#THIS TOOK ME SO FUCKING LONG AND I ONLY STARTED IT BECAUSE I WAS PROCRASTINATING ON ARTFIGHT STUFF 😭 😭 😭

[plagues-personal-hell]

Second. AAUUHHGGGHGHGHHHHHHH {sound of me making this}

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

[messyhairedhazeleyeddude]

Ache // Yandere! Ticci Toby x

Fem! Reader {SMUT}

[Hello, this will be the first fic that I post. What I'm going to give you guys beforehand is some trigger warnings before we get on to it. Other than that, I hope you enjoy it and give me some feedback whenever you're done if you feel in the mood.]

TW // Violence, r@pe, and a whole lotta mention of murder as always.

𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ - First P.O.V

Every day, it started like this. Planted in my bed, tangled in my grey sheets, waiting for that one sliver of motivation to get out of my blankets. My room was a mess. Pieces of clothing scattered across the floor, piling up around my dresser, and hanging off of places I tossed them.

I stared over the rest of what I could see while trying to get rid of the bitter taste of soda left on my tongue from last night. The posters I've collected of my favorite bands clung onto the wall for dear life, fading away from how long they had been there. An empty Sprite can stood on my nightstand, left there after my body decided to have its third caffeine crash this week.

It was getting so warm where I was lying that I was starting to overheat, making me shuffle around to stay cold. That wasn't too hard because of how freezing my room was.

When I looked at my window, I noticed it was cracked open. If I didn't shut it soon, it would get worse. But minutes were melting into each other and I didn't want to get up. Why did I love to procrastinate so much? It shouldn't be this hard to move on with my day.

Silence filled every corner of my apartment, leaving me to peacefully rot. Was it selfish of me to be like this? That's what it felt like they were trying to say when I talked to relatives. But that's the reason why I prefer to be shut-in. I never had to hear that about myself. The world outside would remain indifferent. And hopefully, by the time I had to move, I was swallowed into the Earth below.

A sudden vibration of my phone startled me. I mumbled a barrage of curses and reached for it slowly, furrowing my brows and groaning. I could only pray that it wasn't him trying to contact me.

The last time he visited, I no longer felt safe outside. I would check behind me constantly, feeling as if his light brown eyes were glued to my back, and at any moment, he could come back and chop off my limbs until I was a headless torso. Remembering that he existed caused that horrible anxiety to spread goosebumps across my skin. I was shaking as I tried to unlock my phone.

Hundreds of notifications popped up that I had been ignoring, some of them messages from my mom, and the rest were emails. I almost accidentally clicked on one before I found the most recent. "Return library books today," it read. Fuck, I forgot today was the due date for those. Despite not wanting to, I had to get up. I did promise that if I had a reason to, I would.

I peeled myself from the comfort of my bed. My sheets clung to me like glue, trying to pull me back as if it were a bad idea. Fighting against it, I shivered at the sudden change in temperature and pulled down the bottoms of my shorts so they weren't wedged in between my ass.

After not walking for what felt like forever, I took my first steps, a soreness on my left thigh making me place a hand on my dresser for support. I looked down at a bruise from that encounter, biting my lip to distract myself from thinking about it. I need to take my pills or I'll get suicidal. So many things to do. So overwhelmed.

Encouraging myself in my head, I found the strength to go for the door. I opened it and turned down my hallway, going for the bathroom with quick and light steps.

Many pictures of family and portraits were loosely decorated on the wall, a pit in my stomach opened when I stared at them. I lingered on my dad and had to tear myself away from the picture before I felt the need to cry.

Stumbling into the bathroom, I flicked on the harsh yellow light and stood before the mirror, running a hand through my disheveled hair. I reached for the medicine cabinet, the hinges squeaking as I rummaged through it. I grabbed my medication and popped the bottle open, tossing out a tiny pill into my palm. I swallowed the bitter capsule and cringed as it slowly went down.

Turning my attention to the sink, I turned on the cold water and brought my mouth to the tap to take a sip. Then I splashed it on my face after I was done, relieved that the pill was no longer there. On the counter, I focused on the facewash I hadn't used in god knows how long. I missed the feeling of my face being clean. At least, I can't forget about it now.

I poured the runny liquid into my hands and rubbed them together, slapping it on my face and rubbing it in circles to get deep in my pores. It foamed up a bit and burned. If I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I'm supposed to be using this, but it works.

As I was splashing the water on my face again to clean it off, I opened my eyes to a man staring at me in the mirror, causing me to freeze. I could see the glisten of his goggles from here, that blue hood covering his messy hair, but it didn't contain enough around the edges. It was him. The man who attacked me and my dad a couple of days ago.

A scream clawed its way up my throat, but before the sound could escape, I reached for something. Grab anything to protect myself, that's all I needed to do. But before I could, the room blurred as I twisted, my hand grasping a razor for a split second.

I was torn away from it. I felt a hard impact on my back as I was slammed against the wall, the air forcing out of my lungs in a sharp gasp. I struggled to breathe, my hands grabbing onto his wrists while they dug into my neck.

He had me pinned against it and struggling to get any sort of noise out. Slowly, I was dragged up upward and lifted off of the ground. I choked, my vision was fading as his glare burned into mine. He's going to kill me. Just like he did to Dad. He's going to get away with it. I pulled my head back against the wall before lunging it forward to collide it with the serial killer's, his hands faltering their hold and dropping me from the force of it.

I collapsed to the floor and sputtered out several coughs, hunched up in a ball and desperately trying to regain the oxygen he took from me. My neck felt numb, the indents of his fingers bruising and stung like a bitch.

He crouched down to me. I closed my eyes and thought he would finish it right there. But when I suddenly felt his lips press against mine, they shot back open. Breathing heavily through my nose, I stared at his shut eyelids. I glanced down at his lashes, feeling his breath as he sighed. He relaxed into me for a split second before pulling away, lowering his voice to a rough whisper to introduce himself, "It's nice to meet you finally, {F/N}. The name's Tobias."

Struggling to get myself sitting up, I made it by resting on the wall and using my hands to keep me there. My chest rapidly went up and down as I watched his every move. He backed away a bit, but not enough to give me leverage. I repeated, "Tobias?" And his eyebrow quirked up like he was questioning my reaction.

"I can also go by Toby. Whatever you prefer. But I gave you my full name because I really like you, [F/N]," he added. I knitted my brows and shook my head, unable to understand what he was saying. He liked me? He just kissed me? What the fuck?

I pushed myself away from him and got back up, running for it and successfully escaping the bathroom. The front door was right in front of me, I barely got to reach for it before I felt a hand grab a fistful of my hair. No, I almost had it!

Strands of my hair were ripped out as I was yanked backward and thrown onto the couch, falling onto it and yelping in pain. Tears fell from my eyes and I clutched my head, grabbing the part that hurt the most. A headache was coming on and I couldn't help but rock myself to soothe it. I sobbed, "Leave me alone! Please, just leave me alone..." I twisted myself to let out the rest in the cushions, hearing him approach behind me.

After crying for a bit and nothing was happening to me, I hesitantly lifted myself to take a peek. Toby was sitting next to me, almost as if he was waiting patiently for me to finish. When he saw that I was staring at him, he patted his lap and said, "Here. Rest your pretty head and we can get to talking about this, sweetheart."

I was too scared of him to tell him no. It was the first time I felt pure terror from somebody. Like I would never be able to fight back with him. And I was right. I couldn't. The sad truth was that if my dad had fallen to this man, I'm sure I would live the same fate if I didn't listen. Dragging myself, I cringed while laying my head onto his leg, feeling his hand rest on my head and causing me to flinch. "Sh, sh, I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I told you, I really adore you, [F/N]," he reassured me. A part of me wanted to bite his leg to pieces, but if I went along with this until he fell asleep or left, then I could escape and possibly go to the police.

Deciding to go with it, I pretended to enjoy the warmth and snuggled into him. I wouldn't call it pretending actually, he was pretty warm. Toby hummed and it stayed like this for some time. He kept petting me, brushing my hair out of the way, soothing me from the chase earlier.

Eventually, he got bored of it and nudged me to sit back up. I tilted my head and asked, "What?" His hand went to rest on my lower back, applying pressure around it, pushing me forward until I was easing into sitting on him. A smile crossed his face at the compliance. He seemed intrigued by it.

"I didn't think you would give up this quick. I thought I was going to have to give you a couple more marks for memories," he sounded pleased as both of his arms wrapped around my waist. They were much bigger than mine, with a couple of veins etched up around them like vines, and faded scars littering everywhere on his skin. He had been doing this for years by the looks of it. There was no way in hell I was going to escape, huh?

Placing another kiss on my cheek, soft and gentle, his eyelashes brushed against me before he pulled away to speak again, "Do you know what I've been picturing every night to the thought of you, [F/N]?" His hands dropped lower to skim over my ass, lightly gripping, and dragging me toward him. My breath hitched. I didn't say a word.

Toby answered for me, "I've been picturing taking these off..." His fingers gripped around the waistband of my shorts and teased me about taking them off by pushing them down lightly. Continuing that, he said, "Have you to myself for a couple of hours..."

There were so many reasons why I should say no to him and why I shouldn't allow him to touch me like this. For one, he killed my father. He broke into my house and he was physically violent to me. I felt disgusting that he had gotten to this level too. But, I didn't stop him. I didn't say no and I didn't deny it. I looked into this killer's eyes and I leaned onto his chest, giving into what he wanted

When we kissed for the second time, I noticed how chapped his lips were, and opened my mouth a little to swipe my tongue across his bottom one. Toby tensed up. And without warning, I felt his tongue use the opportunity to have an exchange with mine. I gasped through my nose, the escalation getting worse and worse. A blush began to spread across my face.

He lifted me off of his lap to flip me onto the couch, putting both of his palms by either side of my head. I was back to being pinned underneath him. I don't know what was happening to me. Something was wrong with me, I was sick for this. I was sick... because I enjoyed this.

His sweater and shirt fell to the floor as we fought each other with kisses. His teeth bit into my lower lip and pulled it back while I moved to unbuckle his belt. I was giving in to this. I was really fucking the guy that took away everybody I loved in my life.

Barely in any clothes, we both took a moment to stare at each other, oddly feeling like he was admiring me from how he looked up and down my body. Toby took his time, pressing small pecks across my chest up to my neck, snaking his arms around to my back. He unclipped my bra and slipped it off of me. I wanted to cover myself, but I no longer wanted to move. I didn't have any motivation. There was nothing left to fight for.

The gloves and bandages around his fingers felt weird against my skin especially when he played with my chest. He squeezed one, bit the other, and once he heard a moan slip out of me, he stopped to let me process. He complimented me, his voice a bit raspy like he was fighting the urge to do something to me already, "You look even better so close like this, with how foggy those windows would get. It would make me want to break them and threaten you then and there."

I bit the inside of my cheek and he got closer, hooking onto my panties and pulling them down as a smirk spread on his face. My lack of response didn't concern him. He kept going despite that, throwing the thin fabric somewhere in the room before he looked up at me. His hair was in his face and the eyebags around his eyes told me he was more than dangerous. How many times has he done this?

Toby muttered seriously, breaking me out of the moment, "Who do you belong to?" I blankly gazed at him, watching as he stood up and slowly inched his boxers down. I can't speak. I can't tell him that. More scars appeared, his v-line making my eyes linger, and I got distracted. His dick was let out before I could respond.

My eyes widened and I tried to squeeze my legs shut, but he kept them apart as soon as they moved, holding both of my knees up to my shoulders. I was breathing super fast, my heart raced, and I was feeling the ache in between both of my legs. It was nothing compared to when he positioned himself and pushed the tip inside.

