#The first reference is ofc civil war

[huldrabitch]

616 Stevetony relationship moments ❤️ (Based on this) + additional post because I think I'm funny

[jo-harrington]

Luminous Beings - Episode 6: Hopeless

Art by @monologichno || Beta Read by @undead-supernova Part of the @eddiemunsonbigbang

Summary: Eddie's ship is gone, he might be hunted by the Empire...everything seems hopeless. Now what?

Word Count: 7.1k

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (Thalia Trieste)

Warnings/Themes: Star Wars AU, Fluff, Angst, Humor, Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Distrust, Mention of Alcohol and Substance Use, Minor Canon Inaccuracies/Adaptation, Galactic Politics, Mention of Death, Vague References to Order 66 and the Jedi Purge, Discussion of the Force, Abstract Spirituality

Note: Big big thanks to August for all of her lovely beta-reading and for striving to make me a better writer with her critical eye. Seriously, you push me to be better.

Thanks again to everyone for reading.

Luminous Beings Masterlist - Jo-Harrington's Masterlist

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Thank you for reading. Enjoy!

Bogano, 10BBY

The first steps out of the Stranger Mantis were disorienting. Eddie always felt that way after a long trip through hyperspace, but more so now. A new planet, a new…everything. Bright suns, fresh air, gentle clouds, and grassy plains as far as the eye could see.

It was a paradise, and it felt like a punishment. Like they'd given up.

Once again, he felt out of control.

There had been a collective sense of mourning aboard the Mantis between himself and his friends. The loss of a ship, the loss of a purpose. They sulked for days. However, they soon realized that everyone aboard—save for Benny, Bob, and Thalia—felt that way.

The first night, one of the kids had cried to her brother about how she missed their family, their friends, and their home. And her brother, only a few years older, had responded with a wisdom that was well beyond his age.

"It's okay," he attempted, trying to soothe her woes. "I miss them, too, but they'd want us to be safe and happy above all else."

So the crew of the Dragonborn felt like they couldn't really complain about missing out on things like scantily-clad dancers and sub-par drinks when these people, these kids, lost practically everything they'd ever known.

Still, as Eddie's eyes scanned over the generally uninterrupted horizon in front of him, he couldn't help but loathe the sense of displacement. He'd always been used to cities. Civilization. Something. Not...whatever this was.

There were huts and large tents big enough to house dozens of people, with a few small, sturdily constructed buildings dotted around the camp and further out in the distance. Short barrier walls around the perimeter were reinforced with sandbags. Big pieces of mechanical equipment, generators and moisture vaporators, were also familiar shapes around the encampment.

It was a stark difference from what he was used to. What any of them might have been used to, surely.

Benny, the good captain that he was, rolled out as much hospitality as he could.

"Alright," he announced as he herded everyone out of the ship. He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Follow me."

He led the group of nervous passengers around and gave them the grand tour. One of the buildings at the edge of the camp closest to the landing pad housed refreshers, and they were nice, but they felt a little sterile. There was soap that didn’t have a scent and cramped shower stalls. Benny said that they were remnants of the Clone Wars, that he had a buddy who was able to help them source everything through surplus dealers. 

As the Latero droned on about everything that had been crafted for clone troopers, Eddie remembered how Wayne’s work buddies used to grumble about the war on nights they came over to play sabacc. How the Galactic Senate had allocated insane amounts of credits to war efforts, and just like everything else in the damned galaxy, it was all left to rot once the sham of a war was over and the Empire came to power.

“But hey,” Benny’s laugh broke Eddie from his thoughts. “If we can get a real toilet out of it, instead of shitting in a hole, I’m not complaining."

He showed them an old building at the perimeter. Not a pre-fabricated building like the others, but something more makeshift. Something the crew of the Dragonborn were used to seeing on Bracca, with its mismatched durasteel walls and rickety-looking roof. It was where he and Bob stayed when they were on-planet. Not necessarily traditional living quarters, but certainly a home.

And then, Benny gave them all a home too.

They went, tent by tent, and he welcomed them, all the while narrating about how Bob and Thalia struggled how to set everything up and worried that the beds would be uncomfortable or the sheets and blankets too scratchy. Was Bogano too hot or too cold? Would they be happy here?

Eddie didn’t need Force powers to know that happy wasn’t the right word. Happiness took time. Contentedness? Sure.

"You kids can run around and play to your heart's content." Benny laughed as he spoke to the younger refugees. One set of arms folded across his torso while another arm scratched the back of his head. "Don't know about school...but I'm sure none of you will be too bummed about missing out. I'll let Bob know to scrounge up some holobooks on our next supply run. Otherwise holovids will be your teachers. What could possibly go wrong?"

There were a few swoop bikes tucked behind the structure that housed the refreshers. They were off limits apparently, but Eddie and his friends all gave each other knowing looks; it's not like anyone could stop them from taking a joy ride.

"We'll come up with some sort of chore rotation," Benny explained towards the end of the tour. "I'm your resident chef, though. Used to run a little snack window on Takodana once upon a time. Those pirates get hungry. Speaking of hungry, I hope everyone likes shaak stew. I'll make us all a little food. Think of it as a welcome dinner."

He was about to head back to the ship, but he turned to everyone and held his hands out to them. It was a gesture of sincerity and trust.

"I know it doesn't look like much, but this is what we have to work with for the foreseeable future. I...I'm not the best with words. I should've had one of the others do this, but I drew the short straw. What I wanna say though is...there's nothing you need to worry about anymore. You're home now. And you're safe."

It might've been the force abilities that he apparently had, it might've been the stress of the past week, it might've been that he wasn’t a kriffing idiot.

But Eddie had a hard time believing that.

"What would you say if I told you this feels like home for me?"

"I would ask how long you've been here because this place kind of stinks."

Thalia let out a laugh and took his words as permission to enter the tent.

Eddie was the last of his friends to unpack his meager belongings. Their new living arrangements weren't too bad, actually. Bigger than the bunk room on the Dragonborn, with enough space for their instruments and a charging station for D5-TN, who was currently powered down and sulking in his own way.

The others had taken it upon themselves to start helping around the encampment, but they let Eddie have the time alone.

He should have known there would be a limit to how alone he could truly be. And that Thalia would destroy the distance he’d created between them as he avoided her.

“This is nice.” She looked around the tent. “Nicer than where I’m staying.”

“I didn’t know you were staying,” Eddie huffed.

“Well, I’m sure they’re gonna be looking for a blue-haired force user now,” Thalia ran a hand into her hair and ruffled her curls. He could see the slightest bit of growth at the roots, that muddy brown from his memory. From hers. “So I think I need to lay low for a bit.”

"Well, could you lay low somewhere else?" he groused at her.

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, I have something to ask you."

"Ask me? Or tell me?"

"Both."

"Knew it."

He gestured for her to take a seat on Jeff's bunk, across from him. She sighed deeply as she sat and her whole body shrank in on itself at the small comfort.

The wind blew just outside the tent and the kids shouted to each other in the distance, playing some game, as Eddie and Thalia got reacclimated to each other's presence. There was relative silence for a few moments as they sat and watched each other.

Then Thalia finally spoke.

"You know," she started, looking down at her hands settled neatly in her lap. "I had...a different plan, if you can believe it."

"I don't believe in making plans," Eddie responded after a beat. He sniffed judgmentally and then leaned back in his seat with his arms folded across his chest. "They always end up changing."

Thalia hummed in response, amused. "I had a feeling you were gonna say something like that."

"I'm an open book, sweetheart."

"Uh huh."

"Unlike someone."

"Do you want an apology?"

"For blowing up my ship? For forcing my friends and I to come to this abandoned planet? For ruining our lives?" He nodded. "Yeah, I would, actually."

"I'm sorry," she said solemnly.

He poked a finger in his ear and wiggled it. "Can you say that again? I didn't hear it."

"I'm sorry," she repeated and then lifted a brow expectantly. "That good enough?"

"How about some groveling?"

"You're pressing your luck."

"Then I accept your apology." He held his hand out to her to shake. "And if there's a way for me to get a reimbursement of the credits I left behind on Coruscant trying to save your hide."

"I'll talk to Bob." She chuckled lightly. "Not like there are many places you can spend it here on Bogano, though."

"I'll figure something out." He grinned. "I always do."

There was another stretch of solemn silence.

"The force..." Thalia broke the silence, then took a deep breath. "Works in mysterious ways."

"Why do you say that?" he asked. She paused again, then reached into her jacket and pulled something from where she'd tucked it. Hidden it. She carefully passed it across to him and he felt his eyes widen.

It was a little leather-bound journal; the cover was a deep mahogany and crafted well, with shapes embossed into it and a loosely knitted cord around its middle. Pieces of rough paper were carefully folded and sewn together inside.

Eddie knew it well, because it was his.

"You...where did you get this?"

"Stole it," she teased lightly. "I...I was planning to give it back to you. And I would've if the inquisitors hadn't shown up. I think it would've been a nice goodbye. A real goodbye."

"I thought I lost it," he muttered. "It's been a while since I'd seen it."

"I know." She nodded. "Found it in a camtono while I was organizing the ship. There were all sorts of things inside. Tiny figurines, dice...but this was the thing that caught my eye the most. It felt lost. It was excited for someone to open it again."

"And did you? Open it?"

"I might've," she said slyly.

Eddie eagerly untied the cord and flipped through the long-forgotten pages. He traced his fingers over his own scratchy handwriting inside; stories that he used to write to entertain his friends, little notes and ideas for their games. They'd come up with names and planets that didn't exist and creatures, and he'd lead them through the little made-up adventures to pass the time. Both back home and when they started travelling.

It got boring in space.

"Why a journal?" Thalia questioned. "Why not a datapad?"

He looked over at her and saw the way her mouth quirked at the corners. Not quite a smile, but enough of one.

"Something tells me you already know," he accused lightheartedly.

"Oh yeah?"

"So why ask?"

"Because I'd rather hear the story from you," she assured him. "Than experience it through echoes in the Force."

He looked down at the little book again. He was nervous, but it was an acceptable answer; he could do this...he could tell her.

"My uncle Wane gave it to me," he began. "After my mom died, my dad had a hard time. He loved her but he couldn't handle his...grief, I guess. Wane always said I was just like him...itching to get off planet. But mom was the only thing holding him down. So once she was gone, he didn't really have a reason to stay."

Not even me, he thought bitterly for the millionth time in his life.

"Anyway." He cleared his throat and held up the journal. "Wane took me in. And he says he's a homebody, that he has no interest in doing much more than keeping his head down and sticking to the status quo. But he's just as curious about the galaxy as I am. As Al was. Full of stories that he's heard over the years. Some are fun, others are a little more...cautionary.

"So when he saw me tapping away at my datapad, writing little stories, he marched his ass down to the Terrace and got this for me. Sat me down and told me this...I mean, I guess I know it's true now. But back then it was unbelievable."

He remembered being eight or nine, hearing the story and thinking Wane was just being his usual old coot self.

"This planet...Taris...used to be a bigger metropolis than Coruscant. Skyscrapers and resorts and casinos and pleasure barges. If it wasn't in the Outer Rim, it could've been the Capital of the Old Republic. Took thousands of years to build...and a single year to destroy. All of the people, all of the technology, all of the money couldn't save them. But what did survive? Books. Hand written and printed books, unwanted, deep in the undercity. Along with the few survivors.

"So he said to me, 'Ed, don't you trust any of your important thoughts to a datapad. You better write them all down.' And he handed me this journal, and the rest is history. Honestly, I don't think that I would've ever gotten the courage to leave Bracca if it wasn't for Wane and this journal. Everything I ever thought was important to me, I put in here."

He stopped at a page that had his rough little sketches of a ship and the name Dragonborn scrawled across the top. He felt his eyes sting with unshed tears, then he looked up at Thalia and forced a wry smile.

"So, did I tell the story better than your...Force Echo?"

Her fingers twitched on her lap, and in his mind's eye, Eddie could see her reach across to comfort him. He almost wanted her to. But she stayed on Jeff's bed and simply stated, "You absolutely did."

"Why, thank you." He held his arms out and did a little bow in his seat, hamming it up to try and push past the heavy emotions that lingered. "So...what does this have to do with the force working in mysterious ways?"

Thalia scoffed and rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath before stating, "You know, there have been plenty of scholars in the history of the galaxy that have questioned whether we truly have freewill. Or if there is some predetermined fate that the Force keeps us moving towards."

Fate? Well, that was bantha shit in Eddie's opinion.

Still, he asked her, "What do you think?"

Of course, she avoided the question in the way only she could.

It seemed it was her turn to tell a story.

“The Jedi..." She paused in thought. "They take...took...children from their homes when they were very young, to begin teaching them the ways of the Force very early. To teach them to follow the light. And to prevent them from forming an attachment to their homes or their families. For some, that meant they were taken as babies. For me? I was...old enough to remember. Not much. But faces and names and places. Feelings. Things.

“The first time I came here…well, that’s a story in and of itself. I came across another survivor of the Purge, who urged me to try and find Master Cordova. I hired Benny and Bob to take me to a remote planet no one had heard of, but once I got here…everything clicked. Everything felt right. I could feel Master Cordova’s signature in the force. He might still be missing, but his presence is here if you know where to look. I could feel the planet itself urging me to reconnect with the force, taking me on a journey of self-discovery. Most of all, I could feel the long-forgotten memories of my childhood return.

“Bogano reminds me of the home I remember. Fields and marsh mud and soft wind…and nothing. So much nothing. So much death.”

Eddie felt a chill down his spine.

“Death? You feel…death here?” he asked, but she ignored it.

"One of the last things I remember, before the masters came, were letters. Paper letters. Electronics were shoddy at best, but the colony was safe enough for children to run around alone. My mother handed me a letter to take to my aunt who lived by Olaris Spaceport."

Eddie frowned.

Olaris...why was that familiar?

"You know why," Thalia responded, as if she could hear his thoughts.

"I'm gonna need you to stop doing that, sweetheart." He scoffed. "Or teach me how to stop you."

"We'll get to that," she said dismissively, then leaned closer and grabbed Eddie's hand. "You know why Olaris sounds familiar. Think about it. Really think. You know the answer."

Olaris. He let the word bounce around his thoughts for a moment. At first he could hear the echo in Thalia's voice.

It quickly changed to his uncle's, in the tone he used when he spun tales for Eddie's entertainment. Stories to get him to fall asleep on those long nights when he missed his parents.

The Sinking City. Olaris Spaceport. The Verdant Marshes.

Marsh mud and soft winds and death.

He looked down at his journal and muttered, "You're from Taris."

Thalia smiled sadly.

"Your uncle tells you a story and gives you a journal to write in. Paper to write on. Because of a half-destroyed planet where technology failed them. You write down all of your dreams, and one day those dreams take you halfway across the galaxy where you meet someone from that planet. Someone who tells you that...that you're something special. Something worth protecting. Something worth saving.”

"Bob said you'd done research on me," Eddie whispered.

"There are some things that you can't find out just by slicing, Eddie," she whispered back with a nervous smile. "I think...I think that's fate."

He pulled his hand away from hers and stood. He paced the length of the tent, mind racing as he tried to find some flaw in her story. Flaw in her logic. He pivoted to face her many times, only to keep pacing, unable to find some point to bring up.

"I didn't listen when you offered to bring me to Bogano. But you blew up my ship and brought me here anyway.” He pointed at her. "How is that fate? You forced me to come here."

"I didn't know the inquisitors were going to show up!" Thalia threw her hands in the air. "I was going to try one last ditch effort to get you to come, with the journal. But they beat me to it. Regardless of what I had planned—of what you had set your mind on—we ended up here."

"But you blew up my ship!"

"But I blew up your ship!" She got to her feet abruptly and closed the distance. She grabbed the lapels of his jacket to get him to stop pacing and shook him. "Do you want another apology? Or a smack in the face? I'm trying to ask you something important here, Eddie. I’m trying to ask if you want to learn the ways of the force.”

What?

“But you're too kriffing stubborn,” she continued, all the while still shaking him. “All roads led you here. To this minute. To this planet. To me. Whether you wanted it to or not."

"Fine!" he shouted at her.

"Fine! And you're here now."

"And I'm here!"

"So do you want me to teach you how to harness the Force? Or not? You big...scruffy...stupid...moof-milker!"

"Yes, I would like that a lot actually!"

"Gah!" She shoved him with all her might, sending him back a few steps. There was fire in her eyes as she seethed at him. It was funny. It was cute. "I knew you would say no! I hate you so much. You're such a little—"

"Thalia!" Eddie took a step towards her but she kept on yelling. "Thalia! I said yes!"

She went silent immediately, shoulders heaving as she caught her breath.

"You did?" she asked after a beat. She straightened her shoulders and ran a hand through her hair, trying to compose herself. "You did."

“Against my best judgement, yeah.” He huffed a bit of a laugh. “I guess I believe in fate after all.”

“Great.”

"Good."

"Good." She nodded and then headed out. "We'll get started in the morning then. Meet me at the edge of camp, by the vaporators, after breakfast."

And once she was gone, Eddie really let it all sink in. Let it all hit him.

What the hell had he just agreed to?

Eddie Moonsun and routines had, historically, never really gotten along.

He'd always been late for his classes at the Training Institute back on Bracca, rarely did his homework with any sort of timeliness. Once he was the Captain of his own ship, he knew not to delude himself into thinking he would grow up or take any more responsibility. He was going to be a great smuggler, sure, and his friends relied on his leadership to succeed, but that didn't mean he needed to wake up early every morning. Or adhere to any sort of schedule.

The only time that he could be considered reliable to stick to a schedule was when he promised to deliver something to a client on a certain date. That was just because money was involved.

So, it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone, least of all to Eddie, that he was hopeless when it came to the expectations of routines that Thalia set for him.

He was late to meet up with her after lunch. He and Benny had been discussing a plan to replace the Dragonborn when he realized. He'd run across camp, interrupting the small group of kids that Thalia guided through meditation.

Their eyes all popped open in unison, giggling at his flustered appearance. Hair disheveled, out of breath, cheeks flushed.

"Sorry, I thought it was just going to be the two of us, sweetheart," he apologized as Thalia pulled him aside.

"They need to learn the basics," she explained. "Grounding themselves, their abilities. Learning to control them. You...it's going to be a little different. You're older."

"I'm still a kid at heart."

She laughed. "Oh I don't doubt that.” 

Then she explained what it was she expected of their time training together:

Wake up, walk the perimeter of the camp—some kind of patrol perhaps?—breakfast, chores, lunch, meditation with the kids, dinner, then bed.

"What about fun?" he questioned when she told him.

"What about fun?" Her brows shot up in surprise.

"You didn't give us any time for...I don't know...playing sabacc or reading, or...anything!" He threw his arms up in the air. "What about lightsaber training?"

"What about lightsaber training?"

"Stop repeating what I say!"

"You're not going to start with a lightsaber." Thalia scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Younglings don't get a lightsaber for...a few years at least."

"What?" Eddie screeched. "I have to wait a few years?"

"If you even get one." Thalia grabbed him as he tried to walk away from her. He mumbled expletives under his breath. "You need to learn how to channel the force first. Then to control your abilities. Then we can talk about a lightsaber."

