#Too bad I shall repress you

[scarperseus]

Me whenever I get a thought I shouldn't be having:

"Oh, looks like Hyde has a little opinion he'd like to share with us today,"

[anonymocha]

Having internalized lesbophobia is so funny because I find JOY in liking women but then feel guilty about that too, like what the hell; That’s like the opposite of what I’m trying to do, come on 😭 We’re back to square one 😭 Unlearn shame and guilt 😭 Girl 😭

[chiquite]

Regressor Alastor with Caregiver Rosie Headcanons! ❤️🖤

I love these two sm their friendship is everything.

• Alastor 100% doesn't know anything about age/pet regression, nor does he realize he sometimes is little himself (he mostly refers to being regressed as his "episodes")

• He's mostly a pet (deer) regressor, but he does age regress from time to time.

• His regression is involuntary and happens when he's too stressed and near someone who he truly trusts, when he's little he's around 10yo.

• Rosie, however, does know what regression is and immediately recognized what was happening the first time Alastor was little around her.

• How he acts while little depends on whether he's pet or age regressing.

• When he's a little deer, he gets very clingy and stays very close to Rosie, never getting too far from her.

• He likes tackling Rosie in hugs and headbutting her arm and back lightly, that's just how he says "I love you" <3

• He losses his speech entirely, only communicating with squeaks, hums and whines.

• Rosie has no problem guessing what he wants, it's not that difficult when you are as close to him as she is.

• "Oh honey, you're munching on my sleeve, do you want a little snack?", "Don't give me that look darling, I know you're feeling sleepy!", "You're ears are pointing down sweetness, let's take you to a more quiet place, shall we?".

• When he's a little boy, however, he's Rosie's little helper.

• He still follows her everywhere but now he's always looking for ways to be involved in what she's doing.

• "Rosie! Papers!" "That's right sweet boy, we're filling these papers!"

• He needs attention and praise at all times, so Rosie always makes sure to give him small tasks to keep him occupied and make him feel important.

• "Good job bringing the sugar, darling! thanks to you we'll have a nice cup of tea now."

• He's very protective of Rosie, and also very wary of strange men (they remind him of his father, who left him and his mom), so you'll find him hugging Rosie while staring daggers at them, sometimes even growling.

• Rosie is the best at de-escalating situations and making sure Alastor doesn't harm himself or others.

• "I know you're mad honey but let's take some deep breaths okay? I'll pet behind your ears", "Someone's a little fuzzy, how about we go down for a nap huh? I'm sure that'll make you feel better"

• Rosie would love to explain what age regression is to Alastor, she really would but the guy is embarrassed enough about his "episodes" as it is! She knows that with his stubbornness if he knew he was a little he would do all in his power to repress that side of him even if it helps him and Rosie does not want that to happen.

• So for now, every time she senses he's stressed or in a bad mood she subtly and gently tries to make him regress, it works 8 out of 10 times and (although he won't admit it) it makes him feel more relaxed and focused afterwards so it works for them.

[sunny44]

All these years (Part 3)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Ex girlfriend! Reader

Warnings: slap, fights and maybe more things

Summary: Separated by a disagreement, Charles and Y/n meet again after years apart and all the feelings they had repressed come flooding back.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

My parents had already left for dinner at the Leclerc house and I was already showered and getting ready to order a pizza when the doorbell rang.

"I can't believe he really came." I said to myself and opened the door and saw Arthur standing there. “You really came here to get me. Seriously?”

"Of course I came, why didn't you came?"

"I don't want to see your brother, I didn't even want to come to the wedding so I wouldn't see your brother." He put his hand on his chest, feigning fake indignation. "I'm sorry but it's true and at the wedding I can still get away from him but there in your house with half a dozen people I can't."

"Y/n, he didn't even come, there was a problem with the plumbing in his apartment and the plumber couldn't fix it until today, so get dressed and let's go because my mother said I wouldn't have a wedding tomorrow if I didn't take you."

"Okay, let me just put some clothes on and fix my face." He agrees and I go to the bedroom.

I put on a simple black dress and sneakers, did a quick make-up just so I wouldn't look so bad and picked up my things.

I went downstairs and left my house accompanied by Arthur. As soon as we entered the house I could hear the laughter of my parents and his parents.

"Look who I brought!" he said, pulling me along.

"My God, you look beautiful." She says and hugs me. "How you've changed."

"Thank you, Mrs. Leclerc."

"It's just Pescale, darling." She smiles and runs her hand through my hair. "I missed you, it's been a while since you came to visit us, how is Milan?"

"I've missed you too and everything's fine, I've been promoted to head of the urban architecture sector."

"That's wonderful, I know how much you wanted that job."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why do you think?"

"That's great my love, I'm happy for you." My dad hugs me.

He always has a way of finding out about situations.

"Sorry I'm late, the plumber managed to get there early." he says as he walks in and stops as soon as he sees me there.

At that moment everything around me seemed to disappear except for him, it was the first time we'd seen each other in years, after all the best and worst moments of my life we were here.

Facing each other again.

"Hi darling, how are you?" My mom goes over to him and hugs him, and he takes his eyes off me.

"Hi Mrs. Y/l/n, I'm fine, how are you?”

"We're fine too." She smiles.

It had been years since I'd seen my mother smile like that, which made me roll my eyes.

"I thought you weren't coming." Lorenzo says, coming over.

"Actually, the problem was much smaller than it seemed and I managed to get the plumber to come early so everything was sorted. Where's Carla?”

"She's with her parents."

"Hi Y/n.”

"Charles."

"Greet him right Y/n."

"Don't push it, Mom."

"Well, shall we have dinner?" his mother says, changing the subject.

…

The only words we exchanged today were that greeting, then we distracted ourselves with other people on different subjects but always keeping a distance from each other.

"I think I'm going now," I said as I got up.

"Why don't you stay a little longer?" His mom asked.

"I really have to go; I haven't slept since I arrived early this morning, and I'm dead tired. I drove from Milan to here."

"Alright then, especially since tomorrow is the big day."

"We're leaving at 8 in the morning to go to the resort, okay?" Lorenzo said before I left.

"Well, in that case, I think it's best for all of us to go to sleep," Arthur got up from the couch.

"I'm going to stay around; I'm too tired to drive."

"Charles, your old room has your brother's things in it, so you can't sleep there."

"He can stay at our place." My mom said.

"Love, I..." my father tried to say it's a bad idea, but she obviously didn't care.

"Let's go, Charles, there's a spare room and no one will bother you there."

"That's great."

"Did you say something, Y/n?"

"I said 'that's great' in a very ironic way in case you didn't understand that as well."

I grabbed my phone and left there; I couldn't take my mother's jabs anymore or even look at him.

I took off my clothes and put on some pajamas, leaving the room to go to the bathroom and as I was about to open the door, Charles was coming out of it.

"Are you still going to use it?"

"Can you be less rude?"

"Are you going to use it or not?"

"No," he said and I went in.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and after going to the bathroom, I returned to the room, only to be faced with that jerk sitting on my bed.

"Excuse me, can you please leave?"

"We need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about. You need to leave because I want to sleep."

"Please, love."

"Don't call me that. In fact, don't call me anything; forget that I exist."

"It's kind of hard to forget you." He looked me up and down with a malicious look, and I slapped him in the face. "What's your problem?"

"You're my problem, and you're a jerk, too." He laughed. "Look, we haven't seen each other in years, so pretend we never even met and leave me alone."

"I just want to apologize."

"And I don't want to hear it. Nothing you have to say changes what you told me years ago."

"I never meant to say those things."

"But you did, and the fact that you said them means that you considered them to be true, even if only for a moment." He fell silent. "You moved on with your life, and I moved on with mine. I don't want to go back to the past."

"I never wanted this to happen between us. You were the love of my life and I ruined everything out of selfishness. You would never have asked me to choose, and I had no right to do the same to you. I should have supported you as a decent boyfriend would, and all I did was say those horrible things to you." He spoke, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I remembered. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry, Charles, but your apologies doesn’t change anything. Your apologies don't change the fact that I feel disgust when I look at you. The anguish I feel in my chest when I see you is still the same, and that won't change."

"I understand, but I owed you an apology even if you don't accept it," I agreed. "Goodnight, Y/n."

He left and I locked the door. Those words were haunting my mind, and I swear if I weren't so tired, I would have stayed up all night thinking about it.

Tag list: @formulas-bitch @nuggetvirgo @lndonrris @cmleitora @janeholt3 @coffeewhore18 @blueflorals @agentadhd @eviethetheatrefreak @honethatty12 @lec-16 @ariamox @boherahpsody @ssararuffoni @leilani13gc @alldaysdreamer @minmira95 @dessxoxsworld @dessxoxsworld @vellicora @meadhbhcavanagh @viramila @lightdragonrayne @444elm0gizm0 @morenofilm @millinorrizz @leclercdream @buendiabebeta @ironmaiden1313 @julesandro @ssararuffoni @sialexia

[jaybird-fanfics]

Warm

You don't know exactly how you got to this point, with your boss hovering above you, leaving gentle yet messy kisses along your jaw and neck. But here you were. Maybe it had to do with something with you messing with him on while he was heavily focused in a game he was playing. But all you did was sit next to him and played with his hair. Hell, even then, you questioned yourself. 'How did I end up in this situation?' Your boss, Shigaraki Tomura, would have never let anyone so close to him, much less touch him. And yet, you were there, sitting inches away from your shoulder touching his own. With your hand running through his messy light blue locks. 

Let's start from the beginning, shall we? It starts with you, first joining the League Of Villains. You were asked to join because of your useful quirk. You had the power to create shadow versions of yourself, multiple at once. You could also travel through the shadows with ease. Made it easier to get in and out of places without being seen. You didn't get along with most of the members, and you really didn't like your new boss. He was basically a man child, a man who had a snappy attitude who threw tantrums whenever he didn't get his way. 

He pissed you off, he annoyed you. And it's not like he liked you any better. He liked your quirk more than you. He found your quirk more use to him than your actual self. If he could, he'd just use your quirk and leave you to rot. But, unfortunately he could not do that. So he was stuck with you. Yes it seems you were in quite the situation, hating everyone you worked with, including your bitch of a boss. 

However, as the weeks turned to months of missions upon missions, you found that not all of them were that bad. Toga was a good friend despite her overall creepiness. Twice always made you laugh. Spinner had surprisingly good taste in music. Mr. Compressing was actually nice to you. Kurogiri was there whenever you needed to talk about something that was on your mind.  And Dabi, well, he was just a good dude to get high with every now and then. 

But Shigaraki? He was still the same, an ass. To you and to everyone else. There was no way you could ever respect someone like him, boss or not. That is, until one mission, you two were sent out together. Great. A while mission. Just the two of you. The two members who hated each other the most. This could only go badly. 

But to your surprise the mission had gone good so far, you didn't run into too much trouble, you were still alive, and you were about to end the mission after getting what was needed. You would count this mission as a success. Or you would have, if not for the accident. 

You were injured, and nearly caught by a pro hero. You could use your quirk to escape due to their own quirk. It repressed other's quirks to near nothingness. You felt useless, you were alone. This was it, you wee done for. And then that's when your heard it, the anguished screams of the hero above you as he turned into dust. You look up from the ground to see your boss, Shigaraki holding the hero's head before it completely dusted. Shigaraki shook his hand free from the dust before turning his attention to you. You couldn't read his expression due to the hand he wore on his face. 

He said nothing as he approached you, he just, stared at you for a while before finally speaking. "Can you stand?" He asked. You blinked before attempting to bring yourself to a stand. You did, but felt so lightheaded that you began to tumble. Before you could fall, Shigaraki caught you by the waist. He was careful as he wrapped your arm around his neck for support before walking. "I don't know if you'll make it back to HQ at this speed." He muttered. "Can you still use your quirk?" 

"I'll try." You say before creating a shadow portal from beneath you. The two of you sank down into darkness, and within seconds, you were right back inside of the League's hideout. Just that alone seemed to have completely exhausted you. You fell unconscious in Shigaraki's arms.

Only to awake later in your room. You sat up in your bed, just in time to hear Shigaraki's voice again. "Slow down. You'll reopen your wound." You look to the side to see him leaning against a wall. The hands he wore were gone, you could finally see his face. Still unreadable. "Why do you care?" You ask bitterly, looking away from him. You cursed yourself as you remembered your state of weakness. And in front of him of all people. "Because I don't want someone useful to me to die." That answer only made you more upset. "Please, as if you care what happens to me. All you care about is my quirk." 

Shigaraki said nothing to this before he started to make his away to your bedroom door. You watched, noticing the limp in his stride. 'Don't ask. Just let him leave.' You thought to yourself. Halfway to your door, he nearly tripped, hissing out in pain. You sigh. "And what happened to you?" Shigaraki looked at you. "Nothing." 

