#THIS WAS SOMETHING I DECIDED A FUCKING WEEK AGO I WASNT LEADING YOU ON FOR TEO MONTJS JUST TO BE LIKE HAHA JK

[curawrites]

Not So Casual Distraction

Xaden Rirorson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: slight Iron Flame spoilers, smut, unprotected sex, cream pie, fingering, p in v sex, cursing, a slightly toxic relationship between Xaden and Violet.

Note: Heyyyyyyyyy… it’s been a year- but I’m back with new inspiration! I’m currently reading Onyx Storm and I miss the Iron Flame days 😭💚 Part two

Being stationed at Samara wasn’t as smooth going as Xaden had hoped.

He knew that he and Garrick would have to work from the ground up again, gain their comrade’s trust in them, make them see past their rebellion relics.. but fuck was it frustrating.

He hated being looked down upon as just a meager new lieutenant. At Basigath he had worked so hard to climb the ranks and gain respect as a wing leader.

It didn’t help that his relationship with Violet was going to shit. He couldn’t help keeping secrets, he has big responsibilities leading a revolution, knowledge and intelligence of major importance that couldn’t be trusted in the hands of someone still at Basigath.

They hadn’t even been together for a that long for Dunne’s sake, why the fuck would he divulge all his secrets and traumatic memories to her. She’d only get mad at him again for keeping such things from her and the cycle would just continue.

The mating bond just made things harder, Xaden was tied to her for the rest of his life whether he liked it or not, and he had to see her at least every weekend so their dragons could fuck and leave them to deal with simmering sexual tension that would not be healthy to act on.

All this pent up frustration was wearing on him. He became more brutal and harsh in sparring and he became extremely reckless and impulsive on patrols, resulting in him frequently injuring himself.

Xaden just needed an outlit to pour his frustrations into, but drowning himself in sparring and training wasn’t working like it usually did. He needed something more.

That something being you, apparently.

When he arrived at Samara he recognized you almost immediately. You had been his wing leader during his first year at Basigath, and one of his first hook ups at the college. It felt strange seeing you again, a good sort of strange. You’ve changed in the years since Xaden had last seen you, you were more mature, and even more gorgeous than he remembered, and still ever so tempting like you were three years ago.

Xaden stayed away from you for the most part. The feelings that were brought on from seeing you again were uncomfortable and Xaden didn’t feel like unpacking them, already having enough shit to deal with. He wanted to try to fix things with Violet anyways.

But it seemed Loial had other plans for him..

Xaden angrily dismounted Sgaeyl. Rage radiating off of him in waves. Sgaeyl wasnt very pleased with him. He had left Basigath mid Saturday after arriving Friday. Xaden couldn’t care less that he cut the visit short, Violet would be here next weekend anyway and she could stay here as much as she liked.

Fucking Violet Sorrengail.

All Xaden had wanted to do was have a quiet weekend with her after the fucking week he’s had. But no they needed to argue about the same thing they always did. He’d had enough by noon and decided to fuck right back off to Samara.

Xaden angrily entered the base, he really needed a shower and a meal.

Once bathed, he walked into the lieutenant’s common space, a scowl etched on his face.

“You’re back early.” You commented from the arm chair you were sat on.

Xaden tensed, a bit startled, “Mhm.” He hummed dismissively.

“I’m taking your visit didn’t go so well then, sorry about that.” You glanced up from your book to look at him. Noticing his tenseness you ended it there, deciding to not pry any further.

Xaden didn’t reply, focusing on making himself something to eat.

He sat in the middle of the couch and ate. No one spoke for a long while, the silence stretching comfortably.

After a while you set your book to the side and got up, only to return with two flasks.

“Here. You look like you need a drink.” You hand him one of the metallic flasks.

He takes it hesitantly, “Thanks, had a rough week.” He grunted as he took a sip.

“Tell me about it.” You scoff knowingly as you sat back down, taking a swig out of your own flask.

The more you chatted and caught up, the more you drank, finishing the flasks and each having two cups of ale on top.

The alcohol seemed to have loosened Xaden up more than he had intended and he soon found himself slamming you against the door to your barracks.

His hands roamed the expanse of your body as he made out with you. Grasping at the plumpness of your ass and breasts, he just couldn’t get enough of your right now.

You kissed him with equal fervour, nipping at his lips earning slap to your ass. Your hands tangled themself in the curls of his hair as you held onto him tightly.

Xaden pulled away from your lips to attack your neck. Sucking and nipping marks all over the untouched flesh.

“Fuck Xay..~” you panted as his hands wandered into your shorts, rubbing tight circles on your clit.

He kissed you again, slipping two fingers into your sopping pussy.

“Oh gods..~ don’t stop!~” you moaned as his fingers prodded at your sweet spot.

“Fuck..~” he groaned, “Taking my fingers so fucking well~” he praised enjoying the squelching noises your pussy made.

Your eyes rolled back and your cheeks flushed even more as your climax hit you in waves.

“Such a good fucking girl~” Xaden smirked to himself. “Making me so fucking hard~” he groaned as you began palming his erection.

“Made me feel so good Xay~” you say breathily, looking up at him with sultry half lidded eyes.

“Fuck- I need you now.~” he ripped your shorts down your legs and hastily pulled your tang top over your head.

He threw you onto your bed before hastily taking off his shirt and pants.

“Get on your fucking hands knees~” he growled, crawling onto your bed.

Gods that made you pussy flutter in anticipation.

You obliged his request happily, settling on your hands and knees with your back slightly arched.

Xaden’s mouth watered at the sight. Your pretty wet pussy spread perfectly and aching for his cock. He smacked your ass before forcing you to arch further, until your breasts touched the mattress

“Please Xaden just fuck me already~” you whined wiggling your hips while looking back at him over your shoulder.

Something in him just snapped and he roughly grabbed your hips and sheathed himself inside you.

“Oh my.. fuck you feel so fucking good~” he muttered as he began thrusting.

It wasn’t long before Xaden lost himself in your tight slick walls. All of his pent up stress, and anger was leaving his body as he pounded into you. Pinning your hands by your head and sucking hickeys all over your neck and back.

Your barrack was filled with the sound of skin slapping skin, your moans and Xaden’s grunts of pleasure.

“Oh my gods Xay!~ I’m cumming!~” you gasp out before your orgasm rocks your entire being.

Your vision blanked and all you could see were stars.

“Shit- your so.. fucking tight~” he grunted, your walls were practically milking him for everything he had.

“Please cum in me..~” you whine weakly, “wanna feel you..~” you don’t even finish your thought as Xaden was pushed over the edge.

“Ahh..~” he moaned quietly as he spilt inside of you.

For a while all that could be heard were both of your heavy breathing.

Eventually Xaden pulled out and silently watched his cum spill out of your spent pussy.

He got out of your bed and found a rag to clean you up with.

“Thanks..” you muttered tiredly, cheeks still flushed from the alcohol and the sex.

“S’no problem..” he shrugged as he threw the rag into your laundry.

Xaden flopped next to you on your bed and silently stared at you. His mind was reeling, did he just really do that with you, again? Why did it have to feel so good? Why was he still here in your bed?

Once you finally drifted off, he tore his gaze away and stared at the ceiling.

“It seems you’ve had a good evening..” Sgaeyl said bitterly through their bond.

“Shut it..” Xaden ran his hands over his face, he needed to pull himself together.

“I hope you know that the next time you see Tairn’s rider, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do..” Sgaeyl tutted “Your shield’s weren’t exactly the stablest tonight.”

Great. Just his fucking luck..

[sheepispink]

hi bb, this is incredibly self-indulgent, but I have a very big idea for ur Ghost and his Sergeant. I'm terrified of the ocean so ofc I need her to be nervous over this mission that's by the coast. she's never said anything bc it's never been necessary, but she can't hide her nervousness from Ghost tho he doesn't pressure her to say anything for now. so when they're done w the mission, they all decide they'll take the next day off, and it's a given they'll go to the beach, right. I need her to be nervous but she's like, chill, staying away from the ocean, until the guys lift her up and she's like rolling her eyes until she realizes they're taking her to the ocean w quick steps, and suddenly she's SCREAMING bloody murder, and Ghost gets his head out of his ass (bc he was buying idk ice cream or a drink idk), and runs over when the guys set her down on the sand, trembling and tearing up, unable to stop herself from being weak and AHHHHHH ur writing would make this cuddle session so fucking GOOD

UR MIND IS LITERALLY AMAZING BECAUSE THIS?? THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA

anyway, as promised, plenty of fluff, plenty of comfort, very yummy story (i hope)

enjoy!!!!!

WC: 4.1k… (😧)

————-

Missions tended to blend into each other when a soldier got too comfortable—an autopilot you were happy to live with for a long time. Though, that was before you were promoted to a Sergeant which still felt like yesterday no matter how long ago it had been. You had soon learned that no day would ever be the same, especially after you were properly taken into Lieutenant Ghost’s unit, rather than the occasional team-ups. It was a big change that’s for sure; it’s not the difficulty, but rather having to prove your worth to a whole new unit. At least your old unit you were pretty much leading; this was like starting from the bottom again, in a way. It shouldn’t prove to be too hard, considering your reputation was holding up nicely.

However, you did have a small weakness; everyone did though this was one that you definitely didn’t want anyone else to be aware of any time soon. So, when the news of another mission came around, you were positive it was something you could handle. Until the news came that you’d travel by ship, having to stay on it for at least two weeks. It’s not even like you had time to process the news, bundled into a truck as you travelled down to the coast. You’d be travelling far, tracking down some bombs that are being transported on a number of different cargo ships travelling across the Atlantic ocean. More importantly was figuring out if they were actually active bombs or rather just sitting ducks–either way, it was something that needed to be dealt with immediately. Considering you had completed a course in demolitions, of course you were immediately necessary for this, so there wasnt even any backing out now. Thankfully, there was a chance you wouldn’t even have to cross over the murky waters, safe on the ship instead. Still, there was no guarantee that nothing couldn’t go wrong.

Ghost wasn’t stupid, he could clearly see just how hunched your shoulders were in every conversation, no matter where you were around the ship. He sees your small flinches everytime a small wave slightly shifts the floor beneath your feet, or the larger ones that spray onto the deck whilst you’re surveying the surroundings. Not even you can hide the quick darts of your eyes each time a small rumble of thunder sounds out overhead nor the teeth marks in your lips when you look out the window for a little too long. One thing that he couldn't possibly ignore, was the widening of your eyes and the anxious tap of your foot as you slowly filed out of the briefing the day before you departed. The only question was to confront you or not. After all, everyone has a weakness and yours may not even be that serious to compromise the mission. It seemed on the same level as getting mad at someone for being woken from a bad dream, or at least he didn't want to embarrass you by possibly blowing it out of proportion.

He was right for the most part, and you had completed the mission as expected– even if your heart was practically pumping out of your chest when you had to cross to the cargo ship and assess the crates for any trace of explosives. Since it was growing closer to summer, he figures the unit may as well stop over by the beach that’s only a one hour drive from the port. Your fellow teammates are excited of course, and so are you, happy to be on ground again even if the ocean will be metres away; anything was better than hovering above it though. As soon as you arrive, a few of the guys drag you along to a local shop, all of you filtering through the aisles to find the best floaties and water guns available.

Ghost leans against the car with his arms crossed over his chest, tapping his foot like a father with his rowdy kids. So since you all act like children, he counts down from ten, watching you and the others scurry and scramble into the seats of the cars. It’s almost laughable at how you all look, pool noodles around two soldier’s waists, water guns gripped in one of the other’s hands and wait– who put a bucket and spade in the boot?

Free for all, except this isn’t the battlefield, no it’s a damn beach and once your feet touch the warm sand, all of you are dispersing into different directions. Ghost looks around, trying to figure out where everyone went in the five seconds he turned to grab the cooler bag, only to see you lounging on a sunbed. He has to admit, he was curious as to how you’d navigate a situation like this with your clear fear. But now he can only scold himself as he slowly approaches you, your head turning before you beckon him over with a wide grin. You’re a trained soldier, you’ll be perfectly fine.. right?

He drops his duffel bag down beside you, getting comfortable on the sunbed as the others run along the beach like bumbling fools. Accidentally he must’ve let out a scoff because you laugh, turning to look at him as his brows unintentionally furrow. “What? They’re runnin’ around like they’re six.” He says gruffly, trying to get comfortable on the small and flimsy sunbed but failing when he realises both his legs barely fit.

“You’re just boring, skullface.” You know he hates that stupid nickname, but it just motivates you to use it all the more. Still, his eyes are more focused on the nervous tap of your fingers against your leg, your jaw slightly clenched as you look out at the soldiers running around near the water.

“Oh? I don't see you making sandcastles.. or splashin’ around either.” He watches you freeze at his last words, his eyebrows slighlty beginning to furrow in deep concern. You were so far from the water, practically at the top of the beach but you still looked agitated, like you were just managing to glue it all together.

”Hmph, I'm relaxing before I beat all of you in snooker tonight.” He highly doubts that’s even slightly possible, but you’re quite adamant on the former as you stretch out and get ready for your midday nap. Of course, how could he forget your daily necessity? Regardless of that, he sticks firmly by your side, satisfied that you werent so nervous that you wouldn't be able to nap peacefully— or maybe that was because he’d scare off anyone in a 5 mile radius just with that mask alone. He settles on watching the waves lap until he gets bored enough to aimlessly scroll on his phone, unable to find anything to captivate his attention long enough. Damnit, you were rubbing off on him. After stealing your book for a bit, the heat of the sun finally gets on his nerves and he heads towards the small bar, looking for a cool drink. Just before he leaves though, he adjusts the umbrella above where you lay, a little worried that you’d overheat in your sleep but your head feels fairly cool against his hands, for now at least.

Footsteps, they’re soft in your ears muffled by rocks that are kicked. There’s small snickers too, coming from different directions and no matter where you try and run to chase one, they always appear right behind you again.

Splashing, it’s colder now, a breeze washing over your body and making you shiver.

Strain, your arms feel tight, as do your legs, like you’re being stretched like those stupid toys that were always advertised but you never actually got.

“Is she up yet?” A voice says, so close yet so far.

“Nah, still out.” Accompanied by laughter.

A splash of water on your face has you attempting to sit up only to fail immediately, your wrists locked in a tight hold, ankles kicking restlessly. “What? Who—?” Your head turns frantically, confused and instinctively wanting nothing more but to be free.

“Chill out, we’re just giving you a little diving lesson.” The soldier who you’d giggle with on patrol holds your legs, laughing at your shocked face. As you look around, you realise the fellow soldiers you’ve shared meals with for two weeks have kidnapped you from your napping spot, carrying you somewhere.

It’s fine, they’re your friends, they wont hurt you.

“Hey! I was sleeping very peacefully y’know.” You huff, playfully though still half awake, rolling your eyes as you slacken your protests.

”Yeah, drooling too.” The one holding your wrists laughs as the one walking alongside them pinches your cheeks. Damnit, they’re so damn annoying all the time arent they? Ghost’s right, they’re like little kids with the way they ran straight into the ocean—

Ocean?

Your head snaps to the side, managing to strain your neck only to see that the one holding your legs has already stepped towards the shore, water now splashing gently onto the sand beneath you. “Hey— wait, where are you taking me?” You’re thrashing around now, panic bubbling in your throat as your nails press into the soldier’s hand, scrambling for them to let go. “Oh come on, just a small splash.”

You hate their laughter, you hate this, you hate having to watch the waves rise over his foot as they carry you in, your heart thumping louder with each second. “Let me go!”

They don't listen— why wont they listen?

The water is up to his ankles, too high for your liking and you’re not scared anymore— you’re fearing the worst. Images flash through your mind, the horrible splashing of their steps louder than the pounding in your head.

You kick, wriggle, squirm, anything and it’s useless— why is it so useless?

Their steps are making droplets splash on you, the water is growing higher, ready to consume and you’re cold, too cold even with the sun burning through you. Cold with soaked cheeks.

Ghost hears the screams first, so high it almost sends him into a frenzy only nightmares have brought him crumbling to. He doesn't think, spilling the can of coke without a second thought as he runs over, sand kicking up with each heavy step of his stupid army boots he wears all the time. The crowd of soldiers are shoved to the side by his hands, carving a path directly to you who now sits in the sand right by the shore, trembling so harshly as you pull your knees to your chest, albeit with great struggle. “Woah, woah, you’re okay— you’re not wet. See? Sand, look you’re on the sand.” But you’re too far gone, your hair falling over your face as you hunch over, hands grasping at nothing but the air. Your face is starting to grow wet from the silent tears,trickling down your cheeks and kissing your legs, the wet feeling making you fear the worst has happened.

“What the hell are you all staring at?” His Lieutenant's voice comes back like it never left, the soldiers standing to attention just as fast and scrambling away before they feel the wrath of the man before them.

You’re trying your best to shovel it all in, all the fears but it’s near impossible, not when you can still hear the splashing, not when you can hear the laughter of the kids down the beach. Not here.

“Up we get, come on.” He places his hand beneath your arms and hoists you up to stand, one hand slipping behind your back to rub up and down, trying to get you to your senses. “You’re all dry, okay? Nothing happened, you’re alright.” He’s trying to keep his voice as calm as he can for you but it’s near impossible when you’re looking like that before him, like a person whose nearly missed death. Dammit, you didnt even look this bad when you were shot in the leg, and that was a pool of blood to say the least.

He leads you away from the shore, bringing you to a small cobbled footpath away from all the cafe’s, loud icecream vans and children screaming about needing to pee. His hand continues to rub slow circles, continuously soothing your trembles as he reminds you to breathe in and out. Only when everyone was out of sight did he pick you up properly, hoisting your legs to wrap around his middle as one hand pushed your face into his shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get you into the car, okay?” Sure he should’ve done that way earlier, clearly by the way your hands were shaking like crazy. But if he knows anything about you, he definitely knows you don't want to make a scene. Being seen as weak is practically the worst thing for you, not that he thought what happened made you weak, but he already knew what you’d be saying if he had swooped you up right then and there in front of everyone.

“Ghost— i..” You begin to sniffle out but he shakes his head, firmly patting your back in confirmation. “Nope. Quiet— don't wanna hear it.” He carries you further down the road, turning into the empty parking lot near a small block of houses. Finally he reaches the car, windows tinted to hide you as he opens the door with one hand, a low groan escaping him before he finally settles you in the backseat. Going around to the boot, he opens it quickly, grabbing a spare towel he brought and rummaging through a bag that was supposed to be for the team’s silly movie night later. Not that he’d participate, but he felt giving them some snacks would be a good mission well done.

Your eyes are locked onto your knees, refusing to look anywhere and your face has dried up, slightly red from how harshly you had rubbed at your eyes. He settles in beside you, about to offer you a drink when you’re clenching the seats, eyes already tearing up once more.

“It’s fine— really, i just- I was just a little shaken, they didn't mean it, I wasn’t properly awake yet and it startled me. ” You ramble between breaths, unable to find an excuse to rebuild your dignity in time but he just lets out a long breath, anger clearly holding back. A soft towel is draped around you, covering your upper half entirely as he folds it over your front.

“You dont need to explain. It’s fine— i dont like the damn beach either.” He mumbles out, not sure how else to express the fury he feels that you had to feel that terrified, more towards himself for leaving you alone when he knew you were uneasy. All he can do for now is place an arm around your shoulders as you continue to quietly sniffle and tremble at the shock and horror you felt in the past ten minutes. You were clearly uncomfortable too, and how badly he wanted to tell you that he didn't care if a colour terrified you, nor a tiny butterfly; he just wanted you, as with the few he really cares about, to be comfortable and happy. Never should someone have to face their fears like that, he knows what that can do to a person. But he can't word it properly, can't express how you’re the strongest he knows and the smartest and every other good adjective in the damn dictionary because you are that. And he refuses for you to believe otherwise just because the majority aren't scared of the same things you are.

Your nose presses into the sleeves of your shirt, eyes scrunched tight as you try to will the tears away. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” It’s stern, too harsh, but he doesn't know what else to do, just wanting to wipe that miserable look on your face. “There’s nothing to apologise for.. Do you need me to leave?” He asks, suddenly wondering if you’d calm down quicker if he just left you alone. Of course you would, who would want this stiff man rubbing their back while crappily convincing them that they’re not drowning and just got a scare from a stupid idiotic prank? He could at least speak a bit more, reassure you that whatever you choose is fine but nothing comes to his mouth. You shake your head thankfully, refusing to let him leave you alone.

“Are you annoyed with me?” Your voice is quiet, so quiet, and he hates that you feel this small. You should be smiling and having fun like everyone else, not tearing up infront of your lieutenant who you just barely felt comfortable around— or well, he thought that was the case.

“Never.” He says gruffly and he’s caught off guard when you hug him tightly, one that has him stuttering to breathe for a moment. Though his shock is quickly broken when your sniffles pick up, quiet sobs hitting his chest head on. He wants to complain, beg you to stop crying because not even he can bear to see you like this. But he knows whilst it pains him, you need to let it out for all the weeks you’ve been terrified for and stayed strong. His arms wrap around you just as tight, his chin resting above your head as he feels his shirt wetten by the second.

“You’re stronger than me.” He murmurs quietly, one hand gently rubbing your shoulder as he just sits there, letting you take whatever ounce of comfort you somehow receive from him. “You could’ve given up long ago but you didn't. How could I be mad at someone who's worked so hard to keep the rest of us safe even when they didnt feel safe themself?”

Oops. He might’ve made you cry a lot harder with that one, and his eyes widening show his momentary panic as he tries to soothe you again, tucking you as close as possible.

