#Spencer dedicating her life to helping others

[lingeringscars]

I wouldn't want to go back to the person that I was before. All I cared about was winning. And now I just really want to be happy.

[strawbeerossi]

August - Prologue

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Chapter Description: You look back on the way that you bonded with Spencer over the course of the time you've known him. After one night spent between you both, you tell the girls that you want to ask Spencer to Rossi's wedding. Too bad JJ had other plans.

Content/Warnings: Spoilers for 14x15, unrequited love, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, JJ is a horrible friend (I’m so sorry), general heartbreak.

WC: 2.4K

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🏷️ @sadroses98

Spencer’s love life was a trainwreck. Everyone knew that after the Maeve debacle, dating wasn’t something that he was concerned with. He saw the horrible things that could happen to significant others of the BAU members. Haley dying, Jack being targeted, and Savannah being shot were things he’d seen first hand and he wasn’t eager to have a loved one go through any of it. He’d never forgive himself.

JJ was always special, in his eyes. Even whenever they were both young on the field together, he always pined after her. She was beautiful, funny, and she didn’t always look so bothered to talk to him. Of course, their failed attempt at a date to the Redskins game was just an indication that he should admire from afar. Besides, he’d like to have her in his life regardless. 

He maintained a healthy friendship with JJ over all fourteen years that he worked with the BAU, the woman being by his side even whenever he didn’t deserve it. It was something he wouldn’t trade for the world. He appreciated her, loving her so much that his heart swelled every time she came near him. He buried all those feelings deep in his heart, keeping quiet on the subject. It wasn’t the healthiest way to handle unspoken feelings but it was the easiest. Work would be awkward, plus she didn’t seem romantically interested. Best not to push.

Whenever you joined the BAU, you were blissfully unaware of Spencer’s feelings toward JJ, instead meeting a version of him that was so dedicated to bottling up those feelings. He was a bit standoffish with you at first, which you didn’t take personally. You’d heard of the endless trauma he’d been through and you felt like you had to work overtime to gain his trust.The problem was, you did damn near everything and it was like it wasn’t working.

You learned how he liked his coffee and brought him a cup every morning, you asked for facts about zany topics, you even mentioned Doctor Who in an effort to reach out to him. It was like he didn’t even want to look in your direction.

You managed to chip away at him over the next few months, getting him to laugh in certain circumstances or even having him greet you in the mornings. It was something that you had to work for but it was all worth it in the end whenever he’d gotten fully comfortable with you. He learned that he enjoyed talking to you, having you around.

The both of you had grown quite close to the point where every Friday that you weren’t on a case was spent having a movie night. He’d even taught you how to sew a scarf after too much trial and error. All the time you spent together was causing you to fall deeper in love with the lovable genius with each interaction. Every silly complaint about a show not being true to science, his rambles on topics that interested him, even when you two would get into arguments. 

It was no surprise that you’d fallen so fast. You wore your heart on your sleeve, yearning for a deep connection that nobody else could take away. Spencer was your person, you could feel it. There were daydreams of having a nice home with a big backyard for your kids, Spencer teaching them magic tricks or helping them excel in their academics. 

It was a Saturday night after a successful case that the team went out drinking together to celebrate. You may have let Penelope and Emily influence you into drinking your body weight in whatever liquor was put in front of you. Spencer hardly drank, however he allowed himself to have a few drinks, his tolerance being so low that he could feel a buzz after just one. 

You were too far gone to remember the events of the night but you did know that you and Spencer left together. The night was spent with drunken sex and whatever else you two got up to within the span of seven hours. You both woke up the next morning and it was still okay. There was no sneaking out when someone was sleeping, no forcing them out. You two actually spent a good portion of the morning together. The only issue? You got more attached. It was like you associated the sex with mutual feelings, the dream of actually finding someone to settle with. 

You’d gotten so caught up with the fantasy that you just had to tell the girls at work during one of your morning gossip sessions.

“I don’t know, I just feel like this could be the start of something great. I really do like him, he means the world to me. I just wish that I could say it.” You admitted, leaning against Penelope’s desk while sipping from your coffee mug. 

“Well, I say just go for it! Our genius needs to settle down.” Penelope encouraged, her eyes widening with excitement. “You two can have babies! I don’t think we could ever have enough BAU babies.” She gushed. 

JJ was laughing softly from her spot in the room at her friend’s excitement. “I mean, the worst he could really do is say no. No harm in trying to ask, right?” The blonde let her shoulders bounce. In a way, she could feel a pang of jealousy in her chest. You and Spencer? That didn’t seem right at all.

“He won’t say no! I am convinced he loves you! I mean, you always brighten his day.” Penelope was piling on encouragement, pushing you to take the bull by the horns and just get yourself out there, to put your feelings first.”Plus, you can invite him to Rossi’s wedding!”

It was safe to say that it was working. You felt a wave of confidence rush over you, taking it with stride. JJ had a point, Spencer wouldn’t be rude about turning you down. The pain would still be there in the event he did but at least he wouldn’t be cruel, right? 

“I’m gonna go talk to him about it. It’s a paperwork day, so it’ll be quiet.” Plus, she could just delve into files that needed to be filed away if he did let her down gently. It was the perfect plan!

You were planning on talking to him later in the afternoon, just enough time to give yourself a pep talk. However, Emily and Penelope killed that idea with a snap of a finger as a case had come up. It came with the territory of your job – make plans and have them destroyed by some loser who decided to massacre multiple people for the fun of it.

***

The case had taken a turn for the worse whenever JJ and Spencer were hot on the unsub’s trail, being locked inside a bank with no way to contact the outside world. The only thing anyone had was shitty footage from the security camera inside with no audio to accompany it. All you could do was assume what was happening as you stared at the screen, Emily beside you as she was talking to Penelope about getting anything if they could.

Their body language said it all though, the way that JJ seemed tense and the way Spencer had a look of… Relief? You didn’t know what was happening in the slightest but it was like you could feel your stomach churn, your heart slowly cracking. 

You didn’t want to assume it was anything too crazy, you didn’t need to worry. You were being silly. Once there were shots inside, everyone was rushing to the back door of the building to get inside. You were frozen in place, eyes focused on the room now filled with agents and cops. 

The sound of everyone talking was muffled, your mind somewhere else as you were slowly turning to the screen before approaching the two agents when they were coming out of the building. “Are you two okay?!” She asked quickly, a shaky edge to her voice as she was bringing a hand to her face. “This job stresses me out,” 

There was lighthearted, yet awkward laughter as you were eventually heading back to the SUVs. 

There was a tension hanging in the air any time that Spencer and JJ were together, the two barely sharing glances as the rest of the team were rejoicing and ending the case and preventing losing innocent people as well as potentially losing two of their best agents.

There was something wrong but you weren’t going to say anything.

Clearly something personal happened in the moment they were forced to play along with whatever the unsub wanted from them. You were curious but you didn’t want to bring it up, maybe out of fear of hearing something that you don't wanna hear. 

You didn’t ask Spencer to be your date to Dave’s wedding, instead going on your own.

The whole environment there made you sad. You were thrilled for Dave and Krystall but it was an atmosphere oozing with love while you were alone, the man you wanted to ask being weird and not speaking to you the way he usually did. There was a lot you wondered about. 

Did you do something wrong? Was he angry at you? More questions echoed in your mind, feeling defeated on how such a good relationship has fizzled out to nothing. 

You were brought out of your thoughts whenever Penelope was passing out whatever concoction of drink she came up with. “Here you go, sour puss.” The blonde spoke while placing the mixed drink in front of you at the bar, you offering a small smile in response. 

“It’s a good day, don’t be sad in the corner all night.” Luke added soon after while you were waving it off. He didn’t know the extent of why you felt the way you did. He just knew that you had been in a funk for days, not being your usual self.

“I’m not sad. I’m just.. I’m not really in the mood.” It was honest, however you knew that you had to show up for Dave, he was family. You would’ve done the same for anyone else in the team for whatever event. 

In the midst of your denial, your gaze had fallen on Spencer and JJ, the two talking together at a table farther from the rest of you. It could’ve been some deep, poorly concealed anger that had you putting the cup down and walking over to the two who seemed to be having a great time together. You were falling apart and it was like he wasn’t even paying attention. It stung. 

“Spencer! JJ!” You announced your presence with a smile, your hands clasping together. “I didn’t get to come talk to you guys earlier. I wanted to say hi.” You began. “Also, why are you two isolated from the team?! Come on!” 

What felt like a knife to your chest was the way Spencer looked at you with a lack of interest, almost as if your presence was bothersome. “Oh, we were just talking. We are fine, we will catch up later.” The male answered, hoping the answer was good enough to be left alone again.

That was the moment you broke.

“What the hell have I done to you? You’ve been dodging my calls and texts for days and you barely talk to me anymore. What is your deal?” In an attempt to not ruin the beautiful ceremony, you were keeping a calm demeanor. Even if you could feel the cracks in the facade. 

“What? Nothing! You’re acting like a child. I’m just having a conversation.” Spencer frowned, his attention finally on you for the first time in days. “You act like we talk every minute of the day.”

“Because we normally do! Come on, Spencer. Just talk to me.” You were begging for a minute of his time, an explanation. For days you’d questioned every interaction and every word said. You thought your relationship was stronger than that.

“I am talking to you. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say.” 

JJ looked visibly uncomfortable with the whole interaction, so that’s whenever you were turning your attention to her. “And you, I’ve been trying to talk to you for days and you don’t give me the time of day. What is happening? Do you both have a problem with me?”

“Look-” 

“No! She has a point, Spencer. I’ll be honest with her.” JJ finally found her voice, although the nervousness was gone now, instead just taking the situation for what it is. “I’m sorry,” The words made your knees weak. 

You knew what was coming. 

“The other day, the key to us getting out of there and preventing any injuries, I played truth or dare. Which, I know what you’re thinking but it wasn’t a childish game in the slightest.” She said slowly while you watched her in disbelief.

“Anyway, I was told to give a secret that I’d never tell anyone else. Something I’d take to the grave and-” 

“You told Spencer that you loved him.” You finished, throat tight as you were restraining the urge to either sob or scream at the blonde. “It’s just funny that this all came out after I told you what I wanted to do. You never showed him the time of day before.” 

“I don’t think you pay enough attention. Spencer has always been my best friend and we spend time together alone quite frequently. Just because you had sex one time doesn’t mean that you both were in an unspoken relationship.” JJ responded, having the audacity to act as if she didn’t break girl code to the highest degree. 

There were a few moments of silence, every intrusive thought bouncing through your mind. Your gaze was briefly turning to David and Krystall, seeing the two happily talking with guests before you were tuning your head to the pair in front of you. 

You reached over for the glass of water that one of them ended up putting down, hand clutching the glass before you made the wise decision of throwing water in their direction, the glass emptying on the both of them before the same glass was being placed down on the table. 

Without a word, you turned on your heels so you could walk away from the two. The reception was over for you, no feeling of celebration. You leaving with tears brimming your eyes caught the attention of the small group of agents, the group now turning their heads briefly to look at Spencer and JJ.

“Oh no..” Penelope frowned, the normally bubbly blonde turning to Tara, Luke and Matt.

“Something tells me that JJ and Spencer are talking..”

[pastanest]

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

A/N: returned from me depressive episode for a professor reid fic BARK BARK ANG ANG ANG GO MY TEETH ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE daddy issues? gottem! 🤠 pls lmk if you guys think a part two’s needed for this one bc I’m honestly torn??

warnings: age gap baby we out here fr (but it’s all wholesome bc Spencer isn’t a creep x)

Someday

Graduating from university was a bittersweet experience for you. On the one hand, you achieved exactly what you set out to, exceeding your own expectations in your capabilities as a student and working towards your dream career; you had dedicated years of your life to your course and earned a sense of pride in yourself that you had only previously hoped for; you had made friends you hoped to keep in touch with for the rest of your life, but even if you didn’t, they were established pillars to you, memories you would never lose, wrapped up in the campus of your university. On the other hand, one lingering thought was enough to sour the joy you felt. One isolated thought, as you celebrated with your friends with graduation caps flying overhead and cheers erupting all around you. Because while everyone was lost in the celebration, you were distracted from it, pulled by a gravity that others appeared to be immune to. Through the crowds, you locked eyes with a man who had made the last year of your course the most important of all. The smile on your face softened, and his matched yours, the same thought floating from your gaze to his: this was to be the last time the two of you could ever hope to cross paths. You were no longer part of the campus, instead, you were to be on your way to your dream career, while he stayed put, watching you fly away like a dove against a perfect landscape.

To you, Doctor Spencer Reid had singlehandedly revived the joy and drive you felt when, by the last year of your university course, those aspects of you had begun to dwindle. He was the best professor you had ever had, becoming your favourite from his first guest lecture. It had been so profoundly impactful to you that when he waved off the other students in the hall as they left, you stayed behind to personally thank him. You divulged the length of your course, how strenuous the workload had begun to feel, but how his passion for profiling had given you a second wind. To Spencer, you were the first spark of light he’d seen since getting out of prison; you looked at him like he was something special, something good, and while he couldn’t thank you for that without becoming far too emotionally intimate with you, you became the reason he sought out a permanent position at your university. If he could make the difference in one person’s life, encourage someone into the career he loved while trying his best to prepare them for the hardships he hadn’t been ready for prior to joining the BAU, perhaps that could play a part in him redeeming himself. Viewing himself as worthy of the way you had looked at him, the day you had met.

Truthfully, Spencer’s intentions with you had been nothing but sincere. He knew you were an attractive young woman, but that was an observation he would make had he only passed you in the street in a fleeting moment; it neither added nor subtracted to his motivations, his existing desire to teach, to help, to inspire - if he dared wish he was capable of such a thing. When you returned to your campus after a weekend barricaded in your dorm, studying in a heap of your own making, to find Doctor Spencer Reid had taken over the majority of lecture slots on your course, to say you were overjoyed would have been an understatement. The grin you gave him when you entered the lecture hall, and the smile he returned, felt like the world’s most wholesome secret; both of you aware you’d played a part in each other’s being there that neither of you understood the scale of. 

From then, the two of you became as friendly as two adults in your positions as a professor and student could, within the bounds of what was appropriate. You would share smiles at the beginning end of every lecture, he would praise your constant ability to hand essays in early, you would retort by praising his continual skill at holding your attention in the topics he delivered and thus being the reason you felt inspired to hand in said essays early. Outside of the lecture hall, you would smile at each other across campus in the event you crossed paths. While it was true that it did seem the two of you were more aware of each other’s presences than you perhaps should be - like a sixth sense for the arrival of the other, looking around until your eyes or his found the other, knowing you would be somewhere close by, somehow - it was not something either of you acknowledged. The tether was as invisible as it was deliberately ignored.

Naturally, your friends would often joke that you were no more than a silly girl with a crush, but even they knew that was not the case. There was nothing immature about the way you felt, or the way you handled it. Yes, it was inappropriate of you to feel as giddy as you did before each of his lectures, daydream of him in between said lectures, and spend far too long swooning at the memory of the one occasion in which his fingertips brushed yours when you handed him an essay you’d completed early, but you were sensible enough to keep those things to yourself. The alternative timeline you dreamt of, where the two of you had met in different circumstances and thus been allowed to pursue whatever it was in the societal norm of two consenting adults, where you shared walks in the park hand in hand, cooked dinner together, discussed baby names - that was entirely fictional and safe in your own head. While you acknowledged they were inappropriate, you allowed yourself to enjoy the pleasant feelings, knowing you could never act on them, and that the time you had together was counting to a definitive end. That is what made the feelings harmless; you knew they couldn’t last.

In Spencer’s mind, things were quite different. He thought he had a knowledge on love and its many forms, though his own experiences were limited, his eidetic memory was painfully keen to remind him of the tales of unrequited love he had read and applied to himself throughout his life. He remembers well, what it was like to be a boy and feel like a particular girl in his class was the center of his solar system, but he had been laboring under the misapprehension that such feelings were restricted to when he had been a boy. Of course, Spencer repressed every trace of feeling he felt for you with an efficiency like you would not believe; not only because love had burned him in the past, but because he knew, as you did, this couldn’t develop or last in any conceivable way. It was doomed. A tragedy already written. He had accepted that as you had, and for the most part, he lived in a peaceful sense of denial about any feelings existing between the two of you. It was only in isolated moments, his resolve crumbled. Every single time you had smiled at him, something had fluttered in his stomach, a palpable skip of his heart was felt in his chest; physical symptoms such as that, he couldn’t deny. He was a man of science, who existed to deny every detail of you that enamored him, until your fingertips brushed his when you passed him another essay you’d completed early, and suddenly the universe around him fell back into place. Every star flickered in the sky above him, an eclipse over his heart that allowed a momentary lapse of judgment, just a microsecond in which he was defenseless to the montage of you that played in his mind of an entirely hypothetical future that could never be. 

That day, and that last shared gaze, you knew you had no choice. You were powerless to the pull of him, and you pushed through the crowds at the same time as he was already turning to you, knowing you were on your way before you’d even decided it for yourself. 

“Professor Reid.” You greeted him, as professionally as ever, and his smile widened into a chuckle, your own smile growing at the sound. 

“(Y/N).” He nodded at you in a polite gesture of respect. “Congratulations. You earned every second of today’s celebrations.”

You felt your cheeks warm, and you avoided Spencer’s eyes shyly, glancing at the grass beneath your shoes and his. 

“Thank you, Professor, I…I just wanted to thank you, again, for everything. I can’t wait to brag to every profiler I meet that I was lectured by THE Doctor Spencer Reid!” You couldn’t resist teasing him just a little, even in the midst of your sincere gratitude.

That earned another quiet laugh from Spencer, as you’d predicted it would.

“I’m hardly deserving of being your bragging right, or subject to your gratitude. You got yourself here, I was just lucky enough to be a part of it. I hope to see your name appearing in solved cases before long.” He beamed at you.

“I’ll make sure they only ever put my name in with credits to you in brackets right next to it.” You joked, rolling your eyes playfully at Spencer’s implication of you being on your way to cracking criminal cases in no time. 

“I’ll keep an eye out for that, too, then.” He amended, his smile softening at the same rate yours did with the subtext of his words sinking in: he’d be watching out for you and your successes, wishing you the best all the way. 

“Don’t go retiring early now, I’m counting on seeing you in the field someday!” You raised an eyebrow at Spencer, and the slightest hint of a smirk curled at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, you don’t need to worry, I’ve got my reasons for sticking around for a while.” He nodded to you, then looked over your shoulder and nodded at your friends. “I think your presence is being requested elsewhere.”

Glancing back over your shoulder, following his gaze, you saw your friends waving you over, and you sighed. If only you could freeze the world around you. But, there was a countdown with every moment spent in Spencer’s company, as there had always been.

“Yeah.” You breathed, turning to face him again. “See…your name someday, I guess.” Your eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what the correct terminology for a goodbye such as that was.

But Spencer snickered, so whatever words you’d chosen were the right ones.

“Yes. See your name, someday.”

With that, you headed back over to your friends, casting one last look over your shoulder to find Spencer still watching after you with a softness in his eyes that you’d not seen before, because usually he had enough time to compose himself before you caught him. You waved at him like it was just another instance of crossing paths on campus, and he returned it, before your shared gaze was swallowed by the crowds, and you were whisked away by your friends.

