#Vicious Circle Records

[senorboombastic]

This One Song… The Psychotic Monks on Crash

Tell you what – we love hearing from artists when things go right. We equally love hearing from artists when things go dreadfully wrong. A song that was a piece of piss, written in 20 minutes? Or years in the making and a bastard to write? Whether it’s a song that came together through great duress or one that was smashed out in a short amount of time, we’re getting the lowdown from some of our…

[fondfamilies]

thinking about how we fear being treated the worst ways we've treated others; thinking about reid being terrified of being sick & committed like his mum; thinking about 'admitting his mother' being the sin his brain gave him to confess to in 'revelations'

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

We've created a monster (Brothers x MC)

In which the brothers find out that they've created a human with zero self preservation or reasonable fear of demons.

This rattled around in my head all morning, I just had to write it. Is it good? Probably not, but it exists and I like it, so there ;P

Sort of implied polyamory, possessive and protective demons.

If by some miracle anyone likes this sort of longer, random fic, please let me know, I'd be happy to write more little scenarios like these.

Warnings: none

Since arriving in the Devildom, MC has moved within the same "social" circle. They talk to the brothers, Diavolo, Barbatos, and the other exchange students. They've had no real need to move outside of that up to now.

They're civil with other demons, but the interactions are extremely limited and always under the watchful eye of someone they know and trust.

Even Luke's presence would be enough to dissuade any demons from getting ideas around the human who does not have magic rolling off them in waves.

Most are aware of their pacts with the lords and steer clear.

But demons aren't exactly known for riskless behaviour.

On the one day out of hundreds MC walked to class alone, wanting to get ahead on something, a demon of envy singled them out in the broad hallway.

He's big, tall, though still has nothing on Beel, and snaps vicious sharp teeth at them as he backs them into a wall.

'Humans like you shouldn't prance around a demon's home unguarded, not flaunting all those pacts.'

MC recognises that look, and cocks their head curiously. 'Levi wears envy better, you ought to practise in the mirror a little more.'

He takes one gargantuan step forward, letting loose a roar that threatened to shake loose bricks out of the walls.

Still, MC didn't flinch, didn't even take their hands out of their pockets. 'Stop that, it's too early for that kinda noise.'

'I am going to KILL you!'

Snorting, MC finally bothered to lift one hand from their pocket, tugging gently at the bonds of their pacts to find the magic they wanted. It wouldn't be much, really.

'No. You're not.'

A flick of the wrist, a muttered word, and the demon felt his body become too heavy to move, almost too heavy to breathe. He commanded his limbs to carry him, demanded that his magic answer his call.

Neither obeyed. None but his eyes, who watched the infuriating waif tuck their hand back in their pocket and carry on with their day, walking around him like he was an inconveniently placed statue.

'You thought you could scare me? I live with Lucifer and Satan you dipstick.' MC huffed, glancing at their watch and hurrying away, lest they lose their head-start on the day.

Just out of sight, Asmodeus had recorded the entire ordeal, fully ready to step in and protect the human (or better yet, set Satan on the bastard), and instead, finding himself capturing a side of their little MC none had seen yet.

He sends the video into the brother's group chat, and immediately all of Devildom breaks loose. Lucifer demands the offender be sent to him for punishment, until Asmodeus reminds him that the bastard is still frozen in the hallway with a smug selfie.

Instead, the eldest pulls everyone from their classes, including MC and calls an emergency council meeting. He doesn't even wait for Diavolo to be in attendance, so urgent is his need to address this.

Mammon had found his way to MC's side and is glued to them like a protective hex, he'll go nowhere, and will not be told otherwise, Levi and Beel take turns hovering at their other side, the elder glowering like a gargoyle while the younger hooks a finger in the edge of MC's pocket and follows them around like a lost puppy.

MC does no more than go with the flow, as usual. They slide under Mammon's arm and teases him for turning red despite his focus on protecting them.

Once everyone is seated, MC finally asks the question.

'So, what's this about? Never thought I'd see you endorse us all missing class, Lucifer.'

'We're here to talk about the incident this morning, MC.' Lucifer began as calmly as possible. His blood still boils that anyone would dare try and harm his human simply because his back was turned. 'The envy demon, did he hurt you?'

'Oh, him? No, didn't even touch me. Is that why Satan looks ready to butcher someone?'

The avatar of Wrath is living up to his name, he's quietly glaring holes into the floor and no one dares interrupt him.

'You don't seem to realise how much danger you were just in, MC.' Lucifer broaches carefully, unwilling to trigger his own temper even though MC can clearly see it in his eyes. 'You dealt with it cleverly, but if that had been a smarter demon, one who struck without you knowing-'

MC pondered his point for a moment, rolling their bottom lip between their teeth. 'What would happen to a demon that killed me? Like the one today, if he had actually done something.'

A crash filled the room, Satan's magic lashing out, pushing him into his demon form as the very thought of anyone laying hands on what is clearly his sent him spiralling.

His brothers jump back, while MC, jumps in.

They're in front of him in seconds, big eyes speaking of kindness and love, and though the wrath still boils in his belly, his magic stops writhing for blood.

'Breathe, I'm right here.' MC reminds him, not daring to touch until she feels the pact bond settle. 'It's not going to happen, yeah?'

'It almost did, and you're not nearly as worried as you should be!' Belphegor snapped. 'You're human, anyone could-!'

'He was one idiot with a death wish, and he couldn't even lay hands on me when I was alone. Who the fuck do you think is going to go for me with you guys around?'

They have a point, that doesn't settle the unease in the room, and it shoes as Satan nuzzles into their hair, pressing his chest to their back.

He's the last one to show physical affection in front of anyone, let alone Lucifer, but the need to touch them outweighs his pride, clearly.

MC lets him cling on, and carries on the conversation without missing a beat, gently rubbing their thumb over the back of Satan's hand.

'But, you really weren't scared. Not even a little.' Beel uttered softly, big eyes shimmering with worry. 'He looked right at you and told you he'd kill you.'

'And? Most of you have said that to me at least once, hell, one of you succeeded.'

The youngest flinched, MC threw him a smile.

'Honestly, who in the demon King's name is gonna scare me, when you guys can't?'

Realisation dawned on them then, spending all their time with the 7 Lords of the Devildom had completely desensitised MC to demons.

If they could stare down Lucifer on a rampage, throw themselves between him and someone he means to kill, who the hell is supposed to be scarier than him?

Lucifer voices the point aloud, and Asmodeus breaks into laughter, soon followed by Leviathan.

'That is kinda funny.' Snorted the third-born. 'I think we broke MC.'

The twins soon join in, and MC felt Satan's chest tremble and he settled his chin atop their head, now free of his demon form.

'Guys, this ain't a good thing!' Mammon wailed. 'If MC ain't scared o' nothin', what's stoppin' 'em from just walkin' into Cerberus' mouth or somethin'?!'

'Uh...common sense?' MC added dryly. 'Not being afraid of dying doesn't make me want to die, dipstick.'

'Hey!'

'Which brings me to my next point, when did you learn to call on all our magic at once like that?' Lucifer swiftly interjected. 'Solomon said he's taught you nothing but basics.'

'I'm in school, you know? I don't get good grades for decoration. I knew it wasn't worth summoning any one of you so I just grabbed all the threads at once and squeezed.'

'Honey, you're telling us you had a demon threatening to kill you and just...winged it?' Asmo concluded.

The human merely shrugged. 'Pretty much.'

'...we've created a monster.'

Part 2

[kalifornia1025]

The Red Circle Pt. 1 (SPOILERS)

First part is up, let’s see what we’re dealing with!

Oof John’s already voicing his frustration over the tech issues; wonder how bad it could be

I both love and hate the sounds of John cleaning the mic, it sounds like he’s digging deep into my brain

Okay, we’re just at the end of a case?

Oh yeah, the mic is definitely bugging out

“My dear companion Doctor Watson” UGH HOW SWEET

What is happening?? WHAT IS GOING ON??

“This is going to be an 8 or 10 parter” OH REALLY John??

NONE OF THE ‘CASE’ RECORDED, that’s actually hilarious

“But was the best adventure yet” how great was it that it makes SHERLOCK say that??

Not them all reenacting the ‘case’ HAHA

Yeah John, Sherlock needs to get back to hanging upside down-WHAT

Oof Sherlock really said “you waffle so much that sometimes your random words help me solve the case” (he’s not wrong tho)

THEY DO MOVIE NIGHTS!!!

Awww Mariana’s meeting up with a friend from Hudson’s, how nice!

God, the irony of voice actors being bad at acting is incredible

Sherlock WOULD be the person asking questions during movies (and pointing out inconsistencies)

I love how you can still hear the ‘movie’ going on even when Sherlock & John are talking

This little exchange

John: “Door knock”

Sherlock: “Very observant”

John: “Is that sarcasm there?”

Sherlock: “Exceptionally observant”

John: “Well done”

Sherlock: “Thank you”

Ah!! Chipmunk voice jump scare!

Sherlock: “Is that right, John?”, John: “It’s right big guy” JOHN CALLED SHERLOCK BIG GUY

I feel John’s pain, I HATE having to explain movies to people

OH GOD NOT A REAL-HOUSEWIVES-ESQUE REALITY TV SHOW

“Good God, put the gangster film back on” SAME SHERLOCK

Awesome how Mariana and Imani are already fans of the reality show

“Why do women like that kind of stuff? It’s cruel, it’s vicious, destructive-KILL HIM, SHOOT HIM IN THE EYE”—I will never get tired of this ongoing joke with John starting a point and immediately contradicting it at the end

The ‘bullets through the bum and balls’ exchange shouldn’t be as hilarious as it is, yet here we are

Oooooh, so THIS is how we get the Red Circle case (hopefully it’ll make up for the ‘unrecorded case’)

THE MUSIC?! HELLO??

“The game is afoot” YES MARIANA WE GET TO HEAR YOU SAY IT

Oof John that mic is REALLY messed up

And that’s it for part 1! I was NOT expecting a hilarious start for this one. I can only imagine what ‘case’ we missed (lol), but Red Circle sounds interesting enough! Also, it’s cute hearing more domestic moments with the main trio. I mean they have MOVIE NIGHTS!! The fanfics were TRUE! Anyway, this is a fun start and it’s just the beginning of our 4-part adventure, so stay tuned….

[turbulentscrawl]

HELLOOO could we get ithaqua with a modern Reader too? :33

MWehehe

-Honestly, not the brightest idea for a modern S/O to try and get with his one. Modern social culture is very deep in the anti-toxicity (to the point that we circle back into it without realizing sometimes) and Ithaqua exhibits a lot of red-flag buzzwords. He’s the kind of person reddit would constantly tell you to divorce haha.

-He would be a bit torn over you, though. On one hand, you clearly lived emersed in “society” as a whole, which is what he was generally the most at odds with in life. (In a modern setting, Ithaqua would be an off-grid homesteader. He’s probably against having wifi at his home, even.) On the other hand…you’re a bit of an outcast in the survivor manor. He’s a little crazy, but not BLIND. He can see how people are nervous about you in the beginning, shun you and your magic box.

-He’s got no fucking clue what the magic box is either, but Ithaqua does not believe in magic, religion, or the paranormal. The people who dictate those things called his mother a witch, and himself a demon, and he knows in his heart that they were just two people living life in a way others didn’t like. Superstition is what got him dumped in the snow as a babe, so even if he’s confused as hell by your technology, he’s smart and reasonable enough to know it’s due to a lack of education on his part and not you being some otherworldly, incomprehensible thing.