Digging my nails into his arms, I cried out in pain and threw my head back, looking up at his satisfied face. Toby groaned, a laugh following behind it, "You don't have to answer. I'll do it for you." He rammed most of what he could, grabbing both of my thighs so tightly that it was guaranteed to be bruised. I screamed out. He was too rough and too much for me to take like this. It hurt. It fucking ached. I was being drilled into the cushions.

Trying to handle it was impossible. He made it impossible for me. His hips connected as he went deeper, loud slaps coming from it, bouncing off and echoing. I didn't want to think about the neighbors hearing me lose my dignity like this. I didn't want to think about the fact my dad could be witnessing this. But it was starting to feel good. Really fucking good. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and after that, I didn't care anymore.

I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him closer and savoring his dick carving into the parts I didn't know were there. Moaning, swearing, and muttering filled the room. We were getting lost in the bliss and saying whatever was on the mind. Or I was. His name left me a couple of times and so did encouragement, "More.. More, please, Toby!"

Flipping around again when he got a little tired, I gyrated my hips and sat on his lap so I could bounce, sliding up and down until I could feel my walls beginning to squeeze. I was close and this position wasn't helping. I held my breath and Toby took notice, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Let it out for me, baby. Don't be shy," he cooed, sweat dripping down his forehead like he was holding back his own. I bit the inside of my cheek and a desperate moan came out, "Fuuuuuck, cummm with! Please!"

He didn't listen to me and lifted me off of the couch with him, holding me up in the air while guiding me down onto his shaft. I went limp and drool fell down the side of my chin as I buried myself into the crook of his neck, biting it a little to vent out the overwhelming pleasure. Toby didn't let up until a couple of more minutes of fucking me passed and I was fucked out enough that my legs were shaking.

When he was about to cum himself, he set me back down, rushing up to my face to give me a facial. My mouth was open from panting and I caught a bit on my tongue, swallowing it when we were back to locking eyes. The rest landed on my nose, cheeks, and lips. He let out a loud groan as he unwinded, pulling away to see the display once he was done.

I lay there. Used. I lay there for him to stare at. Until he walked away for cleaning supplies. To think about what I was doing. To come back down and face the new reality I was in. I was his now and he was mine. And there was nothing I could do about it.

[brattyfork]

midnight.c

summary: chris has an idea for new years.

warnings: daddy!chris lol, orgasm denial, spanking (kinda), nothing super crazy but pretty long

“ready baby?” chris walked into our room to me sitting on the bed scrolling through my phone.

“sure, did you pick a movie?” i started to get up.

“nah, we should pick one together” he started walking down the stairs, me trailing behind him.

my eyes widened when i saw the coffee table littered with my favorite snacks. my favorite blanket was neatly folded in the spot we usually sit.

“chris you didn’t have to do all this”

“i know, but you deserve it. plus you gotta get your energy up for tonight” he winked at me, making me shake my head.

chris had come up with this crazy idea yesterday. we were gonna fuck, but i wasn’t allowed to cum until midnight. for some reason, i agreed. i thought it’d be fun, i always loved trying new things in bed and chris seemed really excited about it so i said yes.

i rolled my eyes at him before he grabbed my hand and led me to the couch.

“what’d you wanna watch?” i asked him.

“no clue, just flick through em and we’ll pick something” i started looking through the movie section of netflix until something caught my eye. chris noticed my pause.

“you wanna watch it?”

“are you good with that?”

“of course princess” i hit the play button and curled up next to him. he laid the blanket over us and grabbed some snacks off the table in front of us.

the movie was only an hour and a half long, chris was surprisingly well behaved. i think he was actually interested in the movie. he just ate his snacks with his arm around me,

rubbing my shoulder every now and then.

the movie ended and chris leaned over me, grabbing the remote from my side and switching the tv to youtube. i was slightly confused until he typed “new years countdown” and picked the most low key looking one. it was pretty much just a timer.

i turned to look at him and he grabbed me, pulling me so i was straddling him. i let out a shaky breath.

“we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” he said gently, holding my face in his hands.

“no no i want to i’m just a little nervous”

“don’t be baby, it’s only me. just relax” he pulled me in to a sweet kiss, going slow as to not rush me. i got tired of it quickly, picking up the pace, the kiss now passionate and deep. chris smirked into the kiss, moving his hands down to the small of my back and wrapping his arms around me. i could feel him under me, his bulge getting harder and harder. i loved the effect i had on him, there was a reason it was me who wasn’t allowed to cum and not him.

chris moved his hands down to my ass, grabbing it making me gasp. he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth. i fought him for a second but gave up soon after, there was no point, he always won. our tongues danced in my mouth as the kiss grew needier, sloppier.

i could feel my arousal pooling in between my legs and i needed some relief. i grinded against him, letting out tiny noises as i stabilized myself with his shoulders. he must’ve not expected it though because he let out a loud groan which made me smile. his hands traveled up me to my hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling me away from the kiss.

“gonna be good for me tonight? do everything daddy says?” i nodded at him best i could with his grip on my hair. he didn’t like that though.

“i asked you a question” he smacked my ass making me yelp and fall into him as much as i could with his fist in my hair.

“yes daddy, promise i’ll be good” he brought his hand out of my hair to my cheek.

“my sweet girl” he rubbed my face before pulling me into another kiss. this one was rougher, meaner as he helped me grind on him, his hand on my ass pushing and pulling me.

“what’d you wanna do first baby?” he kept his grip on my face firm. i thought for a moment, maybe i was procrastinating but kissing him was so good i didn’t wanna give it up just yet.

“can we just keep kissing?” i looked away from him briefly, slightly embarrassed by my request.

“of course my love, you still wanna sit on daddy’s lap?”

“want you on top of me” i looked up at him.

chris smirked before standing up, lifting me with him and placing me gently on the couch under him. he situated himself on top of me, making sure he wasn’t crushing me before interlacing our fingers with one of his hands and leaning down to kiss me. chris kept grinding on me, his weight helping put more pressure on my clit. i whined into the kiss as he moved faster, god this was gonna be harder than i thought. chris started kissing down my jaw to my neck, pushing my head to the side for better access. this gave me a chance to peak at the clock.

forty minutes

fuck, i didn’t know if i could last that long. chris pulled away from my neck, helping me sit up a bit so he could pull off my shirt before laying me back down. he moved down me, placing a few more kisses on my neck before moving to my collarbones, then my chest before he finally came to my boobs. i could feel his breath over my nipples, causing them to harden. chris kissed along the tops of my breasts, purposely missing the center for awhile. finally, he placed his mouth around one of my nipples, making me whine louder than i had that night. he used his other hand to pinch and pull on my other one while he grazed the nipple in his mouth with his teeth. i arched my back slightly, pushing my chest into him. it felt incredible but i couldn’t get off from this, it really only got me worked up, i could never cum from this alone. and chris was fully aware of that.

i got sick of his teasing once he had moved to the other side, switching his mouth and hand around. i grabbed his face and pulled him off me, his mouth and my chest creating a popping noise when they disconnected. i pulled him into me, kissing him but it was just a distraction. i slowly moved my hand in between us, determined to catch him off guard. i lightly palmed over him before coming back up harder. he groaned into the kiss, pushing his face into mine before he pulled back, giving me the opportunity to speak.

“wanna feel you daddy” i continued to palm him through his pants and boxers. he groaned.

“yeah, you want daddy’s cock in your mouth princess?” he ground into me, putting more pressure on him and myself with my hand. i gasped.

“please” he got off me, leaning back so he was laying down. i situated my self in between his legs, propping my self up on my elbows to pull down his sweats and boxers. his cock flung out, hitting me in the face slightly and making him hiss.

i kitten licked his tip, running my tongue in his silt, collecting the precum that resided there. i looked up at him, catching his gaze and god did he look incredible. he was propped up on his elbows, pupils blown out with his lips swollen and parted, never taking his eyes off me.

i licked up his cock, starting at the base and slowly gliding to the tip, all while never breaking his gaze. once i got to the tip, i put my lips over my teeth and took him into my mouth making him gasp. he threw his head back as i took as much of him into my mouth as i could, arching his back from the pleasure. his hands flung to my hair, trying not to grab too hard while pushing my head down slightly.

“holy fuck baby, s-so good” i hummed at his praise, his grip on my hair tightening from the vibration.

i came back up, taking most of him into my mouth and jerking what i couldn’t fit. i hollowed my cheeks, creating a tighter seal around him.

“fuck i’m gonna cum baby ohmygod” i feel him twitching in my mouth and i let out another moan, feeling his hot load in my mouth a few seconds later.

chris pants, catching his breath while i lick up whatever i couldn’t swallow.

“goddamnit angel you’re incredible” i smile to myself as he sits up and pulls me on top of him.

“do you know how much i love you?” he pulls my head away from his and i shake my head.

“think i need a reminder” he smiled, pushing me off him, laying me back again as he trailed his hands down my body. he pulled off my tight shorts, revealing my black lacy underwear that he loved so much.

chris took them all the way off, sitting back on his knees. he looked at me like he was starving, it was kind of scary. he began kissing up my legs, starting at my ankles and agonizingly slowly moved to the tops of my thighs just below my panty line. chris moved into the crevice my thighs made squishing together, spreading my legs as he got closer to where i needed him. he kissed over my panties before pulling them down with his teeth, his eyes boring into me.

“holy fuck chris” the sight of him on top of me was insane. i thought i could cum from that alone. i turned my head.

thirty minutes

goddamnit, i audibly whined.

“what’s wrong angel?” chris asked, my panties now discarded with the rest of my clothes.

“i don’t wanna wait, need to feel you”

“aw i know baby, you’re being so good for me though. imagine how good it’ll feel when i’m finally inside you” he said, coming up to my stomach, kissing over my sides “how intense your orgasm will be” and up my chest “it’ll be so good baby i promise”

“mmm fine”

“good girl, now let daddy make you feel good”

chris moved down again, hooking my legs over his shoulders while he started gently licking my clit. my body jolted as he finally gave me relief where i needed it. he licked up my folds, poking his tongue into my entrance lightly while he rubbed my thighs. he started to go harder at my entrance, steadying his tongue while his nose brushed over my clit making me moan. i could feel him smirk up against me as he increased his speed.

“fuck chris holy shit” i try to wiggle out of his grip, squirming underneath him but he doesn’t let up.

“chris please, can’t” i whimpered out, trying to keep my composure. he came back up giving me a moment to breathe.

“so good baby” he stroked the side of my face. “look” he pushed my head to the side, making me look at the tv.

“only twenty more minutes my love” i whimpered.

“come sit on daddy’s lap” i clambered over to him, situating myself on top of him with my back against his chest.

chris began massaging my tits while sucking dark marks into my neck. he moved his hand up to my mouth, sticking out two fingers for me to suck. i licked his fingers while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

“such a good girl angel”

“listen so well”

“my perfect baby”

he pulled his fingers out with a pop, trailing them down to my body and stopping right above my clit. the teasing was starting to get to me, i cried out when he stopped his movements.

“you want daddy to touch you baby?”

“please touch me daddy please i ne-“ he began rubbing my clit in tight circles with his fingers making me gasp.

“god i love the noises you make baby”

i felt something under me, grinding down on it to make sure i knew what it was.

“you feel that angel? feel how hard you made daddy again?” he rutted up into me “daddy’s gonna fuck you so good angel”

i couldn’t handle this, i wanted more, i needed more.

“please! inside…” he moved his wet fingers down to my leaking hole.

“want daddy’s fingers?”

“mhm!” i squealed out.

“you think you can handle that baby? you still got fifteen more minutes”

“yes! yes! can handle it please i need it” he shoved his fingers inside me, causing my hand to fly up and grab his hair.

“fUck” my voice broke making chris chuckle.