"That doesn't look like nothing." You raise an eyebrow. "You got hurt too, didn't you? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why do you care?" Shigaraki mocks your earlier question. Why do you care? You don't. He's a grown man, he can take care of himself. And yet, you found yourself getting out of bed, risking hurting yourself more just to check on him. "Sit down." You say, grabbing his wrist and leading him to your bed. He didn't make too much fuss as he did so. "It's your leg right? That's where it hurts?" You move your hand over his leg, looking up at him for a moment before going any further. Shigaraki rolled his eyes. "Go on. You're wasting my time." You shot him a look before moving his pantleg up. And there it was, a large cut on his calf. 

"Why didn't you do something about this earlier dumbass!?" You snap. "This could get infected!" Shigaraki looked a bit surprised for a brief moment. "I was too preoccupied with a half dead woman." He glared at you. "That doesn't matter, you're our boss, our leader. What if something happened to you? We'll all be directionless!" 

"It's fucking cut, I'm not going to die." Shigaraki tells you. "Infections can lead to death moron." You say firmly. "Just, go get it fixed before it actually does get infected alright?" 

"For someone who hates me, you sure are acting worried." Said Shigaraki. "It doesn't matter if I hate you or not, you're still our leader. I'd feel responsible if something happened to you while on that mission." You say. "I don't want that responsibility so, just go already." You then gave him a questionable look. "And I can say the same for you. If you hate me so much, why bother staying here in my room for who knows how long just to check if I wake up or not?" 

"Like I said, I don't want anyone useful to me dying." Said Shigaraki bluntly. You scowl. "I'm not useful, just my quirk, right?" 

"No." Shigaraki says firmly. "I need every single one of you to accomplish my goal. It's a long long ways away. I can't afford to loose anyone right now, that includes you. Your quirk helps, but it's nothing without it's host." You could have sworn his words sounded genuine. But, there was no way, right? Why would a villain care about others, even if they are on the same side? Shigaraki is nothing but a cold heartless monster. Right? 

You looked down at his wound again. "Just, go get this taken care of." 

Things were weird between you two since that day. You couldn't get Shigraki's words out of your head. There was no way he meant what he said. That's what you thought, until he actually proved it to you. You had caught the eye of a rival villain group, your quirk had proved useful to them. And so, they were willing to pay quite the penny for Shigaraki to hand you over, no questions asked. But Shigaraki wasn't having it. 

"Fuck off, she's not for sale." Shigaraki said as he swats the money out of the man's hand. "What? You think I just give my people away like that? Screw you. Now get the fuck out of my sight before I dust your asses. I should anyway, you've wasted enough of my time already." You could believe what you were hearing. And neither could the leader of the rival group. Unsatisfied with the outcome, he decided he would take you by force. But again, Shigaraki wasn't having it. 

The fight didn't last very long, and it ended with Shigaraki's foot on the chest of the leader as he stood over him. Shigaraki removed the hand from his face, he smirked as he glared down at the man. "Game over, shit stain." He said before dusting him. You just watched, surprised by his actions. 

That night, you went to look for him. Kurogiri informed you that he was in his room, and even advised you not to disturb him. But you needed to talk to him, now. You made your way to his bedroom and knocked on his door. There was no answer. After waiting for several seconds, you opened the door yourself only to be met with total darkness. The only light source coming from the TV inside. "Who the fuck is there?" Shigaraki grumbled as he paused his game. "It's me." You tell him as you took a step into the room. 

There was silence for a moment before he spoke again. "Come on then, don't just stand there." Surprised, you shut the door behind you and walked in before shutting the door behind you. Trying to follow the light to make your way to his bed. Once you reached it, you stopped and looked at him. Now you were at a sudden loss for words. "What?" Shigaraki glanced at you. "Don't tell me you interrupted my game just to stare at me all night." 

"No, that's not why I'm here." You tell him. "Then what it is it?" He asked. "I just...earlier today. Did you really mean what you said?" Shiagraki was quite for a moment. "What did I say?" He asked. "That I wasn't for sale? That you don't just give your people away?" 

"Of course I meant it." Shigaraki tells you, as if you should already know. "Did you really think I was about to give you up for a quick buck?" You went silent, really thinking it over. Did he really mean it? Did he really care for his own people? You didn't have time to question him again before he was holding a second controller towards you. "Sit down. This game is better with two people anyway." 

Wordlessly, you took the controller and sat down next to him. You watched as he played the game, not really paying much attention to your side of the screen. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he wasn't heartless. 

"You suck at this." 

But he was still a bit of a jerk.

"I wasn't even paying attention!" You defend yourself. "And why weren't you?" Asked Shigaraki. You look away from him. "Just start it over. I'll kick your ass this time." 

Soon after, it would always be like this. With you, being in his room. Playing games with him. Your were quick to find out that he did not do this for just anyone. So why you? You didn't know, and maybe you didn't want to know. Because this, whatever this was, felt so natural. You liked it. He even let you win a few times, which was way out of character for him. He was being, nice? Yeah, nice, to you. 

And...you liked it. 

And then somehow, you ended up where you are now. 

You sigh a moan as he traveled further down your jaw to your neck. His rough lips felt surprisingly nice on your skin. He kissed and nipped at your flesh a few times, very time, would gain another pleasurable little noise from you. He liked it, he wanted more. He wanted to hear you more and more. You could feel his hand slip up your shirt, his four fingers just barely touching the base of your breasts before you stopped him. 

"W-Wait, Shigaraki...Wait." 

He stopped, looking up at you. "Something wrong?" He asked. Even that, stopping when you asked, asking what was wrong...why? You looked at him, heart pounding in your chest, your body begged him to continue but your head saying otherwise. "We can't, I don't think I can..." Shigaraki was quick to remove himself from you. "Sorry." He said quietly. You sat up and put a hand to your chest. "No it's not you. I promise it's just...What is this?" 

"What?" Shigaraki looked at you, his hair nearly covering his eyes. Something you've grown to find cute over the last few days. "This. What are we doing? We're not even...I mean. I know villains shouldn't care about this kind of thing. It's not that big of a deal but, to me, to me it is." Shigaraki took a moment before answering. "You don't want this." 

"No, it's not that I-"

"No." Shigaraki cut you off. "You don't want what I am. I'm...a lot. You shouldn't want more than...this." He waved his hand between the two of you. "Why?" You tilt your head slightly. "What?" Shigaraki asks. "Why wouldn't I want you?" 

"I told you, I'm a lot." 

"A lot of guys are." You try to joke. 

"No, I mean, why would anyone want me? Look at me, I'm surprised you even let me touch you." 

You furrow your brows. Did he really think so lowly of himself? You scoot closer to him. "I let you touch me, because I wanted you to touch me. I stopped you because, well, I..." You took a breath. "I like what we have. I don't want it to be ruined by doing something we might regret." Shigaraki leaned in a little. "I wouldn't regret it...would you?" You stared at his lips, then into his eyes. "I don't know. I'm...scared. But, I want it, I want you." 

"Even if I'm...me?" Shigaraki asks you, his lips inches away from yours. "Yes." You breathed. "Ever part of you." The two of you closed the gap, you sigh as he deepened the kiss. But pulled away just as fast. "I won't go any further, not unless you want me to." You chased after his lips. "I want you to, I don't know what might happen after but, just for tonight...let me have you." Shigaraki pulled you in close to kiss you again. 

Once more you found yourself on you back. Shigaraki pulled away to take off your shirt, leaning back down to leave a trail of kisses on your chest and breasts. He brought a careful hand up to cup one of them, causing you to whine as he moved his thumb across your perky nipple. His mouth around your other, tongue flicking it over. You squeezed your legs around his hips, grinding up against him. He groaned before he pulled away, he kissed down your stomach to the top of your shorts. He tore them off of you along with your underwear. You felt his hot breath on your entrance. 

You watched him as he spread apart your folds before licking up from the base of your pussy to the top of your clit. You threw your head back, eyes shut tight. Your hands shot down to his hair, pulling him in closer so you could grind onto his face. He hummed in delight as he ate you out, thumb rubbing at your clit at a ever quickening pace. 

"Shit! Shiggy! Just like that!" You moaned loudly. Shigaraki groaned as his hips rutted against the bed to get some sort of friction. The sounds coming from Shigaraki eating out your pussy made you squirm in the best of ways. Ever slick squelch filled the dark quiet room. Just as you were about to hit your high, he pulled away, a trail of slick following his mouth. 

"Damn it, why?" You whine. Shigaraki licked his lips clean before removing his shirt. "Don't worry, you'll get to cum...I promise." He chuckled darkly. You barely heard him as you gazed at his figure. Skinny, thin, you could practically see his ribcage. But damn, if he wasn't sexy in his own way. Every scar, mole, any imperfection, you found so beautiful. You were snapped out of your thoughts as you felt him grinding against your bare cunt. You let out a sharp gasp. "You fell that?" He asked. You looked down at his large erection in his pants. "You did that. Now you're gonna do something about it." 

Oh fuck yes. You sat up, not needing to know what to do next. You crawled towards him and palmed at his erection. He placed his hand on yours. "Beg for it." He demanded. "Please..." You begged. "I want it, I want it in my mouth. Please Shiggy." He smirked before removing his pants and boxers. Shit. You nearly came at the sight of it. He was very thick around, but he made up for it in length. You wrapped your hand around his dick, pumping it a few times before placing the tip at your lips. You kissed it before swirling your tongue around it. You heard Shigaraki groan before he placed his hand behind your head. 

He pushed your forwards, taking the almost the whole thing into your mouth. "That's it baby. Take it like a good girl." You whined before bobbing your head up and down, hand pumping what couldn't fit. You almost gagged a few times as the tip hit the back of your throat. Shigaraki threw his head back. "Fuck yes. Taking it like a good little slut." You whined again at his words, moving a hand down to rub at your clit. 

"Ah! Take that hand away before I take my cock out of that pretty little mouth. And leave you with fucking nothing." You quickly move your hand away. Shigaraki thrusted into your mouth, lids batting as tears started to roll down your cheeks. "Aw, is it too much for you? You can take it, I know you can." He said as he continued to thrust. Soon you didn't have to bob, he was doing it pretty much for you as he fucked your face. 

"Shit!" He pulled your head away just as he was getting close. You coughed a few times, before panting heavily. Again, you were given nothing. "Shiggy..." You pant. "Sorry, are you ok? That was a lot, huh?" Shigaraki cupped your face. You smile. "I'm ok." Shigaraki smiled as well. "Good, now lay back for me ok?" 

You nod before laying on your back, legs spreading open for him. Shigaraki was once again on top of you, lining up with your entrance. He looked at you, you gave him a nod telling him you were ready for him. He nods back before slowly pushing himself into you. You clutch at the sheets as you felt him fill you up to the very brim with his length. "Oh fuck. Shiggy, please, please move." You begged breathlessly. Shigaraki huffed as he gripped onto your hips, he thrusted harshly into you, quickening his pace with each time. 

You clenched down onto him as he brushed against that oh so sweet spot deep within you, causing him to groan loudly. He caught himself as he leaned down, groaning and moaning into your ear, panting heavily as his thrusts became more and more uneven and sloppy. He was close, and so were you. "Yes! Shiggy, right there! Please!" Shigaraki pounded harder, faster into your quivering cunt. Just as you were about to hit your high, he bit down onto your neck with a heavy groan. It was just enough to send you over the edge with a loud cry of his name. 

Shigaraki wasn't far behind, with a few more hard trusts he came inside of you, filling you up more. He grinds into you to ride out his orgasm before slowing to a still. He moves away from your neck and looks down at you, what he saw made his heart skip a beat. Your fucked out expression, mouth slightly parted as you panted, red faced, tears in the corners of your eyes. You looked so cute like this. He chuckled before slowly pulling out, making you whine at the loss. 

He shifted to lay next to you, bringing you in close to him. "Think you'll still regret this?" He asked. "Cause I sure as fuck don't." You look up at him. "Well, that depends...do you want this? More than just what we did?" You ask. Shigaraki moved a strand of hair from your face. "You're asking me to be your boyfriend, right?" You blush slightly as you nod. "If you don't want to then-"

"It's not something I'd normally do, you know? Be someone's partner in a romantic way." That made your heart ache. But what he said next made you hopeful. "But, you're something else you know that? You...you make me feel things I didn't know I could feel." His eyes met yours as he spoke. "If you really want me, then, I want you too." 

You smiled as you brought a hand up to his cheek. "Yes, I want you." Shigaraki smiled as well. "Then, you have me." He said before leaning down to kiss you deeply. 

For the first time, Shigaraki Tomura didn't feel cold. He didn't feel dead inside. Instead, he felt something he didn't know was possible for him to feel. And it was thanks to you, that he finally felt warm...

[emmabirb8]

Ok ok, but have you thought about the fact that throughout the series, Nandor has saved or protected Guillermo's life just as much as Guillermo has saved and protected Nandor's? Because I have, and I am feeling Ways about it.

Obviously, Guillermo has always gone  above and beyond for Nandor as far as familiar duties go, and he has slain countless vamps to protect not only Nandor but also the rest of the household. It's a given and it's been a given from the start that Guillermo would do anything to keep Nandor (and his other housemates by extension) safe. He has outright said they are his found family, and it definitely shows. 

