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My Reflections on Octopath Traveler 2: Part 4
...Continued from Part 3.
Part 1 here. Part 2 here.
Spoilers continue below.
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Dancing to Music That Deepens and Draws Everything Together
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I’ve made no secret that I’m a fan of the original Octopath Traveler’s music, and even in the time between finishing this game and writing this reflection, I’ve been fanboying about the sequel’s music just as much, if not more.
Because, once again, music was masterfully employed in this game to enrich it to a degree that I don’t think I could envision this game in any other way. While I may not have a great technical understanding of music, I still want to speak on my admiration for this game’s soundtrack.
As before, the themes for regions and locales are quite evocative of their themes and environmental characteristics, making great use of varying instrumental choices to truly land you in that location in your mind as well as in the game. New Delsta’s music enhances that feeling of a vibrant city on the rise in an era that’ll likely soon see automobiles replacing carriages. Cropdale retains its pastoral charm with slow sweet tunes. Hinoeuma’s downtrodden conquests have a slow, sombre tune that evokes the eastern cultures adapted to those desert lands.
There’s also plenty of great mood music to fit appropriate moments of plot in the game, from upbeat tones reflecting displays of kindness to truly dark pieces that evoke disgust for the villains we’re fighting throughout the game.
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But of course, we have music to complement the characterization of the travelers themselves, each of them having their own theme evocative of their attitude and the mood of the story associated with them once again.
Throné has a mournful, almost tragic piece that speaks to her desire for freedom amidst the chains of her upbringing, relying heavily on violins and the like to drive the point home.
Similarly, Osvald’s slow, low tune is brooding and measured like the man himself, as though the piece itself is calculating his revenge with its strings and piano. Yet, it’s not completely without emotion, illustrating the rage and sadness buried beneath.
Temenos’ has an oddly charming theme to match his wit, evoking his crime-solving nature and the mystery he’s confronted with while relying on woodwinds and strings to raise and drop tones in and out of the darkness he’s confronting.
Partitio’s theme is decidedly more modern, using more electric instruments, saxophones, and a jazzy beat to drive home that Partitio’s story is about the oncoming industrial revolution while also preserving his good and upbeat nature.
Cassti’s theme starts slow and spread-out with a hollow, echoing quality that encapsulates her amnesia before tipping up into a slightly firmer and progressive tone to emphasize her caring and dedicated nature as an apothecary. I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention the reprise of this theme at the end of chapter three, which substitutes and subdues most other instruments and sounds for a slow solo piano echoed distantly to pair with the tragic revelations thrust on her with the return of her memories.
Hikari’s theme is decidedly heroic, starting low and gradually building, leaning heavily on the eastern influences that come with the cultures Ku and its neighbours. It tapers its intensity in the latter half, evoking Hikari’s peace-loving side.
Agnea’s theme is as yearning and hopeful as she is, playing with stringed instruments, woodwinds, and accordions to accentuate her pastoral origins with Celtic influences.
Ochette’s is upbeat and excitable, reflecting her eagerness to commit to her quest to protect Toto’haha, accented by instruments that reflect her tropical origins.
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All of these are wonderful songs on their own, but then the composer decided to iterate on them further. Reprises of these songs can be found in each of their pre-boss-battle compositions. While the first game did something similar, keeping equivalent instrumentation to their main themes, they weren’t iterations of the themes (so far as I could tell).
In this sequel, they decided to ensure that connection was made by taking each character’s theme and increasing the tempo and changing some instruments to create something more intense but still allowing for easy recognition. While the transitions between pre-battle themes and the actual boss battle themes weren’t quite as adaptable (at least to my ears) as the previous game’s transitions, I still think they were well constructed and well executed to serve their purpose, and I think the gain outweighed any small loss on that part.
For me, my favourite “In pursuit of ____” tracks (the pre-battle themes for each character) were “In Pursuit of Legends,” “In Pursuit of Revenge,” and “In Pursuit of Memories.” That last one especially, related to Castti, became my favourite because it so intensely contrasted her slower main theme, showing the decidedly huge difference between Castti as a caretaker and Castti as a combat-ready authority figure who was willing to do everything she could to save lives. This theme cemented itself in my head as my favourite in the lead-up to the battle with Trousseau, and it’s not likely to leave my head anytime soon.
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And the character-driven music didn’t stop there. The composer went a step further and added these intense themes to the second half of each of the characters’ final boss music (specifically in the “The Journey for ____ Ends” tracks). Adding these themes to the in-battle tracks makes these final, pitched, climactic battles seem so much more personal for each character, and I’m so grateful the composer thought to do this.
There is one exception to this, however: Agnea. But we can still be grateful for the fact that, in preference to another “Journey Ends” track, we got “The Song of Hope” out of it, helping to separate Agnea from her fellows’ musical compositions, which seems appropriate given her story’s focus on performance and art.
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The battle themes themselves are also quite good. While the normal monster battle themes are fun, the cream of the crop is clearly the boss battle themes. Besides the aforementioned specific character-oriented themes, there are three tracks dedicated to story bosses and another dedicated to bonus bosses found in random dungeons or the overworld. My favourite of these is called “Critical Clash 1,” and it’s my favourite because it has the rising violins that absolutely killed me when Osvald did his special shout during his Chapter 4 boss fight. I’m already a fan of intense violins in music, but that moment cemented this song as my favourite boss theme, and I’m not remotely ashamed of that bias.
And, often overlooked is the power of complete silence. This game does not forget that, with the final chapter boasting long drawn-out silences as an eternal night falls on the world, only to pick up into creepy tones when you’re coming upon a place that is especially rife in dark power. The dissonance in both these choices is a great option that, especially in games, tends to be forgotten.
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All this fantastic musical effort supplemented this already great game in ways I don’t think I truly comprehend. But I do know that I have been listening to this soundtrack repeatedly for the last few weeks since I finished the game, and I have yet to tire of it.
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Eight Ideas Striding Alongside One Another Toward a Final Work

Octopath Traveler and its sequel Octopath Traveler 2 are strange beasts. The idea of cobbling together eight completely separate narratives—and not just B-plots, but eight full-on stories meant to be equivalent to one another—and tying them together through common threads is a challenging idea to plan and execute. In my opinion, the previous game didn’t quite nail this ambitious endeavour.
Each of the character’s stories in the first game had value and was intriguing to some degree in its own right, but the method tying them all together felt very loose and subdued in a way that made it feel less momentous than it ought to have been.
I’m not sure if the developers recognized this failing themselves or if they read reviews or feedback given to them that spoke to this, but whatever means that brought it to their attention was clearly enough because they very capably corrected those errors this time around.

The stories in Octopath Traveler 2 were, in my opinion, much stronger individually, and the ties that bound them together, while not entirely without flaw, felt like a much more natural weave that held them together like the unified quilt they wanted this game to be.
Moreover, they did not just manage to bind together better in their narratives, but in their themes too. The game’s themes crossed over myriad stories and even side stories.
Hikari and Partitio’s stories both showed issues with class struggles from different angles.
Parentage, for its goods and ills, had roles in Agnea’s, Throné’s, and Osvald’s stories—and to a smaller degree in Hikari’s.
Sibling dynamics were a huge factor in and between numerous stories, with major examples being Hikari and Mugen, Oboro and Ori, and Ritsu and Mikka (and let’s not get started on the weird half-sibling dynamics of the Blacksnakes).
The major theme of the game’s overarching narrative with Vide was the transition from day to night to day again, drawing back to the game’s ability to let you shift between the two.
But, in my opinion, the biggest theme between all these stories and the final chapter was hope.
Agnea’s story championed this idea most passionately, but the restoration of hope also played a major role in Osvald’s character shift following his Chapter 4 when he learned Elena was still alive. Partitio, while not explicit about hope in his declarations, wanted to bring hope to people all over by making sure the steam engine could benefit everyone. Throné, even in her bleak narrative, had to keep hope alive to pursue her freedom.

This last theme resonated strongly with me perhaps because I enjoyed this game during a time when I was deprived of something I sorely needed and hampered my every effort every day. This, when I was already in a very poor mental and physical space, was difficult for me to cope with. But then I finally picked up this game, played it, and found myself uplifted by it. Even with its dark moments and the heavy emotions that came with them, this game let me see a light at the end of its tunnel and my own.
I’m not saying this game changed my life—at least not in a way I’m aware of yet. But it helped me through a rough time when I really needed it, and I’m grateful to it for that.
Does that make me see it in a more positive light than if I’d approached it with a more level head? Perhaps, though I’d like to hope that in typing this up weeks after the fact, I’ve managed to attain a slightly more objective view.

Regardless of whether or not that’s true, I don’t think I can be dissuaded from the idea that this game was a massive step up from its predecessor. Octopath Traveler 2 took the groundwork built up by Octopath Traveler and polished it to a neat, crisp shine on all fronts, from story to game design to music.
Are there improvements to be made still? Yes, naturally. Nothing is perfect and nothing will ever be perfect, least of all to everyone.

So, in the end, what’s my verdict on it?
Well, as I have not done and will continue not to do in these reflections, I will not assign it a score. All the things it does right and wrong are personal to me, and I don’t think I can or should drape my opinion on something as flimsy as a number. There’s too much to consider and too much variation in preference to be able to represent it like that.
What I will say is that I consider this to be one of the best RPGs I played in over a decade, perhaps longer. I loved the original Octopath Traveler, but I didn’t expect this one to go so above and beyond. It corrected so many issues I had with the original, and I can only hope a theoretical third instalment will do the same, should it come into being.
From a game about hope, and one that preserved my hope during a difficult time for me, I put more hope yet into the world for a worthy successor to this game.
In the meantime, if you have any interest in this style of RPG, I give it a hearty recommendation, though if you’ve read through all this to see this recommendation and haven’t played it… well, I apologize for spoiling most of it for you already.

Still, if you’re interested, make sure you set aside several dozen hours, if not at least a hundred. Eight stories and everything else tangled up in it takes a while. But I assure you it’s worth every minute.
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Part 1 here. Part 2 here. Part 3 here.
#Octopath Traveler 2#Octopath Traveler II#Octopath#Ochette#Ochette Octopath#Castti Florenz#Throné Anguis#Throne Anguis#Osvald V. Vanstein#Osvald Vanstein#Partitio Yellowil#Agnea Bristarni#Temenos Mistral#Hikari Ku#Part 4 of 4#Where I speak of music and my final conclusions#And it's doooone!#This took so long to write and edit and format for Tumblr#But I can finally be happy I got all these thoughts out of my head and onto something else#If any of your read ALL this#You're a saint and you're awesome!#That's over 20k words of Octopath fanboying and critiquing#I hope you all understand the depths of my love for this game now#As if my queue wasn't enough XD
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...so I completely forgot that (2) (more) people were interested in Siltcurrent. (Akuma!Ishmael)
Anyway I'm gonna be posting the text under cut because. It's A Lot. And there's a 10 image limit so I can't just screenshot my ramblings
Some Context for LCB moots/readers who have not seen MLB: Akumas are butterflies made by the show's villain (Hawkmoth) who target people experiencing negative emotions, usually said emotions influence how their villain self acts and what their powers are
Extra context for anyone confused: basically a while back I made an AU where Ishmael is the Ladybug (Scarlet Ardor) and Don is the Black Cat (Chatvalier). The aim of the game is bringing glory to yuriville here Also note that they're both in university in a modern AU where we aren't in the shitfest called the City for obvious reasons
Mid edit apple: now should probably be a good time to mention the entire context of the scenario here is that Ishy tries to confess to Don, gets rejected (as Ishmael) and accepted (as Ardor) at the same time. So in attempt to logic away her hurt she tries to figure out why Don likes Ardor better (Ishmael knows Don is Chatvalier (accidental); Don does not know Ishy is Ardor) but in doing so she attracts an Akuma and turns into Siltcurrent thanks faust
Mid edit apple 2: i'd like to clarify that 90% of these writings were written at 3am while i was delirious on sleep deprivation with all of my impulse controls dead on the floor
(Writings will be indented; ramblings will be in bullet points)
So! Siltcurrent! Ishmael Akuma!!
Akumatized late at night (roughly 11pm maybe) but it isn't noticable for the first few days
Illusion subset of powers; Siltcurrent conjures up a form of Ardor to try to keep up some form of normalcy
Omori vibes; as in, everything seems normal but there is something Wrong
Physiology:
Half-blind; Siltcurrent can only identify colors and vague shapes
Exception is Chatvalier/Don, she knows Exactly what to look for and it's Very Hard to trick her
Because Dream Devouring Siltcurrent reference, flouresents!
Bandages. Everywhere. Especially in the heart area
The bandage covering her chest is trying to hide a wound that looks like a lance ran through it
Constantly crying, like deadass her tears are flooding the place
Basically she looks like that fucked up Blind Obsession mer KoishiJSM drew
Oh, yeah, have I mentioned this fucker can break into your dreams?
It gently held her hands, adoration and malice waging war in its one visible eye, both combining into a new emotion that could only be possibly described as obsession.
"I love you," it said, gently kissing above her eye "I love hate love hate love hate..."
Its near-fanatical murmurs eventually petered out into a low whine, resting its head in the crook of her neck.
"You ruin me. Ruin me so much... I hate it I hate it, love you hate you love it love it please keep going please please please..."
(^^ this is a dream sequence; coincides with the last point i made)
(Siltcurrent keeps visiting don's dreams because her horrible compulsion keeps making her do it, otherwise she'd go even more insane for not acting on said compulsions)
Akuma has killed her impulse control so her intrusive thoughts are running rampant
She has at least enough self control to not go... Too Far, at least
(This lack of impulse control from "Ishmael" and "Ardor" is one of the things that tip off Don that something's wrong because honestly she's pretty smart despite what others say)
Very Avoidant of Don (as "Ishmael")
Like. Yk how ayano's like in yansim? Yeah basically
Mild yandere(?) mode now that i think of it
Like. She sees that Don's given someone else more attention than usual too and immediately tracks them down before pestering them about her (mainly like. Asking why she's been around them more, if they learned anything about her during their interactions, etc etc; comes off as overbearing and creepy)
It causes people to steer clear of don because nobody wants to deal with "ishmael"