You settle a while later, pulling away just enough to wipe your reddened eyes. His eyes are softened as he looks down at you, partially glad he doesn't have to burn alive in the sun anymore and can just spend time with you in this car.. though it’s warming up pretty quickly. You seem to have the same thoughts as him because you look up, unable to stop a little smile crawling onto your lips. The sight is bright, even the tears in your eyes making them sparkle more than usual. “Why’re you looking at me like that?” He asks, hoping you’d keep doing that a little longer.

“You’re sweating like crazy..” You’re half tempted to snicker, but it comes out more like a sniffle and he just lets out a breathless sigh, rolling his eyes as he squashes your cheeks. “I do all this and that’s what you say? You’re a minx, yknow that?”

Well, he supposes it is your day off, and he’s restless as it is anyway. So, he pretends to huff at you, even if you see past him instantly, and slides out the seat beside you to get into the driver's seat. You follow, climbing into the passenger seat and he straps you in before you can even try. He rolls down the windows after he starts driving through the town, letting the summer air refresh you all while he’d occasionally look over every time he got caught in a little traffic. . But you looked like you needed a moment to gather your thoughts and yourself, so he’d give you that, for now at least.

He takes you to the nearest mall, hunting down one of those ice cream shops, but not something basic, no, that’s just boring. “Amorino?” Your voice is muffled by the skull mask he reluctantly let you borrow— but you looked uncomfortable walking around with the tear stains still on your cheeks, so he relented quickly.

“Pick your flavours.” You get your two favourites, picking them both until he urges you to pick another, not that you can decide. “Can't you just pick your favourite for me?” That’s how you end up with a cone in your hand, a pretty flower shaped ice cream right on top with each of your flavours curved into petals. He sips his milkshake, watching as you stare in complete awe as you both walk through the mall. “How— what? This is sick, Ghost!”

“If you keep staring at it, it’ll melt before you even try it.” He watches your eyes go wide, quickly licking up the sides to catch any melting parts before instantly grinning at the overwhelming sweetness. “This is like— top tier!” Though he does end up facepalming when you grip his sleeve tightly, groaning about a brain freeze.

He lets you try out the crappy claw machine games, and then even tries on one Hawaiian shirt all while you’re giggling so hard you almost trip over. He has to hold your wrist after that, but you don't complain, using it as an opportunity to drag him wherever you want, and he follows.

It’s almost seven pm, and he takes you back to the hotel since you and the team planned to get dinner. He still had to have a virtual briefing with Price, so you would be on your own for this one. They’re waiting for you in the lobby, the three culprits from before standing anxiously. “I’ll be in the car, on the phone to Price and the others.” It’s a silent offer, giving you a chance at any time to return to where he is and sit in the back if you need to get away for whatever reason. He’d prefer to be beside you, but at least this gives you a safe way out. “Alright, thanks. I’ll head in now— just make sure you grab something to eat too? Okay?” You give him a smile, before you awkwardly step inside the hotel, approaching the others. Ghost’s hands tense, fists clenching as he watches for any sign of the idiots acting up again. Thankfully, they learnt their lesson and they immediately apologise to you, frowns on all their faces before lighting up when you extend your forgiveness to them. You were scared they’d laugh at you, but Ghost knew that they saw you like a little sister— even if they were absolute idiots sometimes. He decides to leave you after watching you leave the hotel with them, heading for a restaurant down the street as you link arms with a female soldier you know, grinning.

It’s late when he hears a soft rap at the hotel room door, confused at who could possibly knock at this hour. “It’s me, Lt.” Werent you supposed to be watching movies with the others?

“Come in.”

You open the door with the keycard he gave you earlier, dressed in your pajamas and with a bowl of popcorn in your hand. Quietly you walk over to where he lays on the bed, settling on the other side as you place the bowl between the two of you. This is how it goes for the next twenty minutes or so, you scrolling through your phone and watching stupid videos as you nibble on the popcorn all while he continues to read his book, occasionally grabbing a piece of popcorn just to keep you happy. It only ends when he catches you yawning from the corner of his eye, one, twice and thrice. “You should get some rest. You’ve had a long day.” He hums, flicking to the next page as he continues to read but the words aren't really going to his head in the slightest, his mind fixated on you.

“Hm.. okay.” You sigh, before placing your phone onto the bedside table and tucking yourself beneath his blankets, now watching him from your position smushed against his pillow.

“You have your own bed, Sergeant.” He states, raising a brow but he’s particularly careful not to lower nor raise his voice, keeping it central as he looks at you and closes his book.

“Hey, you said I was welcome if it was an emergency.”

He did say that, perhaps a long, long time ago when you first came bundling into his life before he even knew you that well. Besides, it’s not like he planned to actually kick you out. So for now he just lets out an empty scoff, goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth before turning the lights off by the switch. The room is shrouded by darkness and you look around, wondering where he went, when two arms wrap around your front, bringing you forward against his chest. “Don’t make me regret this.” He says gruffly, but you know he doesn't care all that much, and he knows that your playful facade is trying to hide the trembles that still linger in your hands when you hear the ocean lap outside your room’s window. Tonight, he’s holding you tight and never letting you go; he’d be found dead before he ever lets anything snatch you, whether that be the ocean, someone, or even fear itself.

———

COD masterlist

[payphonex]

Well, this is the first time I've written in almost 3 years. I'm not even sure what to say, honestly. I feel like my entire life has been taken from me. I feel like I've forgotten how to write.

Am i supposed to be angry? in love? sad?

lost?

Im lost. I dont know who I am anymore. I gave up everything for this toxic relationship. I stopped going to bars, seeing my friends. i stopped talking to anybody especially over text because everything would be read. I stopped taking phone calls unless i was home alone, which was rare. I learned to shut up, not talk about my emotions because it would be such a big fight; i wasnt paying attention to how she felt when i was upset. Even now, as im writing this i am terrified she'll see it.

She'll say something, she always does. She'll disapprove and ill be in trouble.

again.

We broke up, about 3 weeks ago. I moved to Tennessee. Im finally with my dad. Honestly, the only reason i didnt stay in town was because i finally had the courage to block my mom.

Maybe the universe was telling me it was time to go.

I finally listened.

I dont know how to feel anymore. What im supposed to feel, ya know? In some aspects i feel numb. Im alone out here, truly alone. I guess the good thing about that is i cant get hooked on cocaine again.

I crave it all the fucking time. Being sober for 2 years really doesnt matter when i still smell it laying in bed.

I guess i can thank my sobriety on my now ex, we did get sober together. I cant thank her enough for that.

You know, its weird being back on here. I feel like i could throw up just downloading the app. My old account was deleted, my ex swears it wasnt her but im sure ill never know.

I found you again, i re-read some of things you had written. I really have been looking through rose coldered glasses when it came to you. The pain of losing you in my life was so fucking real for months.

atleast until i realized you truly threw me under the bus. like i was just some freak obsessed with you. I loved you, you were my family.

we were 'inseperable'. Remember? you said that.

"I understand that it'll never be us, part of me knew that it never would be, but i decided to let you fall anyway. make me think it was wrong."

You remember that? you wrote that. I can finally let you know,

it.

was.

wrong.

Because youre so stuck in my fucking head that it is hard to breathe. People still tell me about you, I could never truly get away from you.

I cant forget those nights.

I never could wipe away the fucking smell of lavender and vanilla

Ive never been good at cleaning windows either. Im sure your finger prints are still covering the view i could have had.

You've always been such a good liar. Keeping my at your hip for a backup plan just long enough to leave me drowning again.

The last time i heard your voice was the night my ex called you. I was plastered, black out drunk. I found out my tumblr was deleted that night.

I hit her. Busted her lip because i couldnt let go of you. So she called you. Of course you didnt answer, but the next morning you called me off of a friends phone. She forced me to answer the call.

You sounded like you fucking hated me. Why?

because you lead me on? because you got caught up in the consequences of YOUR actions?

you responded to me! when i wrote about you. You always replied. always.

It was never "leave me alone" or "we need to stop this"

You played me. you fucking used me.

you.

you fucking hurt me.

and i shouldve known better. but youre angry at me? annoyed with me?

it was easy for you to drop me, wasnt it?

I liked one of your posts. im sure youre gonna block me now. i bet you didnt even read this.

im letting you go. i guess this is my goodbye. im moving on and it feels good to finally express myself again. dont worry, my tumblrs always been my own private thing, noone you know will see this, incase youre embarrassed.

[samadiw]

Knickers - Part 06 - Knickerless 💦💣😘

A massive thank you to everyone who read this mini series, much love ❤

A very special thank you to @scdramione for reading through the chapters 🤗🤗

.

Party Time.

T : "Looking sharp, Drake."

Draco raises a questioning brow.

D : "Was there ever a doubt?"

Theo frowns and shakes his head.

T : "I pity Granger for having to put up with your big fat head."

Draco shoves Theo, the tall man topples over.

D : "Fuck off, Nott, your lucky Lovegood thinks you have a sense of humour."

Theo gets to his feet and defends himself.

T : "I am hilarious."

Blaise rolls his eyes.

B : "In your dreams."

Theo turns to Draco and instructs.

T : "Give Granger the box of chocolates and rose."

Draco smiles in gratitude.

D : "Thanks, mate."

Theo rolls his eyes

T : "Yeah, whatever."

Both men laugh.

B : "Blimey, you really are changing. I've never seen you give anyone anything on Valentine's."

Draco winks.

D : "No time like the present to change old habits."

Theo clicks his fingers and quips.

T : "You're so fucking whipped."

Draco grabs the box and rose and looks at his friends.

D : "Fuck off, is this umm...alright?"

Theo smiles warmly.

T : "Look Blaise, our boy is growing up."

Blaise puts his arm around Theo and smirks at Draco.

D : "Yeah, mate, it's fine."

Hermione twirls in front of the mirror and blows herself a kiss.

She's happy with her choice of dress

It's a blue halter that hugs her curves and rests an inch above her knees.

It was daring and sexy but appropriate.

It requires no bra, the back full open, she pins her hair up into an elegant chignon bun and lets a few wild curls adorn her face.

There is a loud knock on the main door.

Hermione glances at the clock, Malfoy was certainly punctual.

Hermione slipped into the dangerously high heels and prayed to Merlin.

The last thing she wanted to do was fall flat on her arse.

She opens the door and stares at the tall man standing outside nervously, he looks paler than usual.

Draco straightens in what Hermione can only describe as a tailored crisp black suit and tie to match that hugs his body like a glove.

He smiles sheepishly and hands her a large single red rose and expensive box of chocolates.

D : "I hear it's the norm to give these."

Hermione continues staring at the imposing man before her and mumbles.

H : "Thank you, these are lovely."

Draco lets his eyes rove over Hermione.

He compliments without hesitation.

D : "You look....beautiful."

Good manners kick in and Hermione finally finds her voice.

H : "So do you."

Draco laughs.

D: "Ah, I would prefer devilishly handsome but yeah, thanks."

Hermione holds the door open for him to enter.

H : "I'm so sorry, please come in."

Draco steps into the living space and does a quick look around.

D : "Nice place."

Hermione places the box of chocolates and exquisite rose on the table and closes the gap between them.

Draco pulls her close and kisses her fervently.

Fuck, she looks and smells absolutely mind altering.

Draco rasps, his voice forceful and demanding.

D : "What colour are your knickers, Granger?"

Hermione bites Draco's bottom lip.

H : "What makes you think I'm wearing any?"

Holy fuck, blood rushes South and his cock springs to life.

Hermione makes a split second decision.

She takes Draco's hand and leads him into her room.

Draco swallows hard.

Was it go time?

Her room is decorated typically, a shelf full of books take up the wall space to the left, a study table and white cupboard take up the space to the right, a large Gryffindor banner hangs above the bed.

Ah, the bed.

Draco eyes it critically and decides its sturdy enough to withstand his pending actions.

He massages the bridge of his nose.

D : "Umm, as much as I'm going to regret saying the next fews words, but we don't have time to get sidetracked."

Hermione slips off her heels and glances over her bare shoulder.

H : "Fuck the party, Malfoy, I much rather have you."

Draco grins as Hermione releases the clasp that holds her dress together, it falls to the floor and she delicately steps out of it.

She's completely naked and standing before him. It prompts him to act.

Draco tosses his jacket onto the sofa in the corner and works on undoing the buttons on his shirt while closing the gap between them.

Draco pulls Hermione to him roughly and claims her lips hungrily.

D : "You taste sinfully sweet."

Hermione groans.

She pushes his shirt off his firm body and gently brushes her fingertips along his body, up his neck and into his hair.

Grabbing a fistful, she pulls on it.

Fuck...

Draco deepens the kiss, running his insistent tongue across her bottom lip, Hermione moans into his mouth.

Merlin, how he loves the sounds she makes.

It was her tongue that slips into his mouth first and pushes against his, with utter desperation they clung onto each other to satisfy their craving for each other's bodies.

He could feel her nervous rapid heartbeats as he moves his fingers to cup her face, he kisses her deeply, savouring the taste of peppermint.

The small fingers in his hair drop to caress his neck. Tearing himself away from her soft lips, his lips trail a path of fire along her neck.

Draco takes his time to taste Hermione, he sucks on her delicate flesh tantalizingly slowly.

It's no secret that he wanted to sleep with her since first seeing her knickers weeks ago but he was not about to rush it.

Hermione's fingers tremble, as she slowly traces them over Draco's toned body, his muscles rippling in response to her touch.

His body is firm and fit, she supposed it was because of his Quidditch training.

Draco trails kisses down Hermione's sensual body and takes a pebbled rosy nipple in his mouth.

Hermione throws her head back, pushing herself further into Draco and his delicious mouth.

He twirls his tongue around a nipple, feeling the hardened bud against his insistent tongue, before taking it fully in his mouth and sucking on it. Bolts of pleasured electricity shoot through Hermione and her hold on Draco tightens.

Running his tongue back up to her neck, he bites down on her ear lobe and sinks his teeth into her collarbone.

She urges, encourages and surrenders to him completely, it feels good to relinquish control.

Placing firm hands on the cheeks of her arse, Draco lifts Hermione, she wraps her legs around him tightly and holds onto his broad shoulders.

She feels his impressive erection press into her thigh. Draco carries Hermione to the bed and lays her down amidst simple cotton sheets.

The wanting, the need, the fucking tension, he felt since seeing her bloody knickers, grabs him by his very centre and pulls him to her.

It consumes him whole and there is no going back.

Draco growls into Hermione's ear.

D : "Are you sure?"

Hermione replies breathlessly, running her fingers down his back.

H "Yes, very."

Draco kisses her neck, savouring the sweetness so ardently offered. Her skin awakens to his touch, as he places airy kisses down her flat stomach.

Draco gently sucks on the side of her supple waist, leaving his mark. Hermione gasps, her toes curl into the bedding.

He feels her heat the closer he gets to her core.

His breathing hitches and Draco swallows hard as he sees the glistening wetness that he tongued a week ago in the prefects bathroom.

He can hardly resist, Draco runs his tongue slowly down her slit. Hermione's fingers tighten in his hair.

She watches him, he stares back without breaking eye contact.

His gaze shifts, as he moves his tongue expertly inside her pink folds, licking the delicate flesh and swirling his tongue around before sucking on her swollen bud.

Hermione cries out in pleasure but it's short lived, Draco withdraws his tongue and she lets out a pleading whimper.

H : "No, so close..."

Draco smiles against her smooth thigh. He runs his lips along the smooth heated skin of her inner thigh, placing airy kisses that make the skin under tingle and pulsate.

Turning his attention to the other, he relentlessly makes sure no area of her body went untouched.

He inserts a finger into her wetness, she does not expect that.

Her pussy clamps down on his digits and he starts to finger fuck her hard.

Fuck, she was dripping.

Hermione moans aloud at the intrusion but welcomes his fingers working inside of her, one finger becomes two as Draco continues his assault on her cunt.

His erection was getting unbearable, it strains against his trousers, Draco reluctantly gets to his feet.

Keeping his eyes fixed on Hermione, he sucks his fingers clean of her juices, pushes down his trousers and towers over her.

His cock stands at full mast eagerly awaiting it's reward.

A sudden jolt of excitement tears through him.

Hermione moves her arm above her head and gazes at Draco in anticipation.

Her eyes rove over him, they take in his arm muscles, the toned bodyline and his manhood. She spreads her thighs to make room for him.

Draco lowers himself between Hermione's legs and allows her to adjust to his weight.

His lips claim hers once again and her fingers draw patterns on his back and squeeze his firm arse cheeks.

Draco moves his head up to hers and locks eyes with her.

He grabs hold of his throbbing erection and rubs it against her wet entrance.

D : "Does that feel good, darling?"

H : "It feels so good."

Hermione mewls in want and moves her hips in anticipation.

Placing his throbbing erection at her core, Draco pushes in hard.

He wants to see her face when she took him in, he wants to see the intensity and by Merlin, she did not disappoint.

The pleasure was instantaneous, it rips through them, but she remains silent and he panics.

Fuck, did he do something wrong? Is she in pain?

He was used to praise, others were always quick to moan and compliment the second his cock entered their lady garden.

"You feel so good."

"So big, I love how you fill me up."

"I've wanted this for so long."

"Baby, fuck me harder."

But Granger remained silent and unresponsive.

It wasnt a lie that she felt beyond amazing, her cunt closed tightly around his cock and it felt so bloody good.

Draco almost lifts his head to look into Hermione's face when he feels her breath ghost the delicate skin of his ear.

H : "Draco....."

His name, she whispers it almost reverently and he needs nothing else, it meant more than every praise he had ever received.

He groans aloud, completely lost within her.

D : "Fuck Granger, you're so tight."

Hermione can hardly contain herself, she moans loudly, and her fingers dig into his back holding him close.

Draco moves with purpose, building up a beautiful rhythm as every painful inch of him is now buried deep within her.

He quickens the pace and pounds into her relentlessly. He loves how she thrusts into him and matches his movements.

Bending to take a rosy nipple in his mouth, Draco increases the speed while sucking on her aroused little nub.

Oh, she was close, very close. She was squirming at an alarming rate under him.

Her body was so receptive to his touch.

They were bathed in sweat and it dripped down his back and onto her body.

Draco holds Hermione close and thrusts into her mercilessly. The raw sound of flesh hitting flesh, echoes through the confinements of her small bedroom.

Draco was losing control fast, his desire accumulates, ready to spurt forth.

Fuck, she felt glorious.

Hermione whispers urgently.

H : "I'm going to come."

Her hold on him tightens, sharp painted nails dig into his arm and shoulder.

With a loud moan, she falls back against the pillow and her climax tears through her.

H : "Fuck..ahh...oh God, you feel...so damn right."

It has been so long since she experienced anything like this.

Her slick wetness drowns his cock and he slips but he's so hard it hardly matters.

Draco summons his wand and quickly casts a contraceptive charm over Hermione, the small golden orb disappears into her skin.

With one final, hard push, he sheaths his penis deep in her love canal and comes undone.

His release cripples him, and he smothers a deep growl into her mouth.

D : "I will never tire of fucking you, Hermione."

She holds him close to her body, never once letting go, her fingers trails up his back and into his hair.

He spills into her until he is completely and utterly spent. Completely exhausted, he collapses on top of her.

Draco slowly opens his eyes to meet Hermione's fiery brown orbs staring at him full of fire and passion.

Pieces of rogue hair fall onto her face, he brushes away the wild strands to look at her. Reluctantly, he withdraws and moves to the side, she moves closer to him nuzzling into his neck.

Her voice a whisper.

H : "That was..."

His chest heaving, he breathlessly finishes her sentence.

D : "Yeah, I can't find the right words either."

Draco holds on tightly and rasps.

D : "We aren't done, Granger."

Hermione grins mischievously and straddles the gorgeous wizard in her bed.

After he's taken her in every way possible, they cuddle and stare at the ceiling.

Her voice is hoarse from screaming his name, she traces the pinkish healed outline of his sectumsempra scar with the tip of her forefinger.

D : "I guess, I earned the right to fuck the great Miss Hermione Granger."

Hermione giggles

H : "It was the box of chocolates that did it."

Draco let's out a hearty chuckle.

D : "Remind me to thank Theo."

He looks at the large clock and turns to face the naked witch next to him.

D : "Do you think it's too late to head down?"

Hermione shakes her head.

H : "The party isn't over, I'm starving."

Draco pushes himself off the bed, reaches for his trousers and steps into them

Well, guess the deed was done.

Hermione stretches her deliciously sore muscles and gets up.

Draco clears his throat nervously.

D : "Granger, are you busy this weekend?"

Hermione looks around for her discarded dress and mutters.

H : "Not really."

Draco comes closer, cups Hermiones face and stares into her eyes.

D : "Let me take you out, we can go to Hogsmeade."

Hermione gasps mockingly.

H : "Do my ears deceive me? Did The Prince of Slytherin, arrogant pureblood who wished I died, just ask me out?"

Draco fists Hermione's hair and gives it a rough tug.

D : "I'm not that same person, Granger."

Hermione puts her arms around Draco's neck and kisses him passionately.

H : "I know, darling."

He returns her enthusiasm.

D : "How about we give this boyfriend, girlfriend thing a go? Would you be open to that?"

Hermione smiles lovingly.

H : "Yes, you prat, I'd be very open to that."

Draco kisses her knuckles.

D : "Good, that's settled then."

Hermione smirks.

H : "Took you long enough."

Draco sighs.

D : "I'm sorry, love, I'm not all that great with feelings and stuff."

