#Why Fixed Signs Read First Impressions the Fastest

[delightningfield]

Why Fixed Signs Read First Impressions the Fastest

&

HOW Fixed Signs May Take First Impressions Seriously

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These are my astrological observations from hearing perspectives brought up by friends. Some have been expanded on a little more from my own perspective of these placements, and some from response of people with these placements in my personal life. TLDR; these are speculative observations.

Known Observation: Fixed signs are stabilizers. They are the four elements that bond the start and end of the elemental seasons, they are the four signs that evaluate the past (cardinal energy) to create an opening for any transitional work (mutable energy).

Speculation: Fixed energy is grounded, is consistent, is powerful, and is balanced. The four houses these signs represent all require an individual and collective mindset.

The attachment to the past is why I'm making this observation:

If Taurus and 2H represents material values, Taurus takes a read of someone's first impression in their value systems; whether its material values or moral values, Taurus and Venus (celestial ruler) will be the first to note your perspective on life and living and will apply this to their perception of you. Earth signs are very understanding of the varying weights of the human condition on every person they come across.

If Leo and 5H represents childhood, Leos read first impressions with their inner child looking for another friend at the playground to play/connect with on a spiritual level. The Sun (celestial ruler) is the heat of life, Fire is an element of pure energy, and therefore attracts all energies; Even if you haven't directly interacted with each other, the Leo is observing how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and will allow you to orbit into their life accordingly.

If Scorpio and 8H represents transformation and change, you will find that the place of observation will occur in changes of behavior. We all know that we show different faces around other people and personalities, and Scorpios take this degree of change to consideration. Do your political or moral views change by the energy of the room? What is the notable difference in the lie you told today versus yesterday? Will you defend yourself or others in situations of stress? Water signs are the best to know exactly how never ending and deep one's emotional layers can go. Pluto (celestial ruler) knows no morals or boundaries, and Mars (traditional celestial ruler) embodies the chaotic energy that water will always be; something that fills and reshapes to any container or space. Scorpios make notice of these shifting energies in order to understand you on a level that melts the internal and external appearance.

If Aquarius and 11H represents community, society, and global consciousness, then Aquariuses will look for your chosen forms of communication when you talk about yourself and (or versus) the world. Air signs are notable for their ability to consistently remain at the pace of their own flow in all forms of energy shifts. Therefore the perception of communication is real and complex for Aquariuses; one's ability to communicate on their own true emotional, physical, and spiritual behalf already places them at a spiritual level that is not consistent with humanity at large. Therefore lies hold a certain weight, and there is a chance that they're focusing on how to perceive you through your falsified truth. While Saturn (traditional celestial ruler) requires the original type of existence, to be connected with yourself and your world, Uranus (celestial ruler) knows that in order to be your true inner and global self, a disconnection for self reflection to the see where your own words (and actions) play out in the communal world of thoughts is equally as important. Aquariuses take note of things you say because to them, speaking embodies your being into motion based on how vital communication (to yourself and to others) plays a role in Air energy.

Oh ? do all of these work together and represent several ways we hold onto first impressions? interesting :p im still trying to see if this observation applies to all 4 signs and in which particular celestial body does it manifest the most?

ive gotten feed back from two leo suns, one scorpio moon, and one scorpio rising. i might make a follow up post with someone with taurus and aquarius placements in their big 3.

if not let me know, but actually let me know in reblogs or dm chats because im literally just going to keep posting astrological observations on this tumblr as 2021 continues :)

[strawberriestyles]

Chapter 1

(Banner made by sweet sunshine @harry-nofookingway-styles​)

Harry X OFC (AU)

Sequel to Brutality: In which Melody and Harry must relearn how to navigate one another among a flurry of changes.

Read the prologue here.

Author’s note: YAYAY HERE WE GO IT ONLY TOOK ME HALF MY LIFETIME TO GET ENOUGH CHAPTERS STACKED UP!!! Please let me know what you think, and reblog!!!

The weather had warmed almost back to its usual summer temperatures. Melody felt like it was a sign. Harry was improving. Every day, even every minute, he was gaining something back. Just days ago he had cleared his throat and whispered something that Melody hadn’t been able to make out. It was a start.

She ran her thumb along the petal of a lily on the windowsill. Bea had sent them with her the day before. A sort of apology to Harry, she supposed, for her lack of kindness. But Bea hadn’t felt that it was appropriate for her to visit Harry, not yet. Not after the way she’d treated him since they met. And Melody couldn’t wait for them to right those wrongs, to see each other in the same light that she saw them.

“It’s beautiful out today,” Melody said as she turned toward Harry. “I wish it would stay.” She settled into her chair and wrapped her hand around Harry’s. “Do you want me to read?”

Harry squeezed a ‘yes' into her fingers, so she curled her legs up beneath her and pulled the book she’d been reading aloud from the table beside her. She’d started over the day after Harry had woken up, because despite what she’d wanted to believe, he hadn’t been able to hear her reading to him while he was unconscious. Or if he did hear her, he couldn’t remember it.

Melody flipped to her bookmarked page and licked her lips to begin the new chapter.

“Yeh changed your hair.”

Her arms jerked the book from her hands. It fell to the floor in front of her chair, cover bent back, as she sat forward again. Her eyes searched Harry’s face and settled on the sharp curve of his pleased smile. “You’re talking? You just talked.”

“I like it.”

Melody shook her head. Bea had dyed her hair for her, and had even re-dyed it since that first time. A shade darker than strawberry blonde, almost red, coppery.

“The first thing you wanna talk about is my hair?” she asked. Her voice was gentle. She didn’t really care what he wanted to talk about, she was just grateful that he was speaking at all. Even if it sounded like his vocal cords had spent years collecting dust in some abandoned attic. Like the air was being dragged over rough gravel.

“Well, it looks good.”

Melody pressed her palms to her face and took a shuddering breath. Harry’s face fell.

“Are yeh cryin’?”

Melody shook her head again and folded her hands in her lap. She let out a weak laugh. “No, I’m not crying. I could.” She stared at his curious face, now open and expectant like a child’s.

“Oh, God,” she muttered as realization dawned, finally climbing to her feet. “I need to get Dr. Florin.”

“No, she knows,” Harry said.

