#WOOHOO!! FIRST MAJOR POINT OF CONFLICT!!!

[autisticlancemcclain]

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“Just – don’t do it, Lance. I don’t want you to end up in the west wing, or things are going to get bad in here.”

If Lance is being entirely honest, he has no desire to deviate from Hunk’s directions. At least he didn’t. If Hunk hadn’t said anything, it probably wouldn’t have even occurred to Lance to go to the west wing anyway. This is the second time he has been warned away from the west wing, now. If Lance was curious before, he’s burning with it now.

But Hunk is his friend, and he’s doing him a favour, so he bites his tongue and nods his head and walks down the way Hunk instructed him too. It helps that he’s ravenous, and is more focused on food than anything. 

But he won’t lie and say that he doesn’t have to force himself away from dark hallways and beckoning shadows.

———

“Oh, Lance, hello!” Colleen greets him enthusiastically when he walks in the door. Lance wiggles his fingers at her in a small wave. “I’m glad you came out, dear. I was worried.”

“Got hungry.”

“Of course, of course. Sal, heat up the food, will you?”

The giant wood burning stove in the corner of the kitchen chugs to life, vent forming an enthusiastic grin. The sound of frying meat and salted potatoes fill the air, making Lance’s mouth water.

The kitchen is quiet at this time of night; warm. It makes him think of his Abuela, on the many nights when neither of them could sleep, guiding his hands as he kneaded dough, sliced meat, prepared vegetables. Things he can do easily, now, without thinking, in a way he has never been able to do with a plow or bailer. Things that form callouses on the tips of his fingers rather than the pad of his palm. 

He shakes his head, shoving the thoughts in the back of his mind. It doesn’t matter, now. The food is warm and smells heavenly, and more importantly, there’s no screaming fiancé to reckon with. 

He scarfs back the food so quickly his stomach aches, forgetting to be self conscious. Colleen’s laughter is only teasing, after all, and there is no one else to see it. He smiles sheepishly at her and wishes her goodnight as he finishes his third plate, watching her hop off to a cabinet. 

Slowly the lights in the kitchen fade as candles burn low and the embers of the oven start to die out, shadows shifting on the cluttered walls and full shelves. Lance picks up one of the newer candles before the kitchen goes completely dark, placing it gently in a (non-animated, thankfully) teacup to guide him down the corridors. He remembers Hunk’s instructions, pausing for a moment to flip them in his head so he won’t get lost in the wide, dark hallways – left, left, right; now left, right, right. Stick to the path. 

He walks out of the kitchen, closing the heavy door gently so as to not wake anyone. He takes his time, not quite comfortable in the dark but not quite afraid, either; his shoes, worn and thin, provide a light enough cover that he can almost feel the smooth marble floors on the soles of his feet, and his free hand traces along the wall as he walks, feeling the rough bricks and occasional soft tapestries. He keeps his candle close to his face, both to help him see and to try and soak up some of the tiny flame’s warmth. His cloak is back in the servant’s quarters – his room – and the castle is warmer than outside but barely. 

His fingers brush over a soft tapestry, threads so thin and tightly woven he can barely feel the difference between them, and then brick again, and then air. He pauses, holding his candle a little further from his eyes and squinting to make out what’s in front of him. 

Difficult to see in the low candlelight, a massive stained glass window towers in front of him. The colours are too dark to make out, but when he places the candle at the base of the window and steps back, he can see the vague shapes of a young man, tall and regal and dark-haired, holding a sword and standing in front of a castle. Below him are panels of farmland and forest, and beside him are orchards, vills, estates. Above him, to the right, is a shining sun. To the left, a crescent moon.

Left, right, right. Don’t veer off the path. 

Lance bites his lip, and follows the path of the moon.

The corridor, somehow, seems colder. As if the bricks are further away from the sun, no longer leaching the warmth collected as it was shining. The darkness seems blacker, too; heavier almost, and soon his candle burns down to the base, extinguishing, leaving him to stumble forward completely blind. He reaches out to steady himself, to trace the wall to stay on track, and has to choke back a scream when he feels a face instead of a wall, sharp teeth digging into the flesh of his palm, snarling and furious. It takes him several minutes to calm his racing heart, work up the courage to reach forward, again, touch the face, map curve of the stone jaw, curling horns, and twisted, scowling mouth. A gargoyle, although Lance has never heard of one inside before.

“Rich people are so goddamn weird,” he mutters to himself. 

Shaken but determined, he moves forward. 

As he creeps forward, more and more carvings dot the walls, each one angrier and angrier. At one point he has to pull his hand away, continuing forward on his legs alone, because he fears cutting himself on teeth that only appear to get sharper, brick that only seems to get rougher. He keeps his arms extended, moving forward slowly, cautious of what might be in front of him, too scared to stumble.

Eventually, his knuckles hit a door, the sound of the slight impact bouncing off the walls and echoing down the hallway. He flattens his hands against the grainy wood, mapping out the knots, the iron studs and hinges. He’s surprised to feel the lock pulled free. He wraps his fingers around the door handles and tugs, pulling the door open with a groan.

Moonlight spills into the hallway. It’s silvery and faint, but it’s enough that Lance can see the outline of his hands, even vaguely in front of him. He pushes the door open further, wincing at the slight creak, just wide enough for him to slip in. 

The room is…huge. And destroyed.

Inside, it’s even easier for the moonlight to lift some of the oppressive shadow. It’s not bright by any means, but the window that makes up the back wall is massive and clear, and the doors are wide open, letting the full moon spill into the crowded, dusty room. Lance steps cautiously forward, hands still extended, looking around with wide eyes. 

Broken furniture litters the floor, leaving splinters and shards of metal everywhere, casting long shadows on the wall. Lance is careful to step around it, but in his attempt to steer clear he very nearly walks into one of the many torn drapes and tapestries hanging from the walls and ceiling. He ducks at the last second, avoiding a facefull of it, but he still nudges it with his shoulder, causing a cloud of dust to fall to the floor, powdering his face and hair.

“Aw, that’s fucking disgusting,” he says, swiping it off his face and resisting the urge to throw up. He shakes out his hair, hyperconscious of how little it actually does, hoping that there is some kind of well he can find on the grounds in the morning to bathe. Or, God, maybe even a real bath! With hot water! It’s a castle, after all. There should be.

He looks again at the state of the room, with the shattered glass all over the wall and holes punched into the plaster walls. Paint is peeled or scratched off in many areas, especially where decorative fabric has been torn, or where coat racks or lampposts have fallen, scratching the walls on their way down.  On second thought, hot water baths seem too nice for this shithole.

A glint catches his eye, and he lifts his head just to find himself face to face with his own fragmented reflection, startled expression mirrored back to him, brown eyes wide and eyebrows creased. Half the glass is missing, and the rest of it is spiderwebbed, in shards. The ornate carvings of the mirror’s frame have been half-crushed, like the whole giant, floor-length thing was picked up and smashed on the floor. 

Sufficiently spooked, with his abuela’s warnings of bad luck ringing in his ears, he starts to turn away, unsure if he can be cursed if he didn’t break the damn thing but unwilling to take his chances. He's in a rough enough situation. He can’t really afford to make it worse. But as he moves forward, he catches sight of another face reflected out of the corner of his eye, and whips around to face it, hand curled protectively over his heart. 

“Oh,” he breathes, air knocked out of him, transfixed on the portrait across from him.

It’s painting, or at least, it was. Like everything else in the room it’s been destroyed, half the man’s face shredded cleanly away. Left only is the shining thickness of his dark hair, the length of his pale neck, and the perplexing, swirling indigo of his eyes. He looks hauntingly familiar, in the way a name on a tombstone brings on a shudder of vague recollection, a chill down one’s spine.

Wary and curious, Lance slowly reaches forward, pinching the corner of the ripped flap of canvas with his thumb and pointer finger, cognizant of the accumulated grime, and hesitant for a reason he doesn’t understand. Slowly he begins to flip the canvas up, running his pinkies along the rejoining seams, too dark to make out the rest of the painting quite yet but noting the strong chin, sharp jawline, regal set of the shoulders – 

A red light pulses, suddenly, nearly blinding the room, and Lance’s eyes squeeze shut on reflex, hands dropping to his sides. He turns slowly once it has faded, heart pounding, and sees to his great shock a flower, encased in glass, floating atop a small table, glowing as brightly as a ruby.

As if in a trance, he walks towards it, tripping over a table but quickly righting himself, eyes glued to the flower; noting the way it seems to rotate, almost too slowly to track, and sparkle like freshly fallen snow in early sunlight. He stops when he gets close, admiring it in almost a single-minded focus; the deep, dark green of the stem, the sharp thorns in great number along it, and the softly glowing pinkish-red of the three triangular petals. Lance has seen nothing like it before, not in his sister’s garden, not sold in the town square, not even wild. The flower is enchanting, and Lance is reaching out before he can stop himself, pressing careful hands to the glass and lifting it quickly, setting it on the floor and standing again as fast as he can manage, unwilling to take his eyes off the flower for even a second.

He’s nervous, now, as the flower lays without barrier, brighter and softer alike in the cool air and silver moonlight. His reach to touch it is slow, almost as if he must caress the air around it first, single finger poised to rest gently on the widest petal.

A shadow suddenly dwarfs him. He rips back his hand at light speed, but it’s too late, and Prince Keith snarls at him, teeth bared and mouth twisted and far more horrifying than any gargoyle.

He says nothing for a moment. Condensation huffs out of him in a cloud in the cold night, enveloping his head like a halo of smoke. In the next second he’s leaping forward and Lance doesn’t have time to move, doesn’t even have time to pray, can only let out a strangle shout and sharp inhale. 

But Keith does not claw him to death, or sink his teeth into Lance’s heart. He only slams the glass case back over the flower, wrapping himself around it almost protectively, mouth still twisted and eyes still angry and cold.

“Why did you come here,” he hisses, stalking towards him, matching every step Lance takes backward. His claws scratch on the floor with every step. 

Lance says nothing.

“What about this place seemed inviting to you?” Keith’s voice is low, carefully controlled. With every word Lance’s heart lurches, and with every step his lungs get tighter and tighter. “What about the darkness and closed door made you feel you had the right to enter?”

There’s no overt animosity to his tone, no animation. His voice is flat; deadly. This is not some kind of banter; there is no upper hand for Lance to gain. This conversation doesn’t need him at all. 

This is a cornering. A final toying with a trapped animal.

“It’s only a flower,” Lance manages, and the words are barely out of his mouth before Keith roars, a hundred times louder than before, shaking the very ground with the force of it. There is nothing human or humane about it. 

“Do you realise what you could have done?!” he shouts, so mounstrous it reverberates in Lance’s bones. He slashes wildly, splitting an already broken chair in two, flinging the halves at the wall.

Lance presses himself against the wall, as far away from him as he can manage, breath coming in short pants. “I didn’t mean –”

“Get out!” Keith booms, and Lance doesn’t waste a second.

He turns around, and he flees.

— — —

next chapter

[liri-sims]

Test of Time summary, part 2: Brigid, agent of chaos

When I left off, Brigid Moss had moved into the Pond home to raise the orphaned daughters of Lir and Limat. She gave birth to a son while there, then I sent him back to live with his dad and siblings; Brigid had nothing to do but focus on the Pond daughters, the Pond crops, and practicing her basket-weaving, because I'd downloaded the Sun&Moon set for that.

Oh, and she did finally woohoo Geb and bear a daughter named Inanna. Inanna's story gets interesting much later, in adulthood, but before that, Brigid and the Pond girls had more hell to raise.

Brigid, in particular. She and Esus were actually still married, and he was a bit of an emotional mess about the whole ordeal; he'd have a want panel like "talk to Brigid, give Brigid a backrub, woohoo in bed," and I'd be like, okay, I get the hint, so I'd have one of the kids invite her over, or hail her when she walked by. He'd heartfart her and then slap her.

This was really upsetting for their kids, especially their sensitive second son, Grannus:

Grannus and his older brother Pan rolled virtually identical personalities that displayed differently - throughout their lives, Pan would react to their melodrama with rage and frustration while Grannus would run away, cry, or hide his eyes when there was a fight.

Brigid and Esus eventually reconciled, around the time Luna Pond reached adolescence, and Brigid moved back in with her husband. This may have been traumatic for Luna, because she ended up being a major troublemaker later in life.

But not as much as her foster mom.

Another one of my "photos taken moments after disaster" shots. I was controlling Luna Pond here. In the background, you see Esus slapping Brigid again, because once again she decided it was a good idea to slow-dance with Geb in front of the entire village. In the foreground, you see the sunburned young man that Luna was about to smooch - Grannus Moss, Brigid's son - hiding his eyes and about to cry because once again his family is falling apart. In the middle of his first date.

(Also, his would-be girlfriend is doing the "damn he fine" thing about the eldest son of the Stone family, totally ignoring the fact his life is crashing down around him, but that's a romance sim for you. He did get his first kiss in the end!)

Esus and Brigid were not on the best of terms after this.

Really, really not on the best of terms. You can see Pan (sunburnt, with slightly shorter hair) cheering for his dad, while Grannus, once again, is having a meltdown over all the drama and conflict.

It did not end well for Esus. He made it to old age, but only just, and then got killed by Brigid, who at this point has looped back around from "why are you LIKE THIS" to being one of my favorites just for her sheer audacity.

But I don't think she was a very good influence.

Her foster-daughter, Luna, had dated Grannus and actually agreed to go steady with him (his want, not hers.) I kind of forgot about this when I was next playing the Stone household, where the eldest son, Amon, had also rolled romance. So I sent Amon off to the springs to look for ladies, and he found Luna, and Luna was very happy about that. One person who wasn't so happy about it was Grannus's little sister, Egeria.

She kept poking and slapping Luna while Amon tried to romance her, and I couldn't figure out why until I was back at the Moss house later.

I had to go back to the Moss house because Luna attacked her, and won the fight, and I needed to kill Egeria.

So now Luna, too, had developed a taste for blood and cheating, just like her role model.

And her little sister Lethe, not to be outdone, decided to channel her own trauma into rage. This was also my fault; Lir and Limat's graves went missing, so I created a crypt-keeper sim to handle the process of relocating the graves, and I ended up resurrecting and re-killing them. Lethe, a family sim, went into an aspiration tailspin, and ended up fighting and killing the Burn family's eldest son. I lost all my screencaps of it because, again, it happened while she wasn't playable and I didn't even see what brought the fight on.

So at this point, five sims have died by violence, including three of my 10 founders. I wasn't worried about population, just marveling at the death toll. Things did calm down a bit after that, at least until everyone reached adulthood - but I'll get to that part, where people not connected to Brigid start having affairs and murders, in my next post.

[squidkidnerd]

Operation Atlantis Notes - "An Inkling of the Past" (chapter 9)

Oh boy, this was a chapter. What can I say, this is basically like the semifinale of part 1. I've been pretty excited to get to this chapter, because it's the first time the darker elements I've been teasing since the beginning really come into focus. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it. And hey, I'm really on a roll now! I only posted last chapter a little over a month ago!

