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yeyinde · 5 months ago

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WIP WEDNESDAY.

a portrait of madness | oil on canvas (in the clumsy strokes of a child's fingerpainting)

JOHNNY MACTAVISH X READER

18+ | IMPLIED KIDNAPPING. NON-GRAPHIC SMUT. TRAUMA.

He burns incense on Sunday.

Catholic, he says with a slight roll of his shoulder, tone dipped in a thick coat of nonchalance that drips like hot wax over his words. Habit.

It's piled together with other things, too—his life story eliding into a thickened paste, slurring over the edges until they're blurred and distorted. Nonsensical. Something he seems to realise by the pinch in your brow, and clicks his tongue in irritation, murmuring a jagged apology under his breath that makes you want to weep.

You won't, though. Crying just makes him frantic. Makes him gather you into his arms, holding you tight as he whispers it'll be okay and you fight the urge to tell him it's all your fault.

Swallowing it down is easier than letting him pretend he's a hero, so you watch him instead. Voyeuristic. Riveted as he brings his hand to the mangled mess of his temple, fingers folding into a fist. Driving, digging, into the scarred tissue that frames his temple. Angry. Muttering under his breath as he grinds his knuckle into bone—

It's episodic. These little spells of torment last several minutes where he digs and you fight both the urge to be sick all over the sheets and to cry, beg him to stop. Don't hurt yourself.

A farce.

It shouldn't matter that he's chiselling into tissue, raking claws through grey matter; playing Dies Irae over coiling gyri. Orchestral condemnation that makes you feel like you should be relishing in his torment. Conducting madness with barbed words and caustic accusations. But—

You derive no pleasure from his suffering, and spend the day choking on the heady plume of incense as it fills the small room he keeps you locked inside, begging him to stop.

(Please, god, stop—)

He won't, though. Not until he's satiated some indivisible need to hurt himself—righting a phantom wrong with the push of his fingers into torn tissue; trephination costumed as self-flagellation. And it's only when this urge is quelled will he climb into the lumpy mattress with you, eyes glazed over and blood dripping from the scratchmarks on his temple, and gather you into his arms. Shackling you to his heaving, sweat-slicked chest as he mutters insanity into your ear, and runs his sticky, blood-damp hands over your body.

"Mine," he'll bite out, and it'll be the only thing he says that'll make sense for the rest of the night. Everything else is the scrape of iron over lodestone; grunts and whimpers and ragged breath.

He'll take you apart with teeth and tongue, nipping at your skin as he laughs into the hollow of your throat, dazed and dizzy with the split of your thighs bracketed around his waist. A perfect feckin' fit, pretty doe.

In these moments, you'll forget yourself. Clean slate. Blank canvas. You'll pull him closer and whine when he pushes himself inside of you—a perfect fit, just like he said. A missing piece, just like he is.

You've never realised how empty you felt until he rolls his hips, sinking deep inside of you. Filling the space that aches like a bruise when he pulls out. Yearning.

And it's such an ugly thing, isn't it? To find that missing part of yourself in the thick split of his cock as he gasps about stolen ribs and figs and how he remembers you from a past life.

It'll make you sick in the morning when you feel him—sticky and thick between your thighs; cum dribbling out of your bruised, tender cunt (already aching)—but you'll beg for it as he buries his teeth into slope of your breast, grunting into the wound like you've gutted him.

And maybe you have. In a past life. A different time. Took a blade to his firm, trim belly and sliced through the tangle of thick, black hair until a line of red grinned up at you; a vicious twist of its lips, mocking and cruel. Flensed maw gaping wide enough to swallow you whole—

The worn bible on his desk, kept next to the dogtags and locket they sent him home with, speak of murder as a mortal sin. He laments this in mutable sermons sometimes, spinning reviled lies of death and destruction. Penance in pounds of flesh.

He talks about that a lot.

Penance.

