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rocorambles · 3 years

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A Game of Cat and Mouse

Pairing: Iwaizumi x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Cop and Criminal AU (Cop Iwaizumi, Criminal Reader), NSFW, Sex Toys, Degradation, Overstimulation, Bondage

Summary: Bad girls get punished. And criminals who go out of their way to make Iwaizumi’s life hell on a routine basis deserve extra special punishment.

Author’s Note: This is for the NSFW Haikyuu HQ Gifting Event! @multifandhoem I hope you enjoy~ (I really got carried away with the plot in this fic. One day I will learn how to write porn without plot, but for now, please accept my porn with way too much plot.)

Irritating Iwaizumi Hajime might be your favorite activity in the world. There’s just something so satisfying about watching his usually calm and stoic face shatter into an angry feral mess. And maybe, just maybe, something deep in your belly stirs as he growls and snarls at you, something primal in you writhing in excitement as he bares his teeth at you and chases you.

You’ve lived a life of sins and crimes for as long as you can remember, but hard work has taken you a long way. So really, there isn’t any need for you to continue your petty thieving ways. You’re set for life with the money you’ve accrued from the countless successful exchanges you’ve made. It’s almost obscene just how much people are willing to pay for a few shiny stones or swatches of paint on a canvas.

And yet you can’t help yourself from revisiting your bad habits of creeping in the shadows, analyzing floor plans, strategizing routes. Only now, your plans are centered around a brooding spiky haired cop with the most beautiful green eyes you’ve ever seen instead of the number of zeros at the end of a number.

You don’t know exactly what about Iwaizumi resonates so strongly with you. Sure, he’s handsome, but you’ve run into your fair share of handsome officers. You dare say Officer Sawamura could give Iwaizumi a run for his money in the looks department.

Maybe it’s the hints of wildness you see underneath his straight-laced façade.

Maybe it’s the fire you see blazing behind his reserved countenance.

Whatever it is has you keeping tabs on him, has you concocting plans just sloppy enough for Iwaizumi to get tantalizingly close to you, but put together enough to have you escaping his grasp each and every time. And you cackle at the way his eyes light up when he thinks he has you pinned down, only to furiously scowl at your retreating figure when you taunt him with a flirtatious air kiss and a cheeky “maybe next time, sir”.

It’s an endless game of cat and mouse, but you don’t think you’ll ever tire of it. And you’re beginning to suspect that even Iwaizumi finds it amusing to a certain degree.

You had been at a loss for words when the officer had merely trudged into the jewelry store you had been waiting for him in at your last heist, only to casually lean against the wall, folding his arms across his chest as he regarded you holding the store’s most expensive strings of diamonds and pearls in your hands, teasingly holding them up to his face. And you hesitantly lower your arm, unsure what to do as the silence and stillness of the night stretches.

There’s no growled threats or pointed firearm in your face like there usually would be right about now. And you swear there’s a hint of a smirk on the handsome face across from you as the two of you just stand there, stuck in the strange heady tension filling the air.

But you almost drop everything you’re holding at Iwaizumi’s next words.

“If you want my attention that badly, there are better ways of going about it.”

It’s Iwaizumi’s turn to laugh as your trademark smirk falls off the lower unmasked part of your face and he confidently saunters over to you, strong arms boxing you in against the glass counter, enjoying the rush of power he feels about the tables finally turning as you shyly look anywhere but at him. And something roars triumphantly inside of him when you gasp as he hooks his hand under your chin and forces you to meet him gaze on.

“I’ve spent the last few months wracking my brain for answers. Why were you suddenly committing so many meaningless robberies? Robberies of stores and items so far beneath your caliber? Was it just coincidence that you were only committing crimes on the routes and nights I was working? Was I just imagining that it seemed like you were actively trying to avoid injuring me every time we clashed? None of it made any sense. But then your stupid flirting started and it made me think that maybe there was some rhyme and reason to your suddenly erratic behavior after all.”

There’s silence as he lets you register his words and the rattling of jewelry as he plucks the expensive strands out of your hands and carelessly tosses them back in their case. But he softly smiles when you don’t deny his words and make no move to push him away or escape.

“I believe in new beginnings and fresh starts, so when you’re done with your thieving ways, come find me. I’m curious about the woman under the mask.”

It’s weeks before you have the courage to even secretly trail after Iwaizumi again after that encounter and even then, you don’t do anything but keep watch over him.

His words echo in your mind and you don’t have the urge to steal and ring an alarm to beckon him towards you. Not when the greatest treasure of all is just within your grasp whenever you’re ready to summon the will to finally reveal your identity and meet him person to person in broad daylight instead of slithering around each other in the twisted tango of cop and criminal.

But you aren’t ready yet and you merely keep tabs on him for now, curiosity and protectiveness getting the better of you, and if Iwaizumi notices the moving shadow that seems to follow him wherever he goes, he doesn’t bring attention to it. There’s something comforting, maybe even endearing, about how you’ve become a guardian angel of sorts to him, especially with the increasing body count and grizzly crimes being committed. And although he wishes you were safe and sound, tucked far away from the ricocheting bullets and corpses, his heart warms at the bouquet of lilies he finds on his doorsteps when he stumbles back home, empty and defeated, the weight of his partner’s death from a particularly bloody shootout still fresh on his mind.

There’s no note, no letter, but he knows. Knows that it could only be you, knows that no one outside of his team or the criminals they had been fighting with could possibly know about the death so soon unless they happened to witness the scene. And that night he sobs himself to sleep, clutching your flowers to his chest, unaware of the way you forlornly stare at him from the roof across the street, heart aching and wishing more than anything that you weren’t such a coward, that you were brave enough to slip inside and comfort him in person.

But life has a funny way of working, of not caring if you’re ready or not and your lives crash together once more in an unexpected way.

Iwaizumi is promoted to lead the new task force aimed at squashing down the rising crime syndicates. You’re proud of him, but you can’t quell the anxiety that courses through you as you watch every raid that takes place, wondering if and when the day will come where he’ll be outmaneuvered, keeping your own skills sharp, praying that you’ll never have to use them again, but just in case…

And you thank whoever’s listening that you had kept up with your training as Iwaizumi’s team is ambushed and overpowered one night. Your heart drops and bile rises in your throat as officer after officer crumples to the floor, but you force yourself to calm down, to find an internal steady rhythm as you glide through the shadows, swiftly and secretly making your way towards the man you’ve become so attached to.

You fight down the panic when you finally reach him, try to still the tremble in your hands as you quickly scan the growing dark red stain spreading across his shirt from his wounds, almost collapsing in relief when you find that they’re all superficial wounds, nothing life threatening or critical.

The silent scuffle between the two of you is awful and you’re thankful that blood loss and pain have weakened him as you forcefully drag him away, nails gripping tightly into his skin as you roughly lead him to your apartment despite his struggling, despite his desperate desire to go back and help his few remaining teammates. And you’re both fiercely snarling at each other when you’re finally safe inside your apartment, fury raging in both of you as you snap at each other.

“You should have let me stay and help!”

“So that you could end up dead like the rest of them? You were clearly outpowered and outnumbered!”

“Well you should have just let me die then, instead of helping me escape like a coward.”

A resounding crack echoes throughout the room and it takes you some time to register the smarting pain in the palm of your hand and the fresh red mark on Iwaizumi’s cheek. But before you can even stutter an apology, a hand is fisting the front of your shirt and lips are crashing against yours in an angry impassioned act and you whimper as you are forced to taste his frustration and gratitude, his losses and gain, his despair and hope.

And when he disconnects and the two of you gasp for much needed oxygen, you stand in the middle of your apartment, arms wrapped around each other, only the sounds of Iwaizumi’s sobs and your comforting words flitting through the air as he buries his face in the crook of your neck and you rub soothing patterns on his back.

The rest of the night is a domestic peaceful drawl and you gently lead Iwaizumi to an armchair in your living room before scurrying away to rummage for your first aid kit and returning to kneel between his legs as you clean his injuries, apologizing as he winces at the sting of warm water and soap against his open wounds. There’s a soothing flow as you tend to him and you relax with every swipe of the towel, fingers and hands lingering just a tad longer than they should on his skin. But you stiffen when his uninjured arm raises and calloused fingers lightly trace the bottom of your mask.

There’s an unspoken question in the way he delicately plays around with the corners of the fabric, but it seems deafening to you as your heart races. Maybe it’s the pure intentions in his eyes or the fact that your walls are weakened in the confines of your apartment, but either way, you don’t pull away, tilting your head up and stilling in silent confirmation. And something flutters in your chest as he gingerly removes your mask, heat rising to your face as green eyes stare at your face in awe for the first time, fingertips tracing every inch and line, mapping every groove reverently.

It feels like eternity before you resume dipping the towel into the soapy water and treating him. But bandaged and deemed well, Iwaizumi is ushered to your shower and you shove a pile of clean towels and the largest loungewear you have into his hands, fully intent on locking him in the bathroom as you get a grip on yourself. But he has different plans in mind and you’re speechless as he firmly grasps your wrist before you can retreat with your tail between your legs.

“Stay with me. Please.”

How could you possibly deny those honest eyes?

Swipes of a soapbar against skin become intimate caresses and before you fully register what’s happening, you’re being pressed against the wall as Iwaizumi plunders your mouth, rough hands roaming all over your body as he fully explores everything you have to offer. You whimper as the hot water is suddenly turned off, the cold air crashing against you, but you let out a content sigh as a hot body wraps you in its embrace, carrying you to the sanctuary of your plush bedding. And all you know before you blissfully pass out is the sound of your wanton moans as you break apart over and over again, on Iwaizumi’s tongue, fingers, and cock, tears and drool cascading down your face as you alternate between begging for more and crying for him to let you rest before you ultimately pass out from the deliriously overwhelming ecstasy.

The sun is barely creeping in, a few slim tendrils slipping past the cracks of your window blinds when his eyes flutter open and something warm spreads in his chest as he slowly turns to observe your still soundly sleeping figure, a small upward quirk of his lips betraying how right it feels to wake up beside your vulnerable state. And although he can’t deny the allure of your body creeping through the night, he thinks that you’re the most beautiful like this, unmasked and body unconsciously seeking his presence and warmth as you curl into his space, your face nuzzling into his chest, head perfectly settled under his chin, the soft glow of sunlight enhancing your natural beauty.

But he grimaces as his alarm continues to blaringly ring in the background, frowning as he reluctantly separates himself from you and carefully untangles himself from your bed sheets, quietly traipsing out of your room and dialing a number on his phone when he’s out of your earshot.

Guilt and dread claw at him as the ringtone goes on and on and his throat is dry when he hears the authoritative voice through the speakers.

“Iwaizumi? Are you okay?!”

Iwaizumi wishes he had a glass of water as he chokes out a polite greeting and he can feel hot tears prick at his eyes as he ceaselessly apologizes. Apologizing for abandoning his men. Apologizing for a failed mission. Apologizing for being such a failure as an officer, as a leader.

But he quickly shuts up at the sharp tone that pierces his ear as Sawamura barks his name and he waits and waits, holding his breath, preparing to give up his badge, only to splutter in surprise at the warm relieved chuckle echoing across the speaker.

“I’m glad you’re at least well enough to give me a headache with your wallowing. Good men died and we’re going to feel their loss for a long time. I won’t deny that. But no one blames you, Iwaizumi. You’re a good man, a great officer, and an even better leader. Rest up, grieve, mourn. Do whatever you need to do for the next few days. And when you’re ready, I expect to see you in my office so we can strategize about how we’re going to honor our fallen teammates by giving these criminals hell.”

He barely has time to stammer a “yes, sir” before the line clicks shut and the tears finally roll down his face as he clutches his phone in his hands, bittersweet gratefulness and sorrow blending together. And as his cries come to an end, a determined glint flickers in his eyes as he wipes the last of the salty trails away, the resolve of a man seeking vengeance forming inside of him.

But that could wait until he was back in the swirl and chaos of the precinct. For now, he has other loose ends to tie and he quietly walks back to your room, smiling at the sight of your still slumbering figure nestled in your blankets as he makes his way towards you, intent on slipping back underneath the covers besides you. But he lets out a muffled pained curse as his foot knocks over a box besides your bed, the crash of objects dispersing across the wood floor rattling you awake, and you blearily blink your eyes open only to stare in shock and horror as Iwaizumi curiously holds up a set of black bondage restraints and a jeweled butt plug from among the scattered items, before sending an amused look and a quirked brow your way.

If you were drowsy before, you’re wide awake now as you lunge out of bed, throwing yourself at Iwaizumi as you frantically try to regain possession of some of your most intimate belongings, pouting when he holds the items out of reach, a mischievous grin on his face as he looks down at you.

“Are you familiar with the stoplight system?”

You pause your futile jumping as you try and bat your toys out of his hands, balking at the underlying meaning in his question, waiting for him to just laugh it off and move on. But when all he does is bring a warm hand to gently cup your face, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone as he patiently gazes at you, letting you make the final decision, you melt and lean into his touch, shyly nodding your head as you blissfully sigh at the way it feels so right for him to be touching you.

“Words, princess. I’m not going to be gentle. Not after all the teasing and headaches you’ve caused me. So I need to be sure you’re ok with this, that it’s what you want.”

Brief descriptions of red, yellow, and green are barely out of your mouth before you’re suddenly being forcefully shoved onto the bed, body instinctively flailing in self-defense as you try to register what’s happening while binds are roughly being wrapped around your wrists and ankles. But you mewl in arousal as Iwaizumi’s weight settles on top of you, his hard chest pressing you against the bed as he dexterously ties you up until you’re in a spread-eagled position underneath him, unable to move even an inch. And your breath hitches at the hungry look he pins you down with as he sits back and enjoys the view of your trussed up body on complete display for him.

But you grow impatient as the minutes drag by and Iwaizumi gives you an unimpressed look as you begin to fight against your restraints, whining for him to get on with it already. And he shuts you up with a punishing pinch to your inner thigh that has you yelping before getting up from the bed and perusing your box of toys.

You crane your neck in every way as you try to get a sneak peek of what he has in store for you, but Iwaizumi puts that idea to a screeching halt as he slips a blindfold around your head and all you know is darkness and anticipation. Despite the way you try to intently listen for any warning, you squeal in surprise when a hot wet mouth latches onto one of your nipples, fingers tweaking the other and your entire world narrows down to your two perky buds, the lewd wet sounds of sucking filling your ears. Mouth and hands alternate and you can’t keep up with the fluctuating patterns, your breath coming out in pants, your pussy beginning to glisten with arousal, and you sigh in relief when the assault stops, glad to have a moment of reprieve, only to wail when the intense pressure of nipple clamps sears through you, the cold weight of the chain connecting the two clamps piercing your senses as it settles onto your skin.

Pain and pleasure echo through your mind so loudly that you don’t sense Iwaizumi moving until fingers suddenly slip inside your dripping pussy and your back arches, the nipple clamp chain jingling with the movement and a rush of humiliation courses through you when Iwaizumi chuckles, commenting on how wet you are already.

“I was going to prep you a bit more, but looks like this cock hungry hole is more than ready.”

You’re practically salivating as something hard nudges against your entrance, already delirious just from the prospect of being filled with Iwaizumi’s cock once again, but enthusiasm turns to confusion which turns to pleasured shock as your rabbit vibrator is shoved inside of you and immediately set to its highest setting, your clit and walls stimulated so sharply, so suddenly.

It’s so good, but it’s not enough, it’s too much, it’s not what you want.

“Haji-Hajime, please. Want to cum on your cock. Don’t want a toy! Too much. At least turn it down. Haji-AHHHH!”