Well, in a slightly subtler way, the case is the same for Nandor. God, the things that Nandor has done for Guillermo - the risks he's taken, the knee-jerk reactions, the choices he's made? It is profound.

Consider that Nandor a. as a vamp is not expected to care about his familiar beyond using him as a tool to get things done, b. believes acting "aloof," aka unbothered and unconcerned, is key, and most importantly c. struggles heavily with identifying, working through, and expressing his emotions. AND YET, without even stopping to think about it, he:

Stepped in to stop that hungry vamp at Simon's club (Manhattan Night Club)

Refused to let Guillermo be eaten by the Vampiric Council (The Trial)

Stopped Topher from drowning him (Resurrection)

Kept Guillermo's slaying a secret after discovering that he had dusted Carol (The Return)

Told Celeste to "be kind to Guillermo" when he thought she was gonna be his new vampire mistress (arguably, this counts bc he was making an effort to ensure Guillermo would be treated well and kept alive under Celeste's watch) (Collaboration)

Defended him against the wrath of Nadja and Laszlo (the housemates Nandor has known, lived with, and loved for far longer than he's known Guillermo) who were 100% prepared to kill him every single night for a month while he was imprisoned in the basement (The Prisoner)

"Yanked" Guillermo away from the line of fire when he was acting as bait for The Sire and attempted to fix the situation himself (The Escape)

Immediately dove into the sewage hole in the floor to rescue Guillermo when he fell in (Reunited)

Volunteered to battle him in place of a more dangerous vampire at the Night Market (The Night Market)

Made sure he was okay at the end of the fight after pretending to snap his neck (The Night Market)

Nandor is the KING of repression, but actions speak louder than words, babes. This is not even counting the times he has shown outward kindness, affection for, and attachment to Guillermo to the point where it's entirely too conspicuous for anyone to believe he's not in love with him. (Tho he's apparently managed to fool himself well enough, hasn't he? lmao) 

Hell, I'm in a listing mood - let's recount those moments too, shall we?

Just off the top of my head, Nandor has canonically also:

Made Guillermo a glitter portrait depicting the two of them together as vampires as a gift to celebrate his anniversary of becoming his familiar (that he was clearly proud of and excited about and that clearly took a lot of effort and planning ❤) in the very first episode 

Held him up above his head to help him reach higher places when dusting and held him up in front of a mirror so he could experience the sensation of flying (like what vampire does that fr???? he was down bad even in the earliest eps) 

Become a blubbering mess worrying where Guillermo was while high on drug blood 

On multiple occasions actually took him flying by wrapping his arms tenderly around him 👀, then admitted he was his friend out loud in front of Nadja and the camera crew as early as ep 4 after feeling guilty about accidentally dropping him during a flight

Played chess with him (and it's implied this is a regular thing for them 🥹)

Been visibly upset each time Guillermo has left - it's heavily implied he missed even the smallest gestures like the hand holding, and he outright verbally expressed his hurt feelings in front of the entire Theatre des Vampires

Been distraught enough after the Celeste situation that he attempted to "win" Guillermo back first by talking to him and then by giving him another gift with the "beating off" pillow, and then actually complied with Guillermo's requests to be more respected and given breaks after that

Taken the time to go down and keep Guillermo company while he was imprisoned in the basement and made a genuine attempt to give him better quality food

Urged Nadja and Laszlo to treat Guillermo with more respect and to try to take an interest in his life at the casino

Reacted in a way that wasn't even the slightest bit angry (and in fact, he appeared grateful for it besides becoming excessively horny on main) about The Slap

Said he has "grown to have some affection for" Guillermo out loud to his face (which, for someone as repressed as Nandor, is huge)

Offered a very blatantly romantic turning scenario in which he expressed a desire to share soil with Guillermo, which, again, is huge 

Become markedly upset that Guillermo never showed up at the train station to accompany him on his trip

Started making steps in the direction of reversing their dynamic in s4 by doing things like helping Guillermo dry off and getting him a glass of water after he fell into the hole, paying more genuine attention to him and his life, expressing a desire for Nadja and Laszlo to be more serious and respectful of him, valuing his input (esp for the dick wish), and being appreciative of all the work he has constantly put in for him (whenever using his new penis 😏) 

Offered Guillermo the position of best man at his wedding which was clearly of utmost importance to Nandor, even more so than finding someone to marry in the first place 

Actually remembered the exact amount of years Guillermo has been his familiar/bodyguard and called him his "closest companion" in front of lots of other (arguably dangerous) vampires 

Been so excited and proud of Guillermo's moves when he was battling other familiars at the Night Market to the point of exclaiming "that's my fucking guy!"

Called Guillermo his friend out loud again when he got visibly worried he may have killed him

Admitted to Guillermo that he was afraid right before his wedding (!!!!), looked at Guillermo longingly/lovingly, accidentally revealed his desire to literally hug Guillermo close and kiss his face through his wish about Marwa (!!!!!!), and took a moment to whisper sweet nothings to Guillermo and cover him up when he discovered he'd fallen asleep (!!!!!!!!!)

Dorkily but sweetly prevented Guillermo from falling in the bg shot of Go Flip Yourself (like, truly, why would he care omfgggg he's so in love it's making him look stupid)

Actually made a very misguided but solid follow-through attempt to fix the Freddie situation as soon as he realized how upset Guillermo was about it

IT'S JUST SOOOO MUCH!!! I've been going through the series highlighting Nandermo moments for creative idea purposes in these last few weeks, and I can honestly say that I believe there are possibly more instances where Nandor has hinted at or displayed his feelings toward Guillermo than there are of Guillermo hinting at or displaying his feelings for Nandor. It's fucking insane you guys. 💖

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Bad things that robespierre did.

(I don't know why i don't feel safe by asking this question--)

Well, if we’re gonna speak in those terms, some things off the top of my head go as follows below. I don’t know if everyone on here would consider all of them fully ”bad” given the circumstances, so maybe a better way to see it is as ”ways Robespierre was involved in the period afterwards dubbed ”the terror” that are not all as known.”

On May 26, Robespierre, after having refused to for several months, openly called for an insurrection against deputies of the National Convention at the Jacobins — ”[…] the people must rebel. This moment has arrived. […] I invite the people to join the National Convention in insurrection against all the corrupt deputies.” Three days later, on May 29, he repeated this wish — ”I say that if the people do not rise in their entirety, liberty is lost.” Two days after that, the Insurrection of May 31 took place, with armed sans-culotte storming the Convention and obtaining the arrest of 29 Girondins. I find it hard to believe Robespierre’s words didn’t play a decesive roll for the insurrection to happen when it did.

Robespierre also had a hand in the creation of Desmoulins’ pampleth Histoire des Brissotins (May 1793), which is another piece essential in the fall of the Girondins. This is proven through the following passage from Lettre de Camille Desmoulins, député de Paris à la Convention, au général Dillon en prison aux Madelonettes (1793): ”The true origin of the rigor of the Committee towards you, would it be in a very long note, which was printed following l’Histoire des Brissotins, which Robespierre made me cut out?”

On October 29 1793, when the trial of the Girondins had been dragging on for five days, Robespierre proposed that ”If it happens that the judgment of a case brought before the revolutionary tribunal has lasted for more than three days, the president will open the next session by asking the juror if their conscience is sufficiently enlightened. If the juror answers yes, judgment will proceed immediately.” The motion was passed and became essential in getting the 22 Girondins condemned to death the following day. How many others fell victim to it afterwards I don’t know.

Robespierre also played an important role in the condemnation of the dantonists, who also got a not so very fair trial before being driven to the scaffold. I’ve already written about the different ways he was involved here.

Robespierre personally wrote to several representatives on mission and encouraged them to be bold when punishing counter revolutionaries in the departments. I don’t think such words coming from someone as influencial should be considered insignificant when measuring the repression that was later carried out there: 

The National Convention, citoyens collegues, witnessed with pleasure your entry into Lyon. But its joy could not be complete when it saw that you at the first movements yielded to a sensibility way too unpolitical. You seemed to abandon themselves to a people who flatter the victors, and the manner in which you speak of such a large number of traitors, of the punishment of a very few and the departure of almost all, have alarmed the patriots who are indignant at seeing so many scoundrels escaping through a gap and going to Lozère and mainly Toulon. We therefore won’t congratulate you on your successes before you have fulfilled all that you owe to your country. Republics are demanding; there is national recognition only for those who fully deserve it. We send you the decree that the Convention issued this morning on the report of the Committee (this decreee, which contains the infamous phrase ”the city of Lyon shall be destroyed” — a slogan which Robespierre himself had come up with). It has proportioned the vigor of its measures to your first reports. It will never remain below what the Republic and freedom expect. Beware above all of the perfidious policy of the Muscadins and the hypocritical Federalists, who raise the standard of the Republic when it is ready to punish them, and who continue to conspire against it when the danger has passed. It was that of the Bordelais, of the Marseillais, of all the counter-revolutionaries of the South. This is the most dangerous stumbling block of our freedom. The first duty of the representatives of the people is to discover it and avoid it. We must unmask the traitors and strike them without pity. These principles alone, adopted by the National Convention, can save the country. These principals are also yours; follow them; listen only to your own energy, and carry out with inexorable severity the salutary decrees which we address to you. CPS decree to the representatives in the newly entered Lyon, written by Robespierre on October 12.

PS — Punish severely and promptly the traitors and royalists, especially the leaders and principal agents of Girondin and counter-revolutionary intrigues. Beware of the marks of patriotism with which they cover themselves, following the example of the traitors of the Convention, who are their models. Only by purging the den of counter-revolution and hypocrisy can you spare the Republic the new disasters with which it is always threatened in the South. Robespierre in a post-scriptum note added to a CPS decree to representatives in Bordeaux written by Billaud-Varennes (in other words something he really wanted to underline for the representatives)

The representatives of the people near the army of Italy and the department of Bouches-du-Rhône are in charge of these measures: they will have the leaders of the royalist and federalist faction severely punished. CPS decree regarding Marseilles written by Robespierre on November 4 1793

These fears for the suffering public good, which made me decide to come here (Lyon) on your (ton) invitation, were not in vain. Letter from Collot d’Herbois to Robespierre dated November 3 1793. A sign Robespierre played a decisive role in sending Collot to punish Lyon.

Like I wrote in this post, Robespierre and his collegues at the CPS and the Convention were aware of the wholesale repression carried out by representatives on mission like Fouché and Carrier without seemingly trying to do anything about it (so I suppose they accepted what they heard). In fact, none of the decrees recalling the representatives hint that the amount of executions carried out under their stay is the reason for it.

If Robespierre’s role in writing the Law of 22 Prairial is more dubious than what a few historians would have us believe (the only person who’s involvement in the development of the law can truly be established is Couthon) he was nevertheless the author behind the decree for the Commission of Orange on May 10 1794 (1, 2), a decree that has been accepted as the precursor of the aforementioned law. Like the law of 22 Prairial, the decree made it the duty for the commission to punish ”the enemies of the people,” which it defined as ”all those who, by any means whatsoever and with any deeds they may have covered themselves, have sought to thwart the march of the revolution and to prevent the strengthening of the Republic.” The punishment for this crime was always death, and the proof necessary for condemnation ”is all information, of whatever nature, which can convince a reasonable man and friend of liberty.” Within 47 days, the commission pronounced 332 death sentences, 116 prison sentences and 147 acquittals.

In April 1794 was introduced a police bureau subortinate to the CPS (Bureau de surveillance administrative et de police générale). It would appear it was meant to be run by mainly Saint-Just, but that Robespierre took it over when he was away from the captal. Due to Saint-Just’s frequent missions, Robespierre ended up being the actual head of the bureau during two of its three months existence (the notes for the bureau are in SJ’s hand from April 23-27, in both SJ and Robespierre’s on the 28th, only Robespierre between April 28-May 31, both on June 1, only Robespierre between June 2-29, both on June 30 and afterwards occasional reports made by either SJ or Couthon). Unfortunately, only one study exists over the bureau, made in 1930 by the historian Arne Ording. It has been digitalized by Internet Archive, but in super poor quality, so you end up having to rely more on what other historians say about it. Which isn’t that easy either because they all seem to lay out different numbers. According to Albert Mathiez (1930), Ording’s study found 464 decrees from the police bureau between April 24 to July 26 (and 1 814 from the Committee of General Security for the same period ) — 58 of which ordered liberations of prisoners and 250 were arrests. Annie Jourdan (2016) too writes that the bureau contained 464, of which 250 were arrests and 295 looked at officials. But she also adds that only a fifth of the judgments were acquittals, and that, instead of April 24, the bureau functioned between May 23 and July 28. According to George Lefebvre (1931), Ording only consulted  121 of the 464 decrees (out of which 55 were either written or co-signed by someone else than Robespierre, Saint-Just and Couthon), making you wonder how the two previous can be sure about what all the decrees contained… The same thing is claimed by J.M Thompson (1935) but he also adds that, ”out of 775 notes by Robespierre, Saint-Just, and Couthon, only 229 should be found ordering arrest, or reference to the Tribunal, or transference to Paris.” In other words, there would exist more notes than actual decrees… The bureau nevertheless makes Robespierre the CPS member to have signed the second biggest amount of decrees ordering arrests and or/transfers before the Revolutionary Tribunal during the period dubbed ”the great terror” (30, after Saint-Just’s 35, and yes, I have actually counted the arrests found in Recueil des actes du comité de salut public to come to this conclusion🤦🏼‍♀️) and this despite the fact that he was absent for about half of it. I also don’t think it’s impossible he was trying to make the Committee of General Security redundant with the help of the bureau, considering he does recommend making said committee subortinate to the CPS in his last speech.

