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Boruto: Road to Dad by Kyuutacchi

Anime » Naruto Rated: T, Indonesian, Family & Hurt/Comfort, Words: 7k+, Favs: 26, Follows: 23, Published: May 8, 2016 Updated: May 22, 2016

18Chapter 1 : How It All Begin

-~0~-

Road to Dad

By Kyuutacchi

Disclaimer © Masashi Kishimoto

Genre : Hurt/Comfort, Family, Adventure, (Mostly Angst).

Rating : T (maybe subject to change)

Main Pairing: Pairing that has been Canon. ( Maybe a little Borusara )

WARNING :

MISS-TYPO / CRAP / IRREGULAR EYD / UNCERTAINLY FLUFF / SLIGHTLY-OOC / KRIUK-KRIUK.

SIDE EFFECT :

ATTENTION! IT CAN MAKE READERS BE DRUGED, MANY CLIFFHANGERS, LEFT, BEEN FITNED, OR DIFITNESS—eh that means defamed!

PLEASE BRING ENOUGH MEDICINE EQUIPMENT TO HANDLE THE ANGST PLAN IN THIS STORY.

-~0~-

Summary :

Naruto and Boruto fight again, though not as badly as it was back then. In the end, Boruto prefers to carry out a long mission with his team—to stay away from his father. After completing the mission, Boruto and Sarada go for a walk and find a small town. There, they were offered a delicious dish similar to ramen. Unbeknownst to them, they are trapped in a genjutsu, where they are trapped in a world they know nothing about. The world—which makes Boruto and Sarada more grateful for their present life. [Boruto : ROAD TO NINJA ver.]

-~0~-

A/N: hOLA, it's a typo, right? I'm a new author, salken. This is the first Naruto fic that I post on FFN. It's been a long time in the Naruto fandom, but I can only make a story now. First of all, I want to thank my friend who has already BETA-in, Servark .

Long story short, Naruto and friends don't have an author, but Kishimoto's, I just borrowed the anime characters to carry out this story...

Chapter 1 – How It All Begin.

"You old man! Ugly! senile!"

"EHH—what are you as 'ttebayo?!"

"I said OLD MAN, UGLY, PI—"

"I KNOW! You don't have to do it again!"

"Abis, it sucks!"

"Heehh?! Add hold~!"

Konohamaru took a deep breath and checked the clock on the wall. They've been yelling at each other for more than 15 minutes. Whether it's "Malin kundang" or "Pak Haji Bolot". Konohamaru really couldn't take it anymore.

"HORRAAA~!" Konohamaru exclaimed. Boruto and Naruto fell silent at the same time.

"Nanadaime, can we skip to the part where this mission is signed?" Konohamaru's right eye twitched. This jounin's patience is really running out.

Naruto glanced at his son once more, then signed the file Konohamaru handed him. "Sorry to trouble you Konohamaru, but… it's an A rank mission. I meant to give it to Lee or at least Mirai, but, since they can't, I guess you and your team can take it." said the Hokage. Konohamaru carefully scanned the map containing the A rank mission files in question.

Meanwhile, Boruto crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked away. Really, this kid is so easily baper . Where did he get that trait from?

"Sorry, Nanadaime-sama. I can't accept all these missions. My team has done a lot and maybe they want to take a vacation from this activity. Isn't that right, Boruto?" Konohamaru asked his student's opinion on that one. He hoped that Boruto – this time – could be invited to negotiate.

Boruto glanced slowly. Unintentionally, his young sapphire iris met the Hokage's sapphire iris.

Naruto smirked, "Maybe your teacher is right, Boruto. You look tired. Maybe it's time for you to rest. Besides, think about how many slurpees and smoothies you can buy later." teased the Nanadaime. Boruto flinched and his shoulders stiffened. How could his father know the lazy plans he had arranged in such a way?

"…or, can you complete even one A-Rank mission?"

Don't treat me like a child .

Boruto wants his father to admit it—to acknowledge how mature he is now.

Not advising and reprimanding me anymore.

Boruto doesn't want to be lectured at length by his father. His father wasn't a preacher, but he was incredibly chatty, and Boruto didn't like that.

I just want to hear your childhood stories .

Not infrequently Boruto admire stories about his father, long before he became a hokage. These stories are able to help Boruto through his difficult times.

But somehow, his father had now forgotten the first and second rules; did not treat himself like a child and did not advise and rebuke him. Even though his father sometimes joked or advised, there must have been some irritation in his mind. Or maybe this is what you call puberty ?

Without thinking, Boruto grabbed the mission file on the table and read it slowly. "Okay, who's scared, sh**** old man? " Boruto challenged Naruto. Raised his right eyebrow and smirked. He placed an A-rank mission file at random on his father's desk. Signaling the hokage to agree to his mission request.

Konohamaru almost choked when Naruto chuckled.

Naruto smiled sarcastically, " Good luck, you brat."

Konohamaru slapped his forehead and fell laughing. What Sarada and Mitsuki said, they received an A rank mission, because the Hokage's son and the Hokage had a small fight.

[]

Updates every week and wednesday. I hope you like the story I made. I just wanted to make this to celebrate Father's Day. But, hey ... every day is father's day! So, please criticism and suggestions, all of you!

See you soon ;)

-Kyuutacchi.

2 : The Mission

-~0~-

Road to Dad

By Kyuutacchi

Disclaimer © Masashi Kishimoto

Genre : Hurt/Comfort, Family, Adventure, (Mostly Angst).

Rating : T (maybe subject to change)

Main Pairing: Pairing that has been Canon. ( Maybe a little Borusara )

WARNING :

MISS-TYPO / CRAP / IRREGULAR EYD / UNCERTAINLY FLUFF / SLIGHTLY-OOC / KRIUK-KRIUK.

SIDE EFFECT :

ATTENTION! IT CAN MAKE READERS BE DRUGED, MANY CLIFFHANGERS, LEFT, BEEN FITNED, OR DIFITNESS—eh that means defamed!

PLEASE BRING ENOUGH MEDICINE EQUIPMENT TO HANDLE THE ANGST PLAN IN THIS STORY.

-~0~-

Summary :

-~0~-

A/N: Thank you very much for the review. Very valuable. And it motivates me to continue. Okay, I hope this chapter is better and entertaining than the previous one. If you have any questions, please ask in the review... e njoy !

Long story short, Naruto and friends don't have an author, but Kishimoto's, I just borrowed the anime characters to carry out this story...

Chapter 2 – The Mission.

Sarada yawned widely and adjusted the position of her glasses. His brows were knit together and his mouth was tightly shut. Trying to keep it from evaporating again. Mitsuki crossed his arms behind his head and stretched all his muscles. Konohamaru took off his blue scarf to correct his position and was about to wrap it around his neck, but he saw that one of his students was cold.

Boruto Uzumaki—rubs his palms together while blowing them. Little steam rose from his mouth as he exhaled.

Konohamaru stared at Boruto for a few minutes, until the one he was staring at realized. Boruto gasped and averted his face from Konohamaru's sight. His mouth advanced a few inches. Thus forming a pouty-face .

So cute , Konohamaru thought. Without being ordered, Konohamaru immediately wrapped his scarf around his student's neck. Not too tight, but not too loose either. Perfect for warming the neck.

"I didn't ask you to do all this," said Boruto who was still frowning.

Konohamaru sighed and raised an eyebrow, "I don't need your approval to take care of my students either," he said calmly and smiled lopsidedly.

Lost in the debate, Boruto finally chose to remain silent.

"This month, quite a lot of snow fell," Mitsuki added. He tried to ease the tension between them. Sarada nodded and raised her hand to wait for the snowflakes to fall on her hand. "Yeah yeah.."

Konohamaru's team continued to walk. This 5 day mission was not too difficult, but also more confusing than the usual missions they received. Sarada Uchiha decided to ask. Instead of enjoying the cold, it's better to divert his mind.

"Sensei, I still don't understand. Can you explain the details of this mission?"

Konohamaru turned his head for a moment while walking and then cleared his throat. Ah, it's time for his leadership aura to emerge!

"Ehem! You see…Sarada, my most beautiful student," he decided, pausing to get a response from his students. And in fact, their reactions were far from Konohamaru's expectations. Boruto snorted (even though his cheeks were a little red), Mitsuki smiled strangely, and Sarada laughed a little but with an awkward tone .

Ignoring everyone else, Konohamaru continued, "…Nanadaime assigned us, unfortunately , to an A rank mission." Suddenly, Mitsuki and Sarada were shocked. They didn't know the level of this mission at all until now. Well, except for Boruto.

"This mission asks for the specifications of a team with a high level of intelligence and great strength. And strangely again, this mission specifically asks Konoha to bring the blood of the Uchiha lineage," Sarada gasped but returned to focus on listening to Konohamaru's explanation. "This mission request was obtained from a small village located in the Land of Tea. They asked us to crack a code that seems to be very influential for the Five Great Shinobi Countries. Ma—"

"Wait! If it's related to the Five Great Countries, why are they asking Konoha ninja for help?" cut Sarada. Konohamaru nodded, "At first when I read the files about this mission I also wondered about it, but it seems there is something they didn't tell me." Konohamaru sighed, "…and it looks like Nanadaime didn't include any specifics in this mission either." For a moment, Konohamaru glanced briefly at Boruto, who seemed to be walking without heeding their conversation.

Sarada was silent hearing it all, as well as Mitsuki. "—As I wish to continue, it's still unknown why they asked for Uchiha clan blood, but my opinion might have something to do with the sharingan ."

Sarada touched her left eye. Thinking about what the sharingan is used for in this mission? Ah I don't know, he can't draw conclusions right now.

"Apparently, Nanadaime has asked Lord Uchiha's approval for all of this. And until now, Nanadaime has finally assigned this task to us. So in conclusion, in this mission, we must crack a code." Sarada flinched slightly when she heard her father had allowed her to go on this mission.

Konohamaru looked at his students one by one.

"I know maybe we are not a very bright team, but I really believe in the strength of this team. Plus mentally tough!"

Konohamaru smiled lopsidedly when he saw the fiery determination begin to glow in their eyes.

"So what do you think?"

"Let's complete this mission!" Sarada's grin was obvious. "That's right, Sarada said," Mitsuki smiled broadly and Konohamaru was suddenly provoked into smiling. But that smile disappeared when he saw Boruto who still folded his arms and turned his face away.

"Boruto?" Konohmaru provoked his student's answer. The boy with the blonde hair chuckled, "Come on, let's finish this mission. But don't be in a hurry either,"

Boruto may not want to admit it, but he doesn't want to return to the village too soon. He didn't want to meet his father just yet. And for some reason, it felt so annoying. That's why Boruto chose to serve his father—go on a rather long mission with his team.

Let it be, the important thing is to divert his mind for a while.

-~0~-

Arriving at the small village, Konohamaru instructed his students to check this village, but also not to disturb the peace of the village and certainly not to get lost. Yes... the term according to the author, don't be lazy * ( A/N : Hehe, sorry, it's a bit silly. )

But after a few minutes later, they found nothing suspicious at all. Konohamaru was silent, ' Maybe not, but they could also hide it cleverly. '

Suddenly, a young man wearing a dark green uniform came up to them and said hello. "Wah-wahh… it seems the Konoha shinobi have arrived, let's follow me." said the young man and led them into a hut in the middle of the village.

"I'm the one who called Konohagakure for help. My name is Keitaro, the leader of this village. Please cooperate, Konohamaru-san," The young man bowed. Spontaneously, Konohamaru bowed back and gave a small grin, "So what do you mean by that unbreakable code ?"

The boy named Keitaro gasped and grabbed a scroll from a shelf in the corner of the room. Then, Keitaro opened the scroll and placed it on the table. The scroll contains kanji, but apparently it's not what we thought it would be.

Maybe if the author alludes to Jiraiya's writing; you will understand.

It seems that code writers have their own way of writing, and are hard to read. But even though they have read it, they still have to decipher the code implied in it.

"That's why I-I asked Konoha to bring a ninja with sharingan~ Because, maybe it can help in breaking this difficult code," Keitaro scratched the back of his neck and smiled a little.

Sarada was faintly sweatdropped; "Keitaro-san, uhm… the sharingan doesn't have a function to decode these kinds of codes. It's possible to find the hidden words, but not directly find the words."

Keitaro stared. THERE!

Boruto sighed.

"If that's the case.."

All eyes suddenly turned to Nanadaime's son.

"You need a ninja who has a Byakugan, who knows there are letters that are not visible on the scroll. You chose the wrong dojutsu," Boruto sneered and turned his body. Keitaro immediately lowered his head, "…ehehe, you're right."

Aih, less smart than a 13 year old boy.

"Boruto! Watch your tone, this is our client. What would nanadaime say if he heard what you just said?" Konohamaru exclaimed and shook his head. Boruto again didn't turn around, "Tch!"

Sarada and Mitsuki sighed. Why are there always childish team members?

[]

See you soon ;)

-Kyuutacchi.

3 : Tricked

-~0~-

Road to Dad

By Kyuutacchi

Disclaimer © Masashi Kishimoto

Genre : Hurt/Comfort, Family, Adventure, (Mostly Angst).

Rating : T (maybe subject to change)

Main Pairing: Pairing that has been Canon. ( Maybe a little Borusara )

WARNING :

MISS-TYPO / CRAP / IRREGULAR EYD / UNCERTAINLY FLUFF / SLIGHTLY-OOC / KRIUK-KRIUK.

SIDE EFFECT :

ATTENTION! IT CAN MAKE READERS BE DRUGED, MANY CLIFFHANGERS, LEFT, BEEN FITNED, OR DIFITNESS—eh that means defamed!

PLEASE BRING ENOUGH MEDICINE EQUIPMENT TO HANDLE THE ANGST PLAN IN THIS STORY.

-~0~-

Summary :

-~0~-

A/N : Hi, I'm back again with this awesome chapter 3 :v.

Btw, special thanks to everyone who has followed and added this story to your favourites. I'm very happy. And also thank you for Salsabilla12 who has been loyal to review. Hopefully chap. this is more satisfying than the previous chapter huh ;)

Long story short, Naruto and friends don't have an author, but Kishimoto's, I just borrowed the anime characters to carry out this story...

Chapter 3 – Tricked.

After discussing, finally they can read the code clearly. But they have not been able to find the meaning of the code.

"Beware when the Kings step, the fate of this world is in the hands of those who do not know , save this world from the embers of selfishness and stop the cycle of hatred that continues to live in him who sees everything ."

They were all silent—except for Boruto, who had been silent for a long time. Each of them tries to crack this code. Sarada started;

"Maybe we should look at the words one by one. Starting with the Kings . What do you think it means?"

Mitsuki stroked his chin, "Maybe the Kage?"

Kage? What does the Kage have to do with the future? I know the exact relationship, but the connotation doesn't seem right , Boruto thought. He thought secretly, though he had absolutely no intention of joining the discussion. Speaking of the Kage, he remembered with—

Oh forget it!

Konohamaru muttered under his breath, "Could this be what Shikamaru-san said before, Kings..?"

It could be, but Konohamaru has no intention of telling the intentions of these kings to his students, nor to Keitaro. First of all he must think about what the meaning is the same as the meaning he wants to convey in this code.

"Then the second one is he doesn't know , does anyone have an idea?" Keitaro continued. Even Keitaro is currently struggling. Forcing his little brain to think hard because before that he had absolutely no experience in cracking a code. He wasn't even a shinobi.

Sarada adjusted her glasses while saying, "Maybe the code writer is telling us about someone. This person must not be related to all of this, so he is called the one who doesn't know ,"

"Or it could be, the person that this code writer alludes to is one of the five of us." said Boruto, who was now starting to join in on the conversation.

Keitaro tilted his head, "Hm? How can that be?"

It seems that not only Keitaro is also wondering about the theory that Boruto proposed. Konohamaru, Sarada, and Mitsuki also looked enthusiastic waiting for an explanation that came out of the nanadaime's son's mouth.

"Like I said; he's the one who doesn't know . It's possible that the coder knows that this code belongs to the people who first opened it. I mean..."

Boruto thought and looked for the right words to explain.

"Keitaro! Where did you find this code?" Boruto shoots a question at the village leader.

Keitaro stammered, "E-Eh, th-to be precise this is the code that was mysteriously sent to this village." Boruto smiled crookedly and folded his arms across his chest, " Bingo. "

Konohamaru started nodding and Mitsuki smiled. "I think, nanadaime's son is smarter than I thought huh," Boruto choked and widened his eyes suddenly when he heard Mitsuki's words. He stomped and walked over to Mitsuki. "What stupid do you think I am? I'm not a Chuunin. It's only natural that my guess is right,"

Mitsuki smiled back like Sai , "Hehe, you mean the last genin to be promoted to chuunin?"

Sarada laughed, greeted by Konohamaru who seemed to burst into laughter. Even Keitaro chuckled but tried to cover it with both hands. Boruto's face turned red and started to turn his body again.

"… by the way , back to the topic. Save this world from the embers of selfishness and stop the cycle of hatred that continues to live in him who sees everything . What do you think?" asked Konohamaru, stopping his laughter and getting serious again.