“such a good whore for me”

“yes daddy fuck all yours” he fingered me harder, going at a ruthless pace that started to make my legs shake. he pulled out.

“NO, please daddy please”

“i’m sorry baby, but you know you can’t cum yet” a tear fell down my face.

“don’t cry baby, here turn around and face me” i stood up, doing as he said.

chris pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his bottoms off before gesturing for me to take my seat back.

“you want daddy’s cock?” i nodded my head feverishly.

“can’t move though, you still got ten more minutes. well make a deal” he lifted me up, aligning himself with my hole, “you sit on my cock for 4 minutes, no moving, and daddy’ll fuck you after okay?” he let go of my hips, letting me sink down. i sighed, relieved to finally have him inside me. he thrusted up into me, a pornographic moan coming out of my mouth.

“i asked you a question”

“yes daddy, won’t move i promise” i moved my legs so he could be deeper inside me, making us both let out low growls.

“so warm princess, so fucking tight” i could feel him twitch inside me. i dug my face into his neck, placing small kisses on him.

chris dropped his head back, giving me more access. deciding to tease him a bit more, i licked up his neck making him groan and his cock twitch again. i sunk my teeth down into his neck, sucking dark marks into him while he let out deep whines.

“god baby i love you so much” i pulled back from his neck.

“i love you too” and leaned into him for a sweet kiss

“it’s only be 3 minutes but you’ve been so good for me tonight. you want daddy to fuck you?”

“yes yes yes please” he chuckled at my response.

“ride me baby” he placed his hands under my ass, giving me some support as i lifted myself up and sank back down. i pressed our chests together as i bounced up and down, his hands helping me move. everytime i came back down, his tip hit the sweet spot inside of me, it became too much. i started grinding on him, now slightly tired from the nights events.

chris noticed and flipped us over, pounding into me harshly while i squealed.

“god i love the noises you make” i would’ve been embarrassed normally but i couldn’t think about anything other than how far inside me he was.

“so…deep.…” my eyes rolled into the back of my head while chris lightly laughed at me, only egging me on more.

“only four more minutes baby”

i whined, i know he was trying to make me feel better but i could only think about how long four minutes really was.

chris slowed down his thrusts, feeling me clench around him. he pulled all the way out before slamming back into me, making me cry out each and every time. i couldn’t tell you how long that lasted, i was so fucked out that i didn’t know which way was up, nonetheless how much time had passed.

before i knew it, chris started at his normal pace again, still as hard as before. i dug my nails into his back, causing him to groan at the pain.

“fuck CHRIS i can’t hold it” i knew i was close.

“you can baby, i know you can, only one more minute. you can do that for me can’t you?” i whimpered as a tear fell from my eye, quickly being kissed away by chris.

“it’s okay my love, you’re okay. i’ve got you” he touched his forehead to mine, still thrusting harshly into me but slower.

i turned my head to look at the tv again. thirty seconds. i clenched around him.

“don’t fucking do it y/n, be good for me” his switch of tone shocked me but gave me the motivation to hold back.

“not … wanna be good” i mumbled. chris kissed me , quickly shoving his tongue in my mouth to distract me.

“fifteen seconds baby, you ready?” i nodded my head as his pace became ruthless. i screamed, scratching his back before he had to hold my arms down. i heard the tv beep loudly.

5

“almost there baby”

4

“you’ve got this”

3

“my perfect girl”

2

“holy fuck”

1

my orgasm washed over me, my legs shaking and my body trembling as i tried to catch my breath. i tightened around chris, watching his eyes roll back as i felt him shoot into me made this all worth it. he stopped himself from collapsing on top of me, instead pulling me so we were both on our sides, foreheads pressed together while we continued to catch our breath.

“you okay baby?” he asked between breaths.

“happy new year!” i flung my hands up, my words coming out more as squeaks than discernable syllables. chris laughed at me, pulling me closer.

“happy new year”

a/n- lmao remember when i was like “i’m gonna take a break. anyway, unsure how i feel abt this but i’ve had the idea for weeks. sorry it’s late but

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[mechanicalpiper]

Hey so I know your busy doing important things (And hearts out for whatever your doing) but I just had another idea come to mind that maybe you could put in a catalog for the future!

"Villain has just been defeated in a long battle by Hero and has decided to try a bit of seduction to win the day. However, Hero is Touch Starved to hell and back and cries at the slightest nice touch/caress"

Bonus points for some heart clenching fluff

Yours truly!

Cooper

You ever procrastinate so hard you start and finish an entirely different project?

By FAR the sappiest and most hurt/comfort-y I've done and was stupidly fun to write. Enjoy :3

Snippet #8

The sounds of strike after strike rang out through the empty city street.

Hero and Villain were once more locked in a tense brawl- nothing new, of course. It had become second nature to them by now- when you spend almost every other day scrapping with the same person for years, it's not hard to get used to it. Hell, with how familiar the two had gotten with each other's fighting styles by now, it was easy for either of them to just let their mind wander while they brawled if they just weren't feeling too up to it that day.

Hero was certainly having one of those days.

They semi-consciously blocked Villain's strikes and threw blows back, less like they were brawling for the safety of the city and more like they were doing a boring day job. An entirely different focus was on their mind... one that had stuck around for a while now. A thought? A worry? A feeling, or the lack of one? Hero couldn't tell by now.

They quickly ducked out of the way just in time as Villain threw a kick at their head, knocking them out of their train of thought and back into full consciousness.

Yeah, fuck, they were fighting Villain. Almost forgot.

Villain certainly took notice of their sudden attention. "Oh, THERE you are. C'mon, can't you at least focus? It's so much less fun when you zone out like that."

"Whuh-? Pff, fun? I'm here to stop you from committing murder, not for a little playdate." Hero grumbled back at their rival, still not fully back at attention.

"Hm. Certainly not the attitude from our first battle. Losing your touch, maybe?" Villain taunted back.

"You wish."

"I don't think I need to. You seem to be dulling just fine without help."

"Still sharper than you. I was winning without paying attention! You couldn't beat my subconscious, how do you expect to beat the rest of me?" As Hero shot back, a tiny smile began to form on their face. Wow, it's been a while since they've bantered in combat like this... it felt nice to just speak with someone, even if that someone was Villain, of all people.

"PFFFF. Winning? The only reason you're not bleeding out on the concrete right now is because I'm having fun with this. I spared you there, y'know~" Villain taunted, a confident grin on their face.

"Yeah, riiiight. How about you actually do something threatening before making simple empty thr-"

Hero was cut off by a sudden feeling- they brought a forearm up to block a strike from Villain, but instead of the expected punch, they felt a grab.

A... grab?

Hero froze in place for the slightest moment.

It was only a split second, but it felt like ages, as if their brain was desperately trying to to cling onto the brief moment. The slightest sensation.

Villain's touch was soft.

Yet, despite everything, the moment was still over far too quickly. Hero hardly even considered why Villain would go for a grab in the moment- by the time they processed the fact it was an attack, it was far too late.

Villain turned around to throw Hero against the concrete wall of the building behind them.

They let out a yelp of pain as they slammed backwards into the wall. After the touch, the motion of being thrown, the hard hit... Hero was far too disoriented to get back into action, let alone stay balanced. Unable to stand up, they just slid down against the wall with a small groan of pain until they found themself at a sitting position, defeated.

Villain let out a small, cocky giggle, stepping closer to Hero to look down at them.

Hero, while still rather disoriented, looked up to see Villain towering over them. ...Wow.

"Is that 'threatening' enough for you, sweetie~?" Villain taunted once more, looking down at the defeated Hero with cocky confidence. God, they loved the feeling of the weakened Hero looking up at them. Always felt nice to win against them.

Hero was already ignoring the pain.

Their brain latched onto that one word- one Villain didn't so much as emphasize saying, like it was nothing special.

Sweetie??

A pet name. A pet name??? Villain called them a pet name??? Sure, they've heard of it being used for taunting before, and really never thought much of it, but- but something about it felt so, so different. When was the last time they were acknowledged like that? Was there a last time? Why did just being acknowledged feel so good? Fuck, they shouldn't like this, they were beat up and lying against a wall with their arch nemesis towering over them, taunting them, but- but not k-killing them? It shouldn't feel... c-comforting, should it?...

...'Sweetheart'...

Villain just looked down at Hero, their cocky expression switched to mild confusion. They certainly didn't react like they were in much pain... Hero's face wasn't that red before, was it?

"Hm. Losing focus agai-"

Hero shook their head 'no' almost instantly, cutting Villain off in mild surprise. They were definitely paying attention, alright, but...

Villain slightly cocked their head at Hero, thinking for a moment. The pause was only a second or two, though. They were quick to get back to teasing, assuming they were simply overthinking a weird reaction.

"Hmmm~" they muttered, crouching down to get level with their defeated rival, keeping that same smug, satisfied look.

"See? I could've taken you out like that aaany time I wanted~"

Hero looked off to the side, as if trying to hide from the other's gaze- Villain's confidence only grew seeing the embarrassment they wanted out of Hero.

At least, what they saw as embarrassment. While that certainly was an aspect of it... it wasn't why Hero's attention diverted like that. Their thoughts weren't the feelings of humiliation and defeat Villain assumed.

An entirely different focus was on their mind.

A thought?

A worry?

A feeling, or the lack of one?

It could be any of them. It could depend on the circumstance. It could technically fall under every one of them, with the right logic.

Hero didn't know nor care.

All they knew is what it felt like right now.

It's a fear.

A fear of this. This emotion.

The first time in memory they've felt so... acknowledged, so strangely comfy- the only time they could have this feeling was when their nemesis was using it to taunt them. The only thing they were ever really seen or known for is their protection of the city. The Agency was obviously impersonal and corporate, other Heroes saw them as an antisocial business partner, the citizens of course only liked them for the protection, and they had nobody else outside of that despite their years of previous efforts.

The only value others saw in them was the tangible benefit they provided. The only value they saw in themself was just that. They so, so badly wanted this feeling of comfort, but they so, so deeply believed they didn't deserve it.

Believed the only way they could ever be worth loving is when it was a punishment like this.

All Villain saw was Hero looking off to the side. Zoning out again? They mumbled something to themself, leaning down just a little more.

Hero didn't always used to do that. It had them worried, honestly. It only began somewhat recently, but it was absolutely constant.

Villain felt bad. Yeah, their public motive was always money or power or whatever evil plot they had for the week would accomplish, and while those certainty were good benefits, they weren't the reason they did it.

They did it for Hero.

They weren't joking when they said they were messing with them for fun earlier. It started as just a want to fight, but the second they came across Hero, they couldn't keep themself away. At first it was simply their fighting style being fun, as Villain justified it to themself. Then the wit in their banter was more entertaining than others. Then they provided the biggest challenge. Then... well, Villain couldn't deny a sense of warmth when they were around Hero.

They had so much personality, so much energy, but as time passed it felt like they got less so. Villain was almost scared to watch it. Not because it was more fun to fight them, but rather... well, they had to admit to themself they just didn't want to see Hero so thoroughly unhappy. So sapped of life.

Villain took one hand and gently swooped it under Hero's chin, turning their head back to face them and lifting their chin a little. Hero flinched a little, but didn't pull back.

"Hey. Pay attention, sweetie."

Hero's breathing got slightly quicker. Shallower. Starting off subtle, it ramped up.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, hOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT.

The feeling of Villain's hand was the best thing they'd ever felt. In their life. They didn't know anything could be this soft, any temperature could be this comforting and warm, that any grip could be so firm yet gentle, that any gaze could be so powerful yet soft- they were completely hyperventilating, tears welling in their eyes. They didn't want to trust it, but they wanted the comfort too badly to treat this rationally. They'd never felt anything so unbelievably wonderful. They wanted it so, so bad.