On June 7 1794, a letter signed by Robespierre and Barère ordered Hermann — the chairholder of the Commission of Civil Administration, Tribunals and Prisons and put in first place on a list of patriots with ”more or less talent” written by Robespierre — to investigate if there were plans for a breakout in the Bicêtre prison after having received a warning from one of its inhabitants. Six days later, a CPS decree signed by Robespierre and seven of his collegues ordered 15 inhabitants from said prison to be transferred to the Conciergerie in order for them to come before the Revolutionary Tribunal as soon as possible. It further ordered Hermann to send to the tribunal all other Bicêtre prisoners suspected of being part of the same complot. Ten days after that, on June 23, Hermann sent Robespierre a letter in which he suggested applying this procedure to all the prisons of Paris, in order to ”purge the prisons at a stroke and to clear the soil of freedom from these dregs and rejects of humanity.” Robespierre sent the letter back with both his signature and the word approved written on it, together with the counter signatures of Barère and Billaud-Varennes. Two days later on June 25, the CPS confirmed their decision when writing a decree charging Hermann’s Commission of Civil Administration, Tribunals and Prisons ”to search in the various prisons of Paris for those who have been particularly involved in the various factions, in the various conspiracies that the National Convention has destroyed, and whose chefs it has punished, those who in the prisons were trustees and agents of these conspiratorial factions, and who were to be the actors of the scenes so often projected for the massacre of the patriots and the ruin of freedom to make it her own. The charge, moreover, of taking, in concert with the administration of the police, all means of establishing order in the prisons.” The decree bears Robespierre’s signature, along with those of ten of his collegues. Finally, on July 5, a CPS decree written by Barère and signed by him, Robespierre and seven others ordered the same commission ”to make a daily report on the conduct of the prisoners in the various prisons of Paris, and the Revolutionary Tribunal to judge within 24 hours those who have attempted revolt or excited closure.” This was the solution to the so called ”prison conspiracies,” in which on several days, prisoners were brought before the tribunal in big groups to be met with flimsy evidence against them, and where aquittals mostly numbered between about 0-3. In total, 363 people were executed (37 people on June 16, 36 on June 26 (the Bicêtre prison), 60 on July 7, 48 on July 9, 38 on July 10, 25 on July 22 (the Luxembourg prison), 46 on July 23 (the Carmes prison), 25 on July 24, 25 on July 25 and 23 on July 26 (the Saint-Lazare prison)) — about 27% of the 1366 official victims of ”the great terror.” Not only that, but among those executed can be found three 16-year-olds, the youngest people to ever have been executed by the Paris Revolutionary Tribunal. As can be seen from the decrees, Robespierre is certainly not the only one who bears responsibility for these executions (the direct orders to immediately send prisoners from the Luxembourg (signed Saint-Just on July 5) and Carmes prison (signed Saint-Just, Carnot, Prieur, Billaud-Varennes, Couthon and Collot d’Herbois on July 20) before the tribunal would for example appear to not have been made by him), but given his closeness to Hermann and the fact he, along with Barère, is the only one to have signed all of them, certainly shows he’s not blameless for what went down. According to J.M Thompson, the prison reports also built on facts reported by the above mentioned police bureau, which, according to him, makes Robespierre bear a double responsibility.

On August 15 1792, Robespierre was the first person to suggest creating a Revolutionary Tribunal, a wish that was fulfilled two days later (1, 2).

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Clinging too much to the Mask

Or Miles' is neglecting his civilian life for his hero one.

Something I love about Across the Spider-verse, is that no one is truly evil, but that doesn't justify their actions. Likewise, the heroes aren't perfect, in some cases they actively need to work to own their mistakes, and in others, they need to learn a more simple lesson.

I think this last one can apply to Miles. Because while he is doing his best, I feel the story tries to point out that despite "balancing" his double life, he may be prioritizing one over the other.

We get to see this before we properly get to see Miles, who instead of being in this meeting-

He is going around the city.

Not gonna lie, in my first viewing, I felt Rio and Jeff needed to cut Miles some slack; like sure they were being kind of harsh because they didn't know what was going on, but Miles was truly trying hard!

However, the more I rewatched the movie, and the more I keep looking at certain things, the more I realized that Miles' parents are being WAY nicer about all of this than other parents I had seen, and also, that even if you have the context he is not handling this very well.

Let's start with this scene, shall we?

So, Rio and Jeff want to talk about university opportunities and scholarships, which I feel is a bit early for a fifteen-year-old, but if he wants to get into the best Physics program in the nation, I guess it makes sense needing to start early. I am assuming Miles had at least mention wanting to do big things; which is of course what his parents want because they know what he is capable of; so I wouldn't be surprised if they arranged this meeting SPECIFICALLY because Miles set his future on this.

But regardless if it was Miles's idea or his parents, the fact on the matter is this: he should be here.

Because let's remember, he isn't skipping this meeting because the Spot or a villain with a bigger profile was causing a ruckus, we saw him slinging around the city as if he was strolling, and when he goes to get the Spot, he first does this:

I know Spider-man is known for witty remarks and Miles is definitely not an anomaly on that front, but you cannot tell me he didn't explicitly want a patty and it just so happens to have a bad guy in the place; he may have not grabbed himself hasn't the Spot not being there but I bet he would have gone to this shop ruckus or not.

Even if that wasn't the case, he is already late for the meeting; but he still took his time to patrol the city for, as far as we can tell, no real reason besides just checking around.

I get that he is Spider-man and has responsibilities with the city, but when Miles has an important meeting to be in, and he decides just swinging across the city is more important than being there; we have to admit that this is a problem.

And the longer we spend in 1610 the more that shows.

This monologue feels like it can be unrelated, at first.

Miles doing the Spider-man presentation makes sense; it has been established in this franchise as a device to present the characters, so having him update on his spidey-situation while following the trope presentation they had done before it's perfect to match the tone of the first movie.

But I am also a firm defender of "weaponize tropes to press further the message of the story" and I think having Miles do this presentation can support how much emphasis he puts on his hero life.

Last time during the first movie, he did his own spidey-presentation at the end, but he also talked about finishing his essay, and doing art with his dad. In this one, we only get mentions of things related to being Spider-man, you can argue that including his uncle on the recap may also be involved because he died just in the time he was becoming Spider-man.

(This is also to remind the audience of this plot point for the ending but shhh we are focussing on other things here.)

This is nothing new for Spidey-people, Gwen the more repressed she is the more she clings to her duty, which only makes her repress more and makes the cycle continue. Peter B was okay with the idea of staying behind even if it meant dying, and let's be real here, part of the reason he was okay with it was that dying as a spider-man is an idea he made peace with years ago, but confronting MJ about what happened was scarier.

This also happened in the first movie.

This is before they know they may die if they stay, however, you have to admit is a tad unsettling that after being told "You will need to destroy your only way to get home," everyone IMMEDIATELY says they will do it.

Forget being superheroes, no one has any doubts? Any fears of how long it would take to go back home, if at all?

Peni and Gwen worry me especially because I know why those two may just prefer to ditch their home dimensions for a good while (Gwen because she already lost her Peter, was in a flaky relationship with her dad, and probably was neglecting other people too. Peni if you had read some of her comics is not that surprising, heck I want to get her out of that dimension myself.)

I could go on, because I don't think we had seen a Spidey person in this franchise who isn't putting way too much emphasis on their hero identity; but you get the idea. This is a common problem.

And Miles is no different.

When we go to the Party for his dad (something his mom reminded him of before he bolted out to capture the Spot,) we see that the Party is in full swing. Music is in, people had already started digging in the food, and kids are playing.

Look, growing up my family had parties like this, fairly often growing up. This one is to celebrate Captain Morales obviously, but I had been at family reunions that are easily this size.

Considering the size and for who is the Party, I am surprised they didn't call him non-stop when he didn't show up to help put everything up (because I am having a hard time believing he wouldn't be expected to help to put everything,) it was already late when the first person showed up, so by this point, this is beyond lateness.

And where he is at?

JUST NOW he is picking up the cake, AS SPIDERMAN.

Miles, mijo ¿Qué estás haciendo? Para este punto de la partida yo ya estaría haciendo mi testamento.

(Trans: Miles, son, what are you doing? By this point I would be doing my will.)

Ok jokes aside, I don't know what's more unbelievable, that he is just now getting the cake, or that he is doing it in the Spidey costume.

This tells us EXACTLY what he was doing before coming up to pick this cake.

Last time we see him, he told his dad he didn't believe The Spot would come back, which means he didn't exactly think there was any danger. Nothing in the movie shows or tells us there was another big emergency he didn't need to attend to, either; and it has CLEARLY been a few hours since that moment since the lightning has changed.

Don't tell me he came in with his Spidey suit to get a better deal or something, the woman clearly doesn't care about it; and even then, at any moment he seems to find a way to change just so he can move around the city more easily.

Not to mention that while he was trying to come to the Party, this happened.

In case you need to make sure what's happening, since this moment happens in a few seconds during Jeff speech; because someone was stealing shoes (with a guard who is clearly not giving a shit,) he sent a web to stop him.

And rather than just, going on with his day, he stops to sign some autographs and pics, to the point someone else thinks the taxi is waiting for a new client, which the guy obviously accepts.

Honestly, once this moment clicked for me I feel a little dumb to not realize that this is actually a thing Miles needs to confront about himself and not just the natural back and forth that is expected with this life.

And you can see it in other things too.

Miles isn't a loner, or at least he wasn't one in Into the Spider-verse.

I remember that when I saw the movie the contrast surprised me, like many other people, I had grown up with plenty Peter Parker adaptations, where he is most of the time, a nerd that deals with bullying to some degree. Even with Miles being his own character, I was surprised that at least in his old school and neighborhood, he not only has friends, he is basically a popular kid.

Now in ATSV? That seems to have gone away.

Is such a small detail in both movies, but it still shocks me every time I think about it hard enough.

Miles had tons of friends, or at least people he definitely got along with; people who said that miss him and such. Even if we never hear a name from him; look at the people greeting him at the beginning at ITSV, go to see the movie and see how much Miles scrolls on his contact list; there is no way in hell he wasn't close to some of these people.

But all of them seem to have gone away by this movie, not only did neither of his parents think of asking about anyone in the neighborhood, Miles himself only scratches the names of his spidey-friends. This either means Rio and Jeff know enough of the people in the neighborhood to be aware Miles is not going out with any of them; or the relationships had deteriorated enough that neither party even thinks of the possibility of being with any of them.

That's...that's a lot.

Look, I am not going to say Miles changing school wouldn't affect his previous friendships, I know exactly how that works.

But in ITSV, Miles said it himself, he still lives here, none of them look like they live too far to be impossible to hang out with; and despite that, the only friend he seems to have is Genki; who aside from being his rommie, is the only person he has that knows his secret.

Which is probably, the only reason they are close enough for Miles's parents to know about him.

To top it all off, this shows that Miles isn't exactly shy, he may have not been fitting too well with his classmates at first but it has been over a year, and he should have been able to make more friends. If he wanted to.

And is not the only thing suffering.

I am not sure if the joke is that Miles is trying to soften the blow and the teacher is telling on him, or, that he legit forgot the number of classes. Considering it was obvious the woman was going to know and had no incentive in hiding this from his parents; I am inclined to believe Miles actually forgot how many classes he lost.

Considering how spidey emergencies work, 6 classes isn't that big of a thing, assuming this is the only class he has lost classes on. Knowing how the hero gig works you could expect more, but for my own sanity I will pretend it has been only these.

There is a big chance he missed those classes for really, bad situations where he needed to be there. However, we aren't actually sure; and considering the direction this movie is going, it is very feasible he may be messing around a few times.

And look, Miles grades are freaking amazing; seriously I was doing a lot worse in school without any hero business involved. But even if he obviously puts some level of priority in his studies, you can see that this is a struggling battle.

Not to mention the elephant in the room, that is the fact that the reason we know he is working so hard to have good grades, is because he wants to go to Princeton University.

Miles can't give the exact reason as to why in this scene, but this is really all we need to hear:

I really don't need to explain myself further, but because I already had the image at hand from something else, here it is.

The only not related to Spider-man is that he is somewhat prioritizing, and has to do more to see the other Spiders than his actual future.

I think this becomes more obvious when you remember that as smart as he is with Physics, in the first movie he wasn't really interested; despite what he knew he was trying to fumble that class like the rest of them, trying to quit. The only thing he seemed passionate about was his art, which is the other class that he is doing amazingly.