Melody paused, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“They’ve had some fancy speech doctor in here whenever yeh’re gone.”

She dropped back down into her chair and scratched at the cotton of Harry’s bedsheets. The only type of rehabilitation she had seen was the physician who came in once a day to test Harry’s movements, help him stretch out his limbs, begin rebuilding his weakened muscles. But they had been doing that stretching even when he wasn’t awake. It was nothing new to her.

“I don’t know whether I’m upset that no one informed me or if I’m just glad that you can talk back to me, now.”

“Can finally tell yeh to fuck off, right?”

Melody whipped her head upward, but Harry’s eyes were dancing, his lips twitching.

“That was a joke, Mel.”

She felt all of the muscles in her body coil and then relax. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed hearing her name on his lips, especially the shortened version.

“Mentioned your hair ‘cause it was the first thing I noticed,” Harry continued when she didn’t seem like she was amused by his attempt at a joke. “Have yeh also been…workin’ out?”

Melody did laugh at this. And to Harry’s horror, she also let out a stuttered sob. Tears dripped down her cheeks. She wiped at them quickly.

“Why’re yeh doin’ that?” he asked frantically. "What did I say?”

“No, no,” Melody rushed. “I just—” She slipped her fingers into her hair and rubbed at her overwhelmed head. “It’s been a while. For me. You’ve missed a lot. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Harry had taken the news of his coma surprisingly well. And he seemed to have no trouble believing that Colton had caused it. He didn’t even seem fazed when he heard that Colton still hadn’t been found, even seen. It was the time gap that seemed to cause him some trouble. Melody had watched the pulse on his monitor spike when he’d learned that nearly five months had passed. Five months. And Melody had yet to fill him in on what had happened in the meantime. Now that he could ask questions, she supposed it was time for those conversations.

Harry blinked lazily and then turned his eyes away from her. “Far as I knew, I went to sleep that Tuesday yeh saw me after trainin' and woke up here the next mornin’.”

“Jesus Christ,” Melody muttered. “Harry I could tell you I’m sorry a billion times over but I—”

“I don’ wanna talk about that. Let’s just say I forgave yeh, okay? Since Sean told me yeh basically moved in here.”

“Wait, did he know you were talking?”

“Yeah.”

“That dick.”

Harry chuckled, that deep rumble in his chest, and Melody thought she might cry again, so she worked herself through deep breaths.

“Yeh didn’ answer my question,” Harry said, perhaps to distract her. He didn’t want any more of the crying. He’d seen enough tears in the past couple of weeks, even if she tried to hide them, to blink them back. “Yeh’ve been workin’ out?”

“Yes,” Melody answered with a thin smile. “I can’t really see the difference.”

“There’s a difference,” Harry assured her. “Yeh look good.”

Melody felt herself blush like she was back in high school, like she hadn’t been in a relationship with Harry, like he hadn’t seen her completely naked on countless occasions. She pressed her fingers back to her heated cheeks. She wished that she could say the same about him, but Harry had grown thinner, paler. And even months of uninterrupted sleep couldn’t help how tired he looked. The skin around his eyes was sunken and bruised.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “You keep complimenting me.”

Harry chewed at his lower lip. He didn’t tell her that it was because he felt bad for her, like he’d put her through the ringer. She wouldn’t appreciate his pity. In fact, it didn’t even make sense in his own mind. He was the one who’d been shot in the head. By someone he shared blood with, at that. He’d missed five months of his own life and of hers. But he kept thinking about if the roles had been reversed, if Melody had been the one in this bed, if he was the one sitting there waiting for her to wake up. It didn’t matter what kind of arguments they'd had, the idea was still painful. And he didn’t want that thought running through his head. So he was trying to alleviate some of the trouble she’d probably been going through, to sop up some of the pain and fear that seemed to have spilled.

“Can yeh show me your workouts, then? What is it? Hot yoga?”

“Shut up,” Melody laughed.

“No, ‘m serious. I’d love to see that. Probably have to strip down to just your—”

“Harry, shut up!” she shouted, leaning forward to clap a hand over his mouth. It was amazing to her, how quickly they could just fall back into step. Five months of worrying whether she’d ever get the chance to fix things between them, and it all seemed like a thing of the past in a single day.

“Yeh know,” Harry said as she peeled her hand away, “just started talkin’ to yeh today and yeh’re already tellin’ me to shut up. Tha’s not a good sign.”

“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t trying to be cheeky.”

Harry let his eyes fall closed as Melody’s fingers brushed back hair from his forehead. Her touch was gentle and he felt her skim the shell of his ear, the side of his head where his hair was shorter than the rest, where they’d shaved it down to the scalp five months earlier so Dr. Florin could assess the damage the bullet had caused and try to patch it up as best she could. He wondered how terrible the scars there looked, if they were hideous or impressive. He hadn’t been able to get himself to look in a mirror.

“Thought yeh liked when I’m cheeky."

“Oh, thank God.” Melody and Harry both turned their heads toward the open door when they heard Vanessa’s voice. “I’ve been blowing up like a balloon about to pop not telling you, Melody.”

“Are you joking?” Melody demanded, sitting back. "Did everyone know? Why are we keeping me out of the loop?”

“Doc thought it’d be better if you didn’t have to watch him struggle with his speech. And that was the skill that she thought he’d recover fastest, so surprise!”

“I hate surprises,” Melody muttered.

“Well, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Vanessa continued as though nothing had happened. “It’s that time again, Harry.”

He hummed, not pleasantly, Melody noticed. Vanessa didn’t seem to care whether he was annoyed or not. She went about her business all the same, checking his vitals, asking him innocent questions about how he was feeling. He replied only in grunts and short words.

“You know, Doc also said Melody might be able to take you for a walk out in the garden if you’re feeling up for it today. It’s very nice out.”

Harry perked up almost immediately. His entire demeanor toward Vanessa shifted. It was visible in his face, in the way that his fingers curled at his sides.

“Okay.” She chuckled and finished scribbling stats onto the clipboard she held. “Well, your vitals are good, too. I’ll get a chair and a couple of nurses in here.”

