#This is the year I actually wanna improve
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hiii !! im so sorry you are not feeling the greatest, and i how you feel better soon ~ may i suggest some college au where dulcinea is the teacher assistant of a gideons and harrows class, and gideon can simply stop gawking at her <3 (extra points if harrow is kind of jelous) :D i send happy thoughts your way, keep pushing through :)
I have no idea what Dulcinea is teaching or even doing here. Neither does Gideon. And no one cares. Except for Harrow. She cares a lot.
God the more I draw her, the more I love giving Gideon some longer hair...
#It's been exactly one month since this message so!#I am obviously better by now thank you so much <3#it was a very sweet message#I took this to practice some quick coloration. I am still not quite happy but coloring is becoming more fun now#This is the year I actually wanna improve#tlt#my art#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#griddlehark#dulcinea#requests
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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_____ used Destiny Bond!
_____ is hoping to take his attacker down with him!
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(Belatedly) celebrating the one-year anniversary of the 'Destiny Bond' comic with a rare, fully-illustrated piece. A bit of extra context and rambly thoughts under the cut 🫶💖💕
A little over a year ago, I posted the first part of the Destiny Bond comic, originally intended to be a one-off doodle exploring the consequences of Morty's prophetic abilities on his relationship with Eusine.
That sketchy doodle of mine ended up being a whole narrative project spanning across a few months, before I eventually took a pause on it to focus on my mental health (having reached a low earlier in the year).
It was a daring enough project in and of itself, especially with how I had spontaneously taken it on when I was still recovering from a years-long burnout with 2D art. Though (temporarily) stopping sooner than I had hoped, I can confidently say that this little comic project of mine had helped to rekindle my love for drawing as a whole, and had further lead me to meeting some of the most wonderful people and friends in this small corner of the Pokémon fandom (whom also happen to be obsessed with these two silly guys from the GSC/HGSS games). It's a project I hold dearly to my heart, and one that I hope to revisit and continue once I feel ready to do so; as the story has yet to truly kick off (I'm not even joking we're still in the prologue technically I'm yelling /lh).
I hope to be able to share the rest of this story with you all one day, in whatever new form it'll take as. For now, I want to say thank you, from the deepest parts of my heart, for supporting this passion project of mine - and to assure you to tune in for the future of this title. 👀✨
#surprise I'm still active actually . though more on twitter these days ASKJDAHSKJDHAS#ALSO SURPRISE ACTUAL RENDERED PIECE !!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#I fought for my life for this fr I haven't done full shading in Years but I'm honestly really really happy with how this turned out 😭💖💖💖#I'll go into more detail about the design/composition decisions here soon hehe I got really excited about including them#Though I'll save that for another time askjhdajsn for nowww I just wanted the main piece to be the focus of the post 🫶💖💕#also yes as of now the comic's up in the air as I decide how to move forward#I have A Few Ideas though I'll need to take into account my capabilities and schedule (especially with my freelancing work and college)#So stay tuned for that because I promise y'all it isn't stopping there - I have A Lot more planned for our doomed sillies 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#I'll also be doing more studies and practice with my art in the meantime because making this opened my eyes to how much I have yet to learn#and that's like . quite terrifying SDKFJSDNFSDNS#but also really exciting !!!!! I wanna improve and build upon my skills and make even better works of these mystic sillies graaaAAAAHHHHHHH#though fr feel free to check out my twt since I'm more active there these days askjdhasnda 🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️#Destiny Bond comic#pokemon#pokemon hgss#pokemon gsc#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#minamatsu#pokemon art#art
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Dreaming of you
#*guy who mostly draws very flat compositions* you know it's actually because i like wes anderson's films and-#oh wait i wanna put this next to the rnnk drawing i did last year i wanna see if theres any improvement#no actually i dont want to know#enstars#ensemble stars#wataei#wataru hibiki#eichi tenshouin#eiwata#my art#artists on tumblr#infinite painter
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Improvement :3
#turns out practice does work....who would have thought .. apparently not me...#im very proud I've stayed with it#me??? actually liking ny art??? and seeing myself improve more than i have in a year within a couple months??????????#what a good hyperfixation/special interest does to you/silly#alas i need to keep branching out to the other ieytd characters because i wanna work on my fabby design#i have a hard time with costume and um she is literally THE fashion girlie so. i gotta work on that#because she DESERVES IT DAMNIT#also still working on a mental image for zor...sigh#im really into the vitti as zor theory and that 'zor' is a role/title that's kinna passed on....idk...i have thoughts.....#but yeah zor is so painfully human to me but also is trying to not be drives me up the WALL#THAT'S ANOTHER POSTS RANT how did i get here#alas#ieytd#[agent moose's art]#THAT'S IT not individually tagging these doodles? drawings? are not good enough for that#i don't have. the urge to draw in full colour rn <- so so so so busy <- leaves secondary education in less than 2 months#alas. I'm surviving. and very excited about next steps. just gotta get through. via ieytd. it's becoming my mantra#i keep saying i should make designs for solaris and redo my fabby so i can have triple threat explaining science to me on my flashcards#im. coping in my own special way
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I don't usually do these but I felt like I drew so little this year I was curious to see if I could fill one lol. It was a rough year I'm hoping next year is better, I want to dedicate more time to personal art and improvement.
#Neon Ocean Art#Art of 2023#[ I'm actually rather surprised I managed to full this lol#I hit a lot of mental lows this year regarding art#this was also the year I had to mostly set art aside for a day job#which really wasn't easy#I'd felt like I failed in some way being unable to support myself on art like some of my peers#but I drew some of my all time favorite art pieces this year and that I'm very proud of#next year I really want to focus on personal art and stuff I wanna draw#as well as improving my skills as I usually feel rather dissatisfied with my work#I'm glad I no longer need to rely on art for my income so i'm hoping that freedom will give me room to grow more ]
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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HAH! SURPRISE LAD ON YOUR DASH! DEAL WITH IT!!!
