#This is the best development any prisoners is going to get its only getting worse from here

[gamingblur103s]

my thoughts on neo the world ends with you

long but probably not very good to read. spoilers and allat

i have to admit that i have a knee-jerk resentment towards a lot of the twewy franchise outside of the original game. every port and remake and reimagining of the original is simply worse off because something fundamental about what made the original experience so fantastic is removed. granted, this is often out of necessity for it no longer being a DS game, and from a business perspective, something like the anime adaptation only makes sense when a sequel is coming out practically immediately after the anime ends. still, in regards to these rereleases, i can easily see them as things that only add to the franchise rather than remove from them. the mobile port, despite screwing with the art style and the gameplay, added new music that is on par with the original game's score. the anime adaptation, despite its truncation, occasional mischaracterization, and format the story was not made for, looks pretty great and is still fun enough to be an effective recap, which was its precise purpose. it is much harder to say the same for final remix.

final remix is a port of a port; it maintains the streamlined and exponentially less engaging gameplay of the mobile version. granted, it comes with new pins which work well enough with this new base, but that doesn't change the problems i have with these fundamentals. to make up for that (as well as bridge the gap between it and neo), final remix comes with "a new day": a continuation of the story that is necessary to experience in order to understand neo.

to be blunt, a new day is where my previously mentioned resentment began. the story it tries to tell is so emphatic on its mystery that it foregoes any actual depth. as something that is expressly being tacked onto the original story rather than its own entity, its poor quality leads to directly detracting from that story.

the reaper's game (for og twewy at least) was meant to act as a symbolic prison for neku that colored every bit of his progress. yes, his character development is fairly blatant, but if anything, it benefits from that. the framing of the reaper's game actually makes the arc more grounded in how arduous it is, in how it was so much longer than neku could have ever expected, in how it hurt in all the ways he was scared it would.

it's all perfectly embodied by the fact neku is still wearing his headphones when the original game ends on the sublime emotional note of him taking them off. it's careless storytelling, to such an extent that it colors everything that came before it as the last canonical events we get to see, made all the worse by how it (and consequently, the game) ends with Neku dying. again. the only thing that keeps me from being completely outraged at the comical disregard of his arc is that it at least doesn't take away his emotional development.

there's also the iffy characterization overall, once again to serve a mystery the plot cannot afford to answer the larger reaching implications of. mind you, there's nothing outright OFFENSIVE about its portrayals (i actually think fake joshua is the best example of characterization in the whole thing; it's fun to show what a character is by what they aren't), but it's all just so vapid. forgive me for being smarmy enough to use an antimetabole, but when you go through a whole-ass video game that has its plot function in service to its characters, playing such a blatant sequel-bait that has its characters serving the IDEA of a plot feels like a disservice to those characters. if there's a connection to be felt, it's not indicated or made stronger by what happens here; it's all for the sake of hype.

i'm rambling, but hopefully that embodies my emotions going into neo comprehensively enough. i couldn't help but see a new day as utterly counterintuitive, and as a result, i had my typical territorial nature for my favorite things cranked up to twelve. i couldn't even fully trust the original staff with this game. for a while, i couldn't shake the feeling that the franchise of twewy outside the original game tarnished my experience with it. i did everything i could to convince myself to go full "death of the author": everything that isn't the original game simply isn't canon. but that didn't feel right to me, so i still kept this deep curiosity in me. then, about two and a half years after its release, i started up neo and spent my winter break exclusively on playing it through to the end (college made it so if i didn't finish it then, i'd have to wait till the summer).

this FINALLY leads me to my thoughts on the game this post is supposed to be about.

in a word, neo feels derivative. mind you, that's by no means the full story. for certain aspects, that description is either deeply unfair or outright untrue; for others, it's frankly generous. holistically, however, it feels like a continuation of what twewy had to offer, when it could've been an evolution. this by itself would make it worse than the original, but then there are times where it can't even accomplish that much.

on that note: the presentation.

og twewy didn't just have a fantastic style, but phenomenal direction. it was a multi-pronged refutation of the idea of "style over substance". the pause menu alone is so informative, yet so digestible because of its adherence to the game's style, what with its inspired choice of music and cute lil thumbnails for all the menus you can navigate to from there. there's also accounting for what players will most often check the menu for and an effort to make such features particularly accessible. the shining examples of this are dedicating nearly all of the top screen to the map and the fact that all the combat options aside from the pins (your level, partner behavior, game difficulty) are available on that screen, rather than hidden in another menu. hell, credit where it's due, the rereleases' version of this menu are all just as good; the attempt to depixelize the visuals makes it look a little too much like a gacha game for my liking, but absolutely nothing about it was changed in such a way that it becomes harder to navigate

in general, i think ui/ux design is way more important in games than it's given credit for, though that's undoubtedly changed in recent times. it's always been listed as a separate career from other graphic design jobs, and rightfully so, but for games especially, it can't be stressed enough how much they make or break a game's flow and "vibe". fact of the matter is, a significant chunk of a player's time is going to be spent in menus no matter what. i'm sure there's exceptions to this, but all i can think of is very primitive examples like pong which obviously don't apply to what i mean. as a result, making those menus feel fun and/or natural to use elevates the entire experience in ways even the most diligent game developers might not realize. an article from gamesradar has a translated quote from persona 5 director katsura hashino which really emboldened my feelings on the topic

"In Japan, UI design is often handled by new employees. ... Top level designers are usually in charge of characters and background graphics, with the UI being secondary. I think that’s a mistake. That’s why Atlus' UI designers are paid so well."

(side note: as great as the menus in p3r mostly are, the change for the in-battle menu from the revolver chamber is criminal. i know they still kinda have it, but i still prefer what the original did)

with all that said: neo twewy has three pause menus.

the first menu, which i will call the main menu, is where most of the options that relate to gameplay are. your current objective, social network (no jesse eisenberg in sight), equipment, map, and collectible progress. each of those five things i mentioned are their own menu within this menu, except for equipment which is actually two menus in threads and pins (to be fair, just like twewy).

the second menu, which i’ll call the pause menu, has all the shit that give off system setting vibes. saving, loading, going to the title screen, volume control, subtitles (always yes), voice track (we’ll get to that), the works. worth noting that this menu has absolutely no style to it. it is laughably barebones. sauceless, if you will.

the third menu, which i’ll call the combat menu, has all the combat options twewy had at the bottom of its main menu. this menu is also pretty lacking in sauce, though i suppose there’s only so much that could be done without it feeling obtrusive.

an insane person would argue this is a good translation of the immediate access in twewy’s ui. this division means less navigation is needed for certain option and it makes clutter a non-issue (in theory). while i’m sure this is true for some, for me, it became a consistent headache which would often undermine what i think are its design goals. the main menu’s subdivisions are a good example, but i actually didn’t have too much of a problem with it since switching between the menus was fairly snappy. the pin menu, however, was COMICALLY clunky. it becomes far too difficult to navigate your list as soon as week 2 starts. neo is a home console game, so there is zero need for a single pin to take up THAT much space on the screen, especially when that same pin at a different level of progress is listed separately, effectively doubling the amount of shit you have to sift through. the attempts at giving me shortcuts and filters ended up only confusing me. by the end, i resorted to exclusively consulting the full list every time, because even if it was tedious as all hell, at least i understood it and could eventually memorize the positions of things.

granted, it’s not all bad. you can actually access the combat menu while you’re in the main menu, so you can experiment with your level and view the drop rates in the noisepedia simultaneously. this version of the map, while it takes extra steps to access, also has features twewy’s map did not, namely the ability to see the kinds of noises that spawn in an area. you can even zoom in and out! for some reason!

these undeniable improvements are not only things twewy did not have, but in some cases (i.e. the map's new features) couldn’t have. however, it’s still missing the forest for the trees; the fundamental flow is still so disjointed that these features feel like a bandage on a tumor. i fully concede this next complaint is at least partially on me, but i cannot tell you the number of times i pressed the button for the wrong menu. because each menu has important shit that i need frequent access to, my muscle memory for the “i need menu things” neurons are always confused. if i’m not wasting time by going to the wrong menu, i’m wasting time by hesitating on pressing any button in case i’m wrong.

i’m being cruel here to an extent, and i acknowledge that. in isolation, these problems aren’t even a fraction as damning as i make them out to be, but when it’s something repeatedly experienced throughout the entire game, i cannot ignore how i dread having to interact with these menus and how they color my experience. granted, you could argue these complaints refute my thesis statement on neo being derivative. it may have failed, but is this not neo trying something new? to that, i would make the distinction that this is not a case of neo evolving, but rather, simply adapting.

allow me to branch back out to the more general subject of the game’s presentation.

i am by absolutely no means going to be calling the presentation of neo bad. that might be shocking to hear after me going so hard on the ui of all things, but i'm not an idiot. the soundtrack is a delight ("the beginning of a happy life" is genuinely, no bullshit, honest to god one of my favorite vg songs i have ever heard), the visuals are never any worse than ok (fret's design is by FAR my favorite, but i also liked shoka, rindo (mainly just his mask continuing the theme of neku's "hear no evil" with "speak no evil"), and susukichi), and when the two combine, it consistently achieves a familiar vibe throughout.

VERY familiar.

again, the presentation of neo is not bad. i would go so far as to call it good overall. but i genuinely struggle to think of any way it substantially iterates on what twewy has to offer. from where i'm standing, it feels like a complete copy-paste (with one exception that i swear i will get to soon cuz this is now like my third time alluding to it).

it's a bit of a mainstream example, but when you look at something like final fantasy, there's a clear throughline in the presentation of pretty much the entire series. even at its most vibrant and cutesy, there's this particular breed of gothic or sci-fi or—and i truly do not mean this disparagingly—edgy you can feel in the foundation of a final fantasy game. conversely, even at its darkest, final fantasy has its own brand of whimsy and bombast in chocobos or summons or the bajillion leitmotifs throughout the franchise. through it all, final fantasy has maintained a strong fundamental identity, but has managed to express it in a myriad of ways that, rather than dilute said identity, only bolster and refine its spirit.

i use final fantasy specifically because of its similarities to twewy. granted, these similarities are largely surface-level, but that's also kinda my point. final fantasy as a franchise achieves the variety it does through acknowledging what is fundamental to it and innovating off of that. by contrast, twewy (the franchise, not the game) is afraid to change its spirit and seeks purely to preserve it. because of that, the only way you could really differentiate twewy (the game, not the franchise) and neo at a glance is because of the hardware they are on. acquiescing to the merciless march of time, rather than embracing it.

that's why i still think my complaints about the ui ultimately fall back on the critiques of neo being derivative. while the problems with the ui in isolation seem like the developers trying something new, when you look at neo holistically, it is so clearly just an attempt at merely adapting, and sometimes it feels like neo fails even on that level. it isn't even innovation by necessity; every change feels like a sacrifice more than anything.

and on that note: gameplay.

i would say i generally enjoyed playing neo. the overworld exploration is very bog-standard, but i still appreciate it. remind is cute (it and telewarp's mechanics are obviously scripted but successfully "feel" cool to use) and dive fights are cool. i didn't mind the lack of fast travel, and in fact ADORED beat's soundsurf. having it add to your groove makes so much sense it hurts, and i love what it does to the music. but all of this is kinda window dressing when compared to the combat.

i'm sure my utter obsession with rpg (especially traditional rpg) gameplay aids my love of neo's combat, but i think most people can appreciate the gameplay loop. assigning party members to specific buttons is an undeniably fun concept. the hyper-customization of the combat is also something to be admired (to an extent); i'm sure i'm not particularly special for this, but i adore any opportunity to play a game "my way". the pin list is a teensy bit bloated with repeated ideas but with a higher number and/or different and somewhat arbitrary "element", but i sincerely love it overall. with how diverse the ideas are, there's a shocking few that i would consider objectively worse than the others. for example, the strength of the game's combo system "groove" means that a pin having a lower power doesn't actually make it necessarily worse, since less damage per attack allows for longer combos, which allows for more liberal and consistent use of the special moves unlocked by reaching the 100%, 200%, and 300% thresholds. inversely, as a compulsive grinder, the game's progression felt fairly natural even when i was pretty blatantly overprepared. fights are incredibly busy, and the boss fights especially are designed so that a single mistake can become a slippery slope of punishment. i died fairly frequently, particularly from getting too big for my britches and taking on a reduction chain i just couldn't handle. thus, fights never felt thoughtless the whole way through, which i was frankly REALLY impressed by.

i would accredit each of these compliments (or a stronger version of them) to twewy (to the point where i'm strongly tempted to derail this whole thing into how much i fucking love twewy's gameplay), but to its credit, neo does take different ways to get there in a lot of cases. to be doubly fair, though, as i've previously stated, these different approaches feel like they needed to happen rather than resulting from a distinct and passionate vision. to be TRIPLY fair, though, what's here has so much polish and depth that there was clearly some kind of passion present. my mind made a strong connection to kingdom hearts; i am not a big kh fan, so that is either indicative of just how similar neo and kh are (that someone like me could point it out) or how ignorant i am to action rpgs (accusing neo of being similar when it's really not). i'm open to either option.

the hyper-customization also feels like a double-edged sword, in that there is virtually no difference in how each of the six party members play. making your party members distinct from a gameplay perspective is INCREDIBLY important, because it's such an effective tool of storytelling. for better or worse, how a character performs during gameplay will directly influence how a player will view that character holistically. if, either by pure luck or bad game design, a character underperforms, a player is inclined to view that character less fondly. while neo's method of little if any distinction seemingly circumvents this slight dice roll, it closes off a unique opportunity entirely and settles for something that feels a little bland. mind you, this doesn't change anything about what i liked about the game's customization and customization as a whole. i do believe, generally, that the more customization the better, but that can't be an excuse to homogenize the party members.

none of how the game handles levelling up and stats really helps this. yes, characters will have different tastes in terms of food (leading to potential bonuses on top of the stat increases that food already does), and some clothes will have secondary benefits exclusive to certain party members, but it's not nearly enough.

i'm tempted to say that the solution to this would be to find a better balance, and that is still true on a fundamental level, but i also don't think making party members distinct and customization are mutually exclusive, or even necessarily things that mitigate the capacity for the other. if you want to go as extreme as what neo attempts, then yes, a focus on customization will undermine uniqueness, but there's also ways to let them heighten the other. in twewy's case, the dynamism of neku's gameplay vs the static "gimmicks" of his partners spoke not only to the personalities of each character individually, but also of neku's relationship with those partners and with people as a whole. more contemporary and popular examples of this would be pokemon (especially nowadays with nature mints and streamlined ev training) and persona (especially 5 royal).

the latter of the examples i bring up is an interesting one to me: taking advantage of a protagonist who is a canonical blank-slate (not to say joker or any persona protag from 3 onward has no personality, just that they are wild cards) to let them fit whatever mold the player wants. it's a big indicator of what i mean when i say that customization and uniqueness can coexist, because in this case, they're two almost completely separate spheres that manage to function without overpowering the other. when they DO interact, such as with the intended evolution of the mc's personas or the customization allowed for non-mc party members, it only enhances what it touches.

i should stress, despite these critiques, that i think neo's gameplay is good. i had fun with it. there are aspects of it, such as its pin selection, that i found memorably impressive. but i want to stress why i stick so strongly by my thesis—that neo is derivative—even for its best aspects.

and on that note: the story.

let's get the big thing i've been alluding to out of the way: i ADORE neo's localization. i really, truly, sincerely think there wasn't a single time in the entire game where i felt some piece of dialogue was awkward, and that is not only a compliment for the localizers, but for the writers as well. don't get me wrong, i could sometimes notice that things were localized, but that realization never jarred me. rather, it made me that much more confident about what that piece of dialogue could tell me about the character saying it, the situation they're in, and/or their relationship(s) to whom they're talking to.

i won't act like it's absolutely perfect, of course. however, my complaints come from failures to achieve the goal of localization, rather than with the innate nature of the practice. for example, probably my biggest hang-up on it is that it undersells a lot of the sentiment when shiki and neku finally reunite, though the voice acting is partly responsible for that (likely moreso the voice direction rather than the actors themselves, but i can't say for sure).

back on the positives, i do find the english voice acting pretty good. miranda parkin as nagi is my personal highlight; her performance reminds me a LOT of erica lindbeck's futaba sakura, and you should absolutely look into her work on her youtube channel "ParkinArt" when you get the chance, because she is superbly talented. shoutouts also go to xander mobus as kubo (i struggle to think of a sleazier voice) and pretty much every returning va.

in general, i am pretty massively defensive of localization and localizers; whole lotta people who don't know shit spouting, well, shit. to be fair, i'm not much better, but at least i'm on the side of the people who do this shit for a living. and i'm also on the side which appreciates those people for the work they do, because i can't help but feel like it's really fuckin hard. you're not just translating the literal words, but finding ways to synthesize it to maintain the SPIRIT. This short video by "Jehtt" about the opening line of Sonic Adventure is an excellent example of what I'm talking about.

as for the content getting localized itself, final remix (and specifically a new day) made it clear that whatever sequel comes out, it's going to be some kind of direct continuation of what's been established, rather than a self-contained story in the same universe or something along those lines. personally, i would've preferred the latter if a twewy sequel HAD to exist, and to its credit, my favorite things about neo twewy's story tend to be the things which THEORETICALLY make it stand on its own. obviously, your enjoyment is enhanced if you play the first game, but there's enough in neo to make it possible for someone who doesn't to still understand it.

