#The Booker Discourse

[goldheartedsky]

Just wait til some people realize that Booker is the same brand of Queer White Mediterranean Guy that Nicky is.

[phatburd]

I'm going to repost something I wrote about Booker in an ask into its own separate post, because some people need to hear it.

~~

Booker is not inherently selfish. Full stop.

Let me explain. In the early 2000s I was going through a really bad mental health patch. I kinda fell apart professionally and personally in the aftermath of Bush vs. Gore and pretty much hated everyone and everything.

I don’t know how many people here are old enough to remember the discussions around “enhanced interrogations.” In my really bad psychological state, I read a book that discussed the use of torture through the ages and its ineffectiveness as a tool to gather intelligence. This is because everyone has a breaking point, where they will do anything, say anything, agree to anything, just to escape the pain.

This is the point where I realized the same thing applied to depression and suicidal ideation. At some point, the pain of living becomes so goddamn intense, a person develops tunnel vision and will do anything to stop their own pain. Depression is torture without any visible mechanism. In that case, is it selfish to end your own pain?

This is where shitheads will say, “But what about all other people in your life? You’re selfish because you’ll hurt them!” No, they don’t fucking get it. That’s counterproductive because a person that far down in the hole will think, “Well, maybe they’ll be better off without me then.” The pain is so intense, you’re not thinking of others because you can’t. You just want it to end by any means necessary.

What does this have to do with Booker? Yeah, this is the mental state I imagine Booker to have been in for longer than most people have been alive. He wants it to end and he will do whatever it takes, including agreeing to things he probably wouldn’t have if he wasn’t in that mental state.

Is wanting to end your own pain weak or selfish? I’d say no. Anyone who says yes hasn’t been there, and I hope they never reach that breaking point to understand what it feels like.

[tophsazulas]

geia in every episode - dirty double booker

[emblemxeno]

Honestly it's really funny that the recent discourse I was unwillingly embroiled in revolved around stuff like power hierarchies and racial biases in written works, cuz my English Studies class in uni tackled this exact same stuff.

And I don't wanna be like "well my college said this so obviously I'm correct", but what I will say is that R*xis and his weirdo clique would be looked at weird were they in that class lol.

For example, some of the things we talked about after just a few weeks was hegemon powers enforcing their views and perspective onto the people as a new status quo and how that's Not Good™️, and also how the ideas of merit-based power structures and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is a hinderance to progress as it puts the onus of responsibility on to the oppressed to escape their own oppression. We discussed all of this because most of the literature we looked at was by black and non-black critics of white supremacy, class structure, and generational wealth. We even looked over the Civil Rights Act and the Housing Discrimination Act to prove points about this.

Claude being written to support Edelgard's ideals not only makes him look worse in a writing sense, but also in a moral, racial, and political sense. He supports what's equivalent to a Booker T. Washington way of thinking when he supports Edelgard in Hopes. He lacks his curiosity, perspective, and unwavering belief in treasuring life in Hopes, character traits that he not only was explicitly shown to have brought with him from Almyra (i.e. BEFORE THE ACADEMY), but were also developed as a result of him being of mixed race. I rake 3H over the coals for its attempts and failures at tackling racial dynamics and oppression in its storytelling, but Claude-for the most part-was relatively unscathed. Then Hopes came and made everything worse.

So, historically in both the FE series and the real world, what Edelgard does is for the worst, and making Claude support that without question is not only a slap in the face for fans of his 3H characterization, but a slap in the face for the first brown main character in the FE series.

[mortalityplays]

Only tangentially related to today's ask discourse but I was thinking about this- do you have advice on pushing more out of your comfort zone ie media? I feel like its really easy to say you like or want stuff thats making you uncomfortable or is less palatable to wide audiences etc etc but I have trouble going out of my way to actually experience things like that over more popcorn you know

a good way to start if you're intimidated is to look for curated recommendations close to your cultural comfort zone (I'm focusing on US/UK lists here but you can look for recommendations from museums, libraries, and national award bodies just about anywhere in the world). e.g. the BFI Sight & Sound list or the National Film Registry (for movies), Booker Prize or National Book Award winners for literature