This one needs screenshots i can't do it justice otherwise
Queequeg's..... Somewhere.
I don't know what exactly happens I just know the end result is that Ahab did A Thing and now our sailor has Trauma. Yk, usual limbus shit
Whatever the fuck happened broke Queequeg and her apart
Idk what it is exactly (could be death or other circumstance, probably the latter because.. cool leg) but whatever it is caused her to not quite. Open Up™ as a defense response
"I've been burned once, I don't want to be burned again"
"Don't go... don't go..."
Torrents of water began to fall from the sky, as if a god had punctured a hole in the clouds. Flooding the place and dragging her under.
"Please don't go..."
The thing pressed its body against her, eye searching for any reaction she had
"Empty... so empty... why do I keep breaking?"
"Why am I always hurt?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Don woke up again, managing to stifle a shout before she ended up waking the entire household.
(She swore she heard a choked sob off in the distance)
(^^ This one's a little rougher, but also another dream sequence)
(Side note: this one and the previous one were in italics because i used italics to distinguish my writing from my rambling in those entries and i'm too lazy to deitalicize them)
Ardor tentatively stepped towards Chatvalier, smile too stiff to be sincere; too wide to be human, her blue eyes desperately searching for something as she lifted a hand, only to awkwardly let it flop beside her.
(Her eyes were supposed to be green; a near-golden shade of olive that reminded Chatvalier of the first leaves heralding fall.)
"Hey, Chatvalier." Ardor spoke, her voice barely above a whisper yet still carrying through the space between them. "I..."
"Release Lady Ardor at once."
"Ardor's" smile faltered, her hands trembling with some deep-seated emotion.
"Chat, please." Its voice cracked as it took more steps towards the cat, "It's me, It's really-"
"Silence, wretch." Chatvalier spat, lowering her stance and pointing her staff at it. "Thou shall not decieve me; release her at once."
Its smile vanished completely, a tear sliding down its cheek.
Then, with a booming roar, a mighty wave crashed down on the fake.
(^^ beginning of what I like to call "Act 2", basically Don figures out Ishy's gotten Akumatized and something's Wrong with Ardor but instead draws the conclusion that Ishy kidnapped Ardor she mentioned she loved Ardor)
(Don't ask how I know my middle english I don't remember either (and if its janked anywhere please tell me))
Fun fact i originally used cur instead
But then i remembered the word wretch existed and went "yeah that's more in line with an absolutely pissed off Don"
"What do you want from me?!" The Akuma wailed, its head whipping around as it tried to find the flash of gold it so dearly adored, "Why are you doing this to me?!"
It screamed as it felt something stab into its tail, twisting around and throwing Chatvalier off of it, trying to shake off the pain from its mutilates tail
"Have I not told you, cur?" She shouted back, flourescent blood staining her boots as righteous fury burned in her eyes.
"Thou hath harmed mine lady, and it is mine duty to deliver retribution onto thee!"
(^^ I can't fucking figure out how I want the last line to go)
(The tail stabbing is a minor nowhere is north reference lmao; one of my drafts for siltcurrent's appearance is that she has twisted legs for a tail ala Mili's bathtub mermaid art)
Chatvalier watched in both horror and morbid fascination as the akuma writhed on the ground, screaming in frustrated agony as it clawed against its bandages, the fight all but forgotten.
"I DON'T HAVE ARDOR! I CAN'T GIVE HER BACK TO YOU!" It screamed at Chatvalier, tears overflowing as its voice went hoarse, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO?! WHAT DO I DO?! TELL ME!"
Before she could even formulate a response, or even a short quip, it dug its claws into itself, a guttural roar ripping out of its throat before a sickening thump landed on the rooftop.
A still beating heart rested at Chatvalier's feet.
(^^ something possessed me to write this and it just. Ended up becoming an important thing in my outline)
(Discord between me and @/scriptum-pandemonium (tell me if i you want these off tbe post pls))
Speaking of here's more stuff (spoilered because body horror (vague) which i added because. C'mon, this is a limbus au, i should be able to ramp up the violence to blood and (some) gore levels)
Hell yeah up the gore and horror
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE HEART
:>
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Delulu this akuma just has multiple hearts, octopus time
Honestly my original idea is that like, through magic bullshit she's still perfectly ok (still in pain because. Literally ripping your heart out. But. Y'know.)
If I may build on the banger lines you put down, maybe when it's over donqui pulls Ishmael in for a long hug just so she can hear the beating of Ishmael's heart in her own chest
:0
(Shoutout to Blue and the gang at Halcandra btw this was largely inspired by Magiajam)
Shaky, labored pants filled the silence between them. The villain's hair - Ishmael's hair, shadowed its face.
Only its eye was visible; the eye looking at her with so much manic hate, sadness, obsession...
Love.
The heart continued to faintly beat.
"Take it." She gasped, a bloodied claw gingerly covering the gaping, bleeding hole in her chest, "just take it and leave."
Chatvalier couldn't. How could she, anyhow? Anyone who saw such a grosteque sight would be paralyzed in shock, too.
A small sniffle snapped her out of her spiral, looking up to find the akuma desperately trying to wipe its tears away.
"Please..." it hiccuped, desperately trying to steady its breathing.
Then, a whisper.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-"
It started wailing again, babbling a thousand apologies at once as it began to crawl back to the waves.
"I'msorryIcan'tbeherI'msorryIdon'tknowwhyyouloveherI'msorryIcan'terasetheuglymeandbebeautifulforyouI'msorryyouhavetoseemeuglyI'msorryI'mnotperfectforyou-"
Somewhere through the storm of sorrow, Chatvalier found that her feet had tried to bring her to the villain; to Ishmael.
But when she raised a hand to try and stop her, she was already gone.
All that was left was a patch of flourescent, bloodied water, and a single glass shard.
(^^ arguably one of my favorites; I am in so much pain!)
[...] sorry for being not ardor, for being ugly, for not being perfect [...]
It's been a few days since her confession. Ishmael has gotten over the rejection. Definitely. Yeah. It wasn't like... it wasn't like it was the end of the world or anything. She and Don were still friends. (Right?) (Right...) (....hopefully.) No, the self reflection notes weren't about Don. She was just... curious about herself. Yeah, that's it. Nothing to do with how she told her that she reserved her heart for Ardor. (She didn't even question it; she knew Don was Chatvalier, her annoying, endearing, ever loyal partner, who'd gladly throw herself into harm's way if it meant she'd be safe.) Nope. This was only because she saw a curious ad on the internet. A few days ago. (What did she do differently as Ardor?) She checked her notes again; a list of traits she'd describe herself as, another one for the her with the mask. (She impulsively checked her phone for the time.) (A small part of her scolded her for getting distracted so quickly.) What made her and Ardor different? What did she lack outside of the mask. She was just curious; absolutely nothing to do with the proverbial daggers in her heart. Nothing to do with impressing the girl who stole her heart. It's fine. She's fine. She isn't hung over it. It doesn't hurt. Does not hurt at all. Not in the slightest. In fact, she's over the rejection. She's perfectly fine! Just great. Peachy, even. Everything will go back to what it was tomorrow. She shouldn't be fretting over this, the weekends should be enjoyed right? So yes, she's fine. Nothing to worry about. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't... ... "Good evening, Siltcurrent."
(^^ this one's big, I just kinda gave up on editing this to fit tumblr format here)
(Anyway this is me trying to portray OCD and may or may not be me somewhat venting/projecting)
[...] Ishmael desperately trying to logic it together because she's fine it's not even a total rejection, Don Quixote just loved her hero self and not her ordinary self
[...] donqui is a bit self conscious because here she is, rejecting one of her best friends because of a what must seem like a celebrity crush that could never happen
[....] personally I like to think after the Realization™ (figuring out chalier was donqui) Ish started seeing her in a different light [...]
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[...] theres something sad in Ishmael being the only one that realizes the truth, because Ishmael's been the one to see the entirety of Donqui as both a civ and chatvalier, yet Donqui can't because she thinks of ish as two separate people
Part of her is confused as to why Donqui sees it as that (she and Ardor are technically the same person right? They can't be *that* different)
The rest is just. Hurt. And is trying to grasp on straws to logic it away
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Donqui loves ARDOR, which means she could've loved you but she didn't. Because you didn't win her over. Because YOU did something as Ardor so that Ishmael could never compete
Because it is "what does he have that I don't, what can he promise you that I won't" but to yourself
"Ishmael" is borderline manic 90% of the time (like, has the vibes that 1 wrong move will suddenly make her start laughing like a madman before she decks you)
She sometimes gets mental breakdowms over not being able to complete her goal (obtain the miraculous; [Acherontia] assures her that that isn't important right now
Doesn't really help much it just stops her immediate crying and makes her internalize the guilt more
This + her core motivation + everyone now looking at her weirdly compounds into siltcurrent just. Fucking flooding the entire place with her tears (this is when act 2 starts)
Ishmael hovered awkwardly at the edge of the door, practically hiding behind it with the way she positioned herself. "...uh, hey-" She barely started talking before Don was crashed into her, wrapping her arms around Ishmael's waist as she buried her head into her chest. (She could hear the gentle heartbeat under Ishmael's clothes; soft, but steady.) (Strong.) She felt Ishmael flinch at the sudden gesture, but she couldn't find herself to care. "I- woah, now." Ishmael stammered, awkwardly patting Don's head in a subtle attempt to pry her off, "Was... was I really that bad? I know Akumas don't last longer than a day, but..." She trailed off, her ears finally picking up on shallow, stifled gasps as she felt something wet on her shirt. She instinctively wrapped an arm around her, rubbing gentle circles on her back as Don tried to hold back her tears. "Hey, it's okay... I'm okay now." She mumbled, still somewhat awkward from the chain of events, "whatever happened to me is over now, yeah? I'm better now." (She didn't know that Don knew who she was, unaware that a blinded mermaid had begged her to know why it wasn't loved without a mask.) (She didn't know that Chatvalier stood on the roof of a building, holding a bloody, heartless body. Desperately trying to ignore the gaping wound in favor of pretending her Lady was simply asleep.) (If she convinced herself that the blood wasn't real, then perhaps...)
(^^ epilouge scene, basically)
(There are Consequences to gouging out your heart)
Me, at 3am, high on sleep deprivation: i know this is a kid's show, but you know? We've never seen an akumatized villain that was terribly injured detransform before the Cure kicked in
Lady Sonata ex machina I can't have yuri if one of them is dead
The peacock can literally make life from a will and a way ans G is more than competent enough to make ladybug and cat senti-copies to emergency stand in incase one gets incapacitated (also i want a pun on Ardor (Ardoll... heh))
#void screaming#long post#scarlet ardor and chatvalier au#ramblings#writings#fucking hell this took 2 days to compose and compile#i gave up trying to fit it into tumblr's format at the end#it's 2:30am#if it wasn't obvious scriptum is in orange#also i edited some messages specifically so i could get to their points
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MEOW OR NEVER ౨ৎ GETO SUGURU X READER
summary: when your mom told you to steer clear of men, you didn't think she meant all of them - fur, whiskers, and all. but hey, maybe naming your cat mr. pickles was where you went wrong, considering she's apparently a mrs. now. and oh, she's pregnant. great. just fantastic. enter suguru geto, your drop-dead gorgeous neighbor, who's not just good at stealing glances but also at being a reluctant father - well, kitten father. turns out, his annoyingly smug orange menace named gojo's the reason you're now an unplanned (grand)parent. is this co-parenting arrangement going to end in peace, or in pieces? or worse, feelings? spoiler alert: suguru geto's got more than just child support to offer, and he's about to prove it in ways that'll have you questioning who the real stray here is.
warnings & tags: fluff and crack, eventual romance, no angst, geto is a year older than reader, geto is an (international) law student implied to be rich, reader's college program is not specified, strangers to friends to lovers, eventual smut (oral, f & m + 69). cast: geto, catoru (gojo is a tabby cat), yaga, sukuna, choso, yuuji, shoko, brief mention of utahime and nanami.
author's note: how i feel adding a graphic after not touching any editing apps since eight grade: 🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺. first long-fic on here and it is obviously for my @norikuna <3 i had so much fun writing geto, i hope you like this, and yes i named her mr. pickles after your meet-cute fic/s. ‼️ i recommend reading on ao3, as tumblr's formatting this fic very poorly and often times the fic has long paragraphs mashed together. i'm so sorry, but please enjoy!
chapter one: guess who's expecting (hint: it's not you)
when your mother warned you to stay away from men, you didn’t realize she meant all species of men. in your defense, you didn’t even know mr. pickles was…well, a dudette. a full-fledged woman, even.
judging by her usual air of indifference toward the struggles of life—whether it be a broken mug, burnt toast, or the existential dread and fear of capitalism looming over you—you’d assumed she was male. an assumption, it seems, born of sheer hubris. after all, you’d done thorough background checks on everyone else you let into your life. everyone except the stray cat that had waddled into your overpriced studio apartment one rainy night and decided it was hers.
the truth? you didn’t mind. between cramming for your degree and surviving the post-mortem of your relationships (both romantic and platonic, because apparently humans are terrible at consistency), mr. pickles became the one reliable constant in your life. albeit a hairy, aloof constant who occasionally brought you hairballs and dead bugs as sacrificial offerings to her goddess. you, of course, were said goddess.
any normal, functioning adult would have taken her to a shelter, or maybe put up a flyer: “found: one stray cat, bad attitude included.” but you, lonely soul that you were, took her in. except, it hadn’t been that simple. no, the first night you met her was anything but serene.
you were drunk. plastered. wobbling through the door with a bag of takeout in one hand and your heels in the other, ready to collapse onto your bed and dream about a life where rent didn’t cost your soul. but instead of an empty apartment greeting you, there she was. sitting smack in the middle of your living room like some furry squatters’ rights advocate, tail flicking with utter disdain.
you froze, still holding the doorknob, as your eyes locked with hers.
"what the—" you whispered, blinking hard to confirm you weren’t hallucinating. nope, she was real.
the cat let out a long, guttural “yeowwwwwwwwwl,” like she was just as horrified by you as you were by her.
you screamed. naturally. "who are you?! how did you get in here?! security’s supposed to be good—oh my god, is that a rat?"
she screamed back, launching into an impressive round of yowls that rattled your very bones. it became a chaotic symphony of you, still holding your takeout, pointing at her with your shoe, while she darted back and forth in an apparent panic over your panic.
"okay, okay," you gasped after what felt like hours but was probably five minutes. "just—calm down! i’ll call the cops or animal control or—do i even know animal control’s number? is that a thing people know?!"
the cat paused mid-panic, tilting her head as if considering whether you were worth the hassle. then, slowly and with the grace of a self-proclaimed queen, she sat back down.
you stood there, panting, wide-eyed, and still clutching your takeout like a lifeline. "are…are you done? can i move now?"
she gave a single chirp in response.
you blinked. "was that a yes?"
another chirp.
"okay, cool. good talk," you muttered, inching toward the kitchen counter to set your stuff down. "you know, you really picked the wrong apartment to haunt, bro. you don’t wanna hang out here."
she followed you, hopping onto the counter with zero hesitation.
"oh, you’ve got nerve," you grumbled, waving a hand. "get down. that’s…oh my god, is that chicken grease? you’re gonna get salmonella. do cats get salmonella?"
the cat meowed, which you took as a very sarcastic no.
you sighed. "great. now i’ve got a cat."
let’s rewind back to the future, to the moment you found out mr. pickles had a party of tiny paws brewing in her belly. it wasn’t an epiphany that hit you like a bolt of lightning—no, it was a series of increasingly bizarre events that gradually chipped away at your ignorance until the horrifyingly adorable truth came crashing down.
first, let’s talk about “pinking up.” apparently, around 16-20 days into pregnancy, a cat’s nipples turn pinker and more prominent—a fact you learned after a very awkward google search. not that you were actively inspecting mr. pickles’ nipples. that felt…wrong. but you did notice, eventually. the weight gain started subtly, a little extra fluff around her midsection that you brushed off as the result of switching to a premium brand of cat food. "guess the organic kibble’s working," you mumbled one evening as mr. pickles sprawled on the couch like a spoiled heiress. she blinked at you, unimpressed, before rolling onto her side, belly on full display. it was… rounder than usual. suspiciously so. but denial is a hell of a drug.
then came the morning she beat you to the bathroom. literally.
you were nursing a wicked hangover, the kind that makes you reconsider every life decision leading up to the night before. groaning, you dragged yourself out of bed and toward the bathroom, only to freeze in the doorway. there was mr. pickles, perched in your shower cubicle, hurling her guts out like she’d been partying harder than you. "what the—" you started, but she cut you off with another violent retch. you just stood there, slack-jawed, your own nausea momentarily forgotten. "are you… hungover? can cats be hungover?" she ignored you, finishing her business before hopping out of the shower with a nonchalance that screamed you’ll clean that up, right?
and the sleeping? don’t even get started on the sleeping. mr. pickles, your once lively (read: temperamental) companion, now spent her days passed out in the weirdest positions. you’d leave for class, catch her sprawled upside down on the couch with her legs in the air, and come back hours later to find her in the exact same spot. the first time it happened, you panicked.
“mr. pickles?” you whispered, crouching beside her. no response.
"oh my god, are you dead?" you poked her back. nothing.
just as you were about to call your landlord and have him prepare for the worst, mr. pickles let out the laziest, most judgmental yawn you’d ever heard.
then came the personality shift. the mr. pickles you knew—the one who hissed at your laptop every time you opened it, as if microsoft word had committed a personal offense—was gone. in her place was a clingy, purring ball of affection. she started curling up on your lap while you worked, purring loud enough to rival an industrial saw. “awwww, who’s a good kitty?” you cooed, melting into the moment. and then she shed enough fur on your clothes to build a second cat.
but the final straw, the one that shattered your fragile understanding of reality, was the nesting.
you came home one evening to find mr. pickles frantically rearranging your laundry basket, clawing at the clothes and dragging them into a fluffy pile. she paused when you entered, her eyes wild with an intensity you’d never seen before.
"uhh…what are you doing?" you asked, only to be met with a deep, guttural growl. "okay, that’s new," you muttered, backing away slowly. "you do…whatever that is."
it hit you then. the weight gain, the puking, the clinginess, the nesting. oh my god.
"oh my god," you whispered, clutching the counter for support. "mr. pickles is a girl."
your world tilted. memories of every time you called her sir or buddy flashed before your eyes. you were the problem.
you rushed her to the vet the next day, bursting through the door like a contestant on a reality show. "she’s been acting weird," you blurted to the receptionist. "and by weird, i mean…is she pregnant?"
one checkup later, the vet turned to you with a warm smile and uttered the words that changed everything: “congratulations, you’re a mother.”
your jaw dropped. "what? no. no, i’m not. she’s—she’s the mother!" you gestured wildly to mr. pickles, who was now lounging on the exam table like this was all very boring. the vet chuckled. “well, technically, that makes you a grandmother.”
a grandmother. you, a college student, were a grandmother.
as you drove home in stunned silence, mr. pickles stretched out in the passenger seat, her belly looking smugly round. you glanced at her, still reeling.
“does this mean i have to start calling you mrs. pickles now?”
she purred. of course she purred.
chapter 2: welcome to parenthood, kinda
the day after the vet visit, you were a woman on a mission. holding mr. pickles up like she was a fragile artifact, you found yourself wandering the corridors of your apartment building, knocking on doors and attempting to uncover the truth behind your feline’s unexpected condition. sure, your mother raised you single-handedly, but did that mean you had to take on the role of a cat grandmother solo? absolutely not.
the first stop was masamichi yaga, your landlord. you weren’t sure why you started with the most intimidating person in the building, but desperation has a way of clouding judgment. his door creaked open, revealing the towering man himself, wearing a slightly bemused expression. “uhh …good morning, mr. yaga,” you stammered, clutching mr. pickles tighter for moral support. “i—uh—wanted to ask…do you have a cat?” he raised an eyebrow. “a cat?”
“yeah,” you said, awkwardly adjusting your grip on mr. pickles. “because, um, she’s pregnant, and i was wondering if—well, you know…”
yaga blinked at you for a moment, then let out a low chuckle. “no, i don’t have a cat. the only thing i house around here is pandas.”
you stared at him, waiting for the punchline that never came. “...pandas?”
“yup. no cats.”
you decided not to press further. “right. okay. thanks, anyway.” you shuffled away, cheeks burning, as he closed the door behind you with a definitive click.
next, you made your way to choso’s apartment. you’d seen the guy a few times in the hallway—tall, always dressed like he’d just walked out of a corporate ad, with an aura of quiet exhaustion that screamed salaryman. when he opened the door, he looked down at you with mild surprise, a coffee mug in one hand. “hi,” you greeted, feeling oddly self-conscious under his gaze. “i, uh, have a question. do you happen to own a cat?”
choso blinked, glancing at mr. pickles, who let out a disinterested meow. “no, i don’t.”
“are you sure?” you pressed. “because my cat is pregnant, and—”
“i’m sure,” he cut in gently, though his tone held the same weariness you felt every monday morning. “i barely have time to take care of my brothers, let alone a pet.”
“brothers?”
“yeah.” he took a sip of his coffee. “one of them’s a high schooler. the other one…well, he’s sukuna.”
you froze. “wait. sukuna? as in, the scary guy with the tattoos who glares at everyone when he smokes in the hallway?”
choso nodded. “he’s not so bad once you get to know him.”
you had your doubts but decided not to argue. “right. okay. thanks anyway.”
your next stop was shoko’s apartment. you’d always admired her cool, no-nonsense vibe, but the dark circles under her eyes told you she probably didn’t have time for a pet. still, you knocked. when the door opened, shoko stood there, looking like she hadn’t slept in three days but somehow still pulled it off effortlessly.
“hey,” you said, trying to sound casual. “do you have a cat?”
“a cat?” she repeated, leaning against the doorframe. “no. i’m barely home enough to keep my plants alive, let alone a pet.”
you nodded, biting back a sigh. “yeah, that makes sense.”
“why?” she asked, eyeing mr. pickles. “is she yours?”
“yeah. she’s pregnant.”
shoko raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. “congrats, grandma.”
“don’t remind me,” you groaned. “thanks anyway.”
lastly, you tried suguru geto’s apartment. according to the building’s handbook, he was your neighbor on the floor above. but when you knocked, there was no answer. “great,” you muttered, glancing down at mr. pickles. “our prime suspect isn’t even home. what now?”
mr. pickles responded by squirming in your arms, clearly unimpressed with your sleuthing skills.
defeated, you trudged back to your apartment, where the reality of impending grandmotherhood sank in further. with no leads and no one to pin the blame on, you flopped onto your couch, setting mr. pickles down beside you. she stretched lazily, looking far too pleased with herself.
“this is your fault, you know,” you muttered, pointing a finger at her. she responded with a purr, curling up into a fluffy ball of indifference.
great. just great. looks like you were in this alone—again.
evening rolled in, and with it came mr. pickles’s dinner time. lately, you’d been overly cautious about her diet and mood—the whole pregnancy thing and all—but tonight? tonight she was testing your last nerve. there she was, stationed by the door like her life depended on it, yowling dramatically with an almost operatic flair. her tail flicked like a metronome, her cries growing more pitiful by the second. “oh, come on,” you groaned, setting her food bowl down with an exasperated sigh. “what’s with you tonight? you’ve eaten like, three times already.”
mr. pickles, naturally, ignored you, clawing at the door with all the determination of someone who just had to get out. “fine,” you muttered, stomping toward the door. “but i swear, if there’s a stray out there, you can explain yourself, motherf—”
you flung the door open mid-rant and promptly froze.
standing in your doorway was a man. a ridiculously tall, stupidly handsome man with long, silky black hair tied loosely at the nape of his neck and bangs that framed his angular face like he’d just stepped off the cover of handsome landlord quarterly. he wore a plain black sweater, dark trousers, and an expression that was equal parts bemused and apologetic. but your attention snapped to the cat he was holding aloft—an orange tabby with piercingly bright blue eyes that were somehow both smug and indifferent at the same time. “uh…hi,” he said, his voice deep and smooth with an edge of uncertainty. “this yours?”
“that’s…not my cat,” you managed, pointing awkwardly at the tabby.
“figured,” he said, glancing past you into your apartment where mr. pickles was now peeking out, her ears perked and tail bristled like an antenna. “he’s mine. name’s gojo. found him sitting outside my door screaming his lungs out, so i thought maybe…” his words trailed off as his gaze flicked between you, mr. pickles, and gojo. then, realization dawned on his face.
“wait.” he looked at mr. pickles, then back at you. “is your cat…?”
“pregnant?” you supplied flatly. “yep. as of about a week ago, thanks for asking.”
geto—because of course you’d figured out that this very handsome man was suguru geto from the floor above—blinked, visibly processing this information. “huh,” he said finally, his brow furrowing as he glanced at gojo. “but…gojo’s neutered.”
“what?” you blurted, staring at the smug orange tabby who looked anything but neutered. “yeah, had it done ages ago.” geto tilted his head, clearly as baffled as you. “so how the hell…?” you pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling a headache blooming. “you’re saying there’s no way it could’ve been him?”
“not unless he figured out how to reverse a neuter,” geto said dryly, his lips twitching in a bemused smile. you both looked at the cats the—gojo, lounging smugly in geto’s arms, and mr. pickles, glaring daggers from the safety of the couch. “okay,” you muttered, mostly to yourself. “if not gojo, then who? because i don’t exactly let her out, and she’s been acting weird for weeks.”
“well…” geto began, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “he did sneak out a couple of times last month, but i didn’t think—”
“oh my god,” you groaned, cutting him off. “are you telling me your supposedly neutered cat is actually some kind of feline lothario who managed to knock up my cat on one of his escapades?”
“it’s not like i planned this,” geto defended, though there was a hint of amusement in his tone. you shot him a look, but before you could respond, gojo meowed loudly, almost like he was bragging. “great,” you muttered, throwing your hands up. “just great. now i have to deal with kittens, rent, and figuring out how the hell to co-parent with the guy next door who can’t keep his cat under control.”
geto chuckled, his dark eyes twinkling with genuine amusement. “well, if it helps, i’m pretty good with kids. or kittens, in this case.” you stared at him, incredulous. “this isn’t funny.”
“oh, come on,” he teased, his smirk widening. “it’s a little funny.” you groaned again, retreating into your apartment. “this is a nightmare.”
“or an adventure,” geto countered, stepping back into the hallway with a casual wave. “let me know if you need any help. babysitting, moral support, whatever.” and just like that, he was gone, leaving you with a very pregnant mr. pickles, a smug orange tabby, and far too many questions about how you’d managed to land yourself in this ridiculous situation.
-
the realization hit you as soon as you pressed "send." oh no. oh no, no, no.
did you really just text suguru geto—your neighbor, a man who likely had better things to do than deal with your ridiculous antics a demand for child support? for cats? you flopped face-first onto your couch, groaning into a throw pillow. “what the hell is wrong with me?” mr. pickles, lounging on the armrest, flicked her tail and let out a smug little chirp, as if she’d orchestrated the entire debacle. “you’re no help,” you muttered, rolling onto your back to glare at her.
but it was too late now. the text was sent, sitting in geto’s inbox like an uninvited guest at a party. you imagined him reading it, probably over a cup of coffee in his immaculate apartment upstairs, eyebrows raised in disbelief before muttering something like, what the hell is this?
“what was i expecting?” you asked the ceiling. “a courtroom? with gojo cat wearing a tiny tie and confessing his sins?” mr. pickles yawned, completely uninterested in your spiral.
“ugh,” you grumbled, standing up. “whatever. it’s his problem now.”
-
bleary-eyed and still half-asleep, you shuffled to the door the next morning to grab the newspaper. the universe owed you at least one boring morning after last night’s embarrassment. but as you opened the door, your sleep-deprived brain screeched to a halt. there, sitting on your front porch, was a 5kg bag of premium cat food, the kind you’d seen in the store once and immediately walked past because it cost more than your monthly grocery budget. “what the…” you muttered, crouching down to inspect it.
taped to the bag was a folded piece of paper with the words “child support :)” scrawled in smooth, confident handwriting. beneath the note was what looked suspiciously like a paw print in ink. you squinted, trying to process the absurdity of the situation. “no. absolutely not. did he—did they actually ink up the cat for this?” you glanced down the hallway, half-expecting geto to pop out from behind a corner and yell “gotcha!” but it was eerily quiet. mr. pickles, who had wandered over to investigate, sniffed the bag and let out an excited meow, her tail curling in approval. “of course you’re happy,” you said, picking up the note and reading it again. “this is like winning the lottery for you.”
you flipped the paper over, looking for more, but that was it. just “child support :)” and a smug paw print. “oh my god,” you muttered, dragging a hand down your face. “he’s good. he’s really good.” you set the bag inside and grabbed your phone, your thumbs hovering over the keyboard. what were you even supposed to say to this? thank you? an apology for being unhinged?
before you could overthink it, a new message lit up your screen.
geto: hope this helps. let me know if you need anything else. gojo says hi.
you stared at the message for a long moment, torn between laughter and mortification.
“what do i even say to that?” you asked mr. pickles, who was now trying to claw her way into the bag of food. she didn’t respond, obviously, but you took her enthusiasm as a sign to type out the least embarrassing reply you could muster.
you: thanks. mr. pickles says hi too. sorry about the text, was half-asleep. really appreciate this though.
a reply came almost instantly.
geto: no problem. wasn’t sure how much to get, so i just grabbed the fanciest one. figured she deserves it.
you snorted, shaking your head. “what are you, cat royalty?”
mr. pickles let out a pleased chirp, pawing at the bag triumphantly, and you couldn’t help but laugh. whatever this situation was, at least mr. pickles was happy. and, okay, maybe suguru geto wasn’t completely terrible either.
you thought life couldn’t get more ridiculous after the whole “child support” stunt. but somehow, suguru geto managed to raise the bar so high that it was practically doing pull-ups in the stratosphere. because when you stepped out of your apartment to grab some fresh air and regroup after being up all night with a cuddly mr. pickles, you realized geto had turned this entire ordeal into a neighborhood event. “did he… throw a party without telling me?” you muttered to yourself, narrowing your eyes as you spotted a small, hand-decorated sign taped to the landlord’s door. it read: "congrats to the new parents: gojo & mr. pickles!”
“new parents?” you said aloud, incredulous.
as if summoned by your confusion, choso’s door creaked open, and yuuji popped his head out, looking entirely too enthusiastic for such an early hour. “hey, neighbor! did you see the banner?” you blinked at him. “banner?”
yuuji pointed down the hallway. you squinted and, sure enough, there it was — a banner strung across the hallway ceiling that read: "welcome baby kittens!!!" in what looked like glitter glue. “oh my god.” you pressed a hand to your forehead. “he didn’t.”
“he totally did!” yuuji grinned, stepping fully into the hallway. “he came by earlier and told me about gojo being a dad. so cool, right? i mean, gojo’s kind of an idiot, but hey, every cat deserves a shot at fatherhood.”
“yuuji,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. “he’s not an actual dad. this isn’t a sitcom. it’s just…biology.” yuuji shrugged. “biology, destiny, same thing. oh, by the way, geto dropped off cookies! want one?” you looked down and noticed yuuji holding a plate of cookies shaped like tiny cats.
“what the—did he bake these?”
“nah, i think he bought them,” yuuji said, biting into one. “but still. pretty neat, huh?” you groaned, muttering, “neat isn’t the word i’d use.”
just as you turned to head back into your apartment and escape the madness, there was a loud, insistent scratching at your door. you froze. “don’t tell me…”
yuuji, still chewing on his cookie, pointed. “that’s probably gojo. he’s been making rounds all morning trying to visit your cat. i think he’s really taking this fatherhood thing seriously.” you stormed to your door and there he was—gojo cat, gojo the cat, his bright blue eyes wide and hopeful as he pawed at the doorway like a love-struck romeo. “oh, for crying out loud,” you muttered, scooping him up and holding him at arm’s length as you entered your house. “what do you think you’re doing?” gojo meowed pitifully, his tail flicking as he looked past you toward mr. pickles, who was curled up on her blanket, looking utterly unimpressed. “she’s not interested, casanova,” you told him, turning to yuuji. “can you take him back before he climbs my curtains again?” yuuji laughed, taking the cat from you. “no problem. come on, gojo. let’s give her some space.”
as yuuji disappeared down the hall with gojo, you closed the door and leaned against it, letting out a long sigh. but before you could even sit down, your phone buzzed.
geto: hope you’re enjoying the festivities. gojo’s a little excited, but who can blame him? parenthood changes you.
you stared at the message, your eye twitching.
you: i'm one sleepless night away from snapping. please stop turning my life into a hallmark movie.
geto: don’t be shy. you’re the real hero here, grandma.
you groaned, tossing your phone onto the couch. mr. pickles, who had been watching the entire ordeal with an air of feline superiority, let out a small, smug purr. “don’t you start,” you told her, flopping onto the couch. “at least it’s a long weekend.” but deep down, you knew there was no such thing as peace—not when suguru geto and his ridiculous orange menace were involved.
-
suguru geto was not having a good day.
he sighed, leaning back against his couch as the familiar hum of embarrassment settled over him. gojo cat, sprawled across the armrest, gave a half-hearted meow, probably to mock him. he’d woken up to him scratching at his front door like a lunatic, yowling for his morning ritual of inspecting the hallway for signs of mr. pickles. the normally smug and self-satisfied orange menace had been acting weird for days—restless, meowing at windows, and straight-up bolting every time geto so much as opened the front door. it had taken geto exactly one trip downstairs to realize why.
you. or more specifically, your cat.
geto hadn’t even known you had a cat until he’d knocked on your door last week, with mr. pickles in the background like some furry empress. now, not only did he know, but he also had the dubious honor of being the grandfather of mr. pickles’ unborn kittens. “how did it even come to this?” he muttered, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the glittery “welcome baby kittens!!!” banner he’d put up in the hallway. he knew he was making things worse for himself, but honestly, it was better than sitting in his apartment, spiraling. he sighed, looking down at gojo, who was perched on the armrest of the couch, lazily licking a paw. “you couldn’t just chill, could you?” geto said, narrowing his eyes at the cat. “no, you had to go and ruin my already complicated life. do you know how awkward this is? do you?”
gojo blinked at him, clearly unbothered. “of course you don’t,” geto muttered. “you’re a cat.”
the thing was, geto had genuinely thought he’d be cool about this whole situation. sure, it was a little weird to be co-parenting kittens with the girl he’d had a hallway crush on for months, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t handle it. except he wasn’t handling it. he’d told yuuji. he’d told yaga. he’d even left cookies for shoko. and now half the building knew about gojo’s escapades. “what am i doing?” he groaned, leaning back on the couch and covering his face with his hands. “you know, this is all your fault,” geto muttered, glaring at the cat. gojo, unbothered, blinked lazily.
geto had been a lot of things in his years of life—student, aspiring lawyer, occasional cat dad—but one thing he wasn’t was smooth when it came to you. you, the girl from another department who lived one floor below him. you, the one who always looked like you belonged in a wes anderson movie, with your half-hidden smiles and humour. you, who somehow managed to make even the most mundane hallway interactions feel like they had a gravitational pull. geto groaned, pressing his palms into his face. he was this close to becoming a tragic cliché.
it wasn’t like he’d never tried to talk to you before. he had. there was that one time in the campus library, where he’d psych himself up for twenty minutes only for you to leave before he could string a coherent sentence together. or the time in the cafeteria when he thought about offering you a seat at his table but chickened out because he was certain his friends would tease him for weeks. “this is what rock bottom feels like,” he muttered to himself.
he wasn’t even supposed to live in this building. as an international law major with a full schedule and internships on the horizon, he should’ve been in one of the fancier complexes closer to campus, but fate—or sheer bad luck—had landed him here. not that he could complain. not when you were his downstairs neighbor. he had always figured you were out of reach, though. you had this aura of being completely in your own world—poised, a little reserved, but not in a way that came off as unapproachable. more like you were quietly observing the chaos around you, letting it wash over you like a passing breeze. and he’d been content to admire you from afar. well, mostly content. but now? there was a knock at the door.
geto froze.
“please don’t let it be her,” he whispered, praying to whatever higher power might be listening.
it was you. standing in his apartment building, holding a note he wrote about “child support.”
“hey,” you said, holding up a piece of paper. “you forgot this.”
“oh,” he said dumbly. “right. thanks.”
you stepped inside, looking around at the various cat-themed decorations geto had somehow acquired in the past 24 hours. “so… big fan of cats, huh?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. geto felt his face heat up. “uh, yeah. something like that.” you smirked, crossing your arms. “you know, you didn’t have to go all out like this. it’s not that big of a deal.”
“not a big deal?” geto repeated, incredulous. “your cat is having kittens with my cat. that’s, like… monumental.” you rolled your eyes. “they’re cats , geto. not royal heirs.”
“still,” he said, crossing his arms defensively. “i’m just trying to be responsible here.” you looked at him for a long moment, and geto swore he saw the tiniest flicker of amusement in your eyes. “responsible?” you repeated. “is that why you’ve turned our hallway into a petting zoo?” geto opened his mouth to argue but stopped when gojo jumped down from the couch and strutted over to you, rubbing against your legs like the shameless flirt he was. “traitor,” geto muttered under his breath. you crouched down to pet gojo, a small smile tugging at your lips. “well, at least someone knows how to make a good impression.”
geto stared at you, his brain short-circuiting. “uh, yeah,” he said finally. “he’s… he’s good at that.” you stood up, brushing cat fur off your hands. “anyway, thanks for the food. mr. pickles appreciates it.”
“no problem,” geto said, trying to sound casual. “you know, if you ever need help with… anything, just let me know.” you raised an eyebrow. “like what? cat parenting classes?”
“sure,” geto said, shrugging. “or, you know, anything else.” you gave him a long, considering look before finally nodding. “i’ll keep that in mind,” you said, turning to leave. “thanks, grandpa.”
geto groaned as the door closed behind you. “what am i even doing?” he muttered again, looking down at gojo, who had jumped back onto the couch, looking entirely too smug. the cat meowed, as if to say, you’re welcome.
chapter 3: first we stalk, then we brunch
later in the evening, you found yourself huddled under your comforter, laptop balanced precariously on your knees. mr. pickles was curled up at your feet, occasionally flicking her tail, as if silently judging you. you ignored her. tonight, you had a mission: to do a deep dive into the enigma that was suguru geto. you weren’t proud of yourself, okay? but curiosity had officially killed the cat—or at least put her temporarily out of commission. like any sensible person armed with curiosity and internet access, you turned to linkedin. not instagram, not facebook—linkedin. because nothing screams “serious investigation” like stalking someone’s professional achievements. “let’s see what we’ve got, mr. pickles,” you muttered, typing “suguru geto” into the search bar on the holy grail of professional snooping. mr. pickles perched regally at the foot of your bed, her gaze judgmental as ever. “don’t give me that look,” you muttered. “i’m doing this for you.”
within seconds, his profile loaded up, and your jaw practically hit the floor.
suguru geto wasn’t just good-looking. oh no. he was an overachiever of the highest order. his profile picture was annoyingly perfect: a candid (but totally staged) shot of him sitting at a café, holding a cup of coffee in one hand while looking thoughtfully into the distance, as if he’d just solved world hunger. his headline read:
suguru geto | international law student | aspiring global policymaker | passionate about justice and equality
“ugh,” you groaned, scrolling further. “passionate about justice? who is this guy?” his bio didn’t help matters. it was filled with phrases like ‘dedicated to fostering positive global change’ and ‘committed to bridging the gap between policy and implementation.’
“committed to being annoyingly perfect, maybe,” you muttered, side-eyeing mr. pickles. she let out a half-hearted meow that you chose to interpret as agreement. his experience section was even worse—or better, depending on how you looked at it. a summer internship at the UN where he ‘assisted in drafting resolutions and collaborated with member states on sustainable development initiatives.’ worked as a legal intern at some fancy law firm with a french name you couldn’t pronounce, where he ‘focused on international human rights cases, with a specific emphasis on refugee protection.’ not to mention being a volunteer coordinator for a charity in sri lanka, where he ‘organized relief efforts and distributed supplies to displaced families during the holiday season.’
“okay, mr. pickles,” you said, glancing at the unimpressed feline. “this guy’s either a saint or a robot.” what shocked you most wasn’t his saintly résumé, but the fact that he went to the same university as you. you stared at the screen, stunned. “how the hell did i not know this?” his “education” section confirmed it:
bachelor’s in international law | current student
active member of the debate team and global policy forum
that explains it, you thought. you were a year younger and in an entirely different department—he probably had his head buried in treaties while you scrambled through your own projects. still, the idea of suguru walking the same hallways as you sent your mind reeling. “was he in the cafeteria when i spilled coffee on myself that one time?” you wondered aloud. as you continued scrolling, you stumbled upon his posts. his posts swung wildly between annoyingly inspirational and oddly endearing.
the first was a very cheesy, slightly-too-polished “ringing in the new year” post, complete with a stock photo of fireworks and an unnecessarily long caption: ‘as we close the chapter on another year, let us remember the power of community and resilience. cheers to 365 days of growth, learning, and striving for a better world!’
“uggghhh, gag me,” you snorted, though you couldn’t help but admire how polished it all was.
then there was a post featuring none other than gojo cat sprawled on a cushion, mid-snore. the caption read: ‘cats are not just pets—they are companions, teachers, and sometimes, our greatest confidants. thank you, gojo, for reminding me to appreciate the little joys in life.’
“confidants? really?” you muttered, holding back a laugh. “what secrets are you sharing with your cat, suguru?” the pièce de résistance, however, was a post about his recent trip to sri lanka. it included a photo of him kneeling next to a group of kids, all of them smiling brightly, while he held a giant sack of rice. ‘spending christmas eve here has been a humbling experience. giving is not just about material wealth but about offering hope and kindness. #holidaygiving #payitforward’
“oh, come on,” you groaned. “who even has time for all of this?” mr. pickles let out an approving meow, her ears twitching at the picture. “not you too,” you sighed. just as you were about to close the tab, a final post caught your eye. it was from a few months ago: a blurry picture of the university quad, with a caption that read: ‘sometimes, it’s the quiet moments on campus that remind you why you started this journey. grateful for this space, these people, and this path.’
“quiet moments, huh?” you mused, leaning back against your pillows. “maybe he’s not all bad.” mr. pickles let out a disapproving chirp, as if to say, focus on the fact that he’s responsible for my current condition, thank you. and just when you thought you’d seen it all, there was his international cat day post. gojo cat lay sprawled in the background, his belly exposed, looking utterly unbothered. geto had written an almost poetic ode to feline companionship. ‘in a world filled with noise, cats remind us to listen to silence. they are the quiet guardians of our souls.’
you couldn’t help but snort. “quiet guardians? mr. pickles, your baby daddy is a poet now.” mr. pickles gave a soft chirp, as if to say, better him than some nobody. “fine,” you relented, closing your laptop. “maybe he’s not terrible. just… annoyingly perfect.” but as you lay back against your pillows, a nagging thought lingered: why had he never said anything? you’d walked the same hallways, shared the same campus, yet he’d never even made a passing hello. was he too busy, or something else? either way, you weren’t sure whether to be impressed or annoyed. probably both.
-
suguru geto prided himself on being polished and refined. and he had standards okay? he wasn’t some creep skulking around in the shadows. he was a man of composure, logic, and discipline. but all of that went out the window when it came to you. he is also an upstanding citizen who just happened to know your spotify account, which he checked semi-regularly. for research purposes, obviously. it started innocently enough—getting your instagram handle. no big deal. he hadn’t even followed you right away, worried it might seem weird coming out of nowhere. it was all very calculated: a "friend of a friend of a classmate of a third cousin" pipeline that eventually led him to your public page. a click here, a scroll there, and boom—your instagram aesthetic was forever seared into his memory. but social media wasn’t enough. no, geto was too curious (and maybe just a bit too pathetic) to stop there. this led him to your spotify.
now, he didn’t just stumble upon your spotify profile by chance. this particular treasure hunt began at a house party at the start of the year. utahime had made a collaborative playlist for everyone, and while everyone else just added their favorite songs, geto decided to dive deep. deep as in scrolling through over 150 accounts connected to the playlist just to find yours. “there it is,” he had muttered triumphantly back then, his lips twitching into a satisfied smile. “gotcha.” and from that moment, your spotify profile became his guilty pleasure. your profile picture at the time? a blurry photo of what looked like you holding a glass of wine at some fancy rooftop bar. but the playlists were the real treasure.
your “gym rat” playlist was his favorite, with high energy tracks, peppered with one or two questionable choices. seriously, why was there a taylor swift song in the middle of your workout playlist? your “in the clerb, we all cryin’” playlist was interesting to say the least, comprising of indie ballads, heart-wrenching acoustics, and, for some reason, a single abba track. then there was “road trip,” featuring everything from funky throwbacks to an absurd number of songs by chappell roan. “you’ve got taste,” geto muttered to himself, clicking into the playlists one by one. “questionable taste in some areas, but still…” he often scrolled through your profile aimlessly, not necessarily looking for anything new, but just existing in your world, even if it was through music. tonight, he found himself back on your page, like some kind of masochistic ritual.
his eyes drifted to his chrome tabs, where your spotify was bookmarked for easy access. it was right there, sandwiched between his email inbox, an online soba delivery menu, an article titled “10 Tips for Acing Your Next Law Internship” and a tab about international trade law regulations. “no new playlists,” he murmured, leaning back in his chair. your gym playlist hadn’t been updated in six months (“what happened to your gym rat era?”), and your grwm playlist was untouched. “slacking, hm?” gojo cat, perched on the edge of the desk, gave him a slow blink. “boring night for you too, huh?” geto sighed dramatically, glancing over at gojo cat sprawled on his lap. the feline barely flicked an ear in response. “don’t look at me like that,” geto said, narrowing his eyes at the feline. “this is completely normal behavior. i’m not stalking. i’m just… maintaining a healthy level of interest.”
“it’s not creepy,” he justified aloud, more to himself than to anyone else. “it’s resourceful. i’m just staying informed.” gojo cat stretched lazily, letting out a yawn that sounded suspiciously judgmental. “oh, don’t start,” geto shot back, tapping lightly on the cat’s head. “you’re the reason i even know her in the first place.” geto’s eyes flicked to your “gym rat era” playlist again. still untouched. “what happened to that, by the way?” he asked no one in particular. “gave up? hit your personal best and retired early?” gojo cat pawed at the corner of his laptop, as if trying to close it.
“hey, no,” geto said, swatting the cat’s paw away gently. “i’m in the middle of something important.” his finger hovered over the profile picture you’d updated—something blurry and vaguely artsy. probably taken at a bar or café. he debated clicking it but stopped himself. what was he expecting? some secret hidden bio like “hey, stop creeping”? he sighed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “i’m not weird, right?” he asked the cat.
gojo, being a cat, offered no answer.
“right,” geto muttered. “this is perfectly reasonable. i’m just… interested. it’s not like i’m walking past her door at 3 a.m. or something.” a fleeting daydream crossed his mind—what if the two of you had a shared playlist? something intimate and special, where you both added songs and left little comments. “‘thinking of you when i added this,’” he mused in a mockingly cheesy tone, shaking his head. “god, what am i, thirteen?” still, the thought lingered, making him smile despite himself. just as he began to close the tab, a notification popped up.
[beef_boss_69 has followed you.]
his entire demeanor shifted. “beef boss? beef boss?” geto practically spat the name out. “who the hell—what kind of username is that?” he clicked on the profile, his eyes narrowing as he inspected the new follower. it was a faceless account, with no playlists or followers of its own. “oh, great,” he grumbled. “a bot. or worse, some guy who thinks he’s funny.” he glanced at gojo cat, who looked thoroughly unimpressed. “don’t give me that look,” geto said, pointing at the cat. “you’d be upset too if some guy named beef boss was muscling in on your territory.” gojo cat chirped, which suguru took as a sign of agreement. “exactly,” geto said, nodding to himself. “i mean, what’s next? chicken king 420? pork prince 88?”
he sat back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. “i should just send the linkedin request,” he muttered to himself. “rip the band-aid off. what’s the worst that could happen?” gojo cat let out a loud meow, almost as if to say, you’re never going to do it. “shut up,” geto shot back, though there was no heat behind his words. he closed your spotify tab, ignoring the way his stomach twisted at the thought of actually interacting with you. maybe tomorrow, he thought. or next week. or the next time beef boss made a move. as he shut his laptop, he made a mental note: tomorrow, he’d work up the nerve to send you a linkedin request. baby steps, right?
-
you weren’t even sure what had pulled you out of bed that morning. was it the ungodly racket outside your door? the growing guilt of not actually reading the paper you insisted on having delivered? or maybe just the suspiciously human-sounding yowls of mr. pickles as she nested in the corner of your room? either way, you’d dragged yourself out of bed, eyes half-closed, hair resembling a bird’s nest, and shuffled toward the door in your favorite—read: most embarrassing—pajamas. and there he was.
suguru geto, standing in front of your door in the crisp morning light, wearing an athletic jacket, sweatpants, and the expression of a man who was absolutely not ready for this level of chaos. attached to his hand was a leash, and attached to the leash was none other than gojo cat himself, strutting like he was the king of the neighborhood. “morning,” geto greeted, his tone breezy but his face clearly betraying some inner turmoil. you blinked at him. “is that… is that a harness?”
“yep.” geto scratched the back of his neck. “gojo here insisted.” as if on cue, gojo cat let out an overly dramatic meow, his bright blue eyes locking onto yours. he looked like a lion surveying his kingdom =—or, more accurately, a spoiled housecat demanding tribute. “you’re taking your cat for a walk?” you asked, still half-asleep and very much regretting this encounter. “yeah, he’s been getting a little… restless,” geto said, glancing down at the fluffball who was now trying to paw at your door. “and by restless, i mean clawing the walls like a maniac at 3 a.m.” gojo cat let out another meow, this one louder, and then craned his neck to peer behind you, as if expecting mr. pickles to emerge in all her pregnant glory. “okay, what’s he doing?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at the cat. “probably hoping to see his baby mama,” geto replied with a dry chuckle. you stared at him, your brain still buffering from the sheer audacity of that sentence. “baby mama?”
“look,” geto started, suddenly looking flustered, “i was wondering if you… i mean, if she … maybe we could —”
“spit it out.”
“do you wanna join us for a walk?” he blurted, his cheeks faintly pink.
gojo cat meowed again, clearly seconding the idea. or maybe he was just demanding that you bring mr. pickles along. you sighed, glancing over your shoulder at the aforementioned queen of your household, who was currently sprawled on her side like a beached whale. “she’s not exactly in the mood for exercise.” “please,” geto said, his tone bordering on desperate. “it might do her some good. and honestly, it might keep gojo from trying to scale your window again.” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “fine. but you owe me breakfast for this.”
“deal,” geto said immediately, his relief almost palpable.
after an embarrassingly long five minutes of wrangling mr. pickles into her carrier—complete with angry hisses and a swat to your hand—you emerged from your apartment, looking like you were about to march into battle. “ready?” geto asked, his smile equal parts charming and sheepish. “let’s just get this over with,” you grumbled, hoisting the carrier while mr. pickles glared daggers at everyone in sight. as the four of you set off, gojo cat kept glancing back at the carrier, chirping softly as if trying to woo mr. pickles through sheer persistence. “he’s really laying it on thick, huh?” you said, raising an eyebrow. “like father, like son,” geto joked, then immediately looked mortified at his own words. you snorted, finally cracking a smile. “careful, geto. i might actually start thinking you’re funny.” he grinned, his confidence seemingly restored. “well, miracles do happen.”
mr. pickles, meanwhile, let out a low growl from her carrier, clearly unimpressed with the whole ordeal. gojo cat chirped in response, pressing his face to the mesh side of the carrier in what could only be described as a show of devotion. “is he always like this?” you asked, watching the ridiculous display. “only when he’s in love,” geto replied, shooting you a look that lingered just a second too long. you pretended not to notice the way your heart skipped a beat. “well, he better not get his hopes up. mr. pickles isn’t exactly the romantic type.” geto chuckled. “guess he’ll just have to win her over.” as the morning sun climbed higher, you couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, this whole ridiculous situation wasn’t so bad after all.
geto meanwhile, was mentally spiraling. he didn’t know what was worse—the “like father, like son” line he’d just dropped on you or the fact that you didn’t immediately burst out laughing and leave him and his ridiculous orange tabby in the dust. instead, you stayed, which only made things harder for him. literally. his heart was pounding so loudly he was sure even mr. pickles could hear it from inside her carrier. he was trying to play it cool, but how was he supposed to do that when his so-called son was busy embarrassing the hell out of him? gojo cat was living his best life, pulling on his leash like a dog on a mission. his blue eyes sparkled with excitement as he trotted beside mr. pickles' carrier, occasionally pawing at the mesh as if trying to “connect” with his beloved. mr. pickles, for her part, was clearly over it. she sat in the carrier like a disgruntled queen, her ears flat and her glare sharp enough to cut diamonds.
“your cat’s persistent,” you said, watching as gojo cat did a full circle around the carrier before flopping dramatically on the sidewalk, belly up, in what looked like a plea for attention. “he’s… special,” geto replied, attempting to reel in the leash as gojo cat kicked his legs in the air, rolling onto his side to stare mournfully at mr. pickles. “gojo, stop being weird.” gojo cat let out a pitiful meow, his paws pressing against the carrier like he was performing some romeo and juliet reenactment. “is this normal?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as you crouched to take a closer look. “define normal,” geto deadpanned, tugging the leash again as gojo cat started to nudge his face against the carrier. “he’s just... enthusiastic. about life. and apparently, love.”
“mr. pickles looks like she’s about to murder him.”
mr. pickles, indeed, was having none of it. when gojo cat got too close, she raised a paw and batted at the mesh with a low growl, making geto jump. “okay, timeout,” geto said, scooping gojo cat up with one arm while holding the leash in the other. gojo cat squirmed, letting out a series of indignant chirps as if protesting his removal from the “love of his life.” “you’re really committed to this cat dad role, huh?” you teased, standing back up. “it’s not a role,” geto replied, attempting to adjust gojo cat in his arms as the feline twisted dramatically, his tail flicking with determination. “it’s a lifestyle.” you snorted, and geto decided right then and there that he would endure any amount of humiliation for the sound of your laughter.
meanwhile, gojo cat had decided he’d had enough of the timeout. with a sudden burst of energy, he wriggled free from geto’s grip and made a beeline back to mr. pickles’ carrier. he pawed at it again, letting out a chirp that sounded suspiciously like, notice me, senpai. “jesus christ, gojo,” geto muttered, scrambling to grab the leash. “can you give her some space for five seconds?”
“he’s determined,” you said, your lips twitching as you watched the scene unfold. “i’ll give him that.”
“determined to get us kicked out of the building, maybe,” geto grumbled, finally managing to wrangle gojo cat back.
mr. pickles, now thoroughly fed up, turned her back to the carrier door, her tail swishing in annoyance. she let out a loud, irritated meow, as if to say, enough of this nonsense. “looks like the queen has spoken,” you said, nodding toward mr. pickles. “yeah, well, tell that to this guy,” geto replied, holding gojo cat up like a misbehaving toddler. “i swear, he’s got no chill.”
“takes after his dad, huh?” you said with a sly grin.
geto froze, his cheeks heating up. “i—uh—he’s not my biological—uh…”
you laughed again, shaking your head.
“relax, geto. i’m just messing with you.” but before geto could recover and try to salvage what was left of his dignity, gojo cat let out another loud meow, squirming in his grip. “great,” geto muttered. “and now i’m the guy whose cat ruins his chance to make a good impression.”
“who said it was ruined?” you said casually, your gaze meeting his for a brief, heart-stopping moment. and just like that, geto decided that maybe—just maybe—gojo cat wasn’t the worst wingman in the world after all.
honestly, when you first saw geto on linkedin yesterday—highlighted internships, connections with every fancy-sounding legal firm, and posts that made him look like a diplomatic demigod—you thought, oh, great. another rich boy who probably orders his coffee by listing ten modifications and has never eaten instant noodles in his life. add gojo cat into the mix, and you were sure this guy was going to be the embodiment of an annoying private school kid, complete with a pet who demanded bottled water and artisanal treats. but this? this was unexpected. geto was, dare you say it, fun. the man actually cracked jokes, didn’t have that holier-than-thou attitude, and seemed genuinely nice. how was he even an international law major? weren’t they supposed to be the glorified MUN kids of society?
“so, what do you think of him?” geto asked, glancing down at gojo cat, who was currently doing his best impression of an olympic sprinter, chasing a rogue leaf across the path. “him?” you asked, smirking. “i think he’s a menace to society.”
“hey, that’s my son you’re talking about,” geto said, mock-offended. “like father, like son,” you shot back, and you caught the faintest twitch of his lips. “you wound me,” geto replied dramatically, clutching his chest like you’d just dealt a fatal blow. you laughed despite yourself. “i mean, am i wrong? you’re kind of a menace too, you know. showing up with that “like father, like son” line earlier.”
“that line was gold, okay?” he said, defensive but clearly holding back a grin. “besides, it worked. you’re still here, aren’t you?” you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “you got lucky. i needed some fresh air.”
“ah, so i’m just a side quest for your morning routine. noted,” he said, looking mock-wounded again. “don’t make me regret this,” you said, though your tone was light. but then, of course, you had to spiral. because what kind of person just casually smells like bamboo? why were you even thinking about how he smelled in the first place? no, focus. you were not about to develop a crush on mr. linkedin extraordinaire.
“so, um,” geto started, scratching the back of his neck. you noticed he did that a lot when he was unsure of himself, which was oddly endearing. “did you, uh, happen to notice we go to the same university?”
“oh, i noticed,” you said, raising an eyebrow. “what i didn’t notice was how i never saw you around campus before.”
“i keep a low profile,” he said quickly, a little too quickly.
“low profile? you? with your fifteen linkedin posts about networking events and charity galas?” you teased. he flushed, and you bit back a laugh at the sight of the ever-composed suguru geto getting flustered. “that’s professional stuff,” he said, looking anywhere but at you. “different vibe.”
“sure, mr. diplomat,” you said, grinning. “but seriously, why haven’t we crossed paths before?”
“well, you’re a year younger,” he mumbled, “and in a different department. plus… i might’ve…”
“might’ve what?” you pressed, leaning in just slightly.
“might’ve avoided you,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “avoided me?” you repeated, blinking. “why?”
his face turned a shade darker. “because i didn’t know how to talk to you, okay?” you stared at him, caught off guard by his sudden honesty. for a moment, neither of you spoke, the sound of gojo cat rustling through the bushes filling the silence. “well,” you said finally, breaking the tension with a small smile, “you’re doing fine now.” he looked at you, his expression softening. “yeah, maybe.”
and just like that, the flustered energy transferred to you, because how was this guy suddenly so disarming? you quickly turned your attention to gojo cat, who had now returned, proudly carrying a twig in his mouth like it was some grand prize. “your cat’s weird,” you said, hoping the heat in your cheeks wasn’t too obvious. “takes after his owner,” geto quipped, a little more confidently this time. you snorted, shaking your head. “yeah, well, you’re lucky i don’t scare easy.”
“lucky, huh?” he said, his lips curving into a small, genuine smile.
you groaned inwardly. maybe you were spiraling. if mr. pickles could talk, you’d be subjected to a very long, exasperated lecture right now. and honestly? she’d have a point. because here you were, fumbling in front of what could only be described as a god-sent man—minus his questionable taste in cheesy pickup lines and feline companions. and judging by the way she was scratching insistently against the carrier’s mesh, mr. pickles had had enough. “alright, alright,” you muttered, unzipping the carrier. “but behave, okay? no swatting.”
the minute she stepped out, in all her pregnant, regal glory, gojo cat lost his mind. if there were an olympic event for wooing, he’d be taking home gold, no contest. he was meowing nonstop, his tail flicking like crazy, hopping in excited circles around mr. pickles. “good god,” geto muttered beside you, watching his cat’s antics with a mixture of horror and amusement. “he’s… persistent, isn’t he?”
“persistent? your cat’s acting like he just won the lottery,” you said, watching gojo cat crouch low and wiggle his butt like he was about to pounce. “mr. pickles deserves the best,” geto said with a smirk, his tone dripping with mock sincerity. “she deserves peace and quiet,” you shot back, laughing as mr. pickles calmly let gojo cat have his little moment of excitement before promptly swatting him on the nose.
gojo cat froze, blinking in shock. then, as if nothing happened, he tried again. another swat.
“he doesn’t give up, does he?” you said, shaking your head. “like father, like son,” geto said with a shrug, and you snorted.
“oh, so you’re like that too, huh?” you teased, raising an eyebrow at him. he froze for a second, his brain clearly buffering. then he laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “i like to think i have a bit more self-control.”
“hmm,” you said, pretending to consider. “debatable.”
“harsh,” geto said, placing a hand over his heart like he’d been wounded. things weren’t any better for geto. watching you laugh at his lame attempts at humor was doing something dangerous to his brain. you were so close, and the way your eyes lit up when you laughed…
he couldn’t help it. he felt the same urge gojo cat must’ve felt—like physically shaking, meowing, jumping, doing whatever it took to make sure you were looking at him. but he was a man with poise (he reminded himself), so instead of resorting to anything outrageous, he blushed furiously, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. “you okay there?” you asked, noticing his face had turned an alarming shade of red. “yeah, yeah,” he said quickly, waving you off. “it’s, uh… warm out here.” you glanced up at the sky. it was barely sunny with a light breeze. “sure,” you said, smirking. “totally the weather.”
“don’t call me out like that,” he mumbled, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck again. “you’re cute when you’re flustered,” you said before you could stop yourself, and the words hung in the air for a second too long. his head snapped toward you, eyes wide. “what?”
“i — nothing ,” you said quickly, suddenly very interested in the stray thread on your sweater. “no, no, go on,” geto said, leaning in slightly, his voice teasing now. “what were you saying?”
“i said nothing,” you insisted, but your face was practically on fire. he grinned, leaning back and crossing his arms. “mm-hmm. sure.”
you groaned, hiding your face in your hands. “mr. pickles, save me,” you muttered, but she was too busy fending off gojo cat’s latest round of attention to care. and next to you, geto was grinning like an idiot, his blush finally starting to fade as he realized he might not be the only one spiraling.
amidst the awkward giggles and blushes, your stomach decided it had enough of the coy flirting and declared war. a low, awkward rumble escaped, loud enough for both you and geto to freeze. “was that…?” geto began, his lips twitching.
“no,” you lied immediately, your face heating up. “that was probably…gojo.” as if on cue, gojo cat meowed loudly, almost like he was backing you up. but mr. pickles wasn’t having it, her head snapping toward you with a “you’re kidding, right?” look. geto, bless his golden heart, didn’t press further. instead, he scooped up a very indignant gojo, who was in the middle of another extravagant attempt to woo mr. pickles.
“sounds like breakfast is overdue,” he said, grinning. “my treat, as promised.” you hesitated, watching as mr. pickles, the opportunist she was, pranced toward her carrier with the regal air of a queen boarding her royal carriage. she gave you a look that screamed, what are you waiting for? let’s go, servant.
“uh,” you started, scratching the back of your neck. “so, funny story — i didn’t bring my wallet, and even if i did…” you trailed off, remembering the bleak state of your cashapp. $27.53 stared back at you the last time you checked. it was a miracle you even had that much. “...i wouldn’t be able to afford it.” geto blinked at you, as if you’d grown a second head. “what?”
“yeah,” you said, already feeling the mortifying urge to dig a hole and crawl into it. “i’m, uh, broke. like, hilariously broke. economy, y’know?” you added with a weak laugh. “you think i’m letting you pay?” geto said, looking genuinely offended. “what kind of guy do you think i am?”
“a nice guy?” you offered, unsure where this was going. “no, no,” he said, shaking his head. “a gentleman.”
oh god, the drama. you stifled a laugh. “well, excuse me, mister gentleman. i just didn’t want to assume you’d pay.”
“assume away,” he said, already heading toward the nearest fancy breakfast café like he hadn’t just kidnapped you and the cats. “i’ve got you covered.” you glanced down at mr. pickles, who gave you a look that screamed, hurry up, i want my eggs.
the café, of course, was fancy. fancier than anywhere you’d normally set foot in. as you walked in, clutching mr. pickles’ carrier like a lifeline, you whispered to geto, “you couldn’t pick a normal place?”
“normal?” he asked, arching a brow. “what, like mcdonald’s?”
“that would’ve been perfect, ” you muttered. he just chuckled. “relax. it’s on me. besides…” he leaned in slightly, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “i have a reputation to uphold. international law guys don’t slum it, you know?” you snorted. “you’re so full of it.”
“maybe,” he admitted, grinning. “but you’re here, aren’t you?” you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling as you followed him to a table, where gojo cat immediately tried to climb onto the nearest chair, only for geto to gently push him back down. “don’t even think about it,” he told the cat, who meowed indignantly. mr. pickles, meanwhile, sat primly in her carrier, surveying the café with a look of mild disdain. she was probably judging the lack of gold-plated bowls. “so,” geto said once you were seated, his tone casual but his eyes warm. “what are you having? and don’t say something cheap to be polite.”
“how’d you know i was going to say that?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him. he shrugged. “just a hunch. order whatever you want.”
you hesitated, glancing at the menu. everything was overpriced, and you were 80% sure a single pancake here cost more than your rent. “fine,” you said finally. “but if i order the most expensive thing on the menu, i don’t want to hear you complain.”
“deal,” he said, smiling like you’d just agreed to marry him. god, he really was trying to woo you. and judging by the way your heart was doing somersaults, it might’ve been working.
the cafe was everything you imagined a “fancy breakfast spot” would be—muted beige tones, big windows letting in soft sunlight, overpriced art hanging on the walls, and tables filled with people who somehow looked like they owned hedge funds. there were plants too, the kind that didn’t seem real, and a faint jazz tune played in the background. if geto was trying to impress you, he was definitely succeeding, albeit unintentionally making you feel a little out of place. but all of that took a backseat the moment you heard that voice.
“you’re joking,” you muttered under your breath as you caught sight of none other than ryomen sukuna, towering like a goddamn villain straight out of a noir film. the cigarette smell hit first, faint but unmistakable, lingering on his dark uniform. his face twisted into a scowl the second he spotted your table. “ugh, pets,” he grumbled, eyeing the carrier with disdain. “this is why this place is going downhill. who even lets cats in here?”
“good morning to you too, sukuna,” geto said smoothly, leaning back in his chair with a calmness that only pissed sukuna off further. you, on the other hand, were seconds away from panic. this is choso’s brother? you’d seen him before, sure—usually smoking in the hallway and glaring like everyone had personally wronged him. but now? here? as your server? gojo cat immediately picked up on your distress—or maybe he just didn’t like sukuna’s face—because he started growling in geto’s lap. it was the tiniest, most pitiful growl, but sukuna’s eyes snapped to him, narrowing in challenge. “what’s that thing’s problem?” he asked, jerking a thumb at gojo cat. “his problem is you , ” geto said, smiling. “can’t say i blame him.” sukuna shot geto a flat look before turning his attention back to you. “what are you having?” he asked, his tone sharp enough to cut steel.
you panicked, your eyes darting to the menu. “uh… ummm …i’ll have the, uh…” you started, struggling to pronounce the ridiculous name of the dish. “the croissant…something?”
“you mean the croissant aux truffes?” sukuna interrupted, rolling his eyes. “yeah, got it. anything else?” you shook your head furiously, feeling your face heat up. “and you?” sukuna turned to geto, clearly already over this interaction. “my usual,” geto said casually, resting his chin on his hand. sukuna raised a brow, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a mean smirk. “your usual , huh? what’s that again?”
geto froze for half a second, his cool demeanor slipping ever so slightly. “you know what my usual is,” he said, his voice a little sharper. “do i?” sukuna asked, feigning innocence. “must’ve slipped my mind.”
“it’s soba,” geto hissed, his calmness now completely abandoned.
“oh, soba,” sukuna said, nodding slowly like he’d just solved the mystery of the century. “got it. soba. anything else, your highness?” geto glared at him but didn’t say anything, and sukuna walked off, muttering something under his breath about “stupid regulars.” the moment he was out of earshot, geto leaned back in his chair and let out a dramatic sigh. “i’m never coming back here.”
“really?” you asked, raising a brow. “because it sounded like you practically live here.”
“not after this humiliation,” he said, though the way his lips twitched betrayed the fact that he wasn’t as annoyed as he pretended to be. you couldn’t help but laugh, the earlier tension melting away. “for what it’s worth,” you said, “your ‘usual’ sounds pretty fancy too.”
“don’t,” he groaned, burying his face in his hands. “i’ll never live this down.”
from the corner of your eye, you saw gojo cat attempting to claw his way out of geto's lap, probably planning to finish what he started with sukuna. mr. pickles, ever the drama queen, merely yawned, completely unfazed by the chaos. it was going to be a long morning.
sukuna’s approach to serving was efficient, sure, but it was laced with the kind of attitude that made you question why this place hired him in the first place. he practically slammed geto’s soba on the table with a smile so forced it could rival a ventriloquist dummy, and your croissant—although perfect—arrived with a snide comment about “petting zoos” under his breath. you gave him a tight-lipped smile, muttering a quick “thank you,” while geto tried to hide his snicker behind his hand. sukuna walked off, grumbling something about “pretentious cat dads.”
“don’t mind him,” geto said, breaking his chopsticks with practiced ease. “he’s just like that with everyone. well, maybe worse with me.”
“so you’re special, then?” you teased, tearing off a piece of your croissant. “you could say that,” geto replied with a grin, feeding gojo cat a tiny bit of soba under the table. gojo, the shameless flirt, lapped it up happily, ignoring mr. pickles’ death glare from her carrier. things were calm, peaceful even—until the gaggle of women arrived.
they were the type you’d expect to see in glossy magazines: perfectly coiffed hair, subtle but expensive-looking makeup, and outfits that screamed “we brunch in designer clothes.” they made a beeline for gojo cat, cooing and fawning like he was some sort of feline casanova. and, like the attention-seeking traitor he was, gojo lapped it all up, practically preening under their praise. “oh my god, look at him!” one of them squealed, petting gojo as he leaned into her touch. “he’s so cute!”
“what’s his name?” another asked, giving geto a smile that could only be described as predatory. “gojo,” geto said, chuckling awkwardly. “you named him after yourself?” one of the women teased, clearly mistaking him for the egomaniac in question.
“uh, no, actually—”
“oh, sugurruuu!” another one interrupted, clearly recognizing him. “it’s been ages! how have you been?” you raised an eyebrow as the women began circling him like sharks. apparently, they were his seniors from a past internship, which made sense because they had that polished, professional air about them. “we missed you at the office!” one of them gushed. “you were so good at handling those client presentations,” another added, her tone a little too sweet for your liking.
you took a bite of your croissant, trying to ignore the sudden twist in your stomach. it wasn’t like you had any claim over geto, right? and yet, seeing him chuckle nervously and entertain them, even though it was clear he was uncomfortable, made you bristle. beside you, mr. pickles was practically vibrating with irritation, her tail flicking furiously as she watched gojo soak up the attention. she let out a low, guttural growl that you could’ve sworn mirrored your exact mood. “he’s such a ladies’ man,” one of the women purred, gesturing to gojo. “just like his owner, huh?”
“actually,” geto said, his voice cutting through the chatter. he looked at you, his expression unreadable but his tone steady. “this is my partner.”
wait, what?
the table went silent for a moment as all eyes turned to you. the women’s faces fell ever so slightly, their previously cheery expressions dimming as they processed the information. “partner?” one of them repeated, her voice tinged with disbelief. “yep,” geto said, leaning back in his chair with a small, satisfied smile. “we’re co-parenting these two,” he added, gesturing to the cats. you blinked, your mind racing. co-parenting? he wasn’t wrong, technically speaking, but the way he said it made it sound...a lot more serious than it actually was. the women muttered half-hearted congratulations before awkwardly excusing themselves, their heels clicking against the tiled floor as they walked away. once they were out of earshot, you turned to geto, your cheeks burning. “partner, huh?”
“what? it’s true,” he said, a hint of smugness in his tone. “we’re co-parenting.”
“you do know how that sounded, right?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.“sounded perfect to me,” he said, giving you a lopsided grin. you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. maybe, just maybe, you liked geto a little more than you thought. meanwhile, gojo cat continued basking in his stolen glory, and mr. pickles finally settled down in her carrier, clearly satisfied with how the situation had turned out.
chapter 4: he brought kibble, you brought your heart
the days following your chaotic breakfast outing became a mix of heartwarming absurdity and mild chaos, all thanks to geto and his ever-determined cat.
it started with the pet supplies. one offhand comment about needing more for mr. pickles, and suddenly geto was at your door with an entire armful of toys, treats, and nesting materials. “you said you needed stuff,” he shrugged, looking entirely too pleased with himself as he handed you a bag that looked heavy enough to contain bricks. “this is…a lot,” you said, peering inside. “did you buy out the entire pet store?”
“nah, just the essentials,” he replied, brushing off your comment. “besides, i had to get stuff for gojo anyway.”
the “stuff for gojo” turned out to be a single can of tuna.
then came the vet visits. geto had decided, entirely unprompted, that your vet appointments were now his responsibility. he would show up unannounced, a coffee in hand for you and a carrier for gojo in the other. “i don’t think the vet needs to see gojo,” you’d said the first time he came along. “you never know,” he’d replied, entirely serious. “what if he has sympathy symptoms for mr. pickles? he’s been sneezing a lot lately.”
“that’s because he shoved his face into a pile of dust bunnies,” you deadpanned. still, you couldn’t deny how much easier it was having him around, even if it meant enduring his occasional attempts to one-up the vet with random facts he’d googled beforehand. “you know, some studies say cats feel pain differently during pregnancy,” geto commented as the vet checked mr. pickles over. the vet gave him a flat look. “that’s…not entirely accurate.”
“huh, weird,” geto said, leaning back with an entirely too smug grin. “i’ll look into it more. it’s good to stay informed, right?”
meanwhile, gojo cat’s relentless courtship of mr. pickles had reached new, unhinged heights. every day brought a new “gift” for her nesting area, ranging from sweet (a soft sock) to outright concerning (a half-dead lizard that had you shrieking and yuuji wielding a plastic lightsaber like some kind of jedi exterminator). “gojo, no!” you’d yelled, trying to wrestle the lizard out of his mouth. “don’t hurt him!” geto shouted, entirely missing the point as he held gojo back. “don’t hurt him?!” yuuji echoed, brandishing the lightsaber dramatically. “what about me? what if it jumps at me?!”
amidst the chaos, mr. pickles remained the picture of serenity, carefully arranging each of gojo’s offerings in her nesting area like some kind of bizarre art installation. she even started tolerating his presence, which was a minor miracle in itself. “look at them,” geto said one day, gesturing to the two cats as they napped side by side. “they’re like us.” you raised an eyebrow. “one of them brings in literal trash and the other barely tolerates them. which one’s supposed to be me?”
“well, obviously, you’re mr. pickles,” he said with a grin.
“and you’re gojo?”
“exactly.”
you laughed, shaking your head. “geto, you’re ridiculous.”
“and yet, here you are,” he teased, nudging your shoulder lightly.
despite the chaos, you couldn’t deny that your little makeshift family—complete with a sock-stealing, lizard-catching cat and his annoyingly thoughtful owner—had started to grow on you. mr. pickles seemed calmer, you felt more relaxed, and even geto’s awkward attempts at affection were kind of endearing. maybe, just maybe, these two weren’t so bad after all.