They say time flies when you’re having fun, but you would be the first to argue that time also flies when you are going through rigorous training and extreme stress almost everyday for over a year. There were moments of fun during it, of course, but for the most part, the mental and physical strain was an endurance test that you were far too stubborn to allow to get the best of you. Nobody ever gave you the impression that the FBI academy was an easy avenue, and your favorite professor had warned you of the most challenging aspects of the training in advance. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought of him during the most difficult points of the past year; the advice he’d bestowed upon you had proven to be infinitely valuable already, and whenever you happened to mention him to others, the expressions of shock and awe you’d receive were testament to the fact he very much had been worthy of being your bragging right - if you could see him once more just to say “I told you so”, you’d take the chance in a heartbeat.

You hadn’t expected to be effectively scouted as quickly as you were, following university. Originally, you had your heart set on some local police work, hoping to climb the rankings and edge your way towards the FBI that way, to have some experience in the field to assist you going forward. Fate had been on your side when you were given the opportunity to showcase your skills on a particularly challenging case that the local police force you worked with were not equipped to handle. A couple of FBI agents had been sent to assist with the case, and by the end of it, the two of them gave you a recommendation to the academy. 

In the year that’s passed since, you have done everything in your power to prove yourself to be exceptional, and now, you are taking the elevator to the floor dedicated to the Behavioural Analysis Unit. Everything you have been working towards has built up to this moment, and while it is only an introduction to the team, you were the only one amongst your peers to be offered this opportunity. There are no vacancies on the team, as far as you’re aware, so they aren’t urgently in need of anyone, meaning you are likely being recommended to shadow them, which could lead to a permanent role if you play your cards right. Once that is secured, all of your hard work will have paid off, the years of your life you have thrown into this will have been worth every second, every tear, every drop of sweat. 

The elevator dings, and you take a deep breath. The second the doors open, you step out of them, only to be greeted by a dark haired woman who has an intimidating stance until she sees you, and then she’s smiling, holding her hand out for you to shake.

“(Y/N), I assume? Great to meet you, I’m Emily Prentiss, the Unit Chief.” She introduces herself, and your eyes very nearly fall right out of your head as you nod, shaking her hand.

“Oh, wow, it’s amazing to meet you! My whole class has heard so much about you!” It’s an exclamation you try your best to deliver as calmly as you can, but you are substantially awestruck.

“That’s very sweet of you,” Emily’s smile warms as she lets go of your hand. “-I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about you, too - your training coordinator’s been singing your praises.” She expresses, gesturing for you to walk with her.

You scoff, feeling a little bashful, but still proud of how far you’ve come. 

“He’s not been annoyingly insistent about passing me off to you guys, has he?” You joke with a cringing expression, causing Emily to laugh as she holds the glass doors to the bullpen open for you, shaking her head.

“No, no, not at all! I actually requested you come up here; given how well you’re doing, and this is where you’ve stated your goal is, I figured it’d be good for you to learn what you can while the team’s in a stable position.” She explains, and you nod along, keeping your eyes fixed on her as she talks, wanting to take in her every word.

You know what she’s trying to say; you’d been right that the team don’t necessarily need you right now, but that’s a good thing - it means you’re safe to learn at your own pace, without any pressure of being expected to take on the role right away, you’re just here to learn. 

“That’s reassuring, thank you.” You smile at Emily, and she returns it. 

Walking through the bullpen, Emily takes the time to introduce you to the different members of the team, and you use that as an opportunity to profile what you can about them. Emily has evidently always been a natural leader, but she’s not quite comfortable in her position yet. Luke is the epitome of the golden retriever personality, Tara is total badass but still a sweetheart, Rossi seems to be the father figure of the group but begrudgingly, JJ is a very protective mother figure despite being around the same age as a few members of the team, and Penelope is the sweetest woman to ever exist - not too difficult to suss them out. 

“It’s such an honor to meet all of you!” You’re gushing unabashedly, but you can’t help it; the thought of working with these people is literally a dream come true for you.

“She says that, and she hasn’t even met our genius yet!” Luke laughs, waving the file in his hands before setting it down on a very neatly organized desk. But, something on that folder catches your eye.

It couldn’t be. It absolutely couldn’t be.

“Sorry, can I see that?” Your heart is already pounding.

Frowning in confusion, Luke passes you the folder he’d just set down, and you take it with clammy, shaking hands. Your eyes scan over the printed text at the top of the brown folder, not opening it to view the contents within, because the front was enough to make your stomach flip.

See your name, someday.

The team of profilers that surround you are exchanging glances, and it doesn’t take them long - considering their unique skill set - to come to a conclusion.

“Have you…heard of Spencer?” JJ poses the question to you as gently and vaguely as she can, and you nod unsteadily.

Do you-? In the alternative timeline you entertain inside your own head, you are happily married to that man with three kids and a house with a wraparound porch. Do you know him?

It takes a few seconds for you to regulate yourself enough to look up from the folder and place it back on the desk that you now recognise has to be Spencer’s. Clearing your throat, you laugh at yourself awkwardly.

“Yeah, uh, he was actually a professor at my university, just over a year ago.” You elaborate, feeling like you almost have no choice, given the way your own reaction outed yourself.

In the adrenaline rush that hasn’t left you since being sent to the BAU floor, you’d failed to connect the dots in your own mind, or maybe you didn’t want to get your hopes up in believing that he’s still part of this specific team. That today, he happened to be in the office, not away on a case, or lecturing somewhere, or literally anywhere other than right where you were due to be today.

The team exchange glances again, a silent conversation, but this time it’s one of understanding rather than confusion. All at once, they’re starting to smile at you.

It isn’t your business, so they don’t go into detail, only divulging to you that Spencer hasn’t been himself lately because his mother has been unwell and that it shouldn’t be fatal, but because that’s the only family he really has, he’s been worrying himself exponentially. Regularly stepping out of whatever room the team are in to call the hospital, or talk to his mother directly, and barely talking to the team about it whenever they ask about it. The reason they tell you this is because, knowing Spencer as well as they do, your presence can most definitely serve as the perfect pick-me-up to his presently busy and anxious mind - so, you and the team quickly form a plan.

Twenty minutes or so later, Spencer steps back into the bullpen with a forlorn expression; the vision of a man with every ounce of life pulled from him, drained beyond belief. He barely acknowledges Emily or JJ - the rest of the team being in Penelope’s office, watching via the security cameras and her monitors - instead moving past them, towards his desk.

“How is she, Spence?” JJ asks softly, patting his back in an effort to reassure him.

“Mom refused to pass the phone to the doctors and couldn’t even tell me if she’d taken her antibiotics for today.” He all but collapses into his chair, eyes closing in a pained blink.

Phone calls with his mother have often been difficult, but when she’s sick, her schizophrenia and consequential lack of trust makes them especially so; convinced the government are listening, she won’t relay what medicine she’s taken or when, and without confirmation from a doctor, Spencer has no way of knowing whether his mother is actually recovering from any other sickness that ails her. 

“I’m so sorry, Spencer.” Emily sighs, looking at him with sympathetic eyes, and Spencer can only nod his thanks.

Opening his eyes, he looks for something - anything - to distract himself. His gaze lands on the folder on his desk, and he picks it up absentmindedly. It’s then, Emily and JJ take their cue to leave, pretending they have a very good reason to head into Emily’s office and close the door behind them; pretending they aren’t discretely peeking through the closed blinds.

Vision not entirely focussed, Spencer flips the folder over with a sigh, barely glancing over the front of it, until something sparks to life in the mess of his mind. He pauses, frowns, and looks back over the front of the folder. His chest feels tight. 

“Folder contents to be provided to: Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N) - (with credits to Doctor Spencer Reid).”

Spencer stands from his desk like he’s been electrocuted, looking around the now empty bullpen and immediately realizing that his team, his beloved friends, his family have helped plan something just for him, and his heart is already racing. 

His lips part to call your name, but no sound comes. It doesn’t need to; his heart has been singing it in a secret mantra, everyday since he last saw you. Summoning you, but taking its sweet time. 

On the other side of the bullpen, you rise from where you’d been hiding under one of the other desks, out of Spencer’s line of sight, now appearing before him. Your gaze locks with his from across the room, a desk’s distance separating you, but it doesn’t obstruct the tether even remotely. Nothing ever has.

Spencer watches as time slows to reveal a smile spreading across your face, one that is so beautifully familiar he has to catch his breath before remembering his own smile. Every detail  of you, he recognises. The color of your eyes, your lips, your hair - each and every one, his favorite shades to ever exist. He notices every minuscule detail of you that has changed in the time that has passed, and immediately finds himself listing praise after praise towards each and every one, in the confines of the mind you have enchanted to emptiness. While his conscious mind has continued to deny the power you hold over him, his subconscious mind has been plagued by dreams of the way he’d hold your hand, the kisses he’d leave on your cheeks, should you ever be so gracious as to bestow the honor upon him. He was foolish to even try and convince himself that your beauty was a passing observation; should he ever dare think such a blasphemous thought again, he’ll request a psych eval on himself. 

“Hi.” He breathes, too lost for words to say anything else.

“Hi, Professor.” You answer, the sound of your voice that of his favorite song returning to him after far too long. 

“You aren’t required to call me that now, you realize.” Spencer clarifies, an almost imperceptibly playful tone laced into his words.

“Should I call you Doctor Reid, then?” You offer, raising your eyebrow at him, as though challenging him.

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, but he’s walking towards you, closing every inch of space he can’t allow to exist for another second, until only the desk separates you. 

“Just Spencer, would be preferable.” His own voice is softer than he’s ever heard it.

“In that case, I look forward to working with you, Spencer.” You beam, placing deliberate emphasis on his name and holding your hand out to him.

Every thought he has ever had about every germ that has ever existed, erases itself from his mind. He doesn’t hesitate.

“Likewise. It would seem my list of reasons to delay retirement has just grown exponentially.” Spencer’s hand reaches for yours, shaking it so gently - his hand very nearly swallowing yours and not letting go for anything - crossing the only barrier and turning the tether into something tangible, for the very first time. The spark that previously only existed between your eyes, bursts to life in a warmth that blossoms between your hands now, but not just there. It lingers everywhere. It’s in your cheeks, already aching from how hard you’ve been smiling at each other, and it’s in your chests, your hearts fighting with equal strength to forego your ribcages and fly away; a pair of doves into a perfect landscape.

[heizenka]

𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥

♖ Spencer Reid x f!reader

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

— content warnings: semi-angst, mention of murder

— word count: 630

The crisp autumn air hung heavy over Quantico as Spencer Reid stood outside the familiar gates of the BAU headquarters. It had been months since he had left, seeking solace in books after a particularly harrowing case. Yet, the past always had a way of catching up, especially when it involved someone he once trusted with his life.

The call from his former boss, Emily Prentiss, had been unexpected yet urgent. Reid hesitated briefly before stepping through the doors, his mind racing with questions about the case and the person at its center: you, his former partner.

Inside, the bullpen buzzed with activity, but the tension was palpable. All eyes turned to Reid as he made his way to Prentiss' office. She greeted him with a mix of relief and apprehension, knowing how delicate the situation was.

"Spencer," she began, her voice low. "I know you've moved on, but we need your help. Y/N... she's involved in something terrible."

Reid's heart sank. You had been his confidant, his equal in profiling, and once, his closest friend. you guys had shared late nights poring over case files and stolen glances that spoke volumes. But now, you'd been wanted for the murder of three of their colleagues.

"I can't believe it," Reid murmured, his mind already racing through possibilities. "What do we know?"

Prentiss slid a file across her desk, photos and evidence neatly arranged. "The evidence points to her, Spencer. But we need your insight. There's more to this than meets the eye."

Reid flipped through the file, his analytical mind piecing together the puzzle. Memories of you flashed before him — your laughter, your dedication to justice, and the way you had pushed each other to be better profilers. Could you really have turned?

Days turned into nights as Reid poured over the details, his dedication to the case unwavering. Every clue, every profile pointed back to her, yet something nagged at him, a feeling he couldn't shake. The pieces didn't fit neatly, and Reid knew there was more at play than the surface suggested.

Then, a breakthrough came in the dead of night. Reid rushed to Prentiss' office, excitement and trepidation mingling in his voice. "I think I know where she'll strike next," he said, laying out his theory with the precision only he could muster.

Together, they set a trap, hoping against hope that you would show your hand. The hours ticked by, tension thick in the air until finally, you appeared. Y/N stood in the doorway, eyes meeting Reid's with a mix of sorrow and defiance.

"I didn't do it, Spencer," your voice whispered, voice cracking. "You have to believe me."

Reid hesitated, torn between his training and his heart. He saw the desperation in her eyes, the plea for understanding. Slowly, he nodded, trusting the instincts that had never steered him wrong.

As the truth unraveled, they uncovered a conspiracy that went deeper than anyone had imagined. You had been framed by someone within the bureau, a betrayal that shook Spencer to his core. In the aftermath, as your name was cleared of all charges, he found himself standing at your side once more. The weight of the shared ordeal hung between you both, but so did an unspoken hope for the future.

"I never stopped believing in you," Spencer admitted quietly, his gaze steady on yours.

You smiled softly, a flicker of something more in shown in your eyes. "Thank you for coming back, Spencer. For trusting me."

And in that moment, as the shadows of doubt gave way to the light of truth, Reid knew that some bonds couldn't be broken. Love, loyalty, and the pursuit of justice had brought you both full circle, stronger together than you had ever been apart.

copyright 2021 heizenka, all rights reserved. I do not allow my creations to be published of translated anywhere else so please do not repost.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Reckoner: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: Your world is turned upside down when you get in trouble for something you didn't even do. The entire team is in uproar over this but Hotch says he will take care of it. Can he? Or are you doomed to live out the rest of your days in misery?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

"Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical." - Blaise Pascal

"How is your knee feeling?" you ask Spencer when you walk out of the elevator.

"Still hurts, but the brace you have around it is helping. I'm not moving it too much."

"I might not be a doctor in medicine but I know a thing or two."

You two walk into the bullpen where the rest of the team is. Derek, Emily, and Penelope are huddled around JJ who is showing them pictures on her phone.

"What are you guys looking at?" you ask and set your things on your desk.

"Pictures of Henry."

"My Godson? Let me see!" You and Spencer head over to her and admire the pictures of her son. "Look at his chubby cheeks. He's so cute. You guys are still bringing him over this weekend, right?"

"Yes. Will and I are very excited to go out of town."

"Well, don't worry. Spencer might be crippled but we can take care of him," you joke.

"Hey!"

You look up and see Hotch and Rossi in Hotch's office with an agent sent from the Witness Protection Program. Everyone knows it's Jack's birthday so it's especially hard on Hotch right now. The agent leaves promptly, leaving both older men to talk alone.

"How he is doing?" you ask and nod to your boss.

"How do you think?" Derek sighs. "That agent came by earlier to show him a video of Jack. It sucks but that's about as much as Hotch is gonna get for it."

"We're gonna catch Foyet before something bad happens," you promise.

"We should get to the briefing room," JJ announces and puts her phone away.

You're about to follow everyone when you see several Virginia police officers walk into the bullpen.

"Excuse me, where can I find SSA Y/N?"

"Right here. What can I do for you?" you ask and step forward.

"You're under arrest for the murders of Juan Lopez, John Dimateo, Chase Williams, Eric Price, Jeffrey--"

As the officer is speaking, he turns you around and handcuffs your wrists behind your back. Your gun and badge are still on your person which he also removes. He says two more names which makes a total of seven people he thinks you're responsible for. The entire bullpen is in chaos as Spencer and JJ protest against your involvement, Penelope is just confused and asking why, and Derek immediately gets Hotch and Rossi involved.

"Hotch! Rossi!" Derek yells.

Hotch looks through the window and sees you in handcuffs. He and Rossi are out of their seats and out of the office in record time.

"Excuse me, what is going on?"

"Who are you?" the officer who handcuffed you asks.

"I'm her superior. What is going on here?"

"She's being arrested for the murders of seven men."

"Hotch! I didn't do it!" you say but they're already pulling you away.

"Wait, where are you taking her?"

"Virginia Police Department for questioning."

"Hotch! Spencer!" you say as they practically drag you away.

For five seconds, no one can say anything. No one can believe what they just witnessed. You? Murder? You dedicate your life to helping others, not to end their lives. You've had so many bad things happen to you and by doing good, you think you're making up for the bad. Why would you go out and murder seven people? When would you have the time to? If you're not at work, you're at home with Spencer.

After those shocking five seconds, all hell breaks loose. Everyone starts talking over each other. What is going on? Who are these victims? There has to be some kind of mistake. Y/N would never murder anyone. They've got the wrong woman. Even people who are not on the team start whispering to each other.

"Everyone calm down," Hotch says loudly. He turns to Rossi who is trying to keep a confident face on. "Take the team with you to Long Island." He addresses the team. "Listen, I'm going to go down there and figure out what's going on. In the meantime, there is still a case going on that needs our attention. JJ and Rossi will brief you on the case. When I'm done, I'll fly up there on my own."

"Let me go with you," Spencer says.

"Spencer, I know how hard it is for you right now, but I need you with the team. I'm going to take care of it."

Everyone hates that they can't be there for you right now but they understand where Hotch is coming from. When Hotch was released from the hospital, they all wanted to take care of him but stayed with the team and worked on other cases. However, Hotch was bedridden. You're in fucking jail.

After Hotch leaves and the rest of the team is getting ready to fly to New York, Spencer is still stuck in his spot. He can't seem to move from it because all he is thinking about is you. He wants to cry. He wants to break down at the thought of you being all alone in that interrogation room. Derek does a double take and walks over to Spencer.

"She's going to be okay, man. They have the wrong person. We both know this."

Spencer has to believe this otherwise he doesn't know what he is going to do. Everyone piles into the briefing room but it's like they are zombies. No one knows how to act because your chair is empty. Spencer won't be able to concentrate on a word JJ says much less anyone else, but she begins the briefing.

"Last night, Ben Vanderwaal was killed in Commack, Long Island. He was shot at close range once in the heart, once in the head with a .22 caliber. They found hair and blood trances from Ben's wife, Heather."

"Not Heather?" Rossi asks.

"No, she's still missing and presumed dead. The caliber and placement of the bullets match that of two previous victims. The first is Rita Haslat. Eight months ago, she went missing from her home in New Jersey. Four weeks later, she was found in a trash bin."

JJ puts pictures of what Rita looked like before and after being found.

"She went from that to this in under three weeks? She's totally emaciated," Emily says.

"Ligature marks on her wrists and ankles indicate she was constrained." Derek looks over at Spencer to see him staring at the desk. "One in the heart, one in the head like Ben."

"It sounds more like an execution," Rossi says. "What about the third victim?"

"His name is Bill Levington. His appearance was certainly altered."

JJ allows the others to read about what happened to Bill. There's no way she's going to put those pictures on the screen. Spencer grabs the file and flips through it but he's not really reading it. He's only doing this so he doesn't get in trouble for not paying attention.

"His genitals are missing. Though the method of mutilation is different in each crime, there is clearly a signature. The question is, what?"

"In Ben's case, his hands were taken. Bill's genitals were taken. Rita was completely different. She was starved, tortured, and executed. There's no sign of postmortem mutilation," JJ says.

