#We have Persona introjects here. Not saying who is who but...

[the-alarm-system]

Anti Endos and Projection of Decisions and Hurt

I'd like to start this off with my story and how it relates to the experiences of many hurt anti-endos.

I don't remember a big chunk of my original trauma, most of it feels like a dream that has chunks guarded by Red our protector. I do have bits and pieces, and I know for a fact that I went through RAMCOA.

Growing up I got hurt by a lot of women, and one of those woman's personas got introjected into my system and would retraumatize me consistently for a few years. This was before I realized I was plural.

What Im trying to say is I have survived a lot of horrible shit, and I know it's why I'm plural, and I have had horribly abusive headmates before.

Anti Endos bring these forms of exo and internal abuse up whenever attacking the slogan "The future is plural". I saw an anti endo say

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And I got angry enough to make this. Maybe it was rage bait, but I'm convinced most of them genuinely believe this.

Using your own trauma and hurt to invalidate the existence of others is one of the most vile horrible things you can do. Not every traumagenic system is formed from programming, not every system existing is formed from programming. Trust me I know the pain of being hurt that way, but are you serious? Don't use your trauma to hurt others. No endo wants to fucking program a child and abuse them, this is just a false analogy used to bring fear to others and towards the movement. We are not the enemy.

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I have experienced strong negatives, I've felt strong dissociation, memory loss, and Scald has gotten lost before and we do struggle a lot in disordered experiences. But this is expecting that every system puts the negatives above the positives. This is expecting that your experience and perspective of your own system lines up with everyone elses. I don't care that I have so much to deal with, being a system makes me extremely happy and I would love to share that with others. Obvious negatives? Yes, but "few" positives? In my experience with DID, psychosis, and even BPD I do my best to see the lighter side of them because I wouldn't be me without them. I have so many more pros than cons that comes with being a system because I actively changed my perspective in order to accept ourselves. I had to see the joy of it because I was abusing Scald by not accepting him and giving him individuality. I understand a system seeing their DID as more negative than positive, but this is projection to others which is simply narrow minded.

Before going deeper, I want to affirm that I have no hatred towards those who go towards final fusion or uses parts language. This is an argument about those who project their end goals and hurt and suffering onto other systems in order to invalidate them.

While I may not experience this towards my own system, I can understand why others may despise being many and/or desire to end as a singlet. However in the argument against endos; being broken, wanting fusion, using parts language, and hating yourself as a system is bought up multiple times. Here are some examples:

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Their views on their systemhood, while valid, is narrowed to the expectation that every other system should see it that way and if they don't they are put into the pile of fakes and subject to harassment. Anti endos have called me disgusting simply for expressing how happy being a system makes me. It reminds me of when I was a transmedicalist(essay for later) to be honest.

If you don't want to fuse, if you don't see your systems existence as an abomination, and you desire better acceptance from the world

You are a fucked up groomer who is anti recovery, never wants to heal, and wants to abuse children.

I'm sorry I love my system

I'm sorry I found so much joy in my system that I would love for there to be more of us and better acceptance of us

I'm sorry that I'm not all pessimistic on my system

To be honest, I can't change the past I went through, I can't delete my system,

But maybe to me it's ok to see the good that came out of it even if its hard then and hard now

Projecting your perspective of your systemhood onto others though, projecting false analogies based on your own trauma, and expecting every experience to be the same as yours is vile and just self victimizing in order to hurt vulnerable systems looking for community.

Giving your sob story, ranting about how you hate your pieces/headmates, and then tying it up with "and thats why endos want to hurt children" is a different level of fucked up

small personal note: if I had to endure everything again just to be with Scald, I would Over and over and over Piss yourself mad about it antis, I love my system and we aren't faking because of it

[funlovingfuzzball]

If you ever looked at my following list, this might not shock you, but if you didn’t, it’s time to introduce us. Yes, us.

I’m Raie, she/her. I’m the system’s primary protector and a Temeraire introject. Anyone familiar with the series would know why I couldn’t find this less shocking now that I figured out my source. Yes, I do have phantom wings, tail, horns, and tendrils. I also definitely attempt to call the divine wind when furious and then remember I’m very not able to do that here. Personal policy: all sourcemates are AU versions, you are not *my* Iskierka and especially not *my* Lawrence. My Lawrence is long gone and my Iskierka is source-exclusive. 200+, female, and you pronounce it “Ray”. I bite, but only if you make me.

We also have two others who are defined enough to be named and explained here. The rest are still fuzzy and haven’t claimed names. We all accept she/her, and are figuring out individual pronouns still.

