#We need more tavi content

[blagam0nie]

I just wanted to say that I love you guys, whole octavian fandom. You make me smile, sometime laugh. And I wish that this art of our cinnamon rolls will make you happy.

OctaKahale is actually the sweetest ship I ever have

[shattered-glasswork]

Drew Tanaka and Octavian friendship

@blagam0nie

[theoctaviandefender]

erm give creds if you use?:3

[emiliotheemu]

Jason definitely adopted Octavian when he first got to camp and everybody called Octavian Jason's pup

OMG YES? THIS FITS MY THING THAT HE HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON JASON BC HE LITERALLY FOLLOWRF HIM LIKE A PUPPY?????

[justonemorechapternicercy]

“…well, there are worse ways my Christmas could’ve ended.” for Tavy/Luke/Percy??? ^-^

"Well, there are worse ways my Christmas could have ended," Luke said contently, as he laid back on the couch, sitting between his boyfriend, and the guy they had been pursuing since the beginning of the semester.

"You mean that bumping into a group of homophobe idiots and kicking their asses, then being almost arrested is not the worse it could have ended?" Percy asked sarcastically. He looked so cute with his hair tousled, sweat shimmering on his forehead, nothing like the perfect student he portrayed himself.

Luke wanted him so much, and looking at his boyfriend, he was just as enamored with their little cutie as he was.

"Well, no, because this way we have you with us," Luke shrugged.

"And we could see you being a fucking badass, which was fucking hot," Octavian added.

Well, Luke thought, so much for taking their time, and letting Percy take the first step. Even through it was clear Percy was hesitant to do that, probably because he didn't want to step into an already existing relationship. Ah, well. Maybe it can only go up from there, at least now they will know for once and all where they stood.

Percy's smile turned sharp, a heated, hungry look entering his eyes, and Luke feels his mouth water at the sight of it. Octavian's fingers dug into his tights, showing that his boyfriend was just as affected as he was.

Of course, he was. Perseus Jackson was a fucking temptation.

"So that's what really does it for you guys? Me kicking people's ass," he said with a sharp smile. Luke looked at Tavy, feeling like he was missing something.

"Not exactly know-," Octavian started, but Percy interrupted.

"That's only happening when there's no other solution. I can and will fight someone if I have to, but if I can, I will diffuse the situation differently. I'm not one for violence!" Percy's voice was strong, his eyes hard, telling a grim tale without saying anything else.

Luke sighed, and shook his head.

"It's not about you being a badass, fighting with people, running from the police. It's you being a fucking hero."

Percy's hard look faltered a little. "What?"

Octavian took his hand into his over Luke's lap, while Luke pressed their tights together more deliberately.

"I don't know if you have ever noticed, but you are somebody people are not afraid to go if they have a problem. I've seen you help out a young women by pretending to be her boyfriend when she was harassed by a guy. Young children literally flock around you to hear you telling stories and help them with their home problems. Your classmates ask you for help when they don't understand something! Older people go to you to talk, because you look trustworthy. You are an everyday hero, and seeing you kicking ass just solidified this!" At the end of this rant, Luke felt breathless, but he needed to say these. It was not because violence was a turn on for them, it was because Percy was a turn on for them!

"It's hot. You are hot. You are warm and open, genuine, and fucking amazing. You are a capable young man, yet you always allow us to help you when you need it, allow us to pamper you and spoil you," Octavian added.

Percy stared at them in amazement, his face burning up in surprise and embarrassment, eyes darting down to Luke's mouth when he licked his dry lips.

"Tonight was the same. You could have taken care of the assholes, and yes, you were fucking hot, but you trusted us to help you out. You didn't try to solve your problem alone, you allowed us to help. And we..." Luke trailed off, but Octavian continued it without missing a beat.

"...we love when you lean on us. We love you," he said, his infatuation with Percy clear in his voice as he, after months of suffering, finally confessed their feelings to the pretty little hero.

"You guys," Percy whispered, awed. The look in his eyes was heated, full of unsaid emotions. Suddenly, he pulled himself in a kneeling position, crawling over Luke's body, hands curling into both of the older guys' shirts, and pressed his mouth on Luke's.

It took more time than Luke was comfortable with to realize that he was finally kissing Percy Jackson, but when Percy's hand found its way to his hair to move his head into a more comfortable position, he quickly got on the program.

With Octavian in tow, who yanked the two of them into a three-way kiss that shouldn't have been as hot as it was, especially after Percy made an approving little sound.

Luke was right; that Christmas could have ended way worse than feeling Percy Jackson gasping against their mouths, being all relaxed and comfortable.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

[bisluthq]

?? I meaN tavi is known but not to gp in my humble one. But with gg 2.0 maybe she will be!!

Okay see we are back to a term y’all love to throw around that annoys me because it… feels a little silly. And that’s this whole idea of a “general public”. Now, no doubt you get SUPERSTAR celebs - Beyoncé, Madonna, Taylor, the living members of the Beatles, Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio, JLo, the KarJenners etc - where you do kind of have to live under a rock to not have heard about them. They’re ubiquitous. They’re iconic and legendary and like… yeah everyone’s heard of them, whether you’re a fan or not. You know the name and you know what they do and you can put the name to the face, which you… know.

Then you start getting era specific celebs tbh. Like everyone of a certain age knows the supermodels - Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer etc - but I honestly don’t think all Gen Zs do. They were HUGELY famous in their moment, but that moment passed. If some 16 year old doesn’t know who Claudia Schiffer is, does that mean she’s not known? Like almost on that tier of iconic tbh? Not at all.

And after that, it really depends on your own personal interests. I don’t follow rap, especially dude rappers, so I was last week years old when I heard of Fetty Wap. I was today years old when I heard of Stormzy (I got an anon about him and had to have a young Google). Does that mean those two incredibly successful men are unknowns? No it just means I don’t follow rap and don’t know who the big names are.

I don’t follow KPop. I know that BTS exists and BLCKPINK (sp?) exists but I can’t name a single member of either group off the top of my head. That doesn’t mean that these groups aren’t fucking INSANELY successful and popular. It’s just not something I follow.

Gossip Girl reboot is absolutely not going to make someone superstar level famous. It’s a big show and all but like one can easily not watch. It’s not a cultural moment in the way Game of Thrones was (and tbh nothing will probably ever be again, but that’s a whole separate conversation on the end of the Golden Age of TV and the rise of streaming). And even with GoT the individual actors didn’t get superstar status, their CHARACTERS did, but plenty of people watched the show and can’t fucking name those names.

I think a lot of Taylor fans get confused about this shit because they’re stanning a fucking SUPERSTAR, so y’all seem to think if someone isn’t as famous as THAT then they’re unknowns. That’s just not a reasonable benchmark.

With the rise of streaming and the advance of social media and the death of print media tbh, we’re seeing a lot less superstars in general because we can now watch whatever the fuck we want - there is so much content - and follow our fave celebs. We don’t all need to tune in to the same show, we don’t even know exact numerical ratings for shows/films anymore a lot of the time, and we don’t need to wait for Us Weekly to report on the celeb, we can curate our information about them on socials and articles can be churned out about all sorts of people and get clicks/earn money without needing to sell someone a cover with a huge star’s face (which everyone will then learn to recognize).

So like celebs are becoming a lot more niche specific and age specific.

Gossip Girl can make Tavi popular amongst English speaking teenagers and millennial girls (and some boys). It will not and cannot make anyone a fucking superstar though, and like I say - becoming a superstar is an increasingly nuanced process because you can be HUGE in your industry but unknown by someone who isn’t interested in that.

And on top of that we layer language and region, right, someone can be HUGE in their country, but unknown elsewhere. The stars of Magnificent Century are fucking Turkish ICONS and are very well known like throughout Europe as well but aren’t really known in English speaking countries. Does that mean they’re not a huge deal or that fucking GIANT of a show was a flop?

I hope this makes sense but ya I really wish y’all would stop throwing around that term because it doesn’t ever really make any sense to me.

[liahswriting]

Piercings

Relationship(s): Octane/Original Female Character (platonic)

Words: 1,966

Warnings: None

Summary: Octane talks about his piercings.

"How many piercings do you have?"

The question wasn't exactly out of the blue; she had been curious about Octavio's modifications before and often asked about his tattoos. He gladly explained to her about his prosthetics and had no shame in showing off all the ink adorning his skin and explaining the reasoning for getting each piece. Of course, most of his reasonings were "why not?". She found him interesting in many ways. Mostly it was because he was so incredibly different from her. While Octavio was always on his feet and constantly looking for another thrill, she was content to stay at home and relax. He did everything with speed, she was meticulous and careful. He loved to party and was a social butterfly, she could have just as much fun with a glass of wine and a nice dinner. He was overtly sexual, she was naïve. He was covered in tattoos and piercings, she didn't have any.

How they became friends, no one will ever know. Ajay Che liked to say that she was a nice balance for Octavio. Che often told her that he needed someone to keep him in check since he stopped caring about what Che thinks long ago. Whatever the case may be, she enjoyed having Octavio as a friend; he made her life interesting.

"You mean that I have now or that I've had altogether?"

"Both, I guess." she answered and he hummed in thought. He sat back on the couch, eyes turning every which way and fingers keeping track of the number. She watched in silence from beside him with her elbow pressed against the back of the couch and her head pressed against her palm.

"17" he finally said.

"Where?"

"Right eyebrow, tongue, bottom lip," he used his fingers to point at where the piercings were. "I have this part of my nose pierced," he pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. "Used to have this part pierced," he then moved his fingers to the middle cartilage of his nose. She watched his fingers move in fascination. She wondered how he could possibly wear his mask and goggled while in the arena with all of his facial piercings. "Three on on my right ear, four on my left, and then I used to have my nipples pierced."

"What happened to the nose and nipple piercings?"

"Nose piercing got ripped off and the nipple piercings just got in the way so I took them out."

"Which one hurt the most?"

"Why all the questions?" Octavio challenged with a smirk. He threw one arm across the back of the couch, knocking against her elbow and forcing her to shift her position.

"Just wondering." she shrugged.

"Mhm. Come on, mami. Di la verdad."

"I don't speak Spanish, Tavi."

"Tell me the truth." he translated.

"I've been thinking about getting one." she said slowly, unable to meet his eyes.

"What?!" he jumped up straight on the couch and now fully turned his body to face her. He had a wide grin on his face. "You are thinking about getting a piercing? And you weren't gonna tell me?"

"I was just thinking about it, Tav. It's not set in stone."

"Come on, chica! You gotta get one!"

"I'm just worried it's gonna hurt a lot."

"If you're worried about the pain, don't be. Even the worst piercing won't hurt for too long."

"And how long is too long?"

"The worst piercing I've ever gotten only hurt for like a week."

"Which one was that?" she asked him again but he didn't provide a verbal answer. Instead, he just smirked at her. "Which one?" she repeated but still no answer. Did he want her to guess? "Was it on your ears?" he shook his head. "Your tongue?"

"Nope. Think lower."

"Your nipples?"

"Nope."

"Then which....?" her sentence trailed off as the cogs in her brain slowly started working. Her eyes mapped out all of the places Octavio had told her he had pierced, carefully counting each piercing. "Wait, you only told me 14. Where were the other 3?" He smirked at her once again. He wanted her to say it. He wanted to hear the surprise in her voice as she said it.

"Come on, chica. Use your brain." he taunted.

"Was it...." she used her hand to circle the air above his private instead of having to vocalize it. Her face burned in embarrassment but that only caused him to laugh at her expense.

"Correcta, bonita."

"Why!" she exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"But doesn't it hurt?"

"Not anymore. Like I said, a week max."

"I can not believe there are men out there who get their... their.... thing pierced."

"Aye, there are women who get their clits pierced." Octavio informed her.

"But whyyyy? I could never do that!"

"To each their own."

"Maybe I just shouldn't get a piercing." she shuddered. "I don't do good with pain."

"No! Come on! You have to get one. I promise it's not that bad."

"I don't even know what I'd get. I was only thinking about it."

"Well then let's talk about it. I can give you a pain rating for each of my piercings to help you decide. And I can go with you when you get it done."

She thought about it for a moment. She wasn't exactly sure if she really wanted to go through with this but it couldn't hurt to at least get some more information. So she nodded at him and he began telling her about each of his piercings and how much it hurt to get. He gave her a pain rating for when he was getting it pierced, for when it was healing, and for now after it was all completely healed. He told her how to keep piercings clean, how to change out the barbells, and what to expect as they heal.

Several days had passed since that conversation and Octavio kept asking her if she made a decision yet. Each time she told him no and he'd drop the subject for awhile until his curiosity got the better of him and he'd ask again. He gave his opinion every chance he got.

"You should get your tongue pierced." he told her.

"I don't know." she said back.

"Your lips don't hurt that much." he informed.

"Maybe." she thought.

"You'd look good with your nipples pierced." he laughed and she gasped at him.

"Octavio Silva!" she slapped at his shoulder and furrowed her eyebrows. He merely laughed a deep belly laugh. "I'm not getting my nipples pierced! Besides, I already made up my mind."

"What!" he jumped in place. "Tell me!"

"I want to get an ear piercing. I figured that would be my safest bet and it wouldn't be too eccentric or out of place."

"Esto es increíble! When will you get it done?"

"My appointment's tomorrow." she said nervously. "You're gonna come with me, right?"

"Of course, hermana! Don't worry, I'll be right beside you."

"Thanks. I'm still kind of nervous."

"It'll be over before you know it!" he assured.

The entire day went by incredibly slow and that night she had trouble keeping asleep. She didn't know why she was working herself up this much. It won't be as bad as she thinks it will but she still found trouble keeping calm. By morning, she was a fidgeting mess. She spent the whole morning with Octavio as she waited for her appointment time and the whole morning he was asking if she was alright. Despite her fears, she told him she was okay. He didn't buy it, of course, but he didn't pressure her in fear of scaring her even more than she already was. Once her appointment time got closer, Octavio got a cab for them to take them to the piercing parlor. Once there, her entire stomach flipped and she felt queasy.

"You sure you're okay?" Octavio asked worriedly.

"I'll be fine. Let's just get this over with."

"Look, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"It's just the pain I'm worried about."

"Everything will be just fine. Come on, take my hand." he held his hand out towards her and she let him take her hand. He lead her inside the place where she checked in for her appointment. It took 10 excruciating long minutes for the room to be prepped and ready for her. 10 long minutes of her brain just going haywire and second-guessing itself but before she could cancel her plans, they called her back and Octavio carefully helped her into the room and onto a table.

"So what are we having done today?" the piercer asked her as he put on some rubber gloves.

"I want to get my industrial pierced." she murmured out. The piercer looked at her questioningly.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"She's just nervous about it hurting." Octavio answered for her.

"Most first-timers are. I promise to be as gentle and quick as possible." he said and she nodded back. As the piercer was prepping her ear with disinfectant and marking off the spots where the needle was to go through, Octavio was soothing her with words of comfort.

"Squeeze my hand if it hurts." he said to her and she took a hold of said hand tightly in her fist. When the piercer asked her if she was ready, she nodded, took a deep breath, and gave an encouraging squeeze to Octavio's hand. She could feel the needle first prick through the top of her ear and the drag through the hole it just created. She squeezed Octavio's hand tighter and hissed between her teeth. Then the needle pierced through the bottom of her ear and completely stopped all motion. It was a weird sensation having a piece of metal stuck in her skin. The open wound rubbed harshly against the needle, making her eyes water profusely. Her grip on Octavio's hand did very little to take her mind off of the pain. His voice didn't do much to distract her either. It was then that the piercer moved the needle again and took it out of her ear, in it's place was a barbell. The piercer was careful not to tug the object as he screwed on the end ball to keep it from falling out of her ear.

"All done." she heard him say.

"See, that wasn't so bad." Octavio reassured. He wiped his free thumb over her cheeks to wipe away the tears that had fallen but she couldn't see him passed the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Once the piercer had gone over how to take care of the piercing, he got up to escort her back to the front for payment. But when she stood, she wobbled on her feet and almost toppled over. Octavio caught her before she could fall.

"You okay? You feel nauseous?" asked Octavio.

"No. Just woozy."

"Here, you sit for a moment, I'll go pay."

When she nodded back to him, he got up and left her alone. She took long, deep breaths to regain herself and dried her eyes with a tissue. Her head didn't feel any less dizzy but she was confident she wasn't going to pass out, so once Octavio was finished with paying the man for his services, she allowed him to help her back out to the cab to take them back to his place. He kept an arm around her at all times just to be sure she wasn't going to collapse. She didn't collapse, but she did rest her head against his shoulder and he tangled his fingers in her hair.

"Thanks for coming with me." she murmured.

"Any time, bonita."

[stimmedtavi]

Prove Myself (ft Cryptane)

This is a sequel to the one shot that you can find here! ~~~~~~~~ He told himself it’s “done” and “over”. It’s been a few weeks now and he’s “over” it. Maybe Crypto wasn’t meant for him, but god a part of him wants to relive that dream again.

