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[mrfurnitureae]

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[pigdemonart]

Battle Subway Depot Agents (by pig-demon)

When I made designs for these guys last year I didn’t really think they needed colored references/master post, but since then I’ve drawn them a lot! Also people have added them to their fanfics and drawn fanart! So I figured it was time I made a post for easy ref. :]

These designs are obviously free to use, just give credit (and link me your work if you're comfortable, because it makes me happy to see!) All I request is to stay respectful to their pronouns and skin colors, ya knooow… 👍 note: The pokemon on their cards are all companions, not the ones they use on the Battle Subway. Except Jackie...the litwicks are just there to fill space/give them company.

More info under cut:

Edit: Important disclaimer:

These are again my designs/interpretations for the agents. Please don’t treat them as canon or as the only, quintessential designs for these literal background npcs. Many people have done takes on them before and after me, even back in 2010. It feels silly to ask, but due to past experience, I ask that you please DONT hunt down anyone that does a different take on the depot agents!! 👍

Tags:

I'm gonna start tagging them individually, but for now all Depot Agent comics and art on this blog are tagged under Depot Agents.

Height chart:

I’m not too strict about heights, so I don’t really care about actual measurements. Here’s an approximation of what I tend to visualize though:

Sexualities/Gender Identities: I don't have official labels for each and every agent because I like keeping things fluid for characters to develop these traits on their own. However, as a queer person, I enjoy designing characters who are also queer, therefore I can safely say none of these characters are straight. The ones who are set in stone are Ramses (gay man), Cloud (lesbian woman,) Jackie (non-binary.) Furze uses he/they pronouns but their gender is undetermined. I also welcome anyone giving the agents a different gender identity to suit them (as long as it's done respectfully.)

Notes about each agent...

Cameron:

- Cameron dyes parts of his hair blonde and keeps other parts in black. This is because he is a big fan of Elesa and her fashion choices.  - Though there have been a few occasions to meet his idol, he is always way too nervous to approach her, feeling deep down that he'll mess up somehow. - He practices modeling poses in secret. He loves flourishes and flare, but is simply too insecure to put it on display. - Of his coworkers, he gets along the best with Furze. He's the easiest to talk to because Furze will do most of the talking. - Cameron is easily intimidated — even mean Pokémon can make him nervous. Though, his two worst fears are being left in a room alone with Jackie, and being left alone in a room with Isadore. - He takes advantage of his height to sometimes hide behind some of his coworkers. - Cameron is much better at Pokémon battles than he gives himself credit for. Emmet and Ingo were pleasantly surprised by this, since Cameron was promoted to fit a temporary role on the Battle Subway. They happily made him a permanent member when he proved himself capable. - His Dwebble (Pebby) is secretly very strong, and rushes to protect Cameron when it can. Cam sometimes thinks Pebby helps him feel more confident in himself too.  - If he stumbled into any of his coworkers outside of work, he would simply explode of embarrassment. - He is the youngest child and only son of his family. He lives in his own apartment in Nimbasa.

Cloud:

- Cloud (like Ramses) knew the twins when they were very young. - She used to be an ace trainer in her youth, even going so far to compete in the Pokémon league. Winning and becoming the champ was the most important part of her journey, but something happened along the way that changed that outlook. - It seems with age, her competitiveness has mellowed out. However, she maintains an intense energy when battling.  - Her favorite types are Psychic and Flying types. Swoobat (Sweetie) is her ace.  - Her favorite hobby is baking, and she often bakes sweets for the crew. She knows all their favorite flavors by now! - She prioritizes keeping a friendly relationship with all her coworkers and thinks of them fondly. She considers Ramses family after all the years of working together!  - She is a big fan of Brycen's movies and can recite the lines. - She lives with her wife in Anville. - Cloud loves doing maintenance work both at home and in Gear Station. She enjoys bringing her own tools and industrial flashlight.

Furze:

- Furze only has one volume setting (mid loud,) but he finds himself feeling right at home when talking to either one of the twins. - Furze has ADHD, and this is reflected in some of his habits, most visibly is his fidgeting when sitting still for too long. - He rides a bike to work every day. When he is late, Cloud clocks in for him so he doesn't get in trouble. - This is a kind of a guy that sits crouched gargoyle style on chairs. Only outside of work, of course. Bad posture could get him in trouble. - While working on the Battle Subway, there will be times Furze feels sorry for his opponents and offers to quietly let them pass anyways. This...has also gotten him in trouble. :[ - He went to the same elementary school as Isadore in Castelia. Though Isadore seems to have forgotten their short-lived acquaintance, Furze has not. This is part of the reason Furze claims they are in fact good friends!!! - Furze is the middle child of a big family. He lives with his mom and takes care of her, along with his many Darumakas and Darmanitan. All of his Pokemon have famous trains names. - He collects model trains. Naturally.

Isadore

- Isadore had plans to become the station master the moment he was hired as a depot agent, but alas... (sad trumpet sound.) - As a youth, he was more interested in science and engineering over Pokemon battles. He enjoys the strategizing aspect, at most. Not so much the competitiveness. - In addition, his Pokemon are all rescues and not used for battling. He's had his Watchog (Winston) since he was in his late teens. - His Electrode (Gregor) and Voltorb (Leonard) were rescued from the likes of Team Plasma. - Isadore admits he understands Pokemon better than humans. This has been apparent his whole life. - In spite of acting like a sitcom villain, Isadore cares about the management of Gear Station and the safety of the passengers to an incredible degree. He sees it as a personal life goal to assist in the management of Gear Station, as well as the success of the Battle Subway. - Though it pained him to become a subordinate to the twins, he begrudgingly accepts it for the greater good. - His almost militant efficiency certainly made up for his years of antagonizing the twins before they became the bosses. Ingo and Emmet understand this better than anyone. - Isadore keeps tabs on all of the staff members. So he very well knows all their birthdays and makes it a point to celebrate it. This is by no means a -happy- or -festive- event. It's just customary. - Like Furze, he was originally from Castelia, but now resides in Nimbasa. Isadore's only family is his mom and she lives in his childhood home with their Stoutland. - Isadore would have probably been voiced by every glasses guy ever J. Michael Tatum had he not already been cast as dear Emmet lmao

Jackie

- Jackie is a mystery and they like keeping it that way. When they talk, it's practically impossible to determine what is a lie or truth, especially if the subject is themselves or their background. - They love scaring Cameron the most and will ask to be paired with him whenever possible. They claim Cameron is their "favorite coworker," while Isadore is the least favorite. - It's plain to see why -- Jackie is the only one that doesn't passively tolerate Isadore's tirades. - Though my comics sometimes may allude to Jackie being a ghost/supernatural, this is not confirmed nor canon. I just personally enjoy toying with the concept. : ) That being said...

- Item #: SCP 7453

- Object Class: Euclid

- Special Containment Procedures: The ████ ██████ is ██████ within ████-██████. - Ingo and Emmet choose to not question anything about Jackie, since it's clear they're one of the more efficient workers. However it can be a safety concern... - Cloud and Ramses have worked with Jackie for a long time, though they've forgotten somehow. They believe Jackie is a new hire since they appear to be young. - Anyone trying to make sense of Jackie's employee records simply can't bring themselves to any conclusions. It's better to ignore the inconsistencies. - Jackie has never been seen to leave Gear Station. Jackie has never been seen in anything but their uniform. Jackie has never been confirmed to eat, drink or blink. Jackie knows your secrets. Jackie thinks it's... amusing.

Ramses

- Ramses sometimes misses having a full head of hair, but he thinks his signs of age make him look distinguished. (he is correct.) - Ramses is sort of the "mom friend," making sure everyone's concerns are heard, as well as trying to keep the peace whenever a conflict might arise. - If another coworker is feeling low, Ramses will try to cheer them up with a lighthearted joke or offer advice if they'd like it. - When the twins were promoted to bosses of the Battle Subway, Ramses cried because he felt so proud. - In most circumstances, he is a very simple and logical man. He is quick to find solutions and tries not to fret over the little stuff. It's not good for his heart after all. - His ace is his Pikachu (Musa,) though the mouse is more of a lap pet now. At home, he also has an Audino (Sara) and a Manectric (Nubi) who keep Ramses' husband company. His Klinklang (Moli) is the only one of his personal pokemon that accompany him to work nowadays. - Ramses considers Cloud family. They are best friends and love having family gatherings outside of work. They also gossip a lot, and don't mind when Jackie decides to join. - Ramses jokes about looking forward to retirement, but really doesn't want to leave until he is physically incapable of working anymore. Gear Station is like a second home to him.

In-Game Quotes

The most important reference of all are their in-game quotes, of course, so I'm adding it to the post. A lot of their personality traits can be extracted and interpreted from these few lines. And I personally love that about Pokemon NPCs -- there's a lot of room to explore and play with. Some appear very obvious. Cameron practically announces that he isn't ready for the battle that's about to ensue and seems genuinely surprised to win. Furze comes out the gate talking about the subject they actually care about, which is their job and their love for trains. The two of them are very easy to understand. Now, Ramses lines allude to a gentle and simple personality. He views himself with humility, and maybe even with a bit of humor comparing himself to a train and to his opponent to a station. If he loses he shows no signs of disappointment, he just accepts defeat with one last honest quip. It s also amusing to see the Depot Agents all use train metaphors to describe themselves since it falls in line with how Ingo and Emmet talk.

In comparison, Cloud does the same thing calling herself the terminal instead. Immediately, she is way more daring, though still keeping a sense of professionalism. To me, it's obvious she is competitive as she even admits she was expecting to win ("Ah...I didn't see it coming.") Jackie's lines are fun since it's up to interpretation if they are being literal or lying. It's almost like they are more interested in confusing/creeping out their opponent than actually beating them. To me, it gives off a mischievous vibe. Isadore's opener "There are only two roads in life." is a curious one because it almost feels like he is trying to be philosophical. Definitely a guy who views himself as an intellectual, regardless if that’s true or not. I like to think it's a saying he really believes in, and it applies to his life. The road he likes (long route) vs the road he hates (shortcut) -- fighting tooth and nail to become boss vs biting his tongue and accepting Ingo and Emmet as the Subway Masters.

Those are just my thoughts on how I write these characters. Please have fun playing with these lines too!

[mercillery]

SUMMARY: Mihawk with a s/o that’s shy.

WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP

NOTES: Before my obsession with Black Clover, I was obsessed with One Piece. I miss that. 😞

A literal blessing from the heavens when it comes to your timidness.

While shyness may not typically win favor from others or even from yourself, Mihawk finds a unique comfort in your timid disposition. Your quiet presence, the subtle glow in your eyes when conversation shifts to a topic you're passionate about, and your hesitant yet endearing gestures—all these traits capture Mihawk's attention and affection. To him, your shyness isn't a flaw to be overcome but rather a part of your charm that he deeply appreciates.

He understands that you may feel overwhelmed in social situations, so he takes the lead when necessary, subtly guiding you through interactions with others. His subtle guidance is so skillfully executed that it goes unnoticed by everyone, maybe even you. With Mihawk by your side, the once daunting prospect of socializing transforms into a less stressful experience, maybe even fostering a sense of ease in your interactions with others.

Mihawk's mere presence serves as a soothing balm for your soul. He's a man of few words, speaking only when the situation demands it. Understanding your shy nature, he respects your need for silence and doesn't overwhelm you with unnecessary chatter. However, if you express a desire for more conversation, signaling your comfort in his company, he graciously obliges, opening the door to deeper interactions. But for the most part, quietude often accompanies your time together. It’s like there exists a profound connection, forged not through words but through the shared comfort of each other's presence.

While Mihawk tends to be slightly more protective of you due to your timid nature, he maintains a deep respect for your boundaries. He never pressures you into uncomfortable situations and intuitively gives you space when you need it. In fact, you probably don't even need to voice your discomfort. Mihawk's keen observational skills allow him to sense your unease almost instinctively. It may sound like an exaggeration, but his attentiveness is truly that acute!

Honestly, the only downside I can think of is that Mihawk is literally a wanted pirate, the strongest swordsman in the world, with a hefty bounty on his head. Despite this, he does his absolute best to keep you out of such perilous affairs. The last thing he wants is to endanger you by attracting the attention of marines or other pirates because of your association with him. In short, he strives to shield you from the dangers of his pirate life. Trust me, he does this out of love, knowing that his chaotic affairs isn’t something you could easily handle, especially since you’re shy and all.

If you're having one of those moments where making eye contact feels overwhelming, Mihawk has a simple yet thoughtful solution. He'll lend you his hat and angle it just right, ensuring that you either avoid making eye contact altogether or that no one else can see your eyes. Truly, I tell you, Mihawk is a lifesaver. 🙂‍↕️

Speaking of eye contact, you and Mihawk have developed a unique way of communicating silently when others are around. If someone says something weird or surprising, you exchange glances that speak volumes. It's as if your eyes are saying, "Are you hearing this too?" to each other. This silent exchange often goes unnoticed by others, which ends up becoming like a secret language between you and Mihawk.

This was so short I’m sorry 😔 I fear I have no more brain juice.

Overall, Mihawk proves to be an ideal partner for someone who is shy. He intuitively understands your needs, taking note of your discomforts and comforts without the need for verbal communication. His attentive nature ensures that he anticipates your needs before you even have to voice them!

[mountttmase]

Brave - Part One

Note - bit nervous uploading this one and it’s pretty long so let me know what you think 💙 part two can be found here 😌

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 9.6k

Warnings - mention of controlling relationship, angst, lots and lots of fluff

You were sat in your dining room, dressed up to the nines, waiting for your husband to get home from work. If you were doing this then you were doing it properly, wanting this version of yourself to be his last memory of you.

You slightly adjusted the neck on your tight black midi dress that you’d paired with the highest heels you could find in the back of your wardrobe. You could feel a chill on your left leg as the high slit up the side left you exposed but you ignored it as you loved the way it looked. Both things he didn’t know you owned as he would never approve of.

You looked fit for a funeral but it gave you the confidence boost you needed to get the job done.

He should be home any minute and you were so incredibly nervous about what you were about to do. You’d rehearsed what you wanted to say in your head a million times for months and you don’t know what it was about the last few days that was the final straw.

Your engagement and wedding ring sat together on the table in front of you, feeling free of the weight of them not just physically but also mentally. You chanced a look down at them, gazing at them for one last time before snapping your eyes up and getting back into the right head space. You didn’t need any distractions, wanting nothing to throw you so you could get out what you needed to say without an issue.

Before you could think of anything else, you heard his key in the lock and the door slamming shut moments later. You watched as he entered the room, swinging his bag onto the sofa haphazardly before his eyes locked onto yours.

‘What’s all this?’ He questioned with his brows furrowed. He hasn’t seen you looking like this for a long time and the sight no doubt confused him. Most of your days spent bare faced and only in clothes he approved of bar the rare occasions you had to be seen with him for a business dinner or an event where only perfection would do. ‘Are we supposed to be going somewhere I forgot about? You know I don’t like it when you wear all that guff on your face without a reason’ he scoffed, taking up the seat opposite from you.

‘I’m leaving you’

You spoke quietly but you sounded confident, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time. He let out a loud laugh but when he caught sight of your rings on the table he stopped and looked back up.

‘Oh, you’re serious’ he said, the smile on his face returning and it made your skin crawl. ‘Sure thing, babe’ he laughed again before going to stand, but the sound of you standing up from your chair kept him in is seat.

‘I’m serious. Don’t worry, in terms of the divorce I don’t want anything from you and I’ve only taken the things I bought with me.’

‘This is stupid’ he said with a shake of his head, his tone more serious now. ‘I’ll give it a week before you’re crawling back here begging for me back’ he snarled, an angry look on his face but you no longer felt afraid of him. ‘And it’s gonna take a lot more than an I’m sorry to win me back. You forget y/n, I’m all you have. You won’t last out there on your own.’

‘I’d rather have nothing than stay another second here’ you told him calmly, before stepping away from the table, picking up your coat and making your way you the door.

You didn’t turn back for one last look, you didn’t wait for him to convince you stay, you kept your head high, your shoulders back and your hand around the car key in your pocket before stepping out the front door and closing it softly behind you.

Wanting to get out of there as quickly as you could, you ran to the car you borrowed from your best friend that was parked enough spaces down that he didn’t notice, got in and drove away as quickly as you could. You felt the familiar burn of tears behind your eyes but you didn’t allow them to fall. Not just yet you told yourself and you made the 45 minute journey to your best friends house. They had no idea you were coming and you were praying they would accept you with open arms. As much as you hated to admit it, your now ex-husband was right, you really didn’t have many people in your life and he was the one that made sure of that. Isolating you from everyone so you became reliant on him. He knew you’d of left a lot quicker if you were surrounded by people that love you.

You knew your best friend would be in, having made sure to ask them a few days ago what their week looked like. Your ex had no idea the two of you still spoke and you had to save their name in your phone as a cleaning company as to not arouse any suspicion.

Before you knew it you were there, pulling up outside and punching in the code you had memorised. As soon as you were parked, you ran to the front door and pounded on it until it opened and you were met with the big brown eyes of Mason.

‘I did it’ you sobbed, his shocked face now looking confused. ‘I’ve left him’ you managed to choke out before you felt your legs start to buckle under you. Mason was quick to grab you and pull you into him before you fell. In the comfort of his arms is when you allowed yourself to break down. He gently rocked you back and forth as he shushed you and raked his fingers over your scalp.

