#alas i missed the actual international tea day

[binah-beloved]

Imagine there is an area in the library you and Binah often come to relax in. And you figured it would be nice to plant something in here to decorate it. And you just "happen" to also plant things she could use in tea making like lavender or mint.

Happy international tea day by the way.

i think the Library should have a greenhouse. just for fun

while the Library can technically manifest anything, it requires practice and a stable mind. fresh fruits and leaves and flowers don't do very well, so you've taken to growing your own after getting permission from Angela, scrounging a few seeds from around the Library and clearing out an empty room made of glass. it's slow going at first, with only a few sprouts to your name, but eventually your coworkers catch on and begin giving you any seeds they find and your garden begins flourishing. small tables appear for people to sit at and enjoy the foliage, inhaling the scent of herbs and flowers. you bring occasional bundles of tea supplies to Binah with a broad smile, saying that you had extra, and she looks at you with soft dark eyes and carefully takes them from your hand, brushing her hand against yours

you start finding packets of seeds waiting for you at a table in the corner of the room, tied with a silky black bow and accompanied by a steaming hot cup of tea, always in whatever blend you happened to give Binah that week

[drabblingdraco]

✬Arranged✬ Draco Malfoy X Reader (Request)

This is a request I received!

"Hello! I would love if you wrote something around reader and draco being forced into an arranged marriage by their parents. They hate each other at first because draco used to bully/insult her in school, they're constantly at each other's thoughts at first but then they begin to not mind each other's company... idk if that makes sense feel free to ask any questions. if you don't mind writing it I would love you see your take on it ❤️ oh and maybe the reader would fit the whole pureblood Slytherin comes from a wealthy family thing too. Something like that..."

I’ve read various imagines with a similar plot, but here’s my take on it! If you’d like a Part 2, let me know! I love this story line

Warning: swearing, slightly mean/bully Draco

Very long like 2k oops

Draco's POV:

I was awoken by the sound of Father walking in to my bedroom. He told me I needed to get up and ready for the day, as the (y/l/n)'s were coming. I ran my fingers through my hair, stressing over the fact I had to see (y/n) again. I couldn't stand being in the same room as her. She made me feel emotions I refused to let out. Although we were arranged to be married, I would never let her in my head. She wasn't getting anywhere near my vulnerability. I looked up at Father as he walked towards my bed, grabbing my chin.

"Son, you know how important this is. She's one of the only good pure bloods your age. Not to mention her great, great grandfather was the founder of Slytherin house. Don't fuck this up, Draco." He spat his last sentence before exiting.

I sighed, getting out of bed. My warm feet adjusted to the cold temperature of the wood floor. I went into my closet and picked out my usual attire: an emerald button up, black slacks and black laced dress shoes. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I combed my hair back to a suitable placement. After spritzing some cologne on my neck, I saw a silver town car pull up outside the window.

(y/n)'s POV:

As the car came to a stop, I sighed while slouching in my seat. I could see Draco peering out the window pane. I wasn't looking forward to spending another day at the Malfoy's, yet again. I've been coming to the Manor my whole life. I knew the Malfoy's like the back of my hand, except Draco. He repeatedly threw his aggression towards me. Every time we spoke, one of my flaws came up in conversation. He always pointed out the (y/birthmark) on my (y/body part).

"Out the car now darling, time to see your fiancé."

"Mother please stop calling him that."

"Why? He is your betrothed after all." She grinned.

I rolled my eyes. After all these years, I still can't imagine being married to that foul mouth. I wanted to marry someone I loved, like my parents. But all they cared about was the Malfoy’s and keeping their great image in the wizarding world.

I stepped out of the car and mother shouted at me from the other side. "Go ahead inside love, I'll meet you in there." She had a slight smirk across her lips. I was suspicious, but not enough to ask questions.

I make my way up the grand stairs, Narcissa waited for me in the doorway.

"Hello dear! Delighted to see you again." She gave me a hug and a peck on the head.

"Draco will be down in just a minute- DRACO!" She smiled. I internally groaned.

A figure came walking down the spiral staircase. His hair was placed just right, making his piercing grey eyes stand out. His sleeves were cuffed right above his wrists, the green really accentuated his skin tone. I quickly shook myself out of admiration coma.

"Draco." I said with a straight face.

"(y/n).." he replied.

"Draco, why don't you take her to the gardens while your father gets her trunks?"

"Trunks? What do you mean?"

Narcissa looked confuzzled. "Oh dear, don't know you? You're staying at the manor for a short while."

My eyes went wide, "What?"

"WHAT?!" Draco grasped the railing of the stairs, the veins on his hand popping out as he strained against the wood.

"Draco! Behave yourself," Narcissa gritted through her teeth, she turned to me smiling.

"I don't have any clothes," I stammered, trying to make up excuses to avoid my dreadful stay.

"Yes you do!" Mother said, walking through the door.

I turned to face her with stink eyes, "is there a reason you didn't tell me I had to stay here with this twat?!" I motioned to Draco.

"And you didn't tell me this bloody-" Draco shouted at Narcissa, but she quickly stopped him.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence."

There was a brief, awkward moment of silence between the four of us. 

"My love, it's time you got a taste of the married life," she grasped my shoulder shaking me subtly. "After all, you are older now and soon enough, you'll officially be husband and wife."

"But mother! I-"

"No buts! Now I really must be going. I have to meet your father at the council meeting, but enjoy yourself! I packed you enough clothes for a few weeks, so you're all set dear." She kissed me on the cheek as I stood there, dumbfounded.

"Goodbye darling!" She shouted as Lucious shut the door behind her, exiting the manor.

I turned around to face the two Malfoys that stood before me. How could she just dump me here? And for weeks?  It's bad enough she married me off before I could even breathe. There's no way I would be able to last that long here with Draco. I look at both him and Narcissa, he looked enraged and I couldn't blame him.

"Now take a walk in the gardens, get some fresh air." She stated as a command rather than a question.

We both looked at each other with disgust, but we followed her wishes and headed towards the courtyard. We walked in silence for quite awhile. It was a cumbersome stroll, he wouldn't look me in the eyes or even my direction. I shouldn't be surprised, he was always like this, but something was different. He seemed tense, like he was holding something back. I tried to enjoy myself as if he wasn't there, admiring the lilies and pansies scattered perfectly symmetrical. Unfortunately my eyes kept falling back on him. His tapered slacks rested right above his matte dress shoes. The way his shirt grasped his frame. I felt a chill going down my spine. I adjusted my cardigan, wrapping it tightly around my chest. For some reason this got his attention and he whipped his view towards me.

"Don't tell me you're cold?" He scoffed, scrunching his nose.

"Is there a problem with feeling normal human reactions?" I spat.

He laughed, "just find it rather odd you'd wear such a short skirt on a day like this."

I shook my head in anger. It was typical he pointed out something to do with my attire. "It's summer Malfoy..what, would you rather I wear jeans and sweat like a pig?" Looking me up and down, his eyes lingering at the hem of my skirt.

He ignored my words and continued to walk faster, heading back to the manor. I scoffed and continued at my pace, in no rush to go back inside with that jackoff.

I closed the door to the courtyard and locked it. My eyes traveled around the room, I remembered memories from my childhood, when Draco was actually pleasant towards me and didn't act like a dick. We used to play with fake wands and babble made up spells to each other. I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw Narcissa approaching.

"Why don't you come have some tea? I just brewed a pot." I nodded and followed her to the dining room.

I sat down in one of the many chairs seated at the table. A minute later she came back with a kettle and two dark green teacups with silver snakes on them. Typical Slytherins, but I was one to talk. We chatted a bit about how I've been since we last saw one another, even though it was only a mere three weeks ago. Then we diverted to the subject of Hogwarts. She went on about Dumbledore and how Lucious couldn't stand him. At this point, who didn't know about his vendetta against him.

After a few hours of conversing, she said she was tired and was heading to bed.

"You'll stay in Draco's room this evening."

"Um, are you sure? Can't I stay in the guest room?"

"Oh..the guest room is being..remodeled at the moment. Draco knows of the arrangements. I assure you dear, don't worry about about a thing. Sweet dreams." And with that, she left me standing in the dining room.

I clenched my fist together, wanting nothing more than to obliviate myself and forget everything that was happening, but alas, I couldn't go through with it. Like the kind, forced houseguest I was, I took the teacups and kettle back into the kitchen to be cleaned when I ran into Dobby.

"Hello Dobby how are you?"

"Hello Miss (y/n), you're always so worried about Dobby, it warms my heart. Dobby's keeping his feet on the ground. Dobby keeps hearing things from Mr. Draco about you."

"I'm sorry but I thought I just heard you saying Draco's been talking about me.."

"Oh dear, Dobby has said too much! Bad Dobby." He reached for the teacup but I stopped him before he could.

"Don't hurt yourself, it'll only make me sad, and I know you hate to see me that way." I bat my lashes.

"Sorry Miss (y/n)..since I've already said too much...Mr. Draco talks about you nicely. He likes your (y/h/c) hair and the way your nose scrunches when you're laughing. Dobby hears him talk to Mr. Crabbe and Goyle about these things and much more.." He shyly looks away, looking up the stairs towards Draco's room.

"Hey, hey, I won't tell him. (y/n) keeps secrets Dobby tells her." I smiled at him.

"Thank you Miss, Dobby likes you much more than his masters."

"I like you more than them too." I gave him a peck on the head and went up the staircase.

I trailed down the hall towards his room. The halls were dimly lit by small candles on the walls, as well as moving paintings on the walls of their family tree. I arrived outside his bedroom, scared out of my mind to knock, but I brought myself to do so. Shortly after knocking, he opened the door to his bedroom. I stood there admiring his night clothes; a fitted white v-neck tee shirt and boxer shorts.

"Are you just going to stand there like a git and gawk or come in?" He smirked.

"I- Uh- Coming in." I slipped past him and stood there, unsure of my next move.

"It's getting late," he shut the door behind him. "You should put on some more comfortable clothing to sleep in."

"Right..oh, my trunk is downstairs. I should go get-"

"It's right here," he pointed towards it. "I brought it up a little bit ago. Didn't want to risk you breaking a nail, I'd never hear the end of it."

I scoffed, walking towards my case. I unbuckled the clasps and opened it to find clothing that didn't belong to me, or so I thought."

I've bought you some more appropriate dressings for your stay with Draco. Enjoy them, I know he will too.

-Mother

I was taken aback by her note. It's like she's asking me to fuck him, and we're not even married yet. She's already desperate for grandchildren, I thought to myself. I rummaged through my new wardrobe and ogled in shock. Lingerie, bodycon dresses, even shorter skirts. Are mothers supposed to be like this?

I picked the least revealing item I could find to sleep in. It was a silk green nightgown with lace detailing on the chest, lingering a little too low on the chest for my liking..but it was the only thing that didn't expose my entire body. I grabbed my toiletry bag and my feet brought me to the bathroom. I peeled off my current attire and put on a new set of panties along with my nightgown. I brushed my hair up in a ponytail and brushed my teeth. Gathering my belongings, I slowly walked out of the bathroom and locked eyes with Draco. Now he was the one gawking at me.

"I know I'm always being a dick but..you look dashing (y/n), really." He said shyly, looking down at his feet as he sat on the bed.

"Thanks..." I wasn't sure how to respond.

I put my dirty clothes and bag on top of my trunk. I scratched the side of my arm in nervousness, not knowing how the sleeping arrangements were going to work, although I had an idea. There was nothing else to sleep on besides Draco's bed. He stared at me with anticipation as if he was waiting for me to join him.

I proceeded to the opposite side of the bed. I peeled back the sheets on my side, snaking my legs underneath. Draco still sat in his place, shifting a bit, but stayed in his current position. I laid down, facing his direction, closing my eyes. Maybe if I kept them closed long enough, I'd eventually fall into a deep slumber without any further conversing with Draco.

I felt the sheets ruffle as he too laid down, I couldn't tell if he was facing my direction or not, but I ignored it. I adjusted my pillow to a more comfortable position. We both laid there, within the same vicinity, completely silent. After a few moments, I peaked my eyes open ever so slightly to find a pair of silver eyes looking deep into my soul. I shuttered, unaware of the fact he was staring at me. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Couldn't help myself."

"Couldn't help what?" I asked in confusion.

"Having the pleasure of looking at you," he licked his lips.

"I don't think I understand.."

"My god (y/n)...I never took you for dumb."

I raised an eyebrow, "how am I dumb?"

"Because you can't see it," he paused. "You can't see how madly I'm in love with you...and you can't tell me you don't feel the same." He reached for me chin, grasping it ever so slightly.

I didn't dislike his touch. His hands were ice, melting on my warm skin. His thumb caressed my jaw, heading towards my lips.

"I- I will admit..I do have f-feelings for you, I've been suppressing them..but you make it very convincing that you have a..distaste for me. Ever since we were young.."

"I don't think you understand the common thing about us males...we tease the ones we love," he chuckled.

Not knowing what the hell came over me, I forcibly grabbed his face and slammed my hungry lips onto his.

Taglist: @bbeauttyybbx 

[aiden21]

A Universe of Coincidences Present Mic x gn!Reader

Word count: 4k+

You’d moved into this new apartment expecting nothing other than a change in scenery. You’d initially fallen in love with the view that your balcony provided. You were on a high enough floor that no other building nearby really got in the way, and if you closed one eye and stretched out one hand, it kinda looked like you were holding some of the city in the palm of your hand. You didn’t even care about the fact that the apartment itself was a little small, and you spent most of your free time out on the balcony in a small garden chair, just gazing out at the world happily.

You only went out a few times a week for anything that wasn’t work, this afternoon being one such case, for groceries or other necessities. You had a small list in your hand, not trusting your memory, and got in the elevator. The doors were about to close when you heard someone running and you instinctively pressed the button to keep the doors open. A man trotted inside the elevator, a charming smile on his face.

“Thank you~” He told you, in clear English, and you smiled shyly back at him.

You shook your wrist out of pure instinct, the charms on your bracelet clinging together. It was a black bracelet with red roses and you realized the man was staring at it with cheerful eyes.

“Did you just move in? I don’t think I’ve seen you around this venue before.” He asked, green eyes sparkling behind a modest pair of glasses. He was cute, you told yourself, with his long blonde hair and little mustache.

“I’ve been in 1407 for a few days.” You said, offering your last name and a polite smile. He hummed, nodded, and then when the elevator reached the ground floor all too quickly, he pointed at you with a finger gun.

“Welcome to the building! Enjoy the show!” He said before walking out while whistling happily, his strides much longer than yours. You waved at his back dumbly, already getting the feeling that you knew him from somewhere. You pondered upon that as you walked to the store, feeling like you had the answer on the tip of your tongue. But, alas, you didn’t think you’d ever seen that man face to face before and so you pushed the thought out of your mind for a while.

The following morning found you in comfy clothes, the sliding door to the balcony wide open to let the breeze in. You were unpacking a few things, hanging some decorations, while your favorite album played in the background. You had one of those modern vinyl players along with five of your favorite records, all a gift from your family last Christmas, and you liked to listen to them like that, even though you had the songs on your phone. It’d be a shame to just let the vinyls gather dust, after all. You sang along, placing things on shelves and stacking empty boxes on top of one another. You were far from being a good singer, but being home alone gave you the confidence to try and hold longer harmonies or reach higher notes, all things you wouldn’t be caught doing out in public.

You half danced your way around your living room, putting things in their new places. You stepped out into your balcony, still singing happily. You looked at your plants, reminding yourself that you had to water them once the sun went down.

You stretched, butchering the high note on the song but belting it out regardless, and then you stopped dead when another, much more harmonious voice joined you. Apartments on the same floors technically all shared one long balcony, but it’d been divided by walls on either side so everyone could have their privacy. Thus, you couldn’t actually see who was out on their balcony. But the voice—male, for what you could tell—sounded impossibly close. They kept on singing along to your music, clearly not caring about being heard, and you ran back inside with a hand over your mouth, blushing like crazy.

You tripped on the rug and cursed out loud, knocking over a stack of books. Outside the voice laughed cheerfully and you wanted to bury yourself alive out in the garden. Thankfully, they said nothing after that and, not having seen their face, you managed to swallow down your embarrassment. You pushed back the feeling that you knew that voice, not wanting to even think about what neighbor had caught you singing like a teenager.

You came back from work one day feeling exhausted. You wanted nothing more than to climb into bed, listen to some music, and go to sleep. You stepped inside the building and immediately the guard stopped you in the lobby. He pointed you towards some boxes—at least ten boxes big enough to fit a medium-sized dog inside—and told you that they were yours. Of course they were. During your move a few of your things had gotten lost, you having moved from one end of Japan onto the other, and the moving company had promised you that the boxes had simply gotten mixed up in someone else’s move. You half believed that you’d never see those things again, but lo and behold, you got your things back. Now to get them up to your apartment all by yourself, since the guard couldn’t leave his post at the gate. Wonderful.

The first box was easy.

The third one felt a little heavier.

The seventh one had you gasping and you were honestly considering just leaving the rest of your stuff in the lobby until the end of times. You were tired and annoyed and hungry and still in your work clothes.

The elevator opened with a cheerful ding and you sighed, dragging your feet and taking another box with the word ‘books’ written on top. You attempted to lift it, the air leaving your lungs on that first attempt before you got a better hold of the box. Your back was killing you and your arms hurt, but you carried on towards the elevator. Unable to use your hands, you attempted to balance on one leg so you could free one hand just long enough to call the elevator, but no such luck. You lost your balance and, while you caught yourself in time, the box was heading straight for the floor. But then, fast as lightning, a hand reached out and caught the side you’d lost your grip upon.

“That was close! Almost missed a beat!” He said and you immediately smiled in relief.

“Thank you,” You said, a nervous laugh escaping you. You tried to take the box back, but the blonde man easily took it from you with a friendly smile. He was wearing a flattering red jacket and stylish black pants, his hair pulled back into a messy bun.

“I got it.”

You felt a little awkward, a little dumb, a thousand things, “I don’t wanna bother you.”

“No problemo. Happy to help!” He responded cheerfully, anchoring the box with his hip, and easily calling for the elevator himself. You felt hot under your shirt and you weren’t sure if it was because of the effort of the past boxes or what.

No, fuck it, you knew what it was.

“Hold on, let me get another one before the elevator gets here,” You said, practically running away. There were three boxes left, and you read over the words written on them to try and decide which one would be the easiest one to carry. Or should you take a heavier one? Which would be less embarrassing? You finally picked one that said ‘pictures’ and made your way back, getting inside the already open elevator. He looked over your head, chuckling at the sight of boxes still left behind. He put his box down and told you to wait and you watched in absolute dismay as he stacked the two remaining boxes one on top of the other, easily—easily, the smooth bastard— carrying them over.

You were beet red when he got in the elevator with you, his happy-go-lucky smile threatening to burn you.

“Not to pry, but what’s all this?” He said, almost teasingly, and you had to look away.

“Some boxes went missing during my move. I already got everything else in my apartment.” You said shyly. He hummed, nodding. When you got to the 14th floor, he got off the elevator with two boxes while you carried the other two, thankful that he’d allowed you to help him. He was the one helping you, you knew that, but you still felt embarrassed at the fact.

He’s just a normal neighbor, he’s being friendly.

You got to your door and you pushed it open with your hip, wincing internally at how plain and messy your place was. You lived alone and many of your things had been missing, so you hadn’t bothered with some of your things. Your favorite record was on the counter, right where he placed the boxes he’d helped carry. You turned to steal a glance at his face and you saw him pursing his lips together, trying almost in vain to bite a smile back and you wanted to jump out the window. Still, you inhaled slowly and pushed your embarrassment back, offering him a smile.

“Thanks for the help, really.”

“My pleasure. I’m here all week.” He shot at you with finger guns, almost posing as he did so, and you giggled. He was a little goofy, but you liked that.

“Do you want some help with unpacking?” He asked but you shook your head immediately. “N-no, I’m okay. Thank you, though, I really owe you one!” You gave him a wide, bright smile, and he stared at you for a second. His brows raised a little beneath his glasses and you looked down on instinct, thinking you’d made a weird face. Then you perked up, turning towards your kitchen.

“Oh! Would you like some water? I can also make some tea or coffee if you’d like!” You sounded nervous, you couldn’t help it, but you knew it was the polite thing to do now that he was inside your house.

“I’d love to, but I gotta bounce.” He said, smiling apologetically. You stopped to look at him and then, almost embarrassed, you walked towards the door by his side. “Duty calls, the crowd is cheering, you know how it is.”

You nodded, not really understanding what he meant but smiling regardless. He gave you a small salute and started walking away, you already closing your door behind him. Then, right before it locked,

“It’s Yamada, by the way.”

“Huh?” You asked, reopening the door and peeking your head out. He had another easy-going smile on his lips.

“My name. You told me yours but I haven’t told you mine. I’m Yamada.” With that, he left.

You closed your door with a dumb smile, pinching your cheeks to try and stop yourself from blushing like a teen. You were a grown adult for crying out loud, your cute neighbor helping you out shouldn’t be something to fluster over. Still, you smiled.

You sat right in the division between your balcony and your living room, wanting to feel the night breeze but also wanting to listen to your radio. The device was inside and the volume was low out of respect for your neighbors, and you sighed contentedly as one song ended and another began. Your breath blew away the steam coming out of your mug and you smiled, taking a small sip of your drink. It was a beautiful night, the view of the city looking as if stars had landed on the ground, lights twinkling everywhere.

You always had trouble falling asleep, no matter what you tried. Tea and music helped a little, but at your core, you were a night owl. Most days were the same, you working into the early morning just to make the most out of your nights, but Friday was different. Because on Fridays Present Mic did his radio show and you absolutely loved it. Three hours of music, both foreign and local, only interrupted by one of the most charismatic, funniest heroes out there. What wasn’t there to love?

And now that you had your new place, with that gorgeous view, well, you could’ve stayed out there forever.

“And we’re back! How did you like the new song, listeners?” A familiar, animated voice flowed out of your speakers.

“Tonight, my lovely listeners, I’d like to pose you all with a little situation.” He said, something he did every week without fault. He would ask something to the audience and then, after a few more songs, he’d read a few of the responses he got online. It was sweet and fun and a nice way to interact with his audience, not to mention the only way you had to even speak a word to the guy. For as long as you’d watched the show, your responses had only been read twice thus far and, while frustrated to not get your favorite hero’s attention more often, you were still happy with those two little shoutouts.

“Pardon if I get a little cheesy, but sometimes the melodies of the soul grow tender and you can’t help but wonder a few things.”

You took another sip of your tea, Twitter open in your phone just so you could answer as fast as possible.

“Do you think sometimes life works in our favor?” He paused, chuckled, and then cleared his throat. “See, I think we attract things our way. We write our own songs, if you will. But sometimes I’ll have these moments, where the universe really seems to be trying to get my attention and I won’t be able to tell if it’s really a sign as much as it is a coincidence, you feel me?”

You listened to him intently, your phone forgotten by your side. It was… odd. Really odd. You’d heard this man’s voice over the radio for years but something felt different at that moment. Maybe it was the tone of voice, or the subject being discussed, or who knows what, but you got a different feeling this time. But what was it?

“See, I’ve gotten a few this last week. And I’m sure you all get them all the time. And now I’m thinking that, maybe, if the universe sings to you, it’s only polite to join in, harmonize.”

Something crossed your mind, a quick flash, but you shook your head out of pure instinct. No. There was no way.

“My question, or challenge more like it, to you this week is this: if you think you’ve heard the call recently, answer it. Cause you never know who might be listening to you.”

You saw a flash of green eyes, you remembered two elevator rides, but you kept shaking your head. You even laughed, thinking yourself a total idiot. It was impossible, right? I mean sure the voice was eerily familiar, but that was just a coincidence...

Right?

“Of course, as the dutiful host that I am, I can’t ask you to jam out without a proper beat, so I’ll start. Here’s my attempt at seeing if this week has been anything other than coincidences.”

He went silent and you held your breath for a moment, your expression stuck somewhere between mocking and panicked. Then the next song started playing and it took you about two seconds to recognize it. Was the record sleeve still on the counter? Was the vinyl still beneath the needle, waiting to resume that same, exact song?

A few things crossed your mind at that moment. The superficial, more impulsive side of you kinda wanted to toss the radio out the window. The more intense side of you wanted to scream, because Goddammit, HOW HAD YOU NOT RECOGNIZED HIM AT ANY POINT!? Sure, the few times you two had crossed paths he’d been dressed in civilian clothes, he’d been wearing seeing glasses, and his hair had been held together by a simple bun, rather than the crazy updo that he usually wore. But still, you chided yourself, you’d shared an elevator with him twice already. You’d talked to him, face to face. He’d been inside your home, for crying out loud!

How? Hoooooow?

You groaned, letting your back hit the ground while you covered your face in absolute shame. You stayed down until the song was over and, as other songs played, you started going through every stage of grief, in order.

There was no way, absolutely no way. It was just a coincidence, that was all. Your neighbor just happened to be blonde and handsome and also happened to make a few musical references as he spoke, but that was normal. Anyone could do that. Besides, you’d never seen him in costume; there’s no way a respectable hero would go out wearing casual clothes. What if they ran into danger?

How had you not put the pieces together earlier? You were such an idiot, just talking to him as if he was a normal, cute guy. How had you let him carry your boxes for you!? He probably thought you were so dumb by now. How could you be so blind, so DEAF!? HE’D EVEN TOLD YOU HIS LAST NAME! Why had God cursed you with such stupidity?

