#Time kind of. Stopped passing right definitely in 2016

[miraphoenix]

I'm still not okay with kids born in 2000 being not only able to drink in the USA, but also applying to graduate schools.

But it just hit me like a hammer to the gut that in 2 years, 1 month, kids born in 2010 will start being able to drive in the USA.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Amanda Marcotte at Salon:

People are saying if you have a conservative family member, don't invite them to Thanksgiving or Christmas. Like, stay away from them," TikToker Brooker Tee Jones complained. "If that is happening, the devil is definitely winning."  After the November election, a rowdy debate erupted in online spaces over whether it's acceptable to cut off family and friends because of how they voted. Supporters of Kamala Harris expressed a range of views, from a reluctance to burn bridges to a "screw 'em all" mentality. "It's okay to shame someone for doing something shameful," feminist writer Jessica Valenti argued on Instagram. Shunning those who voted for Donald Trump, she added, was "a reasonable response by those of us who are disgusted, anxious, and afraid."

Some on the "Hysteria" podcast agreed with Valenti. But guest Megan Gailey said, "If you think you can bring them over, bring them over." Errin Haines agreed: "We cannot give up on our friends, our family. I think there was too much of that, frankly, after 2016." But that's a liberal podcast, so of course the panelists also offered reassurances that it's OK to disown family members if their Trump vote is "a symptom of larger issues." On the Trump-voter side of the debate, the sentiment has been nearly unanimous: It's an outrage if "woke" friends and family stop speaking to them. The only real disagreement among that cohort is whether this trend is literally the devil's work, or merely liberal "intolerance." One TikTok video that went viral featured a woman crying about being cut off and saying, "I'm completely heartbroken about my family taking it how they are. I never did this to them when Biden won." Conservatives have coined the phrase "vote-shaming," which seems to equate political and ideological conflict with personal choices regarding diet or sexuality. 

Estrangement has always been part of being human, but in recent months, we've seen a deluge of press coverage of the phenomenon. Most stories ignore the question of politics or mention it only in passing, instead blaming the seeming rise in family estrangement on social media, therapy culture and shifting cultural norms that prioritize individual happiness over familial duty. Yet an undercurrent of political tension rumbles right under the surface, a suspicion that this is tied to the increasing partisan polarization driven by the MAGA movement. Perhaps America's most famous estrangement story is the one involving Trump super-donor Elon Musk and his daughter Vivian Wilson, who has publicly denounced her father for refusing to accept her trans identity. Former Republican congressman Adam Kinzinger, who served on the House Jan. 6 committee, has repeatedly spoken out about members of his family disowning him over his opposition to Trump, who has threatened to throw Kinzinger in prison.  "On the day after the election, I had several calls from clients that they need to have an appointment as soon as possible," Dr. Farnoosh Nouri, a clinical assistant therapist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, told Salon. She reports that colleagues across the state are reporting the same. "One colleague had 33 calls the day after the election, new clients who wanted to come in." Before 2016, Nouri said, she had not witnessed this kind of political stress on families. After Trump's first win, she saw a spike in college students "struggling with going back home for Thanksgiving holidays, for Christmas holidays." Now the fear and stress are ramping up again. Across social media, the stories are mounting, both from liberals who wonder whether it's time to go no-contact with MAGA parents and from Trump voters who complain about "childish" offspring who no longer speak to them. Nouri's experiences are backed by new statistics from the Public Religion Research Institute, which found that "Democratic voters (23%) are nearly five times as likely as Republican voters (5%) to say they will be spending less time with certain family members because of their political views."

Salon posted a request on Reddit to interview adult children who factored politics into their decision to go no-contact with parents. The response was overwhelming. Contrary to the stereotypes that adult children who make this decision are being callous, impulsive or foolish, the respondents — many of whom said they were in therapy — spoke eloquently about what was often described as a long and emotional decision-making process. 

"I literally thought being a Democrat was a sin"

“I don't know anybody who's gone no-contact with their family just because of politics.” In saying that, a woman Salon will call Ellie echoed a sentiment that came up in nearly every interview with children who have cut off right-wing parents: It's not fair to reduce the dispute to mere political differences. (All adult children and parents interviewed in this article are identified by pseudonyms to protect their privacy.) Ellie's parents, she said, were "extremely, extremely religious" and "very physically violent." This is not uncommon in fundamentalist Christian households, where the biblical proverb about "sparing the rod" is regularly wielded to justify corporal punishment.  The problem, Ellie said, is that in many cases it's not possible "to separate what people believe in politically with their values as a whole." She argued that "Donald Trump and his administration and all these Republicans have been justifying abuse forever," which she compared to the ways her family used religion to rationalize abuse. 

"Children who choose to estrange themselves aren't making a little decision on a whim," explained Joshua Stein, a researcher who tracks online trends, especially those that intersect with psychology and bioethics. Stein has been collecting data on the online discourse about estrangement and says that many children who were raised according to the fundamentalist teachings of James Dobson and Michael Pearl "are now adults and are estranged from their parents." For many such adult children, he says, "It's not the fact that the person is MAGA. It's the fact that you do not feel that it is safe to be around them." Maureen was also raised by parents she describes as devotees of Dobson, a famous proponent of spanking children. "I literally thought being a Democrat was a sin," she said, laughing. "I was very encouraged to get married young, to an older man," she said, but found herself becoming more liberal over the years and eventually left him. Trump's election further strained her relationship with her parents. "I was raised with all the shame, like having sex before marriage was bad," but "then my family was just completely willing to embrace Donald Trump." "All the things that they told me Christianity stood for? No longer matters," Maureen said. Like many of the adult children who spoke with Salon, she went full no-contact with her parents during the COVID pandemic. 

[...]

Blaming "woke ideology"

"I was not invited to my daughter's wedding," Darlene told Salon. "That's how sick these people are, because how do you do that to a mom?" Quite a few parents who have become estranged from their children expressed interest in speaking with Salon, but most declined after learning they would be asked questions about their political views. Darlene was the exception. Like the adult children interviewed, she also saw a connection between politics and her personal situation.  "There's a mindset, there's an entitlement" in younger people, she said, which she believes has led to the government being "out of money." She added, "I don't have beaucoup bucks to just throw it out so that somebody else can make the decision as to how it gets spent, when it's not on the same values that I have." Darlene's daughter is a practicing nurse and aspiring country singer. Darlene says she gave her daughter money to start her band and record an album, but believed that "I was to have no say in how we went about promoting" the music and managing the band. Things turned out differently, in her view: "I just was to give the money and she was at will to do whatever she wanted with it." Darlene also blamed her son-in-law, whose family is "more left" and "very controlling," she believes. (Her daughter did not respond to a request for comment.) She felt that her daughter's unwillingness to speak with her was indicative of a larger social problem: "What's happening to this country if you can't sit down and have a civil conversation?” She felt that Americans are not "discussing what's actually happening to this country" or "trying to find solutions," but "keep raising taxes" instead. Similarly, she said her daughter would not "sit down with me and discuss what was happening with the money," but implied that "I was just to be quiet" when it came to her daughter's music career. 

[...]

Authoritarianism starts at home

Most estranged children and their defenders use intuitive arguments to defend their belief that the personal and political are intertwined. Social science, however, backs them up. One of the best predictors of authoritarian political beliefs — and likely Trump support — is how a person answers questions about the most desirable traits in children:

independence vs. respect for their elders

curiosity vs. good manners

self-reliance vs. obedience

being considerate vs. being well-behaved

People who prefer obedience over curiosity, independence or consideration tend to have authoritarian personalities. As political scientist Matthew MacWilliams found, authoritarians are more likely to be strong Trump supporters. This linkage makes sense, MacWilliams told Salon, because authoritarianism is all about in-group versus out-group thinking. In that worldview, children are expected to "conform to in-group norms, be obedient, be orderly, be disciplined."  MacWilliams added that it's not surprising to see politics become intertwined with personality issues in family estrangement cases. He characterized authoritarianism as a "worldview, a predisposition" more than an ideology, adding that "values and worldview drive politics," not the other way around. Authoritarian values, he said, are the "poison root" from which far-right politics and regressive attitudes on child-rearing both flow.  In her new book "Wild Faith: How the Christian Right Is Taking Over America," journalist Talia Lavin devotes the second half to exploring the widely-read marriage and parenting manuals of Christian nationalist subculture. These books or websites explicitly argue for hierarchical relationships, with women and children chastened to live their lives in unquestioning submission to patriarchal authority. As Lavin lays out in painful detail, this worldview is frequently enforced through violence, at least on children. The parenting manuals treat physical discipline not merely as an aspect of parenting, but as a parent's main tool. 

[...] Similar logic is echoed throughout anti-estrangement articles, such as the New York Times noting that "estranged children are likely to lose access to financial and emotional resources." No equivalence is drawn the parent side, even though it's also true that a parent who refuses to make peace with an adult child runs the emotional risk of losing that relationship permanently. Once again, the implicit assumption is that the lower-status person has a duty to maintain or restore harmony.  It is clearly true, as Coleman has argued, that the growth of individualistic values and greater economic freedom have created a context in which adult children can cut off contact with their parents, something that was often impossible for earlier generations. It doesn't follow, however, that such people have given up on "connectedness and interdependency and mutual reliance," as Coleman told NPR.

Most adult children who spoke with Salon did not seem lonely or disconnected from life. Most cited strong relationships with friends, other family members and romantic partners as giving them the strength to separate from parents they felt were harmful. Many spoke warmly of Reddit, which provided connections to other people in similar situations. On the estranged-parent forums, the term "found family" is sometimes uttered with evident contempt. Many of the adult children say they have simply found community. 

Could going no-contact with MAGA cultist parents be the right thing to protect your sanity?

See Also:

Everything Is Horrible: It May Not Be Safe to Remain Friends With MAGA

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Dennis Draughon, CBC

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

April 2, 2024

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

APR 03, 2024

Almost six months have passed since President Joe Biden asked Congress to appropriate money for Ukraine in a national security supplemental bill. At first, House Republicans said they would not pass such a bill without border security. Then, when a bipartisan group of senators actually produced a border security provision for the national security bill, they killed it, under orders from former president Trump. 

In February the Senate passed the national security supplemental bill with aid for Ukraine without the border measures by a strong bipartisan vote of 70 to 29. Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) cheered its passage, saying: “The national security bill passed by the Senate is of profound importance to America’s security.”

The measure would pass in the House by a bipartisan vote, but House speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) has refused to take it up, acting in concert with Trump. 

On March 24, on Washington Week, foreign affairs journalist Anne Applebaum said: “Trump has decided that he doesn’t want money to go to Ukraine… It's really an extraordinary moment; we have an out-of-power ex-president who is in effect dictating American foreign policy on behalf of a foreign dictator or with the interests of a foreign dictator in mind.” 

On Thursday, March 28, Beth Reinhard, Jon Swaine, and Aaron Schaffer of the Washington Post reported that Richard Grenell, an extremist who served as Trump’s acting director of national intelligence, has been traveling around the world to meet with far-right foreign leaders, “acting as a kind of shadow secretary of state, meeting with far-right leaders and movements, pledging Trump’s support and, at times, working against the current administration’s policies.”

Grenell, the authors say, is openly laying the groundwork for a president who will make common cause with authoritarian leaders and destroy partnerships with democratic allies. Trump has referred to Grenell as “my envoy,” and the Trump camp has suggested he is a frontrunner to become secretary of state if Trump is reelected in 2024. 

Applebaum was right: it is extraordinary that we have a former president who is now out of power running his own foreign policy. 

For most of U.S. history, there was an understanding that factionalism stopped at the water’s edge. Partisans might fight tooth and nail within the U.S., but they presented a united front to the rest of the world. That understanding was strong enough that it was not for nearly a half century that we had definitive proof that in 1968 Republican presidential candidate Richard Nixon had launched a secret effort to thwart incumbent president Lyndon Baines Johnson’s peace initiative to end the Vietnam War; Nixon had tried very hard to hide it. 

But the era of hiding attempts to undermine foreign policy ended in 2015, when 47 Republican senators openly warned Iranian officials that they would destroy any agreement Iran made with then-president Barack Obama, a Democrat, over nuclear weapons as soon as a Republican regained the White House. At the time it sparked a firestorm, although the senators involved could argue that they, too, should be considered the voice of the government.

It was apparently a short step from the idea that it was acceptable to undermine foreign policy decisions made by a Democratic president to the idea that it was acceptable to work with foreign operatives to change foreign policy. In late 2016, Trump’s then national security advisor Michael Flynn talked to Russian foreign minister Sergey Kislyak about relieving Russia of U.S. sanctions. Now, eight years later, Trump is conducting his own foreign policy, and it runs dead against what the administration, the Pentagon, and a majority of senators and representatives think is best for the nation.  

Likely expecting help from foreign countries, Trump is weakening the nation internationally to gain power at home. In that, he is retracing the steps of George Logan, who in 1798 as a private citizen set off for France to urge French officials to court popular American opinion in order to help throw George Washington’s party out of power and put Thomas Jefferson’s party in. 

Congress recognized that inviting foreign countries to interfere on behalf of one candidate or another would turn the United States into a vassal state, and when Logan arrived back on U.S. shores, he discovered that Congress had passed a 1799 law we now know as the Logan Act, making his actions a crime. 