Whispered out between feverish mutterings of nonsensical things too ground up in his thick patois for you to discern. To make sense of. Everything is blurred under heavy brogue, except—

"Are ye finally gonna confess today, doe?

He asks this with his legs spread wide, knees far apart. Bible resting on the top of his thick, muscular thigh. Rosary clenched tight in his fist. The cross on his chest swings like pendulum when he leads forward, eyes wide. Wild. Peering into the heart of you as he asks the question again. Softer this time. Slower. A caress. Sweet in your ear.

Enticing.

You like him better when he's drenching his fingers in grey matter and screaming at the ghosts to stop hiding things inside his closet.

So, you evade. You look away. Pretend he isn't real. Doesn't exist. That he's a ghost. A phantom. A bad dream—

"look'it me, doe—"

A shadow in a hallway. A noise in the dark.

"Look'it me—!"

Whispers at midnight. The ocean in a seashell. Creaking floorboards in an empty house. Something in the corner of your eye.

"don't do this tae me, doe! Ye cannae—"

Immaterial. Something you made up inside your head—

"why'd ye dae this tae me, doe? Why'd ye do this tae us?"

Not real. Not real. Not real—

Until his hands are around your throat. Teeth bared, lips cocked in a snarl.

"oh, ahm real, doe. Ahm very real—" madness drips in the back of his eyes like condensation down a glass. He tugs you closer until his blood-stained teeth pinch at the soft skin of your cheek. "An' don't ye forget that, doe. Ahm just as real as ye are. Ahm just as—"

Sometimes you think it's a little strange how you can still breathe even when his hands are tight like a noose around your neck. Even stranger, maybe, that you like it. The way it feels. The sight of him breaking apart, unravelling. Coming undone. Unmoored as you turn your head away from him, drawing those fevered eyes to the slope of your throat—

He bites down until skin breaks, tears. Buries his canines into you first, gasping at the puddle of blood that wells beneath his teeth. Slurping. Sucking. Groaning into your neck as your warm blood soaks his tongue, almost choking himself on the flood of it. His front teeth follow, slicing through tissue. Punishing.

Feeding.

Vampiric. You knot your fists into his shorn, messy hair, pulling him closer, nearer to your vein. The ridge of your jugular. Just get on with it.

End me, you demand. Make it worth it.

He closes his palm around your fingers when you go to push him away when he refuses your plea, wrenching your hand down to his side, his ribs, and moaning low in his throat—the sound wet, gurgling; sticky—when your nails catch his skin. Tearing. More blood between you than air in your lungs.

He presses them hard into his muscle until it yields against bone.

"feel th'?" He slurs, iron drenching his words. Sodden chin jutting into the hollow of your throat as he heaves with an airy, pluming laugh. "S'missin', ain't it, doe?"

The hand gripping your fingers tightens until they go numb. Your dizzy gasp swallowed up into the ragged spill of his breath as he slides the tips of your fingers down to bottom of his ribcage with a grunt.

He asks again—feel th', doe?—and you offer a feeble nod in response.

"what'd ye do wi' it, doe?"

You don't have an answer. You don't know.

His growls, this low, dangerous thing, and pushes your knuckles harder into his skin until it sinks against tissue—

"S’not there, is it?" He laughs with his tongue against your neck, lapping at the blood. The scorching puff of humid air against the wounds hurts like a sunburn. You bear your neck a little more. "Where'd ye put it?"

Your head hurts. Swaying like a loose pendulum on your neck—a teetotum—and you wonder if he bit too deep this time. All the way through until it clings to your body by a thin piece of tissue—

You drop forward, slumping against him. Forehead pressing into his cheekbone, lips dragging against stubble.

"You're crazy," you slur into skin, and he laughs, a muffled rumble buried in the makeshift cage of your throat.

"ahm no' crazy," he grunts, pushing you down until your back is flat against the mattress, his body boxing you in. Heavy on yours. Smothering. His head is still buried in your neck. Tongue lapping at the last drops of blood that weep from the wounds you can't feel anymore.

