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#THIS WAS SOMETHING I DECIDED A FUCKING WEEK AGO I WASNT LEADING YOU ON FOR TEO MONTJS JUST TO BE LIKE HAHA JK
payphonex · 1 year
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Well, this is the first time I've written in almost 3 years. I'm not even sure what to say, honestly. I feel like my entire life has been taken from me. I feel like I've forgotten how to write.
Am i supposed to be angry? in love? sad?
lost?
Im lost. I dont know who I am anymore. I gave up everything for this toxic relationship. I stopped going to bars, seeing my friends. i stopped talking to anybody especially over text because everything would be read. I stopped taking phone calls unless i was home alone, which was rare. I learned to shut up, not talk about my emotions because it would be such a big fight; i wasnt paying attention to how she felt when i was upset. Even now, as im writing this i am terrified she'll see it.
She'll say something, she always does. She'll disapprove and ill be in trouble.
again.
We broke up, about 3 weeks ago. I moved to Tennessee. Im finally with my dad. Honestly, the only reason i didnt stay in town was because i finally had the courage to block my mom.
Maybe the universe was telling me it was time to go.
I finally listened.
I dont know how to feel anymore. What im supposed to feel, ya know? In some aspects i feel numb. Im alone out here, truly alone. I guess the good thing about that is i cant get hooked on cocaine again.
I crave it all the fucking time. Being sober for 2 years really doesnt matter when i still smell it laying in bed.
I guess i can thank my sobriety on my now ex, we did get sober together. I cant thank her enough for that.
You know, its weird being back on here. I feel like i could throw up just downloading the app. My old account was deleted, my ex swears it wasnt her but im sure ill never know.
I found you again, i re-read some of things you had written. I really have been looking through rose coldered glasses when it came to you. The pain of losing you in my life was so fucking real for months.
atleast until i realized you truly threw me under the bus. like i was just some freak obsessed with you. I loved you, you were my family.
we were 'inseperable'. Remember? you said that.
"I understand that it'll never be us, part of me knew that it never would be, but i decided to let you fall anyway. make me think it was wrong."
You remember that? you wrote that. I can finally let you know,
it.
was.
wrong.
Because youre so stuck in my fucking head that it is hard to breathe. People still tell me about you, I could never truly get away from you.
I cant forget those nights.
I never could wipe away the fucking smell of lavender and vanilla
Ive never been good at cleaning windows either. Im sure your finger prints are still covering the view i could have had.
You've always been such a good liar. Keeping my at your hip for a backup plan just long enough to leave me drowning again.
The last time i heard your voice was the night my ex called you. I was plastered, black out drunk. I found out my tumblr was deleted that night.
I hit her. Busted her lip because i couldnt let go of you. So she called you. Of course you didnt answer, but the next morning you called me off of a friends phone. She forced me to answer the call.
You sounded like you fucking hated me. Why?
because you lead me on? because you got caught up in the consequences of YOUR actions?
you responded to me! when i wrote about you. You always replied. always.
It was never "leave me alone" or "we need to stop this"
You played me. you fucking used me.
you.
you fucking hurt me.
and i shouldve known better. but youre angry at me? annoyed with me?
it was easy for you to drop me, wasnt it?
I liked one of your posts. im sure youre gonna block me now. i bet you didnt even read this.
im letting you go. i guess this is my goodbye. im moving on and it feels good to finally express myself again. dont worry, my tumblrs always been my own private thing, noone you know will see this, incase youre embarrassed.
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A Bad Feeling Pt 1
Levi x Reader
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Part 1
Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader
Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence
Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?
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A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!
"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.
You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.
Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.
Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..
Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.
But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.
Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.
Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.
You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.
"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.
With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.
"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.
"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.
From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.
"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"
The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.
"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.
"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.
" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.
"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"
"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.
"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"
"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.
Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.
You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.
************************************
"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.
You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.
"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.
Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.
*knock knock*
You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..
With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.
You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.
Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.
Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.
You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.
"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.
"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.
"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.
You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.
You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-
*click*
You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.
"Captain what are you-"
"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.
"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.
"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"
Shit
"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.
"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.
You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.
"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.
"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.
"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.
"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.
"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.
"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"
"W-what?" You were utterly confused.
"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"
"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"
"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"
"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.
"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.
Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.
But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.
You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.
"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"
"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.
With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.
"NO SIR!"
"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.
"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.
He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.
"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"
You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.
When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.
D-did, d-did that really happen?!?
You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.
You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.
It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.
"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.
"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.
Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.
"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.
Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!
"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"
"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.
"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.
Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.
You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.
Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.
"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.
Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?
Wrong...
Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.
"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.
"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-
"Look at me"
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Part 2 here
Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!
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samadiw · 3 years
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Knickers - Part 06 - Knickerless 💦💣😘
A massive thank you to everyone who read this mini series, much love ❤
A very special thank you to @scdramione for reading through the chapters 🤗🤗
.
Party Time.
T : "Looking sharp, Drake."
Draco raises a questioning brow.
D : "Was there ever a doubt?"
Theo frowns and shakes his head.
T : "I pity Granger for having to put up with your big fat head."
Draco shoves Theo, the tall man topples over.
D : "Fuck off, Nott, your lucky Lovegood thinks you have a sense of humour."
Theo gets to his feet and defends himself.
T : "I am hilarious."
Blaise rolls his eyes.
B : "In your dreams."
Theo turns to Draco and instructs.
T : "Give Granger the box of chocolates and rose."
Draco smiles in gratitude.
D : "Thanks, mate."
Theo rolls his eyes
T : "Yeah, whatever."
Both men laugh.
B : "Blimey, you really are changing. I've never seen you give anyone anything on Valentine's."
Draco winks.
D : "No time like the present to change old habits."
Theo clicks his fingers and quips.
T : "You're so fucking whipped."
Draco grabs the box and rose and looks at his friends.
D : "Fuck off, is this umm...alright?"
Theo smiles warmly.
T : "Look Blaise, our boy is growing up."
Blaise puts his arm around Theo and smirks at Draco.
D : "Yeah, mate, it's fine."
Hermione twirls in front of the mirror and blows herself a kiss.
She's happy with her choice of dress
It's a blue halter that hugs her curves and rests an inch above her knees.
It was daring and sexy but appropriate.
It requires no bra, the back full open, she pins her hair up into an elegant chignon bun and lets a few wild curls adorn her face.
There is a loud knock on the main door.
Hermione glances at the clock, Malfoy was certainly punctual.
Hermione slipped into the dangerously high heels and prayed to Merlin.
The last thing she wanted to do was fall flat on her arse.
She opens the door and stares at the tall man standing outside nervously, he looks paler than usual.
Draco straightens in what Hermione can only describe as a tailored crisp black suit and tie to match that hugs his body like a glove.
He smiles sheepishly and hands her a large single red rose and expensive box of chocolates.
D : "I hear it's the norm to give these."
Hermione continues staring at the imposing man before her and mumbles.
H : "Thank you, these are lovely."
Draco lets his eyes rove over Hermione.
He compliments without hesitation.
D : "You look....beautiful."
Good manners kick in and Hermione finally finds her voice.
H : "So do you."
Draco laughs.
D: "Ah, I would prefer devilishly handsome but yeah, thanks."
Hermione holds the door open for him to enter.
H : "I'm so sorry, please come in."
Draco steps into the living space and does a quick look around.
D : "Nice place."
Hermione places the box of chocolates and exquisite rose on the table and closes the gap between them.
Draco pulls her close and kisses her fervently.
Fuck, she looks and smells absolutely mind altering.
Draco rasps, his voice forceful and demanding.
D : "What colour are your knickers, Granger?"
Hermione bites Draco's bottom lip.
H : "What makes you think I'm wearing any?"
Holy fuck, blood rushes South and his cock springs to life.
Hermione makes a split second decision.
She takes Draco's hand and leads him into her room.
Draco swallows hard.
Was it go time?
Her room is decorated typically, a shelf full of books take up the wall space to the left, a study table and white cupboard take up the space to the right, a large Gryffindor banner hangs above the bed.
Ah, the bed.
Draco eyes it critically and decides its sturdy enough to withstand his pending actions.
He massages the bridge of his nose.
D : "Umm, as much as I'm going to regret saying the next fews words, but we don't have time to get sidetracked."
Hermione slips off her heels and glances over her bare shoulder.
H : "Fuck the party, Malfoy, I much rather have you."
Draco grins as Hermione releases the clasp that holds her dress together, it falls to the floor and she delicately steps out of it.
She's completely naked and standing before him. It prompts him to act.
Draco tosses his jacket onto the sofa in the corner and works on undoing the buttons on his shirt while closing the gap between them.
Draco pulls Hermione to him roughly and claims her lips hungrily.
D : "You taste sinfully sweet."
Hermione groans.
She pushes his shirt off his firm body and gently brushes her fingertips along his body, up his neck and into his hair.
Grabbing a fistful, she pulls on it.
Fuck...
Draco deepens the kiss, running his insistent tongue across her bottom lip, Hermione moans into his mouth.
Merlin, how he loves the sounds she makes.
It was her tongue that slips into his mouth first and pushes against his, with utter desperation they clung onto each other to satisfy their craving for each other's bodies.
He could feel her nervous rapid heartbeats as he moves his fingers to cup her face, he kisses her deeply, savouring the taste of peppermint.
The small fingers in his hair drop to caress his neck. Tearing himself away from her soft lips, his lips trail a path of fire along her neck.
Draco takes his time to taste Hermione, he sucks on her delicate flesh tantalizingly slowly.
It's no secret that he wanted to sleep with her since first seeing her knickers weeks ago but he was not about to rush it.
Hermione's fingers tremble, as she slowly traces them over Draco's toned body, his muscles rippling in response to her touch.
His body is firm and fit, she supposed it was because of his Quidditch training.
Draco trails kisses down Hermione's sensual body and takes a pebbled rosy nipple in his mouth.
Hermione throws her head back, pushing herself further into Draco and his delicious mouth.
He twirls his tongue around a nipple, feeling the hardened bud against his insistent tongue, before taking it fully in his mouth and sucking on it. Bolts of pleasured electricity shoot through Hermione and her hold on Draco tightens.
Running his tongue back up to her neck, he bites down on her ear lobe and sinks his teeth into her collarbone.
She urges, encourages and surrenders to him completely, it feels good to relinquish control.
Placing firm hands on the cheeks of her arse, Draco lifts Hermione, she wraps her legs around him tightly and holds onto his broad shoulders.
She feels his impressive erection press into her thigh. Draco carries Hermione to the bed and lays her down amidst simple cotton sheets.
The wanting, the need, the fucking tension, he felt since seeing her bloody knickers, grabs him by his very centre and pulls him to her.
It consumes him whole and there is no going back.
Draco growls into Hermione's ear.
D : "Are you sure?"
Hermione replies breathlessly, running her fingers down his back.
H "Yes, very."
Draco kisses her neck, savouring the sweetness so ardently offered. Her skin awakens to his touch, as he places airy kisses down her flat stomach.
Draco gently sucks on the side of her supple waist, leaving his mark. Hermione gasps, her toes curl into the bedding.
He feels her heat the closer he gets to her core.
His breathing hitches and Draco swallows hard as he sees the glistening wetness that he tongued a week ago in the prefects bathroom.
He can hardly resist, Draco runs his tongue slowly down her slit. Hermione's fingers tighten in his hair.
She watches him, he stares back without breaking eye contact.
His gaze shifts, as he moves his tongue expertly inside her pink folds, licking the delicate flesh and swirling his tongue around before sucking on her swollen bud.
Hermione cries out in pleasure but it's short lived, Draco withdraws his tongue and she lets out a pleading whimper.
H : "No, so close..."
Draco smiles against her smooth thigh. He runs his lips along the smooth heated skin of her inner thigh, placing airy kisses that make the skin under tingle and pulsate.
Turning his attention to the other, he relentlessly makes sure no area of her body went untouched.
He inserts a finger into her wetness, she does not expect that.
Her pussy clamps down on his digits and he starts to finger fuck her hard.
Fuck, she was dripping.
Hermione moans aloud at the intrusion but welcomes his fingers working inside of her, one finger becomes two as Draco continues his assault on her cunt.
His erection was getting unbearable, it strains against his trousers, Draco reluctantly gets to his feet.
Keeping his eyes fixed on Hermione, he sucks his fingers clean of her juices, pushes down his trousers and towers over her.
His cock stands at full mast eagerly awaiting it's reward.
A sudden jolt of excitement tears through him.
Hermione moves her arm above her head and gazes at Draco in anticipation.
Her eyes rove over him, they take in his arm muscles, the toned bodyline and his manhood. She spreads her thighs to make room for him.
Draco lowers himself between Hermione's legs and allows her to adjust to his weight.
His lips claim hers once again and her fingers draw patterns on his back and squeeze his firm arse cheeks.
Draco moves his head up to hers and locks eyes with her.
He grabs hold of his throbbing erection and rubs it against her wet entrance.
D : "Does that feel good, darling?"
H : "It feels so good."
Hermione mewls in want and moves her hips in anticipation.
Placing his throbbing erection at her core, Draco pushes in hard.
He wants to see her face when she took him in, he wants to see the intensity and by Merlin, she did not disappoint.
The pleasure was instantaneous, it rips through them, but she remains silent and he panics.
Fuck, did he do something wrong? Is she in pain?
He was used to praise, others were always quick to moan and compliment the second his cock entered their lady garden.
"You feel so good."
"So big, I love how you fill me up."
"I've wanted this for so long."
"Baby, fuck me harder."
But Granger remained silent and unresponsive.
It wasnt a lie that she felt beyond amazing, her cunt closed tightly around his cock and it felt so bloody good.
Draco almost lifts his head to look into Hermione's face when he feels her breath ghost the delicate skin of his ear.
H : "Draco....."
His name, she whispers it almost reverently and he needs nothing else, it meant more than every praise he had ever received.
He groans aloud, completely lost within her.
D : "Fuck Granger, you're so tight."
Hermione can hardly contain herself, she moans loudly, and her fingers dig into his back holding him close.
Draco moves with purpose, building up a beautiful rhythm as every painful inch of him is now buried deep within her.
He quickens the pace and pounds into her relentlessly. He loves how she thrusts into him and matches his movements.
Bending to take a rosy nipple in his mouth, Draco increases the speed while sucking on her aroused little nub.
Oh, she was close, very close. She was squirming at an alarming rate under him.
Her body was so receptive to his touch.
They were bathed in sweat and it dripped down his back and onto her body.
Draco holds Hermione close and thrusts into her mercilessly. The raw sound of flesh hitting flesh, echoes through the confinements of her small bedroom.
Draco was losing control fast, his desire accumulates, ready to spurt forth.
Fuck, she felt glorious.
Hermione whispers urgently.
H : "I'm going to come."
Her hold on him tightens, sharp painted nails dig into his arm and shoulder.
With a loud moan, she falls back against the pillow and her climax tears through her.
H : "Fuck..ahh...oh God, you feel...so damn right."
It has been so long since she experienced anything like this.
Her slick wetness drowns his cock and he slips but he's so hard it hardly matters.
Draco summons his wand and quickly casts a contraceptive charm over Hermione, the small golden orb disappears into her skin.
With one final, hard push, he sheaths his penis deep in her love canal and comes undone.
His release cripples him, and he smothers a deep growl into her mouth.
D : "I will never tire of fucking you, Hermione."
She holds him close to her body, never once letting go, her fingers trails up his back and into his hair.
He spills into her until he is completely and utterly spent. Completely exhausted, he collapses on top of her.
Draco slowly opens his eyes to meet Hermione's fiery brown orbs staring at him full of fire and passion.
Pieces of rogue hair fall onto her face, he brushes away the wild strands to look at her. Reluctantly, he withdraws and moves to the side, she moves closer to him nuzzling into his neck.
Her voice a whisper.
H : "That was..."
His chest heaving, he breathlessly finishes her sentence.
D : "Yeah, I can't find the right words either."
Draco holds on tightly and rasps.
D : "We aren't done, Granger."
Hermione grins mischievously and straddles the gorgeous wizard in her bed.
After he's taken her in every way possible, they cuddle and stare at the ceiling.
Her voice is hoarse from screaming his name, she traces the pinkish healed outline of his sectumsempra scar with the tip of her forefinger.
D : "I guess, I earned the right to fuck the great Miss Hermione Granger."
Hermione giggles
H : "It was the box of chocolates that did it."
Draco let's out a hearty chuckle.
D : "Remind me to thank Theo."
He looks at the large clock and turns to face the naked witch next to him.
D : "Do you think it's too late to head down?"
Hermione shakes her head.
H : "The party isn't over, I'm starving."
Draco pushes himself off the bed, reaches for his trousers and steps into them
Well, guess the deed was done.
Hermione stretches her deliciously sore muscles and gets up.
Draco clears his throat nervously.
D : "Granger, are you busy this weekend?"
Hermione looks around for her discarded dress and mutters.
H : "Not really."
Draco comes closer, cups Hermiones face and stares into her eyes.
D : "Let me take you out, we can go to Hogsmeade."
Hermione gasps mockingly.
H : "Do my ears deceive me? Did The Prince of Slytherin, arrogant pureblood who wished I died, just ask me out?"
Draco fists Hermione's hair and gives it a rough tug.
D : "I'm not that same person, Granger."
Hermione puts her arms around Draco's neck and kisses him passionately.
H : "I know, darling."
He returns her enthusiasm.
D : "How about we give this boyfriend, girlfriend thing a go? Would you be open to that?"
Hermione smiles lovingly.
H : "Yes, you prat, I'd be very open to that."
Draco kisses her knuckles.
D : "Good, that's settled then."
Hermione smirks.
H : "Took you long enough."
Draco sighs.
D : "I'm sorry, love, I'm not all that great with feelings and stuff."
Hermione cups Draco's chin and kisses him.
H : "I know your damaged."
D : "But you still want me."
H : "Go figure, maybe I'm just after a good shag."
Draco kisses the tip of Hermione's nose
D : "It was a bloody fantastic shag."
Draco smacks Hermione's arse and she squeals.
D : "Get ready before I take you to bed again."
The sheets are soiled with their love making.
H : "How can you possibly have the energy?"
Draco shrugs and grins devilishly.
D : "What can I say? The Dragon loves you, Granger."
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xsarcasticwriterx · 3 years
Text
Wonderwall
summary:Being trapped in space with tony wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to someone except when your running out of food, and water, and happen to be dating the guy who killed his parents...ok maybe it is the worst thing to happen.