I had seen people argue Miles' dream will probably be related to art, if it wasn't because seeing the other spiders has become even more important than that, deciding to try to get into the best Physics Program in the country just to see if he has a chance to meet them again. That's a lot of time, effort, and work; and is not even about him or what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

In a way, this movie comes to a conclusion about it, but I think I want to talk more about that when we focus on Miles' parents.

Thank you for reading, hope this gives you guys some perspective about Miles; I feel I don't see a lot of people picking up on this, which is a shame since I feel the story with his family gains a deeper layer by having both parties struggling in their own areas.

[bubblergoespop]

My Top Guy Quotes

silly pizza manヽ(*＾ω＾*)ﾉ @capitalisticveins @miya-akiko he has been delivered!!

“You’re a jerk. Well. I like jerks.”

“We can’t be getting outta bed before 10, that’d be crazy, that would violating countless labor laws.”

“Oh, you are getting close. Hi! Hi baby. I love youuu~”

“I missed you. I always miss you. Days are long when you’re not around.”

“Jealousy’s a disease, get well soon to those bitches.“

“Come on, take my hand. Well if you don’t, I mean you could get lost on the way. Anything could happen.”

“I am not a menace. I am the menace. And I am your menace. I love you, honey.”

“I don’t need all that shit. I love you just like this. Eye rolling and grumbling is a totally valid love language.”

“Dishes? Dishes? You want me to do dishes? […] Honey, I like a little degradation as much as the next guy, but can’t you just put me on a leash instead, like a normal couple?”

“Let go of me, ahhhh I’m being repressed!”

“Oh, no, no I’m kidding, come here, don’t pout. Yes you are, you are pouting. It’s cute.“

“I vacillate wildly between either looking like an Adonis sent down like a gift or a literal gremlin that couldn’t pull numbers if his life depended on it.”

“No, you smile plenty. And it’s a beautiful smile when you grace me with it. It’s special when you smile.”

“But you are a softy with me. And the other people you care about. You feel things deep. That’s not a bad thing.”

“And how exactly do you expect to keep me in this bed now that you’ve got me here, hmm? Thought about that? Ooohhh gon’ tie me down, fifty shades of honey oooo~”

“You look really cute bundled up in bed like that. Shut up, yes you do. My cute little grumpyface. Aw is my grumpyface mad at me?“

“Aw. That’s so sweet. Who are you and what have you done with my lover? [hit] Ow, okay, there you are.”

“What do you mean you’re gross? You’re not gross, you’re amazing.”

“Thank you for seeing something in me. Something that mattered. Nah, I was talking about my ass.”

“You know wordplay reminds me of? Tongue-twisters! You know what tongue-twisters remind me of? Tongue-kissing, let’s explore that topic shall we—ow ow ow”

“That’s not nothing, that’s called quality time honey.”

“I only wanna be supine if I’m being supine with you!”

“I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me~”

“Ew, you can’t give me a forehead kiss, that’s too sweet! Who are you? Why would you do that, being all tender and sweet, that’s gross, you’re gross. No, don’t go. I like you tender and sweet and gross.”

“You have a wonderful hand. It does exquisite work. Ooo don’t make a boy a promise, you betta use it to cover this mouth, fifty one shades of honey ooo~.”

“Making my stupid jokes isn’t as fun without you rolling your eyes and pretending to hate it.”

“Is that why you put up with my memes and shit? Cause I got a big dick and a great ass?”

“I’ll never be sorry for a chance to spend a day at your side.”

“—eh, “Buy Low”, “Start Low”, what’s the difference? You say tomato, I say I wanna put my head between your thighs, it’s semantics.”

“It’s about your thighs wrapped around my head like you’re trying to crush a watermelon. Aw, come on, I’m made of tough stuff. Or not, but hey, that’s a hell of a way to go.”

“You know what this means though, right? Oh my god, they were roommates!”

“Honeybabydarling.”

“But I’ll restrain myself. At least until I can convince you to restrain me. Preferably to our bed. Unnhh.”

“I want to make you squirm under the touch of my fingers and the heat of my mouth and the weight of my tight, straining body pressed flush against yours. And then at some point you can shampoo my hair, cause that always feels nice.”

“Okay, okay, very serious… Canasta. Nasty canasty. Ow—!”

“I’m ready for instruction, professor. Mmm. Mmhmm. I think you’ll find I’m a very hands-on learner. Unnhhh.”

“Do they have to match suite kiss me. Hmm? No, I asked do they have to match suite kiss me, like does the whole canasta kiss me have to be the same suite please kiss me. I don’t know what you mean kiss me. […] kiss me, kiss me really hard.”

“Because no one’s gonna tell me I’m too sexy to be who I am.”

“And maybe I wanna get some, I don’t know! Who said that? Wait— who said that? Wait, who was that? I mean that wasn’t me… shit.”

“That’s my brain, and the only thing that’s gonna wake it up is some kisses. Slow sexy kisses. With tongue. For. You know. Kinetic energy. Transfer. In my mouth. Our mouths.”

“Thank you, honey. I don’t know. For a lot of things. For the water. For hanging out with me. For putting up with me. For being so hot and sexy. I repeat, for putting up with me.”

“I’d lick it off the fucking floor at this point if that’s what you want— anything. That’d be pretty fucking hot actually.”

“I love you, hun.”

“Ah, mm, no. I saw the smile. Yes you did, you can’t hide it from me.”

“Anyway, I am half naked. You are very mean. That’s very hot. You and me honey ain’t nothing but mammals so, uh, whaddya say we do it like they do on discover channel, unhh? Well, you know, personally I was thinking a little less nature documentary and a little more battle bots, you know? Like, I want you to just fucking snap me like a twig!”

“Can’t steal what’s already yours. That’s why you can’t steal my heart cause it’s already yours. Do not groan at me!”

“With you, silence doesn’t feel bad. You looking at me doesn’t feel scary. It feels really good. Feeling seen by you feels good.”

[dagwolf]

From Reverberation Vinyl on Facebook:

I'm a "record store day indifferent" type of shop. I don't carry the sort of things that people line up for, and the things I do stock that are attached to rsd are all items you'd find here on the average Wednesday. I don't hold it against anyone, takes all kinds, etc. But I am asked frequently around this time of year why I don't really care for rsd, and while I certainly have stock answers on hand, they usually come off as annoyed or negative, rather than thoughtful and well reasoned. So, short of going door to door & handing out tri-fold pamphlets, here's Ralphie's theme...

Why RSD Is Bad For Records & Record Stores by John Anderson

The "Record Store", as positioned in our culture in 2024, is (or was) a reflection of the mythical independents of the '90s & '00s, places that thrived outside both the interest in, or support from, the record industry. Truly independent stores that were usually small, primarily used, at times meeting places for music people, social hubs for weirdos, discovery zones & more. The reality was far more nuaced, but growing up in the record stores of my youth, I eventually sorted out the differences between chain stores, used shops, big label music, used selling/buying, etc, and the sense of REAL that permeated the independent shops of the world. The person/people behind these places were often big, weird personalities, but they were also the driving force behind what lay on the shelves. New horror soundtrack imports from Italy? Brand new garage rock from PNW hotspots? Skranky dub compilations for under ten bucks? Bootlegs? YES. All things that were specific to the shops, sometimes exclusive, but always reflective of what & who the place WAS. Recreating that to the best of my honest ability has always been my goal here. If its a new record in the racks or on the wall, its likely here because a) I love it, b) I own one too, and c) I'd like to share it with you. Short version: this store is a deeply personal statement. That has always been my focus and always shall be. In the words of the great Andrew Weatherall, "Music's not for everyone".

That's the mystical/romantic part. I have practical reasons as well!

1) As stated above, record stores (vinyl) thrived & grew to what we know now with ZERO interest from the record industry, when it was at its absolute $height$. As "record store culture" became more popular & increasingly commodified, the industry used rsd as a trojan horse to seize the means & the narrative back from the very people who kept it going while they - the industry - were gouging people on CDs & fumbling a cogent approach to digital music.

2) rsd stock is expensive, for us & you. Usually 25% more than your standard releases. Why? Good question.

3) rsd stock is unreturnable for shops. As a store, what you order, you're stuck with. Huge stores don't seem to mind, as you'll see bin after bin of rsd leftovers going back 5+ years, more in some cases.

4) The Disappointment Factor. When "one band fans" & newer collectors have been conditioned to seek out "the one thing", there's inevitable disappointment when smaller stores get tiny allocations of records people seem willing to fight over. That disappointment usually ends up directed at the people/place, meaning yours truly, something I want no part of.

5) Manufactured Scarcity. Undershooting demand by a few thousand units as a marketing strategy sounds fun to someone... not sure who though. Driving a rabid wave of buyers (say 500,000) into a physical marketplace that's more likely to NOT have what they want (say 10,000 copies)? Nope. Which leads to...

6) Unrealistic Manufacturing Capabililty. With seemingly every popular (read: really common) record of the last 50 years being repressed in 18 colors to satiate insane demand (a particularly impatient, Amazon era, "want it NOW" demand), not to mention the same approach to new LPs by many (Billie Eilish called this out recently), the industry is basically pretending this is the early '80s when massive, industry-wide manufacturing infrastructure meant they could turn big orders around in days rather than months. Trouble is, this isn't the '80s. The big industry titans dumped their pressing facilities & hardware at the dawn of the '90s. Now, demand greatly exceeds manufacturing capabilities, and while there have been new pressing plants opening (and thriving) in recent times, these aren't owned & operated by Warner or Universal: these are the indie operations that kept vinyl alive in the '90s & '00s, and now the big label business they can't turn down means slower turnaround for all the labels & artists that aren't major/indie property. AKA all the artists who ordered records from them for the previous 20+ years. Which leads too...

7) Astronomical Pricing. Yes, rsd pricing is "a quarter above the vig". Cost of doing business in that world, I guess. If it sounds like the mafia, it is, because rsd is 100% "big record industry" controlled in 2024, regardless of early intent. Unsurprisingly, the cost of new records across the board has seen an insane surge, with little mind paid to the audience, whether that be boomer age dudes who can afford $80 Neil Young records & $900 box sets, or high school/college kids, who are expected to drop $40 for a new LP. Regardless of the public face they put on it, the industry still sees "this", meaning records, as a trend that will at least partially fade off. Hence their lack of interest in committing to better & more sustainable pressing & manufacturing. No plants or presses, but the money will be fine for now, thanks.

8) Flipper Culture. I say this knowing full well there's no way to put this element back in the box, but your ebay/discogs flippers are the boogeyman that its easiest to put a face to. Not much nuance necessary, they just want as many copies of of whatever "hot" rsd release is fetching the most $$ online. We've all had to hit the secondary market to find some "limited" record we missed. Being forced to do it on rsd because 2000 dirtdicks who stood in a line all night & bought up 2/3 of the existing copies of the record by your daughter's favorite artist? At 10x list price? Oh, okay.

9) The Generally Punishing Nature Of Having To Stand In Line For Something You May Not Actually Get. If there's a group of folks out there who love standing in lines, I mean no offense, but come on now. I'd guess that most bands/artists probably aren't aware of what goes on around rsd, or I'd like to think they'd decline involvement, because who wants to punish their fans like that?

I could go on & on but... The record scene has changed a lot since I opened up, particularly in the last 7-8 years. For the better? I kinda doubt it, but we shall see... I've been carping out these warnings since 2011, and there isn't much I can do about it, aside from running my little shop in the manner I see fit. I don't begrudge anyone what they're into, and while my place is as personal as it gets, I don't take these weird record store times personally. I hope anyone who reads this understands that like my store, it comes from a place of love, with all the passion & care that encompasses. In the end, this should be fun... I've had some incredible discoveries, comraderies & experiences in records stores, and that I wish for everyone.

(link)

[mariondeux]

Hiii..!! Can I request, a nsfw stepcest with Ritsu and Wataru if possible lol

— SYNOPSIS ; You and your ex broke up, leaving you sulking in your room for a few weeks. Although, once you finally get over them and get ready to leave to go out on a date your stepbrother Wataru stops you.

CW ; NSFW, stepcest

WORD COUNT ; 530

PAIRING ; StepBrother!Wataru Hibiki x GN!Reader

A/N ; OMG my first dark content request! we shall celebrate tonight. ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING FOR WATARU.. I love him so much 🙏 I hope it’s not too obvious that favoritism played a part in this based on the word count 😭

“You can't go on that date!”

Wataru was staring at you with wide eyes and grabbing onto the hem of your clothes as you turned away from the doorknob.

“Wata..ru?” What was he doing? Shouldn’t he be at least supportive that you were finally getting over your ex and going out on another date? This was unlike him at all.

Wataru released his hold on your clothing only to seize your arm and turn your entire body around so that he could press you against his chest. While his other arm was encircling your waist, his hand cupped your head.

“I can’t let you go on that date, (name). Not when you’re already so close to me,” He muttered.

Wataru used your real name for the first time in that sentence. It seemed so foreigncoming from him because you were so used to his calling you by your nickname. 

Before you knew it, he had cupped your face and brought you closer together. 