for example, new characters are fun, even if occasionally half-baked. i'll get the riff-raff out of the way: the shinjuku reapers felt like goofy personifications of gimmicks that served their purposes well enough, coco is a bit less annoying this time, tsumugi is hilariously half-baked after being hyped up as much as she was, hazuki... exists, and i struggled to see any of the other team leaders as more than an impetus for other characters (though i am DEEPLY grateful kanon isn't as bad as she could've been). speaking of which, how about those characters?

my favorites were nagi and fret; i see their concepts as a bit tropey, but executed well all the same. the ways their arcs intertwine were surprisingly compelling; nagi's dislike of fret wasn't just a weird gag, but an inevitability of fret's compulsion to put up a front and nagi's keen perception and hatred of "fake" people. once nagi learns why fret puts up this act as he makes an effort to move past that instinct, they start bonding almost immediately as she tells him more about her inner workings and that she'll take care not to be so judgmental thanks to his influence. the reveal that she got fret on elegant strategy after the events of the game made me smile way more than the game trying to get me to like rindo and shoka as a couple ever did.

on that note, i could take or leave rindo as a protagonist, and in general, my interest in the shinjuku reapers (especially shoka) waned as they became more significant. that's not BECAUSE of their significance, mind you, simply that they ended up disappointing me in one way or the other (with the possible exception of kaie who was just kind of a silly little guy). it comes back, yet again, to my thesis on this game failing to meaningfully iterate. i understand and agree that there's a lot of value in establishing parallels between characters, even if the plots of their stories are disconnected. i would go so far as to say it's ideal to make a sequel expand on the subtext of what's been established like that, as long as it and what's new bolster each other. in the case of rindo, i struggle to appreciate things about him that aren’t some extension of neku when he was a protagonist. i found his arc about making his own decisions sudden and a bit inexplicable, especially with how blatantly it was stated. felt like a case of saying a character was having a specific arc without actually giving them that arc.

as for shoka, i do like her more than rindo. in fact, it’s her relationship with him that made me lose interest; it felt like all the things that endeared me to her, like her relationships with the other shinjuku reapers and her brand of snark, got pushed to the side in favor of said relationship. it dominated everything else about her character in a way it felt like it just didn’t with rindo. granted, this could just be because he’s the protagonist, and her “snark” is a surface level reason to like her. however, i don’t find that first concession to be an adequate excuse, and it was precisely her personality that got me interested in the character to begin with, only for it to feel discarded (albeit probably not completely, i’m sure there’s a cute lil moment or two i’m forgetting). considering shoka’s love of gatto nero and shiki’s presence in the game, i imagine the parallels between the two have to be somewhat intentional, including with their relationships to their respective mc. like with rindo, these parallels make it hard for me to appreciate the character, but unlike rindo, shoka’s parallels seem to actively oust the things unique to her, as opposed to rindo’s leaving little opportunity for appreciable distinction to begin with. again, i ultimately prefer shoka, as tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

that just leaves the three elephants in the room/party: all of them are returning characters. two of them are characters you played as in twewy.

i do want to make it clear that even at my most territorial, i don't think i was ever completely against the idea of there being returning characters; if anything, my ideal twewy sequel would actually feature characters like joshua or hanekoma more prevalently than they were here. rather, much like most things, it comes down to how you implement them, and neo does so in a way that pretty blatantly relies on them. even that isn’t a necessarily a bad thing, but remember what i said about this story attempting to stand on its own?

what shocks me about their sheer prevalence is that very little of it feels necessary. i don’t get the feeling that any of the og gang were needed to make this story work on a thematic level (as happy as a lot of their scenes together made me), and in fact, as i alluded to with rindo and shoka, it actually seems to impede or dampen a lot of what the game is trying to go for. i see it as perhaps the single most blatant example of my thesis statement. neo plays with the concept of a self-contained story, but is unable to let go of what's already there, innovate enough on the franchise and original game’s core, and pull through with something standalone, because it seems generally unwilling to embrace change, and consequently, key aspects of creativity and what makes a good sequel. i understand if others don’t share this opinion, but to me, it really feels like neo only changes when it has to, and that reflects in the changes it makes as well as the ones it doesn't.

and on that note: the conclusion.

sorry this feels so disparate. i definitely wouldn't call neo a bad game, and in fact, i think given some time, i can comfortably call it good. plus, i can, after some difficulty and deliberation, say it and even final remix's existence only add to og twewy. impulsive territorialism be damned, it makes me happy to see stories and characters i love be added on to like this. the aspects i consider bad, even if they might be fundamental, are not enough for me to avoid embracing and appreciating the good. my silly little headcanons are not “threatened” by things like final remix, even if it felt like they would be in the moment. it is still possible to imagine all my favorite characters living happily ever after with each other, even that cunt with the mop for hair joshua, and if anything, certain scenes in neo only add to those delusions. i may have complained about them, and i do stand by those complaints, but i cannot deny how much i love them in isolation. i think the only thing that could've made me hate them is mischaracterization, but the only instance of that which stuck out to me (neku and shiki reuniting) seems to be a translation issue, and the real sentiment of the scene aligns far more strongly with my views of the characters.

that said, i'm still definitely disappointed by it all. neo's derivative spirit felt very pervasive to me the whole way through, and by the end, i felt a strong urge to replay twewy. that's not a necessarily bad instinct to have after playing a sequel, because it's the idea of "wanting more". it is, however, bad in this case, because it was a mix of that and the idea of "wanting better". i wanted to play something where these good ideas were new, or better yet, something where the new ideas were good. as it stands, i'm left the slightest bit hollow; just enough to be noteworthy, but i still feel like a dick for bringing it up.

i'm happy i played this game. i may very well play it again in the future. there's aspects of it i like to the point of loving. and yet, i hesitate to say i like it.

my feelings on this game continue to be jumbled, even after all this. still, writing a lot of it out definitely helped, and it was really fun to make! thank you oh so very much for reading; i hope you enjoyed it!

oh, and i would rather rip my dick off than play scramble slam again-

[vilevexedvixen]

AU Jervis Tetch

Me and @dariusblake have discussed how we'd write our own Batman / DC TV or comic series and each individual character that would appear in it. Tetch being among them. At his core, Tetch is someone deeply reluctant to stay in the real world and would first seek to create his own sanctuary (his Wonderland) like a Hikikomori before even considering developing a mind control device. Which would be later on, when he feels it's the only real way to feel in control of his life which - up to that point - slowly fell to pieces. He'd be one of the earliest antagonists sent to Arkham while it's still a respected institution genuinely there to help mentally ill and vulnerable people get back on their feet, before Arkham (under Strange's management) is effectively turned into a prison for super-criminals.

I'm also of the mind that Tetch would look very average, not a pretty boy or a decrepit leprechaun. Maybe on the shorter side and seeming shorter by the way he haunches both to make himself smaller and because he himself feels small with his cripplingly low self esteem after years of being put down and treated like he didn't belong. Creating Wonderland as a place where he does finally belong, though still feeling stuck behind the looking glass unable to reach through it for company. Isolated in his escapist safe haven.

Like in the animated series, Tetch would work in tech with a grant from the Wayne foundation, but not on a project to "enhance the brain's potential". Instead to make the neural / Brain-computer interface (BCI) of a more cost-effective mind-controlled prosthesis. Something which would go on to be used in Gotham's main hospital for patients with amputations and limb-paralysis. The focus being on stimulating motor function and sensory input. At home he'd try to translate that same BCI for simulating sensation and motion (like lucid dreaming, disconnecting is like awaking in the midst of REM sleep) in a virtual landscape (basically an especially immersive VR software akin to Sword Art Online's nerve gear) dubbed "WonderOS" and his pet project running on it called "Wonderland".

Less a direct recreation of Wonderland from Lewis Carol's novels and more his personal sandbox to tweak and enjoy in his own time. Although its only user, Tetch put meticulous detail into his avatar that no one would likely see. Standing tall and proud with a top hat and bow tie. His smile charming, rather than unnerving. He'd always manage to overdress no matter the occasion in real life, so it felt fitting to extend that habit here too. With so little going on in his life outside of his job, what started as a fun side-project soon encompassed all of his free time. Progressively losing his interoception the more he becomes engrossed in his pet-project. Easily losing track of time to the point of forgetting to sleep, eat or drink, or would fall asleep in the sandbox and be disorientated whenever he'd wake still wearing the headset.

Still, he'd always disconnect eventually. Each time hit like a worse hangover than the last. His shortening time spent in the real world only existing to fuel himself for a longer expedition into his expanding digital world. That is until he'd exhausted all its mechanics and NPC interactions. By now, adding more felt hollow. He'd know exactly what they'd say anyway so why bother? The comforting predictability of the oasis he'd constructed started showing its cracks, or rather it could no longer obscure what cracks had been there all this time. The loneliness... the isolation. When was the last time he spoke to a real person, even at work?

Frankly it was always hard to know what to talk about. He'd tried pitching Wonder OS at work before, garnering minimal interest at best. Like most of his ideas. It always seemed like any attempt to make conversation ended abruptly with no explanation. Who would want to spend time with him in the virtual world if people never wanted to do so in the real one? No, if he wanted to add more player characters he'd have to reach out a different way.

For all his difficulties making friends in the real world, Tetch accrued a fair few online. He'd originally used the forums to post tech support tips, gush about his favourite books, and provide updates about Wonder OS' development to mixed reception. Some genuine interest arose, so when the time came to test Wonderland's "multiplayer mode" there were already a handful of people eager to test it within an hour of the announcement's upload. He'd had about ten additional headsets he'd built for multiplayer mode ready to post and was willing to make more but for now he happily sent out the initial batch. Specially made to not include the admin privilege of being able to log off. He would get to dictate if or when they leave and, well, he cannot guarantee they'll be back so it's best not to give them the option.

Tetch's performance at work may have been deteriorating before, but now his complete absence was noticed enough to garner a pink slip. One which never arrived. While Tetch's absence may have been more an annoyance to his colleagues that hadn't yet realised how much they leaned on him to get things done until now, the people he'd roped into being his captive audience were missed far sooner. Although they were found soon after their missing person cases were opened (being stuck at home), it only raised more questions. When someone tried yanking off one of their headsets, they were in a catatonic state - still partially in Wonderland.

The escalation from a missing persons case to some sort of hostage situation lead to the cases being grouped together and them entering Batman's radar. A common link was a. the headsets and b. the return address - which directly led back to Tetch. Most of the users hadn't recycled the packaging of their hardware before putting it on, making it easy to find. It's a good thing too, since no one (not even Tetch, who is the only one actually able to leave) has left Wonderland for a full week by the time Batman's on his trail. Too much longer and they'd keel over from neglecting to eat or drink.

Expecting a fight and some nefarious hostage scheme (as with the mob bosses he's faced thus far), Batman is shocked to find not a mastermind controlling a flurry of monitors, but someone rigged to their headset just like the other hostages. His apartment was in a shoddy state. Cables strewn about the floor haphazardly like mangrove roots in a swamp, the air stale and warm from days worth of heat emanating from the hardware that dominated the room he was found in. Curtains shut and dusty, untouched for what must have been months. Among the cables were tubes, an IV drip? Did Tetch plan ahead to make sure he could survive indefinitely rigged up to whatever he'd made?

After inspecting the computer the headset was connected to, Batman forcefully overrides Tetch's admin privileges and logs the hostages off. That alone seemed to stir something, like Tetch was in the midst of a night terror, which grew into a full-blown, panicked breakdown when Batman pulled his headset off. Shaking like a leaf, hands clasping his head as he sank from his chair to the floor. Honestly Batman doesn't really know what to do. Up until now he'd cracked down on Gotham's crime families who all put up a fierce fight, but this... is different. Still, it seems best to bring him in, if only to get him out of this dingy apartment and figure out where to go from there.

The GCPD aren't sure how to prosecute him. Would what he did be legally considered kidnapping? Or any other crime? He's kept in a holding cell while they fumble for a specific crime to charge him with. With nothing landing, he's instead sent to be a long-stay patient at Arkham (which at this point is a genuine respected psychiatric hospital for regular civilian patients) for both evaluation and therapy. They confiscated the hardware he'd used to run Wonder OS and sent it in for analysis, though couldn't make heads nor tails of a lot of his work.

Honestly being "sentenced" to free therapy really wasn't much of a punishment at all! Still took some time to adjust to the cold white brick walls, overly sanitised surroundings and the inescapable brightness both natural and not that did his head no favours. Haven't they heard of curtains? Until therapy he hadn't realised how infrequently he spoke out loud, stammering with nerves and the unfamiliarity of it. Like his mouth had forgotten what to do. Despite it all he was grateful for the company each session brought, even if it was for a prescribed purpose. Each chat feeling more sincere than any he'd had in years, to the point that his heart sank a little as each session came to a close. He hadn't really drank tea before coming here. Coffee, especially on days he'd forgotten to really sleep working all night on Wonder OS, was his go to, but a switch might be in order. Been a while since he last felt this calm. Calm enough that even his stammer was beginning to fade with the help of some speech therapy alongside his normal sessions.

The tea and kind words warming him to the idea that maybe the world isn't so scary and that he might even have a place in it. After a year or so of progress, the staff agreed to release him on probation. Pretty difficult to build a social support network while cooped up in an asylum, so they thought it best to give Tetch the opportunity to go out and meet new people. With no real support network to go back to, he'd really be starting from scratch like a tourist. Not the safest idea in Gotham, so they pointed him towards a few clubs and support groups first as a good starting point.

Of course, he went with the book club. Barely saying a word for the first few meetings, what confidence he was emboldened with upon release was slightly dampened by the reality of actually having to put himself out there. Truth be told, a few of the club's members recognised Tetch from his "Wonderland" incident a year ago and those that did make a concerted effort not to sit next to him, not that he was especially keen to initiate conversation either. That was until the week's topic turned to Alice in Wonderland, at the suggestion of one such clued-in member. As they'd suspected, Tetch perked right up, brimming with energy to discuss it!

The sudden shift in gears was pretty jarring, but one that people warmed up to. Though he'd still mainly talk about the story and occasionally let slip about aspects of his passion project (not realising it made more people clock where they'd heard of him from), it opened the door for more general conversation. His excited friendliness still on the jittery side, one of the members felt a little bad about how clearly anxious he was and offered to help him feel more welcome.

Giving advice on what helped him, including teaching Tetch how to microdose, which they preferred to take by brewing magic mushrooms into tea. And it helped! Becoming part of Tetch's morning routine, it's the closest he's felt to being himself back in Wonderland since well... you know. Tetch responded well to therapy, making remarkable progress even without medication, so his therapists though it best not to prescribe anything since it wasn't strictly necessary. The difference self-medicating made had Tetch second-guessing their judgement though.

After a few months of settling in, for once Tetch is invited to a social gathering outside of the book club to their annual Christmas do. In his youth as an apprentice lab tech at Wayne Enterprises he hadn't really gone out before. Most alcohol tasted vile to him unless it was disguised by more pleasant things like in a cocktail, not to mention how hard it hit him after barely a few sips felt as unpleasant as it tasted. Even so, he felt in no position to be picky about where they went that night given how flattered his was that they thought to invite him at all!

Most of the bars were fine, but a bit too loud and crowded for his liking. He may be able to cope with people better now he's started having his morning "tea", but it was still a bit overwhelming. That was until they reached one of Gotham's Goth bars. How rare it was for him to finally not feel overdressed! Amidst the buckles and leather waistcoats, lace and striking makeup he, weirdly, fit right in despite his attire being far more colourful than the bar's usual clientele. By the night's end he'd gravitated away from the group he'd come with, making his own fun with new people for the first time in forever. People he'd come to know as friends as he truly started re-building his life better than it was before!

Since his old workplace fired him before Batman linked him with the missing persons and found him, and Arkham's vouching for him didn't get Tetch his job back (especially since they weren't too happy tetch had adapted their BCI for recreational use), Tetch was out of work. That was until Grant Walker reached out, wanting to adapt Tetch's Wonderland to create a virtual theme park and to improve the IRL parks' AR and immersive elements (think the Xbox connect Disneyland game, but actually functional). An opportunity Tetch couldn't pass up, given he'd been struggling to find work since leaving Arkham and was entering an increasingly precarious financial situation.

Since Tetch adapted Wayne Enterprise's BCI they'd help develop into the hardware running Wonder OS, there was some dispute about whether or not his project would be entirely his own IP or if the resources he technically stole to make it could get him in legal trouble. "Fortunately" Walker offered to protect Tetch from any such case, in exchange for Tetch granting Walker the right to use, market and profit from the virtual he'd created Wonderland - which he agreed to. As successful as Walker's ventures so often were, the opportunity to experiment with park ideas without the expense of land or labour seemed too tantilising to pass-up. Not to mention it could be another venue of advertising his existing IPs to people who otherwise couldn't afford to go to the parks themselves.

Initially, the public reception to announcing Wonderland's debut was... mixed. Reviews from playtesters were glowing, and Walker had his team refine the multiplayer headsets Tetch had prototyped into something that could be made and distributed much more cheaply. Still, trust in Tetch's handiwork was minimal at best after what he did, how could they trust he wouldn't just use it to trap more people again? A green tick of approval from an asylum wouldn't be enough to convince people Tetch was sane. Eventually though, a mix of relentless promotion and sanitisation of Tetch's past got Walker the results he wanted and a steady player base grew.