Villain couldn't stop themself from gasping. They certainly weren't expecting that reaction, but seeing Hero just break down like that, they were absolutely overcome with the heat of the moment need to just... protect them. Comfort them.

Only a moment later, the two simultaneously fell into an impulsive hug.

Villain squeezed Hero tightly against them as Hero buried their face in Villain's shoulder. Hero completely stopped thinking about their doubts- only one thing mattered right now, and that was Villain. It was so unbelievably comfy, warm, happy, soft, safe... years of built up serotonin was flooding out all at once, and it only got better as Villain brought one hand up from the hug to run it through Hero's hair.

They'd never been this much of an absolute mess. They'd never been this happy in their life.

Villain just continued holding Hero tight.

Minutes passed. Neither wanted the moment to end.

But finally, after what felt like years, Hero's breathing finally began to get deeper again. Villain let out a relived sigh, though didn't quite let go yet, allowing Hero's tears to dry and breathing to fully steady. Villain stayed patient as Hero got calmer and calmer until their desperate squeeze against Villain finally relaxed.

Hero felt the safest they ever had, and Villain couldn't be happier. The idea that they were rivals didn't even cross either of their minds- it just felt so right.

"...How're you feeling?"

Hero answered in a quiet, vulnerable, satisfied whisper, more emotion in their voice than Villain had ever heard.

"...n-needed this."

For the first time in ages, an entirely new focus was on Hero's mind.

A thought?

A worry?

A feeling?

They were certainly leaning towards it being a feeling.

That feeling was love.

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓

"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist

pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.8k words

warnings: explicit language, a lil bit of angst w/ a wholesome ending<3

summary: in which you and steve take a late-night trip to your favorite diner

general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fall 1985

It was four long hours of your life that you’d never get back. But, you were glad that all of the work that you had to force yourself to do all night was finally over. 

It was somehow always in moments like these— where you procrastinated until the last possible second to do something that had been assigned weeks ago— that you sincerely wanted to drop out of college; and you’d barely even been there three months. But you also knew that you definitely could not do that because of your parents. 

So, instead of even pondering that thought too much, you pushed through and forced yourself to start and finish a project for your Psychology class that involved a shit ton of writing and research. It was a project that now made your head pound heavily in your skull from focusing on that one tedious thing for hours upon hours. 

With a loud sigh, you closed the books you had open and then stood up from your desk. A part of you wanted to immediately flop onto your bed and fall asleep, but then there was the other part that wanted to do something else entirely. And then suddenly the thought of the diner that was only ten minutes away and had amazing milkshakes became the only thing on your mind.

You switched out of the wrinkly old t-shirt you had on and put on a different oversized one that was less wrinkled, and then slipped on a pair of sweatpants. Steve was sleeping right then, you were pretty certain of it, but you still wanted to give him the opportunity to partake in this impulsive late-night decision you were making. So, when you exited your room, you headed toward his and walked in. 

You refrained from turning on the light because you didn’t want to startle him awake, and instead simply sat down on the edge of his bed and lightly poked his back before whispering, “Hey.”

He only shifted a little bit and didn’t turn to face you. “Hm?”

“I just finished my stupid fucking midterm project for Psych and I’m going to the diner because I’m in dire need of a strawberry milkshake. You wanna come?” 

“It’s one in the morning,” He mumbled, still barely moving and you weren’t entirely sure how he was actually able to be so accurate with what time it was. 

You took his response as his way of saying no without actually saying it. And honestly, you weren’t too surprised by that answer because it was then that you remembered that his shift at Family Video earlier had been longer, and apparently more annoying, than usual. So, you decided not to try and further convince him to come to the diner with you. 

“Okay, I’ll be back in an hour,” You said as you got up from his bed. “I’ll bring you back onion rings and your own milkshake. You can have it for breakfast when you wake up.”

“I’ll come,” Steve said before you left the room. He finally shifted around and sat up so that he was facing you. “The onion rings will suck in the morning.”

“Very true,” You nodded and then smiled as he got up and found a random hoodie to put on. “I’m sorry for waking you up, but I’m glad you’re joining me on this little adventure.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You drove Steve’s car, because you liked driving it more than your own, and he slept the entire ten-minute ride to the diner formally known as “Third Street.” The name had always been somewhat amusing to you because the small place was actually on a street called Cliffview. 

It was empty aside from one man sitting at the counter with a coffee mug in his hand and a woman occupying a booth, reading a book with a soda and a plate of fries in front of her. You briefly wondered what their stories were, what brought them to a diner at nearly one-thirty in the morning. 

You and Steve took your usual seats at the booth that you always sat at, and even though Robin and Eddie weren’t there at that moment, you two still decided to sit on the same side of the booth; it felt like second nature to do so. There was probably never a moment where you and Steve didn’t sit on the same side of any booth.

Since there was barely anyone in the diner right then, your orders were quickly taken by your waitress Cheryl, and they came out much faster too— a strawberry milkshake for you, a vanilla one for Steve, and a plate of onion rings for you two to share. 

You took a long sip of your drink and internally sighed in contentment because somehow that milkshake made all the work you’d done and the fact that you were keeping yourself awake to come here even though you were exhausted completely worth it. 

The two of you ate and drank your milkshakes in comfortable silence for a little while before Steve scooched down a bit in the seat and leaned his head on your shoulder.

“I actually am really sorry for waking you up,” You told him. “I forgot how long your shift was today, and I know you’re so fucking tired right now.” 

“The onion rings and milkshake make it okay,” He mumbled, and you couldn’t see him, but you had the strongest feeling that his eyes were closed. “Tell me about your project.”

You reached for your drink, taking a sip from it before responding. “Hearing about that will definitely put you to sleep.”

Steve hummed. “Maybe I wanna hear a bedtime story.”

You laughed a bit. “Okay, well in that case, definitely not because I don’t wanna get dirty looks from the other people in here when you start loudly snoring.”

“I don’t snore.”

“Mhm, yeah, of course, you don’t,” You said, the sarcasm completely evident in your tone, and he poked your side which made you laugh again.

You placed your hands in the pocket of the hoodie he was wearing because they were cold from you holding your glass. “Okay, this has nothing to do with that dumb project… But, um, how mad do you think my parents would be if I dropped out of school?”

Steve’s answer came immediately. “They would blame me somehow and kill me.”

“That would quite literally never happen,” You said with a shake of your head. “My parents love you too much to be mad at you for longer than even an hour.”

“Okay, yeah, maybe that’s true. So, instead, they’d actually kill you, and then that would suck more for me than you because I’d have to live without you.”

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment,” You said with a small laugh before grabbing an onion ring.

“But, anyway, you’re not quitting school, so this hypothetical situation doesn’t matter,” Steve told you and then lifted his head off of your shoulder so that he could take a quick sip of his milkshake. “You were barely able to convince them that you didn’t want to go to the University of Chicago. I think they’re still somewhat in mourning over that.” 

Probably from the moment you became old enough to even think about college, your parents were pushing the idea of the University of Chicago onto you. Both of them had gone so it felt like the obvious choice for you to “follow in their footsteps;” well, the obvious choice mainly in their eyes. And for a while, you were okay with going in that direction because it felt like an easy option, and you were way too fucking smart not to get in, and when January rolled around you found out that you did. 

But then the thought of leaving Indiana, leaving your friends, leaving Steve, became something that no longer felt “okay” to you. And then there was the fact that you were still completely unsure what you even wanted to do, so it felt dumb to you to go to a school that was really good and really expensive without a solid “plan” for your future.

However, your parents were way too persistent and strong-willed to let you give it up that easily. So the compromise that was ultimately settled upon was that you’d do the two years of community college here at the one close by and then you’d transfer to the University of Chicago and finish your last two years there.

At first, the thought of that felt fine to you, but now it felt like something that you weren’t sure if you actually wanted to do anymore, even though it was still basically two years away. 

“Sometimes it just feels like a waste of time,” You said with a small sigh. “I still haven’t found that thing yet. My thing. What I wanna do.”

“You’ll find it.”

“Maybe it would be a good thing if I did quit, though. I could work at Family Video with you and Robin. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Yeah, it would be,” Steve nodded. “But, you don’t really wanna do that.”

You started picking at the now half-eaten plate of onion rings that sat between you two. “Technically, that’s true. But, that’s only because I don’t know what I wanna do at all.” 

“I think you just gotta give it some time. You’re way too smart not to be in college right now. One day you’ll walk into some class and it will all just suddenly click into place for you,” He told you, and he sounded so certain and sure. 

Somehow his encouraging words always managed to placate your thoughts; the type of existential thoughts that would usually only happen in the middle of the night. And you were glad that you had Steve to pull you back up before you spiraled harder. 

You let his words sit for a second before you slipped out of the booth and went over to the counter, smiling at Cheryl as you paid the bill. When you went back, settling in your spot next to Steve, he slung an arm around your shoulders. 

“If you did actually quit school, I’d fully take the blame and let your parents kill me,” He told you.  

You knew that you weren’t going to do it; you’d never be able to muster up the courage to pull the trigger. Therefore, you would instead just continue to live in this awkward phase that felt weird at times and hope that it would eventually work itself out. 

However, it was still nice to hear Steve’s words right then. 

“Thank you,” You responded, smiling at him and then mimicking his words from earlier. “But if you did that, then I would be the one suffering more because I’d have to live without you.”

He nodded thoughtfully at that. “Okay, new plan then. We just let them murder both of us.”

You laughed a bit as you pushed yourself even closer to him, putting your hands into his hoodie pocket once again. “Deal.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<333

(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)

[hwajin]

#! — ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴜɴᴛᴏʟᴅ | hhj

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smut, angst

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: fem!reader x hyunjin

ᴡᴄ: 1.8k

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs/ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: oral sex (fem receiving), unresolved/ unspoken feelings, hyunjins a simp 🤭 had this idea before love untold was released and it turned to be a whole different vibe but hope you enjoy <33

"I gotta go..."

Your words were muffled, spoken lazily against Hyunjin's lips, against lips that never seemed to ease, that never seemed to get enough of you, your taste.

"Mhh..., stay a bit."

Hyunjin broke the kiss only to whisper an answer, and his tongue interlaced with yours right after, for the nth time this night. You'd expected him to say that - he always tried to procrastinate the moment of seperation. Never seemed to want you out of his bed.

It weren't just his lips that were restless. His hands roamed your body beneath the duvets, reminding you in more than one way that he wanted you to be with him, that he needed you beside him, that he yet didn't get enough of you around him. With Hyunjin; you weren't sure if it was simply pleasure that he was seeking. With Hyunjin; it always felt more than it should feel, but maybe that was his persona. Always affectionate and his heart on his sleeve. Or maybe there was more to his seemingly fragile heart, more that he hid off before you.

"I can't... this isnt what we agreed on."

You'd lie saying you didn't enjoy it. Lie if you said you were desperate to get up and go home, lie if you said that his soft spoken words, only whispered in the dim of the room, that his hands longing for your body left you cold. But it wasn't, in fact, what you had agreed on. And if you stayed any longer, another hour or two, your feelings would cause damage you feared to be irreversible.

"Hmm... what have we agreed on, baby?"

That word - baby, so simple, yet a nickname - was one of the things you had agreed on not to do. And you knew that he knew. It was the rule all pairs made when a friendship developed into one of physical nature. To say that forbidding feelings was easy though, it'd be a lie. Because somehow the lingering touches Hyunjin left on your skin, the ones that burned like fire whenever you stepped out of his place and into the cold were hard to ignore, and the remaining smell you left in his sheets a reminder of what could be, and what currently is. Because somehow you wanted to please not only your body but your mind, everyone did. And somehow Hyunjin seemed like the perfect choice, though he was the only one your heart was supposed to be immune against.

