#Though I get the hate regarding how Ford was like

[jacky-rubou]

Planning to write an essay on the limited Ford and Mabel bonding in the show and well, I thought of approaching you if you have any pointers. Especially dispelling any misconceptions by the fandom whether Ford overlooked Mabel or the bond she shared with her brother.

I think the main misconception I see is that Ford didn't care about Mabel at all in comparison to Dipper. Or, in some ridiculously extreme cases, that he hates her.

People forget that Mabel was the first twin he interacted with, and it was largely positive. Ford laughed and said he liked her when she stated that his six fingered handshake was one finger friendlier than normal.

The Last Mabelcorn being the episode where Ford interacted with Mabel the most gives a big insight into how he feels about her. First, he agreed with Mabel when she stated she was probably the most pure of heart in the room (i forget the exact phrasing but same difference). He trusted her with the unicorn mission, even knowing that the unicorns were difficult. And last of all, he directly tells her that she is a good person without even knowing the struggle she went through with her morality moments prior.

Dipper and Mabel vs The Future is contentious in this regard, fans often using it as proof that Ford doesn't care about Mabel just because he asked Dipper to stay in Gravity Falls. But honestly, Ford cared enough to observe Mabel's social skills with the pizza delivery guy, plus probably witnessing plenty of instances of Mabel handling herself without Dipper's help. He genuinely believed that Mabel could handle being without her brother outside of the summers.

Plus, it isn't like Mabel was forthright about her feelings about leaving Gravity Falls and growing up until she blew up at the end of the episode. Obviously there are things to be said about Ford taking Dipper on as an apprenticeship being a good or a bad idea depending on who you ask, but Ford didn't know how badly Mabel would take it. He thought he was doing Dipper a favor by giving him a head start on his studies and, as I previously mentioned, that Mabel would be fine at home. That the two could reach a compromise if needed.

Ford isn't perfect though, he does tend to project himself onto Dipper after finding out how similar he thinks he is to him. That might've affected how often he spends with either twin or how he saw their bond, but to say that he doesn't care about Mabel at all is simply misguided. He cares about them both so much. His traumatic experience with his own twin just tainted how he saw the twins' bond being something that could be potentially suffocating. He does sorta have a point though, Dipper and Mabel can't force each other to stay glued at the hip forever or it could potentially stifle their individual dreams if handled badly. But that's just my 'controversial' opinion right there i guess, so take it with a grain of salt if you wish.

And besides, if we were gonna get upset at Ford for favoring Dipper over Mabel, you might as well also get upset at Stan for favoring Mabel over Dipper in some honestly worse ways than Ford ever did to Mabel. Stan literally projected his father's abusive ways onto Dipper and justified being hard on him with 'toughening him up'. Not to mention how he made Dipper the butt of his jokes so often it drove Dipper to seek out time with Ford over him because Ford never made fun of him like that. Obviously Stan does care about Dipper too, but the double standards in this fandom when it comes to how the grunkles treat the twins is honestly flabbergasting. Neither grunkle is perfect in how they handle the twins, neither are 'better' in their methods, and I think that's the point.

it doesn't help that Ford doesn't get a lot of screentime compared to Stan, as i'm sure you're already aware.

anyway, if you have any more questions, feel free to let me know. hope this was a good insight into all this Ford and Mabel business.

[technovillain]

What do you think the interns would be up to after the events of psychonauts 2?

Okay soooo I think they all (under the new "Junior Psychonaut" titles) are given big projects to work on.

There is a little bit of discrepancy between different media sources regarding Adam, but I'm pretty sure something in the artbook was saying he was intended to be on a higher level than the other interns. Which makes sense because he not only comes off as the oldest but it's kind of evident that he's on a slightly higher level, what with his big public view project and his mentor being the head of the entire organization. So while I think in canon he is still referred to as an intern as part of the intern program, he was sort of functionally already a "Junior Psychonaut"..... which is something I feel like Hollis and Truman sort of made up to promote them for their hard work.

I also like to hc that their mentors told them to brainstorm good ideas over the summer, things that they were passionate about. That was what sparked the recent creation of Morris' pirate radio (also something that Milla would find cool and encourage as a music fan)

So I choose to believe they have these projects to work on as Junior Psychonauts:

Morris wants to get his pirate radio off the ground and (though it would make it less cool) maybe make it less .... pirate-y. In the sense that he could get more than one song for it. And more employees than just the one random 5 year old who climbed into his treehouse. It could also be a sort of psychic-station, broadcasting to brainwaves for study time.

Gisu wants to work with Otto to improve the status of psychic mobility, especially around the motherlobe. Creating levboards, safe apparatuses for brain balls, streamlining psychic mobility aids, etc.

Sam wants to get the Lumberstack Diner operational again, and is determined to employ animals as servers. Give them an opportunity to "better themselves". I honestly do not think that Coach would care much about this project. He's not a great mentor lol....but as a fellow cook, Compton would appreciate the project and probably pitch in, maybe as an excuse to get away from Lizzie and her project.

Norma is trying to....help balance the budget. And work on finances with Hollis. Scintillating. On the more interesting side, it would require a little government help, which would mean learning how to lay it on thick to try and get some government money....professional schmoozing skills.

After Lori's "exciting" new haircut comes out of Ford's barbershop, some of the agents are looking for some more modern styles. Lizzie decides the place is extremely outdated and needs a facelift to keep up with the times. She's right but her noncomformist, somewhat anarchist decor choices and style really stress Compton out. He's just sure she's going to do a bunch of stuff that Truman will hate, and he could get stuck cleaning up a big mess.

I don't think Raz and Lili are expected to take on big projects just yet. First of all because of all the personal intense family drama they just went through. Second of all because of their age.

I also think they all are permitted more field work with their mentors, and more mentor work time in general. Really "locking in" so to say on the idea of them actually becoming Psychonauts someday and not just hanging around the facility.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: "Sir Psycho Sexy" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

For April Fool’s 2024, I decided to do a bit inspired by Todd in the Shadows called Ford Analyzes Tunes And Song Stuff, or FATASS for short (a little nod to how Todd’s moniker can be shortened to TITS). Basically people would send me a song, and I would give some wacky analysis or review of the song that was probably the opposite of my actual, genuine opinion. For example, for Nickleback’s “Photoraph,” I claimed the entire song was actually a bittersweet gay romance. It was a fun exercise in crafting absurdity from even the most mundane or stupid lyrics. But it did leave me wanting to review a song for real… and what better than one of my favorite songs of all time?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band that need no introduction, but I’ll do it in case some of you out there don’t listen to good music and/or hate California: RHCP is a funk/alternative rock band formed in 1982, though they didn’t really cement their status as one of the best bands around until their release of the alt rock classic Blood Sugar Sex Magik in 1991, an album that produced the personal and powerful “Under the Bridge,” the hard rocking “Suck My Kiss,” and the all-time banger “Give It Away.” It’s a fantastic album, one of the most influential of its time, and many regard it as RHCP’s best work—including the band’s bassist, Flea. I’m certainly inclined to agree; it’s a nice middle ground between their heavily funk-influenced early work and their later more radio-friendly rock tunes. Don’t get the wrong idea here—they were, and still are, a very good band—but I think in my opinion the 90s were the decade where they really stood out from the crowd as trailblazers in the rock scene.

With that out of the way, it’s time to single out my absolute favorite song on the album to talk about: An eight minute long track titled “Sir Psycho Sexy.” With a title like that and an impressive length to match, you know you’re in for something bonkers, and I’d say the song delivers in spades; it’s a funky rap rock epic that is hornier than almost any song before or since. The rizz the titular Sir Psycho Sexy of the song displays is beyond that of any mortal man, and it is simply glorious. This song is also a song that inspired one of my Ocs—Flynn Dangerfield from the Rhine City series my wife and I are working on. If you’re unfamiliar with the character (and you shouldn’t be, the rough drafts for the story are pinned at the top of my blog), this is like if Alex Hirsch said Dipper and Mable were actually inspired by Flowers in the Attic.

If you don’t believe me, then read on as I riff on one of my favorite songs and showcase the brilliant lyrical insanity of a 90s rock band that was likely high as a kite while writing this. Also, this is your warning: These lyrics are insanely NSFW. This isn’t nearly as bad as the last song I riffed on, “Pregnant Pussy,” but it’s up there. You’ve been warned.

So this song is sort of a story, and every story has a main character. And what a character we have here; Sir Psycho Sexy is his name, and getting pussy is his game. How does one introduce such a man?

A long, long, long, long time ago Before the wind, before the snow Lived a man, lived a man I know Lived a freak of nature named Sir Psycho

Not a bad way to start things. Lead singer Anthony Kiedis really sets up Sir Psycho as some ancient, powerful force of nature, a being who has existed as long as there were babes to fuck and who is so eternal he was there before wind or snow. Mind you, this is before we get into all of his insane sexual feats and astounding prowess with the ladies, so we have the coolest guy in the universe right here. Let’s see what else there is to say about him:

Sir Psycho Sexy that is me Sometimes I find I need to scream

Oh. Ok then. So Anthony Kiedis is Sir Psycho Sexy. This is either self-insert Mary Sue fanfiction, or it’s an autobiographical tale describing things that actually happened. Let’s be super duper charitable and call it the latter. At any rate, the fact he just likes to scream sometimes is universally relatable.

Still, you may not be convinced how good the song is from this opener, as it can come off as blatant wish fulfillment fantasy. Thankfully, the second verse opens with the greatest lyrics ever written by a human hand:

Deep inside the garden of Eden Standing there with my hard on bleedin' There's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen Good God no that would be treason

This is absolutely blasphemous, disgusting, degenerate, explicit, and one of the funniest fucking set of lyrics to ever be in a song. “There’s a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen” is not a phrase you hear every day, and it certainly won’t leave your head after you hear it. And don’t worry; things only get better from here!