Hermione cups Draco's chin and kisses him.

H : "I know your damaged."

D : "But you still want me."

H : "Go figure, maybe I'm just after a good shag."

Draco kisses the tip of Hermione's nose

D : "It was a bloody fantastic shag."

Draco smacks Hermione's arse and she squeals.

D : "Get ready before I take you to bed again."

The sheets are soiled with their love making.

H : "How can you possibly have the energy?"

Draco shrugs and grins devilishly.

D : "What can I say? The Dragon loves you, Granger."

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall

summary:Being trapped in space with tony wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to someone except when your running out of food, and water, and happen to be dating the guy who killed his parents...ok maybe it is the worst thing to happen.

Inspired by Into the blue

pairing: tony stark x reader x bucky

warning:starvation,depression,angst, hopeless feeling,cheating,implied smut

note: Don't expect the other chapters to be as long pfft Just this being the first one i wanted to get the entire plot out.

Wonderwall masterlist

Being trapped in space with tony wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to someone except when your running out of food, and water, and happen to be dating the guy who killed his parents...ok maybe it is the worst thing to happen.

This had all started almost a month ago when they were on a mission that meant going off of earth. To find the leader of the aliens that invaded new york. Who gave loki his army. It went as well as you'd expect leading to dead end after dead end. eventually you and tony decided it was time to return back to earth it was smooth sailing until something happened and the ship completely shut down and simply became a vessel floating. Tony tried to figure out what was wrong but seeing no damage and his suit running out of power left him having to go back to the ship and figure out what to do.

Suspecting that they couldn't be out there for more than 2 weeks they rationed the food and water between the two of them for that time. Slowly as time went on they realized they'd be there longer than expected. Slowly supplies ran out and tony was running out of solutions. y/n’s powers started to fall from her control as she got weaker. This made it hard for tony and y/n to be around one another.

Her powers are to control and manipulate thoughts and feelings. she could also make people see her thoughts. similar to wanda's except she couldn't create thought simply spread things she already knew.. Shes has them sense she was 5 and the older she got the more out of control they got. at 17 fury came to her and took her in. y/n and natasha got very close due to being there at such a young age. When wanda came they became close from similar powers. They showed her how to control her powers and use them for good. This felt similar to how she felt then. out of control whatever thoughts or want she had happened at a simple touch. She felt weak and powerless while also being powerful. Tony was currently in his mini lab trying to figure out how he could fix the suit.

y/n sat in the control room on the floor feeling empty. They were currently having to skip eating some days. This was hurting y/n more than tony and as such she could barely move anymore. sitting on the floor she was trying to get up but failing from tiredness. Tony came out his lab to see her eyes closed and head back. The soft breathing was the only way he knew she was still alive. They both looked like a wreck but y/n looked on the edge of death. “hey” tony said softly sitting next to her. “you shouldn't be here” she replied wearly still keeping her eyes closed and head back. “You won't hurt me. I trust you” tony replys sleepily. “mmm thank you but I can't control it anymore” she says softly. “Then I won't touch you” he says.

y/n finally cracks open her eyes. “How are you feeling?” tony ask. How was she? she wasn't sure herself. She felt sick and tired and her vision kept spinning. She couldn't even peel herself from the floor. she simply shrugged. “here” he says handing her an almost empty bottle of water. 

she shook her head “that's yours” she says pushing it back towards him. “I'm not the one about to shake hands with the grim reaper.” tony says pushing back the bottle. she sighs and grabs the bottle. as soon as the liquid touches her dry lips and chugs the rest of the water. 

“Better?” tony ask with concern. she nods “much” she replies with a satisfied sigh. “Tony... do you think we’ll ever get back home?” she ask finally turning her head and looking at tony. He gulps and looks over at her. Her eyes look broken a look once filled with happiness and hope and what felt like the sun is now a glance of tiredness not just as in needing sleep but tired of all of this mess. The look of someone broken and hopeless.

“no” is all he can say. She would know if he lied so why even try. she sighed looking down. “me either.”she says turning to look out the large window. It's all dark outside only light being the stars. For a few days it was such a beautiful view but now it's just a reminder they are floating farther and farther from home.

they sat there just staring out into the emptiness. Tony looked over at her. Her eyes were closed again and her breathing had deepened showing she had fallen asleep. He stood up grabbing a package of food leaving it for her. it was his portion and hers. She needed it more than he did. which is exactly what he wrote on the note he stuck on the package. Even on the verge of death he thought she looked beautiful. The thought threw him off. he shook it off assuming it was the tiredness and being together for so long. she looked very uncomfortable. 

Sitting back down he took off his jacket and laid her down on his lap. He placed his jacket on top of her to keep her warm. He stroked her hair starting to fall asleep himself. his brain starts to get fuzzy with what feels like a dream but not his own. He tried to pull away but felt stuck. The dream was or y/n and tony still on the ship. They were in the lab. They seemed happier. y/n walked over to tony and they kissed. not like it was the first time but like it was just any normal thing. after that tony finally pulled away. It took him a while before figuring out that was y/n’s dream. She had accidently spread her thought into his mind. He felt bad he wasn't intended to see that and she didn't intend for him to. 

Tony was left confused. Why would that be her dream? Why wouldn't she dream of being back at home happy with bucky. feeling her move he shoved his thoughts aside. her eyes opened looking up at him she softly smiled “hey” she said. “hey” he replied he wasn't sure on what exactly to say. She sat up and realized tony's jacket was on her. “This is a nice jacket” she said voice still covered in sleep. 

Y/n handed tony back his jacket. she tilts her head and reaches for the package of food. She reads the note and smirks. “Tony today isn't our day for food” she said. “you need to eat today. now. eat.”  tony said with a stern face. she sighed and opened up the container of food and got to eating it. She started to eat fast before tony grabbed her hand. “slowly or your body will shut down.”  he said. she nodded and ate slower. 

once she was done her eyes started to get droopy again. “hey um y/n?” tony said. She turned to him with a face to show she was listening. “your thoughts accidently got pushed into my head while you were asleep...” he said trailing off. she started to feel her heart speed up. She remembered her dream so she knew what he saw. “uh...” was all that came out when she tried to speak.

Tony shook his head “no no i get it we've been together for over a month ok I just uhm ok” tony said in a panic. Never before had tony been at a loss of words. “tony...” she said softly. “We aren't getting home and you and I have gotten closer than ever and I just I don't know...” she said looking down at the floor. She sighed “I just want the world to stop. The pain to stop for the inevitable of this to not seem so fucked!” she screamed feeling all the pain and anger in her rise. All the hurt she felt over all this time. “I need it to stop!” she yelled over and over. Tony grabbed her face. y/n stopped speaking. “Do you want me to stop it?” he asked looking over her face. She wasn't sure. This situation seemed so stuck and to turn it off would be amazing. She wasn't going to back in bucky's arms....ever. To just be touched and held by someone before their inevitable doom would be amazing. So that was it. “yes” she said softly.

With that tonys lips were on hers. It was soft and smooth. His touches and strokes. His lips and mouth were so soft. Everything he did was as if he would break her. This wasn't rough and wild sex this wasn't tony being a playboy. This wasnt love though it wasn't someone making love. This was the pain of two people who saw no way out. Two friends saying goodbye. 

After they laid together. y/n on top of tony as he held her close to him. his hand rubbed up and down her back as she slowly fell asleep. “Thank you” she said softly before falling into a slumber. He smiled at her. He felt his heart do cartwheels at the sight of her asleep, comfortable, and close to him. He knew this feeling and it frustrated him. He shook his head. He took this as simply being the fact that they had been up there for so long and had just slept together. Falling into a slumber he felt the weight of the world fall off her chest.

The next few days were better but y/n felt her body shut down more and more each day. It was halfway through month 2 of being stuck together. Then the ship shook and the door opened. y/n was sat at the control panel trying to stay alive with all her strength. 

The door opened to the ship and 5 people walked in. The last people that tony and y/n ever expected. Steve, natasha, clint, bruce, and the one that caused the most shock. james buchanan barnes.

[brelione]

Rivers (The Best Boys)

Warnings:Car crashes,mentions of sex,blood.

Im sorry in advance.This shit might hurt.

Series Masterlist

Rafe glanced over to you, obviously knowing what this was about.He gulped and nodded, agreeing to go outside to speak to Topper.You tapped your fingers on the table anxiously as they walked outside of the house and slammed the slider door behind them. 

“What do you think thats about?”Kelce asked, setting down his burger.Shit.This was it, Topper was gonna find out what you and Rafe did.It was bad enough that they knew about the kiss but this was even worse.

And it didnt help that you told Topper that you didnt like Rafe like that.Now all you felt was guilt.Guilt for hooking up with Rafe,guilt from even talking to Topper about your problems when you knew that it would probably put stress on him.Now you were screwed,head in your hands.

“You guys did things while we were gone?You kissed her last week, you gave her a hickey tonight.Whats gonna happen next week?Are you gonna get her pregnant?Do you even care about what’s happening in her life?Do you even fucking care about her at all or is she just another one of your toys that you use for sex and then just ditch?Do you not care that we all made a deal?Do you even realize what youve done?”Topper had tried his best not to yell.

Rafe stared at the blonde, eyes wide. “Dont even say that I dont fucking care about her!You’re the one that went along and dated Sarah and wouldnt shut up about it to (Y/N)!I would never-I would fucking never.You dont even know what we did!We didnt even do anything-she was freaking the hell out earlier, punching herself and hitting thins.She probably smacked herself on something before I showed up but no.You didnt even think of that possibility your mind just went straight to me fucking her.Do you know why?Its because you’re jealous.You’ve always been jealous of Kelce and I and we’re fucking tired of it.”Rafe glared, waiting for Topper to throw a punch.

He didn't though,simply staring at Rafe. “You guys didn't do anything?”Topper asked.Rafe nodded, the action barely visible in the dark.This is exactly what Kelce had feared.He was always right about most things.You even accused him of being a prophet once. 

“What time is it?”Topper yawned,sitting up on the couch.You shrugged,reaching for your phone and looking between the tired boys. “What time do you guys think it is?”You asked,turning on your phone and checking for yourself. “Umm....I dunno....like 9.”Rafe shrugged.You looked over to Topper,waiting for his answer. “I think its eight.”He answered,still half asleep. “Im gonna bet its 11:47.”Kelce replied,waiting for you to confirm.You glared at him. “Fuck you,propet.”You grumbled.

“But you still kissed her.You knew what you were doing and you did it right after we all made that deal.Do you just not care anymore?”Topper asked, still angry.Rafe stood there, not knowing what the correct response would be. “Right, alright.Im gonna go home, you guys have fun.”Topper went back in the house,slamming the slider door shut behind him.

Rafe opened the door, following him inside and praying to whatever god that would listen that his friend wouldnt throw a fit.Topper simply grabbed his phone, taking another sip of his soda. “Im going home.I’ll see you tomorrow.”He went to rush past you, making your heart drop.

No hug,no forehead kiss and no explanation.Something was seriously wrong. Even when he was in a bad mood he would still give you a hug and peck your forehead before he left.

“Topper-you didnt finish your food!We didnt finish the movie either!”You exclaimed,making him stop near the door and turn around. “I know, I know.I just think I should go home now, i’ll see you tomorrow.”He opened the door, about to leave when you stopped him again.

 “Text me when you get home!”You shouted to him, seeing him nod quickly before closing the door behind him, getting into his car and driving off.You looked up at Rafe, the boy still standing by the slider door in a silent shock.

 “What happened?”Kelce asked, looking between you and Rafe hoping for an explanation for Topper’s sudden exit.You couldn't say anything, too afraid of what would come out,instead just resting your head in your hands.

Rafe gulped, trying to figure out what to say.He didn't understand why he should have to hold his feelings back because of Topper’s feelings.It wasn't fair to you or him. “Did I miss something?”Kelce asked, still not understanding.

Rafe shrugged,sitting back down next to you at the table,looking at the empty chair that Topper had been sitting in a couple moments ago. “I don't know.Were you guys arguing about something?”You asked Rafe,turning to face him in the chair.He shifted nervously, looking away from you.That little nervous action gave you the exact answer you needed.

 “Alright, lets just sleep it off and enjoy our night.It doesn't have to be ruined because Topper decided to go home,okay?”Kelce asked,eating a chicken nugget.You nodded, feeling uneasy.Topper never did this.He always hugged you before he left, he wouldnt just walk out like that.You created a new note in your phone, typing something and showing it to Rafe. 

Does he know what we did?

He read the message,quickly shaking his head. “Hey,what are you guys doing?”Kelce asked,leaning across the table in attempts of seeing the phone screen.You quickly placed your phone down,looking up at your confused friend. “Nothing,Kelce.Don't worry about it.”You told him,bouncing your leg up and down.

Something was very wrong.You didnt know why you felt so sick all of a sudden or why you were shaking,snapping out of your thoughts when Rafe reached his hand across,his hand on your leg to get it to stop bouncing. “Lets take our food and finish it in the living room while we watch the movie.”Kelce suggested, already standing up.

Topper drove down the street,approaching the bridge that made him so nervous.There were two bridges on the island,the one that separated Figure Eight from The Cut and the one that was built right over a quickly flowing river that lead from one mainroad to another.

It was the quickest way for Topper to get home from your house, it wasnt his favorite way because it always cause him to be anxious but it was quicker than the twenty minute alternative path.The bridge was old and was a popular spot for drug deals and couples that were looking to write their initials somewhere.

It had been built sometime back in the sixties before the river started to rise and the current became strong.He drove slowly,his heart pounding quick.He wished that he had taken the other way but it was far too late to leave now,already half way down the bridge.

He must’ve been shaking more than he realized,everything happening quick as he lost control of the steering wheel,sending himself right through the rusting metal bars of the bridge.

Time slowed down as the car fell from the structure,hitting the cold,quick moving water.He was forced forward as the front of the car hit a large rock,smacking his head off the steering wheel,the seatbelt locking a moment after.The cold water was filling the car quick,the whole vehicle submerged,Topper trapped by his seatbelt,unconscious.

“Topper hasnt texted me.”You frowned,checking you phone for the upteenth time within that half hour.Kelce’s eyebrows furrowed,leaning his head against your shoulder. “Im sure he’s fine,maybe he’s just tired and fell asleep when he got home or something.”That was probably a very logical explanation to a normal person but to you it seemed absolutely ridiculous.

Topper would always text you when he got home.Rafe nodded,agreeing with Kelce. “I wouldnt worry to much,its Topper.What’s the worst thing that could’ve happened?”Rafe asked,none of you paying attention to the movie.

Pennywise killing and manipulating people definitely was not helping with the situation. “Im serious.I think I should call him.”You mumbled,pressing the call icon,holding the phone to your ear.No answer. “He didnt answer, something has to be wrong.”You insisted.

Kelce took out his own phone, deciding that maybe Topper was just ignoring you and Rafe for now.His thoughts were proved wrong when Topper ignored him too. “Yeah, hes probably just asleep.”Kelce put his phone away, pulling you close to him in attempts to calm you down. “Should we go to his house?”You asked,looking over at Rafe.

He decided to just pause the movie, figuring this would be a long conversation. “He’s asleep, (Y/N).If we go there we’ll have to throw rocks at his window so he’ll wake up, its not like any of us can drive there.”He reminded you.You shrugged, feeling Kelce’s hand grip yours,his thumb rubbing circles. “Do you think he’s mad at me?”You asked, hoping that that wasnt the case.

Rafe shook his head, throwing the thought of that out the window. “He has no reason to be.He might be mad at me-he’s definitely mad at me but he’ll be over it by tomorrow.He’ll probably call in the morning, it’ll be fine.”Rafe forced a smile on his face.

You just had to hope he was right, leaning into Kelce,your arms around his torso.You noticed a look of jealousy on Rafe’s face, understanding why but choosing to ignore it.The way Kelce was shaped made him very easy to hug and cuddle with,his sweatshirt smelling like McDonalds and cologne. 

“Lets watch something that’s not scary.”Kelce grabbed the tv remote,exiting out of the movie before either you or Rafe could fight him. “I vote that we watch Victorious.”You looked up at Kelce as he flipped through different options.He looked over to Rafe, silently asking for his opinion.

Rafe gave him a nod,watching as Kelce’s fingers twirled your hair,grazing over your temple and cheek as he pushed it past your shoulder,beginning to braid it.The first episode of Victorious was playing.You were sure by now that you had seen the entirety of the show at least twenty times.

You had listened to the soundtrack even more than that, Kelce being the one who insisted that you listen to it. “What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?”You asked,eyes glued to the tv.Kelce sighed, not wanting to think about the fact that he had to spend the whole day with three of his cousins. 

“Maybe like….10.”Kelce answered, knowing that you probably wouldnt be awake at that time.You looked over to Rafe,waiting for his answer. “I dunno….I should probably be there early so Ward isnt waiting for me at the door.He’s gonna be up my ass all day.”He had seen all the texts from both Ward and Rose on his phone.

They were furious.It didnt really matter though, the worst they would do is yell at him.They couldnt really ground him, he was an adult anyways. “Sorry.”You muttered.Rafe grinned,shaking his head. “Dont worry about it,that party was stupid anyways.I swear to god I thought there was gonna be a fight between Mavis and Eleanor.”He chuckled,earning a smile from Kelce.

 “Imagine that, the two of them just hitting each other with their canes.What would they fight about?Like,how dare you take my pie recipe and claim it as yours you old rat!”Kelce tried to sound old,his voice squeaky like he had a bad cold.

You laughed,messing up the braids Kelce was trying to do in your hair. “Or like, my grandson is prettier than yours and they have the same father!”He continued,glad he could make you laugh when you had been so stressed.Your eyes widened,sitting up. 

“Wait,do their grandsons actually have the same dad or are you fucking with me?”You asked, unable to tell if he was joking or not.Kelce shrugged. “I mean, Im just saying that they look similar.Rafe,stop laughing and listen.Im just saying ive never seen Owen’s dad in the same room with Joshua’s dad.Have you?”He asked, his tone becoming serious.

You thought back to all the parties and events you had been forced to go to,trying to think if you had ever noticed either of the boys.They were two years younger than you and your boys meaning that you had never really had to pay attention to them at all, always caught up trying to beat Topper in virtual cup pong.It was one of the few virtual games that he was actually good at.

“You know,I dont think I have.”You admitted, giving into his theory.Rafe rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “There’s no way, doesnt Joshua’s dad live with him?”He asked, trying his best to remember.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, about to answer when you spoke up. “He could be living a double life!People do that sometimes.”You reminded him.Kelce shrugged, trying to think of more ways to prove his theory.

Topper’s eyes opened again when the water was up to his knees.All he could see was black,his legs feeling numb from the cold,his left arm hurting like it had never hurt before.He cursed,trying to unbuckle his seatbelt but to no avail,the material digging into his neck and the car swaying from the tough current.

He reached for his phone that had ended up in the cupholder, only then noticing the blood coming from his sore arm.He chose to ignore it,dialing 911 as fast as he could,tears streaming down his face.If only he had taken the other way home.

 “911,whats the emergency?”A feminine voice asked,hearing his shallow breaths from the other end of the phone. “My car- I drove into Crescent River-The water is in my car.”His voice sounded like he was drunk,probably because he had bit through the tip of his tongue when he crashed. “What’s your name?”The woman asked, sending everyone to the river to search for the car.

 “Topper-please tell Rafe that im sorry!Tell (Y/N) that I love her!Please-fuck im gonna die.”He began sobbing, knowing that he’d never see you or Rafe or Kelce ever again.He wouldnt be able to apologize for all the dumb shit he had done over the years.

He was going to die because he and Rafe got into an argument about you.He couldve laughed.It was funny how the universe worked. “Topper, you’re gonna be just fine.Help is on the way.Can you break the window?”The dispatch asked.Topper tried to move,everything blurry.The rush of water filling the car was loud,the cold liquid now up to his chest.

 “Somethings wrong with the seatbelt!Im stuck-I cant move.I cant fucking move and the water is so cold and I cant move….god please just tell my friends that im sorry.”He cried, lifting his head up so he was staring at the ceiling of the car,getting as much air as he could before the car would be completely full. 

“Topper, you can tell them yourself.Help is on the way, please stay on the call.”She waited for Topper to say something else, for any sign that he hadnt drowned only to hear the sound of static before the call cut out.

“Are you guys tired yet?”You asked the boys,pulling a blanket up to your chest,still in Kelce’s lap. “No, im not going to bed until this dumbass admits that he’s wrong.”Kelce insisted, annoyed by Rafe. “Im just saying the I never saw JFK’s son when he was younger and Matt Dillon in the same room.”Rafe repeated it for the third time,still not being helpful.

 “Because they werent friends!”You shouted at him, Rafe flicking your forehead. “You cant be friends with yourself!Now listen.13 bloodlines of the illuminati,right?Right.So they discover time travel so JFK’s son assassinates his dad because he couldnt support his passion for acting,right?So then he goes back in time in a different time line to become an actor and change his name to Matt Dillon.Its just like Spiderverse!”Rafe exclaimed, trying to get you guys to believe him.

You shook your head,looking back up to the tv. “Rafe, did you even pay attention to Spiderverse?”You asked, making him finally shut up. “Wait, I want to watch conspiracy theories now.”Kelce mumbled,his fingertips now tapping against your hip.You handed him the remote, letting him put on top ten craziest conspiracy theories.

When the ambulances,cop cars, fire trucks and rescue trucks showed up Topper had been without air for nearly two minutes.The lights of his car were dim but they were luckily able to spot it,sending the divers down.They were in full gear,helmet and radio included.