At this point he started talking again, reading out some of the responses he’d gotten and encouraging people to ‘go for it!’

Oh God, there was no way you’d ever be able to look him in the eye again. You’d never be able to listen to that song again without thinking of how badly you’d messed up, how badly you��d probably offended him by not recognizing him. You’d just moved in, too, and you didn’t think you’d ever be able to step foot outside again. Why had he even played that song? Had he been the one to sing with you and then laugh at you? Oh great. He knew you were an idiot. Wonderful. It was over. Your life was over.

No, wait, maybe there was some way to fix this. Maybe he hadn’t been the one to sing and laugh, maybe he’d just listened to that from his own balcony and found it funny. Maybe this ‘sign’ was meant for the other person, the one that sang so much better than you. Maybe you were making all of it up in your head, a stupid fan moment where you really wanted him to know you, really wanted to be that close to him without even knowing. Besides, you could still sell the apartment and move somewhere far away.

You groaned again, pulling at your hair. You stared at the ceiling as the music stopped, as he gave his audience his usual, animated goodnight, even as the night air grew colder. It must have been sometime past midnight when you finally decided to act like a normal adult once more. You got up, switched the radio off, and closed your balcony door. You heaved a sigh, suddenly craving another cup of tea and a nice, long bath.

You shoved a mug full of water inside the microwave, not in the mood to boil the water properly. You watched the cup go round and round, the loud humming of the appliance giving you a crumb of comfort. You had to relax, you told yourself. Everything would be fine.

The sound of the power outage mimicked a sad sigh, the absolute silence of your apartment slapping you in the face. You sighed, resting your forehead against the counter. If the universe really did send out signs, then you wanted to slap the universe smack dab across the face. You glanced outside and, sure enough, all of the buildings and houses in your area had been plunged into absolute darkness.

“Anything else?” You asked to the heavens, slightly annoyed.

From the hallway, you heard a loud crash and a high-pitched yelp, and you sighed as dramatically as you could. You grabbed your phone, turned on the flashlight, and ventured out.

It was kinda creepy, you weren’t gonna lie. You hadn’t lived in there for long enough to grow familiar with anything, so the pitch-black hallway made you shiver. It was like a horror movie set up, you thought as you turned. You’d look down the other end of the hall and a monster would be waiting for you, ready to strike you down.

Except, it wasn’t a ghost or a ghoul. It was Yamada—should you call him Present Mic? Which would be less awkward to you?— with his green eyes wide and his hands outstretched. He’d knocked over one of those silver cylinders where buildings hide their fire extinguishers and you blinked a little at the sight. Why did he look so guilty?

“You okay?” You asked, stepping out of your apartment. You were glad that the light was aimed away from you, cause you knew you looked flustered and dumb.

“My phone died.” He offered as an explanation and you nodded as he placed the metallic container back in place. You shined your light down the hall, landing on the elevator and shivering.

“Thank God you didn’t get trapped in there.” You murmured. He looked up at you, then at the elevator and you saw him shivering. When he turned to face you, he looked sheepish.

“That would have been quite the show ender, huh?” He chuckled and you kinda smiled at him in the dark. This wasn’t awkward, why were you making it awkward on yourself?

You shone your light on the ground so he could make it over to you without tripping again, not that there were any other obstacles in the way. He gave you a disarming smile and suddenly you wanted to run back into your apartment and never come out again. Still, with the power out, your nice side won the battle raging in your chest.

“Which one’s your apartment?” You asked, almost a mumble. Yamada looked at you, blinking a few times, and you waved the light around a little. “I’ll walk you over. Wouldn’t wanna leave you in the dark.”

“Thanks!” He said, in English, and you nodded. He guided you down the hall into apartment 1403, which was on the same side of the hall as your own. Remembering your improvised little concert from a few days ago, you blushed madly. Of course you shared balconies, why wouldn’t you.

“Home sweet home,” He said, looking for his keys amongst an endless amount of pockets. He finally found them and you couldn’t help but smile at the keychains dangling from his set of keys. He had a little black cat, a rose, a little cloud, and a rubber duck, the last one making you giggle quietly. He looked at you in the dark for a moment, not even trying to find the right key. After a few seconds he snapped out of it and he unlocked his door in a flash. He pushed it open a little and neither of you moved.

“Aren’t I lucky you of all people were awake to shine my path,” He joked, sounding more nervous than you’d ever heard him, even from his radio show.

“It’s okay,” You smiled kindly, fighting back your emotions. “I did own you one, after all.”

He chuckled, nodding and rubbing the back of his neck. There was a moment of silence, both of you trying to figure out just what you should do next. You moved your phone, the light illuminating the wall.

“Why are you up so late, anyway?” He asked you. You had to bite back a panicked laugh, the events of the night replaying in your head. Not too late to sell the apartment, you told yourself.

“I was making some tea,” You said lamely, hands fidgeting. It was such a dumb thing to say since it didn’t actually answer his question, but it was all you had. “But then the power went out and, I mean, my stove’s electric anyway. I guess I’ll have to wait till tomorrow.”

You added that last part as a segway, a crutch of sorts that would allow you to excuse yourself before you could say anything else that might make you look like more of a fool. It was a shame, really. If you weren’t so embarrassed right now then you might try to keep the conversation going. He was handsome and polite, after all. But no, you had too much in your head, songs and signs and vibrant green eyes and you should probably go now, you told yourself. You mumbled a polite ‘goodnight’ before turning on your heels, already set on going home. Behind you, Yamada hesitated. He swallowed thickly, cursed his dumb brain, and then,

“My stove’s not electric.”

You stopped, frowning.

“Huh?” You turned back, raising the light a little just so you could look at him without outright blinding him. He was playing with his keys, his eyes on the ground. Was that… a blush on his face?

“My stove works even without power,” He explained dumbly, eyes only focusing on you for one second at a time as he spoke. “And I have tea. I mean, I’m not… Do you wanna come inside?” He held out his hands, a quiet and shy offer now between you. It was an invitation, a question and a hopeful wish all in one and his face reflected that perfectly.

You blinked, feeling numb for a second before a warm, tingly feeling crawled up your arms. You wanted to bite back your smile, wanted to convince yourself that he was just being kind, but there were too many coincidences by now.

If the universe is calling, then it’s only polite to respond, right?

“I’d like that. A lot.” You said. His eyes opened wide, forest tones enclosed by a ring of lovely, pastel green, and you smiled. He grinned from ear to ear, finally opening his door fully and stepping aside to let you in.

You hummed for a second, feeling a lot braver than you had in a long while.

“By the way,” You said teasingly, “That’s not my favorite song in the album.”

He blinked, watching you walk into his home with an almost shocked expression. He finally laughed, closing the door behind you both.

[azucanela]

[HOME] IS WHERE THE AVATAR IS [PT.3]

HOME MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: Iroh has been kidnapped, and by the time they get him back, they’re chasing after the Avatar before Y/N has time to unload all her problems to the old man over a nice cup of tea. Which is a shame since the list of problems is getting longer by the minute. 

WORD COUNT: 5k

WARNINGS: violence, mentions of death, threats

A/N: woo!! its 1AM lads life is good and i hope this is also good <3

Iroh was missing. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out, the old man, no matter how questionable he was at times, was punctual. Y/N had yet to see him late to anything and she sincerely doubted he was going to start now, especially since Zuko had reminded him, rather rudely, that they had to leave soon if they were to catch the Avatar. Following Zuko through the forest, Y/N quickly realized that Zuko was not a genius.

Of course, if Zuko was a genius, Y/N wouldn’t be around. Her whole purpose since she’d been in the Fire Nation was to serve as his right hand, to be the things he couldn’t. If Zuko couldn’t do something, then she would, thats why they complimented each other so well. When he’s incapable of fighting, she beats enemies with ease. Where he lacked a strategic mind, she could develop revolutionary strategies, similar to the ones Zhao had referred to during their last encounter.

The man had clearly gotten under Zuko’s skin, and it seemed something about this was still bugging Zuko. Y/N had noticed his... odd behavior. He’d seemed far more withdrawn than normal, their late night talks had been far less frequent than normal. Of course, they were also no longer in the privacy of the ship, instead camping out in war torn territory of the Earth Kingdom. This left a weird atmosphere between them, and it was mostly Zuko’s fault, though Y/N probably should’ve confronted him when she first noticed. She was beginning to miss their conversations, and the more relaxed Zuko that only she saw. Now, it seemed that each time they interacted he was becoming far more awkward than normal.

Sighing as she trailed behind him, and calmly walking throw the brush of leaves in stark opposition to Zuko’s rather aggressive walk, Y/N simply sighed. “Zuko, perhaps you would get there faster if you didn’t spend all your time fighting the trees.” She gives him a sarcastic smile, eyes narrowing at him as he turns back to look at her, as though he’d finally been reminded she was nearby.

Zuko frowns, coming to an abrupt stop, “come here.” They were nearby the ‘hot spring’ Iroh had discovered, or more accurately, made. In the event that Y/N was wrong, a ‘rare’ event in her words, Zuko needed to take precautions, he would not allow Y/N to see his Uncle like that.

“Why?” Y/N asked incredulously, moving to enter the area, but Zuko yanks her back by the wrist.

She turns to look at him, just to have her eyes covered by his hand, “just in case.” He explains, taking her hand in his free one and guiding her to the hot spring. Zuko is suddenly glad that he has a hand over her eyes, because if Y/N could see him, she definitely would’ve started teasing him by now, especially since he can feel his cheeks burning as he pulls her along.

“I think you just wanted and excuse to hold my hand.” Y/N teases, a grin spreading across her face. Zuko had always been like this, protective, even when they were children and as far as he knew, she was anything but his equal. Y/N had always found it funny, seeing as she could easily handle herself in a fight, not that this fact ever stopped him.

Though she can’t seen Zuko, Y/N has a feeling he’s blushing as he grumbles out, “shut up.” He’s pushing through the final bushes, and when he freezes Y/N knows her theory was right. Zuko’s hand releases hers and Y/N dislikes the way she feels disappointed when it does, his other hand falling from her eyes to reveal the once prosperous hot spring was now sullied by raised earth.

Iroh is missing. And Y/N can’t help but feel worried as she stares at the scene, if the apparent Earthbenders caught him by surprise it’s no wonder he didn’t escape. Iroh, no matter how docile he may act, was a force to be reckoned with. Now it didn’t take a genius to figure out that it was Earthbenders, which probably explains why Zuko points it out so quickly.

Or maybe he just doesn’t need Y/N anymore. The thought brings about an odd feeling, one that Y/N can’t describe. She’d been by his side for as long as she could remember, and the thought had never crossed her mind, that one day she might not be by his side, one day he might not need her anymore. The possibility was bringing about several emotions, and now she was missing the one person she’d go to for counsel.

Counsel she definitely needed at the moment, seeing as she’d intertwined their destinies, as Zuko put it, permanently. There would be no getting rid of her. 

Her list of problems was growing by the minute, and Y/N finds herself wishing that it was her list of excuses instead, seeing as she was going to need several excuses if he found out anytime soon. Iroh was missing, taken by Earth Kingdom soldiers, likely to be executed in the very city he’d once tried to overthrow. And Y/N had yet to even get any idea of how to handle Airbending, much less tell Zuko about it. Not that she could if she wanted to, seeing as he’d been avoiding any prolonged conversations with her.

And yet Y/N find herself grabbing Zuko’s hand, bringing his attention back to her and away from the thought of his missing Uncle, the man who had practically raised him. Though Zuko didn’t act like it, he cared for Iroh, and Y/N could see it in the way his body stiffened as he cursed his Uncle for his foolishness. “Everything is fine.”

This was a mess. Nothing was fine. Everything was pretty chaotic, actually. 

That’s how Y/N ended up riding a Komodo Rhino in search of the old man, Zuko seated behind her as they made their way down the path. He was honestly way more stressed about the situation than he should’ve been, his Uncle was once a war general, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Except, Zuko found the fact that he’d been captured in the first place rather concerning, especially since the man seemed to be more and more passive each day.

Zuko blamed the tea.

Though he found himself wishing for tea to calm his nerves as they the Komodo Rhino stumbles slightly, causing Zuko to fall off the animal entirely. This was mostly because he was far too awkward to place his hands anywhere near Y/N’s body, despite her warnings that something like this would happen. 

Y/N brings the beast to a stop, dust rising as she maneuvered the animal towards Zuko, followed by guards that she was sure were struggling to stifle their laughs as Zuko grumbled, “go ahead and say I told you so.” He’s practically glaring at Y/N, who dons an amused look on her face as she stares down at him.

“Told you so.”

Zuko groans, allowing his head to hit the ground momentarily, wincing at the feeling before moving to stand, only to notice a shoe on the ground. One that he recognizes as his Uncle’s. Moving to pick it up, Zuko grins despite the putrid smell as he extends his hand outward to try and escape it. “I fell on purpose to retrieve this.” He couldn’t help but feel relieved, hopefully this was a sign from his Uncle, and he’d dropped the shoe on purpose.

Y/N is laughing now, “sure you did. But this is good, Iroh is probably nearby.” Her eyes scan the area, hoping to find some other indication of Iroh’s presence, Y/N notices the fading trail of Ostrich Horse tracks. “We should head in this direction,” she turns to Zuko, who is dusting himself off and climbing back onto the Komodo Rhino, “hold on this time.” Y/N says, giving him a tight lipped smile as she brings his hand to her waist, trying to ignore the way her cheeks warmed.

She whistles, signaling for the Komodo Rhino to begin to move again, while Zuko begins to panic internally. His hands were on Y/N’s waist, and he was trying to keep his touch as light as possible so as not to disturb her, but the way she glared at him suggested he should stop freaking out. Alas, the blush that painted his cheeks persisted as he wrapped his arms around her waist to keep from falling, that was the only reason he wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t because he missed being around her— of course the lack of her presence was mostly his fault since he was avoiding her.  

Regardless, Y/N almost falters at this action, almost, at the feeling of his hands resting on her. It’s been a while since they were this close to each other, and Zuko had no choice to endure it. But, it’s the sight of a dragon along with the Avatar in the sky that causes her mouth to gape open, distracting her from steering the Komodo Rhino away from the upcoming cliff.

Zuko throws his hands forward, snatching the reins from her as he swerves the animal away from the cliff, his body enveloping Y/N’s as he breathes heavily from the sudden event. “What the hell was that?” He exclaimed, hands remaining on the reins as he continued to maneuver the animal. Though the look on Y/N’s face worries him as she nods absently.

“Nothing, it was nothing.”

Nothing didn’t cause you to nearly go off a cliff. But he’d discuss that with her later, he decided, noticing the Avatar’s Sky Bison flying through the sky. “The Avatar!” Zuko called out, bringing the Komodo Rhino to a stop entirely as he watched the Sky Bison fly across the sky.

His words brought Y/N’s attention back to the present, her eyes snapping over to the Sky Bison. Zuko may not have known it, but Aang definitely wasn’t on that Sky Bison, or maybe his body was. Y/N didn’t know how the whole spirit thing worked, and if she was honest, she wasn’t really to eager too find out. Regardless, it would be a pointless chase.

Yet she suddenly felt worry fill her, because Y/N truly didn’t know if Zuko was willing to abandon his Uncle if it meant capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor. Would he do that to her? Abandon her entirely if it meant going back to the Fire Nation? Sure, he’d left behind the possibility of returning when they’d discovered her Waterbending, but with his renewed determination Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if she would get left in the dust as he chased the Avatar across the globe.

The thought left her mouth dry as she looked to Zuko, who had paused, eyes following the Sky Bison. Then he scowled, hands still on the reins of the Komodo Rhino as he whistled, steering the animal in the direction of the fading Ostrich Horse prints. 

Y/N couldn’t help but feel flooded relieved, but that didn’t quell the anxieties within her. She’d seen... an intangible Avatar and dragon, as though they were ghosts, spirits even. This was a brutal reminder of the Avatar’s duty to bridge the worlds of spirit and human, Y/N had only read stories of the Avatar’s ability to enter the realm and interact with them. It was an ability she thought she lacked, until now.

This was a problem. A very big problem.

Letting out a shaky breath, Y/N shut her eyes momentarily, “what’s wrong?” Zuko asked, her behavior was abnormal, she was distracted and Zuko didn’t have time to worry about her, his Uncle and the Avatar.

Hesitantly, Y/N relaxed against him, her back resting against his chest as she frowned, “later.”

“Right.” Comes his response, and Zuko’s face was burning as he cleared his throat before continuing to guide the Komodo Rhino in the direction of the tracks.

They don’t discuss it later, mostly because ‘later’ is when Zuko finds himself saving his Uncle, and then threatening villagers for the Avatar’s location while Y/N threatens him for his violence. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, much to Y/N and Iroh’s dismay.

If Y/N was honest, she wasn’t shocked that they didn’t have time to discuss it. Seeing as they didn’t discuss the fact that she was capable of bending multiple elements, confrontation was certainly not their strong suit, and the fact that everything seemed to revolve around the Avatar wasn’t helping. At this point, home was wherever Aang went. 

What Y/N would give for a conversation with Aang right about now, not that she knew what to say. He had no idea what she was capable of, and yet Aang seemed to be the only person who would likely understand even a fraction of what she was going through.

Barreling through the Fire Nation barricade, filled with ships that Y/N recognized from General Zhao’s fleet, it appeared Y/N would be giving her life just to see Aang again. She was beginning to think that this was the worst idea Zuko had ever had, and she’d been there for a lot of foolish ideas. Especially since there was no reason for Zhao to let Zuko pass, unless he needed something, that something was likely the Avatar. Y/N was pretty sure she needed him too, now that her Airbending at shown itself, accidents were becoming more... frequent, and hiding it from Zuko and more importantly, the crew, was far more difficult.

Aside from control, Y/N couldn’t deny that Aang’s abilities were impressive, watching him block a ball of fire surging towards his Sky Bison had been a sight to behold. And she couldn’t help but consider how insane it was, that she was seeing the only Airbender left, the only demonstration of Airbending in over one hundred years.

Poor kid. He’d come back to a mess of a world.

Y/N finds herself frowning at the thought, and at the possibility of Zuko departing on another ship to go after Aang, who appeared to be heading for the Fire Sage’s temple, “are you serious?”

Zuko is rolling his eyes at her tone, already boarding the ship as he turns to her, “are you coming, or not?” He’s taking the helm as Y/N’s mouth gapes open, struggling for words, she follows him onto the ship nonetheless. 

“This could go very wrong.” 

He grins at her, and the smaller ship begins to move, hidden by the smoke of the larger one, “that’s why I have you around.” 

Y/N really wanted to wipe the grin off his face as she sat on the bench that was against the railing of the ship. Crossing her arms, she glared at him as she leaned back, eyes on the crashing waves below. It’s rather calming, especially when compared to the harsh environment they’d been living in while moving through the war torn Earth Kingdom territory. She’d gotten used to falling asleep to the rocking of the boat during their years of travel. Maybe that’s why Y/N’s eyes begin to flutter shut as the boat begins to move once more.

There’s a dragon. Why is there a dragon? 

The sight of the beast serves as a reminder of the tattoo she’d seen in her previous ‘dream’ though Y/N can’t help but wonder if they were a little more than that as she stares at the dragon. It looks exactly like the one she’d seen Aang riding not too long ago.

This was a dream, great.

Rolling up her sleeve, the tattoo is there, the black and white dragons snaking up her arm, parallel to each other. Y/N finds herself returning her gaze to the real dragon, which probably should’ve shocked her more, except there was a reason she was a talented Firebender. 

Whenever a Firebender sought out to earn the title of Dragon, they needed a witness, someone who saw the defeat of the Dragon and could serve as proof of the event. The Dragon of the West, otherwise known as Iroh, had selected the young and impressionable, Y/N L/N, viewing it as a learning experience for the young girl. Y/N thought she was going to see the end of the species, not it’s salvation, and perhaps that’s why she was the way she was.

Nothing could compare to what she’d seen in that fire, alongside Iroh. 

The dragon before her looks angry nonetheless, almost annoyed at her presence as though it wasn’t the weird thing about this whole dream, a translucent blue color, like this was completely normal. 

Y/N ends up glaring at the dragon as she asks, “what do you need?” And as though it can sense her own annoyance, the dragon releases a low growl in response, letting out a huff of flames onto Y/N that almost has her screaming in fear as she squeezes her eyes shut in preparation for death. Could you die in a dream? Y/N didn’t really want to know seeing as normal dreams didn’t involve historical events like her last one did. 

She opens her eyes to see the flames dissolving around her, but she’s in an entirely new area. If Y/N is honest, it looks similar to the palace she grew up in. Fancy pillars line the room, along with a few murals on the walls. 

This must’ve been what the dragon had flown Aang to when they were... spirits? Y/N didn’t know, nor did she understand much as she carefully moved around in the room, in the middle of it lied a statue of Avatar Roku, she recognized him from history books. The Fire Nation’s greatest enemy, that had once been its pride and joy. 

The dragon still stood in the room, behind her now, staring almost judgmentally at her, Y/N turns to it nonetheless, “this is what you showed Aang.” A huff in what she hoped was agreement, “I need to be here too.” She deduced, staring the the doors that lied behind the dragon.

It seemed satisfied with this deduction, and Y/N decided to continue, “mind explaining the tattoo?” She gestures to her arm. 

In response, the dragon allowed more fire to escape its mouth, causing Y/N to bring her arms up to shield her face as she yelped in surprise when she became engulfed in flames.

Y/N flinches in her seat, head whipping back and forth as she scans the area, just to realize they made it to the island. “Oh good, you’re awake.” 

Stupid dragon.

Y/N nods slowly, hand gripping her arm, which burns, and she’s unsure if that’s because she literally got burnt in the dream, or because of the tattoo. Y/N can’t help but let out a shaky breath as she blinks a few times, eyes adjusting to the light as she sits up, “yeah.” She mumbles, pulling up the sleeve of her Fire Nation clothing just to find her blank arm. No tattoos, just how she’d left it. She can feel Zuko’s eyes rest on her as she does, likely in confusion.

Regardless, this is good. There’s no tattoo. Sure, Zuko probably thinks she’s insane, but who cared what he thought?

“I don’t understand how you feel asleep.” The boy in question grumbles, “have you not been sleeping?” It’s his own way of showing he cares, an insult followed by a question about her wellbeing, Y/N is used to it at this point, but this time around she can’t help but feel sad, knowing he formed this habit because of his childhood. Things had been different once. He’d been different once.

As Zuko helps her out of the boat, taking her hand to help her step down and off of it, Y/N replies, “not really.”

His brows furrow at this, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Y/N is opening her mouth to respond only for an explosion to sound within the temple, tearing his attention away from her.

What a nice reminder that she wasn’t the priority. Again. 

Maybe it was stupid for her to want to be his priority in the first place, because he was definitely her priority. She’d left the life, the luxury, everything she’d built in the Fire Nation after having her life torn down, just to rebuild everything again at sea, for him. And he didn’t even have to ask her to, he didn’t have to ask her to have that horrid conversation with his father that she hoped he never found out about, and he didn’t have to ask her to just be there. 

Then again, it had been drilled into her mind to protect and serve Zuko since she was a child. Maybe none of this was real, maybe Y/N didn’t actually care about Zuko, maybe it was just another one of the things she’d been brainwashed to believe by the Fire Nation. Maybe the days they’d spent together as children, the nights they’d spent now, the time at sea, maybe it meant nothing. 

No, this was different. This was different and Y/N knew it, she just didn’t want to admit it. This was another thing on her list of problems now. 

Y/N brushed these thoughts away as they mind their way through the temple, she didn’t have time for this, the horrifying dragon had given her a task and she was going to see it through. She needed to get into the room, and if Y/N had learnt anything, it was that wherever Aang was, that was probably where she had to be as well. 

As they enter the room the explosion had come from, Zuko spares her a glance, bringing his hand to his lips as he nods to her. Aang is hidden behind a pillar as the Fire Sages set the door alight, causing it to slowly move upon, the gears within working for what was likely the first time in a century. It’s then that the rest of his friends strike, restraining the Fire Sages, one of them even betraying his colleagues as they call out for the Avatar, “Aang! Now!”

But Zuko’s already captured the boy, ensuring he can’t head into the now open doors and providing the distraction that was vital to the escape of the other Fire Sages, he called out, “shut the doors!”

Y/N has about half a dozen thoughts in her head as she wonders how she’ll get into the room if they close the doors, because as much as she hates the whole Dualbending— Tribending thing, she needs answers. Which is why she’s thankful when Aang manages to escape Zuko’s grasp without her aid, though Y/N’s feet seem to move on their own as she chases after him.

The bright light is almost blinding, but she can hear the doors shut behind her as she lands rather painfully on her side, pushing up on her arm to see Aang staring at her in shock. This quickly morphs into a smile, “hey, Y/N!” His brows furrow as he tilts his head at her, “what are you doing in here?”

Moving to her feet, Y/N grimaces as she dusts off her pants, “I was threatened by a dragon.” Aang’s face becomes one of shock, but before he can respond, something akin to thunder sounds through the room, light shining onto the stone on the statue of Roku.  “What the-”

A fog starts pouring out of the statue’s mouth, swirling around the pair that lock eyes once more before Y/N finds herself atop a mountain, falling onto the ground and groaning in pain. Y/N brings a hand to her face to shield it from the bright light that is the sun? Or maybe its a fake sun seeing as this can’t possibly be real, not that it matters as she places her hand in the grass to push herself upwards, just to meet the eyes of the infamous Avatar Kyoshi. 

