#Thank god artist picks are done so I can talk about this absolutely ridiculous thing

[revenantghost]

Ah yes, my VW bang fic

Aka Wolfwood’s no good, terrible, very bad week

(He gets turned into a tiny kitten)

[yesttoheaven]

I SEE YOU – chapter IV

pairing – arthur fleck x female!reader

wc – 2.3k

warnings – idk... misty being a b*tch with arthur?

a/n – hi everyone! I hope you are well because I'm brazilian and I cannot say the same lol the president is a piece of shit and he can't rule the country in the middle of a pandemic (not even without the pandemic, in fact)

anyway enjoy the chapter!

English is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors.

Y/N – your name

chapter one. chapter two.

chapter three. chapter four.

"What are you doing here, Misty?" The surprise was notable in Y/N's words.

Many people could walk through that door, but Misty was definitely not one of them.

"I should ask you the same question..." The woman came over and put her hands on the actress' shoulders, smiling amiably. "But we don't have time for that right now. You have a dinner to go! And it is not right to keep a man like Charles waiting."

"Charles?" Arthur asked, trying to find a way to join the conversation. "Is he also an actor?"

After these simple words, the redhead burst out laughing and Arthur didn't understand what he had done wrong this time. He was just curious and a little interested to know who was the man who had a date with Y/N that night.

"Actor? God, have you never heard of Charles Lewis Tiffany?" Misty questioned how if the fact that Arthur didn’t know the man was an offense to humanity and Arthur just shook his head, too embarrassed to say anything else.

Who the hell was this man? The Pope? And why did Y/N have a dinner with Pope?

"It's okay, Arthur." Always so graceful, the actress reassured him and left Misty's side to be close to him. "Charles owns Tiffany & Co., the one that appears in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's... Have you watched this movie before?"

"Oh, oftentimes!"

"Me either! And now Charles wants me to be the face of his new collection! I'm so excited, he came to Gotham just to follow it up in person!" The happiness shining in her eyes was contagious, but Misty didn’t like seeing Y/N squeeze the man’s arm gently.

"I hate to have to do this... the conversation is so pleasant, but we have to go, mon cher." With a smile, Y/N's manager adjusted the bag on her shoulder. She wanted to take the actress away from this freak as soon as possible.

"You cannot go without the VHS tape." Arthur objected, receiving a death glare from Misty, but the only thing that mattered to him was Y/N. "I'll get this for you." After these words, the man left the living room with a reason to make her stay a little longer in his apartment.

"Well, I think we're going to have to wait." Y/N shrugged, but inside she was beaming.

Feeling her mouth dry, she picked up the glass of water on the table, but that was her worst mistake.

"What are you doing? Don't drink this! That dirty glass is full of germs!" The glass was snatched from her hand and Y/N looked at Misty in disbelief.

"That glass is not dirty, Misty."

"How can you be sure of that? I heard that the Narrows sewer is one of the worst in Gotham!"

"Thanks for the lesson, but that didn’t come from the Narrows sewer. This water is from the kitchen tap."

"Oh my God..." The actress could have sworn that the woman's face turned green and she would vomit at any moment. "Why did you drink this? You'll be sick!"

Before Y/N had a chance to respond to these insanities, someone called her. She ran over to the bag and took out her cell phone. It was Charles.

"Hey, Charles! It's good to talk to you." On the other side, all she received were strange noises. The man's voice was being cut off and it was difficult to understand. "The connection is awful..."

"Why am I not surprised? Narrows is the end of the world!" Misty commented, rolling her eyes.

Without time for this discussion, Y/N said:

"Maybe in the corridor I will get a better signal."

"Be careful, you don't know what kind of neighbors there are in this place." She warned, listening to the door open and close, but Y/N said nothing.

Alone in the living room, Misty had the same disgusted look as when she arrived. For her this apartment is small even for an ant and this wallpaper is ridiculous, but in the midst of so much poverty, something on the couch attracted her attention.

"What do we have right here? I don't believe he has a diary..." The woman whispers to herself, laughing, after picking up Arthur's journal. She knew it was wrong, but she was bored.

The first few pages were OK, he had a shitty life like any other unfortunate person, but what came next scared the hell out of her. Misty knew there was something wrong with this man. The instant she saw him, she knew, but that... those words... were from a sick person. Arthur was a disgusting pervert. The redhead needed a moment to breathe and then she saw the magazines on the table and an scissors...

Oh no. He intends to include Y/N in this depravity show!

"I finally found." With bright eyes, Arthur looked for Y/N in the living room, but all he found was Misty... and his journal. "W-What... What are you d-doing?"

"Stay away from me!" She exclaimed, backing away for fear that he would do something against her. "I swear, if you get close I'll scream so loud and when Y/N comes through that door, I will tell her your little secret. She will be so disappointed, but she will finally find out who you really are... A perv!"

"N-No, please... You got it wrong." He tried, his voice taking on a desperate tone. Arthur didn't want to lose the actress's friendship. She was too important for him. "I c-can explain."

"Oh, can you explain? You will glue Y/N's head to a cat's body and then you will sit on that old sofa and touch yourself? You should be in Arkham! You're a sick person! I can't believe Y/N was alone with you..."

Arthur felt his stomach churning.

"You're wrong... I have a lot of respect for her. Y/N is special to me and I would never do something like that."

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" The woman threw the journal at him and Arthur cringed like a frightened dog. After hitting him on the back, the journal fell to the floor and when he saw those collages, he felt ashamed of himself. "Listen to me... I will say this only once: Stay away from her. It doesn’t matter what kind of fantasies you’ve created in your sick head, Y/N will not be a part of that. If I know that after today you keep talking to her, I'll call the police and when they find out you're a fucking perv, you will spend the rest of your days in Arkham." She warned with all the letters and threats, now it was up to him to choose to cooperate or not. This man is too old to play being a teenager. These images of naked women, these cats and those sad quotes in his journal prove just one thing. Maybe he's a sexual predator, but Misty wouldn't be here to find that out either. "Enjoy your pornography and leave Y/N alone. I hope I never see you again."

Arthur saw his world fall apart as soon as the redhead left his apartment with the worst assumptions about him. He was not a perverted monster. He would never touch Y/N without her consent and would never endanger her life. Never ever. Y/N was the only good thing about Gotham; she was a light at the end of the tunnel. So angelic and peaceful. Whenever she smiles, butterflies appear in his stomach and Arthur knows what these famous butterflies mean, but he doesn't know what those collages mean... If Y/N knew, she would probably be afraid of him.

In the corridor, the actress was trapped in a bubble, talking animatedly with Charles. The call had no specific reason, the man just wanted to make sure everything was fine for dinner that night.

"Okay... This is one of Gotham's best restaurants. Trust me, you will love the place!" She assured him, intending to make a good impression. It wasn't every day that she got a chance to dine with the genius behind Tiffany & Co. and represent that brand. This was an important step in her career. "Now I need to go, Charles. See you soon, bye!" Y/N hummed the ending, watching Misty approach where she was. "Why are you here?"

"It's just your friend's mom. She's not feeling very well..."

"Isn't Penny okay?" Concern crossed Y/N's face and she tried to get back to apartment 8J, but Misty took her arm, lying again:

"Y/N, don't be indiscreet. This is a family problem and Arthur is taking care of it." With those words, she guided the actress to the elevator, but Y/N kept looking at the door to Arthur's apartment. "You need to prepare for dinner... I chose a beautiful dress for you."

...

THREE DAYS LATER

"Put red on her lips... Don't forget the mascara... and on the cheeks use this blush... Not this one! The peach blush!"

It was possible to say that Charles Lewis Tiffany was taking the place of the makeup artist. The woman was losing patience, Y/N realized this, but he wanted to participate in every second of it. When she finished, Charles smiled, admiring Y/N's beauty through the mirror.

"You see? You're genuinely beautiful... I think I finally found my muse." The actress was flattered by the compliments and that reflected in her smile when Charles took a blue box, but this was not a simple blue box. This is the famous Tiffany Blue Box. "I want you to meet my new creation..." He opened the box, stealing Y/N's breath instantly. "Dramatically plunging down the decolletage, an incredible emerald-cut bicolor zoisite that shifts from violet-blue to purplish-red, depending on the angle. The pendant is over 48 carats and it's wrapped in a halo of baguette diamonds and suspended from a diamond rondelle chain of over 37 total carats."

"Oh Charles, this is absolutely beautiful. I'm speechless..." She confessed, watching him take the necklace and offer to put it around her neck. Y/N accepted immediately and when the pendant touched the white fabric of the dress, she smiled at the mirror.

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend" Charles whispered, eliciting a giggle from her. "Now I need to speak to the photographer, but take a few minutes to prepare yourself." The man smiled one last time and Y/N walked to the door, opening it for him. She took the opportunity to spy on what was happening on the other side and it was possible to say that there was a little sadness in her eyes.

"What are you looking for?" Misty's voice echoed and she closed the door quickly.

"Huh... nothing!"

The woman was checking the contract – something about image authorization – and when she took her eyes off the papers, she found Y/N with a half-hearted smile.

"Go ahead... Spill the tea."

Brian was probably smoking, so Misty was her only option.

"Arthur was busy these days, but he called me this morning... He looked nervous and said he would like to talk to me, so I invited him to accompany the photoshoot, but..."

"You did what?!" Misty left the chair, interrupting her. Not wanting to start a scene, the redhead looked at Dariela, the makeup artist, and said: "Get out." The woman immediately stopped organizing her makeup and ran out of the dressing room.

"Was that necessary?" Y/N asked, crossing her arms.

"And was it necessary to invite that maniac to come here too?"

"Jesus, Misty!" She walked to the other side of the dressing room. "Manic? Really?"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"Based on what? His bank account?"

"Based on his journal." Misty replied and the actress looked in her direction with a frown. Shaking her head, the redhead let out a bitter laugh before confessing: "He doesn't use it just to write jokes... I found a lot of pornography on those pages."

Y/N felt a little uncomfortable with that. Certain things do not need to be exposed... She didn't need to know about that part of Arthur's life and Misty just invaded his privacy.

"Well... many men consume pornography daily."

"Y/N, pornography is not the point here. He makes some weird collages... women with cat heads... skulls... one of these women was tied up in a compromising position... Can you see how problematic this is?" Misty was trying to open her eyes and consequently was scaring the actress, but that was not all. "I saw the magazines. That man will probably do the same to you... your face on the body of these naked women or on a cat's body! You have always been uncomfortable with the way men see you only as a sex symbol... and now Arthur is using you as a sex toy!"

"Stop! Just stop, okay?" Y/N demanded, using an edgy tone of voice. That was too much for her to assimilate. "You're saying this because you do not accept the idea of ​​Arthur being my friend! All that matters to you is status, but it doesn't matter to me! When are you going to let me live my own life?"

"This is not about social classes, this man is a pervert! I'm trying to protect you!"

"Enough, Misty!" That was enough to make the redhead shut up and Y/N found her way back to the mirror.

To complete the look, inside the blue box was a beautiful diamond ring and a pair of shiny round diamond earrings, just waiting for her. Putting on the ring was an easy task, but she couldn’t say the same about earrings; her hands were shaking and this is all the fault of the stress.

"Let me help you." The manager approached and at first Y/N refused her help, but after another failed attempt, she handed the earrings to the woman. "I know I can be a bitch sometimes..."

"Sometimes?"

Misty just sighed, shaking her head.

~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~~

a/n – likes and reblogs are appreciated but honestly I’d love to know what you all think of this one. really hope you enjoy it and thank you soooo much for reading ♡

[luninosity]

Catching up on @evanstanweek ficlets again! Here’s Day 3, prompt: on set.

Read at AO3 here - 2,336 words of on-set love confessions, set during The First Avenger - or read on tumblr below!

#

Sebastian’s watching Chris. He often is, can’t seem to help the track of his gaze—can’t pull away from the magnet-tug that’s Chris Evans’ loud laugh and gesturing hands and philosopher’s eyes, and if he’s honest he doesn’t want to. Right now the low hazy grey lighting of the broken bar sits on Chris’s shoulders and turns him into a grieving supersoldier: a man hollowed out by loss, left with a gaping hole right through his chest.

 Chris is so good. So brilliant at emotion, at getting character. So thoughtful and so generous with his feelings, the kind of bravery that holds nothing back. He is Steve Rogers, through and through: a hero, shining blue and gold.

 Sebastian’s not that brave. Not that brilliant. Good at angst and pain, or dry humor, or intensity, maybe; but he’s in character for it. He does love people and stories, and he thinks he’s funny, sometimes, and he thinks he might want to be a writer, sometimes, and he can shove an entire pizza slice in his mouth when he’s comfortable around friends, but.

 It takes him a while. Exhaling. Stepping out. Speaking up. He wouldn’t say he’s shy, because he isn’t, not once he knows people. He’s just…not Chris Evans, who wears joys and vulnerabilities openly, with pride, unafraid.

 Sebastian looks at Chris, and aches with emotion, and says nothing, every day and every minute on this film so far.

 He’s technically done for the day, though he’s not at all done on this film; he’s spent the morning running around with Howling Commandos and being a young and terrified sergeant thrown into war. They’d filmed Bucky’s fall from the train the day before; Sebastian had honestly loved it. The emotion’d been easy: love and loyalty, throwing himself in to fight alongside the other half of his heart, the moment of sheer shock, a small but gloriously physical drop onto thick mats. They’d let him do that one, because it wasn’t a long fall and they needed to see his face. He hoped it’d been good; everyone seemed pleased, at least.

 He shifts weight, wishes he had a pillar or a wall to lean on. He watches Chris some more.

 They’d caught the stunned disbelief on Chris’s—Steve’s—face at the fall, yesterday. Chris is so incredible at nuance, at blazing emotions, even in a few-seconds-long shot. Sebastian had said, after, “That felt really good, that last take?” and had meant, I think you’re a genius, I think I want to work right next to you forever, I think I love you.

 Chris had gotten kind of pink-cheeked because Chris is too damn self-deprecating, and had said, “Oh—um, thanks, man, you too, I mean it felt good to me too, I mean we’re fuckin’ awesome, obviously,” and had nudged Sebastian’s shoulder, somewhere between a punch and a quick resting of a hand. “Craft services? They got blueberry bagels, someone said.”

 Chris, bagel-focused, clearly had not heard Sebastian’s internal monologue. And if he had, wouldn’t reciprocate.

 Which is fine, of course. Chris never needs to know, and Sebastian’s ridiculous emotions will calm the hell down and go away. Any day now. Sometime. Soon.

 But he’s watching Chris, and Chris is pretending to try to get drunk, pain visibly shredding him inside; Chris is Steve and Steve can’t believe it and has to believe it and wants to scream, to shout, to punch a hole through the world—

 The scene’s fantastic, of course.

 They get it in maybe three takes, rapid-fire, Chris laying out his heart for the watchers. His voice cracks; it’s getting rougher, the third time.

 They do it a couple times more for different close-ups. Sebastian takes a step closer, between takes. His boots—he’s changed; they’re his own boots—are louder than he’d recalled that morning; Chris looks over at the sound.

 And maybe Chris looks surprised, or relieved, or grateful, for a split second; maybe it’s all in Sebastian’s head, though, because the next second they’re right back into it, capturing Steve’s heartbreak.

 It’s a wrap for the scene, eventually. And Chris is done for a few hours too, though he’ll need to stick around; he’s got some close-ups to do inside a mock airplane, being bounced around, for what’ll be the big final self-sacrifice. Sebastian loves the heroism and pain of it; he’s always loved good writing, and he’s got a good feeling about this script and about this universe, which he’s a tiny part of now.

 Chris doesn’t get up right away. Just scrubs both hands over his face, shoulders slumped. Hayley Atwell’s gone off to talk to the director; Joe’s nodding, listening to her. Nobody’s checking on Chris.

 And that’s wrong, that’s wrong and not good and not right—Chris has just been hurting, the way that Chris hurts for the world, and Chris should never be hurting, not while Sebastian’s alive—

 Sebastian’s legs move before his brain makes a conscious decision. He’s picking his way across artistic rubble and taking a few running steps and putting a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “Hey.”

 Chris actually jumps a little, which isn’t the best start. “Oh! Uh, hey, hi, did you, um…have a question? About Steve and Bucky, or somethin’?” The Boston comes out extra-strong; it does that when Chris is feeling a lot, or tipsy, or simply exaggerating to make someone laugh.

 “No,” Sebastian says. “Or, well, yeah, we might want to talk about some of those flashback sequences, so we’re on the same page with emotion and all, but.” He licks his lips, realizes he’s doing it—a nervous habit, one he’s had for years—and stops. He can taste chapstick on his tongue. “I just. Wanted to. I don’t know. Are you…I mean, that looked like a lot.”

 “You…” Chris trails off. He’s looking at Sebastian’s face with astonishing intent; Sebastian would say even desperation, but that’d be ludicrous. Chris doesn’t have any reason to feel desperate about him.

 He tries, “I know you, um, like tea? Not coffee? We could go grab, um, tea. If you want.”

 “Tea,” Chris says, a little blankly. “But you like coffee.”

 Sebastian’s starting to get kind of worried, here. “I do, but you gave it up? We could maybe head back to your trailer, and you can, um, relax for a minute, and I can…try to make tea?”

 Chris stares at him some more.

 “Or not,” Sebastian throws in helplessly.

 “Yes,” Chris says. “Yes, yeah, yes—you—fuck. Okay. Jesus, Chris, get it together,” and he even shakes his head like a puppy flinging off water, and Sebastian kind of wants to grin and also scratch his tummy.

 Well. Maybe not scratch. He can think of better things to do with Chris’s stomach. Mostly involving his tongue.

 And he should absolutely not be thinking of that when Chris needs his help. He sticks out a hand. “To the end of the line? Or at least your trailer.”

 Chris looks at the hand, and then takes it, hauling himself up out of the chair. His fingers are large and strong and a little cold, and they squeeze Sebastian’s for just a little too long, as if wanting to hold on.

 No. Must be Sebastian’s heart thinking that. Wanting what he can’t have.

 He walks with Chris through behind-the-scenes set-ups and teardowns, props and people rushing to and fro, the corners of trailers and the shouts of movie-making going on. The sun’s warm, if light; the ground’s hard beneath his boots. He keeps stealing glances at Chris, who doesn’t seem too talkative. Sebastian’s poor overworked heart wants to take each sensation, each sight and taste and scent of this backstage moment, and fold them up safe deep inside.

 Chris is letting him help. That feels like sunshine.

 Chris’s trailer’s simple, unpretentious, unfussy; script copies and notes lie scattered around, and he’s got some weights, and some Disney-movie DVDs. Sebastian smiles, because that’s so very Chris: delight in the magic, always.

 Chris, still in costume, sits down on his sofa. He breathes out, and looks up. “Thanks.”

 “For what? How do I make tea with this?” He’s poking Chris’s electric kettle. He does sort of know how it works, in theory. His mother has an old-fashioned kettle; he’s got fancy coffee-making machinery; he should be able to combine all this knowledge. “Where is your tea?”

 “Seb,” Chris says. “I—hang on, does anyone actually call you Seb?”

 “Um. Not really? You can. I don’t mind.” He doesn’t. Chris uses last names often, an affectionate Boston-bro shorthand for friendship; Sebastian’s somehow always been Sebastian or Seb, in Chris’s voice. He’s wondered why, though he’s thought maybe Chris just doesn’t feel that close to him. Not deserving of the bro-status.

 “You don’t mind, or you don’t like it, and you’re being nice about it?”

 “I don’t mind,” Sebastian says, too quickly. “I like it.”

 “Sebastian,” Chris says.

 “Really,” Sebastian says. “Either. Whatever.”

 “Jesus,” Chris says, face back in his hands. “I’m sorry. I just…just tell me if I’m sayin’ something stupid, okay? Please.”

 “But you’re not!” Sebastian comes back over to the couch. That damn magnet again. Tugging his bones. “You’re not, it’s fine, we’re good, Chris. I swear. Really.”

 Chris doesn’t look up, so Sebastian drops to both knees, right there at Chris’s feet, and tries not to think of all the times he’s wanted to do exactly that. It’s easier not to think of it, right now, because he’s genuinely concerned.

 He peeks up at Chris’s face. “Hey. Kinda worried here. Not about you, I mean, about your kettle, it’s got all these buttons, it’s like a rocket ship, I’m afraid if I touch the wrong thing it’ll explode.”

 Chris snorts, almost a laugh, and then does look up. His eyes go right to Sebastian’s, so close and so blue; and then all at once he’s moving, leaning forward, one hand reaching out and cradling Sebastian’s head, and then—

 They’re kissing. Oh, god, they’re kissing, Sebastian on his knees in front of Chris and Chris bending down to claim him, hand in Sebastian’s hair—

 Chris kisses like reprieve, like the release of storms, like the dive into a heated pool on a chilly day: wholehearted, devoted, anxious to lick and taste and plunge into every part of Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian, who’s been kissed before, has in fact never been kissed before, because no other kiss has ever been a kiss, compared to this.

 His knees dimly register the hardness of the trailer floor, and his neck’s at kind of an awkward angle, and Chris is still mostly in the Captain America suit. None of that matters. Nothing else matters at all, because Chris wants him and Sebastian’s whole self yearns for Chris, and Chris’s tongue and taste and tug at Sebastian’s hair are all white-hot gloriously perfect.

 Chris pulls back almost as abruptly. They’re both breathless; Chris whispers, “Oh, fuck…” and takes his hand out of Sebastian’s hair, but then touches Sebastian’s cheek, cups his face, as if unable to stop touching. “I…fuck…I didn’t…I’m so fucking sorry, I just…”

 “Why?”

 “What?”

 “Why’re you sorry?” Sebastian tips his head into Chris’s hand. “I’m not.”

 “You’re…not.”

 “Chris,” Sebastian says, and then runs out of words. He hopes Chris can see it, can read it, in his eyes. On his face. “Yes.”

 “Yeah?” Chris reaches out with the other hand too: framing Sebastian’s face now, tender and awestruck. “You mean that.”

 “I mean it,” Sebastian says. “But—”

 “Oh god,” Chris says, “I’ve fucked this up, haven’t I—”

 “No! No, just…are you okay? I mean, from earlier.” Somewhere amid the kissing his hands’ve ended up on Chris’s thighs; apparently they just want to be there, and now rub along Chris’s legs, soothing and caressing and learning all at once. “I mean, I wanted to—”

 “To help,” Chris groans. “You came over to help—because you’re the sweetest fucking person I know, god, you’re perfect, Seb, the nicest and the warmest and the best—and I fucking, Jesus, practically mauled you—”

 Sebastian cuts that anguished recrimination off by diving forward and getting his mouth back on Chris’s. After some in-depth affirmation, he breathes against Chris’s lips, “Don’t think you’re doing any mauling I don’t like.”

 Chris’s eyebrows go up.

 “Really,” Sebastian tells him.

 “Huh,” Chris says. “Huh. Okay. You—okay.”

 “No,” Sebastian says patiently. “Are you okay?”

 Chris stares at him, and then bursts out laughing. Mid-laughter, scoops Sebastian off the floor. Flops them both down across the sofa, holding on. “God, you’re incredible.”

 “The best, you said.”

 “And I mean it. You just make it all…feel better, kind of?” Chris strokes a hand down Sebastian’s back, over his t-shirt. “That’s what it was, earlier. Like…being Steve, losing Bucky, but that’s you, and all at once I was thinking about losing you, and I just felt like…like someone’d dropped me off a train, y’know? Like I’d never get up again.”