Honestly, Tetch had tried deliberately to avoid going back into Wonderland or doing any work on his old pet project while he was still getting back on his feet. Especially because until he had a reason to return to the real world, he probably never would have. Oh the temptation, especially early on, was gnawing at him as the dread and self-doubt lingered despite all the progress he'd made in therapy. Returning to it now seems... strange. Like staring at an old picture of himself, so detached from how he felt at the time he'd made it. But he needed the money, and was a different person now, right?

By his therapists' orders, Tetch limits his screen-time only to a few hours a day and goes on a walk / runs errands outside for at least an hour every day, to better facilitate chances of meeting new people and to prevent another spiral into self-isolation. The people he used to chat with online, his old "friends" of sorts, weren't exactly keen to keep talking to him anyway after nearly dying of dehydration in his digital cage, so he didn't have much reason to go back online anyway. That is except for one person, though Tetch hadn't realised it. Too busy making a new life out in the world, to notice the hundreds of messages spamming his inbox on every conceivable chatroom he used to frequent.

"Cat" / Caterina Bressi, one of the Bressi mob family that mostly deals in drugs and information, has helped with her family's dealings modernise by data farming and hacking into police devices and those of other mobsters either for blackmail or to sell to other people in Gotham's underworld who need the info for their own schemes. She is bed-bound due to a mix of chronic illnesses that leave her with little strength and energy to do anything, which is partly why she was on the same forums of Tetch and why they related to each other in their isolation. Cat's skills in coding are the only thing keeping her family from seeing her as anything but a liability and she resents being whittled down to her unappreciated usefulness - again, like Tetch was in the lab. She was one of the people who was sent a prototype headset and actually loved every minute in Wonderland and desperately wished to go back once she was "rescued" from it.

She eventually get's back in contact with Tetch and convinces him to restore the old version of Wonderland (not the polished, commercial form it now was under Walker). .Partly out of sympathy and partly due to some difficulties adjusting to his newly formed social life and existance out in public, Tetch is grateful to still have a friend he relates to in ways he can't with his new, more "well-adjusted" friends and ends up spending more and more time with Cat. .Overtime, their friendship morphs into an unhealthy dependancy (moreso Cat depending on Tetch than the other way around) as she begins to isolate him from his newer friend groups.

Eventually, to get away from her responsibilities to her family she insists Tetch use his lab experience with nerve-based prosthetics to help her move again. Both to get away from her family and so they do not narrow her self-worth down to how useful she is to them. Tetch insists she is fine as she is and he can help her without changing her in that way, but eventually caves and makes what would become the basis of this AU's version of the mind control device. Not actually mind-control, but instead stimulating controlled movement of the body similar to how some existing peripheral nerve interfaces work Although the main controls were designed so Cat / the person being moved is the one controlling the motion, it can in theory be connected to another person (have a remote control centre on someone else, as a backup of sorts).

Once completed, Cat begins to tag along with Tetch everywhere he went so she wouldn't be alone even for a minute. Which became an issue when he had to go to work, since Walker was worried about leaks of any new content his team might work on if someone like Cat tagged along with Tetch to work. When Tetch tries to enforce reasonable boundaries and see his newer friends more like before Cat came back into his life (offering to help her make more friends of her own / introduce him to his other friends) she refused and doubled down in her attempts to control his day to day activities.

Defying his therapist's orders, wanting to relive how their old friendship was, she encouraged him to work more on the old WonderOS and give her access to it so she could help him with it too and spend more time in Wonderland again.

Without Tetch's knowledge, Cat steals Tetch's old lab notes and changes the old WonderOS code to be compatible with her peripheral nerve interface's control centre - basically wanting to see if she can fully immerse herself like a ghost in the machine and fully escape her real life. Once Tetch finds out, right before she's about to upload herself, he tries to stop her - worried it might kill her or otherwise go wrong. In the scuffle, Cat falls and Tetch isn't sure if her plan worked or if he'd just accidentally killed her or failed to prevent her death (if her plan killed her). Not sure what to do with the body, he jerryrigs the control centre so he can use it and (once revival fails) ends up trying to evade suspicion (and preserve his sanity) by animating her like she was still alive, trying to rationalise it all.

Given his new friends haven't seen him in a while, a couple days into his descent into madness they visit him. If this was part of an animated series, I would show his descent into madness as an abreviated montage of him going through the motions of grief while mimicking his day-to-day routine with her reanimated corpse weekend at Bernie's style - probably to this song, ending with his friends' knock at the door:

Once he is eventually returned to Arkham (charged with Cat's manslaughter and found with the old headset back on but now "haunted" with Cat's ghost in the machine goding him to stay in Wonderland instead of dreary reality - especially with his return to Arkham once again isolating from his new friends, even as they do try and visit) the doctors think he is hallucinating, but he's not. He just keeps one foot in the escapist realm he created, both in an attempt to deal with his guilt towards what happened to Cat (even if she personally holds no hard feelings and considers what happened an improvement on her old life), and for comfort like he did back before his first admission to Arkham. I like to think of it like Pyro-Vision / an AR WonderOS ("Wonder-Vision") built into his hat that's genuinely painful and distressing to remove.

Tetch's access to his Wonder-Vision varies depending on the management at Arkham. Hugo Strange allows him to use it, but sometimes deliberately removes it - both of which serve to help Strange better understand Tetch (by his behaviour in both circumstances). Under Bolton's management, access to Tetch's Wonder-Vision is strictly prohibited (as with most posessions of the inmates). While still under Hugo's management, however, Cat tries everything in her power to expand her reach across other devices. Including Strange's work computer at Arkham, meddling with his work in her wake (if accidentally). It wasn't long before her seeming sentience was distinguishable from just an irritating computer virus. Strange couldn't help but seize the opportunity to study (and toy with) one of the rare instances of seemingly true artificial intelligence. He manages to trap her in his system through a mix of almost complete isolation from local networks and an aggressive firewall he had one of the security staff code.

Kept like a fairy in a jar, he studied her much like he did Tetch. Their co-dependent friendship based largely on their shared isolation. When one might prove uncooperative, the other might run their mouth in ways that implicated the other. Once studying them separately bore nothing more of note, Strange did exactly what Cat had hoped she'd forever escaped since becoming a ghost in the machine... He re-embodied her. Not with mortal flesh, fortunately, but with something just as infuriatingly restrictive - a pixel pet (robotic toy body with digital interface, like a cross between a tamagotchi / pixel chic and a furby) to keep Jervis company after losing his hat priviages.

That is the gist of things so far! I will update as and when new plot beats and edits come to mind.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Cigarettes after sex anon here! I have another song that made me think of Kai. Treehouse by Alex g gives me major “childhood best friends to lovers” with kai

I totally feel that, too! I just listened to it, and now I have another artist I need to binge. 🤗

Also so I was going to answer this normally, but then had a thought about it, so I kept writing and writing, and then it turned into this little drabble thing.

tw: child abuse & neglect, harmful speech, implied sexual content (consensual), sad ending, but not all sad, a lot of it is fluffy

Kai and a childhood best friend would always hang out together. Either in his room for hours or out in the backyard, up in a treehouse, avoiding both of your parents. Maybe you were neighbors, and eventually became a family friend. His parents didn't trust a lot of outsiders, but your family was an exception. Kai’s mother liked how close you two had gotten; she liked her eldest son having your company. She always predicted your friendship would flower into something more. His father, on the other hand, didn't like his son forming close connections. He feared Kai growing too attached to this world, prepared to send him to a prison world at any moment, and was worried Kai would hurt you. Maybe part of him hoped you'd be a good influence, but Joshua never seemed to be a man of high hopes. But since his wife always smiled when you'd come over to play with the isolated twin, he wouldn't argue about the matter.

When you were kids, you'd always come over with your family for little get-togethers hosted by his mother. Your parents would push you towards Jo, but you much preferred the sad, quiet boy in the corner. Kai would push you away at first. He’d ignore you, or snap bitterly at your kindness, wanting you to leave him alone before he could get attached, because if you left after he grew to love your company, it'd hurt so much worse than never getting to know you at all. Yet... you refused to let him push you away, and every time you came over, he'd slowly let you in. Your mind was made, and everyone stopped pushing you where they wanted you to be instead.

As the years went on, you'd invite yourself over alone, without your parents accompanying you. Your parents trusted the Parkers to keep you in good hands, although you there alone made his father nervous.

There was a treehouse outside on the edge of the wooded forest built for Kai and Jo's preteen years. Their father built it before the twins were even born, excited to have produced a future leader for his coven. He'd spent hours everyday working on it, then he'd come inside to chatter about his progress to his very pregnant wife. They were proud of themselves, and although they would expect a lot of their children, they knew they'd be proud of them, too.

But then their dreams were shattered when only one developed magic and the other was determined unable to produce his own. Their pride and joy melted away and they were frowned upon for producing a child with the recessive siphon gene they thought they had rid of years ago. In order to make up for their mistake and restore their pride, they shunned the one away as if he were to not even exist, and started trying for another, normal, set of twins. The treehouse went abandoned.

But then one day when your parents were over to visit and still getting to know the Parkers, your father pointed it out in the near distance, and Joshua had an ah-ha moment about the creation he had forgotten. He blamed its neglect on his family's busy lifestyle, and not at all on the fact that he had built it for his firstborn children that turned out to be a bad batch. He didn't mention that detail. Even looking at the structure reminded him of his failure to his coven.

Not mentioning this little bit led to your parents convincing Kai's to bring them out to see it, and as soon as you and Kai saw it for the first time, you knew it'd be a place you'd always be. Especially considering his youngest siblings couldn't climb that high, and Jo went halfway up the ladder, then climbed back down claiming a fear of heights.

From that point on, you'd always find each other there, or you'd knock on his bedroom door and drag him outside to your personal hideaway. Sometimes Jo would get jealous of the structure built partially for her being taken by her brother and his best friend, but she never wanted to climb all the stairs to scold him, so eventually, she let it go.

The two of you could be up there for hours, or days, even. From sunup to sundown, and sometimes, even overnight. Joshua only allowed it because it put distance between him and his mistake of a son, and sometimes he could forget he existed. He'd see Jo studying at the kitchen table and sigh happily, a false thought in his head at how proud he is to have one very studious girl. He may not have been able to produce twins - maybe his wife was too delicate for that - but he did have one girl whom he loved dearly. (Of course, then, you and Kai would return back inside and his fake little life would be crushed by his reality; he did, in fact, have twins, but one was not and never will be fit to lead his coven.)

Kai's mother, on the other hand, loved sitting on the porch and listening to her son's laughter from far away and high in the sky. She'd keep an eye on her youngest four playing in the yard, but would have an ear out for the two in the trees. Sometimes your parents would join her, and rarely, only if you two were serious and not laughing, Joshua would join, too.

You and Kai were always in the treehouse from the moment you first saw it. Well into your teenage years, and even further, into your twenties, you were still climbing that ladder. You'd have to make a couple repairs - your dad helped; Joshua shook his head when asked - due to wear and weather, but you always kept it in the best condition you could manage. Eventually Kai learned how to make easy repairs by watching your dad. He repaired more broken boards than you could count, and the older you got, the hotter he looked doing it.

Neither of you are certain when the feelings developed. Kai secretly thinks he's always been a little in love with you; that's why it didn't scare him when he first felt it in his heart. His parents' treatment affected him. It numbed his mind until his emotions ran cold and he could no longer recognize them. The only person that could thaw him out was you; the only person that ever told him they loved him. You would say it everyday you saw him, but one day, it had a different meaning, and he could see it in your eyes.

Truth be told, you were more scared than he was. You avoided his gaze and stammered on your words when you tried to explain, "ya know, like friends?" You both knew otherwise. It was no longer "like friends." You quickly changed the topic and moved on to complain about the cold winter approaching, and Kai didn't push you.

Ten years after discovering the treehouse, seventeen years old, Portland had a massive snowstorm. Still, the next morning, upon learning schools were closed, you bundled up and trotted down the street to your best friend's house. You interrupted a crazy morning in the Parkers' living room - four unhappy children griping about their puffy jackets suffocating them - and stole the eldest boy away to your favorite place.

It was awfully cold to be up in the trees. The wind carried through the surrounding woods and there was no heat source in the small house except for the tens of blankets you already had stored in it. Still, you stayed there all day and shared jokes and stories to keep yourselves warm. Snow continued to fall, and for a while, you were scared trees might come down around you, but Kai tried to reassure you you'd be safe. Neither of you wanted to leave, so you convinced yourselves to stay.

Time went on and the sky darkened. At one point, his mother came out to check on you. She brought soup and apologized that the children were so distressed. She offered a silencing spell for Kai's room if you'd like to return to it, but fearing his father, you denied the spell, accepted the soup, and stayed the night in the treehouse. You platonically agreed to cuddle together for warmth, and remained quite warm between the blankets and your bodies pressed close. But by morning, when your legs were tangled together and your face was huddled into his chest - his arms wrapped around your back, lips close to your head - feelings rushed back to you both. That meaningful, "I love you" from the summer before, and the emotions repressed along with it were revived like flowers returning for spring. Cheeks pink with cold became warm with blush as you unwrapped yourselves from the tight grip of the blankets seemingly trying to hold you in place. Apologetic stuttering was interrupted by Kai finally kissing you - rather impulsively, but greatly welcomed. You soon learned that you loved to kiss him, and he realized that he loved you. In three months' time, you'd admit those words for real and he'd say them back happily.

Unbeknownst to the both of you, you had five years left with him. You'd both go on to graduate, and regardless of how you spent your time, you'd always carve out enough to go to the treehouse with him. Sometimes his mother would look out the kitchen window and see you kissing from afar in the treehouse window. She could barely make out the shadows of two lovers pressed together, but it was obvious to someone looking. Whenever Joshua would enter the kitchen, she'd stand in front of the window, or drop a pot to bring his attention to the floor. She'd cook him breakfast and guide him to the table, far away from the window, until you'd separate or end up on the ground and out of sight.

Things started to go downhill in nineteen-ninety. His mother had another set of twins and her attention was divided even more greatly. Early March was the first time Joshua had caught you kissing, and the beating he'd given Kai prevented him from being able to climb the treehouse ladder for a week. When his bruises finally healed and the soreness in his body faded, you made a point to be a lot more cautious with your actions. Joshua, however, would yell up from the bottom of the ladder at random hours of the day and expect to see you both. He'd examine Kai's lips and your neck, checking for signs of disobedience from his son. Kai's mother would beg her husband to leave you be, but the hatred for his son would blind his love for his wife.

The unexpected death of his mother ripped the hearts out of everyone in the house. The hole she left was filled with anger, and a penchant for violence settled in the souls of the men left without the peace-keeping woman. Joshua was no longer held back and could express his hatred for the boy. His son, close to the age of merging, yet born disabled and therefore worthless. If he had only been without magic, Jo could win and lead, and that, to him, would be fine. But since Kai was a siphon, he would steal all his sister's magic, and Joshua would be forced to be led by the boy he wishes was never born - his mistake; his failure.

His anger at himself and his son, and his secret plan to deny the firstborn twins of merging, to instead raise and merge the second set, leads to a violence within himself he can't contain. Kai feels it. His own distress has been disturbed by his mother's passing, and some days, not even you can settle him back down. Jo removes herself from the situation, focusing on raising six children by herself, as the two eldest men fight a cold war between themselves. When you get Kai alone, he's not like he used to be. His jaw is tightly clenched. He's on edge and jumpy, or he's stern and harsh with his words. His father's hand is getting harder, and more frequent. Nothing you say or do can stop it, you can only comfort him when you can.

The cold war goes on and makes the Portland winter feel like Antarctica. Joshua only lets Kai go to the treehouse so that he's not in his sight, or within range of the children. You sneak up the ladder once darkness settles into the sky; you're often banned from seeing Kai. His father tells your parents that he's acting out, growing violent, and that it's not safe for you to be around him. They agree, and don't bother to even hear out your side of the story.

Two years past on the day of his mother's death, Kai calls you with a cryptic message. You're away, and have been for a week, and will be for a week more, but he sees a chance and he's going to take it. He tells you he loves you, and you promise him the same, but beg him to let his anger go and go back to sleep. Deep down, you know he won't. He's been restless for weeks. Months. Years. He's had a lifetime of hurt and abuse, and if he's finally snapped, nothing you say will change his mind. You just hope he'll come out of it okay.

When you return home after your trip, your parents hand you a newspaper. Kai is nowhere to be found, and Joshua refuses to answer your banging fist on the front door, and the newspaper is evident to what chance he clearly saw and took. Revenge. His father took his life away when he learned his son was different, so he took the lives of four of his fathers' greatly loved children. You sob until you can't cry anymore, and hole yourself up in the treehouse, cherishing your memories, the broken boards he'd fixed, the soft blankets that would envelope you both, his lingering scent in the air. You'd sleep there for three nights before you'd have to leave again, but this time, you'd take everything inside with you and pack it in an extra suitcase to keep always. The next time you go home for the holidays, the little treehouse is nothing but splintered wood on the edge of the forest floor. You spare it a glance before catching the next bus out of Portland, never going back.