((Octane POV))

I’ve always been fast paced. I’m a speed demon, adrenaline junkie and a daredevil. People like me aren’t supposed to linger on things for too long. Maybe that’s what Crypto and I had in common, running  and ignoring. It’s not like I care about what him and I had in common anymore though, that doesn’t matter because it can’t matter right now. The universe really has it in for me because sticking me in a duo with my Ex-Boyfriend who I kind of hate is really the salt in the wound. I’ve decided to use my jump pads and run far away from him, I can barely see him on my map at this point and I could care less. It’s clear he wants some distance so I’ll fuck off to anywhere away from him. Last month me would have been too busy begging Crypto for a bit of attention in the ring, especially with him in the outfit he is in now. I’m not sure if he can remember anything about our relationship, I doubt he can since he didn’t even love me, but I loved that jacket on him. The entire “Hired Gun” vibe he had gone for with it just felt so right on him. I hate that he can still look so good despite being such an ass. I keep having to remind myself that he’s not mine anymore, just as I’m not him. No good luck kisses before games, no careful kisses over a wound, nothing of that sort. But with him looking like that it’s hard to forget what it was like to be in love with him. My attraction is more than skin deep of course, I just can’t love his inside because of what he did. Imagine being that lovely but only to ruin things that are good. He played me like a fool, but I know I liked being his fool. I’m thinking far too much for someone who’s in the middle of a gunfight. I hear the piercing noise of a charge rifle somewhere near me and I feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise. I’m spotted and I know it, but at this point I’m tired of competing already, being anywhere near him has ruined my vibe. I know that I’m probably in trouble with a capital T already but I decide to crawl somewhere a little more visible. I spot Hack from where I’m crouched and I feel red flush through my face. He can see me and it’s pissing me the fuck off. I don’t want him to fucking look at me, he lost that right. I unholster my Mastiff and take a shot at the stupid drone, immediately alerting people of my area as the drone falls to the ground. For a second I feel relief, then sharp, sharp pain. Someone’s shot me between the shoulder blades. I cry out at first as I turn around, facing blazing orange eyes and a too-tall robotic frame. “You’re absorbed in yourself Silva,” Revenant grumbles. I hate being killed by him, he always takes too much pleasure in hurting people. I feel too exhausted to deal with him, I barely have enough energy to scramble back as his voice box hums contently at the thought of having another kill.  “It doesn’t please me to kill you-” He starts but the sound of a Kraber cracks through the air and just as suddenly as I had felt relief to pain earlier, so does Revenant. His body crumbles in front of me, clanking to the floor in an awful robotic way. A hole is smoking in his headpiece, the fabric from his scarf split almost comically from where the bullet has lodged itself in his metal skull. “You’re welcome, Octavio.” I hear through my communicator. I bite my tongue from lashing out and saying something stupid like I didn’t need his help and say “Thanks,” quietly. “Well he saved ya for a reason Silva,” Ajay says, looking at me skeptically. I roll my eyes at her. “He wanted to win, he doesn’t care about me Che. Also do you even know my first name?” I tease. She smiles at me a little and shakes her head. I know she’s right, and she brought me to her room to convince me to talk it out with him because she’s ‘tired of seeing me mope around the compound’. It’s just difficult for me to think about talking it out with him because I know my tongue and I won’t be able to hold it. I could barely keep it together earlier in the medic room while we were getting fixed up. It was awkward and angry silence. Awkward because I was the one who fucked us over and angry because Crypto got killed because of me. I could barely keep myself from telling him how being shot in the chest with an R-99 is nothing close to the pain he can inflict. “It’s not like he hates ya! You know he’s the one who sent me after ya right?” She raises a brow. I know he did. I didn’t want to believe it but I know Che knows me. And if you know me you know I reject, reflect and hide away from my feelings. At first it was easy because I could be hurt but at this point I feel I should be moving away from things like that. I should be moving on from him. I hate my past and now he’s part of it so I have to hate him, even if it pains me to do it. I know she sees my look of distaste and she gives me that sympathetic look she always used to when I’d scrape my knee or break a toy. “Octavio you can’t always run. Especially not from someone who’s good at running too, you’ll just chase each other. Now get out of my room I’d like to rest.” she says. I give her the stink eye and tell her that I’ll talk to her tomorrow and bid her good night. [Crypto POV] Waiting outside someone's door is difficult. Mostly because you just want to walk away and keep the door shut. Opening up is hard and I don’t particularly enjoy face to face confrontation, so all I can hope is that Lifeline simmered him down enough to talk to me. It was a dirty rotten move for me to ask her to help me out and I usually don’t like to ask for favors, but she’s the only one that can truly get through to Tavi. I’m so stuck in my thoughts I almost miss the sound of Octavio and Ajay saying good night just down the hall, door slightly ajar since Octavio’s foot is keeping it open. I take a deep breath and try to keep myself together, I know where I stand now and all I can hope is that he’s not going to push me over. “Could you move please?” Octavio says tightly. It’s a polite request, but I don’t obey it. He’s tense and he’s not even near the door, closer to Caustic’s room than his own. “Can we just talk?” I ask him quietly, not wanting others to hear how pathetic I sound. I chastise myself critically in my own head, wondering how I got here and how someone like Octavio could batter me down into being polite instead of outright destructive. I wish I could just walk away, turn on my heel and break his heart again maybe just to prove to myself that I can still reach that goal. But at this point Octavio is my goal. I want to work for him. I want him to be mine again, so, so badly. In response to my question he sighs and nods, shouldering past me a bit to unlock his door and let us in. “There’s really nothing to talk about you know,” He spits a little harshly. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I’m tongue tied, I don’t know what to say. All this convincing and I have nothing to say to him. “What’s wrong? You look stupid just standing there after convincing my best friend to come let you talk to me, to let you in again, so why don’t you say something? You wasted enough of my time letting me fall in love with you, so don’t waste anymore.” Octavio says, glaring daggers at me from where he sits now on the bed. His words cut me like tiny razors, I know his anger and how he hates it. He loves to be fun and kind, it’s why he’s so lovable, so seeing that I’ve made him like this only makes me feel more awful. I open my mouth and no words come out. I know what I need to say but my mouth won’t make the right sounds, so I shut it again. It’s now that I see he’s tearing up. His beautiful green eyes are welling up with tears caused by me, I’ve hurt him so badly and I can’t stand it. He must notice that I see he’s crying and he messily rubs at his face to clear them away before they can properly fall. “I don’t want whatever apology you’re trying to make here because it’s not convincing nor is it for me. It’s for you. Just like everything is,” Octavio starts as he stands up. He’s shorter than me but I know that words hold weight and currently he’s crushing me. “Everything has always been for you and I can’t fucking believe I fell for someone who would use me. What sort of advantage did I even have? Did you want fame? It’s not like you to be like that but who even knows who you are. I can’t believe I thought I did-” And it’s then that I snap.

“That’s not right at all, Octavio. I know what I said and I don’t even know why it slipped out. It’s always been too hard to say I’m sorry so my tongue settled on ‘I don’t love you’ and it was so wrong. I know you don’t believe me, especially since I’m built on lies and you know that but please, baby I’m begging you here, let me prove to you that I love you. Because for the one time I said ‘I don’t love you’ I’ll tell you I truly do in more ways than words a thousand times over. I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry for upsetting you. I know that my words sound hollow to you at this moment, I wouldn’t believe me either, but if you just give me a chance I swear I can prove to you how much I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’m sorry I ever told you I didn’t. I don’t know how I can go on without you, I miss you. And I’m sorry.” I bubbled over. I’ve said too much and maybe it’s only made him grow angrier. I can’t tell yet but his eyes look glossy again and tears start falling. His arms are around me soon and his face is buried in my shoulder as he babbles into the fabric of my coat. I can’t understand much of it but I make out “Do you really mean it?” at one point and I pull him closer to me. “I mean it Tavi, I swear to God I do. I never want to lie to you again and I’m so sorry I ever did.” I swear to him, he nods into my coat and soon his rambling turns into sniffles and he pulls away from me. “I accept your apology but I want you to know it may take some time for me to fully trust you again.” He admits quietly. I nod and press a kiss to the top of his head. It feels right. This is where I’m supposed to be. He laughs quietly and looks up at me, “So we’re good?” I ask. He nods eagerly and leans up to press a kiss to my cheek, “We’re good, and we’re gonna get better.” Finally after some more talking and a little more crying, he’s fallen asleep in my arms. He’s pressed up against me like he should be, and he’s snoring calmly. I can tell he hasn’t slept because I’m able to shift with him in my arms and he’s too passed out to wake up. I feel ashamed that I hurt him so badly, but just as he said, we’re good and we’re going to get better. I can rest easy now, knowing he’s my boy and he’s safe with me. ((ok hi this is messy but idr mind))

[tavi-hayes]

challenge five ~ a night to remember

((this is longgg (12k) please please please ignore the spelling/grammar errors. also this is the best i could do when it comes to writing, i’m sorry. big thanks to all the lovely people who did rps with me. pia @brookelynnsanders​ and ana @itzelbm-oc​ you two are wonderful, i can’t believe i got to be a part of a britzel rp! chris @leanarg​ my hero, thank you for fixing tavi’s dress and helping me with a specific part of this fic, i seriously wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, and also thank you for that fun rp! and finally anna @hugo-stanton​ thank you for the nice rps, you always bring a smile to my face! finally to anyone who is going to read this, enjoyyyy!))

The reflection in the mirror is staring back at me. It’s weird seeing myself with straightened hair instead of curls. It had taken my maids over an hour to create this hairdo, working with two hair straighteners at the same time.

I reach up a hand to touch it, but Carla appears out of nowhere and she slaps my hand away. “Do not touch your hair,” her voice is firm, but the usual sharp sting is not there right now. That’s a first. “Your sweaty hands will ruin all of our hard work.” She pushes a towel into my hands, ordering me to dry them. I quickly and quietly do as she says. My hands aren’t even that sweaty.

I place the towel on the sink and look back into the mirror again. This dress is unreal, hugging my body in all the right places. It makes me look elegant yet fierce and maybe even a little sexy, but of course it’s still appropriate for a ball.

My only problem with this dress is the colour: white. Prior to the ball, we’re supposed to attend a dinner and that may be the biggest obstacle of all. If I spill even a tiny bit of food on myself, the beautiful and soft fabric of my dress will be ruined.

A knock on the door startles all three of us. My maids exchange a look I can’t quite place. Carla grabs me by my elbow and turns me around so I’m facing her. She quickly looks me up and down with a critical look in her eyes. “Don’t clasp her hands together during the photo moment. It will look like your protecting your… you know.”

That is something I never thought I would hear her say. But based on her stern facial expression and the earnest tone in her voice, I can tell that she isn’t joking. I quickly unclasp my hands and let my arms hang besides my body instead. Carla gives me a nod, “better.” She pushes me towards the door at the same exact moment Willa opens it.

“Hello,” someone says in a deep voice I don’t recognize, “I’m here to escort Lady Octavia.”

I need an escort now?

I step into the doorway and the unknown man makes me a little bow. He seems to be around my age so that’s kind of a relief. At least I’m not accompanied by some weird older creep.

His eyes really stand out, they’re a dark shade of brown with a little sparkle in them. They remind me of Bambi’s eyes.

As a way of greeting, I curtsy. But it doesn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, given that it’s a skill I still hadn’t mastered. The eyes of my maids are burning in my back, I will definitely hear about this later.

The guy offers me his arm and I gladly take, eager to get away from Willa and Carla because let’s be honest they could scold me for that poor attempt of a curtsy right now.

When I look back at them, for the first time I think I might see a positive emotion on their faces. Could they be proud of me? Or maybe they’re just happy to see me gone for one evening? It’s probably the second option.

If someone had told me 6 months that I would be attending a ball in the palace, I would have called them crazy. But now here I am and it’s happening. Life can be very unexpected.

I wonder if my family would even recognize me if they could see me now. Right now I look nothing like the Tavi from back home. She only ever wore band tees and jeans, earphones in during most of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just that the difference between that Tavi and the one here in the palace is remarkable. The one here, me, looks presentable and put together. She wears dresses and heels and she spends most of her time in the library, reading law books. But it isn’t just my appearance that changed, it’s the inside as well. I have learned that not everyone in the higher castes is the same; that my family and friends mean the absolute world to me and I miss them terribly; and most importantly that it’s okay to talk about the shit in my past, because there are people willing to listen.

“Lady Octavia?”

“Yes,” I say, suddenly realizing we’ve almost reached the dining hall. All the other girls are already here, waiting for the doors to open. I turn to Bambi who has a content look on his face. I let go of his arm. Now that we’re just waiting, there is no need to hold on to him. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Jakob Condle,” the smile on his face reaches his eyes. I don’t know what to say in return so I just nod. Thankfully someone calls out to him, saving me from this awkward moment. He excuses himself before he walks a little further down the line of people.

I sigh in relief, grateful for his chatter to be directed at someone else for the time being. He is the first palace staff member, or whatever his function here is, that I’ve met who talks this much. Not that I’ve met that many of them, but I thought they would only give you necessary and clear instructions, like my maids did. But okay, maybe he just needed someone to listen to him.

“How are you tonight?”

I recognize the voice immediately, it belongs to someone who I enjoy talking to. I turn in the direction of the speaker. “Oh hello,” I return the smile Hugo is giving me. “I'm alright thank you. What about you? Excited for the ball?”

“I'm mostly okay and mostly excited. Are you ready for it?”

“I think so, I don't really know what to expect.” Now that he’s glancing down the hall, I have the perfect opportunity to look at him without him noticing. Hugo is looking very good, all dressed up like this. Very charming and …

I catch myself: Tavi! Friends remember?

“You look nice by the way.” That’s something one friend can say to another, right?

When he looks back to me, there is a little blush on his face. Did I say the wrong thing? I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable. “The dress you picked is lovely.” His smile is a bit different from the one I remember so well.

I narrow my eyes a little, I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual difference is. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” he says that so quickly that I start doubting whether that’s true. Speaking from my own experiences, I know that saying nothing doesn’t always mean nothing. “Sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” That is the very least I could offer. Especially after he had listened to me rambling about my dad and everything coming with that. “If you want to of course.”

This time, he gives me his normal smile. “It's just that I actually wanted to see if you would want to dance with me later. Only if you want to of course.”

I’m surprised by that, I hadn’t thought anyone would want to dance with me. And why is he asking me this now? He could’ve waited till the actual ball was starting. I don’t mind though, at least now I have something to look forward to. I chuckle softly, “don't be silly, of course I'd want to dance with you.”

If there is anyone I would want to be a witness of my poor dancing skills, it’d be Hugo.

As friends of course.

“I'd love that. Thank you.”

“There is absolutely no need to thank me.” As if I would ever say no to him. But I still get the feeling like something is wrong. I put my hand gently on his arm, “are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah, I've never been better.” The smile on his face grows bigger and bigger. “I'm just looking forward to tonight.”

A smile appears on my own face, “I'm glad to hear that. Are you a good dancer?”

“I might accidentally step on your foot, full disclosure.”

This dance is going to be great then since my own dancing capacities are very limited. Just the idea of it makes me chuckle. “I can't promise I won't do the same thing to you.”

“I don't mind,” he shrugs. “If anyone's going to step on my feet I'm glad it's you.”

Is that a compliment?  A smile automatically appears on my face. “That's what you're saying now.”

“Then you can ask me after too.” The smile on his face widens.

A hush falls over the crowd, piquing my interest. But I just can’t stop looking at Hugo and his beautiful smile.

Eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I turn around to find out what caused the sudden silence. Oh. It’s the prince with an unknown woman by his side. I had overheard my maids talking about international royals coming to visit for the ball, so maybe this woman is one of them?

Now what is he doing? Is he laughing? I didn’t know he was capable of that.

And then, a whisper near my ear. “I'll see you later?”

“Of course,” I say as quietly as possible. Whispering is also not one of the things I’m good at and I obviously don’t want to steal any attention away from precious prince Arin.

I shift my gaze to see Hugo back away. He smiles one more time at me before he turns around.

A new presence appears at my side and I turn my head to see who it is. Oh. It’s the guy who’s supposed to escort me, Jakob aka Bambi. He gives me a smile, but it just isn’t the same as Hugo’s. I force myself to smile back as a way of greeting.

He offers his arm again. As I take it, I notice that everyone around us is already in formation. The doors open and one by one us girls are escorted into the dining room.

The first thing I notice are the different tables. We used to be seated on round tables, all spread out in front of the royal table. But now there are 2 rectangular tables facing each other, creating 90 degree angles with the ends of the royal table.

Jakob leads me to my place. It’s almost at the end of the right table, for which I’m glad. I’m almost as far away from the eyes of the important people in this room. So if I make a fool of myself, or spill food on my dress, the only people noticing would be the 2 girls sitting beside me.