 “I’m here.” Sebastian wriggles against him. They fit together: bodies pressed close, every piece of them learning each other. He’s half atop Chris, but with one of Chris’s legs tangled through his. “I’m here.”

 “I know.” Chris rubs his back again. “And you were there, too. You were right there and I could look up and find you, and it was like I could remember how to breathe. And then you were here, asking about tea and looking at me like—and I just had to kiss you. I want to kiss you. Seb. Sebastian. God, I fuckin’ want—everything. I know it might get complicated, I know we’re in the middle of making a movie, but I can’t not want everything. Together. With you.”

 “Well,” Sebastian says, “good to know,” and stretches to kiss Chris again. It’s that simple, if not easy: the future’ll change, but it does that anyway, sprawling out in all sorts of directions. And he thinks it’ll be a good direction, with Chris at his side. “Because I want everything with you too.”

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Hello!! I like your hc so much! So i was wondering can i request the rfa+v, and saeran with an mc who is really insecure with her body so she starve herself on accident? If you’re not comfortable than you don’t have to!! Thank you tho :)

Hey there! Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoy them😊I hope it’s okay but I mainly left out the eating part/made it brief. I’m really sorry, it’s just a bit of a delicate topic for me to write about but I really hope it’s still okay for you.

Just a reminder that it’s okay to feel insecure, but remember that you are not defined by your insecurities. I also don’t believe that there is one definition of beautiful, nor do I believe that thinking you are beautiful is vain or arrogant. Please be kind to yourselves, and if you are going through a rough patch with your body image or self-love, then I sincerely hope this can be a comfort for you and, if you can, I encourage you to reach out to someone or talk to a professional. My DMs are always open, if you ever need a chat or to rant then I’m here to listen. You are welcome and loved here💛

***

RFA with an insecure MC

Zen:

❤︎ now, if you’ve done his route, then you know that this man understands

❤︎ and we also know that his looks are very important to him, so he completely acknowledges your feelings and in no way invalidates them

❤︎ but that being said, this man worships your body

❤︎ if you guys weren’t together he would be the best wing man because he LOVES to praise you and lift you up, even if you aren’t feeling particularly insecure

❤︎ you got a new outfit? “YES GIRL YOU WORK IT” you do your makeup different? “YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND ARTISTIC YES” you’re in your sweats and your hair’s a mess you feel totally gross? “THAT’S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE WOW YOU ARE GLORIOUS”

❤︎ he’s very vocal about his love for you and his love for your body

❤︎ sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing and usually comments on your appearance can make you feel uncomfortable/self-conscious, but for some reason when he does it it gives you a lil confidence boost <3

❤︎ we’re no stranger to the fact that he is hot as fuck

❤︎ honestly makes a little mad like who gave you the audacity to look like that hMMM?

❤︎ so when you first started going out, your confidence plummeted

❤︎ and it didn’t help that, whilst the majority of his fans loved you and loved the relationship, there were a few that really got to you

❤︎ they would post some not very nice comments about you on the forum

❤︎ they were just jealous fanatics, but you didn’t know that and took what they said to heart

❤︎ you started working out a lot after that, probably a bit too much

❤︎ Zen picked up on this, and he was all for exercising with you but bbygirl you’re over doing it and you really don’t seem to be enjoying it

❤︎ so he decides to teach you how to dance!!!!

❤︎ that way, you still get the endorphins from exercise, but you also learn a great skill which gives you loads of confidence because guess what!!! you’re a natural and you look gorgeous when you dance!!!!

❤︎ teaches you that working out doesn’t necessarily need to be done for aesthetic purposes, and you can have loads of fun with your boo whilst you do it!

Yoosung:

★ bit like Zen, he kinda understands how you feel

★ he often expressed it in the chatroom that he was jealous of Zen’s looks, so I think this boy is also a little insecure

★ poor lil chicken nugget you’re beautiful too

★ but when you chose him over Zen?? oh boy the confidence boost

★ it was then that he got to appreciate that his looks didn’t mean everything, and he was grateful that he got to learn that from you

★ so when he found out you were insecure, it made him sad because??? you’re literally perfect????

★ he noticed that you were always second guessing yourself

★ you would always try on and so many outfits/do your hair over and over until giving up and throwing on whatever, but you always looked so defeated

★ he made a note from then on to always show you off to his friends like yeah bitch this is my hot ass girlfriend who also happens to be the most amazing person on earth what about it?

★ his social media is flooded with candid photos of you and the captions were always about how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to have you

★ however, he was still a little suspicious about your insecurities

★ when you were together and he asked if you want to grab something to eat, you had always “already eaten”, which started to seem unlikely especially in some situations

★ so whenever you came over, he would cook you SUPER delicious food

★ this boy is a cooking GOD

★ he also tried to make sure they were fairly healthy and balanced meals so you wouldn’t feel guilty about eating

★ little by little, your relationship with food became healthier once you discovered how good it could be when you cook properly

★ but also insecurities and bad eating habits don’t go away over night

★ so he always leaves post-it notes around reminding you to eat and take care of yourself, and also one’s that tell you how much he cares and loves everything about you

★ he’s so damn cute somebody hold me

Jaehee:

☞ GIRL SAME

☞ i know i’m repeating myself but this lady gets you

☞ we know that when she started working for Jumin, he made her cut her hair and wear fake glasses, and even though she looked HOT AS HELL (yes baehee work it) she just felt wrong and uncomfortable about her appearance

☞ so she could pick up on the fact that you were insecure from the get go

☞ she noticed how you would shy away from pictures, and you always wore clothes that would hide your body

☞ well that just won’t do

☞ something must be done

☞ you wILL FEEL THE LOVE MC YOU WILL

☞ organises a shopping trip for you to try on some hella cool outfits

☞ invites Zen along because, as stated above, he is very vocal with his praise and is just really good at hyping you up

☞ pretty sure everyone in the shop hates you because Jaehee and Zen do not hold back whenever you come out of the changing room lmao

☞ you may have been kicked out of one shop but let’s not worry about that

☞ you came home with some pretty fire outfits that were really flattering on you and just made you feel great ya know?

☞ Jaehee is usually pretty shy when asking you personal questions

☞ but she wants to help you, so one night over dinner she manages to get you to open up to her

☞ and man Jaehee is a good listener

☞ as a woman, i feel like she is able to understand where you’re coming from more than any of the others, so you’re in good hands :)

Jumin:

♚ this man…

♚ he just doesn’t get it i’m so sorry

♚ it’s not that he doesn’t care about your insecurities or thinks you are ridiculous for feeling that way, not at all actually

♚ looks were just never something he really thought about it in general

♚ he knew he was ‘good-looking’ and he knew what was considered ‘good-looking’, he just never cared about it much

♚ at first he was just like??? but you’re literally MC??? what is there to be insecure about???

♚ you had done pretty well at hiding your insecurities at the beginning of your relationship

♚ which was helped by the fact that Jumin would never assume that you had anything to dislike about yourself, so he never looked out for/noticed the signs

♚ it took a whole year guys damn

♚ it had been a year since you got together, so he wanted to take you out for a lovely meal

♚ but he also bought you a beautiful dress

♚ haha…

♚ this was where it went tits up lmao

♚ you were so grateful for it, it was a really stunning dress and you were actually pretty excited to try it on

♚ and so was he hehehe

♚ but when you came out of the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror, he noticed that your eyes were welling up and boi your face did not look happy

♚ Jumin’s like: ??????

♚ Jumin.exe has stopped working

♚ instantly takes you in his arms, shushing and cooing you as he rubbed your back

♚ “My love, what is it?”

♚ after a few sniffles, you knew you just had be honest with him

♚ “I’m sorry, Jumin. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen but I just ruin it…it belongs on someone else, not on me.”

♚ holds you so much tighter and even starts to feel tears prick his own eyes

♚ he takes a different approach to compliments

♚ he finds a way to compliment your appearance without sounding superficial or fake

♚ instead of “you’re beautiful”, he goes for “your smile lights up the room” or “you carry so much warmth and kindness in your eyes”

♚ it’s his way of letting you know that he thinks you’re the most gorgeous thing to walk the planet, but while also telling you that you are so much more than what you look like

Saeyoung:

☀︎ hoo hoo boiiiiii

☀︎ i’m just gonna cut to the chase

☀︎ he found out during some ~sexy times~

☀︎ i’m not going into graphic detail it’s not that kind of post ;)

☀︎ things were getting hella heated like damn

☀︎ so he started to ya know like…unbutton your shirt

☀︎ why am i actually getting embarrassed while writing this i need to get a grip

☀︎ spot the virgin lmfao

☀︎ but then you stopped him and he’s like P A N I C

☀︎ terrified that he crossed a line bby chill for a sec

☀︎ but then you ask if you could turn off the light and he starts to suspect that you don’t want him to see your body

☀︎ he’s so gentle about the topic it’s very sweet

☀︎ he wants you to know that he loves every fibre of your being, but he also doesn’t want to push you if you’re uncomfortable

☀︎ “MC, I adore every part of you, including your body. If you want me to turn off the light I absolutely will, but if you let me, I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

☀︎ you hesitated, but eventually agreed to leave the light on

☀︎ and JESUS CHRIST HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

☀︎ Saeyoung has an incredible attention to detail, as well as patience

☀︎ and he took his sweet time with you lemme tell ya

☀︎ you’re pretty sure he kissed every inch on your body whilst also whispering his praise as he did so

☀︎ he honestly made you feel like a Goddess

☀︎ everything he said was sincere and he just treated you with so much care and love and that shit is contagious

☀︎ ever since then, he was more physically affectionate with you until eventually you didn’t even think twice when undressing in front of him

☀︎ hello yes i would like to order one Saeyoung pls thank you

☀︎ actual love of my life

V / Jihyun:

❁ he asked you to be his model for one of his paintings

❁ and you were like ummmm……okay maybe it won’t be too bad????

❁ but this man has no chill

❁ he wanted you to be semi-nude and you were like h e l l  n o

❁ he was also Confused™

❁ you tried to make up some excuse but it was hopeless

❁ so you just told him that being nude in front of him was already difficult for you, but for you body to be on display for others to see was just too much

❁ this sweet man

❁ his heart broke

❁ it hurt him so much to know that someone with such a kind soul ever doubted her worth, especially because of something like your looks

❁ you were absolutely stunning to him, but he wanted you to believe that yourself

❁ he made a deal with you that if you modelled for him and were still uncomfortable with the outcome, then it would only ever be seen by you two

❁ you reluctantly agreed, and he made it his mission to make you see yourself through his eyes

❁ it took him a while to complete, but when he did oh man

❁ you full on started sobbing

❁ OH SHIT HE MADE MC CRY PANIC PANIC

❁ someone help this man

❁ you managed to tell him that you weren’t crying because you were upset, but because you never thought that you would ever see yourself as beautiful

❁ but the way he painted you GOOD G R I E F

❁ he made you look ethereal, and you couldn’t believe that this was how he saw you

❁ you didn’t even focus on the parts of you that you would usually hate because he made them look so heavenly and like,,,they belonged there???

❁ “Jihyun, you made me look so lovely.”

❁ “No, my love, that’s just what I saw. Everything you see here is you, nothing else.”

❁ okay great he made you cry even more goOD jOb jIhYuN

Saeran:

☽ ha ha ha ha ha

☽ you thought Jumin was bad?? oh i am so sorry my guy

☽ he just has no clue

☽ “What do you mean? Why do you care about how you look? You’re not ugly or anything.”

☽ gee thank you Saeran

☽ but also you are not helping in the slightest

☽ he’s REALLY not good at expressing his affection okay pls give him a break

☽ but he’s not heartless come on now

☽ it took him a while to fully understand where you were coming from, and even then he struggled to find a way to help

☽ Saeran is a very quiet supporter

☽ it’s hard to spot to the naked eye, but you know when Saeran cares for you because you feel it

☽ the first thing he notices is your body language

☽ and since he doesn’t really know what to do, he kinda just...adjusts you

☽ for example, if he sees that your body language is very closed off, almost like your trying to hide your body, he’ll silently move your shoulders and fix your posture so you are more open

☽ and if he sees you bow your head or try to block your face, he’ll silently lift your chin up

☽ but the most important part is that when he does this, he always smiles at you

☽ now Saeran is very careful with expressing his emotions. so when he does show his feelings, you know he means it

☽ so you started to hold yourself with more certainty and confidence, because it made him smile to see you not hiding away

☽ ‘fake it til you make it’ is a very real thing, and eventually it became natural to embrace every part of you

☽ when he became more comfortable, he told you that he was proud of how far you’d come and how he loved to see you feel good in your own skin

***

Thank you anon for the request, I hope you’re doing okay. Once again, anyone is welcome to message me if you’re struggling and need a friend to talk to <3 x

[slvtbible]

yours, mine and ours

summary: your former partner left you during your pregnancy then after four months you met Harry, who took care of you and the baby. years later an unwanted guest shows up at your house at night

a/n: hiii! i was bored and realized i haven’t written in a looong time. GOLD is still in the making, don’t worry. but lately i’m a sucker for dad!harry so here it is! if it sucks i’m sorry, i’m a little rusty after not writing for a while. nevertheless hope you all enjoy it! give me feedbacks after! xx

***

Back in college, you met whom you thought was the love of your life. It all started when he asked to borrow a pen from biology class and had asked you out shortly after to hang out with him. You were inseparable ever since. You two had begun dating for over two years and the thought of being with someone else new didn’t even cross your mind back then, the two of you were too in love. Even your friends were getting sick of it. He had treated you with love and respect, your family loved him and vice versa. The thought of getting married had always been a conversation between the two of you and you were so sure of it. 

But your future fairy tale had ended when you found out you were pregnant. You woke up with a headache before fleeing towards the bathroom and threw up on a toilet bowl. When you bought a pregnancy test from the nearest pharmacy to make sure, you were terrified but at the same time delighted that you were pregnant. You thought that Brian would feel the same way as well when you broke the news to him. Instead, his face fell. He was angry and upset, asking you how could you be so stupid to let something like that happened. He wasn’t ready at all. He loved you but he wasn’t ready. His priority was now his work and he’d be damned to let a baby ruin that for him. At least that’s what he said.

You were broken and disappointed when he left. The whole thing was frightening you. How on earth could you possibly take care of your own baby alone? Your family lived in a different city and although you have friends who care about you, they still have their own lives to deal. It was crazy and you were losing your mind. 

Then you met Harry. A sweet, shy yet gentle loving man who adores you. You two met at a supermarket. You were craving for a yoghurt and had no one else to ask to buy it except yourself, although your feet were tiring and your back was hurting it must have been done. Harry was nearby when you were struggling to grab the item due to the height. He walked over to you and helped you by giving it to you. He was so sweet and kind plus he was a sucker for pregnant women, he loves babies. 

For twenty minutes the two of you were talking and had shared a few stories here and there, it felt really really good. It has been a while since you talked to people other than your mother and your best friend, Janice. He was telling you how he loved coming back to this city because LA had always been such a pressure to him and he needed to get away from all of that. When he learned that your former partner had abandoned you while you were carrying a child, he was angry yet he remained calm on the outside. How could anyone hurt a gorgeous woman like you and left his own baby because of his selfish needs? How?

And that’s when he asked you out to go to lunch, he promised himself to take good care of you and be there for you whenever you needed something.

Now, here you are at twenty five years old, working at a local hospital and has a two year old daughter along with your beautiful fiance. You feel so happy to be with two people that you love more than anything in this world. Nothing could ever replace them.

“Mommy look! I drew unicorn!” Your daughter, Bella squeals. Excitedly showing you her drawing full of purple and pink color. She is honestly the cutest baby you have ever seen.

You smile down at her as you are preparing for dinner, wiping down your hands on your apron. “Wow baby! You’re really good, aren’t you my little artist? Why don’t you show it to daddy when he gets home?” You lean down and kisses her chubby cheek,

She giggles and nods her head before running off to the living room to draw some more. You go back to put a few utensils on the table when you hear the front door open,

“I’m home! How’s my two beautiful girls doing?” Harry walks in with a huge grin on his face. Work has always been so stressful for him but knowing that he gets to see his girls at the end of the day always turns his frown upside down,

“Daddy!” Bella squeals, running quickly towards his tall broad figure and hugs his leg as she laughs, “You home!”

Harry’s smile is even wider now, lifting his leg up before grabbing her small body and holding her close to his chest. “How are you my baby angel? Were you being good to mumma while I was out?”

Bella nods, wrapping her tiny hands around his neck. “Missed you daddy. I drew unicorn! Daddy see!”

Harry smiles and kisses his baby girl’s cheek and puts her down. “Really? You did? Go and get it then, pumpkin” he says, petting her head before she walks off,  excited to show her daddy. After he sees her rushes towards the living room, he turns towards the dining room, seeing you place the home cooked meal. The sight of your hair up in a messy bun and dirty apron causes his heart to swell, you may think you look absolutely ridiculous at the moment but to him, you still look beautiful as ever.

“Hi, lovie” He greets you, wrapping his arm around your waist and kisses your temple. “I’ve missed you at work today.”

You look up to him and give him a warm smile that he always adores, pecking his soft lips. “Hi, H. How was your day?” You ask, untying your apron before putting it down on the counter,

Harry lets out a frustrated sigh, giving you a weary smile. “Better now that i’m home with you. Couldn’t wait to get home to see my two favorite girls. Was pretty bored.”

“Mhmm, i’ve missed you too. I switched my shift with Maya today so no night shifts for me, I get to spend time with you and Bella.” you say, heart warms when he pulls you closer and pecks your forehead, taking your hand as the two of you walk towards the living room

“Finally. Bella has been dying to watch Toy Story 4 with us. Said she doesn’t wanna watch it alone with me, wants her momma too.” He says, pulling off his coat before placing it on the couch. His eyes then turn to your daughter, whose hands are busy grabbing all of the drawings she created. “Are those it, baby?” he asks, kneeling down to her level,

She gives him a toothy smile and gives the papers to him. “Look daddy! This one for you!”

Harry’s heart warms at her statement, gasping slightly as he takes the paper from her little hands. “Oh really? Thank you so much, baby! Daddy will keep it forever!”

Bella giggles and pecks Harry on his cheek before moving her tiny legs towards you. “Mommy, pee.” she says, her big brown eyes looking up to you as she tugs your pants,

You laugh before picking her up. “Okay baby. Harry, love, can you please take the lasagna from the oven please? And go place it on the table. We’ll eat right after Bella takes her potty.”

Harry gets up and nods his head, “Sure thing, bub.” He walks back into the kitchen, taking out the lasagna from the oven and nearly waters at the smell. You sure really know how to cook.

“God, i’m a lucky son of a bitch.” He mutters, smiling softly and places the food on the table. As he struts his way towards the living room to wait for you, he hears a knock on the door. He frowns, looking at the clock noticing it is almost 7pm and wonders who could it be. He doesn’t think you or him called anyone.

The knocks don't even stop, so he slowly makes his way to the front door before grabbing a bat just in case it was a stalker or worse.

He unlocks the door and the sight causes him to almost fall on his knees. He doesn’t even need to ask who he is. He knows exactly who’s the bloke.  The same man who broke your heart years ago, left you with a baby to take care of and had made you fear of falling in love again because the trauma was unbearable. 

Seeing this man standing there and all Harry sees is a picture of you breaking down to tears, blaming yourself for what happened and wishes that you could be good enough for this son of a bitch. He sees red. But he needs to remain calm and collected or else this could go downhill.

Brian is startled, seeing Harry open the door is unexpected. He thought that it was you instead. “Uhh, does y/n lives here?”

Harry crosses his arms, clenching his jaw. How could this asshole even dares to say her name?

“Yes. Can I help you?” Harry asks, leaning against the door frame. Struggling not to kick his ass.

“I uh kinda need to talk to her mate. It’s kind of important.” Brian says, shoving his hands inside his jacket,

“You’ve lost that privilege a long time ago. She doesn’t wanna see you. Get out.” Harry demands. There is no way in hell, Harry would let this man talk to you. Even for a slight second.

Brian scoffs, “look man, you think you know about our relationship but you don’t, now can you go get me y/n? I’m not leaving until I see her.”

“Get off my property before I call the police.” Harry threatens, clenching his fists. He is absolutely ready to throw a punch if he doesn’t leave,

Brian is about to say something back to him, that is after you walk back and call out Harry’s name making the two men freeze,

“Harry? Who’s that on the door?” you question, putting down Bella on her playpen. Your heart stops beating for a couple seconds, you swear it, soon as you see who’s on the front door. 

“Brian?” you squeak, lips beginning to tremble. You cannot believe he found out where you live and had the guts to stop by. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, y/n” Brian greets awkwardly, seeing you walking closer to the front door. Harry sees how your demeanor changed in a sec. That’s how much this Brian guy had made you suffer and he can’t accept that.

“Just came to say hi.”

“Say hi?” you ask beginning to get mad, tears fill your eyes as he smiles softly at you. “You left me with a baby, alone. You blamed me for everything that has happened and you thought that it was okay to stop by and say ‘hi’?”

Harry breaks when he sees you like that, your voice cracks. You were being just fine, already forgot this bloke for what he did to you and now he showed up years later to ruin that.

“Baby..” Harry starts,

“I know i’m so sorry but i am here to let you know that i’m a changed man. I still love you all these years. I was wrong to leave you with the baby. I’m … ready to be a father to our baby. Ready to be with you again. I promise i won’t ever leave your side again, love.” Brian says, eyes never leaving hers.

For a second, Harry’s face fell. He’s very much upset with it. With this Brian guy. The word ‘father’ coming from his mouth is just like a stab to Harry’s heart. A father?! Brian was never the father and never will be! Harry is! He loves Bella and treats her like his own daughter--because she is!-- and no one could ever replace that. 

“It’s a she” Harry butts in, glaring at him. Gently pushing y/n behind him because he can no longer see her breaks,

“What?” asks Brian dumbfounded,

“The baby is a girl. And she is not yours. She’s maybe your blood but i’m the one who’s been taking care of her, i’m the one who loves her, i’m the one who helped y/n throughout her pregnancy and i was the one who’s there when y/n gave a birth. You are not her father but I am.” Harry says, stepping forward, chest to chest with Brian.

Somehow, brian doesn’t see Harry as a threat, instead he laughs. “Call yourself whatever you want but that’s MY daughter. And I am ready to be there for her, both of them. That’s my family inside not yours.” Brian seethes. 

Harry can no longer express his anger because he was too hurt. So he pushes Brian and sternly says, “Get out.”

However Brian isn’t finished, he has something else to say but that soon cut off when you interfere,

“Get the hell out of here, Brian. You are not welcome.” you snap, feeling yourself might break down,

“y/n please…”

“No!” you yell completely exhausted by now, “get out now!” you threaten, ready to close the door.

Brian looks at her for a while to see whether she could change her mind but noticing that she won’t, he scoffs, shaking his head and back away from her before walking back to his car and driving away.

you sigh out and walk back inside the house before closing the door. Soon as you walk back in, you see your fiance standing in the middle of the living room with his head hanging down and his hands on his hips. You can tell that what happened has upset him. He is close to crying and you can’t help but feel your heart breaks at the sight.

“Harry, baby..” you call out, walking towards him and standing in front of him. Putting your finger under his chin and making him look at you. Your eyes sadden as you see his eyes beginning to get glossy. “He’s gone, baby. He left. It’s okay.”

Harry sniffles and nods his head as he looks at you. “It’s just.. I love Bella and you. He’s not her father but I am. She’s OUR baby not his. Ours. i know i may not be her real father but--”

“Stop. you ARE her real father. You may not be her blood but you have done more for her and me than he ever did. Yes, she is ours. She has always been our baby, my love. Bella calls you her dad not Brian not anyone else. She loves you. You’ve always been there for her, right? You’ve never left her side.” you say softly, placing her hands on the either side of his cheeks, thumbs rubbing softly underneath his eyes.

