#WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER. IM TIRED | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snobgoblin · 10 months

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I'm just a LITTLE GUY what the HELL did I do to deserve all this bullshit

#vent #see. i think we found the breaking point #it just took >my dog getting cancer >my parents making my dog being put down about their marriage??? >finals week #>parents saying transphobic shit >people on the INTERNET saying transphobic shit >unsure scheduling for my dog being put down #because my mom insists on coming but doesnt want to take off work so he has to suffer until Friday #the DAY before my birthday #>being breifly convinced the internet is going out for decades and ill never see my dear friends again #wwHHagaAYAAAAAAAUYGHHGHHHHHHHHFFF AARGRGRGRGGGGGRG AAAAAAAAA punches the wall punches the wqll #WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER. IM TIRED #oh not to mention >Tux attacking my dog for no damn reason when he LITERALLY CANT WALK

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miwtual · 1 year

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im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

#kai.txt #negativity tw #(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them)#we make gifs and nobody reblogs them #when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds #'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op'#reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something #that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place #we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does #to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting #and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces #go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets #that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases #or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place #but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces #they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either #they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters #im just so fucking tired of the disrespect #and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site #we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.

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dailykugisaki · 6 months

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Day 159 | id in alt

Long overdue feast.

(Bears have absolutely no care if their prey is still alive whilst they eat, but they have a tendency to crush the lungs and bones of their prey while they're alive.)

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #jjk mahito #BEAR KUGISAKI FOR THE WINNNN #im so tired of people saying that Kugisaki dosent enjoy the shit she does. she was born into it yes shed pick another job if it paid better #but she enjoys beating the hell out of things during the fight with the brothers it almost looked like relief on her face when she killed #IT WAS SO SWAG I WAS TWEAKIN #but nah no brothers only mahito getting what he deserves #Kugisaki has a horrid tendency to multilate the things she goes up against and not gaf about it.#YES GIRL YOU ABSOLUTELY DESTROY YOUR FOES BEYOND REGOGNIZABLITY #Let the infraction of their shattered features take image of your intrest in their lives #YIPPIE YAYYY #tw for just blood and a little but of rib showing #Kugisaki just tore the hell outta him as she deserves #also a little cannibalism Bc Kugisaki deserves it :]#it needed to happen i needed to draw it at SOME POINT #i am so good at taking canon and cranking that shit i hope

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sushisusii · 4 months

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When does it get better?

I'm suffering with my chronic depression right now and havnt been able to do much of anything. No art, no streaming, no cleaning, no caring for myself.. In and out of doctor offices, was in the ER last week. I'm so exhausted.

#Naoma #sad #sadge #when does it get better #please im so tired #i just want to rest #I want to be happy #I want to draw again

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mudstoneabyss · 8 months

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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it #this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself #and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given #which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin #it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo #like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying #by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them #when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person #yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon #but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi #get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma #especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are #like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow #i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice #or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it #i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #joyousposting

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adharastarlight · 11 months

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small question

when does it stop hurting

#does it ever stop hurting???#like being alive #its a constant ache #constant struggle #does it get better?#and when #when does it end #because yk ive been told it does for the last six years #gotta say #its actually gotten worse #im tired #im so tired #depression is a bitch

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🌙☁️🌌

#evenings and nights are always the worst for me #when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc #u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night #just .. the loneliness gets intensified #and i can compare bc #there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday #and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages #and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes #for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new #but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler #and people only get more and more mean #plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore #and can compare and know what im missing #it does get harder :c #i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it #maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets #and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that #but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c #i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets #but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone #despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die #ok. peace out 😑✌️

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shakybonesstuff · 5 months

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I don’t know why I feel like this but I do, and it won’t stop.

The only thing I want is for it to stop.

Please.

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bonnieisaway · 11 months

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seven's the best protag ever because i could make a million "get you a man who" jokes about him. get you a man who looks at him the way thirteen does. get you a man who has undefeated whimsy and love for the world like seven. get you a man who holds his friends above everything else. get you a man who'd rather go broke and hungry rather than tear apart the bonds between people. get you a man who'd get himself killed for someone who barely knows him. get you a man who'd get himself killed for an island which he's barely familiar with. get you a man who'd dress up as you and settle the arguement between you and your girlfriend including a really long serenade. get you a man who could both save the girl in white like that and also let thirteen save him like that. get you a man who's driven purpose in life is loving others

#i think i shouldnt limit it to just “best protag” but im too lazy to think of better phrasing #i know very little medias who would be willing to write a man who's that loving and empathetic and caring and also have him have killed #literal thosuands and those two points of his characters dont contradict his very personality because his actions have genuine sensible mot #a character who is the victim of his own narrative and continues to fight it over and over and over even if he's tired #because being tired does not mean he gets to stop fighting for what he loves #the s4 op lyrics literally say something along the lines of “who's tired of fighting evil?” i cant check the netflix captions of it rn #god i just love seven as a character i love how he's written #i cannot interract with the tiktok side of the fandom because #i feel like i'm pretentous or a gatekeeper when i say this #but some people just wanna see funny badass who should be feared and will not comprehend how empathetic and adoring he is #and that's ok. that's an ok character to want and love #and i will not be the person to burst the bubble but also the bubble chokes me alive LOOK AT HIM /j #explaining the intricacies of his character takes so long and its so fun but also some mfs jsut dont wanna hear it i need mfs who need it #scissor seven #wu liuqi #seven

