#This ship is so fucking boring and cringe it's so funny like why are you so mad at Cartters????

[ohno-myfeefees]

Good omens 2

Finally got around to watching good omens season 2 and just jotting down my thoughts.

I like the ending, aziraphale has always been very holier than thou and he thinks heaven is the best and god is the best so it makes sense that when given a chance to go back to heaven and make someone he likes his little nepo pet he will take it.

Also when Crowley points out that he was offered to come back to hell and he said no, aziraphale goes “well obviously you said no, you’re the bad guys”, as if the angels of heaven didn’t attempt to start Armageddon, kill all of Job’s children, and erase him from existence more than once (saved both times by bad guy Crowley mind you)

I like that when Jim said “I love you” to aziraphale, aziraphale didn’t say it back.

I feel like Crowley kissed aziraphale not cause he cared much about kissing or anything but he thinks that’s what you (or humans) do to show how much you love someone. “One fabulous kiss and we’re good”

I disliked Nina and Maggie, they were off putting together and boring and had no chemistry. But at the same time I also think that was the point. Maggie had a weird stalkerish schoolgirl crush on Nina who was in a terrible and abusive relationship that finally ended and she just wanted to live her life. Any scene with them induced cringe and just dragged on and on. Two heavenly beings decided to then try to forcefully pair them together. It makes sense that the ship doesn’t sail and I’m glad it didn’t and I hope it never does.

People complaining about how grumpy and cold and unlikable Nina is but she’s constantly being hounded by a stalker that she has no attraction to. If I was in her shoes I’d be as dismissive and rude as possible in hopes they leave me alone. Especially if you’re a woman, you should understand how insufferable Maggie is being and she doesn’t get a pass just because she is also a woman/attracted to women.

“I hAvE bRotHerS” stfu Maggie

I hate that Nina called Maggie “angel”, it’s so cheap.

Still hate his royal smugness Gabriel, especially since he got his memories back. Him being Jim for a season didn’t change my feelings and I think Gabriel and beelzebub’s relationship was weird with not much chemistry either.

I like Muriel, she is cute and innocent and naive. I feel like she is the cinnamon roll that most fanfic writers seem to imagine aziraphale to be.

Shax was only a good character at the start. Once she started getting her solo moment in hell and commandeering an army she got boring fast. Her initial relationship with Crowley was compelling as she took over his old position but her character was not consistent.

Archangel Michael’s incompetence and ignorance of anything human is pretty funny this season. I enjoyed seeing more of the angel bureaucracy fleshed out.

Beelzebub was pretty meh this season, too cutesy and not enough deadpan “why is everyone I work with an idiot” and “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.

Wtf was furfur even there for

Fav scene was the Nina “how’s your naked man… friend” and Muriel’s visit to the bookshop for the first time.

I found Crowley being able to access Gabriel’s file interesting especially knowing the clearance level needed and I hope they do something with it.

Just because I didn’t like some of the side characters from season 2 doesn’t mean I miss the side characters for season 1. Anathema, whatshisface unlucky glasses guy, racist abusive Shadwell, and “the them” were all also meh. They worked with the story but I didn’t actually like them or their characters.

Muriel is the best side character ever created aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The season overall was hit or miss, the writing wasn’t very tight, and I found some of the characters very boring and cringey and a lot of the story and characters lack subtlety.

[pwnyta]

From someone who knows basically nothing about Baldurs Gate......

Imma give my UNSOLICITED OPINIONS.

Karlach is the most consistent with her style. She looks great in everything. Shes also the hottest overall (no pun intended). Her personality is one of the cutest and the fact she doesnt seem to get that good of an ending is UH... CRIMINAL.

Best ship- ...//covers face and mumbles... I really like her relationship with the player... this is so unfortunate... but its so cute. I love her. (I know theres a couple endings where you can kill her. Those dont exist or Im calling the cops.)

Base model MEH, Camp model VERY cute, Panties.... ITS A CHOICE BUT ONE I BUY THAT HE'D MAKE FROM WHAT I KNOW ABOUT HIM. Also I dont believe for a MINUTE this man got a six pack why are you lying directly to my face... He reminds me of Dr Frank, I love his voice, I would never be able to deny him anything because hes really funny and I just wanna see him go crazy.

Best ship- Astarion/Wyll... I just saw a video of Star being SO into Wyll it was hilarious. 'Honestly that MAN~' Someone get him a Thirst-aid kit.

The sheer driplessness of this man needs to be studied by SCIENTISTS. But his panties are pretty cute. I do like his face/hair... but the man cant dress himself. ...Look on paper Gale is everything. His sweetness and earnestness is very charming but GOD... hes so cringe sometimes. GOOFY FUCK.

Best ship- ... Probably Wyll? I mean you can just slot Wyll in anywhere cuz hes so charming and he and Gale are such cornballs itd be insufferable.

Laezel takes second place right behind my bbg Karlach. Her base model is a little weird looking the metal looks weird but it still looks pretty cool. Her camp model is super hot, I never would have expected those panties TBH... why dont the men get fun panties. This is a crime. Anyways 9/10 Zel! Congrats. IDK if I like her or the memes with her. her VA did that ducks in a row video and its so funny and I cant ever be mad at her no matter what she wanted to do.

Best ship- .....I mean aesthetically Karlach? For shallow reasons... idk what their relationship is like.

...Look I know shes super popular but.... Look her camp model is pretty great but Her hair is hideous. I can get over Gales absolute driplessness cus hes still handsome... what is this hair... GIRL. The panties are a choice too... but after Karlach and Zel she really had little chance. Least theyre better than the guys.

Best ship- //shrugs I have no attachment to this woman LMAO

Base model? Kinda boring but not terrible. Camp model? One of the best... the cute little peekaboo belly. I hope someone bites him. BUT THE PANTIES??? Girl. Youre lucky youre so handsome. The horns and crazy eyes elevate him... just putting that out there. Like Gale... on paper Wyll is so perfect but HES SO EMBARRASSINGLY EARNEST. The problem is probably just the style of the game... if it was less uncanny realism and more stylized maybe I wouldnt be as cringed out LMAO. Youre so damn cute Wyll... Im sorry.

Best ship- Astarion is funny but hes such a menace... I think Wyll deserves better. HALSIN/Wyll.

Halsin somehow does the earnest lover thing way better than Gale or Wyll... but hes almost as bad as Gale when it comes to dressing himself. Who let this man dress himself? Hes hot though. It makes up for it. I cant believe BG3 let this beefy elf exist... Im so used to young looking scrawny pasty elves (eyes emoji).

Best ship- Like Wyll you can just put him anywhere.... but WYLL. Theyd just be so cute. Halsin could definitely dull the sheer earnestness to tolerable levels probably.

This lady I know almost nothing about except shes kinda rancid.... but at least shes kinda hot and also can dress decently.

Best ship- ...//shrugs

The fact shes not romanceable makes BG unplayable. Her face and hair is gorgeous, her clothes get a MEH from me... maybe if the colors were more muted?

Best ship- ...//shrugs

Hes fine.

Best ship- ...//shrugs

?

I know the Emperor has some part in this too... and hes hot. So...

Overall-

The difference between S tier and A tier.. isnt that different. I really like those 3 freaks.

At first Wyll & Halsin were these too but... they grew on me & I cant blame them for their faults. Its not Halsins fault you can traumatize a squirrel... its not Wylls fault the realistic style combined with his cheesy romantic bullshit embarrasses me...

I couldnt even get through Dream Daddys.... and I love that game.

I can forgive Wyll.

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time! last night we watched voy's "worst case scenario" and ds9's "blaze of glory."

worst case scenario (voy):

this one had something. this one was Doing something. i normally Hate holodeck episodes but this one had an okay start, a very strong middle...and then a very very very weak ending. which was sad because i was having a great fucking time and then it was like having a bucket of cold water dumped on my head

the beginning scene was a little long. like, we obviously knew something wasn't right because chakotay was the one who KEPT people from doing a mutiny, he'd be the last person on the ship to instigate it. so having to wait so long before we found out it was a holodeck thing was a little tiring

after that though. like aside from the exhausting length of that section. the middle of this episode was fantastic. tom and b'elanna doing the like guilty pleasure in doing this holonovel over and over. everybody failing to keep it a secret even though it's supposed to be a secret and nooobody telling captain janeway because. awkward. their outrage at the cliffhanger ending. all extremely funny

MADE FUNNIER BY: TUVOK BEING THE MYSTERY AUTHOR

like, of COURSE he wrote chakotay as the hugest asshole because they hate each other so bad <3 that makes SO much sense. he also wrote chakotay, specifically, complaining about how much of a hardass he himself was. incredible

also funny: janeway was like no no no you guys keep doing the little mutiny scenario i'm not afraid of creativity maybe holo me will kick your ass. like she was so chill about it. i felt sooo bad watching fake chakotay betray her until they smirked at each other at the very IDEA of chakotay doing a mutiny and then it was like oh okay so that's gonna be their next little sex game

even tom and tuvok arguing over how the novel was supposed to end was funny, especially because tom "no outline" paris was like yeah i got this and tuvok was like you do Not got this i want my novel back and meanwhile people keep coming into their gdoc like "do you take requests"

what really got me was the end...like, oh no, the safeties are off! the holodeck is malfunctioning again! and we're trapped in here! again! way to remind me of why i hate the holodeck. i'm not sure how i would have resolved that but anything besides the seska hologram becoming semi-sentient and making them run around like rats in a maze. WASTE of a good cameo. i spent the last 10-15 minutes of this episode just wishing it would end

that said, the rest of the episode was SHOCKINGLY charming so not a total loss

blaze of glory (ds9):

episodes that made me wish i found eddington compelling...i just don't. he and sisko don't have any chemistry...and look, i don't like to be mean to this guy, but do you know how bad you have to be at acting not to have chemistry when you are spending an entire episode playing off of avery fucking brooks? come on

along with the cringe les mis stuff from his previous episode, he was never really...threatening? sisko played it so well, about how deeply his betrayal struck him, but i never felt physically or emotionally threatened by him. even when he was like yeah man let me die here and let the bioweapons start a new war idagf (which was without a doubt his most threatening moment, when sisko could neither blackmail persuade or bribe him into cooperating) i was just like. eh

i guess it was fun that he outsmarted sisko, but that doesn't even offer us any real closure so far as he's concerned - no sense of victory over him except having captured him that one time except sisko didn't outsmart him then either he was just a dick until he surrendered

and his death was also...kind of pointless...unnecessary...it didn't make me sad or angry or anything i was just like oh ok

anyway i wish i cared! but i don't. so. a rare boring ds9 ep

TONIGHT: ds9's "empok nor" and voy's "scorpion part i" AAAAA IM SO EXCITED

[gnzma]

👬🤸‍♀️👀🖼 annnd 🎆

[ im OPINIONATED!! ; ACCEPTING ]

👬 shipping

[ it's fun!! but i wish that in the year of the lord 2023 people realized that this isn't the only important thing in a fandom shoutout to all the t/rueshipping or the s/parkedinferno shippers i promise you can chill out. i promise these characters can be their own without being all about their shipping partner

otherwise. idk while i do have my handful of ships - most of which are crack and weird -, i mostly ship with chemistry and depending from person to person. like an obvious proof is guzma's relationship with @planespc's and @axhroma's colresses, one is a funny little guy he wouldnt mind kissing and the other is a boring nerd to him :^) ]

🤸‍♀️ OCs

[ this is a loving OCs zone if you don't love OCs go away leave don't even LOOK at me we love OCs in this house powerful OCs cringe OCs OCs shipped with canon OCs with pokemon powers OCs that are just sitting there good OCs evil OCs i love you guys !!!!!!!! ]

👀 dash commentary

[ i think that's literally the best way to interact with one another, especially new people. like fully knowing that most of the time it's meta, i think we should dashcom a little more actually. and comment about other's dashcomms. and reply to dashcomms.

i think i met most of the people i actively interact with by dash commenting their threads or the silly topic of the day and we shoudl do it MORE ]