Inspired by Into the blue
pairing: tony stark x reader x bucky
warning:starvation,depression,angst, hopeless feeling,cheating,implied smut
note: Don't expect the other chapters to be as long pfft Just this being the first one i wanted to get the entire plot out.
Wonderwall masterlist
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Being trapped in space with tony wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to someone except when your running out of food, and water, and happen to be dating the guy who killed his parents...ok maybe it is the worst thing to happen.
This had all started almost a month ago when they were on a mission that meant going off of earth. To find the leader of the aliens that invaded new york. Who gave loki his army. It went as well as you'd expect leading to dead end after dead end. eventually you and tony decided it was time to return back to earth it was smooth sailing until something happened and the ship completely shut down and simply became a vessel floating. Tony tried to figure out what was wrong but seeing no damage and his suit running out of power left him having to go back to the ship and figure out what to do.
Suspecting that they couldn't be out there for more than 2 weeks they rationed the food and water between the two of them for that time. Slowly as time went on they realized they'd be there longer than expected. Slowly supplies ran out and tony was running out of solutions. y/n’s powers started to fall from her control as she got weaker. This made it hard for tony and y/n to be around one another.
Her powers are to control and manipulate thoughts and feelings. she could also make people see her thoughts. similar to wanda's except she couldn't create thought simply spread things she already knew.. Shes has them sense she was 5 and the older she got the more out of control they got. at 17 fury came to her and took her in. y/n and natasha got very close due to being there at such a young age. When wanda came they became close from similar powers. They showed her how to control her powers and use them for good. This felt similar to how she felt then. out of control whatever thoughts or want she had happened at a simple touch. She felt weak and powerless while also being powerful. Tony was currently in his mini lab trying to figure out how he could fix the suit.
y/n sat in the control room on the floor feeling empty. They were currently having to skip eating some days. This was hurting y/n more than tony and as such she could barely move anymore. sitting on the floor she was trying to get up but failing from tiredness. Tony came out his lab to see her eyes closed and head back. The soft breathing was the only way he knew she was still alive. They both looked like a wreck but y/n looked on the edge of death. “hey” tony said softly sitting next to her. “you shouldn't be here” she replied wearly still keeping her eyes closed and head back. “You won't hurt me. I trust you” tony replys sleepily. “mmm thank you but I can't control it anymore” she says softly. “Then I won't touch you” he says.
y/n finally cracks open her eyes. “How are you feeling?” tony ask. How was she? she wasn't sure herself. She felt sick and tired and her vision kept spinning. She couldn't even peel herself from the floor. she simply shrugged. “here” he says handing her an almost empty bottle of water. 
she shook her head “that's yours” she says pushing it back towards him. “I'm not the one about to shake hands with the grim reaper.” tony says pushing back the bottle. she sighs and grabs the bottle. as soon as the liquid touches her dry lips and chugs the rest of the water. 
“Better?” tony ask with concern. she nods “much” she replies with a satisfied sigh. “Tony... do you think we’ll ever get back home?” she ask finally turning her head and looking at tony. He gulps and looks over at her. Her eyes look broken a look once filled with happiness and hope and what felt like the sun is now a glance of tiredness not just as in needing sleep but tired of all of this mess. The look of someone broken and hopeless.
“no” is all he can say. She would know if he lied so why even try. she sighed looking down. “me either.”she says turning to look out the large window. It's all dark outside only light being the stars. For a few days it was such a beautiful view but now it's just a reminder they are floating farther and farther from home.
they sat there just staring out into the emptiness. Tony looked over at her. Her eyes were closed again and her breathing had deepened showing she had fallen asleep. He stood up grabbing a package of food leaving it for her. it was his portion and hers. She needed it more than he did. which is exactly what he wrote on the note he stuck on the package. Even on the verge of death he thought she looked beautiful. The thought threw him off. he shook it off assuming it was the tiredness and being together for so long. she looked very uncomfortable. 
Sitting back down he took off his jacket and laid her down on his lap. He placed his jacket on top of her to keep her warm. He stroked her hair starting to fall asleep himself. his brain starts to get fuzzy with what feels like a dream but not his own. He tried to pull away but felt stuck. The dream was or y/n and tony still on the ship. They were in the lab. They seemed happier. y/n walked over to tony and they kissed. not like it was the first time but like it was just any normal thing. after that tony finally pulled away. It took him a while before figuring out that was y/n’s dream. She had accidently spread her thought into his mind. He felt bad he wasn't intended to see that and she didn't intend for him to. 
Tony was left confused. Why would that be her dream? Why wouldn't she dream of being back at home happy with bucky. feeling her move he shoved his thoughts aside. her eyes opened looking up at him she softly smiled “hey” she said. “hey” he replied he wasn't sure on what exactly to say. She sat up and realized tony's jacket was on her. “This is a nice jacket” she said voice still covered in sleep. 
Y/n handed tony back his jacket. she tilts her head and reaches for the package of food. She reads the note and smirks. “Tony today isn't our day for food” she said. “you need to eat today. now. eat.”  tony said with a stern face. she sighed and opened up the container of food and got to eating it. She started to eat fast before tony grabbed her hand. “slowly or your body will shut down.”  he said. she nodded and ate slower. 
once she was done her eyes started to get droopy again. “hey um y/n?” tony said. She turned to him with a face to show she was listening. “your thoughts accidently got pushed into my head while you were asleep...” he said trailing off. she started to feel her heart speed up. She remembered her dream so she knew what he saw. “uh...” was all that came out when she tried to speak.
Tony shook his head “no no i get it we've been together for over a month ok I just uhm ok” tony said in a panic. Never before had tony been at a loss of words. “tony...” she said softly. “We aren't getting home and you and I have gotten closer than ever and I just I don't know...” she said looking down at the floor. She sighed “I just want the world to stop. The pain to stop for the inevitable of this to not seem so fucked!” she screamed feeling all the pain and anger in her rise. All the hurt she felt over all this time. “I need it to stop!” she yelled over and over. Tony grabbed her face. y/n stopped speaking. “Do you want me to stop it?” he asked looking over her face. She wasn't sure. This situation seemed so stuck and to turn it off would be amazing. She wasn't going to back in bucky's arms....ever. To just be touched and held by someone before their inevitable doom would be amazing. So that was it. “yes” she said softly.
With that tonys lips were on hers. It was soft and smooth. His touches and strokes. His lips and mouth were so soft. Everything he did was as if he would break her. This wasn't rough and wild sex this wasn't tony being a playboy. This wasnt love though it wasn't someone making love. This was the pain of two people who saw no way out. Two friends saying goodbye. 
After they laid together. y/n on top of tony as he held her close to him. his hand rubbed up and down her back as she slowly fell asleep. “Thank you” she said softly before falling into a slumber. He smiled at her. He felt his heart do cartwheels at the sight of her asleep, comfortable, and close to him. He knew this feeling and it frustrated him. He shook his head. He took this as simply being the fact that they had been up there for so long and had just slept together. Falling into a slumber he felt the weight of the world fall off her chest.
The next few days were better but y/n felt her body shut down more and more each day. It was halfway through month 2 of being stuck together. Then the ship shook and the door opened. y/n was sat at the control panel trying to stay alive with all her strength. 
The door opened to the ship and 5 people walked in. The last people that tony and y/n ever expected. Steve, natasha, clint, bruce, and the one that caused the most shock. james buchanan barnes.
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brelione · 4 years
Text
Rivers (The Best Boys)
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Warnings:Car crashes,mentions of sex,blood.
Im sorry in advance.This shit might hurt.
Series Masterlist
Rafe glanced over to you, obviously knowing what this was about.He gulped and nodded, agreeing to go outside to speak to Topper.You tapped your fingers on the table anxiously as they walked outside of the house and slammed the slider door behind them. 
“What do you think thats about?”Kelce asked, setting down his burger.Shit.This was it, Topper was gonna find out what you and Rafe did.It was bad enough that they knew about the kiss but this was even worse.
And it didnt help that you told Topper that you didnt like Rafe like that.Now all you felt was guilt.Guilt for hooking up with Rafe,guilt from even talking to Topper about your problems when you knew that it would probably put stress on him.Now you were screwed,head in your hands.
“You guys did things while we were gone?You kissed her last week, you gave her a hickey tonight.Whats gonna happen next week?Are you gonna get her pregnant?Do you even care about what’s happening in her life?Do you even fucking care about her at all or is she just another one of your toys that you use for sex and then just ditch?Do you not care that we all made a deal?Do you even realize what youve done?”Topper had tried his best not to yell.
Rafe stared at the blonde, eyes wide. “Dont even say that I dont fucking care about her!You’re the one that went along and dated Sarah and wouldnt shut up about it to (Y/N)!I would never-I would fucking never.You dont even know what we did!We didnt even do anything-she was freaking the hell out earlier, punching herself and hitting thins.She probably smacked herself on something before I showed up but no.You didnt even think of that possibility your mind just went straight to me fucking her.Do you know why?Its because you’re jealous.You’ve always been jealous of Kelce and I and we’re fucking tired of it.”Rafe glared, waiting for Topper to throw a punch.
He didn't though,simply staring at Rafe. “You guys didn't do anything?”Topper asked.Rafe nodded, the action barely visible in the dark.This is exactly what Kelce had feared.He was always right about most things.You even accused him of being a prophet once. 
“What time is it?”Topper yawned,sitting up on the couch.You shrugged,reaching for your phone and looking between the tired boys. “What time do you guys think it is?”You asked,turning on your phone and checking for yourself. “Umm....I dunno....like 9.”Rafe shrugged.You looked over to Topper,waiting for his answer. “I think its eight.”He answered,still half asleep. “Im gonna bet its 11:47.”Kelce replied,waiting for you to confirm.You glared at him. “Fuck you,propet.”You grumbled.
“But you still kissed her.You knew what you were doing and you did it right after we all made that deal.Do you just not care anymore?”Topper asked, still angry.Rafe stood there, not knowing what the correct response would be. “Right, alright.Im gonna go home, you guys have fun.”Topper went back in the house,slamming the slider door shut behind him.
Rafe opened the door, following him inside and praying to whatever god that would listen that his friend wouldnt throw a fit.Topper simply grabbed his phone, taking another sip of his soda. “Im going home.I’ll see you tomorrow.”He went to rush past you, making your heart drop.
No hug,no forehead kiss and no explanation.Something was seriously wrong. Even when he was in a bad mood he would still give you a hug and peck your forehead before he left.
“Topper-you didnt finish your food!We didnt finish the movie either!”You exclaimed,making him stop near the door and turn around. “I know, I know.I just think I should go home now, i’ll see you tomorrow.”He opened the door, about to leave when you stopped him again.
 “Text me when you get home!”You shouted to him, seeing him nod quickly before closing the door behind him, getting into his car and driving off.You looked up at Rafe, the boy still standing by the slider door in a silent shock.
 “What happened?”Kelce asked, looking between you and Rafe hoping for an explanation for Topper’s sudden exit.You couldn't say anything, too afraid of what would come out,instead just resting your head in your hands.
Rafe gulped, trying to figure out what to say.He didn't understand why he should have to hold his feelings back because of Topper’s feelings.It wasn't fair to you or him. “Did I miss something?”Kelce asked, still not understanding.
Rafe shrugged,sitting back down next to you at the table,looking at the empty chair that Topper had been sitting in a couple moments ago. “I don't know.Were you guys arguing about something?”You asked Rafe,turning to face him in the chair.He shifted nervously, looking away from you.That little nervous action gave you the exact answer you needed.
 “Alright, lets just sleep it off and enjoy our night.It doesn't have to be ruined because Topper decided to go home,okay?”Kelce asked,eating a chicken nugget.You nodded, feeling uneasy.Topper never did this.He always hugged you before he left, he wouldnt just walk out like that.You created a new note in your phone, typing something and showing it to Rafe. 
Does he know what we did?
He read the message,quickly shaking his head. “Hey,what are you guys doing?”Kelce asked,leaning across the table in attempts of seeing the phone screen.You quickly placed your phone down,looking up at your confused friend. “Nothing,Kelce.Don't worry about it.”You told him,bouncing your leg up and down.
Something was very wrong.You didnt know why you felt so sick all of a sudden or why you were shaking,snapping out of your thoughts when Rafe reached his hand across,his hand on your leg to get it to stop bouncing. “Lets take our food and finish it in the living room while we watch the movie.”Kelce suggested, already standing up.
Topper drove down the street,approaching the bridge that made him so nervous.There were two bridges on the island,the one that separated Figure Eight from The Cut and the one that was built right over a quickly flowing river that lead from one mainroad to another.
It was the quickest way for Topper to get home from your house, it wasnt his favorite way because it always cause him to be anxious but it was quicker than the twenty minute alternative path.The bridge was old and was a popular spot for drug deals and couples that were looking to write their initials somewhere.
It had been built sometime back in the sixties before the river started to rise and the current became strong.He drove slowly,his heart pounding quick.He wished that he had taken the other way but it was far too late to leave now,already half way down the bridge.
He must’ve been shaking more than he realized,everything happening quick as he lost control of the steering wheel,sending himself right through the rusting metal bars of the bridge.
Time slowed down as the car fell from the structure,hitting the cold,quick moving water.He was forced forward as the front of the car hit a large rock,smacking his head off the steering wheel,the seatbelt locking a moment after.The cold water was filling the car quick,the whole vehicle submerged,Topper trapped by his seatbelt,unconscious.
“Topper hasnt texted me.”You frowned,checking you phone for the upteenth time within that half hour.Kelce’s eyebrows furrowed,leaning his head against your shoulder. “Im sure he’s fine,maybe he’s just tired and fell asleep when he got home or something.”That was probably a very logical explanation to a normal person but to you it seemed absolutely ridiculous.
Topper would always text you when he got home.Rafe nodded,agreeing with Kelce. “I wouldnt worry to much,its Topper.What’s the worst thing that could’ve happened?”Rafe asked,none of you paying attention to the movie.
Pennywise killing and manipulating people definitely was not helping with the situation. “Im serious.I think I should call him.”You mumbled,pressing the call icon,holding the phone to your ear.No answer. “He didnt answer, something has to be wrong.”You insisted.
Kelce took out his own phone, deciding that maybe Topper was just ignoring you and Rafe for now.His thoughts were proved wrong when Topper ignored him too. “Yeah, hes probably just asleep.”Kelce put his phone away, pulling you close to him in attempts to calm you down. “Should we go to his house?”You asked,looking over at Rafe.
He decided to just pause the movie, figuring this would be a long conversation. “He’s asleep, (Y/N).If we go there we’ll have to throw rocks at his window so he’ll wake up, its not like any of us can drive there.”He reminded you.You shrugged, feeling Kelce’s hand grip yours,his thumb rubbing circles. “Do you think he’s mad at me?”You asked, hoping that that wasnt the case.
Rafe shook his head, throwing the thought of that out the window. “He has no reason to be.He might be mad at me-he’s definitely mad at me but he’ll be over it by tomorrow.He’ll probably call in the morning, it’ll be fine.”Rafe forced a smile on his face.
You just had to hope he was right, leaning into Kelce,your arms around his torso.You noticed a look of jealousy on Rafe’s face, understanding why but choosing to ignore it.The way Kelce was shaped made him very easy to hug and cuddle with,his sweatshirt smelling like McDonalds and cologne. 
“Lets watch something that’s not scary.”Kelce grabbed the tv remote,exiting out of the movie before either you or Rafe could fight him. “I vote that we watch Victorious.”You looked up at Kelce as he flipped through different options.He looked over to Rafe, silently asking for his opinion.
Rafe gave him a nod,watching as Kelce’s fingers twirled your hair,grazing over your temple and cheek as he pushed it past your shoulder,beginning to braid it.The first episode of Victorious was playing.You were sure by now that you had seen the entirety of the show at least twenty times.
You had listened to the soundtrack even more than that, Kelce being the one who insisted that you listen to it. “What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?”You asked,eyes glued to the tv.Kelce sighed, not wanting to think about the fact that he had to spend the whole day with three of his cousins. 
“Maybe like….10.”Kelce answered, knowing that you probably wouldnt be awake at that time.You looked over to Rafe,waiting for his answer. “I dunno….I should probably be there early so Ward isnt waiting for me at the door.He’s gonna be up my ass all day.”He had seen all the texts from both Ward and Rose on his phone.
They were furious.It didnt really matter though, the worst they would do is yell at him.They couldnt really ground him, he was an adult anyways. “Sorry.”You muttered.Rafe grinned,shaking his head. “Dont worry about it,that party was stupid anyways.I swear to god I thought there was gonna be a fight between Mavis and Eleanor.”He chuckled,earning a smile from Kelce.
 “Imagine that, the two of them just hitting each other with their canes.What would they fight about?Like,how dare you take my pie recipe and claim it as yours you old rat!”Kelce tried to sound old,his voice squeaky like he had a bad cold.
You laughed,messing up the braids Kelce was trying to do in your hair. “Or like, my grandson is prettier than yours and they have the same father!”He continued,glad he could make you laugh when you had been so stressed.Your eyes widened,sitting up. 
“Wait,do their grandsons actually have the same dad or are you fucking with me?”You asked, unable to tell if he was joking or not.Kelce shrugged. “I mean, Im just saying that they look similar.Rafe,stop laughing and listen.Im just saying ive never seen Owen’s dad in the same room with Joshua’s dad.Have you?”He asked, his tone becoming serious.
You thought back to all the parties and events you had been forced to go to,trying to think if you had ever noticed either of the boys.They were two years younger than you and your boys meaning that you had never really had to pay attention to them at all, always caught up trying to beat Topper in virtual cup pong.It was one of the few virtual games that he was actually good at.
“You know,I dont think I have.”You admitted, giving into his theory.Rafe rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “There’s no way, doesnt Joshua’s dad live with him?”He asked, trying his best to remember.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, about to answer when you spoke up. “He could be living a double life!People do that sometimes.”You reminded him.Kelce shrugged, trying to think of more ways to prove his theory.
Topper’s eyes opened again when the water was up to his knees.All he could see was black,his legs feeling numb from the cold,his left arm hurting like it had never hurt before.He cursed,trying to unbuckle his seatbelt but to no avail,the material digging into his neck and the car swaying from the tough current.
He reached for his phone that had ended up in the cupholder, only then noticing the blood coming from his sore arm.He chose to ignore it,dialing 911 as fast as he could,tears streaming down his face.If only he had taken the other way home.
