#Whom I fear I will never meet because I wouldn't know how to want them correctly in a way they understood

[wlwitchofwhitestone]

I wouldn't trade my years identifying as ace for the world and for all intents and purposes I still fall heavy on that spectrum, but a really painful thing about realizing there is a part of me that's learning how to want and wanting experiences I've never thought about before is that I now feel too old and inexperienced to start. Like I should already know how people interact with each other and how want invites want and I'm new to all of it after spending years comfortable with the idea I never would. There's a language I've never spoken and now that part of me is interested, I have no idea how any of this works. The initial joy of self discovery is very quickly brought down by anxiety around not being good enough for something I never had to worry about before. Suddenly figuring out that I want to share my life with someone means suddenly being faced with the fear I'll never find them. I can be alone, god knows I've proven that, but I'm tired of it and wanting is a vulnerability and I'm really bad at having those.

[aspoetssay]

Sunny… You’re a Godess… I love your work ! Are you comfortable with alphabet headcanon ? If it’s a yes, can I ask a SFW alphabet for Price ?

JOHN PRICE SWF ALPHABET (john price x gn!reader)

I'm back to posting after my exam session! Thank you so much for this request and your kind words! I hope you will like this as it is my first time writing something like this!

swf template

A = Affection

Price is a fairly affectionate man. He loves to get his hands on you - not very big on PDA, but he doesn't back away from occasional kisses in front of others. His hands in yours is a must. And trust me that he is not afraid to tell you he loves you or that you look beautiful in front of others—yes, he will get some teasing from others, but nothing will shut them up quicker than the look from their Captain.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He's very caring as a friend - that man has a huge golden heart. Most of his friendships start on the military bases, meeting new people, and working with them. Since his job is a massive part of his life, it's unlikely for him to make friendships outside his job. However, he does have a friend from school with whom he reconnects a few times a year and just talk about anything.

You just know that he will remember any detail you tell him about yourself. He won't forget your birthday—he'll miss it, yes, because of his work schedule, but as a best friend, he will try to avert your wrath with something you enjoy.

C = Cuddles

Cuddle bear. That man needs to hold someone or be held. Big on being the big spoon, of course, there is nothing he enjoys more than having your body against his and sharing his warmth. If you are the type of person that's always cold - great! He'll make it his personal mission to warm you up immediately.

The type of man to admit he loves cuddling and won't ever be ashamed of it. He enjoys being held and if you do, especially in the middle of the night, unconsciously, that man will melt on spot.

D = Domestic

Price is old-fashioned so a domestic lifestyle is his dream. He is the type of man to move to a house near a lake when he's finally retired. Would totally build a sauna or a tree house, or even get handy and build a house by the lake.

Pretty decent at cooking, but doesn't go beyond searching for new recipes or trying new tastes. If your palette is more defined and you introduce him to the different cuisines, he'll definitely lick the plate you make. But if it's his turn to cook - expect simple English food.

The man is clean - the military forced him to become tidier. There aren't unnecessary decorations or stuff that he doesn't use in his house. It's important for him to live in a tidy environment, so his place is kept as tidy as it can be.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Price would tell you the truth. He wouldn't be the type of person to sugarcoat it or lie about wanting to end the relationship. He appreciates communication and even if he knows how much it will hurt you, he has to be truthful because he owes you that.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He would definitely propose to you quickly. If you are in a relationship for two years, three years max - he's already down on one knee. He is definitely the guy to fall in love quickly, but he doesn't trust everyone with his feelings. So if the two of you are dating for quite some time, it means he trusts you unconditionally and, why wait any longer? He gets weak from thinking about marrying you, please bear with him.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Super gentle! His touches are never rough. His worst fear would be hurting you accidentally - he would never forgive himself. His job is so violent where he has a place where to shake off his negative emotions. With you, he's bare. The loss, and the environment of his job fall down on his shoulders and he allows himself to be vulnerable.

H = Hugs

Back hugs. Back hugs. Back hugs. Back hugs. Just give him the opportunity to be behind you and he'll always wrap his hands around you. It doesn't matter if you are alone or in front of other people. He has this hidden urge to always protect you and be close, and holding you in his hug is one of the many benefits of having you near.

His guilty pleasure is emotional hugs. When he gets back from a mission, after months of not seeing you, drained emotionally and physically. But the way you wrap your hands around his neck and pull him closer, making him wrap his arms around your back, slightly squeezing you, makes him shed a few tears. Home. You feel like home.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Would want to say it sooner than he actually does. But he waits for the perfect opportunity where he knows that you are comfortable with hearing him say it. Even though in the first months of when you two started to date, he mumbled those three words in his sleep.

J = Jealousy

Price totally gets jealous as he is protective over you, but he doesn't get into an obsessive mood. Authoritivity is a huge part of him, so he knows his worth and he knows no one in their right mind would mess with a Captain's partner. However, when he's jealous because a newbie keeps eyeing you, making weird moves towards you, the newbie will be silenced quickly. Price doesn't have to say something, it's enough to catch his look. The look that will make the newbie question their place in the military training.

K = Kisses

Simple kisses with him are the best. Really enjoys pecking your lips too many times to get you all worked up and giggly. But those kisses after you two share prolonging eye contact— His lips find yours, his heart bursting into flames, the heartbeat ringing in his ears. It was odd for him to feel so in love every time he kissed you. It's as if he's falling in love over and over again and that feeling is so addictive that he kisses you again and again, and again.

If he's in a rush, he'll kiss your cheeks softly, his hand lingering on your face for a second longer before he storms out of the house.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Price is great with children. However, he's only good with children that are of his own or in his family. He might feel weird if in a playground a random child asks to pass him the ball that rolled to his feet. It also depends if he has children of his own or not. If he has - he'll be the best father to ever exist. He'll shower them with affection and protect them, trying to spend every moment with them. If he doesn't have kids but wants them, you will notice that random walks through the playgrounds in the park are getting more often.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He'll not let you get out of bed on a lazy day. Where is the rush? Not only it is hard to leave bed every morning on its own, but when he is your personal heater - it's impossible to get up early. If you'll insist on getting up - oh, you better believe that his Captain side will come out at this point. He'll order you to stay and even if you would try to disobey, something about his authoritative tone makes you fold and you have to stay. And, trust me, if you behave, he'll make your time worth it.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Not a fan of staying up late or doing something at night. He has a pretty ruined sleeping schedule, so any type of sleep is important to him. Occasional date nights or movie nights happen, but you understand better than to keep him awake. As much as he would want to be a night owl, he really is not. There are too many times he dozed off on the couch when you two were watching a movie after midnight. Please, let that man get him a well-deserved eight hours of sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

He's a closed-off person because of his job. He's in the Special Forces, and he doesn't go chit-chatting about his job left and right. Even in a relationship, he doesn't share all the details - he's not allowed to. But if we are talking about emotional things, he'll warm up to you gradually. Not the type of person to trauma dump you because he cares about your well-being as well and is afraid to scare you away. He knows that he is deeply messed up, but he acknowledges his flaws and traumas and tries to work on them the best he can. If you are a dear person to him, trust me, he'll hand you his heart over. Please cherish it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He's not really patient. He is used to people obeying his orders and a military job means that everything has to be done fast and cleanly. He doesn't put up with teasing aura well, especially in serious moments.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?)

Everything. Price is definitely that type of man to pull out dates in a conversation:

"Remember the place we dined on the 16th of September?"

"What?"

"2015."

"It was eight years ago, how should I—“

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you laughed at his dad's joke. Not only it slightly stroked his ego that you laughed at his horrible joke, but the sound of your laughter made him swoon. Ever since that time, when you called him unfunny, he reminded you of that time when you laughed:

"Your laughter said otherwise."

"Then you were funny. Now you're just getting old."

S = Security (How protective are they?)

The field of his job does leave him paranoid. Many horrible people might go after him and might use you to get to him. He doesn't know what he would do if you would get hurt because of him. For instance, he'd track them down and wreck them and then retire. Your security matters the most. His job is already to clean up the mess silently and to slightly make it better, but you are everything to him. He'll search the whole world just to find you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Isn’t the best at coming up with grandiose or innovative gifts, but will surprise you with flowers, sweets and little things that remind you of him. He’s far better with you just telling him straightforwardly what you want and he will get it for you.

However, he does put a lot of time and sanity into arranging a date. Ordering a table at some fancy restaurant, making sure the setting is nice, ordering flowers, getting you some new clothing for the occasion. It stresses him out, but it always ends up romantic and that’s all that matter.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Smoking. It helps him clear his mind and he really started to smoke because as soon as he joined the Army, he learned that smokers get a few more minutes of free time. He doesn’t smoke a lot, but a few cigars when he is feeling stressed calm him down just a bit.

Forgets to eat when he’s focused on his work. If there are days when he has to deal with paperwork, you better know that he forgets to eat and to drink enough.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not self-conscious. Why should he be? His body is trained, pure muscle and gorgeous (have you seen that teeny tiny waist of his—lord…). He keeps his beard well groomed as well as any other hair on his body. It’s important for him to look presentable not only because soldiers must look well, but also because he knows he is a well-looking guy. Not in a narcissistic way, but you won’t catch him moping about his looks. But compliments are always appreciated.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He needs you like fresh air. His life is messy - one mission to another. Different locations, different settings. You are the only security in his life. The only still moment that makes him breathe easier and sleep calmer. There isn’t a day he doesn’t think that you are everything he has. Everything he has ever wanted.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

When he is absolutely exhausted, he will snore so loud. It will drive you and everyone crazy. Waking him up and making him fall asleep again will only worsen the situation.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

A really erratic person just doesn’t work with him. He needs stability. He just doesn’t click with a person that changes their opinion every second or isn’t able to express feelings. Communication and honesty are the most important things for him - he cannot stand lying and that would break his trust completely.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

If he’s with you - always holding you in his arms. It’s a must. If he’s away, there is already a collection of polaroids Soap has taken of Price sleeping while hugging a pillow.

Will talk in his sleep occasionally - some incoherent bullshit. But sometimes, you can actually ask questions and he will answer you.

“Do you— love me?”

“Mmmn, yeah…”

“Or do you love Gaz more?”

“Gaz? Yeah— Gaz…”

“JOHN!”

[lightblindingme]

A thought that's been running 'round my mind for a couple of days:

Young Gaius could GET IT! He has an aura about him that lures you in and makes you believe he can and will do whatever he wants. He's got that Big D energy, if you will.

He's cute, flirtatious, attractive, fierce, smart, funny! He loves, he lusts, he hates. He schemes and plots, forges alliances and breaks them, outsmarts his foes and is streets ahead of them.

HE CAN GET IT 👏👏👏👏

And from the first moment he and Livia meet, even the moment he sees her wearing a veil and walking towards Nero, as a viewer you can just sense how intrigued and curious he is about her. And when they actually meet there's fire and lust and passion there - in their body language, their gazes, the unspoken. It makes you feel like you are there with them as well or at least wish to be - that's how charged their energies are. Of course they used each other for political and financial reasons, but the Passion (yeah, with capital P) was there, so palpable and real.

I mean, look at this!

On the other hand, older Gaius just doesn't have the same appeal. He can get it, but only because he's the Emperor and can't be refused. Not once have I thought 'What a stud'... I don't get any sense that he was this 'young Gaius Julius Caesar' who conquered and destroyed and rebuilt Rome and whom others fear or have feared. I feel like older Gaius could never end up with young Livia, that is, she wouldn't consider him as any option other than for political benefit. It's like he's not the same man and the fire that drew her to him initially is missing.

In that regard, to me at least, Agrippa has also changed but towards becoming more open and showing more of his emotions as he was getting older. I can totally buy that young and older Agrippa are the same person because they are both exuding with that strength, passion, and fierce resolution only amplified with age.

As a viewer I knew he had feelings for Livia when he was just a young man and I know he loves her now that they are older because the feelings and actions and his body language show it every.single.time! And regardless of his age, he can get it 👏👏👏 no question!

I'd always root for young Gaius and Livia because they burnt with kin flames, but the only fire, that unbridled passion and actual love years and years later are harboured by Agrippa.