-He’s likely drawn to you a bit from the above treatment you suffer. Maybe the others are more than willing to use you as bait, hesitant to rescue you, or fail to even explain to you how decoding works. Ithaqua will notice these things even in the middle of a hunt. He thinks you’re pitiful—until you’re not, and that makes you interesting. Ithaqua finds the remnants of whatever your modern-ness makes up your skills. Your phone tucked into a grassy corner, playing a recording of someone shuffling through a chest, maybe, and he picks it up curiously. And then, well, he has to return it to you. Unfortunately for you, he’s one of the faster hunters and this only delays him for a few seconds.

-Ithaqua starts to, frankly, bully you in matches. He’s less vicious with the damage done, and instead of chairing you off the bat, he takes a liking to carrying you around while he hunts your teammates. It doesn’t matter that you struggle free or self-heal sometimes, he can catch you again easily enough. He talks to you while he zips around after everyone, his usual giggles and sighs replaced with questions and commentary for you. You reach a point one day where you self-heal, but don’t bother running…and Ithaqua just grins like a shark and pats you on the head.

-Eventually he notices the others warming up to you better…and it makes him bitter. “They’re all hypocrites,” he tells you in a dark corner of the basement. “I treated you like everyone else from the start, didn’t I?” That’s his argument to endear himself to you. To coil you further around his (admittedly gentle, all things considered) finger. Yes, he hit you, hunted you, but that’s his job. The POINT, he says, is that he likes you and it’s not FAKE because he’s always seen you as an equal to the others. (To the survivors, not to himself, because the manor roles say you’re clearly not.)

-The POINT is that you shouldn’t fully trust the rest of them—they’ll turn on you again if they get spooked—but him? Ithaqua doesn’t get spooked. He gets…possessive. He likes you. He’ll be here, if you need him. And even if you don’t. He’ll take care of your troubles for you, sweet pet.

[nwarrior777]

The problem with fatfetish is not in it existing, but in not-exsisting of alternative positive image of fatness in media, and not-exsisting of range of narrative in depicting fatness as something sexy in kinky images.

It's like media have two options for fat characters: 1) background comic relief in mass media 2) fatfetish art in internet niche. with not much of smth else

Respectful representation of fatness is big important topic for it's own discussion, but focusing on kinky art - fatness presented as smth sexy there, but it's almost always one narrative (usually food related)

And, i think, if we would have more ways of depicting sexiness of fatness, especially in kinky art, and bring sexiness of fatness in mass media, it would be easier to accept for people, that having kink for big bellies & softness is same as kink for muscle body, 6 packs, bdsm or any other kinks which are people fine with (kinks is smth totally ok to have, for the record)

Like, there are """cringe""" art of muscle kink too, and people have a little laugh about it sometimes, but nobody says that loving muscles is bad or disgusting - yes, because of fatphobia, but why are people so fatphobic still? Because they are not used to see positive images of fatness around and taught from childhood, by media narrative too, that fatness = bad. And they see all the scenarios you can imagine of muscles or thinness being sexy around, in media all scales. It's chicken and egg situation - one thing boosting another: we don't have positive image of fat > people learn "fat = not normal, bad" thought > they don't even think about questioning it because all the world around them is keeping this rule > a lot of people becoming media industry workers, and > they keep media not-including fat characters, keeping status quo > new generation, repeat.

In result we have this vicious circle. And we can break it, by making more fatness inclusive media, and going back to kink talk - we need more ways of depicting fatness as something sexy: new narratives, new plots in films, new lyric in songs, new art aesthetics.

I mean, you can have great time daydreaming that food scenarios, but wouldn't it be also cool to see sexy fat characters in other roles? Imagine - Sexy Fantasy Fat character, who got so much power that their body has to be bigger to keep all that. People went all horny then Detroit Become Human released - imagine cool fat robots, so fragile and complicated in their core parts, that they need big fat parts made of smth soft to prevent damage if they fall. Or fat characters in art, in just usual hot images narratives, but they drawn in a way, which make their fatness looking like hot detail, or even hot focus of the art.

I know we have progress and there are more and more examples of that i say. It just still few. So, let's go work hard and make more

[dekarios]

OC in detail tag meme :3

i just found this searching for oc tag memes to do so i wasn't tagged by anyone lskfgfdgfd

doing this for afhiri, specially pre-bg3!!!!

[ PERSONAL]

Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / not applicable

Class: upper / middle / working / unsure

Education: has a degree / studying / unschooled

Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught / yes, but charges were dismissed

[ FAMILY ]

Children: had a child or children / wants children / doesn't want children

Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / vicious bastard / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / uncultured / in between

loyal / disloyal

faithful / unfaithful

[ BELIEFS ]

Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / other

Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naïve and clueless

Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naïve and clueless / romance suspicious

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naïve / inexperienced / curious

Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / t4t / none / all

Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / t4t / none / all

[ ABILITIES ]

Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic

Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker

Recreational Drugs: never / quit / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

Medicinal Drugs: never / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

tagging people who liked this post undercut !!! if you weren't tagged and you wanna do this consider yourself tagged by me :D !!

@aeducanthaig @roseeway @morgeth @feitanportor

@pawnguild @cuntservant @wormskul @frootabooga

@ikarons @heinrix @ellwyns @xanfeursel

@mt07131 @andrwminward @lestatlioncunt @lusus--naturae

@kibellah @fair-lead @elf-ranger @gothimp

@jerichoes @vanoefucks @ritualslaughter @full---ofstarlight

i tried to tag a decent amount of people as i havent seen anyone in my circle do this one so i wanna get it Out There hehe it was pretty fun !! :D

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi!

Revisiting TVL and coming across, naturally, some interesting quotes, as you do. I like this one from Lestat to Armand, after Armand tells Gabrielle and Lestat his story and Lestat says he doesn’t understand Armand:

“I’ve been a rebel always. You’ve been the slave of everything that ever claimed you.”

Wow. That’s part of Lestat’s initial assessment of Armand and imho it’s so true. And I see it in Asaad’s performance behind the trickery , the spells. Asaad captures that infinite battle of being a slave and being in control and when those two conflicting aspects of his personality come out, he usually chooses destruction to hang on to that little bit of self that gets him through his despair and loneliness causing him to question young Daniel “Am I not fascinating?” Such a plea from a child begging for affirmation.

Love your blog. Now back to TVL, wishing I could be at the writers’s table😀❤️

Lestat is the only one - until Daniel at least - who refused Armand's need to be dominated to cope, thereby trying to set him free.

It will need a long ass time after that assessment still till Armand does, but the point still stands.

And yes, he chooses destruction when he cannot align those contradicting impulses anymore, and I love how ultimately the destruction of his relationship with Daniel (the turning and subsequent falling apart of it) will finally lead him out of this vicious circle.

(And for the record, that "Am I not fascinating?" is utterly heartbreaking.)

And yessss, what wouldn't I give to be a fly on the wall of the writer's room now :))) *hugs*

[see-arcane]

A Magnus (Protocol) By Any Other Name…

…will be just as horrifying.

Well, it’s time for me to dust off the corkboard, unravel some fresh red yarn, and cook up some new incredibly wrong but passionate theories. First one is bouncing off some key points:

1) The Magnus Protocol’s logo is composed of certain alchemic symbols, chiefly a version of the sign involved with creating the Philosopher’s Stone; the catalyst for riches and the Elixir of Life’s gift of immortality.

Especially tasty to consider, what with the first episode introducing us to poor Red Canary who discovered the ruins of the Magnus Institute were host to some strange symbols of its own inside.

2) A fellow by the name of Saint Albertus Magnus was kicking around in the 1200s and, like that famous French scribe Nicolas Flamel, he got a hefty posthumous reputation for having been a great alchemist on top of being a philosopher and scientist.

What does this add up to? First, I want to look at identity possibilities when it comes to who the Magnus(es) in question might be here.

Theory A: Jonah Magnus was part of a lineage with an itch to chase the more-than-earthly and, naturally, immortality. If not a direct descendant, then a sibling or cousin line. Can’t say Albertus would be jumping to congratulate the bastard for his ‘success story.’

Theory B: With apologies to the actual Albertus, maybe Jonah is that original alchemic Magnus. Or at least he wore the guy once upon a time and kept the surname. Maybe he fudged the ye olde records some centuries back. Death records, life records, whether or not old Al ran into some unsavory character with unpleasant gray eyes…

Theory C: Circles a bit back to A, in that Jonah wasn’t the only one in his family tree poking around supernatural and supernal forces. Assuming Jonah existed as himself at all in this place. Someone or something else might have been running this world’s Magnus Institute before it was roasted. While the current assumption is that the cast of characters we knew in The Magnus Archives might exist within TMP’s universe as themselves, we don’t have all the pieces yet.

Fun stuff!

But oh. Oh boy. I am chewing apart the implications of the main logo and the ‘protocol’ like an excited dog. Specifically, the possible implications of the Philosopher’s Stone symbol visible in the logo not being this…

…but this.

The sign is inverted. Which shouldn’t mean much, right? All the other little symbols chilling in there are right side up, what’s the big deal?

The same kind of deal that we see in the difference between a pentacle, associated with magic and pagan faiths in various forms:

And a pentagram, associated point blank with outright devilish and demonic dabbling:

Or, if you’re up on your Tarot, you know that there’s a world of difference between getting your card right-side up (delivering on the image’s classic meaning) versus flipping it to see the picture inverted (the opposite of the original intent).

So what does that mean for the TMP’s symbol, the same stamp which we might assume the Office of Incident, Assessment and Response has on their workplace? My guess: This is the insignia of a force or founder who put the ‘protocol’ in The Magnus Protocol. A foundation based on actively opposing what they took to be forces of a classically alchemic and/or infernal nature rather than the cosmic horrors we know the Fears as.

The Enemy is using these powers to evil ends. The Enemy is made of monsters. The Enemy includes Jonah Magnus, the spoiled offshoot of Albertus Magnus. Our sign is the opposition to his and others’ vicious quest.

Or suchlike.

In the style of Gertrude Robinson, the original person or persons behind the Protocol and our main characters’ Office appears to have hit upon a ‘fight fire with fire’ reaction to the Fears. We see how Alice, a veteran employee of the Office, displays a strong insistence on categorizing its statements very, very loosely, and actively not prying into deeper research in the way a place wholly possessed by the Eye would encourage. She’s seen people go strange upon following the lure of weirdness; but she knows from experience that the Office can be worked in jovially enough, sans side effects. The implication being that Colin is sprinting down that rabbit hole, poor dude.

If the OIAR is of the Eye, it is also against the Eye. Against all Fears, even as it absorbs statements of their actions. Feeding its patron while also cutting back the portions by way of not being too careful about the filing or the tasty background research. If the Eye is present at all in the Office, then it is settling for granola bars versus Jonah Magnus’ offered banquets.

Which all comes back to the question of:

If Jonah Magnus founded the Institute here, who is responsible for the OIAR?

My pet favorite is the ‘one who got away’ as far as Jonah’s classic 19th century days went—one Dr. Jonathan Fanshawe who got an eyeful of a victim’s blinking innards and broke ties with Magnus like they were pretzel sticks. We never do find out what became of him afterward.

His last written words to Jonah ran:

Nothing stood in the way of my retreat, and I dragged Albrecht’s body back as far as the coach. We left that awful place, and I have endeavored most acutely to forget the route. Before he was buried, I was able to secure permission to do an autopsy. I had some thought as to discovering the cause of his sudden, violent passing. Do I need to tell you what I found, Jonah? Do I need to detail what covered his organs, his bones, the inside of his skin? What clustered together in their dozens, and all turned as one to focus on me as I opened his chest, their pupils constricting in the light, with irises of every hue and color? Because whatever it was that did this to him, I know in my heart that it is your fault. I have had the body burned. Please do not write to me again. Your obedient servant, Doctor Jonathan Fanshawe.

