#The Minute Review

[pswgallery]

My TypoGraphics are printed on the cover of The Minute Review. Vol. 2 No. 4 - 7 , published by Derek Beaulieu’s no press

[galoogamelady]

I got to make another review video!

[gnomeantics]

i was watching the new quinton reviews video and this computer immediately stuck out to me because ??? so i stuck it into MS paint and i've discovered that the computers of mid-late icarly are on a whole other level & i want whatever this OS has going on. it is a gender to me

[starcurtain]

One thing I wish I'd see more of among Ratio fans is some thought about how he views himself as a teacher.

Like yes, of course he refuses to compromise on the quality and rigor of the education he imparts, and he would find it unforgivably unethical to lower his standards in order to pass more students who had not genuinely learned the material. This is core to his character.

However, as someone who is a teacher IRL, I know the absolutely miserable feeling setting that kind of standard can cause. There's the obvious disheartening sense of disappointment ("Are students these days really not capable of doing the work correctly? Is our future in danger, if this is the highest level of understanding our current generation of students can achieve?"), but even worse than that is the self-doubt.

"Is this somehow my fault? Am I not teaching this material in the right ways for the students to learn? Is there something I could have done differently to get through to these students? Would a better teacher have a higher passing rate?"

We know that Ratio does (or at least did) struggle with feeling inferior to the Genius Society, so I think it is also likely, as much as he absolutely will not budge on his academic standards, that he has doubts about his teaching ability as well.

This is the man who wants to educate the entire world to cure the disease of ignorance, and yet only 3% of his actual students are able to get there. How can someone who gets so few of his direct students to a state of enlightenment hope to enlighten the whole universe? If so few students are successfully learning the material of a given class, doesn't that mean the teacher is doing something wrong?Would a better teacher--would a genius, maybe--not be able to impart their knowledge more efficiently and educate even the most challenging of students?

As someone constantly struggling with that balance between keeping academic standards high while also meeting the needs of today's students, I think the passing rates of his courses must affect Dr. Ratio much more deeply than I've seen fans discuss. I think he would question himself harshly over his class success rates, and I think he must be constantly trying to push himself to become the best teacher he possibly can be.

tl;dr: I hope one day the HSR fandom will stop sleeping on the fact that Ratio is an actual practicing professor who probably has astronomical levels of teacher angst. 😂

[choices-and-voices]

Quotes from Kieran that straight-up sound like Shakespearean love poetry: a comprehensive list

‘None may touch me. None but you.’

‘What is left of my heart belongs to you. When you leave, it will shatter anew.’

‘Tell me I did not hurt you.’

‘How am I expected to pass another century without the taste of you on my tongue?’

‘After so many decades spent hating each sunset, knowing nightfall would take my freedom from me... I began to yearn for the moonrise instead of cursing it. Because dreams of you might be waiting on the other side.’

‘I would rather be cursed to roam the wilds as a beast every night than live endless lifetimes without you.’

‘Wherever it is that souls may go, you will find mine waiting for you at the end of all things.’

‘You shall pay dearly for every spilled drop of her blood.’

‘I was not lying. Were you?’

‘Just this once, beloved... I wish you could not lie.’

‘You hold all of my heart, beloved. Now, and always.’

‘I would make and unmake the world for you, beloved.’

‘Believe me when I say I want every part of you. Every version. Now and future.’

‘Look, beloved. Your skin is a canvas covered in stars.’

‘If I were you, I would begin by thanking her and throw yourself on her continued mercy. Because you’ll get none from me.’

‘What would be the point of immortality without you?’

‘No magic. Like an everyday mortal.’

‘Insult her again, and I will carve my refusal into your flesh, so that you may never forget it.’

‘I don’t care what your title is. Every breath, every beat of my heart belongs to you. You are mine for life.’

‘Thank you… for sharing the sky with me.’

‘If you lay a single hand on her, there will be nothing left of this place but a hole in the ground.’

‘Let us live in this moment long enough that I may love you the way you deserve.’

‘I will let nothing separate us… I shall always find you. Your heart calls to mine in a language beyond words.’

‘For you I would set worlds aflame, tear the sun and moon from the sky. I did not live before I met you.’

‘Perhaps you are the most courageous of all, for choosing to live among us. A mortal among gods.’

‘Welcome home, beloved.’

‘You helped me find peace in my grief. I will always help you find peace in yours.’

‘You sacrifice too much for me, beloved.’

‘I cannot give you my heart. It already belongs to someone else.’

‘There will always be tasks vying for our attention. But you are more important to me than any of them.’

‘I like being in here. I always want you to have the freedom of a place to call your own… and it means everything, that you welcome me in.’

(And finally, BONUS: Quotes from *other* characters in The Cursed Heart that straight-up sound like Shakespearean poetry, because the writers of this book just do. not. rest.)