Oh god.

“So you’re the mistake.” She mused, scanning Y/N’s figure. She had read about Avatar Kyoshi, and from what she had gathered, she had by far been one of the most powerful Avatars to ever exist. And one of the most violent. 

Pushing away these thoughts to try and calm herself, Y/N simply frowned at the Avatar’s words as she moved to stand, the strikingly tall woman was already intimidating, her tone and history was not helping. “You could’ve been nicer about it... but yeah.” Y/N agreed, recalling her conversation with Iroh. She was just nature’s lovely mistake.

“Interesting.” 

Y/N grimaces, steadying herself as she speaks, “there are probably lots of other... mistakes, so why am I here?” Iroh had spoken of the likelihood that there were others around the world, and Y/N herself had heard the rumors of Dualbenders across the globe in their search for the Avatar. She wasn’t special—well, she was definitely special, but at the end of the day she wasn’t the Avatar.

Kyoshi narrows her eyes at Y/N’s words, scoffing, “don’t tell me you’re dumb.”

“You are just as nice as they said you were.” Y/N grumbles, bringing a hand to the back of her neck, “care to answer my question?”

Raising a brow, the woman’s glance turns to the sky, “you are the mistake.” Kyoshi replies, “the only mistake of this cycle. The others have all be fakes.” Y/N can practically feel the disgust in Kyoshi’s words, and she doesn’t know if its because people lied about being Dualbenders, or if its because they exist in the first place. Not that she wants to know.

But what she implies rings through Y/N’s head as she speaks, “I still don’t matter. There’s a perfectly good Avatar already.” If Y/N theoretically was another Avatar, what purpose could she serve? They had an Avatar, one that was far more moral than she ever was, one that was ‘hero’ material. Iroh had also suggested that if there was only one ‘mistake’ then they were likely powerful, which could explain the possibility of Y/N being another Avatar. 

Inhaling deeply, Kyoshi’s eyes fall back on Y/N as she says, “I have a feeling that when push comes to shove.” Her hand form a fist, “he will fail to do what is necessary. You on the other hand...” She trails off, her hand unclenching as she continues, “your Fire Lord seeks world domination, and it is disrupting the balance. You were made because the boy’s disappearance worsened the unbalance.” 

“He’s not my Fire Lord.” Y/N grumbles, running a hand through her hair, “so what do you want me to do?” She asks, cutting to the chase, there’s no point in hopping around the subject. She’d been summoned for a reason.

Kyoshi offers her a smile, though Y/N can tell its not a friendly one as she speaks, “I chose to speak with you because you have yet to Earthbend and still, you remind me most of myself.” She raises a hand to the sky, and it darkens into a red hue as she explains, “Ozai will use Sozin’s comet to carry out his goal unless he is stopped. And you are progressing far quicker than the newest Avatar.” 

The comet that aided in the destruction of an entire race, Y/N was familiar. Firebenders became unbelievably powerful during its appearance, and it would serve as the perfect opportunity for an invasion. 

Y/N would know, seeing as she suggested it. She recalled the conversation in the War Room vividly, during a discussion on how they could defeat the Earth Kingdom in a quick manner. It was the first time she had outshone General Zhao, but not the last. 

“You’ll have no choice but to work together, you must learn Airbending from someone, and there are no other teachers around.” Y/N can practically feel the woman’s anger, and wonders if it truly belongs to her, if she understood the Avatar Cycle properly then they were all connected somehow. 

Y/N really wished this was a dream. But, this wasn’t a dream, and the fog seemed to swirl around her once more was a reminder of this fact, “Aang is the Avatar. He can handle this alone, I’m not getting involved..”

There’s a knowing look on Kyoshi’s face, and as she fades away Y/N can hear her final words, “you don’t really mean that.” 

And Y/N had a feeling that she was right. A feeling that she absolutely hated.

A/N: anyways i wanna cut like at least six inches of hair and get bangs oh no also KYOSHIIIIIIII THE BADDEST BEST AVATAR writing this made me happy

TAGLISTS[lmk if you want to be added or removed via askbox or reply]

ATLA: @bubblebars @jada-cleo @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat @wemissyou3000 @ajediherowitchrunner @1-800-schmacked @the-firebender-girl @bucky-blogs @shawkneecaps​​ @astroninaaa

ZUKO: @outerxorbit @lil-lex1 @boxofteenageideas @izzieserra @eridanuswave @royahllty @bigbuckyenergy @celamoon @savemesteeb @coldlilheart @shephard17895 @ijustwannabecanadian @duh-dobrik @anime-simp @lammello  @coldlilheart @curious-trickster

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[schrijverr]

Revealing Outfit

Jon invites Martin to stay with him for the weekend, because he felt bad about MArtin having to stay in the Acrhives (no he did not have a crush, shut up). His Mechs outfit is still lying there when they arrive and Martin sees it, causing Jon to accidentally invite him to a concert. 

Bit pre-slash and getting together :)

On AO3.