but honestly, you should’ve known geto would take a casual dinner and make it look like an event. the moment you opened the door and saw him standing there, you realized just how badly you underestimated the man’s ability to weaponize his looks. he’d ditched the usual button-ups for a fitted black turtleneck that clung to him like a second skin, paired with tailored gray slacks that looked more expensive than your monthly rent. his hair was tied back in a sleek ponytail, but a few stray strands framed his face just enough to be annoyingly perfect. and then there was the smell—some cologne that was equal parts warm and spicy, making your knees wobble like a newborn deer.
“you…uh, look nice,” you managed to stutter, awkwardly gesturing him in. he chuckled, stepping inside. “thanks. figured i should dress up a little since you’re going all out with dinner.” oh, so now it’s your fault for making dinner sound like a five-star experience when it was really just some pasta and garlic bread. meanwhile, your own reflection in the hallway mirror mocked you mercilessly. you were still in your semi-formal college attire: a blazer that was slightly too big, a wrinkled blouse, and pants that had seen better days. you could have changed, but no, you thought you’d save time and effort. bad call.
dinner itself went surprisingly smoothly. mr. pickles and gojo cat managed to coexist at the food station, which was nothing short of miraculous. out of the corner of your eye, you saw gojo nudging a small portion of his food toward mr. pickles, who sniffed it delicately before accepting. “look at them,” geto said with a soft smile, catching your gaze. “sharing like that. think it’s love?” you scoffed, trying to ignore how his smile made your heart race. “or maybe gojo’s just trying to butter her up so she doesn’t swat him later.”
“harsh,” geto replied, leaning back in his chair. “you’re cynical. i like it.”
after dinner, you were about to tackle the dishes when geto, ever the overachieving law student, pulled out his macbook. the glow of the screen illuminated his face as he typed furiously, answering emails and looking like the poster boy for "i have my life together."
“work?” you asked, carrying a stack of plates to the sink. “just a few emails,” he said, not looking up. “one of the partners at my internship sent over some last-minute questions.” you blinked, watching him with mild disbelief. “it’s a friday night.”
“welcome to international law,” he said dryly, fingers flying across the keyboard. against your better judgment, you found yourself… impressed? his focus, his confidence, the way his sleeves were rolled up just enough to show off his forearms—it was annoyingly attractive. “ugh, law students,” you muttered under your breath, scrubbing at a plate. “what was that?” suguru asked, looking up with a smirk. “nothing,” you said quickly, turning back to the sink. “just saying how dedicated you are.” he laughed, the sound low and warm. “you’re bad at lying, you know.”
“and you’re bad at taking a break,” you shot back, trying to ignore the heat rising to your cheeks.
after a few more minutes of typing, geto finally closed his laptop and joined you in the kitchen. “here, let me help,” he offered, rolling up his sleeves further. “you cooked,” he said, taking a plate from your hands. “least i can do is clean up.” you wanted to argue, but the sight of geto, sleeves rolled up, standing beside you at the sink, made your brain short-circuit. “fine,” you mumbled, handing him a dish. “but if you drop one, i’m not forgiving you.”
“noted,” he said with a grin, elbow brushing yours as he worked. as you both washed dishes in companionable silence, you couldn’t help but glance at him every now and then, heart doing a stupid little flutter each time he caught you looking. maybe this dinner wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
geto had never been one to overthink simple things. he prided himself on his ability to stay cool and collected, whether it was during an exam, an internship interview, or wrangling gojo cat after he’d somehow escaped onto a neighbor’s balcony. but here, standing next to you, washing dishes, his heart was doing its best impression of a jazz drummer—completely out of rhythm and far too loud. he tried to focus on the task at hand, scrubbing a plate with the precision of a surgeon, but his brain was too busy short-circuiting over the sheer domesticity of the moment. you, standing next to him, a faint smile on your lips as you passed him a dish. mr. pickles and gojo cat sitting like a mismatched elderly couple in the corner, their rivalry seemingly paused for the evening. this was too much. domesticity was his weakness, and you were unknowingly his kryptonite.
"you know," he started, trying to sound casual, "i’ve been working on my forearms lately. gotta make sure gojo has a sturdy perch when i carry him." your laugh was soft but genuine, and it hit him right in the chest. "oh yeah? is that why you’ve been flexing every chance you get? because i was starting to think you were just trying to flirt." he froze, plate in hand, before turning to look at you with a mock-offended expression. "flirt? me? that’s slander. i’m just a humble man with well-defined forearms doing his civic duty.”
"right," you drawled, rolling your eyes as you handed him another dish. okay, suguru, he thought. focus. this is the perfect moment. ask the question. it’s not that big of a deal. except it was a big deal. because it wasn’t just about asking if you’d like to carpool to college every day. it was about getting more time with you, sharing little moments like this. he cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. "hey, uh…you know how i drive to college every day?" you glanced at him, a little confused. "yeah?"
"and you, uh, also go to college every day?"
"correct," you said slowly, raising an eyebrow.
he could feel his palms starting to sweat despite the soapy water. this was ridiculous. why was he nervous? it was just a question! but somehow, the thought of you saying no made his stomach twist. "so," he continued, trying to keep his tone light, "i was thinking…maybe we could drive together? you know, save on gas, reduce our carbon footprint, that kind of thing." you blinked at him, clearly caught off guard. "you want to carpool with me?"
"yeah," he said quickly, nodding. "i mean, it makes sense, right? we’re both going the same way, and i wouldn’t mind the company. plus, i’ve got this playlist i’ve been dying to share." that wasn’t entirely true. his playlist was a chaotic mix of instrumental lo-fi, 90’s rock and songs gojo cat seemed to enjoy, but he’d happily curate something just for you if it meant hearing you laugh and sing along.
"you’re serious?" you asked, and he swore he could see a hint of a smile tugging at your lips. "dead serious," he said, putting on his best poker face. "it’s a purely logistical decision, of course. nothing to do with the fact that i think you’re great company or anything." you stared at him for a moment before breaking into a laugh, and he felt his shoulders relax just a little. "okay," you said finally. "sure, let’s carpool." he grinned, feeling an almost embarrassing amount of relief. "awesome. you won’t regret it, i promise." as you turned back to the sink, he couldn’t help but steal a glance at you, his heart still doing its offbeat jazz solo. yeah, this was going to be good. better than good, even.
the last dish was set on the drying rack, and with it came the awkward silence that always followed. you and geto exchanged a glance, both of you clearly trying to decide what came next. do you send him off with a polite "thanks for the help," or do you suggest something casual? ugh, why was this so hard?
"soooo," you started, awkwardly fidgeting with a dishtowel. "uh, do you��want ice cream?" geto blinked at you, his expression pleasantly surprised. "ice cream?"
"yeah, you know, frozen dairy, sugar, flavors," you said, waving your hands vaguely like you were describing some rare delicacy. "do international law students even like convenience store ice cream? or are you more into, like, artisanal stuff churned by monks in the alps?" his laugh was low and warm, the kind of laugh that made you feel like you’d just won something. "as tempting as alps-monks-churned ice cream sounds, i’m fine with rocky road if you’ve got it."
rocky road. he’s perfect, you thought as you rummaged in the freezer, pulling out a pint. mr. pickles, ever the queen, trotted over and sat primly by your feet, tail twitching as if she expected you to serve her a scoop. gojo cat, on the other hand, had found a stray spoon to bat around the kitchen floor like it was his life’s mission. you handed geto a bowl, and he graciously accepted before pulling out his macbook and setting it on the table. "mind if i put something on?"
"as long as it’s not UN debates or a soba recipe tutorial," you teased, leaning over to peer at his screen. to your credit, you weren’t snooping—you were just curious about what kind of stuff an international law student kept on their homepage. but the minute you saw it, you froze. nestled among his neatly arranged bookmarks for email, law journals, and a soba takeout joint, was your spotify profile. your brain went into immediate overdrive. oh dear god. oh no. oh yes. wait, what?
you fought the urge to gasp, to point, to scream into the void. instead, you settled for the most nonchalant reaction you could muster. "huh. your bookmarks are so…organized." but your awkward tone gave you away, and geto, sharp as ever, followed your gaze. when his eyes landed on the offending bookmark, he paused mid-scoop, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. "oh," he said, clearly trying to play it cool. "uh, yeah. that’s—uh, for convenience. you know, for when you share playlists and stuff."
"totally," you replied, nodding far too enthusiastically. "makes sense. who doesn’t bookmark their friends’ spotify profiles?" you were lying through your teeth, and you both knew it. but instead of feeling weirded out, your heart felt like it might actually burst. he bookmarked your spotify. this ridiculously attractive, smart, and funny guy has done something so nerdy and cute, and you think you might die. the silence stretched awkwardly until you couldn’t take it anymore. "so…what’s your favorite playlist of mine?" you asked, trying to keep your tone casual but failing miserably.
geto, to his credit, recovered quickly. "probably the one you called ‘in the clerb, we all cryin’.’ it’s got a lot of questionable choices."
"questionable choices?" you gasped, feigning offense. "excuse me, those are carefully curated emotional masterpieces!"
"right, right," he said, nodding solemnly but with a teasing glint in his eyes. "masterpieces like, what was it? ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia followed by party rock anthem?"
"that’s called range, geto."
he laughed again, and you swore it was the best sound you’d ever heard. meanwhile, gojo cat had successfully cornered the spoon under the fridge, and mr. pickles let out an indignant meow, clearly unimpressed by the lack of attention directed her way. "anyways," you said, clearing your throat and desperately trying to steer the conversation away from how much your soul had ascended, "what are we watching?" he smirked, clearly enjoying your flustered state. "how about a soba recipe tutorial? you know, for research purposes."
"get out of my house," you deadpanned, throwing a napkin at him. but deep down, you couldn’t stop smiling. maybe you did like geto. just a little. or a lot. who’s counting?
-
the youtube video played on, gordon ramsey passionately dissecting the finer points of why "tiramisu supremacy" should be the law of the land, but you weren’t paying attention anymore. instead, you were hyper-aware of the ridiculously attractive man next to you, lounging on your bed, casually eating rocky road like he wasn’t a complete menace to your sanity. gojo cat had stationed himself at your feet, swiping lazily at a loose thread on your blanket. mr. pickles, in a rare display of domestic harmony, perched regally on a pillow next to geto like she was claiming him as her territory. you could almost hear her smug little cat thoughts: this one? yes, acceptable.
meanwhile, you? you were losing it. somehow—through some strange twist of fate or cosmic joke—your head had ended up resting on geto’s chest. his chest. his sculpted, unfairly perfect chest. you told yourself it was for comfort, or convenience, or whatever excuse your brain could scramble together. oh god, is this okay? what if he thinks i’m weird? or worse, what if he doesn’t care at all?
his arm was just kind of… hovering there, like it didn’t know what to do. his bicep flexed every time he adjusted, and you swore it was on purpose. it’s not on purpose, idiot. calm down. "you good there?" his voice cut through your internal spiral, warm and teasing. you cleared your throat, suddenly self-conscious. "uh, yeah. totally fine. just... comfortable, i guess."
"comfortable, huh?" he echoed, his tone light but his heart doing cartwheels. she’s comfortable. okay. don’t freak out. play it cool. meanwhile, geto was absolutely not playing it cool. this is fine. this is normal. people hang out like this all the time. friends. buddies. totally platonic. on a bed. watching gordon ramsey. with her head on my chest. oh god, i’m dying. his arm was still hovering awkwardly, and it was starting to cramp. should he just—? no. too much. but maybe? before he could overthink it further, you shifted slightly, glancing up at him.
"you can, you know," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. he blinked down at you, dumbfounded. "can what?"
"put your arm around me," you mumbled, cheeks heating up like a furnace. geto’s brain short-circuited. oh god, she said i can. she actually said i can. is this real? am i dreaming? where’s gojo? he needs to see this. wait, no, absolutely not. this is private. oh god, my arm.
"uh, yeah. sure," he finally said, his voice cracking just a little as he tried to sound casual. his arm settled around your shoulders, warm and solid, and you let out a content sigh. meanwhile, internally, he was screaming. this is the best day of his life.
"you’re stiff as hell," you teased, glancing up at him. "sorry, it’s just—i’m not used to—" he fumbled, trailing off. "chill out," you said with a soft laugh, your hand lightly resting on his chest. "it’s just me."
just you. the girl he’d been pining after for weeks. the girl whose spotify profile he’d bookmarked. the girl whose cats he’d willingly co-parented like an idiot in love. he wasn’t even sure how he was still breathing. "yeah," he said softly, his lips quirking into a small smile. "just you."
"hey, are you even watching?" you asked, gesturing at the screen where ramsey was now passionately defending the honor of cannoli. "uh, yeah. totally," he lied, having absolutely no idea what was happening in the video. "oh yeah? then what’s his stance on panna cotta?" you challenged, raising an eyebrow. geto paused for a second, then grinned sheepishly. "panna whatta?" you groaned, laughing despite yourself. "you’re hopeless."
"hopelessly charmed," he muttered under his breath, but thankfully, the loud volume drowned it out. gojo cat let out an exaggerated yawn, curling up at the foot of the bed, while mr. pickles blinked at both of you with what could only be described as approval. and for a brief moment, with you curled up against him, geto thought that maybe, just maybe, domesticity wasn’t so bad after all.
the clock on your bedside table glowed 9:30 pm, the red numbers a cruel reminder that sunday was slipping away. geto shifted slightly, the arm around your shoulders reluctantly moving as if to signal his departure. right. college tomorrow. responsibilities. but neither of you moved. instead, his attempt to lift his arm ended in a poorly executed maneuver that pulled you closer—much closer. suddenly, your face was inches from his, and you could feel the warmth radiating off his skin. his breath hitched. oh god. oh no. oh yes. what if he does something stupid? like kiss you? no, bad idea. abort. retreat. pull away. you’ll think he’s weird—
you kissed him first. his brain went blank.
your lips pressed softly against his, a tentative, curious movement that sent every coherent thought in his mind scattering like autumn leaves in the wind. your lip balm—something fruity, maybe peach?—lingered on his lips, blending with the faint taste of rocky road ice cream. his heart stopped, then kickstarted with a force that left him lightheaded. "oh," he murmured against your lips, his voice barely audible. "oh?" you pulled back slightly, a teasing smile quirking your lips. "i — i mean —" he stammered, his cheeks flushing a deep pink. "uh, wow."
"wow?" you laughed softly, your hands sliding up his chest, your fingers curling lightly into his shirt. "shut up," he groaned, but his grin betrayed him as his hands instinctively found your waist, steadying you as you moved to straddle his lap. oh god. oh god. she’s on my lap. this is not a drill. repeat, this is not a drill. "you’re awfully red, suguru," you teased, your tone light, but the way your fingers brushed against his jaw made his pulse race. "yeah, well, you’re—" he cut himself off, his eyes flickering to your lips before meeting your gaze. "you’re unfairly pretty, okay? and i’m trying not to pass out here."
"pretty?" you echoed, feigning innocence as you leaned in closer, your noses brushing. "is that all?" he chuckled, low and breathy. "pretty, gorgeous, unfairly cute. take your pick." before he could spiral into another wave of self-doubt, you kissed him again, and this time, he responded in full. his lips moved against yours, slow and deliberate, like he wanted to savor every second. his hands tightened on your waist, pulling you flush against him, his fingers flexing like he couldn’t quite believe you were real. in the background, gordon ramsey’s voice bellowed something about undercooked risotto, but neither of you noticed. this is what dreams are made of, right? he thought. her lips, her taste, the way she’s holding onto me like i’m her favorite person in the world. rocky road and lip balm and… gordon ramsey? okay, ignore that. focus. focus on her.
"you good there, suguru?" you murmured against his lips, your voice laced with amusement. "good?" he echoed, his hands sliding up to cradle your face. "i’m amazing. incredible. best night of my life, no contest."
"you’re such a dork," you laughed, your forehead resting against his. "yeah, well," he said, his smile softening as his thumb brushed along your cheek. "you like this dork."
"i do," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. his heart soared. he tightened his hold on you, his lips ghosting over yours once more as he whispered, "good. because i don’t think i’m letting you go anytime soon." the clock ticked on, but neither of you cared anymore. responsibilities could wait.
-
just as geto’s lips brushed against yours for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, a loud, synchronized cacophony of meows erupted from the corner of the bed. you both froze.
there sat gojo cat and mr. pickles, staring at the two of you with matching expressions of feline judgment. mr. pickles, her fur slightly puffed and her eyes narrowed, let out an indignant mrrrow that sounded suspiciously like "get a room." gojo cat, ever the instigator, joined in with an exaggerated meeeooowwww, his tail flicking dramatically as if to say, "seriously? right in front of us?"
“oh my god,” you mumbled, burying your face in geto’s neck as he chuckled, the sound rumbling against you. “i think we’ve offended the fur babies,” he said, clearly trying not to laugh too loudly as gojo cat began pacing in circles, yowling like a siren. “offended? they sound like they’re trying to declare war,” you muttered, pulling back reluctantly. “maybe they’re just jealous,” geto teased, his dark eyes twinkling as he reached up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. “jealous of what?” you scoffed, glancing at the cats. mr. pickles was still bristling like a wronged queen, while gojo cat was now attempting to paw at the edge of the bed for dramatic emphasis.
“of this.” geto smirked, leaning in like he was about to steal another kiss, but mr. pickles let out a sharp hiss, cutting him off. “okay, okay, time out!” you said, waving your hands in surrender. with a sigh, geto released you, though his hand lingered on your waist for a moment longer. “guess that’s our cue.” you followed him to the door, the cats trailing behind like disapproving chaperones. gojo cat let out one last, drawn-out meow as if to say "good riddance," while mr. pickles sat primly by the door, glaring up at geto with all the disdain she could muster. “she’s really protective of you, huh?” geto said, slipping his shoes on. “always has been,” you replied, your hand resting on the doorknob. “probably doesn’t help that you keep bribing her with treats.”
“bribing?” he repeated, feigning offense. “that’s called building trust.”
“sure it is, mr. international law,” you teased, leaning against the doorframe.
he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “speaking of trust, uh… i’ll pick you up tomorrow? for class?” you raised an eyebrow, smirking. “trying to make this a habit now?”
“well,” he said, his cheeks pinking slightly, “i figured i’d bring you another one of those fancy croissants. and, you know, maybe see you smile first thing in the morning again.” your chest tightened at his words, warmth spreading through you. “smooth, geto.”
“is that a yes?” he asked, his voice softer now, his gaze locked on yours. “yeah,” you said, your lips curving into a smile. before he could step out, he leaned down, his lips brushing yours in a quick but lingering kiss that made your heart race. when he pulled back, his smile was uncharacteristically shy.
“goodnight,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“goodnight,” you replied, watching as he walked away, his hands stuffed into his pockets but his stride noticeably lighter.
as you closed the door, you turned to find mr. pickles sitting side by side, staring up at you with unreadable expressions. “don’t look at me like that,” you said, pointing at her. “you’re the ones who ruined the moment.” mr. pickles let out a chirpy meep , as if to say "i’m just doing my job," before padding back to her nesting area with an air of smug satisfaction. you shook your head, unable to stop the grin spreading across your face. whatever this thing with suguru was, you didn’t want it to end. not now, not ever.
chapter 5: justin bieber and other forms of groveling
you swung the door open, expecting to find a text from geto telling you to come downstairs like a normal person. instead, you were met with him. suguru geto, standing at your doorstep, looking like he’d just stepped out of a gq photoshoot. “morning!” he greeted cheerfully, his voice as smooth as his suit. yes, a suit. a dark, perfectly tailored one that hugged his broad shoulders and slim waist just right, paired with a crisp white shirt unbuttoned at the top, exposing just a hint of his collarbone. the whole look was topped off with a skinny black tie and shiny leather oxfords that somehow made you question if you were even allowed to walk next to him. and don’t even get started on his hair—pulled back into a low bun, with a few loose strands framing his stupidly perfect face. “why—why are you here?” you stammered, gripping the doorframe for support because, honestly, this man might be a health hazard. “thought i’d save you the trip downstairs,” he said casually, though his lips curled into a smirk like he knew exactly what he was doing. “besides, i wanted to see you earlier.” great. now your heart was doing this weird fluttery thing, and you hated it. “you know you could’ve just texted me, right? like a normal person?”
“where’s the fun in that?” he quipped, his voice tinged with amusement.
ugh.
the first thing that hit you when you slid into his car—a sleek black bmw z4 convertible with the top down—was the overwhelming scent of car cleaner mixed with him. “did you—did you just get this cleaned?” you asked, wrinkling your nose at the smell. “maybe,” he replied, a little too quickly. you glanced at the dashboard, which was spotless and gleaming. the leather seats looked freshly polished, and there wasn’t a single crumb or speck of dust in sight. well, except for the faint trace of orange fur on the passenger seat. “you missed a spot,” you teased, pointing at the fur. “gojo,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head. “aw, don’t be mad at him,” you said, grinning. “he’s just marking his territory.”
“yeah, well, he’s not paying for this car, is he?” suguru shot back, though the corners of his lips twitched upward. the car smelled like money, honestly. the leather had that rich, almost intimidating scent, and the steering wheel looked like it had been handcrafted by someone with a phd in luxury interiors. but somehow, there was this comforting undertone of suguru’s cologne—spicy, woodsy, and ridiculously distracting. you tried to act normal, like you weren’t suddenly hyper-aware of how close you were to him in this car that felt way too intimate for a ride to campus. “so, what’s the occasion?” you asked, nodding toward his suit as he pulled out onto the main road. “internship meeting after class,” he explained, keeping his eyes on the road. “wanted to make a good impression.”
“yeah, well, mission accomplished,” you mumbled, more to yourself than him, but he still heard. “what was that?” he asked, glancing at you with a playful smirk. “nothing,” you said quickly, your cheeks heating. as he drove, you found yourself sneaking glances at his hands on the wheel. his sleeves were rolled up just enough to expose his forearms, which looked unfairly muscular for a guy who claimed to “barely have time for the gym.” the veins running up his arms were just… there, taunting you.
“you’ve been working out, huh?” you blurted, unable to stop yourself. he chuckled, a low, warm sound that made your stomach flip. “noticed, huh?”
“kind of hard not to when your biceps are trying to break out of that shirt,” you retorted, trying to sound nonchalant. “oh, this?” he said, flexing his forearm slightly as he adjusted the gearshift, clearly showing off. “ugh, stop,” you groaned, covering your face with your hands. “you’re so annoying.”
“and yet here you are,” he teased, shooting you a quick grin before turning his attention back to the road. as you sat there, half-annoyed and half-smitten, you couldn’t help but think that this man was going to be the death of you.
-
the two of you sat in the car outside your campus building for a moment longer than necessary. the engine was off, but the atmosphere buzzed with something heavy, something neither of you dared to name yet. geto had one hand draped lazily over the steering wheel, the other resting casually on the gearshift, but you weren’t fooled. his jaw was tense, and his thumb tapped nervously against the leather, a small tell that you’d come to recognize. he didn’t want this ride to end. neither did you, if you were being honest. “so,” you started, your voice almost shy. “thanks for the ride.” he glanced over at you, his dark eyes soft but smoldering all at once. “yeah,” he said, his voice low, “anytime.” and just when you thought he’d let you leave, he moved.
his hand—large, warm, and calloused just enough to send a thrill through you—slipped behind your neck, his fingers brushing against your skin in a way that sent goosebumps racing down your arms. the touch was firm but gentle, commanding but tender.
“come here,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
you didn’t even have time to process before he pulled you in, his lips crashing against yours with a fervor that left you breathless. this wasn’t just a goodbye kiss; no, this was something deeper, something that spoke of longing and frustration and a thousand unsaid things. his lips were soft but insistent, moving against yours like he was trying to memorize the feel of you, like he didn’t care that the windows weren’t tinted enough for the scene unfolding inside. his tongue swept against your lower lip, asking, no, demanding entrance, and you couldn’t deny him. the taste of him—coffee from earlier, a hint of mint, and something uniquely suguru—was enough to make your head spin. your hand instinctively came up to his chest, fingers curling into the soft fabric of his shirt as if to steady yourself. but instead of pulling away, he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to get a better angle, and you thought you might actually lose all sense of reality.
when he finally pulled back, it wasn’t abrupt. no, he lingered, his lips brushing against yours one last time, as if reluctant to let go. his breathing was heavy, his cheeks slightly flushed, and when you looked up at him, you saw the faint sheen of your lip gloss smeared on his mouth. his lips—pink, swollen, and thoroughly kissed—were enough to make your brain short-circuit.
“you’ve got—” you gestured vaguely to his mouth, your voice shaky. he raised an eyebrow, smirking in that infuriatingly confident way. “lip gloss?” he guessed, his thumb brushing over his bottom lip like he was testing the feel of it. “yeah,” you mumbled, feeling your own cheeks heat up. “good,” he said simply, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “i’ll keep it.” you wanted to scream, cry, and maybe kiss him again all at once. instead, you just sat there, dazed, as he leaned back, looking entirely too pleased with himself.
“guess i should let you go now,” he said, though his tone made it clear he wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea. “yeah,” you managed to say, though your legs felt like jelly just thinking about walking into that building. as you stepped out of the car, the smell of car cleaner and his cologne still lingering around you, you could feel the weight of people’s stares. it wasn’t like fancy cars were a rare sight, but you stepping out of that car, looking thoroughly flustered and kissed? yeah, that was something. you glanced back at him one last time before closing the door. he gave you a small wave, the smirk still firmly in place. “i’ll pick you up later,” he called out, and you swore you heard the faintest hint of smugness in his voice. “yeah, okay,” you replied, trying to sound normal even though your entire body felt like it was on fire. as you walked toward the building, your mind raced with one singular thought: suguru geto was going to be the end of you. and honestly? you were okay with that.
-
as geto shifted gears and eased into a parking spot, he let out a long breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. "oh, suguru, what a smooth operator you are," he muttered to himself, running a hand through his already-perfect hair. but as his fingers grazed his lips, he froze. oh no.
your lip gloss—that faint pink menace—was still there. he squinted into the rearview mirror, tilting his face left and right like he was analyzing evidence at a crime scene. yup, definitely there. and definitely noticeable.
“cool. love that for me,” he said under his breath, grabbing a tissue from the glove compartment. he dabbed at his lips gently, trying to erase the sheen. but no matter how much he rubbed, it refused to disappear completely. a faint tint lingered, stubborn and utterly humiliating. not that he minded, of course. secretly, he was fighting the urge to giggle like a high schooler who just got his crush’s number. she kissed me, he thought, his inner monologue doing cartwheels. and now her lip gloss is on me. does this count as shared property? do i need to buy her a ring now? he glanced at the building where you’d disappeared moments ago. a soft smile tugged at his lips, but then he caught his own reflection again, and the smile turned into a scowl.
“focus, suguru. you’re an international law student, not a lovesick teen,” he muttered, trying to psych himself up. but then, completely unbidden, the lyrics hit him: shawty’s like a melody in my head that i can’t keep out—
“oh my god, no,” he groaned, dropping his forehead against the steering wheel. “pull it together.” he sat up straight, fixing his tie like he was about to walk into court, not class. still, his thoughts wandered back to the kiss. he could still feel the warmth of your lips on his, the way you tasted faintly of coffee and lip gloss. “yeah, okay, maybe i’m a little lovesick,” he admitted to no one, sighing dramatically. a loud honk snapped him out of his reverie, and he jerked upright, eyes darting around. some guy in a beat-up sedan gave him a look as if to say, get moving, pretty boy.
“right, right, focus,” geto muttered, putting the car into park. but the distraction had already done its damage. in his daydream, he’d nearly considered driving through the building instead of parking near it. and not for the first time. last semester, there’d been that unfortunate incident where he’d been too engrossed in memorizing legal jargon to realize he was barreling toward the curb. it wasn’t his finest moment, but hey, everyone made mistakes. this time, though, it wasn’t legal jargon messing with his head. it was you.
after ensuring his car was perfectly parked (and double-checking for rogue curbs), he checked his reflection one last time. hair? immaculate. tie? sharp. lips? …still faintly pink. he sighed, leaning back in his seat. "well, if anyone asks, it’s my new look," he muttered, smirking to himself. but deep down, he wasn’t bothered. in fact, the idea of walking into his building, pink lip gloss and all, knowing it was from you? yeah, he could live with that.
-
you glance at your phone for what feels like the millionth time, the lock screen mocking you with its time: 6:45 p.m. every minute that ticks by feels like an eternity. where the hell was geto? the man who swore on rocky road ice cream and cats that he’d pick you up after class. “ugh, liar,” you grumble under your breath, clutching your phone tighter. you dial his number again, half-hoping, half-dreading, that he’d pick up. the line rings once, twice, and then straight to voicemail. “figures.”
the campus courtyard is thinning out now, with most students heading home or to their dorms. you, however, are still standing at the edge of the parking lot, looking like the poster child for loser-core chic. a group of girls you vaguely recognize from your department walk by, their giggles low and conspiratorial as they glance in your direction. one of them nudges her friend and whispers loudly, “see? i told you. you can’t trust law guys. they’re always playing games.” you stiffen, feeling your cheeks heat. okay, rude. but also…they might have a point?
“poor girl,” another one says, her voice dripping with pity. “she probably thought she was special.” your jaw tightens as you resist the urge to shout back, no, actually, he’s probably just late! maybe traffic, or… or… you groan inwardly. even you don’t buy your excuses anymore. just as you’re debating whether to crawl under a bush and live there forever, your deskmate, nanami kento, approaches. ever the epitome of politeness, he clears his throat softly before speaking. “hey,” he begins, adjusting the strap of his leather satchel. “are you, uh, waiting for someone?”
you force a smile, trying to appear less like a rejected rom-com protagonist. “yeah, uh… my ride’s just running a little late.” nanami’s brow furrows slightly, and he glances at his watch. “it’s been over thirty minutes.”
ouch. okay, way to rub salt in the wound, kento.
he sighs, looking almost…sympathetic? “i could drop you off if you’d like. it’s on my way.”
normally, any sane, self-respecting woman would jump at the chance to be chauffeured home by nanami kento—a man so punctual and reliable, he’s basically a walking swiss watch. but alas, you are neither self-respecting nor particularly sane at this moment. “thanks, nanami, but i’m good,” you say, waving him off with a grin that’s probably more pained than reassuring. he nods slowly, clearly unconvinced but too polite to argue. “alright. take care, then.” as he walks away, you let out a long sigh, your earlier bravado crumbling. “ugh, geto, you’re so dead,” you mutter under your breath, kicking a stray pebble across the pavement. by now, the campus is nearly deserted, and the idea of taking the bus home looms over you like a dark cloud. with a resigned sigh, you check the bus schedule on your phone. the next one isn’t due for another 15 minutes. just perfect.
the bus ride home is as glamorous as you’d expect—fluorescent lights that make everyone look vaguely ill, the faint smell of stale chips and rubber, and the occasional bump that sends you jerking forward. you plop into an empty seat, your bag clutched tightly on your lap. a group of teenagers in the back snicker about something, and the guy across from you is humming off-key to whatever’s blasting through his headphones. yeah, this is way better than being driven home in a bmw z4, you think bitterly, rolling your eyes.
the faint scent of orange fur clings to your bag, and you wonder if it’s from gojo cat sneaking into geto’s car this morning. the thought makes you irrationally mad all over again. i bet the car is fine. he probably just forgot or something stupid like that. you lean your head against the window, watching the city lights blur past. the rhythmic hum of the bus is oddly calming, but your thoughts are anything but. what if he’s hurt? a small, worried voice pipes up in the back of your mind. but you squash it quickly. no, he’s just being an idiot.
-
geto is convinced this is how he dies—not by some massive legal scandal or a tragic car accident, but by sheer embarrassment. the moment the clock hit 6:00 p.m., he knew he was doomed. when the hands of time ticked past 6:45, panic set in. it’s fine, he had told himself, gripping his steering wheel with white-knuckled determination. she probably hasn’t even noticed yet. but she had noticed. oh god, had she noticed. every missed call and unread text was like a dagger to his heart. he could practically feel your disappointment vibrating through his phone. the sheer audacity of his internship, requiring him to sit through endless discussions about treaties and bylaws while you were out there—waiting for him like some rom-com protagonist.
and what does he find when he finally arrives at campus? absolutely nothing. a deserted lot, the soft hum of crickets, and not a single trace of you. he rubs a hand over his face, groaning as he slams his car door shut. great, suguru. really great. not only do you make law students look unreliable, but you’ve also officially cemented yourself as a clown in front of the only person who matters.
so, he does the only thing a desperate man can do: breaks every traffic law ever invented, zipping through yellow lights and cutting corners like it’s his goddamn personal mission to get to the apartment before you disappear entirely. “please don’t hate me,” he mutters under his breath as his bmw roars down the street. “i’ll get on my knees if i have to. maybe not in public, but like…if it comes to that.”
meanwhile, you’re trudging through the dimly lit hallway of your apartment complex, the bus ride home having sucked every last ounce of life out of you. your feet ache, your bag feels heavier than ever, and your faith in men has plummeted to new depths. he didn’t even call back. the audacity, you think bitterly, fumbling for your keys. wasn’t i just defending international law men this morning? god, i’m so stupid.
you’re too busy cursing geto to notice the looming figure leaning casually against the wall by the elevator—sukuna. he smells like croissants and cigarettes, an objectively weird combination that somehow works when it’s him. his uniform—a black button-down rolled up to the elbows and an apron slung lazily over one shoulder—is dusted with flour. “yo,” he greets, his voice low and gravelly as always. you freeze mid-step, praying you don’t look like a drowned rat after that miserable commute. “uh, hey.”
“late night?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow as he takes in your obvious exhaustion. “something like that,” you mumble, trying not to sound as annoyed as you feel. sukuna’s sharp eyes flick to your bag. “bus, huh? thought you were too fancy for public transport these days. what happened to prince charming?” oh great. just what i needed, you think, rolling your eyes internally. “prince charming is currently on my list,” you snap, more to yourself than him. “yikes.” sukuna lets out a low chuckle, his smirk infuriatingly smug. “guess mr. perfect isn’t as perfect as you thought.”
“okay, first of all,” you shoot back, “i’m not having this conversation with you. second, why do you even care?” he shrugs, clearly unbothered. “i don’t. just funny to see you slumming it with the rest of us peasants.” before you can muster a witty retort, the sound of rapid footsteps echoes down the hallway. you both turn just in time to see geto rushing in, his tie slightly askew and his expression one of pure panic.
“there you are,” he blurts, skidding to a stop in front of you. his eyes dart between you and sukuna, his brows furrowing slightly. “oh, now you show up,” you say, crossing your arms. “did you have fun ghosting me for two hours?”
“wait, i can explain—”
“can’t wait to hear this,” sukuna mutters under his breath, earning a glare from you.
geto runs a hand through his hair, his words spilling out in a rush. “i got stuck at my internship, and they don’t let us use our phones— stupid rule, i know—but i swear i tried to get to you as fast as i could. i even broke, like, five traffic laws. maybe six.” you narrow your eyes, unimpressed. “and that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“no! i mean, yes! i mean…” he groans, clearly flustered. “look, i’m sorry. really. i’ll do anything to make it up to you. please don’t be mad.” sukuna snickers, leaning back against the wall. “wow. anything, huh? bold move, law boy.”
“can you not?” you snap at sukuna before turning back to geto. “fine. you can start by explaining why my calls didn’t matter enough for you to pick up.”
“they did matter!” geto insists, his voice rising slightly. “i swear, if i could’ve answered, i would’ve.” sukuna snorts, muttering, “sounds like excuses to me.”
“dude, seriously?” geto snaps, finally losing his patience. “guys, enough!” you cut in, throwing your hands up. “i’m too tired for this. suguru, if you’re really sorry, you can start by leaving me alone for the rest of the night.”
geto’s face falls, but he nods reluctantly. “okay. yeah. i’ll go.” as he turns to leave, sukuna shoots you a smug grin. “guess prince charming isn’t so charming after all.” you groan, pinching the bridge of your nose.
-
you’re sprawled out on your couch in the most dramatic fashion imaginable, mr. pickles perched on your chest like some kind of feline overlord. her tail swishes back and forth, slapping your face occasionally as if she’s judging you for your life choices. can’t even secure a law student, her gaze seems to say. and honestly? fair. lanas haunting voice croons “the other woman” from your speaker, because of course your brain thought this was the perfect soundtrack to your misery. who is the other woman, his degree? you wonder, staring blankly at the ceiling while mr. pickles kneads your collarbone with zero regard for your comfort. maybe it’s the un charter. maybe she’s prettier than me. you groan, picking up your phone to scroll aimlessly, only to see it light up with a string of notifications. it’s geto.
geto: hey. geto: i’m so sorry, seriously. geto: please don’t hate me. geto: gojo cat is crying.
and there it is, a picture of gojo cat edited with comically large tears streaming down his face. you snort despite yourself.
geto: i can explain. geto: the internship is evil. geto: satan himself probably drafted those treaties. geto: and i had to read them all. geto: sorry :((((
you roll your eyes but feel your lips twitch. the messages keep coming.
geto: look, i even made a playlist called “my apologies” to make it up to you. geto: song 1: sorry by justin bieber. geto: song 2: call me maybe by carly rae jespen. geto: song 3: i’m a fool by cee lo green.
you’re this close to laughing when another message pops up.
geto: please forgive me, i’ll do anything. geto: i’ll even let mr. pickles sit in the bmw.
now you’re grinning. typing back, you send:
you: door’s unlocked.
the next sound you hear is heavy footsteps thundering down the hallway above. you blink. “he’s running,” you mutter, barely containing your laughter. within seconds, there’s a knock at your door, and when you yell for him to come in, the door swings open to reveal a completely disheveled geto. his hair’s a mess, his suit jacket is halfway off his shoulder, and he’s panting like he just ran a marathon. “you’re serious about leaving your door unlocked?” he breathes out, a hand on the doorframe for balance. “why are you out of breath?” you ask, trying not to laugh. “you live one floor up.”
“sprinted,” he replies, straightening up. “priorities.”
mr. pickles hops off your chest with a disgruntled meow, sauntering over to sniff him. she gives a little approving chirp before settling down by his feet. “even mr. pickles forgave me,” he says, grinning like an idiot. “so, am i forgiven?” you lean back into the couch, trying to look unimpressed. “you sent me a justin bieber song.”
“a classic apology move,” he counters, stepping closer. “and gojo cat cried. that’s how sorry i am.” you roll your eyes but hold out your hand. “fine. you’re forgiven.” he takes your hand, pulling you up from the couch into his arms without hesitation. “good. because i’m never missing another ride again. next time, i’m picking you up in advance, like a whole hour early.” you snort. “you’d probably park outside my window and text me to hurry up.”
“absolutely,” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’ll even bring coffee. and croissants.” mr. pickles lets out a loud, approving chirp. ah, love.
-
it did feel a little ridiculous, the way you were sprawled on top of geto on your couch, both of you tangled together in a heap of limbs. but neither of you seemed to care. he had one arm slung around your waist, keeping you steady, while his free hand lazily traced circles on your thigh. you were lying chest to chest, close enough to feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat under your cheek. "you know," he said, voice slightly muffled as he buried his face in your hair, "if i ever screw up like that again, i’m giving mr. pickles full authority to end me. claws out, no mercy." you lifted your head to meet his gaze, one eyebrow raised. "oh, she’d do it too. and with that belly of hers, she’s got some extra power now."
as if on cue, mr. pickles let out a loud, approving purr from her spot at the other end of the room, delicately grooming her very pregnant self. her tail flicked in what you could only assume was satisfaction at being included in this hypothetical revenge plot. geto chuckled, his hands tightening slightly on your waist. "there you have it. mr. pickles as judge, jury, and executioner. i’m officially terrified." you smiled, tracing the line of his jaw with your finger. "as you should be. she takes no prisoners."
“and neither do i,” he murmured, his tone dipping as he tilted his head up to kiss you. the shift in mood was sudden but not unwelcome. his lips pressed against yours with the kind of determination that made you forget how to breathe for a second. his hands slid to your hips, holding you in place as he leaned back against the cushions, taking you with him. "you’re really trying to prove a point, huh?" you teased, breath hitching as his grip tightened. "i don’t think words are enough," he said between kisses, his voice low and smooth. "actions speak louder, right?" and speak they did. his hands wandered lower, firmly grabbing the soft curve of your ass, earning a surprised squeak from you. "suguru," you warned half-heartedly, though your hips involuntarily shifted against him. he grinned up at you, the picture of smug satisfaction. "what? i don’t hear you complaining."
“yet,” you shot back, but your body betrayed you, rolling your hips again as heat pooled in your stomach. "thought so," he said, voice dipping into a near growl. his hands guided your movements, holding you steady as he kissed you again, deeper this time. it wasn’t just apologetic; it was hungry, desperate, and laced with a promise to make up for every missed second. mr. pickles, ever the unbothered queen, yawned loudly from her perch. apparently, the impending chaos was none of her business.
things were absolutely peachy—literally and figuratively—because there you were, straddling geto on your worn-out couch like it was the most natural thing in the world. his tie had been discarded somewhere (you’ll probably find it wedged under the couch cushions next month), and his usually crisp shirt was wrinkled beyond salvation. his hands, warm and firm, roamed over your thighs and hips, eventually settling on your ass, which he seemed determined to commit to memory with the way he kept squeezing. it was flattering, really. all those squats and lugging around mr. pickles’ oversized carrier had not gone unnoticed.
“you’re really into this, huh?” you teased between kisses, nipping at his bottom lip just to feel the soft hitch in his breath. he grinned against your lips, shameless and unrepentant. “what can i say? i’m a man of taste.” his hands squeezed again, making you jolt slightly. “and damn, this is a masterpiece.”
“oh my god, suguru,” you groaned, half-laughing, half-mortified. “you sound like a bad rom-com character.” he tilted his head back, letting out a deep, rumbling laugh that made your stomach flip. “hey, i call it like i see it. can’t help it if i’m honest.”
“yeah, well, your honesty’s about to get you kicked off this couch,” you shot back, though your hands betrayed you, sliding up his chest to cup his face. “oh, c’mon,” he said, leaning up to kiss you again, softer this time, like he was trying to remind you exactly why you hadn’t kicked him out yet. “you’d miss me too much.” and then, because suguru geto couldn’t let a moment of peace exist, he smirked and said, “besides, you’re the grandma of the house. gotta respect my elders.” you froze, pulling back just enough to stare at him with a look that could melt steel. “excuse me?”
“grandma,” he repeated, entirely too pleased with himself. “you know, since you’re mr. pickles’ mom and all. technically makes you—”
“i swear to god, suguru,” you interrupted, cutting him off with a sharp pinch to his side that made him yelp. “do you have a death wish?”
“what? it’s a term of endearment!” he tried, though his laughter betrayed him. “you’re lucky i like nerds,” you muttered, but your lips betrayed you, curving into a reluctant smile as you leaned down to kiss him again. “lucky indeed,” he murmured, hands finding their favorite spot once more. mr. pickles, meanwhile, let out a loud, judgmental meow from her perch, as if to remind both of you who really ran this house.
and geto? geto was panicking. like, full-blown, internal monologue of doom panicking. sure, he looked calm on the outside—well, except for the faint pink creeping up his neck and the way his hands were starting to tremble just a bit against your hips. but inside? oh, it was a mess.
he loves ass. he loves your ass. in fact, he loves you. and while those three facts should be enough to keep him focused and confident, they were doing the exact opposite. because—plot twist—he hasn’t exactly been in the game for a while. “okay, breathe, suguru,” he muttered to himself under his breath, trying to keep his cool as your hands idly played with the collar of his shirt. but your superwoman instincts picked up on everything , and your raised brow as you looked down at him only made things worse. “you good?” you asked, voice soft and teasing, but laced with genuine concern. “yeah, totally,” he replied too quickly, clearing his throat like that would erase the way his voice cracked. “i’m just—uh. just, you know... thinking.” you tilted your head, watching him with that infuriatingly cute little smile that made his stomach flip. “about what? you’re usually a lot smoother than this, geto.”
“oh god, i’m blowing it,” he groaned, letting his head thump lightly against the back of the couch as he finally let the words tumble out. “it’s just... it’s been a while, okay? i’m out of practice or whatever, and now i’m worried i’m gonna, like, disappoint you or something. and that grandma joke? yeah, that was supposed to kill the mood so i could avoid all of this.” you blinked at him, caught between laughter and disbelief. “are you serious right now?”
“painfully.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, his other hand still planted on your hip. “you’re amazing, and i just... i don’t want to mess this up.” for a moment, you just stared at him, and he could feel himself shrinking under your gaze. but then, the smile that spread across your face was nothing short of wicked. “oh, suguru,” you murmured, leaning down so your lips brushed against his ear. “you have no idea what’s coming, do you?” his breath hitched as your hand slid down to the buttons of his shirt, popping one open with a practiced ease that made his heart skip a beat. “w-what do you mean?”
“i mean,” you said, voice dropping to a low, sultry tone that sent shivers down his spine, “i’m about to make sure you never, ever doubt yourself again. you’re gonna be too busy thanking me to think about whether or not you’re ‘out of practice.’”
he swallowed hard, trying to think of a coherent response, but all that came out was a strangled, “uh — okay.”
“good,” you said simply, shifting your weight and sliding down his lap. and as he looked down at you, wide-eyed and completely at your mercy, one thing became crystal clear to suguru geto: he was absolutely, 100%, in over his head.
-
diva down? diva down. the diva in question being you. you, the self-proclaimed diva of the century, were currently on your knees, ready to turn suguru geto’s jittery, bashful energy into something far more relaxed—well, if relaxed meant completely wrecked. and honestly? you were thriving. “oh god,” geto let out a breathless laugh, raking a hand through his loose hair as he looked down at you, his cheeks pink and his eyes hazy with anticipation. “you don’t have to—”
“stop,” you cut him off with a teasing smirk, fingers already working on his belt with the precision of someone on a mission. “don’t ruin my moment, suguru.” he laughed again, that soft, breathless kind that made your stomach do flips. “right, wouldn’t dream of it.” as you slid his belt free and popped open the button of his slacks, you couldn’t help but notice how his chest rose and fell just a bit faster, the faintest hint of nerves lingering in his gaze. “you good up there?” you asked, giving him a little grin. “y-yeah,” he stammered, licking his lips. “just... uhh, taking it all in.”
“oh, you’re gonna be taking a lot more than that in a second,” you teased, tugging at his slacks. he groaned, tipping his head back against the couch as he laughed again, but he still lifted his hips eagerly to help you slide the fabric down. and holy shit. those slacks had been doing a lot of heavy lifting, and now, with them out of the way, you were faced with undeniable proof that suguru geto was not just hot, but also packing. “damn,” you muttered, your eyes widening just a bit as you took him in. “what?” he asked, his voice tinged with nervousness, but also curiosity. “nothing,” you said quickly, though your smirk betrayed you. “just... wow.”
“wow?” he echoed, his brows lifting.
“wow,” you confirmed, leaning in closer. “you’re full of surprises, huh?”
he chuckled softly, his hand coming down to rest gently on your cheek, his thumb brushing over your skin in a way that was almost too sweet for the situation. “i could say the same about you,” he murmured, his voice low and warm. “oh, suguru,” you said with a teasing lilt, your hands bracing against his thighs as you leaned in, letting your breath ghost over him. “you have no idea.” and as you finally got to work, suguru let out a sound that was half laugh, half moan, his head tipping back as his hand slid into your hair. yeah, it was definitely going to be a long night—for both of you. and honestly?
bless men raised by their mothers. or at least men who respect women beyond a surface level, because suguru geto? he was proving himself to be a certified sweetheart even with his brain turned to mush. "god, you're...you're so good at this," he babbled, voice pitched just enough to send a shiver down your spine. "like—ohhh, fuck—you’re perfect. seriously, i don’t know how—fuck—you’re even real."
you couldn’t help but smirk around him, though the sheer earnestness in his tone was making your head spin. suguru wasn’t just moaning—no, he was giving you a running commentary like his life depended on it. and honestly? the mix of his praise, his ridiculous vocabulary, and the raw honesty of his reactions were doing more for you than you cared to admit. "shiiit, babe," he groaned, his hand tightening in your hair as his hips shifted just slightly, like he was trying to hold himself back. "you’re incredible. so... so fucking—god, you’re beautiful." you hummed against him, letting the vibrations travel through him, and the broken moan he let out in response was almost enough to make you moan.“i—fuck,” he stammered, his free hand clenching and unclenching on the couch cushion as though he was trying to ground himself. “i can’t even—fuck, you’re amazing. you know that, right? like, amazing.”
it was ridiculous, really. this level of detailed, horny babbling shouldn’t be hot, and yet, suguru’s desperate, unfiltered honesty was doing a number on you. you’d kiss him if your mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied. “you’re gonna—oh fuck, you’re gonna ruin me,” he rasped, his words punctuated by a low, shaky laugh. “like, actually. no coming back from this. you’re—shit—so perfect, babe. i don’t even know how you’re real.” you glanced up at him briefly, catching the flush on his cheeks and the dazed, almost reverent look in his eyes. he looked wrecked already, and you weren’t even close to finished. yeah, men raised right were a blessing. and suguru geto? he was living proof.
suguru was going to cry. or die. or both. maybe at the same time. because when a simple, god-loving, god-fearing man like him thought of you—his girl, his love—his mind didn’t stop at the surface. no, it wandered far, far into the future. he dared to dream big: marriage, a nice house with you, gojo cat and mr. pickles running the place with their eventual brood of kittens, and maybe, if he let himself get really carried away, a kid or two of your own. but this? this was not in the script. not the way he imagined this happening, not this soon. was he complaining, though? no, not one bit. still, suguru couldn’t shake the way his brain was short-circuiting. what if you thought this was weird? not the moment itself—because, holy shit, this moment was unreal—but the way he couldn’t control the ridiculous rambling bubbling out of him.
“god, you’re... you’re gonna be the death of me,” he stammered, his voice breaking slightly as his hand tightened on the couch cushion beneath him. “seriously. i’m done for. you’ve—fuck—you’ve got me wrapped around your finger. literally, figuratively... h-hell, every way there is.” he let out a shaky laugh, his other hand brushing the edge of your jaw, his touch featherlight like he was afraid he’d break you—or worse, wake up and find out this was all a dream. “you have no idea, do you?” he murmured, his tone softening even as his breaths came uneven. “how much i—fuck, how much i love you.”
that admission was supposed to stay locked in his chest, hidden away alongside the future house and the diary full of thoughts he would probably never admit aloud. but there it was, laid bare in the open. his throat tightened as he watched for your reaction, his heart pounding in his chest like it was trying to break free. his mind raced with every possibility—what if you thought he was moving too fast? what if this ruined everything?
you were going to die. or cry. or both. maybe not in that order, but the emotional whiplash was real. because while you were—let's face it—giving the performance of your life, suguru geto had the audacity to play the wildest card in his hand: he told you he loved you. the words hit you like a sucker punch, making your brain screech to a halt. you paused, pulling him out of your mouth with a slick, obscene pop, a strand of spit still connecting the two of you as you gaped at him like he’d just told you the earth was flat. “wait, what?” your voice was hoarse, a little breathless, and full of disbelief. your hands remained steady on his thighs, but you weren’t about to let that slide. “say that again.”
suguru blinked at you, his flushed face half-covered by the messy curtain of his hair. and yet, somehow, he still looked every bit the breathtaking dork you fell for. “i... i said i love you,” he mumbled, his voice soft, but you could see the telltale signs of his nerves in the way his hands fidgeted at his sides. oh, you knew you won now. your lips curved into a sly, wicked grin, your heart pounding in your chest for reasons that had nothing to do with what you were doing moments ago. “good,” you said simply, your voice low and teasing, before brushing your thumb over his hip bone in a way that made him shiver. “because i love you too, suguru.” the way his eyes widened, his chest hitching in disbelief, was almost enough to undo you completely. but you weren’t done. oh no, not by a long shot.
you leaned in again, doubling down on your efforts with a newfound determination, your mouth warm and eager as you took him back in. this time, you didn’t hold back, letting him feel just how much you meant those words. the soft noises tumbling out of him turned into broken, desperate moans as you let him slide deeper, letting him bump against the back of your throat with a confidence that made his hips jerk. “holy—fucck, baby, ” he gasped, his voice trembling as his hands instinctively tangled in your hair. “you’re—oh my god—i can’t—”
and just like that, he was gone. the way his body tensed, his hand gripping the back of the couch like a lifeline, was all the warning you got before he tipped over the edge, his release hitting you with an intensity that left him trembling beneath you. you pulled back slightly, swallowing and smirking as he looked down at you with dazed, love-struck eyes, his chest heaving. “you okay there, lover boy?” you teased, wiping your lips with the back of your hand as you crawled up to straddle him. he groaned, dragging his hands over his flushed face, but even through his embarrassment, you could see the adoration shining in his gaze. “you’re going to be the death of me,” he muttered, but the small, lovesick smile on his lips said he wouldn’t have it any other way.
somewhere in the tangled chaos of his mind, suguru was thinking about reciprocity in customary international law—something about how states are expected to treat each other in kind. why this popped into his head as he helped you up from your knees, he had no idea. maybe his brain was short-circuiting from everything that had just transpired. or maybe it was just his nerdy coping mechanism for the sheer intensity of what was about to go down. either way, he shelved the thought because all he knew—clearly, distinctly, and beyond a shadow of a doubt—was that you needed help. erm, his girl needed help. and suguru geto? he was nothing if not a gentleman. “alright, up you go,” he said, his voice warm and teasing as he hooked an arm around you, effortlessly lifting you.
before you could even fully process what was happening, he threw you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing, carrying you to the bed. “oh my god, suguru!” you squealed, smacking his back, but there was no real heat behind it. " shh, this is for your benefit,” he said, laughing softly as he adjusted his grip. and with a surprising amount of precision for a man who had just been thoroughly flustered minutes earlier, he tossed you onto the bed. somehow, miraculously, you landed gracefully—no awkward angles or unflattering positions. before you could catch your breath, suguru was already yanking down your pajama shorts, his movements sure and deliberate. his hair, still a little messy from your earlier efforts, framed his face as he looked down at you, his dark eyes filled with a mix of affection and hunger. you smirked, propping yourself up on your elbows. “you know, if you’re really feeling sorry, there’s one thing you could do.” his brows raised, intrigued. “oh? what’s that?”
“sit down,” you said casually, leaning back against the pillows. “because i’m sitting on your face.” suguru froze for half a second, and you could swear you saw his soul leave his body. but then he let out a low, almost reverent laugh, his hands already sliding up your thighs as he knelt onto the bed. “you’re killing me,” he muttered, his lips curving into a grin that was equal parts adoring and wicked. “but if you insist…” and as he settled himself beneath you, looking up at you with pure devotion, he thought to himself—if he had a ring right now, he’d propose without a second thought.
sit on his face? seriously? where the hell did that confidence come from? because let’s be real—have you ever sat on someone’s face before? no? yeah, that’s what i thought. so it really serves you right for hovering over suguru’s face in the most awkward, hesitant way possible after you practically tore your underwear off like a woman on a mission. and suguru, bless his sweet, sweet soul, was waiting so patiently. expectantly, even. until he let out this deep chuckle—low and warm and way too sexy for your own good—and before you could spiral any further into overthinking, he reached up and yanked you down onto his face. oh. OH. there was no time to process, no moment to think, because suddenly the same mouth that usually went on and on about laws, treaties, and whatever international nonsense was now french kissing your cunt like it was his one true calling in life.
you moaned—loud and borderline pornographic—but could you really help it? suguru groaned against you, the vibrations shooting straight through you as his grip tightened on your thighs, holding you firmly in place like he had absolutely no plans of letting you escape. you tried. god, you tried to play it cool. tried to pull a geto on him with a little bit of horny babbling of your own, figuring he’d appreciate the effort. but every time you so much as opened your mouth to string a coherent sentence together, suguru would double down on his actions—his tongue flicking or curling in ways that had you seeing stars—and whatever you’d been planning to say vanished into the void, replaced by high-pitched whines and breathy moans.
“suguru—oh my god—”
he hummed in response, the sound smug and almost teasing as he looked up at you from between your legs, his dark eyes practically glowing with amusement and pride. “you talk too much,” he mumbled against you, the words muffled but clear enough to make your face heat up. and honestly? you’d be offended if he weren’t so goddamn good at what he was doing.
geto was putting in the work. the work. and you? you were trying not to cry or completely lose your mind, but if you did, you had a sneaking suspicion he’d love it more than anything. the man had a thing for drama—especially if it was drama he caused. but in the middle of all this face-sitting, tongue-lapping, thigh-gripping madness, you noticed something else.
geto was hard. painfully so. the sight of him below you was already sinful enough, but the way his erection strained against his boxers, twitching every time you moaned his name, was almost too much. his response time to recover was unreal—maddening, even—but considering it was you on top of him, you liked to think you deserved the credit. and since a wise saying says to love your neighbor as yourself, you decided to help a man out. literally. your hand snaked down between you two, wrapping around his length with a touch that had him freezing for a split second. “what are you—oh, fuck, ” geto choked out, the sound muffled against your thighs as you yanked down his boxers and started stroking him.
he let out a garbled groan and—you couldn’t make this up—spat. he outright spat onto your cunt, the hot slickness dripping between your folds, and you? you loved it. the move earned him a sharp gasp, followed by a breathless laugh as you sped up your hand, squeezing him just enough to draw out those pretty whines you loved so much. “oh my god, suguru,” you teased, voice shaky but teasing nonetheless. “did you just—?”
“shut up,” he grunted, his words nearly swallowed by a low moan as you swiped your thumb over his tip. “you’re the one—fuck—driving me insane right now.” and judging by the desperate way he buried his face against you, tongue moving feverishly as his hips bucked into your hand, you’d say he was enjoying this just as much as you were. but the real kicker? when you came, your body instinctively pressed down against his face, your thighs squeezing tight enough to almost cut off his air supply. geto didn’t complain. not once. if anything, the muffled groan against your cunt and the way he jerked against your hand as he came told you he’d gladly die like this if it came to it. but luckily for both of you, you lived to tell the tale.
once the both of you had managed to throw on some semblance of clothing, clean up, and collapse into the bed, that’s when reality hit geto like a brick wall. what. the. hell. just happened. as he laid there, his arm slung lazily around you, your soft breathing against his chest, his brain decided now was the perfect time to spiral. he glanced over at mr. pickles, who sat perched on the counter in the kitchenette, her tail flicking in judgment. the cat looked like she was debating calling the authorities on him for defiling her beloved owner. oh god. what does this make the two of you?
no, scratch that. the real panic set in when he remembered: he told you he loved you. not in some subtle, cute, roundabout way either. no, it was the full-blown, l-o-v-e type of confession. the kind he wrote about in his secret diary he kept under his bed. the kind that implied white picket fences, shared dreams, and a life together. and judging by the way you were pressed against him, one leg draped over his, your fingers tracing lazy circles on his bare chest (because yes, the formal shirt had been entirely ditched), you were either about to let him down easy or...
oh god.
“you okay?” your soft voice snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts, your hand pausing its movements as you tilted your head to look up at him. he cleared his throat, his cheeks flushing. “uh, yeah. yeah, totally fine.” you squinted at him, your lips twitching like you were trying not to laugh. “you sure? you’re looking a little... out of it.” well, there was no way out of this now. in all his dorkus glory, he blurted out the dreaded question:
“so, uh... what are we?”
the words hung in the air for a second, and geto wanted to melt into the mattress. but instead of laughing or teasing him, you smiled, your expression soft and fond. “what do you want us to be?”
“i mean...” he swallowed hard, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. “i said i loved you, so... maybe something serious?” you grinned, pressing a kiss to his chest. “good. because i’m not letting you go after that performance, lover boy.” and just like that, geto decided he could die happy. even if mr. pickles never forgave him.
chapter 6: the class you’ll never forget
geto woke up feeling like the main character in some rom-com where everything had finally fallen into place. the sun was shining directly on his face, his skin was clear, the tension that had been tying his muscles in knots for weeks was gone, and most importantly, there was you snuggled up next to him. your soft snores were music to his ears, and mr. pickles' contented purring from her nesting area completed the picture. everything was perfect. except for the yeowling.
it started faint, like the distant sound of a car alarm, and grew steadily louder. groaning, geto rubbed his face. “what the hell...?” he suddenly bolted upright, realization hitting him like a freight train. “oh no. oh no, no, no.” you groggily stirred beside him, blinking up at him in confusion. “what’s wrong?”
“gojo,” he groaned, flopping back against the pillows dramatically. “i left him alone in my apartment last night. he probably thinks i’m dead.” you blinked, then snorted. “that’s dramatic, even for a cat.”
but geto wasn’t joking. he’d seen gojo cat throw tantrums over him leaving for ten minutes to grab milk. this? this was abandonment on a grand scale in the eyes of the overly dramatic feline. as if on cue, the voice of your landlord, yaga, boomed from the other side of the door. “keep that cat quiet, or i’m calling animal control!” you gasped indignantly, sitting up. “excuse me! mr. pickles would never—”
“it’s not mr. pickles!” geto groaned, already throwing on his pants. “it’s my overly theatrical—”
just as he was about to open the door to go upstairs, a loud thud echoed from the direction of your fire escape. the two of you froze.
“what was that?” you whispered.
geto peeked out the window, his jaw dropping. “oh my god. no.”
there, perched precariously on the fire escape outside your window, was gojo cat. his tail swished furiously, and he was glaring through the glass like he had just tracked his runaway owner down on sheer willpower alone.
“he... jumped from my window to yours.”
“that’s, like, one story up!” you exclaimed.
“i know!”
gojo cat let out another ear-piercing yeowwww! that sounded suspiciously like he was cursing geto out in feline language. “okay, okay , i’m coming!” geto sighed, sliding the window open to let the cat in. gojo cat pranced inside with all the dignity of someone who had just won an olympic gold medal, ignoring you entirely as he hopped onto geto’s torso and began aggressively kneading his shoulder. “i’m sorry, okay?” geto muttered. “i didn’t mean to abandon you.” gojo cat meowed smugly, his forgiveness conditional.
“so... how mad would you be if i told you yaga still thinks this is mr. pickles’ fault?” you asked, biting your lip to hold back a laugh. geto groaned, flopping back onto the bed, gojo cat still perched on his chest. “this is my life now. cat dad, tenant offender, and boyfriend to the world’s most beautiful woman.” you grinned, kissing his cheek. “and don’t you forget it.”
gojo cat, ever the drama queen, was about to make a grand display of his wrath, his tail swishing like an emperor preparing to deliver a royal decree. but then, he saw her.
mr. pickles. lounging in her nesting area, belly round with her impending litter, she cast him the most witheringly judgmental side-eye known to catkind. it wasn’t even subtle. her disdain radiated like heat off asphalt, and for a moment, gojo cat’s indignant rage faltered. but then, like the suave rogue he believed himself to be, he straightened up, puffed out his chest, and strutted toward her with a confidence that could only be described as delusional. it was all tail flicks and exaggerated steps, as though the very floor beneath him had the privilege of bearing his paws.
and then—smack. the grand feline tumbled, face planting into the ground with all the grace of a wet noodle.
you tried to stifle your laugh, but the sound still slipped out. geto choked back a snort, muttering, “that’s my boy.” mr. pickles, however, did not laugh. no, the dignified queen merely let out a single approving chirp, a sound that might have translated to "pathetic, but amusing." gojo cat, undeterred by his embarrassing mishap, rose with renewed determination. and with the kind of courage that made you question if he had a screw loose, he approached mr. pickles once more, his intentions clear.
“no way,” you whispered.
“he wouldn’t,” geto added, equally mesmerized.
but he did. gojo cat, in what he undoubtedly believed was the ultimate gesture of love, began grooming mr. pickles. grooming her. and she let him.
for a moment, you thought she was going to swipe at him with all the fury of a hormonal mom-to-be. but no. she actually closed her eyes, her purring like a soft motor. it was... surreal.
“did we just witness the biggest romance of the century?” you asked, genuinely baffled. “bigger than us?” geto teased, pulling you closer. “way bigger,” you deadpanned.
as you both watched the unlikely duo share their moment, you couldn’t help but laugh. gojo cat was clearly putting his all into his attempt at love, and mr. pickles? well, she looked like she was actually enjoying it.
“ah, love,” geto sighed dramatically, resting his chin on your head. “even dumber than us,” you added, shaking your head in disbelief.
-
you were on cloud nine, feeling a level of peace and contentment that only came from having a hot law nerd boyfriend and a cat with enough sass to rival gojo cat himself. geto's bmw hummed quietly beneath you as the two of you cruised toward campus. it wasn’t just the morning coffee kicking in; it was the knowledge that if this man dared to be late—even by two minutes—mr. pickles would end him. like, not even metaphorically. she’d leap on him, claws out, and make him regret. because mr. pickles loved his hair. she loved kneading it, curling her paws into his long, luscious locks as if claiming her personal throne. and honestly? you got it. if you were a cat, you’d do the same. hell, even as a human, you’d do it (and did, regularly).
as he pulled into the parking lot, the goodbye routine began. “don’t forget to text me when your class ends,” he said, already pulling you into a warm hug. “don’t forget to pick me up, or we’re breaking up,” you countered sweetly, earning a laugh from him. “you’re scary, you know that?” he teased, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “and you’re my very gorgeous, very whipped boyfriend,” you shot back, leaning up for a kiss. he wouldn’t dream of ghosting you—not when you were this beautiful, amazing, kind, and, obviously, a little unhinged. as he opened your door and helped you out like the true gentleman he was, he insisted on walking you all the way to the front entrance. his hand rested at the small of your back, a gesture that had you swooning even as you teased him.
“you do know you’re going to be late, right?”
“worth it,” he replied with a grin, bending down to kiss your cheek. but just as you were about to part ways, a booming voice shattered the moment.
“GETO! LAW STUDENTS BUILDING! NOW!”
you both turned to see a very exasperated professor waving frantically at him from across the quad. you couldn’t help but laugh as geto sighed, muttering under his breath about how “love is a battlefield.” he gave you one last kiss, muttered a promise to pick you up later (or else), and jogged off. you watched him go, smiling like an idiot as you whispered, “ah, love.”
the day started fine. better than fine, actually—you left geto’s bmw with a kiss and the knowledge that your cat, mr. pickles, was safe and sound in her nesting area, glaring at gojo cat with the fury only a pregnant feline could muster. but halfway through your lecture on post-modern feminist theories (a riveting topic, truly), your phone buzzed. it wasn’t a normal notification. no, it was the cctv feed suguru had installed as a “gift” to keep an eye on your “queen” (read: your absolute dictator cat). and there she was—mr. pickles—kneading her nesting area with an urgency that sent a chill down your spine.
“oh. oh no. oh dear god.” you whispered, staring at the screen as she let out a war cry that could only mean one thing: grandmahood was happening. you shot up from your seat so fast your desk screeched against the floor. “is everything okay?” your professor asked, startled by your abrupt movement.
“uh, yeah! just — cat emergency! she’s — uh — giving birth!” you stammered, already halfway out the door.
“congratulations?” someone in the back called out, earning a round of laughter you had no time for.
you sprinted through campus like a woman possessed, your backpack bouncing behind you as you cursed yourself for not realizing mr. pickles’ morning mood wasn’t jealousy but labor. and then—because fate had to test you—geto appeared, casually strolling toward the law building with his usual unbothered grace. “babe?” he called out, watching you bolt past him like you were auditioning for the olympics. “no time to explain!” you yelled over your shoulder. he frowned, putting two and two together because, let’s face it, the man’s a genius. “is it mr. pickles?!”
“YES!”
and then he started running behind you.
“suguru!” you wheezed, already out of breath. “GET YOUR CAR!”
“why?” he shouted, effortlessly keeping pace with you.
“because we’re running across a campus that’s like thousand acres and I WILL DIE!”
he paused, muttering something about how you were so dramatic, before pivoting on his heel and sprinting toward the parking lot.
you barely made it to the main road before suguru’s bmw skidded to a stop beside you.
“get in!” he barked, throwing the passenger door open.
“i swear to god, if she starts delivering while we’re stuck in traffic —”
“she’s not gonna start without you,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“cats don’t work like that, suguru!”
“well, neither do women, but here we are,” he shot back, pulling into the driveway of your building.
you bolted out of the car, taking the stairs two at a time while suguru trailed behind with all the urgency of a man who knows he’ll be the one cleaning up whatever mess awaited. when you burst into the apartment, mr. pickles was mid-contraction, glaring at you like, finally, my useless human has arrived. gojo cat, meanwhile, looked terrified, hovering at a safe distance as if he was considering calling 911. “okay, okay, we’re here!” you panted, dropping to your knees beside mr. pickles. suguru followed, looking at the scene with wide eyes. “do...do we call a vet?”
“no! she’s got this. we just have to support her!”
“support her how?”
“i don’t know! emotional support?”
“she’s a cat!”
mr. pickles let out a low growl, silencing suguru’s protests. “okay, okay, i’ll shut up,” he muttered, backing away slightly. the door creaked open, and there stood shoko, still in her scrubs and sporting the exhausted yet curious expression of someone returning from a night shift only to walk straight into chaos. “what’s going on here?” she asked, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. you barely spared her a glance as you clutched suguru’s arm. “mr. pickles is in labor. it’s a whole thing. prayers are appreciated.”
“prayers?” she scoffed, stepping closer. “i’m a doctor. i got this.”
relief washed over you. “thank god, shoko! we could use an actual professional!”
but the moment she peeked over the edge of mr. pickles’ nesting area and caught sight of a tiny kitten halfway out, her calm demeanor shattered.
“OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?!”
“what do you think it is?” suguru deadpanned, visibly unimpressed. “i don’t know! i didn’t sign up for this!” shoko shrieked, stumbling backward and holding her hands up as if warding off an unholy demon.
you blinked at her, utterly dumbfounded. “aren’t you a doctor?”
“a human doctor! this is nature gone rogue! ”
mr. pickles, clearly unamused by shoko’s dramatics, let out a low, guttural growl that sent the so-called professional scurrying back to the doorway. “you’re on your own,” shoko muttered, lighting a cigarette like the events unfolding in your living room weren’t directly her problem. meanwhile, gojo cat, always the overachiever, decided he needed to help. unfortunately, his idea of help involved attempting to paw at the nearest kitten. “don’t even think about it!” suguru warned, his voice laced with exasperation.
but it was too late—mr. pickles, mid-contraction, turned her fiery gaze on gojo cat, who froze like a deer in headlights. one wrong flick of his tail, and mr. pickles let out a feral hiss that could have sent shoko back to med school. gojo cat, realizing he had crossed the line, slinked back to the corner, tail tucked between his legs, his usual swagger replaced with what could only be described as embarrassed defeat. “well, that’s one way to keep him in line,” you muttered.
“this is insane,” shoko said, still watching from the doorway. “how do you people live like this?”
“we manage,” suguru replied, his tone completely void of humor as he massaged his temples.
the next hour was a whirlwind of cat screams, your whispered words of encouragement, and suguru pacing like an expectant father in a sitcom. “should we name one after me?” he asked at one point, earning a glare from both you and mr. pickles as she finally let out one final push, and another tiny kitten entered the world. you let out a relieved sigh, and suguru finally cracked a smile. he was crouched beside you, holding your hand as if you were the one giving birth. “you did amazing,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple.
“she did amazing,” you corrected, motioning to mr. pickles.
“team effort,” he replied with a grin.
and as mr. pickles began cleaning her newest babies, shoko muttered from the door, “you’re all insane. call me when it’s over.”
“you’re the godmother, shoko!” you called after her, earning a muffled string of curses as she disappeared down the hall.
“we’re gonna need so much cat food,” he muttered, pulling you close.
ah, the miracle of life.
-
a few weeks had passed since d-day—delivery day, or as suguru had renamed it, “domestic chaos day.” the kittens were growing faster than you thought possible, transforming your once peaceful apartment into a battlefield. mr. pickles ruled the roost with an iron paw, while gojo cat’s ego took a daily beating as the kittens bested him at every turn. every time one managed to leap higher, run faster, or swipe his tail just right, his tail would puff up in indignation like a furry balloon. you’d managed to rehome a few of the kittens, starting with shoko.
her kitten—affectionately dubbed “roach” for her uncanny ability to survive despite zero effort—was the perfect match. low-maintenance, unfazed, and perpetually napping. shoko had initially protested, but now you’d catch her sending you pictures of roach curled up in her sink or casually perched on her liquor cabinet.
then there was yuuji. poor, sweet, persistent yuuji. he’d campaigned harder for a kitten than some politicians do for office. the boy went through hoops — begging you, suguru, choso, sukuna, and even mr. pickles. you weren’t sure how he’d pulled it off, but eventually, he was deemed worthy of a black-and-white troublemaker he promptly named “gumi.” the kitten adored yuuji and spent most of his time riding on his shoulders like a parrot, though you suspected yuuji let him get away with far too much.
sukuna, on the other hand, had reluctantly taken the runt of the litter after it refused to leave him alone. “don’t need some damn cat,” he’d grumbled the entire way home. now? the tiny kitten followed him everywhere, even sneaking into his apron pockets after he came back from work. he pretended to hate it, but the soft grumbles about “stupid runt” were always followed by careful, protective pats on the kitten’s tiny head.
but the biggest surprise of all came when suguru decided to make your relationship public—on linkedin. linkedin, of all places.
it had started as a joke. you’d teased him about not “properly asking you out” after all this time, and before you knew it, he’d crafted a three-paragraph-long post about you. “in a comitted relationship with the love of my life, and no, this isn’t a humble brag — it’s a masterpiece,” he’d typed with the fervor of a man defending his dissertation. the post included references to romantic literature, quotes from classic movies, and, somehow, a detailed analysis of how mr. pickles and gojo cat played pivotal roles in your story.
you’d wanted to die of second-hand embarrassment, but the post blew up. colleagues, professors, and even strangers commented, congratulating the two of you. “you’re insane,” you’d told him, hiding your face in his chest as he laughed. “insane about you,” he replied, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
life wasn’t perfect — it was loud, chaotic, and occasionally overwhelming. but with mr. pickles, gojo cat, and your ridiculous yet lovable boyfriend, it was better than you ever imagined.
feline parenthood? best decision ever.
#works ★#jjk x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru x reader#suguru x reader#suguru x you#suguru x y/n#geto x y/n#geto x you#suguru geto x reader#geto x reader#geto suguru x y/n#suguru geto x you#suguru geto x y/n#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk crack#jujutsu kaisen crack
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a heathen clung to piety (a priest!gojo x reader fic)