Now, I say I enjoyed this chapter, but really all the scenes got a major rewrite except for the turfing scene. That's okay, though, because I think my first draft was kinda just me writing to get it all out and hey. You can't edit a blank page. It's just interesting, because I usually finish my draft and send it right off to my betas, but this time I did some rewriting first. But, hey, it's here now.

The Title: Woohoo, the first time I'm actually talking about the titles! Not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I really like chapter titles. They add such flavor and character to a fic that I adore. For Operation Atlantis, it's hard to pin down what they actually represent as a whole, but it's a... certain vibe, for sure. This one is one of my favorites because of the double meaning ("inkling" as a hint but also "inkling" as in a literal inkling). Splatoon loves it puns and double meanings, so I'm glad I got to honor the series and put one here.

Opening poem: So... if you read this and were like "Hey, this seems familiar..." that's because it is. It is literally a mem cake poem from OE copy and pasted straight from the wiki. The reason for this is, well, I simply couldn't write anything better. It so perfectly encapsulates the themes of this chapter and I LOVE the line "But is our fate to spray this hate?" It so perfectly encapsulates Three and Eight and why their ship is so compelling to me. Because, well, is it? Are the destined to be like Cuttlefish, Octavio, and countless other octolings and inklings and repeat the cycle of the past? Or, can they break free from it? Only time will tell...

The Nightmare™: This scene was fun to write. I really enjoyed referencing Inner Agent 3, and timing the beats of the fight to Calamari Inkantation worked really well. I think it's interesting, because the Inkantation has become a very clear ongoing symbol by now. In most cases it represents freedom and hope, but here, it's almost menacing. Up until this point, Eight has remained very separated from the Octarians vs. Inklings conflict that drove her down to Atlantis in the first place—she's read about it, but reading about something is nowhere near the same from directly experiencing it herself. She learns that brutally well in this chapter.

Flawed mentor figures: This is something I've quite enjoyed exploring in Operation Atlantis as a whole. Oftentimes in media, mentors seem infallible to their mentees, being infinitely wiser and more experienced. However, in both these scenes with Eight and Iso Padre as well as Three and Cuttlefish (well, more so the Three and Cuttlefish scene later on, but), we see that neither of them are perfect at all. Both, actually, make a similar mistake—they ignore Three and Eight's feelings. For Iso Padre, it's definitely less intentional, but still. Just something interesting I wanted to point out.

Three and Viktor: Oh look, it's Viktor! I gotta admit, this scene is here purely for future plot reasons and not much else. At least I got to introduce Three to Brellas? Idk. Also, more exploration of Three using turf as a coping mechanism! It makes sense, you know, because it's familiar to her in a place where everything else is unfamiliar. So, yeah.

The Incident™: Oh boy. This scene is something we've been building up to for a while, starting all the way back in chapter 6... maybe even earlier. And I've gotta be honest, it perfectly encapsulates Three and Eight's relationship at this point at the story. They're friends, but both of them are ignoring and even refusing to acknowledge the dirty laundry between them... but the thing about dirty laundry is you have to wash it or else it'll start to stink. And that's exactly what happens here. Eight might not realize it, but deep down there's a part of her that's scared of Three. And Three well... she's a scary person to Eight. Both of them are forced to realize this. I also really enjoyed calling back to the first scene with the ink colors and also with Eight's hands—in the first scene, she hallucinates that there's blood and orange ink on them, and here, there actually is. Cool.

"She's not my enemy": This was a satisfying scene to write. Three's done a lot of growing in the past 9 chapters, from assuming all octolings are her enemies to realizing there's a bigger threat and then... now, this. She already told Eight this in chapter 8, but what makes so special here is that she's telling it to Cuttlefish, the man who instilled that idea in her in the first place. It's the first time she's telling him "No, you're wrong." So, for that reason, I like this scene. Three is finally calling him out on his bullshit! Somewhat! As soon as Cuttlefish (basically) threatens her, she backs down because well, she's scared that he might end up being right. But still, I'm proud of you, bestie. One step at a time.

"Do you know what it feels like to forget?": Another banger of a scene, this time from Eight. And well... what is there to say about this? We've been building up to it since the beginning. So far, Eight's arc has all been about finding her identity and asserting herself as a person, and well... here's the ultimate form of that. She's making a choice not for anyone else but herself. How will it go? We'll just have to see next chapter!

So yeah. To close out, I just want to mention something briefly about Side Order and its lore about sanitization and Eight's amnesia: I'm ignoring it. It's not canon to this AU. I've thought up something different a long time ago, and this already isn't canon compliant so I'm not changing it. Just wanted to clear that up officially.

Anyways... chapter 9! I can't believe we're here, honestly. Working on this fic over the past year or two has been rough, but I'm trucking along slowly but surely. Speaking of slowly but surely... after chapter 10, this fic will be going on hiatus. This is for several reason, the most major of which is that I'm burnt out and need to regain my motivation by working on other things. Those other "things" include Side Order fics! Yay! But rest assured, I will return to Operation Atlantis eventually. I really want to finish this story, and that's exactly why I'm going to take this hiatus. The last thing I want is to become so burnt out that I don't even want to continue anymore. So yeah. The hiatus doesn't have a set length yet, but probably to the end of the summer, if not longer. Not sure yet. But rest assured, neither me nor this fic is going anywhere!

And that's all. Happy Springfest!

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #28- I Sure Hope Y’all Like Megatron

“Dark Cybertron” is finally over! Woohoo!

Who’s ready for a return to hijinks and mild peril?

I know this guy is!

Hold on a second-

We start our foray into Season 2 of MTMTE with a little meta-humor-

-and then it’s right into the swing of things, as Brainstorm uses the thin, fragile wine glass of faction-based morality to hold his personal need to make instruments of violence. Nautica disapproves, but then why wouldn’t she? She’s not been steeped in the militant ideologies of the Autobots for millions of years.

It’s six months after the convoluted events of “Dark Cybertron”, and our beloved ship, the Lost Light, is back on track for the Knight Quest. Nautica’s joined the crew, which is neat, but there are far more interesting things going on.

Like Rung actually doing his fucking job for once.

Wow, look at that little creamsicle man go.

It would seem that in the last half-year (by Earth standards) Megatron’s somehow gotten himself into the esteemed position of Captain of the Lost Light. This likely means that Rodimus has been defeated in battle, or perhaps fucked off on yet another space yacht to run away from his responsibilities. I suppose the narrative will have to fill us in on just what exactly happened.

Or, at least, I hope it does. Wouldn’t be a terribly good story if I had to guess on how exactly this dude’s in charge of a whole-ass Autobot crew.

Yes, yes, I know he switched sides, but goddammit, it takes a little more than saying sorry and changing your wardrobe to excuse the murder of half of NYC.

I mean, we can do both. Both is an option. I’ll break out The Communist Manifesto right now, let’s fuckin’ gooooooooo-

Six months prior to Megatron’s therapy appointment, Rodimus is ready to high-tail it off of Cybertron yet again. This is because, as established in previous posts, Cybertron kinda sucks butt. He bursts into the meeting Optimus Prime called- even though he’s really not leader of anything anymore, Starscream is- bids everyone farewell, and is about to run back out of the room when he’s stopped.

Turns out that the populace of Cybertron want Megatron to stand trial. That makes sense, given what all he’s done. Of course, the Autobot pals we’ve got in the room want to skip due process and go straight to the part where Megatron pays through the nose for the last four million years.

Which doesn’t feel terribly heroic or good guy-ish, but I think by this point you’ve probably caught on to the fact that everyone in IDW Transformers is morally gray at BEST.

Because Megatron’s had a rough time the last few years, in relation to his bodily integrity, spark extraction- that thing that High Command lied about in relation to Overlord- isn’t an option. It would just kill him dead.

Uh, excuse me? Optimus Prime, sir? Monsieur Premier?

Guess Optimus hasn’t been keeping up with exRiD.

Anyway, yeah, since Tyrest fucked off in “The Sound of Breaking Glass�� and also tried to commit a genocide, we’re gonna need someone to cast judgement.

Course, a military trial isn’t exactly ideal, but as long as it’s open to the public, it should be fine.

Probably.

Anyway, Prowl’s also going to help. Ultra Magnus has been assigned the task of representing Megatron in court, a job which he’s positively delighted to have, if his face is any indication.

The gang breaks for lunch, and Rodimus and Optimus touch base on how the Knight Quest is going.

Because Rodimus’ half of the Matrix had the map for finding the Knights of Cybertron in it, they’re gonna have to go with Plan B.

Oh fuck yes, I love Plan B!

Unfortunately, finding the ideal romantic partner for all Cybertronians is going to have to wait until after the trial, because Optimus really wants Rodimus here for this. Though perhaps there’s a way to make things move a little faster…

Back in the present, Megatron’s had just about enough of Rung being a psychiatry joke, and is about to walk out of his appointment. Ravage is here, which is neat. Rung asks Megatron about the three most important people in his life, and how he met them. One of these people is, funnily enough, Rung.

Rung, if you’ll recall, was thrown into Megatron and Impactor’s table at Maccadams waaaaaay back in The Transformers #22, the first issue of the IDW run that Roberts wrote solo. It would seem that getting arrested and subjected to police brutality ruined his once-idealistic worldview. This is just a lightning-round recap of the events of the “Chaos Theory” storyline.

Being reminded of how hard he got dunked on makes Rung break out his copy of Megatron’s autobiography, Towards Peace. Of course, Megatron has to be “that guy”, and makes it out to be far more than it actually is. My dude, you used your writing to tell all your proto-Decepticon buddies to go beat up Whirl in prison. Let’s not make things sound more grandiose than they are.

Anyway, it turns out that Rung is actually just as much a nerd as he looks, as he reveals that he’s in possession of one of the only few copies of the original version of Towards Peace. And then he takes off his glasses and the fans go bonkers, even though he’s just got that Milne Same-Face going on, just like everyone else.

There you are, you animals.

Rung discusses Revisionism, I’m reminded that the first publication of Eugenesis had a dedication to Roberts’ son of all people, and we get the question of who Terminus is to Megatron.

But alas! The X-ray vision’s been turned on, and it’s time to see… nude robots? An in-depth anatomy lesson?

Robots are confusing sometimes. Anyways, major props to Milne for drawing all that detail. Dude does the technical stuff with a ferocity that must be awe-inspiring to behold.

Megatron’s decided that it’s time for lunch, and then he’s going to do captain stuff.

Because he’s captain of the Lost Light.

I’m convinced Rodimus is dead. That’s the only way this is happening.

Six months ago, Swerve was being awful Swerve-like, with his new buddy Crosscut- guess he finally learned the guy’s name- and Riptide, who we’ll get to a little later on. These three wonderful lads are holding a sort of “crew try-outs”, and it looks like the requirements needed for entry on Megatron’s Lost Light are stiff.

Still, maybe our new friend Nautica will make the cut.

Oh, you are simply delightful!

Despite Nautica having interest in nearly every topic in the universe, on top of having impeccable taste in booze, she just misses the cut. It’s at this point that Nightbeat bursts into the room to stop this farce from going any further. The fact that nobody mentioned anything prior to this is surprising, given that portmanteaus don’t really seem the type of thing Ultra Magnus would approve of.

Back six months ago, we see what Optimus Prime’s super great idea was to expedite the judicial process- Chromedome. It’s always Chromedome. He’s gonna do that thing he promised his late husband he’d stop doing. I suppose it’s a good thing- for Rewind, anyway- that Megatron is wholly against the idea of having his memories torn out of his head. Guess we’re gonna have to do the trial the normal, non brain-pokey way.

Optimus leaves the cell, because I suppose he’s remembered that there’s a conflict of interests here, but Rodimus stays behind to let Megatron know he deserves everything that’s coming his way.

Then Megatron breaks out the puzzle-box from Hellraiser.

In the present, Chromedome isn’t so much spiraling in his depression as he is circling the drain. Nightbeat doesn’t give a shit about that though- he’s more concerned with the fact that one of the numbers on the door to Chromedome’s room is missing. But I’m sure it’s fine.

It’s fiiiiiiiiiiine.

While Nightbeat’s busy being insensitive to his fellow man’s distress, Megatron’s arrived to his room to find his door’s been vandalized by a bunch of idiots who must have just discovered what a thesaurus is. Then he gets shot in the fucking hand with an arrow.

As you do.

Whirl’s gotten ahold of a bow, and he fully intends to use it for Megatron-directed violence. And also his fists. His very pointy fists. He punches Megatron through the fucking floor into the fuel furnace, and they fall what’s probably a good 200 feet to the ground below. Whirl yells about evening the score between the two of them, and then knees Megatron in the dick.

Turns out, Megatron remembers Whirl even better than originally thought, having gone so far as to order his forces to not kill Whirl, because, in a way, he was grateful for the lesson he learned back before the war in Rodion.

Oh man, I hope Rung’s somehow listening in on this. Like, eavesdropping is obviously bad medicine, but we’ve already established that he sucks as a professional, and he needs what few advantages he can get.

Whirl, enraged by the implication that he’s been fighting fixed battles for the last four million years, punches Megatron in the gut… and his arm gets swallowed up by an errant portal leftover from all of Shockwave’s tampering. Since you can’t really fight with only one arm, Megatron wanders off to do captainy things.

Walking back the timeline slightly, we revisit Megatron leaving Rung’s office, and the idea of personal revisionism, the conversation becoming parallel with the strange happenings going on within the ship, as Rewind’s final message is altered so as not to end with “I love you” but instead a blood-curdling scream. Chromedome is, understandably, upset by this turn of events.

Over with Whirl, it’s revealed that the little fight we saw was intentionally set up. For what purpose, or by whom, is left a mystery.

Please see a doctor.

One last flashback to the trial, as Prowl lists off everything that’s standing in the way of our Sympathetic Megatron Redemption Arc.

Good fuckin’ luck, James.

Back in the present, Megatron’s slapped a bandaid on the hole in his torso, as he checks to see what’s happening on the bridge. It would appear there’s a coffin floating around in space.

Pretty fucked up.