Ships: JonMartin

Warnings: none really, Jon’s a little praise starved. Tell me if you want me to tag something and I will!

~~~~~~~~~

Jon was trying to be better. He knew he had been an asshole to Martin ever since they were moved to the Archives all because he would rather ignore the flutter in his heart and mistake it for irritation at the bumbling, clumsy, adorable, uhm, awkward man.

But, like he said, he was trying to be better. He had stopped insulting Martin at every turn and tried to be nice when the other made a mistake. Especially now that Martin was forced to live in the Archives. Jon felt terrible he hadn’t noticed his own assistant had been taken hostage for two weeks, which is probably why he had offered Martin his couch for the night.

Yes, The Jonathan ‘keep everything separate and professional’ Sims had offered Martin to stay at his place for a few days.

He hadn’t known what had gotten over him when he offered (that was a lie, of course, he knew. Martin had looked so sad? Deflated? At the thought of being alone in the Archives for the weekend again and Jon couldn’t bear it, but that was neither here nor there). The point is, he offered and through a terribly awkward misunderstanding and a quick coming out as asexual, Martin had gladly taken him up on his offer.

Which is how they’d ended up in this situation.

Honestly, Jon had forgotten he had left his outfit so out in the open. He hadn’t expected visitors when he had put it there, so it wasn’t such a stretch it had slipped his mind, but it was awfully embarrassing right now.

A little bit of backstory is perhaps required, you see, Jonathan Sims had a life outside his work, to contrary belief. And it wasn’t even a boring one. He was in a band, a steampunk band of immortal space pirates.

It was just something fun he did with friends and they had quite a dedicated following. They had a small performance this weekend (which Jon hadn’t at all forgotten about when he had offered Martin a place to stay, just to make him smile at Jon) and he had taken his costume to the dry cleaner, because it had gotten soaked in a mixture of sweat and beer last time, which didn’t make for an appealing smell.

He hadn’t taken the time to put it away, finding it useless when he had to get it later anyway. Instead he had hung it over his chair and laid the rest of his costume with it. The outfit was obviously not Jons usual work clothes. The steampunk vest and goggles vastly different than his librarian style cardigans. Which was why Martin had immediately pinpointed as odd when he’d seen it.

Without really thinking about it, he had lifted the article of clothing and frowned at it, before he heard Jon let out a startled cough and he dropped it like it burned, while apologizing.

When Jon was done with his coughing fit he said with pinched voice: “It’s alright, Martin. I left it there.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have just grabbed it. That is highly inappropriate.” Martin insisted.

Wanting to get the clothes out of the way before Martin could get a better look at them, Jon gathered them in his arms quickly and made his way out of the room as he assured Martin that it was really alright.

After he had fled the scene, Jon dropped his costume unceremoniously on the chair in the corner of his room, which also functioned as a closet since it always got covered in clothes throughout the weeks. He sighed in relief that he had made it, until he noticed one part was missing of his ensemble.

His goggles.

He must have dropped them in his haste to get everything out of Martins eyes. Panicked he turned around, hoping they were lying on his bedroom floor. But alas, no such luck was on his side. When he got back to the living room, he found Martin holding them in his hand as he looked at them curiously.

Jon swallowed and Martin met his eyes. Wordlessly he held out his hand and carefully Martin laid it down on Jons palm. Once the object was out of his hands, it seemed Martin regained his ability to speak and he asked: “Why do you have that?”

Immediately his brain caught up with his mouth and he stumbled out: “Not that you have to tell me, of course. No, I was just asking. Doesn’t seem your style. Not that I can judge, sorry.”

Jon cut him off, before it got more embarrassing for both of them. Only then he realized he now had to give at least some explanation, especially since he was going to disappear this weekend and stay out until late, leaving Martin alone in his flat.

Fuck.

This whole thing had been a terrible idea and Jon suddenly remembered why he kept everything nicely separated.

He floundered for a second, then he carefully chose his words: “I, uhm, I had forgotten actually that I had something this weekend, uhm, old uni friends. I, I- I needed to give those back to one of them.”

Internally he cringed at the vague and partially untrue statement. I mean, technically they were uni friends, but this wasn’t going to be that casual and although some of his friends did own goggles in a similar style, those were definitely his own.

“Oh,” Martin replied, “I can still go back to the Archives if that’s better. I wouldn’t want to impose and I assume you wouldn’t want someone you barely know in your flat while you’re gone.”

Jon has never claimed he is not a stupid man and what he did next only cemented that. Martin was already inching back towards the door, face crestfallen. And Jon, Jon quickly said: “Oh no, it really isn’t a problem. You can come if that’ll make you more comfortable.”

A heavy silence hung between them as both processed the words that had just come out of Jons mouth. Jon realized how weird and personal that sounded and he was about to take it all back when Martin said: “If it isn’t a problem, I think I’d like that.”

The retreat died on Jons lips with Martins agreement and smile. Jon just smiled back and said: “Alright, I’ll let them know. It’s going to be pretty loud, I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, thank you. It’ll be good for me to listen to something else than the silence of the Archives for a change.” Martin chuckled, but Jon caught the underlying truth and decided that he couldn’t back down from this, no matter how mortifying it was.

Then he realized how rude he had been and quickly showed Martin to his kitchen where started on some tea. The goggles were still dangling around his wrist and when Martin noticed he told him to put them away, before he damaged them and said he’ll finish the tea.

Grateful for the breather, Jon slipped out the room and into his bedroom where he send a frantically whispered voice recording in the Mechanisms groupschat: “I did something stupid, I accidentally invited a coworker to our show, but I didn’t tell him about anything and he doesn’t know and he’ll find out and it’ll be weird, but I can’t go back now and I don’t know what to do and I need help.”

To avoid suspicion he put his phone away and hurried back to the kitchen. There he had to do a double take, because Martin was sat at his table with two mugs, gently sipping from his cup as he scrolled through his phone.

It was oddly domestic and Jon had to swallow away a lump.

The sound alerted Martin of his presence and he looked up and smiled at him, gesturing at the tea opposite of him. This didn’t help the lump. He silently sat down and started to sip his tea to avoid conversation.

Martin seemed to pick up on it and he stayed quiet as well. They stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon, just sitting together in silence while they did their own thing. Jon broke it to ask Martin what he wanted from the pizza place and then they had a heated discussion when Martin wanted pineapple on his.

They ate on the couch and watched a documentary and Jon could almost forget that this wasn’t his life and it wouldn’t all come crashing down tomorrow.

After that he made up the couch and he and Martin brushed their teeth together. It was peaceful, kind of nice and if Jon had to admit it he missed this in his life. Before he retired to his room Martin called out a soft thanks along with a goodnight from the couch.

Jon returned it equally softly and with a smile. A smile that fell when he was met with the sight of his outfit in the corner. He checked his phone only to find his so called friends laughing at him and offering little support.

He slept little that night, lying anxiously awake, mulling over everything that would go down tomorrow. Only coming out of bed late after he finally fell into a fitful sleep.

Martin was already dressed, when Jon stumbled out in an oversized sweater with small short pajama bottoms. Jon yawned sleepily and rubbed his eyes as he excepted a cup of tea from a heavily blushing Martin.

Once Jon had taken a sip, he realized what the sudden appearance of tea meant and his eyes snapped wide open as he met Martins eyes. He swallowed and looked down at his own state of dress. Then he mumbled: “Sorry, I’m going to get some better bottoms.”

And hurried out of the room, unknowingly giving Martin to compose himself as he tried to imprint the image of sleep ruffled Jon in those pajamas in his mind.

When Jon returned he was dressed in his normal librarian clothes. During the night he had resolved to tell Martin as late as possible what was going to happen, so he would get dressed at the bar where the Mechanisms would be performing.

The rest of the day passed relatively normal. Martin had retreated to the couch with a notebook, while Jon was sitting in the kitchen with some statements, later leaving them in favour of reading on the couch next to Martin in silence.

Then it was time to leave and the nervousness grew inside Jon as they walked towards the little pub. They were pretty early, since Jon wanted to avoid any fans that would throw a wrench in his plan. Inside the others were already setting up. Jon stopped Martin, wanting to tell him what would be happening, before the others could do it for him.

Martin shot him a confused look and Jon came clean: “So, I might have undersold and lied a bit about what is happening, but you have to promise not to tell the others about this. Tim will never let me live this down, please.”

“I don’t- What are talking about Jon?” Martin asked, distressed.

“It’s nothing bad.” Jon assured him, “I’m going to get you settled at a good calm table and you’re going to be fine. I promise.”

“Jon.” Martin did not sound pleased.

“I’m preforming, with my uni band.” Jon blurted out.

“What?” Martin exclaimed.

Jon explained further: “I didn’t want you to ask me questions and stuff, so I lied and then I invited you and I got nervous and I was too afraid to tell you, so I kept it hidden. I’m sorry. You can still go back, I’ll give you my keys.”

Martin hesitated, but they were spotted and Gunpowder Tim called out: “Jonny, there you are! Come on, you need to get dressed and in makeup if you want this to go through. Here, introduce us to your friend.”

Jon looked back to Martin, who nodded. Jon shot him a smile and lead him to the stage, where he quickly introduced everyone. When everything seemed to be going well, he pointed to the table Martin could go sit at, before he left them and slipped away to get in costume.

He was done moments before they had to go on stage. Ashes nodded at him and grinned: “Your friend seems nice. Well informed.”

“Oh shove off.” Jon replied, embarrassed.

But there wasn’t time for more, since it was time to get out there. The Mechanisms stepped onto the stage and all the anxiety slipped from shoulders along with his normal life as he morphed into Jonny d’Ville, Captain (First Mate.)

“Well, I’ll say one thing for this planet, it does produce some spectacularly ugly people.” he started, creating the normal banter with the crowd, he went on: “Killers and vagabonds, liars and thieves. We are the Mechanisms, a band of immortal space pirates roving through the universe on the starship Aurora, having fun wherever possible, violence when necessary and if were very lucky both at the same time.”

He scanned the crowd filled with smiling faces and desperately ignored the corner he knew Martin was in. He didn’t let it show though, as he went on: “Allow me a brief moment of self indulgence to introduce to you, the crew of our mighty starship.”

Jon gestured to the side as he started to introduce everyone next to him on the stage, until he got to himself: “And last, but the opposite of least, myself. Jonny d’Ville, your humble Captain.”

The crowd along with the band corrected him and he grinned, shedding the last bit of nervousness over who he know was in the corner watching as well.

With the adrenaline pumping through him and the energy of the crowd feeding into his confidence, Jon was in high spirits after the very successful performance. He had chatted with some fans that had hung around, but now the pub was mostly empty. The other were packing up and were chatting idly when what Jon had known would happen, but also dreaded, happened.

Martin walked up to him.

Sitting on the edge of the stage, Jon didn’t move, just swallowed heavily as he waited to see the anger in Martins eyes after he’d been lied to and forced to sit through such a strange thing as this. Jon was sure Martin must be weirded out. He knew it wasn’t everyones taste and most didn’t get it and that was okay.

It was okay, if it wasn’t Martin.

Fiddling with his vest, he kept looking to the ground until a familiar set of shoes appeared in his sight. Preparing himself for the worst, he winced a bit as he met Martins eyes, only to be pleasantly surprised at the smile along with the excitement in Martins eyes as he exclaimed: “That was amazing!”

Jon blinked for a second, then he bashfully asked: “You really thought so?”, all the confidence of Jonny d’Ville disappearing.

Martin nodded and said: “Yeah, I loved it. I’ve always been pretty text orientated, so having a full story with great music is something I didn’t know I needed until now, but I definitely did.”

With the praise a smile appeared on Jons face (he was just happy Martin didn’t hate him for lying. It wasn’t at all that Jon desperately wanted to know he had done well and that his heart fluttered with the slightest praise, especially from Martin. I don’t know where you got that idea).

“I’m glad.” was all he managed in return.

Their eyes stayed locked for a long moment after that and they only noticed when Tim called out: “Jonny, we’re done here, you gonna get something to drink with us.”

Jon looked back at his fellow bandmates, then at Martin, before looking back again. He shook his head and yelled back: “No, I think I’m going home. I’m pretty tired. It was fun seeing you.”

“Okay, bye, Jonny.” Ashes said.

The sentiment was echoed and returned. As the other filed out, Jon looked back at Martin and whispered: “I should probably wipe the makeup off or get out of this outfit at least.”

“I don’t know, I think it suits you.” Martin said, before his eyes grew wide and he spluttered something incomprehensible.

Wanting to please him, Jon said: “Thank you, I think I left my makeup wipes at home anyway, so I just have to hope I don’t run into anyone else I know.”

Martin looked up at him and smiled. He waited as Jon gathered his normal clothes and haphazardly threw them into his bag. Before he left, he looked into the mirror self-consciously. His dark hair was braided, grey streaks running through the interwoven hair. Perched on top of his head were the goggles and around his eyes was black lighting. He had black jeans on and a white shirt with a light brown vest over it. He had too many belts wrapped around him, with a golden ornament over his heart and a holster with fake gun by his hip.

Out of context he looked like an idiot, but Martin liked it, so he breathed in and walked out to where Martin was waiting. He threw his coat on over it and together they walked back. Jon was happy he lived near the pub, so the walk was short.

During the walk Martin filled the air with chatter about the performance. Jon wished he could blame the cold instead of the compliments for his read cheeks, but the weather was quite nice.

Once they were inside Jon switched his persona's clothes for his pajamas, this time he did put on longer pajama bottoms immediately. He wiped his face clean and when he looked into the mirror just plain Jonathan Sims looked back and the anxiety began creeping up again.

Slowly and unsure he made his way back to the couch where Martin was sat at. When he entered Martin looked up and Jon swallowed as he tried to smile back, but he probably couldn’t manage more than a grimace. Martin didn’t seem to mind, just offered him a cup of tea.

Timidly Jon sipped his tea and didn’t bother to start a conversation, dreading what the conversation would be about. It seemed Martin picked up on his unease, but he didn’t know what it would be about, so to try and ease the tenseness in Jons shoulders he said: “I have to say this was not what I expected when I think about how you were in uni.”

“No?” Jon asked curiously, not wanting to be the one to fill the silence.

“Not that it’s bad thing.” Martin told him, “Just- well, uhm, no offense, but you can be kind off stuck up from time to time. And that’s fine, but then you don’t really assume this.”

He gestured with his hand to encompass the Mechanisms.

Jon chuckled slightly at that, relaxing bit by bit when Martin didn’t suddenly backpedal and hate him anyway. He shrugged and said: “I can’t fault you for that, really. You are mostly right, I was pretty studious and probably a bit pretentious. The Mechs was my spot to let go and just have fun, you know. I don’t like to advertise it, it isn’t really professional.”

Martin was quiet for a moment, then he said: “Thank you for sharing it.” then he gasped, “Oh my, I hope I didn’t force you or anything! I didn’t mean to.”

“Martin, Martin, I invited you.” Jon said, trying to calm him, but also dreading what might come.

“Yes, but.” Martin began, “But you only did so, because I was being awkward about it, you shouldn’t had to.”

“No, I invited you.” Jon insisted, “I made that choice, it isn’t your fault.” then he bashfully went on: “Besides, I don’t mind you knowing.”

It was silent for a moment as the two met one another's eyes and stared as they started to breath in sync due to close proximity. Then Martin swallowed and looked away as he asked: “You don’t?”

“No.” Jon forced out, “You, you are, uhm.”

Jon didn’t know how to go on, so he rubbed his temples and sighed with frustration. He clenched his eyes shut and allowed the pressure to calm him. Then he met Martins inquisitive eyes and the flush retook his face. He stumbled out: “You’re kind, Martin. I know, I’ve been harsh on you and I’m sorry about that. I know you wouldn’t judge anyone over something like this and you don’t deserve to live in the Archives and I should have noticed and I didn’t. I’m so sorry about this and this is the least I could do to make it up to you and I don’t mind you being here. You’re a good person.”

He finished his rant. Martin blinked in confusion a few times as he processed everything. Then he carefully said: “Thank you, I guess. Uhm, that’s quite a lot, sorry. Let me just- uhm, give me a moment, please.”

“Of course, apologies.” Jon said.

“You didn’t invite me out of pity, did you?” Martin asked, sadness on his face.

Jon hated to see the sad expression on Martins face and he quickly shook his head and answered: “No, no, I didn’t. I did it, because I like you.”

Immediately after he clasped his mouth shut, but the words had already tumbled out and he couldn’t stop them. For a moment they hung heavy in the air. At the same time they spoke: “You like-” “Forget about it-” “-me?” “-I’m sorry.”

Then in union they said: “What?”

Martin repeated his question: “You like me?”

Jon was now resembling more a beetroot than a person. He silently nodded then said: “Yes, I’m sorry that was highly unprofessional of me. I didn’t mean to tell you, sorry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not making me uncomfortable.” Martin rushed to assure him, “I just didn’t think you even found me an acceptable person.”

Jon winced and curled a bit into himself. What he had already known about himself and hadn’t wanted to admit was out in the open and if he wanted to explain he would have to admit another thing to himself and Martin. Something that would also open up the possibility in the back of his mind, something about the feeling he was being watched.

But for Martin he would admit it, so he did: “I, uhm, I know I am not the best person when it comes to emotions and I hid behind irritation instead of admitting it. Sorry, I know that is no excuse.”

Then the most unexpected thing happened: Martin started laughing. It wasn’t malicious or mean spirited, but Jon didn’t know how to react, so he snapped: “What’s so funny?”

Martin composed himself and said: “Sorry, it’s just, it’s just- I’ve been trying so hard to get your attention and approval only to find out I already had, but you’re just terrible at expressing it and all it took was a performance by a band of immortal space pirates for it to come to light.”

When Martin put it like that Jon had to admit it was pretty funny, he chuckled lightly then the rest of the statement caught up and he stopped laughing. He looked at Martin and asked: “You’ve been trying to get me to notice you?”

His voice was vulnerable, just like Martins when he answered: “Yes, it’s embarrassing, really, but yes.”

Jon took a deep breath, then he said: “Martin, uhm, would you like to accompany me to a date somewhere next week? A proper one?”

Martin agreed with a smile and Jon silently thanked the murderous alter ego he had created to have some fun in uni for helping him open this conversation.

The rest of the night they spend talking and when they came into work together they had established a comfortable companionship between themselves. The other assistants immediately noticed the shift in dynamics between the two, but when Tim asked Martin about it all he replied was: “Nothing happened, I went to a concert that’s all.”

[geekydane]

Talk to me - Tommy Shelby x reader - chapter 2

“Absolutely not, Polly!” The man, Tommy, didn’t raise his voice. That was almost the most scary about him. He didn’t yell even though he was in an argument. He just sounded so… harsh. Without even trying very hard it seamed. 

“I have had a talk with Lizzie and she could really use the help. I’m sure y/n will be a great addition to our company. Her and Michael can help her settle in and distribute the tasks.” Polly said to your defense. She was standing next to you and you saw out of the corner of your eye, that she was about to lay a hand on your shoulder, but thought the better of it and lowered her hand again. In front of you sat Tommy. He was the head of the company and had your destiny in his hands. Mrs. Langston had left without saying goodbye. After your talk alone with Polly she had asked you to stay in her office as she went to talk with Mrs. Langston. You didn’t know what was said between them, but your one small trunk you took with you stood against the wall in Tommy’s office. They must have taking it from the car before Mrs. Langston left.

“What good could come out of a woman that isn’t even able to talk? Let alone unable to work? As i understand, miss y/n here is from higher class in y/country. She might have never worked a day in her life. Perhaps never had to.” Tommy said and fixed his eyes on you again. It was like you stopped breathing every time he looked at you. You were already unable to speak for yourself  but you felt completely helpless whenever those icy blue eyes landed on you. Unable to do anything. 

“I’m sure she will prove you wrong. She has many more skills than you have heard of. Mrs. Langston told me a great deal about y/n. She will not disappoint.” Polly said with a tight smile. What had Mrs. Langston really said? You had known the woman for a long time. Ever since you were small. Mrs. Langston knew how adventurous you were and you were never afraid of getting dirty. You played with every kid that crossed your way, no matter what kind of family they came form and your father let you. He always said that it was healthy to meet all kind of people. It was a way to understand the world around you. That’s why you had traveled around the world with him from the start. Kids don’t need a language to be able to play with each other. Fun and laugher were international language. That also made you fearless back then, but the last years had been so empty and sad that you didn’t know where your previous self was hiding away. A few years ago you wouldn’t have let a man like Tommy Shelby intimidate you. 

After a long while of being stared down by Tommy that sad with his hands folded in front of him he sighed and leaned against the desk.

“Fine. We can let her try for a few weeks but she’s under you, Pol, not me. I don’t have time for this.” He stood up and left the room so quickly that you almost jumped by the sudden movement of him.

“He will come around. I’m sure you will prove useful. You are your father’s daughter.” Polly said and gestured for you to follow her. Your father's daughter? She knew your father? 

----------------------------------------

You were sat in your new home. Home? You looked around in the sparsely furnished bedroom. Only with a bed, one bedside table and a small dresser with clear wear marks in the white painting was in the small room. Not that there were any room for more, but it was so small and sad looking. You were at least use to decorated walls and huge mirrors. The rest of the apartment considered of a smaller washroom with a rusty washbasin, a living room with a surprisingly comfortable couch but nothing more and a kitchen. 

Polly had showed you there and her son, Michael, walked behind you with your trunk. You could have easily got it yourself but Polly insisted. She showed you around with a frown on her face and promised to later help you decorate a little. You didn’t know what to think. It was a foreign place to you so you didn’t have any opinion about how the place looked. You checked the windows to see if there was any easy access to break in and made sure they were all locked. You checked the front door more than once and looked through the peephole every time you heard a sound from the corridor. 

You didn’t really sleep. You couldn’t with all those new noises and you couldn’t tell yourself that it wasn’t nothing. Yes it sounded like someone upstairs turned around in their sleep in a spring mattress, but it could be someone trying to break in. Couldn’t it. You didn’t know the people living there and everything was much louder in the dark. It only comforted you when you saw the sun raise outside your bedroom window and you got up and pulled some clothing out of your trunk. It was very holmly and not really office clothing, but you didn’t know you would be left in Birmingham and let alone get a job in an office right away. There was a very old mirror in the washroom that you had to dry off before you were even able to see your own reflection. You hadn’t brought much for the hair or makeup, so you only got one hairband and tied it around the hair in the back and made a quick bow. 

You walked the exact same road to Shelby Company Limited that you had walked the day before with Polly and Michael. You kept your head down but led your eyes roam on the people that passed you on the sidewalk. Most of them had clean faces but very dirty clothing. They were used to hard work. Among them were mothers with kids that hurried them along to school and housemaids with a braided basket on their arm, surly on their way to fetch some groceries for whoever they worked for. 

You breathed out slowly when you reached the office and stepped inside. The office was quiet so you thought that you might have been there a little too early. You stepped inside the room that was buzzing with life the day before and only found one man standing with his back to you, lifting up the corner of some papers on one of the desks to read something under them. In his other hand hung a cigarette lazily from between two fingers. You regurnized the haircut from the day before on the very man that was going to be your boss. trimmed at the sides, slightly boyish long on top.  He turned after a while. The sound of your heels making sure to announce your arrival.

“Miss y/l/n. You are early. Couldn’t sleep either?” He asked you and took a pull on his cigarette and breathes the smoke out in the room. You shrugged at Tommy and he huffed.

“I forgot you didn’t talk. I’m usually not much of a talker myself unless i have to. Come with me.” He said and started to walk to his office. When you entered the small receiving room that laid before his office, you noticed that another desk was pulled in. Lizzies desk had to be moved to the side, so that there were a passage in between the two desks to Tommy’s door. 

“I think you can guess where you are going to sit.” He said calmly and you walked around the desk and sat down. You didn’t know what else to do.

“Polly is not in yet. She’s the one that should set you up. But i guess you can go and make some tea. The office would appreciate it, if it was ready when they get here. Bring a cup in to me.” And with that order, he was gone and the door to his office closed behind him yet again. How sweet of him to actually tell you where the kitchen were, you thought and started to search the building.

--------------------------------

Polly came when you were desperately looking for the tea in all the cupboards. You had dared to sit on your knees on the kitchen counter to look for the tea on the top shelves. You were beginning to panic as you heard more and more people were arriving to the workspace. Your first task at your new job and you already failed doing something so simply as to make tea.

“What are you looking for y/n?” Polly asked curious and came up next to you. You tried your best to crawl down from the counter while holding your skirt down. You reached out for the boiler on the stove.

“You are making tea? Didn’t Tommy show you where to find the leaves? It’s not in the kitchen, it’s in the pantry with the dried goods. It may not be the pure kind, it is hard to find that to a reasonable price these days but it almost tastes like ceylon.” Polly explained and showed you the pantry and took out a light brown paper bag. You opened it and smelled the tea. It did smell almost like the pure ceylon the Langstons use to buy for your money. You hurried back to the boiling tea and scooped the dried leaves into the strainer. 

“You must have arrived early. I tried to get here before you. There is a lot to learn before you start throwing around with our numbers.”

-------------------------------------

When she said a ‘lot to learn’, she meant it. Your head was spinning by all the new information. You didn’t hope that you had to memorize everything that was told to you from both Lizzie and Polly. They tried to go through all the companies politics and even though you could see right through the Lizzie woman whenever you saw some kind of ‘hole’ in their explanations. It wasn’t that you knew what was going on, but you had followed along with your fathers work for enough years to know when something fishy was going on. Every country had their game going on and a way to express it. Englishmen tend to remain very still, listen careful to the others associated with them, so the quietness was so thick that it could be felt in the room. But alas, you didn’t dare to react to any of the signs. 

“Oy. I heard you've been taking in strays.” A man came into the room with no warning. It made you jump and your heart skip a beat. Looking up you saw two men walking in. Both of them in a suit and coat with the same kind of half shaved haircut as you had seen on Tommy. It was clearly a thing that was fashion in this part of Birmingham. 

“Not too far of. But i do call her y/n. She’s a person after all.” Polly said with a wicked smile to the two men and the one that was sporting a trimmed mustache frowned for a split second before placing a hand in his pocket like he was getting ready to just stand there and stare at you for entertainment. The other man that looked a little younger stood back with a smoke a blew the smoke out in the air. His eyes narrowed but still directed at you through the smoke. After a moment of silent in the room the older one of them spoke up again in a harsh tone.

“Introduce yourself woman. You are hired into our company. Don’t think we won’t  kick you out if there is any trouble with ya.” You flinched with the hard words which made Polly stand up. 

“Arthur! If you weren’t roaming around drunk at Garrison and actually been here yesterday, you would have know that y/n here is not able to speak. One of the many things that will be beneficial for this company. Polly said in a calm manner. Beneficial? That was the first time you had heard someone calling your ‘disability’ a beneficial or anything else positive. 

“Someone got her tongue? What was she in for?” The younger one asked and nodded his head towards you. 

“She not a criminal. She still got her tongue. I will discuss that with you later. Right now we are settling y/n into her tasks. Tommy is in his office. Go bother him instead.” She said and rounded the table to shush them away. They looked at each other before they let Polly lead them away from the room. They respected her. That was good to know, because they seemed like trouble to you.

“That was Arthur and John Shelby. Tommy’s brothers. There is a sister as well but she’s not here very often.” Lizzie explained to you. Her gaze was still lingering on the door to Tommy’s office.

“I’m sorry for my nephews. They are very protective about this place. As you may have noticed now, it’s a family business. It can both be a blessing and a curse sometimes.” Polly said with a sigh and sat down again and you started going through your tasks again.

---------------------------------------------

“Have you eaten at all?” Lizzie said when you were almost done for the day. After some intense hours of training polly left and Lizzie had giving you the first pieces of documents to look through, sort and send out to all the businesses under Shelby Company Limited. Lizzie came over to look over your work when your stomach growled. 

“Y/n. We had a break in the middle of the day. why didn’t you say you didn’t have any food?” Lizzie sounded like a worried mother but you just shrugged. Food was not something you could think about in the middle of learning so much new. You were already exhausted when you reached your break. But all you did was to leave the building and find a place to still alone, without anyone talking to you. You were so use to being alone in a room most of the day. All the new noises, people and tasks made your head spin and all you needed was to relax your head for a moment. 

“I can take you to buy some grocery after work if you like? Then you can prepare something to take with you for lunch. The common man didn’t mass strike for years for us not to enjoy our lunch break.” Lizzie said with a smile and you just nodded at her suggestion. Even though all you wanted was to get home to the rotten shed you now called home, it might be a good idea to be shown around in the neighborhood so you at least could buy yourself some food. 