Vanessa didn’t notice as she left the room with a smile of her own, but Melody watched the way that Harry seemed to deflate. He stared blankly across the room, his lips set stonily. He had been out of bed a few times, had even tried standing with assistance, but no one could keep him on his feet for long. She knew how much it frustrated him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently. “Did you change your mind?”

“No.” Harry shook his head. Melody waited for him to speak again but he didn’t, and she didn’t press. Everything about this felt eerily familiar.

They waited for the nurses to bring Harry a wheelchair, him patiently and her not so much. She’d wanted to get him outdoors for days, had been begging Dr. Florin. She thought it would do him some good and she was grateful for the opportunity that the nice weather and Harry’s surprisingly good condition had provided. Anything that might lift his mood and make his recovery less dismal.

The nurses arrived. Stocky, broad men. Despite the physical withering that had eaten away at him, Harry still had a good amount of muscle. It just needed to get used to constant movement again. But he wasn’t light and Melody couldn’t move him, no matter how much working out she’d been doing.

The men waited while Melody slid a pair of stretchy hospital pants onto Harry’s limp legs. He didn’t want these strangers touching him. In fact, he didn’t seem to like many of the medical workers very much at all. Not even Dr. Florin. He did like his physical therapist, though—a short but fit man who reminded Melody a lot of Sean in the way he spoke and joked.

Melody waited then while the nurses unhooked Harry from his monitor and scooped him out of the bed, one on each side, arms under his thighs and around his back. They lowered him slowly into the wheelchair that they'd brought, arranging his legs for him, and then they left the room.

Melody watched Harry’s eyes avoid her throughout the entirety of the process. She didn’t mention it. She could only guess how he felt, having to be moved around and carried. She hoped that when he wanted to discuss it, if he wanted to discuss it, she wouldn’t need to pry. Maybe this new dynamic that they were discovering would make opening up easier for him. She hoped for the best.

Melody kicked the chair’s lock out of place and wheeled Harry straight out into the hall without another word.

***

Outside in the garden, it was even nicer than Melody had expected from looking out the window. She and Harry had walked around in circles for almost a half hour before he’d asked her to stop.

“Just wanna sit in the sun,” he’d said.

Now they were just sitting. Melody, actually, was sprawled out on the grass before him, her eyes closed against the light. Harry was watching her, the way her hair shone differently than it did when it was blonde, with an almost pinkish hue. Even her eyebrows were this new shade. He noticed a scar at the edge of her left brow where no hair was growing. He didn’t think he’d ever seen it before, but he wasn’t sure if it was just a glitch in his memory. Everything was so different and strange. He didn’t ask her about the scar. He just let her lay there and relax, even if he couldn’t. Watching her relax calmed him.

“Are you staring at me?” Melody asked. She cracked an eye open, fanning her fingers out over the dewy grass beneath her.

Another wheelchair rolled past them. It was a middle-aged woman pushing a younger child who might’ve been about eight years old. The boy was hooked up to an oxygen tank and he was hairless and pale, and Harry had never wanted to be somewhere else so badly in his entire life.

“When do I get the fuck outta here?” he asked when the boy was out of hearing range.

Melody pushed herself up into a sitting position and tilted her head at him. She took a deep breath. The air smelled sweetly of the flowers that had survived the city’s brutal and dry August. The summer was Melody’s favorite time of the year and she was disappointed that Harry had missed so much of it—all of it, really. It would be seven or eight months until the weather started to warm again, now that fall was beginning to arrive.

“It’s probably gonna be a couple more weeks.” Melody lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the afternoon sunlight. "They just wanna make sure you’re really okay. And I’m sure they’re gonna start working you back on your feet pretty soon, okay?”

“This shit sucks.”

Melody let out a breathy laugh and rose onto her knees in front of him, nodding. “That’s why I thought you’d like being out here.”

Harry glanced around again. He would have liked it a whole lot better if he could have walked himself around the winding paths instead of having Melody pushing him around. It was beautiful, though. All of the bushes were well pruned and the flowers were arranged into bright beds of color. He wanted to be laying in the grass with Melody.

“Are you hungry?” she asked him. “We could go back in and get some food from the cafeteria. It’ll be like a date.”

“A date?” he asked. “In a hospital? Tha’s a bit of a downgrade from an art exhibit, yeah?”

“The food’s better,” she said, and when she leaned forward to kiss him, Harry was caught too off-guard to do anything but sit there. But he felt the familiarity of her lips and smelled her perfume, a scent that he had memorized long ago, and it finally felt like there was something that he could hold onto from before everything that he was missing.

He blinked at her when she rose to her feet. She blinked back and mumbled a quiet “sorry” before rounding his chair to lead him inside. They didn’t talk about the kiss or what it might mean while they ate stir-fry and chocolate cake together, and Melody left with just a quick squeeze of Harry’s hand late that evening.

Chapter 2

[pandawritesmanythings]

(Loki x Reader Medieval AU)

Chapter Summary: After meeting with Frigga, you decide it's time to take matters into your own hands. Turns out a certain someone had the same idea.

Warnings: None, I think!

Word Count: 2,845k

A/N: This was actually two chapters, but I thought that a longer update was better than two shorter ones... Let me know what you thought!

Masterlist

-

Thor approached you after dinner. He was wearing his armor and had asked you for the first dance. You weren't sure if that was allowed, but if he was asking - and he was a prince - you had no reason to refuse.

He guided you towards the dancing couples, and despite his armor and his hulking size, he was still a very skilled dancer.

"I must apologize, m'lady."

"What for?" You asked, confused.

"For blowing up like that earlier." He referred to this morning when you had delivered the news.

"Ah. You must not worry about that. I was quite upset when I received the news."

You glided across the ballroom for a few beats before he spoke again. Not that you were drawing a comparison, but it was honestly a lot easier to dance with Loki. You couldn't imagine what dancing the more lively dances must be with Thor. Loki seemed much lighter on his feet, graceful like a cunning cat, and he seemed to guide you while at the same time give you leeway. With Thor, it felt a little more practiced, a bit stiffer. 

"Has my brother spoken to you yet?"

Alright. Why this all of a sudden? 

"I can't say he has."

"He mentioned he had something to speak of, with you."

So he did want to talk with you. Well, you were waiting. "He must have been busy. We do have a wedding to plan. If he wishes to do so, I must believe that he will talk to me soon."