You scream as you’re forced to an orgasm, body convulsing, jaw going slack, and you wait for the toy to be removed, wait for the settings to be lowered, only for dread and disbelief to fill you as a sticky thick substance is being inserted into your puckered hole, a lubed finger slowly entering you, taking its time to explore and spread your tight hole as the vibrator continues to ravage your pussy and clit at full intensity. And drool begins to seep from the corners of your mouth as you tumble headfirst into overstimulation as a plug replaces the fingers inside of your ass, nestling inside of you as you come to terms with the overwhelming feeling of being double stuffed.

“Ha-Hajime please please please. Too much. I can’t-”

The plug inside of you is teasingly pulled just enough for you to feel the stretch of your hole, only to be shoved inside you once again and words are too hard to think of as the vibrator is thrust in and out of you, the slick sounds of your gushing cunt embarrassingly loud even above your whimpers.

“Maybe I should make you cum for every robbery you ever committed. Maybe then you’ll actually behave and be a law-abiding citizen. Would you like that? Being too fucked out to even think about breaking the law?”

“No! Please! I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I swear. Just please let me rest.”

“Sorry, princess. Bad girls need to be punished.”

A strangled sob escapes you as the vibrator is pushed even deeper inside of you, the smaller tip grinding even further into your clit and your cries are swallowed as Iwaizumi settles besides you, affectionately capturing your lips with his as he watches you break apart once again, smirking as your body and face try to draw closer to him, seeking comfort and relief as overwhelming pleasure drowns you.

But he doesn’t stop. Not even when your begging and pleading turns into incoherent babbles and wanton noises. Not even when you’re too tired to even move, your body only twitching here and there from overstimulation, completely slack and mindless as pleasure melts your brain into mush.

Only when the vibrator finally runs out of batteries hours later, the mechanical whirring coming to an end, does he finally relieve you of the object and you dazedly stare at him as he removes your tear-stained blindfold, slumping in relief that it’s finally over, wanting nothing more than to curl up in Iwaizumi’s arms and sleep for a long, long time.

But he has other plans for the two of you and even in your exhausted state, your eyes fling wide open and you weakly whimper as he positions himself in between your legs, guiding his cock to your spent hole and easily slipping inside before caging you with his arms.

Your eyes roll back at the sudden intrusion and despite how wrecked you are, how used you feel, arousal once again begins to coil up inside of you as your walls accommodate the new object.

All you can think about is the cock inside of you. All you can think about is the way it fills and stretches you. All you can think about is the way it drags against your sensitive walls as Iwaizumi begins to piston his hips in a brutal steady rhythm.

The room is a cacophony of Iwaizumi’s grunts, your broken moans, the sound of skin slapping against skin and you can feel yourself losing to the pleasure as the now all too familiar knot in your stomach tightens once again, your body tensing and pulling taut against your restraints as something builds up inside of you.

Iwaizumi isn’t doing much better, so pent up from watching you beautifully fall apart over and over again in front of him, so close to the real thing as he hovers above you, memorizing the blissed out look on your face, mentally recording every gorgeous sound that slips past your lips, and this time it’s all because of him.

He increases his pace, groaning as your walls tighten around him as if they don’t ever want him to leave them empty, something feral inside of him howling as your mouth opens in a silent scream as you crash one last time, your body shaking and trembling, your cunt spasming around him as he spills long thick stripes inside of you.

When there’s nothing left to give, every last drop of his essence deep within you, your body boneless and limp beneath him, he gently lays on top of you, burying his face in the space besides yours, murmuring praises and words of affirmation as he blankets your body with his.

And when you finally come back to him, eyes looking a little more clear, voice regaining your sassy tone as you demand that he undo your restraints, he’s more than happy to oblige, carefully releasing you, rubbing every sore limb, letting you use him as your personal body pillow as you throw your arms and legs around him and bury your face into his chest, almost instantly falling into a deep exhausted slumber in the safety of his presence.

There will be proper, much needed conversations and discussions when the two of you are both awake, sitting across each other with steaming mugs of coffee placed in front of you, hesitantly yet hopefully probing for answers. What are the two of you? What does the future hold for both of you?

But for now, Iwaizumi lets his eyes shut, lets himself be lulled by the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as he holds you close to him, protectively curling around you as sleep embraces him.

#haikyuu smut #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #Iwaizumi #Iwaizumi Hajime #haikyuu x reader

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critical-goat · 3 years

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Obey Me!: Tarot Deck

I finally did my research and..... this is what I think an Obey Me! based tarot deck would look like. As a general warning, spoilers are abound. Many spoilers, so beware reader. Certain cards have been left blank both due to the lack of female characters and the fact not every card fit a character.

Currently, Barbatos is the only major character that is missing. Funny how the character that sees through time is the one that didn’t fit a card. The brothers minus Satan each have two cards, one for their angel form and one for the demon form, both to help fill out the deck and because certain characters fit more than one card.

I may eventually do full explanations one day, but for now I give this.

A side note, this is not official, but rather my personal beliefs which cards they would be assigned.

0, The Fool- MC, Lilith

standard- beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit, potential, opportunity

reversed- holding back, recklessness, risk taking

As a general note, the Fool begins the deck with 0 as opposed to 1 as it is the number of unlimited potential, and not giving the card a specific spot in the deck. The Fool may appear in any spot in a deck.

1, The Magician- Solomon

standard- manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired action

reversed- manipulation, poor planning, untapped talents

2, The High Priestess

3, The Empress

4, The Emperor- Lucifer (demonic manifestation)

standard- authority, establishment, structure (the protector)

reversed- domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility

5, The Hierophant- Luke

standard- spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, tradition

reversed- personal beliefs, freedom

6, The Lovers

7, The Chariot- Mammon (angelic manifestation)

standard- control, willpower, action, determination, strength

reversed- self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

8, Strength- Asmodeus (angelic manifestation)

standard- courage, persuasion, influence, compassion (inner strength, endurance)

reversed- self-doubt, low energy, raw emotion

9, The Hermit- Leviathan (demonic manifestation)

standard- searching, introspection, being alone, inner guidance (to search, to seek, a guide)

reversed- isolation, withdrawal, loneliness

10, Wheel of Fortune- Mammon (demonic manifestation)

standard- good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point (constant change)

reversed- bad luck, resistance to change, breaking cycles

11, Justice- Simeon

standard- justice, fairness, truth, cause and effect (assessment of choice)

reversed- unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty (a choice)

12, The Hanged Man- Satan

standard- pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives (a push forward)

reversed- delays, resistance, stalling, indecision (a rest)

13, Death- The Brothers Fall (Satan’s birth, not unlike the animation for his UR card Our Stories End)

standard- endings, change, transformation, transition

reversed- stagnation, resistance to change, inner purging

14, Temperance- Beelzebub (demonic manifestation)

standard- balance, moderation, patience, purpose (stabilising energy)

reversed- imbalance, excess, self-healing, re-alignment

15, The Devil- Asmodeus (demonic manifestation)

standard- shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction (trapped between short term gratification and long term payoff)

reversed- releasing limiting beliefs, detachment

What pushed me to choose Asmodeus for The Devil is that in most tarot decks, the Devil card is depicted by Baphomet, a representation of the balance between good and evil, man and animal, and male and female and known for its hypnotic gaze. In most depictions, Baphomet has vampire bat wings, symbolic for the consequences of giving in to raw desires.

16, The Tower- Belphegor (demonic manifestation)

standard- sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening (an external change, forceful)

reversed- personal transformation, fear of change (internal, instigated by the self)

17, The Star- Lucifer (angelic manifestation)

standard- hope, faith, purpose, renewal, spirituality, (personal growth, development)

reversed- lack of faith, despair, self-trust, disconnection (a test of faith)

18, The Moon- Belphegor (angelic manifestation)

standard- illusion, fear, anxiety, intuition, subconscious (a projection of emotion)

reversed- release of fear, repressed emotion, inner confusion

19, The Sun- Beelzebub (angelic manifestation)

standard- positivity, fun, warmth, success, vitality (inner power and strength, free of ego and power through fear)

reversed- inner child, feeling down, overly optimistic

20, Judgement- Diavolo

standard- judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution (spiritual awakening)

reversed- self-doubt, inner critic, ignoring the calling (reflection, self evaluation)

21, The World-Leviathan (angelic manifestation)

standard- completion, integration, accomplishment, travel (closure)

reversed- seeking personal closure, short-cuts, delays

#obey me! lucifer #obey me! mammon #obey me! leviathan #obey me! satan #obey me! asmodeus #obey me! beelzebub #obey me! belphegor #obey me! diavolo #obey me! luke #obey me! simeon #obey me! solomon #tarot #obey me headcanons #sort of

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dropintomanga · 3 years

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The Evergreen Shonen Story

A short while ago, there were some online conversations about the popularity of shonen stories. Almost all of them are based around the experiences of youth and some adult fans wanted action-oriented stories based around their life experiences as adults. Reading stories centered on teens and kids as the main characters isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, I’ll admit that. But sometimes, I think shonen stories are somewhat of a reflection on what adults have been telling kids for years and how some/most of their advice has failed youth.

Life begins in the womb. We come out to a world of many possibilities. As children, we’re immune to bias until adults decide to tell us about the many differences of various people out there. Some adults may not care and have trouble dealing with their own pain, They may resort to substances like drugs and alcohol to cope. Under the influence of drugs or alcohol, these adults may start to abuse children and/or neglect them entirely.

There’s a term that relates to the overwhelming negative experiences of children growing up. It’s called ACE - “adverse childhood experiences.” Examples of such experiences include physical/sexual abuse, parent separation, physical/emotional neglect, and living with an adult with substance addiction. I look at a bunch of shonen flashback stories and many of the traumatic ones revolve around physical and emotional neglect.

Why is this important to acknowledge? Because some adults do a bad job in raising their children or guiding kids to become responsible individuals. We’ve seen examples of bad parenting in anime and manga. There’s also the fact that adults have been full of dreams themselves when they were kids, but have been fed advice on how the “real world” works. They’ve been told that they can’t make their dreams come true and/or they need to behave a certain way to get by. It’s a vicious cycle. A colleague of mine told me that when she sees young people with vision and a desire to smash the status quo end up being a part of the status quo themselves, she wondered if that’s due to those individuals seeing how hard it is and how long it takes to generate the change they want to see.

One of my favorite shonen characters in recent memory is Satoro Gojo of Jujutsu Kaisen. He was a student of Jujutsu High and ends up becoming a teacher there. Gojo is considered to be a prodigy, but he remains humble. He’s also willing to speak up to authority as he has gotten into disputes with upper school management over the fates of cursed students (particularly Yuji Itadori and Yuta Okkutsu) whose potential have yet to be realized. Gojo has once said that he needs to remind himself not to be a bitter old adult as he ages.

A good number of shonen stories drive the point that adults shouldn’t be bitter old ones. Or maybe more importantly, don’t be dismissive about teen experiences. I listened to a podcast a while back about loneliness and how much it affects mental health. There was a discussion point about adults ignoring teens that feel lonely with regards to dating. Here’s a quote from that discussion.

“The number one way that we do this (being dismissive of loneliness) in America is every single 30-year-old up completely dismisses the loneliness that a teenager feels about not having a significant other. Because once we hit 30, we realize that your 16 year old significant other is nonsense. It’s just nonsense. You’re gonna be in love so much in your life. You’re gonna love everybody. You’re going to date a million people. It’s gonna be fine. You’re going to realize how insignificant this relationship is.

The key word there is you’re gonna realize it. It’s a future thing for them. So when every 30, 40, 50, 60 year old looks at the 16, 17, 18 year old and says, oh, you just broke up with your boyfriend? Yeah, who cares? That’s a meaningless relationship. I don’t care. That exacerbates the loneliness. It exacerbates the disconnected feeling because it really, really, really, really matters to them.”

I honestly think adults being dismissive towards teens’ current experiences is one reason why shonen stories still resonate with many. We’ve all been through those times where adults just shut us down because ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Yes, there comes a point where we have to move forward. But a good amount of emotional pain stems from adolescence and it lingers. Most mental disorders begin to happen around those years. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to give back in ways that stop the cycle. I do think mangaka are trying their best to give back the way they know how.

Yet I think the biggest reason for the enduring popularity of shonen stories is friendship. We all know the Shonen Jump tropes - friendship, hard work and victory. All three are important, but friends are what really keeps us alive. The harsh truths are that hard work doesn’t always get you where you want to go and victories do come at the cost of important relationships. Over the years, I noticed that in my neck of the woods, friendship is frowned upon. When you’re ranking important relationships in life, first is your mother, then maybe your father, then your romantic partner, followed by your children. Friends are last. There was a nice read I found that listed a good amount of studies on the importance of friends (especially for those who are LGBTQ+ and faced stigma from immediate family).

We don’t live on an island, contrary to what neoliberalism says. Families aren’t enough. Friends are what keeps us alive and helps build our sense of identity.

Maybe the fans who want more mature/adult-centered stories with shonen action just want to see more nuanced stories about friendships in adult settings. Friendships are so hard to make and maintain as adults. There’s some glimmers of hope for those kinds of stories - in video games. Yakuza: Like a Dragon is a great example of an adult hero in a genre dominated by young protagonists, the Japanese RPG. The story is about a 42-year old ex-yakuza who gets exiled into a unfamiliar city and manages to make something of himself with the help of new friends he made there. It was refreshing because the whole cast were adults who were unemployed and/or stigmatized due to underworld ties. They managed to save Japan from a vicious political alliance with action elements that felt shonen at heart.

I’m all for more adult-centered mainstream shonen stories because seinen material can be a bit too blunt for some tastes, but there’s a lot of focus on the mindset of youth lately than in decades past since there’s concern on how they will manage in a world that continues to disappoint them.

I love shonen because I honestly don’t feel like I’m an adult due to my depression. My development felt stunted. I feel that I have more in common with 20+-year olds than people my age. I want to be around people who are youthful at heart. I wonder about those who still enjoy shonen past the target demographic - what still draws them to it? Is it due to them embracing their inner child more likely than most people? Or do they just like to follow simple action stories that have a lot of heart (something that some people don’t have)?

Looking at shonen’s enduring mainstream status does make me think about the the feedback loops between adults and teenagers. I’ll end this by talking about an incident that happened a couple years ago where a somewhat prominent Anitwitter figure (I am NOT going to mention their name here, but you may know who I’m referring to), who made a lot of friends with people in the anime/manga industry, was outed be a sexual predator who went after young naive anime fans at fan conventions. One of the reactions from someone that was once close with them was how can older anime fans better connect with younger anime fans when needed. I know from personal experience, I sigh on seeing the behavior of teens at conventions at times. But I learned that by saying things like “Kids are so dramatic,” “Boys will be boys,” “She’s being emotional.” gets harmful in a hurry where proper context is warranted. Maybe they are being so-and-so, but it doesn’t hurt to ask and give validation to their concerns. Teens are the lifeblood of anime conventions right now.

Shonen is a gateway introduction for youth on how to process pain in a way that helps themselves and other people with the help of said people. It’s an escape from the distress and trauma of reality. That reality, which has situations like the incident I mentioned, is controlled by adults who don’t always have it together, can’t admit their flaws, and sadly take it out on the world. That’s why shonen is still so powerful today despite all the criticism the genre gets. And that’s the evergreen truth.