“Where is my brother?” Yet again you jumped from your seat as another person entered the receiving room. This woman had brown slightly curly hair that swung around her head as she walked with haisty steps towards you and Lizzie. 

“Which one of them are you looking for?” Lizzie said with a bit of amusement in her tone. You guessed that this one was a Shelby as well. It was nice to know that it was only the men that sported the shaved-sides look.

“Ada, keep it down.” Tommy emerged from his room. He must have hear the woman, Ada, shout from inside his office. Ada walked up to him with crossed arms and was about to open her mouth to speak when Tommy put a finger to his mouth to shush her.

“Not here. We can take it in my office.” He said and nodded his head towards you. Ada finally looked at you and to your surprise, actually smiled at you.

“Oh! Another woman in the workspace. Good for you, brother. What is your name? I’m Ada.” She came up to you and reached out her hand for you to take. You took her hand to be polite. Her handshake was hard like a mans. I guess it made sense when she had three brothers. She had to be tough to fit in. 

“Her name is y/n. She doesn’t speak.” Lizzie said and whispered the last part. Like you couldn’t hear her when you were sat right next to her. 

“Maybe she’s a great listener then? Have you been introduced to Arthur’s pud down the road from here? It would be lovely to…” She didn’t get to finish when Tommy stepped in and broke the handshake and her sentence.

“Y/n is here to work, not to be your new girlfriend. You came here to talk to me, didn’t you?” He said, again, with that weird tone where you knew that he was upset but he sounded calm and collected at the same time. It was seriously scary. Ada must be brave, because all she did was to roll her eyes at him and bit you a quick goodbye before walking towards Tommy’s office with him.

“That was a lot of Shelbys at once. There is only one more brother but he’s very young. He’s not involved with the business yet.” Lizzie explained and your head was spinning again. As an only child you couldn’t imagine having to many siblings how they might fight with one another. They all seems so serious with each other. All business. 

“I think we can leave now. Whatever is going on in there could get loud when Ada is involved. You don’t need to hear that. We need to get some groceries for you anyway.”

----------------------------------------

Masterlist

Meet the crazy family!

Just so you know... I don’t have a specific season i’m writing from and i don’t know which of the characters will be in it yet. It’s all a bit of a mix of everything good from the different seasons i guess. I do this very freely and with new enemies and alliances than what you have met in the series. You’ll see later. 

-----------------------------------------

Taglist:

@im-the-colourless-sunshine

@fearthequeer595 

@sununicorn

@i-love-you-green​

@imnotsomewhore​

Hope that was everyone??

[sapienveneficus]

Elsie Fest 2019: A Broadway Music Festival Sans Broadway

Another year, another Elsie Fest. This year marks the Broadway festival's fifth anniversary, and it also happens to be the fourth Elsie Fest I've been able to attend. Coming off a the high of 2018's festival, this year's event had some mighty big shoes to fill. Did it succeed? In a word? No. I had fun last night, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't help but be disappointed by several aspects of the event. Let me break it down for you.

For those who haven't been to Elsie Fest, there's a rhythm to whole thing that's important to explain right at the top. The seating at the venue is, for the most part, general admission so people line up well before the gates open to secure the best spots near the stage. I joined the line about 2 hours before opening and, therefore, managed to snag a pretty good spot. I laid out my blanket, sat down, and took part in the hour-long showtunes sing-a-long lead, once again, by our favorite dynamic duo from Marie's Crisis. This hour of fun was a highlight for me; it always is. But this year especially it proved to be one of the few celebrations of Broadway to be found at this Broadway music festival. More on that later.

As the hour came to a close, and the guys from Marie's Crisis were wrapping things up on stage, I took a look around the venue. I couldn't help but notice that it wasn't as full as it had been the year before (or the year before that). That observation got me thinking, why was attendance down this year? After a bit of brainstorming, I came up with a few potential causes.

First up, timing. Elsie Fest has always been on a Sunday. Since the show moved to Central Park back in 2017, it has specifically been the Sunday smack dab in the middle of Columbus Day Weekend. For any international readers, Columbus Day is a federal holiday (like a bank holiday) here in the US that falls on the second Monday in October. So, for the past two years, Elsie Fest was been held in the middle of a 3 day weekend. Which meant it was generally easy for folks in the tri state area to make the trip into the city. Also, falling on a Sunday evening meant it was easy to get Broadway folks (even those currently in shows) to stop by since most shows only run a matinee on Sundays and typically have Mondays off. By choosing a Saturday this year, the organizers made it harder for some regular attendees to come out (people tend to have things to do on Saturdays plus, for some, it's the Sabbath), and they cut down on their talent pool significantly because they wouldn't be able to get anyone currently working on or off Broadway.

This segues nicely into the second reason for the potential dip in ticket sales, namely the featured performers. There weren't really any big names this year. Last year, for example, we had Sutton Foster, Joshua Henry, Grant Gustin, Matthew Morrison, Alex Newell, Nick Jonas, Zachary Levi, Casey Cott, Rufus Wainwright, Jodi Benson, and performances from Be More Chill and The Prom. This year, up until about a week before, the only big-ish name attached to the show was Gavin Creel. I say a week before because last week they announced Cynthia Erivo. I'm guessing she was added last minute in a desperate attempt to sell tickets. Which sort of worked, the venue wasn't empty, but kinda proves my point. By having this on a Saturday they weren't able to bring in the talent that they had in years past and, without those big names, they weren't able to bring in as many attendees.

Finally, the third reason for the lackluster ticket sales was New York Comic Con. This doesn't require much in the way of explanation. This weekend was New York Comic Con. Lots of the big panels, sales, and cosplay events fall on Saturday, and it's not a stretch to assume that NYCC and Elsie Fest are drawing from similar, if not the same, pools of people. So that probably hurt sales a bit as well. Though I suspect the two other reasons were larger contributing factors.

Okay, back to the show itself. After the sing-a-long, we were shown a quick trailer for High School Musical: The Musical – The Series. (You are not misreading what I wrote, that's the show's actual title) After the trailer, two of the kids came out to sing Breaking Free. Their performance was super cute, and I was reminded of the fact that HSM debuted in early 2006. Which means that all the tweens and teens who grew up with this film series are now fully-fledged adults. And they were out in the audience, in full force, singing along. It was a sweet moment to witness. And, not going to lie, I was singing along as well. I have a soft spot for the series myself. It'll always remind me of my first year of teaching. My students were obsessed HSM, and I was right there with them.

Next, Dyllon Burnside came out and performed an RnB version of Luck Be a Lady from Guys and Dolls. This number was okay. Dyllon's got a great voice and the woman who came up with him to dance as Luck was talented. But the performance had a rocky start because there wasn't an introduction. Someone just said into a mic, here's Dyllon Burnside, and then it started. I remember standing there thinking to myself, “Who's Dyllon Burnside?” I googled him today and found out he's on that Ryan Murphy show, Pose. It might have been a good idea to give that info up front. Anyhow, like I said, his performance was okay. RnB is not my cup of tea, but he had a good voice and a commanding stage presence so I could put up with that style for a single song.

After Dyllon, the composer of The Lightning Thief, Rob Rokicki, took the stage with a few backup singers. He performed Good Kid, The Lightning Thief's opening number. This performance was an example of how the timing of this year's festival hurt its lineup. Rob's a composer with a passable voice, not performer. And this song needs a cast of performers to be done properly. Unfortunately, Rob’s talented cast couldn't be there because it was Saturday night, and they had an evening show to do over at the Longacre. So we, the audience, were stuck with Rob. No offense to Rob, he seemed like a sweet guy, but he's not a performer. He should have been there to introduce his cast, not perform in their place.

After Rob, came the first set of the evening, a series of songs performed by Anais Mitchell, the composer/creator of Hadestown. I should probably begin this paragraph by explaining that I have not drunk the Hadestown kool aid. I have seen show, I did not like the show, but that is a matter for another post. Going into this set, I figured Anais would do a song from Hadestown and then take a few other Broadway tunes and put her folksy spin on them. That is not what happened. She sang 4 songs from Hadestown, and then a medley of songs from her newest album. To put it bluntly, her set was bad. Even if I liked Hadestown, which I do not, I would still have to be honest and say that she really missed the point of the festival. She was there to celebrate Broadway in general, not her show in particular. It'd be like Lin Manuel Miranda showing up and performing a whole bunch of songs from Hamilton. I mean, that'd be AMAZING, but I would have to be honest and admit that he would also have missed the point. What she should have done was a song from Hadestown, probably at the beginning, and then pick other Broadway songs. She could have told stories about showtunes that evoked special memories for her or demonstrated how certain showtunes might have folk elements hidden within them. What we didn't need was an ad for Hadestown/her latest album, but that was what we got. It was a real shame.

After Anais, Ariana DeBose took the stage. Thankfully, they gave her an introduction this time. Ariana's not a name yet, but that may change after Spielberg's West Side Story opens next year. (She's playing Anita) She kicked off her set with an RnB version of Shall We Dance from The King and I. Ariana is one of the artists who's been working on the R&H Goes Pop project on YouTube. Again, RnB is not my genre, but it was a good way to raise the energy there in the venue (as it at plummeted during the previous set) and to showcase her talent. Ariana has great tone, an impressive range, and real stage presence. So while I didn't enjoy the song itself, I was impressed with her performance overall. The next song she did was Invisible by Jason Robert Brown. It's a song off his latest album that he wrote for the Ronald McDonald House. This song was also done in an RnB style and, at this point, I started to worry that her whole set would be like this. Her next number was a medley of pop songs that dealt with cheating. It was fun, high energy, but again, it wasn’t Broadway. She could easily have used this to transition into Cell Block Tango or any other showtune about cheating (there are quite a few), but, alas, that wasn't the case. Instead, she covered Cold Play's Fix You. It was a great cover, don't get me wrong, but still not a Broadway song. At this point, I'd gone from starting to worry to full on worrying. Where were the showtunes? This is Elsie Fest, it's the one music festival for Broadway fans where their music is celebrated. That's why I love it so much and keep coming back year after year. So when her next number started off with All That Jazz from Chicago, I thought, “Finally!” but then she mashed it up with a few other Broadway/pop songs all sung by various “Divas” and my excitement diminished. Despite all of that, I held out hope that she'd close out her set with a song from West Side Story. It only made sense to get the crowd excited for next year's remake, right? Nope! Instead, she mashed up Donna Summer's Love to Love You Baby with Beyonce's Naughty Girl and I think an third song I didn't recognize, who knows? At that point, I was just glad to see her leave the stage; what a disappointment.

Gavin Creel was up next. He began his set with a mashup of hits from all the shows he's been a part of. I heard Put on Your Sunday Clothes, What Do I Need With Love, Ilona, Bad Idea, You and Me (But Mostly Me), and a moment of I've Got Life. This was a great way to kick things off; a reminder of all he's accomplished on Broadway thus far. Next, after a joke about always finding your light onstage, he performed Moving Too Fast from The Last Five Years, a personal favorite of mine. Then he did a song he wrote for a showcase he'll be putting on sometime next year. After that, he sat down at the piano to do Something Wonderful from the King and I. He ended his set with The Flesh Failures/Let the Sunshine In. Now, I knew he'd do something from Hair. I'd been hoping it'd be either Going Down (if you really want to hear someone gush about his version of that song, check out Seth Rudetsky's review on YouTube, it's delightful) or Where Do I Go?, but he chose the closing number instead. Not a bad decision, but it's not a song that can be performed solo. So, as it came time for the female lead's part in the song, I figured Cynthia or Ariana would come out to join him. That's the sort of thing that happens a lot at Elsie Fest. People will pop into each others sets to help out. Last year, famously, Will Roland, Grant Gustin, and Darren Criss teamed up to do Sincerely, Me during Grant's short set. And who could forget Aaron Tveit popping up during Leslie Odom Jr.'s set to duet with him on What You Own? But, for some unknown reason, Gavin tried to do the whole song by himself which just didn't work. So his strong set ended on kind of a sour note. I will say, Gavin's approach to crafting his setlist was perfect. He chose a good variety showtunes (old and new) and gave us a taste of what might be coming next for him. People working on set lists for next year ought to take notes. My only critique would be the lack of a female voice during his last number. Other than that, flawless.

Next, the cast of the upcoming show, Jagged Little Pill, took the stage. I had been looking forward to their performance as the show's been generating quite a bit of buzz since its out of town tryout last summer in Boston. At last year's Elsie Fest, both The Prom and Be More Chill performed two numbers a piece. So, with that blueprint in mind, I figured Jagged Little Pill would do maybe a lesser known Alanis song first and then end with a big hit. They started their set with Forgiven. It was a lesser known song that utilized the entire cast so it made for a strong opening number. I figured they'd end with something more well know like, You Learn or You Oughta Know. So I was genuinely shocked when they left the stage after only performing one song. What happened to their second song? Did they run out of time? Or, if for some reason they were only allowed one number this year, why did they choose such an obscure song? This was their chance to get the audience fired up for their new show, and by only performing Forgiven, they failed to do that. It was such a bizarre choice.

Cynthia Erivo, the lady of the hour, was up next. I'd missed her set at Elsie Fest 2016 so I was all the more eager to see which songs she'd choose to perform this time around. I figured she'd have to do one from The Color Purple, but the rest was anyone's guess. Would she go modern? Classic? A mix of both? There was no way of know, but I was excited to find out. She came out on stage, full of poise and grace, wearing these adorable cat-eye glasses and greeted the audience in such a sweet way. She seemed genuinely thrilled to see us all. She kicked off her set with Elvis's Can't Help Falling in Love. She sang it beautifully, but it was an odd choice. Then she sang Ain't No Way by Aretha Franklin. Again, she sang it flawlessly; this is Cynthia Erivo we're talking about. Everything she sings could be recorded and used as part of a master class in vocal performance. But where were the the showtunes? We were 0 for 2, and I was starting to get that worried feeling again. Then Darren came onstage with his guitar and accompanied her on Miss Celie's Blues by Quincy Jones. Also not a Broadway song, but it was featured in the film version of The Color Purple so it was a sort of nod to Broadway, I suppose. Then she did One Night Only. Finally, a showtune! Not one that I happen to like, but that point, I was desperate for something, anything. Next, she did a slowed down version of I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, and I sighed internally. It's not that I don't like the song, I do, but it was yet another pop song. Clearly, no one had given the night's performers any sort of guidance so they were just singing, whatever. Cynthia followed up the Whitney Houston number with Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. If you're thinking to yourself, that's not a showtune either, you would be correct. The Lauper tune was how she ended her set. Again, like everything she performed, she sang it beautifully. My issue with her set was the overall lack of Broadway. This is Elsie Fest, a celebration of Broadway music. As a Broadway fan, that's what I want to hear. If I wanted to hear nothing but oldies, I'd go to an oldies music festival, if I wanted to hear all rock and roll, I'd go to one of those festivals, and so on and so on. I come to Elsie Fest for the showtunes, both old and new.

The last set before Darren's was Michael Feinstein's. Right off the bat, saving Michael's set for so late in the night was a very bad idea. He should have gone first or very nearly first when the audience was fresh and more forgiving. Michael is a very wealthly older gentleman. I don't know how he made his millions, but he was able to buy and open the cabaret club 54 Below so he's clearly got a few pennies tucked away. Maybe he flashed a few of those pennies to get such a prime timeslot, but that was a mistake. The audience was bored to tears by his set. Standing there while he performed I started to feel like the whole night up to that point had been a bit of a lousy dichotomy. Either listen to pop and RnB sung beautifully when all you want to hear are showtunes, or listen to showtunes sung poorly. I was standing there thinking, “Isn't there an option C? Didn't I pay to attend option C?” Yeah, Michael probably had a lovely voice back in the day, but that day has long since passed. He started his set with A Lot of Living to Do and then gave the audience a lecture on why Bye Bye Birdie is so important to the history of musical theater. Next, he did I Only Have Eyes for You from 42nd Street. He'd lost the crowd at that point. People were BORED. Then, after another lecture, he did the St. Louis Blues, badly. Then he put together I Don't Want to be Lonely Tonight with One Less Bell to Answer. The next song he did cannot, apparently, be googled so it will have to remain a mystery. Finally, at long last, he closed out his set with a Frank Sinatra medley. Darren came out to join him, which woke the audience up (some had literally laid down and gone to sleep). Looking back over his set, all 6 songs (5 too many if you ask me), I can't help but draw the conclusion that he gave the organizers of Elsie Fest an inordinate amount of money for a chance to perform. I hope they spend it wisely next year.

At long last, it was time for Darren's set. He had to go on 20 minutes late so we'll never know which songs he was forced to cut from the lineup. All I do know is that the 7 songs he chose were all winners. He kicked things off with a Glee song, Everybody Wants to Rule the World. It was excellent, pop at its finest. Next, he did Waving Through a Window and the crowd lost their minds. Fear not, I was right there with them; cheering and grinning like an idiot. If the crowed seemed keyed up during the Dear Evan Hansen number, they found a new stratosphere of joy to reach when he next performed Wait for It from Hamilton. It felt like suffering through all the bad sets that night had been worth it, almost. Next he pulled out his guitar and started to perform Wig in a Box and, I kid you not, I almost started crying. It had been a long night, full of disappointments, and Darren's set was pure perfection. He then paused, midway through the song, to bring out Lena Hall. What a treat! She sang her verse powerfully and then, Darren paused again to introduce John Cameron Mitchell, and the three of them brought the song home. I felt so euphoric at that point that I lack the words to properly describe it. What a historic moment! How do you follow something like that up? By taking things back to Hogwarts! First Jamie Lyn Beatty joined Darren on stage to perform Harry from AVPM. Next, Joey Richter and Lauren Lopez performed Granger Danger to riotous applause. Then, for the final number of Elsie Fest 2019, the entire Star Kid crew came out do do Goin' Back to Hogwarts. It was such a special moment; being in that crowd of fans singing along 10 years after the musical blew up online. After team Star Kid took their final bows, Darren thanked us and said he hoped to see us back next year.

Final thoughts, I hope to see him back next year too. But I also hope the organizers of Elsie Fest take a good hard look at how things went this year, and make some changes. First off, the festival needs to be held on a Sunday. To put on a festival, you need attendees and performers, and you're not going to get enough of either on a Saturday, you're just not. Second, they need to start booking talent now. They need names to bring people in. Because, even if fans are available, they're sure as heck not making the trip to see Michael Feinstein, someone who will be in a Spielberg film next year, and a kid from Pose. I'll even leave a few suggestions here: Ben Platt, Jonathan Groff, Lin Manuel Miranda, Jessie Mueller, Alex Brightman, Ethan Slater, Renee Elise Golsberry, Telly Leung, Eva Noblezada, George Salazar, Jenn Colella, etc. Third and finally, they need to have a good long think about what they want Elsie Fest to be. If they want it to remain a celebration of Broadway, then they need to book performers who are committed to that vision. If they want to change the vision, they need to let the audience know ahead of time so they can make an informed decision when buying tickets. To be perfectly honest, I felt a bit duped this year. I had paid for one thing but had gotten something else instead. So, there you are, Elsie Fest organizers. Do those three things between now and next October, and you'll have a successful festival in 2020.

[classlesstulip]

  Alright, I mentioned a while back that if anyone was interested, I would post some of the things that didn’t make it into my fic’s and the like. HERE’S THE FIRST ONE!

This particular one is how “Sugar Daddy” was going to start.

He was exhausted, irritated, angry, frustrated, and he felt like his head was about to explode. From the moment he woke up, Julian's day had been shit. This was just the icing on top of the shit cake.

     Last night, he and his now-ex had broken up. He had suspicions for a while that she was cheating and it was confirmed in the most explosive way possible.

     It's not every day that you catch your girlfriend snogging a guy at the bar you WORK at. Or you call her phone, have her deny it, and continue to do so even when you're both staring the other straight in the eye from across the bar. After having at it, he tossed her shit out. By that point, it was near 4am and they had attracted the whole floor of the apartment building.

     Thinking that was that, he essentially took a short nap before getting up for his Epidemiology lecture. After, he had to rush to his residency, getting stuck in the subway when power to the car went out. Getting chewed out by the Ward Director, he got vomited on, along with a volunteer accidentally spilling a tray of urine samples all over him.

     Suffice to say, one would think that things couldn't get worse. Alas, one would be so very wrong. Because that night the bar was packed because of a late-running football match, and Millwall fans are fucking dicks.

     After everything that happened, he decided to treat himself. Picking up a curry, he made his way to his unit just to find some stranger knocking on the door. Thinking they were looking for someone and had gotten lost, Julian decided to do a good deed and help the poor guy out…

     ...just to find out his ex had signed him up on every hook-up site and app she could find, posting his personal ADDRESS for anyone to see.

     He should just go back to Russia.

***

     Rubbing his eyes, he flopped back onto his bed, laptop balanced between crossed legs. On the glowing screen was his open email, message after message and advert after advert for different ‘mingling’ sites displayed.

     Grindr, Tinder, Bumble, the whole shebang. Literally dozens, including ones he didn't even think existed.

     (Some guy named GoatBoy69 on pissparty.com keeps emailing him, wanting Julian to ‘let loose’ all over his chest while he gets railed by his boyfriend. Julian just wants to vanish into the ether.)

     Hearing another chime chirp from his computer, he groaned in emotional agony. Every five minutes he got something from one of the sites, the most active one being a hardcore BDSM sugar baby finder. It hasn't even been a full day since their breakup and he literally has a hundred messages from this site alone.

     Julian would be lying to himself if he said that having a bunch of rich people want to bone him and pay his tuition wasn't a powertrip. Any other time he would be gloating. But, considering he hadn't signed up in the first place, he was just frustrated.

     Another chime coincided with a knock at the door. Sighing in tired resignation he went to answer, ready to repeat his spiel once again. Flinging open the door, he saw no-one before looking down.

     A short woman stood there, dressed in a power suit that probably cost more than what he made in a year. Her long mahogany hair was pulled up in a bun, and she had dark eyes. Like a few others before her, she held a duffle bag that no doubt held all sorts of sordid sex toys.

     For some reason, this was the last straw. All of the anger, frustration, and just downright sadness hit him all at once.

     Something must have shown on his face because her expression turned from one of controlled flirtation to concern in an instant. She shuffled him back into the apartment, set him down in his breakfast nook, and made him a cup of tea.

     “From the look on your face, this was not your doing, hmm?” She had a nice voice, lower than most women. It was soothing to his frayed nerves.

     “Ah, no, um, miss. It was not, Prew, my ex-” she held out a hand, cutting him off.

    “Say no more. And let me guess? She signed you up for everything under the sun?”

     Julian could only give a subdued nod, sipping his tea. He had curled his long fingers around the stoneware, trying to suck in the warmth it provided. “I emailed most other sites, explaining what happened. They've, ah, been very understanding. Along with my bank. Some sites had a registration fee. I didn't know until one mentioned a refund.” Checking his account balance nearly gave him a heart attack; he only had £5.84 to get him through the rest of the week.

     And it was only Tuesday.

     She hummed. “Have you seen the pictures?”

     His heart stopped.

     Pictures. Prew had posted PICTURES!

     His guest sighed. “I'll take that as a no. Here,” pulling out her phone, she tapped the screen a few times before passing it to him. On it, he could ‘see’ his profile.

     Username: CumDump069

     Sex: Male

     Gender: Male

     Orientation: Everyone and everything ;)

     Tribe: Hard bottom, sissy

     Looking for: Someone to boss me around and hurt me hard! ;lick emoji;

     His face went red when it got to the kinks section. Some were actually quite truthful, while others were quite disgusting.

     (Now he knows why GoatBoy is so interested in him.)

     His heart stopped at the pictures. Some were quite innocent. One was from their day at the beach a few weeks back. The others were personal. Things that should have been kept between them.

     (A small part of him was puzzled; the ‘Mods Favorite’ pic was taken of his shirtless back as he sprawled in bed. Others were more risqué, so why is this a fave?)

     Glimpsing through some of the comments, he passed her phone back with a snort of disgust. “No, I hadn't. Those were personal, just between us.” He felt hollow, violated. Another muffled chime was heard. Julian sighed, cupping his face and leaning on his elbows.

     “Hmm, give me a minute. Oh, the name's Lucille, by the way.” Tapping on her phone again, she placed a call. It only rang through for a few moments before getting picked up. A man's voice could be heard, but it was too quiet for Julian to hear what he said.

     “Hey, Ty. What's going on?” Some gibberish. “I know, I know. In fact, I'm sitting in front of him. Thing is, he didn't do it.” An incredulous sound. “Mhmm, ex-girlfriend. Think you can help out?” An affirmative sound, followed by a few more sentences. Lucille turned to him, “do you mind if I put this on speaker? Ty just wants to ask you a few questions.”

     “Why not? My weeks already ruined.”

     “Awwww, don't be like that. Ty's pretty good at taking care of things. A total Daddy. And you,” she gave him a slow once over, a smirk pulling at her lips, “look like someone Daddy needs to take care of.” Before Julian could sputter out a denial, she put the phone on speaker.

     “Hello?”

     Julian went redder than a brick house. Lucille snorted, not missing the effect such a dark and growly voice had on him. “He-hello? I'm, uh, Julian. Thank you for helping me?” Dear lord above, he hopes the other didn't hear his voice crack.

     “It's no problem, sweetheart. Us kinkster's take things like consent seriously. Now, do you have your computer in front of you? I'm going to be doing some things to your account before we close it.”

     Dashing to get his laptop, he plunked it down before sitting. Navigating to the site's main page, he gave an affirmative.

     “Nice. So, I'm going to start by locking your profile and changing the username. Afterward, it'll get wiped of your info and a disclaimer put up. Then, it'll be left as is for a few days so word will get spread of just what happened. A week later and it'll disappear like magic.”

     “Question. Why leave it up, and not just delete it?”

     “Well, your ex probably has you on a couple of different sites, and our community isn't just limited to using just one. This is the quickest way to spread word and have others keep an eye out. As it is, some of your info is already on the deep web.”

     Julian's heart sank.

     “Unfortunately, honey, the damage is done. All we can do is control. Lucky for you,” Lucille threw him a saucy wink, “a lot of us who use the site have some power and influence. We can keep quiet a bit of your info out of the wrong hands.”

     “I'll also give you my personal number, in case some people won't take no for an answer. I'm not worried about our members acting...improper, so much as the damned vanilla community. Fuckers don't understand that no means no.” Ty rattled off a number, one that had an international code.

     After a few moments of silence, Julian then saw his profile change. All the photos and info vanished. Stuck to the top of the page was a banner, disclaiming this page as being a ‘compromised account, not to be pursued’ with a small screenshot of what had been listed. Another beat later and his eyebrows vanished into his hairline; a multi-paragraph legal disclaimer popped up, stating things like ‘impersonation’, ‘distribution of personal assets’, ‘revenge pornography’, and a list of sites that are also on the lookout.

     This guy has done more to stop and fix the issue than his bank did. And when he called the police, he got laughed at.

     “So, that's that. Now for a profile name. You want anything in particular? Unfortunately, I can't leave it blank. The foundational coding throws a fit if left blank.”

     “If you let him pick, he'll go with something cutesy. Don't do it.”

     “I am beyond the point of caring. I'm tired. I'm hungry. My day has been shit. He can call me ‘kitten’ for all I care.”

     “Mmmhhhh, so if I pet you, will you purr for me?” Ty's voice went darker, a strong heat coming through. Julian covered his face as he groaned in mortification. The other let out a rumbly chuckle. “Gotta say, babe, may want to be careful. You can give a guy ideas…”

     “Tiberius. Leave him alone.”

     “*snort* Oh, you're no fun anymore. Fine, I'll leave sweetheart alone.” A few beats of silence, Ty grumbling under his breath. “There. Got you a new name and everything. I've put extra security on your account in case your ex tries anything. I'll send it to your email. I've also taken care of your registration fee. It's been marked as expedited, so it should be in your account by morning.”

***

     Lucille left after everything was wrapped up, also leaving her number as well. Feeling much lighter than before, Julian slept soundly. His good luck must have carried over because his classes the next day were canceled due to a burst pipe, and his supervisory doctor, Dr. Satrinava left him a message to have the day off, he looked like hell.

     Having a day off for the first time in a while let him do some much-needed housekeeping. Starting a load of laundry, he tackled the dishes as it ran. Looking into his fridge and pantry reminded him he needed to do some needed grocery shopping. Wondering about what he had to work with, he opened his banking app. He wasn't expecting much, knowing that refunds take a few days to process. He just needs enough to get by until the weekend. Seeing his checking account, he nearly dropped his phone, fingers going numb.

     There was £5,000 in his account. He didn't even have a full £1,000 the day before this bullshitfest started, having just paid his rent and utilities. Where the fuck did this come from?

     Heart going mad, he looked through his recent transactions. The usual deductions were clear as day, and he could pinpoint the start of Prew's transgressions. Scrolling through, he made a mental note to email a few other sites he must have missed. Coming to today, there was only one thing posted.

     March 22nd, 2018 (Con't):