"I need to remind you? What we agreed on?"

You didn't. He didn't need reminding, yet he'd ask you to nevertheless, because somehow you knew that his heart, supposed to be immune against you, wasn't either after all. Always teased for more. Always crossed another boundary the two of you had set. As friends that fucked, not as a pair that loved.

"Mhmm... remind me."

His voice was dark, soft, sending a shiver right up the bones of your spine. He was intoxicating, the way his body felt close to yours, how your limbs were entangled in a way it was too much already, if you were tedious. You've crossed every boundaries at this point, breaking your own rules. Rules to protect your hearts, rules that took a toll on them eventually. And Hyunjin started kissing down your body, changed his position to hover over you, movement but he did it so swiftly that you almost missed the moment he was atop you. Face in your neck. Hands on your hips. Breath against your skin, hot, urging for more.

"We said we won't be doing couple stuff... remember?"

He did remember, you knew, very well so. You also knew well that none of you really cared much anymore, not for the rule, nor for breaking it. Yet none of you wanted to admit. Was brave enough to, so you continued walking in the dark, continued questioning if it was ever okay to want more. To have Hyunjin fully. His lips further down your throat, grazing the thin layer of skin. Feeling your pulse for a moment, smirking at the speed of it. Hands on yoru thighs now, not missing a chance to linger.

"You staying the night isn't couple stuff.", a short break, as if he's collecting his words, "We'd be having sex. That's very friends with benefits to me."

He said the title with disgust, almost, as though forgetting he was the one who came up with the idea. Arguing it was a good one. Arguing it would give the both of you what you wanted, needed. Maybe it had started back then. Maybe all rules of the world would have been futile from that very moment, because Hyunjin had known he had broken them all already, when he had spoken out the words. Because maybe his heart had been set on you long before, and maybe yours was bound to him as well. Without your knowing, in full secret. Yet bound.

Hyunjin's lips never ceased to leave your skin. Only parting to speak, and even then his breath felt hot on you, marked you in places only he got to see, he got to touch, kiss, bite down on. His teeth grazed into the plush of your breasts, shortly, quickly, as though only dipping his toes into the whole of you - despite having had you fully not hours ago. You sucked in your breath, the wet of his mouth when he bit left over a patch of cold on your burning skin. He eyed your moves through the black of his lashes, yet your lids were closed. You'd fall too deep if you locked gazes with him, you were sure of it. Because his eyes had a depth you couldn't possibly comprehend, couldn't understand. And it was too easy to get lost within it.

You couldn't audibly object his words - having sex, being called over only for sex, even if it lasted a whole night - it wasn't all too intimate, could easily be defined as two people seeking for pleasure only. If it wasn't Hyunjin, though, and if it wasn't you in his bed. Because in his moves, as he made his way further down your body, as he kept kissing the softness of your flesh - there was an intimacy too forbidden for the label you had put onto yourselves. There was no way denying it, and yet neither of you spoke it out aloud.

Instead you gasped, for air or for composure, you weren't all too sure. The reason didn't quite matter though, after all; not when Hyunjin's teeth grazed the sensitive of your skin, while his breath ignited a fire wherever it fanned your body, when his tongue dragged wetness across the naked of your lower tummy, until he teasingly kissed over the heat of your cunt. Gave kitten licks to your clit, not for your pleasure, but for his. Not to get you there, but to taste you on his tongue. Because Hyunjin thought it couldn't possibly get better than this; snugged in between your thighs, mouth full of you. It was addicting, made him want you in his bed for an eternity. And maybe it was more than sheer pleasure.

His tongue laid flat atop your slit, thick muscle lapping up your wetness, the sweet of your arousal. Humming against you as he did, sending delicious waves up the bones of your spine. You felt him all over you, yet it could never be enough, you thought. Your head was spinning at that point. Not forming coherent thoughts, only focus on the way Hyunjin's tongue made you feel - good wasn't a big enough word for it. Harsher growing licks and your knuckles drew white from the intensity of grabbing the sheets beneath you, and a pool of sweet anticipation flooded your guts - you were so close it hurt, and easing of the pain would be possible only by shoving Hyunjin's face further, deeper into your pussy. So your fingers found the softness of his locks, the mess of his strands that he hadn't tamed since morning and you pulled, arching your back simultaneously; anything to have him nearer.

The man's reaction was nothing if not primal; a groan past his throat, a rut of his hips against the mattress that never would ease him off - not the way you could, anyways -, a caging arm around your thigh, if holding you down or for his own stability, it was unsure. His tongue ever moving, up and down, side to side; anything to get you nearer.

The slick on Hyunjin's skin was uncomfortable, the residue of precum dampening the long dirty sheets beneath him. It was nasty, filthy. You had spent hours upon hours in his room, his bed, without leaving it; the substances that soaked into the material were unholy, as was the smell that was a stark reminder of the things you've been doing since you first waddled past the door. But Hyunjin was obsessed with it, loved it every bit. Loved having you like this, loved you had him like this, that you were reluctant to leave after all. Loved how your legs as though contracted in waves of elictricity, shuddered with every other lick Hyunjin gave to your slit, your clit, with every messy kiss he planted on the plush of your thighs. Until your back threw back on the cushion, and his bruised lips were covered in creamy slick that dribbled down his chin; not that it bothered him, he kept going, cleaned you up with what he had, lapped up your orgasm as much as he could. You were shaking still, squirming in his hold, broken moans a sign of how he made you feel - it was always more than just an ego boost, to know he got you to a state of mindlessness.

And the urge to kiss you was unbearable, to merge mouths and make you taste yourself on his tongue; but he didn't, for it would make him lose. Control and composure, any bit of self respect he had left, when the matter was you. So he brought the back of his hands up his lips, wiped once to get your taste off him. And he laid beside your spent figure, chest heaving up and down, eyes closed. And the only thing Hyunjin could do was hope. That you'd change your mind and stay, for hours more, til the sun rose up. That you'd change your mind altogether, when it came to him; so days like this wouldn't feel lonely at heart, so nights where you did end up leaving wouldn't come with a fear to never have you again, not in intimacy. That nights where you did stay wouldn't be ripe with regret, that eventually, there wouldn't be any boundaries the pair of you could break.

@etherealeeknow @linoskitty @unexceptional-h @rseanne @es-kay-zee @urcracksisx @jeyelleohe @yunkiwii @etheralsung @nyrasneedy @seochhj @spidercomics @chans-starlight @angelwonie @lix-ables @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @sstarryreads @svintsandghosts @bokjaz @llunapastell

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[gemini-sensei]

In hindsight, sleeping with your best friend in a one-night stand wasn't the smartest idea. Reader contemplated that as she stared at the variety of pregnancy tests on the shelf, trying to figure out which one would be her best option.

Beside her, her best friend was reading on his phone.

Then he pointed at the shelf. "This one should be it."

"Like, it's one hundred percent legit?" she asked.

Hawk grabbed the box of two ClearBlue pregnancy tests and started reading the back of the box. After a moment, he said, "Yeah, this is it."

"Then let's get it."

When they walked up the the cashier, the woman - not too much older than them, probably just out of college - didn't say much. She told them how much it was, gave them a bag, and then said, "Good luck, you two."

Reader felt that. It sent a shiver up her back as she walked to the door. Hawk carried the bag with their single box of two pregnancy tests. He opened the car door for her and she glared at him, then slid into her seat and slammed the door shut.

When he got in, he put the bag in the backseat. "I know you're not weak if that's what you're thinking."

She huffed. "Then don't open doors for me."

"Excuse me for being gentlemen-ly," he sighed.

They didn't argue further. It was only a distraction from what they were really facing. They drove in silence, not even listening to the radio. The ride wasn't long and the pair of friends found themselves wishing it was longer, so Hawk took them to get lunch and brought it back to his house.

The entire time they ate, the bag with the box inside sat on a chair. Reader kept eyeing it, feeling as though it was watching her with no eyes. What it meant as it sat there was more than she could really picture or really encapsulate it. There was something scary about it, something neither she nor Hawk would talk about.

Instead, she thought about how they got there, eating fast food on his couch while they procrastinated the inevitable.

They'd hopped into bed together a few weeks ago on a whim one lonely night. Usually, two best friends sleeping together ended in the two becoming a couple but that didn't end up happening for them. They just didn't talk about it and thought they never had to talk about it again, but low and behold here they were having to talk about it and the potential outcome of forgetting to use condoms.

Hawk threw a balled-up wrapper in the to-go bag and turned to Reader. "You ready?"

She looked up at him, sucking down her drink. "No, but I'll do it."

He gave a nervous smile. "I mean, you kind of have to be the one to..."

"Yeah, yeah," she said and sighed. She slammed her drink down, stood up, snatched the bag from the chair to her side, and started walking to the bathroom. She only hoped he didn't see the way her hands were shaking before she slammed the door shut. "Goddammit."

After several minutes in the bathrooms, Hawk came to the door and knocked. "You know, you don't have to do this alone."

She opened the door and looked at him. "Good because I can't look at it. Just fucking look at it."

He nodded and slipped past her. She stood there, unable to turn around and even look at him as he looked at the tests. She'd taken both just to make sure, to be two hundred percent certain.

It was quiet for a moment and Reader closed her eyes, waiting.

Then she felt Hawk come up behind her. He put his head on her shoulder and his hands slipped around her waist, coming to lay on her belly. That was how she knew.

"Goddammit," she whispered, eyes brimming with tears.

"Hey hey hey," he mumbled, rubbing her waist and looking at her, but she wouldn't look at him. "Reader... Reader, look at me."

She still wouldn't, so he turned her around by her hips and held her. She stared at his collarbone instead of him, tears slowly slipping down her cheeks. He gently squeezed her wide hips in an attempt to get her attention but it didn't work.

So he took her face in his hands and brought her eyes up. "Hey, it's gonna be okay."

"It's not okay, though," she cried, hands shaking at her sides. "This wasn't how it was supposed to be."

"What do you mean?" he asked softly. He looked over her face, never wanting to see her like that. She was his best friend, of course, he didn't want her to be upset. "What's wrong?"

"You're my best friend. We're not... we're not together. We can't have a baby," she told him, looking away from him. She caught sight of them in the mirror and saw the way he held her waist, held her close, in his strong arms like he was supposed to protect her. She shook her head and cried.

He turned her face to look at him again. "It doesn't have to be like that."

She sniffled, trying to calm herself down. "What do you mean?"

"I love you, Reader," he told her.

She shook her head again. "You're only saying that because of the baby..."

"You're my best friend," he said, holding her firmly. "That doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you, Reader. And I should have told you that the night we slept together, the night I should have made love to you so you knew that. It wasn't just a one-and-done for me, but... I didn't know how to say it before."

She stared at him, still crying. He wiped her eyes with his thumbs and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes and hugged him, and he wrapped his arms around her securely. He held her curvy body against his muscled chest, holding her safe and sound as he kissed the side of her head.

"We've got this," he whispered. His lips rested on the side of her face sweetly. "I've got you."

She calmed down slowly but surely. Once she was sure she could speak steadily, she took a deep breath. "I love you, too, Eli."

He pulled away from her and looked at her, then brought her into a kiss. She gave it back in full force, putting a hand on the back of his neck. It was deep and passionate, pulling them from friends to more. It was safety and love and like coming home.

He started leading her to the bedroom, never breaking from her lips. One hand slipped up her shirt while the other pushed the door open, carefully leading her. She carried special cargo now and he wanted to get her to the bed easily but didn't want to stop kissing her. She was too tantalizing.

But as she undid his pants, he knew they had time. He'd get to make love to her like he should have done a long time ago.