series masterlist
summary: everything about satoru gojo is pristine. from his charming looks, to his unblemished family name and his exemplary priesthood. because of that, attraction is nothing more than fuel for what you assume is a one-sided fantasy, a carefully kept secret you are content to keep deep within. but when you end up in his bed, the vows he broke end up cracking the surface of his immaculate facade and bringing forward the painful memories and the cruel truth of a tragedy all too familiar.
or, you find out the angel named Satoru Gojo may have fallen a long time ago, and that you might end up falling with him too.
chapter summary: with satoru’s return, a new arrival at the city and winter prevailing, you are forced to confront all you have been trying to run away from.
word count: 10k
Hello there! ฅ≽(•⩊ •マ≼Thank you for your interest in reading! This was in my drafts for some time and in my mind for considerably longer. I have thought about Gojo a lot. And Priest Satoru Gojo spawned after playing with his canon counterpart like a Barbie, witnessing the talent of fandom creators and exploring a bit of my catholic memories. Let it be known that, funny enough, I have never experienced attraction towards a real-life priest and I don't think that day will come. Nonetheless, there's something about Gojo that has made his lil priest self my favorite plaything and that´s why I promised myself that, if I ever posted a fic again, I wanted him to do the honors. Excited to say that the day has finally come.I won't say much more here other than be mindful of the tags here, I will be updating them accordingly and letting you know if there is any specific thing you should keep an eye out for in the upcoming chapters.English is not my first language and I'm more than a bit rusty so it's a bit nerve-wrecking to put this out there /ᐠ ╥ ˕ ╥マ. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it ♡ (Might edit this chapter a bit in the near future)I'm new to tumblr so I apologize if the formatting looks a bit wonky, I´m still working on it, this is a reupload so if you have seen this before, yeah it was me :p
You don’t like winter.
It brings cold and sickness and painful memories with it. For you, the best part of it are the droplets of melting ice announcing its imminent departure and the first sightings of green peeking through the remnants of snow. Trees are still skinny and mostly naked, branches trembling at the wind, bending under the weight of the last snowfall but, between the leisure movement of a heavy cloud and the other, the sun has started to reach out with its lukewarm rays.
As you stand on the platform, you claim the only spot touched by the sun, though it does little to alleviate the stubborn reminder of a winter you would chase away if you could. The wind remains almost freezing cold, it makes you shiver and shut your eyes tight every time it slaps you in the face, every hit of air chafing your skin.
You mourn the scarf you left hanging at the rack back home. You were already two streets away when you realized you had forgotten it and you were quick to dismiss it in favor of catching the train on time.
Now you are here, with no scarf, a freezing frame and a train running late, because, of course, only Satoru Gojo would manage to be late even by train.
In fact, if a person could be blamed for making a train run late, it would probably be Gojo, somehow. Last time you took a train together, a few months back, you almost missed it because of him. He doesn’t have anyone to nag at him this time, so you can only hope he boarded on time, like he always seems to barely do.
This town needs an actual train station, you think, as you nuzzle further into your winter coat. There’s a little lobby next to the platform that is “closed for remodeling” because the administration had to choose the worst time of the year to modernize the cozy little lounge. The platform you are currently shivering on was renewed by the Gojo Family almost two years ago, upon the arrival of their heir. The outline and build of the little ticket booth attached to the side of the station is reminiscent of the village props you saw at The Nutcracker the winter before. It’s too fancy for such a little spot outside of a small town like yours, too opulent for a place that’s not used as much anymore, but it’s a nice view you appreciate. However, all the cutesy and intricate carving does next to nothing to shield you from the cold. You heard the Mayor refused the Gojos’ offer to donate a proper train station and you can’t help but resent him too. After all, his pride is costing you your body temperature.
You nuzzle further into your clothes, pressing yourself against the column at another hit of wind. When you first arrived, the nice lady at the booth had offered you a place inside while you waited, but the space was already cramped enough with just one person in it, so you had to politely decline. It might have been a good decision considering she is currently nursing a cigar and likely emitting more fumes than the train you are waiting for. Right now, you can barely see her silhouette through the window with all the smoke condensed into the little booth. You have the itch to tap on the glass to see if she hasn’t passed out. Maybe if she is still conscious you can walk back your decision and ask for a little place in there with only your nice perfume and healthy lungs to pay the price.
As you take a hesitant step towards the impromptu smokehouse, your attention is caught by a distant whistle, the telltale sound of a locomotive approaching. You perk up, waddling further into the platform to take a look as the sound of the machine gets louder. Indeed, the outline of the wine red train greets you between smog and frosty wind and you sigh, retreating once more to your waiting place.
“About time,” you huff.
Satoru left two weeks ago for a series of meetings with some higher ups from the Church. He called you every other day, mostly to nag or entertain himself.
You don’t ask too much about what goes in there nor does he go into detail, he only ever talks about them to complain. Sometimes you think he has caught on to how much you truly dislike most of them and you are the only person he can sincerely unload his grievances with.
As expected, only Satoru is getting off in this station. Your eyes meet through the window as he stands in the door waiting for it to open. His eyes widen for a second but crinkle immediately after as he smiles, all perfect teeth, mouthing something you can’t quite understand. You wave at him with a smile, cheeks feeling suddenly warm despite the cold.
You point at your wrist while you lift a brow but it’s hard to keep the stern expression when the uncomfortable fluttering in your stomach makes you nauseous.
You step back as the doors open and stand there, changing your weight from one foot to the other as he gets off, sturdy suitcase in hand. He doesn’t even take two steps into the platform before he leaves his luggage on the floor, gaze fixed on you. Someone that appears to be a young train worker, judging by the uniform, is trailing behind him with a bunch of boxes that Satoru ends up maneuvering in one hand after he places the suitcase on the floor.
Before the young boy can say something else, Satoru shoves one of the little boxes in his hands with a loud thank you. The boy blinks and bows his head awkwardly, a low expression of confused gratefulness escaping his lips as he retreats. You lift a brow at the display, your own confusion tampering with your smile but Satoru, as always, just returns it wholeheartedly, balancing the boxes on top of his luggage.
“I asked if you missed me,” he says in lieu of a greeting as he straightens up, bright blue eyes regarding you from above.
The color in his gaze somewhat softens thanks to all the white and the gray around. That’s probably how the blue of the seas in the frozen lands far away look like. He is all pale colors, a striking contrast to his black jacket and dark blue scarf and his pink lips. He rarely flushes, but there’s a pleasant blush in his chiseled cheeks from the warmth that hasn’t died down under the harsh wind. He speaks again. And you see the way his lips curl. They look soft and plump as they dance and mold to the words that your cottoned ears can’t quite catch: “…missed”
“I asked if you missed me”
“Huh?” is your elaborate reply.
Satoru’s grin evolves into a chuckle. It’s a pleasant sound that you indeed have missed . Other days, when he directs that sound towards you, you find the sound irritating enough to pretend it doesn’t cave a pit in your stomach. Not today.
Today he extends his arms, his wide form taking up the space with his broad back and his long limbs. You don’t think twice before sinking into him. You have missed him too much for your own good, you resolve, as he squeezes you so tight it steals a breathless huff of a laugh from you.
“Get off…”
Satoru chuckles too, a rumbling sound vibrating against your smothered cheek. His hands don’t go lower than your back, but the feeling of his fingers pressed against you through your clothes projects all over your body.
“Not before you answer,” he adds, against your temple.
“What?”
“If you miss me”
You gulp. It’s only the two of you between the cold and the fog on the platform. “I didn’t hear you say that at all.”
“But I did,” he retorts, leaning back just enough so your eyes meet, “And you still haven’t answered.”
He smells like warmth and caramel. He probably ate sweets onboard and the smell of it swirls along his fresh cologne. Not unpleasant, but sure overwhelming when it’s paired with those intense eyes looking at you.
“So?”
“I didn’t,” you answer. Way too quickly, way before your heart and your brain realize you are lying and make you stutter as punishment.
Satoru smiles lazily, letting you go with a languid movement that has his fingertips sliding off your waist. He tugs at one of the strands of hair hanging at the side of your face instead.
“That’s a shame,” he laments, sighing, puncturing each word with a twirl of his fingers, the start of a shit-eating grin on his lips. “Because I did”
“It’s been two weeks,” you huff, gently pushing his hand away in a lighthearted gesture. You don’t mind his touch at all. Or, you didn't mind it. You are now bothered by the appalling urges born in your core and traveling to your every limp.
“And? That’s more than enough to me,” he switches the grip of his hand to grasp at yours and give it a squeeze. “Believe it or not, I prefer your pretty face over the nagging of our dear church authorities”
“I’m touched,” you deadpan, a little smile tugging at the corner of your lips despite yourself.
Satoru hums. “I am too, considering I wasn’t expecting a welcome back committee”
Your lips part, brows furrowing. “Didn’t you say you wanted me to come!?”
“That was before I realized our lovely weather could turn you into an icicle,” he says, eyes scanning you intently. He takes a few steps forward and places both his hands in your cheeks. You feel yourself stiff. “Although the flush of your face is rather pleasant to look at, there’s no reason for you to stand here and freeze for little ole’ me”
Your frozen hands try to peel away his wrists on instinct. Satoru is touchy, probably more touchy than a priest should be, but he is also more nonchalant than the average gentleman is so you can’t say you aren’t used to it.
It’s the mortifying somersault your stomach does and the warmth that bleeds from your chest to your lower belly like molten what you are not used to. He is not even touching you directly, the fabric of his gloves is less soft than his hands, but it’s warm and kind in comparison to the wind. Nonetheless, the sole implication of him touching you so casually is enough to make you short of breath.
For a few seconds that stretch incredibly long, Satoru rubs your cheeks intently, as if trying to coax the warmth of your blood to bleed into your skin. There’s something in his eyes as a slow, cheeky curve takes place on his lips. You forget the flustered feeling for a moment, but your body stays locked on it, a prickling sensation climbing up your neck as you frown up at him, tugging at his wrists.
“Father?”
Satoru’s well trained to react the exact opposite way to your flustered, hurried flurry. As you jump, he waltzes back in calculated steps, casually sliding his hands down to your shoulders, squeezing them only slightly before taking his hands off you for good. By the time his hands are by his sides, yours are still fidgeting about, tugging at your winter coat.
You turn your face towards the familiar voice and force down the lingering feeling of self-consciousness, sketching a smile that lacks the blinding brightness of the dishonest one Satoru offers to the clueless newcomer.
“Ah, Ijichi, you are finally here!” he announces, eyes crinkling. The cherry on top is, of course, the thunderous clap that accompanies his words. “I started to think you had forgotten about me”
You have known him for almost two years, so you can catch it. The way his smile curves and hardens before it stretches all the way. He seems slightly bothered about something you can only theorize about.
“N-not at all!” Kyotaka bows his head, face a bit flushed because of the cold or because his eyes are also trained in Satoru’s micro-expressions. “Welcome back, Father”
You think you have imagined it, though, because Satoru’s expression is back to his relaxed, jovial façade. Or maybe it never really changed. You try not to stare too long or think about his face too hard lately.
“C’mon Ijichi!” he protests, “I’m not wearing the habit right now! We can be a bit flexible”
Ijichi is not deterred, sharing a look with you as a resigned, little smile grazes his lips. He is one of the very few people that has fallen victim to Satoru’s overly familiarity and, just like most, he is not playing along. That always makes you consider if you should also be more mindful of the difference in your positions, but Satoru’s arm casually slinging around your shoulders chases any further reflection away.
Ijichi is abruptly intercepted by one of Satoru’s arms as well when he steps closer to retrieve some of the boxes laying over Gojo’s luggage and you can see the way his shoulders fall in a reluctant acceptance. His glasses are crooked now by the unexpected motion but he makes no effort in shrugging Gojo as the latter pats his back energetically. You share a look once more.
“I-ji-chi! Guess who was freezing on this platform, waiting for me?” Satoru asks, squeezing his hold on you as he rhythmically pats Ijichi’s frame. “Certainly not you!”
At that, Ijichi’s resigned face tenses back to his default expression, a mix of mortification and surprise in his widened eyes.
“I a-apologize, I wasn’t aware you were coming here as well! I would have offered you a lift!”
“Oh, see? You are so formal with me but you call her by her name!”
You both ignore Satoru as you shrug his arm off your shoulders, offering Ijichi an appeasing smile, lifting a hand in a dismissive gesture.
“Don’t worry about it, I didn’t know you were picking him up either,” you reply earnestly, brushing your hair out of your face as you start to walk, “I think it’s his fault”
As Kyotaka takes the boxes Satoru brought with him, he regards you with a look that seems suspiciously close to a silent agreement. Once again, both of you ignore Gojo’s whines, moving along the platform until he desists on his protests and easily falls into step with you, suitcase in tow.
“I’m glad Ijichi and you have found friendship, but I don’t appreciate you bonding over disregarding me” is what he says, with a suffering sigh that evolves into a little smile when you eye him up.
“I’m sure making everything about you is a sin” you comment lightheartedly and Satoru rolls his eyes. “For your information, Kyotaka and I have been friends for a while and agreeing on your obnoxiousness is not the reason our friendship begun”
“But your blatant animosity is what makes it thrive,” Satoru points out, with an accusing finger. “It’s the same thing with Sister Uta–”
“Is your nagging my reward for picking you up at the train station?” you inquire. “I should have stayed warm and cozy at home”
“You waited for me. If we want to get technical, my dear sister, Ijichi is the one picking me up.”
He watches the beginning of an indignant protest in your face, to which he walks back his teasing statement and raises a calming hand. “Both of which I deeply appreciate,” he adds, and there’s a softness in his honest smile that mellows you down enough, until he pokes at you once more. “A good Christian doesn’t expect anything in return for a good deed, anyway” he chirps. “God shall provide”
“Good thing I’m not a Christian then,” you retort and Satoru huffs a laugh, shutting it too quickly in favor of shaking his head in disapproval. “So you shall provide”
“I’m not but God’s humble messenger,” Satoru bows his head, eyes glinting as he regards you “So consider the souvenir I brought God’s way of acknowledging your selfless act”
He is serious, but there’s an amused tilt to his gentle smile that warms and softens you up enough to forget about the banter and grin earnestly.
After a silent look that lingers enough for the prickling feeling in your face to make a comeback, you simply turn your face to the front. By your peripheral vision, you notice Satoru’s gaze linger just a few seconds more before he follows your lead. You both keep walking side by side, arms brushing at every swing. Your throat closes up and you focus on ahead.
Ijichi is a fast-walker by nature, you have learned, and you saw him hurry his step as Satoru reached your side with long strides a few moments ago. If Satoru wanted, he could outpace you and Ijichi with ease, but he has decided to linger beside you and you soon realize there’s a reason beyond any friendly banter or the announcement of any souvenir.
You step over a branch peeking through the melting snow on the ground and that’s when he speaks.
“The snow is finally melting” he whispers, “I’m relieved”
There’s a sympathetic inflexion on his voice that’s not lost to you. The same off-handed tone present on his words these last two weeks through calls and letters. You lean against him almost on instinct, shoulder surprisingly at ease as it bumps against his arm. “Me too”
On a personal level, being friends with Satoru means a lot of things and has plenty of implications you don’t want to get at most of the time. You were both relieved and saddened by his absence during the last snow storms of this winter which tells you enough about the dichotomy that persists in your relationship. It’s easier to dwell on it during this season, which is why you occupy yourself like a maniac during it, which is why you cling to any semblance of sun or warmth amidst the cold.
The car ride is silent enough, the soft sound of the wheels scraping against the road lulling you as you lean against the window, eyes chasing any rays peeking through the clouds, even if you have to narrow your eyes at the unexpected force of a sun recovering its strength.
“Hey,” Satoru’s voice is soft, a callback to the time and space you are in right now, tugging you away from cruel memories.
He offers you his hand, without a glove. Long and pretty and pale. Warm as you press your hand over it. “The other one too”
That’s when you notice he took both his gloves off and, as he envelops your hands with his, your thoughts linger on how warm and soft and soothing his skin is.
When he rubs his palms over your cold, trembling fingers, he triggers a scorching heat in your hands and your arms and your whole being. “Your hands are freezing,” he says, none the wiser to your melting insides. “I noticed earlier, you weren’t wearing gloves, or a scarf”
There’s more than a hint of disapproval in his tone. For real this time. Not like the one he uses to half-heartedly scold your thinly-veiled anti-church sentiments.
“I-I forgot”
Does he know your mouth feels dry and cottoned? Can he notice the way your breath catches in his throat at his proximity, or the way your heart skips at every motion of his thumbs over the back of your hands?
“You shouldn’t have walked there with this weather” Satoru whispers, and there’s something in his eyes that goes beyond the earnest care you have grown acquainted with. “You are not even properly clothed for it,” he hums, there’s a bit of the teasing back that gets lost on the deep look in his eyes.
You don’t even know what to make of it.
It’s like that one time, over a year ago.
Just like his voice grabbed you away from the claws of the cruel, painful past, his eyes push you back into that void, except in a kinder, warmer part of it.
The train ride to the next city and the memory of the gorgeous display on stage.
It’s a nice memory.
Nevermind the mortifying discoveries about yourself that trip uncovered.
Absolutely not. Because it is the beautiful memory of your first ever trip to a professional ballet production, a long-time dream, the one guilty of the fluttering sensation in your stomach.
Not the memory of the seating booth in the train back home feeling strangely suffocating, or his hands over your skin, trying to cool away a fever you couldn’t get rid of. A fever and itch that has been chasing you ever since you sat way too close in the same room, the same bed.
That’s not it.
It’s the pretty parts, the softer parts you should focus on because it is a nice memory, one that is not tainted by the origins of the crude ruminations that keep you awake at night to this day. Not at all.
“I wanted to,” you say with a shrug. “To go there, I mean.”
To wait for you. To see you again.
Satoru hums, blowing hot air into your fingertips. Your whole being rattles.
“You should have waited for me at the church, then” he whispers. His lips are inches away from your hands, you almost want to stretch your fingers, just to try–
“I don’t like to go there when it’s empty,” you respond, voice steadier than your beating heart.
“It’s never empty,” he replies, thumbs massaging up to your fingertips, squeezing them for barely a second. “It’s the house of God, he is always there”
He isn’t. And you aren’t either. What’s the point? But you don’t say that, you don’t say anything more. You almost feel like you don’t need to, because Satoru smiles at you then, and it’s almost sad.
You feel you might be privy to what most people in town are not. Your friendship with Satoru didn’t blossom out of shared faith or thrived because of your trust in him as a recipient of God. Quite the contrary. It was born despite your reservations and your disagreements. As such, you are allowed to see beyond the charming, quick-witted, perfect priest image he projects for all believers to see. For you, he is equally if not more charming and wiser when he is “just Satoru” but you won’t ever tell him that out loud.
Instead, you let your shared secrets and time together speak for you. He knows a lot about you. You know a lot about him. Or so you think.
Satoru has always given you the impression of false openness. He makes people, you included, feel as if he is sharing a lot, but most of the time, it’s just superficial lore or inconsequential sentiments.
You don't usually pressure him to share anything beyond what he usually does, but there’s a trust that has been nurtured during your time together that has given you both a space to share what you both know is no common knowledge. He doesn’t need to tell you “I have never told this to anyone” but you have learned to recognize when it’s the case. You know when it’s something he wouldn’t share with the world.
It is often, though, that you get the impression that these secret things have been shared before with someone else out there. There’s something about his speech, the careful distant expression on his face that betrays a sense of dejavu or melancholy that disappears as soon as it appears, between a blink and another. He has travelled the world and he has confessed his sins often. It could be any person out there, a priest or God himself.
Who knows? You don’t push. You never do. After all, there is a whole story you haven’t shared with him. And you don’t think you will soon. He has the right to have his secrets too, and despite the big chunk of your life that remains hidden close to your chest, you bet he has way more secrets than you do.
You wear your heart in your sleeve, he doesn’t. You could be fooled by his easy smile and his running mouth, though, like everyone else.
And you are.
It seems rather meaningless, but in retrospect, this little thing that Satoru willingly withholds from you unravels the whole mess and tells you more about all the things he doesn’t tell you.
At some point, it becomes public knowledge that a newly ordained priest will come to your little town. The people are concerned their angel darling of a Father is being moved away. But it doesn’t seem to be the case, as one particular Sunday, Satoru addresses the whispers and concerns from the altar with good humor.
That’s how you find out, like everyone else.
Kento Nanami, a priest from the same college as Satoru, will become part of the little community.
When you question Satoru about it later, ignoring his who-know-what attempt at explaining checkers to you, he sighs, shoulders falling. It is so different from the usual flair he would answer you with, he seems almost defeated for a second, the flames of the chimney of his office flickering all over his face, raising his high cheekbones further.
“We used to be together in the seminary,” he finally says.
Satoru doesn’t talk much about the seminary. It’s one of the things he pretends he enjoys being open about except all he has ever told you has to do with the multiple headaches he induced on everyone around him.
“But,” you say, leaning forward in your seat. You try to ignore the way Satoru’s foot brushes against yours as he shifts and stretches his legs under the table. “The people say he is newly ordained”
“Ah, our lovely town is as adept in gossiping as it is in their daily praying,” Satoru comments, propping his chin over his hand with a lazy tilt of the head, a shaper one on his lips . “He is.”
You don’t need to do the math for that one. It doesn’t add up.
“But if he was with you–”
“He left,” Gojo cuts you off with a bit of a bored, resigned expression. “Then he came back.”
He is not even hiding his unwillingness to share any details. The tense smile is the same he uses when he wants to cut a conversation short. It’s the first time he has used it with you.
And it’s the first time you decide to press, as well.
“Why did he leave?”
Satoru takes a few seconds to respond, eyes focusing on the dancing flames in the chimney, gaze concerningly distant. For a moment, you think he might tell you it’s none of your business. Strictly speaking, he would be right.
“Some people aren’t made for it,” he whispers, in the most monotone voice you have ever heard from him. It brings a chill down your spine, suddenly feeling an infinite wall rise between you. You feel you might reach out to touch him and you won’t be able to snatch him away from whatever place he is sinking into now.
But, as it always happens, the wall crumbles as soon as it builds. And Satoru, seemingly sensing your unease, seems to snap out of whatever haze the flames have induced on him.
He smiles, again, eyes flickering towards you.
“But don’t worry,” he says, even if you are less worried about priest Nanami’s abilities than you are about the all-seeing eyes that look right through you. “Nanamin is. That’s why he came back.”
Kento Nanami sure seems like the kind of guy made to be a priest. He is sober, proper, humble. Kind and polite at the welcoming party your good-spirited town throws for him. He seems genuinely taken aback by the warm reception, but earnest in his shy appreciation. You study every interaction from afar, just like you did back when Satoru first came to town.
Satoru had been charming, talkative, and full of initiative in every interaction. He had had the hard task of living up to the expectation the priest before him, a beloved local, had risen in forty years of service. Satoru was young. Maybe a bit too young, people had first observed with wariness. But it was that, along with his good-natured humor, his refreshing speech and his impeccable looks, that ended up making him the darling of the town in no time.
Nanami’s regal presence is impeccable as well, in a different way. There’s nothing out of place, not a hair, not a button, not even a blink, as if everything is carefully crafted with little to no effort. And while he doesn’t seem to have the social energy Satoru has delighted everyone with these past years, he appeals to the community all the same with that mix of youth and firmness reminiscent of a soldier. He looks older than Satoru. There’s something in their interactions that suggests something you can’t quite put your finger on. Satoru is cheery, as always. Friendly and familiar with his arm thrown over the other priest’s shoulders, with his animated voice raising over the bustle of the party but something in Nanami’s shoulders remains tense in a way they weren’t in any other interaction.
It’s so weird once you see it.
It could be simple shyness at Satoru’s familiarity, but he doesn’t seem shy or flustered. You don’t even know if, judging by his stern expression, he is even capable of it.
It’s seems there’s a world they are part of you are not privy to. That’s probably the case. Priesthood and seminary life it’s not something you ever can or want to fully comprehend.
But, despite whatever weird energy surrounding them, they make for a nice picture, standing side by side, overlooking the party and the towners from the first landing of the stairs leading up to the church. The single photographer from the local paper thinks the exact same, snapping a shot with little warning. It captures Satoru leaning towards Nanami, a smile frozen midway as the flash explodes in their faces.
Nanami is tall, but looking at them like this, you can truly put into perspective how tall Satoru truly is, his shoulder some inches above the other man’s.
No matter, you have to lean your head back to look at the two of them properly.
Kento or “Nanamin” is polite enough to stay quiet through Satoru’s enthusiastic introduction but it’s soon clear to you that he is barely tolerating the other’s incessant, loud chatter right into his ear. He still smiles, bows his head at you, as he introduces himself as if Satoru hadn’t done it for him over three times already. There’s a distant echo in your head that bothers you and there’s a weird feeling in your chest as you catch Nanami’s eyes looking at you as if he is trying to decipher a puzzle himself.
“Sorry if I overstep but, have we met?” he finally asks.
Satoru finally pauses beside you, only then paying attention to the fact that Nanami is not listening to his vibrant spiel, but he doesn’t seem baffled, face dropping to a rather curious, questioning glance more for Nanami than for yourself. Your smile doesn’t waver, tensing just the slightest bit as the echo in your head raises its volume.
“I don’t think so, no” you say.
Just like you did almost two years ago, when Satoru first came to the church, you leave the party early and find yourself pulled towards the limit of the woods at the outskirts. Once you step onto the only proper road leading to the next town, your eyes focus on the giant oak tree that stands at the top of the one little hill overseeing your step. The path is painful yet soothing in its familiarity, your heels digging in the dirt and light layer of snow enveloping the steep as you balance your weight and propel forward.
As you make your way to the top, the big, old oak greets you with a rustle of leaves. The leaves persevere during winter, for a reason you would like to think you know.
You feel your face warm with the effort and you can see your breath escape in little puffs of hot air that evaporate into the frosted wind as you walk towards the wide, rough trunk, and press your cheek against it.
You lean on the trunk and focus on the sounds coming from within, the endless shifting of it akin to breathing. Even if you wanted to hug it, you wouldn’t be able to. The immensity of it makes it impossible. It’s ironically cruel. You can’t hug him again and you can’t hug the one breathing thing that reminds you of him either.
“I’m sorry I haven’t visited,” you say, closing your eyes. You can almost pulsing with life against your face. One of your hands curls over the trunk. “I missed you today.”
At this time of the year, you are forced to confront plenty of things. You thought you had survived this winter without having to think, but there’s a sweet and painful song of melancholy in the air that follows you through these events.
It makes you think again about how you would have forgiven him, if he came to town like Satoru did. Like Nanami did. You would have forgiven him. Even if he was clad in priest robes and stood over the altar with the pride of a soldier of God. You would have forgiven him even with the sting of all the broken childish promises.
“It would have been okay, at the end,” it's the only other thing you say out loud.
It’s a sad and embarrassing thought, that you don’t have to say much. Wherever he is now, he knows what he didn’t know before. And everyone knows too. Everyone that loves you and loves him knows. That the pain has subsided and dulled but lingers like a chronic nightmare that sharpens every so often.
That you spent years mad at him and now you can only be mad at yourself. You have matured and you see things in a different light now, left to wonder if you , rather than him, could have done anything in another way.
It’s sad and embarrassing when Satoru meets you at the entrance road to the main street, concern or pity barely veiled as he heaves, cheeks rosy, his rebellious white hair slightly dancing at the tune of the frosty wind, all that betraying the hurried steps he took upon realizing your absence.
You offer him a little smile, finally having cried what you had to cry these past days, your head doesn’t feel as heavy with dark thoughts anymore. You can leave your penances with the oak tree.
“Did my mother ask you to come look for me?” you ask, not thinking twice before hooking your arm with the one he is offering you.
Satoru stares at you intently, head tilted as you both turn back towards the main square in a dance you don’t have to rehearse anymore. It feels natural, walking with him like this.
“More like I offered,” he replies, eyes finally focusing ahead. “Watching her pace around pale with worry, I had to ask what was her cause of concern”
You feel a pinch of guilt.
“She—”
Satoru spares you from having to offer an excuse or apology.
“She knew where you were, but she was worried you would stay there until dark so I told her it would be better for me to bring you back.”
You sigh, head leaning against his arm, gaze focused on the thin mantle of snowflakes in the ground.
“I didn’t need to stay for long.”
“That’s a good thing.” You don’t know if you imagine it, but you can feel Satoru speak against the crown of your head. “It’s still pretty cold out here.”
You answer with a hum, hiding your face into his arm, even his jacket is impregnated with his cologne. Moments like this are met with such intense yearning everything else you feel along with it melts into a pool of sweet resignation.
“You know you can talk to me,” he says, stopping on his tracks. You inhale a bit more of his perfume and the winter air before looking up at him.
You know he can probably see the red trails and rims that expose your silent, lonely tears from earlier but you don’t mind. He looks into your eyes, brows furrowing just a bit, before he shifts his body to face you as well. The snow crunches slightly under his boots.
“What?” you ask.
He raises his hand and reaches for your face. Your eyes flutter in anticipation of his touch and that’s when you feel the phantom pressure of his fingertips against your heavy eyelashes. There’s a sole huff of air that resembles a laugh escaping from his lips, in tandem with the sigh that escapes yours and his soft smile and sad gaze is all you see as you open your eyes.
“There’s frost in your eyelashes,” he whispers, his thumb barely grazing the apple of your cheek, probably following the abandoned path a tear left behind.
Your breath hitches and a surge of adrenaline makes you turn your face to the side, just in time for Satoru to caress your cupid bow and the curve of your upper lip. Your eyes flutter close. It’s only for half a millisecond and his hand retreats as if you were burning him, curling on itself in the air, hovering over your face. Not a sound comes from him.
“I know,” you breathe out.
“Hm?”
“I know I can talk to you,” you clarify, blinking up at him with a soft tilt of your head and in your lips.
He doesn’t escape your gaze, and you can see yourself reflected on his darkened, tempestuous blue eyes.
“But you won’t,” he says.
“Not about this,” you reply honestly.
“But we are–”
You cut him off, before you can hope, protest or rejoice on whatever epithet escapes his lips.
“I know,” you unhook your arm from his, pressing a hand over his forearm. “But you don’t tell me every single thing about you either,” you squeeze slightly and you can feel his muscles clench under the pressure. “Do you?”
After seconds that feel like minutes stretching, he presses his hand over yours and squeezes in a thousand unspoken words.
“No.”
“And that’s okay.”
After all, there are things you don’t want him to know about, even if a part of you thinks he does already.
A part of you wants to believe he understands.
But how could he?
Someone like him can’t never lose, not anything nor anyone.
Your mother forgives your brief disappearance and requires you to run a few errands to pay back any concern you may have caused, mostly to soothe any lingering guilt from your part. It’s always like this between you both, the silent agreements and the subtle conversations.
You can talk about pain freely but you are candid enough about it for her not to worry about you letting it eat away at you in silence.
“Did the visit help?” she asks, hands busy and eyes fixed on you, as you wait patiently, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Hm,” you nod, a faint smile. “It had been a while, I think that’s what I needed”
“I know you usually like to go up there alone,” she starts, “but please try not to linger too close to sunset, the air gets colder and the path is too dark for my peace of mind”
“You know I don’t like to walk in the snow at night.”
Your mother’s eyes trail away from you. “Right.”
“I’m okay,” you say, voice not wavering.
“I know you are,” she replies, looking back at you with love and concern mingling in her pupils. Your throat would close up at the sight on worse days.
Today, though, you smile at her with veiled gratitude and a hint of apology as she hands you a knitted bag, heavy with homemade goods.
“You know,” you point out, weighing it in your hands with a pensive pout in your lips. “I think you spoil that man way too much.”
“Those are for Father Nanami as well,” your mother protests, lifting her brow at you, affronted. “And ‘that man’ is our priest”
“It’s just Satoru,” you said. A slip up that you paid mind to a little too late.
“Precisely because it’s Father Satoru,” your mother replies, casual, as swift as her hands rearranging the last few envelopes. Her brief yet disapproving sideways glance is the only other indication that she has taken note of your disrespectful nonchalance. “He is a friend.”
“It doesn’t matter,” was the answer that made its way to your tongue. It didn’t come out of your lips though, it was too much of a lie.
“He should be thankful we prepared him anything at all.”
The piercing glare your mother throws your way is enough to seal your lips shut and make you swallow your complaint. You smile innocently, fluttering your eyelashes.
“Last time that look worked on me was when you were nine years old”
You don’t receive yet another earful regarding your lack of respect towards the so-called angel of the town, though, so you are thankful. Your mother is aware of the particular familiarity between Satoru and you and while you both have talked about the level of casualness you are okay with, she insists you follow the proper etiquette with a man of God.
“Smile when you deliver this,” she reminds you, planting an obnoxious kiss on your cheek. “We made such an effort putting this together,” your mother comments, eyes much softer than her admonishing voice. The ghost of a smile in her lips suggests a tease that you decide to ignore pointedly, your cheeks flaring. “Presentation is everything.”
You roll your eyes, making your way to the door, “Right...” you drawl.
“Don’t forget your scarf”
You hum in response, stopping at the foyer and grabbing it from the rack next to the door. As you tie it around your neck, a thought makes you pause.
“Mom?”
She peeks into the foyer. “Yes?”
You grab the door handle, eyeing her just briefly before twisting the knob.
“Did you tell Satoru?”
As you open the door, the cold wind blows into the warmth of the house. Your hair waves with it.
“About the tree?”
It’s always like this between you both, the silent connection and the subtle communication.
“About why I go there,” you say.
Your mother is quick to answer both with words and with a firm shake of her head.
You almost regret asking when you see the sorrowful lines that map her face.
“Of course not, it’s not my place to tell.”
You nod, smiling a bit. “Okay.”
As you step out, her voice reaches your ears. “But–“
You look over your shoulder. She looks sheepish, hands dancing on her lap. “Don’t you think it would help? Talking about it with him ? He is your friend and he is closer to God.”
You let out a soft laugh, not unkind. “I think it would be the most awkward conversation to have.”
Whenever you walk towards the parish, you think of Satoru. At the beginning, it was out of curiosity and wariness, as you imagined and played around with the endless possibilities of the mystery of his personality. Now, it is unbearable. The sense of anticipation that used to precede your meetings has mixed in with a yearning, an itch that you can barely scratch and which nature makes your stomach twist.
You are aware there’s an inherent wickedness permeating your feelings now, that most of your thoughts linger close to the line of impropriety and don’t reciprocate Satoru’s unconditional respect for you.
Because, even if he is unconventional in more ways than one, especially in comparison to the strict mold a catholic priest is expected to fit in, there’s nothing about him that suggests a questionable morality. Even with the way he is always getting close, shimming in your head and personal space, talking your ear off about everything and nothing and making jokes that walk and tether the line of strict propriety. And even with your proximity and the familiarity that allows him to touch you freely, there’s a delicate balance and respectful boundaries in your relationship.
His hands never wander or linger beyond the socially acceptable, invisible limits society has mapped a woman’s body with. The looks he gives you, while filled with open interest and regard, are void of a dark, twisted intention you have seen other men possess.
You are the one that avoids looking at him too much or staring at his eyes for too long, fearing the kind of expression you will see reflected on his all-seeing eyes. You are the one terrified about the possibility of him reading the hidden thoughts swirling in the depths of your brain.
The innocence of your friendship has mixed in with a dark pull that makes you crave Satoru’s proximity in a way you shouldn’t dare to entertain. It’s a cruel irony. Even beyond all the key reasons why your fascination should remain concealed behind platonic affections.
It’s wrong.
For the first time in the entire winter, you feel grateful when a whip of harsh, cold air hits your body. It’s heaven’s warning. A way to tell you to focus on the goosebumps instead of whatever black holes your mind is spiraling into.
You walk up the last steps leading to the entrance of the parish feeling nauseous, fighting and locking away the last thoughts. You inhale deeply before walking through the open doors, your nose filled instantly with the sweet smell of incense as the muscle memory takes over and you sign the cross over your upper body. It’s true when they say the church is truly never empty, and not because of the hypothetical presence of a higher being, but because it’s always open. During the day hours, there are always a few believers praying or waiting for a confession, head down, silently holding a conversation with either God or themselves.
Your eyes scan the few people scattered in the pews and you are not surprised to realize you are familiar with the back of the heads of half your neighbors. You walk to one side, moving along the rows of pews and nodding politely to those that are alerted by the movement in their peripheral. Nonetheless, as you get closer to the partly hidden hallway that leads to Satoru’s office and the sacristy, a smaller frame catches your attention. He is sitting right at the edge of the pew closest to the hallway leading to the offices. You walk closer and look over the scrawny shoulder, making sure he is not praying.
“Yuuji?” you whisper.
The boy raises his head, turning his gaze away from the missal on his lap. You smile down at the way his slightly bewildered expression morphs into a wide grin.
“Miss—!” he whispers back.
“What are you doing here?” you ask, ruffling his hair.
He gestures for you to get closer. When you do, he leans forward.
“I’m here to tell Father Gojo something”
You raise a brow, leaning back just enough to admire the anticipation in his expression.
“Father Gojo said I could be an altar boy next Sunday if Grandpa agreed,” he chirps.
You resist the urge to raise both eyebrows. You would think Yuuji is too young to be an altar boy, and you know Satoru does too, having denied his multiple, enthusiastic and incessant requests. Nonetheless, you also know Wasuke is spending more time at the hospital lately and that might be enough reason for him and Satoru to reconsider. Yuuji seems excited enough though. He thinks Satoru is the coolest guy around and has been trailing after him like a baby duck for a while.
“Let me guess,” you lean down with a conspiratorial whisper. “He said yes”
“Yes!”
Yuuji’s outburst bounces off the old rock walls but he doesn’t seem to mind it. You notice some people looking in your direction, raising their heads from their silent prayer with varying degrees of bewilderment. You shrug at them, an apologetic grimace, before turning back to Yuuji.
“Oh my” you huff out a laugh, keeping your voice at whisper-level. “Congrats on the promotion!”
Yuuji almost bounces off the pew but his voice is lower this time. “Thank you.”
“What’s your salary?”
“I-I don’t think I have one,” he perks up, intrigued.
“You should ask for one”
“Oh,” the boy doesn’t even question you, but furrows his brows a bit after a moment. “It shouldn’t be money, though”
You nod, mimicking his serious expression. “Of course.”
Yuuji’s legs swing over the edge of the pew as he looks at the bright colored windows.
“Movies” he suggests, doe eyes looking for your approval.
You bite back a smile but click your tongue and reign in your expression for the sake of the serious aura around him.
“He already lends them to you,” you tap your chin before your expression brightens. “I will help you negotiate weekly cinema tickets and all-you-can-eat ice cream”
Yuuji’s eyes are bright and wide as a gasp escapes his lips. “You would?”
“Uh-huh,” you wink, straightening back to your height. “I’m sure Father Satoru will honor this deal”
Yuuji beams up at you, body almost bouncing off the pew. You giggle, ruffling his hair before fishing some baked goods from your knitted bag.
“For you and Gramps”
“Thank you!” He promptly opens the envelope with enthusiasm and eyes at them. He sniffs unapologetically, “They smell so good! Did you make them?”
“My mom and I did,” you confirm, gently pressing your hand over his so he closes the paper. “They are better hot, so don’t open until you eat them”
“I will go eat them now!” he declares, clutching into them as if you would change your mind and snatch them away. “Outside,” he adds.
You laugh, propping a hand over your hip. “Wait, don’t you want to come to see Father Satoru?"
Yuuji is already sliding off the bench. “He told me to wait a few minutes, he is busy having a grown up talk with Father Nanamin!”
“Nana—“ you trail off. “Isn’t it Nanami?”
The young boy shrugs, already munching on a cookie despite his earlier promise. “Father Gojo calls him Nanamin and Father Nanamin says it was okay if I called him that. He doesn’t seem to like when Father Gojo does, though”
“I see.”
“You are a grown-up, so you can talk to them now,” Yuuji instructs sagely, pointing towards the hallway.
You salute, “Understood, boss”
Yuuji waves at you before skipping out the church. You observe his bouncing frame until it disappears beyond the entrance and you shake your head fondly, before turning around. As you pass the side of the altar, your gaze lingers in the Virgin Mary figure, the flickering flames of the candles at her feet dancing along her body. The candle you lit up many years ago should be right there.
With that last thought, you look forward and slide into the hallway.
At this point, you are familiar with every single corner of this place. Satoru gave you a personalized tour last year, almost scandalized at the thought of you not being familiar with the parish you had grown up in. So, w ith time, you found yourself feeling comfortable enough to explore around on your own, mostly to pass the time while Satoru is attending his priestly duties.
You have grown familiar with every nook and cranny of Satoru’s office as well and you know you can waltz right into it when the door is left ajar. Which is always.
Well, almost.
Strangely enough, you are greeted with the side of a closed door. You frown a bit, eyes fixed on the engraved name at the door. Satoru Gojo. You raise your hand to knock, fearing to walk into a serious conversation you shouldn’t overheard. Something makes you hesitate, though. Probably the hushed whispers traveling through the door.
You stand there, even if you know you shouldn’t.
“…it’s been almost seven years.”
“Didn’t know there’s a rule that says I should stop caring after–”
It takes you a few seconds to realize but what you assumed was a casual conversation sounds way more heated than that. You can’t always quite tell what’s being said, but there are moments the whispers evolve into louder
“….I’m just saying, a long time has passed, maybe you should let it go.”
“You want me to forget it!?”
“I’m not saying you should forget it, but God knows moving on is the best thing we can do. I did–”
“Jesus Christ,” Satoru huffs, “don’t you dare lecture me about moving on, you are here .”
You are so baffled by the fact that Satoru’s voice has the capacity to reach that level of defensive hostility that you don’t quite register how long the silence stretches after his last retort.
“I thought you had matured,” Nanami finally says and the casual coldness in his voice sends a shiver down your spine. “But you are the same impulsive, hot-headed, imprudent kid from all those years ago. Be mindful of your role.”
“Yeah, well, what the hell do you think I have been doing?” Satoru’s voice raises further, a sardonic tone permeating every word. “I’m so close to–”
“You have plenty of people depending on you,” Nanami cuts you off. “If you care about them, you will move cautiously.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence after that. You shift the weight from one foot to another, raising your hand to knock.
“And [Name]–“ Nanami starts.
And you startle.
Nonetheless, Satoru clicks his tongue. You can hear him pacing around in the room. Or it might be Nanami.
“Don’t even bring her up,” the former hisses, in a fiery protest. “Don’t even start. We are friends”
“It’s not that, Satoru, she’s—”
“I’m done with—”
You can barely register the sudden movement, a surge of warmth and a woody, earthy aroma hitting you right in the face. Your eyes focus on the wall of Satoru’s office. Opposite of you, there’s an ample bookshelf of the same expensive yet old wood of the desk. There are no windows and the lights are out which makes the flames cast shadows and dancing figures all over the room and on Nanami’s surprised face as he leans against the desk. “—this.”
You take a stumbling step back when your eyes meet as if the force of it was enough to make you lose balance. Only then, when your eyes run away from his, you find yourself face to face with Satoru Gojo, still with his hand on the knob, the most baffled expression you have ever seen on him. “You—”
“I–” your mouth feels dry, your heartbeats ringing in your ears. “I was just…”
“Not now.”
Whatever fluster, shame or guilt you might have begun to feel instantly evaporates into a cloud of pure befuddlement. Satoru’s face is not a display of perplexity anymore but rather an inexpressive, almost dismissive mask. It’s so foreign it makes you take a step back.
“H–huh?” you let out. “I was just—”
“[Name], I apologize,” he mutters in a tone that doesn’t suggest a hint of regret, “but the confessional opens at ten, so not now.”
“I just wanted—”
“[Name]…” there’s a hint of a plea this time, as he tilts his head to the side and avoids your gaze, as if he is trying to repel you.
Nanami frowns, stepping closer. “Gojo—”
The cloud of bafflement dissipates to expose a mix of indignation and humiliation. It’s the fact that he has never spoken to you like this. Ever. Not until today. You feel yourself ruffle and warm up under his gaze, a glare settling on your eyes.
He opens his mouth again and you clutch the strap of your knitted bag, feeling defensive.
“Gojo,” Nanami speaks, pressing a hand over his shoulder.
Satoru bites his inner cheek but doesn’t say anything else. He shrugs Nanami off after a few seconds, though. You can only observe, trying to wrap your head around what you are seeing and hearing and what you thought you would see and hear and how you imagined your day would go.
You retrace every step in your head as you physically walk back, affronted. Before you can even say anything, though. Before you can defend yourself or protest, something catches your eye.
You wish you had never seen it.
Nanami is wearing a black cassock, just like Satoru is. The clerical collar is pristine and there’s a cross hanging off his neck. It catches the light of the flames in the chimney.
At the left, an ornate badge is proudly fixed against his chest. It’s a beautiful one, the fanciest kind of needlework. And a very familiar one. You have spent hours staring at the embroidery, the design, at the way the crimson and the plum and the gold thread harmonize in an intricate embrace.
All of a sudden, you feel bile rise up your throat.
“[Name]–”
You don’t care if Satoru's tone is kinder this time. The sight surely isn’t.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
The words ring in your ears, the voice all too clear after all these years, hands without a body handing you a box too light.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
Your hand tugs at the fine chain around your neck, your hand molding around the little case in an anxious grip. Your hand is sweaty and your thumb traces over the curves and lines of the initials engraved on the locket in a silent callback.
“H–hey…”
You turn around without looking back. Your steps are swift, desperate. The hallway seems to stretch on and on and the rest of the church closes in on you as you focus on the light of the outside world ahead. Your hurried steps echo off the walls, the beginning of a sob held back by your tight-sealed lips. You might have heard your name but you don’t mind, you want to keep running until you can finally breathe. Until the light outside erases every memory of the cold winter.
In reality, you run until you physically tire out. Until you are heaving, leaning on your knees, droplets falling from your face and into the snow. They could be tears or sweat, you don’t know.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
You might want to retch out of the sickening voice replaying in your head over and over again or because you have moved forward like a mad-woman. Either way, you inhale and exhale as frantically as you have run until the need for oxygen subsides and you don’t have a choice but to kneel down. Your hands and knees are partly buried in the snow.
You hate winter.
It brings cold and sickness and painful memories with it. For you, the worst part of it is the phantom hold that clings and suffocates you like a constricting vine. Trees are still skinny and mostly naked, branches trembling at the wind, bending under the weight of the last snowfall.
All but one.
Your head rises. It’s easy to see it from the bottom of the hill.
Between the leisure movement of a heavy cloud and the other, the sun has started to reach out with its lukewarm rays and, right at the top, the giant oak tree stands proud and imposing. Its monstrous shadow seems to stretch impossibly long, all the way down the hill where it reaches you and envelopes you like a mantle.
“You have finally come back to haunt me”
hi again ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ i want to thank you for reading all the way to here. You absolutely rock and I'm profoundly flattered. this post is crazy to me because despite my long time in fandom trenches, this is the first time I post a self insert / OC fic aaaaand a fic on tumblr. Kudos to Satoru Gojo and my catholic upbringing for mingling in my brain! Anyway, you probably have more questions than answers and for that I apologize. I feel this introduction is a bit more confusing than anything but that's exactly what I wanted to go after. Hopefully it gives you an idea of the messy state of things. There’s a whole menu of mildly fucked up stuff here and I'm so excited for you to browse it in the upcoming chapters.Anyways! Any doubts you have feel free to drop in the comments or in an ask, I will be more than happy to answer if it's nothing to spoilery :v If you don’t have any questions yet, don’t worry i'm looking forward to read your thoughts and comments or constructive criticism about the chapter as well! Thank you so much for taking the time to give this lil work a chance! Til next time my beloveds ♡ Have a good day/night!
©️ lilactwilights | no repost allowed | likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated!
©️ divider by strangergraphics
#a heathen clung to piety#ahctp#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo x yn#gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#priestgojo#fanfiction#fem reader#reader insert#jjk x reader#jjk#gojo smut#lilactwilights#writing
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Absolution