#shonen #shonen manga #manga #mental health #youth #psychology

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thegrandkinghimself · 3 years

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who is oikawa tooru?

i guess that’s a weird way to start off a post, considering just how popular oikawa is in this fandom. i’m absolutely certain that he’s still one of the most popular characters if i can take the #oikawasear trend on twitter a couple of weeks ago seriously. (i will be mourning that iwaoi is no longer the top ship in this fandom. it’s devastating to me on a personal level). and i can’t say that i’m any different, either, otherwise i wouldn’t have made this blog or this post. but i guess the reason i’ve been itching to write this is because i’ve been in this fandom--and more specifically, a fan of oikawa--for about four or five years now. i devour the content available, and i can assure you that i’ve read too many of the fanfictions on ao3 to be healthy, and never before have i seen a character whose characterization is so hotly disputed.

and i get it. he’s a complex person. he’s kind of awkward in that there is a very clear disconnect between his outward personality and who he is alone. it’s a very hard balance to strike, especially when you consider just how much conjecture goes on in his characterization among fans and in discourse. he’s really easy to project and certain traits, correct or otherwise, are amplified based off how authors perceive him. there’s plenty of presumptions that can be made based on his on-screen actions/thoughts/beliefs that can be taken to some very logical conclusions.

but i’ve also seen people write him in ways that don’t strike me as particularly truthful. he’s type casted into stereotypes that don’t do him justice, or made into something that is vaguely like oikawa, but not quite. in the following post, i’ll be trying to dispel misunderstandings of his character, if only for my own sanity.

tl;dr i think that oikawa is chronically one of the most misrepresented characters in fandom and i want to fix that

exclaimer: i am solely an anime-watcher; i have seen snippets of the manga and therefore have a general idea of what is going on.

let’s establish some very very basic stuff. just to keep it simple, i’m not going to talk about anything beyond what has been published via the anime (as of season four).

Oikawa Tooru | 及川徹

gender: male

d.o.b.: 1994.7.20. or 20 July, 1994

height: 184.3 cm

weight: 72.2 kg

occupation: high school 3rd year, class 6

position/number: setter, 1 (captain)

here’s something that’s never pointed out: oikawa is in class 6 which, if we go off the trend of every other school in haikyuu!!, means that he is in a college preparatory class aka he’s pretty dang smart. it’s not confirmed or anything, but it a. follows the trend of every other class 6 student and b. is the highest class available among seijoh 3rd years (classes 5, 3, and 1). don’t get the idea that he’s dumb or unintelligent, or even that his strengths only lie in the classroom because that would be a gross understatement of his skills.

anywho.

generally speaking, i like to start with the building blocks of his personality because there’s so much room for assumptions. here are the things that i think make up his core personality:

intelligence/knowledgeable: not only academically speaking, but he’s also well-versed in people. he knows how to play them--what will make someone more confident, more doubtful, what will help his teammates succeed. clearly, oikawa is very knowledgeable in human thought patterns. or he’s dedicated a lot of time to knowing them.

loyalty: of all of oikawa’s traits, i think this one gets talked about the least, but we know it to be true. we make jokes about “you should have come to shiratorizawa” but it really shows you exactly how loyal, how much trust, oikawa has in this team that he has spent three years shaping. he never stops believing in the work that he has put in, and especially the hard work that his teammates have put into their volleyball.

hardworking: one of the most well-known things about oikawa. most fans already know that his white knee pad is actually a knee brace. ‘nuff said. i salute you, good sir.

insecurity: oikawa’s insecurities are perhaps his most notable trait. in a sense, he’s sort of the underdog--so good, but never quite good enough to accomplish what he’s set out to do. and we know that he’s struggled with his doubts since junior high, literally since he was 12 or 13, and that’s informed all of his character from the moment he ran into ushijima. oikawa is someone who is defined by his insecurities.

oikawa is a lot of things. he’s introduced as someone who is very flamboyant--he’s built up by kageyama as the best setter, his senpai literally and figuratively, his initial shots are all of smug smiles and easy, unfaltering swagger in the face of this new team. even his theme, all rambunctious brass and jazzy, is meant to be all in your face, here’s the big boss! he’s someone who is petty and silly and seems to favor shallow conversation. but he’s oikawa, so there’s a surprising amount of depth in the little time that we have with him. there’s a reason that, in any other franchise, he’d probably be the protagonist.

he is someone full of contradictions. he’s childish and he spends time with a bunch of girls and is very clearly someone who likes to project a certain image of himself to the public (see: his cute lil’ humming run after his yell in s4e23 to make him seem kind of normal). but he’s also spent a lot of time with himself. in fact, if we take the few scenes we have of him alone and his bedroom (bare, spartan, meticulous) into account, oikawa actually is much more solemn and/or serious than the image he projects. he’s comfortable in the silences between all the white noise. he’s alright just being with iwaizumi. he allows himself to dwell on the past and his shortcomings, while also looking forward to the future. his ambition and passion to improve drive him, but his past failures weigh him down. they haunt him.

personally, i think that he’s naturally a pretty silly guy when given the chance. it’s not just for show. iwaizumi would even corroborate this à la oikawa’s introduction speech in s1. he likes having fun when he can with his friends. if we assume that oikawa is most himself with iwaizumi, then we definitely know that’s the case (see: “are you my mom, iwa-chan?”), and there’s nothing wrong with that. but i think that the most basic traits of his character, combined with his experiences in volleyball, have pushed him to be this person who is mired in doubt. it’s forced him to go down a path where something that he once loved for the fun of it has now become the source of his ire. it’s really just that simple. maybe in another life, things would be different and oikawa wouldn’t have to struggle as much. but that’s really just a part of the human experience, isn’t it? and, in all honesty, would we really love oikawa as much without all his vices?

and maybe this is getting into speculation, but i don’t think it’s a difficult argument to make that oikawa is really mature. he’s introspective. i say introspective because the revelations that he’s had in regards to his own strengths and weaknesses--those are things he’s had to confront and deal with since he was in junior high (starts at 12 years of age). it takes someone with a lot of maturity and self-awareness to realize those kinds of things about himself.

and he’s stronger than he gets credit for. most people depict him as a crybaby, but he’s really not. he doesn’t cry or give up in the face of ushijima or kageyama’s unfettered growth and successes, he doesn’t cry when faced with defeat. oikawa is there to support iwaizumi in his own doubt as ace, and lend support to his teammates. and oikawa doesn’t get stuck on the what-ifs or has-beens. driven by his infamous ambition, he looks forward to the future.

it’s kind of a double-edged sword. it’s pushed him this far--he’s put in this much effort to be one of the best in the prefecture--because of his competitive spirit, but it’s also something that has caused him serious injury. oikawa’s motto (”if you’re gonna to hit it, hit it until it breaks!”) is the very epitome of this mentality. it’s a message to work hard to finish what you started, but i also think that you could interpret that hard work breaking you, too. he’s steadfast—obsessive, really—to the point that oikawa will let his passions break him before he would ever give up. it’s the point of all the strife in his life, because he would never have the problems he does if he were even a little less enamored by this sport.

and you really have to wonder where he would be without ushijima and kageyama as his obstacles. his drive will always be there, that is an intrinsic part of him, as are the standards to which he holds himself, but you really have to wonder just how good oikawa would be if he didn’t have such direct competitors. this is an incredibly important question to ask about kageyama and oikawa in particular. yes, oikawa does loathe ushijima: for his disregard for oikawa’s decisions, for his disregard of oikawa’s loyalty, for his flippant attitude of seijoh, who oikawa has poured his blood and sweat into creating. but ushijima is an opposite hitter. oikawa is a setter. those are two very different positions with little crossover. but with kageyama--that is a clear rivalry. they push each other to be better, made all the more potent by their differences as players; one setter’s growth as a player directly impacts how the other performs in each subsequent game. seijoh’s defeat by karasuno in season 2 just feeds into oikawa’s drive for the future. he has not intention of giving up. a light was lit under him, pushing him forward, to do better, to be better.

this is something that has been pointed out in a different analysis (linked below) but, narratively speaking, oikawa is kageyama’s foil. their interactions inform their characters and are a major cause of tension in their development. their relationship is really the most complex in the story that i have noticed, and is something that has not been appreciated enough. the iwaizumi-oikawa thing has been expounded and studied in every facet possible (i love the alexander the great/hephaestion allusions), but it’s true that kageyama has impacted oikawa the most. they begrudgingly respect each other’s talents, what it is that they bring to the court, while also envying what the other has in spades that they do not. in oikawa’s case, his strength clearly lies in his interpersonal relationships--his ability to intuit exactly what his teammates need to be at their best. kags is just a fount of overwhelming technical skill who has a really hard time getting to know those around him. living up to the standards that oikawa places on himself, in tandem with kageyama threatening his position as setter, leave oikawa floundering, fearing his own incompetence against opponents who are naturally much better than he. so he’s left with the knowledge that maybe his best isn’t good enough, but he still continues on anyway. he pushes himself past a seemingly unreachable threshold just to go toe-to-toe with this monster. it’s the purpose of his character--to tell this story of the ordinary v. the extraordinary--and it is perhaps the most relatable arc that a story like haikyuu!! can tell.

their connection naturally causes oikawa to seek out help, seen in the flashback scenes where he is talking to an unspecified coach/adult. that coach’s words then become the creed upon which oikawa plays, maybe even more than what iwaizumi has taught him, and is the final push that completes oikawa’s character arc in s2ep24. that change in mindset allows oikawa to see kageyama’s unbridled talent not as an obstacle but as a challenge. it’s very nuanced, but it makes all the difference. it’s why, following seijoh’s defeat, oikawa has the audacity to declare to kageyama and ushijima his plans for the future. in a sense, karasuno and kageyama and ushijima have won the battle but not the war. it’s the tipping point in his story and, more than anything, what makes oikawa so compelling. we have seen what has led up to the change, but now we want to know what he’s going to do to meet that challenge. what will he be doing beyond the story when he is no longer relevant to the narrative? we don’t know the details at this point, but we know that oikawa’s love and ambition for volleyball have been reaffirmed in this moment.

but to bring it back, the kags-oiks connection also makes us question what it is we are watching, makes us as the audience think: what qualifies someone as a genius? are there any limitations to what that genius can do? what can ordinary people do in the face of those geniuses?

these are questions that exist beyond the reality of sports and transverse into other disciplines. for me, those are very real questions that i have had to ask myself as a musician. i have dedicated nine, almost 10, years to my practice but there are still 10-year-olds who are just better at it than i ever will be. part of it is time and practice to be sure, but some of it is just innate. and i think the more appropriate version of those questions would be this: what qualifies someone as a prodigy? are there limitations for prodigies? what can we do in the face of prodigies?

oikawa is a genius player--he knows the ins-and-outs of his sport better than anyone, and he can accomplish great feats that others in his same position can’t. but even with all that veritable experience and skill, he is ultimately still overtaken by a prodigy whose talents seem endless. it’s why he can hate ushijima but fear kageyama. one is something he can actively fight against, the other is inevitable.

and really, i think that’s the beauty of oikawa tooru, why he’s so beloved by the fandom, even years after he has stopped being relevant to the narrative. beyond the fluff and goofiness and hijinks, there’s someone there who is really, truly, human.

an aside with much less significance/why do people think this??

so here’s one thing: even though oikawa has fangirls, i wonder what he actually thinks of them. for one, it’s only natural for anyone to be super flattered if people think you’re hot stuff. that’s just... i don’t think he’s weird if he pays attention to them. but i think that people are conflating his being kind to them to being genuinely egotistical due to the attention. actually, i think these are opposing ideas and a contradiction of who oikawa is. when you’re an arrogant person, you think that you deserve all the attention you’re getting and you’re not going to bother with the people who worship you.

but that’s not at all what oikawa does. he’s rather kind to his fans. i would never say that he’s self-effacing, but knowing what you’re worth is different from being pompous. and think about it. it’d be a real jerk move for oikawa to not say nice things to them and thank his fangirls when they spend time, energy, and effort to make him food and see his games. he would just be a genuinely awful person if he didn’t at least give them thanks. it’d be more alarming if he didn’t talk to them, at least in my opinion. more than anything, we should consider this: why is it that oikawa has the fan club and not anyone else on the seijoh team? i’m sure a part of it is because he’s attractive and the captain of a team, but i think it’s more than that, too. we see these interactions from other perspectives, but i think that reflects more on those around oikawa than oikawa himself if they don’t understand why he acts the way he does with those girls.

another thing: i don’t think that anyone can question that oikawa is very pretty, or handsome, or whatever descriptor you would like. it’s prevalent in fandom (see: pretty setters squad), but he is also the only person in canon to be acknowledged by other characters as being particularly good-looking. maybe the miyas count at this point? i’m not sure. but i don’t really understand where people get the idea that he is particularly focused on his appearance, though. there is literally no indication of that from the material that i have seen. and maybe he uses that to his advantage with his fangirls, but i highly doubt that, in all honesty. i think that it’s fun to imagine him being into these things as a hobby, but it irks me greatly when i see that people spend time saying that oikawa wakes up extra early just to fix his hair or slather on foundation/concealer just to look presentable.

he’s a teenaged boy who clearly has other things that worry him, he’s a full-time student, and volunteers to coach at lil tykes volleyball classroom in his free time. he wouldn’t have time to spend on his hair or makeup. and we even seen in the hanger tooru special that he even wakes up looking like that.

he is au naturale, my friends. and we even know how little he gives thought to his own body, if you take into account his knee brace. for oikawa, his body is merely the medium through which he can accomplish his goals. we even have evidence of this when we see oikawa up all night studying karasuno game play or via his knee brace. he doesn’t know how to stop or understand when enough is enough. he breaks himself if there’s no one to watch him.

also, just... how would makeup work, logistically speaking? i don’t wear makeup, but i’m thinking that foundation and concealer and hair product would be, um, really bad. like, it’d run down his face and stuff. also, it’d probably get into his eyes, too? seriously. i’m not against oikawa wearing makeup in the slightest cause he’d be even prettier, but we know that oikawa would absolutely not jeopardize his chances in any way.

thank you for reading this long-winded, probably awful look into my favorite character of all time. and i do mean that. he is my favorite character in all of media. which, like, says a lot when he’s competing against the casts of a:tla, call me by your name, and my actual favorite book, the song of achilles. after all of that, if you would like another (better) analysis of oikawa’s character, i suggest this reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/haikyuu/comments/94irsi/character_analysis_16_oikawa_tooru_discussion/

#oikawa tooru #haikyuu #character analysis #i'm so sorry about this #i just had to get this off of my chest #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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thatfanficstuff · 4 years

Text

Impossible - 2

Pairing: Eric Northman x reader

Warnings: nope

***

“Where are you living now?” Eric asked, finally breaking the silence.

“A shitty apartment in Bon Temps.” Actually, you were Dawn’s neighbor. She’d been a waitress at Merlotte’s and the latest murder victim. You wondered if you could get a discount on the rent due to emotional trauma. Probably. Sam was kind of a sucker for the damsel in distress.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Why Bon Temps?”

“That and why a shitty apartment. Money has never been an issue for you if I recall.”

It was actually one of the things Eric liked about you. He never had to worry you were only interested in his money. You had plenty of your own and even if you didn’t your father would have picked up the slack. You shrugged. “If you must know, I was doing a little job for Sophie-Anne. I didn’t intend to stay in Bon Temps long, but I kind of like it. Haven’t decided if I’m going to make it permanent yet or not.”

He ran his gaze over you and you did your best to ignore it, keeping your head turned toward your window. “What sort of job?”

You smiled at that. “I would assume if your queen wanted you to know that, she’d tell you. She didn’t bother to mention this was your area when she sent me here.”

He huffed a laugh. “Does that surprise you?”

“No. Nothing much surprises me anymore. Except for discovering that bar is yours. Doesn’t seem like your style.” You glanced over at him. The corner of his mouth kicked up in a small smirk, but he kept his eyes on the road.

“Money is my style, Y/N and Fangtasia makes me plenty of it.”

You hummed in agreement. “I’m sure it does.” You let the silence stretch a minute. “It was Pam’s idea wasn’t it?”

He laughed. “Yes, it was.”