[oathkeepersims]

Xion Gallagher (Stoner)

Basic Info Name: Xion Victoria Gallagher (Stoner) Birthday: July 14th, 1988 Age: 28 Address: Sulani VA: Alyson Stoner Sexual Orientation: Straight Astrological Sign: Cancer Aspiration: Big Happy Family Favorite Color: Black Sim Characteristics: Emotional, Family Motivated, Idealist, Nature Enthusiast Likes: Fitness, Photography, Piano, Programming, Research, Rock Climbing, Rocket Science, Video Gaming, Wellness, Handiness Dislikes: Singing, Gardening, Cooking Fears: Dolls Traits: Daydreamer, Insecure, Webmaster, Treasure Hunter, Sincere, Sensitive, Handy, Emotional, Tender, Need Intimacy, Elegant, Collector, Soul Searcher Lifestyles: Energetic, Outdoorsy, Techie Self Image: Negative Self Image

NSFW Info Virgin: No Alcohol: Yes Cigarette Smoker: Yes Drugs: Cannabis Wicked Attributes: Switch, Odaxelagnia

Physical & Mental Health Physical: No known issues Mental: Self Injury & Depression

Milestones Teen: New Sibling, Adopted a Pet, First Kiss, First Woohoo, Started Romantic Relationship, Smoked Tobacco, Smoked Cannabis, Bought Drugs, Graduated High School

Young Adult: Started Therapy, Got a Job, Break Up (Roxas), Started a New Relationship (Riku), Got Pregnant, Had a Baby, Got Engaged, Got Married, Had a Baby

Family Parents: Kelsey & Devon Stoner (Married) Siblings: Cole Stoner (Little Brother) Family Pets: Biscuit (Dog) Financial Status: Average Children: Conner & Jake Gallagher Xion & Riku's Pets: Opie & Brenda (Dogs)

High School High School: Destati High (Graduated) Grade: C to B Student Popularity: Not Popular Social Group: Artists Collective Affinity: Indifferent to Popularity Club: Computer Club

College College: Hikari University Major: Computer Science Earned Degree in Computer Science

Work Previous Job: Video Game Streamer (Part Time) (HU) Career: Quality Assurance

Friends Best Friends: Roxas McCartney & Axel Flynn Close Friends: Namine Snow & Kairi Panettiere

Romance Relationship Status: Married to Riku Gallagher First Kiss: Roxas McCartney Crush/Partner: Riku Gallagher Ex Relationships: Roxas McCartney Sexual Partners: Roxas McCartney, Riku Gallagher

Destati High Xion's life at home & school isn't that great. At school, she is constantly being harassed & bullied at school by a girl named Katrina. The teachers watch & don't do anything about it & Xion is too afraid to stand up for herself. At home, her parents just had a new baby & all their focus is on the new baby & Xion feels alone. On top of that, her best friend Axel is acting very cold towards her. Xion feels worthless & to cope she inflicts injuries on herself. When Xion gets bullied by Katrina to the point of Katrina punching Xion, Kairi flips & defends Xion by getting into a fight with her. After Kairi & Katrina's fight, Katrina leaves Xion alone, much to Xion's relief. While away in Hollywood, Roxas & Xion have too much to drink one night & end up sleeping together. Xion feels conflicted about the situation & avoids conversing with Roxas about it. Kairi convinces Xion to give her relationship with Roxas a chance or she might always be confused about their relationship. On the last day of their trip, Xion tells Roxas she wants to be with him.

Hikari University During the 3 year time gap, Roxas learns of Xion's self-injurious behavior. He convinces her to start going to therapy & Xion agrees. She hasn't injured herself since, but throughout the passed year, Xion notices Roxas pulling away from her. They start to fight a lot, & it's really because Xion is realizing Roxas is still in love with Namine. Xion decides to break up with Roxas & supports him in his relationship with Namine. Shortly after Roxas & Namine get together, she & Riku kiss one night & sleep together. They then begin dating with both Roxas & Namine's support. Months go by & after a camping trip, Xion ends up pregnant with Riku's baby. She & Riku sit with their thoughts on the matter & Riku approaches Xion telling her, he loves her & wants to keep the baby, & they decide to keep it.

Lifelines A year after Hikari University; Riku & Xion have their son, Conner & move in together. They've talked about marriage but are in no rush to get married as they're happy with the way things are. Xion still barely speaks to her parents & have made little effort to see their grandson. Since having the baby, Xion feels a little self conscious, which Riku tries to reassure her she's still beautiful & he loves her. Namine is eventually able to learn how to get everyone's memories back & she does so. After this, Xion begins training alongside everyone else. They are soon warned that a new enemy is targeting the guardians & their lineage. They escape to a secret realm to protect themselves & their children. They remain here for six years. During this time, Riku & Xion get married & have another son, Jake.

Photo Album

Shout out to the wonderful modders & content creators out there! Most of the information here I was able to add to each character courtesy of Radiophobe, Heleane, BasementalCC, TurboDriver, Chingyu, Kuttoe, YourFalseHope, adeepindigo, & littlemssam. Hairstyles were also created by racoonium! Link below for the Mods/CC/Sets/Animations that I have used in my KH Sims videos!

Mods/CC/Animation/Sets

Character Bios for Destati High & Hikari University

[pixel3000nerd]

Venting topic incoming. Move along if you’re not interested or don’t want to deal with my bullshit thoughts

Alright... so I’m currently taking a small break from the studying that I’m doing today. I don’t know why but I felt like typing my thoughts out. I haven’t done that in so long and I feel like I shouldn’t because... it isn’t really going to fix anything. But if you’re reading to this then... thanks for taking your time to read out something that might turn pointless after writing this and you reading this. But anyways... during the studying, I was starting to feel stressed. And when I’m stressed, comes negative and real thoughts. Real thoughts? Well thoughts about the real world. The thought of how my future will go, how my classes will go, how I’m going to sustain financially during these next couple of days without a job... It just came down washing upon me just now. I had to get it out. Thankfully I’m not feeling super depressed right now. I’ve managed to control my emotions and depression all a bit better. Minus the anxiety, that comes and goes at random times. Fucking woohoo... So... currently I’m studying in college. I’m in my second year, and soon going to my third year of studying. Major in Computer and Networking. It’s been going pretty smoothly. I’m enjoying it. However, it doesn’t stop me from being super stress and anxious over when tests are incoming. I feel like I worry more than I should... or maybe I’m worrying like I should... but anyways, this is a career that I chose to study because I like working with computers, and I have the capacity to work with them. However, my mind has been very conflicting these past months. Well... ever since I was going to admit myself to the university... basically, content creation in general. Ever since as far back as 2009, I’ve been creating YouTube videos. However, only the recent ones are available as I’ve deleted a few in the very far past just to avoid cringe, and I kind of regret it as they were fond memories now. But anyways, recently I’ve been known for making PMVs. (Pony Music Videos). I’ve enjoyed making them as much as I enjoyed the show and the community in general back then. However, things hasn’t been going well trying to make these... at first, I was able to create quite a ton of content back then. No problem. Despite the lack of good performing hardware even (which I’m still dealing with today, more on that later). After my PMV “The Big Black” I... sort of went in a hiatus. A year... 2... yea currently at 2. I’ve made almost nothing of creative content. I was at first dealing with mild depression and anxiety, to the point where I couldn’t function well. I had to be taken to a mental hospital to treat me. After that, I’ve become more stable... but in a emotional level. Not like... personality or dealing with stuffs that I’m currently dealing with.

Currently the lack of content is due to laziness, anxiety, stress and worries. Laziness is the minority, the rest is practically what’s taking up the confidence and motivation out of me. I’m a person who fantasizes alot. Like.. ALOT. And that’s bad I know... Fantasies of me creating something amazing. Ideas that I have lingering in mind and that people could praise and look at and leave positive feedback that they’re enjoying what I make. It makes me happy to think about it. And I imagine making alot of that. However... during my first year in college, I realized that content creation isn’t something I should do as a full time job like I originally wanted... mostly because, creating too much in a small span of time, leaves me stress and unmotivated, out of ideas. I run out of ideas quickly after using them. So I figured that maybe as a hobby... or as a part time job that I would do it no problem. However that’s not the case still. I currently do it on my free time. Is not a job because I barely get any revenue. About 5-10 bucks a day... that’s not really much... it only gives me enough for like monthly subscription on Netflix or what not.

So anyways, at this point you might be thinking. “So you chose to study in university for computer but you seem to be more enthusiastic about content creation” Ehh... is complicated. See, I enjoy both. Not only do I like tinkering with computers, fixing them (at software level), programming, etc. But I also like making stuffs ON the computer. I took this because is seems like a much more stable option for a job then content creating at my house through the internet.  Plus, it serves me as a plan in case if I one day try to do content creation as a job and fail, I can go towards what I study. However, the major that I’m studying in, is what I’m aiming for first. Is my plan A. 

But the whole point that’s stressing me out is... I don’t feel... ready... or capable on taking on anything... I feel weak, I feel like everyone is better then me... the videos that I make. The ideas that I have for content creating, whether it’d be videos, games, music. In a future job dealing with computers, I feel like I’m going to be thrown something that I haven’t dealt with or heard of before but that people are supposed to know and then I get fired. I currently don’t have a job so there’s that other thing. I’m dealing with constant financial crisis. I still live with my mother and little brothers. The financial help that we get, is only enough for paying bills and even then, sometimes is not enough. Trying to get a job here in Puerto Rico is near impossible. There’s almost 0 job opportunities over here, because this island is fucked.

I’ve wanted to save up money to buy stuffs for myself that could help me on content creating and other things that could contribute to my knowledge of computers and electronics. But I can’t... so motivation just goes full down. And without motivation, I feel lazy, an idiot, I feel like everything’s going to bring me down. Is a loop that I get stuffs, since I feel like that whenever I don’t create something. And that’s almost always, because when I try to create, there’s always the lingering thought about financial crisis, failure in university, failure at life itself. One of the options I had for making money is to make a Patreon. I thought about it for so long, I thought maybe it would help me keep myself motivated and prepared, but it always comes around to the “NO”. Reasons being that my current hardware limitations makes it much harder for me to create certain content. Or most... and as I mentioned above, I find it hard to take time to create something, due to procrastination, major worries of my life status, and the feeling that alot of people are better at making what make and that people will frown upon my creation, saying how is bad. How is awful. I’ve had nightmares about it. Is awful. Now I’m not talking about well constructive criticism. Those I understand, and listen to. But is just... well lastly, there’s WAY too many people that already has patreon. What makes people want to donate to me anyways? They either don’t have money, or they already donate someone else on Patreon, so why waste their time on me? My content is garbage compared to the ones that other people make!

I get hopeless, I think that maybe I should just abandon content creation all together. All the ideas I had in mind... blown away into darkness. The “amazing video editor “, “the master of glitches”, “pixel senpai”, names that alot of people has known me and called me for, is gone and will be irrelevant if I do so. They’ll be looking up towards other people that inspires them. I’ll lose friends because I’m not relevant, I don’t fit in their category anymore. And on top of that it makes me feel lazy because I’ve always been an imaginative person. I want to let those ideas out and show them to the world.

So... whether if I do that or not, there’s still the path that is going to be taken with my job as a computer and network installer and repairer. I feel like I might fail miserably sometime soon in the university, or that the fees and bills that I need to pay won’t be paid because of my lack of money that isn’t fully recoverable by the small financial help that I receive. If I manage to make it through... now there’s the time of my life where I have to make all the initiative. Something that I haven’t worked quite well. And moving to the US and trying to find a home or apartment to stay in while I look for a job, and try to see if I can actually FIND a job that suits what I know and what I can do... is going to be tough I know it. I mean... I have some hope that I can do it... but at the same time, worries and anxiety flood in and tell me that I’m not going to make it.

So conflicts of life status, and conflict of trying to make the 2 things that I enjoy is just something that keeps coming back to my head once I get real with my thoughts. I can’t abandon my career for Computer/Networking Installment and Repairment as is something that I’ve enjoyed of learning and working since I like computers. Ever since I was 4. And the fact that it seems like a choice for me to be a stable job in the future... if I manage to go through... But, content creation... I have the choice to abandon it... I can do so... I thought about it so many times. But the fear of doing so pushes me back, even though I’m not making much content at all, I don’t want to fully abandon it. The losing of friends, going back to being a nobody... not being an inspiration nor making people smile... the constant flow of ideas that I get... all getting trapped inside my head.

Is...I feel like crying...

If you’ve reached this far down then damn. Props to you. I may have gotten a tiny bit off-rail from what I wanted to express. But it happens all the time. I hope this is still understandable. I tried my best to take those lingering worries and express it here.

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Two

Part 2b of 6

This section contains variations depending on the percentage of morale in your base builder.

If your base morale is LESS than 50%, continue reading. If your base morale is GREATER than 50%, read Part 2a.

Affected clips are indicated by italics.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't get what you think's so wrong about it.

ZOE CRICK: So you do the same in the same order every single morning.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, and?

ZOE CRICK: Brush your teeth, five minutes. Wash your face, one minute. Boil some water, two minutes. Dunk the tea bag one minute thirty-five seconds precisely.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yup. Thirty-five seconds makes the best cuppa. As long as you put the milk in first.

ZOE CRICK: Of course! You'd be an idiot not to.

ESTEBAN SOSA: Zoe, Philip.

ZOE CRICK: Esteban -

ESTEBAN SOSA: I'm so very sorry to interrupt.

ZOE CRICK: No, it's fine. I'm sure our listeners would agree that we really, really weren't talking about anything important.

ESTEBAN SOSA: Yes. We must prioritize. On top of our agenda has been this radio situation. Major De Santa is not happy that you're pushing Radio Abel from the airwaves.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's not our fault they went off the air! We didn't blow up Abel.

ESTEBAN SOSA: True, Philip. However, Radio New Tomorrow is now blocking the Abel frequency. I think maybe we can agree that this is your fault.

ZOE CRICK: Fault's a bit harsh -

ESTEBAN SOSA: You're right, of course. We should be looking for synergies, not conflicts. Brand merges rather than brand wars. This is why the Permanent Advisory Council has decided on a joint broadcast.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The Permanent Advisory Council wants us to - ?

ESTEBAN SOSA: - has decided, yes.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Well, um... stay tuned, listeners. We'll be back after this. I think.

ZOE CRICK: Great song! One of my top ten guilty pleasures.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Welcome back, ci-ti-zens. So, yeah. If you've just tuned in, there's been some big changes around here. Joining us all the way from Abel, we've got Jack and -

JACK HOLDEN: Hey guys! We're back! Woohoo!

EUGENE WOODS: Hello everyone! Boy, it's good to be back, wouldn't you say, Jack?

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - Jack and Eugene. Back on the airwaves for the new improved Radio New Tomorrow, now with added Abel. Lucky us.

ZOE CRICK: Anyway, before you joined us on the air, we were talking about routine. Right, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right.

ZOE CRICK: Phil's a big fan of routine. Not a big fan of change, are you, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I'm not.

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, routine's very important, isn't it, Jack?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, without a doubt, Gene.

EUGENE WOODS: Without routine, we'd be no better than animals.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, I don't know. Animals have routines, don't they?

EUGENE WOODS: Like what?

JACK HOLDEN: Like -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't get off on a tangent. We don't do tangents on Radio New Tomorrow.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh.

EUGENE WOODS: It wasn't really a tangent, it was more -

ZOE CRICK: We totally do tangents on Radio New Tomorrow! We might as well call it Radio Tangent.

JACK HOLDEN: Tangents are good, anyway. Routines... yeah, routine's fine and all, but when the world's going crazy...