Believe me Eve she gave good reason Booty looking too good not to be squeezin' Creamy beaver hotter than a fever I'm a givin' 'cause she's the receiver I won't and I don't hang up until I please her Makin' her feel like an over achiever I take it away for a minute just to tease her Then I give it back a little bit deeper

So I don’t know what could be expected, but Sir Psycho plowing the Biblical Eve is probably not the sort of thing you could imagine when first popping in to listen to this song. When you take into account his ancient nature from the first verse and the fact he’s got his boner dripping blood in Eden in the first few lines of verse two, this is really the only logical next step though. The real question here is, is Sir Psycho supposed to be Adam, or has Sir Psycho tied up Adam to watch as he busts in Eve more times than should be humanly possible? If he’s “Makin’ her feel like an over achiever,” I’ve gotta imagine he’s not stopping after round one, two, or even three. I do like the detail that Sir Psycho won’t give up until he pleases her; it’s very cool and considerate that he cares enough about his lover to ensure her satisfaction too.

I got stopped by a lady cop In my automobile She said get out and spead your legs And then she tried to cop a feel

Verse three begins with an extremely sad case of police brutality and sexual assault. Poor Sir Psycho was just driving along, minding his own business, when he’s pulled over for no crime whatsoever; the cop just wanted to fondle him. These lyrics really say a lot about our society, and the state of the police force in America when even gorgeous immortal studs aren’t safe from the pigs.

That cop she was all dressed in blue Was she pretty? Boy I'm tellin' you She stuck my butt with her big black stick I said, "What's up?" now suck my dick

Some interesting tidbits of information here: Sir Psycho enjoys being pegged, and he has a death wish. What kind of absolute madman says that to a cop that has them at his mercy? Does he really think he can turn the tab--

Like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb She whimpered just a little when she felt my hand On her crotch so very warm I could feel her getting wet through her uniform Proppin' her up on the black and white Unzipped and slipped, "Ooh, that's tight" I swatted her like no swat team can Turned a cherry pie right into jam

Are we sure this man is Anthony Kiedis and not British Prime Minister David Cameron? Cuz he sure does like fucking pigs! Sir Psycho, with his ancient pornomancy powers, takes “fuck the police” to a whole new level, completely turning around whatever situation he’d gotten himself into.

And now we get a shift in the instrumentation, and the lyrics kind of mellow out and almost feel a little romantic(at least in a 90s funk rock way):

Hello young woman that I love Pretty punk rock mama that I'm thinking of Hold me naked if you will In your arms in your legs in your pussy I'd kill To be with you, to kiss with you, I do miss you I love you Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Descending waves of graceful pleasure For your love there is no measure Her curves they bend with subtle splendor

This part genuinely feels so tender and, while it is extremely horny, Sir Psycho seems especially reverent of this woman, this amazing “punk rock mama.” I kind of think this segment pulls the entire song together, giving us a brief respite from the more overt sexuality and into something that genuinely sounds sweet, albeit in a decidedly horny sort of way.

Of course, we soon get back to Sir Psycho’s usual escapades in the final verse:

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the funk will make me freak If I should die before I waked Allow me Lord to rock out naked

And after this, we get kinky before wrapping up this song and heading to an extended instrumental outro:

Bored by the ordinary time to take a trip Calling up a little girl with a bull whip Lickety split go snap, snap Girl gettin' off all in my lap The tallest tree the sweetest sap Blowin' my ass right off the map Ooh and it's nice out here I think I'll stay for a while

So full disclosure, this really, genuinely is one of my favorite songs of all time, and perhaps my favorite RHCP song. It’s so audacious, in-your-face, and unabashedly horny, and in a day and age when people seem hellbent on removing sex from art, it’s nice to go back to a simpler, sluttier time and jam out. Is the length a bit excessive? Sure, probably, but length like this is all Sir Psycho is capable of.

The song is honestly not too dissimilar from the last song I reviewed, “Pregnant Pussy” by UGK… at least in terms of audacity. Where that song was trying to be as disgusting and depraved as possible to get a reaction from the listener, essentially being the nastiest troll song you’ll ever here, this song is just very upfront with its sheer horniness. It only barely eases you in, with the opening leading right into blasphemous boasting and dick blood, and it just never stops. It slows down a bit in a couple parts, but overall it really is just an unrelenting force. The song’s length isn’t something you ever really feel, because it just goes from one dirty lyric to the next.

But I think the most important thing the song does is remind us we all have a little Sir Psycho Sexy inside us, and we all have been standing the garden of Eden with our hard on’s bleeding while there were devils in our dick and demons in our semen. Maybe the real dick devils were the friends we made along the way.

[bucky-boychik-barnes]

Sending hugs always!

3. Biggest self-insert OC?

4. What kind of music do your OCs listen to?

5. What are some of your OCs biggest fears?

6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?

7. What are your favourite relationships between your OCs? (romantic or platonic!)

8. Do you have any OC family trees?

9. Favourite OC?

Please and thank you!

3. Biggest self-insert OC?

Sarah started out as a self-insert OC in a Xavier's School RP on the Ctrl+Alt+Del forums, in the eaaaarly 2010s. Since then, she's absolutely developed to be her own character, but she's sort of the person I would like to be now, regarding her chosen family, love of cooking/baking, and being creative. Meanwhile Oz has all of the money I wish I had and more, and Angie is as confident and cool as I want to be.

4. What kind of music do your OCs listen to?

I definitely can't list them all, just because I have so many OCs, so I will focus on my favorites for the rest of the questions, haha. Sarah loves artists like BABYMETAL and Paramore, her older sister Angie has a giant range of likes from Halestorm to Gary Allan, Oz is a big Britney Spears and general pop music/Top 40 fan.

5. What are some of your OCs biggest fears?

Oz hates all bugs, snakes, and lizards - it gets a tiny bit better when Doyle starts showing an interest in herpetology, but not much. Sarah has had to go to therapy to stop being anxious anytime she starts to get hungry, but she still carries snacks with her everywhere. Neither of them are a fan of men being loud and aggressive. Most of Angie's fears involve Sarah getting hurt in any way, shape, or form. (He is not okay when she goes through her one pregnancy - especially when he finds out about pregnancy psychosis.)

6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?

Angie's wife, Rayne, and one of Oz's relationships, Andy, don't get written about enough. I really hope to change it someday.

7. What are your favorite relationships between your OCs? (Romantic or platonic!)

I love Oz and Calum's relationship, and how they are basically childhood sweethearts. They also have a third partner later in their life--a sweet, scholarly astrology nerd named Jakob that I haven't posted anything about on AO3, but have plenty of old WIPs with him. I also love that Oz has so much love in his life - not just from his family and partners, but he has so many friends. He considers Nic, Andy's wife, to be his platonic partner as well as best friend - they are married in a Bridgerton AU to save both of them from a life of misery.

8. Do you have any OC family trees?

Most of my OCs have fleshed out parents and siblings, though there are a few only children. Sarah and Angie are siblings, with Sarah four years younger. Oz has a sister that is two years younger than he is. There is a Gravity Falls AU that I like to think about, but idk if I will ever write, where Angie and Jakob are twins/stand-ins for Stan and Ford, and Sarah's grandkids are stand-ins for Dipper and Mabel.

9. Favorite OC?

Angie. He's such an asshole and has done and gone through so much, but he also made the decision to be better, and worked so hard to do it. He earned the relationships he has with his wife and Sarah, (they lost touch for a few years, Angie was in a bad place and acted like a dick to drive Sarah away 'for her own good') and beat his own mental health and cancer, and has a life he never thought he would have. (He always thought he would be a Very Unimportant Member of the 27 Club.)

[theygotlost]

What do you think of the Hitchhiker’s Guide movie?

My dad really likes it (I think I remember him saying he likes it more than the book) but I don’t care for it and it is a matter of debate for us

well i just finished rewatching it just now so here's all my thoughts fresh out of the oven!

I don't like it. it's bad and not good. at best it's just mediocre. I hateeeeee that they forced an arthur/trillian romance its so annoying and insufferable and NOTHING. ITS SO LAME. especially cause trillian also became a damsel in distress and I just had to roll my eyes back into my head.

ig the book didn't have enough content to adapt into a feature film so they added an entirely original midsection with that creepy guy named kamala harris or whatever his name was and the entire time i was just like uhhh wtf is happening and why are we here. as a result the ending feels pretty rushed to me.

there were a couple of new additions that I thought weren't half bad though. like the flyswatters on the vogon planet that slap you every time you think for yourself and marvin using the point of view gun to give the vogon army acute depression. those were pretty good.

and who the hell cast this movie? zooey deschanel as trillian sucked ass. I don't like her or her scary blue eyes or her lackadaisical #californiagurl performance. mos def is also a terrible actor and not a convincing ford at all. martin freeman at least has the appropriate depressed british white man vibes to be arthur but i hate looking at his face cause it just reminds me of sherlock.

zaphod is the one I have the most to say about. I actually do like sam rockwell's zaphod because he looks the part and is appropriately sleazy. and I liked his outfits and accessories (though imo there was too much black and I would have preferred more bright colors and patterns). I especially love his combo of nail polish and this little gold chain thingy on his hand. just a nice lil slutty detail.