I let go of Jakob’s arm, but when I reach for my chair he beats me to it, pulling it away from the table. I mumble a thank you to him, knowing that he probably means well. But still, I’m perfectly capable of letting myself sit down on a chair.

He gives me a quick nod before he disappears.

A couple of minutes later, Brooke appears out of nowhere. “Hey girl.”

“Hi hi. I’m glad to be sitting next to you again.” I truly mean it, there is no better company than Brooke.

“As if they could rip us apart,” she winks as she sits down on the chair on my right.

Well technically they could. “It would be a crime if they did that.” We’ve been mealtime buddies since the beginning. If we ever got different seating assignments and Brooke would no longer be sitting next to me, that would make one quiet meal. I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.

Once all of us have been seated, the international royals enter the room followed by the Illéan ones. My eyes fall on Hugo. I simply can’t help myself. But who is that girl by his side? Could that be the sister he spoke of? But they look nothing alike, I feel slightly confused.

I decide to avert my gaze and focus on who else enters the room. These royals really know how to dress up for events like these. All of their outfits suit them so well.

Then there comes the prince. The one we were all supposed to fall in love with. Safe to say that didn’t happen to me. I feel like during that awful paintball date we settled into a mutual feeling of dislike. Something could probably be done to fix it, but I hadn’t felt like putting my time and energy into that. And neither had he, to be honest. We hadn’t spoken since that date.

I don’t understand why I haven’t been eliminated yet, he could simply tell me to leave and I’d be gone.

But for the time being I’m kind of grateful that I am still here. I get to spend all the time I want in that library, still hoping to find something that could help my dad. And, I’ve got to spend more time with the nice people I’ve met. I’m not complaining.

* * * * *

When dinner is over everyone is moved into a big ballroom. There are decorations everywhere. I didn’t know iridescent colours could be a theme, but this sure is working and it’s beautiful.

I don’t even know where to look. Everything looks perfect.

In the fuss of switching to another room, I’ve lost sight of Brooke. Now I’m all by myself and don’t really know how a ball is supposed to work. It’s not like I’ve ever attended one before.

I find a nice spot near one of the walls where I can quietly observe the other people in the room. I see people mingling with others, standing near the drink table, or simply doing the same thing as me. There are also people dancing, which seems to be the main event here. Then my eye falls on the orchestra not that far away from me, playing the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. It’s a great mix of classical music and instrumental versions of popular songs. I know how I’m going to spend my evening.

I have no clue how much time has passed as I’ve been so absorbed by the music, but at some point my gaze lands on Brooke who is just heading my way. “Hello,” I say, smiling at her. “Are you enjoying the ball?”

She doesn’t look to happy. “Not so far…”

“What's wrong?” I tuck some hair behind my ear, just then remembering Carla’s firm words. I wasn’t allowed to touch my hair. Well too late for that now. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she hums as she looks around. “I just need to get something over within a few.” She turns to look back at me then with a smile on her face but it doesn’t feel that genuine. It doesn’t reach her eyes. “How have you been?”

I still feel a little worried about my friend. What if she got herself in trouble? I really do hope she would tell me, but I don’t want to be annoying so I decide to let it go. For now. “I'm alright thanks.” My eyes go to the many decorations around the room, catching the light every now and then, reflecting all possible colours. “This is quite a party, isn't it?”

“It definitely is,” a sigh escapes her. “I am happy I found a way around wearing one of those gowns...” But then she scoffs and shakes her head, “also have you found the bar already?”

“You look stunning, Brooke,” I say, and I mean it. That power suit is perfect for her, it complements her so well. It’s literally her personality in an outfit. She looks amazing. “I don't know if there is a bar, but I believe there is a table with all sorts of drinks,�� I look around, trying to spot the table. But there are too many people crowding around us, I can’t find the table anymore.

My compliment earns me a light smile. “Thank you Tavi. So do you.” Before I even know what’s happening, Brooke grabs my arm and drags me to the drink table. Of course she’s the one who spotted the location of the alcohol.

There are so many different glasses lined up on the table. I’m guessing each type of drink has its own glass but, given my limited knowledge on the matter, I honestly have no clue what it all is. I recognize the ones with champagne though and stay far away from those glasses. Not a fan. “What even is all of this?”

Unlike me, it seems like Brooke doesn’t care what she puts in her mouth. She just grabs the one closest to her and downs it in one go. “No clue.”

I eye the table again. Some glasses are filled with some brownish liquid. I’m not sure if it’s whiskey but I’m not about to try my luck. I don’t have a lot of good experiences with that specific drink. Just thinking about the last time, when Brooke had brought over those bottles, I can already taste the flavour in my mouth. Plus it had given me one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. Or maybe that had more to do with the fact that I had finished almost the entire bottle…

I decide to go for some clear drink. Perhaps this is just regular water? I take a little sip, yeah definitely not water. It tastes like a gin-tonic, with a very very distant hint of gin. But alright. I turn around to face the dancefloor again. People are dancing around like they have no care in the world. It’s quite magical to watch them move completely in sync with the music.

“So what's this thing you've got to take care of?”

I slightly tilt my head, waiting for Brooke’s response. Her face tells it all, she’s worried. “Gotta break up with the princey.”

I almost drop my drink. That is not what I was expecting to hear at all. This could only mean one thing. “You're leaving?”

She nods her head, “I didn't come for the love of the prince.” She sighs, but there is also a hint of smile. It lights up her entire face. “But I found love nonetheless.”

Weeks ago, she told me she didn’t think she had ever been in love. And now hearing her say she has found it, I feel so happy for her. I can barely contain my excitement as I grab her arm. “You did?”

“You know Itzel - am I right?”

“Oh my god Brooke!” I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly. I completely forget about the glass I’m holding and my drink spills all over my hand. But I don’t care about that right now. The only thing that matters in this moment is Brooke. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you Tav. Didn't think something like that would ever happen... But it did.”

“You deserve it.” I hold onto her for a little moment longer. When I let go, I find her grinning at me. “Tell me. How did this happen?” She never mentioned anything during mealtimes and I never noticed anything different about her. I do remember the sparkle in Itzel’s eyes every time she mentioned Brooke when we were in the music room though. It makes sense.

“Thank you.” The smile on her face grows bigger and bigger. “You are actually the first person to know.” There is a brief pause. “I just randomly ran into Itzel at my runs a few times. And I don't really know. But she just - it just feels so right being around her. I actually never thought that I... You know. But I actually can't imagine a life without her anymore...”

I can’t help but smile myself, Brooke deserves the absolute world. “That sounds so great. And Itzel is such a kind soul.”

“She is indeed. Shines bright like the stars.” Brooke is practically glowing with happiness.

“Where is she now?” I look around the room but I don’t see Itzel’s face anywhere. Seriously why is Brooke over here talking to me when she could go and have fun with the lady of her heart.

“I haven't seen her yet - but she should show up any minute.”

“Hm,” I don’t recognize the song the orchestra is playing now, so I will definitely have to look into that. The cellos play the most beautiful notes, their sound flowing perfectly through the music created by the rest of the orchestra. But still they manage to stand out among the other instruments. “How are you going to drop the news to the prince?”

“I still haven't found a sensitive way to be honest. I was slightly debating sending him a ‘breakup’ cake.” I can hear the nerves in her laugh.

The thought of a breakup cake makes me laugh, that’s definitely something Brooke would do. “That would have been funny. Do you think he'll be upset or something?”

“Probably more relieved.”

I take a sip from the now half-empty glass in my hands. Such a shame that most of the drink got spilled on the floor. “Then why are you nervous?”

“Cause then it's really real.”

I reach for Brooke’s hand. I wish I could do anything to help but this is something she and Itzel need to do by themselves. “You'll be fine, you deserve happiness and love.”

That’s when Itzel joins us. “Ladies, I hope you are having a wonderful evening now that I have arrived.”

Brooke says something and then winks at Itzel. How did I not know there was something more between them? “Itzel hello! You look gorgeous.” The dress she’s wearing suits her so well, the colour of it really makes the brown in her eyes stand out.

Itzel smiles at me. “Tavi! Awww,” she waves her hand to shrug off my compliment. “And you look stunning! Very sophisticated and ready to rule the world.”

That makes me laugh. Ready to rule the world is definitely the vibe I’m going for. Just hand me crown already.

I thank her anyway.

“And Brooke, you seem ready to break a couple of hearts. Very...” Itzel hums as she looks at Brooke from head to toe. “Ethereal.” Brooke replies with an eyeroll. They’re so adorable, it warms my heart. Then Itzel turns to me with wide eyes. “Oh Tavi. I heard your band and told ya I actually enjoy it. Not what I usually listen to, but definitely have amazing songs.”

“Oh really?” I had forgotten about her promise to listen to my band’s music. “I actually didn't expect you to enjoy our music. But I'm glad you did. Thank you.” The fact that she put in the effort to look for our music makes me smile. We’ve been working so hard on creating our own music for years, making it extra special to hear someone saying they like them. It means the world to me.

Itzel nods her head, “Yep. I actually sent it to my dad and he loved it. Says it's right up his alley. No problem, Tavi.” Before I can reply, she clears her throat and looks between me and Brooke. “So what were you two talking about? It looked quite serious.”

She had talked about her dad during our last encounter. She said music was like an escape for him. Just like it is for me. “Your dad really sounds like a man after my own heart.” Brooke is holding out a drink to me and I take it and thank her. I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to tell Itzel what we had been talking about so I remain quiet, hoping Brooke will open her mouth.

Itzel laughs because of my comment about her father. “What can I say many ladies were, and obviously are still, enchanted by my father.”

I really wonder who would be able to resist a man like her dad. He ticks off all the essential boxes. Too bad he is already married and has children. And I could be his daughter. What a shame. I can’t help but laugh.

No one has answered her question yet, but the laughter has died down, resulting in a silence. Itzel tilts her head, patiently waiting for an answer.

Minutes go by before Brooke finally replies, “ohhh I just told Tavi about the scene we will cause in a few.” She nudges Itzel with her elbow.

“Ah, I see.” She chuckles softly. “It's going to be grand. A good way to end this, at least that's what I think.” Itzel shoulders relax a little, I hadn’t notice how tense she was. I could only imagine what their conversation with the prince is going to be like. It must be nerve-wrecking, having to tell him you’ve found love elsewhere. “If things go south, then I have the necessary help to make a run for it. Me and my beautiful lady.”

I look between the two of them, a warm and fuzzy feeling falling over me once again. “I'm so happy you two found each other.”

“Tavi stop being so sappy.”

I shoot Brooke a look, “sorry I can't help it.” What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t feel any kind of joy for them?

Itzel links her arm with Brooke’s, smiling at me. “Well thank you, Tavi. I'm sure you'll find someone who makes you feel...all these feelings.” I myself am not so sure of that. If only someone would change his mind. But I don’t see that happening in the near future. Or ever.

Brooke and Itzel start talking about a dance. I’m the obvious third wheel here and they deserve to have a moment for themselves. “I take this as my sign to go?”

But that is not what they have in mind apparently. Brooke smirks at me and drags both me and Itzel towards the dancefloor. “No one is getting out of this party without shredding the dance floor with me.”

Itzel laughs at that. “Guess not, Tavi. It's a party and Brooke isn't gonna let us go easily.”

There is nothing I can do to stop this anyway, so I decide to just go with it.

The orchestra is playing the instrumental version of some popular song. Without a dance partner or a list of dance steps to follow, I can now freely move on the beat of the music. Such a relief.

Brooke is doing the same as I am, having fun while breaking into some dance moves. Itzel on the other hand seems to be a little more hesitant. But Brooke manages to twirl her around. They both look so happy with bright smiles on their faces.

I take a few steps backwards to let them have their movement. That’s the least I can do.

At some point, Itzel makes her way over to me pulling Brooke with her. “I'm slightly intimidated by how well you two seem to dance.”

That makes me laugh. “Don't look at me, Brooke is the pro here.” She really has a natural feeling for the rhythm in music, making it all look so very easy. Next to her, everyone else looks more like an amateur.

“Would have been a waste of money if that weren't the case,” Brooke replies.

“Well... I'm going to get a breath of fresh air. You two carry on.” Before Itzel walks away, she plants a quick kiss on Brooke’s cheek.

They really seem like the perfect pair, balancing each other out. Adorable.

“You okay?” I ask Brooke once Itzel has disappeared. Something about her facial expression has changed, perhaps she’s worrying about her upcoming talk with the prince again.

“Yeah...” She sighs deeply and stops dancing. “I just realized it's probably gonna be my last night here.”

I stop dancing as well. I hadn’t realized that she will be leaving the palace so soon, but of course it makes sense. Why would the prince keep her here? “Are you going to miss it?”

“Never thought I'd say it,” she says as she turns to look at me. Her eyes betray her nervousness. “But yes...”

I link my arm with Brooke’s. “Come on, let’s get you another drink.” I know that doesn’t solve anything, but perhaps it could take some of her nerves and worry away.

I let go of Brooke as we reach the drink table again, handing her a drink. “What are you going to miss the most?”

“You... And maybe the food…”

Hearing her say that, breaks my heart. We had walked into this experience together and now she’s leaving. “I'm glad you put me before the food. But I'll miss you too.” Terribly. I know it’s a little selfish, but I don’t want her to leave me behind. Who am I supposed to talk to during mealtimes when she’s gone?

“Was a thin line.” And then she’s pulling me into a hug.

I don’t want to let go of my friend. Can’t she just stay by my side forever?

But I know she can’t, especially now that she has Itzel. They deserve to start a life together. Let them have their happiness.

“Group hug?” Itzel says from behind me somewhere.

I laugh softly, “please join in.” And so she does.

“My loves,” Brooke says, hugging us even tighter.

When we let go of each other, I can’t help but feel very sad. How will I survive this without my friends?

I’m not really listening to what Brooke and Itzel are talking about what else they’re going to miss. Itzel says something about a small forest and by the look on her face I can tell something has happened there. I don’t want to know the details of that.

“Tavi?” Brooke voice brings me back to reality. She’s holding a little eyeliner pencil towards me, “phone number.”

I take the little pencil from her and write down my number on the wrist she’s offering. “You can call me any time, okay?”

“Watch me call you 5 seconds after I left this place.”

Itzel laughs, “or we could kidnap her every now and then, I'm sure she's allowed to leave the palace if she'd like.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows at that. “Promising plan.”

Itzel winks, “exactly. Like I have been saying before I have eyes and ears here. It could work.” For some reason I don’t think she’s exaggerating.

“I can leave on my own account, you know. No need for a kidnapping action.” And besides that, I feel like my days of staying in the palace are soon to be over anyway.

“Shhhhh kidnapping sounds more fun,” Brooke winks at me. Yeah sure, of course kidnapping sounds fun to her. She’s not the one being kidnapped.

“It's no fun if it's too easy,” Itzel says, crossing her arms. These two really are a match made in heaven, aren’t they?

I look from one to the other, suddenly unsure whether they’re joking. “Can you at least warn me in advance?”

Brooke shrugs her shoulders. “Sure - we'll give you a smog signal.”

“I will stay near a window at all times then.”

Itzel seems way too excited for this, “Sounds like a plan!”

I’m going to miss these two so much. “This place is going to be so dull when you two are gone.”

Brooke hands something to me. “For the bad times.”

I take the package from her and look at it. Of course. Weed. What else could I have expected from her. “Thank you Brooke, you really are a great friend.” A little bag of weed is all I ever wanted... But still I appreciate the gesture.

“Camping trip once this is all over?” Brooke’s gaze shifts between me and Itzel.

We both agree. At least I have something to look forward to now.

Brooke and Itzel go into a different direction. Perhaps they’re on their way to the prince for their chat. Or maybe they just need a little more time with each other before that moment.

I make my way back to one side of the room, the spot where I can go enjoy the music without being in the way of people. I realize I’m still holding the little package of weed in my hand. What am I even supposed to do with this? I didn’t bring a bag and my dress doesn’t have pockets. There is only one other option, I try to tuck it into my bra without anyone else noticing. Hopefully it will stay there.

* * * * *

A sudden tap on my shoulder surprises me. The music had consumed me once again. I didn’t notice someone had approached me. But when I turn around and see who is standing there, I feel disappointed. It’s not the person I was hoping for.

It’s Bambi. Or should I say Jakob?

“You promised me a dance,” he says, offering his arm to me.

Oh god. I don’t remember that but I must have agreed to it during our walk to the dining hall, when I hadn’t been listening to anything he was saying. Sigh. Is it too late to say no now?

After some serious debating in my head, I take his arm. I don’t want to dance with him but the other option is rejecting him on the spot and that may be even worse, especially if he is going to cause a scene.

He leads me to the dancefloor. Other people are already paired up and moving on the rhythm of the music.