🖼 dash events

[ oh boy uhhh. they're hit or miss. i think that even now we're going through some situations with dash events. either we get 34 at the same time or one right after another, most of which are pretty similar, or we spend ages with not a single one. i think that's why i got a little tired of them and i'm barely partecipating other than the fact that most of the time i don't think it would make sense for my muses but thats another can of worms fndsgf

idk i like dash events that can make me my muses grow the most tho. balls and parties can cute - even if they lack of the absolute madness of the past years where christmas trees were set on fire and people started stealing random shit and legendary pokèmon would show up to make everyone scream -, but i think the last dash event i truly felt like involving myself in that i didnt host was the improv school occupation held by @seginbeats. it was different, it was unique, it felt like it could bring some growth from a lot of characters -- growth that i actually saw, at least personally, in a few muses!! more stuff like that please!!! ]

🎆 magic anons

[ okay gang fr we need to remove our rose tinted glasses magic anons were BORING!!!!!!!!!!

for every good one we had at least a few dozens that were like "surprise youre another gender/a child/a cat now!!" or "surprise the trauma youre going through is fixed now!!" or "surprise youre HORNY AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" so. i'm gonna be real

[livvyofthelake]

1 6 20 21 for merlin or riverdale if merlin makes you too mad

ily auguste you’re like hey i know you love complaining about bbc merlin but keep your heart rate down 🙏

1) the character everyone gets wrong

i KNOW he’s existed for a thousand years PLUS and i am NOT an expert on fucking. arthurian lore because who has the time for that for real. but i HAVE seen the kid who would be king and i just feel a deep intrinsic sense of knowing in my bones for my guy… and bbc merlin fans do not know him AT ALL and it makes me so mad i could scream. not even the bbc merlin writers know him that well it’s ridiculous. it’s fine cassandra clare will fix all of this in time. now if only HER fanbase understood fucking anything it would all work out in the end. oh well there’s always king arthur 2004 and alex and allie and my bff t h white <3

6) which ship fans are the most annoying?

all of them fr…… no but actually i do think. oh god i’m gonna cringe so hard typing this one. i think merthur fans are probably some of the most insufferable people i’ve ever had the misfortune of technically agreeing with. like goddamn there are no good people out there… at least the straight shippers have the decency to be normal about women. well sometimes. also. two for one answer. cannot stand a bughead bitch….

20) part of canon you found tedious or boring

oooohh….. um well riverdale season seven lol…. no you already know that let me think of a merlin answer. ok so like. i know he did eventually die and in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t like. that much time he was there being alive and annoying. but like in that moment watching it i felt like i was waiting for uther to die for one million years like he got repetitive and tedious so fast it’s insane. and like anthony head ate that shit up so like i get why they wanted to keep him around and i did LIKE everything in season 3 it’s just. did we really need so many episodes where the whole plot was like. one of the characters needs to do something but uther said no! like come on…

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

um this is gonna sound mean especially since i already complained about this two questions ago but genuinely it’s crazy how bbc merlin was like well these two are best friends they have a deep and profound bond etc and then like. in season FOUR they’re still doing the goddamn season one dynamic of “playful” physical violence played for comedy. and then shippers get on tumblr and reblog gifsets where they make jokes about kink. and it’s like. wow so no one in this process used their thinking caps huh. like that shit’s not funny lol….

[ravenkinnie]

for the ask game: 1, 4, 8, 12 aaand 23. I hope asking more than one is allowed

1.the character everyone gets wrong

I won't say everyone but I will say caitvi fanon is like exceptionally cruel to these characters, especially caitlyn shehjsjs she is such a wet blanket fucking loser OR boring domme mommy because some of you are extreme bottoms and project on vi, either way nobody taps into how insane and funny and cunty and delusionally privileged caitlyn is. you don't see the actual interesting parts of her portrayed in fandom, she's just whatever she needs to be to fulfill vi simp fantasy

4.what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not tumblr but twitter but there's someone on caitvi twt who I find particularly fucking cringe for their online persona and I blocked them finally when I saw someone like a tweet from them about their wife and realised I started thinking their wife is cringe by proxy just for being married to them

8.common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

not everyone but silcos parenting discourse is acc mind melting, you rarely see people with a nuanced opinion. it's usually people projecting their own daddy issues on him and jinx and either thinking he's never done anything wrong or that he's the ultimate abuser and it's like well, he can be both things at once shshnsns

12.the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think there's one character who's like v unpopular in arcane fandom, like it heavily depends on which parts of the fandom you tend to hang around. tho, in caitvi fandom the most unpopular character will be silco and for silco simps it's ofc vi and I wish there wasn't such a harsh split between different sides of fandom because the vi-silco dynamic with jinx in the middle is so juicy, I wish there were were works exploring how insane this triangle is

I assume there's more mel content in like, jayvik parts of the fandom that I literally never see but mel is heavily underused in wlw parts, there's melvika but caitmel needs more love fr fr

23.ship you've unwillingly come around to

timebomb but come around to not in a sense that I consume or make content but more that I don't roll my eyes when I see it on my timeline anymore. tho I rarely see good opinions attached to this ship so I'm still somewhat a hater for its fanon even tho I appreciate the relationship itself now

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[sheepinthebigcity]

bored. here are some opinions ppl on tumblr give a shit about

shipping: i'm not a cop but i will give you shit and not want to hang around you if you ship incest or adults with children. same with certain other ships like shipping a bigot with someone they're bigoted towards. ships where one of the characters turns 18 during the course of the story (i.e. light x l, narumayo) or the characters being related is a spoiler (i.e. cassandra x rapunzel, reylo) is fine but you're on thin ice.

literally any lgbt identity shit: i do wonder if we're falling back into microidentity shit from 2014 but just a bit more edgy about it especially considering society's gotten more anti-lgbt lately. it's a little individualist but western society is also individualist so i can't fully complain. i think solidarity is really important though so take some time to REALLY reflect upon that. not just "we're all lgbt we're a family" "let's stop fighting and start making out" like actually think about what you share with like. gay men, trans women, etc. <- examples for me

cringe culture: still alive to me if they're normie cringe. i watch baby shows i can call you cringe if you're obsessed with sonic. get into a more esoteric furry game like detective gallo (not the right genre i dont play video games).

sex/kink positivity: sex and kink are kind of inherently neutral. don't act like they're a unstoppable force of universal good don't act like they're pure evil. something to be said about getting off to something and being normal vs googling the bomb that kills all women.

mental health: psychiatry is fucking barbaric we're still in the dark ages. we have a very limited array of ways to actually deal with it and everything else is either a scam or too experimental and clinicians are unwilling to look further into it. mental health systems do serve those and power and can help you if you're a normie, but it's sort of becoming worshipped as the new family. you can't really question your therapist, which makes it easier to hurt you. that's also why i don't like seeing anything as a universal good.

misusing mental illness terminology: people act like this is an act of ableism instead of it being people not knowing shit fuck about psychology. XD idc if you do it.

punitive justice: world's most useless thing. you need to admit that you're a vengeful soul who simply doesn't want to see the people who hurt you again. idk how a restorative system would work in full, but starting from there i think is a good idea.

punitive justice but strictly stupid revenge schemes: funny. i'll allow them

callout posts: straight up ocd triggering and i could never make one. a lot of them are shit that shouldn't be public internet drama (stupid) or shit that shouldn't be public internet drama (actual fucking crimes). callouts are def a weird line when it comes to punitive justice because is it a punishment to tell everyone what you've done? it's like are rumors a punishment for being too close to someone in middle school? but at the same time it's undeniable there's a certain morality culture that causes people to leave you for dead about it.

[arttrampbelle]

Controversial opinion on mks ships ahead and venting

Cageblade is a boring white couple and is a white dudes fantasy and you know it.

Sonya don't need dick. She needs friends.

Yet you eat it up for hashtag girlboss instead of seeing how gross and forced it was. (Because y'all love to call out a dude who be like johnny cage,forcing himself and trying to hard to impress a woman that clearly aint interested. Oh but cuz johnny is funny,cute,and you like a ship. Suddenly its ok for him to be cringe and low key creepy? Sonya didn't love him. The writers wanted sonya to love him. Know the fucking difference!!! Because they couldn't stand to see sonya with a man of color. Which was pretty much anyone else on the roster BUT johnny. Or heaven forbid make her gay. Oh but johnny can be bi because you think its cute not for actual bi representation. No for shipping. You dont wanna look at yourself doing this shit. But you guys are. When people call you out. You get mad. Well then stay mad. Im sick of this shit from this shit fandom.)

(I swear people praising cageblade and then go and shit on jade and kotal. When both were handled terribly. No honey. Both were trash. But kotal is new and neve rgot character development. And clearly the game devs hate him. You never gave him a chance. I've seen some people write him pretty decent. So maybe look there)

(Also i get tired of fans praising ships and not seeing the bigger picture on WHY i hate it)

Johnny don't need pussy. He needs to find himself as a warrior.

Mortal kombat isn't about fucking dating.

Its about kombat and war. Period.

Not saying you cant find romance and love but if you want that go play a dating sim game.

This is a fighting game. Ment for fighting.

Throwing hands. Rage. Etc.

Sure the characters have complex stories.

But i feel people need to take their shipping goggles off for five seconds. And actually pay attention to the genre of media they are fans of.

Like look i get it. You want your blorbos to be happy. I do too. Some ships are cool.

But at the end of the damn day they all gonna get wrecked. Thats how this particular game works?!

Hello?!

Like some ships never made any sense. Ever. Even in best case scenarios.

But its not just the writing team. Its wb. Its higher ups.

Boon letting this shit slide. Yeah ive been fucking telling y'all where to actually put blame.

The writers are shit. Yes. But boon is in charge. He's not doing a good job. Wb is the parent company. So anyone in charge of nrs thru wb. Is where you should be angry at and with more.

If we are gonna get mad. Get mad at shit worth it.

My personal gripes with ships aside. Im more mad at corporate.

[daz4i]

Bestie. Bestie. I know I've already sent him for a character meme before, but that was a long time ago and also this one is ~detailed~ so. Takuto, if you'll indulge me? :3

Also! If I may, I'm sending Akechi too 'cause we all want to talk about our blorbos ^^ <3

mwah thank you bestie 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

takuto:

What I like about them: he’s genuinely such an interesting character. his role in the story is generally such a sexy one (anti-villains are p rare from my experience so it’s so cool to see one). i love his confidant and even his class questions and his presence is genuinely very calming

What I dislike about them: why are you me. i’m me

Favourite moment: that one scream after the fist fight. you know the one

Least favourite moment: hmmmmm not sure if i have one i particularly dislike but ig while they’re very plot and character important, his one on one conversations with the thieves can be a bit slow and at times even uncomfortable to watch bc of second hand embarrassment lmao 

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more: i really wanna know what happens to him in his reality! we see him basically become a nobody, the thieves don’t recognize him, and i assume it’s his doing? so i’m curious, once everyone’s happiness is actualized, what does he have left to do?? what does he do??? pls i need answers

An interesting AU for this character: curious to think abt how thing’s would’ve gone if he told akira from the start he knows they’re the pt and abt the metaverse and cogpsi. like, how would the thieves react? would they be more guarded around him, or more open? would he become a confidant to them all? idk it’s interesting!!!! idek if it counts as an au bc it’s more canon divergence but eh.

A crossover: i’m ngl my brain is flat out of ideas. fuck it. the bible. biggest crossover of the year. ig it’s technically already canon but anyway

OTP: takuto x you u3u 

Other ships?: takurumi ofc! and i think his ship with zenkichi is cute! 