‘Come on love, let’s get out inside and out the cold, yeah?’ He whispered and you nodded weakly, allowing him to pull you inside. After shutting the door with his hip, he slowly walked you over to his sofa where he sat beside you and pulled you back into him. You sobbed your little heart out whilst he held you as tightly as he could to his body. The only sounds coming from him were his little comments of encouragement, telling you that everything was okay and you were safe now.

And that was the main reason for your tears, more relief than sadness. Yes you were sad your relationship of five years and marriage of three was finally over, yet that was outweighed by the lightness you felt in your chest of never having to see him again and the feel of the strong and safe arms around you now.

You thought you were almost done crying but when Mason told you he was proud of you, you only sobbed harder.

You had known Mason most of your life, growing up together as your houses were opposite and there wasn’t anything you didn’t know about each other.

That was until you started dating Eric and you grew apart. He was a few years older than you and told you it was only natural but as the months went by and more and more people seemed to disappear from your life, until he was all that was left, you wondered if he was right. He convinced you though and told you he was all you needed. He even told you Mason was no good for you, that being around someone with his job could only end in disaster as he’d never have time for you. This was the one thing you never believed so kept your friendship with Mason away from Eric.

He was the perfect gentleman at first, buying you gifts and taking you on trips. You loved being around him as he made you feel like a princess. He told you it was you and him against the world and he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you.

When he proposed you said yes straight away and had a small wedding, just the two of you and some whitenesses. You knew you had hurt Mason by not inviting him as you’d always promised to be there for each other in the big moments. He had called you the day after and the sound of his broken voice made you feel more guilty than you ever had before, but you knew he couldn’t be there. Eric still thought the two of you were no longer in contact.

You hated having to hide Mason from your life, only seeing each other when Eric was at work or on a business trip but Eric really did make you happy.

Well at first he did anyway.

That was until he began telling you how you should wear your hair, how you should dress, where you could and couldn’t go, what you should eat, how you should think. You should have known when he told you to quit your job as he made enough money for the both of you but you did it anyway, not wanting to hurt him. Then three months ago you found out about the multiple other woman he’d been sleeping with since you’d been married. You’d been planning since then to escape, telling Mason you needed to borrow his car for an appointment as Eric would be taking his car to work and since Mason had a few, he was happy to oblige.

That one small kind gesture now meant you were free. Free from a life of being controlled and suppressed by a man who thought he knew what was best for you.

You finally looked up at Mason, furiously blinking your eyes in order to clear the tears from them, and Mason gently wiped under them with his thumbs, smiling at you so widely you though his face might break in half.

‘I mean it y/n I’m so fucking proud of you’ he told you again with a light kiss to your forehead. ‘I’m not gonna pretend like I knew exactly what was happening between the two of you but I never liked him and I think you know that.’ You couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at this, nodding your head. ‘He made you not you, and I want you back’ he said with a sad smile.

‘I’m back’ you croaked and kissed your forehead again.

‘I need to ask you something’ he said with a more serious tone and you gulped before he continued. ‘You don’t have to tell me what happed, not if you don’t want to or if you do we can wait until you’re ready to talk but I need to know one thing and I need to you be honest with me okay?’ You just nodded and he took a breath before speaking. ‘Did he ever hurt you? You know like… physically?’

You understood why he asked the question, and it pained you to see the look on his face as he did, but you shook your head quickly to settle his mind. Eric was a lot of things but he’d never laid a hand on you. Mason let out a massive breath and just nodded, feeling better now he knew. You looked down to his top, noticing to two black marks from your mascara staining it and it stupidly tried to wipe it off. ‘Sorry Mase’

‘Don’t be silly, I know how to the use the washing machine now’ he proudly boasted and you shook your head at his silliness.

‘So I kind of need to ask another favour’ you gulped. You knew it would probably be fine with what you were about to ask but you wanted to make sure anyway. He just nodded a waited for you to carry on. ‘I don’t really have anywhere else to go, and it won’t be for long I’ll sort myself out but can I stay with you for a bit?’ He looked back at you like you were asking the most obvious thing in the world before taking your hands in his.

‘Do you even need to ask that?’ He chucked you you tried to hide you face in his sofa cushion. ‘Of course you can stay here, I’ve always told you that.’ And it was true, mason always reassured you that his home was yours if you ever needed it and now you felt stupid for asking. ‘And none of this it won’t be for long crap, you stay here as long as you like. You know I love having you around. In fact I don’t want you out of my sight for the foreseeable.’

‘Thank you’ you whispered and he just squeezed your hands in response.

‘Now what do you say, you grab a quick shower and I’ll order us some dinner and then we have a movie night like we used to when we’re we’re kids?’ He suggested

‘That sounds great, I’ll just go grab my stuff from the car’ you told him whilst standing, but he followed you up and grabbed your arm.

‘Don’t be silly, I can get that’ he told you, helping you out of your coat. You couldn’t help but blush as you noticed his eyes linger over you in your tight dress, forgetting you were dressed up for a night out rather then a comfy evening in, and it took you looking directly at him for him to avert his gaze. ‘Y-you remember where the bathroom is right?’ He stuttered and you smiled at his now awkward demeanour.

‘I remember, Mason’ you said with a slight smile

‘I’ll leave your stuff in the guest room yeah? Take your time there’s towels and everything you need in there’

‘Thank you, Mase’ you whispered. Stepping towards him and kissing his cheek before turning on your heel to walk up his stairs. You knew he hadn’t moved yet, clearly watching you walk up and you were wondering what had come over him all of a sudden but the thought of being under the warm water kept your legs moving.

After a quick shower, making sure to wash off your ruined makeup, you wrapped yourself in one of masons big fluffy towels before making your way to his guest room. You were just about to open the door when it swung open to reveal mason who was obviously just leaving.

‘Shit, sorry’ he laughed, a blush covering his cheeks as he looked at you in your towel. ‘I uh, I just put all your stuff in there. Was that everything?’ He asked pointing back to your one suitcase and lone duffel bag.

‘Yeah that’s it’ you confirmed, and he scrunched his face up up for a second before nodding.

‘Well the food will be here soon, so get ready and I’ll come get you’ he said, moving out the room and plodding back downstairs. You unpacked some pyjamas, a silky shirt and shorts combo that you hadn’t been able to wear yet, but given your new found freedom you thought it was appropriate. You carried on unpacking your things, not that it was much. A few pairs of jeans and leggings plus some tops and a few pairs of shoes. All things you’d bought yourself, leaving anything that was bought with Eric’s money back in his house. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Mason popped his head through after you told him to come in.

‘Foods here’ he said quietly. ‘I thought maybe we could eat in my room? Like old times’ he asked you and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he might be nervous.

‘Sounds good, I’ll be in in a sec’ you told him with a smile and he gave you one nod before leaving again.

After popping your underwear in a drawer you made your way over to his room. The lights had been dimmed and you could see he’d lit a candle on the far side of the room. He was sat on his bed, back resting against the headboard and next to him lay two massive pizzas.

‘I’m not sure that’s part of your diet plan Mount’ you told him as you took a seat next to him. He laughed at you and shrugged whilst picking up a slice.

‘I figured it was a special occasion’ he winked and you couldn’t ignore the little flip in your tummy at his gesture. ‘I ordered your favourite’

You looked down to see your favourite pizza and you couldn’t help but smile that he remembered. You hadn’t had it in the longest time and you groaned in satisfaction when you took your first bite, closing your eyes to savour the moment.

Your eyes snapped over to Mason as you hadn’t heard him move and you caught him staring at you with wide eyes and slightly parted lips, but he looked away just as quickly, his eyes focusing on the movie. You were unsure of what to make of all the strange looks he was giving you, figuring he felt a bit sorry for you and was just checking to make sure you were okay, but you both carried on eating in silence. When you’d had enough Mason quickly ran downstairs to put the pizza in the fridge before joining you back in his bed.

It felt weird for you to be sat so far away from him, movie nights used to consist of him laying with his head in your lap or at least your arms being linked however mason sat away from you, no doubt wanting to give you space after a stressful day however that was the last thing you wanted.

‘Masey?’ You asked and he smiled at the use of his nickname you only bought out when you wanted something. ‘Do you maybe think I could have a cuddle?’ You questioned, and his face softened immediately, scooting down the bed and opening up his arms for you to fall in to.

‘You don’t need to ask love’ he whispered into you temple before leaving a light kiss there that warmed your insides. ‘And if you wanna talk about anything then im all ears. And if you don’t then I’m pretty good at talking shit and distracting you’ he joked but you really appreciated it. ‘Whatever you wanna do we can do’

There was lots you wanted to tell him, but unsure of if you were ready for all that just yet you told him something that had been playing on your mind for the last half an hour or so.

‘What if I’m not strong enough?’ You whispered but you knew he’d heard you, tightening his grip ever so slightly.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well I’m fine right now, I think I’m still on a bit of a high, but what about in a few days time when I crash back down to earth? What if I end up running back to him? what if he calls and I’m not strong enough to ignore it?’

‘That could never happen’ he reassured you, stroking up and down your back gently. ‘You’ve got me now, I mean you always have had, but I’m gonna be here for you all the time and we can do this together I promise. You’re not on your own anymore’. You knew he wasn’t done talking, the words on the tip of his tongue so you waited until he was ready. ‘You don’t have to answer if you’re not ready, but why did you stay with him so long if you were so unhappy?’

You gave it a second to think of an answer, but you didn’t exactly have one. It was a whole multitude of things. ‘I guess I just wanted to believe he was still a good person? Like even after everything he’s done I still hoped things would change’

You went on to tell him where it all went wrong, the lying, his controlling nature, the cheating you uncovered towards the end. Mason was silent throughout, letting you talk and unload everything you needed to, but you could tell by the look on his face he was beyond angry.

‘Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was?’ He questioned.

‘I don’t know Mase, I wish I had I’m so sorry’

‘Hey hey, none of this is your fault’ he comforted you, rubbing his hands over you gently. ‘I’m so fucking proud of you, and I’m so glad you came to me. I promise you I won’t let anything bad happen anymore okay you’re safe with me’

‘You promise’ you asked with a smile, holding up your pinkie finger to which he wrapped his own around.

‘I promise. No one goes near my girl without my say so’

‘Your girl?’

‘My girl’ he reiterated, holding you tightly against him.

You closed your eyes at his words, too overcome with emotion to say anything so you just nestled further into his neck and after 15 minutes or so, you could feel yourself getting sleepy. Mason must of felt it too, leaning back slightly to look at you.

‘You want me to take you to your room?’ He whispered but you just shook your head, the need to be with him and feel safe taking over the sensible part of your brain.

‘No, can I stay here with you tonight?’ You asked quietly, and he nodded, settling down more as he held you. ‘Promise you’ll still be here when I wake up?’ You murmured and you felt his body shake and he let out a small laugh.

‘I promise’ he replied before kissing your cheek. ‘Goodnight y/n’

You kissed his collarbone, the only bit of skin of his you could reach with your lips before settling back down again.

‘Night Mase, and thank you’

—————————

True to his word Mason was still there when you woke up the next morning, and the one after that, and the one after that also. In fact you hadn’t spent one night in his guest room, opting to be with him in his bed, reminiscing about the old days until you fell asleep in each others arms.

You were right about one thing though, and as the days went on things got harder and harder and you could feel yourself becoming more broken. But Mason was always there to pick you up and fix you back together, never making you feel like a burden and very slowly you could feel yourself coming back out of your shell. So much so in fact that after three weeks, you were ready to take the next step to being you again.

When Mason came home from training, he found you in the kitchen. He found you in here most days, usually making him dinner but today you were sat at the island, head burrowed into his laptop he said you could borrow. He came over to drop a kiss on your head, just like always, and wrapped his arm around your shoulders to have a nose at what you were doing.

‘Hey love, what’s all this?’

‘I’m looking for a job’ you told him with a smile, looking up into his big brown eyes as he smiled back down at you. You felt him squeeze your shoulders that tiny bit tighter before taking up the stool next to you.

‘You found anything yet?’

‘I’m not sure, I kinda wanna ease myself back in slowly but I’m not sure how to explain why I was out for the last year year and a half’. You mused whilst biting your lip in concentration. The next thing you felt was Masons thumb pulling on your lip, freeing it from in between your teeth, and you both looked at each other with wide eyes and your heart began to race.

This seemed to be happening a lot lately. Maybe it was the fact everything seemed so domestic between you both, sleeping in the same bed, waking up in his arms every morning, making him dinner for when he got home and spending nights cuddling on his sofa as you talked through all your problems, but your feelings for Mason seemed to be shifting.

You knew the ladies loved him, and you’d always thought he was handsome but he was your best friend so feeling about him in any other way wasn’t allowed, but he was making that task increasingly difficult. You caught yourself looking at his lips and wondering what they would feel like on yours or what his hands felt like on other parts of you. It had been so long since someone had touched you in that way and your head was swimming with thoughts of him.

‘Why don’t you say you worked for me?’ He shrugged, defusing the tension a bit.

‘Doing what?’

‘I dunno, whatever fits the job you’re applying for I guess. I promise I’ll give you a glowing reference’ he winked and you smiled at him shyly. ‘Just don’t go rushing into anything, you’ve got time to think about it’

‘I know, but I need to start being a bit more independent Mase, I can’t stay here forever’

‘Why not’ he pouted, your heart racing at the thought of him wanting you around.

‘You don’t want me here all the time, living rent free and cramping your style. What if you wanna bring a date back or something? I don’t wanna be in the way’

‘You could never be in the way’ he assured you with a hand on your shoulder before he walked over to the fridge to get a drink. Not that you had seen Mason with another girl since you moved in, in fact he hadn’t even mentioned one but the thought of seeing him with someone else was enough to make your blood boil so you changed the subject to what was for dinner and you both fell back into your comfortable routine.

That was until later on that evening. You noticed he was on his phone a lot, texting someone with a permanent grin on his face every time your back was turned. You were curious as to who it was and your mind went straight to the worst case scenario and figured it must be girl, only confirmed when you joined him on the sofa after your shower and he quickly hid his phone as soon as you walked in.

You tried to will the sinking feeling away, wondering to yourself why you even felt like this in the first place. Mason wasn’t yours to be jealous over, but he must of sensed something was up as he gave you a funny look when you sat down next to him but left a gap between you. He didn’t say anything, just laid down and put his head in your lap, waiting for you to play with his hair. When you didn’t move he looked up at you with sad eyes. You melted a bit inside and moved your hand to run your fingers through his hair. The content hum that came from him only spurring you on even more, cursing yourself that you were wrapped around his finger.

When you felt yourself getting tired, you told Mason you were going to head upstairs and he rubbed his eyes before sitting up and stretching.

‘Okay, I’ll meet you up there in a sec’ he told you, but your own insecurities were getting the better of you it seemed, words spilling from your mouth before you had time to think about them.

‘Oh um, actually I think maybe it’s best if I sleep in the guest room tonight’ you told him whilst sitting up, he turned to look at you with a hurt and confused expression.

‘What? Why?’

‘No reason I just um…’ your mind was racing for an excuse but you couldn’t come up with one and there was no way you were telling him the truth.

‘Have I done something wrong?’ He questioned and you started to feel like the worst person in the world. ‘I feel like you’ve been off with me tonight. If I’m being too much and you want some space you can tell me’ he said, standing up and stopping right in front of you. Your eyes filled with tears at this, he was always putting you first and you were in a mood with him over nothing but your own confused feelings.

‘No Mase it’s not that’ you gulped out, and he took your face in his hands, brushing away the few stray tears as he looked at you concerned. ‘I’m just having one of those days’ you breathed and he nodded at you sympathetically.

‘Well, if you change your mind you know where I’ll be’ he said quietly, and with a kiss to your forehead he was walking passed you and up his stairs.

You followed him up a few minutes after, walking into his guest room to change, but you no longer wanted to be in there on your own so you put on your brave face and went over to Masons room.

It was dark inside and Mason was already under the covers, his back facing away from you. You slipped into bed quietly, pressing yourself up against his back and wrapping your arm around his waist. You felt his whole body relax into you as he threaded his fingers through yours and hugged them to his chest. Hoping he couldn’t feel your racing heart against his back but if he could he didn’t say anything.

‘Night baby’ he whispered and you heart hammered even harder at the pet name, one he’d never called you before. Too overwhelmed to think of what to say back, you kissed him on the shoulder in response before you both drifted off to sleep.

————————————

Three days later and Mason was grinning like an idiot when he got home, and you were immediately suspicious about his mood. You were stood stirring a pot on the stove as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

‘How do you fancy a night off from cooking at the weekend?’ He asked you with a smile and he must of picked up on the confused expression on your face as you turned to him. ‘I was thinking a night out might do you good? I’ve kind of been planning dinner with Dec and Lauren to ease you into it. What do you think?’

‘Oh… um’

‘Pleaseeeeee’ he moaned, swaying you from side, pleased with himself when he heard you laughing.

‘I haven’t got anything to wear’ you told him with a pout as he let you go to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

‘Well, why don’t we have a look after dinner? We can order you something?’

‘No Mase-‘ you tried to protest but he already had his phone out googling suggestions for you.

‘Or I could ask Carlotta to bring something round?’ He told you with his eyebrow raised, knowing you would never go for it and therefore make you pick something he could buy you. You just huffed and rolled your eyes at him, knowing you were never going to win this argument.

After dinner, he showed you all the things he thought ‘would look great on you’ and you finally decided on a short black velvet dress with sheer sleeves. The sleeves were long but it was tight and short enough to show your legs off which mason seemed excited by. You told him you already had shoes and other bits but he shushed you away, fiddling about on his phone for another 20 minutes or so and claiming he was looking for himself, before he ordered it.