He begins to smile softly after what you just said to him. His heart and soul are warm now, he should’ve known that you and Bella are his family not that bloke’s. He proposed to you and Bella calls him ‘daddy’. He is so lucky. Nothing could change that ever. He was there to mend Bella’s booboo, he was there when you needed him to get groceries because you were working late and won’t be back home till 10, he was the one who was lucky enough to have a movie night every friday with Bella and you. 

He was the one who got to witness Bella’s first ballet recital with you and had her run towards him after the show was over, calling him ‘daddy!’ over and over to ask him whether she did great on the recital or didn’t, he was the one who Bella made a pancake for on Father’s Day and gifted him a ‘world’s best daddy’ drawing with him and her on the paper and lastly he was the one who gets to make love to you every night, confessing each other’s love and gets to take care of you after, cuddles you close to his chest not caring about the sweaty bodies.

“And you should know that we both love you with all of our hearts. No one could ever take that away. No one.”

[satoruvt]

the color of you - red (4)

I AM VERY PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER AND I HOPE YOU GUYS LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO !!! TCOY IS BACK BABY!!

pairing → keigo takami x bakery owner!reader

word count → 3104

summary → you’re not really dating, so you can’t really be in love with him… right?

song inspo → i feel it too by the academic and a lil of fever dream by mxmtoon!

this chapter → y/n and keigo go to a hero awards ceremony, y/n feels things, keigo looks fuckin GOOD in all black.

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

You are really not built for this.

Everything is so… intimidating. The hotel, the suite that Keigo put you in, the makeup artist for both of you, your dress. Oh, God, your dress is intimidating. 

When Keigo had brought up the awards ceremony coming up those weeks ago it’d seemed so far away. Back then you hadn’t even thought of all the steps you needed to take to get ready, you were still basking in the honeymoon phase of your fake relationship. And then a week and a half ago, Keigo - on his now routine stop to the bakery at closing time - had asked if you were getting ready for it. 

All the stress hit you in one go, right then, knocking you off your feet. You looked up at Keigo, horrified, and he snorted through a mouthful of a leftover cupcake from the day. 

“Oh my God, Kei, why didn’t you say anything?” You’d dropped the rag you were using to clean up, running your hands over your face. “Holy shit, this is so bad.”

“Y/N.”

“Don’t ‘Y/N’ me! I’m not prepared at all! This entire thing is ruined, I don’t have any time to buy a dress or - or shoes, or makeup -”

Keigo stood up straight from where he was leaning, walking the few steps to you and putting his hands on your shoulders. “Calm down, sweetheart,” he said, and you looked up at him with furrowed brows and pouted lips. “I’ll take care of it. I figured you wouldn’t have anything done.”

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that last part,” you had mumbled, met only with a teasing grin.

The makeup artist Keigo hired walks into your room from the door connected to Keigo’s, and you jump out of your thoughts at her soft greeting. You breathe out one of your own, toweling your wet hair so it doesn’t drip so much, watching as she sets her things down on the only desk in the room. You sit down where she asks you to, letting her get to work.

“Nervous?” She asks you when she starts applying makeup onto your eyelids. You nod as softly as you can.

“Terrified,” you tell her, and even with just one word you don’t feel as intimidated. “I’m not used to this kind of stuff at all.”

You hear her chuckle, and open one eye when you feel the light pressure of the brush leave your eyelid. “I guess that’s what happens when you’re dating the number two hero,” she says, and you give a small laugh of your own.

She continues working and both of you offer snippets of conversation, you gradually getting more comfortable with everything that’s happening. It’s still intimidating as hell, but by the time she’s done with your makeup and hair, you feel a lot better.

“I’ll send the stylist in to help you get in your dress,” she says as she cleans up her things. You nod, distant, too busy looking at yourself in the hand mirror she’d handed you because holy shit, have you always been this hot?

The makeup artist rests a gentle hand on your shoulder and when you turn to her she sends you a quick wink with a smile. “You got this. You’ll do great.”

You feel your chest warm with her words and nod. “Thank you,” you say softly, and realize only when she’s walked out the door that you never got her name. You’ll have to ask Keigo later.

The stylist comes in not long after she’s left, bright smile on his face. “Let’s get you into your dress, yeah?”

-

So things aren’t as bad as you thought they’d be, and maybe you were overreacting a little bit.

The dress isn’t as intimidating when you have it on. It’s slimmer, not a huge gown, with a slit to your mid thigh which makes it a bit easier to walk. The neckline is something you’re not too used to - a deep V - but you suppose it could be much worse. The color is probably your favorite part, though - it’s deep red, eye-catching and mysterious, almost. You feel a sense of warmth at the knowledge that Keigo had picked the dress out himself (the stylist let it slip when he was helping you into it).

You manage to put on your shoes by yourself, and when you stand up from the bed you wobble a bit, but you tell yourself it’s fine. Most of the night is sitting down anyways, right? It shouldn’t be that bad. 

There’s a knock on door, coming from the hallway, and when the voice speaks you recognize it as Keigo’s manager. “You ready, Y/N?” she asks, and you yell back a quick yeah! before grabbing your earrings and putting them on as quick as you can. You’d already stocked your small purse with anything you might need, and you grab it on your way out the door.

The second you leave the threshold of your suite, however, it seems you moved too fast, because your heels wobble and you end up falling forward. This is it, you think to yourself, this is where I die.

Your imminent death doesn’t come, though, because instead you find yourself in someone’s arms. Their cologne is familiar and you take a moment to inhale, deep, letting the scent wash over you, but then realize that might be really weird because you don’t even know for sure who this is yet -

You look up, meeting gold eyes and a cocky smirk, and you feel both happiness (that you didn’t sniff someone random) and dread (because it’s never good when he looks at you like that) at seeing that it’s Keigo.

“Looks like you’ve fallen for me,” he says. You raise an eyebrow at him, but you can’t hide your smile.

“Oh, yes,” you humor him. “Now help me up. I’m pretty sure we have somewhere to be.”

Keigo chuckles but does as you ask, helping you push yourself back up onto your feet. You’re embarrassed at everyone staring at the two of you - everyone being Keigo’s manager and publicist, as well as a few others - but they fall back into the quick rhythm they had before. Everyone starts walking towards the elevator and you subconsciously grab onto Keigo’s arm to help stable yourself. 

You’re waiting for the elevator to come up to your floor when Keigo leans towards you. 

“I know that we’re not actually dating,” he says and he’s whispering directly into your ear and has his voice always sounded like this? “So I hope it’s okay to tell you that you look gorgeous and I feel ridiculously proud to call you my fake girlfriend.”

It takes you a second longer than usual to respond because you’re grappling with what just happened (or rather how you reacted to what just happened) but you manage to open your mouth anyways. “More than okay,” you say genuinely, looking at him, but then you realize that’s too serious. “You should feel proud. I’m hot as hell.”

Keigo snorts, then feigns offense. “What, you don’t even have a compliment to pay back to me? Nothing at all?”

“You’re looking like an eight out of ten.”

“That’s all I get?” Keigo says incredulously, putting a hand over his heart. You giggle at his antics, feeling yourself becoming more and more comfortable - it almost feels like it’s just the two of you on a date, like usual. 

“Fine. How about…” you pause for a moment, listening to the elevator ding as you think of what to say. You look him over dramatically, but then you realize that holy shit, he does look amazing. He’s in all black - even his shirt and tie - and with his wings standing out against the black, he looks gorgeous. You don’t fail to notice the sparkle on his cheekbones, and you pay extra attention to the rings decorating his fingers. This is crazy. Absolutely insane. “You are probably the most attractive man I’ve ever had the pleasure of dating.”

The words come out more breathless than you wanted them to, and you realize too late you said dating and not fake dating, but Keigo seems pleased nonetheless, so you don’t try to correct yourself. He offers you a shit-eating grin and roll your eyes, pressing hair behind your ear to distract yourself from how hot it is as you get into the elevator.

The ride down to the car is comfortable, quiet, but you feel strangely uneasy. Keigo helps you into the car and then climbs in himself, but you’re too focused on your mind to make any conversation. It’s not like you haven’t noticed that Keigo’s absolutely beautiful - before you started “dating” him you’d spent time simply looking at pictures of him. And even now you found yourself sometimes just letting your eyes trace over him; but it’d never hit you like this. It was merely acknowledgement before, knowing that yeah, he’s hot. But just then, that was… there was something. A flip in your heart, heat rushing over your entire body. 

Before you can think about it anymore, the car stops and Keigo looks over at you. “You ready?” he asks, and you take a deep breath.

“Not in the slightest,” you respond with a smile, and Keigo returns it with one of his own. The door opens and he gets out first, adjusting his suit as you slide over the seat. He helps you out of the car and immediately you’re taken aback by just how bright it is. Paparazzi with cameras, lights flooded over the area just to light up the place. 

Keigo and you start walking - your hand in his so you don’t fall over - and he leans closer to you so you can hear him over the sound of chatter and cameras clicking. “If you want we can leave at any time,” he says, and you blink at the numerous people around you. “I know you’re not used to it.”

The thought makes your heart warm, but you shake your head with a small smile. “I’ll be okay. We’re here for you, anyways, I’d hate to ruin it.”

The two of you stop in front of a banner, posing for the cameras in front of you. It’s awkward for you, but you suppose it comes with the job, so you give your best shot. Keigo takes his eyes away from the camera for a moment and you meet his eyes as he talks. 

“You matter more than some dumb-as-hell awards ceremony, and both of us know I’d rather be home, so if you ever feel like it…” 

The sentiment makes you laugh and Keigo’s hand slips from yours to go around your waist. Neither of you say anything for a while longer, posing for paparazzi as you both move down the line that seems to have formed. It’s not until an interviewer comes by that you’re really prompted to speak again. You don’t know why you’re surprised when she starts off asking about your relationship.

“So you guys have been dating for about a month and a half, right? Pretty close to when you two first met?” 

Keigo looks at you and you’re confused until you realize he’s trying to dramatize everything, and you look at him with just as much longing as he’s trying to convey to you. “Yeah,” he says, looking back to the reporter. “I just… couldn’t stay away from her, I guess.”

You laugh lightly, and the reporter gives Keigo her attention for a while before she asks you a question directly. It makes you blink, being addressed - this whole thing seems surreal.

“So, Y/N,” the reporter says, smiling at you. You pretend not to notice that it’s definitely fake. “You used to be a fan of Hawks, right?”

The answer comes so easy and quick that it scares you: “Bold of you to assume I’m not still a fan.”

The reporter laughs and you offer a shy chuckle of your own before you speak again, into the microphone she holds to your lips. “No, I just… I’m a fan of him in a new way, you know? I’m so proud of everything he does, even if his line of work is particularly… concerning. And I’m so excited to see what else is in store for him.”

You make eye contact with Keigo and he looks proud and, honestly, touched. Which he should, you think, because regardless of dating or fake dating he has gotten to be one of your best friends, and you are proud of him. You feel a hand prod at your own and when you look down he’s intertwining your fingers with his.

“That’s adorable,” the reporter says. “Well, thanks for stopping to talk! Hopefully I’ll see you guys later.”

Keigo says something along the lines of “thanks for having us” before the two of you walk away, heading for the entrance of the venue.

-

By the time you and Keigo get back to the hotel, it’s late and you are exhausted. 

You pull your hotel key out of your purse, swipe it against the lock (it doesn’t open the first time so you groan and Keigo laughs at you) and when the door opens you stumble inside and Keigo follows after you. You flop onto the bed with a loud thump and feel the weight shift as he sits on the edge of it.

“Tired?” He asks, and you remember that you have makeup on, so you sit up, brushing whatever came off of your face off of the comforter. 

“Fuck,” you say in response, sitting so you can properly take your heels off. “How do you guys do that?”

“I try not to,” Keigo says, and you whistle. Your second shoe falls to the floor and you stand to find where you put some cheap makeup wipes (the one thing you did prepare for). 

“I understand why,” you say. Your eyes fall across the package on the desk, and you open it quickly, eager to get rid of the makeup. It’s started to feel heavy on your skin. “Are you upset you didn’t win anything? You were nominated for a lot.”

You look at Keigo as you ask, running a wipe over your cheek. He’s pulled off his shoes and suit jacket, leaning against the headboard of the bed on his phone. He shrugs. “Not really.”

You’re surprised by his answer - if there’s anything you’ve learned about Keigo, it’s that he’s ambitious. You figured he would have wanted to win something. He was nominated for plenty of awards; most of them went to older heroes, though - one even to All Might, despite his retirement.

“No?” 

“No,” Keigo confirms, tossing his phone aside. “It’s not my goal as a hero to win shit. That’s not why I do what I do. I just… want more free time than I know what to do with. And I want other heroes to have the same thing.”

You hum, wiping the last of your makeup off. You throw the multiple wipes you used into the trash. “Does this have to do with the whole… I started my agency super young thing?”

“Maybe.”

You scoff, running a hand through your hair and effectively ruining its style. Your next task is to get out of your dress, and you know for a fact you’re not able to tug the zipper down yourself, so with a second of hesitation, you turn to Keigo.

“Could you, um,” you start, and he raises his eyes to you. “Could you help me with the zipper?”

Something flashes in his eyes for half a second before he nods casually, hopping off of the bed to stand behind you.

You’re in front of the mirror, and the two of you meet eyes through the mirror before you look away, holding the top of your dress to your chest so it doesn’t expose too much. You’re really not sure if he means to, but it seems like Keigo’s going really fucking slow with this, and with your still-confusing feelings and the fact that he’s wearing rings and how good his cologne smells it’s driving you straight into madness and thank God, he’s done.

“Thanks,” you say as casually as you can. “Now leave.”

Keigo looks offended. “I don’t even get to see you - my girlfriend? The love of my life? This is an outrage!”

His humor makes you almost forget - almost - about your emotions running wild, and you roll your eyes. “I know I’m absolutely irresistible, but the last time I checked, I’m the fake love of your life, and that is not qualification enough to see me naked.”

Keigo pouts - he looks like a puppy, you think to yourself - and you walk to the closet, where a bag of your things for the night is. “Go get into comfy clothes too. We’ll watch a movie, yeah?”

The idea seems good enough to Keigo, because then he’s grabbing his things and walking into his room through the connected door, leaving you to get dressed in your comfiest shorts and a t-shirt (which may or may not be one that you stole from him when you were over at his place that one time you guys hung out).

Keigo comes back a few minutes after you’ve changed - he gives you a pointed look after definitely noticing your shirt, to which you smile innocently - and jumps on the bed next to you. It takes the two of you a while to find a movie to watch, mostly because you suggest one thing and Keigo hates it, and when he suggests another you decide you’re not in the mood for it. You end up deciding on a horribly cheesy horror movie that Keigo manages to be okay with.

Twenty minutes into the movie and both you and Keigo decide that food sounds like the best decision and one glance at the room service menu tells you that nothing at the hotel will be anything close to satisfactory, and one of your favorite places to eat crosses your mind.

“Pizza?” you pitch to Keigo, and his eyes shine like you just confessed your undying love to him. With a gentle giggle you call for delivery, and in another fifteen minutes you’re stuffing the best pizza you’ve ever had into your mouth. The movie’s still playing, but neither you nor Keigo pay it any mind, instead more focused on eating and getting caught up in conversation.

The night ends so well and so comfortably that you don’t even remember falling asleep.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death  /  terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

[nomoregoldfish]

Imagine Pacho Sends You as a Gift to (Spy on) Amado 3/3

More smut (but I’m really bad at writing it, :////). Plot twist guaranteed. And I can’t believe I wrote 6K for this, FML. What has Chema done to me? I also made a few changes in the first two parts, read the whole thing on AO3.

You are woken by a phone call in the middle of the night. But you neither move nor open your eyes. You hear some numbers, Amado sounds irritated. It could be something related to tonight's dinner?

Your patience is wore out minutes after minute and Amado still hasn't returned to bed. You make a bold decision to wake up, and the Mexican is smoking by the window. Something keeps him up at night? That doesn't sound like the Lord of the Skies, the man who has had the world at his feet.

"You wanna talk, more sex or a bath?" You carefully propose.

"I was expecting for late night snacks you pull with some Asian witch shit." Amado lets you sit on his lap. "Hang on, I've got some leftovers from the kitchen."

You two settle for sharing the jacarandas mochi from a small food container in the bathtub.

"You like it?" You don't really need validation from Amado. It's just you spent hours coming up with the idea of improvisation, trying to make a traditional Japanese dessert more appealing to the Mexican guests. "I made the bean paste from scratch, less sugar. I understand most Mexicans are not used to sweet bean paste..."

"They don't deserve it." Amado suddenly claims. You don't get it. Who are they? "They are just a bunch of pigs in expensive suits, corrupted, stinky pieces of shit." Then Amado tells you almost everything. He invited the tequila exporters with the hope that the cartel could use their affiliate companies in the States as front to launder more drug money since tequila is one of the largest yet least regulated businesses between the US and Mexico. And the politicians are officials from Mexican Customs Bureau and SHCP.

"Fucking idiots. They thought I was gonna ask them to smuggle coke under the tequila crates. With all the fucking Pier 1 sofa and Ford pasenger seat manufacturers in Juárez, I've had more than enough trucks to move products across the border." When Amado brought up money laundering, the tequila exporters expressed concern regarding possible investigation of tax evasion from ATF, putting more pressure on Amado to increase their cut.

They eventually made a deal less favorable to the cartel and that's why Amado's a bit pissed when he's on the phone.

"Why are you telling me this?" For the first time that night, you ask softly.

"Those cabrón. They don't deserve what you bring to the table. You pour your heart and soul, making the best feast I've ever had. You deserve to know what happened." 

You've never thought you'd hear that from Amado. He didn't have to tell you anything. It makes you lower your guard. You want to get closer to him, without any agenda.

"Does this mean my body won't be put in the trunk of one of your auto collections tomorrow?" You try to lighten it up.

Amado kisses you from behind. The position is awkward but neither of you care. 

Making out with Amado in the bathtub makes the night better than your wettest dream. 

The Mexican's gonna make you cum again with those magician hands of his.

"You...haven't told me if you like the jacarandas mochi." You're so screwed. Maybe you'll never get the answer because Amado's too busy sucking you tits.

Amado clears his schedule the next day. He brings you to the Asian boutique where he bought the Japanese painting.

"One of my guys found this place. I thought you might be interested..." That's cute from a drug lord. But you're not that kind of person.

"A) I don't need a Buddha artifact home to find my inner peace, and B) only Pacho wears shirts with Chinese characters taken from a poem back in the Tang Dynasty. Seriously, he's ridiculous. Come on, let's go."

Instead, you two spend the day trying different Asian food you can find in DF. From hotpot to Peking roasted duck, from pho to char kway teow. Amado seems to enjoy the Chinese food more than others.

"Most Asian restaurants in North America are run by the Chinese, from San Francisco to DF. Since you guys can't tell if an Asian cook is from China, Japan, Vietnam or Thailand, he or she would quickly learn dishes from other Asian countries. We are always the most hardworking people." You explain to him.

"Oh, I love hardworking people." He's so full of shit but you can't help smiling. 

Amado finds a fortune cookie note saying "Happy New Year of Monkey." Then you explain Monkey is one of the Chinese zodiac signs which repeat every 12 years. 

"So 1956...I am a monkey? Cool." He's surprisingly quick with math.

You write the Chinese character of monkey on a napkin and Amado seems fascinated by it. So you suggest that he could get the Chinese character tattooed, "Next time you can show that to Pacho. He probably would get one, too."

Holy shit, he's really doing it. 

The way the tattoo parole Amado brings you to is cleared makes you believe it's part of the cartel business, which makes perfect sense. 

"You don't have any tattoos? Not at all?" You're surprised when the tattoo artist prepares Amado's skin on his forearm, first cleaning then shaving.

"We've fucked three times, once in a bathtub," Amado grins, obviously in a good mood, "Don't you think it's a bit late to ask? Or I fucked you too hard you didn't notice?"

Thank God the tattoo artist doesn't even flinch.

OK, you have to get back at the fucker. So when the tattoo artist asks you for the character to make a design, you write pig in Chinese instead of monkey.

"Hold on, that doesn't look like what you wrote on the napkin. Let me see it." Right after the tattoo artist places an outline of the design on his skin, the Mexican stops him.

You're 100% sure Amado doesn't speak or write Chinese. How the fuck does he figure it out?

"What is it exactly? Tell me the truth or you will have an honest conversation with my brother." Amado makes the threat more scary by pointing at Vicente, who stands next to the door with two guns and a pink lollipop. 

"Wait. He doesn't know shit. It was me...I wrote a different character." Your confession is quick, you don't want to see anyone get hurt over this beef.

You thought it's just a silly prank. Now you realize you're dealing with the most notorious narcos of the country. Amado may look like a businessman, reasonable, even decent. He's still capable of getting violent whenever he thinks it is necessary, to an extent you really don't want to know.

You take a deep breath, then apologize to Amado. You are ready for the consequence. 

"Apology accepted. On one condition, you'll have the exact same tattoo as I do when the new design is done." Fair enough.

But you're a chef who often needs to cook right in front of customers. You can't let them see a tattoo on your forearm. 

"How about here?" The Mexican is touching your breast as if no one's around.

It's a small tattoo, just one character. But it's near your heart and you're sensitive as fuck.

You can't move but your nipples are hard almost through the entire process. Amado's right beside you and he sees everything. Someone please help you ease the pain FFS.

The fucker doesn't act on it until you get into the car. Amado shuts the soundproof panel between the front and rear seats and the next thing you know, you're riding the man who just makes you get a stupid matching tattoo. It fucking stings, and itchy. Yet the pleasure is undeniable when your tits being teased, bit, sucked. Amado carefully avoids the tattoo, which makes you want him to scratch the itch even more. You scream his name when you cum with both extreme pleasure and pain.

Amado puts an arm around you when it's over. Two matching tattoos are right next to one another. Your heart is still beating fast from the afterglow, echoing his pulse.

You feel the caress on your beast, it hurts a bit yet the body warmth is nice. Is it how it feels to be marked by someone else? Not many people will ever see it, plus it's not a specific name or symbol that would embarrass you later. It'd be a secret.

"You know what? You won't be able to find a dead body to stand in for you when you eventually betray me, sweetheart. No one else would get a tattoo like this." 

What Amado just says feels like a kick in the stomach. It's cold and absolutely right. Have you been sloppy? Has Amado figured out something already? "Why would I betray you?" You ask, but he doesn't give an answer.

It's the last day of your stay. You have a very special package delivered from Japan.

You gonna make blowfish sashimi tonight for Amado.

Everyone knows it's toxic so it has to be handled with meticulous care. You make Amado watch every step —  a set of fuguhiki, knives with thin blade is unwrapped, you pick them one by one to gut the fish, remove the deadly liver and ovaries, skin it and cut off its head. Then instead of cutting outward like most people do, you turn a knife to cut inward. 

"Careful! You shouldn't hold knife like that." Amado almost jumps in to help. But you assure him it's OK. Then you show off the technique to cut extremely thin and translucent slices of blowfish.

To make the white meat more attractive, you set the slices in a large plate with red poppy flower pattern. They are so thin, the poppy flower is still visible when all's done.

"An ancient Chinese writer used to say, 'The taste of blowfish is worthy of death.'" You joke when you mix the sauce. "Don't worry. I'm a licensed blowfish-preparation chef."

Amado squints, "So you're testing me."