There were two divers,seeing that the glass had given out and smashed,some of the glass causing small cuts over Toppers body.The were able to get the car door open,cutting off the seatbelt,telling Schoope through the radio that they had gotten him,fire fighters waiting for them to bring his body up,handing him into the arms of the fire captain who then got him onto a stretcher,letting the EMT’s take him.His arm was bent in all sorts of ways,a large cut at his hairline,blood still flowing from his mouth.

“You guys believe in the moon landing, right?”You asked,moving in Kelce’s lap so you could see both him and Rafe.Kelce was hesitant to answer, not knowing what to think after watching that last theory.Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, making you groan.

 “Really?”You asked, checking the time to see that it was already two in the morning. “Hey, im gonna go upstairs to sleep.Will you guys stay in the guest rooms?”You asked,sitting up with the blanket around your shoulders, cold despite the fact that you were wearing Topper’s hoodie.

 “Why?”Kelce asked, letting out a loud,dramatic yawn. “Because the door is right there and so is the window...at least in the other rooms it’ll take longer for them to kill us.”You explained, grabbing your phone off the table.

 “Alright, im setting alarms for 8,8:30,9 and 9:30.”Kelce announced,setting them in his clock app.You sighed,knowing that his alarms would probably wake you up as well. “For why?”You asked,already at the end of the staircase. “So I can make you guys breakfast.”He answered in a tone that made you feel dumb, almost like the answer was so obvious.

 “You dont have to.”You replied, knowing that that wouldnt change anything.He shrugged,not really caring.Rafe turned off the tv,standing up and stretching out his limbs,almost touching the ceiling.You laid down in your bed after saying goodnight to them, your eyes wandering to the closet,to the window,to under the bed.

The fact that somebody had probably been in your room without you even knowing freaked you out.You turned on the flashlight on your phone,keeping it on as you scrolled through tik tok.That was probably an even worse idea since your entire for you page consisted of serial killer facts because of you liking too many Criminal Minds videos.

Eventually you decided to just go and sit in the bathroom,just so you could be anywhere else but your bedroom.You sat on the toilet,checking if Topper had been active on Snapchat,Instagram or Tumblr.Nothing.That was very unlike him even if he had been tired and fallen asleep as soon as he got home.

After twenty minutes of sitting on your toilet you decided that you couldnt go back to your bedroom.It was too creepy.So here you were,tiptoeing across the floor of your own house to one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall,knowing that’s where Rafe was.

You let out a soft sigh,carefully opening the door. “Rafe.”You called out to him softly.You could barely make out his figure on the bed,arms and legs spread out like a starfish.You sighed,deciding not to bother him.

You used your flashlight as you made your way down the hall,opening Kelce’s door. “Hey,Kelce.”You whispered,seeing him move,eventually sitting up and squinting,trying to figure out what was going on.

 “(Y/N)?”He asked,trying to make sure that you were you and not some imposter.You let out a quiet sigh of relief,entering the room and closing the door behind you. “Hi.”You answered,sitting at the end of the bed. “Are you okay?”He asked,turning on his own flashlight,flipping his phone so the screen was against the mattress,the small light making it so he could see you.

 “Yeah,cant sleep in my room.Can I sleep in here?”You asked.He tried to hide how happy he was,nodding. “Yeah,yeah thats fine.”he patted the spot next to him,grinning as you slid under the covers,your arm falling over his torso,head against his back as you closed your eyes.He eventually turned on his side so he could face you and you could get more comfortable,holding him like a koala,your head resting on his shoulder.

You couldnt remember anything after that which meant that you had fallen asleep clinging to your friend.You woke up when Kelce got off the bed,leaving a frown on your face. “Go back to sleep.”He whispered to you.

When they got Topper ot the hospital they were still trying to find out how bad his injuries were.He was still knocked out,eyes twitching every few moments as he was rushed down the hall and into surgery to fix his mangled arm,removing the glass that had been lodged deep inside his leg.They were glad to find that none of his injuries were fatal despite him being technically dead for 15 seconds when they had first got him out of the river.

It was determined that he had a pretty nasty concussion that would take a good couple of months until it was completely healed.The surgeon had to stitch the long cut on his hairline shut,bringing it forward ever so slightly.They had noticed his medical records,calling his mother to tell her about the horrible accident. 

“Is the car okay?”She had asked,making the nurse who had called frown and tell her no,the car was definitely not okay. “Unfortunately im in California so I cant be there.Maybe just give his little girlfriend a call.”She suggested carelessly,not even bothering to ask about the condition her son was in.

Something about the way she said it sounded like she was disgusted by the idea of you.Almost like a child talking about vegetables.The nurse had asked for the number of his girlfriend,his mother reading off yours that she had stashed in her phone just in case of emergency.

When you woke up you were warm and comfortable,seeing two texts.One was from Kelce to let you know that he had left and that eggs and bacon were on the stove.The other was from Rafe telling you that he had left and got home safely.

He probably only texted you that because he had seen how worried you were when Topper hadnt.You checked your snapchat notifications,seeing that you had lost your 785 day streak with him.That really made you upset,knowing that it would take two years to get it to that point again.

You sent out your streaks,getting up with a loud yawn,stumbling as you made your way downstairs and into the kitchen,a shiver running up your spine from the cold tile.A glass plate sat on the stove,a layer of tinfoil covering it.

You peeled off the foil,placing the plate in the microwave when your phone rang.Your heartbeat picked up,hoping that it was Topper calling to tell you that he was sorry for nto calling you last night and that he was perfectly fine,frowning when you saw that it was an unknown number.

 “Hello?”You asked,hoping that it wasnt gonna be ghost face on the other end. “Um...is this Topper Thornton’s girlfriend?”the voice asked.You frowned,looking around your kitchen.You had no idea who it could be or why they would think your were Topper’s girlfriend but you decided to go with it anyways,saying yes.

There was a pause before the woman spoke again. “Im sorry to inform you but your boyfriend drove into Crescent River last night.He’s got an awful concussion and a severely broken arm as well as 12 stitches.He’s currently at Kildare Hospital if you’d like to come see him.”The woman explained.

And just then everything was over.You were always terrified of getting a call like this.That Rafe had overdosed at a party or that Kelce had been hit with a golf club to the head.But you never thought it would happen.

You felt like you couldnt breath,your hand gripping the phone so hard that you thought it might crack.You didnt know how you would get to the hospital.Rafe was at home and would take too long to get to your house,Kelce was at his cousin’s house on the complete opposite side of the island.

You knew what you had to do,grabbing your keys that had stayed in the junk drawer for the past two years,a layer of dust covering the metal.You rushed out of your house with nothing but your keys and phone,not bothering to slip on pants or even grab your bag,going into your garage in a rush.

You couldnt even remember turning on the car engine,speeding out of your driveway and leaving a trail of black marks,driving straight to the hospital.The car smelt like stale doritos for a reason that you couldnt understand.

The last time you had used this car or even drove was back when you were seventeen and nearly passed out while you were driving,too scared to try it again.It didnt matter now,your foot not leaving the gas pedal,hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that your fingers hurt,pulling into a random parking spot at the hospital,not even checking your parking job.

You held your phone and your keys in the same hand,sprinting and nearly getting hit by another car in the process,gasping for air when you reached the front desk. “I-I need to see Topper Thornton.”You spoke quickly,almost coughing.

The nurse’s eyes widened,realizing that you were the girl she had spoken to on the phone. “(Y/N)?”She asked,wanting to be sure before she told you what was important.You nodded,wanting this to be over so she’d tell you what room you needed to go to. 

“He said on the 911 call that he wanted you to know that he loved you and that he wanted Rafe to know thay he was sorry,I thought you should know.He’s up in room 234,2nd floor just two doors down.”She told you,a sympathetic look in her eyes.

You didnt think too much about it,running up the staircases because taking the elevator would waste time.You glanced at the rooms,trying to remember if she had said if the room was on the left or on the right.You found the room after a few seconds,preparing yourself before opening the door.

The lights were dim,the tv off.And then there was Topper,looking like he was dead.His left arm was put in a cast from his mid bicep to his hand,bent so the it was at a ninety degree angle and wresting on his stomach.

A few pieces of hair had fallen over the dark blue stitches that kept his skull from being visible,his eyes closed.An oxygen tube settled at his nose,multiple IV’s in his right arm,the heart monitor keeping a steady beat.

You were grateful for that,watching the lines move up and down,memorizing the sound of the beeping.You sent Rafe and Kelce text messages,telling them what had happened,deciding to keep the words that Topper had said to the dispatch to yourself for now.

After a long twenty minutes of sitting there a nurse came in,surprised to see you. “He should be waking up soon.Are you his spouse?”She asked,writing down something on a clipboard.You nodded,still keeping up with the lie figuring that it was the only way you’d be allowed to stay in the room with him.

 “Alright,he should wake up any moment,hun.”She smiled at you before leaving the room,closing the door quietly behind her.You rolled your eyes,figuring that she had spoken that sentence five other times today and that she didnt actually care about you or Topper.

You found yourself scooting your seat closer to the hospital bed,running your fingertips along the palm of his good arm.His eyes slowly opened,shutting again for a moment,slowly adjusting.

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[scandeniall]

It was terrifying—but we were in love

pairing: ex!atsumu x reader (exes to lovers type energy/connection but y’all don’t get together) mention of Kuroo x reader

Summary/warnings: your little brother joins Atsumu’s frat (who takes him on as his little) and takes it upon himself to help him out. It leads to you trying to stop that mistake but instead you find yourself reflecting on a time with Atsumu/ mentions of sex—loss of virginity, alcohol college au obvs, language

a/n: set in the same greek life universe as fancy seeing you based on the show greek. Another 3am ramble this time more on Atsumu x reader dynamic

——

Music could be heard all throughout Greek row. The sounds of a Saturday night good time we’re always your favorite but not tonight. Tonight you were on a mission, an important one to stop someone from making the biggest mistake of their life. Ignoring the pain in your own feet from your shoes you approached a house that just a few months ago you would’ve insisted that you’d never step foot in that house again.

Yet here you were again. For the second time this month. However, this visit different than your last had you pushing through throngs of students, drunk, high, neither or both in search of one of two people. You cringed as you brushed past someone’s sweaty skin almost sighing in relief when you found the cause of your worries.

Atsumu was toasting a shot when your grip surrounded his bicep and before he knew it he was yelling over the loud music that he’d be back. He nearly stumbled as you drug him up the stairs to a hallway much quieter than the chaos going on downstairs. “Atsumu where the hell is he?”

Your question was met unanswered, instead Atsumu eying you up and down something you couldn’t quite place in his eyes. “Whoa. You look-“

You’re quick to cut him off the urgency in your tone causing him to sober up as you repeat the question.

“Gonna need to be a little more specific than that”

“My fucking brother Atsumu. I know you’re trying to set him up to get laid tonight and that can’t happen.” Your eyes shift towards Atsumu’s room and your feet are instantly moving only stopped by his body barricading the door.

“Listen ya probably don’t wanna go in there.”

“Atsumu move.” Your attempt you slip around him is futile as he continues blocking the door.

“(Y/N) the kid was tired of being a virgin so I decided to do what any big brother would. Help my little pledge out.” His palms rest themselves on your shoulder lightly pushing the two of you away. “Besides why the sudden care for a brother that up until a few weeks ago, no one knew existed”

“That’s not the point Atsumu,” your quick to shove his hands off of you yet you make no move towards the door. “He’s different. He’s not like-“

“Me? Just say it (Y/N). I know ya want to. Sorry I’m not mr perfect rooster head. Oh wait? Didn’t he try to fight your brother” You don’t miss the hurt that peeks through his tone and it has you narrowing your eyes.

“Any of us. You. Me. Our friends. He doesn’t just find someone to have sex with because he’s bored. He has values and morals and he’s a good kid. He’s a honor student for gods sake. He chose to join a frat but not for this Tsumu.” You completely ignore the mention of Kuroo. Right now it didn’t matter. Both if you freeze as the old nickname slips out.

“Listen Atsumu. Don’t you remember our first time,” you’re clearing your throat before any of you could dwell on that moment. Your eyes catch his for the first time that night and you don’t miss the fondness that crosses his face.

“It was pretty amazing wasnt it?”

“No it wasn’t. It was terrifying. Terrifying and awkward and uncomfortable. But we were in love so it didn’t matter.” His expression shifts from hurt to understanding immediately.

“We were in love and we trusted eachother. And I dont regret it for a second. I want him to have that experience too. Or at least the choice to lose it to someone he loves. Not the pressure as a frat guy. He deserves that opportunity Atsumu so please-“

Atsumu finds himself nodding along. “You’re right. Listen. How about ya go wait downstairs and I’ll go in yeah?” His hand comes to rest on your shoulder again. This time it’s softer and you nod.

“Thank you Atsumu” with a gentle squeeze of your shoulder you let him go handle things as you head back down, ignoring the lump in your throat.

[badatjokezz]

Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Fic Recs

i’ve been so hype about some Hq rarepairs lately now imma list some of my fav fanfics, mostly OiSuga mwehehe.... 

(probably gonna add some more in the future)

Oisuga (Oikawa x Sugawara)

1. Stuck in the Middle With You by overlymetaromantic

It's not the kind of blossoming relationship either of them would expect, but maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something good.

1. In which Suga and Oikawa run into each other on a late night convenience store run.

2. In which Suga and Oikawa inadvertently switch bags and end up with the other’s uniform.

3. In which Suga gives Oikawa the lecture he doesn't want but probably needs, and Oikawa might accidentally be a little in love.

4. In which Oikawa won't shut up about Suga, and Iwaizumi plays matchmaker just to make him stop.

5. In which there is not a date, and Suga likes spicy things much more than sweet.

6. In which Karasuno and Aobajousai hold training camps in the same neck of the woods, and the trip back proves to be more revealing than it probably should.

7. In which there might just be a future to this after all.

(Dis is so fluffy i might die)

2. moving on (growing up) by _helios (neocitz)

‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.

‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.

‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’

‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.

(It’s been AGES since i read Fake/Pretend Relationship fic, this one is goood)

3. how strange, to be remembered by venusintwelfthFandoms

"He is not formed of the type of dust that makes up stars. Suga is not the type of person that stays in the mind of one like Oikawa Tooru, ten years later. He is formed of the type of dust you shake off, the type that settles into the ground."

Ten years after Suga last steps off a high-school court, Oikawa recollects a "Mr. Refreshing" in a post-game interview, and Suga is left scrambling.

(Cute one-shot, Oikawa still remember Mr. Refreshing from Karasuno)

4. all the small things by Authoress for lemedy

Sugawara Koushi.

Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.

The enemy.

(Single Dad! Oikawa, cuuutee ugh)

5. Win Some by kingdra (aroceu) for Icie

Tooru does not have a problem, its name is certainly not Sugawara Koushi, and he is not going to the Karasuno practices just to watch him. Regardless of whatever Iwa-chan says.

(High school romane~)

6. Even as bright as you are? by BKAKCANON

That night when he goes to sleep, he includes "the safety of fairies" on his prayers, making a promise to whoever was listening him, that he'd protect all the fairies and keep their secret safe forever.

[Where Oikawa meets Suga when they are kids and Oikawa believes Suga is secretly a fairy and decides he has to protect his secret all costs.]

(This is basically matches my headcanon)

7. getting to know you by oisugasuga

Suga feels like he’s back on the court then, his heart thudding hard in his ears… so hard he almost misses what Oikawa says. Unfortunately, though, he doesn’t.

"My, my. What a surprise," Oikawa Tooru says. And then… "Hello, Mr. Refreshing."

(Haven’t finished yet but DAMN I LOVE OIKAWA AND SUGA IN HERE, single dad! oikawa, and Suga babysitting oikawa’s kid, def slow burn. Imma follow this fic till death)

8. Dear Reader by hyirule

No one seems to read the paper anymore. But Oikawa likes to for the sports section. One day he finds himself reading a section called "Dear Reader" and finds a submission he can relate to.

Basically messages sent through a page on a newspaper brings to unlikely souls together, who maybe have more in common than they first thought.

(Cannon compliant, simple and... refreshing(?))

9. rest by shicchaan

Tooru looks at the sleeping person beside him as he waits for the lights change into green. The growing fringe of his husband started to cover his eyes but he can still see the beautiful birthmark under the silver haired's left eye.

(Established relationship, fluff fluff!!!)

10. long is the road (that leads me home) by ichweissnichtauch

He thinks about himself, deleting contacts from his phone and throwing coffee cups away without even looking at the string of numbers scrawled in Sharpie ink underneath, and he’s tired of hiding, tired of carefully treading the lines he’d drawn for himself all those years ago.

Just this once, Tooru wants— he thinks he wants to be brave.

Oikawa Tooru is not a stranger to wanting.

(like... 20% Oisuga but i like the way this story follows the Cannon till he get to Argentina)

11. It's Always Been About You by mintycarrots

Every time Tooru had envisioned meeting his soulmate, it was a confession of love, filled with tears of happiness and a lot of making out. It would be a faceless petite girl that would support Tooru in whatever he chose to pursue and would understand when Tooru prioritized volleyball over all else.

It was never a boy on the rival team.

(Soulmate AU)

12. a play in three acts by venusintwelfth

"The first time Sugawara Koushi sees Oikawa Tooru play, he thinks that if he wasn’t so set on volleyball, he’d do well in theater."

the first seijoh x karasuno match through the eyes of suga.

(Kinda poetic i guess, well written af)

13. colors by dazeful

Sugawara Koushi's colorful life as an archer.

(this is like the perfect oisuga one shot ive ever read)

___

IwaSuga (Iwaizumi x Sugawara)

1. And so the moon cried by iwriteinpenFandoms:

The hillocks are the domain of unearthly creatures. Creatures of rot and fog, of music and dance. Like ghosts in the night they travel without leaving footprints, they disappear in a flurry of long dresses and pale hair. Those who are fated to see them risk curses far worse than death. You may hear them, a giggle in the wind. You may smell them, the smell of the fog rolling in through the trees. You should pray you never see them. Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple man. He works a simple farm job and enjoys simple things. After one morning where he woke next to a perfect circle of death and only the memory of brown eyes and cold hands, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to the forest. Will the tales of his childhood play out with him at the center or will he have to disregard all reason?

(Danish Folklore AU)

2. Cry Just A Little by DreadfulMind

Suga was whistling a tune to himself as he opened the door to the bathroom, so he didn't hear the muffled crying through the door. But he could hear it clearly once he was inside. He heard the sharp sob of someone trying to stop.

"Iwaizumi?" He asked, "are you sure you're alright?"

(Simple but c u t e)

3. Generations by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor), mozaikmage

Professional sports blogger Sugawara Koushi writes an article about a volleyball match that bears special meaning to him and his former kouhai: a showdown between Kitagawa Daiichi and Yukigaoka Middle School, ten years after the teams faced off for the first time. He doesn't plan on capturing the attention of the world of sports journalism, and he certainly doesn't expect himself to end up having a thing for one of the coaches involved, one Iwaizumi Hajime.

(Time-Skip, I loved it)

___

KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)

1. Invictus by Chiru

Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.

(Fake/Pretend Relationship, some fluff, some angst, i read this in the middle of the night and cried, fortunately happy ending)

2. hold onto hope if you got it by nekolyssi

"Now, in the beginning of their third year of high school, the obnoxious hollering and incessant spirit of his teammates became normalcy to Kei. And now, normalcy is this. Weekly psych meetings. Pharmacy waiting rooms. Prescriptions. Refusal of prescriptions. More prescriptions."

(Not finished yet but yep prolly gonna put this one to one of those best haikyuu fics ive ever read. I wasnt so interested at first but i really like the idea of mental ilness etc, this is g o o d!!)

3. [KuroTsuki Fest Week 2017] Traces by Heartythrills 

Kuroo’s disappeared for a little over a week now, and suddenly a 4 year old who looks like him appears before Tsukishima’s apartment.

(Age regression, fluff)

4. I swear by xArtemisx

Like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there

"What are you doing here, Tetsu? It's cold." Kei asked softly. Tetsurou smiled. Hearing his name came out of Kei's lips is always music to his ears.

"Nothing. I just came to think that whatever memory we make, may it be happy or sad memories, the bright moon and the starry night sky is always there to be the witness. Did you notice?" The alpha answered and Kei nodded. He also noticed it.

"Yes, I did noticed it."

(I love agony and sad ending....)

5. Honeybee by ClosetGoblin

Tsukishima has trouble sleeping one night during a Third Gym Camping Trip. So, he takes his acoustic guitar and passes the time with some music, and gets a visitor. Maybe he doesn't mind Kuroo's voice as he does the screeching that Lev and Hinata call singing.

(Simple but sweet)

6. Say You Like Me by the_madame21

It's been three months. And Tsukishima Kei is going to see Kuroo Tetsurou.

(light angst and.. s m u t. Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamic)

7. trying to get to you by mytsukkishine

Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.

(sad beginning? yes. sad ending? y e s. you’re a masochist? come get your juice)

8. Please Hold by ThemooncatFandoms

Kei was expecting Kuroo to do one of two things; Send a text to the office saying that they will have to call back another time and continue what they started, or excuse himself from Kei to answer the call, which was most likely. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kuroo does neither of those things.

(short but hot. what’s hotter than quiet sex?)

___

Ushijima x Oikawa

1. This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (poulerslashes)

Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?