I'm completely baffled by his choice of a southern american accent though, where'd that come from? is it supposed to be like a bill clinton hillbilly president type deal or something?

and of course there's the elephant in the room regarding his heads. oh christ almighty how I hate the way they handled his second head. I get that it would have been harder to pull off the normal 2 heads side by side in a convincing way for the entire movie (its 2005 and the cgi in this movie looks fake as shit), but good lord every time his second head popped up from below seriously made me want to retch. its sickening to look at and sickening to think about and it's just way more awkward than the more straightforward solution. I also think it's strange that the movie added an explanation that zaphod created the second head during his campaign to store all his uncharismatic traits??? why can't he just be an alien with 2 heads??? I ALSO seriously hate how the other head is all CRAZYYYYYY AND WEIRDDDD AND INSANEEE ASYLUMMMMMM it's not funny at all it's just really hard to watch.

all these issues are kind of surprising given that douglas adams is credited as an executive producer AND screenplay writer? which is also weird since the movie was released 4 years after his death? I have no idea what the production of this movie was like and I'm afraid to find out.

[shit-talk-turner]

Perhaps the problem of Alexandra with Alex is just that she doesn’t get credits for herself or for her influence in Alex’s music. She has referred on more than one occasion how women don’t get credits or are overshadowed by the male producer. She probably wasn’t happy when her first album debuted and everything about her was about Alex. How she was called a disciple of him. It’s easy to see her influence in Alex’s music yet the press never mentions her. And Alex himself has never given her credits for her contribution, except when he mentions the new method of recording that he started to use when recording her album. What I see about Alex is that he never stands out for anyone, he, somehow, always falls in a comfortable position and he stays there (at his convenience). He didn’t reinvindicate Alexandra (like James Ford has done for the female artist he has worked with). He has never defended Louise for the cheating allegations (when he has more responsibility in the situation) or against the hate she gets from his fans. He didn’t do it for Taylor either (before people say that they sucks, is not about that, is about to expect a little more support from your partner, especially in issues that are related to him) And maybe this shitty behavior is what Alexandra and Taylor could find in common.  

I really think he got the easiest part on the cheating scandal. Taylor still gets comments about Alex until today and Louise, well, we know how she is doing on that matter. And the guy that created the mess, got away with it.

Regarding the cheating though, what are you imagining Alex would do? Put out a statement “sorry I cheated on you?” We don’t see it

[stahlop]

All of Me (loves all of you)

Merry Christmas @cosette141​! Here is your Christmas gift from your Secret Santa! I had so much fun writing this little fix it, canon divergence piece for you. I know season 4a is one of your favorites and I just happen to be in the middle of reviewing that season, so it worked out perfectly! I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to @xarandomdreamx​ for being my beta

And thank you to the Captain Swan Secret Santa for putting this on again!

Rated: T

Ao3 Link

Emma slammed her bug into park and started beating on the steering wheel. The words of the Snow Queen echoed through her mind.

The only way this ends is you embracing who you are.

But Emma had embraced who she was. Wasn’t that why the wand had worked in the past? Wasn’t that why she had wanted to stay in Storybrooke? Because she was embracing who she was? She just needed to get her stupid powers under control, and without Regina’s help she just couldn’t get a grasp on them. 

Right now, she just needed a place to hide.

As if her magic understood her need, her hands sparked and her car went back into drive and started driving itself. 

“Great,” Emma sighed to herself. “Just like the Ford Anglia in Harry Potter.”

It deposited her in front of Gold’s cabin in the middle of the woods. The last time she’d been here he’d been beating the crap out of Mo French. She hoped it had been cleaned since then.

She slammed the car door as she got out, putting her red leather jacket back on to ward off the chill. She didn’t even bother checking if the door was locked, her magic automatically opening it for her.

“That would’ve been useful when I was younger,” she murmured to herself. The place was spotless. Definitely been cleaned up since the Mo French incident. Emma wondered if Gold even remembered he owned this place. It didn’t look like anyone had used it at all. Everything was in perfect order. No rumpled bed sheets, nothing in the sink, not even any wear on the sofa. However, there did happen to be a thin layer of dust over everything. Emma found a roll of paper towels, tore off a piece, and started dusting the cabin. She was already beginning to feel calmer. 

—-----

Henry had never been so thankful that driving in the woods had to be done slowly. After the debacle with his mom, he’d hid while he saw the encounter with the Snow Queen. He hated how the Snow Queen could get under his mom’s skin so easily, especially as he’d seen his mom go up against his mother without any regard for the consequences. What was it that made her think the Snow Queen was worse than the Evil Queen had been?

He watched as the car drove itself through the winding roads and managed to catch a glimpse of it as it stopped in front of a cabin in the woods. He wasn’t sure who it belonged to, but he was sure someone back at the loft would know. 

He followed the road back into town and ran to the loft. He could hear his grandparents, Killian, and Elsa arguing from outside the door about continuing to look for Emma some more.

“Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found.” Killian said, quite angrily, though Henry could tell he was also worried. “Since, you know, that’s what she bloody told us!” They may have only started dating, but Henry liked how concerned he was about his mom, and that he wanted to give her the space she’d requested.

“Well,” David began, “the good news is, thanks to the ice wall, Emma can’t leave town.” Henry scoffed. Of course Grandpa was only concerned about whether his mom would leave. Not whether she was okay or what she was feeling.

“The longer she isolates herself, the worse it’ll get. Her magic will just keep spiraling,” Henry heard Elsa say. It almost made him run right back to the woods to try and talk to her again. “When your powers are out of control, everything’s upside down, and you don’t want to be anywhere near the people you care about,” Elsa continued. 

“Wonderful,” Killian said with a sarcastic tone Henry knew he used when he was trying to cover up his own feelings. “Well, should we send Sneezy after her, or Happy? Which is the dwarf she despises?” Henry silently chuckled at Killians words, making his head throb and probably bleed more from his most recent encounter with his mom in the woods. But he continued to listen to what was being said.

“I was so scared that I would hurt Anna until I finally realized you can’t run away from the people who love you, because in the end they’re the only ones who can help you.” Elsa finished. His grandparents began arguing again about what was best for Emma, but Henry took Elsa’s words to heart. He needed to send someone who could get through to his mom, who loved his mom, not someone who would just talk at her. 

He took a minute to psych himself up before opening the door, just in time to hear David say “then we go out and find our daughter. Okay?”

“You don’t have to look anymore.” The adults all looked shocked to see him come through the door. Which, to be fair, he was supposed to have been sleeping upstairs. He absentmindedly put his hand to his injured head (he silently cursed himself for upsetting his mom enough that she accidentally had a burst of magic and hurt him, something she was trying so hard to not do) and pulled back his hand with spots of blood on it.

“What happened?” David asked concerned.

“Look, I’m sorry I snuck out, but I found her.” All the adults looked at him in awe. He tried not to let it go to his head, knowing he’d found her when the rest of his family couldn’t. His grandparents began talking over each other to find out how she was, but all Henry was concerned about was Killian’s reaction. He looked…relieved, yet he still didn’t ask any questions. He knew Henry would answer them in his own time. He was exactly who Henry needed to send after his mom. He’d be the only one who could get through to her.

“I’d really like someone to look at this head injury I’ve managed to get,” Henry said, focusing his attention on Killian as he said it. Killian looked at Henry, his eyebrows raised in question, which he then quickly schooled and nodded in agreement.  Luckily, his mom wasn’t the only person Killian could read like a book.

“I’ll take the lad and get him cleaned up.” Killian said before anyone else could volunteer. Henry quickly steered him to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

“You have to go to my mom!” Henry said, turning to face Killian. He expected to see relief on his face, but instead he saw something more conflicted. 

“I don’t think your mother wants to see me, lad,” his face dropped, looking hopeless. He gestured to the cabinet; Henry quickly took out the medical supplies to keep up the pretext. Killian wet a small hand towel and motioned for Henry to turn so he could get a better look at the wound.

“You’re wrong!” Henry said adamantly, then winced as Killian wiped away the blood with the towel. “You heard what Elsa said, isolating herself will only make it worse. She’s at Gold’s cabin in the woods.” He tried to turn toward Killian but he kept him facing away from him. “Do you know where that is?”

“Aye, lad, I do.” Killian sounded almost resigned, like he still wasn’t sure if he should go. Henry finally wrenched from his grip and turned around. 

“She’s scared and she’s afraid she’ll hurt someone. She just needs someone to reassure her that her magic isn’t bad. That it’s part of her. It’s like Elsa said, she needs someone who loves her..”

Killian looked shocked. Henry wondered if he’d overstepped. Despite the fact that Killian had been trying to court his mom for a few months now, they’d only started dating. Killian tilted his head down, not looking at Henry’s eyes.

“It’s that obvious, is it?” He let out a shaky breath. Henry didn’t think he’d ever seen him so vulnerable. The great Captain Hook worried that Henry knew he loved his mom.

“Well, mom’s oblivious, as usual. Or maybe she’s just using her magic as an excuse. You know how skittish she gets.” Killian gave a wry chuckle. “But you need to go. I think you’re the only one who’ll be able to get through to her. You actually listen to her. My grandparents are great, but they’re scared of her, whether they want to admit it or not.” Killian nodded in agreement. He fished out some gauze from the medical supplies Henry had brought out with a small piece of medical tape and affixed it onto Henry’s wound.

“Tis merely a scratch,” Killian gave Henry a small smile and stroked his hair. Henry understood the significance of this gesture - it was fatherly in nature. Another reason Henry knew he could trust him.

“Are you sure you know where Gold’s cabin is?” Henry wasn’t sure he’d be able to find it again.

Killian nodded. “Aye, lad. I’ve traipsed through these woods enough, I’ve got a good lay of the land. I didn’t realize the cabin belonged to the Crocodile.” He made to leave the bathroom, but turned back toward Henry. “Are you sure she’ll be alright with me going to her? I’m trying hard to respect her boundaries.” His face dropped in concern. Never did Henry think he’d feel sorry for Captain Hook.

“I think you’re the only one she will see. Though knowing mom, she’ll fight you at first. Killian smiled.