The three genin fell silent and tried to think about the meaning of the last clue of the code. Just selfishness? The Cycle of Hatred? And also, who is he who sees everything ?

Are we the same?

Oh no way that far.

Konohamaru scratched his head in frustration. He grunted and closed his eyes, wondering why Naruto had given him this mission. This mission was clearly S-rank regarding the world. If it's a mission like this, it's best left to the alliance alone! Not handled alone. And what's even funnier is, why did Naruto leave this mission to this team? What is clear is that the members have just been appointed Chuunin. Naruto should have given this mission to a jounin or tokubetsu jounin* in accordance with his field.

Giving up, the third hokage's grandson finally sighed.

"Keitaro-san, I'm not very good at cracking codes like this. But I think, there is a misunderstanding in this mission. My team and I will return to the village, and try to send a better team, to crack this code."

Keitaro nodded. Although a bit disappointed, but he should be able to understand all this. Maybe this includes his fault as well, because it has asked for the wrong specifications.

"Alright, if you think that's for the best, then I don't mind."

Konohamaru's team walked home, with less than satisfactory results. They wish they could help more, but what can they do.

On the way to Konoha, Konohamaru decided to have lunch at a tavern. Everyone seemed grateful and relieved to be given time for a quiet lunch—but not Sarada.

His heart still couldn't calm down. According to him—or perhaps according to his hunch—this mission still had something to do with the existence of the Sharingan, and that was what made him uneasy. His thoughts were now on his father. Since when did his father come home? Why did his father allow him to go on this mission so easily ?

Sarada could only let out a long breath and massaged her eyebrows.

The ravenette girl turned her head and found her teacher seducing a tavern waitress, while her two friends ate their food as if the mission had had no effect on them. Sarada admits that this shop is really good. Not only good service and also the food served, but also the selection of the right place. The location of the shop is not so open but also looks beautiful, and behind the shop we can see views of the majestic mountains.

Sarada smiled, maybe the teacher wouldn't mind if she took a little walk, right?

Sarada walked up to the jounin, "A-Ano, Konohamaru-sensei." call him. The caller turned around and smiled at him. "Yes, Sarada?"

"May I take a walk for a bit? The others are still relaxing, I just want to take a look around the surroundings." Sarada said, signaling Konohamaru to see how beautiful the surroundings were.

Konohamaru nodded but he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Don't go far, don't take too long. We will continue our journey to Konoha in 20 minutes, understand?"

Sarada nodded firmly. He walked out of the store, leaving his teacher who was now seducing one of the store's waiters. Really, where did his teacher's habit come from?

As Sarada walked, she felt a hand land on her shoulder. He was surprised and prepared to peck the person with his hand but canceled his intention when he found out who had just touched his shoulder.

"Boruto! What are you doing here, it's shocking you know!"

"Hehe, sorry. What are you doing?" asked Boruto. He crossed his arms behind his neck.

"Take a walk, I have permission with Konohamaru-sensei. Want to come?"

"It's okay."

The two chuunin walked among the trees. Admire how cool this area is. The trees seemed to sway when their branches were blown by the wind. The leaves were flying and the air smelled so fresh. The sun wasn't that hot that afternoon, so it was moments like these that were so relaxing. Peace.

Yes, one word can describe the current situation.

Unlike the village of Konoha, which is filled with skyscrapers and also several parapets. The wall blocking the majestic blue sky. And the loss of trees. The air there is not as clean as the air here.

"Boruto, what's wrong with your father, so you're fighting like this?" asked Sarada, without glancing at the nanadaime's son. Boruto, who felt uncomfortable with this question, cleared his throat and averted his gaze.

"It's okay."

Because it was brief, Sarada had guessed that maybe Boruto didn't want to talk about this to her yet. Even though they sometimes fight, they are still friends in the end. Even close friends, if not for their father's relationship.

"Oh yeah, how's the progress, training with papa?" asked again this uchiha girl. Boruto was surprised and he looked at his teacher's daughter.

"Well... how about it, it's okay. Now my chakra control is stable plus my kunai aiming is better than before."

Sarada tilted her head, "Hm? Haven't been taught any new techniques yet?"

Boruto shook his head but a smile stuck to his face. "The intention is, shisou* wants to teach the chidori. However, he still doesn't know what my chakra element is." Sarada gasped, Chidori? That move? He thought.

Sometimes he also feels jealous. Not jealous because Boruto is getting stronger day by day and learning new moves. But jealous that Boruto spends more time with his father than himself—as his only daughter. But other than that, he was also happy. Glad to see Boruto's progress.

Boruto, who is basically childish and tends to be aloof, is now more open and passionate about doing things. Boruto who usually gives up easily and doesn't want to try for something, is no longer like that. Sarada could see the fiery determination burning in her friend's heart.

Sarada is feeling proud. Proud to see Boruto getting better.

"That's good then, Boruto!" A sweet smile appeared on Sarada's face, and Boruto smiled too.

Sarada flinched when Boruto smiled too.

Even though she doesn't want to admit it openly, this girl of uchiha descent seems to be starting to grow her interest in the son of the seventh hokage. Since the Ootsutsuki attack, since Boruto's words; to want to be like his father .

Yep, but of course Sarada doesn't want to admit it.

Unbeknownst to them, they found a small town. However, it is quiet and desolate. Shows no signs of life. Although a little scared, but these two chuunin reluctant to turn around and continue to explore this small town.

In the middle of the city, the two of them smelled the aroma of cooking that seemed to have just been cooked. I don't know where the smell came from. But both intend to find the origin. They walked along the main street of the city, which contained the town hall and a sizable fountain. The city consists of many shops. However, it can be seen that the buildings are a bit cracked and the paint is faded, it is a sign that this city is old.

Finally they found a small restaurant—which seemed to be the source of the smell. Entering the restaurant slowly, Boruto and Sarada looked around the room. And they found the owner of the small restaurant—a grandmother smiling at them.

Shocked to death, the two jumped up and took a step back. The owner of the restaurant seemed to be smiling, as if he had been waiting for their presence.

"Good Afternoon, young ladies and gentlemen. Can I help you?"

Boruto swallowed his saliva, holding back his lust when his sense of smell again found that appetizing aroma and shook his head rapidly. "N-Afternoon, Grandma! Erm…what are you selling Grandma?"

His intention was to ask, instead he got a free jitakan from Sarada.

Well, Boruto isn't wrong! The owner of the restaurant was old in stature, and his eyes narrowed, like an old woman's.

( A/N : Grandmothers! :v )

The grandmother laughed. "Young master, I sell noodle dishes. Is young master willing to taste it?"

Boruto's eyes lit up. If you could see, surely you could find little stars shining in those sapphire beaded eyes. "Yes Grandma!"

Sarada gaped and looked deeply at Boruto. "Didn't you just eat earlier?!"

Boruto nodded. "Yeah, but if it's like this, I'll be hungry again. Hehehe..." he said while licking his lips and looking at the grandmother while she was taking food.

Sarada sighed but couldn't help it either. He was also captivated by the aroma of the dish. Like Boruto, Sarada took a seat next to her friend and waited.

After a few minutes, Grandma served two bowls full of noodles on their table. Coincidentally, Sarada and Boruto sat opposite each other. Hot steam rose and the scent returned, but more intense.

The broth is red, the noodles look a lot but the bright color is so appetizing. Equipped with curry spices, scallions, and menma ( A/N : If I'm not mistaken, menma is a seasoning ingredient; dried bamboo ). There are many colors in it.

When the first bite landed on the tongue, Boruto gasped and his face looked so happy. It tastes savory but there are also elements of acid and the meat contained in it is no less delicious. Moreover, the noodles are smooth and easy to bite. Sarada also looked not much different. This girl, so admiring the masterpiece in front of her, devoured it slowly so it didn't run out quickly.

" Oishi nee~ " said Sarada. His mouth couldn't stop chewing. Even now, Boruto had eaten his third bowl.

"How much, all grandma?"

The grandmother shook her head and propped her chin, "You don't have to pay for it, young master. Think of it as a gift from me, for visiting this small town."

"Aih, at least let us pay for your services for welcoming us so kindly. I'd also like to order two wrapped portions, for my parents." Sarada smirked and was about to take out her purse from the small bag tied to her waist.

However, something went wrong.

When she was about to take the money, Sarada felt her vision getting blurry. But he was still able to catch the figure of Boruto, who fell on the floor of the restaurant. Faint. Without a word coming out of her lips, Sarada fell and her consciousness began to fade.

Vaguely, he could still catch the figure of the granny's face. And he can still hear, the grandmother's voice when she said; "Good luck."

[]

See you soon ;)

-Kyuutacchi.

4 : Trapped

-~0~-

Road to Dad

By Kyuutacchi

Disclaimer © Masashi Kishimoto

Genre : Hurt/Comfort, Family, Adventure, (Mostly Angst).

Rating : T (maybe subject to change)

Main Pairing: Pairing that has been Canon. ( Maybe a little Borusara )

WARNING :

MISS-TYPO / CRAP / IRREGULAR EYD / UNCERTAINLY FLUFF / SLIGHTLY-OOC / KRIUK-KRIUK.

SIDE EFFECT :

ATTENTION! IT CAN MAKE READERS BE DRUGED, MANY CLIFFHANGERS, LEFT, BEEN FITNED, OR DIFITNESS—eh that means defamed!

PLEASE BRING ENOUGH MEDICINE EQUIPMENT TO HANDLE THE ANGST PLAN IN THIS STORY.

-~0~-

Summary :

-~0~-

A/N: Hi, I'm back with chapter 4.

Okay, because we have a little relationship with the UKK author, so for two weeks the author will be on SEMI-HIATUS. But this week, the chapter updates. its double. Hehe, as an apology for being late for an update. So Enjoy~

Long story short, Naruto and friends don't have an author, but Kishimoto's, I just borrowed the anime characters to carry out this story...

Chapter 4 – Trapped.

[Boruto's POV]

Grr… my head is spinning. Did I hit my head? Or is there something?

I was standing in a wide meadow. In the wind, the grass below me seemed to be dancing. But at a glance, there was a robed person standing about five meters in front of me. The man was wearing a hood, so I couldn't see who he was.

Surprisingly, my feet were walking on their own, trying to approach the robed person. But I stopped. When I heard that person calling a name.

A name I don't recognize;

"Haruto."

I heard the figure calling. I looked left and right, and also back, but I didn't find the person named 'Haruto'.

Instantly, the figure turned towards me, and my body froze. I could only see his mouth, and that too dimly. But I saw his lips forming a long arch; indicating he was smiling broadly.

I do not know what to do.

[END]

Sarada was the first to wake up. He was surprised when he saw his position when he woke up.

Boruto, and himself, leaned against the shade of a large tree. Apparently, the tree is located not far from a large village. The village was heavily guarded with several uniformed shinobi.

But that's not the problem. Sarada's face was red and hot like boiled crab. Right now, his head was still resting on Boruto's chest. And it seems that what he was leaning on began to take back his consciousness.

Luckily Sarada sat up quickly so Boruto didn't have time to see where they were.

But really, Boruto actually felt it before he woke up. And that's what caused his cheeks to feel hot. Boruto tries to hide his face by taking his eyes off Sarada, and pretending that he doesn't know when Sarada wakes up.

"Ugh… where are we?" said Boruto. This blonde haired chuunin stood up and helped his friend to his feet. "I don't know. But I think I know this forest." Sarada said as her feet carried her along—somewhere. Boruto could only follow Sarada without asking much.

As the two walked, they found a path. The road is big and wide but leads to a village. Great village. The village that has a giant gate and is bustling. The village that—

"EEEHH?! KONOHA?!"

Both of them were shocked when they stood right in front of the gate of the village.

Konohagakure—standing proudly before them.

Boruto rubbed his eyes and blinked many times, while Sarada took a moment to catch her breath.

"How come we are in Konoha?!" Sarada panics. Even though that was their goal, but where were Konohamaru-sensei and Mitsuki? Why can they be directly in front of the village? Did anyone use teleportation on their bodies? They wondered.

While they were trying to find out what happened, someone called out to Sarada.

"Sarada!"

Suddenly, Sarada and Boruto looked around and looked for the source of the sound. Sarada was surprised by the presence of her mother who was standing right in front of the guard post, with a sweet smile on her face.

Sakura Uchiha—doesn't look old even though she has three heads. His stature can outwit anyone. The majority of everyone thought that Sakura had just entered her 20s, but they were all shocked by the fact that Sakura had a teenage daughter.

Well, early teens at least .

"What's your mission like?" A blush appeared on each of Sakura's cheeks as she asked her daughter that question. Sarada gasped in surprise, "Mission…both?"

Sakura nodded and started to explain, but in a teasing tone. "You guys were given a break with Nanadaime, so instead of resting, you even invited Haruto to accompany you on a B-rank mission."

Sarada swallowed her saliva. And Boruto widened his eyes. Haruto? Like, the name in the vision... Boruto thought. Sarada also realized the name calling aimed at Boruto was wrong, but she didn't really mind it. He was already quite dizzy with the explanation given by his mother.

Wait, since when did her mother wear long clothes? Sleeveless is normal, but why is the belly covered*?

"Wow Haruto~! Did you cut your hair~? I guess, it's getting prettier!" Sakura caressed Boruto and put both hands on his waist.

"Come on, now is the time for you to give the report to Nanadaime." said Sakura and signaled the two to follow her.

Boruto's face, which originally looked normal, has now become wrinkled. Sarada realized this and intended to ask again, but she hesitated a little.

They were really confused. They run an A-rank mission together with one team, why is it even called a dual mission? And why does it sound like he's joking? Where's Mitsuki? Where is Konohamaru-sensei?

In the end, they decided to just go with it.

Arriving at the hokage building, Boruto deliberately slowed his pace and walked behind Sarada and Sakura. Sarada who realized this, immediately slowed her pace and walked beside Boruto.

They walked up the stairs and then came to the door of the seventh Hokage's study. Boruto had already looked away first, while Sarada wondered why her friend was like that. Could they be fighting again ? thought Sarada.

However, Sarada immediately stopped in her tracks when the door to the Hokage's study opened, and found her father sitting on the throne, writing something on the table.

So shocked, Sarada and Boruto held their breath and froze, when they saw Sasuke Uchiha wearing the hokage robe. Their eyes widen.

"Ah, welcome back Sarada, Boruto. Please come in." Sasuke lifted his face from the pile of paperwork and gave the two chuunin a small smile. Makes both of them even more confused.

Sakura chuckled lightly seeing her daughter and friend still standing in front of the door. "What's the matter with you two? Why don't you want to come in? Come on," Sakura grabbed Boruto and Sarada's arms and then motioned for them to stand in front of the hokage's desk.

Sarada was very surprised when she saw her father, was here. Especially wearing the Hokage's robes. And this girl can't imagine how shocked Boruto is, seeing all this.

Meanwhile, Boruto was observing in detail this room. It doesn't look like a genjutsu, but it also feels surreal. His father's room, which once had a large window to look out and just enjoy the breeze, was now replaced with a window that was only enough to look out for one or two people. Most of this room is filled with photographs.

Not family photos, but official photos such as when the inauguration of train transportation, or buildings. The walls of this room also look calming. It is cream white in color and is decorated only with the Konohagakure and Uchiha symbols next to each other, just above the wall above, behind the hokage's seat.

Boruto was completely taken aback by all of this, but he was trying his best to hide his expression.

"How was the mission? Did you guys have any trouble?" Sasuke asked Sarada, who seemed lost in thought of something. Sarada hastily replied, "E-Eh..n-no, N-Nanadaime."

"Are you okay, during the mission?" asked Sasuke in a worried tone.

"T-Tentu saja, Nanadaime."

To be honest, Sarada felt a little awkward calling her father by that name. And Sarada was sure she wasn't the only one who felt this way.

It was silent for a few minutes. But Sakura was not going to let this silence continue to accompany them. This cherry blossom haired woman put her right palm on the hokage's stocky shoulder, and then smiled sarcastically.

"Of course your daughter will be fine, Sasuke. She's also protected by your student and future son-in-law ." Sakura put a little emphasis on the phrase ' daughter-in-law'.

Boruto and Sarada simultaneously choked. And this made Sakura even more happy and satisfied, seeing the reaction of the two. It was rare that he could put his daughter in such an awkward situation, that was his mind.

Sasuke looked at Sarada with a serious look, and then his gaze shifted to Boruto, who was standing nervously. His gaze was not sharp, but it was able to intimidate anyone who was in front of this one-eyed Rinnegan Uchiha. And it was even just a casual stare.

"I think you're right too, Sakura."

The short words that escaped from Sasuke's lips managed to get a big smile from Sakura, and a lifeless expression from Sarada and Boruto. Sasuke's words, indirectly means agreeing with what Sakura said.

Sarada knew her parents rarely—if not almost never—tease her like this. Especially his father.

After the embarrassing meeting, Sarada invites Boruto to eat at their favorite burger shop. The place they used to go to.