Azriel x Reader(N)
Summary: Two lovers separated out of necessity finally reunite, only for a brief tryst.
A/N: This is an experimental piece of work. I'm testing a writing style, so feedback is welcome. It's an extended universe for a plot I was working with details tbd but doesn't involve much plot here. So it should be an easy read. This is my first ever Tumblr publish and it's scary!! So be kind. Hope you enjoy!
Word count: ~4.5k
Warning: NSFW, 18+ SMUT, f!receiving, m!receiving(barely), sappy start+spicy middle+angsty end (i guess), voice kink, p in v. Mentions of OC other than reader[not enough editing/proofreading/formatting]
Azriel stepped into the room desperately holding on to the moment, afraid Crone Mother would change her mind. N sat on the balcony—like every evening, on the floor, her legs crossed, her hands clasped in her lap. The curtains came alive with the touch of a gentle breeze to guard her from him. Her sheer dress melded with her body under the radiance of the fading sun, her skin aglow as if made of stars and gold. Summer flowers adorned her hair, tucked into the braid that unravelled after the day’s practices.
His shadows peeked over his shoulders and swarmed his hands buzzing with excitement. With each silent step, he prayed he didn’t break her trance. He settled before her—bringing his knees to his chest, he rested his elbows on them, and his wings tucked tight to his body.
The hue of the setting sun made everything heavenly about her—soft, ethereal. Wisps of hair teasing her cheeks, the knowing smile on her lips, the slight flutter of her eyelids under his stare. A sigh escaped Azriel’s lips. It was a worthless attempt to hide his presence from her, the one who held the sight.
Azriel wasn’t a fool to waste the mercy bestowed upon him after months of longing to be close to his beloved. He stretched on the floor, his head finding its rightful place in her lap, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her scent and warmth made their bond burn brighter and he sighed in contentment.
After long minutes, N rested her palm on his head. Her fingers carded through his hair, and her nails scratched his scalp the way he liked. A thumb teased the shell of his ear and his wings responded with a sudden tremor.
Azriel smiled. He buried his face into her thigh. Air shifted around them as her body answered to his touches and breaths. Despite the need clawing in his chest, he chose to wait a few minutes, to savour the comfort of her simple touch.
N broke the silence. ‘How was your day?’ Her voice was as sweet as ever.
‘Long. Excruciatingly long,’ sighed Azriel. ‘I started with your friends from the armoury today. Until your mother sent me to the gardens.’ He remembered the smile on the older woman’s face when she took him away from the others. A secretive, mischievous one. ‘She enjoys testing me a bit much. She made me tend to your roses.’
N laughed, the sound sending a shiver through him. ‘That must have been a vision. Maybe she’s exacting revenge for how you treated her back home.’
Azriel’s heart thudded in his chest. Home. No matter what Crone Mother said, N had one home. It was with him, in Night Court. ‘I think she’s forgotten all that. She’s more interested in stealing you from me.’ His arms tightened around her and his shadows whirled around them emphasising their master’s possessiveness, ‘But I don’t mind. As long as she lets me be with you for a while.’ His lips twitched. ‘Did you know everyone here addresses me as your mate?’
Another laugh broke through her lips, ‘They're not wrong.’
‘No, they are not.’ Azriel finally looked up. Her eyes were already on his face. ‘I’ve been called many names over centuries. Shadowsinger. Spymaster. But this one,’ he leaned up to her face, ‘I like the most. To be known as yours before they even know my name.’ He got to his knees and trailed a knuckle along her jaw. ‘I’d like that for the rest of my life.’ Their bond strummed a tune so loud that rendered him senseless. ‘I want to have a life with you. A home, a family. Anything you want, any way you want. As long as you want that too.’
‘You mean that.’ N stated as if she needed to reassure herself. She stared at him with a mask of impassivity on her face that almost rivalled his own as a spy. Then, she smiled. ‘But I’ll have you know there will be more tests from Crone Mother.’
'I’ll suffer anything for you,’ he murmured against her lips. ‘So that’s a yes?’ N nodded before her eyes sparkled with mirth. ‘What is it?’ His senses warned him, his shadows stood alert on his shoulders.
‘Well, technically, we’re married.’
Silence fell between them. Azriel’s fingers left her skin.
‘What?’
N shrugged. ‘Do you remember the first time we duelled?’ Her voice was steady but her hesitance broke through at the sight of the male who sat frozen in front of her. ‘You made me bleed. You proved you were my equal. And, it all happened after the bond snapped for you.’
Azriel remembered that day. He had wanted to impress her. It was the day he felt the warmth of her breath on him for the first time. For days and nights to come, he relived those moments until his skin prickled with heat.
N’s unsure laughter died soon when he didn’t even blink. His shadows retreated. His end of their bond quietened, alarming her.
Finally, he said, ‘All this time you were my wife?’
Her breath stuck to her throat. ‘According to our custom, yes.’
‘And you kept that a secret.’ His wings flared behind him to their full glory and his eyes narrowed. ‘What did we discuss about your secrets?’
N leaned back, ‘Was I supposed to tell you all this when I had your blade to your throat? I’m not sure you’d have been open to that conversation.’ Her voice reeked of confidence but Azriel saw the facade waning in her darkening eyes.
Memories flitted through his mind—visions of her from the instant he laid his eyes on her to the present. Every misfortune they endured, every second they spent in love, every. . .
He stalked her on his knees, his hands on either side of her. He hissed, ‘You slept with those males after that.’ A sound escaped his throat, a rumble deep from his chest. ‘My wife slept with other males to spite me.’
N stared at his lips and swallowed thickly. She hurried back, her hands slipping on the smooth marble under her. 'Azriel,' she whined wincing at the way her body welcomed her impending doom.
Azriel inhaled sharply. ’You like that? When I call you my wife?’ He chuckled darkly. His lips whispered against hers, ‘Of all the things you kept from me, this is the worst. You’re not getting out of this easy this time.’
N pleaded with her eyes. Her breaths shuddered. ‘They are watching.’
‘Then they’ll know my actions are justified.’
Azriel dove for his kill but before his hands grasped her, she faded away. Her airy laughter echoed in his ears. She stood in the middle of the room—her hands gently clutching her skirt to free her feet, her braid coming undone over her shoulder, teeth sinking into her plump lip—a vision of devilry and seduction.
His eyes flashed up to hers with a glint. His shadows who wanted vengeance of their own circled his shoulders and arms with a frenzy. N was in trouble and she knew it. She turned to run only to be met with his hard chest emerging from a dark mist.
‘Did you really think you could get away?’ He caressed her cheek, ‘There’s no escape from me. You should know that by now.’
N slid her arms around his neck. ‘Back then, we barely knew each other. I didn’t want to scare you.’ She looked into his eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’ She sent every ounce of sincerity in her being through their bond, still he kept his end cloaked.
Azriel pulled his arms away. Dark amusement shone in his eyes. ‘As if a silly apology is going to save you.’
N smoothed her palms over his chest. ‘I know.’ Her lips brushed against his skin, littering his face with soft pecks. ‘I know,’ she kissed the corner of his lips, moving closer and closer to the centre as she breathed the words, ‘I’ll make it up to you. For every secret.’
Even as N pressed her body into his, Azriel stood unmoved with a cruel smirk on his lips and his hands by his side. Her fingers wandered over his sculpted torso before unbuttoning his shirt. The shadows on his shoulders swayed, watching, waiting. The regal female who made others quiver with fear grovelled for his forgiveness, and his wretched heart grew giddy with power and pride.
Azriel itched to grab her waist and bite her lips until she bled for him again. A true victory in this duel. He closed his eyes in a wasted effort to tame his thoughts. At the first touch of her cool fingers on his bare chest, he almost gave in.
His eyes snapped open the moment N pulled her lips away. She dropped to her knees, her fingers dancing on his hips. Pressing a kiss below his navel, she inched her hands between his legs and fondled him with the heel of her palms. The warmth from her hands seeped through the cotton, which he was forced to wear upon their arrival, promising him the pleasure that awaited him.
In all the years with her, Azriel treated her lips as a relic–sacred and holy–a crown jewel in the trove that was her body. Something to be guarded, treasured, worshipped. He never had to take her mouth the way she offered to him to reach for the stars.
N smiled sweetly. The goddess who witnessed every vice and virtue under the sky knelt before him with love in her heart and devotion in her eyes.
Enchanted, Azriel watched her. His lips parted with a shaky breath. Their bond blazed with emotions he couldn’t name. At that moment, he knew there had never been nor ever will be a male more blessed than he was.
His scarred hand cradled her cheek tinged with a soft blush. She leaned in, closing her eyes, trapping his hand between her shoulder and face. She sighed. She kissed his wrist, his palm, his fingers.
Azriel couldn’t decide which was in more pain—his heart or his cock. Both, mere toys in her hands.
N grazed her lips against his clothed hardness and Azriel closed his eyes. His head fell back. A gasp escaped deep from his chest when her tongue soaked him through the fabric. He couldn't remember why he wanted to punish his sweet mate. He was close to breaking already and all she did was tease.
A sharp scrape of her teeth along his length had him bury his hand in her hair softer than the flowers that tumbled down her breast. He hissed in warning as his eyes held hers in a glare.
‘I want you to look at me,’ she smiled. That damned smile that masked her every cruelty.
Too much time had passed since they felt each other’s skin. Months, almost a year of not seeing each other, not holding each other. And there she was ready to worship him with her entire being if only for a night until their time ran out. Every move of hers had his heart wring in pain, the desire through the bond overwhelming and consuming his soul.
His shadows swooped down and pulled her to him. Azriel crashed his lips onto hers before her feet rested on the ground and stole every little breath from her chest. His shadows brought them to her bed, delicate and soft fit for a queen, like her.
He pried the cord that held her dress together below her breasts. His lips ventured south leaving a trail of red on her neck and chest while N rewarded him with her moans. Shadows, ever obedient, parted her dress to make way for their master’s hand to relish the smoothness of her skin. He caressed every inch of her body with his marred hands except where she ached for him the most. She pleaded and moaned, guiding his hand between her legs.
‘You shouldn’t have lied to me,’ he growled, letting his canines scratch her jaw. ‘You know how I feel about secrets, don’t you?’ A sob left her lips as the back of his fingers teased her entrance with the barest of touch. ‘Is this what you call making up? Crying and moaning until your husband fucks you?’
N froze. Her eyes stared into his with unspoken emotion that radiated clearly in their bond instead. ‘Azriel, please.’ His hand came down hard between her legs. She arched her back beautifully for him as a silent gasp escaped her lips.
Azriel memorised every pull of her muscles. ‘You should’ve known better.’ He slipped his fingers in and out, barely past her entrance, coaxing moans out of her. Her wetness had his mouth water. He undid his pants enough to ease himself out and thrusted into her in a single move.
They were perfect for each other—masochists at heart, denying themselves release until the day for their reunion drew closer and closer. N reached a hand out and clawed at his chest. Her eyes widened and soon glazed with pleasure. Her lungs ached for air. Her body begged to escape the feral male whose only intention was to devour her body and soul. Yet, she wrapped her legs around him.
Azriel waited panting, his heart losing its rhythm, shirt clinging to his back. N tugged him closer with her heels on his ass. He growled, baring his teeth. He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her to his chest. Her eyes fixated where his hips snapped against hers, where they were finally a whole. Each of her whimpers nudged him to quicken his pace.
He felt his release closing in. ‘Is this what you want?’ She looked up, mewling for him, her eyes burning with tears. Too soon. He pulled out of her weeping cunt and dove in with his tongue.
N cried out his name, sweeter than any melody she had ever sung for him. Her body slumped on the bed. She sought for leverage, her hands fisting the pillows. As she felt her fingers grasping at reality, shadows weaved around her wrist and pinned them above her head.
Azriel watched his mate’s body collapse and crash at his ministrations. He dug his fingers into her thighs tearing them open. Her bright eyes pinched shut before she met his crazed ones. With her chest glistening with sweat, her neck reddening, and her teeth sinking into her wet, swollen lips, she came.
Watching her body shiver with every lick of the evening breeze, Azriel rid himself of his clothes. He leaned down to kiss her lips, but she stared dazed. He laughed and nipped at the insides of her bicep, clearing the fog in her mind. Her arms flushed red as blood rushed back. Her fingers twitched and his shadows trickled along them. She came alive with whines when he slipped his fingers inside her.
Her desire came in waves through the bond. A groan rose from his chest, a guttural rumble. Even after his transgressions, she only wanted more, more of him. N clenched around his fingers at the sound. Azriel chuckled darkly into her ear. N curled into herself and clenched again. A renewed glint came to his eyes as he stared into hers.
‘She likes my voice, does she now? I always wondered. . .’ He lowered himself between her legs again, his second haven, the first being her embrace. A series of soft ‘please’ escaped her but the lust in her eyes told a different story, the bond sang a different tune. And he chose to heed its calling.
He wrapped a hand around her thigh and pushed the other aside with his shoulder. He didn’t want to miss this one. It was no new knowledge. He always had his suspicions, years of practice in observing the unobserved. But to finally see it with his own eyes, he was desperate to witness it. He wanted it to be true, he prayed for it to be true.
The room was filled with nothing but N’s silent pleas. Her wetness glistened in the last lights of dusk promising him an elixir crafted just for him. A fresh wave of arousal rolled over her body. Azriel hummed, breathing in the scent.
‘So pretty,’ he exhaled. His eyes took in every flutter that invited him back. ‘You like being praised, don’t you?’ N moaned fighting against the shadows that held her hostage. Azriel pulled her close by her hip and inhaled—loud and deep—his nose almost touching her.
‘Always wet for me, eager for me.’ His voice softened, his taunts dying as if his anger was meant for N and not her cunt, ‘I missed you so much. I can tell you missed me too,’ he pressed his lips to her thigh, his eyes unwavering, ‘by the way you wrapped around me, by the way you swallowed me.’ His cock throbbed at his own words.
He rasped, ‘Look at you, teasing me. Do you want a kiss?’ He flattened a hand on her abdomen, his fingers stroking deliberate patterns. ‘My tongue, my fingers? Hmm?’ Her hip jerked up for more and he pressed a kiss to the arch above her clit.
'Azriel, please. I want more.'
‘So wanton, so needy.’ A wisp of shadow licked her entrance once and N closed her eyes. Her hips moved in tandem as if she could materialise what she needed out of thin air. ‘So beautiful.’ Azriel grazed a thumb along the junction where her leg met her hip. N fell back with a groan.
‘You want me, don’t you? You never lie to me,’ another kiss to her thigh, ‘You can’t lie. Unlike N,’ his eyes finally caught her desperate ones. For a moment, he almost felt tyrannical to let the wicked smile pull at his lips. N threw her head back and circled her hips again.
‘That’s it, pretty. Show me how you’d fuck me. Show me how beautiful you are.’ His tongue trailed a line alongside his thumb, ‘Come for me.’
Her legs went taut around his shoulders. Her toes dug into his back next to where his wing emerged from. When her stomach sank in, Azriel shoved two fingers inside and held it there as she unravelled with a choked moan.
Pure, perverse pride filled his chest as his mate bucked and thrashed at the impact. Azriel was sick—sick at heart, sick in his desires. He never denied it. But it hardly felt a sickness with N trembling with his fingers inside.
Having lived through the horrors he did and committed unspeakable sins over his lifetime, Azriel knew there was no absolution for him. Nor that he cared. He already had his heaven, right there, in front of him, basking in the afterglow of pure pleasure.
He nuzzled his nose into her thigh to steal a little more warmth from her exhausted body. He brushed his cheek against her, closing his eyes, savouring the moment before his primal need destroyed the only person he loved the most. He hummed satisfied, pressing the lightest of kisses to her skin, his pathetic attempt to atone for the wicked he unleashed upon her. His heart should cower in shame and guilt, yet it swelled with love and hunger.
His name, whispered once, tore his attention from his perverted thoughts. He never cared for what he was called. But in her sweet voice, a sacred chant uttered in the confines of their chamber, he liked no word more than his own name. His shadows answered her call, smoothed over her sweat-covered body apologising for their master’s sadism, burning her skin with their delicate coolness. Some mercy, for they were no better than him.
Azriel brushed a thumb along her cheek gathering her tears away, a tender kiss placed in their stead. He smiled like a gentle lover. He parted her lips with his fingers soaked in her essence and slid them past her teeth.
With hooded eyes, N looked up at the male who sought the remnants of her soul clinging to her body and sucked on the tips. Her tongue rivalled the wetness between her legs. She was a true seductress.
Azriel lapped at his fingers and the lips sheathing them alike, tasting her whole at once, embracing the insanity he fought to stave off for so long. Even when he slipped his fingers out of her mouth, even when he pressed his body onto hers, even when he lined himself to her welcoming heat, he didn’t break the kiss like her lips were his only tether to reality.
N stilled beneath him. Another tear slipped from the corner of her beautiful eyes. Azriel was cruel, but he was capable of loving his mate right. He wrapped a hand around her shoulder and smoothed a palm over her hip. He inched in slowly into her pulsing cunt, ‘Give me one more, love. Just one. For me?’
His mate, ever merciful, nodded. The adoration that flowed through the golden string between their hearts reflected in her eyes. ‘Please,’ she said breathlessly, ‘please, Azriel. I want to touch you.’
The one whose dangerous hands slit throats of the most feral of males and females with grace asked to touch him so sweetly. How could he deny anything to her?
His shadows didn’t wait for his instructions. They released her arms and slid over to the skin their master left unattended, staking their claim on her body. Azriel reined them back only to lose control again. She made him jealous of his own shadows, ones meant to serve him, ones who forgot their place around her.
A long sigh pulled his focus back to her. Too exhausted to hold him like she always did, N ran her hands along his sides. ‘I missed you.’
‘I missed you too.’ Azriel lifted her thigh higher and wrapped it around his waist ripping a whine from her throat. He did miss her. He missed everything about her. Her raw devotion to him, her pure heart, her unconditional love.
As he moved deeper and deeper still, he felt it. The echo of a song he knew too well, one of love and longing that kept them connected through the times of separation. Beyond the familiarity of its thrum, he recognised something else.
Like catching a flicker of light after being lost in the dark for long. Like the first time he gained control of the darkness he was born with. Like the first time he tasted his freedom. In her arms, everything made sense. His breaths strained.
Tears flowed freely from her eyes. ‘I missed you,’ There was a tremor in her voice. Azriel soothed her with his own declarations but she shook her head, ‘Don’t make me leave you again. Please, I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t, not without you.’
Azriel always believed he loved her more than she could love him in her lifetime. His petty display of jealousy and temper, a proof of his love. What an arrogant fool. His heart ached for failing to truly see his beloved’s feelings for him, how deep it ran in her veins, how it destroyed her while it breathed life into him.
He pulled her close, enveloping her in his comfort, and his wings draped around them.
‘Promise me, Azriel.’ She closed her eyes, ‘Please.’
‘I’m here now,’ he caressed her cheek. He left kisses on her forehead, eyes, cheeks, and finally on her lips. ‘I’m here. I’m with you, love. I’m here.’ And at those words, N let go one last time leading him to his release.
Azriel left his shaking mate in the bed with a kiss when he came back to his senses to draw a bath. He stood by the door of her bathroom and watched his shadows tickle the skin below her ear. A light chuckle escaped her lips as more chased her hand. It was a sight he was used to and missed dearly.
N smiled at him as he carried her in his arms. Her body shivered at the first touch as Azriel lowered her into the tub. She tugged at his wrist, and he joined in. She leaned her back into his chest and closed her eyes. The water washed her exhaustion away while his hands massaged her tender flesh. Her eyes struggled to stay open and she sank deeper against him. As he dried her tenderly after, she watched him with an easy smile.
Azriel carried her out to the bedroom and paused. Fresh sheets lined her bed. Sweet fragrance of jasmine lingered in the air. Lit candles stood on windows and her desk. Moonlight streamed past the drawn curtains. His shadows failed to notice, too lost in her as he was.
‘I told you they were watching,’ N said, her voice quiet and tired.
He eased her into the bed and pulled a blanket over her legs. He traced the marks of red on her stomach and between her breasts, marring her pristine skin—still a masterpiece—complete, perfect. ‘Do you think they’ll let me near you again after seeing what I’ve done?’ He couldn’t stop the smile that cruelly tugged at his mouth.
N groaned, throwing a hand over her eyes. ‘I’m pretty sure Mother Aarzu is already dissecting how you wrecked me for her next seduction lesson.’
‘Well then,’ Azriel laid beside her and pulled her to his chest, ‘I’m willing to contribute more to these lessons. They sound very necessary.’
She glared from behind her hand. ‘Mock all you want but your brothers are worse. I bet Rhysand was listening to your thoughts the whole time. And they are already planning on ways to taunt you.’
Azriel lifted a brow. He opened his mouth to defend his ability to guard his thoughts when his brother’s laughter echoed in his mind. ‘Your shields are pathetic when she’s around. They went down the moment her lips were on you.’ N flinched in his arms and he knew his brother invaded her mind as well for his next words, ‘Thanks for the show. Quite an. . .inspiration.’
N scoffed, ‘I don’t know why we do it behind closed doors.’ Her words had his mind conjure ideas already. A frown appeared between her brows. She looked at him sharply when she felt a hardness pressing into her hip, ‘We’re not doing that.’
Azriel laughed aloud. Something he hadn’t done in a while after he sent his mate away. ‘Anything my wife wants,’ he teased. He cradled her face against his chest and kissed her eye. ‘Anything you want.’
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The common rebuttal to "this reads like fanfic (derogatory)" is "read better fanfic," which is true in certain cases, but on the other hand, there is some grain of truth to the idea that you can tell when someone's primary mode of literary analysis is fanfic instead of... well... literally anything else. It's okay to like or even prefer fanfic, but if you want to take your craft seriously you also need to read books, dude. Published books will teach you a lot of stuff fanfic doesn't, like proper dialogue formatting and how to introduce your reader to unfamiliar characters. Even the crappiest book (well, if it's not After or 50 Shades, which started off as fanfic to begin with lol) will have been subjected to some sort of editing process to ensure at least the appearance of proper grammar. That's not a guarantee with your average fanfic, and hence why you can't always take all your writing cues from fanfic because it's "so much better" than commercially published original fiction or whatever. Frankly, fic writers tend to peddle some absolutist and downright bad takes sometimes. "Said is dead" is a terrible rule, though not because said is invisible and a perfectly serviceable tag; that's just part of it. Dialogue tags are a garnish, not a main dish that can be swapped out for more ostentatious words. If your characters murmur and mutter instead of simply saying stuff, your readers are going to wonder why nobody speaks up. "'I'm explaining some very plot-important shit right now lol,' she elaborated," likewise, is a form of telling. Instead of letting the reader extrapolate that "she elaborated" via the contents of the dialogue itself, you're telling them what to think about it. And that's why it's distracting: your authorial hand is showing. Writing is an act of camouflage. You, as the writer, need to make your presence as invisible as possible so as to not intrude on the reader's suspension of disbelief. That's the driving reason behind "show, don't tell." And overall, everyone could stand to cut down on the frequency of their dialogue tags anyway. Not every exchange needs "he said" or "she whispered" attached as long as you establish who is doing the talking before the exchange. Some people will complain of confusion if you go on for too long without a dialogue tag, and that definitely is a risk, but at some point you also need to resist the temptation of holding the reader's hand. If they can't follow a conversation between two people, chances are they weren't meeting you halfway and paying that much attention in the first place. In fact, you don't even necessarily need action beats in between every piece of dialogue, as Tumblr writing advice posts will often suggest as a fix. Pruning things often cleans them up just fine.
Another fanfic-influenced trend in writing is, I guess, beige prose? A heavy focus on internal narration with lots of telling. It's not a style I can concretely describe, but every time I click on a non-mutual's writing, I feel like it always has, like. This "samey" voice to it. There's no real attempt to experiment and use unique or provocative language, or even imagery half the time. It's almost a dry recital of narration that doesn't leave much room for subtext. I see this style most often in fanfic where you can meander and wax poetic about how the characters feel without ever really getting around to the plot. And it's like. DO something.
Other tells that the author is taking their cues from fanfic mores rather than books: >>too much minute description of eyes, especially their color and their movement >>doesn't leave much room for subtext (has a character speak their every thought aloud instead of letting the reader infer what they're thinking via action or implication) >>too much stage action ("X looked at Y. Y moved to push their seat in. X took a deep breath and stepped toward Y with a determined look on his face. 'We need to talk,' he said.") >>tells instead of shows, even when the example is about showing instead of telling ("he clenched his teeth in agony" instead of just "he clenched his teeth") >>has improper dialogue tag formatting, especially with putting full stops where there should be commas ("'Lol and lmao.' she said" instead of "'Lol and lmao,' she said." This one drives me up a wall) >>uses too many dialogue tags >>"em dashes, semi-colons and commas, my beloved" - I get the appeal but full stops are your friends. Too much alternate punctuation makes your writing seem stilted and choppy. >>"he's all tousled brown hair and hard muscle" and "she's all smiles and long legs." This turn of phrase is so cliche, it drives me up a wall. Find less trite ways of describing your characters pls. >>"X released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding" >>every fucking Hot Guy ever is described as lean and sinewy >>sobbing. why is everyone sobbing. some restraint, pls >>Tumblr in general tends to think a truism counts as good writing if you make the most melodramatic statement possible (bonus: if it's written in a faux-archaic way), garnish it with a hint of egotism, and toss in allusions to the Christian God, afterlife, or death. ("I will stare God in the face and walk backwards into hell," "What is a god to a nonbeliever?") It's indicative of emotional immaturity imo, that every emotional truth need be expressed That Intensely in order to resonate with people. >>pushes the "Oh." moment as the pinnacle of Romantic Epiphany >>Therapy Speak dialogue. why is this emotionally constipated forty-something man who drinks himself stupid every morning to escape gruesome war memories speaking about his trauma like a clinical psychologist >>"this well-established kuudere should Show More Emoshun. I want him to break down crying on his love interest's shoulder from all his repressed trauma" - I am begging u. stop >>"why don't the characters just talk to each other?" "why can't we have healthy relationships?" I don't know, maybe because fiction is not supposed to be a model for reality and perfect communication makes for boring drama?
>>improperly using actions as dialogue tags ("'Looks like we're going hunting,' he grinned") >>why is everyone muttering and murmuring. speak up >>too many adverbs, especially "weakly" and "shakily." use stronger verbs. ("trembled" instead of "shook weakly") >>too many epithets ("the younger man" or "the brunette detective") >>too many filter words ("he felt," "she thought," "I remembered")
>>no, Tumblr, first-person POV is not the devil; you're just using way too many filter words (see above) and not enough sentence variation to make it flow well enough. First-person POV is an actually pretty good POV (not just for unreliable and self-aware narrators) if you know what you're doing and a lot of fun crafting an engaging character voice. Tumblr's hatred of first-person baffles me, and all I can think is you would only hate it if your only frame of reference was, like, My Immortal. Have you tried reading A Book? First-person POV is just another tool in your toolbox, and like all tools, it can be used properly or improperly. But it's not inherently a marker of bad writing. The disdain surrounding it strikes me as about as sensical as making fun of the concept of characters. Oh, your work has characters in it? Ew, I automatically click off a fic if it has characters in it. like what.
#writing#obligatory disclaimer that I am speaking broadly and this is in no way intended to make anyone feel self-conscious
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Kuroshitsuji Wiki... to migrate from Fandom Wiki!
Hello! A few weeks ago, I made a post regarding a recent issue with Fandom Wiki that has made many pages on the Kuroshitsuji Wiki unable to be edited and asked people to participate in a survey asking whether a wiki migration would be okay considering the circumstances.
And now, it's time to reveal the results!
(As the survey is now closed, all infos regarding Kuroshitsuji Wiki's issue with Fandom Wiki in particular and Fandom Wiki's problems in general can be found here.)
Thank you to everyone who shared my posts and took the time to participate! A total of 63 people participated in the main survey.
59 out of 63 voted "yes," 3 "neutral," and only one "no."
In the smaller-scale poll I conducted on tumblr directly, in which 22 people participated, the results were similar.
18 out of 22 voted "yes," 3 "neutral," and only one "no."
As such, I can announce with great joy that Kuroshitsuji Wiki will migrate from Fandom Wiki in 2025!
Results to the second question of the survey "Did you ever have any issues with Fandom?", your comments, and a preliminary "battle plan" for the migration can be found under the cut.
Second question results
14 said that they never had any issues with Fandom, 14 had minor issues with Fandom, 8 had major issues, 15 said they despised Fandom, and 12 reported they had no strong feelings about Fandom.
Of 63 participants, 29 were so kind to tell me what exactly their issues with Fandom were/are. (Out of them, 5 mentioned that they were wiki editors themselves or had, at least, a Fandom wiki account.)
Most common complaints:
The absurd amount of ads: This was mentioned by 18 people. They said that the ads are placed terribly and clutter the screen which makes navigating wikis more difficult - or even near-impossible. 3 people mentioned that they (even despite using adblockers!) often cannot access Fandom wikis because going on the website crashes their browers, pages freeze up, or all the ads make even short pages load very slowly.
Layout: 8 people complained that Fandom wikis were hard to navigate because of their layout, i.a. because of the sidebar, the ads, and formatting. The bad layout was also noted to decrease the readability of pages.
Mobile experience: 3 people specifically mentioned how awful it is to go to Fandom Wikis on their phones, i.a. because of the ads.
Other complaints:
Inability to edit pages because of the abuse filter/the offensive terms policy (Maurice's page was mentioned specifically)
Bad content moderation of some wikis
Fandom keeps logging them out
Website seems user-unfriendly in general
Using wikis for ad money and profit
Generally terrible functionality
AI usage
Lack of customisation of wikis makes everything the same
(One person simply wrote "gives me a headache" which sounds so like Violet, it's my favourite.)
Thank you all for your complaints! It was very refreshing reading them all because I could only nod along. I was particularly glad to read that people said that Fandom makes their browser crash, pages freeze up, and articles load slowly because I had/have the same issues. While Season 4 was running and I was writing the episode summaries, doing the image galleries, etc., my browser crashed all the time. Part of my plight is immortalised in article histories^^'
At the very least, Fandom automatically saves your progress or I might have killed someone. Still, having your page freeze up and your browser crash mid-edit is horrible, and I often had to restart my laptop afterwards too -.- (And I have a gaming laptop that was, at that time, just a year old!) I thought it was merely a problem with my laptop, so hearing you mention the same problem was very reassuring.
While long loading times for short pages were mentioned, loading times for long pages can be outright abysmal. There was a time no one from the admin team could really open up and edit Ciel's and Sebastian's pages (the two longest pages on the wiki). It was horrid.
I also like that the terrible mobile experience was highlighted a few times because, believe it or not, many decisions Fandom Wiki has made to their layout and such were meant to improve the mobile experience (often to the detriment of the desktop site). Wikis look so ugly and everything is extra "stripped-down" on mobile so that wikis would "run better and more smoothly on phones." Maybe we would know if this was actually true were it not for all the ads, hm?
Your comments
Thank you to the 15 people who left a comment! Most spoke out again in favour of a migration in their comment, saying that it would be for the best - one expressed their support despite having nothing against Fandom Wiki personally.
(Some of the comments were specifically for me which I didn't expect and so, so kind even. Thanks for wishing me luck and all your nice words. :'))
The only question that really came up was who would be the wiki's new host. I will answer this in the next section :)
(Preliminary) "battle plan" to move the wiki
Wiki's Next Host Site
One comment specifically suggested Miraheze as the next host, and another mentioned the migration history of the Twisted Wonderland Wiki (it moved first to Miraheze and then to wiki.gg).
While I am not opposed to the Kuro Wiki moving to Miraheze as I have nothing against that platform, I think it would be best for the Kuroshitsuji Wiki to move to wiki.gg.
My main reason for that is the fact that Miraheze cannot help migrating wikis with moving their images to their platform. An image dump can be given to Miraheze, but they cannot help gather all images. Fandom Wiki also prohibits the automated scraping of images.
The Kuroshitsuji Wiki currently has over 6k images.
So downloading and re-uploading them all manually is off the table. (I uploaded a great many images to the wiki but not all of them, and I'm just one person orz)
If you move a wiki to wiki.gg, however, the wiki.gg staff moves all images for you.
I moved another wiki of mine to wiki.gg (Ron Kamonohashi Wiki), and all its ~1,600 images were moved (I did not expect this at all, honestly; I was fully prepared (though dreading) to reupload everything. In that case though, I had uploaded the vast majority of images (really, like 98%) myself anyway, so I didn't have to download them first). Only 32 images "broke" in the move and had to be re-uploaded which was fine.
(Videos are not moved as they are only "linked" to wikis anyway. There are not many on the Kuro Wiki in the first place though, so embeding them with a template is quickly done, like I did on my other wiki (example). Videos are often too large to be uploaded, so they need to be embeded instead.)
Secondly, Miraheze is known for server outages which can cause data loss. The Twisted Wonderland Wiki was affected by such an outage once when it was still at Miraheze. (They did not leave the platform for that reason, but because Miraheze nearly closed in 2023. (This, thankfully, did not happen in the end; still, the news caused quite the panic.))
Further, wiki.gg possesses a better SEO than Miraheze. The moving of a wiki's content is the "easy" part of a wiki migration. The difficult part is for the new wiki to beat the Fandom Wiki in search results and visibility because Fandom will not delete a wiki after its community has migrated.
(To the person who wrote they wish I can "cleanly remove myself from Fandom Wiki," that, sadly, cannot happen.)
(Source)
(The image is a bit outdated because wiki.gg now hosts non-gaming related wikis too.)
As you can see from the pictured table, one of the pros for wiki.gg is "best mobile experience."
And I have to say, it really is fantastic, omg. When I moved my other wiki, I did not look at its mobile version while I prepared for the re-launch; I only accessed it on mobile afterwards, and the gasp I let out when I finally did, I tell you...
Let's take two pages (a character page and the main/home page) from the RKDD Wiki as examples. (Templates are the same as on the Kuro Wiki.) I logged out before I took the screenshots.
On Fandom Wiki's mobile version, these pages look like this:
Advertisement before the top navigation already; ads at the bottom
Weird auto-playing video ad at the top of the character page
The "gallery" tag that is used in infoboxes to "tab" the images is broken
Ads between all the sections (note: "Durchfall" means diarrhoea, btw...)
The scrollboxes don't work, so all references are rolled out in full at the bottom of the page (there are 300+ refs! have fun scrolling)
The note references don't work and give out an error message
The quote template has become very ugly and reduced (the source of the quote, though given, is omitted on mobile)
The notice spoiler template was stripped of its colours and formatting (note: all templates that are categorised as "notice" are actually invisible for non-logged in users by default on Fandom mobile; you have to categorise them as "design" or so for them to be visible at all)
The main page on mobile is not the main page on desktop, and only shows you trending articles and categories; you have to click on "view full main page" a bit farther below to see the actual main page
If you do, you find broken code, e.g. a broken slider and a broken character portal template
To compare, the same pages on wiki.gg's mobile version:
Advertisement at the top of the page and at the bottom
No auto-playing video ad
The "gallery" tag in the infoboxes work
No ads between the sections
The scrollboxes work and contain the references
The note references work
The notice templates look just like on desktop
If you have references popups enabled on your wiki, the popups also work on mobile! (on Fandom, clicking on the ref on mobile will send you to the bottom of the page, even if popups are enabled)
The main page looks just like the desktop version
No code is broken on the main page, e.g. sliders and character portal templates work just fine and (mostly) look as they should
I also added a screenshot of how the site navigation looks like because I think it looks neat??
While Miraheze has no ads whatsoever which is great, wiki.gg does have ads, but only very few. (And only if you're logged out.) They're definitely not as invasive as on Fandom Wiki. There is an ad at the top of a page and another at the bottom. On desktop, there is one on the side too. That's it.
Example page from wiki.gg:
The same page on Fandom:
... Yeah.
(I had to turn off my adblockers and malwarebites for the ads to reappear on Fandom. And then the page froze :D The browser I opened the wiki on didn't die (I use it less frequently, so less adblockers to turn off) - but another browser I have open did???)
Because wiki.gg has only existed since 2022, it does not have all the MediaWiki extensions like Miraheze does. The wiki.gg staff is working on this though. I'm particularly excited about polls and discourse forums, two features Fandom Wiki killed in the last years (forums were replaced by the undercooked Discussions, and polls are more annoying to add to pages (they are embeded Discussion polls) and only logged-in users can participate in them).
Wiki.gg would be the first choice. In the off-chance my migration request is denied, Miraheze would be the second choice.
Migration schedule
You have to send in a request if you want to open a wiki on wiki.gg. I plan to do that in early January. Because the new wiki needs to differ from the old one so that Google doesn't mark it as a duplicate, new content has to be created and old content edited. I will start with that before I send in my request. (For example, I plan to do the much needed and long overdue story arc page overhauls. I only re-did the Public School Arc page so far orz)
After the request is (hopefully) accepted, the onboarding phase begins. If a wiki is "onboarding," only those with a password can edit it; it's not open to the public. This gives editors the time and opportunity to fix up pages and code so that everything would be (more or less) in place when the wiki becomes public. Onboarding lasts a maximum of 4 weeks, but you can ask your wiki to become public before the deadline too.
So, the new Kuroshitsuji Wiki would launch either in late January or sometime in February - right in time for Season 5 in April. (And for when the manga returns from hiatus; whenever that will be.)
To summarise, the preliminary schedule is as follows:
late December to early January: work on pages for the new wiki
early January: send in wiki request
January-early (mid?) February: onboarding period
late January/early (mid?) February: re-launch! the new wiki becomes public
If anything greatly changes, I will let you know. As soon as I get the onboarding deadline date (if the wiki.gg request is accepted), I will be able to provide a better schedule.
----
I think that's it for now? I hope I haven't forgotten anything important. Thank you for reading all that! And merry Christmas and happy holidays!
If you have anything to add or want to ask a question, please feel free to do so.
#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji: public school arc#kuroshitsuji season 4#ciel phantomhive#sebastian michaelis#kuroshitsuji: emerald witch arc#kuro wiki migration
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https://www.tumblr.com/museaway/746766290005508096?source=share
2,3,4,7,8,9,10,14,16,17,19,22,24,25,26,28
-🤔
[Warning: This is stupid long. Yikes.]
2. Character’s POV being explored:
Oops. My Incorrect Quotes don’t really have a POV. 😅 I think at most, I’ve explicitly removed a character from the end of a couple, to emphasize the joke through only the remaining character’s dialogue.
3. Feelings about current WIP:
I’m not happy with the end, so it might just sit there for a few more days until I figure it out.
4. Unwritten story idea:
I have a very rough outline of an actual fic! Future Wenclair, post college. It’s… super dark. Just a torrid angst spiral from Enid’s POV, where she begins to unwittingly choose her work and social life over her wolf and Wednesday, with terrible consequences.
I put it together last year, before I actually started writing anything. It’s unlikely to see the light of day, because I honestly don’t have the energy, attention span, and sequential periods of uninterrupted free time to try writing anything in long format. 😢 Maybe someday!
7. Preferred writing font:
Something san serif. I’d prefer one with a bit more letter spacing, but I’m stuck with Tumblr’s default font, Favorit-Tumblr.
8. If I had to sequel one:
Probably this old one, about Wednesday and her pet blog. I have ideas about reblogs and blog reproductive cycles.
9. Elapsed time for the last one:
Today’s took maybe 10-15 minutes from start to posting. I needed something short since I wanted to do my daily post before answering this Ask. My notes only read “Hard to swallow” and it basically wrote itself. It took just as long to find the right animated gif as it did to write it out. 😅
10. Longest rest for a draft before completion:
Intentional rest? I guess this one at 5-ish days, where the gang takes turns answering the question: What’s the best thing about dead bodies? I just wasn’t feeling the gang’s banter, so put off fiddling with it until it felt interesting again.
There’s normally scant delay between writing and posting. If I’m lucky, I might have 1 or 2 completed IQs waiting to be posted. I try to post at least 2 per day and I’m terrible at not posting one the moment it’s completed, so… yup. 😒
14. Inspiration source:
Primarily the fandom! I wouldn’t be able to write these if I hadn’t first read so many Wenclair fics that parodying the characters became possible. I really do rely on the community-created tropes and personalities to act as the skeleton upon which meaty puns are anchored.
16. Favorite place to write:
In my home office during work hours, where I can go mostly undisturbed, have a super comfy Steelcase Leap to relax in, music, and a tablet at the ready.
Yes, work hours. I tend to do my job quickly and well, but nothing gets those creative juices going better than having something else you should be doing. 😅
17. Writing and editing process:
Idea? Jot it down. Keep a list. Time to write? Check ideas. Pick one that looks fun. Write it. Nothing interesting? Uh. Do one of the following:
Look through animated gifs of dogs doing derpy things for wolf Enid (tedious AF)
Search idioms based on words that Wednesday can take too literally
Wonder what would piss off Bianca > Yoko > Weems > other character (ordered by favorite)
Think up a bad joke for Enid to tell Wednesday so she gets mortifyingly aroused
Find slang for Wednesday to misinterpret
If all else fails, dive into that gutter humor 😬
Etc?
With an idea in hand, I just start writing it out straight in the Tumblr app. Totally rawwolfing it. When it’s done, I review and check for (and fail to find) errors. Sometimes I’ll run it by my SO, who isn’t a Wenclair fan, but can confirm if a joke makes sense.
After that, I tag and release the thing into the wild, so it may derp free of my fragile little skull.
19. Most interesting fic-related research topic:
The historical material composition of hanging nooses and the strength differences between traditional hemp and modern Manila hemp, which is actually made from a specific Filipino banana tree as opposed to Cannabis plants.
All that for a joke about thread count. 😗
22. Worries about public reaction and how to get past it:
It hasn’t really come up. Honestly, I’m just happy that people read my stuff and can enjoy a laugh. It helps that I haven’t received much criticism, but I’ve also worked for years in a graphic design-related field that forced me to be able to produce (often dumb) fruit even when in an inhospitable environment near barren of sincere appreciation and/or constructive criticism. 😬 Kinda like a creative extremophile.
For advice to get past it? Keep at it. Find your audience(s) if you care to and focus on them. Keep in mind what you enjoy about the hobby and nurture that sucker. Learning how to shrug off negativity takes experience, but when in doubt, take a break! It’s a hobby, and even if it may at times feel otherwise, remember that it does not define you.
24. Recharge method when not creative:
Reading Wenclair fics and listening to audiobooks. I always have a book queued up and jump between fantasy, urban fantasy, lit rpg, cozy fantasy, sci-fi, bio-terrorism thrillers, queer romance, queer horror, and queer coming-of-age. 😅
25. Hobbies other than writing:
Drawing and semi-regular D&D. There’s other stuff I haven’t had time to enjoy lately, like computer games, clay sculpting, mask making, dancing, juggling, fire spinning, etc.
26. Writing around others:
I am always around others outside of work, so I make do. It’s usually fine, unless said others are those who are prone to toddling. Trying to write around one of them is often a lost cause. 😭
28. Least favorite part of the writing process:
For me, it’s transcribing posts from Tumblr to AO3. Particularly posts with a lot of styling, like small text and Chat. Not everything copy/pastes 1-to-1 and some chapters have to be manually edited as html, which is stupendously tedious doing on the phone. And if it has an image? Uuughghghh. 😖
OMG I’m done! I’m free! FREE! FR—
#wenclair#my fics#my fanfic writing#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#writer thoughts#writing struggles#answered asks#asks answered#asks#not an incorrect quote
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Scars, a DNF Fic
okay guys this took forever to write, and I'm still not sure how to format this stuff in Tumblr, but here we go!! 2.9k words!
George always wondered why Dream only wore hoodies and long sleeves.
TW: Language, mentions of self harm, suggestion of Alcohol
Everyone has scars. Either mental or physical. And George knows this well. Not so much the physical part, as his few scars are from stupid childhood shticks and mosquito bites. He never really went outside or did anything stupid. He preferred to stay inside and play games with Dream, his best friend.He and Dream met ages ago, but now that they finally live together with Sapnap, George has been noticing some things that he never saw before. Mostly because he didn’t know what Dream had looked like for years, but he recently has been noticing that Dream doesn’t wear short-sleeved shirts. Always hoodies, mostly merch from his friend’s channels. But even when he first came out to meet George when the two first met in real life, he still had long sleeves. Which annoys George for some reason. He wants to know everything about Dream. Not in a love way, George doesn’t love Dream. At least he thinks so.
So while Dream is out shopping with Sapnap, George stays back, frustratedly flopping onto a couch. He had tried literally everything he could think of to get Dream to take his hoodie off. Including turning the heat up in the house. Which only led to Sapnap complaining and walking around shirtless for an hour. But not Dream.
He groans and tosses his head back, only to be immediately whacked in the face with a tail. Spitting hair out of his mouth he turns to glare at Patches. But he can’t stay mad at that face. Especially since that’s Dream’s cat…..
He picks Patches up and ignoring her annoyed grunts, stares her in the eyes.
“What is he hiding?” He mumbles to the cat, like she’s going to tell him.
Patches blinks, swats him in the face and jumps off the couch to go do cat things. George sighs. He knows it’s weird. Like, why does he care so much about seeing Dream’s arms? It’s not like he finds Dream attractive, or has a thing for arms. He just wants to know. Right?
He jumps up as the main door opens. He hadn’t even heard the car! Sapnap walks in with a pineapple for some reason and Dream follows behind him. In a hoodie with Bad’s logo on it.
George sighs. ‘Of course’ he thinks.Then flushes, did he sigh out loud?
Dream looks at him. “Did you finish editing?” He asks in that stupid, idiotic, not at all deep, definitely not attractive voice of his. George blinks. “Uhhhh” he trails off. Dream rolls his eyes. “I’m not doing it for ya George. You’re not conning me into it again!”
Sapnap’s voice echoes from the kitchen. “He’ll do it George! You know he’s too much of a simp to say no”
Dream jumps over the couch and runs at Sapnap. “Take that back idiot!” He says, bear hugging Sapnap and picking him up off the floor. George watches with an amused face, used to the two of them fighting. He knows Dream doesn’t like him like that. He watches as Dream tosses Sapnap onto the couch like a doll, his mind flashing to thoughts of how strong Dream must be, and what his muscles look like…..
His face flushes and he smacks his head lightly, ‘Stop thinking about him like that George! That’s your best friend!’ He says to himself internally.
But the thought is still in his head. ‘you two kissed already remember? And you liked it’ George internally yells at himself. It was New Year's Eve, and being high on exhilaration from finally being together and a bit tipsy on champagne, had resulted in a hug and soft peck that wasn't spoken of again. George didnt like thinking about that.
Eventually they get up, go through the routine, his thoughts spiraling like this rollercoaster him and Dream had gone on together, Dream’s arm wrapped around his waist for balance. ‘dammit george’
They eat dinner together like always. For some reason Fundy ends up calling Sapnap after, so it ends up being just George and Dream for a few hours. George keeps everything normal, talking about a chat he had with Puffy and Tommy and Wilbur’s latest stream, a reaction to an upcoming movie. It’s about ten when Dream gets up, motioning to his room. “Gonna go change” he says. George nods, denying his quickening pulse. It’s risky, what he wants to do, but they’re best friends, nothing could go wrong!
He sits and mulls for a while.He can hear Sapnap’s muffled conversation from his room, talking about some anime character or other, but he walks past his door, not chiming in. Instead he walks up to Dream’s door. His pulse is fast, faster then when he plays for MCC. Maybe not as fast as when he stepped out of Sapnap’s Tesla and saw Dream, the sun raining around his face and broad shoulders, making him look like a god, handsome and beautiful and…..
He ignores that thought, squares his shoulders, and pushes open Dream’s door. The heat hits him in the face first, Dream”s bathroom door open, steam billowing from it into the room. George swallows thickly. This feels different then his normal curiosity. But things with Dream have been different lately anyways.
He pushes all thoughts out of his mind and peers around the bathroom door. His best friend is standing in front of the mirror, fiddling with his phone, his hair wet. There's a towel around his shoulders. George follows down every line of muscles, making it down to his basketball shorts, where the edge of his boxers peek out. His face is red and his pulse is definitely faster then that first meeting now. His thoughts are racing so fast he can't even make out a coherent one except ‘whoa’
His eyes catch a twisted scar on Dream’s leg, and some nicks on his arms. He can't see his right shoulder yet, but he longs to.
And then Dream looks up.
‘god George you're such an idiot’ is what races through his mind at first then, ‘could my face get any redder?’ One glance in the mirror says that it can. He nervously meets Dream’s eyes.
“George?” He says, in a confused tone, turning to him.“Shit shit shit sorry Dream I just-” He cuts off seeing Dream’s right shoulder. He lets out a small gasp and steps forward, all thoughts of embarrassment rushing from his head, only focusing on the multitude of purple, and white parallel scars going down Dream’s shoulder to his forearm. A tentative finger reaches out and brushes along one.
“Dream?” He says softly. “What-?” Dream is the one to turn away this time, his hand reaching for his hoodie which is hanging in the back of the door. George catches his wrist, his small fingers encircling it.Dream’s eyes flick up to his. “George” his voice is small, sad, broken, “don't do this. It doesn't matter anymore, they're old, its-”
“That does matter!” George’s heart throbs with pain. His eyes flick across the scars, counting in his head. ‘twelve’ he notes. He sighs. He can't- can't just do that. His eyes were so pleading.
He sighs. “What's that one from?” He points at the scarred over gash on Dream's leg.
Dream blinks. “W-what? I thought you- umm I was geocaching and I fell into some quicksand. I was with my girlfriend and sister and I had to pull myself out alone cause they weren't there. A stick caught. Why are you-”
George cuts him off, ignoring the weird sting from Dream saying the word ‘girlfriend’ that can't be jealousy. Why would he be jealous of Dream having an ex girlfriend?
“And that one?” He says pointing towards what looks like a skinned knee that never healed.
Dream swallows. “Uh there was a spider in my car and I jumped out of it, but my sister was still in the car and I hadn't put it into park so it was rolling away” A faint smile crosses his lips. “I had to jump into the car and stop it. Skinned my knee real bad”
Before George can think, he reaches out and traces a small little pucker on Dream’s bare chest. He pulls back with a gasp as what he just did hit him. ‘Goddamnit George! Why are you acting like this??’
He puts on a small smile. “I- uh- what is that one from?”
He didn't notice that Dream’s muscles tensed up at his touch, that the taller man’s face had turned a slight shade of pink.
“Uh y’know those like little blowtorch things that you can make with a lighter and hairspray?”
George sighs. “Seriously?”
Dream cracks a small smile. “It was worth it! It was really cool!”
George's smile slowly turns back into a soft, but serious expression again. “And those?” he says, resisting the urge to trace all twelve of those white/purple lines.Dream fidgets with his hands before pushing past George to go sit on his bed. George's face heats up again as his shoulder brushes against Dream’s bare skin. He follows behind him, watching as Dream tosses his towel onto the floor and sits on his bed, head in his hands.
All George wants to do is put his arms around him, like they do all the time, but something is different now. “Look, Dream. Look at me?” He says softly. Dream raises his head. His eyes are red, bleary. George hadn't noticed before but Dream looked tired today. There's a faint faint laugh from Sapnap’s room. He must still be on call with Fundy. George gathers himself, his racing thoughts starting to evolve into a headache, and sits down next to Dream. “We can just sit for now? Okay?”
He says, making sure not to touch Dream, even though he badly wants to.
Dream nods, his wet hair flinging cold droplets all over George. George shivers as they hit his skin, but he shakes it off. “So- uh- I’m sorry I kinda barged in on you changing” He starts to say slowly. “Yeah why did you? Did you need something?” Dream says, raising his head out of his hands. His chest is still bare, and George flicks his eyes away quickly, realizing he’d been tracing his abs and v-line with his gaze. His face turns red again and he coughs to cover up a small sigh. “N-no I had just been realizing that, uh, you only ever wear long sleeve stuff, and I wanted to see why” he admits. “Sorry that’s weird”
Dream smiles softly. “You could’ve just asked. I would’ve told you.” His face falters. “Maybe. I don’t know. I trust you”
They sit there in silence. Dream’s leg bounces up and down rapidly and he fidgets with his hands. George doesn’t say anything. He knows it’s hard for him to sit still.
There’s a yell from outside.“GEORGE!” It’s Sapnap, bellowing from the living room. George glances at Dream again. “I- i should go see what he wants-” He says awkwardly. Dream looks down at his hands. “Yeah. I guess you should.”
He says quietly. George stands up and walks out, not looking back even though he wants to, so bad. His heart is breaking.
“What Sapnap?” He asks, stepping into the living room where Sapnap lounges on a couch with an X-box controller in his hands. Sapnap starts rambling on about how this game that he plays is coming out with an update and that’s why Fundy called him, and he’s gonna be so mad if they get rid of this one feature. George listens, fumbling with the chain around his neck that Dream had given to him ages ago. He still hadn’t taken it off. Sapnap breaks off and squints at his shirt.
“Why is your shirt wet? You didn’t take a shower” He states. George winces. “Oh, uh Dream took a shower. From his hair”
Sapnap pauses, then a grin spreads across his face. “God the media would kill to know that. DNF for life baby!” He says, pumping his fist into the air. George sighs.
“Are you kidding? That’s so old! We all know Dream doesn’t like me like that. We’re just….. best mates.” Those words tasted bitter as he said them, which was weird as hell. He doesn’t love Dream! Not like that!
Sapnap rolls his eyes. “Gogy, gogy, gogy.” He says, standing up and putting his hands on George’s shoulders. “He looks at you like you’re his whole universe. I love you man, and as much as I would complain about third-wheeling everything, god could you two just kiss already? Like holy shit guys c’mon! Y’all considered getting married!”
George’s face flames, though he doesn’t know if it’s anger or embarrassment. ‘Embarrassment? I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about’
“I-I mean yeah but that was only so i could get a visa- and” He’s fumbling words, trying to explain himself.
Sapnap sighs. “Go to him” Sapnap says dramatically, “Go to your dream man. Geddit? Dream, man?” He laughs. George rolls his eyes, his face aflame. “Real funny” he turns away from Sapnap and almost runs back down the hallway to Dream’s room.
“Dream?” He asks softly as he walks in. Dream is still sitting on his bed, but he had a white T-shirt on. ‘Which somehow makes him look even better then shirtless, and shut the hell up George.’
He shakes his head and sits next to Dream, his shoulder brushing his, which makes his whole body go hot again. ‘damnit George’
“Sorry about Sapnap he was talking about some game and-” George's voice cuts off as Dream thunks his head onto his shoulder. George lets out a little gasp. Which is so weird. ‘We used to be so close like that all the time. But now I can't stop seeing Dream….. differently. And shut up George this isn't about you!’
He balls his hands into fists, drums them on his legs for a few beats and makes up his mind. He slowly reaches up and slides Dream’s right shirt sleeve up. He definitely notices now that Dream’s muscles tense, and his breathing quickens. ‘that doesn't mean anything right? Just best mates’ He assures himself.
“I don't know what to say” He admits eventually.
Dream sighs, and raises his head up, and George falls into his eyes. He shakes his head and snaps himself out of his trance. Dream starts to talk. “Look, George.” He starts with, George's heart starting to pound in his ears, “those first few months after the face reveal were um…. rough.”
He pauses. “And I was kind of alone then. Sapnap was in England and I was just here. Alone.” His words start to get faster, more frantic. “And I got in my head and I didn't know what else to do and it was just over and over again-” George lightly traces the scars as Dream keeps rambling. “And I know it was stupid, so so damn stupid because I just am a stupid fucking clown that messes everyth-”
George kisses him.
And it's wonderful. Just a soft kiss. But it was George’s first kiss ever (that he counts) and he didn't expect it to be like this. It was soft and simple, but George could swear that he feels Dream lean into it a little, as Dream’s long curly hair brushes his face, as his nose touches his. He pulls back and sees something, something in Dream’s eyes.
His face flushes bright red, the reddest it's ever been, his neck and ears hot as he looks down at the ground. “Sorry” he mumbles. ‘why am I so stupid with emotions!? He obviously didn't want that I seriously just messed up’
“George…..” Dream says softly. George looks down at the ground, clenching his hands into fists in his lap. “S-sorry Dream it won't happen again I didn't mean to-”
And this time it's Dream that cuts him off.
This kiss is longer, a bit deeper, more intimate. George feels Dream’s hand wind itself around his neck and into his hair, holding his head in place. He can't believe this is happening and normally he'd be way overthinking this but his head, his head was empty. None of the worry or thoughts of anything.He tentatively puts his hand on Dream’s chest, feeling his warm skin through his T-shirt, the strength that Dream holds. It breaks off and George looks up, a bit out of breath.
“I- uh. How long have you-?”
Dream smiles, “Since the best friend quiz” he admits, scratching the back of his head. “Been wanting to do that for a while”
George starts to laugh. “Dreammmmm!!” He says. “Seriously!? I've been stressed about that for ages!” His voice turns a bit more serious. “But promise me something?”
There's a heartbeat of silence. “Yeah?” comes the reply.
“If you ever…… wanna do that again,” George’s hand slides up Dream’s arm, settling in the spot where his sleeve covers the scars, “talk to me?”
“The kissing? Cause I'll be talking to you all the time then?” Dream says with a mischievous smile. George turns red again and covers his face with his hands.
“Shut up. You know what I meant.”
Dream laughs. “Fine, fine. Yes. I promise Georgenotfound that I'll talk to him if I ever feel shitty again. That work?”
“It does” George says.
“God finally” says a voice from the doorway. Sapnap stands there, eating a bag of chips. George buries his face in his hands again as Dream lunges off the bed to slam the door shut in Sapnap's face. There's a muffled shout of indignation and “we gonna have to set some ground rules now!! Hands above the lap gentlemen” yelled through the door and some wild laughter as he walks off.
Dream fidgets again before he pulls George’s hands off his face, the cool metal of his ring brushing George’s fingers.
Dream looks a bit nervous, and George's brain goes into panic mode. “What?” He asks.
“No! No no no nothing's wrong sorry George” Dream says quickly. “I just uh had been writing a new song.”
George tilts his head. “Really?”
“Um yeah. So uh can I play it for you?” He looks like a nervous puppy afraid of the response.
“Of course!” George says, basically vibrating with excitement. He did love Dream’s music. It was like the only thing he listened to now. He even listened to it in the shower and- ‘now is not the time George’
Dream had got up and turned a dial on his speaker system, the one thing he spoiled himself with. Music comes through, soft at first, then growing.George takes Dream’s outstretched hands and stands, leaning his forehead against Dreams’.
🎶 “I can't breathe when you're not there, you're not there, you're not there. I can't sleep it's a nightmare” 🎶
#my fic writing#dnfblr#dnf fic#dreamblr#george not found#dreamnotfound#dream#sapnap#dteamblr#twwth#panic attack
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hiii, is everything alright? didn’t hear you for a long time
My current state:
I’m doing okay-ish, thank you for asking lovely!! I’m just so swamped with work, it’s insane. This year I’ve officially started working full-time (for free, though) as a dentist & surgeon at the university hospital, so now I have 12 hour shifts pretty much every day. When I get home, I write my commissions (which I took up because my stupid ass university demanded a ridiculous sum for tuition fees), listen to lectures, and study too. I’m pretty much being put into a blender every day😭😭😭
I haven’t stopped writing, actually!! It just takes up too much time to edit my fics/SMAUs into properly-formatted posts on Tumblr, so—for the time being, until my workload lessens!—I just stick to emailing them to my commissioners and occasionally posting them on Twitter. When things clear up a bit, I’ll be back to posting everything on here!! I’ve written LOADS of stuff since then🥰🥰
I hope you’re doing ok nonnie!! Have a great week🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
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So, I am not in the TGS fandom anymore, but I am currently exanimating my Fake Kidnapping fic (A Moment of Glory, which can be found on tumblr and ao3) under a microscope as I am actually writing my first book at the moment and AMOG turned out to be an entire book. So, now, a little over 3 years since I wrote it, I have some stats for yall.
AMOG is 96,868 words long, which means that it is;
Twice, and almost thrice, as long as books like The Great Gatsby, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.
In the top 10 longest TGS fics (as of now on AO3)
A decent bit into the Novel category of book lengths. -
It is, with proper book formatting, around 202 pages long (times new roman 11p and 1.5 spacing).
The average chapter length is 6919 words (nice) and 14.5 pages.
As of now, at least 4300+ people have read AMOG on AO3 which is a little daunting. I don't think I have ever met that many people irl.
It is my most popular fic in turns of hits, comment threads, and subscriptions, with only Truths Be Told taking the #1 spot with kudos and bookmarks.
It is the 15th fic I ever published, which is at the moment 10 fics ago.
On tumblr, the entire series got 217 notes, and on AO3, it got 179 kudos.
I started writing it on July 4th 2021 and opted to write everything before I published anything. The first chapter was published July 15th (also 2021), so it took me about 11 days to write the entire thing.
I did also edit it a bit as I published. Old readers will know that it was once named something akin to "Shattered Mirrors and Bloodstained Feathers".
To this day I have absolutely no fucking idea what possessed me to write AMOG and all I have now is bragging rights.
#i was supposed to write my book but i got too fascinated with the stats. and here i am. 1 hour later#tgs#the glass scientists#tgs fic#tgs fanfic#the glass scientists fic#the glass scientists fanfic#tgs au#the glass scientists au#fake kidnapping au#tgs fake kidnapping au
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🪄Cedric The Sorcerer merch, art and official stuff - Masterlist (incomplete)🌌
That's the new version of the post. The previous one was (accidentally) deleted by me, and this one here is more updated and organized.
I wrote a complete part two post about this post here (searching for Cedric stuff), and it was all very genuine because I was writing down my opinions while looking for more content, so there were my reactions for having found incredible content, art that I had been looking for for a long time, books games and more. I did this research the whole day (of course, taking some breaks and also doing my personal tasks) and finished the post at midnight, but when I posted it, Tumblr deleted the post for no reason. I think maybe it's because there was a bug on the post, because I only had two drafts (this post and one more) and in quantity it said it had 5. Even though I tried to contact Tumblr support, they didn't solve my problem :( so I decided to redo the blog just with the data I found, more organized and also a masterlist of the illustrations I found on Tumblr. (I still want to share the things I found but I don't want to rewrite my reactions, because it won't be genuine anymore)
I did this research myself, so it's likely there are still items off the list that I didn't include. Or there is media that Cedric is in, but that has not been published on the internet and I didn't found anywhere. The content of the magazines for example is so damn hard to find.
After that day, I continued searching all over the internet. I would say this research took around a week or two. And I decided to put everything I found into a big masterlist to share with other people too, so I made this post.
As over time I will continue editing this post and adding more links, you need to remember that when a post is reblogged, the version it was in when it was reblogged will be the version present on the profile of the person who reblogged it. If there are updates, the most recent versions will not appear on that person's profile, so it's a good idea to always check if I have added any more links. Here I will leave the link to the post on my blog, so you can know if there have been any changes.
As always, I will be very grateful to those who have access to this material and can share it with me, so that I can add it to the list, or who have found a link with content that was left out of the post. I'll be very grateful to add it to the list and I'll give you credit. You can send it to me through comments, asks or messages. I will add the link and @ of your blog :)
If you only have images please put them in a post and send the link to me, because we can only add 10 images per post and I have already added too many images in the masterlist :)
You can access the links to the products/media/stuff by clicking on the colored texts (not on the titles, as the titles are just decorative). I'll divide the links into topics so they don't get mixed up.
Sometimes the same book or the same product has multiple links because in one link there are some images and in the other there are others. It could be due to the difference in quality of images from one site to another or because one link has images that the other does not have, about the same product. I will list these links in yellow.
Let me know in the comments if any link doesn't work.
~This version of the post is a REPOST. I accidentally deleted the other post, but fortunately I had a backup in my notes app. I knew that if I lost this post all my hard work would be destroyed too, so at each update, I also did the same update here. I got so mad because I deleted when I was trying to add a new link. What makes me pissed is having to organize in the Tumblr format (with the colored text and everything), but at least the links and the text are still saved. I also added new links.~
~If you want, you can delete the old post from your profile if you reblogged it before I deleted it. It is no longer useful and is the outdated version, plus I may end up getting confused with the two posts. Forget about the old post and focus on this new one ;) ~
23/may/2024 edit: I was going to edit the post and add more concept art links and I was notified that I have reached the link limit per post (100). I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore, since this masterlist is incomplete and CAN'T be completed because Tumblr doesn't allow me to. I'm thinking about making a post for each one of these topics and get their links to make a masterlist of them. But oh God this will be extremely exhausting to do. This post is reblogged in a lot of people's blogs already, I'll make a mess. Let me see what I can do. For now I'll keep the post the way it is.
21/july/2024 edit: I'm gonna be removing some dead links (links that don't work anymore and brings us nowhere) to add some concept arts/storyboards and the stf magazine masterlist I did some days ago.
Let's go to the list.
✨️Concept Art:
This section is incomplete since new concept art is always being discovered.
Model sheets by Connor Flynn (and more artists in the other drawings, I believe)(my favorite concept art)
Model sheets by Connor Flynn (Cedric and Wormwood concept arts)
Carol S. Berkeley Concept/Official art
Cedric and Wormwood Character Descriptions
‼️ Sofia The First series bible (pitch bible) (I was afraid of it turning into lost media so I also uploaded this in my blog, in two parts. Since we have a link limit per post I won't add them here, but if in the future this turns into a dead link, you can find it pretty easily by searching for "bible" or other keywords in my blog)
🪻Storyboards:
Once Upon A Princess third/fourth Cedric scene storyboard (+Goodwyn was there for some reason. He got scraped and added to "Cedric's Apprentice" later on)
Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (Cedric in his undies lmao)
Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (same as the above, but more content and in the original artist's website)
The Amulet Of Avalor - Get That/My Amulet storyboard (this specific link can only be accessed through the Wayback Machine website. It works for me, but some people said that it didn't worked for them. I also uploaded these in my blog in case you can't access this link.)
The Floating Palace storyboard (sea monster Cedric)
The Winter’s Gift episode storyboards (Cedric and Sofia's hug)
The Leafsong Festival storyboard (Cedric's design it's different, which is weird... maybe it was made before Once Upon A Princess)
Through the Looking Back Glass - Magic Touch storyboard (Cedric's hair looks so cute! This whole artstyle is so sweet)
The Enchanted Feast - All You Desire storyboards (originally called "Anything You Want")
🪄Storybooks (introduction):
The content of the books can be easily found on YouTube by searching for "Sofia The First read-along book", as many people record videos of themselves reading the books to children. Although we can see the arts, they are usually not in the best quality, so I found some scanned illustrations on Tumblr.
Usually the storybooks have the same stories as the episodes, so Cedric will be present in the books corresponding to each episode he's in. Except for the book Royal Sleepover (He's not there) and Holiday In Enchancia (He's present on a page, but not present in the episode). When You Wish Upon A Well is not posted on YouTube, so it was not found with all the pages and is difficult to find.
—
💫Sofia The First Storybook Theater App:
It's an interactive reading mode that existed inside the Disney Junior app. We don't know if there are more interactive books besides these recorded and posted on YouTube.
Sofia The First (introduction book)
The Floating Palace
🌙Storybook scanned pages:
(I won't include the YouTube videos because then can be found easily)
There are variations from the Cedric's Apprentice book: Sofia's Magic Lesson, Cedric Gets Help, "Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia" and Magic Class (He's not in this one). There's also the japanese version of this same story.
Cedric Gets Help read-along video (because it's hard to find)
Japanese Cedric's Apprentice
Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia
Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Ser Princesa
From the book Sofia The Second
From the book Amulet Of Avalor
From the book The Enchanted Feast
Only one from the book Two Princesses And A Baby (little golden book edition)
One small illustration from Two Princesses And A Baby
From the book Royal Mouse In The House + Two Princesses And A Baby
Mix from Enchanted Science Fair and When You Wish Upon A Well
Mix from The Perfect Tea Party, Magical Match and Amulet And The Anthem
Welcome to Royal Prep (MUSHROOM CEDRIC AAaa)
🌠Merch/Activity Books:
Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Insta)
Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Pin)
This book "Annual 2015" along with a magazine confused me a lot. I found illustrations from this book, but they matched illustrations from a magazine comic, which left me very confused because I didn't know what was from which book. After finding a video on YouTube with pictures of the whole magazine, I was able to separate which illustration was from which book. You can find this specific magazine in the magazines section below. Let's go on with the book list.
Sofia The First - Sparkling - Sticker Dress Up (dress Sofia and her royal friends)
Same book, but dress up Cedric
Same book, but Cedric is in a dress
Same book, but dress up Cedric + Baileywick and Roland
— Okay, now we can go on with the rest of the books :)
Sofia The First Magic Sticker Book (Korea)
Sofia The First Deluxe Sticker Book (we have Wormwood here, and both Cedric and Wormwood have heart stickers! And Cedric wears a green robe!)
Sofia The First look and find book
Sofia The First Clay Buddies
S Is For Sofia (ABC book)
Personalized book (you can add your kid's name)
Sticker book "treasury" (NEW CEDRIC STICKER - there's still content from this book that Cedric is featured but I couldn't find it anywhere)
Compilation of Cedric in the coloring books
Unknown source (Cedric with his concept art teeth)
🌟JAPANESE Merch/Activity books:
Japan needs a whole separate topic because they have their own producs, magazines, even the aesthetics change
Found a lot of romantic c*dfia traumatizing content...
And at least a good thing: a japanese sofia the first cookbook (for...children?)
I know that not everyone is just part of the "Cedric fandom" like me. I know that there are people who genuinely wants to search for STF content and not only Cedric, and the advice I give to find these things is to write "princess sofia magazine" in Google Translate and translate to Japanese, and then you copy it to the clipboard and search on Google. You will find a lot of interesting stuff.
You can understand what is written in these books by downloading the image and putting it in Google Translate, image translation mode. Select Japanese language translating to English, and translate by image. The app will write in English on top of the Japanese texts so that you can read them. You need to download the image to do this, as it needs to be in your gallery! Or it's an image on Google images and you click on the camera symbol below it -> translate. I use my cellphone, so I don't know how it works in desktop mode. There must be tutorials on the internet about it.
In the Amazon links, sometimes the website don't always shows all the pics that the seller put to sell the product. To see them, don't just swip to the right when you enter the website, click on the image FIRST and then look through the pics. I think that counts for all the Amazon links.
(This one is a storybook) Sofia The First - once upon a princess story (you can read the preview on that big button and there's a Cedric illustration)
Sofia The First + Frozen Sticker Book
Sticker dress up magnetic bag
Sticker dress up book
Another sticker book
"Kisekae collection", japanese mini portable dress up bag
Did you notice that the photo of Sofia and Cedric on the cover has the ruby heart sticker? <3
Another japanese sticker book
Same japanese sticker book but more images
Lessons for becoming a princess (Disney picture book)
Flora painting Cedric's robe pink 😭😭
Little Princess Sofia Perfect Guide All stories published! (Gakken Disney Mook) *I just translated* Cedric is in the stickers (click on the image to see all)
Japanese learning english book? With a reading pen
Japanese learning words with little princess Sofia [NEW CEDRIC ILLUSTRATIONS]
Activity book (Cedric is in the stickers)
Activity book (Cedric is in a number card)
Japanese character encyclopedia (new pics) (click on the image to see all)
Japanese character encyclopedia (high quality images- not complete)
Magazine/book with new Cedric content, BUT there are new pics of the last "character encyclopedia" and bless this person on amazon, they did so much for us, thank you, thank you (click on the image to see all)
(That's all the same link I just played a little with the colors lol)
Magazine/book with game of fiding the seven errors with Cedric (click on the image to see all)
MAGAZINE WHERE WE CAN LEARN MAGIC TRICKS WITH CEDRIC!!!! (click on the image to see all)
Magazine/book with stickers (click on the image to see all)
Magazine that comes with pens and a small bag
10 stories (there's a part for describing the characters... but it's just a preview so you have to buy it)(that gray button is for reading the preview)
10 stories 2 (same thing as the last one)(that small button below the pic is for reading the preview)
"Princess Lession", probably an activity book
Another sticker+activity book
Unknown book (it's described as a comic, but I don't believe it is)
I found a website full of high quality images of japanese merch and books, some scanned pages and everything. But it redirected to adult sites. The site full of STF merch appears for a second and then several betting sites and mature content open, so to be able to get these images, I turned off my Wi-Fi before the adult site appeared and kept scrolling the page to see the images, then to go to the second part I would turn it on for a moment and turn it off again before the ads appeared 😭 it was very difficult but I got everything interesting that was there. Here are some:




🌌Magazines:
Some time ago I started to buy the STF magazines in my country to scan them and prevent them to be turned into lost media. I only own some of them but I was capable to upload them here on tumblr. Here is the post where you can access them:
The Day Of The Sorcerers magazine:
Random images + part of the comic
The Day Of The Sorcerers comic version
Snowman Cedric pic
"A Bit Of Magic" (name of the comic) magazine:
WHOLE MAGAZINE VIDEO: Activities and full comic
"A Bit Of Magic" comic (Once Upon A Princess/Cedric's Apprentice inspired story)
"A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (finally- that's not an "unknown source" anymore)
A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (previously nicknamed "Once Upon A Princess comic-like illustrations by me)
Another part of the "A Bit Of Magic" comic (that's the reused artwork I mentioned at the "annual 2015" book)
This is the comic I mentioned in the "Annual 2015" book part. The illustrations in this magazine are similar to those in the book and because I didn't have access to either of the two complete books, I couldn't understand which was which. Today I know because I found the video of the whole magazine.
Other magazines content (activities):
Intituled "Sofia The First Official Comic Issue 13 with free gift", but it can be called "Magic Helpers"
Sofia The First Royal Adventures - Join Sofia's Party!
"Another chance"/"Perfect spell"/"Magical Mishaps" (unknown source)
"A successful spell" (unknown source)
"A magic celebration" (unknown source)
"Secret Path" (unknown source)
"Pet swap" (unknown source)
"Our special talents" (unknown source)
Magazines' comics:
"Welcome to Royal Prep Academy!" Magazine (comic)
Same comic but different pics (previously an unknown source)
I had a screenshot here before I mentioned that I lost the source. But not that I found out it's source I discovered that it's not from a magazine! It's a sticker book that I already mentioned but I thought those were two different books!! The book I'm talking about is "Sticker Play - Royal Activities". // 21/july/2024 edit: now the link that bring us to that sticker book is a dead link. Lost media unfortunately :( I removed it from the masterlist
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🪞Magazine covers:
Sofia The First - Leading The Way (True Friendship/Cedric Takes Charge) [Day Of The Sorcerers Comic]