“Well, it wouldn’t be me and your mum if we weren’t fighting, would it?” A grin spread over Killian’s face and Henry thought maybe everything would be alright.

“I’ll distract the rest of them for as long as I can.” Henry said, returning the medical supplies to the cabinet he’d got them from. “You sneak out and get to mom.” Killian nodded his head in agreement.

Henry slipped back to the rest of the group. Mary Margaret started fussing over his head while David gave him a light reprimand for leaving the loft when they told him not to. Mary Margaret insisted on making something to eat since they’d all be out all night. They could use some rest before Henry told them where Emma was. As David had pointed out earlier, it’s not like she could leave town with the ice wall around it. 

Henry could see Killian patting down his jacket and pants pockets. “Bloody Hell! I’ve left my talking phone in the back of your truck.” He announced though no one seemed to be paying attention. Mary Margaret was showing Elsa how the stove worked as she also gathered ingredients for pancakes. David was pacing around, most likely trying to decide what they should do after they’d refueled and recharged.

“It’s just called a phone.” David responded mechanically, watching as Killian headed for the door to retrieve it.

“What an impractical name. I’ll be back in two shakes.” Henry observed Killian go out the door, everyone else still too absorbed in what they were doing. Killian gave a quick, awkward wink to Henry - he knew Killian would not be back in two shakes.

—---

The calm Emma had been feeling immediately dissipated once she finished dusting. With nothing left to do with her hands, the sparking had started up once again. She sat on the edge of the couch staring at her hands, willing them to go back to normal. But the doubt rapidly crept in.

She’d hurt Henry. 

She’d hurt her father and almost hurt Killian. 

The look on her mother’s face.

How could they want to be around her after that?

How could she act like everything was normal after that?

Maybe Ingrid was right and she was a monster.

“You are nothing of the sort, love.” Emma looked up to see Killian leaning on the open door frame, his signature smirk overtaking his face. She wasn’t sure if she was glad or scared to see him.

“Did I say that out loud?” Killian nodded in the affirmative. Emma could tell he was being cautious. Usually he would say ‘aye’ and it would sound incredibly sexy. But she could see his casual smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and their usual blue was closer to a stormy gray. It would be upsetting if it wasn’t….sweet.

“How’d you find me?’ Emma asked warily. She could already feel the sparks in her fingertips coming to life as if a lightning storm was on its way.

“Henry.” 

Emma’s hands went to hips. “I drove here!” She said incredulously. Killian just shrugged. She didn’t really know what to do with that. She loved Henry and she’d hurt him. She couldn’t risk hurting Killian too. It still amazed her that calling him Killian came as easily as drinking water after calling him Hook for so long. She’d known, logically, that his name wasn’t Hook. She’d called him Killian when he took care of Henry, before his memory had come back, but that had almost been like a role he was playing. The part of Captain Hook will be played by Killian Jones. And she’d called him Killian when Gold and Zelena had almost killed him and she’d lost her magic. Even after he got his hook back, he was now just Killian. But this person in front of her, the one trying so hard to give a casual indifference, she wasn’t sure who this was. He didn’t have the flirtiness of Hook or the undying devotion of Killian. 

“Your family is worried about you, love. At least give them a call and let them know you’re alright.” Emma sighed. “Henry’s fine, by the way. Just a scratch.” He added. Emma pinched her face, already having forgotten about her altercation with Henry in the woods. The Snow Queen had come after that and then everything had been a blur. 

“God, I’m the worst mother in the world.” She cried, sitting herself back on the couch, her head in her hands.

“No, love. You just have a great deal many distractions going on.” He took a small step inside the cabin. “Have you eaten?” Emma turned to see he held a bag from Granny’s. “Bear claws and a hot chocolate, just the way you like it.” He smiled, a real smile this time. One that actually made his eyes crinkle in that way that Emma knew he’d seen a lot in his lifetime, but also made him look sexy. As if on cue, her stomach growled. Killian took that as a sign that he could come inside and sit next to her on the couch. He passed her the bag and she took it gingerly, still afraid of what her magic might do, but it seemed to have calmed down with the prospect of food.

Silence permeated the room as she ate. The only sound they could hear was the wind whistling through the trees outside. How had they gone from dates and kisses and letting him in about her past, to this uncomfortable silence? This was not who they were. They were all flirtations, and banter, and heated glares. Emma didn’t like it at all. 

She was about to say something, anything, when the door slammed shut. They both turned to look and then saw heavy snow falling outside the windows.

“Crap!” She ran over to the slammed door and pulled it open. Within the few minutes it had taken to eat, there was already nearly an inch of snow on the ground, and it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. Big, fat, fluffy flakes were falling at an alarming rate. “Crap!” She yelled again. “Killian, we’ve got to get back to town!” Killian shook his head.

“We can’t drive in this, Emma!” The wind had picked up and was now howling around them, her hair whipping around her face. “Get back in the cabin.” Emma wanted to scream at him that they needed to leave, but at the pace the snow was coming down, she knew he was right. They’d be trapped and at the mercy of the elements. She nodded and ran back inside with Killian following close behind.

“Think you can light a fire for us?” He asked, nodding to the pile of wood near the fireplace. Emma looked at her hands, fearful for a moment that she might put a hole in the cabin like she did the sheriff station (she really hoped Regina could magic that back together ASAP), instead, she concentrated on the wood Killian was placing in the fire. She closed her eyes, and then hoped for the best.

“Good job, Swan! I knew you could do it!” Emma opened her eyes to see the fire spark to life and Killian grinning like a fool. The expression on his face was so infectious, she felt a grin spread across her face too. Killian was looking at her in awe. “Come here, Swan.” he beckoned her to him with a gesture of his hand. Emma took it and suddenly he was kissing her. 

As someone who had initiated most of their kisses, Emma felt slightly out of control when Killian would kiss her first. She’d only been in one relationship where the other person kissed her first and it made her feel wild and out of control. She hated feeling like that now. But the more Killian kissed her, his lips caressing hers gently, the more safe she felt. The more she felt seen. The more she felt treasured (and that was saying a lot considering he was a pirate). She pulled away at that revelation. Killian’s eyes were still closed and instead of opening them to look at her, he leaned his head forward so that his forehead touched hers. It felt more intimate than the kiss they had shared, and it made Emma extremely uncomfortable, even though she didn’t want to feel that way.

“Emma…” Killian’s voice almost sounded broken, like he was afraid she would tell him it was a one time thing again, which was ridiculous since they were….dating. But at the same time, Emma could see why he might think that. Or maybe she was overthinking things. Looking for an excuse so that she wouldn’t be too hurt when he decided to end things. Except…she didn’t think Killian would ever want to end things. And she wasn’t sure which scared her more, him wanting to leave her or him never wanting to leave her, so she decided to deflect instead.

She took a step back from him. “This isn’t a regular snowstorm. I think this is the Snow Queen.” Emma said as she headed toward the window. In the short time that she and Killian had been together, there seemed to already be a foot or two of snow on the ground.

“I gathered that, love, seeing as it’s too early for snow storms of this caliber, even being this far north.” She arched an eyebrow at him regarding his knowledge about Maine’s seasons, and he gave her a smile back. Maybe her fears were just that - fears. Why else would he change his entire wardrobe, hang out with her family, and learn about Storybrooke if he wasn’t planning on sticking around?

“She wasn’t happy about me not wanting to be her sister. She keeps trying to convince me that no one can love me with my magic. From what Elsa told me, magic isn’t abundant in Arendelle. People are afraid of it there, so I’m guessing the Snow Queen has some traumatic backstory that makes her think she knows everything there is to know about how people feel about magic.” Killian nodded, waiting for her to continue. That was something she’d never had, someone who actually listened to her. When she was younger she’d just been some dumb kid. And now her parents were too busy with their own traumas and trying to finally raise a child from birth. Well, Emma really couldn’t blame them for wanting that. That feeling of finding out she hadn’t raised Henry when she got her memories back was devastating. The fact that Regina basically gave her a do over, well, at least she still had those false memories to hold onto. Emma realized she’d gone off on a tangent in her head. Killian was still expectantly waiting for her to go on.

“She keeps calling me a monster, which I’m not. I have saved people with my magic.” She was angry now, which did nothing to keep the sparks at bay.

“I can attest to that, Swan. Without your magic, I’d be without my shadow, dead on Neverland. Or killed by a giant icicle that the Snow Queen conjured up.” Killian walked over to her because she’d apparently been pacing in front of the window as more and more flakes floated to the ground. It would have been beautiful if it wasn’t a threat from the Snow Queen. He took her hands in his and Emma was afraid that her magic would hurt him like it did Henry, but he didn’t even seem to notice it. “I’m a fan of every part of you. That includes your magic. You wouldn’t be the woman I’ve been chasing after without it.” He kissed the knuckles on both hands, which in the past would have made her squirm (in a good and bad way), but in this instance, it only reassured her. And because Emma couldn’t think of anything as poetic to say in return, she pulled him close and kissed him.

Their bodies melded into one as they walked over toward the small bed set up in the corner of the cabin. Emma certainly hadn’t expected this turn of events to happen tonight, but she couldn’t say she was sorry about it. Except when her knees hit the frame and she sat down, Killian did not follow her down, her lips chasing his as he backed away. He stayed standing and looked at her with something akin to fear behind his eyes.

“Before this goes any further, Emma, I have something to confess.”

—---

Killian hadn’t expected the day to take this turn. He’d come here to talk to Emma, to convince her to come back to the loft, and maybe convince her that everything the Snow Queen was saying to her was a load of rubbish. He hadn’t thought that things would lead to a bed. And despite having been a pirate for hundreds of years and having many a man’s wife, he didn’t want to do this with Emma with this secret hanging over his head.