"Why would he take Heather and not simply kill her?"

"Maybe he hasn't and she's still alive," Derek says.

"The only thing concrete is the MO which depicts an efficient no-nonsense murder. We need to figure out what each act of mutilation means to the unsub or to the victim. Wheels up in twenty," Rossi announces.

He gets up, takes out a file from his inner jacket pocket, and places it in front of Spencer. The noise of the paper slapping the desk is enough to break Spencer out of his trance. He looks at the file and then up at Rossi.

"What's this?"

"You told us you were cleared to fly. You lied."

"Naughty boy," Emily chuckles.

"No, I didn't. I am a doctor, so technically, it wasn't a lie," Spencer stutters.

"What was it, then?" Penelope asks.

"Second opinion."

"You're my bitch now," she smiles and walks out of the briefing room. Everyone else walks out leaving Spencer alone with his thoughts. He allows his tears to fall now that he's alone. Penelope pauses when she hears him sniffle so she backtracks into the room. "Spence..."

"I'm fine," he sniffles and wipes his eyes.

"No, you're not. We're all not fine. She's going to be okay. Hotch is going to get her out of this."

"Yeah, I know," he whispers.

Hotch arrives at the Virginia Police Department sooner than he thought. He won't let you go down for something you never did. He's known you for around five years. He knows the kind of person you are, especially when you tackled him away from a car bomb and stayed by his side when he was stabbed by Foyet. He's not going to let anything happen to you.

The police department must know he was coming because they are on his ass as soon as he walks through the front door.

"You can't be here. You have no authority. This case isn't Federal," the arresting officer says.

"Like hell, I can't. I am her boss. She has rights."

"Which have been read to her. She hasn't lawyered up."

"There is a big misunderstanding here--"

"There is no misunderstanding. Y/N committed these crimes and didn't try to hide it very well."

"With what evidence?"

"Oh, we got a buttload of evidence and it all points to her. Sorry, but you're not on the case. I can't release that kind of information."

"I need to see her. I have a right to talk to her as her superior and as a lawyer."

The officer knows he's not going to win this argument so he decides to let it become his supervisor's problem.

"Be my guest."

The officer leads Hotch to where you are. They took you to one of the interrogation rooms as soon as you arrived, and you've been sitting here with an incompetent officer asking you questions. You're handcuffed to the desk even though you've shown no signs of being violent. You've complied with all of their rules but you haven't said a word to them. You know how interrogations work. You know how someone can incriminate themselves just by talking. You're going to let them get all their questions out before lawyering up.

"Care to explain to us why we found your DNA on all seven men?" No answer. "All seven men were murdered with different weapons that we traced back to your apartment. Your possession. Care to explain?" No answer. "My question is how did you manage to murder seven very fit and strong men that brutally? You're an FBI agent. You must know how to cover your tracks, no?"

"I want my lawyer."

The officer sighs and closes the file they have on you. He can't ask any more questions until your lawyer arrives. He chooses to leave the file there and exits the interrogation room. You immediately grab the file and look through it to see what they have. All seven men were brutally murdered like he said, but you didn't think it would be this bad. You're a strong woman but not strong enough to do this kind of damage.

Each man was killed with a different murder weapon--all that you recognize. They're items from your and Spencer's apartment. A kitchen knife that JJ gave you as a set for you moving into Spencer's apartment, a worn-down hammer you got from your parent's house to put up more shelves, one of your heels that Spencer got you as a present just because he loves you, the fire extinguisher you keep underneath the sink, the iron you keep in the bathroom, one of your phone chargers, and a box of Spencer's matches.

All of these items can come back to you since you're the one who bought them all besides the heels. Who are these men? Who actually killed them? They were all killed in close proximity to your home and work, so whoever killed them must be local to the area. Why frame you for the murders? What does this person or people get for framing you? There are a whole lot of questions that the police aren't asking.

It seems like all they see is murders, some DNA that belongs to you, so you must be the killer without asking the important questions. The door opens and you quickly close the file and return it to the spot in which you found it. You go back to the stoic look on your face but that drops when you see Hotch at the door.

"Hotch!" He closes the door to give you two some privacy even though you know someone is watching you. "I didn't do it. You have to believe me."

"I know. I believe you," he nods and sits across from you, "but someone did and they really want you to suffer for it."

"I've never even met these men in my life. I don't know who they are. How could I have murdered them? I practically live at the BAU."

"They say they have strong evidence against you but they're not saying what it is. I'm not your lawyer."

"How's Spencer?"

"As much as you'd expect him to be. He wanted to come here but the team is on a case on Long Island."

"Hotch, what do I do?" you sigh with tears in your eyes.

"I'm going to do everything I can to get you out of here. It's just a matter of time. You might be spending a few days with PD."

"Yeah. You should go to Long Island and help the team. Like you said, they're not gonna let me leave anytime soon. I'll probably still be here when you get back."

"I can stay here."

"Hotch, go help the team. People are dying. I'll be fine."

"Okay."

Hotch gets up to leave but you stop him before he can.

"Tell Spencer I am okay. My family has a lawyer I am going to use. Tell him I will be home soon."

"Alright."

As soon as Hotch leaves, your confident shell fades away. You're not sure if you're going to be okay. PD has their suspect in custody. They're not going to let you go easily. 

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[futfemfantasies]

Prompt List:

Hey everyone! 

I have some ideas and who they are for but I want to see which ones you all want. If you want to suggest anyone else or make a change to the prompt, I’m happy for that! Or even if you have a prompt not on the list, send it through :)

Request the number and player and I’ll write it as soon as I can :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. “I see us in front of an altar one day”  Lucy Bronze

2. Y/N dedicates a song to _______ at her concert after just coming out  Sam Kerr

3. Asking for permission to kiss Alex Morgan

4. Casual intimacy - baths, washing each others hair, soft kisses Leah Williamson

5. Prohibited kisses - hands in hair and others on waist, lower bodies pressing into each other Patri Guijarro

6. “Can you repeat that? My brain hasn’t woken up yet”

7. “They’re just a friend, I swear”

8. “You’re my best friend! We shouldn’t, I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Fuck!” Alanna Kennedy

9. “Come to bed”

10. “Go home _____” “I’m already home”

11. Flower crown making on a picnic date Christen Press

12. World Cup proposal. Reader plays for England or USA and is dating _____ Sam Kerr

13. “I didn’t know who to call” Reader gets broken up with and seeks comfort in _______

14. Reader not healing from her mother’s death (Christen Press’ younger sister). ________

15. Barcelona team go to a Chinese restaurant and readers fortune cookie reads ‘Don’t let the one good thing in your life slip away’. _______ reads ‘your true love is around you’. At the hotel, reader and ______ link pinkies behind the group and share a kiss when they wait for a new elevator since the team filled them all up.

16. Reader joined Barca in 2017 and grew close to ________. Ended up being together for lockdown. Reader goes to Australia for national team camp and gets teased by Sam, Macca, Caitlin and Steph etc. Reader and ______ talk about coming out / what photos to use. _____ posts first then reader follows. Teasing by the team starts again after photos are posted. Mapi Leon

17. Reader is injured and she knows __________ wants to surf when she’s home so she re-waxes her surfboard as a surprise

18. Reader is quarantining with _________ when Australia wins the World Cup in 2020. It’s early in the morning and reader yells and screams, waking up ______.

19. Reader is going on a ‘date’ but knows _______ is in love with them. ________ helps pick out an outfit for the ‘date’ but reader wears it on their first date.

20. Alex Morgan little sister (5 years younger) - dating ________. Alex finds you two making out after a national team friendly - USA vs _________. Alex ‘threatens’ _________.

21. Reader singing One Less Lonely Girl to _________ on the bus on a long trip from a game to announce their relationship. Lucy Bronze

22. _________ surprising reader (Leah’s older sister) at Arsenal. Reader scores in the 90+5 minute, sending Arsenal to the Champions league final.

23. I Wish - One direction (sad fic) Leah Williamson

24. All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before - Taylor Swift (reader dedicates this to __________ at their concert) - reader’s first time saying they’ve fallen for _______. 

25. Reader cooking for _______ for the first time and it’s really good.

26. “I could kiss you right now” “You’re very welcome to do it”  Reader scores an important goal in an important game.

27. “I haven’t felt like this in a long time and I’m scared”

28. “I think you’re parents may like me even more than you”  _________ meets readers parents for the first time due to covid.

29. “I didn’t want to tell you like this, but I have no choice”

30. “I miss you” “It’s just temporary” 

31. “They all reminded me of different parts of you so I got one of each” Reader can’t decide on one type of flower so the florist makes a bouquet with all different flowers from around the shop.

32. “Was that your way of asking me to marry you?” Reader is a singer and writes ‘That Part by Lauren Spencer Smith’.  Leah Williamson // Millie Bright

[natashasfilms]

Chapter Nine - Charm and Harm

Summary: FBI agent Leila faces a profound life change after giving birth to a baby girl, supported by her loving husband. Despite the challenges of motherhood, Leila returns to her role as a dedicated agent a few months later, ready to confront gruesome and haunting cases with the BAU team.

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death. All the usual Criminal Minds stuff. And there is NO CHEATING.

Note 1: I imagine Leila Kade as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don't see her as South Asian, then that's fine. It won't affect the storyline. I also imagine the OC!Male as South Asian, but again, it won't affect the storyline.

Note 2: The team will consist of the main cast (Emily, Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron, and Rossi) but will also include Elle Greenaway and Jason Gideon because they were some of my favorite characters and I wanted to include them with the rest of the team. Basically, Elle and Gideon never leave when Emily and Rossi join.

Note 3: There will be multiple time skips throughout this series. For example, the first chapter will begin on the first season and episode of the show but then there will be a time skip to later episodes (because there are obviously way too many episodes to write this series on and I wanted to include specific episodes that would help the plot of this story). This means that this series will be a slow burn romance but I believe it to be better this way. This will also stray from the actual show a lot, so don't expect it to follow the plot precisely.

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 20

Leila heard a knock on her door, and she looked up to see JJ entering with several case files. She immediately nodded. "I'll be there, JJ. Thanks."

JJ gave her a warm smile and turned around to notify the others, giving Leila the chance to set down her pen and rise from her chair. She exited her office and headed towards the conference room where JJ, Elle, Derek, and Spencer were walking together. "That right there's a yes, baby. I knew it. I told you." Derek exclaimed, and Leila, falling into step with JJ and Elle, tilted her head in curiosity.

"What's a yes?" Leila inquired, looking at the others.

"Elle has a boyfriend," Derek replied, his smirk widening.

"Don't listen to him," Elle sighed, rolling her eyes. Leila couldn't help but notice a faint blush on Elle's cheeks, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Hmm," Leila hummed, giggling at their playful banter.

"See, she didn't deny it," Derek chimed in once more.

"She didn't really admit to anything, man," Spencer interjected.

Elle shot Spencer a grateful smile. "Thank you."

Derek remained undeterred. "Reid, trust me, you got a lot to learn."

The five entered the conference room, where Aaron and Gideon were already seated at the round table. They took their seats as JJ began presenting the new case. Leila sifted through the files as JJ spoke.

This new case centered around a man named Mark Gregory, who had kidnapped and murdered four women. Gregory had somehow disappeared and it had been 36 hours since he got away, along with a woman named Nicole Wegener. The victims were taken within a 60-mile radius, tortured, and then drowned in hotel bathtubs. Their bodies were discovered a couple of days after they were reported missing.

The team grabbed their go-bags and made their way to the jet. Upon arrival, they delved deeper into the case, exchanging additional details that hadn't been discussed in the conference room. Upon landing in Florida, they drove to the FBI Temporary Command Center to meet with the authorities leading the investigation.

Following further discussion with the Florida FBI unit, the team opted to split up, assigning tasks to interview Gregory's associates and family members. Leila, Elle, and Aaron teamed up to speak with Gregory's business partner, Hank Bloomberg. With less than twelve hours on the clock to locate Nicole Wegener alive, Leila had doubts about their chances of finding her in time.

The trio arrived at Gregory's office, where they were to meet with Hank Bloomberg. Spotting him holding a briefcase, they approached, Aaron displaying his badge as he addressed him. "Mr. Bloomberg."

"Yes," the man replied, somewhat puzzled.

"Agents Hotchner, Kade, and Greenaway, FBI."

"Well, I've already talked to the police," Bloomberg stated.

"We're from the Behavioral Analysis Unit, and I'm sure we'll have some different questions," Elle replied, nodding in acknowledgment.

Aaron began to speak. "We're looking for some insight into Mark Gregory's behavior right before the killings started," he began, and Bloomberg nodded his head as Aaron continued. "Things you might not think are important could actually be helpful."

Bloomberg raised an eyebrow in concern, subtly shaking his head. "Well, I don't know why he disappeared. You're sure you got the right guy?"

Leila gave him a reassuring nod as she spoke. "Usually when someone takes off, it gives us reason to be suspicious," she said, trying to gain any form of information from him. "Anything you know can help us."

The man nodded, trying to think of something. "Well, I've never noticed any odd behavior. We've worked together for five years. I've known him for 10. He helped coach my son's soccer league this past fall. He's my best friend."

"What about his relationship with women?" Elle asked him.

Bloomberg chuckled. "Mark's a consummate ladies' man. He always had a different woman on his arm." He responded, and Leila raised an eyebrow. "Never had a problem getting a date."

"Yes, well, dating doesn't do it for him. He likes to torture and drown them," Aaron added. The man stood there in shock, his mouth agape as Aaron continued to ask him a question. "What do you know about his history with women?"

"He was married once in his early twenties." Bloomberg answered, still shocked. "Swore he'd never do it again."

"Did you know her?" Elle asked him.

"No, it was before I met him."

"Do you know if she's still in the area?"

"Wait a minute," The man furrowed his eyebrows. "You think he did something to his ex-wife?"

"We're looking for what we call a stressor, this is what could have made him lose it and we have to look into all of the possibilities to understand why he is doing what he is doing," Leila said, trying to answer his confusion. "If we need to ask you any more questions, we'll find you."

"Thank you," Aaron added, and the man stood there for a few seconds before nodding his head, turning around and walking away from them.

The information Bloomberg brought up made them realize that Gregory had most likely been killing for way longer than they thought he had, considering he was married in his early twenties.

The team gathered more information on Gregory, significantly enhancing their understanding from where they had started, enabling them to update the FBI unit with a comprehensive profile. Gregory's adeptness at adapting to various situations, aided by his various disguises, stood out, and his ex-wife was still alive. With Gregory now on the run, it suggested he was a spree killer, poised to escalate and take even more victims.

Only a few minutes later, Aaron received a call that they found Nicole Wegener's body but instead of it being nearby, it was found all the way in Georgia. Leila let out a deep breath as they all heard the words come out of Aaron's mouth, knowing Gregory was already starting to escalate just as they predicted in the profile. Elle and Derek were on their way to Georgia to take a look at the scene.

While Elle and Derek headed to Georgia, the remainder of the team stayed behind, granting Aaron and Leila the opportunity to speak with Gregory's ex-wife. Meanwhile, Gideon and Spencer opted to engage in a conversation with Gregory's father. Following their discussions with both the ex-wife and the father, they gained deeper insights into Gregory's character and motivations.

Leila sensed that they were getting closer. Taking a break, Aaron joined her to refuel with some food. "I'm so hungry," Leila muttered, eagerly biting into her sandwich.

"I can see that," Aaron chuckled, earning a playful glare and a gentle smack on the arm from Leila.

"That's not a nice thing to say to a lady," she quipped, rolling her eyes before resuming her meal. Glancing over, she noticed Aaron without any food and handed him another sandwich, prompting a puzzled look from him. "It's delicious. Try some."

He flashed her a grateful smile before accepting the sandwich, following her suggestion to try it. Humming with satisfaction, he nodded approvingly as he took a few more bites. "You were right. This is delicious. Who made this?"

Leila grinned mischievously, taking a sip of water before replying, "I did. I've been told I make amazing sandwiches," she said with a smirk. "And I'm an exceptional cook overall."

He tilted his head in amusement. "Well, you have to let me try your cooking one day, then."

"I'll keep that in mind," she responded, going back to eating.

Gregory had abducted another woman from the mall, prompting Elle and Derek to race to apprehend him. Meanwhile, the team in Florida uncovered a disturbing revelation. Gregory had held his own mother's head underwater during a car accident, leading to her drowning. This detail caught Leila off guard, because after all, Gregory was only ten years old at the time. However, it also shed light on his actions. His first kill held immense significance. Learning of his mother's infidelity to his father during his formative years, he unleashed his pent-up anger upon her during the car accident.

Elle and Derek succeeded in apprehending Gregory just before he could harm his final victim. Leila breathed a sigh of relief knowing the victim was safe, but Gregory was shot and killed. With the case over, the team could finally close the case and return home.

When they finally returned, Leila packed up her belongings before preparing to leave. Spotting Elle at her desk, an idea occurred to her. She approached the brunette and stood before her. "Hey, Elle, you busy tonight?"

Elle looked up and shrugged. "Depends on whether I feel like finishing this paperwork or not," she replied honestly. "Otherwise, I'm free."

"Cool, how about we grab something to eat?" Leila suggested, and the brunette nodded enthusiastically, gathering her belongings before joining Leila on their way to her car.

They drove to a nearby restaurant, and Leila made a mental note to grab some food for Zaid. They settled at a table next to the window, placing their orders as they engaged in conversation.

"So, was Derek just messing around, or are you actually seeing someone?" Leila inquired, recalling the playful banter from a few days prior before their case briefing. "Not that I'm prying or anything, but…"

Elle rolled her eyes, though a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "I sometimes hate profilers."

Leila chuckled, empathizing with Elle's sentiment. She reached across the table and lightly tapped Elle's hand to regain her attention. "Spill the beans. Who's the lucky guy? Because I have a feeling I might know who it is."

The brunette bit her lip, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she glanced out the window. Soon, laughter bubbled up from her, her hands flying to cover her face as she struggled to contain her amusement. Leila couldn't help but join in, her own laughter mingling with Elle's. It felt like they laughed for ages, though in reality, it was only a few seconds.

"Okay, yes, you got me," Elle admitted, finally giving in. "And, um, yeah, we've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. I just didn't mention it because I didn't think it was that serious."

"So, it's official then? You two are serious?" Leila beamed, her excitement palpable at the news that her best friend was in a happy relationship. Elle nodded, and Leila couldn't contain her excitement, letting out a delighted shriek that caught the attention of a few nearby diners. Quickly realizing she had drawn attention, Leila covered her mouth, feeling a tad embarrassed, which only made Elle laugh.

[protege-not-protagonist]

Criminal Minds: The Protégé Chapter 1

Ch 1: Please, Not Another Auditor.

Blurb: After deciding to leave the BAU, Spencer is now a full time professor at the FBI Academy, teaching profiling and criminology. Spencer is struggling to live life without the BAU, but that is to be expected when it has been all he has known for almost 2 decades. The BAU meanwhile, struggled to find someone to fill the genius shaped hole in the team when he left, and they still are struggling. At least, that's how the newest profiler, Agent Grace Matthews feels. Grace is good at what she's good at, it's why the bureau accepted her earlier than most. But how could anyone live up Dr. Reid's legacy? So, when Grace answers a call intended for her desk's previous owner, she jumps at the chance to meet her predecessor and ask him for some advice. Together, they find a kinship… but unfortunately, they also uncover a disturbing pattern in the deaths of inmates and patients the BAU have helped put away.