A short time later he pulled up in front of an industrial looking apartment building. You leaned forward in your seat to take in the full height of it, but before it could really register, Eric was opening your door. “Come.”

You frowned, but followed him just the same. No words were spoken while you trailed behind him as he entered the building and made a beeline straight for the elevator with only a passing nod for the doorman.

He pressed the button for the seventh floor. You stood on the opposite side of the car and watched him. Anyone else would think he was settled, calm, but you could see the tension in his long, lean body. In the way he held his arms behind his back. Even in the way his feet shuffled.

When the elevator arrived on its floor, he stepped out first and headed to one of four visible doors. He unlocked it and motioned you inside as he flipped on the lights. You had assumed he was taking you to his home, but an empty apartment opened before you. Stunning, but empty. Exposed piping and metal beams mixed with shiplap walls and state of the art appliances were offset by a stained concrete floor. Had you drawn a plan for an apartment, it wouldn’t have been any more fitting. It was perfect.

You glanced at Eric wondering what he was up to and found his eyes already on you. “What is this?”

He smirked. “An apartment. A very nice apartment.”

“That was very helpful, Eric. Thank you.” You rolled your eyes and stepped over to take in the view. It was as amazing as the rest of the apartment. Eric’s movement was reflected in the glass as he came stand behind you “Why did you bring me here?”

“Because why live in a shitty apartment if you can live here?” he said as if it was the most reasonable, expected thing in the world.

“So, you brought me here in the middle of the night to play real estate agent?” This was so not the conversation you’d anticipated having when he dragged you out of Fangtasia.

“How did your friend know about the raid?” he asked instead of answering your question.

You hummed. “Like I said, she knows things. If you want to know how she knows things, you’ll have to have that conversation with her. Or perhaps Bill will tell you, though if he does, I’ll make him regret it.”

“You don’t care for him very much, do you?”

“That obvious?” You turned to look at him.

He chuckled. “You were never shy about letting people know your true thoughts.”

“Yes, well…” It wasn’t as if you could argue with him. It was the truth. “I don’t trust him. He’s too polished and he expects everyone to buy his bullshit. I don’t like bullshit.”

“Unless you’re the one selling it, of course.”

And there it was, the conversation you’d been expecting for the last hour. “I never lied to you, Eric. I may not have been forthright about what I was doing in Dallas, but it had nothing to do with you. Not really.”

“Nothing to do with me? You were attempting to get enough information against my maker for the Authority to be justified in removing him from power.” There was the Eric you knew. Cool and calm one minute and furious the next. You’d missed him.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes which you knew would piss him off further. “The Authority doesn’t need justification for shit. If they want to do something, they’ll do it and make up the reasons later. I was collecting information on the whole nest, not just Godric. I know you may find this difficult to believe but vampires tend to lack trust on the whole. I was a peacekeeping measure. Proof that there was nothing to worry about.”

“So you said before. Regardless of your reason for being there, the truth is that you used me to get close to Godric and the others. You made a fool of me. I would have done anything for you. Sworn an oath to anyone that there was nothing to fear from you and you used my trust against me. I do not trust lightly, Y/N.” He showed you his back and paced away from you.

You closed your eyes and tried to calm yourself. Screaming the same words at him you had before wouldn’t do any more good than it had then. “Can I ask you a question?”

He didn’t answer but turned his head to look at you over his shoulder.

“When you told Godric of my treachery, as you put it, what did he say?”

“He told me to talk to you and hear what you had to say.”

“And what was your response?”

“That I had heard enough lies for a hundred lifetimes.”

You nodded and turned back to the window. “Perhaps if you had listened to him, you might have discovered that Godric knew my purpose from the moment I arrived. He didn’t warn you away from me because he knew my relationship with you had nothing to do with the Authority.”

“He knew and yet he said nothing? Even to me? I find that hard to believe.”

“So, ask him.”

“If this is true, why didn’t you tell me at the time?”

“I tried Eric. You didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.” You leaned your back against the window with your arms crossed over your chest. “Hell, I’m surprised you’re listening to me now.”

He pushed a hand through his hair. “Perhaps the passage of time has given me a new perspective.”

“I find it hard to believe that three years was enough to make you this reasonable.”

He grinned and sauntered toward you. “Oh, sweetheart, I never said anything about being reasonable. But I have learned that a little patience is acceptable if it brings me the things I want.”

Your heart raced and you knew he could hear it. By the time he stopped there was less than a foot between the two of you. “And what is it you want, Eric Northman?”

“From you?”

You licked your lips and gave him a nod.

“Absolutely nothing. Even if I got it, I’m fairly certain I couldn’t trust it.”

“Ouch.” You laughed as though the words didn’t bother you. As if your heart wasn’t in tattered ribbons in your chest. “I’ll think about it.”

He scowled. “Think about what precisely?”

“The apartment.” You patted his chest and walked around him to the door. When you reached it, you paused and glanced back to find him in the same position. “Are you going to take me home or should I call a cab?”

***

Eric flew you home instead of driving as it was much faster and he was worried about daybreak coming before he was safely back in his own home. When he deposited you outside your apartment he glanced around, a dark scowl on his face. “Really, Y/N?”

You shrugged. “What?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “This can’t possibly be secure.”

“I am a little tougher than the average girl, Eric. I’ll survive.”

The sound he made said he didn’t agree with you at all but it wasn’t worth the argument. You knew that sound well, you’d heard it many, many times. “You will return to Fangtasia.”

“Not tonight. Bill is speaking at a meeting of the Descendants of the Glorious Dead. Can’t miss it. You should come. Really freak out the locals.”

You’d expected a laugh but he maintained that perfect blank expression. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t have much to offer. I was in Europe at the time. Tomorrow then?”

“Maybe. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

In a flash he was in front of you with your phone in his hand. You’d barely felt him remove it from your pocket. He dialed a number and his phone rang in his pocket. He disconnected the call and handed your phone back to you. “Clear your schedule.”

You simply nodded as you watched him back away from you before he took off. You’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t pounding just from being in his proximity. The last three years of your life had been spent trying to forget about that vampire. Thirty seconds in his presence was enough to tell you that had been an impossible task.

#eric northman x reader #eric northman fanfiction #true blood fanfiction #eric northman x you #series #impossible

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iatheia · 3 years

Text

EDA reviews part 2 - books 10-18

Previous part here

10) Legacy of the Daleks - A very enjoyable read, even though it doesn’t mesh well with Big Finish continuity. I have a few headcanons on how to rectify that, though... The meeting between the Eight and Delgado’s Master left me grinning ear to ear, the way Eight was posturing, wholly aware of the way the Master ticks. I’m not sure I liked Susan quite as much, though - nor was she that fundamental to the story, spending most of the time off screen, but being somewhat unlikeable when she was there. Her final confrontation with the Master was a bit much... Similarly, it was hard to accept Master not recognizing her. That said, the rest of it was a fun romp, and Eight’s thoughts towards the end were particularly poignant, 9/10

11) Dreamstone Moon - Starting right off the bat with an author self insert, and have him being both the source of the conflict and the one to ultimately save the day, kind of - it’s a bold choice.... It’s been said before, but Doctor’s companions really should unionize huh? Eight’s in particular. It really is quite striking that the situation with Sam is pretty much the exact same one as it will be with Charlie - thinking that the Doctor is dead, abandoned, alone, without any network of support. And I’m finally about to have context for that post, so, cheers, I guess. That said, Sam and the Doctor are very much representative of the “quit telling everyone I’m dead - sometimes I can still hear his voice” meme. I’ve lost count how many times Sam decided that the Doctor’s dead within five minutes of seeing him very much alive. (Ok, no, I jest, but it’s a good book, throughly enjoyable from the beginning to end, 10/10)

12) Seeing I - I, uh, really struggle to follow Sam’s logic in the beginning here. I don’t really understand how she ended up in the place she did, after the last novel. Because, she wasn’t alone, she wasn’t abandoned, she was in a company of people, who, uh, cared about her might be putting it a bit too strongly, but who at least could vouch for her. So this disconnect is a bit odd. And, as good as this novel is, as good as the character work in here is, I have a slight disconnect with the rest of it, too. There is too big of a gulf with where the story begun and where it ended - there are too many things going on, too many plots introduced and then unceremoniously dropped. It’s like... Revolution of the Daleks inside of Kerblam, with Nightmare in Silver thrown in with half a dozen other themes from other episodes. When you have the doctor in the machine and the psychologist guy go from primary antagonists to the supporting cast we’re supposed to root for, there is something mildly dissatisfying about it, thematically speaking. Overall, the story in its entirety is less than a sum of its parts. Breaking it into pieces, though, there is a lot of exciting stuff there. 9/10

13) Placebo Effect - Controversial opinion time - I don’t care for Ark in Space. I think it’s a pretty forgettable episode. So any time I encounter any reference to the wirrrn, my reaction is “wait, who?”. And even though I like Leisure Hive well enough, I dare you to find anyone who has been clamoring for the return of Foamasi. This rather made me immediately apprehensive, straight from the preface. In general, there was too much continuity. Stacy & Ssard, really? How deep do you need to be to appreciate their appearance? They are so utterly unnecessary, too, they disappear less than a quarter of the way into the novel, they aren’t even there for set up, they are there for a set up of a set up. If you are actually a person who knew who they were, and wanted to see more of them, I can’t imagine this being all that satisfying. It’s a rather abrupt transition from the previous ark. I dare even say, aggressive, to the degree you have Sam going from “she is afraid to be even in the same room with him, lest she kills him with her soaked through panties” to “she is absolutely delighted when he imparts onto her his grandfatherly wisdom”. Then again, any time either Eight or Sam opened their mouth, I didn’t see Eight or Sam. I saw Four and Sarah Jane. It’s not well written, either. It’s very clunky. The dialogues in particular are obnoxious. Stacy’s and Sam’s conversation, and later on dogmatic discussion between Sam and the priests gave me full on psychic damage. I mostly skimmed beyond that, can’t say there was much to catch the eye. 2/10

14) Vanderdeken's Children - This book is aiming to be a masterpiece, but it’ll just have to settle for being good enough. It does have some interesting twists and turns in here, even though most of them are pretty predictable and expected from the set up. The last couple of chapters, the ending overall, are quite decent (even though all the ebook versions I was able to find cut off the last couple of pages, argh!), but the middle is very middling, with mostly uninspiring secondary characters that are ever so slowly being positioned on the chess board. 7/10

15) The Scarlet Empress - Where to begin... It’s a series of mostly unrelated short stories in a trench coat pretending to be a novel. It’s set up in a middle of a road trip, unrelated not just to each other, but also the measly bit of plot that was given to us? I found it’s quite difficult to engage with the story overall, or follow it, really. It tries to be more character driven than plot driven, which is an admirable aim, and some of the character stuff they have in here is nice, except... Outside of may be bits of chapter 1, I couldn’t really hear Doctor’s voice - any version of him, let alone Eight. Sam fares a bit better, but, at the end of the day... It doesn’t really feel like Doctor Who story. The pacing is completely off, as is the structure, and it was quite nonsensical and whimsical, more akin to Alice in Wonderland than Doctor Who. Not bad in and of itself, just, hard for me to appreciate as a part of this marathon. A note on Iris. I haven’t yet listened to her stand-alone adventures, but I generally enjoy whenever she shows up in Big Finish. Here, though, she was rather lacking Katy Manning’s charm and personality. And, I feel, if you didn’t have any existing fondness for the character before, this novel isn’t going to give you much to care about her. Except, *checks notes*, this was one of her first major outings? Not really a good start. Oh, and prior to this she was in a few short stories, by the same writer. Well, that checks out. 6/10

16) The Janus Conjunction - I really liked this one. Not much to say beyond it, but, very well written, very easy read, practically in a single breath. Excellent characterization for both Doctor and Sam, just a right degree of joyful, determined, adventurous, death defying, mad, delirious, and codependent, almost moreso than any other I’ve read so far. Rather dark, though, I can feel it resonating in the pit of my stomach, and it gets inside your head. 10/10

17) Beltempest - What did the Doctor do to deserve this character assassination??? It’s not without redeeming bits (looks like “I’m not a man” quote comes from here, big yay), but, in large part, is barely a pale shadow of a character I like. Especially in the beginning - he think that Sam might have died and he is ok with this??? After the Dreamstone Moon??? And he is incredibly obnoxious? And Sam was barely herself, even before being... uh, possessed? for plot related reasons. I can’t describe how much disconnect I have with the protagonists here, or with any characters in the rest of the book, for that matter, and how much the dialogue made me roll my eyes. And, ah, the technobabble. I generally try not to overthink the physics of most things in fiction, because, as a certified space scientist, otherwise I’d be here all day, but there comes a point where it crosses the line. After everything else, to read the words “newly born main sequence star” with my own two eyes is just too much. I’m a good person, I do not deserve this nonsense... The first half of the book left me rather put off. The second part left me feeling absolutely flat. No emotions, either positive or negative. And, uh, there was a post going around on tumblr along the lines of “the worst you can do to the character is having them mention a certain food, because the fandom will turn it into an obsession” - it’s rather the same here with Eight and books & classical music. I am rather starting to loose count of the number of times they are trying to emulate the scene with the ending of the movie, where he is lounging about and reading, or specifically mentioning Pucchini. To be fair, it’s not just this novel, but it definitely starting to take me out of it. 5/10

18) The Face-Eater - I’m generally a bit wary of cold opens in the books, because some tend to ramble a bit, with the characters I don’t already know and love, so it’s often is a chore to muster enthusiasm to care about them. This one, though, despite all that, starts very effectively, in a way that made me immediately sit up straight. Very snappish, in a style of noir novels. Too bad it doesn’t quite sustain that energy throughout it. The plot is... interesting, I guess. Characterization is decent, for the most part - although some moments, especially early on gave me a pause, it more than makes up for it in other places. 7/10

Overall impressions so far: Much better than the first set of 9, which often were too deeply rooted in nostalgia to try to offer anything unique. And, I guess, with more writers having a chance to read each others works, the characterization is a bit more consistent (not for every writer, mind, but, in general). How long does it take for them to write a novel of this length, I wonder? A book a month is a rather grueling pace for the series - how far in advance do they start? How many other books come out during that time?

Sam in particular incrementally found her footing (though, there is a bit of a lag from novel to novel). Instead of imagining literally any other companion, there were certain novels that really helped me to grasp her character. Though, hmm... being Doctor’s companion is not a safe job by any stretch of imagination, but this girl has really been through a wringer. I’m rather struggling to think of any other companion that has been put through so much (non-lethal) battering. There comes a point when one just wants to just to let her have some good time. And, uh, there was a horrible thought that occurred to me, and went to look up how she will depart the TARDIS in the end, and... well, I have a feeling that sometime afterwards I will not like what will happen.

Also, there is this trend of separating her and the Doctor, for a prolonged period of time, them having no idea where to find each other, without any contact, just, stumbling onto one another eventually. It’s a way for writers to have them cover more narrative ground, and you certainly don’t want them attached by the hip, but when they spend less than 20 pages a book in each other’s company, that’s, uh... not a trend I particularly care for.

Well, onto the next batch where we meet Fitz, and say good bye to Sam.

Next part here

#doctor who #eighth doctor #eighth doctor adventures #eda

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queenofmoons · 4 years

Text

The King of New York

for @geekinthecorner by @dredfulhapiness (for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange)

on AO3

rating: general

relationship: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

characters: Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Pepper Potts, Morgan Stark, May Parker, Happy Hogan

summary: Tony shrugged. “We could go sometime,” he said, putting a book on the shelf.

Peter blinked. “Huh?”

“Yeah, Morgan’s old enough to sit still that long, and Pepper’s been wanting to go, so you and May might as well come along.” He said it so casually. 'You might as well come see a Broadway show with us' like the price of two tickets wouldn’t equal one of Peter’s Midtown scholarships.