Emma was staring at him, her face still flushed from their heated kiss. He was nervous, a feeling he hadn’t had since he became a pirate and raided his first ship. He was positive this was even more nerve wracking than that, because revealing his deal with Gold and what he’d been compelled to do might make Emma hate him. And while he could deal with any assortment of emotions from Emma, hate was the one that would undo him.

“I’m afraid I’ve been lying to you,” he began. Killian could see Emma’s face immediately fall, but he knew he had to get this out if he wanted any type of future with her. “Gold has been lying to Belle about the dagger. He gave her a fake, and I knew, so I blackmailed him. It’s how Elsa and I found the Snow Queen in the forest, and then how I got my hand returned to me for our date.” He was staring at the floorboards of the cabin as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointed look on Emma’s face, so he soldiered on and continued his tale. “Gold blackmailed me into helping him. He has a hat that collects magic powers. He forced me to collect a magical old man that he had some vendetta against. He knew I’d do whatever it takes to be with you, and he used it against me.” Tears stung his eyes as he spit the words out as fast as he could so he could get everything out. “I just wanted to be a better man for you, Swan.” He dared to peek up at her at this point. Her expression was one he’d never seen before and that made his heart drop into his stomach. “But I failed. And now because of it, I might lose you. I’m sorry.” He knew his apology was probably worthless, but he also knew it had to be said. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, head still tilted toward the floor. It felt like hours though he knew it was most likely only seconds. He hadn’t realized his hand was clenched until he felt a warmth radiating around it. He looked  to see Emma holding his hand in hers. She didn’t look afraid, or upset, or filled with hatred, she looked concerned.

“Killian,” she breathed out a sigh. “You never have to be anyone but who you already are. I fell in love with Captain Hook, the pirate. You know I wanted you at the beanstalk and that’s why I left you up there. It wasn’t you I didn’t trust, it was myself. I…I’m not good with words like you are, but Killian Jones,” she moved directly into his line of sight so they could see eye to eye, “I love you.”

The world seemed to have gone silent after her declaration. Never in a million years would Killian have thought Emma would be the one to say ‘I love you’ first. He’d known from the first moment he’d met her that he could possibly fall for her, but his need to get revenge for Milah had still been too strong. It wasn’t until he saw how desperate she was to find her son and had offered his services in Neverland that he realized just how much he’d already fallen. And then, of course, after their first kiss and subsequent admission in the Echo Caves, he knew she was the one he would give up his revenge for. 

Emma’s eyes had a watery sheen to them and Killian realized he’d probably been in shock far longer than he intended to. He could feel the sparks emanating from her hands that were still holding his, though slightly looser. He wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t said anything back or due to her unpredictable magic.

“Emma Swan,” he said, grabbing her small hand in his larger one. “Make no mistake. I love you too. I just never thought you’d admit it first.” Killian chuckled and saw Emma’s shoulders relax at his admission. She melted into his chest and he brought his arms around her in an embrace. He was sure Emma could feel his heart racing and he couldn’t help but smile at that. They stayed that way for a few minutes, just feeling the warmth from each other, listening to the crackling of the fire and the wind from the snowstorm outside. 

“I think you help my magic.” Emma said so quietly that Killian almost thought he imagined she had spoken. She pulled away slowly, putting her hands up so they could both see that the sparks had disappeared. “Elsa told me her sister’s love helped her control magic, and I’ve noticed that when I’m around you I can control it better. Usually. Yesterday notwithstanding.” Killian nodded in understanding. Just like her powers to detect when someone is lying, all her powers seemed to go awry when she was overly stressed. Killian kissed the top of her head in reassurance.

“Emma, you love me. I never thought I’d find that again. I’m honored that our love helps you.” Emma smiled at his words before leading him back to the couch where they sat huddled together. Emma practiced her magic by floating logs onto the fire. She laughed as she did it with ease. 

After a few moments of contemplative reflection (and stolen kisses) in front of the fire, Emma finally addressed what Killian had confessed earlier. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you blackmailed Gold and then he blackmailed you right back.” Killian froze, but Emma snuggled in closer to him. “We can discuss it later. Right now, I just want to act like a normal couple sitting in front of a fire on a snowy day without thinking about Snow Queens and Dark Ones and magic fairytale nonsense.” Killian kissed her temple, smiling against her hair. Emma grabbed his hand and hook and brought it to her lap as she rested her head against his shoulder. 

The Snow Queen may have tried to convince his Swan that her magic made her a monster, but to Killian, her magic made her the most amazing woman he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. He could only hope that whatever the Snow Queen threw at them next, that Emma used her love to defeat her. Killian vowed that he would stand by her no matter what because he knew Emma was his happy ending, the one, as a former villain, he never dared to hope he could ever have.

Tag List: (Let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@profdanglaisstuff​ @thisonesatellite​ @mariakov81​ @hollyethecurious​ @winterbaby89​ @jennjenn615​ @kmomof4​ @superchocovian​ @lfh1226-linda​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx​  @qualitycoffeethings​ @snowbellewells​ @courtorderedcake​ @klynn-stormz​ @tiganasummertree​ @therooksshiningknight @teamhook​ @deckerstarblanche​ @onceratheart18​ @the-darkdragonfly​​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​​ @earanemith​

[anistarrose]

20 questions for fic writers, tagged by @holdmecloser-gandydancer (thanks reese!) tagging @fexalted @3hobbitsinatrenchcoat @novantinuum and anyone else who wants to!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

86, very soon to be 87!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

397,102. my god.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The majority (over half) of my total fics on AO3 are Gravity Falls, but my current passion right now is obviously TAZ Balance, which is a pretty close runner-up. TOH is a lot further behind, but I have at least one WIP I want to finish up early next year!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Sunny Day (Gravity Falls), Tulip's Return (Infinity Train), Stan and Ford Vs. The Future (GF), Fateful Detours (GF/IT crossover), Missteps and Miscommunication (GF).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually, and especially when they give me a chance to infodump about the writing process! I just don't necessarily respond quickly lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In recent memory, it might be but the strange lights in the sky were shining (TAZ). I write more happy/bittersweet endings than sad ones, but that one... that one has one of my absolute favorite twists :)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

to eat from a poisoned plate (TAZ) is one that I almost didn't write a happy ending for, but I'm so glad that I did, because I go back and reread that one a lot, admittedly.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Usually no more than annoying but generic "please update" comments, but back in the Gravity Falls fandom, there was this one person that you've probably heard of/encountered if you wrote a lot about Bill Cipher back in the day.

They were a guest account user who'd get so mad if you killed off Bill, to the point of making threats (albeit exaggerated, not really realistic ones), and also one time they told me I should go read a particular MLP fic and take inspiration from it in my own. Which, no shade against MLP, but as someone who's never been in that fandom, that's literally the funniest entitled comment I've received in my life.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope, but I do occasionally write characters being horny. There's a huge difference between those things for me, and that probably has everything to do with where I lie on the ace spectrum lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

A couple times, though I used to be way more into them than I am now. There was the aforementioned GF/Infinity Train one, and my gateway into writing TAZ fic was actually a very silly "what if the Pines family were the protags of TAZ Balance" fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and fingers crossed it doesn't happen 🤞

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a few times! My buddy @yourbonesarenowmycoat translated several of my Gravity Falls fics into Spanish back in the day, for one thing!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This should come as no surprise but it's Blupjeans forever and ever <3

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, god. Probably the one that I wrote like 9 chapters (out of 10 planned ones) to cope with being chronically ill and to convince myself to go to therapy, and then abruptly stopped writing when it was almost done because I figured out how to manage my chronic illness and soon after, started going to therapy. On the one hand, it would be tragic for it to never see the light of day, but on the other hand, it kinda... served its purpose for me already?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fic as character study! Sometimes I set out with the goal of elucidating a particular theme or character motivation, and sometimes it just happens along the way, but I am a genius with regards to character analysis and my brain is galaxy and I'm not afraid to share it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue is one thing for sure, I get a lot of compliments on it but it's also such a challenge for me. Possibly because I, personally, don't talk like a remotely normal human person irl. The other thing is brevity and killing my darlings — I literally can't count the number of times one of my fics exceeded the expected word count by orders of magnitude.

The aforementioned character study thing? Yeah, that's also a weakness, because a lot of my fics (even including some very, very long ones!) exist to explore themes I couldn't figure out how to word in a simple headcanon post. In fact, I'm probably gonna post a fic of that exact variety this weekend, lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Definitely not fluent enough in any language to do it on any larger scale, unless I get serious about learning Spanish again.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Not on AO3, but in general, it was definitely Pokémon! I was writing time travel stories set in Sinnoh before Legends Arceus made it cool.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

As previously mentioned... probably "to eat from a poisoned plate". In the vaguest possible terms, learning to love cooking again in spite of some prior bad experiences has been a struggle for me, too, and I truly think that without having written that fic, I wouldn't be succeeding.

On a related note, I'm about to spend my afternoon making a blueberry pie.

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

42-51 for cirino <3

Ask Game

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

Admittedly I have never seen a single tedtalk. But honestly Cirino would probably give a talk on financials. He knows a lot about money and the laws surrounding it. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

Cirino has integrated pretty well, he has a good understanding of the peoples and cultures around him and in relation to his own. So then we kind of get into just how he was raised and reacted to that upbringing, which is EMOTION. He's awful at interpreting emotions correctly in regards to himself. He's very good at apologising though. Smooth man. What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

Spanish according to Google. He's a native Italian speaker and supposedly Spanish is the closest. That being said he learned English second, Catalan third. lmao. What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Gucci. And not even for any noble reason, he just thinks gucci products are ugly. Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

A talker. Cirino likes talking and he enjoys being heard even more. He's not a bad listener though! It's just most of the circumstances he's listening in are to then use those words against others. He prefers to talk. Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

Probably the woman he didn't even know got pregnant uh anyways. (Angela Ford ftr) Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

Alee. I'd say Heath but Cirino could actually probably talk Heath out of going to do the thing. Alee? Not so much. Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

Yeah lmao, but he's not very picky so its rare. What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

That everybody and anybody is a tool to be used. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

"Tesoro~"

[atlsportsstan]

INSTANT REACTIONS: Falcons fall in the Motor City.