The law reads: “Any citizen of the United States, wherever he may be, who, without authority of the United States, directly or indirectly commences or carries on any correspondence or intercourse with any foreign government or any officer or agent thereof, with intent to influence the measures or conduct of any foreign government or of any officer or agent thereof, in relation to any disputes or controversies with the United States, or to defeat the measures of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both.”

Trump’s interference in our foreign policy is weakening Ukraine, which desperately needs equipment to fight off Russia’s invasion. It is also warning partners and allies that they cannot rely on the United States, thus serving Russian president Vladimir Putin’s goal of fracturing the alliance standing against Russian aggression.  

Today, Lara Seligman, Stuart Lau, and Paul McLeary of Politico reported that officials at the meeting of North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) foreign ministers in Brussels on Thursday are expected to discuss moving the Ukraine Defense Contact Group from U.S. to NATO control. The Ukraine Defense Contact Group is an organization of 56 nations brought together in the early days of the conflict by U.S. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and then–Joint Chiefs chair General Mark Milley to coordinate supplying Ukraine. 

Members are concerned about maintaining aid to Ukraine in case of a second Trump presidency. 

Jim Townsend, a former Pentagon and NATO official, told the Politico reporters: “There’s a feeling among, not the whole group but a part of the NATO group, that thinks it is better to institutionalize the process just in case of a Trump re-election. And that’s something that the U.S. is going to have to get used to hearing, because that is a fear, and a legitimate one.”

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[shipwreckinabottle]

leather and darkness

(Read on ao3 here!)

Rating: Mature Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Relationship: Bruce Wayne/Harley Quinn Word Count: 4389 Summary: the few times they kissed.

a re-write of a one-shot i wrote back in 2016 after watching suicide squad (and their 5 second scene together). was thinking of this pairing recently and decided to completely rewrite this entire story 8 years later 😂

(short preview below)

The first time they kissed, Harley would argue it was nothing more than an accident, really.

They were scuffling in the mud, and she was kicking and screaming and biting and basically doing all she could to escape. She was coated in mud and dirt, slippery like an eel, but he still managed a decent grip on her, and they were struggling and rolling and falling across one another like a bunch of drunks on a Gotham’s night out with nothing to lose.

She’d tried to kick him in the family jewels at one point in their struggle—more than tried, actually—and yeah, yeah, she knew it wasn’t the most ladylike thing to do, but it wasn’t like she could even remember the last time anyone had called her a lady, so that was fair game. Plus, whatever padding the Bats used down there was rock solid, and had probably hurt her more than it did him.

So, she tried head-butting him instead, because that always worked, aiming straight for his nose where she knew all the cracky cartilages were. But somehow he saw that coming as well and swung out of the way, all too easily and all too smugly, if she might add. Some echolocation bat-sy cheating bullshit.

So unfair!

But if Harley was known for one thing, it was that she didn’t give up easily, even in the face of overwhelming batversity. So she waited, bidding her time, waiting for the perfect opportunity and—there!

She flung mud at his eyes, causing him to flinch backwards while she barreled into him at full speed, sending the two of them smashing into a dumpster and—for the briefest second, before the squelch of going headfirst into a dirty dumpster completely engulfed her—she felt his lips pressed up against hers.

Things stopped for a moment. Soft. And she wasn’t referring to the oily takeout containers and chili oil wontons she was now knee deep in. But his lips. They were soft. Fluffy. Kinda like marshmallows. Which was definitely an out-of-pocket thing to think about—of all people—the Batman’s lips, because surely, soft—he wasn’t.

She blinked, a double-take, really, and that second’s distraction was all he needed—rude!—before her world spun, the colorful lights around whirling into technicolor detail; it was beautiful for a brief second, like streaks of comets passing in the night, except it was just the neon signs of strip clubs and poker bars and whatever shady establishments all over Gotham city zooming by and…

Oh.

It wasn’t the lights that were zooming by.

She realized half a second before a puddle of mud caked her right in the face that she was the one being swung out of the dumpster, her face oof-ing into the dirty alleyway as the Bats finally got a good grip on her, pinning her down and cuffing her hands tight behind her.

Ye-ouch.

As she laid there in the mud, the fight gone out of her, she couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t at all like when she kissed her puddin’. With Bats there was no visible fireworks, no loud explosions, no butterflies in her stomach or down between her… well, if she had to be completely honest, she did feel a little ol’ something when he’d pinned her to the ground, but that was definitely more on her than on him, really.

She licked her lips. Thought reaaaaal hard about what it’d tasted like. Leather and darkness, she thought, though not to be confused with that one time she’d made out with that dominatrix mourning their dog recently passing of old age (that was certainly a different kind of leather and darkness).

It was weird, and a little conflicting.

Conflicting not entirely because she’d kissed him, but because she realized she didn’t find it completely unpleasant at all.

[yononart]

no new art yet, so let me yap a bit about my Tav/D&D rogue Aerin - did the same kind of post on bluesky so I might as well share stuff here!

art improvement journey under the cut! This is gonna be long and I'm also gonna talk about some stuff I went through over the years as an online artist.

Around 2016-2017 I started playing D&D with a group of friends, so of course I chose the rogue class to start. My DM did not allow drow characters for whatever reason, so Aerin at the time was just a random elf lol. I did not care much since I was very new to D&D.

This is what she looked like in 2017, my very first art of her:

big purple anime eyes lmao. what even is that shading...

I grew very attached to her during our campaign, roleplaying a smartass rogue that somehow always landed 19 on Perception checks was definitely fun, so of course I had to draw her again. Her skintone changed to be more tanned, her eyes changed color, but she was pretty much the same.

early 2018 (left) and late 2018 (right) art of her:

definitely looks better with golden-ish eyes

Sadly our campaign ended when the whole group parted ways and the DM kinda disappeared from our lives, yet I still loved my character a lot! I wanted to keep her alive, even without a D&D campaign!

I tried drawing her again in 2020-ish (I think?), but I never finished this:

Looking back, I can really see how much my style changed from anime to whatever it is now. Lmao. The 2020 wip is definitely closer to what I was trying to achieve at the time.

Back in the days I used to be very active on deviantART and Tumblr, but also joined IG for funsies. And oh gods, it was the worst idea I ever had in my entire life. While in 2015-2017 I was extremely productive, I started to slow down a lot, drawing just for the purpose of getting attention. I tried to draw things that were likely to be liked, or DTIYS stuff I didn't even care about. I was extremely uninspired because of how much I tried to please others and not myself.

Unfortunately that is when the big old artblock demon got me - I stopped drawing from 2020 to...2023? Pretty much. Maybe even earlier than that. Just a couple sketches here and there, but many and many months passed with me not even trying to draw anything. The "pressure" of trying to get some likes, being acknowledged etc was what made me stop drawing. I felt extremely unwell about what my art looked like, it was not good enough, I kept trying to change my artstyle to whatever, kept comparing my stuff to other people's works, it really became stressful to even hold a pen. I was pretty sad, cause in my most productive years I drew whatever came to my mind without giving a single f about anything. I completely lost this mentality over the years, so I stopped drawing.

Then Baldur's Gate 3 came out and oh my god. Holy hells.

I kid you not when I say this mf game did wonders to my creativity. Ngl, I already was in the mood for trying to get back to art - I bought a new graphic tablet (smaller, more comfy to use), tried out different brushes, followed some tutorials here and there, sketched a bit whenever I had the time to do it. But Baldur's Gate 3 really dragged me back to that carefree mentality I was yearning for. And after a "trial" run with a random character me and my partner created together, I OF COURSE had to bring back to life my beloved rogue. And finally turned her into a drow, heheh.

In no time I started drawing again, having no idea how to do anything anymore, kinda scared of how the result would look like and boom. Here we go, with Aerin again.

(left) more simple style VS (right) painted kinda style?

I do not think I am especially good at art. I lack many things (I suck at anatomy and proportions, it takes me ages to finish one piece) but...I can still see the improvement, even after years of not doing anything. It really surprised me. I never stopped observing art - I did not draw, but my eyes were still trained - and somehow this reflected in how I draw nowadays.

I am extremely grateful to this game. It fueled me so much with creativity I literally have too many ideas and things I want to draw (but no time lol), and I don't even care too much about what others may think. I am drawing again for myself, not to please others. I draw what I want.

And honestly, all this big post was just to say:

If you feel overwhelmed by socials and art isn't fun anymore, take a break. It doesn't matter if it's long or short - just take a break. Do not ruin things for you because of a couple of likes or whatever. Instead, try to keep the fun alive. It doesn't matter if your artwork doesn't get shared or liked a billion times. Your art is not worth the number of likes it gets. And if you have fun drawing your stuff, just do it! If you don't have fun in the process, the result is gonna suck for sure. At least for you.

And what if the result is not so good? FUCK IT!!! You cannot improve unless you work hard. You cannot improve unless you draw and keep your eyes trained. Consume art, draw, do whatever works best for you. Every artist, even the best you can think about, started from ugly sketches and cringe art. And keep your old art at hand - you may not notice it yet, but after a year or two go back to your old stuff and compare it to the newest you have. You will definitely notice the difference. That, my fellas, is improvement. It's hard to notice if you compare your last week's artwork with the current one you're working on. Go check older stuff. You ARE improving. You just didn't notice.

Take it from me, I'm an old 31 y/o hag and I have experienced things. Never let the fun dry out.

[centrally-unplanned]

Something I do think is important to note is that 2016 shredded the influence of those party insiders around primaries. Not fully, like people still respected the 'no running against incumbent presidents' norm this year for example. But the combo of Bernie's strong campaign against 'the insiders' and Hilary's defeat at the hands of a cartoon villian convinced the party to give up the ghost and stop trying to anoint a successor, and potential candidates that they dont need to listen if they try.

Which i think might be the right call, *given* how primaries work now. The entire edifice is not a great idea, and will deliver subpar candidates and dilute party agendas. But if you arent gonna ditch it then yeah letting it run its course is probably for the best.

And I think it does show the limitations of elite party nom systems. Amoung the reasons why the party coalesced around Hilary in 2016 was essentially "honouring the deal" of 2008 she made with Obama, but voters don't care about such deals. Allowing such deals to happen at all is in fact a risk of central systems like that, because they *can* make them they *will*. And the other, more awkward factor is that the dems really wanted a female president, they thought it was 'due', and so tried to force it. Voters again dont care about that. And in 2020 the dem party repeated that same mistake *again* in the VP nom, which is a centralized choice, saddling the current admin with the unpopular Kamala Harris in a time when VP really matters (which was predictable, since time tends to pass quite reliably).

So while I definitely can envision a better system, I tend to be in that, surprise suprise, Shor/Yglesias camp that an open convention today would quite likely produce a worse candidate than Biden. The party isn't built for this kind of choice right now.

[panchams]

long time, no see

happy 2024! the website layout on here has changed so dramatically that i can barely recognize it. i hate to admit that it took me a couple of minutes to find my followers...

anyways, hey! it's been a while. i jumped ship off of here... god... who knows how long that was? i genuinely feel like it was a permanent move circa 2015. but that's not what im here to talk about.

after the loss of twitter circles, i've struggled finding a place to put my thoughts. don't worry, this blog definitely won't be it but i thought it would be fun to put a little reflection on here as my final post (probably forever?) on this funny blogging website that i decided to use back in 2009 (I'm pretty sure my archives go that far back.... which is certainly something i cherish to see how much I've changed)

so many of you either have known me as eddie, edward, mukuro, bajime, hajime..... lord knows this list goes on. im eddie! or if you want to use my online user, i go by haunter now. a lot has changed since i stopped using this platform regularly! i think i hard quit tumblr maybe around 2016? you can see on my profile that i came back and reblogged some things, but i think it was around the time of my twitter bot's birth (@nintendoqt) when i really stopped using it permanently.

i'm writing this as a reflection of where i've been and where i came from when i first started using this funny website. im officially a couple of months away from graduating college with a bachelors in computer science! that means I'll be a real deal certified software engineer this coming may.

but don't you worry! i got some real time experience as a software engineer last year, right before my senior year began. i worked as a software engineer for the military/government! yeah, that's right... tumblr user Panchams was a military scientist (intern, but it counts). crazy right? and in just a couple of months i'll be hitting the biggest milestone of my life so far which is college graduation.

back when i began this blog, it was towards the end of 2009 and my myspace girlfriend at the time karina recommended i join because the community from our beloved myspace was jumping ship. i jumped in and well, the rest is history.