Don't feel like you have to watch/read everything all at once, it's fine to skim for something that sounds particularly up your street and start there. It's also fine to jump right into something intimidating and find out what all the fuss is about! the absolute worst case scenario is that you're bored or underwhelmed and can pick something else next time.

a lot of my film knowledge comes from when I was at university. I discovered that there was an A/V library and viewing room on campus that I could use for free l, so I just looked through the catalogue and started picking out things I'd never seen that sounded interesting. every day between classes I'd go, pick a title, and spend a couple of hours giving it a try. I watched Blade Runner for the first time in a darkened basement booth with headphones on, and The Cabinet of Dr Caligari, and Wild Strawberries, and Persepolis, and countless other weird and wonderful things. sometimes I picked something incredibly boring or something that annoyed me, but I always came away feeling good that I'd expanded my knowledge of what was out there.

once you do start finding new things you like, a whole other path opens up to you. you can dig deeper into the work of one writer or director or actor, look up interviews and find out who inspired them. if you loved a specific book, see if the author mentioned any direct influences, or if critics compared it to something else you might enjoy. you get to start building these maps in your head and getting a sense for where different things fit, and it becomes easier and easier to hunt for hidden treasures.

finally! if you can find a group of friends (or even just one person) who is interested in taking this journey with you, start a club. take turns to pick something you want to explore, share the journey, and discuss it as you go along. keep sight of your purpose, whether that's to broaden your horizons beyond your home culture, take on more challenging works, or just be better informed. take it a step at a time, and learn to enjoy the experience of exploration even when you don't like something. figuring out why we hated Lady Chatterley's Lover is some of the most fun I've had with our book club yet. introducing friends to The Left Hand of Darkness and getting hype about it with them was just as good. love the process and you'll change your life.

[bisexual-kane]

One particularly obnoxious strand of bad AEW discourse is that Tony Khan is some kind of tyrant booker who forces wrestlers into spots/storylines/promos that are dangerous/uncomfortable.

(Kenny taking bumps Wednesday and Ospreay's shot at Triple H come to mind.)

I may be wrong, but at one time, AEW didn't really function like WWE where Vince dictated everything. Instead, wrestlers pitched their own ideas and Tony gave them a thumbs up or thumbs down.

It's kind of why a lot of WWE refugees like Andrade El Idolo felt like they didn't do much. Without Triple H/Vince dictating a story, what were they to do? Malachi Black in particular totally has the vibes of a guy who has really, really cool ideas--but they are ideas and not stories, so despite House of Black being heavily featured, it feels like they never do anything.

Meanwhile, The Elite (and all of their friends/hangers-on/dick riders) have spent a lot of time developing their own characters and improv skills through New Japan, ROH, PWG, and (I cannot emphasize this enough) BTE. Jon Moxley in particular when he bailed on WWE talked up a lot about how he wanted the freedom to improv promos and that he didn't need a script because that ain't wrestling to him. You can also see people like Christian Cage and Adam Copeland (and even Chris Jericho), who left WWE by choice who are really excited to be in AEW because they get a chance to flex creative muscles they didn't get to in WWE and they are doing really interesting and cool things.

(I mean, I know we are all sour on Chris Jericho right now in 2024, but Inner Circle Jericho was a really great heel champion.)

Again, I am totally just an outside fan who has no inner knowledge. But at least at one point, AEW was trying to be a more collaborative environment. Tony Khan has final say about what goes on the show, but the talent themselves are doing a lot of pitching the ideas about what ends up on it.

Like, Tony is not making Will Ospreay go out there and take shots at Triple H against his will. Stop making up a villain in your head, people. jeeze.

[astrabear]

Deeply amused to see Booker discourse on my dash when we've nearly reached 2024. Ah, Book. Many things can be true:

Grief and guilt are a potent and corrosive combination that can massively fuck someone up AND people are still responsible for their own actions.

Someone can make terrible choices without being an inherently rotten person AND someone doesn't have to be an inherently rotten person for the people they've hurt to choose not to be around them for a while.

Outliving one's children is unimaginably painful AND it is not actually outside the realm of everyday human existence.

