#That compilation of all the times Monty was mean to him so good like Will just look 👀

[coconut530]

TODAY ON NEVERMORE: LITTLE GUY GOES THROUGH THE HORRORS

[rainbowdelicsunshine]

Do you have any favorite comedians?

GOD THERE ARE SOSOSO MANY ITS BONKERS!!!!!!!!!!

So I'll just have to compile a list for ya!

Robin Williams (I've been a huge fan since I was a kid and when I was 14 and saw the news that he died the way he did,,,,,, it really screwed me up and I cried that whole day,,,,,, I still have a really hard time even thinking about his death)

Katt Williams (his Ox Tail Soup bit is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in a stand up)

Jim Carrey (he's a literal living cartoon and he was my grandma's favorite actor)

Larry David (Curb your Enthusiasm is a HUGE childhood favorite of mine and it's HILARIOUS)

Sarah Silverman (do I need to explain?)

Kristen Schaal (again, do I need to explain??)

Adam Sandler (yes feel free to get your torches and pitchforks for this one)

Bill Burr (F in the Family is fucking amazing y'all)

Eddie Murphy (uhhh..... He's literally DONKEY)

Chris Rock (he's a pretty good voice actor too)

Mel Brooks (he's one the best directors and comedians of all time, he's still doing small acting roles at fucking 96 years old, he's a legend)

Andrew "Dice" Clay (he's the kind of comedian that says very messed up stuff but it's still really funny, just listen to his Little Miss Muffet bit)

Cheech and Chong (they're the best stoner duo ever)

The three guys from Workaholics

John Cleese (he's part of the Monty Python crew so,,,,,,,,)

Cloris Leechman (one of the funniest old ladies ever)

Betty White (she was a really funny old lady too)

John Goodman (he's an AMAZING voice actor, love him)

Seth Rogan and Friends (this is what I call movies that have Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and many of Seth's pals in it at once. For example: This is the End)

Adam Sandler and Friends (this is what I call pretty much every movie that has been made by Happy Madison Productions, yes feel free to sue me)

Danny Devito (,,,,,,,, little man)

John DiMaggio (Godtier voice actor)

Mike Myers (I mean, he's Shrek AND Austin Powers)

John Candy (a icon that was taken far too soon)

Seth Green (yes I like Robot Chicken stfu)

And there are many many many MANY more if you ever want to ask about specifics!

Thank you soso much for asking this, it was soso much fun to share where my sense of humor comes from for a bit!

I hope you come back soon and have an awesome evening!!

[brlankinney]

✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

[emilianopavone]

@parasympathic

As expected, Emil woke up alone, the familiar tone of his alarm finally breaking through the haze of dreams. There was a particularly pleasant one he struggled to pull himself away from, one of whispered Italian and the soft press of lips against his shoulder, and he didn’t want to wake up until he could sort out the shapes of the words into their meaning, certain that they’d disappear as soon as he opened his eyes.

Eventually he did, the words melting away with the fading in of reality, one where he needed to craft a message to a man he hoped to never see again from a man he hoped to never be again. After sending it, he called three times until he finally heard someone pick up on the other line, hanging up himself with a short follow-up message stating his text was urgent but that he wasn’t in a place he could talk. And in most ways, Dr. Lacroix’s bed was not the right place to talk to Hugo Hellström, but this morning it was merely an excuse to keep him from the added effort of tone and inflection, something he didn’t have the energy for when a few texts later he was already drifting back off to sleep.

The sun woke him up the second time, a kinder way to start the morning, but with its warmth came the contrasting chill of the long since abandoned space beside him. The one he’d ignored several hours earlier, but now turned over to stare at in a long, silent contemplation. It was cute, Monty had said, that he was worried about him, a teasing tone he’d brushed off with stubborn pride. But there was nothing cute, Emil thought now, about the way he pulled the empty sheets to his chest, nothing particularly adorable about the way he curled around them and the lingering smell of the man he knew was miles away. At a place he’d begged Emil not to go back to, the same place they’d drawn up maps for so that he could go instead. And if it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable division of skills, he spent the rest of his time in bed trying to determine how they’d come to such an idiotic conclusion.

Eventually he got up, tied to some sense of obligation to make good on a series of promises from the night before. To clean up the mess he’d made of the man’s coffee table and maybe even find something useful in all the papers he’d strewn across it. It was difficult work to focus on at first, not helped much by the cup of coffee in his hands when it was its own distracting tangent of memories. It was how most of the hours passed, moving through the motions of productivity while constantly tripping over nostalgia. Washing the dishes and getting lost in the reflection of a pair of glasses, flipping through a notebook for scrap paper only to get caught up in the details of what was already written, and moving from counter to couch to eventually the floor, finding it the one place he could spread out his mess of papers without feeling the sharp absence in the seat beside him.

It was some time past lunch--a mix of leftovers he tried to consolidate in his fridge--that Emiliano felt like he’d finally made progress. His old pages of notes were all collected into two neat piles, one for the pages he’d fully stripped of all their useful information and one for those he needed to work over again. The notebook in front of him was now filled with that useful information, compiled by category, starred and annotated for priority, and with at least a few more dots connected. It wasn’t done by any means, and he was already sifting through the unfinished pages to pour over them again, but it was a start. Something more useful he hoped to show for the anxious afternoon than just the crumpled sheets left balled up in Montgomery’s bed.

[matt0044]

“Now I’ll show you furry power!”

Anyways, our episode begins properly with in media res with the Dino Fury Megazord‘s Blade Formation against one Doomsnake. It’s a story structure rarely seen these days but one that I welcome since it breaks up the usual “slice-of-life antics interrupted by monsters” routine that tends to be the norm.

Add to that, it gives us the sense that this is just yet another day in the life of the Rangers as they fight the usual Sporix after but a few episodes in. It also leads to a pretty effective introduction to the next beast. Wolfgang uses his sonic bombardment as a means to disassemble the Megazord without even going big. This allows Mucus to go off and collect Doomsnake in his dormancy.

The Rangers bail in order to assess the situation when a poorly CGI bird flutters in and reveals himself to be... Mic Kanic. Yep, the objectively best character of Ninja Steel next to Victor and Monty has graced us with his eccentricity once again with Kelson Henderson going full ham. As the only person on Earth who liked Ninja Steel, I feel validated like nobody’s business.

It seems that Mic’s been quite the busy bee during Beast Morphers as he’s been getting selfies with over forty Rangers from all over the universe. I’m guessing some of them had “new powers” so to speak but it’s a damn shame we didn’t see if Kelson Henderson did get selfies with past actors for his return.

However, Mic’s also been on the lookout for the Ninja Nexus Prism’s current whereabouts and tracking it back to Earth. I love that they’re following Beast Morphers’ lead by casually reintroducing concepts from past seasons to tie them into the here and now. It’s still self-contained enough to not need to’ve seen Ninja Steel but might give some who missed out a moment to consider it.

Seriously, I feel like that season deserves a bit more of a reevaluation.

Needless to say, Zayto is quick to dismiss the idea of a semi-sentient floating piece of pressurized rock as an ancient alien warrior who fought on dinosaurs. Then again, he’s still pretty miffed that the zords got taken apart like Legos. It doesn’t get much better when Mucus overhears their little chat about the prism.

Later at BuzzBlast, Jane is hosting a baking stream with a totally real cake that’s totally not a prop when Mic sneaks in a delivered package to use their computers. I loved that Dino Fury is getting a lot more millage out of his shapeshifting compared to Ninja Steel where they wouldn’t “forget” but never really utilize since he and Redbot were the Alphas, forging up stars in the base.

J-Borg exposes Mic before he can use their database for any Ninja Nexus Prism sightings but he shape-shifts into a ball and bounces all over the place. Three guesses at to what he knocks right into Jane. It seems she choose the wrong day to make one of Chase’s exploding cakes from New Zealand. Way too bold. He makes a clean getaway from BuzzBlast only for one Wolfgang to corner him.

The Rangers assemble in time and give Mic a chance to become a toy race car. Methinks they were using old stuff they found in the garage for filming. It turns out the Wolfgang’s sonic bombardment can neutralize the Boost Key armaments the girls use. They decide to soon retreat with Mic back to HQ fast.

While Void Knight channels his inner Lord Zedd, Mic gives a rundown on the Ninja Nexus Prism itself with a data pack filled to the brim with Power Rangers history. I’m guessing that either he compiled it from Grid Battleforce’s archives or he’s the one who helped them with Ranger history. I sort of wish they used more clips of Ninja Steel to tease new viewers of past teams and their battles.

Solon helps to locate the prism’s location on their mapping system and sends the Rangers out to confirm its location. All the while, Mic decides to plan ahead by going into the kitchen. Kelson Henderson is clearly having a blast with the character’s constant gesticulations like he’s a YouTuber doing his DIY videos. :)

The Rangers find the Ninja Nexus Prism seemingly scanning the lake for something. Zayto decides to step up and engage his Rafkonian antennae in order to probe the prism’s memories. It’s hear where we get the origins of the Ninja Steel powers... two seasons after its finale. Better late than never I guess.

I kid though. I love that we’re getting new details of a past season by way of Zayto learning that the Morphin’ Masters of old created the Ninja Nexus Prism. In fact, they forged the Energems of Dino Charge as well as the Dino Gems from Dino Thunder from the visuals given. Now that’s good diagetic fanservice.

We even get brief clips of Ninja Steel’s Levi getting his Power Star followed up by Beast Morpher’s Steel in his final moments trying to stop Evox. I guess this means that the Masters brought him back to life as human when the Morph-X returned to the Grid. Previous plot contrivance now solved or more convoluted?

You make the call!

Boomtower and Wolfgang crash the party only for the Prism to NOPE right into the water. The Rangers find themselves pinned under barrels and boxes while Wolfgang’s sonic attack threatens to bring down the cliff on them. Thankfully, Mic’s Ninja Power Star throw hasn’t gotten rusty as he arrives and throws a treat into the mouth, making their foe sound like Eddy after Rolf’s pimple cure.

With no other option, Wolfgang grows before Boomtower taps into his residual Sporix power-up to gain a few inches himself. The Rangers pull out their Megazord’s Warrior Formation where all of their Zords combine. We even get a cool finisher that finishes off Boomtower where holograms of the other formations get a hit in. Are we sure that Judd Lynn isn’t still on the writing team?

Bye-Bye, Boomer. Hope you get rebuilt as another Ryusoulger villain soon.

While Mucus catches Boomtower’s Sporix, the Rangers manage to finish off Wolfgang with a weird edit of what was obviously an impalement. That Sporix Izzy catches by cutting off Mucus. Void Knight is temperamental over such a mixed bag of a day until he goes into his secret chamber and reveals to us his long lost love stuck in stasis. It’s clear that the Sporix’re all meant to revive her.

Hang on a second.

A villain with a violet color scheme utilizing a hero’s power and initially working alone in seeking out a specific source of power that can revive his love. Why’s it that I feel that Keith Silverstein would be voicing this guy if production still outsourced voice over to Los Angeles? Hell, I would be shocked if the Gold Ranger was his secret son and loved cheese a lot. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Back at the base, the Rangers fill in for the Jays by ending the episode with some of Mic’s initial prototypes for his No Howl Treats. Either that or the ADR director forgot everybody’s recordings and had to resort to random noise in their sound library. Solon fixes it by bursting everybody’s eardrums. As you do.

Sadly, Mr. Kanic has Prisms to pursue and catches his Space Taxi back to the Lion Galaxy where he might open a steakhouse. I really hope they can adapt next Kyuranger if only to see the team stop by for a meal. Then again, Hasbro needs to sort out their Super Sentai problem before things get a little bit uglier.

[myfangirllists]

Fanfiction List (USUK)

A compilation of my favorite USUK works!

Completed and uncompleted

Dead Ringer by Fire_Bear

Arthur is having lunch with a co-worker when a couple pass by and tell him he looks exactly like the man an entire art exhibition is based on. Dragged to the gallery, he finds not only some amazing art but also someone he has not seen in years...

Type: One shot

-

Keep Quiet by AkaiShinda (orphan_account)

Starting from a prompt. After being saved by a stranger, Arthur is waken by his savior; a young man with an unusual mission in the evenings and who protects him even from himself in a surprisingly natural, tender way. They don't know each other, but Alfred is determined to help him in recovery. After getting to know him slightly better Arthur is dazed to realize, Alfred's personality is the unification of enigmas and on the other side, pure and clear intentions. He can't help but stick around and carefully mend the pieces together... only to find entirely new purposes to live for.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Incomplete

-

The Languages of Love by merakily (fengbi)

Arthur and Alfred first meet as university students in a coffee shop. This is how they came to spend their lives together.

Type: One shot 

-

From Me To You by a_forgotten_note

After going through three several years of schooling, Alfred comes to the startling realization that he had no plans after college. Without much else to go for, he enrolls in the military for four years of initial deployment. But Afghanistan becomes very lonely very quick... In hopes of rekindling an old friendship, Alfred writes to his old college roommate. The only question is: will their letters relieve his homesickness, or will it only become worse?

Type: One shot

-

A Week in a Hotel by bluekujira

This is a fanfiction I wrote for my friend (zombiepurplefox on tumblr) based off a prompt she sent me!

I apologize for any errors I did go back an edit this but I still might have missed stuff!

Also I changed the prompt slightly. Instead of living together they stay in a hotel together.

The Prompt: 'You live in the apartment above me and your water pipes burst and is flooding into my apartment and you can hear me yelling so you come down to my apartment to see what's going on and witness me standing in my kitchen/bathroom/whatever, holding an umbrella, screaming at the water pouring out of my ceiling and crying because I have no idea what to do and we both just kinda stand there in shock as my stuff gets ruined and you let me crash at your place til my place gets fixed cause you feel bad' (CREDIT TO shittemore on tumblr for this prompt)

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Complete

-

Forever Mine by anon posted at hetalia_kink

Dating a serial killer!AU. Arthur was attacked by a serial killer on the bus on his way home.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Complicated Shadow by Ellarose C  

The US government's witness protection program has never had a witness die while under its protection. After innocent civilian Arthur Kirkland witnesses a murder ordered by the Vargas mob, will a hero's protection be enough to keep the record clean?

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

♡ Cuckoo in the Nest by PennyLane

Human AU. Arthur is a famous novelist in hiding from the paparazzi after he is publicly humiliated when he is left standing at the altar. Alfred is the very competent personal assistant hired by Arthur’s agent to keep him hidden and safe while he completes his newest novel, the novel that just might change all their lives. [Previous Spain/England relationship.]

Type: One Shot

-

American in America by Ferrero13 

America, being America, says something he should've known better than to say in his own airport, whereupon he is taken in for questioning and finds it very difficult to explain why this particular nineteen-year-old seems to be as politically active as the President himself.

Type: One Shot

-

Work Your Magic by PixieDust291

Arthur is a wizard who's being forced into an arranged marriage despite his protests. Though, it seems he is saved by a magical Scottish fold named Iggy. With Iggy as his familiar Arthur finds himself not only falling in love with a human but also surrounded by a sea of lies and deception. When nothing else makes sense, what can one believe to be the truth?

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Divination's Greatest Flaw by rae1112

Arthur Kirkland, master of Divination, fancied himself a prophetic matchmaker. His best friends would agree...if only he could make a prophetic match for himself.

Pottertalia.

Type: Two Shot

-

Day One by mandathegreat

“Day One: My name is Arthur Kirkland, and I am currently in Atlanta, Georgia. I am recording myself, and my experiences, because—well, I don’t know. I think it’s the end of the world—“

Arthur and Alfred meet at the end of the world. They are going to have to learn to survive.

USUK Walking Dead AU

Type: One Shot

-

A Proof of Diplomacy by orphan_account 

“If you leave me, I’ll kill you. I could kill you here and now.”

After the war, in his most vulnerable years, Arthur, or Great Britain, is at his most dishonest. He lies to himself more than anyone. Apart from Alfred, the United States, perhaps. He lies when he says that he doesn't believe Alfred's lies and hopes, his beautiful, beautiful lies.

Type: One Shot

-

Standing In Your Heart by amine  

"Arthur had gone from spending the afternoons with his friend to having his magical training increased tenfold. Warlocks would be needed to ensure that Spades maintained the upper hand in the war, and the Kirkland family had a long tradition of powerful magic. Arthur hadn’t complained and had instead thrown himself into his studies so as to be an asset to the new king. His love for the kingdom of his birth demanded it.

More than that, his love for Alfred demanded it."

Type: One Shot

-

Communication is Key by inkwells_writing

Arthur had good friends he supposed.

But right now, Arthur hated them. They were just trying to be nice, but really. They thought he was single, and that he had been single for a very long time. And yes, he had been single for two years before he started dating Alfred, but he was now in a three month-long relationship. A three-month long happy relationship. A three-month long happy, and sadly, secret relationship.

They just had to go and set him up on a bloody blind date. Arthur just had no idea how he was going to tell his boyfriend.