You want to tell him to just trust you, but you don't know how.

"There's no antidote for the tetrodotoxin. But I'll eat it, too. If it's poisonous, our muscle will be paralyzed bit by bit when we're fully conscious, eventually we won't be able to breathe. We're going to die slowly, painfully and desperately."

You take the first bite, Amado follows.

"Why are you so loyal to him?" Amado breaks the silence, "For one, you don't sleep with him. You obviously are not related. And as far as I know, money can't buy loyalty."

"I'll answer it if you answer my question first." The Mexican agrees. "You didn't want me for me, you barely knew me. You made the decision when Pacho said I was the best, he wouldn't last a week without me. You want him, or something that makes you his equivalent. Except being gay, I don't know. You won't fuck his boys, so I'm the next proxy. Am I correct?"

After a pause, Amado nods. Then it's your turn.

"How many female chefs do you know?" Amado is confused for a few seconds, then he gets it.

"There was no place for you in your line of work, just like there was no place for him in this game controlled by men, men who have multiple wives and fuck whores. He sees himself in you. So he takes you under his wings."

"Yes. Pacho is the only one who's believed me. He's also the biggest shareholder of my first restaurant."

Amado then asks what you gonna tell Pacho when you return. "I'll tell him you give really good heads. Maybe he should try it himself." You wink, "No, I'll let him know you're not a cold-blooded bastard. Even though you sometimes make awful choice by dipping sashimi in guacamole, you're appreciative of other people's work." You really mean it, you like Amado. But you'll probably never know if he buys it or if it matters.

After a while, you finish the whole plate of blowfish sashimi. "Seems we're not dead." Amado's poking your cheek with chopsticks.

"No, we are not."

"Last question, why did Pacho send you?"

"Amado, you would've done the same. You know that."

[dropsofletters]

action, romance or comedy?

title: action, romance or comedy? pairing: lee jeno/reader genre: cinema worker!au/accidental texting!au/strangers to lovers!au summary: jeno hates college, and loves movies more than he should, so when he is reminded at eleven at night that he has a project to complete and it is worth a big percentage of the final grade—he texts whoever he has been paired up with. two bad things happen: he texts the wrong person and he fails that class, but the good thing that comes from that event is comforting enough. type: fluff

The smell of popcorn lingers in the air, and somehow it is relaxing. The sound of special effects in the background, typical of an action movie, is barely even heard by the two workers of the night shift at the cinema. Normally, the young man with the bleached blonde hair stood by the entrance of the auditoriums, checking tickets and then watching movies without paying for them. At all. However, there is something in the air, like when he knows something bad will happen but all he can do is scroll through his phone. He clicks on the Instagram app, then he checks his texts, he looks through his pictures to see if there is anything new, but he is only met with ridiculous pictures of his best friends.

Lee Jeno would say that he is happy—when he watches a new movie, imagines what it would be like if he would be a very famous movie reviewer with a nice blog and a lot of following, or when he is out with friends feeling like youth lasts forever. Yet, to ever get to be the adult-type of happy, he has to go through college. Sure, he is some film major that adores spending his time catching up with the newest productions in all genres of movies, but he absolutely hates that semester’s professors. All methodical, very lost in theories and theories when film should be all about creation. Creativity, but not the type artists have with pens and colors, or the ones singers have with their voices…the one that comes with a camera-roll and a script normally written by someone else.

He thought it would be fun, you know? But it really isn’t.

With his cheek pressed against his forearm, he rests his upper body on the counter near the snack store. His coworker, Jaemin, is drinking his normal cup of coffee—Jeno, however, calls it monoxide in liquid form, and he barely even pays attention to him, since he is lost in his thoughts…pondering what it is that bothers him. He is not hungry, so that shall not be the problem. He is also not heartbroken, for his latest relationship ended thanks to him. Jeno is also not feeling particularly bad physically. He is healthy, and he is wearing the same uniform as always. Dark cap with the movie theater’s logo on it, a polo that matched it with the same logo and black jeans, along with sneakers. Nothing fancy, but not uncomfortable.

The problem is…that his Google Calendar app pops up out of nowhere, and maybe it is God talking, or destiny, or just Google being his savior time and time again—but it hits him like a piano falling on top of him, like how it happens in cartoons. He has a project to deliver, and he is supposed to be working with this one dude in his class. Ryo…Suke? Maybe, Jeno thinks his name is Ryosuke. All he knows about him is that he wears a very expensive Rolex watch to class and that he is the typical representation of an exchange student. Very rich, extremely cool, and with the most gorgeous car—

The project is worth fifty percent of his grade, and if that is not a red sign to skip the next few hours of work to get to do it then what would be? Nonetheless, Jeno really thinks about it. Ryosuke must be a responsible guy, and he is dating one of the most intelligent people on campus—this one nursery school dude that Jeno does not really know about. Besides, Jeno would actually lose his job if his boss ever did so much as visit the cinema only to find Jaemin alone.

So the only answer to this issue is texting Ryosuke and ask him how the project is doing and if he needs help, right?

The best thing that could happen would be Ryosuke telling Jeno that it is already finished.

An hour passes by, and as Jeno watches another set of people getting out of one of the auditoriums, he picks up his phone to find zero to no messages. He tries calling, but he always goes back to the voice-mail. His patience is wearing thin, and he really just wants to get out of there and make some half-assed project, but he can’t entirely do that for reasons that he already knows. He places his phone down on the counter, sighing deeply and listening to Jaemin say something about how he ‘needs to relax or he is going to get wrinkles early on in his life’, but there is not a single cell in Lee Jeno’s body that seems to mind. All he wants is some kind of response, and to pass that class that has been bothering him with vigorous will.

His phone vibrates, almost in cue, and Jeno thinks that he hears the sound of angels singing in the background when he sees that Ryosuke had replied. His eyes in the shape of half-moons meet the text, his smile dropping entirely when he sees the continuous question marks and then a small: “Uh…wrong number. I’m not Ryosuke. In fact, I’m not a dude haha.”

Jeno does not find it funny and maybe, he should have taken a second or two to think, breathe, understand what is going on—and that he could have made a mistake, over all. Either way, Jeno acts irrationally, typing down on his phone with his thumbs. “It’s not funny. Dude, we have a project due tomorrow and I have not done anything. I can’t do anything, either, because I’m working. Can you be serious and talk about this with me?”

The response comes almost soon after, and when he reads it…he feels the sudden need to throw his cap on the floor and stomp over it childishly. He is angered, fervently trying his hardest not to call Ryosuke and scream directly to his face. “First off, dude, lay off. I’m not that Ryosuke guy, and I think you should really not treat people like this. Good night.”

Jeno’s face softens, imagining who the person on the other end is. The other people is probably confused, just as angered as he is but for different reasons and it is entirely surprising how life has parallels right in front of our eyes and we never truly realize. In the background, he hears the sound of some rap song faintly playing in the distance as he continues the conversation with a complete stranger. “Wait, you’re for real?”

“I am.” This supposed woman replies and Jeno presses his palm to his forehead, with his cheeks tinted in a pretty shade of pink as he thinks of how ridiculous he had been with his spamming messages. Jaemin takes notice of that, taking off his hat and hitting Jeno with it directly on his head, making the man with the lighter hair look up at him with a scrunched up nose.

Before Jeno could speak against Jaemin’s actions, however, his coworker speaks up. “Why are you sulking? If you really need to get that project done, I can steal the boss’ laptop for like a second or two and we can just do some half-assed thing. It’s no big deal.” While Jaemin’s idea is incredible—and he might end up doing such thing so save his grade—he picks up his phone as a response, giving it to Jaemin without much context, only taking a few seconds to start talking about it.

“I thought I had gotten Ryosuke’s number right…and I texted him all these things.” His fingers keep scrolling down on the insane amount of messages he had sent before he got a response. “And finally, this person told me they were not a dude and that I got it wrong and I snapped, so…this ends up badly for me because I was a total dickhead to a complete stranger and I am too embarrassed to keep the conversation.”

Jaemin chuckles, his cheeks lifting up by the action before he starts typing something down on the conversation. “I have the perfect idea.”

“J-Jaemin! Hey, dude, give me my phone back! What are you doing?” Something deep within him tells him not to trust Jaemin, but it is too late. Once he gets his phone back, a text has already been sent and by Jaemin’s boisterous laugh, it must be ridiculous. Jeno squints his eyes, taking his phone in his hands with outer fear. “I swear, Jaemin, if you did something bad—I am leaving you dick-less, right here, right now.”

His coworker can only shrug his shoulders, pointing at his phone with his left hand. “Go ahead. Take a peak.”

Jeno unlocks his phone, welcomed by the sight of the text conversation that he had left abandoned. His eyes widen when he sees something corny, unlike himself, but so much like how Na Jaemin has been in the entirety of his life. “I am so sorry. I must have ruined your night, but thank you for being nice enough to tell me you weren’t my classmate. I hope you have an excellent night as well, dream of the sweetest things, like yourself.” With a deep groan, Jeno pushes Jaemin’s shoulder and the young man can only smirk. “What even is this?! I don’t know this girl—and she wasn’t even sweet to start with.”

“I am trying to get you a girlfriend.”

“Yeah right, like I will find a girlfriend because of an accidental text—”

“You never know!” Jaemin comments before putting on his cap. “Besides, you need something good in your life…because you’re totally failing that project. I can tell you that much.”

The blonde haired guy rubs his temples, letting out an exhausted sigh that mixed in well with Monday mornings where people have to wake up early. “Just tell the boss to lend me his laptop so I can get that project done.”

“That’s my responsible baby.” Jaemin coos to make his friend even more annoyed, running his fingers over his cheek before chuckling as he waltzes away from the counter.

Luckily for him, he finishes the project. And even more luck comes his way when he doesn’t get a response from that unknown girl.

📷

June is just not Jeno’s month.

April had been one of his good months, with nice grades and a good haircut and definitely not a few strands of his hair going dry thanks to his newest hair-color. January had been filled with parties and gathering around with family and friends, eating more than he should with snacks from all over the world—for the first time in a while, he felt like he could finally relax. But June, the damned twin of July, is just getting to his nerves. First, he almost fails that one project that had leaded him to texting a person that he doesn’t even know—and the night before that, Jaemin had decided to awkwardly text said girl—and Ryosuke got two more points than him from some kind of privilege that he does not really know about.

He can’t deny it, that June isn’t his month, when he is riding on his motorcycle—an old thing that can barely keep up with his rendezvous from the college’s campus to the movie theater and then back to his shared apartment, sometimes accompanying him to a party or two, and the pouring rain is falling on top of his helmet. Jeno’s blonde strands of hair stick to his face as he tries his best to go as carefully as possible, barely even moving in the middle of the night after a tiresome day full of tests, and a night filled with movies that he has already seen a hundred times.

The engine vibrates, then he hears some kind of rhythm that leads to his motorcycle coming to a halt. The man gasps, broken and surprised as he tries to turn it on once again, the blinking sign the reminder that he had forgotten to fuel his motorcycle, mocking him with its red color and its constant movement. He gets off the car, turning on the lights so, at least, at the very least someone can see him—a good twenty minutes away from his apartment.

“Okay…okay…it’s okay…” Jeno breathes to himself in a mumble as he takes his phone out of his backpack, using his jacket as a shelter for the screen as he looks through his seas of contacts to see whom he should call. Maybe, he should go for his oldest roommate—Dongyoung, always one to help him with everything that he ever wishes for. He tries to think of someone else, but when he comes up with nothing, he presses the green button under Dongyoung’s contact. His mother is also an option to consider, but the least he wants is a car ride filled with scolding that goes along the lines of ‘You’re already nineteen, Jeno! Shouldn’t you know that you need to fuel your motorcycle?!’

The phone rings twice and thankfully, Dongyoung picks up. “Jeno, dude, uh…sorry…is it anything important?  I’m in the middle of something—”

“Yes! Dongyoung, my motorcycle died on me because I forgot to fuel—”

“What?” Dongyoung mumbles before clearing his throat. “I’m in the middle of class. The professor asked us to come here at nine…and I don’t get out until eleven.”

The phone reads 10:14 and Jeno really wants to cry for a moment. “Oh…no, it’s okay. I will try to push it to the apartment.”

“Sorry.”

“No worries.” Jeno holds his jacket over his head as he speaks before hanging up the phone. A raged sigh leaves his lips until he places his phone back on his pocket, cringing at the feeling of the damp clothing over his body touching his skin and making him shiver. All he wanted was getting home and eating some of his favorite spicy chips…and now he is there, pushing his own motorcycle with huffing breaths. “Seriously?” He speaks to no one before pushing even harder. “Don’t you want to, like, throw a ray at me or something? To make this night even better?”

The muscles of his arms start to become sore with the pushing of his motorcycle, his deltoids taking all the weight before he hears a sound coming from far away. The streets are almost alone, only for that one car that passes by while loudly playing the sound of Sik-K’s song (probably Iffy with how many times the word is repeated). The car passes by quickly, only that it stops when the person behind the steering wheel sees the sight of Jeno pushing his motorcycle. The person hesitates, going back to park beside Jeno before they pull the windows down.

For a moment, Jeno is prepared to scream at the top of his lungs in case it is a robber, but he is welcomed by the sight of a woman that looked pretty, with a flannel on and the heater on that created a warm atmosphere, past her beautiful eyes and her candid smile that is not really there. Her lips are painted a cute shade of red, fading thanks to the drink she is having—something like a Latte, most likely. Jeno widens his eyes in surprise when he gets questioned: “Hey, what happened to your motorcycle?”

Jeno licks his lips and his cheeks burn, perhaps because he is totally going to get sick with the rain that is pouring down on him or because she is really pretty, and definitely trying to help him. “Forgot to fuel it.”

The woman hums, turning off the radio entirely before saying: “Stop there. Let me park correctly.” And Jeno barely has the time to register what she said before he follows her instructions, watching her park in front of his motorcycle before getting out of her car with a raincoat on. She opens the back door of her car, pulling something out before walking towards Jeno. “I have some fuel here. You know what to do, right?”

Somehow, he thinks he has seen a goddess and he can’t help but grin widely at the sight of the bottle in her hands. “Yes! Yes! Thank you!” Jeno takes the product from her hands before doing a half-bow, going over to his motorcycle to finally get out of that hell. “I…I normally fuel it…but I have been having such a stressful set of weeks that I actually don’t know what I am doing anymore.”

She chuckles at that, crossing her arms over her chest to look at the man in front of her, kneeled beside his motorcycle to complete his task. “I get you. We all have those days.” Then, her eyes trail over his figure, soaked from head to toe—even though he is wearing a black polo underneath paired with dark jeans, his jacket is dripping from water and his shoes squeak whenever he moves. Her heart aches, somehow, even when his factions are set on fueling his motorcycle. Half-moons as eyes, lips thin and a tall nose to match. “I think I also have an old raincoat somewhere in the backseat. It’s kind of…not that good, but it could work for you—”

Jeno looks at her with surprise in his eyes. “No! No, this is already enough. Please, don’t bother.”

“It’s a Hello Kitty raincoat. It’s totally not a bother.” The young man chuckles at her words when he gets a glimpse of her body leaning against her car to catch that Hello Kitty raincoat that she was talking about. “I think I have it since high school or something…I never got rid of it. Maybe, it was destined to be for you.”

“I…don’t think so.”

“What’s your name?”

“Jeno.”

“Yes. Definitely destined for you.” She chuckles before taking the raincoat in between her hands. “That’s the name of someone who would love this raincoat.”

“My mom picked it for me. I didn’t know it meant that.” Jeno jokes back and he hears the soft sound of her laughter, mixed with the rain that is starting to die down, like a flower in the middle of winter. He feels the fabric of the raincoat falling on top of his shoulder, folded for him to put on if he feels like it. “You’re too good for a stranger. I’m starting to think you’re going to kidnap me.”

She sighs. “No, absolutely not!” Though, her tone is sincere. When Jeno looks at her, finished with his task that will help him finally going back home, he realizes that her eyelashes are bathed in small drops of rain and that her mouth, although quirked in a tiny smile, almost goes unseen to the people that don’t look from near. He pushes his wet hair back with his hands, putting on the raincoat that stays snugly against his shoulders. “I am a huge believer of doing good and getting something good in return.” His fingers push against the broken skin beside his nails, appearing like ungodly beings to bother his days. Jeno ponders, then, if maybe he is the exception of the rule. He does well in life, and then again he is always welcomed by little surprises that are not particularly excellent.

“That’s a good way of thinking.”

“Hello Kitty stuff is definitely meant to go with you.”

“Huh? Thanks…that’s…that’s a first time. I’ve never heard that.” His hand rubs the back of his neck and then, with a gleeful smile that could be shown in history books as the reason why wars ended, he finishes the conversation. “Gotta head back home now. Thank you. Really. I can totally pay for what you just did—”

“It’s not necessary.” She replies, like a knight in a shining armor for him and he breathes out with a starry gaze. “I’ll just head back now. Please, get home safe.”

Jeno promises, silently and softly, that he will with a simple gaze and a nod. She hides her hands in her pockets after blowing on them, whispering awkwardly the delicate words that mean their departure. “Thank you. Have a good night!”

She laughs at the sight of the guy, cladded in a Hello Kitty raincoat, with a grin that will forever be engraved in her brain and she replies with a similar sentence. Jeno might not be the luckiest guy, he is very far away from being so, but blessed shall the beauty of people be when they still remain happy after terrible encounters, that have smiles that shine brighter than a million golden dust particles that join in a desert. Those people, absentmindedly, make days for other individuals way easier—even if they don’t realize it.

📷

“Jeno.”

“Yes?”

“Jeno.”

“I’m listening.”

“Je to the No.”

“Jaemin, I swear I’m paying attention—”

“Jeno—”

Life is testing Jeno’s patience, and he is starting to run low on a lot of things. Motivation…and that one thing that has to do with time and accepting just how annoying waiting really is, or comprehending people that are clearly a pain in the ass. Jeno’s back is hunched, watching a movie thanks to the half-opened door of the auditorium, and while he would love to concentrate on the thriller that he is watching, Jaemin is calling for his attention. A grin is on Jaemin’s face and when Jeno inspects him, he realizes that there is something different. No—Jaemin is still wearing the same uniform as always, cap and polo that matches Jeno’s, and no…Jaemin has not whitened his teeth or dyed his hair a different color (it is still the same bland brown as last year), but what is unlike him is that he is holding Jeno’s phone. And that doesn’t particularly make him mad, but what angers him is that Jaemin has unlocked his phone.

The man is smiling even brighter, shaking the device in front of Jeno’s face. “You finally got a text back from the mysterious girl that I’m trying to pair you up with.”

The girl whom Jaemin had texted four weeks ago; because Jeno is incapable of doing such an embarrassing thing without getting at least one thing in return: money or a shit load of money. The blond male squints his eyes, taking the phone from Jaemin’s hold to look at the text, but before he says: “How did you figure out my password? You’re totally a stalker, dude—”

“Jeno…using the year you were born as your password is a classic. I just figured it out.” Jeno chuckles at that, because it is better to face life with a smile than living it with a frown. His fingers hover over the screen before he pushes on the unknown number that he had texted accidentally, only that he had changed the contact’s name from ‘Ryosuke’ to ‘Not Ryosuke’. If that is not embarrassing, he does not know what is. He is met with the sight of a text, as if she had completely ignored what he had written beforehand, and that is probably what happened.

“How do you deal with a friend that makes you feel like you’re less but they are your only friend and you don’t know how to get away from them? Hah, sorry for asking, I just really need someone to talk to…and you’re a stranger…so…”

“What does it say?!” Jaemin tries to peek, and Jeno is surprised that Jaemin had not tried to at least get a glimpse of what the text said. Jeno’s heart is aching, however, because he has been lucky enough to have friends that love him, and that he loves back. He has never been in such a position, thankful of not feeling lonely most of the time, though there are some days when it can’t be helped. Jeno shushes him, turning around so his back is facing Jaemin and his phone in trapped between a corner and himself.

“That’s my problem.” He hears Jaemin whining somewhere behind him, but like always, Jaemin does not really care about a lot of things. His fingers continue to stand awaiting for his brain to come up with a response, and he reads the message again. Perhaps, it is something similar to having that one class you really study hard for…and yet everyone else is better than you. Jeno can relate to that, now. Then, he types down: “I think you should pull away from those type of people. I don’t know you, but I know you shouldn’t feel like you’re less than anyone. If a person makes you feel like that, they are not worth hanging out with.”

Perhaps, somewhere in that city, cladded in sheets on their bed while waiting for a response is a woman that needs a friend—a person that is watching a movie with a lost gaze in their eyes while her brain comes up with millions of insecurities and a bad comment to herself along the way. It happens to everyone, and if Jeno is able to help anyone go through that, he will. His assumptions are proven right, however, when he is introduced to a new text almost immediately. “But I won’t have anyone to talk to…and I don’t know, I don’t want to be lonely.”

Jeno frowns at that, typing without really thinking: “It’s better to be alone than to hang out with people that make you feel bad!” He writes that down before he realizes that he feels some kind of sympathy towards this woman, and he feels like he really needs to do something good to receive amazing things in life. For that, he follows the advice from the woman with the Hello Kitty raincoat, and he continues this conversation: “Besides, whenever you feel lonely, just text me! When you’re free, when you’re bored, whenever!”

The answer comes quickly: “Yeah? Then…what are you doing now?”

There are people made to be doctors. There are people made to be nurses. There are teachers that show the importance of concepts, and there are paychecks that complete the tasks of all these people. However, the importance of healing goes past a career, past medicines and shots, it comes from the power of words or visuals. Jeno has seen movies that have healed him, and he wants to be that for someone—even if it is only one person that considers him more than just another mindless person in the world.

He fulfills his promise of talking to her whenever he can, basking on long conversations about their favorite music styles, what bothers them and what doesn’t, what is their favorite season and others things. He learns that she enjoys summer because winter changes her mood entirely, and Jeno tells her about that one time he accidentally let his friend’s phone fall to the floor when it was tossed at him and he had his first fist fight (even though Donghyuck forgave him after he bought ice cream for the two). It is an ongoing conversation, without ‘goodbyes’ or ‘good night’s’. It is all about finding a friend in a stranger, and while people are used to meeting each other by views…either in life or physically, Jeno finds this way of meeting someone a little bit more interesting.

📷

He’s going to say it now: Jeno fucking hates—despises, really—projects. Much more when he has the luck of getting the most stupid of topics, or the worst of days to present it, or simply anything that goes against his will. This time around, a huge project was asked for one of his signatures and they had to be extremely creative—record a video that introduced a place as if it was a movie scene, showcasing edits, colors and filters. Basically, whatever they wanted. Some of his classmates got buildings, or parks, or aesthetic spots like coffee shops to make a romantic type of introduction in the video. Jeno almost felt like he was going to fail when he got told that he got a thrift store as his spot for recording.

He wanted to scream at the professor that it would have been better to assign him the dollar store. It would basically have the same amount of fabric to cut for him to record that video, and movie-style to say the least. However, Jeno sucked it up and wrote down the address to the thrift store his professor had told him about before promising himself that he was going to start on the project early so he could do some kind of magic to come up with something remotely acceptable. So, one day after he gets assigned such place, he picks up his camera and some equipment, placing them inside his backpack and driving as carefully as possible in his motorcycle—after all, he doesn’t want his camera equipment to go flying away from his motorcycle onto the road.