People have understandable concerns about prioritizing the feelings of the (implied straight) white man over the two queer men (one of whom is a man of color) AND the main characters are Andy and Nile, this is a woman-centric story, I am begging you to stop talking about the men for five minutes.

Booker is a fictional character who was created to fill this specific role in the narrative so in a very real sense he could never have made any other choice AND people are going to vary in how much they identify with him vs with the people he hurt and that is not a function of correct or incorrect interpretation, presence or absence of empathy, etc.

The story as it exists so far in the comics and as we are likely to get it in the movies does not/will not explore Booker's betrayal and redemption with the depth and nuance that would be satisfying or necessary if he were a real person, but hey, that's kind of the whole point of fanfic!

[nakanotamu]

Alright so hopefully last post about this I guess, this is my personal thoughts on the whole current Stardom ~situation~ as an overly invested fan and someone who watched it develop in real time and can actually read what's out there in Japanese. If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about you can find my summary of the past year of Stardom management issues here and my summary of the more recent events leading to Rossy being fired here.

I guess the shortest way to put it is I'm not really upset about it? Maybe it's naive or "cope" or whatever but I'm even kind of cautiously optimistic? Mostly I'm just glad this isn't some huge WWE Japan coup or whatever. Between the year I had last year independent of pro wrestling and watching Stardom go to shit in real time, I kind of already decoupled my personal identity from being A Stardom Fan, something that probably sounds ridiculous given my entire online identity but I promise I was somehow even more personally invested in a much worse way this time last year.

Obviously the big thing to be seen now is how exactly the rosters shake out, who's going where. Of course it's distressing when on screen relationships just suddenly come to an end but I kind of already went through this when Unagi left. As far as a wrestler leaving a company barring like retirement or tragedy that was basically as bad as it could get for me, so like, that's just not an element of it I'm particularly worried about. For every relationship we stop seeing, at least the way we have been, we'll get to see some new ones too, right? I guess personally I'm more interested in what's coming next than dreading anything that might be coming to an end.

I think it's also worth noting that nobody is making permanent decisions right now. Everyone is just as capable of going freelance or changing their mind and going to a different company as they were before. I also assume both companies will have to be at least somewhat open to bringing in freelancers and sharing talent so like. Maybe some people will end up working both! We just don't know at all.

As for whatever Rossy's new company is, barring some announcement I completely hate, obviously if it's watchable on the internet I'm going to at least check it out. I'm not a fan of Rossy's but I'm also just like, so unbelievably sick of Rossy discourse online. He's not the god booker that so many men went to paint him as or whatever with his unforeseen insight into The Business and definitely not mostly just luck allowing him the success he's had. But he does let the wrestlers tell their own stories how they want to, and while I wish that was considered the absolute bare minimum it's instead all too rare, and I'm glad it seems like so many people who have worked with him do enjoy working with and want to continue doing so, something else that's all too rare in wrestling.

I also think it's somewhere between ridiculous and offensive to paint him as some freak pervert booking with his dick based on who he, personally, wants to fuck. Look not to get too into my personal readings of a guy I do not know but I have never seen a man who works as close with women and is as clearly personally disinterested in them as Rossy in my life. As an actual freak pervert who has seen a lot of product that he has produced, I'm fucking telling you and I've been saying it for years that that is not my guy. Especially if your reasoning for hating on him is that you think the wrestler's stories and presentations or anything are too horny when, like I mentioned, we know that comes from them. You don't have to like that but you do have to deal with it. However I do also think it's worth actually considering that when even the women who are most attached to Stardom as fans are pretty universally like "this guy doesn't actually know how to expand his audience, he is never gonna get women or bring things back to how they were" that's probably worth paying attention to.

It's just all so fucking tired and disingenuous and I've been exhausted with it for like 6 years. He's not the saviour messiah of joshi wrestling or the pervert demon who killed it. He's just a fucking photographer turned businessman and I think it's much more likely he got where he did thanks to flexibility and luck more than anything, and it's not like he hasn't had plenty of failure and piss poor management before Bushiroad was ever a factor too. I know I'm already off twitter so this doesn't even matter any more but stop putting everything on Rossy, please, he does not deserve the credit that should go to these wrestlers just for the matches he books. He's just some guy. (Hit him with your car.)