He looked over her shoulder at the group of kids, all sitting restlessly, and he wondered if they would get a lightsaber eventually. Or now. Would this be different if he'd been found at their age?

He let the thought roll around in his head for a second, let it simmer with the doubt inside of him. When he'd agreed to this, he supposed he'd gotten caught up in the novelty of it. Be taught the ways of a Jedi? Become a hero? Sure. That was an easy yes. But how could he be one? He was just...a scoundrel. A no one.

"What if you were wrong?" Eddie asked abruptly. "I...I don't have...I can't move things with a wave of my hand or feel any echoes. You said you had a list? What if...if my name was on it by mistake?"

"I'm not wrong," Thalia insisted.

"But what if?"

"I'm not," she repeated. "But if I am...well, we just have to find out in the first place, right?"

She gave him a knowing, smug look and waited for him to agree.

"I guess," he said reluctantly.

She took a step forward and took his hands in hers, then looked deep into his eyes with a sincerity he hadn't known in anyone outside of his uncle and his friends. It was shocking, especially coming from her.

"I believe in you, Eddie," she muttered gently. "I hope I can help you believe in yourself."

He didn't know how to respond. So he just nodded.

She stepped back, pulling him along with her. "We just have to start. So, let's go."

She led him over to the group and made him sit, legs crossed, amongst them.

Meditation was difficult.

Day after day, he simply sat there amongst the kids, waiting for something to happen. Anything. To the point where he was starting to get desperate.

He wasn't really sure what he should've been doing; he looked around at the others. Max's hands rested on her knees, Will kept his eyes closed, and El was practically buzzing with energy even though she herself remained perfectly still. The atoms around her shifted imperceptibly, or so it seemed.

But for Eddie? Nothing worked.

He couldn't stay still enough, keep his eyes closed for long enough, or stay in one position. There were too many noises, too many feelings, too many bodies near him.

And the frustration he felt over failing at the simplest activity led to more failure and discontent with everything else expected of him. He stayed up late every night with worry, slept in every morning, missed all of the one-on-one time that Thalia had planned. He grumped and groused, threw insults at everyone who could take it. It happened to the point where he'd even pissed Hop who was apparently El’s adoptive father. El, the so-called force protege.

He even began to annoy his friends.

"You're being a real piece of bantha shit, Ed," Jeff called him out when he'd grumbled through chores for the 3rd day in a row. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Eddie hissed.

D5-TN rolled by, honking and whistling in a way that almost sounded like Eddie's own grumbling. It earned laughs from the rest of the crew of the Dragonborn—former crew, that is—but Eddie simply kicked the back of Dustin's can-shaped body and stormed off.

He walked.

And walked.

And walked.

Past the edge of the camp, past the small body of murky water that he and Thalia were supposed to meet every morning but never did, past the series of machines and satellites that Bob had erected to pick up any stray comms.

Until he was well and truly alone for the first time in...well, had he ever been this alone?

Eddie observed his surroundings. The small outline of the camp from the direction that he came and, up ahead, a spire of stone cut through the burning, setting twin suns. He closed his eyes and savored the warmth of it on his face, smelled the sweet grasses and peaty soil around him. Little critters jumped and chittered around him—boglings—but it was generally peaceful. Quiet.

He let instinct control his body, let himself fall to the ground with his legs crossed and hands rested on his knees. He breathed deeply, tried to focus on...focus on nothing. Wasn't that what Thalia instructed them all to do?

Breathe deeply, clear their minds until they were the only ones there. Push out all of the distractions of the outside world, then they might find the light within them.

But what light was there in Eddie? He couldn't feel that within him. When he thought of the force, when he thought of the Jedi...he thought of the heroes of his childhood. He thought of the austere monks that could move things with their mind and preached peace and justice and balance. Even Thalia, the self-proclaimed not-Jedi, was surrounded by calm.

He was...he was chaos personified. He was wild and unpredictable. He was always looking for the next place. He was restless. He was less than. He could never be like that. Wise and powerful and serene. It was simply not him.

"Is that what you think about yourself?" Eddie's eyes popped open and shouted in surprise at Thalia's sudden interruption of his...well, it wasn't really meditation, was it? "Probably not," she answered his thoughts again.

"Stop that!" he growled at her.

"No," she scoffed and dropped to the ground before him, knees almost touching his. "It's fun to mess with you." He refused to look at her. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you didn't try and mess with me before either. I know you enjoyed it."

"I don't like having the privacy of my mind invaded," he spat at her.

"I'm not reading your thoughts, per se," she explained. "Some people can. But I'm simply feeling the way you interact with the world around you. And you were projecting a lot of...self-doubt."

"I told you I didn't think this force thing was for me," he snarked. "Of course I doubt myself."

She rolled her eyes.

"Why are you so hell-bent on this?" he questioned.

"Because you're barely even trying, and you're already quitting."

"I can't do what the others can. I can't even meditate."

"Everyone is different." She reached across and poked him, hard, in the chest. "Did I, or did I not make that clear when I explained that I wasn't given the opportunity to be a Jedi? I'm not a soldier. I couldn't...wave a lightsaber around and take a life. But that doesn't mean I couldn't do other things."

"Like what?" he scoffed. "Your little mind tricks. Your little force echoes. Your little...memory walks."

"Yes."

"How useful."

"It is useful. It's a gateway. It's how I found out how to do more, how to be more. How to redeem myself. How to be this. How to find you."

"And once again I say, I'm useless. I'm nothing."

Thalia sighed again, but closed her eyes this time.

"Listen, I'm no teacher," she began, but Eddie was quick to interrupt her.

"Well, don't look at me. I barely paid attention in class."

She ignored him and continued. "That doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you." Her eyes opened and stared deeply into his. "Those kids? They could be the next Jedi Order. They could be the ones that take down the empire, protect the galaxy. But doesn't that just put us right back where we started? A Jedi Order that doesn't care to do things the right way? One that values soldiers over...peace? I can't do that to them. I need to protect them from that.

"But you, Eddie...you're...nothing. You're a blank slate and a loose canon, and you don't fit in any one slot because you aren't meant to. If the Jedi didn't come and find you, it's because you didn't fit their mold. And that's a good thing. Maybe that's what we need right now to save the light that is left.

"A single spark of courage," she concluded, almost reciting some quote she knew from her past life. "Can ignite the fires of hope and restore peace across the galaxy. We are that spark. You are that spark."

His eyes darted between hers, a warm feeling building in his chest at her words.

"You know," he muttered. "You might find a career in motivational speeches since Star Tours isn't gonna end up working out for you."

Thalia snorted and gently pushed against his shoulder. Then she took his hands in hers and told him to match her breathing.

Breathe. In. Out. Breathe.

"The Jedi," Thalia explained as she wrapped a scrap of cloth around his head to cover his eyes, "were focused on these higher realms of thought. Find the light within and suddenly the whole universe opens up for them. One being dies and they become one with the force, part of a greater whole. Fulfill their destiny to strengthen the force. Which is true!

“But, it didn't ground them into reality. In fact, they were so focused on the rest of the force that they even went without themselves. They clung to their emptiness, convinced themselves it was superior. No emotions, no attachments. No fear, no love. And when it was time for them to face reality, they were unprepared to deal with the fall they took."

"I don't see why that means I need to keep my eyes closed, sweetheart," Eddie muttered as she tied the cloth tighter.

They stood at the edge of camp, late at night. Everyone else was asleep, even the droids, but they were wide awake and training. A small warming fire was glowing nearby, but they were almost entirely bathed in the darkness of night. The only other light they had was the star-filled sky above them.

It made the blindfold almost doubly-redundant.

"Because you're the opposite. You’re…unique. You’re you, and you feel so much. When you try to meditate, you can't stand the thought of finding the light within yourself." Eddie tried to protest but she stopped him. "And that's good, for what we want. It means you're inclined to the Living Force."

He could practically hear the unspoken like me in her voice.

"And what does that mean?"

"The Living Force is exactly what it sounds like. All things living. All life is unique and special and part of the greater whole already. We live our destiny. To live, before we become one with the force, is a gift.”

On and on she went, and he could feel her pacing around him; she explained everything she expected from him calmly and in great detail, but didn’t dumb it down or condescend to him at all.

They were all incredibly confusing concepts, and Eddie made a few self-deprecating jokes about thinking it was only as simple as sword fights and good vs evil. But Thalia was patient with him, and explained how the Living Force affected those things. It was eye-opening, pun intended, and it made him more eager and excited to finally find where his strengths in the force lay.

When she got to the end, she took one of his hands in hers and settled the other on her chest, right over her heart.

“What are you doing?” He tried to tug his hand away, to pull it to his own chest but she held it there steadily.

“These are the first steps,” she explained. “But we need to jumpstart your training. I had hoped getting you up early before the rest of camp was awake, you’d be able to feel the little changes in the world as everything came to life for the day—”

“I’m not a morning person.”

“—but you aren't a morning person so we need to try a different approach. This is it. We get you to recognize how the living force manifests in me, then we branch out to the rest of the camp. And eventually…eventually you’ll be able to find it within yourself too.”

“Again I ask, why the blindfold?”

“Your eyes can deceive you. Sight is both the strongest and weakest sense. You won’t truly feel what it is that you need to feel if you keep relying on what you see.”

“That…” Eddie let the thought mull around his head for a moment. “…makes sense.”

He could hear the smile in Thalia's voice when she said, “Glad you’re finally seeing things from my perspective."

"Don't expect it to happen again."

"Uh-huh. Now, I want you to feel. Feel the physical aspects of me as I stand here in front of you. With you. And then we can build from there.” She squeezed one hand, and then pressed the other hand further into her chest.

He took a deep breath. Once, twice. Tried to sync his breathing along with hers like they'd done the other day, so he could focus on what he felt.

The steadiness of her pulse beneath his fingers, the stitches of her jacket that indented into his palm, her unexpected calluses that brushed against the back of his hand. She was solid and real and tangible in his grasp. She felt like Thalia, which seemed a little obvious since she was Thalia...but there was just something intrinsic that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

It felt the way it did when he kissed her. Calm and bright. Quiet and powerful. Human. Alive. Here with him, here for him.

He'd been a little shit to her, but she had been there for him. He couldn't deny that. She was right, the small little things that connected them. Maybe it wasn't fate in the way that you would think of it, but she hadn't given up on him. Hadn't given up on trying to save him. And how many others could he confidently say had done that for him in his life?

She squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

And then his touch went through her. He reached into her.

She evaporated and he fell forward, stumbling ahead a few steps. He waved his arms frantically, trying to find her; he called her name but got no response.

Panic settled in, shortness of breath and the sudden urge to rip the blindfold off and run away. In fact, his hands had immediately went to his face, fingers gripping the cloth. But, for some reason, he stopped.

Calmness settled over him, deep breathing that wasn't his...but who did it belong to?

He tried calling for Thalia again, to no avail, and then he thought beyond her. Because he wasn't really alone. They were just at the edge of camp. He focused on the crackling of the fire and the distant beeps of machinery, then further beyond that. Dayv's snoring, G'areth farting, Benny checking readings in the cockpit of the Mantis before he went to sleep himself.

There were over a dozen consciousnesses in the depths of sleep; just out of reach, past the edge of his blindfold. He could feel them, practically see them. See their dreams. Nebulous clouds and colors of their minds, of their souls, floating and swirling in innocence and imagination. Pinpricks of light, like the millions of stars above him.

No, not just above him.

Every being in the camp...they were all made of starlight.

Then the stars began to converge, forming shapes around him in his sightless landscape. Until he could see again, see everything. The camp, the fire, the sky above and the planet below. All living creatures, not just the members of their ragtag little party, but the wild creatures that lived beyond the confines of their camp, too. He could even see the millions of electrical signals relaying on D5-TN's motherboard.

Was this it? Was this what Thalia felt? Saw? Was this what she was trying to get him to see too? Was this it? Was this the Living Force?

Was he doing it? He couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe that this was the Force, and that he was doing it...he did it. He had it.

It was overwhelming, and out of his control.

It was exhilarating.

Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled back and the weight of a hand settled back into his. He squeezed first this time, and she squeezed back. Without him taking his blindfold off, she began to take shape before him.

Gleaming and glowing, Thalia's luminous inner starlight formed her gentle smile and her wind-swept curls, the shape of her body and the depth of her soul. She burned and glowed brightly under his touch.

She was beautiful.

Then it was gone as she abruptly reached up and pulled the blindfold from his eyes. He blinked and found her there, tangible and whole and human, in the flesh before him. Even in the low light, he could see the blush that burned her cheeks.

"Alright." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "That's enough for tonight."

She tried to pull her hand away from his but he held fast.

"I did it," he whispered, tears building in the corners of his eyes. "I really...I did it." The defensiveness melted from her posture and she took a step closer, squeezing his hand once again.

"I told you that you could," she insisted. Pride was evident in her voice.

Eddie started rambling, relaying everything to her. The entire experience. He was full of wonder and disbelief as he spoke a mile-a-minute, fumbling over his own words like he couldn't tell her fast enough.

He paused to catch his breath and his eyes darted from her to the camp, then out into the wild and back. It wasn't as vivid as it had been as the blindfold was on, but he could still see the little remnants of energy that emanated from the world around them.

"I just..." He ran a hand into his hair and started laughing. "Is that...well, no wonder you keep reading my mind, sweetheart, if that's what you see all the time."

She let out a chuckle, and opened her mouth to say something. Eddie could sense the snark that was building in her chest, about to come from her lips.

But before the words could escape her, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to hers, arms circling her.

Thalia stiffened in his grasp again, and then settled against him. Unlike the reluctance she showed on Outpost 86, she accepted his embrace this time, accepted his kiss.

Their lips moved together and their hands softly explored of their own volition. The heat between them roared and crackled, like the warming fire beside them. It was hesitant and gentle, but still bright and burning.

He thought about other kisses he'd experienced in his life—shit, he could even sense the vestiges of Thalia's recollection of kisses she'd had in the past—and he decided that he liked that there was something different about this experience with her.

For the first time in his life, this kiss felt like hope.

Next Chapter: Episode 7 - The Force is With Me

The Tag List for Luminous Beings is currently open; please comment/ask/DM to be added.

[cowgremlin11]

*grabs you by the throat (/j)* give me as many Wild West facts physically possible, and also if you know any good websites/videos on The Wild West possibly pretty please blinks eyes 🥺🥺👉👈

this is gonna be a doozy welcome to my autism.

my area of expertise relates to southeastern wyoming btw kisses. this is going to be very long. starts out rambly and then i busted out my actual notes that ive been compiling. if you have specific areas you wanna know about feel free to ask i love using my major for this stuff :D

before the cut im gonna include my fav websites i reference (i dont do much video research sorry, im the bitch with a bookshelf full of heavily annotated books and a fat google doc file)

for fashion: https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search?geolocation=North+and+Central+America&era=A.D.+1800-1900&material=Costume&showOnly=withImage

for navajo info (you can look at my comic if you wanna know why i focused on this tribe specifically): https://www.navajo-nsn.gov/

for dialogue/slang: https://freepages.rootsweb.com/~poindexterfamily/genealogy/OldWestSlang.html

OK TIME TO RELEASE THE AUTISM

so there were reservations right. wanna know the events leading up to the battle of little bighorn? basically in the 1850s the sioux tribe, crow tribe, and northern arapaho tribe (roughly speaking, these are the tribes most mentioned from this time) were all forced to live in the same range of territory spanning northern wyoming, around the little bighorn river. there was the fort laramie treaty which ensured that the tribes in this area would be provided help for 30 years and that nonnative settlement wouldnt be allowed. well they found gold in the black hills about 20 years later and that went out the window. miners rushed the area for gold and forced the natives to move again. tensions rose, the treaty was ignored by all parties and only mentioned when convenient, and then the battle of little bighorn happened

TRAINS!!!!! TRAINSTRAINSTRAINS. fun fact train robberies were actually very common in the 1800s! jesse james (yes that one) committed the first one in iowa in 1873.

bank robberies were very rare! cus when you think about it, yeah ofc thats gonna be hard. its in the middle of town, its one entrance, and theres safes you gotta either crack in 10 seconds or blow with dynamite, risking the cash inside.

most other crimes include larceny, burglary, home robberies, horse robberies, stage coach robberies, cons, etc.

buffalo :( they were hunted for many reasons. 30 million to less than 100 in the span of about 30 years. they were hunted to piss off the native tribes, since buffalo were sacred to many and when the government had them killed theyd take the skin, the tongue, and leave the carcass to rot before retrieving the bones to ship back to the east for production of stuff like glue. but also, they would be hunted due to the way the buffalo impacted the railroad industry. theyd damage the rails, and in lines going through mountains theyd actually huddle up on the track because its instinctively the safest place to be. this would cause days long backups

last names had some cool stuff happening! after the civil war when slaves were freed, a great deal chose their own names. some chose names after national heros, some would take their parents name, and some would take the name of their old masters as a very intentional way to make sure they could never wipe their hands clean of the cruelty they committed to the enslaved. so yeah thats metal as hell. on a related note, “Historians estimate that 20–25% of cowboys in the American West were African American. They worked as ropers, trail cooks, wranglers, and bronco busters. African Americans learned the cowboy way of life from Mexican or Spanish cowboys, Native American cattle handlers, or their former slave masters. African Americans also contributed to the West as miners, homesteaders, town builders, and entrepreneurs.”

BRIEF ART HISTORY TIME. AKA MY FUCKING MAJOR.

In 1886, American art was influenced by French Impressionism, and American artists began to experiment with the style

Impressionism reflected a modern reality that could be troubling

Impressionist artists expertly depicted the alienation that this new Paris proffered. An unfortunate symptom of such modernity was the loss of an intimate, knowable community; now citizens were strangers in an anonymous crowd.

During the mid-1880s, as French Impressionism lost its radical edge, American collectors began to value the style, and more American artists began to experiment with it after absorbing academic fundamentals.

and now, for some stuff im pasting over from my fat google doc

Country Witchcraft, Wisdom, and Lore

“you can sleep with a skeleton key under your pillow to increase your chances of flight during sleep. you can wrap a horseshoe in white cloth and place it under your pillow to speak with the devil’s wife during your sleep. you can leave a glass of water out and ask your ancestors for visions during your sleep.” (Oberon, 15)

“folkloric witches don't use circles the way most wiccan folks do. circles do pop up in folklore but not too often. circles appear almost always when something is being conjured.” (oberon, 16)

“it was a brass screw in a gun that prevents a witch from placing a curse on the gun” (oberon, 18.)

“piss in a mason jar, throw in broken glass, mirrors, barbed wire, sulfer, and bullets. bury it somewhere on your property. if a spirit or spell comes looking for you they will mistake the urine for you and get caught in the bottle.” (oberon, 19)

fashion

the Victorian tradition of wearing mementos in honor of deceased loved ones. Many of these items included ashes placed into rings or necklaces made out of human hair. However, over time mourning jewelry evolved and became more of a fashion statement, even though most jewelry wearers lived on and continued to struggle with their grief.

the items weren’t just mementos to wear around one’s neck, but were something that you carried with you 24/7, no matter how much you may have hated it.

https://gemgeneve.com/the-necklace-from-antiquity-to-the-present/

Precursor of the Bulgari ones by far, one of the most typical examples is the serpent necklace paved with turquoise. In the 19th century, turquoise stands for “forget me not”, and the colour of the Forget Me Not flower is, precisely, turquoise. Therefore, the stone itself means “don’t forget me”. With the snake biting its tail being the symbol of eternity, this necklace is actually a love jewel. The message of these serpents is not at all about evil, but it is a love message: “Don’t forget me. Love me forever”. As the symbolism of forms and stones is deeper, wearers in the 19th century are much more aware of this particular message.