Once he gets to the thrift store, the first thing he sees is a row of clothes, from fluffy coats to long ones to leather jackets. There are old pictures from very old American bands hanging from the walls and he feels like the tacky beige color of the store is what bothers him the most, but he will have to really think about what he wants to do. His ears perk up when he hears a familiar song, the same chorus that he had heard when his motorcycle died on him, something along the lines of ‘iffy’ and his mind is immediately reminded of two people: the girl that helped him with his motorcycle and the girl behind the texts, who also adores Sik-K’s music.

He walks further into the store, rubbing his hands together, cladded in his sweater paws. He whistles softly, trying to catch the attention of the people working there, being met by the sight of a person that he has seen once in his life, but that he would recognize anywhere. She is no different, still with her pretty eyes looking thoughtful and lost in their own will, carrying a bag towards a taller and younger looking guy—his nametag says Jisung, and her nametag has him repeating her name inside his head to remember. The guy by the counter is the first one to notice him, and by the time he turns to look at the now-purple-haired Jeno, he lets the box fall to the floor with a bang.

“Jisung!” She hisses as she hits Jisung’s shoulder with the palm of her hand.

“Sorry, sorry!” He apologizes as he bends down to pick up what had fallen out of the box. She fixes her shirt, lifting her gaze to be met by Jeno—that same guy that she had helped in the road like two months ago. He comes closer, waving at her and by the look in her eyes, she must have thought something about his hair, for she takes a look at it. In his mind, Jeno thinks she has just realized he went from a bleached blonde to a soft lavender, but perhaps she is thinking about how he looks exactly like a bath bomb.

“You’re…wow…hi!” She introduces, leaning forward on the counter and smiling happily at the sight of Jeno. “You’re Jeno, the guy with the motorcycle.”

“I am. I would love to say the same thing with your name, but I don’t really know it.” Jeno adds and she shakes her head with a laugh, telling him her name slowly but he already knew it, given thanks to the nametag on her shirt. He sees the screen of the computer by the counter, a YouTube playlist showing a lot of hits from the rapper that seems to have a lot of fans. If two people he knows are huge fans of him, that is something big. “I take it you’re still not over that song?”

Embarrassment pokes at her cheeks and she sighs. “If I like something, I really like it. It’s rare for me to get over things.” She replies casually and Jeno nods his head, resting his hands on the counter to lean forward. Then, he feels someone’s gaze over his face and he realizes that the other worker is glancing at him.

“That’s good.” He adds with a smile, completely ignoring the guy that is unabashedly looking at him. “Uh…this might sound really awkward, but I have a project to complete. Basically, I have to take some good shots of this thrift store, movie style and I would ask for your permission to record here.”

“That’s fine with me. I don’t think there is a rule against that…” She answers and then, she rests her chin on the palm of her hand, elbow flushed against the surface of the counter. “What kind of project is it? Schoolwork?”

“I’m a film major.” What once Jeno had boosted on—his major and how good he is at it—is now his biggest insecurity. He doesn’t think he is good now, nor does he think he is getting better. He hates the fact that he has lost his confidence in something that made (Makes? Will make?) him happy. “And I really didn’t like the idea of recording in this kind of place, but I think I have an idea now.”

She shrugs her shoulders at that. “Consider me in. I’ll help you with anything you need.”

Jeno smiles at that. “Actually…I do need your help.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” Jeno finishes and then, he takes his camera equipment out of his backpack. He flutters his eyelashes against his cheeks when he smiles, half-moons welcoming her once again and Jeno is starting to feel a little bit heated up when he is around her. Pretty, definitely reminds him a lot of the girl he is texting. “I’m going to do a kind of look-book. I’m going to be my own model, but I need some styling assistance. I want a 90’s vibe, with warm colors and a lot of style references and hopefully you can help me get some nice shots, too.”

She widens her eyes, because it may be too much to ask for someone who should actually be working, but when Jeno thinks that she is going to decline his offer politely, she tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear as she rambles about an idea she had. “I saw these glasses that we have that are so like what you are describing. I think we can put some outfits together and all that stuff.”

“That’s it! You see my vision!” Jeno lifts his hand up in the air and she gives him a high five, the two exchanging smiles in an enchanting way. She pulls away from him, talking about what she is envisioning inside her brain and Jeno listens to her excitement. “You have to turn me into Sik-K.”

She looks over her shoulder, chuckling before shaking her head. “You want me to turn you into my dream guy?”

Jeno gasps at that, placing his hand over his chest in faux offensiveness. “Listen—on a scale of one to ten, that rapper is a nine point seven and I am a nine point eight.”

Her laughter is soft before she bites down on her bottom lip, gently. “I don’t need to turn you into him. I think you’re fine as you are.”

His heart flutters at the compliment, strangely enough.

What starts with one outfit turns into two and three. Luckily for him, they find a good corner of the big thrift store to come up with something good and along the way, she captures a lot of what Jeno wanted in this recording of his. Ripped jeans, flannels, caps, glasses, some band shirts and then onto brighter colors. At some point, along the third outfit, Jeno feels shy—not because he is looking bad, quite the contrary, he looks so good and so done up that he almost feels like he is not himself. She had picked a beige suit that had been there for quite a few years, paired with a black t-shirt underneath, tucked inside the high-waisted beige pants that made his legs look longer. Somehow, the lavender shade of his hair looked good with the colors and for that one shot, he was thinking of going outside. Maybe, a view from underneath that showed more of the sky and less of blank walls and the dim lightning of the thrift store. Something that would make the colors of the suit really stand out.

Once he comes out of the fitting room, he immediately seeks for her approval. Her eyes go up and down his body, a smile appearing on her face at the mere sight of him. Jeno, like a dream that just came out of the nineties, is the type of person that anyone would fall for. “Oh…I made a good choice.” That boosts Jeno’s ego, his hands fidgety at being the center of attention, but he doesn’t show it all that much. “So, what’s your plan?”

“A sky shot…but I brought my tripod. You can go back to work.”

Before Jeno could take the camera away from her hands, however, she shakes her head and that leads her to bring the camera closer to her chest. “Jisung’s got it…besides, it’s too early for people to drop by here and actually take my attention, so let me help you with this!”

Jeno squints his eyes, resting his hands inside the not-so-deep pockets of the suit he is wearing as he walks alongside her. “You’re really a whole angel, with a halo and all that stuff.” He compliments and the sight of her grin is enough to make him continue. He stares ahead, nonetheless, not wanting to look like she has him interested. “I might have to pay you with something. You like movies?”

“I mean…who doesn’t?”

“Exactly.” Jeno says and then, he nudges her side with his elbow. “I’ll give you a ticket to any movie you want once. This offer is only available for a month, though.”

She gasps at his offer, holding the camera up to his face once they are outside. Jeno says something about her kneeling down and as he thinks of his pose, she speaks. “No way!”

“Yes, of course! I work at a cinema, it’s what I can do.” Jeno adds and before she could say anything else—something along the lines of not wanting to accept—he interrupts her. “I want a shot of me kind of covering my face and looking down, you know.” Jeno grabs the jacket that he had brought with himself initially, that she had over her shoulder for some reason, and he talks to her. “Lift your knees up. I don’t want you getting aches.” He says and she does as he ordered, watching as he placed the somewhat fluffy jacket under her weight. “Kay.” He mumbles before he smiles. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I won’t.”

Anyone could notice that Jeno is comfortable with himself, although his confidence has been vanishing a bit. His eyes are covered from the sun with a hand that splays softly across his face elegantly, moving to his side so the length of his legs can be seen. She moves around a bit, enough to get nice shots of him—not that his angles were bad, in any way—and the last thing Jeno does is smile happily, perhaps because he has finished his project with enough footage to do something, or because it is rare to get help. The acts of kindness he has seen during this year are almost nonexistent,

Sometimes, all we need is someone to remind us that society is not as rotten as it seems to be. That the sun hides, like any of us do, but some time in its life it will come up to remind everyone just how important it is. Jeno thinks that helping someone twice without expecting anything in return is almost impossible, but he can only hope that a handful of good things happen to the woman that seems more like an angel to him. When he is stepping out of the thrift store, changed and holding a bag that kept the suit he had worn—thanks to her, because she says that suit was meant to be worn by him—, he takes his phone out of his pocket before asking:

“Can I have your number? We can talk about that movie thing I offered earlier.”

She nods her head, bashful and tingling with excitement as she dictates her phone number. Jeno writes it down, until he sees there is already one person saved under that name…

Not Ryosuke.

That girl.

“Holy fuck!” Jeno laughs at the own twists and twirls of life, like a ballerina that forgot her steps. She looks at him as if he is crazy, and maybe he is, because in the matter of seconds he is showing her the screen and her expression suddenly turns into one of realization. “I didn’t know we already knew each other. I promise this wasn’t planned.”

“Well…that’s unexpected.” She whispers before rubbing her temples with her fingers. “No wonder you reminded me so much of him.”

“Exactly.” Jeno smiles and then, he changes the contact’s name and licks his lips soon after. “I still keep my promises, though. We’re going to watch any movie you want.”

“Yes—!”

“Hey, there is another box of underwear here and I’m too scared to look. What if it’s dirty?!” Jisung asks in a loud tone from somewhere in the store and she curses under her breath, saying her goodbyes and waving at him before going over to the young man.

Jeno should have known that there will never be two of her.

📷

“Guess what I found.”

“I don’t know.”

“My old Nintendo DS. And I have Nintendogs on it.”

“Ooh, this is going to be a wild night.”

Sometimes, life surprises Jeno. Any of us, really. Think of the amount of times you have gotten bad news on a good day, or vice versa, and you’ll be surprised by the fact that there is no amount of sixth senses that can help you with knowing the future. That is scary, on one end, to not know if you’re going to be happy for the entirety of your life or if there is an abyss of emotions waiting for you. In this occasion, he is not bothered by said facts, because he is with her. The woman whom he had taken to the cinema for free, and he had asked Jaemin to cover him as he watched a movie for the nth time. They talked a lot, getting a few glances from the people who were actually trying to watch the movie, but Jeno works there. What are they going to do? Call the manager on him?

Luckily, they didn’t call the manager.

And now he is there, third date if you may call it—if buying her a bagel when she gets out of work counts as a date—. He thinks it was, simply because he had walked her home after that. Right now, they are seated across one of the prettiest parks in Seoul, a red and white fabric underneath them as a simplistic way of indicating they are on a picnic date, but the food is already gone and he actually wanted to play some games with her. Nintendogs sounded like a good idea. It included animals and definitely not a lot of effort.

They say meeting your soulmate consists of finding someone exactly like you, but be damned the person that created such concept. Sometimes, you just need someone that connects with you—that is the complete opposite of you and yet, they are willing to spend time with one another. Jeno pulls the hood of his shirt up his hair, considering if he should dye it back to black after he heard her say she likes that color on him—thanks to some pictures she had seen—but for now, lavender will do. She gets closer to him, watching the screen as it displays the entrance logo and then, the sight of a poodle welcomes them, along with her laughter. “Oh no, you did not!”

“Did not what?” Jeno asks and then his eyes go to the dog’s name, chuckling along with her at the sight of his poor attempt at an English name. Ducky. “I didn’t know Ducky was like…duck, you know. I thought it was cute.”

“That’s the blandest, most random name for a dog.” She plays around with the screen a little bit, trying to feed the dog only to be welcomed by the zeroes on his account. “And we’re basically at the verge of being poor?! Jeno! We need to find cheats for this game so we can feed the dog!”

“We are going to take him to a running championship and get some cash. Relax.” Jeno looks at her, their faces far too close for two people who have not even gotten remotely close to kissing. Not that Jeno does not want to, but he had kind of forgotten how to take that step. He doesn’t want to seem like an absolute creep, but he would be lying if he said that he does not enjoy the sight of her glossy lips coated in lip-gloss only recently. “Just trust me?” He whispers, his eyes shining like the stars that she has gotten tired of seeing, but they seem brand new on his orbits. She seems to try to find somewhere to look at, like his eyes or his lips or everything, because everything about him deserves to be looked at.

“I trust you.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“And how can I show you that I really trust you?”

Jeno raises his eyebrows momentarily, trying to find the words in him to tell her something, anything, maybe there are no words that could compare to what a kiss would mean. Jeno is a coward, however, bumping his shoulder with hers and saying a simple: “I know you already trust me, silly.”

And anyone could tell, from meters or miles away, that the pair liked one another. Not like how the sun likes the moon, those type of analogues are starting to die down, but like two people who simply knew the biggest meaning behind feeling something. It was meant to be there, to be lived, to be felt, to be embraced because no matter how much sadness or despair, happiness or anger is felt, it should be given time to stay there and coexist with you.

He saves it for later, because it is always more of a comforting blanket to imagine that things will get easier along the way. Someday, he is going to kiss her and he is going to do it right. For now, however, he will keep that action on the low.

📷

He has never told her that he loves the way she looks at him.

It has been five dates, and Jeno is still looking for that perfect moment to finally kiss her, but it is a thought that passes through his brain when they are roaming around a convenience store to get some snacks for their videogame night. Jeno holds the door open for her, and she looks over her shoulder just to thank him in a soft tone, but he is more than glad that someone like her likes him the moment he finally realizes just how she glances at him. There is something in her eyes, as if she sees Jeno as someone that is worth more than a million things. To her, he is a human being that shines his light—not only because of his successes, but for his failures, too. Jeno is strong, in one way or another, not only when he holds her but when he continues for his dreams, even when he feels like giving up.

The air conditioner is quite too cold at the convenience store, and they are taking their precious time to pick their snacks or the drinks they are going to have. She complains under her breath that her t-shirt is too thin to keep her warm, and that is Jeno’s cue to wrap his arms around her waist, bringing his chest closer to her back and his lips to press down on her shoulder. There is also not a single soul near them at the convenience store, only the workers that don’t seem to be paying that much attention to anything but the soccer game that is displayed in one of the TV’s. “Jeno,” She whines, although she leans back a bit as she looks through the packages of ramen she was just looking at. “What do you want? Pork flavored…chicken…seafood?”

“I’m feeling chicken tonight.” Jeno whispers and she giggles when his lips move against her neck.

“You’re tickling me.”

“Cute.”

“Stop it, Jeno. People are going to look at us weirdly.”

“You were cold!”

“And?”

“We need to survive.”

“I’m not going to die from the cold.”

Jeno groans as he pulls away from her, taking a cart from nearby to put three packages of ramen inside the cart, moving forward as they remain in silence for a few seconds, pondering on what they should buy next. “I’m going to take revenge. I’m so going to beat your bum on Just Dance.”

She fakes a shivering motion, as if it is going up her spine. “I am shaking. Look at me.” She replies and Jeno juts out his bottom lip in a pout. She chuckles at the sight, immediately turning to look at him and properly give him all her attention. Sometimes, he wonders if this is the best he will ever feel with someone, because he has had a number of girlfriends…and none of them had made him feel like this. There aren’t butterflies roaming around his stomach, neither a zoo—it feels peaceful, like she is meant to be there and he is meant to accompany her, and they were meant to meet. Through text, or through his motorcycle running out of fuel. “I’m kidding.” She cutely adds before pinching his cheeks, moving his face from one side to the other before sighing. “Let’s keep shopping.”

The best part of the night that is only starting comes when they get out of the convenience store, walking over to Jeno’s motorcycle as they speak about their encounters with videogames. When he gets on his spot, he feels her sitting down behind him, something that she has done a few times already, but the moment she wraps her arms around his waist, bag filled with snacks sounding with the quick breeze, Jeno turns around, placing one hand over hers to ask:

“Are you set in place? I don’t want you falling off the motorcycle or something.” He turns on the motorcycle as he says those words, and she smiles before nodding her head. Jeno, either way, asks once again. “Are you sure? I’m being mad serious.”

Before he knows it, he feels the soft texture of her lips pressing against his in a quick kiss, as if she just needs to remind him that he is the most caring person she has ever met in this world, and there is nothing else she would rather be doing at that moment. Jeno continues the kiss, only pulling away when she does so to open his eyes softly to look at her. She pats his bicep, as if nothing had happened, but then she rests her cheek against his back. “I’ll be fine. Let’s just go.”

“I don’t think I want to go now.” He says, still starting the motorcycle and driving it towards his shared apartment.

“Why?”

“Because you had more balls than me to kiss me and that’s…that’s the most attractive shit ever, oh my God.”

And the sound of her laughter is enough to ease him up.

📷

Jeno has always loved comedy movies, and while he should really get tired of watching hours and hours of footage of both good and bad movies, he never does. For some reason, Jeno thinks that every movie is worth a watch, but when he is feeling down, he likes to have a good laugh when his face is illuminated by the colors of the television screen, wrapped snugly in a blanket, only staring ahead even when his eyes are technically burning from his long hours of movie-watching. Any other day, he would have been accompanied by Dongyoung’s grumbling about how he cannot watch movies in such a high volume, but right now he hears the sound of his door opening, then some heels clicking and finally, the sound of his keys being tossed to his side.

The light turns on, and he is welcomed by the sight of his girlfriend, who takes in his surroundings. Bags of snacks that are left empty, his hair a mess under his blankets, his thin lips plumper thanks to the spicy chicken he had and finally, just finally, she lets out a smile that greets him with a new beginning, telling him that he will be alright, even when life tries to tell him it won’t. “Try to brush your hair at least, okay?” She asks, walking forward to pull the blanket off Jeno and run her fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes, now realizing just how tired he is. Of finally coming to the realization that he has failed that class that he has been fighting so hard to pass, of living his life with his creativity tied to the words in a book, of the insomniac nights and the footage he deletes. He rests his face against her stomach, wrapping his arms around her legs and closing his eyes tightly.

“I was just too lazy to do anything.” Jeno whispers against her stomach, tickling her with the movement of his lips before he rests his chin against the skin, looking up with tired eyes. “I thought you were going to study for a test.”

“I studied earlier because I knew you’d be down.” The answer makes his heart grow in size and he bites his bottom lip, trying his hardest to give her one of those bright smiles that he tends to give away like it is Christmas time, but he fails entirely. Is it his fault that he has only liked two genres in his life: action and comedy, and that he is living through the worst drama that he has ever seen? Maybe, but that is just how life is. She takes a seat beside him, turning off the device in front of them before scoffing. “Baby, I am so proud of you…and you should be proud, too. Sure, you failed that class…but you tried your hardest, and learned a lot, and improved.” He looks at her, finally coming to the realization that he might like a new genre of movies now. Romance, even when he surely gags at how stupid most romance movies are, but theirs…the one they have made…seems to be bound to have a good ending. “That is what is important. Just take that same class with another professor next time and you’ll be fine.”

“Yes. I’ll be fine. Thank you.” Jeno whispers and then, he smacks her thigh lightly, although the sound goes around the living room. “Let me brush my teeth and then we can take a nap, okay?”

“I’d love that.”

When he stands up to go to the bathroom, he takes one last glance at his girlfriend, looking through his selection of movies with a peaceful look on her face and he smiles.

Life is not like a movie, but some things are way better.

[cloudyyoonji]

Unraveling.

Lee Felix x Reader.

REQUESTED BY ANON

Summary: You can always count on the boys who have made JYP Entertainment home for you.

Genre: lil angst, fluff! Super fluffy ending!

Warnings: mentions of minor bullying.

____________

Nodding along to a beat that is playing through your headphones, you rapidly tap along to the beat you’ve created, anticipating its every sound.

This was your favorite part of your job as a producer; getting to listen to your songs when it’s all completed. You almost loved it as much as when people got to finally listen to your tracks.

You’re lucky. Extremely lucky.

You hadn’t planned on being producer, more so a trainee who was keen on debuting with a group. But when your career choice had failed, somehow, you were granted a producing job; first shadowing other producers, but within a year, producing your own tracks for use.

You’d worked with some amazing artists, but you’d been completely grateful for the one group of boys you work with the most.

“Right outside the practice room Love.”

You briefly look down at your phone, the light bight in the dark room, and almost instantly a smile ignites your features.

Oh how this boy made you feel really mushy inside, even after a few years of being together.

Wrapping up your hard drive already, you’re quick to shove everything into your bag, ignoring the light that steams under the door. The light you swore wasn’t there 5 minutes ago. Or maybe that was 5 hours ago...

The beat itself had woken you at all hours of the morning exactly 2 days prior, it’s rapid thumping sticking in your brain for all the days to come.

But now it was here, in your headphones, playing through your ears; a picture perfect imagine of what you’d imagined all those nights ago.

Blinking away the brightness of the day, you’re quick to press shuffle on a playlist, a change in music filling your senses as you lock the door behind you, now a little more awake and alert for the rest of the day.

Gathered outside the training room, you can see that the group are still slightly sweating as they discuss choreography.

“Y/N!”

It’s Seungmin that sees you first, his loud exclamation making not just the rest of the band but a few trainees turn around too.

You can’t help but cringe in embarrassment, taking your earphones out.

“You look exhausted.” Chan comments as you near them, a kaleidoscope of noise now surrounding you now that your headphones are out.

“I’ve been working, on two new songs actually.” You tell him, hands rubbing together in unconscious excitement.

“For us?”

You nod your head at an eager Changbin.

“You guys and some trainees. They wanted a demo for a dancing classes.”

“Let’s get you some coffee. You’re banned from working until you actually have something to sustain you.”

You look up at your boyfriend, whose taking your laptop from your hands, his serious facial expression almost overshadowing the way his freckles only make him look more adorable.

Mocking a salute, you turn to follow the already walking boys, a laugh slipping from your lips. He catches up with you in only a few strides, hand taking yours whilst your computer is cradled safely in his other arm.

You’re quick to order a coffee first whilst the group go find seats, holding the table with a coffee in hand as they get their own food.

You pick up on stares as soon as soon as they start, your gaze going to a group of trainees who seem to be particularly interested in you, looking as their gaze flick from talking, to you.

You watch them over your cup, subtly trying to make out just some of what they’re saying.

The two males seem to be equally invested in watching you, their gazes scanning you as they estrange words in whispers with each other.

You roll your eyes.

You often got these type of looks because you were dating Felix, but perhaps they’d even heard of your trainee failure, that too was often a fuel to the malicious looks.

As Felix climbs into the seat next to you, Minho on your other side, you rip your gaze from the two trainees, a smile greeting the 8 as you take another sip of your coffee, the two trainees long gone from your mind as you listen to them discuss the new choreography.

You begin to think that you must’ve done something in your past life, because these damned boys seem to follow you everywhere.

This same day you’d seen them in a glance across the cafe, they were now right behind you as you walked to the dance rooms, and then again as you made your way to the dorms to fetch your laptop. Now again they were right here, outside your recording studio, backs leaned against the wall as they stood, smug and impressed as they watched you come through the hallway.

“Sorry guys, can I just get in?” You ask, pulling out one of your earphones as you hold up the keys in your hand.

The two don’t budge, rather opting to stay in their slightly intimidating poses, looking down at you with that same evil smirk.

“Why don’t you make us, pretty?”

You look up at the dark haired one, catching sight of his name tag. Sungwoo.

Ah, so that was this boys name.

“Sorry?” You say, looking up at the boy with a unimpressed look.

What did this boy think he was doing?

“You heard us. Why don’t you make us move?” Jungmun, the sandy coloured hair boy, tells you, eyebrow raised in an arch.

“Y/N!”

The sound of your name makes you spin around, sighing in relief when you meet the gaze of the choreographer you’re working with.

The two students have dissipated in a simple syllable when you turn back around.

Thank god.

You quickly invite her in, sitting down and opening the song as you continue on with your original agenda set for the day, the two boys now far from your mind as the beat you’ve made fills the room through the speakers.

But it’s like you can’t shake the bad luck that follows from these trainee boys, similar incidents follow over the next few weeks in the form of rude phrases and even one incident where they trapped you outside your studio in the middle of the night.

Now you’re scared, too scared to even work alone.