2009 eddie was a fidgity, undiagnosed autistic relentless kid. it's kind of crazy looking back on that era because i'm so proud of kid me going out of my way to socialize by going to conventions at every possible event he could go to. i would even wear cosplay and force myself out of my comfort zone to talk and take pictures with complete strangers.

to summarize my academic journey to save some space here, i really sucked at math. my math classes were so horrible, i actually got placed senior year in high school in the lowest math possible for seniors (something like college math help course or something, while the other kids were doing calc 1 or 2). but look at me now, baby! i went from pre-algebra all the way to calculus 2 in college, as well as discrete mathematics (possibly the hardest math class anyone outside of a math degree could ever take). i passed them all! it wasn't easy. i failed calculus 1 on my first try. my community college professor even told our entire class in a very vague way that we should commit suicide via bullet if we didn't pass it cuz we would never pass if we couldn't pass his class lol.

caught myself yapping there for a second. anyways, i really just wanted to say that i was a fidgety autistic child with such huge dreams and wonders. you can see throughout my entire blog's lifecycle that i've felt a special connection to characters like pokemon's red, sasuke from naruto, mukuro from katekyo, cloud from final fantasy 7 et etc.... you get it!

i think my life could've easily been one of complacency and laziness. after all, i am the only one in my immediate family to have attended college or even be in STEM whatsoever. my father was a horse trainer and my mom did random odd jobs/cleaning jobs as a kid. i could've easily been stuck forever in poverty and never aspired to do anything with my life. outlets like tumblr, gaia, twitter, youtube, the list goes on but these shaped me in ways that i am beyond thankful for.

as well as pokemon and the other games i mentioned, they gave me a lifeline. those characters i hooked onto as a kid which basically shaped how my personality is... i genuinely wouldn't have it any other way.

what is blud yapping about!!!! i end this weird ramble yapping session to update where my life is and where im headed. I've mentioned graduation (LETS FUCKING GOOO!) but i am beyond excited to be a big boy software engineer (no intern in the title!)

i'm pining for the bay area after graduation. i know, i sound like a lunatic going straight to san francisco as a new grad but.... you only live once! how cliche right, a new software dev moving to san francisco... the story writes itself.

don't worry, i have backup plans! if i can't make enough I'll be sure to live amongst the cows in arkansas (maybe oregon?! who knows.) big things are coming into my life, an entire chapter of my life finishing (the college years? academy saga?) and i'm just happy that i kept pushing. i'm glad i kept trucking on and will have some form of a tangible life that i will create with my own two hands.

happy new years! i don't think anyone will read this but... thank you! thanks tumblr for everything. maybe one day I'll go through and read my #priv or whatever i used to signify as my private posts here eventually. that day won't be today, but maybe when im in my SF apartment?!

have a great year, a great life, and so on. i don't think I'll ever update this blog again. thanks for everything and much love from me!

linktr.ee/haunterz

[ghostshadow-k-r]

So here we are,having another "Murder For Revenge Is Okay Club" member.And tomorrow would be his half big brother which he had hated most in his life.

As I said before in the Paulownia Scarf post, non-pony spesies was quite rare,even for kirins.Obviously,a part of the pony society didn't want to accept them.But it's better than in 2016-P5 since racist had besome more serious that time.

Under that kind of situation,it would be total normal for an unicorn which work as CEO of the Hawk family abandoning his mistress after knowing that she was pregnant.

Gladly,this time the mother didn't die.She had gave birth to this halfblood kirin foal and did her best to raise him up,giving him the name Tinkling Indigo.

Different with the soft mother of his,Indigo was quite bad tempered.He was unwilling to admit that he was a halfblood,so he wears the glove to cover that his pony-liked hoof.His ears was also more alike to ponies.

After learning about the reason what he didn't have a father,he was determined to revenge to the Hawk family no matter what.He was willing to put Expedient Hawk under the ground by his own hoof,even it's definitely illegal.

When he finally grows up and entered St.Hermelin,which is the school that his half brother stays during his school times.Then,he had met with Fuschia Ring and the others.

Of course,he rejected to join their team and adventure with them at first.But after realizing that there's no way to fight these demon solo,he agreed to join.

Initially,he never considered them as friend. However,spending a long time with a group of classmates is a great way to bonding friendship.Not to talk about fighting demons together with personas.

Time passed,and the opportunity that he had waited for years has finally come.This time,he had learned there's something more than just revenge.So,he choosed to follow with his teammates and stop his revenge right there.

Later,he had graduated from school and work as a salesman which sales cutlery.Even though that his bad temper had scared most of his customer away.

And...it seems that after the time had healed the scares,he was no longer hating his brother.

At least,he would like to name his son in the honor of his brother's name.

[buckystevelove]

Three Musketeers

Part 9

Pairing: Stucky x reader

Warning: fluff

A/N: sorry for taking so long in this part, life has just gotten in the way. Please reblog, I really love when you write comment, that is what make my day. So please! Comment

——————————————————————————

Steve opened the door of your side and gave you a hand to help you come out. The place was amazing, it has so many green areas, and there were some soldiers and recruits jogging. When they passed near you they saluted both Steve and Bucky.

When you enter the building, you heard the voice of a woman sound through the walls.

“Welcome back Captain Rogers, Sargent Barnes. You must be Ms. YLN.”

You were surprised and confused. Never had you ever heard a voice come through the walls, not a voice that knows exactly who you are.

“Don’t worry honey, that’s Friday. The compounds AI, Tony designed it before… you know. Jesus Its going to be two years soon.” Steve said lowering his head, he had a sad look in his eyes you hadn’t seen in a while.

“I am so sorry sweetheart, he must had been a good man. I know the three of you had some problems in 2016, but he was you friend. I am sorry.” You gave him a side hug and did small patterns in his arm, kissing his shoulder.

“He was a good man, he had his flaws like any other human, but he tried to learn from them.”

The three of you were in the common room of the compound. Sam, Nat, Thor, Vision, Clint, and Bruce were in the dining table. Wanda was on the kitchen finishing the dinner.

You were beginning to get nervous again. You really wanted them to like you, they were the only family you boys had. This was literally like meeting the parents.

You knew that Sam was their best friend, Nat was really close to Steve, she was kind of Bucky’s ex. Well, not Bucky´s, more like the Winter Soldier. Bucky had told you about how the two of them that fallen in love a many years ago while both of them were in Hydra, but when they had officially met as Bucky and Nat, not as the Winter Soldier and Black Widow, things didn´t felt right. They weren´t really in love with each other. Still, they were friends.

You were shy, making yourself smaller the closer you were to them, both Steve and Bucky were holding your hands.

“They guys “Steve greeted them, grabbing all their attention. All the eyes were immediately on you. You could felt yourself getting hotter the longer their stare linger on you.

Nat was the first one to stand up and come closer to you.

“You must be the famous YN this men can´t stop talking about.” She said, you extended your hand to her, but she pulled you to give you a hug. When she was close to you she whispered in your ear. “Thanks for making them so happy, there has been a real change in them since you came into their lives, you are definitely a keeper.” Her word make you smile wide and fell proud, you friends had also told you that in the last months you were happier, that you seem to be glowing all the time. Hearing all this people say that your relationship was making the three of you so content, made you feel good, really good.

“I am glad to be good change in their life, I can assure you that they make me happy as well.” You said to her before pulling apart.

You looked at up at both of them ad they had the biggest smile on their face. Obviously they had heard what she said to you, dam super soldier hearing.

 They introduced you to the rest of the team, you immediately clicked with Sam, you get why you boys liked him so much. You loved Wanda, maybe had a tiny little crush in her, she was so beautiful and strong, who wouldn’t like her really, though you knew that you were going to be best friends.

Wanda cooked an amazing pasta for dinner, after a couple of glasses of wine you were no longer shy and self-conscious. You laugh and joked with them, you were like longtime friends.

After you ate the dessert that you has brought, you moved to the common room.

“You know, we should play UNO.” Sam proposed.

“Yes!” You said, you loved playing this game, and the more people the best it was.

Nat tried to argue, to warn you that all the Avengers were very competitive and normally the game nights in the compound turn very heated, sometimes they would even use their powers, but you were so excited that she let it pass.

Clint looked for the card and gave each of the players 7, and the game began.

Five rounds later things were getting really heated, Wanda was angry at Nat because she had made her draw 8 cards in the last two rounds, you were starting to get annoyed at Bucky because he hadn´t let you play in the last three rounds.

Shit was starting to get real.

When your turn finally came you placed a reverse the order, and gave a malicious smirk to Bucky. “Get ready handsome, I am going to destroy you.”

He gave you a kiss on the cheek and looked at you dead on the eyes. ”We will see babydoll.”

The game continue and Steve had been really merciful to you, that helped you take an advantage against the rest because they were trying to destroy each other. You only had 3 card left, two of them were a choose color plus draw 4 and a skip turn, you were going to finish Bucky.

When you turn came you placed the skip and Bucky gave you a sad puppy face, you innocently kissed his nose and said sorry.

Sam made Steve draw 4 cards, your blond boyfriend was definitely losing, he preferred to draw more cards than giving you a skip or draw 2. He was so adorable. You placed the draw 4 and said UNO. Everyone immediately gasped, they could believe that you were going to win.

“You hurt me dollface, you really broke my heart.” Bucky said pouting his lips, Steve got up and gave Bucky a kiss on his lips.

You finally placed you last card and jumped.

“I win!” You were so happy, you had already drink more than you would normally, feeling yourself a bit tipsy you almost fell from your sudden outburst, thankfully Steve was there to catch you.

“Very good honey.” He gave you a kiss on the cheeks and on your forehead,

The rest of the team congratulated you, you decided to sleep at the compound because it was already too late. You said goodnight and Bucky guided you to his bedroom, Steve walking behind the two of you.

They gave you a new toothbrush and Bucky let you borrow one of his t-shirts, you loved how it felt to your middle tights and smelled like him, like home.

The three of you curled up in the bed, you were in the middle of them both, Steve and Bucky were holding their hand. They gave each other a kiss and then they kissed you.

“I really liked you friends, now I get why you are all so close, I´m glad you have so nice people as your family.” You mumbled half asleep.

“I knew you would like them, I am sure they loved you.” Steve said to you, you were already asleep.

Bucky smiled at you and kissed your head. “I love you doll.”

“She really is the one Stevie.” He said looking at his boyfriend.

“She is.” He kissed you temple.

“Sleep well baby, I love you.” Steve said squeezing Bucky´s hand, he was already asleep.

The three of you fitted together perfectly, you were made to be together. You were the definition of soulmates.

Tags: @tenaciousperfectionunknown @bibliophile-life @classyunknownlover @authentically-rue @commonintrest @alina02

[lazypeachsoul]

I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else.

Warnings: this fic has some sad moments and mentions of the blip. also kind of AU because I'm completely ignoring Natasha's canon end.

Word count: 4,2k (i got very carried away with this fic)

Summary: · Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life changing when it doesn’t work out the way we desire. But if it's meant to be it will always happen, right?

A/N: This is my fic for the "Women of Marvel xReader Exchange" created by @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest . It was created for @im-holding-ontoyou and I hope you like it! gif by @natasharomanovgifs 🌼 ALSO; i haven't watched Black Widow yet so I'm sorry if something in this fic doesn't fit the new info we got about natasha.

Masterlist.

To be added to my taglist use this forms or write me an ask!

New York, 2015.

When you received the call from one of your bosses that you had a new case you would have never imagined how big that case would turn out to be.

You had been working for one of the most important law firms in New York for a year now, and you were getting kind of used to reading cases that would be narrated in the papers for months. Rich and entitled men, big divorces were they fight over who gets the yacht, one or two murder cases... if it revolved around the powerful people of New York city, your firm would get it.

When you got to the debriefing and were told that Tony Stark, one of the firm's most important clients, asked your team for assistance in the creation of some legislation with the newly created “Advanced Threat Containment Unit” you were more than surprised.

The events that the Avengers had caused (or saved us from, there were different opinions going around) in the small country of Sokovia were known all around the and it was only time before the most powerful officials asked for the regulation of ‘superhero activity’.

You weren’t important enough to actually attend the meetings that took place with the government, seeing as you had only passed your bar exam a little over a year prior, but you were deemed cheerful and nice enough to act as a nexus between the firm and the client.

For months you spent your days talking to Tony Stark and other members of The Avengers trying to explain what was being talked about. The first few meetings were a disaster, seeing as the mood was somber for the lives lost and nobody really understood your legal jargon. But slowly you started to transform your language and really tried to make the meetings as easy as possible for everyone present.

But who were you kidding, they really didn’t care about the meetings or the silly attorney being sent to explain something that was way above their paycheck. Well, at least Stark was gracious enough to set a coffee station with some pastries for the meeting. You were pouring the hot liquid into your to-go cup when your hand jerked and the hot liquid splashed your hand.

You could feel the sting of the burn but avoided further sudden movements trying not to make it worse. Before you could reach for a napkin to clean up the mess you made, a more dexterous and manicured hand reached for them and exchanged the hot cup in your hand for the bunch of papers.

“Careful, Stark always serves boiling coffee. I think it’s to mask that it’s not the best quality.”

You lifted your gaze from your hand and found a pair of deep green eyes gazing back. You would have thought that spending numerous meetings in the company of superheroes would make you less susceptible to their powerful auras, but being this close to Natasha Romanoff made your heart beat a bit faster.

“Yeah, I found out the hard way.” You joked, lifting your hand a bit. “You would guess one of the richest people in the world would actually serve good coffee...”

Seeing her crack a smile made you feel less tense. Sometimes you forget they are still normal people. Normal people who could kill you with their bare hands and had superhuman powers. She placed your cup on the food table, apparently not bothered by how hot it must have been, and pushed her hand in your direction.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff.” You wrapped your hand around hers and shook it, biting your tongue trying not to tell her of course you knew her name. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself in earlier meetings, we were all trying to come to terms with what had happened.”

“No worries, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you.” You nodded and tried to show her sympathy, trying to avoid thinking about all the lives affected by the fight. “Oh sorry, I’m-”

Natasha quickly cut you off, speaking your name before you could even say it. You could feel your cheeks get warmer at the idea that they actually knew who you were, and she probably could sense your mood change because she quickly explained.