(It was funny for me reading oikawa/ushijima fic with that “you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa” joke at first but somehow i found this one... endearing :3, cute poor ushiwaka)

___

Atsumu x Nishinoya

1. All the things I love about Yuu by KilluCoulomb

Atsumu Miya is fixated in Nishinoya. The way the boy acts, talks, plays. He Carefully observes from afar, but he slowly warms up to the Libero. Friendship becomes more and more intimate. Atsumu realizes Nishinoya is not that simple guy he met three years ago. And he loves it.

(pro volleyball players AU)

2. i'll see you then by noyabeans (snowdrops)

Nishinoya Yuu and Miya Atsumu build a rivalry and something more.

“Oh, it's Karasuno’s libero,” he says, mildly surprised to see Nishinoya’s face staring back at him from the brochure, grinning wide with his arms folded over his chest.

Contains spoilers for the current manga arc, up to chapter 380.

[rhaenyraisadyke]

Fundys Stream My Nightmare (5/24)

(stuff transcribed live so. it might be wrong but I tried)

F: Remember the times when… when.. when… I.. remember the times when I couldn’t stop a nation from blowing up.. remember the times when I helped the guy who killed tubbo….

You know what bothers me the most? I have been having nightmares with crazy visual stuff happening and I don’t know how to explain it.. I I just.. my memory goes back to.. to those days.. I had the chance that I was always there. I was the helping of will and schlatt and the butters army….

And I.. I couldn’t do anything.. and it leads me to believe it was always my fault.. it makes me think it was always my fault.. and everytime I was apart of something it fucked up.. everything something messes up I’m part of it.. its always been that way.

A day ago.. quackity showed up at my doorstep.. and told me a few things. He told me.. ya know, the things I was part of and the a few things that made sense and a few things that weren’t.. weren’t great to hear, but he was right.

Me and quackity.. had a long talk, it was me thinking he came over to see me. I isolated myself from the world, tried to save everyone from having crazy shit happening, because every time Im part of something everything seems to break down no matter what it is. So I tried to isolate myself from only specific dreams.

And I thought he was going to see me but he had oddly specific business requests. He’s made some mistakes but he’s a nice guy. He told me about my history and made me aware of what happened… well… time for a new chapter maybe. I don’t know.. I don’t know, but its, lets hear him out. I think that’s the least we can do. I mean the place does seem impressive.

Q: I wasn’t here for business I was here for you

F: Do you really mean that?

Q: Why were you in the butcher army?

Q: Work in the cabinet?

Q: You have always had the same interests as me

Q: Because of those past experiences is why I went to see you.

F: You’re. ..Making me smile..

Q:And im not saying it to make you smile.. im saying it to make you think

Q: This is not las Nevadas… this is home. If you decide to join the country.. this simply will be home.

Q:For the longest time I didn’t have a home.. I had two houses in my lifetime, one was in the lmanburg house. Infant we had a dispute as neighbors… and another house underneath Karls house.. but I never intend to go back

F:You literally can’t go back there right?

Q:Do you want me to be honest fundy?

Q:As much as I love to see this as a new beginning… for me it was a necessity.. it was either starting a new chapter or rotting away in self pity.

F:Quackity I don’t really know if this stage is good…

Q:Fundy, you are more then happy to offer your contributions..

F:You’d allow me to do that?

Q:Fundy look at me and listen to me carefully.. I own this place, this place is mine and I am under rule of nobody, no Tommy, Tubbo, Schlatt, Fundy we can do whatever we want under any means, we don’t have to worry about going to war every single week..

Fundy we can finally go everything we want to. And that freedom means more to me then this SMP could ever offer.. We are FREE here.. .this is HOME fundy..

Its home.. this entire place is home, its ours… just like that I have been working on this for a long time just so someone to say you can’t do this you can’t do that you can’t express yourself

Im so tired of people telling me my entire fucking life that I can’t do something. And this is why this place- this is home fundy, this is HOME

I get it Fundy I get it, and we both have been in this situation quackity, we both know what its like to be put down, and to be written on paper and work for months and we know how that feels

And you and me unlike most people

I wish we could include tubbo on that but Tommy Wilbur had that share of power for awhile..

But you and I quackity we had so many ideas but we were pushed aside with our ideas and now all of thats changed and we can do something about it

F: Did you know I visited Paris eeveryyear as a kid?

Q: It wasnt a coincidence fundy…

F: It feels like home.. fundy it feels like home

Q: I don’t think there’s been amount in my life where I’ve been this happy.. And we offer all sorts of entertainment if someone wants

Q: Fundy you gotta chose the people you trust wisely, and Fundy I’ve put trust and hope more trust then hope . I gave too much benefit of the doubt when we were in the lmanburg cabinet, I used to think that somehow which the people we ruled over would someday strive for peace and love and maybe… but thats bullshit fundy… thats bullshit of what people want.. and that breaks my heart fundy.. but you know what? We are here now.. and all this.. you’re gonna see fundy..

F: But what if. What if it happens again Quackity? Quackity I’ve been thinking I told you about the nightmares and stuff quackity.. .once the nightmares finally end and the continuous loop finally escapes and want to know what I see I just see myself. And it tells me that you know.. that every single time.. it always leads me to believe that its always me… and that its crazy.. thats crazy..

Q: Fundy? Don’t talk nonsense… don’t talk nonsense on las Nevadas

F: sorry. Im sorry

Q: No fundy don’t apologies, you and I have been kicked in the ground and you and I have been undermined for so long,, and it doesn’t matter.. where are they?

Q: Wilbur as far as I am aware is dead..

Q: Tommy.. I haven’t even heard of Tommy in so long for all we know hes still chasing that disk

At one point of all of these friends I considered friends they are all still chasing the same thing over and over again and they think thats going to change… but thats the thing you have to create the change yourself.

But until you finally realize your own self worth as a warrior and an excellent member I don’t want you in las nevadas.. I care for you as a person, you’re not a business partner you’re not some asset some pawn, you’re my friend and I rather you work on yourself and realize your self worth.

And that point I don’t want you to be far away from me

You know what fundy? I still want you to find yourself….. Theres so much unused land here.. how about you take this plot here fundy and how about you build yourself a place you call home. Build whatever you want.. build your home’

F: Whatever I want? Actually? Like if I go back and find myself… if that ever were to happen.. this is the place I can call home? Right here?

Q: Build your legacy…. Fundy is big fundy is powerful fundy is smart… and translate all of those things into a nice big building…

F: Right now it doesnt strike me as the right thing to do.. well you know me better.

Q: Fundy.. you have to let go.. YOU HAVE TO LET GO..

F: I can do that.. I can do that.. .. its my choice its my decision

Q: Fundy.. pretend lmanburg never happened, pretend all of the wars never happened.. yell to the sky I am born again say I am born again I am no longer the old version of me.. it will take some time but I’m sure one day you will understand.. fundy im sure you will understand

Fundy I just have one last thing to say to you.. just follow me.. Look at this sign… Fundy… Welcome home fundy…

Welcome home..

F: You know at the end of the day.. he is actually nice..

Thats was friends do.. thats what friends do… good day actually good day.. my good friend.. who’s very busy lately… so what if he couldn’t visit me for three months.. and so a friend like me I can understand that people can be busy for three months like quackity or ever since I left… and im a good friend.. a bro.. you know what? You know what lil guy? I think I think… Im gonna have a good night… I think tonight might be different.. I think tonight im gonna have a good night…

[dirt-cup-draco]

Fred x Reader- Foolproof (2/2)

Previously:

“You could do it, ya know,” You found your voice had become but a whisper and Fred leaned in to hear you. “You and George could open a shop, it’d be great, I’m sure of it,”

 The smile on his face was worth the comment you had thought about biting back. He looked genuinely surprised yet pleased. “I don’t tell many people about what our plans are,” Fred admitted and your chest swelled with pride. He trusted you. “Goodnight Y/N,” He said his farewells, ducking his head to press a lingering kiss to your cheek. 

You thought you could hear him laughing softly to himself at your boggled expression. 

Now what had you gotten yourself into? As you settled down for bed, you could feel Fred’s kiss burn against your cheek, the feeling lingering until sleep claimed you.

Two more weeks had come and gone, the trees had been bared of all of their leaves and you were now wishing for snow, yet the temperature never seemed to drop low enough to bring what you desired. You were praying that sometime soon you would wake to see the grounds blanketed and the black lake frozen over. You found yourself wishing that Fred would also be frozen over in the black lake, having grown more annoyed with the Weasley than you ever had in your whole time of knowing him

All good things, no matter if it was a lie, had to come to an end apparently. 

It seemed like every few moments he was looking between you and Angelina before adjusting something, whether that be pulling you into his lap or wrapping his arm securely around your shoulder. Then came the questions that bounced around in your mind because he repeated them so often it’d be impossible to forget.

Was Angie looking? Did she look upset? Is this working?

You supposed they were good questions to ask, she was the reason behind your fake dating after all. The reason you could even claim to your friends you had a boyfriend, even if it was all blasphemy. This was for her, not you. Fred wanted Angelina, and not you. You hadn’t meant to start thinking this way but it had become impossible.

Even when wrapped up in a lie, Fred was so genuine. His honesty was refreshing and he had brightened up your life considerably. You cared for Fred of course, you had been friends for years, but this went beyond that now and you were moving into dangerous territory. Every date left your stomach in knots and every smile had a roller coaster swerving on the tracks of said knots, with tiny screaming butterflies strapped in and unable to turn the ride off.

You felt sick.

“Fred,” You spoke his name softly as you sat among his friends and brother. He was loudly joking, his body shaking with laughter as his familiar grip around your waist tightened. “Fred, can we go talk?” You asked again a bit louder and he finally took notice, as did George and Lee.

“Ooooh, someone’s in trouble,” Lee laughed and George elbowed him square in the gut with a simple “shut it,” tacked on.

Fred seemed to search for something as his eyebrows knit to the center of his forehead. “Sure love, lead the way,” He mumbled, wondering why you looked so serious all of a sudden. Had he done something wrong?

Your heart was a lump in your throat as you led him outside of the great hall and to one of the many out of the way corridors he had been showing you over the past couple weeks. “Look Fred, this past month has been fun but-”

You were cut off as Fred started laughing. “Wait, wait, are you breaking up with me?”

“And what if I am?” You asked, suddenly upset. Why was it so bizarre for you to want this to be over? You had done all you could and if Angie wasn’t biting then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. You had already invested too much into this and into Fred. You couldn’t do it anymore without giving away more of yourself and rocking the foundation that kept you from collapsing and admitting the truth to him. You liked Fred Weasley, love him even, and you couldn’t ever let that come to light.

Fred scoffed, blowing air through his nose as he thought over it. “Because! We haven’t done what we wanted to do yet! Angie still-”

“For fuck’s sake Fred! That’s just it, isn’t it? We aren’t a we! This is you with me following along like a complete and utter fool. ” You tossed your hands in the air as he brought her up. You were friends with Angelina, you didn’t know her well but this was ridiculous and it wasn’t fair of him. “What’s so wrong with you just telling her how you feel? Why muddy other people’s lives just to get another girl you’ll be bored of in a couple of weeks?”

You couldn’t help your scathing judgement as something ugly reared up inside you. You didn’t want to hear about Angelina anymore but more importantly than that you didn’t want to hear Fred talk about Angelina. You were tired of the pretending and you were tired of pretending to be cared about. The corners of your eyes prickled with the telltale sign of tears and you wouldn’t, couldn't, cry in front of him.

You escaped before Fred could stop you, ducking around him as his arm shot out to try and catch you. You didn’t turn around when he hollered your name, even if there had been confusion in his voice and something that sounded close to hurt. If only he knew how much he was hurting you.

--

Fred was moping, he realized as you ignored him the morning after you'd gotten cross with him. It was difficult for him to roll out of bed so he decided to just stay under the covers, staring at the wall and wondering where he had gone wrong. You had seemed fine the day before, sure you hadn’t been as talkative when he asked what he could do next to catch Angie’s attention but he had assumed you were just bored.

Maybe that was it. You were bored and so you were breaking off the set up you two had spent weeks on. You looked like a convincing couple and more than that, you acted like it! Fred noticed the way you were started to reach for his hand to hold when you saw him and how when he cracked a joke you would smile, even if the joke wasnt any good. You were perfectly convincing! It was perfect, it was like you weren’t even acting at all.

Fred rolled over in his bed once. Then twice. “Fuck,”

“What was that mate?” George asked, springing up at his bedside as if summoned by his twin’s abnormal tone.

Fred sighed, running his palm over his face as he took a deep breath. He couldn’t be right, you wouldn’t ever want anything to do with him! Yet he had never seen an expression on your face like the one he had been putting there with his foolish little ‘dates’ and even more idiotic pet names. The ones you paid attention to every single day...

“I’ve messed up with Y/N,” Fred spoke honestly and George grimaced.

“Is that what she wanted to talk about yesterday? I would’ve hit Lee harder if I knew you two were actually going to get into a fight. I’m feelin’ quite lucky I”m not in a relationship,”

“We’re not,” Fred said dumbly, only now realizing that you had seemed uncomfortable all during lunch and it had only gone downhill from there, especially in the hall when he had brought up Angelina.

We aren’t a we! This is you with me following along like a complete and utter fool. He recalled what you said and it was starting to shed new light on your maybe not so sudden outburst.

“She dumped you?” George asked like it was the worst sin anyone could possible commit. “Oh, you deserve so much better though, she’s a real piece of work-”

“She didn’t dump me Georgie,” Fred said through gritted teeth, frustrated because he didn’t know what to do or think or feel. “It was all fake, I wanted to catch Angie’s eye so I pretend to shack up with Y/N... It seemed like it was going well but I think that Y/N might have feelings for me,”

George could hardly believe it and Fred felt guilty seeing the way his twin was looking at him. He just hadn’t thought to tell him and then they were in too deep to the lie. It wasn’t that he didn’t think George could have helped, it just hadn’t occurred to him to share.

“You absolute tosser!” George pointed an accusing finger at Fred’s face. Fred tried to sink back into his pillows as his brother stood above him. “Y/N is lovely and our friend and you used her to get close to another girl?”

“Bit quick changing your tune aren’t you?” Fred winced as George hit the nail on the head.

He was right though, you were lovely.ou were absolutely wonderful and he had gotten to know you differently over the past month. You didn’t like brownies much unless they were like fudge, you loved the winter and hated the summer. Chrysanthemums were your favorite flower and you liked classic rock muggle music. More than that, you had confided in him about how you felt like you weren’t as desirable as the other girls around you, you’d never been in a relationship before and that could be isolating as a teen.

You had confided in him and he had used you. Now he felt like garbage.

“I love you, I really do,” George promised before swatting Fred upside the head, “but couldn’t you have just told Angelina? With how Y/N looks at you, I thought it was all real,”

“Really just rubbing it in aren’t you?”

“Someone has to consider her feelings in all this,” George pointed out and Fred’s chest constricted painfully.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her!” Fred argued, sitting up in bed as the guilt pressed down on him. “I really didn’t mean to... a month ago she agreed to fake this relationship with me, I figured that meant she didn’t have feelings for me,”

“That doesn’t mean feelings can’t grow over time. Just try and talk to her,” George advised, patting Fred on the back before he had to be getting on to class. Maybe it was good if Fred sat alone with his thoughts for a while.

--

Being alone with his thoughts did him no good. Fred still hadn’t found the courage to talk to you but he told himself it was because you were busy, and then it was because he was respecting your privacy. Lately though, he was honest enough to understand you were avoiding him.  It had been two long weeks and he was going mad.

He hadn’t realized how close you two had become until you were staying as far away from his as possible. Your attendance had been spotty, something he noticed the day after you had ‘dumped him’. When you did come to class you took a seat in the back if he was up front or a seat up front if he was in the back, it didn’t even matter if you were sitting to someone you didn’t know you just didn’t want to be around him.

Fred didn’t like how it made him feel. He especially didn’t like when he looked your way and you seemed to be physically there but not mentally. Your eyes were puffy as if you had been crying and he couldn’t help but kick himself over it. You were usually so put together and that wasn’t to say you didn’t still look as precious as always but he noticed it in the way you didn’t bother to straighten your tie and your hair wasn’t as immaculate as you like it to be. He hated seeing you sad. More than that, he hated seeing you sad because of him.

Even when he had been a lot, and he knew he could be a lot, you were there to ease him down from his hyperactivity and get his mind focused whether it be on the conversation or quidditch talk or his schoolwork. You were easy to talk with and you didn’t once get upset with him even if you gave him a bad time about his stupid jokes. You were accepting and you gave him more chances than any girl ever had.

He moved on so often because he thought no one could handle him. Fred figured his mom seemed irritated with him most of the time, why would a girl want to date him and be around that all the time? It was easy to know someone on a shallow level and skip getting to the commitment part. Which was maybe why he liked Angie. She was empathetic, witty, and a good friend. They both liked quidditch and he figured why not her? But as he sat and thought about, he wouldn’t want to tell her about the shop, about his dreams and his hopes and his future.

Angelina was great but he worried she would be one of the people who would laugh at his and George’s dream, tell him that they were so funny thinking they could achieve that. But he knew they could, and you knew they could. You had been approving and supportive and he trusted you as you trusted him. You were different, you weren’t Angie, and maybe that was a good thing. Fred liked Angie, but he loved you.

--

Two weeks had been too long with no word and you were certain now that all of it had been fake. Fred’s affections and smiles and stories were just the description on the back of the book and he hadn’t actually let you read the pages inside the cover. It had been a front and he had played you and used you just so he could find another girl.

You knew you couldn’t blame him completely. You had agreed to join this messy game of his and you thought you would come out on top, or at least unscathed. You could have ended things earlier but how were you supposed to know that you had feelings for him? You hadn’t meant to, you just did. It was unavoidable when it came to Fred.

Even now you were trying to stay cross with him, and it wasn’t as hard as you thought for which you were grateful, but you didn’t want to punch him yet. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? You couldn’t really tell. You just knew that you would be able to hold it together if you didn’t have to deal with him or talk to him ever again.

You were praying that when he eventually got with Angie you would be blinded in a terribly cauldron accident so that you didn’t have to see the pair of them happy together. Selfish? Maybe. Dramatic? Overly so. Yet you were feeling like a lovesick teen and so you felt you deserved to be dramatic. The whole situation made you feel foolish. It was impossible to not fall in love with Fred Weasley.

Even when it started to snow you couldn’t find it in you to smile.

--

Dinner was getting out and Fred was watching you like a hawk as you finished up your meal, not eating as much as you usually would. Your eyelids were heavy and you looked tired. He hoped you were getting sleep... Maybe it was a coincidence and you had just been studying too late. Fred didn’t think he was any reason to lose sleep.

Yet, he found himself losing sleep as he thought about the way you made him feel and if he was in your shoes he’d be frustrated and jealous and hurt above all. You liked him, or at least he hoped, and he had been going on about Angie like she was his destiny.

Tonight was the night he fixed things so that you could both get some rest. No matter what you said, or how you felt, Fred needed to apologize. He needed to set the record straight so you knew how precious you were to him, how everyone else bored him but he could see you in the future with him and George and there joke shop that seemed less like a dream and more like a reality every day.

You rose from your bench and your eyes went straight to the ground, scared of seeing Fred among the crowd. You weren’t hungry anymore and it was probably just best if you went to bed for the night.

You got beyond the doors of great hall, eyelids heavy and shoulders sagging as you shuffled to your common room. Yawning, you were stalled in repeating the password to the person staring down at you from their portrait.

Fred sped up as you paused at the portrait, hand coming up to wave your yawn away as sleep crept up behind you. “Y/N!” He called out, stopping abruptly at your side before you even recognized that he had arrived. You jumped and took two steps back, only to be met with a wall. “I’ve been looking for you,”

Your expression soured as you took in the redheaded boy. He had been looking for you? Was he looking for an apology? Maybe he was here to tell you he had finally gotten that girlfriend he wanted... “I don’t want to talk Fred,” You shoved past him, opening your mouth to repeat the password but stopped you, determined hands grabbing your shoulders.

“Don’t talk then,” He said, holding your cheeks in his hand, crushing his lips to yours, slanting his lips and hoping you would follow suit. You didn’t however, your nose scrunched up and you..you bit him? He pulled away with a sudden jerk, only being more surprised when your palm came from nowhere to slap him across the cheek.

Fred was dumbfounded. You had tears in your eyes.

“Y/N, I-”

“No talking,” You sniffled. “You haven’t talked to me in two weeks and now you think it’s okay to kiss me?! I-I’ve never been kissed before Fred, and I certainly didn’t want it to be because of this mockery of a ‘relationship’ we had... I can do a lot for you Fred, but I can’t be happy about that and I can’t keep going on like this, just leave me alone,”

“No,” Fred said, reaching for you again but you sent him a warning glare that kept him from doing so. “Darling, please... I swear I forgot- ‘bout your first kiss I mean... Wouldn’t have done that if I’d remembered,” He said bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck with worry. “Just let me explain?”

You wanted to be angry, and you were, that had been the most unpleasant first kiss you could have imagined. Yet Fred was standing in front of you with those gorgeous doe eyes and you were becoming quickly powerless to them. “Fine,” You hoped your tone sounded intimidating because you didn’t want Fred thinking he’d gotten off so easy.

“Let me just start with an apology, I never wanted this to hurt you and it took you fake dumping me and George smacking some sense into me that I realized what a selfish git I’ve been and how I really messed up... It wasn’t fair wait I did, especially because at some point it became natural to be with you all the time and take you out. I started thinking about what you might like for a date instead of what Angie might like, but all the while I was trying to make her jealous and that was wrong of me. I thought this whole plan was foolproof but it just left me looking like a fool,”

Fred paused, searching your eyes and asking for permission to continue. It looked like you had been momentarily calmed down and you crossed your arms over your chest before dictating that he could, “Go on, please. I’m liking the bit about how you really messed up,” Fred smiled a bit even if it felt strained.