Apparently, in this world the burger shop hasn't changed much. Maybe it's just a little improvement on the door that makes this burger shop seem a little big. Then, the two chuunin entered and immediately looked for a rather quiet seat.

It seemed they had a lot to talk about.

Boruto left his order with Sarada—who, by the way, is currently waiting in line at the cashier. So he didn't have to bother lining up.

At a glance, the image of his father's face appeared in his head. Boruto shook his head, trying to get rid of the image. No matter how hard Boruto tries to avoid his father, whether he thinks or says, Naruto's face will inevitably keep appearing when he's daydreaming.

What is this called guilt?

Oh, no way. After all, the one who is really to blame is his father. Yes, Naruto Uzumaki—the seventh hokage who is currently still in the real world.

And he was trapped in this world.

Trapped.

Ter…fuck?

[]

semi-gap

-kyutacchi sign out-

5 : Daddy Issue, Son Issue

-~0~-

Road to Dad

By Kyuutacchi

Disclaimer © Masashi Kishimoto

Genre : Hurt/Comfort, Family, Adventure, (Mostly Angst).

Rating : T (maybe subject to change)

Main Pairing: Pairing that has been Canon. ( Maybe a little Borusara )

WARNING :

MISS-TYPO / CRAP / IRREGULAR EYD / UNCERTAINLY FLUFF / SLIGHTLY-OOC / KRIUK-KRIUK.

SIDE EFFECT :

ATTENTION! IT CAN MAKE READERS BE DRUGED, MANY CLIFFHANGERS, LEFT, BEEN FITNED, OR DIFITNESS—eh that means defamed!

PLEASE BRING ENOUGH MEDICINE EQUIPMENT TO HANDLE THE ANGST PLAN IN THIS STORY.

-~0~-

Summary :

-~0~-

A/N : Double Update, ^^ (P.S : I hope u guys like the Naruhina feels ;))

Chapter 5 – Daddy Issue, Son Issue.

While Boruto and his team went on an A-rank mission;

Naruto peacefully, doing his duty as hokage, without the slightest disturbance. There were no reports of his son throwing a tantrum and no frowning face that used to greet him. Feels calmer.

Naruto was pleased with this atmosphere.

No mistake—Naruto was a bit suspicious of this atmosphere.

Rising from his seat, the Hokage walked over and grabbed the door. Nanadaime seemed to need some time alone to think.

When the door opened, Naruto was startled by the presence of his wife—Hinata Uzumaki, standing and almost knocked on the door. "Hinata?"

Hinata gasped and immediately replied, "Naruto-kun, where are you going?"

Naruto scratched the back of his neck that didn't itch while smiling crookedly, "Want to get some air," he said, and hoped that Hinata wouldn't interrogate him further.

Hinata actually smiled.

"Wait, Hinata, what are you doing here?" asked Naruto who then put his arm around his wife's shoulder. Hinata also waved her hands, "Oh no, em… actually just for fun,"

Naruto smiled hearing that. Without saying a word, Naruto put his arm around Hinata as he walked, ignoring Hinata's confused face.

Both walked into the Hokage's office. Naruto removed his hand from Hinata and then walked towards the large window and was about to open it. The nanadaime's wife stood silently and watched what her husband was doing.

Naruto turned and motioned for Hinata to follow him—out of the room through the window. Although somewhat surprised, Hinata still walked over to her husband. Turns out Naruto took Hinata to the roof of the building.

Hinata understands all this. If Naruto wanted to be alone on the roof of a building or at the head of one of the Hokage statues, it meant that something was bothering him. Something that distracts all his attention, from all the piles of paperwork.

Naruto sat up and patted the spot next to him.

"So, what's wrong Naruto-kun?"

"Hm?"

"Why suddenly want to 'get some air' on the roof? Is something bothering you?"

Naruto looked at Hinata's two lavender beads and then took a deep breath. Yes, even though he had tried his best to cover up his anxiety, Naruto would not be able to fool the woman who had loved him for so many years. And that's what finally made Naruto melt.

"Boruto, dia—"

"—now went on a rather lengthy A-rank mission, and now you're feeling a bit worried about her situation? Even though you two had a fight?" Hinata continued the words of her husband who had been interrupted. Naruto's eyes suddenly widened when he heard his wife's words were absolutely accurate.

Does Hinata know herself too well?

Naruto closed his eyes and smiled. He ruffled his blonde mane and said, "Yeah. I don't think I need to explain, you must know that too. You're the mother after all,"

Yes, Naruto was right. Hinata wasn't just the woman he loved with all his soul; but also the mother of his children.

Now it was Hinata's turn to smile sideways. "Well, you two do have a complicated relationship that is hard to explain."

"Hn, I really don't know anymore how to make him listen to what I have to say at least once without being forced to . Or at least understand what I mean. Everything I do; it's all for his good."

Hinata was silent. He knew exactly how that felt. As a child, Hinata was always trained in a harsh way by her father—the fact that she was the eldest daughter of the main Hyuuga family. Hinata continues and continues to practice, so that she can meet her father's expectations. However, it wasn't as easy as he thought. In fact, his own sister was far superior to him. And it made him feel bad.

It was like, wanting to, Hinata made her father understand how she felt.

But, not anymore.

Thanks to Naruto and also Neji, Hinata finally gained the trust of her father. Thanks to Naruto ; Hinata can now stand tall, becoming the representative of the Hyuuga clan.

"Naruto-kun, I see what you mean. You only want the best for Boruto. But give it a try, have you ever looked at all of this from Boruto 's point of view ?"

Naruto gasped, "What do you mean?"

Hinata smiled. "Do you really understand how your eldest son feels?"

Naruto was silent. Is it true, he has completely understood Boruto's feelings?

"You are the Hokage, while Boruto is your son. Can you imagine the burden he is carrying ?"

LISTEN!

Now Naruto understood. Hinata was right, maybe all along, it was her biggest mistake. It's his fault as a father who doesn't understand his son. Naruto can also find out why Hinata can know about all this. It must be because of his experience as the heir of the Hyuuga clan. So much hope was placed on his shoulders that it was hope itself that brought him down.

Naruto gritted his teeth and then rubbed his forehead. Frustrated with all. Not only with Boruto's problem, it's possible that this also happened with Himawari. It's just that Himawari is good at hiding her feelings and is always guided by Hinata.

What a great father, huh?

Naruto took a deep breath, "I guess I really messed it up huh?"

Hinata shook her head and slipped her fingers in Naruto's hand. "No, you didn't mess up anything. And I also know you're trying to fix things. But..."

This time Naruto looked at Hinata.

"...try to trust your child once in a while. I know it's not an easy matter, I myself as a mother still can't let it go. But..I know you can understand what I mean," Hinata stopped talking and looked ahead. Naruto followed Hinata's gaze, which led him right into the face of the statue of the fourth hokage.

His father .

Faintly, Naruto smiled. That's right, his father—whom he had never even met as a child—had always believed in him. His father, even his mother, believed in him in this world. They trusted him so much, that they died, not knowing how he grew up.

And that's the father figure that Naruto is a role model for.

"Okay, I'll try to believe it." Said Naruto, without the slightest hesitation. Hinata smiled widely at her husband.

A few moments later, Naruto and Hinata came down from the roof. Naruto returned with his work while Hinata rushed home. This lavender iris woman needs to prepare dinner. And also need to pick up Himawari—who by the way is currently playing at Yamanaka's flower shop.

"Wait, Hinata."

Hinata looked back, she almost closed the door to the Hokage's room.

"Iya?"

"You already know, Boruto and I had a fight. And that's also the reason you came here, just to cheer me up." Naruto smirked as he raised his right eyebrow.

Hinata chuckled, "Naruto-kun geer," Hearing that, Naruto laughed too.

"Well, let's call it a hunch of a wife and mother ." Hinata said, then closed the door.

Naruto smiled, "Hinata.."

Yes, his mind calmed down again when his wife came to comfort him. When Boruto returns, Naruto will have a one-on-one conversation with him. Call it, " Father-Son Talk ". Yes, when Boruto returns from his mission, Naruto will be there to greet him.

That is if Boruto manages to return to the village.

[]

semi-gap

-kyuutachhi sign out-

#boruto fanfiction

0 notes

sir-subpar · 2 years

Text

Good Morning (Pico x Alucard FNV)

Friday night Vampires oneshot! I finally made one. Fic is below the cut

Pico woke up slowly, groggy and sore. This wasn't uncommon for him, being a vampire hunter wasn't exactly a carefree stroll. He rolled onto his side, taking in his surroundings. He recognized almost immediately that he was home. He could see his bookshelf and desk in the corner, with all his notes and small tools. His lantern and the sun shining through the glass window illuminated his cozy wooden home. Pico rose up from his bed and groaned as the wound in his legs announced itself to his nerves. The bruises all over his body didn't help either. Despite this, he got up. Deciding that he'd slept enough.

He somewhat tamed his wild orange hair, and limped out into the living area, his partner Alucard sitting stiffly at their table. He appeared to be deep in thought, his brows knitted together and his shoulders tense. Pico paused for a moment, realizing he had stumbled across a rare sight: Alucard wasn't wearing his darkened glasses. The hybrid man's eyes were fully visible. Alucard seemed to have noticed this too, and quickly put them on before properly greeting Pico. "Morning. You seem well." Pico merely waved before joining him at the table, still tired. "How's your leg?" Alucard asked, tilting his head, Pico shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, it hurts, but it's not like I haven't felt worse. Probably shouldn't walk on it too much." Alucard nodded, but otherwise didn't respond. Pico looked Alucard in the eyes (at least, he's pretty sure he did, with the glasses on, he couldn't really see Al's eyes).

He stared intently for a few moments. "How are you doing, Al?" Pico threw back at Alucard, the half vampire's face not changing expression (at least, from what Pico could tell, his eyes weren't visible). "I'm not the one with the torn up leg. Why are you asking me?" Alucard asked with a bit of sass in his tone. "Because I saw you staring at the table like you wanted to kill it. Figured that means something's wrong." Pico retorted, half joking. "Blunt as always, Pico," Alucard replied before muttering that he didn't want to break the table. "So… are you gonna answer my question?" Pico asked, not falling for Al's attempts to redirect the conversation. "I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" Al retorted, his tone somewhat agitated. "I don't know Al, you tell me," Pico shrugged. His own tone had a mix of humor and sternness.

Alucard said nothing, and turned his head to avoid eye contact with Pico. "Seriously Al," Pico called, his tone softening a bit. "What's wrong?" Alucard remained quiet. Pico's expression softened, and he reached across the table to grasp his friend's hand. "Al…" Pico called gently. After a bit more of silence, Alucard caught Pico off guard when he finally asked: "Do I make things harder for you?"

Pico blinked a few times. Where did that come from? "What?" The redhead asked. "Do I make your job more difficult?" Alucard elaborated, though only slightly. "No? What makes you think that?" Pico's face shifted to an expression of concern. "You were attacked yesterday." Alucard stated, his vagueness making comforting him harder for Pico.

Pico tried to brush off the previous day's encounter, it was nothing new to him. "Yeah, well, that's part of being a vampire hunter. You get into scrapes." Their hands still touching, Alucard's hand finally gripped Pico's back. "But you weren't ambushed by vampires. You were assaulted by humans.. Human's who were after me..." The blue man's voice quieted, a twinge of guilt and some other emotions could be heard. Pico was about to respond, but Alucard continued. "I know your… public image and credibility have been thrown into question ever since we started working together." Pico decided to remain quiet, letting his half vampire friend have his say. "I know how these people here view me. How they've always seen me. As just a watered down vampire." For a moment, Alucard's tone was riddled with apathy. A common aura for him, Pico noticed. "From the start, I assumed people wouldn't approve of our teamwork. I just didn't think…" Alucard's voice wavered, and he chewed his lip, as if biting down his emotions. Pico could see Alucard take a deep, slightly shaky breath, as if he were on the verge of tears. "I didn't think they'd try to kill you because of me." Alucard's hand trembled, Pico gave it a comforting squeeze. Alucard seemed too buried in his own thoughts to continue.

Pico decided to take matters into his own hands. He pulled away from Al, and dragged his chair directly next to his friend. It was a bit more difficult with his wounded leg, but he did his best not to flinch when he put pressure on it. After he concluded the chair was close enough, he sat down again. Pico reached his hand up to caress Alucard's cheek, and turned his slightly taller friend's face toward him to ensure eye contact. Pico still couldn't see his eyes, but he could tell the other was surprised. "First off, Al, I don't need your help ruining my reputation, I did that way before I met you. Secondly, yesterday I fought with a bunch of asshats because they're just that. They were a bunch of bastards who've hardly seen a vampire in their whole lives and don't know what they're doing. I happily kicked their asses yesterday, and I'd do it again anytime.." Alucard pursed his lips, so far this conversation did little to comfort him. Even so, he allowed Pico to continue. "I knew the kind of shit I was in for when I started being an assassin. I can't guarantee you that I won't get hurt again, because I will. Even the best of us get our asses handed to us sometimes." Pico paused for a moment.

He gingerly reached his other hand up to lift Alucard's dark-tinted glasses to his forehead. This wasn't the first time Pico had seen Al's eyes, but it was still rare for him to do so. Alucard intentionally hid his eyes as much as he could. The man's eyes were admittedly beautiful. Pico has seen more vampire eyes than he could count. Vampire eyes were always some shade of red. But with the other man only being half vampire, and half human, Alucard's eyes were different. Pico to this day, has never seen anyone else with irises like Al's. It was like Alucard had two irises: with an outer ring being red and the inner ring blue.

Though, as captivating as his comrade's eyes were, he was brought back to focus when he saw that they were, in fact, welling up a bit.

Pico made sure his expression was serious, not breaking eye contact with his friend. "You don't make my job- or my life- more difficult. What I do, what we do, is dangerous. If anything, you make life easier." Pico kept his tone full of conviction. Not leaving any room for doubt. "You're strong and dependable. You're quick-thinking and strategic. You look out for me, and keep me in check when I deserve it," Alucard dryly chuckled, and ever so subtly, leaned into his touch. Pico, in turn, smiled. "Just being around you, I…" Pico paused briefly. Finding the right words. "I'm reminded that peace is possible. That I'm not alone out here."

Alucard's eyes widened a bit, and his usually blue cheeks turned purple. "I uh… heh, wow." Alucard stammered, the flattery making him a bit flustered. Pico smirked a bit. "So? How'd I do? Good pep talk?" Pico joked. Alucard audibly laughed. Just enough that his semi-prominent canines were visible for a moment. "Haha, yeah. That was pretty good. Been practicing?" He joked back, "A bit." The shorter man quickly replied.

A quiet lull took over. It was at that moment Pico realized that his hand was still cupping Alucard's cheek. The other man seemed to have realized as well. Neither of them pulled away. It strangely didn't feel awkward. Just calm. Alucard put his hand over the freckled one on his face. Pico noticed how different their skin felt. His own hands were scarred and calloused, his face was scratchy and rough along his jaw, a result of him not shaving in a while. Alucard's, on the other hand, was soft. Smooth and clear with the exception of a few faded, barely noticeable scars.

Alucard eventually broke the silence. "Thanks, by the way. For saying all that earlier. It really helped." He sounded earnest, his tone sweet and quiet. "No problem, Al. Just for future reference, if you ever feel or think that way again, talk to me. Okay? I can give you a pep talk any time." Though Pico ended his response with humor, Alucard could tell he was honest. "I'll… keep that in mind."

"Good."

Pico finally pulled away from Al to stretch his arms. Al could hear his freckled companion's shoulder pop. "Whelp," Pico started, letting out a relieved puff of air. "It's still morning, and I don't know about you, but I'm starving. How about we head to the kitchen and eat something?" Alucard nodded, returning his glasses in front of his eyes.

Pico began to stand, but was pulled down into his chair by an invisible force. It was as if gravity had increased for a moment. He was stunned for a second, but realization dawned on him quickly. He shot Alucard a thoroughly unimpressed look. "...Really?" The freckled man asked. Alucard gave a blunt answer. "Your leg is injured. You're not supposed to walk on it." Pico rolled his eyes. Now Al was being dramatic. "C'mon, it's like 10 steps, I'll be fine. You don't have to magically pin me to my chair." Pico made a second attempt to stand, only to be met with the same result as before. Pico playfully glared at Alucard, who had a small smirk on his face.

"You're really not gonna let me walk, are you?"

"No."

Pico huffed in begrudging defeat. "Fine. I'll stay put." Alucard gave him a satisfied nod, and stood up. "I'll be back with breakfast in a minute." Alucard walked around the table, just before he left the room, he heard Pico. "You're still being paranoid." Alucard turned his head to face Pico, "I'm just 'keeping you in check' is all." Alucard quipped, and disappeared into the doorway. Pico snorted, go figure, Al would use his own words against him.

After some time, Alucard returned with pancakes. Pico took a bite and was immediately impressed. "Damn, Al. Where'd you learn to cook like this? These are great." Alucard waved his hand in an 'oh stop', clearly flattered. "Seriously, how'd you do it?" Alucard held a finger up to his own lips in a 'hush' manner, but his smile made it obvious that he was playing around. "Heheh, that's a secret." He said, still smiling. "You are devious sometimes, you know that?" Pico teased. "You make it fun." Both men chuckled, and continued with their breakfast. They made small talk, teased each other, and overall and just enjoyed the levity in the morning. Once breakfast was done, Pico had something he wanted to say.