EUGENE WOODS: Like if you're a survivor of the zombie apocalypse -

JACK HOLDEN: - surrounded by the living dead -

EUGENE WOODS: - never knowing when you might have to run for your life or kill one of your closest friends -

ZOE CRICK: Then it might be important to stay flexible. All right, let's play some music.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't care how many listeners you think you have. That doesn't change the principle -

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, get down from your high horse, Phil, for God's sakes! You know you're squatting this frequency at best. You swooped in here while you thought we were gone, and -

JACK HOLDEN: While they thought I was dead!

EUGENE WOODS: While you thought Jack was dead! And then you started -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And then what? We were supposed to just leave that incredibly annoying recording running until, uh, the end of time?

ZOE CRICK: He has got a point.

JACK HOLDEN: Why didn't you just start fresh on a new channel?

EUGENE WOODS: Exactly! You just wanted to poach our listeners.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It is not about the listeners!

ZOE CRICK: Guys -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not now!

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, it's not about the listeners, he says!

JACK HOLDEN: That's rich!

ZOE CRICK: Guys!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What?

EUGENE WOODS: What?

ZOE CRICK: Um, the song ended about a minute ago.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Damn it! This is your fault.

EUGENE WOODS: Me? The music's playing from your end!

JACK HOLDEN: For God's sake.

EUGENE WOODS: [sighs] Okay, listeners. Sorry about that.

JACK HOLDEN: Yes. Please accept our sincere apologies for the conduct of our substitutes.

EUGENE WOODS: Don't worry, though. We've come to an agreement to avoid any further... difficulties.

JACK HOLDEN: Yep. Uh, the new plan is that we'll be on a rota from now on.

EUGENE WOODS: So sometimes you'll get us -

JACK HOLDEN: And then, unfortunately, sometimes you'll be stuck with those guys.

EUGENE WOODS: It can't be changed.

JACK HOLDEN: If it could, we would.

EUGENE WOODS: Indeed. But hey, at least we're back, even if it's only for part of the time.

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely. And to celebrate the fact, here's some music from your very favorite radio DJs.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Stay safe out there, guys.

JACK HOLDEN: Okie dokie! Uh, we're back with you, and it's time for something we haven't done in a little while.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Well, we haven't really done any of this in a little while.

JACK HOLDEN: I mean... yeah, okay, but well, this is something we haven't done in an even littler while.

EUGENE WOODS: What?

JACK HOLDEN: It's been longer since we did this.

EUGENE WOODS: Well, why didn't you just say that?

JACK HOLDEN: Trying to keep the patter going?

EUGENE WOODS: Failing miserably?

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, yeah. Man.

EUGENE WOODS: Anyway, we're just going to give you a bit of an update on what's going on in and around Abel, where you can find shelter, where you can trade, and where you should avoid at all costs.

JACK HOLDEN: It's useful information, guys, so stay with us.

EUGENE WOODS: We'll be right back.

EUGENE WOODS: All right then, Jack, how's it looking out there?

JACK HOLDEN: Well first off, I want to say thanks to all our contributors on Rofflenet who've been feeding us this info since we came back on the air.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, thanks a bunch, everyone. We really couldn't do this without you.

JACK HOLDEN: Not at all. You guys rock! Especially everyone at the New Times, which is bringing journalism back from the dead.

EUGENE WOODS: You really just won't quit with the zombie puns, will you?

JACK HOLDEN: [laugh] Nope.

EUGENE WOODS: Just when you thought they were dead -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, hey, don't step to me!

EUGENE WOODS: - they keep coming back.

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] You're the worst!

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, don't sell yourself short. Anyway guys, here's the news. You ready?

JACK HOLDEN: Take it away!

EUGENE WOODS: Okay, so long time listeners to our show will remember our friends over at Phoenix Comics. Well, they've been back in touch to let us know that they've expanded, and now control the whole of Hemmins Town Square.

JACK HOLDEN: Nice work, guys.

EUGENE WOODS: Keep on fighting the good fight. They also wanted to let all of you know that they're accepting any able-bodied folks looking for a safe place to stay. You'll have to be prepared to work on their farm and help with their reconstruction efforts, but they're offering hot water, clean housing, and fresh meat twice a month.

JACK HOLDEN: Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Do you think they'll want a radio host?

JACK HOLDEN: Don't you mean two?

EUGENE WOODS: Oh. Oh jeez, this is awkward... uh, yeah, you're not invited. Sorry, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: [gasps] ... listeners, I'm going to have a word with Eugene in private about other peoples' feelings and how they should be respected and not hurt like a big mean-head.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Don't be so soft!

JACK HOLDEN: Mean-head!

JACK HOLDEN: Groovy.

EUGENE WOODS: Groovy?

JACK HOLDEN: Yup! That was a groovy song.

EUGENE WOODS: Well, I'm hip to that, brother.

JACK HOLDEN: [snorts] Dork.

EUGENE WOODS: Says you. What's next on our list?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh... oh! Well, to follow our hot tip about the nicest place south of Gretna, we've got a big old warning for you all now.

EUGENE WOODS: Oh wow, this sounds nasty.

JACK HOLDEN: Yep. Um, everyone pay attention. We've received reports that there's been an explosion at an old warehouse up near Hayfield.

EUGENE WOODS: Generator malfunction is what I heard.

JACK HOLDEN: Me too. Uh, there were a few people holed up there, unfortunately, but the important thing's what happened next.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Apparently, the warehouse used to be owned by some big cleaning company.

JACK HOLDEN: And a couple of hundred gallons of bleach floor cleaner and other nasty chemicals have leaked into the nearby river.

EUGENE WOODS: This is really bad news, guys, so whatever you do, do not drink water from the Dundrennan river.

JACK HOLDEN: We're serious about this, guys. Stay away from the Dundrennan unless you've got a death wish.

EUGENE WOODS: This is so serious, we're not going to even make any witty remarks about the situation. We're just going to remind you: do not drink from the Dundrennan.

JACK HOLDEN: And now here's a song.

EUGENE WOODS: All right, guys. Now, to wrap things up for this feature, we're going to get down and dirty with a quick shoutout to all the new green zones we've been hearing about. Take it away, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: E.B. Park is clean. They've got a nice butterfly house, remember?

EUGENE WOODS: I believe you're right. Also, Elan Amphitheater is clean.

JACK HOLDEN: Big up to the folks down there. Not an easy job.

EUGENE WOODS: The Ellis Stone Estate, clear of zoms.

JACK HOLDEN: Pendleton Heights, clear of zoms.

EUGENE WOODS: And finally, Venture Plaza.

JACK HOLDEN: Phew! Well, I'm glad to hear things are going so well.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, well, let's hope they all stay clear for a while.

JACK HOLDEN: Totally. Uh, we could certainly do with some more good news.

EUGENE WOODS: And some more good tunes!

JACK HOLDEN: You read my mind. Right back after this.

JACK HOLDEN: All righty, guys, it's now time for us to sign off and hand you back to the B team.

EUGENE WOODS: But before we go, we just have a quick tip to share with you all.

JACK HOLDEN: We do! Uh, this is the latest thing from the folks over at the New Times.

EUGENE WOODS: It's all the rage right now. You see, listeners, since the whole zombie... invasion?

JACK HOLDEN: Kerfuffle?

EUGENE WOODS: Mishegoss.

JACK HOLDEN: Ooh.

EUGENE WOODS: Cool. Since the whole zombie mishegoss, it's become increasingly difficult to keep track of your friends.

JACK HOLDEN: Where they are, what they're doing.

EUGENE WOODS: Right, so the guys over at the NT have -

ZOE CRICK: Right, time's up.

JACK HOLDEN: What?

EUGENE WOODS: Hey!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We've been waiting twenty minutes for you to finish so we can get on.

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, it's actually only been seven minutes.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's not the point! We had an agreement. If these two would stick to the script -

ZOE CRICK: I don't get the impression they actually have a script.

JACK HOLDEN: I beg your pardon! We plan our broadcasts very carfully, thank you very much!

EUGENE WOODS: Well, apart from the, uh -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, yeah, apart from that. That is -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The point is, the rota we agreed on isn't working -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, come on, Phil, don't be that guy! Don't -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What guy?

JACK HOLDEN: The rota guy! Don't – don't do that to us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I am not Rota Guy.

JACK HOLDEN: [mockingly imitates PHIL CHEESEMAN] "Nah nah nah, I'm Phil. Rota rota rota!"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listen, you fa-

[JACK HOLDEN shouts]

ZOE CRICK: Whoa!

[three ascending synthesizer notes play, a echoing voice whispers, "New Tomorrow"]

EUGENE WOODS: Okay. Now, things got a little heated, there -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Why did you interrupt me?

JACK HOLDEN: Why did I interrupt a complete tool using a homophobic slur?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hey, I wasn't - !

EUGENE WOODS: Jack, easy!

ZOE CRICK: We all need to calm down.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm not a homophobe!

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, you were about to call me -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - a fat idiot. A fat idiot. That's what I was going to call you! "You fat idiot!"

JACK HOLDEN: Oh. Oh, sorry. ... I'm not fat!

EUGENE WOODS: Okay, okay. Everyone, let's just take a minute, okay?

ZOE CRICK: You know what I think our problem is? We've got a jingle, and you haven't.  

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Really? You think that's the problem.

ZOE CRICK: Yes. So, as a fence-building exercise – oh, hold on. Do I sound like Esteban?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes.

ZOE CRICK: As an olive branch, I thought I'd do you guys your very own jingle.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But you can't sing, or play an instrument. You're tone deaf.

ZOE CRICK: I didn't say it would be a good jingle.

EUGENE WOODS: I can hardly wait. We'll be back after this.

[accompanied by an electronic keyboard melody and shaker percussion beat, ZOE CRICK sings, "Jack and Eugene are... Radio Abel!"

ZOE CRICK: That's it! In my defense, I didn't have much time, and as Phil pointed out, I am tone deaf.

EUGENE WOODS: No, no, it was great. Thanks a lot.

JACK HOLDEN: Ugh. Sounded like a deodorant advert from the 70s.

EUGENE WOODS: Jack!

ZOE CRICK: Thanks.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, sorry. That came out harsher than I thought it would.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Maybe try thinking before you speak next time.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, and what would you know about that?

EUGENE WOODS: All right, all right! Jeez, enough. I need some air. Zoe, thank you for the song. Phil, the floor is yours. We'll try not to overrun so much next time.

ZOE CRICK: Sure.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Goodbye! So nice of you to stop in.

ZOE CRICK: Phil! Just... oh God, just play a song, would you?

Note: the next three clips contain spoilers for S2M11, “The Kids Are Alright”

ZOE CRICK: If you've just tuned in, today's a special broadcast just for Jamie's rugrats.

PHIL CHEESEMAN and ZOE CRICK simultaneously: Hi, kids!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right now, it's the art competition! We asked you to draw a picture of an important place, person, or animal. Jamie's sent them all in for us to pick some of our favorites.

ZOE CRICK: This is great. I feel just like Tony Hart. It's time for the gallery. [hums theme tune]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] They're at primary school, Zoe. They don't know who Tony Hart was. I didn't know who he was until you started going on and on and on about him. [out loud] First up, there's Tasha, aged seven. She's sent us a picture of -

ZOE CRICK: I think that might be Jamie. I didn't know he had three legs and bright blue skin, but -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh yes, Tasha's written it on. It's a lovely picture of Jamie. That's great, Tasha! You're very talented.

ZOE CRICK: Six year old Eric has sent us a picture of what's definitely a horse. And I think that's him riding it. You've got a very realistic sense of motion there, Eric, I have to say. That horse definitely looks like it's galloping, which makes sense, because you've drawn three zombies chasing it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And this is from... oh.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, that's... Jamie, if you're listening, I think little Alison might need a hug. Or a very good therapist. Actually, probably both, unless you really have been reading the children the collected works of HP Lovecraft, in which case, well done, Alison! That does look exactly look like Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, kiddos, this song's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Now, we've heard that Runner Fifty-Three's found sixteen whole packets of rice krispies, so we thought it'd be fun to learn how to make rice krispie cakes! Apart from the rice krispies, you're going to need, uh... two ounces of unsalted butter. Yeah, that could be a problem. Do you think lard would do instead?

ZOE CRICK: How would I know? I once set fire to spaghetti. I don't mean I burned it. It was actually aflame.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, lard's fat, isn't it? And Abel's got a whole van full of it. Uh, let's say two ounces of lard. You're also going to need golden syrup, or honey if you haven't got golden syrup. And if you haven't got any honey, I suppose anything sweet will do. And then... yeah, the chocolate's going to be a problem as well.

ZOE CRICK: Instant coffee powder?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't be an idiot.

ZOE CRICK: But it is brown. And Runner Five just found a supermarket full of it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know what, kiddos? Why don't you all just have a lovely bowl of rice krispies.

ZOE CRICK: Is there any milk?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: A lovely dry bowl of rice krispies.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's the moment you've all been waiting for: question time. This was Jamie's idea. He got you to write down all those confusing things you don't understand, and we're going to explain them to you. Isn't that fun?

ZOE CRICK: Because, he says - and I quote – "It'll stop the little monsters asking me the same thing over and over and over again."

Our first question is from Jordan, and Jordan's asking, "Why is the sky blue?" Well, it's because the atmosphere refracts the different wavelengths of light, and -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's because that's the color the unicorns painted it.

ZOE CRICK: It's – what?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We all know it's the unicorns' job to paint the sky, and blue is their favorite color, Zoe. Next question.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Okay. Jasper wants to know where babies come from. That's easy. It's when two people have sex without protection -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: When a man gives a woman he loves a very special hug.

ZOE CRICK: Of course it is. Aaron's asking why mommy and daddy had to go away and leave him alone, Phil. Perhaps you'd like to answer that one, too. I'm sure unicorns must have been involved somehow. Rather than, you know, zombies.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's because sometimes bad things happen to good people, Aaron, and that's very sad. But your mommy and daddy loved you very, very much, and every time you smile, they'll be smiling right back at you from heaven.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. That's right, Aaron. You listen to what Phil's telling you. He's not always as stupid as he sounds. Your mommy and daddy are watching over you, and they asked me to play this song specially for you.

[EUGENE WOODS and ZOE CRICK speak simultaneously]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh man, I love that song!

ZOE CRICK: Dear God, I hate that song!

[characters take turns speaking]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, sorry.

ZOE CRICK: Hi. Sorry about that.

EUGENE WOODS: No, uh. No, it's uh... Jack's helping Janine with something, and uh...

ZOE CRICK: Yeah uh, Phil's out, too. Feeling a bit useless?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. [laughs] Me, too.

[EUGENE WOODS and ZOE CRICK speak simultaneously]

ZOE CRICK: So, uh -

EUGENE WOODS: Anyway -

[characters take turns speaking]

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Again!

EUGENE WOODS: Sorry.

ZOE CRICK: It's weird how you just get into a rhythm, isn't it?

EUGENE WOODS: Totally! And you know, that gets thrown off really easily.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah.

EUGENE WOODS: I mean, Jack, he can be a real doofus, but...