Okay. So that was something. The Atlanta Falcons just took their first loss of 2023 in a 20-6 finish against the Detroit Lions. I watched all but maybe 2 snaps, and am here to basically recap the game. I will also tell you what has to change for the Falcons in order for them to go across the pond and take a win from the Jacksonville Jaguars. Welcome to the post game recap.

Okay, so before I rant about the game, I have some words for FOX Sports. What the hell? I was trying to stream it on the Xbox application, and it crashed about 5 times during the game. Keep in mind I was watching college football all day yesterday on ESPN, and eventually the FOX Sports app. The entire day of streaming, which started with the Georgia game at 7:30, and I did not get one delay. Come on now FOX. We’re better than this. Anyways, let’s talk about this game.

Let’s talk about the offense, because this is where the root of all of our problems come from. It is very easy to look at Desmond Ridder’s stats and put all of the blame on him. However, even though Ridder throwing for 201 yards on 55 completion percentage is not good, he very rarely had any time to do anything with the football. A Lions defense, who had 1 total sack coming into today, had 7 sacks on Ridder and 8 QB hits. Ridder also did not hit on a majority of his throws when the pocket was clean, I’m not denying that. But if the Falcons offensive line can return to the form they had last year, this offense can be dangerous. But, the Falcons bread and butter is their running game. That’s exactly what every single soul watching that game said as they watched Arthur Smith call double the amount of passing plays as rushing plays. Bijian could never get it going. Couple that with the Falcons being down early, and we can never get the play action going and that leads us to our ultimate demise.

Enough about the offensive side of the ball. How did the defense do? Despite playing against Jared Goff, who has always been regarded as a pocket passer, this defensive line registered a big goose egg in the sack column. Our defensive backs looked lost, with the exceptions of AJ Terrell and Jesse Bates. Detroit only did it with 4 total players targeted in the air, and they just torched our zone coverage. I did not entirely hate the game our defense played. I’d say the average team would win a game like this 7/10 times.

In an afternoon full of negatives, there were a couple of positives. For example, one thing the Falcons have had problems with in the past were penalties. However, with Ford Field being at 99% capacity, the Falcons only registered 4 total penalties, totaling 24 yards. Jessie Bates caught his 3rd interception is basically the same fashion as his first 2. That’s about it for the positives. I wasn’t joking when I said a couple. It was very had to watch.

But, tomorrow is a new day. How can the Falcons go into London and take a win against the 1-2 Jaguars? The offensive line has to keep Ridder’s white jersey clean. This is the same problem we had with Matt Ryan where we have the weapons to torch defenses, but never enough time in the pocket to do anything with it. We also have to get the ground game going early, while getting Lawrence on the London soil.

All in all, today will go down as an outlier in this season. Arthur Smith should not and will not let this slide. This is a one-time occurrence and we have to play better to beat Jacksonville. That’s all I got. Hopefully, I get NFL+ to make a full breakdown of this game and post it to YouTube. But only time will tell. I hope you guys enjoyed and stay tuned for more sports content. Thanks for reading, and I’ll catch you on the other side.

[jacky-rubou]

I totally agree with you on the fan episode, the way they portrayed Ford made me feel uncomfy. Like they did good on mostly everything else but Ford was not in character.

Anyway just thought to say it cus I thought I was the only one! Have a lovely day :)

He was so off. It felt like they just did not have a good grasp on who he is as a character and just used their apparent bias against him when writing him. Everything was a gotcha against him. Everything he did and said was shoved in as 'proof' he's horrible. Even though Ford would never do or say what they made him do and say. It felt forced. The literal victim of the memory gun, who had an incredibly difficult time even erasing Stan's memory when he needed to, would not even dare think of erasing the memories of the niblings he loves dearly. Not even if they found out about the Rift. Not even then.

it screws up the reunion between him and Fiddleford, which is about the worst thing they could've done. It's like they weren't paying attention when Ford showed signs of deep regret when it came to Fiddleford (I'm sorry Fiddleford on the mind reader, his whole, self deprecating 'you must hate me' schtick at their real reunion) and pretended that he would somehow still be a bitch to him after all the years of guilt weighing on him or something.

The creator replied to a comment asking when it took place and they said it was 'probably just before DaMtF' and all I wanna say is the fact that Ford was so outwardly distrustful of Mabel to an incredibly abrasive degree was just... so wrong. Ford literally trusted her with the unicorn hair mission like, a couple days ago if that's when this took place, you'd think he'd remember trusting her then. But now he's suddenly not trusting her at all?? But now he's acting as if she's not the good person he literally told to her face that she was?? Ford's using Dipper for his loyalty and being a manipulative ass now??? wtf dude.

Not to mention, the fact the episode is basically ragging on him for having trust issues after a literal demon damaged his ability to trust easily and he had to trust only himself for years in the portal to survive because trusting the wrong person could literally have gotten him killed out there, ignoring how much trauma this man has faced in regards to trust and pretending that Ford should trust practical strangers (Soos and Wendy mainly) with the fate of the world right away or he's horrible for trying to protect his family from being Bill's targets. And then not letting any character show any sympathy for his trust issues and the narrative rewards them for guilt tripping Ford for something he needs time and patience to recover from by forcing him to apologize for not trusting them (I'd kinda agree with apologizing for being the bitch he was in this episode, but not the trust issues, though the fact he was bitchier here than in canon doesn't paint any favors either). You don't just 'get over' trust issues like that.

anyway, I could probably rant all day about how awful this version of Ford really was, but I do not care to think about this time waster of an episode any longer. and I don't wanna have to watch it again to clear up my points. thanks for the solidarity in this trying time of being a Ford fan.

[braveparanoiac]

What’s the lie your character says most often?

It took me, personally, too long to think of the right answer. Truthfully you both gave me questions that sort of stumped me. This one shouldn't have, though - there's a very obvious answer - his height, his tattoo, and some things regarding Bill.

I want to get into the specifics of the last one, though, because I don't think I've gotten into the details of it. I want to preface with abuse shouldn't be romanticized and that what Ford went through isn't ideal or okay whatsoever.

However, personally, I think Ford and Bill have romantic feelings for each other. Have, yes - Ford still has these, and this is the particular thing I think he lies about the ABSOLUTE most. I think he tries to even lie to himself about it some days that those feelings aren't still there, simply because of the combination of all the times Bill has hurt him or his family and the resulting trauma it has in his brain. It's extremely rare when you can get him to be completely honest about the love/hate he feels towards Bill. It's something he's also still not fully over. I think, ideally, he'd prefer to have his idea of Bill back, even if he'd be worshipping and admiring Bill in the most literal and unhealthy sense of the words. That version of Bill is the person he (romantically) loves most. He probably projected this image of Bill early on while going through grief of realizing that person never existed. I think he likely started to love the way Bill was and still is now. And I think to a certain degree, he liked the degradation he got in Weirdmageddon, where he was pretty much chained up and objectified as some sort of pet or trophy for his "Muse." Not that any of this is healthy and ideal for people, mind you - this is simply how I think Ford thinks and feels and you will be catching this in my portrayal.

But he also currently can't forgive Bill for all the wrong he has done. Bill really is his greatest enemy and if he could be confident that killing him now would mean he'd be gone forever, I think he would kill him, despite the fact that he loves him. Currently he has doubts that it'd work, however - while he does not care for Bill, he also has no reason to believe he wouldn't come back to life once more. Which is one of the reasons why he prefers to keep Bill around on the boat - he thinks it's the next best thing. The other reason being, of course, that no matter what, he will love Bill. And it'd take specific situations I think for him to stop and admit all of it - that he loves him and can't seem to get over it but also despises him with all of his being at this time. Which... has technically happened. Raoul admitting he too has gone through something similar got Ford to admit it. Raoul, and then maybe Stan? Maybe Bill? Are likely the only other people that know about the complicated ...everything... Ford has towards Bill.

And as a note, you do not have to forgive your abusers. In fact uh??? Please don't??? Do that??? But, it's possible for my portrayal to go into that direction regarding Bill and Ford after LOTS of development. And as always, if any of this needs to be tagged for anyone specifically in the future, do let me know.

tdlr: ford misses the person he thought he knew perhaps way too much and will lie to others about it, and in extreme cases, also lies to himself about it, a lot. Number one thing on his list he frequently lies about. Doesn't help that Bill is on the boat with the twins.

[samtheflamingomain]

on hope and disappointment.

I was instilled with 2 fundamental ideals as a young child of extremely nihilistic parents. First: "Aim low and avoid disappointment". Second, perhaps contradicting the first, "Always vote, no exception."

And I've followed both to this day. Well, except yesterday when, for the first time in 9 years of voting, I didn't.

And the guy I hate won. But I knew that. Everyone knew that.

Our voting is almost identical to that in the States; we elect our local representative and they get a seat in Provincial Parliament (our State Senate). I knew my area was going to be Orange no matter what. And it was. I still feel a bit bad because I always harass others to vote, but this time was different.

It felt like a waste of bus fare. I know my girl is winning here, but I know that dude is winning overall. The only thing my vote would've done was to up the voter turnout. And I realized that. And stayed home because of that fact alone.

Because, after a week of blaming the 57% of Ontarians who didn't vote, we'll turn that number in a shining beacon of our desperate need for electoral reform. At least, that's what I hope can come out of this.