“I’ll say it as many times as you want, I messed up. I messed up very badly and I used one of the most lovely, giving, patient hearts I’ve ever known. You were right more than once and Angelina isn’t it for me... I just thought she’d be the only one who would be able to handle me. That’s not anyway to think though and with you I’ve realized that I can have someone who loves me like I love them and it doesn’t have to be something as pathetic as me taking the first person who is willing to deal with me...”

“You’re joking,” You said after a minute, eyes narrowed as you took a step forward, poking Fred’s chest angrily. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me aren’t you? You have to be... You like Angelina, not me,” You added but your voice cracked, your anger dissipating with your oncoming insecurity.

“It’s not a joke,” Fred promised, grabbing your hand the next time you sent a bruising jab to his chest. “For the first time in my entire life, it is not a joke Y/N. I want you,”

“You fucking idiot,” You sniffled. “You better make up for that rubbish first kiss then, because I swear that my first kiss is not going to be from a boy I’m angry at, I’d rather it be from a boy I love,”

Fred followed you into your common room, curling up on the couch alongside you and pulling you nearer and nearer until the gap that he created between you two had been bridged. And after watching the snow fall, and being able to smile about it for the first time, Fred made up for the first kiss, and then the second, and then several more after that.

You were his darling, he was your fool. And that’s exactly how you wanted it to be.

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Familiar Faces -Tyrus fic

Cyrus's POV:

"I know! I swear I want-" I cut my sentence off short and stared past my friend, Buffy, causing her to turn around and see what had rendered me speechless.

"What the-Is that TJ?" Buffy asked, a little too loud. His head turned towards us and I quickly ducked down to avoid being seen.

"Cyrus what are you-"

"Buffy Shh!" I cut her off, but it was too late. We were noticed and TJ had started over to our table.

"Buffy did we pay already"

"Yeah wh-"

Before she could finish her response I had grabbed her hand and rushed her out of the spoon. I was glad I had given up trying to sit at the counter and let Buffy choose a seat by the exit.

"Cyrus what the heck is going on" Buffy asked after a couple minutes, finally pulling me to a stop.

"I dont- I dont want to see him. Why is he back"

"Cyrus he probably is visiting family. When he left Amber said their mom sent him to some bootcamp program or something, that hed be gone for a couple years, it's been 3 years he might just be back"

"No! No no no! He cant be back I cant- I cant have him around after-" I stopped myself from completing the thought.

"Alright Cyrus come on we are going to your place and you're telling me what the heck is going on. You two were so close up until a week before he left"

Despite my protests Buffy dragged me to my house and upon heading down to the entertainment room in my basement, demanded I tell her what happened. I was hesitant at first, not wanting to relive the memories but the therapist in me thought it might be good for me to talk about so I told her.

**** 3 years ago ****

"TJ, you've had too much to drink. Where did you even get all this you're only 17"

"Ugh mind your business Goodman I get it's in your name but why cant you loosen up? You're being a lame"

I tried to shake off his words, I didnt know why he was acting this way but I tried to convince myself it was the alcohol talking not him.

"Baby you don't mean that, come on let's go wash up and go to bed okay? Come on" I gently took hold of his arm and tried to lead him up the stairs but he quickly yanked away from me.

"Stop calling me that I'm not fucking gay Cyrus. Whatever this is has to stop now it's getting old"

"TJ, I-"

"No dont look at me like that. I'm not gay I never was. Sure you're my friend but I figured I could win you and mess around some"

"I was wh- Is that all I was? Some prize to be won? A toy to be played with? You know what TJ no screw you!" I felt tears well up in my eyes and tried to stop them from falling but still they rolled down my cheeks.

"Don't cry. Cyrus dont cry please I'm sorry" TJ's tone and attitude changed and I didnt know what to believe. He was drunk and unstable.

"Just- just stop talking let's get you to bed"

"Cy I love you baby" he smiled softly at me, it was like he didnt remember the things he had said just a moment before

"Mhm come on into bed you go" I replied setting a trashcan down next to him. I decided not to sleep in his bed and took some blankets and pillows down stairs to the couch. I was woken up to the sound of TJ's voice the next morning.

"H-hey Cy goodmorning baby, how come you slept down here?"

"Do you not remember what happened last night?"

"No not really, but based on the massive headache I have right now and the fact that I reek of liquor, I assume I got drunk"

"That you did. As well as say some pretty nasty stuff"

"Oh no Cy I-"

"Dont. Just- Don't okay? Dont say sorry because itd be nothing more than empty air you dont even remember." I cut him off, a sense of bitterness in my tone.

"Cy what did i- what did I say?"

"I was you're prize, just a toy to be won.. You're not gay."

"Cyrus Im s-"

"Dont. Dont say it. Dont tell me you're sorry you dont mean it"

"I didnt mean for that to come out then I didn't-"

"So it was true?"

"No I-"

"Just- stop already TJ you're not helping. You were right about one thing last night. This needs to stop. I'm tired of being pushed around- pushed away when other people are around. The truth came out TJ, hopefully you can too" with tears running down my face I took my chance to leave at that. I never wanted to see him again.

****current time****

I looked up at Buffy who had a a soft expression on her face. I wiped tears away from my own as she pulled me into a hug

"Oh Cyrus you didnt deserve that. Not at all, nobody can treat my best friend like that. I'm gona go find him" she stated, getting up from the couch.

"Buffy no. That was 3 years ago, I should be over it by now"

"But you're not"

"I know I'm not Buffy but he probably doesn't even remember"

Buffy sighed but agreed to let things be and I heard a familiar knock pattern on my door.

"TJ's here..." I said a slight panic rising in me

"How do you know"

"That's his knock. Everytime he used to visit he would knock a bunch of times in a heartbeat rhythm"

"I'll kick him out-"

"No no just- you go home I'll call you later. Okay?"

"Fine okay"

We walked upstairs to the front door together and I opened it, sure enough it was TJ

"Hey Buffy.. Cyrus" TJ greeted us shly

"Kippen" Buffy responded coldly before walking out the door to leave "Bye Cyrus see you later" I waved for a moment before turning back to the blue eyed boy standing on my front porch.

"TJ..."

"Can I come in? Please we really should talk"

"About what? Theres nothing to talk about"

"About what happened before I left"

"I dont know what you mean" I responded playing dumb.

"Cyrus we both know that's not true or you wouldnt have run away at the spoon like you did." He looked at me with pleading eyes and I sighed stepping out of the doorway and letting him in. We sat down in the kitchen and I made him a cup of coffee.

"Cyrus I never meant to hurt you. The things I said- they weren't meant to be taken like that. I just I was drunk and I guess the delivery wasnt great"

"Yeah no kidding" I responded coldly, scoffing at him.

"I did love you Cyrus- I do. I just was scared. The day before.. my mom found out. She started screaming at me because she had seen us kissing. I- I panicked she had seen us on a nanny cam she told me to breakup with you. I never meant to but I knew the camera was there and I guess I just couldnt convey that I was acting.. she sent me away anyway"

"TJ.. I didn't- I didnt know.. I'm sorry"

"How were you supposed to?"

"I could have let you talk that morning... tell me..."

"It wasnt you're fault Cyrus"

I felt tears well up in my eyes, "yes it was! All these years I spent mad at you and it was my fault. I should have just let you explain and this wouldnt have happened I wouldn't have-" suddenly I felt TJs hands on my wrists as his lips pressed against mine. He started to pull away and then leaned back in, slowly loosening his grip on my wrists. Once he pulled away I took a deep breath

"God I missed that" he whispered softly

"Me too" I replied.

We sat there and talked for hours, we had 3 years of making up to do. And 3 years of anger, pain, and betrayal to deal with. But we had each other and that's what mattered.

[wildtorres-a]

surprise, surprise.

WHAT? —  when drew finds lia outside of the torres household at an odd hour, he invites her in, and in turn receives some news that is sure to change both of their lives.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 11th.

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy, mention of drugs, mention of death.

FEATURING —  lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia ), brief appearance of mike dallas ( @dallas-micheal )

i cant be pregnant, theres not a possibly way this shit is correct That was all that was going through Lias mind since the night prior. A very restless night of tossing and turning with dreams and nightmares of what was to come. One second dreaming about the perfect white picket fence life, Drew playing catch with their son in the yard. Amelia cooking in the kitchen with their daughter as the animals roamed around. The next her and Drew at each others throats, no ounce of happiness shining on either of their faces. Waking up and staring at the ceiling while she thought of every scenario her little brain could.

Thats how she found herself outside of the Torres residence, creeping down the side of the house. She knew better than to knock on the front door, it was almost midnight and the last thing she needed was Audra on her case for coming to her house so late. She cautiously knocked on the sliding glass door, hoping either Drew or Dallas heard her. Her body shaking, maybe from the frigid Canadian nights and her thin tracksuit. Or maybe it was the anxiety flowing through every ounce of her body as she continued to knock.

drew had alot on his mind, to say the least. he had just gotten back from edmonton a few hours prior, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. he didn’t have any more emotions to give for the night, was both physically and emotionally exhausted. he figured he’d talk to both omar and audra about alex the following day, and see if there was anything they could do to reunite the siblings. figuring that he could at least eat a bowl of cereal, being that he hadn't eaten anything all day, he started making his way down the steps and towards the kitchen.

it's only a few seconds later, that he hears the gentle knocks against the glass, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion at who it could be, especially at this time at night. he makes his way over, moving the curtain to see the girl he’d been thinking about since he got home, amongst all the chaos. quickly, he unlocks the door, opens it, and pulls her in. “lia, what are you doing here?” he questions, not unhappy to see her. “you’re freezing,” he comments, pulling his nike jacket off and draping it around her petite shoulders. “come on,” he grabs her hand, and leads her up to his room, forgetting about what he'd initially went downstairs for. thankful that everyone else is asleep, he closes the door before making his way over to her and connecting their lips.

she saw his figure as he came downstairs, even in the barely there lighting she could tell it was him. she wasnt sure what to expect, the last time she had laid eyes on him she slapped him. but she didnt know what else to do at this stage, she had already spoken to Vanessa, put it out into the universe. drew was her best friend once, she should be able to just talk to him about it, she hoped anyway.

Her face lit up, not that she was aware, or if drew had even noticed. But the second her eyes landed on his face, you could see something in her perk up. even with the hostility she held towards the boy at the moment, he always held a special place in her heart and it felt nice to see him again. "I needed to talk to you," She spoke softly, her eyes meeting his for a second, "thank you," sliding her arms through the jacket and tugging it around her petite frame. her eyes trail to their hands, a soft smile on her lips as she followed him to his room. Taking the brief second to look around before his lips were on hers. Almost forgetting the reason she came as she melted into it. A few minutes into the heated makeout session, it was like a spark in Lia as she pushed Drew away, "No, we need to talk," She spoke sharply, as if realizing she had made a mistake or something. She hadnt meant to come and hook up with Drew, that had been the furthest thing from her mind. "Plus someone said he wasnt good for me," She spoke with a pointed tone as she sat on his bed, tucking her legs into a pretzel shape.

the brunette had been trying to make sense of his thoughts about the girl he’d been trying to avoid for the past week. trying to decide if they had done the right thing that memorable night, if they ruined their friendship, in the right way or wrong. it was clear that the thought of her hadn’t left his mind, the feel of her lip gloss against his lips, how something as simple as her touch made him fill with warmth, the way her eyes shined when he made her laugh or smile. he’s not sure exactly what this entails, but there’s some part of him that’s kicking himself for not having seen this before. how was it possible that amelia rosenburg had been there all this time, and he was only now noticing how great she really was.

and suddenly he's so glad that she’s here. not even just for sex, now having noticed just how hard it was to stay away from her. wanting to text her every time he heard a funny joke, or came up with an idea for their next scheme, or just wanting to hear about her day. — and still, he liked her enough to keep his distance, she deserved far more than he could give her, everyone did. “i’m all ears,” he says once they're in the room. lips moving along with hers in sync, tongue slipping into her mouth, until suddenly she pulls away. still wanting to be near to her, he sits down beside her, and pulls her soft hand back into his, bringing her closer. “i think we’ve established that i’m an idiot,” he grins, before letting out a sigh, “but i’m not, good for you. still i have something to tell you,” he gazes into her eyes, “i wasn’t at a motel fucking some girl, i was… looking for my birth mom. she-” still has great difficulty uttering the words, and yet he swallows and tries again. “she overdosed about three months ago, and she left because she never wanted me,” hold backs the pain that washes over him, but can’t stop his jaw from clenching. “i thought about her for years, and she just didn't want me” the words fall from his lips slowly, taking it all in.

while lias feelings hadnt stayed the same about drew the whole friendship, she knew for certain he was a staple in her life. sophomore year lia wouldve been more than ecstatic to find out what had transpired between the teens. her feelings for the male at an all time high, something had been telling her that he had felt the same back then. only to find out he was with her cousin, and she was happy for them. but there was something about how easily he made things feel okay. made her feel happy with a simple text, if something happened in her day her first instinct was to send him a long snapchat about it.  spamming him with memes on hastygram, the little things they did for eachother. but now, things had changed, and all the feelings she pushed down, pushed away because she knew their happiness was important. they came bubbling up, the only thing circling her mind being drew torres, and what a lovely thought it was.

finding herself in his room, the air thick with several emotions, each more unknown than the last. but it felt okay, felt right to be there with him. suddenly realizing how much she needed him, he made the little things important. he knew her little quirks and habits, if there was a dog he had to point it out if she hadnt seen it already, so she could go pet it, and he became her photographer for it. he knew her coffee order like it was nothing, if they went out to eat he knew her order, knowing to get the tomatos out of all burgers or salads. he paid attention to the details, and it made lia feel cared for. by someone in her life, for something other than her body or connections. Shifting closer to the male, her hand wrapping around his,"Youve always been an idiot," she joked, shaking her head lightly, before resting it on his shoulder, "Youre great for me Drew, why cant you understand that?" She spoke softly, lifting her head as she turned to face him. Meeting his gaze, her thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of his hand as he spoke.

She listened as he spoke, letting him get out what he needed to. But she also didnt know what to say, she hadnt expected the words that had fallen from his lips. "Im sorry you had to find out the way you did, I cant even begin to imagine how that feels. Nor will I pretend to know how youre feeling right now," She spoke, knowing that would never be enough for him to hear. shuffling herself closer, wrapping herself around him in a hug. "But with that being said," She began, taking a deep breath, "Im sorry that she choose drugs over an amazing man with a heart of gold. Someone who looks for the best in people, and just wants to grow and become better. I know you dont see it, you see the bad. But god Drew, there is so much good," She spoke, glancing up to meet his gaze as she spoke. "Its her fault for choosing not to be a part of your life, her fault for choosing the substances over you. You can not put any blame on yourself baby, none of it is your fault," She spoke, not sure if he had even felt that way, but it felt right to say.

drew knew that this situation wasn’t the best, him having dated her cousin only a year earlier. had fallen in love quickly amongst the many late nights staying up on the phone, the many days spent either hanging with their larger group of friends or interesting dates, and getting to know each other’s each and every detail. it was unbelievable to think that just a few months ago, drew was venting to lia about tori’s all but expected disappearing act. they quickly become closer than they had when tori was present, drew often hanging out with lia when his thoughts became too much. and in those moments, although he hadn’t really noticed it, he stared to pick up on her details. not really giving it a second thought, he placed her on the same shelf that vanessa and becky were on, chalking her up as another best friend. now that things had drastically changed between them, he indeed knew it was messy to be romantically involved with both cousins, even more so them being as close as they are, and degrassi would have a field day when they catch wind of what’s been going on behind closed doors. but he can’t find himself to care, at least not enough to fully walk away. to put an end to whatever it is that they have going on, and tell her it couldn’t go any further, hoping things could go back to how they were. she’d been his rock all along. loyal and sweet and always there for him, wanting nothing in return but his company.

he grins at her remark, knowing that in a sense, she’s never really viewed him as an idiot, at least not the way he’s been labeled his whole life. finds solace under her touch. he shakes her head at her words, although some part of him wants to believe her. to believe that he’d do anybody good. but god, he ruins everything he touches. “because i’m not, lia,” he remarks, “i'm not as smart as the other guys. i mess up. i always say or do the wrong thing. you’re better off”

he finishes, holds his emotions in as well as he can, has already told himself that he wouldn’t drop another tear. and he draws a breath, and allows her to comfort him. doesn’t shy away or tell her that she’s wrong, just leans into her embrace, and lets her words sink in, having already shown her his vulnerability. can’t help the pull at his heart strings as she talks further, silently wondering what it was he'd done to get someone like her in his life. many girls have talked drew up, seeing only his features — sharp cheekbones, electric blue eyes, handsome face, and the rebellious personality to match. nothing any of them have ever said has effected him in the way she had right now, only speaking with raw emotion, her eyes telling it all. he cups her right cheek, slowly leaning in and giving her a kiss full of passion, not even attempting to slip his tongue in, more concerned with her getting a feel for the emotions he has stored for her. pulling away, he removes his hand. “thank you,” he smiles, weakly, but still there. “for everything. you’re seriously amazing,” he compliments. his mind going back to her initial statement, recalling the faint urgency in her voice as she pulled away from the first kiss he brought upon her lips. knows when something’s bothering her and is intrigued on what it is she has to tell him. “now, what did you need to tell me?” curiosity shining in blue hues.

it seemed like the world had been moving in fast forward the past couple of months, between the closest females in her life both leaving and coming back, her connection to both luke and drew growing over the course of them. while Luke would always hold a part of Lias heart, since they spent day in and day out with one another, drew captivated her. she just wanted to know if he was ok, that he felt cared for and wanted, chalking it up to being a good friend. But she also found herself wanting to just spend time with Drew, even if they were sat in silence, his presence was enough to make the dark seem light in her insane life. And maybe she knew there was always a thought in the back of her mind, the idea of something more. And if you were to tell her this time last year, that she'd find herself wrapped around Drew Torres  going to tell him she was pregnant, she'd label you as crazy.

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Im not as smart as the other girls, i tend to become a bitch if I dont get my way, i use money as a means of happiness when its not. My list could go on and on drew," She spoke, "We all have our issues, our flaws that we look in the mirror and point out. Or say to ourselves with that little voice. And I will be here to show you how amazing you are when it gets to loud," A smile sent his way, "I couldnt begin to imagine life without you Torres, so please dont try and leave it,"

his touch felt gentle on her skin, different than the other moments between them. this was something different, there was something laced in the kiss between both parties. but she still found herself sinking into it, feeling on top of the world at the feeling she got. something telling her everything would be ok. "I wouldnt say amazing, but ill always be here," A small shrug, before her eyes trained to a spot on the floor. Slowly unraveling herself from Drew, as she thought of what to say. Partially because through Drew unloading his story, she had semi forgotten why she had came there in the first place. How do you tell someone youre pregnant? Let alone the last person you ever thought would be in the position with you, and had just informed you of his own family problems, that he didnt need added to. Her fingers pulling and spinning the ring sat on her hand, her gaze unwavering from the pile of clothes sat on his floor. "Um," she began lightly, "I wasnt feeling all that well, and I had realized I missed my period," her fidgeting becoming faster as her mind worked over the words. Admitting them to Vanessa was different, vastly different than telling Drew. She glanced up briefly meeting his eyes before her gaze fell back to the floor, "So I headed to the little corner store from my place," A deep breath as she quietly, almost silently spoke, "The test came back positive drew,"

it was no secret that ever since he stepped foot, or wheel rather, back in toronto, his mind couldn’t find anything good to focus on. in the span of one night, he’d uncovered the reason his mother had left, uncovered that she had given up both her children, that he had a sister he’s never known about that was fifteen years old, adopted, and didn’t have a clue about her dysfunctional family, and the fact that he’d never receive the closure he’d been needing for so long. only having the words of her former boyfriend to go by. he hadn’t really expected to talk about it with anyone, forcing it down, and having the mindset of just going numb, avoiding the thoughts at all costs. and yet, found himself venting to lia the first chance he gets. something about her had always been so comforting, so understanding, and drew doesn’t think he could have felt better about opening up to anyone else. another part of him wanting her to know that she’s the only girl he’s been with sexually for weeks, hell, he hasn’t even been entertaining other girls, unread messages from his usual conquests building up in his phone.

as he hears her start to list her flaws, he frowns a bit, knowing that she’s only doing it because he had, to prove a point. but he can't help but hope she gives herself a little more credit than that. “i happen to think you’re perfect,” he comments, letting her continue, until there’s a bright smile on his face. realizing that in all of this mess, all of the bad thoughts, and words he hadn’t meant, and just attempting to dodge her in general had hurt her. the expression of pure sadness that flashed across her face when he pushed her away at the party, the smack she’d given him at school, he’d been stupid to think that it would last long, stupid to have ever started it. “i’m sorry,” he gets out, “for acting like an ass and pushing you away, you deserve better than that, and i want you in my life too” he gives her a charming smile, although his eyes shine with honesty.

this would be the fifth time he had been rendered speechless. the anticipation of what would end up leaving her lips, what happened to be so important that she’d made her way here in the middle of the night, a quarter to midnight. with it being so late, he feels she should just stay the night. audra had the day off tomorrow, and with his luck, she slept in till the afternoon, giving the two enough time to come up with the story that she’d come over earlier in the morning if she was still here by then. as lia moves away, drew can’t help the furrow of his eyebrows, and the assumption that whatever it was she’d say wouldn’t be something small. takes note of her timid actions, the way she doesn’t meet his eyes as she talks. and then the words ‘missed period’ sets an alarm off in his head. his eyes widening, along with the beat of his heart, as she continues. stops himself from asking ‘and?’ allowing her to go at his own pace. and his mind flashes back to that night, the rush of it all, the sensual touches, heavy breathing, and the lack of condom, as he spread her legs and lined himself up. too eager to feel all of her, he hadn’t even given it a second thought. and suddenly she’s saying the words he anticipated, and even though he had a feeling where this was going, it still catches him completely off guard. “i–” he starts, doesn’t finish, runs a hand through his hair, as he processes all of the information. “woah,” he breathes out, the words repeating in his mind over and over on a loop. meeting her eyes, he glances over her, can’t stop his eyes from trailing over her stomach. “it–it’s okay, are you okay? do you need some water, or some ice cream? cause i can run to the store,” he's rambling a mile a minute, still in partial shock.