[luverz-exe]

Ok, I literally just requested this but with slashers. But how would scp 049, 035, and 096 react to a darling who clings to things in their sleep. Thank you in advance, I love your writing and can’t wait to see what you write next! Also can I please be Pancake Anon

Yandere SCPs with an S/O who Clings to things in their Sleep

Sure thing, Pancake Anon, hope you enjoy! Sorry it might take longer for these to churn out, but I promise that more is on the way. Also, since 096 doesn't talk, I made one extra thing for them, just cause I'm in a good mood (;

SCP 049

× Well, that's quite the predicament the two of you have gotten yourself into, hm? In all seriousness, this just reminds him on how much he's missing out on. And he can't even sleep in the same bed with you in fear that you might cling to him, that you'll hurt yourself because of him. So he'd much rather sleep on the floor than get near you in bed, but luckily for you two doesn't need that to happen.

× Tries to get things to make up for his lack of touch, like pillows and other such frivolous items, but ultimately feels like it's a cheap replacement to the real thing. And tries to make up for that with verbal apologizes and thank you's. You deserve it after all for sticking with him.

× On a slightly happier note, he's willing to work with you on finding other ways to make up for this lack of touch. Anything in the facility you want? Well then my dear, just say the word, it's all yours! Anything he can do to make up for the tragedy that is bestowed upon the relationship.

"I'm sorry that it must be this way, but this is not something that can be argued. We can only dream, and fantasize about what could be."

SCP 035

× Speaking of tragedy, we have 035, of whom will start to expect you to hold onto him whenever you are near, no matter if you sleep in his containment area or not. And while he tries to come off with having good intentions, saying that he just wants to make sure that you get enough rest, it's clear that he just wants to hold you and not worry about letting you go anytime soon.

× Always makes sure that his host is nowhere close to rotten, as he can understand that most would rather not be snuggling with a corpse. And as soon as he feels that his body is decaying, no matter how much he wants to stay, he's going to put some distance between you and him. Wouldn't want you to be disgusted with him after all, and besides, he wants only the best for you!

× You've got to hand it to him, for being a mask who has never cuddled with someone before, he's doing a damn good job at making sure everything is okay with you, and what you're okay with. What can I say? He's just a fast learner.

"Oh please, I know what I'm doing. Sure, it took some time, but I now know what I need to do. I can assure you of that."

SCP 096

× And speaking being a fast learner, 096 just can't seem to get the hang of it! The limbs are too long for it to be comfortable to you, and it doesn't help that they just sniffle oh so close to your ear. And don't even get me started on the fact you can't look at them without meeting your demise, cause goodness knows this creature can't handle it, even from their obsession!

× If you somehow miraculously fall asleep in their cell, it's an instinct of its to bring you anything warm in the cell, and if nothing's available, then it's more than willing to be the source of some body heat. Too bad the AC in the room is blasting, and 096 is about as cold as to when you first jump into a freezing river, basically ensuring you wake up almost instantly. It also sucks that whenever you do this, it freaks out if you try to escape its grasp.

× It doesn't let you leave the cell, there's no way it could, so the foundation turns the AC down and makes sure to give you something to cling onto. Least you make it think you're interested in it. Cause as soon as you wrap yourself around it, it'll take hours to get it to stop clinging onto you, practically wailing with all its might, it'd take hours to get you off.

× All it is, all it will ever be is a monster with an animalistic mind. Its version of an obsession, or even love, is flawed and crooked. But your special to it, you can't leave, it won't let you. Cause if you even try, it'll cry and wail and drag you back into its cell, into its arms. And it'll make sure it never lets you go ever again.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if... soichiro was bella's dad, and charlie was light's dad? would anything change?

The thing is, anon, that Charlie Swan and Soichiro Yagami seem to be very influenced by their culture and lives.

Soichiro Yagami is a Japanese policeman, head of the NPA homicide division headquartered in Tokyo, with a wife he's not divorced to and children he's not estranged from. Of those children, Light Yagami is the oldest, perfect, son in a very traditional Japanese family (where Light seems to play his role very well).

Charlie Swan is from an incredibly small American town where he becomes a sheriff, is divorced from his wife very young in an absolutely miserable breakup, and estranged from his daughter whom he only meets again when she's a teenager. Just as Soichiro's very Japanese, Charlie is very American.

Basically, what I'm getting at, is that my mind is boggling trying to picture American Soichiro/Japanese Charlie, let alone the pair having the canonically equivalent children.

But I'll try.

Charlie Swan is Charlie Yagami Now

While Charlie's still a dedicated cop, we don't see him having the ambition to climb further than he does in Forks. He's as high as he can go in Forks, yes, but he has no desire to leave the town or his community.

Probably Charlie in this world would gravitate towards being a small-town chief of police in a very rural village in Japan.

He might still gravitate towards a local, vibrant, sweetheart who then leaves him. I'm not sure he'd go for Sachiko, but then again he's Japanese now and Sachiko is much more the ideal Japanese wife/mother. If he does have an ill-fated romance, he's much more likely to get custody of Light than he was in canon (where had Renee not been the mother, she never would have gotten custody of Bella).

In a traditional Japanese rural community, sudden divorce would be much more scandalous even than it is in Forks (where despite Bella's fears people really don't bring it up much/seem to care) and Light (potentially Sayu) would grow up the kids of the runaway bride who ran off to Tokyo.

Which makes it hard to imagine how this affects Light.

Light adores his family in canon, for all he professes his willingness to sacrifce them (when push comes to shove, he really hesitates). He especially idolizes his father and never questions his goal of becoming a police officer because of him.

But Light in this world doesn't have his ideal family. He has no mother, his father is the town laughing stock for all people like him and has no ambition, and he's in a small town where everyone knows everyone and grisly homicide isn't this thing he hears about that often (where I'm sure Soichiro came home with some stories from heading the national homicide division).

I think Light would want to get out of this town, desperately, to make something of himself and support his sister in the city, but I don't know if he'd want to become a cop to do so.

In fact... I think he wouldn't.

Likely, Light would aim to become a business tycoon. (Don't ask me how he plans to do this, the boy's got plans.)

Which means that Light isn't bored.

Filled with hungry ambition and bitterness, oh yes, but not bored. And boredom was one of Light's primary motivators in using the Death Note (as it was what he saw as giving him purpose).

In other words, if the notebook falls here, I'm not sure Light would be inclined to use it let alone go full Kira if he does.

The thing about Light Yagami is that, for all it seemed like destiny, Ryuk also was in the right place at the right time.

Soichiro is Now Soichiro Swan

Again, we have the point that it's unclear if Soichiro would go for Renee. He's American now but the fact that he went for Sachiko in canon means that a Renee probably isn't what Soichiro's looking for.

More, Soichiro isn't staying in fucking Forks.

He heads to Chicago, LA, New York, etc. and joins the homicide division as a detective and workaholic. (This is, of course, if Soichiro doesn't join the FBI).

My point is that Soichiro seems to have married older than Charlie and sought out a woman who would put up with his work schedule and the fact that he is a cop who can die on the job.

This means Bella's parents aren't divorced.

Now, her dad works in homicide, and she gets to hear all about the truly nasty people in the world, but she has a much more stable home life than she did in canon. Probably still suffering low self-esteem, likely feeling she's disappointing her family (she has very good grades but is very introverted and incredibly unathletic).

Now, given no one's in Forks, Bella's probably not moving to Forks nor any place the Cullens would reasonably place themselves. When we meet up with them in canon, for all they have done larger/mid-size cities in the past, they seem to be going for the rural cloudy communities in the middle of nowhere.

But alright, let's say the Cullens come to Chicago.

Well, Bella's dad's a cop, and she's been hearing war stories about domestic abuse for years. She has pepper spray, has taken (and failed at) self-defense classes, and has been told exactly what to look for in creepy men who intend her harm.

Guess which red flags Edward's raising.

I imagine Bella quickly tells on Edward and Edward gets the mortifying experience of having not only been caught by Bella Swan, but having this situation escalate and her father the homicide officer convinced he wants to rape his daughter.

We quickly enter a spiraling scenario where the rest of the family wants to move because, well, Edward, the detective is watching you like a hawk when you might eat his daughter any day now. Let's leave please? And Edward doesn't want to leave because a) Bella smells delicious b) his pride will be in ruins.

As usual, Edward's anguish escalates until he ends up murdering Bella as well as her father and perhaps the entire homicide department as Soichiro had put Edward in the system.

Bella, as usual, fails the Yandere Simulator

[allyriadayne]

Could you talk more about Jace not disagreeing with Daemon but disagreeing with his methods?

yah sure, but this is more or less makes sense if you accept the cut scene between jace & rhaenyra in ep 10 as canon or at least the sentiment of it, that is, that jace disagrees with rhaenyra's approach to war. in the same ep the show presents a sort of rivalry or opposition between daemon and jace that is really a conflict between daemon and rhaenyra. rhaenyra wants to stop everything for a while but daemon wants to act now before the greens send fucking vhagar to kill them all.

ok so this is the scene. jace is a dutiful son and wouldn't dare to disobey rhaenyra's direct order to stop daemon from going to war on his own. the thing is that jace doesn't have an ounce of daemon's influence in the council or amongst the lords and knights. jace is a powerless person hungry for control and in situations where he has it he exercises it ruthlessly like in the scene where he's "teaching" luke to swordfight. luke has to be strong, has to be ruthless, has to be quick, not soft or weak because then people will make fun of them and disregard their claim. this is what jace fears most of all, he can take it because he's learned to repress everything, but he feels he has to teach it to luke, who's more sensitive. daemon is the opposite and knows how to wield the influence he has for his purpose.

while jace doesn't like daemon, or respects him, this instance here (daemon showing jace "the true meaning of loyalty") shows jace that daemon might be onto something to start planning the war right away, that rhaenyra is too slow and too scared. there's a little power play here (inside the bigger power play l o l) where daemon gives and order opposite of what jace is saying, lord celtigar looks at jace and then at daemon before following daemon's orders, this is the kind of power jace wants. and the kind of handling ser steffon in the beach scenes reprimands jace for.

jace is more diplomatic than daemon, it's true, but diplomacy does nothing when the people don't respect you. power is not to be possessed like jace thinks, but to be wielded like daemon does later by threatening the KG with caraxes.

the script for this scene says (credit to velatarg on twitter):

Ser Steffon looks to Jace, with whom he just spoke about tyrants ruling by fear. But Jace refuses to meet his gaze.

in the show jace clearly makes eye contact with ser steffon but jace turns away in shame because he knows it's wrong but doesn't disagree! he then it's awed/scared by caraxes. daemon governs with fear because it's the fastest route to loyalty. love can come later. and it's so ridiculously effective and unnecessary that's just obviously a power play from daemon directed at the KG and at jace in equal form. two birds one stone. jace can't make luke strong, can't make the lords listen to him, can't stop people from whispering about him. unless he could be more like daemon.

in the cut scene, jace says "daemon wants to fight for us" as daemon himself is hacking at other knights in the training yard below, again, exercising his power and violence in ways neither jace or rhaenyra feel they can (and it's so crazy the conversation is so stilted while daemon is always screaming in rage like the dragons feeling their rider's emotions). daemon has shown jace he would do anything for rhaenyra and i think jace would respect that, if not for his mother's sake. like i said, jace is a diplomat as seen by him swaying the lords to rhaenyra's cause in his way north his first instinct would never be to threaten someone with vermax, but again, fear is easier and fastest than love, if brittle on the long run.

with this cut scene we are shown that jace has processed all this: they must do something about the war, about the usurper and daemon's way is proven to be the most effective. rhaenyra is still dithering, still doubtful and jace hates idleness. i think the scene is really interesting in the way it angles the conflict once again between mother and son and not in jace as an extension of rhaenyra against daemon. it makes for another connection with their conflict about the kids' identity and rhaenyra's evasiveness.

jace must act, he must be proactive like daemon if he wants results, he must force rhaenyra's hand if he wants to be respected, if he wants to help end the war.

[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

hi! I read your hiei fic the other day it was really good ^_^!