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

[filmbyjy]

TWITTER SUCKS! > thirty-five! my other half

synopsis > who knew you could become famous overnight for paying $8 for a single blue checkmark? however, it does come with consequences…what happens when the actual BELIFT Lab comes knocking at your door. all because you simply impersonated your bias.

masterlist | previous | end

a/n: i am so sorry this took soooo long but i was procrastinating and i was mentally recuperating. blaming my studio project for this 😍 this is the final chapter of TWITTER SUCKS! it's also a little chaotic and honestly have a feeling i lost my writer's touch since i haven't wrote in a long time. however, thank you for joining me on this ride and sticking around till the end! I will be coming back with more writings and hopefully continuing with the series that I had before! of course, the new smau that will come out eventually ‘Collie Duty’ which I have no plans to release just yet😪 but it will be released maybe in the second half of 2023!

[placing this in case the read more messed up]

who knew after an incident that so happened to go viral. to the point where you were kidnapped and threatened to be sued by BELIFT, would actually get you to meet lee heeseung and be his girlfriend.

the past 7 months you could never have thought that. it had only been 7 months but it felt like a whole year when it happened. somehow it felt nostalgic looking back the tweets you had. it was hectic. complete 0.01% chance of this happening to anyone in the world. yet, somehow you were blessed to have gone through this.

you managed to steal heeseung’s heart. you made new friends but they’re actual idols (read: enhypen). you became famous. fought a company for a stupid reason which was that you were impersonating their idol. you even kicked a creepy staff out of BELIFT! which, you weren’t surprised. she’s a sasaeng at this point. maybe worse.

but oh my god, dating lee heeseung. it’s such a blessing-

“princess?” heeseung waves his hand in front of you. “are you having an inner monologue or something?” he snorts.

you rolled your eyes, “do you never have an inner monologue?”

“no? why would I?”

“lame. you ain’t in your main character era.”

“princess, I’m always the main character and you know it.” he smirks. you shoved him lightly.

“god, you’re starting to sound like sunghoon.”

“hmm, it’s as if I haven’t been living with him for the past 3 years.” he says with sarcasm.

“did you and sunoo have some sass off or something? why are you so sassy today?”

“sorry, I just don’t understand why some ENGENEs don’t appreciate the dancers’ hard work. I mean I get they’re girls but fucking hell, we’re just dancing to the choreo given to us.”

“well, do you want my honest opinion?”

“oh are you jealous too, princess?” he smirks a little.

“yeah, I am but i’m jealous of you. not the dancers. they’re hot. do you have their numbers by the w-”

“no. I don’t text the dancers so you can’t have their numbers.” he sulks.

“aww, is my little heeseung angy.” you cooed at heeseung. he huffs.

“angy isn’t even a word.”

“in my books it is and besides you’re so cute when you’re jealous.”

“I thought you’d be mad.”

“pfftt why would I be mad. I know it’s just a dance, you’ve practiced this for months. which makes it even better for the chemistry.”

“yeah but my part has you know…”

“what? her just literally trailing her hands on your arms? I mean it did get me jealous but at the end of the day, who are you kissing?” you smirked.

“you…” heeseung pouts.

“exactly.” you smiled. “i’m not worried about you cheating on me, heeseung. besides, I don’t think you could cheat on me because you love me too much.”

“you’re right.” heeseung grabs your hand and squeezes it. “I love you too much for that.”

“that’s my boy.” you proudly say.

meanwhile, on the other side of the wall.

“jayyyyy.” mae whines. jay smirks.

“what is this? my girlfriend is acting all whiny? it’s like you and (name) noona switched bodies.”

“urghh i’m sorry i’m having period cramps.” mae complains. jay’s eyes widened.

he gasps, “my queen is in pain? oh my god, let me go grab tons of period care things!” jay runs out of the room.

there was a scream across the hall.

“YAHHH NISHIMURA RIKI!!! DID YOU USE MY FACIAL WASH???” subin yells.

there were a couple of haste footsteps, which only meant…

“NOONA WAIT!” ni-ki yells out. let's all pray for ni-ki that he gets out alive safely.

"YAH YAH! break it up!" jungwon yells.

both you and heeseung could hear the commotion in the background but you could careless about what was going on because...

"it's you and me against this world, princess." heeseung purrs.

"are you trying to seduce with 'Bite Me' or something?" you deadpans.

"what? no-" heeseung sighs. "forget it. I was just being romantic."

you narrowed your eyes at heeseung, "anyways, i heard you guys are gonna start with world tours soon."

"ah, right. the 'fate' world tour. will you be watching it?"

"do you think i'm made of money? heeseung, i'm a broke college student."

"you have a job?"

"a mere cafe job. that's gonna take me months to save up. i could even barely afford to buy the ‘Dark Moon’ album.” you huffed.

“aww, princess. you have me, I could’ve gotten the albums for you for free and I could’ve thrown my photocards in there for extras.” he pinches your cheeks.

"now where is the fun in that? i like the surprise element of opening albums."

"and if you don't get any of my photocards?" heeseung folds his arms.

"then too bad. oh right, i saw jay looking sooo hot in that vampire photocard-"

heeseung shuts you up with a kiss. there were screams at the door and they were both from jake and sunghoon. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying. something about how mae and jay were busy being chummy, sunoo and subin pinching each others cheeks and then kissing each other.

you couldn't bother to focus on them. not when you have such a hot boy kissing you right on the lips. the same hot boy who was also your boyfriend.

and you couldn't ask for anything better than this.

you were happy.

series taglist[closed]: @lovers-szn @shiguresohmas @moonshoon @byunappetit @strvlveera @rikisly @4lythe @lalalalawon @beansworldsstuff @enhastolemyheart @jaehaki @shinsou-rii @jeanbob @sxftiell @renchai @nyfwyeonjun @invusblog @lhees01 @donghyckl @enhafika @dimplewonie @foxsunoo @run2-gyu @lvrjjun @curly-fr13s @bubblytaetae @raikea10 @ce1ight @luvlee1313 @rizzshimura @soobisrealgfnotfake @stantxtorurmissingout @l0tisflower @jseobsky @lovelickiez @liliansun @kyanmeai @nobodyshallenter @faeryhee @pkjay @mlink64 @luxurystark-jackson @aleombre @yenqa @heestrawberries @soaen @ckline35 @http-gyu @climbingmandevillas @stopeatread @y4wnjunz @aetherlol @whippedforbeomgyu @elisabeth-02

[crumbledcastle28]

Matt Murdock: Forget

Pairing: Matt Murdock x fem!reader (she/her)

Summary: An endless cycle of reviewing is interrupted by some much needed negligence.

Warnings: SMUTTTTT, law student Matt, law student reader, probably inaccurate law school studying, p in v sex, oral (female receiving), finger licking, with a dash of dom!reader.

A/N: Something about Matt in She-Hulk really messed with my head. Here is my first marvel fic (I can’t believe that) for my fellow INFJ and love of my life. Thank you all for your patience in my lack of updates. I hope this makes up for it.

If you’d like to leave a like, comment, reblog, or ask, it would be much appreciated <3

(I completely forget where I got this gif. Please let me know if it’s yours).

Matt’s nails scratching against the scruff of his face was not helping your focus.

Neither were the rays of the city lights against his darting dark eyes.

He leaned forward on his leather couch, squeaking the fabric against his hard body, and exhaled.

“Okay,” he breathed, staring down at his case-covered coffee table. The clock behind him shined red an ungodly hour of the night as he dragged his long, slender fingers over the braille, and exhaled again.

“We know the defendant’s breach of duty, and we know the plaintiff’s sufferance of an injury.”

You “mhmed” him along as he spoke, grateful he could not see your eyes glued to his hands gliding down the page…

…or so you thought.

“We just don’t have proof that the defendant’s breach actually caused the injury defined through proximate cause.”

You swallowed with another “mhm” and started rubbing your eyes. “Right,” you said after a moment, confirming that you heard him fully.

He sighed again and rubbed at his scruff. He was really really good at that.

“Aka the most important fucking element for a negligence case.”

He stood up at that and placed his hands on his hips. His body somehow broadened even more when he did this, and the white sleeves of his dress shirt from a day of mock court and a night of play pushed further up his forearms.

What the fuck was wrong with you?

You had a final tomorrow morning—actually this morning—and all you could think about was how much you enjoyed seeing your “study buddy” angry.

You rubbed your fingertips against your temples, trying to force yourself to fucking focus, but nothing would work. You knew nothing would work, because on any other night at this hour, the only thing on your mind would be how pretty Matt would look between your legs. Your brain had built those thoughts into your head so consistently that it became a habit. That, combined with being sleep deprived and having the man of the hour standing right in front of you, you were fucked.

Beyond fucked.

And the worst part was, you didn’t even care.

You had met Matt as an L1, first day of Civil Procedure, and something about the way his hair sat, the way his voice sounded, the way he laughed at himself, and the way he moved drew you to him like a magnet.

You had yet to leave that magnetic force, even when your trusted buffer Foggy wasn’t around. After over a year of slowly knowing Matthew Murdock, you had never loved anything else more.

Not that he knew any of that, of course.

The slap of a legal pad hitting the floor broke you from your train of thought, and Matt sat down with a huff.

You took a deep breath, centering yourself. “Why don’t we take a break?”

Matt chuckled. “A break? This entire night has been a break, Y/N.”

He was right. The two of you had gone out, much later than anticipated, and procrastinated studying to the last possible second.

And if it wasn’t for the way he said your name just then, you might have agreed.

“We’ve already been at this for two hours, Matthew,” you snapped back. “We are obviously exhausted, and like you said, we know 99% of the elements on this case. We can wake up early tomorrow, figure that out, and then take the exam afterwards. It will be fresh in our minds.”

You wanted to add and delightfully avoid staring at your stupid fucking eyes for the entirety of the night instead of the task at hand, but decided against it.

“You of all people know that that’s not how it works,” Matt replied. “Sleep is the time when the brain sorts everything together, not an hour before an exam. We need to do this tonight.”

You scoffed. “Speak for yourself. I’m going home.”

That was what made him pause, and the dimples on his cheeks disípate.

“What? You’re leaving?”

“If you’re going to sit here and panic and stress me out then yes, I’m leaving. I’m exhausted, and cramming for this won’t help.”

You stood from your seat, but Matt stood with you. Meeting you at your level, just as he always had.

“We’re in this together Y/N. You’ve said that a million fucking times.”

You breathed through your nose, continuously frustrated at his pattern of remembering seemingly everything you had ever said. “I just need to forget about this for a while, Matt. That’s all.”

With that, he made his way around the coffee table, and creased his eyebrows together fiercely. He moved closer and closer to you as he spoke.

“You think I don’t wish I could forget about this too,” he spat. “Do you honestly think I don’t want to throw all this shit out the window and spend a night with you, enjoying myself for once in my fucking life, and just forget? You think I don’t want that?”

You were frozen solid. It was unlike Matthew’s personality to raise his voice, especially around you.

He breathed rapidly, trying to regain composure.

“My whole life I’ve done what’s good, what’s right. Hell, the entire reason I’m becoming a fucking lawyer is to make things right…but there’s nothing I want less than that right now. There’s nothing I want more than to forget everything in the world but you.”

Your eyes met his unfocused ones, and you took a step closer. An unprecedented confidence overtook you, like the universe was giving you a shove, and you had no fucking clue where it was coming from.

You stood closer than you had ever been to him. Close enough to feel his hot breath on your face and his usual musk of birchwood and peppermint.

“Then forget, Matthew,” you whispered. Boldly. Making up a sexy voice that you had only heard from women in movies. “Forget with me.”

Whatever you did worked, because with one last second of rapid breathing, he slid his hands around your jaw, and attacked your mouth with his own.

Nothing could have prepared you for the addiction that was the feeling of his body against yours and his tongue in your mouth.