Not crazy. You think about this room. These four walls. Concrete. Stone slabs. Gothic revival. A bed that smells of sweat, sex, and incense. Old paper. Dusty books.

Blood.

The hollowness of his ribcage. The missing door—

He mutters things as you lull between lucidity. Talking about a man named John. Someone named Simon. How they warned him this would happen.

"aye," he concludes as you sink deeper into sleep, clinging by a loose, fraying thread as he buries himself inside of you once again. "Sift me as wheat—"

On the dredges of sleep, he'll murmur, soft and sorrowful: why'd ye dae it, doe? Why'd ye—

You don't know.

But in the back of your head, a memory dredges up from the bowels of your subconscious, spat up like vomit. Regurgitated madness. It festers, writhing like a parasite. A worm in your brain you can't control.

Ribs between your fingers. bury the bone in the backyard. But no—

Hung on a spit, blackening in the flames. Charred marrow crushed between your teeth like stale, hard bread. Chew, swallow—

You think you might have killed him. Devoured him whole.

Metaphorically speaking, that is—

(in dreams. in the empty vacuum of your mind. a different time, a different place;)

—because the thing in your memory isn't you.

#in which we ask the age old question: is it lead poisoning or ghosts #or something of the sort #wip wednesday #feels like cheating since i have a wip sideblog but ehhhhhhh #this is for you anon #title is also a wip

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forgetme-eternally-blissfully · 3 months ago

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Star AU (inspired by fanart)

Roksu blankly stares into the sky.

He has nothing left. His parents were dead, his uncle sold him, and even the slavers and slaves have passed away beneath the cliff, leaving Roksu at the top, alone. There was nothing to do but stare at the rising sun. It looked beautiful, he knew.

The leftover stars still linger in the sky brightly. He could begin to walk back to civilization at any moment. The stolen cloak sits heavy on his small shoulders, the weight of living pressing down on every inch of him, making every breath struggle to reach the air beyond his lungs. The cold air dried out his throat and made him want to hold his breath but he kept inhaling, in order to exhale again. All to keep living.

He did not ask, 'why me?'

It was a stupid question.

Things happened. Even the slaves in the carriage that went over the cliff knew that. It was simply bad luck. He didn't get dealt a good hand, but that didn't mean he would give up. Frustration burns his heart yet it fuels it all the same, like how the constant combustion of a stars core keeps it from collapsing in on itself. He lived through that frustration, and for that he was grateful.

He's seen many on his same position fall and succumb, sooner or later than himself. Like watching alternate versions of his life, some more and less prosperous. Hes one of many that have tried and failed, but since he is still alive, he must keep trying. Until he fails and dies, or until the day he succeeds.

The stars retreat from the warm glow on the horizon, subdued in that light. He wonders, how do they do it? They get hidden every day, but every night they come to rise again, bright as ever. They'll never reach the brightness of the sun, but in their combined effort, they shine in such a beautiful and unique way.

He reaches up towards those retreating stars and looks at them from in between his fingers. If he could hold on, would they keep shining? Let it shine in his palm, safe in a cage of small pale fingers, allowed to shine whenever and wherever.

Closing his fingers into a fist, he lets himself imagine that he caught one of those stars. Pulled it from the sky and held it gently. Would it be warm? Or hot, too hot for him to hold and burning his flesh in his arrogance? He lingers on that thought and looks at his closed fist, skeletal bones poking through his skin to reveal knuckles and his skinny wrist.

His hand is about to retreat when a light flashes behind his fist. He quickly pulls it back to see a bright and colorful light streaking across the sky. It screams in its decent and he can hear violent pops with flashes of purple and red overtop a luminous white.

A shooting star.

A star?... no way, he didn't make it fall— could he?

He pulls his cloak to himself and runs in the direction as it's falling. His bare feet pad quietly and quickly against the unforgiving dirt road until it gives way to grass and rocks. He holds the cloak to himself with one hand and his breathing grows heavier with each step, a pain twinging in his side and making him wince, but he pushes his feet forward still.