You were unaware of his feelings for you. He has treated you equally with everyone else ever since his family intermarried with yours. Although you would have never admitted it, you had feelings for Wataru, your stepbrother. Only after that did you repress them since it was simply wrong.

When you finally leaned back into the kiss, his pressure against your cheek increased as his thumb continued to trace your cheek. He was terrified that this one small act would sever the bond you two shared, but what about the way you reciprocated by being just as greedy as he was? 

As he brought you both to his room, Wataru grabbed you off your feet and had you wrap your legs around him. He dropped you down onto his bed and locked the door, returning back to you to place both of his arms either side of you.

“This means you feel the same way, right?”

You lifted your head to give him another peck on his lips, “Of course I do.”

Being at home alone and having your step brother as the only other person meant that you two could be as loud as you wanted. You two took that literally.

Wataru had your legs slung over his shoulders as he thrusted his cock deep inside of you. Instead of moving at a leisurely pace, he was groaning and fucking you like his life depended on it. Your fingers were buried in the covers as he desperately fucked you, and your mouth was hanging open.

“I love you, I love you, I love you—“ Wataru repeated like a mantra as his head hung low, his grip on your waist tightening as he adjusted just a bit to find the right spot in you to get you to completely break.

You were unable to speak at all due to the constant stream of sounds that were coming from your mouth. You were being so thoroughly fucked that you hardly even noticed what he was saying. 

You were first aware of how bad he had it for you because of his behavior and the way he treated you. How long did he feel this way about you?

— SYNOPSIS ; You wake up to Ritsu at the foot of your bed, asking to sleep next to you.

CW ; NSFW, stepcest, sleepy sex(?)

WORD COUNT ; 453

PAIRING ; StepBrother!Ritsu Sakuma x GN!Reader

A/N ; I kinda popped off on the entirety of the request tbh!!

“Can I sleep with you?” 

You forced yourself to blink and then raised your hand to massage your eyes. When you finally realized who was standing at the foot of your bed, you halted.

“Ritsu? Aren’t you usually awake at this time?”

He nodded and climbed into bed with you before you could answer his first request. Ritsu had been acting clingy; during the day, you typically found him dozing off nearby. You didn't give it much thought at the time; you simply went about your business and allowed him to sleep peacefully. 

However, based on your memory, you don't believe Ritsu ever woke you up in the middle of the night to share a bed with you.

“Did something happen?” You couldn’t help but press on, you were genuinely curious as to why your stepbrother was here. To make room for him to lay down, you moved a little bit more into your bed.

Ritsu shook his head, “No, just felt like coming over here,” He moved his body toward you rather than remaining in his unsaid space. Your back would meet the wall if you backed up any further. Why was he getting closer? 

“Ritsu?”

“(name).”

His face was only a few inches from yours as he laid directly next to you. His breath stroked directly up your lips, and you pursed your lips.

“What are you doing?”

Ritsu’s lips lightly touched yours, “What do you think?”

He then pressed his lips on yours while closing his eyes. His hand moved up your shirt, caressing your sides and tilting his head a bit to kiss you deeper. He eventually came over to hover over you while the two of you gradually undressed like it was nothing out of the ordinary. It was all in the moment, the way he rubbed his hands all over your body and trailed kisses down your body.

You two exchanged low grunts as Ritsu's cock gently entered and left you. Since all the two of you wanted at this point was to savor the shared experience, he kept things slow yet seductive. Additionally, neither of you two wanted to be too loud and get seen. Especially when you’re having sex with your stepbrother.

Ritsu sucked at your skin, leaving love bites all over you. His free hand made its way down and hovered over your crotch area. His fingers began rubbing and stimulating more pleasure for you, causing your back to arch and lift off the bed by just a bit.

You slapped your hand over your mouth to cover any moans you might be producing as you closed your eyes. Ritsu grinned and reached out to peck your hand where your lips ought to be.

[no-where-new-hero]

Any thoughts on the Victorian pearl-clutching “bull is a bad word because it’s too sexual, even when you are literally just describing the male bovine that chased you” scene in Emily Of New Moon?

I was gonna write a meta on the repression going on with Valancy referencing this but I realized I don’t have the full context of that and I thought you might have some ideas.

It’s always a good day when someone asks me to talk about Emily!

Ok so tbh when I first read this (aged 11) I didn’t realize it was supposed to have a sexual connotation—I thought it was connected to “bullshit” and that’s what Aunt Elizabeth was angry about lol. And even later I was so perplexed by how just a large angry bovine creature should be taboo that I guess I never really dwelt on it.

HOWEVER I currently have two thoughts: first, I think what makes Emily feel so very subversive is the fact that LMM was subtly interweaving her contemporary 20s mores into the turn of the century, about 20 years earlier. I was actually just reading a book about the post-WWI social changes in the US, and it mentioned that the increasing popularity of Sigmund Freud’s teachings meant that people were talking about sex a lot more openly than before. So on the one hand, LMM could write a scene like that and people wouldn’t think she’s crossing a line. They could even laugh in their sleeves a little at backward Aunt Elizabeth being so repressive.

I don’t remember whether LMM was a reader of Freud (I wish I had her diaries on hand because I feel as though she would have mentioned something like that) but even if not, the existence of the bull in the story at all is symbolically important, which is my second thought. The bull comes up 3 times: first is Emily and Ilse running away from it and then being scolded by Aunt Elizabeth for talking about it. It reads as a cautionary tale against adolescent sexuality, reinforced later by Emily (at the end of the letter) reiterating how her father remains “her dearest friend.” She is still childlike here. The second time it comes up is when Perry meets Emily by saving her from it. This episode forces Emily to confront Perry’s attractiveness and she also notes his difference from Teddy’s “subtle charm.” She’s starting to recognize crush-like feelings and performs the damsel role to Perry (who also responds to Emily’s physicality and, we can glean, lowkey falls in love with her there and then). The bull is also connected to the well in the field about which, in the end, Emily has her vision about Ilse’s mother. Beatrice Burnley’s story is one of transgression: even when her virtue is cleared, she has still “trespassed.” Emily is also a trespasser in this moment of exploring, with the bull representing the destructive sexual prejudices that retroactive harmed Beatrice.

(Sorry not to be on my english major bull(shit) again).

But yes I definitely see the way that the Stirlings treat Valancy as absolutely parallel to the way Aunt Elizabeth treats Emily, and I am very interested to see your meta about how that works in TBC! While writing out this whole reply I realized I actually have a lot to say about sexuality in Emily so perhaps I shall write another post of my own 😅

[isalisewrites]

Shall I Stay - Harry Potter/Newt Scamander

SUMMARY:

Being trampled by a raging hippogriff was surely a kinder fate than Newt Scamander’s current predicament.

And he would know, having been kicked by one on more than one occasion.

---

One accident. That was all it took to upend Newt Scamander's life into the unknown. Confused and unsettled, Newt is put into the care of a complete stranger with black hair, bespectacled green eyes, and a lightning bolt scar.

Meanwhile, Harry struggles through his guilt - nothing could make up for his terrible mistake. It’s all my fault. Taking the man in was the least Harry could do, but it hurt so much, knowing that he was the reason for Mr. Scamander’s current predicament.

And Newt being exceptionally handsome isn’t helping either!

---

CHAPTER SIX EXCERPT:

The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore. Man or Monster? The TRUTH about Newt Scamander. Harry Potter - Chosen One or War Criminal? All three of them were written by a woman named Rita Skeeter, the same woman who’d written that terrible article in the paper this morning. Newt picked up the biography of Harry. Even knowing that it would be utter rubbish, he couldn’t help but feel sorely tempted to look at these.

“Oh, you found it.”

Newt startled, looking up. Harry grinned. Embarrassed, Newt’s face flushed with guilt.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” said Newt, hurrying to put the book back onto the shelf. “I was just focused. I, uh—I have a question… Am I correct to assume that Dumbledore has died?”

Harry looked away. “Yeah, um…” There was a pause; he swallowed. “Yeah. Back during the war… you know.”

Newt nodded. A gentle quiet fell between them. He’d thought as much, based on the way Harry had spoken about the man. But now, with confirmation, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

On the one hand, Albus Dumbledore had meant a great deal to him. Newt had loved the man like a mentor, even a father figure. On the other hand, Dumbledore had been part of the negative influence over Harry’s life. Newt needed to know more, so he wouldn’t draw the wrong conclusions.

His feelings on the matter were muddled.

“I’m sorry,” said Newt softly. “How did he… if you don’t mind?”

“He was killed,” whispered Harry, still not meeting his eyes. “The whole thing is rather complicated, actually. I…” Harry grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’d rather not—I don’t really like to talk about it. Another time, maybe…”

“Of course, no, I’m sorry,” said Newt. He pointed to the spine of The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, hoping to redirect the subject. “You and George said that this biography of Dumbledore was rubbish. Did anyone ever write one that was more accurate?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“That’s too bad. I might’ve liked to read it.”

Harry gave him a grin. “You should write one.”

“I couldn’t!” cried Newt, balking at the idea. “I’m not a writer.”

Harry’s brow furrowed as he gave him an incredulous look. “You’ve literally published dozens upon dozens of books. Of course you’re a writer.”

“Textbooks,” said Newt firmly. “I’m not an author. I’m a magizoologist—a scientist. I observe, I research, do countless tests over and over again, write down my discoveries - all so I can educate others.”

Harry’s grin never faded, his teasing tone increasing. “And that’s what a biography would be, wouldn’t it? You’d do the research and write down what you learned for the benefit of the wizarding world.”

Newt reeled at the thought; his head ducked down. “I couldn’t—that’s different. That involves talking to people.” He repressed a shudder at the thought. “And my research has always involved getting far, far away from people.”

Harry threw back his head and laughed. “All right,” he said, still smiling, putting up his hands. “I’m just teasing you. Someone really should write it, though, and I stand by my high opinion of your ability to do a proper job of it.”

Newt’s cheeks warmed.

[maries-gallery]

all the ways to say I love you event

Hi everyone! 

It’s been a long time and I just noticed that we’ve reached over 2,5k lovely people on this page. And honestly I don’t really have the words. I mean this started with just me thirsting over fictional characters and now we could fill a whole room with all of us! That’s more people than my whole school can count. 

And I am so so grateful for all of you, you’ve made me believe in myself more times than I can count and I’ve met so many amazing people on here... 

But anyways! Let’s dig into this event’s rules and theme. 

rules: 

chose one or two prompts from the one bellow along with one character

you can send an ask on or off anon, I don’t mind, whatever you’re comfy with 

smut prompts are for 18+ and only 18+ 

you can send in up to three requests 

specify whether you want your request to be sfw (fluff or angst) or nsfw

fandoms and characters:

ikevamp: 

All except for Sebastian, Dazai and the evil trio 

ikerev:

All except for Seth, Loki, Mouse, the twins, Blanc and Zero

ikepri:

Chevalier

Yves

Leon

Licht

Rio

Clavis

Nokto

some quote prompts are not my own and taken from Jane Austen novels (or slightly modified)

prompts: 

sfw single word prompts: 

Ball

Tea party

Picnic

Secret midnight date

Love confession

Unrequited love

Library

sfw quote prompts:

“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”

“The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone.”

“Then I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed.”

“Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another.”

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

“I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.”

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. I have loved none but you.”

“If I could but know your heart, everything would become easy.”

“Yes, I found myself, by insensible degrees, sincerely fond of you; and the happiest hours of my life were what I spent with you.”

“My real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me.”

“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

“My heart is and always will be yours.”

“Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing; but I have never been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall.”

“Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever.”

“Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you.”

“I just feel safe with you. Like nothing bad can happen.”

“I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”

“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

“You’re cute when you’re half asleep like that...”

“Don’t give me space, that is the last thing I desire from you.”

“You are making me think that what they said about you is right.”

nsfw single word prompts: 

Public sex 

Oral sex 

Breeding kink

Bondage 

Impact play

Marking

Dirty talk (might contain some french words if the character is french)

Praise kink

Degradation

Cock warming

nsfw quote prompts: 

“Interrupt me one more time and bear the consequences.”

“Could he make you feel as good as I do?”

“You’re not wearing anything under that, are you?”

“I could just pull your panties to the side. No one will notice.”

“I’m sure we can put those lips to better use”

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you forget your own name.” 

“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d have my head between your legs.”

“You don’t like my teasing? Your moans are telling me a whole other story.” 

“Use your words.”

“You can take it.”

“You take me so well.”

taglist: @randonauticrap​ @aquagirl1978​ @heyy-its-j​ @violettduchess​ @ikemen-writer​ @kissmetwicekissmedeadly​ @xxsycamore​ @mcofthemansion​ 

[emphasisonthehomo]

#i could write essays about the things he's got a weird boner for

please do

THE PEOPLE HAVE ASKED, AND THEY SHALL RECEIVE

About this post.

So here's the thing about Steve. He's kind of a mess.