Could I req a fem!former delinquent!sweetheart!reader with Kurama and Hiei (together is preferred but seperate is fine) thank youu!

also to go in detail - yusuke and kuwabara knew her and feared her (without knowing that she was a girl and actually pretty caring unless you wronged her) then yusuke wanted to fight her and they met up. eventually became a part of team urameshi!

thank you again!

.. reimi

Aw thank you! I'm always glad to see some yyh lovers on here <3

Also since this was like the 80s-90s, I think the 'never hit a woman' thing was even more relevant to them lol

If y'all want part two lemme know! <3

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 <3

Check out my kinktober!

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐇𝐢𝐞𝐢 - 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐭

Bastards.

Can a girl not just be minding her business on the rooftop on her own, without being bothered? This had become your safe space, somewhere you could just forget about these losers that were just looking for a fight.

"Hey! Yuuri!"

That's not your name anymore, but okay.

"'s not my name, asshole."

Somehow people had never connected the dots that you weren't a man. It's a fucking mystery where that little gold nugget of gossip even came from. It's not like you were uniquely masculine looking, you were just very androgynous, and it's not your fault that men's clothes are smarter, more comfortable and made to last longer. Fuck women's clothes, seriously.

You have long hair, but you suppose that people just think you're a cute femboy, like that Shuichi kid from the next school over.

Thus, you had been dubbed "Yuuri", since the general public apparently couldn't be bothered to remember your real name.

Finally, long legs hidden by baggy men's suit pants in a deep black stretch out, knees cracking when you stand. Yusuke doesn't even flinch. Boy, what a trooper.

One would have to be living under a rock, under the ocean, and under another rock to not know who this infamous troublemaker is. This day was bound to come, this guy's probably been in bare-knuckle fist fights with grizzly bears, at this point.

Oh boy, you never know how they'll take the news you're about to break.

"You know, I'm not Yuuri anymore, right?"...

"Meet me in the parking lot in ten!"

"I have class in five minutes"

Your words are lost on him, and you sigh, knowing you're about to stand the poor guy up on what's probably his first date. Poor thing. There's no way in hell you're gonna meet that asshole. He just can't take a hint for the life of him. Just how long has Keiko had that crush on him for?

"Listen, I'm not "meeting up" with you. I'm not in the business of hurting people anymore-"

Let me have my character development arc, asshole.

Nothing more can be said as you walk straight past the little delinquent. Though, he does bristle in offence at your casual dismissal. Maybe you should've rejected him slowly... 'it's not you, it's me...'

Yeah, right.

-

The two of you do end up meeting anyway, curse you and your curiosity, and you now stand in front of Yusuke with the most unimpressed, 'look, you've got the wrong idea' expression.

Meanwhile, Yusuke is looking aweful proud of himself, and it seems he rolled up with the whole pussy patrol. Of course Shuichi is here, whom you know about because of various contacts that keep tabs on suspicious people for you. And oh, boy, is this redhead suspicious after he caught every single contact of yours with ease, and even more so now that he's groupied with Yusuke, of all people.

Kuwabara obviously wouldn't have missed this for the world, but the fourth guy is simply a mystery to you. Mystery short stack wears only black, like you even despite the school dress code, and as soon as you tilt your head in curiosity at him he immediately looks away. Wierd.

The matter at hand is that Yusuke Urameshi wants to fight you, yet you're not willing to go back to starting shit for no reason. It was just too much hassle, and the second your friends and family got dragged into it was when you called it quits.

"Look, whatever dick measuring contest you think this is, I'm not into it, man."

"Yeah, whatever, man! Come on over here and get your ass-kickin', that smug face a' yours says 'kick me' all over it!"

"You know I'm a woman, right?"

The shocked silence that follows is comical, really.

Yusuke and Kazuma had known of you for a while now, and heard of your feats through others that they had left as pulp on the ground, and were genuinely curious about you. Of course, they never knew the were picking a fight with a woman. As much as they like to promote equality, part of them still cringe at the thought of going against the one rule in the book. Never hit a woman.

Everywhere you look, eyes are wide like dinner plates. Everyone seems genuinely caught off guard, even Hiei and Kurama weren't expecting this. They had just come to see Yusuke get his ass handed to him.

"Why is this such a shock to you people?! Do I really look like a man to you?! Am I ugly?!"

"No- no! You- uh- well..."

Kuwabara steps in to save him, and fails miserably.

"We just thought you were one of those really pretty boys- l-like Kur- I mean- Shuichi..."

This is starting to fuck with you now. At the sight of what Yusuke now knows to be an upset woman in front of him, he cringes. Kuwabara's going on about how rude he is for making a girl cry, even though you're not crying, and like he didn't assume you were a man as well, but he's just background noise.

Somewhere in his head he connects the dots, thinking of every woman he knows and how unexpectedly violent they get when they're angry.

"Actually, that makes sense, you know."

-

After this turn of events you had actually forgiven this particular group, and the memory of when they all thought you were a man is now a long running joke between the four of you.

At some point, you'd pointed out to 'Useless Urameshi', as you had dubbed him, that he should talk to Keiko because she likes him, and it was getting a little painful to watch them dance around eachother like idiots.

You had grown especially close with Hiei and Kurama after being sucked into one of their demon-hunting escapades, and although the short tempered fire demon had been especially cold at first, it was nothing you hadn't dealt with before. He was just having trouble opening up to you. Kurama warned that it might take a while to get through to him.

Nonetheless, you had patience, or at least more than you did before you had stopped being a delinquent.

In reality, the group thought you were an absolute sweetheart, and even a bit of a doormat at times, but the second you lost your patience it took a while for them to convince you not to commit murder in the first degree. Even Hiei was genuinely surprised at how unnecessarily angry you could get for just an otherwise ordinary human girl, even despite your slight spiritual awareness.

Despite your temper, the group adored you, and you adored them. Kurama often joked that you were his favourite human because of the behemoth strength behind "such pretty eyes". Butterflies invaded your stomach when he said that and they never left.

The two demons especially took a liking to you, since you treated them so well, and it was obvious to everyone except you, that they were competing for you, ironically. It's like Yusuke and Keiko all over again. He's still haunted by the name you gave him. 'Useless Urameshi- What an ass.' he would think.

[satellitedarling]

hello this is going to be venting,nothing extreme but honestly everyone should have the independence to decide whether to read or interact with this shit so I'd rather say it upfront rather than shove it down people's throats, mentions of prescription drug abuse,you've been warned, with love

Despite my current medication helping me tremendously, I still feel like there's an overwhelming amount to unpack. I feel like an onion, tear off a layer and there's just more and more shit underneath and it seems never ending lol. that's not to say my meds aren't helping me,they definitely are, but they're also bringing to light issues that I had unknowingly "put to the side" while I was suffering a lot more before these meds. I feel so lonely and yet I can't get close to anyone, no matter how hard I try, how many new people I meet, I just can't help but want to run away and distance myself from everyone because I start to think that they hate me or because I feel scared of them, unable to bring myself to talk to them. I don't even know what would help me at this point, I have one friend who I love being around, that I can be comfortable and 100% open with, but they're always busy,always unavailable, it's not their fault in any way of course, but I can't stand that the only person I feel a genuinely deep bond with is someone I see very rarely. I have tried so hard to meet people online and irl, and despite going through the motions, being as open as possible, being as kind as possible, I simply can't feel the same way around them as I do with him, there's just something different about him, we get along so well, he's a sweetheart, an angel who wouldn't hurt a fly, he's the person who makes me laugh the most in the world, the one person I'm not uncomfortable around irl, I fucking love him, platonically that is. I have tried so hard to broaden my horizons, meet new people, but it's like nothing can replace him, I'm tired of meeting new people irl or online, I don't want a large group of friends, I want one or two close ones, that's it, just people that care about me as much as I care about them, a lifelong friendship, marnie and me style, bridge to terrabithia style and many others I can't bring to mind.

I just want to feel as loved as the people I give my love to, they're such wonderful people, I try so hard to please them in any way I can, to be as kind and generous as I can be, respect every one of their boundaries, I'm trying to become the perfect friend but its clearly not working, and it's obviously not their fault but I feel lile I have no one else to turn to, I want a best friend, I want someone with whom I can discuss anything and everything, I want them to be happy to see me just as much as I'm happy to see them, I want to give my all to make them happy, I want to receive the love and care that I'm trying so hard to give. When these rare people I get close to aren't receptive, take distance from me then there's no one to blame but I feel like I'm in an impasse socially: Now what? try to meet new people? it won't feel the same, I'm way too picky about this shit, I feel the urge to run away as soon as I see one small thing that scares me within them.

The people I say this to often make the justified remark that the exclusivity and mutual care for one-another is often a motivator for others when trying to find a romantic partner but I don't want a romantic partner, friends are so much more important to me, being in a relationship was hard because of my asexuality and my huge fear of abandonment, I always need to run away,keep a distance. I need to find a friend, I don't know where, but one that considers me an important part of their life at least, I want a best friend, a lifelong brother/sister that I can always reach in times of need or when I want to simply talk with them, I'm just so tired of not being emotionally available unless with certain people, I'm tired of feeling like everyone hates,avoids, and will abandon me, I try so hard to be a good person in my daily life, I try to make people smile at my work, to cheer them up, to be a ray of sunshine, it makes me feel good but as soon as I'm not working or serving people, that I'm now alone or have free time, I just feel such a crippling loneliness and boredom, I have lots of people to talk to but it simply *never* feels the same as him, no matter how hard i try to form meaningful bonds, the issue comes from within me. fuck this brain.

and then there's the whole aspect of gender envy, disliking my masculine characteristics but not exactly wanting 100% feminine characteristics, I'm tired of my body, only part I like is my face, that's a good start I suppose. just so tired of growing up with the fear of losing my effeminate qualities.

I'm gonna end this here because I'm too woozy and tired to keep writing, I'm so tired, absolutely not suicidal but heavily lonely, this isn't a cry for help per se, but I just can't stand living like this anymore. the only times I feel happy are when I'm working because it stops me from overthinking for a while, ignore my loneliness, feel like a good person

look,im tired, I won't keep writing, I might pass out any second but fuck I can't stand my mind working like this

sorry for this, I just needed to write it down, I can't talk about it with anyone around me irl, it's so tiring, I've made so many efforts and steps and yet the empty feeling won't subside, feels like I'll never find someone like Yann ever again and that we keep getting more and more distant because he's so busy and anxious, I love him so much, platonically, but I could give my life for him if it came to it, I just adore him so much

ok I'll stop now sorry, I'm not 100% conscious right now because of Xanax so if none of this makes sense ,hen I come back to reread this post I wouldn't be surprised

peace, love and happiness, to whoever is reading this, be a force of good in the world, even on a small scale, make a cashier smile, help the old people that can't carry their belongings, lend an ear to those who need one, etcetera

goodnight

[bugdogg]

I will try to keep this organized, I'm a bit messy with my writing so apologies.

Describing Mizuki's personality: Mizuki is a very optimistic and seemingly oblivious person who has people pleasing habits and sorta sucks-up to anyone who they feel a connection with. They're somewhat self aware of their shitty habits and want to fix it but for now its easier to try to act oblivious towards others as they believe others think they're stupid. They have an inferiority complex, they think they're more pathetic and stupid than they actually are and some of their other traits, like their clumsiness, doesn't make them feel any better about it. They're a very happy person nonetheless and are very enthusiastic about anything new that happens in their life. They're a very polite, shy person when talking but when familiar with someone, will express their emotions much more and often talk too fast for their head because of how rarely they do talk to others, words get jumbled.