ZOE CRICK: You two work well together, I'll give you that.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Yeah, we do. And you and Phil?

ZOE CRICK: Well, he's an idiot, obviously.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: But God help me, [laughs] I guess I'm stuck with him.

EUGENE WOODS: They're idiots, but they're our idiots.

ZOE CRICK: [giggles] Yeah. Maybe that should be the Fraternal Alliance's new motto.

EUGENE WOODS: Hey, how about a song?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, sounds good.

EUGENE WOODS: Now, you may not know this one...

ZOE CRICK: Hey, that was actually all right.

EUGENE WOODS: Thanks. You know, I play base on that one.

ZOE CRICK: Seriously?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, but I got fired pretty soon afterwards. They couldn't handle how funky I was.

ZOE CRICK: That must have been hard on you.

EUGENE WOODS: No, I'm uh... I was joking. ... Oh.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Come on.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, okay.

ZOE CRICK: You know, we don't have our senses of humor surgically removed when we move into New Canton. I mean, I didn't. I can't speak for Phil.

EUGENE WOODS: No, no, I mean... Look. We sort of -

ZOE CRICK: - got off on the wrong foot?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. This hasn't been the easiest time for us, you know, and -

ZOE CRICK: - it didn't help that you came back to find someone else had been keeping your chairs warm.

EUGENE WOODS: No.

ZOE CRICK: It's not like we did it to spite you guys.

EUGENE WOODS: No, of course not. Listen, uh, I'll have a word with Jack, and you know, we'll try and give you guys a little bit more space in the future.

ZOE CRICK: Maybe we could do a show together sometime. [laughs] How badly wrong can it go?

EUGENE WOODS: Apocalyptically badly?

ZOE CRICK: Still, let's give it a shot.

EUGENE WOODS: If we can get Jack and Phil to behave.

ZOE CRICK: Apparently, miracles do happen. [laughs]

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Yeah, all right. Time for a song?

ZOE CRICK: Sounds good. Here's one you might not have heard.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay. Now, we've been looking forward to playing these to you guys.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. When we asked you all to get in touch a while ago, we were really hoping this is what we'd get.

JACK HOLDEN: We're about to play you all a series of stories from other listeners to Radio Abel. Now, I think it's really important for us to tell our stories, to share them and understand what it was that we've all been through these past months.

EUGENE WOODS: It's part of the healing process.

JACK HOLDEN: Right, exactly! We can't accept our situation and cope with it unless we're able to talk about it.

EUGENE WOODS: It's how we'll understand everything that's happened.

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely. So, we're going to play you a song, and then we'll be back with some tales from the road.

EUGENE WOODS: Stay safe, listeners.

JACK HOLDEN: Stay safe, guys.

GARRETT: Hey there, guys. Uh, I'm not exactly sure this transmission will go through. Eh, regardless, I have a quick story you two might enjoy. So the other day I was casually avoiding getting my calves bitten off and I came across an overrun and trashed bar. Needless to say, looked like some down-and-out survivors got a bit, well, drunk. I guess the end of the world would be a good time as any to take up the bottle, right? [laughs] Yeah.

Well anyway, uh, they weren't too lucky, and then about five minutes after scavenging the place, I was getting chased by wobbly, unbalanced zoms. Guess turning into a zombie doesn't exactly sober one -

JACK HOLDEN: - up.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, you got cut off there, Garrett. We hope you're all right.

JACK HOLDEN: Pretty great story, though. Did you ever see any drunk zoms, Gene?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, actually, just before we met. A group of rugby players near a tour coach. It was kind of creepy, though. They could barely stand, but every few seconds, one would manage to stagger to its feet, make a few steps towards me, and stumble and faceplant right back down again.

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] Sounds hilarious to me.

EUGENE WOODS: It would have been, for sure, if it weren't for the tenacity of them, you know? Like the Terminator.

JACK HOLDEN: Mm. I see your point. Creepy.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Thanks for reminding me of that, Garrett.

SAMANTHA: Hi, my name's Samantha. If you guys are looking for stories, I've got one for you. Back at the beginning, we were hiding out inside of this school. Wasn't so bad. There was still food, and we barricaded inside the gymnasium. Baseball bats: very handy.

Anyway, this once, one zom almost got in, up to the shoulder. We managed to lop it off and get the door shut again, but the arm... no one wanted to touch it. It just laid there. And I guess we'd started to lose it, because it became sort of a pet. We named it. Aces and Eights, because um, it was a dead man's hand. [laughs] Yeah, we... we definitely lost it.

JACK HOLDEN: Boom, boom!

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] I love that joke.

JACK HOLDEN: It's a poker thing, right?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, a poker thing. I'll explain it later.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh great, I look forward to that turning into another tortuous bad beat story.

EUGENE WOODS: That? That is an essential part of any poker story.

JACK HOLDEN: I wish it wasn't. Anyway Samantha, great stuff. I hope you and Aces and Eights are still well.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. I hope you're not drawing dead.

JACK HOLDEN: I hate you.

[EUGENE WOODS laughs]

JENNY: Hi, Jack! Hi, Eugene! I just wanted to call up and say how much we all love your show. It's great to hear the radio playing again. Almost like the old days.

I'm Jenny. I was on holiday with my two girls up in the north at the time of the outbreak. We were staying in a log cabin in a holiday village. Someone must have got cut and bled into the swimming pool because virtually everyone in the place went down at the same time. We hadn't been using the pool because my youngest looked like she was going down with chicken pox, and we didn't want to infect anyone else. Ironic, eh? One minute we were in a holiday camp, next minute, a death camp, holed up in the restaurant kitchen with a few non-infected members of staff. Some holiday that was.

Um, if it's okay with you guys, I'd like to send a shoutout to my husband. Mark, if you're still out there somewhere, we're at your dad's old place. We're all fine. Missing you, though, obviously. Gabrielle's got her first wobbly tooth, and Anna's becoming a great cook. You'd be amazed at what she can do with some corned beef and lentils! Anyway, hope to see you again sometime. Love you.

EUGENE WOODS: Thanks for that, Jenny.

JACK HOLDEN: We're really glad you guys are safe.

EUGENE WOODS: Amen to that. Mark, if you're listening to this, buddy, you've got a wife and kids to get back to.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah. And you'd better let us know how great Anna's cooking is when you get there. Corned beef and lentils sounds delicious.

EUGENE WOODS: Jenny, Gabrielle, Anna, we hope Mark hears your message, and that he finds his way back to you soon. Until then, stay safe out there, guys.

JACK HOLDEN: Stay safe.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay. Hi, guys. Um, I'm back, on my own, because apparently something was so bloody urgent that Eugene's had to barge out of here with no warning, so... that's great. Thanks, Gene. Sometimes... I don't know. It's just... never mind. Sorry.

[sighs] I'm a bit wired. Sorry. Uh, none of us are really getting much sleep around here at the moment, and you know, it's just a bit much. But as Eugene says, if we're suffering, someone else is getting a break. I always like that idea -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Test, test, one two... Test, test, two three... Two, two -

JACK HOLDEN: Three.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jesus!

JACK HOLDEN: You're on air, idiot!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What?

JACK HOLDEN: I'm broadcasting! We are live. And in our airtime, too, according to your precious rota.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: How was I supposed to know that? Zoe said I had to come in to fill some dead air while she was resting.

JACK HOLDEN: Well, that's just bloody great, isn't it? Dead air? I'll give her dead air!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, what, you going to spend another two hours discussing which type of leaf is best for toilet paper? Better leave some [?] for the rest of us, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: That was - ! I cannot believe - !

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What? Cannot believe that you have any listeners at all? Because neither can I.

JACK HOLDEN: You - ! You had... That's it. I'm getting the Major. I'm done!

ZOE CRICK: Right. We're back.

EUGENE WOODS: Hello, everyone.

ZOE CRICK: So, it appears that due to the inability of certain people to play well with others -

JACK HOLDEN: Hey!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [?]

ZOE CRICK: Because of your blow-up on air, we've now all been issued an ultimatum.

EUGENE WOODS: Yes. It seems that neither the Major nor the Council take well to being pestered by – what was it?

ZOE CRICK: "The whinging complaints of some overgrown schoolchildren at a time like this." I think that was Janine, actually.

EUGENE WOODS: So, if we can't come to an agreement here, if we don't show that we can work together within the next five days, well, then...

ZOE CRICK: They're going to shut down the station and throw us all in the brig for a month.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Which is ridiculous.

JACK HOLDEN: Exactly.

ZOE CRICK: I don't know. I'd want to throw me in the brig if I'd been listening for the last few days. I say me, but really I mean Phil and Jack. I'm just trying to be tactful.

EUGENE WOODS: Yes. Zoe and I managed to work it out.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, bully for you.

EUGENE WOODS: So - ! So, the two of you should be able to as well. We should be an example here, guys. An example of how we can work together as two communities. Because if we don't, then what the hell is the point in all this rebuilding? We'll just blow ourselves apart again once the zoms are gone.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay.

EUGENE WOODS: I'm sorry?

JACK HOLDEN: Okay.

EUGENE WOODS: Good. Thank you.

ZOE CRICK: Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, yeah, okay. I'll give it a try.

ZOE CRICK: Good. Okay, listeners, so that's the situation. We've got a lot of work to do here, but we're going to try to get better at this. And we'll be back after this to explain how.

[gsmatthews95]

Oz: a recap

The time has come. It has been ten months in waiting but it had to come. It is with a slight twinge of sadness but an overpowering sense of excitement and happiness that I am leaving Australia on my way to Singapore. Which  is actually pretty ideal because I have a nice long 9 hour layover. There are very few occasions I would describe a 9 hour layover as "ideal" but this is one of them. Such a cool city. So much to do and see. And, apparently, it isn't even too big. So I'm hoping I should be able to DO/COMPLETE Singapore in a nice six hour stint, tick it off my list, add another pin to the map and tell everyone about how I've now basically completed Asia. Sick eh?. A wee bit more background before I delve into the meat of this potentially juicy post which I think I will compare to a fat fillet steak by comparison to the rest of my posts that I would say are more like coles BBQ sausages, 24 for $8... good value but not much substance. A good reference I reckon. So I'm currently on my flight. It is maybe 9am Aussie time and I am awake, not that tired, with very little to do in this flight as I went for the lost budget option (still pretty expenny). You have to pay 11 bucks for films, Ye right. Go do one scoot airlines. Urgh, absolute scandal for a 7 hour flight. No worries however. Gives me ample time to write an absolute Goliath of a blog post. Okay seriously guys stop cheering. It's distracting me and my brain flow you have to pay for food and entertainment. Not good. However, the there are two upsides to this flight with nothing to do, firstly it allows me to blog blog blog and the other upside of this prehistoric flight comfort is that it gives me a chance to register to Stephen Hawkins "a  brief history of time", what a bangin audiobook. Well bloody confusing but I feel cleverer listening to it. Although in the last nine months I have forgotten the vast, vast majority of it. All the better it's like a new book. I'm now not that excited however about my connecting flight to Berlin. 14 hours. 13 hours of no films, just sleep, urgh lame. I may find some more wee audiobooks. I'll tell you what, I may get the game Of thrones ones. They'd be immense, especially as I'm now a proper game of thrones loser (read loser as legend/fanatic).

This is what I mean, I have so much time to ramble this piece is gonna drag. Oo I have an idea. As I didn't have this blog for the majority of the trip should I go back and wrote posts for them? Hmmmm, that does kinda defeat the point of the blog though. I don't think I'll do that. the other nagging question is whether I carry on the blog for the next 3 months as I galavant around Europe. I think I should. You're welcome guys. I love you all too. Also sick that I'm using my British passport to its full extent before we F off out of Europe as part of brexit. Wooo freedom of movement. Cosmopolitan ideals, something we should probs all strive for as much as possible. However, I do think we probs made the right decision leaving the EU as most people who have spoken to me about it will know. This post is not about my political views however. Otherwise it would not be called holidaying. Maybe something like #Jezza4PM would be a better name for it if I were to become a political blogger slash activist. But I digress.

So as many of you may have gauged from speaking to me, reading this blog or merely by observing my Facebook presence. I have had an immense time. Even though my article about the ups and downs of travelling may have seemed a bit depressing, I can safely say the last ten months, yes that ten months, a long time, have been smashing. I am currently conflicted, in poor stylistic technique I have embarked upon this post without a plan. And now I am at a crossroads. Do I continue chronologically or thematically? I think I will stay true to convincing writing styles and go thematically. Let's push the boat out he he. Ok ok ok so I'll start with my hostels. I believe I do want to talk about them a little bit first.  To start, I have been in lots. Off the top of my head in Sydney alone I was in 7 separate hostels. Many for a week as I was forced to move because of the price increase, my bed being sold, being chucked out etc. But 3 main ones. Firstly, hump. What to say about this place. A mad house, a good outside smoking area, a room that stays open all night and a lot of sound people who I've seen since leaving Sydney too. One jack gawthorpe, I've seen in four separate places (who's stalking who...). My month or so there was heavy. There was always something going on, I have very fond memories. Secondly, dury house. As described by James, my friend who I took there one night: "that was literally a crack den". Yes James, but it was our crack den. With the roof that never closed and the never ending session, there was always something going on, whether it be 11am on a Sunday morning or 4am on a Friday night. And again some belter people, who again I've seen down the east coast. Thirdly, finally, and ultimately we had the palms. What a place. What a time. November-December 2017. The palms glory days. Clean hostel, nice kitchen, comfy beds, sound people, like a giant sharehouse it had the intimate feel that you knew everyone but was big enough to still be lots of fun. The palms massive made my first xmas away from home so fun and so comforting. Never forget. Loved everyone there, except dan obvs, I hate dan. Everyone else though, I love you. And the hostel. I'll give a quick shout out to bev and micks in Melbourne. Small, intimate, cosy and friendly. Not that exciting or fun but enjoyable for my three weeks. Plus it was the cheapest place around. However, barossa backpackers. Dirty, smelly, small, tiny kitchen, leaky fridges, small room, had to pay for wifi and in the middle of nowhere. Pretty crap hostel tbh. But as I was there for some time, working with and living with everyone. I had an unreal time. Even working in a potato factory. So much fun cause you're constantly with you're mates and chilling, I won't forget those few months in barossa. The hostels down the east coast were nice. Big and nice but with my motivation waiting and the fact that I was staying at each place for a few days I didn't really form much of a bond with many of them. The hostel is key to your experience. Regardless how long you are in a place for but especially if it's for the long term. And overall I think I did well with a only a few mistakes.