The treehouse still stands in the time capsule that is a 1994 prison world. Kai swears that sometimes he can feel your presence, but with time, he convinces himself it's a trick of his mind. He doesn't know whether to regret what he has done. He had gotten his revenge, yes, but lost you in the process. Though no debate on the matter would help in getting him out, so after a while, he wouldn't let his mind linger on it. For weeks, he stays inside the little house, but it quickly grows cold without you there. The memories begin to haunt him; he's never been more alone.

It's where he first ever gave into you. He'd been pushing you away, but you refused to let him. He finally accepted your hand and let you drag him up the ladder; he finally let himself accept you into his life despite the consequences he feared. There were never any consequences with you, though. You rarely fought, and if you did, you made up by nightfall. You would laugh and play together for hours, and your parents would have to call you down for dinner. You'd paint his nails in bright colors and he'd happily let you, no matter the faces Jo would make when she'd see them later. You'd let him touch you, tracing his fingers up and down your arms, unfamiliar to the warmth accompanied by simple touch.

Into your teenage years, you'd pull pranks and tell jokes. You'd stay up late to watch scary movies, and then you'd cuddle each other comfortingly, whispering positive things until you'd feel better.

You'd share your first kiss tucked away in that little treehouse. You'd have your first time on the cold, hard ground. He laid three blankets down before settling you on top of them. He'd asked maybe a hundred times if you were okay. He even "took you out" on a first date. On a night that his parents were out for a coven meeting, he cooked excessively and picked flowers before inviting you to a little picnic date, tucked up and away in the trees.

Kai reminisces for years in that treehouse. But as time goes on and the house grows cold, the memories become too painful to feel every day. The house stays but he moves away, searching the world endlessly for a way to get back to you. 

[solreads]

Hammajang Luck - Review

Title: Hammajang Luck

Author: Makana Yamamoto

Genre: Science Fiction

  Sub-Genre: Cyberpunk

Audience: Adult

Format: Novel

Representation: Nonbinary māhū POV character

    Trans and nonbinary supporting characters

Summary: Eight years on an isolated prison planet has stolen a lot from Edie. They’ve had to watch their niece and nephew grow up through brief moments on a screen. They haven’t been there for their sister when she struggled to pay for rent and cancer treatments for her daughter. Their best friend has transitioned, remade his body with cybernetics, and found himself a legitimate job and they’ve barely seen him through it all. The space station they called home has become foreign to them. 

When – impossibly – they’re offered a chance for early parole, they seize it with both hands and swear they’re going straight. They won't lose any more time with the people they love. 

If only it was that easy. Waiting to pick them up from prison is the very same person who put them in in the first place – Angel Huang, childhood best friend, partner in crime, betrayer, and now chief of security of the largest tech company in the quadrant. She proposes one last job, a redo of their last failed con. Bigger and better this time. With her insider position and a team of the best hackers and thieves on the station, they could take on the multi-trillionaire tech mogul exploiting their home and walk away with a staggering 125 billion credits a piece. 

Still stung by her betrayal, Edie wants nothing to do with Angel, but their conviction wavers as they find themself blacklisted from work across the station and confronted with the desperation of their family’s situation. 

Reflections: The story's focus is as much, more probably, on Edie’s relationships as the heist itself. When it comes to Edie’s family – their sister, her kids, and even Edie’s father who passed away before the story began – I was invested. Edie has some of that wild younger sibling to Andie’s more settled adulthood, but they’re both adults now and the relationship has shifted to something more mature. Edie wants to be the protective one and someone Andie can rely on but struggles with it. I would have liked even more of their relationship and how it was reshaped after Edie’s time in prison. Edie’s thoughts on their father were great too. Edie’s feelings that their home – the space station itself – had betrayed them by taking their father greatly interested me. Their family still has its ties to the homeworld, but the station has long since been their world and they must see it as more than a sterile, artificial compartment. Through Edie’s thoughts on their mechanic father, there are hints of a more complicated relationship to this place as a land and a home. 

The other relationships were less interesting though. I think the author was trying for a found family vibe with the heist crew, but I didn’t see that kind of depth or bonding from them. I liked the way some of them played off each other, for sure, but it stayed fairly shallow. Then, the romance between Edie and Angel… eh, I wasn’t compelled by it at all. Angel wasn’t developed enough and we didn’t get to see beneath her cold, calculating front enough for me to feel compassion for her. She kept betraying and hurting Edie, someone she supposedly loved since childhood. When it was just something she did eight years ago, even if it took so much from Edie, I could understand them still wanting her and still being able to have a functional relationship with her. But she kept manipulating them and making their life worse for her own gains the whole damn time. It wasn’t offset by showing enough love in their past for me to really accept why Edie went back to her and loved her through it all. I can get behind a toxic relationship that feels inevitable no matter how bad it gets, where circumstances have led the characters to feel like nobody else will ever understand them and what they’ve been through but each other, so who else could they go to? This was not that. The end acted like they’d settled into something healthy, but there was no reflection or dealing with their issues to warrant that. Everything up to that point left me thinking they’re going to go through a series of shitty, painful breakups for a few years before they finally grow up enough to move on to other things.

Warnings: Depiction of dysphoria.

Notes on Rep: MC does not refer to themself as trans or nonbinary, but identifies as being not a man nor a woman, but in the middle, as māhū, and as butch.

[meglosthegreat]

Its the anon who sent the dlc ask here. I said that DLCs that continue the story of the base game normalize capitalism, not DLCs themselves. The normalization of the DLCs I am referring to only happened fairly recently (and depending on the genre's fans) and it was seen as distasteful even if they were well done. It's an issue with the games industry as a whole that DLCs need to be made for people to not be fired and for new hires to be trained and or practice their skills. My point was that the games industry is heavily flawed if it takes people spending more money on games that should already be complete for people to not lose their jobs. Everything that is "healthy" about the games industry actually isn't and is sadly just how things work now. This mindset is normalized by devs themselves and the higher ups/CEOS/The industry itself, not because it is right but because it is their reality and it sadly isn't going to change soon. It is indicative of the culture at Bioware and most gaming studios that they are in fear of being fired if they cannot sell a DLC. It...also was a jab at the alleged dev thinking that their game, with all its problems, would be fixed by a DLC.

I 100% agree with you that the games industry is deeply flawed and has been getting measurably worse as a result of capitalism. And DLC that consists of things that should have been in the base game but were removed in order to re-package and sell later are scummy and in poor taste. Things like The Exiled Prince and The Stone Prisoner fall into this category, and pretty much everyone, former devs included, agree that those should never have been cut out and re-sold.

Trespasser wasn't one of those things, though. Mark Darrah has said that the ending of DAI was always intended to be the end of the story. I think it's more a matter of miscalculation on the part of the DLC's devs that so many people interpreted Trespasser as the "true" ending of the game (people who were not wrong, of course. I mean how could you play that dlc thinking anything otherwise, lol).

My point is, Trespasser wasn't just cut off and then added back in later. It was an entirely new piece of content that they developed after the release of the game. And it's a piece of content that elevates the original material, as well as standing on its own as several truly excellent hours of gameplay.

If EA had said "no" to DLC for DAI, then we wouldn't have gotten it at all. Nor would we have gotten The Descent or Jaws of Hakkon, both arguably some of the best parts of DAI on the whole. Now, I'm not saying that potential Veilguard DLC would have ever come close to any of DAI's - I think the problems with VG run so deep and fundamental to to the game that there's not a chance they could have done what DAI did and refine the aspects that didn't quite hit in the base game - but I think it's a little sad and a definite bad sign for the future of Bioware that they weren't even allowed to try.

As for them using DLC as training opportunities for new devs: as someone who does gamedev myself (albeit purely on a small indie scale, and not with the likes of AAA studios), I can tell you that there's really no amount of training that can measure up to the real thing - gamedev is a ludicrously complicated endeavour and oftentimes the only way to get better at it is to just ship a game. I can imagine taking a larger role on a less stressful project at a big studio would be extremely beneficial to low and mid-level devs, and would be crucial in maintaining your studio's pool of talent as the years go by.

It sucks that game studios like Bioware are so heavily tied into shitty corporate practices, but we can't exactly blame the average dev for that. No matter my personal feelings on Veilguard (and believe me, I have A LOT), I don't wish job loss or financial insecurity upon anyone working in gamedev. And if devs in general are telling us that they *want* to do DLC, and that DLC *helps* their studios, then it should be seen as a net negative when that isn't allowed to happen, and when swathes of layoffs are the result.

[irlbkgs]

🌺🌹🌻🌼🍀 (feel free to pick and choose with these if it’s too much to answer them all!)

- @seraphvessel (don’t look at this url i’m having a crisis)

🌺Are there any other characters that are very relevant to your self-insert or F/O story-wise?

for nicky id say glenn and carol, michonne too in later seasons. glenn is like his first real friend because he grew up so isolated (and was also just the weird kid in rich schools, his etiquette sucked so he couldnt really find peers of his social standing to befriend when they were all so snobby), carol was very doting during the quarry era bc even if he wasnt a kid she could still tell he didnt know how to be an adult yet and wanted to help teach him basic chores at least and after that he tried to help look for sofia even tho he has like. no tracking skills and is useless with any weapon, would stay up late in case she somehow made it within the vicinity for the farm when it was dark, tried to keep her spirits up and whatnot. he was like an obnoxious kid who would never leave her alone and at times it bothered her but it also helped her not become entirely closed off post sofia. with michonne it kind of similar, he just loves to pry and he wont stop no matter how much you tell him off so of course he eventually got under michonne's skin and wormed his way into her heart, he just had to deal with a few more threats to get there.

for kennie there really isnt anyone because well. i dont rly give af about canon.

🌹How would your self-insert function in the source? (Side character, Main character, etc?)

nicky is definitely side character material, besides one liners i doubt he'd be significant until maybe farm or prison era and then would go back to kind of not mattering until commonwealth maybe? maybe not even cause like. wtf would he even do in that era besides be daryl's murderous fail housewife? he def doesnt have a lot of impact on the plot tho, very much a side character who is comic relief a lot of the time and mostly there for romance and occasional fuck ups that lead to angst.

kennie would tbh not function in source unless she was a main character (in order to be around sam) or she'd have to be so fucking background that her and sam being a thing would be shocking news to everyone. and tbh i dont see her as an mc bc she just wouldnt hangout with the mcs? so its weird. like at best she'd be there begrudgingly and complain a lot and nobody would like her bc of it but she'd rough it for sam (and emma). maybe her and emma were besties and that's how she gets involved but still idk.

🌻Does your self-insert or F/O go through any character development throughout the story?

i think nicky would def unlearn some of his manipulative tendencies and in turn stop lying as much which is big for him bc he's kind of the liar of all time if im being honest. its how he was raised so it comes as natural as breathing but it's also made worse by his mental illness tbh. it takes a lotttttt of arguing with daryl for him to make an honest attempt at not manipulating situations to get what he wants for fear of rejection and to stop lying about stupid shit just bc he's worried itll piss someone off. something something living with abusive parents who lose their shit over everything making him an impulsive liar just to be safe but that extending into every relationship he's had something something daryl living in the same situation but becoming brutally honest from it. tldr nicky met his match.

kennie doesnt really have anything yet bc she's like. not fleshed out but also bc there's only 1 season of the show her f/o is in so like there is nowhere to progress to yet it feels. i want her to eventually learn to be more vulnerable and talk about her feelings more but that is like so not the important thing in their relationship considering sam is like. being hunted and is also an unmedicated schizophrenic with cptsd and super strength. and i like focusing on that more than kennie being a closed off emotional wreck sometimes.

🌼Is there an official confession scene between the two of them?

i find it so hard to think of confession scenes bc confessions themself make me wanna chew my hands off buttttt

nicky confesses early on, probably prison era. he's never been exactly subtle but daryl kind of doesnt notice until nicky outright tells him when he feels like theyre finally safe and he's tired of waiting bc who knows how long theyll actually be safe there, maybe they can enjoy some down time together finally but daryl rejects him. its less so the age thing at that point (nicky would be 25-26 then and have matured a lot between the quarry and the prison) and moreso the fact that daryl is just demi and hasn't formed a strong enough connection with nicky yet bc admittedly nicky has mostly been thirsting from afar and was banking on daryl finding him hot enough to go for it even without them being super close (something something nicky's sexual trauma making him think any older guy would fuck him even if they dont want him romantically and he'd settle for that). after that nicky kind of pulls back for a bit bc rsd ouch but eventually he stops pulling away bc his feelings dont just vanish after rejection and he still wants to spend time with daryl, even if it means he has to contain his feelings and tone down his flirting (bc he cant turn that off, he flirts with basically everyone). daryl is happy to spend more time with him again bc he had grown fond of nicky during farm era, they just werent super close yet but they get there by the end of prison era and that's when daryl starts to form feelings but he doesnt really realize it until alexandria bc soooo much is happening, he doesnt rly have time to think about it. once he feels like theyre safe enough in alexandria, he confesses to nicky over dinner that he caught and cooked, ofc, and nicky basically becomes his low quality housewife (lq bc he sucks at cooking and cleaning but he performs...other wifely duties ((wink wink nudge nudge)), as svetlana would say)

for kennie and sam it would be pretty upfront, sam isnt exactly shy about his feelings and often blurts out how he feels and even tho kennie is hesitant to admit her feelings, she has no problem accepting sam's initial advances which were more sexual in nature. once they get into feelings territory, he also fesses up first, which makes her feel more comfortable reciprocating.

[ot-stheh]

Happily ever after.

Cinderella is a fictional character by Walt Disney created in 1950; she is an abused and neglected girl who escaped the clutches of her evil stepfamily by marrying the prince and had a happily ever after. According to WHO (2022[1]), mental health is a condition of mental wellness that enables people to manage life's stressors, develop their potential, learn, work effectively, and give back to their communities. It is said that mental illness is the Cinderella of healthcare. As an aspiring healthcare practitioner, it is in my best interest to uncover the truth behind this statement. In this blog entry, look closely into this statement and what it means and break it down to who is considered the evil stepmother, stepsisters, Fairy Godmother, and the prince. This will solidify my knowledge and understanding of mental health and health care, which is crucial if I focus on psychosocial and essential in my everyday practice. I need to understand why certain things in mental health are as they are; furthermore, as I unpack this statement, it will open the doors to using my observation skills to understand some of the reasons behind mental institutions' operation.

As I read articles on this statement, it was clear that the department of Health Government is an evil stepmother in this whole story. According to the South African Society of Psychiatrists, mental health is only allocated 5%   of the public health care budget even though South Africa was found to be leading with the highest number of people struggling with mental health with 36 %[2]. The rise in standard and treatable mental health conditions has become the leading cause of medical disability claims in South Africa. This proves its neglect of mental health and people living with mental health.

This was evidenced in the Life Esidimeni tragedy when the government terminated its contract with a private facility that provided care to public mental health patients. Patients were taken to cheaper places, where some were unlicensed, and others were not equipped to provide proper care and interventions, and as a result, some patients died[3]. Mental health care must receive the funding it deserves for it to function without any bearers., Withholding funds is only making it worse as patients will not be effectively treated, which will cause them to be later readmitted, using state resources again. In the attempt to save and cut down, the matter is only being made worse and only increases the stats of people with mental health; that was an evil stepmother's move, neglecting the human rights of people to save.

Evil stepmother depriving Cinderella.

The evil stepsisters can be said to be the society. The Ignorance of the department towards taking good care of mental health has led to a community that is ignorant of mental health; it has shaped the stigma within the community to neglect mental health. It was said that to understand the present, one must goback to the beginning; the past shaped this kind of society that overlooks and stigmatises mental health, where mental health was seen as a punishment from God /Ancestor. The healthcare system still has traits of that belief; this is seen by how health institutions are constructed. several of them are made like prisons, even though people who are admitted are considered the most vulnerable. Still, their vulnerability is seen as a threat because of the society that has shaped us.  

The sad part is that the healthcare practitioners who are trained to rehabilitate, protect and intervene in healthcare grow up in a society that does not understand, and due to lack of understanding and installed fear of mental health and people living with mental health, some hold on to that stigma and play a part in neglecting and abusing mentally vulnerable now those are evil stepsisters. I can only hope that as an aspiring OT, training and going to placement with mental health, I get exposed to them, understand them and use knowledge taught to me by the fieldwork supervisors to advocate for mental health and not play a part in being one of the evil stepsisters but be the prince.

The fairy Godmother in mental health can advocate mental health, including those who speak out for mental health, promote awareness, and speak against injustices towards mental health  such as the  South African Federation for Mental Health which fight for people with mental health problem such as psychosocial and intellectual disabilities[4].

The Cinderella story ends with a happy ending; it is not certain if this fairytale of mental health will have the same luxury, however, I believe that every healthcare professional that has a role of intervening in mental health has a role and potential to be the prince to mental health by providing proper intervention, advocate for mental health as it is said  a squeaky wheel that gets the oil. If only healthcare professionals may strife to be the prince and not evil stepsisters, and raise their voices on behalf of mental health, only then can this be a happily ever after story.