Lily - she’s the sole known little and fluctuates between 6-12 years old. Very much a trauma holder, look up “catkid” if you want clarity. Rarely fronts. If she wants to clarify more, she will later. Pronouns unstated.

Arya Nightjar - this one’s my fault. Many apologies to Arya, who was directly my creation. She was a D&D oc who I was using as a masking persona in theory, and when I discovered we were a system she finally made herself known. I had actively formed an alter based on the oc and had been dragging her into front when I didn’t know what to do. First thought: “whoops”. Second thought: “oh good god I’m sorry that sounds like hell”. Owlin druid, misses flying. Weird sense of humor. She’ll also clarify more later if she sees fit. Individual pronouns unstated.

If you want to classify us as an evil multi-origin system or some shit based on Arya, I probably don’t want you following me. She was technically made on purpose, but I had no clue what I was doing, so please just treat her as an oc-introject. Also, please don’t force us into syscourse. I am pro-belief (all else being equal, if someone says they’re a system they’re probably not lying) and we don’t have a public stance on endos. Lastly, be nice, and I’m not letting Lily publicly show up on the blog until you’ve proven you can be normal to me, an introject, and Arya, an intentional creation. If you can’t deal with us, you don’t get access to the little. You got it? Good.

Hope this doesn’t freak anyone out.

-Raie

[sysciety]

[cont. of this] ('factives are more than cc introjects')

It's because it's not trendy or marketable to say you have an introject of someone who abused you, or even someone who might be your friend who's a great person but doesn't happen to be popular. This has devolved into complaining more about tiktok/twitter but it feels like people won't talk about the downsides or the non "quirky" sides of a disorder unless it's done in some quippy or marketable way. (Not that they necessarily should do that either but it does unintentionally create a skew)

Saying "oh I felt dissociated on my way to x" doesn't make good content. "Here's a day in my life with a cdd" and it's me sitting at a desk doesn't make good content. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go "here's what a switch looks like" but I think it's still to some extent catering to an algorithm based on shock value as opposed to serving an educational purpose, especially when something like that is meant to be the highlight of a video (this is about tiktok again bc due to formats system-youtube does this in a much better way).

Saying you have a guy in your brain vs saying "I literally become x char from y media" will evoke two different responses from the average viewer even if to the system in question these could be two coexisting alters. But the latter is more shock inducing. On a reactionary algorithm that's what becomes popular and so other people follow suit, resulting in media introjects becoming more talked about, and eventually becoming the norm. Subsequently it also becomes a whole lot easier for people to target, creating a discourse feedback loop.

(i.e it's easier to fakeclaim fictives/make discourse around them)

Tumblr a) has an older userbase, b) is notorious for having no algorithm, c) doesn't have a character limit so discourse can be discussions instead of statements and d) isn't considered profitable/popular and I think that's why it's exempt from like, 90% of this

Remember when this post was about factives? How did we get here.

I think the general view of CDDs stems from the content portraying systems. It's like the inverse of "everyone with did is a murderer." The old (pre-2010s) perception/blanket statement to the general public was this, even if jokingly. Now it gets seen as the roleplaying disorder because of the sheer volume of content that's about having fictives and sources and source calls without enough understanding of the full picture.

(The murderer one's still there too tbh now there's just a second stereotype)

No one should be forced to talk about whether or not they endured something so traumatic it permanently changed their brain structure. I don't think everyone necessarily should, either. And I don't think just because someone never shows the negative sides of a disorder doesn't mean they don't have it. This isn't anyone's fault just a product of how to get views quick. The takeaway shouldn't be that media introjects are bad for the community at large. I don't believe that at all (still wanna get to the bottom of the rise of introject heavy systems, but that's for another post). This is just a general issue I have with turning every aspect of life into something consumable. When I say marketable/content I don't mean the person filming is trying to sell anything it's more like the persona presented online type of thing.

I know it probably only feels tangentially related but it's related enough for me to talk about. I don't know if there's anything here that can really be solved but at least to me it feels like a big part of the issue

[lovetogether]

Alter introductions! Everyone be nice,

💛 Symphony is our “catch all” name or “system name”, our preferred collective pronouns are none, and he/her if needed.

Here’s a list of all our current active alters,

We do not currently have any designated “Host” and instead opt to refer to all of ourself as a collective.

☕️ Dale, (he/him) is and introject of Dale Cooper from the show Twin Peaks. Our most recent alter, still getting used to things, thank you!

