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hirazuki · 2 years

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I said I wasn’t going to do the thing, but, eventually, inevitably, (and I’m sure you’re all shocked) I did the thing. My curiosity is insatiable and will be the death of me.

Thoughts under the cut!

Okay, we’re going to bullet list this shit, because otherwise it’s just going to be a stream of consciousness nightmare.

Rights

So, first off. The decision to deal with content that they can’t talk about or show continues to baffle me. In what world can you successfully tell a story which is one hundred percent reliant on the setup (i.e., events and characters that preceded it)... that you can’t touch because of copyright??? Name dropping silmarils and Feanor and Gondolin or whatever the fuck, randomly, isn’t going to magically glue things together and make it work; it’s just going to irritate the people who are watching who have knowledge of the Legendarium, and simply utterly confuse everyone else. I still maintain that, had they wanted to play around in Middle-Earth, they should have just created a completely original story, populated with completely original characters, with a canon character popping in for a cameo here and there as Easter eggs for funsies.

Adaptation

No adaptation is going to be exactly like the source material except some incredibly rare gems of anime, almost always produced by Studio Bones, so I don’t think most of us going in really expected to experience The-Silmarillion-On-Screen. But I feel like the audience expecting a good story -- even if the story breaks from canon -- is like. not irrational. The bar is so low. I would have been sufficiently placated with a good story. Not even an exceptional one; just something with solid characters, a sensible plot, and a sense of adventure a la Tolkien. Something, even, in just the spirit of Tolkien. That’s it. Apparently, that’s too much to ask for lmao.

Story

I have... So. Many. Questions. Primarily about the reasoning behind a lot of this junk. Buckle in.

That was the most bizarre and cursory retelling of the events of the Years of the Trees and the First Age. Imagine Feanor getting left out just like that XDD

Why are we sailing into Valinor????? Galadriel herself, specifically, rejected the pardon of the Valar twice; she was like, nope, I’m good, not going back. Why would Gil-galad force her to go? Why does Gil-galad have any kind of power, political or otherwise, over her, she has her own realm to rule?? Why isn’t she in that realm, with her husband and daughter? I don’t get the motivations behind anything here.

Jumping off of a ship that close to Aman... thinking she’s going to swim back to Endor? That’s so dumb I can’t even.

Why are the elves fading in the Second Age???????

Don’t even get me started on the mithril shit. What is this, a drug? Are you going to compound it into pills, take twice daily with food? Wtf?? Fine dwarven mithril, direct from Khazad-dum, my friends, was not some kind of new, unheard of, miracle substance; it existed prior to this Age, and was also found in Numenor and Aman. Yes, Khazad-dum had the monopoly on it in Middle-Earth, but it was common knowledge and the whole reason the Noldor settled in Ost-in-Edhil was because of that mithril, and wanting to trade with the dwarves for it to use it in their crafts. It was no secret.

... the lost silmaril, are you fucking kidding me. All three are accounted for! Is this a fourth silmaril? Why is it in a tree?? Why is this random apocryphal elf battling with a balrog like this, why is Glorfindel being cannibalized again?? This poor dude, can’t catch a break in any adaptation from people tearing his role in any Age apart and handing it out to other characters. Also, mithril is a precious metal that, yes, is extremely valuable and unique, but it’s just. a. metal. Not some spooky supernatural thing. Ugh.

Why oh why is Galadriel in Numenor lmao. Wtf even is this timeline. Why are Numenoreans anti-elf and why is their primary concern the job market??? Why are they trying to sail into the West pre-Zigur?? Why are the palantiri lost before the island sinks? What the fuuuuuuck.

Why does Elendil have a third child???

[side note: I’ve seen multiple articles calling Mairon Melkor’s “son” and I just XD I feel like like both parties would have so much to say about that. Like. So much. ANYWAY]

I liked Arondir enough, up until the moment he called the tiny human settlement made of stone and wood in the wide open plain the most “defensible” spot. Bro. There... there is nothing defensible about this. The entire segment of the battle against the orcs, actually, was very painful to experience, in terms of strategy (or rather, the lack thereof). People’s actions and decisions made absolutely no sense. Except for Waldreg; yeah, me too, buddy.