Peter found the playbills shoved in a box eloquently labelled hall closet shit. They were splayed amongst yearbooks and coats, and a few puzzles that looked like they had been collecting dust for years before the move.

The covers on a lot of them were cracked, either with age or mismanagement. The pages were dog-eared, or the layers of the pages were separating.

“You saw Music Man on Broadway?” Peter held one of the Playbills up, on the cover, a young boy was playing the trombone.

Tony looked up from where he was loading up the bookshelf across the room. He squinted to see what Peter was holding up, then realization crossed his face. “Ah,” he said, face returning to normal, “Yeah, my mom was into all that theater crap.” He waved his hand.

Peter shuffled the mini-stack of Playbills. Les Miserables, Merrily We Roll Along, Starlight Express, Sunday in the Park with George, Chess, Singin’ in the Rain, Carrie.

“You went a lot,” Peter said, flipping through the pages to look at old ads for cologne or hair care products.

“We needed something to do when my dad was working out of town.”

Peter continued flipping through the stack. Some of them were newer: The Humans, and Jersey Boys, and--

“You’ve seen Hamilton?” Peter held that playbill up, too. Instead of the normal yellow Playbill logo, the top was rainbow. He’d seen it in June.

“Huh?” Tony frowned, like he was thinking. “That’s the rap one, right? Yeah, it was Pepper’s Christmas gift one year.”

Peter stared at him, eyes wide. “And?”

“And?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

Peter rolled his eyes. “How was it?”

Tony shrugged. “It was fine,” he said. “Long.”

“Long?” Peter balked at him. “It’s Hamilton.”

“It’s overrated. The main character sucked.”

Peter clicked his tongue. “Money is wasted on the tasteless,” He said dramatically, clutching the playbill to his chest.

Tony shrugged. “We could go sometime,” he said, putting a book on the shelf.

Peter blinked. “Huh?”

“Yeah, Morgan’s old enough to sit still that long, and Pepper’s been wanting to go, so you and May might as well come along.” He said it so casually. You might as well come see a Broadway show with us like the price of two tickets wouldn’t equal one of Peter’s Midtown scholarships.

“Oh,” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “That sounds like a lot of fun, but I’m not sure that we can--”

“I’m paying for it,” Tony said before Peter could even finish the sentence.

“Oh, that’s really kind, but I couldn’t--”

“I’m paying for it,” Tony repeated, still half-focused on putting Pepper’s books on the shelf in the right order. She had a certain way she wanted them, and Peter was decently sure Tony was putting them on the shelf wrong. He was decently sure Pepper separated by author rather than subject matter. Peter kept his mouth shut. If Tony wanted to unpack the apartment so poorly, that was on him. “-- did you hear me?”

Peter snapped his attention away from the bookshelf. “Sorry, what?”

“I said pick a show. I’ll get us tickets.”

—

Peter spent a long time mulling over the offer. It wasn’t the kind of gift he’d normally accept (too expensive and fancy), but it also wasn’t the kind of opportunity he got often (Broadway was highly inaccessible even for people who lived in New York).

He’d opted not to bring it up again. He’d leave the offer in limbo.

He thought that would be the end of it.

“So, Peter,” Pepper said. She was eating a sandwich over the kitchen sink, her tablet lit up on the counter beside it. “Which musical are we seeing?”

“Uh,” Peter said, cocking his head. There was a smear of mayo at the corner of Pepper’s lips. “What?”

“Tony said you wanted to see a show,” She said. “What are we seeing?”

“Oh, um…” Peter looked between Pepper and the door to the garage. “You know, I haven’t put much thought into it.”

But clearly Tony had, because he’d told Pepper. Peter had thought the conversation a throwaway, but…

“Well, let one of us know,” Pepper said. “It sounds fun. We haven’t gone since Morgan was born.”

—

Peter had a list of excuses as to why he couldn’t accept the offer.

“It’s a bad idea for both of New York’s biggest heroes to be preoccupied for the night,” he pointed out over dinner. He spoke with his hands, the meatball on the end of his fork wobbling dangerously.

“We’re both preoccupied right now,” Tony deadpanned.

“Our phones aren’t off,” Peter answered. “Friday is constantly scanning news systems. I mean, if something happens while we’re at a show--” he said at a show in the same voice one would say at key largo.

“Bruce owes me a favor,” Tony said. “I’ll ask him and to babysit if we need, and I’ll ask Rhodey to keep an eye on the city for a night. Pick a show.”

“What if the show’s not worth the money?” Peter asked during a late night. Harley was curled up in the corner, his jacket being used as a pillow against the wall, a book open on his chest. He was snoring softly. Peter spoke softly enough not to wake him.

Tony shrugged. “Then it’s not,” he said. “Kid, I’m a billionaire. I can afford to hate a musical. Just pick a show.”

“What if the public sees all of us out together?” Peter asked as he held Morgan’s bike seat steady. She was pedaling along, shaky. Not quite sturdy enough for Peter to let go yet. “They might make connections. Figure out I’m… Y’know.” He motioned like he was firing webs.

“I treat my employees to stuff like that all the time,” Tony said. He spun the disconnected training wheel. It squeaked. “Well, Pepper does. I just happen to be there sometimes.”

“And my aunt just happened to come along?”

“Your aunt is dating the head of security,” Tony reminded him. “Pete, it’s fine. Just do me a favor and--”

“Pick a show,” Peter finished. “Got it.”

There were a lot of options. Peter’s eyes scanned the billboards. He sat on a roof overlooking Times Square, sizing up the different shows being advertised. The usual shows were there, Wicked, and Chicago, and Phantom of the Opera. He chewed on his sandwich. Chicago and Phantom weren’t exactly age appropriate for Morgan.

They could see one of the Disney princess musicals, he considered. It would be safe for Morgan, and probably fun for the adults. It felt like a waste, though, to pay so much money to see a story and hear songs that they all already knew, Morgan especially.

He pulled his mask down, and dropped down to the ground to toss out his sandwich wrapper, still hung up on his paradox of choice.

“Wanna see a show tonight?” Someone shoved a flyer into Peter’s hands.

“Uh,” he said, because he was clearly not a tourist. He looked down and, yep, his spider suit was still there. When he looked up, the guy was already peddling his flyers to a different group of passing pedestrians.

He was just going to toss it. That is, until the title caught his eye.

“It’s another historical musical,” Tony said, unenthused, while flipping through the program.

“And it’s Disney,” May said, pleased.

Tony sat to Peter’s right, Morgan on his left. Around them was the murmur of people waiting for the show to start.

“It’s a good show,” Peter promised Tony. “And it’s not too old for Morgan.”

“And it’s about… newspapers?”

“Christian Bale is in the movie,” Peter supplied.

“Batman?!” Tony asked.

“I would have said Patrick Bateman,” Pepper said.

“That’s a musical, too,” Peter chimed in.

“Weirdest medium ever,” Tony said, and Peter couldn’t even bring himself to argue. He was right. It was.

“Imagine the business card scene, but sung,” May said. Happy snorted.

“What?” Morgan asked, and Peter shook his head at her.

“Look, Newsies is a classic,” Peter said in a final defense of his choice. “It’s about a band of misfit kids taking down the big bad evil millionaire.”

“Millionaire?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Watch it, Stark,” Peter said. “They’re coming for you next.”

Tony didn’t get a chance to retort. The lights dimmed, and an announcement was made, and the overture played and Peter settled into his seat, content, and also thrumming because he could feel the strings rattle his muscles and oh my god he was seeing a Broadway musical.

—

“So, what did you think?” Tony fell into step with Peter, just behind the rest of their group. He put a hand in the middle of Peter’s shoulders. Ahead of them, Morgan was holding May’s hand and jabbering excitedly about the tap number. Happy and Pepper were debating dinner plans.

“It was great!” Peter said, and okay maybe he was a little starry-eyed. They stepped out onto the New York streets and it smelled like garbage, and sweat, and the subway, and home.

Peter pulled Tony in for a hug. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

Tony patted him on the back awkwardly. “No problem, kid,” he said.

They pulled apart and caught up to the rest of their family. The sky was a familiar blue-black, and the pavement shone with streetlights, and Rhodey hadn’t even been needed and Peter understood when Morgan called, from atop Happy’s shoulders, “I’M THE KING OF NEW YORK!”

#this was fun!!!! thank u for requesting theater stuff #what I wouldn't do to be seeing a broadway show rn #friendly neighborhood exchange #iron dad and spider son #my fic

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lifeisbooksandcats · 3 years

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Since posting on tumblr feels like just screaming into the void; where maybe someone might throw a glance your way to see if maybe you’re both screaming about the same thing, but at the end of the day, no one is really paying attention to you..and I feel like that’s what makes me feel like I can post this. Because it’s not something I can say out loud, not really, not yet. Except to my fiancée because it’s something we’ve talking about for a while. This is going to be long, I’m certain of it, and it’s going to be rambley because I’ve been trying to put my thoughts into words and those words into coherent...anythings...and it just isn’t going to be in any sort of order. I’m not expecting anyone to read it and I’m hoping the read more button actually works on mobile. If not, then I’m sorry, you’ll be scrolling for a while.

I don’t know how valid people feel self-diagnosis is, but I honestly feel like I fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. And that’s something I’ve thought about myself since my first year of college. Someone in a communications class I was taking did a presentation on autism, and throughout the entire thing all I could think was how much everything resonated with me. So that’s, since the fall semester of 2009, this has been something I’ve quietly thought about myself and wondered and honestly just been pretty sure of. That’s 12 years this fall, and I still can’t bring myself to say it?? And I think it’s a good bit because I’ve been asked so many times throughout my life if I’m autistic - by family members, by friends, by a college roommate, by people living on the same floor as me at college - and it’s ALWAYS been (or at least felt like to me) in some sort of negative way. And I don’t want to apologize for being myself, but fuck it’s just hard sometimes???

When I walk into a room, especially one I’m not familiar with, my first instinct is to look for the exits and figure out how I can get out of there if it gets too loud/too hectic/too EVERYTHING and I start to panic. And if I’m in a situation where I can’t leave, I have this little clear stone that I play with in my hand, just something to focus on to help keep me just a little bit calmer. When that doesn’t work, it’s like my mind just...goes. I don’t know how to explain it; physically I’m still there, but mentally...even if I wanted to pay attention to something, I literally could not. It happens the most when there’s too many sounds/voices/conversations happening at once, they all blend together, I can’t understand anything and after a second it feel like it’s all just muffled and I’m not there anymore, I feel so disconnected from my body, like there’s someone else controlling my brain and I’m just there watching. It happened at the zoo just recently, when we went into one of the restaurants for lunch. I was already panicked because of the number of people inside without masks on. From the second we walked in, everything from the number of people inside, to the volume, to the lights being too bright (but looking back, I feel like they were probably an appropriate brightness? It just felt too bright with everything else going on), to the lack of masks, everything was too much. My fiancée and I stood in line with one of our friends, waiting to order our food, and I stood there rocking slightly on my ankles and fidgeting with that little stone, just trying so desperately to calm my internal panic and to not “check out” mentally and to just appear “normal”. I stood there waiting for our food, rocking on my ankles, running my thumb along my fingertips, listening to the conversations all around me merging into one unintelligible mess and on the inside, full on panicking while hoping that from the outside, no one could tell. I got our food, set it on the table, and stepped into the bathroom to wash my hands, the quiet welcoming me like nothing else. I closed my eyes and just stood there, breathing, letting the warm water run over my hands like some kind of magic balm bringing me back down. I opened my eyes again, a woman with a toddler smiled at me like she knew - which made me worry again because it’s not something I want people to know because I don’t want to be different, I don’t want anyone to look at me differently. But at the same time, I do. I want to be able to stand up for myself and say “I literally physically cannot go into this loud, crowded restaurant because I’m autistic and it is so auditorily overwhelming in there.” And maybe that wasn’t even what her smile meant. Because I literally never know how people are feeling and I try to figure it out but honestly 90% of the time it’s just guesswork.

But it’s not just that. It’s not just the panic that sets in when it’s too crowded and the sounds are too much. It’s the fact that as a kid, I was never “just” a fan of something I liked. I either didn’t care, or it was an all-consuming obsession that basically became a personality trait. I was a fan of Aaron Carter, but god forbid anyone ask me a question about his music or anything — because whether or not you were interested (and unless you flat out told me you were uninterested, I literally could not tell), I was going to info-dump everything onto you. I could tell you what time he was born, how many minutes were between him and his twin sister, which concerts his sister Leslie sang at (because she also had a small music career), at what point in his career he actually started singing live instead of lip syncing most of the time...

And speaking of info-dumping. If I couldn’t info dump to someone, I would write it. As a child - second, third, fourth grade...- I wrote essays upon essays on things I was interested in just because I could. Just everything I knew on the topic, thrown out into words either handwritten as a younger kid or typed as I got older. When I was in about fifth or sixth grade, when Harry Potter was HUGE and all my friends were also into Harry Potter, I couldn’t tell everything I knew to my friends because they already knew a lot of it...and so as a kid, maybe a fifth grader, I wrote a six (maybe seven?) page essay - single spaced - with everything I knew about the series/the author/everything. Before the last book came out, I filled an entire spiral bound notebook with my theories for how the series would end and WHY I thought what I thought.

My first NOW That’s What I Call Music CD was Now 14. I was in 7th grade and I could tell you exactly what order the songs were in. That was something I did to calm myself down back then; listing the songs on that album over and over and over again, always in the right order.

From about 7th grade until high school graduation, I brought and ate the exact same thing for lunch every single day. I said it was because I liked it, but I really didn’t. I didn’t like the Oscar Mayer precooked bacon that I would put on my BLT. I didn’t like the texture, half the time I couldn’t bring myself to eat it and picked it off my sandwich. But the thought of changing it??? That wasn’t even something I would have considered because somehow in my mind, changing it was worse than eating it. Make that one make sense.

I love routines and schedules and things staying the same, and get annoyingly stressed out when things/my schedule changes. One little change or one little thing out of the ordinary and it’s like I forget how to function for the day. Everything seems off. And I hate it. Because I KNOW that it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Half days and two hour delays at school growing up?? Those stressed the FUCK out of me because the order of the day would be different. I loved school and loved learning, but those days I felt physically ill over the thought of going to school. Field trip days were okay though because I knew they were coming and I had plenty of time to mentally prepare myself. I remember as a child asking my teachers (on multiple occasions) for the itinerary for a field trip so I could memorize it and know exactly what to expect and when for the day.

There are times that my fiancée will turn on the tv for “background noise” while she watches videos on her phone, and I wish I could describe what I mean when I tell her that there’s “too many sounds”. Because between the tv, her phone, the hum of the refrigerator in the other room, the neighbors, cars driving by, the cats playing, the ceiling fan...I don’t know how else to describe it other than exactly that — too many sounds. And it gets to be too much. So I have to put headphones in and listen to music to drown it all out and refocus.

I’ve only just recently been able to put a word to what I now know is poor executive function. As much as I loved school, I could NOT do assignments until the day they were due. I could start on something days before it was due, but I couldn’t work on it. I couldn’t focus on it. I couldn’t get myself to work on it. But the morning it was due??? I could whip up a paper that I knew would earn an A just hours before needing to turn it in. I prided myself on that ability, but looking back it was most definitely poor executive function. If I couldn’t finish something that morning, which was a rare occurrence, I would lie - I’d look “everywhere” for my assignment and “panic” because I “couldn’t find it” and because I was a good student, I got away with it. Every. Single. Time. Even with the hard-ass teachers who no one could get away with things on. And magically by the end of the day, I would swing back by that teacher’s classroom to give them my assignment that I had finally “found”.