🍀 Lucky or Wiki(pedia), (he/her or no pronouns) is an introject of Nagito Komeada, Lucky is shy and rarely opens up publicly but is happy to be here and is very close with our alters Octave and Song! The three often co-front together.

🌙 Octave, (they/she) is an introject of the character Ryoji Mochizuki from persona three! Very friendly though sometimes shy, rarely introduces themselves directly but is pretty active on here.

🧣Crow / Alibi (he/she) is an introject of the character Goro Akechi from Persona Five. Was host / main alter for about a year now, currently taking a back seat. Still he is quite active on here, just doesn’t use the term host.

Crow is a subsystem and also has the alters Robin (she/he) and Loki (it/it’s), these two will rarely come out.

🌱 Song (he/they/she) is our sibling of sorts, they cofront a lot. he is often age regressed so please keep this in mind. Everyone else is protective of them and our biggest hope for this account is everyone here accepts and is nice to Song. Song is friends with lots of characters, sometimes we tag content of these characters as friends if you wanna know who they are. Song requested we list her top friends:

Mike from breaking bad and better call saul

Argenti from honkai star rail

Jack-o from guilty gear

Birthday our popplio

Sampo from honkai star rail

🌻 Story (no pronouns, he/him if needed) is Song’s biological brother and over all a pretty chill guy. Story is based around our oc of the same name. Story is another common alter here though never introduces himself openly.

❓ Melope (She/they) is a child alter of ours, she’s rarely on here but is usually with us! (She’s more active irl)

Notes: we are always finding out more about ourself! there’s probably more than we listed here, they just do not have an identity yet. We also did not list currently dormant alters! We trust everyone here will be kind to all of us and any and all introject weirdness we see is an instant block. Everyone loves to talk if asked so feel free to say anything to anyone and when they come around they’ll get to you! We trust everyone here currently following us will be kind to all of us ! Thank you :-)

Final note: all pmd sprites are from this site, check it out!

[starseers]

hi! so basically I was wondering do u have any tips on can someone know for sure if they have alters or if it is singlet fluid identity or personas/ocs/etc? what does singlet fluid identity look like compared to a system switching through alters? when u only know two possible alters how can one know more when no communication method has worked? and is it normal for one alter to stay at the front for a long time and just not think about whose fronting and such and still be a system? how did u figure it out if u are okay with sharing..

Okay well that's a lot to go through, gonna tap the "I'm not a professional, just a dude" sign again though, were also dyslexic and just generally bad at processing things so sorry if we read something wrong

First of all, I've never heard the term "singlet fluid", so I can't give input on that. I'm gonna guess you're questioning if your a system though. It's a... Weird experience.

I did ask our partner system (@sleepysystem-vibes ) for some input though, and here's their response;

For how we found out- This is a bit of a hand me down story cause I'm a new(er) alter, so excuse lack of details, but an old host had been looking into intrusive thoughts a lot and found an article comparing intrusive thoughts and DID. It was a shit article looking back on it but it got us on the right track.

We looked into it a bit more and basically, it filled all the holes any other things we've researched couldn't fill. Not hallucinations, not intrusive thoughts, and not mood swings.

The best advice I can really give you is just go with your gut. Most systems I've talked to all say it just felt right, either that or they were suddenly diagnosed.

You can ask yourself simple questions though:

Do I have gaps in my childhood?

Do I deal with often dissociation/derealization/depersonalization?

Do I ever feel like I'm watching my life from a TV screen/ not in control of my body?

Those are just some I can come up with off the top of my head, but they can be helpful.

For OCs vs. alters- oh boy don't worry, we went through that too. It's even worse when your ocs are also alters. Introjection can make things confusing lol

We actually started our whole discovery process because of OCs. There's a barrier between daydream and sentience (that's likely the wrong word but I can't think of anything better rn). We realized these "OCs" we're still being "daydreamed" even when we stopped and we gain traits and characteristics of them, which is partially natural, we all pick up traits of characters we like. However, there were periods when these traits would come and go, later learning that's certain alters moving close and away from front.

I honestly can't be much help in that department though, it just took a lot of time and communication for us. If they want to be know, they'll tell you. The best thing that helped us was the phrase we still use during low days; "You wouldn't have to question this if there wasn't a reason to question it."

Something is there that makes you turn your head, and that's what you should focus on.

For switching- switching is... Complicated. There's different types of switch, different experiences, different experiences depending on the alter- etc. I'd recommend looking up "possessive switching" and "non-possessive switching" to help you figure out if you are switching though.

For how one alter can know more than another- dissociative barriers. Simple as that. The disorder is made to protect you from intense childhood trauma, it's just part of the shebang. Don't know what that means? Google is a luxury we don't realize! Look it up.