Type: One Shot

-

Hospital Flowers by hoshiko2kokoro  

A firefighter has done more than just save Arthur's life. He's giving him a whole new perspective on life.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Where The Most Beautiful Roses Grow by fakiagirl  

Arthur moves into a quiet American suburb with the intention of starting a new, calmer chapter of his life. It doesn't take long for him to meet Alfred, one of his new neighbors. Little does he know that this is a place where romance can bloom.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

A Distance of 3000 Miles by fakiagirl  

5000 kilometers; the distance between their two closest shores. A safe distance, close enough that they can see each other occasionally, but far enough away that neither of them will ever get hurt again. Then, one summer, Alfred visits. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

♡ Starships by PixieDust291  

Blind and held prisoner, Arthur finds himself at the mercy of Alfred, a space pirate with a truly curious crew. Alfred is determined to seduce Arthur, and Arthur fears his resolve won't last. His duty is clear, but so is his desire. As the days tick by Arthur begins to question what loyalty means. He begins to realize that being a prisoner may actually set him free. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Look to the Future Now, It's Only Just Begun by Teenage Mouse  

Pottertalia. Arthur and Alfred are paired up to read each other's love fortunes in Divination class. Naturally, they're both too obvlious to realise that the signs are pointing to each other. 

Type: One Shot

-

♡ We'll Meet Again by George deValier  

WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred's charms... just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Keep Smiling Through by George deValier   

'We'll Meet Again' mini-sequel. Keep smiling through, just like you always do; 'til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away! USUK

Type: One Shot

-

♡ Pointblank by worldaccordingtofangirls  

WWII AU: Arthur is a gifted volunteer doctor. Alfred is a bomber pilot. Love strikes us pointblank, right between the eyes, in the most inconvenient of places. The battlefield is no exception.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Man's Best Friends by Inkblooded Witch  

Monty doesn't consider himself a needy sort of cat. He and his human have an understanding of how things work, and Monty was under the impression that part of this understanding included a 'No Dogs' rule. So he's not best pleased when his human finds a mate that has one of the beasts.

Mostly pet POV, USUK on the side. Experimental slice-of-life style, be nice! :)

Type: One Shot

-

Smart Pranks by SillyKwado  

Alfred and Arthur were famous throughout the school for not getting along. Even though the two history teachers and had to set an example for the students, they still ended up resorting to petty pranks and arguments. For some reason, the two always found something to argue about or a new way to rile the other up. But perhaps there's a deeper meaning to the pranks and insults…

Type: One Shot

[funface2]

Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews

He’s a mainstay of long-running panel show Have I Got News For You, and now funny-man Paul Merton is on a mission to unearth long-lost ancestors as part of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are?

To celebrate the quick-quipper’s nearly 40-year career, we’ve compiled almost as many of his best jokes and one-liners from his work on HIGNFY and beyond.

“I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Angus Deayton: “And did you chat with the Queen Mother?” Paul Merton: “We talked about you.” Angus Deayton: “No, you didn’t.” Paul Merton: “Yes, we did.” Angus Deayton: “What did she say about me?” Paul Merton: “I’ve never heard such language in all my life.”

“I’ll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I’ve never got over it.”

“If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.”

“I don’t consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.”

Ian Hislop: “And they’re behind Theresa May like Stormtroopers!” Paul Merton: “You’re having one of your turns again, Ian! You asked us to tell you when it happens! His nose bleeds when he has to deal with Popular Culture…”

“I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other’s post.”

(Photo: BBC)

“Every story ever written’s in the Dictionary! You just have to put the words in the right order.”

“Gromit is one of the great silent comedians. He’s up there with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. He may even be above them, because he’s still working.”

Sean Lock: “Only 2% of people go to church in this country.” Paul Merton: “And they’re priests!”

Jacob Rees-Mogg: “We know the plan! We are going to leave the EU! Brexit means Brexit!” Paul Merton: “That’s the Aim! What’s the plan?”

“My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past 25 years.”

“All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds – I can’t stand Noel Edmonds.”

“Bono was up on stage saying ‘Every time I click my fingers, a child dies!’ and someone yelled ‘Well, stop clicking your fingers, then!’”

“The first Underground station ever opened was Baker Street in 1906. What was the point of that? Where would you go?”

[On Chris Evans] “He’s got the look of a comedian but without the talent or the writing ability or the timing.”

(Photo: Getty)

“On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn’t, he said: ‘Do you mind if I mug you here?’”

Clive Anderson: “Do you still live in Islington as well, Boris?” Boris Johnson: “Partly, yes.” Paul Merton: “I don’t think you live on the planet Earth, never mind Islington!”

“It’s amazing how many people think they’ve got dignity to lose, isn’t it?”

[On the Queen at Harry and Meghan’s reception] “She’ll have a footman chucking cheesy Wotsits at her.”

“Am I the only one who’s always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?”

“My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her.”

“Anne Widdecombe is the Odd One Out because she’s the only one holding a Decapitated Barn Owl.”

“There are various ways to give up smoking – nicotine patches, nicotine gum. My auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning.”

Frankie Boyle: “A new Superbreed of Sex-Mad, Sleepless Slugs has arrived from Spain.” Paul Merton: “Ah, an Alliterative Threat!”

(Photo: BBC)

“My hair’s got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette…”

[On reading the A to Z] “Can’t wait to see what happens at the end. The characters aren’t up to much but the places, they seem so real.”

“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’”

“Mugabe is a Yorkshireman in reverse. Because his name is Ee by gum backwards. 37 years waiting for that laugh…”

“You’ve heard of Sheep gambolling in the meadows, well it was Poker they were playing!”

Paul Merton: “He doesn’t look old enough to have been a Milkman for 50 years!” Host: “They start them very young there. As soon as you can reach the udder, you’re away.” Paul Merton: “That’s not just Milkmen. For many people, that’s a good night out!”

“It’s silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit.”

Paul Merton: “There are other reasons for squinting in bed, of course.” Angus Deayton: “Such as?” Paul Merton: “Use your imagination, Angus! We’d send out a search party for it, but they’d never come back!”

“Michael Gove! That is how a man dresses when his wife doesn’t see him leaving the house.”

(Photo: BBC)

Host: “But who would have loved to have been there? Justin O’ Schmidt!” Paul Merton: “Did the vicar drop him at the Baptism?”

“I’ve never been disappointed by politicians. I’ve never invested that much in them in the first place.”

More jokes:

38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

And some hilarious quotes:

29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes

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Bài viết Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/paul-mertons-36-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-from-have-i-got-news-for-you-inews/

[alwaysaprille]

Anyway...

I’m back for my regularly scheduled “April Attempts to Break Down the Trailer” post. This will be a long post (obviously) as I like to do these frame by frame. I’m going to be honest, I thought the trailer was good, but also that it lacked a certain punch. I’m pretty sure this is mostly due to the fact that nothing actually new was revealed, but we’ll continue on with the speculation (This will be a two parter btw):

Our opening shot is a barren wasteland, lots of dirt and sand and hot sun, with a lone figure walking across the screen:

The first lines are “Bellamy, I doubt you can hear me on this piece of crap radio....” which (in my opinion) confirms the theory that Clarke has been sending her radio communications almost exclusively to Bellamy and Bellamy alone.

We hear lots of bits about Clarke’s time alone on Earth, but some of the opening narration we’ve heard before (in the S4 finale), which leads me to believe that these are VARIOUS lines taken from multiple radio broadcasts.

Here we’re given our first of (many) parallels with the line: “Please don’t feel bad about leaving me, you did what you had to do.” Reminiscent of Bellamy telling Clarke the same thing around the fire after their 2x05 reunion.

I’m a big fan of this shot of Bellamy. It appears that he is alone (although we can’t see around the corner so this could be misleading). I’ve stated numerous times over the course of the hiatus that I’m really excited to see Bellamy’s development as a leader and I think a part of that is bearing the weight of that leadership alone (even if you don’t have to). I like the idea of a story line where we really get to see Bellamy as a leader (alone) and what that means for him-in both a negative and positive light.  (I’m also a fan of the fact that both Clarke and Bellamy are wearing blue shirts here)

As I suspected, this image:

overlayed with the words “By now Monty should have the algae farm producing, how bad does it suck.”, confirms that they’re not mourning anything but their taste buds and good food.

I wonder if this is the moment that Clarke found “Eden”. Terrible CGI aside, it is nice to look at.

The following two images are some of my favorite of the trailer:

This one I love simply because of the symbolism found in the fact that Bellamy’s page is the only one (that we see) that has come free of it’s bindings. This typically means that someone has spent a long time looking at or manipulating that particular page in a book. I wonder who that could be.

This one I enjoy because it confirms that Clarke didn’t just tell Madi the fairy tale we heard in the S5 Sizzle Reel, she also created the book. These four images taken together tell a story in almost chronological order, Octavia in her war paint with her sword at her back as she prepares to begin the conclave, Bellamy as he looked when he chastised Clarke and Jaha for considering cheating, Octavia after she won the conclave and created “Wonkru” and that last page is a bit unclear, but it’s Clarke running into Becca’s lab as the Death Wave approaches. I can’t help but wonder if Clarke didn’t draw a scene for every part of the 8 months she spent with her friends and family on the ground.

I don’t know if anyone has pointed this out, but in this shot you can clearly see the small patch of green where Clarke and Madi reside, and it makes my heart a little warm to know that Clarke’s friends are looking at the place where she lives even if none of them recognize the significance of it.

The lines over this scene:

“We should light up the ring so they can see us.”/”First we find out who they are and then we ask them for help.” confirm what a lot of you all have been saying from the start, Eligius and SS7 arrive together. If that is indeed the case, then this sets us up for a Clarke and SS7 reunion no later than Episode 2. I’m also a fan of Raven and Emori in the back near the computers, and the general blocking of this scene (with Bellamy to the front and centered-showing that he’s the leader).

The Eligius ship is HUGE. A lot bigger than I thought it would be when we originally saw it coming in for landing in S4. There are probably a lot more people than we expected to be in that behemoth.

 My man Zeke makes his first appearance in the trailer (but not his first appearance in my heart), and we can tell there’s already some division between his ideals and those of the apparent leader of Eligius, Charmaine. She’s certain they have to go to war to maintain their piece of green and Zeke doesn’t understand why they have to go to war at all.

These next to screencaps are posted out of the order in which they appear, but that’s because I believe this is their actual episode order, i.e. I think several of the scenes in this trailer are from the same episode and these particular scenes fit into a certain order that’s undeniable (this part compiled with the help of @octanakin ):

We see a shot of a small white craft heading towards a spot labeled “Docking Bay A”. I believe the craft contains several members of SS7 and they are docking on the Eligius. Recall Bellamy’s earlier line about figuring out who they were and asking if they can help? It seems they get right on that and physically head over to the Eligius.

This is definitely Bellamy entering the Eligius ship. Note that he’s not wearing a suit, and his face is not bruised here. 

We have a moment that matches this scene:

Raven and Echo have joined Bellamy outside of the rocket. They’re clearly in an airlock, and Echo has pulled her knife, so she must see something threatening or at least wants to be prepared. 

This scene is next:

I think Bellamy’s line about “Clarke didn’t die so that we could get back to the ground and make the same mistakes.” probably comes after someone in the group expresses doubt about trusting Eligius. I say this because the largest issue over the previous seasons was that it was always someone vs someone else. Grounders Vs. Arkadians Vs. Mt. Weather Vs. The Planet. Maybe Bellamy thinks it might be wise to try to work with people instead of against them. 

Then this shot is likely next:

I imagine they’re exploring the ship and find at least 30 Eligius prisoners in sleeping pods, with Echo saying: “What happens when these guys get to the ground.” implying that they’ve perhaps wandered into something they shouldn’t have or that everything isn’t what it seems. 

Murphy saying “What the hell, let’s be good guys” to Echo and Bellamy here could be in space or on the ground, although I’m leaning towards space because of the outfits and locations. So perhaps after they realize Eligius is up to no good, they decide to sabotage that somehow which leads to: 

Bellamy is fighting for his life here, he’s definitely on the Eligius ship, but he’s no longer wearing his jacket. So I’m thinking they initially believe everything is all good with Eligius, stumble across the cryo pods, Echo being the spy she is realizes this is literally a sleeping army, a Trojan Horse if you will, and then everyone else is like...”Oh, shit!” 

A continuation of the fight here, this is definitely Echo as she’s the only one wearing short/cap sleeves and she’s slashing him with something (probably the knife she pulled in the beginning of the episode). 

This tragically blurry snap of Murphy and Raven running is also in Eligius, so I imagine this is about the time they also realize something is just..not right.

Here we have Murphy, strangely  not wearing a jacket (but carrying a bookbag) telling Emori (or maybe the whole group) “See you on the other side.” (Nice Jasper shoutout here).

Emori looks understandably worried, and you can see that she’s wearing the orange suit, while Echo (and someone else, likely Raven) put on their suits, on Emori’s other side are Monty and Harper, both already in their black suits.

And that means that the above shot, with only 5 figures in it, one piloting (likely Raven), another copiloting (likely Emori), two black garbed figures sitting closely together (Harper and Monty) and one figure behind Raven) are heading to Earth, without Murphy and Bellamy.

Now, we’re going outside of the trailer and to a picture JRoth posted a while ago:

Bellamy is bruised here, they’re still on Eligius and he’s wearing the same shirt he was wearing in the scene with Raven and in the fight. Murphy is wearing his jacket again, so I’m wondering if  they managed to make piece with Eligius by keeping the leader of SS7 and Murphy volunteered to stay (here I’m thinking of Richard saying that Bellamy might be Murphy’s one real friend). 

Which leads me to believe that Clarke’s first glimpse of Bellamy will actually be relatively early on in the Season perhaps episode 1 or 2, through the scope of her rifle, as he exits the Eligius ship as a prisoner, similar to this shot:

This ends Part 1! Part 2 coming in a few hours!!!

[tifarobles]

My first Super Mario Party!

I’d heard of the amazingness of this game for years before I’d ever had the chance to play it. To be honest, I haven’t played a lot of any Nintendo games since the original PlayStation released. I’d grown up on the classics - Super Mario Bros 1-3 and Super Mario World. I even loved the mini-game in Super Mario Bros 3, which I later realized was the original Mario Bros arcade game. 

I’d been told that Mario Party combined these lovable characters from the franchise, adorable art, and a board game! What’s not to love? However, I’d also heard that this game can ruin friendships, much like New Super Mario Bros on the Wii. I also knew that “board game” in this sense was more like a luck based game, not the high-level strategy games that have my heart forever. 

When Super Mario Party came out on the Switch, I was excited to try it out with Mike. We hadn’t gamed together in a while (yay parenthood!) and I had great memories of playing Yoshi's Woolly World together when I was pregnant. I was thrilled to check out this style of game for the first time and Mike was thrilled to experience this first with me. 

I enjoyed it enough that we invited friends over to play with us and I even had a couple friends over to play it on my birthday! I’m a big fan of the game. Now that I’ve now played it a few times with friends, I have a lot of opinions to share. 

If you are interested, Mike and I did a playthrough dressed as Mario & Peach. It was pretty fun! Note: Peach is NOT a favorite character of mine, but I was able to represent one of the longest standing ladies in video games. Plus, I couldn’t find a reasonably priced Rosalina costume in time... 

1) Losing sucks. It’s (almost) completely luck based when it happens and I kind of feel like every game picks one player to really beat up on. In our first game, poor Monty Mole kept having the worst luck. He was an NPC in our game, but I felt terrible for him. Since then, I feel like I had the same curse twice. It’s not fun when this happens. 

2) The individual die of each character is by far my favorite feature of this game. It does make it feel less luck based when you get to decide what your secondary die is. For those who are unaware, each character has a unique die with a different compilation of 6 numbers or actions that you can roll. You still have standard 1-6 die, but you can also select to roll this unique die.

My absolute favorite is Rosalina. Her die is +2 +2  2  3  4  8, which means you have a 1/3 chance of getting 2 gold when you roll, or you will roll a 2, 3, 4, or 8. Rolling 8 rocks and there is no downside on this die. Some dice make you lose coins or have straight up 0s that you can roll and I much prefer something that feels positive every turn. 

One of the best things about these dice is that each person can pick a character whose die is perfect for their play style. It adds to the “strategy” of the game and makes it feel like you are making a choice that matters. 

3) This game is MUCH better with friends. It’s more fun to laugh at friend’s misfortunes and to win together as a team with real people. Don’t get me wrong, I have a blast playing just Mike and me, but this game is meant for parties. 

4) The art is SO CUTE! With updated graphics, these lovable characters are more adorable than ever. I love Toadette’s cutie braids, Rosalina is beautiful, Yoshi is as cute as ever, even Bowser Junior, Koopa, and Dry Bones are super adorable. The maps feature awesome upgraded art from the original games tying into that emotional nostalgia from youth in the best way. This makes just watching the game enjoyable. 

5) Whomp’s Domino Ruins is an amazing map for beginner players. It has fewer feel bads than some of the other maps, is very generous, and the movement of the board when you hit an event space makes you care about your decisions as the board changes. 

6) Golden Dice are the best! +5 to any roll. This isn’t game breaking good, but it still rocks and can be used to help get a Star if you use it with correct timing and skill. 

7) Golden Warp Pipes are broken AF. You basically get a Star on your next turn, every time. 

8) Allies are really awesome, but having more than one is unfair. With Allies, you not only get a 1-2 bonus for every die roll, but you also get the choice to use their special, unique die. You can have up to 4 Allies, which means having 6 dice to choose from and getting a minimum of +4 to any die roll and as much as a +8. That’s ridiculous and frustrating to play against. 

9) High fives are a really cute feature, even if I look like a fool while I frantically wave the controller around while I try to give one. I think it’s cool that you get bonus points for high fiving your team. 

10) Teaming up with NPCs in mini-games is the worst. They act erratically and it feels like a disadvantage. This is another reason why I HIGHLY recommend that you play with friends. It’s way more fun. 