The necklace remains at the base of the neck, but what changes are the motifs and the materials. In the 1860s and 70s there comes to be a craze for archaeological revival jewellery and women go to wear ancient-looking jewellery. Archaeological revival necklaces were copies of genuine ancient pieces. Jewellers like Castellani try to reproduce not only the design but also the materials, and the techniques. Sometimes, these necklaces are close replicas. Some other times they are pastiches: they look like antique in style but are an invention of the late 19th century jewellers, as no such necklace would ever have been created in ancient times.

Materials become unusual: from little shells to tiger claws, for example: this was a consequence of improved travel, of tourism, and people going travelling and acquiring souvenir jewellery in exotic locations and bringing them back to Europe.

Dances/musicians

https://www.learn2dance4fun.com/dance-classes/country-dance-lessons/western-waltz-dance-lessons/

https://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/entries/babel-a-o

“In the Houston city directory of 1881 he went by the name Alexander O. Babel and continued to be the musical attraction at the Solo Saloon. The Galveston Daily News later commented in 1885: “Whether he played by note or not, he tossed from the keys of the grand piano that stood on a stage at the side of the large hall every variety and shade of music from the most delicate to the most sonorous tones.” Babel also gave concerts in other towns and church festivals in Texas.”

From playing piano in texas to mining in new mexico. Played in chicago, then new york, 

Lots of papers making him into a myth. Writer from texas saw this and disproved it. 

“Despite the disparaging remarks from some Texas periodicals, Babel created a sensation across the United States to the delight of audiences in Milwaukee, St. Louis, Atchison, New Orleans, Cincinnati, Chicago, New York, and Bangor. He was hailed as a piano master who played more than 1,200 songs and even performed at times with a cloth over the keys. The “Texas Wonder” played at dime museums, concert halls, theaters, and other venues and sometimes gave hourly recitals.”

“By 1887 advertisements included mention of his musical partner, Mattie Babel, dubbed the “cowgirl cornetist.” Most accounts called her Babel’s wife (though at least one newspaper referred to her as his sister). Given that no one named Mattie appeared among the Babel household in early censuses, Mattie Babel was probably A. O. Babel’s wife and possibly the same Emma Rumpel mentioned as the spouse of O. A. Babel in Houston.”

Babel and his wife Mattie continued to give performances well into the 1890s and toured Canada and Europe.

research i did for a specific character whos gonna show up in chapter 4:

Freed people established all-Black towns, such as Bookertee, Clearview, Lima, and Pleasant Valley. These towns provided a market for African-American farmers and a sense of community.

The discovery of gold in 1867 at South Pass drew many immigrants to western Wyoming.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_slavery_in_Oklahoma#:~:text=The%20history%20of%20slavery%20in,state%2C%20with%20prominent%20racial%20issues. 

https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9780203496756/slavery-cherokee-nation-patrick-neal-minges 

the Indian Removal Act was the reason for the movement of the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Choctaw, Creek, and Seminole to Oklahoma (not yet called that. With these nations moving to the west, they brought with them black people, including slaves. This was the beginning of slavery in the land of Oklahoma. 

When the Cherokees were relocating it was estimated that 10-15% of the nation were African Americans. This nation in particular brought not slaves, but freed blacks. This was one of the main reasons that they were forced out of their previous land. The nation had become a safe space for slaves to run away to and slave owners wanted to diminish that possibility for slaves in the south.

By 1866, the Cherokee Nation, once so proud, had been reduced to ruins

With the forced removal of the five nations into the land of Oklahoma throughout the course of time, slavery began and progressed in the Indian territory. Specifically, in the Choctaw and Chickasaw nations, slavery and the ownership of black people became common.

https://www.lib.utk.edu/cherokee/EvolutionCherokeePersonalNames.pdf

research i did for the chinese characters

1848: The California gold rush brought more Asians to the United States, especially Chinese people from the Guangdong region

The discovery of gold in 1867 at South Pass drew many immigrants to western Wyoming.

The Union Pacific Railroad's construction in the late 1860s brought settlers to Wyoming. The railroad created towns like Cheyenne, Laramie, and Rock Springs, and attracted cowboys and cattle drives.

The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 Many Americans on the West Coast attributed declining wages and economic ills to the Chinese workers who were only 0.002% of the population, Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act to placate worker demands and assuage concerns about maintaining white "racial purity." Repealed on December 17, 1943 

https://www.globaltimes.cn/content/565882.shtml 

During the 1850s, the first revolt of the Taiping Rebellion by the Hakka people took place in Guangdong. Because of direct contact with the West, Guangdong was the center of anti-Manchu and anti-imperialist activity. 

https://www.history.com/topics/immigration/asian-american-timeline 

https://www.history.com/topics/asian-history/taiping-rebellion 

In 1856, a second Opium War broke out with the west, continuing until 1861.

https://www.history.com/topics/19th-century/chinese-exclusion-act-1882

stuff for solveig

“The huge population growth between 1800 and 1900 led to overcrowding within the social structure of the day and was one contributing factor to the wave of emigrants leaving Norway for North-America.” 

“During the next centuries, much of the farmland was sold off to the previous leaseholders and became private property for the many. Owning your own land has been – and still is – an important part of the Norwegian identity.”

https://evergreenpost.eu/the-old-norwegian-farm-its-land-and-surroundings/ 

AND THATS ALL I CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF THAT I HAVE ACCESS TOO RIGHT NOW.... IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS OR WANNA KNOW ABT SPECIFIC STUFF TELL ME AND I CAN EASILY ANSWER THEM AND PROVIDE A GOOD DEAL OF INFO

[directdogman]

what was the thought process for making crown a president in the 1960s? it seems so recent in history for a world-changing event like the dialup..or were there events in actual history at that time which lined up with your ideas?

I began writing an answer to this question without considering what I was aiming to describe and wound up writing an essay much longer than this answer wound up being (I went back and checked! I went back to write this!) but I'm not a historian, just a two-bit game dev, so I rewrote this answer to be as concise as possible (while fully answering the question.) I have a tendency to ramble.

The 1960's was a weird decade. In terms of societal/cultural change, I'm not sure any one decade in American history has a greater shift. Vietnam was the first war the US fought and blatantly lost (and with significant civilian opposition during the war, something never seen before, with even wars with significant political opposition (eg Mexican-American + Spanish-American wars) still having the support of much of the American public.) The civil rights movement advanced considerably with the passing of the civil rights act of 1964 and voting rights act of 1965. The 50's had significant change too as I'll mention later, though these civil rights acts had support from congress, and from the political party that had opposed previous civil right advancement no less, leading to a gigantic voting demographics shift that has largely remained to this day.

The Cuban Missile Crisis happened, which is the closest the world has come to nuclear war, arguably. MLK and Malcolm X were both assassinated, alongside a sitting US president (in broad daylight.) When cultural leaders get shot, that's a sign that things are really heating up.

The 40's + 50's weren't actually great decades for American counterculture. The tireless work from civil rights activists during the 50's shouldn't be forgotten either ofc, with Brown vs the Board of Education, the Federal government enforcing the Supreme Court's ruling in Little Rock and the Montgomery bus boycotts, but generally, questioning American foreign policy and criticism of capitalism were treated with ruthlessness - civilians were brought before HUAC and actors theorized of having communist sympathies blacklisted by the Screen Actor's Guild (whose head was none other than a young President Ronald Reagan.)

Not only did this keep 'Unamerican' perspectives out of the American media, but America also spent an impressive amount of money on war propaganda in the 40's (with even heavy-hitters like Disney pumping out cartoons to increase public support for the war), making US patriotism very popular before the 50's, which only became further cemented with McCarthyism taking hold by the early 50's. "Under God" was added to the PoA and references to God was added onto the American dollar to further separate US culture from atheistic marxist-leninist cultures like the Soviet Union.

While the 50's saw certain socioeconomic advances, it was also a time of cultural/political regression... followed by a time of mass political unrest/revolution. Think of the 1920's compared to the 1930's, say. This kind of political shift makes for the perfect petri-dish to produce powerful demagogues.

The early 60's is a really weird time because it's perfectly cemented between the dissolution of McCarthyism and the complete reorganization of the American political establishment, including counter-cultural ideas gaining mainstream appeal. Any earlier or later, and Crown's ideas probably wouldn't have had the same momentum. If Crown had ran for office any later, he'd have stopped much sooner, imo. Part of Crown's rise was down to how much his enemies underestimated how large his movement would become and how sweeping his brand of populism would be (with even people like Norm getting swept up in it.)

TL;DR: The early 60's was the perfect period of time for a man like Crown to gain a foothold in mainstream culture without his enemies realizing just how dangerous he was to them... by 1964, they understood all too well.

[nekoprankster218]

Skyrim: They Came From Beyond

Huh. Could've sworn there was a Microsoft Word file on this, but apparently not. My oldest file is a Google Doc from 2020.

This ones a Halo x Skyrim crossover and it... it's a big project. So many moving parts. So many OCs and storylines.

One of the neater parts about it is that I used to record modded Skyrim playthroughs as reference material; unfortunately due to a mixture of losing the save files and access to my editing software, I likely won't be continuing with that method.

IIRC it was partially inspired by an older, unfinished Halo x Skyrim crossover on FF.net where the Arbiter became the Dragonborn and had a romance with Lydia, while Master Chief had a subplot doing the vampire DLC? In this one, though, the Dragonborn is her own character and while the Chief still does vampire stuff, it was because I realized the blood superstition of the Sangheili would make him the only candidate.

But anyway, the premise is that 4-player Halo 3 is canon and due to canon divergence, the entirety of the Forward Unto Dawn didn't make it to Earth and instead was zapped to Skyrim. While all four of them take part in the early parts of the main story, they soon split up to cover different areas of Skyrim: Thel tagging along with the Dragonborn that he has a slowburn romance with, Usze going to the College of Winterhold (for intel-gathering and training reasons) with an OC he becomes friends with, N'tho training with the Companions alongside another OC he gets a bromance with, and the Chief & Cortana (& an ofc another OC) going to fight vampires because the rumors freak the other three out. Later on when they regroup and go to Solstheim for the DLC there, two more groups from Halo arrive in Skyrim: UNSC marines led by the still-alive Johnson and Miranda Keyes that get swept up in the Civil War and some OC Kig-yar pirates & their Huragok that join some OCs for the Thieves Guild and Dark Brotherhood stuff. And then after one final battle between the good guy Halos & OCs vs the bad guy ones, a chunk of them finally get brought back to the Halo universe to interrupt the Hunters in the Dark plotline, which now has Rtas and Shadow of Intent. Unfortunately this was conceptualized before I read the Ace of Spades books so Guilty Spark is still evil and idk how to replace him without breaking the story.

I won't get too into the OC content because it's even more than The Many Stories verse and I imagine not all of them would be interesting, but some highlights:

Yazuga the Small: She's an orc that is actually very sweet and stealthy. She's like Scorpa - she's on the bad guy side, but not really a bad guy. She, the modded companion Inigo, and the Huragok OC switch sides eventually.

Rinye Mithriil: Altmer, and imagine Catra mixed with Cinder Fall. She lived in Helgen and was there when the Skyrim story kicked off, and later becomes a big bad because she gets too power-hungry and into manipulation. She's the type of person to kill all three hostages during the Dark Brotherhood start. She actually gets killed by her own ally Yazuga after the orc finally realizes all the manipulation she has been put through.

Endless Seaker: The Kig-yar ship. I'm just mentioning it because Touhou Eurobeat references.

UNSC Break the Chain: The UNSC ship Miranda Keyes commands during the story. Also a Touhou Eurobeat reference.

Highlights in regards to notes and plots:

Miranda is alive. In this AU, Truth knocked her out rather than kill her, inspired by a comment who called it out of character for him to outright kill her.

Her and Johnson's survival is part of the reason the first group get thrown into Skyrim. Due to Johnson leaving with Miranda and N'tho & Usze being the back-up for the climax, Johnson's warthog isn't there and they have to sprint to the mongooses at the first checkpoint. This delays them enough that Forward Unto Dawn is taken to Skyrim in its entirety, rather than the top half making it back to Earth.

I haven't written as many notes as to what's happening with the galaxy with Thel not having returned from the Ark (which is honestly a neat thought experiment outside of the context of Skyrim crossover fanfiction ngl), but I imagine the human-Sangheili alliance isn't as tight as it would've been and Rtas has become more of a leader for the Sangheili beyond Shadow of Intent. Oh, I did find something saying "the Swords of Sanghelios doesn't exist".

The title of the bad guys POV story is "They Came to Do Crimes".

There's a prophecy that 13 Halo canon & OC characters are gonna defeat three evils, but nobody knows who the 13 champions are and there are certainly more than 13 of them operating in Skyrim, both good and evil. One of the twists is that the Gravemind is simultaneously one of the three evils and the 13th champion. Another twist is that the prophecy didn't necessarily call for them to work together, and the first two evils are defeated just because their actions independent of each other resulted in it.

I honestly had less notes than I thought?? I thought certain things were more fleshed out than they were?? Worried that some of it is stuck in modded Skyrim footage and not actually written down.

Decided to scan through what I already wrote and while it definitely needs to be rewritten, especially because of a better understanding of characterization, there are some gems:

Thel at the end of Halo 3, which could honestly work outside of this fic:

It’s finished. Just forming those words in his head lifted a thousand weights off his shoulders. Halo was finished. The Covenant was finished. The Flood was finished. Every major plague to the galaxy had been ended in just one day. Because of them. One Spartan, a human army, and a make-do fleet of rebels. Thel closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. He wasn’t home yet, sure, but he was confident in their streak of recent luck. He would give himself the sleep he had denied his body and mind for far too long. And when he’d open his eyes again… We will be home.

Thel after meeting a dragon:

When he finally felt safe, Thel breathed a sigh of relief. Humans, Covenant, Flood...now foreign affairs and ungodly beasts. What god out there have I offended so greatly?

Yori the future Dragonborn:

However, these strangers...just thinking back to how they reacted to Frostbite spiders and magic, she knew they were well underprepared for anything else Tamriel could throw at them. They were excellent fighters, she’d give them that. But without knowing what to expect, they’d be vulnerable. Not to mention the reactions they got out of people before. They might just be fired at on sight if they approached civilization. Guess I’m going to have to play babysitter, huh? Yori thought to herself. Well...travel companions are always useful...

Thel thinks of home:

“Let’s try to not cross paths with Stormcloaks, either.” Cortana added to the warning. “Now’s not a good time to get wrapped up in politics - least of all in unknown territory.” I am already dreading returning home to a political nightmare. Thel agreed silently, and he assumed the other three did as well.

a scene about an in-game book, feat Thel being unamused and justification for future punching actions:

"I noticed this and thought it would be useful," he explained. A Gentleman's Guide to Whiterun was the title. "Well, this method is embarrassing but...it's what we'll have to work with," Cortana said in his ear. "Can one of you flip through the pages for me while I scan the words? I'll be fast, so you don't really have to read it yourself." Opening the book, Thel skimmed the opening paragraph in his head. "Welcome, good sir, to this indispensable guide. Within these pages, I, your humble author and guide, will describe to you the great city of Whiterun, the Jewel of the North." The way the sentences were crafted gave Thel a bad feeling about the attitude of this writer; but as he did not know how long Yori and Chief would take at the shop, it seemed like he had some time to kill, so... "Oh god...this 'guide'...it hurts to read this. Nobody else wrote a better guide than this guy?" When he reached the end of the fourth page - "Saadia, the barmaid, is an exotic Redguard beauty. She is quite mysterious, and your humble author is determined it learn her secrets." - Thel realized what Cortana was talking about. He really did not need to know this much about the city. The next two pages had the worst distraction yet: "Outside the Bannered Mare is a modest marketplace, and here is where I found true love. Thought I would never deter a fellow hunting hound from the chase - for indeed, why should I author these tomes, if not to provide guidance in this very matter? - I must ask that you do me this one kindness. Her name is Carlotta Valentia, and she is a magnificent beauty who makes a modest living selling bread and produce in the daylight hours. By the gods, I will make that feisty beauty mine someday!" Thel closed the guide, admittedly having learned a good deal about the city after the author stopped rambling about "his love", but still wishing he had rather stumbled around Whiterun having to learn all of this himself instead of finding this book. How long ago was this penned? Could the people mentioned, as well as the author, still be alive and residing in Whiterun? If he ever heard the name "Carlotta Valentina", he might just cringe and be unable to look her in the eye because of this... "Boys. Do me a favor, since I'm stuck inside a data crystal." There was a beat. "If you ever find who wrote this guide - punch them for me." The other two Sangheili in the room - having not yet had the Gentleman's Guide grace them - looked at the air in confusion. He could only imagine what Chief looked like in the shop, having Cortana suddenly say that to him.

the gag returns:

It was then that Thel realized he had forgotten to put the book in his bag, as Yori noticed it and asked to see it. "I would...skip the first few pages." Yori looked at him oddly as the book passed hands, but shrugged as she put it into one of her packs.

All in all... pretty self-indulgent, but something I hope to eventually finally get back to. Honestly yapping about it almost made me tempted... but I got other projects as 2025 New Years resolutions to get through first, and this will require extensive recovery work to make it viable again (lots more pre-planning than I originally did, scrounging up sources, potentially deep-diving into the recorded files, and rewriting everything so far, maybe even AO3 work skin lessons to fix some of the formatting presentation_.

[a-libra-writes]

Quick question, but where would you suggest to start researching? I’ve never really done it before, but I want to, but I’m worried I wouldn’t get a reliable resource and only realize it later. Any suggestions?

So Im gonna guess this is gonna refer to historical events and such (bc I mentioned that), BUT I think it can be applied to most research? This is how I go about it!

First, wikipedia article! Obviously they have the sources that you can dig through, but I use it to skim over the general idea (like if it's a war or a type of fashion), and make notes on what I want to focus on. Earlier I was researching how the Ottoman Empire was split up by France and Britain after WWI, and the interesting/turbulent decades of Syria as an independent state following the fall - that's A LOT of complicated shit to go through. So, from there I make a list of what's most interesting to me.

(This may be tough depending on how broad your subject is! "American Civil War" is really broad so maybe pick a very specific aspect that's interesting you the most. The battles? How a specific part of the US was affected? The history of black Northern soldiers vs Southern soldiers? etc etc)

Narrow it down - from "History of the Ottoman Empire", focus on "Post-WW1 Fall of Ottoman Empire and Creation of Turkey" and then what events, documents and people were important to that? Pick like two from each category. More examples - I love queer history, but maybe I want to focus on Queer terminology from 1920-1960. Narrow it down further - "Queer Slang from the 1920s", "History of Queer Clubs In the 1920s", "History of Queer Clubs in Harlem in the 1920s", "and so forth.