You know that telling Felix and the other boys this would be a simple fix, a security blanket around your shoulders. But, they were already all so protective of you after your trainee career had flopped, helping you get the producer job you would’ve absolutely died for. They’d done so much for you, you couldn’t ask them to do more.

So, you now decided that leaving the dorms would be too much of a risk, especially after that night.

You now creep out of your room in the middle of the night to take over the small desk in the corner of the living area, staying up to sunrise so you could make up for lost time you could’ve been working on songs.

The days are blurring past now, you basically a walking corpse running on so much coffee it’s almost ridiculous at this point. You’re exhausted, but slowly things are getting done, just not in the most ideal way.

Sitting in the cafe again, you can’t help but zone out, almost zombie-like as you drink up your coffee, waiting for the 8 to get their food.

Somewhat unconsciously you’re gaze trickles towards where the two trainees would normally sit, but they’re seats are empty.

Where are they? Where have they gone?

Your heart rate picks up as your eyes flick through the seats, trying to get a glimpse of the two in a desperate need for some relief.

Cmon, where are you two? What are you planning?

A touch on your shoulder sends your body flinching backwards, almost losing balance on your seat as you look up wide eyed at Felix.

Felix. Just Felix.

“Hey!” The boy says, hand on your shoulder as he bends to your height. “It’s just me, Love.”

You try to play off your wide eyes with a smile and a laugh.

“Yeah! No it’s okay! You just scared me!”

He gives you a little laugh, taking his seat and beginning to eat, hand on yours for a second longer then it normally would be, his lingering touch perhaps a way of saying “it’s okay.”

Whether he knew it or not; it was calming.

When his hand does leave yours, you zone out again, the bitter taste in your mouth most certainly not the coffee.

“Don’t you agree Y/N?”

You hear Lee Minho’s voice loud and clear, but you can’t quite register what it is the boy says.

But when he touches your arm from across the table, you body reacts first, pulling back in record speed as a flinch ripples through your body, a silent scream building in your throat, burning as you swallow it away.

Your heart feels like it’s almost about to burst from your chest, the thump so heavy you’re sure everyone can hear it too.

It takes you a full moment to completely register just where you are; at the table with the people you could trust.

You pull at your sleeves, trying to cover your own skin from the sudden chill that takes the room, that makes goosebumps form all over your body as it sleeps through the woven fabric of your hoodie.

“Hey, you okay? You look really exhausted.”

“Yeah yeah,” you brush off Changbins question like a chip off your shoulder, trying to mask your labored breaths with a quick smile.

“I’m fine.”

“You dont look fine Y/N, you look tired, exhausted actually.” Chan chimes in, Felix nodding beside you as they both peer at you in concern.

“How long has it been since you’ve had something other then coffee? Or slept for that matter?”

You stand up in an instant at Felix’s question, shaking your head at the concerned group.

“You are too worried guys. I’m fine,” You tell them all, eyes wandering to each member, smiling for reassurance.

“I’m seriously fine! Don’t stress, you’ve all got a comeback to stress about!”

And with that you’re walking back to your studio, laptop bag in hand.

Sighing at your quite suspicious response, your breath catches in your throat mid way through, eyes wide as you see them, leaning against the wall as if they’ve got something to hold above you, still smug as anything.

“Please move.” You monotone, eyes half glazed as you stare up at the boys, done with all the shit they’ve pulled.

“No can do sweetheart.”

You want to roll your eyes at the sandy haired boy, but hold back.

“One kiss and we’re gone, love. You know the deal.”

You roll your eyes, frustrated.

“Guys cmon, you’re trainees. Please, listen to your senior and move from the doorway. This is getting ridiculous.”

They seem to snigger at your attempt of trying to hold some authority above them, Sungwoo opening his mouth as Jungmun laughs.

“Why don’t you make us, pretty. Does JYP-nim still not have your back? Even after your attempts? You’ve still failed huh?”

Your fierce glare is no match for shout that echos through the halls.

“What did you just say to my girlfriend?”

Felix is behind you in an instant, his arm around going around your waist. You look up at the at the boy, who’s glaring over at the two trainees, in surprise, eyes wide as you see the anger in his glare.

They turn to scramble at just his fierce glare.

“Felix... Chan... Jisung...” Jungmun breathes, the names causing you to turn around in Felix’s grip, seeing the two boys behind you slowly materialize into 7 as they all round the corner.

“I never want to see your faces again. I suggest you leave before we change our minds on letting you go lightly.”

They scramble off, white in the face at Felix’s words. He turns to you, hands on your arms, any harshness replaced by a soft gaze as he looks down at you.

“Did they hurt you at all?”

You shake your head in reply.

“Have they done this before to you?”

Now your gaze falters to Chan, whose eyebrows are raised at you.

Shyly, you nod, eyes lowering to the ground, not wanting to see his reaction.

“Hey,” your boyfriend’s voice is even softer, fingers under your chin to push you to face him. “Why didn’t you say anything? We could’ve helped.”

“I know,” you reply, a sigh escaping from your lips, “But you’ve already done so much for me that I thought I could just ride this one out. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Yah, Y/N, we’re always going to be here for you, no matter the issue at hand.”

You nod, avoiding eye contact with Jisung. “Thankyou.”

The words barely leave your lips before Felix embraces you, pulling you towards the studio you’d been trying to get into.

“Let’s hear that song you’ve been working on for us!”

With a sincere laugh, you watch as all they cram into a studio only built for 5, setting up your speakers with one quick press of a button as your finger hovers over the play button for the song you’d spent so long on.

It thumps through the speakers, loud, and absolutely thrilling as your eyes slide over all the members for their reactions.

“This is so good!” Jeongin yells over the music, giving you a wide smile and a thumbs up.

“Yeah, those jerks really don’t know how talented you are, seriously.” Minho yells, a few members nodding in agreement with him.

Felix takes your hand, his wide smile almost reassuring. You take a deep breath, feeling as if the weight has finally been lifted from your shoulders.

Whether its in light of the situation, or the fact your favorite part of your job is happening right here, you feel that you finally know that as long as you have these boys, you’re safe no matter what.

[noradarhkpalmer]

go elf yourself

Title: go elf yourself

Rating: PG

Pairing: Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer aka Darhkatom

Warnings: None

Summary/Notes: Nora Darhk pulls out her elf costume every year to get her through the holidays, this Christmas though, she meets a special person who could help change her life for the better. (Modern AU)

Day one of the 2019 edition of 25 days of Darhkatom! Feel free to click the through the tag to see last year’s! Basically, like last year, I will be posting all loosely related (unless stated otherwise) fics for 25 days straight!

ao3 link: here

Nora was starting to feel like her ‘starving artist’ motif was getting old. This realization would’ve been much to her parents chagrin, god rest their souls. She’d done a lot of odd jobs to pick up extra cash: dog walker, Swyft driver, and now that the Christmas season was upon them: she was pulling out that damn elf costume. Sure she’d broken it in enough that it was no longer itchy and she loved seeing the kids light up at meeting Santa, yeah, but she didn’t like when the parents would force their kids for a dumb picture they wouldn’t remember, and pay, honestly in her opinion, far too much for one stupid picture.

But it would pay her bills until the new year, combined with watching her friends John and Gary’s cat, Cleo, while they honeymooned in the Swiss Alps, and that’s all that mattered.

Nora shuffled into the mall and listened to her boss debrief yeah yeah yeah there’d be two Santas this year because of pay cuts it was cheaper to pay two at less hours than one for all. Nora stopped listening and re-familiarized herself with the camera, she wished she had enough money to spare for even a basic model of one of those, her hands itching to get back into photography full time.

Finally after redundant training, the workshop was open. Kids and parents lined up to see Santa, an older gentleman who’d done the job for years. She went through the motions for a full two hours until she heard her name.

“NORA! You’re back again this year!”

Nora smiled cordially at her friend Mona who did this job every winter she had. “I am!”

“I’m so excited!” Mona bounced up and down, the jingle bells on her outfit bouncing with her.

“Could you go excitedly redirect the line?”

Mona nodded and sets off getting the line in order.

There’s a full week of this routine before Nora’s life completely changed.

“UNCLE RAY!!! Cmon!!! Santa’s gonna leave before we get to the front!” Nora heard a boy’s voice whine. She looked up to see through the crowd, a boy no older than six tugging on the arm of a man she couldn’t see.

“Yeah uncle Ray! Mom and dad always get here waaaaayyyy earlier!” Another whined.

Nora rolled her eyes and got back to work, at least when the boys get to the front they won’t be pitching a fit about seeing Santa.

It’s about a half hour later when she spotted them and looked up at the face of their Uncle Ray.

And holy mother of baby Jesus, this Uncle Ray is what she’d like to unwrap come Christmas morning.

“Can they get pictures individually and together? Their parents usually do that.”

Nora nodded, vaguely recognizing the boys from years past. “Sure thing.”

The boys scurried up to Santa as Mona animatedly explained the packages to Uncle Ray. Nora instructed the boys accordingly to get individual and then a shot with the two of them.

“This job seems like fun.” Ray said, and Nora realizes, to her.

“Umm yeah I guess! Lines can get a little nuts but Mona is super helpful.”

“Are you always behind the camera.”

“Most of the shift but sometimes Mona is.”

“So they allow you to take breaks? Have lunch?”

“Yeah what do you think we aren’t allowed to sit down our whole shift?”

“No…”

“This job is a lot harder when the pictures don’t sync, when the camera malfunctions, I have to exhaust all options before calling IT or else I’m in hot water. This is a complex job. It’s hard wrangling kids, making them look at the camera, and parents aren’t always nice and neither are the kids.”

“Lady I’m sorry I didn’t…”

“You didn’t think yeah, please take your nephews if you’re not gonna get a package and go elf yourself alright?”

Ray tried to hide a laugh.

“What?” Nora asked with the threat level of an angry bunny.

“An elf is telling me to go elf myself. It’s just funny.”

“Funny?”

Ray can’t stop laughing and Nora realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. She’s burned out from snapping pictures and asks Mona to switch out so she can go on a break. She shuffled with her tinsel between her legs over to Ray once the boys have their photos.

“I’m sorry I snapped.”

“It’s okay. Even elves have their limits.”

Nora glared.

“Sorry last elf joke!”

“Did your nephews enjoy themselves?”

The boys flanking Ray nodded. “Yeah especially when you yelled at Uncle Ray it was really funny!”

Nora’s cheeks flushed red. “Oh umm well.”

“Do it again!”

Nora shook her head. “Sorry boys I try to not lose my temper.”

“Awwwww.” They whined.

“Do elves take hot cocoa breaks?”

Nora looked up at him and Ray retracts.

“Okay that was the last one, sorry it was my lame attempt at asking you out.”

The boys next to them gasped and cover their mouth in scandal and Nora smiled. “As long as you don’t mind that I put caramel drizzle on top.”

“Not at all.”

xxxx

It’s a few days later that Nora finally works a shift with the new Santa. She eyed him, he’s clearly wearing a fake beard, so he’s not old enough to sport the natural face hair of a Santa. She nudged Mona.

“What’s this Santa’s deal?”

“Oh he’s super nice! I haven’t talked to him much but he’s really nice.”

“Why did they hire a young Santa?”

“Most of the kids can’t tell and the ones that do we tell Santa shaved his beard but didn’t want to scare the kiddos.”

Nora eyed her in suspicion. When there’s a break in the day she shuffled over to Santa. She checked her phone, noting no text from Ray. After she’d formally introduced herself over cocoa with him and his nephews, they had exchanged numbers. They’d been texting non stop but today? Silence.

Nora sighed and Santa patted the space next to him. She slumped down.

“Ho ho ho, my elf, what’s got you so blue this Christmas? Is it something a wish to Santa can fix?”

Nora smiled and stared down at her lap. “I don’t know if you can fix this one, Santa, I’m just missing someone which is silly because I haven’t known them for very long.”

“A person can mean everything to you in a matter of days. And that’s quite alright.”

“I think he’s some big tech higher up, I’m just a loser artist, I don’t have a shot in…” she looked around at the passing children, “heck.”

Santa belly laughs again and pats her leg. “I think I can work some of my Santa magic for you, my dear, just you wait.”

She only had to wait a few more hours, after the mall closed. She cashed out the drawers when she heard someone behind her.

“We just closed for the night Santa will be back tomorrow.”

“I’m actually looking for the cutest elf in Santa’s workshop.”

Nora smiled wide, hearing Ray’s voice, she turned around and her breath left her. There he stood, half dressed in a Santa suit, holding his hat and beard in his hand. “You’re the other Santa? Why? Aren’t you like stupid rich?”

“I’m doing this for free so the other Santa who is getting up there in age, can have days off so it’s better on his joints. He gets all my pay though.”

Nora gasped. “Ray… so wait that means you heard…”

“You talking about missing me? Sorry I ran late this morning and well I was doing this all day.”

Nora nodded. “Right yeah… gosh I feel like such an idiot.”

“Don’t.” Ray takes her hand. “Don’t feel like an idiot because I’ve been missing you.”

“Well I’ve been right here all day.”

“But I haven’t been able to do this.” Ray cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her softly.

Nora smiled after the kiss breaks. “Is Santa allowed to kiss one of his elves?”

Ray rolled his eyes playfully. “I can stop.”

“Don’t you dare.” Nora poked him in the chest.

“I’m gonna make this the best Christmas you’ve ever had.”

“So does that mean you’re like one-up yourself every Christmas?”

Ray playfully dipped her. “You bet your ass I will.”

Two Years Later

“Did you set the timer?”

“Of course I did what kind of photographer do you think I am?” Nora rushed back over to her family and pulled Tori into her lap so she’s sitting between her and Ray. The baby clapped happily as Nora gently bounced her, counting down until the very last second and stopping so they get a good picture. Nora went to the camera and played back the pictures, they finally got a good one! Nora waved Ray over with Tori in his arms and smiles.

“Looks great, babe.” Ray kissed the top of her head. Nora took their one year old in her arms and kissed Ray properly.

“Thanks, think it’s good enough to use for the website?”

“Absolutely. Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

“Mmmm not today.”

“Well I’m so incredibly proud of you. You’ve come so far.”

“And managed to grow two humans while running a photography business!”

“Nora, we only have one… wait… are you saying…” Ray’s eyes grew wide.

Nora grinned and nodded. “I know you like to one up on Christmas but I couldn’t help myself. Apparently neither could you.” She elbowed him playfully.

“I love you. So much.” Ray kissed her and Tori fussed between them.

“Aww don’t like mama kissing Santa Claus, baby girl?” Nora kissed all over Tori’s face instead, making the girl giggle. “Gonna be a big sister!”

“Does this mean we can do family photos next year with us as Santa and Mrs. Claus and them as tiny elves?”

Nora let out a small laugh. “Sure babe. Why not.”

“Good cause they can’t know Santa fell in love with an elf. Might ruin his street cred.” Ray grinned cheekily.

Nora elbowed him again. “Oh go elf yourself.”

[let-it-raines]

Betting on the Bullseye (19/?)

Summary: Emma Swan loses a bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush to be her date to her office’s annual fundraising gala. Killian Jones is that celebrity crush. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost. What she doesn’t expect is for him to say yes.

Rating: Mature

A/N: Sometimes I look at the summary of this story and am just kind of like...that is not at all what this story is about anymore. But hey, it’s what the original prompt was about, so it works! Anyways, happy Tuesday! I hope you all have a great week!

AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic​ @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @artistic-writer @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @galaxyzxstark @lifeinahole27 @andiirivera @ultimiflos @hollyethecurious @thejollyroger-writer @superchocovian @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @notoriouscs

“What’s the weather going to be like today?”

“Look it up on your phone.”

“I am shaving my legs right now. Don’t exactly have access to my phone.”

She keeps running her razor over her calf, trying to make sure she’s not going to end up with a nasty cut that’ll just get irritated by the salt water, when Killian pops his head in the shower, a giant smile covering his entire face while his eyes trace up and down her body. It makes a quick shiver run down her spine until she remembers that she’s still got to shave her entire left leg. He is not stopping her from getting this done.

“What are you doing?”

“Choosing to look at you while I’m talking instead of yelling over the spray of the water.” “I think you are just choosing to look at me because I’m naked.”

He winks, running his tongue over his bottom lip in what has to be the most exaggerated motion she’s ever seen. “Exactly.”

“I’m literally going to be wearing as little as possible all day long. I think you’ll get your viewing of skin without a problem.” “Yes, but in front of my family. I can’t ravish you there.” “And you’re not going to ravish me now.” She waves her razor in his face, and he backs up a bit, laughing at her silent threat. He totally shouldn’t be laughing at her silent threat. It wasn’t even really a threat. She just wants to have smooth legs. He should want her to have smooth legs too. It feels better that way even if it’s so damn annoying to shave.

“Got it, got it,” he sighs, resting his hip against the wet stone. “I was just going to tell you that it’s going to be seventy-five today with a nice breeze. There are maybe going to be a few clouds, but it’ll mostly be a sunny day.” “Thank you, Al Roker.” She leans forward and pats his cheek before quickly kissing him. “Now let me shave in peace, and I’ll let you help pick out which bikini I wear today.”

“You are a kind woman who I very much love.” He waggles his brows, moving them across his forehead before he grabs onto her wrist and kisses her tattoo in the way that she’s grown so fond of over the past few months. It always makes her stomach do some kind of weird twist before everything rights itself. Then he’s ducking his head away and closing the shower door behind him.

“Weirdo,” she mumbles under her breath while continuing to shave. Smooth legs. She’s going to have smooth legs for today.

Along with her invention for drying hair without getting overheated, she’s also got to figure out something for hair removal. She knows there’s shaving, waxing, and laser hair removal or whatever, but there’s just got to be something less time consuming, less painful, and less expensive.

Obviously, her plan needs a lot of work.  

After she finally finishes shaving and rinsing her conditioner out of her hair, she turns the water off and gets out of the shower, patting herself down with the towel she had hanging over the door. She felt like death all day yesterday, the drinks at Killian’s premiere hitting her a little harder than she thought they would, but she feels fine today. Good, even. Okay, she’s really excited to get to spend the day out on the ocean with Killian and his family.

Six months ago, that thought would have terrified her, but now, she honestly can’t think of a better way to spend the day. She’s really grown to like getting to go out on the Jolly (even if she does still think that Killian is absolutely ridiculous in naming his boat that) and letting the salt water of the ocean get in her eyes no matter what she does to shield herself from it. Seriously, her sunglasses do nothing for her out there.

She loves it.

Her suitcase is open on the floor of the bathroom, having never moved from when she dragged it upstairs on Friday, and at the top of all of her clothes is the bright coral bikini that Ruby made her pack. It’s pretty much nothing, and it figures that Killian would pick it out. She should have just known. He’s a man after all. And she did tell him he could pick it out.

She’s totally going to get him to wear the blue trunks he has the hug his thighs and ass really tightly when they get wet.

What’s fair is fair after all.

“Babe,” she calls out after she’s changed, throwing on her jean shorts and tank top and braiding her hair while it dries. He doesn’t call back, so she leaves the bathroom, calling for him until she figures that he’s downstairs and can’t hear her. “KJ,” she says as she bounds down the stairs and runs into the kitchen, hearing his speaker playing music and following it, “if I have to wear the skimpy orange one than you have to wear the blue ones. It shows off your ass, and I – oh.”

Standing in the kitchen is Killian’s entire family, all of them staring at her with different amused expressions littering their faces. She definitely should just never assume that she and Killian are home alone. Like, ever. She just said something about his ass. In front of his family.

At least she’s wearing clothes and not showing off her actual ass. That’s already happened once. She at least had a Christmas sweater on…that might have made it worse. That definitely made it worse.

“Oh my God, you’re Emma,” Anna calls out, practically scrambling off of her stool until she’s attacked with a hug by Anna, her arms so tight around her that she can’t breathe for a second. Seriously. She can’t breathe. “I’m so excited to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet you too,” she laughs, looking over Anna’s shoulder to see Killian shrugging from where he’s standing next to the fridge, a cooler on the counter next to him. “I kind of thought it was never going to happen.”

“I know,” Anna squeals, releasing Emma from her hug only to place her hands on Emma’s shoulder where she intently stares at her. Like, really stares. It’s kind of weird and a little bit intense. “You’re just as pretty in person as you are in the pictures.”

“Um thanks?” she laughs, feeling the blush rise on her cheeks. “You are too.”

“Oi, Anna,” Liam calls out while he slathers Aiden down in what she assumed is his sunscreen, “leave the girl alone. I know for a fact that she doesn’t like to be ambushed in this kitchen.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Killian teases, winking at her from across the room. He’s right. She doesn’t mind when it’s him. It’s the other people that she doesn’t like. Well, she likes them, but she doesn’t like them scaring the shit out of her in the kitchen. “Just yesterday – ”

“Nope,” Kris starts, holding his hand up. “I love you all, but I am not listening to this. I’m Kris, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She gives him a small wave before walking across the room, hugging Elsa and squeezing Aiden’s hand along the way, until she’s standing next to Killian and pressing up on her toes so she can whisper in his ear. “Why didn’t you tell me your family was here?”

“They’re early,” he sighs, his breath hot against her skin, and it doesn’t help with how keyed up she is despite telling Killian no to sex earlier. She was serious about wanting to get her legs shaved. “Because I’d really like to hear all about how you think my arse looks in the blue trunks, and I’d like to see you in the coral bikini.”

“You should have left them outside then.”

“Liam has a key.”

She rolls her eyes. “Good point.” She falls back on her feet and turns to everyone else. “So you guys ready to go?”

-/-

“Hot damn,” Elsa whistles as Emma takes her shirt off once Killian has the boat settled out on the water at a nice resting place. “You have me reconsidering my theory that I really don’t need to be working out.”

“Oh God,” she groans, crossing her arms over her chest to try to make herself smaller. She’s proud of her body and knows Elsa’s just being nice, but it doesn’t mean she’s the biggest fan of everyone looking at her. And everyone is definitely looking at her. Can’t a large bird fly by or something to distract everyone? Maybe a shark swimming by would be good too. “You look great. Seriously. I have a very small social life and a boyfriend who lives nowhere near me. It’s either eat or go to the gym.”

“I like to go to the gym so that I can eat,” Anna adds in as she grabs a beer out of the cooler. “I bake far too much not to, and I’m on my feet most of the time so it helps. But yeah, Elsa is right. Hot damn.” She shakes her head back and forth, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth and pulling her sunglasses down to cover her eyes. She doesn’t even know what to say back to that, but as she’s learned in the past hour, Anna will fill in any awkward gaps. “How does the long-distance thing work? I mean, I’m pretty sure Kris and I have never spent more than a week apart, and you guys basically spend…all of your time apart.”

“Anna,” Elsa sighs, shooting her a sympathetic glance, “I’m sure Emma and Killian don’t really want to talk about that.”

She doesn’t. It’s really damn hard, and all she wants to do today is enjoy being here. She wants to enjoy today and the way the sun is beating down on her skin while she gets a tan drinking beer and spending the day with Killian. She can’t think about what it’s like having to go home because it hurts too damn much sometimes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m just curious.” “You’re curious about a lot of things, babe,” Kris adds in, “which is great. It’s what makes you so wonderful and one of the reasons why I love you.”

“You’re sweet.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Killian begins, moving out of the shielded area where he’s been doing whatever technical thing he does when they’re anchored. She’s not really sure. She hasn’t gotten the chance to actually learn a lot about boating. “Why is it that I am mercilessly teased when I so much as tell Emma that she looks nice today, but you all can be cheesy as hell?”

“Because you’re the youngest,” nearly every person on the boat yells in one way or another.