‘I know you. I’m not afraid.’

‘I love him so terribly, it hurts.’

‘You are so much stronger than you know. And a love as strong as this is worth fighting for.’

‘Even if you kill me, I’m glad I met you. Because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. And I will love you until my very last breath.’

‘The world is rarely gentle to those who are so kind. It is you who must be the strongest of all.’

‘What do you want with that cursed thing?’ / ‘To cut the Sun and the Moon from the sky.’

‘Anything here that wishes to eat me had best prepare to choke.’

‘I know you. And I love you. Both your darkness and your light.’

‘You are everything I want. Just you. Just like this.’

‘If love could forestall death, we would all be immortal.’

‘All stories end. Even ours. That’s what makes them beautiful.’

‘I don’t care where I sleep, so long as it’s beside you.’

[bmpmp3]

sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

[boxheadpaint]

here my newest video of a horror unfiction youtube channel that ive titled The Most Scaryfying F*ck*d Up Analog Horror Explained where i play said channels video in their entirety before explaining to you their most obvious aspects. the thumbnail is also a frame from their video but edited to have higher contrast so its scarier. you can expect the same thing next week for every time the other channel updates. i dont want this post to get too many notes also so character break i put my second heart monitor on today all by myself every must clap

[wordfather]

my cat will act like the whole world is ending because its taking me more than a millisecond to put food on his plate

[little-smartass]

it really irks me when people pan perfectly good movies for being "predictable". is it fun to watch a movie that keeps you guessing? for sure! but you only have to watch sherlock or moffat's run in dr who or the last season of game of thrones to know that wild plot twists do not equate to media actually like... being good. in the same way, a narrative that lets the viewer put together the clues before the reveal isn't bad just because you can guess what's going to happen! not every movie has be m night fucking shyamalan!

[andreai04]

Can't I simply be devoured without being expected to praise what devours me?

[quaranmine]

On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.

Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it

[emobatsy]

romulus review: if the first movie didnt have enough explicit sex/pregnancy/birth horror for u go see alien: romulus! in theatres now!

[threecheersforinking]

I think I have a greater appreciation for the silly Nanami episodes after several full rewatches of RGU

On my first watch, I was so hooked on the mystery and intrigue of the main plot that all I wanted was to find out what was going on, so every time a Nanami episode came on I’d be like oh great this means I have to go another full episode without finding out more about this story!

But now that I know everything that happens, the Nanami episodes provide a much needed respite from the darkness of the main storyline. Plus I am able to interpret/appreciate their value and symbolism outside of comic relief as well

[starleska]

me before watching Drop Dead Fred: aw this is gonna be a really silly dumb kinda movie and it'll cheer me up :3c me after watching Drop Dead Fred:

[bigalockwood]

My contribution to Wille's month, day 1: Sandwich.

Hosted by @youngroyals-events

A missing scene from my newest story, we’ll make a home on the cracks (glowing review).

Or you can read it on AO3 over here.

Wile took the sandwich out of Simon’s outstretched hand. He liked the way his bigger hand looked next to Simon’s smaller one, liked the way Simon smiled at him when his touch lingered.

They got on their bikes to drive to the strawberry fields like Simon had suggested and Wille unwrapped the sandwich, carrying on cycling all the while. He was hungry enough to eat ten of them, he thought.

Thanks to countless summers spent doing virtually nothing but biking, he was good at it, letting go of his bike, balancing it out and avoiding the larger holes in the street while eating.

He’d forgotten what it felt like to be free and happy. Had forgotten how much he loved the wind in his hair and the thrill of being a little reckless. He gripped the sandwich a bit tighter, pressing the bland toast into a thin mockery of a slice of bread.

Carefully he looked over to Simon. The sun shone hot and strong, but there was also a breeze coming from the sea, and Simon’s curls were tousled, his tan beautiful against the colors of the cliffs, the foxglove and cranesbill, the sea pink and Cornish heath looking like they were the background to a painting, with Simon at its center.

“Look!” Simon called out, pointing out toward the horizon.

A large sailboat was gliding along the waves, driven forward by the wind.

Simon laughed, looking happy and carefree, unlike this morning, when he’d been so unbearably sad, mirroring Wille’s inner tumult. Now, his eyes were crinkled with how much he was smiling, his cheeks dry, the tears long since gone.

Wille stuffed the final bite of his sandwich into his mouth: the further inland they got, the more treacherous the roads became and at this point it was little more than a potholed gravel road. He didn’t want to risk falling.

The sandwich was a bit dry, the bread clearly the cheap kind and already stale, the cheese boring, but the butter was nice and salty and the cucumber fresh and juicy. Wille had never eaten a better sandwich.

Simon was waiting for him a few meters ahead, his own sandwich already eaten.

He leaned forward, swiped his thumb along Wille’s chin.