"Hey Al?" Pico called, earning a hum from said man.

"Hm?"

"Thanks, for all of this. Making breakfast and looking out for me. Sorry I always push back on these sorts of things." Pico scratched the back of his neck, feeling slightly awkward for reasons he honestly couldn't place. "It's alright, I know how stubborn you can be." Alucard said half jokingly. Pico rolled his eyes playfully. Alucard gingerly put his hand on Pico's shoulder. "Would you like me to move you to the couch? It's probably more comfortable than the wooden chair." Pico shrugged but agreed "Eh, sure. Not like I'm going back to bed." Alucard nodded.

Pico expected him to use his telekinesis, like he usually would. So he was surprised when Alucard carried him by hand, bridal style, to the sofa. Al set him down gently and sat next to him. Pico didn't ask about it out loud, but it was definitely going to stick with him all day. Al might be pretty lean, but damn if that beanpole didn't have some impressive strength. "Do you need anything?" Alucard offered, Pico shook his head. "Nah, I'm good. Wanna keep talking? It's not like we're doing much else on our day off." Alucard gave him a thumbs up, taking a seat next to Pico. The two spent the rest of the day lounging around, enjoying their leisurely time together.

When the sun had set, Pico could feel sleep gripping him, and he leaned on Alucard, his eyelids fluttered shut. Alucard did nothing to retaliate, instead moving Pico's head onto his lap. Pico, though not awake, seemed more comfortable. Alucard gently ran his fingers through Pico's orange hair, resisting the urge to kiss Pico on the forehead.

Alucard spoke quietly, barely even a mumble. "I love you."

One day, he was going to actually tell Pico he loved him, but that probably wasn't going to be for a while.

#fnf #fnv #alucard x pico #picard #aluco #friday night vampires #fnv pico #fnf vampire au #vampire hunter pico #vampire hunter alucard #fnv alucard #friday night funkin #fanfic #oneshot #good morning #vampire #vampire au

17 notes · View notes

neverendingdream111 · 3 years

Text

GENSHIN IMPACT AS IDOLS

- one of the groups consists of: Zhongli, Childe, Venti, Xiao, Diluc, Kaeya and Albedo

- Zhongli is the leader and the oldest obvsly and his smooth deep voice is to die for

- He's also the visual along with Albedo (tho everyone here is gorgeous, ngl)

- Childe constantly switches between rap and vocal, but he's mostly recognized for his amazing dancing (he's the main dancer for a reason)

- Venti is the main vocal and possibly writes most of their songs (sometimes Albedo helps him)

- Funnily enough, Venti is often confused for being the maknae while in reality he's the second oldest in the group

- Xiao is the main rapper

- He refuses to sing but would do it if asked (rarely)

- and he's the real maknae - even tho he hates it he can't do anything about it (and everyone, especially Venti and Childe, loves teasing him for it)

- Diluc and Kaeya are the other rappers along with Xiao and they are related in some way tho both refuse to reveal anything to the public (but everyone is convinced they're brothers)

- they don't get along most of the time and argue constantly, but it only amuses the rest of the members and the fans absolutely love their arguments bc it more often than not turns into a rap battle

- and let me tell you, they completely kill it

- then, we have Albedo. He and Zhongli are the most peaceful ones and most likely keep the team together bc if not those idiots would've caused absolute chaos eons ago

- His voice is angelic, everyone adores it

- Childe and Kaeya are the most chaotic duo especially together

- they have the stupidest ideas and like to mess around

- and they are perfectly aware of their god-like looks and also have the audacity to use it "against" their fans (not that anyone complains)

- they are partners in crime when it comes to teasing Diluc

- Kaeya does it on a daily basis and Childe found it funny and decided to join him on causing inconvenience to others, lol

- Xiao, even though he's an idol, hates interacting with humans but makes an exception for fanmeetings, concerts, interviews and such because Zhongli raised him right--

- he has a soft spot for cats and would have one at the dorm if it wasn't for Venti being allergic to them (although he doesn't see any problem with it)

- speaking of the dorm, it's the pure definition of destruction

- Childe and Kaeya being the little shits they are room together and they are that kind of roommates that would blast music on full volume in the middle of the night just because they felt like it (but obvsly they do it to summon a demon in the form of sleep deprived Diluc because they know he's a light sleeper)

- Venti at some point moved in with them bc he felt like it and it's totally not because Xiao kicked him out--

- Zhongli and Diluc share a room because they both know how to appreciate a moment of peace and they just like each other's company; their perfect afternoon on their day off is sitting there with a cup of tea each and exchanging stories they've heard and/or experienced

- Albedo is probably the only person Xiao would room with excluding Zhongli (and maybe Diluc but it's debatable) because he's calm and collected, doesn't talk too much unlike the other three and when he does talk it's nice to listen to him

- also, the sound of sketching calms him down

- Venti somehow lives in all of the rooms in the dorm. First he roomed with Xiao and Albedo, but he got kicked out by the maknae. Then he gravitated towards Zhongli and Diluc but after a few days the redhead got so annoyed with him he ended up with Childe and Kaeya. The three of them share a braincell, that's why they get along so well, but even though he lives with them he sometimes ends up in the other rooms but that's just him

- he likes a change of scenery, ehe

- Zhongli's the dad of the group

- whenever someone has a problem they automatically go to him

- also, even though they are a really chaotic group, they are equally capable of working together (main reason why they are so goddamn awesome on stage)

- Xiao might act like he doesn't care but he does. A lot

- every time one of his hyungs is having a bad day he subtly tries to cheer them up. He feels awkward with words in these moments and physical contact isn't really his forte but instead he does things like buying them their favorite snack, or opting to watch their favorite film with them (even if he absolutely hates it he still would watch it)

- everyone obvsly knows what he's doing and they appreciate it

- Childe and Kaeya actually aren't as easy-going as they like to appear on stage. They are really emotional human beings and are probably most affected by hate comments and such

- Diluc, as much as he despises their attitude and teasing he has to endure bc of them, cares about them a lot and usually he's the one to knock some sense in them when they believe the haters or just have a bad day. He may not like their behavior but he's not heartless and deems them as family (even tho he wouldn't admit it)

- Albedo isn't a lot older than Xiao, maybe something around a few months, so everyone thinks of him like a second maknae and just because he gives off the vibe, y'know

- He loves drawing and sometimes does a sketch of one of the members or recreates a fanart of them he saw on Pinterest (cue to the fans going wild)

- He, alongside with Diluc, often cooks for them. They both are amazing cooks and I refuse to believe otherwise

- Venti has a playlist prepared for every occasion and uses them accordingly

- he also has playlists dedicated to every member of the group and it's his way of cheering them up or being there for them when they are separated

- as for the run episodes, well.... It can be described in one word

- chaos

- they're even capable of riling Zhongli up!

- tho he mostly opts to watch the chaos from the sidelines, snickering under his breath, he ends up in the crossfire from time to time

- contrary to popular belief, the most competitive ones are Diluc and Xiao

- they are so set on winning they sometimes forget that it's all a game

- Childe once got an elbow to the face in one episode but still no one knows who did it (it was Kaeya--)

- Albedo is just... There, tho he does enjoy it. More than he would admit

- Childe and Kaeya are dying of laughter most of the time and do stupid things that probably only they understand which makes the other laugh harder

- and Venti absolutely loves being the host: it gives him a perfect view of his friends who half the time have no idea what the hell is going on and, of course, power

- the fanmeetings are just the other excuse for them to make fun of each other and fool around

- fans don't mind it one bit because it is honestly hilarious to watch the utter chaos unfold

- even when they are signing albums and merch they throw comments here and there to provoke the other

- especially Xiao bc he's a softie when it comes to their fans and as long as the girls don't do anything... Weird, he doesn't mind interacting with them and sometimes finds himself actually enjoying the contact

- while we're on the fanmeetings--

- Zhongli is absolutely wonderful. He's the kind to delicately hold your hand, look into you eyes and smile softly while focusing entirely on you and what you have to say, indulging into conversation as well

- if it wasn't for the staff members reminding him that the time's up, he would spend at least an hour with every fan

- Childe is so excited he grins so much his cheeks hurt, and would look at you like you just made his day. You can be stuttering, super nervous and anxious and he'd just say it's completely fine and that you should take your time, even if the staff says that you should move to the next member

- Venti is the one that talks a lot, but would shut up and listen to you. He especially likes playing with your hands or just some games like rock-paper-scissors

- he also loves it when some fans show him their singing and he encourages them to go on, synchronizing with them and making an amazing duet

- Xiao is, like I've said before, a big softie. He really appreciates the fact that people find their music nice and genuinely like to listen to it. Would probably ask you questions like "what's your favorite song?", "What do you think of this album *gestures to the one he just signed*" etc

- he DID wear cat ears once because a fan gave them to him and they looked kind of cute

- he didn't hear the end of it for two weeks minimum and Childe and Kaeya probably have the pic as their wallpapers

- Diluc is the most... normal one? I mean, he enjoys the meetings a lot, but he doesn't show his excitement as much as the others. Conversations with him are like talking to an old friend that understands you and it's just so... wholesome

- he's honestly surprised when he gets gifts from the fans. He does appreciate it of course, but he just doesn't really understand why you would go as far as to give him something for no particular reason please give him lots of love he needs it-

- Kaeya is the one with the audacity to flirt with you. Loves seeing the blush on your cheeks and just enjoys annoying people. Though he sometimes stops it out of mercy and opts to talk with you like a normal human being--

- most protective of their fans. Sees one in distress or being picked on, immediatly steps in or tells a staff member to handle the situation

- Albedo is somewhere between Zhongli and Diluc's behaviour tbh. He's really sweet, loves talking to the fans and gets super excited whenever one of them shows him a fanart - especially if it's an original idea

- now let's get to the best part

- as lovely and peaceful as they are on a daily basis, they turn into freakin devils on stage

- kind grandpa with a calming voice? Who's that? A goddamn satan entered the chat

- ooooh, the cat lover? Sorry, we only have a mf demon available

- don't even get me started on the Childe-Kaeya-Diluc trio--

- all in all, they may be annoying each other night and day but they still love one another like family and their bond only strengthens when they stand in the spotlight

I had this idea today and, well, it turned out like this, hope you enjoyed! I also may be doing some sort of continuation to this with Xingqiu, Chongyun, Razor and Bennett as a trainee idol group so let me know if you'd like something like this and if you have any ideas for other groups!

02.05.21

~Nana

#genshin impact #genshin impact hcs #zhongli #childe #xiao #venti #diluc #Kaeya #Albedo #genshin impact as idols #idol boygroup

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normatural · 4 years

Text

JJ MAYBANK | HER

PART 1

...

Summary: the reader had found herself in love with a certain blondie but his heart already belongs to someone else.

Warnings: angst

A/N: I still don't know how long this will be, but probably not longer than 10 parts.

They say the more you love someone, bigger is the pain and you couldn't agree more. Sitting on the back of boat with a beer in hand, you watched the group before your – or better, the blonde boy and Kie dancing.

She was one of your best friends and probably one of the niciest person you've ever met, it was great to have another girl on the group to chat about girly stuff but you couldn't help the feeling that always seemed to creep in your chest every time you watcher her and JJ together.

His eyes held a diffirent glow everytime she walked in the room but how could you blame him? Kie was beautiful, smart, rich and fun. She even helped baby turtles go to the ocean with safety and was so dedicated to her goal to do everything in her power to protect the earth.

How could you compete with her? How someone would look at you and feel something after they've met her?

"Hey, you good?" John B sat by your side, pushing you slightly with his shoulder, following your gaze until he found them.

He knew about your feelings for his best friend. it was during one of the parties on the beach when he found you drinking more alcohool that he thought it was possible for you, angrily wipping a tear from your cheeks as your eyes burned holes on the touront dancing agaisnt JJ and everything made sense in the moment.

"I'm pathetic." you mubled, laying your head on his shoulder as you tried to shift your gaze to somewhere else.

John B looked down at you, putting his arm around you as his hand moved up and down in your arm, soothing you as if it could send your pain away.

The boy couldn't understand how you managed to keep this feeling for yourself when you and JJ were together everyday. hell, one night with Sarah and he was already screaming his heart at the girl in front of everyone but he knew it must hurt, a lot.

"Eh, I'd say annoying but if you wanna go with pathetic." you rolled your eyes, laughing while you pinched his stomach.

You were glad you shared your feelings with John B, knowing that he knew what to be in love was. the only difference is that he was lucky, he and Sarah had something so beautiful that some times you'd envy them but not in a bad way – you wanted so bad what they had.

The sound of water splashing made both of you turn your attention to the water in time to see Kie returning to the surface with a smile.

"What was that?" Pope asked, turning his hat backwards.

"I don't know but that was hot, bro!" JJ smirked, sipping on his beer.

You were about to hide your face on John B's shoulder, your stomach twisting when you heard Kie call your name.

"What are you waiting for, girl?! get in the water!" she said loud enough so you could hear, winking at you.

See, the perfect girl.

You rolled your eyes at her, smiling before John B pushed you to get up and into the water, barelly giving you time to take off your shirt.

Of course you knew that it wasn't her faul but you wish you could hate her, but how?

You let the water engulf you, staying underneath as long as your breath allowed you as you promised to yourself to have fun. crying over yourself would do nothing but ruin your and your friends meeting. you gotta get it together and that's what you did when you saw the sky again.. or you pretended.

It was a nice afternoon, filled with laugh, beer, water and weed – for those who smoked. it's been a while since the group had a great time without a care in the world.

You were the first to get out of the water, rubbing your arms to try warm yourself now that the sun was almost setting, the cold breeze sending goosebumps on your skin. JJ laughed of the scene because you looked like a chihuahua shaking, wrapping a towel around your shoulders and pulling you to sit between his legs.

The boy was the only one to stay in the boat all day, using any excuse he could to don't have to take off his shirt and let his friends know about the purple bruises on his torsos – bruises that you knew and have helped take care of two nights ago.

"Does it still hurts?" you layed your head where his arm meet his shoulders, ignoring your heart beating faster when his arms wrapped around your belly.

"Not much.. i've had a pretty good nurse"

You turned your head to face the boy, smiling as you found his eyes.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, just don't let her know that, don't want it getting to her head. Really, Y/N. you're the best friend ever, thank you." he kissed your cheek.

You forced a smile to your lips, ignoring the way these two words stincks in your heart as the others started to get in the boat.

Best friend. That's what you are and will eyes be for him. Nothing more than a friend.

By the time the hms pogue arrived at the Chateau, it was already dark for you to walk home and John B needed your help to plan a surprise to Sarah – he planned on officialy asking her to be his girlfriend – so he let you crash his place for the night, assurring you that you didn't even need to ask.

The both of you sat in the living room's floor for hours, legs criss crossed as you discussed the details about the plan, wanting this to be perfect.

"Your mother still have those Christmas lights, right?" he turned to you, snapping his finger as the new idea came to his mind. "I think we could put it around the tree outside and light up some candles. do you think she'd let me borrow.." john b stopped talking when he notice you starring at him.

"Why are you starring at me like that, weirdo?" he frowned, laughing as you rolled your eyes.

"She's lucky to have you, you know?"

"Aw, come here" he pulled you close, one arm wrapping around you. "You'll find someone for you too, y/n/n. It'll happen when you last expect."

You woke up to the sound of voices coming from outside the house. You grabbed your phone to check the time. 8am. You fall back on the couch, groaning because you knew you wouldn't be able to go back to sleep and you still had a hour before your alarm, so you decided to see what was going on.

You were about to open the door when you heard John B's voice, making you stop on your tracks.

"You kissed Kie?!" John B wide eyes starred at JJ, who had his head on his hand.

The blonde boy quickly got up, telling John B to 'keep his fucking voice low' since he didn't want the whole neighborhood to know.

Taglist: @maebanks @obxwriterfan @jayjaymaebank @drizzlethatfalls @sarahsmaybank @thefangirl05

let me know if you want to be tagged to my obx tag list :)

• masterlist •

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj #jj x reader #jj imagine #outer banks #obx #jj outer banks #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj fanfic #jj fanfiction #jj maybank outer banks

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echo-three-one · 3 years

Text

Whatever It Takes

Sequel to A Forgotten Memory

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

With more and more information revealed via Augustus' burner phone, The team now has to make an important decision, one that would change the course of their lives, forever.

Chapter 15 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Previous Chapter : Meet Me Halfway

Unexpected Alliances

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

Task Force 141

Flying above Russian Airspace

Roach was speechless. Admittedly the dark and messy battle at the Gulag was something worth noting but the thing that kept his head preoccupied at the moment was Soap and France kissing in the middle of warfare.

Guess love knows no boundaries huh. He thought to himself as he looked at France kneeling beside Soap who passed out from exhaustion. Another person laying beside him was an old man named Jack. The 141 records had a match to Jack, he's apparently Alex's mentor who got missing when their safehouse got raided.