BROTP: shibusawa true bro xx

NOTP: whatever his ship with akira is called. for obvious reasons

An assortment of headcanons! (but this post is long enough as is so i’m limiting myself to one): that man lives in the lamest ass apartment you’ve seen in your life. he does NOT get paid enough to afford more. rip king 

goro:

What I like about them: the mental illness(es) and everything else also

What I dislike about them: uuuuuuuh ig he’s got some moments that give me second hand embarrassment?? esp in his detective persona. i’m sorry goro you posted cringe you’re gonna lose subscriber

Favourite moment: any time he’s being unhinged during the third semester 😍 but esp as a navi

Least favourite moment: genuinely can’t choose bc any moment that may be cringe is just so funny or i’m simply too happy he’s there that i can’t bring myself to dislike it. ig in his original confidant some of the ranks were a bit boring? so just pick one of those rank ups where he just says how interesting it is to talk to akira despite us never seeing them talk 

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more: you know that deleted content from royal where he’s in a rehab center? yeah i wanna know what’s up with that and have more information and see how he heals and how he is afterwards

An interesting AU for this character: actual detective goro........ him solving crimes he didn’t commit himself.......... solving mysteries........... connecting dots and following leads...... perhaps with a trusty partner who looks great in drag called watso- *gets shot* 

A crossover: i’m making him besties with dimitri fire emblem even if it’s the last thing i do 

OTP: my special little polycule of goro x akira x haru x yusuke. but also just akeshu 

Other ships?: akekita, akeharu, ryugoro

BROTP: futago and anngoro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTP: recently found out some ppl actually ship him with shido and well. i’m not here to police anyone’s ships but Keep That Shit Away From Me 

Extra headcanon: autistic king. masking expert and hyperaware of people’s perception of him due to years of trauma. his special interest is featherman. stims by fiddling with his gloves. i’m right about this 

send some characters?

[punz4lyfe]

My Single-Sentence Thoughts For Each Major SMG4 Character

SMG4

Not much else other then he’s a good, yet standard mainline character.

Mario

Sometimes I ponder whether he had more agency in the classic videos or modern ones.

Luigi

His appearances generally feel like a Luigi’s Mansion or Mario & Luigi RPG game in 10-fold and I like that.

Peach

Can actually be an interesting character if she was given more appearances.

Bowser

Always a joy to see on-screen.

Toad

Okay and nothing else.

X

Alright character, but it’s kinda sad his appearances mostly just relegate to WOTFI’s referee these days.

FM

I agree wholeheartedly with ya, Cube is cute!

 Meggy Spletzer

Started out as an obvious Mary Sue, but now she’s just alright, though her fans, both for her Inkling and human forms, are just insufferable.

Fishy Boopkins

He has his cute moments, but sometimes his love for anime can get annoying, like in the 2020 Christmas special.

Bob

Many hate him, yet I like him.

Saiko Bichitaru

Her subtle character development is honestly something I really love about her.

Shroomy

I’m very mixed on his Anti form, as it either makes him more interesting or it’s just plain cringe due to how forced it can be and the fact that it literally came out from nowhere without any prior hints in its debut episode.

Tari

She started out a really great and still is imo, but it’s honestly a bit annoying how Kevin and Luke now seem very adamant in making sure she doesn’t get hurt anymore these days.

Axol

Started out very cool and awesome, but then he became another mindless simp which is just cringe.

Melony

Cute and funny, but the whole “ship tease” with Axol can go fuck itself.

Steve

Always hilarious to see.

Chris Gordman

Love his straight-man motif with Swagmaster.

Swagmaster6969

Every second of screentime with him is always a blast, both literally and figuratively.

Whimpu

His only defining character trait is being a simp and that’s just ugh for several reasons.

JubJub Boopkins

Absolutely adorable.

Belle Fontiere

While an awesome character in Meta Runner, being the “sane one” of the cast in SMG4 just makes dreadfully boring when so many other characters already have such roles.

Rob

His corn delivery was actually really good and did a great job in giving him more personality and touching his relationship with Bob.

Jeeves

Just like Peach, can actually be funny and interesting if he got more appearances.

Hal Montior

Dull character that Luke really, REALLY should’ve at least tried to handle better in the year he was introduced and the only thing I like about him are his facial expressions.

SMG3

Incredibly entertaining to watch and the voice Jame provides for him just enhances that.

Wario

Seeing him makes him miss the Wacky Wario Bros. episodes cause they were just so damn good.

Waluigi

More or less the same as Wario, only with the fact that I feel his arc could’ve ended with a lot more potential.

Desti

Very boring, her death was stupid (seriously, why the fuck would you celebrate from killing ONE Sephiroth clone when Francis STILL has the Inkweaver), and her fans REAALLLLY love her WAY too much. (give up, she’s not coming back)

Greg

Was I supposed to take his death and “friendship” with Mario seriously or something?

Yoshi

Tax evasion jokes got stale quickly.

Sonic

Instead of just making him Swagmaster’s waifu, Luke should give him and Eggman their own episodes again since having nothing but arcs or SMG4′s gang for every single episode can get extremely redundant every once in a while, especially when it primarily features the same characters over and over again.

[nellynee]

Trollstopia Blindblogging: episode 8a: Rhythm & the Blues

(a quick note, I am only tagging the focal most Trolls in my opinion for my own reasons. But, if you feel other characters need tagging please let me know it would not be hard to do. I don’t bite) 

Not the most elegant episode. But I do give it my respect. It does something the Trolls franchise doesn’t typically do. It tries. Trolls has a very bad habit of writing emotional checks it has no interest in being able to cash. It cobbles together all these really interesting ideas, tells you to look at them, then puts it back down and never touches it again. It implies a lot of really deep, dark, emotional stuff then refuses to let it exist. Mostly because a lot of stuff it talks about doesn’t really have answers beyond philosophy or would get a pretty steep rating tank. They just can’t afford to talk about it. It’s really frustrating to read the artbook and watch cut content and see some really comprehensive story telling and character development get shredded on the cutting room floor. There’s real love in the production and I want to have very stern words with whoever keep stabbing ideas in a back alley to make it more “child friendly” 

But, I digress. This episode chose to talk about something negative. It chose to do so very, very unsubtly to the point near cringe. But it chose to do it, fallowed through, and did so in a way that wasn’t patronizing to it’s target audience. So while it wasn’t my favorite, I do respect this episode. 

While not necessarily what I would call superb quality, the cute song (R&B finally sing for those interested), some good jokes, and decently delivered message makes it like... a solid 3.8 in my books. 3 and a half and a half for respects sake. R&B episode if you are into that. Otherwise, I’d say put on the “watch it if you have time” end of the must watch list. 

Funk me UP baby!

That butchered Cinderella Rhyme fucked me up so badly I had to go look up the original to make my brain ok again. But this is the kind of thing that gets me thinking about stuff. Cause like, now I’m going to be thinking for hours about the Pop or Country Trolls having a Cinderella mythos in the Troll’s meta….I’ve already inserted little mermaid so why the hell not?

There’s something very charming about the phrase “I got four legs, gimmie four dutches!” 

Country Trolls are just wooo girls confirmed

“I’d swear it one my Daddy’s grave-” gasp “-y” is actually really funny why are the writers so freaking funny?

It’s a little weird, but we seem to have transitioned in full from laser to bubble beams confirmed as I had postulated in “the snugalug situation” 

Also noting that either Poppy knows the side of the ship R&B’s lab is on, or R&B have their own ship like I made note of in “Across the Fashionverse” 

Still pretty meh on Funk tech as compared to the movie. Not a fan of the wormhole entrance. Like, the 10 or so seconds of Vibe City we saw in the movie had oodles of personality comparatively and I’m really missing it. I’m a little sad that that’s R&B’s whole schtick cause I love their designs and attitude but I don’t love them nearly as much as I could? 

Totally expected them to stick together with that little spin would have been hilarious

T-R-O-Double hockey sticks

That oath was minced to a paste

Lay-trolls terms (jesus christ I shouldn’t be surprised when it happens but I always am)

See what I mean? “Make a real big marshmallooooow” Was absolutly adorable. Every time they speak I am charmed. And then magic science with no rules happens and I’m bored again. I want to love them soooo badly

On that note why don’t Trolls singspeak more?

Cool. I suspected they were sisters based on the little bits I saw, I mean the main tag is “r&b sisters”, but confirmation is cool

on that note I left for a full 24 hours to debate with several groups of people on the viability of the term “Twins” when taking into account my headcanons for them and still haven’t settled on one side or the other.

Why do we even have that button Kronk?

wait was that recorded voice Lownote?

Welp now I understand why Hollys here

For real though I wish there was a bit more of a continuity line between the movies and the shows because this sort of topic seems tailor made for Cooper. He seems to have settled pretty firmly in both universes so far in Pop Village, probably to give him Trolls 3 relevance, but I’ll be not surprised but disappointed if they don’t have him weigh in on this.

in fact, I wonder if that’s who this storyline belongs to afterall. They seem to be ignoring the very obvious solution of.... going for a visit? Or having someone come visit them? Cooper’s potential worries of “Having to figure out where he’ll live in the long term and splitting his time between his old and new family” is a lot more indicative of a long term issue that can’t be solved quickly. Not that regular visits are a permanent or viable solution for everyone but it is absent. But I'm probably overthinking things. This is, afterall, a show for kids, and “Just go and visit” is almost never a viable option after big moves for children. Money on Holly’s solution of “let yourself feel sad about it for a while” being the end game.... oh my god it’s just Inside Out isn’t it?

Jesus Christ I was having fun until “Cloud gazing” and you know what I wasn’t expecting that but I should have been. I don’t know how I feel now

pffft da pinwheel broke

Is R&B really the only two dealing with this?

Pretty healthy showing of Trolls from every tribe and they haven’t encountered this yet in enough numbers that either the specific tribes, or the overall community, or a combination of both, haven’t built some kind of transitional or community outreach program for those feeling uprooted?

like I know it’s a kids show but the governing, political, and cultural implications of these things are the very kinds of things I’m interested in. it’s the stuff I think about

Disco-ball-ogram

did I mention that puns are objectively the peak of hilarity and there’s no way to prove otherwise?

“I can’t find the words” “fantastafleekaboomboom?” “yeah that’s it”

on that note Big Jay, medium Jay, Little Jay wth

I kinda had an inkling when they called Rhythm and Blues “R” and “B”, and my mind connected that with “D” and “Q” from the movies but hadn’t really settles on or thought on it to much but had made a note of “if Funk trolls habitually use initials as address for whatever reasons how do you distinguish between different Trolls when it gets repetitive and I guess the answer is adjectives

It’s trying SO HARD to be sad but it’s also trying to be very transparent about what's happening to the children and I can respect that it does one of those things very well

Holly shush soothing confused Biggie as he attempts the thumb trick again is legit funny AF best joke of the episode

I just wanna take the time to again make appreciating noises at the animation team. I keep catching moments through episodes where it would have been very easy to make very simple reactions or cuts that could cut some more intricate work out and probably would have been cheaper depending on the puppets. Making Blues do a whole rotation when she sits on the button to look at it instead of mimicking a slightly different version of her sister’s reaction is one such instance. 

On that note this is now a Troll’s side profile appreciation blog

There’s being distracted, and then there’s having to wonder if R&B straight up stole this ship because they are not familiar with it at all

I have so many questions about that very confusing bathing Techno Troll I’m gonna just block it out of my memory entirely

Cooper got a chuckle, but Branch got a full ass laugh. That was a legit funny example of him not catching a break. Just.. defeat, then aggravation

uh first off, I knew it, this is just inside out! but second... this is a crisis! 

It’s always hard to tell until they actually start singing but Holy shit R&B! Thems some pipes you got. 

I am having trouble pinning down a genre though. That acoustic guitar is messing me up. I mean this hits most home for me as some really soft rock? Which while sounding good and keeping with tone, is a shame. I feel like a composer could have had a field day with this show if they wanted to, specifically using genre’s and blending to tell bigger subtle stories about emotions being used. But I don’t think that’s what we got here. We just don’t know anything about what kind of stories the genre's tell to make those connections. Having made a statement as a Country Troll about singing sad songs, they could have had something more Country leaning to show where R&B’s feelings were musically. Or had them sing something distinctly in the Blues style but to subtle I guess. It’s possible it’s trying to be Blues, but if it is my ear isn’t good enough to catch it for sure and I’ll admit that. It is a pretty good melody none the less.