Masterlist

Audience: recommened mature audience for depictions of violence and sexual references

Author's Note: You might have recognised this story from it's previous iteration on Ao3. I had a bit of a personal crisis and deleted my account. So I am re-editing what I have saved on my computer and reuploading it with some fixed continuity errors now that I finished CM Evolution. Will be cross posted here and on Ao3. This fic is dedicated to giving Spencer a happy ending, serving my desire to write crime/mystery and getting my horrific idea's for unsubs out of my head. Set in 2023, and mostly canon compliant. Sorry this is all plot, no peen. But promise there will be a love interest for Spencer, and Grace acts as a wingman for. This more a found family/ give Spencer a smol bean to mentor fic.

TW: murder, prison, criminology terms

Five years ago: Honolulu women's state penitentiary, Hawaii, April 29th 2017

‘So, what do you think detective?’ Rossi asked as the guard buzzed them through to the observation room.

‘Chief thinks based on the evidence before this fourth victim showed up, we caught our girl.’ Detective Fahnu sighed.

‘That’s all well and good, but I asked what you think Mark, cause this is a real bad time to call in a favour. Back home, a real spaghetti stick of an FBI agent, who happens to be like family to me, is in the clink, and we’re busting our asses trying to get him out before he dies. And you calling me here means I had to ask my boss if I can fly off to Hawaii for a weekend. It looks real bad, okay? So you better have a gut churning reason to keep me here, or I’m gone.’

‘It’s more head spinning than gut churning,’ Fahnu nodded through the mirrored glass window at the inmate sitting cuffed to the desk. ‘It’s just never sat right how fast we closed this one. Kauai is a small island, Li’hue is an even smaller town, people are terrified and out for blood, it’s been bad for tourism, and the local government is calling for heads Dave. Chief wanted this case solved fast. We made a profile, and she fit the bill.

‘She’s a loner, got the whole Wednesday Addams thing goin’ for her, spends her free time in cemeteries, works at a funeral home, no friends at school, quiet, never had a boyfriend or anything like that. But had a good family, didn’t so much as sneeze out of turn in public, school, work, even here she is a model prisoner after the first month. We all knew her at the station, not from any trouble, but she was a paper waster, reporting dead animals, reporting goddamn rocks being moved, cats that went missing, insisting there was a serial killer out there… well what do you know, one turns up, and she inserts herself into the investigation, you people said they do that. So with no other leads or suspects, she starts looking promising. So we got a warrant, and we found… well you know what we found and then there was the internet history.

'And here we are eight months later. I’m not sure what to think Dave, cause I know her family and character witnesses, they’re good people, they don’t lie. But neither does evidence and until this new victim showed up, all of it pointed to her. Someones playing games and I don’t know who it is.’

‘And she plead guilty?’ Rossi asked.

‘I’m not even sure about that anymore, you have the case file there?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Does it have her records while in Kauai Jail?’

Rossi flicked through it again, he saw her 3 weeks here in solitary till she turned 18 and could be placed in a cell in E block, but strangely her transfer and county jail records were missing. ‘No.’

Detective Fahnu passed him a yellow envelope. ‘These somehow never made it across my desk until this week after number four showed up.’ Rossi opened the folder and winced. ‘As soon as I saw those… I knew I made the right call asking you to come. I can’t sleep Dave, I gotta know we caught the right one.’

‘Well, either way you’ve got someone else to catch, the new victim had traces of Semen still on them?’

‘You’re right, we’re running it now hopefully it'll give us a lead, I'm sorry I can’t stay for this, we’re conducting family interviews in an hour, I at least need to be there on conference call but, let me know how this goes. I appreciate this a lot.’

‘Don’t sweat it, I’ll call you tonight, when this is done. Take care Mark.’ Rossi waved the detective off and took one more look over the files, especially the new ones from the county jail.

He observed the girl in the interview room. Her head hung over the desk as she leant on her elbows and bounced her leg. Her buzzed cropped hair now starkly different from the long curly mane in the mugshot that had been taken in November last year. She looked up and peered at the glass, only able to see her reflection, but somehow she sensed his stare and met his eyes.

It was time.

---------

Quantico FBI Academy, VA Thursday July 2023 11:15 am

‘And it is this repeated and obsessive element of an M.O. that can indicate a paraphilia. Paedophilia, necrophilia are well known paraphilia that are criminal in nature. Now paraphilia can be anything, it doesn’t have to be a criminal act, but it can form part of a signature. Can anyone name what type of paraphilia dendrophilia is?’ he asked.

Blank faces met him. Well, the faces that looked up from their notes frantically were blank. The two auditors of the class always disconcertingly looked like their minds were elsewhere. One day, Spencer sighed quietly to himself. One day someone would know. ‘It’s…’

‘Trees,’ a quiet, unfamiliar voice called out hesitantly from the back row. ‘It’s an attraction to trees, dendro from the Greek dendron meaning tree, philia also Greek, meaning strong fondness and love amongst equals.’

The voice was not one of his students this term; he was certain. He could pick their voices. Spencer swiveled his head, scanning his students to get a glimpse of the first person to answer that question since he started asking it. His suspicions were confirmed; she was not supposed to be in this class. The voice belonged to a young woman, probably early twenties, with dark hair in braided pigtails on either side of her head. She fidgeted with her glasses before stuffing her hands back into her cardigan pockets. Their eyes met and she gave him a small smile.

‘…Yes, that’s right, trees. Any ideas what kind of behaviour might be displayed in a signature if a criminal has dendrophilia?’

‘They might like to perform their crimes outdoors in wooded areas, or bury victims under trees so they can revisit crime scenes and get off on the fact the trees are being sustained by a victim's decomposition. Or they might hide bodies in hollow trees, it would depend on an unsub’s preferences,’ she suggested, he could see she had a lot more to say, but she sat there, nervously looking at other students, as if prompting them to say something.

It was then Spencer placed her. He was right; she wasn't a current student. She had been in a few of his classes when he was teaching part time, two years ago. He couldn’t put a name to her face or much of her cohort to be honest. It bothered him. They had switched to online correspondence in the first semester of 2020. Only the first two classes with her cohort were in person, in which she had been silent. But, she should have graduated by now. Why was she here? Oh God, please not another auditor, he thought.

He cleared his throat, turned his attention back to the class. ‘Does anyone who's actually in this class have something to add?’ His gaze might as well have been poisoned the way some of the young students avoided it. ‘No? Okay, I know I blindsided you with that one, but, our guest is right. It may seem inconceivable to some of you that people would actually become aroused by trees, but in my experience paraphilia can be developed from anything and everything.’

He glanced back at her. Now she was clutching a canvas messenger bag tightly against her chest with one hand, and texting with the other. She obviously wasn’t here for the content or to audit him. So, he deduced that she was waiting for him to finish. He tried his best to continue as normal, now hoping that she wasn’t one of his fans that his lectures seemed to attract. ‘Now the assigned reading for next week will go further into how a paraphilia can be imprinted on a person, but I thought the basics of paraphilia would be an important background for the case study this week because it interacts with the stages of development and the importance of a love map. This is a case study from 1995…’

-------

Spencer concluded the class five minutes early and packed up his things, warily glancing at her. The canvas messenger bag she had with her had a few pins on it for personalisation, but the way she gripped it so tight made him dread what was in it. She didn’t appear armed, but she seemed dressed in a way that would convey she was non threatening. It was not unusual, but it was certainly unique for a woman her age; a plain beige cardigan over a pale-floral-patterned collared blouse, navy culottes, and smart, vintage-style, leather loafers. Paired with her youthful hair style, it made him wary. It screamed sweet and innocent, like it was a purposeful statement. If she had consciously decided to dress that way, it was bad news for him.

As she stood, he observed she was on the tall side for a woman, at least 5'9 was his estimate from measuring her against the door frame. She smiled at the students file past her as she held the door open for them. She glanced at him expectantly as the last student left the hall. Suspicion turned to dread. He needed to go. He had no more classes for the day, but she wouldn’t know that. He power walked toward the door.

She smiled at him politely. ‘Dr Reid, I'll only need a few minutes of your time-’

‘I’m sorry. I have a class across the other side of the academy, I have to go, another time perhaps-’

‘Umm… No you don’t, it's Thursday,' she said with a chuckle.

He stilled. How would she know that? Had she been stalking him? His heart hammered, and he started to walk again, quickening his pace. He had to get to a populated area. Now.

‘Dr Reid?’ she called after him. Her shoes made no sound behind him. How was she so quiet for someone that tall? He glanced behind him to see she was two steps behind. ‘Dr Reid, I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn back there. Please, I just want to talk!’

‘I really must go.’

‘Okay, maybe we can sit down and have coffee some other time? I know you like a double espresso and double-choc-chip muffins. They're my favourite too, though I prefer tea.'

That chilled him to the bone. He began jogging. How long had she been watching him?

‘Doctor, where are you-’ He glanced back, and she was right there, her long legs striding to keep pace with him.

Oh God, she was chasing him. He didn’t have a gun right now. He didn’t carry one while he taught. This hall had cameras and hundreds of FBI cadets in classes behind doors right now. Would she really be that bold? He turned to face her. Perhaps he could reason his way out of this.

‘Look, this won’t end well for you. I don’t know what you think you can do to me, but there’s no way you can get away with anything here-’

‘What?’ She stepped back. Her eyes widened. ‘Oh no!’ She took another step back, ‘Oh no, no no… I’m not stalking you, I’m so sorry! Oh, the schedule and the muffin thing—God I must have come off so creepy, please don't freak out okay? I just… I’m so sorry,’ she fumbled out an apology. Her hand slowly went to the front pocket of her bag, but he didn't panic; the pocket was too small to hold a firearm. He kept his distance, ready to run if he needed to.

Her body language had changed completely. Before she seemed excited and nervous, but now she was utterly, and unmistakably, mortified. Spencer almost felt sorry for her.

‘I’m just grabbing my badge, sorry I-I tried calling to let you know I was coming, but Garcia said you were a technophobe, and I couldn’t wait for snail mail-’ He tilted his head, Garcia? ‘-she also told me your coffee preferences if I needed to bribe you… And I rang the criminology department secretary to see what your office hours were. Vivian, booked me an appointment in your calendar… but that… runs… on email… So you mustnt’ve seen it—you had no idea I was coming did you? God I was really early and weird… I-I- didn’t mean to scare you.’ She held out a familiar leather card holder to him. ‘I’m Special Agent Grace Matthews, I’m a profiler with your old unit, I’m new. I-I-we‘ve met before but, um… You might not remember me. Sorry I really wanted to meet you for a while now, I really admire you… and oh God this has gone so wrong… I am so sorry, I can come back later,’ she finished rambling and stood there, looking as if she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

It was like he was seeing himself at 22, struggling to fit in a crowd of suits and stern faces knowing full well that if it weren't for his intellect, he would not be there. He inspected her badge. He noted the birthdate of 12/25/1998. Considering it was a requirement that an applicant be 23 for admission to the bureau, and Grace was currently 24 and already a profiler, he suspected that she might have a similar skill set to him. He remembered both JJ and Garcia mentioned they had a new unit member earlier this year. He remembered JJ saying, “Oh Spence, you’d get on like a house on fire. Never met anyone else who could talk about cholera for 30 minutes, and then say they’re not an expert, they just dabble.”

Spencer offered her a smile. ‘Edward Leonski,’ he said.

‘Wha-Oh,’ she nodded sheepishly, ‘Yep, that was me. Eddie Leonski, “The Brownout Strangler”, I mean, I wasn’t the strangler… That was my final paper… you’d probably remember it cause of the spelling and grammar errors.’

‘No, I have an eidetic memory. I remember everyone’s term papers, but I remember yours particularly because I felt awful only being able to give you a distinction… because of the grammar and spelling mistakes. But the case you analysed, I’d never heard of before, which is always a welcome surprise. It gets a bit boring reading papers about the Zodiac, Bundy, Dhalmer over and over. But you chose a challenge, using original court transcripts, statements and archived letters as sources. And I agree with your theory that he was a narcissist with gynophobia, yet an erotic fascination with women's voices at the same time. The mimicry and self-soothing talk he practiced under stress was especially intriguing, and then added the element of the political tensions of the case. It was a really fascinating read. I had to look into it myself. I agree it is a shame that they declared him sane. There was a lot that was unique about his case that could have been learned if he wasn’t executed.’

‘I know right,’ she grinned. ‘But then again, Sanitariums in the 1940s are not something I would ever wish upon anyone.’

‘No, that’s true,’ he nodded.

Gone was the stuttering and fumbling. Good, he’d hoped a shared interest would make her more comfortable.

‘I'm sorry for scaring you Dr Reid, can I start again?’ she asked hopefully.

‘I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, and not checking my calendar—through my email? I didn’t even know that they were connected. So sure, we can start again, you apparently have an appointment. So good morning Agent Matthews, did you enjoy the lecture?’

‘I did enjoy the lecture, both times actually, but it’s way better in person. I had some spare time today, and I wanted to meet you cause I have some questions for you and… um some news, not official FBI business but, we might want to go somewhere that is not going to get flooded with students in about… Now.’ Doors to the other lecture halls opened and chatty students filled the hallway.

If he was honest with himself, he had nothing better to do today, and genuinely he missed having people he could enthuse with. Students were intimidated by him, most faculty members were solely academics and they often were disturbed by his anecdotes, and well auditors made him nervous. Not to mention Matthews’ suggestion of muffins had him hungry now.

‘You know what, I actually could really use a coffee. There is a van that parks close to the Eastside of the academy. Their muffins are usually fresh around now too.’

‘Awesome,’ her shoulders relaxed, and they began walking together through the crowd of students, ‘I’ll shout then, after the scare I gave you, I think it’s only fair.’

Next chapter

-------

NOTES: I haven't marked this mature yet. not sure how it works cause it has been ages since I posted a fic on tumblr, have no idea how it's going to handle a criminal minds fic. But oh well.

ALSO GRACE AND REID ARE NOT GOING TO BE THE ROMANTIC FOR EACH OTHER. IN THE TAGS I TRIED TO MAKE THAT CLEAR BUT I KNOW SOME PEOPLE DON'T READ THEM…. but don't worry I have someone else in mind to pair Spencer with, and Grace might go a bit "Operation parent trap" style to get them together. Also Grace will get a love interest to… Hopefully though she won't be too much like Reid and end up with her very own Graeve.

With this fic, I think I'll put specific trigger warnings a the start of each chapter because I plan to have sort of breather chapter in between cases and each case will have a variety of different stuff depending on the unsub. These first few chapters are intended as a bit of fluff and an introduction to Grace. if you love it leave a comment, like it, reblog, ask a question, whatever, it is much appreciated and it really motivates me

[constantviewings]

The TV Show Trials - Criminal Minds (Encore)

 Criminal Minds is a police procedural crime drama televisions series that aired on CBS from 2005 to 2020. Criminal Minds revolves around an elite team of FBI profilers who analyse the country’s most twisted criminal minds, anticipating their next movies before they strike again. As the team evolves together, the Behavioural Analysis Unit continues its dedication to using their expertise to pinpoint predators’ motivations and identify their emotional triggers in the attempt to stop them.

Sex, Birth, Death

A vigilante starts killing prostitutes when he feels that his efforts to clean up the city aren't being appreciated. Meanwhile, a young man seeks out Reid to help him understand the murderous urges he has had his whole life and fix them.

This episode is fine, I’m shocked that it’s this high on the list; compared to so many of the other episodes I wathced. My issue is that the reveal of the unsub (who isn’t the boy who reached out to Reid) feels tacked-on and disconnected from the rest of the episode. Apart from that, it’s just a standard episode.

Rating: 3

Lauren

When Prentiss confronts her nemesis, Ian Doyle, and goes missing, JJ is asked by the BAU to help find her and capture Doyle before it is too late.

This is a great episode, what a twist! It’s great to see more of Emilys backstory as one of the more mysterious members of the BAU. My only wish is that she was absent from the show for more than six episodes to really cement her immportance and presence in the team.

Rating: 4

Date Night

A former foe of the BAU returns with very specific demands for Dr. Reid after a father and daughter are kidnapped.

I love the episodes with Cat Adams, and this is no different; the dynamic between Cat and Reid is so great to watch. The scene between Spencer, Cat and Juliette is really good. Also, this is the only episode I’ve watched without Hotch and I will say, the team doesn’t feel complete without him.

Rating: 5

L.D.S.K.

The BAU travels to Des Plaines, Illinois, to assist the search for a sniper before he shoots more people. Meanwhile, Reid fails his firearms qualification exam and is forced to work without a gun, which only makes things worse for him when he and Hotch are both caught up in a life-threatening situation.

This wasn’t my first time watching this episode, but it’s just as satisfying upon rewatch. This episode is similar to Sex, Birth, Death where the unsub feels tacked on after suspecting another person the entire episode, but because the unsub is similar enough it doesn’t feel as egregious.

Rating: 4

The Uncanny Valley

The BAU is called to Atlantic City to profile a suspect with an unusual personal obsession who is abducting certain types of women.

This episode is decent, nothing much else to say. 

Rating: 3

Memoriam

As Reid's investigation of a young boy's murder in Las Vegas continues, he discovers possible connections to his own past, including his parents.

Time for a Reid-centric episode featuring Morgan and Rossi! I like the dynamic of the smaller group and getting more of Reid’s childhood. But, like some other episodes, the ending feels disconnected from the episodes natural conclusion.

Rating: 3

Minimal Loss

After Prentiss and Reid go undercover to investigate alleged child abuse at the compound of an underground cult in La Plata County, Colorado, they are taken hostage by the cult leader, Benjamin Cyrus, when a state police raid on the fortress goes disastrously wrong.

First of all, Luke Perry!? Second of all, this episode is great. The tension of Emily and Spencer being inside the compound is sustained through the entire episode, keeping you on edge. 

Rating: 4

True Genius

The BAU travels to San Francisco when a series of murders leads the team to believe the possibility that the elusive "Zodiac Killer" might have returned. Meanwhile, Reid contemplates his own genius capabilities after he and Prentiss attend a seminar on violent crime hosted by the crime novelist Patricia Cornwell.

I’m going to be completely honest and tell you that this episode is so forgettable. It’s not a bad episode, just insignificant.

Rating: 3

Mayhem

After a bomb explodes an SUV in New York City that might be carrying a BAU member, the team goes into high gear to determine who might have been injured in the explosion and to apprehend the terrorists responsible for the mayhem.

This episode is exactly what it says on the tin; it is non-stop tension. The episode flows really well and comes to a satisfying conclusion. This is one of the best episodes I wathced this month.

Rating: 5

To Hell/And Back

After a man in Detroit reveals evidence to several suspected disappearances that may be connected, the BAU is called to help track down the serial killer who is responsible. During the investigation, they are forced into Canada to catch him.

From one great episode, to a pair of great episodes. I have no clue how these managed to rank lower than a lot of the episodes above them but, in my opinion, they deserve to be much higher. They are definitely a tough watch, but well worth it for the quality.

Rating: 5

The Lesson

The BAU investigates a serial killer who oddly disposes his victims in Arizona. Also, Reid gets anxious when faced with the possibility of meeting his mystery woman.