You immediately pulled him closer to you by his collar, kissing him so harshly your teeth clashed, and he reciprocated the motion by lifting you into the air. He backed you up into the coffee table and, with his mouth still meeting yours with a fever, single-handedly swiped every document and legal pad off the wood. You gasped as you heard the papers fly through the air and smack against the ground, but at the same time, you pressed against his crotch harder.

Something about him knowing exactly where this was going knocked every rational thought from your brain.

You moved your hands to his face and hair as he laid you down delicately and crawled over you, completely covering you with his body.

Nothing could have prepared you for that feeling either.

He moved to your neck, and his loud breathing mixed with frequent moans sent chills down your body. Your breathing matched his in volume, and you slid your hands under his shirt, desperate to feel more of him. All of him.

You smiled dreamily, already feeling completely fucked out, before asking innocently, “Do you want to taste me, Matty?”

His body shuddered at your ask, and your heart leaped to your throat.

“Please Y/N,” he groaned in your ear, “please.”

Had you ever heard him use that word before?

You chuckled. “Get on with it.”

He removed your clothes so fast you didn’t even have time to wonder why a “blind” person would know how to do that so well.

You pulled his shirt and pants off as well, but when you reached for his boxers, he politely moved your hand away.

“No,” he said softly. “If you touch me anywhere close to there I’m going to drench them.”

He giggled—giggled—at your silence, likely imagining a shocked expression etched upon you, and kissed all around your face.

“What?” he questioned. “I thought sex was about honesty.”

You laughed back. “Not necessarily brutal honesty.”

“We’re lawyers,” he countered, moving down your body with his lips.

“Not yet.”

He smiled and kissed around your stomach and hip bones, breathing deeper and slower. He was slowing himself down.

“Don’t rush me Y/N,” he whispered against your skin. “I’ve waited over a year for this.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

And then he dove in.

You were surprised your scream didn’t shatter his windows.

He mapped you out so intentionally, so thoroughly, and so unapologetically that it felt different than anything else you had ever experienced. He hit every crevice just enough to leave you wanting more before moving onto the next one, and you dug your nails into his hair to keep you tied down to earth.

“Matthew fu—fuck.”

He grinned and swirled his tongue so perfectly that the familiar rope of heat began to coil in your belly faster than you had ever had.

“I feel you. I feel you. Fuck you’re right there Y/N,” he breathed. He then moved up your body and held his fingers above your lips. You didn’t hesitate to bring them to your mouth and swirl your tongue around them, tasting a mix of his sweat and skin.

You could’ve sworn he drooled at the feeling.

You pressed a kiss to his palm before he went back to work with his fingers instead of his mouth, perfectly lathered, and when he massaged your clit just so, everything inside you imploded.

You regained feeling when Matt brushed a piece of sweaty hair from your forehead and kissed it gently.

“That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You scratched your hands up his naked back and kissed his shoulder. “Just wait until you give me a second one.”

He didn’t laugh at that. “Are you sure?”

You held his face in your hands and rubbed your thumbs over his cheekbones. “I’m sure.”

With that, a smile so big it reached his eyes etched over his beautiful face, and he kissed you long and hard.

“Okay,” he said excitedly, and reached for his discarded pants on the floor. “Alright.”

He pulled out his wallet and tore through it with shaky hands. You laughed and took it from his hands, finding the condom almost immediately.

He couldn’t stop rubbing your body.

“Classy, Murdock.”

“When am I to not be prepared?”

You kissed his nose and dragged your hand down his stomach, tracing every ab, every scar.

“I wish you could see how beautiful you are.”

He hummed, tensing up at the word, and you kissed him softly.

One day you would make him believe it.

“You can take them off now,” he said softly, and you obliged. His cock sprung free, hitting his belly, and you felt your pupils grow almost instantly.

He laughed at your silence. “That bad?”

“Yeah,” you replied, opening the condom with your teeth. “That bad.”

He laughed again, and you slid the condom over his length. He hissed as you did this, arms shaking in restraint, and you pumped him only once.

He growled through his teeth, “Careful.”

You were never that. Not with him.

He lined himself up and kissed you softly, breathing into your mouth, and slid his right hand into yours with a loving squeeze before he entered you.

You knew about Matt’s religious affiliations. You knew how close he held that to his heart and kept his moral code in check, but you weren’t that way, had never been, and never planned to be.

But when he slid inside you and the curve of him entered you just right, you had never believed in God more.

The two of you gasped cohesively when you felt how well you fit together, and Matt stayed still, forcing himself not to instantly snap his hips back.

You squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “Let go Matt. I can take it.”

And did he ever.

He rocked into you so intensely you saw stars and every molecule of oxygen from your lungs escaped you. His rocks were hard and deep, touching places inside you you didn’t even know existed.

Matt’s breath was just as stolen, and with every thrust, he had something more to say.

God Y/N you’re perfect.

I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this, but how worth it it’s been.

I’m going to believe in God for the rest of my life. The rest of my life. What else could have created you?

Let’s keep doing this. Fuck let’s do this forever.

A single tear dripped down your face, and he licked it away.

“I’m almost there,” he whispered into your ear, and gave your hand another squeeze. “Tell me how to get you there.”

You swallowed. “My—touch me where you touched me before. Right there yes right there.”

You clenched around him, and he sucked in a breath.

Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead down onto you as he said, “I’m…I’m there Y/N. I’m coming.”

You exhaled, drenched in euphoria. “I am too.”

And you went together, just like you always did.

There was nothing left in your body but pleasure. No aches or pains from stress, nor pounding in your head, there was only him. Only Matthew.

He pressed his forehead against you, still inside of you, and kissed down the bridge of your nose.

“I needed that,” he mumbled. “I need you.”

You smiled and rubbed your thumb against his shaking hand, still encapsulated in your own. “I need you too.”

He pecked the side of your mouth before moving his mouth down to your breasts, kissing all around them, before ending his feast on top of your heart. He pressed a longer kiss there before fully collapsing on top of you, exhaling in an entirely different way than before.

“Fuck this test,” he whispered, and you smiled. Feeling only him.

“Fuck this test.”

Tag list:

@leahkenobi

[nishik1]

you jealous, nishimura? — i missed you smau + written

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warnings: cursing, FLUFF!!, mentions of throwing something, mentions of killing someone, also ignore the time stamps these were made weeks apart I am not joking.

wc: estimated 500 !!NOT PROOFREAD!!

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you nearly scoff at Hanni’s text, there’s no way he could be awake. he’s clearly sleeping, right?

you look down to the seemingly sleeping Riki whose head is resting in your lap, his hair messily spread out across your lap and his face. with a soft smile on your face, you gently brush his hair out of his eyes.

“what the fuck!” you hand jolted back when his eyes suddenly shot open.

“why are you yelling?” he said slightly laughing at your reaction

“I thought you were sleeping, clearly I was wrong” you let out a chuckle as you flick his forehead.

“so did you really just come over here to sleep?” you said as you watched him close his eyes again.

“of course not!” he scoffed, shooting you a dirty look. did you really think he’d come to your house just to sleep? if he wanted to sleep he would’ve just stayed home!

“I missed you” he said, opening his eyes again. you could feel the heat in your cheeks rise up again.

“we hung out a week ago though” you laughed and he rolled his eyes, waving his hand in your face.

“I meant just the two of us, we haven’t gotten much alone time lately…” he mumbled and your heart started racing.

“I—“ you tried to speak but he cut you off

“don’t say anything. I just want you to know I missed you…” your eyes went wide and you were at a loss for words, your hand trembling a bit from nervousness.

“I missed you too, Riki” you smiled, gently taking his hand in yours. if you were being honest,, it felt like your was going to explode in your chest. it was a lot to process, I mean you’re literally sitting on your bed with your best friend— no, your crush, and he’s telling you that he showed up to your house late at night just because he missed you.

you swore your face was redder than a tomato when he turned to you, his tired eyes sparkling. how could you not see it before? it’s so clear now, the way he looks at you, talks to you, its so obvious that he likes you!

“stop looking at me like that…” you mumble, flicking his forehead once again which causes him to groan.

“go to sleep” you say as you get up and put on your slippers, not so gently pushing his head off your lap and onto the mattress.

“I didn’t just come here to sleep—“

“I said go to sleep!” you turn to him taking off your slipper and raising it in the air in a threatening manner, in response to this he immediately put his hands up to surrender.

“fine…” he grumbled slowly laying back down as he watched you exit the room. once you were out of sight, he took out his phone and began to type away on twitter.

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NOTES: I apologize this chapter is actually ass and you waited over a month for it 😭 LIKE I AM SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR OVER A MONTH 😭 school has been killing my motivation lately and I’ve been so behind on all of my work🫠 there’ll be another update out very soon! I just need to finish my homework first, which is 5 chapters of a book 😃 this is why you shouldn’t procrastinate guys,, it’ll only kick you in the butt later on 🥲 and gawd dayum does this taglist take long😭 THERES ONLY ONE SPOT LEFT THOUGH SO IF YOU WANT IT CLAIM IT NOW‼️

taglist: (49/50) @en-chantedtomeetyou @yunicide @txtbrainrot @liliyaaaaas-library @j-wyoung @beomgyusonlywife @spilled-coffee-cup @sungookie @telengraph @yajw @arizejkt19 @iea-tsand @k1ttylvr @solstramaii @soo0mi @jhopesucker @teddywonss @sumarchived @ramenoil @darwics @luvmura @beoms-sugar @haechansbbg @yumilovesloona @s00buwu @r1kitti @veryjeongintxtkid @rikitachquita @m111nho @enhaz1 @jerrykarrot @alwayswook @kpopstanmeg @eloelooo @lunavixia @gyuudai @luvkpopp @yunjinlvrr @gweoriz @mochamvgz @nikikids @meiiiwa @jiaant11 @rikizm @enhamysunshines @polarisjisung @cha3w0n-hearts @nhularin @soobs-things (bolded cannot be tagged)

[slowlydifferentbluebird]

Karina x reader; reader is one of the other aespa leaders sister and is strictly off limits to the other members but Karina can’t help herself from having feelings for reader and reader feels the same way so they secretly start dating and readers sister finds out and she forbids them from seeing each other but she soon accepts it after noticing that both Karina and reader are sad and depressed