Growing up, he didn't have the most demonstrative parents. John and Doris were not the "I love you, son" type of people. Steve had a complicated and kinda bad relationship with his father, and that was never really resolved before John was murdered. In the current context of Where Waters Do Not Curve, he believes Doris to be dead. His mom's been dead for years, he's fucked up about it. (And then in canon when she pulls the SUPRISE! I'M ALIVE! card, she's kind of a bitch about it.)

And then Steve goes off and joins the navy, which is a whole other level of weird toxic masculinity and repressed bullshit.

So you have an emotionally constipated (closeted) guy, who isn't comfortable with vulnerability. Words are difficult for him, especially when it comes to things like emotional intimacy. It's basically the perfect algebra for "actions/acts of service as a love language." Steve's not good at saying things, so he tries to show them instead.

This, combined with the fact that Steve's definitely some form of touch starved, and has never really had any sort of positive long term emotional stability in his life, mean he CLINGS to little signs of domesticity.

And then when he and Danny get together, he's suddenly presented with all of these small opportunities to be casually intimate. And Danny's not a PDA kind of guy, in many ways Steve isn't either, but now that he can he really wants to. Now, some of these are yes literal boners, but some of them are also like the - metaphorical boner. Heart boner. He yearns for it.

Steve wants to kiss Danny hello, he wants to hold hands, he wants be able to sling his arm around Danny's shoulders and tuck him close and press a kiss to his temple. He likes knowing inconsequential things about Danny, and gets fuzzy feelings about the fact that Danny knows inconsequential things about him.

Just the ooiest and gooiest of behavior. Steve's never really openly dated someone before, he's never had the opportunity to be gross about it. In the past he'd been a friends w/ bennies kind of guy.

Now? Now he can put his hand on Danny's thigh while they drive, and Danny will reach down and cover Steve's hand with his own, maybe stroke his thumb across Steve's knuckles a little bit. And it's casual, it's not meant to start anything. But something about it still kinda gets Steve chubbed up in his pants. Because Danny's touching him like this, Danny wants to touch him like this, and wants to be touched in return.

And then Danny will smile at him and call him a "dumb shit jarhead" for running into traffic after a suspect or something, and Steve will reply "that's the marines" and Danny will scoff and say "WHATEVER" and they'll bicker about something stupid and it's comfortable and calm and Steve genuinely can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.

SO ANYWAYS here's a (non exhaustive) list of things Steve's got a weird boner about:

Danny's grumpy "it's too early to be up what is wrong with you?" face.

This is closely related to the boner about fact they both know what each other's bed head looks like.

Danny absolutely Will Not get up and go swimming in the morning, but he'll still be up and out of bed when Steve returns most days, puttering around the kitchen and making coffee.

The little texts Danny sends him, especially when its a day Danny doesn't stay the night. Steve gets a "good morning :)" text and swoons a little bit.

HAND. HOLDING.

Steve doesn't even spend the night at Danny's apartment very often, because it sucks and the bed is crazy uncomfortable, but Danny still bought him an extra tooth brush. Just whatever little sign that Danny's making room in his life for Steve.

The way Danny is the perfect height for Steve to get an arm around his shoulders and tug him close. And then Danny lets Steve do exactly that.

A chaste kiss hello or goodbye. The more casual the better. Danny drops a kiss to the side of Steve's mouth with a 'hay' like it's a habit he's done 1,000 times and intends to do 10,000 more.

When Danny talks about his weekends with Grace like it's a foregone conclusion that Steve will be present for it. Of course Steve will be there. Where else would he be?

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 15. Frosty Glass

Pairing: Gruber x Fem!OC

POV: First, OC

Setting: Small village in the English countryside

Continuation of: 14. Icy Roads

A/N: So yesterday Anna-Louise and Hans met for the first time, both seemingly instantly connecting on some other level. So, let’s see what happens today between plastic santas and a sassy old lady, shall we? 🥰💚

+A/N: AND IT'S ANOTHER BLOODY LONG ONE - WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?! 😭👍 I was hoping to have everything written for the prompts up until nr.19 today since my dad is coming over to celebrate Christmas this weekend but here I am, just having finished this one... I am terrible at containing myself and it's biting me in the ass right now 😂

Tags/TW’s: Dysfunctional Family, Self-worth Struggle, Repressed Emotions, Abandonment Issues, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Fluffy Feels, Finding One’s Courage

Word Count: 4.7k+

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

“Lulu! There’s no cookies!” dad shouted from the kitchen while I tried to dress the tree and keep sis’s blasted cat out of it simultaneously. Ferdinand was a menace on his best days, Christmas always turned into a blood bath, my hands and arms scratched up from chasing him out of the tree, out of the curtains, away from the presents — it was never-ending.

“Coming!” “Get the minty ones!” he shouted while I tried to hang the tinsel without Ferdinand getting the other end of it. “Sure thing, dad!” “Not those peppermint ones! The minty ones! The green ones!” “Oh my god,” I sighed under my breath. “Yes, dad! I KNOW!” “Oy! Don’t you take that tone with me, lassie!” “Why can’t you go your bloody self for once?” I muttered under my breath while stepping down from the stool.

Mum would have liked this tree, I thought with a smile of relief and pride. “Quite gorgeous if I do say so-, FERDINAND! NO!” The cat was already halfway up the tree, swatting at the tinsel before I could grab him. The cat shrieked and hissed, sinking their claws into my hands repeatedly. “Bloody hell, stupid cat!” Ugh, it’s not your fault but sod off, kitty!

I sat him down on the couch, knowing full well the second I’d leave the room he would be right back up in the tree. “Feral thing,” I hissed and he looked at me with those big eyes that I just couldn’t stay mad at even if my hands stung and were spotted with tiny droplets of blood from his sharp claws.

I washed my hands and grabbed my coat, hearing Ferdinand in the tree before I went out the door just as sis called my name in that tone that could only ever mean she wanted something from me. I didn’t stick around to find out what.

The afternoon was clear and bright despite the clouds hanging low in the sky. The wind had died down at lunch and it hadn’t snowed since last night. So, truthfully, it wasn’t so bad to be out of the house — even if it were on yet another errand for someone else who was too lazy to go themselves. Doesn’t matter, the weather is good, there’s not much people and there’s salt and gravel on the sidewalk so no slipping about today.

I didn’t dare think more of it as Hans had been on my mind nearly constantly since I had basically bolted away from him. Not even affording the man a chance to say goodbye as the conversation had hit too close to home when he asked such a direct question about my own perception of myself, my value. Are all Germans so direct and blunt?

I opened the door to the little café on the main street of the little village I was forced to call home and stomped off the snow from my boots. The space was decorated to the nines with all things tasteless. From the askew garlands to the tacky plastic Santas and elves dotting the surfaces of the room. Just like every year, it gets progressively worse.

“Oh, Anna-Louise!” I turned only to smile kindly at the little lady with a hunched back and a fat little dog by her feet. She was a sweet thing, hard of hearing and brutally honest but kind, to me at least. “Martha, how lovely to see you,” I said while she stepped up with short, slow steps to me. “Oh, don’t be daft, nobody likes me,” she said but I laughed for I actually did — even if she scared the children and swatted at peoples’ legs with her cane when they were in her way. She had taken care of me when nobody else did. When the house was empty and I was all alone at too young of an age she’d dragged me to her house and stuffed me with the saltiest treats and teeth-breaking cookies burned to a crisp.

“Now, when are you leaving?” she asked, peering up at me without being able to straighten her back, her hat askew and her teeth anywhere but in her mouth, as usual. Nothing changes here. “Martha, please,” I said with a smile as I bent down to scratch the fat dog under its chin — mostly to alleviate the strain on Martha’s neck from having to look up at me though. “You know I’m not leaving, I have nowhere to go, and nobody who cares.” “Humph, that’s hogwash and you know it, lassie! Your mum would have been pissed like a babe eating a sour lemon to see you stay around here with that brain of yours. You should be out there, exploring the world,” Martha said and began to throw around her cane to indicate the great big world.

“You know I can’t—” “That cane will cause harm eventually, waving it about in such a way, lady.” My body stiffened, my hand stopped scratching the dog as the dark German accent interrupted my sentence and Martha slammed down her cane by my foot with a loud thud. Hans…

I rose as quickly as I could. “Hans?” I asked while turning around and there he stood, all well-dressed and straight-backed. “Anna-Louise,” he said with a short nod and a warm smile. “Now here we have a fine man!” Martha exclaimed and I blanched for a second before whipping my head around. “Martha, you can’t say things like that!” I hissed, feeling my entire face burn. “What? Nobody ever uses that pretty name of yours anymore, always saying Lulu this and Lulu that. And look at him,” she kept going while pointing with her crocked finger blemished from old age, “he’s right off handsome, dressing as the men used to when I was a lassie.” “Martha, shush,” I tried with to silence her but Hans merely chuckled behind me. “Why, thank you, most kind of you, my lady,” he said in a charming manner that somehow felt quite false to me. He didn’t sound like that yesterday.

But Martha gobbled up the words with a chuckle before moving closer to the German man who'd saved my life yesterday while I was at a loss for what to do with the old lady and her daft behaviour. “You know my Anna-Louise?” she asked. “She’s yours?” he asked in return. “Well, her sleaze of a father ain’t much to hang in the tree, her good-for-nothing sister nothing but trouble and her mother—” “MARTHA. That’s enough,” I interrupted and the old lady tutted at me.

“Anywho, she’s my responsibility, so who are you?” “Hans Gruber, at your service, my lady.” He clicked his heels and bowed ever so slightly and still I felt as if it wasn’t quite him, yet he was bloody charming with his wide smile and friendly manner. There was just something wrong with it.

“German, eh? Love Germany, went with my husband back in the day, before the whole war thing, of course. Bloody waste of—” “Martha, for god’s sake, stop,” I sighed as the lady was about to set off on her usual campaign about how war was worthless, how her family raised bunnies to eat, how her husband was taken by it and all that stuff — stuff everyone already knew, agreed about or felt the same way about. There was absolutely no bloody reason to bring up world war two in the little café with its twinkling lights and the delicious smell of freshly baked treats.

Hans seemed unaffected though. “Shall I hold the door for you, my lady?” he asked with a wink in my direction and my shoulders slumped. Martha seemed delighted at the chivalry so uncommon in the poor village with too many dodgy people loitering about. “A gentleman, that’s proper behaviour!” Martha said and smiled her toothless grin up at him before moving towards the door that Hans opened for her. “Bye Martha! Remember to put your teeth in before you eat!” I called, a bit too loud perhaps, but the old lady really had bad hearing. She just waved me off though, too busy getting her wobbling dog out the door while looking at Hans.

I took the chance to get to the counter. But I had barely found the right minty cookies before Hans appeared next to me. “Lively lady,” he said with a chuckle and I smiled up at him in apology. “She’s quite the rascal, really, but she’s sweet. Just need to watch out for the cane, and have lots of patience, but she’s not bad,” I said before clamping my mouth shut. “I can imagine,” Hans simply said with a much warmer smile, a genuine feel to him now.

“Here for the treats?” I asked while turning back to see if there were any blueberry muffins left even if I couldn’t afford them. “Ah, no, actually,” he said and I glanced up at him. “You do know this is a café, right? Treats are kinda what they do here.” “Well, yes,” he chuckled, “but I saw you through the window, schnuki.” “Oh,” I said, not knowing what to make of it but feeling the strangest of giddy feelings at the way he looked a bit nervous.

“But, now that I am here, what do you recommend?” “Hmm, well, that depends on what you like. They have a lot of good stuff and the owner is really nice too, he bakes amazing bread too. The coffee is fresh as well, if you like coffee. I’m quite dependent on it,” I smiled while blabbering on. Unable to stop. Feeling as if there were butterflies in my stomach when he stood so close and offered me his full attention. “What are you having?” “Oh, nothing, I’m just getting some cookies for my dad, he ran out.” “So, out on another errand for someone else again?” I laughed nervously at that before biting my lip and turning away, not wanting to show that he’d hit the nail on the head once more.

“Why not get something while you are here? Tell me what you want the most?” “We aren’t all Oxford owners, you know.” “Oxford owners?” he asked, and my shoulders crept towards my ears — embarrassed about the muttering tone of my voice. “We can’t all afford treats,” I clarified in a low voice. “Schnuki,” he said and stepped a little closer, “I can afford to treat you. So, what do you want to have?”

I looked up at him, seeing him so close had my heart in a revolt of the warmest kind. “You really don’t—” “I can afford Oxfords,” he said matter-of-factly, putting an end to the debate. “Blueberry muffin,” I said, almost stunned at my own words -- short and to the point for once. There was no need to blabber much more as Hans actually listened to me, it felt a bit strange, honestly. “That’s your preference?” “My favourite.” “Well then, let’s get one each and some coffee.” I nodded at him, not knowing what to do when he was so kind, and giving. I wasn’t used to it. Everyone in the village had to hold on tight to their money, some more than others and my family was definitely part of that group. Or, I was at least, dad doing whatever he wished and my sis getting her way most of the time — with him or boys in general.