You can feel the polite antique ice on that goodbye. Just as we can read here, and glean from his full letter, that the whole experience surrounding poor Albrecht is one he actively wishes he could forget. To not examine. And, of course, there’s the baited hook of Jonathan Sims’ next lines after reading the letter aloud:

Statement ends. (sigh) Disconcerting to find my namesake in a statement, especially one connected so directly to the Institute. I can only hope breaking faith with Jonah Magnus didn’t go too badly for him.

I can’t think of a better ironic hell for the good doctor than to find himself the abrupt focus of the Eye all over again. Especially when the meat of the letter-statement involves this scene:

“I had them rebound last year,” he said. “Damp can do terrible things to a book.” I told him I was certain that that was the case, but I must insist we talk about his health. Again he ignored me. Instead, he took the seat opposite me and started to tell me a story. And then another. And another. A stream of strange tales began to pour out of him, and I just sat there, transfixed, desperately wishing I had the strength of will to leave, but all I could do was listen. He told me of a seamstress, who laced her body with fine black thread, and when she pulled it all out in a single swift motion, her skin dropped away like a loose shift. He told me of a man so scared to die he spent a year weaving a rope blindfolded, so he would not know the length, and could not foresee the moment it would tighten around his neck when he finally threw himself into the void. He told me of a fire that burns so hot and fierce that to even know about it is enough to burn a man’s tongue from his head. He told me so many terrible things.

And at the end of it all, the only thing I could think to ask him was where he read them. My eyes darted to the books that surrounded us, but Albrecht laughed at this, and placed his hands across a spine that was simply labeled ‘A Warning.’ For a moment, he looked as though he were about to wrench it from its place and hurl it into the fire. But it passed. He turned back to me. “You do not understand,” he said to me in German. “I do not read the books. They read me.”

Isn’t that something? A crossing of paths with the Eye that wasn’t just inflicting its Stare upon him through a victim or an avatar, but effectively pinning Dr. Fanshawe in the role of the unhappily avid audience, however briefly. Forced to absorb a litany of horrors as another Jonathan would so many years later. Good foundation for someone who, upon discovering the insidious supernatural Powers That Be were not about to leave him alone, would try his best to turn that force into something to use against the monsters. A habit among Archivists who’ve had Jonah Magnus inflicted on them.

Assuming it is Fanshawe at the roots here, the act of designing a symbol centered on inverting the Philosopher’s Stone sigil makes sense. Cosmic and eldritch horror wasn’t really on the table for that era. But the demonic and the arcane were. As were, we can assume, history books to do with famous old Albertus Magnus and his possible connection to Jonah ‘Wants to Be an Immortal All-Powerful Specialboy’ Magnus. Whether it’s Dr. Fanshawe behind the OIAR’s inception or not, having it be somebody from Jonah Magnus’ early days works out—they would assume the bogeymen at work were merely hellish, nothing broader.   

Plus, there’s just plain narrative convenience to consider. ‘19th century guy knows Magnus is up to shit with his Institute. Gets suspicious. Gets avatar’d against his will. Gets proactive about it. Named Jonathan, good for a bait-and-switch down the line.’

But, I could obviously be 1000% wrong, as per usual with ¾ of my Magnus-flavored theories. It could be someone or something entirely unrelated, though I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Fanshawe. Especially when I stop to think about how very fond the Fears are of avatars who play hard to get, forcing their essence and power on those who want it least.

The arachnophobic Annabelle Cane.

The endlessly exhausted Oliver Banks.

The goodwilled and betrayed Michael Shelley.

The empathetic sacrificial lamb of Jonathan Sims.  

And perhaps, there at the start, Jonathan Fanshawe. Seeing and being Seen, balking at the Ceaseless Watcher’s work and the stories it wanted to share with him. Maybe, maybe.

We’ll just have to wait and See. 👁️

[devastator1775]

Uzi's quest for N's birthday gift

Summary: Nix Doorman AU. After finding out that N and the other Disassembly Drones don't have a birthday, Uzi decides that at least she can give him a birthday gift anyway. Shouldn't be a problem. There's no-one who knows N better than her. How hard could it be, right?

Prompt by @gravityglitch-blog: Not sure of how Drones regard the concept of birthdays, but maybe Uzi makes one for N since he can’t remember his original? Or N gives Uzi a gift on her birthday, if Workers keep track? You absolutely don’t have to do anything with this, it’s just what popped into my head first

Uzi let out a long, frustrated groan as she crossed out another item on her notepad. She had been at it for a few hours now and she wasn’t getting anywhere with ideas. Why was this so difficult? She tapped her pen on the subject at the top of the list.

Birthday present for N, because I am an awesome girlfriend. >:3

“’Awesome girlfriend’ …right.” Uzi muttered to herself. Part of her was really mad at herself for coming up with the idea. “I can’t even come up with an awesome present for my boyfriend who does anything and everything for me.”

Another part of herself was mad at her for being mad at herself for this. “But you are doing this for N, so he can feel special as well, so this will all be worth it.”

And then there was the self-doubting, angsty teenager side of her – that she really thought she had overcome ever since dealing with eldritch being, powers, dead moms that weren’t dead after all, ect, ect… “But what if he hates what I’m potentially giving him?”

And, of course, the zealous overachiever. “No, he’s not going to hate it because it’s going to be the most awesome present given by his awesome girlfriend.”

The girlfriend part of her made her giggle. “He’s totally gonna make out with me where I stand. And I’m gonna be like ‘N, no, don’t do that. That’s embarrassing!’, but I’m gonna let him….”

She looked down at her list. “But first I need to figure this out…” She had gone through this routine a few times over the last few days. Quite the vicious circle she’d gotten herself in.

With a heavy sigh, she went through her memory banks and opened the recording of the event that had led to her current enforced labor.

UziBirthday_TalkWithNVLizzy.mp4

She smiled as the video popped up. Her birthday was a few days ago, and unbeknownst to her, N had managed to round up V and Lizzy to help organize a surprise party for her. Even more surprising, people had actually shown up …with presents …and were having a good time. Thing sure had changed after she ‘helped stop the End Times’. Sure, everyone was told a rather …embellished version of her involvement, because they felt that the real truth would …be rather hard to believe.

She shook the thought from her mind and played the memory.

Music and the chatter of people filled the room Lizzy had managed to occupy for the party. She and N were standing by the snack table with Lizzy and V, with the former sitting comfortably on the latter’s lap, taking advantage of her girlfriend’s wheelchair-bound status. There were taking sips from a bottle of gasoline from Lizzy’s father’s private supply she had smuggled with her. There was a warm tingly sensation all of her body – nothing to do with the glass of gasoline – as N wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She leaned into N, laughing at a joke Lizzy had made at V’s expense. Judging by the small smile that tugged at the corner of her lips, she wasn’t really bothered by it.

“Stop laughing.” V warned.

Feeling bolstered by spirits, both alcoholic and emotional, Uzi let out an amused scoff. “It’s a little funny.” she said, giggling as V threw her a disgruntled look. “I wish I was there to see you struggling to say anything.”

“I was put on the spot.” V explained herself. “It’s not like I prepared something for when I was named prom queen.”

“You prepared to slaughter us all.” Lizzy countered. “Which you used me to do.”

“And you used me to let Doll kill me.”

“Aww, I’m sorry.”

“Ugh, you’re forgiven.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” N cooed.

“Shut up, loser.” Both V and Lizzy replied in unison, although the smirk and glint in their eyes betrayed the friendliness behind their jab. N just chuckled, having – finally – figured out the signs that showed the difference between those two being serious or playful in their threats.

V shoved Lizzy, who had been sitting way to comfortably on the former’s lap, off her. “Hey, wheel me over to Thad, I want to laugh with his ridiculous hat.”

“Use your crutches, lazy bolts.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Then you’ll stay right here.”

“Fine, I’ll ask someone else, then.” She turned her wheelchair over towards another group of people. “Maybe Chelsea, whom I heard totally has a crush on me, will be- “

Uzi snickered as Lizzy promptly grabbed the handles of V’s wheelchair and started to haul her away from the group. She could overhear the latter mutter something about her ‘being the only one that’s allowed to do that’, which made her giggle. Despite everything. Uzi was happy for her former-enemy-turned-frenemy-turned-friend. She knew that V had been struggling to adjust to her new condition. And despite the brave face, Uzi knew that V still had ways to go before she’d be completely there.

“You know, sometimes those two seem more like rivals than girlfriends.” N remarked, taking a slip of his glass of gasoline. The face he pulled made Uzi giggle, and she quickly took the glass of liquor out of his grip and replaced it with a bottle of oilnade. The way he beamed at her made mechanical butterflies flutter in her stomach.

“Well, if they drink any more of this stuff, I wouldn’t be surprised they’d start serenading each other in front of everybody.” Uzi replied, swirling the gasoline around in her glass. A giggle bubbled up from deep inside her. Maybe she’d better slow down with the stuff as well.

“So …you enjoying your party?” N asked, rubbing the back of his head.

“Surprisingly, yes.” She replied sincerely, looking up at her boyfriend with a bright smile. “I mean, it’s a bit …crowded for my liking, but …yeah, I’m having a great time.” She stood on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on N’s cheek. “Thank you for doing this, N.”

“You deserve this, Uzi.”

Robo-God, that smile of his could make her melt. She managed to wipe her goofy, lovestruck smile of her face and cleared her throat, trying to get some of that ‘edgy loner coolness’ back, leaning casually against N. “So …when is your birthday? Like, for no reason. It’s not that I want to organize a party for you too, hehe…”

“Oh, I don’t have one.”

Uzi chuckled. “C’mon, be serious.”

“Seriously, I don’t have a birthday.”

Uzi almost dropped her glass. It was like something fell in the pit of her stomach. “You …don’t?” She asked. She pointed over to where Lizzy had brought V. “How about…?”

“Nope.” N smiled, oblivious to the shock in Uzi’s expression.

“You don’t celebrate the day you were activated?”

N rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I don’t have any memories from my life before I got rebooted and Tessa saved me from the dumpster.” He explained. “And my time with Tessa is still fuzzy. And then there are the numerous times I regenerated from normally fatal injuries, so there isn’t really a date I can pick, y’know.”

“But- “

At that point, their conversation got interrupted when the commotion of V launching herself at someone who had made a rude comment compelled them to separate the fighting Drones. Uzi sighed as she paused the memory and returned back to her regular vision. While they hadn’t picked up the conversation after that, it really had stuck with her. N was an incredible Drone, a wonderful friend and an amazing boyfriend. Someone as sweet, loyal, kind – Uzi made a mental node she’d write down all the positive traits of N someday – as N deserved a birthday. A special day where it was all about him, with people celebrating that you are here.

Uzi never really had that until the party a few days ago, so she knew how special such an event could feel. N deserved it, and even if there wasn’t a day where they could celebrate his birthday, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t get a present. And that’s why Uzi had secluded herself to the floor of this ruined skyscraper: to think and decide on a present for N. New determination steeled her spirit and she looked at her list …only to feel her confidence falter again. The entire page was filled with ideas and all of them had been crossed out.

A puppy? Bad idea. Poison air’s gonna kill the thing.

Book about puppies? Boring.

Golden Retriever plushy? He’s not a kid.

A bottle of gasoline? N doesn’t like to drink heavy stuff.