sorry if it’s too long bestie 😭

Hey bestie, sorry for making you wait, but the title "master of procrastinating" is something I'm proud of lol. Also, I want a secret love with Karina too🤭

~~~

Karina X Fem!Reader

Jimin knows well what it means to be the youngest and the oldest in a group of people: she's the youngest daughter in her family and the oldest member in Aespa. However, the sense of protection towards a younger sister is an unknown feeling for her; on the contrary Gigi knew it so well at that point. It was not a case the fact that the two of them had a huge fight over you...

But let's take a step back. Who are the characters of our story? Aespa members obviously, and also you, Giselle's younger sister. As her sibling, meeting the other girls, becoming their friends and spending time with them alone was only natural. But maybe having feeling for one of them was not in the plans.

Karina was fast in entering in your heart. Maybe It was because Gigi talked about you to her, but Rina seemed to know you perfectly since the first moment. She was not just an incredibly beautiful girl, she was also a splendid person inside. Always ready to cheer you up and making you have the time of your life.

On the other hand, you completely took over Jimin' mind. The fact that you were so kind, fun and supportive in such a natural way made Karina think about you 24/7. But thinking was not enough for her, so you two started to hang out more and soon the hangouts became dates.

Now, all of this sounds awesome, right? Yes and not. Even if Karina was just following her heart, her mind was telling her that it was wrong. Aeri clearly told them that you were off-limits for them. For her you were still a child, and one of her best friend dating HER child was just unacceptable.

Rina tried to interrupt the dates, but you two were too whipped to each other to really do something about it, so you just chose the worst option: dating secretly. You and Jimin really tried her best to be sneaky on it and it was kinda working for a period of time, but sometimes just a breath of wild is enough to destroy a Castle of cards.

In fact one day you and Rina were in her room, just cuddling and having a nice time, when out of nowhere you simply started to make out. The problem is that you were not alone at their dorm..."Hey Jimin, did you see the last episode of...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?", Gigi shout so loudly making you two shake in fear.

"Go out, NOW!", she ordered to you, making you basically run away from their dorm. "And you, Jimin, you are a Snake. Using my sister in that way...you make me sick! Don't talk to her ever again!", she was furious with Karina, her screams could be heard in all the building.

The next weeks were...so tense and sad. Both you and Rina tried to explain the situation to Aeri, telling her that you two really loved each other, but she didn't want to listen to any reason, making you so upset and the leader so sad. You then decided to not speak to your sister and Karina left to Ning the lead of the group until she was able to do it again.

However over time, doubts started creeping in Giselle's mind, wondering if maybe she had been too quick in judgement. And soon the doubt become the truth, knowing the both you and Rina cried every night about that story. She had to do something about it.

You were talking on the phone with one of your best friend, Somi, when you heard knocking on the door of your room, before seeing your sister came in. "Hey, sis, what are you doing?", she said, trying to sound casual about it. "I'm talking with Somi, did you want to ban me to talk to her too?", you rudely answered her. Oh boy, you were still so angry. "No, sis, listen, I just want to talk to you...I have something to say", she softly spoke, coming to see on your bed next to you.

Gigi hardly remembers you hugging her so tightly like when she gave you the permission to date Karina again. And also, it was a first time seeing Jimin so affectionate like when she met you again after all that time. Karina was holding you like you were the important thing in her life...and probably you were.

Seeing you two hug look at each other made Aeri fell only more guilty. Maybe it was time to apologize. "Sis, I'm sorry...you are old enough to decide who date", she said, on the verge of crying. "And Jimin, I'm sorry for the horrible things I said to you...just...treat her nicely and give her a lot of love, she's still my baby sister after all", she added, starting to sob.

You two ran to hug her and stayed in that position for a while, making her calm down. It was just a nice and wholesome moment of reconciliation. Soon the sad period became something to joke about, a fun memory, because now all was in the perfect place.

You and Jimin were openly dating, well, maybe not open to Dispatch and the media, but at least you didn't have to hide from your own sis. It was nice for Karina to finally hold you in the dorm without the fear of Gigi, even if she still insisted in not wanting to see you two kiss. And talking about Gigi...how funny that soon she started to date Somi.

~~~

Finally it's done, bestie. I hope you like it, maybe it's more angst than fluff, but at least we have a good ending, right?🙈❤️

Zazá

[wazzappp]

Weird thought. Could be sad or could be dark.

What if Movie!Khaji Da is acting/was acting at least in the beginning of it?

Like, the Siri/Alexa/Cortana/thing. What if that’s fake, and the Scarab is acting to make them (mostly Jaime) less afraid of it. Either bc it’s aware of pop culture opinion around AI (and is downplaying itself so they’re not scared of it so much), or is still loyal to the Reach and wants Jaime to trust it bc it’s an infiltrator.

So skittish Khaji Da acting robotic and hiding its emotions until like the end of the movie, post the synchronization thing (bc it’s scared of their opinions).

Or Khaji Da working to gain Jaime’s trust and pretending to not understand human stuff (and playing into pop culture expectations of androids/ai/robots/etc) so that way he doesn’t question the whole “world killer” thing.

Either long-term manipulation with bad ending (reach takeover), or Khaj slowly comes to actually care for Jaime/his family (possibly bc the Reach do treat it like an Alexa [actually wait 3rd option, it acts like an Alexa for a while bc it was made to act like that (subservient, emotionless) for the Reach, and thinks they want it to act like that?], while the Reyes’ actually like. Address it. And care about each other. [and possibly Khaji Da itself] So it starts to feel guilty, decides “fuck the Reach” and comes clean to Jaime.

Have this mess (unproofread) bc I am procrastinating on other tasks.

(If general/non-body horror ideas are not something you’re interested in, you can tell me to stop)

ACK FUCK SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO I THOUGHT I RESPONDED TO IT ALREADY I JUST CHECKED MY ASKS AAAAUGHHHH!!!

I really do enjoy khaji being more mechanical just because it's how they are. In my opinion it makes their development so impactful because it requires them to literally break their own coding. Go against the very fabric of your being, what you were MADE for, to try and be something more like yourself even though you don't know who that is yet.

Khaji only PRETENDING to be more robotic has some very very interesting potential though. Attempting to fit in a box your entire existence and then literally only being accepted once you step outside that box? Jeez, what a disorienting experience. My poor little murder bug :'(. They would probably end up needing a LOT of reassurance from Jaime. Just in subtle ways to make sure it's truly better that they behave as a person and not a tool. It would take soooo much time to build khajis self confidence and autonomy back up from that. Therapy. SOOOOO much therapy for the both of them on god.

[julemmaes]

Always

Some tooth rotting Nessian fluff for you my loves since we're deep in the exam session and I'm a serial procrastinator (and also depressed as fuck apparently) and I can't find any Shatter Me fics that satisfy my need for fluff rn

Set in the The Seven of Us AU (masterlist)

Word count: 1,393

Nesta was perfectly aware of the fact that she was starring. She knew her husband would give her shit if he noticed her ogling him as he started his evening work out, but she really couldn't care less about it.

She had closed her book almost twenty minutes ago as he'd walked in their living room. Cassian had gone up to her, ran a hand through her hair to tilt her head up and leave a soft, loving kiss on her forehead.

She'd closed her eyes, hoping for more, but she'd been left wanting, her neck bent back as she faced the ceiling. The warmth of his hand still lingered on her skin.

"I love you," he'd whispered as he'd made his way to their windowless room—the space where they kept all the kids' too-big-to-fit-in-the-room games and Cassian's gym equipment. Nesta hated that room, it was so messy she tried to forget it existed half the time.

And now it was the easiest task for her, to not think of anything at all. Cassian was wearing a white shirt whose sleeves he had ripped off. His tattoos were in full display for her to admire in the golden light of the late afternoon, and his dark, tanned skin shined with sweat. The black ink moving with every push and pull of his arms, his muscles vibrating with the effort to lift the weights. And the occasional grunts and huffs coming from him were just an added little gift, directly from the universe to her.

She was exhausted and all she wanted to do was unapologetically gawk at her sweaty husband as she lay on the couch under her blanket. So that was what she was doing.

He was looking outside through the kitchen window, and a small smile blossomed on his lips as the shrieks and laughters of their kids filled their silent room.

"Cece! That's mi–ne!"

Nesta sighed through her nose and shuffled on the couch to find a more comfortable position, knowing perfectly well she wouldn't lift a finger if shit went down. Nevermind that their four-year-old had just started screaming at the top of her lungs. She knew if was only because Cal had stolen yet another of her toys.

They heard Ezra try to pacify his sister and meddle things between his siblings, and Cassian couldn't help his snort when Celia started screaming at him, too, to leave her puppets alone.

Nesta closed her eyes, basking in her children's sounds, absorbing every word and whine, every giggle and cry. She knew it wouldn't last forever.

They could already see it with Ezra, now only a few weeks away from his thirteenth birthday, his voice had started to become deeper and his laugh more... grown-up. He'd lost his soft giggles. When she'd first noticed, Nesta had almost cried.

And Cal and Nora had just turned eight and five respectively. Andra's second birthday was nine days away—

She shook her head, blinking her tiredness away, willing her mind to slow down and enjoy every bit of it while she had it.

It wasn't until she yawned that Cassian finally looked her way. The moment his eyes were on her curled up figure, they softened and he slowed down his movements. He stopped altogether when she rubbed her eyes with the back on her hand and dropped the weights to the floor.

She offered him a weak smile and his face lit up, his breath hitched, as he took two long strides to her side, crouching down.

Nesta looked him in the eyes, mumbling a silent, "Hi."

Cassian smoothed a hand over her hair again, and then brushed her cheek, cupping her face. His thumb was drawing short lines on her bottom lip now.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?" He asked her, his eyes locked on her mouth.

Nesta nodded, her position not really allowing her much movement. "I had the longest day at work."

"'M sorry, baby," he leaned forward, the tip of his nose brushing hers, "I can always give you a massage later, if you'd like that."

She hummed, pleased even just at the idea. His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath and kissed the corner of her lips.

"I would love that," Nesta said.

It was Cassian's turn to hum, and when their eyes met, she couldn't resist it anymore and lifted her head just as he closed in on her. They both smiled in the kiss and then Cassian was gone.

Nesta was stunned, still recovering at the quickness with which he'd moved that he was laying on one of the confusing torture machines he trained with.

"Gotta finish the work out first," he cracked his neck, starting a new set as he kept talking. "I'll cook dinner, put the gremlins to bed and then we can chill, watch a movie... take a bath, together."

Nesta looked at him, mirth sparkling in her eyes. Or at least that was what she hoped she was conveying through her exhaustion. He smirked in her direction, winking and opening his mouth to surely make a crude comment on their evening activities.

It surprised her then, when instead of getting a dirty preview of whatever he was gonna do to her, he whispered, so quietly that she barely heard him, "I missed you so much today."

She blinked and mollified, shaking her head.

Hopeless romantic, that husband of hers—

The loud, booming crack of Cal's laughter distracted her from her thoughts and the sound of the backdoor opening piqued her attention enough that she sat up, glancing at their backyard.

Nora came stumbling in the kitchen, tripping on the glass door.

"Watch your step, honey," Cassian said, before she could intervene.

Their daughter's smile was blinding. Happiness radiated from her small body as she jumped towards them. Her hazel eyes were alight with life, her whole head shone with sun rays embedded in her braided hair.

She was their little nugget of sunshine. And Nesta felt the strongest surge of love grow in her chest when she belined for her dad.

She threw herself on Cassian's chest.

"Hey, Nora," he said, wrapping his arms around her tiny tiny body. Nesta plopped down once again, holding a pillow to her chest. "Are you having fun?"

Nora started nodding so ferociously on his chest that her hair spiked everywhere. And then with the most adorable voice she said, "I love you. I always love you."

Cassian didn't hesitate, "I'll always love you, honey."

Their kid rested her cheek on his pec and looked at him, smiled. Cassian blew a strand of her hair that had gone astray off her face, petting it down and trying to braid it back into her complex hairdo.

They looked at each other for such a short time, and still, Nesta couldn't have asked for anything more.

The love shining there, in both her soulmate's eyes and in the eyes of that one fifth of her own soul... it took her breath away. Whenever she realised what she had created. What she had, what was hers and only hers.

She loved her family so much it hurt.

"Come back outside Nona!"

The little girl rose abruptly at her brother's voice, and without a single glance back ran outside, screaming over her shoulder.

"Goodbye daddy, I'm going out to play! Goodbye mommy!"

"Okay, see you honey."

Nesta recovered from the lump in her throat just in time before the door slammed shut and shouted back at her, "Love you, baby!"

Cassian had rose up on his elbows to follow his daughter with his gaze, a silly lost smile plastered on his face, and as soon as she out of sight he fell back down again.

He brought both hands to his face and breathed out a laugh. It sounded like his body needed to get all that unbridled love out somehow and didn't know any better than laugh it out.

Nesta breathed in, chuckling under her breath.

"That was so fucking cute."

Cassian's head snapped in her direction and she was surprised to find his eyes glossy, but still full of hope and love and gratitude. She smiled at him, her whole body softening in front of that picture.

"We made such a bunch of sentimental gremlins," he breathed out.

"That we did."

Heavily inspired by this reel.

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