Zuki Lore stuff lol: Mizuki has spent the majority of their adult (and late teen) life alone, besides an elderly dog they'd once adopted, they regularly went out and got jobs and such but they never got close with others after they ran away from home and felt very isolated. They barely ever scraped by, and it hasn't changed even as a full-time dog walker, but they're very optimistic about things, despite what they've experienced, and enjoy the job and the dogs whom they see as company. (I'll explain why they ran off someday but for now here's where they were right before meeting Karamatsu)

Mizuki was out walking to their next job when they saw Karamatsu in one of his usual shitty outfits, and they got really excited about his outfit. They admired him for it and wanted to go compliment him, but because they're a big scaredy cat, they basically walked around in a big circle trying to work up the courage to do it. Eventually they went up and complimented him, Karamatsu reacted differently than what Zuki expected cause he started talking and wouldn't stfu. Despite not fully understanding what he was saying, they listened to him and eventually they asked him if they could walk and talk. Mizuki enjoyed talking/listening to him and wanted to seize the opportunity to make a friend. Because they haven't casually conversated with another human being in a long time, they just ended up sounded like some obsessed idiot, which Kara was taken aback by and stopped the "cool guy" act for genuine shock. Anyway, Zuki gives Kara their number and asks him to call to hang out again (Zuki doesn't fear stranger btw (idiot has no self preservation)). And they both separate and neither know if the other will see eachother again

Mizuki doesn't get a call but they do start seeing who they think to be Karamatsu everywhere and they start getting confused. Eventually, it leads to the brothers contemplating lying and pretending to be Kara to hang out, which eventually fails when Zuki meets Osomatsu at a park while walking a dog in the evening. Oso explains the whole spiel about the others and sextuplets and the like. Zuki is hesitant of him as he is a lot more rude than the others, but they walk him home anyways for company. Oso is the one to break the silence and get's on Karas ass for not saying anything about his new "friend".

[schwazombie]

wanna preface any sort of talk about anything even tangentially related to healthcare with the disclaimer that of course doing research and talking to professionals is important, but also like. a lot. a LOT. of the "T is so dangerous!!!! it will destroy you from the inside out and you will never be the same!!!!! it will ravage you like the plague and you'll lose your hair and teeth and become a monster!!!!!!!" is like. based on nothing. it's straight up TERF propaganda. There are always changes that will occur in your body when you do hormone therapy, but far and away they're the intended changes. There are lots of things that constitute hormone therapy, too, like you said birth control is one, people who are dealing with thyroid issues go through hormone therapy, there are LOTS of different iterations, it just so happens that the ones that trans your gender are the ones everyone's so fuckin mad about.

like I said, do your research of course, but you're not bad for wanting to go on T, and the gross majority of the scary stuff that gets put out about it is TERFs trying to scare you into staying inside the box they built for everyone.

Hey. Hey. Hey? I appreciate you.

For SURE for sure. Even knowing it's TERF propaganda I still catch myself sometimes fearmongering to myself repeating that shit oh no my body will change and will never be the same Ö but that's... that's true anyway no matter what I do. And I know some things I will have to possibly deal with (e.g., hair loss is a thing on both sides of my family so it wouldn't surprise me in the least), but it's not this huge scary thing that a lot of people (incl. doctors sometimes) make it out to be. Especially because yeah. Fn. Birth control??? And I have friends who have thyroid issues? And there's so much but you are so right people get big mad about the potions of trans your gender (and like... apparently here you have to have a whole fn test done to see which chromosomes you have before you can do hormone therapy but that wasn't needed for getting on the pill like yo????). And they can't even say it's because oh it's an elective thing uwu because so was fucking birth control for me it wasn't like I was taking it to deal with other health issues. It's just. Gah.

But re: research -- I do have a friend (whom I love so much because they are awesom af) who throws me whatever he can think of about their experiences, and I'm lucky enough that my city has a... Transberatungsstelle. I have no clue how to translate that. Kind of like a resource center? All the dictionary entries for Beratungsstelle are wrong (: At any rate they do free anon councilling about trans* issues so I went and talked to them and got a huge stack of information. We've also got a local Queeres Zentrum that has a trans group that meets twice a month which I knew about; what I didn't know about (that I found out about at the TraBS) was that there's also a queer choir in my city and the fn. The fn choir director is a trans man. One of my big fears was that nonsense I keep seeing about oH NO iT'll rUin yOUr vOiCE because I love singing so just knowing that a trans man leads a whole damn choir was like... oh. Oh. Information is my armour and my sword sort of situation

Anyway you are so sweet for sending this and as I said, I appreciate you <3 you are officially added to the list of people who can stay on my sleeper sofa

[seeds-and-sins]

Could I request a fic with homelander & a female reader, whom was brought in as a child to basically be John's "little doll". Perhaps they reinforced her body and made her "durable" so she wouldn't break easily. Also I think it'd be interesting if she had powers like Mantis where she can completely understand and influence emotions (with direct physical contact). And that, that's why Vought created her for John in the first place, so that he "would have something to love and that would love him back". she also has a strong dependence on John cuz she fears abandonment, loneliness, and being betrayed so her way of expressing her feelings to him is by displaying physical contact and constantly letting John know how much she loves "belonging" to only him and how much she loves him, pulling him aside to simply hug him since all she wants is to be "closer to him".

Sadly Earth Scene

Paring: Homelander x F!Reader

Rating: M (WARNING: Abusive relationship!!! And brief mentions of sexual content. Also, Cursing.)

Description: You were a project, never meant to aspire for anything more than servitude. Your whole life depended on him, your whole existence. What would you ever do without him?

Author's Note: Finally! I am crying inside because it took me way too long to get this finished. I wrote it at least three different ways and then I decided to just mesh all those different options into one. I hope it's worth it because I definitely know the asker has been waiting for this. I actually might even pursue a second part, but life is killing me right now. We will see what the tide brings in. Enjoy!!!

Rats, mice, monkeys, cats, dogs, animals of all species, of all shapes and sizes, have been used in the name of science for centuries. Vogelbaum's main studies focused with that of rats and mice, the pharmaceutical industry realizing that those particular animals were most akin to their needs. Monkeys being too loud, sometimes too big, not quite biologically meeting the parameters of what Vogelbaum was attempting to accomplish. Rats and mice, small rodents, reproduced and grew at an efficient rate. Not to mention, they had similar genetic coding to that of humans, making them perfect subjects for the likes of experimental medicines and other projects. It was through rats and mice that Vogelbaum had developed an idea, or rather, a solution.

It was in a recent study that scientists had found that keeping rats and mice in the same pen carried little influence on their growth and reproductive rates. Biologically, nothing changed. Behaviorally, nothing changed. Two different species, perhaps from the same family, were capable of coexisting with one another without any repercussions. To most, the discovery was meager and bore no true necessity. However, Vogelbaum saw the study as an act of brilliance. It fueled his curiosity.

Rats and mice, in the same pen, together.

What would be the results if he were to do such a thing with his more sentient subjects? Rely more on social ecological theory in interdependence of one another: children connect with the parents, then to the home, then they make friends at school, at their local church, with the neighbor across the street.

John killed so many of his caretakers. Not even Vogelbaum's most established scientists were able to enter the cell without fearing for their lives. By the time the boy was ready to be released, he would have no sympathy for humanity, no love in his heart. It wasn't as if Vogelbaum cared all that much. He created John with the intention of him growing up into a strong hero, a living and breathing Superman, his greatest dream coming to fruition. Who cared how he got there?

But, it was Stan Edgar that insisted that he fix the problem. The problem being that John had already killed dozens of innocents and he was only eleven.

Here was Vogelbaum's solution. Here lied the answer.

If theory was anything to go by, all Vogelbaum needed to do was find someone that John couldn't kill. Much easier said than done.

That was where you came in. Subjects were presented to Vogelbaum of varying ages, some had already undergone changes from Compound V. At first, Vogelbaum had his sights set on someone older, someone that could stand in as a parental figure for John where it was needed. But, his interest peaked when he saw you. Orphan, age ten, Compound V injections age two, accelerated healing, empath. The answer was there, right in front of him: the ability to control the emotion's of others, the ability to empathize. You would be a perfect mice to John's rat. All Vogelbaum needed to do was... reinforce you a little bit, make you stronger, sturdier. You had the healing factor, but you needed more if you were going to survive John.

With some of the finest implements of genetic manipulation and some more injections of Compound V, you would be a treasure. For you the pain would be excruciating, but once it passed you would be everything that Vogelbaum ever could have dreamed of.

The final leg of your journey could end up being your last, but Vogelbaum didn't care about the success. If his experiment failed, he would start again. It was all part of the process after all, trial and error.

"Who are you?" Shoved into the twelve by twelve lead cell that housed John, you were clueless, frightened, lost. Was this another horrible test? Another injection of V that would leave you twitching and crying on your metal slab of a bed for days on end.

The boy before you stared blankly, he had never seen someone his age before, someone so small and fragile. He wondered what test this was for him. Did they want him to kill you? Laser through your insides, rip you to shreds, remove your head from your body, break your back? He could do those things.

"W-Who are you?" You asked in a whisper, pressing yourself as far away from him as you could. Vogelbaum's voice cleared over the intercom system, beady eyes monitoring them from the other side of the two way glass.

"John, I would like you to meet (Y/N). (Y/N) is your friend. She will visit once a week. (Y/N) tell John a little bit about yourself." You gulped, glancing nervously between the mirrored glass and the boy called John. You twiddled your thumbs, heartbeat breaking through your chest. "(Y/N) tell John about your powers." The scientist demanded a bit more firmly. You would have sobbed if not for your survival instincts telling you to suck it up and do as you were told. You don't want to get electrocuted, or worse.

“I-I can feel things.”

“Good girl, just like we talked about.” Vogelbaum praised, “Why don’t you two take some time to get acquainted with one another? Be nice, John. Remember, she’s your friend.” Friend? John had heard about the word and had seen pictures of ‘friends’ during his training sessions. The president was a friend, generals were friends, soldiers were friends, police officers, fire fighters, normal people were friends. Friends had become synonymous with someone that John wasn’t supposed to kill. But a true friend wouldn’t lie to John, a true friend wouldn’t try to hurt him. Right?

“You’re my friend?” The young blue eyed, blonde haired boy lifted his chin, standing straight to assert his power over you. You could feel things, what did that mean? 

“I-I don’t know.” You stuttered, curling yourself inward so as to put yourself in a better position for defense. 

“If you’re my friend, why don’t you know?” He stepped closer and you recoiled further, holding your palms up, your breath quickened. You were lying. John didn’t like liars. You lied like those others, the ones that told him they loved him. “Are you a liar?”

“I don’t think so.” You bit your bottom lip, John remained blank and impassive. He held his hand out to you and his lips quirked up in an almost sickly smile. 

“Take my hand. We can be friends.” You vigorously shook your head, tears collecting at the corners of your eyes. 

“I don’t want to.” The intercom screeched abruptly and Vogelbaum’s booming voice returned.

“What did we talk about (Y/N)?” He spat, you squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head. 

“I’m scared.” You cried, turning your head into the cold metal wall.

“Don’t worry...” John chirped, that smile still splitting his boyish face. “I won’t hurt you.” If you were going to lie to him, then he had every right to lie to you. He was convincing, to a young girl that had no one and nothing. He was different than the others: your age, just a boy, no white coats and pointy needles. No one. Nothing. Slowly, albeit hesitantly, you held your hand out. It was the only way you could gage what he was feeling. You could determine if he was a threat from there. 

When your fingers touched his, he was instantly overwhelmed by a whole mess of tingles. He immediately withdrew, jolting away as if he had been stung. His eyes widened, and for the first time he was actually presenting a genuine emotional response. The Doctor took notes. 

“Who are you?!” John shouted, you flinched away, but did not mistake what you had felt. When you touched someone, you felt everything; likewise, they could feel what you did. You could manipulate such emotions to an extent, feelings could be altered to lessen someone’s anger or pain. What you felt in John, wasn’t all that different from what you felt in yourself. You instantly made the connection. John’s reaction on the other hand was-reasonable? You had been born and raised in a pit of Vought’s own creation. As an empath, you had been tested in the art of emotions since the moment you could walk and talk. Your training consisted of constantly being presented subjects. 

What is this person feeling? Can you make them feel like this?...

What if we cut their hand off? Do you feel their pain? Can you make them feel less of that pain?

What if we hurt you? Can you make someone feel what you feel?