I remember sitting on the kitchen floor of our apartment as a kid and tracing my fingers along the lines on the floor where the tiles met. I remember the pattern was brown/white/brown/white, but there was one spot on the floor that made me so irrationally frustrated because two tiles were swapped; instead of the same pattern as the rest of the floor, this one spot was brown/white/white/brown/brown/white. I remember pointing it out and my mom asking me why I had even paid any attention to that. I didn’t know why, I just did. I remember her telling me that it was stupid to let it bother me and to just let it go, but I couldn’t. I stopped mentioning it, but right up until we moved out of that apartment, I couldn’t even look at that spot on the floor without getting frustrated by it. There’s more than that. But that was one of the first things I thought of.

I’ve been watching a lot of Yo Samdy Sam’s videos on YouTube, and especially her videos “Autism symptoms in GIRLS” and “Could YOU be autistic? (and not know)” and I just... I feel that. Everything she says, I feel that. I watch them just thinking “that’s me. That’s me.” the entire time. She mentions sucking on her hair as a kid, and I did that CONSTANTLY. My hair was forever in my mouth. And now that I’m an adult, I don’t suck on my hair, but my sweatshirt strings are always in my mouth. Obviously there’s more than that, but that was one that hit me hard because I didn’t realize that wasn’t just something everyone did as a kid. I didn’t realize not everyone couldn’t stand still and always had to be fidgeting or moving slightly, whether it was rocking on my ankles, running my thumb over my other fingers, crossing and uncrossing my toes inside my shoes. I didn’t realize not everyone had the same shitty executive functioning skills as me.

And it’s like... I’m so sure that’s me. I’m so sure that I am autistic. I know it. But it’s like...is getting a diagnosis at this point in my life going to change anything? I mean no, probably not, other than giving me that validation that I crave. I would feel valid when the world is too much/too big/too loud. I would have a reason for feeling the way I do and doing the things I do. So much of my life would make sense. But. I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll try to get a diagnosis and have someone, some doctor or therapist or psychologist or someone tell me that I’m not. And then what? Then what is everything I’ve felt throughout my life? That’s what I’m afraid of, really. Because if I’m so sure of this and then some professional says “no that’s not it”, then what?

#personal #just venting I guess #not venting that’s not the right word #just throwing my thoughts on here and trying to make sense of them because it’s my blog and I can #autism #autism in adults #actually autistic

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1063

survey by pinkchocolate

Have you done any of the same things as me this year? (2020 edition)

Planned a shopping spree with a friend?

Visited a shopping centre/mall? Malls are extremely commonplace here and honestly they already serve as the main tourist attractions if you find yourself in Manila, which is why Manila has never been a popular tourist destination itself (foreign tourists usually head to neighboring provinces, which is smart on their end). I’ve been to malls at least 20-30 times this year, but that’s only because of the pandemic. I probably go close to 50-70 times in a normal year.

Had lunch with a friend? Yeah I caught lunch with Angela a couple times at the start of the year. I had a one-photo-a-day gimmick on Instagram, and I’m pretty sure I have a photo of her in there during one of our lunch dates.

Ordered pizza at a restaurant? Again, at the start of the year. Gab and I loved Italian restaurants so we definitely ordered pizza several times.

Been in a department store? I needed to briefly enter one a couple of weeks ago to look for gift wrappers.

Bought pretty new lingerie?

Had coffee with a friend? Yeah Gab and I had study dates at coffee shops every single week. Now, obviously, I just take myself.

Bought DVDs?

Had a cold?

Bought toiletries as a gift for someone else?

Had dinner in a restaurant with your family? Yeah I’m fairly certain we did this at least a couple of times between January and early March. The last time I dined in anywhere was a month ago, but I was only with my parents and my siblings didn’t come along.

Had one of your kitchen appliances break? Our plumbing is a little fucked in general and sometimes we’ll have minor leaks on the floor. My dad’s knives have also gotten a bit dull, so I got him a new knife set for Christmas. But no damage to appliances.

Watched a movie at the cinema?

Struggled for food when the panic buying began? We struggled in that it was a bitch to enter the groceries at first. My dad did the grocieries for us during that time and that was back when they strictly enforced the number of people allowed in the supermarket at one time; and no matter how early he queued, there was always already a line that got there before him. He’d wait around three hours and once he was finally let in, a bunch of alleys or sections in the grocery would already be empty or at least close to becoming empty. We never went hungry or had to skip meals or anything like that, but I do remember having to make do with lesser-known brands we never used before because sometimes those would be the only options left at the grocery.

Wanted to hug a friend, but didn't because you had to social distance? I hugged Angela when I saw her a couple of days ago, and I also hugged Gab when we were still together.

Felt afraid of Covid? My fears over it have tamed over the year, to be honest; but I’m still wary, of course. I hate it when people stand near me and I follow the safety protocols everywhere I go.

Felt afraid to leave the house? Only during the peak of the virus, from March to around May or June. Nowadays I kinda have to go out every now and then for the sake of my sanity.

Deliberately avoided watching the news because it made you feel upset? I mean I took up journ lol so I always watch the news, no matter how upsetting it can get. The one and only time I remember asking my sister to switch the channel was when there was a report on animal abuse.

Had to cancel plans for your birthday? I didn’t have plans for it in the first place, or at least I didn’t have the chance to make them yet, so I’m glad there was nothing to cancel.

Spent your birthday at home? This was the only choice I had. My birthday fell on the most serious and strictest phase of the quarantine, and this was back when nothing was open yet.

Collected a parcel from your doorstep? Online shopping is a norm for me now, lol. I used to not trust it, but now I probably buy at least one item a week.

Eaten an entire box of chocolates in one day? I don’t even like chocolate that much. That sounds so uncomfortably sweet.

Drank fruit flavoured cider?

Eaten birthday cake? Sure, we had cake for my mom’s, my aunt’s, and my cousin’s/godson’s birthdays.

Had a grandparent move into long-term care? My remaining grandparents are all fortunately still very healthy.

Kept a journal of your thoughts and feelings during lockdown? This is technically it, whether’s there’s a lockdown or not. I tried starting a journal after my breakup, but I couldn’t keep it up because my wrist strains easily from handwriting now, hahaha. I find that doing surveys suffice.

Had distressing dreams/nightmares related to the pandemic? No, but about other pressing events in my life.

Felt concerned about your financial situation? Not mine but my family’s.

Returned to a social platform that you took a break from? I left Facebook for a few months after the breakup. I’m back on it again because I had missed the memes, but I also want to permanently delete that account for good, open a new one, and just add the people I want to keep having in my circle. Like I love Gabie’s family to death but I don’t see the point in being Facebook friends with them still, and it actually feels kinda awkward now still seeing them on my list. Idk. We’ll see. I might keep my account or start a new one altogether.

Missed a past hobby or interest? I mean I missed going to malls and bars and going out with my friends, if that counts as an interest. I had to do much less of that this year.

Started a new hobby? I started doing embroidery about a month ago, and a few days ago I started working out. My body is as sore as all fuck, but at least it makes me feel good about myself. For the new year, I also plan on starting a skincare routine after 22 years of not doing anything with my face lol and maybeeee start experimenting with coffee and buy different kinds of beans just because?? Idk, I have a lot of cute hobbies planned out for next year haha I’m excited to see how it goes.

Joined some new Facebook groups? Both for work and personal purposes, yep.

Made some new friends online? I definitely like that I’ve become closer and more familiar with the survey community here. I feel like I barely interacted with anyone pre-Covid, when real life was still a bit more hectic and when it was more difficult to find time to relax and sit down and read everyone’s answers. I also became friends with Justine, Angel, and Bianca when I started as an intern at my workplace.

Felt annoyed because you saw someone without a mask? Everyone wears a mask in public, and there are always people assigned to monitor and lightly scold those stubborn enough to take their masks off. So this isn’t the case, but what I do find annoying is when people stand or walk too close to you. Just last week at the grocery this lady was close enough to be breathing down my neck when I was lining up at the cashier; being non-confrontational for the most part, it felt like being in the deepest pit of hell.

Felt like people were staring at you when you wore a mask? I feel like people are more likely to stare at people who DON’T have a mask.

Bought new stationery? My sister has tons of stationery in her room for whatever reason; when I need one to write short notes or letters, I just ask for some from her.

Video-called your extended family and friends? For sure. We did this a lot especially during the earlier parts of the year.

Written a letter to someone you missed?

Disagreed with the behaviour of a friend?

Felt surprised when someone wanted to be your friend? No one directly said it to me; but as an intern on my first day of the job, it was a really pleasant surprise to find that the co-interns I was going to be with weren’t boring, unemotional cogs who just aimed to do work. They were HILARIOUS from the get-go, was confused as fuck about work, and I could see they just wanted to make our tiny intern family a close-knit and happy group, to which I gladly agreed and went along with.

Bought a new pair of shoes? I got new shoes meant for my first job interview, but I haven’t gotten any brand new sneakers in a while :(

Replaced some toiletries that you ran out of during lockdown? I guess? Toiletries are necessities, so.

Bought some new books? I read new ones, but I didn’t buy them. Some I saw copies of on the internet; one was given as a gift to me.

Bought new cosmetics? I don’t use those.

Received a belated birthday present?

Received a present from a friend overseas?

Discovered a new author that you liked?

Felt like you were drifting away from people you were once close to? *A person. Yeah, well.

Found out that someone you knew had contracted Covid? She’s a mutual friend from my high school days. We aren’t close but we’ve kept in touch by still following each other on social media. She wrote about her experience with Covid on a blog entry.

Realised you had formed a deep connection with someone? I got a lot closer with Andi both because we had to work together for our thesis and because they were there for me, unconditionally and untiringly, when I was coping with my breakup and was in rough shape.

Worried about the financial situation of someone close to you? Of my family, like I said, yes. We had to sell the Vitara because the money that pours into the household monthly isn’t enough to keep paying for it. To be fair, that car was a very big impulse buy by my dad, so we didn’t and don’t feel too bad about losing it hahaha.

Let your guard down to someone? I don’t think so. I was on red alert this year since Gab increasingly broke my trust.

Had an issue with something on social media? Yeah, but I don’t want to get into it. That was such a long time ago and is so irrelevant now.

Felt disconnected from others? I deliberately did so three months ago, so much so that I had acquaintances I barely talked to since graduating talk to Andi and ask where I’ve been.

Changed your internet provider? We’ve had the same one for like 8-9 years now. It works pretty okay for five people who stream videos all day, so we haven’t felt the need to switch.

Felt fortunate/thankful? I mean I’m here, scar-less, and happy with myself on December 31, 2020, right?

Tried some new foods that you enjoyed? Baked sushi is so fucking good.

Re-read a book that you loved? Crazy Is My Superpower by AJ Mendez (aka my favorite girl wrestler, AJ Lee) is always a good read to come back to.

#survey #surveys

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tanoraqui · 4 years

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I just wanted you to know that I just read all your hellmurder castle 'verse posts and I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCH

what you have to understand about my Hellmurder Castle AU (Homestuck set in the world of Girl Genius, if you haven’t read it) is that it was born specifically from my spite exasperation with all the long, epic AUs about either only the trolls or the trolls + beta kids, with alpha kids appearing as background characters at best and often not at all. Many of these fics are great, and many of them were written or at least planned before the alpha kids even appeared in canon, in which case it’s not the authors’ faults at all. But I LOVE my alpha kids, and Roxy may be my favorite and Dirk is a delight, but I was ALSO tired to tears of how even in fics featuring the alpha kids, it was almost always Derse-heavy.

So I basically said “fuck it”, yeeted them all into the world of Girl Genius (which was inevitable), figured out the torrid backstory of the beta kids and ancestors and how the dancestors and trolls fit in, and set about focussing the plot and character development exclusively on the alpha kids, particularly Jake and Jane. Particularly particularly Jake, because a) I thought him more underappreciated than Jane, and b) the idea of a Heroic Adventurer who constantly has to resist his own reflex to be a minion is fucking funny.

Let’s elaborate, shall we? Because I’m okay again, after the epilogue. I have forgiven. So, the hypothetical pfennig novels/fics in a series:

Jake English: Escape from Castle Lalonde

In which Jake leaves home, and meets a number of interesting people.

covers from basically that scene of Roxy capturing him through Jake escaping with Jane, and them agreeing to be adventuring partners. A lot of the middle consists of Jake helping Roxy and Dirk win back Roxy’s ancestral home of Castle Lalonde, defeating whatever villainous spark - probably an OC - had taken up residence.

Jake means to leave, but Roxy and Dirk need help cleaning up, and getting their labs running, and with interesting projects…and possibly they put a shock collar on him so he can’t leave the grounds…or at least tell him that’s what the collar does, and prove it, like, twice, and then turn it off because they don’t actually want him crippled in an emergency; mostly he’s just a great minion and Roxy is pretty sure he’s destined to be part of their team for defeating the Batterwitch, as laid out in the obscure and highly metaphorical prophecy her mother left her in a wizard book.

this is not at all good ground for either friendship or a healthy minion/master relationship, which is why Jake is pretty damn game to help Jane escape and then run away with her.

Jake English and the Red Miles

in which…I actually have barely any memory of wtf is supposed to happen in this one. Presumably, they have to survive the Red Miles at some point, with some ridiculous series of revivificationsthe trolls show up at Jake and Jane’s camp (okay fine, I love them, too), and after some alarmed mutual weapon-pointing, explain that Jake’s grandmother, Lady English, made them after Jake left, except now she’s died so they’ve come to find Jake and either bring him home or, at least, join his adventuring team and keep him safe

(yeah, Jade instilled some loyalty, which is Sketch. In fairness, when she lost control of the original generation of trolls, all her best friends were killed and/or disappeared, presumed dead. she has reasons)

I wonder if there was supposed to be a timeskip between this and the previous book, or if Escape from Castle Lalonde happened later into Jake going out adventuring than I think, or if Jade just got bored and made 12 new people like…3 hours after Jake left home

for pacing, the trolls should probably show up pretty early in this story, so they have a long time to be around before shit hits the fan

a lot of this book, aside from whatever shenanigans they’re dealing with re: Red Miles, would be Jake dealing with the fact that he is suddenly responsible for 12 people who keep looking to him for orders, and somewhere in the distance is an entire town (Hellmurder Village) that’s likewise.

they do not go back to the Castle at the end of this book, even though they arguably should bc Jake has responsibilities. But he also has adventuring to do, by golly, and…hm, it’s one of the Rings that causes the Red Miles, isn’t it? So maybe they get it at the end of this book, and now they have to track down the other one. Which brings us to…

Jake English and the Rings of Skaia

In which Jake and Jane (and Roxy and Dirk, and 12 young trolls) explore a castle, learn a little history, and generally level up their friendshipsI split up the aspects of Castle Heterodyne in this au: Jake has the recently inherited Castle with the terrifying, nigh-magical power source buried in its depths, and Jane has the abandoned derelict that is fully sentient, most automated, and even more malicious than it is trapped. This is the story of that castle, and the Ring of Life hidden somewhere in it

Jack Noir. The castle’s sentience is Jack Noir. Or perhaps more accurately Spades Slick? Who cares.

I had a very elaborate mythology/history thought up at some point about the twin spark queens of Derse and Prospit and their great enmity, and the saga of betrayal and heroism that marked their reigns and left behind this castle and two super magical scientific rings of power, and I do not remember ANY of it now.

This is the bit where that scene of Dirk ripping out Vriska’s soul comes from. He and Roxy are here for the fabled treasure as well - possibly the castle only appears/is accessible at certain specific times? And they don’t know the trolls are with Jake, so…clusterfuck, there.