New coat? Lame!

Coloring book? AGAIN, HE’S NOT A KID, UZI!

A picnic? Romantic, but not original enough.

A saucy picture of myself? NO, NOT GONNA DO THAT!

Uzi let out a frustrated yell and fell backwards, staring at the decrepit ceiling. She felt tears form on her screen. She felt like such a failure of a girlfriend right now. She knew N better than anyone and she couldn’t even come up with the perfect gift for him?

“’Awesome girlfriend’, my rear plate!” She threw the notepad out of a window and pulled her knees up to her chest to sulk. A shadow passed the window, making her look up in surprise. A moment later, she heard something land on the roof, followed by footsteps that clearly were coming closer to the room she was hiding in.

“Oh no… not now…” She mumbled with hollowed eyes on her screen.

The door creaked open, and to her dismay, it was N that peeked inside.

“Hey, there you are! I was looking for you.” N greeted her as he stepped in the room. He held the notepad in his hand. “This yours? It landed on my noggin as I was flying past.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s mine…give it back.” Uzi rambled, holding out her hand.

N cocked his head, raising a digital eyebrow. “Is everything okay, Uzi?”

“Sure, sure, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You are digi-sweating a lot.”

“Hormones!” Uzi blurted out, instantly regretting the waterfall of excuses that came out of her mouth. “I’m on my robo-period.”

N wasn’t buying it. “Uzi, are you avoiding me?”

“Pfff, what?” Uzi waved away his comment. “Naaaah….”

“Sure feels like it.” N commented, and the sad expression in his eyes made Uzi hate herself that she was making him feel like that. “Uzi, I know you’ve been busy with school and it’s healthy in a relationship to spend time apart and such, but normally you text me non-stop about your day or you come over to my home, things like that. And you haven’t been doing that lately. It makes me …miss you.”

“N…”

“And today, when I came over to your house, you dad told me you were out here and you were ‘looking glum’ and I find you here in this …rather unsafe building, throwing a notepad on my …hang on, what’s on here?”

Uzi felt a panic rise up and she scrambled up to run up to him. “Girl stuff! Give it back.” She jumped up to grab the pad, but due to her accursed short physique, she was unable to take it out of his hands.

N remained silent as he looked at the notepad, eventually looking up at Uzi with a puzzled expression. “Uzi, will you please tell me what this is about?”

“Nothing!” Uzi liberated the notepad from N’s grasp and turned away from him, clutching the item close to her chest. “Forget what you saw.”

“Uzi…”

“It’s dumb! It’s stupid. Not worth your time!” Uzi squeezed her eyes shut, self-loathing bubbling up from a dark place she thought she had overcome. She took in shaky breaths, trying to keep tears from falling down her visor. Uzi flinched as she suddenly felt a pair of hands fall gently on her shoulders.

“Uzi, remember back when we went looking in that ruined warehouse?” N began, his voice soft and patient. She could practically hear that little smile on his lips, feel that soft expression in his eyes. “And I had that …little accident?”

“You mean: you overheated and attacked me because you hadn’t been telling me you hadn’t been able to drink enough oil to cool yourself down?” Uzi guessed. The memory flashed before her eyes. It happened not too long after the events of prom and she had been desperate for answers. She had been taking N to the furthest reaches of the city for long times and he hadn’t been able to consume oil. He had overheated and his system made him automatically attacked her. He had managed to stop himself, but he almost managed to bring himself permanently offline in the process. She luckily had been able to feed him enough oil to wake him up. He still needed some of her oil, so she had permitted him to bite her …and she vehemently denied she kinda enjoyed the experience because he was so gentle with her.

“Yeah, that’s the one.” N squeezed her shoulders softly. “Remember what we promised each other then?”

Uzi remained silent for a few moments, before eventually letting out a heavy sigh. “We’d tell each when something was wrong. No more secrets between us.”

N hummed agreeably. “And I’ve been keeping up my part of the promise.” He slowly turned her around, so she was facing him. He cupped her chin and made her look up, smiling softly at her. “Will you?”

And there was the melting feeling again that his smile always gave her. A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She took hold of N’s hands and placed them on her cheeks, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the warmth that they gave off. She eventually nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Okay…. but I’m telling you, it’s dumb.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“I, eh …it’s…” Uzi took another deep breath. “At the party, you told me you didn’t have a birthday, and I was, like, ‘nah, a great guy like N deserves a special day’, but I can’t just pick a day and decide it’s your birthday, right?”

She didn’t wait for N to answer. The frustration that had been building up the last few days needed to be vented out. “So, I figured that I still could give you a present, because it’s a nice thing to get, you know. And I thought it would be easy because who knows you better than me? So, I made a list with ideas, but nothing I’ve come up with is good enough for you and why did I ever think that I could do this because I am such a failure of a girlfriend, and- “

Uzi got the air knocked out of her as N pulled her into a hug, which she immediately returned. She started to sob softly into his shoulder while he gently rubbed her back and kissed her cheek.

“You, Uzi Doorman, are not a failure.” N eventually said, his fingers running softly through her hair. “If anything, you are an awesome girlfriend because you would do this for me, even though I never asked for it.”

“You deserve it, N.” Uzi mumbled softly.

“That doesn’t mean you need to do this alone.” N said, pulling away from the hug. He cupped her cheek. “Together, remember?”

“Together.” Uzi repeated with a soft smile. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I went crazy over this.”

“Eh, I’m used to you acting crazy. It’s probably the thing I love most about you.”

“Oh, thanks!” Uzi laughed as she playfully punched his chest. “You goof.”

N took the notepad out of Uzi’s hand and gave it a look. “You know, you’re right that you know me the best, you know? I’d enjoy any of the things you’ve written down …maybe not the puppy, because, yeah, poison air and such…” His eyes turned back to the list, and suddenly blushed as his eyes hollowed. A sly smirk spread on his lips. “Out of curiosity, what would you wear for the picture?”

“Okay, we’re done being mushy!” Uzi announced as she snatched the notepad from N, blushing ferociously. She grabbed his hand and started to drag him to the roof. Uzi felt a lot better after talking to N. She now realized that she had been acting silly, letting herself get so worked up over this. She hooked her arms around his arms and rested her head against his shoulder as they walked. When they reached the roof, they sat down on the edge of the building, looking at the sky for a while.

“You know …I think I know which day I’d choose for my birthday.” N suddenly announced.

Uzi looked up at him in surprise. “Oh?”

“The day we met.” N answered with a bright smile.

Uzi chuckled, but stopped when she saw he was being serious. “Really? Why? I shot your head off that day. You stabbed my hand. You nearly killed me twice that day.”

“Okay, but beside that, it feels …right.”

“Still not following you…”

“Because everything changed for me that day.” N looked up at the moon, the rings reflected around his eyes. “That day was the first day to becoming …me.”

“Have you been huffing gasoline fumes?” Uzi teasingly asked. “You’re not making sense.”

“Think about it.” N explained. “At first, I was just a regular, same-as-everyone Worker Drone. With Tessa, I was basically just a real fancy pet and as a disassembly Drone, I just …followed orders. Sure, I was always, me, but …I was never allowed to explore being me. Does that make sense?”

“Eh, kinda.” Uzi replied, making a shaky gesture with her hand. “I think I get what you’re saying. You mean, you were just what they told you needed to be, right?”

“Yeah, like that.” N pulled Uzi unto his lap, chuckling as she started to blush like crazy. “But you, you changed all that. You made me question things. You made me see I was more than just what other told me I needed to be. You let me be how I wanted to be.  You made it possible for me to grow to being the person I am now. And it all started that very day, with you. And that makes you, Uzi Doorman, are the greatest present I ever gotten for my birthday.”

Uzi believed that if her cheeks would burn any brighter, they’d melt right off. “Oh, I, you, I mean, ….oh, my…”

N let out a laugh. “Seems I have got you flustered, Uzi?”

She jumped off his lap and turned away from him. Something was building up deep inside her core. A warmth and happiness that made her tingle all over her body. She tried to push it down. “N-no! I just…you’re being….”

Oh, what the hell. Just give in, Uzi Doorman.

Uzi buried her burning face in her hands and let out a loud squeal of delight, jumping up and down like an excited child. She couldn’t stop giggling. And every time she thought it was going to stop, she’d look at N and his bright, amused smile and she’d start giggling again, her cheeks blushing bright and leaving her flustered. She suddenly turned on her heels and ran up to N, jumping up into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. She planted her lips firmly on his, kissing him as hard as her tiny frame could allow.

Once they finally pulled apart, a dizzy Uzi rested her chin on N’s shoulder, trying to catch her breath.

“I guess – whew…” N began, stroking Uzi’s back. “You liked what I said.”

Uzi giggled and planted a few kisses on his cheek. “Shut up…lovable idiot.”

“So, that’s a ‘yes’.” N adjusted his grip, making sure Uzi was completely secure in his embrace. He deployed his wings and winked at Uzi. “You ready?”

Uzi wrapped her arms around N’s neck, nuzzling against his cheek – reveling in the fact that she made him blush. “Always.”

Uzi whooped as N took off and flew up high in the sky, both of them laughing as N did a few daring tricks. As they were flying back to the bunker, Uzi sighed contently as she enjoyed the sigh of the clouds drifting underneath them. And as she looked up at N, she realized something as well.

N was her greatest gift at well.

…

Maybe she could get Lizzy help her take that picture, if she swore never to tell anyone. She’d figure it out later.

Right now, she was with N.

And that was enough for now.

[chicken-wayng]

No Strings Attached

I do not own 911, obviously.

Current Word Count: 7, 086 (or around 26 pages)

Track#1: Bi, Bi Bi

It starts like it's going to be a normal night. Buck is on his way over, Chris is setting up their usual spot on the couch, and Eddie has just finished up burgers for their dinner. Then Eddie's phone pings with a message alert that changes the evening:

Would it be alright if Tommy joined us? Sorry it's such late notice but he’s got tonight off and…

Eddie doesn't read the rest of the message. His heart feels weird and he suddenly feels a little hot. It's not like the panic attack he'd experienced when he was afraid Ana and he were moving too fast, but it definitely is as uncomfortable. It feels like everything sturdy was pulled out from beneath him; which was a statement in itself from a man in his field of work. His ears ring as he types out a short response of consent.

Why does he feel so weird about Tommy coming over? Tommy has visited before and had dinner with Chris, but adding Tommy to family nights felt different in a way Eddie couldn't properly word. It felt entirely unreasonable how his entire being suddenly rejected Tommy's presence… And lately even Buck's. Ever since he'd announced his newest paramour, it seemed all Eddie heard about. Tommy likes this Star Wars themed coffee place near the 118, Tommy likes dark chocolate over milk chocolate, Tommy likes scary movies, Tommy likes video games, Tommy likes Buck and Eddie feels sick every time he thinks about it. Just the thought of it is horrible and it only makes Eddie feel worse. It's a vicious cycle of destruction he can’t stop himself from participating in.

A knock at the door interrupts his circling for now, but it's the subject of his thoughts knocking so it's like ice on a burn; a temporary fix with lasting damage. Chris lets out a cheer, grabbing his crutches and making his way towards the door. Eddie makes it after the excited boy, just in time to see Chris throw the door open and yell, “Buck!”

Eddie motions for Chris to step back and tells him to go make sure the living room is picked up while he gets the guests settled.

Buck is dressed in a pair of well fitting jeans and a purple sweater that hugs his body comfortably. A bit of his collarbone peaks out of the neck and it’s tight enough that Eddie can trace it without use of imagination, as it elegantly rises and falls with his broad shoulders. It’s a thin, dark purple sweater that brings out the blue of his eyes and the blonde highlights of his curls.