≪⁕≫

Hans hummed as he took the first bite of his muffin. “It’s good, right?” I asked with a small smile while tugging off my gloves to take my own muffin. “Really deli—” His eyes widened as I reached for my muffin and before I knew it my hands were in his. “What happened to your hands?” he asked while the warmth of his skin spread across my chilly hands with a wave of warmth rising within me. I couldn’t get my brain to even think a thought when he touched me, skin on skin.

“Schnuki? What happened? Why are you harmed?” I shook my head, blinking away the daze. “Oh, Ferdinand swatted at me, I’m fine though. He’s just—” “He? Who? Who is Ferdinand?” he gritted out, his blue eyes harsh. “Oh, my sis’s cat, he’s such a rascal because she never tamed him properly and I was doing the tree and he was trying to get the tinsel and climb it so I had to grab him and-, sorry, I’m blabbering… But I’m fine,” I said with a nervous smile as my hands kept tingling while he held them.

“Your hands should never look like this. Why did your sister not deal with her beast?” “Hans,” I laughed while he inspected my hands anew, “he’s no beast, he’s just a bit of a feral kitty.” “Still, this looks painful.” “I’m used to—” “This happens often?” “Well, yeah, I have to deal with him since sis doesn’t. She just thought he looked cute as a baby kitten, and dad hates Ferdinand, but he’s obsessed with making my sis happy so the cat would die if I didn’t care for it as much as possible. He doesn’t like me very much though, he’s a cat so he doesn’t understand who cleans his litterbox and makes sure there’s cat food and treats and clean water every day and all that. And he hates it when I bathe him, that’s a bloody war each time but he has sensitive skin so he needs baths with a special shampoo and-, oh, I’m blabbering again, I’m so sorry, I talk too much, all the time,” I said and finally managed to shut my mouth while my nerves were tied up in knots.

Through it all Hans still held my hands, his eyes apparently never leaving my face while my eyes bounced all over. He was too handsome and when he gave me his undivided attention I could barely hold myself together. So much in me was ready to burst out but he was a stranger I’d only met twice.

“Your family sounds quite terrible, quite selfish,” he said quietly and I laughed nervously, his words being too accurate. Again. “It’s not a laughing matter, why do you let them treat you this way?” “What else am I supposed to do? They’re my family,” I said and he finally (regrettably) released my hands while leaning back, looking at me intently. “Leave? You’re an adult.” “Yeah but I don’t have anyone and I can’t just leave, where am I supposed to go? I’ve never been further than London.” “You don’t need anyone, schnuki. You’re capable and more than able to stand on your own two feet.”

I glanced at him while wrapping my hands around the coffee cup, seeping up the warmth it offered my cold palms. “You don’t know me, Hans,” I whispered, feeling defeated when he had such faith in me. The last person who ever had faith in me was my mother and there was no faith to be had there anymore. “I don’t need to know you, it’s enough to look at you and talk with you a bit.” “Fine, be that as it may, I don’t want to be alone out there. The world is too big, too cruel and harsh. I’d break down in a puddle of anxiety. No, I’m better off here.” “Yet you’re not.” “I didn’t realise the muffin came with a therapy session,” I chuckled while I did my damnedest to restrain the tears wanting to well up. He was so genuine in his words, it just touched something within me — not to mention how he watched me, what it felt like to be near him and the strong sensation of care he radiated.

“I’ve offended you,” he said. “I’m sorry, schnuki.” “No, no you haven’t, I just-, it’s not so simple.” “What if I make it simple?”

I looked up at him, my muffin still untouched on the table and he had gotten comfortable in the booth. Something about the way he spoke those last words had my full attention. Something lingered in the air around him and it felt… honest.

“How would you do that?” I asked, leaning my elbows on the table to not crumble under his heavy gaze. He smiled slyly yet it was done in a comforting, alluring manner. The man had some unexplainable charm, not to mention he was easily the hottest man I had ever seen — not that I had ever been very attracted to anyone I’d ever met before. But his looks were so singular and it felt as if he held himself with a certain pride that had nothing to do with vanity. “Come with me,” he said, no faltering or humour in his voice while I blinked rapidly at him.

I burst out laughing, turning a few heads at the loud noise. “Oh yeah, let me just go with the stranger I met only yesterday, that’s a brilliant idea,” I laughed but he didn’t join in. He remained quiet, serious. “You’re joking, right?” “No.” “You’re being serious?” “Yes,” he nodded while his smile crept back for a second.

I leaned back, my mouth agape and my brain stunned. “You do know that’s like how to not get kidnapped one-o-one, do not go anywhere with strangers. Especially as a woman, and even more so when the stranger is a man.” “So that’s what we are, schnuki? Strangers? Just a man and a woman?” “Well, yes! We just met yesterday!” “Yet I’ve been unable to stop thinking about you.” And I you… This is madness!

My heart was running amok, my brain malfunctioning, and there was some idiotic part of me that simply wanted to say yes. Say ‘take me away from here and never stop looking at me like you are doing right now’ kind of thing that was wholly foolish and a thousand times idiotic.

“I don’t know you, Hans,” I said, even if there was some part of me that for whatever reason had faith in the man. That I wouldn’t come to harm, that I wouldn’t be abandoned again, or treated like some slave in my own home. Hans was… different. “And I don’t know you, Anna-Louise. Yet still, I feel as if I know who you are, what you are supposed to be.” “Nobody knows that,” I sighed, grabbing my coffee anew and drinking a large gulp despite the hot liquid burning my tongue.

“If nobody knows, then that includes you, no?” he asked while I sat the cup down. My eyes lingered on the blueberry muffin. “I guess, that’s almost fair to say. I don’t think anybody really knows who they are or what they are supposed to be.” “Then why not trust in someone else to see something more in oneself?”

I had no answer to that.

“Schnuki,” he said while his hand reached out and took mine gently, his thumb stroking over my knuckles softly. “Why do you call me that? What does it even mean?” I asked and looked up at him, his face soft while his eyes hooked mine. “I’m leaving at nine, taking the train north,” he said and avoided my questions entirely. “If you change your mind and decide you’d like to see the world with me, I’ll be waiting until the very last second, schnuki…”

He release my hand, stroked my jawline gently, and stood. My eyes followed his face all the way up while everything in my body screamed for me to take his hand and walk right out of the café by his side. That my life was going to walk right out with him and I’d never live another day as anything more than Lulu when I could be schnuki, whatever the hell that means. It can’t be worse than losing my name because it takes too much energy to say it, to be of so little value not even my name worth saying in its entirety… But he says it.

Hans walked around the edge of the table, pulling on his black gloves and adjusting the scarf around his neck while my body tensed. He was handsome, elegant, different and alluring in a way I’d never experienced before. “Schnuki,” he said and leaned forward, kissing my forehead gently. Yet, there was resolve and some touchable feeling of longing I couldn’t quite place seeping from his lips against my skin. “If we never met again, know that you are worth more than you think,” he said against my forehead and straightened to his full height.

The sound of the door closing jolted me. I turned to look out through the window, wanting to see him one last time only to find him standing there on the other side with a warm smile that was slightly blurry through the glass covered in frost. He just stood there, watching me for a long moment while my body appeared frozen in place, unable to run after him because of the fear yet unable to get my heart to understand that he wasn’t going to stay.

He took off his glove and drew the tip of his finger against the glass, melting the frost with his body heat while writing something. My eyes were too occupied with the view of his handsome face to fully register what he was doing though. And then he looked at me again, smiling softly with sincerity in those clear eyes. My heart pounded, my ribs hurt from the beating — or perhaps from the knowledge it held that my brain couldn’t comprehend.

One second he was there, and then he was gone. It took me a moment to realise I was staring out the window at absolutely nothing, then I bolted outside. “HANS!” I called over the sound of passing cars and laughing pedestrians. But he wasn’t there. My entire body slumped and a cold sense of dread crept in as I looked around the main street — all the shops and buildings engraved in my mind, every stone housing a memory I wished to forget or a feeling I never wished to experience again. All around me lay everything I had always wanted to escape from, yet had been tied to so fiercely I failed when the opportunity was given. Because I was afraid, taught to think of myself as something small and worthless to the world.

I hugged myself and turned only to catch my reflection in the frosty glass. My eyes had smiled yesterday when I looked in the mirror while brushing my teeth, because he had been on my mind. Now, they were back to their normal state, closed off and vacant. I drew a deep breath and tried to find it in me to turn around and go home.

‘Sweetie’ it said on the window. Where Hans had been writing with his finger, the word sweetie was left behind and I couldn’t understand why such a childishly cute nickname damn near hurt every fibre of my body. Yes, you do, you know, Anna-Louise. You know why it hurt. You bloody well know! I screamed at myself in my head while I grabbed at the fabric covering my chest.

I had been nothing but unwanted, found to be a blabbering nuisance that could never do enough or be enough. The only thing I ever did enough of was talking, but what point is there to talking when nobody ever listens? I talk all the time because-, because no matter what I say or how many times I say it nobody hears me anyway… Nobody listens. I could say I’d off myself and nobody would bat an eye, they wouldn’t have heard me…

I wiped at my cheeks, the tears coming even if I didn’t want them to. My throat closed up as my fingers touched the glass where his finger had been, my other hand covering my mouth to silence the crying I didn’t want to let out. It felt as if years upon years of suppressed hurt, caged anger and hidden fear were trying to crawl their way into the light. It was so easy to hide it away, pretend it wasn’t there when nobody ever cared to see, to listen, to remind me of the fact that I deserved more. That I didn’t deserve to feel like I always did, to hide away and blabber myself into oblivion in the hope that maybe someone would see me, hear me…

I withdrew my hand, wrapping it around my aching stomach while clamping down my hand even harder on my mouth as my tears rolled despite my wish for them to stay hidden while my legs began to tremble beneath me. Did mum feel like this when she left? Was I not enough even for her to-, to bring me with her… It was the thought I never allowed myself to think.

“It can’t end like this. I can’t end up like this. There-, there has to be more to life than-, than-, than this,” I whispered against my palm while the tears chilled my face in the icy English winter. I’ll go. I’ll go and I won’t look back no matter what happens. I can’t-, I can’t live like this. And I… A gasp escaped me as my eyes lingered on the word ‘sweetie’, I feel something significant for him. There’s more to him, us, than just… strangers. There’s more.

≪⁕≫

I ran. My bag thudded against my thigh. They didn’t even notice. They won’t notice until there’s nobody there to do it all. And I won’t! I won’t be there anymore for them!

I panted as the station came into view, the large clock at the entrance standing at 08.56 pm. My heart ached and fluttered, my legs were drained and stiff while the wind clawed at my cheeks. He’ll be there, he has to be there, I chanted over and over in my head to keep the tears at bay.

I was leaving. I wasn’t coming back. I was running away. Running towards something. Someone.

“Please, be, there,” I panted. My breath turned to fog and I slowed down, unable to breathe without a burning sensation erupting in my throat from the cold air being inhaled too swiftly. I slowed down, feeling the nerves erupt and the fear of the unknown tried to make me turn around. But I couldn’t. The thought of him, of Hans, waiting for me with that longing in his eyes that saw me. The man who was happy when I blabbered after having been so quiet at the beginning. ‘She speaks’ he had said with warmth and I could not imagine ever forgetting those words.

I walked through the station house, my naked hands red and raw from the cold while I grasped at the strap of the duffel bag. He’ll be there. He’ll be waiting. He’ll absolutely be there. Right..? “I’ve lost my mind. I’m leaving with a stranger who calls me sch-nuky,” and I can’t even say it right… What am I—

There he was. Waiting on the platform. His entire body tense and stiff. But he was waiting. He was there.

It felt as if I could breathe again. My shoulders sank and an involuntary smile stretched my lips wide at the sight of him. I remained utterly still for a moment as I took him in, took in the fact that he was waiting for me while the train lay idle in wait for its departure time.

“H-Hans,” I whispered, my voice shaking. There was no chance he could have heard me from so far away, yet he straightened and looked around. His eyes found me nearly instantly and his entire body softened. A smile of his own spread across those thin lips framed by his perfectly groomed beard.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t get my legs to take me to him. Stunned that it was all happening. Surprised at the absolute joy in my heart at seeing him again. Transfixed by the shift in his eyes as he looked me over, his gaze snagging on my bag for a second before he began walking towards me. My fingers squeezed the strap harder as he drew closer, my throat closing up.

“Schnuki,” he exhaled a step away from me and then I was in his arms. “You came,” he murmured, as if he struggled for words as well. My arms came around him and I buried my cold face in his chest and shoulder. “I did.” “Anna-Louise…” he exhaled and kissed the side of my head. “We’ll see the world together, my sweet treat,” he continued after that and I couldn’t imagine I would ever have found the courage to leave the misery behind if it weren’t for the stranger who I’d so foolishly swiftly fallen head over heels for.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

A/N: I love these two… Like, I love the way this is so held back yet obvious at the same time. They are so darn cute together and I can’t help but wonder how Anna-Louise would react to finding out who she’s actually left everything for… 😬 What do you think? Would they be able to get through that when they are so new to each other 🤔 I have no idea, maybe?

Either way, I hope you enjoyed this and that you found some delight in the cuteness 🙈🥰💚

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[Dec:2022]