For alters staying in front- that is extremely common. It's usually called being front-stuck. It's a miracle I'm even fronting right now considering our host is painfully front stuck a lot. It's natural, and it'll pass. Same for not knowing who's fronting. If you mean as in not caring to ask who's fronting, that's normal too. We've flat out forgot we're a system multiple times before! Life just gets busy and frankly? It's not healthy to fixate on your system 24/7 like most would suggest.

Now, best tip of all? Don't depend on social media. Google research papers, they're there for a reason and easy to access. Hell, I don't know your situation but if you're at all able, go to a therapist- specifically a trauma specialist because anything else will likely waste your time. There's a lot of misinformation online, especially about dissociative identity disorder, be careful who you listen to and check the credibility of what you read. Don't even take my word for it, you have no idea who I am, I'm not even an adult! We got lost in a shit ton of misinfo at the beginning and I'd hate to see you fall in it too, with that being said though, I wish they best of luck to you!

[aikainkauna]

I think we are living now in a period which in some ways resembles the time of the plague. It sounds like a very exaggerated image, but we are confronted every day with despair and horror. There is the nightmare of the war and the fear of the bomb, but you know as well as I all the events that cause our universal anxiety. So the feeling I wanted to give you tonight is that during these events, during these happenings, it is as important for us to step out of history as it is for us to live within it. We have to step out of it in order to find the strength with which to participate in it, with which to live in it, and with which to achieve what I was finally able to achieve in the later diaries, which is a refusal to despair. This has meant creativity on the one hand and relationship on the other—the obsession with establishing intimate contact, with friendship, with every form of relationship to man, woman, child, to people close to us and to people in other countries. It’s not only the artist who talks about creativity. We can begin to create in a desert of life, we can begin to create with those that we live with, we can begin to create as children do—-immediately writing poems or painting when they can hardly hold a brush or a pen. This creativity is a constant interaction between our life and the struggle with larger issues such as history, whose victim we can become. And in order not to be victimized by it we also have to learn to live apart from it. It’s not escape, it’s having a place that we return to in order to regain our strength, in order to regain our values, in order not to be shattered by events. It’s almost like the man who goes to the bottom of the ocean and takes with him some oxygen to equalize the pressure. I’m talking about equalizing the pressure between outer actions and events which are shattering and devastating to us and then the place where we recompose and reconstruct ourselves, where we finally achieve what Jung called the second birth. The second birth we are entirely responsible for; it’s a self-creation. This second birth is the one that you can make, and the discovery of that to me was always a great relief. As long as we expect the changes to come only from the outside or from action outside or from political systems, then we are bound to feel helpless, to feel sometimes that reality is bigger and stronger than we are. But if suddenly we begin to feel that there is one person *we* can change, simultaneously we change many people around us. And as a writer I suddenly discovered the enormous radius of influence that one person can have. So when we make this interior change we do affect the external world. Now everybody separated that and said: there is either rushing virtuously to live a collective life or else there is this selfish introspection and concern with your own development. But the two are completely interdependent, they are completely interactive; and the more you have this response to life, the more you have a source to respond with, then of course the more enrichment you pass around you. Why we made a dichotomy between those two–saying that the two wouldn’t enrich each other—I don’t know. Because whatever the individual does for himself and by himself is something that ultimately flows back again like a river into the collective unconscious. So if we are disappointed today in the external changes it’s because not enough of us have worked at raising a better quality of human being: one who is more aware, more able to evaluate, judge others, judge the characters of our leaders[…] We have to work upon ourselves because, as Loren Eisley said, every time we come to terms with hostility within ourselves we are creating the possibility of someday not having war. In other words, I’m putting back into the self the responsibility for the collective life. If each one of us took very seriously the fact that every little act, every little word we utter, every injury we do to another human being is really what is projected into larger issues; if we could once begin to think of it that way, then each one of us, like a small cell, would do the work of creating a human self, a kind of self who wouldn’t have ghettos, a kind of self that wouldn’t go to war. Then we could begin to have the cell which would influence an enormous amount of cells around you. I don’t think we can measure the radius of the personal influence of one person, within the home, outside of the home, in the neighborhood, and finally in national affairs. We never connected those two; we always thought we had to approach the larger issues directly; we never thought we could transform the larger issues by transforming ourselves. If first of all every individual had taught himself lucidity about character, the knowledge of psychological disturbances in depth, and had learned to go inside of himself, he could learn to perceive the workings of others, he would be able to choose better leaders. He would be able to do whatever it is that he does in his profession far better if he had this added lucidity, this clairvoyance that the recognition of other people’s subtlety and complexity gives. We talk about media and we talk about new sensitive tapes and we think about all kinds of ways of recording, but we never think of our bodies and our mind and our hearts as receptors. And that can only happen when we develop a sensitivity, when we get rid of the defenses which I call the calluses of the soul. R. D. Laing has a beautiful long paragraph explaining that while we all have a hope of authentic encounters and relationships taking place, they will not take place until we unmask ourselves, until we get rid of the persona, until we get rid of the defenses, the projections and introjections. He mentions all the interferences; and the diary revealed to me, when I finally opened it up to you, what those interferences were. They were mostly fear, fear of other human beings—which I suddenly lost the moment that I published the diaries. So the gamble proved to me that if we gamble in depth, if we offer the deep and the genuine part of ourselves, then it’s not destructible. We cannot be destroyed. Alvin Toffler also says in Future Shock that the students who are turning toward astrology, toward mysticism, toward the East, toward anything of the spirit, are dropping out of technology. I say: “No, they are trying to find a source of strength and a center so that technology doesn’t enslave us, so that we are the captains of our own lives.” So I don’t agree with him at all. The turning toward other things is really an attempt to create a self which can then survive in the air in which we live.