“I know who you are, you send us at least two emails a week about these meetings and FRIDAY always announces you before you arrive.”

“Who announces me?” You asked curiously at the mention of a name you recognized.

“FRIDAY. It’s the name of Stark’s AI technology. It works all around the tower and it’s there to make life easier for everyone.” She explained pointing around at the speakers strategically placed around the room.

“Oh, I get emails from Friday sometimes. Most of them are asking me to translate or explain something about the debriefing because Mr.Stark is not interested in legal terms.” Both you and Natasha laughed at the thought.

But she quickly recomposed and tried to look serious again when she heard her teammates coming in to get ready for the meeting.

“I wanted to ask you about that. Do you think we could schedule a meeting so that you could explain some things about the legislation of the A.T.C.U.?” She spoke lower than she had when the two of you were alone and you wondered why she didn’t want her colleagues to know about the meeting.

“Ye-Yeah, of course I can.” You were confused but thought it would be in your best interest, and the firm’s, to say yes to the proposal. And a meeting with a very attractive and definitely interesting woman was not something that happened constantly for you.

“Great, thank you.” She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand that you hadn’t even realized was still wrapped around hers from the introduction. “I can promise you better coffee.”

You could only hum in response, still trying to piece together what she might want from the meeting. But your thoughts were quickly cut off when Stark entered the room and you moved to start the reunion.

During the entire meeting you could feel the dull pain in your hand from the scorching coffee and the feeling of a pair of green eyes watching your every move.

Vienna, 2016.

The situation had only gone downhill from the Battle of Sokovia. The public’s opinion on the Avengers was at an all-time-low and that made terrorist groups bold. They knew that if they struck and caused enough chaos, the blame would fall on the good guys that tried to stop them.

The only thing that seemed to be a stable thing in your life was Natasha. Well, as stable as dating a superhero might be. She was busy a lot, but you understood the importance of her job and you were quite busy too gaining importance within the law firm.

And even if sometimes terrorists and criminals got in the way you still found a moment to spend together, wrapped around each other without having to think about how messed up life was.

You thought Lagos was the blow that would make everything tumble, the Sokovia accords were unveiled and it broke the Avengers, and your girlfriend. You could feel how torn she was at her decision of some of her friends to oppose the signing and go on the run, and her own decision to subordinate to the United Nations mandate. But you realized how small that had been when king T’Chaka was killed at the UN.

You had been at the UN as part of the USA legal team that participated in the writing and monitoring of the accords. Your participation in the negotiations almost broke your relationship but you were able to recover once you explained your position and Natasha actually came to an understanding of it.

Natasha was also in Vienna when everything went down, you hadn’t managed to properly see her because she was one of the signers and they sat at the assembly while other guests sat at the amphitheater watching the retransmission.

You hadn’t been able to properly see her all day, seeing as she took a detour before flying to Austria. You were only able to communicate through texts where you tried to make the situation more comfortable for her and she promised a peaceful european trip to celebrate the signing.

When the bomb went off and all hell broke loose the first thing you tried to do was look for her, she was at the epicenter of the explosion and you just wanted to see if she was okay. You saw her from afar when you were being pushed to the outside of the building while they swiped the perimeter.

She sat with T’Challa before he jumped from the bench and stomped away. Natasha looked around and your gazes crossed, immediately melting away some of the worry. You tried to push your way through the crowd to get to her, but police and security didn’t budge.

You never took your eyes off of her, scared that if you did she would disappear. But she did move her gaze to her phone and the look that crossed her face when she heard the voice at the other side told you it was a very important call.

Once the call was over and she looked at you again you knew that would probably be the last time you would see her in some time. You hadn’t known Natasha as long as some of her colleagues had, but you could proudly say you could understand what she wanted to say with just a look. And the look on her face in that moment read close to a goodbye.

New York, 2018.

It had been two years since the fall of Helmut Zemo and part of the Avengers was still on the run. And it maybe wouldn’t have had that big of an impact on you if it wasn’t because Natasha had also been on the run for that long.

You had heard about what happened at the Leipzig airport and how Natasha had changed alliances to join Captain America’s fight. You had been heartbroken at the news knowing that any resemblance of normality that you still hope for was destroyed.

You had spent months wondering what had made her change her mind. Had she thought about your conversations about the accords? Had she even remembered you, waiting for her back in New York, when she decided to go on the run?

A part of you tried to convince you of how selfish thinking about that was, why would she think about you when the future of her team and friends was at stake? But also you were her girlfriend, she should have thought about the implications that might have had for you.

In those years you had mourned your relationship and after the grieving period you tried to rebuild your life. New friends, a new position and new chances to take. And it went okay...at least until someone opened their mouth to talk about superheroes or The Avengers. Years down the line and it was still on people’s minds.

On special occasions you would receive anonymous gifts at your office or your apartment. The first birthday after the war you sobbed for fifteen minutes when you saw the bunch of flowers. There was no name or indicative of who might have sent them, that was until you looked better at the card and saw the small red hourglass painted in the corner.

The gifts continued. Every case you won, promotion, birthday or holiday a bunch of flowers would be delivered to you with the same note.

In a way it gave you a sense of peace knowing she was okay and still thought of you. But the more you thought about it the angrier you got at how she had left you.

You didn’t expect a message from your boss to run to the Avengers compound and assess some situation between Coronel Rhodes and Thaddeus Ross. Although the team had crumbled, your company was still hired to legally represent the remaining members and moderate situations that might arise with the government.

You entered the compound expecting another bureaucratic complaint about their activity but you found a trickier situation. The meeting room was filled with people you thought you would never see again.

Captain Rogers was sitting on one of the chairs sporting a new look that made you almost not recognize him and a tense demeanor. Next to him was Sam Wilson, looking around at the smallest of movements and trying to assess the situation. Wanda Maximoff was standing on the furthest corner of the room playing with her rings, meanwhile Vision was apparently being checked out for a wound. What kind of wounds a synthezoid could get was beyond your understanding.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, I might have angered Secretary Ross during a meeting.” Rhodey came up to you with a nervous smile.

You had gotten closer to him thanks to your job seeing as he was the one doing the dirty superhero work.

“Yeah, I got that much from the text. Nothing new then.” You tried to joke to diffuse the tension in the room. “It would have been nice to know you had guests though.”

“We are not guests. Last time I checked this was our home too.”

That voice made your blood freeze. You should have expected her there, all her friends had returned and the chance of her being back too was almost 100%. But hearing her voice again after two years was not something you expected.

You bit your tongue before you could talk about how it’s not a home if you abandon it, but decided against it. This was a fight between them, not Natasha and you.

“I need you to work with the government to avoid this situation becoming a disaster.” Rhodey explained and you scoffed.

“Rhodey, I’m a lawyer not a politician. I have as much power in this as you might have.” You tried to lay your point across but it was difficult with all eyes on the interaction. “Hell, I have even less power than you do.”

“Then I need you to distract them enough to get them off our shoulders.” He pressed. “Something big is coming and we need all the strength we can get.”

You thought about it for a moment. If it was true that something big was coming, the Avengers were the best option to fight it.

“I’m in.” You scoffed at his smile and sat down in one of the chairs of the meeting room. “I’m not ready for the world to end yet.”

The meeting went on for a while. You called bosses, government officials and everyone that would listen to your distractions. You sent emails that would flood their inboxes for days so that they couldn’t read any news that might reach them about what the superheroes had in mind.

It was late at night when a cup of steaming liquid was placed next to you. You looked at it and saw that it was some kind of herbal tea, probably made to relax the drinker. You followed the hand that was still holding the mug until you reached Natasha’s face.

You had done your best to ignore her looming presence in the room but now there was no distraction. Looking at her you could see tiredness in her face. She was platinum blonde now, a look that weirdly suited her, but her face still looked as welcoming to you as it always did.

You tried to stop the flashbacks to the last time you saw it in person in Vienna, but they kept replaying in your head until her voice broke you out of the loop.

“I thought you might need it, I remember how nervous calls used to make you.”

She was smiling but you could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I got over it since I got my promotion. Now I spend a long portion of my day making calls.”

She hummed and sat down next two you, but leaving a chair in between you as a safe space.

“I read about it in an article, I sent you flowers to celebrate.”

“I got them. And the Christmas ones. On my birthday too.” You enumerated the times you had gotten the plants in the past two years. “You must have spent an awful amount of money buying me so many flowers.”

“You deserved it, you still do.” She shrugged and that’s when you noticed she had her own mug of warm tea in her other hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

You laughed into your mug sarcastically. Out of everything you expected her to say this wasn’t one of them.

“Did you really? Because you didn’t seem to consider me much when you went on the run for two years.”

Natasha paled when she heard your tone. She probably wasn’t used to situations like these but you weren’t going to let her go without an apology at least.

“I was trying to do the best for-”

“-for the world. I get it, Natasha, I do.” You tried to contain your emotions but it was getting harder with every word. “Relationships are supposed to be teamwork. I know you are always too busy playing heroes and I never judged you for that, I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me before you disappeared.”

She was silent and knowing Natasha it’s because she was probably overwhelmed with the display of feelings. But she needed to hear how bad you had felt.

After minutes of waiting for an answer from her and getting nothing but sighs you shook your head and looked back at the computer screen.

“I guess it was a case of the right person, wrong time.” You shrugged trying to find distraction in the flurry of letters in your email inbox. “Or at least it was for me.”

She got up from her seat without a word and you grew exasperated. Why had she even approached you if then she wasn’t willing to have an adult, two sided conversation? She was almost at the door when you heard her voice again.

“Please never doubt how much I love you. I made some bad choices but dating you was not one of them.”

New York, 2024.

Time apparently flies by when you are erased from the face of the earth. One day you are in your office working late and the next you appear five years in the future with no recollection of what might have happened.

You were taken by authorities to impromptu camps and one by one examined to check your identities. The entire thing seemed to be something out of one of the dystopian novels you used to read as a teenager.

When it was your turn you gave them all the information you had on what had happened. You had given them your name and personal information and apparently had been a very searched person because the computer started beeping as soon as your name was introduced in the database.

You were moved to a secluded part of the camp and kept in an isolated room for god knows how long. Your stomach was in knots during the entire situation and you could feel the cold sweat on you. That mixed with the metallic taste on your tongue you knew this time your anxiety was justified. You were almost dizzy because of how hard you were thinking about the entire situation and trying to make sense of it.

When you heard the door of the room open you jumped up, discarding on the floor a makeshift blanket that had been placed on your shoulders when you got there. Your legs almost gave out at the movement and your heart felt like it was going to burst out.

The door opened enough for you to see who had been searching for you. Natasha stepped through the door still dressed in her tactic gear and with tiredness written all over her face. But that feeling seemed to almost disappear when she finally saw you.

With quick movements she stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around you tightly. For some reason that action was the trigger that you needed to let all your emotions consume you.

You started sobbing uncontrollably at the unknown. You didn’t understand what happened or how you are here, but feeling her embrace helped you feel safe in a way. It had been years since you last hugged her but it still felt as good as back in 2015.

You could hear Natasha’s soothing shushes in between your sobs and you moved to hold her tighter.

“You are here. I can’t believe I found you again.” She spoke softly and you didn’t know if she was speaking to you or herself. “It’s okay darling. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again. I promise.”

And with that promise a ray of hope made way between all the fear you felt.

Missouri, 2025.

Soft music could be heard all around the ground floor of the house. The soft beat was upbeat enough to get the morning started but not enough to be overwhelming if you had just woken up. You were sitting on the kitchen island looking at the news on your phone and having breakfast.

Mornings were usually very calm around the homestead and you couldn’ be more thankful for that. It allowed you to silently prepare your breakfast and coffee and get a headstart on Natasha’s breakfast too.

Since she had retired, Natasha had discovered a newfound love for sleeping in and you didn’t dare to take that away from her. She deserved it from all the work she had done in her life.

You, meanwhile, tried to get up early to scroll through the cases that you got in your new and smaller job and schedule meetings or emails.

It was a Saturday so work wasn’t a thing and you could actually enjoy your toast and coffee in peace. Or at least until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you back against Natasha.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” You could feel her smile when she kissed your cheek from behind. “You weren’t there when I woke up though.”

You shrugged before moving to get a bite out of your toast. Natasha tried to do the same but you quickly moved it away from her with a smile. She tried again and you moved as fast as your reflexes allowed you.

“C’mon baby, give me a bite” “No, it’s my toast. You can make your own.” “But it tastes better when you make it.” “No it doesn’t, don’t be lazy.”

The playful fight continued for a few moments until she got close enough to get a small bit but you moved it again.

“Don’t make me bite you, darling.”

You chuckled at her threat and plopped the remaining toast on the plate in front of you. Breakfast didn’t matter much anymore. You threw yourself into her arms and pressed your lips against hers. It wasn’t a slow and sensual kiss, it was closer to how small kids smooch their parents. But you knew it would convey your love more deeply.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nat.” You spoke against her lips and squaked when you felt her playfully nip at your bottom lip.

“Is now a good time?”

That question had become recurring in your household, a nod to the phrase you said when you found eachother again after being separated the first time.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect time.”

And you couldn’t. The rest of your life spent in a homestead with your girlfriend and whatever life might bring? It sounded absolutely delightful.