 “911,whats the emergency?”A feminine voice asked,hearing his shallow breaths from the other end of the phone. “My car- I drove into Crescent River-The water is in my car.”His voice sounded like he was drunk,probably because he had bit through the tip of his tongue when he crashed. “What’s your name?”The woman asked, sending everyone to the river to search for the car.
 “Topper-please tell Rafe that im sorry!Tell (Y/N) that I love her!Please-fuck im gonna die.”He began sobbing, knowing that he’d never see you or Rafe or Kelce ever again.He wouldnt be able to apologize for all the dumb shit he had done over the years.
He was going to die because he and Rafe got into an argument about you.He couldve laughed.It was funny how the universe worked. “Topper, you’re gonna be just fine.Help is on the way.Can you break the window?”The dispatch asked.Topper tried to move,everything blurry.The rush of water filling the car was loud,the cold liquid now up to his chest.
 “Somethings wrong with the seatbelt!Im stuck-I cant move.I cant fucking move and the water is so cold and I cant move….god please just tell my friends that im sorry.”He cried, lifting his head up so he was staring at the ceiling of the car,getting as much air as he could before the car would be completely full. 
“Topper, you can tell them yourself.Help is on the way, please stay on the call.”She waited for Topper to say something else, for any sign that he hadnt drowned only to hear the sound of static before the call cut out.
“Are you guys tired yet?”You asked the boys,pulling a blanket up to your chest,still in Kelce’s lap. “No, im not going to bed until this dumbass admits that he’s wrong.”Kelce insisted, annoyed by Rafe. “Im just saying the I never saw JFK’s son when he was younger and Matt Dillon in the same room.”Rafe repeated it for the third time,still not being helpful.
 “Because they werent friends!”You shouted at him, Rafe flicking your forehead. “You cant be friends with yourself!Now listen.13 bloodlines of the illuminati,right?Right.So they discover time travel so JFK’s son assassinates his dad because he couldnt support his passion for acting,right?So then he goes back in time in a different time line to become an actor and change his name to Matt Dillon.Its just like Spiderverse!”Rafe exclaimed, trying to get you guys to believe him.
You shook your head,looking back up to the tv. “Rafe, did you even pay attention to Spiderverse?”You asked, making him finally shut up. “Wait, I want to watch conspiracy theories now.”Kelce mumbled,his fingertips now tapping against your hip.You handed him the remote, letting him put on top ten craziest conspiracy theories.
When the ambulances,cop cars, fire trucks and rescue trucks showed up Topper had been without air for nearly two minutes.The lights of his car were dim but they were luckily able to spot it,sending the divers down.They were in full gear,helmet and radio included.
There were two divers,seeing that the glass had given out and smashed,some of the glass causing small cuts over Toppers body.The were able to get the car door open,cutting off the seatbelt,telling Schoope through the radio that they had gotten him,fire fighters waiting for them to bring his body up,handing him into the arms of the fire captain who then got him onto a stretcher,letting the EMT’s take him.His arm was bent in all sorts of ways,a large cut at his hairline,blood still flowing from his mouth.
“You guys believe in the moon landing, right?”You asked,moving in Kelce’s lap so you could see both him and Rafe.Kelce was hesitant to answer, not knowing what to think after watching that last theory.Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, making you groan.
 “Really?”You asked, checking the time to see that it was already two in the morning. “Hey, im gonna go upstairs to sleep.Will you guys stay in the guest rooms?”You asked,sitting up with the blanket around your shoulders, cold despite the fact that you were wearing Topper’s hoodie.
 “Why?”Kelce asked, letting out a loud,dramatic yawn. “Because the door is right there and so is the window...at least in the other rooms it’ll take longer for them to kill us.”You explained, grabbing your phone off the table.
 “Alright, im setting alarms for 8,8:30,9 and 9:30.”Kelce announced,setting them in his clock app.You sighed,knowing that his alarms would probably wake you up as well. “For why?”You asked,already at the end of the staircase. “So I can make you guys breakfast.”He answered in a tone that made you feel dumb, almost like the answer was so obvious.
 “You dont have to.”You replied, knowing that that wouldnt change anything.He shrugged,not really caring.Rafe turned off the tv,standing up and stretching out his limbs,almost touching the ceiling.You laid down in your bed after saying goodnight to them, your eyes wandering to the closet,to the window,to under the bed.
The fact that somebody had probably been in your room without you even knowing freaked you out.You turned on the flashlight on your phone,keeping it on as you scrolled through tik tok.That was probably an even worse idea since your entire for you page consisted of serial killer facts because of you liking too many Criminal Minds videos.
Eventually you decided to just go and sit in the bathroom,just so you could be anywhere else but your bedroom.You sat on the toilet,checking if Topper had been active on Snapchat,Instagram or Tumblr.Nothing.That was very unlike him even if he had been tired and fallen asleep as soon as he got home.
After twenty minutes of sitting on your toilet you decided that you couldnt go back to your bedroom.It was too creepy.So here you were,tiptoeing across the floor of your own house to one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall,knowing that’s where Rafe was.
You let out a soft sigh,carefully opening the door. “Rafe.”You called out to him softly.You could barely make out his figure on the bed,arms and legs spread out like a starfish.You sighed,deciding not to bother him.
You used your flashlight as you made your way down the hall,opening Kelce’s door. “Hey,Kelce.”You whispered,seeing him move,eventually sitting up and squinting,trying to figure out what was going on.
 “(Y/N)?”He asked,trying to make sure that you were you and not some imposter.You let out a quiet sigh of relief,entering the room and closing the door behind you. “Hi.”You answered,sitting at the end of the bed. “Are you okay?”He asked,turning on his own flashlight,flipping his phone so the screen was against the mattress,the small light making it so he could see you.
 “Yeah,cant sleep in my room.Can I sleep in here?”You asked.He tried to hide how happy he was,nodding. “Yeah,yeah thats fine.”he patted the spot next to him,grinning as you slid under the covers,your arm falling over his torso,head against his back as you closed your eyes.He eventually turned on his side so he could face you and you could get more comfortable,holding him like a koala,your head resting on his shoulder.
You couldnt remember anything after that which meant that you had fallen asleep clinging to your friend.You woke up when Kelce got off the bed,leaving a frown on your face. “Go back to sleep.”He whispered to you.
When they got Topper ot the hospital they were still trying to find out how bad his injuries were.He was still knocked out,eyes twitching every few moments as he was rushed down the hall and into surgery to fix his mangled arm,removing the glass that had been lodged deep inside his leg.They were glad to find that none of his injuries were fatal despite him being technically dead for 15 seconds when they had first got him out of the river.
It was determined that he had a pretty nasty concussion that would take a good couple of months until it was completely healed.The surgeon had to stitch the long cut on his hairline shut,bringing it forward ever so slightly.They had noticed his medical records,calling his mother to tell her about the horrible accident. 
“Is the car okay?”She had asked,making the nurse who had called frown and tell her no,the car was definitely not okay. “Unfortunately im in California so I cant be there.Maybe just give his little girlfriend a call.”She suggested carelessly,not even bothering to ask about the condition her son was in.
Something about the way she said it sounded like she was disgusted by the idea of you.Almost like a child talking about vegetables.The nurse had asked for the number of his girlfriend,his mother reading off yours that she had stashed in her phone just in case of emergency.
When you woke up you were warm and comfortable,seeing two texts.One was from Kelce to let you know that he had left and that eggs and bacon were on the stove.The other was from Rafe telling you that he had left and got home safely.
He probably only texted you that because he had seen how worried you were when Topper hadnt.You checked your snapchat notifications,seeing that you had lost your 785 day streak with him.That really made you upset,knowing that it would take two years to get it to that point again.
You sent out your streaks,getting up with a loud yawn,stumbling as you made your way downstairs and into the kitchen,a shiver running up your spine from the cold tile.A glass plate sat on the stove,a layer of tinfoil covering it.
You peeled off the foil,placing the plate in the microwave when your phone rang.Your heartbeat picked up,hoping that it was Topper calling to tell you that he was sorry for nto calling you last night and that he was perfectly fine,frowning when you saw that it was an unknown number.
 “Hello?”You asked,hoping that it wasnt gonna be ghost face on the other end. “Um...is this Topper Thornton’s girlfriend?”the voice asked.You frowned,looking around your kitchen.You had no idea who it could be or why they would think your were Topper’s girlfriend but you decided to go with it anyways,saying yes.
There was a pause before the woman spoke again. “Im sorry to inform you but your boyfriend drove into Crescent River last night.He’s got an awful concussion and a severely broken arm as well as 12 stitches.He’s currently at Kildare Hospital if you’d like to come see him.”The woman explained.
And just then everything was over.You were always terrified of getting a call like this.That Rafe had overdosed at a party or that Kelce had been hit with a golf club to the head.But you never thought it would happen.
You felt like you couldnt breath,your hand gripping the phone so hard that you thought it might crack.You didnt know how you would get to the hospital.Rafe was at home and would take too long to get to your house,Kelce was at his cousin’s house on the complete opposite side of the island.
You knew what you had to do,grabbing your keys that had stayed in the junk drawer for the past two years,a layer of dust covering the metal.You rushed out of your house with nothing but your keys and phone,not bothering to slip on pants or even grab your bag,going into your garage in a rush.
You couldnt even remember turning on the car engine,speeding out of your driveway and leaving a trail of black marks,driving straight to the hospital.The car smelt like stale doritos for a reason that you couldnt understand.
The last time you had used this car or even drove was back when you were seventeen and nearly passed out while you were driving,too scared to try it again.It didnt matter now,your foot not leaving the gas pedal,hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that your fingers hurt,pulling into a random parking spot at the hospital,not even checking your parking job.
You held your phone and your keys in the same hand,sprinting and nearly getting hit by another car in the process,gasping for air when you reached the front desk. “I-I need to see Topper Thornton.”You spoke quickly,almost coughing.
The nurse’s eyes widened,realizing that you were the girl she had spoken to on the phone. “(Y/N)?”She asked,wanting to be sure before she told you what was important.You nodded,wanting this to be over so she’d tell you what room you needed to go to. 
“He said on the 911 call that he wanted you to know that he loved you and that he wanted Rafe to know thay he was sorry,I thought you should know.He’s up in room 234,2nd floor just two doors down.”She told you,a sympathetic look in her eyes.
You didnt think too much about it,running up the staircases because taking the elevator would waste time.You glanced at the rooms,trying to remember if she had said if the room was on the left or on the right.You found the room after a few seconds,preparing yourself before opening the door.
The lights were dim,the tv off.And then there was Topper,looking like he was dead.His left arm was put in a cast from his mid bicep to his hand,bent so the it was at a ninety degree angle and wresting on his stomach.
A few pieces of hair had fallen over the dark blue stitches that kept his skull from being visible,his eyes closed.An oxygen tube settled at his nose,multiple IV’s in his right arm,the heart monitor keeping a steady beat.
You were grateful for that,watching the lines move up and down,memorizing the sound of the beeping.You sent Rafe and Kelce text messages,telling them what had happened,deciding to keep the words that Topper had said to the dispatch to yourself for now.
After a long twenty minutes of sitting there a nurse came in,surprised to see you. “He should be waking up soon.Are you his spouse?”She asked,writing down something on a clipboard.You nodded,still keeping up with the lie figuring that it was the only way you’d be allowed to stay in the room with him.
 “Alright,he should wake up any moment,hun.”She smiled at you before leaving the room,closing the door quietly behind her.You rolled your eyes,figuring that she had spoken that sentence five other times today and that she didnt actually care about you or Topper.
You found yourself scooting your seat closer to the hospital bed,running your fingertips along the palm of his good arm.His eyes slowly opened,shutting again for a moment,slowly adjusting.
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scandeniall · 3 years
Text
It was terrifying—but we were in love
pairing: ex!atsumu x reader (exes to lovers type energy/connection but y’all don’t get together) mention of Kuroo x reader
Summary/warnings: your little brother joins Atsumu’s frat (who takes him on as his little) and takes it upon himself to help him out. It leads to you trying to stop that mistake but instead you find yourself reflecting on a time with Atsumu/ mentions of sex—loss of virginity, alcohol college au obvs, language
a/n: set in the same greek life universe as fancy seeing you based on the show greek. Another 3am ramble this time more on Atsumu x reader dynamic
——
Music could be heard all throughout Greek row. The sounds of a Saturday night good time we’re always your favorite but not tonight. Tonight you were on a mission, an important one to stop someone from making the biggest mistake of their life. Ignoring the pain in your own feet from your shoes you approached a house that just a few months ago you would’ve insisted that you’d never step foot in that house again.
Yet here you were again. For the second time this month. However, this visit different than your last had you pushing through throngs of students, drunk, high, neither or both in search of one of two people. You cringed as you brushed past someone’s sweaty skin almost sighing in relief when you found the cause of your worries.
Atsumu was toasting a shot when your grip surrounded his bicep and before he knew it he was yelling over the loud music that he’d be back. He nearly stumbled as you drug him up the stairs to a hallway much quieter than the chaos going on downstairs. “Atsumu where the hell is he?”
Your question was met unanswered, instead Atsumu eying you up and down something you couldn’t quite place in his eyes. “Whoa. You look-“
You’re quick to cut him off the urgency in your tone causing him to sober up as you repeat the question.
“Gonna need to be a little more specific than that”
“My fucking brother Atsumu. I know you’re trying to set him up to get laid tonight and that can’t happen.” Your eyes shift towards Atsumu’s room and your feet are instantly moving only stopped by his body barricading the door.
“Listen ya probably don’t wanna go in there.”
“Atsumu move.” Your attempt you slip around him is futile as he continues blocking the door.
“(Y/N) the kid was tired of being a virgin so I decided to do what any big brother would. Help my little pledge out.” His palms rest themselves on your shoulder lightly pushing the two of you away. “Besides why the sudden care for a brother that up until a few weeks ago, no one knew existed”
“That’s not the point Atsumu,” your quick to shove his hands off of you yet you make no move towards the door. “He’s different. He’s not like-“
“Me? Just say it (Y/N). I know ya want to. Sorry I’m not mr perfect rooster head. Oh wait? Didn’t he try to fight your brother” You don’t miss the hurt that peeks through his tone and it has you narrowing your eyes.
“Any of us. You. Me. Our friends. He doesn’t just find someone to have sex with because he’s bored. He has values and morals and he’s a good kid. He’s a honor student for gods sake. He chose to join a frat but not for this Tsumu.” You completely ignore the mention of Kuroo. Right now it didn’t matter. Both if you freeze as the old nickname slips out.
“Listen Atsumu. Don’t you remember our first time,” you’re clearing your throat before any of you could dwell on that moment. Your eyes catch his for the first time that night and you don’t miss the fondness that crosses his face.
“It was pretty amazing wasnt it?”
“No it wasn’t. It was terrifying. Terrifying and awkward and uncomfortable. But we were in love so it didn’t matter.” His expression shifts from hurt to understanding immediately.
“We were in love and we trusted eachother. And I dont regret it for a second. I want him to have that experience too. Or at least the choice to lose it to someone he loves. Not the pressure as a frat guy. He deserves that opportunity Atsumu so please-“
Atsumu finds himself nodding along. “You’re right. Listen. How about ya go wait downstairs and I’ll go in yeah?” His hand comes to rest on your shoulder again. This time it’s softer and you nod.
“Thank you Atsumu” with a gentle squeeze of your shoulder you let him go handle things as you head back down, ignoring the lump in your throat.
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badatjokezz · 3 years
Text
Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Fic Recs
i’ve been so hype about some Hq rarepairs lately now imma list some of my fav fanfics, mostly OiSuga mwehehe.... 
(probably gonna add some more in the future)
Oisuga (Oikawa x Sugawara)
1. Stuck in the Middle With You by overlymetaromantic
It's not the kind of blossoming relationship either of them would expect, but maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something good.
1. In which Suga and Oikawa run into each other on a late night convenience store run.
2. In which Suga and Oikawa inadvertently switch bags and end up with the other’s uniform.
3. In which Suga gives Oikawa the lecture he doesn't want but probably needs, and Oikawa might accidentally be a little in love.
4. In which Oikawa won't shut up about Suga, and Iwaizumi plays matchmaker just to make him stop.
5. In which there is not a date, and Suga likes spicy things much more than sweet.
6. In which Karasuno and Aobajousai hold training camps in the same neck of the woods, and the trip back proves to be more revealing than it probably should.
7. In which there might just be a future to this after all.
(Dis is so fluffy i might die)
2. moving on (growing up) by _helios (neocitz)
‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.
‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.
‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’
‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.
(It’s been AGES since i read Fake/Pretend Relationship fic, this one is goood)
3. how strange, to be remembered by venusintwelfthFandoms
"He is not formed of the type of dust that makes up stars. Suga is not the type of person that stays in the mind of one like Oikawa Tooru, ten years later. He is formed of the type of dust you shake off, the type that settles into the ground."
Ten years after Suga last steps off a high-school court, Oikawa recollects a "Mr. Refreshing" in a post-game interview, and Suga is left scrambling.
(Cute one-shot, Oikawa still remember Mr. Refreshing from Karasuno)
4. all the small things by Authoress for lemedy
Sugawara Koushi.
Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.
The enemy.
(Single Dad! Oikawa, cuuutee ugh)
5. Win Some by kingdra (aroceu) for Icie
Tooru does not have a problem, its name is certainly not Sugawara Koushi, and he is not going to the Karasuno practices just to watch him. Regardless of whatever Iwa-chan says.
(High school romane~)
6. Even as bright as you are? by BKAKCANON
That night when he goes to sleep, he includes "the safety of fairies" on his prayers, making a promise to whoever was listening him, that he'd protect all the fairies and keep their secret safe forever.
[Where Oikawa meets Suga when they are kids and Oikawa believes Suga is secretly a fairy and decides he has to protect his secret all costs.]
(This is basically matches my headcanon)
7. getting to know you by oisugasuga
Suga feels like he’s back on the court then, his heart thudding hard in his ears… so hard he almost misses what Oikawa says. Unfortunately, though, he doesn’t.
"My, my. What a surprise," Oikawa Tooru says. And then… "Hello, Mr. Refreshing."
(Haven’t finished yet but DAMN I LOVE OIKAWA AND SUGA IN HERE, single dad! oikawa, and Suga babysitting oikawa’s kid, def slow burn. Imma follow this fic till death)
8. Dear Reader by hyirule
No one seems to read the paper anymore. But Oikawa likes to for the sports section. One day he finds himself reading a section called "Dear Reader" and finds a submission he can relate to.
Basically messages sent through a page on a newspaper brings to unlikely souls together, who maybe have more in common than they first thought.
