#THEY ARE HITTING ME WITH THEIR PAWS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tangledinink · 6 months

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uhm excuse me this is not an honest depiction of the current happenstance. as such i've created an accurate recreation of the above, for the sake of historic integrity.

#THEY ARE HITTING ME WITH THEIR PAWS #T A PA #ALSO SARA #im being ASSAULTED #LET THE RECORD SHOW...#me. an innocent man. who has never in his life done anything wrong EVER.........#asks #sillies

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canisalbus · 1 year

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you say machete has to be closeted then why's he always wearing them little heels

Maybe he thinks he's a tiny bit nicer looking in them.

#no in fact he's just a little ahead of the curve let me try to explain #again I'm not a historian I'm just sharing what I've read I might be misremembering stuff so don't quote me on this #high heels became extremely fashionable in the early 1600's probably just a few decades after Machete's time #and they were originally worn by men #because they were inspired by Persian riding boots #if your shoes had heels you'd have easier time keeping your feet in the stirrups (think of cowboy boots)#Europeans saw them thought they looked snazzy and they became wildly popular in noble circles fairly quickly #for some hundred years or so high heels were the epitome of class wealth power and status and they were essentially genderless #remember that concepts of masculinity and femininity are fluid and change over time #things that were seen as manly a few centuries ago may seem downright effeminate to a modern viewer #it's all matter of perspective neither is objectively more correct than the other #they started to separate into men's heels and women's heels around mid 1700's iirc but the changes weren't massive even then #and only truly went out of vogue when the French Revolution hit in 1789 #and people all across the continent were suddenly put off by everything that reminded them #of the frivolousness and extravagance of royalty and aristicracy #so in his canon timeline I don't think people are looking at him and going “hmmm that's pretty gay”#because heels hadn't become gendered yet #maybe he likes how they accentuate his already tiny paws and make his legs look even longer than they are #he's interested in fashion or at least likes to dress nicely in high quality garments #he tries very hard to look his best despite never really feeling comfortable in his skin #he was a real shrimp as a kid and even though he eventually grew up to be a beanpole he might still find the extra height appealing #no one's going to look down on him ever again #I admit the way I draw them is a lot more modern than the true historical style at the time but not outrageously so #artistic freedom and all that in the end I'm not aiming for 100% accuracy #modern au Machete has no excuses though he's just a little bit fruity #if the guy feels empowered by wearing little clip cloppers let him #answered #anonymous #Machete

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akai-akai · 3 months

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Imagine going to the carnival with Simon.

Gender-neutral reader.

Let's say he's on leave and there's a traveling carnival heading through town so of course you drag Simon along with you, naturally. Coerce him into buying you both corndogs and lemon shake-ups and funnel cake and play all the carnival games, and he definitely gets frustrated when he can't land those god damned rings on the bottles.

But then you spot it a few pop-up stands away. A massive stuffed animal that you absolutely need to take home. And just your luck, it's one of those arcade-like shooter games, so you're turning to him with the biggest puppy eyes you can manage and asking him so sweetly to win it for you.

And ohohoooo boy, as soon as you point it out to Simon, he's on a fucking mission. Slaps the money down in front of the vendor, gets in position, and he looks so bloody attractive when he's so focused and effortlessly hitting target after target with the cheaply-made, unreliable toy rifle. He even adjusts for the off-center scope while you watch excitedly behind him.

The vendor has to stop him short before he wins the entire fucking wall of stuffed animals and pool floaties in one round, and then they get the comically large stuffed animal off the rack for you and Simon takes it and turns to you with a smug look, his dark and brooding demeanor contrasting with the cartoonish and comically large prize in his arms.

You take it from him happily as you both make your way back to his car, the silly thing taking up the entirety of the back seat.

"Hope that thing doesn't replace me in bed tonight," he grumbles, amused.

"I'd never," you say to him. (It ends up in bed with you anyway, but he's possessive enough that he'll scrap with the bloody thing to spoon with you. You'll wake up in the morning with the stuffed animal mysteriously having ended up on the other side of the room.)

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inspired by my ex-military uncle scaring that poor carnival game vendor in a shooting game at our local carnival last week winning a giant pink orca for a little girl (the same uncle who blew a giant hole in the ground with a firework on the 4th of July)

the last part's inspired by that "me and my girlfriend and her life-sized body pillow" meme that was circulating fandoms a while back

#simon would get so mad at those scammy carnival games because he KNOWS he should be hitting those damn targets #dont get me started on the ring toss games #i was sweating trying to win that damn lemur plushy with the velcro paws #the idea of any of the 141 boys using their expert military skills for everyday mundane life is so funny #imagine playing lasertag or paintball with any of these fuckers #i'd be TERRIFIED because I just know they'd take it way too seriously #using callsigns and callouts and everything like dorks #ghost cod #soap cod #cod john price #gaz cod #cod headcanons #cod fics #simon riley is a dork #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader

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m4rs-ex3 · 2 months

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tdp s6 really said this one's for all the daughters out there. stay safe girlies

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egg-emperor · 10 months

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LOVE LOVE LOOOVE

give me allll the giant and horrifying dream world Eggman 🥰💜

#giant Egg trying to grab me with a set of 8 big bear paws is pretty appealing 😳#dr. eggman #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #sonic dream team #my post #my gifs #hits

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leafie-draws · 3 months

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you think hating furries makes you a cool special little guy? well guess what loser, the furry fandom is older than you, we are everywhere, you will never be rid of us, and we will continue to outlive you long after your body has turned to ash hope this helps ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ👍

#leafie speaks #sorry someone called me a slur today so I hit them with my soft fluffy paws until they exploded into red mist #*angry barking*

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bielbunny · 7 months

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Let the intrusive thoughts win and gave the sona a funky lil' guy idle

lemme at 'em!! lemme at 'em!! lemme at 'em!!

#animation #furry #fursona #rabbit #bunny #mario and luigi #mario and luigi rpg #lemme at 'em!!#hitting them with the good ol' one two #put your paws up #who can be the mario to my luigi #which of y'all doing cool special moves with me real talk

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maple-and-pie · 6 months

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hehehe >;3c

#maple talks #soon i be hitting 1000 #also if you interact with this post i will take it as a sign for me to come to your blog to hit em with them paws boopboopboop

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ratcandy · 9 months

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anyway what it really means to have a cat laying on you is when she inevitably stretches her little paws out and smacks you square in the face . out of love of course

#this is a regular occurrence. her favorite place to take a nap is halfway onto my chest while i'm laying down #andthen whenever she stretches. i have to catch her paw before her claws accidentally Get Me #but when i try to put her paw down she's like Hey hang on. I was trying to stretch here. You have to let me Hit You.#Out of Love of Course.#clamtalk

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amburppp · 2 years

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