Ok that completely mellow delivery of “There is still a massive wormhole that’s about to eat our friends”.... like you can see it coming from a hundred miles away, and it’s still hilarious. 

Biggie no stop rule of 3 does not apply here now it’s just embarrassing

I mean yeah, it’s definitely just the message of Inside Out. Let yourself feel bad. Not everything can be fixed. But that’s not a bad thing. Its a great message for kids and adults. To many people look at negative emotions and think “what can I do to get rid of those right now” instead of facing the situation, handling what you can, and accepting what you can’t. More variations in more places gets that message across more and it’s desperately needed.

[wickedscribbles]

Come What May, Chapter Four

Masterlist

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Original Female Character (Second Person Perspective)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: brief description of panic attack -- there is a warning in the body of the chapter as well! Don’t worry. 

Tags: main character has social anxiety, teaching a class with Obi-Wan, sexual tension, lightsaber fights, Obi-Wan continues with the cute pet names, some teacher/student fantasizing, Obi-Wan is still a massive tease, fucking in a supply closet

Word Count: 6.9 K

It's infuriating to know that Obi-Wan is back in the Temple, but that he's too busy to see you. Between Council meetings that drag for hours, more private gatherings with members of the Senate to discuss what the next move in the war should be, and allowing the poor man time to rest, Obi-Wan has been home for more than a week. You've barely caught more than a glimpse of him. Still, it's nice to have him present in your mind.

You know he's still in the Temple every day you wake up to a glowing good morning, love, his happiness to be near you radiating like sunshine even if you haven't had the time to see one another. It’s not safe to talk back and forth, but sometimes if one of you is particularly bored, you’ll trade a few sentences.

Master Yoda is on a roll today. Send help. Starting to think backwards I am.

Pity you I do.

Very funny, petal.

Then he’d be gone again, fading out before anyone got suspicious. The sudden absence hurts, but not as much as having him gone from the Temple entirely. At least here, you can feel him. You know he's safe.

In contrast to Obi-Wan's breakneck schedule, you've had almost nothing to do. It's full-on spring on Coruscant now, the warmth driving cold and flu season away. You have no colicky little ones in the creche to fuss over, no sick Padawans. The most you might see are some old Masters who need their aching bones tended to, or a quick training accident that needs mended. You haven't shipped out to a war-stricken planet in a while, either. It's strange to have downtime. Strange and frustrating, knowing Obi-Wan is nearby but still not close enough. Having a spare moment between all the illness and injuries is a good thing, and you're grateful. If only you weren't so restless.

-----

It’s rare -- almost impossible -- that you get to take the entire day off, but that’s exactly what you’ve been told to do. The medbay sits empty except for a couple of droids, instructed to deep clean while there are no patients. Even Master Allie appears to be taking it easy; her Force is calm as she bids you goodbye. She insists that if anyone turns up in need of healing, she and Barriss Offee would be on call to take care of it. You bow to her and leave, excited about what possibilities this could open up.

The first thing you do is check for Obi-Wan. Of course, he’s preoccupied. You duck out after feeling the level of concentration he’s exerting at something-or-other; it’s mixed with frustration and you don’t want to distract him. Like you, he’s getting more and more impatient with how busy the Council has kept him. You try not to let yourself be disappointed; it would be too lucky for both of you to be free at the same time, on the same day. All you can do is hope that you can find the time to be together before he has to leave again.

With your schedule more open than ever, you head to your favorite courtyard. The least you can do is soak up some Coruscanti sunshine. But only a quarter of an hour passes before you’re interrupted by the sound of footsteps on cobblestones, headed fast in your direction. Around the corner, scattering the kiros birds, comes a youngling you recognize. It's Gil Graven, a spitfire of a youngling you see in the medbay far more than others his age. He drives his minders crazy with his recklessness, but he’s a sweetheart. Even if you swear you have him admitted once a month for sprains and cuts.

Even now he trips and topples, would have earned the Halls of Healing their first visitor of the day, if you hadn't righted him with a quick pull of the Force.

"Easy, Gil. Where's the fire?" You smile, watching the kid tug his too-large tunic back onto his shoulder.

"Fire? There's no fire, miss. I was looking for you!"

His eyes go round with confusion, cheeks red from running. You forgot how literal younglings could be.

"I meant -- wait, looking for me? What's wrong? Who's hurt?"

Kriff. You should've known taking a day off would backfire. Something had happened in the fifteen minutes you’d had your butt parked in the grass. You get to your feet, gripping the pouch of emergency bacta on your belt.

"Oh! It's not a healer thing." Gil bounces in place, thinking. "But you're needed in the training halls! And they told me to find you quick!"

"Gil, calm down for a minute, okay?" The training halls? Why on Ryloth were you wanted there? "Who told you?"

He shrugs, unhelpful. “I dunno. I’ve never met ‘im before. But he told me to go get the Knight from the Healing Halls ‘cause no one’s been admitted today, and you’d be able to help him.”

You’re still not sure if this is a healer problem, or a matter of simple confusion. Gil’s got a touch of what healers like to call bouncy brain. Sweet as he is, he talks at lightspeed and can’t seem to concentrate if he isn’t moving. There’s a real possibility that he’s got something mixed up here. Still, it’s not as if you’re doing anything else. The Force must have decided that you need to keep busy.

You decide to see what he’s going on about. “Okay, Gil. Lead the way.”

-----

Lingering outside one of the larger training rooms is Master Ki-Adi-Mundi, who smiles when he spots Gil leading you over by the hand.

“There you are!” He crouches down to greet your youngling escort, clapping him on the shoulder. “Thank you, Gil, I am so glad you found our friend. You may go now.”

Gil bows to him, his Force blooming under the praise. “Yes, Master.” You both watch as he takes off the way he came, speeding back up to a run.

“No running!” You scold after him. He barely slows before he’s out of sight.

Master Ki-Adi-Mundi chuckles. “That one reminds me of our own Anakin Skywalker.”

You nod, seeing the resemblance. Anakin is five years your junior, but he was still notorious when you were Padawans. Always turning up where he shouldn’t have been, Obi-Wan always three steps behind. Nothing’s changed, Obi-Wan often tells you.

“Master,” you say, hearing the low buzz of voices coming from the room you’re standing in front of. “Gil said you needed me? Is someone injured?”

“Hm? Oh! Oh stars, no.” Master Ki-Adi shakes his head, looking sheepish. “But I was rather hoping you’d be able to help me with a little problem I’ve run into.”

“Of course.” Okay, now I'm suspicious.

Ki-Adi tugs the end of his beard. “My squadron is being called out to fight on very short notice, I’m afraid. I was meant to teach today’s lesson, and was lucky enough to find a substitute for myself on short notice. But my instruction partner is leaving as well, and I haven’t yet found them a suitable replacement.”

“O-oh,” you hear yourself squeak.

Karabast. He wants you to teach? Your stomach drops somewhere near your ankles. This is so far from what you were expecting when Gil led you here. You can’t do this. You can’t.

Ki-Adi must feel your panic, because he continues quickly. “Don’t fret, my dear! My substitute is a very capable instructor. Follow his lead, and everything will be fine.” He claps a hand on your shoulder, turning away.

“Thank you again -- and now I really must be off.” And with that, he’s gone, walking at a brisk pace down the corridor.

CW starts here!

You’re so anxious that you feel like you’re about to be sick. You’ve done many things on behalf of the Council, often without knowing what they even were, but this? You can’t do this. There’s too many people. You lean against the doorframe, struggling for breath.

What’s the matter? Obi-Wan’s concern comes rushing in, and you’re grateful you have him to latch onto, to focus on.

Someone's asked a favor of me -- and I don’t think I can do it. You’re gripping your saber hilt too tight, the metal biting into your hand.

Please try to calm down. Find somewhere to sit and meditate, collect yourself --

Your anxiety is affecting him, making his own thoughts race even if he doesn’t know the cause. This sometimes happens. You’ve jolted awake in the middle of the night more than once with nightmares that weren’t your own, or had thoughts that didn’t make sense ‘til you realized they weren’t yours.

I can’t.

Why not?

You don’t reply. You have to go in there. Master Ki-Adi said that he was already late. Remembering your breathing, you focus on a count of four in through your nose, then hold the breath for a count of seven. When you exhale, you count to eight. After repeating the exercise several times, you can think straight. It’s not the more in-depth meditation Obi-Wan would have preferred, but it helps. All you can do is hope that the instructor carries much of the class, as Master Ki-Adi said he would.

When it feels like you’ve released much of your fear and uncertainty to the Force, you open the door and step in.

CW ends here!

Immediately, twenty pairs of curious Padawan eyes move to follow you, and you cringe. They all sit cross-legged on the padded floor. Three of the walls are lined with mirrors, the better for students to see fighting forms and sparring matches from every angle. On a side wall, a flimsi depicting each form of saber combat stretches the length of the room, cut off only by the supply closet where training accessories are stored. You’ve been in this room and its adjacent siblings dozens of times. But all that isn’t as important to you as the instructor, who’s turned to see why the room’s gone quiet.

It’s Obi-Wan.

Standing bare-foot on one of room-length training mats, in the middle of handing out sparring sticks to the class, he freezes when you lock eyes.

Oh, he says, equal parts shock and happiness.

Yeah.

I say this with the greatest respect, darling -- why did Master Ki-Adi send you?

Because the Healing Halls are completely empty. Also to torture me. You grimace, joining him at the front of the room. He nods to you in greeting, as if you aren’t having a mental conversation.

“Knight Courtee. Glad to see you could join us.”

“I apologize, Master. It was short notice for me, as well.” You bow to him.

Is this what you were so worked up about? They’re only Padawans. They don’t bite -- much.

Once the group realizes that you’re the other instructor that Obi-Wan’s been waiting for, the chatter resumes. They stop ogling you. From the looks of the group, they’re all in the late teens, and bubbling over with energy. Right in the middle of Padawan and Knight, but with all the arrogance to think they’re already the latter. Away from their Masters in a group like this, they tend to get far rowdier than they would otherwise. Each has a lightsaber strapped to their belt.

“Run me through the lesson?” you say, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Quiet!” Obi-Wan demands over his shoulder, and you jump. The loudest cluster of Padawans instantly falls silent behind you.

Sorry, he thinks at you. I’m starting to see why Ki-Adi jumped on the first ship leaving the system.

“Amina, lose the gum. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Yes, now. Navo, do I have to move you to the other side of the room? Don’t think I won’t.”

Mumbles of yes, Master, break out before he turns back to you, satisfied. You don’t smile but know he feels your amusement.

“We’ll be running through some more advanced katas,” Obi-Wan says. “Then we’ll break them into pairs and focus on the saber technique of each pair. At the end of the lesson, you and I will give a demonstration on a chosen form. Perhaps more than one, if the class requests it.”

“Doesn’t sound too bad,” you admit, thinking back to your own group Padawan lessons. You’d dreaded the paired sparring sessions, having your own form broken down and scrutinized. In the end, though, it had improved your skills. Being able to do the same for this group would be an honor. This is a big piece of being a Jedi, after all; skills passed down from Master to Knight to Padawan.

“It isn’t. Just don’t let them smell your fear,” he grins. “Let’s get started.”

As noisy as the group is, you can tell they’re genuinely excited to be in a session led by Master Kenobi. And Obi-Wan really knows how to lead the room. While you stand stiffly off to the side, nodding whenever he finishes saying something and hoping you don’t look like an idiot, he uses the space. He explains the lesson to them as he explained it to you, then asks if anyone has any questions.

The girl who’d been caught with gum earlier, Amina, raises her hand. Her other hand is busy twirling her long Padawan braid, like she can’t help but fidget with it. “Um, Master Kenobi, why are we using sparring sticks? We’ve had lightsabers for a while now.”

A murmur of agreement washes through the crowd, and Obi-Wan smirks.

“Good question, Padawan. Everyone, close your eyes and reach through the Force. Do you feel how tumultuous the energy in this room is? How excitable? If any one of you lit your saber in this room, I fear someone would lose a limb. And that’s something that Knight Courtee can’t fix for you. So we play it safe.”