Everything was easier with Drew around, she didnt have to act a certain way or put up any defensive barriers. she had never been one to open up to a lot of people and tell them her thoughts and feelings. let alone on a consistent basis if she did, choosing to pretend that everything was find and that she didnt have any. but with drew she would just talk about things, whatever came to mind she would share with him. knowing he would listen, maybe make a stupid comment, but hed listen. that was what she needed for so long, just someone to listen to her and show her she was cared for. that was part of what Drew did for her, made the dark seem a little lighter. she had felt herself pulling from the other guys in her life, even Luke who she had finally got where she thought she wanted him. but she found herself wanting drew, in more ways than one. but she didnt know how to articulate that to him, to explain what she wanted from whatever it was they had been doing.

"Perfect may be a bit of a stretch," she chuckled, "But go on," She teased, a matching smile coming to her face. she hated admitting her weaknesses, and when she couldnt hide her emotions from Drew at the party it was like a part of her exterior cracked. the walls she had formed between the two had been broken, and she realized she was back in love with him, or the idea of him for now. she didnt like the idea of a life without him in it, and hated feeling like she was disposable from his life. She didnt enjoy slapping him at school, but the petty bitch in her had taken over, and she was putting the walls back up piece by piece. hoping it wouldve helped her feel better, to work through what was happening, but it didnt. "I dont know why you did it, but Im sure you had your reasons," She shrugged, "But dont think Im gonna let it fly again. You are stuck with me Torres, learn to deal with it," She spoke, a smile spreading across her features as she sent a wink his way.

She didnt know how he would react, expecting anger, or confusion. maybe some accusations or denial. she wasnt positive if they had used a condom or not, she didnt remember seeing a single wrapper around the hotel room. and she sure hadnt brought any on their spontaneous trip, and she didnt think drew had either. when she saw the word pregnant on the stick, her world shifted. but she could remember the night clear as day, every touch, every breath, every word, and even the moment she felt him skin to skin in the most intimate way. she was nervous for his reaction, glancing at him with watchful eyes as he processed it. her hand running through her hair with a sigh, waiting for him to say something, put her at ease somehow. but she didnt expect him to ask her about food, her brows scrunching together as she looked up at him,"I...why would I want food? its damn near midnight?" She spoke, shaking her head, "Im like a couple weeks at best, there is no way im out here craving ice cream already dumbass," She spoke with an eye roll, a teasing tone on her voice however, as a smile played at her lips. "But thank you, the effort is appreciated and not unnoticed,"

it wasn’t difficult to see that drew had a lot on his plate, his eyes didn’t have that same spark it always had, he hadn’t been able to focus in his classes despite the fact that clare was definitely a huge help and he’d been showing improvement the week before. every time he closed his eyes, he seen rocky’s face, his cheeks upwards in glee, his heartwarming giggle, the way his face lit up when he would bring him some toys or pizza. and now, it had only gotten worse, and he would see his mother’s grave as well. the white roses he’d laid before her tombstone, as he said both hello and goodbye the only chance he was given. it also wasn’t hard to see that being around lia in their small moments had managed to do him some good. finding himself forming a warm smile, or chuckling at one of her jokes, taking him out of the dark he’d lately gotten used to. it wasn’t unusual, them being friends for years, and drew finding it very easy to unwind around her. but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about them in a romantic dynamic, and he'd be lying even more if he said he didn’t consider it, taking their friendship to the next level, giving them a try to see where it leads, despite the backlash he knows he’ll receive for dating both cousins who consider the other as a best friend, the same cousin he assumes is soundly asleep in the guest room four doors down. but they’ve gone too far in to stop now, the way he sees it, it makes more sense to go for it, even if right now isn’t exactly the best time. perhaps he’ll wait, doesn’t want to have to hide around the beginning of their relationship if they do decide to make something out of it, wait until all of the chaos simmers down, before he makes any big decisions. and yet, he can't stop the part of him that yearns to kiss her whenever she’s nearby and the scent of her perfume clouds his thoughts.

“it definitely isn’t,” he counters, can’t help how easy it is to play along with her words. and he’s only now noticing that she doesn’t have to try too hard when the roles are reversed either. he accepts her request, eyes locked on hers. “you're gorgeous, and you're smart whether it’s street or book wise, you always go out of your way to help your friends, you’re fun as hell, and i haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days.” the surprise on his face is evident, not meaning to actually voice the last part, but it’s too late to take it back now. he had always found lia attractive, and now that he thought back, he never considered her a sister figure like he had with maya or vanessa. finds it ironic that a year ago, he was lifting her chin up to remind her how great she was, and to not forget it, had a boy she was interested in not felt the same way back. now he was lifting her chin to place his lips on hers. oh, how the times have changed. bites his lower lip, doesn’t want to repeat his reasons, knows that it’s no good now, since he can’t seem to let go. “what, are you gonna smack me again? cause that was kind of hot” he smirks, sending her the wink right back.

he's not certain if there’s a set reaction for this, a right or wrong. he does however know that his lack of words isn’t exactly comforting, and when he does manage to find words, he’s not exactly proud of them either.  but god, he’s trying his best. hadn’t really expected to have this conversation, but isn't at all making it out to be negative, despite their mess of a situation. he’s not even thinking of it long term, his mind trying to grasp it fully, but he's got too many thoughts, making it difficult to focus on one. he mentally face palms, as his right hand goes to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “yeah, that was pretty dumb, wasn’t it?” he asks, evidently embarrassed. he lets out a breath, taking her hand in his, and making sure he has her full attention. “but it’s gonna be okay, i’m here for you…always.” he reassures, “i’ll take care of you and the baby, whatever you decide.” he kisses her cheek, bringing her onto his lap. “stay with me here tonight?” he pleads, as his hand hesitantly hovers over her stomach, his mind trying to imagine a human growing inside. “and we can set up a doctor’s appointment one of these upcoming days. it’s going to be alright, baby. it’s all going to be okay.” he repeats, kissing against her hair. he's not sure if he believes it himself, but he can only imagine how she feels and he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to make her feel at ease.

For as long as she could remember, Lia had problems expressing her feelings to others, even if they were good ones. Her parents would always brush her off or give her a, that’s wonderful sweetie, even when she was a toddler, crying in the doorway, her stuffed dolphin held firmly in her grasp. If she went to her siblings, they werent accepting of her feelings, her being the youngest she didnt have nearly as much to deal with. That she was a kid and they wouldnt last, over within ten minutes. But that all stuck with Lia as she got older, forming her connections in the world. Tori being the main person she could find herself getting lost in conversation with, going over all the details on certain topics. And then Drew came into her life, and she had another person to talk to, someone that made it easy to talk to. But anyone with two eyes could see how easily the two souls fit together, how simple it was for the two to just exist. Lia had known from a young age she thought of Drew as more of a friend. She remembered distinctly the day she realized she saw him differently, as someone she could see herself with romantically. It had been a rough day for her at her house, a fight with her parents having broken out once again, and Lia needed out. A text to Drew was sent, and within seconds he replied and they agreed to meet at the park. It was midnight. She had never experienced someone caring enough to risk their own ass just to make sure she was ok, and they were barely friends then. But it solidified Drew into her heart, and the feelings she once held were back in full force. But she wasnt gonna ruin what they had, she wasnt gonna let herself ruin the one good thing going for her, even if it wasnt entirely what she wanted. But the part of her that wanted nothing more than to be held and kissed by Drew was thriving, and loved every second of their life. She was scared for the future, with her feelings, but she was prepared to let Drew have them if he wanted them.

A shy smile broke across her face, his eyes filled with such honesty she couldnt help the blush that was rising to her face at his words. Her eyes widening slightly at the end of his statement, taking in the look of shock on his face, but his eyes still held with honestly, and a little something else that she couldnt place. “That makes two of us,” She spoke softly, biting her lip. “You remember that guy I was complaining about breaking my heart last year?” She questioned, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke. A surge of confidence flowing through her, even if for a brief moment she let herself believe that he felt the same. Smiling into the soft kiss he gave her, her hand resting on his leg. Simply needing to just touch him. “Well if someone didnt try and do stupid shit maybe I wouldnt have to,” She chuckled, “Glad to know Im hot when im angry,” a small shrug with a smirk on her lips.

She let him go at his own pace, contemplating just laying down while she waited, but decided against that. She knew he was trying, and that was all she could ask. The thoughts going through her head were impossible to process, she couldnt imagine being the one to have gotten the girl pregnant. “It wasnt dumb,” she spoke with a small head shake, “Its cute,” A small smile on her face, her eyes glancing at their hands before looking at him. Her eyes tearing up at his words, never having heard them with such sincerity before. Allowing herself to be brought into Drews lap, breathing in his scent, her body instantly relaxing into his. Realizing just how tired she was, having barely slept for the past week. Between worrying about Drew and her fight with Tori, and now this pregnancy. She needed a good nights rest. “I know you will baby,” A whisper as she kissed the base of his neck softly, “I want nothing more than to wake up in your arms tomorrow,” her sleep deprived brain not even processing her words. Her eyes glancing down to his hand. Softly pressing it against her stomach, her hand resting against his as her eyes futtered shut. Listening to him speak, and nodding along softly with his words, “Youre here,” She spoke, “You didnt push me away, or yell at me. Or accuse me of anything. Thats more than enough for me,”

he recalls his first time seeing her, the memory still being so vivid, despite the years that have passed by. she was degrassi’s new student and from what he heard, she was turning heads and had most of the student body doing double takes. he'd seen her in the midst of meeting the coach to talk about his slip up in grades, knowing that he would be able to persuade him easily since his latest grade point average weren’t too much lower than the required minimum. and when he finally spotted her in the hallways, he’d understood what all the fuss was about. he hadn’t been the type to stare, at least not too noticeably, but he just couldn’t look away. she was pretty, gorgeous even, and the outfit she was wearing only made her all the more alluring. the skirt she had on wasn't too short, but he remembers trailing up and down her legs. remembers that he had to turn himself away, had to remind himself what he even was walking this way for, having lost all train of thought. and by lunch time, he’d spotted her out of the crowd with a quickness. dallas settling down, tray in hand, following his gaze. remembers his eyes scrunching up in confusion when dallas tells him to not waste his time. and minutes later, it all makes sense when tori and vanessa come to the table, new girl following behind, and tori introduces everyone to her cousin who’d just transferred. he recalls the visible shock that seeps past his face, before he smiles, greets her, invites her to their table for the long run, and pulls tori into his lap, pecking her on the cheek. by the end of the week, they'd all made friends with the girl, and it was as if she’d been apart of the group all along. no signs of awkwardness or hesitation among the group. drew pushing the two second interest and attraction he'd developed for her to the back of his mind, until it was completely gone. and now he wonders, if it ever really left, or if he knew to just not act on them.

that makes two of us. doesn’t stop the smile that stretches across his face, the breath that emits out in relief. he’d only had a half theory that she reciprocated the feelings, but now that he knows he hadn’t been in the wrong whenever the thought of her passed his mind, he’s not so doubtful anymore about asking her to be his girlfriend. yet, he still doesn’t think tonight's the best time, not when there’s so much to process. his eyebrows furrow a bit, “yeah? the idiot who couldn’t see what was right in front of him? what about him?” he questions, eyes looking intently into hers, before he smirks along with her. “oh, hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. you’re sexy when you’re angry” he chuckles softly, not wanting any of the household’s other occupants to hear him.

he knows that everything has changed tonight, just like it had the night they’d let themselves act on their feelings, cross faded no doubt, but cross faded on each other. every touch from the other, feeling like another shot or another hit of the blunt. he smiles at her, reveling in the fact that she didn’t think he was the idiot he was convinced he was. she’d never thought he was dumb, in fact, or at least she never mentioned it. it was the small things like that he appreciated the most about her. the reason he’d always come running whenever she needed. “you’re cute,” he counters, as she settles in his lap, and he feels at ease. resting his head on hers, something about the way they just fit, making him fill with warmth. everything between them right now felt so gentle, filled with emotions instead of their usual sensual touches, hot and needy, and still he feels the fire, albeit a different kind, under his skin as she kisses him softly on the neck. and when she grabs his hand, and leads it to her stomach, laying hers atop, he knows they can get through this together. knows that he wants to try. “of course i’m here, you’re,” he corrects himself, “the both of you are all i need right now” and maybe he’s tired, exhausted even, but he can’t help the smile that spreads at the thought of a little family. he stands, holding her up, and gently laying her down on the bed. “let me get you something to wear so you can be comfortable, and i can put on netflix,” he says, as he makes his way to one of the drawers, getting one of his long t-shirts he knows will cover most of her body, and smiles at the thought. he doesn’t really plan on watching the movie or show, more-so planning on it being background sound while they cuddle. he turns the light off, before making his way back to the bed, and handing her the remote, letting her choose.

she remembers all the distinct moments in their relationship. The first look, their first time talking, the first time she called him because she just wanted to talk, and the list goes on. he made an impression on her, the first time she walked the halls of degrassi. She had just transferred to the school, asking her parents after her assault, begging to be closer to her cousin. she needed to get away from the places and people she had surrounded herself with. finally making the move, she was excited, ready to meet new people and create a new name for herself. walking in, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked, a small smirk on her face as she saw the looks she received. always relishing in the attention she received, even if it wasnt good attention. she spotted drew before he had spotted her, spotting him as she came around the corner. standing by his locker with who she'd later learn were Dallas, Luke, and Dave. A wide smile on his face as he threw his head back in laughter. she remembered finding his smile beautiful, one of the ones you just always wanted to seen plastered on their face. but she didnt learn his name, didnt approach the group. instead continued watching from afar as she went to her locker, a smirk on her face when she saw drew watching her, the way he had to pause to think about his actions. and she certainly remembered the small twinge of jealousy she felt when she watched him pull her cousin on his lap when she had finally learned his name. but they clicked, she meshed with the whole group, creating a close bond with all of them. Drew being a stronger one than the others, and her feelings growing as the days went on. until she was informed he had asked Tori out, and she felt her heart break, but had no right. neither party knew of her feelings for the boy, and she had to watch as they fell in love, a part of her kicking herself for never saying anything.

A matching smile spreads across her face, a sense of relaxation washing over her. He felt the same, she knew that by the smile. Where it was gonna go from there she wasnt sure, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his, to be able to call him hers, and she hoped that was what he wanted at the end of this. Even if not right now, at least when they were both ready, or felt ready to go public given the backlash they were already facing. But her head couldnt stop swarming with the idea of being with Drew, in all aspects of life, and the smile kept growing. Before chuckling lightly, raising a brow at the raven haired boy across from her, “The idiot had fallen for my cousin,” She spoke, biting her lip softly, “But he was a sweetheart about the situation, not knowing who I was upset about, just being there for me anyway,” She shrugged, “Pretty cool guy,” Rolling her eyes playfully at his words, “Youd love to see me jealous then,”

in that moment, she knew that everything was okay. While everything changed, even more than they're cross faded escapade. it felt different, something washed over the both of them that night, and it wasnt going away anytime soon. while they're usual antics were rushed, and sexual. a fire in them both, just from a look. and her body still felt on fire, but it was different. she felt loved, safe, and secure. something she had never felt before, it was new for her, scary even. but Drew made it all seem okay, made every little thing better.  it gave her a sense of comfort, knowing that at a single text or call Drew would be there. in whatever shape or form he could fathom, she knew he would be. "we're both cute," she spoke with a small giggle, almost like she was a little kid with her crush again. a soft smile at his words, "the both of us," she repeated, feeling them fall off her tongue. the words still felt foreign. but it felt right in a way, being there with Drew, and talking about it. about a family, even if its not right now, she knew a family with Drew was in her future, somehow someway, she just felt it. she allows herself to be placed on the bed, a smile as she watches him before she slips from her track suit. immediately slipping the shirt over her head, slipping under the blanket, curling up into it. taking the remote and putting on shameless, more so for background noise, and if she did want to pay attention she wouldn't be lost. turning back towards Drew, a small smile on her face as she curled into him. her head on his chest, one of her legs stretching over his own. "thank you for being so great. I dont know what I did to deserve you, but I'm forever grateful."

there were evident bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten the past few nights. too much tossing and turning and contemplating the new information he’d gotten out of the tragic loss. was he even able to cry? to miss a touch that he couldn’t place. was it selfish? to mourn someone you didn’t really know. to mourn a loss you didn’t really take. at least, not in the way others had. he’d spent many a night turning on netflix, hoping to get some type of distraction, only for the appeal to fade, and the gears in his head would be at work again. he turned to weed, opening the window and spraying a huge amount of cologne, hoping the smell hadn’t left his room, and even then, it only made him think of it more. the thoughts never leaving, and he knows if he knew now would he hadn’t then, he would of stayed home and saved himself the heartache. he even thought to reach out to the other teenagers in the house, but decided against it, talking about it, made it real and he couldn’t relive it. couldn’t get through all of the details, scared that once he started, he’d never stop. there's a part of him that knows him telling her what he had, wasn’t enough to ease the pain, and he was still very much holding it all in, the pain will eventually build up, and drew will have no choice but to let it consume him. it’s inevitable. but she was here, and he was laughing and smiling, and that was as much as a fix he could ask for tonight.

he recalls the upset look on her face, having come to pick her up from her parent’s house, at an hour that audra would definitely not have been happy with, but he’d heard the tone of her voice, and it took all of three minutes to slip on a jacket, grab his car keys, and head out to the car. he remembers taking her to the park, him finding any way he could to make her laugh, as they sat on the swings, him giving her a push every now and again. and as the wind picked up, and it got later, he finally asked her what was bothering her, despite it being on his mind the whole time. remembers holding her hands in his face, telling her to never cry over a boy, especially not one who was dumb enough to let her pass by, his voice comforting and friendly, as he tells her all of her good qualities and that anyone who didn't see that wasn’t worth it. now that he was back in the room, and she'd said what she had, he was slowly connecting the dots. ”it was me?” his eyes widen only a little, as he thinks back to all of the times it'd just been the three of them hanging out, the others having something to do. and suddenly, he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. feels bad about all of the times they’ve kissed or hugged or any form of affection in front of her. but there’s a hint of happiness there too, and he knows it’s wrong, but their situation isn’t exactly the most innocent anyways. “it was me,” he repeats, more of a statement this time, before he surges forward and pulls her into a passionate kiss, pulling back breathless. “aw damn, guess i’ll never get to see it, since you’re the only girl i’ve got my eyes on” lips curling into a smile.

“damn right,” drew smirks, “just imagine how cute our kid will be,” he jokes. it's all still new to him, but he's processing it, albeit only being told mere minutes ago. he knows they’ll be eighteen around the corner, and even though legally they were to be adults, everyone would still deem it irresponsible. and audra, he didn’t even want to imagine her reaction. but things weren’t all bad, perhaps he’s looking through rose colored glasses, but despite the bad timing, he could see the upsides. the football that was supposed to be rocky's sitting atop his dresser, and he feels hope, hope that if he has a son, or a daughter, he’s not picky, that they can share a bond just as strong. that he won’t be a failure of a parent. perhaps this baby will turn his whole life around, motivate him to become a better man. and as they lay against the sheets, him having slipped in beside her, so that he was on the outside, her closer to the wall, his arm drapes around her, as he chuckles at the intro of the show, only having seen a couple episodes, because she'd wanted to watch it. he slips his fingers through her locks, hoping that it’s relaxing her. “shh, there’s no one else i’d rather be with” he answers simply, “now get some sleep baby”

"it was you," she confirmed with a small nod, a soft smile playing her lips as she watched Drews face. The look of shock, then confusion, the brief flash of guilt that made her brows scrunch for a moment before a small giggle as she kissed him back. holding both sides of his face, a wide grin on her face and her eyes shining with nothing but love for the man sat before her. "our kid will be the cutest," she spoke, pushing all the negative thoughts out of her mind. her families reaction, the doctors appointments, the perception people would have on them as teen parents, all of it being shoved away as she found herself enamored with Drew. her body melting into his as her eyes closed, a soft kiss placed to his chest before she fell asleep, nothing but joy sitting on her mind for once.

the next morning

Dallas stood in the kitchen, waiting for the cheese to melt over the egg before moving it to the toast he had ready. Laughing along with what Adam was saying, both having already devoured two sandwiches before the third brother even awoke. "Im telling you his bitch ass has a hangover. Ill bet money on that shit," He spoke with a chuckle, placing the egg on the bread. "Imma go wake his ass up, and he better be grateful for this shit," Shaking his head, making sure to turn the stove off before leaving the kitchen. Plate in hand as he roamed the halls of the Torres' home humming softly to himself before he found himself in front of Drews door. Laying a small knock on the door before twisting the knob, his eyes widening at the sight of limbs wrapped around one another. Not getting a glance at the females face before he grabbed the football off the dresser, making sure to only hit Drew as he sent it towards the pair. "Yo Torres," He hissed out.

it wasn’t long before the brunette too fell asleep, albeit it was only after she had. wanting to make sure that she was fully at ease, her mind not swirling with thoughts, keeping her awake as he lay beside her, hands still at play in her hair. and when he finally relaxes, turns the tv off with the remote, the room now completely dark, he closes his eyes and lets slumber overtake him. 

and just like he expected, it’s one of the best rests he’s managed this past week. can’t recall when exactly it was that he'd fallen asleep, but he smiles when he wakes up, the sight of lia on his chest, her still asleep, and him still half asleep. he pulls her closer, before closing his eyes once more and easily drifting back to sleep. eyes shoot open quickly when he feels the sudden contact, mind not registering until he’s already sitting up in bed. and when he looks over to see a confused dallas with a plate of food in his hand, he sighs in relief. knows he has to explain, but finds this to be a breeze, rather than if omar or audra had walked in and seen them. ”long story, but i’ll definitely explain later” he breathes out, as he stands, only to walk towards dallas and take the plate that’s evidently for him. “thanks,” he looks over to lia, who stirred a bit in her sleep, and then back to dallas, “now, how fucked am i?