(Incidentally, why did an entire fort come crumbling down as a result of some rope???? Perhaps I missed something; oh wait! I must have, it was too fucking dark to see anything properly in the first place!)

Also, why is Bronwyn wearing that blue when no one else is? Expensive blue dye? Spaghetti strap dress? It’s like a really cheap game of pick out the Important Character amongst this rabble.

I’ll bet you anything that the inspiration for the Stranger was that one instance when Olorin came back as Gandalf the White, and it took him a moment and an interaction with Aragorn to ground himself and remember his previous life, and they were like, let’s take that and put it on steroids -- i.e., we’re gonna make him not remember how to use his limbs, how to use words, he’s gonna be mute and dumb until the final episode until SUDDENLY he can speak in elaborate sentences and riddles >.> If this is how the Valar send their Maiar to Middle-Earth, they are even bigger jackasses than I have always considered them to be lmao. He is a MAIA, why would he show up naked and then wear rags????? Like, this is a perfect example of what I mean when I say that they disrespect the characters; it’s so demeaning. Hobo!Olorin; for fuck’s sake.

I can’t with the balrog, y’all, it’s literally one rock wall separating them, they clearly were trying to making this suspenseful and dramatic but it falls so very flat because it’s not even that deep.

Love that the Numenoreans just landed in the exact spot where one (1) tiny human village in all of the southern portion of Middle-Earth is under attack, and they were able to immediately go to their rescue. They didn’t even try; no runner, no messenger, no finding some hapless soul in a field to direct them where to go. It’s so bad.

Orodruin has an on/off switch, guys! Too bad Mairon forgot to turn it off when he moved back in, in the Third Age, would have saved himself a lot of trouble if there had been no active lava to throw the ring in XDDD Jesus X_X

Pyroclastic flow, you can survive it, believe it. My god.

Celeborn name-dropping was so very random. Seven episodes in, suddenly she remembers she has a husband! Time spent looking for Sauron: 200+ years. Time spent looking for missing husband: ... zero? She was on her way into the West without ever looking for him and the reason she turned back around is because she felt her work here was still unfinished, not, “oh maybe I should look for my husband and daughter”? Also, we just have to rip off Luthien and Beren, huh.

Mordor to Lindon in six days!!!!!!!! What are those horses on, I want some too XD (it’s like... 800-ish miles, in a direct line, not accounting for mountain ranges and ravines and the like, where you’d have to find a way around. Even considering that elven steeds are super-horses -- so let’s say they can do 40 miles/day -- and pretend they don’t need to use roads and can fly over insurmountable passes, that should still be a journey of no less than 20 days; it’s across the entire fucking continent).

Sure, yeah, he’s a Maia so obviously a “mortal wound” isn’t gonna kill him, so he made the journey just fine. But she didn’t know that, yet she pushed the journey until he was visibly falling off his horse; callous, much??? What a bitch :D

Galadriel, in favor of ringmaking?????? Celebrimbor being proud and fond of his Feanorian blood (in public, to a complete stranger, no less)? Who are these people HELP.

WHY ARE WE GIVING TYELPE’S STORYLINE TO HER HASN’T SHE GIRLBOSSED ENOUGH

Fuck the 9 and the 5, I guess? The whole point is that they were made before... not after... because otherwise the subjugation wouldn’t woooooork. Oof.

Wow. 400+ years of living together, working together, and all the entanglements that brings, reduced to... what was it? 3 weeks? 3 months? I want. to. cry.

I just. Who looks at the Silmarillion and goes, “you know what this could use? MORE DRAMA.” Like, everyone is more than dramatic enough without adding a whole bunch of new dynamics in established relationships lmao.