"Ah. Yes. Your wedding. Please don't be too harsh on him. He's been through a lot in the past year."

"Has he now?"

"I mean. It's not my place to tell. But he wasn't really thrilled about the arrangement."

You shrugged, "That's understandable."

"But... This is different. My brother has changed a lot during the past year. And his brooding has only increased for the past few months." 

Honestly, hearing Thor saying that his brother was brooding was probably the best thing you had ever heard. You almost wanted to laugh. But you didn't. "Well, I hope that whenever he comes to talk to me, I can help him with his- What did you call it? Brooding?" You smirked at the tall blonde man.

He boomed a laugh, attracting a couple of stares in the process. "I did say that, didn't I? Oh please forgive me. I hope you can, though." He said earnestly.

"I hope so too."

The simple dancing ended shortly afterward, and as you bowed, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. Finding Loki standing behind you may have surprised you, but you did your best to hide it.

"Your majesty," You curtsied.

"May I have this next dance?" He asked politely.

You turned to Thor as if to ask him to excuse you. He just beamed at you and signaled you to follow the dark prince. With a final goodbye, he took his leave. Silently, you took your position and placed a hand over his shoulder, holding his free hand, as the other snaked at your waist.

The music soft music began, and you proceeded to glide once more through the ballroom.

"I must say, I hadn't expected you to approach me tonight."

"I had thought that the oaf I have for a brother might have told you about my intentions."

You quickly gazed away before answering, "He may have, that does not mean that I expected you to approach me to dance."

"Ah, but I thought this was our ultimate place to communicate."

You teasingly pretended to think deeply. "No, I thought that would be our walks among nature."

You wanted to make him laugh. For some reason, it felt good when you did. But since he didn't you sighed and looked deep into his eyes.

"Look, I spoke with your mother-"

"How insightful of you." He looked... Unimpressed.

"I do not care for your approval." You said, "However, I have come to be quite fond of the queen. So I have decided to apologize."

Oh yeah. That took him by surprise. To the untrained eye, it may have not been apparent. But you had spent years under Doctor's Strange tutelage learning the art of micro expressions, and at that moment you saw the surprise in Loki Odinson's face.

"Why you?"

Why are you apologizing? Is what you thought he was trying to say.

You tilted your head. This conversation wasn't one you had gone through your head countless times. You didn't have any comment prepared, no word planned, no speech stored in your mind. You just wanted this to work. You wanted his trust. That was all. And for that, you needed to be yourself.

"Because, despite what you might believe of me, prince Loki Odinson. I still care about everything that is happening around me. And that includes you." Loki and you continued to dance for a little more.

"Won't you say something? Please-." "Not here." He interrupted you and his gaze floated momentarily to your right.

You dared to take a disguised glance and you found a couple of onlookers suddenly looking as if they totally weren't just trying to listen in to your conversation.

Oh, the game is on. "Perfect couple." You replied with confidence in your voice.

At least he wanted to try and fix things.

-

You had agreed to meet up with Loki after breakfast. The library was the place, and you made sure to sneak a treat from the bakery on your way there.

"Is your dog following you?" Was the first thing he said to you, not even looking up from his book.

"Please, do refrain from calling my captain of the guard a dog." You answered unamused.

"So he is here." That was a statement.

"Well, it would be against my father's and my country's interests if he wasn't."

You sat by his side and he snapped the book on his hands closed, preventing you from even taking a peek.

"Something scandalous on the pages you read?"

"Why would you ask such a thing?"

"No one closes something faster than the person who knows they are doing something that is out of their limits."

"And you speak from experience, princess?" He leaned in closer.

You place a hand between his face and yours, making him move away from your personal space. "Don't all things we say come from experience?"

You bit into the small chocolatey treat. Absolutely delightful. Cocoa might be best cultivated in Midgard, but Asgardians were masters of the craft.

Loki hummed in response to your words and sank into his seat.

"So you wanted to talk?" You asked after downing your treat.

"Hmm."

You waited for him to begin and after a beat of silence, you shrugged in confusion. "Well...?"

"They call me silver-tongued, but also a snake. Were you sufficiently gullible to believe those descriptions?"

"Silver tongue? That you are. A snake? Hard to say. But when one knows nothing of their future husband, it is hard not to listen to what the wolves spit out."

He wasn't looking at you, but you saw the ghost of a grin in his face.

"My mother has spoken to you, hasn't she?" You nodded. "She was sensible to do so."

"You believe that she turned me to your cause." You raised an eyebrow.

"I believe that she has laid out a path for a mutual understanding."

You nodded solemnly. "I think you understand that my doubts on you are not unfounded?"

"Of course," he agreed. "You would be unwise not to heed them." There was some sort of spark in his eyes that made you shiver. He was incorrigible.

"In that case, I only wish you to know that everything I have said is true."

He was silent, considering your words for a moment. His hand was resting on his chin, eyes examining your face. Searching.

"Why be honest with me?"

Looking into his eyes was interesting. It was sort of like when you saw Bucky's eyes for the first time after you had retrieved him from the grasp of the Jotuns. Some sort of sharpness to them, yet clouded with something that went deeper than the superficial understanding you had of him.

"As I said, I want you to trust me. I believe communication is the fastest way to trust." You honestly told him. "Although I must admit I didn't want the whole, "she's in love with another man" issue to arise." You chuckled.

He looked amused, which made you weirdly proud.

A silence settled between you. You both wanted this to work. You wanted this trust. Because spending the rest of your life with someone that at the very least you didn't trust was a miserable way to live. But you both were scared. Not really sure of what... Just... Just scared.

"I won't apologize for what I said." He finally broke the silence.

"In that case, neither will I." You agreed.

There was something akin to surprise in his eyes. What, did he expect you to beg for his forgiveness? For the poor, sad, prince's ego?

"However, our cards are all on the table." You leaned forward. "I want us to be friends, Loki. I want us to be allies. I want to trust you. But I have to know if you want this too."

He seemed to consider his options. Not like he had many. And any resemblance of peace and support he could have, he would take it. Is not like your company was unbearable. You were smart and capable to care for yourself. And although he would never admit it, he was really impressed by how you had flipped his perceptions of you in less than a day.