11) I love the Paparazzi mini-game! It’s so cute and fun to play. There are SO MANY mini-games. I still don’t think we’ve seen them all. It’s really awesome how many there are and how diverse the variety of games are. Some are very skill based, some reward you for having quick reflexes, some reward you for having a good memory, and some are kind of random and silly. It’s really great to have such a variety of games inside one game! 

12) This is more of a critique for the original concept of winning Stars. It should be One-Up Mushrooms that everyone is chasing after and fighting over, not Stars. Stars aren’t even that great. They don’t last that long and you still die if you fall off a cliff. If you want me to care about something, make it a sweet One-Up Mushroom. Also, I always pictured these delicious mushrooms tasting like spearmint, which only makes me want them that much more. 

Whether this is your 10th Mario Party game or your first, I hope you get the chance to check out this game! It’s super fun. And don’t get too hurt if you lose - remember this: if you win it was 100% because of your choices and if you lose it was 100% bad luck. 

[projectalbum]

Radio songs. 189. “Green,” 190. “Out of Time,” 191. “Automatic for the People,” 192. “Monster,” 193. “New Adventures in Hi-Fi" by R.E.M.

For R.E.M., signing to Warner Bros Records meant reaching more people, in the U.S. and abroad. It meant a bigger promotional push behind their albums.

It meant an exponential increase in their touring schedule, to the point where all four were pretty burned out by the idea after being on the road for most of ’88-’89. But for me, it was a move that meant my favorite music in existence was allowed to sprout from the fertile loam of commercialism.

If you’ll remember from my previous post, it was a compilation of songs from the WB era that first made me a fan. And it was the first few albums under that banner that made R.E.M. superstars, i.e. a band established enough that I would be aware of them growing up. It’s hard for me to grasp the amount of R.E.M. saturation that existed from roughly ’88 - ’94. By the time I was humming “What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?” and “Orange Crush” in high school, it was 2005 and the band’s incandescence had faded to the soft, respectable glow of “Dad Rock.” They were hipper than the Billy Joel & Electric Light Orchestra discs that they had replaced in my repertoire, but as far as my peers were concerned, barely. 

The first Christmas after I had announced myself as a fan brought, in shiny happy gift wrapping, Green (#189) and Out Of Time (#190). A veritable Mandolin-apalooza: in the campfire folk trance of “You Are The Everything,” mournful character study “The Wrong Child,” and midnight hippie spiritual “Hairshirt” that are scattered through the mix of Green, and powering the über-hit that secured their legacy, “Losing My Religion,” on Out Of Time. My relationship to those tracks has dipped and risen through the years— I was much less open to strange acoustic explorations back then (or in the case of “LMR,” its overfamiliarity), so I tended to skip them. I grooved on the electric menace of “Turn You Inside-Out” and the poptimism of “Untitled.”

“World Leader Pretend,” in which all the band’s instruments, including Stipe’s voice, seemed tuned to a lower register than ever before (now THAT’S some counter-programming to the bubblegum of “Stand”), has become a God-level composition in my mind. It’s gained some resurgence recently, seen as a pointed critique of the venal and power-hungry who are obsessed with controlling geopolitical barriers. "I raised the wall / And I will be the one to knock it down,” the protagonist intones, and yeah, “the Wall” has a connotation for current events in 2018, as it did 30 years ago (roughly a year after the album’s release, Berlin’s concrete schism was demolished). But I hear the divided self in “World Leader Pretend”: the man erecting the walls of his own isolation chamber, shoring up his fragile ego against outer pain, denying the possibility for connection. "I decree a stalemate, I divine my deeper motives / I recognize the weapons / I've practiced them well, I fitted them myself.” In other words, I hear myself.

Fortunately, he concludes that it’s within his power to level these barriers he's constructed, and I feel I can learn the same lesson. There’s a triumphant slide guitar in the bridge, an iconically Country-Western flavor that the band returns to on one of the most indelible tracks on Out of Time— the descriptively-titled “Country Feedback.” Heartache on an epic scale, deliberate, hypnotic tempo but bubbling like a volcano, the words a stream-of-consciousness chant over Peter Buck’s searching electric guitar and Mike Mills funereal organ. “It’s crazy what you could have had,” Stipe laments, his voice rising, and then, “I need this. I need this.” Is it the confession that he needs, or the connection slipping away from his grasping fingers? He’s called it his favorite song in the band’s canon; they’ve performed it with Neil Young providing the wailing guitar counterpart, like a Dead Man end credits song that never happened, and there’s a clever mashup on the Unplugged set that bowled me over (I’ll mention it when I get there).

The acoustic arrangements and sonic experimentation continued on Automatic for the People (#191), with a purge of the bubblegum (“The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite” is a notable exception, but for a goof, it’s gorgeous.) Much has been made of the album’s apparent preoccupation with mortality and loss. For sure, there's the straight-forward teen suicide deterrent “Everybody Hurts,” predating It Gets Better by a couple decades; “Sweetness Follows,” about the steady, plodding journey through mourning, and the peaceful plateau you can reach; “Monty Got A Raw Deal,” a steely Western ballad inspired in part by the tortured, bisexual film actor Montgomery Clift. But it’s a hopeful album, not a dour slog.

To me, the common thread is The Past: that personal history that’s less about the agreed-upon facts and more about the feelings tied to events, coloring your reminiscence. “Drive,” the darkly insinuating opening track, takes inspiration for its rhythmic Beat poetry vocal from David Essex's “Rock On,” a song that Stipe might have heard as a teenager, one that itself looks back a further 20 years to the birth of rock n’roll. Add the string arrangement by rock royalty, John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, and it’s nostalgia brined in nostalgia.

We’re looking at the reflection of the old photograph as caught by the passing streetlights: several layers of removal from the events. But in looking back, our feelings strike us clearer than whatever life we’ve built for ourselves in the interim; we’re still dwelling on whatever innocence we think we’ve lost. "I have seen things that you will never see / Leave it to memory me,” are the parting words of a person at the end of their life in “Try Not To Breathe” (often in the running for my favorite R.E.M. recording). "I will try not to burden you,” they promise, holding in secrets of a time gone by in hopes that the listener will forge a new path.

“Find The River,” which draws the book to a close with accordion and harmonizing voices, is another in a line of R.E.M. songs drawing on the river as a symbol of lost harmony. In youthful exuberance, there was “Nightswimming,” but "The ocean is the river's goal / A need to leave the water knows,” and time moves inexorably forward. The past feeds into the unfathomable depths of the future. Automatic for the People draws its title from the slogan at a soul food joint in the band’s hometown. It’s that sense of their own history, 8 records in and on top of the world, that merges with their innate creative restlessness, compelling them to shoot off in a new direction.  “I have got to leave to find my way."

This fuels their mission statement with each album since the WB era began: “Let’s write songs that don’t sound like ‘R.E.M. songs.’” If Automatic is self-reflective, Monster (#192) is about adopted personas. The sound of a middle-aged Art Rock band pretending to be a 20-something Glam Rock band, adding more neon and guitar distortion and posturing than you can shake a Mott The Hoople at. “What can I make myself be? (Faker!)” 

The video for “Crush With Eyeliner” furthers that sense of playful irony: the band members pushed off to the corner of the bar as a new generation, from a different cultural background, expresses the song for them. The entire radioactive orange LP kind of encapsulates every messy teenage feeling I've had since high school. I'm still a "faker," pretending to sing this song. And looking good doing it. (Though, full disclosure, the first time I did karaoke I went with “Bang and Blame.” I don’t mind telling you I nailed it.)

Monster is marked by the most prevalent sexual overtones in R.E.M. canon, as if they were embracing that self-aware Rock Star trope. It’s hard to get more on the nose than the title “Star 69,” but “I Don’t Sleep, I Dream” wins the prize with “Are you coming to ease my headache? / Do you give good head? / Am I good in bed?” As the public debated Michael Stipe’s sexuality, he parried the question in the press and played with his image in the lyrics. The topic of his “Crush” is gendered “she,” giving hetereos like myself plenty to appropriate for our own impossible Cool Girl daydreams— never mind that it’s an ode to his friend Courtney Love. “King of Comedy” addresses a legion of Rupert Pupkins getting their big shot by whatever means necessary, but it also contains the lyric "I'm straight, I'm queer, I'm bi,” a few years before he revealed publicly where the needle pointed on that dial for him. “Tongue” is a lilting, falsetto performance: piano-driven cabaret written for a female protagonist lamenting her inconsiderate lovers. More masks for a closely-scrutinized celebrity to find freedom behind.

New Adventures in Hi-Fi (#193) felt as appropriate a title as any for my first year at a university— trading my hometown for a cinderblock dorm-room, starting down my career path with all the film courses they’d allow me to sign up for. The road-grit guitars, open road expansive sound, Stipe’s tour-shredded front man vocals: the album is alternately weary and electrified. Choruses and riffs fit to fill a stadium (as many basic tracks were recorded at live soundcheck) beside intimate 3AM tour bus confessionals. I scored this huge chapter of my young life with the strutting, T. Rex glam of “The Wake-Up Bomb,” arena-ready choruses of “Bittersweet Me” and “So Fast, So Numb,” felt inspired by the dreamlike inscrutability of “How The West Was Won and Where It Got Us” and darkly-reflective poetry of “E-Bow The Letter.”

I’m not overly surprised to hear that this LP didn’t hit with the same impact as the previous ones— it’s always felt like an acquired taste that I couldn’t impart to anyone else. “You haven’t heard 'Leave?’ Ah man, it’s over 7 minutes long, and there’s a constant siren loop in the background! But trust me, when you hear the acoustic riff from the opening interlude reprised by double-tracked electric guitar, the goose pimples will be visible from space.”

Where Monster boasted the straight-arrow torch song “Strange Currencies,” the hushed, surrealistic “Be Mine” seemed as if it emanated from my own bruised heart. "I'll be the sky above the Ganges / I'll be the vast and stormy sea / I'll be the lights that guide you inward / I'll be the visions you will see”— it’s a cross-spiritual devotional that funnels the tenets of world religions into a promise for total intimacy. I would pay top dollar for the raw footage of Thom Yorke’s guest interpretation. 

Despite the public’s anemic response, the band’s estimation of Hi-Fi’s strengths is justifiably high. It’s an accomplished, energetic record that shows every member playing at his peak. It’s now frozen in history as the last document of the band as a foursome. In the next entry, I’ll delve into the CDs released after drummer Bill Berry retired and R.E.M. dramatically changed gears, rocketing into the 21st century.

[chequerootlurks]

I sat down the other day to make an alignment meme for the characters features in my "Nuclear World" - the fic'verse that contains all the pieces from "Nuclear Attraction" to "Narcissus Poeticus," including side works such as "Pull Down the Sun."

For the record, "Supercritical Arrangement," "Conclusions to Entropy," and "Snapshots" also fit into that 'verse, but since they're more derivative works than direct Simpsons fanfics, I do keep them slightly separate.

In deciding on alignment, "Good" versus "Evil," "Law" versus "Chaos," I'd like to clarify my thoughts on a few things. A so-called "evil" character doesn't necessarily have to be a monster at all times. In some perspectives, he (or she) might even display characteristics of a Good Person: highly charismatic, loyal to family, tender towards their children or pets. Conversely, a "good" character isn't necessarily pleasant to be around. A sarcastic, cynical ex-marine might be "lawful good," but by no means jolly, or particularly tolerant of others' shenanigans.

Alignment is NOT a measure of charisma, nor is it the be-all and end-all of a character's personality.

I've also included demeanors and natures from White Wolf's World of Darkness tabletop RPG system. One's demeanor is how they present themselves to the world, one's nature is how they truly are. Sometimes people have the same natures and demeanors, other times these aspects can be exact opposites.

For more information on Alignment, this site provides a wonderful description, meta-compiled from a variety of RPG sources! http://easydamus.com/alignment.html

For more information on Archetypes (Demeanor and Nature), feel free to stop here: http://mistsofmemory.net/wiki/doku.php?id=archetypes

The artwork featured in this meme is a combination of my own, and that of @gavimp, who also allowed me to include her original character Ryan H. Smithers in this as well. Much thanks and gratitude. And now, the part you’ve all been waiting for:

_____________ Lawful Good: Preston A. Tucci. Demeanor: Director Nature: Perfectionist Preston's always been the sort to follow the rules. Life is a series of carefully planned decisions, structured and orderly - the best way to achieve one's goals. Toe the line, stick to the schedule! Preston doesn't have the most patience with things that interfere with order, discipline, and his carefully made plans. Deep down, he's rather insecure, and questions whether the things he does will truly be good enough. Fortunately, arrogance can be a good mask for shyness and insecurity.

Neutral Good: Waylon J. Smithers Sr. Demeanor: Stoic Nature: Visionary Calm and collected, Waylon Smithers Senior considers himself a simple man who strives to do the right thing. At times, that leads to too many irons in the fire, too many conflicting obligations he's taken on. Family versus work, obligation to his wife against his friendship with business partner C. M. Burns. Waylon Senior tries to live his life, be a good man, friend, father, and partner. In the end, he's willing to make the ultimate sacrifice if it will save the lives of those he loves.

Chaotic Good: Antoine Radson Demeanor: Bon Vivant Nature: Caregiver Antoine's a free spirit, a foster kid who grew up young, and learned to take care of himself. He's protective, sometimes jealously so, a tad insecure, and loves to be the center of attention. Louder, brighter, anything for applause! -- At his core, Antoine's secretly a true caregiver. He quietly volunteers his time to help at-risk kids, like he once was, hoping to give them the support and stability he didn't have. He doesn't feel the need to broadcast this. It's a secret from all but his closest friends, and he's fine keeping it that way.

Lawful Neutral: Ryan Smithers Demeanor: Judge Nature: Explorer Ryan sees the world in shades of infinite greys when it comes to morality. There is never, in his mind, absolute good, or absolute evil. There's always another side to any story, and he's willing to find out what it is. The only thing that keeps the world from descending into chaos is order, laws; the rules of society that keep things running. Serious, like his grandfather, Ryan has little patience for tomfoolery, and no tolerance for duplicity. He could forgive anyone almost any mistake, as long as they've not broken the rules. Or lied to him. Lying, to Ryan, is the ultimate crime, and one he cannot move past.

True Neutral: Waylon Smithers Jr. Demeanor: Adjucator Nature: Benefactor A jack-of-all trades, and a bit of a dreamer, Waylon Smithers Jr. lives with his feet on the ground, and his heart in the clouds. When asked if he believes something is good or bad, he'd answer philosophically: "who's to say?" If it means paying off a government official to look the other way, Waylon will do it. Despite this, he's a kind man, with genuine concern for those in need... as long as it doesn't conflict with the best interests of his beloved boss and object d'affection, Mister Burns. At the end of the day, Waylon's loyalties lie with his boss, and everything else, needs to balance out in turn.

Chaotic Neutral: Charles Montgomery Burns Demeanor: Curmudgeon Nature: Mad Scientist Despite his Springfield reputation as a villain, Monty Burns is more misunderstood than evil. His moods range from charmingly genteel to conniving and murderous seemingly at the flip of a coin. He often seems to struggle, not just against the world, but with himself as well. Perhaps it is a side affect of his brilliance, madness falling not far behind. In many ways, his own mind is his worst enemy. Taken from his father, raised by his grandfather, he is always at odds between his longing to be accepted; and his desire for power. At night, his the ghosts of his past haunt him, though he'd be loath to admit that to anyone.

Lawful Evil: Clifford Burns Demeanor: Mediator Nature: Pragmatist Son of Wainright, father of Montgomery, Clifford considers himself a humble man of God, and the protagonist of his own life. He has little stomach for blood and violence, and saw his grandfather as the ultimate evil. What Clifford doesn't see is how his actions appear from someone on the outside. Catch one of his children wasting time reading funny books (these days known as comic books)? Buy the store and burn it down. He may be a devoted father, protective and even loving, but he is not above bargaining with the lives of others. After all, the good of the many outweighs the good of the one; as long as he is part of that many.

Chaotic Evil: Colonel Wainwright Burns Demeanor: Manipulator Nature: Fanatic Polished, refined, charismatic and sophisticated, Wainwright is nothing if not a true monster! He will stop at nothing in his quest to acquire wealth, and immortality in turn. He has no qualms about delving into the occult, studying the dark passages of unspoken lore and demonology. Wainwright is the master manipulator, and those he works his influence on seldom if ever realize until it's too late. He'll play the most gracious host, and smile with southern charm even as he's planning to make a laudanum wine laced with the blood of his strongest working men. Everything, even his own descendants, are nothing but a means to an end in Wainwright's eyes.

Art Credits: Preston Tucci, Antoine Radson, Clifford Burns were all drawn by @gavimp, and used with permission. The remaining art of Waylon Sr, Waylon Jr. Monty Burns, Ryan, and Wainwright were drawn by Yours Truly.

[katesattic]

Now Available on my blog: The Complete Sanders Sides Spotify Playlist Breakdown

I purposely ordered these songs in the way they appear. And if you can play it off shuffle, I would encourage you to do so. Placing songs from the Q&A at the beginning and the songs with which I chose to end each playlist were not placed where they were accidentally by any means. But there is a method to my madness. I realise that many of you don’t have Premium and will only be able to play them on shuffle.

Some songs on these playlists just spoke to me, others I had to think about before adding. After each Blurb explaining the playlist, I’ve added links to them, so you don’t have to hunt them down. Hope you enjoy listening to them because they were fun to make.