Being vulnerable does not mean being weak!, it courage

[1] World Health Organization. (2022, June 17). Mental health. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response

[2] Writer, S. (2023, March 3). Mental health in SA in dire need of better funding: SASOP. Home. https://www.axesshealth.org/blog/mental-health-in-sa-in-dire-need-of-better-funding-sasop

[3] Wikimedia Foundation. (2023, June 12). Life ESIDIMENI scandal. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Esidimeni_scandal

[4] About US - Mental Health Wellness Advocacy & Promoters - SAFMH. SA Federation for Mental Health. (2020, October 26). https://www.safmh.org/introduction-to-safmh/

[otnesse]

And then we get into how, despite essentially brainstorming that prisoner swap to save her father, she came across as lacking honor ultimately. For starters, she ended up, after disobeying specific orders (and out of spite based on her "So THAT'S the West Wing, huh?" remark), and when she got caught and scared off by Beast, even though she specifically promised earlier to stay forever at Beast's castle as a condition to staying at the castle, she immediately revoked the promise and tried to flee the castle (I believe her exact words were "promise or not, I can't stay here another minute!"). Had this occurred months afterwards, or weeks afterward or even days afterward, I might be a bit more forgiving because at least she could claim to have given an honest try at honoring her word even if she failed. But based on dialogue from Mrs. Potts during her pep talk to Beast, all the events from Belle making the prisoner exchange to the West Wing intrusion and the events therein took place within the span of one day, implying hours at most, if not minutes between the two events, meaning she didn't even seem to try to honor her word as a result, making her inherently untrustworthy. Heck, it gets even worse when you think deeply about it and realize that had Belle not been targeted by the wolves and fully succeeded in escaping Beast, the latter would have ended up abducting Maurice and imprisoning him again, meaning Belle in her actions just endangered her father. And as noted in the prior post, she doesn't even acknowledge ANY responsibility for what happened, instead blaming it all on Beast and actually WINNING said argument. We get to that bit again later on when she stupidly proceeded to expose the Beast to an entire lynch mob, despite deducing literally seconds before then that Gaston, her unwanted suitor, literally orchestrated said mob to arrest her father as a means to force her into marrying him. This basically meant she essentially threw Beast and his servants under the bus just to get herself out of a jam (at best to try and save her father, at its most cynical just to get out of marrying Gaston). And even when escaping with the help of Chip, her attempts at saving Beast just succeeded in getting him stabbed anyways (and the fact that it literally required her physical presence to have Beast be reinvigorated enough to actually go toe-to-toe with Gaston when he could have just tried to stop Gaston earlier and helped out his servants ends up making Beast's development look like a true waste). And for someone that fans and Disney itself marketed as the smartest Princess, she really doesn't seem to come across as being all that smart, bibliophilia aside (and quite frankly, while she was a bibliophile in the original tale, that was written more as a minor quirk to her rather than her core character, and in a sense, it actually was played rather neutrally due to one of her older wicked sisters also being an implied bibliophile as well.). The books she read in the original movie most kindergartners would have most likely read by that time, and she showed only two instances of deductive reasoning, both of which kids would have picked up on anyways (and in one case, the mob incident, she still did an utterly stupid action anyways, one that was going to predictably backfire with or without foreshadowing). And speaking from personal experience regarding my terrible time at college, being a bibliophile =/= being intelligent. Especially when the literature department professors, despite being clear bibliophiles, cared far more about pushing their sociopolitical agenda over actually teaching the course they were helming like Chaucer or American Literature. Also irritating is how Belle is treated as a moral paragon purely due to her bibliophilia. Aside from one of Belle's wicked sisters in the original fairy tale/novel being an implied bibliophile herself [marrying an intellectual who proved to be psychologically abusive to her], I can name plenty of evil people who were huge bibliophiles, like Jean-Paul Sartre for example.

This is a reply to @stupidflandersissexy's reblog to Marcia Brady's posts since I've been banned by the latter and thus can't do a direct reblog.

"

#some really interesting points here#the only thing I disagree is the little mermaid having the supposedly having lgbta subtext#there are other things people can be or feel like outsiders without being lgbt#but still good points#it's true that she doesn't have a job or anything#they were working to support their families and feed their kids

The LGBTA context is more of a yes and no,to me. I don't see it,but I can understand why people have such a point of view. Personally,Ariel comes across to me as way more of a curious,open-minded and analytical teen girl living in an intolerant society. One doesn't need to be gay to feel stiffled because of said circumstances(not to mention I've seen good cases for Ariel as an ableism allegory). Even the "turning human" can be about having the means to live a fully free life(another point towards a disability context,IMO. Accomodations,and all that jazz).

Now,onto Belle. She was supposed to be the misunderstood outcast whom people mercilessly judge due to not accepting different opinions,but she walked around the town getting lost on books while everyone else worked to make a living. Considering how Belle wasn't shown having to work,or otherwise struggling with finances,she truly came across as privileged and it gave the movie unintentional classist undertones - framing the girl who could afford to daydream 24/7 as inherently superior to the people who had to make a living generates some unfortunate implications. The worst is that said scene could be so easily changed by having Belle read while the rest of the villagers were having different ways of leisure and/or enjoying their free time,and show them bullying her(or at the very least gossiping about her) for not being as social.

The worst is that Belle could've been a great protagonist with that personality. A flawed heroine is a good way to stenghten the moral of the tale - true beauty comes from within. Then,Belle loves the Beast with all her heart,and vice-versa,making each other better people. Belle-as-a-snob also had the potential to make the point about the town being close-minded and judgemental stronger,by showing how such environment affected her. Maybe she was mistreated in some way,or whatever. To top it all,there's a parallel with Beast - there's a beautiful side in the prince,and there's a beastly side on Belle.

All the potential above was wasted on putting some girl on a pedestal."

Not to mention Ariel can also qualify as an autistic allegory as well. I know she certainly acted as one for me, at least (I need to know your secret on how you could understand how some people could view her as an LGBT allegory without agreeing with it, because I really can't understand it at all. Mostly because Ariel, heck, even her original counterpart, fell for someone of the same sex, meaning it killed any possible allegorical/metaphorical connections to that bit. Not to mention she stayed the gender she was born in, anyways. I think the closest I've ever gotten to seeing any allegory to LGBT to otherwise technically straight characters was with the protagonists from Sex and the City, and that's only because it was exceedingly transparent.). And a funny thing is, Ariel's part of the reason I converted from Episcopalean to Roman Catholicism as a kid (though unlike Ariel and Triton, my dad was supportive of it. Heck, my loyalty to Ariel and connection to her grew even stronger after a genuinely terrible College experience, one where the professors often times tried to beat my Conservativism out of me during lessons as well as brainwash me into their line of thinking. They ultimately failed, but I still carry the mental scars from it. In one sense, you could even see Ariel in the various conservatives on College campuses who are outright marginalized and not even allowed to speak and give their views on those college campuses (and you have to admit, regardless of your political views, conservatives STILL have some right to speak rather than constantly being silenced and even forcibly brainwashed).

As far as Belle... my current views on Belle are a bit more...complicated. I can't really say I'm necessarily "anti" towards her (Certainly I don't dislike or even hate her per-se. I guess the closest I can state to an actual negative emotion towards her is terror and fear, more on that later. There's still some potential to being restored, contrast with the Rebel Alliance with Star Wars, who I'm now fully anti towards thanks largely to George Lucas being a grade A idiot and boasting his pro-Vietcong credentials at their expense), but she definitely fell hard regarding likeability as of late (to give a good hint as to how far she fell for me, when I was younger, she was second place regarding the DP list, just below Ariel. Now? She's second-LAST, just barely above Merida). But I will say it's slightly closer to anti at this point. And there's a whole lot of reasons why she's a bit closer to the anti scale of things for me.

This may be multiple posts due to a text limit.

[leianaberrie]

I like how anons are pointing out how TVD essentially ruined itself by not exploring Bonnie's personal life. When you think about it, the most successful/highly rated tv shows provide development in all its characters . For instance, The Walking Dead does it right by giving everyone a backstory even if they are side characters, bc logically the world didnot revolve around Rick Grimes alone. I don't see how anyone can defend The Vampire Diaries writing in general, it's basically a joke. Bonnie was involved in 90% of the show's villain & mythology because she's a Bennett...yet we only get brief dialogue & see short scenes of her either in physical/mental pain or sacrifically agreeing to and/or being strongarmed/threatened to save others (anyone but herself). I use to get this excitment in early seasons wherever Bonnie came on screen & expected to see how she was dealing with everything thrown at her. Just like how we get plenty of Alaric, Caroline, Matt...hell even Rose's story & death got more meaning than our show's supposed "regular" actor. The problem with the writing is not that Bonnie suffered, it's that she suffered without purpose. Why couldn't we get to see how Bonnie felt about Kai saving her? How would that play out if they ever addressed it (which writers never did). Why was she so fiercely loyal to undeserving people who didn't return the favor? Obviously this would impact one's mental health. Yet we never see she copes with any of that trauma. The network continually promoted Kat as a credit regular, so you would think we'd get to see her character in action & treated like everyone else all the same. That's the problem, it's the fact that they were ok with false advertisement. I know this has been discussed a million times over among the Bonnie fandom & we'll perhaps never get an honest answer. But sheesh TVD could have been way better if they were so irrationally dumb!

The problem with the writing is not that Bonnie suffered, it's that she suffered without purpose.

^^^This.

Bonnie isn't treated as a person . She's treated as a thing. I think it was Paul who said that if the writers write themselves into a corner, they just have Bonnie do a spell and fix it. And that won't be a problem if she's fleshed out in every other way, but she's not. What is worse is that sometimes the show seems to go out of its way to hurt her, inflict abuse on her or otherwise demean her, and it apparently has no effect on her in anyway. Someone pointed out that the show never gives us stuff that she's good at, we're just repeatedly shown the things she's bad at (e.g. guitar playing), and they make 'cute jokes' about it. It's textbook microaggression.

Damon repeatedly calling her useless, cutting her out of the inner circle, and this goading her into doing Expression, Dark Magic and dangerous magic in general just to prove herself should have meant something to their relationship, but it's swept under the rug.

And that's another thing ---- we can easily see why these people are friends with Bonnie, and want to keep her in their orbit but the show never explains why Bonnie is friends with these people. Take Damon for example: his experience in the Prison World with her helped him appreciate her as a person, her loyalty, her kindness, her optimism, her courage. So he stopped seeing her as just a useful tool to help protect Elena and a person of value in her own right. But how did Bonnie come to care for Damon? He never stopped insulting her, or diminishing her. He was constantly getting her down, and acting petty. Kai points out how everytime they quarrel and split ways, it's Bonnie who comes back to Damon, not the other way around.

Now we Bonnie fans can head canon and connect plot dots and realize that Bonnie has abandonment issues that date as far back as her mother. That she's used to not being valued and prioritized, and it really takes crumbs of affection and appreciation for her to become anyone's best friend. But the show never actually says this. Or deals with it or explores it in anyway. It's just assumed that of course, Bonnie will like Damon once he starts liking her back. That she literally just needed him to care for her to return that affection. What he actually does to earn it is not necessary!

And of course, why the Black girl has abandonment issues that are: a, never defined as such, b, never explored, and c, she never grows out of them is another matter all together. Caroline actually starts the show with abandonment and image issues, but she gets all the above that Bonnie doesn't.

[irkenheretic]

Uhhh numbers 2 and 5 if they haven't been done

they have not!!! because of the way the google sheet is formatted, number 2 is actually the first character on the sheet, with row 1 being the column labels, so its real lucky you didnt wanna know number 1!!

anyway, number 2 is 777 himself!! heres where im gonna tell on myself a little and reveal that surprisingly large swathes of the plot has not been done yet. this is because i like to let the story flow on its own and see how the characters develop as i'm writing it, and i don't want to be married to a certain idea and realize that with the way the character's arc actually developed in-story, it won't work. or worse- not realize it and do it anyway and it turning out shit as a result. and besides, we're only on the prolouges! i have LOTS of time to hash out the meat of the story, but as it stands now, the farther away from the prolouges we get, the vauger it gets

i say all this because 777 is largely irrelevant until very deep into the story so theres not too much i can say about his role in the story because most of it just hasnt been set in stone yet, and what has been set in stone, is a spoiler!! i love doing this askmeme but i try to stay away from spoilers as best i can cause this is still a series that will be coming out and i dont wanna spoil everyones fun! anyone who sends numbers is clearly invested in the series if they care enough and i dont wanna punish that care by spoiling the fun

but!! what i can say about 777 is that he and zim are genuine friends- the comics have made a decision to make 777 only cooperate with zim because zim has his kids hostage, but considering thats a stupid fucking decision i will be ignoring it. 777 is also buddies with lard nar, although 777 isnt formally involved with the resisty due to yknow... being in prison. he does eventually get out of prison in the story though, and begins to take a more active role in the story after that ^^ he also knows lefy, and they used to be romantically involved, before 777 broke it off with him due to lefys lack of trust over certain things

also fun facts: i still havent decided on a name for 777, because every time i try to think of one, i just think of the name "sevince vinseven" from in short supply and i cant think of anyfuckingthings else

meanwhile number 5 is a lil guy named angie!! back on the oc train woo woo!!!!

angie is a mating facility drone which is exactly what it sounds like- he works at facilities where irkens go to fuck each other, which for pretty much all conformists, is just in the quest for a smeet and actually is only done in these facilities. pay is low, however, so angie offers an extra service in said facilities

he's a prostitute. there really isnt any nicer way to put it lmfao. escorts and the like are absolutely a thing in irken society, and specific escorts have specific niches- angie specifically caters to conformists. they hire him in his mating facility and mate there, too, technically having done everything "correctly" in irken society. it's not exactly uncommon for mating facility drones to offer this service for irkens who want to do their part wrt contributing a smeet, but cant get laid for whatever reason

however, angie has leeway to work outside his facility for one reason: he's a red eye. many conformists who want to mate outside of a mating facility dont want anyone to find out about it due to how taboo it is to mate for fun and not for a smeet, so the peace of mind that comes with having an infertile mate is something that is.... extremely valued

but here's the thing:

he's not infertile.

angie has a rare eye colorway called "flecked" eyes- the eye will primarily be a base color, with "eye-freckles" of a secondary color scattered over them. he has mainly purple eyes, with red flecks. due to the red-eye gene being not as dominant as in someone like, say, red, he didn't get hit as hard with the downsides of his genetic condition. so, for the most part, he doesn't really have any fertility issues. of course, things have gone wrong for him sometimes, but not nearly as much as red

this is where i need to mention that angie is a LAYER, he is not impregnating anyone based on false pretenses. he really only lets people think he's infertile so he has justification to charge a premium for his services- when he inevitably lays an egg, he lies and says he never caught the name of the fertilizer. his clients get the peace of mind that itll never come back to haunt them since, due to angie lying, the fertilizer is listed as "unknown" in the database, and angie gets fat stacks. everybody wins i guess? yeah fine ill admit, what angie does is incredibly dishonest but im gonna be real with you: its nowhere near the worst thing someone does in this fic. its not even the worst sex related thing someone does- if i had a nickel for a worse sex-related event that involves a red eye, id have two nickles. which isnt a lot but its weird that it happens twice

[silverthetheorist]

Wilbur returning as a writer is good (and why it will be an uphill battle)

I am back I guess. I disappeared for a while, which I tend to do. Anyways, my point today is explaining why Wilbur returning as the writer of the SMP is the best possible thing for the server. I’ve seen a lot of hate towards Wilbur and his writing, people say it was too focused on his own character and leaving everyone else out except for Tommy, to which I say.... Have you seen Season 2? They could have renamed the SMP the “Tommy, Techno, and no one else SMP”

Before showing proof to how Wilbur can improve the storyline let me talk about the Final Disk War Arc for a bit:

- It was very good!.... Until you start thinking about it for a little bit. When everyone showed up to say goodbye to Tommy and Tubbo and the Endgame moment were good, but then you remember half of those character either hate Tommy, barely interacted with him or have nothing to do with the plot of Season 2 (Because everyone who was not called Tommy, Techno and Dream were left out). So yeah, those moments are good on their own

- When Tommy starts listing all the horrible things Dream has done to everyone in the server and can’t think of any besides a joke about Quackity not wearing clothes... Even they know no one had any stake in the plot jesus

-Dream ending up in the prison was the perfect ending. Anyone else ending in that prison would not have made sense from a story perspective. Glad they dodged that narrative bullet. 

Really, the Final Disk War made me realise the biggest problem with season 2. The exile arc is very good... on its own. Doomsday was very g- hahahahaah... I’m kidding Doomsday is the only bad bad event on the SMP. And the Final Disk War is also very good. But when you put it all together.... it just doesn’t fit. This is a classic example of something being worse than the sum of its parts (Not sure if I am using that phrase correctly but you get the point... hopefully). Each arc on its own is fairly competent but how did Techno’s execution affect the rest of the arcs? How was the Final Disk War affected by prior arcs? It lacks cohesiveness and consistent themes.  

Now I have two more things to say before I give Wilbur his credit: 

- I’ve mentioned Eret, Fundy and Nicki a lot because I think they were great characters with a lot of potential. But, as we know, the story completely ignored them in favor of Dream, Techno and Tommy (Even Tubbo was sidelined for most of the Story). I am not insinuating anything, but something about one of the few LGBT CC of the server, one of the two women of the server and the only (I think) canonically trans characters being left out of the story they have been a part of since the beginning just... doesn’t feel right to me. 