Tommy clears his throat, as if politely reminding the two he’s there, before stepping up behind Buck and holding up a bag of sour patch kids in his right hand. Eddie’s happy Tommy thought of Chris, but his attention narrows in on the left hand on Buck’s hip and suddenly he feels angry. Tommy smiles pleasantly as he says, “We brought a treat for the little dude and,” using that offending left hand he motions to a case of beer Eddie hadn’t had the time to notice in Buck’s hands. “some for us.”

It is a petty side of Eddie that makes him channel his father as he says, “Oh that’s so nice of you man, but it’s just that it's late and I don’t want Chris to have too much sugar before bed. Also I don’t think I want to drink, you can if you want I just don’t really need it to have a good time.”

Buck looks crestfallen and Tommy looks… odd but Eddie is saved from having to explain his attitude as Chris saunters back into the room. A huge cocky smile is on his face as he says, “I beat your score! It was so easy.”

Eddie’s earlier happiness briefly returns as he watches Buck separate himself from Tommy to go check the screen recording Chris had captured, both talking so excitedly it's easy to ignore his current discontentment. Until he has to turn around and entertain it.

“So how was work?” Tommy asks, friendly as ever. Dressed in a casual, pink v-necked sweater and jeans, Tommy looks genuinely comfortable. Eddie had known him well enough to know that while he was content and happy with the current life he’d built for himself, Tommy still had something he had been working through the last time Eddie and he had hung out. It seems that in the few weeks he’d been dating Buck, he'd gotten the metaphorical job done.

“Surprisingly boring,” Eddie says with a laugh, glad to have familiar territory to discuss. After returning the question, Tommy regales him with a tale of his day and Eddie slowly begins to relax. Realizing he hadn’t made a plate for Tommy, he does so as he listens as Tommy’s no-good day finally comes to an end that leaves them both laughing. It’s so easy to like Tommy, he’s such a great guy.

Realizing he’d kind of cornered himself into not drinking (not even his normal one bottle with dinner), Eddie grabs orange juice from the fridge and pours three glasses. Raising an eyebrow, Eddie asks, “Would you like one too?”

“Of course,” Tommy says, the left corner of his mouth quirking up as he leans on the counter. Something about it feels blatant to Eddie, but he’s not sure what it is. It’s too obvious and he’s never been one to guess the glaring plot, even with the number of telenovelas he’s watched. “Please and thank you, sir.”

Eddie jolts for a moment, an unexpected thrill going along his spine and traveling to a place it shouldn't be at a dinner party with his son, best friend, and his best friend’s boyfriend. He recovers quickly, but the damage was done in two ways. Not only does his jumping cause him to overspill, but he knocks over the glass intended for him as well. The orange juice covers the counter and quickly runs towards the floor, luckily Bobby was his cooking teacher and one of his tenants was to have a cooking rag. Eddie was able to sop most of it, but his shirt and jeans would have to be changed.

Tommy grabs the sink rag and uses it to wipe the sticky up, his shoulder bumping Eddie’s in the small space. They work to quickly clean up the mess and with their combined effort it doesn’t take more than two minutes.

Eddie tsks, shaking his head as he says, “I’m sorry man. Boring days get to me. Dinner is done so you don’t need to worry about it but I’ve got to change. Have Buck set you a spot at the table. Tell him the green mats are in the wash so he’ll have to make do with the yellow ones.”

“No problem. Now go before it starts to feel gross,” Tommy responds with a laugh.

Eddie passes Buck and Chris on the couch, who both look up with questioning countenances before noticing the spill down Eddie’s front. Eddie goes to his room, taking off the dirty clothes and going to his attached bathroom to wet a rag. Once he’s acceptably clean, he grabs the first shirt in his closet and quickly pulls on a pair of jeans. Pausing to check himself out in the mirror, he realizes it’s a blue sweater Buck had gotten him for father’s day. It has the word dad (and all related synonyms) all over it, in over a hundred languages, done in different shades of blue and eclectic fonts. Mentally preparing himself to go back, Eddie tells himself, “You haven't done anything wrong yet.”

Although not much of one, the pep talk does its job enough to get him out of his room. Chris and Buck are still on the couch, chatting happily, so Eddie goes back to the kitchen. Tommy has set the table and is now standing there, looking out the window with his arms wrapped around himself.

Now it's Eddie's turn to awkwardly clear his throat in announcement of himself, and he watches how Tommy jolts. The larger man turns to face Eddie, a guilty expression on his face and suddenly Eddie feels like shit. Tommy is his friend, no matter how Eddie's day went he has no right to make him feel so insecure.

“You okay man?” Eddie asks, not wanting to overstep but not wanting to fall short.

Tommy smiles, one so self-deprecating that Eddie recognizes it from the mirror, and says, “Yeah I just got in my own head. I can't stop beating myself up.”

“Don't,” Eddie says sternly, knowing how hypocritical the command is. “You wouldn't treat anyone that way so you don't do it to yourself. Want to share a beer with dinner?”

Tommy nods, grabbing them each one. The weird ice wall that had gone up seems to melt, conversation flows better as Eddie finishes grabbing all the needed condiments.

“...Anyways, it all boils down to human error,” Tommy finishes.

“People,” Eddie sighs as he grabs Chris’s burger, splitting it into four. “You'd think with a computer with all of human knowledge on it, we'd be smarter.” Eddie holds up a finger to halt Tommy before he responds so he can yell, “Boys, dinner! Go wash your hands.” He waits until he hears them scrambling up until he waves for Tommy to continue his thought.

“Oh but why learn when we can watch funny cat videos?” Tommy laughs, a deep rich sound that Eddie thinks fills the room pleasantly. It’s enthralling. “Much more important.” Tommy licks his dry lips to wet them, and Eddie would like to say that’s what drew his attention to them but then he’d be lying.

This close, Eddie can scent Tommy and it’s intoxicating. An alluring mixture of sandalwood, eucalyptus, and Kraken - whatever soap he uses and the deodorant - and most importantly Buck. The lavender and rosemary of the herbal hair products and the bergamont antiperspirant (“Never deodorant, Eddie. Not unless you want to smell me after two hours!”) Buck keeps spares of in Eddie’s bedroom bathroom. Distantly, Eddie notes that they’re both Old Spice guys too but mostly he can’t stop focusing on the fact that Tommy smells like Buck, which must mean the opposite is true. Something about this triggers Eddie’s earlier bad mood and he has to look away or else he just knows Tommy will see it.

As usual, he’s saved by Christopher as the excitable boy exclaims, “Dad please?!”

“Please what?” Eddie laughs, looking up at Buck with an eyebrow raised. The dirty blonde blushes and Eddie has to look away.

“Buck says there’s a new Kung Fu Panda movie out!” Christopher explains with a sigh. Eddie shares another look with Buck, this one much less confusing and clearly saying, ‘Kids, amiright?’

Buck laughs in response, moving towards his seat. Eddie would describe Tommy’s laugh as enthralling, the sound was nice and he would never grow tired of it; but Buck’s laugh was addicting. It felt like the times he went without it were the most miserable parts of his existence. He’d do anything to hear it for the rest of his life.

“Did you catch the game last night?” Tommy asks as he brings their beers over from the counter, taking a seat at the round dinner table, between Christopher and Buck, and across from Eddie.

“The college playoffs?” Eddie confirms as he holds up the mustard and ketchup bottles and in a silent question if Chris wants either. When he was younger he was normally a ketchup only kid, but ever since he'd entered his preteen years Chris liked to have the option.

“What else is on?” Tommy responds playfully.

“Ain't that the truth,” Eddie laughs as he puts the wanted mustard on the four cuts of burger. Eddie passes the bottle to Tommy and for a moment their hands brush and linger for a moment longer than necessary. Eddie brings his hand back with a grunt of apology.

“There was a new David Attenborough ocean documentary last night,” Buck comments, before taking a bite out of his burger.

Chris gasps as he asks, “You watched it without me?”

“No,” Buck laughs. “I watched the game with Tommy. I was making a joke because he implied there was nothing better on.”

“Ohhh,” Chris laughs too and then says. “You and Tommy should stay and watch it with us!”

With this he looks at his dad with such puppy eyes that Eddie only shrugs and responds, “It's up to them but we've gotta work tomorrow so they probably won't wanna, bud.”

And now it's Buck's turn to use his own Labrador eyes as he begs, “Tommy please? I have a set of clothes in my drawer big enough to fit you as pajamas!”

Eddie knows exactly how Tommy feels even before he gives his answer, because he's been there a thousand times for Evan Buckley:

whipped.

Track#2: Bringin' da Noise

Dinner goes pleasantly and soon they're heading for the living room to start Buck and Christopher’s documentary. The two settle into their usual spots, and just as Eddie is about to sit in his he realizes that he can't sit there. Normally Buck is sandwiched between the two Diazes but he'll probably want Tommy to sit next to him. Eddie hangs back and when Tommy stops to give him a questioning look he simply motions to the spot and says, “Currently the best place in the whole house.”

Tommy snorts and takes the seat and soon they're all settled and watching the TV. There's basic conversation between the three, but really they don't talk because Buck and Chris are paying more attention to David Attenborough. It's surprisingly comfortable, almost exactly the same as their normal routine. 

Halfway through, both Tommy and Eddie are out of their beers and Buck’s out of his orange juice. When Eddie goes to stand and grab them a refill, Tommy stops him and says, “Let me. You just relax and I'll be back soon.” 

Eddie thanks him and goes back to watching TV. It isn't until Tommy is coming back ten minutes later with a piece of paper does Eddie realize how long it had taken him to grab the drinks. The source of his stalling is apparent, as he doesn't have the drinks and instead holds up a “contract” Eddie recalls all too well for the drunken night it had been written. 

It was after Shannon had died, and Eddie had needed nothing more than to get drunk with his best friend. Chris was at abuela’s so Eddie wasn't worried about letting his inhibitions go, and let go they did. Unable to recall the exact circumstances, somehow Eddie had gotten into an emotional state wherein he was complaining about being alone forever. Chris was growing up, soon he'd be 18 and then college and Eddie would be left with an empty nest. Equally as drunk, Buck had been reminded of a movie he and Maddie had watched where the main characters agree to get married if they aren't by a certain age. Long story short, they had decided to create a similar contract. Written on one a piece of construction paper for a project of Chris's, in the worst handwriting and so badly misspelled it looked like old English, was written,

I, Edmundo Diaz, of sound mine do hereby declare if by ages, 45 and 40 respetifly, we are unmarried then I will marry Evan Buckley.

It's simple and to the point, written big to take up the paper. Buck had doodled little hearts and flowers to border it and over the years that it had resided in the kitchen it had obtained a few cooking splatters of unidentifiable sorts. A piece of paper that truly should have been thrown away by now, yet Eddie had persistently kept on the fridge regardless of how many girlfriends gave him funny looks over it.

“Did you guys make a Wedding Pact?” Tommy asks, and to hear it from anyone else, especially a man of Tommy's stature and profession, Eddie might have been nervous but from him Eddie feels only a fierce protectiveness that makes no sense. 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Eddie snappily defends them, crossing his arms. 

“Wait,” Buck says, swallowing and halting himself mid-sip of his beer. “You don't think it's a good idea anymore?”

Once again he's channeling his inner Golden Retriever to give Eddie the most pitiful look, one that has him scrambling to explain, “No! Not at all!” Somehow Buck's face falls further and Eddie further says, “Or, not no I don't want to marry you. I definitely do!” Seeing Tommy's joyantly raised eyebrow, Eddie further digs his hole. “Er, I mean I don't not want to marry you when- IF!- if the time comes.”