Jake English and the Troll Queen

in which the big bad is reveeled

there’s trouble brewing in the countryside, idk, monsters or pirates or something that can be traced, after some investigative heroing, to the self-styled Her Imperial Condescension, still unfortunately at large

mostly this fic is Jake growing into leadering a little more but also addressing the question of that inbuilt loyalty Jade gave this generation of trolls, because really, that was Sketch - and in general, who are we as people defined by who we follow, what groups we ally ourselves with; is it birth or genetics or who raised us or the family we choose or…

i kinda think Dirk and Roxy are conducting concurrent but generally not overlapping investigations to Jake&Jane’s(+the trolls) (dirk and roxy having pretty neatly answered all the above questions years ago by choosing each other, but still being kind of insular about it, and need to relax just enough to trust other people)

in the end there’s some confrontation with the Condesce and she convinces ½-2/3 the trolls to join her bc, honestly, why shouldn’t they

Jake English and the Castle in the Lake

in which…okay, in this one bit of fic I implied her base was in the ocean but I totally had this title written somewhere, so what is the truth??

in the above linked scene, the trolls who stayed with Jake and Jane were Karkat, Terezi, Kanaya, Gamzee, and Feferi, but idk about that. If Feferi’s there, why isn’t Sollux? And, like, Aradia would probably have just fucked off in her own direction completely, given the chance…

our heroes are trying to sneak into HIC’s base and disable it, okay. that is the plot of this one. probably they have to find it first, which is tricky, and basically a D&D dungeon crawl, and that’s before Jane gets tiara’d. Which definitely happens climactically. and then everyone else gets captured, with the possible exception of Dirk, who probably gets beheaded instead. things do not look good for our heroes…

Jake English and the Lost Hero

in which we find out exactly what happened in the previous generation

maybe even alternating chapters, past/present?

what happened basically is that the first generation of trolls, the Ancestors, went absolutely batshit roughly as per homestuck canon. The Condesce, being OP, started just conquering land. She was stopped, eventually, mostly by the epic sacrifice of Rose and Dave. And John…except Rose and Dave’s bodies were found, and in a clusterfuck of inventions warping time and space and reality itself, John’s never was

Jade survived, of course. obviously.

John did, too, it is revealed. He was just disconnected from the time-space continuum, stuck popping up in random times and places, sometimes close to those he loved and sometimes not, mostly uncontrollable…

he’s appeared here and there throughout the stories, probably, a mysterious figure in blue who nearly has time to say something before dissolving into fizzing wind. Now he appears more frequently, and for longer periods as the story goes on, including just enough to help break Roxy and Jake out of prison. And whichever trolls were stubbornly sticking with them - if the Condesce wasn’t just mind-controlling all the reluctant ones…let’s be real, she was…lotta “I know you’re in there somewhere” fights here, probably

also, Vriska reveals herself to still be trying to help our heroes, because it is SO Vriska to try to double-cross Her fucking Imperious Condescension

this double-cross is revealed partly from her using Jake’s minioning safeword that he developed with Grandma Jade, way back when; meaning roughly “I don’t want to do this but I’m not sure I can stop”. It’s pumpkin, of course.

they revivify Dirk on the way out, and either stop in the Condesce’s lab to get sparkily distracted trying to pin John into reality or they make it back to Hellmurder Castle before doing that?

What am I saying. The Condesce is probably working on some spacetime-warping tech of her own, and Roxy, Dirk, and Jake use it to fully anchor John for the first time in…who knows, subjectively? It’s possible he stays behind to buy them time to run

Jake English and the Battle for the Green Sun

in which things come to a head

aka the Battle for Hellmurder Castle, and it’s mysterious and terrible power source

Jane and half or so of the trolls start out on the Condesce’s side, but if you thought there were good “I know you’re in there” fights before, just WAIT until Jake saves Jane with the power of friendship

ultimately, it’s alpha kids + Alternian trolls + dancestor-clanks VS Her Imperial Condescension

it’s close

it’s very close

I would have krilled for an H–EIR—ESS CHALLENGE X3 COMBO, ie, Jane, Feferi, and Meenah vs. the Condesce, so that happens

John maybe appears one last time-displaced time, for him before the events of Lost Hero, to deliver a well-timed hammer swing

I love Jake, but I’ll give Homestuck this one: Roxy getting the final blow with an ancestral Strider sword? Perfect.

in the denoument Jake awkwardly invites everyone to live in Hellmurder Castle, because he feels vaguely like he should stay and look after it, and of course he wants his chums around. Jane, Roxy, and Dirk are all like, “well, a real lab or seven would be amazing…but also…adventuring. Why don’t YOU come with US?” Jake is like, “oh JEEPERS yes!” The trolls and dancestors meanwhile talk out among themselves who genuinely wants to stay and who wants to go out adventuring, either with these idiots or just to make their own way

#homestuck #girl genius #jake english #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #hellmurder castle au #my fic #ficlet #ministro spei #virgine vitae #hs trolls #dancestors #latrone nihil #duce animi #random anon asks

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savannahr11 · 3 years

Text

Savannah Rogers

English 102, Section 6

Professor Sumstad

Commentary Essay

11/15/2020

The Impact Social Media has on Mental Health

(Call to Action)

While many of us enjoy connecting with people through social media, we often fail to notice the impacts it has on our mental health. In the past decade, we have seen many social networking sites have come and gone such as Facebook, Myspace, Instagram, etc. We see these sites as a way to share ideas and connect with friends. Researchers have recently said that these networking sites lead to several mental disorders including low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Because social media is newer, many questions people have about future impacts are left unanswered. The World Economic Forum explains that studies show people between the ages 14-24 are the most vulnerable to mental health disorders. Social media and the Internet are only getting stronger and more addicting to people in today’s society. Many teens can’t even imagine a world without technology, and it is only deteriorating their minds more and more. Social media is deteriorating mental health in people of all ages because of reoccurrences of cyberbullying, self-image issues, and the ideas of online vs reality. Furthermore, society needs to find alternatives to social networking sites, self-monitor the use of technology, and connect with people through social media that bring you positivity.

Cyberbullying is when the use of electronic communication is used to bully a person, usually by sending intimidating or hurtful messages. In an article titled, “51 Critical Cyberbullying Statistics in 2020” by Broadband Search, 73% of teens said they have been cyberbullied before and 44% of them said they were cyberbullied in the last 30 days. Bullying through a screen has become a world problem in more recent years. Social media allows kids to say what they want to people without getting the repercussions as if they were in person. The US Library of Medicine stated that “In general, researchers have examined the relationship between involvement with cyberbullying and adolescents’ tendency to internalize issues. For example, the development of negative affective disorders, loneliness, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and somatic symptoms. Many victims described themselves as feeling powerless, sad, and hopeless.” The few ways we can help stop cyberbullying are to take action if we see it happening, save the evidence, and use the app’s tools such as blocking the user. By not attempting to put a stop to cyberbullying, we are setting a failed example for future generations.

As the want for social media increases so does the ideas of self-body images. Today, we see celebrities and models setting a certain “body type” for social media users to look at. With the direction the media is heading in, body types are getting talked about in songs, television shows, and especially on social media. There is a stigma around what the “ideal” body is whether it be comparing yourself to a Victoria Secret model or one of the Kardashians. According to Boston College Professor Amanda Doria, “Approximately 40% of 9- and 10-year-old girls are already trying to lose weight. This is largely a consequence of how the media, in general, has painted a picture of the “ideal” body type: tall, stick-thin women who have very few curves.” Setting an ideal body shape in your mind can lead to lower self-esteem, depression, and even eating disorders. Furthermore, the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality states that “Hospital stays due to eating disorders in the United States increased 18% from 2000-2006, with 28,155 patients being treated. This increase coincides with the initial emergence of social media in the early 2000s.” There are several solutions to stop the thought of a negative body image. The most important solutions to follow are to stop judging other people’s bodies on social media, cleanse your feed from any accounts that are creating these thoughts, and follow accounts that show a body image like yours. We are starting to see more “body positive” and “love your self-image" posts across social media which is spreading awareness to men and women that suffer from the negativity of self-image issues due to social media.

The social media persona we present is often different from who we are in real life. The unclear difference between online vs reality harms our mental health. We often see posts on numerous social networking sites of people living happy and getting out and doing things but what we don’t see are their hard and low moments of life. Chicago’s School of Psychology, Dr. Ali Jazayeri states, “Social media is showing the dangers of slipping too far into a virtual world and losing a sense of real life, the real self, and real priorities.” This results in social media users finding themselves comparing their lives to a “fantasy” life they are seeing on a screen. Jazayeri also wrote, “Some people use this social media to create something that they are not,” he says, explaining that the virtual world can distract people so much from their real lives that they either forget who they are or become so involved in the reality they’ve created that they don’t want to work on their own issues.” It is noted by The School of Chicago, that comparing your daily experiences and life to someone else’s what is shown to be “happy” life can lead to anxiety and depression. To avoid mental health issues due to the idea of online vs reality, you simply should limit your time on social media and avoid certain accounts that create the negative feeling. It is important that we stop comparing our lives to other people’s to try and find happiness amongst ourselves.

Social media has both benefits and detriments when it comes to our mental health. In the last 10 years, the way we communicate has changed significantly because of social media. However, it is still unclear how this different form of communication affects normal human behavior and mental health. It is important to remember that these apps can’t replace our human-to-human connection. By finding alternatives to social networking sites, self-monitoring the use of technology, and connecting with people through social media that bring you positivity, we can lessen the number of people that are victims of the mental health problems social media brings.

Annotated Bibliography

“51 Critical Cyberbullying Statistics in 2020.” Mar. 2020. The article explains how bullying has been around since the start of mankind but in more recent years we have seen a shift in the way bullying is occurring because of technology. The authors of the blog go in depth with facts and statistics on how cyberbullying is affecting young adults and adolescent’s mental health. The statistics in the article are all pulled from researchers from universities and mental health research centers. The authors educate the readers on several different aspects that revolve around cyberbullying and mental health such as, the impacts cyberbullying has, what victims should do, and how it is a persistent problem here in the United States.

Doria, Amanda. “The Effects Social Media on Body Image and Mental Health.” Nov. 2019. In the article, Doria explains how in the last decade scientists and parents are worrying more about the repercussions social media has on the mental health of future generations. The author states, “Many studies have shown that this accessibility can have serious effects on the mental health of children, and body image in young girls especially. When scrolling through various social media platforms such as Instagram, young girls and teens are subconsciously comparing themselves to the seemingly perfect bodies and lives of influencers and other celebrities.” With photoshop and filters becoming a new normal across all social media, not only depression and anxiety but eating disorder cases are getting worse. Amanda Doria concludes her article saying that society should start disconnecting themselves from their phones and social media to have a better quality of life.

Hutchinson, Andrew. “Who Are You IRL? Social Media vs Reality.” Aug. 2020. Hutchinson explains how people make their lives look “perfect” through a social media profile, but in reality, it is the opposite. The author tells how 87.73% of women compare their own body to images they see online. People disregard whether Kylie Jenner or Kim Kardashian’s body is photoshopped in their pictures and compare themselves to the pictures. He wraps up the article with a small conclusion saying how comparing our realistic and everyday lives to someone who only shows off only their happy moments is worsening our mental health and increasing anxiety and depression.

Mir, Elina. “Social Media and Adolescents’ and Young Adults’ Mental Health. Jan. 2020. In the article, Mir explains both the negative and positives that social media has on young adults’ and adolescents’ mental health. She notes that a positive to social media is that kids can stay connected with friends while a negative is that it can cause severe anxiety. The author states, “32% of 12-17 year old's report having anxiety and the percentage is only increasing.” Mir goes on to say that the increasing numbers are due to the constant need for social media and idea known as “FOMO.” Parents also get informed on what they can do to help if their child is experiencing one of the numbers of mental illnesses caused by social media.

Sperling, Jacqueline. “Like It or Not, Social Media Is Affecting Your Mental Health.” Feb. 2020. A psychologist specializing in anxiety at McLean Hospital goes in depth about social media feedback and what it does to your mental health. The big debate she addresses is if social media should take away “likes” or reactions. For example, Instagram was said to take away the “likes” feature on the app. Sperling states, “Even if you remove the likes, there continue to be opportunities for comparisons and feedback. People still can compare themselves to others, and people still can post comments.” The author concludes her article explaining that social media is here to stay but society and the social media apps have to work together to find a middle ground to keep the platforms safe for the future.

#social networking #mentalheathawareness

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engineclose3 · 4 years

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Tips For Obtaining One Of The Most Roi When Including A Sun Parlor.15 Concerns To Ask When Selecting A Home Builder.

Lennar Homes, Sale Price, As Well As Settlements.

Content

Just How The Property Improvement And Also Refurbishment Providers In London Job.

Rj Refurbishment Providers.

Begin Your Project.

Little Orangery Conservatories As Well As Glass Conservatories.

Let The Sunshine In! Whatever You Wished To Know About Sunrooms

Link your glass space to your home's HEATING AND COOLING system to readjust the temperature when the weather transforms cool. Fireplaces and mobile heaters also work to maintain the location cosy throughout the wintertime. When installing a fireplace, ensure you're complying withstandard guidelines.

You will certainly have numerous options when it pertains to doors, colours, glazing, equipment, as well as surfaces. You might also personalise to operate in the way you desire it to function. There are remarkable benefits as well as attribute which you can not obtain with a conventional extension. If you merely want even more area, we can offer you a no-obligation quote to aid you accomplish your demands.

How The Property Remodelling As Well As Repair Services In London Job.

The Ultrasky Flat Skylight can additionally be coupled with an optional kerb to sit atop. The kerb is likewise highly thermally effective and so is a superb selection to even more boost the heat within your orangery. https://trusted-builders.co.uk/bungalow-extensions/ means that the Ultrasky Apartment Skylight is unrivalled in regards to thermal efficiency among the other flat skylights on the marketplace. This implies it is the greatest option you can make if you are adding flat skylights to your orangery and also desire it to be warm and cosy, all year round.

Rj Repair Solutions.

Is Construction Management stressful?

The downside of authority is the stress that comes with it comes. Construction managers need extreme patience and excellent coping skills. During major projects, they spend long hours on job. Unpredictable weather and other factors that delay timely construction also contribute to stress.

Start Your Project.

No - orangeries are not cold in winter season, in fact they are hot. Orangery roofing systems are highly thermally effective, indicating that orangeries are warm and also comfy, whatever the moment of year. A choice of colour options for your sunroom is available to match your residence.

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With so many differences between orangeries and also sunrooms, it's hard to know what one is best for your residence. You can have either mounted with nearly any kind of style of property, yet it is necessary to think about a couple of things before you get to make a final decision. Yes 17k is the best cost since the materials and labour cost will come up to 12k to 13k and also remainder of the cash is contractors obtain which he is entitled to after having all the trouble. However the best place to start will certainly always be with a general price calculation.

That being said, older homes usually have an unique architectural beauty that you seldom discover in freshly built houses, and that can sometimes counter the price of any type of future fixings or renovations.

Now that we remain in your home, everything has been excellent, no major problems.

Skanska is a Swedish based business that has lots of subsidiaries around Sweden and the world, making them one of the largest construction business on the planet.

Skanska's specialties in building and construction are in framework and also basic building construction.

They will develop bridges and roads, in addition to houses, hospitals, and institutions.

The number of houses constructed by the biggest 100 building contractors fell 11% from 40,138 to 35,909.

visit this web-site than understandable to intend to obtain the most effective bargain when we purchase something, and also it's especially real when you are wanting to purchase a "big-ticket" thing like a new conservatory for your house. So allow's take a look at what you can expect with our valuable guide to 2020 conservatory costs.

Tiny Orangery Conservatories And Also Glass Conservatories.