I google and use credited websites; it's great when you find the website of a museum that specializes in that or a special article put out. Sometimes what I need is so specific that I'm digging through any link I can find. Again, that gives me more details, but like you said, is it reliable? And even if these articles or websites can get detailed, it may not be exactly what you want.

So! Depending on how deep you wanna get. I love love love non-fiction and if I'm really passionate about the subject, I look into non-fiction books that audible or my library might have. Audiobooks work best for me personally. Auto-biographies are fantastic as well. And if the book has several revised editions, you can be sure it's regularly updated and accurate (usually), as well as check for reviews on the accuracy of the book and author.

Also, documentaries! I went on a kick about the rise of nursing as a proper profession in France from 1900-1950 - very specific! - and Netflix actually had a French-made documentary with english subtitles about it. So interesting! You can find documentaries online and on Youtube. Sometimes Youtube has really interesting videos, and if you're lucky you can get a deep-dive on your chosen subject... but most of the time it's just a 10~20 minute overview video (avoid the videos that are like, "History of This Complex Historical Event or History of X Country in 1-3 Minutes", just. Trash.) Sometimes I get a video that a museum made; they aren't the best production quality but you can tell they're very passionate.

Oh! And ofc Im focusing on historical things, but I also looove to research fashion for specific decades in the US. That's fun because there's quite a few websites where you can get lots of photos of what every day people wore, what was high fashion, esp if it's after the 1900s! Vintage Dancer is one of my favorite websites for the sheer detail of 1920s fashion, with descriptions and photographs.

By this point you probably have a lot of notes and things to cross-reference! So if you get a feeling that something may not be correct or biased, ideally you'll have multiple sources (docs, videos, books) etc to pull from. Again when I'm very serious about a subject I really prefer non-fiction books because they're (supposed to be) rigorously researched and the authors typically spent years on them. I think Youtube and Wikipedia is like your start, documentaries and specific websites/blogs are the middle, and tons of non-fiction or going out to do your own research (look for local museums, ask librarians, etc) is getting deeeeep in that rabbit hole! It's all so interesting and very very fun and just. Gah. I love how terrible and fascinating history is.

[mamelukeraza]

maximilian of mexico doodles :D

so probably almost none of you know who tf this guy is (and its fair! bc he's not part of the napoleonic wars), but as a mexican person I do! Brief context, he was Emperor of México! (1864-1867). Ferdinand Maximilian Josef Maria von Habsburg-Lothringen, younger brother of Emperor Franz Joseph I of Austria was placed as Emperor of the Second Mexican Empire by Napoleon III in the French Intervention in México, and despite the fact that it happened because Napoleon III tricked him into coming here (he falsified voting records that "proved" that the Mexican people wanted him as emperor, when in reality, México had been in civil war for some years and still were, so it was all a chaos), the love that Maximilian felt for "his new homeland", as he called México in his last words, was true.

today is his bday! made lots of doodles of him. i would talk a lot more ab his bubbly and sweet (but naive) personality and why i draw him as a fucking big bear but i actually don't think anyone would be that interested, and it's okay! I hope to be posting napoleonic-wars related stuff soon

first, a reference of him, ofc

maximilian!... and batman?

older and younger maximilian

And that's it! Thank you for reading!

[bbyboybucket]

I think it’s hilarious that I had no clue that Bucky existed till last year and y’all should hear the story of my mcu perspective before I watched TFATWS. Bc basically I was a casual MCU fan before Disney+ bc I was a child for most of its history so I didn’t always have a ride to the theatre or money to pay to see the shit. So I’d only seen some of the movies, but I loved all of em that I did watch. But like I literally didnt know shit about shit. I literally just filled in the blanks with what seemed the most logical in my head. And ofc after watching WandaVision and Loki, I was like “okay I’m gonna start watching all the new stuff that comes out” so I naturally planned to watch TFATWS next.

But the thing was, I had no idea wtf that was gonna be about, I had no idea who the fuck Falcon or the Winter Soldier was. So I had to google “what to watch before watching TFATWS” and ofc it was all the cap movies etc. And for reference, I had already watched Endgame at least 3 times at this point. I fucking loved Endgame, still do, but I absolutely do not remember Bucky being in it for those first 3 watches. Like it’s basically my own personal Mandela effect. Bc I literally remember only Sam and Bruce being there when Steve returned the stones. And I remember my reaction to that seen being three things: “He looks like Joe Biden” “Aw cute, the guy from ant man is gonna be Captain America now, okay yeah he’s cool.” and “Aw Steve got to be with his old girlfriend”. That’s dead ass it. I don’t remember bein like “who is this greasy ass man??” Bc usually when I don’t know a character I question it but he was apparently just invisible to me.

So anyways, when it came to catching up to understand TFATWS. I was like okay, I already watched CA:TFA when I was a kid. And what I remembered from that was: science stuff happened, Steve fell in love with Peggy, and he got frozen. That’s literally it but I thought that was the gist of the movie so I was like “okay I’m just gonna watch CA:TWS.”

So when it gets to the memorial scene in the Smithsonian and Steve is all sad about Bucky, I literally was so fucking annoyed, I was not having having it. I literally was like “uhhhh do they expect me to know who tf that is??” And they just bringing him up and I was like “who the hell is Bucky?” (literally, I was sayin that before he did) “Why are they trying to bring this random ass dude in and expect us to give a fuck about him? Idc that his random ass irrelevant ass friend we never seen is dead shut up.” So then the whole mask off thing happens and Steve is like “Bucky? 😧” and I was like 😧😧😧😧 And then he’s all posin and shit and I was like “wait a minuteeeee I think this is that dude I saw on tiktok once, yeah, he is kinda hot I see why they might like him”

Also think it’s worth mentioning that Sam came up in that first scene and I was like “ANT MAN GUY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩”. I was stanning him. Did I know his name? No. Did I know what he did? No. But he was funny in Ant Man so I was like “YAYYYY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩.”

But anyways, then the movie kept goin on and I was like “maybe this bucky dude isn’t random” so I googled it and realized I needed to rewatch TFA bc that man was apparently in it, so I did and I was like ohhhhhh. Then I was like “damn that’s kinda sad” when I thought about how the two movies played out.

So after finishing the TFA, I skipped civil war bc I didn’t think I needed it. So I went straight to TFATWS. And I was definitely confused in some parts, but literally by the end of the first episode I was like “okay I think I love this Bucky guy now”. And then I got obsessed and here we are now. But yeah I think it’s funny bc I was so confused about so much.

[lovelessdagger]

Starlight - Chapter Three: Kings of Coruscant

Pairing: Din Djarin x OC, Din Djarin x OFC

Rating: Mature

Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut

Warnings: Explicit Language, Drug References, References to Sex

Words: 3053

Summary: “I have a certain draw for shiny things. And you’re the brightest in this slumhole, how can you expect me to stay away?”

“Should I consider that flattery?”

“Consider it intrigue.”

Read the Chapter Two Here

Starlight Masterlist Here

Read on AO3 Here

The death of Emperor Palpatine was marked by celebration across the galaxy. It was an end to ruthless dictatorship, genocide, and fear. In spite of being the Imperial Center, Coruscant was no better than the rest in their cheer. Gatherings in the streets in cause of celebration, the which evolved into bloody massacres of hundreds, which evolved soon into war. 

Four years after the end of civil war, the city of a planet has yet to defeat its past. The presence of the New Republic evolved the planet further into a police state. Surveillance for Imperial sympathizers or potential terrorists overrun the streets. Chain code inspections happen at random, tunnel entries into the underworld are stopped by interrogation, exiting said tunnels prove harder.

Impossible even.

The horrors of Coruscant’s underworld came to be as a direct result the Old Republics ignorance and arrogance towards the impoverished and the nonhuman. Rapid population increase demanded layer upon layer to be built on top of one another until the literal heavens were reached 5127 levels above ground.

The undercity is of the less fortunate when it comes to being touched by the gods. The citizens forgotten by government, tossed aside to rot and wither away. Devoid of sunlight, the only brightness comes from flashing neon signs and busted streetlights.

Cracked pavement supports the Mandalorian’s footsteps. Littered trash and spilt liquid too dry to distinguish from blood paint the streets of level 2685. Rats scurry out of the light as he walks. Mando’s own filtration system can hardly keep out the foul stench of the streets. 

Wrappers crinkle under his boots while his hand keeps steady on his blaster. The streets are moderately empty, sunset fast approaching above. Gangs and dealings will soon be public, and the underworld will come to life with sex and spice trades and the horrors of humanity. Those who choose to be out now keep a watchful eye on Mando, echoes of hushed gossip among the smog. Some hide behind cargo crates and others manage a few steps towards him before turning away.

He is the embodiment of their fears and greatest desires.

A shot fires from above, hitting his right shoulder. The surrounding crowd runs away in dispersed screams. In their absence, a deafening silence. He whips out his blaster, aiming it in the general direction of the fire.

On the rooftop of a small bar, a familiar figure steps out from behind a neon sign. Red lighting creates a silhouette. “Are you following me Mandalorian?” The assassin from Tatooine. A slow drawl is in her voice, now modulated, seductive and deep.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Mando responds. He keeps his blaster level to the girl. “There’s better ways to get my attention than shooting at me.”

“Maybe.” She shrugs, stepping to the edge of the rooftop. “But where’s the fun in that?” She jumps down atop a dumpster, then the ground. “I have a certain draw for shiny things. And you’re the brightest in this slumhole, how can you expect me to stay away?”

“Should I consider that flattery?”

“Consider it intrigue.”

His beskar reflects the flashing multicolors surrounding them. A light show of pinks and greens, blues and reds. She’s his shadow in comparison, cloaked in total darkness.

“You fucked with my bounty,” Mando says, holstering his gun.

“I completed my mission. You’re sloppy.”

“I beat you. You had no right to him.”

“I beat you first, you cheated.”

“Didn’t take you as the type to care for rules.” A foot of space separates their bodies. He’s bent down slightly and she glares at him, arms crossed over her chest. Her brown eyes glint black with golden reflections, sharpened in her own dissatisfaction. 

“I wouldn’t have found your ship if I did.”

“So you take out your anger on a man trapped in carbonite?” He mocks her pride, calling her to temptation. “Too scared you’ll lose again?”

Her eyes rake over his metal clad body, landing on the black of his visor. “You don’t scare me.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Asking for a round two?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Mando asks.

She scoffs a laugh. “No need to be jealous I didn’t go after you instead. We can settle this right now if that’s what you want.”

Mando raises a brow beneath his helmet, and he smirks. In truth, his reputation precedes him along the outer rim. Challengers grow few and far between, those he deemed worthy of his attention—in his own arrogance—in greater rarity. 

She impressed him enough in their little spat on Tatooine, skill and flexibility far outweighing any others he had battled. Not enough to do any true damage of course, but she fueled a part inside of him long taken by drought. He supposed, she must have similar feelings towards him, her words rattling inside his mind. Not bad. Not great, nothing shocking, but clearly something to cause a stir of attention.

“You won’t kill me.” A vibroblade presses against his throat before his words finish.

“Wanna bet?” The humming knife filled the space between their words, its soft blue hue incandescent. The Mandalorian stares down at her, his sigh laced with amusement and pity. Nothing greater could be formed when she had to raise herself on her toes to meet him. He wraps a hand around her waist, another around her hand, holding her steady. 

“If you wanted me dead you would have done it already,” he says cooly.

Neither makes a move to dispel their positioning. The assassin raised on the balls of her feet, hood cascading shadows over her dark eyes. Mando, entirely too close for being the one held at knife’s edge; holds his attempted killer as if they were lovers, playing pretend in the surroundings of filth and poverty. 

In their silence they stare at one another, a sickening sense of familiarity. They stand under a busted streetlight, flies buzz in harmony, a sludge of trash around their feet. The entire scene is a tragedy. 

A terribly ugly heartbreaking tragedy.

When the light above them flickers he’s convinced the galaxy holds a personal vendetta against him. It mocks him, and his hope, his wants and fears. Any dream he may have had in his damned life.

It’s nothing but a joke.

Still, there’s a rare glimmer in her eyes he can’t quite place.

She steps back when the lights reignite, landing on the soles of her leather boots. Pocketing his knife in her waistband, she coughs. “Whatever you say Shiny,” she mutters. “Let’s go, you’re expected in one piece and you’re wasting my time.”

“I’m the one wasting time?”

“Yes,” she’s curt in her response, taking steps away from him. “Neri’Kelli doesn’t like to be kept waiting, and you need to find those other Mandalorians don’t you?”

---

The entrance of Club Kasakar is preceded by a line spanning half the street, wrapping the corner twice over. The lack of sunlight meant time bore no importance to them. Above senators are preparing to leave their jobs. To go home to their completely uninteresting and unimportant lives filled with adultery and politics. Meanwhile, the underworld comes to life. 

A pounding bass rattles the building. Conversations from groupies and addicts outside range from the latest spice usage to what would be made for dinner. A conglomeration of despair. 

They cut the line to groans and slurred complaints. She pays them no mind. The bouncer, a Trandoshan who stands a whole foot above Mando, towers over the pair. His arms are crossed and his grey scales are littered with scars. 

“Sully,” she greets. 

In Dosh, Sully speaks, it’s something Mando can’t all together understand but it makes her snort. So it must be about him. “Small,” he says to Mando. His clawed finger flicks his helmet. “Beskar?” He looks to her, a wicked grin on pointed teeth. “You fucked up big didn’t you?”

“Are you going to let us in or not?”

“That depends, can I get your room when you’re killed?”

“The one here?” He grunts and nods. “Fine.”

“Bring me a shot while you’re in there. The new girl is shit.”

She commits the closest thing to a laugh Mando suspects she’s capable of, stepping under the velvet barrier. “It’s too bad the last one had an accident.”

The entrance of the club is a tight hallway, barely wide enough for the pair to walk through. Dimly lit, it’s crowded with couples kissing, groping, fucking along walls. A distinct smell of booze and sex strengthens the deeper they go.

“You live here?” Mando asks.

“No,” she answers. “I’ve just got a room.”

The club is packed to the brim, not an inch of space isn’t overtaken by dancing feet or drinks. Twi’leks dance half naked on small stages scattered across the room. She forces her way through until the crowd parts for her. An empty path leading to the back, a stage guarded by four other Trandoshans.

Mando considers the possibility of it being a family business.

Lights turn the Mandalorian into a fucking disco ball with the reflection of his armor. Music is offensively loud, for once he can’t hear himself think, never mind whatever she’s saying ahead of him. 

Hands find their way across his body, clamoring onto him in desperation of sex. Humanoid men and women attempting to pull him into their need. Over the music they shout their questions and fantasies, most involving keeping the armor on. He shoves them off the best he can but they devour him. It would be funny if he hadn’t somewhere to be, it would have been fun if he wasn’t painfully sober and terribly disillusioned by it all.

Maybe during his before, he would have enjoyed this more.

He loses sight of her in their selfishness.

It feels like seconds and also hours until she notices his absence. Her eyes are slightly crinkled at the corners, laughing at his misfortune.

“Having fun?” She shouts, voice barely passing through the music. 

“Not entirely!”

“I told you, you’re the brightest thing here. The monsters are hungry.” She pulls the first girl off by the back of her dress and she falls to the ground. To the rest, she extends her blaster. They disperse as quickly as they came. She grabs his hand, pulling him out of the crowd and no one dares to go near. 

Strobe lights accompany a new song, flickering them in and out of darkness in their walk.

He thinks himself cursed.

The guards step aside for her, some even bow their heads as if she’s royalty. Mando’s eyes roll. Core worlds are nothing if not dramatic. The parting in their wall reveals a blue Twi’lek, older, larger than most he’s seen before. 

He wears a black pinstriped suit, jacket dropped behind him and shirt unbuttoned to reveal a multitude of scars across his toned chest. His lekkus fall long just to his waist, covered in black tribal tattooing. One tail significantly shorter than the other, the tip disfigured to a nub.

His face is covered in a wall of smoke, only in its absence does Mando notice the scar trailing over the left side of it. Mando looks to the girl, surely she couldn’t have caused his disfigurement. Then again… she had been quick to slash his own arm. 

He stops whatever conversation he’s having with the beautiful women surrounding him, staring at her. His grin haunted, torturously he cackles, throwing his head back. Strobe lights cut out every other movement.

She doesn’t move, speak… maybe she doesn’t breathe. She stands, allowing him berate her with his unending laughter. The other girls surrounding fall into terrified silence. He laughs and laughs and laughs as if her presence alone is the biggest joke in the galaxy.

And then, he stops.

“You’re late,” he says, his voice taunting and coarse. Rough from either a lifetime of screaming or a lifetime of smoke. More than likely both.

“You’re a cunt Neri,” she responds, monotone.

And the Twi’lek laughs again. Fully.

They both must be insane.

He does nothing to acknowledge Mando, instead waving a slow beckoning hand to her. She steps on the elevated platform and wordlessly the other girls stand one by one, leaving in a line to the bar. 

“Ayy'Numa, my Empress,” Neri says, honeyed. He grabs her hand, kissing the back of it. Mando tests the name on his tongue. Ayy’Numa. “I missed you.”

“Sully says you shot Hendrix.”

“I did.”

“I was gone for ten minutes.”

“I got bored.”

She drapes herself over the back of the plush leather couch. “I brought you a guest,” she says, propping herself up on her elbows.  “It’s rude to not say hello.” Her hood manages to fall slightly, a curl of black hair escaping.

Next to Mando a guard nods in their direction, prompting him to step up. It’s all far too cordial and pompous for his liking. They were all criminals in one way or another, how could they dare distinguish themselves as gods when they’ve committed the greatest sins.

“This is the Mandalorian?” Neri asks, unimpressed. To Ayy'Numa’s nod he downs the remainder of his drink, tilting his head.

Mando can’t make out whether he’s confused or offended. Or an embarrassing mixture of both. He’s never been one to care for public opinion of course, much less some gangster who’s decidedly had one too many death sticks in his life. 

Still, there’s something uniquely humiliating about his specific judgement.

“I thought all the Mandalorians were slaughtered by the Empire,” Neri says, looking to her.

She shrugs. “There’s been new trend since the Empire collapsed. Everyone is rising from the dead.” 

He snorts. “You would know.” Neri turns to Mando, golden eyes examining every part of him. “Take a seat,” he says. Across from him, Mando sits upright, rigid. “Beskar,” he notes, clicking his tongue. “What do you want?”

“I was told you could help me find more of my kind,” Mando says, his vision focuses on Ayy'Numa. An arm is draped over her eyes and her foot absentmindedly taps to the beat of the song.

“I haven’t seen a Mandalorian in years.” Neri shakes his head.

“You don’t have to see them to know where they are.” 

“You’re smarter than I was told,” Neri chuckles. “Still pretty fucking stupid though.”

A blaster is pressed right to the back of his neck, uncovered by the lack of cape. So this was his punishment for hope. Fitting. On his arm, whistling birds activate in preparation.