I think that’s my main complaint, actually. First/Second Age is already essentially a family soap opera, but RoP has injected so much melodrama into it that it makes it completely tasteless. They’re changing not only major plot points but character dynamics and relationships... for what? To what end?? What is the purpose??? It’s certainly not effective story-telling, that’s for sure.

OH I forgot the harfoot storyline. Well. That goes to show what I think about it lmao. I get the sentiment behind it but the execution is so poorly done, it just doesn’t do it for me at all. It was just so piece-meal and shoddy and random -- what was even the point of the three sorcerers??

Dialogue

It’s just so bad. There’s the purple prose that runs circles around itself trying to make itself sound deep and Tolkien-ish, but is ultimately empty and means nothing (”why does a rock sink but a ship doesn’t” are you fucking kidding me, with word-smithing like that no wonder Mairon sang you into the ground and you deserve it). There’s the forced call-backs to the text/movies (”follow your nose,” “a gift,” etc.) that are shoved in there for Nostalgia and Relevance and feel awfully out of place. And then, my favorites: the really dumb one-liners that completely break whatever meagre atmosphere the series managed to set (“knife-ears” -- what is this, Dragon Age?! “the elves will take your jobs” -- like, really bro? are you serious?? “I’m good” -- ouch, that was so unspeakably cringe).

The single exception is Adar’s dialogue; idk if someone different was writing him and his storyline or what, but this is way more like Tolkien. And, sadly, seeing that they can write like this, makes the rest of the series even worse.

Also the choices of when/where to use Quenya vs. Sindarin... I’m so confused.

Costuming

...... what. the. fuck. Like, all of it, really, but the armor is especially... unfortunate. It’s just so poor, in concept and execution. I was wondering why the layers of mail were moving so weirdly, but at first I didn’t believe it when someone said that the mail worn under the breastplate, bracers and pauldrons by the Numenoreans is actually just the armor design printed onto long-sleeved shirts. Looking at it more closely since then... I really think they’re right, which is just yikes. I’m usually extremely forgiving in this department if the plot and tone are right, especially if it is a low-budget production (have y’all seen the costumes from Voyage of the Unicorn?? One of my favorite tv series. No joke. 100% adore the costuming too, as it fits the vibe and everything is clearly done just for the joy of it). But knowing they spent $60 million per episode, and it still turned out like this? That’s just gross. (And apparently the person who did the costuming is the same person who did the costumes for Crimson Peak, which I haven’t watched but the costumes are incredible... what a waste of her talent).

Also, the hair loss. Yes. Absolutely. It 100% detracts from the image, sorry. And I’m not talking only about the elves. The dwarven women got the short end of the stick, too.

It’s the presentation, primarily, what the costuming does for the presentation of the characters (or what it doesn’t do, in this case). Galadriel should not have to pull her hair back and expose her ears in order for people to identify her as an elf; she should be ethereal and faerie and otherworldly and immediately distinguishable from those around her, as all elves should. Everyone is just so. bogged down in the mortal muck. It’s so disappointing. If you look at cast photos from the LotR and Hobbit movies, the difference between the cast in costume and the cast wearing their day to day clothing is like a punch to the face; here, everyone looks like they stepped off of the street and onto the set :/

Again, the exception seems to be Adar. He’s by far the most Tolkien-looking of all the characters, and definitely gives off First Age survivor vibes even from just the way he looks, and I really don’t understand why they chose to not to let a similar aesthetic guide the appearance of the rest of the elven cast. It’s baffling.