Bambi takes my right hand in his own, placing his other hand on the back of my waist right on the spot where my dress is showing some skin. I really don’t like the feeling of his hand there. With my free hand I move his arm slightly upwards so that his hand is now resting a little higher on my back, far away from my skin.

I place my hand on his shoulder and he starts the dance. I wish I had paid more attention during the dance lessons we’ve had this past week. For some reason this type of dancing just isn’t for me. You’d say someone who’s into music as much as I am, would be able to connect the music to the required movements. But something apparently went wrong in my head because I just couldn’t make it work. This dancing was just a little stiff and there were so many steps to remember. Pfft.

I feel my dance partner’s eyes on me. I turn my head away so I don’t have to look at him. He’s talking to me, but I don’t listen to any of the words coming out of him. Instead I focus on the music. It’s pure and beautiful and touching.

Someone bumps into me. Isn’t it the man’s job to pay attention?

“Oh, I’m sorry… hi!”

“Oh it's okay.” I turn to see who bumped into me, even though I’m pretty sure I recognized her voice. Leana. “Hello.”

The guy Leana is dancing with tries to lead her away from me, but she’s not having any of it. “How’re you liking the party?”

Bambi however understands what she’s trying to do and keeps us close to one another so we can continue our conversation. “It's quite fun, isn't it?” I have to turn my face to see the girl I’m talking to. Dancing and talking is not a good combination when your conversation partner is not the same person as your dancing partner. “What about you?”

I notice her gaze shift to someplace behind me. I turn my head to see who or what she’s looking for, but I can’t figure it out. After a brief moment of silence, she replies, “it’s being ... quite a surprise.”

“A surprise?” I raise my eyebrows, but I don’t think she notices. Her gaze is still focussed on something else in this room. “In what way?”

Our dance partners are not really making it easy for us. Right now, Leana’s partner is blocking my entire view of her. “I mean... I had been in big events but nothing like this.”

“Yeah,” I answer as if I relate to what she’s saying. The biggest event I’ve ever been to, was a rock concert in the Park Theatre back in Winnipeg. And the vibe during that concert was the complete opposite from the one right here in this ballroom. “The royal family sure knows how to organize a party.”

I wonder if she even heard what I was saying because her partner is trying to lead her away again. But then I see her open her mouth, “what about change partners, should we?” She lets her partner twirl her around one last time.

Before I even realize what’s happening, she is standing in front of me.

I look to Bambi just in time to see his round eyes go even bigger. He doesn’t say anything, even though he doesn’t look too happy with this sudden change. Leana’s partner is looking at him with the same expression on his face, completely lost. The sight of them makes me laugh. I don’t think they were expecting something like this to happen.

“You want to dance with me? I have to warn you, this is not one of my talents.” Understatement.

“I know, I saw you at the dancing lessons,” Leana replies. Well at least she gives me an honest answer. “I’m not that good either but I refuse to stay standing at a party.”

“I was hoping nobody had noticed. But I have to agree with you, the music is worth dancing to.” Even now the rhythm of the music is calling out to me, encouraging me to start dancing. As long as I can move freely, there is absolutely no problem. But whenever a dance partner appears, everything goes wrong. I honestly don’t know what my problem is.

Leana is swinging along on the rhythm, her eyes are again trained on something or someone else in the room. “Hey, you should have play something for us tonight.”

I turn my face to look at the ensemble creating some beautiful music at the moment. “Nah I'm good, I wouldn't want to impose.”

“After listening to you playing I don't think anyone would see it that way,” she shrugs.

“Thanks,” her compliment makes me chuckle a little, “but I think I'll pass.” I honestly don’t feel like putting myself in the spotlight right now. This is not my ball and I don’t want to be the centre of attention. In fact, I’d rather be enjoying the music and everything from the side line. “Hey, you've got moves. Have you done this type of dancing before?”

That makes her laugh, “I have but I’m not that good...”

“Don't be so modest,” I offer her a reassuring smile. If she is ‘not that good’, then where does that leave me? “You're better than most of us.”

She bobs her head a little. “I won’t argue about that...” A crescendo in the song catches my attention. Leana apparently heard it to because she switches places with me right when it happens. We continue dancing, but in reality it’s more like she is dancing and I’m copying whatever she does. “How does your family spend this holiday?”

I refrain from saying that I feel like it’s only the higher castes that consider Independence Day as a holiday. For me and my family, it’s a day just like any other. “We don't really celebrate it to be honest. But we do have a more elaborate dinner that day, with other family members coming over and such.” I tilt my head a little. “What about you?”

“There’s always an important dinner hosted by governors, so we haven’t celebrated it as family for a long time... just my mom, now, my little brother and me eating something delicious.”

“Oh,” it never occurred to me that families might not see each other on a day they consider to be a holiday. I can’t imagine what that must be like, if everyone in the family has different obligations. “I'm sorry. Do you miss your family?”

Leana keeps on dancing, every move she makes is in sync with the music. “I do miss them, but we didn’t see each other during the day much, just breakfast.” She raises a shoulder as if it’s nothing. “I have texted them and called them so I’m fine. What about you?”

“I miss my family terribly.” They are the most important thing in my life. I just want to hug them and never let go again. “Phone calls just aren't the same.”

“Uh videocalls?” she raises an eyebrow at me.

“I mean,” I sigh softly, “it's just not the same as real life you know.”

Leana nods her head slowly, she’s not really looking at me anymore. “It’s hard to be used to be around someone every day and suddenly he’s not ...”

I don’t really understand what she’s talking about. “Uhm I'm sorry?”

She blinks her eyes a couple of times, finally focussing back on me again. “I mean family, having the family away it’s hard.” She reaches out to me and places a hand on my arm. The smile she gives me seems genuine.

Is she talking about my dad? How did the conversation take a turn to this?

“Yeah it sucks.” I don’t feel like elaborating about it, not on a night like this when we are supposed to enjoy ourselves.

Her hand slips to mine and she makes me twirl. “Looking forward to dance with the prince?”

I’m glad for the topic change but why did it have to go to the prince now? “I wasn't planning on dancing with him, no.” Last time we talked, I didn’t get the impression that Leana was too fond of him either. Something must have changed between them two. Interesting. If we had been a little closer in terms of friendship, I would have asked her about it. But I feel like it’s not my place to do that, so I drop it and raise my eyebrows at her. “Are you going to?”

She raises her eyebrows in return. “You said that as if you had other specific plans...” The curiosity is right there in her eyes. It must be the journalist in her, always wanting to know everything. But then she shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess he’s going to be busy for a while.”

The ball is well underway and I realize I haven’t paid any attention to the prince and his whereabouts. It’s the same thing I have been doing the last couple of months, casually ignoring his existence. “But I'm sure if you ask the prince, he'll accept the dance. It's kind of his job isn't it?”

Her face turns into a grimace. “That doesn’t sound so good ... if it’s his job I will consider giving him a free day then.”

I gasp, pretending to be shocked. “Ah Leana, don't rob him of his opportunity to dance with you.”

Speaking of opportunities for a dance, I remember someone asking me for one earlier tonight. Where is Hugo? I glance around the room, but I can’t seem to find him. There are people walking, talking and dancing everywhere.

Leana’s laugh makes my attention shift back to her, “he will be fine.”

“Hm, you're going to break his heart.” Poor prince.

Her eyes sparkle with amusement when she answers, “I remember someone was going to serenade him. What happened with that?”

We had indeed made a deal all those weeks ago, to see whether he would be scared away by my band’s music. But the entire thing had slipped from my mind. Such a shame. It makes me laugh, “I completely forgot about that.”

She doesn’t answer besides shaking her head in disappointment.

“Please forgive me,” I say with an overdramatic tone in my voice. If she really wants to know how the prince responds to music, she could play some guitar for him herself. Her guitar skills are pretty good, even if she says otherwise.

“I mean it’s never too late,” she says, adding a wink.

We continue dancing and talking for a little while, but then a familiar face catches my attention. I turn to face Leana again. She keeps on dancing without a care in the world. The twirls she’s making highlight the ruffles of her beautiful dress, the fabric flowing along in the movements.

I glance back at Hugo a second time. He’s still where he was a minute ago.

“Um- I’m afraid I need to go get something to drink... is okay if I,” Leana’s words make me turn back to her.

“Uh yeah sure. Thanks for the dance,” I say and I mean it. I don’t know if I would have survived an entire song with Bambi. His monologue made it impossible for me to hear the music. Leana saved me from that at least.

She smirks at me, “have fun.”

“Yeah you too,” I say, waving a little goodbye before she turns to walk in the other direction.

I walk over to the drink table, trying not to bump into other people along the way. It’s quite a challenge of its own. Some people really don’t pay attention to where they’re going, either because they’re too focussed on their conversation or because they might be drunk.

Eventually I reach my destination and extend a hand. “Care for a dance?”

Hugo turns to me with a smile on his face. I don’t think that’s a view I will ever be bothered by. As friends of course. For some reason, I have to keep reminding myself of that. Why can’t I just accept it and let it go?

He takes my hand, the soft touch bringing me back to reality. “You don't even have to ask.”

I practically drag him with me towards the dance floor, again trying not to bump into other people. “Are you enjoying the ball so far?”

“Yes, but I think I'm enjoying it more now. I've been looking forward to getting my feet stepped on all night.”

His answer makes me snort. “You can step on your own feet, you don't need me for that.” I’ve done it to myself numerous times, sometimes even resulting in me falling on my face. It’s not something I’d recommend but if he really wants to, then it’s an option.

I hear a soft chuckle coming from behind me. “I could but I'd rather have you do it.”

We’ve reached the dance floor and I turn to face him. Before I even know what I am doing, I step on his foot lightly. “Here you go, happy now?” In doing so, some hair has fallen in front of my eyes. I’m sure Carla would allow me to touch my hair now, it’s literally blocking a part of my view. Although, knowing Carla she would probably criticize me for it. I reach up anyway and tuck the hair behind my ear. I glance around to find other people paired up as well, ready for a dance. Some of them are other selected, partnering up with unknown men. Their escorts perhaps? “I might need your help though, this is not one of the things I'm good at.”

His laugh attracts my attention again and I glance at my friend just when he returns the gesture, stepping lightly on my toes. “I’m thrilled.” Before I can do or say anything, he pulls me closer. His hand rests on the back of my waist. I don’t mind his hand there, contrary to Jakob’s hand which I moved upwards as a result. “You've got this. I'll be here with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I place my free hand on his shoulder.

Right at that moment the orchestra begins to play a new song, one from the classical genre this time. “You're doing really well, Tavi.”

Such a liar, I know in fact that I’m not doing well at all. “Stop it, this is all you.” But I can’t stop the smile from coming to my face. “Have you taken dance lessons? Or does this come natural to you?”

“Don't sell yourself short.” Hugo squeezes my hand softly, causing me to miss a step. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t mention it for which I’m grateful. “I've taken some dance lessons, yes.”

I nod my head a little as I listen to what he’s saying. “Impressive. Truly. This doesn't seem like an easy thing to learn.” Yet if I had paid some attention during those lessons, I might have actually learned a thing or two.

He laughs, though I don’t know what I’ve said to have caused it. I’m not complaining though, it’s such a joyous sound. “Well, you know how to do other things way better than I do.”

“Oh right yeah, bannister sliding. Let's not forget that one.” The memory alone makes me chuckle. That is something I will remember forever.

That only makes him laugh more. “You're never going to let that go, are you?”

I shake my head, “nope and I will make sure you don't forget about it either.”

The laughing stops. Instead he tilts his head to one side, smiling at me again. “This is going to sound weird but I don't think I mind.”

I- I don’t know how to take that. Or how to respond. I decide to opt for a joke. “Well great because in the afterlife, my ghost is definitely going to find your ghost and be like ‘hey Hugo, do you remember that bannister thing?’ So you will be reminded of my victory forever and ever.” I don’t dare say anything about the time before afterlife. Perhaps he doesn’t want to stay friends with me once this selection is over.

He looks away from me, but I can see the tiniest blush appearing on his face. “But maybe until then you can remind me while we're alive?”

His words make my worries disappear. “Of course.” I even manage to get out a soft laugh. “I wouldn't want to throw those opportunities away.”

“How close are you and Arin?”

“Me and prince Arin?” This is the second time tonight that someone brings up that prince. Do I give off the vibe that I want to talk about him or something? “We're not close at all. We haven't spoken since that date and that was what, 2 months ago or something? Why?”

There is a brief pause before he continues speaking. “So... if you went out one night maybe you don't think he would mind?”

“I think he'd be glad to get rid of me.” I honestly think the prince wouldn’t even notice if I had gone missing. I truly don’t understand where this conversation is going or why the prince was brought up in the first place. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I know it's not really allowed.... but I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner sometime.”

Hang on. This has already happened before.

I raise my eyebrows, “a date?”

“As friends I mean. Friends of course.”

My heart tells me to get my hopes up again, but my head tells me to not be stupid. I follow the advice of my heart, not having learned anything from last time when he had dropped that friend bomb on me. “You mean as friends?” Please don’t make me go through this again. Please don’t make me feel like an idiot.

But then he shakes his head. “No... not as friends.” A billion things pass through my mind all at once, creating some sort of chaos. I feel speechless. And maybe it’s because I don’t say anything, because he adds in a quiet voice, “I'm sorry- I totally get if that's not what you want and I was wrong.”

My heart is racing but I manage to clear a path in the complete chaos in my mind. “Hugo,” I softly squeeze his hand, hoping it might be enough to get him to look at me again. “I would love that.”

When he finally looks at me, his eyes have gone a bit wide. “Really?”

I nod my head, unable to keep a smile from appearing on my face. “Of course.”

“Okay,” he lets out a breath and nods. “It's a date- and not as friends.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Not as friends.” I don’t understand how this even happened, especially after last time. I hadn’t seen this coming at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s a nice surprise.

There is the tiniest pressure of Hugo’s hand on my back, pushing me a little closer to him. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“Really?” I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. “Why would I ever say no?”

“I just wasn't sure if you felt the same way...”

I squeeze his hand again. “I thought I had made that pretty clear.” Let’s be honest, I hadn’t been doing a good job at the whole friends thing. “But now you know.” My own words make me blush a little. Normally I would try to avoid conversations like these at all costs, but with Hugo I just couldn’t.

“I'm glad I was wrong.” That beautiful smile is on his face again. “Very happy.”

I return the smile, enjoying this moment with him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at ease with someone than I do with Hugo. This silence is welcome, giving me time to clear the rest of the chaos in my head so I can at least enjoy this moment.

But then I realize why it is silent.

The song has ended and the orchestra isn’t playing a new one yet. “Oh,” I quickly let go of him, taking a little step backwards. I really don’t want to attract any unwanted attention from other guests. Some of them could be slithering around like snakes, looking for interesting stories they could turn into huge scandals. Dangerous territory. “I'm sorry I don't mean to take up all of your time.”

Hugo reacts the same way as I did. He also steps back, creating even more distance between us. “Oh... You weren't.”

The talking has completely distracted me, I didn’t pay any attention to the music. Did we even dance? “I didn't step on your feet, did I?”

He shakes his head. “Not once, except for at the beginning.”

That’s a relief, at least I did something right. Unlike those dance lessons. I’m pretty sure my practice dance partner has bruises on his feet from all the times I accidently stepped on them. Poor guy. “But that one was on purpose, so it doesn't really count.”

“On purpose or not I'd rather have no one else step on my toes.” I need a second to let those words sink in. No one else. What is that supposed to mean? I blink my eyes twice, only to find him holding his arm out to me. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Of course.” I close the distance between us again and gently take his arm. “Where to?”

A smile lights up Hugo’s face again. “How about the gardens? I heard they're nice tonight.”

“Sounds great.” I smile back at him. Some fresh air would be nice actually. Especially after being in this room full of people for… how long now? “But are you sure you don't need to stay here? What if someone wants to dance with you?” During that tour, he mentioned that he had befriended some of the other girls. I don’t want to take their opportunities for a chat, or maybe even a dance, away.

“All I am is a cousin. No one cares too much about what I do or where I go.” He shrugs as we walk towards the open doors. It’s dark outside but I can already see some lights illuminating plants here and there.

I turn my face back to Hugo and just look at him for a moment without saying anything. His words break my heart a little bit. This is his family after all, how can he feel like they don’t care? “I'm sure that's not true.”

He nods his head. “It is. But I don't mind. I like being able to mostly live the life I want.”

“Okay yeah I get that.” I look at him for a little while longer, but then I avert my gaze to see where I’m placing my feet. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself by falling. I focus on a champagne glass lying on the floor not too far away. How it survived its fall is beyond me. “Just... know that I care, okay?”