The star shines brightly above him, like a guiding light, and the star is loud in the way that everything around him grows quiet in comparison.

He nearly trips when he steps into a hole in the ground and his ankle twists, but he just touches the grass with his palms and pushes himself forward, running faster when adrenaline pumps into his veins at the striking pain.

He has questions but his eyes trail the star and its long tail. He has no mind outside of the shooting star which he follows. It screeches and he wonders if it will be a monster, ready to close its jaws around his neck. The bright star and its tail dips closer yet to the ground and he holds his breath as it soars downward suddenly.

He hides behind the lone oak tree on the hill as the star crashes into the valley.

He holds his breath. Inching closer to the tree, he presses himself against the bark and grips the cloak with an impassioned hand. In the crater is a white lump.

There's no room for regret. Not now.

The white lump is as bright as the star, making it difficult to see properly, but he doesn't need to worry long as it stars to dim rapidly.

The white turns to grey turns to black, and the colorful lights disappear in the wind. The morning glow reflects off the dull black lump and makes it colorful in a different way, with oranges and a rising pink.

Roksu's eyes widen at the sight. His heart beats heavily in his chest, burning from running so quickly. It pounds at the questions running through his mind.

Did he make it fall?

Will it ever glow again?

Is this his fault?

How did this happen?

What should he do?

That last one makes itself particularly known at the front of his mind, but he comes up with no answer.

The lump shifts in its spot in the crater. Roksu clamps his hands around his mouth to smother his sharp inhale.

Is it... alive?

Every fiber in his body understands that he should be running away, hiding, anything to get him away and out of sight from this strange thing that emerged in their world. Except that isn't what he does.

He watches the rising back of the lump.

It's breathing.

The back falls.

He leans further into the oak of the tree and looks closer at the weird thing.

It inhales. The back falls.

... is it hurt?

He bites his lip and digs the fingers he has pressed against the tree into that stiff bark, waking up to the sting of his flesh being bitten and scratched.

When the black lump- about the size of a crouching man- doesn't move outside of the small movement of inhaling and exhaling, Roksu gathers his courage and leaves the safety behind the tree.

He makes sure not to trip as he steps carefully down the steep hill. His ankle throbs painfully.

The sun is over the horizon now, baring its light down against the star in the crater.

Managing not to trip on a dislodged rock, he skips the rest of the way using gravity and winces when his foot gives out at the last second.

He exhales, breathing heavy. Pulling the cloak against his collar, he stands up and continues moving toward the star in the crater.

The star's back rises and falls steadily. It seems to be sleeping. That may be for the best, Roksu thinks to himself.

He reaches the edge of the crater, more wide than it is deep, and steps lightly into the exposed dirt. It digs into his feet painfully, still holding a residual warmth. Even if it's a little hot, it isn't enough to be burn him, so he keeps going.

The star, the creature, rouses slightly as he approaches. His mind wants to stop but his heart encourages his continued approach.

He steps up to the star, creature, about a few feet away. It's bigger than he thought it was and smaller than he assumed it'd be.

... Should he kick it?

Thankfully he doesn't need to do that, as the star inhales deeply and shifts upward, small bits of dirt falling off its back as it rises.

Black eyes bear down on Roksu.

The star looks like a man. No, a teenager approaching manhood, with short black hair and eyes that reflect the night star, devoid of stars.

The lump was actually the teenager's own cloak, curled around his black attire and black boots.

Roksu looks up at that young face and blinks. This... is a star?

It didn't fit his expectations, but the appearance also oddly fit the name, 'star.' He knew that he wouldn't be able to think of a star without thinking of this teenager again after this.

Roksu's reddish brown eyes meet the onyx eyes. They burrow into each other, trying to dig up answers, yet both finding none.

The onyx eyes blink first and look away from the intense gaze of the kid. It, he, begins to observe his surroundings instead.