You were used to it, your existence having been molded by emotions. But with John, all it took was one touch, and you knew, he was not used to feeling what others felt. He wasn’t short of emotions, but to truly empathize? He had never empathized with anyone. He had been chained down and caged his whole life, experimented on in every way, shape, and form. No one had ever walked into that room, knowing what he felt. And he had never been able to understand how they felt in having the freedom and independence that he never had. 

You sniffled, finally considering the situation that you had been shoved into.

John and you were not so different. In fact, he too was the only other person you had ever met that felt like you did.

“It’s okay.” You straightened yourself, stepping a little closer. You held your hand out again, hoping he would accept it out of curiosity. You did feel that he had intent to hurt you, but you couldn’t blame him after everything he had been through. He felt betrayed, angry, lost, lonely, cold, frightened. He was a brew of everything you felt, and more. Finally, someone’s emotions that were your own. John took your hand, cautiously, but this time his fingers snatched you and his grip tightened like a vice. “STOP!” You screamed, he was on the verge of breaking your hand any second. You poured as much of yourself into the touch as you could, all your pain and all your fear. The results were immediate. John’s entire expression softened, his grip relented. Instead, he held you gently. You winced, knowing your hand would bruise, but surely it would heal in no time at all. 

Then, something astounding happened, the Doctor leaned in closer.

“I’m-I’m Sorry.” John spoke, tentatively, it was his first time ever saying such a thing. Truly. 

Progress. The Doctor thought. And so it was...

“(Y/N)! Jesus Christ! How much trouble is it to get your fucking attention?!” You blinked from your daze, pulling your eyes from the expanse of city below. Your attention darted in John’s direction: he was pacing behind you in a furious step, hair slightly disheveled and violently blue eyes darting about with an unsettling rage. “Did you hear what I fucking said?! Or do you just not give a fuck anymore?!” You shook your head vigorously, immediately jumping to action. The exhaustion from it all was deep in your bones, but your body moved of it’s own accord; some sickening inner instinct, honed after years and years of being at his beck and call. You would do anything for him, and if that meant putting aside your personal needs then you would. That was what you were here for after all. That was why Vought created you: to keep Homelander tame. It was the one job you had been failing at for far too long. No matter how hard you tried, nothing ever seemed to be enough. The only thing that helped you get out of bed everyday was the hope that your efforts weren’t all for naut. 

“No! I always care, you know that!” Your hand rested on his forearm as he paused beside you, fierce glare turned down in your direction. He was unconvinced, so you knew he needed an explanation. “I’m just tired.” You confessed, tone dull and low as your emotions got the best of you. You forced a smile on your lips, hoping that it would lighten the mood. Homelander rolled his eyes before aggressively tugging his arm away and pacing again. 

“Well, go be fucking tired some other time. This is more important!” He began to pace around the table, putting some distance between you both. But even in the gigantic meeting room, everything felt so small and fragile when it was just the two of you. He had the power to make you feel insignificant and, yet, necessary all at the same time. One second he was cracking a joke with you and the next second he was yelling at you over something that annoyed him. Recently, things had been particularly bad for him. With John’s ratings going down, Stan Edgar constantly breathing down his neck, and Stormfront poking a stick at him whenever she had the chance, tensions were high. You had anticipated that John was going to come take it all out on you, his personal punching bag. You simply hadn’t anticipated the scale of his anger when he had called you to the meeting room that morning. It was draining to say the least.

“I’m sorry, John. Keep talking, I’m listening.” The urge to run and hug him was hard to ignore, but you knew it would only serve to make him more irritated. He very rarely ever let you touch him nowadays, and you had long given up trying to convince him that you loved him. The last time the both of you had experienced physical skin on skin contact was probably ten years ago at the least. He used to need you, undoubtedly, coming to you on a daily basis so that you could relieve the overwhelming mass of emotions bubbling in him. There was once a time where he sought you for relaxation and calm. You had once been the constant in his life, his rock to lean on where no one else could withstand his baggage. You had trained for it, had grown up with him, you knew him better than anybody. But, perhaps, it was that revelation that made him begin to push you away; the revelation that you knew him, in ways that no one else did. Instead, these days, he came to you for release of a different sort: mostly for complaining and degrading. There was a constant teeter tottering between him truly seeing you as his friend, but also as his therapist and his property. 

“Oh, you’re listening, now?” He snapped back, lifting a brow at you and scowling. “Suddenly, I’m all that more interesting again?” You visibly softened, shoulders drooping with a harsh exhale. 

“I don’t know what you want from me anymore.” You bit your bottom lip, holding back tears. “I don’t know what to say.” It was the only truth you could muster. There wasn't anything human left and without being allowed to use your powers on him, you could never help.

"Hmm..." His stoic glare penetrated you deep as you waited for some semblance of comfort. God forbid you try to get it from anyone else, he would kill them. He was making his way around and back to you then, within arms reach. "You're so pathetic, do you know that?" He cocked his head, eyes darting up and down your smaller self. You shivered involuntarily at the darkness and the cold that flickered in his eyes. "Would you even know what to do without me?" It didn't take you long to find your answer.

"No."

"That's right..." He confirmed, stepping into your space so he could feign a tender stroke along your cheek. "You need me." You allowed your eyes to flutter shut, his gaze still burning holes into you. As a few minutes of silence passed, his gloved hand painting invisible marks into your skin, you thought about saying it again. I love you. But it would still mean nothing to him. He touched you nowadays like one would touch their pet, and pets were supposed to be obedient. "Now..." His glove squeaked as he clenched his fist and took a step back. Your shoulders flinched when you thought he might lay a blow across your cheek. He knew you could handle it, you would heal fast and he didn't care if you felt pain. The blow never came, he gritted his teeth and turned sharply into his pacing again, fists propped behind his back. "Back to what I was saying, I need you to do something for me." Your eyebrows furrowed, but you swiftly bit the inside of your cheek and hid your confused expression. John never asked anything of you, ever. You mostly were kept around the tower to talk to him. You didn't have a job and your tasks were strictly limited to housekeeping in his penthouse.

"Like what?"

"That's what I was about to fucking explain, if you'd just shut the fuck up." You nodded your head vigorously, twiddling your thumbs out in front of you. One of the tears beat the threshold of your eyelash and began to slide down your cheek, you panicked to wipe it away before he noticed. "Not too long from now, I'll be heading to the set of Dawn of the Seven. Another stupid fucking marketing ploy..." He stopped by the large expanse of window, not far from where you found yourself standing shortly before. "I want you to be there." He clasped his hands firmly behind his back as he nonchalantly spoke those words. You immediately turned your gaze up, your expression clenched in confusion as you considered him.

"Really?" Did you sound far more excited than you should have been? Yes. Homelander never brought you anywhere anymore and it's not like you were allowed to go places you wanted anyways.

"Don't get your hopes up." He rolled his eyes, turning his side to face you and sending you a bored stare. "You'll be working. I want you to find out everything you can about Stormfront. Talk to her, convince her, whatever the fuck you need to do to let me in on her fucking shit. Understood?" You had used your abilities on many others in the past. Vought couldn't deny your importance when faced with a reluctant corporate shareholder or a stubborn politician. However, you had never used your powers on another suoerhero before. You were immediately nervous at the idea. No matter how resilient you were, you were still a fragile soul. What if you messed up? Stormfront was a powerful superhero. She could hurt you. "Is that a problem?"

"I've just..." You gulped anxiously, "I haven't used my powers in at least a year, and what if I mess up?"

"Aww, poor thing." He snickered, "Frankly, I don't give a fuck how you go about doing it. Just fucking do it." Another difference between now and then: Homelander had never sent you out to do something like this. He was usually very protective of you-possessive being the better word for it. "Or, do you not want me to be happy?" You blinked at him. Of course, he always said that to make you budge, to manipulate you into doing what he wanted. And you knew it, and you let it happen. Years ago, when you were both younger, he would tell you: I'm not happy here. I don't know what makes me happy. You'd hold his hand and give him all of the joy you could muster, and then he'd smile. His smiles were far more genuine then. Perhaps it was because he was genuinely feeling happiness.

"I always want you to be happy." You responded, devoid of any emotion and dully spoken.

"Perfect." He grinned, closing in on you to cup your cheeks. "Because if you don't..." He whispered lowly, ducking slightly down till you were face to face. "I will break every bone in your body. And when you heal, I will do it all over again." He pinched your cheek as he shoved past you and vacated the meeting room, knowing full well the effect his threat would have on you in his absence. You dropped your head, thinking about simpler times and missing the Homelander you once knew.

Within the hour, Ashley was dropping by the penthouse to accompany you to the set of Dawn of the Seven. You didn't protest and the whole time she spoke with you, you remained quiet and curled up. She was afraid, you could hear it in her voice. That was what Homelander did to people, he scared them into submission. In their case, they feared him doing his worst: burning them through with his lasor vision, or pulling them limb from limb as they suffered an agonizing slow death. In your case, you feared him discarding you completely, casting you aside, never coming to you again for anything.

"Urgh, isn't this exciting?!" Ashley hollered with feigned excitement, she squeezed your shoulder as you both stood outside of the limo that brought you to the set. "Homelander told me you never leave the tower, so I figure this must be a crazy experience for you. You want a latte, or something?" You faced her finally and shook your head, knowing that she was only appeasing you for the sake of Homelander's approval. You never knew what Homelander called you. There was once a time when he wanted to call you his girlfriend, but Vought refused. Later, Vought then paired him up with Queen Maeve and the two of them seemed to be an item for a while. But, what he called you nowadays, you weren't sure. Part of you didn't even care anymore.

"No, I'm good. Thank you." You reluctantly smiled at her and she returned it.

"Aww, aren't you adorable." She commented, you twiddled your thumbs as she directed her attention briefly to her phone. "I've got to take this, feel free to walk around and help yourself." Ashley strode off in a furious step, lifting the phone to her ear. You inhaled deeply, taking in the expanse of the set out in front. Trailers went on and on for acres and in the distance you could make out a staged destroyed city scape. You decided the quicker you got to completeing your task, the better. You started walking between the trailers, passing employees and sending them friendly waves so as not to come off suspicious. Stormfront wasn't anywhere in sight and neither were any other members of the Seven.

One particular turn and you were being swooped up into a pair of strong and thick arms, your back pressed to something hard and immovable, and it didn't take you more than a second to know who had grabbed you. Gloved fingers pulled up around your throat and a heated breath beat across the nape of your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

"John?" You whispered breathlessly, he had for some reason dragged you into a small gap between two trailers, somewhat shaded from the sun that beat heavily over the entirety of the Vought movie grounds. "What's wrong?"

"Have you talked to Stormfront yet?" You shifted, but immediately corrected yourself when the grip on your throat tightened. Your heart was pumping so fast, Homelander hadn't held this close in ages. You rested your hands on his forearm that belted your waist, squeezing at the muscle there. Without his skin touching yours, there was no stopping him from hurting you here.

"Not, yet."

"I thought so..." He growled in your ear, "You think it's fucking funny to parade around like a whore?"

"W-What?" Oh no, what did you do now? You thought you were doing pretty well, all things considered. "I just got here. I'm trying to find her."

"Why did you smile at Ashley? Hmm? And those other pathetic fucks that are moping around? You don't think I wouldn't notice. They're all looking at you. Is that what you want?" Jealousy. You belonged to him, remember?

"John-" He spun you around and slammed you against the trailer wall. The metal dented from the force of his shove, his hand still gripping harshly at your throat, and you winced. When your eyes finally settled on him, you noticed something that chilled you to the bone. John was looking anywhere and everywhere, anything that wasn't at you, and he was almost frantic in his movements as he leaned his weight from side to side. If you touched his cheek, you might be able to gage what he was feeling, but as far as you could see he was extremely disturbed. "I won't smile at anyone anymore, okay?"

"You-You shouldn't." He sternly chopped back, then finally glaring into your soft gaze. His eyes darted across your features, down your body, and then back to your face. "That's it. You're coming with me." He wrapped his arm around your waist and before you could protest you were being propelled up into the air by at least two hundred feet. You squeaked in surprise, wrapping your arms around his neck as he slowly lowered you back down to the ground. It was somewhere else on the set now and not more than a few feet away you saw an awning. Beneath that very same awning were a handful of members of the Seven, including the one you had been looking for.

Homelander was unceremoniously pushing at your lower back, guiding you toward the awning. Homelander had the wildest and fakest grin on his lips as he pushed you toward Stormfront. A-Train was sitting at one of the chairs, a morose looking Queen Maeve alongside him, upon seeing you they both sent you pity filled grimaces.

"Stormfront," Homelander's chipper voice jarred you from your dazed state and your eyes focused on the leather woman in front of you. "I'd like you to meet one of my best friends, (Y/N)." He nudged you forward, Stormfront smiled at you and your brain instantly saw the comparisons in Homelander all too sweet chesire smile.

"Aww, aren't you a sweetheart. I've seen you around the tower, what do you do?" Homelander's fingers slightly followed the curve of your waist and when you didn't respond quick enough he squeezed there.

"Oh-Um-I help Homelander with all sorts of things-Um-"

"Cool, cool, very cool-"

"Anywho," Homelander interjected, quickly losing all interest in the interaction. He did his part in his mind, he introduced the two of you and hurried your misison along just fine. "I have to go run a few errands and was wondering if you guys could watch her for me." He briefly glanced at A-Train and Maeve, but you knew he was mainly referring to Stormfront.

"Absolutely, we'll get some girl talk started." It was so fake it made your stomach churn, and when Homelander withdrew to go 'run some errands', as he had claimed, you found your fingers instinctively grappling onto his forearm. He glared at you, then snorted awkwardly as he used your own grip to drag you back closer to him.

"What the fuck did we talk about?" He husked in your ear, you stood on your tippy toes, till your lips were near his cheek. You were always so careful not to touch his skin, knowing it would set him off.

"I don't like her." You whimpered, "I don't like any-"

"Do as I fucking say, or else." You hesistantly nodded, allowing him to slip through your fingers as he stormed off. The ground rippled with a small quake as he leapt from the ground and sored into the sky.

"So..." Stormfront began, "You guys have an odd friendship, right?" You slowly faced her, she was plopping a few blueberries into her mouth. There was a darkness in her brown eyes that didn't sit right with you. "I'm just asking because, well, I've heard rumors that you're actually just his fuck toy." A-Train was in the middle of sipping a soda, he choked halfway through a gulp and hunched forward in his seat.

"I remembered I needed to be somewhere." He was a fast mover that A-Train, leaving just as soon as he uttered that last word. Maeve crossed her legs and then ducked her forehead into her palm.

"It's alright," Stormfront stepped into your personal space as she glared at the retreating A-Train. "We don't need his kind here anyways." Your entire face went pale, part of you wanted to ask her to specify what she meant, but another part of you was sickened by the idea of her explaining it.

"Come on. Let's talk." She dragged you to one of seats nearby and plopped next to you. Your soul fled your body as she began a one-sided conversation about the super terrorist threat and her job. Dread filled you as you listened to her go on and on, about things that you were certain Homelander didn't really need to know. The whole time she kept making off-handed comments at you, mostly pertaining to what you did and your relationship with Homelander.

"How does it feel to be the cocksleeve to the world's strongest man? I mean, I don't blame you for it, that's your place." Maeve left at some point, meaning that you were alone with Stormfront. After at least two hours of talking, you decided to take a chance and reach out to touch her. If you made her feel more amenable towards you, you could ask her anything and she'll tell you. That's what Homelander wanted, her secrets, right?

"You've got something on your-"

"Don't even think about it." Her once friendly tone had dissolved into disgust. You slowly returned your hand to your lap, squinting at her in wonder. People who knew where you stood, at Homelander's side, but nobody really knew that you were a supe. "Oh, you didn't think I knew?" She sighed, then spread the length of her arm across the back rest of your chair, she leaned in. "I know everything about you, (Y/N). You're a supe created and tailored solely to be Homelander's little fuck doll." Your lips parted to protest, but no words left them.

You were so tired. So very tired.

"Look, like I said, I'm not judging. That's your place, to keep Homelander in check..." Her gloved finger twisted in your hair. "But..." She emphasized, a tight lipped smile sealing her expression. "I can't help but feel like you've kind of failed, hm? Is that what it feels like, at least?" You stood up from your chair and went to flee. You didn't want any part of this conversation, or where it was going, or- "I could help you." She said cooly, just as your back was turned to her, you froze. Hesitantly, you spun back on your heel to face her. You were desperate. For what? You didn't know.

"H-How?"

"You don't really want this, do you?" She snickered, shaking her head and then dropping her gaze with an almost distant expression. "I mean, Homelander certainly doesn't." You stepped closer, feeling hollow and drained.

"I belong to him, I like to belong to him."

"Oh, please..." She rolled her eyes, "You've got some fucked up form of Stockholm Syndrome. It's been, what? Twenty years in the making. Don't think you're in the wrong for wanting anything else. He doesn't love you, he never has. You were gifted to him by the very same people that threw him in a cell for most of his childhood. Seriously, no wonder he hates you." Your eyes burned with tears, but none came. Your tears were all gone, used up, dried up. "You're tired." Stormfront grasped your shoulders as she came to stand, rubbing them up and down with a soothing grip. "Let someone else take care of him now. Let someone who actually deserves to be at his side, take care of him."

"Y-You?"

"Yes. We'll create a new world together, we're perfect for eachother." She huffed as she gave you a once over. "When was the last time he even touched you, a real touch." Years. Years. Years. Oh, how you missed him so much? She was right, he didn't want you. "Don't you want him to be happy?" You tensed at those words, realizing their engrained purpose in your brain. "Go out in the world. Explore." But what would I do without him? "I'll take care of him. You won't have to worry. This is what's best for him."

"I-" You gently removed her hands from your shoulders with light shoves. "I should get going."

"Yeah, of course..." She smiled brightly, "Think about what I said."

You left the set of Dawn of the Seven through Ashley. She seemed hesitant at first, considering that Homelander hadn't given her the okay, but she could see you were distraught about something so she ordered a limo for you. When you returned to the tower, you immediately went to Homelander's penthouse and you proceeded to drag yourself around. You tried watching TV, eating ice cream, listening to music, nothing was making you feel better. Eventually, after a few hours stuck in your thoughts, you began to pack. You didn't expect that Homelander would return for a while, so that gave you plenty of time to write a note, gather your things, and leave. Would he come after you? Would he kill you? Most importantly, would he miss you?

No.

He didn't care about you. He needed someone better, someone stronger, someone he had chosen.

And you needed to get away, you needed to take a break, you needed to know that Homelander wasn't the only person you could rely on anymore.

Your biggest fear: Would Vought come after you? You had never been out in the world on your own before. Would they find you?

You heard the double doors to the penthouse burst open and your breath caught in your throat. You knew you had spent too much time looking at that picture on the wall. Ya'know, the one of Homelander and you when you were young. His arm was wrpaped around your waist and you were buried into his side and he was smiling, genuinely. If the photo were alive to reveal that moment, when after the massive flash, you turned to kiss his cheek and he turned to kiss your lips. There was never any amount of love that you could pour into those kisses that proved yourself to him, that proved how much you cared for him, that proved how much you loved him. It was never enough.

Homelander entered the bedroom, his teeth grinding together as he looked upon the scene before him.

"What do you think you're doing?" He growled lowly, you plopped down on the edge of the bed; the bed was covered in your folded clothes and your toiletries, a suitcase open at the foot. You couldn't meet his gaze, fiddling with your thumb in your lap. "You didn't do anything I asked of you all day. Why shouldn't I punish you?"

"I'm leaving." His head craned back as if he was stung, his face channeled through a series of expressions before he settled on a stoic glare.

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" He clasped his hand behind his back, cape wisping out behind him as he carried forward. "You need me. You don't know what to do without me. You're pathetic." The same words he always said to you, a broken record of insults and degrading comments that you had come to agree with.

"I know." You sobbed, a burst of courage bubbling up from the intense sadness that coiled your insides. You stood, chin up to face him, and the tears were fresh this time. "But why put yourself through this any longer? Why keep me around? You don't want me, you don't need me. I'm a burden everyday, and you're you." You gestured at him with an aggressive swing of your hand, then turned to start shoveling items messily into your suitcase. "It's not good for me to be around anymore. I only remind you of what we suffered through. I only remind you of Vought's attempts to control you. I don't deserve to be at your side, I-"

"Who told you this?" When he spoke this time his voice was cracked, uncharacteristically soft. You didn't dare look at him, too afraid of what it would do to you.

"I thought of it myself." You stopped, realizing he could probably tell if you were lying to him. You were holding a clump of once folded clothes in your shaky hands. "John..." You placed everything down and then finally faced him, your feet shuffling at the navy blue carpet. His eyes were glistening, as if he was about to cry any moment and it threw you for a loop. "I-" You shakily reached out to grab his forearm, eyes focused on the way his muscles twitched under your touch before you looked up at him. "I love you so much. More than you have ever known. But, I'm tired. I'm so tired. You deserve someone better, someone you chose."

"I-I'll-" His eyebrows furrowed in a split second of rage. "I'll find you. You'll never be able to hide from me-"

"Why? Why bother?" You forced a comforting smile on your lips to sooth him, although you were the one that needed soothing. "You know I-"

"I don't know what I'd do without you." He husked out, struggling to utter those into the space that parted you both. You stood there, absolutely gobsmacked, unable to peel your fingers from his arm as your body froze completely.

"W-What?"

"I do need you." He admitted, albeit with some reluctance. You watched as a tear trailed down his cheek. You wanted to hug him so badly, you want to touch his flesh and tell him everything was going to be alright. You wanted to make him better again. "So, stay. I'll do better." You lowered your head, chin pressing to your chest.

"I want to believe you." You whispered and luckily his super hearing could pick up on the faintest of sounds, because the words were barely voiced from the pit of your throat. You spun away from him, toes curling into the carpet, you continued packing. "It's been years, John. Years since I've touched you, years since you've needed me. I've only ever wanted to be closer to you."

You made him feel human, he wanted to say. You made him feel whole, he wanted to say. You made him love, he wanted to say.

But he was Homelander, the strongest man on the entire face of the earth, superior to all, and long ago, he had learned that having you so close made him weaker. Having you around made him human.

At the same time, watching you leave killed him. He didn't know what it was like to die, but this must had been as close as he would ever get to it.

"I can't let you leave."

"Then, kill me, I guess." You released another choked sob and his heart wrung at the sound. You closed the suitcase shut, after shoving in the last of your things. The sound of the zipper rolling on the track, pulling around the case and sealing it shut, it made him wheeze with desperation.

It was the unknown. The unknown of not seeing your face everytime he entered his penthouse. The unknown of having to live without talking to you, sharing light conversations and the occasional jokes he cracked that were in reality quite morbid and unsettling. You wouldn't be around when he needed you. You wouldn't belong to him anymore. You dropped the suitcase to the ground, deciding that any sort of goodbye would not suffice. You slipped on your flipflops and as you were leaving the room...

"Touch me." You gasped, pausing in the doorway. You could hear sifting out behind you and it was Homelander, removing his gloves. "Please."

You faced him, relishing in this moment, but anxious that it might be too good to be true. Should you give in? Or should you proceed to leave? Homelander had never laid himself so bare before you, John had never given you this much in far too long. He sniffled, tossing the gloves on the bed and holding his hands out to you. "Please. Touch me." You relinquished all of your power to him.

You held your hands out the same and as you were within reach, your fingers interlocked an entire explosion of feelings, overwhelming and strong, came through. You looked up into his eyes and began to cry and so did he. Why would he put himself through this? Why would he suffer, when you were there the whole time?

"Oh, John." You cried for him, jumping up into his arms and pressing your lips to his in a chaste kiss. His entire body wracked with a harsh sob and his arms wrapped around you to hold you closer. You would not break the connection, cupping his cheeks and holding your forehead to his. "I wish you had come to me sooner, my poor boy." Your thumbs wiped away as many tears as you could catch, but there were so many. You hadn't seen him cry like this in ages.

"More." He breathed, "I need more of you." He whimpered, tugging at your clothes, you nodded your head vigorously.

You were so tired.

But you would give yourself to him.