(Cannon compliant, simple and... refreshing(?))
9. rest by shicchaan
Tooru looks at the sleeping person beside him as he waits for the lights change into green. The growing fringe of his husband started to cover his eyes but he can still see the beautiful birthmark under the silver haired's left eye.
(Established relationship, fluff fluff!!!)
10. long is the road (that leads me home) by ichweissnichtauch
He thinks about himself, deleting contacts from his phone and throwing coffee cups away without even looking at the string of numbers scrawled in Sharpie ink underneath, and he’s tired of hiding, tired of carefully treading the lines he’d drawn for himself all those years ago.
Just this once, Tooru wants— he thinks he wants to be brave.
Oikawa Tooru is not a stranger to wanting.
(like... 20% Oisuga but i like the way this story follows the Cannon till he get to Argentina)
11. It's Always Been About You by mintycarrots
Every time Tooru had envisioned meeting his soulmate, it was a confession of love, filled with tears of happiness and a lot of making out. It would be a faceless petite girl that would support Tooru in whatever he chose to pursue and would understand when Tooru prioritized volleyball over all else.
It was never a boy on the rival team.
(Soulmate AU)
12. a play in three acts by venusintwelfth
"The first time Sugawara Koushi sees Oikawa Tooru play, he thinks that if he wasn’t so set on volleyball, he’d do well in theater."
the first seijoh x karasuno match through the eyes of suga.
(Kinda poetic i guess, well written af)
13. colors by dazeful
Sugawara Koushi's colorful life as an archer.
(this is like the perfect oisuga one shot ive ever read)
___
IwaSuga (Iwaizumi x Sugawara)
1. And so the moon cried by iwriteinpenFandoms:
The hillocks are the domain of unearthly creatures. Creatures of rot and fog, of music and dance. Like ghosts in the night they travel without leaving footprints, they disappear in a flurry of long dresses and pale hair. Those who are fated to see them risk curses far worse than death. You may hear them, a giggle in the wind. You may smell them, the smell of the fog rolling in through the trees. You should pray you never see them. Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple man. He works a simple farm job and enjoys simple things. After one morning where he woke next to a perfect circle of death and only the memory of brown eyes and cold hands, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to the forest. Will the tales of his childhood play out with him at the center or will he have to disregard all reason?
(Danish Folklore AU)
2. Cry Just A Little by DreadfulMind
Suga was whistling a tune to himself as he opened the door to the bathroom, so he didn't hear the muffled crying through the door. But he could hear it clearly once he was inside. He heard the sharp sob of someone trying to stop.
"Iwaizumi?" He asked, "are you sure you're alright?"
(Simple but c u t e)
3. Generations by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor), mozaikmage
Professional sports blogger Sugawara Koushi writes an article about a volleyball match that bears special meaning to him and his former kouhai: a showdown between Kitagawa Daiichi and Yukigaoka Middle School, ten years after the teams faced off for the first time. He doesn't plan on capturing the attention of the world of sports journalism, and he certainly doesn't expect himself to end up having a thing for one of the coaches involved, one Iwaizumi Hajime.
(Time-Skip, I loved it)
___
KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)
1. Invictus by Chiru
Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.
(Fake/Pretend Relationship, some fluff, some angst, i read this in the middle of the night and cried, fortunately happy ending)
2. hold onto hope if you got it by nekolyssi
"Now, in the beginning of their third year of high school, the obnoxious hollering and incessant spirit of his teammates became normalcy to Kei. And now, normalcy is this. Weekly psych meetings. Pharmacy waiting rooms. Prescriptions. Refusal of prescriptions. More prescriptions."
(Not finished yet but yep prolly gonna put this one to one of those best haikyuu fics ive ever read. I wasnt so interested at first but i really like the idea of mental ilness etc, this is g o o d!!)
3. [KuroTsuki Fest Week 2017] Traces by Heartythrills 
Kuroo’s disappeared for a little over a week now, and suddenly a 4 year old who looks like him appears before Tsukishima’s apartment.
(Age regression, fluff)
4. I swear by xArtemisx
Like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
"What are you doing here, Tetsu? It's cold." Kei asked softly. Tetsurou smiled. Hearing his name came out of Kei's lips is always music to his ears.
"Nothing. I just came to think that whatever memory we make, may it be happy or sad memories, the bright moon and the starry night sky is always there to be the witness. Did you notice?" The alpha answered and Kei nodded. He also noticed it.
"Yes, I did noticed it."
(I love agony and sad ending....)
5. Honeybee by ClosetGoblin
Tsukishima has trouble sleeping one night during a Third Gym Camping Trip. So, he takes his acoustic guitar and passes the time with some music, and gets a visitor. Maybe he doesn't mind Kuroo's voice as he does the screeching that Lev and Hinata call singing.
(Simple but sweet)
6. Say You Like Me by the_madame21
It's been three months. And Tsukishima Kei is going to see Kuroo Tetsurou.
(light angst and.. s m u t. Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamic)
7. trying to get to you by mytsukkishine
Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.
Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.
(sad beginning? yes. sad ending? y e s. you’re a masochist? come get your juice)
8. Please Hold by ThemooncatFandoms
Kei was expecting Kuroo to do one of two things; Send a text to the office saying that they will have to call back another time and continue what they started, or excuse himself from Kei to answer the call, which was most likely. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kuroo does neither of those things.
(short but hot. what’s hotter than quiet sex?)
___
Ushijima x Oikawa
1. This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (poulerslashes)
Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?
(It was funny for me reading oikawa/ushijima fic with that “you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa” joke at first but somehow i found this one... endearing :3, cute poor ushiwaka)
___
Atsumu x Nishinoya
1. All the things I love about Yuu by KilluCoulomb
Atsumu Miya is fixated in Nishinoya. The way the boy acts, talks, plays. He Carefully observes from afar, but he slowly warms up to the Libero. Friendship becomes more and more intimate. Atsumu realizes Nishinoya is not that simple guy he met three years ago. And he loves it.
(pro volleyball players AU)
2. i'll see you then by noyabeans (snowdrops)
Nishinoya Yuu and Miya Atsumu build a rivalry and something more.
“Oh, it's Karasuno’s libero,” he says, mildly surprised to see Nishinoya’s face staring back at him from the brochure, grinning wide with his arms folded over his chest.
Contains spoilers for the current manga arc, up to chapter 380.
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dykefoosh · 3 years
Text
Fundys Stream My Nightmare (5/24)
(stuff transcribed live so. it might be wrong but I tried)
F: Remember the times when… when.. when… I.. remember the times when I couldn’t stop a nation from blowing up.. remember the times when I helped the guy who killed tubbo….
You know what bothers me the most? I have been having nightmares with crazy visual stuff happening and I don’t know how to explain it.. I I just.. my memory goes back to.. to those days.. I had the chance that I was always there. I was the helping of will and schlatt and the butters army….
And I.. I couldn’t do anything.. and it leads me to believe it was always my fault.. it makes me think it was always my fault.. and everytime I was apart of something it fucked up.. everything something messes up I’m part of it.. its always been that way.
A day ago.. quackity showed up at my doorstep.. and told me a few things. He told me.. ya know, the things I was part of and the a few things that made sense and a few things that weren’t.. weren’t great to hear, but he was right.
Me and quackity.. had a long talk, it was me thinking he came over to see me. I isolated myself from the world, tried to save everyone from having crazy shit happening, because every time Im part of something everything seems to break down no matter what it is. So I tried to isolate myself from only specific dreams.
And I thought he was going to see me but he had oddly specific business requests. He’s made some mistakes but he’s a nice guy. He told me about my history and made me aware of what happened… well… time for a new chapter maybe. I don’t know.. I don’t know, but its, lets hear him out. I think that’s the least we can do. I mean the place does seem impressive.
Q: I wasn’t here for business I was here for you
F: Do you really mean that?
Q: Why were you in the butcher army?
Q: Work in the cabinet?
Q: You have always had the same interests as me
Q: Because of those past experiences is why I went to see you.
F: You’re. ..Making me smile..
Q:And im not saying it to make you smile.. im saying it to make you think
Q: This is not las Nevadas… this is home. If you decide to join the country.. this simply will be home.
Q:For the longest time I didn’t have a home.. I had two houses in my lifetime, one was in the lmanburg house. Infant we had a dispute as neighbors… and another house underneath Karls house.. but I never intend to go back
F:You literally can’t go back there right?
Q:Do you want me to be honest fundy?
Q:As much as I love to see this as a new beginning… for me it was a necessity.. it was either starting a new chapter or rotting away in self pity.
F:Quackity I don’t really know if this stage is good…
Q:Fundy, you are more then happy to offer your contributions..
F:You’d allow me to do that?
Q:Fundy look at me and listen to me carefully.. I own this place, this place is mine and I am under rule of nobody, no Tommy, Tubbo, Schlatt, Fundy we can do whatever we want under any means, we don’t have to worry about going to war every single week..
Fundy we can finally go everything we want to. And that freedom means more to me then this SMP could ever offer.. We are FREE here.. .this is HOME fundy..
Its home.. this entire place is home, its ours… just like that I have been working on this for a long time just so someone to say you can’t do this you can’t do that you can’t express yourself
Im so tired of people telling me my entire fucking life that I can’t do something. And this is why this place- this is home fundy, this is HOME
I get it Fundy I get it, and we both have been in this situation quackity, we both know what its like to be put down, and to be written on paper and work for months and we know how that feels
And you and me unlike most people
I wish we could include tubbo on that but Tommy Wilbur had that share of power for awhile..
But you and I quackity we had so many ideas but we were pushed aside with our ideas and now all of thats changed and we can do something about it
F: Did you know I visited Paris eeveryyear as a kid?
Q: It wasnt a coincidence fundy…
F: It feels like home.. fundy it feels like home
Q: I don’t think there’s been amount in my life where I’ve been this happy.. And we offer all sorts of entertainment if someone wants
Q: Fundy you gotta chose the people you trust wisely, and Fundy I’ve put trust and hope more trust then hope . I gave too much benefit of the doubt when we were in the lmanburg cabinet, I used to think that somehow which the people we ruled over would someday strive for peace and love and maybe… but thats bullshit fundy… thats bullshit of what people want.. and that breaks my heart fundy.. but you know what? We are here now.. and all this.. you’re gonna see fundy..
F: But what if. What if it happens again Quackity? Quackity I’ve been thinking I told you about the nightmares and stuff quackity.. .once the nightmares finally end and the continuous loop finally escapes and want to know what I see I just see myself. And it tells me that you know.. that every single time.. it always leads me to believe that its always me… and that its crazy.. thats crazy..
Q: Fundy? Don’t talk nonsense… don’t talk nonsense on las Nevadas
F: sorry. Im sorry
Q: No fundy don’t apologies, you and I have been kicked in the ground and you and I have been undermined for so long,, and it doesn’t matter.. where are they?
Q: Wilbur as far as I am aware is dead..
Q: Tommy.. I haven’t even heard of Tommy in so long for all we know hes still chasing that disk
At one point of all of these friends I considered friends they are all still chasing the same thing over and over again and they think thats going to change… but thats the thing you have to create the change yourself.
But until you finally realize your own self worth as a warrior and an excellent member I don’t want you in las nevadas.. I care for you as a person, you’re not a business partner you’re not some asset some pawn, you’re my friend and I rather you work on yourself and realize your self worth.
And that point I don’t want you to be far away from me
You know what fundy? I still want you to find yourself….. Theres so much unused land here.. how about you take this plot here fundy and how about you build yourself a place you call home. Build whatever you want.. build your home’
F: Whatever I want? Actually? Like if I go back and find myself… if that ever were to happen.. this is the place I can call home? Right here?
Q: Build your legacy…. Fundy is big fundy is powerful fundy is smart… and translate all of those things into a nice big building…
F: Right now it doesnt strike me as the right thing to do.. well you know me better.
Q: Fundy.. you have to let go.. YOU HAVE TO LET GO..
F: I can do that.. I can do that.. .. its my choice its my decision
Q: Fundy.. pretend lmanburg never happened, pretend all of the wars never happened.. yell to the sky I am born again say I am born again I am no longer the old version of me.. it will take some time but I’m sure one day you will understand.. fundy im sure you will understand
Fundy I just have one last thing to say to you.. just follow me.. Look at this sign… Fundy… Welcome home fundy…
Welcome home..
F: You know at the end of the day.. he is actually nice..
Thats was friends do.. thats what friends do… good day actually good day.. my good friend.. who’s very busy lately… so what if he couldn’t visit me for three months.. and so a friend like me I can understand that people can be busy for three months like quackity or ever since I left… and im a good friend.. a bro.. you know what? You know what lil guy? I think I think… Im gonna have a good night… I think tonight might be different.. I think tonight im gonna have a good night…
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dirt-cup-draco · 4 years
Text
Fred x Reader- Foolproof (2/2)
Previously:
“You could do it, ya know,” You found your voice had become but a whisper and Fred leaned in to hear you. “You and George could open a shop, it’d be great, I’m sure of it,”
 The smile on his face was worth the comment you had thought about biting back. He looked genuinely surprised yet pleased. “I don’t tell many people about what our plans are,” Fred admitted and your chest swelled with pride. He trusted you. “Goodnight Y/N,” He said his farewells, ducking his head to press a lingering kiss to your cheek. 
You thought you could hear him laughing softly to himself at your boggled expression. 
Now what had you gotten yourself into? As you settled down for bed, you could feel Fred’s kiss burn against your cheek, the feeling lingering until sleep claimed you.
Two more weeks had come and gone, the trees had been bared of all of their leaves and you were now wishing for snow, yet the temperature never seemed to drop low enough to bring what you desired. You were praying that sometime soon you would wake to see the grounds blanketed and the black lake frozen over. You found yourself wishing that Fred would also be frozen over in the black lake, having grown more annoyed with the Weasley than you ever had in your whole time of knowing him
All good things, no matter if it was a lie, had to come to an end apparently. 
It seemed like every few moments he was looking between you and Angelina before adjusting something, whether that be pulling you into his lap or wrapping his arm securely around your shoulder. Then came the questions that bounced around in your mind because he repeated them so often it’d be impossible to forget.
Was Angie looking? Did she look upset? Is this working?
You supposed they were good questions to ask, she was the reason behind your fake dating after all. The reason you could even claim to your friends you had a boyfriend, even if it was all blasphemy. This was for her, not you. Fred wanted Angelina, and not you. You hadn’t meant to start thinking this way but it had become impossible.
Even when wrapped up in a lie, Fred was so genuine. His honesty was refreshing and he had brightened up your life considerably. You cared for Fred of course, you had been friends for years, but this went beyond that now and you were moving into dangerous territory. Every date left your stomach in knots and every smile had a roller coaster swerving on the tracks of said knots, with tiny screaming butterflies strapped in and unable to turn the ride off.
You felt sick.
“Fred,” You spoke his name softly as you sat among his friends and brother. He was loudly joking, his body shaking with laughter as his familiar grip around your waist tightened. “Fred, can we go talk?” You asked again a bit louder and he finally took notice, as did George and Lee.
“Ooooh, someone’s in trouble,” Lee laughed and George elbowed him square in the gut with a simple “shut it,” tacked on.
Fred seemed to search for something as his eyebrows knit to the center of his forehead. “Sure love, lead the way,” He mumbled, wondering why you looked so serious all of a sudden. Had he done something wrong?
Your heart was a lump in your throat as you led him outside of the great hall and to one of the many out of the way corridors he had been showing you over the past couple weeks. “Look Fred, this past month has been fun but-”
You were cut off as Fred started laughing. “Wait, wait, are you breaking up with me?”
“And what if I am?” You asked, suddenly upset. Why was it so bizarre for you to want this to be over? You had done all you could and if Angie wasn’t biting then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. You had already invested too much into this and into Fred. You couldn’t do it anymore without giving away more of yourself and rocking the foundation that kept you from collapsing and admitting the truth to him. You liked Fred Weasley, love him even, and you couldn’t ever let that come to light.
Fred scoffed, blowing air through his nose as he thought over it. “Because! We haven’t done what we wanted to do yet! Angie still-”
“For fuck’s sake Fred! That’s just it, isn’t it? We aren’t a we! This is you with me following along like a complete and utter fool. ” You tossed your hands in the air as he brought her up. You were friends with Angelina, you didn’t know her well but this was ridiculous and it wasn’t fair of him. “What’s so wrong with you just telling her how you feel? Why muddy other people’s lives just to get another girl you’ll be bored of in a couple of weeks?”
You couldn’t help your scathing judgement as something ugly reared up inside you. You didn’t want to hear about Angelina anymore but more importantly than that you didn’t want to hear Fred talk about Angelina. You were tired of the pretending and you were tired of pretending to be cared about. The corners of your eyes prickled with the telltale sign of tears and you wouldn’t, couldn't, cry in front of him.
You escaped before Fred could stop you, ducking around him as his arm shot out to try and catch you. You didn’t turn around when he hollered your name, even if there had been confusion in his voice and something that sounded close to hurt. If only he knew how much he was hurting you.
--
Fred was moping, he realized as you ignored him the morning after you'd gotten cross with him. It was difficult for him to roll out of bed so he decided to just stay under the covers, staring at the wall and wondering where he had gone wrong. You had seemed fine the day before, sure you hadn’t been as talkative when he asked what he could do next to catch Angie’s attention but he had assumed you were just bored.
Maybe that was it. You were bored and so you were breaking off the set up you two had spent weeks on. You looked like a convincing couple and more than that, you acted like it! Fred noticed the way you were started to reach for his hand to hold when you saw him and how when he cracked a joke you would smile, even if the joke wasnt any good. You were perfectly convincing! It was perfect, it was like you weren’t even acting at all.
Fred rolled over in his bed once. Then twice. “Fuck,”
“What was that mate?” George asked, springing up at his bedside as if summoned by his twin’s abnormal tone.
Fred sighed, running his palm over his face as he took a deep breath. He couldn’t be right, you wouldn’t ever want anything to do with him! Yet he had never seen an expression on your face like the one he had been putting there with his foolish little ‘dates’ and even more idiotic pet names. The ones you paid attention to every single day...
“I’ve messed up with Y/N,” Fred spoke honestly and George grimaced.
“Is that what she wanted to talk about yesterday? I would’ve hit Lee harder if I knew you two were actually going to get into a fight. I’m feelin’ quite lucky I”m not in a relationship,”
“We’re not,” Fred said dumbly, only now realizing that you had seemed uncomfortable all during lunch and it had only gone downhill from there, especially in the hall when he had brought up Angelina.