Casting

XDDDD

I mean. I don’t even know what to say. A good portion of why everyone looks so ugly is absolutely the costuming and makeup work and I do think that even just longer hair would improve them a great deal, but there are certain characters that have been so horribly mis-cast, namely Elrond, Gil-galad and Celebrimbor. They just don’t vibe as the characters. And, speaking as a complete non-shipper, if Tyelpe looked like that, I firmly believe that Mairon would have skipped Ost-in-Edhil altogether; he’d have taken one look and been like, yeah, no thanks, I’ll pass. Like, why does he look like he’s about to croak??? This is supposed to be the elves at the height of their power in Eregion! And he’s Feanor’s grandson, he’s not that old!!! He was only two-thousand something years old when he died!!! Galadriel has a couple of centuries on him at least. (My most heartfelt sympathies to the Silvergifting folks, btw; Tyelpe did not become a banner for this utter nonsense).

I really enjoyed the idea of Disa and Arondir. Truly. And the actors did give it their all, which is really the only thing saving their characters, in my opinion. But I do think that they were done a disservice as well, in being associated with the rest of this. I’m all for diverse casting (though, can’t help but note the lack of Asian representation in a series that is patting itself on the back for diversity), but aside from these two, everyone else was just... very token-ish. Caricature-ish, to the point of being insulting. What was with the accents from Rhun??? As someone from the part of the world that that was inspired by, I was cringing. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to watch season 2 if Rhun is going to be a big focus and they insist on presenting it like this. Idk, the casting choices definitely gave off the vibe of Representation™ for the sake of Brownie Points instead of actually being inclusive, and it left such a bad taste in my mouth. I know they’re gonna drag Khamul into this mess, I know it, but I’m fervently wishing him a very I-hope-you-don’t-get-included

Music

There are some good moments, a couple of bars that woke me up here and there, but ultimately forgettable. It’s not awful, but it is terribly mediocre, and from a composer whose other work I have enjoyed, that’s just really very sad (I guess this series brought out the worst in everyone???)

Galadriel

Where to fucking start

She’s really just a very painful example of people, yet again, thinking “Strong female character” means unlikable bitch who is in everyone’s face and listens to no one because she is StRonK.

Ugh. Commander who has no respect from her men? Who doesn’t even bother to work with her men?

Yes, obviously she’s younger in the Second Age than the Third Age, no. shit. She’s not who the Fellowship meets in Lothlorien, not yet, she’s still growing into that person. Obviously she has serious scars from the First Age and before. She participated in the First Kinslaying. She was called Nerwen, and regularly participated in athletic feats. She crossed the Helcaraxe. She refused the Valar’s pardon twice. She fought and she lost so much. But just because you want to portray her as younger, as angry or vengeful or whatever (which is fine! she was!) does not mean that she is a brat or that she is inelegant or that she is dumber than a brick.

She picks a quarrel with everyone she speaks to. “You have not seen what I’ve seen” -- to Elrond. Elrond. His father became a star and his mother became a bird and he never saw either one again and he was taken in and raised by the very people who slaughtered his kin (multiple times, I might add; two separate instances), and then his only brother, his twin, chose the life of a Man instead of an elf and then died. Like. lady; please. She would never, ever be so crass.

They make her so naive, so stupid -- simply because otherwise the plot as they have written it would not be able to unfold, because the choices she makes to move the plot along are dumb as fuck -- and it is infuriating.

She says shit like “sometimes you have to trust in the design of the powers that be” -- is this the same person who left literal paradise because she wanted a realm of her own to rule and didn’t want to be subservient and beholden to greater powers, and wanted to determine her life for herself?

She is such a child. Elendil compares her to his teenage children. His mortal, teenage children. That’s... not a good look lmao.

Also, don’t get me started on her swordsmanship. All the combat choreography is dismal, but especially the sequence of her “teaching” in Numenor is very painful to me, as a swordsman. Oy.

Elrond & Celebrimbor

Why is Elrond a dwarf friend (: Why isn’t Celebrimbor the dwarf friend (: (: (: Where is Narvi (: (: (: (: The doors, what doors, oh the doors of Moria, the doors that were specifically crafted by an elf and a dwarf (those being Celebrimbor and Narvi) and stand testament to their friendship, those doors? Bleh.