       www.darkdelights.com

                               -£99.99

       www.ashleymadison.com

                               -£19.99

       www.sugarandsting.com

                              -£100.00

     March 23, 2018

       www.sugarandsting.com

                           +£100.00

       Roman Financial

                           +£6000.00

       Account Balance: +£5007.45

     Sinking into his kitchen chair, he gave a shaking exhale. This must be a mistake. There is no way that that money is his. He doesn't even know of a Roman Financial!

***

     One panic attack and several hours of being on hold later, and Julian had a few answers. The transfer came directly from a personal bank account. Getting passed around to different levels of the fraud department revealed that the individual called in the transfer and had Julian's account info. Put on hold again, the investigator called Roman for further inquiries. Getting patched into a conference call, the personal accountant of the originator confirmed that yes, it's legit, no, no need for thanks, it's a gift, and will he be okay for right now or does he need more funds until everything is sorted out?

     (Julian is embarrassed to admit that he made a sound not unlike an angry teakettle when asked that. He swears he heard the accountant smother a laugh.)

     Finishing up the call, he had an internal battle with himself. He knows for a fact that the money has to have come from someone who was a member of one of the ‘sugar baby’ websites. Two of the ones he was signed up for had a listing for a checking account, but both were to what must be Prew's account.

     Which means a moderator had to have done it. The question is, why? Is it hush money? Is it a bribe? Settlement?

     Or is someone making good on picking him up as a sugar baby? If so, is he spending this money (on greatly needed essentials, granted) implying his agreement to such an arraignment?

     He'll need to call Ty on this.

***

     Fixing up a cuppa, he curled up on the couch. Wrapping a blanket around his shoulders, Julian scrolled through his phone before selecting Ty's number. Listening to it ring through, he hoped he didn't wake the other. International numbers can be so unpredictable.

     “Mrrh’lo?” A rough, gravelly voice rumbled through the speaker. Julian winced, knowing that he did, indeed wake the other man.

     “Ah, sorry to wake you, Ty,” he felt so guilty. “But, um, something came up and Lucille made a comment last night that leads me to believe you can answer it and ohgodI'msorryto-”

     “Nah, calm down, sweetheart. I've shoulda woke hours ago,” a loud yawn could be heard in the background. “What's goin’ on, babe?”

     “...what's sugar baby etiquette?”

     “Ooooh, you lookin’ for a Daddy? I'm available if you're interested. I know I certainly am.”

     Redder than a hydrant, Julian explained. He stumbled and started a few times, not being familiar with being so frank. He'll flirt up a storm, tease you nice and good, but being this blunt? 

     Never heard of her.

     “Eh, if the accountant says not to worry, then don't. You would have been told directly and in no certain terms what's going on. Hell, a signed contract needs to be established before the relationship can go. If they try to goad you into this, using the money as an excuse, call me. Our site has a top-notch team of rabid lawyers.”

     Julian felt himself relax. It's not normal to trust a literal stranger this much after everything that happened, but he has no real choice. It also helps that neither Lucille or Ty are twigging his ‘Stranger Danger’ alarm.

     Hearing a chime from his laptop, he opened it. Among the now-familiar deluge of mailbox porn was a friend request.

     “I've sent you a request. My handle on Sugar and Sting is ‘NightmareFuel’. A few members are feeling a little worried, so if you're open to it, I can make your profile interactive.”

     Julian was left feeling speechless. He's lived in Cambridge for nearly four years, going back home to Kursk rarely. He has few friends this far from home, despite the efforts of Dr. Satrinava, and his ex-girlfriend is doing her best to make him miserable.

     And here is a group of rich, kinky bastards who want to make sure he's okay.

***

     During dinner, he accepted both the request and decided to make his profile public. Within minutes, he had over a dozen requests, each attached to a message asking how he was doing. Composing himself, he accepted and responded to a few. One linked to a ‘Misc.’ chat board, saying it was kink-free and a good hangout. Logging in, he was bombarded with a variety of greetings, both typed and voice. Dozens of men and women, sounding like they came from all over the world, were treating him like an old friend.

     Sweetheart: Hello? It's nice to meet you all.

     BangCOCK!: finally! fresh MEAT!

     FuckBoysGet$$$: dont you fcuking start

     Snek_Boops: Hello! (waves)

     Qween: Good evening.

     Sweetheart: Wait what? Why is this my handle?

     BangCOCK!: (looking @ Fuel)

     FuckBoysGet$$$: (looking @ Fuel)

     Qween: (looking @ Fuel)

     Snek_Boops: Fuel did it!

     NightmareFuel: fuck all u motherfuckers suck my dick

     Fuck you, Ty. Fuck. You.

***

     The next few months, school really ramped up. He was moved to the labs, analyzing samples and diagnosing illnesses. The bar finally got another bartender on hand, along with additional bouncers, lightening his load significantly.

     Things with Prew continued to go downhill. He had changed the locks a few days after she left but isn't able to move until his lease is up. He may still be stuck there because not many other buildings have flats within his budget. He's trying to find a better job, but not many places offer good pay and are willing to work around his schedule. Dr. Satrinava is putting out word to her colleagues, but not many are in the market for a student that still has another three years to go before being a fully viable employee.

     At least once a week some rando will show up, knocking on his door. Most left him alone when told what's going on, one revealing they found his info on a fucking bathroom stall. A few tried to get handsy regardless. He's already had to send some off with broken noses, one with a broken arm. Last week, he punched a guy so hard that he dislocated his finger along with the guy's teeth.

     (Dr. Satrinava gave him the most disappointed look he's received from anyone other than his mother. Due to his splint, he's been relegated to ‘File Boy’.)

     His resolve is starting to wear thin. He needs to get out, he needs sleep, and he needs a job that will give him the flexibility required to continue his education. He's thought of asking Ty and the others if they know of anyone willing to hire him, but he doesn't want to lean on them too much. Two already are helping him understand some of the weirder concepts of evolutionary biology.

     Looking at his bank account again, Julian sighed. He may not have a choice. Tapping a well-known contact, he shot off a text. Getting a skype invite back, he opened his laptop before launching the app. Putting on his headphones, a wave of nervousness washed over him: with only one exception, all interactions between himself and Ty had someone else present in some way. Granted, they talk nearly every day through Sugar and Sting's chat function but never solo. Until now.

     “So, you said you needed a better job?”

     Julian jumped, having drifted off. That same low heat pooled in his gut, a familiar friend that comes around every time he hears Ty's voice. “Ah, um, yes. Prew has scrawled my address on many, um, loo stalls and it's just, just-”, he gasped, exhaustion and fear collapsing over his chest. “I just can't take it anymore. I can't sleep, my job sucks, I've had to fight off sever-” Ty cut him off.

     “Fight? People have tried to hurt you!? You should have called me when this started! *sigh* Sweetheart, when I said call me if you need help, I meant it. Shit like what your cunt ex did can last for months, if not years. Just…*grumbles*.”

     Julian's chest felt tight. “Sorry. I didn't mean to anger you. It's just…”

     “Haaaa, I know. And I'm not angry at you. Just the situation. When this started happening I did a bit of background on you, and having such a good, hardworking person get dicked over by some self-perceived princess gets me mad.

     Can you give me a few days? I assume you're not looking to be ‘acquired’, so getting something tossed your way may be difficult. I also take it you're looking for something medical-related?”

     “Yes, please.” He was quiet, feeling bashful.

     “Alright, I'll send you what I find. I may know of a few leads. Have a nice night, Sweetheart.”

[quarantingz]

attempting to write again...

sunday, 7 june at 10 am

The truth is I haven’t posted in God knows how long because with every attempt I’ve made to write, it would just get cut short by this nagging need for every sentence to be grammatically perfect and equally profound. For it to be coherent and concise. But that’s not how my mind works at all. What initially was supposed to be a safe and healthy space (and way) for Alyssa and I to express ourselves had turned into something more regulated, for me at least. I had slept with my social editor (credits to Welby Ings for coining this term) which extended beyond a one night stand and now I need to break up with him. So please bear with me as I now proceed to do exactly that, by trying to write after many previous failed attempts. Only this time with less judgment and resistance.

I guess another truth worth mentioning as to why I haven’t returned from my writing hiatus, if we want to call it that, was because I was wrestling with a lot of thoughts and ideas. Both internal and external, ever since coming out of lockdown and back into society. Almost like an ex-convict freed from jail. Only I didn’t see iso as anything closely resembling imprisonment but rather a time for rest and retreat. It’s funny because the book I spent almost all of quarantine in the company of (I consider books as my friends at this point) was about house arrest too. I learned a lot from that book. I’ll quote a handful of lines that stood out to me throughout this blogpost.

Right now I’m sitting here reflecting again on what lockdown entailed for me. I know I’m not alone in saying that it was actually a really positive experience. Although difficult in the beginning, I allowed myself to relax for once. Yes I still felt on edge, anxious and frantic at times but most of my mornings were sacred and something to look back fondly on.

I’m going to be honest again and say that I’m finding it hard to continue writing right now. Before creating this Note entry, everything was coming so clearly and naturally to me but now that I’m trying to articulate my thoughts, I can’t seem to get past this huge boulder blocking my way. And it’s really fucking annoying, to say the least. But I’ll keep trying.

Let me use some of the stuff I’ve been writing in my journal as prompts… In it I wrote a few days ago that one of my biggest fears, if not my worst one, is to lose (connection with) myself. Now I’ve put those two words in brackets because at its core, I think I’m generally just scared of losing myself. Which has a lot of other things attached to it. I’m scared of losing for even a moment what I’ve recently perceived as this heightened self-awareness I’ve somehow gained during lockdown. I’m scared of the thought of not progressing in my personal, career and spiritual growth. Of plateauing in even one of these departments.  

When level 2 started and I was able to be in the presence of another being in close proximity again, I kind of felt weird. I missed solitude which I forget was always something I craved as an introvert wherever I can squeeze it in each day. Given that I had more moments of solitude than I’ve ever had in my whole life in the two months we were all forced to stay inside our homes, I got too comfortable with this new way of living. I woke up, checked my sleep quality, meditated, walked the dogs, made coffee, read Scriptures, did deep work for at least two hours (which was made possible by putting my phone on airplane mode), had proper sit-down lunches with my family, read for leisure and ran regularly. In retrospect, it was the best retreat I could’ve asked for. To top it all off, there was no real pressure coming from my manager on the project I was working on. All in all, it was a great time and I can’t express enough how grateful I am to have had that privilege. To actually experience work-life balance in its rawest form.

Hence why I think it was so fitting that I stumbled upon the novel A Gentleman in Moscow which centred around an excellent example of a man who lives an intentional and purposely unrushed life while under house arrest. Someone who genuinely enjoys life’s simple pleasures. “When all was said and done,” he argues, “the endeavours that most modern men saw as urgent . . . probably could have waited, while those they deemed frivolous (such as cups of tea and friendly chats) had deserved their immediate attention.”

But after a fulfilling day of experiencing the latter with Alyssa and Cullen, I got home and was suddenly hit by this familiar wave of guilt for not “working on something” at the moment. Although this growth mindset has served me well all my life, it has also impeded my ability to tune into the Now. In saying that, I feel like quarantine primed me for what's next. And I do feel like something new is coming. Not just for me but for all of us. Cullen felt and pointed it out too. While there have been a lot of challenging events that happened through the course of the year so far, the optimist in me can’t help but feel like something good can still come out of all of this. Of course there are also a lot of other layers to this feeling. Anxiety, dread, boldness, excitement, intimidation, glee, hope, determination, faith, fear, love, doubt. And it doesn’t just end there. It’s perpetual. Cyclical. Contradictory. Which is part of the human condition and brings me to this line in the aforementioned book:

“By their very nature, human beings are so capricious, so complex, so delightfully contradictory, that they deserve not only our consideration, but our reconsideration—and our unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour.”

There’s a lot to learn and more importantly relearn. About humanity and society at large. The past and how we want to move forward and change for the better. Which is going to take a hell of a lot of work that doesn’t occur overnight. In the context of the Black Lives Matter movement, I’ve been seeing a lot of inspiring statements about showing up however we can and how being an ally to the oppressed can manifest in various ways. And if we think about it there is no point in fighting when the very goal is to support, respect and love each other. So I guess what I’m trying to do is echo Alyssa’s words on checking within ourselves first before we take action or impose anything on anyone else. To withhold judgment aimed towards another being since at the end of the day we’re all just One Body aren’t we? (Thanks to Alyssa and Cullz for bringing up this term yesterday) 

I feel like I could say so much more but I’m no expert in social studies or anything for that matter so I’ve refrained from publicly speaking up. Alas, admitting ignorance is often the first and important step to gaining knowledge. Conversely, listening closely before speaking is integral to understanding. Two truths that I’m currently living by and trying to improve on. 

with tender love and respect,

- p

[albakatrinaalexis]

Bittersweet Tea Parties: A Memoir

        There exist times where I wake from my slumber, disoriented, frazzled with a warm fuzzy swell in my chest. Moments like these takes me back to when I was younger, times I consider more carefree compared to the present. Where things seemed less complicated and I have fewer issues to heavily think about. When living was in no way considered as a hassle.

           At a young age most of us aren’t exposed to issues occurring within our families or society or even the government. Parents, often, take pride of their child’s innocence and tries to preserve it as much as possible. Although there still exist a number of younglings that are unfortunately exposed to sorts of things at an early stage of their lives, forcing them to mature rather quickly to be able to cope with such matters. Hindering them from appreciating their gift of youth.

           As a child I developed a love for the cliché playing with little tea sets and ceramics I got to collect, my mother was fortunately supportive of this hobby which I was thankful for. The soft clinks of miniature teacups and pots filled with nothing but plain tap water, I remember the sound of liquid being poured as my impressionable mind made effort to make myself believe that this stale water was indeed jasmine tea. Giggles would fill the room as I set the pot down with liquid dribbling from its spout. Allowing myself to loosen up and drift to places I've never been before creating whole new scenarios and stories. It was pleasant, to say the least.

           I’d play this by myself, even at a young age being alone wasn’t a new concept for me, it was not really considered lonely back then and I was contented with that set-up, often I find myself missing those days. Being able to shut my eyes and fall into utter bliss with being at peace. It never fails to amuse me how I managed to survive as a single player half into the game of life, choosing to be by myself and being fine with that but, of course, society disapproved and sneaked its way in every nook and cranny of my being, hand-in-hand with life as they push me off the gutter and down on the floor. Standards were forced down my throat along with a series of false truths and rights and wrongs set by society itself.

           I was overwhelmed, exhausted even.

           Suddenly playing with tea sets with myself aren’t fun anymore. Having the choice of being alone, to stand independently, is now considered weird. Not the good kind of weird, although synonymous with being unique, no, being different is bad and not holistically accepted by most people. And as a kid I struggled with this internal battle. A part of me wanted to go back to being able to enjoy the comfort of me having no other company that being alone does not equal to lonesomeness or the inability to make friends, none of these were negatives until toxic society deemed it so.

           Alas, I failed. The side glances, the harsh words spat directly at me, the shoves and pushes, the glares and bothered looks people gave got into me. For the reasons of choosing to be alone and being critical with who I choose to hang out with. I gave in, and forced myself to squeeze in groups I never really vibed with for the sake of not being considered weird, alone. Oh how I wish I am as knowledgeable as I am today compared to before, being able to not take offense when called out for being different taking it as a compliment rather an insult. But, oh boy, was I livid when called weird when I was younger. Treating the word somewhat like a curse, it shook my whole being making me want to explode.

           I was not able to enjoy days with myself alone anymore, and being an only child made it a little more challenging, worst even. No longer was I able to bask in the comfort of silence for silence has become deafening. Morphing into the monster under my bed, the boogeyman, a constant ringing in my ear a redundant reminder that my teacups and pots no longer misses me.

           Though I miss them.

           If it wasn’t for the saddening thoughts bouncing along the confines of my skull, I would have gladly returned to who I was before. But stubbornness clawed its way up to my head for integration and for a moment I was stuck in a loop of constant self-doubt to the point of unhappiness.

           “Would you die without having these people around you?” The voice of my mom echoed within the four walls I built, waking me. Realization slapped me right across the face lacking restraint. Suddenly the dam behind the windows to my soul broke and the river was freed, trailing down my face and tainting my cheeks with everything I have held back during these times. I have wasted a fraction of my lifetime trying to please people who couldn’t care less about my wellbeing, and that was one of my biggest regrets, up until today.

           I slept for a long period of time that night, the lightness of my shoulders was an obvious comfort for me after what I have been through. No longer was I discomfited of my habits and the things I like, I stopped restraining myself from the stuff I wanted to do and I was ecstatic with my new found glow. With that being said, I came running back to my hidden stash of teacups, saucers and pot and got lost in my sweet haven, a little worn and dusty but it still felt like the same happy place I have grown to love.

           From that I had gravitated to engaging with the actual habit of tea drinking, as a result of my constant search for peace, I guess. Something about holding a warm cup of tea between my palms sets my mind at peace. The soft plop of teabags sinking to the bottom of the cup to steep and the faint aroma of tealeaves brings me back home, I sigh with every gulp as warmth trails down my chest sitting down my stomach. As I savor my drink ‘til the last drop I remind myself that I am safe and that my life should also be savored ‘til my last breath.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

Ali: One of your kids is here??? Ro: Oh no! Ro: I double checked everyone was aware of the cancellations and everything Ali: You know what people are like, probably received but didn't actually read/listen to the message, like Ali: I'll quickly get in before ma can be her charming self any harder Ro: Thank you Ali: [allow time for that] Ali: Done Ali: Why'd you have to cancel anyway? Ro: Sadly I have yet to master being able to be in two places at once, especially when one of those places is so ridiculously far away Ro: What's more surprising though is that you've remained at home for long enough shepherd my pupil in and out for me without assumedly cursing Tess Ali: Ugh, I feel that Ali: until we're blessed with time-turners, we'll all have to muddle through Ali: and I've been there enough myself to guess where you are, so I won't pout about any potential adventures you could've been on Ali: everyone is DOA and MIA today, plus if I let her shout at me for long enough she might not ground me forever 🤞 Ro: Indeed Ro: Well, I can't deny that would be very much appreciated as I've been subjected to plenty of pouting already as things stand Ro: You can let her know that I'll be making my grand return soon enough which will at the very least give her another target should she desire one Ali: You can probably ignore him, he's just feeling the ill-effects of a 3-day bender, like Ali: some hydration and vitamin c and he'll be over it Ali: can't say the same of mother but my sins definitely outweigh yours Ali: though the offer is appreciated 💚 Ro: He's very much fine in that regard I'd been assured prior to my arrival and of course did my part to truly make it so by making him a late lunch or early dinner once I got there Ro: Regrettably, that offer was taken very much not in the manner it was intended Ro: The tally of my sins therefore apparently exceed the number of yours, in Drew's eyes at any rate Ali: Sounds like Drew Ali: you spoil him Ali: Caleb's mum made him work today, as he was too sick for school Ro: All I've spoilt is his afternoon seemingly Ro: Yet again, I'm a waste of time Ali: Hey Ali: don't take on his bad mood just 'cos he's mad he didn't get what he wanted Ali: you know it's bullshit Ro: None of his grievances are unfounded Ro: I shouldn't break promises Ro: Even if I did make them for less than ideal reasons Ali: No, but you know Ali: you have those reasons regardless Ro: And he has his own reasons to be upset Ali: Which you're clearly giving a fuck about Ali: so he owes you the same in return, yeah Ro: Of course, but his anger is fuelled by how much he does care, obviously Ro: It's because he likes me so much that he wants to take things further than they are Ali: Partly Ali: but I don't think anyone can say that that's all it is Ali: not to discredit how he feels in any way Ali: if anything, it takes into consideration all aspects Ro: He is the only one who can address that with any degree of clarity but its a conversation we're unlikely to have for a while Ali: I'm sure it won't be anything like that long Ro: That almost sounds as if you are in fact discrediting how he feels but I have no desire to get into a disagreement with you about the one I just had with him Ali: No, I'm saying he's nothing if not persistent Ali: trust me, he'll get over it if he has any sense Ro: It's less about the sense he possesses and more about the degree to which my own has abandoned me Ali: Do you regret the fact you didn't or regret the fact you were considering it? Ro: Both regrets somehow exist side by side and I have no idea how that can be Ro: Or which of the many internal voices vocalising my many mistakes I should begin to listen to Ali: Sounds about right Ali: are you in love with him? Ro: Yes Ali: Yeah Ali: it's Ali: the worst kind of headfuck Ali: amongst many other things Ro: What would you do in my place? Ali: About what Ali: specifically Ro: My next move Ro: He says I won't lose him but I know it's more likely than not Ro: Especially now that Carly has her own caravan to host in Ali: You shouldn't do it if that's the only reason why Ali: doing it because you're fearful of any outcome is just a bad idea Ali: it should always be primarily that you want to Ro: I do want to but I also don't want to Ro: It's complicated Ali: It is Ali: it might stop being complicated Ali: or you might do it before it does Ali: either of those is fine and valid Ro: What if it doesn't and I can't? Ali: You will Ali: if you want to, then you will Ali: I said it was the most important factor but definitely not the only, not even close Ali: it's complex but you know, like most things, stressing upon it will never make it less so Ro: I suppose Ali: It's like all this stuff isn't it Ali: thinking you'll never get your period and then it just happens Ali: we've all got our own pace for all of it Ro: And my pace is several steps behind always Ro: Maybe next time I should just go to the party Ali: Well his is coming up so Ali: you will be at that one Ro: Oh my god, don't remind me I haven't even begun brainstorming gifts yet Ali: 😂 Ali: you do have time Ali: but it might distract you from this worry so have at it Ro: You're so fortunate that Caleb's is ages away Ali: I know Ali: so much of me cannot hack that, I'd actually die Ro: After emerging from Carly's mostly unscathed, you could be forgiven for believing yourself immortal, I'm sure Ali: It was pretty hectic Ali: not sure if I'd say life-threateningly so but keep that between us Ali: could tell ma though Ali: keep her from hysteria Ro: I'll use that as my conversational opener when I come in if you'd like Ali: Subtle, cheers Ali: tell her there were no recreational drugs or pre-maritial relations too, whilst you're at it Ro: Carly would appreciate the lack of, I'm certain Ro: More so than Tess would my attempts at such a clearly crafted lie Ali: Can't win with her, like Ali: don't lead with that though Ali: even if that's a truth Ro: It's the kind of day I'm having Ro: I'll simply wish on everything possible that the losses extend to calories as well Ali: Don't waste the magic Ali: I know you skipped lunch Ro: You know because I told you I was busy running around after Drew Ali: Exactly Ro: Nonetheless, I've spent more time on this bus than anything else Ro: It's a pity I can't transfigure my bike here Ali: it seems like a good idea until it starts chucking it down halfway Ro: True, I'd be unlikely to garner any sympathy or permission for more time off from Tess even if I caught my death Ali: Seriously Ali: if she has to see any of us tomorrow at all, she might actually lose it completely Ali: what with Bea and Fraze being their delightful selves all weekend too Ali: the only ones not on the shit list rn are Tommy and Joe and that's only through absence Ro: Precisely Ro: Much like how the idea of finding birthday gifts for Drew is favorable after the nightmarish pursuit we all have to endure in order to provide something that Bea will undoubtedly dislike and return where possible Ali: 😂 s'why I kick it homemade Ali: good luck finding any takers for my sentimental tat, babe Ali: bless Ro: Alas the memory of my childish homemade cards finding their way to the recycling bin earlier than I feel necessary haunts me still Ro: Did Carly like what you made for her though? Ali: 😞 Ali: Yes, thankfully she's far more receptive and forthcoming with her thanks Ali: and the caravan looks amazing Ali: looked, I HOPE everyone kept out Ro: It would be difficult for her not to be, Bea, of course, is without competition in that regard Ro: I was impressed by the pictures despite being well aware of your artistic eye and resourcefulness in gathering materials Ro: Perhaps you should take and utilise all the magic yourself immediately Ro: Protection spells have been employed and succeeded for less Ali: True Ali: and a good idea to boot Ali: I better do it remotely Ali: aside from me leaving the house for anything but school and work rn being a deathwish, I'm not sure of the state I'd find the residents in, like Ro: Hm, yes arguably that is an even better idea Ali: Obviously, I do not plan to be her prisoner for long Ali: but for a great escape, I need even greater plans on the outside Ro: It would be my pleasure to extend such an offer, dear sister, but my own flight of fancy earlier did little else but backfire so it's best I stay under lock and key until I feel suitably chastised Ro: Either by Tess or myself Ali: Self-flagellation is next to godliness, of course Ali: I'll think of something Ro: I have no doubt that you will Ro: But whilst the subject of faltering has been raised, can I ask you something? Ali: of course Ali: scientia potentia est Ro: I was just wondering if you spent much time with Drew this weekend, that's all Ali: Not a huge amount Ali: but I saw him about, doing his thing Ali: if I saw anything like that I would've kicked his arse and told you Ali: in that exact order Ro: Okay Ro: Well, thank you Ali: Of course Ali: sisterhood before everything Ali: especially boys Ro: My favorite religion and the one to which I've been devoted to for the longest and most faithfully Ali: 💚 Ali: What's your ETA? Ro: 13 and a half minutes Ali: Ooh precise Ali: that'll please the jailer Ali: tell her 15 and you'll be back in the good books when you're arse is up the table without her even having to shout up the stairs Ali: 👍 Ro: I already told her 21 minutes so I have enough time to fix my face somewhere that isn't a very full bus Ro: She doesn't need to know that I've been crying Ali: 😕 Ali: Cold water fixes all Ali: we can talk about it properly after Ali: feels like forever Ro: It's not too late to pray for a summer storm Ro: Though it seems everyone misses me until they get the opportunity to spend time with me, so I might be wise to adjust my prayers accordingly actually Ali: Not everyone Ali: just him Ali: and just because he's mad Ali: we'll tea and talk, promise Ro: As long as you share too Ali: I gotcha Ali: you wanna hear all the fantastical and sordid exploits Ro: Fantastical yes, sordid not so much Ali: 😂 Ali: I'll do my best to spin the yarn into something comfortable and befitting Ali: don't worry Ro: Being guaranteed one less thing to overthink about will forever be appreciated Ali: That's my job Ali: one of Ali: labour of love, really Ro: tá mé i ngrá leat freisin Ali: 💚💚💚 Ali: right, I got a table to set Ali: not gonna know what's hit her Ali: Rock even agreed not to throw any spaghetti up the wall Ali: providing I buy him sweets for a week Ro: I'm in awe of your power whether or not she will be Ali: whether a six-year-old can stick to a deal is another thing Ali: did threaten him with a broken pinkie so 🤞 Ro: I'll likewise threaten him with the type of hex befitting a 6 year old promise breaker if needs be Ali: 💀🐸🐀🕯🥀💀 Ro: Our minds have always worked in similar ways, that's a truth which deserves to be universally acknowledged Ro: But for now, go Ro: There will be plenty of time for talking later

[goldenvindication]

si nequeo superos ; canon-compliant

characters: anise montfort; elise montfort; hadrian werley; brighid calhoun; morgaine selwyn; sairish hadad words: 2.1k warnings: parental death, mild internalized homophobia, annie being scary :o @pleasantprefects heartflower au

flectere si nequeo superos, acheronta movebo - if i cannot move heaven, i will raise hell.

aster - daintiness; trusting

They name her Anise because she is covered in flowers when she is born. Gabriel says her tiny, premature body reminds him of the Jardins de Luxembourg, in Paris, and Elise doesn’t say anything, so he signs the birth certificate with Anise Desdemona - named after the muggle heroine who gave up her life for love, and the flowers that he’d pick in the garden, before he met Elise, before his life changed. Gabriel thought it was for the worse, but seeing the baby girl in his wife’s arms, watching her hand curl around his pinky finger, his mind changes.

When Elise learns of the girl’s name, she scowls. She scowls because the girl’s name was to be Louise or Anna, after her maternal grandparents, but when Gabriel looks at his daughter, he sees only an Anise - an Anise covered in purple flowers stemming from her heart. Sometimes he’ll put his fingers on the petals and rub them between his thumb and forefinger, watching as she coos and giggles.

white lilac - youthful innocence; memories

One of Annie’s favorite memories is of being a muggle. She’s known about magic all her life, and yet it’s muggle Paris, at midnight, which she remembers the most fondly. She’s seven, and she shouldn’t be up - Gabriel knows that, and so does his mother, who chastises him when they get home.

But it’s Paris at midnight, and Papa takes her up to the Pont des Arts to see the Eiffel Tower in all its glory. She thinks it’s beautiful, and Papa holds her little hand as they walk across the bridge. She begs to go on the manege, with the horses, but it’s closed now. Papa puts Annie on his shoulders and she watches, eyes wide, as the tower lights up.

He smiles, and like magic (which she knows is real, but she also knows he doesn’t have), he produces a lock out of his pocket. He says, will you lock it with me, ma fleur?, and she giggles, nods, and he puts her down. She takes one look at the lock, and it turns bright blue, her favorite color, instead of the silver it was.

Gabriel’s shocked. He knew his wife could do that, but for some selfish reason, he hoped that Annie wouldn’t. He’d hoped that Annie would be a… what was it called, a squib, so that she wouldn’t have to be like that family. She had his name, she should have been like him, because if she was, he could have taken her away. He could have kept her here, with her grandmere and her cousins who were actually her age.