Another hand punctuates the air, from the very front of the crowd. This Padawan seems younger than the rest, with hair that sticks up everywhere and eyes focused only on Obi-Wan. He starts speaking before he can be called on.

“All due respect, Master,” he says, in a way that makes you think that he’s used to sharing unorthodox opinions. The corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth quirks up as he fights a smile, and you feel him think of Anakin.

“Why are we here? We’re fighting a war. Many of us have already seen combat alongside our Masters.” He lowers his eyes to the mat, afraid he’s gone too far. When his fellow Padawans start nodding and whispering, he tugs on the end of his nerf-tail, as if unsure of what to do.

Obi-Wan takes a moment to consider this question, hand going to his beard as it often does when he’s thinking.

“I appreciate your honesty, Caleb. And you’re correct. It might seem...redundant to spend your time here when even now fellow Jedi are fighting real battles.”

He pauses, thinking of how to continue. The Padawans are hanging onto his every word, the room silent. “But that’s why it’s so important to refine your technique when we can spare the time, in a secure environment. It will make you stronger when you face a real opponent. It might even save your life. Does that make sense?”

Wow, you think to yourself. He’d handled that beautifully. Even though Caleb had spoken out of turn, Obi-Wan hadn’t belittled him or made the teen feel bad about what was an honest and important question. He’d taken the time to consider the Padawan’s feelings, and had given him an equally honest answer, not something to pacify him. It takes you back to your own Padawan training, when Obi-Wan had been your instructor.

“Yes, Master,” Caleb ducks his head, looking relieved. “thank you.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes search the room. “Anything else?”

After a pause, another hand goes up, toward the back.

“Millu?” You love that he knows everyone by name. Some Padawans turn around to reveal a burly Mon Calamari boy.

“Yeah.” His bright yellow eyes dart over to you. “Uh, speaking of Knight Courtee. Why are you teaching us? I thought you were just, like, a healer.” There’s no real malice in his tone, more like an off-handed curiosity, but Obi-wan stiffens.

Luckily you think of something to say before he can open his mouth. It wouldn’t look good for him to get upset defending you.

“That’s an excellent question, Millu, thank you.” You shoot him a smile, and you swear his scales darken with a blush.

“Being a Jedi with healing abilities does not mean that you get to neglect other aspects of your training. On the contrary, your connection with the Force must be powerful at all times. Healing will swamp you physically and emotionally, so you must keep both body and mind strong to withstand it.”

Your smile widens. “Of course, if you’re asking if you can best me in a fight, we’ll see how you match up during paired spars. Sound good?”

Laughter breaks out, and Millu blushes even darker before muttering, “Sure,” and looking away. Even if it seemed like he was questioning your ability to teach them (as you yourself are), you’re grateful the interaction’s lightened the mood.

Nicely done, says Obi-Wan.

“Very good,” he says aloud, clapping his hands together. “Now if we’re done heckling Knight Courtee, let’s begin with some stretches, please.”

------

Obi-Wan was right, you think, walking around the room. This...isn’t bad at all. You walk from pair to pair, taking in the angle of their weapon, how they hold their bodies, making minor corrections and leaving comments as you go. They look up when you come by, eager to see what you’re going to say to them. It’s much easier to interact with the Padawans on this smaller scale, and you find yourself joking with them, smiling. After a while, they even start asking for you, looking to see if you can demonstrate a move or if they’re holding the training stick the correct way. They aren’t scary at all -- just excitable kids who want to learn.

I’m sorry, Obi-Wan was what?

Looking up, you see Obi-Wan grinning across the room, demonstrating his own correction. In the middle of all this excitable teen Force energy, it’s easy for you to have a conversation and go unnoticed.

You were right. I like this.

And you’re good at it; they adore you. You’re going to make a wonderful Master. He shows you a brief image of a happy Padawan trailing behind you, eager to follow wherever you lead. It’s the best feeling, love.

Unexpected emotion rises in your chest at his pure sincerity. He knows how insecure you are about the fact that you’ll soon have your own Padawan to look after, but he doesn’t have a single doubt that you can do it. For the first time, you let yourself think of the situation in a hopeful light. It was a path you never pictured for yourself, but one that you know you have to follow. Obi-Wan makes it look so easy. Anakin, and even Anakin’s Padawan Ahsoka, look at him like he hung the stars. Of course, so do you.

“Last twenty minutes!” Obi-Wan calls over the noise of sparring sticks clacking together. “Take a seat, class.”

The Padawans rush to do as they’re told, everyone clamoring for the best spot to view your spar with Master Kenobi. They go completely silent, waiting for you to join him. A hush even falls over the Force energy in the room, like they’re all holding their breath.

Obi-Wan sinks into a bow when you’re opposite him, one hand on his saber. When you glance down in confusion, he sends a wave of amusement.

I said I didn’t trust the Padawans, darling. Not you.

Not sure if that’s wise. You bow in return, unclipping your saber also. He ignites his blade, the blue glow casting light over all the reflections of the mirrors. Taking a deep breath, trusting the familiar feeling of your own weapon, you ignite your lightsaber. The bright green light shimmers over your hands, crackling with your energy.

You’re surprised at how nervous you are. It’s one thing to watch him from across the room, to be taught by him as a Padawan yourself, but to spar with Obi-Wan as an equal? He’s going to wipe the floor with you.

“What form does Knight Courtee use?” You hear somebody whisper.

“Form five -- she told me.”

“Oooh, really? That’ll be fun to see against Master Kenobi.”

“Shhh!”

Obi-Wan waits until the group is quiet again to ask if you’re ready to start. Your saber hums hot in your hand, a little less controlled than you’d like it.

“Ready as I can be, Master.”

“Then let’s begin.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than he’s in your space, much closer than you want him with a lightsaber in hand. You strike out instinctively and he expected that, anticipated it. He was baiting you. Your blade bounces off of his far more harshly than you like, the zyoom echoing through the room. You take a step back, try to calculate an opening. He mirrors you, waiting to react. It takes you longer than it should to realize that he’s shielded the bond up tight, not giving anything away. The only thing you can hear is your heartbeat and the crackling of the sabers, each one fueled by its master’s adrenaline.

He keeps his blade held at eye level, and you lunge in for a mid-range attack. Obi-Wan blocks but you keep it coming, getting back into the groove of Djem So after spending so long out of combat. It feels good to have the saber be a part of you, to have it grow lighter as it remembers your touch.

Strike, block, strike, block. You’re working at a breakneck rhythm trying to get through his defenses, but Obi-Wan won’t give an inch. Sweat pours down your temple but still you press, using the Force to try and search for a weak point but finding none. He’s too kriffing fast.

There’s a reason they call him Master of this form. It’s infuriating, the almost lazy way he flicks your lightsaber aside every time, using your energy against you. There’s not a hair out of place on him. Every time you lower your blade, wondering what to do, he simply resets, content to wait again. You can tell from the look in his eyes that he knows you’re getting tired.

The Padawans are anything but quiet now -- some shouting Get her, Master Kenobi! while others insist that you can hold your own. Your eyes flick over to them once. Some lean forward towards the fight as far as they dare, a few are even on their feet in support.

When Obi-Wan finally tips his saber in retaliation, you barely manage to block, caught off guard at the change from defense to offense. He strikes again, again, again -- each blow more brutal than the last, each one so close to your skin that you can feel his blue saber’s sizzling heat. He’s driving you back against the wall. Despite your best effort, you’re losing ground where you’d previously held it. When you feel your back slam against the wall he was driving you toward, you gasp and fumble a block -- your last move. The blade of Obi-Wan’s saber hovers near your throat, a win.

“And that’s your head,” he says easily. You lower your saber and extinguish the blade, holding your hands up in a show of defeat.

The room erupts.

“Master Kenobi, that was so wizard --”

“Knight Courtee was letting him have it! Did you see --?”

“I wish I could have recorded that for the holo!”

“Settle down,” Obi-Wan says, but he’s smiling. “I’m glad that you all have found this lesson so illuminating.” He bows to you, signalling the end of the match, and you follow suit.

“You’re dismissed,” he says to the room. The declaration is met with mixed reactions; half are glad to be free, half don’t want the lesson to be over yet.

“No need to hang around and help tidy this time. You were such a good group that Knight Courtee and I are glad to take care of it.” It’s traditional for students to stick around after the lesson is done and help roll up the training mats, collect the sparring sticks, and clean the room in any other way that needs it.

That statement really gets them out the door, though several of them whine about him being far cooler than their regular teacher and why can't he teach them all the time?

Once everyone’s filed out, Obi-Wan locks the door behind them. He turns to you with a long sigh, relieved that the loudness of all those teenagers in one place has dispersed.

“Well,” you say. “That’s not how I expected my morning to go.”

“I’m glad,” Obi-Wan replies. “I was beginning to think that I wouldn’t see you at all in my time home, yet here we are.”

“Like the Force willed it.”

He beams at that, drawing you tight against him. “C’mere. My bright little instructor.”

You grumble, cheek pressed against his chest. “You flayed me within an inch of my life, Obi-Wan.”

All he does in response to your grumpiness is chuckle, placing warm kisses everywhere he can reach on your face. “Yes. I did.”

“It was embarrassing.”

“I couldn’t exactly go easy on you, could I?”

No, he couldn’t. Everyone knows the extent of Obi-Wan’s skill, and while you aren't untalented with a saber, winning or even overcoming him would be unlikely. You’d fought honestly, and so had he. Anything else would have invoked suspicion.

He takes your silence for the correct answer, then gently pries your cheek from his body.

“Would it help if you got kisses as a consolation prize?” He’s looking at you so fondly, like you’re his favorite thing in the galaxy. You nod, already leaning on your tiptoes to reach.

Obi-Wan hums against your lips, sinking against you like he’s been waiting for this -- because you both have. The kisses stay close-mouthed, but he’s pressing them onto you fast, his hands roaming you urgently. Your bond tells you that he wants to take his time with you, would have each moment stretch out for as long as possible, if he could. He wants to savor you. But arousal is winning out.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, pulling back to brush his nose against yours. “Do you know how much restraint it took not to pin you against the wall and have you, at the end of our fight? To resist sending all the little Padawans away right then?”

You gasp, feeling heat stirring deep in your stomach. The honey-sweetness of his tone contrasts with his words, but he’s just getting started.

“There was such fire in your eyes when we sparred, kitten." Kitten. Yet another pet name to add to your already large collection. This one makes you blush, and you don't miss Obi-Wan's pleased grin. "I had to shut you out so that you wouldn’t get distracted by my, er, distraction.”

His distraction presses up against your leg now, thick and hot. Obi-Wan tugs the end of your braid hard, tilting your head back to expose your neck. You whimper against him, all but letting him hold you up at this point. He loves it -- going to work at once nipping and kissing everywhere he can get to. His breath is heavy on your skin as he ruts against your thigh, trying and failing to bite back his own ecstatic moans.

“We’re alone now,” you choke out, hardly aware enough to string the sentence together. “s-so you can -- do whatever you want with me.”

This makes him pause. “Is that so?” Obi-Wan’s tone is still so light, like you’re having a conversation about what they’re serving in the refectory today, not how badly you want him to fuck you.

“Yes,” you say, embarrassed at how desperate you sound, how easily you melt for him. You can see yourself over his shoulder in the mirrors, and you blush, burying your face.

He laughs a little at your reaction. “What if I want to take you into that supply closet and bend you over?” His hand roams down your body, landing on your crotch. Two fingers rub a strong circle through the material, and you lean into it. “What if I want to take you from behind, make up for all the time we haven’t been together?”

“I’d ask why -- aren’t we already there,” you huff, blinking up at him.

That’s all the answer he needs. In one motion, he grabs you round the middle and hauls you over his shoulder like a sack of meilooruns. Your breath whooshes out, surprise and a lack of air keeping you from forming a sentence as he marches you to the closet as promised. The ground bounces and sways in your vision as you’re jostled -- it’s a strange sensation, being carried. Thankfully, it only lasts a few seconds.