Hugo doesn’t reply right away. I wonder if he even heard what I was saying. Or maybe I said something stupid. But what I said is the truth, I had cared for him ever since the moment I met him. He had been so kind to me, making me feel at ease during that photoshoot. And then during that tour, when I had told him all about my dad and he had just listened. He hadn’t judged me or my family. He didn’t look any differently at me after I was done talking. There was no fear or anything close to that in his eyes. I’m not sure he knows just how much that little moment means to me.

“Tavi..... thank you.”

My heart might break a second time just because of the way he says my name. “You don't need to thank me,” I say as I pat his arm a couple of times. The gardens stretch out before us now. I had been mistaken, it’s not just a simple light here and there. In every direction I see lights of different shapes, brightness and colours, yet it all fits together perfectly somehow. “Oh look, you were right. The gardens look beautiful.”

There is a moment of silence. I don’t need to look at him to know that he’s also taking in the view of the garden. “Safiya did this.”

“She really has an eye for detail. It looks amazing.” The decorations in the ballroom are gorgeous, but the ones here in the garden are absolutely magical. It doesn’t matter where I look, there is something beautiful everywhere.

“She's always known what went together.”

The sky is filled with a billion little lights of its own. The stars flicker as they create their own patterns. “Are the two of you close?”

Hugo chuckles, “it depends on the day.” That’s always the case with family, isn’t it? On most days there are no problems, but on others even one wrong look can cause the next world war. But no matter how bad the argument, family is family and you love them anyway. “Do you have siblings?”

“I have one older brother, and a younger sister and brother.” Just the thought of them makes me smile. I’m sure Aria would love to attend a ball like this, if only for the gown.

“What are their names?”

We continue walking through the gardens. Lights are hung up, lining this very path. On the left there is a huge tree with fairy lights wrapped around the tree trunk and its branches. “So first there's Daniel, he already has a family of his own with the cutest little baby. And then my younger siblings are Aria and Arlan.”

“That’s a lot to keep track of. I just have Chloé and she’s more than enough.” There is so much love in his voice, it makes me smile. “Do you get to see your older brother often?”

“Yeah he always comes over a couple of times a week for dinner.” And I guess he has been coming to our house more often now that I’m gone. Daniel had promised me he would look after mom and the little ones. The feeling of missing them hits me so hard, I almost break down in tears. I need to steer the conversation away from my family. “Are you and your sister close?”

“Sort of, the past few years we've gone our own ways a bit but I always love spending time with her.”

“Oh that's nice.” We pass a flowerbed with multiple balls of light placed in it. Some shine a soft pink light, while others look more like blue and green. “Is she the girl you walked into dinner today?”

There is a moment of silence before he answers. “No... I escorted Felicity...”

“Oh,” that name rings a bell somewhere. Felicity. Then I remember the very first etiquette lesson all those months ago. She had entered the room, whispering something we couldn’t hear to the princess. I didn’t know who she was then, but Brooke had explained, ‘I am pretty sure it is Prince Arin's ex-girlfriend.’ No matter how hard I think about this, I can’t make sense of the situation. I don’t understand how Hugo came to be her escort. Why couldn’t the prince accompany his own ex-girlfriend to a dinner in his palace? “But she's the prince's ex? Why would you escort her then?”

I look over the flowerbed on my right, the light balls illuminate some flowers while others disappear completely in the darkness of the night. As we walk past it, the soft colours of the lights sort of blend together.

“Yeah she is, but we were paired up because it's a rank thing. We didn't decide that.”

“Okay of course.” I nod my head, “that makes sense.” What am I doing? I feel like I’ve overstepped a boundary. I shouldn’t have asked about it in the first place. “I'm sorry, that's none of my business.”

“Please don't be sorry.” He pauses for a second. “I have something I should tell you...”

I rip my gaze away from the flowerbed and turn to Hugo instead. “What? Are you okay?”

He nods his head, “I'm fine, I just want to be honest with you. Felicity and I... we...”

Where is this conversation going now? I furrow my eyebrows a little, but I keep quiet so he can continue talking.

He looks so uncomfortable, it makes me feel bad. “We were never really together but... we got close. But I want you to know she's only a friend.”

I don’t know what to say but then something my dad once told me comes back to mind. I was about 6 years old when my parents had asked me which music instrument I wanted to learn how to play: my mom’s violin or my dad’s tuba. Deep down I knew, while both instruments can create the most beautiful sounds, that I wanted to play the guitar. I had seen some musician play it on TV and I fell in love with it right away. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, in fear of disappointing them by choosing a different instrument. One day my dad asked me what was wrong and I started crying, telling him about the guitar. He pulled me into a hug, assuring me it was okay. “Octavia, we can’t force you to play the violin or the tuba. You have a voice of your own and you’re allowed to use it. This is your life, go for the things that bring you joy.”

I know this situation is far from the same as choosing a music instrument, but I feel like the essence of my dad’s message is applicable here as well. And besides, who am I to judge Hugo? He sure didn’t judge me when I told him about my dad’s jail situation. “Hey listen. Even if she was more than a friend, it's your life and you should do whatever makes you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. I can’t decide whether that’s good or bad, but his face does seem to relax a little. “Tavi, I think you make me happy. And I want more of that with you.”

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s the only thing I can hear. I’m pretty sure Hugo can hear it too, and with him everyone else here in these gardens.

I can’t do anything but stare at him. This is what I have been hoping for deep down, I just can’t believe it’s actually happening. “You're not drunk, are you?”

“No, I'm not. Are you?”

Relief floods over me. At least he’s aware of what he’s saying.

I shake my head, feeling very glad for I only had one alcoholic drink tonight. I’m sure if I had been drunk, this would never have happened. I can barely hear my voice over the beating of my heart, “I think you make me happy too.”

He stops walking, causing me to do the same. His eyes meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything.

I don’t know what to say myself, so I try to go for a way out. “Do you think we should head back?”

“Can we just wait a minute...? I like being out here with you.”

I somehow manage to get some words out of my mouth. “Of course.” I feel like I’m dreaming and I could wake up in my room here in the palace any second now. Or worse, wake up in my bed back in Denbeigh.

He lets go of my arm and turns to face me fully. “I was thinking when this is over I should take you up on your offer and visit Winnipeg...”

“Please do.” I remember that conversation and it hadn’t been me who made that offer. Hugo had said, ‘maybe you could show me around. It's always so much better with a local friend around.’ I remember the words so well, because I had felt so confused for making a friend. Look where we are now. With a smile on my face, I add, “though I can't promise I'm that good of a tour guide. And you set the bar for that quite high.”

His smile has turned so soft. “You can't say a bad thing about anyone...” He reaches down and takes my hand in his. I’m reminded once again of the smoothness of his skin. “That's one of the things I like about you so much. You're the most kind person I think I've ever met.”

I shake my head, I’ve done so many awful things. Like that fight with Leana, judging her for being a journalist. Or when I had aimed that paintball gun on prince Arin. And then actually pulling the trigger, trying to shoot him. “I... that's not true.” And let’s not forget the endless trash talk coming out of my mouth whenever I’m around Brooke. I’m not a kind person at all.

“We all have our good days and bad days- they shouldn't define us.” He reaches up to brush some hair out of my face.

“Hugo,” I can’t do anything else but look up at him. “If there is someone worthy of that most kind person title, it's you.”

He shakes his head. “I think you're wrong... but,” he says, taking a deep breath. He leans a little closer, his face only inches away from mine. “Tavi?”

I don’t know how I manage to speak, I feel like I stopped breathing about 10 minutes ago. “Yeah?” My heart however keeps on beating, the speed increasing with every second that passes.

Then he leans in even closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It feels like that moment when you’re waiting for a concert to begin. The lights are dimmed, and everyone goes silent. Your heartrate increases as you feel your anticipation level rise. And then the musicians take the stage and start playing their music. It’s the moment everyone has been waiting for. All the people start cheering and clapping, letting go of that build-up anticipation, leaving nothing but excitement and happiness behind. And the feeling of wanting more.

That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I want more.

I let go of his hand and reach up to touch his face. His eyes lock with mine and I gently bring his face closer to mine, making our lips touch in a gentle kiss.

His hands go up to cup my face, holding me in place as he kisses me back.

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s impossible for him not to hear it.

The kiss makes me feel a billion things at the same time, but surprisingly there is no chaos in my head. There is a calmness somehow, my mind has gone completely blank. The only thing that matters right now is this moment. I don’t want it to end.  

But then I realize where we are.

I take a little step backwards, glancing around as I do. I don’t see anyone, but it’s dark outside and someone could be hiding in a bush or something. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that here.”

He quickly glances around before leaning closer, kissing me again. When he pulls away, there is a smile on his face. “I'm not sorry.”

“Hugo,” I’m unable to stop the smile from appearing on my own face. I haven’t felt this kind of happiness in a very long time and now I don’t know what to do with myself.

He drops his hands from my face. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, they’re most likely bright red right now. Thank god for the darkness of the night. One of his hands slips into mine, “Tavi.”

There is something in the way he says my name. Like it’s something special. I fight the urge to kiss him again and instead I intertwine my fingers with his, “thank you for tonight.” It really had exceeded my expectations in every possible way.

“I'm so happy you said yes.” Hugo gives my hand a little squeeze.

I don’t know exactly which yes he’s talking about. I’ve said yes to so many things.

A dance.

A date.

A walk in the gardens.

If I had said no to one of those things, I don’t think I would’ve ended up here. With him.

I look down at our hands, joined together. I don’t want to let go. What if I do and all of this slips right through my fingers? But I also don’t want anyone to find out about this, whatever this may be. I could face any sort of punishment for myself, but I don’t want Hugo to get in any trouble. “Maybe I should head back?”

Our eyes meet again when I look up at him. “If it's okay with you I think I might stay out here a little bit longer?”

“Of course.” I let go of his hand, even though I don’t want to. I stand up on my tiptoes and give him one last quick kiss. “I guess I'll see you around then?”

Even in the darkness, I can see the smile on his face. “I'll see you around, Tavi.”

I return the smile before I turn around and start walking back towards the palace, forcing my heart to calm down. I need all of my attention to focus on the real world.

Darkness, an uneven garden path, me in heels, my mind elsewhere. All of these things together dramatically increase the chances of me ending on the ground.

Many people walk past me on my way back to the palace. Some are alone, others have company. It was definitely clever of me to return to the ballroom. There are curious eyes everywhere.

Back in the ballroom, it’s like nothing has changed. People are still talking, walking and dancing.

I make my way to the drink table only to find my escort Jakob aka Bambi there. He turns in my directions, his eyes sparkling as he recognizes me. But before he can so much as open his mouth, I quickly grab a drink and excuse myself.

I make my way through the room until I find the perfect, quiet spot where no one will bother me. I spend the rest of the evening there, watching the other people but not really seeing them. My mind keeps going back to what happened in the garden, reliving the moment time and time again.

[blagam0nie]

Guys, them >>>

[shattered-glasswork]

baby boy they could never make me hate you ❤️❤️

[himluv]

March felt long, but April felt… like a single long day. Not actually that much time, and yet exhausting. I am an introvert. I enjoy my alone time and staying home. I read and play video games and entertain myself pretty well.

… I miss my, albeit small, social circle. Tomorrow would have been Cinco de Micro. We would have convened at the convention center and enjoyed sampling microbrews and listened to dubious cover bands and ate lots of tacos. We would laugh and joke and tell all kinds of stories. We would have had fun.

Instead, we’re home. Again. And I know why and I deeply believe in the need to stay home and save lives. But man. It isn’t easy. The only thing getting me through is my work.

April Goals

Submit The Lament of Kivu Lacus

Begin Tavi revisions

Keep Reading!

Write 4000 words

How’d I do?

Submit The Lament of Kivu Lacus

Yes! I got some great feedback from my first round of readers and was able to make the final tweaks I felt it needed. It went out on Monday.

Begin Tavi revisions

YES! I did the read-through and note-taking and have now started really digging in and making changes. This meatier round of revisions is going well so far.

Keep Reading!

Oh yeah. I read another 6 titles in April, and a couple short story tie-ins. On a recent FaceTime chat with my dad I gave him a tour of my TBR piles, literally. There are PILES of books all over my house, waiting for me. There is no shortage of reading material here.

Write 4000 words

… No. But, I knew going into it that writing would be slow. Revision takes up parts of my brain that draft new content. My output is pretty much halved when I’m revising.

Total Word Count: 2,162

I don’t really know what else to say about April. I’ve been reading lots, making more videos, and working on my writing projects. I finally made some headway on my fanfic which accounts for the 2k words, and I’ve outlined subsequent stories through to where I’ve played the game so far. It’s looking good, and oh so close to the heartbreaking ending.

Which means I have an excuse to play more Dragon Age, haha! Like I need one.

Revisions are going very well. I’m really pleased with the direction I’m taking this book and the clarity of vision I have to guide my decisions. There’s a lot of work to be done, but I’m not daunted and I’m confident in the choices I’m making. That feels real freaking good, I tell ya what.

May Goals

Tavi Revision #1

Keep reading!

Write 4,000 words

I have 31 days to revise 20 more chapters. I’ve already revised the first six in the last two days. I’m feeling really good about my progress and my grip on the project. I’ve broken it down into Revision Phases, each with its own goal. I could probably write an entire blog post about that. Hmm…

Anyway, I know where I’m headed and what I want to accomplish and I’m really excited about that. It’s going well.

Again, there’s reading aplenty in this house. I started Destroy All Monsters last night and am in awe of it already. Yet again, Sam J. Miller proves he is a top-notch storyteller. I love his work.

We’ll see if there’s an uptick in writing this month. I’m feeling good about it, mainly because I got over a weird emotional hump in the story and now there’s just some fluff before the angst train comes barreling through. But, if revision continues at this pace, I might not have much gas in the writing tank. Which is fine. I’d much rather focus on the novel than the fanfic. Obviously.

So, yeah. That’s where I’m at. That’s what I’m working on. I hope you’re all doing well, keeping safe and sane, and finding a little bit of joy in your day-to-day. If not joy, maybe just peace.

I’ll be back on Monday to discuss the week. Until then, Blogland!

  BZ

The Recap – April 2020 March felt long, but April felt... like a single long day. Not actually that much time, and yet exhausting.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: Dignity + An Exhausting Amount of Sundries

I logged on quick Sunday to check email and discovered all my links gone.  IDK.  It does this randomly sometimes.  I hadn't time to futz with it then.  I just spent a couple of hours reconstructing what I could, but odds are, things I was working on were lost.  I'm sorry.

We actually accomplished quite a bit.  The bedroom is as ready as I can make it and still have to remotely livable.  As it stands, I moved some things to the closet side drawers and I'm trying to remember to dismount that side, which is harder than it sounds when I'm barely awake and trying to roll out for a quick stumble to the bathroom.  I nearly broke something (one of my legs, the light box and it's contents) the first time I woke up and went the wrong way.  The cats are very distressed.  Livia has lost her second favorite hide, and the big body pillow Livia likes to sleep on is now on the window side, which means all of their various mesting locations are scrambled and no one knows who owns which of the 6 or so popular sleeping locations.  There was quite a bit of stress blerping, but they are a touch more settled now. Because of the bed literally taking up most of the room and the placement of small objects habits I developed to deal with the lopsided clearances around the bed, I keep is covering stupid things, like when i get up, I pull the covers the wrong way and Tavy dismounts the wrong side and is so in the way of my flailing uncoordinated  exit.  My first meds protocol was thrown up by having the big pillow the wrong side.  It's all stupid little things, really. I need to remember to try to push the bed further Wednesday morning before he arrives, but if I do that early, I lose access to things like my underwear.  I have hopes of getting him another six inches.  It's still going to be scary tight.

We finished breaking down the 20, cleaning and stowing it, and about half the mantle's cleared.  The rest needs packing away and I need to find somewhere safe for the boxes of fragile.  I am currently storing pictures we had/have to pull down on top of the dryer.  I've a friend coning Tuesday to sort it, as it's all ladder work.  I'm trying to figure out where the benches are going, and I've a nasty suspicion I'm going to have to squeeze them between plants on the patio, possibly with some chairs on top of them, but that is a tomorrow problem.

I found three dead fish yesterday and did another massive change.  I think one had been from the big die off and trapped under the fish furniture, but the other two looked freshish.  Sigh.  I've confirmed twelve alive today, which doesn't mean that's all there are.

There was sweeping.  So.  Much.  Sweeping.

We also made it out to the home depot a half hour to close, my friend taking notes, and me with my measuring tape.  I have emailed the contractor a tub suggestion and asked some questions about toilet seats and paper holders.  We'll see.  If they let me have this tub it will be heaven.  We aren't budgeted for a walk in, but this one is actually deep enough, with an edge I can sit on when I get in and out and jets.  They didn't have any surrounds matching, so I have no way of telling if we can get a surround in budget.

We'll see if they let me get it.  If they do it will be a massive help with my AS, especially with a new water heater.  Trust me, there is nothing like a good hot epsom soak when it gets bad, and this thing is actually deep enough to do that properly.  We've already ordered an accessible shower/faucet/spout set, so that part's set.