-Kt💗

[You can either click here to be taken to the page or keep reading below the cut]

Thomas - Most of the songs appearing on his playlist are songs that Thomas has covered. Some of the songs also appear on the Sides playlists. They are his Sides Afterall, so it only makes sense that they share some songs. {Link}

Orange Colored Sky {Nat King Cole} – Thomas has stated this to be one of his favourite songs. It had to be the first song.

Snow In Venice {Elizaveta} – Thomas’s cover of this song has got to be one of my favourites so it seemed only right.

Fly Me To The Moon {Frank Sinatra} – He covered it.

Love Like You (End Credits) {Rebecca Sugar} – It’s SU!

My Dragon Pal and Me {Cast of Galavant} – King Richard sometimes reminds me of Thomas. This song in particular.

Freeze Your Brain {Original World Premier Cast} – HE WAS JD IN HEATHERS: THE MUSICAL (the Orlando Production)

Waving Through A Window {Ben Platt} – He covered it.

We Are The Crystal Gems (Full Theme Song) {ZachCallison}

Welcome to the Black Parade {My Chemical Romance} – He covered it.

Guns and Ships {Original Broadway Cast}

Feels Like Summer {panama Wedding}

It’s Over Isn’t It {Deedee Madno Hall} – This has got to be another favourite song he’s covered.

Sick Muse {Metric}

Bubble Gum {Brigitte Bardot} – j’avais besoin d’ajouter une chanson en français.

Colors {Honest Men}

I Found You {Fraser Murray}

Here Comes A Thought {Estelle} – HOW ARE THOMAS’S SU COVERS SO GOOD?

Seventeen {Original World Premier Cast} – I think he and Nicole are better. But here’s the original.

Anything Vine Can Do, YouTube Can Do Better {Jon Cozart} – Thomas actually sings in this one, so …

Let’s Face It I’m Cute {11 Acorn Lane} – Thomas is cute.

Seasons Of Love {Original Broadway Cast}

Here {Alessia Cara} – the social anxiety and introversion he talks about.

Bueberry Hill {Louis Armstrong}

YouTube Culture {Jon Cozart}

Little Game {Benny}

Absolutely Smitten {dodie}

Dead Disco {Metric}

What A Wonderful World {Louis Armstrong}

Goodnight My Friend {Cast of Galavant}

Logan - This was the most difficult playlist for me to compile. Anxiety’s was easy because I stuck to a few artists and Patton and Morality each had a specific tone I was following. But I am least confident in this playlist. Anyway, most of the songs in this playlist relate to Logan more in their titles than in their tone. I tried to have mostly jazz and hip-hop genres, but I’m not sure I was very successful in that. In short, his songs mostly relate to his struggles to empathise and understand emotion. {Link}

Comfortably Numb {Pink Floyd} – Logan used this song to describe how he was feeling in the Q&A.

Immortals {Fall Out Boy} – this is a song from Logan’s favourite Disney film.

Achilles Last Stand {Led Zeppelin} – Mythology, literature, etc.

White & Nerdy {“Weird Al” Yankovic} – Logan’s a big ol’ nerd. And we love him for it.

The Meaning of Life {Monty Python} – Seems like something Logan would ponder.

What Am I Feeling {Cast of Galavant} – He doesn’t understand emotions.

Somethin’ Stupid {Frank Sinatra} – title more than meaning.

Another Brick In The Wall {Pink Floyd} – “Don’t Need No” is a double negative and I feel like that would bug him and I’d assume that’s why he’d want this kids to be educated.

Guns and Ships {Original Broadway Cast} – Logan can rap.

Blow Us All Away {Original Broadway Cast} – Ibid.

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien {Édith Piaf} – Nah, he doesn’t regret anything *cough* infinitesimal *cough* Nothing.

You Oughta Know {Alanis Morisette}

I Wish I Knew Better {Owen Danoff}

Jamais seule {Loane} – Never alone. Not when he has books.

All of Me {Billie Holiday}

Education {Pearl Jam}

Word Crimes {“Weird Al” Yankovic}

Emotions {Evence} – no lyrics, because songs without lyrics are more confusing … like emotions.

I Don’t Like You {Cast of Galavant} – How he feels about Roman … probably.

Hit The Road Jack {Ray Charles} – again probably directed at Roman or Patton

Dance Off {Macklemore & Ryan Lewis}

Almost Like Being In Love {Nat King Cole} – ALMOST

Bohemian Rhapsody {Queen}

As Good As It Gets {Cast of Galavant} – he’s a realist

Galaxy Song {Monty Python} – That ending though.

Patton - Patton’s playlist was fun. I wanted it to be both parental (hence songs like “Que Sera Sera”) but also childish (hence the songs from kids shows and Disney films). I wanted it to play off the duality of Patton both being the parental side yet also being the most innocent/naïve of the group as well. I wanted his playlist to be very fun and playful. As such, I didn’t pay too much attention to the genre of the songs, I just wanted to be sure they were upbeat. {Link}

I Am The Walrus {The Beatles} – Patton used this song to describe how he was feeling in the Q&A.

Campfire Song Song {Spongebob Squarepants} – He pretty much just listens to it on repeat.

Winnie the Pooh {Disney Studio Chorus}

The Bare Necessities {Phil Harris and Bruce Reitherman}

He Mele No Lilo {Mark Keali’I Ho’omalu and Kamehameha Schools Children’s Chorus}

Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride {Mark Keali’I Ho’omalu and Kamehameha Schools Children’s Chorus}

Steven Universe Theme Song {Giant Woman}

Pennies From Heaven {Louis Prima}

A Spoonful or Sugar {Julie Andrews}

Fly Me To The Moon {Frank Sinatra}

Beauty {Original Cast of Starship}

Pays to Bean Animal {Team StarKid}

La vie en rose {Édith Piaf} – I feel like the English version of this song is much more sombre than the French one and that’s why I put the French version on Patton’s playlist

Stadium Love {Metric}

Simple Song {The Shins}

You Make Me Feel So Young {Frank Sinatra}

Dream A Little Dream Of Me {Eliza Fitzgerald}

Angel Dance {Robert Plant}

Ironic {Alanis Morisette} – Because, the only ironic thing about this song is that the lyrics have nothing to do with irony. Reminds me of Patton’s use of “adultery.”

Je Ne Sais Pas {Joyce Jonathan} – Literally, the titles is I Don’t Know, and if that ain’t Patton.

1234 {Feist} – Almost put this on Logan’s playlist. But Feist counts “1234,56, 9 and 10” where did 7 and 8 go? Because of that, I felt this song was better suited to Patton.

The Moss {Cosmo Sheldrake} – this would work for Roman too, but I imagine it more as a parent telling a story than a knight living the story.

Ramble On {Led Zeppelin}

Feels Like Summer {Panama Wedding}

Que Sera, Sera {Sly & The Family Stone} – Because this song is so parental and I’m a sucker for Heathers. Syd Straw’s version is my favourite, but it’s not available here, so I went for the version at the end of the film.

Roman - Disney, you guys, Disney. So, Roman’s playlist had to be both filled with Disney and be as theatrical as he is. His playlist comprises of songs from the Disney Princess lineup (not necessarily a song sung by the princess) in chronological order as well as show tunes. Roman is Thomas’s fanciful Sides, so it seemed only natural to include soundtracks from musicals (whether film, television, or stage) as well as to includes songs focusing on the self and one’s dreams. {Link}

All I Do Is Win {DJ Khaled} – Roman used this song to describe how he was feeling in the Q&A.

Halo {Beyoncé} – His favourite “band”

Some Day My Prince Will Come {Adriana Caselotti}

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes {Ilene Woods}

An Unusual Prince/Once Upon A Dream {Mary Costa}

Part Of Your World {Jodi Benson}

Beauty And The Beast {Angela Lansbury}

One Jump Ahead {Brad Kane}

Colors Of The Wind {Judy Kuhn}

I’ll Make a Man Out of You {Donny Osmund}

Almost There {Anika Noni Rose}

I See the Light {Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi}

Touch The Sky {Julie Fowlis}

Love Is an Open Door {Kristen Bell and Santino Fontana}

How Far I’ll Go {Auli’i Cravalho}

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious {Julie Andrews}

Freeze Your Brain {Original World Premier Cast}

My Shot {Original Broadway Cast}

For Forever {Ben Platt}

I’m Too Sexy {Right Said Fred} – OK, but like seriously. This is such a Roman song.

Ma Pomme {Maurice Chevalier} – mostly for this line “J'suis plus heureux qu'un roi”

Dreams {The Cranberries}

My Way {Frank Sinatra} – C’mon

Orange Colored Sky {Nat King Cole}

Virgil - The songs on this playlist are in the emo, rock, and punk genres for the most part. I also think this playlist has the least variety of artist, the reason for this being when one is in an emotional state, one is more likely to listen to familiar songs. Songs the person is used to and songs that comfort them. As such, Anxiety’s playlist changes between a few repeated artists. {Link}

I’m Not Okay (I Promise) {My Chemical Romance} – Anxiety used this song to describe how he was feeling in the Q&A.

Taking Over Me {Evanescence} – This is a song from his favourite band.

Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time {Panic! At The Disco} – It’s full of angst. What else can I say?

Stressed Out {Twenty One Pilots} – He is anxiety personified after all.

Don’t Let Me Get Me {Pink}

Basket Case {Green Day}  

Paranoid {Black Sabbath}

Dazed and Confused {Led Zeppelin}

Fallen Leaves {Billy Talent}

Call Me When You’re Sober {Evanescence}

Welcome To The Black Parade {MCR} - He/Thomas sang this song on snapchat. So, I had to.

Heavydirtysoul {TOP}

Bring Me To Life {Evanescence}

Welcome To My Life {Simple Plan}

This Is Gospel {Panic! At The Disco}

Gimme Sympathy {Metric}  – He wants to be understood by the other Sides. He wants sympathy.

Goner {TOP}

Red Flag {Billy Talent}

Teenagers {MCR}

Haunted {Evanescence}

Just Like a Pill {Pink}

I Write Sins Not Tragedies {Panic! At The Disco}

Devil In A Midnight Mass {Billy Talent}

Help I’m Alive {Metric}

Good Riddance {Green Day} – it felt only appropriate to end his playlist with a song with such title.

[chicgeekgirl89]

Sugar, Butter, Flour

Takes place during and after “Tidings We Bring.” Kensi’s baking leads to a big mess, a botched interrogation, and a sugar sweet end.

You sure about tonight?

The text stared up at her from her phone. Three little dots pulsed in the bottom corner of the screen. Deeks was still typing.

I can come pick you up. Everyone wants to see you.

She sighed. They had discussed the NCIS Staff Holiday Party for at least a week, and Deeks had made a valiant attempt to persuade her to go. She’d wanted to, badly. His disappointment had been nearly enough to push her into saying yes. But in the end she’d decided to stay home. She just didn’t think she could stand the pitying looks, the sympathetic smiles, or the heartfelt, but essentially useless, words of encouragement.

Most of all she didn’t think she could stomach seeing how life had continued without her. It was one thing to hear about it from Deeks, another to have it paraded in front of her face. In her mind she wanted to believe that the team couldn’t go on without Kensi Blye. It was easier to preserve that fantasy here at home.

Her phone buzzed again.

If you change your mind call me.

She set it next to her on the couch, her heart stinging with an equal mix of longing and relief as she turned on the TV flipping morosely through the channels. “Soap operas or daytime talk shows, what a choice,” she muttered.

Viagra commercial. Injury lawyer. Walk in bathtub and shower installation. Another Viagra commercial. Life alert pendant. She had them all memorized at this point. Was this what her life was going to be from now on? Sitting at home watching television meant for 80-somethings? The thought was unsettling and she found herself turning it off, suddenly anxious for something, anything to do other than sit around like a lump. She walked into the kitchen, her eyes wandering the room, unsure exactly what she thought she was going to find there to relieve her sudden need for activity.

Her eyes landed on a recipe book Deeks had received from his mom three Christmases ago. Her fingers flipped through the pages and she suddenly realized, she was going to bake. She was going to bake cookies and go to that party and prove to everyone that she was still capable. That Badass Blye was alive and well and ready to come back any day now. Hell, maybe she’d even manage to prove it to herself.

A little voice in her mind whispered that she’d never baked anything before, but Kensi had no problem ignoring it. Chocolate chip cookies couldn’t be too difficult. Definitely not more difficult than learning to walk again!

“Okay, sugar, butter, flour, eggs…” she began to compile the ingredients, setting them out in a row on the counter. Monty perked up from where he’d been napping by the windows and padded over to stare up at her.

“We’ve got this, right boy?” she asked him. “Cookies are easy. We can handle it.”

She threw the butter, sugar, and vanilla into a bowl and turned on the mixer, frowning when the butter refused to combine and instead stayed in solid chunks. Cranking up the speed, she turned away and began to measure out the flour and baking soda.

When she couldn’t find a teaspoon she decided just to eyeball the salt. Cooking was all about that right? People were always throwing in a dash of this and a little of that.

She returned to the mixer and found the butter still on the lumpy side. “What the heck?” she muttered, checking the recipe again.

She’d forgotten the eggs. That must be the problem. She held one in her hand and frowned. Did you put in the whole egg? Just the whites? The yolk? The recipe didn’t specify so she cracked the shells and threw both white and yolk into the mix.

They helped to soften the butter a little and Kensi shrugged. It would just melt in the oven anyway, right?

Turning she grabbed the flour bowl and dumped its contents in with the rest. The second it hit the mixer white powder exploded into the air. “Oh god!” she coughed and reached blindly to slow the whirling beaters.

The movement was too fast and her weakened left hand cramped painfully. “Ow! Damn it!”

 She finally got the beaters to stop and growled in frustration when she realized nearly a third of the flour had escaped the bowl and settled all over the counters and floor. Reaching for the flour container she haphazardly measured out more and threw it in.

Deciding the mixer was clearly faulty she grabbed a spoon and awkwardly balanced the bowl with her cramping fingers, stirring until the flour was mostly invisible. She grabbed several handfuls of chocolate chips and added them to the dough before scooping out mounds of it onto a baking sheet.

Pushing the tray into the oven she set the timer and looked at Monty who was leaving paw prints in the flour on the floor and had a streak of it across his nose. “See? Easy.”

Fourteen minutes later the house smelled of cookies and Kensi proudly reached into the oven when the buzzer sang out. What she found wiped the smile right off her face.

Half of the cookies were puffed up the size of biscuits and the other half had spread out thin and brittle across the pan. Many of them had merged together and when she tried to pull them off they stuck firmly to the sheet’s surface and broke into pieces as she forced the spatula underneath them.

“No, no, no!” she moaned.

There was no way she could take these cookies to the Mission. They had to be perfect. Or at least edible.

Three more attempts gave her cookies that were raw in the center, a batch that were burnt on the bottom, and one that was so salty it sent her running for a glass of water.

At last she looked around the kitchen in defeat. There was no time left for another attempt. If she was going to get there on time she had to leave soon.

Maybe she wouldn’t go after all. So often these days it just seemed easier to give into defeat and apparently today she was going to let it win. Collapsing into a kitchen chair she grabbed her laptop, scrolling mindlessly through various websites and emails. It was just a party. No one would even miss her. She hadn’t wanted to go anyway.

 She opened an article on submarine warfare but in the middle of reading an ad flickered in the sidebar, catching her eye. She clicked the link and an idea began to form. Maybe it didn’t matter if she was a good baker, as long as everyone else thought she was.

“Where did you get the cookies?”

The whispered question pulled her from sleep, but she pretended to ignore it.

“I know you can hear me, Fern.” Deeks’ breath tickled her ear and she flung out an arm to push him away. He caught it and pinned the limb playfully above her head. “Tell me where you got the cookies and you can go back to sleep,” he promised.

She opened one eye to glare at him. “I told you. I made them. You saw the mess in the kitchen.”

“Oh, I saw and cleaned the mess. But not once in your life have you baked anything. There’s no way you made cookies that perfect on your first try.”

“Beginner’s luck.”

“Uh huh, no way. Now tell the truth.”

“Go away, Deeks,” she grumbled. “You’re just jealous of my baking genius.”

“Oh, really? I’m jealous? How can I be jealous of a skill you don’t actually have?”

“Don’t you have to go to work?” she moaned, trying to roll away from him.

He held her steady. “Not yet. I woke you up extra early for this very special interrogation.”

“You’re wasting your time. I’m telling the truth.”

“That you think you can convince me of your honesty is adorable,” he told her. “But you forget,” he leaned very close, “I know all your weak spots.”

A shiver went down her spine as he pressed a kiss to her neck and then another to her shoulder. “You’ll never break me, Detective,” she managed.

He grinned. “That’s what they all say.”

“I’m home!” Deeks called from the front foyer.

“Upstairs!” she yelled back from her position on the floor of the master closet.

She heard him tromp up the stairs as she threw yet another pile of magazines into a garbage bag. Why did she have so many freaking magazines? She’d been cleaning for hours and had six bags of junk including two that were completely full of nothing but magazines.

“What are you doing?” Deeks asked as he appeared in the doorway.

“Cleaning,” Kensi told him. “Why do we have so much junk?”

“Um…we?” Deeks raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, we. You and me are a package deal now. Why did you let me keep all this when we moved in here?”

“I’m just, I’m not going to touch that one,” Deeks said around a mouthful of something.

Kensi frowned at him. “What are you eating? Did you start dinner without me?”