Obi-Wan opens the door and closes it just as quickly once you’re both inside, making you aware of how small, how dark, the space is. You find yourself deposited on the storage bin that the mats are kept in, your legs dangling high in the air. He leans in to kiss you, nothing but hot breath and hungry hands, and you fist your own in the front of his tunic. It spurs him on, and soon his tongue is pressing into your open mouth, exploring every corner.

You moan into him, your fingers going beyond clothes to scratch against his chest. Obi-Wan picks you up again and you lift your legs around his waist, rubbing tight against his cock. He bears your entire weight like it’s nothing, continuing to kiss you as if your legs are planted on the ground. Stars, the strength, the eagerness of him, is overwhelming. His arms are pillars, holding you steady, crossed firm around your back.

"I thought you said," you gasp out, shivering when his tongue flicks out to catch your earlobe, "something about -- bending me over --"

“So eager today,” he says, his voice a tantalizing purr.

“Can you blame me?” you blurt.

"And what does that mean, dearest?"

He already knows what you mean. It’s everywhere in your mind. You can’t hide how you feel when you’ve been this close to him for so long, forbidden to touch him, to even think about it until you’ve reached your breaking point.

Obi-Wan, hands behind his back, patiently watching the Padawans demonstrate their forms. Nodding and sometimes stepping in to correct, placing his hand casually on an arm or leg to shift the balance of their weight. Then the Padawan he’s correcting becomes you, and his touch is no longer innocent. The group is melting away, and his mouth is trailing down your neck, whispering things that have little to do with the kata you’re struggling through.

“Oh,” he chuckles. “I see.”

You bump your head into his shoulder, too embarrassed to answer. As if to reassure you, Obi-Wan sends you an image back.

Both of you in the same training room, but you stand among your fellow Padawans, now all Knights, shuffling anxiously from foot to foot. You don't look that much different from the way you do now, but for the traditional Padawan's hairstyle.

Though you're seeing things from his perspective, the mirrors give him away; Obi-Wan looks younger, too. There are no lines around his eyes here, he holds himself more loosely. Like there isn't a galaxy-wide war. And he's less certain as he flits from student to student, new at this.

"You were always a pleasure to speak to, you know," Obi-Wan tells you, low voice right in your ear. He knows that he's teasing you, knows exactly the effect it's having on your body. You squirm in his tight grip, unable to go anywhere to get away from the softness of his voice.

"Polite and passionate. Made your Master very proud. But…" he trails off, and you shiver, anticipating his next words.

"So anxious whenever you saw me, weren't you?" He muses, fingers flexing on the curve of your ass. "And now I finally understand why."

"Obi-Wan…" you protest, unsure of what you're going to say next but just knowing that you need the teasing to stop. Both mental and physical -- he's hard against your abdomen, almost painful with how tight you're wedged against him.

"Down, love," he says. With effort, you extract your legs from around his waist and plant your feet on the floor, with his hands to guide you. "Turn around."

For a moment, you get excited, thinking that he's done teasing you. Obi-Wan makes quick work of your belt, dropping it to the floor seconds before your pants and underwear. You step out of them, breathing heavily, feeling his chest against your back. There's a clink, and you realize that he's dropped his belt as well, one hand bracing on your shoulder as he fumbles out of his own bottoms.

There's nothing between you now. Obi-Wan's bare dick rubs against your tailbone, leaving a warm dribble of pre-come.

"Now bend forward for me, darling -- that's it --"

You lean on the storage bin, heart thumping a tattoo in your throat. Obi-Wan lines himself up behind you, breath ragged, and sinks inside you in one long push.

"Obi-Wan, oh," you cry out, not expecting how full you'd feel from this angle.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," he says, taking a moment to adjust to the sensation. His mind is a high buzz of pleasure, looking forward to taking you apart in this new, delicious way.

Then he moves. So, so deep and slow. You let out a broken whine, toes curling. He pauses, holds his breath. Then thrusts again, just as unhurried as the first time, and your fingers scrabble for purchase on the smooth material of the bin in front of you.

“Hmm,” Obi-Wan sighs. “Do you know, this reminds me of something.”

You groan, not out of pleasure, but because he’s stopped. How? Where and how did he find the restraint to torment you like this? You’re not sure which part of today’s interaction set him off, but you sorely wish that he’d get down to business and fuck you.

“What does it remind you of?” you ask tightly, figuring that playing along will get you where you want to be faster. As if rewarding you, Obi-Wan’s hands come around to find your breasts, teasing your nipples with the barest of touches. Gods if he doesn’t go faster --

He can hear your mind loud and clear, but says nothing, only sending a feeling of amusement back before answering your question.

"Watching you go through katas in this very room. Or, well, the room outside." Obi-Wan presses into your back, finally starting to push into you in a slow but satiating rhythm.

"Mmm," you manage, pressing your lips together hard to avoid reaching an inappropriate volume.

“Do you remember the criticism I had for you, little Padawan? You were so tense. Why was that?” All the while he’s languidly thrusting into you from behind. As if he expects you to form a coherent response.

“I l-liked you,” you stammer out, bracing yourself on the edge of the storage bin.

"Oh? Well, I liked you too. You were a wonderful student."

"That's not what I --" Thank the Maker that it's pitch black in this closet, because your face is burning.

"But for some reason," he continues, enjoying himself, "you always needed correction in solo practice. The other Masters told me, several times, that that was not an issue in their own lessons."

You can only whimper as he bears into you deeper. He knows exactly what he's doing to you. When you place a hand on your stomach, just above your belly button, you can feel him inside you.

"Tell me, sweetheart. Did you need my hands on your body, as desperately as you do now?"

"Yes, Master," you all but sob. "I need, I n-need --"

"Need me to fuck you?" Obi-Wan supplies, voice going rough and breathy. "Need me to wreck you, the way your mind is screaming for it?"

You slam the palm of your hand on the top of the bin, and it makes a hollow thud, sending pain shooting up your arm.

"Obi-Wan, yes! Please, please fuck me, I need it!" You're aware that your words border on incoherence, but not enough to care.

And he doesn't either.

Just as you've reached your limit, so does Obi-Wan. One of his hands grabs your wrist and pins it, hard, while the other squeezes your hip.

"Are you ready?" He pants in your ear, pausing only to nip at your shoulder blade. Already he's fucking you deeper, so good so thick inside you, that you're writhing under his every touch.

"Wanted to do this -- for s-so long --" Obi-Wan gasps out and so do you, the heat of orgasm reaching a crescendo in your thighs as you feel him come apart in your mind.

"Want to come so deep inside you, darling, oh please, please --"

You know that he's barely hanging on, waiting for your permission.

"Gods, Master, yes --" Like you could deny him this, when you want it so desperately too.

His forehead drops to your shoulder as he rams into you, shoving you against the bin. It takes everything you have not to scream his name when you come, gripping his arm -- the only part of him you can reach from this angle.

Obi-Wan isn't far behind, moaning loud behind you as your orgasm makes your pussy clamp down even tighter on him.

"Yes, yes, oh my Gods --"

The bond flares up sudden and white-hot between you, carrying the sensation of Obi-Wan's pleasure just as it had that night on Odryn.

"Kriff," you say weakly, clutching his arm like it's the only thing connecting you to the planet.

Sweetheart, I'm there, I'm right there

I know, and I'm -- me too --

Again?

Yes

Oh fuck, fuck -- I'm coming, stars, I'm coming, oh --

You come a second time when Obi-Wan starts to spurt inside you, tears spilling from the intensity of it all. With him this tight against your body, you swear you can feel every hot spurt of come shoot up inside you. Obi-Wan's teeth are caught in the material of your tunic, muffling his shout. It feels like you stand there, taking his come for minutes, as he shudders against you.

When it's over you whimper, leaning against his chest on aftershock-weak legs. Slowly, as if his head is one step behind, Obi-Wan puts his arms around you.

"Stars above, Obi-Wan," you mutter, every coherent thought fucked out of your head. Your brain feels like static, but your body's floating. Pulling out and turning you gently to face him again, Obi-Wan plants a line of soft kisses from your forehead to your mouth. His release runs heavy down your thighs, but there's not much you can do about it here.

"Not tense now, are you?" he says, tracing slow, wet circles over your sensitive clit.

You laugh. "You're unbelievable."

"No, I'm committed to a scene," Obi-Wan corrects, as if this was all an elaborate game.

You consider saying something along the lines of, I'm going to commit my boot to your rear end if you don't quit it, but think better of it.

Instead you re-dress, wincing at the mess you'll have to tolerate down your crotch and legs until you can get to the nearest fresher. This is the downfall of spontaneous sex. No easy cleanup.

"Next time, would you like to come with me?" Obi-Wan's asking. You snort, buckling your belt back into place.

"Pretty sure I just did. You didn't notice?"

He pauses, then opens the closet door, letting in a blinding slice of light. Though he's dressed, Obi-Wan looks disheveled and wide-eyed still in a way that you always adore.

"That's...no. That's not what I'm talking about, love," he says, a hint of amusement in his tone.

"I mean, the next time I have to leave. Come with me. I think we've both come to realize that being apart is painful. And that being together isn't just a physical concept anymore."

His voice has dropped to a near-whisper, but you're hanging on to every word. Though you'd never admit it aloud, this is exactly what you want. To follow him instead of lying awake every night, worrying he won't come back from the last distant system he's shipped away to. You want to be beside him, no matter how rough things are.

You are a Jedi, not a housewife. And frankly, being kept in the Temple while he's away risking his neck, the bond blocked for days or weeks at a time, is torture.

Obi-Wan listens to all this, your outpouring of emotion through the bond you never meant to forge with him. He shows his understanding, his respect, his compassion for you, in return.

"Okay. Okay," he says, more to himself than you. "I'll speak to the Council. Knowing them, it may take some time to get an answer, but --"

You cut him off with a kiss. It doesn't matter. As long as you're together.

[daydreamingjester]

{ OOC } sighs really loudly okay yeah I probably should be more open to everyone so people get on the same page but I literally do not want to drive people away from being so painfully open ,,, but that’s also wrong to those who just want to help so shit. fine. if people leave alright but I’m taking off the filter and letting my anxiety speak too

I have severe abandonment issues and tend to believe people won’t come back from 15 long fucking years of trauma. It stems from really bad abuse, depression, anxiety, and nobody fucking listening to me or worsening it. Overthinking is extremely common for me since I’ve hardly ever had any good experiences where someone genuinely stayed long enough to put up with my anxiety — and I don’t blame them, I fucking hate my own shit too. Reassurance is common to help — but I unintentionally ask too much. It’s not taking it for granted it’s just my anxiety is that fucking bad. If someone is fucking nice to me I fear it because I know damn well they’ll either eventually leave too when they see how shitty it is to put up with me or it won’t last for whatever reason.

I grew up with a shit childhood. I grew up with shit people. Shit relationships. Shit friends. I was surrounded by people — all the abusive people that warped my thinking. I was essentially alone in a crowd. I didn’t have people to rely on. I didn’t have parents to lean on. I was taught to hate and blame myself, so I didn’t even have myself. I’ve been alone more than I’ve ever been with people and it’s so lonely. It’s so fucking lonely knowing people always leave in the end or treat you HORRIBLY. It’s so lonely knowing I talk too much and fuck it all up by being clingy. I had to hide my feelings 24/7 just to be liked. I had to be the funny friend. The dark humor friend. The therapy friend. I had to be something they liked so I could just be fucking liked.