When the night of the dinner came you were nervous, having not seen Dec or Lauren in years but Mason claimed they were excited to see you.

The dress had arrived the day before and you were happy with the fit of it and as you stood looking in the mirror at your reflection, you were happy with how you looked. You were digging through your small jewellery bag, looking for a specific necklace when you heard a knock on the door just as you picked it up. You told mason to come in.

He stepped around the door, he eyes wide as he took you in and yours were the same as you caught sight of him through the mirror, dressed in smart black trousers, a white t shirt and a black checkered over shirt. He looked really good and you had to look down before you started blushing too hard. You were so caught up in how good he looked you didn’t notice him place something down onto the guest bed.

‘I know it doesn’t match, but do you think you could put this on for me?’ You asked him quietly, handing over the necklace that he recognised instantly.

‘You still have this?’ He asked as you turned to face away from him. It was a small blue sapphire teardrop necklace he’d bought you for your 18th birthday. He got it for you as it was Chelsea blue but you hadnt worn it in years as Eric didn’t like it.

‘Of course, it’s my favourite one I own’ you smiled at him through the mirror as he focused on doing the clasp up, his breath tickling down your neck making you shudder. Once he was done he pressed a light kiss over the chain before turning you to face him.

‘I know you’re gonna tell me off for this but I wasn’t sure if you needed one’ he started and your eyes followed to wear he was reaching, catching sight of the bag that matched your dress. ‘Please don’t be upset with me’ he laughed and you couldn’t help but laugh back, placing a kiss on his cheek as you thanked him. Truth be told you did need a bag so you werent gonna be too hard on him. Once you’d transferred everything you needed into your new bag, you followed Mason into the waiting taxi downstairs, him keeping hold of your hand the whole way as you sat next to him in the middle seat.

‘You look beautiful, by the way’ he whispered in your ear as the car was pulling up to the pavement. You dropped your head in embarrassment, it having been a while since you’d heard those words and coming from Mason they meant even more. You didn’t have time to think or say anything back as he was tugging you from the car immediately after.

You were being led over to your table when he threaded his fingers through yours and kept you close to him as he knew you were nervous, but the big smile on Lauren’s face settled you instantly. She pulled you into a hug and you willed the tears to stay in your eyes, feeling better than you had all day now the hard part was out the way. After another big hug with Dec, you took your seat next to Mason, his hand finding home on your thigh and you smiled at him briefly, letting him know it was okay, before joining in the conversation.

Dinner was great, it felt so good to be around other people and be normal, but you felt even better knowing Mason was next to you. You felt so good in fact that when Dec mentioned a few of the London based England lads were in a bar that wasn’t too far away, you didn’t hesitate to say yes to joining them.

‘You sure?’ Mason questioned with a curious look on his face. ‘We don’t have too’

‘No Mase, I want to’ you nodded at him with a smile and he smiled back just as brightly before pressing a kiss you your cheek. Mason missed the look Dec gave him but you certainly didn’t and you made sure to remember to ask him about it later on.

You were led to a private part of the bar and after meeting a few new people and being glued to Masons side for an hour, Lauren convinced you to go with her and hang out with just the girls. Mason gave you a look to silently ask if you were sure but you gave his hand a squeeze to reassure him before joining the girls table.

You drunk until you thought it was a good idea to dance, feeling more carefree than you could remember and even without Mason by your side you still felt safe, a feeling you knew you would have to get used to. Once you and Lauren felt tired, you went in search of the boys, finding Mason perched on the arm of one of the sofas. His face lit up immediately at the sight of you and you could tell he was drunk from the way he swayed when he held his arms out for you to step into, turning away from everyone else so you could have a private moment.

‘Hey pretty girl’ he murmured into your neck, kissing it softly and you could of sworn you felt him chuckle at the way your body shivered when he touched you. ‘I’ve missed you’

‘I missed you too, Mase’ you replied and you pulled back to look into his bleary eyes. Even drunk he was still perfect to you, his cheeks and the bridge of his nose flushed and his lips looked even more pouty and kissable than usual. The smile he was giving you at your words was making your knees weak so you grabbed his shoulders to steady yourself whilst he held you at your waist.

‘We’ll go in a sec yeah?’ He winked, ‘I think it’s way past our bedtime’ and you nodded in response. Although you had enjoyed tonight, you were ready to be back in your pyjamas and in Masons arms.

He excused himself to sort an Uber for the two of you, and in his absence you managed to catch Dec alone. He smiled, putting his arm around you and went to speak, but you managed to get in there first.

‘Dec? I saw the way you were looking at me and Mase at dinner’ you told him and it only made his smile grow bigger. ‘What was that all about?’

‘Look y/n I’m not gonna pretend that I know what’s gone on the past few years, but I know it’s not been good’ he started, giving you a sympathetic look, but he moved the conversation on quickly. ‘But I also know my best mate, and I know when he likes someone’ he paused to see if you’d caught on it he wasn’t entirely sure. ‘I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way you are with each other and I’ve never seen anything like it. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about him as more than a friend?’

You knew you were blushing, of course you’d thought about him like that. Who hadn’t? It was the thought of him looking at you in that way that was confusing. Your confidence had been on the floor for the longest time, and whilst you were working on it, you found it hard to imagine Mason liking you in that way.

‘Look, you didn’t hear it from me’ he chuckled, quietly grabbing your attention back from your thoughts ‘but he worships the ground you walk on. That night you first showed up at his house? He called me and was ready to commit murder for you. I know it may seem a bit scary, but life’s about taking risks yeah? You wouldn’t be here out with us tonight if you hadn’t been brave’

You agreed with him, giving him a hug just as Mason appeared. You said your goodbyes and made it outside just in time to get in the car. Once back at his, you both helped each other stumble inside and up to his room. You’d taken your makeup off in the bathroom and returned to find him starfished on his bed, clad only in his boxers. You took a few minutes to take him in, thinking you’d never seen anyone more beautiful than him.

As if he could sense you, he sat up and beckoned you over, sitting you on his lap before unclasping your necklace and popping it on the table by your side. You could feel him start to press feather light kisses on your neck, the alcohol clearly giving him courage as he gripped your waist tightly. You figured it was time to be brave just like Declan told you to be.

‘Mase?’ You questioned, almost breathlessly. He hummed to let you know he was listening but he didn’t take his focus off the back of your neck. ‘Do you think you could unzip me?’

You felt him let out a breath before his hands moved to gently unzip your dress, you could tell how careful he was being with you and your heart gave a squeeze. You shivered as he ran his fingertips up your back and dipped them under the shoulders of you dress, pushing it off you so it fell forward leaving you sat with just your bra on top. Mason was too busy leaving open mouthed kisses on your shoulders to notice you quickly unhook it, but once he had, he moved his lips all over your back, pulling a quiet moan from you which made him grin into your skin.

‘Mason’ you scolded him gently and attempted to move off of him, but he firmly held you in place.

‘Shhhhh, just let me love on you a bit’ he murmured, still pressing kisses onto you, setting your skin on fire. You let him carry on, enjoying the way his lips felt against your hot skin. You thought you’d be more self conscious, sat with your naked back to him, your chest uncovered out of his sight but he never made a move to touch you there or make you uncomfortable.

It had been so long since you’d been intimate like this with someone. Sex with Eric had dried up months before you’d left, and even before that you’d never really enjoyed it so to be in the palm of masons hand like this felt a bit foreign, but you were also enjoying every second of it. Before you could get too caught up in the moment, you jumped up from his lap. Not wanting to push things too far.

You let your dress and bra fall to the floor once you had untangled your arms from the sleeves, leaving you in just your lacy black underwear, giving Mason a cheeky view of you bum as you made your way over to where he had slung the T-shirt he wore that night. You picked it up and put it on, your back still turned to him and only when you were covered did you face him. It was the first time you’d worn anything of his and you felt your tummy flip as his smell overtook you.

His eyes were dark and there was an obvious tent in his boxers but you suddenly started to feel like a deer in headlights. His gaze made you freeze and he must of sensed something was wrong because his face softened and he slowly walked towards you to grab your hand before tucking you into bed. He got in besides you and you both turned to face each other, his eyes looking at you full of love.

‘As gorgeous as you looked tonight, I love seeing you like this’ he told you quietly, moving closer to you and wrapping an arm around your waist. His fingers dipping just below his shirt so he could feel the skin on your back. You could smell the alcohol on him and he was clearly still quite drunk but you were enjoying his compliments. ‘I wanna kiss you so bad’ he suddenly admitted, speaking quietly into you temple. You felt yourself freeze again and when you didn’t say anything he shuffled down to look into your eyes.

‘It’s probably just the alcohol talking Mase’ you joked but he was looking at you seriously.

‘No it’s not. I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was 17, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t been drunk since then’ he argued you couldn’t help but let out a giggle before he buried his head in your neck. ‘Don’t laugh, it’s true’ he teased ‘do you know how hard it’s been for me? To see you with that prick for years when I know you should have been mine? But you’re my best friend and I was trying to be supportive. And then you turn up here looking hot as hell and you’re sleeping next to me every night in those fucking silky pyjamas that drive me insane. like do you know how difficult it’s been?’ He whined but you could tell there was a layer of humour underneath. ‘I don’t want to overstep the mark cause I know you’re not ready for any of that but fuck, you’re on my mind 24/7’ You grabbed of hold of his face and forced him to look at you.

‘It’s been difficult for me too’ you whispered ‘it may of took me a littler longer to realise it, but I really wanna kiss you too’ you admitted and you felt him lean in almost straight away. You quickly placed a finger to his lips and he groaned audibly to which you laughed. ‘We’re still both really drunk Mase. If you still feel like kissing me tomorrow when we’re both sober, I think that might be okay’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah’ you nodded, and he was quick to settle back onto the pillow.

‘Let’s get some sleep then, so the morning comes quicker’ he told you, like a kid on Christmas, and you couldn’t help but place a kiss on his forehead.

‘I’m not great at saying it, but you know I love you, don’t you Mase?’ And he held you that little bit tighter, nodding into your neck.

‘I love you too’ he murmured

————————————

The next morning you woke up to Mason spooning you, his soft snores right by your ear and whilst you would have found it annoying if it were anyone else, you couldn’t get over how cute he was. You stayed there, revelling in his warmth for another half an hour or so until you felt him start to shift, pulling you impossibly closer. He groaned as if he was in pain, but you could help but laugh as you knew it was just because he was hungover. He groaned even louder at this and nestled into your neck.

‘Morning, baby’ he murmured, your heart thumping at the use of that name again. You turned in his arms to find him still with his eyes shut, but his brows pinched together in discomfort.

‘Morning, Mase. You feeling alright?’

‘I think my brain melted out of my head in the night’ he told you quietly, opening one eye to look at you and his face softened immediately. ‘You okay?’

‘My heads a bit fuzzy, but I’m fine. How about I make you some breakfast? You’ll feel loads better after you’ve eaten’ You told him before detaching yourself from his grip. He was in too much of a state to keep you there, so he let you go.

You were almost done cooking when you saw Mason enter the kitchen, now dressed in a pair of grey shorts but his bare torso was still on show. You had to tell yourself to look away and concentrate. He flopped himself down on the kitchen island, and you placed some painkillers in front him with a glass of orange juice. You left him to take them whilst you dished up his breakfast, but he grabbed your wrist before you could walk off when you set his plate down.

‘Where’s yours?’ He pouted and you rolled your eyes at his neediness.

‘I’m just getting it you big baby’ you told him, and he nodded at you with a shy look on his face. You ate mostly in silence, his eyes glazing at you every so often but you were enjoying the peace, slowly starting to feel more alive with each passing second.

Snapping you out of your thoughts, he placed a kiss to your forehead as he stood, grabbing his and your empty plates to take them over to the sink.

‘You go sit and find us something to watch, I’ll clean up’ he told you, and you quickly nipped upstairs to pop on a pair of leggings, feeling a bit exposed parading around in just his shirt, before finding a film for the two of you to watch. He was soon to join you, now with a hoodie on, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his chest. ‘Thank you for looking after me, sorry I’m such a wimp’ he murmured but you looked up at him with a reassuring smile.

‘Don’t be silly, you’re not a wimp. Are you feeling any better?’

‘Lots’ he smiled and gave you a light kiss on the forehead before you both settled down to watch tv. You were fine for the first five minutes but thoughts started niggling away at you soon after, thinking back to last nights conversation. Clearly it really was the alcohol talking as he’d made no mention of the kiss and you felt disheartened, only thankful for the fact he’d clearly forgotten so you didn’t make too much of a fool out of yourself. Unless he did remember but he wasn’t saying anything out of pure embarrassment. But you were a bit upset to say the least, his words last night had filled you with hope and now your confidence was back on the floor. You contemplated asking him if he remembered anything from the night before but you held your tongue.

Mason fidgeted the whole way through the movie which you put down to his hangover. It was starting to annoy you though so you shuffled away from him a little bit so you you lie down with your head facing away from him. He seemed to take offence to this though, muttering a soft hey, and huffing like a child.

‘What you doing over there?’ He pouted but you Just shrugged, not wanting him to know the reason you were upset. He looked at you with a scowl before moving to lay down in front of you, his head on the pillow blocking your view of the tv, his eyes searching yours as he gently brushed the hair off your face. Your faces were close, his nose almost brushing yours and you had to swallow a nervous lump. ‘Y/n?’ He questioned and you met his soft eyes, a barely their smile on his lips as he prepared himself to speak again. ‘Do you think I could have that kiss now?’ He asked quietly and you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from smiling too wide.

‘You remembered?’ You whispered and he nodded his head gently, a blush taking over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose in the way you adored.

‘Of course’ he breathed his eyes dancing over your face as if to make sure you you were still on board. ‘Was just a bit too nervous to ask that’s all’ he admitted and you could feel your heart beating wildly out of your chest. ‘Sit up for me yeah?’ He asked and you returned to your previous position, sat next to him but your legs now draped over his thigh. He cupped your jaw gently and unsure with what to do with your hands, you rested then on his chest as you both tried to relax a bit.

He started off by pressing a few kisses on your cheek, checking with you that you were okay before moving closer to your mouth. With one last look into your eyes, he closed the space between you and planted his lips on yours.

You were quite certain you’d never felt like this whilst being kissed before, your breath knocked out of you almost instantly as he claimed you as his own. He was so gentle with you yet harsh at the same time, your lips moving in sync as your hands moved to around his neck to make sure he didn’t part from you. You could hear your heart beating in your ears as the kiss got heavier and when he slipped his tongue inside your mouth, you let out an audible moan which made him smile against your lips. You both pulled back to catch your breath, Mason cursing under his breath before you both let out a little laugh.

‘Why the fuck have we not done that sooner’ he laughed before pressing another quick kiss to your lips. ‘God, I can’t stop’ he joked, pressing more kisses all over your face until he made it back to your lips, pulling you in closer and tilting your face so he could get a better angle and kiss you even deeper.

You could have stayed there for hours kissing Mason, his lips felt amazing against yours and your whole body felt as light as air. He let go of one side of your face, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you closer against him. You didn’t mind, wanting to be as close to him a possible right now. He pulled away again and you pouted at the loss of contact, but the serious look on his face made your heart race.

He lent forward, resting his forehead on yours and closed his eyes, a tiny smirk on his lips.

‘I’m so in love with you’ he admitted with a quiet voice and you felt your soul almost leap from your body at his confession. Sure you told each other ‘I love you’ all the time, that’s what best friends do. But in love? That was new.

‘Mase, I-‘

He cut you off with a finger to your lips, stopping whatever you were about to say. You both pulled back so he could look you in your eyes properly.

‘Just let me finish yeah? I need to get this out before I get too nervous again’ he told you with a small laugh so you let him carry on, curious to what else he had to say. ‘I’m not expecting you to feel the same, not yet anyway. I know you’ve gone through some really hard years and it’s gonna take a lot to trust someone again, but I really wanna be that guy’ he told you sincerely, cupping your face again and you leant your face further into his hand. ‘I’m not perfect, and things between us can’t always be but you’re all I’ve ever wanted, y/n. I’d do absolutely anything for you and I think I’ve proved I’m capable of looking after you and being what you need. I just don’t want this to ever stop’ he admitted and you felt the tears spill from your eyes. He was quick to wipe them away and place a gentle kiss on the end oh your nose. ‘I’m not saying we need to dive right into anything straight away, but when you’re ready to let someone back in, I’ll be waiting for you yeah? We can go at your own pace but you know me. You can trust me, I’ll prove it’

‘You don’t have to prove anything to me, Mase’ you told him with a smile and he let out a tiny laugh.

‘Well I’ll do whatever makes you comfortable’ he murmured but you were lost for words. No one had even spoken to you in this way before and you almost didn’t feel worthy of his affections. ‘Or if you don’t feel the same way, we can just forget I said anything and carry on like normal’

‘Mase’ you groaned with a laugh, burring your head into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you tightly.

‘I know it’s scary, but please tell me how you’re feeling’ he whispered. He sounded so vulnerable in that moment, and you took Decs advice again, wanting to be brave and make sure the man you loved knew how you felt.

‘You’re really bloody oblivious sometimes Mase, it’s always been you’ you told him, coming to terms with that yourself but it was true. ‘I’m in love with you too’ you whispered, and you felt his whole body relax, moving back so you could look into his glazed over eyes. ‘Have been for a long time, just didn’t know how to tell you’ you let out a sob at the end, Mason holding you tighter, shushing you and kissing your cheek.