Roksu quietly stares at this strange being who emerged from a blistering star.

The star looks back at him.

"안녕하세요?"

Roksu listens to the strange words of the star and finds it extremely funny.

"I don't speak Star, sorry." Still, he puts effort into his response. Even if it was extremely likely that the star wouldn't understand him.

"... 무엇? 나는 당신을 이해할 수 ��습니다."

Roksu nods. Yes, there is a language barrier. That means the star won't know he is the one who pulled him, it, from the sky.

He points at himself to get introductions started.

"Roksu." The star blinks at him, then slowly points at himself, unsure.

"... 최한."

"Choi Han," Roksu repeats. The star nods. Roksu points at the star and says it again. "Choi Han," then points at himself. "Roksu."

The star licks his lips and repeats it. "Roksu."

He nods, accepting the attempt. Now they have been introduced. That's a good start. Who knows, maybe 'Choi Han' means 'star.'

Roksu's head falls and he notices his bare feet, one swollen and still throbbing immensely. Hopefully it wasn't a serious injury and he could still walk on it.

Wiggling his toes and finding them painfully functional, he decides not to worry about it.

Choi Han is too busy looking at Roksu's long red hair to notice. He looks awestruck at its color, which made a little sense. It wasn't a terribly common color, and his shade of red was actual red, not closer to orange or pink. The dirty and scrappy nature of it wasn't flattering but neither were his equally scrappy clothes. The only thing saving his appearance was the slaver's cloak that he stole.

Though, maybe the star would be awestruck by any shade of hair. Who knows what a star is used to seeing, anyway.

Roksu takes advantage of Choi Han's dazed state to grab his hand and pull. He doesn't budge from his spot- weighing more than the thin Roksu- but it gets the message through.

"Follow."

The star is pulled.

Roksu climbs out of the crater and struggles to not think about how much his foot hurts. He had already ran on the injury and now he was going to walk all the way back to civilization on it, too. He might as well be asking to get his entire foot amputated.

Still, he hides the pain, hiding the way he favors one side as he walks, thinking instead about how to teach someone how to talk and read their language. Could Roksu learn how to speak star? It seemed that there would be a lot of work to do in order to communicate.

As he's pondering that, he tugs on Choi Han's hand, intending to face the hill he had come from.

An arm slips under his legs and the hand in his grasp falls away without any effort to hold onto his shoulders.

Roksu stiffens like a log.

Choi Han smiles at him.

"내가 널 안아도 괜찮았으면 좋겠어."

He frowns but swings his feet in the hold. Now he doesn't have to risk making his injury worse, but he has to be carried by a star. It felt shameful to make such a being do manual labor.

Even if it's shameful, Roksu slowly relaxes into the sturdy chest, wrapping an arm around the star's neck. His other arm points up the hill.

Choi Han gleams, resembling a twinkling star, and Roksu turns away from that happy expression. What a weird guy-star.

-----------

"The prophecy! Your majesty, the prophecy for the next decade has been delivered!" A priest runs into the throne room and all but collapses to his knees, bowing his head to the red carpet.

King Zed grips his armrest. It was good and bad news to receive a prophecy. A prophecy meant that a significant event would be occurring. Since the priest said it was estimated to predict the next decade, that meant that the event would spell out the fate of the next ten years.

It did not predict anything past that.

However, most 'significant events' regarded wars and famines. The length of time would be how long the war would last, or how long the famine would stretch before it broke. So, whatever the prophecy said, it would definitely be a big deal.

"Speak."

The priest shivers at the cold tone of the king. He lifts his head and bangs it against the floor to gather his wits and remember the words of the prophecy. It wasn't hard- it was incredibly profound, both alike to other prophecies and nothing like any prophecy they've received before.

"I will now repeat the prophecy, your majesty. It reads,

"The boy which falls a star

holds many burdens,

Speaks many lies,

And possesses a great truth.

A war, six stars that wish to take the sky,

The red crown which fights to subdue.