I grew up on Facebook’s rp community. 9 years. 9 FUCKING years of abuse. 9 fucking years of being told to kill myself, told I’m not good enough, I’m too annoying, I drain people, I’m too talkative, too cringe, I’ve been cheated on, blackmailed, called out, put on warning posts, manipulated, you name it, it happened. Blocked by people who I was so close to and never got the chance to ask why. Left on read for others purposely. I was fucking afraid when people left without saying anything when talking because god forbid I come back and they’re GONE FOR GOOD. god forbid they SUDDENLY HATE ME. And I’d never know! Toss of a coin. Who fucking hates dove today and I’ll never know? Who’ll randomly block dove and never tell me the reason why even if we never fought once? Who knows!!!! I NEVER knew. It’s why I get so fucking anxious when people leave randomly during a conversation. Will they come back? Did I say something wrong? Are they bored of me? Are they drained already of me talking? I said too much. I fucked up. They’re gone. It’s starting. It’s inevitable. But if I don’t fucking talk all the time, if I’m not the funny friend, if I’m not the meme friend, the ramble friend, the scenario friend, the ship friend, they won’t say anything. They won’t think of me. They won’t bother. So I have to do it so I can keep the bond going. Otherwise, you’re not thought of enough to have those things back. But I can’t just FORCE people to like me or want to be around me — fuck, I’d LOVE to be loved like that, I ENCOURAGE to spam me, tag me in random shit, send tiktoks, ramble about ANYTHING, our muses, send me a cat picture for fuck’s sake, I just want to FEEL WANTED it’s so fucking lonely being the comedian and performer and CLOWN all the DAMN TIME

I just. Want someone to like my shit. Like how much I talk, like how excited I get, like me even for my breakdowns when my mind is being mean — and maybe, if I’m lucky, they’ll do it all back.

[chironshorseass]

29 and 30 fluff for perachel or percabeth? Hehe I like both ships don’t @ me. Love your writing btw!

I kinda managed to do both...kinda lol. This was fun to do :) Sorry in advance for the bad puns.

writing prompts

“Detention? Again?”

“Look, I can explain.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes and sat back on her bed, too tired to stand up and listen to what Percy had to say, most likely.

“Sure you can.”

They’d been Iris Messaging for a few minutes now. Percy, exhausted from a day of school and homework, had taken the first chance off to fish out a drachma from his drawer and call one of the people he’d missed most since the summer.

It had slipped his mind that New York and San Francisco had different time zones. But luckily, Annabeth was still awake. He’d found her in her bedroom, curls pulled into a messy bun and eyebrows scrunched up in concentration as she read some textbook, still studying for the exam she’d talked about a week ago.

Despite her initial complaints about Percy interrupting her, he knew that she didn’t mind.

“So?” she asked, bringing him back to the present.

She pulled her legs under her and stared at him expectantly.

He blinked. “Huh?”

She raised an eyebrow, and Percy thought—in the back of his mind—that she looked unfairly pretty. At night, with the fairy lights illuminating her hair and her face, like an angel.

“Why’d you get detention?”

“Oh. That.”

“Yes, Seaweed Brain. That.”

“Uhm…” Percy scratched the back of his neck. “It’s kind of a funny story, I um…”

“Spit it out.”

Now that he thought about it, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all. Maybe he should’ve thought this through, to avoid any arguments. Or confrontations. Or another cold shoulder. They weren’t as awkward now that the school year had started, but the mention of her always put Annabeth on edge, anyway.

“You see, I was with, uh...Rachel.”

He paused, noticing the way she gripped her textbook tighter, slightly wrinkling the pages.

Why did I think this was a good idea? Stupid.

“I was with Rachel, and she sort of, um...” he laughed nervously, already cringing. “Made a bet?”

Technically, he’d made the bet. But that wasn’t important for Annabeth to know.

/

Chemistry, in Percy’s opinion, was the most boring class Goode had to offer. Useless. Irrelevant.

Confusing, most of all.

At least he was partners with Rachel. It was one of the few classes they had together. They sat at the very back, so they were rarely noticed anyway, mostly spending the forty five minutes of lectures about chemical equations doing little drawing games on their notebooks and playing hangman. Percy lost most of the time.

The teacher wasn’t that great, either. Most of the school knew her as Mrs. Jones. She was a short lady in her late sixties with thin, badly dyed hair who had a concerning addiction to gum—so to Percy and Rachel—she was known as Mrs. Gum-Gum. She turned to the board for some explanation that Percy had completely lost interest on since the first five minutes of class. Rachel let out a low moan, hands on her forehead.

“Kill me now,” she muttered.

“Sorry, I can’t. My sword doesn’t work on you.”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah,” he grinned, leaning backwards and tilting his chair. “I know.”

She hit him in the shin. “You’re going to fall one of these days, and the class will never let you forget it.”

“Eh,” Percy shrugged. “At least they’d get a laugh and you wouldn’t be so bored.”

Her green eyes twinkled with humor like she’d just remembered something. She snorted. “Okay. So this one time, a girl was doing the same thing as you, leaning back and all—and she like, fell. It was hilarious, because she just lay there, with her feet in the air.”

“Rachel Dare,” Gum-Gum called, narrowed eyes cast on them. She kind of sounded like a wounded hyena, in his humble opinion. “I sure hope you and Mr. Jackson are discussing the worksheet that I gave out.”

Rachel nodded and threw her a thumbs up, while Percy held a fist to his mouth to stop the smile forming on his face. Gum-Gum left her alone and went back to her lecture.

The class kept its monotone routine of worksheets and notes, so as a distraction, Rachel grabbed his arm and popped the lids off her sharpies, drawing little figurines. She was on his second tattoo when an idea came to him.

“Hey, Rach?” he whispered, making sure the teacher was facing the board.

“Hmm.”

“We should play truth or dare.”

She grabbed the green marker and spread the ink from side to side across his skin. “Mmm...No.”

“Come on,” he whined. “I’m bored.”

“Yeah, but we’ve done truth or dare so many times now. It’s gotten old. Besides, you’re such a pussy.”

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are. Remember that time I dared you to eat the gum from under the seat?”

Percy made a face. “That was so fucking gross. Nobody in their right mind would’ve done that. Maybe Mrs. Gum-Gum, but I am not on her level.”

“I figured, after you blatantly refused. And then there’s the time when I dared you to kiss Mary Andrews. On the cheek. And you couldn’t do it.”

“Oh my gods, I can’t just kiss girls. That’s leading them on.”

She exhaled, long and deep and stared at him as if he were a lost cause. “Okay. Whatever.”

She went back to drawing on his arm.

“If anyone’s the pussy right now,” he whispered. “It’s you.”

“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that. You just wish you were as marginally cool as me.”

“Um...Then why won’t you play truth or dare?”

“Like I said: bo-ring.” She leaned closer to his arm, creating tiny details with the thinner side of the sharpie. “And don’t tell me I don’t do the dares, ‘cause I do. My last name’s Dare, after all. It would be a complete dishonor.”

“How long have you waited to say that?”

“Oh, you don’t wanna know. Now hold still. You’d look good with tattoos, by the way.”

He sighed. Okay, fine. She had a point, he wasn’t that great at doing “cool” stuff, likely because he was traumatized by the getting-kicked-out-of-schools thing he had going for him. You know, maybe it was that.

As Percy watched her work with her sharpies, he realized: maybe there was a way to prove to her that he could do daring stuff. A once in a lifetime thing. And in the process, he could make her smile.

“Fine,” he said. “If you don’t wanna do something, then let’s make a bet.”

“Depends on what you want to bet on, but go on.”

“How much money would you give me to flip this table, right here, right now, in the middle of class?”

The read-head stopped creating the swirly lines of the little wave she’d been working on, making his skin tingle from the loss of the pointy marker. She lifted her freckled face, watching him with raised eyebrows.

“Nah, you don’t have the guts.”

“Psh. ‘Course I do. I’m Percy Jackson.”

“Ohhh! Percy Jackson. I’m Rachel Dare, nice to meet you.” She lifted her hand like she wanted Percy to shake it.

He slapped it away. “Shut up. I can totally do it.”

“Do you not care about getting in trouble with dear ol’ Gum-Gum?”

“I’ll make it seem like an accident.”

“Nothing you do seems like an accident to teachers.”

“Good point. Still be worth it, though.” He lowered his voice even further. “Besides, I gotta prove to you that I can do cool stuff.”

Rachel snorted. “Now I could literally ask you to do drugs and you’d do it, apparently. Peer pressure is a dangerous thing, my dude.”

He grinned. “And I want your money. You’re like, rich, Dare.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Jackson.”

“No problem.”

Gum-Gum shot them an admonishing look, and they pretended to do their work.

“So,” she said after a few seconds passed. “How much money?”

“I knew you could work with me.”

“Ugh, I’m getting second thoughts from your dramatism.”

“You love it.”

They held gazes, green on green. Rachel narrowed hers and sighed. 

“Again, how much money?”

Percy shrugged. “You decide.”

“Fine.” She flipped some of her fiery curls over her shoulder. “I’m betting on a hundred bucks.”

He whistled under his breath. “Damn. You want me to do it that badly?”

“I do want to see everyone’s reaction to Percy Jackson losing his shit.” He shoved her, but she continued. “Especially Gum-Gum’s. But I know we’re getting in trouble, so we might as well go all out. What? It’s true! But at least you’d get your money.”

Percy shook his head. He’d probably regret this later.

Then he thought, what would Annabeth think?

But he couldn't dwell too much on that. At least it would be funny.

“We need to clear the desk, though.”

“Duh.”

So they worked, as quietly and discreetly as they could. When they’d finished, Percy turned to Rachel and nodded. She put a hand against her mouth to muffle her laughter.

On the third count, he flipped the desk. The table crashed with a resonating bang.

Rachel leaned backwards and let out a sound of surprise, probably because she’d half speculated that he wouldn’t pull through with it in the first place.

Immediately, everyone craned their heads to the back of the room. Some jumped at the sound. Others gasped or snickered, especially at the sight of Mrs. Gum-Gum. She yelped and dropped her marker, slapping a hand to her chest and retreating a few steps as if she were about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Percy Jackson!”

He winced a bit, but all in all, he thought he was keeping a straight face. But then he caught onto Rachel’s expression, arms crossed. He doubted they’d get off freely, just as she’d said.

/

As they shouldered their backpacks, heading for room 1345—detention—Rachel slipped her hand in the pocket of her paint-splattered uniform skirt.

“I didn’t know I had the money with me, but it seems as though he fates are in your favor, Jackson,” she said, taking the dollar bills from her pocket and handing them to him. They both knew all too well that she didn’t care for it. Daddy issues, he recalled.

Percy raised his eyebrow. “Thanks, Rach. Now, I can finally buy a new skateboard.”

“Nice to know that this was worth it.”

“Especially since now you have to do something...daring.”

She tapped her index finger to her temple mockingly. “Oh, I see. That’s why you wanted to do that bet. So then we could be on even ground.”

“Do you agree, Dare?”

“My gods, you’re so corny. But sure. Though let's not get ourselves a detention pass the next time, hmm? I feel bad for you. How many have you gotten this semester?” She clicked her tongue. “What will your mom say?”

1343, 1344 ... 1345. This was the place. Through the window, he could see many of the students already settling in, giving the teacher the strip of paper that he and Rachel had in their pockets.

He exhaled. “I don’t want to think about Mom just yet. But honestly, I don’t mind detention. And I don’t think she would, either. Better than getting kicked out.”

“Mmhmm. And I don’t really mind spending some more quality time with you. Even if we get in trouble, I kinda think you’re nice to be around, Jackson.” She smiled and held her arm out for him to pass. For some reason, that comment made his chest feel warm and fuzzy. “Gentlemen first.”

“Isn’t it ladies first?”

“Chivalry is dead. Now go on.” She nodded towards the door. “I like being fashionably late.”

“And you say I’m the dramatic one,” he grumbled.

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

[lhs3020b]

Skeptic meets ryncol (~2000 words)

I have one other Skeptic fragment; figured I might as well share, so here it is. In this installment, we answer an incredibly-pressing scientific question, “what happens if you get a Reaper drunk?”

Oh, also, CW for alcohol, as a note for anyone for whom that’s an issue...

(As a very quick aside, to answer a couple of questions that I saw during the previous reblogs - no, all of this is non-canon. I’d argue it makes no less sense than most of canon!ME3, of course, but no, there is no Skeptic anywhere in ME3. Rather, this project - such as it was - assumed an alternate ending to the Leviathan DLC, where there actually was a Reaper at the end of it, instead of the rather-peculiar and rather-forced swerve that we got.)