He had seen you and only thought he saw a sheltered and perfect little princess with no backbone. Especially after seeing you just smile and wave politely all day.

But when you held your own during the signing of the alliance... He had to admit that was impressive, and your conversation at the end of the night, he had never had such an exchange with anyone.

Would he mind your company? No. In fact. In a bad situation, you seemed like the lesser of any evils that life could have thrown at him.

You were, definitely, no Sigyn, but if the love of his life was happy and secure, he would endure anything for her. And it's not like you were making it hard for him.

If anything, you had welcomed him, despite his reputation, with open arms.

"I must say that it wouldn't be... The most unbearable of ordeals." He began. "If you are willing to work alongside me, I am also willing."

You let out a breath of relief. "Good. It would have been a real disappointment if you hadn't." Your tone was teasing, so he smiled at that.

"Oh, I would hate to keep disappointing you, princess."

You chuckled at that and stared into his green eyes. "So... what now?"

He looked pensive for a moment before answering. "Well, we say that we trust in each other because we know some compromising secrets that we trust the other won't reveal or use against us. But if you allow me I would like to make a suggestion."

"Go ahead."

"So far you've made for interesting conversation. I'll give you that. But I wonder how far your knowledge of Asgard extends." He smirked.

Oh, how funny. "I must admit that it is not all that vast."

"Hmm."

He got up and walked up to one of the shelves, a long finger helping him scan the volumes of books on it. When he found what he was looking for he retrieved a copy and handed it to you.

"What is this?" You asked looking at the leather cover of the book. Intricate markings and symbols carved into the cover. It alone was a work of art. The carving of a young woman holding flowers right in the center. There was something about her expression that made her look sad, or empty and you wondered what the book was about.

Never judge a book by its cover. Yeah, that was true, but if the outside was any indicative, this was at the very least an intriguing read.

"Prose Of The Desolates."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Cherie."

A quick chuckle left his throat before he proceeded to explain. "Written by one of our great. Snotra. I wonder what your opinion on her writing will be."

"What, are you suggesting we begin our very own and private book club?"

He scoffed at that. "Please, book clubs are for the aficionado. Fans. This would be..." He looked for a way to turn it. "Our own little wits battle."

You were surprised. "Huh, you consider me worthy of trying to battle the silver-tongued prince Loki?"

"You have outwitted me, the only thing I have left to lose is my pride."

Okay, he was charming. You had to give him that.

"Do I hold any power over you? Because I believe it would be very embarrassing if word of this were to get out. A mere Midgardian eluding the sly dark prince of Asgard?"

"That is why, if I win, you don't get to tell anyone."

"And if I do?"

"I chose my prize, you choose yours."

You thought about it for a second. If you bet in what you were thinking and you lost... You were simply at his mercy then. It was not something that you were quite happy to do, but you had to have a fighting chance.

"If I do... We become friends."

He seemed surprised. He definitely wasn't expecting that, and a slight twitch in his expression told you that.

"Sounds fair?" You extended your hand.

He hummed. "It does." He took yours and shook it.

His hand was firm if a little cold. You could feel the callousness of it, probably from years of training and battling.

You yourself were unaware of his surprise that when he held your hand, he had expected to feel the soft hand of a princess. Instead, he felt a hand that was as rough as Sif's. If not rougher. He had held your hand while dancing, but he realized then that you had been wearing gloves. Now that he held your naked hand, he felt the struggle that you had to have been through in your hardened skin.

Not that he cared.

You retreated your hand once more and held the leather-covered book to your chest.

"So, when shall we reconvene?" You asked, playful.

He breathed in, trying to suppress his racing thoughts. "Well, I am afraid that my father will have me preoccupied for the rest of the day."

"Then, what of tomorrow after breakfast?" You asked, hopeful. As much as you hated to admit it talking to him was surprisingly not as difficult as you thought it would be.

"Sounds good. I believe you must have gone through at least three chapters. We shall discuss them then."

"Only three? You continue to disappoint me, Odinson."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, it's not for me, I've read through this book in less than a day. I am making this concession for you."

"You wound me thinking I could only read three mere chapters in a whole day."

"With your courtly duties, and your lapdog following you around, I would believe you have time for not much else." He teased while standing up to leave.

"You underestimate my power, sir."

An amused laugh left his lips. You had never seen him smile like that. You were ashamed to say that... you might find it enjoyable.

You had always adored making people laugh but... This? Sort of like Steve, you wanted to see him smile like that, all the time. It looked good on him.

"I shall bid you farewell." He took your hand in his, delicately, as if your hand may break in under his touch, and gave it a gentle kiss. You felt strange. You hadn't actually felt his lips on your skin before, it made you really fidgety.

"I'll see you tomorrow." You said, feeling heat creep up your cheeks.

"I'll see you then."

He left the room immediately after. Seeing him leave was a contradictory feeling. On one hand, you were happy that you had gotten a good start to read more Asgardian literature. On the other... His company and talk with you filled you with excitement. You were never quite sure of what he was going to say or do next. Something you never really felt with Steve.

You could always count on him doing the right thing, but Loki? He might not. And that excited you.

And scared you at the same time.

Anyway. You had no time. You wanted to read as much as you could, so you knocked your shoes off, curled up with a cushion between your legs and your chest, and opened the first page to begin your reading.

-

TAG LIST:

@chxrryycola​ - @midnightmystic​  - @deathkat657​ - @thatonefangirl111​

[thepineapplejuicer]

Imagine...Being one of the renown professional race car drivers and convincing Loki to take a spin with you

Tony taps along with his phone screen, irritating Loki with the bubble noises it makes. “Must you have the sound so loud?” Loki asks, baffled at Tony’s ignorance. “Woah, Woah, boyo, don’t talk to your babysitter like that.” Tony scowls. Loki’s face goes red with anger as he mumbles under his breath, “I do not need a nanny.” 

Due to most of the Avengers being posted on missions Tony offered to take Loki around on his errands. “I do not see why I could not stay in the tower, I have been a prisoner there for over six months now.”

“Yeah, your little stunt with nearly overloading all of my suit drive cores and blowing up the tower has resulted in that privilege being revoked. Obviously, you cannot be left alone.”