Guess the force will be having two reunions tonight. His eyes turned to Price, who sat by the huge window and gazed into the sea of clouds, he's always serious and in thought that Gary found him intimidating, even after that short mission in Germany.

Then there was Ghost. He's surely heartbroken now that she saw what France did. And Gary was slightly to blame, well not necessarily his fault but if he pushed him enough to confess, maybe this won't hurt more than it did to him today.

Gary spent the rest of the trip observing, noting his comrade's actions, discussing with their thoughts, especially after the invasion. He was glad 141 extracted Soap before the deliberation, where none of them are allowed to perform missions. Gary felt scared, he just got here, got the hang of it, and was afraid to cut ties with the 141 on such short notice. But he hoped Shepherd would talk sense to the board, especially now that the burner phone filled with leads was within their possession.

"You're awfully quiet…" Ghost nudged to Gary while fidgeting with his gun.

"Well, I got nothing to talk about." Gary replied, turning to the masked man.

"Well I've got a lot, and it's pretty nasty. Can't say it here though." He replied, his tone was almost relieved, as if he just blurted out something that was bothering him for a long time.

"Is it about them?" Gary whispered, pointing his thumb to the couple back at the med bay.

"That's a different story, and I told you I was right, they already had a thing going on since day 1. Who am I to interfere…" Gary could feel him frown beneath the mask, he got defeated in the war of love.

"That's okay… You'll find someone better." Gary consoled and Ghost automatically shrugged it off.

"Eh. I hope…" he said, turning to the window opposite to Gary's position.

Task Force 141 Base - Infirmary

"The audio from this room's camera is muted so it's best to discuss it here." Ghost sat on the chair as concerned 141 members circled around him, Jack, Alex and Soap occupied the beds as they recovered from injuries.

"What you got for us, lad?" Price crossed his arms as he leaned by the door, his hat tilted perfectly on his head.

"An anonymous number sent Augustus coordinates of the base prior to the attack." He held up the phone and everyone murmured.

"Looks like we have another mole in our hands." Alex grunted, turning to Jack for nostalgia.

"But this time, we have a solid lead to who it is…" Ghost added while everyone braced themselves for the slap of reality they're going to get.

From out of nowhere the infirmary doors opened, Maxine was panting and sobbing at the same time, her hands held her thigh desperately enduring some sort of pain.

"It's Samantha… haaah… Shepherd took her!..." she panted as Gary quickly assisted him while everyone who was capable of fighting dashed to the scene.

"Go, Gary. I'll take care of her." Soap quickly got up with Jack, they were already fine and just required to complete their nutrition so assisting her would be the best option.

Gary nodded and dashed outside, bracing himself for the unbearable news.

"Shit. What's going on! I thought we already agreed not to take Samantha elsewhere!" Gary caught up with Ghost and the rest of the available team.

"I have my wild guess, but you're not going to like it." He replied, adjusting his shades as they exited the building. From there, they saw the General's aircraft already far away from their reach. Behind them Alex, Soap, Jack and Maxine followed, their faces were drawn with extreme sadness.

A few seconds of staring at the sky and Price's comms received an incoming message.

"Captain, I regret to inform you that the 141 is no more… I'm sending the High Value Individual to their care as the threat escalated and is being designated to a different force. I'm sorry. Please tell the rest of the group that in two weeks they will be returned to their prior assignments before 141 was established." his voice was nonchalant, emotionless and straightforward, like he's reading it from a diner table's tissue paper.

"No…" Price muttered. They were this close to Nero. The rest of the team looked down, others started to disperse and did as ordered while the more concerned group stayed.

"Shepherd's working with Nero. He wants the EMP based weaponry to help his marines in Afghanistan." Ghost blurted, raising the heads of everyone around him.

"He's trading the economical side of the world to win a war?" Gary asked, as the information doesn't add up.

"It's a wild guess but the global economic pressure is already influencing the government to allocate more funds to anti terrorism. Cutting off 141 shouldn't be in play but he found a way to do so… He wants us to stop fighting back."

"Then fighting back is what we're going to do." Price muttered, grabbing his phone.

"I'm going to make a few phone calls. Those who want to stay and save the world could stay. Those who are content to return to their past lives, you could leave."

"What about me?" Maxine asked, raising her hand.

"Come with us, We'll take care of you while it's not safe out." Gary said, almost pleading her to say yes.

"I don't have anyone else but France and Samantha. I don't know where to go from here…"

"Then that settles it. Nikolai will take us somewhere safe. If the 141 is no more, we could still salvage weapons and ammo for ourselves. But after this, there's no turning back." Price added, his voice sparked inspiration to everyone.

And that was it, from that moment. They've gone rogue, for a good cause. And they have to defeat Nero, Whatever it takes.

The Next Step

John Price

Task Force 141 - Disbanded

Former Task Force 141 Base - Helipad

A small group of his comrades were willing enough to stop the war, even at the cost of losing a lot of privileges. Price was always one to work under strict jurisdiction, and this rogue act he's going to commit will be backed up soon, it's going to be dependent on how Laswell influences the board.

The idea was easy. Create another task force which had to be approved prior to the 141's disbandment so that the papers for their redeployment would never be processed. Of course a few strings needed to be pulled and an organization must be able to absorb them. Interpol was willing to help along with Jack's influence to the CIA and Price was lucky enough to have them two on their side.

And there they were, with Nikolai's majestic aircraft, they set course to a temporary camp thanks to Jack. Price noted that he'd get along with the CIA, given they're age similarities and stance toward warfare.

He surveyed his trusty crew and took note of their abilities. There's Alex, former CIA and fought alongside him in Verdansk and Urzikstan. He's got a clear objective and will and it doesn't matter to Price whether its love or world peace. He's good at terrible hostile locations and can single-handedly turn the tide of war by local agreements and persuasion. A good weapon.

Then there's Simon Riley, or Ghost. Excellent Sniper, the team's tech guy. He's a keeper, his ability to reject emotions while in combat makes him focused and a keen observer. He also excels in weapon usage. You give him anything with a trigger and he'll be sure to hit enemies no matter what.

Another one is John MacTavish, or Soap, what kind of a name is Soap? Price thought. Price looked at the muppet proudly. He rose among his comrades during recruitment and stood at the top of his batch, showing exemplary combat skills and demolitions expertise. Excellent at handling air support machinery and his keen eye never misses a tango hiding from the field. He's got it tough recently, Price believed luck wasn't on his side that's why he got injured a lot.

There's Gary Sanderson or Roach. Price calls him the team's therapist. He sees the willingness to help from the guy. He's eager to train hard and be better and he was impressed on how he handled the German Infilnitration they did together. He has initiative and a clear goal. Something useful at these times.

There's Francine Winters, France a.k.a. Shepherd's prodigy, the last minute addition. He's still quite skeptic as to why she's placed here, but so far he knew that with her sister mentally disturbed by the enemies she's bound to use her emotions as ammunition. She's great at stealth and close combat especially great for breaking and entering missions. She could be trained of open area battles and she has the drive to do so, making her another good addition to the team.

As for the remaining ones, Jack and Maxine, he has no idea yet but them tagging along and using their resources to the fight would greatly increase their chances of killing Nero and destroying the era of EMP machinery.

"Looks like you got yourself a pretty nice team, pal." Jack patted the Former captain's shoulder.

"Yeah. Small enough to remain secret and powerful enough to defeat Nero." he muttered. Jack held his phone and showed it to Price.

"I got us a place. An old CIA Safehouse."

"Are you sure this is going to be okay?"

"Positive. This one's not used for decades. Classified as dormant and unmaintained. It's situated near a city that once housed a lot of terror activity but after it got neutralized it became very peaceful." Jack convinced. Price no longer hesitated, the team needed the help they can get.

"As long as we're under the radar." He replied and gave Nikolai the coordinates. From there they would begin their revenge toward Nero's attack, plan Samantha's rescue, and discover what Shepherd is really up to...

One step at a time.

Doing everything they can.

To set things right.

Whatever it Takes.

END OF PART 1

Wild ride first half. I hope you stay for the second part right around the corner!

Notification Squad my beloved 💝

@smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @ricinbach @beemybee @whimsywispsblog

#horRAYfic #whateverittakes #john price #simon ghost riley #gary roach sanderson #john soap MacTavish #alex echo 3 1 #cod #codmw

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purplerose244 · 4 years

Text

Thoughts journal Ninjago season 13!!! 🤩🤩 (3/4)

I am enjoying the season A LOT. The reveal has been thrown already, everything seems to be leading towards something special about Rock Mom and I couldn't hope for something better!! I know Lou will be back so I guess a flashback?... I'M SO EXCITED 💕💕

Alright, let's start!!

DUNGEON PARTY!

Side note, we're past the season and no Nexo Knights reference. Me sad, but me not quitting like ninja!! 💪💪

Korgran of METALONIA?!?! WHERE KARLOF COMES FROM!!! Oh you just love to feed me with good throwbacks, now do you Ninjago crew 😍

Plundar the thief, yeah, the attire gives it away although it is nice. And Fungus... huh... well that explains the mushrooms on the hat I guess 😅

Yep, there we go, a party of adventurers, the DnD situation promised 👈👈 He said loot, I saw a 20 faced dice, nice nice

In these recent seasons adventurers just won't like to do adventures for one reason or another, first uncle Powers, now these guys? I mean Ninjago is in danger every freaking time and you risk your life at every step and there's a new formidable villain every like five seconds but... huh... what was my point again?

THE ANIME STYLE IS BACK 😂😂 Oh boy I can tell we're in for a train to crazy town

I'm thinking this dude looks a lot like He-Man... of course he does, the HECK, am I noticing this just now? 😑

I do agree with mister Korgran's father reluctance about talking like that (I saw too many anime characters like that 😂), but Karlof uses the third person too. Either it's common in Metalonia, or there's a general lack of education there 😅 (I LOVE METAL BOY I MISS HIM 🖤🖤)

Talking axe that doesn't talk, nice 😂

Okay... okay, I need a moment

This is too cute. I know her head is a bit too big but LOOK AT THEM 💛🤍💛🤍 Has Chompy never grown?... wait he did got big that one time... okay... okay, never mind

Well that's a pretty nice party, you got your barbarian, your magic user and your rogue. Kinda misses a healer but still... tomorrow I'm doing a DnD session with my friends and I wanna sound like I know stuff 😂

I just noticed that I haven't seen hidden trap doors like that since Chen, the ABC of villains right there my friends 👆

So the King didn't become evil just because of the skull, he actually wished to obtain it and use the dark power. I get that he wants to defend the city but he is basically remorceless about everything else, so he is guilty. Also DRAGON ABUSER 😡

Poor Vania, but she overcame her Skylor situation very quickly. Proud 💛

There we go with the encouragement, you go Rocky!! We have a crazy Skull dude to turn into dust!! 👿👿

Wait, a promise he made a long time ago? Rock mom?

DUNGEON CRAWL!

ROCK MOM!!! YAAAASSS!!! FINALLY SHE'S HERE!!! 🖤🖤🖤

Oh holy FSM, my heart 💔

MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH. Cole as a kid, Lou is back, Rock Mom IS SICK AND WILL DIE, all the drawings, the picture of them together 😭😭

I cannot, freaking, this kid doesn't want his mom to be sick and he's gotten into troubles at school and she wants him to fight and be strong and right and SHE HAS HIS SAME EYEBROWS 😢😢😢😢😢😢

This scene was really heartbreaking, such a genuine situation with a kid that wants her mom to be fine and proud of him 🖤

Just looked at her VA and it's Erin Matthews 🤩 So first I'm counting it as a Nexo Knights reference just because MACY AND ROBIN ❤🖤❤🖤 Second, wasn't "the mom" going to be voiced by Jillian? Is it... is it Maya? Is she coming back? MAYBE NEXT SEASON??? NYA SEASON?!?!? 🤯🤯

Oh, we're moving on? So... so there's still the stuff about Rock Mom's past to uncover, still unsure if she was the one of the blades for the two tribes

PLUNDAR WE DO NOT DISRESPECT COLE INTO THIS HOUSE VANIA MY GIRL YOU ARE SPEAKING FOR ME TOO 💪💪

The connection between Cole and his mom is the earth itself, I'm loving this concept so much. It's true that he never found himself this deep into his element before, the Caves of Despair were mines but never this deep. This really is rock bottom... HECK YEAH

Well Cole...

Welcome to the colored eyes because of elemental power ninja team!! 💚❤🧡 (without counting the forbidden scroll moments) I LOVE WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! I'M GETTING SO PROUD AND EMOTIONAL!!! I'M PROUDOTIONAL!!! 🤯

Aww, Cole saving his son sensei, very nice. They did save each other a lot 🤷‍♀️

This place reminds me a lot of the Fire Temple where Kai got himself into trouble in season 1 but then saved Lloyd, one of my favorite and most memorable episode of the show... I'M TOO NOSTALGIC RIGHT NOW LET'S MOVE ON

NEVER MIND COLE IS TAKING CHARGE LIKE OLD TIMES HE IS FINALLY THE LEADER AGAIN I'M GONNA CRY ROCKY I'M SO HAPPY YOU DESERVE THIS 🖤

Wu's spinjitzu!! Always nice to see it 😊 And yes Adam is a good boy, and for my arachnophobia is a little freaky saying it 😅

Ah, good Plundar, Cole needs all the appreciation of the world because HE IS SUCH A GOOD PERSON AND AMAZING WARRIOR AND I LOVE HIM AAAAAA

This is probably my favorite episode for now, got Rock Mom, got elemental powers, got a lot of Cole in all of his glory: the leader with a clear smart mind able to lead even strangers, with big heart for what's important 👏👏

I feel like this season is giving him glory, I'm curious about how it will end!!

GRIEF-BRINGER

Okay I know it's the name of the dragon... and it gets me a little antsy 😅

Back to the munce! Still doing as good as ever I see! 😅 And lol, you can't blame Nya for not being nice Jay! Although she is kinda best friends with Ronin who double crossed her multiple times... okay, I see your reasoning Bluebell

There we go, Nya making them listen. I honestly could have seen her just grabbing one of them and make them fly through the the room, still cool though 😎

Back to the geckles! Also doing as good as ever! 😅 These little purple guys are so dang cute, seeing my flame babe trying to lead is so PRECIOUS, and even more PRECIOUS is Zane giving him support... and a rock in the face 🤍🤍

Gotta say

I'm more and more fascinated by their culture 😂😂

Aww little Gleck, everything had started with him after all... wait... HER NAME IS LILLY?!?! ROCK MOM HAS A NAME!!! AND SHE IS GILLIE/MILLIE!!! I KNEW IT!!! 🤩🤩

I think I saw the name somewhere, didn't think it was actually her. I always headcanoned her as Gaia, but Lilly is a very sweet name too 💕

It is pretty nice that even though we as viewers didn't know what happened to Lilly, the ninja knew. It's obvious, they've known each other for so long, but still. It feels nice to see this 😊

Oh-oh, Skull dude is up to something... and he said the title 👈👈

Zane keeps being the sweetest thing ever created, le cute dude 🤍🤍 Never thought I'd see Tin Can and Hothead discussing about lies while two slugs race each other...

I don't know if it's the new animation but the armored suits look CRAZY GOOD, the metal and the details are awesome!! I approve the suits of this season 👍

Pff, they are talking down his sister, if he knew they would be literally toasted 🔥

HUG HUG BEAUTIFUL LEGO HUG!!! And she lifts him up, omg the Smith siblings are back and they are so CUTE 😍

Yep, only he can talk down his sister... and possibly be annihilated right after 😅

Oh, the dragon that almost destroyed the two tribes... OH THE DRAGON THAT ALMOST DESTROYED THE TWO TRIBES!!! 😱😱

NO GUYS DON'T LEAVE LLOYD AND ZANE BEHIND, THEY ARE THE MOST PRONE TO SACRIFICE THEMSELVES 😭😱😭😱😭😱

The cringe Kai, the cringe never leaves you alone you beautiful idiot ❤

I cannot believe the animators managed to make Lloyd's LEGO hair swoosh, I must applaude them 👏👏👏 Also POOR BABY ON THE GROUND GIVE HIM A VACATION FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

Well aren't things getting even more complicated 😅 Where is Cole? We need season superstar pronto!

MASTERS NEVER QUIT

Awww, major throwback to the show's most famous motto right in the title! NINJA NEVER QUIT!!! LET'S GO THEN!!! 🤩

The upply team! With the lava beast back... I could easily make comment about how it could be a representation of Cole's feelings since it's LAVA with EARTH and FIRE, and he is running from them... I'M JUST RAMBLING MOVING ON 🖤❤🖤❤

Cole misses the Caves of Despair maybe, he wants to have a round with the carts like in Possession 😂 Was that why he knew it was going to work eventually? That would be histerical, especially since back then they all almost fell into the lava 😅😅

The Heart of the Mountain? Secret temple of the masters of Earth? Possibly hidden in Shintaro? Spinjitzu Burst? Wu, let me ask you this... just in case... is there... perhaps...