Hope. That's where I'd like to reintroduce "aim low and avoid disappointment". While I still do this, and I'm one of the most pessimistic people I know, I'm also one of the most optimistic in one singular sense: hope.

It takes a fuck of a lot of aiming low to get me to a place where I don't have hope. I've been diagnosed with an incurable, rarely-even-treatable disease, IH. I'm finally starting a new med next week, and while I'm 99% ready for it to do absolutely nothing just like the cocaine-level dose of Adderall I'm on. Still 10/10 tired every day all day.

But no matter how low I aim, it's never low enough for zero hope. Because, while I don't think the new med will work, it could. There's always, always a chance. It's why I've never refused any kind of mental health treatment, including ECT and rTMS. There's always been hope that the right drug is the next one. This is my last try, though, because it's literally the only option. Then my chances of waking up again become as close to 0 as possible. At that point, regarding my IH, I will be out of hope.

And while I "knew" when I hit the subreddit this morning, I still had that sliver of hope that the NDP would eke this one out somehow. But it rarely gets easier to have hope dashed, even 1% of it. Before today, I had that bit of hope that I'll get a raise to my disability so I'm not living in abject poverty. Now that hope, too, is gone.

Maybe I need to aim lower.

Usually, if I'd woken up to a 43% voter turnout, and after the math, realizing that about 14% of Ontarians decided the election, I'd be livid. But I'm not. I'm not even disappointed, because I did aim low enough to avoid that. But I am hopeless. For 5 more years, minimum wage and disability won't go up. Health care will be privatized. Teachers are likely to strike come September. Nurses will be walking off the job.

I'd usually be angry at my fellow Ontarians for not voting. But as someone who also didn't vote, I don't have that right. But I also don't believe it this time.

Our system is so broken that Ford won a majority government by 14% of people deciding so. Another 10, 20, 30%, this time, I don't think would've mattered much.

Add in that we all knew he was going to win again, and I don't blame anyone who didn't vote. This time, your vote really didn't matter much.

But I still had a right to my hope. And even when it's as miniscule as 1%, it still hurts to have that hope disappear. I've been mourning my chances of waking up again reaching near-0 for months. This one was more like ripping off a bandaid. You know it'll need doing eventually, and prepare for it and the sting is gone pretty quick and replaced with a milder form of pain that sticks around a bit but which, too, fizzles away quickly.

I've been planning my suicide since I discovered what IH was and that I was sure I had it. (Got a formal diagnosis last month). When I read up on it and found case after case of nobody ever waking up, no studies, no meds... hope seemed lost. But there's still this one drug that might improve my quality of life enough to live in poverty. My 1% of hope.

I had one (1) exception - if the Conservatives lost the Provincial election. Because that would mean I'd get an increase to my disability. And that might improve my quality of life enough to live with 10/10 fatigue. My 1% of hope.

In 3 weeks, I'll know if the drug does something. In 3 weeks, in the 2 categories of "stuff ruining my life", I will have 0 hope left. And that's going to be the most painful loss of hope in my entire life, because it will mean the end of it.

Aim low and avoid disappointment, Flamingos.

[halfmoondaze]

Suspicions

Part 1

Their love blossomed the more the saw each other.

Being aware of the unwanted attention and hate that could come with dating in the entertainment industry, Jack and Y/N made their best to keep their relationship out of the spotlight, especially now that all eyes were on them following the release of their collab song “Fragments”. 

Jack being previously involved in several relationships, he felt different about this one. It felt genuine and pure. It was the only think that was only his and naturally, he felt the need to protect it as much as he could. 

Seeing at first hand the scrutiny that can come with opening the door to unsolicited opinions of people hiding behind a screen; about the ones closest to him, he decided to maintain a low profile. 

Following the Met Gala, rumors started going around that y/n and Jack Harlow were seen leaving together the Tom Ford Met Gala After Party. 

The following morning Jack made an appearance at Power 106 Los Angeles radio station.

“We have Jack Harlow in here. Thanks for stopping by” 

“Of course. It’s good to be here” 

“You must be tired from last night” 

“So the met gala was last night. How was it?” 

“Well, I heard about the Met Gala growing up but it wasn’t until the last few years that I really figured what is was. It wasn’t neccesarily something I fantasized about as a kid but being invited to the it, made me feel good. Made me feel validated” 

“Y/N was also there”. 

“She was” 

“You guys collaborated on her song ‘Fragments’. Did you got to record the song together?” 

“No, but she’s a great artist. I’ve been wanting to do that for some time, and I figured it was time” 

“So, a few weeks prior to the release, you guys did a live together and you seemed like you had great chemistry. Is there anything there?” 

“Nah, we're just friends. Can we get back to the music?” 

“Yeah, yeah back to the music. We were talking about this Rolling Stone Interview…”

Following this interview, every interview he did after that, the same question regarding his relationship status kept being brought up. And he was getting frustrated about it, and it got to a point where he started saying he was single in hopes the rumors would die down. 

When Jack arrived back to y/n’s apartment after doing interviews all day, she found Y/N laying on the couch mindlessly scrolling through her phone. 

Upon noticing him she dropped her phone and shifted her attention to him. 

“Hey, how was the interview?” 

Jack leaned to her and pecked her lips. 

“Its was alright, they asked me about the Met Gala, my music, you…”

“What did you say?” 

“I kind of diverted the attention to the music”

“Oh” 

“What was that?” 

“What was what?”

“That. Your mood shifted when I said I changed the subject” 

“It’s nothing” she said getting up from the couch. 

“Clearly something is bothering you. You can tell me” 

You sighed. 

“Jack what is this?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know why I get the feeling youre planning on hiding our relationship for the sake of your career” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“You keep telling everyone who asks that you’re single”

“Y/N is not like that. Im just trying to protect you, I don’t want you to have to deal with all that shit” 

“And you though it would be a good idea to say you were single?” 

“Y/N-” 

“I’m not trying to put you in an uncomfortable spot here. But its hard to see you being flirty with everyone else and denying that we are together. It feels like you’re trying to hide me and it hurts. I don’t want to be your secret” 

“I know, I know. I just need more time” 

He pulled her into his embrace, and he held her for a while. Y/N decided to just drop the subject because she really didn’t want to start an argument, but she held onto his last sentence. 

Ignoring his management advice, he decided to push back the release date of his album. which was initially set to be released on May 6.  

The following day, he announced on his Instagram the new release date with the official tracklist.

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jackharlow: 5.06.22

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metta_conchetta sheeeeeeesh

jhfan 1 👀

djdrama king shit

jhfan 2 My bday. Thanks Jack

jhfan 3 drop it now

fergie 🔥🔥🔥🔥

However this move, created a lot of discussion on twitter, regarding the new song he added on the tracklist, "Lil Secret".

What everyone didn't know was that there was a new song added to it. "Blade Of Grass".

After his last conversation with Y/N, he spent the following week at the studio, and he barely was able to see y/n as he ; and this obviously lead to more arguments.

Jack could only bite his tongue and make everything to diffuse the situation but he was scared that this could be the reason he could lose her.

On June 5th, the album released. And everyone was talking about it. Especially about "Blade Of Grass"

At the end of the song, you can hear y/n faint laughter before the song ends.

The following morning Jack posted on his Instagram.

jackharlow: Met you in the dark, tryna put the light on you

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Comments are off

[jonesyjonesyjonesy]

heyyy, this is my first ask ever on this page so I'm not exactly sure how to start this, so ill just get right to it from one jonesy/zeppelin stan to another.

Robert apparently wrote Carouselambra about him being frustrated with Jonesy and Jimmy not being there for him after his son karac passed away,,, the song itself is great inho, it's my favorite off of ittod besides in the evening. The situation was tragic enough on it own, but it also put a huge strain on the relationships between the band members, it seems like. I can't pretend I know a whole lot about that part of their history in particular, just wanted to hear your take on it.

Hello my dear!! Welcome to my asks! I hope it is a cozy and pleasant experience. You are always welcome, no matter how inane, as I myself am the queen of inanity (I'm claiming it here and now folks).

^^ look at these boys in their 30s (36, 34, and almost 32 respectively, dear god)

In Through the Out Door is generally pretty fascinating. 'Carouselambra' in and of itself I think is one of those tracks that if it had been deeper into the canon (as if Zep had been able to make more albums), it would have been openly considered a masterpiece. That's actually how I feel about the whole album, but...instead, it causes consternation.

The track itself is one of my favorites as well. It's like Space Jam but everyone's on drugs and having a midlife crisis and WOW it's good. The actual inspiration for the track, as you say, I think was a combination of the highs and lows of Zeppelin and this includes Karac's death and the aftermath. 'Carouselambra' was originally called 'The Epic' -- I like to imagine the epic poetry it was being likened too and if epic poetry was still written and consumed the way we consume Homer and Virgil, that Zeppelin would be a perfect candidate. 'Tales of Brave Ulysses' could never.

The general consensus is that 'The Epic' was renamed 'Carouselambra' because that's what being in Zeppelin was like. Around and around on this gaudy mechanical and in the process these tragic things were happening and you only got fast glances at them or missed out on important things. And in the case of Karac, I'm sure Robert was grappling with the fact he just wasn't around (and I believe he's said as much).

This culminating with Jonesy and Jimmle not being at the funeral, which at the time, Robert had apparently said to Richard Cole, “Maybe they don’t have as much respect for me as I do for them. Maybe they’re not the friends I thought they were.”