[gutsybitsies]

Not the same anon but I would love to hear about the beauty and the beast version. I feel this fandom has greatly failed in not doing a beauty and the beast au for zimbits and you know what's up!

*cracks knuckles* im not sure if i’ve posted this before but i’d been talking about it with @fabbittle a while back: 

OKAY SO the premise is the same as the amnesia one and it’s bitty living in a cottage in the woods and so one day he comes across this really injured beast/monster. the beast is jack under curse. when he turned, he was chased and hunted by his own royal guards and friends who didn’t recognize him, and chased out of his kingdom. he’s cursed to be a monster until someone falls in love with him, but alas, who can love a beast? 

someone with a weird fetish like bitty, obviously. he takes one look and he’s thirsty. like jack’s still humanoid, he’s still muscular, and he’s got a lot of fur. and bitty can tell that he’s probably some poor guy who got cursed into a what to him seemed like a magnificent sexy beefcake. so while bitty’s nursing jack back to health there were two trains of thoughts in the cottage. the one that belongs to jack is “i’m a monster and he is so kind, i cant believe i love him so much, but there is no way he will ever love me.” while bitty’s thoughts are kind of just “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck meeeeee.”

bitty tries everything to seduce jack. but jack’s not picking up the hints, just lamenting about his ugliness and how he’s unloveable. but eventually bitty does say the words “i love you, you big handsome goofball!!” and then jack glows and poof. he’s human again!!! 

and bitty’s a bit sad, because if jack was human again it meant that he’d have to go back home, just when the two of them got together. but jack actually said that he wanted to stay here with bitty, that he didn’t much like his old life anyway, and he loves bitty and he loves the town samwell and everyone who lived there. but one day, a while later, an old man rides into town. he’s tired, and hungry, and he says that he’s looking for his son. 

jack was honest with bitty. he told him about his old life, as crown prince of the kingdom, about a fiance he didn’t care for, about the anxiety that he had about living up to his father, about his fear of failure. it all came to ahead when he was cursed and no one had recognized him, and he’d truly became something unworthy and disgusting in their eyes. 

“do you miss your parents?” bitty had asked. 

“yes,” jack replied honestly. “but i think it’s better that they don’t have me as a son.” 

but here robert zimmermann was, cold and tired from his journey, asking for magical favors everywhere, trying to find his greatest pride. bitty knew that if he knew jack was here, robert would take him away and break the small comfortable life that they built up together.

“my saddle broke,” bob said at the inn. “do you know where i can fix it?” 

“Tailor John knows how to do leatherwork for saddles and does most of the work in the town for it, but he just left yesterday to go to his daughter’s wedding and won’t be back for two weeks,” the innkeeper replied, “but bitty’s husband also knows how to do a quick repair, should last you until you reach another town. hey, bitty!” 

“hey there Jim,” bitty says as he brings in the day’s bread into the inn. “did i hear anything about a broken saddle?” 

“yeah, guy needs a fix, you think your jack can do it?” 

“well he can certainly try, he’s busy fixing our chicken coop right now, a fox got in last night, but if you come over tomorrow at noon i’m sure he’ll take a look at it,” bitty replied, looking warily at the man who looks almost exactly like jack and who said he was looking for his son. 

jack and bob see each other the next day, and bob bursts into tears and hugs his son as he finally got him back.

“why haven’t you come back? is there anything wrong? what’s this i hear about you being married?” he looked cautiously through the window at bitty, who was shooing away a deer that came near their garden trying to nibble at their cabbage. 

“i was cursed, he helped me lift it, and i decided to stay. i’m sorry for not contacting you or maman sooner, but i don’t want to go back.” 

bob became stern, “jack, this is your responsibility. you can’t leave your kingdom helmless in the future when it needs you. a ship without a captain steers itself into the waves and drowns. i don’t know what kind of dreamland you’ve been imagining yourself to be in but you need to snap out of it.”

“i can’t leave bitty.”

“then bring him with you, set him up in the capital with the finest things as repayment for taking care of you. he’ll have a great life as your lover.”

“he’s not just my lover, he’s my husband.”

“….is he a knight?”

“no.”

“has he ever went on a quest to save a kingdom, or defeated a dragon? do you think he can even hold a sword? will he be able to intermingle with the court life? how will he have any kind of dignity in the eyes of anyone in our circle as a prince consort now and a king consort in the future? what, are you going to give him a fake title and a dukedom to force him to integrate into our lives?”

seeing that jack can’t argue back but wasnt changing his mind, bob tried for a softer approach. “jack, you can bring him back with us. let him get used to how things are, and then we’ll talk about it, okay?”

so the three of them go to the capital and bitty is enraptured by all the beautiful things there, but there’s a slight hiccup. he’s ignored by every single person. the court, being very sensitive to the king and queen’s wishes, snubbed him on basically all occasions. he was given quarters in a small room far away from jack, and even though jack told him to just stay in jack’s room he wasn’t able to see jack often because jack comes back later and tired. when they first arrived bob and alicia didn’t even bother introducing him to anyone as jack’s husband. 

jack introduces bitty to people, and in jack’s presence there would be stilted conversation that stops as soon as jack wasn’t there. he tries his best to get bitty situated, but he’s being inundated as it were by tasks and jobs and responsibilities that he has to pick up again. 

and bitty realizes what’s happening, that no one wanted them to be together so they’re forcing this war of attrition. it comes to a head after a month, when bitty just couldn’t take it anymore and breaks down. 

jack: let’s just elope. 

bitty: what? we can’t do that.

jack: …go back home and i’ll come get you when i convince my parents to stop playing this stupid game. i’ll much rather you be happy away from me than suffer by my side.

bitty reluctantly agrees, and goes back. he waits and waits for a message from jack or jack himself, but doesnt get anything until there’s news that the prince of the neighboring kingdom, jack zimmermann, is getting ready to be married. but he still waited, because maybe that’s just a rumor and jack would tell him if anything happened, and that’s when a knight walked up the path to his cottage. and asked him to approve of a divorce from jack so that his next marriage can be legal. 

enclosed was a letter in jack’s handwriting that basically said that he realized that it was impossible for him to change his parents mind and impossible to leave. and that he could be stubborn and bring bitty back no matter what but he knows that it would just make bitty miserable. he’s sorry that he couldn’t say this in person, but he knew that if he saw bitty he’ll never want to leave. 

bitty signs, and then shuts the door in the face of the knight without even offering him refreshments for his long journey. 

bitty: i know its selfish but i wish the curse on jack had never broke. he’d have never been found, he’ll still be mine. 

and then, miles and miles away, a roar erupted in a panicking room as prince jack zimmermann transformed painfully into a giant beast in front of everyone. his parents grow frantic trying to break the curse, but no one could do it. 

note: this is from a long time ago that i never finished so here’s the rough rough rough ending

basically more panicking from the royals and jack ups and leaves again and finds his way somewhere where he sees bitty again. they don’t get together quite yet but eventually they start talking more and jack apologizes. 

bitty: “i made a dumb stupid wish and i wish i can turn you back but i can’t i’m sorry” 

jack: “that’s okay. i think if i wasn’t still in love with you i wouldn’t have turned anyway. my parents love me, i know, but i could never live up to them. i would’ve never been good enough, might as well stay here and eat berries.”

they still don’t get together, until one day jack’s on a hunting trip and get’s lost in the winter and meets up with a bunch of kids who also got lost, and he saves them and eventually leads them home. they thank him a lot and and jack’s pretty content with himself, before going back to his hut. and bam human again -insert disney music- 

jack knocks on bitty’s door with some flowers in hand, all “i know you’ve always wanted to see the world, and now i can take you places. we don’t have to be together, but do you want to come with me?” 

and so they set off together and one day bitty looks at jack weaving a scarf for the winter and kisses him. 

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 15

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY LOSES THEIR SHIT ON MAIN:

“Tell her I said: fuck you, you miserable, conniving bitch. I don’t answer her summons. I don’t obey her orders. I’m through. I’m through with her, with all of you—”

THERE’S LORE, BUT IMPORTANTLY MURPHY REMEMBERS WHY THEY THINK CINDER’S HOT. LITERALLY.

already??? already??? yes, already. this chapter is called ‘nothing personal’ anmd i think that this is a lie. this is abt to get very personal very quickly.

It had taken two more days for Glynda’s soul to become bearable enough for Cinder to sit next to her on a bus.

out of the funniest lines they could have used to open the chapter up, this is just Peak. there’s so many moving parts to this. glynda’s rank soul. cinder having to be nice for TWO DAYS to make her chill out. the fact they’re taking the most menial form of transport of all time. oh my god they were sat beside each other. this is already so funny.

Gravity Dust glittered like volcanic glass.

👈😎👈 we sure love volcanoes around here huh

The clearing Cinder found was some twenty minutes from where she left Glynda with instructions for something salty for her.

im almost POSITIVE im not supposed to find these lines funny but cinder you are RADIATING salt you are COMPOSED ENTIRELY of salt please. you’ve asked for smthng salty and glynda’s gonna come back announcing she’s foiled all yr plans on accident again.

Mercury had stopped sending messages a month and a half ago. Emerald’s last one was a week old.

im almost definitely mentioned it in a prior liveblog but its worth remembering: cinder’s relationship w/ merc and em rly was the deciding factor in me suddenly loving her as a character and i just. every interaction they have hurts so good. cinders got TWO kids and even if her face says otherwise she loves them very much and that heals me on the inside

“There’s no way anyone knows about this island. We’re the only ones out here. Merc and I have to get his shitty frozen pizzas airshipped in.”

“Still. Be careful.” She paused for a moment. “...Is that all he’s eating?”

“You know he’d die before he ate a vegetable.”

“He will, at this rate.”

I LOVE U MOMMA CINDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is SO good. this section HEALS ME!!!!!!!! which is good because i have a feeling the rest of this will gore me alive

"I promise. At the end of all of this, I'm coming back and I'm not leaving again. Trust me."

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA god u cant tell thru text alone but this section is K I L L I N G me and H E A L I N G me and also KIL L I

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust,” Cinder said, miserably. “I need you to be safe.”

N G M E

The line between us and them had felt so concrete.

god i just. theres so much i still cant say that isnt 👈👈👈😨👈👈👈 but cinder and hati and all this other STUFF happening in the bg is so good and i just love how nuanced this dumbass is. cinder fall, the woman who never wins, and her brief moments of comfort. she is my ANGEEEEEEEEEEL

Now the only thing left was to deliver her to Atlas; if she had to speak with her more to do that, she would.

Not that she wanted to have to admit that to Hati.

cinder:there’s a lot of we and our going on and i’m a little nervous that the more we talk the more thats gonna happen and i gotta say; not a fan.

and [Glynda]’s desperate for—”

A heritage? A purpose? Belonging?

“She’s desperate,” Cinder finished, softly. Then: “She’s coming willingly.”

this might be another 👈😎👈 situation or im just drawing parallels like a three year old with a newfound ruler but HRM. CINDER. HRM.

Rather, her stomach twisted at the implications. Everything was ready. The machine worked. All that was left was to deliver the final piece.

“Okay. Good.” It was good. It was the culmination of years of work.

whats good and fun is watching cinder wrestle w/ her own humanity and its rly good because even as she tries her very best to use ppl to her own ends that pesky lil soft bitch inside makes her second guess everything and its GREAT fun. u can rly see that as soon as she spends longer than an allotted 10 minutes w/ somebody she starts being like ‘hrm. oh no’. oh cinder. u soft bitch. ilu.

The spot beneath his wing, though… Cinder folded into it as though it were meant for her, as though they were meant for each other, bodies fitted so easily. Here, safe, she closed her eyes and dreamed bleakly of the days to come.

i swear to god i cannot wait until [redacted] and [redacted] and [REDACTED] happens cause then i can lose my shit abt this ALL OVER AGAIN but for now. for now. immerse myself in cinder cuddles. im holding back but on the inside im feral

but Cinder was all calm, sliding through the trees like she belonged here. Like it was her domain by birthright.

FERAL.... FERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they were not friends, Glynda asked, “Where are we going?”

i love that glynda has to preface it like a reminder. because they were not friends. because she cannot trust winter. because she blocked oz’s number lmao. it’s great seeing how much more... clinical, i guess, glynda’s thoughts are, and it’s a great way to show the narratives differences? its GOOD is what im trying 2 say on main,

Instead, she complained, “It’s so difficult to be so wanted.”

firstly: i love cinder “i have a complaint” fall is secondly: i am going to read into this. i am going to read into this and divine a second meaning. i am reading into it.

Cinder emerged from the dark like a leviathan sloughing off a sunless sea. It rippled around her shoulders, swallowed the back of her skull, but the only sharpness to her was her smile. It was the first time Cinder had smiled since returning from her meeting with the Manticore.

oho. ohoohohohoooohohohooOUGHHOHOHO she hot. nasty mean lady big hott.

“You don’t scare me,” Glynda insisted.

“Silly you,” said Cinder. “Come on. I’ll lead.”

hohogughgohohoghgh f flirtign.......................,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

a faint light was stirring to life before her—suffusing out along Cinder’s chest and throat, spilling from her heart and out through her skin. In the beginning, it was so faint it seemed to be an illusion; but no, soon enough it was undeniable, and Glynda could even make out the rough shapes of the wall and floor.

YEEEEEEEEES i love. glowy lantern cinder. like theres a lot of fun little canons abt cinder in this fic i adore but the fact that she glows is like fuckin TOP. look at her. lil candle baby. shes like a microwave bean toy. i adore her.

She walked like a queen through her domain, seemingly irrespective of where on Remnant they were; even here, underground, in forgotten left-behind places, Cinder reigned.

god im sorry im too busy being gay to even be paying attention to anything rn i LOVE cinder to DEATH,,,,,,,,,, she knows shes the thing 2 be feared around here and its so good. i cant wait for her to open her big mouth and fuck it up again!!!

“High Leader Khan requires your presence in Mistral, Ms. Fall. She advises that you attend promptly, in order to discuss the missing members of our organization.”

A hum. Cinder said, “I don’t want to.”

GHSDFGSDFGHKJDF cinder you are. smthng else. shes just so LIKE THAT. what a great chapter for cinder this has been im SIPPIN baby

okay im doing a lot of leaping haead here and its not for lack of having anything 2 say in fact its QUITE the opposite because this whole bit is. wow. we got lore??? lore??? abt so many things??? what does any of it mean????? I AM NOT SURE BUT IM LOVIN IT (tm)

“It’s not a Semblance, idiot.” The control in Cinder’s voice was all staccato, pitching cold to inferno in an instant. “It was a gift.

okay bear with me for this JUICY LORE but i am Deeply fascinated by this section. im not gonna. say anything because idk how this is tying up yet (bear with) but HOO. HOOOOOOO. im trying to like keep grabbing sections but this whole part is SO GOOD i am loving-- like-- id have to-- TRUST ME THE OG WASNT AS SPICY AS THIS OKAY

THIS IS SO MUCH SPICER AND ITS GOOD

Cinder glowed like the magma heart of a volcano.

ITS SPICY ITS GOOD ITS 👈😍👈

im gonna have to reread this bit to get the full effect because the downside of a liveblog like this is having to stop-start but OUGHGHGHGUGHUGH THE LORE,,, THE MASKS,,, THE FANG??? also sienna dont listen 2 her baby i love u too

Cinder looked like a line to be crossed, and even though they weren’t friends—rather the opposite—Glynda found she didn’t want to cross her. Not now, when the emotion was still raw on her face.

oughgh... the vulnerability. cinder... snoft... but also angery 😔

this was SUCH a good chapter im DYING i love cinder in offal hunt to BITS and this arc is already feeding me so much good shit. fuck yea. FUCK YEA. HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

[drfeelgood-21]

The past 5 Years...

I feel like some of you should know where i have been these last 5 horrid years, and it took me a long time to actually come to terms with writing this post. But here we go      Back in 2013 i joined Tumblr,made friends, made posts, and learned about some amazing music. MY journey for Metal had just begun. Fast forward 2 years, Im now running a successful metal/rock blog with a side of whatever the fuck i like. I had many friends that i would chat with on the daily through Snap,Facebook, and kik. I was there for many of you as you were there for me. I graduated High school and had a job. I was going into College. My hometown Uni that I always dreamed of going to. I was excited and this sets forth the downfall of my life... Part 2: 2016 hits, Im still getting over the emotions of The Force Awakens (Star Wars FTW) Type O Negative grew on me hard, and i started a smoking addiction to cigars. My energy drink addiction mixed in with that. Full time college and a full time job were hell but i managed. My grades were great, the financial stress wasnt. I was Paying for Uni out of pocket and it lead to some hard times. May came along and well I found myself a girlfriend who ended up cheating on me. I partied hard with friends, got drunk, did some insane shit and even hosted a party with my bestfriend Scott that got over 200 people to show up.  The end of Summer approached and I found this bright eyed beautil woman named Natasha. I fell hard. The only issue was, i was her Manager and i told myself to not do it. Luckily for me i was already applying for new jobs and was picked up by a huge branded Franchise company so we started dating.....Little did i know at the time i was helping her cheat. Little did i know this was her game. We spent the next two years “In Love” by this it was a blind game of abuse and manipulation. She scarred me so bad that i thought i was a narcissistic asshole. She found out about my use of tumblr and made me delete it and take off every single friend of mine from here. One night she slapped my face to awaken me and ask who Emily was ( a friend from tumblr long ago) She was jealous of a message i had sent Emily back in 2015 ( this ould be a good time to mention its January 2017)   I didnt see abuse at all. I could only see me trying better every day for her, but she was never happy. She constantly needed sex, constantly needed love, amd had trouble not being with me. At the time i of course enjoyed it because i thought it was love. I ended up getting an apartment with her late 2017.. We lived together till June 2018....I broke up with her She cost me the following -Best friendship with Scott -Friendship with anyone i talked to on social media ( Alot of you) -My college career -She spiked my depression - Made me feel like i should kill myself -Connection with family members - Trust -Connection with others I know that this post will probably summon that anon that hit right after the break up but just Fuck off.    I was angry ,depressed, and really fucking suicidal, I got injured at work and couldnt move for 2 weeks. (Dislocated my knee) But when i got back to work, i got a message from an old friend who just used me for sex,  so that happened.. 2018 sucked except for starting to branch out into the local clubs. 2019 Though....That was the year of rebuild. Worked my ass off at work and on myself. Figured out a lot of stuff, made New Amazing friends. Started back up old friendships and got my own Duplex so life in 2019 wasnt bad but i will admit i was drinking through a lot of it. 2020 had a slow start. But in the end of January this one girl approached my friend group and asked if she could dance with us. Of course i said, and we actually spent the rest of the night all together and she attached herself to my best friend Amber.  We spent at least an hour talking about Emo bands and style, until she got picked up by a friend.     I had her snap though and decided to message her the next day and tell her it was great to meet you we should hang out again soon. I was Nervous, i hadnt done something like this for four years... When she said yes to hanging out again my heart skipped, It wasnt officially a date but it was interest. We hung out a couple more times and i know i told her i liked her the second time, but i started liking her when she said “ you’re making me break my stoic reputation”     February 1st the morning after we went out again, i asked her to be mine...It was fast but i really hadnt felt this way since 4 years ago....One things for sure though..every time im with her the feeling grows stronger even though i did shut myself down. Its jsut scary how comfortable i am around her because i feel so vulnerable and i dont know if its just me getting my trust back, but I do know that im in love with her. Shes beautiful in so many ways and helps me rediscover who i am..what I stand for. I wanted to tell her that i love her after a nice actual dinner date...I had it planned.. But this Covid bullshit made me rush it. I had to tell her before she visited her parents back home.... little did we know at the time that she would be back home sooner than expected. I was at work when her dad surprisingly picked her up and made her move back home to Quarantine from this fucking virus. I sure as hell felt numb reading the letter she left me.  These are weird and hard times, and its sucked this past week. I cant get my mind to shut off, im stressed, i go to work,  i take care of family. Im Feeling drained and exhausted, but one thought of her and it all goes away.. I miss her. I just want to see her and hold her. Today was probably the worst day ive had in a long time....Im not doing well but im back Tumblr , to all whom even care anymore. Thanks for sticking around