But Annie squeals with glee and touches the lock, trying to change it to a different color, but she could only do it once. Gabriel promises her that Mother will teach her soon, when she’s a little older, and her eyes brim with tears. She wanted to do magic like Julia and Isla! He quickly distracts her with the key to the lock, and they lock it together. And soon enough, where his hands are on top of hers, white lilac grows.

When they come back, Clementine Montfort is still awake, and she speaks harshly to Gabriel in rapid French, and still, Annie understands. But Grandmere takes one look at the lilacs on Annie’s hands, and she knows. She puts Annie to bed and shows her the blue tulips on her heart, and plucks one for Annie to keep under her pillow.

arborvitae - everlasting friendship

Annie is eleven and Roscoe has gone back to his dorm, and she is a Ravenclaw. Annie knew she’d be a Ravenclaw. There was no doubt in her, or her mother’s, or her grandmother’s mind, even though the Hat told her she’d do well in Slytherin. Annie disagreed. She is eleven and she wants to be different from her parents, but she misses her Papa and the double life she got to live in Paris the year before.

She’s eleven and alone, and she’d say hello to her roommates, but they don’t seem to like her too much. She’d talked and talked at the feast, and even the prefects had been annoyed at her. Annie finds herself a place in the little library, in a nook on the side. There’s someone across from her, but she ignores him as she takes a long look at her Potions book, but what the heck is a dittany? Annie furrows her brow and stares at the page for way too long, until she spots the tall boy with really big glasses across from her. He looks smart, smarter than her, but he also looks engrossed in… Alas, I’ve Transfigured my Feet? What? Annie bothers Werley until he relents to teaching her, then listens to Werley drone on out of the “kindness” of his heart. As she watches him, arborvitae leaves grow around her thin arms.

She doesn’t really understand why - once Grandmere had learned of her condition, she’d given Annie that weird French book on Victorian flower meanings, saying that it was genetic through Montfort girls -- but Annie wasn’t a Montfort.

Grandmother had told her that she was a Castellaine, and that she was only Montfort by name. “Nothing else,” Grandmother would say, as she inspected the blossoms on Annie’s hands. “You are nothing like your father or his kin. You are a Castellaine, like me, like your grandfather, like your mother before you. You are a witch - in everything but name.”

But from Grandmere’s book, her muggle book, Annie knows that arborvitae is a type of coniferous plant, and that it means everlasting friendship. If the flowers said so, it would have to be true. In that moment, Annie decides that Hadrian Werley (he’d tell her his first name later) would become her best friend. It didn’t matter if he had others.

linaria bipartita - please notice my feelings for you

Annie meets Brighid in her fourth year, and everything changes.

Brighid’s in her Arithmancy class, and Annie’s noticed her before, she has. She’s noticed dark brown hair falling down the girl’s back, she’s noticed thin wrists writing while Annie wasn’t, she’s heard her voice, but not much, she wasn’t outspoken - and she’s definitely noticed pursed pink lips when Annie was called on to answer a question that Brighid obviously knew the answer to.

But Annie’s not gay. She’s not. She likes Cahal a lot; he’s really nice, but she won’t let him kiss her. Kisses on the cheek are fine, but she doesn’t let him touch her more than that. She doesn’t know why he doesn’t protest. It might be because of the way he looks at Babineaux when he thinks Annie isn’t looking.

Brighid begins to tutor Annie in Arithmancy, and Annie notices more. She notices how passionate Brighid is about this godforsaken subject, and she doesn’t understand how. She notices how pretty her eyes are when that specific light from that specific window next to the table in the back hit them. And worst of all, she begins to think about how those pink lips would feel pressed against her own.

Linaria bipartita flowers grow up her ribcage. She tells Hadrian first.

marigold - pain and grief

October ninth was set up to be a normal day, but when Sairish Hadad comes frantically into the Ravenclaw common room, everyone can tell that something is wrong. She calls for Montfort, and just then, Annie comes downstairs in her school robes. It’s a normal day, and she fiddles with the pleats on her skirt. Professor Hadad meets Annie’s eyes, and gestures for her to come with her.

Annie is in trouble, she knows it. Her grades had dropped in DADA -- but Hadad looks scared and sad, not disappointed.

As Annie is lead to the tower, there is a cup of tea for her there. She’s sat down in front of Hadad’s desk, and spoken to very gently.

Those first moments don’t feel real. She stares at Hadad for a long, long moment, and then bursts into tears. Papa is dead, and she is here. She can’t go home - but it wasn’t as if she wanted to. Mother wouldn’t be sad, Grandmother might even be triumphant. It sickened her to think of it, but as she cried, Professor Hadad pulls her into a tight hug, but Annie can’t hear anything.

Grief is hard, Anise, she says. You’re a strong witch, she says, but Annie can’t feel a thing. She can’t feel a thing as she plucks each white lilac from her hands and fingers and watches as dark marigolds grow in their place.

blue tulip - respect; tranquility; trust

Annie meets Morgaine Selwyn the next month and then promptly tries to pull her wand on the woman. Hadrian stops Annie, but she’s furious. This woman must have killed her father, or knows who did, with all of the blood-supremacist bullshit she’s spewing.

But Superbia is kind and calm with her. She explains everything, she apologises, promises her that it everything will be worth it - as long as Annie is loyal.

The Vindication gives Annie place and a purpose. They say destroy her favorite professor’s tower, and she does. When she asks Superbia why, after, Superbia tells her that it was a test. They were making sure she was loyal; that she wouldn’t leave. She wouldn’t. Annie doesn’t question anymore. She never gives them a reason to distrust her loyalty after that.

Blue tulips grow behind her ear, up her temples, and she wears them like trophies.

honeysuckle - devoted affection; bonds of love

Annie kisses Brighid in the rain after the Halloween dance, and all seems right with the world. Brighid’s hand in hers is perfection, like the warmest blanket on a cold day, and she smells like the jasmine essence from the prefects’ bathroom.

Annie kisses her and kisses her, and she doesn’t let go until Brighid pulls away. She tells Annie that she isn’t sure about any of this, that she isn’t sure that she wants commitment right now. Annie says she isn’t sure either. That is a lie. Annie says kiss me until you are. That isn’t.

Honeysuckle blossoms grow up her ribcage. She’d pick them all for Brighid.

red dahlia - betrayal; dishonesty

They tell the Elder Futhark to kill Alis Murray after a tea party. Annie starts to doubt once again. She doesn’t mean to, they’ve done so much for her already, but she doesn’t understand. Annie doesn’t know how to kill anyone. She’s not powerful. She’s never used a killing curse or even a jinx for real.

Ira tells Annie she isn’t being creative enough. She tries again, but it’s too late before the four older kids have figured something out. Annie’s angry. They were supposed to do this as a team, she says, why don’t you want to be a team?

Davis hits a cursed bludger at Murray during a Quidditch match. She survives, and Annie wants to punch Gemma Watts. She wants to punch Gemma Watts right in her stupid, smug face, and tell her that she was wrong. Annie knows she was right, that they’d have to work together, but Annie also knows that Gemma Watts wouldn’t care.

They form a plan. They execute that plan practically flawlessly. Locke makes the potion. Davis puts the potion into chocolate. Annie gets Alis Murray to take her back to the classroom where Murray will die, from Professor Cavanagh giving her those chocolates. Murray gives Annie a music box to give to her Brighid, for Valentine’s Day, she says. Red dahlias grow up Annie’s spine.

Her Brighid kills Murray. Her beautiful, stoic Brighid kills a woman, and Hadrian does too. Then, after, they pretend to go ice-skating.

begonia - beware; a fanciful nature

They tell her to spread the ideals, so she does. She becomes powerful, leading a group of people at a tea party, telling them about the eradication of wizards without magic. She tells her proteges how much better the world would be if magic was not just given away.

She finds herself not wanting to be like her father anymore. She finds herself wanting to be pure, like her mother. She wishes she’d never been to France, and that her father hadn’t robbed her of her birthright. The marigolds stay.

And when she sees herself in the mirror, she can barely recognize the platinum-haired girl staring back at her, with begonias across her shoulders. Anise likes it better this way.

[hoenn-hakase]

TPP Flora Sky Summary Day 3

Bits of weirdness aside, yesterday had been pretty chill outside of our meeting Team Aqua, or at least a single grunt, who seemed very adamant about obtaining a PokeDex. Having returned that to Wally, we’re hanging out in Turzoro City for our next big gym match! Ah now, it’s a new day and a new grind! Because where we last saw our host, Hannah was doing some dedicated planning and training in preparing for her match against Wattson after changing out some teammates. I’m gonna miss Watchog and Comma but especially Bowza. RIP ;o;

We begin the day with Hannah going against Wattson for a purposeful blackout since the Voices were more intent on the PC than healing the team. She immediately goes back to challenge him for the first time with her new and improved team only to get DEMORALIZED by having him one-shot her first Pokemon (Ninjask) and when she switched in for Shedinja to spam some Double Team, he also switched in for an Emolga with Aerial Ace making both the attack and all her hard work on raising Nincada to Shedinja a total waste. At least… for this match. His flying rodent then goes on to basically DESTROY the rest of her team in a feat of fury. Egads! How did A.A. do this with only a weaksauce pair of Pokemon???

In shock at the loss, Hannah goes RIGHT BACK TO HIM with basically the same results. Okay, Voices…. What now? Well given their determination to get to the PC, that is exactly the first place they go. We immediately deposit Bitty the Ninjask and head for the desert to find us a Gound-Type. However, Hannah gets distracted by realizing that not too far from the desert is a whole new area she hasn’t discovered yet and heads over the ledge into Route P and eventually wanders her way into the ~mysterious~ Hippowdon Temple. 8O

There doesn’t actually seem to be anything to this place, but it does eventually dump her back into the desert of Route J where she finally catches her a Trapinch! Emerald Veterans are internally screaming and cracking up. Turns out the cave entrance was just a taste of what’s to come as she sees at the other end of this desert alcove is the REAL Hippowdon Temple! An ancient and massive looking structure of stonework sitting hidden away by the edges of the mountains and sandstorms that surround it. She goes inside to find the place eerily well lit for a potentially long since abandoned building and walks up to the altar which is lit by nearby torches and guarded by equally ancient statues that look down on her. Strangely, the offering in place seems to be… an escape rope? What’s so special about that? As soon as she picks it up though THE FLOOR DROPS OUT FROM UNDER HER AND CASTS HER INTO THE ABYSS! At least she managed to get the Escape Rope into her bag so it wasn’t a total waste XD

Waking up in the darkness, Hannah pulls out her lanturn to cast a small bubble of light. It sure would be nice to have Comma right now though… She checks her PokeNav to see that while there’s no signal to call anyone, the map app is still working. Despite the place having teleporters it seems she is most definitely still on Route J. Okay… time to go exploring then… She finds her way to a teleporter that warps her into another treasure room, and leery as she is after the last one, she goes up to investigate as it’s the only possible means to proceed. Sure enough! As soon as she picks up the Red Shard… Nothing happens! Cool! We spend quite a lot of time poking around on the PokeDex and Hannah zooms in on her map to find out that this temple isn’t even listed (spoopy D8 ) before heading back to the teleporter which… spits her out at the entrance. Okaaay???

Well since she got kicked out by the temple itself, Hannah decides she’s had enough adventure for one day and heads back to Route P for some serious Badger Hunting! 8D

After finally blacking out and going back to town, we head straight for the PC and while I could explain, I couldn’t do better than this XDD

Hannah is so disgusted with US, she runs and runs and runs and doesn’t stop running until she gets stopped by Gabby & Ty, NEWS NEWS NEWS folk extraordinaires! Ty brings up that Hanna looks like a really tough trainer and wonders if she’d be willing to show off for them with the camera rolling. …. Now really isn’t a good time, but y’know what? Sure. Beating up someone sure would make her feel better right about now! Despite having only Miss Tea and Aga (and an unconscious Penguin), the small team does pretty well in… Losing. Ah well, back at the Pokemon Center, we head up to the PC, casually grab Shedinja out of “timeout”, and head for the desert to restock our lack of Ground-types.

Okay, not that it’s important, but it’s pretty funny. There’s this hill in the Route J desert that requires the Mach Bike to get up to get on top of the cliffs that surround it. Last time we came across this thing, Hannah actually had a blackout trying to climb that hill and she’d tried to scale it every time she passed it to no avail before the Voices gave up and moved on or she passed out. We FINALLY got up there this time just to find an Ultra Ball as the only noticeable thing of interest. Worth it. XD

Now back to the desert, we continue with The Grind in preparation for the gym but we also catch a Gible! Tiny dragon named AAAAAAAAAT! Also we catch a Gligar named AAAAABBNNB. I think I shall call them… Ninat (9 As and a T?) and Abner less someone has an actual nickname that was used OR they do something to earn a name otherwise. ^ w ^

We head into the fields of Route L where we try to talk to the Azurill Gang, but alas. This isn’t Blazed Glazed, so Hannah has no idea what their beef is. At least she can still continue training her newest members in the nearby grass where we have Aga the Ralts become Aga the Kirlia! 8D

Unable to coordinate enough to heal, Hannah just goes to Wattson for a new black eye and heads out to The Grind once more.

Despite getting dark out, Hannah decides in all her desert wanderings to head BACK to the Hippowdon Temple to see how she and her new teammates will fare before getting kicked out again. Heading back to the Red Shard chamber, we find one of the memorialized Hippowdon to catch for ourselves before coming across a very angry mummy who decided she’d rather destroy herself by cursing Ninat than join our ranks. Smart move, Cofagrigus. Smart move. XD Seems there’s really nothing more to see here, so we head on back to town to heal and take our Grind to the mountains of Route P.

At long last WE CAN AFFORD THE SAFARI ZONE! There’s a lot to see around here, but most importantly, we find a fat man in a Rest House who tells Hannah that once she gets the Turzoro City Badge, he’ll give her a reward. Oooh reward! All the more motivation to kick Wattson’s butt now!

But not before he gives us a THROUGH butt kicking himself as Hannah decides she’s sick of training and plows her way bullheaded against him AT LEAST 8 times in a row. She takes a breather outside the Pokemon Center when she gets a call from Lao, the Ninja Boy from Dark Cave! In actuality he called to vent to her about getting bested by a Wingull, though I’m sure she was glad to do some venting of her own. After a few more attempts at Wattson (gaining the team quite a few levels actually) I wonder if she was actually trying to learn from him or still failing to destroy him. Either way, she did come close a few times and headed for the fields to the north of town for the big finish!

Miss Tea evolved into Linoone and learned Mud Sport! Ninat evolved into Gabite! 8O

I have lost track, but I believe we are up to ROUND 18 against Wattson, but this time we’re back to playing for keeps and not points. Putting Ninat in front, the match is on as our dragon OBLITERATES EVERYTHING WITH DRAGON RAGE! Oh, except Lanturn cause we ran out. XD But even then, it was the slow death of Ninat using Sand Tomb and Sand Attack while Wattson could do nothing but keep throwing potions at Lanturn to stall us out. And failing. The old man isn’t mad though and is actually pleasantly surprised as he bursts into laughter at just… SO MUCH HOW??? How did it take us this long to do that? How did he mess up so badly to get SWEPT after how good he’d been doing? At the very least, seeing Hannah’s tenacity and determination in finally besting him at his own game. We won the Dynamo Badge! \ O / We can now use Strength outside of battle! And we got TM34 Shock Wave! And Wattson’s number!~ Vohiyo …. Wait D8

Wattson says he swells with optimism to see a young trainer like Hannah as there’s hope for the future in these kids. Good luck, little one, it’s time to head north! Erm, after we go claim our prize from the Safari Zone that is. PAY UP, FAT MAN! WHAT IS IT~? It’s HM04 STRENGTH! \o/ We can now get through SEVERAL of the passages we’ve seen before including Dark Cave and Mt. Fullmoon! But since we’re here, let’s get to Badger Hunting!

Back in town we run into a woman who claims to be a master of making PokeBlocks and asks if Hannah would like to learn. Hannah just waved her off that she don’t really need any lessons. The woman warns her she shouldn’t try to do everything on her own though before sending us on our way.

We head out for Route K and slip into the caves that bear no name. It is right here at the entrance that perhaps Hannah was struck by a strange curiosity or maybe it just happened. Either way, she was told how the Dynamo Badge made her Pokemon faster, but what about her? After slipping through the cave entrance, she FOR SOME REASON ended up scaling the walls and walking the ceiling D8

Getting back to scaling the mountain path normally, Hannah makes her way through the pouring rain to come across the quaint little town of Habutest! Habutest Town may be small, but it’s got a lovely little outdoor Marketplace she had to look but not touch due to being flat broke. On the upside, one of the merchants tells her about how many of the folks around here love ~Secret Power~ and if she can prove she’s found out what that means, he’ll make a deal with her. … Intriguing. Definitely keep that in mind.

Healing up at the Pokemon Center, Hannah continues to explore when she comes across an old sailor who calls himself Mr. April. Mr. April is having a very big problem since it seems a great heap of debris has ended up in front of his house. He’s too old to be dealing with this, but perhaps if Hannah could use Strength AND Rock Smash she could clear it out? Certainly! It’s show time for Abner and Miss Tea as we display their destructive power and get to work! Mr. April is so stoked about her helping him, he wants to reward her! … But how? He doesn’t really have much to offer, but he does have a Lapras that could take her out to a snow covered island. Wouldn’t that be a wonder for her to see? 8D <3 Actually, while she should be careful of the strange old man who doesn’t speak good English, she’s far too curious about this mystical place, so she agrees!

Off we go, to the beach! To the Lapras! Speeding along Route M! Route N! And FINALLY we land on the icy shores of Searound City! He tells her to “find her pleasure at here” and decides to wait with his Pokemon while she goes exploring. See? No worries!

The main hub of Searound City seems to be nice though, paved streets filled with snowmen among the snowfall. She finds one building that seems to have some, uh…. Oh look it’s more people who look like that odd thug she fought for Wally’s PokeDex. She hasn’t checkpointed in town yet, and since her only means to get here was Mr. April, it’d be best not to risk a battle and get stranded. Hannah just as quietly heads back to the streets where she runs into a woman who invites her into her home for warmth and tells her a bit of a secret. That building Hannah just came out of? That’s the entrance to the Underground, a tunnel that connects to the island to Charpos City! Say… didn’t Wally say that’s where he’s originally from? What does Team Aqua have against this kid??? Suspicions and protectiveness rising, Hannah feels something rising up in her again. Envy thanks the woman for the information and heads back out into the snow…

Envy stealthily sneaks into a few other places to see about getting information on the situation as to why the Underground is being closed off by these goons and eventually finds the Pokemon Center. Great! But before going back for those Aqua Grunts just yet, we head to the Gym to perhaps warn the Gym Leader of what’s going on. (Or maybe he just wants to kick Leader’s butt for not doing anything. Or for teh lulls. There’s no telling with this host. XD ) No surprise, the gym happens to be Ice themed, complete with the slick floor, large icy pillars, and a general frosty haze that hangs over the place. What IS surprising though, is the place seems to be surprisingly…. Empty.

Envy makes it through the sliding puzzle though to find a back door to the place that leads into yet another puzzle. Cool gimmick but shouldn’t there be someone guarding the place? Trainers? The Gym Guide? Someone? HELLOO...o…? We make our way deeper into the freezer when we start to find a series of ladders in this increasingly surreal building when suddenly A TRAINER! Envy really has no issue with the girl, but it seems we’ve found the REAL challenge to this place! Just about the time the Gym Leader is in sight ah….oops?

Hannah manages to shake it off though and storms up to Pryce (gee, who saw that coming? kappa ) who says that he doesn’t want to hear WHY she is here. Let their swords Pokemon do the talking! …. Blackout.

Well we learned a few things. 1) You’re a bit of a jerk in this game, aren’t ya, buddy? XD 2) NO FAIR, OLD MAN, WE WEREN’T READY! >O 3) Curious if he knew or had anything to do with the blip we suffered just before meeting him. Let’s try this again!

Making our way back to Pryce, Penguin the Prinplup seems to share in Hannah’s fury as he tears down the first two Pokemon with Metal Claw before being whittled down through team effort. In comes the Shedinja who, despite not getting to show very well in the last gym, goes on to (slowly) wreck the remaining team members with Fury Swipes and Wonder Guarding everything! We won the Icy Badge which lets us use Cut outside of battle! Eat it, old man! >O Pryce admits his luck seems to have run out when faced with such a trainer like Hannah and gives her TM49 Iceberg! With that display of ferocity he says surely she’ll become the Chapion. … Whatever that is.

Does it mean “Ninja Master of Butt Whoop”? Because that is exactly what Hannah is going to continue to do. With Pryce being NO HELP AT ALL, she follows her senses (or Us really) straight to the Oceanic Museum where Team Aqua is everywhere and in need of some pants kicking. Hannah carefully manages to avoid fighting anyone though as she makes her way to the upper level where she finds a woman looking only slightly different from the other Team Aqua members. Shelly musing to herself how after stealing these blueprints to the Submarine Explorer, Team Aqua will be able to reach Kyogre! Hannah may not know what that means, but NINJA SNEAK ATTACK!

Shelly is shocked to have someone come in on her like this and receives help as a pair of Aqua Grunts bursts in on the scene to attack Hannah instead! Miss Tea quickly comes to Hannah’s defense against the first man, but the team struggles to get passed the next! Just when she could get some air, Shelly herself decides to attack and has her Sharpedo rip into Aga leaving only Ninat left! RELEASE. DRAGON. FURY! (Not gonna lie, that actually had me worried) Shelly is again in shock to find herself defeated and Hannah practically dancing with Ninat for his saving them. But celebrations are all too soon as even MORE Team Aqua members show up, this time with a man in all black and a gold chain. Clearly the leader of these vagrants, which he fully admits in introducing himself as Archie, head of Team Aqua. He doesn’t feel like fighting a mere child and explains to her that Team Aqua are sea loving people. She’s clearly not with Team Magma, so why does she want to go picking fights with them? All life needs water, all water returns to the sea. And by working to expand the seas, surely Hannah must see they are part of a noble endeavor! …….. ….. ….. …. … Bah, maybe she’s too young to understand. All the more reason not to fight her. Seriously, fellow Aqua, she’s a CHILD. However, he does warn her that this is no game they’re playing. If she should come after them again, there will be actual consequences. Shelly can argue with him all she wants on the way home about how this girl is a serious threat, and no child to be taken lightly, but for now they all just disappear. Leaving Hannah all the more confused, angry, scared, and determined that whatever it is they’re planning, it can’t be good.

We go to heal up and restock our Poke Balls (and buy the whole team cake or something, that was way too close for comfort) before heading to the Underground to continue onward. After doing a bit of jump exercises on the couches, Hannah gets jumped but Ninja Boy Jaiden who, I assume mistook her for an Aqua due to her all blue outfit and bandana. XD The other trainers of the Underground at least seem friendly in the usual sense of attacking as is custom of two trainers meeting. The Underground is a bit of a maze, but we manage to get through all the trainers in sight, including the ones guarding HM01 Air Cutter and at last enter Charpos Island! 8O … That we can’t actually enter due to the entrance / exit to the Underground being so overgrown, it needs Cut to escape. Dang, Aqua, how long were you barricading the place???

Surely we missed something though, and Hanna heads on back into the Underground to fight more trainers, find more dropped items, and talk to an old man who can’t get enough of the gorgeous weather outside. Hannah could just about slap herself to realize that Air Cutter is the same as Cut in this region. For all her exploring, seems Flora still has a lot to learn about…

Charpos City is a gorgeous, yet tropical island that seems such a far cry from Snowround it’s hard to believe they’re so close together. We head on into the first large gaudy building in sight and discover the Pokemon Fan Club where the Chairman explains to Hannah about the wonders of the Contest scene! Eh, maybe someday, but for now she’s just gonna stock up on Poke Balls and heal. As we get to exploring the rest of the town, Hannah also stumbles across Wally’s house and gets to meet his parents. Wally isn’t home at the moment, but it’s still nice to always meet some of his friends considering, due to his sickly nature, he doesn’t have many. But, his dad says, the boy sure has been doing a lot better since they moved to this beautiful place. We also find the Bike Shop 2 where the questionably mobster the shop owner points out that if Hannah already has the Mach Bike, then he’ll just take that off her hands and give her an Acro Bike. Sound good? Uh… Sure!

We end the day off by aimlessly wandering the place and just taking in the sights. The cliffs looking out to sea, running in the waves, raiding the fridge of EVERY house we enter, and of course playing with the settings on the outdoor PC with the clock and lottery segments. Is all good and calm and relaxing after the LOOOONG day our Host has had. <3

[felicityb-reviews]

Review Roundup - Week 1 January 2018

Hello babies!! Welcome to your debut Review Roundup for Week 1 of January 2018!!! I'm really excited to launch this series, because while I do love doing reviews, sometimes the only thing I can say about a song is "I like it, it was good". I also wanted a place I could spotlight releases from less popular acts (or even less conspicuous releases, sometimes) who don't exactly have 2309342 million fandom pages. This is a great way to combine that, I guess.

Before we begin, some ~rules~

For a song to eligible, it has to have an official video. Even if it's basically some shit an intern made in Final Cut Pro in five seconds, before uploading it. I just need to know that it's an ~official~ release.

No OSTs!! 90% of them are dry ass ballads, and I do not have the time, sis!! No OSTs!! /Edna Mode voice

And on that note, I might choose to skip a certain release, because I have nothing to say about it. Or nothing nice that isn't constructive criticism.

Yes, each video has a Rating™. Do not get hung up on said Rating, cause it's basically meaningless; it's just an arbitrary number based on how much I liked the particle song, mixed with how well I thought the song was written.

Just like with my Feature Spotlights, the blurbs here are just my opinion, sis. Please do not get hung up on what some gay bitch on the Internet has to say about your fave. I'm hella arrogant, but my words are not of God.

So now that we got that out of the way (Even though I'm 90% sure some bitch is gonna try my ass), our list begins with...

Grown Up (Soyou)

Grown Up is pretty standard fare for a Starship ballad. The company has always submerged themselves in RnB and Gospel sensibilities, and it shows here. Miss Soyou takes us to church with Grown Up. A very nice song which I appreciate, but will probably not listen to much, unless I'm in a Ballad Bitch™ mood.

Rating - 3.5/5

TRCNG - Wolf Baby

"Ooh bitch... You mighta just did something there"

That was my first reaction to Wolf Baby, fam. I was ready and willing to write the song off, because the teaser did not show it off in the best light (it sounded like a demo of Hyosung's Into You, according to a friend) and the visual was more of the boys showing off their dance skill. Which is never a bad thing... Except when it's literally the same shit we've seen 20 million times from similar boy bands. But Wolf Baby delivers in full. Unlike the God awful Spectrum which takes after B.A.P in the worst of ways, Wolf Baby sounds and feels more like a Secret song (which sounds a lot better than you think it would). Wolf Baby shows that these boys have personality that can translate to the music, and Lord knows we need more of that in K-pop boy bands. I'm so tired of being charmed by these boys in variety, but utterly bored by their music.

Rating - 4/5

Think about (Seo Ji An featuring KLANG)

Lissen... Whoever wrote this song needs to give me a refund. That intro had me thinking this was gonna a bombastic radio ballad. Like, they were about to hit me with that Ryan Tedder throwback shit. But instead, all I got was soft falsetto and a limp piano line.

Talk about a boner killer, sis.

But once I got over myself (and the song started to pick up), I realized that it was actually pretty nice. Nothing I'd put into heavy rotation, but this would be good shuffle bait.

(Sidenote - if anyone can find me anything on the female vocalist, KLANG, I will give you a hug and a cookie, because I really liked her voice)

Rating - 3/5

XOXO (Soyeon of LABOUM x Park Jae Jung)

We're getting a jump start on the Springtime love duets, I see. I can't say I'm entirely mad, tho. XOXO, like Seo Ji An's Think about, falls within a category of songs I like to call shuffle bait. They're not terrible songs, but they're also not ones I feel obligated to put on heavy rotation. They're good for those days when you don't know what you wanna listen to or need some soft background sounds, so you put your music on shuffle. Not a category one should aspire to be in, but not one to be mad at for falling into, either.

I'm very happy that Global H made this a duet, cause Soyeon's overly bright tone could have tired out the ears very easily if she had to sing this by herself. And not only that, but Park Jae Jung provides a nice foil to Soyeon's voice with his smooth tone. All in all, a very nice song.

Rating - 3.5/5

Honey Tea (OOHYO)

Miss OOHYO is givin us a little Bassa Nova in her Honey Tea, you guise!!

Honey Tea is another shuffle bait song that almost makes it in the Heavy Rotation camp with it's interesting choice of instrumental interludes; but alas, she doesn't quite make the cut. There's something about the production here that doesn't quite mesh right; the song elements don't meld into one another like they should, especially with such ~agreeable~ (for lack of a better word) elements as these. This song is really nice for what it is (the melancholic atmosphere nice for those days when you just wanna brood like an angsty teenager), but I needed just a little bit more.

Rating - 2.5/5

Like Paradise (Kriesha Chu)

Something tells me that Future Bass is going to be everywhere in Kpop this year like Tropical House was last year, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, you have Svt's Don't Wanna Cry and LONG:D x Kim Doyeon's All Night that are masterfully made songs. But then you have BTS's Best of Me and Kriesha Chu's Like Paradise, both of which are so fucking beige it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. And it's really sad because, unlike Best of Me, Like Paradise starts out with a great verse. But then the prechorus goes right into generic territory with a chorus that's so anybody, it's almost frightening.

Kriesha Chu exploded onto the scene with a familiar formula in Trouble, but she did enough to make it her bitch, so idk what happened here. A friend mentioned that she feels as though she's heard this melody fifteen times, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has. This song isn't bad, but it don't got no soul. Which is a shame, because Miss Kriesha Chu has plenty to go around.

Rating - 2/5

Blah (Planetarium Case #1)

Now this is a song that took me by surprise. I was not expecting that Tropical style beat to kick in when the verse started, but I mean... Y'all know how I am with anything and everything Tropical inspired. And then they had the nerve to combine that heaux with RnB style instrumation?!?!!

Bitch...