Which is understandable! I mean, anyone that close to you dying, let alone a child. You would want your friends there (...if Robert considered Jonesy a "friend" to me is debatable considering his supposed tongue-in-cheek offer to Lita Ford to be the bassist for Zep in '77, but I'm just a bitter Jonesy stan (and I have plenty of theories and ideas about the Jones/Plant dynamic)). From what I've read, Jonesy was on family holiday, I imagine continuing with Maureen and the girls in the RV they rented for the second leg of the '77 tour -- he stole away after the Oakland debacle and drove it up to Seattle (this is from a glancing in Mick Wall's When Giants Walked the Earth, which I'm currently reading). Can that man get any more precious? And Jimmy was...Jimmy, heroin and all, although he's been quoted saying "We were all mates. We had to give the man some space.”

Potentially illustrating this, Robert commented on this in 2005: “The other guys were [from] the South [of England] and didn’t have the same type of social etiquette that we have up here in the North that could actually bridge that uncomfortable chasm with all the sensitivities required … to console.”

By ITTOD, though, we have our "relatively clean" camp friends Jones and Robert leading the charge and, I hope, having some good heart to hearts and enjoying each others' company. I really do wish we had more from that time, of that dynamic because I think it's a really interesting blip on the timeline given their distance mostly (I believe Robert said in 1971 that he had just started becoming friends with Jonesy, which I don't find hard to believe considering their opposite natures).

And then you get 'Carouselambra', all the nonsense and the mayhem boiled down into "why the fuck are we doing this"-edness. The kids are getting older, the tour is now a slog, and now you've got back pain. Kind of a sad carousel at the end of the day. “The whole story of Led Zeppelin in its latter years is in that song, and I can’t hear the words," Plant said, regarding how his voice is mixed lower than the keyboard in the first half. And there they were, in their 30s, and punk was on the rise and let's be honest, rock n' roll has never been a "middle years" kind of game.

But TO ME, that adds to the theatricality, to the idea that everything WAS getting lost and muddled. It's a brilliant, most likely unanticipated homage in my mind and Led Zeppelin WAS theatrical for as much as it was about the music, it was about the mythos and fable as well.

As a side note, I really hate how ITTOD is talked about for the most part as this like "lame keyboard album" when in fact, if Zeppelin had continued, it would serve as an LZ III/HotH vibe to me in that they could do whatever they want so they did and wow it was great. That's just my opinion, though, and I can definitely chalk it up to bias and also my love for Jonesy's post-Zeppelin work that really showcased just how fucking marvelous he is.

oh my god this got so long how did this get so long

This is just my take...I'm sure many people would be ready to contest what I have to say and that's just fine. 'Southbound Saurez' is one of my favorite Zep tracks and I stand by it.

I hope this was worth the time, lovely. Thank you for appearing in the asks and I hope you return someday. It was really lovely to take a journey into the more "academic" side of Zep...turns out I know quite a bit and I'm pretty good at rustling through the interwebs to find all the quotes I wanted to locate!

Feel free to correct me or engage in discourse kindly. I don't have time for negativity, I just turned 26 after all.

let it be known this is literally 950 words

[ragingpancake]

Ancients bless you for writing McShep. ♥️ I would LOVE to read something about John finding out Rodney plays piano o.o ... And maybe Rodney finds out John plays guitar O.O ... And m a y b e they start playing together 🥺🥺🥺 Or really anything involving them and their respective instruments; it can go wherever you want. ♥️

A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay on this! Thank you so very much for sending me this prompt! I hope you enjoy it! There are a lot of things he thinks he’d rather be doing at two am. Sleep, for one thing, because it’s been a long few days and while the bed the SGC had offered him at Cheyenne Mountain wasn’t as comfortable as the child sized bed he’d grown used to in Atlantis, it served the purpose well enough. But it’s not just the Pegasus Galaxy that hates them and so here he is, driving down the familiar streets of Fort Carson on his way back to the rundown bar he’d left most of his people at about four hours earlier. He’s annoyed, but he also understands: the memorial service for Carson had been rough, his loss felt more acutely somehow here on Earth than it had been on Atlantis and so despite the fact that the bartender had to call him to round up his group of misfits and herd them back to the base, he won’t be too hard on them. Pulling into the bar parking lot, he parks the borrowed car and climbs out, and even from here, he can hear the noise coming from inside and there are a lot of things he expects to find, but as he pulls the door open and steps inside, this is… one hundred percent not one of those things. “Sing us a song you're the piano man

Sing us a song tonight

Well we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine—" Rodney spots him now and from his place at the piano, he falters, hitting the wrong keys in his haste to stand and wave, grinning broadly. “Hey! My buddy John! John! Hey! Come here!” John can tell, even from the doorway, that Rodney is completely wasted. His cheeks are flushed, eyes glazed, and Evan Lorne behind him isn’t in any better shape. The only one who appears to not be completely obliterated is Ronon, who’s leaning against the bar with an amused look on his face. John nods in his direction and walks over, never pulling his eyes from Rodney as he sinks back down onto the piano bench, resuming his rousingrendition of Piano Man while the left over stragglers in the bar hoot and holler, clearly enjoying the performance. “How long’s it been like this?” He asks Ronon. “Since ‘bout an hour after you left.” “Why didn’t you call me?” John asks and the look he gives the Satedan isn’t the most charitable. Ronon is not phased, merely shrugging one shoulder. “I dunno. Seems like he probably needed it. He’s had a hard time of it.” John can’t argue that. Out of everyone on Atlantis, he thinks Rodney was probably the closest to Carson. For all the ways they bickered and fought, there was a true friendship there, probably one of the most genuine friendships that Rodney’s ever had. Losing Carson was hard. He leans against the bar beside Ronon, arms crossed over his chest as he just watches, letting Rodney finish up and for the first time since the memorial, John really looks at him; he kind of wants to kick his own ass for not seeing it before, the weight of Rodney’s grief and guilt. Shit. “Yeah,” John sighs finally, making his way up to the bar stage before Rodney can be coerced into an encore performance. He supposes Rodney did need this. “Alright, buddy. C’mon. Time to go.” “But, but, but! John—” “Bar’s closing, pal. C’mon.” For a second, John thinks he’s going to have to enlist Ronon’s help in getting Rodney out, but it’s easy enough to manhandle him on his own, leaving Ronon to Lorne. --- The ride back to Cheyenne Mountain is mostly uneventful. Lorne passes out in the back seat, drooling on Ronon’s shoulder, while Rodney rambles incessantly about putting in an official request to bring a piano back to Atlantis, waxing poetic about all of the benefitsof music in regards to mental health. John placates him, promising he’ll make the request for the next Dedalus run and it seems to be good enough for Rodney who gives him a brilliant crooked smile. John hadn’t realized, until this moment, how long it’s actually seen since the last time he saw Rodney smile a real, genuine smile. Even though he knows it won’t last for much longer.

--- By the time they make it back to the mountain, it’s nearing 4am. Once again, Ronon takes Lorne, leaving John with Rodney and it’s easy enough to usher him back to John’s own quarters so he can keep an eye on him. Rodney’s gone quiet now and John imagines that the alcohol is starting to wear off, the feelings that Rodney had been trying so hard to suppress, creeping back in. “This isn’ my room,” Rodney slurs, and John shrugs. “I can take you there if you want. Just figured it’d be easier to keep an eye on you here.” “Oh,” Rodney says and not for the first time that night, John finds himself surprised by the scientist. He’d been gearing up for a fight, truthfully. Instead, Rodney trudges over to the bed and sits down, nearly pitching forward before John grips his shoulder, keeping him from toppling over. “Easy. I got ya.” And something shifts on Rodney’s face then. Here it comes, John thinks. “I should’a had Carson,” he says, voice strangely tight. “Fishing. We were supposed to go fishing. He wouldn’t have been in the city if I hadn’t—” “—Rodney,” John says, voice gentle. “You cannot go down this road, buddy. You know that. What happened to Carson is not your fault. You’re smart enough to know that.” “Maybe,” he says and he lets John guide him back down against the mattress. “But I should have gone. He was, he was a good friend, you know? So are you. Better than I deserve. So much better.” “That’s not true either,” and it’s these moments that the little cracks in Rodney are visible, the self-loathing thickening the air until it’s almost hard to breathe. “You’re a good guy, Rodney. A pain in the ass, sure, but you’re good. That’s why Carson liked you so much. He knew that. Even if you’re always trying to make sure no one actually sees you.” But they do. John does. He always has. “You gotta get some sleep, alright? We’re heading back tomorrow.” “Yeah,” Rodney agrees. “Yeah. ‘m tired. You should, you should sleep too.” “Don’t worry about me, buddy. Just get some sleep, alright? I’ll be here when you wake up.” And that’s all Rodney needs to close his eyes, the alcohol making it easier to drift into much needed sleep, leaving John to his own thoughts. There’s no point in sleeping now, he thinks. They’re due to Gate out in a few hours, so rather than even try, he reaches for the guitar he’d brought back with him, settling back into the chair across from the bed. He plucks the strings slowly, some long forgotten melody filling the quiet of the room as he watches Rodney sleep. They’ve lost a lot of people. Ford. Griffin. Abrams. Gall. Carson. Each of them have left their mark on all of them, carved into their hearts, their minds. John has spent so much time not letting himself feel, but tonight, it hits him all at once and for a moment, he can’t even breathe. They’ve lost. They keep losing and one day, he has no delusions about losing Rodney too, whether out in the field or to someone better than him, someone like Katie Brown. They have a finite amount of time, and it’s never been as clear to him before as it is now. Rodney is going to spend the rest of his life regretting not going on that damn fishing trip; John will regret not ordering Carson to stand down. It adds to the laundry list of all his other regrets, and he doesn’t think he has room for anymore. He knows what he must do. He settles back, strumming again against the strings, eyes never leaving Rodney’s face. Tomorrow, he decides. Tomorrow, when Rodney’s sobered up, when they’re back home on Atlantis, John will tell him. Maybe they can help each other navigate through the hurt, the loss, and for once… for once, they can deal with what they’re feeling together instead of alone. It’s at least worth a try.