Loki looks out the tinted window of the sleek sports car, still surprised that Tony hardly drives himself anywhere. The driver never spoke a word, only ‘Yes, Sir’ or ‘No, Sir’. 

“Well, we got your haircut, your dry cleaning, spent at least two hours having you try on tuxes and not buying a single one, so pray tell, where are we off to now?”

“I have to see one of my drivers to sign some sponsor paperwork.”

“Why would you sponsor one of your drivers?” 

Tony looks confused, then remembers Loki’s inexperience with Midgardian activities, “Different kind of driver, you’ll see.”

After zigzagging along the highways Tony leads Loki to the entrance of a race car stadium. There was no race today so the place was only filled with scattered track workers and racers perfecting their techniques. 

Loki looked at everything like it was the strangest thing he saw. He always hated getting into the death coffins Midgardians call a ‘car’ and these people go into it willingly? 

Once walking along the side of the track Loki spots a young beautiful figure, speaking to a team in green matching uniforms with STARK written on the back. “So this is what you do all day?” Tony teases getting closer to the driver. Once they turn around Loki is taken back by the amount of black grease on their face and in their hair. Yet, they still look undeniably attractive. Loki scans them quietly until his heart races at the sound of their voice.

“Well, if you gave me the funds on time to fix this crap box, then I could spend a lot more time practicing.” the gorgeous creature smiles, fist-bumping Tony. 

“Like you need it. I saw your last race. You might’ve killed the damn engine, but you won and that is what I like to see.”

“We’re Starks, when we get a spark, we make our mark.” 

Tony’s eyes light up, “OH! I like that!” he dials his phone quickly, “Piper, yes sweetheart, I have a great idea for company T-shirts.”

Piper’s voice garbles from the phone and tony covers the speaker, “This is Loki, keep him company while I go sign the papers.” He whispers, “We are Starks when we get a spark, we make our mark! Good right?!” 

Tony walks away, leaving Loki to walk closer to this grease stained racer. “Well, since Tony isn’t much for manners I guess I should introduce myself, I’m Y/N, race car driver and all around Greece monkey.” (s)t(he)y gestures at the mess on her racer uniform. 

Loki only looks at Y/N sternly, skeptical of this meeting. 

“You’re Loki right?” Y/N smiles, “huh, thought you’d be more intimidating.”

Loki raises a brow, “yes, unfortunately, my nanny doesn’t let me where my horns out during the day.”

He earns a sweet, snorty laugh from Y/N, making him chuckle himself. 

“What exactly is the goal here?” Loki asks, watching the cars zoom past them.

“The fastest and best driver wins.”

“LIke horse racing.”

“Yeah, just with a lot of metal that can crush you if you turn the wheel the wrong way.” A spare practice car is driven up to them. Loki’s Adam apple bobs as he swallows harshly, intimidated by the thought of being trapped in one of them.

Y/N sees his discomfort, “I was scared at first too when I was young. You wanna try it out?” 

“I think not.” Loki scoffs, folding his arms.

“Wow.” Y/N sighs disappointed, “And here I thought the mighty Loki God of misdemeanors, who came down to rule us had a little more balls in his purse.”

Loki clenches his jaw, “For the record, it is God of mischief.” 

Loki quickly snatches the helmet offered by Y/N and mumbles a prayer before entering the vehicle. “More cramped than I originally thought.” He says, the static of the radio in his helmet blending with his voice. 

“Think everything is close now? Just wait ‘till we bring this baby up, you’ll be going to second base with that headrest.” Y/N laughs, driving onto the track. 

The engine rumbles as the speedometer dial shoots to the end, sending Loki to grip anything he can, not realizing his hand latched onto Y/N’s thigh. 

After a few laps and caping the car’s speed, Loki’s demeanor shifts into a wild devilish smile, “Yeahhh! Now I see the appeal! Can we go any faster.”

The radio just releases Y/N’s laugh, “You ask a good driver, they’ll tell you no way in hell. Lucky for you, I’m a hundred times better than good.” 

Y/N shifts the car into another gear, boosting the race car and sending Loki’s head to press the headrest leather. “WOOO!” He yells.

“Does get rather tedious though, round and round, over and over again.” 

“Well, it is a nice change to have an attractive passenger with me for once, better view.”

Loki’s hands shoot a bright green spark out the crack of the window, “Let us see you in a more challenging setting then.”

An enormous portal opens in the middle of the track, not giving Y/N enough time to hit the breaks. The car enters the next dimension, lined in darkness. The headlights blare into the dense obstacles, hopelessly trying to breach at least two feet in front of them.

“AH!” Y/N yells, dodging overgrown jungle leaves, thick tree trunks, and exotic man-eating animals that scratch at the paint of the zooming car. 

The road gets bumpier, but thanks to Y/N’s determination and natural skill of driving, they are able to reach a large clearing of wild grass. The car swerves to the side as Y/N comes to a halt. 

Y/N and Loki exit the car, not bothering to shut the doors. “Where did you take us?” Y/N asks, looking at multi-colored lights dancing across the night sky. A yellow and a red moon rotate gently on opposite sides of the planet, with craters you could almost touch. 

“I come here when I want to get away,” Loki admits, hopping on top of the hood of the car. Y/N follow and rubs inconspicuously against Loki’s shoulder. 

“You are impressive, Y/N.” Loki smiles, letting his hand fall in the small space between them. 

“You’re great for noticing.” 

“I think your attitude is already my favorite part about you.”

“Oh yeah, so what is your least favorite part?”

“Having to eventually say goodbye.” Loki’s voice turns soft and he feels Y/N’s fingers start to tangle in his.

“I guess we better enjoy this until Tony realizes we are gone.”

Y/N and Loki keep their kisses, their comfort, joy, and touches in this place where the moons touch the earth, the grass never wilts and the romance never spoils. 

-thank you for reading and your support. :)

[teampandawang]

SEVENTEEN Reaction: confessing to you

HIP HOP TEAM | VOCAL TEAM | PERFORMANCE TEAM 

By: Aria

Genre: Fluff

WOOZI

You couldn’t believe how lucky you were having the job of your dreams, chasing everything one day you asked for. And your determined outlook kept you focused on those goals making you obtain them. You were working at Pledis as a singer for a year now and your life became better, even more with the blooming relationship you had wit one of your co-workers.