WHY ARE WE HAVING ELROND SWEAR AN OATH

WHY ARE OATHS BEING PASSED OFF AS NOT A BIG DEAL I’m pretty sure there’s an entire story somewhere about how serious an oath can be...

Why are things (oaths, silmarils) that were resolved in the First Age and left behind in the First Age, being dredged up again here????? I want to scream.

Ah, yes, Galadriel, the one who took in a just-orphaned Elrond. Fuck Maglor, I guess???? He didn’t single-parent two orphans in the face of the Oath to be disrespected like this.

I just. I don’t understand how Celebrimbor can NOT be the focus of a show called RINGS OF POWER. His importance has been relegated to a footnote. It would be like Feanor being a side character in a show called SILMARILS. It’s absurd.

Elrond’s relationship with Galadriel is. so weird. It’s got such a weird vibe. They’re not comrades-in-arms. They’re not friends, not like buddy-buddy. They’re related in three separate ways if I recall correctly; they’re cousins through two different lines, and then -- more importantly -- she’s his mother-in-law. Why is he treating her like a sibling????

Gil-galad

Oh, Ereinion. Last High King of the Elves and Retainer of Long Locks ;_; The harpers will sing even more sadly of him now, I guess. Why does he look like a disgraced Roman governor out of Asterix who fell out of favor in the capital and is living out his days in discontent in the provinces? He somehow escaped the great shearing, but still looks awful minor nitpick, given everything else going on, but why is his hair black? he’s one of the few characters whose hair-color we explicitly know More pressingly, why does he act like it?? Fair and free realm my ass, they’re drowning in angst here and Annatar hasn’t even shown up yet lmao. Does someone on the team have a personal dislike for him? Tolkien was sparse on details, sure, and the First and Second Ages were absolutely rife with politics, but there is no reason to make him a smarmy, conniving politician and an idiot to boot.

Mairon

My boy, my love, the very personification of perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive tendencies and creative license, embodiment of the themes of the artistic struggle, of creation and destruction as two sides of the same coin, independence and freedom and binding and subjugation wrapped up all in one complex fiery being... I’m gonna need a whole separate post for you. My grief knows no bounds, my tears are innumerable T____T

There’s a lot more I can say, and I know there’s a lot I left out, but my hands and brain are tired now lol.

tl;dr Tbh I would have been content with a show about random OCs in Middle-Earth, rather than whatever they’re trying to do by twisting the plot like this. Like, keep the storyline with Arondir and Bronwyn (but just... make their actions and dialogue have common sense lmao), navigate elf/human relations in the Second Age through them. Keep Adar and the nuanced interpretation of Orcs and explore the original creation of Orcs, and how a mutilated elf from the First Age deals with survival like that. Hell, throw in Celebrian (who is mentioned by name in the Appendices; as is Glorfindel, incidentally) since we’re screwing with the timeline anyway -- you want a canon, strong, female protagonist? Here you go! We barely have any info on her, other than the bare bones -- create away! Incorporate her kidnapping by orcs, her torture, have her meet Adar, create moral conflict that way. Pepper in some Elrond and some Galadriel on the fringes, for a popularity boost, since we apparently need them for a Middle-Earth show to matter. Ta-da, boom, done.

It could have been good, y’all.

#the best thing i can say about this series is that it gave me the final no-fucks-given push to finally cosplay my boy #and to seriously sit down and work at some silm art #i've enjoyed silmarillion/first and second age fanart and fanfic my whole life but have never contributed myself because #i always felt that anything i made wouldn't be good enough #well #anything i put out can't possibly be worse than this lmao #should i tag this?#meh i'll tag it why not #in case people want to blacklist my sorrowful ramblings #anti rop #anti rings of power #(okay y'all i tried doing the conscientious thing and strictly tagging it as anti only but the way this site uses tags these days #is against me #no matter what i try it insists on putting it in the main tag so #apologies. i tried. i tried a million variations. just keep scrolling if it's not your cup of tea)

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