Taglist: @tagehaya @flyforeverfree @rooskaya-yelena @evalynanne @insanitybyanothername @princessayveke @yelenabelovasgf @kyli314

[chiliiscereal]

Well my standards have really lowered when I comes to writing fanfiction a XD

First I didn’t want to write any at all, then I didn’t want to write for any cartoons, then I didn’t want to write for cartoon turtles... and here i am.

Here I am starting a x reader fanfiction... with the 2014/2016 version of Raph

Still a bit uncomfortable with this but I had an idea so here we go! If I like it then I’ll keep going :p

Lol what am I doing with my life XD

Too tall

Raph x tall! Fem! Reader

Summary: yes this is me self projecting. Reader is 6 foot 4 inches tall and literally every boy she meets is too insecure to date her when she’s that tall. After a while of being treated like she unbreakable and a giant she gets tired of it. Luckily there’s someone else out there who understands how she feels.

———-

You tapped the cafe table impatiently, trying not to watch your friend and her boyfriend across from you. You attempted to look at the door instead. Maybe if you stared at it long enough then your date would show up.

“It’s okay! I’m sure he’ll show up.” She tried to console you as her boyfriend held her tiny little hand.

Perfect.

Small.

You looked at your own clenched hands and wished that yours could fit so perfectly in someone else’s hands. But, sadly, big hands come with height.

No boy your age ever came close to you.

It’s not that you minded.

It’s that they did.

You didn’t care that practically every boy you met barely went up to your shoulder. You wanted companionship. You didn’t need them to be a hulking giant. You needed someone who loved you.

This wasn’t Tall Girl for goodness sake.

You weren’t waiting around for some tall man to show up.

Unfortunately no guy was willing to step up to the plate.

Why might you ask?

Insecurity of course.

The last three guys that turned you down all said they weren’t comfortable with being shorter than their girlfriend. Others said they weren’t looking for a girlfriend.

Funnily enough they all ended up with girlfriends maybe a week later.

The other girls were incredibly tiny. They barely even made it to the boys shoulders. If that.

But you thought maybe this boy would be different.

He seemed like he was.

He seemed interested at least.

He SEEMED like he was excited when you asked him on a double date with your best friend and her boyfriend.

But an hour passed already and he wasn’t there.

You sat up with a bit of a huff. “It’s fine. Let’s just... let’s just enjoy dinner.”

Your friend frowned at you but decided to let it drop. She knew you hated whenever anything like this was addressed so she bit her tongue and changed the subject.

You couldn’t enjoy dinner or pay attention to anything brought up.

Oh you tried.

You gave it the old college try.

But you found your mind wandering back to the lost date way to often.

After another thirty minutes you stood up. “You know what? I’m kind of tired and I still have some homework to finish up. You two enjoy your date!” You grabbed your bag and walked out before your friend could even call you back.

You just needed some time to yourself.

Time to think.

You walked down the sidewalk slowly, half heartedly wishing that the boy would call you and give an amazing reason as to why he was two hours late.

You stopped yourself from reaching for your phone to check for a text.

No it was his loss.

Not yours.

Surely there was someone out there for you... waiting for you to come along.

Someone that wouldn’t care if you were a little taller than them.

You huffed and zipped your bag shut. Whoever they were, they definitely weren’t that boy.

“Hey girl, who you all dressed up for?” Came a voice from the alley you were about to pass.

“No time to talk.” You answered quickly and continued walking.

You weren’t about to give them the time of day. There was a tub of ice cream and a sappy romance movie waiting for you back at your apartment.

“Come on, a girl like you with legs like that? Surely you’re dressed up for somebody.” The man stepped out of the alleyway and leaned against the brick wall. “I’m thinkin’ maybe it’s me.”

Oh you wanted to turn him around and hit him with your bag.

But it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Hell no.” You stated curtly and walked by him briskly.

He snatched your wrist, effectively making your skin crawl. “Look at me when I’m talking to ya.”

He pulled you into the alley before you could stop him.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me.” You growled and tried to rip yourself away. “HELL. NO.”

“Come on, baby! Give me a chance-!” He attempted you sweet talk before he was interrupted.

You caught his hand before he could grab you anywhere inappropriate. “I have had a REALLY terrible day. I am a MINOR and if you don’t get lost RIGHT NOW then you’re gonna have some serious problems.”

He was close enough that you could smell the bitter alcohol on his breath.

He was probably a head shorter than you and had no idea what he was getting into.

“I don’t care if you’re a minor-.” He started.

Your fist smashing into his nose stopped his words.

“Like I said!” You growled as you shook the pain out of your knuckles, “I have had a really really REALLY bad day. And YOU are some little gnat just buzzing in my FACE!”

He gripped his nose with a cry, blood dripping down it like a waterfall. “YOU BROKE MY NOSE!”

“YOU PULLED ME INTO AN ALLEY AND TRIED TO TOUCH ME!” You shouted back, hitting him with your purse before he could charge at you. “YOU MADE THIS CHOICE AFTER I WARNED YOU!”

It felt good to take your rage out on somebody. And it was justified to! It wasn’t like you were just beating this man. He wasn’t letting you leave! He kept grabbing you before you could go.

————-

Turtles pov

They crouched above the alleyway, watching the man pull you into the alleyway.

“We gotta get involved man.” The red masked one whispered. “This doesn’t look to good.”

“I told you, we only get involved if it gets really bad.” The blue one responded with an eye roll. “We can’t risk being seen!”

“It already looks really bad!”

“If she gets anymore hurt then we jump in!”

The orange masked turtle jumped into the conversation. “I don’t know, I think my money’s on the girl.”

“Mikey shut up!” The purple masked brother whispered. “This is serious!”

“So am I! Look at her! She isn’t even scared!”

“I think she at least looks a little scared.”

“Probably cause she’s trying to keep herself from beating the shit out of him!”

Raph rolled his eyes and shoved his younger brother. “It’s our job to do the protectin’ round here. Shut up and- HOLY SHIT!”

The all gasped as you reeled your hand back and knocked your fist into the creeps nose.

“Damn that looked like it hurt.” Leo observed. “Maybe she doesn’t need our help.”

“I say we stay here in case it goes south.” Raph argued, waiting for Leo to argue with him.

“Fine, but we leave when it looks like she’s safe.” Leo nodded and looked back to the fight.

Raph didn’t have time to feel proud that he’d been listened to. Mikey was inching closer to watch. “What the hell are ya doin���?” He reached forward to pull him back. “She’s gonna see ya!”

Mikey leaned over the edge anyway. “Look at her go! I told you he didn’t stand a chance!”

“Who knew using a purse was so effective?” Leo nodded. “Think she’s got it?”

“Looks like it to me!” Mikey laughed and watched with glee. “This is real entertainment.”

“Mikey you’re too close to the edge!” Raph tried to grab him but was shoved away. “You’re gonna fall-!”

————

With that you shoved the man into the wall. “Are you FINALLY done? Have you FINALLY learned your lesson?”

He spit out the blood from his mouth and nodded. “Fine! Please just leave me alone!”

“Good choice!” You shoved him away from you. “Go before I change my mind!”

He was gone before you could even blink.

“That’s right! Get out of here!” You shouted to him as he scurried away.

You lifted your chin triumphantly.

Maybe you hadn’t gotten that date but you sure did beat the crap out of a creep.

You dusted your hands off and snatched your purse off the ground.

“If I catch you harassing anyone else you’ll get it twice as bad!”

No answer of course.

He was long gone.

Still, it felt good to shout.

You could finally go home.

You turned back to the edge of the alleyway with a sigh of relief.

You took one step forward.

Then, the least expected thing happened.

“OH SHIT!”

Next thing you knew you were on the ground after something very large crashed into you.

“What the hell!” You sat up and rubbed your head. “Who just sits on a roof above an alleyway?!”

You grabbed your purse quickly and stood up, ready for another fight.

It wasn’t another creep.

And from the looks of it... it wasn’t even human.

Well, THEY weren’t even human.

You didn’t know what they were.

Green...

Huge...

And shells...

The finally looked at you.

Why were they wearing masks?

What even were they?

Why were they there!?

The one in orange immediately scurried behind the one in red. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit!”

The one in red looked at you and then looked at the guy behind him. “You dragged me into this! You fix it!”

He pulled him forward.

Honestly you had no idea what to think.

There were two GIANT turtles right in front of you! And they were talking!

You gripped your purse a little tighter, waiting to see what they would do.

The one directly in front of you tried to speak only to look back at the red masked one and then back up at where they had fallen.

You looked from him to where he was looking quickly. “Are there more of you?”

He gulped quickly and attempted to hide behind the bigger turtle. “Uh... yeah?”

You took a small step to the exit. “Are you... are you gonna try to take my purse or something?”

The red one glared at you. “No! We’re just.. just here to protect the city. We ain’t monsters!”

You noticed him getting defensive immediately and nodded. “...okay then. Well, if you’re not going to rob me then I’m going to pretend I saw nothing and go on my way.”

The red one frowned.

You were acting waaaaaaay too casual.

Surely there had to be some other motive.

“Hold on a minute... you ain’t goin’ anywhere yet.”

You glared at him and held out your purse. “Are you gonna stop me?”

Mikey took a step back and Raph rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think a purse is gonna do much against someone like me.” He stated.

“I don’t even know who you are.” You stepped back again and tightened your grip. “I didn’t even know people like you existed until now.”

You looked them up and down, taking them all in.

This couldn’t be real.

It couldn’t be.

“You say anything bout this and you’re dead, got it?” He pointed around you as if aggression could make you quiet.

“Can you at least let me go home and finish my ice cream before you decide to kill me?” You backed up again.

You were so close to running away.

So close to escape.

Before you could back up any further, two more creatures dropped from the sky behind you.

You jumped and scrambled away, nearly running into the red masked turtle.

“Listen, I’m sorry about the way my brother phrased everything.” The new turtle glared at his companion. “What he meant to say is that we protect the city. We were watching that man just in case he tried anything and these two,” he glared at the first two again, “fell off the roof.”

The one next to him pushed up his glasses. “I’m surprised you haven’t passed out from fear yet. The first person we met did just that!”

Your back hit the wall and you had no where else to go. “I’m not too sure if I won’t do that.” You glanced between the four of them. “What even are you guys?”

“Turtles!” The orange one spoke up before the red one could shush him.

“Mutants as well.” The purple one joined.

“And ninjas.”

“And teenagers.”

You couldn’t help but snort. “Mutant turtle teen ninjas? I think you need to rebrand that.”

Maybe you were insane.

Here you were cracking jokes with large turtles at dinner time.

But so far they were harmless, despite their stature. According to the blue one they protect New York.

“Ya got a problem with it?” The red one grew even more tense.

You shook your head quickly. “No. Just... surprised.”

“And scared?” He added. “Scared of monsters like us?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I thought you just said you weren’t monsters.”

That seemed to stop him.

So you continued with a deep breath. “You’re all just... really huge. I thought I was tall but standing next to you...” you swallowed and tried not to let your nerves get to you. You turned to the blue one since he seemed to be the leader. “...can I go now? I won’t tell anyone you exist or... whatever it is you want.”

The blue one was skeptical but the purple one butted in.

“Do you have a way home? Like a friend you can call?”

You opened your purse. “Yeah I should be able to call an Uber with my...” you pulled out the broken device. “...my phone.”

Well crap.

You stuffed it back in quickly. “It’s okay I’ll just walk-!”

“I can fix it.” He offered. “Besides it’ll be an extra security measure for us if we have your contact information.” He gestured loosely to the hand you’d punched the creep with. “We could also bandage up those cuts.”

You brought up your hand and inspected the blood with surprise.

Well... when were you gonna get another opportunity like this? It’s not everyday a girl gets invited into the homes of local mutants.

Besides you really didn’t want to walk home with your phone destroyed.

The red one looked at the purple one angrily. “You wanna being ‘er back??”

“Our job is to help people, Raph.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m with Donnie. It’s only fair since we broke her phone.” The blue one nodded.

“Well if it’s not too much trouble...”

—————

Next thing you know you were whisked away to none other than the sewers.

Well that kind of made sense.

No one would ever really want to go down there anyway.

The purple one, whose name you learned was Donnie, had your phone in his three fingers the moment you stepped foot in their home.

“I’ll do a little fixing up, maybe an upgrade, and Raph can take a look at your hands.” He muttered as he started to disappear into a lab like room.

Raph...

He was the red angry one wasn’t he.

The tallest and biggest out of them all.

He didn’t seem too happy about it either.

“Why me?” He protested. “What ‘bout Leo? Or-or Master Splinter? Heck, even Mikey!” He gestured to his orange masked brother as if to showcase how he’d be better at it.

You couldn’t help but silently agree with him.

Mikey seemed the most open on the way here. He’d talked your ear off the whole trip, asking questions about what it was like to be a human and bragging about all the people he’d saved. He’d even wanted you to play a video game with you when you got to their home. He’d been a bit overbearing but that was better than Mr. miffed muscle mountain.

“Hey you’ve broken the skin on your knuckles before. You’ve got experience in it. Just fix her hand and be done.” With that, Donnie was gone.

You shared an awkward moment of eye contact with Raph before he sighed.

“Well, I’m gonna go play my game.” Mikey dashed over to the tv. “Let me know when you two are done and we can play!” He grabbed Leo by the back of his shell and pulled him along.