Work. Ok so work never went quite as I'd hoped before I came out to Australia. Maybe I was naive, maybe I just wasn't made for call centres. My one regret actually was not going in to construction in Sydney, making lots of money, doing easy work and finishing at 3:30 each day. I then could have done it all over oz as I'd have had experience and wouldn't have had to do some of my crap jobs. We live and learn, one of my bigger regrets I'd say. No hassle though, all has worked out well and I haven't been too low on money. But yes call centres and cold calling, not the job for me. Neither as it turns out is face to face fundraising. What I have learnt though is that there is no worse job than those and I now have sympathy for those doing it, I have the knowledge that I will never work in a job like that again and it has now given me a great  appreciation of any job that isn't that. Which was one reason I think I enjoyed the potatoes so much. Mainly because it was so easy and so much less depressing than my other jobs. Everyone constantly complained, I just smiled and said it could be worse. People said the job would break me. It never did. Smashing job, smashing people, smashing time. The worst of all these jobs though was the charity fundraising, I knew it would be but I just wanted 2-3 weeks work and it paid well. I lasted 1 week. Never again. The best job. Easy. Grape picking and wine making. It was so sick. I got a lot of hours, lots of free wine and food and learnt to make wine in the sun. Dream job. I even have a wine named after me, I'm gonna get a case delivered home of the 2018 vintage GSM lol. But that's enough about work after all it is a work holiday visa.

This part will be harder to split up do I discuss  specific experiences? Or parts of the journey. Oo I have an idea. Animals. I have devoted a few pieces to various animals but I haven't spoken about all of them. There are two that I will leave out though as they deserve their own piece. Australia, famous for its diverse and unique wildlife and I think I've done well in seeing a lot of it. And I got selfies with lots of them. Firstly I have fed and patted wild kangaroos and wallabies. So cute, they love carrots btw, not apples so much. One of the wallabies even had a tiny Joey in its pouch. Too much for my heart. They're great I loved em both. Then came the quokka. As many of you may have seen by my  Valentine's Day post devoted to this one. They are like giant rodents. Although they're not giant, and they're actually cute. I dunno how to describe them actually just look at my photo, well adorable. I will now move on to the dangerous segment of the list of animals, cause, as we all know, that's what oz is most famous for. Firstly, the red back spider, v venomous. Hannah (friend not sister) almost died as she entered his layer/graveyard and only just escaped with her life. I have also seen three wild snakes, woohoo. That was a real target. The python in the kitchen and the two cuties slithering across the path in Lichfield national park and the twelve (4) apostles. Now. The personal favourite. The crocs. There have been lots of crocs, none completely in the wild without a tour guide sadly, but the jumping crocs were wild and were damn sick. I even have a croc tooth necklace (sorry axel, Brutus and dominator). The one animal conspicuous by its absence I haven't seen though, sadly, a shark. Waaaaa I should have gone shark cage diving, ah it was too expensive anyway. I think I'll carry on with my sea critters vibe now for a few more. Next was the manta. MANTA MANTA MANTA. I saw lots in Indonesia but another at whitsundays. So big, graceful and noble. I love them, as everyone does, they're god personified in an animal I reckon.  I would like to be a manta ray. Next up dolphins. Not many and both times I saw them from a cliff. Not overly exciting mainly because I have been spoilt in the past both in cornwall And in the SAN blas when they swam with our boat, so very nice. My final sea dweller. Whales. Lots of humpbacks as I said in my Fraser Island piece. They are awesome, so big and majestic and loving. I would also like to be a whale. Sue me. I saw lots of camels too, they're funny I like camels teehee and dingos, they're so cute, not scary. I would like to chat to a dingo and befriend him. I love dingos. I think however, my proudest find and subsequent selfie was with the koalas. We found 8 on magnetic island. One barely 8 foot away. Perfect for a selfie. And I snapped it yay. They're such chillers too, I love koalas. I love animals actually. I also miss Rolland, I love you too Rolland!!!

So as to stop myself writing another dissertation I may make this the final para. And I'm going to try and be concise. My favourite moments. I won't describe them much but merely mention them. There's a variety of reasons why a moment could have been so great. Maybe where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. Who knows? Maybe I just felt at peace and the world felt right for a moment. Deep. And I'm not talking about every moment I sat down with a full box of goon. Ok ok seriously. The hump boat party. Both 1 and 2. Unreal, a boat party in the Sydney harbour, beers, mates, opera house, swimming, tunes, I won't ever forget those two days. My first moment seeing the extent of the blue mountains at the end of the garden of the nbb Jill and Richard had so kindly rented for us. A little ten minute walk and you were on the edge of the crator with the blue trees stretching out, I reckon I spent a couple of hours just sat there over the three days, peaceful. Sash, pretty much every sash, but one in particular when I'm pretty sure everyone I knew in Sydney was there. It was sunny and we boogied. I was having so much fun several separate people came and asked me if I sold drugs cause I was so deliriously happy. Oo also the sash it rained that was unreal, dancing in the rain with the boys, never forget. Two more from Sydney. The beach party, amazing. One of the best, if not the best day of my life. Music and goon on the beach, swimming as the sun set over the harbour bridge, so wicked. And finally xmas day. Singing for the Aussie prime minister with a broken voice having lost it the night before was something I will NEVER ever forget especially as I have the video of it all ahahahaha. We move on to mine and Hannis road trip. My first thought. The pinnacles. The pinnacles were sick, so random just a load of pointy rocks in the ground. I doubt two people have ever been so excited in one place. So funny. Also actually hannah, all of our carpool karaokes. They made your company bearable. Completing the 8km hike in kalbari was also a good moment as it was 30+ degrees and we had about two litres of water between us, stupid English. But we did it, I'm proud. Finally hanni, 100% when we chilled with Roos in morriset park for hours after Jill and richard basically laughed us down for going, v funny. A good afternoon. Days of our lives festival. Awesome, what a send off from Sydney. Dury house you did yourselves and me proud, cheers for convincing me to go xoxoxo. The whole outback trip was awesome, if I picked a few moments though... I reckon the first proper big fire was a great moment, and sorting out the car light that we couldn't turn off meaning we didn't have to take the fuse out every time we stopped the car, sheer happiness. Also getting in to alice springs. This may seem weird but I cannot explain how touchy everyone was, we needed food, civilisation, electricity, a shower and some goon. We got all of the above and spirits were restored. Also the natural springs were amazing. So beautiful, completely free and refreshing. Darwin, croc diving, easy, it was unreal. Spotting the koalas on magnetic island obvs was memorable. I want to pick some moments from Fraser but it was all so fun. If I had to pick a few though, I'd say the horse racing on the second night united everyone, we were all so into it and the crumbed sausage obvs haha. I have missed things out but when I look back on oz these are the things I feel stand out as specific moments but like I've said before travelling isn't just about the moments (sorry Alina) but the whole experience, what you feel and who you meet.

What a holiday. I am content with my time in oz. if I came back I'd change things but I'm happy just the way they went. It's been sick. Stay posted I have one more oz piece before we move to EUROPE yahoooooooo. This piece has literally killed at least two hours of my flight maybe even three. I have been very engrossed aha. But back to mr hawking for me. G.

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 6 "If Britney Spears Can Get Through 2007 The Villains Can Get Through Tribal Again" -Brian

Hey Alex.... Sad thing is was that I was fighting for you probably the hardest for the longest (hence the Raven crying pic), but then not only does your pal Richie decide to be a lunatic at tribal, but you also were making it quite hard.... I defended you to multiple people, but I can't do anything substantial if A) I don't hear from Linus myself about his potential swing vote and B) You tried to make a deal with Kage to force rocks and not tell me I liked you more than most of these people, but I can't work with someone who makes an alliance and then tries to force it in danger by accepting a selfish proposal to try and save only yourself and not your allies. I think it was just the way the cookie crumbled that it ended up this way....:L gl on the outside, I might be joining u soon.

Where is Nic asking for confessionals when we need him? :P I'm really sad that Alex is gone, I wanted to work closely with he and Richie, so it sucks that he's not around but I'm hoping that Richie and I can work together before too long. Right now I just want to make jury and once I accomplish that I'll feel better! 

What happens when you bring together the 13 most messy, paranoid, villains? Kyoaku? Kyaoku? Kayoaku? Koyaku? I have no clue how to spell out name. But anyway, you get us Also, one more thing FUCK RICHIE FUCK LINUS FUCK JONATHAN

We win again... woohoo. Not anything different, but the more important part of this round is that I couldn't figure out how finding the idol went, since I'm pretty inexperienced, and honestly would've never figured that out, so I asked Steffen for help, and he goes ahead and just punches in a magic word into a url, and he found the idol and is now choosing to not give it to me, after it being all me who found it for us. I am clearly trusting Steffen for now, but I know he is a VERY smart player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he fucked me over at the end of the day, but I get a strong feeling that he won't do it to me. I just don't think he would, and if he did, it'd probably be one of the shadiest moves that could be pulled, but I'm also not trying to use this thing y'know. It'd be killer if I found it, figured everything out, and Steffen just punched in the URL, and he needed it to save himself and I didn't need it at all. My only concern is if one of us is holding onto it, and then the other needs it played on them, then that's going to leave the person playing the idol VERY vulnerable, but that's something we're just going to have to roll with, and going back to my previous point, if we even need to use this thing, it's a sign of weakness, but also a great tool for us to have in our back pockets. 

People are constantly criticizing my game but messy or not, when it comes down to it, my social game has saved me 3 times in a row now

crow and sarah can eat the entirety of my ass tbh GOD i hate being on a tribe with these people.... after the mess that was the rocks scenario crow came to me and was like "have you talked to alex he has a plan for an alliance" and i went to alex and said ".....crow and sarah didnt they just vote you out?" and he was like "they came to me my dude" so whatever i never trusted them because sarah was sketchy about the hinky vote against me at the rocks tribal... BUT i thought okay theres no reason for them to go thru all this trouble if they were just going to vote out me or alex like we're at the bottom no reason to string us along i guess we could come together vote out kage this one round and from there maybe a unified tribe would allow for more moves for me in the upcoming rounds.... but shortly before tribal brian comes to me and is like im voting out alex i dont want there to be a tie bc crow and sarah are voting alex so im like okay theyre votes are already in for alex and you cant change votes this wont cause IMMEDIATE consequences and im going to need alex still here to back me up for this so 15 minutes before tribal i start WW3 asdfjhasfk i call out sarah and crow for the alliance and for sarah blaming junior for the hinky vote against me blah blah more goes down i say more things alex says things they say things everythings a mess and im just trying to paint the image that those 2 are liars and expose them just in the off chance that someone believes me and has an ounce of doubt against them bc with alex leaving and those 2 lying about it i was alone on this tribe anyway with no real social connections so id be gone next tribal.....but of course we lost the duel immediately after alex was voted out and i went crazy so i dont really have the time to do damage control at this point now its just campaigning which is going to be.................difficult i already went to junior kage and tommy with some campaigning last night but idk im going to need a miracle or someone to realize that i'm an asset that can be used like anyone who saves me right now gains an ally that has no other connections besides them so im prime numbers material in arabia i played such an under the radar social game where even when i backstabbed people and voted everyone out (except ting ting RIP) and i still got them to vote for me in the end bc i formed relationships and remained a likable positive quiet game player.... in this game.... BITCH i'm JT the winner that should have just played once because they just blow up their game from being extra in the next go around 

okay remember the last time i wrote a confessional i was in the mindset of i know i'm going down but i'm going to do everything in my power to stay? well fuck that i swear to god i'd rather be voted out than ever have to have another conversation with tommy again i have never met anyone who is more infuriating to speak to and i CANT DO IT I"D RATHER BE VOTED OUT ITS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!    

On 9/6/17, at 6:28 PM, cat (japan host) wrote: > okay FIRST it all started when i woke up and had to live another day Honestly I'm Cat

Hey I haven't been here in a while because we literally haven't lost since Mist. Not that there haven't been any developments, because their have been! It's just that the villains suck booty. And they're losing their 5th person in a row tonight. I wasn't really pressed about any of the eliminations other then Jaiden. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to work with him, but I was able to get quite a bit of info out of him. And now my outlet for villain tea is kinda gone. And the fact that I was in Canada all last weekend didn't help me in finding a villain tea substitute. BUT with all of them dropping like flies, it's hard to tell who would be a good candidate :') Other than Jaiden, we saw Ashley go which is fine because she's from India and I want them dead. Alex S went too so that's a thing. I feel like I need to really start messaging some of these villains to gain a connection - whether we swap any time soon or not there's an inevitable merge that there's a chance I could be at. The problem is though, I don't wanna really talk to any of them asdfghjk. Tommy and Sarah sketch me out, Brian and I are not on good terms, and while Linus and Kage could be chaotic and spill shit, I don't wanna get caught up in their messes. That leaves Richie, Junior, and Jonathan. Which obviously one of these 8 is going tonight, so I won't start messaging until after the tribal. I'm still skeptical of a swap and I'm hoping one doesn't happen so I can utilize getting close to the villains that I want to before we ACTUALLY meet up with them. But as for tea on the hero side, there's an obvious conflict on who we would hypothetically take out if we go to tribal. With 12 of us, we need 7 so someone isn't Jaiden'd. The main argument is whether to go for a Malaysian or to just take out Steffen. The thing is, I've been getting really close to Johnny and I think he trusts me. And he wants to bring in Steffen for a strong Solomon 5. Now, I don't want that to last forever seeing as I want Steffen gone soon anyway. But I think we need him for one round. Because the Malaysia/India hybrid duo of Kendall and Alex is a major problem. And Drew is someone who is just a massive threat to begin with. But Isaac still just wants Steffen gone. And he doesn't think that we could take out someone like Kendall or effectively take out Alex with Pippa being close to him. HERE'S THE GAG THOUGH! I talked to Pippa for a little bit one on one today, and she is totally down with taking out Kendall or Alex. The thing is, they both seem a little bit checked out. Kendall has 2 strikes, and Alex has kinda died out since his audition. Which... I absolutely feel for them if they're dealing with real life struggle. But at the same time if they're not gonna be super invested and if one of them already has 2 strikes then I won't question voting them out. So if Isaac knows Pippa is down to come for one of them, then we have the Solomon 5 already. Then it comes down to the outliers of Dom, Trace, Ruthie, and Ashton. I know Pippa and Johnny both really like Dom separately. Isaac likes Trace. I personally like Ashton but dunno how long we could trust him because he seems like he could have a chaotic side to him. And then there's Ruthie who I just would prefer not to really work with long term because she's such a social threat, and if we swap or get to merge way down the line or whatever and Ruthie is there, I feel like she's someone villains would definitely flock to for a potential number because she's so social and kind. And I know girl can be a flipper. So this just comes down to who do we wanna take out, and getting enough people on the same page for my own agenda. Because at the end of the day this is to benefit MY agenda the most. Isaac wants out Steffen still, and I was already able to talk Pippa out of going for Drew first. If we could get a Malaysia/India person out, then Drew, then Steffen, that would be the most optimal. Will it happen? Probably not just because that's so specific. However, it is still at least an outline that I would like to ATTEMPT trying to follow.

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Two

Part 2a of 6

This section contains variations depending on the percentage of morale in your base builder.

If your base morale is GREATER than 50%, continue reading. If your base morale is LESS than 50%, read Part 2b.

Affected clips are indicated by italics.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't get what you think's so wrong about it.