“Just a cookie.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

 Too nonchalantly. “A cookie?” Kensi asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, chocolate chip. They’re from this great little bakery called ‘Grandma’s Kitchen.’ Only about ten minutes from here. Taste homemade. You want one?”

His eyes had that all-too-innocent look and she sighed in defeat. “How did you know?”

“I’m a detective. I detected.” He took another bite.

She rose and followed him into the bedroom. “But I was so careful! I threw the container away in a random dumpster. I turned my phone off so you couldn’t track it. I paid in cash. How did you figure it out?”

“Well, when my interrogation tactics failed this morning, I did the next best thing.”

“You went to Eric and Nell. Traitors.”

“They did some computer triangulation thingy thing and came up with three places. Then it was just a matter of checking to see which one had sold cookies to a beautiful brunette with a weird eye.”

“Ugh!” Kensi flopped back on the bed. “I tried so hard. They were all terrible. I just wanted to…do something. I’m so useless right now.”

“Hey, you are not useless.”

“Yes, I am. I can’t work and apparently I can’t even stay home right.”

“You being a terrible baker doesn’t make you useless. It just means you belong at NCIS.”

“And if I can never go back?”

“Kensi, there are about a million options for you that don’t include baking or being anywhere near a kitchen. If you can’t go back, and I do mean if, then we will look until we find a new place for you, I promise.” He looked at her tenderly. “One place you’ll always belong is with me. I hope that means something to you.”

She reached for his hand. “It does.”

“Good,” he kissed her gently, and then again.

“But,” she said softly, finally pushing him away, “because you couldn’t let me have my cookie moment in peace, you have to eat the next batch of cookies that I make.”

His eyes widened. “Nooo! It’s not nice to poison people!”

“Oh, you’ll eat ‘em and like ‘em.” She pressed her lips to his once more. “Now you’d better hope my legs are still too weak to beat you down the stairs.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because if I get there first, all of Grandma’s cookies are going to be mine.”

She off him in a flash, laughing as she hit the stairs. “Wait, no!” he yelled, scrambling after her. “Save some for me!”

[hermanwatts]

Sensor Sweep: Kyrik, Earl Norem, Stormbringer RPG, Denny O’Neill

T.V. (RMWC Reviews): In 1973, Tsuburaya Productions released several shows as part of the company’s 10th anniversary. The first one to see release was Fireman (or Magma Man in some markets), which began airing on Nippon Television on January 7, 1973, running until July for 30 episodes.

Warfare (Aeoli Pera): The typical special forces trainee who passes selection has a higher rank (officers were far more likely to pass than enlisted), at least a bachelor’s degree, high general personality factor with extremely high conscientiousness, no children, and verbally tilted IQs averaging in the 120s. This study looks at Ranger school but it’s true across all special operations services in the Western world. Please note that, except for measuring the ability to do pullups, these exact predictors could be used to select head girls for graduate departments in the humanities and social sciences.

Fiction (Wasteland & Sky): Interested in superheroes? If you’re reading this post then there’s a good chance you do! But how much? Check out this new bundle of hero books compiled by immortal SF author Kevin J. Anderson. The offer is for a limited time, so don’t miss out! The description for the bundle is as follows: The Up, Up and Away Superheroes Bundle – Curated by Kevin J. Anderson: If reading is your kryptonite, I’ve put together a superpowered StoryBundle—thirteen books with marvelous heroes, supervillains, secret identities, mutant powers, and extraordinary gentlemen (and ladies).

Popular Culture (Legends of Men): Why do these guys virtue signal? They’re saying this type of thing to other readers of S&S and REH and the pulps. The entire readership obviously enjoys these genres with as much or as little diversity as they already have. Past works cannot be changed and what made them popular once is more likely to make them popular again than changing the nature of what they are. So do some readers feel the need to virtue signal to other readers?

Reading (DVS Press): How many times have you seen a movie and though, “Man, the book was so much better,” or had a friend who read the book say the same to you? I can definitely say that the cases where the movie is better than the book are far outweighed by the reverse – probably in the range of 20:1. In fact, the only writer whose work seems to function better on screen than on paper is Stephen King, and even then there are plenty of books in his exceptionally large canon that are much better than their cinema counterpart (anyone remember The Dark Tower? I hope not).

Science Fiction (John C. Wright): Sometimes in this life we see justice done. The Nebula Awards have just honored Gene Wolfe with a Grandmastership. The honor is overdue, and all lovers of literature should rejoice. Gene Wolfe is the Luis Borges of North America. He is the greatest living author writing in the English language today, and I do not confine that remark to genre authors. I mean he is better than any mainstream authors at their best, better in the very aspects of the craft in which they take most pride.

Culture War (Kairos): This is why they hate Japan. This the material manifestation for why they can’t handle the Beautiful and seek to degrade before they destroy; the humiliation is intended as much to assuage the abuser’s amygdala as it is to afflict the victim’s, a “No You, Christcuck!” retort as they rip the beautiful apart before finishing the job. The cruelty is part of the process by design. The shitlords–God bless you all–at /pol/ noticed that this applies to all of the cultural attacks.

Art (DMR Books): When Earl demobilized, he went into magazine illustration, mostly for the “Men’s Adventure” mags. Such magazines have also been called “men’s pulps” and “sweat mags”. Essentially, they were magazines that somewhat carried on from the actual pulps–which died out in the 1950s–but were printed on “slick” paper. A significant percentage of their readers were veterans of World War Two and Korea who were looking for manly stories featuring action and beautiful women.

Comic Books (Diversions of the Groovy Kind): As most of you know, Groove-ophiles, Denny O’Neil, one of the most influential writers of the Groovy Age passed away at the age of 81 on Friday, June 12. Much has been written about O’Neil during the past week, and that’s how it should be. During the 1970s, O’Neil changed the way we would think about Batman in particular and comics in general forever (in tandem, naturally, with artist Neal Adams, mostly, but also with a host of other artistic luminaries from Irv Novick to Mike Kaluta to Jack Kirby to Mike Grell).

Robert E. Howard (Don Herron): Something I didn’t know much about, was a bank robbery that had occurred in the little town of Cisco on December 23, 1927, over 80 years earlier. The so-called Santa Claus Bank Robbery was a story I had heard about, of course, but the Kris Kringle business had conjured up images of a gang comprised of members of Monty Python’s Flying Circus and the Bowery Boys. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

RPG (Black Gate): Chaosium’s Stormbringer! was a licensed product based on Michael Moorcock’s Elric of Melniboné secondary world fantasy series. The game engine used modified Basic Roleplaying mechanics; in particular, magic worked very differently in Stormbringer than in Runequest. Characters could come from a wide variety of backgrounds; power-gamers preferred certain back-grounds over others because there was no pretense of game balance between them.

Heinlein (Black Gate): It’s almost impossible to discuss Robert A. Heinlein’s The Pursuit of the Pankera: A Parallel Novel about Parallel Universes without revealing and thus spoiling the plot devices of it and its 1980 prequel/sequel, The Number of the Beast—. Heinlein, first Grand Master of the SFWA, for decades acclaimed as the Dean of sf, no longer pleases everyone. Some readers, especially academic critics, have denounced both books as grossly self-indulgent and even worthless. Others, like the brilliant Marxist professor H. Bruce Franklin (in his important 1980 study Robert A. Heinlein: America as Science Fiction) catch the feel of Beast: “a cotton-candy apocalypse — frothy, sweet, airy, mellow, light, festive, whimsical, insubstantial” (199).

Sword-and-Sorcery (Ken Lizzi): I’ve read a few of Gardner Fox’s Kothar books. So when I saw his name on the cover of Kyrik Fights the Demon World I didn’t hesitate to snatch up the book. No one will claim that Fox was a master stylist. Take this paragraph from page one of Demon World. And so Makonnon quested through spatial emptiness into lands that had known him, long and long ago. He sent his mind across unfathomable distances, seeking, hunting, searching for that which so infuriated him.

RPG (Cyborgs and Sorcerers): Vancian Freeform Magic. I know that sounds like a contradiction in terms.  It isn’t.  You’ll see. I love the idea of free-form spell systems because they allow for endless creativity, and for me, creative problem-solving is the biggest source of fun in RPGs.  In practice though, people often come up with a few favorite spells they cast over and over.  This system was designed to prevent that by continually varying the tools in the free-form spellcaster’s toolbox. It’s a noun-verb system like Ars Magicka, except the nouns and verbs are not skills you’re permanently trained in.

Tolkien (Tolkien and Fantasy): The details of Tolkien’s epistolary friendship with the US editor, writer and sculptor Sterling Lanier (1927-2007) are difficult to ascertain, and various accounts differ as to the chronology and extent of their correspondence.  In 1973, Lanier wrote that “it began in 1951” and amounted to some “dozen or so letters we exchanged over the years.” In a 1974 fanzine profile of Lanier by Piers Anthony, it notes that Lanier had had “ten years of correspondence” with Tolkien. In 2016,  a book dealer had for sale six letters from Tolkien to Lanier, plus one from Tolkien’s wife.

Science Fiction (M. Porcius): I enjoyed my recent look at the 1950 issue of Thrilling Wonder Stories with Leigh Brackett’s “The Dancing Girl of Ganymede” and Henry Kuttner’s “The Voice of the Lobster,” so, to take a break from my rereading of Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, I propose spending some time reading more stories by Brackett and Kuttner from Thrilling Wonder (we might end up checking out some Thrilling Wonder contributions by Brackett’s husband, Edmond Hamilton, as well.)

RPG (Swords and Stitchery): I have used & abused B4 The Lost City adventure & its inhabitants  for years now a venerable pulp  module created by Tom Moldvay.  “”The Lost City” (1982) was the first adventure written entirely for the second edition Dungeons & Dragons Basic Set (1981). No surprise, then, that it was written by the author of that set, Tom Moldvay. ” Today I’ve been thinking about specifically adapting this module as perhaps a starter to Astonishing Swordsmen & Sorcerers of Hyperborea second edition as an introductory module.

History (Outlook India): Tucked into Pakistan’s remote northwestern hills, along the border with Afghanistan, is a cluster of three villages whose residents are still trying to preserve their language and culture in the face of advancing modernity and religious conversion. The tribe, known as Kalash, is said to have descended from soldiers of the army of Alexander the Great who travelled this way in 324 BCE. However, many scholars deny the story even though it has not been established finally yet how these people, their language, dress, and their nature-worshipping culture—in marked contrast to the Islamic culture that surrounds them—evolved and survived through the centuries.

Fiction (Dark Worlds Quarterly): I used to use the words “Pulp-descended fiction” and it was the source of RAGE m a c h i n e Books. I wanted to capture that feeling that good Pulp writing gives you. What that really means is I grew up on authors who wrote during the Pulps and those who followed, they too influenced by those five decades of magazine publishing. The world has since moved on, with television and paperback novels, comic books (now called “graphic novels”). Despite this, Pulp remains with us. Not in the packaging but under the surface.

Sensor Sweep: Kyrik, Earl Norem, Stormbringer RPG, Denny O’Neill published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

[doopcafe]

Searching for Comedy, Part I

In an attempt to discover a comedian Akina could like, I polled a few people to elicit suggestions and compiled a list of eleven comedians’ skits into a playlist. 

Initially, I thought it would be impossible to “rate” the comedians under the mistaken belief that it’s a binary metric: either they are funny or they are not. Turns out, there’s various shades of “funny” and I’ll attempt to quantify that in a minute. 

But first, a few comments...

(1) I’ve learned something obvious: A large part of how funny a comedian is is how much you can relate to what they’re saying. Chris Rock’s bit about $5,000 bullets to prevent gun violence was funny, because it’s a topic Akina and I are familiar enough with to understand. Ali Wong’s bit about having children was not funny, because neither of us knows what she’s talking about.

(2) It’s not fair to the comedian if your introduction to them is an out-of-context section of a stand-up routine. Watching only Robbin Williams’ bit about the invention of golf is funny if you’re familiar with his other work, but for Akina (who had never seen him prior to this), his skit was a complete flop. Summarizing, she said “He just swears a lot.” True for that bit, not true in general.

Instead, it’s better to introduce the comedian using one of their short, stand-up routines from, say, a talk show. Tig Notaro’s five-minute routine from The Ellen DeGeneres Show was a more fair presentation, as the comedian chose the material, pacing, etc. 

(3) Laugh tracks are obnoxious and distracting. In particular, the Monty Python skits suffered because you could barely hear what the comedians were saying over the sounds of fake laughter. 

(4) Some comedians’ routines really suffer because of their content being outdated. Rodney Dangerfield’s interview on Carson’s The Tonight Show was an example of this, as half the references were to people/things we’re unfamiliar with. Similarly, the more people “in general” are familiar with a comedian, the worse the comedy is. When Dangerfield says “I get no respect” the first time, the audience went absolutely crazy, but an explanation was necessary for Akina who thought she missed a joke. 

With that out of the way, here is my attempt to force comedy into levels of ratings, paralleling my system for movie reviews:

Uncomfortably Unfunny: ☆☆☆☆☆ (0/5)  This means “it’s so unfunny that it’s uncomfortable.” I do not want to watch these comedians again.

Unfunny: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)  This is “bland” humor that elicits an infrequent “heh.” It’s clear it’s meant to be funny, but falls just short of actually being funny. 

Humorous/Amusing: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5)  It’s clear this is comedy, and there may be a great deal of skill behind it, but it’s either too dated, the material has since been overdone, or it’s just not “my type of humor.”

Funny: ★★★☆☆ (3/5)  This is the default level of humor. Any decent comedian should be capable of achieving this level of funniness. It’s a few actual laughs plus some enjoyment. 

Hilarious: ★★★★☆ (4/5)  This is laugh-out-loud funny. It is enjoyable, I want to see more, and it feels like a good use of my time. These are comedians I can say I “like.”

Ridiculous: ★★★★★ (5/5)  This is the “I’m laughing so hard I cannot breath” type of funny. I believe there has to be something extra special to achieve this level. I would actively seek out these comedians to see them live. 

Undoubtedly, these ratings will change, but it’s a starting point. And now on to my ratings of the comedians we watched: 

Uncomfortably Unfunny: ☆☆☆☆☆ (0/5)  Ali Wong

Unfunny: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)  Tig Notaro 

Humorous/Amusing: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5)  Abbott and Costello (Who's on First) Rodney Dangerfield  Monty Python (Cheese Shop, Silly Walks, Dead Parrot, How Not to Be Seen) Robin Williams (Golf)

Funny: ★★★☆☆ (3/5)  Eddie Izzard  Kyle Kinane (Pancakes) Mitch Hedberg

Hilarious: ★★★★☆ (4/5)  Chris Rock Donald Glover

Ridiculous: ★★★★★ (5/5)  None

There isn’t enough data here to draw a conclusion regarding the overlap of my sense of humor with that of people who recommended comedians, but Luke’s two recommendations I’ve rated the lowest... It’s also interesting to note that a few (Eddie Izzard and Monty Python) I’ve seen so many times that they suffer as a result. Part of the formula of humor is the unexpected twist, which is dampened by knowing the punchline. 

Anyways, what did Akina think? 

Ali Wong: Not funny  Tig Notaro: Seems too intellectual, but speaks very clearly and is easy to understand Abbott and Costello: Akina considered the act cliche and overdone (it’s from 1938!) Rodney Dangerfield: Unclear references Monty Python: No Robin Williams: “All he does is swear” Kyle Kinane: Seems like we’re just hanging out with a friend who’s telling a story Eddie Izzard: “Has promise” Mitch Hedberg: Weird Donald Glover: Funny (she chuckled a bit at his jokes) Chris Rock: The only time Akina actually laughed was during one of Chris Rock’s skits...

So the winner of this round was Chris Rock. Which was completely surprising.

[wynneinrome]

The Three Musketeers

The First Part: https://wynneinrome.tumblr.com/post/160054874630/the-three-musketeers

Part 2: https://wynneinrome.tumblr.com/post/173369185045/the-three-musketeers

The Full compiled version so you don’t have to search my Tumblr Abyss each time for it: https://www.quotev.com/story/9467766/The-Three-Musketeers

If any of ya’ll know how to make links so I don’t have to copy and past these long-ass thing lemme know.

Tag List: If you want to be added/removed just message me and I will do so!

 @midtownsciencenerd @hollandstarks @cringyholland @takemespidey @harrison-osterfield-appreciation @osterfield @intheheartofpeterparker@intheheartoftomholland @gounderoos @softboyhollands

Chapter 3: Dreams, Ships, and OTP Wars Part 1 and Part 2

Whooooo so sorry for how long this took, as this chapter is hella long, I am going to divide it into parts. Not sure how many, hopefully just two.... But knowing me, it will be more. So the hashtag "littlelexithings", is an actual hashtag, so you can look it up on Instagram and find my muse. Hope you guys like part 1! ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time I saw Tom and Harrison in the flesh, was about a year or so later…. Haha got you there didn’t I? It was actually only like 6 months later. Not too bad, but it felt like forever. I had wrapped filming on the recent season of Suits and was traveling around the world for a press tour for my novel. I had finally finished it and polished it to the point where not even I could come up with stuff. And I’m a pretty creative kid. But anyway, that is besides the point… I was making a stop in London to do a book signing and to talk more about my next book in progress. I was posting some photos on Instagram, showing the view outside my plane window. The sun was just rising over the clouds, piercing through the darkness and spraying the sky with orange and red hues. I snapped a photo and posted. “Mornings over London. #awesome #beautiful #littlelexithings #sunrise #Icanshowyoutheworld #dontletmemissathing”. I put my phone onto the tray table and sighed. I was practically bubbling over with excitement. I couldn’t wait to see London. Suddenly my phone buzzed. I flinched, the noise sounded twice as loud in the silence of the plane.