“You honestly think I’m willing to help you?” Neri cackles, he leans forward, arms resting on his knees. “First you fuck with my girl, you steal her target, and then what? You come into my fucking planet, dressed like a goddamn king, asking for my help? You should know better than that Mandalorian.”

Mentally, Mando weighs his odds. Four Trandoshans, one with a gun to his head, a psychotic Twi’lek, and an assassin who he’s half convinced is asleep right now. There are twelve bullets in his gauntlet. All he needs to do is set his attack off before the blaster fires.

Then what?

The biggest crime lord in the galaxy is dead, he’s without a new lead, and presumably several hundred hits on his head.

Dying wasn’t necessarily on his to do list for the day either though.

“Sounds to me like you need to hire better help,” Mando says, cool and steady.

A flash of amusement twinkles in Neri’s eyes, a half crooked smile forms on his lips. Ayy'Numa goes as far as moving her arm away from her eyes, glaring at Mando. 

“You’re right,” Neri says. All guns point to her now, including Neri’s own, pressed harshly against her temple.

Shit.

He doesn’t like the girl, truly he doesn’t. She’s arrogant and rude, she’s nearly killed him once—which already is more times than Mando would prefer—but she doesn’t deserve to die. Not like this anyways.

“I like him,” Neri continues. He traces the blaster around her covered jaw, slow and delicate down her neck. “You said I wouldn’t like him, doll.” 

She’s silent.

Neri turns to Mando, lowering his gun. “Ayy'Numa’s been so good recently, hasn’t she?” The word is like poison to him, like the concept of goodness alone is the most disgusting thing he’s ever heard. “My good little Tracker… I think she likes you,” he says hushed. Or as quiet as one can be inside a nightclub. Neri laughs again, wild and contorted. “I don’t do favors Mandalorian. But if my—“ he grabs her chin, tugging until she nearly falls, “—girl likes you… well,” his head turns to Mando, “You must be worth something.” He drops her head. “I will help you find your precious Mandos, but it’ll cost you.”

“Credit’s aren’t an issue—“

“I don’t want your money. Your offer is an insult,” Neri cuts him off. His long blue fingers snap, a silver tray lined in gold is placed between them. On it lay two tracking fobs, nearly identical to those Karga grants in the guild, painted red. “You said I need to find new help didn’t you?”

“I’m not an assassin.”

“It’s a good thing I need them alive then isn’t it?” He hisses. “Find them. Bring them to me alive, and I’ll tell you anything you want to know. If you make quick work of it I’ll throw in some credits too. As a token of my gratitude.”

“Done.” Mando grabs the fobs, pocketing them.

“I’m not finished. You will take Ayy'Numa with you.”

“Excuse you?” She sits up, adjusting her hood. “I didn’t agree to that. This wasn’t part of the deal—”

“Careful doll,” he warns. “You’re slipping.” She turns away from Mando. “Perhaps with the Mandalorian’s help you’ll learn how to finish a job correctly.” Neri shrugs. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter, neither of you do. I’ve made up my mind. I will give only Ayy'Numa all the information you need.”

Mando sighs, long and exasperated. “Fine,” he stands, “If she’s not at my ship in one hour I’m leaving.” He looks to her. “I’m sure you know where it is.” In his walk away he can’t miss her last words to the Twi’lek.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

---

Chapter Four: Empire of Ruin

[ryuichirou]

I saw one very stupid post on my dash about how snk is OBVIOUSLY nazi propaganda and trying to convert all of us into imperialists and white supremacists. tbh it’s not the first time I’ve seen that kind of stuff and probably won't be the last, but for some reason this time it gave me a lot of anxiety (I got wordy, I'mma need to send another ask, sorry)

(part 2) It's been more than half and hour and I still feel this awful sensation in my chest. It's just overall pretty fucked how to have something you hold dear being misinterpreted in the worst way possible, and I was just wondering what are your thoughts on this situation or how you deal with people claiming all sorts of awful shit.

(part 3) I imagine that as an artist some people probably direct their issues with snk towards you, 'cause I don't even post that much fanart and I've gotten anons "trying to educate me" on why this series is so wrong, after posting drawings. Of course, you don't have to reply, maybe the topic makes you anxious too and I don't want to bother you, so sorry for the depressing topic (｡•́︿•̀｡)

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Tiiish, I want to hug you, I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I hope you’re feeling a little bit better now.

Like we already mentioned a while ago, when we were talking about that darn article, after we read through it and did a little fact checking (and I mean it when I say a little, because there weren’t many facts to check), we stopped caring about it. It’s not research at all, just a manipulatively written speculation on Yam’s motives and worldview, but sadly, people easily believe these accusations because they hate SnK and want to find a valid reason to hate it and shit on its fanbase. Because “I hate it because it’s nazi propaganda” sounds much cooler than “I hate it because it’s popular”, doesn’t it?

It’s easier to ignore the article itself though, and it’s much harder not to think about tumblr posts or those Twitter threads that get very popular (although there are a lot of bots on twitter, trust me…), and it’s especially difficult to ignore it when it’s specifically directed at you. But the only thing that these people deserve is a good ol’ block and (if they’re getting too offensive and abusive) a report for harassment. The thing is, their opinion doesn’t matter: it won’t change SnK’s story, it won’t affect its success and popularity, it doesn’t affect anything other than our mood (temporarily lol). Because they aren’t critics who actually give a flying fuck about the subject matter, they’re just random assholes with a hateboner for SnK, who sit in their echochamber and discuss the same shit over and over again. And if they’re “fans” of the SnK, it’s just them “consuming it critically” 🙄 such a convenient phrase and so easy to abuse.

If we think about these accusations again… they’re so damn nonsensical, it’s almost amazing. I’m not going to reread it or to make a proper counterpoint article out of this ask, so this is just based on how we remember these accusations.

Like, what part of SnK approves and pushes the idea of imperialism in any way? When the entire idea of the story is that war is bad? When people like Onyankopon, whose homeland was invaded by Marley, exist? And it’s never portrayed as a good thing? Having only one country dominating the world’s situation is literally the main reason why everyone’s suffering??

And come to think of it, Isayama is one of the few manga artists to kind of sort of openly critique Japan: he literally drew Kiyomi losing her cool and drooling while thinking about all the profit and wealth she would get from the deal with Paradis. Why do people never talk about that? What is it, if not a critique of greedy and two-faced nature of people from Azumabito clan, who are heavily implied to represent Japan? I don’t read a lot of manga in general, but do you know how many mangakas I’ve seen who directly talked shit about Japan while being Japanese? Two. Excluding Isayama.

Isayama is clearly invested in the Western culture and he understands the World’s History. He understands that political relationships are complex and that there are no “bad” or “good” countries. I don’t want to make assumptions about how much perspective of the world’s relationships the average person from Japan has, but I still feel like Yams has a pretty good understanding of it. He did his research for the subject matter, and while it’s obviously not perfect, it’s clearly there.

These people also claim that SnK is anti-Korean and anti-Semitic, but if Hetalia had taught me anything, it is that if the story has or used to have any anti-Korean undertones, the Korean readers wouldn’t want to have anything to do with it. They would be the first people to ditch the manga, they would be the first people to critique SnK, and rightfully so. They burnt Uniqlo clothes, their overall domestic policy is pretty anti-Japanese, so there’re literally zero reasons for them not to destroy SnK if they see it as anti-Korean. But the size of the Korean SnK fandom suggests otherwise, doesn’t it.

And the “big noses = Jewish caricature” argument, seriously? How anti-Semitic can you get? Who the fuck looks at people and goes “oh, those have big noses, bet they’re caricature of Jews”?? Sorry I’m getting heated lol The argument about “Asian artists portray Westerners with prominent noses because that’s what we look like to them” has been done a lot of times, I’m not going to go over than again.

And god forbid Isayama to use Germany and Europe to draw a story where his characters are (approximately) Germans and Europeans! Let’s go fetch our pitchforks to punish Isayama for using their aesthetic to make his story look more believable and authentic, right? “Oh, those areas where they hold Eldians resemble places from real life”, like no shit???? Ofc they would??? That’s what references for making the story more grounded are used for??? If I were to write a story about a fictional place based on a real one that I don’t live in, I’d use some visual references to help me to make it more believable??? Why do I even need to explain that?

In my previous post I talked about the armbands and ghetto and stuff, but I’ll reiterate: even if there are thematic similarities, it doesn’t mean that the story mirrors our history. And it doesn’t mean that there is an analogy, since Eldian’s situation is quiiiite different than what Jewish people had to go through. It’s just thematic similarities. And it still doesn’t plant any specific idea in the reader’s head, other than “having people shoved into ghettos with 0 civil rights is a horrible thing”, and I can’t comprehend what’s anti-Semitic or imperialistic about it. Also I’m sorry, but nazis are not the only people who genocided a bunch of people, breaking news. Nor did they invent armbands. Same goes for Japan in WWII.

And now for my favourite argument: Erwin is nazi because his name is Erwin and he was born on the same day than some nazi guy died… I won’t even talk about why this idea is hilariously stupid, I just want to appreciate the level of nitpicking that’s going on here.

So… yeah. People who have nothing else to do but to complain about the show they hate don’t matter. And people who consider themselves a part of the SnK fandom and still say this bs (yep, there are people who do that) are huge hypocrites. The heck are they doing in this fandom then?? Of course, any story is up to interpretation, but this is so backwards?

Sorry for rambling so much… anyways. We’re happy enough not to encounter any hate related to this topic, but we think it’s because we ship Ereri and people already hate us for that, so the majority of shit we get is related to that, I guess we’re a lost cause for them. We’ll see if anything happens after this post though.

But once again, I’m very sorry that you had to go through this. Please remember that this isn’t personal at all, and people who harass strangers on the internet just want to flex their high moral ground while acting like complete assholes. You don’t have to explain anything to them, you don’t have to talk to them, you don’t have to listen to them or give them any attention. I hope you’ll never stumble upon anything like this; but if you ever do, please block them, don’t even bother reading their attempts at “educate” you. Isn’t worth it.

Please have a good day, Tish. And everyone who’s reading this reply.

[need-a-fugue]

We Grow Together (35)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Tessa Sullivan (OFC)

Chapter Summary: Tessa and Bucky are forced to try out a long-distance relationship.

Summary: Relationships can be tough, especially when one person is a recovering-from-being-brainwashed-and-tortured former assassin and the other is an overworked mutant scientist. But hey, every couple has their struggles. Right?

“Would you stop?” he demands, clearly annoyed. “We’ve been here a week and you haven’t even left the damn U-Gin grounds.”

Tessa takes in a deep breath and turns to face him. “Tony,” she starts, more than a hint of condescension to her voice. “We’re here to work. Remember?” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “And I have left the grounds. Our hotel is… blocks away!”

“Sometimes, I truly hate you,” he says, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Does that mean that other times you truly love me?” she taunts, whipping past him to enter a code into some kind of machine.

He watches her flit around the lab, looking just as comfortable here as she does at home. Somehow, in only a few days’ time, she’s managed to get herself familiar enough with the U-Gin facilities and technology that Dr. Cho and Dr. Han let her loose in this lab on her own. He’s impressed, though not surprised. But frankly, the amount of nonstop work she’s been doing around here also has him a bit concerned.

Bucky had pulled him aside for a nice long chat before they left, laying out all of his worries, like a helicopter parent on the first day of school. “She’s been sleeping better, but the nightmares… they’re still there. And you might have to force her to eat. I don’t mean just remind her, I mean make her do it. Especially if she really throws herself into work. Which she will do.”

“Yeah,” Tony had told him flippantly. “I know her. I get it.”

Bucky had given him a grave look then, shaking his head slowly. “Stark… I’m telling you, since the thing with Lobe –”

“Oh, you mean the thing that almost got her killed? The thing that I told all of you not to do? The thing that likely painted a nice shiny target on her back? Is that the thing you’re referring to?”

He saw the effort it took for Bucky to continue a civil conversation after that little snipe. But he still managed to go on and make his point clear. “Since then, she’s been… struggling.”

Tony had never liked Sergeant James Barnes, not since learning about him in school and hearing that he fought alongside Captain freaking America, the bane of his young existence. He didn’t like the way his father painted him in his stories – a bright tactician who helped lead influentially successful raids; a rakish young man who had – as his father put it – almost as much pull with the ladies as me; a courageous young man who made the ultimate sacrifice for his best friend and his country. He didn’t like the fact that his father had respected him so much. He didn’t like the fact that people called him a hero just for dying in the war. He certainly didn’t like the fact that he’d spent 70 years acting as an assassin for Hydra. And he hated the fact that he had been the one to win the heart of his most favorite little lab rat.

But the one thing he did like about the man, the one thing that he actually could respect about him, was his dedication to the people he cared for – be that his Avengers teammates or, in this instance, Tessa. So though the look on his face may have been dismissive, and though his response may have been nothing more than a psh, Tony did take it to heart when Bucky said him, “Just keep an eye on her. Please.”

“Fine,” he tells her as she moves back across the room towards the array of holographic micro-whatever-the-hell-she-called-them. “No clubs. Even though Seoul nightlife is amazing and you’d love it.”

She flips off the holograms, shutting the machine down. “I do love to dance.”

“I know you do,” he says with wide eyes. “I’ve seen it. It was terrifying.”

She turns on him, eyes alight with astonishment. “First of all, I am an excellent dancer,” she says holding up a single finger. Adding another finger to the mix, she states, “And secondly, Bruce picked the music. Not me.”

Tony closes his eyes, shakes his head, and tries not to laugh at the memory of Tessa and Bruce dancing around the lab to Disco Queen at two in the morning. It seemed like so long ago, back when they were still in the tower. Back when they still had to share equipment, and they all – Tony included – would get together to brainstorm and spitball new ideas, new innovations. Now Bruce was often gone on humanitarian missions, trying to somehow put right what the big guy did wrong. Tony was working harder to build up the Avengers than to innovate at Stark Industries. And Tessa had grown into a scientist capable enough to run an entire division on her own, rarely asking for his help or advice.

“Let’s just go to dinner,” he says, looking up and offering her an encouraging smile. “Please?”

“Fine,” she relents. “But we have an early meeting, so no getting me drunk.”

“When have I, or anyone else for that matter, ever gotten you drunk?” He snorts derisively at her. “You do that all on your own, ya lush.”

She frowns at him. “Then cut me off before I get myself drunk,” she says, shutting down the rest of the lab before heading out.

In fairness to Tony, he never actually agreed to cut her off. And he’s a huge proponent of using either alcohol or sex to distract oneself from the woes of life – sometimes both. Sure, he too tends to throw himself into his work when life outside of the lab becomes too much. It’s probably the thing that he and Tessa most have in common. Well, that and being genuinely brilliant (though he’s pretty sure she actually has to work at that). But it’s exactly because he shares that proclivity for diving headfirst into work that he’s able to see how close she is right now to stepping over that line that separates healthy distraction from borderline burnout.

So he feels no guilt at all when he buys another round of soju, this time asking the waiter to just leave the bottle.

“This shit is good,” she says with a small laugh.

“And strong,” he seconds, clinking his glass into hers.

She takes a sip and gives him a glassy eyed glare. “We’re going to look very bad in that meeting tomorrow. Our new partners will be very disappointed in us.”

He scoffs. “Nah. I canceled that meeting. Perk of being one of the richest, most powerful men in the world… it’s totally believable any time you say the words, a matter of extreme importance has come up.”

She laughs again, a bit louder this time, but it fades quickly as her gaze drops down to the table in front of them. She frowns suddenly and shakes her head a bit as if responding no to some unasked question. Her brow furrows and he sees the fingers on her right hand loosen their grip on her glass and move over to wind themselves tightly in with those on her left.

He sighs as she begins to clench her hands together, a deep scowl overtaking her face. “What’s up, buttercup?” he asks, leaning across the table to peel her hands apart.

She jumps at his touch and yanks her hands back, startled eyes flying up to meet his. “What?”

He leans back again, drink in hand as he raises an inquisitive brow. “Where’d you go just then?”

“What?” she repeats, genuinely confused.

He sets down his glass and sits upright, leveling her with an assessing stare. “You know, you’ve been doing that a lot lately. Zoning out. Helen even mentioned it the other day.”

Her mouth gapes open, eager to deny or defend. But there’s really nothing she can say. So she closes her lips and pinches them into a tight, firm line.

“So,” he intones, “I’ll ask you again… What’s up, buttercup?”

Her eyes dance around the room, taking in the half-empty restaurant. There’s a couple in the corner quietly holding hands, two large tables full of drunken businessmen loudly talking over one another in Korean. She sees a woman sitting alone along the far wall, her back to them. It looks like she’s reading a book while she silently drinks her tea. “I don’t know,” she says slowly, still studying the woman, gazing at the back of her head.

Tony sips at the soju. “Post-traumatic stress,” he issues out with forced casualness. Her eyes slowly drift back to him, a questioning look on her face. “That’s what they told me, anyway. After the battle in New York.” He shrugs. “Could be, I guess. Maybe. I don’t really care for labels.”

“You died then,” she says softly, a statement, not a question.

He raises his brows. “Sort of. Yeah.” He leans over and picks up the bottle, pours about two more fingers for each of them. “I don’t really know what happened. But it fucked me up, I can tell you that.” He looks down at the drink in his hand, thinks better of downing it all at once. Setting the glass off to the side, he leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. “I couldn’t sleep. I had… nightmares. I threw myself into my work.” He looks her dead in the eye. “Any of this sounding familiar?”

The corner of her mouth perks up into a crooked smile. “Yeah, I know. I get it.”

“Look kid, I know you’re tough. I know you’ve been through… a lot already. But…” He throws his hands into the air. “We don’t get to choose what fucks us up. One near-death experience might be nothing more than a fascinating dinner party story. Another might turn us into workaholic zombies. God,” he says, shaking his head vehemently, “I hate that word. What the hell is workahol anyway?”

She gives him an earnest look. “What kind of dinner parties are you going to?”

He blinks tiredly and rubs his eyes. “You know what I mean,” he groans out.

She nods and gulps down the entirety of the drink in front of her, offers no reaction to the stunned look he gives her. “I’m not sure it’s that simple,” she tells him, reaching for the bottle.

He grabs the soju with one hand and actually slaps her hand away with the other. “No,” he says, pointing a demanding finger at her. She frowns, but gives in easily, falling back into her chair. He too leans back, still glaring at her cautiously. “What do you mean it’s not that simple?”

“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. Then, locking eyes with him, “Did you feel cold?”

Tony wrinkles his brow. “Cold?”

She nods slowly. “I am so, so cold. It’s like it’s… it’s in my bones.” She shakes her head absently and turns her eyes back to the woman across the room. “I tried to take a bath the other day to… I don’t know… thaw out. And I freaked out a little. But I think that’s normal. Being surrounded by water…” She lets out a small chuckle. “I even ducked my head under. To challenge the fear.” Another shrug. “But I understand that fear. I get it, I do. And sometimes I feel… scared, I guess. And I just need to… hold onto something. Do you know what I mean?” she asks, looking back to him.

“Yeah,” he says solemnly. “I do.”