Ten years of darkness, nigh.

Bleed, oh boy of red, to lay the earth with

Crimson Tides, save the pitiful ones and give rise to the star of Night."

The priests low voice slowly rolls over the prophecy's words. The king listens and taps his finger on his armrest.

"... Call the Crown Prince."

The attendant waiting by the door hears this and promptly leaves the room. A brief silence is broken by the low timber of the old man sitting on his regal throne.

"Priest," The king says. "What are your thoughts?"

"My thoughts... Your majesty, I believe we must find the boy who felled a star. He will play a key role in the future, I'm sure of it."

"Then how should we go about it?"

The priest hesitates.

"Do we summon all boys to the palace and ask them if they've felled a star? What age range should we expect a boy to fit in?" The king mildly pokes holes in the priests answer. "A seven year old is as much of a boy as a fifteen year old."

The priest bites his tongue, and the king continues.

"When does a boy become a man? Should we exclude mature children and include lousy adults?"

The king tsks. This is why he called for his son to come here. Speaking with the priest is no good.

"Royal Father," a teenager roughly the age of seventeen enters the throne room and bows politely according to his status. "You called for me?"

"Yes. Alberu, listen to the prophecy for the next ten years and tell me what you believe our next action should be."

A prophecy is a huge deal, but the king comments on it as if it is no more than a small squabble that occurred in the town square. The crown prince also doesn't blink at the news.

He approaches his father and stands off to his side, looking down at the priest, who still has his head in the red carpet.

"You may speak," Alberu prompts the priest.

The priest repeats the prophecy again word for word, willing himself not to stutter in the presence of the two most influential figures in the kingdom.

"Mm." Alberu hums. "That is a unique prophecy."

"Why do you say that?" The king inquires. Alberu speaks minimally, as if answering on paper rather than to his father.

"The prophecy mentions a specific individual. It even goes as far as to list traits and achievements of the boy, as if asking us to find and accompany him in his path. Within seven centuries and hundreds of prophecies, none have spoken about a single person."

"What do you suppose we should do?"

"Find him. We should look from twelve to seventeen year old boys, particularly twelve year olds whose birthdays are near to pass. We don't know if the boy has felled a star yet, so we should leave a few months to give him that opportunity."

"We should look through the entire kingdom? That would take years."

Alberu smiles at the king, as if calmly correcting his father's words. "We have a few years at best to find the boy before the worst of the war is upon us, so we should do our best, Royal Father."

"That's right." The king nods. He stares down at the priest, who sweats cold. "Then, son. What if we don't ever find the boy?"

Alberu's smile remains on his lips, undisturbed. "Then we should do our best to support him, even if we don't know who he is."

"Correct."

Alberu lets his eyes fall on the sweating priest. Even if the priest is trembling, Alberu doesn't feel pity. It wouldn't make a difference.

The king waves a hand and the priest, as if sensing it, stands up and exits quickly with a rushed bow to pay his respects to both the current and future rulers.

With him gone, Alberu elaborates. "You'll be focusing on boys with red hair, won't you Royal Father?"

"That is obvious."

At that, the crown prince closes his eyes. He can't help but think, 'would it be so easy to find such a boy?' The description was both sorely lacking and extremely specific. He didn't know what to think about the prophecy's intention.

"Do you think we'll find him?"

Alberu smiles at that, opening his eyes and staring at the large door which shut behind the priest.

"We will. Definitely."

Somewhere, a fifteen year old boy with a red crown of hair and a newly fallen star begin to make their acquaintance.

----

I posted this to ao3! It's got 7 chapters now <3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64101292

Fanart this fic idea was inspired by vvvvv also while I couldn't find the artist I did find that this isn't Cale! It's Diluc fanart from Genshin Impact-- which makes the shooting star in the sky make more sense..............

COUGH I'm still sending this out even though I did a fanart inspired fic from a different fandom than mine-

@fictionalcreator ~

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