Tommy laughs, the joy and his eyes taking over his countenance as he says, “Oh my God, you two!” His own laughter cuts him off. 

Eddie's face feels hot and he distracts himself by putting the subtitles on. 

“It's a completely valid contract,” Buck says. “I would pay to have it notarized!”

“I would notarize it for you now,” Tommy responds. “If I had a printer for the finalizing paperwork.”

“Dad has a printer!” Chris helpfully offers. 

“It's notarized in our hearts,” Buck says with a dismissive hand wave. The conversation ends, and they settle into a comfortable silence filled with the narrations of Mr. Attenborough. Eddie feels like something has shifted, even though Tommy just sits down and they go back to watching TV.

Once the credits start rolling, Eddie turns to tell Chris to get started on his night time routine but stops when he sees him passed out with Buck. Both are laying in the same sprawling-fashion, heads thrown back and mouths open, tucked into each other like they couldn't sleep as soundly without the other - and truly they couldn't. Eddie lets the credits roll through and another doc play as he observes his little family.

And then his eyes glance next to him and he realizes he isn't the only one completely enraptured. Tommy has a soft smile and suddenly Eddie feels…

“What time is it?” Tommy asks, his head darting up as he realizes Eddie was staring at him. 

Eddie checks his phone, it's late. “12:46, we should probably get them in bed.”

Eddie stands up, his body aching from a good day's worth of work, so he twists his back to crack it and alleviate some of the pain. 

“I could help you with that really quick,” Tommy says. “I got my masseuses license.”

“Wow, vet, firefighter, pilot, masseuse; you're pretty skilled,” Eddie responds as he thinks over Tommy's offer. It's not like Tommy hasn't given him a rub down before, but it's different this time - he's Eddie's best friend's boyfriend now.

“Don't forget notary and best coffee maker at Jabba the Hutt,” Tommy adds with a laugh. “I like to keep busy.”

“Sounds like it,” Eddie says along with his own chuckle. “Hey if you ever really get bored I've got my hands full here,” Eddie waves his hands at his boys, before his hands return to his aching back.

“Oh I'd love to,” Tommy says energetically. “Anytime you need me let me know. I know it's a bit awkward me suddenly dating your best friend just as we're becoming friends ourselves and all, but I really want to be your friend. I wasn't trying to, like, use you for information on Buck.” Tommy's blue eyes reflect that he's telling a heartfelt truth. 

For an Ex-catholic, Eddie prays a lot. Currently he's praying for a metaphorical bell to save him, but since it's not coming he decides to just ring true. “I know that, and I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't want to be friends… it's just…”

And that's just it. Eddie can't even admit it and understand it himself, there's no way he can say it aloud. Thankfully Tommy takes over and charge, as he leans against the counter to nonchalantly admit, “You know, I thought you and Buck were looking for a third. I didn't realize you two weren't dating until a couple weeks into our friendship and right before he visited me at work.”

Eddie desperately wishes for another beer, just so he has something to distract himself with, but instead he raises and lowers his hands while his mouth gapes open like an idiot. “Shh-Whattt???”

“I mean, I was okay with it,” Tommy shrugs. “But it was a shock to learn you guys weren't-”

“- Tommy? Eddie?” Buck's voice is deep with sleep and he rubs his eyes with curled fists in a way that is both adorable and attractive. “We should put Chris in bed and get there ourselves. We all have work tomorrow.”

“Yeah, of course!” Eddie responds, jumping at the out. “I'll carry Chris to bed if you make sure he has all his school things together?”

Buck hums his consent and they split apart to do their familiar tasks. Eddie tucks their son in bed and by the time he makes it back to the kitchen Buck is already back. And with Tommy. The larger male has him backed up against the counter, panting breathlessly and blushing redder than Eddie has ever had the pleasure to see. Suddenly, it dawns on Eddie that it will be Tommy sharing his bed with Buck tonight and that he'll be the one on the couch.

And he wishes for midnight - even though it's already there. 

Track#3: Makes Me Ill

Eddie's circling turns into a whirling hurricane.

A curse to see Tommy with Buck. It had happened once before he knew they were dating, but now it seemed every time he went out they were on a date. During their shift after the sleepover, all he hears is about how much fun Buck had and how they should do that more often. When he takes Chris to school on their next day off, he decides to drive by Buck's apartment… only to find his visitor’s spot taken up by Tommy’s truck and opts to drive on. During the family dinner Bobby and Athena hold at their place once a month, Eddie overhears their hosts inviting the younger couple to a double date for later in the month. Once Buck had somehow forgotten his phone at home and they'd had to go on a call before he could grab it, when they'd gotten back to the house Tommy had been waiting with it and flowers, telling Buck, “not to forget about his dentist appointment after his shift tomorrow,” with an adoring kiss good-bye.

Tommy was becoming a permanent fixture and the thought of losing his position scared Eddie beyond thought.

It had been two weeks since their sleepover and Eddie had found every excuse to get out of having to endure another one. It wasn't that he couldn't stand Buck or Tommy, he just couldn't stand them together and not… well that's just it. He could tell his avoidance disheartened Buck, yet the alternative was something beyond words and incomprehensible. It was better this way.

So he did his best to avoid the couple while failing horribly. The first time it happened Eddie had to head back to the station because he'd left his wallet. Since it was the middle of the day, Chris was at school and the only hassle about this was the drive back and forth. When he'd pulled up and parked, the fire engine rushed out. Then as he was exiting his truck, Christopher's school called to talk about a bake sale. After 30 minutes (33 minutes and 24 minutes according to the call log) he was finally ready to head inside the house.

It was silent without the B squad and eerily odd without his team. Like going into a school or a doctor's office after hours, the same anxiety about being caught even though he was allowed to be there. That's when he heard it.

“If you keep doing that, I'm going to be late for work and we're going to be caught,” a deep voice says, followed by a rich chuckle. Although they've only known each other for a short amount of time, Eddie recognizes the voice easily as Tommy's.

A naughty laugh answers his statement.

Realizing just what they’re doing in the shower room, Eddie quickly backtracks, unwilling to let that image haunt him for the rest of his day. Not that him not seeing it helps, if anything it makes it worse, because now every time he goes to take a shower all he can imagine is what exactly he could have caught them doing.

The second time he's on a movie date with Marisol.

Pepa had agreed to watch Christopher so they went with something mature. Honestly, Eddie wasn’t too interested in watching a seemingly smart person make bad decisions and miss the blatant truth in front of them, so he wasn’t paying attention to the movie’s plot. They were about halfway through the movie and Marisol seemed to be enjoying it, so he simply leaned back and distracted himself by looking around.

There hadn’t been a lot of people in the theater to begin with, but after the main character had made a cringy decision over half of the little crowd had departed. Now it was just Marisol and Eddie in the front three rows and a couple in the back row.

From his position and the darkness, Eddie couldn’t make out the faces of the lovers but now that he was focusing on anything but the movie he realizes he could definitely hear them.

At first it was just a heavy breathing, which quickly gave way to a panting then the intermittent sound of addicting whimpers joined the hushed cacophony. The participants were obviously trying to keep it down and Marisol had yet to notice, but it was all Eddie could focus on. He'd had sex thousands of times, in multiple ways, but never anything as passionate sounding - even as muffled as it was.

Eddie shifts, trying not to let Marisol in on his discomfort.

A deep, pleasured moan comes from the back row, and Eddie can't help but look at Marisol to see if she heard it. Somehow she hadn't, but when Eddie looks at the screen he sees a sex scene and realizes she must have thought it belonged on the screen.

Thankfully Marisol doesn't notice and the movie is over within 30 minutes. Grateful, Eddie makes a speedy exit, practically dragging Marisol out the door. Unfortunately, she stops him in the hallway outside to point out a poster for an upcoming movie. Which means that Eddie witnesses the couple exiting the theater, hand in hand and with matching countenances of love and bliss.

Buck and Tommy.

Eddie only gets a moment to covetously observe them before Buck sees them. It does make him a little happy at how obviously happy the other man is at seeing him, but his desire to be there too trumps any joy Eddie feels.

“Eddie!” Buck exclaims, holding his hand up as if Eddie could miss him in a room full of people.

‘This must have been a little of what Buck felt when I crashed his first date with Tommy ,’ Eddie thinks but he says, “Hey guys! How goes it?”

“Great! We just saw one of my favorite books on screen!” Buck responds, the couples facing each other now so Eddie can see his pure smile easily. “It was an amazing adaptation!! What did you guys see?”

“I think we might have seen the same thing!” Marisol remarks. “Did you just come out of theater 6?”

As Buck confirms her, Eddie catches Tommy's eye. He's unable to keep it for long because the glint of them says Tommy knows Eddie knows they weren't really watching the movie.

A month has gone by, which means Bobby and Athena's dinner is tonight and that Tommy and Buck have been dating for two and a half months now. The indefinable feeling that haunts Eddie has gotten worse. Everytime he sees them together he feels his blood boil with it, when Eddie sees them separately it lays dormant. So far he's been good at keeping their visitations quarantined, but at a family dinner he would inevitably have to be around the both of them. Maybe he could use Chris as a buffer.

It's with this goal that he slowly gets them around, to the point that Chris essentially is rushing Eddie out the door. They arrive later than everyone and Chris quickly abandons him to go hang out with Denny, Harry and Mara. Eddie curses his son's extroverted personality as he makes himself go hang out with his best friend and good friend, who just so happens to be his best friend's boyfriend. Nothing to be weird about.

Why is he being so weird about it?

“What's up with you, man?” Tommy asks as he and Buck make their way over to him.

“Nothing much,” Eddie answers with a wave towards Chris as he continues, “Just been so busy lately I feel like I haven't had any free time.”

“I feel that,” Tommy says, wrapping a firm arm around Buck's waist. “Are we still on for Sunday? No pressure if you've got something else to do or just wanna use the day to relax instead.”

“Oh, y’know, it's just, I've got no one to watch Chris,” Eddie stammers out the excuse, knowing how flimsy it sounds as he says it. “You guys have fun!”

Buck shakes his head then says, “No, no! I don't really like basketball. Why don't you guys go together, I'll watch Chris! I've missed my Captain America time.”

And how can Eddie say no to that? So he doesn't, “Are you sure? I wouldn't want to make you feel… like you did before.”

“Yeah but that was before…” Buck blushes, looking down shyly where his hand rests on Tommy's wrist. “I didn't understand how I felt then, and now I do. I don't want to come between the two of you like that.”

“Of course you wouldn't,” Tommy comments lowly just for Buck, but Eddie hears it anyway.

Not understanding it and also knowing it wasn't intended for him, Eddie ignores it as he says, “Okay, awesome. Sounds like a plan! I'm looking forward to it.”

Luckily, Bobby chooses this moment to make his way over and their weekend-plans conversation ends. They chat for sometime about general things, before Athena makes her way over. Eventually they get on the topic of children and for once Eddie doesn't notice Buck with Tommy, as the couple slips away.

Actually, it isn't until they're sitting down for dinner does he notice their absence, because Chris asks Eddie, “Where is Bucky?”

Looking around, Eddie shrugs and says, “I don't know. How about this, you go save our seats and while I go to the bathroom I'll look for them.”

Words he'd come to regret as soon as that heavenly blessed, muffled moaning once again graced his ears. He should have known with his luck he'd catch them again . Should have somehow guessed what they'd be doing because he knows both of his friends.