“When I was there… in that car…” her eyes close as she pulls in a deep breath. “I was so scared. Because I knew… I knew I was going to die. The water was so cold. And I… I…”

Tony reaches across the table and takes her hand, offers a gentle squeeze. “You made it out,” he tells her. “I know what it’s like… to think about it and feel like you’re still there, like you’re still in it. But you just have to keep reminding yourself that you made it out.”

She smiles over at him, a small but genuine smile. “Yeah…” But then her eyes turn hard and a deep, sad frown takes over. “But then why am I still so cold?”

Tony looks down at his own hand, still laying atop hers. He notices the way his fingers are gently squeezing and rubbing hers, unconsciously working to warm what he only just now realizes is an icy cold touch. He pulls away suddenly, his stomach dropping as he grasps just how dead her hand feels.

If Tessa notices his recoil, she doesn’t show it. Instead her gaze shifts back to the woman across the room, her long dark hair draping over her shoulders, the delicate way she brings up her tea cup with her left hand. Is she left handed? she finds herself wondering. “Sometimes I feel like…” she starts, sounding terribly far-off, “like I’m not myself.” She looks back over at him for a brief moment. “Did you feel that way?” she asks him, a sort of longing in her voice.

He nods slowly, hesitantly. “Yeah, kid. I did.” He lets out a long sigh before rising from the table with a bit of a sway. “C’mon,” he says, moving over to her and clasping her shoulder. “Let’s get you back to the hotel before you pass out. I’m not carrying your drunk ass.”

She pushes back her chair and allows him to help her stand, shaky legs only letting her get so far on her own. “Too weak without your suit?”

“Maybe you’re just too heavy,” he replies, sweeping an arm around her back.

She pulls away just a fraction and glares at him. “Did you just call me fat?”

000

Tony backs out of her room as soon as she flops onto the bed, content that she’s most likely not going to fall and break her neck or roll over and choke on her own vomit. “Trashcan’s by the bed,” he says by way of goodnight.

The minute the door clicks shut behind him, she pulls out her cell and presses Sergeant Bad Ass, giggles to herself as she clunkily raises the phone to her ear.

“Tessa?” he answers after the first ring, concern sounding in her name.

“Did I wake you?” she asks, the words coming out slightly garbled.

There’s a brief pause before he says, “It’s four in the afternoon here.” Then, a hint of levity shining through, “Are you drunk dialing me?”

She snorts loudly. “How do you even know what that is? You’re from… from… last century.”

“Should I ask what you did tonight?”

She closes her eyes and falls back, deeper into the fluffy pillows. “Just dinner. And… soju,” she says, dragging the syllable out for an eternity. So-juuuuuuuuuuuu. He laughs lightly and she smiles to herself. “I just wanted to hear that,” she whispers, biting her lip.

“What, me laughing at you?” he says with another short chuckle.

The smile slips from her face and she feels tears start to burn behind her eyes. “I miss you,” she ekes out.

His voice is tender, soft, when he replies, “I miss you too.”

“I know I’ve been really… weird lately,” she says with a sniffle. “I know you’re worried about me. I hate that.”

“Baby,” he breathes out. “You sound pretty tired. Maybe you should get some sleep and call me in the morning.”

She shakes her head and clamps her eyes tightly shut to stave off the tears. “No, I… I…”

“Tessa,” he hums simply.

“I just want to tell you… I’m sorry. And I’ll be better. And… and… I love you.”

She hears him let out a long, deep sigh. “God, I wish I could touch you right now,” he mutters longingly. “Just hold you.”

She smiles wide, the tears finally beginning to squeeze their way out and trail down the sides of her face. “I love you,” she repeats, the words coming out only slightly slurred.

“Get some sleep, baby,” he says. “Call me in the morning… after you finish puking your guts out.” There’s a soft chuckle followed by a wistful, “I love you too.”

The call ends the same way they all do, with neither one ever saying the word goodbye.

[tocxmply]

BRAINWASHING & ACTIVATION WORDS         [sources: click, click, click, click, click, click]

         so --- the process that underlies HYDRA’s creation of the Winter Soldier. first of all, this can be described as a process of brainwashing/ mind control/ mind manipulation to the point of breaking down one’s identity and reforge it at another’s will. what we know about brainwashing from scientific evidence is that this process is still debatable — whether it is real or a different psychological phenomenon, what it takes to happen, consequences, etc. obviously, it is impossible to conduct research to test hypotheses in such a field — for this reason, i have researched accordingly (shoutout to @timeripe​ for coming along for the ride) and i have tried to build up this background as realistically and plausibly as possible.

1. ELECTROCONVULSIVE/ ELECTROSHOCK STIMULATION (ECS)

         starting at 1945 --- right after Bucky’s fall and when he was captured. ECS was growing quite popular in the psychiatry field in the 1940s, after observations that, for example, it was useful to put a person in an anesthetized state. it was also already demonstrated that the electroshock provoked retrograde amnesia, in that patients could not remember the treatment and therefore had no ill feelings toward it. knowing this, as well as the effect of a general sense of confusion left after treatment, it’s small wonder that HYDRA saw the potential this could have in producing compliant soldiers for their cause. nowadays. it is also known that memory loss and confusion are more pronounced for patients who receive a steady flow of electrical impulses and who undergo bilateral electrode placement, both of which are the Soldier’s case (re: the latter, it’s not actual electrodes used on him because the machines we see in the movies are quite rudimentar tbh, but it is a protocol of bilateral stimulation). we also know that some patients have persistent memory losses, especially with bilateral ECS. therefore, it is also not difficult to envision that, with frequent and non-optimized shock sessions (if not downright done on purpose to force all these side effects), in the course of 70 years of captivity, the Soldier’s memory was frequently wiped clean for the most part and that some portions of it may never be entirely recovered, even if he’s to be removed from this hazardous context (i will venture deeper into his memory + amnesia in a different meta). additionally, whereas nowadays there is no solid evidence that ECS causes brain damage, there are reports that it might result in a lack of blood flow and oxygen to the heart, heart arrhythmia, and persistent asystole.

         tl;dr --- this is a procedure that, when done without regard for the patient’s integrity (which, disclaimer, is NOT what happens nowadays during perfectly safe and optimized ECS therapy sessions), is terrifying af and does not immediately produce immense trauma only because the procedure in itself, ironically, causes the person to be unable to remember it. again, a perfect mechanism to be used by HYDRA standards.

2. CLASSICAL/ PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING

         this is depicted in “Captain America: Civil War”, by the use of the infamous activation words and how they promptly revert Bucky back to the Winter Soldier mindset and, basically, turn him back to HYDRA’s puppet with zero autonomy/ agency. classical conditioning is “a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus (e.g. food) is paired with a previously neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell). it also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response (e.g. salivation) that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus“. so, how does this apply to the activation words?

         from what we can see at the start of CA:CW, during the flashback in 1991, the biologically potent stimulus is the ECS, as discussed in topic 1, which provokes a state where, right after the session, the Soldier is 1) in a state of confusion, 2) in an anesthetized state of sorts, 3) having no recollection of what just happened, and 4) with his memory in general converted to a clean slate. all of these are ideal, in turn,  to induce a state of hypnosis. in this case: “hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion. during hypnosis, a person is said to have heightened focus and concentration. the person can concentrate intensely on a specific thought or memory, while blocking out sources of distraction. hypnotized subjects are said to show an increased response to suggestions”. again, it’s not hard to see how convenient this is when you’re trying to create the perfect soldier/weapon, who’s 100% focused on your objectives and doing your bidding only. this is the default mode of functioning of the Winter Soldier, and what is achieved via the activation words.

         so, the way i see it... what happens is that, after every ECS session, a hypnosis session immediately follows. during hypnosis sessions, the Soldier undergoes indoctrination on the whole HYDRA is here to save the world, we fight for freedom, everyone who opposes us needs to be removed, we’re the good guys, etc --- a message we see being clearly used in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, by Alexander Pierce, when Winter questions the man on the bridge --- he’s immediately reminded of how he himself changed the century, how he’s doing the right thing and this man doesn’t matter, yada yada. whenever this message does not work by itself, then a new ECS session is needed to restart the cycle; aka wipe him and start over.

         during hypnosis sessions, that is also when the activation words are recited, again when the Soldier’s mind is solely focused on them and nothing else. and this is how the conditioning, therefore, works: an initially neutral stimulus (activation words) is associated with other stimuli (shock sessions + hypnosis sessions) which is able to produce a desirable response (absolute compliance, zero resistance, zero questioning of orders, zero agency), so that, by itself, the neutral stimulus becomes able to elicit this same response.

         let me add here that the state of cryostasis the Winter Soldier is kept in, whenever he’s not needed, is also essential for this process --- as, despite the popular “cold sleep” name, this isn’t true sleep at all. this does not allow for REM sleep to occur, which in turn does not allow for short-term learning to be properly converted into long-term memories. which, again in turn, explains the Soldier’s amnesia and, as well, why the conditioning must be reinforced every time he’s awoken (i.e., the reason why he’s awoken, dragged out of the cryo chamber, shoved down for ECS + conditioning --- as we see depicted at the start of CA:CW). 

3. CONSEQUENCES

         first and foremost, i love the general idea depicted at the end of “Black Panther” that recovery IS possible, even for someone who’s quite literally gone through hell and back. however, i don’t agree with the idea that the activation words can be entirely removed, so to speak --- for example, it is well demonstrated that operant conditioning responses can take as much as 10,000 attempts without any sort of reinforcement, before eventually becoming extinct (thank u B.F. Skinner). ofc there is always the excuse that this is fiction and we can make technology as badass as we want, but i’m not a fan of that --- so i go for a compromise as realistic as i can do.

         we know that Shuri was able to “deprogram” Bucky quite substantially, but we aren’t explicitly told how --- only that it was achieved by the time of “Avengers: Infinity War”. we also have Bucky himself stating that he is now “a semi-stable 100-year-old man “ --- semi-stable obviously implying that he still has to deal with some sort of sequels, despite his huge and beautiful progress. back to Shuri’s strategy, i would say this was heavily based on a protocol of counterconditioning/ stimulus substitution and systematic desensitization. to make a long story short, the rationale was to break the association between activation words + Winter’s mindset, to make it so that the power of the activation words over Bucky is as reduced as possible, and to instead associate these activation words with desirable outcomes --- for example, a positive stimulus, such as affectionate human contact, that is offered at the same time the words are recited --- so that the words are gradually able to elicit a positive emotion, rather than complete submission.

         from what we currently know, this sort of intervention has great success and, for example, was one of the earliest behavioral treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder. however, we also know that it is not a perfect technique (like none is) --- which, all things given, leads me to believe that the words have not lost their power entirely. so... whereas, for the most part, by the time of IW they have become obsolete as far as triggering the Winter Soldier mindset goes (provided Bucky is in a positive context), they can still provoke anxiety and they can still bring back a great deal of noxious memories associated with those days. so, for example, reciting these words at this point in time will not succeed in brainwashing, but it will provoke a negative/vulnerable mindset and, under certain circumstances and in certain contexts, may provoke an actual panic attack.

         to conclude: in my portrayal, the events that are post-CA:CW will bring about the start of Bucky’s recovery --- which will be progressive, extended (tbh it will likely be a lifetime process), and certainly not able to revert him back to the man he was in 1945 but that will, no doubt, make a huge difference for his mental health, integrity, and stability. depending on the timeline i’m writing him on, obviously, his progress will greatly vary --- right at the end of CA:TWS, he’s dysfunctional for the most part and greatly vulnerable, whereas, by the time of IW and beyond, he still suffers from severe PTSD symptoms but has learned how to better cope with them and how to preserve his well-being.

[tocxmply-archive]

BRAINWASHING & ACTIVATION WORDS          

          so --- the process that underlies HYDRA’s creation of the Winter Soldier. first of all, this can be described as a process of brainwashing/ mind control/ mind manipulation to the point of breaking down one’s identity and reforge it at another’s will. what we know from scientific evidence is that this process is still debatable — whether it is real or a different psychological phenomenon, what it takes to happen, consequences, etc. obviously, it is impossible to conduct research to test hypotheses in such a field — for this reason, i have researched accordingly (shoutout to @timeripe for coming along for the ride) and i have tried to build up this background as realistically and plausibly as possible. 

[sources: click, click, click, click, click, click]

1. ELECTROCONVULSIVE/ ELECTROSHOCK STIMULATION (ECS)

          starting at 1944 --- right after Bucky’s fall and when he was captured. ECS was growing quite popular in the psychiatry field in the 1940s, after observations that, for example, it was useful to put a person in an anesthetized state. it was also already demonstrated that the electroshock provoked retrograde amnesia, in that patients could not remember the treatments and therefore had no ill feelings toward it. knowing this, as well as the effect of a general sense of confusion left after treatment, it’s small wonder that HYDRA saw the potential this could have in producing compliant soldiers for their cause. nowadays. it is also known that memory loss and confusion are more pronounced for patients who receive a steady flow of electrical impulses and who undergo bilateral electrode placement, both of which are the Winter Soldier’s case (re: the latter, it’s not actual electrodes used on him because the machines we see in the movies are quite rudimentar tbh, but it is a protocol of bilateral stimulation). we also know that some patients have persistent memory losses, especially with bilateral ECS. therefore, it is also not difficult to envision that, with frequent and non-optimized shock sessions (if not downright done on purpose to force all these side effects), in the course of 70 years of captivity, the Winter Soldier’s memory was frequently wiped clean for the most part and that some portions of it may never be entirely recovered, even if he’s to be removed from this hazardous context (i will venture deeper into his memory + amnesia in a different meta). additionally, whereas nowadays there is no solid evidence that ECS causes brain damage, there are reports that it might result in a lack of blood flow and oxygen to the heart, heart arrhythmia, and persistent asystole. 

          tl;dr --- this is a procedure that, when done without regard for the patient’s integrity (which, disclaimer, is NOT what happens nowadays during perfectly safe and optimized ECS therapy sessions), is terrifying af and does not immediately produce immense trauma only because the procedure in itself, ironically, causes the person to be unable to remember it. again, a perfect mechanism to be used by HYDRA standards.

2. CLASSICAL/ PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING

          this is depicted in “Captain America: Civil War”, by the use of the infamous activation words and how they promptly revert Bucky back to the Winter Soldier mindset and, basically, turn him back to HYDRA’s puppet with zero autonomy/ agency. classical conditioning is “a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus (e.g. food) is paired with a previously neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell). it also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response (e.g. salivation) that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus“. so, how does this apply to the activation words? 

          from what we can see at the start of CA:CW, during the flashback in 1991, the biologically potent stimulus is the ECS, as discussed in topic 1, which provokes a state where, right after the session, the Winter Soldier is 1) in a state of confusion, 2) in an anesthetized state of sorts, 3) having no recollection of what just happened, and 4) with his memory in general converted to a clean slate. all of these are ideal, in turn,  to induce a state of hypnosis. in this case: “hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion. during hypnosis, a person is said to have heightened focus and concentration. the person can concentrate intensely on a specific thought or memory, while blocking out sources of distraction. hypnotized subjects are said to show an increased response to suggestions”. again, it’s not hard to see how convenient this is when you’re trying to create the perfect soldier/weapon, who’s 100% focused on your objectives and doing your bidding only. this is the default mode of functioning of the Winter Soldier, and what is achieved via the activation words.

          so, the way i see it... what happens is that, after every ECS session, a hypnosis session immediately follows. during hypnosis sessions, the Winter Soldier undergoes indoctrination on the whole HYDRA is here to save the world, we fight for freedom, everyone who opposes us needs to be removed, we’re the good guys, etc --- a message we see being clearly used in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, by Alexander Pierce, when Winter questions the man on the bridge --- he’s immediately reminded of how he himself changed the century, how he’s doing the right thing and this man doesn’t matter, yada yada. whenever this message does not work by itself, then a new ECS session is needed to restart the cycle; aka wipe him and start over. 

          during hypnosis sessions, that is also when the activation words are recited, again when the Winter Soldier’s mind is solely focused on them and nothing else. and this is how the conditioning, therefore, works: an initially neutral stimulus (activation words) is associated with other stimuli (shock sessions + hypnosis sessions) which is able to produce a desirable response (absolute compliance, zero resistance, zero questioning of orders, zero agency), so that, by itself, the neutral stimulus becomes able to elicit this same response.

          let me add here that the state of cryostasis the Winter Soldier is kept in, whenever he’s not needed, is also essential for this process --- as, despite the popular “cold sleep” name, this isn’t true sleep at all. this does not allow for REM sleep to occur, which in turn does not allow for short-term learning to be properly converted into long-term memories. which, again in turn, explains the Winter Soldier’s amnesia and, as well, why the conditioning must be reinforced every time he’s awoken (i.e., the reason why he’s awoken, dragged out of the cryo chamber, shoved down for ECS + conditioning --- as we see depicted at the start of CA:CW).

          a final thought: i personally don’t believe the activation words would ever be as powerful as to immediately and inexorably turn Bucky into a complete robot, after simply reciting them once, as we see done by Zemo. alternatively, what i headcanon is that, while the end result is the same, it requires longer and more effort to get there --- so that Bucky will try to resist the effect that the words are trying to provoke, and it will take a couple more times of reciting them (while he is somehow unable to block them out, for example by being physically constricted) for the brainwashing to be completely successful.

3. CONSEQUENCES

          first and foremost, i love the general idea depicted at the end of “Black Panther” that recovery IS possible, even for someone who’s quite literally gone through hell and back. however, i don’t agree with the idea that the activation words can be entirely removed, so to speak --- for example, it is well demonstrated that operant conditioning responses can take as much as 10,000 attempts without any sort of reinforcement, before eventually becoming extinct (thank you B.F. Skinner). ofc there is always the excuse that this is fiction and we can make technology as badass as we want, but i’m not a fan of that --- so i go for a compromise as realistic as i can do.

          we know that Shuri was able to “deprogram” Bucky quite substantially, but we aren’t explicitly told how --- only that it was achieved by the time of “Avengers: Infinity War”. we also have Bucky himself stating that he is now “a semi-stable 100-year-old man “ --- semi-stable obviously implying that he still has to deal with some sort of sequels, despite his huge and beautiful progress. and this is absolutely all right. persons who endure trauma and/or mental disorders do not magically revert back to a state where they are totally fine, no matter how excellent the therapy is, and i am very glad this much respect was given to this topic. back to Shuri’s strategy, i would say this was heavily based on a protocol of counterconditioning/ stimulus substitution and systematic desensitization. to make a long story short, the rationale was to break the association between activation words + Winter’s mindset, to make it so that the power of the activation words over Bucky is as reduced as possible, and to instead associate these activation words with desirable outcomes --- for example, a positive stimulus, such as affectionate human contact, that is offered at the same time the words are recited --- so that the words are gradually able to elicit a positive emotion, rather than complete submission. 

          from what we currently know, this sort of intervention has great success and, for example, was one of the earliest behavioral treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder. however, we also know that it is not a perfect technique (like none is) --- which, all things given, leads me to believe that the words have not lost their power entirely. so... whereas, for the most part, by the time of IW they have become obsolete as far as triggering the Winter Soldier mindset goes (provided Bucky is in a positive context), they can still provoke anxiety and they can still bring back a great deal of noxious memories associated with those days. so, for example, reciting these words at this point in time will not succeed in brainwashing, but it will provoke a negative/vulnerable mindset and, under certain circumstances and in certain contexts, may provoke an actual panic attack. this also applies to other triggers/stimuli (which i will discuss in another meta) but, essentially and most significantly, to the activation words --- given their relevance re: the Winter Soldier. 

          to conclude: in my portrayal, the events that are post-CA:CW will bring about the start of Bucky’s recovery --- which will be progressive, extended (tbh it will likely be a lifetime process), and not entirely able to revert him back to the man he was in 1944 but that will, no doubt, make a huge difference for his mental health, integrity, and stability. depending on the timeline i’m writing him on, obviously, his progress will greatly vary --- right at the end of CA:TWS, he’s dysfunctional for the most part and greatly vulnerable, whereas, by the time of IW and beyond, he still suffers from severe PTSD symptoms but has learned how to better cope with them and how to preserve his well-being.