“Holy crap…..” I looked down. “Awww Harrison!”

Harrison: “Hey Lexi! Saw your post, glad you’re in London!”

Me: “Do you ever sleep?” Me: “Yeah, I’m doing a book signing here.”

Harrison: “You wrote a book?!” Harrison: “Can I read it?”

Me: “Oh my word… fiiiiiiine.”

Harrison: “Yay!”

Tom: “I don’t mind you two talking…. But in the group chat?! AT 2 IN THE MORNING!”

Me: “Shhhhh Tom. Nobody asked you…. And besides, you could just silence this conversation.” Me: “And besides, you know you love us.”

Tom: “Well since you’re in the area you should come hang!”

Me: “I’m only coming to see Tessa and Monty. You two are just second best.”

Harrison: “Ouch…. I feel  hurt.”

Tom: “My brothers can’t wait to meet the girl that caused the media to explode overnight.”

Harrison: “My sister wants to meet you as well.”

Me: “Well I’d be glad to meet them!”

I smiled to myself. Being on a private jet had its perks. Damian was sleeping across from me. He could sleep in literally any place, but then again so could I. Damian would lecture me for not actually getting a full 8 hours of sleep. But now that I had something to look forward to besides my book signing, I felt like I couldn’t sleep anymore. I had already been sleeping since we left DIA, which was about 4 hours of actual sleep. The flight was about 10 hours long, and I had been awake for too long. I snuggled down into my blankets and tried to get another hour of sleep. I was startled awake by Damian poking my cheek.

“Hey Kiddo, time to get ready.” Damian whispered with a grin. “We’re finally here. Time to get freshened up.”

“What? This “I just was on a plane for 10 hours” look isn’t the new craze?” I grinned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Damian rolled his eyes and pulled me up to the makeup kit. “It is time for you to be glammed up honey. No one will ever know you don’t always look like this.” He winked and began his process.

I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and sat down in front of Damian. I pulled out my iPhone and opened my Amazon Music app to pick some songs to play while I waited. I picked Sam Smith’s “Too Good at Goodbyes”.

“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry. And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry. And every time you walk out, the less I love you. Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true.” I sang in a low voice.  I hated my singing voice, but when I was with friends I couldn’t care less what I sounded like.

“Girl, who are you thinking of?” Damian asked, raising a brow. “Actually I have a hunch of who is on your mind, and it ain’t those pretty British boys.”

I shrugged, “Does it really matter Damian? I mean, I’m always the single friend.” I rolled my shoulders and sat up straight. “Now come on, do what you must so I can talk.”

Damian just shook his head. “Honey, I thought you were over that boy a while ago… I mean he was unattainable then. Why now? Don’t glare at me, it makes creases in your makeup.” Damian lifted my chin. “Now it can’t be that boy you had a crush on in middle school, oh what was his name…. Oh yeah, Michael. Stop looking at me like that Lexi…..” He turned my face to the left. “Now we know it isn’t Sam…. you two are like best friends. Now just between two people.”

I pulled away. “Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.”

“Those two handsome fellows you worked with….. Oh right, James… and Dorian.” Damian smirked.

I groaned. Damian knew I hadn’t really gotten over James… He just teased me about Dorian, because most of my friends thought we were made for each other. But I could never see myself with anyone. No matter how many love songs I listened to. No matter how many times my friends said “Oh he likes you.”. I couldn’t believe a word they said. Call me a pessimist, but that’s how I made it on a day-to-day basis. I’m always crushing on someone, the length of the crush just varies each time. But there were two boys that caused my heart to stop and then beat twice as fast. First it was my friend Sam, I had a crush on him my senior year of high school. But once I knew he didn’t reciprocate my feelings, I made a point of just being friends. He was my other anchor in the world back home. Then there was James…. Oh boy, sometimes I wish our paths never crossed. I worked with him after I graduated and was trying to finish my book. He was literally my perfect man. We bantered like siblings whenever we were around each other. I had never fully recovered from this crush and my heart was always a little tender when he came up in conversation.

“Too soon?” Damian inquired.

“It will always be too soon.” I replied. “Always.”

Damian shook his head. “When will you get over him? You even told me you knew that relationship was never going to happen, because he was a manager and you were not.”

“I don’t know!” I threw my hands into the air. “Besides, I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather talk about Tom and Haz. Or my book. Anything but this.”

Damian leaned back and shrugged. “What do you think you’re going to be doing with Tom and Haz? It’s been awhile since you two have talked. And both of you have been busy with auditions and other things in your life.”

It was my turn to shrug. I had no idea. Meanwhile, during Damian and I’s discussion. The plane had begun its descent and landed in London. Thankfully, Damian had finished his work on my face and hadn’t decided to give me a unibrow in sharpie. I grabbed my shoulder bag off my chair and stretched. It was time to get ready to be fabulous. I exited the plane and walked to the taxi, oh excuse me, cab waiting for me. I smiled at the cabbie and slid into the back seat. Damian flopped down beside me and grinned.

“Nothing like sitting in a cab after sitting for 10 hours.” I winked, trying to shove those memories Damian had brought back up to the bottom of my mind bucket.

“Oh yes, I can just feel the joy of my poor, poor legs.” Damian laughed.

I turned my face to the sight of London. It was raining and I was speechless. I love the rain and the way it accents the world around me. Rain seems to wash away the pain and the dirtiness the outside deposits. The drive wasn’t much longer than a half and hour. The hotel I was staying at was a simple place, I chose it because fancy wasn’t my jam. I liked Mom and Pop shops and little restaurants that no one really knows about. Also, the less fancy the joint, the less likely I was to be mobbed by paparazzi. Upon arriving, I unloaded my suitcases and wheeled them to my room. I flopped down on the bed and laid there for a few moments. I hated unpacking. My phone buzzed, so I lazily reached over and pulled it to me. It was a notification from Instagram. I had been tagged in a photo.

“What the….” I muttered, unlocking my phone.

The photo was a post on Tom’s Instagram. It was a picture of him with his dog Tessa with the caption “Can’t wait to see my friend @lexis_scanlan! Tess can’t wait to meet you. #Ihopeyoutookyourallergymeds #longtimenosee #goodtimesontheway”. I smiled and liked the photo. I commented, “SPARE I’m only here for the dog. Not you. Sorry boo.”

I set my phone down and began to pulled my clothes out of my suitcase. I wandering the room deciding where I wanted most of my clothes. It took me about an hour to unpack. I grabbed my bluetooth speaker and began playing my music. I picked Watercolors by Will Jay.

I pulled out my blue romper and began to sing along with the song.

“Darling you're in deep, your skin is covered, Loving me with all my watercolors, But I wash out easily.  All we have is this heat of the moment, Won't last on the high of our emotions, 'Cause I wash out easily. Soon I'll be gone, You don't belong with me.”

I’m the type of person who skips songs so I’d be halfway through a song before I’d pick a new one.

“All you have to do is stay a minute. Just take your time. The clock is ticking, so stay. All you have to do is wait a second. Your hands on mine. The clock is ticking, so stay.  All you have to do is... uh, All you have to do is stay…… Oh na na, just be careful, na na. Love ain't simple, na na. Promise me no promises. Oh na na, just be careful, na na. Love ain't simple, na na. Promise me no promises…...And I'm almost there, I'm almost there. People gonna come here from everywhere! And I'm almost there I'm almost there. There's been trials and tribulations, You know I've had my share. But I've climbed a mountain, I've crossed a river. And I'm almost there I'm almost there I'm almost there!.....Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze! It means no worries, For the rest of your days. It's our problem-free philosophy. Hakuna Matata!”

Suddenly there was knocking at my door. I stopped putting away my clothes and paused my music. I looked through the peep hole.

“Oh hey Damian…. Am I singing too loud?”

“Uh, kinda… But that’s okay. I was just stopping by to let you know that I’m headed out to meet with Cleo about all the makeup and fashion jazz. She agreed that you could explore. Just don’t get lost and be careful!” Damian said poking my cheek.

“Seriously?!” I took a step back. “That is AWESOME! I could go see Tom and Harrison!”

Damian laughed and shook his head. “Hey Lex don’t forget, you have a book signing tomorrow. And I need you back here way before then.”

“Yes sir!” I nodded, grinning ear to ear.

I turned back into my room and shot a quick text to the boys.

Me: “Hey, I’m free for a few hours. Wanna meet up?”

Tom: “Yas gurl yaaaaaaaaaaas!”

Haz: “What the hell Tom?!” Haz: “Where should we meet you?”

I sent them the address of my hotel and quickly got ready to meet them. I brushed out my now auburn hair and pulled on my jeans and Australia hoodie. I grabbed my dark green purse, grey sweater, room key, and walked out the door. I practically bounced down the stairs to meet them, I have an irrational fear of being in elevators alone. I made it to the entrance and was enveloped into a massive group hug.

“LEXI!!!!!!!” Harrison yelled.

“HARRISON?!!!!!” I shouted back, a bit disoriented and terrified.

“LEXI AND HAZ!!!!” Tom yelled.

“Dude why?” Harrison asked.

“I didn't want to be left out.” Tom replied with a shrug.

“Come on you two! Let's get out of here!” I interrupted them and pulled them out of the hotel lobby.

The sun was shining and there was a rainbow. I was practically beaming, I loved this type of weather. Tom and Harrison walked on either side of me. We walked in silence for a good couple blocks as I took in the sites.

“Wait hold up….. did you two walk here?” I asked.

“Nah…. we drove, but the parking is terrible.” Harrison answered.

“Ah….” I replied, nodding.

I fell back into silence as I gazed up at the London skyline. It was surreal for me. Tom and Harrison lead me to where their car was parked. They drove me out of the city into a more rural area, I was mesmerized by the English countryside. If I had a choice I'd live here.

“You ready to meet Tessa?” Tom asked looking at me in the rear view mirror.

“Uh yes. Why is this a question? You know I love doggos!” I exclaimed.

We arrived soon after. Tom's brother Paddy was outside playing with Tessa. I grinned at the sight of them. I loved people canon in life. Faking it was so painful to observe.

“Hey Tom!’ Paddy shouted, waving and pulling Tessa out of the way.

Tom and Harrison waved back. I shyly waved at Paddy and he smiled brightly my way. Tom parked the car and we all hopped out. Tessa bounded over to Tom and almost took him down.

“Whoa there Tess….” Tom laughed, petting Tessa. “Here girl meet Lexi. She’s a friend of mine.”

Tessa bounced around my legs. I bent down and rubbed her head.

“Well hello there beautiful.” I cooed. “Aren’t you just a sweetheart?”

“Come on Lexi. Sam and Harry want to meet you.” Tom said, pulling me away from Tessa.

“Uh excuse me. I like Tessa better.” I objected with a smirk.

“You haven’t even met them yet!” Tom replied.

“If they’re anything like you….” I mused.

“Oi!” Tom exclaimed swatting my arm.

I laughed and stepped away. “I can tell no lies.”

Before Tom could smack me again, his brothers came outside. Sam and Harry waved and walked over.

“Tom is this the friend you were telling us about?” Sam asked, looking me over.

“Yeah, Sam and Harry meet Lexi.” Tom replied, pointing at each of us in turn.

I grinned at them both, “It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

An awkward silence descended between us, as we had nothing to say. I fiddled with my purity ring nervously. Tessa looked at all of us expectantly, clearly she had no issues with the silence.

I, on the other hand, was internally screaming.

Spending time with Tom’s family wasn’t too awkward once we got to talking. His mom was super nice and asked to take some photos of me and Tom. I agreed, as long as she’d send them to me. They were pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself.

We had gone inside, and were all sprawled around the living room. Tessa was laying with her head on my lap. We were discussing my book and the new film opportunities we were getting. They were all excited about my book and I was equally excited to tell them about my fantasy world that kept me sane. Unfortunately, I got a call from Damian.

“Crap…. It’s Damian.” I sighed. “I need to head back to the hotel.”

When I answered the phone, while walking out with Tom and Harrison, I could hear classical music in the background.

“Damian, are you okay? You don’t usually listen to Mozart.”

“Cleo wants you back. She’s pissed that I let you leave.” Damian replied.

“But didn’t you say that-” I began.

“I freaking lied.” Damian snapped. “Do you really think she’d be nice after these last couple fiascos?!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey now!” I retorted. “Don’t you get all pissy with me son! I thought this was too good to be true! I would’ve just stayed in the hotel if you had told me too! Damian this is all on you!”

“Well sue me you little-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Don’t you fucking dare.” I growled.

“Just get back.” Damian hung up with a dismissive click.

I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair in exasperation. I knew Cleo agreeing to let me be an average teen was too good to be true.

“Hey Tom?” I finally spoke, breaking the silence in the car. “Is there a faster way to the hotel? My manager has her panties in a twist, and I’d like her and my make-up artist not in a fist fight.”

“Yeah I think so.” Tom said. “I’ll do my best to get you there.”

“Thanks Tom.” I whispered.

I leaned back and sighed. Somethings would just never change and I would just have to get used to it. Right?

Wrong. Oh boy was I wrong.

After Tom and Harrison dropped me off at the hotel, I went in to face the beast. Cleo was standing in my room with her arms crossed, tapping her high-heeled foot. Damian was sitting on the bed looking at his hands.

“Cleo.” I said, looking her up and down. “What do you want?”

“Oh I dunno,” She growled. “You to actually take this job seriously!!!”

“Maybe you need to relax.” I hissed. “You seem to forget, that in this business, people are known for losing their shit. Hopefully, I will never have to show you my dark side.”

“Is that a threat?” Cleo gasped.

“No. It is a warning. A warning you should heed.” I shrugged. “Now is there something important you need to tell me? Or did you just want to try to belittle me? Because if it is the second one, get the hell out.”

Cleo huffed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Damian hadn’t moved. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to throw things and cry. I wanted him to hurt like I was. But I also knew that it wasn’t worth it. Just because I’m broken, I don’t need to break others too.

“D? You okay?” I asked softly, sitting beside him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s fine. But are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Not what I asked.”

“Let it go. You’re just a kid, you don’t understand anything.” Damian snapped, standing and walking out.

The door slammed making me flinch.

“So much for a friendly talk.” I thought. “God, please let tomorrow go okay… I can’t bear much more drama.”

I fell back on my bed and screamed into a pillow. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I needed to prepare for my book signing tomorrow. I looked at my closet, this was one of the few times I was allowed to pick my garb. So I was gonna take it by the reigns and go with it.

After a few solid hours of going “Nope, nuh-uh, not gonna happen, and why did I pack this?!” I finally settled on an outfit. My blue romper, with my beige heels, and a grey sweater. It was simple, but also showed who I really was.

After laying out my clothes, I quickly changed into my pajamas and laid down. It was a restless night of sleep. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a freight train. I slowly sat up and looked at my phone, it was still dark out.

“Crap. it’s 2 A.M. I don’t need to be awake for at least 5 more hours.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Well I’m wide awake, guess I’ll just make do then.”

I stood up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I grabbed my earbuds and put them in and began playing “Rise Up” by Andra Day.

“You're broken down and tired of living life on a merry go round, and you can't find the fighter. But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out and move mountains. We gonna walk it out and move mountains. And I'll rise up. I'll rise like the day. I'll rise up. I'll rise unafraid. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again. And I'll rise up, high like the waves. I'll rise up, in spite of the ache. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousands times again. For you. For you. For you. For you. When the silence isn't quiet and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe. And I know you feel like dying, but I promise we'll take the world to its feet and move mountains. We'll take it to its feet and move mountains. And I'll rise up. I'll rise like the day. I'll rise up. I'll rise unafraid. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again. For you. For you. For you. For you. All we need, all we need is hope. And for that we have each other. And for that we have each other. We will rise. We will rise. We'll rise, oh oh. We'll rise. I'll rise up. Rise like the day, I'll rise up. In spite of the ache, I will rise a thousands times again. And we'll rise up rise like the waves. We'll rise up in spite of the ache. We'll rise up. And we'll do it a thousands times again. For you oh oh oh oh oh.  For you oh oh oh oh oh. For you oh oh oh oh oh. For you.” I sang in a low voice.

I pulled on my hoodie and slipped into my knock-off UGG boots. I grabbed my room key and slipped out into the dimly light hallway. I exhaled and continued my trek to the stairs. I had a odd fear of elevators (and escalators but that isn’t the point).

It was raining outside. But I couldn’t care less, rain was my relaxation. I took out my earbuds to listen to the outside world. It was too early for most people to be driving, so it was almost silent. The rain fell steadily, like a woman crying at a funeral. And boy did it feel like a funeral. I let the rain wash over me. It was like a drug to my senses. I could feel my pain rolling off of me like the waves cleaning the beach.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at my screen. It was only 2:30 A.M. I had time to kill. And I wasn’t gonna lounge around my hotel room if I could go explore. So I began walking down the street. Street lights guided me to a small park. The lights in the park weren’t on and I wasn’t feeling like getting murdered by some vengeful spirit. (I think I may have watched too much Supernatural.) So upon opting out of being murdered, I sat down on a small bench, just outside of the park. “BUT LEXI THAT’S NOT ANY SAFER!!” Yes I can hear you scream that at me. I laughed at my odd internal narration. The rain had stopped and I was left alone with just the sound of my heart beat.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-Bum. Ba-bum… Shhhhhh just breathe. Just breathe. You’ll be okay. It’s not over yet. Just breathe. Just breathe. Let me hold your hand. Don’t give in. Don’t forget who you are. Just breathe. Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

I sat there until the sun began to creep up over the horizon. The bright hues of orange and purple sprayed across the sky. The stars fled to the other side of the world and I wished they’d take me with them. I didn’t want them to go just yet.