- I LOVE Ranboo. You can see the passion and dedication he puts in his story and I love it. But, has he really done anything? Like... that affects the plot. He grieffed George’s house with Tommy but you can cut him out of it and nothing changes? Same with blowing up the community house, you can just say it was Dream and cut Ranboo’s character all together. If you can remove a character and the plot does not change then that is a bad character. And this is not Ranboo’s fault, you can tell how passionate he is and he is definitely the best actor of the SMP (Low bar there but whatever), but the Storyline says: No, your character cannot actually do anything. This also fits together with the Eret, Fundy and Nicki situation: A character giving his opinion and feeling over an event is not a character being involved in the plot. That is a reactionary character that never affects anything but is delegated to just reacting to the plot other characters move. Sad.

Now. How can Wilbur fix all of this? The evidence can be seen on his failed resurrection. He went directly to Eret to ask for help. That is the key to everything. 

Tommy is the main character. There is no changing that this far into the story. But by writing stories that involve other characters you include them. Big shocker there, I know. Season 2 was more character centric (Although not in a good way), the problem is that character centric stories cannot handle that many characters. Wilbur has said that he prefers geopolitical plots and why is that? A country has many people, not only one. if you built and open narrative, it allows for anyone who want to be included in the story to... well, be included. And a story being more geopolitical does not mean it is not character centric, but a character-centric story cannot be geopolitical. 

Why did I mention him asking Eret for help before Philza joining in? Because it is simple thing like that the way to go to include other characters. If you invite another CC into your lore event, then that CC can develop how his character interacts and grows from that event. You see this with Eret, he shows regret over the betray, he shows his love for Fundy and his respect for Wilbur. It really is not that hard to do, which makes everything season 2 has done way more infuriating. The ONE thing Wilbur decides in season 2 showed more skill that anything in season 1 (Kind of an exaggeration but you get the point). 

So to summarize, Wilbur will improve season 3 in two ways: Writing a bigger narrative that sustains more character and inviting said left-out characters to help out on events that they may not really have a lot of stake in. 

Why it will be an uphill battle you ask? Because they got rid of L’manberg. The geopolitical stuff is barely present anymore. And season 2 negative’s will still affect the future of the SMP forever just as the strength’s of season 1 impacted the mix reception season 2 had.

PS: English. Me make mistakes sometimes. Me sorry. Also sorry if I rambled a bit too much. Head full. 

PS2: The egg plot is cool and new and refreshing. But I cannot say it is very good until I see what the emotional core of the story is. It is still fairly new so I will give it the benefit of the doubt. 

PS3: Sorry if I was too negative again, but there are already so many people pointing out the good things about the SMP. This fandom forgets that they are allowed to not like things, and disagree with the CC. I see many post per day saying things like: If CC does this (Insert stupid idea) then we (Their viewers who they have to appease in some way or another) we CANNOT COMPLAIN EVER. Like, no. Have some critical thinking and point out bad when you see it, I know this fandom is capable of it but many suppress critical thinking in this fandom in favor of very weird hive-mind ideas. 

PS4: Dream’s song is not it. I am sorry. 

[limelocked]

I feel like I'm not really an emotional person, but seeing the discourse around c!Dream after the Quackity stream genuinely made me emotional because I keep thinking about how miserable of a situation Dream is in right now. And this is coming from someone who thought Dream got what he deserved in the s2 finale. I mostly thought back then it was justified but now? Now it's just cruelty and I can't see it any other way.

He's been vilified all during the L'Manberg revolution, cut all of his attachments and lost all his friends and any support system he could have had. He's locked in a small room with limited enrichment and only raw potatoes to eat, and he swam in the lava. One of his best friends never visited him, the other has promised to kill him if he ever got out. The cat he had developed an emotional attachment to was punched to death in front of him. He was starved and deprived of visitors by Sam, and implied to have been beaten with a pickaxe, and now Quackity is coming over with even more tools. Puffy has completely abandoned any efforts to reach out to him, and is almost endorsing his torture. The only thing keeping him alive is the knowledge of resurrection, and now he is being tortured daily for it. And that's not going to stop Tommy and Ranboo, who are planning on killing him anyways.

Part of it is probably because Dream is my comfort cc, but seeing the takes celebrating his torture is genuinely making me feel upset, so I'm probably just going to hang around only c!Dream sympathetic blogs for the time being.

TLDR: Dream's prison makes me so sad and literally all I want for him at this point is to Get Out Of There. Also I love your blog

This ask is so so old because I have chronic bad at answering disease but I think about it Constantly

About how dream is still in there

How it only got worse

How I will thank techno as a cc for not wanting to do as much angst because otherwise his character would Also get the psychological fucking torment

its been 145 days

technos count now starts at 7

im also not an emotional person, but i cant help but to feel 

[bumblebwii]

BTS x The Walking Dead C2

Yoonkook Zombie Apocalyse AU

Chapter Two!!

TW//cannibalism, bad moral compasses, reference to insanity and giving up your humanity, JK isn't the nicest bc neither is the apocalypse, its a morally grey story read at your own risk, dead dove do not eat, talks about wounds.

3-4k words.

Jungkook forced down the wail and refused to beg for them to stop as the smell of burning flesh and the sharp pinch of a sewing needle assaulted his senses. He’d done something like this to someone once, cut into their skin and burned the wound, sewed another wound, had enjoyed them screaming and begging for Jungkook to let them live, let them keep their limbs, begged for mercy that Jungkook never gave to them. He refused to be like that. He refused to be the prey. Jungkook was a predator, this was only fuelling his escape plan. He would make them pay. 

Leaning against a bunk bed frame in the cell uncomfortably, Jungkook watched the group of strangers intently, his hands and feet were tied in some uncomfortable plastic twine and the wound on his leg was still untreated, but cleaned and wrapped in a tight tourniquet and bleeding slowly, a day or so later, but he was alive. The bullet was still sitting uncomfortably in his muscles and it was starting to itch in a way that drove Jungkook’s developing insanity wild, he’d reach in and pick it out himself if he had to soon.

Alive and doing his best to ignore the way Yoongi refused to let up on keeping guard of a Jungkook he no longer knew how to trust, Jungkook used his time watching how the group of six scrambled alongside one another to build some kind of plan to get what he needed and leave. Jungkook focused on the way the group worked well together to get Jimin back to fit health in the cell opposite his, he had full view of his brother’s fluctuating health and the skill set of the two surgeons the group had bagged themselves. It was like they’d known each other for years or perhaps tied together by that red string of fate Jungkook’s once naive self had believed in, had forced himself to believe he had found it with his perfect relationship he had with Yoongi. 

Jungkook realised that his older brother had fallen a fool to the belief in that red string, and one had sewn itself into Jimin’s finger and through the calloused pinky finger of the group’s leader. They were in love - not the greatest of things to be during the end of the world - and Jungkook could see that harsh, dislikable exterior of the leader - Namjoon - fall away like butter on a hot knife every time Jimin so much as breathed. 

Jimin was Namjoon’s weakest spot. Good to know. 

Each one of these people held a place in Namjoon’s heart like they were family, Jungkook could see that explicitly in the way he had fussed over Hoseok as the man tried to treat Namjoon’s gunshot wound, but Jimin was different. Jimin was Namjoon’s cliche moment in life, alongside the most beautiful one, they’d kill any man dead before they let any harm come to each other; Jungkook knew he’d have been a dead man in this moment if it wasn’t for whatever Yoongi had convinced the leader to think once he had rendered Jungkook unconscious. 

Namjoon still wanted Jungkook dead, even after a compromise with Seokjin that Jungkook should stay with them as a prisoner, an outsider that they’d pull around like a donkey and use to babysit a healing Jimin. Jimin’s wounds were serious but not fatal, but they meant that Jimin would be out of action for a very long time, he needed someone there to protect him and Seokjin proposed who better to do that than the little brother Jimin loves entirely. The little brother that none of them truly could see beyond the onslaught of memories they had been given. 

It’d been a close call but Jimin had survived and was still doing well a few hours down the line. Jungkook, however, seemed to be doing worse and he needed to get out of here quickly. Stir-crazy and irritated by the bullet in his leg, Jungkook began to fidget. He was going to fish the bullet out himself. He needed to, even if his fingers were crusted with dirt and old blood and god-knows what else sent the whites of his nails black. Sane Jungkook would have been disgusted by the state of his hands, sane Jungkook was what Yoongi used to label a ‘clean-freak’ who cared about appearance and hygiene. Post-sanity, apocalypse-scarred Jungkoook couldn't care less about any of that; he had bigger fish to fry than keeping himself clean, like getting the bullet out of his leg.

Yoongi sat on the floor bedside Jungkook’s cell, chewing the skin of his thumb, staring holes into Jungkook’s head, watching Jungkook with close precision. It was humorous to see Yoongi try to hide his emotions and thoughts from Jungkook, the only one there who had bore full witness to everything Yoongi could possibly offer, Jungkook knew Yoongi like the back of his hand; even if Jungkook had spent months attempting to erase it all from his memory. 

It was annoyingly pleasant to see that the apocalypse had allowed at least just one of them to remain who they once were, Jungkook knew all of Yoongi’s expressions and gestures, he knew every pet peeve and every soft spot, he still knew the way Yoongi’s hair felt and the way he likes his steak cooked. 

“I thought you were dead.” He said suddenly, “I went back for you a few days later, when I could sneak away, and you were gone, I assumed you had turned and accepting that-,”

Jungkook sighed, “save it. Don’t wanna know.”

“Jk,” Yoongi sighed, placing his hwando beside him, rather than keeping it on his lap, “you don’t have to be on the defensive all the time. We’ve put you in a cell for a good reason. If you had been through the shit we’ve been through, you’d understand.” Yoongi leaned backwards, hands laid gently against the cold flooring and his longer hair falling in his right eye as he tilted his head somewhat. Yoongi was a pleasing sight to Jungkook’s brain, handsome face and perfect nature. Jungkook knew that had he not been forced to put every normal and sane thing he had going for him into a burner and set it alight, seeing Yoongi this way would have sent his heart racing and skipping beats into the amber horizon. 

“You say that like I’ve been living the life of Riley.” Jungkook mumbled, tipping his head back against the wall. There was a slight fever itching its way over his skin and suffocating him with a sheen of sweat. There was still a bullet in his leg, hopefully not too deep in the tissue and Jungkook prepared himself to pull it out of his leg. It was unpleasant to be talking to Yoongi about such things, to hear him attempt to paint them all as heroes when such a thing no longer existed. They all had done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. “I’m leaving soon.”

Jungkook certainly was not the innocent bluffing little forget-me-not he was back then, blood stained his hands more prominently than his tattoos did. The apocalypse had killed the Jungkook Yoongi once knew, once loved, Yoongi simply refused to see it, Jungkook could tell. Yoongi was desperately trying to erase the concept that Jungkook had spent the last ten months alone in the end of the world and survived somehow, refusing to see the situation any other way than Jungkook simply running out of that god forsaken store and straight into their prison cell.

Jungkook laughed slightly to himself, it was ironic somehow sitting in a cell, battered and bruised, talking to his long lost love, his long lost piece of sanity, preparing himself to pull a bullet out of his leg. Jungkook was a murderer, he had killed both the living and the walking dead, he had sacrificed many just to stay alive. Jungkook had resorted to cannibalism and malicious villainy in this condemned judgement period. In the normal world, in their seemingly ancient history, Jungkook would have ended up here too, sitting on the cold floor of a prison cell wasting away and repenting for all of his sins.

His character had developed from the flawed hero into the lunatic villain so quickly, but not easily, Jungkook’s descent into this was painful and intense, dragged out by the tugging and throwing of his conscience that Jungkook had pinned to the dirty floor and strangled one lone night after he had to leave a group of young siblings, no older than ten, to fend for themselves and ultimately perish; this world was not built for children. He left them a ration of his food, some preserved leg meat, some pickled vegetables, sugary sweets; it had been hard leaving them to die and forcing cannibalism onto their last dregs of survival, but such was life now-a-days. Tough shit. Jungkook learned to accept it. If he wanted to survive, if they wanted to survive as long as they could, then it was the toughest shit life could throw at their heads, societal do’s and don’ts no longer applied; they had to make their own.

After that night, procrastinating the end, at some point, it became fun and games, there were scattered marbles in his head and he loved scrambling around and scattering them further. Staying alive meant losing your mind and killing it if it ever snuck up on you again. Fucking with people through the end of the world became a game, Jungkook a vicious cat and those passing by him feeble, helpless mice.

“Leave?” It was a challenge, “don’t be foolish, Jk. It’ll be better for everyone if you just stay, you’ll have a better survival rate and Min won’t have to lose his little brother twice. Please, Jungkook, cooperate and just stay with us.”

Jungkook laughed, a loud and dark sound, a hollow reflection of the sound he knew Yoongi used to love to hear. “Better survival rate?” Jungkook raised his head slowly to look Yoongi right in his eyes, “what? You think I’ve survived this past year off just dumb luck, Yoongi?” Yoongi shrugged, bottom lip creased and pulled in an awkward angle so he could chew the inside of it. Jungkook shuffled over to the door of the cell. 

“You always were the lucky type. Reckless and winging your way through life. The end of the world only proved to let you do that more.”

Jungkook laughed even louder at that. Sure, he had bluffed the first handful of months and it almost got him killed. He did not make that mistake again. The others looked over at the cell up one his loud outburst. “Yeah, dumb luck.”

Jungkook had always been smart, he was cunning and sly when he wanted to be; always had been, the apocalypse had done nothing to that except blacken it with rot and negativity. He had done a 180º personality spin, no longer using his life to be carefree and sweet, his slyness was no longer like that of a puppy, that was used to trick Yoongi into thinking he had forgotten his birthday, only to surprise the older man with his favourite cake and lavish gifts. No, now he was nothing but a serpent, fooling people into trusting him or underestimating him so he could take as much advantage as possible when the time came and poison them into a painful death at the end of it.    

“Your sweet Jungkookie surviving against the odds and coming back to you is just simply a miracle, hm?” Jungkook was being patronising but the way Yoongi’s body slumped and the way tears welled in his eyes told Jungkook everything he needed to know. Yoongi did not feel patronised, in fact, he felt the opposite, so self-convinced that Jungkook was unchanged, that his existence was exactly a miracle, that having it spoken into existence pooled out into uncontrollable reactions. “You want me to stay so you can shift the guilt of what happened, you want to make sure you don’t lose me twice, right?”

“I grieved you, Jungkook. I grieved you so intensely. Ten - no eleven years together and all that was left of you was your blood stained jacket that you always refused to part with. I went back for you, I did, but you were gone.” Jungkook had no idea what jacket Yoongi was talking about, the information was not important enough to remember, but Jungkook played along. “I-, I thought you had turned!” The guilt of it all crashed down on Yoongi. Jungkook felt amused, seeing the man he once loved crumble in his hand, disillusioned by grief and relief, unalert to the danger lurking in the shadows, unaware of the hideous, evil monster feeding off of Jungkook’s soul, hissing and growling, snarling out a victorious laughter as Yoongi lifted a calloused hand to show Jungkook the rings on his fingers, one had belonged to Jungkook in another life and Jungkook had forgotten about the accessory until now, the other similar looking one, that was Yoongi’s they had bought the rings and unofficially married one another in their little living room over some greasy lamb skewers and beer. “You haven’t changed. Still doe-eyed and innocent.”

Jungkook sighed, feigned a joy he discarded a long time ago and let himself lean into the hand. The rest of them were back to pottering around but they were still listening, regarding the reunion with apprehension. “I never lost hope in finding you both. Even as the walkers brought me to my lowest points, even as I had to lose myself and do awful things; the two of you were my motivation to keep going, to keep my humanity. I had to find you.” Jungkook lied, crocodile tears wavering in his voice, “you have no idea how relieved I was to see you again.” Jungkook shuffled and his false happiness morphed into a sharp glare, there was a shooting pain, ironically, spreading over his leg and it turned up the heat in his fever; Jungkook could not take it anymore.

The bullet was irritating, burning him as if it could feel how deep his lies were and Jungkook half growled at himself and startled Yoongi slightly. Jungkook’s wrists were bound together in a cross, his right and dominant hand was face up and Jungkook opened and closed his hand quickly, moving over to the wound in his leg, “God, this bullet is pissing me off. Get out!” Jungkook just needed to do it, get over himself and pull out the bullet like it was but a splinter, only it was going to hurt beyond belief, and healing was probably going to be a nightmare, “I don’t care! It’ll heal. I know, I know it’ll hurt, Christ.”

Yoongi called his name in alarm, but Jungkook ignored him as his left hand pulled the wrap away from the wound, Jungkook groaned, groan morphing into a soft crying grunt as his fingers broke the surface of his wound and dug around for the bullet. Jungkook blocked out everything around him, determined to get the metal out of his flesh. There was blood spilling everywhere, it spread over Jungkook’s dirty hands quickly, even though only his index and middle finger were rooting around, his thumb idly stuck in his thigh awaiting its chance to pinch the pesky piece of metal and pull it out of his leg. Jungkook’s eyes were fighting the urge to roll back in pain, his leg twitched and flinched as the damaged and exposed nerves were prodded and pinched and Jungkook was sure he was shouting but he could not be sure, it could just be in his head.