‘It’s okay, the scary parts out the way now’ he chuckled and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

‘I could never repay you for everything you’ve done for me. You picked me up when I was at my lowest and helped put me back together again. I know I’m not all the way there, but I really want to try and be what you need too Mason’

He shook his head at your words, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. ‘You’re already what I need, baby. And we’ve got the rest of our lives to work all out the other stuff’ you could only nod at him, too overcome with emotion to form a sentence. ‘Love you’ he whispered, bumping his nose against yours before kissing you again.

‘Love you too’

Thank you so much for reading 😌 I'd really like some feedback so please feel free to drop me an ask or whatever you feel comfortable doing, I'd really love to hear from you 🩷

[willalove75]

would you write alci breastfeeding y/n after an exhausting day? something cuter

Absolutely! Thanks so much for the request!💕

Warnings: Breastfeeding (I guess it needs a warning? Idk.)

A/n: This is my first time writing something like this so go easy on me😅😂 ALSO I feel like it's been a HOT minute since I've done a Lady D ask! I've been super slacking lolzzzz sorry💕

Today sucked to say the least. You were helping Alcina with some of her tasks to ease her burden. Normally you don't have a tough time with the things she asks you to do, most of the time you actually enjoy helping her; being able to organize files, help her with paperwork, running errands. But today you were tasked with speaking with the mayor about current events in the village. As one of the four Lords, it was Alcina's responsibility to keep an eye on and maintain a healthy relationship with the village and the village mayor. You had accompanied Alcina to these meetings enough times where Alcina felt you were ready to conduct it on your own. Of course you were nervous, but you felt ready.

The ride there was uncomfortable - uncomfortable being an understatement. Over the winter the roads have deteriorated greatly and haven't been tended to so they were uneven and filled with potholes. You made sure to make note of that and make sure the mayor was aware of the situation and knows he needs to fix it.

It's not that you were dreading this meeting, but the mayor was known for being a bastard. Part of the reason that Alcina always attended these meetings was because of his notorious attitude but he always acted on his best behavior around Alcina - or else he'd run the very real and serious risk of losing a limb, or worse.

When you finally arrived in the village the people walking around slowed and carefully eyed the carriage, expecting Lady Dimitrescu to step out of it. When you stepped out alone most of the villagers went back to whatever they were doing. A few brave - or stupid - villagers decided to voice their opinions of you since the Lady wasn't around. Calling you a traitor or the demon's whore or any other colorful names they could come up with. You ignored them and made your way into the village hall where the mayor's office was.

The meeting sucked, badly. The moment the mayor realized you were alone he was the king of bastards once more. He spoke down to you the entire time, even after reminding him that everything that is said and how it was said at this meeting would be reported back to Lady Dimitrescu. The man was dumber than you thought, since the threat of Lady Dimitrescu wasn't in his immediate vicinity, there might as well be no threat at all.

Everything you brought up to him was mocked. Even things that were seriously wrong with the village he didn't take seriously. The mayor wasn't a big man, but he was definitely taller and bigger than you. Something he used to his advantage when you threatened him with the wrath of your Lady. He practically backed you into a corner while he shouted at you and threatened to put his hands on you. He even made a comment about the kind of lover you must be if you were able to satisfy the Lady and how he would like a taste for himself. It took everything in you to not show fear or cry. No tears fell but you felt them welling up in your eyes and the fear might as well have been radiating off of you as he invaded your space.

After that you gathered your things, thanked him for his time, told him you would be reporting everything back to the Lady and tried your best to keep yourself together until you got into the carriage.

You wanted to stop by one of the shops and pick up Alcina and the girls something and grab something to eat but you were too distraught. The moment the carriage door closed the tears started falling and you knocked on the wall three times to signal the driver to head back to the castle.

The ride home was arguably worse than the ride there. Not only was it just as bumpy as the ride there, but you cried for more than half of the time it took you to get home.

The gates of the castle finally came into view and you've never felt such relief. The carriage barely came to a stop when you jumped out of it - not bothering to wait for the driver to open the door for you.

You were exhausted, angry and still rattled by everything that happened with the mayor. All you wanted was Alcina. You needed her to comfort you, make you feel better, hold you and give you kisses and make all of the bad feelings go away. You needed her to care for you and you desperately hoped she wasn't too busy because it was something you needed now more than ever.

"Good evening." The head maid said as you entered the castle. "How was your trip?"

"It sucked. Do you know where Alcina is?"

"I believe she's in her chambers, she received a phone call."

"Thank you."

You beeline it upstairs to your shared chambers and enter the room, quickly closing the door behind you.

Alcina was sitting at her vanity with the phone receiver to her ear. When she heard the door open she looked in it's direction, when she realized it was you you saw her begin to smile. The moment she realized your distressed state her smile quickly faded and she had a look of concern in her eyes. She turns back towards the mirror and her posture stiffens.

"Yes Mother Miranda, I will keep you informed. I'm sorry Mother Miranda but something came up and I must be going. I understand, I apologize for cutting our incredibly important conversation short but I believe there's a trespasser in the castle I must see to. Thank you Mother Miranda. I will. Goodbye." She hangs up and turns back towards you. "Draga mea, what's wrong? What happened?" Her eyes were wide with worry and you couldn't hold back your tears anymore. You run towards her and she lifts you into her arms and cradles the back of your head. "What happened? Are you hurt? Who did this to you?" You hear the concern in her voice and bury your face into her neck.

"I'm not hurt." You said.

"Who upset you so my love? Did something happen in the village?" You shake your head no. "Please, iubirea mea, tell me what happened."

"The mayor is such a fucking asshole." You cry into her.

"What did he do?" She asks, her voice cold. "Did he hurt you? Did that filthy man thing lay his disgusting hands on you?"

"No." You begin recounting what happened from the moment you left the castle to the moment you left the village hall practically in tears. As you tell her what happened in the mayors office her grip around you tightens. When you tell her that he backed you into a corner and threatened you, that he said that he wanted a taste of you for himself Alcina was shaking with anger.

"That bastard!! How DARE he. How dare he threaten you in such a manner. That man will pay for what he's done." You can feel her heartbeat going berserk inside of her chest and her breath becoming labored. "Don't worry draga, I am going down there right this second and he will regret-"

"No, please don't. Please don't leave." You say as you cry and cling to her dress.

"Draga he has to pay for what he's done-"

"I know but please just stay with me right now. Please. I need you. I don't want to be alone. I just want you right now."

Your confession, your desperate plea for Alcina to stay with you washes over her like a warm summer breeze. The anger that's radiating off of her right now begins to diminish and she takes a deep breath and holds you tight.

"Okay draga. He will be dealt with first thing tomorrow morning. I won't leave you iubirea mea, I promise." She kisses your temple and her lips linger on your skin for a few moments. "What do you need me to do, draga?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want me to care for you? How about a bath and some warm pajamas?" You nod your head into her neck and she smiles and stands with you in her arms.

Alcina prepares a bath and once the water is warm and the tub is full she undresses you and places you in the tub. She washes your hair, massaging your scalp as she rubs the shampoo in and combs through your hair with care after she puts the conditioner in. She washes your body with your favorite soaps from her collection she knows you love. After your bath she wraps you in a giant fluffy towel, dries you off and dresses you in your favorite pajamas.

As she's caring for you, Alcina can feel her breasts starting to fill and then leak a little. The care she's giving you is something that comes so natural to her and her regenerative properties cause her to produce milk every time she acts maternally - towards anyone.

It was something she kept to herself until you found out about it on accident. When she breastfed you for the first time she felt a relief, both physical and emotional. It felt right to her, being able to nurture you in such a way that was so intimate but not sexually. And the physical relief if brought to her breasts could have made her cry. If she went too long without expelling the milk her breasts would ache something terrible.

She did her best to ignore the fullness in her chest as she laid you on her chest and rubbed circles across your back in bed.

Alcina definitely helped you relax, you were way less distraught and upset than you were when you first got back. Now you were just exhausted.

"Is there anything else you need draga mea?" She asks.

You shake your head no and let out a sigh as you melt into her embrace. Just as you feel yourself falling asleep a loud growl rips through your stomach and you suddenly realize how hungry you are.

"Draga did you have dinner?"

"No, I forgot. I was gonna stop and eat something in the village but I was so upset I just wanted to come home."

"Oh draga, let me have a maid bring you something."

"That's okay, I'm not in the mood for eating." You say as your stomach grumbles again.

"Clearly you are hungry, draga mea. You have to eat something." You shrug your shoulders and nuzzle into her neck. The pressure in Alcina's breasts increases at the action and she shifts to make herself more comfortable. She's breastfed you before, but for some reason she's still feels embarrassed each time she suggests it. Even though she knows that it would both feed you and bring you extra comfort. "What if - if you're not up for a proper dinner, do you want me to feed you?"

You can hear the hesitation in her voice, you know how sensitive of a topic this is for her but you love that she suggests it regardless of her hesitation. Nodding your head yes, Alcina kisses you on the head and sits you up in her lap. She reaches behind her back and pulls down the zipper of her dress and slides her arms out of the sleeves. After the fabric pools around her waist she reaches behind her back once more and unclips her bra. She removes her bra and you're face-to-face with her massive, amazing breasts.

"Ready, draga?" She asks and you nod your head.

Alcina cradles you in the crook of her arm and guides her nipple into your mouth. You immediately latch on and begin to suck, warm milk spilling out into your mouth. Alcina sighs from the relief of the pressure and sits back against the headboard. She runs her fingers through your hair and smiles, happy that she is able to care for you in such a way - especially when you needed it so badly.

Warm milk fills your empty belly and you hum in response. You feel Alcina's fingers comb through your hair and you close your eyes, relaxing into her touch as you continue to drink from her breast. The steady flow of milk begins to thin and eventually stops, no matter how much you suck at her hardened nipple.

"Still hungry iubirea mea?" She asks.

"Mhm."

"Okay love, one second."

Alcina turns you and cradles you in her other arm and once again guides her nipple into your eager mouth. Latching on again, you continue to drink the steady flow of milk from her breast.

"Good girl, that's it my love. Eat as much as you need. You and I both know I have no issues with shortages." She says and you giggle into her skin as you drink.

The warmth in your belly spreads throughout your body, to your limbs, to your fingers and toes, to your head and your face. With the warmth comes the exhaustion you were feeling earlier and your eyes begin to slowly close.

Alcina notices your suckling getting lighter and lighter before stopping altogether. Looking down at you, she finds you asleep with her nipple still in your mouth and a steam of milk down your cheek. She lightly chuckles before pulling you back and wiping away the milk with her thumb.

The movement and the sensation of her wiping her thumb across your cheek stirs you awake and you look up at her with tired eyes.

"Are you full draga mea?"

"Mhm." You mumble as you nod your head yes.

"Good." She says caressing your face. "Go to sleep iubirea mea."

Alcina moves to lay you on the bed but you cling to her.

"Stay." You say, your voice barely a whisper.

"I will be right back, I promise. I am going to put my nightgown on and get ready for bed and I will be right back. Okay?"

You sleepily nod your head and Alcina lays you on the pillow next to her. She kisses you on the head before pulling the covers over you and getting up and getting herself ready for bed. For all you know it could have been hours or seconds since Alcina said she would be right back. But before you know it you feel the mattress sink under her weight and you feel her strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into her.

"Thank you, Alci. I love you." You mumble.

"Of course iubirea mea. I'd do anything for you draga. Te iubesc mai mult decât luna și stelele. Goodnight my love." She says as her lips graze the shell of your ear. Alcina kisses the soft skin behind your ear and nuzzles you as you cuddle further back into her. (I love you more than the moon and stars.)

Not long after, Alcina hears light snores coming from you. With a full heart and a smile on her face, Alcina falls asleep thinking of who she is going to replace the current mayor with once she's through with him tomorrow morning.

[listofwhyyouloveher]

How the gang are when there first in love/ in a relationship

Summary: The Outsiders in the honeymoon phase. Warnings: bad relationships (only because they don't know what they're doing) Author's Note: not quite sure what this ask meant but i tried my best lol

PONYBOY CURTIS Being in a relationship with Ponyboy is like always being in the puppy love phase. Because you both are so young, you don't really understand how 'true relationships' work. He's taking you on dates and stuff but you two have never had any serious issue because its not a super serious relationship and you two never have much to fight about. When you first start dating he's always picking flowers for you, and although that slows over time the sentiment never fades and he always has the 'couple aesthetic' in mind, i.e. doing things that he would see other couples do just for the sake of looking like a couple and acting like one. JOHNNY CADE Being in a relationship with Johnny is hard, he's vunerable but also emotionally unavalible at the same time. But he tries his best to be a good boyfriend, especially at the beginning of the relationship. He doesn't take you on 'dates' per say, rather shows up at your house or where you're hanging out when he has free time, you two will just chat for a while or fall asleep. He doesn't want to introduce the gang to you, he feels as if its a part of him he doesn't want you to see yet, and your a part of him that he doesn't want the gang to see. SODAPOP CURTIS Soda has been in only a couple of relationships, despite his charm, and they were usually playground relationships, things that sparked in elementary because of silly reasons. He has a lot of trust issues, especially from Sandy, and he's always hesitant when starting a relationship and even taking the relationship up a notch. Because of that, he's a little more reserved when you're dating, but sometimes he can break out of his shell and be calm and relaxed around you. STEVE RANDLE Steve's been in plenty of relationships, mostly when he was in middle school and beginning of highschool and they never usually meant much.

He's always tried to put in a little effort, he's just not sure what he needs to do, especially because there aren't many good relationship models around him. He tries to bring you flowers once and a while, and get you gifts and small outings, but beyond that he doesn't understand. There's always a lack of communication and sometimes feelings are hurt. TWO BIT MATHEWS Two Bit is always looking for a girlfriend, he likes the idea of it. He has very high standards and expects you to know what he wants immedietly. He's always very open about things, especially his family life because he loves them a lot. You also get to meet his sister pretty early on in the relationship. Expect a lot of joke-making, that's his personality. He's got a whole load of jokes stacked up in his mind for the right time and place. P.S. please laugh or he will get sad. DARRY CURTIS Darry really tries hard to be the best he can in a relationship. But he's balancing a lot of things mentally and sometimes he gets overwhelmed. He never takes his anger out on you but he does drift away with out reason until you seek him out, which isn't a really healthy way to maintain a relationship. Regardless, you tell him that you'll give him space when he needs but he must tell you that he wants it or else both parties are going to be hurt. He understands and tries his best from then on. DALLAS WINSTON I love him, but he's going to be a shit boyfriend. Especially after all the things went down with Sylvia, he's got loads of trust issues too. Always making sure you don't talk to anyone that he doesn't fuck with. He get's very possessive and jealous, but he doesn't fight others like a lot of people think but instead takes it out on you. He gets really pissed a lot of the time and you guys take a lot of breaks early in the relationship. He'll only let you wear his St. Christopher once he trusts you enough, he says it's because you could run off with them or something. It's really hard to win his trust but with enough time you do it.

[nanomooselet]

Stampede Plant Talk

#if you want to add the rest of your points please do!

Do you realise what you've unleashed.

Not to ruin the magic, but when I write my analyses it's often inspired by visuals. So I figured the best place to start would be with this visual. Like... that's simple, isn't it?

I thought, obviously blue is Knives's colour while Vash's is red. Healthy Plants glow blue, dying ones dim to red. It would seem blue is for Plants and red is for humans. And so clearly Knives is aligned with the Plants, and embracing his Plantness, while Vash is more human and thus aligned with humanity… right?

Yeah, no.

Truthfully if there's a definitive visual motif for the twins, it's not expressed in terms of something that dualistic. But that's a little outside the scope of this post.

A dependent, Vash says, needs a human to take care of it, or the Plant just uses its energy up all at once and dies. I'm guessing that means: what a Plant will produce, when and in what quantity is in the hands of the technician programming it. Being Independent means a Plant has all that under personal control. They all produce different kinds of energy and matter (which are, in a complicated scientific way, the same thing in different states). They are essentially living generators - machines.

They're still made out of meat, though. For some reason. (They do look like sea creatures, and the higher plane is very oceanic in appearance.)

Having the Plant produce more than its Gate can withstand producing means it's left only with the energy reserves of its body to sustain it. The Last Run harvests that energy. Resembles very very rapidly developing dehydration - eyes bulging, skin blackening, skin tightening. It's a very ugly way to die. Their bulbs go red, and then go dark, because the fluid they're in is clouded with blood. The same is true of when they're cut off from the higher plane because they're been overworked.

Dr. Conrad said to Knives that these Plants couldn't be healed in the way Knives demanded of him, and I think he's being truthful. Because Vash also didn't heal the Plant at Jeneora Rock.

In the pictures above, they're at the "terminal stage"; using them any more would push it into a Last Run. Note the colour. Red as blood.

These are the ones Vash does heal. More pink than red, lighter - brighter.

Vash isn't donating energy to a Plant when he heals it; the ones aboard Ship 3 weren't dying because they were overworked or injured. The SEEDS fleet didn't make use of the Last Run, nor did they have to rely on a dwindling number of Plants to survive. They were in deep space on a journey taking hundreds of years, with all those people whose cryosleep had to be maintained. They weren't in crisis. They were planning for a long journey to build a better world at their destination, not a crash. Plants that glow blue/white are healthy. It was paradise; no one had to struggle to survive.

Luida says the problem with these Plants is that they aren't compatible with the environment they're in, and she is a geo-Plant specialist. I believe her.