I began my silent walk back to the hotel. The world was beginning to come alive. The birds were chirping and hunting for grub. Upon arriving at the hotel, I jogged to my room and hopped into the shower. It was 5 A.M then, Damian and Cleo wouldn’t be up till at least 7.

“Two more hours of freedom.” I whispered, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. “Remember Lexi, this is your book. Your baby. You’ve done good. People will, most likely, like your book.”

After my shower, I dried my hair and got dressed. It was 6 when I was finished. I sat down on my bed and turned on the tv. Not much was on at this time, which was fine with me. I used the news as background noise as I scrolled through Instagram. My siblings had posted a few things, mainly pictures of my nephews and nieces. My friends showed their activities. My costars posted about their families and movies they were in. I hadn’t posted since yesterday. It was a rare occurrence for me to post, I was like Tom in that way. But I also had less of a fan following than he did. I hadn’t even gotten close to a million followers, which didn’t matter to me… But Cleo on the other hand, well let’s just say it was the one of her main focuses.

Suddenly I heard my name on the tv, I grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

“Alexis Scanlan, Lyncoln on the hit TV show Suits, has traveled to London, England as her first stop on her book tour.” The woman announced, looking at her cohost. “So what do you think?”

“Well, based off of the Instagram posts, she and Tom are going to hang out. And there are a few pictures circulating the web of them meeting at her hotel and leaving together.” The other female announcer replied. “Now Anna, both have stated, separately, that they are just friends. But the fans have seemed to not believe that much.”

“True Susanna, Tom’s fans are beginning to call the ships Osterland and Toxi.” Anna answered with a wide smile. “It’s beginning to be hashtagged across the internet. And photos are being circulated around fan blogs.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? This is what they want to talk about?”

“Look how cute she is with those two!” Susanna exclaimed. “I mean, Lexi fits perfectly with both boys. Either way it would be perfect.”

“Oh my word, let the ship wars begin.” I thought.“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!”

“There was a poll put up online, made by Buzzfeed, and so far Toxi is winning the most fans!’ Anna added.

“GAAAH!” I groaned and muted the TV. “Nope, nope, not today.”

I heard a knock at my door, so I rolled off my bed and slid over to the door. Damian was standing holding his makeup kit. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was messy.

“Whoa there Damian, are you okay?” I asked, taking a step back. “Did you even sleep last night?”

“Honestly, I barely slept. But I’ll be okay.” Damian replied, trying to smile. “Now let’s make you lookfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!”

I laughed and nodded. I knew that Damian didn’t really want to tell me what was going on. So I let him keep that to himself and began to talk about other things.

“So, any new news?” I inquired.

“Oh honey….” Damian laughed.

“Spill the tea.” I demanded. “Spill it now.”

Damian’s eyes sparkled. “Well, I bet you’ve already heard about the polls about which British boy should be your bae.”

I rolled my eyes, laughed, and nodded, but gestured for him to continue talking.

“Well, I think that is adorable, but also a wee bit creepy.” Damian continued, pulling out his makeup brushes. “I think you’d look good with both…. But I like Harrison the best.”

“Oooooo, you like Osterland!” I laughed. “Cool, I think. That is a wee bit creepy. But that’s fine bro, you do you boo.”

Damian laughed and shrugged. I was glad that I had moderately distracted him from the drama of yesterday.

Damian finished up my makeup and we stood to leave.

“Hey D?” I began. “Remember, I love you and you are a great person and I will personally fight anyone who says otherwise.”

Damian smiled at me. “Thanks, Ally-bug.”

Now I have many nicknames, compliments of my name. So from Alexis, my friends have gotten: Alex, Ally, Ally-bug, Al(I have terrible memories with that one), Lexis, Lexington, Lexi, Lex, Alexa(Seriously ever since Amazon came out with that thing….), Lav(Don’t ask, only Maddy is allowed to use that one).

Damian always calls me Ally-bug when we have a brother-sister moment. I was glad to have him around even when we bickered and just were plain annoying.

We walked out the door and standing outside was Cleo. I inhaled sharply and took a step back. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting her to be there, I just forgot that she had a thing for lurking. I forced myself to smile at her. Cleo smiled back, however it looked like a grimace.

“Ready to go, Cleo?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Let’s get this over with shall we?” She retorted.

I rolled my eyes and glided past her to the elevator. Damian was right on my heels and Cleo took up the rear. She looked as if she was herding cats and I felt like I was being tracked by a Doberman.

We entered the elevator and took the slow, awkward ride to the first floor. When the door opened we were bombarded by paparazzi and my security detail quickly made a large gap between me and the cameras. I smiled at one of the photographers and kept walking. Photography made me think of my two friend Joseph and Patrick. I had a lot of friends that I kept tabs on as I traveled.

We arrived at my entourages vehicles and quickly got in. Cameras were everywhere and the flashes were blinding. As soon as my butt hit the seat, I leaned back and exhaled. Cleo was sitting across from me with her legs crossed and her lips pursed.

“Alright kid, you know the drill.” Cleo hissed.

“Yep! Sign my books, speak a bit about my series, answer questions, and smile for photos.” I replied, giving Cleo a thumbs up.

She nodded, confirming my assessment of the day. Cleo stayed silent for the rest of the drive, looking at her phone. Damian was filing his nails, as he does when he is nervous. So I took it upon myself to gaze out the window like an emo child. The London sights passed by my window in a blur.

Soon we arrived at the bookstore I was featured in. I did a nervous shiver and put a smile on my face. Outside of the bookstore where screaming girls and boys alike. I laughed with surprise and happiness.

As soon as I got out of the car, the screams got louder. I waved at the fans and smiled. I was ushered inside by my security detail. I quickly sat down and picked up a pen.

“Alright ladies and gents! Let the hand cramping commence!” I cheered.

My security guards chuckled and opened the door. A whole flood of people swarmed into the building. I was a bit overwhelmed but I continued to smiled and looked up at the first person at my table. Between young girls and full grown men, my fanbase was actually quite large. After the last person came through the line and was ushered into the seating room, where I’d answer questions and all jazz, my hand was cramping hardcore.

I walked in, sat down on my stool, and smiled.

“Hey everyone!” I waved. “Glad you all made it and got here safely. So according to my schedule, I’m gonna tell you about how I came up with this book series…. That alright by you guys?”

The room erupted into cheers.

“Alright, I’ll take that as a solid yes.” I grinned. “When I was eight years old, I came up for the idea for ‘Drila, Land of the Exiled’. I was, and still am, a very imaginative child. I loved the thought of being able to transform into a dragon or any animal for that matter…. Well any animal except spiders, those things are freaking scary!”

Laughter peppered the air.

“Anyway, Drila initially began as a daydream I would have before I would fall asleep. I was Nickie, the sassy, snarky, badass little sister. The only girl in a herd of boys, which as much as I based this off of my family, my sister and I are combined as Nickie. And unlike, this loveable heroine, I only have four brothers not six.” I took a deep breath before continuing, “Anyway, I felt like a whole world of exiles destined to change the fate of their world and of earth’s was the best freaking idea I had ever had.”

I took a breath and smiled. “And so, I began to write in a little notebook. I didn’t have my own laptop, so I made do with what I could. Also, my brain moved faster than I could type way back then. So thus Drila, the Land of the Exiled began. I wrote as much as I could and when I ran out of ideas, I daydreamed, watched tv, and read to fill up my creative juices. When I finished my baby, I began to type it up. I would also explain my ideas to my friends and anyone who asked. Once, when I was 16, someone told me that I stole my ideas from “The Hunger Games”, to which I replied with a growl and a snap,  “Yeah, I was 8 when I came up for this, The friggin’ Hunger Games didn’t exist then.” Sassy then, sassy now. And that’s the hella short version of how I came up with this book series.”

The crowd laughed and cheered. I beamed and took a sip of my water.

“Next on the agenda, oh how I loathe agendas, is a little Q and A. So what questions do y’all have for me?” I inquired. “And if you wouldn’t mind, introduce yourself. I like meeting new people and I am crap with names.”

The group laughed and a wave of whispers sprayed across the room. Finally a young girl, black hair and hazel eyes, around the age of 12, stood and the microphone was passed to her.

“Hi… My name is Anne and I wanted to ask you about your inspiration for the character Reaper?” Anne quickly spoke into the mic.

“Ah, the infamous Reaper!” I grinned. “Awesome question Anne! So Reaper is like an extension of myself if I was an emo boy. Ha, but seriously, Reaper steams from those negative emotions I have and his quick temper is very similar to mine when I was younger. Reaper feels a lot and understands more than he lets on. Which is what I often did when I was the youngest in the group. Reaper is a major powerhouse and a force to be reckoned with, which again is what I became as I got older. Sorry for the long answer but Reaper, in essence, is me.”

Anne beamed and sat back down. The mic was passed down the line to my assistants in the rows.

More questions flooded in and I answered them all with my own sassy flair. Luckily, no one asked about Tom and Haz. Honestly, it was the farthest thing from my mind as I went to take photos with my fans.

After that event was over, I collapsed into the seat of my car. I was exhausted and felt like I had run thousands of miles. (And honey I don’t exercise.) I sighed contentedly and looked over at Damian and then at Cleo. Both seemed as exhausted as I was, which was fine with me. I opened up Instagram and posted a few photos from the event.“Awesome time with my fans! Love you all thanks for supporting me through this adventure! #littlelexithings #fansmakemyday #drilalandoftheexiled #cantwaittodothisagain”.

I put my phone in my lap and looked out the window. I thought of my friends and hoped they were doing good. I prayed softly for them, it had been awhile since I had heard from the majority of my companions. Most of them were in Europe, while some were in the States. We had met at a Bible school, it was one of the best years of my life.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up.

“OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I squealed.

Damian and Cleo looked at me with a mix of shock and horror.

“Uh dude, what the hell?” Damian finally spoke, breaking out of his stupor.

“Nothing.” I replied. “Just friend of mine texted me. Sorry, just lemme be excited about this!”

Yeah, I wasn’t going to tell them about my Austrian friend. Damian would lord that over me for the rest of my life. It had been a solid 3 weeks since we had talked. We meet at the Bible school, I had attended in my home state. Now while Damian thought I had never gotten over James, which was sorta true, there were more boys then I let on. Now I was the perpetually single sibling, which sucked but as I probably have said before, I’m used to it. Now I developed a crush on Patrick, the Austrian. Yep, this was my friend who did photography, he also was a hella amazing chef. (You’ll understand soooo much more later) But that isn’t the point, Cleo and I had agreed that once I was done with my book tour, I would be allowed to come back to Europe and travel. During that time, Damian would be given time off and he was going to go visit his family. Cleo, of course, was going to keep tabs on my publicity. I would only have a few security guards with me during this time. So essentially I could visit my brother in Spain and Patrick in Austria and just travel in general. Of course, I would go and visit Tom and Harrison.

After my book tour was finished and I made my last stop. I went home to Colorado to see my family. Most of my siblings came home to see me. Specifically, my brothers and their wives and their kids. And my sister and her girlfriend. They interrogated me about my friendship with Tom and Harrison, which I gladly answered all the questions. We were all sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and watching the children.

It was good to finally be home and be with the people who couldn’t care less that I was famous. They kept me grounded when no one else could. It was my mission for them.

Soon after, I was all packed and in a plane to Spain. I had my earbuds in and was drawing in my sketchbook. I was wearing my Manly Beach, Australia hoodie, blue jeans, and converse. Thankfully, I had a window seat. Next to me was a preteen girl and what appeared to be her older brother. The girl was reading my book and grinning. The boy had his headphones in and was watching the tv. I went back to my sketching and was switching out my colored pencils when we hit a patch of turbulence and my eraser went flying onto the girl’s book.

“Oh fadoodle cakes.” I hissed, glaring at my wayward eraser.

“Oh here you- Oh my gosh! You’re Alexis Scanlan! You wrote this book!” The girl squealed holding my eraser.

“Uh, yeah… Hi there…” I grinned. “That’s me! And you are?”

“Oh. I’m Piper!” Piper quickly replied, handing me my eraser.

“Nice to meet you.” I took my eraser back and grinned. “So, be honest, what do you think of the book?”

“Oh, I love it!” Piper exclaimed. “I really like the siblings! I mean, I like Connor and Max.”

“Oh awesome!!!! They’re a pretty good pair.” I grinned.

“But Reaper and Nickie are like my brother and me.” She continued.

“Oh awesome!” I nodded. “I let you get back to reading.”

She smiled and reopened her book. I went back to my sketch. The trip didn’t seem to last much longer after that. We landed in Madrid. Piper and her brother exited the plane, I grinned because when she opened to the front cover I had left her a note.

I quickly grabbed my luggage and hailed a cab. I was going to meet with my brother at the train station and I couldn’t wait to see them. When they had come home on furlough, I hadn’t been able to visit them. And I had promised my nieces and nephew that I would come and give them some gifts.

My phone buzzed with a text from Tom.

Tom: “Hey Lex!!!! Saw the photos from your book signing! It looked amazing!”

Me: “Aw, thanks Tom!!! It was really amazing and the fans were so supportive and fun.”

Tom: “So are you coming to London again?”

Me: “I have a few stops before I’ll be coming to visit you and Tessa.”

Tom: “Wait, where are you going?”

Me: “To see my oldest brother A.J. obviously! Well him, his wife, and their kiddos. I haven’t seen them in sooooooo long! So I’m in Spain, then I’m going to be traveling around Europe.”

Tom: “Oh epic! Tell them Spider-Man says hi!!!!”

Me: “Elijah would love that! He loves Spider-Man! Well Batman is first, but Spider-Man is pretty darn close.”

Tom: “Ew no! BATMAN! BATMAN BEAT ME?!?!?!”

Me: “Dude, hakuna your tatas, he’s like 6 dude.”

My stop finally arrived and I quickly exited the train. Most of my luggage, which actually wasn’t that much, was with my security in France. I had my purse, backpack, and a small suitcase with me. I looked just like any other tourist, which was fine with me. Most of the time the paparazzi couldn’t find me anyway.

“AUNT LEXI!” A small female voice shrieked.

I whipped around to locate the voice. Jumping up and down were my two nieces, Rachel and Lissie, and my nephew, Elijah.

“Minions!” I shouted back and quickly walked to them.

I was mobbed by the kids. I hugged my brother and his wife.

“Oh my goodness it is good to see you!” I exclaimed. “You have to tell me everything that you have been up too!”

“Yeah, but let’s get moving to the house and we can talk then.” A.J. said.

I nodded and we began walking. Rachel and Elijah began bombarding me with information on what they had been doing the last couple days. Mainly they had school, but they loved school. Lucky them, just wait till they get hit with Algebra.

We arrived at the house and the kiddos ran off to play with their toys. A.J., Kristin, and I sat in the living room.

“How was your flight?” Kristin asked.

“Actually, it was really good! I was sitting by a girl who loved my book!” I answered with a smile. “She was a sweetheart.”

“Oh that’s really cool Lex.” A.J. commented. “We heard about you and Tom Holland…”

“Oh good heavens, we are just friends A.J.!!” I groaned. “Come on dude, not you too!”

They laughed and A.J. just shrugged. The kids came barreling into the room in their superhero costumes. Elijah was Ironman. Rachel was Black Widow and Lissie was Hawkeye.

“Oh look at that! My favorite heroes!” I clapped. “Guess what Elijah?”

“What?” Elijah asked, looking up at me with his big, brown eyes.

“Spider-Man told me to say hi.”

“Really?!”

“Yep!”

“Cool! Tell him hi!” Elijah cheered.

“Of course dude!” I unlocked my phone to alert Tom to my nephew’s joy.

Me: “Yo Tommy boy! My nephew says hi to Spider-Man.”

Tom: “Awwww, I’m glad. How is it so far?”

Me: “Uh dude, it is freaking awesome! The kiddos are running around screaming and later we are going to go walk around an sightsee. I’m only here for a couple days so I have to spend as much time with them as possible.”

Tom: “Where is your next stop?”

Me: “Uh, France. Why?”

Tom: “Mind if I meet you there?”

Me: “Well of course not! That would be awesome!”

Tom: “Epic!”

The rest of my time with family was fun. But all good things must come to an end. Before I knew it I was back on a plane headed to France. I had hugged my brother and his family goodbye and entered the train station alone. I reflected on all of this on my plane ride to Paris. I knew Tom was gonna meet me there, but it made me worried about everyone else would say. Mainly the media was my concern, but that wasn’t too big of a deal. I could handle shitty press all the time. I leaned back in my seat, Cleo made me get first class seating for this flight. I felt weird being up with all those rich folks. I put my headphones in and began blasting Marianas Trench into my brain.

“And I thought you'd feel the same as me. It's time that I come clean, but, But for now can we just both pretend to sleep. Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need. What goes around don't come around. You should know me by now.” I whispered to myself.

The view from the plane window was breathtaking. The ocean was spreading towards the horizon. The sun was setting so the sky was turning orange and pink. I snapped a picture and posted. “Sunsets, when viewed from the window of a plane, is sooooo freaking amazing!!! As I once read, “When an artist dies, God lets them paint the sky to say goodbye.” #littlelexithings #amazing #stunning.”