Once the tub/surround and the toilet details are settled, it'll be all ordered and moving.  First wave repairs start 9AM Wednesday.

The Contractor's been a saint, helping me find things that work inside the specs and we've been going back and forth with links.  There was literally one toilet we could get from the three suppliers that fit the specs, and the sweet man found it.  When he noticed I kept picking black fixtures, he even checked to see if the toilets came in black, which they do!  :)  Seriously, I could not have managed this without him because no way would I have been up to finding the needle in the haystack there, and no way could I have done that much walking in Home Depot and Lowe's.

* The thing my friend commented on yesterday was how much autonomy the are letting me have.  Most programs for the poor and disabled don't give you choices or cater to what the specific person needs.  They tend to do one size fits all things picked by someone who is and has never been poor and/or disabled.  They tend to infantilize and assume we are incapable of making good decisions for ourselves in our best interest.

They didn't say the word "Dignity," but I thought it.  Assuming that I'm competent to pick my own energy efficient washer and dryer within a certain range of specs and under a particular budget according to my needs and aesthetic taste is treating me, an impoverished disabled person who literally nearly fell into a fish tank Sunday because standing is hard, like an adult and not an incompetent.  It feels nice.  The cynical part of me suspects that this is because the program is for people who could afford their own home before they got old and/or disabled.  It's easier for tax payers to sympathize for someone who outlived their savings or had a horrible accident or catastrophic illness than for people who are victims of the refusal to make minimum wage a living wage and 40 years of Republican tax policy, but here we are.

* Today I was actually up and about to do errands at a reasonable time, though forage was closed for MLK and I couldn't solve the wiper situation because there was literally no room for my car in line.

Did I mention some asshole broke off both my rear wiper and my front passenger side wiper during the week I wasn't driving?  Because they did.  Uh, thanks?  At least they left me the driver's side or I'd have been fucked.  at least I was able to price the passenger replacement today before I went to play small bill.  (They would very much like me to start paying more every month, given how much I owe them, which is understandable.  I had, in fact budgeted more for this month, but most of the extra is going to buy a passenger side wiper.  I'll just need to learn to live with the back one being gone.  The small bill people were surprisingly nice about it, all things considered.

Anyway, I got the meds I discovered I was low on over the weekend and spent the last of my EBT on the way home, so it wasn't a total loss.

[queen-scribbles]

Certain as the Sun

@pillarspromptsweekly fill #78, the long-awaited Ederity wedding fic that killed me with cute. (Roll For It elements: Dengler for my NPC the Watcher gets along well with, candlelight/kiss, and flirting/affection)

Charity had always been an early riser. This was not because of her faith or her livelihood, though it certainly came in handy for both, but just the schedule she kept naturally. Today she was up early even for her.

If it counted as ‘being up early’ when you were so excited you didn’t truly fall asleep. She was going to spend the day running on joy, adrenaline, and murkberry juice, that was certain as the sunrise. And she didn’t even care.

Charity ran through her mental list as she waited for Tavi to arrive. She’d  picked the flowers last night, as late as possible so they would at least be sort of fresh. The chapel was all set up, though Tavi would have to light the candles. She’d pulled out her dress and made sure it was in good condition... The only thing left to do was curl up on the couch with Sparrow and doze until Tavi got there to help her get ready.

It was both too long and not long enough when there was a brisk knock on the door, followed by Tavi letting herself in before Charity had even made it to her feet.

“Thanks for helpin’ with this, Tav,” she said, carefully moving Sparrow from her lap to the couch as she stood. The calico let out a half-hearted mrrr of protest before curling up and going back to sleep.

“You kiddin’? I wouldn’t miss this for the fuckin’ world,” Tavi grinned, running one hand through her hair. “It’s absolutely worth bein’ up at the asscrack of dawn.”

Charity laughed. “Still, thanks. This whole thing’s so last minute, it’s nice havin’ a friend who can be here. Now....” She pulled out her ponytail and shook her head so her hair fell loose around her shoulders. “You said you aren’t great with hair. What can you do?” It was best to get right to business; they only had about an hour until sunrise.

Tavi grinned apologetically. “Ponytails and braids, and even the braids are kinda shitty.”

“Well, luckily, I know some styles that fit those limitations,” Charity said with a smile. She ran through a few of them, explained the reasons a bride might choose them, but left it up to Tavi. If she was willing to help out at the last minute, the least Charity could do was make it easy for her.

“Eh, fuck it, I’ve always liked a challenge,” Tavi smirked at the end of the list. “Let’s do the first one you mentioned, with the braids back to a ponytail. That’ll look real pretty on you, an’ I think I can manage it.”

“If you’re sure,” Charity shrugged.

“Yep. Sit down and tell me where to find what I’ll need.” Tavi cracked her knuckles.

“String for hair ties is on my dresser, the flowers to weave in are in the spare room,” Charity said as she settled into the lower-backed chair in her living room.

“About those, anything special with how they go in?”

“Kinda?” Charity played with a lock of hair. “There’s red, yellow, and white flowers, you do one at the start of each braid, three of each color, but there’s no set order for the colors. You can alternate, group ‘em together, do it randomly. It’s your choice.”

“Got it,” Tavi nodded. She ducked in the two rooms in turn, emerging with everything she needed. “Pray for me,” she said teasingly, “or you’re gonna be real lucky Edér loves ya no matter what.”

Charity snorted. “You’re just fillin’ me with confidence, Tav.”

“Hey, you’re the one who asked me,” Tavi reminded with a laugh. “An’ I do have a rough idea of what I’m doin’, it just won’t be perfect and fancy.”

“Doesn’t need to be,” Charity assured her, then fell silent in order to not be a distraction while Tavi worked.

<>O<>O<>

It was good her hair didn’t need to be perfect; Tavi’s assessment of her skill proved accurate. She got the braids in, relatively straight and only a little lumpy, the flowers miraculously unbruised, and tied the loose part up in one of the messy buns Charity used for gardening before sticking more flowers in the ribbon securing it.

“There we go,” she said triumphantly as she stepped back. “Pretty as a picture.”

“I’m so relieved,” Charity deadpanned, grinning as Tavi rolled her eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Anything else you need me to help with?”

“Actually, since you’re gonna be waitin’ in the chapel anyway, t’ be our witness, could you light the candles? There’s a lot, an’ if I have to light ‘em and get dressed it’ll take too long,” Charity explained as she glanced out the window. There was the faintest hint of pink showing. They really did need to hurry.

“Sure thing,” Tavi said. “Again, anything special?”

“There’s two skinny ones an’ a wider one a little apart from the rest at the front, don’t light those. But all the rest.”

“Alright, sure.” Tavi gave Sparrow one final pet before heading out toward the chapel.

The first flutter of nerves hit as Charity stood in the doorway of her room, looking at the dress laid out on the bed. I’m getting married. Exciting as the thought was, it was also a little intimidating. She traced her fingers over the flowers embroidered down the sleeves and along the hem; red and yellow stitches twined together against white linen, painstakingly and lovingly done by her mother. I wish you could be here, Charity sighed as she carefully slipped her shirt off so as not to wreck Tavi’s work on her hair. I wish it was safe to tell you... But it wasn’t, no matter how sure she was her parents would love Edér, so she would have to content herself with having her mother there in spirit via the needlework on the dress and equally beautiful woven sash, also in the traditional red and yellow.

Charity smiled to herself as she pulled the dress on--just as careful around her hair--and tied the sash. She knew as well as any Eothasian the red was for life and the yellow for prosperity and happiness, but it was funny in this case how the colors also matched her and Edér’s hair.

Speaking of her hair.. She peeked in the mirror to check and was relieved it still looked good. No slipping or drooping or frizz.

The sky out her window was decidedly more pink. She really should hurry; Edér would be waiting for her, and they needed time to complete the ceremony so she could get back out of the dress, maybe remove some of the flowers from her hair, before Hendyna showed up to help her get ready for the ‘real’ Berathian wedding. She’d gotten away with the half-truth that her dress’ design was from her Ixamitl heritage, but being completely ready hours before the wedding might make her friend suspicious.

It took all of ten seconds for personal preference and the warm weather to justify going barefoot, which meant she  was ready, and just in time. With a smile at her reflection and a deep, shaky breath, Charity picked up her bouquet(iris, white heather and camellias), squeezed her necklace pendent to steady her nerves(overwhelmingly giddy rather than scared, but still jangling), and made her way back to the chapel.

She could see the candlelight through the windows, but was quickly distracted from both that and the still-cool earth under her feet because she’d been right. Edér was waiting for her.

Charity watched his smile bloom like the coming sunrise, lighting his whole face as his eyes crinkled at the corners from the breadth of it. She was pretty sure her face was the match of his.

Edér whistled softly as he reached for her hand. “Char, you... you look....”

She laughed when words failed him, because she knew the feeling, and replied,  “So do you,” through her achingly wide smile, heart beating faster as she linked her fingers with his and his outfit registered. His green shirt was an exact match for the one she’d lent him months ago, after their (brief) snow battle. The one she’d ‘borrowed’ from her father and never given back. “Where’d that come from?”

“Oh.” He smiled sheepishly and squeezed her hand. “You, uh, never asked for it back, and I kept forgettin’.... Found it yesterday an’ figured wearin’ it today was as good a way as any to give it back.”

Charity raised an impish eyebrow at his insinuation and somehow grinned wider. “Temptin’ as that is, dontcha think you might draw a tad too much attention if ya meander back to town from my place shirtless? Keep it for now.“ She pushed up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “I’ll reclaim it later.”

“If you two stand out there flirtin’ much longer, you’re gonna miss the fuckin’ sunrise!” Tavi hollered from inside the chapel. Edér and Charity both laughed bashfully and squeezed their joined hands tighter.

“She’s got a point,” he said, still smiling wide enough to crinkle his eyes at the corners.

“She does,” Charity nodded. “Nervous?”

“I was, a little,” Edér admitted. “That’s good, right? Knowin’ this is important an’ all. But...” He met her gaze steadily. “I’m not anymore.”

She giggled like a love struck teenager because it was her wedding day and she was allowed. “Same. Shall we?”

“Absolutely,” he grinned back and opened the door.

It looked like something out of a storybook; rows of candles lit down either side and across the front, rays of the sunrise spilling in through the windows to highlight the motes dancing through the air. Tavi was waiting at the front, grinning ear to ear. Her outfit was different, Charity noticed--still grey trousers and knee-high black boots, but she’d pulled on a surcoat over her sleeveless tunic that was the fanciest thing Charity had ever seen her wear. The ruffled hem almost brushed the tops of her boots, and the mid-bicep length sleeves were ever so slightly puffed, unless Charity’s eyes were playing tricks on her. The teal and grey color scheme was both typical Tavi and a very good choice.  It didn’t take long for them to traverse the length of the chapel and reach her. Charity raised an eyebrow and cocked her head toward Tavi’s outfit, and the elf just shrugged and mouthed ‘Later’ with a wink as she stepped around them to stand in the center aisle.

A traditional Eothasian wedding would have a witness each for bride and groom, but Tavi was the only one Charity and Edér trusted enough to know how fully they were still practicing Eothasians. And since she was good friends with both of them, they’d agreed that would be enough. The Berathian ceremony was the one that would count in most kith’s eyes, anyway. They could tweak traditions for this one.

Which they had done--been forced to do--in a couple places. Charity set her small bouquet down in front of the unlit trio of candles. She and Edér each took one of the narrower candles, lit it from the line of candles along the front wall, and returned them to their places before facing each other and joining hands.

Charity took a deep breath. This was another change; normally the priest officiating would not be one of the kith getting married, but--as with the witnesses--they didn’t have much choice. “Edér....” The swell of emotion in her chest choked her, and he squeezed her hands encouragingly. This, this is why priests don’t do their own... But she had Edér for support, steady and certain as the sun. She squeezed his hands back with a grateful smile and started again. “Edér, do you freely pledge your heart to me, swearing to stand by me and me alone, holding fast together through any dark times that come until the Light of joy shines once more in our lives?”

Edér smiled wide at her rush to get the words out, thumbs rubbing the backs of her hands, and nodded. “I surely do.”

Another shaky laugh and wide, giddy smile--Wael’s eyes, was she tearing up?--and it was her turn. “And I freely pledge my heart to you, swearing to stand by you in all things, binding myself to you and you alone, holding fast together through any dark times that come until the Light of joy shines once more in our lives.”

They loosened their grip and turned to face the candles. Their inner hands came together again, Edér’s palm pressed to Charity’s knuckles. On cue, Tavi stepped forward and wrapped the palm-wide yellow scarf(the most delicate thing Charity had ever knit, she was actually rather proud how well it turned out) around their joined hands.

Almost through, Char, you can do this. “Do we both pledge to respect and cherish each other, honoring our commitment in times both easy and hard, until the Wheel parts us?”

“I do,” Edér said, slipping his fingers between hers.

Charity grinned wide as she replied, “I do, too.” She took what she hoped was the last steadying breath and proceeded. “Upon... Upon our solemn, freely given oaths, I now proclaim us bonded in marriage from this day on.”

She and Edér each took one of the narrow candles with their free hands and brought them together over the wider one in between until the wick kindled. Then they set down their candles, and together unbound their hands, though neither let the scarf drop as they stared at each other, the world seeming frozen in breathless anticipation.

“And now, Mayor Teylecg,” Charity broke the spell, grinning wide, voice catching, “you can kiss your wife.”

Grinning so wide she thought his face might split, Edér tugged on the scarf to bring her closer, then let go to instead wrap his arms around her waist. “Nothin’ I wanna do more, Missus Teylecg,” he said, and obliged.

Charity was vaguely aware of Tavi whooping loud enough to wake the blazing dead, but that played distant second fiddle to her husband--husband!--holding her close for a kiss so passionately, purely joyful it took her breath away. She wrapped her arms around his neck, almost dropping the scarf as her hands curved the back of his head and she went on tiptoe to deepen the kiss. They both held it as long as they could before pulling away.

Charity settled back flatfooted, her hands slipping around to cradle Edér’s jaw. “You’re a real good kisser, husband,” she whispered.

Edér grinned boyishly and rested his forehead against hers. “You ain’t too bad yourself, wife.”

She giggled and tipped her chin forward to steal another kiss. “I love you.”

He grinned even wider and kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you, too.”

“Much as I’ve been lookin’ forward to this and loathe as I am to fuckin’ interrupt,” Tavi began as she did just that, “Hendyna’ll prob’ly be here before long t’ help you ‘get ready’, Char.”

“No, you’re right,” Charity sighed. She pushed up on her toes for one more kiss from her husband. See you in a couple hours, love.”

“Can’t wait, darlin’,” Edér said, giving her another sun-bright smile as he (reluctantly) let her go.

Neither can I, Charity agreed silently as she headed back to the house.

<>O<>O<>

The Berathian ceremony paled in comparison. It was lovely, of course, and she was touched by how much the people of Dyrford seemed genuinely happy for them, and Harbinger Boedmar did a fine job. But to Charity, that one was window dressing, a show to satisfy local customs. The first one... that was the one that counted, in her mind. She really would need to find some way of thanking Tavi for the suggestion.

But that could be handled later, because she was enjoying the party. Dengler and Peycg had outdone themselves with the food, and their staff insisted on handling the serving so the two of them could join the reception, knowing how close they were to Edér and Charity. There was music and dancing and everyone she considered a friend in her chosen home was here....

But the best part--well, aside from the fact Tavi had actually dressed up for them, and stayed that way for both ceremonies--was that Edér hardly left her side through the whole joyous, wonderful party. There were moments, of course, when they were pulled in opposite directions, but they always found their way back together.

“So happy for you,” Dengler said, shaking Edér’s hand while Peycg eschewed any trace of formality and just pulled them both into a hug. Both were common sentiments among the many friends and well-wishers, and it made Charity almost feel bad about her slowly rising urge to leave. She treasured her friends, but wanted to be alone with her husband, and finally the latter won out.

“Whaddya think the odds are we can sneak away?” she whispered to Edér, head resting on his shoulder.

“Well,” he surveyed the crowd. “They all look pretty happy and occupied. But we are the reason they’re here, so... ‘bout the same as sneakin’ away from that stelgaer.” 

She snorted a laugh and rubbed her hand along the scars that still marked his arm. “’Least they won’t try to maul us...”

“True,” Edér laughed.

“Whatcha talkin’ about?” Tavi asked as she plopped down in a nearby chair.

“How to get outta here without folk makin’ a fuss,” Edér said. “We’re both ready to call it a night.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you are,” Tavi smirked.

“Not like that!” Charity automatically protested, but blushed and conceded, “Well, alright, yes like that, but I’m also just... tired of bein’ social.”

“I understand,” Tavi said with a wink. “You two just leave, I’ll handle any questions or whatever.”