Jihoon was your producer and working with him was, certainly, your favorite part of being there. You knew him before you entered the company because you stanned his group and found him really cute. But when you started working with him you figured out why the members teased him about his temper.

Yes, he seemed to be a bogeyman at the beginning. You never saw his smile when you got started. But when the time passed by he started treating you better, even being funny about your gestures while singing. He loved teasing you about what you do while recording a new song. He also attended your MV’s recordings to ‘support you’.

And you were not regretting having a friend like him.

But some days you noticed his look on you changed. It got warmer like he felt something undiscovered when he saw you. You caught his glance a couple times and he just responded at you with a shy smile trying to hide his face turning his back to you and scratching his neck.

“Jihoon, what are you thinking about?” You asked someday starting your new album when you caught his mind out of the room. He was acting really thoughtful, like he turned when he was thinking about writing a new song.

“Nothing. I’m just…” He hesitated leaving a sigh. “I’m just distracted.”

“So, something might be surrounding your mind.” You asked curiously.

“It’s not something…” He looked at you trying to prompt you to guess. “It’s...someone.” He pondered.

“OMG! I CAN´T BELIEVE IT” You shouted excitedly about the new in his life. “Lee Jihoon is in love. That’s neeeew!”

“Y/N, calm down.” He smacked his forehead. “I think it could be better if I didn’t tell you. Anyways, I have to go. See you tomorrow at…”

“4 p.m.” You answered quickly as he walked out of the studio, leaving you confused about his sudden leave.

Next day you were kinda bored so you decided to go to the studio earlier knowing that Jihoon would be there, ‘cause that was his cave, practically. You walked quickly as soon as you get to the building. And when you were about to step on Jihoon’s studio you stopped at the sound of his harmonious voice singing a song, a love song, that you never heard before.

When you got in you saw him practicing something, basically whispering while talking to himself. You caught up something he was saying and you realized he was practicing his confession to the unknown significant other he was hiding.

“Y/N, You’re the one. It may sound weird ‘cause I’m not that kind of romantic guy, but I felt for you.” He said while turning to face you and getting shocked at your presence. “W- What? You were supposed to be here at 4.” He said embarrassed.

“But, I’m here…” You said dying of cuteness at his confession. “And I think that you’re not the only one who has those feelings.” You let out timidly sliding the tip of your foot on the floor.

JEONGHAN

Your day was running as usual. Your boss yelling at you during your shift, your co-worker being the asshole he always behaves like and your clients being incredibly impatient. It was driving you crazy, getting you out of your mind. Tired you decided to take some air, walking to the backyard and ‘throwing the trash’.

As soon as you stepped outside of the cafe your phone rang. You instantly withdrew it off your apron pocket. You looked for the contact ID and felt how your heart jumped against your chest. You tried to catch your threatened breath before talking to him, your sunshine. The only one that was able to fix your mood.

“Jeonghanie, how are you?” You said hiding your displeasure.

“I'm fine. Are you good, Y/N? ” He said identifying the suspicious tone of your voice. “I feel you strange.” He trembled due to your attitude.

He knew you pretty good, enough to find out you weren't feeling good. It was impressive for you how someone could go through you and discover all the enigmas your inner being could keep.

“It's just my work. Things are getting worse day by day and you know… I feel kinda tired.” You explained while walking towards the trash containers and resting your back on it.

“I got an idea.” Jeonghan muttered. “You can quit. It's the only thing that will relieve you.” He added enthusiastically as nothing will happen.

“But, Hanie. I have lots of bills to pay.” You passed your fingers across your hair desperate. “I can’t find another job to save enough money for paying my apartment.”

“You’re so stubborn, babe.” He emphasized on the last word giving you shivers. “I would help you with that. We'll search together and if it's necessary you can move to my dorm ‘til we figure out something.”

First of all, your best friend whom you had a crush on was calling you ‘babe’ for the first time. And second, he was basically asking you to move with him. God dam! The slowest run for it, but the fastest…

“I'm picking you right now there. And I hope that when I see you your apron will be taken off.” He said making you came back to reality and hanging out.

You ran to the cafe and looked for your boss who mysteriously wasn't yelling at everyone that passed by his glance. You bursted into his office encouraged but were stopped at the sight of your friend talking politely to him.

“Oh, Y/N.” Jeonghan greeted cordially without leaving his sit. “I was talking with Mr. Wen, teaching him how a knight has to treat people.” He stood up and pecked your cheek painting it red of embarrassment.

“Mr. Wen I wanted to talk to you.” You opened your mouth to keep when you got shocked at the feeling of Jeonghan’s hand tangling his fingers with yours.

“I already told him everything. My girlfriend can't be used like that.” He smirked looking at your eyes and training you outside the office, outside the cafe, to the street where his car was parked.

“Your girlfriend?” You said surprised and excited.

“Yes… Uhm.” He whispered scratching his nape. “I wanted to ask you in a fancier way, but the situation needed some pressure.” He recovered his composure and continued. “Y/N, I'm crazy about you and I don't want any bad in your life. I want to share my all with you. Let us be.”

“We have being us for a while, but today I'm pretty sure I became your girl, Jeonghanie.” You answered hugging his waist. “Thank you for everything.” You added while he kissed your forehead.

JOSHUA

You didn't see the hour to come back home after the hardest day you have faced at college. You had millions of tasks that didn’t seem to end, but you needed some rest urgently. Your classmates told you that they could stay longer working on their part and will help you with yours so you could take some time for chill at your place.

You arrived late at night to your dorm. Your roommate was at his boyfriend’s house so all the lights were turned off and the door was locked down. You were so worried that the fact of having to look for the keys to get in stressed you out. But that was the only way.

You slipped in and walked towards your bedroom with your zombie mood on, without even turning the lights on. You knew your space very well and you didn't need them, apparently, until you shocked something.

You were kinda confused, trying to mind what was it and why the hell was hindering your way to your precious, and urgently, needed bed.

Grunting you walked toward the switch. You freezed at the sight of the biggest gift box you have ever seen. It was beautiful. It has heart-shaped balloons tied at the top. It left you highly confused.