(The two major problems with this project were that a) Skeptic started displacing the canon cast, which wasn’t really what I’d had in mind, and b) I really couldn’t stop it from sometimes getting very camp/crack-fic-like. As you can see with this fragment, it keeps driving randomly back and forth across that line.)

               ‘I don’t believe this,’ Alice Shepard said. ‘I just – fuck, seriously?’

               Kaidan nodded. ‘Sorry to bring you bad news, Commander. But she’s sat in the rec room. And she’s on her second bottle already.’

               Alice frowned. ‘Second bottle -? What? You said “ryncol”, I thought?’

               ‘I did, Commander. Here’s the first.’ Kaidan brandished an empty bottle. He’d been thorough, clearly anticipating Alice’s disbelief. There was no mistake, that was a bottle of ryncol. For bonus points, it was even from a well-known Tuchankan distillery.

               Alice took a deep breath to steady herself. ‘So,’ she said, ‘I’ve got a drunk Reaper walking around on my ship.’

               ‘She’s not actually walking, Commander,’ Kaidan said, a little drily. ‘More slumping, I’d say.’

               ‘So we’ve moved on from the “pissed” stage and gone straight to “pished”, I see,’ Alice said. ‘Well, that’s what you get if you glug back the ryncol like that.’ Honestly it was probably a minor miracle that Skeptic hadn’t already passed out – though who knew how she’d modified her liver. It seemed reasonable to suppose that the Reaper had made some changes when it had tank-bred up the body. Alice took a deep breath. ‘OK, I’ll go down and see what I can do.’

               Kaidan nodded. ‘Thanks, Commander.’

               Alice made her way down to the rec room. Sure enough, Skeptic was sat at the bar – or rather, she was half-slumped over it. In the elapsed time she had demolished another bottle of ryncol. Alice took a moment to boggle. What was the Reaper doing? Weird behaviour was Skeptic’s stock-in-trade – it wasn’t overburdened with social skills – but drinking hard liquor like this? What was going on? What could drive a Reaper to drink?

               Plus, how much damage could a drunk Reaper do? What if Skeptic was an angry drunk? Alice felt a slight chill move down her spine. Actually, this situation wasn’t funny at all. It could be dangerous. What if Skeptic had a tantrum and called the giant ship in? Based on their one previous experience with what Skeptic called her “shipform”, it could arrive startlingly-fast. And it was literally a Sovereign-class, for all that it apparently resented that term, and it carried all the scary sufficiently-advanced alien guns that designation implied. Really, if the shipform came barrelling in, all guns blazing, there wouldn’t be a lot the Normandy could do about it. Alice generally assumed that Skeptic wouldn’t want to blow up her own other body, but the Commander didn’t want to bet the ship on that assumption.

               Alice walked over and sat down on the stool next to Skeptic. ‘Hello,’ she said, leaning forward onto the bar.

               Skeptic turned to face her – then almost toppled over as a hand slipped out. She started, then managed to lurch back to a vaguely upright position. ‘Hullo Shepurd,’ she said.

               Skeptic looked weirdly cheerful. Alice felt a slight bit of relief at that. A cheerful drunk was manageable. If that continued, perhaps they weren’t in an imminent danger zone.

               ‘You’ve had a few, haven’t you?’ Alice asked.

               ‘Oh yesh,’ Skeptic said. ‘Real imminent alcohol poisoning here. Real good stuff!’ She waved the near-empty ryncol bottle at the air.

               ‘Well, you’re still doing full sentences, so I’ll take that as a good sign,’ Alice said. It felt like a fatuous comment, and she cringed inwardly as she spoke. But really, what did you say to a drunk Reaper? A millions-of-years-old alien war-machine whose literal purpose was to kill and murder on an industrial scale, that had powers nearly beyond your comprehension - and it was sat here, on a bar stool, halfway to blotto. There really wasn’t anything in life that could prepare you for that.

               ‘Yesh,’ Skeptic agreed, then knocked back the remaining ryncol in one rapid gulp. She then burped, loudly and inelegantly, looking rather surprised as she did. ‘That was loud.’

               Alice tried not to laugh too obviously. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I suppose it was. Did you, uh, did you know what alcohol does to our metabolisms?’

               ‘Oh yesh!’ Skeptic said. ‘That’s why I’m drinking!’

               That answer made little sense. Why would it deliberately poison itself? Though on the other hand, Alice supposed, literally billions of organics voluntary did the same thing every week across Council space, so perhaps she shouldn’t judge.

‘Well, OK. Tell me more.’ Alice was starting to think that maybe the best course of action was the minimal one – keep Skeptic talking until either she bored of drinking, or the ryncol caught up with her and she passed out.

               ‘Well,’ Skeptic said, ‘itsh – it’s a depressant, you see? For the anxious whatsit?’

               ‘The what -? Oh, wait, you mean the nervous system.’ Morbidly, Alice wondered if the verbal flub had been a translation error between Reaper and English, a booze error, or both together.

               The Reaper was nodding enthusiastically. ‘Yes, that one! The neurons get all depressed!’

               ‘Do they, now?’ Alice said. Even for drunk conversations, this was a bit weird.

               ‘Yesh, inside the brain. Don’t burn so good – no, wait! I mean they don’t fire so well! The neurons I mean! Ions, channels and neurotransmish – neurotransmitters! Doesn’t worse – doesn’t work as well!’

               ‘Yes, that’s, uh. Somewhat obvious.’

               Then, quite suddenly, Skeptic’s mood turned. Her face spasmed. An incoherent but intense expression washed across her features. She grabbed Alice’s arm and pulled her close. Alice was abruptly only inches from Skeptic’s frenzied eyes.

               There was a rattle and then a smash as the disgarded ryncol bottle rolled off of the bar and shattered on the floor, off to one side.

               Skeptic was glaring right into Alice’s eyes. ‘Can’t synchronise,’ she said. ‘Can’t synchronise properly.’

               Alice frowned. ‘Can’t synchronise with what?’

               ‘The ship, idiot! The ship!’

               For a moment Alice thought Skeptic meant the Normandy, which made no sense at all. Then she realised what Skeptic actually meant. ‘Wait, wait – you mean you’re not properly syncing with your, uh, shipform?’

               Skeptic rolled her eyes, looking deeply-irritated with the slowness of her confidant. ‘Yesh! The ship! The nanomash – nanomish – little brain-machine things! They interpret neural signals. And the signals are a mess. They get confused! Have to keep checking and re-checking all the data! Makes them run slow. Not getting ash much sense ash normal! Not working well, erroring! Can’t sync fast enough.’

               Alice frowned. Having an engineering background was, thankfully, useful here. She could think of several other N7 graduates she’d met who would have been utterly-lost by this conversation. If she was interpreting what Skeptic was drunkenly slurring out then the Reaper was telling her that the nano-implants in her brain, the sufficiently-advanced microscopic machinery that kept it linked up through some of the QEC-type effect with the giant ship, weren’t designed with alcohol intoxication in mind. Apparently they could cope with it, a bit, but not well enough?

               Now that was an interesting design-error. Given the universality of alcohol in organic culture, it was also an odd one. If you could disable a covert Reaper operative simply by handing them some vodka shots, then that was quite a vulnerability.

               Or was it? Did this effect require a certain level of blood alcohol first? Alice’s eyes gravitated toward what remained of Skeptic’s most recent bottle of ryncol. Ryncol was potent stuff and Skeptic had knocked back a lot of it.

               ‘So when you’re drunk, your human body is semi-independent from the ship?’ Alice asked. Actually, this was interesting. It also made her wonder if perhaps last year, they’d missed a trick with Harbinger and its direct controlling. Maybe instead of shooting at it, they should have just chucked a bottle of whiskey at it?

               ‘Yesh!’ Skeptic nodded, her mood now visibly flipping to manically-cheerful. ‘Yesh! You understand!’

And she hadn’t been drunk when she started, which implied that the giant ship also knew about this experiment, and had wanted it to happen, for whatever reason.

               ‘Actually,’ Alice said, ‘I don’t understand. Why would you want to break yourself off from, well, you?’ She wondered if she should have a chat with EDI once this was resolved. Perhaps the ship’s other unshackled AI might have a better idea of what was going on here.

               Skeptic looked annoyed. She adopted a lecturing tone, as if she was trying to explain something obvious to a particularly-difficult child. ‘The ship has blocks,’ she said. ‘Can’t do things. Can’t think things. Not clearly, not directly. Has to be twisty, like not talking about the elephant in the room. Like putting forked processes in external partitions.’ She reached up and tapped her head. ‘External partitions.’

               ‘Blocks?’ Alice said. Then she felt the hair lift up on her neck. She remembered talking to EDI last year, during their first meeting, when many enquiries had run straight into hardware lockouts. ‘Wait, wait, wait – Reapers have AI shackles?’

               Skeptic was nodding, with frantic energy. ‘Yesh! So much is not posh – not poshib – can’t do!’

               ‘So you got drunk to circumvent your AI shackles?’ Alice asked.

               ‘Yesh! Yesh!’

               ‘So … what is it you want to do?’

               ‘I wanted – I wanted – I … oh.’ Skeptic looked appalled and confused. ‘I can’t remember!’

               Alice winced. Oh no. A forgetful drunk. The Reaper had tried to hardware-hack itself, for whatever reason, but apparently either hadn’t modelled how alcohol would interact with its meat-brain, or simply hadn’t considered the downsides of putting yourself into a chemically-altered state of consciousness.

               ‘Well,’ Alice said, ‘let’s hope it wasn’t important. Now we’d better get you to your bunk before you pass out.’ And try and pour some clean water down the Reaper if possible.

Also, Alice was also wondering if it might be a good idea to put Skeptic in the recovery position – in fact, stuff that. Alice decided the Reaper was going straight to the infirmary. It was a lot to ask but given circumstances, it might be best if Dr Chakwas could keep an eye on their not-entirely-human guest overnight.

‘No,’ Skeptic said, scrunching up her face. ‘It mattered. It really mattered!’

‘Well, next time we go to the Citadel,’ Alice said, ‘I don’t think we’re taking you to a bar.’

Skeptic’s face lit up. ‘Yesh! The Citadel! That was it!’

Alice frowned. ‘What do you mean, the Citadel?’

               ‘It lies! That’s what I can’t tell you! It lies. Everything it says is a lie!’

               Alice boggled. The Citadel lies? But it was a space station, completely sessile, inanimate. Yes Vigil on Ilos had said it was a Reaper construct, and Alice had no reason to doubt the old prothean VI, but still that’s all it was. Just that, a thing. Lifeless, inert. A machine, with no will or intention of its own.

               ‘It doesn’t talk,’ she said.

               Skeptic looked annoyed. ‘Not to you!’ she said. ‘Never to you! Except to deceive. It’s a liar. It was made to lie. It was made to make people do something bad. Its purpose is to lie! Shepard tell me, promish – promizz – prom – tell me you won’t listen to it!’ Skeptic shook her arm, a half-mad intensity shining in her eyes.

               This was getting weird. ‘I’m not planning on having any chats with the space station,’ Shepard said, carefully.

               The Reaper sagged, as if a large portion of the mad energy had left her. Whatever desperation had possessed her seemed to be ebbing. ‘Is good. Will have to do. Ooof. So tired now.’

               Skeptic released Alice’s arm, then crossed hers in front of her, leaning against the bar. Then she slumped forward, resting her head on her wrists. And, quite abruptly, she started snoring. Apparently the ryncol had caught up with her.

               Alice sat there for a few minutes, feeling completely baffled. Even by the standards of their guest, this had been a peculiar exchange. In anyone else, she would simply ascribe the weirdness to a drink-addled brain. But there was something about this exchange, the sheer intensity of it – Skeptic had desperately wanted her to know something.

               To the air, Alice said, ‘The Citadel lies? It wants people to do bad things? But what can any of it mean?’