Just enter your information right here as well as among the experts will certainly either meet you In-Person or On-Line to discuss your job. If removing the 'thermal barrier' doors make certain the proper process has been complied with. When a house is valued for sale, the rate recommended is exercised on habitable space. An Expansion, nonetheless, is a habitable space and also the flooring area would be taken into consideration.

If you've determined that it's for you, then you'll need to determine between a three-season as well as four-season porch. Based upon this experience, you could say that the principle of a sun parlor was developed with the Minnesota environment in mind. The covering made use of in the ridge and hips of your roof covering can be provided in a contemporary aluminium or traditional tile capped layout. Fascias in a series of colours-- including rosewood and also oak--. can be supplied to boost your roofline. Our licenced and also expert contractors have years of experience in developing as well as making patio rooms that fit different client lifestyles.

Allow The Sunshine In! Every Little Thing You Wished To Know About Sunrooms

Select White for a contemporary surface, or Lotion, Rosewood, as well as Golden Oak completes for a standard appearance. You can also pick to have a timber grained exterior with a tidy White interior for the best of both globes. • Optional designs - Can be completed with gable ends or be hipped back diagonally from edges. With one wall surface currently built, they are quicker and also less costly to develop.

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Preparation your brand-new orangery is an interesting process and there are numerous choices to make along the road concerning just how it will certainly look. It is very important to research your options carefully to make sure that you create the orangery that is ideal for you as well as your house. Orangeries pair better with smaller sized residences, due to their rectangular form. Covering excessive surface with an oversized orangery might ruin the aesthetic allure of your residence. You additionally wouldn't wish to cover way too much of your yard with an orangery, so take that right into account when choosing in between both.

Are Ryan Homes really that bad?

Think twice If you are buying a Ryan Home please don't. They are really bad built. We are having a lot of issues with our house and the problems come after they 1 year warranty expires. The house was built in 2018 and it worst house ever.

But that doesn't indicate there aren't basic guidelines or regulations. Below are some harsh numbers for each sort of extension that can help give you a general idea. As rate of interest start to rise, it may be that you do not wish to actually relocate from the building that you are currently residing in and also may instead want to erect an expansion to your house.

In London and also the South East, the typical price per m2 is around ₤ 1,500- ₤ 2,000+. But this can likewise depend upon your surfaces as well as what you really want from the restroom. It's worth noting that, from a planning permission viewpoint, you can have showers as well as WCs anywhere. Plans as well as consent need to make up plumbing and then the pipes in fact needs to be mounted. And also to guarantee your expansion depends on your assumptions, it's an excellent concept to get this done properly.

Is Lennar better than DR Horton?

Horton stands at 3.7% compared with 29.1% for Lennar. Hence, Lennar is a clear winner in terms of earnings growth expectation. However, Lennar has a superior average earnings surprise of 68.9% compared with D.R. Horton's 8.6%.

The pitch of the roofing can be conveniently adjusted to fit your residential or commercial property. Orangeries have long been a favourite of homeowners with a good budget plan desiring a more "significant" area without the need to construct a bricks & mortar extension. As 2 of the extra bespoke designs of room, both Little Orangery Conservatories and Glass Conservatories are not what you would call "budget conservatories". If you stay with the fundamentals, it is still possible to find a fully fitted affordable 3 × 3 sunroom for under ₤ 6,000. So, as you can see, the sort of conservatory that you want to develop will certainly have a significant effect on costs.

Ensure to utilize these heat resources just when you remain in the space as well as disconnect them when you delegate reduce your energy expenses. Glass rooms allow you to broaden your living location and delight in the outdoors without leaving the convenience of your residence. To find out even more about the Ultrasky Light and also Apartment Skylight and how they can assist to make your orangery warm as well as cosy, see this web page.

So if you properly convert a Conservatory right into an Expansion you could likewise see the value of your home increase. Have thermal splitting up from the primary dwelling with doors of an external quality. You can include many useful elements such as bi-fold doors, vaulted ceilings, floor to ceiling glazing, gliding doors, pitched ceilings, as well as a lot more.

Are new houses better than old?

New homes are typically more energy efficient than older houses, having been built with newer building materials, better insulation, and state-of-the-art tech. Older homes tend to be less energy efficient, and that can lead to higher monthly expenditures for the new owners.

We make use of products that are built with high standards to make sure that the end outcome is a beautiful addition to your residence. Our group makes an effort to finish the job quickly as well as professionally.

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catsitta · 4 years

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Handle With Care - Post Mortem

When I first started writing Handle with Care, it was going to be 100 chapters long and there were a few key differences in the plot. These changes occurred generally slowly as I gained a better understanding of my world and characters, while some shifted dramatically due to my feeling they were thematically inappropriate for the story I wanted to tell. So with the conclusion of the main fic and its various continuations, I decided to detail a little more in how I approached a 100 word daily drabble fic, and why certain events occurred or why certain characters played certain roles. This post is mostly for the folks out there who like all the nitpicky background information that goes around in the author’s head while writing.

100 WORDS A DAY

In choosing to write 100 words a day, I gave myself both a goal and a challenge. 100 words is often little more than a paragraph. Maybe two. I often found myself writing on my commute into work or during lunch on my phone, because while 1000 might feel overwhelming, 100 is not. Right? Yet some days I found just enough time to type up 100 words between work and other commitments (October was interesting, since I did Inktober and well as Promptober, on top of my usual working schedule). But the most challenging part was not writing 100 words. Writing 100 words was easy. Writing ONLY 100 words was where things became tricky.

In my original intentions for this fic, scenes were not supposed to span over multiple chapters. Each drabble was to be a self contained snapshot of time. But as the story became more emotionally centered, I shifted away from that idea and focused more on making each drabble exist as a chapter. Chapters can have cliffhangers. But they need to communicate a thought. An idea. A feeling. With 100 words a day, my objective became: Progress the story in a meaningful way or communicate some important information to the audience. With 100 words, there was often little room for getting lost in details.

Now one my ask again, why 100?

100 is the number of words in the definition of a drabble. 100, again, is an easy minimum to reach. But when you are used to writing 2-3k word chapters, flexibility is minimal and you have to decide what needs to be said, and what you were saying to fill space. And I found it a wonderful learning experience and valuable exercise as a writer. I’ve attempted to start drabble fics in the past, but rarely did they ever get past a couple chapters before I would get frustrated by the limitations. Because let’s be honest. Writing a 25,000 word story, 100 words at a time, is a test of one’s patience as much as anything else.

THE STORY

Handle with Care was originally supposed to be pure romantic comedy with just a splash of darker undertones in the background for color. But as much as I love fluffy comedies, as I wrote, there were conflicts that I didn’t feel should be glossed over. As some of my long term readers and commenters will know, I’m terribly fond of bitter with my sweet. Angst with my fluff. The bad things in life make the good all the brighter. And conflict drives a story forward.

So what changed?

There were many different variations on how Sans ended up raising Papyrus alone. Some took our overbearing science dad, Gaster, and outright cast him in the role of a villain as opposed to a mid story antagonist. Straight into, why aren’t you in jail, territory. Others barely featured Gaster at all, as he was disconnected from Sans after his son didn’t end up pursuing a ‘productive’ career in the sciences. There were even a couple considered drafts where Papyrus and Edge did have another parent and the reason Sans was distrusting and cagey was because of a broken Soulbond. (And for those of you who were Web/Sans theorists, well, there was a version where you weren’t wrong! Sans started an affair off with Web after the LOADs began as a sort of ‘regain control of his life’ thing.)

What may interest folks is that the story was originally not supposed to end with a wedding and a house in the planning. The happy ending was going to be less sugar and more height of the moment drama. Around the time Frisk intimidates Red into silence, she was going to instead start him on the path to discovering answers. No confessions from Sans. No journals. Instead Red goes on the hunt for clues and gets fragments of the story from different people, especially Gaster and Frisk. It was all quite emotional, but the pacing felt off, and I felt it would be more rewarding if Sans grew as a character and he was the one to confess all his secrets.

Another altered thread was Red being only Web’s son. Early, early on, Red was the product of Web and some other monster. I even considered that monster having died in birth with Edge. But I scrapped that quickly, and decided that instead, Edge was Pap’s twin, and that the grim mood Web was in, was because of what he saw as well as what he remembered from past timelines. He almost watched his friend and coworker dust in his arms. Properly traumatic, eh?

There is a completely cut scene that I may write in the spin off that goes more into detail about Red’s similarities to Gaster, and Sans’ to Web, and how people often choose partners that are like their parental figures. You may ask. Wait. What do you mean? Well, Webdings didn’t smoke. He drank. Red, despite having dabbled with the stuff, is never shown to drink recreationally or get drunk in the fic, for more reasons than being underage to do so. However, it is very lightly implied that Sans’ coping method of choice is alcohol, though Red quickly quashes this habit after the drunkenness incident. Now, who else smokes? Gaster. Sans doesn’t like that Red smokes (for obvious reasons it reminds him of his father and Red does try to quit in the fic, though ends up falling back on it when stressed.) There are other similarities if you look close. It’s one of the reasons that Gaster and Red don’t get along. They’re both strong personalities, and can be pretty quick to pass judgement on someone.

THE CHARACTERS

As many folks picked up on, Handle with Care, has multiple meanings. It is a moving pun based on the CAUTION: FRAGILE | Handle with Care, labels on the sides of some boxes. It is also one of the main themes of the fic itself. Everyone in the story is a person with their own pasts and pains, which makes them fragile in different ways. And some of them even represent different types of relationships and people we encounter in our lives.

Red - Our protagonist. He’s a young man picking up the pieces of his life after his father’s apparent suicide, left to raise his baby brother when he was only sixteen. He’s the child of an alcoholic and forced to take on an adult role too young. As a result, he has a few unhealthy coping mechanisms, struggles with his temper and his sense of self worth. But he’s the one that got out. That put his life on the straight-and-narrow.

Sans - The love interest. Grew up young from the sheer expectations in his life. He was never without, but when the LOADs happened, he cracked under a lifetime’s worth of pressure. He broke down. Stopped trusting anyone, including himself. And very likely only kept himself from Falling because of Papyrus. Much of his struggles is based on the single mothers who would say that their child is what saved them or got them through those darkest time by just existing. He is also the individual who was groomed for success that ended up with absoluting no proper coping skills because of his rigid upbringing.

Papyrus - The optimist. He stays positive through everything. Everything and everyone can do better, and he sees the best in all situations. But he also has a responsible streak with an urge to organize everything (clean/cook/no desserts before dinner). His relationship with Sans could have very well ended up problematic, with Paps taking on a parental role for his parent early on in his life.

Edge - The pessimist. Edge is the other side of the coin from Papyrus. While his world view is often just as rigid, he is emotional. While it is implied he was always a fussy baby, he’s very sensitive to change, and shows that children are capable of picking up on things that the adults in their lives try to hide. His abandonment issues run deep, and will cause him to lash out until he is older and learns better self control and comes to terms with his father’s death. It is not uncommon for children of single parent homes to become resentful, if not at their present parent, but at the one that is gone. It is difficult for Edge to separate his father’s death, and Red’s fights with Sans, away from himself, and his self-centric view of the world.

Gaster - The (sympathetic?) antagonist. There are points where you love to hate him, and other times, you have to step back. He’s the authoritarian parent that dictated most of his child’s life up until that child literally vanished and became a hermit for a while. It isn’t through callousness or unkindness that he acts this way, but in what he believes is the opposite. He struggles with emotions, especially showing them, an example of how often older generations, especially males, often don’t/can’t/won’t show emotional vulnerability. He wants the best for Sans and those he cares about, even if he often fails to show it properly.

Web - The dead dad. Red’s relationship with Web is complicated. He remembers when Web was a brilliant man, even if not the most fatherly of fathers. But he also laid witness to his fall from grace as well, his drinking habit the most evident. His role is ambiguous much of the story, though he’s left behind hole. His death is the catalyst to a number of the story’s events, and Red’s struggle with him in death is to show the complicated feelings people may have when they lose a loved one who may have not been the best person. Sans’ relationship with him was more to highlight how far he’d actually fallen in the end from where he used to be.

Toriel - The mother. She is a maternal presence in many character’s lives. Her mothering is revealed to be related to her inability to conceive a child. Infertility is a common problem for women. She goes on to foster, babysit and even adopt after Asriel is born. She also an example of the powerful bonds we form with others and how sometimes families are found. Toriel was as much of a mother to Sans as she was Asriel.

The Fallen Humans - The catalyst. If Frisk didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be a story. After all, she was the child that climbed the mountain, starting the events of Undertale. Frisk and Chara both are implied to have troubled pasts, which lead them to being vulnerable to that idea of absolute power corrupts absolutely. The meddle. They are often selfish and don’t consider the consequences of their actions, and when they do, there is a sense of it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters when you can manipulate reality itself. But where Frisk possess a sense of guilt for what happened with Sans, Chara does not, and even outright tells Red that he is willing to do anything to accomplish his goals (even if that means hurting everyone else). Kris is a ‘dreamer’, and while he has more control over tweaking the events that play out, he is far less calloused by RESETS and LOADS. He just wants to be close to his brother Asriel, as well as help his ‘siblings’ find a sense of belonging.

Undyne - The Protagonist’s parallel. A child of divorce, which for monsters often leads to trauma and death, she is left to be raised by Gerson. She’s angry, resentful and prone to get in fights. Red often compares her to Edge, but can also empathise deeply with her troubles. At fourteen she is old enough to understand the reality of the situation, but also young enough to be deeply affected by the changes. Given the rarity of divorce, it is implied that her home life was unstable before the events of the story. Red tries to help her as he never got help himself.

Asriel - The miracle child. Mostly a background character. Asriel’s main connections are to Kris and the Dreemurs. He was the child that a couple struggling with fertility finally conceived. His being born, however, resulted Gaster creating Red for Webdings.

Asgore - The powerful person. Gaster and Toriel both have names that are impactful in the community, but Asgore is the founder of Dreemur Medical and Biotech. He was the King of Monsters. Despite his passive role, he influences many of the character’s choices and actions but simply EXISTING as a person of importance. Gaster tries to literally create viable monster cloning/fertility enhancement methods for him which lead to Sans and Red being born. His inviting Web to work with determination led to the creation of the Machine.

Gerson - The substitute parent. His main role in the story is as a family friend of Undyne’s and in the end, her new parental figure. She resents him and he takes care of her. He cannot replace what she’s lost, but he tries to provide her a future. A hard role to fill in a child’s life.

Grillby - The old friend. Grillby plays are far more subtle part. He’s survived a broken Soulbond, he’s friends with Sans, and through every up-and-down, he’s remained open to Sans when he comes back around. Sometimes as children we form friendships with adults that are just as strong as those we form with our peers. This is true for Sans.

There are a few more characters that show up mostly for color and world building but don’t play a significant part in pushing the themes of the story.

CONCLUSION

Would I do this again? Yes. I am planning on continuing the 100 word trend in the Pre-Sequel This Way Up. It may be truer to the spirit of drabbles since we will have a lot more ground to cover since it will be telling Sans’ history. We’ll get to learn more about Gaster, Webdings, the Dreemurs, Grillby and the Fallen Humans. And for those of you who want to know more about the HwC boys as they are? Moving Day will fill in the blanks. And I also promised a sequel. Bubblewrap Blues will take place significantly in the future and center around a certain aptly named skeleton and the edgy boy that likes to get coffee in his cafe.

I’m pleased with how the story turned out.

I never expected the reaction and the feedback. To those of you who commented and kudosed. Thank you. And to those who quite literally followed me from the start, reading and commenting near every day if not every day? You’re extra amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much.

#Handle with care #Undertale #fanfic #post mortem #kustard #textpost #babybones #daily drabble #100 word drabbles #personal challenge #finished #finished fanfic

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