[authenticparanoidghosts]

here’s a very long d&d story about the time my party used volleyball skills to become a god.  for @komodoclassic, because she asked

this is a story in three parts

part i - a brief introduction of major characters and setting

okay so this was our big sophomore year campaign that lasted from first semester on over into part of second semester

really good campaign, our DM put a lot of work into it and we love him, but we had so many players that we had to split into two groups who both played the same world on the same timeline which was a huge fantastic mess

it ended bc the group I was in got a total party kill fighting a lizard with a magic eyeball (a totally different story - I was playing a hot tree and I might have killed him on my own after the rest of the party died if he hadn’t had that fucking entourage) and the other group killed the interdimensional asshole/refugee guy my party was actually trying to help

anyways, important characters in this story:

our DM, who I will not refer to by name even though I do tag him by name sometimes. I love to be inconsistent 

me, playing my first character for this campaign (who did survive! she had to be retired before the lizard TPK for other nonsense reasons), a dwarf paladin named Taxes

Taxes (real name: Ataxite Tellus) was from a family of swindlers and petty criminals and was forced to leave her life of burglary and scamming when her parents got paid off to have someone take the fall for murdering The Very Important Mayor Of The Big Island Of This Archipelago Country and decided to frame her for it

instead of going to jail like she was supposed to, she was like “fuck this” and fled to a different island where she dyed her hair and put on a bandana like an old west outlaw and spitefully decided to dedicate her life to Not Being A Huge Asshole 

obviously the way to do this is by taking some (k)night classes and becoming a paladin

Taxes is not a very good paladin

her god is Deimos, who does fire and war and justice and out of all the gods we met during the campaign (which was honestly a shocking amount) he was the nicest to us

our DM said he (Deimos) got briefly famous on the d&d reddit - partially because of this story and partially because of the stunts we were pulling immediately before it

anyways it’s important that you know that Taxes is from a family of criminals and just genuinely not very good at her job

one of my roommates, playing an elven wizard/lich whose name was Faenor but went exclusively by Gregg

good things to know about Gregg: she and Taxes had a classic straight man/banana man dynamic where she would try to do terrible ridiculous criminal things and Taxes would loudly protest but do very little to stop her

a friend, playing a dwarf paladin/cleric named Yule Marbles

Yule also followed Deimos and she and Taxes had an elaborate prayer handshake that they’d made up that gave them DM-sanctioned bonuses to religion checks

our party prayed basically exclusively to Deimos and eventually gained new player characters who ALSO followed him so after a point we just kind of paraded around the world as Deimos’ Favorite Idiots

part ii - volleyball

alright those are the people you need to know, let’s set the scene

our party needs to flee Dinosaur Hell Island where we have just solved the mystery we were summoned to help investigate and also accidentally started a war

quick trivia: Taxes (me) got mocked CONSTANTLY through the campaign bc she kept ACCIDENTALLY STARTING WARS

BAD PALADIN BEHAVIOR

but I did get a joke proficiency in starting wars which I later convinced the DM to let me use to benefit the party, so who’s laughing now, motherfucker

(the final count was that at LEAST three (3) legitimate, real-ass wars could be traced directly back to my actions as Taxes, as well as a couple other events that I would prefer to call “skirmishes” or “battles” that happened more indirectly.  I refuse to count Malcolm’s not-so-legal battle for the deed to hell because 1) I did NOT help that guy, I just said I would, and 2) that was his problem and he started it)

we are leaving without telling anyone what we’ve found out

because they’re going to kill us, probably

you know. because of the war. that we started. on their already incredibly politically fraught island

the point is that we solved the goddamn mystery despite being absolutely terrible detectives and we FINALLY get to leave

we’ve been playing this part of the campaign for weeks and we’re all very tired of it

also the player who was intended to take point on the investigation (her hot mentor/maybe boyfriend? was the one who had called us there) had died pretty early on doing a pretty risky stunt involving a shark and an underwater cave, so we were just muddling through it

and we kept “”accidentally”” insulting people by stealing things (dinosaurs) and getting caught trying to break into things (sacred temples) and just generally being rude (Yule REALLY didn’t like the fey and I was briefly cursed by a swamp hag)

and, again, we started that war

we really need to skip town

a very unfortunate ship had crashed on the island a couple days previously and some of the people on it are very powerful sorcerers who we (really just Xenon, the half-orc fighter and everyone’s very best friend) have convinced to teleport us off the island

we just need to hide out on their beach and kill some time until the teleportation circle is ready

“do you want to take a rest?” the DM asks

“we should play beach volleyball,” someone else says, at the exact same time

resting is for suckers who are afraid of the very angry lizard people who want to kill us

we vote unanimously to play beach volleyball

the DM graciously decides that, in the interest of comedy, we have all the materials we need and won’t have to, like, sit down and weave a net

we break into two teams of four. team names are quickly decided to be The Hotdogs vs. The Hamburglars 

after the party split our group retained “hamburglars” as our group chat name because our threshold for what entertains us is embarrassingly low

there are eight of us, so we’re playing four-on-four

the makeup of the teams isn’t important (and I can’t remember them), but know that we’re a half-orc, a tiefling, a middle-school-age human girl, an adult human man, two dwarves, an undead elf, and a fishperson

we spend a decent amount of time coming up with rules necessary to let us play volleyball

it’s mostly dexterity checks and rolling a d4 to see what quadrant of the court the ball lands in

some of our group doesn’t know the rules to actual volleyball and they have to be explained

listen. this is possibly the nerdiest thing I’ve ever done. I’m willing to acknowledge that, you don’t need to tell me.

anyways, ultimately the outcome of the game doesn’t matter (the Hamburglars won) and neither does how good or bad anyone was at rolling for imaginary volleyball (we fucking crushed the Hotdogs)

the point is that we played it and were so charmed by it that we would not forget about our new skills. we would remember them in our hour of need.

part iii - now I am (accidentally) become (NOT ACTUALLY A) god, destroyer of pirates

imagine there’s a timeskip

like, uh, two weeks later in game time at MOST

the group has split in real life, so my group is now Taxes, Yule, Gregg, Roswell (delightful fishperson), and another guy who stopped coming regularly and then was later replaced by another guy who doesn’t really become important until later, when we try to help a dimension-hopping dicklick by killing a lizard and stealing his eyeball

his character’s name was Yashirou and he’s not in this at all but it’s important that you know that by the time he died he had been partially transformed into so many different things that he was achingly close to being classified as an abomination and also was probably going to be fired from his job as a space cop

anyways, it’s a new day and a new session

actually, it’s probably like 11 pm. this will be relevant later

Taxes, Gregg, and Yule are the only player characters present because Roswell was busy or something

we’re on a new continent, hanging out with Taxes’ younger sister, Olivine

Olivine has also split from their parents and now runs an all-female gang of pirates who steal from the two much BIGGER gangs of pirates and also the trading federation and then sells whatever they’ve captured to the anti-government faction of the civil war that’s currently happening on the continent

this civil war is the only war currently going on/about to start where the root causes are NOT my fault in any way because when the thing that caused the circumstances that are creating unrest happened, Taxes had her hands over her ears and was humming loudly bc she knew she’d be morally obligated to do something if someone told her what was going on

right now, both major gangs of pirates and the trading federation are also all currently at war with each other

this is my fault

nobody but Gregg and Yule know it’s my fault, though, so I’m only in danger of being mocked for it

anyways we’re hanging out with my sister

doing crime

well, Gregg is doing crime.  Taxes and Yule are paladins so they’re just protecting their good friend Gregg from people who might try to do her harm.  it’s an airtight excuse, thank you

we’re actually on the continent because we’re traveling to visit Yule’s wife and son

so my sister and her gang (and us) have recently stolen a bunch of supplies from a guy named Scipio who is, we’ve been told, a Huge Asshole

Olivine’s gang is going to pay some local sailors to run the supplies up to the northern part of the continent which is both where the rebels are based and where Yule’s family lives

so ofc we’re on one boat (chock full of magical items we have recently lit a perfectly nice wizard on fire to steal) and two of the girl gang members are on the other (full of, like, food I think) providing security and acting as Olivine’s representatives for the deal they’re trying to make with the rebel camp

things are going well

we’re just sailing, no big deal

except, you know, like the first rule of d&d is Never Get On A Boat

and we are definitely on a boat

undeniably on a boat

on a boat full of MANY stolen goods

so ofc a couple hours into our trip, a bigger, faster ship sails up behind us. a bigger, faster ship with very official looking flags

it’s a gang of pirate enforcers (from one of the big two gangs) and they are presumably here to rob the shit out of us

“oh shit” we say, and look over at the other boat where the only NPCs who can help us also appear to be mouthing oh shit

“well,” someone says (me), “I think we can talk our way out of this”

I like to think I’m optimistic (and sometimes I find combat boring)

I prefer to try to lie my ass off to get us out of bad situations

we let the pirates board

things to know:

previous to this adventure on this continent, Taxes had gained the ability to see the names of everyone she meets, Death Note style

also she has a new helmet

more on the helmet later

Yule, who had been wearing Custom Order Rose Gold Plate Armor with the symbol of Deimos (god of LAW and JUSTICE) inscribed in the front and a cake recipe on the back, had been persuaded to take it off and hide it below decks so she looks less like the paladin/cleric she is

Gregg and Taxes look sketchy as hell all the time so they’re not worried

“hey, uh, what’s the plan?” someone asks, moments before the pirates climb onto our ship

“we are also pirates now,” Taxes says

“what”

“we are specifically the same sort of pirates they are because they’re not going to rob one of their own boats,” Taxes says, because she has the actor feat and is willing to use it

“alright, sounds good,” Gregg says, because she loves deception and can just blast the shit out of anyone with her wizard powers if things go south

so we let the pirates board

guy #1 (the only important pirate in this story) is obviously in charge and probably wearing an outfit that makes him look like a douche

he’s a huge douche which we find out immediately and also again later

you’ll see

he starts in on us, threatening everyone, asking our business and clearly winding up to start demanding that we put our hands on our heads and show him where our gold is

“Harrison,” Taxes says

she can see that his name is Harrison with her magic eyes

“Harrison, please, you’ve got the wrong boat”

Harrison - and everyone with him - about swallows his tongue in surprise that she’s addressing him by name

later we find out from the DM that at work he goes by something incredibly silly like Inflammis or Incindior or Combustus or something

none of the other pirates know his name is really Harrison

“who the fuck are you” the pirates, rather reasonably, want to know

“representatives of Lady Blackwing herself,” Gregg says, because we have a hold full of treasure we’ve literally just stolen from this exact group of pirates the day before and nothing to lose

Gregg is basically impossible to kill and should not be allowed to make decisions for the party, but we never learned

we attempt to convince Harrison that we are, in fact, pirates and that we do, actually, work for his boss (Lady Blackwing)

our story is that we’re secret profiteers who are selling things on the black market to both armies in order to fill Lady Blackwing’s pockets with gold

I’m sure you remember there’s a civil war about to get started

“what the fuck is a secret profiteer?” Harrison wants to know

“well,” we say, “we’d tell you, but how do we know you’re high enough up in the organization to have clearance for that information?” heavily implying that he’s a chump for not recognizing us

oooo, burn

Harrison is, of course, not fooled by this

so we send Yule down to the hold to get something to prove that we have our own cargo (that we definitely didn’t steal from them)

Yule comes back, arms full of Custom Order Rose Gold Plate Armor with the symbol of Deimos (god of LAW and JUSTICE) inscribed in the front and a cake recipe on the back, and we roll JUST barely high enough to convince him that we have our own goods and we might, in fact, be pirates who are on his team and he probably should try not to rob us 

so Harrison, a little dazed and definitely pissed off (we were not very polite to him), goes back to his ship

the pirates who have boarded the other vessel also go back to their ship

we start trying to sail the hell out of there as fast as possible

the other boat we’re traveling with sails up next to us and our NPC friends wave us over

“what the FUCK did you tell them?” hot girl gang member who can, like, literally smite things (she was clearly the muscle of the group) asks us 

“we convinced them we were also pirates,” we say

“oh shit” she says

their boat has convinced the pirates that they’re just merchants

turns out the pirates really are looking for the people who robbed them yesterday

for revenge

that’s us. they want revenge on us.

we decide to sail faster

it’s too late, though, because the pirate ship is sailing after us again and we already know they’re capable of catching us

“should we fire the canons?” someone asks, unsure if our boats even HAVE canons

“you should roll initiative,” the DM says, not at all like it’s a suggestion

we’re in combat

on Harrison’s first turn, he hits us with a level 7 fireball

turns out he’s a wizard and he’s very mad at us

Infernus, his work name was probably Infernus

we’re understandably furious about being on fire

there is some shouting that he probably cannot hear

now we get turns

two of us are paladins who don’t really have ranged attacks, and the other one of us is Gregg

the NPCs can do some cool shit but this has dragged on long enough so I will not mention them

“hm,” Gregg says, and tries to light them on fire back (it doesn’t work)

“oh dear,” Yule says, and attempts to fire a canon at them (turns out we do have them)

“I’d like to use my magic hat,” Taxes says, because she REALLY doesn’t want anymore 7th level spells being thrown around and now seems like a good a time as any to figure out what the hat does

“oh my god,” says the DM

“oh my god, really?” he looks delighted

this is the first inkling we get that Taxes’ magic hat is maybe more powerful than any item we ever should have been given

ABOUT THE HAT

previous to this adventure (after Dinosaur Hell Island), Gregg went house shopping and we ended up stealing a fortress carved into a meteor (located in a plane I think our DM might have made up that was basically space) from a Beholder 

after clearing the Beholder and most of its minions out from our future home, we went through it and found a whole bunch of loot.  most notably a rock with a weird marking on it, a shield, and a helmet

the rock went to Gregg who owned the house and when she picked it up the markings moved to her arm and gave her sort of a sick sleeve tattoo that I think boosted all her necrotic spells or something

goth as FUCK

Xenon, the fighter and our very good friend, got the shield and I honestly don’t think we ever figured out what it did

Taxes got the Helmet of War

she’s a paladin of the god of war (and justice and fire), so why not

it’s just a normal-looking helmet and it gave +1 to armor class and our DM had me roll a d4 to see how many charges it had

the helmet had 4 charges, and we did an arcana check but all we learned was that it would summon “an avatar of war”

cool, I thought, like a spirit or something that can fight with me in battle

well

we didn’t bother to investigate any further

“I’d like to use my magic hat,” Taxes says, thinking that an avatar of war might be able to fly and go attack Harrison from a distance

“oh my god,” says the DM, and from the light in his eyes you’d think one of us had just gotten down on one knee for him

“are you sure,” he asks in the DM Voice, and Taxes just shrugs because even if it doesn’t work, at least they’ll know what the hat does, right?

“yeah,” Taxes says, “I activate my magic hat”

“oh my god,” the DM says, and starts furiously writing something down

we wait with interest because we’re starting to get the feeling that the hat does something cool

who’d have thought

“okay,” he says, after a minute

“Taxes starts to glow and she steps off the ship,” he says

“what,” I say, because I’m wearing plate armor and don’t trust myself to roll high enough not to drown because of it

“a giant, 50 foot tall, glowing Taxes forms around her”

“what,” I say

“you’re standing on top of the water, piloting this giant spectral form from the inside”

“what,” I say

“your strength and dex are both 30 and you have 100 additional health,” he says.  “it’ll last for 10 minutes or until the 100 health are depleted”

“what,” we all say

“what would you like to do, avatar of war?” he asks

oh, I’M the avatar of war

THAT’S what the hat does

Taxes raises her arm and points at the pirate ship

HARRISON, she yells, in a voice that’s 50 feet tall and also glowing

the intimidation roll is a nat 20

Gregg does a perception check and the DM assures us that Harrison has peed himself

we all feel very smug

“I want that ship,” I say to the DM

“you- what?” he asks

“I want to have that ship. I’m going to pick up it up,” I say

“oh my god,” he says

“roll strength for it,” he says

Taxes rolls a nat 20 to pick up the ship

the second nat 20 in a row

all four of us are literally shaking with excitement

she scoops up the ship with one huge, glowing hand, and heaves it up to eye level

down on our boat, Gregg and Yule are going absolutely ape

Gregg is screaming encouragement, Yule is on the verge of ecstatic tears

this is also exactly how we feel in real life

“what do you want to do with the boat?” the DM says

“uhh,” I say, because I hadn’t thought that far ahead

we all contemplate the situation

“you could dropkick it,” someone says

“oh my god,” I say

we look at the DM

“roll something,” he says, because no one wants to see what’s about to happen more than he does

natural 20

the third one

in a row

this will probably never happen to me again, ever, in my life

all four of us are shouting at once, we’re on the verge of hysteria

I’m in tears

it’s nearly 1 am and we’re acting like we’ve won the superbowl 

this is the best possible outcome the magic hat could have had

“how do you want to do this?” the DM asks, which is his special ‘I’m going to give you gays everything you want’ phrase that usually means we get to decide the finishing blow for an enemy

“actually,” I say, “can I jump serve it?”