Anaïs Nin in A Woman Speaks: The lectures, seminars, and interviews of Anaïs Nin (available for free on Open Library here: https://openlibrary.org/books/OL7909910M/A_Woman_Speaks )

[79911091-blog]

y u gotta be so mean?

troll trɒl,trəʊl/noun "Someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.”

It’s a word that majority of people familiar with the internet know of, and many of which have had to deal with themselves. Unlike the traditional meaning of troll, the only thing that is ugly about these people is their words. But the bigger question here is why? Why would a person who in general may portray a normal, sociable, likeable persona contract such a harsh alter-ego online? Great question, you should google it. Or keep reading, it’s up to you.

Psychologist John Suller says this phenomenon is due to, what he calls, the online disinhibition effect. Disinhibition is “the phenomenon wherein one abandons social inhibitions that would normally be present in face-to-face interactions.” To break this down, according to Suller there is six factors which contribute to the effect: Dissociative Anonymity and Invisibility, Asynchronicity, Solipsistic Introjection, Dissociative Imagination and Minimising Authority. Confusing? Yep. So let me break them down for you.

Number 1/2: Dissociative Anonymity and Invisibility.  This is perhaps the most obvious reason of them all, people feel as though they can be a whole other person due to the anonymity that the internet gives you. However most of the time this is an illusion that people often fall subject too, as it doesn't take long for others to open that veil and find a real person hidden underneath.

Number 3: Asynchronicity. As they say (note: they is unknown) DON’T FEED THE TROLLS. Most of trolling is done to create a reaction, a simple tweet or comment is placed in order to infuriate others. Often trolls have little care in the matter themselves, however find a kick in getting reactions out of others online.

Number 4: Solipsistic Introjection. Journalist and researcher, David Auerbach labels the introverts who feed off online anonymity the “A-Culture”. These are the people who came before elite online fame, and found solace in the pseudonyms  that most Social Media sites used to hold. Now, they fight back to protect what they once through the method of trolling.

Number 5: Dissociative Imagination. Often when confronted, trollers state they mean no actual damage, pure harmless ‘fun’. Because of the lack of face-to-face confrontation, trolls rarely ever see or feel the human consequences of their actions, leaving them to continue on with their day to day lives without any repercussions.

Number 6: Minimising Authority. Trolls believe that, unlike in the real world, there is no hierarchies. This allows them to freely speak and spread ideas without anyone questioning, what or who they are. A great example of this is when celebrities are trolled. In the real world, they would rarely ever have the opportunity to even meet these people, yet online they are able to hold a significant gravity on these people’s wellbeing and lives.

So let’s go back to back to the beginning, why do trolls exist? Well, they thrive off the opportunity and anonymity the online community gives them. However, more importantly is the reason why the succeed. They succeed because we let them, when it comes to trolling, it takes two to tango.

References: Auerbach, David. “Anonymity as Culture: Treatise.” Issue #15 – Triple Canopy. Triple Canopy, 09 Feb. 2012. Web. Suler, John, Ph.D. “The Online Disinhibition Effect.” CyberPsychology & Behaviour 7.3 (2004): 321-26. Psychology of Cyberspace. Rider University. Web. 18 Mar. 2013. Academic Earth. The Psychology Of The Internet Troll. Academic Earth, 2017. video.