Vash's super special healing power? The job only he can do? Vash is not being made to act like a battery, giving up his lifeforce to keep everyone else alive. He's not sacrificing himself. That's what Knives assumed, because that's all he sees humans do. (A whole one time before he started killing people.)

Plants do communicate with sound, but not in a frequency humans seem capable of hearing and I suspect it's because they use their Gates. Dependent Plants - and Knives - can only produce a sound. Their Gates are one-way.

Vash's Gate is two-way. He can both produce and receive. He can exchange.

He can have a dialogue.

He's hearing the Plants when they cry out for help then just... going to talk with them. Understanding them. Helping them feel more comfortable. Keeping them company. When Luida asked him so kindly to be a counsellor for the Plants, she said what she meant and she meant what she said.

Vash is a Plant therapist. And he's a good one! He travelled everywhere accompanied by his stepdad just… being kind to humans and Plants, looking after them, teaching them how to take care of each other. And he loves doing it. It's the happiest he looks after the Fall. Brad even tells him, in a very Brad kind of way, that he's done a great job; travelling with this brat beats what it was like just after the crash. And then he gives Vash water and Vash tells him he's a nice guy (and Brad gets offended lmao).

The one who assumes the humans were hurting or using him was as per fucking usual Millions Knives! Because that gives him an excuse to take bloody revenge! And everybody fell for his bullshit! Man, I'm beginning to think when Studio Orange directed Austin Tindle to make Knives sound villainous, they made the right decision.

Now, if you want to be sad?

Vash is doing so much good. He loves doing it. He's the only one who can.

But Rem wanted to see Plants and humans understand each other and she's gone. Vash is fulfilling her dream, but he's doing it alone.

Now compare the colour of his coat to the colour of the Plants. Which matches more closely? The ones who are forced to work beyond their capacity, their bodies gruesomely and horribly used without their consent for the benefit of humans?

Or the ones in emotional distress?

[erinistyping]

“Tf did you just call me?”

Note : I will be doing requests but it depends if this even gets any traction but  idk i hope you like this?? :))