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (New Exciting Adventures!/The Power Of Being Nice)

Sofia The First - Leading The Way (Surprising Friends!/Visit Hexley Hall with Cedric!)

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (Indonesian: Selamat Datang di Pesta Sihir)(translation: Welcome to Magic Party) (sassy Cedric)

🌔Merch:
Panini stickers (from the Sofia The First - Collectible Sticker Album)
Panini sticker album — High quality stickers (I FINALLY FOUND THE DAMN STICKER ALBUM CARDS)
Panini sticker album — here we can see all of the pages. The quality is low but in other videos people don't show them all
Panini sticker album — complete (lmao this video)
Board game - Surprise Slides (conceptart-like Cedric illustration)
🐦⬛Games:
I have great news for you: I found a website called Numuki that still supports flash games. On this website you can play ALL the games I have listed below (except for Sofia's Enchanted Adventure. I thought it wasn't possible to play The Mermaid Princess either, but it just doesn't show up when you search for "Cedric", it shows up in similar game recommendations when you're playing a STF game). Just search for Numuki on Google and in the website's search bar search for "Cedric", and voilá, have fun.
I'm having trouble with the link limit per post, because I already reached 100 and I need more space to add other ones, like concept arts and storyboards. So instead of adding a link to videos about every game, I'll just link a private playlist I made on YouTube with videos to all these games (in the order that I mention them in the post) for you to access it more easily. Those colored titles of the games aren't links, okay?
This is the playlist link ✨️
A Spell for Mr Cedric
Cedric needs ingredients to make a spell that makes fireworks, so Sofia needs to get them for him.
Keys To The Castle
Sofia needs to go to the royal ball and Cedric locked the door with his magic. Now she needs to get the keys to go back to the ball. Cedric has a new 3d pose and is an enemy/npc that can "game over" your game (his walk is so funny). Plus we have Wormwood here. "Game over" at 04:50 min.
Sofia's Enchanted Adventure
Cedric turns into a lizard (a very cute and funny one, that doesn't show inside the episodes) and Sofia needs to help him turn back to his normal self.
The Curse Of Princess Ivy
Cedric has a new 3d pose and a small animation. This game is about catching Ivy's butterflies and you can play with Amber or Sofia.
Sofia's Card Catch
Matching game with Cedric. There was a previous version where Cedric was the sea monster instead of his normal self.
The Mermaid Princess
The Floating Palace game version. I'm not that familiarized with the english dub so I don't know if they reused the same voicelines from the episodes or not.
A Day At Royal Prep
This game is basically a collection of minigames based on the classes at the royal prep. Ironically, there is a "potions class", and Cedric apparently is the teacher... let's take the episode Substitute Cedric into consideration lmao.
A Starry Sleepover
A compilation of games from the Disney Junior app based on the episode "The Big Sleepover". Cedric is included in a minigame called "Hide and Seek" where the characters appear behind objects and the player must click on them. The narrator says "Watch out for Cedric, he's after Sofia's amulet!"
⚗️ Toys:
Cedric The Sorcerer figure — from the Sofia The First Deluxe Friends Pack
Cedric's workshop playset — from the Sofia The First Wizard School/Magic Lab Playset
Cedric's magic show tools — from the Sofia The First Magic Spells Bag
#cedric the sorcerer#cedric the great#cedric the sensational#sofia the first#sofia the fandom#merch#magazine#stf magazine#wormwood#princess sofia#storybook#doll#stf storyboard#stf concept art#wormwood the raven#essay
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Hello! I know you prolly have been asked about this a lot of time but can you give me a small guide/tips about how can one start writing, pretty please. Like hear me out okie
I have this idea alright, I know the characters, the basic storyline, maybe a pinch of plot but I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START- it's like whenever I am daydreaming everything is flowing so smoothly but when I sit down to actually write it down, boom! what was my name again? How can I not remember anything? How can I even start the story, it's always so confusing :( because whenever I try it just doesn't seem enough, so what's your process of writing, like how to put down/draft the idea? Also Idk how to post on Tumblr as someone who want's to start, like who/what should I tag and stuff. Ig I am a lost cause ಥ‿ಥ
Also I am sorry if I came out rude 😭I am genuinely so interested in writing but I just don't know where to start.
This only took me too fucking long to answer 💀
My writing process is a little chaotic and weird because it's what works for me. I've had to work with and against my ADHD and chronic pain in order to come up with ways that make writing possible, so some of this stuff may not work for you
My process goes roughly like this: daydream/get hit with inspiration from somewhere/something; write it down in my notes app on my phone, usually until I have a complete fic; transfer it over to a Google Doc (either by copy-pasting or re-typing it all word for word (depending on how much editing I think it needs)); format (I change it to font size 12 and set it to add a space after paragraphs); post
Writing in my notes app removes the "blank canvas" wall that I get when I sit down to write in a doc. And because it's on my phone and I can be laying down to do it, it also removes a lot of the strain on my hands and back. The majority of my fics lately have been entirely written in my notes and then just put into a doc for formatting purposes before posting, because I feel more motivated to work on them this way. I'll go over posting in a minute
But first, my first tip based on what you've said: Do NOT wait until you're sitting down to write, to write. If you get an idea, if you can, write it down right away. Whether that be on paper, a napkin, your phone's notes app - write it down. If you have the time for it, write down as much as you can (ie. descriptions, full sentences, an entire scene). Don't worry about the context for what you write, just write the thing as-is and add context later
Another tip along with this: Writing is much, much harder than daydreaming. Daydreaming gives you a full sensory experience built in; you can see everything that's happening, you can be there in the moment. But when writing, you have to build everything you see with words that never quite capture it perfectly. Daydreaming definitely helps, though! Most of my fics wouldn't exist if I hadn't imagined being in them beforehand lol But it's never going to really flow smooth from daydream to writing because of the nature of them both
As for crafting the plot of a story and like having an outline for it, I'm also awful about it. What helps for me, though, is laying out what I want to happen chapter by chapter. For my ongoing Dragon Sylus fic, for example, I wrote out what I wanted to happen in bullets, explaining as much as I needed to for future-me to understand what I have in mind or any random ideas I may be able to include. These aren't hard and fast guidelines, but they let me visualize better what needs to happen and if the story can get from A to B to C. For something like my Witcher fic (that I really need to finish one day 😭), I have entire docs with character notes, chapter layouts, potential plotlines, scrapped stuff from past chapters that I may be able to use in the future, etc. This can help keep more complicated or bigger project under some control
Which reminds me of my next tip: Do NOT delete anything! In the sense of like, writing paragraphs or even entire chapters that you decide you no longer want, don't delete them! Make a new doc or note or what-have-you and copy-paste them into it. A lot of the time, it can be repurposed later on, or even just give you ideas for other things to write
Now, posting! Since you asked specifically about posting on tumblr, I'll only provide advice on that, but I can give advice for AO3, too
Tumblr posting can be confusing and honestly threw me so far off when I first joined. To preface all of this, I highly recommend only posting fics when you're on desktop. I also recommend NOT writing your fics directly into tumblr and saving it as a draft. That's a disaster waiting to happen
For tagging, I follow a sort of pattern that I follow on most if not all of my fics. I tag them "fanfic" "fanfiction", followed by the character name(s), [character name] x reader, the fandom/show it's from, and because my fics label the gender of the reader, my last tags have that gender specified (ie. "gender neutral reader", "fem reader", "masc reader", etc). This is what works for me, and if you look at my tags on fics, you can sort of see my process and order of tagging things
Don't tag characters or ships that don't appear in the fic. Putting a story in a tag it doesn't belong will most likely get it marked for spam
It's a good idea to tag potential triggers if they come up. "cw spiders" or "tw spiders" for example. This way people who have triggers or phobias can filter out these things and be more aware. I also put warnings up top with all the contents of the fic (this used to just be only things I thought may be triggering and then I just started writing out my ao3 tags and that works better for me to know I'm being thorough)
Okay that was a lot and this took me so long to answer, but I hope it was a little helpful! If you have more questions, I'd be happy to answer them! (Hopefully within a more reasonable timeframe 💀)
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Catching up was a bit daunting, but that was compounded by the fact that, for some reason (probably because I haven't restarted in weeks), my laptop was running like molasses on pet rock in slow motion and I didn't want to restart it because I would lose my /chrono place ("Next" opens a new tab every time, so I didn't want to do that). So I aimed to just power through, but right after I reached your posts from mid-June, the tab crashed! So I took that opportunity shut it down and reboot. Definitely a faster experience afterwards. And even though I scrolled /chrono for ages to get back to where I was, it just stopped loading after a couple new posts! (YaY Tumblr! 😑) So I switched to using the Next links and just powered through until I was completely caught up. BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT!
There were a lot of things that made me laugh and awww and smile and want to give you a high five over, but I'll just list a few.
Loved Shalom's growth, physical and emotional.
Loved the sibling dynamics.
Loved Judge B's continued openness and willingness to really change her life to find balance with Coop.
'Soul to Table"
Vanessa and Harper: from slight rebound, to maybe something, to better off friends, to intentional life long friends and cheerleaders.
Glynis and Neeto.
The parents handling their child/ren's maturation.
"We got boundaries, cuz"
Loved the couples/parents who had long loving histories, but also loved the parents/couples who've had a rough go or needed a second chance with the same person or another. Really loved the Chen's backstory.
Sabrina & Coop's post-nuptial interview format!
The wealth of variety of event styles showcased during the Wedding Season arc.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many of the editing choices!
Sometimes when I take a break from things, I never pick them back up again because just the thought of catching up is overwhelming, but I knew that when I returned to simblr that wanted to catch up with my shows and I knew that because of your posting frequency, yours was going to be the biggest undertaking, but I truly enjoy your narrative style and the range of topics and situations you cover in your stories, so I figured, come hell or high water, I was going to do it. And I'm so glad I did! Thanx for continuing to share your creativity and cultural insight with us!
YOU ARE THE 🐐!!!
I am beyond amazed – know that I’m fully aware how much of an undertaking that was! And thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for doing it 😭😭😭
It’s just my little story; the one that keeps me sane, the one that gives me routine; something to promise myself that I’m gonna do every single day so that even the small days/the bad days have something good in them. 
Transparency: I’ve always felt guilty posting so much, but on the other hand, better here than filling up my brain day and day out. It’s been so helpful to have somewhere to put it.
My circle is small, and that’s how I like it; too much would be overwhelming. But knowing that people read and enjoy what I’m doing is astounding and incredible. Tumblr has kept me accountable when it comes to my writing, but watching you the last few days catching up post after post (and yes, I realize that it was an obscene amount ) is it feeling? I can’t even find the words for.
I’ll just stay with THANK YOU 🖤🤘🏾✨ so very much.
*I’m gonna run off and cry now *
#shesthespinstersimmer#storyteller#sims 4 story#destination: san sequoia#she read the whole thing y’all
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A heathen clung to piety