“oh my god,” someone says

that’s right.  beach volleyball, motherfuckers

“yes,” he says

50 foot Taxes tosses the boat into the air

takes a beautiful run-up

and spikes a boat full of pirates so hard that it soars over the coastline and crashes well inland

“wow,” the DM says.  “I’m gonna need some time to figure out how much experience this get you”

later, once he’s got it figured out, it will be enough to give Taxes two levels instantaneously as well as giving Gregg and Yule one each

Taxes goes back to the boats she’s been traveling with

EVERYONE on board is losing their goddamn minds

Yule and Taxes decide to ride the high and take a moment to make an extra big prayer to their god to thank him for the magic hat because it’s so incredibly baller

the roll is not a nat 20, but a holy fire descends upon Mega Taxes and the symbol of Deimos appears over her huge, spectral breastplate

Attack of the Fifty Foot Taxes decides to just pick up the ships she’s traveling with and carry them as far as her remaining 9 minutes of avatar time will get her

“what day is it,” I ask the DM as we’re doing this, because we’re tracking exactly what day it is in-game and it’s fun to know

“june 21st,” he says, after flipping through his notes

“huh,” someone says, “that’s the summer solstice”

“oh my god,” he says

you’ll never guess which patron deity’s major holiday is celebrated on the summer solstice

that’s a lie, you get one guess

it’s Deimos, god of fire and justice and war and being AWESOME as HELL

so

a giant, glowing figure of a dwarf in battered armor with the symbol of Deimos blazing on their chest was seen walking across the ocean just offshore of a major continent that is currently on the cusp of all-out civil war on the morning of Demios’ holy day

it’s just Taxes, who really only does these things on accident or on impulse in the heat of the moment

but the people of the continent don’t know that 

soon, after reaching our destination and starting off on foot towards the village where Yule’s wife lives, we start hearing rumors about the return of Deimos, the Real Ass God

this is what makes the third war my fault

the rumors are never disproven and people continue to believe that Deimos Really Did That until the day we called it quits

“oh my god,” Taxes, a very grudging paladin, says in horror, adjusting her bandana more firmly over her face

“oh my god,” says Gregg, who knows exactly how she’s going to be introducing her friend to the next person they meet

[markantonys]

just finished leia: princess of alderaan! here are my Thoughts

not as good as bloodline, but i still really liked it! the plot isn’t especially exciting (most of it revolves around leia discovering that her parents are helping form a rebellion, which the reader obviously already knows) but the character work is soooo good. the book bridges the gap between a relatively carefree child leia and the stoic leader we see in the OT, and watching leia grow up and learn hard truths about the world was touching and bittersweet

if you’re looking for organa family feels, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU. the most important/most emphasized relationship in the book was leia’s relationship with her parents (perhaps second to, dare i say, leia’s relationship with herself) and imo it was the book’s strongest aspect. we got lots of peeks into leia’s earlier childhood (she’s 16 in the book) while also seeing the three of them trying to navigate the changing relationship as leia grows from a child into a mature adult equal with her parents. lots of really moving moments between them that will surely enhance my emotions next time i watch leia’s adoption in rots and alderaan’s destruction in anh :(

we also learn some great stuff about breha, who was absent from the movies or any tv shows, so i was excited about that. there’s a particularly interesting backstory tidbit about her at the very end of the book, nothing dramatic but still an "aha” moment for me. she’s probably one of my favorite characters in the book, she was just awesome

another thing this book did really well is tie all three trilogies together. it’s set just before anh and so deals with OT-era problems with the empire and rebellion and everything, but it also features several PT/TCW-era characters (the organas and mon mothma ofc, captain panaka has a brief appearance) and leia even travels to naboo (well, one of its moons) at one point and it gave me all the feels. bail also mentions he had friends on naboo during the clone wars (padme!) and leia references something that happened during a specific episode of tcw. claudia gray clearly knows her stuff! and for the ST, leia first meets amilyn holdo in this book and strikes up a friendship with her, so that’s definitely going to emotionally enhance for me some scenes in tlj which i shall not spoil here

one thing that did kinda bother me about this book is that amilyn seemed like a completely different person than we saw in tlj, she was kind of a luna lovegood-esque character as opposed to a stern military commander. i like both versions of the character (the novel one more though) and of course i can see how someone’s personality would change after several decades and two massive civil wars, but still, it was hard to reconcile the two amilyns in my mind

leia did have a lil romance with, gasp, NOT HAN! which was sweet and ultimately served her character development quite well, and while i didn’t have any problem with it, it was probably the aspect of the book i cared about least. but it really is a fairly minor subplot and by no means overshadows leia’s personal journey, so for anyone out there who hates unnecessary romantic subplots (can’t relate), i will say that this one was pretty necessary for leia’s growth arc

bad thing about this book: NOT A SINGLE MENTION OF DARTH VADER!! tho it did get me wondering about what exactly is vader’s role in the empire from the average civilian’s perspective? maybe he’s not as prominent as i’d assumed, or maybe he only comes to the spotlight after the war truly breaks out since he’s a military figure rather than a political one

this book also does a nice job of referencing other characters without specifically naming them. the naboo sequence references padme quite heavily if you’re paying attention, but manages to do so without actually saying her name since obviously leia doesn’t know anything about her at this point. there’s some han and hanleia foreshadowing but of course han can’t be specifically named for the same reasons. there’s even a brief sentence or two where leia sees a man wearing a breathing mask and thinks how strange it must be for him to be on such a beautiful world (naboo) and not be able to breathe in its air naturally, which gave me some vader feels though i’m not sure it was intended to lmao

overall, definitely worth the read!! and it’s a pretty quick and easy read too (since i think it’s technically a YA novel?) i read the whole thing in two sittings, an hour last week and maybe 4-5 hours just now, so i’m sure i could’ve done it in one sitting if i’d had 6ish hours uninterrupted

[thestuckylibrary-bigbang]

Canon ‘Verse

This post contains sbb2017 works that fall into the category of canon compliant. They are sorted chronologically by when the story takes place.

The categories are Pre TFA, TFA Era, Post TWS and CACW/Post-CACW. Take your time and look through what authors and artists have been working on since June!

AU Part One | AU Part Two | AU Part Three | Masterpost

Pre TFA

The Olive Groves by AgentCoop

Rating: Teen and Up

Words: 25k

Archive Warnings: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence

Tags: 1940s, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Feels, World War II, Musician Bucky Barnes, Artist Steve Rogers, Living TogetherMutual Pining, Off-Screen Major Character Death, Angst, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts

Summary

In the summer of 1942, war is on everyone's minds. Jobs are scarce, and boys are shipping out daily, but Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes have each other.

Steve wants to fight, and Bucky doesn't. In the end, it won't much matter.

Told in four parts, this story encompasses a year in Steve and Bucky's life prior to Bucky's draft notice, his time on the Italian front, his life for the next five years as he tries to pick up the broken pieces of his shattered mental state and put everything back together,and his inevitable return to Brooklyn for Steve.

TFA era

a perfect soldier by SouthSideStory

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: Graphic Violence

Words: 20,243

Relationship: Steve Rogers / Bucky Barnes

Tags: canon-compliant, WWII fic, suicidal ideations, implied/referenced suicide, period-typical homophobia, antisemitism, descriptions of past torture, PTSD, unhealthy relationships, minor Bucky/OFC

Summary: Steve looks like a stranger these days, but at least the way he smiles at Bucky is the same: soft, fond, and a little bit smitten. It used to bother him, that the friend he considered a brother didn’t see him the same way. He’s never thought any less of Steve for it, but he also wasn’t quite comfortable with being the object of his affection. Now Bucky couldn’t care less how Steve loves him, as long as it means that Steve loves him most.

fanvid by shirasade | youtube | tumblr

gifset by shirasade​ | tumblr

Meet Me On The Darkest Night by Cryofreeze

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Words: 70k

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers( But she really just flirts with him)

Characters: Steve Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes, Peggy Carter, Howling Commandos, Colonel Phillips, Arnim Zola, Howard Stark

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, World War II, Captain America: The First Avenger, Canon Compliant, Protective Bucky Barnes, Steve’s identity crisis, Rescue Mission

Summary: 

“I know you think it wasn’t my fault, Buck…”

“You had to make a decision, there was no right or wrong choice.”

Steve blinked miserably at the stone step beneath his knees, grinding grit into his so-called uniform. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be a Commanding Officer.” He forced back a lump in his throat threatening to constrict his voice. “Or Captain America…”

~ ~ ~ ~

After the Howling Commandos’ last mission goes awry, Steve questions his morals and self worth as a soldier… and as Captain America. He struggles to believe in himself and the man he thought he was, but being thrust back out on another dangerous mission gives him little time to choose between his own self-doubts or giving his all to save 1,000 prisoners of war from Hydra’s clutches.

With the aid of Peggy Carter and the unwavering support of Bucky Barnes, they set out on a rescue mission inside the confines of a medieval fortress in WWII Europe. However, Steve isn’t the only one to find the ghosts of the place crawl under his skin…

There’s angst, action and an emotionally driven core to the tale of how Steve Rogers is forced to come to terms with what it really means to be Captain America.

Art by @samthebirdbae (10 black and white drawings)

Art by FieryEclipse (AO3) is embedded in Chapter One of the fic

The End of a Century by whatthefoucault (tumblr)

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: None

Words: 20,000

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli, Mr. Proctor/Rebecca Barnes Proctor, Rebecca Barnes Proctor/Original Female Character, Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Rebecca Barnes Proctor, Howard Stark & Rebecca Barnes Proctor, James “Bucky” Barnes & Rebecca Barnes Proctor & Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson

Tags: Slice of Life, Period Typical Attitudes, Recovery, Artificial Intelligence, Jewish Bucky Barnes, New York City, Canon-Typical Violence, Hospitals, Sexual Content, Pregnancy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)

Summary: This is the story of a sister and her brother.As the shadow of the war fades and gives way to new conflicts, Becca Barnes battles the constraints of the twentieth century: an education, a marriage, a career, with the ghosts of her youth never far from her memory.  As the twenty-first century barrels on through its awkward teenage phase, Bucky Barnes builds a new life, with new friends, and a burgeoning relationship with his lifelong companion Steve, the erstwhile Captain America, as they struggle to find their place in the world.

The last time Becca saw her brother was on the eve of war; neither of them expected, some seventy-something years, a hip replacement, and one new arm later, to be reunited.This is a story about family.

Art by @samthebirdbae

Art by @blue-pointer

The Rabbit in the Hat by poppyfields13

Story by @poppyfields13fic​(AO3) Art by @kikisloveschocolate​ (AO3) Art by @ewburnthatshit​ (AO3)

Words: 37586 Rating: Explicit Tags: Alternate Universe–1940s, WWII, Bucky Barnes-centric, veteran Bucky Barnes, bisexual Bucky Barnes, skinny Steve Rogers, Gay bar, roommates, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, pining Warnings: Graphic violence, battle scene, PTSD, disability, period typical ableism, ableist slurs, period typical homophobia, Bucky/OCs, emetophobia trigger, smoking Summary: What if Bucky doesn’t meet Steve until the night before he leaves for the war? Bucky didn’t think he would ever see Steve again, after their one night together. But when he returns from the war, injured and struggling to readjust, he advertises for a roommate, and is surprised when Steve is the one to answer. Bucky realises he wants more than just friendship from Steve, but he doesn’t know if he’s ready, or if Steve even feels the same way about him.

Post TWS

Cause Two Outta Three Ain't Bad (But Three Outta Three Is Better) by AdelenMontgomery

Rating: Teen and Up

Words: 25k

Archive Warnings: None

Tags: Non-Graphic Violence, Period-Typical Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Happy Ending, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence

SummaryBucky Barnes could tell you the exact moment he knew what love felt like. Not love in the family sense, or the friend sense, or anything like that, but in the love of his life or we’re soulmates kinda way. Not that he knew it at the time, of course, because how could he have possibly known? He knew it was love, sure, but how could he have known that it was the kind that was life-altering? But, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

Ceremony of Innocence by @velvetjinx

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 22.8k

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: alternate universe: canon divergence, no cryo for Bucky, Captain America: Civil War spoilers, Fluff and Angst, Shameless smut, emetophobia, canon typical/compliant violence, choking, Bucky Barnes-centric, Bucky Barnes recovering

Summary: After saving Steve Rogers from the river in the wake of the failed Project Insight, Bucky is on a mission to find himself. As the memories come back thick and fast, he has to figure out exactly who he is now. But when someone blows up the building where the Sokovian Accords are to be signed and the Winter Soldier is blamed, he finds his new life at risk and realises that, for him, the fight may never stop.

Vid by @dracusfyre

Meridian

by

tippet 

Artwork

by

theladymania

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 31,700

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Natasha Romanov, Sam Wilson, post-CA:TWS, standard winter soldier warnings, recovery, ft. a literal long and winding road

Summary: The finding goes both ways. (Steve goes missing; the soldier goes after him.)

Stop and Say You Love Me by eyesofshinigami 

Rating: Explicit

Words: 20k

Tags:Fluff, Smut, Light Angst, Mentions of memory loss, lots of book talk, Friends to LoversTen points to anyone who gets the book references 

Summary: Bucky doesn't ever remember he and Steve's shared past. Steve doesn't fault him or blame him, it just is what it is. They're dealing with it together, even though their friends don't always seem to understand. None of that stops them from figuring out how they used to fit together. It's not the same, but maybe it's something even better than before.

The Grand Plan by velleities

Rating: M

Words: 25k

Archive Warnings: Chose Not To Use

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Some angst, Dealing with PTSD, Some Alcohol Use, Bucky Discovers This Brave New World, Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Pre-TFA Relationship

SummaryThe Soldier doesn’t mean to be menacing, even if it's become the impression he naturally gives off. He wants to be a person, first and foremost, but he wants to be the right kind of person too, and that leads him to one irrefutable conclusion: he owes an apology to Captain America– an apology that he has to deliver, if the Soldier wants to be who he aspires. It’s just proving out to be a little harder than he thought...

CACW and post CACW

A Song for Eurydice by Optimustaud @optimustaud

Rating: M

Archive Warnings:  Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 19999

Relationships:  Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: cursing, torture, medical experimentation, suicidal ideation, mental illness, body horror, cannon divergence, motown and soul

Summary:  Ten years after the events of The Winter Soldier Steve tracks Bucky to an abandoned Hydra base in Siberia.  

Read the fic on AO3

Art by @riakomai / @artbyria

in these times of dying By: Marley Mortis

Rating:  M

Warnings: Graphic Violence

Tags:  Depressed Steve, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Codependency, Binge Eating, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with A Happy Ending, Asexual Steve Rogers

Relationships:  Steve Rogers/James “Bucky” Barnes

Summary:  Steve’s fine. Bucky would rather be in cryostasis than anywhere near Steve Rogers, but Steve’s doing a-okay. Who cares if he’s angry all the time? He’s just peachy. Those weird fevers he’s been getting? Nothing to worry about, because Steve’s finer than frog hair. All he’s gotta do is destroy the last remnants of Hydra, figure out a way to disable Bucky’s code words, grieve Peggy’s death, and figure out what in the Hell to do with himself now that he’s not Captain America and Tony wants his head on a silver platter. Still fine, though.

A canon compliant character study into Steve Rogers’ mental state following the events of CA:Civil War.

Art By: Turn_turn_turn

Mirrors in the Smoke by JudeAraya

Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Dissociation, Mental Breakdown, reference to past torture, steve has repressed feelings, Therapy, CBT, EMDR, Psychotherapy, reference to food triggers, Dom/sub Undertones,Happy Ending

Summary

Steve told Sam and Natasha once that even when he had nothing, he’d had Bucky. The truth, he realized, was that without Peggy and Bucky, without the world he knew, Steve couldn’t even be Steve. But he could be Captain America. Steve’s been a stranger in a new world for a long time and Captain America was his best secret keeper.

Having Bucky back should be the thing that puts him back together, right? Finding him, being with him – it’s everything Steve’s pinned his hopes on. It’s a fucker of a truth now, to find this out – that Steve needed Captain America as much as anything else.

Only, Steve gave him up. Steve is no longer Captain America and he is definitely not well.

~*~ My contribution to the 2017 Stucky Big Bang. Spans from 2012 (post Steve coming out of the ice) to past Civil War

Perilous Underside of the World by eyres

Rating: Mature

Words:52k

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Action/Adventure, Competence Kink, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort

SummaryAfter Steve becomes an unwilling subject in Ross's pet weapons project to make a next gen super soldier, Bucky is awakened from cryo to join a daring rescue operation to save Steve from an impenetrable government base on the Antarctica coastline. When things go belly up, Steve and Bucky must strike out on their own across the hostile landscape, with Ross's men close behind.AKA 'The one where Steve throws a snowmobile at a helicopter.'

The Way to a Man’s Heart by TetrodotoxinB

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Words: 54k

Relationships: Sam Wilson / Bucky Barnes / Steve Rogers

Tags: Torture, Disordered eating, PTSD (multiple characters), Medical procedures, Suicidal ideation and behaviors, Steve/Sam/Bucky, hurt/comfort, Canon typical violence, Happy ending, Smut!!!!

Summary: Bucky wakes up from cryo in Wakanda eight months after the Accords and the fracturing of the Avengers. With the collective scientific genius of Stark, Banner, and Pym, Bucky has the priming sequence erased permanently from his mind. No longer the Winter Soldier, and having been cleared of his crimes following a dissolution of the Accords, Bucky returns to the states to try his hand at a normal life, or at least at doing good in the world. That normalcy is shattered when, after a mission gone wrong, some of Bucky’s conditioning reasserts itself and he’s forced to start back at square one. Bucky fights the physical and mental pain of his conditioning to learn to eat again after years of never being allowed solid food by HYDRA. At the same time, Steve is forced to confront his longest held beliefs. Through all of it, Bucky, Sam, and Steve fall together in different ways as they are forced to face their troubles and their pasts.

Art by TheRothwoman and ICouldDoThisAllDay

things of dry hours by jinlinli, 

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 32,154

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Canon Compliant, Angst, Slow Burn, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Mid-Credits Scene, Painting, Art History, Character Study

Summary: Bucky’s clothes rustle when he pulls a pocket knife from his jacket. He eyes the scratchings in the trees before carefully carving his name next to a crude stick figure with a gun. “You remember what it was like,” Bucky says, knife still in hand. “Don’t you?” Steve thinks of the flat surface of an ocean, the dreams of floating. A lukewarm sea lapping against his knees as he drifted alone. Water dripping off his chin. His eyes opened in a strange bed and a strange world. “Just a little, yeah.” Bucky nods. “I don’t feel cold anymore.” “I—me too.”

In the year after they leave the bunker in Siberia, Steve and Bucky find solace in painting, and maybe in the process, relearn how to be around each other again.

Oil paint colors art by Artbyria

Bucky’s self portrait art by artbyria

Two Idiots and a Baseball Game by RealTJHammond 

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 20k

Relationships: Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes

Trigger warnings :Light to medium BDSM,Spanking,Anal sex,choking,Homophobes.

Important Tags: post-civil war, bdsm, spanking, anal sex, pet play, homophobia, library, ptsd

Summary: It’s a year after civil war, I’m working a library just to kill time and so that I don’t have to deal with Stark complaining at me. Stark’s pranks get worse, so I stay near Steve, slowly falling in love with him, feeling the assassin part of me slowly disappearing. Steve and I fall more and more in love, soon getting together. I love when Steve gets dominant and soon we find out we want to have a BDSM relationship. I stay at Steve’s feet during movie nights,dinner, wherever and whenever he wants. Art by chalenmimi-frenchtoast  (http://chalenmimi-frenchtoast.tumblr.com)

Unspooling by mage_girl

Rating: T

Archive Warnings:  Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings

Word Count: 53K

Relationships:  Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes, Thor & Jane, Clint Barton & Laura Barton

Tags: Geeks, Star Wars, Reconnection, Meta

Summary: After the events of Civil War, after Bucky is free of his trigger words courtesy of Wakanda, after the rescue from the Raft, the former Avengers get together for what Steve hopes is the beginning of a reconciliation and the mending of friendships.Bucky has never seen any of the ‘Star Wars’ movies so they decide to watch the movies together.Cue loads of conversation, geeking out, inside jokes, and maybe, just maybe, some resolution.

Art by whatthefoucault