This is another episode that’s a little hard to watch, but is well worth it. Brad Dourif is a welcome addition as the unsub and the actors who played the ‘puppets’ have amazing physicality.

Rating: 4

Pleasure is my Business

The BAU is called to Dallas to investigate when a serial killer lures and kills high-powered executives by posing as a high-class call girl.

I don’t really remember much from this episode, it’s pretty standard.

Rating: 2

Elephant’s Memory

The BAU is called to West Bune, a small town located in Texas, to investigate what appears to be increasingly violent spree killings that involve a teenage boy. As the team continues investigating, Reid finds himself personally and emotionally involved in the case.

While this is a pretty standard episode, what sets it apart is the dynamic between Morgan and Reid where they both relate to the unsub in one way or another; with Reid stepping in to save the unsub at the last minute.

Rating: 3

The Replicator

The Replicator zeroes in on the BAU when the killer targets one of the team as the next victim. The team must now struggle against his endgame as the stakes grow higher.

While I lacked context for the story arc of the Replicator, this is still a pretty good episode with Mark Hamill, of all people, playing the Replicator.

Rating: 3 (I’m sure it’s much better with context)

Derek

When Morgan is abducted, the BAU scrambles to find him and save his life.

It’s about time I watched a Derek centered episode! This made me cry so much it’s not funny. A great episode all-round.

Rating: 5

[mt-musings]

Bluebell

Chapter 47

After being abruptly transferred to the BAU at what she suspects was Gideon's request, Cassie Boann struggles to find her footing. Shy and solitary by nature, the transition is made all the more difficult when Dr. Spencer Reid seems to take an almost immediate dislike to her. Unfortunately for them both, their respective areas of expertise leave them paired off more often than not. But when Cassie's past literally starts hunting her, Spencer is forced to consider that he might, in fact, not hate her at all.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Spencer Reid x OC

Warnings: Canon typical violence, kidnapping, stalking, drug use, blood, injury, death, PTSD, eventual smut, more tags to be added

Series Masterlist

Read on AO3

47. Tear You Apart

Cassie didn’t wake early like she usually did.

Spencer wasn’t surprised—he’d guessed her BAC had been somewhere close to .2%, and that would take more than a few hours to sleep off. He’d helped her change and tucked her into bed at around four and she’d cried herself to sleep.

He hadn’t slept a wink. 

He felt terrible. He kept replaying her words over and over in his head, kept hearing her beg him to let her go. It had dredged up all sorts of awful feelings of abandonment, of his father walking out—even if it wasn’t fair, or the same situation at all. 

His father had left him because he was a weak man, too self-absorbed to even consider the consequences of his selfishness on his child. His father had left him, at eight, to fend for himself and his schizophrenic mother with no outside help. 

Cassie wanted to leave to protect him from the man who was hunting her, to spare him from the trauma she shouldered quietly every day. She didn’t want him to have to know the nightmare she lived in, wanted to protect him from it. 

His father hadn’t loved him enough to stay.

Cassie loved him enough to leave. 

It still cut like a knife. 

He glanced over to the other side of the bed where she slept, curled into a ball. There were gashes in the palm of her hands from her nails, the skin around them red and inflamed, and deep shadows under her eyes. 

He hated it. 

He hated how much she’d been suffering since the day he met her and he’d never once guessed to the extent, no where even close. He hated that he was angry at her for not telling him, for trying to break it off, even when he knew it made perfect logical sense from her position. He hated knowing the weight she’d been carrying alone, hated knowing just how good she’d gotten at hiding it. He hated knowing what she’d put herself through because of all the ways she’d been failed. 

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead before getting out of bed and crossing to the living room. He searched the shelves for a moment before pulling out the copy of Cassie’s dissertation he’d printed for himself and dropping back on the couch. He thumbed through to the beginning, reading through with a new feeling of horror building in his throat. 

‘You’ll never open another case file without a little of that horror rising in your throat. But you’ll fight harder, because you know. Because you lived and they didn’t.’

She’d told him that, after Tobias Hankel, after he’d started with the Dilauded. Because you lived and they didn’t.

Re-reading her dissertation just made it clear how much of her life was shaped by that, by the fact that she was the one left standing, she was the survivor. So much fell into place, heartbreakingly so.

That’s what she did—she survived, she kept moving forward, beyond reason, beyond her limits. 

He should have put it together sooner.

The story he’d noted throughout the paper was hers. Her rabid dedication to identifying the women in her case, her absolute devotion to seeing their justice through, the glimpses of tenderness she showed the dead, brief windows where her mask fell away and left her bare and without pretense. 

He finished it and set it on the coffee table, dropping his head in his hands. 

He didn’t know how to fix any of it—what was the next step when your girlfriend, who you were madly in love with, tried to drunkenly break up with you because she had a serial killer after her since the age of eight who sends her the bones of the people he kills? He doubted he’d find anything in a Dear Prudence column or in the Borders self-help section. 

Fuck.

He looked up at the quiet creak of the bedroom door opening. Cassie’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, a hollowness behind her gaze. She wore one of his oversized t shirts as a nightshirt, the hem skimming just above her mid-thighs. Her eyes flicked between him and the dissertation on his coffee table and her mouth pressed into a hard line. 

“How’s your head, sweet girl?”

She shook her head. “It’s fine.”

“Do you remember everything from last night? You were pretty drunk.” He almost hoped she didn’t, hoped they could just pretend it hadn’t happened.

“Most of it. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t—you don’t have to be sorry.”

She didn’t say anything, just slowly walked over to sit on the edge of the couch, eyes trained on her dissertation. She let her head fall back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling without really seeing it.

“You figured it all out, then?” Her voice was flat, the question rhetorical. 

“Yeah. Cass—Cass, the solution to this isn’t running away. We can figure this out, together. We’ll go through the old case files, start back at the beginning. Maybe we can bring it up with the team—“

“No. I don’t—Spencer I don’t want them to know.”

“They can help—“

“Gideon knows, Hotch knows, it’s not a priority case, and it won’t be a priority case. There’s not enough leads to make it one. There’s never enough leads.”

“Hotch knows?” He asked, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. She sighed. 

“He figured it out after Gideon ratted me out about Voron’kiv. Or Gideon told him when I went, I don’t know. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment, trying to work out how to keep the horrible, twisted jealousy out of his voice. It wasn’t fair, after all—she hadn’t told Hotch, hadn’t wanted him to know, either. But it stung that he’d figured it out, or found out, or whatever happened while Spencer had remained horribly in the dark.

He could have figured it out, if he’d wanted to. He could have gone digging, but he’d chosen not to, chosen to respect her privacy. Why then, was there this burning acidity of hurt lodged in his throat at not knowing?

“Does he know your name?”

“What does it matter?”

“Because I don’t.”

“You do. My name’s Cassie.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

She turned to look at him, an expression on her face he couldn’t quite name. She looked away as she spat out the name, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“Bluebell. My name was Bluebell Orav.”

She got up then and crossed to the bathroom. He heard the sink turn on, heard her aggressively brushing her teeth, as if the very taste of the syllables were vile to her.

Bluebell. The same name as the sonata on her iPod, the sonata by Rasmus Orav—by her father. Was the crackle on the tracks because they were home recordings? Did he play for her, when she was little, when she was sick or sad? He wondered what it was like to have that sort of adoration from a parent, from a father, so much that it rang out of every note. 

Was that why she wanted to break up, to transfer, to run, because she already knew what it felt like to lose that sort of love? Was that why she could fathom letting go?

Or did she simply not love him like he loved her? Because he couldn’t imagine letting her walk out that door, couldn’t imagine never hearing her laughter again, or waking up with her curled into his chest, couldn’t imagine walking into his apartment without any of the traces of her presence there. 

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, wishing he could scrub away the thoughts. He’d never felt this way about another person and never, ever had he fallen so quickly and absolutely. He’d never thought of the flip side, of how deeply that love tore at him, made him sick at the thought of its loss. 

He couldn’t lose her. He just couldn’t. 

When she didn’t return for a quarter hour he got up and crossed to the bathroom. She was sat on the floor, tucked in the narrow space between his bathtub and sink, her head pressed into her knees.

“Sweet girl,” he said softly, dropping to the floor in front of her. “Talk to me, please.”

She shook her head without looking up. He reached out to smooth her hair back from her face, work the tangles out with his fingers. She trembled under his touch, trembled as if terrified—perhaps she was. 

Perhaps she always was. 

It was hard to wrap his head around, when he’d always thought of her as so brave, near-fearless. He’d wanted so much to see what was behind her mask, behind her walls, behind everything she used to keep everyone at a distance. Now he was worried that letting someone that close had broken something, that perhaps that distance was how she was able to keep it all together. 

“I hate this,” she said finally, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I hate that you know.”

“Why do you hate that I know, sweetheart?” 

“Because—because I’m ashamed.”

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

“Stop being so nice, Spencer. I can’t—you should be so angry with me. I lied, I hid things from you, I’m putting you in danger every moment I’m with you. Please just yell at me or something. I know it’s all my fault.”

He hated the defeated tone of her voice, the tired edge that told him she meant it, that told him she thought she deserved it. 

“I’m not going to yell at you, Cass.”

“You’re mad. I know you’re mad. I’m a profiler too.”

“I’m not—“

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not—I’m not mad at you. I’m mad that I didn’t realize how much you were dealing with and I couldn’t help, and I’m hurt that your first reaction is to run and not fight for us. I know you think that it’s the best way to protect me, but I don’t want you to protect me. I want to be a team.”

“It’s not soccer, Spencer. We’re not stronger together against him, we’re weaker.”

“I don’t believe that.”

She looked up at him, cheeks streaked with tears, eyes narrowed. “I hope you never find out how very wrong you are.”

“I don’t want to fight. Can we please just talk? I’ll—I’ll make some coffee, we can just talk.”

“I don’t know what else you want to talk about. You know enough now to just look everything up in my files. I’m sure there’s newspaper articles.”

“I want to talk about us, Cass. I want to know where this puts us, not because you’re scared or trying to push me away to protect me. I want to talk about what we can do to support each other and where I can start helping you to find him.”

She stared at him for a long time before she un-wedged herself and stood. “Are you sure, Spencer? I mean, really, really sure. Not because you feel bad for me or because I’m a case that needs to be solved—“

“I’m sure, Cass, because it’s you. The rest of it we can figure out, but if I’m sure about anything in the world right now, it’s about you.”

He watched as a tear slipped down her face, lips pressed together in a thin line. “It gets worse.”

“I don’t care, I’m here for you,” he said, and he meant it, even as his stomach dropped at how any of it could possibly get worse. 

She sighed, shoulders slumping. “Then we might as well get dressed and head to the lab. Might as well introduce you to the rest of the family.”

---

Twenty minutes later they hopped on the Metro at Van Ness, both still reeling from the last twenty-four hours. Spencer glanced down at Cassie, who sat pressed into his side, eyes locked on the floor. He could feel her trembling slightly still, feel the tension radiating off of her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer, intertwining their fingers as the train pulled out of the station.

“We don’t have to do this right now, you know,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

“I’d rather get it out of the way.”

He just nodded. 

She hadn’t said much since declared they needed to go to the lab. She hadn’t really looked at him either. She’d seemed only to want to curl in on herself, to make herself as small as possible. 

They got off at Metro Center and walked to the Mall in silence. Cassie paused outside the entrance to the Forensic Anthropology Department and crouched next to the door, dropping her head in his hands.

“Cass—“

“Just—just give me a second,” she said, closing her eyes. He watched as she took several deep, steadying breaths, murmuring something he couldn’t quite make out. Then she stood, face impassive. She didn’t look at him as she pulled out her badge and keyed them in. He followed as she strode down the hall, glancing into the main lab as they passed it, wondering who on earth was blasting electro-pop at eleven in the morning.

As it turned out, it was Ayesh, who spotted them just before they passed by the panel of glass windows. He hopped up from his chair

“Hey! You left your Doolittle CD here, I don’t know if you got my text, I know you caught a case. Also, ‘Where’s-the-Flesh?’ has called for you twice about future consults,” he rattled off, hanging in the doorway. He gave Spencer a little wave and a quick ‘hi’ before turning back to Cassie. “Are you guys working a case?”

“No, just showing Spence some of my research. Do you care if we use 3B?”

“The Hole? Yeah, no, you might as well make it your office.”

“Alright, well, then, just holler if you need me,” she said pulling the door open to 3B. She held the door for him and he crossed inside, sitting on one of the rolling stools as she flicked on the lights. Ayesh hovered, brows furrowed. 

“I have to go to the stacks, I’ll be back,” she said and turned on her heel.

“I’ll help, you’re getting the girls, right?” Ayesh said quickly. She shrugged without breaking her stride. Ayesh was clearly concerned, clearly looking for a way to ask her without Spencer present. He waited until he heard them turn the corner to the stacks and then followed, staying out of sight. Spencer felt bad eavesdropping, but his worry outweighed his guilt.

“Cassie, what’s going on?”

“What—nothing.”

“You look like shit, you’ve clearly been crying, and Spencer barely looks better. Come on, I’m not a profiler, but I know you, I’ve known you for years. I know what something’s up.”

The pronouncement made his stomach drop a little. How many people could see what he’d missed, been missing for months—that she wasn’t okay?

“It’s just—it was a rough case. A really rough case.”

“So you thought it would be a good idea to come here on what I presume is your day off to show Spencer the one case that upsets you more than all the others?”

“It doesn’t—“

“Don’t forget, I stay late too, you know. Just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t see you.”

“I’m—it was just a bad case.”

“What’s going on with you and Spencer?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you get in a fight or something?”

“Just leave it.”

There was a long pause. “Are you off this weekend?”

“Probably, unless I get a call-in.”

“Alright. You’re coming over tomorrow, because I finally got a Wii, and we’re going to make margaritas and play Mario Kart. I’ll text everyone and we’ll have a brains off night, okay? Invite Spencer, or don’t if you need some space, but you’re going to come and hang out.”

“I’m fine, okay?”

“Yeah, and I was fine when you called to drag me to trivia after those two reconstructions came in from Sri Lanka. Okay? I get it, just—come on, it’ll be fun. And if you don’t need some fun now, you’ll need it after going through these.”

“I don’t even know how to play Mario Kart.”

“It’s easy, and we’ll all be drunk anyway. I’ll see you at four.’

“Maybe.”

“You’re annoying, just say yes.”

Spencer ducked back into the examine room at the sound of footsteps, busying himself with a stack of reports on the counter. Cassie and Ayesh entered a minute later, each carrying a large box filled with smaller boxes. Ayesh dropped his on the table, gave Spencer a suspicious look and saluted Cassie before leaving, letting the door click shut behind him. A moment later he heard the boombox in the other room start up again. 

Cassie carefully rooted through the boxes for a moment before pulling out one that was significantly more worn than the others and handing it to him, along with a file. She didn’t say anything as she went back to searching through the boxes. 

He flipped it over to read the label and froze.

Rasmus Orav.

He was holding her dad, or at least part of him. He placed the box carefully on the table before flipping open the file. 

Rasmus Orav, aged 42 years. Male, 6’2”

Born in Narva, Estonia, neé Soviet Union.

COD: Unknown, presumed exsanguination from evidence at the scene. Physical remains consist of C-7 vertebrae. 

DNA Confirmation of identity based on filial sample.

He looked up to find Cassie holding another box, face unreadable. She handed it to him, along with another file.

Konstantyn Lyvychko, aged 53 years. Male, 6’

Born Voron’kiv, Ukraine, neé Soviet Union.

COD: Blunt force trauma caused by claw hammer.

DNA Match based on filial sample, DNA confirmation through granddaughter.

Cassie handed him another file, this one without a box.

Liliya Orav, neé Lyvychko, aged 38 years. Female, 5’10.

Born Voron’kiv, Ukraine, neé Soviet Union.

COD: Unknown, presumed exsanguination from evidence at the scene.

DNA Confirmation of identity based on filial sample.

She hesitated before handing him the last one, making a face. 

Hadeon Lyvychko, age 47. Height approx. 6’

Trace blood evidence found at scene.

DNA Match based on fraternal match, DNA identification through niece.

He looked up at her, ashen-faced, and just stared for a moment. She blew a curl out of her face, reaching out to pick up the box that held her father’s vertebrae almost absently and held it to her chest. 

“Cass—oh god—“

“That’s why I went to Voron’kiv, to exhume my grandfather, because I initially got a match to the DNA in his case. Hadeon most likely beat him to death with a hammer, which is why I only had shards for testing. And even though now I know who killed my parents and all of these poor girls, I can’t find him. It’s like he went completely off the grid at 17.”

“He’s—he’s your uncle.”

“Half-uncle. My grandmother died when my mother was four. But basically, yes,” she said, pulling out another stack of files, this one much thicker than all the others. She set them gently by his elbow, lips still pressed into a thin line. 

“These are the files on the girls, I’ve only been able to positively identify fifteen so far, but it’ll give you an overview. If you can just keep everything in order, it drives me nuts when the results and reports get mixed in together, it takes me forever to find anything then. Um, I’ll just—I’m just going to go see what Ayesh is working on and I should probably check on whatever that guy from Yale wants.”

She set down her father’s box, making sure it was no where near the edge of the table before turning towards the door. He could tell from the pinching between her brows, from the curling of her shoulders, that she was overwhelmed, that she was fighting to keep herself even and neutral. 

“Yeah, okay. Um—hey Cass?”

“Yeah?”

“Can—can you stay over tonight? I just—I need to be able to roll over tonight and know you’re safe.”

She nodded before stepping out, making sure the door clicked shut behind her. 

Cassie had been right—it was worse. Worse because he now entirely understood, to some extent, the guilt and self-loathing  she carried with her, her insistence to push everyone away.

There was so little physical evidence, even though each report was absolutely exhaustive, so little to go on. She couldn’t even determine cause of death because she only ever received the C-7 vertebrae. Still, she’d still managed to identified over half the victims, ran every test under the sun—and seemingly invented a few herself, beyond what she’d presented in her dissertation. Each of the files was meticulously organized to the point of obsession, every lead and result and follow up and disappointment documented

Still, the thing that knocked the wind out of him was the victims she’d managed to identify—she included a picture in each of their files, along with several pages of a biography of sorts. And while the biography was as heartbreaking as it always was for their victims, to know exactly what had been torn away from then, it was the pictures that made him sick.

Pictures of girls that all bore a frightening resemblance to Cassie. The victims covered a spectrum of ages, all within two to three years of however old Cassie was at the time she received the remains. It was like a perverse way of watching her grow up from nine onwards, the resemblance only growing stronger as she grew older. Sure, when he looked closer, he could tell it wasn’t Cassie—they didn’t have freckles, or their eyes were more blue than green, their lips slightly thinner, their hair more tightly curled—but it was only if he looked. At first glance every photo hit him like a kick in the gut, like it was Cassie’s remains being discussed. 

The crimes were obsessive, ritualistic, abhorrent. He couldn’t help but dwell on the psychological impact of receiving the butchered remains of your doppelgängers over and over, year after year, for nearly two decades. 

He finished the last pile and make sure everything was in the correct order before he stacked it neatly on top the boxes. He hesitated before picking up the boxes of her father and grandfather’s remains. He took a deep breath before putting them back into the box. He walked back to the main lab, hesitating outside the door. 