I leaned back in my chair, once again, and closed my eyes. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep, but I couldn’t keep staring at my phone screen.

The plane descended down to the airport. I quickly grabbed my carry-on and sped walked out of the plane to the baggage claim. Upon retrieving my luggage, I made my way to the front of the airport, since I needed to meet my security detail.

“LEXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What in the name of - HOLY SWEET BABY JESUS!” I was glomped from behind and almost fell over.

“Helloooooo.” A voice, sounding like pre-teen boy, met my ears.

“Tom… Your American accent sucks.” I sighed.

“Wow, savage.” Tom commented, poking my side and letting me go.

“As always.” I winked and adjusted my shoulder bag. “You need to not glomp me though you dork, I almost punched you.”

“Oh please, as if.” Tom rolled his eyes.

We began to continue our trek to the front of the airport. People were pointing and whispering. I just pulled on my hoodie and kept my eyes toward the ground. I wasn’t about to be mass mobbed by screaming teenage girls who would murder me if there was an inkling of suspicion that I was with Tom. We made it to the doors and both of us went to our separate enturages.

“Hey Chet.” I said, sliding into the backseat.

“Hello Lexi, how was your flight?” Chet asked starting up the car.

“It was good, first class is weird for me though.” I answered, shrugging off my shoulder bag. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thanks for asking.” Chet smiled at me and began driving.

My phone buzzed and I groaned.

“You have got to be kidding me…. Oh. It’s Tom.”

Tom: “Lexi, I know we literally just said goodbye… But would you want to meet by the Eiffel Tower tomorrow at 7AM?”

Me: “7 in the morning? You are a barbarian. -_- Sure why not! I hadn’t made an itinerary yet.”

Tom: “Awesome! Don’t be late!”

Me: “You clearly have never met me…. I’m never late. I arrive precisely when I mean to.”

We arrived at my hotel and brought my things to my room. My entire entourage was chilling in the room moving stuff around.

“Hey boys! Miss me?” I asked, dramatically sliding into the room.

Chet chuckled behind me and set down my suitcase. There was a chorus of “Yeah”s and “Hey Lexi!”s. I hugged each one of the boys and began to pull my clothes out of the suitcases and hang them up. Later that day, I was sitting on my bed inhaling a croissant and minding my own business, when Chet barged into my room.

“HOLY CHEESE BISCUITS!” I yelped throwing my croissant at Chet.

“What in the world?!” Chet exclaimed, catching the flying pastry.

“Have you heard of, OH I DUNNO, KNOCKING?!?!?!” I shouted, throwing my pillow at him.

“Alright, alright, I get it. Breathe Alex, breathe.” Chet chuckled, handing me my pastry and sitting down on the lounge chair. “You need to rest up, which you seem to be doing just fine. And then you’ll have to tell me your plans so we can keep tabs on you.”

“I’m meeting Tom Holland at the Eiffel Tower tomorrow.” I replied, laying down. “That’s all I have planned for now.”

“You sure that is a good idea with all the press?” Chet asked, raising his brow.

“It will be fine!” I exclaimed. “Gooooosssshhhhhhh.”

“Oh don’t you groan at me shortstop.” Chet replied. “I get paid to keep your skinny ass safe.”

“I’m black, nothing on me is skinny.” I snorted.

Chet rolled his eyes and stood up. “Rest up Alex. I’ll check in on you in a bit.”

As soon as he walked out the door, I fell back and closed my eyes. Napping would’ve been great, but for some reason my body decided that it was not time for a nap. Oh no, that would have been nice, but instead I sat up and turned on the celebrity news station instead. They were mainly talking about the French actors and actresses. Now that was refreshing. It hadn’t been very long since the gossip sections blew up with pictures of Tom and me. I fell back and scrolled through my instagram page. Not much had changed, except all the comments on my photo. My small fan following always brought a smile to my face. As I made my way through the comments and replied to them, I got a notification that I was tagged in a post.

“Who would have posted a photo of me….?” I muttered. “Harrison?”

The photo wasn’t recent, because last time I hung out with them both was at least 2 months ago. The photo was one of the many that Tom’s mom Nicki had taken when I was there. However, it brought a smile to my face. I liked the post and stared at it for a couple minutes. It was the three of us sitting on a fence. I was between the boys, we were all laughing our heads off. I was holding a small bunch of flowers with a few scattered in my hair. Tom was pointing at Harrison and Harrison was shrugging. Nicki had told us to just interact like we normally would. And so we did. The photo blew up with likes and comments.

Sassy but Classy “Oh she is so lucky!”

Marzipan “Attention whore! Get lost no one likes you @lexis_scanlan.”

Key “Hey Marzipan leave her alone! She is amazing!”

@osterlandrules “OH YAS OSTERLAND 4 LIFE!!!!”

@lilacsandrainbows “No! Toxi for life! She is waaaaaaaaaaaay to good for Harrison!”

@dreams2befollowed “Ew, who does she think she is? Like girl go get a life. You ugly hoe.”

Marisol “YEAH GO HOME @lexis_scanlan YOU ARE SO UGLY!”

@tearsofangels “Such a stupid bitch. Doesn’t she realized that we’d all be better off if she was gone?”

I put down my phone and rolled my eyes. The hate was hard to read. But the ship wars were getting to be a bit much. I was never going to date Tom, at least I wasn’t planning on it. Relationships and I just didn’t mix. There were too many bad memories from failed crushes and that one relationship that I never wanted to talk about.

I layed down and closed my eyes. I would have sunk into a well of sorrow if it wasn’t for the fact exhaustion took over and I fell into a dreamless slumber. I was out until my alarm went off for the next day, at 6AM. I hit my phone and sat up.

“Good lord….” I rubbed my eyes. “Why Tom, why have I agreed to this? Tell me whyyyyyy.”

I sat up and walked over to my closet. I grabbed my red plaid, sleeveless dress and my red converse and put them on. I clasped on my camera necklace and grabbed my camera themed backpack, phone case and cameras. Today was a themed day and I had no regrets. I grabbed my roomkey and was out the door. As the elevator doors closed behind me, I sent Chet a text informing him that I was leaving for the Eiffel Tower. I stepped out of the elevator and beelined it to the exit. As soon as I was outside the cool air smacked into me.

“Aaaaahhhh yaaaaaaaaaaaaas.” I thought, “Can you feel the love tonight? Oh good lord Lexi this is why you are single.”

I pulled out my phone and put in my earbuds. I turned on “I like me better” by Lauv and began walking towards the Eiffel tower. I bobbed my head along with my music and practically skipped most of the way there. My phone buzzed, which caused me to slow down a bit. (Don’t text and walk kids! You could walk into a pole.)

Tom: “Hey Lexi! I’m almost to the tower, where are you?”

Me: “Well to be honest, I dunno, I just know I can see the tower and it is getting bigger.”

Tom: “Ah yes, because that makes it so much easier to find you.”

Me: “Shut up!”

Me: “Lemme send you a pin of my location at the moment.”

Tom: “Got it.”

Tom: “You are slow.”

Me: “Child I will end you.”

Tom: “Nah, you love me.”

Me: “Debatable.”

I continued walking and got to a crosswalk. Tom called me literally .2 seconds later.

“Duuuude whaaaaaaaaaat?!” I groaned.

“I can see you hold up.” Tom replied.

I didn’t see him, but that wasn’t uncommon for me to not see what was right in front of me. I turned to the right briefly, and regretted it. Freaking Tom grabbed my sides and scared the crap out of me.

“HOLY SNICKERDOODLES IN HELL!” I shouted, removing myself from his grasp.

“Seriously?” Tom asked, laughing at me.

“Child you wanna die?” I snapped, flipping my hair out of my eyes.

Tom held up his hands in surrender and grinned. I rolled my eyes and turned away and started to walk away.

“Aw hey! Lexi don’t be like that.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me to a full stop. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me here alone.”

“Eh whatever.” I pulled my arm away and laughed. “Don’t ever scare me like that again!”

Tom snickered and pulled me across the street. “Come on Lexi! We’re almost there!”

I stumbled behind him and almost took out a random French woman.

“Sorry!” I called back. “Tom, slow down! As Baymax once said, ‘I am not fast’.”

Tom winced and slowed down. I caught up and grinned at him. We walked in a comfortable silence and I gazed at the sights. After a little while, Tom pulled me to a stop and turned my head. We had arrived. It was as breathtaking as I imagined it to be.

“Holy…..” I exhaled.

“Pretty amazing huh?” Tom asked looking at me with a grin.

“Amazing?! It’s freaking fantastic! I just-  WOW!” I turned to him, bouncing on my toes and began to take picures.

Tom grinned and poked my cheek. I slapped away his hand and rolled my eyes. We stood looking up at the Tower looming above us. I exhaled slowly and turned to Tom.

“Alright, I guess staring at this architectural wonder is great, but now I’m hungry.” I said, my stomach growling to punctuate my point.

“Whoa there.” Tom laughed, tapping my stomach. “There is this really cool French cafe you’d love! I’ll buy!”

“What’s it called?” I asked “Wait no Tom don’t pay!”

“It’s called Bistrot de la tour Eiffel!” Tom replied. “No it’s my treat! I made you get up this early, it is the least I can do!”

“Toooooooommmmmm.” I groaned. “Not cool dude.”

“You’re my friend! And I made you get up and hang out with me.” Tom grinned, pulling me into a steady walking pace.

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Tom slipped his hand into mine when we walked into a large group of people. He gave me a small grin and I smiled back. I held hands with my friends all the time, mainly so I wouldn’t lose them in a crowd or something. We made it to the little cafe and got seated. The staff seemed to recognize Tom right off the bat. I was just another face in the crowd at the moment, which honestly was one of the reasons I could walk out of my hotel room without having a security detail. Anyway, Tom and I ordered off the menu. I struggled with the French and continued to apologise for messing all the words up. The waiter didn’t seem to mind, just smiled, and told me that he was glad that I tried. As soon as the waiter left, I pulled out my phone to take a selfie.

“Tom lean over. It’s selfie time.” I chirped.

Tom squinted at me and smiled. I took a quick picture and nodded. It was a good one. Tom pulled out his phone, but I paid no mind until he started talking.

“Hey guys! Just chilling in France with one of my favorite humans! Say hi Lexi!” Tom said, looking at me.

“Oh come on Tom! I’m not even wearing makeup! Or even look that good.” I groaned, covering my face.

“Come on! I know you’re not shy!” Tom pleaded.

“Fiiiiiiiiine.” I shrugged, lowering my hands. “Hey everyone!”

“She’s tired. Because we got up at 6 to see the sunrise! So, I’m getting her breakfast, like the awesome friend I am.” Tom said, winking at the camera.

He put his phone down and looked me.

“What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

“You look concerned.” Tom replied. “My fans love you!”

“Most of them Tom…. Some of them would rather have my head on a pike and me being burned.” I replied, running my hands through my hair. “Tom, have you even read the comments on your posts with me in them?! Or even Harrison’s?”

Tom looked me dead in the eye and placed his hand over mine. “Yeah, I have. But that doesn’t change the fact that we are friends! Heck people bullied Jacob all the time, but that changes nothing.”

“But-” I began to object.

“Shhhhh no. No buts.” Tom interrupted me. “Oh look! Food’s coming.”

I turned expectantly toward the waiter and grinned. My stomach rumbled in anticipation. Tom laughed at me, as the waiter set down my food.

“Merci!” I chirped.

The waiter smiled at me as he walked away. Tom picked up his phone and quickly took a picture of us with our plates. As soon as Tom put his phone down, we dug into our food. We sat eating in silence, just listening to the tourists and the locals chatting around us. It was nice to just relax and not think about the real world.

We finally began to talk after making it halfway through out meals. We were laughing and talking about basic things. Tom told me all about how his family was doing and gushed about Tessa. I gushed about my nieces and nephews and my family. We discussed future acting jobs and I explained my book tour. Tom told me I should audition for this movie he was trying for. To that, I almost laughed. Me? In a movie with Tom? That was a dream that wasn’t going to happen. But I agreed that I would look into it.

Tom paid our bill. We exited the building and began walking down the street. My phone dinged, so naturally I looked at it.

“Sweet baby Jesus….” I muttered. “Tom, check this out.”

Tom took my phone and snorted. “Wow, they are fast.”

Covering my phone screen was an array of photos of Tom and me. Us at the Eiffel Tower. Us walking hand in hand to the cafe. Us eating our meal laughing.

I was impressed and slightly horrified. With all true honesty, I had never gotten used to the attention I received from the paparazzi. You could’ve been eating a baguette in a bikini on the Caribbean and they would it it up. Y’all think I’m joking. Yeah nope, I’m not.

Anywaaaaaay, Tom and I continued on our way. I took pictures of the flowers and the skyline. Tom was doing a live video next to me, chatting away with his fans.

“Lexi! Rachel Santiago says ‘Hello!!!!!’ to you!” Tom said, turning the phone towards me.

“Oh hello Rachel! Hope you are having a great day!” I smiled at the camera and waved.

Tom beamed at me and continued talking. And I continued to take all the photos. We didn’t need to talk much, because of the livestream. And honestly, walking in silence was okay with me. We walked, the long way, back to the tower.

“Hey Lexi?”

“Yeah Tom?”

“This was fun. We need to do this more often.”

I ran my hands through my hair and grinned. “I would love that!”

We stopped at the bottom of the tower.

“Wanna go up?” Tom asked.

“Oh heeeelllllll no.” I said quickly.

“What? Why?”

“Afraid of heights.” I replied, shrugging. “I thought I told you that already.”

Tom shrugged. “Maybe, I’ll hold your hand if you want….”

“I would rather die….” I muttered.

“If you don’t want to we don’t have to.” Tom replied.

“Well since I’m here, I should…..” I mused. “Alright, let’s do it. Just let me hold onto you for reassurance.”

“Of course, there’s an elevator.” Tom said, guiding me towards the tower. “I wouldn’t make you walk up stairs.”

“Good, cuz that was never going to happen.” I grinned, twisting my ring around my finger.

“Just remember, I’ve got you.” Tom said, looking into my eyes and grabbing my hands.

I grinned at him weakly. I was nowhere near being ready for this moment. But I took a deep breath and began forcing my legs to take me to the elevator. We stepped inside, with a large amount of tourists. Most of them were to busy talking to each other to even notice the fact that to celebrities were pressed up against them, which I was fine with. I grabbed Tom’s hand and squeezed it tight, as I could feel my anxiety kicking in. Tom smiled down at me and squeezed my hand back. We arrived at the top and exited the elevator.

My heart practically stopped beating when the wind met me. I froze and turned to Tom.

“I-I can’t.” I whispered.

I lifted my hands in defeat, every part of my body just froze. Tom seemed to understand my discomfort.

“Alright, we’ll get you down, just let’s get out of the way first.” Tom said gently.  

I nodded, took a deep breath, and moved forward. As much as my body wanted to turn the fuck around and get out, I forced it to move. I inched forward with Tom right beside me. As soon as the people were out of the way, we entered the elevator and began the ride back down. I looked down at my hands in shame. Oh, how I wished I could have just kept it together for a little bit longer. Why did I have to shut down all the time?

The intrusive thoughts took over and I felt the tears brimming in my eyes. Stupid, stupid, stupid….

The door opened and I stumbled out, quickly brushing the tears off my cheeks.

“Lexi? Are you okay?” Tom asked, touching my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m all good.” I replied quickly, giving him a thumbs up.

Tom cocked his head at me and didn’t reply. I could tell he didn’t believe me. But that wasn’t really what I was concerned about at that moment. What caught my attention was the small mob of paparazzi that seemed to have materialized out of freaking nowhere.

“Oh shit.” Tom exhaled looking the same direction I was frowning at. “They are fucking fast.”

“Yeah, that ain’t right.” I nodded. “Welp, I’m done here.”

I turned around and grabbed Tom’s hand. I pulled him into the crowd, weaving through the tourists. I wasn’t sure if I had gotten us out of the site of the mob of cameras. But, I didn’t really care too much. It was already too late to keep ourselves hidden completely. I shook my head and crossed my arms turning to look at Tom. He stopped and smiled at me.

“You are fast! You liar.” Tom exclaimed laughing.

“Nooooo….” I muttered, running my hands through my hair. “I was just motivated to get the fuck out.”

Tom just shook his head and we kept walking. But all good things have to come to an end, my phone buzzed with the alert that it was time for me to head back to the hotel. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to have to go face the reality otherwise known as “Dealing with Cleo”.

“I hate to do this, but I have to go back and face the wrath of Cleo.” I turned to face him with a frown. “I get to discuss my schedule for my book tour and then some different auditions I might want to check out, ya know.”

“Yeah, that makes sense…” Tom replied, nodding. “I understand completely. I’ll walk you back.”

And thus, that was the end of my day with Tom. Tom didn’t say anything as we walked past the tourists and over the bridges. I kept my hands at my sides and looked at the ground. Cleo was gonna rip into me, that was for certain. Damian told me that I had a lot of clothing fittings and style choices for the evening. Media was screaming at me to date/get my shit together. Tom looked at me with a small smile and squeezed my hand. We arrived at the hotel. I said a quick goodbye to Tom. As I turned to go into the hotel, Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me back. The kiss to my temple was fast, as if it never happened. I stumbled into the hotel. My mind was on a thousand things at once. My dreams. Those ships. And the OTP wars.