Warning : Not much of a plot !!SMUT!!

~~~~

You always loved the way Richarlison’s lips felt on your skin, you always seemed to melt right into him every time he touched you. Right now you were sitting on your couch watching reruns of your favorite show, Meanwhile Richarlison was sitting on the opposite end of the couch on his phone. He was still upset from the fight you had earlier about Neymar getting "too close" today.

The thing is Neymar was your best friend and you were sure he didn't mean it like that , you were sure he didn't mean to overstep with Richy but you sure did get an earful after you got into the car. You couldn't quite understand why he was so upset and you weren’t sure if you wanted to find out.

Just then you got up and sat on his lap straddling him "What are you doing" he says not even looking up at you. "are you still mad at me baby?" you say leaning down to place kisses on his neck sucking lightly to leave a mark. "I can never stay mad at you, amor." he says while reaching down to grip your ass abandoning his phone. After hearing his words you smirked knowing it's true, you continued to kiss but harder but by this time you started to feel him getting hard. When he's finally had enough of your teasing his picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder and taking you to the bedroom.

When you got to the bedroom he immediately starts undressing gesturing you to do the same, and you do, taking off the shirt you had borrowed from him and some shorts you bought awhile ago leaving you in your Black lace bra and matching underwear, you go lay down on the bed. When he's finally done he looks at you a way you've never seen before..so dark..so much lust is in those eyes, you started getting wet just thinking about what he would do to you. 

As he started to walk over to you clenched your legs together to maintain to pool forming in your underwear, "getting wet already amor? I haven’t even touched you yet." he says smirking "i need you, please" you say as he pulls you legs apart replacing the empty space with his knee as he goes to kiss you, one hand reaching up to grip around your throat the other going down to slip into your underwear rubbing circles around your clit causing you to moan into the kiss. He never failed to make you feel good he always knew just what to do.

When his lips pulled away so did his hands causing your eyes to shoot open meeting his eyes he starts placing kisses down your body slowly while keeping eye contact causing a shaky breath to release from your lips.

When he finally reached your underwear he attached his teeth to the black lace and began dragging the lace garments off your legs painfully slow "fuck" you say between shaky breaths. When he has removed them he made his way to your heat blowing on your clit lightly causing you to attempt to rub your legs together to gain some friction. " ah..ah..ah" Richy says shaking his head 

"You needed me right? you nod "so be patient." he says dipping his head between your thighs "Oh..fuck" you say throwing your head back as he licks a stripe on your bundle of nerves inserting two fingers while he sucks on your clit "You’re so wet for me baby" as his fingers slide in and out of you the closer you got and he could tell, as you're moans got more high pitched and your breathing got deeper he went faster.

"Fuck Neymar" you whined before you could stop yourself. He stopped. Everything stopped. "Tf did you just call me?" He said loudly. Your eyes shot open. He had this cold expression on his face, one you've never seen before.

"Richy I-" You tried getting out " I didn’t mean for that to come out i'm sorry i don’t-" He walked out the room, only to come back a few seconds later with a a couple of ties. "Baby speak to me i'm sorry" You said quietly. 

He didn’t say a word he just began tying your wrists to the headboard, then your legs. “Eu vou te foder até você esquecer o nome dele amor” He says eerily, you know he’s mad he never ties you up unless you really fucked up and you know you fucked up. “eyes on me” he says as his fingers ghost over my body “Eyes on me. now.” he says rubbing your clit fast in circles as he attaches his mouth to your nipple. Making you gasp at the sudden contact “oh my god” you saying throwing your head back “Look at me” he reminds you. 

You could’ve cum just looking at him, Right when you were about to release he stopped, causing you to whine he gets up and goes to he nightstand to grab a condom, you bite your lip watching him put it on. “If you cum before i let you i’m stopping and you’re staying in here tied up all night. Understood?” He says firmly looking you straight in the eyes. “Understood.” You said nodding “Good Girl” he says with a kiss. 

Just then he rammed into you not giving you enough time to adjust “Fuck Richy” you moan “You like that huh?” he breathes out “You love it when i fuck you hard huh?” “answer me slut.” He says as he wraps a hand around my throat, squeezing slightly. “f-fuck y-yes” You moan “Fuck, it doesn’t matter how may times i fuck you, you’re always tight for me huh?” he says going faster “mmmhmmm” you answer unable to speak real words with the amount of pleasure he’s giving you. 

You could cum right now but remember what he said, it was getting harder to hold in toes curling. “Please baby” you moan “Please what amor” he says and you can tell he’s getting close “Please let me cum baby, please i’m sorry j-just please let me cum” you get out “ you wanna come baby? is that what you want” He says rubbing your clit giving you a push you didn’t need “ Yes! f-fuck please.” You say basically shouting. He leans over to your ear and whispers “Let it go bebê. Cum for me” You both cum together and he pulls out and unties you, rubbing your wrists. “what’s my name amor?” he says smiling at you “Richy stop” you say rolling your eyes giggling. 

“te amo meu menino lindo” 

“eu também te amo minha linda”

[freakspectors]

OH BOY NEW IDV TEXT BLOG!! Might I request either Wu Chang or Antonio with a selectively mute reader?? (PLATONIC PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I DO NOT WISH TO DATE THE IDENTITY V)

𝒮𝑒𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝑀𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝐻𝒸𝓈 .

A (Separate) Platonic Wu Chang/Violinist x Gender Neutral Reader .

warnings ; none ! only fluff .

authors note ; oh gee , I wonder who this is .. /j anyways this was so cute to receive and I'm really sad I didn't have the time to do it immediately because of SCHOOL .. but here i am !! also this is my first time writing for either of them please don't jump me ;; .... okay okay enough of me read the hcs

𝒲𝓊 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔 | 𝒳𝒾𝑒 𝐵𝒾'𝒶𝓃 + 𝐹𝒶𝓃 𝒲𝓊𝒿𝒾𝓊 .

✦ The most understanding people ever you don't get it at all.

✦ I like to think that both of them are the type of people to be fine with not talking when they're with someone they're close to.

✦ You could be doing a completely different thing from what either one of them is doing in complete silence. But it's bonding time. You two are being buddies and bonding together. If you get what I'm saying.

✦ They're both really attentive. They can tell when you're uncomfortable and have gone mute because of that.

✦ They both have different styles when comforting you. Xie Bi'an is more calm and reserved, and Fan Wujiu is very .. concerned and daunted. All in all they both want to make sure you're okay.

✦ Xie Bi'an is so sweet oh em gaurd.

✦ He would do anything you ask, getting anything you need, giving you space if you wish for it, everything under the sun. It's almost motherly the way he makes sure you're okay.

✦ Once you start talking again, he makes sure you're okay once more. The last thing he wants is for you to get upset and go mute again. god I love him so much ;;

✦ Wujiu on the other hand .. He means well trust him ;;

✦ He's far more clingy than Bi'an. He'll be with you until you're verbal and comfortable again.

✦ He's the same as Bi'an when it comes to getting you things though. He'll get it with urgency too.

✦ Like if you blink twice he'll be gone and back. It's a little scary.

✦ The type of friend to make harsh jokes but get really upset if someone does the same.

✦ He'll like. Spectate you in silence. Unsettling but gives a sense of comfort. for some reason.

✦ In all seriousness, the both of them truly care about you. They just express it in very .. very different ways.

𝒱𝒾𝑜𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝓉 | 𝒜𝓃𝓉𝑜𝓃𝒾𝑜 𝒫𝒶𝑔𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓃𝒾 .

✦ Okay. first of all I feel like 'Toni would be such a fun friend to have.

✦ Not only that, he'd be such a caring one aaaaghhh ;;;

✦ A simple gesture towards him about how you're uncomfortable in a situation he'll make an excuse to leave with you.

✦ It takes a little asking questions and head nods for him to realize you're non-verbal, but when he gets to that conclusion he's great comforter.

✦ He'll play songs for you, tell stories about his (sour) losses at the casino, etc. He's amazing.

✦ If you want space, he'll give you space. Just call for him if youre verbal again and need something.

✦ Or hit him in the head with a paper airplane. Either way he'll answer.

✦ He'll stare at you dumbfounded if you throw an airplane at him though.

✦ A game or two of charades will have been played before he understands it's a note.

✦ He's an idiot. Just a little. But it's funny so it's okay

✦ But on a serious note, he really doesn't like seeing you upset.

✦ You're one of the closest friends he's had in a while - you're the only person he's had some sort of relationship with in ages, actually.

✦ Because of this , he tries to maintain your happiness and you two's friendship the best he can.

✦ All in all, Antonio is a great friend. Keep him.

@ orpherizz 2023 . do not share or repost .

[armed-with-a-waffle-iron]

The Beginning of Babs and Helena's Homoerotic Dynamic 💖💜💙 (Huntress: Year One)

I absolutely adore Ivory Maddison's writing. I also love that Helena and Babs had a homoerotic thing going from the get-go! So I'll talk about both.

A young Barbara Gordon was the perfect foil to Helena. She's just as resolute and stubborn as Helena. They both stand at 5'11" and tenaciously establish themselves in male spaces. But she holds different ideals of justice, which will of course change over time. Babs is a more traditional superhero, concerned with a rather binary of justice; there're only good and bad actions. Good guys should be revered and bad guys aren't really worthy of respect. It's ironic that Helena protests Babs's toasting to Mandragora's death considering she's his killer. Helena has a complicated relationship with justice. She maintains her devotion to and faith in god but has found herself on a lonely quest for vengeance in a world where blood only cries for more blood. She's lost but who's to say that Babs isn't also?

On the note of foils, I love how differently they're drawn. Helena has darker hair, skin and clothes than Babs. And Babs wears her hair up, paints her nails, and wears a suit and shirt. Babs represents a status quo-upholding good-doer while Helena's vigilante crusade is shrouded in the history of horror and blood that she was born into.

"We get the most upset at others when they mirror what we hate about ourselves."

In what ways does Babs mirror Helena? She's a legal librarian and, as we know, she's Batgirl. She's committed to serving justice, albeit a possibly different type to Helena's. She's also pleased by the death of Mandragora, who Helena chose to kill. The reason Helena dismisses Babs as naïve is because Helena senses a sheen of hubris, dogma and even aimlessness around Barbara's actions and words. And Helena resentfully recognises these traits in herself and condescends Babs to compensate. And Babs sees through this too, to an extent, because she also became defensive for the same reasons.

Helena makes a crude joke and, humoured, Babs seems to think they could be friends. But unfortunately more similarities pop up. Not only is Babs a fellow American but she's a fellow Gothamite. Helena has to take a drink.

"...I'm increasingly favouring kevlar and body armor[.] I'm sure we'd have a lot in common."

I find Maddison hilarious. But also, it's kinda important that the humour comes from the dramatic irony of the scene. We know one's Huntress and one's Batgirl but they don't! We know how similar they really are while they're just learning it and they've not even scratched the surface. That's how you write an origin story, like wow!

Moreover, the uncanny familiarity they feel instantly ends up drawing them apart. Helena is scared to get to know Babs because it might force her to face herself. So she retreats, not like Babs would know anything about being a vigilante, right? That "ciao" is also an attempt at putting some distance between her and this (fellow) American. Babs on the other hand overcompensates and unintentionally pushes Helena away. No way this girl's like me, maybe she's more girlie-- I could try to act more girly. The "unlike you, us Italians are always going to funerals" line is super ironic considering that Babs lost both her biological parents to a car crash and that this story is set just months before Jason Todd dies.

Anyways, pretty homosexual, huh? :)

"Someone needs to teach you right from wrong..."

"Funny, I was just about to say that to you."

I love how fucking obsessed they are with each other. And Helena unconsciously reacts identically to how Babs did earlier: "not your best friend, apparently". We all know "friends" can't adequately really describe this.

Again, the conflict of hero vs antihero is central to their story. "[I'm] good. You're bad. End of story" says Babs; again we see her simple, more traditional ethos of heroism. However, as Helena said, we're "at the beginning of the story", not the end; justice is just more complicated than that. "Everyone thinks they're the good guys" vs "sometimes there really are good guys" reveals Helena's self-destructive tendency to self-isolate and look out only for herself. Babs's line foreshadows a truth Helena speaks later: "on the ground, you must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim". The fact that Helena wins this fight indicates an understanding of justice beyond that of the traditional hero's but a failure to grasp the importance of solidarity. It's telling that Catwoman watches the fight from the shadows. Helena later demonstrates her appreciate of the theme of solidarity Babs speaks of in her mission statement as she baptises herself as "The Huntress". Also these fights are the gayest things I've ever seen.

Huntress: Year One #4-6

[purplevortexx]

THE LIES WE TELL 🃟 ONE 🃟 FIRST IMPRESSIONS

🃟 add yourself to my tag list(s) here 🃟

pairing 🃟 CEO! Hangman X Bodyguard! Reader

warnings 🃟 swearing, Jake seresin being a little shit (affectionate), javy machado needs a hug

a/n 🃟 the beginning! Here we gooooooooooo!!!! As always please reblog and comment, feedback is very much appreciated 💜

The towering structure of the Seresin Technology building casts a dark shadow over the space where you’ve parked your car. The sleek colours of the logo, despite being muted and dull, make you feel nauseous but that’s more than likely due to lack of sleep. Over the past week you’ve been staying up late in order to perfect the plan on how best to protect your mark whilst also maintaining a solid cover so he doesn’t suspect a thing.

Your saving grace throughout the preparation for this job has been Javy. His in depth knowledge of Jake’s life means he’s been there with valuable suggestions to help you. But despite his input being most helpful, you’ve never met someone as meticulous as Javy. He’s spent the last week spamming your emails with anything he thinks you might need to know in your dual role as Jake’s secretary and bodyguard. It never occurred to you to expect to be bombarded with as much information as you have been, as evidenced by the list of questions in your bag alongside a copy of the company’s procedures Javy had sent to the Dagger security office a few days ago.

Exiting you vehicle, you take a deep breath before strolling with faux confidence into the building. It’s something Mav always says to you ‘fake it til you make it’ .

After obtaining a temporary pass from the front desk, you check your phone for the directions for Javy’s office. Walking in what you hope is the right direction, you twirl the business card given to you by Javy between your fingertips as a way of calming your nerves. You’re due in the office to meet Javy at 9am sharp. It’s only 8:30 but you like being early and as it turns out so does Javy.

As you walk into his office, you see him hunched over a laptop, tapping furiously at the keyboard with his face fixed into a frown. He’s dressed in a sleek grey suit, the jacket of which is draped haphazardly over the back of his chair. The sleeves of his white shirt are folded unevenly up his arms, with one being above the elbow and the other slightly below. Engrossed in his work, the dark haired man doesn’t appear to have heard you knock so you clear your throat as you enter and he looks up, his expression softening slightly as he takes in your appearance and mutters a soft “morning”.

Javy rises from his desk and crosses the room to close the door behind you. “Sorry,” he apologises, going back to typing when he sits back down on the expensive leather of his desk chair, “we’re having some renevations done on one of our office buildings and there were some burst pipes so, absolute shit storm as you can imagine.”

You smile softly at his bewildered state, stating softly “It’s alright, I’m early.” Javy checks his watch and nods, sighing softly in relief. “Is there much damage?” You ask, sliding into the seat across from him.

“Not really,” he says, sliding back into his seat. “It’s just, we’re supposed to be moving in there soon . Jake had a big input into the design of the building.” Another three successive pings sound and Javy frowns at his phone. He continues, “It’s supposed to be a more secure place for the development of our new technology.” “He’s getting really paranoid about having everything in one building.”

“That’s understandable.” You say, taking a quick glance around the room. It’s a pretty standard office, no personal items of note on Javy’s desk apart from a paper weight in the shape of a dog which you assume has to have been a gag gift that he’s just never gotten round to getting rid of. The man sat in front of you doesn’t seem like the type to have knickknacks and family pictures- too much of a workaholic by your observations.

“Yeah well, his paranoia isn’t exactly unfounded.”

Frowning, you question, “What do you mean?”

“I told you about the letters right?” You nod in reply. “Well they didn’t just threaten Jake. There were some specifics about the company. Stuff that an outsider wouldn’t - couldn’t know.”

“So you’re saying…”

Javy finishes your sentence for you, “I’m pretty sure it’s someone within the company who’s sending these damn letters.”

“Who?”

“Well if I knew that, I’d know who the fuck I need to fire.” Your eyes widen at Javy’s outburst as he winces at the volume of his own voice. “Sorry,” he mutters quietly. “What with everything going on, I’m a bit on edge,”

You nod in understanding. “I get it, and I can keep an eye out for anyone suspicious but my priority is protecting Jake.”

Javy nods vigorously. “Of course! That’s exactly what I hired you to do.” He says, “I’ll work out who it is that’s sending these letters and you focus on -“

The door swings open as Javy is speaking, actively cutting him off. It’s lucky he didn’t continue what he was saying as the man who walks into the office is the last person you’d want to hear it but with the way Jake Seresin breezes into the office with his nose basically planted into his smartphone, you decide it’s unlikely you need to be worried about him having heard anything.

Despite it being only you and Javy in the room, his presence automatically commands respect. Maybe it’s his 6’0” frame with what you’re sure is lots of muscle covered by the expensive material of his suit. Looking over him appreciatively, you come to understand why Jake has topped the ‘Hottest CEO’s in California’ list for 5 years running. Those green eyes and stubble covered jaw have probably got him many perks over the years, and not just the cover of a few magazines.

Noting Javy’s indifference at his friends entrance, you conclude this must be a regular occurance for Jake to glide into his office, as the man sat behind the desk doesn’t even flinch at the intrusion aside from his pause in speech. Javy doesn’t raise from his seat like you do, which gathers the blond man’s attention enough to tear his eyes away from the screen in his hand.

Instead of addressing you, he speaks to Javy. “Thought you said 9am man.”

Taken aback by his blatant ignorance, you decide to make yourself impossible to ignore and before Javy can reply to his friend, you interrupt moving to stand directly in front of your new boss. “Early is on time, on time is late.” You say simply, quoting another of Mav’s famous ‘sayings’ as you hold your hand out in Jake’s direction. “Y/n” you state your name sharply.

He turns to you, a smirk on his face at your outwardly irritated demeanour. Pocketing his phone, he turns to you fully. “Jake Seresin.” He sticks out his hand in return, his navy blue suit riding up slightly higher on his forearm as he extends his palm to meet your own.

His handshake is firm and his silver watch clinks as your hands move. No sooner has he shook your hand, his phone chimes in his pocket and he retracts, fishing the device out and frowning at the screen much like Javy does. “No offence sweetheart, but there’s a lot to learn here, maybe you should take a couple of days, read over the procedures of the company.” He barely looks up from his phone, tapping away at the screen as he talks to you. “You’ll need to know them like the back of your hand if you’re working with me,”

Clearing your throat, you almost roll your eyes as Jake raises a finger and continues typing. It’s only when there’s a whoosh indicating a sent email that he glances your way. You give him a sickly sweet smile. “You mean these procedures?” The folder given to you by Javy is gripped in your hand, the bright red of the cover practically glaring in the face of the man in front of you.

A mild look of shock crosses Jakes face as his eyes snap to the binder in your hand. It turns into his signature megawatt smile so quick that you nearly don’t catch it but it’s there, you’ve gotten to him.

“ I figured I should know my stuff ‘like the back of my hand’ if I’m going to be working closely with you.” you use finger quotations to mock him and although the grin stays fixed on his face, his eyebrows raise slightly in mirth.

“Touché” he drawls, looking you up and down in intrigue. Usually, an action like that would make your skin crawl but Jake isn’t doing it to check you out. It’s almost as if he’s fascinated by you. As if to prove your point, Jake keeps his eyes on yours, his gaze never wavering as he addresses his best friend.

“Where’d you find her Javy?”

“Uh,” The man sat at the desk hesitates and you’re pretty sure your heart stops beating. ‘C’mon Javy’ you think ‘don’t blow this before it’s even started,’.

“She’s a family friend.” He blurts out and you can barely contain your sigh of relief. Jake doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t comment on it. The mention of being someone reccommended by his best friend seems enough to satiate his curiosity for the time being.

Jake hums in thought and finally tears his gaze away from you. “Javy, I’m gonna put a call in to Bella and get a laptop and phone ready, would you chase up Dan and get the log in details and clearance through the system for y/n?”

“I’ve been trying but Dan keeps stonewalling me.”

“That’s because I hadn’t met her yet,” he nods to you. “When you have everything, come find me. I’ll be in my office all day so we can go over some things.” You nod, taking note of how cautious he is with people he doesn’t know.

Jakes phone starts ringing then and he pats his friend on the shoulder muttering a “thanks man,” before he puts the phone up to his ear and heads out of the room.

As soon as the door closes, Javy lets out something akin to a loud sigh and slides down in his chair. “I hate lying to him,” he says, his voice muffled by the hand he’s running over his face.

You take the seat across from him once again and kick your feet up on his desk. “Well, suck it up buttercup. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.” You say, and Javy looks up with a small scowl on his face. “Now how about you get me set up on all the systems so I can do what you’re paying me to do,” you suggest sassily and Javy picks up the phone in front of him.

As he holds the phone to his ear, waiting for the person he’s dialling to answer, he taps the toe of the shoe that’s closest to him. “And how’s about you keep your damn feet off my desk, huh?“

You chuckle and mock salute him, retracting your legs from where they’re laid across the mahogany. “He’s pretty paranoid, huh?” You say and Javy frowns.

“Uh-huh, lucky he likes you though.”

“Likes me?” You scoff, “he barely spoke to me,”

Javy starts typing again whilst he talks to you, the phone still balanced between his face and shoulder. “Listen, I’ve known Jake since we were kids and trust me if he didn’t like you, you wouldn’t still be standing in my office. You’re already part way there. Just get him to trust you and you’ll be fine.”

“Any tips on how to do that?” You ask, “I get the feeling he doesn’t trust many people,”

“Just be real with him,” Javy says and you nearly laugh.

It’s solid advice- but there’s just one problem running through your mind: ‘how am I supposed to be real if I’m lying straight to his face?’

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[vamossainz55]

Moonlight Ch. 8 | Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader

a/n: okay, a day late, but guys, bare with me. this is a lot (i know i say it but tbh i have not been letting anyone catch a break lmao). warnings are pretty heavy? or this chapter is probably just the heaviest in general. i really hated writing most of it (just because i was getting my scheduled writers block) and was struggling but i really hope you enjoy <3, i really put all my heart (and tears) in this one.

as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated <3

warnings: 18+ // angst, a lot of self deprication lowkey? abandonment issues lowkey? smut tho, like pretty heavy and explicit (oral, p in v, unprotected sex but pls wrap it irl guys 💀. neck grabbing, degradation, name calling, quite kinky ngl so please look away if it isnt your thing and just skip the part. if you are under 18 pleas please stay away!), also cheating, like straight up cheating and mentions of cheating. oops. sorry not sorry .

link to masterlist + summary

link to chapter 7

Chapter 8 (6.4k words)

The two weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions, Carlos was still imprinted into your brain and no matter how many nights you slept next to Bastien, all you could think about was the press of Carlos’ skin against yours. 

You try your best to wash the feeling away, or hope that late nights with Bastien would get the driver out of your mind, but you soon learn this is useless. It’s frustrating, and you feel the need to scream. 