We aren’t a we! This is you with me following along like a complete and utter fool. He recalled what you said and it was starting to shed new light on your maybe not so sudden outburst.
“She dumped you?” George asked like it was the worst sin anyone could possible commit. “Oh, you deserve so much better though, she’s a real piece of work-”
“She didn’t dump me Georgie,” Fred said through gritted teeth, frustrated because he didn’t know what to do or think or feel. “It was all fake, I wanted to catch Angie’s eye so I pretend to shack up with Y/N... It seemed like it was going well but I think that Y/N might have feelings for me,”
George could hardly believe it and Fred felt guilty seeing the way his twin was looking at him. He just hadn’t thought to tell him and then they were in too deep to the lie. It wasn’t that he didn’t think George could have helped, it just hadn’t occurred to him to share.
“You absolute tosser!” George pointed an accusing finger at Fred’s face. Fred tried to sink back into his pillows as his brother stood above him. “Y/N is lovely and our friend and you used her to get close to another girl?”
“Bit quick changing your tune aren’t you?” Fred winced as George hit the nail on the head.
He was right though, you were lovely.ou were absolutely wonderful and he had gotten to know you differently over the past month. You didn’t like brownies much unless they were like fudge, you loved the winter and hated the summer. Chrysanthemums were your favorite flower and you liked classic rock muggle music. More than that, you had confided in him about how you felt like you weren’t as desirable as the other girls around you, you’d never been in a relationship before and that could be isolating as a teen.
You had confided in him and he had used you. Now he felt like garbage.
“I love you, I really do,” George promised before swatting Fred upside the head, “but couldn’t you have just told Angelina? With how Y/N looks at you, I thought it was all real,”
“Really just rubbing it in aren’t you?”
“Someone has to consider her feelings in all this,” George pointed out and Fred’s chest constricted painfully.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her!” Fred argued, sitting up in bed as the guilt pressed down on him. “I really didn’t mean to... a month ago she agreed to fake this relationship with me, I figured that meant she didn’t have feelings for me,”
“That doesn’t mean feelings can’t grow over time. Just try and talk to her,” George advised, patting Fred on the back before he had to be getting on to class. Maybe it was good if Fred sat alone with his thoughts for a while.
--
Being alone with his thoughts did him no good. Fred still hadn’t found the courage to talk to you but he told himself it was because you were busy, and then it was because he was respecting your privacy. Lately though, he was honest enough to understand you were avoiding him.  It had been two long weeks and he was going mad.
He hadn’t realized how close you two had become until you were staying as far away from his as possible. Your attendance had been spotty, something he noticed the day after you had ‘dumped him’. When you did come to class you took a seat in the back if he was up front or a seat up front if he was in the back, it didn’t even matter if you were sitting to someone you didn’t know you just didn’t want to be around him.
Fred didn’t like how it made him feel. He especially didn’t like when he looked your way and you seemed to be physically there but not mentally. Your eyes were puffy as if you had been crying and he couldn’t help but kick himself over it. You were usually so put together and that wasn’t to say you didn’t still look as precious as always but he noticed it in the way you didn’t bother to straighten your tie and your hair wasn’t as immaculate as you like it to be. He hated seeing you sad. More than that, he hated seeing you sad because of him.
Even when he had been a lot, and he knew he could be a lot, you were there to ease him down from his hyperactivity and get his mind focused whether it be on the conversation or quidditch talk or his schoolwork. You were easy to talk with and you didn’t once get upset with him even if you gave him a bad time about his stupid jokes. You were accepting and you gave him more chances than any girl ever had.
He moved on so often because he thought no one could handle him. Fred figured his mom seemed irritated with him most of the time, why would a girl want to date him and be around that all the time? It was easy to know someone on a shallow level and skip getting to the commitment part. Which was maybe why he liked Angie. She was empathetic, witty, and a good friend. They both liked quidditch and he figured why not her? But as he sat and thought about, he wouldn’t want to tell her about the shop, about his dreams and his hopes and his future.
Angelina was great but he worried she would be one of the people who would laugh at his and George’s dream, tell him that they were so funny thinking they could achieve that. But he knew they could, and you knew they could. You had been approving and supportive and he trusted you as you trusted him. You were different, you weren’t Angie, and maybe that was a good thing. Fred liked Angie, but he loved you.
--
Two weeks had been too long with no word and you were certain now that all of it had been fake. Fred’s affections and smiles and stories were just the description on the back of the book and he hadn’t actually let you read the pages inside the cover. It had been a front and he had played you and used you just so he could find another girl.
You knew you couldn’t blame him completely. You had agreed to join this messy game of his and you thought you would come out on top, or at least unscathed. You could have ended things earlier but how were you supposed to know that you had feelings for him? You hadn’t meant to, you just did. It was unavoidable when it came to Fred.
Even now you were trying to stay cross with him, and it wasn’t as hard as you thought for which you were grateful, but you didn’t want to punch him yet. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? You couldn’t really tell. You just knew that you would be able to hold it together if you didn’t have to deal with him or talk to him ever again.
You were praying that when he eventually got with Angie you would be blinded in a terribly cauldron accident so that you didn’t have to see the pair of them happy together. Selfish? Maybe. Dramatic? Overly so. Yet you were feeling like a lovesick teen and so you felt you deserved to be dramatic. The whole situation made you feel foolish. It was impossible to not fall in love with Fred Weasley.
Even when it started to snow you couldn’t find it in you to smile.
--
Dinner was getting out and Fred was watching you like a hawk as you finished up your meal, not eating as much as you usually would. Your eyelids were heavy and you looked tired. He hoped you were getting sleep... Maybe it was a coincidence and you had just been studying too late. Fred didn’t think he was any reason to lose sleep.
Yet, he found himself losing sleep as he thought about the way you made him feel and if he was in your shoes he’d be frustrated and jealous and hurt above all. You liked him, or at least he hoped, and he had been going on about Angie like she was his destiny.
Tonight was the night he fixed things so that you could both get some rest. No matter what you said, or how you felt, Fred needed to apologize. He needed to set the record straight so you knew how precious you were to him, how everyone else bored him but he could see you in the future with him and George and there joke shop that seemed less like a dream and more like a reality every day.
You rose from your bench and your eyes went straight to the ground, scared of seeing Fred among the crowd. You weren’t hungry anymore and it was probably just best if you went to bed for the night.
You got beyond the doors of great hall, eyelids heavy and shoulders sagging as you shuffled to your common room. Yawning, you were stalled in repeating the password to the person staring down at you from their portrait.
Fred sped up as you paused at the portrait, hand coming up to wave your yawn away as sleep crept up behind you. “Y/N!” He called out, stopping abruptly at your side before you even recognized that he had arrived. You jumped and took two steps back, only to be met with a wall. “I’ve been looking for you,”
Your expression soured as you took in the redheaded boy. He had been looking for you? Was he looking for an apology? Maybe he was here to tell you he had finally gotten that girlfriend he wanted... “I don’t want to talk Fred,” You shoved past him, opening your mouth to repeat the password but stopped you, determined hands grabbing your shoulders.
“Don’t talk then,” He said, holding your cheeks in his hand, crushing his lips to yours, slanting his lips and hoping you would follow suit. You didn’t however, your nose scrunched up and you..you bit him? He pulled away with a sudden jerk, only being more surprised when your palm came from nowhere to slap him across the cheek.
Fred was dumbfounded. You had tears in your eyes.
“Y/N, I-”
“No talking,” You sniffled. “You haven’t talked to me in two weeks and now you think it’s okay to kiss me?! I-I’ve never been kissed before Fred, and I certainly didn’t want it to be because of this mockery of a ‘relationship’ we had... I can do a lot for you Fred, but I can’t be happy about that and I can’t keep going on like this, just leave me alone,”
“No,” Fred said, reaching for you again but you sent him a warning glare that kept him from doing so. “Darling, please... I swear I forgot- ‘bout your first kiss I mean... Wouldn’t have done that if I’d remembered,” He said bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck with worry. “Just let me explain?”
You wanted to be angry, and you were, that had been the most unpleasant first kiss you could have imagined. Yet Fred was standing in front of you with those gorgeous doe eyes and you were becoming quickly powerless to them. “Fine,” You hoped your tone sounded intimidating because you didn’t want Fred thinking he’d gotten off so easy.
“Let me just start with an apology, I never wanted this to hurt you and it took you fake dumping me and George smacking some sense into me that I realized what a selfish git I’ve been and how I really messed up... It wasn’t fair wait I did, especially because at some point it became natural to be with you all the time and take you out. I started thinking about what you might like for a date instead of what Angie might like, but all the while I was trying to make her jealous and that was wrong of me. I thought this whole plan was foolproof but it just left me looking like a fool,”
Fred paused, searching your eyes and asking for permission to continue. It looked like you had been momentarily calmed down and you crossed your arms over your chest before dictating that he could, “Go on, please. I’m liking the bit about how you really messed up,” Fred smiled a bit even if it felt strained.
“I’ll say it as many times as you want, I messed up. I messed up very badly and I used one of the most lovely, giving, patient hearts I’ve ever known. You were right more than once and Angelina isn’t it for me... I just thought she’d be the only one who would be able to handle me. That’s not anyway to think though and with you I’ve realized that I can have someone who loves me like I love them and it doesn’t have to be something as pathetic as me taking the first person who is willing to deal with me...”
“You’re joking,” You said after a minute, eyes narrowed as you took a step forward, poking Fred’s chest angrily. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me aren’t you? You have to be... You like Angelina, not me,” You added but your voice cracked, your anger dissipating with your oncoming insecurity.
“It’s not a joke,” Fred promised, grabbing your hand the next time you sent a bruising jab to his chest. “For the first time in my entire life, it is not a joke Y/N. I want you,”
“You fucking idiot,” You sniffled. “You better make up for that rubbish first kiss then, because I swear that my first kiss is not going to be from a boy I’m angry at, I’d rather it be from a boy I love,”
Fred followed you into your common room, curling up on the couch alongside you and pulling you nearer and nearer until the gap that he created between you two had been bridged. And after watching the snow fall, and being able to smile about it for the first time, Fred made up for the first kiss, and then the second, and then several more after that.
You were his darling, he was your fool. And that’s exactly how you wanted it to be.
98 notes · View notes
ink-and-flame · 3 years
Text
Kinktober Day 5: Nukklebust Productions Presents
Kinktober Day 5 Prompts: Kneeling ~ Triple penetration ~ Video (being recorded) Fandom: Original (Auchendale Archives) Tags: exophilia, m/f, slight f/f, orgy, triple penetration, kneeling, video recording, pornography, group sex, anal plug, sex toys, Pairing:GoblinM/HumanF, GoblinM/ElfF, HumanF/ElfF
[Authors Note: This is purely self indulgent smut that I have written for my own personal enjoyment and it is loosely based on a dream I had a few weeks ago. I was torn between putting this in Warcraft or not and I decided to put it in the Auchendale universe so I can use Ember since I kind of fell in love with her, which was unintentional since I made her on a whim. Vyzzie was borrowed from a friend with permission.]
The owners of The Scarlet Eclipse had some very firm rules on photography and video being taken in the club. The top rule was that in general it wasnt allowed. This was to help enforce privacy rules and ensure that the people who came to the club felt safe. The exception to the rule was, of course, pornography. The owners had a relationship with a few directors in the industry and allowed some of their rooms to be used for photo shoots and film shoots as long as nothing got out of hand and it was kept quiet. The location was never allowed to be revealed. 
There were limitations of course, no large productions, and only so many rooms could be rented out for this purpose. The club still needed to cater to its own clientele of course, and it opened up the opportunity for people to explore their own exhibitionist and voyeuristic fetishes. Once it became known, it was an open secret around the club. Privacy was still respected, but the owners invested in a remodel that turned a couple of the rooms into permanent filming areas. They could be accessed through a special door and from the outside and the area could be locked down if needed.
When not in use by professionals, the owners allowed club members to book the rooms for a fee and they would get a copy of the finished product for their own personal enjoyment. Some allowed their amateur films to be released online, most kept them private. VIP members of the club were allowed to use these areas for free with enough prior notice. As it was, there was a waiting list, and sometimes it could take a few months to gain access to one of the rooms, especially if you needed a specific one. 
The club owners had made it easy to check the availability of the rooms online, and there was a link to the waiting list. Anyone already on it could also check their place in the queue. Vyzzie had been checking every day for the last few weeks to see if his request had been bumped up in the queue. He had paid extra and used his friends VIP access to cut in line as much as he could. He was eager to do the scene and had been making preparations for almost two months now. The preparations had to be changed multiple times already as people had backed out and Vyz knew the longer it took the harder it would be to do.
Thankfully his friend had promised not to back out and had even suggested bringing someone along so she wasn’t the only female in the scene. It meant they could do much more with what they had left and the plans for the scene had begun to change. It was shaping up to be one of his better ideas, he just had to make sure the people still on board stayed on board. 
The idea had come about after a wild night with two chicks he didn’t really know well. He ended up getting kind of close to one of them and she had expressed a desire to have another threesome but with two guys instead. He knew someone that would be interested and it had been fun, but then they got to thinking, why not invite more people, and the idea developed into something that Vyz was quite eager for, as was his new friend Ember. 
Vyzzie had promised that he would only invite people she trusted, and Ember offered to bring her elf friend from the first time. It was shaping up to be quite a scene and once it was settled the negotiations began and everything was put in place with an understanding of what was expected of everyone. Simple color codes would be used instead of safe words so that everyone could be on the same page and no one got lost or confused.
When the day finally came Vyz could barely contain his excitement. He had gone over the details with Ember so many times that they both decided to share control of the situation. It also lead to copious amounts of sex between the two of them as every time they discussed it the conversation would inevitably arouse one or both of them. They had pretty much fucked on every surface in Vyzzie’s apartment, including his roommate's bed. That one he wasn’t particularly proud of when it was discovered and he had to do a lot of apologizing to make up for it. 
With Ember in tow and some luggage Vyz arrived at the club a few hours before the filming was going to start. This was pretty standard to give them time to set up, and get everyone ready. He was practically vibrating with excitement the goblin looking up at his human companion with mischievous violet eyes. 
“Ok, so it’s gonna be an hour before the others show up. I thought we could get everything set up and go over the negotiations one last time. Make sure nothin essential god missed.” Vyz opened the door to the main room and dropped off his bags before peeking into the equipment room off to the side. It housed all the recording equipment, back up servers, everything they needed but it was empty. “Ok looks like the crew ain’t here yet. S’fine, gives us a bit more time.”
Ember moved around the room checking things out and setting her luggage near the back wall and out of the way. She could change later. For now the room needed some work. The bed would be plenty large enough for all of them, not much else in the room would make it into the shot, but it was still worth it to spruce up the room and make it look nice. Despite what they were going to be doing, Ember wanted it to have a soft feeling and she began digging through the chests full of props and accessories to see how they could alter the look and feel of the room.
“Whatcha got there dollface?” Vyz had slipped up behind Ember, placing a hand on her ass and peering into the chest she was digging through. 
“I was hoping to find something to help the room look less plain and sterile. The bed is nice, its a good size. The furniture all matches and it looks ok. Has a bit of a hotel feel which might be on purpose, but I was kind of hoping for something a little different?” She looked at him and rolled her eyes when she felt him rubbing her ass. “You are getting awfully friendly there Vyzzie.”
“Yer my friend.” He quipped and pinched her. “Don’t worry. I remember. No attachments. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the benefits package.” Smirking he dug through the chest with a free hand, black claws catching on some fabric. “I trust your taste. I know we were only at your place once, but I liked it. Lots of lights, colors. Had that weird gothic rainbow vibe going. You got a unique style Em, that is for sure.”
“How about we change the lamps, throw up some lights on the wall, drape some fabric around and soften the whole room up a bit. Considering what we are going to be doing, it will be a really interesting contrast I think.” Ember pulled some sheer fabric from the chest and began draping it on the headboard.
“I like how you think. Let the room be soft, the actions hard.” Vyz helped change out the room decor to match her vision. It was getting close to when the others should start arriving. “Hey, uh.. Emmy? You know if you aren’t sure about this or need to change some stuff I will understand. You know that right?”
Ember laughed. “Emmy?” She stepped over to Vyz, running a hand through his dark blue hair. “Yeah Vyz. I know. I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I didn’t trust you.”
“I will make sure your boundaries ain’t crossed. I know ya got some hang ups and all that. Don’t want there to be any pressure in the moment to do anything you ain’t sure of. I know how it gets once a scene starts and ya get caught up in it. Don’t want that ta happen here.”
Ember nodded. “That is why I brought a precaution. I really don’t like anal, and I won’t be able to relax if I worry that it might happen, even accidentally. So I brought a plug with me to help. If something is already there that I am comfortable with, then nothing else can go in and I can relax. I know it sounds counter intuitive and it took me a long time to get to a point where I can even use it, but it actually helps and functions in a way that lets me maintain control over it.”
“Not weird, makes a lot of sense actually. You control its size, when you use it, and it prevents anyone you are with from just having an ‘oops’ moment or doin the whole ‘it's better to ask forgiveness than permission’ nonsense. I hear ya, I support it. Need any help or just some privacy?” 
“I can go put it in myself, wont take me too long I prepared myself for it but didn’t want to have it in all day. Give me a few minutes to get ready if you want to finish the room?”
“Sure, no problem, I can get it done.” Vyz went back to putting the finishing touches on the room when the crew arrived. 
They began setting up the cameras at the goblins' instruction and made sure all the equipment was well hidden so as to not ruin the scene. There would only be so many angles shot and the final product would time some time to edit and put together into something polished and finished, ready for release, but Vyz was fine with waiting. 
He had initially thought to hire a scene director, someone to keep everyone on track, but instead chose to work through the scenario with everyone, set a basic structure, and then just let things happen naturally. He wanted it to be real, visceral, and that wouldn't happen if there was a script or strict direction to follow. 
Ember came back into the room with nothing but a mask and some thigh high socks on. The masquerade mask was small, simple, and not too bulky. It would stay on easily, and leave her mouth and nose free. The thigh highs were a request from Vyz. The only other things she had on was special body make up that would hide her tattoos and dried down so it wouldn’t smear. She had practiced with it before, going through an intense sex scene to see how well it held up to sweat and other body fluids along with friction. It held up well enough that she was confident in being filmed. She knew her tattoos were recognizable enough that she just wasn’t willing to risk it since Vyz made it clear this wasn’t going to stay private.