Cassie was on the phone, very obviously irritated, while simultaneously running two PCR’s and going over a report. Ayesh was loading samples into a large centrifuge, dancing to the electro pop that had been mercifully lowered before turning back to a pile of bone shards he was partially through reconstructing.  

“I’m sorry if you felt disrespected by the fact that it took me six days to return your initial call, but frankly I had more important things to do than placate your ego. Yes, well, I could have gotten the same analysis out of a Magic Eight ball. You tell him, I’m sure he’s got nothing better to do than to hear you whine about how rude I am to incompetent ‘professionals’ that waste my time. You can quote me verbatim, that’s Dr. Cassandra Boann, B-O-A-N-N. Alright. We will not be reimbursing you for travel and expenses. That’s correct. Alright, bye-bye.”

Ayesh cackled, looking up from his work. “You think he’ll actually call Dr. Garvey?”

“50-50. He was really mad,” she replied with a hint of amusement. 

“I almost hope he does. Dr. Garvey will tear him a new one, he was so pissed about that consult.”

“You just want the drama.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Hey,” Spencer said, knocking on the doorframe. They both looked up. 

“I forgot how fast you read. I need another ten minutes to finish this run,” Cassie said. Ayesh looked between the two of them as if trying to figure out exactly what was going on. 

“I’m not trying to rush you at all.”

“It’s okay. I kinda want to take off after this. Unless you you want me to help with the reconstruction from Tulsa?” She asked Ayesh. He shook his head.

“I got it, and if I don’t get to it today I’ll bug you on Monday if you’re in. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

She sighed before nodding. “Yeah.” 

Spencer helped her bring the boxes back to the stacks, watched her double check everything before leaving. He pulled her into a hug the moment they stepped outside. There was a moment before she let herself melt into the hug like she usually did, a moment that she held herself apart. Then she buried her face in his sweater. 

“I’m sorry. I know it’s awful, I’m sorry—“

“I’m not, okay? It’s awful, it’s so awful, and you’ve been carrying it yourself for so long, but you’re not alone now. You’re not, okay?”

She didn’t answer, but her grip on his back tightened. 

“How about we head over to yours and pack some stuff, and then we can watch Pride and Prejudice or read or whatever you want. I just—I think we’re both pretty drained and didn’t sleep much and I really would just like to cuddle. And cuddling releases significant levels of oxytocin which reduces stress and anxiety. It also help you sleep better and promotes both heart and immune health.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting a smile. “Okay.”

Previous Next

[aguisss]

A little summary!

Hey guysssss! WELCOMEEEEEE!

NEW DAY, NEW BLOG!!!

Today I will give you a summary of the book I talked about in every blog hahahahah! You need to know the story of it.

First of all, some important information. As I said multiple times, the book is The Catcher In The Rye, written by J.D. Salinger. This book is realistic fiction and narrates the story of the difficult life of a teenager.

The story is about a 16-year-old teenager who was expelled from four schools. In the last one, he failed 4 classes out of 5, and that is why they expelled him. Before leaving, Holden stayed three days at the previous high school he attended. Having an unwanted conversation with his history teacher, Mr. Spencer, and because of problems he had with his roommate, Stradlater, about dating the same girl as him, Holden went to his hometown, Manhattan, earlier. The protagonist also had a neighbor, Ackley, who Holden didn't like very much, so there was no reason to stay. Upon arriving in Manhattan, he dedicated himself to meeting many people. First, Holden wanted to be with prostitutes, which didn't work out. Then he made a date with Sally, but it didn't work out either. He tried to call Jane, his old love, but it didn't work out. Holden went to a bar where he met some of his brother's ex-girlfriend. In another oportunity, he met Carl Luce, one of his old friends from schools from before, but their conversation could have been better. After the bar, he went to the central park to see the ducks and try to understand what did ducks do when winter came, as the lagoon freezes. When he got his answer, he visited his sister, Phoebe. Holden confessed to her that he was kicked out of four schools and wanted to be a catcher in the rye to help children with mental problems. His sister finds that he has never enjoyed anything. Holden decides to go to the house of one of his English teachers, Mr. Antonelli. Still, he feels very uncomfortable thinking his old teacher is a pervert for touching his head. He left quickly and stayed to sleep on a park bench. The book ends with Holden inviting his sister to meet and have a day together by going to the zoo and carousel. She wants to go live with him, but he confesses that he can't because he is trying to have a better life. Holden refers to checking into a medical facility to treat his depression and mental health.

I will be honest with you, this book has a lot of strengths. It talks about many good themes that apply each day of our lives, especially adolescents. We, adolescents, are sometimes afraid of change and like things to be like they already are. The same with the ducks in the lagoon and the museum in the book. Also, the painfulness of growing up. The stage of adolescence is really difficult. We are immature kids trying to understand what an adult is. We look for our personality, see what is wrong and right, and find a balance. Not everything is black or white; there is gray in life. So this book teaches us, especially adolescents, how difficult it can be, but there is always a solution. Another strength of this book is how entertaining it is. The narrator is the protagonist and uses a stream of consciousness, an uncommon writting style. It may be challenging to understand sometimes, but this book is clear and easy read it. Thanks to the stream of consciousness and the protagonist being the narrator, you can understand even more what is going through his head, his personality, issues, etc. With all this information, you know why every situation in the book happens. For example, when Mr. Antonelli touches Holden's head and he feels uncomfortable, you understand the protagonist feels uncomfortable with people with little confidence. On the other hand, he feels confident with his sister by telling her he failed school and wants to be a catcher in the rye. So yes, this book is cool!

As there are strengths, there are also weaknesses. To be honest, there is only one weakness. The book is really slow. If you read it, you will think the story lasts more than 1 month, but it is actually two days. It is good to be detailed and everything, but it happens a lot in only two days, so u think the book goes fast but actually, no. For example, the night Holden says goodbye to Mr. Spencer is the same night he receives a punch and arrives to Manhattan. That is the only weakness.

This book is amazing. All of the characters are different and have characteristics that make them unique. For example, Mr.Spencer saw a good side of Holden and wanted to say goodbye to him, even though he failed history class. He had the patience to talk with Holden about how his future would be if he didn't make an effort, even though Holden had left. Another example is Phoebe, his little sister. She was an innocent girl, but what characterized her was her honesty in telling Holden how he never cared for anything. At the same time, this little girl transmitted confidence to his brother, as she was the first person Holden told about his expulsion and wanting to be a catcher in the rye. Also, the book has great themes you can apply to life. For example, fitting into society. Everybody criticized Holden for not making an effort at school to not have a good academic status and looked at him as a conflicted person who actually he needed help. For example, his old friend, Carl Luce, referred to him as an immature boy. The last reason this book is really good is that it talks about many themes, topics, and symbols that have a meaning related to life. On more than one occasion, Holden's situation may be a situation from a teenager in real life. For example, being kicked out of school many times and failing classes is something any kid can go through, and there is always a reason behind it. Ducks are an excellent example of life and change if we talk about symbols. We need changes to look for balance; that is what life is about. To conclude, I liked this book because it talks about many things a teenager can be going through, which is a challenging stage. But at the same time, teenagers can take lessons from it.

I know this reflection is long, but I needed to tell u guys! Hope u like it!

xoxo

[usetheeauthor]

Updated Masterlist (+18)

A/N: Hey, readers! You can call me Use or Honey! As a novice fanfiction writer, I ask that you please have patience with me. I’m not a fast writer and I have lots of responsibilities that will delay my writing but I’m still dedicated to giving you all the best of content. I’m growing everyday with my writing so I’m always looking for room for improvement. Either way, I appreciate the love and support I’ve received. Thank you so very much! ❤️

Started: 06/07/2022

Last Updated: 07/26/2023

Latest Work(s): Made With Love (Eddie x Plus!Reader)

Total Works: 55

⚡= Angst

☁️= Fluff

🌩️= Angst/Fluff

🌧️= Fluff/Smut

⛈️= Angst/Fluff/Smut

💦= Smut

💧= Implied Smut

⚠️= DARK

📥 = Requests

🚫= On Hold

🛑= Permanent Hiatus

✅ = Completed Series

🔥= Popular (1k & up notes)

➽───────────────❥

Stranger Things

Henry Creel/Peter Ballard/001

IMAGINE

Peter being vocal during sexy times 💦

ANGST

Where Do We Go From Here 📥 ⚡️

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Love, Papa ⚠️⛈️

***Vecna

The Nightmare on Hawkins Street 📥⚠️💦🔥

The Nightmare on Hawkins Street 2 📥⚠️💦

Eddie Munson

IMAGINE

Innocent!Newkid!Eddie inviting you over 💧

Eddie helping with skin care routine ☁️

ANGST

FLUFF

I loved You First 1 🌩️

Made With Love ☁️

SMUT

The Elf Princess & Her Beloved 🌧📥

“Come Again?” 💦📥🔥

Eddie Had A Little Lamb 💦📥

Wrap It Up! 💦📥🔥

You’re Not The Boss Of Me 💦

SERIES

The Satanic Panic ⛈🚫

Cruel Little Vixen ⛈ 🔥

Steve Harrington

IMAGINE

Scoops Ahoy Steve doll comes to life ☁️💧

ANGST

Play Side A ⚡️💦

FLUFF

Too Quiet ☁️

SMUT

I Thought I’d Lose You 🌧

Play Side B ⚡️💦

SERIES

Montagues and Capulets ⛈🛑

Steddie x Reader

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

The Final Girl 💦⚡️⚠️ 🔥

SERIES

Jim Hopper

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Murray Bauman

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

Just Share The Damn Bed 💦⚠️

Let Me Show You 🌧

Daisy Dukes 💦

SERIES

Jonathan Byers

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes Pt. 1 ⚠️💦⚡️

We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes Pt. 2 ⚠️💦⚡️

SERIES

Argyle

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Billy Hargrove

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

This Isn’t You ⚠️⚡️💦🔥

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

Moon Knight 

Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockley

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

Adeline’s Hex 💦

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

OTHER MARVEL FANDOMS

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Steven Grant “Steve” Rogers

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Stucky x Reader

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

Breakfast In Bed ☁️💧

SMUT

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

OUTER BANKS

Topper Thornton

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

The Jezebel ⚠️💦

Everything Has Changed⚡️💦

SERIES

Rafe Cameron

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

JJ Mayback

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid 

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

Alice In Borderland

Arisu Ryohei

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

I’d Stop The World ⛈️🔥

Video Games 💦🔥

I Still Get Jealous ⛈️📥

SERIES

Chishiya Shuntaro

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

TOM FELTON CHARACTERS

Draco Malfoy

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

SERIES

Dr. Julian Albert

IMAGINE

ANGST

FLUFF

SMUT

I’ll Make You Pay ⚠️💦⚡️

SERIES

➽───────────────❥

OTHER FANDOMS

I Know What You Did Last Weekend (Battinson x Kravitz!Selina Kyle x Plus!Reader) ⚠️💦

How To Be King (Viserys Targaryen III x Plus!Reader) ⛈️

Run With Me (Ser Criston Cole x Virgin!Targaryen!Reader) ⛈️

When A Stranger Knocks At Your Door…(“Doctor”Enmu x NurseNun!Reader ⚠️💦

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Me & You & Everyone We Know | Chapter 1 | S.R

My moodboard

Next Chapter

A/N - this includes part of the sneak peak but it’s been heavily edited since and some more content. Chapter title and lyrics are from a song by Neil Young. Happy belated Father’s Day, Dad Spencer!

Chapter Summary - Spencer is struggling to adjust to his life as a single dad after his divorce. Dating was the furthest thing from him mind. That is until he meets the new TA at Georgetown.

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut in later chapters.

Content Warnings - mentions of one night stands, unplanned pregnancies, talk of cheating, divorce, heavy drinking.

Word Count - 4.4K

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1 - Out on the Weekend

See the lonely boy, out on the weekend,

Trying to make it pay.

Can't relate to joy, he tries to speak and,

Can't begin to say. 

Spencer Reid thought that nothing in life could be as challenging as being an FBI Agent. 

He’d chosen one of the hardest and scariest professions to dedicate his life to and he loved it, but it wasn’t without its hardships.

Facing down unsubs, having guns drawn on him, and being held hostage on multiple occasions had to be the most arduous thing he would encounter in his life, surely? 

Being a child prodigy had its difficulties. Being the youngest kid in high school and college and then grad school wasn’t without its obstacles. 

The FBI had been one challenge after another but Spencer loved it. He loved it despite his lack of physical prowess and the times he had to end lives to save the lives of others. 

It made him feel like he was contributing. Every time they arrested an unsub and tidied up another dark corner of the world, he felt accomplished. 

But it was demanding. It took a lot out of him, chipped away a little more of him each time they couldn’t save someone. He let it bear down on his soul. 

But it was how he’d chosen to use his genius. He was aiding people. He was making a difference. 

Sometimes it just felt like he wasn’t helping enough. The cases they didn’t close, the ones who got away, stayed with him. 

But at least his work with the BAU was the most complicated thing he would ever face. 

Or so he thought. But even a genius could be wrong on occasion. 

And that was proven a few weeks shy of his thirtieth birthday when he’d had his very first one night stand. At least that’s what it was supposed to be. 

It had been Morgan’s idea. Spencer was happy just having a few drinks with his best friend but Morgan had been playing the unwanted wingman from the moment they’d stepped into the bar. Despite Spencer’s protests. 

“When was the last time you got some good loving?” He’d prodded Spencer, causing him to blush. 

“That’s none of your business.” It had been a long time, too long if truth be told. 

If Spencer was honest with himself, he was touch starved. Maybe some good loving as Morgan put it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

Maybe he hadn’t protested quite as hard as he once would have had. It was possible he didn’t hate the idea of taking someone home, of having one night where wasn’t alone in his bed. 

“What about her? She’s your type, pretty boy.” 

He’d glanced over in the direction Morgan was nodding his head and when his eyes landed on the woman Morgan eyeing up, and Spencer was instantly smitten. 

Morgan wasn’t wrong. She was his type to a tee. 

Spencer hadn’t responded, instead just stared across the bar at her and Morgan knew his pretty boy would need a push in the right direction. 

Before Spencer knew what was happening, Morgan was all but dragging him over to the woman and introducing them. 

They talked for hours. They had a surprising amount in common and Spencer smiled more that night than he had in a long time. 

She was beautiful and fascinating and the night had ended with Spencer taking her home and having more sex than he’d probably ever had in his life. 

The next day Morgan tried to goad details out of him but Spencer stayed tight lipped. He wanted to preserve the memory of his night spent with her just for himself. 

He might have thanked Morgan for his instance of talking to her. Might have. It wasn’t for the fact that several weeks later she had called him out of the blue and dropped a bomb shell. 

“Spencer, I don’t really know how to say this other than to just come out with.” There was a long pause on the phone and then she spoke the sentence that changed his whole life. “I’m pregnant.” 

Spencer could still remember to this day the way the air felt like it had been forcibly removed from his lungs from a single sentence. 

His vision had blurred and his hand clutching the phone went limp and he’d almost dropped it. 

All of him had gone limp. The woman he’d had a one night stand with, a woman he never expected to see again was pregnant. 

He’d gotten a complete stranger pregnant. 

The walls felt as though they started closing in as he sat in silence and processed her words. 

This couldn’t be happening. He’d always wanted to be a dad, but not like this. Not after one night spent with a woman he barely knew. 

He was supposed to be married to the love of his life and when the time was right they would plan to have a baby. Spencer planned everything. Spencer did not like surprises. He did not like to be blind sided. 

But she made it clear she was going to keep the baby regardless of whether he was a part of their life or not. And Spencer was a good man, his mother raised him so. So Spencer did the admirable thing. 

He married her. 

Spencer Reid married Maeve Donovan, a woman he hardly knew anything about when she was four months pregnant with his child. 

It was a simple affair at City Hall, only the BAU members in attendance. Spencer wore a suit from his closet and Maeve wore a white summer dress. 

Fall leaves lined the path outside City Hall and crunched under foot as they left hand in hand in matching wedding bands. 

Doctor and Mrs Reid and their future child. 

And if Spencer thought working at the BAU was the hardest thing he’d ever done, it was nothing compared working at the BAU and being a father.

At least before after a hard case he could crawl home and hide under his duvet and recuperate. He could shut himself off from the world for a few hours and just feel the weight of whatever case they had worked. 

But now his apartment wasn’t solitary. He had a wife and newborn daughter to come home to. There was no peace for him anymore. There was no alone time. Spencer was never alone. 

It was funny really that he’d hated being alone all these years but now he couldn’t be, he missed it. The irony wasn’t lost on Spencer. 

But Daisy Diana Reid was the absolute light of his life. The first moment he held his daughter in his arms he had cried against her soft fuzzy hair and he knew he would die for her. 

Standing in the hospital room, cradling her, he’d whispered against her tiny ear, “I promise I will love you forever.” 

He wished the same could have been said about her mother. 

He liked Maeve, of course he did. She was beautiful and smart and she was an amazing mother. 

If they’d met under different circumstances or if she hadn’t fallen pregnant he was sure things would have been different. Maeve was the kind of woman he could fall in love with. But fate had dictated he never got that chance. 

Their forced family had governed that they never found out what could have actually been. 

He wanted to be in love with her. He wanted to be in love with the mother of his child. But he knew with startling clarity when Daisy was born, he never would be. 

Juggling having a child and working at the BAU was completely exhausting. He never had a moment to just breathe. He was always on. He was either an agent or a dad, never just Spencer anymore. 

Honestly, Spencer didn’t know how Hotch and JJ made it look so easy. He kind of hated them for making it seem so effortless. 

But the long days and the excruciating cases were worth it in the end to see his daughter's beautiful smile when he came home. 

For five years things carried on this way. Spencer got a handle on his work-life balance and he started to feel like he’d finally gotten a grip on things. 

But once again, fate intervened. 

The air didn’t quite escape his lungs this time like it had the first time Maeve had dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant. 

Maeve always talked about having a second child, she thought a little brother or sister for Daisy was just what they needed. 

And although he loved Daisy, he really wasn’t sure he could handle another. 

But they hadn’t been actively trying. Spencer wasn’t ready for a second child, one was hard enough with his job and he didn’t think they were ready for a second. 

And since the shock of getting a woman he barely knew pregnant, Spencer had been vigil with his use of condoms. 

Except that one time on Garcia’s birthday a month or so prior when he and Maeve had gotten a sitter for Daisy and really let loose. 

They’d both drunk a lot that night and it stood to reason that in their states, contraceptives had been the last thing on either of their minds. 

So a little after Daisy’s sixth birthday, Maeve gave birth to her little sister Lily Mae. And once again the first time Spencer held her, he knew he would die for her. 

His two girls were his whole world. But having two children and a demanding job became way too much for Spencer. So somewhat reluctantly, he quit the BAU and started teaching. 

Leaving the BAU was one of the hardest decisions Spencer had ever made. Sure it was draining but he loved his job with a passion. 

But he loved his kids more. He’d missed a lot of Daisy’s life while he was away on cases and he didn’t want to make that mistake a second time around. 

But he never imagined he would be here. Teaching was something he’d always thought about doing, but not until much later in life once he retired from the FBI. Not at thirty seven.