“You’ve got a few crumbs here,” he said, but Wille saw none on his finger.

He didn’t say anything though, happy to be touched by Simon.

A gull circled over them as the breeze picked up, Wille’s shirt lifting up a bit in its current.

Simon’s gaze immediately wandered down to the exposed skin. His hands found a home there as he leaned over- it wasn’t entirely easy, as they were still straddling their bikes, but they managed. Wile’s skin tingled pleasantly.

Wille leaned into Simon, their noses brushing.

“Did it taste good?” Simon asked.

Wille nodded.

“It was the best sandwich I ever had.”

Simon laughed in disbelief, but Wille had been serious. Whether it was the company he’d eaten it in or the smell of the sea in his nose. Never had a sandwich tasted better. Never had it tasted as much like freedom.

[dreamsy990]

so it all comes to this.

to say i was excited to play 3 would be wrong. actually i was sort of dreading the game. i went in with expectations for the worst and was pleasantly surprised. which is not to say that its good. but its certainly a game! that i played! and now you get my thoughts. unfortunately a lot of my thoughts about the end of the game are kind of hard to separate so. if youre wondering where my thoughts on endgame stuff is. its at the end.

(also i havent played remind so theres no remind thoughts here. its all just base game kh3)

combat (with some other gameplay notes)

so. im not a big fan of the combat. to preface, i played the rest of the series on standard, but with kh3 i was told it was easy so i did proud! and yet it was still the easiest kh game.

kh3 is the first game in the series where i feel as though 'mash x to win' is a valid criticism <- thats not entirely true at the start, but later in the game it does feel a lot like that. almost every fight is mindless because of how easy it is. you can see it in the enemy health bars, theyre absurdly large because of how easy it is to take them down. they need to have that high of health so the fight isnt over in under a minute.

i dont think the base combat is bad. unsatisfying, maybe. But not bad. except for attraction commands.

attraction commands feel like part of a pattern in kh3, where they try to recreate what made the other games so good without understanding WHY it was good. what theyre recreating ofc being reaction commands. technically its the same as some reaction commands, sure, being a giant dramatic attack, but it doesnt work because theres no situational awareness in them.

attraction commands dont feel cool because theres nothing in them that requires use of your surroundings or that is tailored to the enemies youre fighting, since theres only a couple that can be used at any time. there's nothing strategic about using them either- reaction commands normally would give you a specific advantage, or could be used to avoid attacks, only sometimes dealing damage on their own. in kh3, all attractions do is deal damage. they are impersonal and often obtrusive- if youre like me and hate attractions, youll still often accidentally use one, since theres no way to disable them.

this is more abstract than anything, but something about attacking feels unsatisfying. the combat feels like it lacks any real sense of impact or weight to me. but thats all personal and not exactly good criticism so. i digress

also the bosses in 3 suck. you know its bad when the most memorable boss fight in your game is the tutorial. most of the boss fights in this game are so unmemorable that ive literally forgotten them. except of course demon tide. i despise demon tide. it was fine in 0.2 but not here. every time you fight it feels like a missed opportunity for something cooler.

i think flowmotion is worse now. i get that it was a bit too overpowered, but with how much it was limited i ended up hardly using it. i didnt like flowmotion because of the attacks, i liked it because of the movement. so to me, it ended up being a reminder of how kh3 failed instead of a fun feature.

also i know a lot of people like being able to switch keyblades in fights, but honestly i feel like it removes an element of strategy the other games had

the ui (and other visual things)

this isnt something i talked about in my other reviews. but in kh3 i must bring it up. if you follow me you may know my hatred for kh3s ui. so im going to talk about it again! this is the abridged version though. heres my whole rant if you want my full thoughts on it. but the short version is that i dont like it. i am someone with terrible vision and i can play every single kh game without glasses because the ui is just big enough that i can read it. most of the time i can read subtitles too. but in 3? i struggle even WITH glasses to read anything. the ui is too small to make out anything almost all the time. its really only by muscle memory that im able to play. my glasses broke while i was playing, and i literally couldnt play until i got new ones because i couldnt make out a single word on screen. its bad design.

im also upset that there ui art has been replaced with renders. its just a shame honestly. i loved the art in the older games. the renders feel bland in comparison.

and thats generally my take on the look of modern kh. sure its pretty, but its bland. kh has always had a certain cartoonish vibe to it thats starting to die out, and i think the shift to unreal engine was the first marker of that change. i like the look of old kh. its not too technically impressive but its incredibly charming. kh3 is anything but. the characters feel far less expressive, the worlds are realistically rendered, it feels unfitting for a series like kh. its hard for me to find kh3 as charming as the other games. the only word i can think of to really describe it is corporate.

i dont know if this is a rare take, but i think technically impressive visuals are far worse than distinct ones. kh used to have a unique look! now it just looks like every other semi-realistically rendered rpg.