ZOE CRICK: So you do the same in the same order every single morning.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, and?

ZOE CRICK: Brush your teeth, five minutes. Wash your face, one minute. Boil some water, two minutes. Dunk the tea bag one minute thirty-five seconds precisely.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yup. Thirty-five seconds makes the best cuppa. As long as you put the milk in first.

ZOE CRICK: Of course! You'd be an idiot not to.

ESTEBAN SOSA: Zoe, Philip.

ZOE CRICK: Esteban -

ESTEBAN SOSA: I'm so very sorry to interrupt.

ZOE CRICK: No, it's fine. I'm sure our listeners would agree that we really, really weren't talking about anything important.

ESTEBAN SOSA: Yes. We must prioritize. On top of our agenda has been this radio situation. Major De Santa is not happy that you're pushing Radio Abel from the airwaves.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's not our fault they went off the air! We didn't blow up Abel.

ESTEBAN SOSA: True, Philip. However, Radio New Tomorrow is now blocking the Abel frequency. I think maybe we can agree that this is your fault.

ZOE CRICK: Fault's a bit harsh -

ESTEBAN SOSA: You're right, of course. We should be looking for synergies, not conflicts. Brand merges rather than brand wars. This is why the Permanent Advisory Council has decided on a joint broadcast.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The Permanent Advisory Council wants us to - ?

ESTEBAN SOSA: - has decided, yes.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Well, um... stay tuned, listeners. We'll be back after this. I think.

ZOE CRICK: Great song! One of my top ten guilty pleasures.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Welcome back, ci-ti-zens. So, yeah. If you've just tuned in, there's been some big changes around here. Joining us all the way from Abel, we've got Jack and -

JACK HOLDEN: Hey guys! We're back! Woohoo!

EUGENE WOODS: Hello everyone! Boy, it's good to be back, wouldn't you say, Jack?

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - Jack and Eugene. Back on the airwaves for the new improved Radio New Tomorrow, now with added Abel. Lucky us.

ZOE CRICK: Anyway, before you joined us on the air, we were talking about routine. Right, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right.

ZOE CRICK: Phil's a big fan of routine. Not a big fan of change, are you, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I'm not.

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, routine's very important, isn't it, Jack?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, without a doubt, Gene.

EUGENE WOODS: Without routine, we'd be no better than animals.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, I don't know. Animals have routines, don't they?

EUGENE WOODS: Like what?

JACK HOLDEN: Like -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't get off on a tangent. We don't do tangents on Radio New Tomorrow.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh.

EUGENE WOODS: It wasn't really a tangent, it was more -

ZOE CRICK: We totally do tangents on Radio New Tomorrow! We might as well call it Radio Tangent.

JACK HOLDEN: Tangents are good, anyway. Routines... yeah, routine's fine and all, but when the world's going crazy...

EUGENE WOODS: Like if you're a survivor of the zombie apocalypse -

JACK HOLDEN: - surrounded by the living dead -

EUGENE WOODS: - never knowing when you might have to run for your life or kill one of your closest friends -

ZOE CRICK: Then it might be important to stay flexible. All right, let's play some music.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't care how many listeners you think you have. That doesn't change the principle -

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, get down from your high horse, Phil, for God's sakes! You know you're squatting this frequency at best. You swooped in here while you thought we were gone, and -

JACK HOLDEN: While they thought I was dead!

EUGENE WOODS: While you thought Jack was dead! And then you started -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And then what? We were supposed to just leave that incredibly annoying recording running until, uh, the end of time?

ZOE CRICK: He has got a point.

JACK HOLDEN: Why didn't you just start fresh on a new channel?

EUGENE WOODS: Exactly! You just wanted to poach our listeners.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It is not about the listeners!

ZOE CRICK: Guys -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not now!

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, it's not about the listeners, he says!

JACK HOLDEN: That's rich!

ZOE CRICK: Guys!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What?

EUGENE WOODS: What?

ZOE CRICK: Um, the song ended about a minute ago.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Damn it! This is your fault.

EUGENE WOODS: Me? The music's playing from your end!

JACK HOLDEN: For God's sake.

EUGENE WOODS: [sighs] Okay, listeners. Sorry about that.

JACK HOLDEN: Yes. Please accept our sincere apologies for the conduct of our substitutes.

EUGENE WOODS: Don't worry, though. We've come to an agreement to avoid any further... difficulties.

JACK HOLDEN: Yep. Uh, the new plan is that we'll be on a rota from now on.

EUGENE WOODS: So sometimes you'll get us -

JACK HOLDEN: And then, unfortunately, sometimes you'll be stuck with those guys.

EUGENE WOODS: It can't be changed.

JACK HOLDEN: If it could, we would.

EUGENE WOODS: Indeed. But hey, at least we're back, even if it's only for part of the time.

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely. And to celebrate the fact, here's some music from your very favorite radio DJs.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Stay safe out there, guys.

JACK HOLDEN: Okie dokie! Uh, we're back with you, and it's time for something we haven't done in a little while.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Well, we haven't really done any of this in a little while.

JACK HOLDEN: I mean... yeah, okay, but well, this is something we haven't done in an even littler while.

EUGENE WOODS: What?

JACK HOLDEN: It's been longer since we did this.

EUGENE WOODS: Well, why didn't you just say that?

JACK HOLDEN: Trying to keep the patter going?

EUGENE WOODS: Failing miserably?

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, yeah. Man.

EUGENE WOODS: Anyway, we're just going to give you a bit of an update on what's going on in and around Abel, where you can find shelter, where you can trade, and where you should avoid at all costs.

JACK HOLDEN: It's useful information, guys, so stay with us.

EUGENE WOODS: We'll be right back.

EUGENE WOODS: All right then, Jack, how's it looking out there?

JACK HOLDEN: Well first off, I want to say thanks to all our contributors on Rofflenet who've been feeding us this info since we came back on the air.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, thanks a bunch, everyone. We really couldn't do this without you.

JACK HOLDEN: Not at all. You guys rock! Especially everyone at the New Times, which is bringing journalism back from the dead.

EUGENE WOODS: You really just won't quit with the zombie puns, will you?

JACK HOLDEN: [laugh] Nope.

EUGENE WOODS: Just when you thought they were dead -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, hey, don't step to me!

EUGENE WOODS: - they keep coming back.

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] You're the worst!

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, don't sell yourself short. Anyway guys, here's the news. You ready?

JACK HOLDEN: Take it away!

EUGENE WOODS: Okay, so long time listeners to our show will remember our friends over at Phoenix Comics. Well, they've been back in touch to let us know that they've expanded, and now control the whole of Hemmins Town Square.

JACK HOLDEN: Nice work, guys.

EUGENE WOODS: Keep on fighting the good fight. They also wanted to let all of you know that they're accepting any able-bodied folks looking for a safe place to stay. You'll have to be prepared to work on their farm and help with their reconstruction efforts, but they're offering hot water, clean housing, and fresh meat twice a month.

JACK HOLDEN: Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Do you think they'll want a radio host?

JACK HOLDEN: Don't you mean two?

EUGENE WOODS: Oh. Oh jeez, this is awkward... uh, yeah, you're not invited. Sorry, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: [gasps] ... listeners, I'm going to have a word with Eugene in private about other peoples' feelings and how they should be respected and not hurt like a big mean-head.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Don't be so soft!

JACK HOLDEN: Mean-head!

JACK HOLDEN: Groovy.

EUGENE WOODS: Groovy?

JACK HOLDEN: Yup! That was a groovy song.

EUGENE WOODS: Well, I'm hip to that, brother.

JACK HOLDEN: [snorts] Dork.

EUGENE WOODS: Says you. What's next on our list?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh... oh! Well, to follow our hot tip about the nicest place south of Gretna, we've got a big old warning for you all now.

EUGENE WOODS: Oh wow, this sounds nasty.

JACK HOLDEN: Yep. Um, everyone pay attention. We've received reports that there's been an explosion at an old warehouse up near Hayfield.

EUGENE WOODS: Generator malfunction is what I heard.

JACK HOLDEN: Me too. Uh, there were a few people holed up there, unfortunately, but the important thing's what happened next.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Apparently, the warehouse used to be owned by some big cleaning company.

JACK HOLDEN: And a couple of hundred gallons of bleach floor cleaner and other nasty chemicals have leaked into the nearby river.

EUGENE WOODS: This is really bad news, guys, so whatever you do, do not drink water from the Dundrennan river.

JACK HOLDEN: We're serious about this, guys. Stay away from the Dundrennan unless you've got a death wish.

EUGENE WOODS: This is so serious, we're not going to even make any witty remarks about the situation. We're just going to remind you: do not drink from the Dundrennan.

JACK HOLDEN: And now here's a song.

EUGENE WOODS: All right, guys. Now, to wrap things up for this feature, we're going to get down and dirty with a quick shoutout to all the new green zones we've been hearing about. Take it away, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: E.B. Park is clean. They've got a nice butterfly house, remember?

EUGENE WOODS: I believe you're right. Also, Elan Amphitheater is clean.

JACK HOLDEN: Big up to the folks down there. Not an easy job.

EUGENE WOODS: The Ellis Stone Estate, clear of zoms.

JACK HOLDEN: Pendleton Heights, clear of zoms.

EUGENE WOODS: And finally, Venture Plaza.

JACK HOLDEN: Phew! Well, I'm glad to hear things are going so well.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, well, let's hope they all stay clear for a while.

JACK HOLDEN: Totally. Uh, we could certainly do with some more good news.

EUGENE WOODS: And some more good tunes!

JACK HOLDEN: You read my mind. Right back after this.

JACK HOLDEN: All righty, guys, it's now time for us to sign off and hand you back to the B team.

EUGENE WOODS: But before we go, we just have a quick tip to share with you all.

JACK HOLDEN: We do! Uh, this is the latest thing from the folks over at the New Times.

EUGENE WOODS: It's all the rage right now. You see, listeners, since the whole zombie... invasion?

JACK HOLDEN: Kerfuffle?

EUGENE WOODS: Mishegoss.

JACK HOLDEN: Ooh.

EUGENE WOODS: Cool. Since the whole zombie mishegoss, it's become increasingly difficult to keep track of your friends.

JACK HOLDEN: Where they are, what they're doing.

EUGENE WOODS: Right, so the guys over at the NT have -

ZOE CRICK: Right, time's up.

JACK HOLDEN: What?

EUGENE WOODS: Hey!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We've been waiting twenty minutes for you to finish so we can get on.

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, it's actually only been seven minutes.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's not the point! We had an agreement. If these two would stick to the script -

ZOE CRICK: I don't get the impression they actually have a script.

JACK HOLDEN: I beg your pardon! We plan our broadcasts very carfully, thank you very much!

EUGENE WOODS: Well, apart from the, uh -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, yeah, apart from that. That is -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The point is, the rota we agreed on isn't working -

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, come on, Phil, don't be that guy! Don't -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What guy?

JACK HOLDEN: The rota guy! Don't – don't do that to us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I am not Rota Guy.

JACK HOLDEN: [mockingly imitates PHIL CHEESEMAN] "Nah nah nah, I'm Phil. Rota rota rota!"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listen, you fa-

[JACK HOLDEN shouts]

ZOE CRICK: Whoa!

[three ascending synthesizer notes play, a echoing voice whispers, "New Tomorrow"]

EUGENE WOODS: Okay. Now, things got a little heated, there -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Why did you interrupt me?

JACK HOLDEN: Why did I interrupt a complete tool using a homophobic slur?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hey, I wasn't - !

EUGENE WOODS: Jack, easy!

ZOE CRICK: We all need to calm down.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm not a homophobe!

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, you were about to call me -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - a fat idiot. A fat idiot. That's what I was going to call you! "You fat idiot!"

JACK HOLDEN: Oh. Oh, sorry. ... I'm not fat!

EUGENE WOODS: Okay, okay. Everyone, let's just take a minute, okay?

ZOE CRICK: You know what I think our problem is? We've got a jingle, and you haven't.  

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Really? You think that's the problem.

ZOE CRICK: Yes. So, as a fence-building exercise – oh, hold on. Do I sound like Esteban?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes.

ZOE CRICK: As an olive branch, I thought I'd do you guys your very own jingle.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But you can't sing, or play an instrument. You're tone deaf.

ZOE CRICK: I didn't say it would be a good jingle.

EUGENE WOODS: I can hardly wait. We'll be back after this.

[accompanied by an electronic keyboard melody and shaker percussion beat, ZOE CRICK sings, "Jack and Eugene are... Radio Abel!"

ZOE CRICK: That's it! In my defense, I didn't have much time, and as Phil pointed out, I am tone deaf.

EUGENE WOODS: No, no, it was great. Thanks a lot.

JACK HOLDEN: Ugh. Sounded like a deodorant advert from the 70s.

EUGENE WOODS: Jack!

ZOE CRICK: Thanks.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, sorry. That came out harsher than I thought it would.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Maybe try thinking before you speak next time.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, and what would you know about that?

EUGENE WOODS: All right, all right! Jeez, enough. I need some air. Zoe, thank you for the song. Phil, the floor is yours. We'll try not to overrun so much next time.

ZOE CRICK: Sure.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Goodbye! So nice of you to stop in.

ZOE CRICK: Phil! Just... oh God, just play a song, would you?

Note: the next three clips contain spoilers for S2M11, “The Kids Are Alright”

ZOE CRICK: If you've just tuned in, today's a special broadcast just for Jamie's rugrats.

PHIL CHEESEMAN and ZOE CRICK simultaneously: Hi, kids!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right now, it's the art competition! We asked you to draw a picture of an important place, person, or animal. Jamie's sent them all in for us to pick some of our favorites.

ZOE CRICK: This is great. I feel just like Tony Hart. It's time for the gallery. [hums theme tune]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] They're at primary school, Zoe. They don't know who Tony Hart was. I didn't know who he was until you started going on and on and on about him. [out loud] First up, there's Tasha, aged seven. She's sent us a picture of -

ZOE CRICK: I think that might be Jamie. I didn't know he had three legs and bright blue skin, but -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh yes, Tasha's written it on. It's a lovely picture of Jamie. That's great, Tasha! You're very talented.

ZOE CRICK: Six year old Eric has sent us a picture of what's definitely a horse. And I think that's him riding it. You've got a very realistic sense of motion there, Eric, I have to say. That horse definitely looks like it's galloping, which makes sense, because you've drawn three zombies chasing it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And this is from... oh.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, that's... Jamie, if you're listening, I think little Alison might need a hug. Or a very good therapist. Actually, probably both, unless you really have been reading the children the collected works of HP Lovecraft, in which case, well done, Alison! That does look exactly look like Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, kiddos, this song's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Now, we've heard that Runner Fifty-Three's found sixteen whole packets of rice krispies, so we thought it'd be fun to learn how to make rice krispie cakes! Apart from the rice krispies, you're going to need, uh... two ounces of unsalted butter. Yeah, that could be a problem. Do you think lard would do instead?