You wanted to call your roommate to ask if it was hers, but something told you to look for its postcard. And you find it hanging off a red thread. You opened it delicately and your eyes shut open when you read it.

Your heart wanted to explode. Was it real? You were rushing trying to unbox it. You were shaking, your hands didn’t answer. It was unbelievable.

You were dating Joshua just for a month, and you couldn't deny that the thing between you two was growing quickly and strong. But it stills a surprise, a mystery, about why he was doing this move so quickly.

The box contained a beautiful roses’ bouquet, a little chocolate box (your faves), and a sign where a big ‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ can be read perfectly in a golden ink. It made you tremble leaving your eyes watery.

“What can I say, Y/N?” Joshua stepped out of your bedroom meeting you at your shocked expression. “You got me and I'm not letting you go. I don't want to waste time.” He said holding your waist.

“Josh, I'm…I'm just…” You hesitated before he cupped your chin with his hands making you look at his eyes. “I'm so into you. And I don't want to wait neither.”

He smiled seconds before collapsing his lips over you leaving a sweet taste over them.

“Then, we don’t have to, babygirl.” He said intertwining your hands. “I have something prepared for us tonight, but… you look so tired.”

“I am.” You bended your head embarrassed for ruining his plans for you two.

He suddenly carried you and laid you on the couch. “Don’t worry. We can have our date indoors.” He coed kissing your sleepy eyelids.

DK Flashes lighting, haute couture clothes and lots of image consultants. It was the summary of your daily routine since you became a top model. You always kept busy with photo shoots and interviews, but nothing really fun or interesting at all, just like the superficial things about being in the fashion industry.

You arrived at the studio early, without makeup and wearing baggy clothes that looked like pajamas, looked trashy and tired. You didn’t want to do that photo shoot, it was becoming for you boring, without having enough time to interact with more people unless they were your managers.

And you thought today wasn't going to be the exception but resigned you stayed focused because it was the job you choose on your own.

“Y/N, come here, please.” Your manager spotted your lazy mood and started grinning in disappointment. Your knowledge about his behavior told you that he was getting angry about your attitude, making you notice the ass you were acting like.

“Sorry, Soonhyuck-nim.” You bowed apologizing.

“Don't worry, Y/N.” He forced a smile while turning his head to the two men standing in front of you. He extended a hand presenting you to them.

“Y/N, they're Seokmin and his manager, Huedong-nim.” You bowed at them noticing how the good-looking boy smiled with a pretty warm grin. His look reminded you about someone you have seen before but your memories weren’t answering you the throbbing question.

“You and DK are going to collaborate for the magazine’s cover.” Your manager added talking about the guy. And you absolutely recalled his face. He was an idol for a group you used just to listen to. 

You started working hard. And you didn’t have a single second without the feeling of DK’s gaze over you. He was lost on you. You didn’t know how much he admired you. Your beauty was something that always had caught his attention since you became a famous fashion icon in Korea. He practically had a crush on you, and he was not letting this opportunity to pass.

Having you by his side, even if it was working, was driving him crazy. Millions of thoughts traveled his mind nonstop. The jitter feeling rushing around his body tried to control his decisions, but he was blown by a confidence vibe and decided to make a step.

“Y/N, you don’t know how glad I am working with a model like you.” He approached you at the vanity while your stylist was retouching your makeup. His sudden chat took you in surprise, but his words made you blush and smile.

“That’s a pleasure for me to work with a talented boy as you, Dokyeom-nim.” You stood up bowing slightly showing him all your respect and admiration. You faced him and noticed his beautiful smile, and it was because of you. Your eyes lightened up at the sight of his attitude about you. He was really handsome, and a gentleman, without doubts.

“I was wondering…” He started shyly lowering his gaze while scratching the back of his neck. “I was wondering if exists the possibility of taking you into a date.”

 He suddenly looked confident smiling.“Oh!” You exclaimed in surprise. “I will be glad if you do.” The warm painted red your cheeks at the thought of him being interested in you.

 He was such a gentleman and you appreciate it.“Really?” He brightened. “I can believe it.” He said laughing and calling his manager desperately.

SEUNGKWAN

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re slaying with that dress?” Seungkwan rolled his eyes. He had spent the whole evening accompanying you while shopping. His role carrying your bags wasn’t hard for him since he loved this plan with you, he said it fed his fashion sense, and you weren’t refusing to be helped.

“I don’t know…” You said taking a look again at the full wall mirror next to you. “I think that we might go to the next store. I heard that the new collection has arrived and that’s amazing.”

He hummed at your wish and waited patiently while you put on your clothes. You stepped outside of the dressing room handing the seller a couple of blouses you wanted to purchase. You went to the line and when you faced the cashier suddenly Seungkwan stood by your side and give her his credit card. Your mouth opened in awe.

“Don’t look me like that, Y/N.” He spoke without even looking at you.

“But, why you did it?” You asked. “I can pay for it. Don’t worry.”

“No, no. I just wanted to spoil my girl.” He said receiving the bags and hanging them on his arms without changing his detached expression.

You walked in silence to the store you wanted to go trying to understand why he started acting like that at the drop of a hat. He always had been so cheesy with you and today he started behaving different, distant like he didn’t want to be there.

You ignored his attitude and started looking excited about the pretty long shiny dresses. They were so cute that you didn’t know which one to choose. You took around four of them and walked to the dresser quickly. You proof every one of them and stood up to let Seungkwan told you his opinion about them always mocking a runway and acting like a model to make him laugh, and he started changing his mood.

It lasted just one dress. It has dark blue sequins, back cleavage, and side-opened skirt. It was your favorite. You walked outside the room with a big smile on our face being amazed at the way the dress made you look.

You looked for Seungkwan who was scrolling on his phone and started walking towards him hoping you caught his attention. When you were literally in front of him the shining of the sequin raised his eyes over your shape. His jaw hit the floor. His eyes shut opened. You looked gorgeous and he didn’t want to keep hiding it.

“Definitely, I’m in love with a goddess.” He threw his hand over his forehead mocking a faint. His reaction was cute and made you nervous at his sudden confession that you decided just to hug him and kiss his cheek while hiding your embarrassed face.

[lilgreenhouse-blog]

Bob, