#Whatever you heard girls talking about out of context in school is what people are hearing

[theysherobinbuckley]

a little something I started but probably won't ever finish - alternate first meeting steddie! post s3, pre s4

(context: in an effort to cheer up his perpetually grumpy new neighbor, Eddie broke out his old skateboard and immediately ate shit for it. Cue Red calling none other than Steve Harrington to solve the problem...)

Red was barely in the door when Harringron turned on him, jaw clenched and fingers twitching. Having those dark eyes focused so entirely on him nearly made Eddie dizzy.

His lips were moving and- oh shit. Eddie was totally supposed to be listening.

"Uh, what?"

"What are you doing hanging around Max?"

Eddie frowned. "We're neighbors?"

"So?"

"So I'm being… neighborly? Is that illegal?"

"Neighborly is getting someone's mail while they're out of town. Not a super senior hanging around with a girl who's not even in high school yet."

"You better be fucking careful what you're accusing me of, Harrington, because to be honest, you don't look any better. Don't think I haven't heard your beemer pull up at all hours of the night. What the fuck is that about, huh? King Steve likes 'em young?"

Eddie's back hit the trailer before the last word even left his mouth. All the breath rushed out of him at once as Harrington pinned him with one arm across his shoulders.

"Don’t fucking say that," he seethed. "She's like my sister. I'm not- I wouldn't hurt her."

Eddie reached up to pat Harrington's arm placatingly, sending him as sweet a smile as he could muster.

"Hey, I believe you, man. I'm a little lost, sure, but I believe you." He sent a look to the trailer to his right. "Now can you let me down before Muriel sends Axel out to break your arm?"

Harrington followed his gaze and, upon seeing Muriel frowning from behind her curtains, dropped Eddie faster than if he'd told him he had the plague.

"We're in my kingdom now, Harrington," he said, grinning and waving in Muriel's direction. "These are my people. We take care of each other here. And Red's one of us, whether you like it or not."

Steve frowned, opened his mouth to respond, maybe even protest, but Eddie cut him off.

"I was just trying to make the kid smile, okay? So I got out my old skateboard, did a few tricks, busted my shit." He held up the ice pack he'd stolen from Red's fridge. "She called you 'cause she said you'd know what to do."

Harrington was quiet. Noticeably, he did not apologize for jostling Eddie's extremely sore wrist, but whatever.

"Did she?"

"Yeah, man, I tried to talk her out of it, but she seemed pretty confident you'd pick up. And here you are, so…"

"No, I mean- did she have fun?"

Eddie shrugged. "I mean, she didn't look as miserable as usual. Laughed a couple times when I fucked up a dismount. What's up with that, by the way? The constant dispair?"

Harrington's whole body tensed, and Eddie was almost scared he was gearing up to punch him just for asking.

"You remember Billy Hargrove?" he replied, his voice tight.

Eddie couldn't help but sneer at the mention of that piece of shit. Wayne had always taught him not to speak ill of the dead, but that didn't mean he couldn't think some choice things about him. Like the fact that he was pretty sure the guy was rotting in hell for all the things he'd said to Jeff in the school halls.

"Unfortunately. What about him?"

"He was Max's older brother. Step-brother."

"That's..."

"Fucked?" Harrington supplied. Eddie nodded. "Yeah. So I just- I need to make sure another Hargrove doesn't come around. Sorry I got all... you know. I've been told I can be kind of intense."

"No shit," Eddie laughed. "No hard feelings, I guess. Since it's in Red's best interest."

"No hard feelings," Harrington echoed. "Thanks for looking out for her."

Then, something Eddie had never even dreamed of: Harrington stuck his hand out, clearly expecting a handshake.

Huh.

It was over in a second, but Eddie's hand burned where Steve's had been.

"No problem. I'm kind of the park babysitter," Eddie replied. "Part of the job description."

Harrington lit up at that.

"I babysit too! Max and a few of her friends. 'S why I'm always around. I'm usually playing chauffeur for one of the other gremlins."

"That makes more sense than you having a torrid love affair with Susan."

"Yeah, she's not really my type," Harrington said with a smirk.

Eddie watched in shock as Harrington's eyes slowly, deliberately dipped up and down his form.

Talk about fucking whiplash. Eddie could still feel Harrington's strong arm against his chest, the brush of Harrington's nose against his own, the heat of Harrington's breath on his face. And now the king was checking him out?

"I see. Not into MILFs?"

Eddie was in the middle of making plans to staple his big stupid mouth shut when Harrington laughed.

"I'm more into brunettes."

And boy, didn't that seem pointed.

[olderthannetfic]

fandom social justice history anon here - aaah, thank you, early fandom being dominated by academics definitely connected the dots I was missing, thank you! Yeah, now looking at it with this in mind, it's pretty obvious how the tone of the meta essays from that era, while often snarky or even outraged, definitely sounds more like the tone of people who are used to passionately arguing in a setting that doesn't allow you to just throw whatever ad hominem accusation at your opponent's head. In contrast, tumblr's (and as a result, twitter's and tiktok's) style of fandom drama now reads to me even more blatantly like a catfight between high schoolers who have just recently learned some Big Words they only care to use as ammunition. I've read multiple older fans (including your invaluably informative blog) talking about how tumblr definitely reshaped fandom and brought in a TON of new people, and how slash was far from the "mainstream" of fandom even in the livejournal-ffn.net days, and I'm having a feeling that, for all the imperfections of this first tumblr generation of fans' activism ("let my gays marry" etc etc) the thing that got slash to be "mainstreamed" within fandom the way it currently is, also has to do with this pretty sizeable influx of new fans being mostly teenagers. As in specifically, overwhelmingly teenage girls who were having their first sparks of interest in romance during the height of the "I'm not like other girls" era + everyone shitting on twilight & "girly" musicians, because if you look at the posts from that period, they often contrast being a slash reader with being the slutty partying "other girl" or annoying hipster & at my school too slash kind of spread as a "not like the other girls" alternative to mainstream romance. Yes, not the healthiest attitude either, and it's good we've mostly grown past that, but like I said, there's a good chance that was what buffed up the numbers of slash fans to the point where today people are surprised fandom ever even was hostile to it, and at least in my environment, fandom activism, for all its flaws, was most people's first exposure to any sort of "-rights" activism at all. But (as is probably obvious) I did not experience most of even that era personally (I joined tumblr fandom in 2014). Anyways, excuse the rambling, if you feel like adding anything to confirm or deny my hypothesis, I greatly appreciate it, and I hope you have a nice day/evening!

--

M/M still isn't mainstream in plenty of fandom contexts, just not the ones I hang out in, and "not like the other girls" of the type you describe was already big in the 90s among people who'd heard of fanfic. It's just that fanfic was harder to stumble across overall.

I think the two biggest factors are the changing attitudes towards gayness in mainstream culture in a number of countries and... well... AO3 getting popular.

FFN was the big place in the past, though not for my crowd. Now, AO3 is taking a massive bite out of not only its market share but now, in the last few years, Wattpad's.

When the visible institution around which fanfic revolves puts filtering out het front and center, it sends a strong message that previous fandom platforms did not. You had your m/m-only archives and your f/f-only archives and your places that let you filter for those but that treated het as an unmarked default.

Look at early discussions of AO3. There's an undercurrent there that we all assumed it would be one of a number of archives and that we didn't expect it to get this big.

Nobody could have foreseen the Het-Is-Eternal-Default Wattpad crowd being forced by their own platform's suckitude to come camp on the thing built by slashers. Now, we are the admins and they are the also-tolerated. That never happened before.

The thing that makes people not report gay hand holding as evil porn that must be eradicated is simply AO3 putting its foot down.

Anyone who thinks that virulent slash hate is gone just hasn't looked at other spaces.

This is not about individual fans behaving better: it is about institutional power.

[torturedblue]

It’s the middle of the week, have some dancing turtles

Spoilers below as I gush about my Mutant Mayhem Monday experience 🤗 please feel free to gush with me I wanna hear other people’s thoughts too!

First off… When Seth wanted to put the teenager in TMNT he meant it. Like, all the versions act like teenagers, but like Nickelodeon PG stereotypical teens. MM turtles were the realest PG-13 outta pocket 21st century teenagers I’ve ever seen and I love that shit because it’s the first time I actually felt like I was around the kids in middle school and high school again with the way they talk. Kinda appreciate Superfly cussing too? Like idk it’s Ice Cube and this villain goes hard tryna kill some teenage turtles he formally saw as his lil cousins, let the grown mutant cuss

Also uh, was not expecting to be sad so early in the movie? Like I could tell from the trailers it was gon be an emotional rollercoaster but shit like ten minutes in and these turtles are fuckin depressed. And to see it really hit me because in every other version (except for Bayverse) the turtles literally never let not being part of the human world get to them. In the shows especially they’re so well adjusted and never bothered by sticking to the shadows. Then there’s Rise where they pretty much go out whenever they want and indulge in most of the human world stuff they want to. For these guys to be so stunted and desperate to have more freedom was so heart wrenching. Especially when Splinter grounds them for a whole month and the reality sinks in of how much they know the life they want isn’t an option for them

Wasn’t expecting any kind of ship or romance but that crush Leo has on April hit me like truck because…… holy crap the Leo-April pair has never been a thing? On top of that this is only the second on screen black April we’ve seen and I’ve been a Leo kinnie across the board since day one so to see this combo of my favorite character liking a black girl is making me lose my mind 🥲 and like it got me thinking of several of my favorite shows and the single characters I kin in those and if they’ve ever had black love interests and it’s just still not a common normalized thing honestly.

I’m sure a lot of people aren’t excited for the prospect of ships coming back (especially after 2012 scarred us) but as a Leo lover and black girl it got me so excited to see something like this. I’m just hopeful and optimistic they won’t mess it up like a lot of shows do. The “this is just as friends line” already makes me a little worried bc that trope never has a good history but I have faith they’ll handle things tastefully and not make it toxic or messy

MURDER THE SHREKS!

“I assume you’d wanna be on camera. ‘Cause you have, like a very camera ready look…” OKAY SMOOOOOTH LEONARDOOOOOO 👏🏽

Could not stop laughing while he was shooting his shot my face was literally donnie’s restraining myself from bursting out laughing

Just a couple of my favorite questions that April wrote down for them:

“Do you carry salmonella?” Look I still don’t know wtf salmonella is but it’s the second time a TMNT iteration has joked about it so I’m starting to think it has something specifically to do with turtles 👀

“Have you caught covid?” Oml covid exists in this world

“Are you the source of covid?” OUT OF LINE 💀

“How many people has the red bandana turtle stabbed? Does he need therapy?” Yes.

“Does sunlight cause you to burst into flames?” They’re- they’re not vampires? 😂

Leon Ardo deserves the world and whatever he wants in it give him everything 😭

I will never understand what made Donnie laugh so hard at the name Nardo other than it being because it’s his sibling and that it bothers Leo lmao

All imma say about the puke scene is that I’m glad I heard an “out of context” spoiler about it bc I knew exactly when to look away and I’m glad I did bc the scene lasted for so long??? 😀❓But hey at least I had Unwritten to listen too while I was sparing my eyes 😂

The sequence of them going around and shaking down those gangs and Superfly’s connections. BAD. ASS. And each of them got their own moments to shine? Loved it. Like they each even got to take point and have their moments where they got to kick in the door lol. And the fight scenes were just, muah. Chef’s kiss, they all looked amazing taking grown ass adults down together

Okay Splinter definitely gets the best dad award for putting together that little surprise party, with all the celebrity Chris’s and pretending to wait on them 🥺 so pure. It did make me sad the guys immediately left and you can just see such a sad dejected look on Splinter’s face, knowing he can’t provide what his kids really want or make them happy enough without it 🥲 At the very least they say thanks and that they appreciate but I would’ve at least stayed for a lil bit and gone along with it, Splinter just looked so excited about it and it was so sweet 😭

And he doesn’t even get upset though he knows they’re hiding something, he just says he’ll help them if they’ve gotten into trouble, which is something I’m sure almost every kid has wanted instead of having the kind of relationship where they’re more scared of telling their parents they messed up instead of handling it on their own

I love how musical Superfly’s family is 😂 Ray Filet just starts sing-introducing his name and Mondo and the other couple mutants when they drive with in the car trying to find music they could all sing to together 🥹 not to mention the musical references Superfly makes later that I’ll get to. “Kinda don’t wanna murder everyone on Earth, I just kinda wanna sing” Me too bruh.

Raph immediately going “goochi goochi goo” and playing peekaboo with Genghis frog is so underrated that boy has such a soft side he’s not even that afraid of showing at times, and maybe it’s continuing the trope of Raph having a soft spot for pets/animals? Who knows 😌

Yo I was kinda shook when that government guy knocked Leo out and he just fell unconscious on the ground 😶 Like we’re used to seeing the authorities be brutal especially in movies like this but that’s a whole teenager? You just assaulted a minor? 🙂 Crazy

Also I know it’s sad they got captured and drained painfully but Mikey in that scene was hilarious 😂 like even the way he was dramatically crying and Leo was just started to cry with him like “iM sO sOrRy mIkEeEeEy! 😭” gold. When one of his children is hurting Leo hurts too. One of my favorite moments 🤣

They literally started singing BTS while being tortured they’re so unserious but like in a serious way to them and I love it. Also the fact that they did it just to make Donnie feel better? So pure. Like Raph of all turtles offered to sing while being drained of blood (bc I refuse to use the m word 💀)

The way Splinter snuck in and soloed literal government soldiers single handedly? Badass. Never loved seeing a Splinter save his sons so much 🥹

“But it’s the only way we’ll be accepted.”

“No! We accept you!”

“You can come live with us! We accept you!”

“WE VIBE!”

Oml they’re so puuuuure 😭 I really thought this was gonna be a moment where the guys invite them all to come live with them and Splinter was gonna be like ‘aha 😬 whoa slow down there’ but damn nah he was just as enthusiastic as them inviting all those mutants to come live in their home forever “The more the merrier!” Like ugh he just loves finding family like Baxter Stockman and we see where the guys got their loving nature from 🥹

The amount of his soul Mikey put into that BROSEEEPH was so real like I’ve never heard the name broseph be said in any other way, I’m so glad they put that moment in there

“New York, New York!” “I’m the king of New York!”

Oml superfly’s a Broadway baby 🤗 he’s a big bad villain marching through time square and talking about King Kong but he’s fill gonna nerd out and make his musical theatre references 😂

“For once in your life you didn’t sound lame. You actually started to sound like a leader”

“That was really heartfelt Raph”

I love the Leo Raph dynamic in this movie. Like they don’t always agree or understand each other but they will show love towards one another and show mutual appreciation

Something about any of the turtles shells cracking always gets to me for some reason like those are some serious permanent injuries so I want to see if they do anything special with that in the sequel or show maybe 🤔 And I couldn’t tell if all of theirs cracked or just one, and if so which turtle it was. I think Leo or Raph. I feel like it was Leo but Raph’s are also starting to have a trend of getting cracks in their shells so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I do not want to judge what other people like to wear but why are Raph and Donnie the only normal dressed ones 😭 like Mikey looks like he’s going on vacation and Leo looks like he’s going to clock in at Best Buy 😂 tell me it’s because they have limited resources for clothes lmao. HE’S LITERALLY WEARING A LANYARD

Them taking off the masks was crazy honestly… like them deciding not to wear them made my brain pause until I realize they’re kids going to school now and not being ninjas all the time… they don’t need them anymore. I’m just so pleased with the fact that this movie was willing to do what all other iterations weren’t. I see why they’re getting a sequel and show already, these guys and the plot development deserve so much more exploration

Maybe I missed something in the beginning but I’m wondering where Stockman went. Like is he still in custody? Did he die? Because not seeing him again that’s what I assumed but we only saw him get arrested or whatever, so if anything I don’t get why Superfly and the others wouldn’t try to break him out 🤔 I was surprised they didn’t make him a villain though, but I’m pretty happy about him getting to be a more optimistic kind character tho

SHREDDER HAD ME SHOOK LIKE THE ARMOR ALREADY LOOKED SO COOL AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GET THE BIG BAD INVOLVED AHHHH I’M SO READY TO SEE THEM REACT TO THIS ANGRY GIANT TIN CAN

Although I do wonder if Shredder’s gonna have some personal gripe with them since they have a different backstory he doesn’t seem to be a part of. And shit now that they’re public and in school it’s gonna be so much easier for him to go after them 😅 pluses and minuses…

The soundtrack: golden. Cultured. Nothing but range. Goes from a 90’s rap song to Natasha Bedingfield’s soulful 2000’s song. Most movies only ever have all pop mainstream songs or only rap songs because they think they can’t mix but MM does it effortlessly. The turtles are so versatile not just with music genres but they make old and new references ‘cause they’re well rounded kings 💪🏽 Between rizz, Adele, broski, Hey Arnold, K-Pop, Ferris Bueller, etc… I mean Donnie’s literally doing the sprinkler and the funky chicken in that gif up top 😂 they’re born in 2008 I doubt any kids today know about those dances anymore

Clearly I have all the thoughts and feelings about these boys and the movie, but I think this is probably my favorite TMNT movie? I’ve loved all of them but I think this one definitely brings me the most comfort fr

[max1461]

People who advocate communal living over the nuclear family don’t know anything about communal living or what it’s like, and probably believe the nuclear family was invented in America in the 50s.

Fact: nuclear family styled homes have been the norm among Germanic and Anglo-Saxon since medieval times. Further evidence suggests nuclear families existed in the Stone Age.

Fact: communal living is usually a recipe for gerontocratic inbred filth-living. “Oh, grandpa molested the girls again. Oh well, he’s the patriarch and we can’t do anything about it. Time to go sleep on a wide bed with my six cousins. My mom will cook for me until she dies. They’ll arrange marriages for me because how the fuck would people date in a living situation like this?”

Fact: the nuclear family offers more freedom for the kids and the parents both

Fact: the only reason people rail against the nuclear family now is because homes are so expensive. If homeownership became easy and commonplace again, people would want to live on their own with their spouse and young kids

This is all clearly very BAP influenced, and your latter three "facts" are just opinions (BAP's opinions I gather), and not very well substantiated ones at that.

More importantly, the longhouse arrangement is not what I was referring to when I talked about "more communal child rearing". I described a situation in which

Children have physical autonomy to move around within a community freely and leave the home without parental oversight

The responsibilities of childcare are understood to be distributed throughout the community, to the various adults in whatever measure they can provide

Children are free to associate with those adults they feel most comfortable around. I have heard (but not corroborated), in the context of the Caribbean where I gather childcare is often more distributed in this way, of children essentially "voluntarily adopting themselves" into other families that they liked better than their own.

The interactions that adults have with children are essentially open to public scrutiny by other adults, an expansion of the way that universal public schooling makes the abuses of parents more visible to other adults who can intervene.

The situation you describe, where "grandpa can molest the girls because he's the patriarch", is precisely the situation I'm trying to avoid. That is the outcome of nuclear family. Nuclear family, children isolated to the home and treated as property of their parents with no say in the matter, that's a child abuse factory.

BAP is all aesthetics. I'm not saying he has nothing of value to offer at all (I don't know, I haven't read him), but he does not have policy, he does not offer mechanisms. I (attempt to) offer mechanisms. They might not be perfect, or fully fleshed out, but they are a start. Come debate me at that level instead of saying "FACT: [opinion]".

[hxhhasmysoul]

You've frequently said that Yuuji is like a shoujo protagonist. Could you elaborate on that? I don't read shoujo and the last shoujo anime I watched was years ago so I'm not very familiar with it but I'm very fascinated as to why you think Yuuji's like a shoujo heroine. I don't think I've ever heard anyone else describe him as such.

I think I've seen some people talk about him in the context of a shoujo manga, though it might have been more in the context of him being a shoujo love interest which from what I recall of shoujo isn't really apt, Megumi with his aloof personality fits that bill more. but maybe others compared him to a protag too.

As you can see I'm also not some shoujou manga, or any manga category, expert. And I'm sure there's at least one, but more likely several, in-depth academic analyses of shoujo as a category, or what a shoujo protagonist is. And as with any such broad category there are surely exceptions, possibly even very popular ones.

With the above caveats, what I mean when I say "Yuuji is a shoujo manga heroine" is that he kinda fits the bill of what I picture when I think of a shoujo heroine. But also it's a bit of a sad joke, because, le sigh, patriarchy.

So historically, and maybe even today, not an expert, the manga categories were very strongly targeted at very particular demographics. Which any form of media like that, you of course get a lot of stereotypes baked into it. Stereotypes about what these groups may want to see which are based on societal norms and expectations for these groups. And the main manga categories are gendered and divided by age into shoujo - manga for adolescent women, josei - manga for adult women, shounen - manga for young men, seinen - manga for adult men.

From what I've gathered, the adult categories, I think especially the seinen category, are more flexible in what they allow for in terms of topics. Like adults can be interested in whatever they want, especially when it comes to men.

The categories directed at the youth feel more rigid when it comes to what they should depict. In gross simplification, girls should be exposed to relationships while boys should be exposed to action.

It's not like you don't get any action in shoujo, like you can get a lot of it, but it's framed differently than what you get in shounen and I will get to that. But the relationship will be at the forefront, and there's usually romance as an important part of the story.

You also get relationships in shounen, the already cliche power of friendship and so on, though rather no romance. It's a running joke that we get epilogues where we find out the protag who had the most dramatic and kinda romantic moments with his male friend/rival/enemy is happily married to one of the girls that cheered on him from the sidelines. Heteronormativity needs to be maintained. It's also a cliche that any romance that happens in shounen is played for laughs and kinda cringe, or downright laced with some really creepy shit like pedophilia (older women taking interest in young boys usually but it's "just a joke" or even depicted as cool) or incel shit (like male characters harassing and stalking female characters).

Gege doesn't do any of that, and will be very good about it if they stay on course and not make the "and they were all heterosexual" epilogue. I wrote a more detailed post about it, one that also delves into a lot of gender stuff, though it's a bit of a questionable one due to its origins and it's a bit old, etc. etc., proceed with caution if you choose to check it out. (A side note too, Hell's Paradise is quite interesting with it's premise of the protag loving his wife even if it's not executed well. Generally Kaku tries a lot of interesting things, though doesn't always manage to stick the landing).

A shoujo heroine often isn't the brightest when it comes to school stuff, or strongest in terms of physical strength, if there's magic involved her powers usually don't seem to be the most devastating in their effects. What she will usually have is an ability to deliver moments of very high vulnerability. She will also usually have a huge heart and ability to bring people together. These 3 combined is how she usually will win fights. A shounen character often can also have the last two, but usually the vulnerability he delivers is a bit one note, sometimes feels almost performative with the "I'm not strong enough". (also I'm sure that there a plenty of shoujo that also fail these). And the shounen character uses his vulnerability moment to charge the final attack while a shoujo heroine can win just through being vulnerable. (There's obviously shounen which has done this too, like categories this big will have everything, Killua wins with Palm through showing vulnerability, he does that with Illumi too.)

You might already see where I'm going with this.

Yuuji is built around his very strong humanity, his compassion. It's in his name. He is extremely good at delivering moments of devastating vulnerability, moments that are not power ups for him at all. He's also built around his loneliness and desire for connection, for being surrounded by people. He's very people oriented, has a warm personality and brings people together. He's capable of deep compassion and love. He has very high emotional intelligence. And he's capable of winning a fight through that alone, actually.

I started to call him a shoujo heroine after the Junpei battle, because he literally wins that by making himself vulnerable in front of Junpei and talking Junpei down. That's why what happens next is all the more devastating. He makes himself vulnerable in front of Higuruma.

If you apply shounen logic to JJK you get all those fans shitting on Yuuji because he's not the strongest. Because he doesn't have flashy powers like Gojou or Sukuna or Megumi. The cold takes like: "he loses several battles, omg he's not really the protagonist", or "he doesn't get amazing power ups", or "he's not driven to be the strongest, he's not proactive in achieving some lofty goals, climbing to the top of the hierarchy", etc. etc. blah, blah.

However if you apply a more shoujo logic to JJK, Yuuji is the clear and only protagonist. He's the heart of the story, he's the most people-oriented, relationship-oriented, vulnerable character. People are drawn to his warmth, not his power (Toudou's fanfiction about Yuuji is about Yuuji being his emotional support, about Yuuji letting Toudou be vulnerable together!).

All of the themes of the story converge onto him. He's emotionally tied to both major villains, and to their victims. His subtle personal, highly vulnerable goal, screams shoujo manga.

That's why I call him a shoujo heroine.

Why I say this is all a bit of a sad joke. While everything I wrote above, I stand by with my full conviction, the joke is that it all hinges on buying into patriarchy.

The division between shounen and shoujo is based on the societal norms for the gender binary. The idea that girls should like certain things, should behave a certain way... boys should like other things, behave in a different way etc. etc. In a system like that even personality traits are gendered. Men are stoic, calm, collected, decisive, forward, intellectual, high-minded, practical, project strength, they should feel comfortable taking up space blah blah. Women are emotional, fragile, caring, supportive, they don't care about practicality but are interested in the trivial and pretty things, they should be shy and quiet, feel good in the background, blah blah blah.

One of the principal traits of a shoujo and shounen protagonists is their gender. Because girls should read about girls and boys should read about boys.

This is why it's a bit of a sad joke, because calling Yuuji a shoujo heroine feels a bit like calling him a girl. And while I do it with love, and with my highly internally processed views on gender, I do it in public. I do it on this website where so many people perform a lot of feminism or queer activism in ways that are full of internalised misogyny and queerphobia of various stripes. In a patriarchal society calling a boy a girl is an insult, it's a form of devaluing him because girls are seen as less than. It's implying that he's failing at being a man. And Yuuji gets a lot of shit from the fandom for not being strong enough, for failing as a shounen protag. For failing to be that idealised, aspirational version of a boy. One that can overcome anything, one that's always strong, that is always driven.

I will quote here what I wrote about Yuuji in the post I linked above not to repeat myself:

"Yuuji is written more like a female character than a male one if we take the gender stereotypes into consideration, especially those that pervade the shounen genre. He’s built around compassion, cooperation and orienting himself towards others. These are stereotypically female coded traits. He doesn’t have a self aggrandising goal like so many shounen protagonists. His goal is intimate, it’s about his emotional needs. I forgot to mention that Yuuji is quite passive compared to a typical shounen protag. He rarely takes action on his own and only when the situation really forces him to do it. He’s reactive not proactive. He has this goal of eating all fingers but he waits for instructions, follows them. He doesn’t go out in the world seeking out the fingers. Same goes for his missions to kill curses. The reality had to hurt him real bad for him to become more active and still even now he falls in line, he’s not driven in the way shounen protags usually are. Passivity is associated with the concpet yin, which is also associated with femininity. Why do I mention this concept? Because jujutsu sorceres are kinda the successors of onmyōji, or more literally the yin-and-yang masters. He doesn’t have much of an ego. He knows he’s good at fighting but he’s not arrogant about it like Gojou or Sukuna are. He’s tactile, he has an open body language. His best friend is Nobara. The way they are close is astounding. All their idiot to idiot moments. All their physical contact. The way they complement each other while fighting. The way Nobara can just text Yuuji to come and he does. Nobara being gone really affects Yuuji deeply, to the point where he uncharacteristically lashed out at Hana. And it’s completely not sexual or romantic. Compared to that his friendship with Megumi is pretty shit and not really close. He’s been very clearly socialised as a boy in a pretty misogynist society on shit like shounen manga. He has “a type” when it comes to girls, that he can invoke instantly because that’s how young boys are socialised, it’s expected of them. And yet that type is just an aesthetic preference. It’s not really what he’d even want from a potential girlfriend. He treats women like people. Naturally, instinctively not in the fake “nice guy” way. He’s such a well rounded role model of young masculinity. He is that because Gege doesn’t build him on the stereotypes of what masculinity should be according to the conservative patriarchal viewpoint. Yuuji is a human who’s entitled to emotions, who’s not a total victim of his socialisation, who doesn’t strive to live up to societal expectations. No status quo, the mantra of JJK."

In a world not steeped through with patriarchy this wouldn't matter. In a world without such rigid standards as to what is masculine and what is feminine, calling Yuuji a shoujo manga heroine wouldn't stand out. Because it wouldn't feel like a thing. Yuuji wouldn't draw anyone's disappointment or ire. There wouldn't be a feeling of him crossing gender norms because the norms either wouldn't exist or would've been very very wide and flexible.

_____

tldr: Yuuji is a shoujo manga heroine because he also has pink hair and is capable of extreme cuteness, and have you seen him holding the bunny so adorably? Very Usagi coded.

[athenodora-sulpicia-writer]

Enchanted- Vesper Lynd x FemReader

Context: You work for MI6 and are attending a gala type party they’re hosting, only to find that your girlfriend, Vesper Lynd, hasn’t yet arrived and she’s the only reason you chose to come.

A/N: I love Vesper and really wanted to write for her. I hope you all enjoy this, I wrote it quite late last night so sorry for any mistakes.

Warning(s): rough kissing and social anxiety

It was a night unlike any other, tonight MI6 and the Treasury had put together some sort of gala type reception for a certain amount of their employees and it would seem I was one of the lucky few to be invited, the only thing is I didn't want to be here.

I wasn't a fan of social events and could barely stand being out of the house past seven o'clock but I hadn't come here for myself, I'd come here for her and she hadn't even shown up yet.

So I stood over in a back corner of the reception hall, that was decked out in people and all sorts of finery, in a floor length pink chiffon dress that was accompanied by a shawl of pink silk and gold details. This would never have been something I'd pick out for myself but it was stunning and I did truly love it.

I'd waited for her, she was supposed to be here a half hour ago and still she hadn't shown up, my only reason for being here not even here, how sad did that sound.

I'd began to get nervous being on my own, surrounded by so many unknown faces. I worried that everyone was judging me and talking about the sad little girl who was hiding in a corner because she'd been stood up.

Suddenly I was teenager again, no longer a woman who worked for MI6 but a sixteen year old, who's only reason for not going to her school leavers event was because she was never asked to go by someone.

It was stupid, I know but that's how it felt, I relied on her to be here, she was my girlfriend and the woman who held my heart and she was already now forty-five minutes late, with about four missed calls and two voicemails.

Those last fifteen minutes of the first hour quickly disappeared and I couldn't stand the idea of taking another glass of whatever it was they were serving tonight. Then the first hour ended and the hand that clasped my clutch was no longer following instructions from my head and was instead searching for my phone.

I dialled the number I could memorise in a heartbeat. One ring, then another, then another one and finally a fourth buzzing ring of the call came and I knew what was coming next. My prediction of course was correct as the call quickly went to that god forsaken voicemail that I'd already heard twice tonight.

"Hi Ves, It's me, I know I've already called but I wanted you to know that I've been here now for an hour," I began to say choking back a sob as I spoke, "I'm wearing the dress you picked out for me, it fits perfectly, but of course it does you chose it. Where are you Ves? you promised you'd be here, I've made sure to save you a dance, though I don't think it will matter. Please show up soon, I love you."

I ended the voice message their and even though I knew it was stupid, I felt my heart inside my chest and how it tightened and shattered a little when she hadn't picked up.

Where was she? I knew she could be late, of course I did, I'd been dating her for two and half years now but she'd never before been this late and it made all sorts of thoughts swirl around in my head, some of them frightened me and others just made me upset.

I quickly became aware of how the music in the room had grown much louder and suddenly I didn't want to be standing here anymore, so I left. I got myself out of that corner I had been standing in and walked of the large gala room and walked out into the reception and arrivals area.

I walked over to the closest wall and, facing away from the entrance, I tried to centre myself once again. Then I heard a voice, at first I thought my mind was playing tricks with me but then I heard it a second time and it was louder and a little bit closer.

"Y/n!" I heard the voice, calling my name, more distinctly now and I knew I'd recognise the soft lull of that voice absolutely anywhere.

In a rush I turned around and stood away from the wall and then I saw her, it was Vesper walking into the venue dressed like the Goddess I knew she was, in the most beautiful purple dress and then I knew I would love her forever.

"Y/n," She said my name again, her smile beaming at me as she came closer and now I could no longer wait for her to close the distance, so I decided to do it myself.

I ran up to her and Immediately threw my arms around her neck and pulled her into the tightest embrace I could muster and then my lips were upon her and without hesitation she kissed me back with just as much passion.

Our lips danced and our tongues battled for dominance, as Vesper’s arms snaked around my waist and brought me in closer into her by the hips and very quickly I knew we'd have to find a room before we were demanded to leave.

It seemed Vesper had had the same thought as very quickly, without barely breaking the kiss, she'd directed us into a room that I didn't care to inspect, all my previous upset and anger dissipated upon seeing her.

Very quickly I was pushing Vesper up against the nearest wall and loosening my arms from around her neck. Though my act of dominance was quickly changed, as Vesper swapped our positions and in a matter of seconds I was up against the wall, and her mouth was trailing kisses down my neck.

"Ves..." I tried to breathe out, "Your here," was all I was able to say that was coherent, as her kisses on my neck continued, though they quickly became softer.

"Of course I did," She spoke breathlessly pulling away, "I'm so sorry sweetheart, i wanted to be here sooner but I had some things to attend to." She didn't elaborate any further, only giving me a final gentle kiss on the lips before she looked up and around the space we were in.

I followed her line of site and saw that we were standing in a stairwell and when I looked up, I could see it went pretty far up. "Come let's go up," She spoke hurriedly, grabbing my hand carefully into her own and pulling us both up the stairs being careful of our dresses.

Soon we had done about five flights of stairs and then Vesper was opening up one of the doors and immediately I was hit by a gust of cold night air. She'd pulled us out onto the roof.

Walking out onto the roof Vesper whispered to me "I believe you saved me a dance," And soon we were dancing to the imaginary music of London city, upon one of its tallest hotels.

"I love you Y/n Y/l/n," Vesper whispered, her forehead against mine and her blue eyes focusing against my Y/e/c ones.

"And I love you, Vesper Lynd," And it seemed those were my final words as both of our lips soon met and we ended the evening with a soft and genuine kiss full of nothing but love.

[puppywritesthings]

Six Sentence (Easter) Sunday

So remember the Luxx/Loosey fic I talked about? Here’s some of it.

But also some added context for no one who did modern high school theater in the States:

- The Jimmy Awards are the National High School Musical Theatre Awards that take place in NYC where they recognize talent from high school musicals. There are only two awards (Best Performance by an Actor and Best Performance by an Actress) and usually people who make it to the semifinals do well for themselves in their career.

“Ugh,” Loosey sighed, interrupting, “they misspelled my name. Again.” She complained as she flipped through the program. “How many times do they have to be told it’s L-O-O-S-E-Y, not Lucy like Ricardo.”

“At this point, you might as well ask them to change Betty Blast to Ariel Moore too.” Luxx teased, causing the entire dressing room to go quiet.  Whoever was left on wardrobe duty scurried past the actors and left, standing outside to overhear whatever actor drama was to come from it. “Come on, be honest with yourself.”

“Glad of you to bring this up on opening night. And we were having such a fun time as a cast, getting along so nicely.”

“You’re saying this as if it was some huge secret.” Isabelle added, “Girl, we all knew you’ve wanted a lead since freshman year and we all knew you’d throw a little hissy fit about it.”

“I’m not throwing a hissy fit!” Loosey stood up as some of her stage makeup smeared across her face. “When have I ever complained about not getting a lead?”

Luxx unlocked her phone and furiously scrolled through her messages. “I have receipts! Hold up, let me find them.”

“Receipts, mama…” Anetra echoed before immediately packing, heading out of the dressing room. “Also why are y’all still in costume?”

The question remained unanswered as Loosey took the rest of her makeup off, letting her face rest in the wipe a little longer than she thought. She groaned, wondering what evidence could possibly be against her.

“Okay, I guess we’re not getting Steak and Shake after this.”

“Fuck Steak and Shake!. This is more important.” Luxx said as Anetra just shrugged, exiting the dressing room with her bags in hand.

“I’ll text you and Jax to see if you still need rides, okay Marcia?”

Marcia didn’t have time to respond as Luxx finished her scrolling to the top of the cast group chat.

“Here it is,” she quoted, affecting an accent similar to Loosey’s, “‘I’m so happy to be a part of this cast. The only way it would have been better is if I was at callbacks with you all! Alas, Ms. Charles knows my typecast too well to be considered for an important part with, you know, more than seven lines. Someone has to be the comic relief, and that’s me. Can’t wait to not be in all the dance numbers! Hugs. Smiley face. Heart. Sparkles emoji.”

Loosey gasped, completely flabbergasted, “I was being genuine! Maybe you just don’t get my sense of humor. It’s called sarcasm, ever heard of it?”

“And then!” Luxx continued, “ ‘Interesting choice for Ariel, but I trust the vision?’ The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” 

“And look how that turned out. I trusted the vision, and the show’s going great!” 

“Right, because the success of this show entirely depended on your trust in it.”

“As I was saying before I was interrupted, it’s going great!  Everything’s fine. You’re getting all this praise. You’re gonna go straight to the Jimmy’s after opening night,” Loosey mocked.  “At this point, you’re gonna pull a Renee Rapp, go straight to Broadway, and then nobody hears from you until a movie adaptation of your big break gets made.”

The dressing room went silent once again.

“The way you’re trying to convince yourself you’re completely in the right is impressive,” Isabelle broke the silence. “And I envy you for that.”

[2cmtall]

Diluc x y/n bartending scen.

Context: this is a spew of writing (bullet and normal) centered around the theme of bartending with Diluc. The inspiration for this was from the bartending training event a long while back, and also various pinterest pics I saw with aether & diluc in the tavern. Content is very romantic, some sweet others more steamy.

A/N: school started for me about three weeks back at the start of September and I may have lost a bit of motivation to write 😅. I started this concept a while before school started but I only took it back up when my friend and I were talking about things fandom/fanfic related. Thank you for those who have liked my few posts and have even started following me. 🤗

CW: the content is broken up into different parts (such as before, during, and after the training. Some aftermaths, etc). I just spewed whatever was on my mind. There is both bullet points and drabbles (normal writing) for different parts. At one of the parts near the end there is a slightly suggestive (nsfwish) take involving heated kisses, wall pinning, etc, but nothing beyond that.👍)

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Before the training:

Although mondstadt's weather is almost always nice and breezy, you felt that today was especially bright and cheerful, and your mood reflected that. To truly appreciate this blessing from the anemo archon, you decided to go on a walk and perhaps get a drink at the tavern. Whether or not you drank at all was not an issue, for the owner himself, diluc, allowed you the privilege of asking for custom drinks on the house! You always thought that it was awfully kind of him to do so, maybe even excessively so, but when you tried to voice your humble concerns to Diluc, he simply reassured you and even offered a new drink for you to test out with him. Even kaeya voiced his thoughts, albeit out of jealousy, but the nature of their relationship only resulted in the souring of the red-head's mood.

Because of your past failings to compensate the ever generous owner and your current boost of positivity, you were now motivated to pay for your drinks. It's the least you could do for his kindness. And so, you got ready with a new outfit you were excited to try on. It was more put together and it fit with the summer mood. You remembered to bring your wallet, putting it in your pocket/bag/etc and out the door you went.

You greeted people along the streets and even made meaningful conversations, especially with flora. Recently, you've been interested in mondstadt's flowers and was gaining knowledge and tips from the young but talented girl. You enjoyed bonding with flora and was grateful for her advice, but you couldn't help but notice Donna's eyes on you when your conversation diverted towards your plans to go to the tavern. Whatever the case was, you wouldn't let Donna of all people sully your mood. You said goodbye to sweet flora and continued your walk towards Angel's share, ever aware of Donna's piercing glare burning a hole through your back.

You walked past the different stalls, up the small flights of stairs and neared the tavern where you noticed a man trying to garner attention. Just as you noticed the man, the same can be said for him as his eyes lit up at you and he made a beeline towards you.

"Why hello, miss! By any chance, are you wanting to enjoy a fine drink at the tavern today?" Although you don't normally like to be approached by strangers, you can tell that this fellow had no ill intention. You gave him a small smile and replied, "yeah, I do," before attempting to move towards the door, but what he said next piqued your interest.

"A-Ah, miss! If that's the case, would you be interested in attending Angel's Share's academy week?" You've never heard of this before. "Academy week? What for?"

"Well, I'm sure you've noticed that besides Charles and occasionally Master Diluc, there isn't anyone else behind the counter." You have noticed that, "but why is that, if I may ask?"

"Haha, although there are a lot of wine enjoyers, there aren't many people willing to mix the drinks. That is why we are holding an academy week! This event will give you an opportunity to learn a new skill and hopefully stay to help out Charles at the tavern. Oh! And better yet, you will be trained under the guidance of Master diluc himself! How does that sound? Are you interested?"

You contemplated for a bit, though the decision was fairly easy. Although you don't know how to mix drinks and never thought to learn the skill, the opportunities presented to you only gave positives. Not only will you be able to learn a new skill, train under Diluc, and help him and Charles in tending the bar, you will also be able to get a new job and spend more time with Diluc! You were excited by the endless possibilities. Adorning a smile brighter than the sun, you agreed to participate, to which the man, who you now know as Luka, practically jumps in joy. You couldn't blame him, though, not when you're own nerves are tingling with excitement, but also nervousness.

You waved each other goodbye as you entered the tavern, excited to tell diluc the news.

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

On the contrary, Diluc felt nothing special today. It's not that he didn't note the particularly bright day. But rather it changed nothing in his repetitive routine. No matter how bright the day is, he still has duties to attend to, though. . . After putting up signs and letters about the Academy week around Mondstadt and in the tavern, he's been hoping for a certain someone to participate. For a calculating man such as himself, he felt rather unsure if this person even cares for this particular profession. . .

'Stop worrying about this and focus on doing your next task.' He grimaced as he shook himself of his uncertainty. He gazed outside and back to his schedule on his desk. Today he decided to bar tend in place of Charles, so he quickly put on his dark coat and raced down the stares, making sure to alert Adelinde of his whereabouts before closing the front door.

In the tavern, everything is how it usually is. Loud with bustling drunkards, including a certain cavalry captain and an odd bard, both of which irritate him to no end. He truly was not expecting anything new to happen today, least something positive, but as always you prove him wrong.

"Diluc! Guess what?!" You barged right into the tavern, not caring for some people's unhappy stares at you, evident of your proud smile. You scurried toward him and stood directly opposite, practically leaning over the counter. "I decided to participate in the Academy week! I'm excited to learn how to mix drinks and hopefully have a place in this profession. You will be teaching us, right Diluc?" Your innocent, childlike eyes gazed expectantly at Diluc. Unbeknownst to you, while on the outside he appears as calm as ever, on the inside he is a blushing mess, so much so that he could feel his whole body growing warmer.

In an instant, you have put a stop in his mundane cycle and gave him something to look forward to. For the life of him, he can't remember the last time he felt such joy, but why was it that his body is growing uncomfortably hot and his heart is pounding? He needed to stay composed, lest he wanted to make a fool of himself, noticing the snarky look on his brother's face from the corner of his eyes.

"I'm glad to hear you have taken an interest in this profession. And yes, I will be the one to guide you throughout the week, though Charles will also be available for when I'm not."

"Great! When does it start again?" You tilted your head in such a way, Diluc couldn't help but give a small smile at seeing your cute face.

"It starts tomorrow in the morning, so see you then y/n. I'm looking forward to seeing what progress you will make. And be safe on your way home."

"Thanks diluc, I will!" And with that you waved him goodbye, adorning such a bright smile on your way out. He couldn't blame you though, for his heart felt the same way.

*cue Kaeya's and venti's teasing *they get kicked out

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During the training:

♤ Both of you had trouble sleeping that night, your minds a nervous wreck wondering how tomorrow will go.

♡ Diluc being the type to subtly hint at things would wear his hair high, remembering you mentioning he would look good in this hairstyle. He would wear something similar to his KFC collab outfit, exposing his lower arms in the way he knows girls like. (You most certainly noticed). Whatever you decide to wear that day, just know that Diluc's heart will start beating much quicker. Maybe he will even compliment you on your outfit.

◇ Diluc loves how dedicated you are in learning the craft, making him respect you even more. He finds himself smiling next to you when he sees you using a small spare crate to make yourself higher, or furrowing your brows in concentration as you try to replicate and even put your own spin to the drinks. It reminds him of when he was younger, lost in the art of mixing drinks.

♧ When your hands accidently touch, it's like sparks igniting in your hearts. You both blush, wondering if the other person noticed or is feeling the same things as they do. You both secretly revel the chance to graze each other or be close with them. Each touch sends a tingling warm sensation on your skin. Your smile brightens when you make the other person happy. The lesson continued with these innocent acts of flirting. Simple and sweet.

♤ Oh, the lesson has already ended? Well it doesn't hurt to have drinks for yourselves, perfect opportunity to tell you about his drink preferences and in turn learn about yours. Perhaps to surprise you next time with his own take on your favourite flavors.

♡ Oh, but it's getting late and you need to go back home, well how about he walk you back home as condolences for making you stay longer. Hes a gentleman after all, and since he is so kind he will offer you his coat and umbrella, noticing that it started raining. The walk home was filled with silence, except for the pouring of the rain and their equally pounding hearts.

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The day before you have to actually serve:

♤ You spent some time past closing time working and memorizing the drinks, sometimes asking diluc to personally try the drinks and give you some advice.

♡ He reassures you many, many times that you will do a fantastic job, evident of the immaculate presentation and attention to detail. Of course he will admit, the taste of the drinks is not perfect but with your efforts and a little time, he's sure it can be easily improved.

◇ He helps you by acting as a customer, giving you pointers and quick tips as you serve him none other than fruit juice. Although his intentions were to calm you down, the way he gently smiles at you and gives you heartfelt compliments only makes your heart race even more. You can feel the heat rushing in your cheeks, ears, and neck.

♧ Of course he can't stay forever and you can't help feel a little disappointed, but before he leaves, he gives you a small tale on his first ever drink. Hearing him chuckle fondly of his childhood, especially when he mentions his father made you a little less sad at seeing him go for the night. Sharing your own small childhood memory, you said your goodbyes to him.

(nsfwish part)

(spoilers: they end up confessing to each other, hug, you accept the job offer, and all is well. Diluc also invited you to the dawn winery. Diluc followed you in his dark night outfit to ensure your safety 🤗)

Diluc however was not ready to leave just yet. He had this strange look in his eyes as he stood right in front of you. He was silent for a while, as if contemplating, until he gently held your hand in his, handing you the tavern keys and a note with his other, his warm hands encasing yours for what felt like eternity. He continued to look at you, at your beautiful eyes, for which you could only gaze back into his crimson ones. No one dared to speak in those moments, only gaze into the other's eyes and hold each others hands. Without your recollection, your other hand was now on top of his, gently grazing your fingers with his. As if in a trance, your body moved closer and was now flush with his. Your palms trailing ever so softly down his chest, as he caressed your cheek, tilting your head up to his, whose nose was now tickling yours. Diluc's other hand was trailing down your side, now resting at your hip as he gently holds you flush with his body, heat coursing through every part of your body. He was not looking at your eyes anymore, but rather your lips. Your lips parted as his face grew even closer, your breaths warming up the already heated air around you two. He looked back at you, searching your eyes for approval. Wanting nothing more than to feel his lips on yours, you nodded once and without hesitation diluc closed the distance.

At first, his kisses were soft and inviting, guiding you gently with his fleeting lips. His warm hand, still on your cheek, continued to caress your skin as you two embraced in this intimate moment. He sighed sweetly upon your last kiss, this one lasting much longer than the fleeting ones. Your mind was in a sweet daze, trying to process what just happened by staring downwards to diluc's heaving chest, his laboured breaths fanning hot air to the crown of your head. But when you gazed upon his lips- tracing them gently with your thumb- and looked into his lidded, equally dazed eyes, the fire in your heart reignited with the selfish need for ecstasy.

"Y/n, I'm sorry I just--" he couldn't get very far with his apology due to your lips on his, once again. He was surprised for a moment, holding you steady as he looked down on your heated face, but it didn't last long before he returned your kiss.

Whereas before, it was as sweet as honey, innocent and slow. Now the only things you felt were passionate lust that coursed through your veins, rushed and heavy to feel every part of him, and to be touched the same way. Now your kisses were more confident, deeper. You two were desperate to be close, trailing both of your hands down each other's bodies, pulling and pushing, clutching and lifting hair and clothes in a lustful dance you both created. In the mess of things, diluc slides his fingers inside your clutched hands that's holding the keys and note and sets it to the nearest table, and starts pushing you towards the wall behind you, passionately slamming your body flush between his and the wall. Diluc hooked your leg and lifted it, grabbing the curve of your ass and connecting your hips with his. He moved on from your lips and made it his goal to mark every part of your neck. You couldnt help but moan and gasp as he continued to pleasure you.

You've never felt this good before, everywhere in your body is burning with lust and desire, so much so that you could feel your legs shaking to keep you up and your mind is clouded with blinding bright pleasure. Sensing you slowly sliding down the wall, diluc hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he captured your lips again, earning a sharp moan from you. You couldn't help but comb you fingers through his crimson flame hair, reveling at its softness by tugging it near his scalp, a low groan reverberating in your mouth. Hearing this, you tugged some more, caressing his hair and face, earning more deep, appreciative moans from diluc. You could feel your lower region ache and pulse with want-- no, need-- and it seems that diluc feels the same way, feeling him grind his hips into yours, surely bruising it like the rest of your spent body.

You wanted to continue doing this, the ache that you feel growing stronger with the intense need to feel him in ways beyond just kissing. But when he suddenly reached into the back of your shirt to tug on your bra, you suddenly had this hazy realization of where you are and who you were having this intimate moment with. Without thinking, you pulled away from the kiss, a hand gripping diluc's upper arm. Everything was silent, except for the heavy breathing that mixed with the heated air. You could only focus on his heaving chest as you descend slowly from both cloud nine and his arms, until you were back on your feet, albeit shaky. He still held you, but gave you some room to breathe, you could tell he was concerned for you and you were grateful that he listened to your actions. You both sat still, not speaking a word, not knowing what to say, your mind buzzing too much to think of something to say. And so you held each other silently, unable to look at each other. That was until he suddenly turned his head back to you, a question forming in the way he looks at you in slight hesitation, concern, maybe even desperation.

"Do you regret it?" He huffed out in a low voice, barely a whisper, almost as if scared as to your answer. That question shocked you, and you couldn't help but stare in his eyes in silence. A moment passed, and your initial shock turned into understanding. You would've asked the same thing had it been you who was rejected of your advances, one that you thought you both wanted. Giving him a small, reassuring smile, you gently cupped his face. "No, diluc, I dont regret this in of itself. I. . . Do however realize that I might have made things awkward between us. I went into this, wanting to give you payment for your generosity in the form of being employed. I wanted to help out at the tavern and serve drinks to customers, and in doing so, lessen your burden." You paused briefly, uncertain of your next words. But diluc deserved to know how you feel. "And I admit, another reason for wanting to train under you. . . Was so that I could get to know you better as a person. I have romantic feelings towards you diluc." There. You said it. But when you looked up, you panicked at his now stunned face. Desperate to save yourself from the blow of rejection you hurriedly tried to add, "but I understand if you dont feel the same way and is now uncomfortable around me! You can ask me to leave you alone! I will respe-oof!" Suddenly, you are engulfed in a smothering embrace with diluc, your face squished against his chest as he rests his face on top of your head, murmuring thanks to who you assume is Barbados.

"There's no reason for me to ask you leave. I never want you to leave my side. . . Not when I feel the same way about you." He held you tight for a moment longer before gently pushing you back by your shoulders. He now resembled an embarrassed child whose secret crush was exposed to others. Before, he stared longingly towards you. Now he cant so much as glance at you before splotches of red bloomed from underneath his pale skin. "Forgive me for being so bold. That previous statement was childish of me. I simply want you to know that I wish to keep talking to you. I'd hate for things to become awkward. And if you so wish, I will give you an early employment at the tavern, guaranteed. Of course, you can decline as I have already shown my incompetence as a professional employer, and I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable working under me."

Hearing those words from him made you so incredibly giddy, you didnt hesitate to jump up to him and hug his neck, giggling like a child. It only took diluc a moment before his own arms wrapped tightly around your back, chuckling at your antics. "I take that as a yes, then?" You lifted your head from the crook of his warm neck slightly to look at him, his fond and warm smile lighting up your heart. You nod excitingly, "yes," and in that moment, all was how it should be.

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

Diluc still needed to leave the tavern to run some errands and he seemed reluctant to let you go. As a way to motivate him, you caressed his cheek softly and gave him one final kiss on the lips. You could feel his eyes widen briefly before sweetly kissing back, a smile forming with his lips. In an effort to make the embrace last, he continue to hold you up, squeezing you against him in an engulfing hug. Before it could get beyond just a sweet kiss, you interrupted by placing a thumb between both your lips, caressing his swollen bottom lip. You placed your forehead on his and gazed into his eyes, his crimson ones dazed and lowered. "Will you set me down now, diluc? You still errands to run, and I need to go home." He looked at you then, "what about your training?"

Your training. You did say you wanted to practice more, but that was before all of this happened. You had completely forgotten about it, and there would be no point staying this late anyways. "As you've said many times before, I think I'll be fine for tomorrow. Right now I think it's best to go home and rest. I believe it's midnight already." Sensing your exhausted demeanor, Diluc hummed and his eyes began to clear up. He set you down softly, his large hands cupping your side and cheek. "Be safe Y/n." You smiled up at him, delighted by his concern, "I will, Diluc."

Your smile fueled his courage. With a playful look in his eyes that which you've never seen on him before, he lowered his head, lips tickling your ear as he whispered, "you looked so pretty pressed against a wall." He took a breath as if to say more, but decided on a wet kiss to your ear lobe, smirking as he left you standing there red and embarrassed in the tavern.

Although he did not say it, you were certain that this would not be the last time you shared an intimate moment with him.

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

Aftermath:

♤ you took several minutes after diluc had closed the tavern doors to process what happened. Your hands flew to cover your mouth and you dropped to the wooden floors as you remembered all the deep kissing, wall pinning, and embarrassing sounds you made as he touched you in all the right places. You splayed flat on the floor to try to cool yourself down, your hands covering your entire face as you silently screamed. When you finally got up to grab the keys, you noticed the note you forgot he also gave you. Upon unfolding it, your legs threatened to buckle as you stared at his invitation inside dawn winery. It took you a very long time to recover enough to go back home, and even more so to calm down your racing heart and mind to get some sleep.

♡ fortunately, diluc was the same way. The second he was in his home, he leaned heavily against his bedroom wall, his clenched hand over his mouth as he, too, reminisces the past intimate course of events. He stared at his hands, the ones that caressed, held, and touched you feverishly. He combed through his flamed hair, still felt your small hands tugging the now disheveled locks. Even now he couldn't get the image of your pleasured face out of his mind. He needed to see you again. Know that you got home safely. And so he got into his alternative suit, adorning his mask, grateful when it cooled some of the flushed skin on his face. He quickly went back to the tavern, a sense of relief and amusement filling his heart upon seeing your embarrassed attempts to recover. And also that you were safe. He walked in the shadows the whole way to your house, smiling unrestrained at each thing that you do. You made it to your front steps, when you stopped suddenly. Diluc waited, wondering why you didn't go inside. 'Did she forget her keys?' But no, diluc was stunned when you turned around and faced upwards towards where he was hiding, and smiled. Diluc knew that you did not know exactly where he was, your gaze a little ways off, but the fact that you knew he was there following you was almost enough to make his heart stop. Almost. What managed to stop his heart, though was the three words you mouthed towards him, a shy yet determined smile wrapping around each word in a sweet embrace. And then you were gone. Closing the door before behind, leaving diluc to his scattered thoughts. He didn't care what this meant for his vigilant activities. He didn't mind that you had already gone inside and could not hear what he said. He simply felt the need to say, if not to you, than to confirm his own feelings. He stared at the spot you were before, imagining your sweet smile and beautiful self, and spoke.

"I love you, Y/n."

[bluerosejuliet]

So I'm invested with the Polin Harry Potter AU now lol so what happened at the Hogsmeade? I really want Colin's POV cuz I know the man was FUMING the whole night. And how he put his foot in his mouth (again)

Cue the next few weeks of chaotic Colin running around trying to talk to Pen but gets thwarted at EVERY move by the combined powers of Eloise and the 2nd gen Marauders while James woos his littlle pretty redhead friend.

(BTW Im torn if I wanted this to end up as Poil or Pen x James crap)

Sorry for the late reply, it's been a bit hectic with the end of the year (I teach elementary school plus my mom ended up in the hospital with pneumonia) but here is basically what Colin is thinking during the Yule Ball and the fight that causes the first break in his friendship with Penelope (yes there will be another, much worse one later on).

Here is the link for the first two parts:

And now I present to you Colin Bridgerton, putting his foot spectacularly in his mouth.

When Colin had woken up that been, he'd felt a mixture of excitement and guilt. He was of course excited to see Marina looking no doubt gorgeous as ever in whatever dress robes while also getting a chance to twirl her around the dance floor (and if George Crane happened to be watching all the better!) He'd been in love with Marina Thompson since third year, when she'd offered him a sweet after class. His father had passed away the summer before and he was doing his best not to cry and be strong for his siblings but it was tiring.

Yet Marina, being the sweet and beautiful girl she was, had noticed and offered him the sweet she had been planning on eating.

Colin knew from that moment that she would be woman he would marry one done, his soulmate. His father had fallen in love with his mother during hogwarts after all so it was only natural Colin would find his other half as well.

Of course, their relationship wasn't perfect. Marina's father put a lot of pressure on her to do well while things seemed to come easy to Colin. Marina had plans to make a career for herself while Colin dreamed of traveling the world and researching new creatures. Despite their differences though, Colin felt confident that they balanced each other out.

Yes, he'd been upset when she'd broken up with him and utterly heartbroken when she started dating George Crane not even weeks later. But he could admit that he should have listened to her more and taken her a bit more seriously.

But all that was in the past and once more Marina was in his arms and all was right.

In fact, tonight might turn out to be a most excellent night as Marina kept hinting at slipping away to go to the room of requirement and finally take their relationship to the next level.

Perhaps he was old fashioned but Colin had heard how his father had not slept with anyone before his mother, wanting to only sleep with the woman he would marry. His brothers had of course not followed this path, especially Anthony who he was positive slept with half the girls in his year by the time he graduate. But Colin was a romantic and what could be more romantic than him and Marina giving themselves to each other on the night of the ball.

Of course Colin would have understood if Marina slept with George, he would never shame or judge his soulmate for not thinking the same as him. But Marina had mentioned that she could never take that step with George and she had realized that Colin was the one she wanted to share that part of herself with.

But while he was excited about the events of the night, another part still of his mind was occupied by thought of another girl.

Penelope Feathering, a dear friend of his family and one of his closest friends. They had been friends since Eloise and Penelope met as children and she had been there for both Colin and Eloise during their fathers passing. She'd also been the one to comfort him through his break up with Marina.

While Eloise and his siblings would spit vitriol words or muttered insults under their breath about Marina, Penelope merely listened and never said a cruel work about her. She understood that Colin loved Marina and still held her in high regard, given that they had been friends long before they started dating. It was why he originally asked her to be his date to the Yule ball.

Pen wouldn't try to hit on him or make a snide remark about his ex. She had a great sense of humor and would be wonderful company.

So when Marina had come back to him, by some miracle of fate, and Colin had to let Penelope know his change in plans, she'd of course been her usual sweet and understanding self.

Until she'd overheard his argument with Eloise and had avoided him since.

He knew he'd hurt her, he'd known that the second he met her eyes. But for the love of God he hadn't meant to! He knew Pen probably thought he meant that no one would want to date but he hadn't meant it like that!

She was his dearest friend and he could imagine treating Penelope the way he did Marina. It was unfathomable. It would be like trying to imagine dating his sisters (shudder).

Unfortunately for Colin, he hadn't been able to approach Penelope that whole week with Eloise guarding her religiously. So he'd given up in favor of spending time with Marina who seemed to want to be around far more than before.

But tonight he would find time to slip away to the Ravenclaw dorm and apologize to Pen. He doubted she'd want to attend the ball when Eloise was going with Theo (that itself was another thing that seemed unfathomable, his spitfire sister dating someone!) So he'd make sure to stop by and apologize when Marina was busy with her friends.

Everything had been going splendidly at first.

Marina looked breathtaking in a lovely gold dress that made her look even more beautiful and she'd even surprised him with a kiss that promised more to come.

His friends met him by the entrance the the great hall and they'd started a conversation about quidditch until Richard Fife had stopped mid sentence, eyes widening as he looked at something over Colin's shoulder.

"Is that-Penelope Featherington with James Potter?" he sputtered as Colin looked at him confused before turning around.

The boy coming down the stairs was certainly James Potter, dressed in black dress robes with his dark hair slicked and and mischievous eye which were currently gazing at his smaller red haired companion.

The girl looked similar to Pen with her red hair and short rounded figure. But his Pen didn't wear makeup and always wore her in one or two braids, explaining it was more manageable with her curls and wore baggy sweaters that her mother had bought as she was certain her daughter would only increase in size. And when she wasn't wearing her school uniform, she was always in yellow. She was his adorable Pen.

Which is why the girl coming down the stairs could not have been Pen

The girl coming down the stairs with James looked nothing like Penelope, with her emerald off shoulder dress robes lined with white lace that hugged her waist before poofing out into a floor length skirt. Around her pale neck was a black satin ribbon choker with some pendant hanging off of it. Red curls cascaded over her left shoulder from a bun adorned with tiny white flowers. Her blue eyes were framed by dark curly lashes (mascara her thought) and her cheeks were colored slightly pink as her red painted lips curved into a smile at something James said.

This girl was a lovely creature no doubt and he could see why someone like James Potter would have asked her to be his date but there was no way she was his adorable red haired friend-

"Penelope, James over here!" called Michael Stirling and Colin felt his body stiffen as James placed a hand on Penelope's waist (far to low for his liking!) as he lead Penelope over to the Marauders 2.0 but not before Colin caught the smirk James shot his way.

At some point Marina said something to get his attention and he put on his charming smile as they entered the Great Hall for dinner.

He did his best to pay attention to what his girlfriend and friends were talking about, but his eyes kept wandering to the table across the hall from them. Michael Stirling was waving his hands around and saying something that resulted in the people at his table laughing (except for Theo who looked strangely upset).

It wasn't until the dancing had started with Colin twirling Marina around, when he spotted James giving an overdramatic bow to Penelope as she giggled and followed his lead as he moved them across the floor that Colin's shock melted into fury.

Colin was not known for his temper, Anthony being regarded as the hothead of the family, but it took every fiber of his being to not march across the floor and punch James Potter in his smug little face.

The Marauders were known for their pranks and they had always been pretty tame, considering that no one got hurt but it seemed as if the boys were upping their usual pranks to acts of cruelty.

Colin knew that while he found Penelope to be adorable, many other made fun of her for looks. Unlike the Bridgertons, her family was not the most popular and of her sisters she often found herself the source of the most ridicule. Of course he'd done his best to reprimand his friends when they snidely commented on Penelope (except for Will and Alice who were the kinder members of the group) or changed the subject.

He didn't know why James Potter decided to play around with Penelope's heart but he was putting a stop to it right now!

Colin bided his time, waiting patiently until he finally saw James leave to get a drink leaving Penelope alone for the first time that night.

Murmuring an excuse to Marina, Colin quickly walked over to Penelope and grabbed her hand.

"Colin wha-"

"We need to talk. Now," he said firmly, sounding a bit like Anthony, as he dragged Penelope out of the Great Hall and into an empty corridor nearby. As soon as Colin deemed them far enough way, he let go of Penelope's hand and started pacing.

Penelope let out a huff, crossing her arms, looking a bit irritated with Colin.

"What on earth has gotten into you? You could have just said what you needed to in there. If this is about me being mad at you, I told you I'm fine! You know how Eloise gets though -"

"This isn't about that," interrupted Colin as his eyes were drawn to where Penelope's arms had pushed up her breasts. Merlin when did Pen grow boobs?

Shaking his head, Colin quickly removed his dress robes and wrapped Penelope, feeling more relaxed now that she looked it bit more like herself. Thankfully Penelope didn't try to shake it off, pulling it closer to her instead while shooting him a curious look.

"Okay then why the dramatics?" she asked.

Colin ran a hand through his hair, knowing what he would have say next would no doubt hurt Penelope but better to tell her now than let James continue to lead her on.

"It's about Potter," he said ask Pen titled her head in confusion.

"James?" she asked curiously making Colin frown.

"Yes. Look I'm not saying this to be mean or hurt you but I'd rather you hear it from me then have to face this all later on. I know you think he's a great guy and he's handsome and what not but he's not who you think he is. The Marauders are Hogwarts biggest pranksters and sometimes they take their pranks a little to far. I'm not sure if they realize that people can get hurt but I don't want you to be be hurt by James later on," he said as Penelope's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Prank? Colin I highly doubt James, Fred and Michael will do something like set off fireworks in the Great Hall or turn the dance floor into an ice skating rink. Headmistress McGonagall would have their heads and Phillip would never allow it," she said calmly as Colin sighed in frustration.

"That's not the kind of prank I'm talking about Penelope! I mean pranks like tricking people for fun like turning Cressida Cowper face into a cows or convincing a second year that mermaid like to eat cake or" Colin closed his eyes as he uttered the next part, "tricking girls into thinking they actually like them."

Silence.

Colin opened his eyes to see Penelope gaping at him in shock.

"You think James," she said slowly "asked me to the Yule Ball... as some sort of cruel prank?

Colin threw his hands up in the air.

"Yes obviously! I mean it makes no sense why he would ask you to go to begin with. The guy has had girls asking him out for the past two weeks and he suddenly decides to ask you. It just seems suspicious. Plus you and him are completely different," he ranted not noticing how Penelope stiffened.

"Different?" she said softly but Colin didn't seem to hear.

"Yes! I mean just look at the way you dressed up for him tonight! The makeup, the dress, the hair! This isn't you Pen and I don't want you to feel like you need to change yourself to get a guy like Potter to like you when he's only leading you on! James Potter is someone who likes having all eyes on them and your-"

"A wallflower?" she finished raising an eyebrow as Colin stopped mid speech as Penelope continued. " So you think the only reason James would ask me to be his date, when he's had much prettier girls asking to be his partner., is because he's pulling a prank on me?"

Colin fell silent as he looked shamefully at the floor.

"Oh I see. You honestly don't think someone like James would be seriously interested in me to want to ask me out because he can do better?"

Colin's head shot up as her grabbed Penelope's hand in his.

"That's not it! Your mind is utterly brilliant Penelope and any guy who can't see that is an idiot."

Penelope smiled sadly at him.

"Brilliant but not beautiful enough to attract someone's attention," she whispered as Colin stiffened.

"It's not like I haven't heard it before Colin. I've heard it all before. From my mother. From my sisters. From the other kids at Hogwarts. I just never thought you would have considered to be the ugly duckling as well. But you know I wanted just one night, one night where I didn't feel like the ugly duckling for once so I dressed up for myself!" she snapped before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"And you know, for once in my life, I actually felt pretty. Maybe I'm not as beautiful as Marina but formonce I actually liked what I saw in the mirror. And then you went on about how ridiculous I look and it made me realize that there's no such thing as an ugly duckling turning into a swan," she laughed sadly as Colin startled, realizing that there were tears filling her eyes.

"That's not what I meant! I told you you are brilliant Pen but it just doesn't make sense for James Potter to ask you to be his date out of the blue a week before the dance when he's turned down everyone else! None of the other the Marauders have dates yet James comes with you out of nowhere. It just doesn't add up," Colin babbled wondering why Penelope couldn't see that he was just looking out for her! He'd been protecting her since first year and he wasn't about to let someone hurt her.

Penelope shot him a glare.

"Colin, I've been tutoring James for the past year and a half. Eloise and I have gone to Hogsmeade with him and the others plenty of times," bristled Penelope as Colin shook his head.

"That can't be right! Your my best friend Pen and I would've definitely noticed-"

"That's because you've been seeing Marina! For Merlin's sake Colin, you barely spent any time around me or your siblings once you two started going out. You always said we'll catch up later but eventually I just gave up because you never followed through. I'm not blaming Marina for this but I think you need to find a better way to balance your priorities. We only started hanging out after Marina and you broke up and even then you only talked about her. I'm fine with listening to you but not once did you ever ask about my life. Do you even know how my classes are going or who I'm hanging out with? "

Colin quickly tried to back peddle.

"Of course I do Pen! You said something last week about having trouble with the mandrakes right?" he asked desperately as Penelope shook her head sadly.

"That was during my first few weeks of Herbology class last year," she whispered before shaking her head. She gently removed Colin's robes and placed them back in his arms before turning and walking away towards the Great Hall.

Colin knew he should go after, beg for her forgiveness or something but he remained frozen in place.

Penelope shot him one last look over her shoulder.

"Just so you know, I've been friends with James since last year. Yes he's a prankster but he's not cruel or malicious Colin. He asked me to go as friends since he knew I wouldn't try and use him like other girls. He's been an amazing friend and to be honest," she let out a shaky breath, "he's been a lot better of a friend than you are. I'm not sure what happened with us but I need some space from you for now."

With those words, she disappeared around the corner perhaps heading back to James or back to the dorms. Colin didn't know how long he stood there until Richard stumbled upon him. carrying a bottle of fire whiskey followed by an amused Will Mondrich and Harry Dankworth.

"Colin mate! I found some fire whiskey and me and the others are heading to the room of requirement for a drink? You in?" asked Fife, wiggling his eyebrows making Colin remember how he'd left his girlfriend back in the Great Hall. As if reading his mind Will answered Colin's unspoken question.

"She headed back to the dorms with Alice. Apparently the food was not agreeing with her," he said as Colin grabbed the bottle and took a swig from it.

"I'm in," he said, hoping to forget about this night as soon as possible.

And forget the fact that he'd probably just ruined his relationship with his best friend permanently.

_____________________________________________________________

Meanwhile

Once she was sure she was far enough away from Colin where he couldn't see her, Penelope hurriedly collapsed by the stairs to the Great Hall, thankful no one was around to her wretched state.

The night had honestly been magical. She'd been unsure about what James would think of her dress (she'd ordered a green one to match Colin's eyes) and had sat nervously as Edwina had finished place the violets James had given her in her hair.

All the nerves faded when James gaped at her as she exited the through the portrait hole, nervously stammering on about how beautiful she looked and she'd had to bite down a laugh at how he was acting like he was asking her to the ball again. But eventually they fell into their usual banter as James proudly escorted her to the Great Hall where the other Marauders greeted them and she'd spent the next few hours in their company, laughing and having a great time.

Surprisingly, James was a very skilled dancer, whisking her around the floor with the occasional dip that made her laugh, pouting like a child when one of his friends (usually Michael) would step in and steal her away.

It was the most fun she'd had in a long time and the evening had been so perfect.

But she was Penelope Featherington, so of course the other shoe was bound to drop at some point.

She just honestly hadn't expected it to come from Colin though.

Penelope knew she wasn't attractive, it would be impossible not to be when your mother was Portia Featherington. She was too short, too curly, too curvy, too pale, too everything. It was only with the Bridgertons and her friends, that she felt even halfway decent about herself.

Why she thought Colin would think any differently was a mystery to her but it still hurt hearing someone she cared about confirm all the things her mother said.

Penelope Featherington would never be good enough, no matter how hard she tried.

And so she sobbed for the friend she lost that night, wishing she had seen the cracks earlier before it had been shattered and cut at her heart.

It must have been only a minute when she heard someone slowly walking over to her. They said nothing as they sat beside her and pulled her into their arms.

"I'm sorry, I've made a whole mess of things," she hiccuped, earning a reassuring squeeze.

"Nah Feathers, you haven't ruined anything. It's not your fault Bridgerton is a prat," huffed James as Penelope pulled away to look up at him. Normally, she would have begun defending Colin but for once she didn't have the words to say to come to his defense.

"How did you-"

"Michael saw him pull you away. Didn't want to intrude but when you didn't come back I decided to check and see if you were okay," he said softly as Penelope sniffled.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want but can I make a suggestion?" he asked as Penelope nodded against his chest.

"I say we forget about Bridgerton and go back in there to finish the rest of our night because I'll be damned if I let you leave this ball sad when you've been looking forward to it for weeks," said James as Penelope did her best to wipe away her tears.

"You still wanna dance with me after all this?" she questioned, as James helped her to her feet.

"No, I what I really want to do is find Bridgerton and hex him into next year or better yet sick Eloise on him. But I did promise you a good time tonight and I intend to follow through on that promise. So, what do you say Penny? Still willing to chance getting you toes stepped on by me? Seventh times the charm," he said, wiggling his eyebrows as Penelope laughed.

She quickly pulled out her wand from her pocket, muttering a spell that would fix her makeup back to normal (thankful that Daphne had taught the trick to her earlier). Smiling, she tooks James' arm as they headed back into the ballroom, passing by three of Colin's friends who thankfully ignored her.

As promised, the rest of the night was spent dancing and laughing, though she did notice Theo had left as some point leaving Eloise by herself. Her best friend had looked a bit put out until she started chatting with Phillip about something, neither being in the mood to dance apparently.

At last, the ball ended and like a true gentleman, James escorted her back to her dorm, Phillip and Eloise walking ahead of them. Eloise had already gone through the portrait hole leaving just her and James outside the corridor.

"I had a really good time tonight James," she said smiling as he shot her a mischievous grin.

"Well I did promise you a magical evening Miss Featherington and I take my promises very seriously," he teased.

"That you did," she agreed.

She couldn't say why she did what she did next, only that it felt right in the moment, but for whatever reason, she quickly stood on her tiptoes and kissed James on his cheek.

Pulling back, she hid a smile at the shocked look on his face before turning towards the portrait hole.

"Goodnight James," she called over her shoulder as she entered her dorm room where Eloise stood waiting for her, clearly wanting to talk.

It would be year before Penelope kiss James Potter again.

Only this time, she knew exactly why she was kissing him and she was not the first one to make a move.

Ironically it would also take place on Christmas.

______________________________________________________________

I know this is longer than what many of you were expecting but I wanted to show what lead up to the fight and how both of them reacted afterwards.

Penelope will end up dating James (as you can see from the last couple of lines).

If you have anymore questions about this AU, feel free to ask! I have a whole bunch of scenes worked out, including some big events like:

The aftermath of the ball where secrets are revealed and someone is dead

Penelope and Colin reconciling before he leaves to go travel the world for his job (I'm deciding between him being a Magizoologist or Dragonologist)

The Christmas after the ball (AKA Penelope and James first real kiss!)

The REAL big fight between Colin and Penelope that happens the summer after Penelope's sixth year that leads to them not talking for seven years.

The Event (that's it, because more words will spoil what goes down but I'd be happy to give a hint.

[mueritos]

i hope this isn't an invasive question and please ignore it if it is: you've mentioned before that you went from iding as a lesbian to being a gay man. lately i have been thinking i might be gay but that makes me wonder what the hell the deal was with my attraction (??? i do not know ) to women and since i have only heard from trans men who went from iding as cishet girls to gay men i just hhhh i guess the question is how you figured what was what???? i guess????

Not invasive at all! My blog is open book, and I honestly do not mind answering questions like these. Inserting a read more :)

Explaining attraction is kind of hard for me. I mean, when I identified as a lesbian/wlw (I was pan, lesbian, etc, but was mostly wlw leaning after my middle school bf lol), I found women so pretty! But when I had come out and tried being with a woman as a man, it still felt wrong, even when I did find her beautiful and we were compatible as friends. I realized then that while I found women beautiful, attractive, and even sexy at times, I found that what I felt towards men was always more fulfilling, exciting, and real! It was kind of a jarring switch for a lot of people, but to me it made so much more sense. I was always looking to be the "man" in the relationship, to be more masc and crude or whatever, and even when I had a bf when I was not out, I still sought out this role. In the end, I was searching to be both masculine, to be seen as a man, and to be with a man in a very homosexual way haha.

I think what helped was that I was also aro, so I found myself to be sexually drawn to men in a more fulfilling way than women. Sure I could imagine having fun with a woman, but I wanted that with a man. I also stopped dating after I came out as trans, mostly because I had to focus on myself and school (and being aro), but that time really helped me explore what I liked about myself and in context to being attracted to men. It kind hit me like a truck to be honest. I mean, I was having fantasies all day long about boys LMFAOOO It all just really clicked, like my constant need to have male friends, all the homosexual media I was consuming, the way I danced and sang along to The Pussycat Dolls and Hannah Montana in a way that if I were a cis boy, would totally have been a little gay boy moment and not a little cis girl having fun, and so on.

Either way, attraction is confusing and it changes all the time. I dont see my time of finding girls beautiful (and I still do fine them prertty! and I make jokes about if I had the chance to be with a butch for the night, I would take it haha) as evidence to negate my attraction now. I was a child/teen then, and I'm an adult now. Of course my desires and attraction would be different. People are always changing.

Hope that helped! I'm happy to talk more about this ^^

[a-room-of-my-own]

One of the things I don’t think that pro sex strike fems understand is that the anti abortion movement in the usa is headed by evangelical christian extremists who are VERY anti-sex and anti-female sexual pleasure. Like sex is extremely taboo where I live (Bible belt region, also I’m between age 20-25 for more context). The school I went to straight up didn’t have sex ed. Schools here are not required to have sex ed and if they do it doesn’t have to be medically accurate. Sex is considered to be for procreation only. Birth control is taboo because it prevents pregnancy. Wives are not supposed to deny their husbands sex. You are supposed to have as many children as possible until you either physically can’t or die. It is considered inappropriate to even kiss before marriage. I was told to only give side hugs and never fully hug a guy because he might feel my breasts. I was told that women were not supposed to have sexual “urges” and that something was fundamentally wrong with me if I did. I was told these things in christian youth groups at the churches my parents forced me to go to. I didn’t actually grow up in as extreme of a christian home that I know other women in the usa grew up in. I knew girls who experienced significantly worse things than I did. I was given a few options outside of immediate motherhood, allowed to wear pants, allowed to celebrate holidays, allowed to go on birth control, allowed to leave the house by myself, allowed to go to a real school instead of being “homeschooled”, allowed to wear a one piece swimsuit, etc by my parents. I would actually call them moderate by comparison. I was even sort of given a sex ed talk by my mother. It was not medically accurate or really acceptable in the slightest but I’ve heard of women here being married off not knowing anything about how sex works. The problem with some of the conversation about this abortion thing is that a lot of people do not know how deeply and dangerously the religious extremism in the usa goes. There are people very high up in the conservative party who are evangelical christian extremists. Trump got major support from christian extremists here. There are scotus judges who are involved in christian extremism. People don’t know about this because it starts and grows in the states that are consistently forgotten about (like flyover states) and in rural communities, not big cities. Like Missouri, that place is a total mess. There are politicians there who have stated that they literally want to turn the us into the handmaids tale. The quiverfull movement is playing a major part in whatever the fuck is going on here too. If you want a good example of american evangelical christian extremists there’s the duggar family. Idk how many people outside of the us know about them.

I hope more people here start waking up to the fact that religion extremists have taken ahold of the us. It’s bad and we can’t stop it if we don’t know about it. This is a plan that has been in action for decades and it could have been stopped sooner. The us is unfortunately not a very secular country. Some politicians are calling for christian nationalism even, it’s terrifying. Separation between church and state has been long dead here. Also Fox News is involved somehow. This country is being rotted from the inside out by evangelical christians.

Almost funny story that I didn’t know where to include: female pleasure is so taboo here that I didn’t even know what my clitoris was actually called until adulthood and I was finally able to research the things I was never taught and actually go to the gynecologist for the first time. I didn’t know that it wasn’t a physical abnormality. I thought that there was something wrong with me. I also thought that vaginal penetration was supposed to hurt. That is what I grew up hearing from my first period. That my “wifely duties” would hurt. I didn’t know that it could be pleasurable and I was so terrified that it made me scared to even touch myself for a long time. That is why I will not let that anti-female pleasure type rhetoric radblr likes so much go unnoticed. I’ve done a lot of healing and learning since breaking free of religion and like I don’t want anyone to promote that kind of harmful stuff, if that makes sense. It hurts women.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your input. I'm glad you could free yourself of all this, it takes a lot of courage.

Stories like yours are also why I'm not backing down about this subject. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it on your own blogs, consider mine your space, I'm with you 100%.

[ash-morse]

IC TASK 004 : THE INTERROGATIONS

when: december 16th

Court’s first questioning had gone by utterly unremarkably - it had only been a few minutes long, having answered the questions with nothing to note, and going about his day. In all honesty, he hadn’t thought much of it since he had walked out of that room. It was easier to put the entire situation out of his mind then think about something having actually happened to Greer, only really facing the fact when it was brought up to him again - which, fo course, made each time he recalled the fact that THE GOLDEN GIRL was missing feel like another gut punch.

Which surely wasn’t helping with the nerves he was feeling as he was waiting for his questioning this time around. 

“Mi - uh - Courtney Mills?”

He looked up when he heard his name called, standing up from the seat he had claimed while waiting, lips pressed together at the agent who had stumbled over what to call them. “Mister is fine,” he said politely, the smile on his face undoubtably tight - or it would be to anyone who knew him, familiar with how easy his grins usually were. 

It wasn’t the greatest omen. Court was aware that gender was...complicated, and was perfectly fine with going by he/him pronouns - preferred it even, most of the time! Though he did have to wonder how much of that was due to his constant desire to not rock the boat. But he definitely wasn’t going to examine that with FBI agents - they could call him whatever the fuck they wanted.

But anyways. 

He followed the tall (attractivelikeholyshitwhydidhelooklikethat) agent into the office they had commandeered to interview people out of, gulping as the door shut behind him, sitting into the chair Agent Choi motioned towards, eyes darting between the three agents in the room. 

“So, Courtney,” Choi began as he sat down opposite them, leaning back relaxed in his seat, the exact opposite of Coco’s ramrod straight spine, knee bouncing up and down underneath the table. 

“Court’s fine,” he said, attempting to offer a smile - again, anyone who really knew how freely the smiles on his face usually came would recognize that it was strained. 

The agent paused, glancing over at the dark haired woman, who scrawled something down on her notepad (probably just his name, right? It had to just be his name, there’s no way he had already fucked up in his first two words, like that was impossible...right?) before looking back at him. “Right. Court,” Choi said. “To start, can you talk about your time capsule video? Give us some context for the clip that was leaked?”

That was not the direction they had been expecting them to start in. Court’s head angled to one side, his smile faltering for a second. It’s not that he had anything to be guilty over. Sure, he had been in a weird head space, but it was just...ranting in a state of vulnerability. Not that that made it any easier to talk about. “It’s a bit out of context, to be honest,” he said. 

Court paused, letting out a deep breath. “Honestly, I was sorta, like...it gets better-ing. Talking about how things had changed for me since high school. I wasn’t the most popular, you know-” at that, the female agent’s eyebrows raised, Courtney catching it out of the corner of his eyes, a flush coming to his cheeks. “But changes like that are hard to get used to, you know?”

Agent Choi nodded. “So do you...consider yourself popular at Ogden?” 

The heat on his cheeks only deepened, Court glancing down at the table. Was that a loaded question or what. “I...guess? I don’t know. I have a lot of friends, I guess, but I’m not like...part of the popular crowd,” he murmured. He had a lot of casual friends. But sometimes it seemed like no one really knew him - but that was something to unpack with a therapist, not with FBI agents. And...well, awfully close to what Greer had said in her video, which couldn’t be a good thing to admit that he related to. 

“Like Greer.” 

Court’s eyes just darted back up to Agent Choi, glancing between him, over to Agent Murray, and to Agent Brown sitting in the back, eyebrows furrowing so a crease appeared between his eyebrows, missing where the question was in that. As a few seconds ticked by, he just nodded, unsure of what else he could offer them. 

"Were you aware that Greer Morrison had submitted a video at the end of last year?”

Lips parted, tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth, confusion only deepening. “No?” he said. Why would he know that? How would he know that? “No,” he said, more firmly. “I, uh...I didn’t really talk about anyone’s videos with them.” 

The agents nodded, a few notes scrawled, Court’s blue eyes widening as he waited in the silence, a nearly audible swallow as he tried to beat down his nerves. 

“Some other students have brought up your relationship with Greer’s boyfriend. Why do you think they thought it was relevant?”

His eyes got so round, the whites were nearly visible around the entire bright blue iris. Shit. Were people talking about him? Oh, no, why would they do that? What he had done...

“Uh, um...” he stammered, shrugging up his shoulders. “Kit’s one of my best friends, you know? And he was, uh...Greer’s boyfriend? So that’s probably why people...thought it was relevant?” Coco said, his voice rising into a question with the end of every sentence. 

Agent Murray finally spoke, her dark eyes inscrutable as she leaned forward, her demeanor nowhere near the easy-going one of Agent Choi. “Had Greer brought up breaking up with him ever? Or anything of the sort, like she did in her video?” she asked.

Coco’s eyebrows turned upwards in the middle, his lower lip ever so slightly jutting out. “Not, uh...no. I mean, not to me,” he said softly, shaking his head. That had made him sad - thinking that it had probably made Kit sad. And he hadn’t even gotten a chance to talk to him about it before he had been kicked out of school. Which was even sadder. 

Agent Choi glanced over at Agent Murray, some sort of communication apparently going on between them with just a few glances, something Court would’ve noticed if he had looked up from where his hands were clasped on the table, though he was still wallowing in the reminder of his best friend. “And...did you ever hear of anything regarding THE NAIVE NEWCOMER using steroids? You’re on the same team, correct?” Agent Choi asked.

 That had Courtney’s head snapping back up right, mouth hanging open. “No! No,” he said. “Absolutely not. He...he wouldn’t. There’s no way,” he said - no, insisted. He knew he had things he didn’t talk about, things he hid from his teammates to be able to play, things people wouldn’t suspect of him - but Kit wouldn’t have. There was no way it was true. 

The scrawling of a pen has their eyes shifting back towards Agent Murray, who didn’t look up from her notes, causing Coco to swallow again, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. 

“Do you have any reason to believe THE GOLDEN GIRL would want to leave Ogden College?”

Court just shook his head, curls bouncing. “No,” he said in a whisper. He couldn’t exactly admit the truth, could he. That no matter how good things seemed...there was always a reason.

When it became clear that was all he was going to say, even with the silence the agents let drag out for a few moments longer than were comfortable, Agent Choi spoke up again. “Were you aware of Greer planning to travel to Portugal this summer?”

What? Where did they keep getting these questions from? How were they all related? Coco felt like they were jumping around from question to question just to get his head spinning, wondering if everyone’s questionings had seemed this disjointed, or if he was missing something. “No. Did she go to Portugal?” he asked, nose slightly scrunched up.

Agent Choi offered him a small smile, giving his head a shake. “We can’t disclose that,” he said, leaving Courtney’s lips parted, looking at the agent in ever deepening confusion. “Is there anything you know that you’re not sharing, Mr. Mills?” 

Court just looked at him, still trying to figure out where they were leading him with these questions - because he had no idea what they were looking for with this. “Uh. Um. No,” he said, pushing his chair back. “Am I, uh...good to go, then?” he asked, barely waiting for them to dismiss him before he exited the room, looking like a dog with his tail between his legs as he fled. 

[gglitch1dd]

To Be Better -MHA

Bakugou x (Kirishima x GN!Reader) Angst to Comfort

Context: Kirishima, Bakugou and you were all best friends. So you all knew when something wasn't right with another. But Kiri and you didn't expect to find Bakugou starving himself to be better.

Warning: Negative thoughts, T.W: starvation, self-hatred, comparing of two different people

“... I was talking to Inko and we were both watching the news together like we do on Fridays and we saw you and your friends take down that one villain with the cloud quirk.” Mitsuki Bakugou talked to her son through the phone.

Katsuki Bakugou, however, couldn’t care less. Ever since he was kidnapped in his first year at U.A his father had insisted that he talked to them every month or so to make sure he was doing okay in the dorms. He, of course, thought it was unnecessary and so did his mother but he didn’t want to upset his father so he put up with it for him. Plus, he normally finished all his work and studying quite early so he had nothing better to do than catch up with his parents.

“Izuku looks so much buffer now, Katsuki. He’s really taking his hero training seriously.” His mother continued to ramble on about Midoriya. Bakugou rolled his eyes. He hated whenever she talked about him. Sometimes he just wanted her to focus on him, her son. “What food have you been eating, Katsuki? I noticed your face has gotten chubbier.”

Bakugou froze from his position on his bed. “What?” He asked her, anger seeping through his voice.

“Argh, you heard me. What have you been eating there? I thought you always monitor what you eat.”

Bakugou sat up as his eyebrows furrowed deeper. “I do watch what I eat. What are you saying, old hag!”

“Don’t shout at me, brat! I’m just asking! If you want to be a chubby hero, go continue what you’re doing.” She let out almost as if she didn’t care. “Just don’t come blabbing to me about what the press says about you if they see it too. It’s better you hear it from your mother than from them.”

Bakugou felt his palms dampen as anger coarse through his veins. His free palm that wasn’t holding his phone, sparked. “TCH! Whatever. Listen, Old Hag, I need to go to bed. I don’t need you bothering me. Tell, Pops I said bye.”

“Alright, but you should ask Izuku about his workout routine. Don’t you want to be better, cute and slim like Izuku? He could help you slim down your-”

He ended the call not even wanting to hear anything more about Midoriya or his body image. His scowl deepened as he looked at his phone. He always hated when his mother compared him to Midoriya. Whenever she mentioned that green haired hero to him. She always did it when he was younger. Even when Midoriya was found out to be quirkless, she still wanted him to be kind like Izuku. To be a hard worker like Izuku. To have better manners like Izuku. To be better just like Izuku.

Bakugou threw his phone against his pillow and stood up. He slid off his tank top and was going to put it in his drawer when he paused. He had saw his image in his mirror. He hesitated but walked back to stand in front of the mirror. He had always been a slim kid but he had to gain more muscle and mass due to hero work. To be stronger and to be able to withstand attacks to his body. He knew he needed the extra weight but yet somehow he couldn’t help but look at it with a bad taste in his mouth. Suddenly his waist didn’t seem tight enough and his face…

God, he hated his face.

Always carrying that scowl that everyone mentioned. He always looked so angry, so unapproachable.

What type of hero would people want to be around that looked like that?

He also hated his chest. He had a big chest, it couldn’t be helped. Even at the end of middle school he had to blast some guy in his class to saying a joke about how he had big tits like a girl. He tried everything since then and nothing worked. It couldn’t be helped that he had them.

He hated them.

His feminine features are what he hated the most. His chest, his ass, his waist. Everything. He wanted them to just be different. To have a more masculine look like Midoriya started to build up. To be broader and look like his mother’s definition of a perfect son.

Bakugou quickly turned his head away from the mirror not bearing to stand it. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt the feeling of hot burning rage in his chest. Not directed to his mother or Midoriya but to himself.

He heard a knock at the door. He sighed and shrugged back on his tank top. He walked over to the door and threw it open. “What?” He asked, anger still burning inside him.

You and Kirishima stood at the door with your stupid bright smiles on your faces. It directly contrasted his angry expression that you had both gotten used to. “Hey, Bakugou.” You greeted.

“It’s time for dinner, dude.” Kirishima informed him as he motioned for the angry blond to come into the hallway. “Come on. The class is waiting for us.”

Bakugou and Midoriya normally trained at nights every few days or so with All Might, so they would both just get back and go to their dorms to change for dinner. This time, they had come back early and Bakugou decided to call his parents, seeing as they were due for another check in.

“I’m not hungry.” He automatically responded. He wasn’t sure how the lie just fell out of his mouth. He never lied. He always responded with his truth because there was never a need to lie. So, why was that his response? A day in the hero course would leave anyone starving. Heck, he could feel his stomach growling.

Why are you lying?

Both you and Kiri shared a look. You were both very skeptical about that. Of course, Bakugou didn’t eat as near as much as Kirishima did or others in class but he always told you all the importance of eating regularly and healthy. It was sort of annoying especially since you all also heard it from Iida.

“Uhh…” You started. “Are you sure, Bakugou?” You asked with a raised eyebrow. “You normally-”

“I’m not fucking hungry. I’m tired, alright. Training with that damn fucking nerd gets to me sometimes. I just want to sleep.” He interrupted you.

You opened your mouth to push on but you saw the look Kiri gave you. He shook his head as if understanding that the blond needed his space. He looked back up to Bakugou and smiled. “Sure man. Have a good night, alright?”

Bakugou relaxed his shoulders, glad Kirishima was leaving it be. “Yah, yah. See you two idiots tomorrow.” He waved a hand and closed the door.

The both of you shared a glance, not leaving just yet. Bakugou was acting strange. The three of you were best friends and could read each other quicker than anyone else could. With the three of you being in Class A’s hero course together you all lived in the dorms together. You could tell when he wasn’t behaving like he normally would.

Kiri took your hand firmly. “Come on. Lets go back downstairs.” He told you with a soft smile. You gave him a smile back and walked away from Bakugou’s dorm with him.

Bakugou relaxed against his door as he heard the elevator door close, leaving him the only one on his floor. He slid down to the door and gripped his head harshly. His thoughts were racing in his head.

Why would he do that? Why did he lie? It didn’t make any sense to him, whatsoever. He never lies to the both of you. The both of you were his best friends, even when he was acting like an absolute asshole. You both stuck by him closer than you probably should.

Bad friend.

Worthless.

Brat.

Be better!

Izuku wouldn’t do this to his friends!

Why can’t you be a good friend like Izuku!

BE BETTER!

Bakugou squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to block out his thoughts. This was his punishment. He was punishing himself. He had to be better. He just had to. Even if it meant just skipping one meal.

Both you and Kiri knew something was up about Bakugou. You had the feeling for quite a while now.

The changes in Bakugou’s behaviour were subtle and hard to see but they were there. Tiny but there. For one, he was quieter than usual. Bakugou was a quiet person, unless provoked which was quite often but now he wouldn’t explode and Midoriya as much as he used to. He had this far away look about him.

At first both you and Kiri shrugged it off as him maybe just not wanting to talk. He never normally did. And the whole class saw it as him being nicer to Midoriya (if that was even possible). So the both of you ruled it out as just that. Bakugou was much more different then how he was when he first entered UA. So, maybe it was part of his growth.

Then he started to seem… well.. paler. Less healthy. Which was odd since he lectured people (like Iida) to eat better and to keep in top hero shape. His eyes seemed to lose the same vivid redness that the both of you knew. You didn’t know how it was possible since he always seemingly ate his meals although he would be very quick about it and disappear to God knows where to do God knows what. He would never let either of you tag behind. Not you or the squad.

Midoriya had approached the both of you after training one afternoon. He was still in his hero costume from training and was yet to change. Both you and Kirishima were in your school uniform already changed. He seemed hesitant but he knew he had to make sure he wasn’t the only one seeing it. “Hey, Kirishima. Y/N. Can I talk to the both of you?” He asked as the both of you were heading outside to meet with Bakugou who was waiting to walk back to the dorms with you.

Kiri turned to Class A’s problem child. “Yah? What’s up Midoriya?” He asked, stopping with you by his side..

“Is it just me or…” Midoriya looked around the hallway, as if Bakugou would pop out of nowhere and hurdle at him. “Is Kacchan not looking too good?” He asked quieter. Both Kiri and you shared a glance. You were just talking about it yesterday in your dorm room. Midoriya took that as a safe sign to continue. “Like he’s thinner, his hair seems less puffier than usual and he looks a bit… I don't know… sunken in.” He spoke.

You nodded your head. “Yah, we’ve noticed.” You spoke for the both of you.

Midoriya nodded his head, knowing he wasn’t going crazy. “I tried talking to him but he wouldn't budge. I know he's closer with you guys, so can you two talk to him?”

You nodded your head as you looked at Kirishima. “Yah, definitely.”

Midoriya smiled in relief. “Great, I’m glad.” He placed a hand to his chest. “Well, I’ve got to quickly talk to All Might, So I’ll see you guys soon.” He smiled as he ran off down the hallway away from you guys.

You turned to Kirishima. “I told you, we weren’t crazy.” You pointed a finger up at the tall red head.

Kirishima had grown a bunch and had let his hair grow out, at first he was really self-conscious about it but you, Bakugou and the squad were there to help reassure him. Kiri scratched the back of his neck. “Yah, you’re right.” He lets out. “When do you think we should talk to him? I mean we can’t leave him to continue whatever he’s been doing.” You could see the worry in Kiri’s deep red eyes. You frowned at the look on his face. Kiri dragged a hand through his hair. He looked down at the floor as the both of you headed towards the exit. “How could I have shrugged off his behavior? He must need us. I know he doesn’t like talking about things but it doesn't mean I should be so ignorant to-” You quickly stopped the redhead by pulling on a lock of his hair. You saw him visibly tense. “OW!” He shot you a glare and took the lock of hair away from you. “What was that for?”

“Stop getting stuck in your head. There is nothing we can do to change the past. We didn’t see it then, but we see it now.” Kiri looked off to the side away from you, ashamed that he got stuck in his head again. You softly placed your hand against his cheek and turned his head to look at you. “You’re a good person, Kiri. Don’t forget that.” You swiped gently at his cheek. You gave him a weak smile. “We’ll do this together. We’ll help him together. Just like we always do.”

Kiri nodded as he leaned into your palm. The afternoon sun streaming in from outside to light both your sides in the orange gold glow. “Yah.” Kiri turned his head into your open palm. He hummed at the feeling of your hand against his. “I love the feeling of your hands. They're nice.” He smiled. His big red ruby eyes slowly drifted to look at you. One of the things you loved about him was his eyes. His deep red eyes that always looked at someone with all of his attention and admiration.

You smiled at the redhead. Your cheeks warmed at his words. “Thank you, Eiji.” You let go of his face and hooked his arm with your own. You leaned against him as you both continued closer to the exit. “Should we do it after dinner?”

“Yah, let's do it then.”

The both of you clung to Bakugou since you all walked back to the dorms. Not letting him get a moment of alone time. At dinner you both sat at either side of him like any other time, clinging to him. Bakugou looked at the both of you skeptically, not exactly sure about how the two of you were acting. After dinner, Bakugou excused himself and the both of you followed him like sheep. The rest of the squad teased the both of you, but you didn’t mind. You had to know what was going on.

Bakugou felt a bit claustrophobic with the both of you watching over him. He couldn’t get to the bathroom, so he just went to his room. The both of you hanged around him like normal. But then an hour after dinner passed and he felt really uncomfortable. Not specifically with the both of you.

“I’m going to the bathroom. I have to go to bed.” Bakugou voiced out.

Kirishima shot up. “Great. I need to go to-”

“No!” Bakugou interrupted Kiri suddenly. He turned back to the both of you with an angry expression on his face.

Kiri leaned back at the tone of voice Bakugou used against him. “But why, Bakugou?”

“Why?” He asked with furrowed eyebrows as he glared at the both of you. “Both of you two annoying shits have been following me around all day! You haven’t given me a chance to breathe!”

You stood up from your spot on the floor to walk over to stand next to Kiri. You had a worried expression on your face. “Bakugou, we’re just worried about you. We’re your friends. Is it wrong for us to want to be around you?” You ask him, taking a step forward.

The blond looked away from the both of you angry. His hands shoved into his pockets. He felt sweaty in his sweater. He had started wearing longer clothing recently. Which was weird because it wasn’t winter or cold in any way. Kirishima sighed, seeing that it wasn’t getting anywhere. He folded his arms across his chest and frowned at Bakugou. “Fine. We’ll let you go.” You turned to look at Kiri, confused. “But you have to tell us what you’ve been doing after meals. You always disappear randomly. What do you have, diarrhoea?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“What?” Bakugou asked, shocked at the assumption.

You scoffed. “Considering his quirk, I wouldn’t be surprised.” You snarked out from the side.

Kiri tried to suppress a smile as he glanced down at you. “Not the time.” He mumbled to you.

Bakugou looked at the both of you, annoyed. “I don’t have explosive diarrhoea.” That’s when you lost it and started giggling. You had your theories and this was one of them. Kiri shoved you and you stopped. You apologized under your breath, knowing it wasn’t the time. Bakugou rolled his eyes at the both of you. “It doesn't matter what I’ve been doing.”

“Well if it doesn’t matter, then you can tell us.” You folded your arms as well.

Bakugou dragged his hands down his face. “Can you guys just leave!” He started getting annoyed.

“No. We aren’t leaving till you tell us what’s been going on.” Kirishima pushed.

“Please just leave!” Bakugou shouted.

“No!”

“LEAVE!”

“NO!”

Bakugou walked up to Kirishima. His palms sparking. “God dammit, Eijiro! Just lea-”

Kirishima stopped Bakugou before he could touch the both of you and slammed the blond against the wall. His back against the wall and his face staring up at Kirishima. Kiri glared down at him, a spark of anger in his eyes. “Calm down! We aren’t leaving till you tell us what’s going on!” He told the shocked blond. That’s when he noticed that Bakugou had indeed gotten smaller in his grasp. His muscles seemed less packed almost and his face seemed pale and thinner. Kiri leaned back as his eyes widened. “Gosh Katsuki. Have you been eating?” He asked.

Bakugou looked away from the redhead. Not wanting to lie or say anything to the both of you right now. That’s when you realized what he had been doing to himself. You took a step back as you covered your mouth in shock. “Katsuki… please tell me you haven’t…” You couldn’t finish the statement, not wanting to believe it. Bakugou felt more anger flood through him but it wasn’t at you. It was at him. For doing this to himself. For letting you find out.

Kirishima looked at the both of you, still confused. “What? What has he been doing?”

You turned to Kiri. “Help me get him on the bed.” You tell him. Not questioning you just yet, Kiri did as he was told.

Bakugou’s eyes widened as Kirishima manhandled him down onto his bed. “Hold on! Wait! Stop it!” As Kiri pinned him down, you reached for Bakugou’s sweater. The blond didn’t stop fighting so you just decided that the best plan of action was to rip it open. Once it was torn down the front, the both of you paused. Your assumption was right. Kiri let go of Bakugou his expression filled with worry and sadness. Bakugou looked away from the both of you, tears pricking his eyes. “I know what you're going to say. I know you’re angry, disappointed… but you don’t understand.” He let out. “I had tried everything to be thinner.” You heard his voice break in sadness. “To be better like that damn Deku!” He placed a hand to his chest as tears streamed down his face. “I hated myself. I needed to be better. I-”

Both you and Kirishima quickly tackled the blond into a hug. You were on his right while Kiri was on his left. You both were crying with him, holding him so tight, you didn’t even think he could breathe. Bakugou was shocked. He didn’t think this would happen.

“Please… talk to us whenever you feel like this. You might not love yourself but we do.” You let out, your voice shaky and weak.

“We love you so much, Katsuki.” Kirishima let out, sincerity in every word. He backed away and looked down into the crimson eyes of his best friend. “We love you just the way you are. You don’t need to be better. If you want to be thin, be thin but there’s a better way to do it! We could have helped you.”

“We still can.” You let out. You moved back to sit and look down at Bakugou next to Kiri. “Please, just… talk to us.”

Bakugou closed his eyes tight as he felt a sob wreck through his body. Tears flowed down no matter how hard he tried to stop them. You pulled the blond up and held him in your arms, safe against your chest. Your head on top of his. You rubbed his back soothingly.

Kirishima took the both of you in his arms. His warmer and bigger body, engulfing the both of you. Bakugou just felt more sobs erupt from him at the feeling of the both of you there with him. “Let it out, Kats. Let it all out.” Kiri spoke in a hushed soothing voice.

Bakugou hiccupped as he leaned his head against you. “I’m so sorry.” He cried. “I didn’t know-” A hiccup and stutter interrupted him from speaking.

“We don’t blame you. We’re not upset with you. We’re here for you.” He reassured the blond. The both of you just let him release all that pent up emotions from within. You both knew that it would be a long road to him going back to some sense of normality, and you probably needed to tell Aizawa about this, but right now… he needed you. He needed people that loved him.

He didn’t need to be better.

He was himself. And that was all he needed to be.

A/N: You are perfect the way you are. Never forget that.

-Glitch1d

[libraryofloveletters]

Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context) 

Category: fluff for the most part. 

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do. 

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication. 

Letters had always been more of your thing. 

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him. 

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30. 

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter. 

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving. 

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment. 

September 30th.

‘Hi baby! 

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon. 

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ? 

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :) 

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you. 

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd. 

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure.  I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back. 

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor. 

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming) 

Peace out, 

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind. 

November 4th. 

‘Dear Evan, 

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you. 

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter. 

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up. 

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer. 

Anyways, signing off for now. 

Yours always, y/n. 

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet. 

December 21st. 

‘Hey y/n, 

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me. 

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now. 

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun. 

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now. 

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description. 

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ? 

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n. 

Peace out, 

Evan. 

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th. 

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it. 

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan, 

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ? 

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go. 

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories. 

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had. 

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah) 

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present? 

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country. 

February 12th. 

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it,  a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name. 

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas. 

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me. 

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell) 

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ? 

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it. 

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it. 

Peace out, 

Buck’ 

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash. 

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’ 

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there. 

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August. 

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it. 

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now. 

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall. 

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that. 

Except, she was still busy. 

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile. 

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n. 

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties. 

A fresh start. 

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into. 

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates. 

Buck’s last letter to you. 

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing. 

‘Dear Buck, 

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change. 

Guess where I decided to go ? 

Did you guess yet? 

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ? 

LA! 

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.) 

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ? 

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first. 

Yours always, y/n.’ 

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye. 

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor. 

The unit number was the only difference. 

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in. 

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address. 

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall. 

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years. 

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you. 

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door. 

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door. 

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?” 

“I am, who are you ?” 

“Y/n.” 

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled. 

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar. 

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer. 

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter. 

“Water’s fine, thanks” 

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you. 

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile. 

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?” 

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose” 

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums. 

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before. 

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?” 

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact. 

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer. 

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?” 

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.” 

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles. 

“Buck, we live in the same building.” 

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other. 

“Okay.” 

----

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[aeempress]

Apritello Express Evidences, part 2

Khem-khem, ladies and gentlemen, we shall continue out praising Apritello's episodes. And yeah, this part will be dedicated, in entirety just one episode.

Purple jacket. April and Donnie's episode.

I really love this piece of masterpiece, because it show April and Dee relationship, better reveals them as characters, and demonstrates their connection. (My previous points at this whole situation)

The episode begins with Donnie sneaking into April's school under the pretext of helping her. Soon, April stated the reason why she called D - her science computer project. Actually, she could take a photo of the code and sent it to Donatello, and I'm sure, he would send her the correct one right away, he's coder, he's prodigy, no probbles.

But still, April just asked him to come over and help her without stating any reasons. And he, indeed, came at speed of the light.

I want you to understand what exactly does that mean.

First: April is aware how much Donnie is into human culture. He wants to study in normal human school, do some average teen stuff. Especially, he is loving school and science-related stuff, all these science school projects, visits to botanical gardens, experiments and laboratory work. Because it's his field. It's exactly his domain, where he's good at. His family does not share his interest in science, and April is only one who can understand him. Probably.

Also, April know, how badly Donnie wants to go to school, which gives him an excuse, even if not the most solid one, but an excuse, nevertheless, to visit her school again.

Why again?

Because he has no problem navigating there. Donnie went directly to April's computer class.

He loves this place. And he'd already helped April with her projects.

Even so, knowing that every time she asked guys, especially Don, for help, it turned into a cataclysm, April still called him to help.

It's just a weird, indirect way to say, " Let's hang out, I know how much you like this whole situation with science, school and etc. Here ya go, buddy"

It seems like April did that to make something pleasant to him, something small, but nice to make him feel better. Because, as I state before - he likes to help April (praise, doing something useful for April - still counts as a motivation) and he likes school.

Second: khem-khem, D came at her school, as it seems, right away she called/texted. He didn't even know the proper reason, but c'mon: April ask for help, plus, her school. Sounds legit, don't you think?

Anyway, April has always been being the reason and excuse for teetles, but especially for Donnie. Clear? Clear. Good.

Donnie also tends to not think things through when he is excited. Because he went at the daylight in place, full of people just to help April.

ROTTMNT shows us how turtles were really afraid of human reaction and possible consequences. They have plan "H" to pretend they are going to Galaxy Con, brothers have explanation why they look weird and it's definitely not because boys are mutants, uh-huh, no, plus, guys go on surface at evening or night hours, when there are not so many people, and it's dark, obviously, to cover them and keep unseen.

Yeah, of course, Donnie seems more capable then his brothers to handle the surface (he has cash, D's dressed up as old ladies more than once, according to Leo, he was in April's school before, so yeah, no big deal) and I suspect that his friendship with April is one of the reasons.

Third: do you remember how April worried about looking "normal" when she was finally invited to a school party? She even forbade Mayham to appear nearby, just not to look like the lizard boy. Because cool kids don't bring pets to school. April doesn't have many friends, or rather, there are none at school, and she's been trying to solve this problem by getting close to Taylor Martin, the coolest girl in school.

And April O'Neil just calls Donatello, an objectively strange guy (since when is it normal to be a fan of school? Pretty questionable) in place, where her reputation is hanging in a balance. Our girl does not try to hide Dee, as it usually shown in shows for kids, and April do not pretend that she sees him for the first time in her life because, you know, Donnie will catch everyone's attention being himself and may embarrass her in front of her classmates. But no - April says with all her actions: "Yes, I know him. Yes, that dork is with me. And I don't give a damn about your opinion. Your problems, not mine. And yeah, I'm fine with him being here."

I mean it, guys. The devil is always in the tiny details.

The way they behave around each other.

Donatello is way more, MORE relaxed and just being himself: dramatic dorky nerdy ninja with current obsessions. The way he sneaked in school and April's classroom, the way he behaves alone with her is contrasting the way of his attitude while his brothers are near.

Don has a specific way to shown up. Instead of texting her, Donnie used shurekens. Yes, he almost fell off the lamp, but still, that's... quite an entrance he makes there.

April worries about him, when he fell from ceiling.

Our girl feel relaxed enough around Donnie, so she winks at him.

A wink is a fairly casual gesture that shows some expression of sympathy, trust, and togetherness. It's both good for saying "We're in same boat, we're team" and show the playful attitude towards someone. Isn't that an indicator?

Ironically, that being the best friends April and Donnie do not have any secret handshake/brofist/special greeting, as it usually the besties have at kid's series. Like Kendra and Jeremy have.

I can do only one possible logical conclusion: their relationship is far beyond "friends," "best friends," and "family".

Btw, about this certain phrase about secret five.

- Nay, fair April. A secret five[...].

Once again, nice wording, Donatello. Fair April? Maybe I'm too critical, but often when someone wants to convince their interlocutor and at the same time show one's condescension to them, it's usually uses "my dear ..." or something like that. I understand that semantically the difference is not very big, but in the first case, you can feel Donnie's personal attitude, even though he uses a book word. The second is just formal politeness, which emphasizes the difference between the rightness of the disputants.

This phrase were interpreted on official Russian dub as (okay, it's really hard to choose the correct word, because there's a lot of synonyms in English that sits quite well, while on Russian it's just one word, damn) "Нет, милая (No, honey/sweetheart )". Actually, a strange choice of wording, 'cause this is not what usually friends use to say to each other. We prefer use words like " my darling", "my dear", to demonstrate leniency. And again, most often this prerogative belongs to the older generation. Russians rarely throw around such words as "honey", "dear", "sunshine", because this deprives these endearments of any meaning, and a person using them, as a rule, is familiar. Of course, there are people who use them on a regular basis, but I HIGHLY doubt that Donatello is one of them. It's not his style.

But still, maybe I just too critical at this point.

April, as it is shown, have some kind of power to cool and calm him down and bring Donnie back to life reality.

1. Don awakes from his daze while heard April's voice

2. He's literally coming back to life, when April said about his broken jetpack.

3. Dee obediently interrupts his touching farewell to the jacket when April yells at him.

Oh, and his face. I remind you, fellas, we're talking about Donatello, "I really do not like to express emotions"-guy and "I will die if someone broke my bAbEyS"-guy.

And what do we see? Donnie's emoting. And feels free to do that. He's even drooling. (What seems kinda interesting without context, if you're understand what I'm talking about ;))

Dee doesn't seem angry about broken jetpack. And his wide smile, while he's assuring April he can fix it? A few minutes ago, he was steamed when his stuff was stolen, but when the jetpack was broken, he doesn't even raise an eyebrow. Very eloquent.

April is his support

April also supports Donnie whatever he's up to. Yes, she hadn't been excited when Othello had expressed a desire to join the club. However, she also introduced him to Kendra and company. Yes, she showed by her whole appearance that she did not share his joy, but nevertheless, our loyal captain O'Neil was there for him, by his side all this time.

And her sweet facial expression. From "Srsly? Join this jerks?" to "If you dare to even think about to hurt him, I'll smash you".

And one more cute detail about Dee. Even if he does whatever he wanted so badly, Don constantly looks around at April, looking for her approval.

- Be honest, April, do I look fantastic, or SUPERBLY fantastic?

- You look like you drop a juice box in a laundry. (Play nice, April, don't be mean)

He cherishes her opinion.

April had even called him late at night just to, technically speaking, say that his tech were stolen. And what's the big deal with all his outfit? It's late night, they can just sneak out into Nakamura in their usual form. But noooo, April give a special ride on her bicycle. Just. You know. Our girl carried her own weight and his all the way without stopping. And then she went up 53 + floors running non-stop because Donnie's equipment was stolen. And then she had to chase the her classmates, dodge and jump out of the window. Because Purple dragons stole Dee's tech. Like shooting fish in a barrel, no big deal at all.

And it's definitely not because he will be totally crashed or he'll do stupid things during his anger, which will then come out sideways.

And April comes along with him to very end.

By the way, their phone conversations.

Donnie is the very case when "Call at any time of the day or night and I will pick up the phone".

When April called him when he needs D's help with Albearto, when something is definitely going on behind.

As it says in transcript of the episode:

[April takes out her phone, scrolls to Donnie’s listing and calls him. Donatello appears on screen. Behind him a flying microwave wearing boxing gloves shoots lasers at his brothers.]

Don: "You are conversing with Donatello."

April

[Crouched on floor in hiding.]

Dude, I need your help."

Don: "For you, anything. As long as it does not involve bees, or spiders, or beach balls.

[There’s an explosion behind him and his brothers cry out, which he ignores.]

And yeah, he took her incoming immediately, he ignores absolutely and totally everything around him, because... April? Expositions, bloody flying microwave bot turned to destroy mode, his brothers screaming and being in life-threatening situation? Naaah, it can wait.

Donatello was at Todd's, building "the puppiest place on Earth" and was very enthusiastic about to finish this thing. But he paused anyway to answer April.

We already know how obsessive with work Don can be: if something interesting gets into his field of view, he begins to do it all day long. Remember "The Purple Game" - a very revealing case. Yeah, we weren't shown how much Donnie is into engineering, but I can guess that point remains the same.

April called him at late night and Donnie picked up the phone.

April, unlike Donatello, is a teenager who is burdened with social relationship such as family, school, and work periodically, which implies a more or less strict schedule to follow and some conventions, such as " April, you can't go out late at night to catch robbers, you are underage and you have to go to school/work tomorrow). However, she was watching the news late at night, so she called Dee. ( I have a lot of questions, but I'll never get answers, as it seems)

D, in turn, doesn't have so many contacts with the outside world. I highly doubt that anyone else outside of the family and April has his number. And yet, when he hears the call late at night he takes it. Yes, he had awaken from the nightmare, but still.

And what's up with his usual "You're conversing with Donatello"? He didn't even understand what's going on, as it seems, he's too sleepy to play his usual image and playfully attitude as we could see in "Hypno Part Deux" and "War and Pizza".

Adorable couple-like D&A arguing

April very rarely uses "I told you so" against anybody, or rather, this is almost the only case. This phrase is more suitable for Leo or Donnie, and you know," I told you so! " we usually use on people we know well, and we want to tease 'em about them being wrong. Which, in fact, once again highlights and proves how close D&A are. And I don't even get started about the fact that this is more like a couple's quarrel, not a friend's.

And one more time - in the end, when April suggests using the jacket to stop Kendra.

Their teamwork

I stated that before, I'll tell it one more and more times. The chemistry of their team interaction is incredible. It's as if they can feel each other, and each knows what the other is capable of doing in the next moment. April easily adapts to Donnie's attack, realizing his plan.

Donnie also throws them both out of the window in order to continue the pursuiting Kendra on the jetpack. Don is one hundred percent sure of April, that she will understand what he wants to do, Dee trusts her with his life without hesitation, and she has never used his jetpack. He just puts her before the fact: April will be using the tech.

Up for Donnie!

I really like how this scene was made. Donatello struggles with his own tech, somewhat he made by himself, having invested almost whole himself and his soul, but what "betrayed" him in end. When Dee finally managed to shake one of his battleshell, which almost choked him, Donnie feel so scared and unsecured. We can see his anxiety - Dee's coaching position with covering his head with his hands and tucking his knees.

Defenseless, helpless, and mostly lost, and then, just in time - hero comes to save his life. She uses Donnie's name as battlecry, look how furious she is.

Funny fact: on Russian dub April yells "Don't touch Donnie! (how dare you, madafaka)

April fits in Donnie's type of girls. She's cute (obvious) and mean (not so obvious).

I can't say that meanness is the main feature of April's character, as we can say about Kendra. But this personality trait is still present in her and sometimes it does not manifest itself so widely. April's meanness is not so pronounced, it is much softer and smoother, and it is not exposed.

But April becomes really mean when someone messes up with Donnie.

She's his support and prop. Literally. Just look at first frame, okay-okay, jokes aside

She's genuinely enjoying of kicking bad guys ' asses, even letting go of witticisms and barbs.

Last scenes

Don survived a rough night: he was used, his tech was stolen, so he and April had to chase the satin robed punks. Donnie was hit in the head with a hammer, he fell from a bird's-eye view, passed out and then his battleshell tried to strangle him. And April is here to comfort him, to cheer him up.

Yes, we don't get any hugs (because it's kids show, bleh), the tactility is kept to a minimum, except for April's comforting hand on his shoulder, but they don't even look at each other. But the softness of her voice, the intonation with which she utters a phrase (that is usually sent to the friend zone, but "pal" is really neutral word, and the most important how she said that) turn the scene upside down. It is not what April did to comfort him matter, it's how she did this.

I said "yes" to you way too often

April mirrors Donnie with his "Anything for you". Yes, of course, she said this with a certain amount of grumbling, but her voice and her demeanor suggest otherwise - she is not at all averse to going to giving in him.

And the way they're look at each other.

This one

And one more detail

It's really tiny, it's hard to catch from the first watching the episode, but still, it's possible. I'm talking about graffiti on the walls of the alley where April and Don had landed.

This one

Yeah, if we speak about reality it's quite normal to see graffiti like this. But we talking about TV-series, where everything has its own place and meaning. And if there something, it must be there, it's not just whim of artist who put it in there. But this little graffiti changes the mood of scene.

[ghostietea]

Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.