[ak319]

Unveil

(Gp actress x fem reader)

(Scene # 03)

(your name is Fairoz in the story)

Unveil part 1 Unveil part 2

Fairoz's eyes lingered on the fabrics that were laid out on her bed. The fabrics which were sent as a gift by the Dagons. Not only that but the jewelery as as well. Her aunt , Dilay excitedly displaying the gifts to Fairoz while her ramble about how 'the dresses ould be designed' , 'how beautiful, expensive and refined this embroidery looks' and 'which dress would Fairoz wear on what occasion' remained constant to her neices's ears.

It had been a week since Fairoz had accepted Aman's proposal, but not initially. Yes, the girl had rejected Aman. She just couldn't imagine such a life nor had any interest in marriage, especially if it was with Aman. It would seem unfair to Aman as well. Nevertheless Aman was persistent.

'We can get engaged only.'

'Don't do this to me...'

Words like that which Aman said to her in their second meeting. It was quite embarrassing and almost made Fairoz feel guilty but she reminded herself that it was her choice , why should she feel bad. It's not Aman's life , it's mine. She is not the main character here , I am.

1 week ago

Her pillar of strength after her parents death was her uncle , Usama. How he brought her up , supported her , just like her own father would have done. So when she heard him pleading as if his life dependant on it on the phone with whom she presumed was Aman's father , her walls weakened as well. Her uncle was in a turmoil . The man known for his charisma and outstanding works , was broken .

"Report them, papa. Tell the police. They have no right to--

"Dove, you have no idea, what they can do."

"But even if I accept the proposal, how the hell would I spend my life with her knowing her family threatened you! This isn't right. Ugh! This is making me soo ---" Fairoz slapped her uncle's study table which was followed by a bleak silence.

"How were you even working with such horrendous people, baba?."

Usama sighed and sat on the couch. "I--because I focused on the work, Fairoz. Working with her was bound to happen one day. I never thought that this day would come where she would be asking for---" he paused and gulped "It's my fault, I shouldn't have brought you with me to the set that day." Fairoz leaned off the table and scurried to her uncle's side.

"No, no, don't blame yourself. I wanted to see it remember? And who could ever imagine what is going to happen next---isn't this what we call life. We face tests, fears, predicaments and happiness. These things make up the whole experience of what we call life. Now, putting aside the worry, let's think about a solution." Usama smiled and gently patted the girl's left cheek. She was always so level-headed and strong-willed. His brother would be so happy----if only he was here, maybe he would have protected his daughter better. 'I failed at it....so bad.'

"Looking at the pros, well, Aman really likes you. She would keep you happy....probably. She has left the industry and has a stable life. And cons--" Usama breathed in a sigh "Do I have to explain? Their wealth is their power. I am like any other parent, deeming Aman as untrustworthy to be your life partner. She is stubborn, hot-headed, and--I don't know. " Usama put his head in his hands. All of this was giving him a headache. How can the safety of Fairoz be guaranteed? She was his daughter. He and Dilay were unable to have children and Fairoz fulfilled their dream. No! He has to remain strong for her.

"Papa--I don't think there is any solution for them to leave us alone except that I accept it---right?" They both stared at each other. Usama was trying to convince himself that no there has to be a way other than this.

"If your job is at stake then I wouldn't jeopardize it. You and Mama did so much for me, you both don't deserve it. And I assure you, I would be fine, absolutely fine. She would have no power over me, I won't let her." Her tone was filled with so much conviction and ...reprisal that Usama was speechless. He couldn't even reply before she spoke "You can call and say yes to Aman for me. Now, take a good night's rest and forget all about this. Imagine this never happened and be happy that your daughter is getting married." Giggling she kissed his forehead and left the room. Usama, with his heart full of regret, anger, guilt, and dejection, did what had to be done.

Present time

"I mean yeah, I know---but that is not what I wanted. Wait, hold up. I'll call you later. And you better have a solution when I call you again." After whispering the last part Aman hung up the phone, her eyes stuck to the figure which they were dying to see. It was as if a sudden wave of coolness and placidity had spread over all the nerves and each and every cell in her body. She was in white kameez and trousers, with minimal makeup and accessories. A bag lazily hung on her shoulder which indicated she was coming from her college. Her beautiful and absolutely breathtaking soon-to-be-wife elegantly stood by the door. Her expression is devoid of feelings, the feelings which were felt by Aman at that moment. But that's okay. One day those feelings will be reflected back.

'She will be happy seeing me. She will be happier when she starts her life with me. Her shyness is almost gone, and sadness will be over too. After all, she has no idea how lucky she is yet.'

"Fairoz, always so good to see you." By now Aman hadn't even noticed that instead of inviting Fairoz in , she had walked up to her, near the door. She took the chance to close the door whose handle Fairoz was holding casually and took a deep breath, inhaling her fairy's scent. "So--umm what brings you here? , love. Did you come by yourself? You could have called me---I would have picked you or sent the driver--you

"My uncle also has a driver," Fairoz stated the obvious. Aman scoffed in her mind 'Oh yeah, her uncle exists too.'

"Anyway, come have a seat." Instead of the table, Aman led her to the couch and immediately dialled her PA's number to order some refreshments.

"When I told them I wanted to meet you, they didn't question me. Do they already know?." Fairoz referred to the employees.

"Yeah, of course. I told them the very day, I got the good news." Fairoz nearly gagged at the appearance of red hue on Aman's ears and cheeks. Too much bashfulness for someone who belongs to a family of blackmailers.

"Were you missing me love? I did. I miss you every day, every second. Can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you here."

"Well , this is going to be normal , I guess , me coming here---everyday." It was as if Aman's ecstasy reached a new high. Really?! Her wife would do that?!

"I am going to work here so might as well get to know the map and people, right? That is why I came here since I was free from college early today." Fairoz plastered her most gentle smile. Meanwhile, Aman blinked in confusion. Work here? Oh....

"Yeah , yeah of course. I would give you a tour."

"Not only the tour, though. You would take my interview and hire me as well. " Fairoz reached into her bag and took out a file. "See, I brought my CV. " Which contained all the digital work as well as some internships Fairoz had done up til now, not to forget extracurricular activities relating to business in her college. "But this is for later--first the tour. I can't wait further. Please."

God , this girl. Where did this demanding behaviour come from though? Was she teasing? Or serious. She looks serious. And cute and....

"Umm--damn. Isn't someone too excited? Isn't it early though? Like interview can be done after marriage."

"Yeah, it can but you know I don't trust anyone so easily. " She put her hand on the side of her face as if she was telling Aman a secret "Also--what if you don't hire me after marriage. People change you know."

Well---that was the plan but this girl---how can Aman say no? Her doe eyes are not made for tears.

'I can't be a villain right now. She already knows about the threats--of course she does--she hasn't discussed them with me which is very odd but if I say no to her---she will hate me more. I don't want my wife to hate me. Dammit , why did father had to do such a vile thing. I would have convinced her through my gifts and charm but no , he has to ruin everything!.'

"Of course , love. As you wish. And you will work here , totally your call. Come on , let's go." Aman took her on a tour and also to her dismay she had to make Fairoz meet other people. She hated every moment when her wife smiled and giggled with someone.

'That is meant for me!'

after that they came back to Aman's office, had some snacks, and in between that, Aman read her CV. She was indeed impressed with her girl. Such a hardworking pookie.

"So , Ms. Fairoz , what is your weakness. Sorry I had to ask this. HAHA!."

"Mhm. Well, weakness can make you stronger if you know how to overcome it, but what good would it do me if I revealed my weakness. Because to oneself weakness is their power but the moment someone else gets to know of it---they use it against you. So I refuse to answer such a stupid question."

"....."

Oh God. Control yourself and your thoughts Aman.

'Fuck, that was hot.'

Clearing her throat , Aman smirked. "Very well , love--

"Uh uh. Ms. Fairoz at the moment , not love. Ma'am."

'Okay, it's okay. Think of something else. God, ma'am. That word just did wonders to my senses. Am I going to be hearing this every day? Fuck, yes. Say it again, baby.'

"Hello?? Ma'am Aman. I think I should go now. You should work too." And before Aman could get out of her daze and stand up to stop her , or say something at least , Fairoz leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Have a good day at work. Bye."

"......bye..." What is happening? No, no. Wait, her eyes traveled to the contract on the table that Fairoz had just signed. An offer letter.

'What---no that was not I imagined. Why did I do it?! Oh my God. But how could I have said no? Maybe it is good...I mean...what? , I was fucking enjoying every second of it. But still ARGH! That means she won't be a housewife instead she would meet other people. That is disgusting. People are shitheads. No, no. Whatever, I will take care of this later. Let's get back to work right now.'

As a matter of fact. no. After marriage, Fairoz continued to work here and for Aman, it was as if it was a crime to say no to her wife well in some things Fairoz let her have some say. But Aman's lovestruck dumb brain didn't know it was just so Fairoz could let her feel some power and fuel her ego. To give her a sense of authority and shatter it in the next.

For example , fine Aman lets Fairoz go to meet her uncle but that is because Fairoz lets Aman choose the dress after all Fairoz asks in her best sweet voice.

Making Aman invest in her uncle's project, it's okay if Aman does not want to do it. Just go sleep in the guest room then and forget about even interacting with Fairoz because you are going to get ignored for weeks.

Fairoz cooks Aman's favorite dish on the condition that she makes her father apologize to Usama for his harsh words. Pretty lucrative deal for Aman if you ask me. I mean your soulmate's happiness in exchange for such petty requests? Bring them on!

But Aman still doesn't let go of her dark side too. If someone dares to bring a minute disturbance in her wife's life even if she is not aware of it, they get to face Aman. Prepare to get your whole life destroyed. For instance, after it was confirmed that she was married to the niece/daughter of Usama. Yes, people somehow found it out. What else do you expect from no-lifers? There was a mixed reaction. Thankfully there were almost near to zero information about Fairoz online, Usama did a great job at protecting his family's privacy, but still, people had their way of doing things. I mean who can escape from cameras in this age?. Anyway, some limits were crossed and so Aman had to cross some too. Nobody gets to spread goss or even get the right to comment anything near to bad about her wife. You are getting sued, baby. The plus point is that Fairoz doesn't even know about it because she developed a phobia of searching for herself or Aman's on the internet. After all, in her heart she knew she would stumble upon something distasteful so it better to avoid it in the first place, so her mind was in a good place---except for the fact she was now living with Aman. Albeit doing a good job at cooling Aman's controlling nature she was still amazed at her ability to be stubborn at times.

"Come on--baby , please. I would do anything."

"No. I am only 27."

"So? What does---isn't that like a reason to-

"Aman you are talking about a baby, not a go-kart." Aman cuddled Fairoz before she could get up from the couch. "Nah, I am not letting you run away, darling." Her voice made Farioz's whole chest vibrate.

"You are acting like one yourself , I don't think we need another one."

"Noooo----well this baby of yours will raise chaos if you don't give it another friend." Aman pouted and started to pepper kisses on her wife's face.

"Aman--Stop it!"

"I know---I hate babies--but of course, I have to have one. What about my bloodline? I promise to be a good parent. Babyyy---." She whined making Fairoz push her away aggressively.

" Is that supposed to make me feel better? What are the chances of you not hating your own?"

"..........50 , okay how about ..50.85 percent."

"......"

"AMAN!" The couple got startled by none other than Mr. Dogan.

"What utter shame have you brought on our family! Begging your wife? THAT TOO FOR A CHILD? Why do you even need her permission?? I might have not said this before but you really tarnished your ancestors and my name today. Your grandfather would have had a heart attack if he witnessed this now!." The couple stared at him silently. Fairoz spared a single glance at Aman which made the latter shiver more than her father's words, and then left the room stomping.

"SEE! Look how she behaves! And look at you! WOW! Sitting like she didn't just disrespect me just now!."

Aman had enough.

"FATHER! First of all this is a private matter and do I look like I give a damn about what grandfather would have thought?! This is not the 90's! Also---don't ever say anything about my wife like that. You ruined her mood."

'And now I will suffer . She won't feed me with her hands anymore. Life is soo not fair!.'