The muscular goblin let out a low whistle when he saw Ember. The thigh high socks were perfect. A soft looking material, black, and they hugged her thighs in a way that made it clear they wouldn’t move. The mask was black with silver accents and it made her look elegant. “Damn, you sure do make a pretty picture there Em. So uh, when is Vela gonna arrive?”
“She should have already been here. I told her she needed to get here early to get ready. I hope everything is ok. Let me text her real fast.” Heading back to her bags to grab her phone Ember didn’t notice the door opening again.
The rest of the goblins arrived as a group. Vyz greeting his friends and acquaintances with a smile. “Glad ta see ya made it boys. Ember is in the back finishin up and we are just waitin on Velasara. I think you only met Ember though” Vyz commented to his friend. 
Coming back out Ember paused to see a room full of goblins standing around. All eyes were suddenly on her and never before had she felt more like prey. The moment passed quickly but it was hard to shake as a few sets of eyes lingered. 
“Here lemme introduce you. Ember you already know Krazz from the party. Those two are Riznik and Viznik, twins if it wasn’t obvious, and that is Zorblix.” Vyz finished the introductions.
“Just Blix.” 
Ember nodded and waved. “I would appreciate it if my name wasn’t used during filming, if it is all the same.”
“Sure thing, not a problem. Anyone else?” Vyz knew that both women would be in masks, but he wasn’t sure about anyone else.”
“I’m good with not using names. We all wearing masks or just the girls?” Krazz rolled his shoulders  and looked for a place to set down his bag. “I brought one with me just in case. No offence but I am not sure I want to be recognized.”
“We can just avoid names entirely if it helps. I can’t imagine there is gonna to be much talkin” Vyz chimed in, his accent sounding much thicker in comparison to his friend. 
“I don’t really give a shit either way. Not my first rodeo, so it is all fine with me.” Blix moved off to the back of the room and began stripping. 
There was a knock interrupting the conversation and the door slowly opened. “Hello? I am sorry I am late.” Vela stepped in looking a bit frazzled. “Sorry got caught up and it took me some time to get everything together. I hope I didn’t put us too far behind?” 
“Nah, yer good, we ain’t even started.” Vyz waved the lithe elf over and gestured to the back. “Go get ready and we can do a final run through and just make sure everyone is on the same page before we begin.” Vyz moved back to the recording room and spoke to the staff there, making sure that they would be ready to go as soon as the group finished their preparations. 
While Vyzzie was busy, the rest of the goblins stripped and got ready for the scene. The twins were engaged in a bout of rock paper scissors to decide who got which girl to start as they wanted some separation to start. Krazz slipped on his own mask, looking a bit like a corvid with the beak design. It was a little flashy for porn, but it went well with Ember's mask. He hoped that he would get a shot with the human at some point as he had been attracted to her since they met at a party Vyz had invited him to. 
Blix was busy strapping on his harness and cock ring. Fully prepared for taking over should the others struggle with any part of the scene. Of all of them he had the most experience performing for the camera,  he knew the best angles, how to position himself, and all the tricks needed to not blow his load too quickly. Considering how hot the girls were in this scene, those were some tricks he was going to have to utilize. 
Velasara came back looking an almost striking opposite of Ember. Her thigh highs were white with ruffles, her mask had white feathers and delicate gold filigree. She was taller than Ember with a lithe and delicate frame and soft features. Comparatively her body was a bit more slender when compared to Ember's more generous curves. The contrast made the pair enticing to look upon and the goblins in the room struggled to remain professional. 
Ember leaned up and tugged Vela down to whisper in a long ear. The tittering laugh from the elf filld the room as both women seemed quite amused about something. It made Vyz a little suspicious and he hoped that this wasn’t going to be something he needed to worry about later. 
“Ok, so here is the scene. I figure it will be easier if we don’t all start at first. I was thinking the girls could have a solo scene together or with one other person involved, then we can introduce some others, or if we are worried about time, then maybe we all just start? Opinions?” Vyz was looking around at the people gathered and realized how this looked. He hadn’t meant to only invite goblins, that was how it worked out. With all the cancellations and rescheduling, this was the group he ended up with and looking at it objectively, this would probably end up in a fetish category when released, even if there wasn’t a ton of kink involved. 
“Well are you looking to build a plot or not? Like do we want to have dialog, a wisp of a story, or just get to the fucking already?” Ember asked as she leaned into Vela
“Good question, uh, any thoughts, I know we ain’t got a ton of time. I booked us for the rest of the day, but gettin shots set up can eat into that, and we don’t really have a script. I kinda wanted this ta feel natural, a bit more amateur and spontaneous.” Vyz admitted.
“Eh, speaking as the one with experience here. Neither are going to work. It is too late to try and fudge a script and just jumpin in is going to get someone injured. I say let the girls warm each other up, that should also warm the rest of us up and get the mood set. I can tell first timers when I see em and there are some nervous faces in this group.” Blix walked up to Vyz and gestured to the setting. “Plus, with a setting like this, it just screams lesbian porno. So why not start that way? Then we transition into the spit roasting, the group sex, multiple penetration shots, all of that.” He shrugged and his eyes widened. “Oh, condoms? We doing condoms or creampies?”
“Creampies” Vyz interjected. “That is why this took so long. Everyone had to test clean and have alternative forms of birth control. We can switch to condoms if anyone is still uncomfortable with sloppy seconds or had some questionable interactions since getting tested.”
“Ok so it seems like we are ready. Vela, after you.” Ember gestured to the bed and smiled as her elvish friend climbed up on the bed. Ember followed staying on her hands and knees while Vela got situated. 
“What the fuck is that?” Blix blurted out and both girls fell into hysterical laughter. 
It took several moments for them to calm down enough for Ember to speak. “I have some hangups where anal sex is involved. I felt the only way I would be able to relax is to ensure that it couldn’t happen, even accidentally. Thus, an anal plug.”
“Ok, yeah, I get it, makes perfect sense. What I meant, was why is it flashing like a rave?”
Ember fell over laughing again and just shook her head, it took her a bit to compose herself. “Look, it is a thing with me. I never do anything even halfway normal. You see my  hair. My house look like a goth and a unicorn got into a fight. I like bright shiny things and honestly with the lights on it shouldn’t even be that noticeable or a distraction. I set it to slow strobe and match the lights hanging on the wall above the bed.”
“Ok, alright. One more question. Where did you get it and how much?” Blix was laughing and shrugging at the stares he was getting. “What? I wanna add one to my collection ok?”
“Let's talk after. I can give you all the details.” Ember slid up next to Vela and gave her friend a gentle kiss. 
Both women were clearly nervous to start and Vyz knew that the first several minutes of footage probably wouldn’t be used. Watching them slowly explore each other was a different kind of arousing entirely, and it was difficult not to get caught up in the moment and just be content with watching. The slide of their bodies together, the soft moans, the way the colors of their limited clothing contrasted, it was a truly beautiful sight. One that Vyz was loathe to interrupt, but knew he would have to if they were going to get to the point of the scene. 
The others held back waiting for Vyz to give the signal, It was hard not to be entranced, watching the women together. Especially once it was clear that they forgot where they were and were simply focused on the pleasure. Vyz held off a bit longer, watching with a slow smile as the women rocked slowly together at first, then sped up. The sound of their shared orgasm rang through the room snapping the goblins out of the spell they had been under. 
Ember lay next to Vela, her breathing slowing to normal as they nuzzled and kissed each other. Hands still exploring as they enjoyed the afterglow of their shared pleasure. Ember would have to remember this, maybe invite Vela over sometime to just see how things might work out between them. Up until this moment Ember was certain her elvish friend was straight, maybe that was not the case now and it was something worth exploring, only later. 
The bed shifted slightly as Vyz hopped up on the bed, crawling over to Ember and nipping her shoulder and neck. Pulling her gently and slowly to another part of the bed. The only way this would work was with a bit more space between the woman. Krazz was next on the bed, slipping up next to Vela and stroking over her sides and hip, his hands slipping up to her breast, fingertips teasing over her nipple. 
Riz and Blix joined Krazz by the elf, all of their touches light. Wanting to start slow, ease into it. Viz, was the last to join, slipping up next to Ember and Vyz, nuzzling at the human’s ample chest. Everything was slow to start, no one wanting to be the first to break the soft moment that had somehow been created. Vyz was the first to lose his battle with desire and pushed Ember onto her stomach, slipping a pillow under her hips and angling her face away from him. 
It was simply impossible to resist her, the scent of her, the sight of her, Vyzzie buried his face against her nether lips and pushed his tongue in, tasting her depths. Lips crooked up in a half smile at the sound of her moans suddenly being muffled. He didn’t have to look to know what had just happened and he was excited at how much Ember seemed to be enjoying it. Cutting his oral exploration short, Vyzzie lifted up and angled himself behind her, pushing his hard cock against her slick opening. She was so wet, so much wetter than he had expected and found it was far easier to slide in that usual. 
While the flashing light was a bit of a distraction, Vyz found it easier and easier to ignore the deeper he slid into Ember until he was balls deep and groaning. His claws dug into her skin as his control slipped for just a moment and he had to pause before thrusting. His ears twitched at the sounds coming from the other end of the bed and he risked a glance over at the elf. The sight was almost enough for him to lose it right there and he had to snap his gaze back down to Ember. 
Vela was up on her knees, Riding Riz, with Blix behind her, and Krazz standing with a firm grip on her head as he thrust into her mouth. Blix was still gently preparing her with some lube and a finger while he encouraged Riz with a quiet voice to keep a slow pace and to gently stimulate her clit. Blix knew that increasing the elfs pleasure was going to keep her relaxed and make penetration much easier. The extra lube helped as well and he wanted to make sure that she was fully ready before even attempting penetration. His experience was why he was the one handling preparing her and subsequently the one to be granted the pleasure of having her that way. 
Viz was careful, his hands resting on Ember’s head more than holding it as he thrust into her mouth. He was originally going to let her set the pace, and at first he did, but found that it just felt too good and he could not resist the urge to move his hips. He was focused, entirely on her and how it felt to be so far in her mouth and pushing into her throat. The feeling was unlike any other he had experienced, as this was his first time really trying anything with a human. He had a preference for orcish women, but now he wasn’t so sure that would be the case going forward. There was something softer, sweeter, more delicate about a human and he was eager to have his turn with the elf as well. 
Ember’s eyes rolled back in her head as Vyz snapped his hips forward hitting that spot so deep that only he ever seemed to hit just right. The feel of someone both in her throat and fucking her was becoming overwhelming. It was everything she had wanted from this experience and a little more. She could tell Viz was going easy on her, and she tried to encourage him when he began thrusting into her mouth. Closing her eyes she swallowed around him, letting her throat constrict around the head of his cock making him moan. It clearly worked to erode at his control as his hips snapped forward suddenly. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, his expression was one of slight concern. She just nodded, hoping he understood. 
It was pure heaven when Viz finally took the hint that she could handle it and threaded his fingers tighter in her hair, getting a good grip and tugging as he pushed his cock deeper into her throat. She was no longer giving him a blowjob, he was fucking her face, and her moans got louder and louder as she drew closer to release. The feel of her friend fucking her so hard and deep, his balls slapping against her clit as his sharp claws left little pinpricks of pain in her hips increased the sense of euphoria washing over her. Ember slipped into a more relaxed state, letting her body go slightly limp so that she could more easily be penetrated by both goblins. Soon her nose was pressed into the dark curls above Viz’s shaft as she felt his cock swell in her throat. A loud sharp moan from above her and the sudden heat in her throat let her know the goblin had reached climax.
Rope after rope of cum was pumped into her throat as Viz pulled out, some of his seed coating her mouth and lips, some hitting the mask as he fell back panting, clearly worried that he was choking her. With her airway free Ember could be better heard as she also reached climax almost the same time as Vyz did inside of her. The combined pleasure of dual penetration and stimulation was more than enough to send Ember over the edge hard. Vyz hunched over her back as he found his own release. 
Vela was on edge as well with Krazz thrusting more firmly into her mouth while Blix had slowly pushed inside of her. The feeling over all her holes being filled was one she had never thought she would enjoy and was now worried she would become addicted to. Somehow Riz and Blix found a Rhythm that kept almost constant stimulation within her, an almost overwhelming sensation as she was filled beyond anything she had ever experienced before. Surprisingly Vela was the first to reach release, easily, as Riz had continued stimulating her clit while she rode him. Since they were not closed to finished, the goblins did not stop and continued to fuck the elf right through her first orgasm. 
Blix helped Riz by taking over the clitoral stimulation so the other goblin could get a better grip on the elf to thrust deeper and faster up into her. Krazz kept his movements slow, despite wanting to just let go. He wanted to keep an eye on her to ensure that she remained ok, and he wanted to draw this out as much as possible. Vela was well on her way towards a second orgasm when Riz thrust up hard into her with a loud cry, his body shaking slightly as he emptied his seed inside of her. He could tell that Blix would probably be next and helped by reaching up and teasing Vela’s nipples to see if he could send the elf over the edge again.
Vela came almost at the same time as Blix who had snarled as he finally came, almost biting her and stopping himself at the last minute as he just pressed his forehead against her back and rode out his own pleasure while pumping his cum deep inside of her. The contractions of her body milking him for every drop he had as his grip on her remained tight. Krazz was the last to release, finally letting himself go and speeding up, pushing almost his full length into her throat with a loud cry. He almost fell over from the intense pleasure as he had unintentionally edged himself for the last bit of it. 
Carefully the goblins pulled out of their partners and all that could be heard was the sound of light panting and breathing normalizing. Vyz was the first one to speak. “Ok swap? Who wants to swap.”
Krazz raised his hand. “I call your position.” The others laughed at how quickly he responded. 
Blix shook his head. “I am good where I am if there are no complaints?” 
“Nah, I’m good, I’ll swap.” Riz offered. “Unless you want to stay with Ember Vyz?”
“That would put you and your brother on the same girl, that ok?”
“I don’t care, as long as our balls don’t touch it ain’t gay right?” Viz offered as a joke, he new that gay wasn’t the problem in that scenario, but it wouldn’t be the first time they had shared.
Ember lost it a little bit at that and then so did Vela. The boys had to wait for the giggling to die down before new positions could be achieved. Krazz rolled Ember onto her side, moving the pillow. 
“This ok?” He asked before positioning her leg up on his shoulder. 
Ember nodded and tilted her head up at Vyzzie. She had expected him to take a turn with Vela, and maybe he would, the night was young and there was no reason that they wouldn’t swap positions a few more times, especially with some of the ideas Vyz had shared with her during planning. He was smiling at her, stroking her hair away from her mask and carefully wiping the cum from it. Ember realized, from the look in his eyes that they might need to have a conversation later. It was clear an attachment might be forming and she just wasn’t ready for another relationship. Something she hoped wouldn’t ruin the friendship they already had. Glancing down she could see the eager look in Krazz’s eyes as he gazed down at her, positioning himself against her cum soaked folds. Ok, strike that, maybe a conversation with Vyz could happen after she got him and Krazz alone sometime and had them fuck her absolutely senseless. She had a feeling this was going to be a bit of a wild ride and while she still could she glanced over to see Vela being re positioned, clear glee on her friends face, even with the mask there was no missing that expression. 
The night was filled with the sounds of moans as the group quickly forgot the cameras and worked on trying as many different positions and combinations as they could before eventually collapsing in and exhausted heap and snuggling up together before the staff gently reminded them that closing time was less than an hour away. 
Overall, the experience had been one that wouldn’t be easily forgotten and new friends had been made from the most unlikely of scenarios. They all agreed that this was something they would like to try again, maybe with a script and more elaborate costumes, but that was a conversation for a later date when everyone was clean and well rested.
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el-im · 3 years
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im putting all the things ive been meaning to write posts about into one single item because i am feeling Very Observed lately and i figure with it being as early as it is that hopefully this wont show up on some peoples dashes by the time they get around to pulling up tumblr today. 
first of all heres a photo dump and some captions
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from when i texted charlie my images of the sisko card, which i was really hoping he’d like
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a smiley face on my coffee 
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i was gonna make a gender joke here bc the longer i looked at these before n after pinning back my hair pictures the more i was like ‘oh we just flipped gender presentation like a lightswitch huh’ but that was not funny and i am not funny and I wish i were but im not and its kind of a >:( fact thats been bugging me lately. 
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from mom, yesterday, who dropped off one for me, one for nick, one for mia, and one for abe. i was expecting this to be the only thing i got/heads up/message on valentines day but i woke up this morning to find that aub had sent me a playlist that i looked at but havent listened to yet (because im trying to order my responses to things in increasing complexity and time--i responded to the tik toks elanor sent me first, them had a look at the star trek document that joe sent me and commented on the questions he asked without giving away spoilers, and am now making this post, which ive been meaning to make, and will then maybe try to listen to the playlist and then respond to michelle’s email) 
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these are joes thoughts from some ds9 episodes. initially, i’d sent him a list of ‘best’  episodes (my favorites AND the eps i thought were most emblematic of ds9′s issues--bajor’s relationship with cardassia, trill relationships, etc) hoping that he’d be able to see the merit of the show, but he insisted on re-watching the first episode before he started working on the list because he’d only seen it once a long time ago, and then, after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit (with tosk) decided that he’d try to watch the full first season, especially after i expressed my dismay at realizing he wouldn’t get the chronological introduction to garak bc ep 3 wasnt on my list of best episodes. anyway. he showed me this list of written reactions after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit and it made me so happy he decided he’d keep doing it, which i insisted wasn’t necessary because it seems to me like a lot of work (and which i still feel guilty about) but he was like told me that he’d only seldom seen me as happy as i was upon reading that and it was something little he could do to foster that joy which.. makes my heart crack in two). 
anyway. the real reason i started this post was because ive been up in arms for the past few days about mia and covid. 
speaking of which. 