Anyway the big minus for me is that if Rossy's new promotion does have a service that makes it convenient and easy to watch it'll almost definitely be complete shit run by Sonny again since he's not Bushiroad staff he's a freelancer and I want nothing more than to be free of that hack. I so badly wish what we were getting were a promotion of this style that I like that was actually run by women but I guess this isn't the worst case scenario either.

And that's sort of it, for me. Like, as a fan, having Bushiroad-produced Stardom and Rossy-produced Stardom Classic (if that's the vibe they end up with) AND NOT EVEN TO MENTION Act Wres Girl'z which you can already watch RIGHT NOW as a Fuka-produced alternate Stardom Classic, you know. I don't think that's the worst place to be in as a joshi and Stardom fan, so I'm just gonna keep watching everything and see what happens. And if you have any other questions my ask box is always open.

[nevermindirah]

dirah what are your thoughts on booker and buffy meeting. would they be friends? would they have fun death related stuff to discuss?? inquiring minds want to know!

Booker and Buffy!!!!

Ok first of all an essential fact to know about Buffy is that her formative trauma, before she became the slayer and got a whole boatload of new traumas, was that her dad left. Booker would meet her and immediately go Dad Mode Activate.

I'm picturing two different versions of the same scene, one when Buffy's 15, pre-show, when she's only just recently become the slayer, another when she's all grown up after the show is over. Booker finds himself in Southern California for some reason, one thing leads to another, here he is in an alleyway getting his ass handed to him. A tiny blonde person appears and ends the fight by causing Booker's opponent to disappear into a cloud of dust.

Booker's thinking oh huh I've heard about vampires, guess Andy wasn't making that up, maybe this is the slayer?

Buffy meanwhile is warily eyeing how the enormous gash down the side of this guy's neck seems to be healing itself up like nothing she's ever seen before. "What kind of demon are you?" is the obvious question, to Buffy at least.

Booker explains that he's just a regular human except for the immortality, she's like "weird", he's like "yeah", he asks if she's the slayer, they have a whole exposition dump banter thing to establish their respective universes' rules to each other's fandoms, it's fun and charming and made all the better by the fact that it's not written by Joss Whedon, entertaining all around! Buffy's a little put out that she's got nowhere near the world record on coming back from the dead. She died twice! That's a lot of times to come back from! Booker assures her that this is indeed an impressive number for a mortal and she's not missing out on anything fun by not having died more.

In the version with teen Buffy, Booker says, "I heard slayers were young but merde, you're way too young to be out here doing this. I feel like I should buy you an ice cream to thank you for saving me from possible double immortality."

Buffy makes some kind of joke I can't think of right now but she agrees she'd rather not have a destiny and yeah actually ice cream sounds great.

So they go get ice cream and they have a nice chat about what bullshit it is to be stuck with a supernatural gift-curse thing that turns your whole life to shit. Booker listens to her complain about how being the slayer is ruining all of her clothes and the old guy they assigned to mentor her doesn't get how much that matters to her. Her watcher doesn't get it and maybe Booker doesn't quite get it either but he cares that it matters to her so he listens and he says supportive things and when they part he gives her a nice big dadly hug and it's wonderful 😭

In the version where Buffy's a grownup, Booker offers to buy her a drink and they spend hours at whatever nearby bar commiserating about the various indignities of their respective bullshit destinies.

Buffy asks how old he is, then when her reaction to his answer is "huh you're the same age as my high school boyfriend" Booker gets to have a moment of WHAT, bc age gap discourse is silly in supernatural contexts but also she was sixteen and Booker is feeling very dad feelings about this kid who had to grow up way too fast.

He tells her about his kids and she tells him about her baby sister who's sort of her child bc some monks magic'ed her up out of Buffy's dna. As far as Buffy knows there's only ever been one slayer who gave birth and that didn't turn out super well, but now being the slayer isn't a one at a time thing, maybe being a mom is something she could do? If she wanted that? It feels like a lot to risk, and Booker tells her that parenting is so much scarier and harder than fighting bad guys but also it's the best damn thing.