#Homestuck#The Felt#Crowbar#Reshzin Art#God I LOVE HIM SO MUCH DFHJBV I WANNA THROW HIM AT A WALL#Also hello buds haven't seen yall in like a million years hahaha I've actually been drawing a lot! So art improvement! But its all beennnn#IN MY SKETCBOOK#SO I CANT POST IT#but hey who knows! I finally figured out the secret to making good art (Drawing with computer#not tablet)#SO MAYHAPS I WILL DRAW MORE!!!#See y'all later!
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persona 3 to me is a game that is special because of its story and it’s (main) characters. i thought the content of this game, once it got going, was extremely special when i played it as a senior in high school. however, getting to that point was a war of attrition.
reload is getting a lot of flack for modernizing itself, or molding it to the persona 5 skin. i understand why it is being criticized, but not only do the changes they’re making (outside the exclusion of the answer and femc) make complete sense to me in terms of broadening the appeal of the game, i also think they will increase my enjoyment of it tenfold. most of the unique aspects of persona 3’s gameplay were things i could not stand, even knowing why they were implemented that way and what their purpose is. they are still a massive roadblock to this game that had certain parts i absolutely loved. i think reload is going to remove at least some of these roadblocks, and it makes me a little sad to see all the negative reactions to some of this information.
#persona#persona 3#persona 3 reload#kept writing and rewriting this bc i wanted to express this as eloquent as possible without stepping on toes#i’ve thought ‘damn i wanna play p3 again but i don’t wanna PLAY p3 again’ so many times in the last four years#and i think this will be my excuse to jump back in#i still don’t know if what they’re going to do will actually improve my experience in significant ways#esp since tartarus is gonna be seemingly unchanged#but it’ll be a step in the right direction at least#for me anyway
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Sigh the only bad thing about rapidly improving is that you hate your old art and a lot of the time that ends up being your art from last week 😭
#literally like my art isn’t consistent at all because it’s constantly changing from improvement#I wanna sell keychains and stickers of my art but my art has been getting better at a rapid pace for about a year#to the point I end up hating my art from a few days ago purely because I’ve improved a lot by the time those few days pass#sigh maybe I’ll slow down one day and be happy with it#one am rambles I am so sorry to people who actually follow me for my art and not William’s unhinged one am rambles#shrimp rants and rambles
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby
#looking to register bc i havent had a hearing checkup in like. 4-5 years lol#im supposed to have repeats every 2-3 years but my old audio dept is on the other side of the country....#and my hearing loss has been stable since i was 2 yrs old so its not super urgent to keep track of..#but ive had my current hearing aids for over 6 years now i think which is the average lifespan. and they still work fine#but i really should be taking them in to adjust every six months n get new moulds fitted regularly....... oops#i do replace the tubing but yeah im way behind on maintenance#and considering i wear them like 50 hours a week n im kinda dependent on them at work i need to keep on top of it more#ALSO what i reaaaaally want is ones that have bluetooth connectivity bc when i last got mine that tech wasnt widely available#but now i think theyre nhs standard. so fingers crossed i can upgrade plsss i wanna be able to use them for phone calls n music!!!#i can make a good case for it if needed cuz i need to use headphones at work sometimes#actually might be able to get an access to work grant for bonus hearing aid equipment..... i should look into that#i was skeptical for ages bc i had a VERY old roger mic as a kid which was effectively a box on a lanyard i had to give to ppl#it was clunky as shit and had awful sound quality i gave up using it after a year or two#but now they have very sleek n subtle ones n the tech has improved so much like it filters bg noise n can connect to tvs n shit#so would be really useful in meetings or when im like. at a restaurant or somewhere w a lot of bg noise....#ahhhh itll take time to get everything sorted tho. need to start w just getting this audiology referral in place#ill swing by the gp practice after work tmr and ask for an appointment for that#need to get dressed and leave the flat.... but i dont want to 😔#in a bit....#.diaries
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i have the fourth year redraw of something in a couple month s im getting impatient i wanna draw it already😭
#not really fourth year. theyre spaced out in very different time frames.#the first ones from? late late 2021 jan 2022 actually i think#then november 2022... then jjjjjjjjjjjuuune 2023?#so i feel liek. i should wait at least another month but im just EXCITED about it cause i wanna show my improvement#it was my first tumblr post its just a kris with their soul. i just. have a good idea for it.#ok rant over...#talkin
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started messing around with bns again which of course means iluwen gets yet another makeover. back to her roots!!! goodbye jin!lu, welcome back yun!lu this is the cutest you have ever been
#bns#blade and soul#bns: iluwen#jin!lu actually had like 2 other iterations that i simply just did not post here...shes on my twitter somewhere but shes unimportant now#can u believe lu is like 6 years old now and in that time frame bns has basically died but i still wanna try and get back into it#also#my preset making game has improved so much my yuns AND jins were HIDEOUS before what was i on
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Should I finish my like ten different DnDads fics. or start a longfic for a fandom I don’t even care about anymore (but I still like the characters bc I’ve OC-ified them to hell and back)
#I will resist. however it lives in my brain#unfortunately the fandom in question is Danganronpa#it’s Saihara/Momota 😁❤️ I love them#but as like 30 year olds with families and jobs because I’m insane /lh#I started this BEFORE getting into DnDads btw. I just have a weird thing about mundane adulthood#I love aging characters up into parents. something is Wrong With Me (/lh again.. but also 🤨)#I wanna draw my adult designs for them but :( I need to practice drawing more :(#very unfortunate that I have to actually practice drawing to improve. smh 🙄#chalcy stuff
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