“And I will get gray hair after every single one of you,” he huffs, plopping down on the seat next to her so that his shorts pull up his thighs as his muscles flex. “Bloody arseholes.”

“Poor baby,” she mock sighs, not even able to hide the smile that’s tugging on her lips as she runs her hands through his hair. “Are the big kids on the playground teasing you?”

He rolls his eyes, before he’s pulling his sunglasses down over his eyes leaning over her and grabbing her water bottle before he takes a sip. “I am going to kick you all off of this damn boat except for the sleeping baby down below.”

“How are you going to do that little  brother? I think you’ll probably be the first person in the water.”

“Shove off.”

“Play nice,” she laughs, realizing that there’s actually some tension in Killian’s jaw and that he’s holding onto her knee a little too tightly. She’s not sure when exactly he actually got frustrated, but he is. “You okay, KJ?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, even as she sees his jaw tick again, the set as straight as she’s ever seen, “I’m fine, sweetheart.”

She studies him for a minute, wishing that he didn’t have his sunglasses on at this exact moment so she could see the blue in his eyes. They’d probably look really nice with the ocean all around them. “Okay, so I was thinking…” she begins to distract him, wrapping her arm around his waist and sliding her hand under the hem of the button down he still hasn’t taken off. He has rolled the sleeves up, which is hotter than it has any right to be, but he hasn’t taken it off. “I was thinking that we play some music, eat our lunch, and then we get into the water. But, like, just for a little while because I’m still not entirely convinced that I’m not going to get a limb eaten by a shark.”

“That is not going to happen.”

“It could. You never know. I could also get stung by a jellyfish, attacked by a dolphin, and I hear whales aren’t necessarily friendly. Then again, we are invading their home, and I feel like maybe we deserve it.”

“So when Liam is having to pee on your leg because you’ve been stung by a jellyfish, you want me to tell you that you deserved it?”

“Why the bloody hell am I the one peeing on her leg?” Liam laughs, his cheeks already tinted in red from the sun. “I mean, no offense, love, I just feel like we don’t have the type of relationship where I can pee on your leg and we come back from that.”

“This is true. It’s going to have to be you, babe. Or Elsa and Anna.”

“Wait. You just met Anna today. That’s not a great first impression. Also, what makes you think we can come back from that, Swan?”

“I’d do it,” Anna adds in.

“Me too.”

“Women aren’t hung up on quite the same things as you guys are,” Elsa sighs, standing up from her seat and stretching her arms. “You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.”

“I’m honestly just offended that my own boyfriend won’t pee on my leg to help my jellyfish sting.”

“Oh my God,” Killian groans, reaching up and running his hand through his hair, “this has gotten ridiculous. Darling, if I need to pee on your leg, I will.”

She pats his stomach. “That’s all I ask.”

The day passes slowly, nearly everything happening leisurely. Anna talks more than anyone she’s ever met, and it’s so damn entertaining that she absolutely hates that she hasn’t gotten to know her before. The water stays calm, and no one else seems to pass them, so Killian lets the music play loudly after Liam gets Aiden from below deck. They have him in the smallest of life jackets, the name Jones monogrammed against the back, and for a brief moment, she has this want deep in her belly for her to have something like that one day too. She doesn’t let it last long, though. She can’t. It’s a little too overwhelming for her today, and she wants the lightness of the day to continue.

While everyone else moves around, the bow becoming a bit too small for them, she leans back on the cushions, letting the sun lull her into a sense of comfort, making her sleepy while Killian stretches out on his stomach beside her, head rested on his forearms. She twists over onto her stomach as well, ignoring the moment that her skin hits metal, until she can run her fingers over Killian’s back, tracing the muscles there without bothering to look. She’s got the ocean stretched out in front of her. She can look at Killian’s back anytime.

She knows the dips and curves of it well enough anyhow.

“Have you applied lotion recently?”

Killian twists his head to the side and opens his uncovered eyes, the blue somehow even better than the blue of the ocean. Something seems genetically unfair there, but she’s not going to complain when she gets to benefit from it. “About an hour ago. You?”

“Same. Just don’t want you getting a sunburn or cancer or something.”

“Thanks, love.” He leans forward and quickly slants his lips over hers before moving to rest his hands on his forearms again. “What’s everyone else doing?”

“I believe they’re all eating in the shade.”

“You’re not even looking. How do you know that?”

“Wait for it,” she laughs, digging her nail into his back until he lets out a guttural groan that shoots straight to her core.

“I’m waiting to get to take you back home. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to be waiting for.”

“Jones,” Anna shrieks, immediately running over to them until she’s standing above them with an empty bag, “where the hell are my salt and vinegar chips?”

“Emma ate them all yesterday.”

“Hey,” she gasps, slapping his back, “why are you going to just sell me out like that?”

“Because you were about to do the same to me.”

“I was not.”

“You so were.”

“Who cares? I just want the chips,” Anna whines, plopping down next to them. “There’s only crumbs in here.”

“I’ll send you, like, a million bags of chips when we get back,” she promises Anna, kissing in between Killian’s shoulder blades before they both sit up. “I may have eaten them all when I was hungover yesterday.”

“You’re lucky I like you. I don’t play about my chips.”

“You could always just throw her to the sharks if you’re really mad at her,” Killian teases, and she immediately reaches over to slap his back again. Maybe she shouldn’t be so playfully violent…that’s probably not the best trait. But he also just said Anna could sacrifice her to, you know, die. “Bloody hell, you know I don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, he’d be lost without you, lass,” Liam shouts from across the boat, and she can feel her entire stomach rumble with laughter as all of Killian’s family begins to tease him.

He huffs behind her until his chin rests on her shoulder, nuzzling into her skin, his scruff prickling against her until gooseflesh rises over her arms and her legs. She leans back into his touch while his arms wrap around her waist, fingers splaying across her bare stomach.

It feels damn good.

“I love you, KJ,” she whispers, kissing his cheek when she can practically feel his irritation as his family continues to talk.

“I love you too, darling,” he says softly before yelling out, “and I hate all of you except for Aiden and possibly Kris. I don’t know. It depends on the hour.”

-/-

“Oooh, I love this song,” she gasps as she turns the radio’s volume up and lets the sounds of Hozier’s voice fill Killian’s car while he drives them back to his house.

She’s exhausted, the sun having drained out all of the energy out of her as they day stretched out into night, but she’s getting little bursts of energy as she scrolls through her phone. She didn’t have any signal all day, so she’s catching up on everything she missed online before she gets into the massive amount of texts that are still popping in. Ruby must be drunk texting. It happens all the time, and then she gets strings of every thought that Ruby has ever had. Usually there’s some interesting things in there, but it can wait for right now.

When Killian pulls into the garage, she leaves her phone in her bag, letting it fall with all of her junk, as she helps him carry the cooler inside. It’s still got a bunch of drinks inside, so it’s heavy as hell and her arms are feeling weak by the time they get it into kitchen. She really is tired.

“You’ve burned on your cheeks, love,” Killian sighs, walking over to her and swiping his thumbs across her cheeks, his thumbs rough against the skin. “I can also see more freckles.”

“Really? Because I applied lotion about ten different times. I felt like that was all I did.”

“It’s because you’re so fair.”

“Ugh, I know. I’ve known that my entire life.” She leans her cheek into, letting her eyes flutter closed. “I’m going to go shower. You want to join me?”

“Why is that even a question?”

“It was rhetorical.”

She’s in no way a fan of shower sex. There are too many accidents that can happen even with Killian’s stone shower, but that doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy getting to take a relaxing shower that’s full of teasing with Killian as she arranges suds over his beard much to his annoyance. Maybe she really is deliriously tired or maybe it was just a good day. She doesn’t know and she doesn’t care as she stumbles out of the shower with Killian until they fall into bed and absolutely defeat the purpose of them getting clean.

It’s totally worth it as Killian’s lips move over her nipples, teasing her and making her skin tingle in a way that the sun never could, and it’s even more worth it as he continues to move against her, working her up while working his way down her body.

Yeah, definitely worth it.

Afterward, when she’s sated and there’s a pink on her cheeks that has nothing to do with her sunburn, she crawls out of bed, much to Killian’s protest as his hand reaches for her, fingers grazing the skin of her inner thigh. She’s kind of cold, the air conditioning in his house not helping the chill that’s coming from her skin, she so she pulls on some leggings and a t-shirt before brushing through her tangled, still damp hair. It’s an absolute mess, and she really can’t leave it like this or she’ll have to shave her head.

That would be tragic.

“Babe?” she calls out, twisting a towel around her hair to dry it.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know where I left my phone?” She walks back into the bedroom where Killian’s stripping the comforter and sheets off. They’re honestly probably damp, and she’s glad that he’s doing that.

“I don’t. Hell, I don’t even know where my phone is.”

She groans, pulling her towel away from her hair and tossing it into his laundry pile. “I’m going to go downstairs and check through my bag for it. I’ll look for yours too while you put those in the dryer.”

He nods as she walks away, quickly running down the stairs and searching through the living room for her bag only to find nothing. She goes through the entryway and the kitchen before she decides to check Killian’s car. Sure enough, it’s sitting on the floorboard with Killian’s sitting on the center console, and she grabs them both before heading inside and settling down onto the couch in the living room.

She’s got notifications filling her screen behind the time telling her that it’s far past midnight. Where the hell did today go?

Ruby: Sunday fun day.

Ruby: Seriously. I’ve had a lot of mimosas. By myself because Marg is boring and pregnant and David is not drinking in solidarity.

Ruby: It’s times like these when I miss you. And when I realize I need more friends.

Ruby: OMG. We have to try the new bakery down the street from the office. I meant to tell you earlier, but I forgot.

David: Can you return my call?

“What call?” she mumbles to herself only to continue to scroll through the messages, thankful that she’s sitting down for what she reads next.

David: Ems, Mary Margaret is in labor.

David: We’re waiting at the hospital right now.

Ruby: Holy shit, Marg is having Brody right now.

Ruby: She’s freaking out because she’s early. I’m freaking out because I’ve had far too much to drink today.

David: Everything is fine. I don’t know why you’re not near your phone, but don’t freak out when you get these messages, okay? MM and the baby are fine.

If her heart could beat out of her chest with her still alive, that’s exactly what would be happening right now. She can’t breathe. There’s something lodged in her throat that’s stopping her from breathing. Mary Margaret can’t be having her baby. That’s not supposed to happen for three more weeks. That’s why she let herself come out here for four days and why Killian was going to come to her the next few weekends. She is supposed to be at the hospital with Mary Margaret. They had a whole plan. She was supposed to be with them. She was going to watch Leo.

Oh shit. Who’s watching Leo? Ruby’s drunk. Ruby can’t watch Leo.

Quickly, she presses David’s contact name and listens to the rings, just waiting for him to answer. “Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. You have to pick up the phone.”

“Hello?”

“David, oh my God. What’s happening? Is Mary Margaret okay? Is the baby okay? Are you okay? Is someone watching Leo? Oh shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I missed your calls and your texts and oh my God.”

“Emma, breathe,” David calmly says into the phone, which only really makes her breathe more heavily. “Everything is fine. The doctors say Mary Margaret and Brody are both fine, that he’ll be okay when he’s born from what they can tell. She’s not too early or anything. She’s barely early at all. And Leo is at home with a sitter.”

“I was supposed to be his sitter. I was supposed to be with him.”

“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known she’d be early.” “But I should be there.” She gets up from the couch, already walking upstairs planning on packing her bags to go home. “I’m going to go back my bag right now and change my flight. How long until she delivers do you think?”

“Emma, that’s ridiculous. You can’t get a flight out of there right now. It’s nearly three in the morning here.”

“I’ve got to go,” she tells him, hanging up the phone as her mind runs all over the place as she tries to calculate how long it’ll take to get there. There shouldn’t be any traffic, but she needs a flight. How much is it going to cost her to change to another flight?

In the back of her mind, she knows that she’s being crazy, that it doesn’t matter if she leaves right now or in the morning because there’s no way in hell that she’s going to make it in time for Brody to be born or to watch Leo when they’re already at the hospital. But she’s supposed to be there. This is her family, whether it’s blood or not, and she’s supposed to be there for the big things like this. She starts throwing all of her clothes back into her suitcase, not caring that they’ll get wrinkled, and is zipping up her bag when she hears Killian’s voice.

“Swan, what are you doing?”

She looks up at him as she zips her suitcase. She looks at the way that he’s got his arms crossed over his chest, his muscles bulging a bit with the position, and she looks at the way that his sweatpants hang low on his hips, giving her a glimpse of the trail of hair and the v-shaped muscles that she’s grown so fond of. No, that she loves. She loves him and the way that his eyes are always so beautiful, loves the way that his hair flops over his forehead no matter how he styles it, and she loves the way that he’s always got a smile on his face when he’s looking at her. She loves how he makes her laugh, how he listens to her ramble about the stupidest things, and how he listens, actually listens, to her when she’s telling him something she’s not truly comfortable sharing.

She loves him.

But right now she is absolutely furious at him.

No, right now she’s furious with herself.

She has no idea who she’s furious with.

“I’m going home,” she mumbles, standing from the ground and slipping sandals onto her feet.

“I’m sorry. You’re what now?”

“I’m going home. I have to go home.”

“Emma,” he cautions, coming over to her and placing his hands on her shoulder, squeezing enough that she stops and can see the confusion in his eyes, the uneasiness in his smile, “what are you talking about? Your flight is at noon tomorrow. It’s midnight. We have hours left.”

“I need to go. Mary Margaret is having her baby, and I’m supposed to be there.”

“She’ll understand if you’re not.”

“No,” she groans, backing away from his touch while her mind begins to spiral. She needs it to stop, but she can’t. She can’t make it stop no matter how hard she tries. She’s trying. She really is. “I need to go. I cannot miss this. That is my family, and I’ve missed so much lately. I’ve missed all of these major moments, not to mention all of the little ones, and I need to go home. I don’t need to fucking be here.”

She can feel Killian’s eyes on her, but she has to look away. She can’t look at him, can’t look at the blue or the way that his lips aren’t pressed into a smile. “Darling, there aren’t going to be any flights. It’s late.”

“I still have to go home.”

“Swan, your flight is tomorrow. You’ll be there tomorrow.”

“At, like, midnight. I’ll be home at midnight. I’m going to miss everything.” “You’ll be there after he’s born, after they’ve had time with him.”

“You don’t get it,” she cries, wiping down the tears that are falling on her cheeks while she makes a feeble attempt to regulate her breathing. She stopped breathing, didn’t she? How did she stop breathing? “I’m missing it, Killian. My best friend having a baby, and nothing will change whether I’m there or not, but it’s not just this. It’s everything. If we keep doing this, how much of my life am I going to miss? How much are you going to miss because we’re always on a damn plane or all the way across the country?”

“Emma – ” he cautions, stepping closer to her only for her to back away, to take a step back for every step that he takes forward.

One step forward. Two steps back.

“No, I’m right. We haven’t talked about it, but I’m right.”

“So what do you want?” Killian sighs, an edge of anger seeping into his voice that she hears over the pounding in her head and the thump of her heart against her ribcage.

“I want to go home.”

“That’s not exactly an option right now. So why don’t we just go downstairs and watch TV? You’ll get on your plane in the morning, and you’ll be there as fast as you can.”

“I can’t do this,” she sighs, feeling her breath even out as her chest stops heaving and her face cools down. Her entire body cools down really, the frantic episode that she just went through stopping while she stares down Killian and stares down what her entire future is going to look like. “I can’t do this.” “What can’t you do?”

“This,” she says calmly, pointing between the two of them. “I can’t live with this actual, physical distance between us. I can’t…oh God,” she sobs, covering her mouth with her hands while tears well in her eyes again, everything that she’s been holding down for months  coming to the surface. “I can’t do this.”

“Emma,” he pleads, and she has to ignore the brokenness in his voice. “Love, no, don’t go down that road. We’re fine. Please don’t do this.”

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 44

“Don't ever do this to me again, because I don't know if I would survive” was the last thing she heard him whisper before sleep finally overpowered her, he just heard her sigh the cutest sigh in reply and then seconds later her deep, soft breathing, hopefully that hangover wasn't gonna be too painful in the morning. His eyes became heavy too, finally he could give in to this motherfucker of a jetlag that had been stalking him all evening, his adrenalin constantly pumping through his veins for hours had worn him out completely, she was safe, so was he, he had more than he could've asked for with her head resting on his chest and her body firmly glued to his, his eyes obeyed his mind and fell shut, let go, give in..the moon threw its' mysterious veil over their exhausted bodies at the closing of this weird, dramatic day. Come on, woman, pick up, where the hell are you? Surely that prick must have left hours ago, knowing you, he's probably being carried onto a plane, crippled or kicked black and blue because you're the wildest cat I know. “..'llo?”, what? it was fuckin' 7AM and that nitwit answered her phone with a sleepy voice? Fuckfuckfuck! “Jared?..hey! uhm, I was just checking up on Harper, is she ok? I was so worried about  her when you carried her out of the club..” his voice like honeygold syrup while he kicked the wall in frustration. “Sean..just a second” Jared reluctantly pulled his arm from under her but stopped when she started to stir, nonono don't move, only when she was completely still again, he whispered in the phone “Sean, I can't talk right now..she's ok..really..she's sleeping now and I don't want to wake her, I 'll call you later, ok?”. Sean heard the dry click in his ears, what the actual fuck? Oh she's sleeping, blablabla, she's probably exhausted from the hard fucking you gave her, bweeghh, his stomach squeezed uncomfortably together, she was his and he would get her..eventually..one lost battle wouldn't make him lose the war. “Who..phone..what time is it?..owww” Coco put her hands on top of her head and closed her eyes in pain “owww, my head..”, Jared groaned a little, she was awake, that stupid fucker had woken her, “it was Sean..checking up on you..here..” he turned to the nightstand and picked up the glass of water and a tablet. “I thought you might feel like you do this morning, so here, take that and go back to sleep” he handed her some paracetamol and the glass. She pushed the medicine between her lips and quickly swallowed it before she put her head back down on the pillow, “better already” she smiled carefully up at Jared, “good, I'm glad” he slowly twirled a strand of hair between his fingers and let his lips caress her aching forehead. “Will you just..?” her hand reached for his head and pushed it back down on the pillow as well, stop that Leto “thanks, I was getting a bit dizzy”, he shuffled his pillow a little closer until it bumped against hers, “you're..breathtaking” there was such an honesty in his eyes that she almost believed him. “Calm down, Leto, flattery is not gonna get you anywhere..that's not what it's gonna take, that is not what I need” she whispered “I don't need to hear all that beauty bullshit..that would be selling me short, like all I am is a pretty face to you, nothing more..I mean, think about it, just because you're very easy on the eye, doesn't make you any less of a bastard”.

Ok, time to face the music “true..” he squinted his eyes a little, indicating to her that her words made impact “I just can't take back what I said, can I? It was stupid and totally uncalled for, I wish you would believe me..when you put that knife into that painting yesterday, I felt it physically..I know that sounds ridiculous but I think you're the most talented person I've ever met”. Yeah sure, whatever, she rolled her eyes “the most talented person with absolutely no career.. pathetic? Was that the word you used to describe me?” she huffed but he stopped her from rolling over on her back again. “Don't, Harper..come on, you seem to forget that your paintings was what drew me to you, I didn't even know what you looked like and I couldn't care less, I was just so blown away by your work that I just needed to get in touch with you and buy something, which I never received by the way..” he smiled. She shot up and jumped from the bed, rummaging through some paintings and then returned to the bed “here, all yours” she pushed the painting in his hands “nobody else wants them”. He took the painting and shook his head “they just haven't seen it yet, hang on” he put the painting on the nightstand and took a picture, fidgeting around on his phone immediately after, “what are you doing?” she frowned, “I'm showing it to the world” he grinned as he pushed down on the screen “there! On instagram, facebook, and Twitter” he showed the picture to her, “what? But..I don't want..” she stammered, “too late, I'm not deleting it, it's high time the world sees what a talented painter you are..oh look, the first likes are flooding in..soon you'll be the most famous one of us two”. Harper snatched the phone out of his hands, oh god, he was right, that heart thingy popped up every 2 seconds “what the..?” she breathed as he pulled her between his legs, her back resting against his chest “your career is about to skyrocket, that's what” he kissed the side of her head. “How do I know they're doing it for my work and not because you put something on social media?” she didn't understand much of how social media worked, so far she had managed to stay far away from it after all the horror stories about stalking and screenzombies she had heard, artificial friendships, artificial lifestyles, filters, and all that crap. “Well, you can never be a 100% sure I guess, but it's all about the tags right? #artist #painter #art #HarperCocoRobianoDarby “loveofmylife #talentedasfuck #artsavestheworld #girlfriend #love #lover #mywoman” he rattled with a huge smile “look at all those comments! 'wow Jared, she's so talented', 'it's breathtaking, can we see some more work?', 'is it for sale?', 'I have a galery and want to exhibit her work, where can I contact her?”. Dumbfounded she stared at all the messages on the screen as he slowly scrolled through them “I guess you have your answer right there, it's all about you, not about me, you kept your work hidden for far too long” he pushed a kiss in her hair, “huh? You posted it only a couple of minutes ago..so this is social media..it's scary” she stammered while her eyes whizzed over the screen. “No, it's not, it can be fantastic, like right now..in just a few clicks you're famous, people keep asking to see more of your work, look..you keep saying that I'm only trying to flatter you, but this is proof that it's not flattery but the truth, if others are seeing and saying it too”. He felt her go to jelly in his arms while she just stared and stared, “you were right..and your parents are wrong, they always were..wrong not to see and support all that amazing talent their daughter has, wrong because they are too blind and jealous of their own child”.

Harper finally took her eyes off the screen and turned to look at him over her shoulder “and you? What about you?” she whispered, “Me? I was wrong to say all I said about your career, I still don't know why I said it, it must be to do with jealousy as well..jealous because you're gonna have a bigger and better career than I have or could ever have and you did it all with your own talent, which is something I can't always say about myself” his hand caressed her cheek, pushing a kiss on the tip of her nose. What he said about her parents made her pulse race “I want to believe you..I really do, but jealous? My parents? Of me? Why would they be? They're rich diplomats, and their kids need to follow in their footsteps and be all perfect and conservative, not throw some paint around and..”, he immediately stopped her “exactly..but they have no power or control over you, they've probably never had..and that's something they can't stand..I know, because I talked to them after you had left..I called your Dad and..well, I gave them my honest opinion on whose fault it was that there's such bad blood between the two of you”. Harper's eyes grew wide as saucers, had he really done that or was he just saying that to get back into her good books? It wasn't exactly like she could call or contact them and check! “oh..and what did he say?” she raised her eyebrows, “well..ok so I should probably say that I lost my patience and basically called him a cold, heartless idiot if he denies his amazing, talented, wonderful, creative, perfect child just because she follows her dreams and her heart” he scrunched up his nose “I may or may not have said bastard instead of idiot though..hmm, guess that won't score me any points and I can kiss my invitation to the next family barbecue most definitely goodbye, but fuck that! Someone needed to tell him what was up”. He watched her nostrils flare a little while she stared at him with those big, amazing chocolate eyes of hers, oh god no..she wasn't gonna cry, was she? Coco just couldn't hold back any longer and she let her muffled snigger burst out into a hiccuping laughter. She rolled over the mattress clutching her chest “you didn't, you so didn't” she snickered and flapped her eyelashes at him, oh god woman, drive me completely crazy, why don't you? “I did..I'm sorry” there was a sudden shift in energy when her eyes drilled into his looking up at him. “No apologies needed, none whatsoever..” she whispered, he leaned in, he had to, he just was drawn to her like gravity, before she could do or say anything, his lips crashed down on hers.