They maybe play a drinking game about who's seen a weirder villain or had a more embarrassing (near-) death. Buffy's seen an impressive variety of weird demons but Booker's seen an incomparable variety of weird human nonsense and they have to stop doing the drinking game part before they both fall down.

Buffy asks Booker about historical things she always wondered if Angel and Spike were making up. Booker's first thought on Spike: "you willingly had sex with a Victorian?" Then she explains the aesthetic and the trauma bonding and he's like "yeah that tracks". Buffy teases Booker about the possibility that he might someday meet his immortal soulmate, a mystery person who might not even be born yet as they're having this conversation. "You might want to start thinking now about whether you'd be cool with that person affectionately calling you 'old man'." >:)

For those following along, this ask is a response to my tags on this post about coming back wrong except you're just fine it's everyone around you who's wrong now. Buffy didn't come back just fine exactly — Willow magic'ed her out of heaven and she was understandably depressed as shit about it — but Willow 100% "broke [herself] into shards and bloody bargains to get [Buffy] back". And this has gotten me thinking about Booker's mortal family, and especially Jean Pierre. Remember that sweet little kid who wanted his papa to take his favorite doll with him to war to keep him company? What might that little kid have done hoping it would bring his father back?

Immortality had Booker on its shitty destiny list no matter what his family did or didn't do in the hopes it would bring him back alive, but they didn't know that, and the kind of stubborn hope that borders on magic is especially strong in children. I'm imagining Jean Pierre fashioning a golem to go off to Russia and bring back his papa. Someone returns, but is it his papa, with his traumatized mind and mysteriously changed body, or is it some twisted version of his golem wearing his papa's face? And either way why can this seemingly indestructible protector do nothing to stop the cancer? Papa, why?

Well this sure took a turn. Booker and Buffy: friends! With a lot of terrible stuff in common 😭 but charming friend chats too!

[druckkugelschreiber]

It’s the year 2024 and apparently discourse about my favorite traitor has once more found me but in a niche fandom where I for some reason hoped it wouldn’t happen.

Now idk what the discourse is about mind you, I don’t want to know, but me seeing the anti Booker tag was apparently not a coincidence

Why can’t I like my emotional support traitors in peace?! Honestly.

But so far there seems to be a lot of biphobia which is always fun (that was sarcasm)

On the bright side I found out Book is maybe ace so I’m actually so happy right now

[sindirimba]

anyway i am being guilty of this too by responding to it but the way fandom routinely resurrects (fitting i guess) booker discourse, explicitly forgetting who the actual leads are, in order to accuse people of prioritizing white men, is maddening/funny. nile whom?

[bewires]

Fic 20 questions

tagged by @gallifreyburning! Thank you!

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

130

2. what's your total Ao3 word count?

1,107,429 which is a startling amount. A lot (a lot) from the lockdown years.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

The old guard, top gun maverick, stranger things, star trek...ao3 will tell you i have also written a lot for supernatural, but that was a decade ago

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

chrysalis

incurable

say the word (& I'll be your rennaissance man)

offer no absolutes

(don't) blame it on the moonlight

5. do you respond to comments?

I really really try to but it gives me a kind of social anxiety where I feel like a dick for saying the same thing over and sometimes that stops me from doing it until I feel like it's been way too long and I can't possibly answer now. I appreciate every single comment so so so much though!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings. I vaguely recall writing some angstier supernatural stuff back on livejournal? Or I guess I have some joe/nicky/booker stuff in TOG that ends on an angsty note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably say the word (and I'll be your rennaissance man) which is just high-octane fluff all the way through. but pretty much all my fic ends happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah but basically entirely related to all the dumb top!joe discourse stuff. So only people who wanted to send me or others threats for...idk writing about joe topping and bottoming versus only topping. hard to take seriously.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I think I have crossed over every major teen fandom of mine with TOG, so I did a star trek, a torchwood and an SPN one. Although I'm not sure when it stops counting as crossover and starts counting as fusion.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know, but i could be wrong

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah once or twice

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, a few with @dreamtiwasanarchitect! Great experience