You bit the inside of your cheek nervously.

It was just you two.

You and the giant turtle boy beside you.

“Aight well...” he cleared his throat. “I guess I’ll take you up to the work out room then?”

He stopped and you realized he was waiting for you to say something. You quickly tried to scrounge up a comprehensible sentence.

“Y-yeah, sounds good with me.” You followed after him quietly, holding your hand so the blood wouldn’t drip everywhere.

The room was smaller than you imagined but still... it was huge to you.

He began rummaging through a box on the table, fumbling with objects. “You can uh... you can sit down while I grab the-the stuff.” He told you quickly.

You didn’t know where to sit so you interpreted his words to mean that you should sit on the work out bench.

You watched patiently as he found the roll of gauze.

Clearly he was just as nervous as you.

You didn’t know why HE was nervous though. He was a giant turtle for goodness sake. He could snap you in half easily.

“Here lemme see that hand.” He shuffled over and reached out.

You gave your right one to him, trying to hold in your nervous shaking.

“Ain’t gonna bite ya.” He rolled his eyes.

“I know.” You commented, watching him start applying disinfectant. “Just never been in a situation like this before.”

He snorted and continued his work.

You couldn’t help but notice how small your hand looked compared to his. Ha. That was new. Usually it was you watching little pick me girls compare their hand size to their crushes. How strange it was for it to be you.

“And I thought I had big hands.” You couldn’t help but blurt out.

He kept his eyes on your hand, examining it a little more. “Ya call this big?”

“Yep.” You glanced around the room, taking in the ‘scenery’.

He snorted. “Damn tiny to me.” He pulled out the gauze and began wrapping your knuckles. “Look, I’m uh... I’m sorry ‘bout the way I handled earlier. My dumbnut brother got us exposed when ya clearly had the situation handled.”

You cringed, remembering that they’d seen you beating the creep. “Yeah I could have handled that better as well.”

He paused for a half second, as if considering his next words, and then continued. “Heard ya say you were havin’ a shit day as well.”

You weren’t exactly sure if you wanted this brought up in the middle of the weirdest experience ever but you were desperate for a smooth conversation. “Yeah, some jackass stood me up.”

He frowned and momentarily made confused eye contact with you. “Stood ya up?”

“You know, as in he said he was gonna go on a date with me and just didn’t show up.” You forced out a laugh. “But it’s fine I got ice cream at home.”

“Mmm.” He muttered. “Sounds like a douche bag.”

Well outta room! Part two will be up I had too much fun :)

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

@witchygagirl requested: Hmm how about a miscommunication between Rick and Dee. Feelings are developing but Rick has the dilemma who's that guy dee was talking to? Did he send her flowers? So he backs off so Dee thinks she did something wrong

If I Go Universe - Miscommunication (Rick Flag x OC)

Summary: Rick really likes Delphia - like really really likes her. But he has a history of moving relationships too far too quickly, and he doesn't want to mess things up with her. So he takes things slow. But maybe it is too slow for her liking.

Pairing: Rick Flag x OC (Delphia Holman)

Word Count: 2903

Warnings: language, a pinch of angst, miscommunication to the max obvs, suggestive language, rick flag being a huge softy

Timeline: October 2016

if i go masterlist

The pastry sat in his front seat. Rick couldn’t stop looking over at it as he drove to work. He really hoped he ordered the right one — the pastry Delphia had mentioned she liked from the bakery near her apartment. He had driven nearly twenty minutes out of the way and spent nearly that same amount of time staring worriedly at the pastry case trying to decide. He got a raspberry filled one hoping that it was right.

The past few weeks with Delphia had been amazing. Rick had never laughed so much in his entire life or felt so light. She somehow made everything better — brighter. He remembered thinking, when he talked to her the first few times, that he thought she was disillusioned with the world and its cruelty. But now he knew that she saw all that cruelty, took it all in stride and decided to turn it into kindness. Which was a strength in and of itself that he had never been able to master.

And she somehow saw the good in him. Brought it to the surface and left all the terrible things behind with each smile she shone his way and every touch she passed upon his skin. Sometimes it felt like drawing poison from a wound. Sometimes he felt undeserving and ashamed — convinced he would only corrupt her and take away her good. But that was impossible. Delphia Holman was too good for this world and she was too good for Rick Flag.

So maybe that was why he was taking things so slow with her. That, and a combination of Rick’s history of taking relationships too fast too quickly. Always blurting out I love yous at inappropriate times or wanting to move in after only a month of dating. He could count on two hands how many times he had scared someone off just because he was a big guy with big feelings. And he really didn’t want to mess things up with Delphia. He had a feeling, deep in his gut, that she was it. And if he scared her off now he wasn’t sure if he would be able to forgive himself. So after that first night, that wonderful first night, Rick decided to backtrack and slow things down for the time being.

They texted all the time, talked to each other in the halls when they saw each other. She brought him coffee a few mornings, just how he liked it. Whenever she brought over paperwork from Waller, she lingered at his desk for longer than was really necessary, not that he complained. But the other commanding officers were definitely starting to take notice and make fun of him for it.

Rick sighed as he parked his Jeep and cut the engine. Sparing one last glance at the pastry in the paper bag before he picked it up and began his walk inside. It was an offering of sorts. A way to ease her into him asking her out again. He had wanted to do it when they got back to his apartment from that diner. But he had restrained himself for long enough and now was a good time. There were no missions for the foreseeable future, unless some catastrophe happened, and from the hints that Delphia had been dropping, her work with Waller had been lessening as of late. Meaning they both had plenty of time.

Confidence filled him as he walked down the hall towards her office, which was honestly his first mistake. Because as soon as he heard that familiar laughter coming through her open door, harmonized by the deeper chuckle of a man, he felt it all seep out of him. He was overgrown with the weeds of fear and jealousy in an instant as he approached the doorway.

But he didn’t even make it past the threshold, let alone inside her office. Because there Delphia sat, laughing and chatting with Gordon of all people who sat perched on the edge of her desk. She was giggling so hard her head was thrown back, eyes screwed shut. Gordon was sitting there chuckling too, arms crossed as he leaned in close to her. Her hand reached out to touch Gordon’s thigh — to stabilize herself — and Rick felt a heat flare up in his chest.

Without even taking a second to think, to rationalize, Rick performed an about face and marched to his office. Pastry bag gripped so tight in his hand he could feel the paper ripping.

He opened his office door with a hard yank, the metal knob nearly banging against the wall as he walked over to his desk. Throwing down the pastry on the top of his desk, Rick settled into his office chair with a huff. Hands pulling over his face as he practically kicked himself.

He shouldn’t have taken things so slow with her. She had moved on, forgotten him. Gordon was funny and handsome to some degree, or at least she seemed to think so with the way she was giggling and touching him. God, he felt so stupid. Putting his heart out on his sleeve and letting her admire it — letting her take it from him without even a care. Shit. Fuck.

“Didn’t take you for a pastry kinda guy, Flag,” another commanding officer commented with a grin.

Rick shot him a glare. “Shut up, Vaughn.”

Delphia texted him that night, asking how his day went and saying that she wished she could’ve seen him today. As Rick ate his dinner angrily, he stared at that text.

He had never been one to make assumptions before. He was a man of facts and hard evidence. But when it came to stuff of the heart — he was a fool. His mind couldn’t get away from her and Gordon together. How happy she looked and how flirtatious. It ate up at his insides and forced him to push his half-finished dinner away. She looked way happier with Gordon than she ever did with him. He had been such an idiot to think that she was the one — that she was it for him. Or maybe he had just waited too long and this was all his fault. It certainly felt like his fault that he had let her get away from him. This amazing, wonderful, kind, generous woman. She would make Gordon happy. And he would just have to watch as Gordon got to live the life he wanted.

So he flipped his phone screen down and ignored her text message completely.

And the message after that, and the message after that, and the message after that.

Part of him felt guilty for leaving her hanging like that — like he was still in high school. But the other part of him was too angry with himself and too jealous to say anything that would be remotely courteous. Everything he felt was too big for words and way too big to see Delphia in person.

So he also avoided her at work. Turned down different hallways when he spotted her coming when before the simple sight of her made him smile from ear to ear. Sent Vaughn to deliver paperwork to her desk when before he would’ve hand delivered everyones if he could. It was eating him up inside but it was also saving him from further heartbreak. He didn’t want to stop her from enjoying her life, no matter how much it hurt.

On and on for a week it went, until one day Rick was the only commanding officer left in the office and there was a giant stack of paperwork that needed to be delivered to Waller. To Delphia.

He stared at the files for a long time. Hoping by maybe some miracle they would teleport themselves down the hall. But sadly, after several minutes of glowering, the stack of papers did not move. Rick groaned as he picked up the files and marched out of his office. He really hoped that she was out, maybe even in a meeting with Waller and he wouldn’t have to see her.

Delphia’s office door was open, as it always was. But Rick still felt the need to peek around the doorframe first before stepping inside. The chair behind her desk was empty and he nearly sighed in relief. Then there was a sharp pain in his chest — like he was being jabbed with a hot poker.

There was a vase full of flowers on her desk. Beautiful carnations and lilies. Rick didn’t have to find a note to know exactly who they were from. Every muscle in his body felt pulled taut as he walked across the room and laid the files down on her desk.

God, he was such an idiot for thinking that that night meant anything. For thinking the two of them could actually be together.

He stared down at the flowers with a tight lip, frozen to the spot by his self-directed anger and jealousy. Then he heard Waller’s office door creak open and he looked over to see none other than Delphia standing there.

She looked beautiful. A billowing white button up blouse paired with tan pants and nude heels — fire red hair straightened and pushed behind her ears. It wasn’t until now that he realized how much he missed her over the past week. And just how embarrassed he was to be caught standing at her desk like an idiot. He briefly caught her wide blue eyes with his and then he practically bolted from the room. Shame and guit chasing after him like the very hands of death.

As he walked down the hallway back to his office, he heard heels clicking against the tile and he nearly picked up the pace — lengthened his strides. He knew she wouldn’t be able to keep up with him but he didn’t want her to know he was running away from her either. Rick glanced over his shoulder, just to check it was actually her, and he was right. Delphia was following a few feet behind him, her brow pinched in what could only be frustration and lips pulled between her teeth.

Fuck.

“Colonel Flag?” she called out to him, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Rick slowly came to a halt. He really didn’t want to talk to her — didn’t want to admit to everything he had been feeling. Or worse, talk like they were just coworkers again, like he hadn’t mapped out every inch of her with his lips or heard the way she sounded when she was in her greatest moment of euphoria. Like he didn’t love her already.

So he turned with his hands on his hips and kept his eyes trained on the crack in the tile as he muttered, “Yeah?”

“Uh — “ Delphia coughed and tried again. “Did I — Did I do something wrong?”

The quietness of her voice surprised him — the earnestness. He glanced over at her and his knees nearly buckled. There were tears shining in those big blue eyes that searched him like she could read him like a book. Her fists were clenched so tight her knuckles had gone white. Her lip trembled as she held in her tears. But still, her question confused him.

“What?” he asked quietly.

“Did I do something wrong?” she repeated, “Did I overstep somewhere? Was it when we talked about your ex, June?”

Rick looked up and down the hallway. He didn’t like that this was happening here. Anyone could walk in on them and see what was happening. Without a word he grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her into the janitor’s closet behind them. And Delphia didn’t protest, she let him lead her until the closet door was shut and the light above had been clicked on.

Swallowing thickly, he found he still couldn’t quite look at her — fear gnawing at the back of his brain like he was the one to have done something wrong here. Maybe he was starting to think that he was.

“You — You didn’t do anythin’ wrong,” he struggled to say.

He looked up at her through his eyelashes, unable to look at her straight in the face for some reason, and he saw her eyes flash.

“Then why the hell’ve you been ignoring me?”

Rick shrugged defiantly, finding his excuse now to be childish. “Cause — Cause you and Gordon.”

His excuse sat heavy between them like a dead body. Delphia refused to tear her gaze away from him, her face pinched in a way he had never seen before — furious and confused all at once. While Rick could barely look at her.

“What do you mean me and Gordon? He’s just some guy!” she said, her face contorting in confusion even further.

“You guys were talkin’ the other day — gigglin’ n’shit in your office! I saw it with my own eyes!”

She stared off at the empty space by his head for a moment, then lifted her hands to her forehead and shouted quietly, “He was asking me to watch his cat while he went on mission!”

Rick’s shoulders dropped. His face blanched, a wicked heat licking at his neck and cheeks as he awkwardly readjusted the grip he had on his hips. But there was still something that wasn’t explained.

“What about the flowers?” he asked quietly, almost like he knew he was already defeated.

“The — The flowers in my office right now?” she questioned back, glancing towards the door for further effect, “They’re from my mom — celebrating my three year anniversary in Louisiana.”

“Oh, Jesus.”

It felt like his entire body was on fire with embarrassment now. Since when did this closet feel so humid? Since when did that look on her face feel so furious and so...disappointed? Part of him wanted to run and hide. Wait for the storm to blow over and pull himself out of his hole when he felt less shameful. But the other part of him, and the part that won out, wanted to fix this with her. Wanted to make things right.

“Dee, I’m — “ he started.