Demanding, hot, apologetic, reassuring, this kiss was all of the above but most of all it was..needed, it was time to bury the hatchet, she needed to be with this weirdo, this was THE ONE, she didn't even know what that actually was supposed to feel like, but she just felt it in every fibre of her being. Jared felt her deepen the kiss, thank god, please let this war between her and me be over, I don't want to fight anymore, what she did next, had his skin on fire in a split second. Her hand reached for his face, her warm hand caressing his cheek, only to venture southbound over his chest, their lips still glued together when he felt her hands sneaking into his underwear, cupping the perfect round globes of his butt. Reluctantly he disconnected the kiss and closed his eyes, his face still hovering over hers, “what? What is it?” she tapped the tip of his nose to get his attention, what? He didn't want this? “nothing..it's just..” he didn't even open his eyes, he leaned his head back, “it's just what? Jared” she asked anxiously, goddammit..men! Always so unpredictable. When he felt her shift uncomfortably underneath him, he finally looked at her “I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for yet..I just know that if we keep going like this, I'm not gonna be able to stop..” he breathed. Sweet, stupid, considerate, at times unbearably romantic Jared..”who said anything about stopping? I just want this pent-up frustration and anger fucked out of me, and since I can't do that on my own, you'll need to get to work, Leto, and fast before I change my mind” Harper's hands urgently traced down his shoulders, his chest, his abs, her fingers hooking behind the front of his underwear whilst she bit her lip, and looked up at him with those not so innocent bambi eyes. “God, you're not exactly a hopeless romantic, are you? But that's ok, because I prefer my sex-crazed kitten” he grinned, his mouth got to work and bit her shoulder, pulling the strap of her bra down with his teeth, seconds later his warm, hot tongue circled around her hard nipple, touchdown! God yes! She sighed in bliss while her hands ran through his long hair.

[ink-flavored]

11/11/11 Tag Game

Tagged by the lovely @bookenders ! thanks!

Questions

1. Would you rather know every language on Earth except the one of the country you currently reside, or know every word and definition of every word in your native tongue?

2. You are now allowed to own any animal with the guarantee that you’ll be able to take care of it properly. Who’s your new best friend?

3. What’s the most ridiculous thing on your bucket list?

4. You have to be handcuffed to one of your characters for a week. Who do you pick?

5. What 3 famous people, living or dead, would you most like to chat with?

6. What’s the worst nickname you’ve ever gotten?

7. Do you believe in ghosts? Why/Why not?

8. What’s the best day of the week?

9. Best and worst things you’ve ever bought?

10. You can ask one question, and have it answered completely truthfully – no strings attached. What do you ask?

11. What’s a random piece of trivia you know?

Tagging (no pressure!): @royalbounties, @rainy-rose, @cataclysmic-writer, @isanyonetoknow, @frankenstienn, @rrrawrf-writes, @qelizhus, @tenacious-scripturient @surroundedbypearls, @farrradays, @blueinkblot, and anyone else who feels like it!

 My answers below the cut!

1. What’s a writing tip or piece of advice you stand by 100%? What’s a piece of advice/tip you stand by 0%?

One tip I always stand by is to never let anyone dictate what you write. Criticism has its place, and sometimes that place is in the garbage. If you’re not happy making a change someone asks you to make – or tells you that you “should” make – then you have absolutely no reason to do it. Your vision is yours.

Really, I hate any “tip” that tells you to never do [x]. Only very, very rarely are they actually useful, and what most of them are trying to tell you is to not use [x] until you fully understand how to write without it.

Adverbs, for example. There’s a difference between using adverbs for something like “shouted loudly” and “smiled sadly.” The former is redundant, the second adds character to a scene. Adverbs aren’t evil – but if you don’t know how and where to use them, it makes your writing weaker.

2. What’s your primary concern when starting a new story?

The plot. I’m a terrible outliner, and a lot of my ideas come with only the most basic of arcs before fucking off and leaving me to world-build for the next 6 months and do nothing else.

3. What’s your favorite literary device?

Ooh, tough one. I’m a huge fan of foreshadowing – writing and reading it – but symbolism is so cool too.  And metaphors! Ugh! Too many cool ones, pass.

4. Who is your favorite artist? Have you ever written anything inspired by their art? What was it? If not, would you ever? What would it be?

A FAVORITE ARTIST??? YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT?? ARG that’s so unfair. You’re evil.

Although, I will say my recent art trade with my (very cool) friend @/malikbishtar was EXTREMELY fun!! You can find [my half] here and [their half] here!! That particular trade was fanfic/fanart respectively, and I would 100% be down for doing that again or for an original trade with somebody else!

As for writing something out of the blue based on somebody’s art, no I’ve never done that. I’m very shy about posting my writing online (I always have been), especially unsolicited writing for other people. I’ve certainly been inspired by people’s art, but I’ve never “done” anything about it, if you feel me. Maybe someday!

5. Are there any tourist traps in the world of your WIP? What are they?

YES absolutely. Especially in The God-Dragon’s Wife. Because the population of Syo-Lang (most of it anyway) is so religious and devoted to the God-Dragons, there’s a huge market for touring sacred spaces, cities build elaborate temples in hopes of attracting locals and visitors alike, you’d swear there was a “who can hold the biggest parade in honor of Keungkai” contest when the new year comes around. It gets absolutely crazy.

6. What do you love about your writing style?

I really like my description. As much as I like to complain, I think it’s the strongest part of my prose writing.

7. What do you love about your own personal style?

Over the years, I’ve slowly leaned into the idea that the only person who has to like what I wear is me. So I’ve started wearing more jewelry and crop tops and in general a lot more stuff that shows skin because I feel comfortable in it. And it’s been awesome! I’m having the best time!!

8. In what kind of environment are you happiest?

One that’s quiet and lets me write whenever I want. Also a cat. It should also be raining.

9. How would you write a coffee shop AU of your WIP?

Oh this is the perfect question. The immediate two I have ideas for is TGDW and Dragon Raising, for wildly different reasons.

The God-Dragon’s Wife, obviously, it’s because ~romance~ and I love these two. Xinya is totally an important political person or whatever who comes to this one coffee shop because it’s like 2am because it’s the only place open and she needs a break from paperwork. There’s exactly one (1) other person in the shop that isn’t an employee, and it’s this woman (Yu-Qi) sitting on one of the tables – like on the table, not in a chair – and she says, “the moon told me we’re going to be married one day.” Because it’s 2am and Xinya really does not have the energy for this, she just goes “that’s nice” and continues about her business. Except she is not left to herself for long because moon-lady is insistent on striking up a conversation. Xinya indulges her politely and leaves very fast. But she keeps? Going back? To the coffee shop??? To talk to Yu-Qi???? And doesn’t really get it until it’s too late and she goes oh no. Anyway, someone needs to write that for me once the book is published sdfghjk

For Dragon Raising, I’m just imagining Hayden trying to run a coffee shop while also having to bring his pet dragons to work because he can’t leave them alone in his apartment and it turns out they’re very helpful in the kitchen. A slice-of-life, dragon café story. I’d read it.

10. Sweatpants or leggings? Why?

Depends! I live in Florida, so wearing sweatpants outside is usually a bad idea, but I wear them when I lounge around inside all the time. I prefer leggings when I go out, so I don’t die of heatstroke.

11. What feeds your creative energy?

C O N S U M I N G.

But for real, I get creativity by sucking in media and spitting back out my ideas. Whether that’s a show, a movie, a book, a comic, a game, literally whatever, I get so much inspiration and energy by seeing what others have done and incorporating it into my own works. Even if I dislike it, I can look at whatever made me go sour and think, “Okay, now I know what I won’t do in my next idea.”

[kpoprunsmylifenow]

He Looked so Cold

Yeosang x Reader

Fluff

Summary: Yeosang was a tattoo artist. He was patiently waiting on his soulmate, but when he found her he didn't tell her. So then the universe has to make them run into each other often and have the same friends.

Yeosang was a tattoo artist. He’d done a lot of cover ups, mostly for those who’s soulmate had died. Every once and awhile he’d get someone who’d come in to get a cover up because they wanted to. When you came in, it was just for a new tattoo. You were new to the area, having come to study, and wanted a new tattoo to get you settled in. Your roommate had recommended this place. When you and Hongjoong entered the shop, he thought you were his girlfriend and had come for him since he was a regular of his. But when he stated that it was for you, he was thoroughly surprised.

“Well can I see the design and where you want it?” He asked. You pulled out your phone and he noticed your tattoo. It was a phrase that Yeosang had on his arm too. He decided to not say anything, and hoped he’d see you again. He didn’t want to scare you since you’d just got there.

Most people saw Yeosang as a scary person. He had a cold face at times, and his tattoos and piercings didn’t help his image. When you immediately started a conversation with him about some of his tattoos, he knew you were different from any person he’d ever met. He asked you about some, and even your soulmate tattoo, which you just said that you’d meet them when you meet them. So when he was done, he walked you out to where Hongjoong was talking with San and Seonghwa.

“I wanna see it!” Hongjoong said as he rushed towards you. You gave him your arm and on the opposite side of your soulmate tattoo. It was a quote that your family had always said and encouraged you to go and try new things, so that’s what you wanted when you got here.

“It looks so good. Sang is as good as always.” He said as he winked towards Yeosang. Yeosang shook his head and pushed him away.

The next time he saw you was at your campus. He was at the cafe there getting coffee for him and the boys. You were sitting in a corner of the cafe with headphones on. You looked like you were studying, but when he looked closer you were dancing. When you looked up he smiled and waved. You waved back and motioned him over.

“What are you doing here?” You asked when he sat down across from you.

“I’m getting coffee for the boys while we’re on a break. What are you doing?” “I’m trying to distribute our center spot for our choreography. But I’m having some trouble, I think I might has Joongie later.” You thought out loud.

“Maybe I can help? It’s gonna take them a minute to make everything I ordered. Let’s see the choreo first.” So for the next 10 minutes he was waiting, he helped you decide on who went where. Soon they called his name.

“Well looks like I have to go, but if you need some help again I’m happy to help.” You thanked him as he left, and you wanted to see him again. It seemed as if he wasn’t as cold as he seemed.

The next time you saw him was at a party Hongjoong was throwing at your apartment. He’d texted you one afternoon telling you that he was throwing a party. You just said okay, planning to stay with someone else, but it seemed like all your friends were going. So you decided to lock your bedroom door so no one could get in there and chill at the party. It was wild, there was people everywhere and the amount of beer and liquor you’d have to clean up in the morning was ridiculous. You found Hongjoong with Mingi and Seonghwa, they were chugging some bottles, of something you didn’t know. You waved at the guys as you passed by to get to the kitchen. It was quieter there and not as many people. You sat on the counter, after you wiped it free of all the alcohol, and ate some pizza that was in your fridge. When Jongho entered the kitchen, more than likely looking for more alcohol, he stopped and talked to you. It wasn’t for long since the rest of the guys were calling him to play something. When Yeosang finally saw you, his shirt was ripped and his chest piece was showing. He’d asked Hongjoong for another shirt, but he said that his room was locked and you had the key.

“Hey do you have Hongjoong’s room key? I need a new shirt.” He asked as he leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Yeah I got it, come on. But I do have to ask what happened.” You asked laughing, hopping down from the counter.

“Mingi and Wooyoung got too excited and started pulling on my shirt. It just so happened that one of them pulled where one of the holes was.” When you got to Joong’s door, you unlocked it and let him in. When he came back out, he was in a dark red shirt, that you had to admit fit with his black leather pants. You locked his room back up while Yeosang thanked you. While you were on the way back to the kitchen to chill till everyone was kicked out, a guy decided that he wanted to talk to you. You’d even said that you didn’t want to dance, or have a drink, or leave with him and he was still so persistent. You texted in the group chat that Hongjoong added you into with the other boys, seeing as you all grew closer since you’d gotten to Korea. Your SOS was met with all the boys bursting into the kitchen, almost punching the guy when he said that he had you first. But when Hongjoong pointed out that it was his house and his roommate that he was hitting on, he immediately backed off and left you alone.

“Are you okay? He didn’t like try and hurt you right?” Seonghwa asked as soon as he left the kitchen.

“No I’m fine. He just wouldn’t leave me alone.” Hongjoong pulled you into him, whispering that he was glad you were okay.

You were in the dance studio when all the guys showed up. You’d been practicing a lot lately, using the excuse that you couldn’t get the moves, but the real reason was Yeosang. He seemed to be over all the time and you suddenly see him everywhere. You couldn’t focus around him, so when they entered, you were so focused on your steps that you didn’t even notice. When the song ended, they began clapping. You screamed and dropped to the ground when you realized that they’d snuck in.

“Jesus you guys scared me!” They all laughed.

“Get up, we brought you food, so get up so we can eat.” Wooyoung said as he pulled you up. While you were eating, they asked you when you were going to get your next tattoo. Honestly, you hadn’t thought about it, but San convinced you to come into the shop this weekend and look at a design he thought would look good on your thigh piece.

When you entered the shop, you were attacked by Wooyoung who was running from a now pink  haired Yeosang.

“Y/N save me!” He yelled as he hid behind you.

“Uh, what?” “I may have pranked Yeo and dyed his hair pink.” At this you laughed.

“At least it looks good Sang.” You said as you winked at him. “But I don’t think I can save you Woo, I’m here to see San’s design.” “Oh look, I know exactly where he is. Let’s go!” And then he was pulling you away from an angry Yeosang and into San’s drawing area. He had a lot of designs pinned up on a couple of bulletin boards, and then shelves with some random things and a couple of notebooks.

“Oh hey Y/N. I see Wooyoung has made you save him from Sang.” You hugged him in greeting. “Yeah,” You said sighing. “but what I really wanna see is this new design.” And you absolutely loved it. It had multiple elements of the sea, which is what your thigh piece was about, the ocean. It even had a small mermaid in there. “Can you put this on me now?” You asked him seriously. He laughed and told you to go hop in his chair out front. You saluted and went to his chair.

“I’m guessing you demanded San to give you that piece?” Yeosang asked as he was finishing up on someone.

“You know it.” You said laughing. Luckily you’d wore shorts, guessing that you’d be getting a new tattoo today. Once it started, you were lulled to sleep by the tattoo gun and the music that they had playing. “Y/n, sweetheart, wake up. Your tattoo is done.” San said as he shook you softly. You groaned and sat up. “I wanted you to see it before I wrapped it all up.” You nodded and then died.

“San oh my god. This looks so good! The shading is perfect!” San smiled. “Come here so I can wrap it.” He said laughing as you twirled around in the mirror to look at all angles of your new piece.

“Sorry I fell asleep I’-” “We already know that you practice till ungodly hours. Hongjoong is pretty worried about you.” You looked down and away. “Did something happen?” “What no. Nothing happened, it’s just that I can’t get this part in the break down and it’s so aggravating. I feel like I’m falling behind, so I’m stressing on getting that part.” You said as you looked down at your hands.

“Hey, you need to remember that we all need a break sometimes. Why don’t you hang out with us tonight and skip practice. And before you interrupt, me, Yunho, and Mingi will all go with you tomorrow morning since we don’t have classes to help you.” Your eyes started to tear up but you quickly pushed that down.

“Alright.” You said quietly. And for the rest of the night, you hung out with your friends and relaxed for the first time in weeks.

When you finally realized that Yeosang was your soulmate, it was when he was swimming with the other guys. You didn’t much care for swimming, so you opted to lay in a chair under an umbrella and watch the guys. Yeosang had hid his reaction well when you told him that you knew. He grabbed his wrist and put his arm over your shoulder, smiling.

“It’s about time. The guys were wanting me to tell you, but I didn’t want you to feel more stressed and stuff when I told you so I wanted you to figure it out on your own.” He said as he pulled you towards the water.

“Sang I don’t wanna go into the water!” When you tried to make a break for it, San and Jongho were waiting to block you from escaping. “What no guys!” You yelled as Yeosang picked you up.

“Let’s go!” San yelled as the 3 of them started to run towards the shore, all while you were yelling no.

When you got back home that night, Yeosang decided that he was going to stay.

“I’m glad you finally figured out.” He said laughing quietly.

“Well I’m glad you finally gave me an obvious hint.” You retaliated.

“Okay, to be fair when I first saw it was when you first had moved here. You were already stressed so I didn’t want to add me to that list. I think it was better to wait anyways, it’s always sweeter in the end.” And he pulled you into a sweet kiss. You hummed and grabbed his hand that was against your cheek.

“You’re right. It’s sweeter when you wait. So does that mean your pink hair will come back?” At then you were smacked with a pillow. “Hey! It made you look so soft!”

[scummy-writes]

Stupid and Sappy post

*waves hands* It’s time for Scum to say bye to MM under the cut! (This is very stupid jhfbjhf)

I can already feel people rolling their eyes at me for this, especially folks who keep like, vague tweeting me and shit over my opinions about this game, but guess what bitch is gonna write this anyway! Me! sfbjhdf

(This post is going to be incoherent at places, like as I am as a person, but also! I talk about heavy subjects like suic*de, so if that gets to you, please don’t read!)

To start it off seriously: even though recently I’ve had a lot of issues over this company with their lack of warning over heavy triggering content, and their very blatantly bad customer service, I still love the original game a lot. Not in the “Oh this plot is beautiful” way, but like. This game helped me at a time when I was extremely lonely, and was dealing with a lot of heavy shit at home.

If you guys have followed me since the beginning, you know know I started this blog just a few months after downloading this game. Like riiight at the beginning of Jan 2017, I made my first post on here- this blog is two years old! I started out as a HC blog and stayed that way for a while, and I think after I hit 1k followers I finally brought up the fact that I had an AO3 account- and folks realized I had started writing fics in oct 2016 for this game! So, a lot of people know that, wow! This game inspired me a lot creatively and helped me hone my writing skills a bit more after a while not being in a writing class! (And yes, my early fics I absolutely refuse to look at because I hate how I used to write JHBJSBFS).

What a lot of folks don’t know, is that at the very beginning of august, I had gotten out of a ward after coming very close to doing something pretty bad to myself. 

Granted, I didn’t have to stay in there long- I had put myself in there so I could also leave whenever I wanted (as long as the docs deemed me safe to leave as well) but I kept myself in there for a good bit so I could do a lot of critical thinking and not stress so much about my job at the time.

Afterwards, I got out, while I wasn’t still at That Point, I was still struggling pretty bad mentally. Home life was rough, my mom was battling with a terrible boyfriend at the time that lived with us, and I was still dipping back into some pretty bad thoughts.

Then, a friend I’ve had for a while now, introduced me to this game! And, well, I already covered that it helped me a lot in the creative process, but it also helped distract me a shitton from the bad home life I had.

A lot of people probably also remember that a month after having this blog up and running, my mom tried killing herself.

Everything is still really vivid in my memory about that- because like. So many things could have gone wrong. My little brother could have fallen asleep earlier before he found her, I could have picked up that extra hour for my shift at work, this, that- but long story short she’s still alive.

But it was a terrible year for me. Probably, arguably, all of 2017 was the worst year I’ve had in my life so far. So many things happened with my mother, she was mentally unstable, and after a lot of threats against me I even had to move out until she was more stable and, you know, not threatening to hurt me/break my shit.

And, a lot of you know, while I was constantly dealing with my own mother threatening me and trying to disown me, I was also being harassed on a constant basis over juz*n bullshit. Words cannot describe how laughably stupid that whole situation was, but it was completely, utterly, ridiculous bullshit. 

Add that onto me dealing with the IRL struggles with my mom, some of which are somewhat starting to repeat even now- to the point where I’m going to be moving out again soon- well. Shit! It sucked, lol. It sucked a lot, and there were many times where I wish I was back in the hospital or worse.

But, and yes I’m gonna say exactly what yall are expecting, again- this game helped me out a lot. I constantly felt alone and worthless- my own mother was abandoning me- and these voiced sprites made me feel less alone. Gave me the attention I wish I had IRL.

And, well, a lot of my 2017 year is easy to summarize. Constantly harassed, bullied, and dealing with stupid fandom wank. But, also, filled with wonderful messages and support from you guys. 

I’ve preached before how follower counts are ridiculous to base your self worth on- and yes I still agree to that, please don’t base your self worth on follower counts. Or anyone’s! - but some of you have literally followed me since the beginning, or for a Very Long Time, if not. I may be terrible with names, but I still recognize you guys and all the kind words you’ve sent me, and I hope you guys know you helped just as much as MM was helping me.

I’m getting incoherent, but a lot of what I’m trying to say is that, this game has helped me out a shitton. That’s probably why I get so vocal about issues concerning the company- not out of a sense of ‘they owe me’ (they owe me absolutely fucking nothing), but just. It sucks seeing a game that used to be so wonderful in its prime, go so fucking downhill so fast. Customer service used to be wonderful, I remember accidentally putting down my old address for the VIP package and messaging them right after I ordered explaining I needed a change of address, and a Live Person getting back to me within the hour and fixing the issue.

Comparing that with, you know, the Four Fucking Months it took to speak to Someone Successfully about the saeran daki bullshit- then you know...Well, yeah you guys know, I’ve went off about it before.

Now it’s apparent that they’re more money hungry, with how you had to pay 900+ hgs with the recent AE stuff with V, and...hoo boy, I’m sure everyones heard enough at this point.

So, backtracking a bit because I’m chugging coffee and all incoherent, this game has brought in a lot of positives in my life. You guys, healthier distractions than what I used to do to myself, friends, creative outlets being brought back to life again. I think thats why I get so upset at the fandom, at people snapping at me for not liking some of the recent things cheritz has done- people fucking vaguetweeting me, for fucks sake, and getting so personally angry at me over how I got upset at Cheritz. Like, I’m not shitting yall, I literally lost friendships  over my opinions on cheritz.

And it sucks! Not gonna lie, like it sucks because it’s so fucking stupid. But then you take a look into the fandom- with the ongoing and constant harassment over contributors in charity zines, constant harassment over people if they like a character you don’t or vice versa, the harassment against artists concerning repostings or, god forbid, them drawing a ship you dislike- and it’s just. 

How did a game, focusing on the message of how kindness and patience can help out in so many ways, create this rabid fucking fandom?

Even content creators fight against each other. I cannot explain the bullshit I’ve seen over people being mad that they’re not on someones personal “recommended blogs to follow!” lists, over people going out of their way to harass folks because they didn’t make it on a zine, over people trying to use a follow count over why they’re much better than so and so- It’s just...Bad. All of it.

And, well. Combine Cheritz rapidly making their own game worse, in ways we all have heard about me (or others) complain about, and this terrible fandom, I think that perfectly explains why I’m uninstalling and pretty much being done with the fandom once the other stuff I’m involved in finishes.

This game brought a lot of happiness for me, and even with my recent grievances with this game, it (laughably) hurts to uninstall it. I know its ridiculous, god trusT ME i know, but it still sucks saying goodbye to something I still love, but can’t stand being around anymore. At this point, the fandom feels like an abusive ex-friend/whatever and the game used to be what good the ex had left. And now that thats getting worse...orz

I’ll always treasure the doors this game opened up for me- how it allowed me to meet amazing people, some of which I can happily say are my friends, and how it helped me become creative again, how I’ve been able to be on zines to help charities, and how I’ve been blessed to hear my writing impact people in positives ways- but here’s my sappy goodbye while I try to scrapbook the positive memories and bury the negative ones in upcoming therapy session.

If you read this far- bless yoooooou I know I sound like the damn. Crazy image of the dude with papers pinned to the wall, but I hope I made some sort of sense. Thank you!