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD US??? 😡😡

He is definitely and officially old, only reason why he keeps forgetting to warn people about stuff 😑 I mean, it's not major like with Morro or Aspheera, I guess it's an improvement?... kinda?

So you learn spinjitzu burst if you're surrounded by your element, that sounds pretty awesome! I wonder how it could be with all the others, this can open up kinda like a quest for the true potential but with different places and lots of OP powers and I'M INTO IT 🤩🤩🤩

Okay season, I get it

YOU WANNA MAKE ME CRY 😭😭 I love this aztec vibe, so cool and appropriate she looks STUN 🖤

I didn't expect this much introspection about Cole, I thought it was going to be kinda last minute like with Jay in Prime Empire. I'm so thankful it's not like that, freaking yes. YES. GO COLE BURST OUT!!

... okay, take your time sweetie, no rush. The other ninja are just going to be fried but eh, happens all the time 🤷‍♀️

VANIA MAH GIRL 💕 I understand Wu, I mean the guys kinda learned all they needed already back when they started to train Lloyd. Ever since then, they had been not master and students, but just family. And you always need family, no matter how far you go 🖤

Awwww, Wu! You got your own development too! 👍 So nice to hear "ninja never quit" again, can't be too sure but it's been a while 😍

Let's hope the guys are doing fine resisting while Team Cole arrives 😎😎

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye

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phantomofsilence · 5 years

Text

Title : Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Word Count : Honestly who the hell knows?

Warning : Sad Bucky, sad Steve, you can see it from the request.

A/N :

Alright so i already posted this request but Tumblr somehow deleted it. So i had to do it all over again. Well thankfully not the story, i fortunately wrote it in the notes, i learned that lesson the hard way. Anyway along with a story the request itself was deleted. So i think this is how the request went, if it was your request message me if it was wrong. Also i had a really hard time with this request, i don't know why i just wasn't inspired, well probably more tired from college than inspired, but that's why it took so long. I wanted to do it right. Also for anyone else who send me a request i saw it, and i will right it as soon as my obligations allow me some free time. Also i did the P. O. V. thing so don't get confused. Okay, enough rambling, i hope you like it. And also i believe there was a compliment in the request for gif usage, thank you for that. 😘😘😘❤️

Request : Can you do a fic where you and the new agent are getting closer to the point where the team suspects that you are falling out of love with Bucky? (angst to fluff).

Steve's P. O. V.

As soon as he saw her enter the kitchen Chris was out of his seat smothering her in a hug, but Natasha and Steve, hung back and watched with frowns on their faces.

They stayed quiet during their conversation occasionally sipping coffee.

Their stubbornness and Steve's persistence in making sure both him and the team stay out of this complicated and deeply personal situation, rendered them mute, as they stood there cold and stoic, as they sipped on their coffee.

Many would say the intimacy in the embrace, those gentle smiles, and completely unnecessary gazes they were curently being subjected to were highly inappropriate and Steve would have to agree with them.

The more he watched, the more sorry he felt for his friend. But no, Steve wasn't angry at her, he was hurt. How could such a sweet girl be so uncaring? No one deserves this kind of treatment, his friend the least. He's been through so much already, Steve thought you out of all people understood this.

He lost so much, did he have to lose you too?

You were the rock that kept thing moving, a force anyone could fall back on if needed to be. And you want to abandon it all, for this Chris, a man you barely know compared to his friend.

Steve knew he was letting his feelings cloud his judgement, and you haven't really done anything but spent time with a man you claimed was your friend, a man that was your partner. He knew he spent just as much, if not more time with Natasha and she was one of his most valued friends.

Also, Chris seemed like a nice guy, the kind of man if you were still single he'd advise you to go for.

But that's it, you weren't single. In fact you were in a committed relationship with the most important person in his life.

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he didn't know what to do. Invade his best friend's privacy or let his best friend be hurt when he could at least cushion the blow.

One more look at the 'lovely couple' and he decided, privacy be damned, his friend deserves honesty at least and he was gonna make sure he got it for him.

"Steve.." a voice trailed off cautiously, he looked over the see Natasha leaning on the counter facing them, with her head turned towards him looking at him.

"I know, Nat." he knew he shouldn't have snapped, it wasn't her fault. She sighed.

"Steve it should be one of us, I know it sucks to hurt him like that, but it's even worse if he caught them, and we knew but didn't tell him."Like always the redhead was right, but he still tried to reason with her.

"But she hasn't done anything yet Natasha, we can't make things up when they didn't happen."

She rolled her eyes at his statement. "Yes, Steve, she hasn't done anything, yet Steve. The key word being yet. Come on, Steve! They've known each other for only two months, and they are joined at the hip. If you think Bucky didn't notice you are mistaken. Dude's been giving her the kicked puppy eyes for days now and she hasn't even noticed choosing to ogle at her new beau. This calls for revenge! "The redhead took a deep breath and said.

" He is your best friend Steve, if the rolls were reversed wouldn't you like him to say something? "

Steve didn't respond, it wasn't necessary, they both knew the answer. Instead of pushing him, Natasha gently squeezed his shoulder and left him in the kitchen to think it over.

An hour later Steve was letting out his anger on a punching bag. The more he thought about it, the more conflicted he got.

This wasn't his relationship but it was his friend. Thou you were his friend too, after Peggy's death you along with Natasha were there for him, hell you've spent the whole day making jokes just to make him forget.

You were like Bucky, the Bucky from before, not just before The Winter Soldier, but before the war. The guy that got him in a lot of trouble and the guy that stood by him and protected him when he took a bite too large to swallow.

The man that took him to many unsuccessful dates, his companion, his family, it's what drew him to you.

You were a sense reality in the world that no longer made sense, a familiar face in a strange place.

Although he wanted to protect his friend, he also felt oddly protective of you. He couldn't betray your trust, but he couldn't betray Bucky either.

Why did this has to be so hard? He thought and punched the punching bag so hard it ripped and fell few feet away.

"What did that punch bag ever do to you?" Said a man Steve was successfully avoiding since this morning.

"Oh, hey Buck. What's up?" he said trying to act nonchalant. "I could ask you the same thing. Why are you avoiding me? Did i do something?" Bucky demanded.

"I'm not avoiding you." Steve mildly shrugged. Glaring at him he got closer almost to his face. "What the hell is going on?"

Steve could hear the anger in his voice, but also hurt, trying to protect him he's the one that ended up hurting him.

"Nothing, Buck." Steve said. "Listen here, punk!

"It's bad enough the love of my life could possible be cheating on me right now, now i can't even trust you!? What the hell man?"

Steve looked at his best friend, his eyes were puffy, tears threatening to spill, but he refused to let them fall, he had dark bags under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping well, his hands shaking in anger, this was a man already hurt.

"Look i wanted to tell you about her, but I didn't want to betray her either so I've been ignoring you both so i don't hurt anyone. I guess that ship sailed." He said, his friend deserved honestly at least he can get it from him.

"You think she's cheating on me?" asked Bucky. "I don't know, man. I did not see her so anything, from all we know we're just making stuff up."

Steve frowned, even thou he shouldn't do it now, he was defending her. "You're a good friend, Steve. But i didn't ask what you saw, i want a yes or no answer." Bucky said.

"Why do i matter, why are you asking me? If you really wanted to know you'd ask her. But you're asking me because you know i will never give you that answer. So why are you asking me, Buck?" Steve demanded.

Bucky glared at him, before he grabbed his shoulder giving him a smile." You're a punk, kid."Bucky said, paused to inhale and exhale before continuing." It's because i don't really wanna know. I love her, Steve. If fact i love her so much that even thou, she 's literally ripping me in half, my brain is still finding a reason to forgive her. That she loves me and it's all a mistake. I'm pathetic."

Bucky lowered his head, squeezed his shoulder again, let go and turned to leave.

At the door Steve voice halted him in place.

" You're not pathetic. You love her. Knowing you my whole life, you were never soft on a dame like that. I'm sorry it had to be like this."

Without turning around Bucky whispered. "Me too." And left.

Steve could see it bright as day this man was a mess. He had to do something, you might be his friend, and it wasn't his business , but he was about to confront you.

Steve knew you, you were not a coward.

He would get you to tell the truth, perhaps it wasn't too late. You need to be honest and you might even work it out with Bucky.

Taking his phone out of his pocket he texted you to meet him in his room.

Your P. O. V.

After the workout Chris suggested you go to the diner you always go after a successful mission.

"Come on it's been some time since we been there." Snorting at that statement you replied. "We literally went there two days ago."

Groaning Chris whined. "Exactly, too long, come on i know you can practically taste those fries and that strawberry and vanilla milkshake you like. Eh, it will be fun and if i may say so i make great company."

Although the offer was tempting, and you really could taste those fries and that delicious milkshake, you had to go home to your boyfriend.

You missed him so much, and judging by those sad eyes he's been giving you he missed you just as much, if not more.

The missions you were being sent on this past month left little to no time for your relationship, and now having to prepare for an undercover mission of great importance and you weren't allowed to speak about it with anyone according to Maria, you were forced to spend all your free time with Chris.

Well forced was a harsh word, Chris was a great man and an amazing partner, but he wasn't your boyfriend.

"Sorry gotta take a rain check." You mumbled apologetically. Chris smiled and pulled you in for a hug.

"Hey i get it, if i had a hunk like that waiting for me at home, i wouldn't even bother talking to you. Scram, kid." You arched an eyebrow on chuckling. "Is that so? "

"I'd fuck him."

As you were nearing your apartment your phone buzzed. Looking at the screen you saw you had a text from Steve. Opening it read' We need to talk, met me at my place'.

Steve was not the best texter but he never sounded this urgent and formal. If this was about the mission he would have asked meat at The Tower, this was personal.

Something was wrong.

All it took was three knocks to be met with Steve's hard gaze, he stood aside allowing you to come in.

"So we need to talk?Are you breaking up with me Steve?"A light-hearted joke that was meant to brighten the mood was met with a glare. Okay, not the right crowd.

"Listen, i know it's non of my business and you're my friend, but this needs to end. What the hell is going on with you and Chris? "

Steve asked firmly before placing his hands on his belt buckle. You knew that stance, you've seen it a million times, it was meant to frighted and send a message that he met business.

You never thought you's see it being used on you. But you weren't so easily scared.

"You're right, Steve it's non of your business ." You replied defensively. Who was he thinking he could question you?

"You're right, but i don't care. I'm the one who has to watch my friend heartbroken when you leave with Chris, so excuse me if I'm a little protective. Just don't. Own up to it." Steve said.

"Own up to what, Steve? Heartbroken? My Bucky? What the hell is going on?" You demanded. You have done nothing to Bucky. What the hell is he talking about?"You hurt him and..." Steve began but you cut him off. "Hurt him i haven' t even spoken to him!" You piped up.

"Exactly."

Bucky's P. O. V.

Knowing he couldn't stay cupped up in his room with all those thoughts swearing in his head Bucky decided to take a walk, and by walk he meant a run, muttering angry at nothing and panting wildly.

He wasn't sure if he was panting because he was tired from the aggressive run or the work his mind put him through.

He decided the latter.

As if he was cursed to suffer today, he ran into the last person he wanted to see. Chris strolled up to him, a bright smile on his face, as if he wasn't the cause to his misery. Some nerve on this guy!

"Hey, Buck right?" he said to Bucky holding his hand for him to shake. Bucky just looked down at it frown.

"Not a hand shaker? Alright, i get it. I'm getting used on it myself.Also some say it's unhygienic."

What pissed of Bucky even more was that Chris wasn't even fazed by Bucky unfriendly stance. This guy!

"Anyway i just wanted to meet the man my partner won't shut up about. I mean that woman's got you on a pedestal you'd think your shooting rainbow out of your ass."

Keep rubbing salt to an open wound, Bucky though. This dude was something else.

"Look man, i don't really know her for that long, but she's kinda grown on me. She's one heck of a woman. She means a lot to me and... " Bucky cut him of. "I can imagine." He remarked through his teeth.

"No, you really can't, she has been there for me after the war, you know when you get back everyone keeps walking on egg shells around you, it's a strange place, even the bed feels wrong, too soft. But she made me feel human."

Suddenly the anger for the man was gone and all that was left was confusion. Chris was a marine? It would explain his posture.

" She's not afraid to hold me, i thank God or whatever is out there everyday for a friend like her. "

Bucky knew what he was talking about oh to well, she made him fell the same. She was comfort, she was peace, she was his home.

" Why are you telling me all of this? "Bucky asked.

" Because I'm not blind, i know a jealous man when i see one. She holds me because it helps me relax, not because she is in love with me. Don't even try to deny it. I know what it feels to love her, but you know what it feels like to be loved by her. If anyone has the right to be jealous, it's me. Don't screw this up, man. See ya. "

Before Bucky even had the chance to process what Chris had said, he turned and ran the other way.

Walking into your room you felt oddly nervous. You didn't even know it but you've made the man you love, a man in doubt.

He now questioned your love and you did not even notice. Sure you saw a bit of sadness but regarded it as him simply missing you.

Not a man heartbroken and riddled with insecurities. He probably hasn't even slept right and you didn't see it.

There was no reason for your fear, the room was empty, no Bucky in sight. Footsteps in the hallway made you turn around. Walking out of the room you followed the footsteps into the hallway, outside your apartment, down the stairs and only when you were outside did you catch the glimpse of the man of our.

Gathering enough courage you called out Bucky who at the sound of your voice turned and froze.

The tension was high, you could feel it in the air as you stared at one another.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak not even knowing what to say Bucky crossed the distance, grabbed you by the back of your neck and kissed you.

It only took you a second to respond, the kiss was desperate, teeth clashing, tongues fighting for dominance, while hands roamed all over, pulling, squeezing.

Pulling away for air you kept your eyes closed. "Tell me you love me." Pleaded Bucky, making you feel even more guilty.

Opening your eyes your hands sneaked themselves around his neck pulling until your forehead touched his own.

"I'm not sure about a lot of things Bucky. But there is one thing i am sure about and that is that i love you, James Buchanan Barnes, i love you and i always will. I'm sorry i ever made you doubt my love. "

"No, i am the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you in the first place. I got so stuck in my own head. I'm sorry. I love you so much, doll."

"I love you. Let's just forget about it and agree that from now on we will talk about this things. No holding back. "

"You're right. From now, we talk. But please be patient with me. And do me a favor, will you."

"Anything."

"Don't quit on me. I know it can be hard to be with me sometimes, but I love you as much it is possible for this broken man to love. "

"You're not broken, just bent. And don't act like I'm a walk in the park, i know i can be frustrating. But this is a relationship, we work together, we compromise, we fight, we make love. We don't quit on each other, we fight for us."

"I love you."

"And i love you."