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I can't answer this lol. Changes with the hyperfixations

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The choose your own adventure Joe x Nicky one, i wish i had the time and energy for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

I would say dialogue. And maybe, if this makes sense, conveying what a character is thinking and feeling out of the perspective of another character who is nominally oblivious to it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing scenery/physical characteristics/logistics of where what is. I am not a visual thinker

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the context and whether it's understandable for the audience

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tamora Pierce's Tortall books. fortunately, these fics are probably no longer findable on the internet.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

In terms of ambition, right where you left me which I co-wrote with @dreamtiwasanarchitect. The process of outlining and writing that one kickstarted my ambition to write my own actual book (a thing that exists out in the world now). In terms of style, I'm really proud of how (don't) blame it on the moonlight came out in that you really don't need Nicky's perspective because it's so obvious.

Tagging @regina-del-cielo @nicolos and anyone else who wants to!

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

what are some of your favorite books, frank? im looking for something new to read

I've read a lot of stuff in the past few months but I've forgotten almost all of it because of the strange condition my mind is in (can't focus, can't retain things). A few that I remember liking (and which don't have I'm too many of my conflicting and controversial opinions or I'd post something like this on my official tumblr account and invite discourse):

Indignation by Philip Roth

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood

Booker, Clive and Unwind by Neal Shusterman

Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse

Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

Juvenalia by Ken Wharton

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

So Long and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

Anti-Oedipus by Deleuze and Guattari

Ubik by Philip K. Dick

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

The Traveler and the TFLN is OK to read? I've heard good and bad things but I've never been able to decide

[konnorhasapen]

Treading Water — Chapter 3: The Wallowing Wolves I

Also found on ao3!

Links to The Intro, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2 :)

I did have my also dyslexic sister read every Asher line just to make sure it could still be understood when written in his dialect. I also hope I wrote an Irish dialect correctly ':)

ENJOY

——

   Heavy wood creaked and moaned as the ship rocked in all different directions, bobbing gently over small waves of the calm sea on a clear night. Billions of stars twinkling overhead like freckles and blemishes of light on the face of Lady Midnight, not a single cloud in the sky to shield the clusters and constellations adorning her pitch black complexion from the sorrowful green eyes peering up at them.  His thoughts swam through his mind restlessly with a lack of distraction, the feeling of slight regret drawing a low growl from his throat that was chased by a tired sigh as he recalled his and his First Mate's conversation earlier that dusk.

   "We should take a rest t'nite," he'd said, every word doused in his thick Irish accent. "Been up t' ninety movin' teh past weeks 'r so." He'd remembered even what he replied with:

   "You can all take time to rest now, have an easy day doing simple deckhand work tomorrow. I'll pick up any harder slack," his answer had drawn an exasperated sigh from the dirty blonde.

   "While I'm sayin' "we," I do mean ye need the rest as damn well as teh lot'f us," David had hummed, acknowledged Asher's unsaid concerns while he didn't agree to abide by them.

   "David," he'd said sternly. "Drop anch'r t'nite," the Captain's hard green eyes had met the gaze of blue hues as vibrant as the ocean they sail upon, riddled with worry and sympathy. "Please." It had been David's turn to sigh, but he'd nodded, and received a gentle smile in return.

   "Tanks a million," Ash had placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed a little before he'd sauntered off to help Booker with the supplies below deck. The remaining bustle of the evening had been a distant blur of memory as he'd been dreading the thought of stopping for the night. The feeling lingered long after silence settled over the ship.

   And now he was here, head lulled back against the wooden railing as he sat on the quarter deck, his arms rested and draped over his bent knees, and his eyes on the sky. Thinking. That's what rest, for him, opened the floor to.  From memories, fond and foul, to the ache of regret and doubt that often plagued both heart and mind.

   He never sees himself as a good leader—a good Captain. And the words spat with venom from his sibling in bond were ones that would echo in his head forever, just giving him more reasons to doubt himself and his capability to lead. The dispute between him and his wayward sibling had begun as a war of sharp tongues, but it was quick to escalate into such a discourse, all in the wake of Gabe's declared death. It was nasty when it got physical, but the words were what left behind scars that hurt more than physical pain, so many open wounds to add to the hurt that still had yet to heal. 