But she launched herself across the small space between them and knocked him back into the built-in shelving. Her strength surprised him and turned him on only slightly. And then she kissed him furiously, strong enough to leave bruises. She fisted his quarter zip in her hands and pulled him down to meet her.

“I wanna punch — “ Another kiss. “ — you but — “ Another kiss. “ — I’m kissing you — “ Another kiss. “Instead!”

The last press of her lips softened only slightly, turned to molten love against his mouth as she passed her tongue along his bottom lip. They were both panting by the time she pulled away completely, Rick chasing her lips subconsciously but she leaned further back with a smirk.

“Didn’t know you needed so much reassurance we were exclusive, Flag,” she whispered, her hand sliding up to gently curl around his throat.

“I — shit — I’m sorry,” he screwed his eyes shut against the guilt and the shame, “I just…I really didn’t want to mess things up with you. Then I saw ya with Gordon and I just…fuck, I don’t know.

“I’ve prolly already messed this up — you and me.”

Delphia’s expression softened slightly as she smoothed her thumb over the edge of his jaw. “I admitted I liked you like some teenage girl behind the bleachers at a football game. What made you think I’d try and go for someone else?”

“I don’t know….” he muttered with his eyes shut.

But he did know. He had spent the past week convincing himself that he wasn’t good enough for her. That maybe she had just been caught up in the moment and that was why she said all those things. His life was too dangerous, he wouldn’t be able to settle down, he was too hard in all the places she wanted something soft, he had too much baggage for her to handle. He would be too much and never enough for someone like her and it was better if they just didn’t get together at all.

Her lips, so soft and sweet, were pressed to his once more. But they weren’t violent and bruising — they were gentle and caring in their caress as she pried his mouth open and slipped her tongue inside. One of those kisses that seared itself on his soul and made an ache form in his very heart.

“Dinner — tonight?” she whispered against the corner of his mouth.

He didn’t deserve it. Not after what he did, so he opened his mouth to painfully say no — but she stopped him with another kiss.

“You didn’t mess things up — you didn’t. Just lets me know I gotta….reassure you every once and a while.” With one hand still on his throat, the other slid down his front, ghosted over the edge of his tacpants. “I’m all yours, Rick. Me and you. Pick me up at seven?”

Her hand had slipped inside his pants and all he could do was nod frantically in reply.

“Good.” Her grin was nearly wicked. “Now let me remind you who it is I wanna be with.”

Taglist (if you would like to be tagged in future installments, just let me know!): @bbygrgu @a-reader-and-a-writer @slayerx147 @xoxabs88xox @kasey-puff @witchygagirl @the-pink-petite-princess @blooo0ooop @woodlandmouth @csigeoblue @rexorangecouny @h-hxgirl @thisisthewayrose @blondiekook @darkestbeforethedawn16 @runic-belova @weallhaveadestiny @oopsiedoopsie23 @nerdgrrlramblings @ocfairygodmother @reysorigins @hawsx3

[munsonlovers]

i love you darling -joseph quinn

you were so in love with everything you did on a daily basis. you were a successful actress and an amazing role model. you have people telling you that you have saved them just by smiling at them when they meet you or your character helped them through their hard times because they related to her so much.

you were casted on stranger things in 2016 and you've been a main character since the start. being dustin's sister but the complete opposite from him.

gaten was lovely to work with. he was such a beautiful actor and you were so incredibly lucky to work with him so close. but there was another actor who caught you by surprise when he showed up at the first table read for season 4.

he was such a beautiful man. he was kind and caring. he was always so gentle when he was passing by you or if he accidentally hit you with his hand or arm. you were so far in love, you thought you'd never get over it.

when you found out he would be your love interest since you haven't had one at all for the past 3 seasons. you guys were together all the time when it came to filming. if you weren't with him, you were with maya or natalia.

right now joe was chasing you around set. he was trying to get his script back that you had stolen because gaten and sadie had written something on it and you wanted to read it.

"y/n get back here with that! i kind of need that to remember my lines?" he said laughing.

you laughed at him and stopped. he almost knocked you over but he caught you. you were face to face with him and your noses knocked together.

"hi!" you said smiling.

"hi love, can i have my script back please." he said rubbing your noses together.

you got out of his grip and ran away from him.

"does this girl ever stop?" he said looking at maya, sadie, joe and gaten.

they all shook their heads no. they knew you long enough to know you don't stop until you get what you want. you were full of smiles and giggles as joe caught up to you and took his script out of your hands.

"i will be taking this now, thank you m'lady." he bowed and walked away.

you looked at him and wanted to tell him how you felt right then and there but you didn't want to ruin your friendship that had blossomed over the 2 years you were filming and practically quarantined with because of covid.

"joe..." you whispered.

he stopped in his tracks and looked at you. he smiled at you softly.

"darling, are you okay?" he smiled at you.

"yeah, i just wanted to talk to you about something." you said looking at the ground.

before he could say anything you took his script from him and ran.

"your so evil, you know that!" he said chasing after you.

you hid in gaten's trailer while he was in the makeup trailer. you read what gaten and sadie had written on the bottom of his script.

joe, you're so unbelievably in love with y/n and you need to tell her before we do. love you! - sadie and gaten

it was sadie's handwritting but definitely something the two of them would plot together. you couldn't believe that he was in love with you or at least that's what you got from the message.

you heard a knock on the door and you waited for whoever was on the other side of the door to speak.

"sweetheart, i know you are in there and i know you read the note..." joe said softly.

you opened the door and looked at him. he was looking down like he was embarrased by what was written.

"you love me?" you questioned him.

he didn't know what to say. of course he loved you, he had since you first met. the way you smiled at him to welcome him to the cast and the way you laughed when something stupid happened like joe and gaten play fighting or when a water balloon fight broke out and you got hit in the face with one.

"of course i do darling. you are the most beautiful girl in the world. your smile lights up the room and you make me nervous every time you and i do a scene together because i don't want to screw up. i get so distracted everytime you walked into a room or if i can see you anywhere." he said smiling.

you walked down the stairs and hugged him. he was so happy and so were you. he hugged you so tight that you felt safe with him. you pulled away from the hug and looked at him in the eyes.

"hi!" you said rubbing your thumb on his cheek.

all he could do was smile at you. you were just so adorable in his eyes.

all of a sudden you heard a bunch of voices saying "just kiss her already!"

"can i kiss you?" he whispered.

you nodded and leaned in. you brushed your noses together and smiled. he put his hands on the back of your neck and pressed his lips to yours.

you were so overjoyed that this was happening but the moment was ruined when you heard whistling and shouting coming from behind you.

you both pulled away, smiling like idiots. you rubbed his cheek with your thumb and held him tight. you knew there was a crowd of people but you couldn't be happier.

he kissed your forehead and you smiled. he felt you smile against him and he couldn't hold back a smile.

everyone was so happy for the two of you, so they ran up and squished you into a group hug. you felt so loved between the group of people hugging you.

"finally! we're so proud of you guys for finally realizing you love each other." they all said smiling.

all you could do is smile. you were so thankful for your friends but they could be annoying sometimes even when they were right. you loved them all very much and wouldn't know life without them.

you put your chin on his chest and looked up at him. you smiled so widely at him that you looked geniunely happy. he smiled at you and kissed you softly.

"i love you darling, so much." he said quietly.

"i love you so much joe." you said smiling.

everyone just smiled at you and were so very happy for the two of you.

he fell in love with you and you fell even harder for him...

[freifraufischer]

What happens when passive aggressiveness becomes the safe choice?  Tom Forrester

This past Olympics if you were watching NBC you might have wondered if anyone replaced Marta Karolyi as the head of the United States Women’s Gymnastics program.  After all in pervious cycles the famously controlling ‘evil genius’ of American gymnastics was a constant fixture in the narrative of US WAG (women’s artistic gymnastics).  The person holding her former position, now named the High Performance Coordinator, is a long time coach named Tom Forrester.  And he did everything he could to avoid the public eye.  You might think that’s a good thing given the organizations past ... but let me tell you about Forrester’s tenure in the job.

Forrester was named after Valeri Liukin (father of Nastia and a former Soviet gold medalist himself) who briefly held the position stepped down after interviews with former gymnasts raised issues about emotional abuse and weight shaming.  Forrester was a ‘safe’ pick as he was an elite coach but hadn’t been involved deeply in the national program for years.  HIs last high level gymnast was in the 1990s and he seemed free of baggage.  And like fashion trends that should never come back that 1990s drama turned out to haunt the program.

But at first Forrester was well liked enough.  He gave some interviews and answered questions on social media, though that stopped soon enough after people criticized that he didn’t seem to understand the Olympic Qualification path for individuals (the path that Jade Carey would take that would lead to her Olympic Gold on Floor but not as part of the US team).  But mostly he was celebrated largely for simply being inoffensive--because being inoffensive wasn’t an easy quality to find among potential candidates for this job.

But troubling signs started to show up:  American women were receiving deductions (or not receiving credit) internationally that they weren’t receiving at home.  That is partly on US domestic judging but it’s part of the job of the HPD to help athletes and their coaches tailor their compositions to the international judges.  His hands off approach meant no one had guidance.   After 2019 Junior Worlds he said, “We definitely learned that dance elements are being weighed heavier than tumbling elements.”  Except... that’s not something he should be learning at championships.  This is like a soccer coach who is unfamiliar with the off side rules and who thinks that his players and their personal trainers should figure it out for themselves.

Spoiler, he didn’t learn on the dance elements thing because that was one of the things the American women were hammered on in Tokyo.  

But for someone holding a job in an organization hammered with an ongoing abuse scandal I think there is a worse manifestation of his refusal to make decisions.  Maggie Haney, former coach of of 2016 Olympian Laurie Hernandez was under investigation for horrific verbal abuse and being sued by one of her former athletes a top US Tokyo hopeful Riley McCusker who was stricken with Rhabdo.  Rhabdo is the kind of injury in gymnastics that you immediately blame on the coach because it is their job to manage their athletes training. While Haney was under investigation/being sued for her treatment of Hernandez and McCusker both athletes were going to US National Team camps under Forrester.  And so was Haney.

Though his wife on facebook (because why take accountability by speaking to the press normally) it was said that Forrester had stepped in between Haney and McCusker in the past but his hands were tied because Haney’s current athlete had a right to have the coach of her choice at the camp.  Except... that’s not true.  Hernandez and McCusker both had a right, codified in US Safe Sport rules, not to have her there.  So it’s either he doesn’t know the rules for coaches under investigation anymore than he understands the code or he does and doesn’t want to be involved in a confrontation.  Haney has since been given the longest suspension ever handed down in US Gymnastics that was not a permanent ban.

As an aside, talking through his wife on Facebook has resulted in some truly unprofessional comments from her which no one has the authority to hold him accountable for because she’s not officially involved in the team.  Neat trick that.

The most high profile part of his job though is guiding and selecting the Olympic Team and as the build up for trials started there were signs that that 1990s drama was going to come back to haunt the American women.  See it’s very common in gymnastics for top gymnasts to petition to trials or onto teams because you want to give those athletes time to recover from injuries and send the strongest teams.  This can be very controversial as those gymnasts who are by any measure not as strong compared to a healthy petitioner feel aggrieved about being passed over.  

In 1996 the petitioners were Shannon Miller and Dominique Moceanu, Miller was already a multiple Olympic and world championship medalist and would be the only member of the Magnificent Seven to win an individual gold medal in Atlanta.  Moceanu was the current national champion.  They were always going to make the team as the two best gymnasts in the country.  In a history of controversies involving petitions this was the least controversial case ever.  Unfortunately for the future... the gymnasts past over were coached by Tom Forrester and he has been holding onto that bitterness at the “unfairness” ever since.

This year there was only one petition accepted to trials, and it was a gymnast that wasn’t very likely to make the team given her injury status.  Two former world champions (though one is ... slightly less straight forward story) were denied.  Forrester told an NBC film crew after trials that one of those gymnasts had to place a certain way on two events at nationals to have her petition accepted.  She posted on twitter ‘news to me’.  Because she had never been told.

At trials the US Olympic team was named in rank order from the all around even though the highest team score would have meant selecting a team based on who was strongest on which events.  When asked about this he said “it’s not going to come down to a few tenths”.  Because of course his strategy was “we have Simone Biles so we will win.”  

And that’s totally not something that might contribute to the incredible stress placed on Biles that might have consequences in Tokyo... nahhh... that will be fine.  But perhaps the most insidious part of his behavior was answering criticism of his decisions (if you can say following a spread sheet is a decision) is that he has used the language and words of Nassar survivors to justify himself.  You want athlete centered, this is it, your welcome.  I thought we didn’t care about medals anymore?  Well... the organization shouldn’t.  But it’s specifically your job to care about medals a little bit.  And it’s not like this behavior has been super great for the athletes.

But for me the most damning thing he has done was that after Simone Biles had to withdraw from the team final in Tokyo.  After the remaining members had to perform on events they weren’t expecting to do and managed to pull out a silver medal as three people competing with teams of four... he wasn’t at the press conference.  He left those young women to face the world media alone.  

Because who needs leadership?

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, radio version - Ep 43, July 2016 - Inadequate election coverage by media, Increase in motiveless crime.

Kaoru starts this episode by saying how its still really hot. Joe mentions that its only going to get hotter over the next few weeks, and asks Kaoru if he hates Summer. Kaoru says he hates Summer and Winter. He prefers Spring and Autumn, and will absolutely not be attending any summer fireworks displays or other such summer events. Everyone has summer vacation time, so not matter where you go, its hot, and there are people everywhere. He hates this.