Being away hadn’t helped at all, it had only made your mind wander more. You wondered what would have happened with Carlos, what the driver was feeling, was he also thinking of you as much as you were thinking of him?

All the thoughts came with bitterness too though, because all you could also think about was why the two of you had broken up. It was always mutually agreed but the more you thought about it the more upset you felt, at the end of the day Carlos was the one who broke up with you. 

It wasn’t fair. 

You had finally gotten over Carlos and somehow he had crawled back into your mind and made himself at home. Was he to blame though? You had practically opened the door and welcomed him in. 

To make matters worse, Bastien was not making it any of this easier. He would bring up Carlos at every opportunity, holding it against you for every little thing. You felt hopeless, and although you understood why Bastien felt the way he did it only made you feel even further away from him. The only times you both didn’t argue was when you were in bed, sharing fevered kisses with your hands roaming on each other's bodies. 

The moment you arrive back in the UK you feel even worse than when you left. The excitement of the season starting had worn off and all you felt was dread.

You were dreading being away from Bastien, and even worse you were dreading being around Carlos. Bastien had made it loud and clear before you left that you both needed some distance and you promised him you would maintain some space from the Spaniard. 

That’s why you decline Carlos’ offer to drive you to the office for the briefing two days before your flight to Melbourne. 

You arrive late to the meeting because of this, having pushed yourself to go after swallowing down the anxiety that had built inside you. You see Carlos and Lando sitting in the front and there’s a chair next to Carlos who instantly gives you a smile before patting the empty spot. You give him a quick smile before making a beeline to the back of the room, missing the drop of his smile as soon as you look away. 

The sight of him was already making you feel sick. 

The planning team is nice and you’re impressed with how detailed they are, planning the trip to the T. You’re taking down notes in your notebook to make sure you have everything written down for the trip before you feel a shift next to you. To your surprise you find Carlos sitting down next to you. 

“Hey,” he murmurs in a low voice and you instantly start feeling a bit nervous. 

“Hey,” you say trying to sound as dismissive as possible but Carlos nudges your side with his arm, making you look over at him again. 

“You okay? Why were you late?” He asks and you’re still focused on taking down your notes. 

“Missed the bus,” you murmur, still not looking up at Carlos. You’re about to flip to the next page when Carlos stops you, grabbing the notebook from you and putting it on his lap. 

“Y/n,” he says and you’re taking a deep breath. “What’s up? I thought we were good.” He says and you shrug. 

“We are, I just wanna make sure I have everything noted down.” You’re properly looking at him now and he’s leaning close to you because of how you were both whispering to each other. 

“You’re avoiding me now, I’m not dumb.” Carlos argues, moving the notebook away from you as soon as you try to take it from him. You give him a stern look, one that says stop it but he doesn’t give it back, simply holding it further away from you. 

“Can we talk about this later?” You ask, not wanting to have the conversation infront of dozens of people. 

Carlos looks sceptical as soon as you say this and he lets out a sigh before nodding. You expect him to give the notebook back as you extend your hand out for him to return it but he simply shakes his head. 

“Not until we talk.” He says before he’s getting up with your notebook to sit back next to Lando, not caring about the heads that were turning to look at him. 

Later turns out to be later in the evening much to your dismay. Tom apparently had a few things he had to catch you up to and you had told Carlos that you both could just talk before your flight to Melbourne but you’re quick to realise as you’re leaving the office that Carlos was still there. 

He was sitting by the lobby, arms on his knees as he scrolled through his phone with his head down. For a second you wonder whether you can sneak out without him noticing you but your footsteps prompt him to look up. 

“Ah- thought you were never going to finish. Let’s go? I’ll drive you home.” He says as he’s getting up. You realise his hand is nicely wrapped around your notebook still and you wonder how long he had sat there and waited for you by himself. 

For a moment you consider taking the ride from Carlos but you’re soon hearing a soft nagging voice in your head that sounds too much like Bastien that has you glued to the floor, not walking to the door. Carlos takes a second to notice this before he’s turning to you. He’s halfway to the exit and he can’t help but to furrow his brows. 

“What’s up? You don’t want me to drive you home now?” He asks and you simply shake your head, knowing that you need to already start to set boundaries. It wasn’t fair for both Bastien and Carlos. Sure, you knew Carlos was just offering a ride, but you needed to draw the line already.

“I should go home by myself.” You say and Carlos looks confused, looking at you and waiting for you to explain further. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself to speak. 

“I talked to Bastien about what happened,” You explain, looking around to see whether there was anybody around. “I think it’s better if we keep some distance. I love Bastien and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or jeopardise our relationship.”

It takes a moment for Carlos to process the words, and he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to say the punchline of the joke. When he realises you’re being serious he runs his hand through his hair. “Come on y/n, you’re kidding right?” he chuckles a bit, and there’s a cold edge to his voice that creates a sour taste in your mouth. “We’re friends no?” He asks and you have to look away from his eyes. 

“Carlos,” You sigh out, and you’re crossing your arms over your chest. Frankly, you don’t know how to answer Carlos’ question. Sure you were friends, but you both knew there were other feelings going around. 

“If we’re just friends it shouldn’t be a problem that I hang out with you.” Carlos says and he’s coming a bit closer to you. “Unless you feel differently,” His voice lowers a bit, just to make sure if anyone passed they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. “Did that morning mean anything to you?” Carlos practically murmurs and he’s so close there’s a shiver that goes down your spine and you force yourself to step away. 

“I don’t want to talk about that Carlos.” You say, taking another step away, this time towards the door. Carlos decided to stop you though, reaching out to grab your wrist and you feel a jolt of electricity spark up your body as he holds onto you. 

“Let me just drive you home.” Carlos says searching for your eyes. “We need to talk about this, y/n.” He insists and you shake your head. You didn’t want to talk about it, you knew that it was just going to only do your head in and open up questions that could just stay closed.

“There’s nothing to talk about Carlos.” You murmur and you try to step away but Carlos is still holding your wrist. 

“That’s not true.” Carlos says, and you’re startling to feel a bit annoyed at how much Carlos was pressing on this, still holding onto your wrist. Could he not just leave the topic alone? 

“What do you even want to talk about, hm?” You ask and your voice is louder than you expected but you’re too nervous to stop yourself. “You want to get back together?” 

Carlos’ eyes go wide, not expecting you to say that and he gently pulls you closer, “Lower your voice a bit y/n.” He says and you’re scoffing, looking at him. You don’t know what comes over you but you suddenly feel both hurt and angry. 

“Oh, I see. Now you don’t want people to know we were together?” You say and this time Carlos pulls you to one of the hallways, covering your mouth in the process. 

You roll your eyes as you stumble with him into the hallway, and once the door is shut you push his arm away. 

Carlos looks pissed. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks and you almost laugh at his question and he can’t help but frown a bit at your reaction. Why couldn’t he let old topics rest?

“I think you forgot how things ended Carlos. You broke up with me. You said you needed to focus on racing, I was clearly just a distraction.” You say, clearly upset that you even had to bring up the conversation. “I have a boyfriend now, and we are doing just fine. Sure we have had our ups and downs but it’s fine these things happen. Barcelona happened but honestly- it was nothing Carlos. Nothing happened for a reason.” You don’t know where the words are coming from and you’re not sure if you mean every single one but you’re surprised with how sure you sounded. Carlos looks stunned and his lack of response has you even more emotional.

“We broke up because you left me Carlos” You say angrily. “You have no right to be messing with my brain now. So quit it.” For a second you consider just walking off and leaving but Carlos is standing in front of the door, soon speaking up. 

“I’m messing with your brain? You’re the one that walked back into my life, and don’t act like you didn’t know or mean what you were doing in my hotel room. I know you.” Carlos says and this time he is stepping closer to you but you stand your ground, not stepping back. His hair is tousled and his face is red from how frustrated he’s getting too. You can’t believe you forgot how good he looked when he was mad. 

“I am trying to make something out of my life Carlos. It’s not like I had a choice as to which team I wanted to go to.” You say in annoyance. “I shouldn’t have gone into your stupid hotel room. I regret doing that, it shouldn't have gotten that far.”

Carlos is coming closer and despite you both arguing he’s looking at you feverishly and this time you have to take a step back. This doesn’t stop Carlos from following your steps though and stepping closer to you until your back is against the wall. He’s standing right in front of you, barely leaving any space between you both and your mind is taking you back to the hotel.

You suddenly realise how clammy your hands feel and how flushed your cheeks are and the way Carlos is looking at you is making you squirm.

“What did you say hm? That you regret it?” Carlos asks and his voice is so strong and firm that it has your stomach turning. 

You almost don’t find the voice to speak, simply murmuring a small “yeah”.

You don’t sound confident at all in your answer and Carlos’ eyes are dropping to your lips. You didn’t regret what had happened. More than anything, a part of you regretted stopping it.

“Hm? Tell me then, what do you regret? Sitting on my lap? Letting me run my hands on your pretty thighs?” Carlos asks and his voice is so low that you feel his words go straight to your core and your whole body is starting to feel like it was on fire. He knew what he was doing. Because frankly, if anybody knew you it was Carlos.

He takes this opportunity to come even closer, leaning to your ear and his breath is hot against your skin. “Could you feel me under you?” Carlos asks and you can feel his lips brush your lobe as he smirks at the sound of your breath hitching. 

Carlos takes this moment to trail kisses down your neck, your lack of answer giving him enough confidence to go for it. Despite his strong words his kisses are gentle and you can’t help but shut your eyes and let out a soft breath at how warm and wet his mouth felt on your skin. 

“I’m not hearing you say it,” Carlos murmurs as his teeth gently graze your skin. “Do you regret it or not princess? I need an answer.” Carlos asks demandingly and you hate how his words are affecting you. 

“No I don’t regret it,” You murmur and you feel Carlos smirk against your skin, that bastard. 

Before you know it his lips are on yours and no matter how hard you told yourself not to kiss back you couldn’t. Your arms are wrapping around his neck and the kisses are feverish and needy and god you had missed his lips. 

You can feel his hands roaming around, going from your sides to your waist and he’s then leaning a bit down, grabbing the back of your thighs. It’s quick and easy and your legs instantly  wrap around his waist as he presses your back against the wall. 

You’re almost light headed by the time you pull away from kissing him, and you’re both a bit breathless. You swipe your tongue over your bottom lip and you look at Carlos to find him looking almost as gone as you felt.

“Fuck,” Carlos says, shifting his grip on you as you move your arms from his neck, cupping his cheeks. He’s looking up at you with his big hazel eyes that you fell inlove with years ago and you feel stupid. You were definitely going to regret this because you definitely weren’t thinking with your head. 

“If we do this we’re only doing this once Carlos, I’m not leaving Bastien” You warn him and for a second you can see the glimpse of disappointment flash in Carlos’ eyes but it’s gone as soon as it comes. 

“Then we should make it worth it, no?” Carlos says already trailing kisses down your neck again. 

It’s wrong in every way possible but it isn’t stopping any of you as you both sneak into an empty meeting room. Carlos grabs a chair to press against the door, making sure it’s blocking the door handle and the sight of it has you remembering your teenage years with him. 

By the time he turns around you’re seated on the edge of the main desk, legs swinging as you watch him come closer. Carlos holds your knees for a second before pushing them apart to stand between your legs and his hand is soon going to your neck, pushing your head up to look at him. 

“I don’t care if you say I only have this one time. I’m gonna make sure you come back.” He says without a single bit of hesitance and he’s soon tugging at your shirt, getting you to lift your arms up. He throws your shirt to the side, not concerned at all about it before he’s kissing over your collarbones and you’re letting out a shaky breath, fingers threading in his hair. 

“Carlos no marks,” You say but this seems to do the polar opposite as you feel his teeth graze your skin once more. This time he’s taking his time, sucking at your skin and pressing his tongue flat against it before looking over it with a sense of pride. “Fuck, Carlos.” You breathe out, letting out a moan when Carlos moves to the most sensitive part of your neck, making sure to leave the darkest mark there. 

You can tell that he loves the way you’re body is reacting to him. The way he can tell that he still knows you so well, probably still knows you best. “Still the same hm?” Carlos asks and you’re letting out a shaky breath as you tell yourself to tell Carlos to stop marking you up. You don’t though. 

“Piss off,” You murmur as Carlos continues kissing down and this time over your chest. He goes to remove your bra but you stop him. 

Carlos rolls his eyes, moving his hands away as he comes up to give you another kiss. He pulls away and he rubs his thumb over the already forming marks he had left behind. “I couldn’t help myself,” he says, pressing into one of them and you can’t help but wince. “It’s your fault your little boyfriend didn’t leave anything. You were with him for two weeks. If you were mine I’d make sure everyone knows.” Carlos says before he’s slowly helping you undo your pants. 

“Well, if you wanted me to be yours you shouldn’t have broken up with me then,” You say snarkily as you kick off your shoes and Carlos is pushing you to lay onto the desk and you easily follow his movements, soon getting your pants off as you stare at the ceiling. The desk feels cold and hard against your body which only makes every touch Carlos leaves behind burn hotter against your skin. 

“You want to be a smartass now?” Carlos asks and his fingers are toying with the lace of your panties, soon hooking his fingers to give them a snap. “I can stop.” He challenges, and even though you know he won’t you’re not willing to risk it. 

“Don’t stop.” You say and you can hear Carlos’ cocky chuckle. 

“Come on, have you forgotten your manners?” He asks as his fingers hook under the side of your panties again. He doesn’t pull them down though, waiting for you to say something and you can’t help but lift your hips hoping that it would encourage him. 

“Y/n, what do you say when you want something?” Carlos asks and you can hear the smirk he was practically wearing and you grit your teeth. 

“Please don’t stop.” You finally say, the heat in your core being too much for you. 

“Good girl,” Carlos says and you hate how your heart practically leaps at the praise. He’s soon pulling your panties off, grabbing you by your ankles so you’re suddenly at the edge of the table. You groan at the sudden movement and you’re pushing yourself up on your arms, about to tell Carlos off when you feel him suddenly kiss you on the inside of your thighs. 

Your eyes travel to where Carlos now is, kneeling in front of you with his arms on your legs to keep them open and the sight has you blushing. Carlos is so focused, trailing kisses and soon leaving even more marks into your skin that has you letting out small hisses. 

“I’m going to ruin you ,” Carlos whispers against your skin that is soon sending a shiver down your spine. Before you know it he’s getting closer to where you want him most, and it’s embarrassing how you arch your back. 

“You’re so wet darling,” He says as his index finger goes to rub one of your folds. You hate how smug he sounds but you can’t help the way you clench around nothing, already anticipating Carlos to do something. 

“Carlos fucking do something.” You say, hands already itching to touch yourself but Carlos moves your hands away.

“Now, did we forget the magic words again?” Carlos asks as he uses his other finger to continue teasing you. He’s still rubbing at your lips, using his fingers to pull them apart slightly and to give a light blow. “Seems like nobody’s made you beg in a while.”

The way you whimper has him grinning. “Please,” You mumble, fists balled up as you felt yourself only getting wetter. 

“Louder darling. Don’t be shy.” Carlos says and you can’t help but curse. 

“Please Carlos,” You say again. You let out a soft moan as soon as his fingers sink in and for a second you feel a wave of relief but the moment you feel his mouth on you you’re cursing, hand going to his hair to shamelessly pull him closer.

“Fuck,” You breath out and Carlos is relentless, pumping his fingers quickly as his tongue is toying with your clit. Your mind is spinning and you can’t help but to press your body closer to him, letting out a string of moans and whimpers. He only seems to take this as encouragement.

“Carlos,” you moan out, unapologetically loud and Carlos is suddenly getting rougher and you’re sure your grip on his hair is becoming tighter. 

It takes all your will to not scream when your orgasm washes over you, and for a second you feel like you’re seeing stars. Your arm goes to cover your own mouth as you let out a cry, and the way Carlos grips onto your thigh with his free hand just lets you know that he’s definitely going to leave a mark. 

You’re panting, leaning onto your arms as you watch Carlos slowly get up on his feet. The sight of him has your legs twitching because he’s licking his fingers before he’s swiping his tongue over his lips. You’re a bit out of it, and if you were being honest, you do not remember the last time someone had made you feel that way. 

You only snap back into it when Carlos holds your neck again and he gives your throat a squeeze. The dazed look you give him as him smirking.

This time he presses his thumb against the tip of your chin, soon pressing down to get you to open your mouth. You’re pliant under him, body still floating and mind still hazed from your orgasm that you’re not giving him back snarky remarks.

As soon as your lips part Carlos is pressing his thumb into your mouth and you instinctively wrap your lips around it, circling your tongue around the pad. You’re looking him straight in the eyes and Carlos is staring down at you with dark and hungry eyes, refusing to break eye contact. 

“You’re such a fucking whore,” Carlos says as he drags his thumb over your bottom lip. You part your lips again, looking up at Carlos and he’s soon leaning above you. “I let you finish once and you’re suddenly all quiet hm? I bet you’d let me do anything.” Carlos says and he grips the side of your cheeks, making sure your mouth stays open before he’s landing a ball of spit in your mouth. 

“I love it when a bitch knows her place.” The moan you let out is embarrassing but you don’t care because Carlos is already kissing you again, and this time he’s undoing his belt and his pants, simply letting them fall around his ankles with his boxers. 

“Mierda,” Carlos curses because you don’t even think twice before your hand is already wrapped around him, the feeling of your skin dragging against him making him already twitch in your hand. 

“I forgot how big you are,” You say, using your thumb to spread his precum over the tip before you’re using it to pump him. You almost feel bad with how hard he is and you slowly move off the desk. Carlos takes a slow step back, groaning as soon as you go on your knees in front of him. 

Soon his hand is holding the back of your head as you’re taking him in his mouth and he’s letting out small groans and praises. “You’re doing so- fuck- so good darling,” He’s panting out and the way you look up at him has his cock twitching in your mouth. His hips instinctively buckle and he’s soon hitting the back of your throat and you splutter a bit, tears beginning to collect in your eyes. Instead of pulling away though you relax your throat and Carlos takes this as a sign. He’s gripping the back of your head tightly and snapping his hips moaning at the sound of him fucking your mouth. It’s messy, and rough, but despite tears streaming down your cheeks the small moans and gasps you’re letting out are spurring him on further. 

“Fuck,” Carlos groans, you’re sure he’s about to come with the way his thrusts are getting sporadic and you try to tighten your throat around him but he stops you by gripping your hair so tight that you let out a broken cry. It’s loud and the pain is too much and this seems to snap Carlos out of whatever trance he was in. He apologises quickly, soon pulling out of your mouth and crouching down. “Sorry- fuck- I didn’t want to finish off that way.” Carlos is panting and his eyes are searching yours for confirmation that you were okay. You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice with how raw your throat felt. Soon he’s helping you up and sitting on the table and the sudden tension from before is gone, instead his touches feel gentle. 

“You’re good?” He double checks and you nod, his hands are cupping your cheeks again before he’s giving you a kiss. It’s soft and it’s sweet and it has your mind spinning even more. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Carlos says just in case before he’s rubbing your sides. “Is it okay if we continue?” Carlos asks. 

“Yeah,” You murmur, wincing at how hoarse your throat sounded. Carlos nods and his hands go over your thighs before giving them a gentle squeeze. 

“Tell me if you need me to stop.” Carlos says before pulling you closer again. He keeps one hand on your thigh to keep you steady as he lines himself up. Unlike before this is slow and Carlos is taking his time and there’s a weird tug at your heart. 

“Fuck,” You breathe out when Carlos finally presses in. Despite him having stretched you out he still felt so big. Your arms shake a little and you whimper when Carlos uses his arm to pull you closer to him as he pushes deeper as well. 

“You’re so fucking tight y/n.” Carlos breathes out and he’s bottoming out and you feel so full you might pass out. “You need to relax or I’m not going to last.” Carlos says and he’s looking at you so intently, eyes going over every single feature on your face. He’s leaning down to give you a kiss and you can’t help but meet him halfway. 

The kiss is softer than any other kiss you both shared before and you feel like you’re melting into him. “You’re so beautiful y/n.” Carlos whispers against your lips, as if it was a secret for the both of you. 

Once you’re relaxed enough you feel him moving his hips but his lips are still close to yours, stealing kisses every here and there as he slowly begins to pick up his thrusts. Despite this though the thrusts are still slow and dragged out, but he’s rubbing into you just right that you’re letting out soft breathy moans that are mixing in the air along with Carlos’. 

The atmosphere is heavy and there’s a weird weight in your chest as you watch Carlos, head falling back as soon he hits the right spot. “Carlos there please,” You whimper out and that’s enough encouragement for Carlos to finally pick up the pace. 

“Tell me who fucks you best?” Carlos asks, and his hand is wrapping itself again around your neck and you’re letting out a small but broken whine. “Stop fucking you for two years and you’ve gone all soft now hm?”

You can’t think straight, all of Carlos’ words are turning into gibberish in your mind. You only manage to snap back into it when Carlos gives your throat a gentle squeeze.

“I said, who fucks you best?” He asks again and you blink at him, completely dazed.

“Y-You,” You moan out.

Before you know it you’re whimpering and squirming under him, feeling yourself get closer and closer. At this point your arms are around his neck and he takes the opportunity to lift you up slightly, thrusting his hips as he holds you in place.

The room filling with the sounds of both of your moans and the sound of your skin slapping against each other, both of you either forgetting or no longer caring that you were still in the office. 

“Carlos- Carlos- I’m close.” You gasp out and Carlos shifts a bit, letting go of your neck before his fingers go down, toying with your clit and you can’t help but let out a cry, back arching. 

“Don’t come until I tell you to.” He pants out as his thrusts pick up even faster and somehow feel even deeper and you’re letting out a string of moans. His fingers soon move faster and you’re soon begging for him to let you come. 

It’s only when you’re blubbering nonsense that Carlos is saying “Come for me, show me how good I make you feel.” as his touches get rougher and that’s enough to have you unravelling yourself again, screaming out his name as your nails dig into his shoulders. 

You’re still riding out your high when Carlos groans, cock twitching in between thrusts. You can’t help but let out a groan at the feeling of Carlos coming inside of you and Carlos drags his hips a few more times before he’s gently setting you onto the table and pulling out of you. He keeps you close though, wrapping his arms around you as you both recollect yourselves.

You’re both panting, breathless and exhausted and you’re almost putty as Carlos takes off his shirt to wipe at your legs and body. He catches you from falling onto your back and you hold onto him, still slightly dazed.

“I can’t believe we did that.” You murmur out, and you’re embarassed at how little you could think right now. Carlos is shaking his head in disbelief too. 

“Me neither.” Carlos says. He’s holding his shirt awkwardly for a bit, and it’s clear that he’s thinking about something but he just doesn’t want to say it. It takes you a bit to notice.