   And those thoughts often lead him to remembering the day his father was gone. With the crops and materials thinning as that year's drought had been relentless and unforgiving, despite his and William's allied efforts, they still were accomplishing too little. Being denied aid from Favíll even after offering more strength to her ranks, and denied by King Pluvaes simply because he was revelling in the fact that his kingdom was finally thriving far better than almost all others in Dahlia, he'd set out on a journey to Northern Ferris in an effort to make contact with an old friend of his, King Gregory Keaton. Only, he never made it to Alfanes, nor had he returned to Canis. He was gone without a trace and declared dead after months of searching from both his own subjects—or family, rather—and King Solaire's.

   It had all spiralled downward from then. His wayward sibling had grown even more distant than they ever were before, causing David to believe that, most nights, they had disappeared just as his father did. Especially when they would end up unable to be found for days, sometimes weeks. Canis castle was stormed, the kingdom had crumbled to its knees at the feet of a single man who stole his place upon the throne, announcing the wanted capture of David Shaw and the rest of the late King's bound family. Each and every person of his family had a bounty over their head, with the biggest rewards pinned on 'David Shaw' and 'Asher Talbot.'  When the family fled, they were missing one. One only very few noticed hadn't been on the ship when they were forced to evacuate their home.

   Then the fall of King Solaire had taken every hope they had of ever being able to go back and reclaim their home, and hanged them in the gallows. So caught up in all of these thoughts and memories flooding his conscience, David hadn't heard the soft thumping of boots travelling up the steps to the quarter deck.

   "Ye know," a thick accent began, "I'd a feelin' ye still be bright-eyed an' bushy-tailed t'nite," Asher shifted his weight to one foot and propped his hands up on his decorated hips.

   "I don't know if I'd call this "bright-eyed,"" he replied, only sparing a glance to his First Mate. His best friend.

   "Aye," the blonde shrugged, "just teh bushy-tail then." In a single motion, Ash spun around and joined his Captain seated on the wooden floor. After a few minutes of easily comfortable quiet, nothing but the creaking of wood and the gentle sounds of the calm, undulating sea lapping at the ship. Sparkling blue eyes following his to admire the scenery above that not even the most professional of artists could ever hope replicate.

   "Stirms follow ye, ne matter how clear be teh sky," he sighed. There was always something so delicately kind about the way he spoke, a kindness that was always so genuine. David was both impressed and, honestly, grateful that he'd been able to maintain such an aspect of his personality after everything that's happened. The Captain only hummed, drawing a breathy chuckle from his friend at his side:

   "If ye just wan' teh sit here en quiet company, I'd be perfec'ly fine widit," Asher spoke softly again, leading the deep brunette's attention to catch his gaze. "But if dere's anytin' ye'd like off ye chest, I'd also be mar then willin' teh listen. Maybe even share a shot'a wisdom," he winked with a smile, feeling a smidgen of pride swell in his chest while a trickle of relief washed over his soul when David huffed a laugh.

   "I think I might trust Aggro to steer the ship through a storm more than I trust your "wisdom,"" Ash dropped his jaw, eyes bulging dramatically as he chortled a little heartier than the other had.

   "Aye, I'd trust that cat wit my life if it came down t'it," he shrugged, pulling another small chuckle from the Captain as he nodded, the First Mate laughing softly along with him. Quiet befell the deck of The Wallowing Wolf once more, a tangle of nerves perched upon David's shoulders growing noticeable by the man beside him as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

   "I can't stop thinking about what I might be doing wrong," he said, brows pinched tightly as his vivid green eyes now stared out at the nearly invisible horizon across from where they both sat. He didn't need to steal a glance to know Ash was listening with his full attention focused on every word.  "It's easier to push it down and ignore it to some degree when I'm busying myself with something..."

   But once I'm sitting alone on a night of silence with no work to be done, no voices scattered across the whole ship—chattering about what someone will request for the next meal, or making plans to enjoy some proper drinking and merriment once we find land that hasn't gotten word of our bounties yet—all the thoughts, all the memories of everything I've ever done wrong, of everything I am doing wrong.., they crowd my conscience and they refuse to leave until the noise and distractions pick up again.