What he doesn't expect himself to somehow know is how… distracting their noises are. Unlike the time in the theater, Eddie stalls to admire the sound and what he hears leaves him yearning for a cold shower.

“Tommy, please,” Buck whines, a sound so desperate and pleading. “Don't tease, we have to hurry.”

“Then maybe you should do so,” Tommy responds deeply, clearly just as aroused. “Come for me, Evan.”

The sound that Buck makes is one Eddie will never forget and also why he couldn't meet neither Buck nor Tommy's eye over dinner. After all, how do you make eye contact with your best friend when you know the frantic sound they make as they ejaculate? How can you look into your friend’s eyes when you want to hear their boyfriend orgasm?

And what if you just as desperately want to hear more.

Today they're at the wedding venue to help Maddie and Chim plan their wedding. “They” being Athena and Bobby, Karen and Hen, Buck and Tommy and Eddie. They were invited to help on choosing the cake and none of them were going to give up free sweets.

“I'm so glad May was okay watching all the kids today,” Karen comments to Maddie. “I can deal with my sugar rush, not theirs!”

This garners some laughs and the congenial mood follows them into the room where they'll be taste testing. The group is led through the Japanese-inspired sliding door to a beautiful room that utilizes and encaptures natural beauty. The table they sit at is elegant but clearly made from a large tree. Eddie is sat next to Buck and the end of the table, with Tommy on Buck's left, Athena is next to him and Bobby is at the head of the table at the fiancee's insistence. Karen is across from Eddie, Hen is next to her, then Chim and Maddie.

The first cake is a simple red velvet, which Eddie is immediately biased for until he takes a bite and realizes it tastes nothing like his abuela's. Trying to conceal his face because the others seem to like it, he wipes his mouth and takes a drink of his water. Karen catches his eye and without words he knows she's in the same boat.

“How's Christopher?” She asks after setting her own glass down and dabbing her lips softly so she doesn't mess up her chapstick.

“Oh you would not believe…” Eddie starts, telling her about Christopher’s foray into the dating world.

Karen laughs, “Well do you expect any difference with who his other father is?”

“Not at all,” Eddie says with his own laugh. “I just hoped he'd learn more from…” he turns to Buck, “What'd you call it?” He snaps his fingers, turning back to Karen to answer his own question and continue, “Point 2 version than Point 1.”

Buck's eyes are furrowed in confusion until he seemingly realizes they're talking about him because he considerably brightens as he chimes in, “Oh please! We've had the same amount of hook-ups since you joined - actually I think you've had more than me in the last 6 or 7 years!”

Eddie opens his mouth to start protesting but stops himself as he does the mental math. Shannon, Ana, being friends with benefits with Lena until she'd called it off, countless one night stands, and lately Marisol. Ali, Taylor, Natalia, 13 one night stands (Eddie knows how many because Buck has told him about every one) and now Tommy. Libido wise, they’re matched. Relationship wise, they’re on a similar path.

“Whatever,” Eddie mock-scoffs, the smile on his face a sure sign that he’s joking. “I’ve had more serious relationships.”

“Indisputably,” Buck mock-snarks, his smile just as mischievous. “You’re looking for a mom for Christopher, not a partner.”

Eddie gasps, bringing his hand to his chest in false offense, “How dare thee!”

“Why would he need to be looking? You’re both,” Hen jokes.

Tommy laughs, “You can’t even deny it, Evan. The only decorations you have are his art works. They’re framed and displayed in places of honor,” He looks at Karen and Hen as he says, “When he brought me over to his apartment for the first time, I swear he spent the first hour showing me around like he was some art curator showing off his favorite artist’s work.”

Everyone laughs, which is what the bakers walk out to with the next cake.

“I’m glad to see everyone’s having a good time,” A woman says, obviously the head chef or the baker’s version of that. “Are we ready to try the next?”

At everyone’s agreement, they clean up the table and pass around new plates with the new cake. Eddie would know what kind it was, if he had been able to listen to the baker instead of being completely enraptured by Buck and Tommy. The way they catch each other’s eye and share a secretive smile… It's alluring. The way their smiles sweeten, obviously in love and happy… Eddie wants to join them.

And Eddie realizes he knows exactly what that indefinable feeling plaguing him is.

It’s been obvious the whole time.

He drags his gaze away, looking straight ahead and meeting Karen’s eyes. They’re surprisingly sympathetic, like she’s experiencing something sad and wants nothing more than to fix it. Eddie can understand how she’s such a great mother, because he feels her love and he’s not even a child. Meeting her gaze is hard, but definitely easier than staring at the sweethearts.

“So Denny wants Chris to come over for a sleepover, I know we’re kind of busy now but since we’re both here we might as well chat about it,” Karen suggests as she tries the cake.

Eddie loves his family.

Grateful to her distraction his mind is taken off of the constant repetition of BuckTommyBuckTommyBuckTommy… or at the very least it’s an obnoxiously loud background noise.

“That’s perfect!” Eddie responds. “I can take them this next week if you could take them next sleepover.” Eddie subconsciously observes Tommy excusing himself and standing as he pulls out his phone to see his calendar. “Denny could come over this Friday. He could join in on our family night.”

“Yay!” Buck joins in to say after looking back from Tommy’s retreating form. “I’m excited! We’re going to have a Kung Fu Panda marathon so we can go watch the new one on Tuesday. Do you think Denny would like to come?”

“Definitely,” Karen says, all smiles. “Hen and I could use her day off to have a girl’s day with Mara. Denny went to my last salon and got embarrassed by all the grannies, he doesn’t want to go if they’re going to be there. They get… pinchy.”

Eddie laughs, “Oh my abuela and her book club are pinchy too. Every time they come around Chris he’s pretending he’s sick and wears his mask!”

“That’s smart!” Karen snaps her fingers. “I’ll have to tell Denny to use that one.”

“I’ll bet Chris already has,” Buck says. “Denny is just too sweet. Chris is more mischievous,” He rubs his head bashfully. “I swear that’s not from me.”

Everyone laughs. “Sure, Buck,” Hen says sassily, looking at him with a sisterly look. “Although, I will say he does get it from both of you.”

“Do what?” Maddie asks, leaning to face them better from the conversation she, Chim, Bobby and Athena had been having as it had come to an end.

“Chris got his player personality from both his dads,” Karen explains.

The entire table laughs.

“Oh goodness it is becoming apparent how alike our children are to us all,” Athena laughs waving her hands as she explains everything that had occured with Harry.

“I’m glad it’s all going to work out,” Buck says when she’s done.

Eddie nods, “Truly. Although, it all works out in the end, otherwise it’s not the end.” Everyone nods, adding on their own regards, but Eddie stops paying attention because it’s all taken by Buck discreetly excusing himself to the bathroom.

Which is a totally normal thing to do, but Eddie can’t stop focusing on the fact that Tommy isn’t back yet. The last time, he should have expected it and has been kicking himself for not realizing soon enough. Unable to give conversation, he crams his mouth with the rest of his cake and just nods along.

Ten minutes go by.

At this point he’s chewing mush, but he knows exactly what he’s going to do as soon as he’s done eating.

He swallows.

“Hey, I gotta go to the bathroom,” Eddie softly says as he stands up, pushing in his chair robotically. “I’ll be right back.”

The walk to the bathroom is thankfully short and the door is the same papery thin, sliding door that they had been led through before. Which means Eddie can hear them perfectly.

“You don’t think so?” Tommy is saying. “I know so, that's why I was feeling him out.”

“No way, he’s got all that Catholic guilt. Even if he could, he wouldn’t,” Buck replies.

“I’d beg to differ,” Tommy chuckles.

“Well I’m begging you to hurry,” Buck interrupts himself with a moan. “Please, oh my God, please .”

“Don’t beg God, keep begging me.”

There isn’t much talking after that. The time Eddie spends in that hallway feels innumerable. Able to easily listen, he makes sure to leave and be sat back in his spot well before they’re on their own way back.

Eddie finds that this time makes it no easier to meet the couple’s eyes.

The last time, Eddie had gone to Buck’s apartment after he and Marisol had gotten into an argument. In his defense, his spot had been open and only Buck’s Jeep had been in the apartment’s designated parking spaces. The walk up the parking garage stairs and to the elevator was daunting and the walk down the hallway to Buck's apartment was ominous, yet that was normal lately.

Maybe that's why he thinks nothing is off as he uses his key to unlock the apartment and goes in.

The sight that greets him is straight from a porno made by God for him.

Buck is bent over his counter, face twisted in a pert near illegal expression of pleasure, clearly overstimulated and loving it. Tommy is behind him, a similar countenance of ecstacy written across his face, dirty but adoring of the man beneath him. They are both facing the door, which means as soon as Eddie walks in and sights them that the opposite is true as well.

For a few seconds the momentum carries them through a few more thrusts and Eddie watches, captive to his own desire before he realizes this is real real life and not one of his repressed dreams.

“I'm sorry,” Eddie cries, trying to look away and failing as he backs up towards the door. “I'm going!”

“Eddie,” Buck says, voiced perfectly hoarse and fucked out. “Wait,” he straightens and Tommy backs up, pulling out evidently by the moans.

Eddie can't help but watch, but he also can't stay. Somehow he peels his gaze away, and runs from the apartment.

Upcoming Queue

(this is a rough draft outline. I wanted to cross-post what I have written so far because I can😎 I'd really like constructive feedback or someone to describe my writing. I'm also in need of a summary and I'm obviously no wordsmith)

(Blue are Posted, Red are Not Posted)

Chapter #1: Bi, Bi, Bi :: The set up OR As Eddie is setting up for a normal family night, Buck asks if Tommy can come and Eddie feels... Feelings about it.

Chapter #2: Bring in the Noise :: The set up pt2 OR An addition to family night doesn't disrupt it as worried.

Chapter #3: It Makes Me Ill :: Eddie has arrived in Jealousytown. All of the stations make him sick, especially when every stop be has to see Buck give love and attention at his will. And you can't imagine how it makes Eddie feel, to see them without him OR The 5 Times Eddie Catches BuckTommy.

Chapter #4: It's Gonna Be ME :: Eddie, Tommy and Buck get drunk at Chim’s bachelor party. Eddie makes a big confrontational speech to Tommy about how he thought they were friends and he can't believe he'd go behind his back type thing. Essentially telling Tommy there's been hundreds before him and Eddie's been there the whole time, it's gonna be him. Realizing he's made a fool of himself, Eddie runs off and avoids teven.

Chapter 5: No Strings Attached :: Eddie asking Chim, Hen and Bobby if he's homophobic, Chim says he's homo something (this is the plot bunny that started this fic)

Chapter 6: I Thought She Knew :: a proper break up with Marisol where he apologizes and she says she knows and there's no apology needed if he doesn't do it to another woman. They chat and he learns one of the big reasons she left is because she's bi too.

Chapter 7: Just Got Paid :: Eddie is still avoiding Buck and Tommy after Madney’s bachelor party and wedding but things are going more smoothly. Between more talks with Bobby and Hen he comes into his queer identity

Chapter 8: This I Promise You :: Confession

Chapter 9: Digital get down :: Domestic bliss 101

Chapter 10: That's When I'll Stop Loving You :: Found Family moment/telling the firefam

Chapter 11: Space Cowboy :: +1

Chapter 12: That's When I'll Stop Loving You :: Domestic bliss 202

[oddlittlestories]

I have to go to bed soon but for the record here’s how I THOUGHT TUA was gonna go

Luther’s wife is missing. They all get super panicked by not having powers. Five’s fighting style becomes significantly more vicious without them. They all go on a huge hunt & find Reggie and drag him out of where he is.