"I was so close to convincing her! You always ruin my plans! Leave us alone for once! Fizzy! My love!!." And just like that Aman sprinted upstairs leaving her father flabbergasted. What has she become? A woman of power acting like a dog.

'I should have never sided with her on this marriage.'

(AN: Lmao💀, love the turn this story took. Originally started as a dark fic and ended up being a crack and tbh loved writing it. Couldn't have thought of a better ending. Aman's ego really downsized, lol. Yanderes getting reversed uno is what I live to see👍)

[silver-heller]

*Yeets my hc's of my au Orchid Jewelries.*

I am obsessed with the idea of Sookie being a kind-hearted sister towards Charlotte, and also scenarios of Sookie and Lawrence meeting Clarence and their reactions.:

While I know that Charlotte is distant from others (Lawrence and Maire, I wouldn't be surprised about Wick.) Yet my brain did not feel reluctant upon throwing it under my face lol.

Imagine Sookie, despite knowing how much of a spoiled personality Charlotte is, still continues treating her well and invites her to her house and having a chat over relaxing tea and sweets. She even offers to comfort Charlotte whenever she feels she has a bad day or whatsoever. (Sookie being the mother hen she is.)

Like I know Charlotte is jealous of Sookie having a family. However Sookie on the other hand has an opposite reaction to this, like perhaps she could teach Charlotte about good values, how to be kind to others, or how to have humility and handle rejection. While she knows she can't force Charlotte about it, at least she has a reason why she's doing this to her. It'll take a long time for Charlotte to build up trust and maybe develop as a person.

She wants Charlotte to not end up like her when it comes to dating someone, or per say having a boyfriend. Sookie fears Charlotte wouldn't handle being treated miserably like Sookie was when was formerly married, thus Sookie divorced her husband due to finding out he slept with another woman at night.

(Another reason why Sookie lives separately with her daughter.)

Hence I can totally see Sookie not approving Clarence dating Charlotte because she's not sure if Clarence would treat Charlotte alright or rather be loyal to her and not cheat her with another woman. Imagine Sookie giving Charlotte a pep talk like “Listen, I am happy that you date someone… But I don't want to sound like Mother, however please try to talk to your boyfriend about it? Please?”

Off topic but if Lawrence meets Clarence (I dunno if Charlotte is official with Clarence) then he absolutely disapproves of him dating Charlotte. Lawrence gets strict and overprotective when it comes to his siblings dating someone, depending on the person. 

Lawrence is an uptight law-abiding man like Wick but far more harsh, when finding out Clarence owns a distillery he absolutely does not allow Charlotte to be with Clarence at all. Even if the two attempted meeting up privately, that did not stop Lawrence finding ways to get rid of Clarence. (Charlotte would 100% wouldn't like how Lawrence is now treating Clarence.)

Lawrence literally holds more power than Clarence and I do mean he can have the power to yeet Clarence to jail if he tried hurting Charlotte or one of his siblings. No matter how much evidence Clarence tried to hide or fabricate it with lies it won't be successful at all, so I can imagine he is trying his best not to shake underneath his shoes whenever Lawrence is glaring at him.

Clarence: I am dating your sister, so I am soon going to be your 'brother-in-law'. 

Lawrence: Moreso you're going to be 'no-longer-my-brother-in-law'. *Holds a bunch of files of evidence, and handcuffs he got from who knows.*

Edit: I had fun writing this btw, I didn't included Maire to this cause she pretty much doesn't care about whoever Charlotte is dating.

Okay have a good day/Night!

I mean, if parts of the family reached out to Charlotte, I doubt Charlotte would turn them down (outside of maybe Wick) just to be polite. I do admire Sookie's efforts, but when it comes to Charlotte I think she needs a stronger motivation. In the main fic, this comes in the form of Silver and Silver's ex husband, Silver never bending to Charlotte's BS, and Valentin, whom Charlotte almost cheated with, being revealed to have cheated and tried to "run away" with many other women in the past, only to abandon them. Nearly becoming one of those women really woke Charlotte up, I would say. Though after the fact I imagine she'd understand what Sookie was trying to do previously and be grateful to her.

I don't think Clarence is a cheater. I do think, in a very annoying way, he is very dedicated to Charlotte when she's still petty and wants a leg up on others. Making the couple, I really wanted them to be that annoying couple who, therefore, always shows off to people and always has the other's back, even when the other is being nasty. Not to say Clarence is good, of course, considering he is homophobic and encourages Charlotte to be terrible, but I do think he's dedicated to Charlotte either way.

I am not sure Lawrence's actions would help the situation either, as it'd just make Charlotte feel more like it's "Clarence and her against the world". Plus, with the variety of people Clarence knows, I think it'd be difficult to keep him in jail, and, even if Lawrence managed it, I doubt Clarence would be treated poorly there. If anything, whenever Clarence gets out, Lawrence would just encourage Charlotte to do what she thought she was doing with Valentin and run away/disappear with Clarence. It's an interesting dilemma indeed.

Though, in the main fic, Charlotte does come around, I am not yet certain who she dates at that point. That being said, I think she works on her internalized biphobia and ends up dating another woman. Probably law-abiding for the most part.

Thank you for sharing, I adore the family dynamics we have going on here.

[puff-mmd]

Prince of Hell #5

08/06/22

OLD

basically he took them because despite appearances, the priest was obsessed with the nun (their names are daniel and mary, its just what i've been calling them and its stuck). daniel's obsession is borderline.. creepy in ways (takes her laundry and returns it himself - you can guess what he does with it - he's watched her sleep, has tried to get close to her in different ways). she doesn't know about some of the things he's done, and what she does know about (often helping her out around the church, taking her on outings when she wants) she finds endearing (if she did know, she wouldn't feel the way she does about him) orobas meets them by pretending to be an injured person whom they take in. its during his 'recovery' that he finds out all these things daniel is doing. when he finally kidnaps them, he forces daniel to confess to mary all the things he's done. mary is already freaked out by the fact that a demon has taken them to hell, but then hearing that the person she had come to love had done some messed up things, she's nearly at a breaking point.

but she realizes the only way she can see getting out of this is just swallowing her fear and playing along.

she pretends that what daniel has done doesn't faze her, and when the three of them are together, she puts on airs that she doesn't care anymore and that she is okay with being with them.

the problem is that orobas can tell she's faking.

when the two of them are alone, she's much more hostile towards him. she hates him for taking her and daniel away, for making daniel confess (she would rather have been kept in the dark about what he was doing), and the worst part - forcing her to watch as daniel ends up lusting after orobas.

i feel like in the human world, daniel never had any opportunities to explore his own feelings and desires (what with being a priest and it being around the 15-1600's, probably not very well accepted), and after being 'forced' to do things with orobas, he finds that he doesn't need much coaxing to do them. (he truly did and still does love mary though, but he doesn't understand how what he's doing is upsetting her). in all honesty, because of her acting, daniel believes mary is happy being in this twisted relationship.

orobas also ends up threatening her to keep playing along - really, only because he enjoys seeing her in anguish later.

there's more to everything, i was thinking up scenes earlier too, but in the end mary ends up not being able to take the torture anymore and kills herself. she figures she's already been damned, she might as well get out of this hell and look for the next (since suicide is forbidden in christianity due the damnation thing)

daniel is absolutely devastated by this, mostly because he feels guilt over having never noticed that she was so torn apart inside. soon after he follows in mary's footsteps and kills himself to join her.

after this, orobas doesn't go back to the human world for a while, at this point he has never had his pets kill themselves before, and while fucking around with them was fun, this ending wasn't exactly what he'd planned and it kinda of freaked him out a bit.

he learned something about humans from them - not everyone's breaking point leads to the same outcomes.

[choshasan]

I like Tumblr, Tumblr is safe <3

I really wish more of my friends had Tumblr & Pinterest...

They're the only 2 still worthy social media that exist.. espetially Tumblr...

IG's been feeling so toxic lately, espetially with it's new Meta AI update, it's gross..

I wanna be off of there as much as possible, but all my frienss are on there,

And I personally hate how political IG & tiktok are, as selfish or escapist as it is,

I'm on social media to forget how shitty my IRL life is, not be reminded how fucked the world is, and it's not fucking normal that I feel guilty about having that opinion because I know it would be controvertial over on IG to say I don't want to hear about what's going on in the world and just want my silly art and silly little anime content, that's okay to be feeling, I should think "I'm so wrong for thinking something peoeple, I will never meet in my life and who have no idea who I am behind this screen and whom I wouldn't give the fucking light of day if I met them irl because they arem't the kinds of people I want to hang out with irl, would disagree with" but social media has instilled such fucking fear in me to say the wrong thing, to share the wrong post, to speak of the wrong people, to share anything about anyone because "what if they become problematic someday", such fucking fear of being cancelled, or even doxxed, it's fucking disgusting.

And along with being an artist, also comes the fear of

Will people say it's fake/traced/stolen??

Will people say mean things??

Will I get enough likes??

Is this good enough to post??

Will this get stolen??

Will this be used for AI??

Etc.. etc.. etc..

Social media's just done really horrible things to my mental health & general life, and I want to be as far away from it as possible, as often as possible. Which is what I love of tumblr. I don't feel I should be scared or like I'm gonna get attacked at all times on tumblr, I'm not scared to speak my mind or anything, tumblr feels safe. I get what I want to see, and that's that. I don't even have to see people's pists who have differing opinions than mine, that's how insanely amazing tumbr is!! If I want to debate with someone one day, there are places on tumblr I can do that, if I just want chill anime content and memes, I can easily find just that!!

Anyway, I spaced out like halfway through this and I don't feel like proof reading it so, enjoy the potential mess that is 🙃✨️

[ksander-ss]

What's it like being sad, totally lost and optimistic at the same time? Thoughts and hopes, life, dreams and fears

I wonder if it's just me, or are there other people who have never had a serious long-term relationship?

I think there are definitely such people, but, for some reason, I have not met them.

I once wrote in my diary that my main dream in life is to meet love.

And I really, really want this.

I... over time, I seem to lose faith that out there somewhere is my person.

That they would love me with all their soul and with all their heart. Just like that.

Just because I am me.

Of course, I crave that with all my soul.

My heart breaks every time I think about it.

Because with every rejection, with every unrequited feelings, with every bad attitude towards me, I really lose hope that I will meet a decent person.

And after all, I foolishly began to believe that until I achieve something myself, until I start living separately, until I find a job, I will not be worthy of being someone's girlfriend...

I understand that this is not the case. That love should not be based on human achievements. But I can't help but think about it.

Now is exactly the time when I need to look for something that I want to do in my life. And a job that will bring me money.

But I can't.

I'm afraid. I really am scared.

I'm afraid that if I don't find a job as soon as possible after uni-graduation, my parents will be disappointed in me. That they will tell me about the fact that it is not necessary to work in an interesting field for me. That if I want to grow up, then I need to work. Try everything. That they wouldn't understand me.

And that I won't understand myself.

How do I find something that I really want to do?

And how do you find the strength to start?

To even talk to people?

To not be afraid.

I don't know.

I have no idea what I'm going to do.

And I feel so lonely.

I have a loving family, friends, acquaintances.

But there is no one with whom I can really discuss everything...

Why do I feel so lonely if I have people around?

And why am I always afraid that I don't have people who would choose me in a room full of people?

That I'm not the first choice for anyone...

I don't know what to do with all these feelings and thoughts, except to write here.

Even reading another fanfiction about Dramione (i mean, come on, what a great thing to be sad about), I was upset again that I didn't have such a deep connection with anyone.

That in my life, there is no friendship and no love like in books or movies.

Of course, i try be patient and optimistic. I really like living my life.

But sometimes, i cannot help these moments. They just happen.

I guess i just need to live through this, and find something i like.

It's all worth the wait.

Right now, i really enjoy my everyday yoga-routine. I quite like taking care of myself really.

There's something aesthetically beautiful in putting time and energy to my well-being and appearance.

I know, my thoughts are kinda chaotic, but hey, welcome to the life of 22 year old girl, who just loves her multifandom self, and tries to be as happy as she can🙌