priest!gojo x reader - series masterlist
summary — everything about satoru gojo is pristine. from his charming looks, to his unblemished family name and his exemplary priesthood. because of that, attraction is nothing more than fuel for what you assume is a one-sided fantasy, a carefully kept secret you are content to keep deep within. but when you end up in his bed, the vows he broke end up cracking the surface of his immaculate facade and bringing forward the painful memories and the cruel truth of a tragedy all too familiar.
or, you find out the angel named Satoru Gojo may have fallen a long time ago, and that you might end up falling with him too.
chapter summary — with satoru’s return, a new arrival at the city and winter prevailing, you are forced to confront all you have been trying to run away from.
word count: 10k
Hello there! ฅ≽(•⩊ •マ≼ Thank you for your interest in reading! This has been in my drafts for some time, and in my mind for considerably longer. I have thought about Gojo a lot. And Priest Satoru Gojo spawned after playing with his canon counterpart like a Barbie, witnessing the talent of fandom creators and exploring a bit of my catholic memories. Let it be known that, funny enough, I have never experienced attraction towards a real-life priest and I don't think that day will come. Nonetheless, there's something about Gojo that has made his lil priest self my favorite plaything and that´s why I promised myself that, if I ever posted a fic again, I wanted him to do the honors. Excited to say that the day has finally come. I won't say much more here other than be mindful of the tags here, I will be updating them accordingly and letting you know if there is any specific thing you should keep an eye out for in the upcoming chapters. English is not my first language and I'm more than a bit rusty so it's a bit nerve-wrecking to put this out there /ᐠ ╥ ˕ ╥マ. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it ♡ (Might edit this chapter a bit in the near future) I'm new to tumblr so I apologize if the formatting looks a bit wonky, I´m still working on it
You don’t like winter.
It brings cold and sickness and painful memories with it. For you, the best part of it are the droplets of melting ice announcing its imminent departure and the first sightings of green peeking through the remnants of snow. Trees are still skinny and mostly naked, branches trembling at the wind, bending under the weight of the last snowfall but, between the leisure movement of a heavy cloud and the other, the sun has started to reach out with its lukewarm rays.
As you stand on the platform, you claim the only spot touched by the sun, though it does little to alleviate the stubborn reminder of a winter you would chase away if you could. The wind remains almost freezing cold, it makes you shiver and shut your eyes tight every time it slaps you in the face, every hit of air chafing your skin.
You mourn the scarf you left hanging at the rack back home. You were already two streets away when you realized you had forgotten it and you were quick to dismiss it in favor of catching the train on time.
Now you are here, with no scarf, a freezing frame and a train running late, because, of course, only Satoru Gojo would manage to be late even by train.
In fact, if a person could be blamed for making a train run late, it would probably be Gojo, somehow. Last time you took a train together, a few months back, you almost missed it because of him. He doesn’t have anyone to nag at him this time, so you can only hope he boarded on time, like he always seems to barely do.
This town needs an actual train station, you think, as you nuzzle further into your winter coat. There’s a little lobby next to the platform that is “closed for remodeling” because the administration had to choose the worst time of the year to modernize the cozy little lounge. The platform you are currently shivering on was renewed by the Gojo Family almost two years ago, upon the arrival of their heir. The outline and build of the little ticket booth attached to the side of the station is reminiscent of the village props you saw at The Nutcracker the winter before. It’s too fancy for such a little spot outside of a small town like yours, too opulent for a place that’s not used as much anymore, but it’s a nice view you appreciate. However, all the cutesy and intricate carving does next to nothing to shield you from the cold. You heard the Mayor refused the Gojos’ offer to donate a proper train station and you can’t help but resent him too. After all, his pride is costing you your body temperature.
You nuzzle further into your clothes, pressing yourself against the column at another hit of wind. When you first arrived, the nice lady at the booth had offered you a place inside while you waited, but the space was already cramped enough with just one person in it, so you had to politely decline. It might have been a good decision considering she is currently nursing a cigar and likely emitting more fumes than the train you are waiting for. Right now, you can barely see her silhouette through the window with all the smoke condensed into the little booth. You have the itch to tap on the glass to see if she hasn’t passed out. Maybe if she is still conscious you can walk back your decision and ask for a little place in there with only your nice perfume and healthy lungs to pay the price.
As you take a hesitant step towards the impromptu smokehouse, your attention is caught by a distant whistle, the telltale sound of a locomotive approaching. You perk up, waddling further into the platform to take a look as the sound of the machine gets louder. Indeed, the outline of the wine red train greets you between smog and frosty wind and you sigh, retreating once more to your waiting place.
“About time,” you huff.
Satoru left two weeks ago for a series of meetings with some higher ups from the Church. He called you every other day, mostly to nag or entertain himself.
You don’t ask too much about what goes in there nor does he go into detail, he only ever talks about them to complain. Sometimes you think he has caught on to how much you truly dislike most of them and you are the only person he can sincerely unload his grievances with.
As expected, only Satoru is getting off in this station. Your eyes meet through the window as he stands in the door waiting for it to open. His eyes widen for a second but crinkle immediately after as he smiles, all perfect teeth, mouthing something you can’t quite understand. You wave at him with a smile, cheeks feeling suddenly warm despite the cold.
You point at your wrist while you lift a brow but it’s hard to keep the stern expression when the uncomfortable fluttering in your stomach makes you nauseous.
You step back as the doors open and stand there, changing your weight from one foot to the other as he gets off, sturdy suitcase in hand. He doesn’t even take two steps into the platform before he leaves his luggage on the floor, gaze fixed on you. Someone that appears to be a young train worker, judging by the uniform, is trailing behind him with a bunch of boxes that Satoru ends up maneuvering in one hand after he places the suitcase on the floor.
Before the young boy can say something else, Satoru shoves one of the little boxes in his hands with a loud thank you. The boy blinks and bows his head awkwardly, a low expression of confused gratefulness escaping his lips as he retreats. You lift a brow at the display, your own confusion tampering with your smile but Satoru, as always, just returns it wholeheartedly, balancing the boxes on top of his luggage.
“I asked if you missed me,” he says in lieu of a greeting as he straightens up, bright blue eyes regarding you from above.
The color in his gaze somewhat softens thanks to all the white and the gray around. That’s probably how the blue of the seas in the frozen lands far away look like. He is all pale colors, a striking contrast to his black jacket and dark blue scarf and his pink lips. He rarely flushes, but there’s a pleasant blush in his chiseled cheeks from the warmth that hasn’t died down under the harsh wind. He speaks again. And you see the way his lips curl. They look soft and plump as they dance and mold to the words that your cottoned ears can’t quite catch: “…missed”
“I asked if you missed me”
“Huh?” is your elaborate reply.
Satoru’s grin evolves into a chuckle. It’s a pleasant sound that you indeed have missed . Other days, when he directs that sound towards you, you find the sound irritating enough to pretend it doesn’t cave a pit in your stomach. Not today.
Today he extends his arms, his wide form taking up the space with his broad back and his long limbs. You don’t think twice before sinking into him. You have missed him too much for your own good, you resolve, as he squeezes you so tight it steals a breathless huff of a laugh from you.
“Get off…”
Satoru chuckles too, a rumbling sound vibrating against your smothered cheek. His hands don’t go lower than your back, but the feeling of his fingers pressed against you through your clothes projects all over your body.
“Not before you answer,” he adds, against your temple.
“What?”
“If you miss me”
You gulp. It’s only the two of you between the cold and the fog on the platform. “I didn’t hear you say that at all.”
“But I did,” he retorts, leaning back just enough so your eyes meet, “And you still haven’t answered.”
He smells like warmth and caramel. He probably ate sweets onboard and the smell of it swirls along his fresh cologne. Not unpleasant, but sure overwhelming when it’s paired with those intense eyes looking at you.
“So?”
“I didn’t,” you answer. Way too quickly, way before your heart and your brain realize you are lying and make you stutter as punishment.
Satoru smiles lazily, letting you go with a languid movement that has his fingertips sliding off your waist. He tugs at one of the strands of hair hanging at the side of your face instead.
“That’s a shame,” he laments, sighing, puncturing each word with a twirl of his fingers, the start of a shit-eating grin on his lips. “Because I did”
“It’s been two weeks,” you huff, gently pushing his hand away in a lighthearted gesture. You don’t mind his touch at all. Or, you didn't mind it. You are now bothered by the appalling urges born in your core and traveling to your every limp.
“And? That’s more than enough to me,” he switches the grip of his hand to grasp at yours and give it a squeeze. “Believe it or not, I prefer your pretty face over the nagging of our dear church authorities”
“I’m touched,” you deadpan, a little smile tugging at the corner of your lips despite yourself.
Satoru hums. “I am too, considering I wasn’t expecting a welcome back committee”
Your lips part, brows furrowing. “Didn’t you say you wanted me to come!?”
“That was before I realized our lovely weather could turn you into an icicle,” he says, eyes scanning you intently. He takes a few steps forward and places both his hands in your cheeks. You feel yourself stiff. “Although the flush of your face is rather pleasant to look at, there’s no reason for you to stand here and freeze for little ole’ me”
Your frozen hands try to peel away his wrists on instinct. Satoru is touchy, probably more touchy than a priest should be, but he is also more nonchalant than the average gentleman is so you can’t say you aren’t used to it.
It’s the mortifying somersault your stomach does and the warmth that bleeds from your chest to your lower belly like molten what you are not used to. He is not even touching you directly, the fabric of his gloves is less soft than his hands, but it’s warm and kind in comparison to the wind. Nonetheless, the sole implication of him touching you so casually is enough to make you short of breath.
For a few seconds that stretch incredibly long, Satoru rubs your cheeks intently, as if trying to coax the warmth of your blood to bleed into your skin. There’s something in his eyes as a slow, cheeky curve takes place on his lips. You forget the flustered feeling for a moment, but your body stays locked on it, a prickling sensation climbing up your neck as you frown up at him, tugging at his wrists.
“Father?”
Satoru’s well trained to react the exact opposite way to your flustered, hurried flurry. As you jump, he waltzes back in calculated steps, casually sliding his hands down to your shoulders, squeezing them only slightly before taking his hands off you for good. By the time his hands are by his sides, yours are still fidgeting about, tugging at your winter coat.
You turn your face towards the familiar voice and force down the lingering feeling of self-consciousness, sketching a smile that lacks the blinding brightness of the dishonest one Satoru offers to the clueless newcomer.
“Ah, Ijichi, you are finally here!” he announces, eyes crinkling. The cherry on top is, of course, the thunderous clap that accompanies his words. “I started to think you had forgotten about me”
You have known him for almost two years, so you can catch it. The way his smile curves and hardens before it stretches all the way. He seems slightly bothered about something you can only theorize about.
“N-not at all!” Kyotaka bows his head, face a bit flushed because of the cold or because his eyes are also trained in Satoru’s micro-expressions. “Welcome back, Father”
You think you have imagined it, though, because Satoru’s expression is back to his relaxed, jovial façade. Or maybe it never really changed. You try not to stare too long or think about his face too hard lately.
“C’mon Ijichi!” he protests, “I’m not wearing the habit right now! We can be a bit flexible”
Ijichi is not deterred, sharing a look with you as a resigned, little smile grazes his lips. He is one of the very few people that has fallen victim to Satoru’s overly familiarity and, just like most, he is not playing along. That always makes you consider if you should also be more mindful of the difference in your positions, but Satoru’s arm casually slinging around your shoulders chases any further reflection away.
Ijichi is abruptly intercepted by one of Satoru’s arms as well when he steps closer to retrieve some of the boxes laying over Gojo’s luggage and you can see the way his shoulders fall in a reluctant acceptance. His glasses are crooked now by the unexpected motion but he makes no effort in shrugging Gojo as the latter pats his back energetically. You share a look once more.
“I-ji-chi! Guess who was freezing on this platform, waiting for me?” Satoru asks, squeezing his hold on you as he rhythmically pats Ijichi’s frame. “Certainly not you!”
At that, Ijichi’s resigned face tenses back to his default expression, a mix of mortification and surprise in his widened eyes.
“I a-apologize, I wasn’t aware you were coming here as well! I would have offered you a lift!”
“Oh, see? You are so formal with me but you call her by her name!”
You both ignore Satoru as you shrug his arm off your shoulders, offering Ijichi an appeasing smile, lifting a hand in a dismissive gesture.
“Don’t worry about it, I didn’t know you were picking him up either,” you reply earnestly, brushing your hair out of your face as you start to walk, “I think it’s his fault”
As Kyotaka takes the boxes Satoru brought with him, he regards you with a look that seems suspiciously close to a silent agreement. Once again, both of you ignore Gojo’s whines, moving along the platform until he desists on his protests and easily falls into step with you, suitcase in tow.
“I’m glad Ijichi and you have found friendship, but I don’t appreciate you bonding over disregarding me” is what he says, with a suffering sigh that evolves into a little smile when you eye him up.
“I’m sure making everything about you is a sin” you comment lightheartedly and Satoru rolls his eyes. “For your information, Kyotaka and I have been friends for a while and agreeing on your obnoxiousness is not the reason our friendship begun”
“But your blatant animosity is what makes it thrive,” Satoru points out, with an accusing finger. “It’s the same thing with Sister Uta–”
“Is your nagging my reward for picking you up at the train station?” you inquire. “I should have stayed warm and cozy at home”
“You waited for me. If we want to get technical, my dear sister, Ijichi is the one picking me up.”
He watches the beginning of an indignant protest in your face, to which he walks back his teasing statement and raises a calming hand. “Both of which I deeply appreciate,” he adds, and there’s a softness in his honest smile that mellows you down enough, until he pokes at you once more. “A good Christian doesn’t expect anything in return for a good deed, anyway” he chirps. “God shall provide”
“Good thing I’m not a Christian then,” you retort and Satoru huffs a laugh, shutting it too quickly in favor of shaking his head in disapproval. “So you shall provide”
“I’m not but God’s humble messenger,” Satoru bows his head, eyes glinting as he regards you “So consider the souvenir I brought God’s way of acknowledging your selfless act”
He is serious, but there’s an amused tilt to his gentle smile that warms and softens you up enough to forget about the banter and grin earnestly.
After a silent look that lingers enough for the prickling feeling in your face to make a comeback, you simply turn your face to the front. By your peripheral vision, you notice Satoru’s gaze linger just a few seconds more before he follows your lead. You both keep walking side by side, arms brushing at every swing. Your throat closes up and you focus on ahead.
Ijichi is a fast-walker by nature, you have learned, and you saw him hurry his step as Satoru reached your side with long strides a few moments ago. If Satoru wanted, he could outpace you and Ijichi with ease, but he has decided to linger beside you and you soon realize there’s a reason beyond any friendly banter or the announcement of any souvenir.
You step over a branch peeking through the melting snow on the ground and that’s when he speaks.
“The snow is finally melting” he whispers, “I’m relieved”
There’s a sympathetic inflexion on his voice that’s not lost to you. The same off-handed tone present on his words these last two weeks through calls and letters. You lean against him almost on instinct, shoulder surprisingly at ease as it bumps against his arm. “Me too”
On a personal level, being friends with Satoru means a lot of things and has plenty of implications you don’t want to get at most of the time. You were both relieved and saddened by his absence during the last snow storms of this winter which tells you enough about the dichotomy that persists in your relationship. It’s easier to dwell on it during this season, which is why you occupy yourself like a maniac during it, which is why you cling to any semblance of sun or warmth amidst the cold.
The car ride is silent enough, the soft sound of the wheels scraping against the road lulling you as you lean against the window, eyes chasing any rays peeking through the clouds, even if you have to narrow your eyes at the unexpected force of a sun recovering its strength.
“Hey,” Satoru’s voice is soft, a callback to the time and space you are in right now, tugging you away from cruel memories.
He offers you his hand, without a glove. Long and pretty and pale. Warm as you press your hand over it. “The other one too”
That’s when you notice he took both his gloves off and, as he envelops your hands with his, your thoughts linger on how warm and soft and soothing his skin is.
When he rubs his palms over your cold, trembling fingers, he triggers a scorching heat in your hands and your arms and your whole being. “Your hands are freezing,” he says, none the wiser to your melting insides. “I noticed earlier, you weren’t wearing gloves, or a scarf”
There’s more than a hint of disapproval in his tone. For real this time. Not like the one he uses to half-heartedly scold your thinly-veiled anti-church sentiments.
“I-I forgot”
Does he know your mouth feels dry and cottoned? Can he notice the way your breath catches in his throat at his proximity, or the way your heart skips at every motion of his thumbs over the back of your hands?
“You shouldn’t have walked there with this weather” Satoru whispers, and there’s something in his eyes that goes beyond the earnest care you have grown acquainted with. “You are not even properly clothed for it,” he hums, there’s a bit of the teasing back that gets lost on the deep look in his eyes.
You don’t even know what to make of it.
It’s like that one time, over a year ago.
Just like his voice grabbed you away from the claws of the cruel, painful past, his eyes push you back into that void, except in a kinder, warmer part of it.
The train ride to the next city and the memory of the gorgeous display on stage.
It’s a nice memory.
Nevermind the mortifying discoveries about yourself that trip uncovered.
Absolutely not. Because it is the beautiful memory of your first ever trip to a professional ballet production, a long-time dream, the one guilty of the fluttering sensation in your stomach.
Not the memory of the seating booth in the train back home feeling strangely suffocating, or his hands over your skin, trying to cool away a fever you couldn’t get rid of. A fever and itch that has been chasing you ever since you sat way too close in the same room, the same bed.
That’s not it.
It’s the pretty parts, the softer parts you should focus on because it is a nice memory, one that is not tainted by the origins of the crude ruminations that keep you awake at night to this day. Not at all.
“I wanted to,” you say with a shrug. “To go there, I mean.”
To wait for you. To see you again.
Satoru hums, blowing hot air into your fingertips. Your whole being rattles.
“You should have waited for me at the church, then” he whispers. His lips are inches away from your hands, you almost want to stretch your fingers, just to try–
“I don’t like to go there when it’s empty,” you respond, voice steadier than your beating heart.
“It’s never empty,” he replies, thumbs massaging up to your fingertips, squeezing them for barely a second. “It’s the house of God, he is always there”
He isn’t. And you aren’t either. What’s the point? But you don’t say that, you don’t say anything more. You almost feel like you don’t need to, because Satoru smiles at you then, and it’s almost sad.
You feel you might be privy to what most people in town are not. Your friendship with Satoru didn’t blossom out of shared faith or thrived because of your trust in him as a recipient of God. Quite the contrary. It was born despite your reservations and your disagreements. As such, you are allowed to see beyond the charming, quick-witted, perfect priest image he projects for all believers to see. For you, he is equally if not more charming and wiser when he is “just Satoru” but you won’t ever tell him that out loud.
Instead, you let your shared secrets and time together speak for you. He knows a lot about you. You know a lot about him. Or so you think.
Satoru has always given you the impression of false openness. He makes people, you included, feel as if he is sharing a lot, but most of the time, it’s just superficial lore or inconsequential sentiments.
You don't usually pressure him to share anything beyond what he usually does, but there’s a trust that has been nurtured during your time together that has given you both a space to share what you both know is no common knowledge. He doesn’t need to tell you “I have never told this to anyone” but you have learned to recognize when it’s the case. You know when it’s something he wouldn’t share with the world.
It is often, though, that you get the impression that these secret things have been shared before with someone else out there. There’s something about his speech, the careful distant expression on his face that betrays a sense of dejavu or melancholy that disappears as soon as it appears, between a blink and another. He has travelled the world and he has confessed his sins often. It could be any person out there, a priest or God himself.
Who knows? You don’t push. You never do. After all, there is a whole story you haven’t shared with him. And you don’t think you will soon. He has the right to have his secrets too, and despite the big chunk of your life that remains hidden close to your chest, you bet he has way more secrets than you do.
You wear your heart in your sleeve, he doesn’t. You could be fooled by his easy smile and his running mouth, though, like everyone else.
And you are.
It seems rather meaningless, but in retrospect, this little thing that Satoru willingly withholds from you unravels the whole mess and tells you more about all the things he doesn’t tell you.
At some point, it becomes public knowledge that a newly ordained priest will come to your little town. The people are concerned their angel darling of a Father is being moved away. But it doesn’t seem to be the case, as one particular Sunday, Satoru addresses the whispers and concerns from the altar with good humor.
That’s how you find out, like everyone else.
Kento Nanami, a priest from the same college as Satoru, will become part of the little community.
When you question Satoru about it later, ignoring his who-know-what attempt at explaining checkers to you, he sighs, shoulders falling. It is so different from the usual flair he would answer you with, he seems almost defeated for a second, the flames of the chimney of his office flickering all over his face, raising his high cheekbones further.
“We used to be together in the seminary,” he finally says.
Satoru doesn’t talk much about the seminary. It’s one of the things he pretends he enjoys being open about except all he has ever told you has to do with the multiple headaches he induced on everyone around him.
“But,” you say, leaning forward in your seat. You try to ignore the way Satoru’s foot brushes against yours as he shifts and stretches his legs under the table. “The people say he is newly ordained”
“Ah, our lovely town is as adept in gossiping as it is in their daily praying,” Satoru comments, propping his chin over his hand with a lazy tilt of the head, a shaper one on his lips . “He is.”
You don’t need to do the math for that one. It doesn’t add up.
“But if he was with you–”
“He left,” Gojo cuts you off with a bit of a bored, resigned expression. “Then he came back.”
He is not even hiding his unwillingness to share any details. The tense smile is the same he uses when he wants to cut a conversation short. It’s the first time he has used it with you.
And it’s the first time you decide to press, as well.
“Why did he leave?”
Satoru takes a few seconds to respond, eyes focusing on the dancing flames in the chimney, gaze concerningly distant. For a moment, you think he might tell you it’s none of your business. Strictly speaking, he would be right.
“Some people aren’t made for it,” he whispers, in the most monotone voice you have ever heard from him. It brings a chill down your spine, suddenly feeling an infinite wall rise between you. You feel you might reach out to touch him and you won’t be able to snatch him away from whatever place he is sinking into now.
But, as it always happens, the wall crumbles as soon as it builds. And Satoru, seemingly sensing your unease, seems to snap out of whatever haze the flames have induced on him.
He smiles, again, eyes flickering towards you.
“But don’t worry,” he says, even if you are less worried about priest Nanami’s abilities than you are about the all-seeing eyes that look right through you. “Nanamin is. That’s why he came back.”
Kento Nanami sure seems like the kind of guy made to be a priest. He is sober, proper, humble. Kind and polite at the welcoming party your good-spirited town throws for him. He seems genuinely taken aback by the warm reception, but earnest in his shy appreciation. You study every interaction from afar, just like you did back when Satoru first came to town.
Satoru had been charming, talkative, and full of initiative in every interaction. He had had the hard task of living up to the expectation the priest before him, a beloved local, had risen in forty years of service. Satoru was young. Maybe a bit too young, people had first observed with wariness. But it was that, along with his good-natured humor, his refreshing speech and his impeccable looks, that ended up making him the darling of the town in no time.
Nanami’s regal presence is impeccable as well, in a different way. There’s nothing out of place, not a hair, not a button, not even a blink, as if everything is carefully crafted with little to no effort. And while he doesn’t seem to have the social energy Satoru has delighted everyone with these past years, he appeals to the community all the same with that mix of youth and firmness reminiscent of a soldier. He looks older than Satoru. There’s something in their interactions that suggests something you can’t quite put your finger on. Satoru is cheery, as always. Friendly and familiar with his arm thrown over the other priest’s shoulders, with his animated voice raising over the bustle of the party but something in Nanami’s shoulders remains tense in a way they weren’t in any other interaction.
It’s so weird once you see it.
It could be simple shyness at Satoru’s familiarity, but he doesn’t seem shy or flustered. You don’t even know if, judging by his stern expression, he is even capable of it.
It’s seems there’s a world they are part of you are not privy to. That’s probably the case. Priesthood and seminary life it’s not something you ever can or want to fully comprehend.
But, despite whatever weird energy surrounding them, they make for a nice picture, standing side by side, overlooking the party and the towners from the first landing of the stairs leading up to the church. The single photographer from the local paper thinks the exact same, snapping a shot with little warning. It captures Satoru leaning towards Nanami, a smile frozen midway as the flash explodes in their faces.
Nanami is tall, but looking at them like this, you can truly put into perspective how tall Satoru truly is, his shoulder some inches above the other man’s.
No matter, you have to lean your head back to look at the two of them properly.
Kento or “Nanamin” is polite enough to stay quiet through Satoru’s enthusiastic introduction but it’s soon clear to you that he is barely tolerating the other’s incessant, loud chatter right into his ear. He still smiles, bows his head at you, as he introduces himself as if Satoru hadn’t done it for him over three times already. There’s a distant echo in your head that bothers you and there’s a weird feeling in your chest as you catch Nanami’s eyes looking at you as if he is trying to decipher a puzzle himself.
“Sorry if I overstep but, have we met?” he finally asks.
Satoru finally pauses beside you, only then paying attention to the fact that Nanami is not listening to his vibrant spiel, but he doesn’t seem baffled, face dropping to a rather curious, questioning glance more for Nanami than for yourself. Your smile doesn’t waver, tensing just the slightest bit as the echo in your head raises its volume.
“I don’t think so, no” you say.
Just like you did almost two years ago, when Satoru first came to the church, you leave the party early and find yourself pulled towards the limit of the woods at the outskirts. Once you step onto the only proper road leading to the next town, your eyes focus on the giant oak tree that stands at the top of the one little hill overseeing your step. The path is painful yet soothing in its familiarity, your heels digging in the dirt and light layer of snow enveloping the steep as you balance your weight and propel forward.
As you make your way to the top, the big, old oak greets you with a rustle of leaves. The leaves persevere during winter, for a reason you would like to think you know.
You feel your face warm with the effort and you can see your breath escape in little puffs of hot air that evaporate into the frosted wind as you walk towards the wide, rough trunk, and press your cheek against it.
You lean on the trunk and focus on the sounds coming from within, the endless shifting of it akin to breathing. Even if you wanted to hug it, you wouldn’t be able to. The immensity of it makes it impossible. It’s ironically cruel. You can’t hug him again and you can’t hug the one breathing thing that reminds you of him either.
“I’m sorry I haven’t visited,” you say, closing your eyes. You can almost pulsing with life against your face. One of your hands curls over the trunk. “I missed you today.”
At this time of the year, you are forced to confront plenty of things. You thought you had survived this winter without having to think, but there’s a sweet and painful song of melancholy in the air that follows you through these events.
It makes you think again about how you would have forgiven him, if he came to town like Satoru did. Like Nanami did. You would have forgiven him. Even if he was clad in priest robes and stood over the altar with the pride of a soldier of God. You would have forgiven him even with the sting of all the broken childish promises.
“It would have been okay, at the end,” it's the only other thing you say out loud.
It’s a sad and embarrassing thought, that you don’t have to say much. Wherever he is now, he knows what he didn’t know before. And everyone knows too. Everyone that loves you and loves him knows. That the pain has subsided and dulled but lingers like a chronic nightmare that sharpens every so often.
That you spent years mad at him and now you can only be mad at yourself. You have matured and you see things in a different light now, left to wonder if you , rather than him, could have done anything in another way.
It’s sad and embarrassing when Satoru meets you at the entrance road to the main street, concern or pity barely veiled as he heaves, cheeks rosy, his rebellious white hair slightly dancing at the tune of the frosty wind, all that betraying the hurried steps he took upon realizing your absence.
You offer him a little smile, finally having cried what you had to cry these past days, your head doesn’t feel as heavy with dark thoughts anymore. You can leave your penances with the oak tree.
“Did my mother ask you to come look for me?” you ask, not thinking twice before hooking your arm with the one he is offering you.
Satoru stares at you intently, head tilted as you both turn back towards the main square in a dance you don’t have to rehearse anymore. It feels natural, walking with him like this.
“More like I offered,” he replies, eyes finally focusing ahead. “Watching her pace around pale with worry, I had to ask what was her cause of concern”
You feel a pinch of guilt.
“She—”
Satoru spares you from having to offer an excuse or apology.
“She knew where you were, but she was worried you would stay there until dark so I told her it would be better for me to bring you back.”
You sigh, head leaning against his arm, gaze focused on the thin mantle of snowflakes in the ground.
“I didn’t need to stay for long.”
“That’s a good thing.” You don’t know if you imagine it, but you can feel Satoru speak against the crown of your head. “It’s still pretty cold out here.”
You answer with a hum, hiding your face into his arm, even his jacket is impregnated with his cologne. Moments like this are met with such intense yearning everything else you feel along with it melts into a pool of sweet resignation.
“You know you can talk to me,” he says, stopping on his tracks. You inhale a bit more of his perfume and the winter air before looking up at him.
You know he can probably see the red trails and rims that expose your silent, lonely tears from earlier but you don’t mind. He looks into your eyes, brows furrowing just a bit, before he shifts his body to face you as well. The snow crunches slightly under his boots.
“What?” you ask.
He raises his hand and reaches for your face. Your eyes flutter in anticipation of his touch and that’s when you feel the phantom pressure of his fingertips against your heavy eyelashes. There’s a sole huff of air that resembles a laugh escaping from his lips, in tandem with the sigh that escapes yours and his soft smile and sad gaze is all you see as you open your eyes.
“There’s frost in your eyelashes,” he whispers, his thumb barely grazing the apple of your cheek, probably following the abandoned path a tear left behind.
Your breath hitches and a surge of adrenaline makes you turn your face to the side, just in time for Satoru to caress your cupid bow and the curve of your upper lip. Your eyes flutter close. It’s only for half a millisecond and his hand retreats as if you were burning him, curling on itself in the air, hovering over your face. Not a sound comes from him.
“I know,” you breathe out.
“Hm?”
“I know I can talk to you,” you clarify, blinking up at him with a soft tilt of your head and in your lips.
He doesn’t escape your gaze, and you can see yourself reflected on his darkened, tempestuous blue eyes.
“But you won’t,” he says.
“Not about this,” you reply honestly.
“But we are–”
You cut him off, before you can hope, protest or rejoice on whatever epithet escapes his lips.
“I know,” you unhook your arm from his, pressing a hand over his forearm. “But you don’t tell me every single thing about you either,” you squeeze slightly and you can feel his muscles clench under the pressure. “Do you?”
After seconds that feel like minutes stretching, he presses his hand over yours and squeezes in a thousand unspoken words.
“No.”
“And that’s okay.”
After all, there are things you don’t want him to know about, even if a part of you thinks he does already.
A part of you wants to believe he understands.
But how could he?
Someone like him can’t never lose, not anything nor anyone.
Your mother forgives your brief disappearance and requires you to run a few errands to pay back any concern you may have caused, mostly to soothe any lingering guilt from your part. It’s always like this between you both, the silent agreements and the subtle conversations.
You can talk about pain freely but you are candid enough about it for her not to worry about you letting it eat away at you in silence.
“Did the visit help?” she asks, hands busy and eyes fixed on you, as you wait patiently, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Hm,” you nod, a faint smile. “It had been a while, I think that’s what I needed”
“I know you usually like to go up there alone,” she starts, “but please try not to linger too close to sunset, the air gets colder and the path is too dark for my peace of mind”
“You know I don’t like to walk in the snow at night.”
Your mother’s eyes trail away from you. “Right.”
“I’m okay,” you say, voice not wavering.
“I know you are,” she replies, looking back at you with love and concern mingling in her pupils. Your throat would close up at the sight on worse days.
Today, though, you smile at her with veiled gratitude and a hint of apology as she hands you a knitted bag, heavy with homemade goods.
“You know,” you point out, weighing it in your hands with a pensive pout in your lips. “I think you spoil that man way too much.”
“Those are for Father Nanami as well,” your mother protests, lifting her brow at you, affronted. “And ‘that man’ is our priest”
“It’s just Satoru,” you said. A slip up that you paid mind to a little too late.
“Precisely because it’s Father Satoru,” your mother replies, casual, as swift as her hands rearranging the last few envelopes. Her brief yet disapproving sideways glance is the only other indication that she has taken note of your disrespectful nonchalance. “He is a friend.”
“It doesn’t matter,” was the answer that made its way to your tongue. It didn’t come out of your lips though, it was too much of a lie.
“He should be thankful we prepared him anything at all.”
The piercing glare your mother throws your way is enough to seal your lips shut and make you swallow your complaint. You smile innocently, fluttering your eyelashes.
“Last time that look worked on me was when you were nine years old”
You don’t receive yet another earful regarding your lack of respect towards the so-called angel of the town, though, so you are thankful. Your mother is aware of the particular familiarity between Satoru and you and while you both have talked about the level of casualness you are okay with, she insists you follow the proper etiquette with a man of God.
“Smile when you deliver this,” she reminds you, planting an obnoxious kiss on your cheek. “We made such an effort putting this together,” your mother comments, eyes much softer than her admonishing voice. The ghost of a smile in her lips suggests a tease that you decide to ignore pointedly, your cheeks flaring. “Presentation is everything.”
You roll your eyes, making your way to the door, “Right...” you drawl.
“Don’t forget your scarf”
You hum in response, stopping at the foyer and grabbing it from the rack next to the door. As you tie it around your neck, a thought makes you pause.
“Mom?”
She peeks into the foyer. “Yes?”
You grab the door handle, eyeing her just briefly before twisting the knob.
“Did you tell Satoru?”
As you open the door, the cold wind blows into the warmth of the house. Your hair waves with it.
“About the tree?”
It’s always like this between you both, the silent connection and the subtle communication.
“About why I go there,” you say.
Your mother is quick to answer both with words and with a firm shake of her head.
You almost regret asking when you see the sorrowful lines that map her face.
“Of course not, it’s not my place to tell.”
You nod, smiling a bit. “Okay.”
As you step out, her voice reaches your ears. “But–“
You look over your shoulder. She looks sheepish, hands dancing on her lap. “Don’t you think it would help? Talking about it with him ? He is your friend and he is closer to God.”
You let out a soft laugh, not unkind. “I think it would be the most awkward conversation to have.”
Whenever you walk towards the parish, you think of Satoru. At the beginning, it was out of curiosity and wariness, as you imagined and played around with the endless possibilities of the mystery of his personality. Now, it is unbearable. The sense of anticipation that used to precede your meetings has mixed in with a yearning, an itch that you can barely scratch and which nature makes your stomach twist.
You are aware there’s an inherent wickedness permeating your feelings now, that most of your thoughts linger close to the line of impropriety and don’t reciprocate Satoru’s unconditional respect for you.
Because, even if he is unconventional in more ways than one, especially in comparison to the strict mold a catholic priest is expected to fit in, there’s nothing about him that suggests a questionable morality. Even with the way he is always getting close, shimming in your head and personal space, talking your ear off about everything and nothing and making jokes that walk and tether the line of strict propriety. And even with your proximity and the familiarity that allows him to touch you freely, there’s a delicate balance and respectful boundaries in your relationship.
His hands never wander or linger beyond the socially acceptable, invisible limits society has mapped a woman’s body with. The looks he gives you, while filled with open interest and regard, are void of a dark, twisted intention you have seen other men possess.
You are the one that avoids looking at him too much or staring at his eyes for too long, fearing the kind of expression you will see reflected on his all-seeing eyes. You are the one terrified about the possibility of him reading the hidden thoughts swirling in the depths of your brain.
The innocence of your friendship has mixed in with a dark pull that makes you crave Satoru’s proximity in a way you shouldn’t dare to entertain. It’s a cruel irony. Even beyond all the key reasons why your fascination should remain concealed behind platonic affections.
It’s wrong.
For the first time in the entire winter, you feel grateful when a whip of harsh, cold air hits your body. It’s heaven’s warning. A way to tell you to focus on the goosebumps instead of whatever black holes your mind is spiraling into.
You walk up the last steps leading to the entrance of the parish feeling nauseous, fighting and locking away the last thoughts. You inhale deeply before walking through the open doors, your nose filled instantly with the sweet smell of incense as the muscle memory takes over and you sign the cross over your upper body. It’s true when they say the church is truly never empty, and not because of the hypothetical presence of a higher being, but because it’s always open. During the day hours, there are always a few believers praying or waiting for a confession, head down, silently holding a conversation with either God or themselves.
Your eyes scan the few people scattered in the pews and you are not surprised to realize you are familiar with the back of the heads of half your neighbors. You walk to one side, moving along the rows of pews and nodding politely to those that are alerted by the movement in their peripheral. Nonetheless, as you get closer to the partly hidden hallway that leads to Satoru’s office and the sacristy, a smaller frame catches your attention. He is sitting right at the edge of the pew closest to the hallway leading to the offices. You walk closer and look over the scrawny shoulder, making sure he is not praying.
“Yuuji?” you whisper.
The boy raises his head, turning his gaze away from the missal on his lap. You smile down at the way his slightly bewildered expression morphs into a wide grin.
“Miss—!” he whispers back.
“What are you doing here?” you ask, ruffling his hair.
He gestures for you to get closer. When you do, he leans forward.
“I’m here to tell Father Gojo something”
You raise a brow, leaning back just enough to admire the anticipation in his expression.
“Father Gojo said I could be an altar boy next Sunday if Grandpa agreed,” he chirps.
You resist the urge to raise both eyebrows. You would think Yuuji is too young to be an altar boy, and you know Satoru does too, having denied his multiple, enthusiastic and incessant requests. Nonetheless, you also know Wasuke is spending more time at the hospital lately and that might be enough reason for him and Satoru to reconsider. Yuuji seems excited enough though. He thinks Satoru is the coolest guy around and has been trailing after him like a baby duck for a while.
“Let me guess,” you lean down with a conspiratorial whisper. “He said yes”
“Yes!”
Yuuji’s outburst bounces off the old rock walls but he doesn’t seem to mind it. You notice some people looking in your direction, raising their heads from their silent prayer with varying degrees of bewilderment. You shrug at them, an apologetic grimace, before turning back to Yuuji.
“Oh my” you huff out a laugh, keeping your voice at whisper-level. “Congrats on the promotion!”
Yuuji almost bounces off the pew but his voice is lower this time. “Thank you.”
“What’s your salary?”
“I-I don’t think I have one,” he perks up, intrigued.
“You should ask for one”
“Oh,” the boy doesn’t even question you, but furrows his brows a bit after a moment. “It shouldn’t be money, though”
You nod, mimicking his serious expression. “Of course.”
Yuuji’s legs swing over the edge of the pew as he looks at the bright colored windows.
“Movies” he suggests, doe eyes looking for your approval.
You bite back a smile but click your tongue and reign in your expression for the sake of the serious aura around him.
“He already lends them to you,” you tap your chin before your expression brightens. “I will help you negotiate weekly cinema tickets and all-you-can-eat ice cream”
Yuuji’s eyes are bright and wide as a gasp escapes his lips. “You would?”
“Uh-huh,” you wink, straightening back to your height. “I’m sure Father Satoru will honor this deal”
Yuuji beams up at you, body almost bouncing off the pew. You giggle, ruffling his hair before fishing some baked goods from your knitted bag.
“For you and Gramps”
“Thank you!” He promptly opens the envelope with enthusiasm and eyes at them. He sniffs unapologetically, “They smell so good! Did you make them?”
“My mom and I did,” you confirm, gently pressing your hand over his so he closes the paper. “They are better hot, so don’t open until you eat them”
“I will go eat them now!” he declares, clutching into them as if you would change your mind and snatch them away. “Outside,” he adds.
You laugh, propping a hand over your hip. “Wait, don’t you want to come to see Father Satoru?"
Yuuji is already sliding off the bench. “He told me to wait a few minutes, he is busy having a grown up talk with Father Nanamin!”
“Nana—“ you trail off. “Isn’t it Nanami?”
The young boy shrugs, already munching on a cookie despite his earlier promise. “Father Gojo calls him Nanamin and Father Nanamin says it was okay if I called him that. He doesn’t seem to like when Father Gojo does, though”
“I see.”
“You are a grown-up, so you can talk to them now,” Yuuji instructs sagely, pointing towards the hallway.
You salute, “Understood, boss”
Yuuji waves at you before skipping out the church. You observe his bouncing frame until it disappears beyond the entrance and you shake your head fondly, before turning around. As you pass the side of the altar, your gaze lingers in the Virgin Mary figure, the flickering flames of the candles at her feet dancing along her body. The candle you lit up many years ago should be right there.
With that last thought, you look forward and slide into the hallway.
At this point, you are familiar with every single corner of this place. Satoru gave you a personalized tour last year, almost scandalized at the thought of you not being familiar with the parish you had grown up in. So, w ith time, you found yourself feeling comfortable enough to explore around on your own, mostly to pass the time while Satoru is attending his priestly duties.
You have grown familiar with every nook and cranny of Satoru’s office as well and you know you can waltz right into it when the door is left ajar. Which is always.
Well, almost.
Strangely enough, you are greeted with the side of a closed door. You frown a bit, eyes fixed on the engraved name at the door. Satoru Gojo. You raise your hand to knock, fearing to walk into a serious conversation you shouldn’t overheard. Something makes you hesitate, though. Probably the hushed whispers traveling through the door.
You stand there, even if you know you shouldn’t.
“…it’s been almost seven years.”
“Didn’t know there’s a rule that says I should stop caring after–”
It takes you a few seconds to realize but what you assumed was a casual conversation sounds way more heated than that. You can’t always quite tell what’s being said, but there are moments the whispers evolve into louder
“….I’m just saying, a long time has passed, maybe you should let it go.”
“You want me to forget it!?”
“I’m not saying you should forget it, but God knows moving on is the best thing we can do. I did–”
“Jesus Christ,” Satoru huffs, “don’t you dare lecture me about moving on, you are here .”
You are so baffled by the fact that Satoru’s voice has the capacity to reach that level of defensive hostility that you don’t quite register how long the silence stretches after his last retort.
“I thought you had matured,” Nanami finally says and the casual coldness in his voice sends a shiver down your spine. “But you are the same impulsive, hot-headed, imprudent kid from all those years ago. Be mindful of your role.”
“Yeah, well, what the hell do you think I have been doing?” Satoru’s voice raises further, a sardonic tone permeating every word. “I’m so close to–”
“You have plenty of people depending on you,” Nanami cuts you off. “If you care about them, you will move cautiously.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence after that. You shift the weight from one foot to another, raising your hand to knock.
“And [Name]–“ Nanami starts.
And you startle.
Nonetheless, Satoru clicks his tongue. You can hear him pacing around in the room. Or it might be Nanami.
“Don’t even bring her up,” the former hisses, in a fiery protest. “Don’t even start. We are friends”
“It’s not that, Satoru, she’s—”
“I’m done with—”
You can barely register the sudden movement, a surge of warmth and a woody, earthy aroma hitting you right in the face. Your eyes focus on the wall of Satoru’s office. Opposite of you, there’s an ample bookshelf of the same expensive yet old wood of the desk. There are no windows and the lights are out which makes the flames cast shadows and dancing figures all over the room and on Nanami’s surprised face as he leans against the desk. “—this.”
You take a stumbling step back when your eyes meet as if the force of it was enough to make you lose balance. Only then, when your eyes run away from his, you find yourself face to face with Satoru Gojo, still with his hand on the knob, the most baffled expression you have ever seen on him. “You—”
“I–” your mouth feels dry, your heartbeats ringing in your ears. “I was just…”
“Not now.”
Whatever fluster, shame or guilt you might have begun to feel instantly evaporates into a cloud of pure befuddlement. Satoru’s face is not a display of perplexity anymore but rather an inexpressive, almost dismissive mask. It’s so foreign it makes you take a step back.
“H–huh?” you let out. “I was just—”
“[Name], I apologize,” he mutters in a tone that doesn’t suggest a hint of regret, “but the confessional opens at ten, so not now.”
“I just wanted—”
“[Name]…” there’s a hint of a plea this time, as he tilts his head to the side and avoids your gaze, as if he is trying to repel you.
Nanami frowns, stepping closer. “Gojo—”
The cloud of bafflement dissipates to expose a mix of indignation and humiliation. It’s the fact that he has never spoken to you like this. Ever. Not until today. You feel yourself ruffle and warm up under his gaze, a glare settling on your eyes.
He opens his mouth again and you clutch the strap of your knitted bag, feeling defensive.
“Gojo,” Nanami speaks, pressing a hand over his shoulder.
Satoru bites his inner cheek but doesn’t say anything else. He shrugs Nanami off after a few seconds, though. You can only observe, trying to wrap your head around what you are seeing and hearing and what you thought you would see and hear and how you imagined your day would go.
You retrace every step in your head as you physically walk back, affronted. Before you can even say anything, though. Before you can defend yourself or protest, something catches your eye.
You wish you had never seen it.
Nanami is wearing a black cassock, just like Satoru is. The clerical collar is pristine and there’s a cross hanging off his neck. It catches the light of the flames in the chimney.
At the left, an ornate badge is proudly fixed against his chest. It’s a beautiful one, the fanciest kind of needlework. And a very familiar one. You have spent hours staring at the embroidery, the design, at the way the crimson and the plum and the gold thread harmonize in an intricate embrace.
All of a sudden, you feel bile rise up your throat.
“[Name]–”
You don’t care if Satoru's tone is kinder this time. The sight surely isn’t.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
The words ring in your ears, the voice all too clear after all these years, hands without a body handing you a box too light.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
Your hand tugs at the fine chain around your neck, your hand molding around the little case in an anxious grip. Your hand is sweaty and your thumb traces over the curves and lines of the initials engraved on the locket in a silent callback.
“H–hey…”
You turn around without looking back. Your steps are swift, desperate. The hallway seems to stretch on and on and the rest of the church closes in on you as you focus on the light of the outside world ahead. Your hurried steps echo off the walls, the beginning of a sob held back by your tight-sealed lips. You might have heard your name but you don’t mind, you want to keep running until you can finally breathe. Until the light outside erases every memory of the cold winter.
In reality, you run until you physically tire out. Until you are heaving, leaning on your knees, droplets falling from your face and into the snow. They could be tears or sweat, you don’t know.
We recovered a locket, a badge and a cross. The ring is missing.
You might want to retch out of the sickening voice replaying in your head over and over again or because you have moved forward like a mad-woman. Either way, you inhale and exhale as frantically as you have run until the need for oxygen subsides and you don’t have a choice but to kneel down. Your hands and knees are partly buried in the snow.
You hate winter.
It brings cold and sickness and painful memories with it. For you, the worst part of it is the phantom hold that clings and suffocates you like a constricting vine. Trees are still skinny and mostly naked, branches trembling at the wind, bending under the weight of the last snowfall.
All but one.
Your head rises. It’s easy to see it from the bottom of the hill.
Between the leisure movement of a heavy cloud and the other, the sun has started to reach out with its lukewarm rays and, right at the top, the giant oak tree stands proud and imposing. Its monstrous shadow seems to stretch impossibly long, all the way down the hill where it reaches you and envelopes you like a mantle.
“You have finally come back to haunt me”
hi again ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ i want to thank you for reading all the way to here. You absolutely rock and I'm profoundly flattered. this post is crazy to me because despite my long time in fandom trenches, this is the first time I post a self insert / OC fic aaaaand a fic on tumblr. Kudos to Satoru Gojo and my catholic upbringing for mingling in my brain! Anyway, you probably have more questions than answers and for that I apologize. I feel this introduction is a bit more confusing than anything but that's exactly what I wanted to go after. Hopefully it gives you an idea of the messy state of things. There’s a whole menu of mildly fucked up stuff here and I'm so excited for you to browse it in the upcoming chapters. Anyways! Any doubts you have feel free to drop in the comments or in an ask, I will be more than happy to answer if it's nothing to spoilery :v If you don’t have any questions yet, don’t worry i'm looking forward to read your thoughts and comments or constructive criticism about the chapter as well! Thank you so much for taking the time to give this lil work a chance! Til next time my beloveds ♡ Have a good day/night!
©️ lilactwilights | no repost allowed | likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated!
#a heathen clung to piety#ahctp#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x yn#gojo x you#priestgojo#fanfiction#fem reader#reader insert#fanfic#jjk#gojo smut#lilactwilights#writing
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Valentine’s Day
Notes:Idk if i should post on ao3 or tumblr im not familiar with both apps. I also wrote for ao3 and posted but since im new it will take like two days to get online idk why I feel the smut of deukae is getting less and less. Maybe some people get inspired after my writing but i don’t think so since ive never write and im just in my horny hours and i don’t even have a good idea also english is not my first language and no proof reading since you know horny hours are in the late hours. Please let me know what you think it can also be negative like just some good feedback but if people show interest i may get inspired to improve my writing and editing the format layout, writing perspective may get messy and mixed and stuff
It’s Valentine’s Day and of course you and siyeon were planning to do something. However tour is upcoming and today is the last day of practice before dc goes on tour. Luckily since you already have a relationship for quite long (5 years) it’s now normal that you go with them on tour. (The reader is probably a student still but you know nowadays can do uni online just a laptop is needed, so the reader doesn’t entirely just throws her life away).
Since it’s busy days there is no actual plan not going out for dinner or doing a cute activity but you two talked about it and of course you find it sad that there is not really time since the weeks before siyeon was already busy with preps. But knowing you still get to be on tour makes it okay.
When practice is done they return to the dorm and you two decided to order some food. Also it was planned to pack things already like clothing and all the necessarities. When packing you showed siyeon some kinky bdsm leather (like you and i outfit but only the belts) and asking which panties and bras should be with them.
Siyeon smirked when you began asking that question and said “oh babe such a naughty question, you know it doesn’t actually mind right? Since you don’t will be wearing it often”. You blushed and felt already getting wet. She always can make you feel turned on by a simple flirt.
Siyeon smacked your ass and then said “why don’t you try the red right now when packing the ones i bought you last christmas would be a waste if you take some which i don’t like. So strip”
The sudden tone change to a comand made you weak. Since you’re such a slut for her you immedieately took of everything and then putting on the red lingerie while siyeon looked hungrily at you. “Let me see it up from close”. She cupped your tits and snapped the waistband against your thigh. “They make you look like a dirty whore, i want you to take it but take off it right now before you ruin the panties already” she whispers.
Packing goes on and then siyeon find some lube and a huge strap and of course it needs to be taken with it. Siyeon showed your the strap and stroked it a bit while having it at her crotch and said “Do you want to be fucked by this big strap the whole tour, do you want to be filled by this cock every night?” Before you could even answer she said “of course i know you do you’re such a fucking slut for me. You’re only good for being my fucktoy which i can use every night and in the waiting rooms, now since this strap is so big i think i need to practice otherwise you might not can take it’. You already felt your thighs getting wet and fuck you loved that strap it makes you feel so full always.
Siyeon groped your ass and mandhandled you on all fours. “Let’s give it a little try you seem like you need it’
You arched your back and wiggled your ass to siyeon while she put on the strap. She spanked your ass once again and then dove her face right into your pussy and gave it a few licks. ‘Just want to make sure you’re wet enough since i don’t go easy’ she said as she spanked your ass twice again.
You felt the strap against your pussy and then in a rapid motion she slammed the whole length in your wet tight pussy. “Fuck it feels so good” you moaned. Siyeon chuckled and pounded you hard right from it slided in. “You were so wet for me it just slide right in, listen to all the wet sounds your cunt makes. I knew you wanted it such a dirty slut for me as always.” She continued to pound you hard so hard the headboard banged against the wall. They must have heard noises in the living room but those noises were not unfamiliar for the members.
Siyeon continued to pound you hard and the slapping skin noises and your moans turned siyeon even more on to pound you even harder if that was even possible “you take me cock so well this strap goes with is on tour. Tell me how much you like it” she said while spanking your ass again. You have a huge spanking kink and siyeon loves to spank an ass (she still spanks and grope the asses of the members even in your sight because she loves it so much)
“Fuckk siyeon it feels so good , i loved to get filled by you”
“You’re such a good slut for me always taking my dick so well” you always get wetter by her dirty talk and felt like you were close to cumming. “Siyeon im close p-please let me cum” siyeon smiled and keeped the pace pn and said “okay baby please cum for me then show me hard you can cum on this cock’. with a few thrust she felt that you cummed since you were shaking but she decided to go on for a little longer and then pulled out. She smacked your ass again, give your shoulder a kiss and whispers “ you were such a good slut for me im glad that i don’t have to miss this pussy for 3 weeks”
She helped to clean you up and then you packed your suitcase further since it still had to be done
#kpop smut#siyeon x reader#siyeon smut#dreamcatcher#dreamcatcher smut#dreamcatcher smut headcanons#dreamcatcher x reader smut
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