ZOE CRICK: How would I know? I once set fire to spaghetti. I don't mean I burned it. It was actually aflame.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, lard's fat, isn't it? And Abel's got a whole van full of it. Uh, let's say two ounces of lard. You're also going to need golden syrup, or honey if you haven't got golden syrup. And if you haven't got any honey, I suppose anything sweet will do. And then... yeah, the chocolate's going to be a problem as well.

ZOE CRICK: Instant coffee powder?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't be an idiot.

ZOE CRICK: But it is brown. And Runner Five just found a supermarket full of it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know what, kiddos? Why don't you all just have a lovely bowl of rice krispies.

ZOE CRICK: Is there any milk?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: A lovely dry bowl of rice krispies.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's the moment you've all been waiting for: question time. This was Jamie's idea. He got you to write down all those confusing things you don't understand, and we're going to explain them to you. Isn't that fun?

ZOE CRICK: Because, he says - and I quote – "It'll stop the little monsters asking me the same thing over and over and over again."

Our first question is from Jordan, and Jordan's asking, "Why is the sky blue?" Well, it's because the atmosphere refracts the different wavelengths of light, and -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's because that's the color the unicorns painted it.

ZOE CRICK: It's – what?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We all know it's the unicorns' job to paint the sky, and blue is their favorite color, Zoe. Next question.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Okay. Jasper wants to know where babies come from. That's easy. It's when two people have sex without protection -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: When a man gives a woman he loves a very special hug.

ZOE CRICK: Of course it is. Aaron's asking why mommy and daddy had to go away and leave him alone, Phil. Perhaps you'd like to answer that one, too. I'm sure unicorns must have been involved somehow. Rather than, you know, zombies.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's because sometimes bad things happen to good people, Aaron, and that's very sad. But your mommy and daddy loved you very, very much, and every time you smile, they'll be smiling right back at you from heaven.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. That's right, Aaron. You listen to what Phil's telling you. He's not always as stupid as he sounds. Your mommy and daddy are watching over you, and they asked me to play this song specially for you.

[EUGENE WOODS and ZOE CRICK speak simultaneously]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh man, I love that song!

ZOE CRICK: Dear God, I hate that song!

[characters take turns speaking]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, sorry.

ZOE CRICK: Hi. Sorry about that.

EUGENE WOODS: No, uh. No, it's uh... Jack's helping Janine with something, and uh...

ZOE CRICK: Yeah uh, Phil's out, too. Feeling a bit useless?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. [laughs] Me, too.

[EUGENE WOODS and ZOE CRICK speak simultaneously]

ZOE CRICK: So, uh -

EUGENE WOODS: Anyway -

[characters take turns speaking]

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Again!

EUGENE WOODS: Sorry.

ZOE CRICK: It's weird how you just get into a rhythm, isn't it?

EUGENE WOODS: Totally! And you know, that gets thrown off really easily.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah.

EUGENE WOODS: I mean, Jack, he can be a real doofus, but...

ZOE CRICK: You two work well together, I'll give you that.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Yeah, we do. And you and Phil?

ZOE CRICK: Well, he's an idiot, obviously.

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: But God help me, [laughs] I guess I'm stuck with him.

EUGENE WOODS: They're idiots, but they're our idiots.

ZOE CRICK: [giggles] Yeah. Maybe that should be the Fraternal Alliance's new motto.

EUGENE WOODS: Hey, how about a song?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, sounds good.

EUGENE WOODS: Now, you may not know this one...

ZOE CRICK: Hey, that was actually all right.

EUGENE WOODS: Thanks. You know, I play base on that one.

ZOE CRICK: Seriously?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, but I got fired pretty soon afterwards. They couldn't handle how funky I was.

ZOE CRICK: That must have been hard on you.

EUGENE WOODS: No, I'm uh... I was joking. ... Oh.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Come on.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, okay.

ZOE CRICK: You know, we don't have our senses of humor surgically removed when we move into New Canton. I mean, I didn't. I can't speak for Phil.

EUGENE WOODS: No, no, I mean... Look. We sort of -

ZOE CRICK: - got off on the wrong foot?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. This hasn't been the easiest time for us, you know, and -

ZOE CRICK: - it didn't help that you came back to find someone else had been keeping your chairs warm.

EUGENE WOODS: No.

ZOE CRICK: It's not like we did it to spite you guys.

EUGENE WOODS: No, of course not. Listen, uh, I'll have a word with Jack, and you know, we'll try and give you guys a little bit more space in the future.

ZOE CRICK: Maybe we could do a show together sometime. [laughs] How badly wrong can it go?

EUGENE WOODS: Apocalyptically badly?

ZOE CRICK: Still, let's give it a shot.

EUGENE WOODS: If we can get Jack and Phil to behave.

ZOE CRICK: Apparently, miracles do happen. [laughs]

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Yeah, all right. Time for a song?

ZOE CRICK: Sounds good. Here's one you might not have heard.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay. Now, we've been looking forward to playing these to you guys.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. When we asked you all to get in touch a while ago, we were really hoping this is what we'd get.

JACK HOLDEN: We're about to play you all a series of stories from other listeners to Radio Abel. Now, I think it's really important for us to tell our stories, to share them and understand what it was that we've all been through these past months.

EUGENE WOODS: It's part of the healing process.

JACK HOLDEN: Right, exactly! We can't accept our situation and cope with it unless we're able to talk about it.

EUGENE WOODS: It's how we'll understand everything that's happened.

JACK HOLDEN: Absolutely. So, we're going to play you a song, and then we'll be back with some tales from the road.

EUGENE WOODS: Stay safe, listeners.

JACK HOLDEN: Stay safe, guys.

GARRETT: Hey there, guys. Uh, I'm not exactly sure this transmission will go through. Eh, regardless, I have a quick story you two might enjoy. So the other day I was casually avoiding getting my calves bitten off and I came across an overrun and trashed bar. Needless to say, looked like some down-and-out survivors got a bit, well, drunk. I guess the end of the world would be a good time as any to take up the bottle, right? [laughs] Yeah.

Well anyway, uh, they weren't too lucky, and then about five minutes after scavenging the place, I was getting chased by wobbly, unbalanced zoms. Guess turning into a zombie doesn't exactly sober one -

JACK HOLDEN: - up.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, you got cut off there, Garrett. We hope you're all right.

JACK HOLDEN: Pretty great story, though. Did you ever see any drunk zoms, Gene?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, actually, just before we met. A group of rugby players near a tour coach. It was kind of creepy, though. They could barely stand, but every few seconds, one would manage to stagger to its feet, make a few steps towards me, and stumble and faceplant right back down again.

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] Sounds hilarious to me.

EUGENE WOODS: It would have been, for sure, if it weren't for the tenacity of them, you know? Like the Terminator.

JACK HOLDEN: Mm. I see your point. Creepy.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. Thanks for reminding me of that, Garrett.

SAMANTHA: Hi, my name's Samantha. If you guys are looking for stories, I've got one for you. Back at the beginning, we were hiding out inside of this school. Wasn't so bad. There was still food, and we barricaded inside the gymnasium. Baseball bats: very handy.

Anyway, this once, one zom almost got in, up to the shoulder. We managed to lop it off and get the door shut again, but the arm... no one wanted to touch it. It just laid there. And I guess we'd started to lose it, because it became sort of a pet. We named it. Aces and Eights, because um, it was a dead man's hand. [laughs] Yeah, we... we definitely lost it.

JACK HOLDEN: Boom, boom!

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] I love that joke.

JACK HOLDEN: It's a poker thing, right?

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah, a poker thing. I'll explain it later.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh great, I look forward to that turning into another tortuous bad beat story.

EUGENE WOODS: That? That is an essential part of any poker story.

JACK HOLDEN: I wish it wasn't. Anyway Samantha, great stuff. I hope you and Aces and Eights are still well.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. I hope you're not drawing dead.

JACK HOLDEN: I hate you.

[EUGENE WOODS laughs]

JENNY: Hi, Jack! Hi, Eugene! I just wanted to call up and say how much we all love your show. It's great to hear the radio playing again. Almost like the old days.

I'm Jenny. I was on holiday with my two girls up in the north at the time of the outbreak. We were staying in a log cabin in a holiday village. Someone must have got cut and bled into the swimming pool because virtually everyone in the place went down at the same time. We hadn't been using the pool because my youngest looked like she was going down with chicken pox, and we didn't want to infect anyone else. Ironic, eh? One minute we were in a holiday camp, next minute, a death camp, holed up in the restaurant kitchen with a few non-infected members of staff. Some holiday that was.

Um, if it's okay with you guys, I'd like to send a shoutout to my husband. Mark, if you're still out there somewhere, we're at your dad's old place. We're all fine. Missing you, though, obviously. Gabrielle's got her first wobbly tooth, and Anna's becoming a great cook. You'd be amazed at what she can do with some corned beef and lentils! Anyway, hope to see you again sometime. Love you.

EUGENE WOODS: Thanks for that, Jenny.

JACK HOLDEN: We're really glad you guys are safe.

EUGENE WOODS: Amen to that. Mark, if you're listening to this, buddy, you've got a wife and kids to get back to.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah. And you'd better let us know how great Anna's cooking is when you get there. Corned beef and lentils sounds delicious.

EUGENE WOODS: Jenny, Gabrielle, Anna, we hope Mark hears your message, and that he finds his way back to you soon. Until then, stay safe out there, guys.

JACK HOLDEN: Stay safe.

JACK HOLDEN: Well, uh... greetings, dear listeners. Uh, welcome back to Jack in the Shack! [laughs] This is our semi-regular segment where I witter on about nothing and do terrible impressions of stand-up comedians whenever Eugene has to leave for one reason or another.

You know, I'm not really sure where the hell he went. Dashed off in a right hurry during that song like it was the most important thing in the world. Anyway, uh, I've got a little routine I've been saving up for an occasion just like this. [paper rustles] One second, just have to find it...

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, ci-ti-zens, and welcome to today's broadcast from Radio New Tomorrow. Zoe can't join us today, so -

JACK HOLDEN: Hey, hey, ocupado!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, sorry. Uh, Zoe said I should jump on to fill some dead air.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh. Really. Well, this is awkward.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [humorless laugh] Just a bit.

JACK HOLDEN: Eugene ran off as well. Didn't – didn't say where.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, Zoe didn't say where she was, either.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh. Oh my God, do you think they're together?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I, uh... I doubt it. You know, because um...

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, yeah, all that zombie-filled wasteland between here and there. Silly old me.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. That. Listen, Jack, I uh, had a think, and uh, I just wanted to say, you know, I understand why you overreacted the other day.

JACK HOLDEN: Overreacted?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I mean, I get why you'd be sensitive about that. Even if I wasn't going to say it, I guess lots of other people have. So I'm sorry I upset you.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh. Uh, sure. Thanks. Hey, do you want to hear my impression of Louis C.K.?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, do you play trumpet?

JACK HOLDEN: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: He was a trumpeter, wasn't he?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, no no no, that's uh, that's Louis Armstrong.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh! [laughs] That's funny.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah. So, you want to stick around for a bit? I've got an idea.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, uh... yeah, okay.

JACK HOLDEN: Sweet! Let's have some music on.

JACK HOLDEN: All right, ready?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, ready.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay. Welcome back to Jack in the Shack, where we've got a special guest today! He's a rising star on the Wasteland Comedy Circuit, and he's here today to give us a preview of his hit routine. Please put your hands together for Phil!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Thank you! Thank you! Thanks a lot. How are you doing tonight, ci-ti-zens? Listen, I um, I was on my way over here, and I noticed something - you know, have you noticed this? - how New Canton runners run like this: [imitates runner breathing and military tone] "On target. Hostiles in-bound. Location secure." But then Abel runners run like this: [imitates out of shape runner breathing] "Oh! Oh, my feelings!" [JACK HOLDEN laughs in background] "Lord, I can't believe he said that about that to him! I mean, did you hear that? I just - my emotions!"

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] We do talk like that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And then – have you seen this? Have you noticed this? - how Abel makes decisions like this: [imitates leadership tone] "I'm in charge, chaps, and this is the plan." But then New Canton makes decisions like this: "Oh, let's have a double subcommittee round robin discussion to shortlist options on how to debate the decision, and then not do anything at all and end up with no hot water."

JACK HOLDEN: [laughs] Zing! Right on the nose.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Thanks a lot, citizens, and good night! I'm here for the rest of my life. Tip your runners.

JACK HOLDEN: Phil, everybody! I'm going to go find Eugene, and then we'll be right back. Here's a song.

JACK HOLDEN: Everyone ready?

EUGENE WOODS: Yup.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ready.

ZOE CRICK: I'm good.

JACK HOLDEN: Great. Eugene?

EUGENE WOODS: Okay. Hello to all our dedicated listeners and to all the fans of Radio New Tomorrow. We've got an important broadcast for you all today.

ZOE CRICK: Miraculous, even.

EUGENE WOODS: Absolutely. So, as you might have noticed, we've been having a few -

ZOE CRICK: Conflicts of interest.

JACK HOLDEN: Blazing rows.

EUGENE WOODS: - heated discussions about the future of this station, and we want to apologize for those. It was unprofessional for us to air that dirty laundry in public. You deserve more from us, and we want to do better. As such, we've decided to come together to resolve these issues.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And we've got to do it on air, in front of all of you. You see, this isn't the old world anymore. We can't be petty or -

ZOE CRICK: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We can't afford to be petty, because we're clinging on by our fingernails here, all of us. So it's pull together, or fall apart.

JACK HOLDEN: The fact is, guys, if we don't work together, we're going to lose everything we've struggled so fiercely to protect. It's natural for us to feel protective of the things we've built for ourselves, but we can't let that instinct get in the way of our bigger goals.

ZOE CRICK: So everyone out there who's listening, whether you're at Abel or New Canton, whether you're out there on your own or finding your feet in a new settlement, here's what we want to say: [sighs] But honestly, Phil, this doesn't even sound like me.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Just read it, Zoe. I spent hours over that. It's not like you could have written something heartwarming for yourself, is it? I'm not sure you have a heart to warm.

ZOE CRICK: Fair point. So, listeners, it's so easy to focus on the things that divide us that we can forget how much we have in common. We've all lost somebody to the outbreak. We've all been uprooted from our homes, had our livelihoods and our communities taken from us. We've all seen horror we could never have imagined. We're all afraid.

EUGENE WOODS: But we also have an opportunity, a chance to come together and build a new world. One where we can put the problems of the past behind us and start again. One where the tragedy we've lived through gives us strength rather than driving us apart. One we've created together.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Now, we know what you're thinking.

JACK HOLDEN: This is all just a bunch of bull coming from some guys on the radio who've had a falling out, and yeah, maybe you're right.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But we want to make this work. We want to show that we can make something better by working together than we can by fighting with each other.

JACK HOLDEN: So, we're going to take some time to figure out how we can provide the best service for you guys. Then we'll come back and let you know the plan.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And until then -

ALL FOUR: Stay safe out there.