152 notes · View notes

unqueenlybiscuits · 7 years

Note

K-pop hates your nasally tone.

fuck you and your cow

You Don't Mess With The Zohan Script

You don't mess with the Zohan! Come disco. No, no, no.I no disco, I make the fish. Danny, come on, go disco. Oh, okay. Disco! Danny, that looks good. You're gonnabe a hit at your bar mitzvah. So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,I no see you disco. No, no, no. I making dagim.I no disco. A real man, he can discoand cooking dagim. So let's go. Go, go. I get the hummus for you. And for you. Little for me, eh! No. No. Kapara, what is going on! Just some bullshit-uchen. Let's go! Hey, I'm on vacation here.Can't you see this! You promised me time off.Get someone else to do it. Are they gonna hurt him! No one can hurt the Zohan. - Bye, Zohan.- Take care, man. The terrorist known as Phantom... ...was spotted yesterday at aHacky Sack tournament in Beirut. He may be have been trying tobait us by surfacing briefly. We believe he's being kept in a safehouse on the Lebanon border. How is we lose Phantom! Didn't I capture Phantomthree months ago! What, you didn't hearabout the trade! What trade! Zohan, we gave back the Phantom. No! What do you mean,we give back the Phantom! Zohan, relax. It was a good trade.We got back Etan and David. That's all we gotfor a veteran terrorist! Come on, we got hosed here. They threw in a spyto be named later. Come on, Zohan,you have to like that deal. Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev. Ze'ev.Come on, he's not even a good spy. He got caught, for God's sake.He's a stupid. Our plan is to enter the building fromthe front with a team of eight men... ...with an additional 12 menat perimeter positions. Unfortunately, there is a highprobability of collateral damage... ...including property and loss of life,on both sides. Okay, here we go. Excuse me! Come on, is it not saferto send one man into building... ...with minimal coverageto take out the target... ...instead of blowing uphalf the neighborhood! Well, who would do that! Oh, "who would do that!" You know you weregoing to ask the Zohan. Zohan, why you say this! I just laid out an entire planwhich didn't rely on you. Come on, Yaron,you're setting me up. All this talk of civilian casualties,then of course I end up doing it. - But I'm not even asking you to do it.- All right, I'll do it. Give me Avi and Koby as watch,I'll get it done without the mess. Well, thank you. You didn't have to. Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah. Have some Fizzy Bubblech. "Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good. "Avalon." Chunky cuts. Zohan, what are you doing!The girls are here. I know, I was watching television. Well, if you want to have fun with us,we're right next door. - Good with the sticky, you should do it.- No, no, no. I am going to dinner with my parents.Just leave me alone. - All right, all right.- It is all right! You don't giggle at the Zohan. You hear me!No giggling at the Zohan. You never giggle at the Zohan. What's the matter, tatele? You haven't touchedyour baba ganoush. What would you think if I tell you... ...I want to leaving the army,start a new life! Why would you do that!You are good at it. It's steady pay. You can't leave,you're one of their best. Besides, you are too oldto take a risk. Stay in the army, play it safe. There's other things I can dobesides war. You don't war. - I was in the real war.- I know, I know the story. 1967. We were surrounded on all sides,outnumbered. - And in six days, we...- And in six days, we won. You won. I'm sorry,I don't have a big, fancy war... ...that lasted all of six days... Six days and five hours.Your generation likes to forget that. Dad, I've done so muchfor the country. When does it end! They've been fighting for 2000 years.It can't be much longer. All of my friends servedthe minimum three years. Why can't I move on!Do something else. Something more creative. Creative, what! You've caught so many terrorists,it's an art. You're like Rembrandtwith a grenade. What will you do! Maybe go to America. What, and haggle overstereo equipment! Wait a minute, Ya'acov. Uncle Levi will set you upat electronic store. You make money, sow yourcreative oats, you come back. No, I don't want to doelectronics store. Then how will you make money! I don't want to say. Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,who can you tell! Come, Zohanele. I want to cut... ...and style hair. You... You fagala? He's fag... Faga... I like hair. It's pleasant,it's peaceful, no one gets hurt. Well, you're only diggingthat fagala hole deeper and deeper. Hello, down there!Hello, in the fagala hole. Maybe he wants Vaseline. Yes, it's so funny. I just want to make peoplesilky smooth. You know the Phantom will try to run,so be ready for this. - Zohan, now!- So let's go. The Zohan. Freeze! I get it, I get it,you guys don't like our country. So we are the bad ones. I'd love to sit and discuss thiswith you, but I'm short on time. I'm just saying.It's not so cut-and-dry. We settled herefor hundreds of years! Good point. None of my ancestors ever steppedfoot in this land. No, you're right. Hey, don't walk away! Come out, come out,wherever you are. Hello, jackass. You think you can oppress my people,landgrabber! But I will never disappear. No one can catch Phantom! So let's go. Very good. Sorry. It's for the cause. Zohan. Zohan, bring it. Why you do this! I feel no pain. No, no, no. I feel no pain. - I feel no pain. This is too much...- No, no, no. I feel no pain. I have told you in other fights. No, no, no. I kill you right now. Look, look, look. The piranha,it looks very painful for you. Is good, is good. Is very nice. Yes, yes. Fizzy Bubblech for me. You like what you see! Time to die. So let's go. Okay, game over. Yeah! I kill! I kill the Zohan! Zohan is dead. The Phantom! Cutting the hair,this makes something beautiful. Instead of shooting it. That's why I had to fake to die. I could have captured Phantom again,but for what! They trade him. I love my country,but the fighting, it never ends. It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco. Coco, you bite him back. Soon you are both having worms,eating your own poopech... I understand. The pills. Your parents thinkthey know what's best for you. Sleep. It's all about not getting recognized. I know how great I lookedin the beard... but I'll make this work for me,you'll see. Rise and shine, guys.Good morning. Is nice, huh! It's the Avalon. It says I care about the way I look,but I'm still approachable. Oh, you like this! Who wants to go next, guys!Who wants to look silky smooth! Yes. Yes. Oh, where are my two little babies!Oh, come on. Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.Come to Mama, Mr. Coco. Mr. Scrappy. Coco.What happened! Who gave you permissionto do this, huh! Who did! Answer me. Scrappy, was it you!It was you, wasn't it! You're always the instigator. Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.Never again are you gonna travel. Take me to the Paul Mitchellhair salon. - First time in New York!- Yes, my friend. So, what brings you here! I have a dream. I had a dream too. What dream you have! My dream was to come to America... ...and make enough moneyto send for me brothers and sisters... ...so that we all could enjoyfreedom together. - This is good dream.- Oh, yes, it is. - Is dream come true!- No, man. Me brothers and sisterswere hacked to death. But I love the Chinese food here.It's incredible. - Hey, you forgot these.- Those are for you, my friend. Good morning for you.I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell. And who are you! Scrappy Coco.I am here to take a job from him. He isn't in right now. That's good. So I will wait, then. You know what! I'll takeone Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry. You know,he actually doesn't come in too often. Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,so let's go. - I am the best.- The best at what! All of this. The cutting, the styling,the making it silky smooth. I wanna know who cuts your hair. Oh, you like this, eh! This is the Avalon,straight from the Paul Mitchell book. I haven't seen that stylesince Luke married Laura. Sister, are you this Laura! You tell Paul Mitchell,Scrappy Coco was here to see him. If I find out he was here... ...or you are keeping himhidden from me... ...I will destroy you. Believe me this. What the hell was this, champ!I'm not paying for that! This asshole cut me off,made me swerve into you! With all due respect,I was in the bicycle lane. You came like a madman.Be glad nobody was hurt. I mean, somebody could've died.I mean, you came... Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature. You do not want to bethrowing bicycles. Look, stay out of my business,Mustafa. "Mustafa"! This is not my name.Who tells you this is my name! Whatever.Salami, bologna, apple sauce. Apple who! My friend, if I were you,I would change the tone. Avoid the pain. Listen, go back to your goddamnedpretzel stand. We got it... - Look what I've got. It's right here.- Please! - I've got it.- Please, let me go. I never work at pretzel stand.You like to insult people! Was that your feet! Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut. Here comes the double foot. This is good. Smell it, smell it, smell it.Now take it. - That's for you.- All right, let me go! You said you wanted pretzel! Okay, I'm good. Beautiful. You want some chickens! No, no, no. I fix for you. It's all b'seder. What are you, bionic! No, no, no. I only like the girls. Thanks, anyways. This is ridiculous traffic. Anyway, George insistedwe have the party. - I always get midnight shift.- Could you keep it down, please! I no sleep,I no see World Series Poker. Are you even watching the road! Be nice. He could be a terrorist. - Why Hamdi no get no midnight!- Could you at least change the station! - Hey, that was amazing.- Oh, yes. Where are you from, anyway! Where am I from! Australia. Really!Because you sound Middle Eastern. No, no, no. Similar accents. - Kangaroo. You see!- Sure. This is ridiculous. We're getting out. - Come on, dear.- I've been working longer than Hamdi. - You want me to get you home!- No, I'll grab a cab. You've done enough.That was crazy. Whose lockzie do I have to schluck? Oh, you know you're boning me.I don't know that. It's you. - What is happening!- What's happening! It's bullshaklaga. - We have to go.- Go where! - I'll run you.- What are you doing! This is legal! Scrappy, have another kneidlach.Come on. You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman. It reminds me of my mother's cookingin Australia. Really!It's funny, you don't sound Australian. Yes, no, no, no.This is because I am half Australian... ...half Mount Everest. So this is what you're hearing. Well, Australia,it must be really nice there... ...since they got rid of the apartheid. Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler. So, Scrappy,I understand you cut hair. I will be workingwith Mr. Paul Mitchell... ...as soon as I find outwhere they are hiding him. Oh, Mom, Scrappydoesn't have a place to stay yet. - Really!- Not yet. Well, actually,there's a nice one-bedroom... ...that just opened up upstairs. Nice light, not huge. And they redid the kitchen very well. - This could be good.- Could be good. Could be good. Hey, Mom,do you know where the detergent is! - That's very good.- Oh, my God! What! What's the matter! What's the matter! That's my mom. - It's okay, Michael.- I know it's your mother. She's very beautiful. Michael, I haven't made stickyin two days. - What do you want from me!- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep! - Or dead!- No, Michael. You do... What's he doing now! Why'd that happen!Why'd that happen! It's okay. Let me talk to him. Oh, I can't get up. No, no. You'll feel your legs againin two hours. Michael. Come on, this is nothingto feel bad about. Me sexing your mother. It's beautiful. It's natural. No, I didn't bring you hometo do it with my mother. Why not, huh!You don't want her to be happy! Did you see her! Did you look at her! I don't thinkI can ever look at her again. Michael, her faceduring the big bang-boom! You did not see! She was glowing. Patches. What are you...! Michael, come on. They'll be plenty of timefor you and me. Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!How's this! No, why would I wanna goto a disco tonight! Michael, you should go. It'd be fun! You could use a little stank. Yes, you need your penachimto take a swim. Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.It wouldn't hurt. Disco, disco.Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no! Come on, you get to disco. - All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.- Okay. I do your mother one more time,and then we go. - Wha...!- Seconds already! Oh, yes. Hey. Look at this. This is what you need, man,to let off a little steam, huh! How many times a day do youmake sticky! Two! Five! Twelve! How many times a day!I've had sex once in my life. It was at tennis camp.It was awful. You're too picky, Michael.Maybe that's the problem. Every weed in the desertis still a flower. Look at this. This a big one, eh! But look at the tits.These will bounce nice for you. Your mother, she has huge poopeh. I mean, very wide. But what I see are two big, strong legswrapped around my head, squeezing. So who wants to get somepoontachen? - I wanna get some poontachen?- Well, let's get some. Yes. It's good for you. Nice spinning. This is what I'm talking about.You play this. - I ain't playing this corny shit.- No, no. I need to set themood for my friend. Get out,you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf... - Disco, disco.- Good, good! - Disco, disco.- Good, good! Yes, hello. Hello. Hey, Zohan. Who you looking for! It's okay, no one can hear mein disco, Zohan. Can you believe the poontachatin this place! I'm not Zohan.My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend. What!Of course you are Zohan Dvir. They all think you dead in Israel.I'm not going to tell. Tell what!I don't know what you're talking about. Zohan, it's okay.Don't worry, I'm a huge fan. The way you took outAbdullah Meda in '94. And when you made Melami Benazireat his own shit in '97. I can't believe I'm meeting you, man. So, what the fachmaare you doing here! Come with me. Look, I couldn't takeall the fighting anymore. - What's it all for!- Are you crazy! If I could blow a terroristinside out like you... ...this is all I would do.I'd never sleep. - This is exaggeration.- No, it's not. You made Palami Habdallah's poodlesit on a live grenade. - You gotta show me how you did that.- I don't remember. I was young. So tell me the truth.Why are you in America! I no want to tell you. What! What! Come on. You are the best, Zohan.Whatever you say is good. I want to be hairdresser. You a fagala? I can't believe it. A great warrior, but also a fagalawith the penachim. No, no, no. I like hair. Come on, man, I get you real job. You come by my shop tomorrow. Israeli electronics. Are you crazy! - Everyone will recognize me.- No, you don't look like same Zohan. You have silly haircut now. - I have what haircut!- What! - You say I look silly!- No, no. Who said this! - You said this.- No, no. Nobody say nothing. I don't need your job. I get my own job on my ownat a big salon. You will see. You ever cut a sister's hair before! Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,grandpa, the whole family. I'm good at this. Have you ever workedwith dreads before! This is what you do. No more. This creature slayed. It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.He's got me. He's got me. Okay. Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.We got you. And we finish him. You back away, I take hold of him.Go! Go! Go out! Go now! Go! This is hair. This is hair. Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh! A big part of our job hereis making this a fun experience. Of course, of course. For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,and it can be very frightening. - I can imagine.- I don't want a haircut. Get away from me. Let me go. Young man, look what I found here. A nice balloon. Do you want it! It's right here. You shouldn't jump around... ...when this nice woman'sholding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move, she could slip andslice your jugular vein on accident. There's no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floorin four minutes. I've seen this. I've done this.You don't want this. Well, then, at least it's a good time toshave his neck. I would get him quick. When I was your ageI already killed seven men. Maybe you should grow up. I promise you you won't regret. And come back. "Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.It really isn't... It's not really Fujigawa.It's Sony guts. - Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want. - Four-hundred fifty.- But the ad says "Sony," and "300." No, no, no. What you going to believe,me or the ad! Four-fifty. Hello, Going Out of Business.Can I help you! Sony, yes. Three hundred. Come in, yes. Very good, very good. Hi. I represent the new ownerof this building. Good for you. Want a birthday cake!What do you want! Yamaha is very good. Did you receive our letterregarding your rent! - This I don't know.- It's being raised to 20,000 a month. No, no, no. This is too much. Eighty-five hundredis all we'll give you. - This isn't negotiable. We can get...- Ten thousand, that's all. We both go home happy. - I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.- Okay, no deal. You come back when youwant to deal. - Sir, you don't understand.- Go. What you still here for! You like me!I have girlfriend. Go. Thank you very much. Hey, look who's here. Come on, not so loud. Don't worry, Zohan.I tell you, they don't recognize you. Yosi. This is good man.This ChocolatÃ© Coco. - Scrappy Coco.- Scrappy Coco. Cooking Who-co! Yes, yes. So you're going out of business! No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.Is good for business. Yeah, so you look me up, man.That's cool. I come for job. Job. So you not big hairstyle! It's not really happening for meso far. So I am here. So let's go. No. No job. What do you mean!You tell me to come here. I can no let you do this.You want to be hair homo. No, so I do this for now.It's all yofi tofi. Is no now. Once you start in electronics store,you never get out. Look at Ephraim. You see! I don't see nothing wrong with that.It's perfect. Ephraim came to America... ...to be racing car driver. But he let slip away. I can hear it. Look. Check your ear. Pinchas wanted to bethe next Bill Cosby. No. Is resistant, no proof.You don't understand! But the store kept pulling him back. Maybe you swimming with the watch. - I'm not swimming...- Is resistant. Yosi wanted to be a hand model. What, you don't like this! Look at this.This is most beautiful. But he got too comfortable here. Press this button, it's free HBO. The electronics storeis a dream killer. And I won't let the Zohankill his dream. You are a real mensch, Oori. You the mensch. Come. What! What's this! You may not go for this,but this place cross the street... - Yes!- They maybe take you. - Is good place!- No, is dump, but they take you. Is on Palestinian side of street. Palestinian! No, no, no.Look, nobody kill you there. Here nobody care. First off, no one kill me anywhere. But Palestinian, no. I've done enoughto my parents already. I just want job for the Zohan. And it kills methe way Phantom bastard... ...getting his buttochim kissedin Palestine now. Buttochim kissed! What's this! He have business. He buy wives. Him! They say his ugly face everywhere. Everyone is runningTo Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen For the food the heroes eat Kubeh, sambouesk,Delicious muchentuchen You never know who you'll meet You are going to get spoiled. Phantom Muchentuchen! Oh, yeah! This month,order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch... ... and get action figures fromPhantom Presents: Death to Zohan. Unbelievable. This animal gets to live his dream.But, me, l... I can no work Palestinian, no.It's like... I can't do this. Yes, you can. Is your dream to cut hair.You want fight, or you want hair! I want hair. But I'm scared. Is America.You can do anything here. You never done somethingpeople thought was impossible! So you don't want to talk, huh!I'll make you talk. I can do this. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. So you have never cut hair before. I have cut my own hairand several dogs. I have the Paul Mitchell book,I have the stamina, the desire... But you have no trainingor experience. Would you hire someonewith experience in something else! In what! Can anyone here do this! Okay. I have never seen that. That is very nice,but that is not going to help me. No hands. Besides, I have no openings. If anything, I need to scale back... ...since they just raised my rentthrough the roof. Out of nowhere, some guy with a tiecomes in and tells me I need to pay. Stop it! I only wish to learn. I will do whatever it takes. Fine. You can sweep up haira few shifts a week. - You won't be...- No pay. No, no, no.But then, I will become stylist, yes! That could be a while. I will wait turn. You will see. I will get nighttime job for money. Soon the whole worldwill be silky smooth. Zohan. - Carmen Electra has the best tits now.- Oh, please. Oh, my God.I wonder how much she paid for them. They're so perky. You know, leave it to herto buy the best tits. It's always first class with that one. You know you don't have to catchevery piece of hair as it falls. Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.One single hair is unacceptable. As you were. Yes. I got this. "Did you seethe new Kate Hudson movie! I think she is even more vivaciousthan her mother." Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.Now, let's practice on Michael. Michael!Could you come in here, please! What! What is...! Oh, Scrappy needs to practicesmall-talking. Can we do this another time! I havea shot at keeping my food down. Michael, I want to practice now. I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.Why won't you help me! Oh, honey.You are good at everything you do. - Got it.- Thanks. So you're making her silky smooth,huh, Claude! - Framing her face!- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face. This is smart. A nice layered stylewith the soft bangs... ...is good for a bigger womanlike this. - Coco.- Takes the eyes off the moon face... ...and brings it toward the titzim. Coco. I need to speak to you. In private. Private. A secret! They will never get it out of me,I promise you. Coco, Claude is trying to work. Yes. He's very good. So I am ready to cut hair today.So let's go, let's get it on. No. Let's not go. But I am the best. Don't tell me you're the best. - I have the desire, the stamina.- You've been here two days. I run this place for five years. I think I know when you are readyto cut hair. Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two. No, no, no. I do not touch thiswith your penachim. Out of respect for the working. No, you don't eat where you shit. Or shit where you eat.Whatever the... The smell is bad. This is called a comb. - With the fingers!- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. - Scrappy.- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up. I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry. - Okay. All right.- I apologize. - Take him where he wants to go.- Thank you. Okay. - Good luck.- It will be fine. - Your limousine has arrived, sir.- You're observant, Tyler. Thank you, Big Mac. I am really late for a hotel openingdowntown. The Walbridge Hotel. I understand, sir. I know theneighborhoods inside and backwards. - We will not let them stop us.- What! I'm not in much of a hurry. Oh, no. You want some coffee back there! No! I will lose them. Nobody is following us. Oh, shit! Have a good time, sir. Debbie, you did a good job. You look very bangable,Mrs. Rosen. Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you... ...when you first came in,you looked hideous. There was nothing attractive. But now, I must say,my schtitzel, it's about to burst. - It could break these any...- What are you doing! We are talking shop. No. No. - Look, Coco...- What! You need to calm down now, okay! I don't think these customerslike the way you talk shop. Nobody say this. Coco, remember,respect for the workplace. I have betrayed my salon. He's trying to kill himself. - Scrappy.- I deserve this. No, no. Just... Just... Easy on the ladies. I didn't mind. Take care, Mrs. Paulson. She did not mind. Let me disinfect the scissors... ...so someone elsecan make someone else silky smooth. I'll just clean up. Rafaela's Salon. What! No. Debbie, she quit. - What!- Sorry. Claude, did you know about this! I should have told you. She's been looking for a new jobsince those rent guys came around. Then why you no say nothing,little bitch! Don't worry,I'm not giving up on this place. You're a good guy, habibi.I just... I don't know what to do. So let's go. Scrappy, I have enough problemsright now. I not the problem. I the solution. I fix. But if you screw up... I can't afford a screwup right now. No, no, no. I no screw up.I am the best for the job. Yeah, but you push and push."When is my turn"! I have to care about salon. - No, no, no.- No, no, no. You care about you. And don't fightin front of the customer. Mrs. Skitzer,I am afraid our stylist is out today. Would you care to wait for Claude! Does he do hair! He's not a regular. Well, that's fine. She say...I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia. Okay. You will not regret this decision. Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair. Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.I'll take care of everything. - Oh, thank you.- Thank you. Sexy woman like youdeserves to be pampered. Me, sexy! Sure. Don't be humble. You've got the ass and titsof a schoolgirl and you know it. And everyone else knows this too,believe me. Yes. Let me get your earring off. I love it. Of course you do.I make you silky smooth. I tell you this. All right, Scrappy.You can cut Debbie's clients today. If they want you. Thank you. I'll get to you all soon as I'mall the way done with Mrs. Skitzer. That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer! Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes. So who's next! Come on, Scrappy! Thank you, dear. - It's a lot of speakers.- Yes. Yes. It's orgasmic. Oh, my God. Oh, yes! Grab it, Scrappy! For you. Yes. I give this to you. - No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.- Hear me out, Scrappy, please. I'll give you stock options.I'll name a shampoo after you. No, my loyalty is to here.I will destroy you. I heard about this placefrom Joanne. You have to ask for Scrappy. Yes, is the primarycardholder present! Excuse me! Hello, I am callingfrom Spiegel catalogue. Are you between the agesof 18 and 39! We're trying to talk here. Have you ordered from cataloguein past six months! Could you get off the phonewhile you drive! Hey, what's the matter!I trying to make a living, do my job. This is your job. This is job also. This is not Iraq. I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq. And you're not getting a tip. And you are a stupid cow. Jeez. - And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.- Thanks so much. - I'll see you later.- All right. I like this, the red hair. I bet she has a pumpkin patchdown below, yes! I don't know. - Did you tap her tuchus?- No. Why don't you go afterthe snatchacheem in this place! They all want you, believe me. Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure. I'm telling you,you're not picking up the signs. Come with me.I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful. Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!You want the cut and color today! Yes, please. Thanks. Watch. You see! She's going with it.It's good. Yep. - She has a free shoulder. Come join.- I'm good. Mrs. Haynes,you're getting cold here. Claude, come. Keep her warm. Go ahead. Yes. And gently move.Gently move the shoulder. All you want to do is let her knowyou're here for her. Now look awaylike you're not even doing it. We're not doing this. - Same rhythm.- Okay. Push. Push. Push. Oh, you're pushing harder.It's starting to feel good on my end. I am trying to make moneyto start my own business, huh. Would you say you read Spiegelonce a month, twice... Would you just get usto the hair salon! We're gonna miss our appointment. I curse you, and I curse your hair. What is big dealabout this hair place anyway! They get worse every year. Okay, we'll take them to the truck.We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a... Did you throw this shoe at me,my friend! No! Sure looks like it was you. Then who threw it! Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.I'll let you off the hook. Nobody spits on me. Thank you for the goat, my friend. Yes. Goat! Goat. Goat! Goat! Goat. I said, "Can we have the receipt!" Yes. Die in hell. Welcome. We'll color your hair Bling-BlingBlond. This is what you need. You know what else they go for! The... I don't know what you have,but mine is the biggest. This...It does not get bigger than this. It's enormous. Scary. I mean: What! I have the biggest. It's the biggest. Take a look at this. Look. - It's not that big.- It's not that...! No, no, no. The bush. The bush is the biggest. And the girls like thisbecause it's cushion. It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.I never forget a face. So, what do you want I do! Wait. I conference you. Hello! Nasi, emergency meeting.You're on with Hamdi as well. - Hello, Nasi.- Hello, Hamdi. Can you believehow much they pay Delgado! Yes. Why Mets do this! This is serious. We meet! I explain why is emergency. This is not just manwho take my goat. - Zohan Dvir.- Yes. Everyone think Phantom kill him. Phantom not kill him. We will capture,then make trade with Israel. We will be heroes. But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. Wedon't know for sure that this is him. Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.Let them handle this. - Leave it to the pros.- No. Hezbollah shmezbollah. Hezbollah will take all the credit.This is our shot. Why not let Phantom capture him! Screw Phantom. He hero already. Where's my chainof muchentuchen restaurants! Salim, don't make thisabout yourself. This is about me. And about him. And about my goat! Come on, let's go! This is nice,the walking inside the outside. The park, the people,the horses, the kid. Well, you're always downtown. You should seea little more of New York. Yes, yes, this is good. The talking is good... ...to get to know each otherbefore the bang-boom. I like. Oh, no, no, no.There will be no bang-booming. I just wanted to thank youfor saving my business. - This isn't a date.- No, no, no. I feel you have helped me so much... The right thing to dois to tap you so hard... ...my schtitzel will come outyour poopech. That's what I think. Look, why don't wejust enjoy the park! No, no, no. This is what we do. Hey, look, softball. - You like softball!- Of course, I love softball. What is softball! Teach me how to. I learned softballwhen I came to the States. When you're Arab, it helps to fit in. Yeah, how long you move here ago! Just a few years ago. I couldn't take it there anymore.All the hate, on both sides. Yes, especially yours. Why you say this! You don't know. No, no, I don't. I read this. The Australian-Tibet mediais very biased. Look, both sides crazy. My own family... My brother... ...if he knew I work cross streetfrom Israelis, he would lose it. - Really!- You have the hardcores on both sides. They just want to fight and fight. Nobody will win this way.It has to stop. When will it end, eh! Yes. Okay, so you must be thirsty, no! Here. Where you get this! This! From specialty shopon West Side. This Middle Eastern drink.You know this! Fizzy Bubblech! No, no, no. It looks pretty good. Oh, try, try. It's very good.Try, have a sip. It's not for me. No! Really! This is his shop. Here is photo for compare. For how long this take!I close the newsstand. Make sure you ask himif he ever hit by shoe. And about the prize goatthat can fetch a bowl of onion soup. Look in his eyes when youask him this, for they will be suffering. - You know, I just got haircut.- Go. Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefnerwith all you little bunnies around here. Okay, okay,let's see who is going next. "Jorge Posada," where are you! That's me. Okay, good-looking guy,you take a seat there. You're next. You know, you look likeyou already just got haircut. No, no. So I guessing you're looking forsomething in the silky smooth area! - Well...- Because I see you have nice curls. You don't want tocut into those curls. We will talk about this over there. Okay, Scrappy, I wait. Is not like I have a shoe to throw. Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever. I don't have time to go watcha goat fetch soap. - What!- What! I don't know. Listen, my friend... ...you want to talk, it's good,but you have to wait your turn. First I have to cut and bangMrs. Greenhouse. - That's right.- Okay. Well, I'm ready for it. Oh, dear. I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.I am not man enough for you today. Oh, Scrappy, it's fine. I don't know what the problem is.I am going to lose business. Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable. The screwingwas really just a bonus. You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse. An angel with a magic throat. Oh, Scrappy! No, that could work.One more, please. Let's see what we got. And we're still nothing. Well! He was very cool. Idiot. What did he say! He think I have nice curlsthat go well with a full face. - But was it him!- Well, it looked like him. But hard to know. I tell you this: he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap. Soup. The goat fetched soup.You ruin everything. Soup! This makes no sense. Screw you. It's him. I know it's him. The goat fetched soup!This is unbelievable. Go to hell. You said it was urgent! It's an emergency.Please, take a look. Yes, yes. Well, that's not a real problem.You can always shave it. No, not the bush. No, inside the bush.Look deeper. Him. - I see.- He lays in there all day long. Maybe it needs some more oxygen.It looks like it's being strangled. So the Palestinian says to the priest: "Okay, but let's skip the bath." Why, are they not clean! No, is good joke. Honey, are you all right!You've been in there for over an hour. What is this stuff! I mean, I took onesip and I repainted the whole toilet. Is Fizzy Bubblech.You'll get used to it, relax. I don't wanna get used to it.My car couldn't. - All right, that's it for me. I'm done.- What! What! Is everything all right! - Is it about the pee-pee!- Stop it. - The pee-pee!- He can't do with his peepeechosetz. Really!He's usually as hard as trigonometry. - Mom. What...!- When did this happen! The last few days. Of course. It's ever sinceyou went out with that Dalia. Your hog is telling you something.She must be the one. The one! Is this possible! Of course it's possible, man. All the beaverim in the worldand he falls for Palestinian muffich. Why should Scrappy careif she's Palestinian! He's from Australia and Tibet.He's not Israeli. - No, no, no.- Oh, no, no, no. Exactly. What was that, a motor boat! You know, Scrappy... ...a special woman is specialno matter where she's from. Listen to your hog. Someone special. Maybe is good. It's good! It's terrific! I mean, you know,you guys won't be together anymore... ...but Scrappy is in love.That's great, awesome. Thank you for your support. - Is a good boy.- Good boy. This is fun. Let's celebrate.Where's the cat! Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me. - Got you.- Let's play, man. Take it, Michael. Look at you. I wanna try it. Is good. Welcome to Hezbollah phone line. For membership information,press one. For negotiation update, press two. For bonus mile information,press three. For terrorist supplies, press four. We have currently suspendedour terrorist supply service... ... as we are engagedin negotiations with Israel. We will resume service as soon asnegotiations break down. Thank you. Great. Come on. Just think of a bomb. They say you can make bomb fromeveryday's material. You combine. Yes, okay.But what we combination! Just think of chemicals. Chemicals, like in science class. Yes. Who remembers this stuff! Hello. Well, can I help you fellasfind anything! Yes, do you have... ..."liquid nitrogen." You need what! Liquid nitrogen. Yeah. Well, I supposewe have some of that. Now, just a moment. - This is it!- Yes, and that's the large container. This works! Oh, it works quite well. Yes. You use! From time to time. Sure. We'll take 12. Look, you can turn off the water... ...but we will find a wayto keep on going. Oh, you like when I spray you,Mrs. Skitzer! Where's the $ 14,000! I have your rent right here.There is no getting rid of me. We don't wanna get rid of you. Mr. Walbridge would actually like torelocate your salon in our new mall. You mean the one you want to destroythis community to build! It is not our intentto destroy this community. I'll take the community, Pancake. My name is Gray, and I'll be back. Nice to meet you, Pancake. Why Pancake! Just for fun. You were amazing right there. Oh, my God. What! I have one. What! I have zikpah. Look at it. It is you. Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.I cannot make sticky with anyone else. You are the special one. I will only be stiff for you. Who is Steve! Stiff, with an F. - Stiff. Stiff.- Yes. Okay... ...I know you meant thatin a good way... The best of ways. - so thank you. Thank you. Is crazy. This has never happened. One woman... ...one zikpah... ...one life. You see his face!Scared Israeli son of bitch. Salim, this is not bomb. What you mean "not bomb"! It's grade A liquid nitrogen. Guys, I really need to go home. Inaz have a soccer matchin the morning. - I am hero.- Salim, this not bomb. It just go: Well, just go with it. I scraped some off the window. Maybe you know what is! It's Neosporin, it's nothing.I use it for cuts and genital sores. We're beginning to thinkmaybe someone out to get the Zo... The Scrappy. You mean like a competing salon!That's heavy. Don't be afraid, honey.Don't be afraid. Well, I... Yeah, lick this.No, she likes the tongue in the ear. Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that. Close with the brenski. Come on, get some salivaon those bad boys. - She likes it, huh!- Of course she likes it. Okay. I could look for clues. It's my shiftfor community night watch. The what!The communism tight crotch! Oh, it's the communitynight watch program. You know, people in the neighborhoodpatrolling it, keeping it safe. We kick some ass. Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Cocotake your shift tonight! - I bet he'd be good at this.- Oori. What! For clues. I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,but you are gonna be just fine. Maybe I can manage one night. Maybe you can pretzel some people. - Thank you for getting the hummus.- The hummus. Where's Patches! Patches. I'm terrified right now.I'm totally terrified. "Shitting my pants"doesn't come close. I wish I was shitting my pants. It's just a patrol. What if something goes down! I don't know if I'd have the courage. What if something goes downand someone got killed! I would have to live with that.I'd be happier shitting my pants. Much happier. - Let's go.- We're supposed to call the police. No. No time. No, no. No. It's good. Drop the paint. Get out of here, Ahab,or I'll cut your eyes out. - Maybe we should let him finish.- No, no, no. What you cut my eyes out with!The Neosporin! My blade, camel jockey. My friend, the beating I give youif you stop the spraying... ...is much less than the beatingI give you if you try to cut me. What are you laughing at! That was just with everyone. They had it coming to them, right! Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah. - Okay, you take it from here.- I got it. Everything's gonna be okay. What you gotta say about that, huh! You're telling meour guys can't handle... ...some neighborhoodnight-watching losers! We can't even put a scareinto these people! The main guy who got in the way... ...is the same one who's bringingold biddies into Rafaela Salon. My aunt goes there. She says besides the sex,the guy gives a pretty good haircut. Don't talk to me about that dump. I've got a huge,classy hotel standing there... ...and it's staringat that cheap garbage. I want it staring at the Supercuts. Now, has anyone made any headwaywith any of these foreign people! I spoke to the manager of GoingOut Of Business again yesterday. I stated our priceand the urgency of the matter... ...and he offered me two-thirds lessand a Toshiba DVD player. The people at Everything Must Gowere just as difficult. They offered me a Blu-ray discand a jar of hummus. What's hummus! It's a very tasty... ...diarrhea-like substance. Grant Walbridge has a vision. A vision for Lower Manhattanto have the first indoor mall... ...with its own 300-footroller coaster. You know, you're lucky I havea world-class superhot girlfriend... ...with a perfectly proportionedass-to-breast ratio... ...or I'd be furious. She is smoking, sir. I'd payto spend an hour with her, sir. Let me in on that. Well, thank you. But if you bitchescan't get those people out... ...I will find other peoplewho will get the job done. However, whenever. Walbridge! This is where I find them. But I don't know if it's same peoplewho try to Neosporin salon. But you caught them writing this crap,so, what do you do! - You don't mess with the Zohan.- Check it. - Disco.- Disco. - Good.- Good. Why did you do thisto Naseef's store, huh! Why you blame the Israelis! We come to work,go out of business. No, no, no.Is not Israeli who do this. I do community watch.Don't worry, it's all taken care of. Not Israeli! Who else would write"Arab go home"! Oh, I don't know,just maybe 99 percent of the world. - You see what he says!- That was joke. Come on, come on.You guys get along here, stop this. Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,the war is never going to end. You know, we were so close to peacebefore the asshole shot Rabin. Bush, he see the big picture. Bush no want peace,he set it all back. What about Bush's wife!This is a wife I would get sticky with. I would do this. I would do this. - Yes, yes.- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary. The big legs. Yeah, she look strict,like she's going to teach me a lesson. - Yes, discipline.- You know what's funny! I like Chelsea. You're crazy. She has beautiful legs. If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.She has legs. This is what happenswhen they talk politics. No, no, no, wife of McCain! She has the ass,and you know she's not getting any.

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