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baby ‘passed’ first covid test. that arrow on the side is the minimized player where im watching nemesis. hah. 
anyway. 
to make a longer story short, my (pregnant!!!) sister decided, stupidly, to go with her boyfriend abe, a sound engineer, to a broadcast stage he was setting up in california, because she has a liver condition that appeared during her pregnancy which makes giving birth difficult (which is emotionally challenging for her because she had always wanted to do an at-home birth without drugs) and in fact, is a condition which typically leads to the birth having to be induced early, which means, at this point in development, that she could potentially need to have the child at any time. she went with him because she didn’t want to be without him if the baby needed to come. she was there for a week, with the both of them feeling sick all the while, and then came home early without abe because she felt bad and wasnt having fun, eventually getting a ride from my mother (who lives with my grandmother and great aunt, 93 and 86 respectively) back home from the airport (she took a PLANE!?). anyway. at our insistence, she was tested the same day she got home. she was reluctant to do it because she ‘didn’t think she had it’ and figured that it was ‘just the flu, honestly’ as if she had any way of knowing that???? in the day she was waiting for her test results, she came out of her room multiple times without a mask on, walking around the kitchen or playing with the dogs, even though we told her to stay in her room (and had brought her food/hot tea/whatever else she needed). she had no reason to come out when she was 1. sick and 2. not quite sure if she had covid or not
anyway. her test came back positive so she was trying to ‘stay in her room’, which lasted for.. not even a day. nick and i, who hadn’t seen either of them in a week, but had been around each other, got tests. we (as pictured) both got negative results, so mia must have gotten it in california rather than from someone we’d all seen (like nick and mia’s dad or stepmother earlier in the month) 
abe came home soon after and had taken two rapid tests when he landed, but then, when coming home, immediately was sitting in the same room as my sister, without a mask on. he slept outside in our ‘arizona room’--a screened in patio with a futon in it for the first night. when his results came back (as negative), he decided that he was fine to be in the house, so wouldn’t wear a mask in the kitchen or in the living room, (something nick and i both did) AND would also be in the same room as my sister for long periods of time. i’d like to think he was wearing a mask in there, but i can’t be sure. he was playing video games in their shared room where mia was watching tv, as long as he (AND I QUOTE) ‘stayed in his corner’. it’s a ten by ten room at most. there’s no way that staying in there, even with a mask on, for as long as he did was a smart option. so... to reiterate. abe was in a room with my sister, who has covid, for a long period of time, and then wouldn’t wear a mask when in the common areas that everyone uses. which is... great right
and the thing thats been annoying me for these last couple of days in particular, ASIDE from all the dumb shit they’ve done up to this point, is that mia says abe needs to bring her food (valid) and YET mia is always in the kitchen (which doesn’t make sense). i was in the kitchen preparing a meal the other day and she came out to refill her water. which, if abe was functioning SOLELY to bring her things, as she was insisting, would not have warranted her coming out of her room. it was the middle of the day. she could have said she needed water and left her cup by the door and i could have refilled it and brought it back.... but she didn’t. i was wearing two masks (a cloth one over a medial grade one) but was still wary about her being there--because I was making food. i told her to get out of the kitchen because she’d finished getting her water, but she said ‘just a minute!!’ and continued, not three feet away from me, trying to pick up one of the dogs and playing with her. i kept telling her to go back to her room but she was acting as though i was being rude and being completely unreasonable??? she takes every request we make for her to stay away from us as a personal attack, like we don’t want to see her or be around her, instead of us trying to protect ourselves from covid?? 
THEN the fun part is after all this, abe sets up an inflatable mattress in the office (which is :) right :) next :) to my room) because he decides he doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as mia (reasonable) despite having been occupying the same room as mia for hours (STUPID). so now abe is using the hall bathroom, which nick and i use/shower in/brush our teeth in. before, abe had been using mia’s bathroom off the bedroom, and, again, had been sleeping in there. so now, if abe DID catch it from mia, which is likely, at this point, he’d going to give it to nick and i.
nick and i were upset about this, and told mia last night that she needed to stay in her room. that was how people quarantined. that is how you quarantine. you do not leave your room for ANY reason, especially if you have 1. MULTIPLE PEOPLE CAPABLE AND WILLING TO BRING YOU FOOD AT ANY TIME OF DAY and 2. A BATHROOM THAT CONNECTS TO YOUR ROOM. she came out and started yelling at us about abe, though neither of us wanted to fight with her (and there was no reason to fight about something we were CLEARLY right about). she said ‘YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS’ which meant that abe can’t not use the livingroom and the hall bathroom (which we were saying he shouldnt do) and that he can’t be in quarantine with mia (stay with her in her room) but the thing is.... BECAUSE he has spent so much time with her, and because they weren't wearing masks when they were outside and BECAUSE he spent hours playing video games in the room that my sister has been quarantined in for a whopping two days--he now shouldnt ALSO be using our bathroom, because now we can get sick. (and probably fucking will!!!!) she is having him now stay in the office and use our bathroom (GREAT) instead of just biting the bullet and staying with her because he ALREADY HAD BEEN staying with her 
and now they are both in the kitchen :)! i can hear them from my room. great. 
anyway here r some sketches that i never uploaded before cause theyre hideous but im putting here because i hope to fuck no one actually reads this/scrolls down this far
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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)
well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped
I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.
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semiconducting · 3 years
Text
just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !
im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical. 
i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.
and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.
and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery
and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...
and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.
and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.
so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.
i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.
it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.
over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.
but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class. 
and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other. 
n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.
and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.
we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.
it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh). 
he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else. 
but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove. 
for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.
but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.
i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around. 
its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.
and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.
and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was. 
it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.
but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL
it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.
and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.
and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.
but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.
and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.
and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.
its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.
and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.
but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.
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bahrlee · 4 years
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Suck the Blood From my Wound - Beok AU
Sorry for the late post I'm lazy
🦇🦇🦇chapter 19: Questions🦇🦇🦇
"What the hell is on your arm!?" Mitzi screeched, pulling him over and looking at the healing scars on his arm.
   "Yeah, long story." He said. He was completely unphased by her yelling. He tried to teach her not to, as they didnt want to draw attention to themselves, and he could be a bit sensitive to it too even though he was used to her loud voice, but she seemed cursed to use her outside voice forever. He told her of the break in, and Rolfes rampage, and that Dook safely tended to the wound, and that everything was okay now.
   Only it wasnt to her, and it caused her to freak out. "Beach, what if the silver thing didnt work?! I never heard of that before until now!" She exclaimed, offended she didnt know everything.
   "It felt like it worked." He put his hand over the wound. 
   "I sure hope it did, you can't be a werewolf, or I will kill myself---"
   "Now Mitzi, we dont say that." He warned. 
   "Oh whatever." She splashed at him. He was used to getting soaked every time they saw each other too. "Anyways, he told you he was a vampire?" She asked.
   He nodded.
   "So it's an open secret now?"
   He shrugged. "More or less, I guess. He told me everything you know, basically."
   "Huh. I thought he'd keep that secret until he exploded or something." She said. "Is thst your only injury?"
   "Yeah."
   "Okay. Did Dook get hurt?"
   "Yeah, but hes fine now."
   He was surprised how worried she was. She seemed so apathetic at times, so when she actually showed compassion, or concern, it always caught him off guard. 
   "I fucking hate werewolves." She uttered, looking up at him with a look of pity.
   "Do you want a hug, is this what this is about?" He smirked.
   She pulled him into the water and hugged him tight, getting him even more wet. "I couldnt lose you like my parents, okay?"
   He hugged her back, laughing solemnly at her awkward ways of showing affection that he has come to enjoy.
   "Werewolves are jerks." She said.
   "I know, I know." he said to her softly. "If I turn into a werewolf, which I feel like I wont, but just to make sure, go into my house, take the fork above the sink, and do what you have to do."
   "What?" She gasped, letting go of him.
   "I've seen what being turned into something you dont wanna be does to a person. Look at Dook, he hasn't had a peaceful moment in his life, even when he followed instruction. I would rather die than go through that. Even as a lone wolf." He explained. 
   "What if… you actually started a relationship with him and then Dook asks you if you wanted to be a vampire? What would you do then?" She asked.
   "Dook wouldnt force me to be one, so if I dont want to be, I'd just walk away." He answered. He still wondered what it would be like to be a vampire, especially the part where he basically had to disappear from the earth without a trace, and leave behind the people he cared about, just like that. There werent many people, but the few whom he was close to meant a lot to him.
   "Would you ever want to be supernatural or mythical?" She was very serious.
   He shrugged. "Depends."
   "God, you're so vague." She pushed him away.
   "So?" He said back. Now they were back into their normal dynamic.
   She glared at him. "I hate you."
   "And?"
   She pushed him into the water.
   "Jesus fucking christ, Mitzi, you gotta stop doing that!"
   "Well you're making me angry!"
   "You make me angry, but you dont see me doing random mean shit to you!"
   "Well it would help if you gave me real answers to my questions!" 
   "Fine, fine!" He held his hands up in defeat. "For now, I'd like to stay human. Not saying if never, but for now. Thats what I meant, okay?" He explained.
   She nodded, satisfied with the answer. "Human life doesnt interest you much, from what I can tell, so you'd probably adjust well. At least better than Dook." She thought aloud. "Youd make a hot werewolf. Or vampire. Heck, with that voice, you would make a hot polar bear or something."
   "Who would be attracted to a bear?"
   At this point, there would be a pan to the camera and the two main characters would be looking at the reader knowing full well that there are people out there attracted to him as a polar bear.
   "I'm just saying, alright? You could be Jacob from that twilight movie thing. Hes a hot werewolf, right?"
   He made a noise to himself. "Twilight fucking sucks. I've read the books. I still own the books. It's awful, and I love it."
   "I dont understand. If something bad, why do you like it?" She asked.
   "Because of the joy you get from hate watching. It's like how you hang around someone because of their punchable face and you get joy from how much you want to punch it." 
   She still didnt seem to understand. 
   "I'll show it to ya, you'll understand. True Blood, too. That shit is wild." He thought back on the adventures of Sookie Stackhouse and her plethora of sexy vampire boyfriends throughout the series.
   "I'm starting to think you're a vampire enthusiast." She said.
   "And…. What do you mean by that?" He asked.
   "You read literature, watch movies and shows, and just know almost everything about vampires. Plus you seemed a little too thrilled when learning they were real, especially when you learned Dook was one. You also like rock music and turn the radio to a different station whenever an Ed Sheeran song comes on…." She said. "So I gotta ask, Were you one of those edgy people, like, the ones that listened to screaming music and stuff and had the floppy hair and wore ripped jeans?"
   He cringed and turned away, her striking a nerve. He didnt like to think about that.
   "Oh my god. You better show me pictures the next time I come over!"
   "They're all at my parents house. The only one I have is my…. Highschool senior band photo." He made a face of disgust thinking about it.
   "You need to show me. I cant believe it! No wonder you like Dook, you used to be one of them! How are you all soft and pastel now? I need to know your lore! Tell me!" She was giggling quite a bit, but Beach wasnt the slightest bit amused. That was honestly the most embarrassing years of his life, the badly dyed hair, the eyeliner, the chokers and Green Day posters…. but he explained it to her anyways, and how it sadly, was in fact, just a phase, because Mitzis spiteful curiosity, though a bit morbid at times, being fulfilled, made her the happiest.
🦇🦇🦇
   Now that the vampire thing was an open secret between them, his inner fascination with horror and cryptic creatures that he thought left him in highschool came back to him. He didnt want to overwhelm him with questions, but he had to ask what has always been on his mind since he first cracked open Dracula in the 8th grade to show off to the teacher how smart he was. It was the middle of the night, Dook was at his house, hiding from Rolfe inside the walls only he was welcome in, and he wanted to take advantage of this time they had together to learn.
   "Okay. This bugged me for the longest time. Do vampires pee?" He decided to start off with a silly one.
   Dook made a noise of disgust.
   "What? This has bugged me forever! You drink blood, so, do you pee?"
   He rolled his eyes, his grin slight. "No." He answered. "And no, I dont know why."
   "Im..m guessing that it's because you're a lot dryer than a humans body, and it uses up all the moisture, so theres nothing to filter out."
   Dook looked rather unamused by his query.
   "What? I had a binder dedicated to this stuff." 
   He knew the whole vampire thing was Dooks favorite part of himself by the way he ignored it and didnt think much about it, and only spoke about it in a negative light, but his want to know more about being a vampire from an actual one manifested in him and wouldnt leave until it was fulfilled.
   "And I thought you were cool." Dook chided.
   "Oh please. I was not. Now…. I heard somewhere that vampires can get nourishment from semen." He couldnt help it, part of him wondered all the time if Mitzi was pulling that out of her ass just to mess with him.
   "What?! How'd you find that out?! The internet?"
   He paused for a moment, remembering Mitzi in the back of his head. "Yes."
   He could see Dook was embarrassed by this fact as he blew a puff of air out of his nose and turned red. "It doesnt have as much uh…. Nourishment as blood---i know that, I've tried to live off of it---but we can."
   "How many guys have you've slept with?" He asked light heartedly and jokingly. 
   "A lot." He answered quietly. "Well, maybe not a lot a lot, quite a few."
   "Hey, it's okay, I dont care. Hey, that brings me to my next question. Do…. Vampire get STDs?"
   "Honestly, I dont know. I dont know most of these." He shrugged, slightly frustrated. "I didnt want this. I wanted to get my life together, that's what I wanted." He grimaced, frustrated. "I-I hate how stupid I was to get dragged into their world. That's why I didnt wanna tell you, it's not a good place, I wanna keep you safe." He looked at him glumly. When he was sad it reminded him a lot of those paintings of the sad clowns. The look of his downturned mouth and the woe in his eyes, it was pitiful whenever he made this face. Maybe vampirism is an STD, he thought to himself, knowing saying it out loud to him would be a terrible idea. Sometimes jokes had to stay in your head due to tonal shifts. He learned that the hard way 
   "It was my birthday a week ago." He said, after a long, sad, silence.
   "Really?" 
   "Yeah, but…. No real point in birthdays when you live forever. What's there to celebrate?" He looked at the ground, looking like he hoped Beach wouldnt make a big deal out of it.
   "Us." He blurted.
   He looked up, his expression neutral. "Well sure, us…. But you know what I mean. Its…. Nothing now. holidays dont mean anything when you have nobody to celebrate em with." He stretched his arms out. "I have a big family, so… holidays were a lot of fun." He bittersweetly reminisced. "Theyd make me lead all the sing alongs, ever since I started a band."
   "Funny, my parents always wanted me to shut up if I tried to lead."
   "Well because I can hear you singing them right now, you suck at christmas carols."
   "Christmas Carol's suck anyways, after two weeks of them, I'm burnt out. Winters a miserable time for me anyways, so christmas isnt my most favorite holiday." He explained. 
   "It never was for me either, but…. I liked seeing our family together, you know? I-I liked seeing my nieces and nephew opening their presents, and scaring my sister by turning on that, uh, that creepy robot singing Santa we had in the corner…. we had one of those, and my sister was deathly afraid of it." He half-heartedly giggled to himself. "I miss them a lot."
   "Now…. That's something I always wondered. How does a vampire deal with things like that? Being so far away from family? Never seeing them again, watching them pass on, stuff like that?" He asked. "If it's not too much for you to answer."
   "Lonely. I feel lost without knowing the people around me. Scared. I'm not good with strangers, or talking." He began playing with a curl again, wrapping it around his finger and tugging at it like he always did, maybe for comfort, though it was a rather self destructive way to comfort yourself, maybe to warn himself not to unbury his tears from his eyes. "I mean it's not too bad when you move around a lot, but…. I still wanted at least someone  besides Rolfe."
   "Its really scary, not knowing anyone."
   "I feel so alone all the time. I also feel like I'm missing out. My nieces and nephew are growing up, everyone's changing, and I'm not there to see it. That's why I had such a hard time telling you. If you choose to become a vampire, you'll lose everything. I dont want to be that reason you have to do that." He explained. "I should pursue vampires, really, but…. I dont feel like I'm one."
   "I mean it affects you daily, or in this case nightly life, how do you not feel like one?"
   "I mean, sure I-it changed my life a lot, but since I never wanted to be one in the first place, I never felt it. If I could just go back in time and prevent it from happening, I would." He blinked and a few tears fell, which he quickly wiped away in hopes that Beach didnt see. He crawled over and settled into his arms when he opened them up and gestured for him to come over from his little corner.
   "I'm sorry." He said.
   Dook closed his eyes and let the relaxing feeling of the embrace engulf him.
   Dook wasnt really a vampire to him, either. Sure there were points he looked the part, but there was something missing from him. Vampires usually carried themselves with a malicious pride. They usually took joy in who they were, and embraced and flaunted their vampiric selves, at least thats what the classic vampires did. But he didnt consider Twilight vampires real vampires anyways, but sparkly pasty abominations, so he took the original depictions as the most truthful. And from what hes heard, it was. But Dook felt disgust towards this aspect about himself. All it did was cause constant strife, pain, and fear in his life. He was sickened by it.
   "We can celebrate holidays together now, though. Itll only be the two of us, maybe Roxy, but…. You arent alone anymore." He said. 
   Dook looked up at him, a solemn smile on his face. He put a hand on his face and stroked his thumb against his cheek. "We both arent alone anymore."
   He was right. He forgot how lonely he was sometimes, because it was just a part of his every day life. He lived alone, did lots of things alone, and even when around people, he felt alone. But he was, and Dook was here, actively diminishing that aspect of his life. They were quickly becoming inseparable, and it was something he could ever hope for. Hes never tried to have this kind of closeness with someone---he hasn't pursued a relationship since highschool---and it was just as amazing, and hard, and confusing as everyone at Roxys made it out to be.
   He sighed, smiling sleepily back at him. "I'm gonna go to bed. You can stay out here if youd like." He took Dooks hand off of his cheek and kissed it, Dook moving off of him so he could get up.
   "Okay." He said. "I'm gonna go out for a little bit then, if you dont mind."
   They left their separate ways, Beach going to bed, suddenly not used to having Dook in his arms, suddenly excited for Halloween, and a bit more anxious about keeping Mitzi from him so they could stay together long enough for Halloween. He tried to stop himself from imagining his image of the future to include him, as this imagining could get his hopes up too high. but maybe it was okay to think. At least for now. Just for a little fun. Just to give him good thoughts before he drifted into sleep.
🦇🦇🦇
   Those thoughts appearently, didnt work as the dreamcatcher he was promised they would. He awoke from a nightmare, in a sweat, the dark leaving him disoriented and confused. He almost began crying and screaming, like he did as a little kid every time he had a nightmare. Hed keep crying, and crying, for his dad and then for his mom, and then about whatever he dreamed about, until someone came in and carried him into their room so he could sleep. But then he remembered he was an adult, and Dook was gone at the moment, or so he assumed, so nobody was there to pick him up and comfort him, so he quietly just sat in bed, dazed, before getting out and stumbling around in order to turn every light on in the house, still believing that the lights eradicated the monsters. He even sang to himself "God is bigger than the boogie man" from veggietales, trying to lighten himself up. He came downstairs to furn on the light, but he saw it was already on. Maybe he left it on or something. He went downstairs anyway, and stumbled backwards in fear when he saw Dook sitting on the couch with a laptop in his lap, a pair of glasses on. 