However it allowed him to work more regular hours and spend precious time with his beautiful daughters. It was worth it to be able to read them bedtime stories and do the school run. 

But he missed the BAU with every beat of his heart. And he knew he always would. 

They moved to a bigger house in the suburbs to accommodate their growing family and Spencer thought he was at least something akin to happy. 

He grew to love Maeve, in a way, or maybe he just grew comfortable with her. He loved her because she gave him the two greatest gifts of his life. He loved her, because without her Daisy and Lily wouldn’t exist. 

He loved her because he loved his daughters. But he wasn’t in love with her. 

They did make a great team. They balanced each other out like a well calibrated set of scales. 

Maeve was the strict parent whilst the girls had Spencer wrapped around their little fingers. They learnt at an early age how they only had to give him a certain look and he would offer them the world on a silver platter. 

He was content. Parenthood was hard but he had Maeve to fall back on. It wasn’t exactly how he saw his life playing out but he’d resigned himself to it. 

Over the years as the girls grew older, Spencer finally started to believe he might actually be in love with his wife. 

They had fun together. Maeve made him laugh and she was fascinating to talk to. And admittedly their sex life was incredible, even after all those years of marriage. 

She was Spencer’s best friend. He supposed she was the love of his life considering he didn’t really have anything to compare it to. He could picture growing old with her while their kids had their own families. He could imagine them reminiscing about their life together in years to come. 

He could see them on a porch swing at seventy years old wrapped up in blankets and sipping hot cocoa. He’d read Arthur Conan Doyle to her while she laid her head on his shoulder. 

Maybe that’s all love was. Maybe love was as simple as being comfortable with someone and being content. It was possible he’d built up expectations in his mind of what he thought love would be like. Perhaps what he and Maeve had was real love. 

And just when Spencer thought all the hardships in his life had passed, just as he’d grown accustomed to his life and gotten comfortable with the way things were, Maeve dropped one final bombshell. 

And this one forced the air from his lungs in an entirely different way than finding out she was pregnant. 

Daisy was twelve and Lily was six the day Maeve came home in tears and told Spencer she couldn’t lie to him anymore. 

She proceeded to sob as she regaled him with the story of her three year long affair. She shared every single sordid detail of how she met the man named Bobby and had a few too many drinks before falling into his bed. 

She re-enacted every moment of her infidelity including the part where she fell in love with Bobby.

Spencer felt his life flash before his eyes. He saw every moment of their relationship before him, as he listened to her recount her affair. 

He’d tried so hard to love her for the sake of his kids. He’d been nothing but the perfect husband to her and this was how she’d repaid him? 

He felt like a complete idiot. 

Maeve had finished by telling Spencer she still loved him. She told him she didn’t want their marriage to be over. 

Spencer’s response was to tell her to go to hell. 

There was no talking about it. There was no discussion of where they went from here. To Spencer there was only one way this ended and it was not up for debate. 

So now a year after the fateful day that destroyed life as he knew it, Spencer was facing his hardest challenge ever: single parenthood. 

Maeve moved out of their family home the very day she’d disclosed her affair at Spencer’s insistence. She’d tried to convince him to work on things, to at least talk to her. 

But Spencer was done. He kicked her out and had barely said two words to her since. 

The divorce papers were finalised a few months ago. 

Hotch had some old contacts from his days as a prosecutor which helped Spencer gainprimary custody of the girls and they spent every other weekend with their adulterous bitch of a mother. 

Spencer stayed in their family home, and Maeve moved in with Bobby. 

He had to cut his hours at work to be there for the girls. Daisy who was now thirteen understood more of what was going on than seven year old Lily who kept asking why mommy didn’t live with them anymore. 

Life was intrinsically unfair. It was one thing for Maeve to hurt him, but another entirely for her to hurt their daughters. 

Picking up the pieces in the wake of his wife’s betrayal was the biggest challenge of Spencer’s life. Because it wasn’t just his pieces that needed picking up, it was Daisy and Lily’s too. 

Some days Spencer barely held it together for himself, let alone them. On some weekends they spent with that cheating whore he would spend forty eight hours with several bottles of scotch and his couch. 

Sometimes he’d go out. Sometimes he’d call up Luke or Matt or Emily and go to a bar and get blind drunk and stare at the tan mark where his wedding ring had sat for thirteen long years. 

Some weekends he didn’t even get out of bed. 

But without fail, once his daughters were back in his care, Spencer put everything aside for them. He plastered on a smile, he cooked dinner and asked about their days. He drove them to and from school and read to them and played with their toys with them. 

If Spencer Reid knew one thing to be true it was this: he was a great dad. He put his all into giving his angels everything they could possibly need. He showered them with love and adoration. He taught them everything he knew. He made sure they would grow up to be better women than their skank of a mother. 

But when they weren’t around, he crumbled. 

That’s not to say he was necessarily heartbroken. He’d never loved Maeve the way he should have. But he’d been comfortable, he’d had a stable life he’d grown accustomed to and Maeve threw it all away for some man named Bobby. 

Thirteen years of marriage, two beautiful daughters and a large home in the Virginia suburbs weren’t enough for her. He wasn’t enough for her. 

Spencer had been abandoned one too many times before for this not to rip him apart from the inside. 

He’d spent years trying to love Maeve for the sake of Daisy and then later for Lily too. He’d put his all into a relationship he’d never really wanted in the first place. 

He’d wasted all these years trying because he knew Maeve loved him. He did it for her. Only for her to throw it back in his face. 

It made him feel like a fool, and no one made Spencer feel a fool. 

But he held it together. He kept his anger and his sadness bottled up for the sake of his daughters who didn’t deserve any of this. 

And that was how, at forty four years old, Spencer found himself a single divorced dad. 

***

It was nearing the end of winter and the cold days and bitter nights were expected to pass soon.

Gloves and hats had been left behind in the previous weeks but Spencer still ensured he wrapped his girls up in their winter coats and scarfs before they left the house. 

He dropped Daisy and Lily off at school like he did every morning, stopped by his favourite coffee shop for his morning fix and then drove to Georgetown for his morning class. 

The girls had been at their moms for the weekend and if truth be told, Spencer was still feeling a little worse for wear after his weekend of binge drinking. 

He wasn’t as young as he used to be, he didn’t bounce back as quickly as he would have once had. 

Luke and Matt had taken him out, slightly against his will. He would have much preferred to stay home and drink alone but when the two men had arrived on his doorstep, it made it harder to decline. 

His old team members kept telling him he needed to move on. They told him needed to get back out there and meet someone if he ever wanted to be happy. 

But dating was the last thing on Spencer’s mind. Dating had always been difficult for Spencer but now with two kids it was neigh on impossible. 

He had too much else on his mind to bother with dating. Luke and Matt had reluctantly let it slide. 

The coffee in his hand aided in keeping him warm as he strolled across campus and also went some way to stemming his hangover. 

He tugged the lopsided purple scarf tighter around his neck as he fought against a soft breeze. 

The trees lining the path were still bare, looking somewhat baron this time of year. He looked forward to spring when all the flowers on campus came alive again, filling the otherwise drab courtyard with bursts of colour. 

The path ahead of him was clear and it looked like he might make a clean break to his office without any students asking for assistance on last week's lecture. 

He lifted the coffee to his lips again and relished in the way the liquid warmed him from the inside out. When he lowered his cup, he noticed someone now stood in the middle of the path ahead, effectively blocking his way. 

The person was facing away from him, something in their hands garnering their attention. A large navy overcoat hung around their frame, almost coming down to touch the floor. 

As he approached he realised there was no way around this person without walking across the grass and the groundskeepers frowned upon that. 

The figure didn’t even seem to realise they were in anyone's way, or even hear him coming. 

“Uh…” Spencer cleared his throat. “You’re kinda blocking the path.” 

Your eyes suddenly snapped up from the paper clutched in your hands and you spun to look at him, slightly wide eyed. 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” You brought the paper to your chest, a look of shock on your features. “I’m lost, if you couldn’t tell.” 

In his entire life, Spencer had never felt his world stop turning the way it did when he looked at you for the very first time. 

You had a smile that could bring a thousand men to their knees. Your eyes sparkled as if they held all the stars in the sky. 

The last time Spencer felt the air leave his lungs like this was when a woman he’d had a one night stand with told him she was pregnant. 

But this time he was breathless for completely different reasons. 

He watched you tuck the piece of paper inside your purse that hung from your shoulder. He willed himself to speak, to say anything as opposed to standing and staring dumbly. 

“Uh…” he swallowed. “Where are you trying to go?l

“Do you work here?” You smiled sweetly at him, toying with the strap of your bag. 

“Uh yeah.” Spencer nodded, feeling as though his IQ had been completely slashed just by looking into your eyes. 

“Oh great!” You bounced on the balls of your feet. “It’s my first day. I’m trying to find Professor Monroe’s office but this place is so…huge.” 

A breeze fluttered past and he watched the way it caused strands of your hair to dance. He tried to ignore the effect such a simple action had on him. 

“Oh, sure.” Spencer nodded. “He’s over in the psychology building. I’m heading there myself, I can show you?” 

“That would be great.” You nodded, waiting for him to lead the way. 

He started walking again in the direction of the psychology building and you fell into step with him. Your heeled boots clicked against the concrete as you strolled together and Spencer found the sound oddly comforting. 

You fell into silence and Spencer wanted to talk to you, about everything and nothing, but he found himself at a loss for words. 

When he’d first laid eyes on Maeve all those years ago across the crowded bar, he thought she was beautiful, but he wasn’t floored by her. 

Conversation had come easy with her but that was probably only because he didn’t feel so tongue tied around her. 

She hadn’t knocked him for six the way you had, causing his brain to short circuit and effectively shut down. 

His reaction to seeing you for the first time was how Spencer always pictured great love stories to begin. 

He was nervous and his palms were sweating even though it wasn’t warm. His heart was racing more than it had a right to, and it only got worse when he saw you glancing at him as you walked. 

You made him feel dumbstruck, causing his usually impressive brain to become a ball of cotton wool. He’d never in his life felt this way before. 

“What do you teach?” You suddenly asked him, snapping him out of his daze. 

Your words felt as though they waltzed to his ears, wrapping him in a warmth DC hadn’t seen for months. 

“Criminal Psychology.” He heard the way his voice cracked, he hoped you didn’t notice. “You’re a bit late in the year to be joining a class aren’t you?” 

You giggled and the sound sent shockwaves through Spencer’s body. It was a sound of hope, of freedom; a sound that ignited something in Spencer he thought had long ago died. 

“I’m not a student, although I’m flattered that you think so.” 

“No?” Spencer raised an eyebrow at you. 

“No, I’m a TA. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to come up here for a while and thankfully I was top of the list when his last TA left suddenly.” 

You reached the psychology building and Spencer held the door open for you. 

You smiled in thanks as you brushed past him inside and he caught the scent of your hair. 

“He’s a really good professor.” Spencer mused out loud as you walked the corridor together. 

“Yes, I’m excited to work with him.” 

Spencer came to a stop outside Monroe’s office and motioned to the door. 

“This is him.” The plaquared on the door stating his name should have been enough to suggest that but thankfully you didn’t point that out. 

“Thank you so much. The last thing I needed was to be late on my first day.” 

“You’re very welcome.” Spencer felt a knot forming in his stomach at the thought of saying goodbye to you so soon. 

And by the way you hovered in the corridor he wondered if you felt it too. 

“I’m Y/N by the way. Y/N Y/L/N.” You offered him a slightly awkward wave. 

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.” 

“Oh I know who you are.” Your lip turned up at the corner. “Doctor Spencer Reid, former BAU Agent.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened slightly as he gave you a curious look. 

“I…uh…should I be scared?” He scratched the back of his neck. 

“I’m just…a fan.” You shrugged. “Your thesis on Identifying Non-Obvious Relationship Factors Using Cluster Weighted Modelling and Geographic Regression was fascinating.” 

Spencer felt himself blushing, never one to take compliments. 

“I wrote that when I was at CalTech. You couldn’t have even been born.” 

Again you shrugged and your eyes twinkled in that way that left Spencer speechless.

“It was nice to finally meet you, Doctor Reid.” You clutched the door handle behind you. “Hopefully I’ll see you around.” 

“I really hope so.” He admitted. 

He watched you open the door and continued to stay vigil until you disappeared behind it. 

His heart was yet to return to a normal rhythm even after you were out of sight. 

His hangover was a long forgotten memory and for the first time in years, Spencer felt alive again. 

Taglist -

Series Taglist -

@foxy-eva @kbakery @chrissyflo3 @simxican @aysixdy

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @sexy-dumpster-fire @thebloomingeagle @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse @ssa-uglywhore27

SR x reader -

@dreatine @adoringanakin @dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow @lytrc @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @dielgonacoffee @hotchandspencearedilfs

[writer-in-theory]

To Run From It All Masterlist (Spencer Reid x Reader)

(images do not depict the appearance of the reader)

a/n: did literally anyone ask for this? no. am i doing it anyway? hell yeah. so i was planning out this oneshot, and it sorta took on a life of its own. somehow the oneshot became a miniseries, but i love this idea so much that i couldn't bear to try and condense it again. so here we are. i'm so so excited about it, and i hope you enjoy it as much as i've enjoyed writing it.

summary: on paper, spencer and reader are complete opposites. a man who joined the highest levels of law enforcement right out of school, and a woman who dedicates her life to fighting against injustice in the system. in reality, they're perfect complements for each other.

when the politician reader has been most outspoken against dies mysteriously, there's pressure on the bau to find the suspect. the obvious choice: the woman who's "trying to corrupt" their sweet boy genius.

it's up to reader and spencer to prove she's been set up before it's too late.

category: angst with happy ending, hurt/comfort

pairings: spencer reid x fem!reader

series warnings: due to suggestive scenes and the topics covered, this series is 16+, discussions of protests (will be environment-related), murder (mentioned, not described), violence (canon typical), political corruption, false accusations by law enforcement (as in the BAU), language, there might be more added later

masterlist

send me a request!

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

“Darling, let's run like we'd run from the law...

Part One: I'd Drive Away

Spencer is finally ready to introduce his girlfriend to his family. Instead of a warm welcome, they arrest her.

Part Two: Before I Let You Go

With the threat of a murder charge, Spencer must help Reader prove her theory that she's being set up before it's too late.

Part Three: Darling, Let's Run

As time is running out, Spencer and Reader have a choice to make.

Part Four: And Don't Say No

Is it too late for Spencer and Reader?

Epilogue: The Note From The Locket

The aftermath.

...We can go when they're trying to chase us, go where no one else is, run.”

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

General Taglist:

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Reid From The Vault:

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[natashasfilms]

Chapter One - Extreme Aggressor

Summary: FBI agent Leila faces a profound life change after giving birth to a baby girl, supported by her loving husband. Despite the challenges of motherhood, Leila returns to her role as a dedicated agent a few months later, ready to confront gruesome and haunting cases with the BAU team.

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death. All the usual Criminal Minds stuff. And there is NO CHEATING.

Note 1: I imagine Leila Kade as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don't see her as South Asian, then that's fine. It won't affect the storyline. I also imagine the OC!Male as South Asian, but again, it won't affect the storyline.

Note 2: The team will consist of the main cast (Emily, Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron, and Rossi) but will also include Elle Greenaway and Jason Gideon because they were some of my favorite characters and I wanted to include them with the rest of the team. Basically, Elle and Gideon never leave when Emily and Rossi join.

Note 3: There will be multiple time skips throughout this series. For example, the first chapter will begin on the first season and episode of the show but then there will be a time skip to later episodes (because there are obviously way too many episodes to write this series on and I wanted to include specific episodes that would help the plot of this story). This means that this series will be a slow burn romance but I believe it to be better this way. This will also stray from the actual show a lot, so don't expect it to follow the plot precisely.

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 1

With a soft thud against the bed, Leila started giggling as she felt her husband's lips attack her neck. "Zaid." She gasped, tugging at his hair. "Slow down."

He chuckled in return, the vibration of his mouth sending chills down her body. "We haven't been able to have some time alone in so long, honey." He responded, only stopping his movements for a second to look down at her. "I love you."

Leila's eyes softened and she rubbed his cheek. "I love you, too." Then, she immediately smashed her lips against his, roughly, bringing his weight down on top of her. Leila and Zaid continued their heated embrace, their passion growing with each passing moment. However, their moment of intimacy was interrupted by the ringing of Leila's phone.

At first, they ignored it, hoping that whoever was calling would leave a message. But when the phone started ringing for the second time, Leila let out a frustrated sigh and reluctantly pulled away from Zaid, reaching for her phone.

"Sorry." She mouthed out, giving Zaid an apologetic look as she answered the call. "Agent Kade." She sighed, hearing the news about a new case on the other side of the line. "Alright, I'll be there."

As soon as the call ended, Leila let out another sigh and tossed her phone onto the nightstand. She looked back at Zaid who was now sitting at the edge of the bed, giving her a sad smile. "Sorry about that." She said to Zaid, crawling back into his arms.

"It's fine." He replied, pulling her close, though she knew that it wasn't fine. "We'll just have to make up for lost time another day." He pecked her lips. "It's what we get for having a job as a detective and an FBI agent, huh?"

She gave him a small smile before standing up. As Zaid stood up, the sound of a baby crying started to echo throughout the house. He quickly left the room, leaving Leila to change into more professional clothes as Zaid returned with a small human in his arms.

Leila's lips turned up, walking over to her two favorite people in the entire world. She reached out her arms to carry their three-month old baby, the little girl automatically stopping her crying as she was finally in her mother's arms. "Hi, baby." Leila softly spoke, kissing her forehead. "Mommy has to go to work."

Zaid smiled, his eyes full of love as he watched his two girls in front of him. He gave them both a kiss on the top of their heads, allowing Leila to lean against his embrace. He took their daughter, Jasmine, from Leila's arms, slowly rocking her as she started to cry again. "Hey, shhh…it's okay. Daddy's here, alright?"

Leila frowned, hating to leave them both behind again. She was on maternity leave for two months but now she had to return back to work. Sometimes, all she wished she could do was stay with her family. She loved her job as an FBI agent, but it caused her to almost never be home. Zaid was a detective so he wasn't always home either, however, he traveled less than Leila.

Finally kissing them both goodbye and grabbing her go-bag, she rushed out of their house. She got into her car and quickly drove to her destination.

Getting out of her car, she sees Aaron Hotchner waiting for her halfway on her walk to the building. "Did you talk to Gideon yet?" Leila asked, walking alongside him.

"Reid is getting him from his lecture at the moment." Aaron replied, holding the door open for her as they both entered the building. "Morgan's waiting for us."

Leila nodded and she immediately saw Derek walking towards them. "Hey, sweetheart. You don't look so happy." Derek teased, turning around to walk besides her. "Plans ruined?"

Leila chuckled, shaking her head. "Thought I was free until a certain phone call ruined my fun night."

Derek hummed. "Zaid and little Jas doing alright?"

"They're doing good." Leila answered, the thought of her husband and daughter bringing a smile onto her lips.

They walked into a room where they saw Reid and Gideon. "You're gonna be with us in Seattle ASAP." Aaron told Gideon, rummaging through the file in his hands. Gideon looked up and paused, before walking towards them.

Derek handed him a photo of the woman who was currently missing. "22-year-old, Heather Woodland."