   Is everything he wanted to say.

   He clenched his fists as he felt them start to tremble, a distant sting that he'd always made such strong efforts to keep away finally coming to his eyes. Giving up on what his throat wouldn't let escape yet, he started elsewhere to Asher, however continuing from where his thoughts broke away:

   "But the sunlight fades so fast, and the dark lasts an eternity." David couldn't will himself to say more, but the strong squeeze from a grounding hand on his shoulder told him he didn't have to.

   Asher may parade about under the guise of a pirate jester, but he was perceptive as the owl; he had a sixth sense for just knowing when something wasn't quite right, especially up in the mind of his best friend and Captain, David Shaw. When their eyes met again, it was like Ash suddenly knew everything he'd done and seen, all the words he said, every expression of boiling rage and animosity his sibling had shot at him ever since their biggest fight, the pain he felt when they declared his father's death—the inadequacy he'd felt in himself ever since that day, when he was told he was to take up the throne, only to watch his home crumble before his eyes.  Asher hummed,

   "Teh rain is faded when teh Lady o' nature wills it, but teh cleods are still dhere. Even dhen, only teh passage o' time may carry them awae, an' this stirm canny start movin' befir ye let it rain, my friend," David sighed and his lips offered an almost microscopic smile.

   "Thank you, Ash," he replied.

   "Aye, not eh probl'm." Asher took in a deep breath and sighed, humming an old tune as his eyes traced the constellations above. It was quiet as the two best of friends sat comfortably in each other's company. It was indeed quiet and tranquil.., for a few minutes

   "Ye know what helps teh time pass dhat, en turn, will give thes stirm a hand en movin' along?" Asked the First Mate, receiving a tired expression complete with a cocked brow.

   "Goin' d'feck asleep." David rolled his eyes and the two shared their laughter, one heartier than the other as always. "Talkin' cen help ye out as well," he added, "not necessarily teh me, lettin' ye know." David grunted as if to say that he understood clearly, and he did. He knew what Ash was hinting at when he said it could help, the two looking back at one another with something akin to a brotherly love embedded in their eyes. Then, Asher stood with a dramatic grunt.

   "Welp, s'pose I'd best be off on my own way," he said as he reached his hands over his head and stretched out his spine, groaning in satisfaction when a series of pops sounded in his ears. "Ye better treat dhat hart-a ye's a lot bit kinder dhan ye have been." Asher told him. The Captain nodded.

   "Merry calm nite to ye, me mule of a Captain, and best o' friend, David Shaw" he took an elegant bow before he spun smoothly on his heel and started back down the steps from the quarter deck and ducked through the door of the Captain's quarters, the space the two friends shared as Asher new that being alone in that cabin—the cabin his father used to sleep in on his own journeys—was bad for the heart and the head.

   Mulling over what the Irishman had said in their conversation, David found himself staring up at the sky, glassy-eyed and conflicted for but a few hours longer before he finally let himself retire to his cot in the Captain's quarters. His final thought as he nodded off being one he found crossed his mind more frequently these days:

   Are they alright?

——

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! I have decided to go with 'Talbot' as Asher's last name, but I'll be giving Baabe the last name O'Connell—which is the only case that I will be giving one of the listener characters a name myself.

💫TAGS LIST💫

@morgansplace @sealriously-sealrious @epsi-l0n @star-sheeps @friendlyfaded @the-gender-bending-squid @nonbinarycringe404 @pinksparkl @anthrokiaera @whatalovelymae @0605018redactedasmr @beemybella @reyofsunshinelol (if you'd like to be tagged for Treading Water stuffs, lemme know!^-^)

[lastparty]

so funny that theres discourse abt why aus lit doesnt get nominated for the booker

[rhcenyra]

the ‘why do they call him john b’ discourse is so tired. 1) bc thats his name

my manager at work today was like start calling me chris b then hahahaha but. his last name is B unlike john b whos last name is routledge like. he is john booker routledge what are yall not understand idgi