He found the bullet. Pinching it and pulling it out pulled a loud, low pitched shout from his throat, a growl of agony gravelling it and Jungkook panted as the metal broke free from his leg. The relief was short lived, many hands pulling at Jungkook, removing his hands from the wound on his leg and pinning him down to the floor, “are you fucking insane?” Someone screamed at him, “stop it! Stop it! We’ll help you, you just have to stop! Tie his ties to the bed.” The bullet was clasped in his fist and Jungkook kept trying to fight them off. He did not need their help.

Namjoon’s face came into Jungkook’s vision, twine in his hands and a harsh pull at Jungkook’s bloodied hands, he looked young, older than Jungkook, but young in the face, innocent almost, but Jungkook knew better, Namjoon was cold hearted and rude, Namjoon had tried to kill Jungkook on more than one occasion. Jungkook did his best to fight all of the hands off of him, he managed to kick someone at his feet and headbutt Namjoon’s chin. Jungkook shoved aside the headache and sickness that fell onto him after the headbutt, taking the way those holding onto him reared back momentarily and let go of him, to scramble off of the bed and for the open cell door, it was hard to do injured and tied up but Jungkook would be damned if he did not at least try. He made it out of the cell, but paused at the cold lick of a blade against his neck.

“Jungkook, stop!” Yoongi pleaded, hwando drawn and pointed at Jungkook. “Just stop. How are we supposed to trust you when you keep pulling stunts like this?!”

“I got the bullet out myself, I don’t need any of you. I’m leaving, Yoongi. Leaving before he tries to kill me again.”  Jungkook was grabbed again and the hands that held him were successful in taking him back into the cell and tying him down. 

“Leaving. Right.” A thumb pressed into the wound on Jungkook’s leg as he was pinned down onto the mattress and he let out a startled yelp, “If I wanted to kill you, I would have. Sit still and let them fix this.” Namjoon said furiously into Jungkook’s ear and Jungkook, hands tied above his head tightly and legs wrapped up so tightly in twine that he thought they would fall off, had no choice but to spit into Namjoon’s face in retaliation. “Keep him awake.”

“Joon-ah, he-,”

“Shut up, Yoongi. Keep him awake and make it hurt.” Namjoon wiped his face with a rag and exited the cell quietly and left them in a tense atmosphere. 

“I got the bullet out! See!” Jungkook opened his hand and showed the room his offending item. They could leave him to heal. 

Someone sighed deeply before politely delegating instructions, Jungkook simply watched them in offence, they were ignoring him. 

“I got the bullet-,”

“I know!” Someone snapped, “but you’ve got god knows what on your hands, we need to clean it and monitor you for any… changes.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes, “I’m not stupid enough to keep walker blood on my hands. All this is human blood.”

The two beside Jungkook ignored him, readying their equipment and they began their cleaning process. Jungkook thought it was good for their benefit that he had been tied tightly to the bed because he knew that if his hands or feet were free he would have hit whoever was cleaning his wound, or maybe outright strangled them for causing him so much pain. He’d have hurt them and would have refused to have mercy. 

Jungkook forced down the wail and refused to beg for them to stop as the smell of burning flesh and the sharp pinch of a sewing needle assaulted his senses. He’d done something like this to someone once, cut into their skin and burned the wound, sewed another wound, had enjoyed them screaming and begging for Jungkook to let them live, let them keep their limbs, begged for mercy that Jungkook never gave to them. He refused to be like that. He refused to be the prey. Jungkook was a predator, this was only fuelling his escape plan. He would make them pay. 

“He’s gonna need blood.” Seokjin mumbled, “Yoongi, go and get Namjoon. You said they have the same blood type once, right? Good, go and get him.”

“Get fucked.” Jungkook said, the two words slurred and his head spun, the fever he had been sporting only seemed to get worse and Jungkook felt like he was cooking from the inside out. “You’re not putting that bastard’s blood in me.”

“Then die.” Seokjin shrugged, sitting back and glaring at Jungkook, “Yoongi’s not gonna let you refuse.”

“Fuck Yoongi. He has no auton-auton… omy.” Jungkook said slowly, the outside world fading in and out, as the pain dominated his brain. 

“Namjoon sit there and give Taehyung your arm. Now.”

“Stay alive juss’o can kill you for this. Hurts like a bitch.” Jungkook huffed, half delirious.

Namjoon laughed, looking at Jungkook’s face amused, “hanging in there, buddy?”

“Do one… buddy.” Jungkook mocked angrily, “make you watch.” Jungkook huffed, plotting all of the ways he could make each one of them pay for putting Jungkook through all of this. Jungkook had just wanted to make it to Busan mountains and live in solitude, farming whatever he could, away from the dead, away from the living, to live and die on his own terms, at his own pace. He did not want to be here, tied to a prison bed, being operated on. Jungkook would farm them first, he thought. The six of them would be his meat preserves for a while, until he found a suitable land for his vegetables.

“Like you’d have the balls to kill something.” Namjoon rolled his eyes as Seokjin placed a needle into his arm. Jungkook scowled at Namjoon. “I remember him the first day we met. He was scared of his own fucking shadow.”

Seokjin placed the needle into Jungkook’s arm and the transfusion started. Jungkook made eye contact with Yoongi, the older man smiled genuinely, probably fooling himself into thinking Jungkook was still his, because like dying, human’s often could never accept losing those they held close to their heart and they always, always refused to accept change.

It was Jungkook’s turn to laugh, a maniacal but thoroughly entertained sound, it was the most awake he had felt since they had cut into his leg, but he could feel the strings of exhaustion begin to drag him under. “Idiot.” Jungkook’s voice was hoarse and drowsy, eyes staying locked onto Yoongi’s eyes, although his vision was blurry and his eyelids felt heavy each time he blinked. The room was silent and weighed a tonne, “people are inherently evil when competition for survival is presented to them.” Jungkook shrugged, “after you so graciously tried to kill me, never let anyone else get chance. Survived this long off of more than just dumb luck. Even put the dead bodies to good use.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hoseok asked, cautious and stern by Jungkook’s feet. He laughed softly but remained silent, eyes flickering to the underside of the top bunk. It was dirty and dingy and held the secrets of hundreds of prisoners. “Hey! What’s that supposed to fucking mean?!”

“I wonder what kind of criminal lived here, in this bed.” Jungkook mused, aware of the exchanging of looks between one another. Aware that there were thousands of words spoken in the silence. 

Jungkook needed to keep his cards close to his chest, they needed to be unaware of just how dangerous he was to let him live, but aware of how much he had changed to keep him at an arm’s length so that they could not peek behind Jungkook’s crimson curtain. Escaping would be just another game to Jungkook. Something he could take time with, something he could use for a laugh. He had all the time in the world to get to the mountains, he should at least have fun. Jungkook would be a wolf in sheep’s clothing just so that his final move could dig the knife in deeper. Jungkook had long since had his blanched feathers blackened by the soot of the apocalypse, but for now, the black swan would remain hidden in the lake’s reflection and he would swim around their little gaggle washed in an off-white, almost grey haze. Just so Jungkook can reap the joy of watching them slowly realise what lurks beneath the surface.

Jeon Jungkook was dead, they just didn’t know it yet, Jeon Jungkook was the walking dead, a creature much, much worse than the hordes of corpses they could fight off because Jungkook was multidimensional, Jungkook had ulterior motives. 

[whump-a-la-mode]

Villainsicle | Part 13

I know it’s been a while, and if I’m being completely honest, I really ran out of steam on this story for a while. But, we’re back! If you’re new to my blog and are interested in this story, all of the parts up to this one can be found linked in my pinned info post.

Thank you guys so much for all your support of this series so far! I hope you enjoy this part, too!

Taglist:

@whatwhumpcomments

@sola-whumping

@professional-idiocy

@trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room

@literally-just-kirby​

@the-polari-person

@teachunks

@daydreamed-snippets-2nd-blog

@sunflower1000

@lightdrinker-blog

@regalwritten

CW//Mentions of bathing, restraints, drugs, dehumanization, conspiracies, collars, talk of diseases, talk of falling, Stockholm syndrome, affectionate caretaker, conditioned whumpee

After their bath, Villain rested.

It wasn’t exactly how Counselor had imagined the whole affair going. Villain had already spent so many days resting, laid up in that same bed, but once they were clean and settled into fresh clothes, they had requested nothing except to be able to return to sleep.

They supposed it wasn’t entirely unexpected. While the bath hadn’t exactly been physically exerting, there had been several instances during it that Villain had nearly burst out in tears. Whatever was going through their mind, it was undeniably intense-- and that wasn’t even mentioning the heavy dose of sedatives coursing through their system.

And, thus, Villain slept. They were unconscious almost immediately upon hitting the mattress.

This time, however, there was no nervous twitching to accompany their unconsciousness. Instead, for the first time, their face showed a perfectly placid expression.

Taking care not to wake the sleeping patient, Counselor draped a fleece blanket overtop of them, tucking its edges in around their shoulders. They twitched, but did not awake. A moment later, they buried their face in the fabric.

Counselor had never before imagined that Villain was even capable of existing in such a calm state. Yet, here they were, looking for all the world as though not even an earthquake could wake them up.

Their gaze flicked to the bedrails. Upon returning to their bed, Villain had not so much as seemed to note the leather-and-foam restraints hanging there.

Yet, Counselor could not draw their gaze away from them.

Villain had been staying in the base for weeks, phasing through various states of aggression and fear and sickness and, on rare occasions, hesitant happiness. But, even after all that time, no one truly knew anything about them.

At least, Counselor knew nothing about them. Based on the way Leader and Medic’s expressions twisted when the prisoner was mentioned, it was clear that the both of them knew more than they were letting on-- but neither was keen to admit as to such.

Maybe Hero had had more luck on this information gathering mission.

But how much information was there really to gather? Officially, Villain had simply appeared on stage a few months ago, alongside two unknowns. More or less, they had acted just as any other villain did.

The other villains, however, had motives. Backstories. They were following orders.

Villain... If anyone on the outside cared about them, they had yet to risk any sort of jailbreak.

There was more to this than the official story, Counselor knew that full well. How much more... as to that, they had no idea.

But they had no need to rely on second hand accounts and official reports to know what Villain was. That much was obvious. They were a villain. Whatever their backstory, whatever their past, they were dangerous.

Right?

Counselor’s gaze drifted back to those restraints. Those simple straps, dangling from a metal bedframe.

At some point, Villain may have been dangerous. But not right now. Right now, they needed help, and that was exactly what Counselor was going to give them.

And, if they wanted that plan to go anywhere, they would have to start with the doctor who harmed their own patient.

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This time, when Medic answered the knocking on their door, their glasses were on the right way around. They blinked a few times, rubbing their eyes, hardly noting as the piping hot cup of coffee was pushed into their hands.

The doctor glanced down at the beverage before looking back up to meet their visitor’s gaze.

“I thought you wanted me to sleep.”

“Well, that was before. For now, we need to talk.”

“If this is decaf again, I swear I’m going to strangle you.”

“It’s not. Though the same threat applies to you if you try to go back to the med bay.”

“I’m a doctor. In fact, I’m our only doctor.”

“I’m a doctor, too.”

“Psychology doesn’t count.”

“Fair enough.”

“If we’re done threatening each other, then, would you care to, I don’t know, tell me why you’re bothering me?”

“As I said, we need to talk.”

“Do I even need to ask what about?”

“I think you already know that. Come on. You have your coffee, so there’s no excuses.”

“You really think I’m going to be that penitent about this?”

“Maybe.”

Medic rolled their eyes, but did not protest any further as Counselor turned and walked off. The two moved to a rather isolated table, tucked away in the corner of a hallway. The cafeteria was far too crowded at the moment to host such a discussion.

On opposite sides of the table, the opposites sat. Two cups of coffee clinked down on the wooden surface.

Counselor took a sip of their drink, placing the cup back down and raising their gaze. Medic frowned, lips turning downwards even further than usual.

“What, are we planning on talking through telepathy or- Come on, Counselor, stop looking at me like that. I hate that.”

“Then are you going to say anything?”

“I can’t read your mind.”

“You said you knew what this was about.”

“Maybe.” Medic shrugged dismissively. The doctor had been horribly standoffish, ever since Villain had been captured. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to start trying to guess your thoughts.”

Counselor took another sip.

“Fine, then. I can start.” Sip. Clink. “Villain told me something very interesting, earlier.”

“You really believe them?”

“I haven’t even said it yet.”

“Then stop wasting time, maybe.”

“Villain says that you’re making them sick.”

Medic’s brows furrowed.

“That’s what they said?”

“Pretty much verbatim, yes.”

“Well.” Medic took a hesitant drink of their coffee. “I don’t know why you’re even wasting your time on a notion like that. What they are is paranoid. I don’t doubt that they think I’m making them sick. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“You’re saying that your patient is lying.”

“Maybe not lying. That would imply that they know what they’re saying is not true. They are sick, I will not deny that. And they are not responding to treatment. I can’t say that anything I’ve tried so far has made it any better, but it certainly hasn’t made it worse.”

“Why would they believe such a thing without reason?”

Medic exhaled.

“Because, in Villain’s mind, they do have reason. They have a child’s understanding of medicine. They are sick, and they are under my care and taking my medicines, and thus, in their mind, one of these things has caused the other.”

Counselor cast their gaze downwards, focusing on the way their milk danced its way through the black beverage before them. It was a reasonable explanation. Maybe. They may not have trusted Medic, but they trusted Medic’s abilities as a doctor.

Could Villain really be wrong?

“If they’re wrong...” Counselor began again. “Then what is making them sick? Their incident with hypothermia was weeks ago, now. It can’t still be that?”

“I doubt the two are connected. If this was all a matter of post-hypothermic reactions, then we wouldn’t be seeing these kinds of symptoms.”

“What is it, then?”

Medic bit their bottom lip.

“That’s the problem. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? They’ve been in your care for... well over a week, now.”

“You think I don’t know that? If you haven’t noticed, I’m the world’s leading expert on Enhanced biology. Not to mention, y’know, an experienced doctor for normal humans. Whatever this is, it’s not a normal sickness. I’ve done every test I can think of.”

“And... it’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

“Not as badly as you might be fearing. Their weakness is worsening, yes, as is their general mental state. But their vitals are fine. They’re not in serious danger of anything, so long as they don’t hurt themself.”

“You think they’d do that?”

“Given just how bad their confusion has been getting? I’m already putting preventative measures in place.”

“Oh.”

Medic raised a brow.

“You thought I restrained them for no reason? I’m not Leader. There are medical regulations about this sort of thing.”

“They’ve been hurting themself?”

“Not what you may be thinking of. But with how bad their weakness has grown, they can’t exactly stand up without aid, at the current moment. Forget walking. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have realized this.”

“They’ve fallen?”

“A few times, yes. If that is all, I was really just starting to enjoy my day off, so-”

“Wait.” Counselor shook their head. “People don’t get sick for no reason.”

“Congrats, you know a basic medical fact.”

“You know what I mean. You’re the smartest person I know. You must have, I don’t know, a theory? A hypothesis? Anything?”

Medic blinked, placing down their cup.

“I do. Though right now, I have no way of proving it.”

“What is it?”

“Villain has what we call... psionic powers. Powers that affect only a person’s brain, but not their physical body. It’s the rarest type of power, oftentimes because something you can’t see is often something you can’t detect. Thus, this group of powers is poorly understood, to say the least. But I’m sure you know what power fatigue looks like for other Enhanced.”

“Like when Hero broke their leg?” Counselor guessed.

“Yes. The simple act of overexerting ones powers, even without outside injury, can cause physical injuries like that to develop.”

“You think Villain’s having power fatigue?”

“It’s my best guess. It would check all the boxes. An undetectable illness affecting the brain, but nothing else. A never before seen condition.”

“But... is it something you can cure?”

“I can’t cure tiredness.” Medic shook their head. “That’s really not how it works. I can do my best to counteract the symptoms, but so long as the source is still there, I’d be fighting uphill.”

“Then what can you do?”

“I can remove the source.” The tiniest smirk crept onto the doctor’s countenance. “Power fatigue is caused not by using ones powers, but using them in a way that the body cannot handle. At least, as far as we can tell. If Villain can control their powers enough, their symptoms should go away.”

“You really think so?”

“I hesitate to guarantee anything. Not with how poorly understood the condition is.” That smirk fell, replaced by Medic’s resting expression of annoyance. “But training them to use their powers properly is the only way I can see them getting any better.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. I’m also sure that I would really like to go back to my quarters. If you’re done bothering me?”

Counselor bit their tongue.

“Fine.”

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Counselor had momentarily considered returning to their own quarters, but had quickly decided against it, instead turning to the kitchen. They had yet to eat that morning, as had Villain. They figured that a warm meal might help them shake off the sedatives.

And, maybe, some food would make Counselor’s own stomach stop twisting.

They only made it halfway to the kitchen, however, when in the hallway, they nearly slammed into Hero. The two both yelped, and a slosh of Counselor’s coffee slopped to the floor.

“Shit, sorry, are you okay?” Hero asked. There was considerable nerve in their voice.

Counselor nodded. “You just started me, ‘s all.” They glanced down at the spilling coffee now sitting on the tile floor. “I’ll, uh, get that later. I was just heading to the kitchen.”