Reggie is neither Their Reggie nor Sparrow!Reggie. Sparrow!Reggie died when Allison sliced him open. This Reggie was remade when Sparrow!Reggie rebooted the world and has some knowledge but mostly no memories - he is a Pre-Trauma Reggie who didn’t have to do all that awful stuff to save his wife. (Like he did, obviously, but why would he want himself to go through remembering all that.)

Reggie gets the whole skinny and realizes Allison interrupted him halfway, and Sloane was never recreated in the new world. This is also why they don’t have their powers. He tells them there’s nothing they can do now that the particles have been sucked out of them and the world reset.

Luther goes beserk, and frankly so does his family. They ultimately figure out a way to tear open the world & cause as many problems as they solved. This definitely causes drama. Allison continues down her path of destruction, because she’s unwilling to risk her family for Luther’s. Even though her desire for revenge was what lost him his wife in the first place.

Reggie finds out and tried to put a stop to it, accusing all of them of being “unwilling to accept that they’re not exceptional anymore.” He pokes each of their buttons and tries to send them into a spiral but they’ve done this a few times and manage to drag each other back.

A sensible ending to this would’ve been that the story comes full circle as the siblings for once get the power to decide what happens. What they want to risk. What they think is ethical. And that could come with any ending really.

[soisaidfine]

Cain, Bruce Springsteen and Ethel Cain: "We’re all daughters of Cain. A cautionary tale of what would happen if you gave in instead of trying to break the cycle of everything"

Reddit Ethel Cain

Bruce Springsteen: 'In the darkness of your room, your mother calls you by your true name, You remember the faces, the places, the names, You know it’s never over it’s relentless as the rain, Adam raised a Cain’

Ethel Cain: “Conversations with my mother inspired a lot of this record. When I first started writing this, it was a big “fuck you” to my mom: “I’m the victim. You ruined my life. I’m so traumatized and this is all your fault.” And then through conversations, you learn to forgive. While things were done that never should’ve been done… she had her reasons. You can never fully demonize another human being. There’s maybe not an excuse, but there’s an explanation. I’ve shared this record with my mother over the course of writing it and told her exactly how I’m feeling and what my goals are. I’ve gotten closer with her, which has influenced the record, and the record has influenced me to get closer to her. It’s been very therapeutic. I’ve seen people talk about the record like, “Damn, did you even try to be happy? This level of depression and misery and pessimism is dangerous and you should never give into it.” But the record is so depressing and dark because it’s been my scapegoat. It’s given me the opportunity in my personal life to let go and be happy. I’m in a much more positive place in my life now because I was able to kind of exorcize these feelings into this record. I’d rather the music be dark and awful than my heart be that way forever.”

Dave Marsh, Bruce Springsteen, ‘Adam Raised a Cain’: “It was precisely this feeling that he did not run his own life that had spurred Springsteen toward rock and roll. Darkness on the Edge of Town is the fruit of Springsteen’s growing awareness of these facts. And in a way, its most remarkable accomplishment is its spirit of compassion and reconciliation for everyone and everything that had ever been falsely blamed. The apex of that spirit is ’Adam Raised a Cain,’ in which Springsteen sees himself not only as a product of a specific social situation, but literally as his father’s heir. … this is the story of all sons, all fathers. And by telling it in terms of murder - the first murder, a fratricide - Springsteen makes all generations brothers, understanding once and for all that if there is an enemy, its face is not necessarily human. The fractured chords that lead into the song render the guitar a torture device and establish the motivation of the entire album - determination to break out of the vicious circle of pain and futility that robs people of the best parts of their lives.”

Bruce Springsteen and Ethel Cain: “We’re all daughters of Cain”

Ethel Cain: “Ethel Cain… But I definitely would say she’s less of an alter ego and more of what would happen if I was a terrible person. I always say that she’s a cautionary tale of what would happen if you gave in instead of trying to break the cycle of everything. She’s very scary and menacing and angry and resentful and very powerful, but very hardened.”

how do i break the cycle, mothercain?

mothercain: "prepare yourself for the absolutely insufferable lack of satisfaction found in forgiveness"

Ethel Cain: “You can’t change your past, nor anyone else’s, and the only real strength you have in this lifetime is your forgiveness.”

Adam Raised a Cain (Bruce Springsteen Live at The Paramount Theatre 2009)

[writingbeforemidnight]

Why we have compassion for incels and hate "femcels"

Femcel. What a weird word. But I see it. Every scroll through my insta reel feed reveals it. "You're such a femcel", they might say. Bitter, hidden behind their phones. It's probably a women's rights post. Maybe something about abortions, toxic tampons or just that one video of that girl that recorded herself every time a man disappointed her.

"Femcel", the commets scream. As if women ever have problems getting laid. I'm one, and I'm striving. But that's besides the point.

The main difference between an incel and a femcel begins with the name. Incels, men "involuntarily in celibate", are a group that came off reddit. They named themselves that. They chose that name, and created their own community with their own vocabulary. "Femcels" however, is a name created by similar people. Men, frustrated with women and so called "radical feminism" (even though most things they are mad at, aren't even radical, but primarily human rights).

Now, creating these terms is a form of power, because it creates a narrative, the incels can control. They are the incels, they hate the "chads" but also the "stacys" and especially the "femcels". They have the power to paint the caricature of the femcel however they please. Surely, if there is a bunch of man haters, that has to mean, that women hating is also somewhat okay, right?

The incel movement is perceived as a defensive movement, that shields itself from female violence, femcels, unrealistic beauty standards other people set on them, loneliness and more.

You can see that, if you type in "incel" into the YouTube search bar. There's a Joe Rogan podcast, where the movement is seen as reactionary, or there is the Jubilee "ask an incel anything" video, further humanizing incels or videos about how little men are actually incels. But no video is harsh (enough).

Incels are rewarded with sympathy and humanity. Their actions have validity in context of their struggles. They are broadly seen as human.

But all of these videos fail to see, that the movement is not defensive, but offensive. It doesn't defend itself from violence, it creates it. It creates it's enemies, not based on stats or facts, but based on opinions from other radical content creators, that tell this tale of the "evil woman" and carry on their prejudices like a virus. The movement does not react to beauty standards, it makes them up and then blames other people for it. The movement doesn't help against loneliness, it creates a vicious circle that reinforces it.

---

I still remember being a Christina Aguilera fan in my early teens. And she has one kind of unknown song called "I hate boys", where she talkes about how boys "suck" and how "all men are dogs" because they play with girls and all of that stereotypical stuff.

Anyway, people were PISSED. No one bats an eye when men say they hate women because they are sensitive, stupid, gold-diggers and bad drivers, but don't you dare call a boy stupid! It's so fucked up how women can't call men stupid, while also being called ho3s, s1uts and almost every other slur there is on every rap song.

Male misbehaviour is always overshadowed. And when it's too big to be overshadowed, then it's being justified.

And "femcels"? Well, there are many reasons to treat them differently and hold them to higher standards! First of all, the patriarchy has women stuck in a very strict role. Of course women can have rage, but if so, even their rage is required to be aesthetically appealing, not ugly or disorted. We, as a society, don't allow women to be ugly. The worst image we know isn't the one of a man raping a woman, but the image of a feminist, with short blue hair and long armpits, smelling of sweat.

It's because even in 2024 women are still oppressed. Oppression creates structural barriers, that benifits some at the expense of others, the expense being the creation of a dilemma. When you can't do anything right, ever, that's called oppression. Women can't conform to society and women can't not conform.

The reason why we have compassion for incels and hate femcels, is because they are women and we don't have compassion for women.

Because we never see the humanity in women.

It's so sad, that we have more compassion with the movement that created several serial killers, like Elliot Rodgers, than with women. But then again, when has our society ever treated women with respect?

I really hope to one day wake up in a world of respect and love. Or maybe I just need to delete Instagram.

---

What do you think?

Love, xx

[andmybody2surgeons]

what about a «dont tell the doctor» subculture at the clinic?

- nurses giving littles breaks from catheters and castity belts etc despite doctors orders

- nurses giving treats and desserts to littles even if they dont eat their veggies/finish their meals

- nurses taking littles exploring in the hallways in wheelchairs during the day/night

- nurses bringing curious littles to the offices and showing recordings from surgeries and procedures on other littles, or even their own procedures

- nurses giving extra morphine or other meds to make littles high and giggly

- nurses letting littles have playdates with other little patients

- nurses giving extra orgasms

(but, it could go the other way too. giving littles more punishments or making them more uncomfortable than what the doctor ordered…)

I would be at their mercy, because there is a certain type of girl who I am helpless to resist and hopelessly drawn to. They would run circles around me and basically run the place. I would be hiding in my office. Maybe with my favourite, most sensitive patients, shushing them, keeping them calm, so they don't fall victim to those beautiful, vicious creatures who want nothing more than to torture me by destroying everything I love and hold dear.

It would be a chaotic hell clinic, but dammit I would love it. I would love walking in on something I shouldn't, nurses caught in the act of whatever, a scary mask-and-gloves "operation," a tearful little patient, but it being too late... they lock the door and I am but an accomplice and they threaten and sweet-talk me into doing things. Mean girls ganging up on you. Slowly killing ya. Doing doctor things, I would imagine. Making sure the patient gets the treatment, whatever they decide, forcing me to sit on the stool between the patient's legs. Handing me gloves, tools. Teasing the patient, telling them they'll make the doctor "cut it off" if they don't behave. And they'll wonder out loud if the doctor is getting hard touching the patient, laughing at both of our embarrassment. Maybe they'll want to watch us having sex, recording the entire thing for blackmail. They hold the patient down.

But the sweet, kind nurses too I would love. They wouldn't last very long in this ecosystem and would quickly become targets as well, but they would certainly be appreciated. The problem with us romantics is how much we like a mystifying, dominant personality. A puzzle; a different person every day. We're cat people. We get looked at just once with a certain type of look and it's all over. We're taken in, wrapped up in thoughts of them. It's real bad, I know.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Tantai Jin going from wanting to become the new Devil God to being devasted and horrified by such possibility is one of the best and most satisfying character developments in fiction. In the past, he had associated the Devil God with ultimate power and considered Ming Ye weak but once he started to feel, to regret and to mourn destruction and death, he began to identify more and more with Ming Ye. 

The fact that Ming Ye and the original Devil God were doppelgängers locked in a life-or-death battle symbolised Tantai Jin’s own struggle between the good and the evil in him, between the infernal and divine each human carries inside. The Devil God held a sway over him; however, gradually Tantai Jin has started to resemble Ming Ye more and more, whether it’s his all-encompassing love for the woman of his heart for who he is willing to give up everything or deciding to risk his life in a battle to protect his people against an evil oppressor. In the end, he even meets the same fate of failing to protect his lover and temporarily loses his mind.

At this point, Susu has changed him and the past so much that he can no  longer become the man he sees in her memories and who frightens him. It scares him that he could one day turn into someone who would hurt so many and even bring Xiwu pain by killing her father.

But what horrifies him the most is that the reason why she always suspected him and judged him so harshly was due to sins he hasn’t even committed. It’s like he is standing on a trial, unjustly accused and the prosecution shows as proofs DNA, blood samples and recordings that appear to belong to him but they are not. It’s the realisation that he was right all along, all the terrible things that have ever happened to him were never his fault, yet he gets to be blamed, found guilty and punished for them anyway.

However, his defence is useless because he’s been deemed guilty the moment he was born. He can never escape his fate, only Susu frees him from the vicious circle but that means nothing to him when he loses her.