"Before she left for lunch, she downloaded an email with a time-delayed virus attached. The killer's virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen." Aaron continued, giving Gideon another photo of the message that the killer left.

Leila grabbed the file from Aaron's hands before looking through it herself, despite already knowing the information soon after she got the call for the case. "The killer doesn't keep his victims for more than seven days so that means we have less than thirty-six hours to find her before she's gone." Leila told Gideon.

"They want you back in the saddle." Derek added. "You ready?"

"Looks like medical leave is over, boss." Reid piped up.

Gideon looked at all four of them, unsure of what to say next. "You sure they want me?"

Aaron nodded his head. "The order came from the director."

"It's finally time to come back." Leila said.

Gideon nodded his head before turning around to look at the photo on the wall of the evidence. "Well, we'd better get started."

Leila smirked, having been waiting for Gideon to come back after months. She knew what he had gone through was traumatic but she waited for the day he would finally return to the BAU, and now the time has come.

They drove in the SUV's that were provided for them to their private jet. They all stepped onto the plane, sitting down in a seat before they conversed more on the case.

As the plane took off, the team settled in for the flight to Seattle, each lost in their own thoughts about the case. The clock was ticking, and they all knew that time was running out to find Heather Woodland before it was too late.

Once they reached the Seattle police station, they all settled in. Aaron introduced themselves to the authorities at the station, and they finally began their case.

Leila went along with Aaron and Spencer to visit Heather's house, where she lived with her brother, David. They walked inside and the dog started barking at Spencer, causing the younger man to flinch and step back. Leila and Aaron laughed, watching as Spencer situated himself.

"Sandy, no, no, no." David said, backing up his dog. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay," Aaron chuckled. "It's what we call the Reid effect. Happens with children too." Leila laughed as Aaron spoke, poking Spencer in his bicep. "I'm Agent Hotchner, and this is Agent Kade, and Special Agent Doctor Reid."

The man looked over Spencer, raising an eyebrow. "You look too young to have gone to medical school."

"They're PhD's. 3 of them." Spencer responded, walking to a new spot by the window.

"Are you a genius or something?" David asked.

Spencer began to speak and Leila internally chuckled. "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified but I do have an I.Q. of 187 and an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute-" David gave him a look. "Yes, I'm a genius."

Leila began to search the room, her eyes landing on a couple magazines on a table nearby. As Aaron and Spencer continued to talk to Heather's brother, she saw a specific magazine that piqued her interest. "David, does your sister drive a Datsun Z?" She asked, turning her head to look back at him.

"No, but she's in the market for one. How'd you know?" He questioned. Leila picked up the magazine to show all three men, Aaron and Spencer walking over to her to examine the magazine. David took Sandy to another room, leaving the three agents to look through the magazine of the car.

"There's an immediate relationship established between a buyer and a seller, a level of trust." Aaron said, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"If I want to coax a young woman into my car…" Spencer started.

"I offer her a test drive." Aaron finished for him.

They huddled together inside a house, waiting anxiously as Elle Greenaway, a prospective new member of their team, went to retrieve their suspect from a neighboring residence. They created a plan where Elle pretended that her house had been invaded, seeking the assistance of the very person they needed to apprehend. One of the men confirmed their approach, and they prepared themselves, raising their guns as they cautiously entered the house.

The man turned the doorknob and illuminated the room with his flashlight, calling out a hesitant "Hello" before proceeding inside. With each step further into the house, he repeated the greeting, causing everyone to suddenly emerge, guns at the ready. Elle swiftly approached from behind, grabbing the suspect's hands and swiftly restraining him.

A member of the SWAT team firmly took hold of the apprehended individual, leading him outside as they all walked over to the man's respective house. Leila walked over to Elle, offering a small smile of appreciation. "Great job." She commended, extending her hand for a handshake as they had ever met before. "I'm Leila Kade."

Elle returned the smile and shook Leila's hand. "Elle Greenaway, pleasure to meet you." She replied graciously. "And thank you."

As the two walked into the house and watched the family sit down at the table to hear the news, Leila decided to go upstairs and check for clues that could possibly help find their victim. She walked into one of the rooms and paused, her eyebrows furrowing as she took in the scene. "This isn't right…" She mumbled, just as Derek walked in and stood beside her.

"Something's not right about this." Derek spoke out, confirming Leila's suspicion that something was wrong. "It's a boy's room, not a man's."

Leila nodded her head. "Exactly what I thought." She thought for a moment before leaving the room, exiting the house. She walked over to Aaron, who was standing outside. "He has a partner. A second unsub."

Aaron nodded, looking at Richard's jeep. "We just need Richard to talk. We're running out of time." He looked back at her. "Hopefully he speaks once we start interrogating him."

Leila shrugs and crosses her arms, her eyes falling onto the house. "He has to. He has no other choice."

"Richard, I know you feel like you owe Vogel something, but you don't." Leila tried to convince him, resting her hands on the table. "You don't owe him anything."

"Vogel has you thinking that you would go to jail for him, all because he protected you while you were in prison." Aaron continued. "He's got you convinced that you owe him so much, but we're here to remind you that you owe him nothing."

Richard remained silent, his eyes set on the table. Leila and Aaron looked at each other, eyebrows furrowed as they sighed. They were running out of time.

Aaron's phone started ringing, the man leaving the interrogation room to take the call. Leila watched him leave and then turned towards Richard. "We're going to get the truth out of you, you do know that, right Richard?" Leila told him. She leaned in closer. "No matter how hard you try to protect that man, we will find him. You're going to go to prison either way so what's the point of keeping your mouth shut? Just tell us where Heather is."

Richard looked up, something shifting in his eyes. He began to open his mouth when Aaron walked back inside. "Just to let you know, Gideon's talking to Vogel, and he's nailing you to the wall."

Leila raised an eyebrow, glancing at Aaron. "Oh? Is that so?" She turned to Richard again. "I told you. What was the point of keeping your mouth shut?"

"Yeah, whatever." Richard said, though Leila could sense the shakiness in his voice.

"He said it was your idea to keep the girls on the boat." Aaron continued. Leila looked at Aaron, who looked back at her. Heather was on a boat. "He's talking, Richard. Reciprocity."

Leila tilted her head, leaning closer to him again. "Just tell us where she is. We can make a deal…" She said, noticing the sudden shift in him. "Is it a dock? A pier?"

Richard swallowed harshly, staring straight ahead. "It's a shipyard. Allied shipyard."

Aaron immediately rushed out of the room, Leila following, as he called Gideon. "We know where she's located."

Leila ran towards Gideon as the rest of the team met with him and Elle at the spot Heather was kept. Elle shot the unsub, killing him on the spot, but not before he shot Gideon in the arm. "Are you okay?" She asked Gideon, the man who was almost as if he was a second father to her.

He looked at her and nodded his head. "Yeah, it's nothing. The girl's safe, that's all that matters." Leila smiled, watching the man walk away. Her eyes roamed around the crime scene before landing on Elle. She decided to walk towards her and check up on her.

"Hey, Elle." Leila said, standing in front of her. "You did great out there."

Elle smiled. "It was honestly all Gideon. He saved Heather's life."

Leila gave her a smile, putting a hand on her arm. "Yeah, and you saved Gideon's. Allow yourself to take some of the credit." She began to walk away when Elle spoke again.

"Oh, I would've but I just didn't want to seem like a narcissist and take away the attention from Gideon." Elle joked, then grinned as Leila laughed.

Leila pointed a finger at her and nodded her head. "Okay, yeah, I like you." She said, walking backwards as she outstretched her arms. "Welcome to the team, Greenaway."

The door creaked open and Leila grimaced at the noise as she looked into the darkness of the house. She set her bag onto the floor and closed the door, ensuring it was locked.

"Hey." Zaid spoke softly, yet it still caused Leila to jump in fear. She put a hand over her thumping heart and she turned around to face her husband. "Sorry, sorry. I just put her to sleep."

She shook her head and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Thank you." She laid her head on his chest as Zaid wrapped his arms around her frame, rocking them back and forth. "I missed you both so much."

He kissed the top of her head, laying his cheek against it. "I know. We missed you too. She kept crying for her mommy."

"Mhm…" Leila was close to falling asleep but she knew she had to check in on Jasmine just once, or else she wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully. "I'm going to go see her, and then we're going straight to bed."

Zaid chuckled, putting a hand on her back as they walked towards Jasmine's room. Leila slowly walked over to the crib, watching her baby sleep soundfully. She grinned at the sight, reaching out to gently caress her cheek. Leila felt Zaid kiss her cheek as he started to rub her back soothingly.

The two walked to their room, Leila exhausted from the entire day due to the case. She flopped backwards onto the bed, ushering her hands out to Zaid so he would join her. He crashed on top of her gently, hugging her close to his body. He nuzzled his face into her neck as he whispered to her. "I love you."

She grabbed his face, allowing him to look into her eyes. "I love you, too." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he grabbed her hips. "I need you."

Zaid laughed. "You need to sleep, honey." However, Leila shook her head and pouted, causing Zaid to grin big. "Leila."

"Zaid. Please." Leila insisted, tugging his hair. He groaned, his hands slowly trailing down her body.

"You always get your way, don't you?" He teased, leaving kisses along her neck. She whined, tugging his shirt up.

"You need this too, I can tell." He shut her mouth with his lips, hungrily kissing her.

"Of course you can." He said darkly, yet she could feel his smile against her lips. "Damn profiler."

[letarasstuff]

Making the Voice quieter

(A/N): This was requested by an anon. I hope you like it!

Summary: Spencer finds out about his daughter's eating disorder, he will he react?

Warnings: Angst, discription of an eating disorder (bulemia to be more specific), discription of (binge) eating, bad body image, self hatred, abuse of pills (diet pills)

Wordcount: 2.2k

✨Masterlist✨

______________________________

Prison. Cat. Diana. All those things happened close to each other. Luckily a few months have passed since then and slowly everything settles down. Spencer is able to get his feelings sorted through, processing the events.

Ever since his imprisonment he follows a more or less strict routine, given the uncertainty coming with his job. Spencer still tries to keep it up. So is every Friday dedicated to buying the majority of groceries and needed non food articles.

Sometimes (Y/N) tags along, other days she already has plans with her friends. Her father doesn’t mind it much, he is happy to see her socializing with people her age. The two of them have one father-daughter-night in the week anyways.

“Sweetheart, I’m heading out! Did you put everything you need on the list?” He shouts into the apartment. A faint “Yes! Love you!” echoes back to him. A smile forms on the doctor’s face. Oh how he longed to hear those words from her every night while he laid in his bed, locked up for a crime he didn’t commit. “Alright, love you, too!”

Meanwhile her father has to deal with Karens being their ignorant selfs, (Y/N) is under the biggest stress she has ever been. The end of her sophomore year and suddenly every teacher thinks it’s alright to give the students a load of work in every single class.

It’s beginning to get to her head. Four essays, three projects and studying for two tests and everything is due next week. She can see herself sitting at that very desk for the whole weekend, trying to contain control of her current situation.

As (Y/N) begins to read the page in front of her again to pull any information from it, it feels like her brain shuts down. Only one thought possesses her. One thing that can assure her, make her happy again.

Her body moves automatically, into the kitchen to the fridge. Her hands grab what they can. Puddings, yogurts, bananas, apples, last night’s dinner, everything that she can carry. Then the teenager sits down at the floor and devours everything she just got out. (Y/N) doesn’t stop until she gets to this intense feeling of being full.

It seems like she snaps out of a trance. Upon seeing what she ate in the shortest time, the girl feels even worse. Quickly she tries to destroy any kind of evidence, getting the trash out, making the fridge appear more full than it is, anything.

In her panicked state she remembers the small container of pills in her room. Relief washes over (Y/N), thinking everything will be better. She takes two of them for good measurement.

With the relief also guilt takes over. What just happened wasn’t normal. But (Y/N) tells herself that she can stop any time she wants. It’s not like she is sick or something, everything is fine. It’s just her way to copy stress. A way she discovered while her father was in prison. The diet pills help her to undo her mistakes. Someone from her friend group, who is already 18, got her them from the doctor for a fair price.

Feeling calmer now, the teenager sits back at her desk. A new perception of control helps her to continue her school work. She has to get done as much as possible, because in not even half an hour (Y/N)’s best friend will be the toilet.

Spencer is completely obvious to it. Sure, he is a profiler and he noticed his daughter’s new view on eating healthy food and working out. He just assumes that (Y/N) and her friends are on a healthy trip and he doesn’t see a problem in this. On the contrary, he is happy that she wants to be good to herself and her body.

But as the weeks go on, a suspicious feeling captures him. “(Y/N)? Why is the fridge nearly empty? We got groceries last Friday and it’s only Tuesday. Did you have a party over here while I was away on the case?” Spencer enters his daughter’s room, trying to joke about it.

(Y/N) freezes. Of course she isn’t able to say that the food went bad and she threw them away, her father is meticulous regarding this subject, always checking the best before day date. “Uhm, please don’t be mad. But Alex, you know her, the short one with red hair, uhm her parents are on a business trip and she is not the best cook. So I brought her lunch and dinner over. I’m sorry for not telling you.” She looks down at the floor, not only to feign sadness but also to avoid his eyes.

The second the teenager talks Spencer knows there is something fishy. Her voice is higher and she fidget with her hands. But he writes it off as being nervous for not telling him. Ever since he is out of prison, it feels like his daughter is withholding something.

“It’s fine, Sweetheart. Just give me a heads-up beforehand, so I know to buy more groceries. What do you think about ordering something tonight? I heard from Luke that a small Chinese restaurant opened a few streets down. We can celebrate the end of the stressful phase in Sophomore year.”

It seems like (Y/N) is calculating something in her head. Spencer knows exactly what she thinks about. “You can forget about your calorie intake for one night. I see how much time you invest in living healthy, but we can let loose for a night together. Just some noodles with chicken or spring rolls and us trying to use chopsticks and giving up after two minutes and resorting to forks. How does that sound?”

The teenager would love to sigh, but it would only alarm her father further. “Yeah, you are right. Let us let loose. But only if I can choose the movie we watch after dinner!” (Y/N) feels bad for eating unhealthy food again. Her last binge was only yesterday and usually she tries to consume lighter things. But she has to bite into the sour apple, else her father will be more suspicious. After all, she can just stop. (Y/N) promises herself to not think about her weight, her shape or the calories she will eat.

Well yeah, no. Just after the first noodle hits her tongue, intrusive thoughts take a seat in her mind, getting settled.

‘You already look like a potato.’

‘Are you sure this is the right thing to eat?’

‘Can you really stop?’

‘Dad is going to hate you when he finds out.’

All of them and more enter her head. (Y/N) is unable to shake them off. She is fine. She doesn’t have a problem. She just doesn’t feel like eating now, that’s fine, right?

“Uhm Dad. I’m full and really tired from the day. Is it ok if I go to bed? Maybe we can rain check on that movie?” The girl asks, feeling even worse for ditching her father. Usually it’s the other way around.

“Are you feeling ok? You look a little pale. Are you sick?” Spencer fires his question canone being the borderline helicopter father he always is. “Yes, just really exhausted from all the assignment and school work. A good night's rest and I will be good as new.” (Y/N) attempts a small smile, but fails miserably at it.

“Ok, sleep tight baby. I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge for you tomorrow.” Quickly she goes into her room. The thoughts in her head scream louder and louder with each step she takes. Can she really stop? Maybe she should come clean to her father.

‘And risking him hating you? Look at you, thinking you are sane is the only thing keeping him from abandoning you. How would you explain him keeping you otherwise? It’s definitely not for your looks.’

Later that night, (Y/N) hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep because of the voices, she makes her way back to the kitchen. In an attempt to distract herself, the teenager scrolled through her social media sites. There she was met by pictures of perfect people.

Perfect bodies. Perfect lives. Perfect smiles. Perfect family. Perfect friends. Everything about them is perfect.

And then there is her. Her body is unperfect. Her life is a mess. Her smile is not that of a model. Her family is just her, her father and the people he works with. Her friends aren’t always the best associates.

The stress of not feeling enough is getting to (Y/N)’s head. Like several times before that her body goes into auto. She doesn’t control her movements, though she tells herself all of this is willently.

Like so many times before the girl goes through the fridge and eats everything up she can get her fingers on. But this time one thing is different. Her father is at home. And he isn’t a heavy sleeper.

The movement in the kitchen wakes him up. Immediately his brain jumps to a burglar or even worse, an UnSub they once arrested coming after him. Quickly he gets his revolver and sneaks through the hallway to the source of the noises. As Spencer only sees his daughter sitting there, he instantly relaxes.

“Hey Sweetheart, what are you doing up? It’s a school night”, he softly asks in order to not scare her. Still, (Y/N) gets startled at the sudden voice.

“Uhm, nothing much. Just hungry. Probably because I didn’t eat dinner”, she explains, looking at her father like he caught her with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. Spencer watches her closely. “This is it? Because from what it looks like you not only ate your dinner but also tomorrow’s breakfast and right now lunch.”

(Y/N) swallows her bite, feeling that sinking reality in her stomach. The pills. She needs the pills fast before her body begins to digest the food. “Uhm, yeah. I probably should go to bed. I need my sleep. Just let me tidy up. Good night, Dad.” But he is quick to stop her.

“(Y/N), I want you to sit down. There is something we have to talk about.” Hesitantly (Y/N) takes a seat. “What is it Dad? Are you reprimanding me for eating? I thought you wanted me to let loose for a night.”

Spencer sits, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Baby, I want you to be alright. But I think you are not.” His eyes get a sad look. “I’m alright. I am fine, Dad. What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Look, (Y/N), I don’t need to be a profiler to see that you are struggling with something. Do you want to tell me about it?” Her answer is a tight lipped smile and a “I’m fine. There is nothing to talk about.”

The father sighs. She is not leaving him much of a choice. “And what about them?” Spencer asks after getting something from the highest shelf in the kitchen, the one (Y/N) barely reaches by stepping on a stool. He sets a little container down on the table.

“Dad I-” “No (Y/N). You don’t need to explain anything. It’s my turn to talk. I found those in your room yesterday while I was looking for a book. At first I thought nothing of it, I mean you are trying to live healthy, so I thought this is part of the process. But then I saw that they have to be prescribed and I know that these aren’t yours.

“I wanted to talk about it with you anyway. But now I know that I caught you binge eating and I see all the signs. I see them and I’m sorry for not acting sooner. (Y/N), you need help and I’m here for you. I know the last few months were especially hard on you. I can’t change what was and what happened, but I will be here for you now." Tears stream down on boths their faces.

(Y/N) is stammering for words. “I-I am fine. I can stop anytime I want. Th-this was a conscious d-decision.” Her father envelops her in a hug, cradling her head to his chest. She begins to sob.

“I know, Sweetheart. It’s hard and it won’t get easier from here on, but I’m here. You know you can’t stop, it’s only an illusion your eating disorder wants you to believe. But we get through it together. You, I and the team if you want to. We take it at your pace.” By now the two are crying loudly.

“I want it to stop, Dad. Please make the voice go away.”

He can’t make it go away. No one can. But Spencer helps to quiet it. Together they tackle the disorder, through the good and the bad times. He takes off from work for a time and (Y/N) out of school for a few weeks to be able to work on it together, to make the voice quieter and her life better.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962