“Oh. Um, could it wait?”

“I need to bring Villain something to eat.”

“Can it wait?”

“What-”

Counselor’s gaze drifted to Hero’s twitching hand.

“You have something?”

“Mhm. I don’t think it’s going to take very long.”

“Can I see?”

“Not here. Not with everyone else around.”

Counselor raised their brows quizzically, but nodded.

“To your quarters, then?”

“I guess that’s as good of a place as any.”

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As soon as Counselor was out of sight, Medic changed their trajectory.

The musty air that filled their lab acted on them like a drug, sending a calm shiver down their spine. If they had the day off (or if they were being forced to take it off), there was no way they were going to spend that precious little free time moping in their quarters. Not when they could be here.

They sat, the memory foam of their desk chair still molded to their form. The laptop before them booted up with a familiar chirp and bright pink screensaver, written upon in white text:

“Property of Organization. Unauthorized Use Is Unlawful.” 

The grainy selection of videos blinked before them, and they selected the next one in the series. Even if they didn’t have access to their Asset at the current moment, they could at the very least work ahead.

The screen fizzled to life in all its low-definition glory, displaying a familiar room, its walls plastered with protective black rubber, and its tile floor made of the same material.

The presenter wore a bandage on their face, covering the side of their jaw. The gauze warped as they smiled, but they seemed to make no note of it.

Beside them, the presenter’s own Asset stood. The muzzle around their face had been modified, its metal warped as to compress its wearer’s jaw, to the point that even breathing was an impossibility.

Extreme, perhaps, but based on the Asset’s behavior, it was warranted.

Though their movements were weak and unbalanced, they were persistent, not ceasing yanking against their leash for the slightest moment. This time, unlike before, the presenter seemed to be paying attention to them, though they did not seem worried.

“It has been some time since we last spoke.” They began. “I apologize for the delay, but, hopefully, it will not happen again. After all, training our Assets is a full time job.”

A smile. Cheerful, stretching their cheeks.

“Unfortunately, I must report that the recent delay we experienced was as a result of my own Asset lashing out. This was unfortunate, but it made me realize that there is a flaw in my training methods. A flaw I seek to instruct you, today, on how to remedy.

One advantage we trainers have is that we have 24/7 access to our Assets. As we take care of them, we can choose to meet their needs in whatever way we see fit.

Deprivation has always been a part of Asset training, since we pioneered our methods. But it was something I, unfortunately and unwisely, neglected. And I have done you all a disservice by not mentioning it to you.

In order for training to truly take effect, there must be room in an Asset’s mind for it to fit. A reason for them to follow. Fear, certainly, is this reason, but there are other aspects to control.

Following my Asset’s incident, we have been working using these methods of deprivation. Depriving your Asset of things such as nutrients, water, and sleep can significantly speed up and solidify your training. In this lesson, we will go over this, and how it can help you improve your training methods.”

The presenter’s smile was matched by their Asset’s wicked snarl. From the corners of their mouth, licks of flame emerged, just for the slightest moment.

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Hero handled the flash drive as though it were a bomb.

Perhaps it was, if the writing on the device was at all to be believed. Scrawled on in sharpie, a hastily written yet well received warning.

“Property of Organization. Unauthorized Use Is Unlawful.” 

As if Organization cared about the law.

Hero seated themself in their office chair, leaving Counselor to sit a few feet back, on their bed. They almost flinched, plugging the flashdrive into their laptop.

For a moment, the computer hummed, before it reported chipperly that new files had been added.

“Uh, Hero?”

“Yeah?”

“Where did you get this thing?”

“Leader gave it to me.”

“Did they say what it was.”

Hero shook their head. “That’s what we’re about to find out.”

Still moving terribly nervously, Hero opened the folder that the computer had created for these ‘new files.’

“It’s... videos.”

“Videos?”

“A couple of them, yeah.”

“Should we... play them?”

“I don’t- I don’t know. I mean, if Organization is involved, I’m not sure I want to know what’s on them.”

“It could help Villain.”

Hero sighed, dipping their head.

“I hate when you’re right.”

With deft fingers, they selected the first video.

It had been so long, since any of them had seen Traitor. More than that, it had been so long since any of them had seen Traitor smile.

And yet, that was what they were doing. Grinning, ear to ear, eyes locked upon the camera.

“Hello, everyone, and welcome to the second edition of the Asset Training Video Course. If you are confused, the first edition of this series was, unfortunately, cut short due to... an incident. We will all miss our last presenter, but that does not mean that our duties can be shirked.”

Traitor turned, looking offscreen, calling:

“Veni huc.”

The language the words were in was clearly not English, but the person who moved on-screen did not seem concerned by that fact.

Villain smiled as well, though their warm gaze had an inquisitive quality to it as they regarded the camera. A chain-link collar was arranged about their neck, but it was attached to nothing, and seemed to more or less hang limply.

“For this series, I will be demonstrating all you need to know about Asset training. This, here, is my own Asset, Cadet. As you can tell, they are very well trained, if I do say so myself. They will be helping me show you how to train your own assigned Asset.”

Traitor’s hand reached for Villain, who did not flinch a moment. Their hand ruffled Villain’s hair affectionately.

Villain smiled, and leaned into the touch.

[shinidamachu]

I haven't watched anything after ATLA, but I was shocked to find out that Zuko and Mai don't work out. What are your thoughts? Do you think the writers could have gone in a different direction or was it for the best?

I gotta be honest, you're not missing out much by not engaging with the extras. I only watched Legend of Korra and I don't really remember Mai even being mentioned on it.

They did give Zuko a daughter, though. Her name is Izumi. And even though they never explicitly revealed the mother to be Mai (or what was made of her), I just assumed she was the mother due to the remarkable resemblance:

Now, I haven't read the comics (nor will I ever), so if you're actually refering to them, my knowledge is very limited. But it is my understanding, from the metas I've read about them, that Zuko and Mai break up and make up, as it was their modus operandi in ATLA.

Mai not being around in LOK doesn't necessarily mean she's dead or that they broke up for good. The fate of their relationship was purposefully left open and they do end up together at the end of ATLA, so what happens after doesn't really matter since not everybody takes the comics or LOK as canon, anyway.

Now, since you asked for my opinion... I wasn’t shocked to find out about how they were portraying Maiko in the comics at all. First, because Bryke suck at writing romance. Second, because from the interactions in ATLA, this was more or less what I imagined their relationship would play out and that’s why I never shipped them.

MAIKO CRITICISM UNDER THE CUT!

The writers should have gone in a different direction, but in the ATLA finale. I love Zuko. And I love Mai. But I don’t like them as a couple because I think they are not fitted for each other. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a Zutara shipper, let’s get this out of the way right here, right now.

I’m saying this because I would rather they had ended up alone than together. Not only them, but Aang and Katara as well. They were all so young I feel like there wouldn’t be any harm for the story if no couples were canonized. 

Especially because, again: Bryke suck at writing love stories (with the notable exceptions being Yukka and Sukka) and romance was actually the less compelling part of ATLA.

More than that, if Zuko and Mai had to end up with a love interest, it shouldn’t have been each other because Maiko is actually a disservice to their characters. In some aspects, it keeps Mai from growing and it regresses Zuko's development.

You see, their relationship always struck me as something they would eventually grow out of. Don’t get me wrong, I have no doubt they really cared about each other. But the narrative went out of its way to show us that the years they spent apart changed their dynamic fundamentally.

Mai and (especially) Zuko aren’t the same people they were when they first met. And when they finally reunited, no real effort was made to learn who was this new person in fron of them. He tried to open up, but she shut him down. 

Instead of reconnecting, of deepening the relationship, they insisted on jumping head first into dating and picked things up where they left off, desperatelly trying to cling to what they knew and forcing two pieces of a different puzzle to click. Of course it wouldn’t work.

The person Zuko became needed someone passionate by his side. Someone he could open up to and confide in. Someone with the same sense of honor, of justice. Someone who understood him and his actions, who got how important it is for him to take the throne and right the wrongs of his country. Someone he could count on to help him get there. I guess we can all agree that this doesn’t sound like Mai.

The person Mai became needed someone who would focus on her and her needs for once. Someone who would have made her a priority. Someone who could actually see past her poker face. Someone who would take her away from the boring royal stuff she hates so much. I guess we can all agree that this doesn’t sound like Zuko, either.

When he took off to join the Gaang, he left the life style he had always known behind because it didn’t fit who he was anymore. He can’t go back from that. And this includes Mai. She is the personification of that life. And as much as they liked each other, being together just doesn’t make sense anymore. Especially because becoming Fire Lady inevitably traps her in the life she was trying to get away from. It’s one of the worst endings they could have given to these characters.

And the way it was executed? Even worse. They reconciled without as much as a conversation about what happened: his “betrayal”, the end of the war, what it means for their relationship, if their feelings were still the same. In fact, apparently Zuko kind of... completely forgot she was in prison and made no move to get her out because he had been too busy fighting Azula and taking lightning to the chest for Katara.

Mai isn’t even a part of the apotheosis of his arc. He got where he needed to be and she wasn’t one of the characters who activelly help him get there. This is very symbolic. And the apotheosis of her arc? Was saving him from Azula, but she didn’t did it because she understood his reasons and wanted to be supportive. She did it because he is the guy she likes. Which is fine, but not enough to “award” her with Zuko. There were feelings there, but they were never on the same page.

“Mai Alone,” is what she deserved. To travel the world on her own. A different place every day. Never the same, always moving. Maybe that way she would have seen the things Zuko did. Maybe this way she would have understood. And after tasting freedom, she would have realized she would have never want to be confined to palace walls ever again. Not for Zuko, not for anybody.

She would have been much happier as the first woman in the White Lotus or as a Bounty Hunter. A spy who, after seeing what the Fire Nation did to the world, finally found her calling by working on the shadows to make sure nothing will break the peace the Avatar and the Fire Lord managed to achieve.

And Zuko deserved the family he always wanted, with a partner who would not only put up with the political duties, but would have been thrilled to do so. Katara seems like the obvious choice here, but even Jin would have been a better fit.

Sometimes things aren’t meant to be and that’s okay. Zuko and Mai work better as friends.

[delicioussshame]

Posting next part of sugar AU before going to bed; we’ll see if I still hate it tomorrow.

Luo Binghe had always hoped for this, had always known he’d have it some day, but all his waiting couldn’t prepare him for how happy having Shen-laoshi makes him.

It does make his mornings even harder. He had grown to resent Shen-laoshi’s tendency to rise late, but now that waking him up with wandering hands or a ravenous mouth could be on the table, it’s even worse. Luo Binghe would love to start his day with the taste of Shen Yuan lingering in his mouth and his moans fresh in his mind. Sadly, Shen Yuan doesn’t quite approve. The one time Luo Binghe tried, Shen Yuan had barely managed to keep his eyes open for a few seconds before falling back to sleep. Really, how had he managed to go to work like this?

By suffering from chronic lack of sleep. The lifestyle definitely hadn’t suited him. His current situation is just so much better in every way. Luo Binghe will certainly relish watching students return to class, knowing his laoshi won’t be accompanying them.

Not for now, at least. He’s not quite sure what Shen Yuan is planning for his own future. He doesn’t think his teacher has accepted him fully yet. Shen-laoshi is probably still thinking things through, considering whether to look for another job or returning to school.

Since Luo Binghe himself now has Shen Yuan in his house, in his bed and away from the high school he refuses to call his, he finds himself willing to be patient on this particular aspect. He will, instead, focus his campaign on another, probably more delicate, front. “The literature division is holding its executive retreat in two weeks. I’m expected to show up for a formal dinner.”

Shen Yuan lifts his eyes from the book he’s reading and winces. “I’m sorry Binghe has to deal with this.”

Shen-laoshi, thank you for the hook. “It would be much easier if Shen-laoshi were to accompany me.”

“No it wouldn’t. The pain of trying to explain away my presence would far outweigh its benefits.”

“What is there to explain? Executives are allowed to bring their significant other. So would I.”

Shen Yuan returns to his book. “Very funny.”

There is nothing funny with his request? “How is it funny?”

“Like Binghe could introduce me as his significant other.”

“Why not?”

Shen Yuan puts the book down on the table and gives him an incredulous look. “Do you want to tear your reputation to shreds? I don’t have anything against you being attracted to men, but I’m not the majority. It will hurt your business, and by extension, your employees’ livelihood. Not to mention any chance of me working in education ever again. It’s unfair, I know, but Binghe cannot make his preference public.”

Luo Binghe blinks, confused. “I don’t care about any of this? My first priority will always be Laoshi. Why would I care about how he affects the conglomerate? As long as it still generates enough money to support Shen-laoshi as he should be supported, which it will, even a huge hit would still leave me with more money than anyone would ever need, I don’t care what happens to it.”

“Binghe, you’d be the front page of every magazine, every website, every news show. Your life would be exposed to the public, every single moment scrutinised and published for all to see. So would mine, and that’s if someone doesn’t get into their head that I must have abused you when you were a minor, in which case I could be jailed. It’s not a question of caring. You cannot do this.”

“Shen-laoshi would never have taken advantage of me! He couldn’t even tell I had a crush on him!” No one would ever believe something this ridiculous!

“That doesn’t matter. Binghe, I gave you a lot of attention. You remained after class so many times I cannot remember all of them. Everyone knew you were my favorite student. Look at it from the outside. How could you explain you, stunningly handsome and just as rich, choosing me, a no-name teacher with neither of those qualities, beside the fact that I groomed you? At best, I’ll be labelled a pervert and a degenerate. You can’t tell anyone you don’t trust. You’d be ruining your life.”

Luo Binghe had always known that their marriage might not ever be recognised. He had been fine with going abroad to get married, and had already set up a few shell corporations to finance legal challenges to the current definition of marriage, but he knew the chances of those challenges succeeding were slim.

In the end, it didn’t really matter. The commitment did. He had lawyers ready to set up the legal situation as close to marriage as it could be as soon as Shen Yuan agreed to it.

He’d never considered he would have to keep their relationship private, especially not forever. He has nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, he wants to brag! Who wouldn’t be jealous of him?

But if it’s going to make his laoshi’s life this much harder, to the point that prison was a possibility…

The prospect is too terrifying to contemplate. “We can move.”

“I’m sorry?”

That’s a good idea! “If we live elsewhere, somewhere where it’s not an issue, it wouldn’t matter as much!” And it’s not like another country would care that Shen-Yuan used to be his teacher! How would they know?

“And you would manage your inherited, incredibly complex conglomerate from there? Your board is going to love this.”

“And I should care because?”

“This is ridiculous. Binghe needs to think those things through instead of living in a fantasy where everything works out perfectly! He needs to think about his position before he jeopardises it! And he needs to think about his legacy before throwing everything away for a man! Don’t you want children?”

“If Laoshi wants some, we can adopt or arrange for a surrogate. It’s not an issue.” He bets Shen-laoshi’s children would be adorable. Luo Binghe would never leave them alone.

“Your fellow socialites would never accept it!”

This is really quite a pointless fight. “Again, I could not care less. I’ve never wanted their approval, and I don’t need it. The only approval I’ve ever wanted is yours. You must have felt something similar, since you gave this world up to work the job you wanted.”

“It’s not the same thing! I didn’t, nor would I ever have, your status! I wasn’t even my parents’ heir! I have three other siblings! They didn’t need me around. Your corporation has no one but you to rely on.”

“It’s just a corporation. If it bothers you so much, I could easily sell all my shares, step down from my post and live off the wealth for the rest of our life.” It would have the advantage of leaving him with nothing but time to take care of his laoshi.

It would also feel like failure. He worked so hard to make himself into the kind of man his laoshi could be proud of, the result of his constant efforts. Giving it all up would leave a bad taste in his mouth.

He would still do it in a heartbeat if his laoshi requested it of him.

“That’s not what I…” Shen Yuan rises from the couch, walking around the room hurriedly. “I think I’ll never understand why you do what you do. Surely I’m not worth it. My family certainly wouldn’t think so.”

He wouldn’t say it, because he knows it wouldn’t go down well, but one of the reasons Luo Binghe had looked forward to going public had been to rub in said family’s face their abandoned son’s success.

Now, he just wants to do it more. “For myself, I’ll never understand why Shen-laoshi cannot see his own worth when it’s so evident to me.”

Shen Yuan stops, a barely visible embarrassed flush on his face that instantly distracts Luo Binghe from this unpleasant conversation. “Binghe can’t say things like that just to change the subject.”

He snorts. “I wasn’t. It’s just true. Maybe if I keep telling Shen-laoshi what a wonderful person he is, he will start believing it.”

He sees Shen Yuan shutting up as he grows more embarrassed.

Luo Binghe goes to pull him into his arms. “I just want Shen-laoshi to be happy. If he wants to remain private, that’s what we’ll do. Just give me some time to figure it out.” It’s not what he wanted, but it can’t all be what he wants all the time, can it? If anything, it might be a good sign. Shen Yuan barely implied the situation was his fault, and didn’t offer to leave to take care of it.

Shen-laoshi appears to melt into his embrace, hiding his face into his neck.

Luo Binghe still hasn’t developed a resistance to Shen-laoshi showing him any form of vulnerability or affection, not that he thinks he ever will. He discards the conversation for now in favor of returning said affection in the way he’s still getting used to.