story (featuring: more gameplay notes)

my problem with kh3's story was unavoidable really. dream drop distance set this game up for failure and so im not going to complain about dream drop distance. ANOTHER TIME ill talk about dream drop distance. i dont have time to make a post that long. i do have a lot of problems with the story that werent a result of ddd being terrible so i guess ill just bring up those.

one of my biggest issues with the game is how unimportant the roxas plot is. youre led to believe the game will revolve around it but then sora does nothing to further it. at all. at the start he CONSIDERS doing something, and then hes told by ienzo "no its fine ive got it. go do something else" and its barely ever mentioned again until the end.

this relates to my overarching problem with the plot: it feels aimless. in every kh game theres a REASON theyre going on a journey. soras looking for his friends, roxas is working a 9 to 5, the wayfinders are all following each other, etc. but in kh3 sora is looking for "the power of waking". what is the power of waking? i literally have no clue. thats how poorly defined it is. its an abstract goal, its not tangible or even really achievable. its just a macguffin. when the plot suddenly decides to happen at the end the whole journey feels pointless. you could skip every disney world past twilight town and you would probably be fine. it's not a journey, you're not exploring for a purpose, you're just killing time until other people handle the plot.

i also really hate the new organization (i refuse to call them the real organization. theyll never be the org). theyre painfully boring and poorly put together. the old org had structure, they had very specific goals, every member had a purpose. you knew how they worked and why they did what they did. the new org is just completely lacking in that. calling it an 'organization' is stupid because there's nothing organized about it. and even disregarding all that, the new organization also lacks any real personality. the members feel so boring, which sucks, because almost all of them are returning characters who used to be really fun. and why are most of them even there? no one except maybe xigbar seems to actually care about their mission. the old organization had a common goal and a reason everyone was there. they were nobodies, they wanted their hearts back. there's no reason for any of the new members to stick with xehanort. and if you say "well they were norted!" i then must ask. what exactly is norting? like really. it hasnt been possession since birth by sleep. norting is whatever nomura needs it to be in the moment. its not clearly defined, its just another macguffin.

also because i dont know where to put it, the battle of 10,000 heartless is just a terrible successor to the original fight. there's no stakes, no buildup, no friends fighting by your side, no reason to care. they just throw thousands of heartless with no ai at you. literally no ai, if you stand still they wont attack you. its a drag if anything, an homage to a better game done absolutely no justice.

back to what i was saying about the roxas plot, roxas' return is just such a nothing scene. theres nothing about it thats cathartic, his lines are impersonal and bland, theres nothing 'roxas' about it. roxas' defining feature has always been how emotional he is, and there's none of that here. its nothing. and then he does nothing afterwords. he has seven whole lines in this entire game, six of them are in this scene, and the last one is an inconsequential jab at sora at the very end. and then he fades into the background.

the writing in this game in general is actually weirdly worse than normal. it feels a lot less, idk, human? the older games were weird and absurdly cheesy but this is just. strange. look at the scenes with riku and mickey in the realm of darkness and youll see what i mean.

WHILE IM ON THAT SUBJECT. RIKUS KEYBLADE BREAKING IS BULLSHIT. remind me to rant about that another time though im not gonna go on a tangent about that here

also i would give my thoughts on the ending but i literally couldnt care less about xehanort. so i dont really have any! the final boss was alright though

i have more specific thoughts, but generally, the game feels aimless and underwhelming.

positives

i love axel and kairi! theyre a fun duo and ill never shut up about their parallels so seeing them together is nice. i wish they did anything but thats BESIDES the point im being POSITIVE here

also. the music is great. i love the music sm. its nowhere near my favorite kh soundtrack, it feels a lot more grand which isnt my thing but its still some of yoko shimomuras best work. also hearts as one. its the PERFECT conclusion to roxas' theme and arc. the progression of it from melancholic (roxas) to desperate (the other promise) to triumphant (hearts as one) is just so good. i wish the rest of this scene was as good as the music so i could compliment it more wholeheartedly yknow?

its actually funny also! kh isnt the funniest series, most of the time when it IS funny its completely on accident. but kh3 is like days in the way that it just. actually has funny writing. the jokes intended DO land and its just a breath of fresh air.

oh also riku being well adjusted is the funniest possible conclusion to his character arc. 10/10 im so happy hes normal. never give that boy an emo arc again nomura

conclusion

over all, kh3 is exactly like how my teachers described me in elementary school: it has a lot of potential, but doesnt apply itself. this couldve been a decent game but it simply doesnt do most things very well. i give it a 5.2 / 10. its not an actively bad game but its a game i have trouble enjoying. sidenote im retconning my opinion on bbs to say its 4.7 / 10 because a: my opinions have changed and b: i think 3 is better but i dont want to give it a very high score.