Edér raised an eyebrow, one arm settling around Charity’s shoulders. “You sure, Tav?”

“Hel, Teylecg, I’m already wearin’ the closest fuckin’ thing to a dress I’ll likely ever wear in my life for you,” she laughed, tugging on the ruffle-hemmed surcoat.  “I think I can play diplomat for ya, too.”

“‘Preciate it, Tavi,” Edér said with a smile and Charity seconded that.

They waited for the right moment--when almost everyone was caught up in another fast tempo song--and snuck off, hurrying through the twilit streets hand in hand. They didn’t slow until they were almost halfway back to Charity’s--theirs now, and gods that made her giddy--house.

“Evenin’ stroll’s a good way to end things, huh?” Edér said, slipping his hand from hers to wrap his arm around her shoulders again.

“Nice an’ peaceful,” Charity agreed softly, before letting mischief color her voice as she amended, “though it ain’t over ‘til I’ve gotten this shirt back....” and wrapped one arm around his waist to tease her fingers under the green fabric meaningfully.

Edér chuckled, flinching as she brushed a ticklish spot. “I like the sound of that, but hang on til we get home, huh?”

“S’ppose I can manage that,” she said playfully. “Long as we don’t dilly dally too much. Husband.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Wife.”

----------------------------------------------------

OH MY GOD I DID IT THEY’RE MARRIED NOW WOO.

I’m gonna type up something separate with all the details about the Eothasian wedding headcanons, but I will say Charity’s dress is loosely inspired by this one(yes, Ranna, I was in your Ixamitl tag :D), just with less poofy sleeves, and Tavi’s outfit is from the Vailian clothing concept art, the one on the far right

[knightcallie]

~Thanatos Riverway~

@mauvemacabre

He absentmindedly hummed, not wanting to move from his place. Tonight was the night before the wedding, and the two needed a break from all the planning and hype. Sighing, he slightly shifted, adjusting his hold around Than. Content, he relaxed against him, feeling a soft huff. He peeked up, earning a small smile and fond eyes.

He slightly buried his face in the auburn’s chest to hide his reddening cheeks. There was a barely there rumble of a chuckle in the other’s chest, earning a brief noise before waning into a hum as pale fingers absentmindedly ran through his hair. As he relaxed, Than mumbled something, but he could care less at the moment. He felt at home. Warm. Safe.

If he could, he would spend his life like this forever.

However, the world doesn’t wait for anyone, but he’ll indulge in this as long as Than will let him. He hasn’t felt this loved, this safe for a long time. His heart still fluttered whenever he saw the auburn, whenever thoughts surrounding him popped in his head.

He loved him so much, he just— he just can’t simply explain why. His eyes were warm when he looked at him, welcoming him. His hands gently guided him into his secure embrace, protecting him. He brought this peace he hadn’t had in so long, something he had… missed…

He’s still wondering how, why he was allowed in his heart.

Than was the type to warm up slowly. But even then, Atem thought due to their contrasting personalities, he wouldn’t be let in for perhaps years. He knew he can be a bit much, too loud and at first not knowing boundaries. He was ready to accept it wouldn’t happen, despite his heart yearning.

Why would Than like someone like him, let alone love? A complete opposite, surely it would have deterred him away, kept at a respectable distance and never really getting closer. A peasant was what he was compared to him, really more of a faceless stranger now that he thought about it.

A stranger behind a mask, how can you trust them? Secrets, ignorant people would say, they’re hiding something. It made him sag a bit, a frown decorating his lips. He could see why, but they just didn’t understand. It was something held dear in the caravan, part of who they were.

But, not many would care to hear.

No, they would rather stare, judge as they gossip. He was sure there was some version of it going around Vesuvia. Hell, he’s heard it near the South End before. But he would rather be isolated than just remove his mask for their comfort. This was who he was, only those close to him were allowed that privilege.

Heh…

This was definitely something Lola brought up days before he left the caravan. She tried to convince him to stay, that it’s better here than anywhere else. He saw why she would say that, but the caravan had stopped being home. He supposed, what slowly chipped away that identity, was the slow continuous monotony despite being so lively:

Arrive, greet the people

Stay, set up the stalls and tent

Perform, please the people

Clean, hide their tracks

Leave, never looking back

Repeat.

It was… lacking. He knew very well the caravan didn’t belong anywhere, being far too different and having traveled for centuries. There was no permanent home, it became tiring. This was a constant he didn’t want for a home. Home faded so slowly until it became… hollow...

Hollow… just like how he felt after he shredded his heart into absolutely nothing. He was left empty, home becoming a void. It was, it was just so sudden, he hadn’t expected it at all. He thought, he thought home would become a home again with him, but… it all shattered, solidifying that he should leave.

And he was glad he left, glad that he didn’t listen because he wouldn’t have met such an amazing man. The same man who accepted him as his significant other after he stayed in Vesuvia for about a year or two. It felt like he was on cloud nine after… that mess of a confession. But… but gods...

He was patient with him, still all there when he talked. He was patient with his shenanigans, indulging him and making sure they don’t go too far. He was patient with the little adventures, letting him show him the simple joys. He was patient with his mask, he was so worried that something similar to Clara would happen…

Even then, he was worried that he wouldn’t… like what he saw… He has heard stories of people just up and leaving their significant others just because they didn’t like how they looked. It was something so trivial, he shouldn’t have worried, but… knowing his luck in love…

But this one, this one had been such a blessing in more ways than one, something he couldn’t ask for more. This was the constant he had craved growing up, this pleasant slow down of life. Than was silently soothing, not quite a talkative person like he was. But that was alright, his presence and actions were enough for him.

“Totki?”

Atem hummed a bit drowsily, propping up his chin on the other’s chest. A pale hand brushed his hair away from his face, revealing the slightly concerned face of his fiancé. His brows were slightly knitted together, a worried frown on his lips. His hand rested on his freckled cheek, thumb stroking along the cheekbone.

“Are you alright?”

His voice and eyes were soft, making his heart flutter and cheeks redden. He leaned into his palm, closing his eyes briefly. He placed his own hand over his, humming thoughtfully. Turning his head, he pressed a kiss to the palm before pressing another to his wrist.

“It’s just…” He pursed his lips when he looked up in those russet eyes, averting his eyes briefly, trying to think of an appropriate answer.

It took a moment, searching. And then it hit him: this is home. Breath catching in his throat, his eyes became wide, heart stopping briefly. Then the tears collected in his eyes, heart pooling with utter relief. He started to quiver, sobs escaping him.

Panic streaked Than’s face at the sight of his fiance bursting into tears. “T-Totki? Is everything okay?” he asked, sitting up as he took his face in his hands. Sitting up, he began to wipe away the tears, searching.

Atem sniffled, rubbing his cheek against the pale hand. “Yeah… yeah, it’s… it’s just…” Opening his eyes, he shifted to properly face Than, a wobbly smile stretching across his face. Moving to press his forehead against his, he looped his arms around his neck.

“Thank you, thank you so much for being home Nato…” he croaked out, his heart became full at the realization, so relieved after all this time…

Concern briefly passed through Than’s face before he stroked freckled cheeks with his thumbs. He stared for a moment longer, taking in the streaming tears, the relieved smile, the loving eyes. With a sigh, he closed his eyes before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Slowly, he moved away, brushing their noses together.

His own heart slowed to Atem’s rhythm, taking in the entirety of that sentiment. They breathed in slow, in sync, chests slowly rising and falling. It took a moment, perhaps two. His heart pooled with so much warmth at the realization that he had given his fiance a warm, tender look as he opened his eyes again.

“Thank you for being mine…”

Atem smiled, softly giggling. Lifting his head, he brushed his lips against his. “May I…?”

Than simply stroked his cheekbones. “Yes you may…”

As their lips met, warmth pooled in his heart. He was so glad he had left, so glad he had met him, so glad he had accidentally confessed, so glad he was going to tie the knot with this man.

Oh, this entire point in his life…

Oh, he was so elated.