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donnyclaws · 11 months

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I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow.#it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me.#part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

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mejomonster · 2 months

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I hate panic attacks

#rant #which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them #i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything #ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me #but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually #but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks #im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade #ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself #turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for #trigger from self hating thiught loops #it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u #physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in #the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation #but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself #in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last #longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more #im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours #im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for #hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying #in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop #altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life #and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway

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hecksupremechips · 6 months

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Minor thing that really irks me is when people treat the femc route in p3 portable as like the lesser story or like it’s a fanfic where nothing that happens in it is the “true” canon like. Bitch. The femc and everything that happens in her version of the story is just as canon as the male protagonist and everything that happens in his story. And there’s literally been so many fucking versions of p3 at this point like the base game, fes, portable, the movies, stage plays, reload, as well as spinoffs and manga and they all do things differently. I don’t see anyone acting like the base game is more canon than, say, reload so why do they do this with portable? Why can’t the (infinitely superior) version with the female protagonist just be respected for five fucking minutes goddamn

#persona #persona 3 #kotone shiomi #its the misogyny yay #but god i am so tired of her game being treated as not actually canon like it literally is #theres multiple canons dipshit there is no true version of this game #and also people saying she doesnt fit the theme or some shit like. she literally does??? and honestly she does it better #like you can really feel the love she brings to the group and how she gives everything life and helps everyone #but also just how it all comes with pain she smiles and befriends everyone but shes always been so deeply alone and she doesnt want anyone #to feel the pain shes felt and so she carries all those burdens on her own and when everyone goes to reach out for her #its too late far too late shed sacrifice herself over and over for these people and theyll never once see her cry #she also you know. actually has good social links and gets to know everyone not just people she wants fuck #so you get to see just infinitely better versions of every character with her she really does bring out the best in them #and another thing in particular with the disrespect of her story is the way shinji living is treated again just like #some kinda fanfic au by someone who didnt wanna cope with their blorbo dying like ughh #shinji surviving is just as canon as him dying there is an entire canon where he gets a happy ending and it is once again #much better than versions where he dies like ive. exhausted myself with explaining it but its just better #so yeah basically out of spite i like acting like kotones story is actually the one true canon #and when people mention stuff that isnt in her story im like ‘huh? what? that didnt happen’#cuz whos gonna stop me

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lycanwlf · 24 days

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i am actually such a hater of doomerism. like sorry i dont want to be miserable and angry all the time because "thats just how it is" no!!!!!!!!!! it doesnt have to be!!!!!!! ugh im so tired of this

#andre.txt #sorry i keep seeing posts that have weird undertones of “nothing will ever get better you will hate your life forever”#and like. idk man. mental illness does plenty enough of that. im a little tired of solutions being thrown out bc its easier to be miserable #like maybe we shouldnt be throwing in the towel like yueh everythign will suck forever and ever and the only answer is cruelty <3 #especially when this shit is in posts that are targeted towards mentally ill or marginalized groups. ugh.

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barkingangelbaby · 8 months

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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

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piplupod · 4 months

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every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[

#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it #like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl #i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth #so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone #because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl #I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else #but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl #which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl #i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes #like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense #but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders #so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it #UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker #just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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aro-ortega · 8 months

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i think it would be funny if in the future daniel + julia try to convince sasja to give polyamory/them as a throuple a shot

#like a reversal of step talking them into a being a triad in retri #been a while since ive played and definitely since ive played a chargeflystep run so. not confident in my memory #i just thknk it would be neat ! funny !#sasja still hates julia but. she knows now. and he knows that she knows. and thats not the reason she didnt save him #he still hates her for that hates her for leaving him. but. he also knows now that hes done much worse so. shrug #and in some runs he does accidentally drug-addledly confess to still being in love w her #and ! hes going to therapy and he does take it serious ! he can be difficult and lash out but. he does listen to what finch has to say #(and is willing to Work on things and like. have therapy Homework post retri)#and he wants. he doesnt want to be this (terror) anymore. he went to far he can see that now daniel made him see that. he wants to be.#something. better ? less murderous. less violent ig. i think he just doesnt want to hurt daniel again but. theres lots that could hurt him #anyway ! all that to also say - daniel is (supposedly) very perceptive and even tho hes not in the room when sasja confesses to julia #i dont think it would be hard for him to figure out that sasja misses julia (he still hangs out with her. even tho hes told her to fuck off #fuck off a thousand times) and ? maybe he would see or feel that theres still something there between them and #and idk. maybe daniel and ortega talk. maybe sasja and his romantic past w julia comes up. maybe ortega is like. it is what it is hes #hes clearly in love with you anyway so... but ? maybe......#idk ! im tired ! forgot where im going w this. idk how they get there but. maybe the float the idea by sasja. see if he would be willing to #to give julia another shot #(this came about bc i was thinking about how its funny that he + milo (+ vanya) are polyamorous but while milo #milo is dating as many people as she can sasja is just dating one person rn. i just think the contrast is funny)#sasja x daniel x julia #sasja jespersen #op #fh #sasja x julia #sasja x daniel

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