   "Jesus fucking christ!" He yelped.
   "Oh, hello." Dook said. "Nice song." 
   "Oh, you…. Heard that." He smiled nervously, hoping they wouldnt talk about that.
   "Are you okay?" He asked. 
   "No." He shook his head, still smiling. "Bad dreams."
   "Aw, not one of those. Seemed like a very scary one, too. I mean it set you into song." 
   "I'm used to living alone, so I sing to myself a lot." He shrugged. "What are you doing? Are you doing your scam thing?" He asked.
   "I was." He said. "You wanna come over here?"
   Beach was nervously rubbing the palms of his hands together, still shaken to bits by the nightmare. He nodded and padded over like a little kid, taking a seat next to him and resting his head on his shoulder, Dook lifting his arm over and stroking his hair. 
   "Glasses." Beach said, another wave of disorientation overcoming him.
   "Yeah. You good? So sound like you're a novocaine right now."
   "I'm tired, shut up."
   Dook giggle and kissed the top of his head, closing the computer and setting it aside so he could fully cuddle him. 
   "What was your dream about?" Dook asked.
   "Um… I was in a dark room, and there were paintings on the wall. And I turned the light on, and the paintings began to fall. So I went over, and picked up the paintings and hung them back up, but every time I hung back up the paintings, the light would get dimmer and would soon go out. And then it would go out and then I'd run back and turn it on again, and the paintings would fall. So I had to go back, and the same thing happened." He explained. "And then someone opened up the door just…. Screamed at me. It was like a high pitched one, too. And then I woke up."
   "Wow. Thats…. Abstract." He said.
   "It was loud." He whined. 
   "I bet. Are you worried about something?" He asked.
   "A lot of things, yeah. I hate the fall, and it's coming up real soon, and I just really hate the dark for some reason, like, it's an irrational fear I've never grown out of."
   "Like my fear of bugs." He said.
   "Why do you hate bugs? Bugs are cool."
   "Bugs are just…. Gross." He made a face. "Moths especially. I fucking hate moths."
   "Jeez. What did they ever do to you?"
   "Lay eggs in my room, and then hatch and fly everywhere for 3 hours while I had to whack em all to the ground with a shoe."
   "Okay that is kinda gross." He agreed. He felt himself getting tired again, the anxiety and fear finally wringing out of him. His body was heavy with exhaustion, and he couldnt move. "I wouldnt like being a vampire." He said. "A whole life in the dark would be too scary."
   "Glad you feel that way." He said, sighing and giving him a light squeeze. "You're tired. Go back to bed, alright?"
   "Okay." He said with a sleepy smile. He got up and stumbled for a few moments before gaining his footing and walking back upstairs. "Wait. Dook."
   "Yeah?"
   He leaned over the staircase. "I love you."
   Dook beamed up at him, amused by his loopy state. "I love you too." He said, waving goodnight. 
   Turning all of the lights off that he frantically turned on when he first woke up, Beach feel into bed, falling almost immediately asleep, his wish of having a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night come true. 
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fucnhg-slee-p · 3 years
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C+L4EVR (Part2)
In potions class she sat sandwiched between Cedric and Harry. snape was saying something liza couldn’t be bothered with at the moment. “Psst” Cedric leaned in “what’s your birthday plan?” He whispered. “Huh? Probably nothing as usual, you know how much is hate my birthday” Cedric sighed as the bell rang signaling the class was over. They walked into the hall together “liza will you spend this birthday with me this year? Instead of going back home”
Liza looked up at him, shocked for some reason “you want me to stay?”

“Yes, i know you’ll have a much better time here than with your family. Please stay, ill even hang out with draco for the day too”
Liza stopped in her tracks “wait, did i just hear you properly? You’ll hang out with draco? For me?” The smile on her face couldn’t contain itself. “I can’t believe you’d really do that. Last time you tried you said you’d never do it again”
“Yeah well i wanna make your birthday the best it can be so... ill do it”
He gave her a warm smile that made her knees go weak. Cedric had clearly been talking for a few minutes but time felt as if it had slowed down and all liza could think of was how good he looked right now, holding his books to his chest silently wishing it could be her in his arms instead of those stupid books... “liza?” Cedric waved his hand in front of her face as an attempt to get her out of her trance, “were you even listening? This whole time i was going on and you heard none of it” he pretended to act hurt but couldn’t help the chuckle that forced itself out of him. “Shit I’m sorry Ced, i got lost in m head.”
“It’s alright, darling. It wasn’t important anyway” he was actually glad she hadn’t heard a single thing he’d said because that meant he could surprise her with his plan for her birthday
“god, how am i ever supposed to get over him” she thought as they continued walking to their next class.
_________________________________________
Weeks passed and neither Cedric or draco had mentioned her birthday recently, maybe Cedric changed his mind about wanting her to celebrate her birthday in hogwarts. It almost seemed as if both of them were avoiding her.
For the last few days she’d been hanging out with Fred and George, joining in on their pranks to distract her mind from the hurt of her best friends acting so strange and distant. The twins were like her older brothers, they were always so kind to her. She loved spending time with them and it was nice to be seeing more of them recently, something she discovered about the twins which isn’t really something you’d expect from them was that they loved to stargaze. Laying outside hagedis hut staring into the night sky in between them was very quickly also one of her favorite pastimes. The only problem was that she deeply wished that it was Cedric that she lay beside staring straight into the shimmering sky.
Her birthday was in 1 day and she was devastated at the thought that she wouldn’t really be spending it with Cedric or even draco seeing as neither of them were anywhere to be found. “You alright, darling?” Fred asked as he noticed silent tears falling from her eyes. She nodded and said nothing
“Can we let you in on a secret?” George started, she looked at him as if to let him know to continue with whatever he was about to say, “well, the thing is we know something you might be interested in” he said as he wiped a tear from her cheek
Liza looked puzzled, what on earth was he on about “well, we think its about your birthday, love” Fred half whispered, she then turned to his direction assuming he’d continue but he said nothing else, “well? What is it then?” She asked getting impatient
The twins gave each other a look, at this point liza decided to sit up and turn to face the both of them still Laying down with their hands behind their heads because it was getting hard to look back and fourth between them.
“So the other day we saw Cedric” george started “and draco” Fred continued
“Together” they said in unison
“Together? What? Were they arguing or something?”
“That’s the thing, they weren’t!” George said with wide eyes to make it more dramatic
“Well what were they doing?”
“Well we weren’t entirely sure, and of course it got us quite interested so we followed them for a while and it turns out they’re working on some kind of project” once again Fred continued George’s sentence “a..project? The two of them working on it together? Are you two mad?”
The whole idea of that was so insane it wasn’t even funny “what kind of joke is that its so unrealistic” liza huffed irritated with their bad attempt at a joke
“What?” The boys said in sync, it was always a little creepy when they did that. They sat up at the same time, looking puzzled “we aren’t joking, darling” said George “we really did see it, we could hardly believe it ourselves and we saw it happen”
“I haven’t seen them in weeks and all of a sudden now that they’ve been avoiding me they’ve decided to become friends?” Liza was furious now instead of sad, her best friends had been getting along without her? What a horrible feeling she had, “i mean i know Cedric said he would try to get along with draco but why are they avoiding me i just don’t understand” with that she was sad again and confused, so confused
“Well our assumption was that they were planning something for you, it’s what it looked like” Fred said while standing up and holding his hand out to liza as if to help her up, she took his hand and George stood as well. “I think it’s about time for bed now, let’s head back” Fred stated and the group agreed slowly walking back to the castle.
————————
One very long walk later she’d finally made it back to the Slytherin common room being too exhausted to make it up to the sleeping area, she had plopped herself down on the couch and almost fell asleep when she had heard footsteps coming down the boys dorms. Quickly she pretended to be asleep and whoever decided they were going to sneak out almost made it out before seeing her in their peripheral vision and stopped in their tracks turning back to look at her and sight made them sigh sadly. She was still in her school uniform and looked so uncomfortable. He walked up to her and placed the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch over her body, kissed her forehead, whispered “sleep tight, love” then proceeded to sneak out. She knew it was draco, she could tell from the moment he’d made it Down the stairs. After she was sure he was gone she went upstairs and got into her bed but didn’t sleep at all.
—-
Today was her birthday, it was too late to sped it back home now so she begrudgingly got dressed and put makeup on, heading to the great hall for breakfast the second she walked through the door of the Slytherin common room though she was met with draco, Cedric and...16 cakes floating around them? The boys laughed awkwardly then sang happy birthday in unison. “This has to be a dream” she said, her voice laced with shock and disbelief. “First of all thank you, but fuck you guys for completely ignoring me for so long” she was happy about what was in front of her but still hurt “I’m so sorry we’ve been working for hard to plan this whole day” draco and Cedric said at the same time sounding genuinely sorry and worried. She hugged them both as tight as she could “I love you guys so much” she said with tears in her eyes “I love you too” Cedric said, his tone becoming more serious. Draco and Liza gave each other a look. Cedric immediately snapping out of it and laughed mentally kicking himself for being so stupid and awkward. draco awkwardly coughed “Liza follow us we have a surprise” grabbing her hand and pulling her along. Cedric following along right by her side wishing he was holding her hand instead. Wait what? He obviously only thought that because his hands were cold, no other reason.. right?
She was lead into the room of requirement and was met with all of her friends gathered around and talking. Immediately stopping what they were doing to shout “happy birthday” the 16 cakes had followed the trio the whole way and landed safely on a dining table and arranged themselves to spell “happy birthday liz” with each cake having its own letter on it. Balloons of all colors and shapes filled the room. Liza started tearing up “thank you guys so much” she hugged them both. After they pulled away Cedric wiped her tears away “don’t cry, love”
———-
The party itself was quite fun, everyone was drinking and getting along well, and there wasnt a single fight from Cedric and draco, not even bickering, which was odd but liza thought she shouldn’t mention it tonight because everything was so perfect she didn’t want to ruin it by bringing it up.
It was nearing the end of the party, everyone had eaten cake awhile ago by now and liza had already opened all of her gifts which were mostly cute clothes. Neville had gotten her a small ceramic frog with a witch hat on and Ron had gotten her a ceramic kitten, also dressed as a witch, Presumably they’d planned that. draco got her a nice necklace with a moon charm on it. But she didn’t get a gift from Cedric which didn’t matter because of all of the work he and draco had put into making her such a nice party.
As everyone was leaving, heading into the hall Cedric pulled her aside and pulled out a small jewelry box from is pocket. “I wanted to give this to you separately from all the other gifts because its kind of special” his voice laced with nervousness, his cheeks were bright red. Hesitating, he handed it to her. Inside was a bracelet that he’d clearly made himself with lettered beads on it that said “C+L” and stuck to the inside of the lid was a printed photo of them together. Liza smiled up at him “i love it, ced” she put it on and hugged him. When they pulled away he kept his hands on her shoulders. “Liza.. t-there’s something i have to tell you” his hands slowly going down the length of her arms to hold her hands. She gave him a look as if to continue and he did. “I’m- i, uh.. well, I’m in love with you” liza was stunned, she’d been waiting to hear that for so long this had to be a dream. “You’re.. in love with me? Are you sure?” She had worry in her face as if maybe it was some sick joke. He looked down too embarrassed to look at her now, he thought she was rejecting him, “yeah, I’ve been sure since year 3” he said with tears starting to form in his eyes, looking back up at her he started rambling “I understand that you don’t feel the same and its okay, i hope this wont make anth-“ it was as if she wasnt in control of her own body as she leant up to kiss him, holding his face in her hands. In shock Cedric was still for a moment before he leaned into her touch, deepening the kiss. They both felt dizzy with adrenaline and it was the best thing they’d ever felt. Cedric pulled her closer so there was no room between them. They slowly pulled away, still embraced in each other’s arms, he rested his forehead against hers “i love you too” she said smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. “I love you so much”
Draco still in the room coughed loudly as they were leaning in to kiss again “you better not snog in front of me all the time now, i think i might get sick” he said with a false disgust. Walking away towards everyone else he smiled and winked at liza.
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coffeecrusadeclub · 5 years
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Familiar Faces -Tyrus fic
Cyrus's POV:
"I know! I swear I want-" I cut my sentence off short and stared past my friend, Buffy, causing her to turn around and see what had rendered me speechless.
"What the-Is that TJ?" Buffy asked, a little too loud. His head turned towards us and I quickly ducked down to avoid being seen.
"Cyrus what are you-"
"Buffy Shh!" I cut her off, but it was too late. We were noticed and TJ had started over to our table.
"Buffy did we pay already"
"Yeah wh-"
Before she could finish her response I had grabbed her hand and rushed her out of the spoon. I was glad I had given up trying to sit at the counter and let Buffy choose a seat by the exit.
"Cyrus what the heck is going on" Buffy asked after a couple minutes, finally pulling me to a stop.
"I dont- I dont want to see him. Why is he back"
"Cyrus he probably is visiting family. When he left Amber said their mom sent him to some bootcamp program or something, that hed be gone for a couple years, it's been 3 years he might just be back"
"No! No no no! He cant be back I cant- I cant have him around after-" I stopped myself from completing the thought.
"Alright Cyrus come on we are going to your place and you're telling me what the heck is going on. You two were so close up until a week before he left"
Despite my protests Buffy dragged me to my house and upon heading down to the entertainment room in my basement, demanded I tell her what happened. I was hesitant at first, not wanting to relive the memories but the therapist in me thought it might be good for me to talk about so I told her.
**** 3 years ago ****
"TJ, you've had too much to drink. Where did you even get all this you're only 17"
"Ugh mind your business Goodman I get it's in your name but why cant you loosen up? You're being a lame"
I tried to shake off his words, I didnt know why he was acting this way but I tried to convince myself it was the alcohol talking not him.
"Baby you don't mean that, come on let's go wash up and go to bed okay? Come on" I gently took hold of his arm and tried to lead him up the stairs but he quickly yanked away from me.
"Stop calling me that I'm not fucking gay Cyrus. Whatever this is has to stop now it's getting old"
"TJ, I-"
"No dont look at me like that. I'm not gay I never was. Sure you're my friend but I figured I could win you and mess around some"
"I was wh- Is that all I was? Some prize to be won? A toy to be played with? You know what TJ no screw you!" I felt tears well up in my eyes and tried to stop them from falling but still they rolled down my cheeks.
"Don't cry. Cyrus dont cry please I'm sorry" TJ's tone and attitude changed and I didnt know what to believe. He was drunk and unstable.
"Just- just stop talking let's get you to bed"
"Cy I love you baby" he smiled softly at me, it was like he didnt remember the things he had said just a moment before
"Mhm come on into bed you go" I replied setting a trashcan down next to him. I decided not to sleep in his bed and took some blankets and pillows down stairs to the couch. I was woken up to the sound of TJ's voice the next morning.
"H-hey Cy goodmorning baby, how come you slept down here?"
"Do you not remember what happened last night?"
"No not really, but based on the massive headache I have right now and the fact that I reek of liquor, I assume I got drunk"
"That you did. As well as say some pretty nasty stuff"
"Oh no Cy I-"
"Dont. Just- Don't okay? Dont say sorry because itd be nothing more than empty air you dont even remember." I cut him off, a sense of bitterness in my tone.
"Cy what did i- what did I say?"
"I was you're prize, just a toy to be won.. You're not gay."
"Cyrus Im s-"
"Dont. Dont say it. Dont tell me you're sorry you dont mean it"
"I didnt mean for that to come out then I didn't-"
"So it was true?"
"No I-"
"Just- stop already TJ you're not helping. You were right about one thing last night. This needs to stop. I'm tired of being pushed around- pushed away when other people are around. The truth came out TJ, hopefully you can too" with tears running down my face I took my chance to leave at that. I never wanted to see him again.
****current time****
I looked up at Buffy who had a a soft expression on her face. I wiped tears away from my own as she pulled me into a hug
"Oh Cyrus you didnt deserve that. Not at all, nobody can treat my best friend like that. I'm gona go find him" she stated, getting up from the couch.
"Buffy no. That was 3 years ago, I should be over it by now"
"But you're not"
"I know I'm not Buffy but he probably doesn't even remember"
Buffy sighed but agreed to let things be and I heard a familiar knock pattern on my door.
"TJ's here..." I said a slight panic rising in me
"How do you know"
"That's his knock. Everytime he used to visit he would knock a bunch of times in a heartbeat rhythm"
"I'll kick him out-"
"No no just- you go home I'll call you later. Okay?"
"Fine okay"
We walked upstairs to the front door together and I opened it, sure enough it was TJ
"Hey Buffy.. Cyrus" TJ greeted us shly
"Kippen" Buffy responded coldly before walking out the door to leave "Bye Cyrus see you later" I waved for a moment before turning back to the blue eyed boy standing on my front porch.
"TJ..."
"Can I come in? Please we really should talk"
"About what? Theres nothing to talk about"
"About what happened before I left"
"I dont know what you mean" I responded playing dumb.
"Cyrus we both know that's not true or you wouldnt have run away at the spoon like you did." He looked at me with pleading eyes and I sighed stepping out of the doorway and letting him in. We sat down in the kitchen and I made him a cup of coffee.
"Cyrus I never meant to hurt you. The things I said- they weren't meant to be taken like that. I just I was drunk and I guess the delivery wasnt great"
"Yeah no kidding" I responded coldly, scoffing at him.
"I did love you Cyrus- I do. I just was scared. The day before.. my mom found out. She started screaming at me because she had seen us kissing. I- I panicked she had seen us on a nanny cam she told me to breakup with you. I never meant to but I knew the camera was there and I guess I just couldnt convey that I was acting.. she sent me away anyway"
"TJ.. I didn't- I didnt know.. I'm sorry"
"How were you supposed to?"
"I could have let you talk that morning... tell me..."
"It wasnt you're fault Cyrus"
I felt tears well up in my eyes, "yes it was! All these years I spent mad at you and it was my fault. I should have just let you explain and this wouldnt have happened I wouldn't have-" suddenly I felt TJs hands on my wrists as his lips pressed against mine. He started to pull away and then leaned back in, slowly loosening his grip on my wrists. Once he pulled away I took a deep breath
"God I missed that" he whispered softly
"Me too" I replied.
We sat there and talked for hours, we had 3 years of making up to do. And 3 years of anger, pain, and betrayal to deal with. But we had each other and that's what mattered.
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