He was beyond elated when he realized that this man was his home.

~~~

It was the wedding day. People were jogging around, people were talking. There was excitement, nervousness. There were reassurances as people fussed over the future wedded couple. Speaking of the couple, the leader of the Performance caravan, Gabelle Segovia was going to check on their fellow member.

They had ducked into the tea shop where there were final touches being done to Atem’s dress and makeup. Atem’s aura had grown so much, maturing beautifully. To say they were proud was an understatement. “Did you finally figure it out?”

Looking over their direction, the bride’s cheeks had reddened at the question, looking so in love as they averted their eyes. “I did,” they softly replied.

Gabelle smiled. “I’m glad.” They gently pushed away the veil. “I’m so glad you have found it.”

They returned it. “Me too Belle… I… I couldn’t be happier…”

They gently laughed. “By the Ones Up Above, don’t get me sappy before the actual thing starts.”

Atem gave a huff of a chuckle. “Maybe I should, because my speech is about home.”

“Oh you little puppy, you’re going to make me cry at this rate.”

It was their turn to laugh. “It’s not even one yet! And the speeches are much later.”

“Oh shush, we have to deliver the bride to the groom now,” Gabelle said as they rolled their eyes, handing them their bouquet.

They giggled as their Mama fixed the bow on the back. Tavi double checked on their makeup as their Vati stood up, a proud, soft look on his face. “Are you ready Hoffnung?” He offered his arm.

They took his arm, smiling wide. “More than anything Vati.”

He returned it. “I’m so proud of you Hoffnung,” he said. “Thanatos is a very good man.”

They smiled sweetly as their eyes averted away. “He is…”

They couldn’t wait to finally call this blessing of a man their husband.

Bonus: https://docs.google.com/document/d/18259GrJFmPWpABQR5A8JuRZOfn1Fz95gsOfb_MAxyW0

[afaithy]

A Crinkle of Fate; Ch. 9: Paroles under the moon

“Sometimes it's the crazy people that bring out the best in us” ― Aishabella Sheikh

Christmas and New year went by in a blink and spring came by soon after. The snow in the school grounds melted away and the plants started growing once more, bringing cheer and life to the cold scenery. Little by little Hogwarts was coming back to life once more after a brief period of ice and loneliness.

“Very well done, Ms. Tonks…” Professor McGonagall nodded in approvement when Tonks switched herself back to her original form. The girl smiled. With McGonagall’s careful tutoring, metamorphosing herself was becoming easier each day. She could hold her body changes for longer periods of time, but even though morphing her hair was becoming easier, the change was still unstable and at the minimal change of mood her hair but switch into another color or length which clearly frustrated the young Metamorphmagus. “Patience, Ms. Tonks. Your improvements are already very satisfactory. There’s no need to rush, we have time to work. You’re still young, for a child your age, separating feelings from your powers can be really difficult, but I’m content with your improvement. You should be proud…” the stern teacher said pushing a cup of steaming tea in front of her. Professor McGonagall was a very strict witch, so receiving a praise for her was a whole achievement. Tonks nodded and smiled in gratitude as she picked up the teacup and sipped the amber liquid. Suddenly, there a was aloud knock on the door and McGonagall pushed herself up from her desk and opened the door. Tonks couldn’t help but feel curious about who had been knocking the door so insistently, so the girl peeped from over the chair and looked over McGonagall’s shoulder. Filch was standing at the door dragging some familiar faces on his rear and Tonks had to bite her lip to contain her laughter. Filch’s head was covered by what seemed to be a mane of bright yellow feathers that reminded her of a canary. Sirius and James waved enthusiastically at her, while Peter tried to hide behind them and she saw Lupin covering his face with his hand. “Professor McGonagall…” Filch growled. “Mr. Filch...Do I want to ask?” “Caught this pair trying to hex Tavis Boreas…” “Ah...and I reckon the hex got diverted…” McGonagall said with a frown, but Tonks was sure that the older woman was hiding a smile“Reparifarge…” With a wave of her wand, McGonagall undid Filch’s hideous hairdo and stared sternly at the four boys with a raised eyebrow. “You can leave now, Mr. Filch. I will handle this…” Filch let out an angry growl as he walked away glaring at the four Gryffindors and mumbling something about nasty students and their nasty spells and Tonks just wondered how someone who disliked kids as much could be a school’s caretaker. “Ms. Tonks, I think we can call it a day. It seems I have some business to take care with my...students. I’ll see you next week…” “Yes, professor McGonagall.” Tonks jumped out of her seat and it was then that she realized that she had forgotten to put on her hood and she rushed pull it up before any of the boys could notice her hair turning brightly magenta. She smiled at them and rushed out of the office before any of the boys could say something. McGonagall closed the door behind her and turned to the four boys with a stern frown that would have terrified the bravest man, but Sirius and James were already too used to it by now. The pair gave the teacher one of their most charming smiles and Lupin had to shake his head to not laugh. “Well, I expected this from Potter, Black and Pettigrew; but Lupin?” “Well, can’t help it…”Sirius shrugged “Considering what they were saying, professor?” “I see. Was Mr. Boreas saying something about you, then. I’d expect you to know better than to listen…” “It wasn’t about me…” Lupin shrugged. “Yeah, not us…” Black nodded “I can take the hit. I couldn’t care less about what that miserable git has to say...but...he was going and going about my cousin and that I couldn’t tolerate it. Muggles or not, they were her family and we weren’t going to let him talk so disgustingly about the death...” And Lupin had agreed. Usually, he was the voice of reason in the quartet trying to stop his friends from taking things a little too far, but when he had heard Boreas talking about the murder of the Tonks with such pleasure, he had gotten pretty mad. Perhaps it was because of the upcoming full moon, but he was a little less tolerant of the Slytherin’s sick sense of humor. When Sirius had said he’d hex him, Lupin didn’t try to persuade him otherwise. McGonagall’s face seemed to soften when she heard their explanation. The Gryffindor teacher seemed to quite sympathetic to Tonks, despite not being a student from her house. “I just regret that the hex got Filch instead of Boreas…” Sirius pouted “But I don’t regret the original target…” James hadn’t said a word, but he was nodding in agreement. “We just didn’t want him talking about it when Tonks is around…”Lupin sighed “She says she’s better, but...it’s still a sensitive topic.” “Boreas is an ar….bad person. So the only way to shut him was to teach him a lesson…” James threw in matter of factly. McGonagall’s brow was raised. The woman pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a soft sigh. She could see the noble intention in the four Gryffindor’s actions, but rules were rules; and there wasn’t a reasonable excuse to hex another student. “You will serve detention for three weeks I will owl you when the time comes. For now,10 points less for Gryffindor...I do hope you will refrain yourselves from acting like this in the future…” she said firmly “You may leave now…” The four boys nodded and thanked the professor before leaving the office discreetly. Sirius was particularly annoyed about the unfairness of the situation, but Lupin reasoned that McGonagall had actually gone easy on them. When the quartet turned around the corner and found Tonks sitting at the stairs with her chin resting on her hand and playing with a furry cat. “Waiting for us, cous?” Sirius said with a grin. “Nope...just got distracted with him…” Tonks replied pointing at the cat “Of course I was waiting for you. So...how did it go?” “We have detention for the next three weeks…” James answered “I think this is the first official detention that Remus gets...haha...how does it feel, mate?” “Should I be feeling something?” Lupin replied. “Well, you’re the good boy. I expected you to feel all disappointed and all..” “I honestly don’t regret what I did…” Lupin replied “so if I was feeling like that it’d be hypocritical..” “And what exactly did you do?” Tonks asked tilting her head. “Hah...Remus, is a genius. While we distracted everyone with the canary head hex, Remus used the Furuncle Hex on Boreas. He’s going to be in a hell of a pain, he’d never know why…” Sirius smirked. “And this is the first time that Remus takes initiative to hex someone. Usually he’s just trying to persuade us not to do it…” “ I think we should celebrate that…” Peter said with a smirk “I can go pick up some snacks in the kitchens.” “I might have been a little...annoyed. “ Lupin smiled. “He...was...brilliant…” Sirius said putting his arm around Lupin’s shoulders “By the way cous, I just saw you without your hoodie back in McGonagall’s. You have a pretty nice head, why hide it?” “Well, that’s none of your business….ha….” she said sticking her tongue at him “Hoodie’s are my style, leave me alone…” “I just say it is a pity to hide it …” Sirius chuckled “What were you doing at McGonagall’s anyway?” “Oh,..I have special transfigurations tutoring with her…” Tonks replied. “What? Why…?” “Because I’m a talented girl” Tonks replied winking at them. “I never got special classes in first year...and I was top in Transfigurations!” James said indignant. “Actually, Remus was top. You were second…” Peter snorted. “Irrelevant…” Tonks seemed a little conflicted and Lupin guessed that she was probably worried about what explanation she should give them, so he was quick to come in her aid. “Well, James. I don’t see why you care. It’s not like you’d have liked to have extra classes…” he said with a smile. “Good point. I’m alright with quidditch training instead.” “So...what are you doing now, cous?” “Well, I have got ingredient gathering with Slughorn. I’m going to pester Severus while he collects tubeworms, of course…” “Aren’t you a little too clingy at him?” Sirius frowned “Don’t tell me you fancy Snivellus…” “What? Of course not. THe thing is, the more he’s annoyed the more fun is too pester him…” she laughed “You can tag along if you have nothing else to do. I doubt Slughorn is going to complain…” “Well, we can do that…” Sirius shrugged “Lead the way, Tonksie…” ***

“Ah...more students I see…” Slughorn smiled when Tonks arrived with the boys and she saw Snape roll his eyes. The boy had taken off his robes and rolled the end of his pants many times as he prepared to step into the shallow pond. Tubeworms were aquatic, so it made sense that they’d have to get a little wet to get them. “I reckon there’s little chance that there are leeches in there, right?” Tonks said looking at the swampy water with apprehension. “Scared of leeches, Nymphadora?” At the use of her name, she rolled her eyes and splashed Snape in annoyance. “Excuse me if I dislike the idea of worms sucking my blood…” “Ah don’t worry, Ms. Tonks. There are no leeches in this pond, a few tadpoles perhaps….but no leeches.” Slughorn said cheerfully. “Ah, well...I can deal with tadpoles…” she replied removing her shoes and socks. The water felt cold around her legs and she shuddered. The rest of the group had gotten into the pond as well and she saw Sirius and James kicking water at each other between laughs. She could hear Snape’s annoying sighe a few feet from her and she snickered. Peter seemed slightly dubious about getting into the water and -always caring- Lupin was coaxing him to get in. “All right, children…” Slughorn said clapping his hands to get their attention “Tubeworms aren’t difficult to find, but the trick is in catching them. They are quite slippy so make sure to hold them right. We need the red ones, so if it isn’t red you can release it!” Catching a tubeworms was much easier said than done; at least for Tonks who had to struggle not to lose her footing every two minutes. Slughorn hadn’t been joking when he said that Tubeworms were hard to hold, she thought as she lost the grip of the one she’d been trying to catch for the past 5 minutes. Tonks let out an annoyed sigh and looked around her. Snape was in full focus mode, she could have been dying and the boy would probably not even notice it; James and Sirius were enjoying themselves chasing after the worms and splashing anything on their way; Peter seemed to be having fun on his own, too, even when he was evidently not fond of getting splashed by the other two...and Lupin… Tonks suddenly realized that she couldn’t see him. He was nowhere to be seen, but she was sure that he’d been there just a minute ago. Lost in her thoughts about Lupin’s whereabouts, Tonks feet got stuck between a couple rocks and with a lot of noise -and splashing- she fell into the water dragging Snape along with her, when she grabbed his shirt, or at least she thought it was Snape. “I was wondering when that would happen…” someone laughed by her side. Lupin’s shoulder were shaking in laughter. His brown hair was covered in plants and his clothes were completely drenched. “Remus! Where did you come out from?” “What are you talking about? I was behind you the whole time haha…” “Why in Merlin’s beard where you behind me?” Tonks said wide eyed. Well that, at least, explained why she hadn’t seen him “Do you have a death wish? Now you’re all drenched because of me…” “Haha...it’s not a big thing. Just some water...it’s not going to….” Tonks would never know what it wouldn’t do since his words were interrupted when hundreds of Tubeworms began jumping around them. She wasn’t scared of bugs, but the sudden appearance of hundred of worms ready to hit her was a sight that could scare anyone and she wasn’t the only one panicking. “Children ...children…!” Slughorn voice cried loudly above the sound of screams, laughter and splashing “Children, please calm down! It’s alright, tubeworms aren’t dangerous. This is their normal reaction to stress...!” After the whole panicking part had passed, the situation was actually rather amusing and after a few minutes, all of them -Snape included- were chuckling at the absurdness of the situation. By the end of the afternoon, the red tubeworms had been collected and the six students were soaked and exhausted, but very amused. None of them would ever look at tubeworms the same way anymore.

*** Full moon arrived a couple days after their misadventure with the tubeworms, and like other nights, Tonks was anxious and restless. She rounded the edge of the forest with her hands tucked inside her pockets until she reached her usual sport. She had sneaked some meatballs from dinner with the intention of feeding Mr. Wolfie when she saw him that night; at least, she hoped she’d see him. She rested her back against the large rock that she usually used as seat and stared at the sky. The moon was particularly big tonight: round and shiny. It was a breathtaking sight, but to her it was just sad. There was no reason in particular, the moon just made her feel like that. The sound of a broken branch made her turn her head. “Mr.Wolfie...is that you?” she said. Two amber eyes stared at her from the shadows and Tonks smiled pushing herself up, but the moment the wolf stepped out from the shadows, her heart froze. It wasn't Mr. Wolfie. This wolf was bigger, with a thick coat of black fur; its eyes were threatening and it’s mouth showed some sharp teeth leaking on saliva. Tonks didn’t need to look twice to know that, unlike Mr. Wolfie, this wolf was ready to attack her without mercy and she took a step back. The unknown wolf was growling as he got closer and closer and Tonks was mentally debating whether to run or not. If you face a wild animal, don’t run...Nym. Sudden movements can scare them and trigger their aggressiveness...you must move slow and quiet… Her grandfather’s words echoed in her head as she took another step back: slow and silently. The wolf was staring at her threatening as it moved closer and closer; then suddenly it jumped over her. Forgetting about been quiet and careful, Tonks let out a screech and managed to dodge the wolf barely by a few centimeters. The wolf turned around in a quick spin and jumped at her once more. Tonks threw herself aside to avoid the animal; this time she wasn’t as lucky and the wolf managed to scratch her leg leaving a long deep cut. She moaned in pain and tried to get back on her feet before it attacked her again, but the pain in her leg wasn’t letting her move. The wolf seemed to understand her situation and Tonks could almost swear that it was smirking. The wolf readied itself to attack and the girl closed her eyes awaiting the impac; but it never came. When she opened her eyes she saw Mr. Wolfie standing between her and the wolf. The difference in sizes was evident, but Mr. Wolfie didn’t seem to care. He was showing his fangs and growling angrily. What happened next was so fast that Tonks could barely understand it. Mr. Wolfie had jumped over the wolf sinking its fangs on a spot on its neck. The wolf had let out a groan and shook Mr. Wolfie off from himself. The two wolves struggle against each other and Tonks was terrified for Mr. Wolf’s safety. She had brought out her wand, but as the two canines were now too close to each other, she was afraid that if she tried a spell, she would hit Mr. Wolfie by mistake. A few minutes of despair passed, and finally the wolf seemed to give up. It growled at Mr. Wolfie one last time before running off into the forest with its tail tucked between its legs. Tonks let out a sigh of relief. Mr. Wolfie had won the fight, but to her horror, he hadn’t made it unscathed. Ignoring the throbbing pain in her leg, Tonks rushed to the limping wolf. He seemed startled by her sudden presence, but after sneezing the air he seemed to recognize her and the wolf relaxed. “Oh, no...Mr. Wolfie….” she cried “You’re injured!” Mr. Wolf was limping, his right front paw had a nasty gash that was bleeding; the rest of the injuries were minor scratches, much to Tonks relief. However the injury on his paw was worrying; it was bleeding to much and if it got infected, Mr. Wolfie could get very sick. She had to do something, but she wasn’t a healer and she knew nothing of healing spells unlike her dad. Tonks looked around desperately trying to think of something when she noticed a bush a few meters from them. She recognized it immediately. “Wait here...I’ll be right back…” Snape’s christmas gift was doing honor to its name, she thought as she limped to the small patch of plants. The plants had a soft, woolly covering of white-grey hair on its stems and round green leaves with tiny rose-pink flowers surrounded by brighter purple-pink bracts: Dittany. The book had said that the plant had very powerful healing properties even in its raw state. Tonks pulled out a few of the plants and hurried back to where Mr. Wolfie was licking his injury. “All right...let’s see…” she said to herself “What did the book said….” Tonks did a great effort to remember the entry on Snape’s book: macerate the plant and apply directly over the wound. Secure it with bandage making sure to apply pressure. “Ok...Macerate first…” she said picking a couple rocks and starting smash the plants between them “then...apply on the injury….I’m sorry Mr. Wolfie...this might sting a little…” A little was probably overrated, considering the growl that Mr. Wolfie had made when she had put the green paste on his paw. Tonks waited for the wolf to calm down before proceeding. “Apply pressure with a bandage….but I don’t have bandages!” she cried in panic “Ok...no, Tonks...you gotta calm down and think. There has to be something you can use instead…” The girl began poking into her pockets searching for anything useful until she stumbled with her white handkerchief. It had been her grandmother’s. Tonks stared at the piece of cloth; it was a memento from her beloved grandmother and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t reluctant to let it go, but Mr. Wolfie had gotten injured because of her; he had saved her. Her grandmother would have prompt her to do it. Tonks shook her head and used the handkerchief to bandage Mr. Wolfie’s paw making sure that it was tight enough to ensure contact with the plant, but not too tight to harm him more. “There...this...should do, I think…” she said looking at the wolf. His amber eyes were stuck on here “I’m so sorry...you got hurt because of me…” Mr. Wolfie nudged her hand in a gesture that tried to tell her it was alright. The wolf then turned to look at her bleeding leg and turned back to her with stern eyes. “It’s nothing...it’s a scratch…” she replied understanding the meaning behind those stern eyes “I will put the rest of the dittany on it and it should heal without problems…” The wolf was staring at her with something that Tonks could only interpret as concern. Why was he so worried, she wouldn’t know. After a few minutes she looked at her leg and the gash was gone leaving only a faint mark. “See? It’s gone. I’m alright. It wasn’t that deep…” she said scratching his head “it could have been worse, but...you saved me…” The wolf closed his eyes enjoying the girl’s touch;he leaned his head on her lap and letting it rest there. The fight with the other werewolf had left him exhausted and he could sense the worry, panic and terror from his human side, but there was nothing that he could do until tomorrow. For now, all he wanted was sleep.

Lupin woke up back in the Shrieking Shack the next morning. His muscles were stiff and in pain making him groan in discomfort as he pushed himself up from the ground. As he looked around himself to assess the damage done by his misadventures he noticed Tonks’s white handkerchief was still tied on his arm as a friendly reminder.. Tonks! She’d been attacked by a werewolf last night. Why and how it was there, he had no idea; but he didn’t want to think what could have happened if he hadn’t made it on time to interfere. His memories were fuzzy, but he could remember the important parts. Tonks had been injured, but it had been a scratch and not a bite and besides that and the evident panic in her, she’d been unharmed. For the first time in his life, he was grateful to his wolf for protecting her. Lupin stared at the handkerchief. The white cloth was soaked in his dried blood and putting aside his worries, he was amazed by Tonks actions. She had just been attacked by one of his kind, and yet there she was, panicking and almost crying because he’d been hurt. Lupin smiled faintly; the boy waved his wand and the blood in the fabric vanished, leaving the item clean. Lupin folded the piece of fabric carefully and put it inside the inner pocket of his robe. He would figure out a way to give it back to her. Madam Pomfrey wasn’t too thrilled with his scratches, but as usual, the nurse didn’t ask how he had gotten hurt and devoted herself to heal them as best as she could and force feed him a pain easing potion. Almost two hours later, the woman had been satisfied enough to release him. Lupin wanted to check on Tonks and make sure that his memories hadn’t fooled him and that the girl was indeed okay, but he needed to speak to professor Dumbledore first. The boy gave to gargoyle the password hoping that it hadn’t been changed and was relieved when the statue moved aside and let him pass. Dumbledore was pacing around his office when he knocked. The old wizard a smiled at him from behind his half moon spectacles with a welcoming look. “Ah, Mr. Lupin. What an unexpected surprise. I would have expected you to be in bed after a rough night of full moon…” Snuggling in bed was definitely something that Lupin wanted, but priorities had to be addressed before he could spoil himself. “Yes, professor. It was a rough night…” Lupin answered “but...there was something I needed to tell you and...well, it was important…” “Then please take seat, Mr. Lupin. I am sure you’re barely able to stay on your feet…” Lupin accepted Dumbledore’s offer and sat down in front of the headmaster’s desk. Dumbledore paced around the room for moment before coming back and sitting down. Soon a cup of tea had been poured in front of Lupin and some chocolate biscuits appeared magically in a plate. “Please, I don’t reckon you have had breakfast yet…” Dumbledore smiled “So...what’s this important thing you need to tell me about?” Lupin took a bite of the biscuit as he tried to think how to phrase it. He didn’t want to get Tonks into troubles for walking around during forbidden hours. “Yesterday…” he began “There was another werewolf in the school grounds…” Dumbledore looked at him silently. He was waiting for the boy to continue. “It attacked a student; I …” “You don’t need to worry about it. Ms. Tonks wasn’t bitten…” Lupin was frozen. His green eyes looked at Dumbledore with a mix of confusion and horror. “Hagrid found her asleep in the pumpkin orchard with some scratches and a partially healed laceration on her leg this morning. Naturally, we had to address the situation…” “Is she…?” “Her leg will heal properly as long as she doesn’t trip in the next few hours…” Dumbledore smiled at him. There was a small glint of amusement in his blue eyes “I don’t remember her parents to be so clumsy and accident pron. Makes you wonder where she might have taken that from, don’t you think, Mr. Lupin?” Lupin didn’t answer…. “Her story was quite...interesting. She was quite concerned about a certain...wolf that had gotten himself injured trying to protect her from another one.. I believe she called him...Mr. Wolfie?” Lupin chuckled weakly. Why she had come with such a silly name, he had no idea, but somehow he found it cute from her. “Am I right to assume you are Mr. Wolfie, Mr. Lupin?” Dumbledore asked. His smile had gotten bigger. “I know I shouldn’t have...I’m dangerous to her and…” “Well, Mr. Lupin...judging by the events from last night. I am actually glad that you did. If it hadn’t been for you, I’m afraid that Ms. Tonks would have more than a injured leg…” And he knew Dumbledore was right. If his wolf hadn’t had the instinct….no, the necessity to make sure Tonks safe, she could have been killed. Wasn’t it the whole reason why the wolf had made a habit of accompanying the girl during her Full Moon strolls? And then, the unanswered question that kept popping in his head after every full moon came once more: why? “I don’t understand it professor…” Lupin said “Werewolves...we are dangerous creatures. We live to kill and hurt people, it doesn’t matter who...but...with her...it’s different. It’s like ...I still know her, even if I’m a wolf…” Dumbledore stared at him with his usual inquisitive look that made Lupin feel as he was being carefully examined. “Some things in this world are too complex to be explained…” Dumbledore finally said “It is, indeed, unheard of a werewolf that could recognize his friends and family in his transformed form, however… Mr. Lupin, unheard doesn’t mean it is impossible…” “I just...don’t understand it. Why her? I can’t even recognize my parents…” “Yes, but perhaps because Ms. Tonks seems to be a very special case…” “Special...case?” “Yes, she might have something that no one that has seen you in your transformed form ever did…” “I don’t know what, sir.” “Think of it, Mr. Lupin. What’s the first thing anyone who sees you as a wolf think? Feel?” Lupin stared at the amber liquid in his cup. What would anyone feel? Hatred? Disgust? ….Fear? “Fear…” he finally said “Tonks wasn’t scared of me….even when she saw I was a wolf.” Dumbledore smiled in approval. “Yes, Ms. Tonks is quite a special young lady in more ways than one. I was warned beforehand, by her parents, about her difficulties to stay put during the Full Moons; so I was keeping an eye on her during her night strolls…” Lupin was now staring at the professor with confusion. “I must admit I was a little worried the first time you two met…” “You….saw that, sir?” “Oh, I did. I originally intended to interfere, but I am now happy that I didn’t. It’s been rather interesting to see how the relationship between her and her werewolf friend evolved.” Lupin thought Dumbledore was crazy. Hadn’t he thought about the dangers? But then again, a part of him was thankful that he’d allowed Tonks to stay with him in those horrid nights. “Tonks...is a strange girl…”he sighed “ people would say she’s crazy for some of the things she says…” “And yet...sometimes the crazy ones are the wisest ones. Ms. Tonks certainly can be quite wise for her age, wouldn’t you say so Mr. Lupin?” He didn’t answer, but hadn’t he thought the same thing a few times before? “From what I’ve heard from Professor McGonagall. You and your friends have become quite protective of hear, so I wouldn’t say that it is only the wolf who seems rather attracted, and she seems fond of you as well…” “She doesn’t know what I am, professor.” “And do you think that would make a difference?” Of course it’d make a difference. People was different when they knew, but somewhere in his head a little voice told him that she wouldn’t care, and he wanted to believe it. Dumbledore chuckled. “I reckon that only time will tell. Thank you for telling me about the werewolf. I shall look into this matter to prevent any future incidents. In the meantime, Mr. Lupin...perhaps you will want to take a well deserved rest…”