I wanna be mad at how much I like this song. I really do. I wanna care about how the vocalist's voice is a touch too bright and whiny for that kind of vocal processing (it's faint, but it's there). I wanna feel some type of way about how that kind of vocal processing isn't really suited to this type of song. I would like to have some kind of critique here, but everything just slots together in a way that I can ignore the little things I don't care for.

Sis, idk how these underground labels know me well enough to make such targeted attacks against me like this, but I'm not mad. In fact, I'm very okay with that if I get to walk away with songs like Blah. Can we get more of this, instead of Future Bass or whatever other kooky trends are gonna rule K-pop this year?!?!!

Rating - 4/5

Foresight Dream (Younha)

Hello, Miss Younha!! It's nice to see you giving us something other than classical ballads like some kind of Baek JiYoung knockoff.

...was that mean?!?!!? Okay yeah, that was mean. Oh whatever, it isn't like other people weren't thinking it.

Copious amounts of shade aside, I'm been very here for what Younha has been doing, musically, since Get It. She's swapped out the ballads for a more RnB/Pop sound that's very in line with what the K-RnB World has been doing lately, and I couldn't be happier. Foresight Dream is a dreamy piano driven song that's a bit too downtempo in groove to qualify as an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo, but still has enough drive to feel like it's actually going somewhere. And Younha's voice sounds amazing. She's got a voice very similar to Alice from HV's, but Younha has more depth to her tone. All in all, a very magical experience.

One critique I have (and it's not even of the music) is that I'd have liked if Younha had released Foresight Dream before the GroovyRoom produced Parade. With the way Parade followed the ph-1 assisted Hello, I had assumed that she was done releasing songs. But with Foresight Dream coming after those two, it kind feels like it dampens her momentum. Idk, I'm just being a picky bitch.

Rating - 4/5

wewantourmoneyback (Giriboy)

*sigh*

This nigga talmbout how he want his money back, but I want my fucking time back from listening to this hot mess.

Okay, let me roll back the shade for a second. This song really isn't that bad. I've heard F A R worse from the likes Jay Park, Zico, and Dok2. But dude, this is a touch too fucking generic for a winter release. You couldn't have saved this for summer?!?!? When niggas is actually trynna shake they ass to generic trap beats?!?!

To be honestly, I'm tired of hearing these kinds of songs in K-HipHop. Especially from dudes who have tones like Giriboy. Their voices are whiny as fuck all, and these kinds of beats usually have a lot of higher tones in the mix (for those who are too bougie to listen to trap, producers typically use high, tinny synths as the main instrument in trap beats), so it's just a headache in the making. It's already hard enough to make a trap song without it sounding too repetitive, but these fools have truly tired me out with this genre. I can't even think of something to say about this song, cause it's just so generic.

Rating - 1/5

Paint Me (Mamamoo)

I'm sorry... MamaWHOMST?!?!?!!

Jokes aside, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this song. Mamamoo is a group that I once loved, but all that went sour when they decided to do blackface in concert (and then post a BTS video of getting into costume for said stage a week after posting an apology). And if I'm being honest here, their only good songs are You're The Best and Piano Man. I stanned for their other tracks for the culture; I liked what they did with the songs live. I didn't really listen to them, but tis the life of a K-Pop stan.

In retrospect, it's quite interesting how Mamawhomst Mamamoo haven't promoted a big power ballad like Paint Me before. The instrumentation is basic as all fuck, but it allows emphasis to be put on their vocals. Which are half the reason Mamawhomst Mamamoo survived Nugudom, in the first place. But as great as their voices are in this song, it just doesn't go anywhere. It throws you from one extreme to the other, and then ends. It's hella polarizing, and not something I really wanna put myself through with repeated listens.

Rating - 2.5/5

A Day I Want To Love (HEYDAY featuring Lim Eun Young)

A Day I Want To Love is a very typical classical ballad, and while that usually has me running for the hills, I decided to give it a chance. And I mean, this isn't a song that I'd put into Heavy Rotation, but it'd fit in very nicely with all the songs I download to use as shuffle bait. I'd also quite like to hear this sung live. Idk, I just feel like it'd come off better that way.

Rating - 3/5

OGZ (Jo Woochan x Park Hyunjin x Achillo)

I don't understand this song.

That's not to say that it's bad. The beat reminds me of wewantourmoneyback, but GroovyRoom decided to make a more interesting remix of it. And the boys all hand in amazing verses. But idk, yo. This song just feels weird as all fuck.

Rating - 4/5

Missing You (VOISPER)

How fitting that this is the song that closes out the main list week. Missing You is another lowtempo shuffle bait track (the mood for this week, apparently), but this time around, we get some horns in the mix. Which I greatly appreciate, because without them, this song would have been extremely boring. VOISPER have nice voices, but their technique is kind of sloppy. And I don't usually sweat shit like that, but it's really noticeable here.

Rating - 3/5

The Fabulous Five

So... You've made it to the end of the post (thank you, btw), and are now wondering what in the actual fuck a Fabulous Five are. Well, it's simply a fancy title (because your bitch is hella dramatic) for my favorite songs of the week. In fact, if you payed any mind to the (badly made) gifs at the top of the post, you'd notice they're from the following videos. Anyway, there's no real metric for what goes here, just songs that I stan a lot.

5. Lower (f(Amber+Luna))

MY WIG!!

MY QUEENS!!

M Y W I G!!

Lower is God tier, sis. I've read a few people's reviews of the song, and the one thread of commonality between them all is that Lower is generic and not worthy of the f(x) brand. And while I'm not gonna sit here and act like Lower isn't something I'd expect to hear at a European gay club (or any gay club for that matter), I really like what Amber and Luna did with this song.

I also think that Lower should be considered a performance piece above all. I view EXO's Monster this way - I don't care for the song by itself, but I'm hype as fuck when there's an accompanying visual. Amber and Luna could have made this beat their bitch (Luna certainly has the vocal chops for it, and Amber could have done ha thing with a lil rappy rap), but the main focus of the song is the breakdown. And they dance for their fucking lives to said breakdown.

I can't tell you if I'd have liked this song so much from another duo in K-Pop or if I'd have liked it if it didn't come with a video, but the reality is that like it.

Me Likey Likey a lot!!

I'm really hoping that SM sees how well of a unit these two make, and decides to debut them, officially. Cause God only knows we aren't getting any new material from f(x) anytime soon. Victoria is too busy livin ha best life in China, and Krystal is too busy looking fed up for no reason with Jessica, whilst people throw money at BLANC & ECLARE.

Rating - 3/5

4. Hot Potato (N.FLYING)

Before I start in on my review of this song, I just wanna ask what the fuck is up with idol bands being filled with beautiful ass humans?!?! Like?!?!?! Anytime I watch anything with Day6, I can't help but wanna cry at how hot they are. And watching N.FLYING's Music Core comeback stages, I got the same feeling. I could barely pay attention to the songs. Am I really just that thirsty?!?!?

Nobody fucking answer that, I know I'm thirsty heaux. I don't need you shady bitches dragging me for it.

Existential crisis aside, Hot Potato is a banger. I'm really hoping 2018 is the year idol bands start thriving, because I need more songs like these in my life. The verses are pure octane fun, while the choruses are power pop crack. I dare one of you to tell me you wouldn't sing along to that chorus if you knew Korean. I fuckin D A R E you!! And whoever's idea it was to add Yoo Hweseung from Produce 101, I wanna kiss you silly. His chemistry with Lee Seunghyub is ridiculous!! And in addition to that, an added vocalist allows them added flexibility with with N.Flying's rap/sing vocal style. I'm just so happy with this song, especially with how little love I had for The Real. It's great, sis.

Rating - 5/5

3. Her (Drug Restaurant)

Raise your hand if you had no idea that Jung Joon Young's band changed their name to Drug Resturaunt!?!?!?

...

Oh that was just me, not paying attention to anything?!?! Okay...

The first time I heard Her, I was immediately mesmerized by that opening chord progression. Some part of my musically trained brain knows how overused that progression is, but the rest of me is too busy blissing out to it to care (to be fair, most chord progressions in popular music are overused, because there's only so many that actually sound good to our ears). Her is no one trick pony, tho; she may come back to the oddly dissonant and melancholic texture of the intro now and again, but she always makes sure to give you something new with it.

The rest of the song is pretty great, too. Jung Joon Young has a very smooth texture to his baritone, very similar to BTS's Kim Taehyung (and if y'all know anything about my gay ass, y'all know I'm a H E A U X for baritones), and it's a great contrast to the grit of the instrumental.

Her is a very nice intro (err... reintrduction) to a great band. I keep telling myself I'll get back into rock like I was in middle school (the only good thing about being a weeb is J-rock and VISUAL KEI, I will fight you if you say otherwise), and it looks like God decided to help a girl out.

Rating - 4.5/5

2. Twenty Something (Alice featuring Yooyoung of HELLOVENUS)

Hello?!?!? Fantagio?!?!?! Starship Entertainment called; they want their Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo back.

Yes, I realize I'm not that funny, but it's not gonna stop me from cracking jokes

So... If you don't know what an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo is, it's basically the RnB version of an acoustic midtempo ballad (hence the acoustic coffee shop bit). They're usually not acoustic at all, but they still have the same feeling as an acoustic ballad, if that makes sense.

And can I make a bold statement here?!?!!? Fantagio just declared a turf war against Starship with this song. Yes babies, it's that fucking good. Starship is usually my go to for Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos, but it looks like Fantagio wants to throw their hat in the ring for consideration.

Alice has the right amount of grit to her voice to really hook you in, but a decent amount of brightness to help uplift the track. And Yooyoung's rap is just... Oh my God, it's so good!! I wanted it to be longer, sis. A++ content!!! She provides a nice texture change that makes Alice's voice pop when she takes over the track again. And the instrumentation just makes my brain happy tingle. God, I'm just so in love with this song!!

My only complaint is about that flat ass, limp ass, needs to be put out of it's misery ass high shriek Alice does over the final chorus. Guys, I am so tired of my ears being accosted by these singers trying to belt. Most of K-Pop's vocalists are sopranos with bright ass tones and absolutely no power behind their voices. This obsession with high belted notes at the end of songs is just so weird, and if y'all are gonna continue to do it, I need y'all to integrate that shit into the song better. Don't just have a vocalist do their best "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME" shriek. It's so irritating!!

And apparently, this is the first of a monthly song single campaign Fantagio is doing for 2018?!?!!? Someone at that company wants me to die, sis. First, they inflict Ong Seungwoo and Park Jinwoo on my ass, and now this.

Rating - 4.5/5

1. Bboom Boom (MOMOLAND)

First of all, can we give S. Tiger a round of applause for throwing it back to EXID's Nyam Nyam Jeop Jeop?!?!?!? That is a top five favorite b side of mines, so the second I heard the guitar in the teaser, I fucking Knew™ my edges were about to get snatched right off my face.

Secondly, Queen JooE is outchea livin ha best life, and I'm just so here for it. People love to talk shit about girl groups cause they only do cutesy and sexy concepts (nevermind the fact that boy bands do the same shit, but I guess y'all not trynna hear that), but anytime girl groups give you something different, y'all not trynna stan. So, I'm so fucking here for JooE serving you basics Unapologetic Joy™ in the New Year.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus!!

For those of you who can't tell (although it's position in the Fab Five should've tipped you off), I fucking love Bboom Bboom. I was ready for Bboom Bboom the second the teasers started rolling in, and my excitement hit an all time peak with the Great! highlight medley showing that the entire mini was Banger Central™. My only complaint about the song is that the transition from the trap beat to the regular beat in the second verse was so throwed together and clunky. Did y'all run out of time to really integrate that right, cause?!?!?!?! I love that section, but that it could have been handled way better.

Still my favorite song of the week.

Rating - 4.5/5

And that's that, folks!! Tune in next week at 6pm EST to see my round up of this week's new releases. And don't forget about Friday's Feature Splotlight at 6pm EST!! There's been a little (Okay, it's a pretty big ) change to the schedule. Wanna know what it is?!?!?! Be sure to check it out!!!

[reactingkpop]

Astro’s Reaction To: Them Having A Crush On Their Best Friend!

first, i love your blog so much!! second, can you do an astro reaction where they have a crush on their best friend. like her boyfriend has always been a douchebag but she have stayed by his side, even tho they told her to break up with him, and then her boyfriend cheats on her. like how would they react, would they comfort her or become angry or like confess her?? sorry my bad english ^^

Comin’ right up!! And your English is amazing~

There’s a little bit of angst in the backstory, but the reaction ends fluffy! I might’ve gone overboard with the backstory, or all of it, so I totally understand if you just skip to the reactions~

                                                     Backstory:

This was the fifth time this week. The screaming. The fighting. There was nothing you could have done, but you blamed yourself for your shitty relationship. 

No matter how much he urged you to leave him, you couldn’t. Despite clearly recognizing how toxic this relationship was, you clung onto him as if he were your world. It wasn’t until last night when you realized that your best friend was right all along... 

It was a simple phone call goodnight gone wrong. You called and called, but like usually he never picked up. Finally after the tenth try he picked up. 

“What?!” The sudden shout startled you for sure, but you kept your composure.

“I-I was just calling to say goodnight. Like we usually do, right?” Slowly, but surely, your calm facade started to crack. Was this a bad time? Is it too late to call right now?

“What the hell are you talking about. What part of ‘don’t call me’ did you fucking miss? Are you really that desperate?” He hissed out in frustration.

That was it. Your body slowly sank against the wall in defeat... 

How the hell am I supposed to respond to this. Cry? Scream at Them? All of the above sounded good at the time. 

“You know what...”

“What now?” You could almost hear the disinterest in his voice like never before.

“Go fuck yourself! I don’t even know why I wasted my time with a shithead like you. Have fun with that bitch that you’re with too.”

 It used to be an assumption, but to your painful surprise you were right.  You angrily ended the call and chucked your phone onto the couch. 

You didn’t cry just yet. It wasn’t until you received another call; This time it was your best friend. You had known each other before his debut days and cherished the great memories you two shared. You genuinely missed him so you gladly accepted his call. 

“Oh my god, you actually answered.”, his answers with a voice full of relief.

“Ha, of course I would answer! Look, I know this is really sudden, but are you guys home right now?” You tried to hide your shaky voice, but to no avail he could hear that something was wrong.

“Yeah, do you want come over?”, you could hear the hint of worry in his voice, “Is everything okay over there?”

There was a long pause...Should I tell him?

                                                          “ No...”

“Yeah! Sorry, today was just stressful. I’ll be over there in 10 minutes!” Before he could question you further you ended the call. 

During that entire call you fought the hot tears that were now spilling down your cheeks. A flush of nerves with a sense of shame overwhelmed you. You weren’t the type to cry in front of people. You weren’t the type to get caught up on any guy.

“So why couldn’t you let go of him?”, you could hear him say softly, “Why can’t you let go of me?”

“Because I’ve actually liked you this whole damn time...” It barely comes out as a whisper, but yes you did say that out loud. 

With a heavy sigh you pick yourself up and dry your damp cheeks. 

You quickly leave the house again and head straight to their dorm. A million thoughts pass by on the calm walk... 

Could he sense that I just had a shitty day? Oh god my eyes are all puffy from crying aren’t they? Is my hair alright?

Your nerves hummed even louder through your body as you approached the front door. You can do this (y/n)...Mama didn’t raise no bitch! With a deep sigh you rang the doorbell.

Not long after you hear the pitter-patter of feet running to the door in curiosity. The door wiggles as it’s unlocked and it reveals your half asleep best friend. 

“Hey, come on in.” He gives you a warm smile and a helping hand...

                                                    How they react:

JinJin:

He could automatically tell that you’ve been crying. He wouldn’t tell you upfront, but you best believe he would hand you your favorite ice cream flavor and stay up talking to you all night long. Once you to tell him what happened though, pissed would be an understatement. He’d want to punch your douche-bag ex in the face for doing this to you, but he’d calm himself down for you. 

He wouldn’t let go of you for the rest of the night. Granted his feelings for you may show by how much he cared for you, but the chances of him confessing depend on how good you are with picking up ques like this. 

He wouldn’t be the type to outright admit his feelings, but boy if you caught the way he looks at you. 

MJ:

He’d try to stay as his usual happy virus attitude, but you best believe he’s concerned for how you’re doing. He’d pull out blankets and would make you a cup hot cocoa or tea. Whichever works better for spilling the details... After you told him what went down he’d be livid. I feel as if he may even confess that he should’ve asked you out before that jerk did. AND BOY ONCE YOU HEARD THAT! 

“Do I screech in shock or happiness?” 

He’d be a flustered mess afterwards, but he’d admit that he liked you before that douche-bag ever even laid eyes on you. You’d honestly be freaking out on the inside, but you’d quickly accept his confession. 

A new type of relationship would form because of his tongue slip.

Eunwoo:

Would welcome you in with a warm smile and a quick hug. He’d immediately ask what happened since he could hear your voice break while on the phone. If you were comfortable enough to tell him, he’d be mad just like the rest of his members would be, but he wouldn’t show it. Instead he’d crushed that he didn’t prevent this from happening. He may even tell you the truth as to what he wanted to do two weeks before that asshat came into your life. He wanted to confess. Should he confess now? Maybe in a week when she’s all better?? But what you said next changed his mind all together. 

“I’m glad I came over. You make all of my problems vanish in time” The way your face showed genuine happiness and comfort made his heart melt a bit ngl.

 “ Y/N I think I fell in love with you...” And of course your response on the inside was “ME TOO??”, but alas your body language showed nothing but shock. 

You were quick to recover though, and you immediately accepted his confession with sheer happiness. 

Rocky:

He was already pissed after hearing you like that over the phone. Like who tf made you cry? I swear to god someone is gonna die tonight if I find out?? As soon as he invites you in he’d bear hug you, because wow he hasn’t seen you in so long but you look so distraught!! He’d also be the type to immediately ask what happened and hand you a warm drink to calm your nerves. Once you told him it was that assoholic bitch he’d probably get a lil peeved. Solely because he could’ve prevented that, but he was literally just a second too late. 

Rocky would either respond to you right then and there, or he’d comfort you to the best of ability. He’d want to tell you that he’s loved you for years now, but he’s afraid you wouldn’t return that love back. Unless you told him out right that you liked him or something along the lines of “I’m glad that I met a guy like you..”, he most likely won’t make a move. 

It’s in your hands if you confess or drop a hint reader~

Moonbin:

Would be flipping shit over how it sounded like you were crying. Like is she upset? Who made her cry! Would grab your hand and comfort you immediately. He’d take care of your crying first. He’d sit you both down onto the couch and would wrap a warm,fuzzy blanket around the both of you. After it seemed as if you calmed down, he’d ask you what exactly happened. He’d be royally pissed, but he’d keep his calm just for you! 

“God, why did I let you go out with that jerk...” 

“Binnie it’s not your fault.” 

“No, you see it is because I should’ve just told you that I like you!” 

“........I’m sorry what?!” 

He’d panic a bit that he told you, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell you? He’d simply nod his head at his confession and would brace for himself for the worst. 

“I like you too, idiot.” He’d let a out a small sigh of relief and would hug you close. “Oh thank gods! I though you were going to hate me now...” 

You could never hate him though. He was your best friend after all....

Sanha:

He’d try to take your mind off of it first. Distractions would include you’re favorite movie, playing video games, or taking dumb quizzes. After a while you’d both get sleepy and he’d invite you to stay the night. You kindly take the offer and he sets out on finding a good sleeping shirt and some sweatpants. You both quickly change and brush your teeth, but before you could shut the light off he lets out a small laugh.

 “What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, you just look really cute in my clothes. They’re so baggy on you!” 

You stick your tongue out at him in hopes to hide your blush and switch the lights off. Carefully, you make your way over to his bed and he scoots to make sure that you have room. As Sanha scours the internet for new memes and funny videos to show you, you slowly start to drift asleep and held tightly onto his arm. He’d be freaking out over the amount of contact happening, and couldn’t help but to stare at your sleeping figure. He’d calmly brush a strand of hair behind your and softly confesses. 

“I’ve totally fallen for you, but too bad my best friend is literally oblivious!” 

At this statement you quickly open your eyes and sit up. “Is that..true?” 

He’d be screaming internally the whole time. Like yes you idiot I have for a really long time, but gah! 

All he could manage was a meek response of yes. You plop your head back down onto your pillow and faced him with a large smile. “Good...I like you too.” 

Sanha would also be the type to accidentally confess ngl.

Thank you for the wonderful request friend~

I’m hella sorry that I made this so damn long, but my writer’s block cleared up and I just fucking ran with this... 

Our requests are still open! We write for Astro, Seventeen, BTS, NCT, EXO and many more groups~

- Admin Ryn

[mypoorfaves]

Feeling Unwell

So this is a somewhat follow-up to Semi-conscious Sonder where Yuuri comes down with a cold. (Can also be read as a stand-alone.) Takes place in St. Petersburg post-canon.

~2000 words

～～～

Yuuri awakes from his nap with a sore throat and a gentle hand on his shoulder. He feels the hand move as he stirs and looks up to meet Victor’s ocean-blue eyes. They light up with fondness as Yuuri blinks sleepily at him.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” Victor says. “It’s not like you to be in bed this early.”

Yuuri covers his mouth as he stifles a yawn. “‘s your fault,” he slurs tiredly and rubs his eyes. “Training was exhausting. I took a nap.”

“Naps will ruin your sleep schedule, lapochka,” Victor chides and playfully tousles his dark locks.

“I have one of those?”

Victor laughs. “Not for much longer, if you keep taking naps.”

Yuuri closes his eyes again and burrows under the covers with a sigh. “But it’s so cozy…”

“It’s not time for bed yet,” Victor points out. “We have yet to even make supper!” Yuuri’s only response is to burrow further with a quiet whine of protest. “Yuuri～,” Victor pouts, drawing out each of the three syllables as he tries to shake him awake.

“Victoru,” Yuuri complains weakly, saying his fiance’s name in a similar way. “We can eat later.” Victor stops shaking him for a peaceful moment and Yuuri wills for sleep to take him. Instead, Victor’s hand finds Yuuri’s wrist and manages to haul him into a sitting position.

Yuuri slumps over like a ragdoll, blanket pooling at his waist, and stares blearily ahead. His black hair is disheveled with bed-head and the longer strands fall into his eyes. Through the mess of hair, he can see Victor beaming brilliantly and expectantly at him, and though he’s still exhausted, Yuuri feels his own lips turn upwards in a smile of his own at the sight.

“Finally awake now, my love?”

“If I have to be,” he complies then yawns again, this time wincing as his throat protests the dry air. Victor doesn’t miss it.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Sore throat,” Yuuri responds as he rubs it, though it obviously does nothing to help as the discomfort is internal. What is not internal, however, is the sudden blast of cold air that hits Yuuri causing him to shiver. He longs for the comfort of the blanket again as he turns towards the source and sees the open window. He forgot to close it before falling asleep. That’s probably why his throat feels so sore and dry. And that would also explain his chills. Just the wind.

“You’re not catching a cold, are you?” Victor asks suddenly. His hand finds Yuuri’s forehead and Yuuri doesn’t stop him. He feels fine, after all. No headache or congestion or runny nose. Victor hums and Yuuri can’t tell if it’s in thought or displeasure. “You don’t feel too warm,” he notes, but his voice holds uncertainty like he thinks Yuuri is trying to hide his illness. Which he’s not, because he’s not sick, Yuuri thinks to himself firmly.

“You still have your training clothes on. And you slept with the window open,” Victor continues. His hand moves down to Yuuri’s cheek, then his neck. “Didn’t you once tell me that all of your colds start with a sore throat?”

“Yes, usually, but I’m fine,” Yuuri insists and lightly swats Victor’s hand away. Although Victor does have a point, he brushes it off as coincidence. He refuses to succumb to a cold at this point in the season. He closes the window, gets up from the bed and stands. Victor follows suit.

“You would tell me if you weren’t, right?” Victor asks with sincere concern in both his voice and features.

“Of course I would, Vitya,” he smiles. “Now come on, let’s go make supper.”

～

Come the next morning, Yuuri isn’t feeling much better. If anything, he feels worse. His throat is still sore, his head now contains a dull ache, and all he wants to do is sleep. But alas, their alarm clock insists otherwise. With a groan, he silences it and forces himself out of bed. Victor does the same, but with much more ease and energy than Yuuri could ever hope to muster even on a good day.

Today is by no means a good day for Yuuri. His symptoms (though he refuses to call them that) are very present and very annoying. In the end, though, they’re mild and could be worse. It’s not bad enough to justify taking a day off. With that thought in mind, he heads to shower.

The hot water and steam help wake him up. It also causes his nose to run, but at least it soothes his throat a bit. When Yuuri emerges after getting dressed, Victor has a cup of tea waiting for him, and one for himself as well.

“I know you said you’re feeling fine, but here,” Victor smiles as he hands the cup to Yuuri. He accepts it gratefully and inhales the aroma: ginger and lemon, with added honey. “Just in case,” Victor adds with a kiss on the cheek.

Yuuri hums in delight at the affection and at the taste of the tea as he takes a sip. He can feel the creamy consistency of the honey, and the sweetness complements the mild spice of the ginger nicely. He downs it quickly, finishes getting ready and the two head off for another day of training.

～

They don’t skate today. Instead, Victor has taken on the roll of Yuuri’s personal trainer as he tests his ever-impressive stamina through cardio-vascular training. They’re at an outdoor track, and nobody else is around. The weather is nice; it’s another warm and sunny spring day with mostly-clear skies and a cool breeze. Per Victor’s instruction, Yuuri has been doing sprinting drills, long distance runs and everything in between. Victor insists it’s vital for any healthy body and therefore contributes to skating as well, so who is Yuuri to argue?

He’s lost track of how far he’s run now, and how far he’s supposed to run. His nose is dripping profusely and his head is throbbing, but he pushes through it all. It’s not a big deal. Just a cold at the worstーand Yuuri is reluctant to admit even that. So he forges ahead, feet pounding hard on the solid ground.

His legs don’t burn like they did in yesterday’s training but instead feel like jello; he’s not even sure how he’s still moving. His lungs are the ones on fire today, matched by his throat with each laboured inhale. The windーwhile refreshingーis hitting him head on as he runs and is only making his task more difficult. It stings his eyes and throws his hair in his face so he has to squint to see in front of him.

Far off in the distance, he sees Victor standing with a stopwatch in hand as Yuuri gradually makes his way over. His breaths are deep and heavy, but it’s just a little further until the end. He can make it.

Miraculously, he does and Victor clicks the stopwatch and announces his time which Yuuri barely pays attention to. Finally done, or so he desperately hopes, Yuuri’s feet decide now is a good time to stop cooperating as he trips and sprawls on the ground.

His head is pounding in sync with his accelerated heart rate, and the impact of the fall has turned his heaving breaths into fierce coughs that refuse to let up. Victor is at his side in an instant, a hand rubbing his back to try and ease the fit. He’s concerned and calling Yuuri’s name, but Yuuri can’t get the words out to convince Victor he’s alright. He has yet to stop coughing, his body desperate for oxygen, but throat and lungs burning when he receives it.

Yuuri knows he shouldn’t just stop after running like this; he needs to get up and walk and cool down so he doesn’t pass out, but his body isn’t cooperating. He can’t find the strength to move. All of his energy is spent from the exercise, and he’s left further weakened from the coughs that continue to wrack his body. He’s not sure if he has too much air at this point or doesn’t have enough, but there’s a dangerous dizziness pulling at the edge of Yuuri’s senses. It only intensifies as Victor hauls him upright to a sitting position, and that’s all it takes for Yuuri’s body to go limp as he collapses unconscious onto Victor.

When Yuuri later opens his eyes, there is a blurred face with silver hair above him. Their expression is visibly distressed as it comes into focus, then it shifts to slightly more relieved upon seeing him awake. It’s Victor, Yuuri realizes, and he’s trying to tell him something. His lips are moving, and Yuuri thinks he catches his name, but he can’t actually make out what’s being said. There’s a persistent ringing in his ears and his hearing is muffled as if underwater, but the sound of Victor’s voice is almost too loud despite the fact. It takes a moment, but eventually it returns to normal. The rest of his brain catches up with him and Yuuri realizes he’s on the ground with his head cradled in Victor’s arms. When did that happen?

“What happened?” Yuuri decides to ask. His voice sounds as weak as his body feels. He doesn’t try to move just yet.

“You passed out,” Victor explains. “You reached the end of your run and just collapsed. Are you alright, Yuuri?” Victor gazes at him with serious worry, as if ready to spring into action and call an ambulance if need be it. Or even carry Yuuri in his arms all the way to the nearest hospital if the situation is dire. Yuuri blushes at the intensity.

“My legs just gave out,” he mumbles as he struggles to recall the memory. “I started coughing, and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t breathe.” Yuuri clenches a hand over his chest as he remembers the swirling pain and panic, the former of which still lingers.

“Are you okay now?” Victor asks, eyes overflowing with concern. Yuuri nods. His chest is still sore, and he’s a bit shaken up, but he’s not in any kind of danger.

Victor offers him a hand. “Can you stand?”

“I think so,” Yuuri answers, and accepts it. He’s grateful for the support; his whole body feels shaky, especially his legs, but they still manage to hold his weight with Victor’s help. Once upright, his headache makes itself known again and he closes his eyes against the pain and accompanying dizziness. He sways a bit, unsteady but not unconscious, and Victor is there to catch him.

“I thought you said you would tell me if you were feeling unwell,” Victor scolds, but with no malice, and it takes Yuuri a moment to register Victor’s hand is on his forehead. Yuuri doesn’t see the point in the action since his whole body should be warm from his workout. And yet he finds himself shivering.

“I didn’t think it would be this bad. I’m sorry,” Yuuri whispers, then turns away to cough weakly into his shoulder.

“No need to be sorry, love. I’m not mad, just worried,” Victor says, and Yuuri believes him. “I know you must be feeling terrible. Let’s go home and I’ll make you some more tea, okay?”

“Okay,” Yuuri agrees, feeling utterly drained. He lets Victor bring his arm over his shoulder and the two head back home for a day full of cuddles, naps and tea.

～～～

(End)

Quick translation note: lapochka is a Russian term of endearment meaning sweetheart