Kaoru then moves on to talk about the new single Utafumi, in particular the special site that has been set up for it. Upon entering the site, the phrase 3分10秒間の痛み (3mins10secs of pain) appears on screen. This short phrase gives off a kind of instant power, but Kaoru wonders what Joe actually thinks of the song. Firstly, says Joe, the song contains an effortless feel, and does have an instantaneous power to it. For some inexplicable reason, he also feels like the song is enjoyable to listen to. Joe also picks up on something that he said during his Rolling Stone interview with Kaoru the previous week, which is that Dir en grey is very multifaceted when it comes to expression. Just as there a many different angles from which to view a Picaso painting, Joe views Dir's music in the same way. He fell in love with its multi-dimensional sound after seeing the last tour and listening to Utafumi, and wants to delve deeper into it. Kaoru expresses his thanks at such words, and explains that Utafumi is a kind of step in the direction towards the new album. He asks everyone to look forward to that.

Next they welcome Tasai for the Tokyo Sports corner. The first thing Tasai does is apologise for Hiranabe bringing a young woman with him on the last show. To Tasai, its unthinkable to bring a girlfriend to work. Kaoru says he was honestly pretty shocked.

Tasai's first topic relates to the House of Councillors elections, and how all TV stations run election specials on the night after the election has finished. The tv personality Dave Spector has questioned why Japan never shows such election specials on TV before an election. Surely it would be better to get all the info out there to the voters before the election takes place? Joe elaborates on this problem by bringing up the movie 'Pacchigi!/Break through!', by director Izutsu Kazuyuki. Joe had talked with the producer of the movie, who is a Korean resident of Japan. The movie deals with the conflict between a Korean school in Japan and the local Japanese teens. The producer told Joe that advertising the movie was very tough. He had paid a lot of money to a certain tv station for a CM spot, and wanted to use a clip from the one of thr climaxes of the movie where the Korean female lead character (played by Sawajiri Erika) says to the Japanese boy who likes her, 'If you and I were to be together always, can you become Korean?'. Despite being approved by the ethics committee, the tv channel wouldn't accept it. When the movie was promoted on the radio, the director and producer pushed really hard to be able to play the Korean song 'Imjin River', which appears in the movie, but at the last minute, the radio station refused to play it. This illustrates that the media are the most conservative ones out there. Japan needs its media to change first before other change can happen. Tasai adds that there is no law forbidding detailed coverage before an election in Japan, this is entirely self imposed control. Although the likes of Ikegami Akira play an important role in bringing political issues to the forefront, there is still a large build up of frustration surrounding elections in Japan. Kaoru states that if the media did cover elections thoroughly before voting took place, they would be much easier to understand. Joe agrees, saying that if people developed an interest in the small details of the situation, it might be a catalyst for them to check out the actions of political parties in more depth. Kaoru replies that a lot more fishy businesses would come up to the surface if that was the case.

Tasai admits that there are other ways to get information, for example on the internet, but TV is still currently the big one. The only rule is that they are not allowed to tell viewers directly to vote for or not vote for a specific candidate. But there is nothing stopping them from presenting all the information there is, and telling viewers to make thier own decision before an election. Joe wonders which media outlet will ever be the first one to take this step. It will be a very important move if it happens. Tasai thinks it is currently still quite difficult for a tv station to be able to do this. He  also thinks that another important point in relation to the recent election is that young people didn't vote. Kaoru agrees, and says changes in the media would make everything easier to understand for them. Tasai says that in one previous House of Councillors election, the number of voters over age 60 was 12 million, wheras the number of voters in thier 20s in the same election was only 4million. The politicians are therefore always talking about the interests of the elderly..pensions etc, which people in thier 20s don't connect with. Tasai makes a plea for any listerners of this show who are in thier 20s to please go out and vote at election time. Kaoru echoes this sentiment. Joe say politics needs to be more future facing, and brings up the case of a country who did an experiment giving voting rights to 0 year old babies. Thier parents would vote for them in a way which they thought best represented thier future interests.

Kaoru coments that an online voting system is also needed to meet the reality of this younger generation. Tasai thinks that online voting will become a possibility in the near future. Joe comments that given the advanced state of technology in this day and age, an online voting system should not be that hard to organize. At the same time, Kaoru says he does enjoy going to vote in person at the local elementary school (*voting stations are often set up at elementary schools in Japan*), because he would never have any other opportunity to go into such a building, and he finds it quite nostalgic.

Tasai's next story is about a strange incident where a ballet teacher had her thumb cut off by a man. The man knew she would be alone at the ballet studio in the morning. He entered, strangled her till she passed out, and then cut off her thumb with a chisel. He must have had some kind of reason to do this, but no-one knows why. He apparently admitted he had wanted to cut off the little finger, but the ring finger got in the way, so he cut the thumb instead. Tasai doesn't understand why anyone would do this. No-one in the man's neighborhood knows anything about him, which makes him all the more odd. Kaoru comments that even though Japan is known for being a safe country, this kind of thing still happens. Joe asks Tasai if he has seen an increase in this kind of random crime in recent years as a reporter. Tasai says he definitely has. Crimes like murders etc used to be more clear cut in thier motives, such as wanting insurance money etc, but these days there seems to be a lot more thoughtless, maningless crime going on. Joe adds that a lot of these crimes have no apparent motive or end goal. Cases are also on the rise where crimes are commited against unrelated people. Tasai says this must have something to do with the environment people grow up in these days, but what exactly it is, he can't tell. This is unlike Hiranabe, who definitely had a motive for bringing that girl to the studio last week. *wink wink*.

To finish, Kaoru plugs the new jingle campaign, and says he might play some more entries on next week's show. Lastly, he wonders how Dobashi is doing in Rio and makes the realisation that if Dobashi never returns, Hiranabe will have to appear more often instead.

Songs - Dir en grey/Red Soil, Bauhaus/Hollow Hills, Dir en grey/Utafumi.

[lovelivingmydreams]

Paper Flowers: Someting there

Okay so 85 people liked this concept, 19 of which felt the need to reblog. So I’m doing this.

The title is a reference I thought was nice and fitting because I have no clue what else to call this au. So it’s the paper flowers au. Don’t think about it too much.

Okay so this story is going to have two perspectives. 1 that of a Fander watching not only Thomas’ video’s but also the community’s response to it. And 2 a third person telling of the going ons in the mindscape between Roman and Virgil. Let’s do this!

January 2016

Roman was not in a good mood.

He was helping Thomas rehearse for tonight’s performance and Anxiety was distracting him!

“Will you shut up about the lights for two minutes!?” he demanded.

Anxiety glared at him for a moment before smirking. “Sure, want to talk about that creacking floorboard instead? I don’t trust it,” he offered, making Roman throw his hands up and scream to the heavens in frustration. “I am trying to work here!” he pointed out.

Anxiety shrugged. “So am I,” he states.

Roman just huffed. Right.

“Thomas! Ready for a run through?” the director asked.

“Um… Yeah,” Thomas smiled nervously. That drew the attention of both sides.

“Well, here goes,” Anxiety sighed.

“Don’t listen to him Thomas. You’ll do great,” Roman declared.

“Wait, read over your cues one more time,” Anxiety insisted. And of course Thomas followed. Roman would complain but these kinds of things did no real harm, quite the opposite, so he’d learned to let these things be. It would be exhausting to put a stop to all of Anxiety’s meddling.

And when it came to rehearsing lines and the like… Roman occasionally had to concede a point to him.

Once Thomas took note of his cues for the scene he and his fellow cast members took their places.

Anxiety made Thomas avoid the creaking board as if it were cursed, but other than that he was only a mild annoyance. And that was when it happened.

The scene was over and everyone was talking and reading lines as they left the stage, Thomas was telling a story to a fellow actress when his foot Anxiety suddenly jumped.

“Cables!” he warned and Thomas stepped over the wires, almost absentmindedly. His friend however had been too immersed in the story and tripped.

“Catch her!” Anxiety ordered. And Thomas, who’d been frozen in shock at first sprung in action to save her from an unpleasant fall.

“That was close. Guess your inner prince really came through on this one,” she giggled as Thomas helped her regain her balance.

Roman meanwhile was staring at Anxiety in shock. Did he just…

Anxiety didn’t notice though, he just left for his room, mumbling something about being exhausted and needing sleep before the premier.

That was fine. Roman had a lot to think about.

He went to his own room first an started to compile a list of things he’d seen Anxiety say and do. But he quickly grew frustrated by how incomplete his recollection seemed. So he knocked on Logan’s door.

“Roman? What brings you here?” Logan asked surprised.

“Hi calculatorwatch, I was… Talking to Anxiety earlier and he said something that made me wonder… Well could you perhaps give me a log of my conversations with him for the past month? Anything he said when I was in the room with him would be helpful.”

Logan quirked a brow. “Why are you in need of such information? Surely you recall these conversations yourself?” he wondered.

“Yes… But I need his exact words. And it’s not like I’m asking for anything he wouldn’t say to my face.”

Logan seemed to find that explanation good enough as he disappeared for a minute before returning with a thick binder.

“These are copies so you are free to hold on to them.”

Roman accepted the binder. “My sincere thanks. I shall see you at dinner.”

An hour later Roman was just puzzled. Sure there were lots of insults in here from both sides. But… There was also solid evidence that at least half the things Anxiety said might come from a place of genuine care for them all.

Anxiety had been pushing Thomas to rehears more than Roman ever could get him to do on his own. He had made him call up his friends and family to check in with them. He had him double check if he was up to date on his payments and if his fridge was stocked.

Roman nodded to himself. He was going to talk to Anxiety about this.

“What’s up Princey?” Anxiety asked casually as he leaned in his doorframe.

At least, that morning Roman would have considered it relaxed, he might even have considered his attitude patronizing. But now that he was looking at him, really looking, he saw the tenseness in his posture, the slight panic in his eyes.

“Anxiety… I would like for you to join me for a walk in the imagination. Something has been brought to my attention that I wish to speak to you about in private,” Roman explained.

Anxiety pushed himself off the doorframe and shoved his hands, balled to fists Roman noticed, into his hoodie pockets. He turned his face away. Rude, Roman used to think, but now he wondered: was he nervous?

“Fine,” Anxiety huffed as he closed his door behind him and followed Roman to the door to the imagination.

When Prince opened the door it showed a forest path. Through the trees to the west you could see the forest was going over a hillside, a late afternoon sun lit up the valley and a quaint little village in the distance.

“Neat,” Anxiety allowed.

“Thank you,” Roman said sincerely. Anxiety did a double take at that. Roman could understand. This was the longest they’d ever been in proximity to each other without either of them hurling insults at the other’s head.

They walked a few minutes in amicable silence.

“You good Princey?” Anxiety asked after a while.

“Roman,” he corrected.

“… what?” Anxiety asked incredulous.

“As much as I like the nickname, it feels inappropriate for a serious discussion. If you don’t mind,” he elaborated politely.

“Dude, you are starting to freak me out,” Anxiety hissed.

“Apologies. I was merely trying to find a good way to formulate this…” Roman stopped walking. The path had led them to the edge of the forest. Roman looked over the valley as he collected his thoughts.

“I wish to thank you for earlier today. You kept Thomas from falling and getting injured. And after you helped him help his friend. Thank you.” Roman looked at a wide eyed Anxiety. Once his fellow side realized he was caught in his surprise he tried to cover up. Folding his arms in front of his chest and looking away. “Whatever,” he mumbled. “You’re welcome or something.”

Roman wondered how he had not seen this before. His evasiveness, his defensiveness…

“And it made me think… A dangerous endeavor I know,” he joked, and he took pride in the fact that he saw Anxiety crack a smile.

“So I looked back over our encounters for the past month. And looking at your actions without the emotions of the moment involved, got me thinking… That I misjudged you.”

Anxiety’s head snapped back to him, Roman looked back without fear, this needed to be said.

“I assumed you were trying to hold Thomas back, to destroy his dreams. But… that is not who you are, is it?”

Roman watched as Anxiety processed his words, emotions flashing over his face.

Confusion, shock, fear, panic… And then he could see the walls going up as Virgil took that pose that Roman came to associate with their usual back and forth.

“You… I’m… What are you playing at? Is this some kind of sick joke Deceit?” he demanded.

“Rude. That snake wouldn’t be able to open the door to the imagination. Not even if Remus helped him. This is not his territory after all.” Roman pointed out.

Anxiety looked like he was about to argue, but deflated.

“Then… Are you having a laugh here? Because I don’t get it.” Anxiety looked Roman over as if he would be able to see the hidden dagger Roman was about to pull out.

“I am not… I misjudged you. I saw you as an enemy, while I could’ve had you as an ally.”

He offered his hand. “I propose a truce? A clean start?” he offered.

Anxiety looked from the hand to Roman’s face, analyzing every inch of his posture..

Then he nodded. “Okay… On one condition. You don’t tell the others a word.”

Roman nodded. He’d expected some sort of test of his sincerity. And he was determined to pass.

“I’m definitely going to regret this… Fine,” Anxiety sighed as he accepted Roman’s hand.

They weren’t friends. But there was definitely something there that wasn’t there before.

Part 2