“Spit it out,” you tell him, knowing him well enough already. 

He lets out a sigh before he’s speaking up. “You’re gonna hate me but I’m gonna need you to go get my extra clothes in the changing rooms.” He says and you can only look at him in disbelief. 

“What? Did you want me to use your shirt?” Carlos says and you know you’re practically useless right now but the little pride you had left didn’t want Carlos to know how out of it you were (although you’re pretty sure he knew). If any confirmation was needed, your legs almost buckle the moment your feet hit the ground and Carlos needs to quickly catch you. He’s grinning from ear to ear.

If Carlos was trying to hide his smugness, he was doing a damn awful job doing so. 

—————— 

Carlos ended up getting the shirt that he needed himself as you just sat in the meeting room to get some time to recover. You both are relieved that the office is almost empty and you both manage to sneak out undetected, the tension is heavy between you both though, to the point that you don’t even realise Tom in the parking lot, up until you both reach Carlos’ car. 

“What are you two doing here?” He’s by his car holding his own bag, clearly ready to go home. You take a deep breath, ready to play it cool before turning to Tom.

“Uhm-“ Carlos starts off but he’s looking at you in panic and you try your best not to kick him then and there. 

“Carlos offered to drop me off so he decided to go to the gym when he was waiting and I ended up having to wait for him.” You explain giving Tom a shrug. You felt bad for lying- but this was definitely not the moment to be saying the truth. 

Tom looks a bit sceptical, mainly eyeing Carlos’ deer in the headlights expression but he soon nods anyway. “Ah okay- I’ll see you both at the airport then?” He asks and you’re both nodding, ready to cut the conversation short. 

Once Tom is in the car you both go into Carlos’. You tiredly watch Carlos put on his seatbelt just as Tom drives off and you think Carlos is going to start the car but decides to speak up instead. 

“For the record, I didn’t want to break up with you.” Carlos says and you’re quick to tense up. 

“Carlos, I thought we were over this.” You murmur and Carlos shakes his head. You rub your temples, a bit frustrated. 

“You still did it though.” You say and your stomach is twisting and turning at the conversation, you didn’t want to hear what Carlos had to say. “You literally came over, slept with me, and broke up with me the next morning.” 

“You said we were fine when I broke it off.” Carlos says and for a second he sounds offended, and you can’t help but scoff. 

“Of course I did Carlos. What else was I supposed to do?” You say and you’re looking away to look outside of the window. You had never told anyone how Carlos and you had broken up, always being the type to hold your head up and suck it up. He was the only person you had been able to open up to and the moment he had broken up with you you felt like you were left alone by yourself. 

“I couldn’t tell you Carlos. I felt like I didn’t know who you were.” You murmur. He’s slowly reaching his hand to your thigh but you move your leg away. “Stop,” 

“I’m sorry,” He says and it sounds so sincere that you can’t even look at him. “I’m really sorry.” 

“I was young and naive, I knew it was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking.” He explains. “We were barely talking at the end, I was so busy with racing, and you were studying, and I- I also didn’t want to burden you. When I came over that night I wanted to break it off right there but I couldn’t,” Carlos sighs shakily and you can hear the regret in his voice. 

“It’s selfish but I just wanted one more night with you.” Carlos mumbles. “I loved you. Even now y/n, I,” He says before taking a deep breath. For a second you want him to say it, you want to hear the words, but you realise you’re not ready for that again. You don’t want to give him another opportunity to break your heart when it already took you so much time to rebuild it. 

“Don’t,” You murmur. “Please don’t say it Carlos. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it.” You say and you’re looking up to the car’s ceiling, feeling your eyes water slightly. 

“What do you want then?” Carlos murmurs and you let out a shaky sigh finally looking over him. He looks remorseful, and you know his words are sincere- but they weren’t enough.

“I told you before, I want to stay with Bastien.” You murmur. “I know it might sound stupid to you but- I will try to figure it out with him.” 

“And us?” Carlos asks and you shake your head. 

“We can’t be friends Carlos. I thought we could, but we can’t. Look at what we just did. I don’t blame Bastien for not being comfortable with you around me, I’m not going to argue with him about that.” You say apologetically. The disappointment in Carlos’ face is clear as daylight but he nods anyway. 

“Why did you do it then?” Why did you sleep with me? You know is what he means to say. 

“I needed closure.” You murmur and that answer seems to be sufficient because Carlos finally nods, starting the car. 

The drive is quiet this time and your head is pressed against the window as you watch the streets pass by. You don’t feel guilty, but you realise you weren’t feeling anything right now. 

You only speak up when Carlos is pulling into the gates of your building and you’re pointing to the empty parking space. “Do you mind coming up?” You ask softly, “I have to give back your shirt.” You say and Carlos doesn’t even look at you as he nods and slowly reverses the car. 

The silence is loud as you both make your way to the building and up the elevator. You don’t have much to say as you both walk to your apartment door. Carlos steps in behind you, quietly closing the door and you excuse yourself before going to your bedroom, looking for the shirt in your half unpacked luggage. 

You’re digging through the luggage when you hear your phone ring and you go quickly to check it, the moment you see the text you laugh. 

It’s not the first time that this has happened. That you get a text from a random girl, along with an apology and explaining that she spent a night (or multiple) with Bastien before finding out he had a girlfriend. 

Bastien never told you- and you never confronted him. Call it naïve but a part of you thought that Bastien would stop, but by the fourth person- you really doubted that was going to happen. You just sat down and stayed quiet though because for the most part, he made you happy. 

If you were being honest, you just didn’t want to be left again. 

You were not even mad now. You just felt stupid that you were letting yourself be in this situation. But looking at yourself now, were you really any better?  

The moment you grab Carlos’ shirt though you feel your heart in your throat and you’re clenching your jaw. You force yourself to calm down before you’re getting up, reminding yourself that Carlos was in the livingroom. You could respond to the girl afterwards. 

When you come back Carlos is by one of your shelves looking over the photos that you have perched up. You realise he’s looking at some of your old highschool photos with your friends, and you know that he’s slipped there in the picture somewhere. You soon see his gaze travel to a photo of you and Bastien though and his face falls a bit. 

“Hey,” You say softly, which prompts him to turn around. His eyes fall from your face to your hand where you’re holding his shirt. 

“Here,” You’re stepping towards him, holding your hand out. Carlos gives you a small tight lipped smile as he takes the shirt from you and he looks over you quietly. 

“Does he make you happy at least?” He asks and you look at him, surprised that he’d ask you that question. “Regardless to us and what we are- just make sure he makes you happy.” Carlos says and you give him a small nod. 

“There’s a few things we need to work on, but he makes me happy. I believe it will work out.” You’re lying through your teeth, but Carlos nods at your words anyways. 

“I’ll see you in the airport?” You’re gently getting him to the door, not knowing how much longer you could keep yourself composed for. 

“Mhm, are you sure you don’t want a ride there?” Carlos tries and you give him a forced smile before politely declining the offer. 

“I’m good, thank you though Carlos.” There’s a a weird hole in your chest but you try not to think about it too much, opening the door for Carlos.

“Alright, alright. Bye Y/N.” He says as he steps out of your apartment. You give him a small nod and a wave. 

“Bye Carlos.” You say and the moment you shut the door you’re letting out a shaky breath, going to the bathroom in hopes to wash everything away.

fin.

Link to chapter 9!

i hope you all enjoyed! put my whole heart in it. would love to know what you guys think and how you feel about it. are you surprised that reader knew all along about bastien??? i also hope it provides a bit more insight about how reader is feeling/thinking. and apologies for all the angst !! feel like this chapter is bittersweet hehe.

ps. this is my first time writing smut and posting (for f1 at least) so I sincerely apologize if it isnt giving 🫠

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[pruning-the-minds-garden]

On Trust

Lets talk about trust in kink generally, and in hypnokink specifically. First, about Proximal Trust, then about Trusting me, and last about Accountability.

Something I want, I need people in the hypnokink space - and in general, really - to watch out for is Proximal Trust. This is when [Person A] gains a level of perceived trust or integrity in the eyes of other people, by being associated with (in proximity to) [Person B]. A concrete example: "I've seen HypnoDude being friendly with and sharing the content of SpiralChain for ages, and I trust SpiralChain, so HypnoDude has to be legit..."

Let me let Gen. Ackbar tell you what that is -

There are a lot of people I talk to in the hypnokink community, who exist in a space where... well... it's not that I think they're untrustworthy, but at the same time I cannot attest directly to whether they are trustworthy and respectful partners. That's not because I have doubts about them as people, but because I have never interacted with them in that specific way. They've never been sexually, kinkstually or whatever interested in me, nor I them, and that is a very different level of interaction to, "hey how's the weather? You like D&D 5E? Oh cool, so what's your favorite kind of induction?"

I cannot, and you should not, assume that just because someone is able to maintain a friendship with me without setting off alarm bells in my head, that they are a considerate, ethical, and compatible partner. It is just not a good or safe assumption to make. Yes, a lot of really skeevy people will squick me out and I will avoid them right off the jump... but a lot of others won't.

Cloaking one's predatory nature or broken stair-ness in order to get in the proximity of trusted folks is a great strategy to get access to a more steady stream of potential partners, and so it is one oft employed. And, it often works. I cannot possibly vouch for everyone I interact positively with, nor everyone who shares my content, nor everyone who upvotes or likes my ideas. I can only vouch for the small circle of people I've actually had intimate interactions with or whom I've directly seen interacting in that way for a long enough time to feel comfortable drawing conclusions from said observations. I wish predators and unethical actors and broken stairs came with badges, but sadly they do not.

If you have questions about individuals, ask me about them in DM. I will tell you what I know, and admit what I do not (which is often a lot). I will be as honest and forthright as possible, to give you the ability to make an honest risk assessment for yourself. I'm always here to help, too, should things should go awry, in whatever way you deem necessary. I limit the extent to which I publicly call people out to those people who have, in my eyes, repeatedly and unapologetically done things that cross serious ethical lines, and for whom there is sufficient and publicly-available evidence.

On a related note, everything I said above about other people applies to me, too. I know I make a lot of content on ethics and safety and consent and that might recommend to suspicion that I'm "automatically" a trustworthy person. I'ma let Gen. Ackbar take that one again -

Don't assume you can trust me. I really do appreciate that I've helped people, it means a ton to me. It matters. I am really, really, really super glad to have made the amount of difference - however big or small it is - that I have. I'm grateful for all of your support and accolades and all of that.

However.

No amount of difference, no amount of kudos, no amount of good a person could do, ever, makes them automatically worthy of your trust. That goes double in an intimate, kink context. Always, always, always vett your potential intimate and kink partners as best you can. Just because someone has a bunch of good friends, that does not mean that can't then turn around and be a consent violating asshole in the proverbial (or literal) bedroom. Just because someone talks a good - or great - game, that doesn't mean that when push comes to shove they aren't sus as hell. Vett. Your. Partners. Please. Not doing so does not excuse unethical or injurious behavior on their part - that's their doing and their failing, not yours - but it will help greatly to keep you safe. In an ideal world it would not be required, but we don't live in that ideal world, and until we do we have to live in the one we do.

That brings us to Accountability. I've said a lot here about not trusting the wrong people, so I want to make something absolutely, crystal clear: if someone does something hurtful to you, that is THEIR fault, not yours. Where you put your trust and how you vett people does matter but it does not, in any way, to any extent, make the things that happen to you "your fault." Accountability for those hurtful, abusive actions is 100% on the shoulders of the people who do them. It will never be anywhere else. All of the above - vetting, proximal trust, etc - is said with a mind to practicality and self-protection, to keeping you safe in the future, and not with even a hint of suggestion of blame or responsibility for anything. I know that when you are in the grips of something like that it can be easy to get into a blame, shame or self-hate spiral, wondering how you could let something like that happen and... you didn't. Things like that don't passively occur, they are actively pursued, and done so in ways that specifically overcome or bypass or evade the protective mechanisms that we all use to keep that from being done to us. It's. Not. Your. Fault.

Is this in response to a specific situation? Yes. More than one, honestly. Am I going to spill the proverbial tea? If I was going to, I would have already. I value given promises of privacy and even implicit ones far more than the social currency of naming-and-shaming and "✨#drama✨". If the time comes for that, though, rest assured it will happen. In the mean time, I'll do what I can to see that people are safe, healthy, and steps are taken to prevent future harm, as appropriate. I care about this community and I want to do right by it, and by all of you, as best I can.

[gothic-chicanery]

Please tell me about dorian my new best friend

GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET

So (poll spoilers for anyone who cares) Dorian is a fandom oc for the game honkai star rail but most of his lore I just made up so really the only things you need to know about the game are that it’s set in space and there are cool space gods called aeons, each based around a different path. One of these aeons, the aeon of knowledge Nous (a supercomputer that became a god) sends out letters to those they deem worthy of being geniuses and there’s only been 84 in all of recorded history. So I went. 85 now!!!

Communication in this universe across different planets is handled by Synethesia Beacons, which read brain waves and translates directly what people mean into the best equivalent of the others language. Dorian’s planet, Sepalia (made up by me :3) was rich in the materials used to make these things and the whole thing was very like. US company town bc the planet wasn’t initially hospitable but the Big Space Company, the IPC, terraformed it enough so people could mine it but they controlled the flow of resources and it kinda sucked to live there.

Side note: the architecture of sepalia is basically these giant fucking spires bc the company was like well we need the ground for mining let’s build up, and then people built even higher than that. Bc of this like. Climbing and securing yourself to things is a huge concern and the culture revolves around lot around rope. Thus the bondage thing, it’s very very typical in sepalia bc like. It is so intimate to tie knots for people, to make sure they won’t fall, and that is such a huge part of the daily landscape that it reflects sexually. Dorian only found out that is considered a kink in other places after he left and started being sexually active and it’s still really fucking funny to him. Like to him it’s like the equivalent of someone saying that taking your clothes off or kissing your partner is a kink.

Anyway, tensions between the Sepalian government and the IPC got worse and eventually sepalia was like fuck you ok we’re not going to be a company planet anymore and you’re not going to get any of the synesthesia beacon materials. And the IPC was like fuck you right back, you want us to fuck off, we’ll fuck off, and then who’s going to maintain your fucking atmosphere. And the government was like yippeeee and kinda decided to ignore that last part

So Dorian grew up and got his letter from the genius society pretty early due to Tragic Circumstances (a friend died due to environmental conditions and he resorted to reading everything he could to try and find a some way to make things make sense and was really good at it) and the Sepalian government was like holy shit we have a genius we can make people take us seriously as a real planet now.

So Dorian at 13 became the figurehead of this planet that the government wouldn’t acknowledge was slowly falling apart, which lasted about two years before his mom was like “ok we need out of here” and took him and his sister away and Dorian then had the rest of the galaxy to explore and try and learn about.

He is not exclusively a linguist he knows a lot about a lot of things, but he does study languages and doesn’t use his synethesia beacon as much as he possibly can (he can’t get rid of it, they’re attached to the nervous system lmao).

Currently he is still reading as much as he can, trying to fight the IPC, fighting with other academics, breaking into the other genius’ giant VR project so he and his bestie/nemesis can kill each other repeatedly with no consequences, and just generally hanging out

[merrock]

HAPPY FEBRUARY !

And here we go, into the shortest month of the year, after what felt like the longest month! This month has our big trip to New Orleans, but also it means that it's the first month fully removed from the holiday season, so we are cracking down a wee bit on some activity issues we have been noticing -- hence the slightly longer 'important stuff' section as we encourage everyone to get back on track again. Read on!

ON THE CALENDAR !

February 2nd -- Wear Red Day (mini event) -- a primarily social media based event, share a photo of your character wearing red.

February 9th -- National Pizza Day (mini event) -- head down to Pizza Thyme to enjoy some pizza!

February 11th - 17th -- New Orleans trip.

February 11th -- Super Bowl.

February 13th -- Mardi Gras.

February 14th -- Valentine's Day.

February 17th -- Random Acts of Kindness Day.

February 22nd -- National Margarita Day (mini event) -- come down to Paco's and have a margarita!

February 25th -- National Pancake Day (mini event) -- visit Cul-de-Sac Diner for a good stack of 'cakes whenever you want.

NOTE: events from February 11th through 17th take place during our New Orleans trip.

IMPORTANT STUFF !

BEING ACTIVE IS RAD -- 'nuff said. if you want to see a thriving, happy group, if you want to watch us grow and keep having fun, the best way to accomplish that is just by being active. fresh month, so why not have it be a fresh start, right?

STEADY ACTIVITY -- we really want to stress how not important it is to us that you're 100% caught up, vs. just being active. it matters more to us that your threads are being steadily worked on and effort is being put into participating in the group. you can have amazing activity and never be caught up, or you can be caught up, but all your threads are super outdated at the time of being caught up, something to keep in mind!

MUSE STUFF -- muse hits differently, we get it! if you've got a lot of muse for a particular thread, just make sure you are still putting effort into your other threads in between! otherwise, bubbling happens (we do check for this once a month, if a character is not maintaining threads with three different writers, we will give them a strike). we rely on one another for activity, so if you're only active on one character, one thread, if things are getting pushed aside, it could be detrimental to others (and yourself!) in a group setting.

DROPPED THREADS -- threads don't go on forever, and that's okay. but please try to avoid just cold dropping threads -- it could be something that someone is really relying on for activity. if you don't have the muse for it anymore, if events have shifted and you want to do something new, just reach out and talk to your writing partner! communication is important.

JUST BE KIND -- chances are, if you're dealing with ish, everyone's dealing wish ish. you don't owe us or each other an explanation if you need a day or two to just unwind. but we do owe it to each other to be kind and keep this space a safe, welcoming, comfortable environment where people want to come to write, escape real life, and just have fun. xx

GOALS FOR THE MONTH !

ADMIN -- finish up the fine details of the New Orleans trip.

ADMIN -- work on getting the March/spring events drafted and ready to go for you guys!

ADMIN -- work on new graphics for the springtime, which will be riiight around the corner!

PLAYER -- do better; we don't mean this negatively, we just mean pick an area you feel you can improve in, whether it be replying to starters, balancing your characters or replies in general, or just being more active, and make that a goal.

PLAYER -- also! one goal for everyone: do a thread with at least one writer you don't normally write with! maybe in NOLA, maybe in town, just try to do something different.

HAVE A GREAT MONTH !

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, an INTP here. Lately I have encountered a situation which I couldn’t determine whether it is Ne indulgence and I lose track of my introverted functions or if there are other issues behind the surface. I think it would be better to receive some comment on it and I wish you could help.

I have been concentrating myself on academic results more than I used to, I think it is partly out of the urge to strive for a better future, another part of it is that I feel like I cannot fall behind my classmates as I don’t want to seem incompetent to the people around me. This idea grew stronger after my mother claimed that I would end up being a useless member of society because I didn’t have a “proper” attitude towards my academic results. I could be taking her words too seriously but I keep thinking I should prove her wrong. When there’s a task I could mimic an unhealthy ENTJ unconsciously and temporarily. I become hasty, impatient, judgemental, I overlook details so I can get thing done within the least possible amount of time, shut away the monologue I always have in my mind to focus on what I’m doing, disregard others’ opinion because I think my idea is the best. I read theories that a person could act like their shadow when they are stressful, it seems like what I experienced.

At the same time, I spent a lot of energy on socialising with my classmates. I enjoy it at some point, they are interesting people and I think I should pay more attention to them, but when I got time to reflect alone afterwards, I feel fatigued by all the social interactions. After I returned home, all that I am left with is tiredness and I don’t want to speak with anyone anymore, every single sound I hear could frustrate me even if they are simply words of care. I feel a need for rest, but when I do rest I binge watch repetitive Mary Sue stories that pop up on my social media feeds. I know they do not convey deeper meanings, but I am becoming addicted to these meaningless stories that do not require any true thoughts to process and I could shut down my mind.

I believed I maintained a good work-life balance, and this is a good way of life I should continue, but now as I took advice from my friend and spend time on long novels I could truly enter a flow state within, I think I actually overemphasised on external validation and failed to see what I really needed. Returning to the original question, it seemed like I was escaping reality with unhealthy Ne that keeps me wasting time on unproductive things, exploiting my energy to seek out ‘new’ information that are actually repetitive and superficial, forcing myself to open up Fe even when I actually wanted space for myself; but I am not entirely sure about my statement. Thanks for your time and effort, any insights that could be drawn from it are appreciated.

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Generally speaking, if you believe you're experiencing Fe grip in part because of misusing Ne, then you ought to develop Ne and learn to use it more appropriately, consult the Type Dev Guide.

It seems you are always being pulled around by things outside you, such as your mother, your friends, or those mary sue stories. What does that mean? Perhaps it means you have little substance and you use those things as a poor substitute. You are like a leaf being blown around by the wind, with no control over where you go.

The remedy to being driven only by extrinsic factors is to nurture intrinsic motivation. Who are you really? What do you really want out of life? What are your values? What do you stand for? What do you have to offer? What about you matters? What greater aspirations or ideals do you commit yourself to? If you can't answer any of these questions, it means you haven't gotten very far in development and, as a result, don't have any meaningful direction or purpose in life. When you have no real identity as a person, how can you be anything but an easy victim of circumstance?

If you want to take more control over life and have a better sense of direction, then start by committing yourself to more meaningful activities, especially activities that would allow you to make the best use of the gifts you've been granted. Yes, there is a difference between "rest" and "escape". You speak as though you have no control over those repetitive activities, but you made the choice to do them, and you're now starting to realize that the "reward" is actually harmful to you. You could choose better activities instead. To realize more of your potential and grow as a person often involves giving up immediate gratification for a greater goal and making tough decisions about how best to spend your time.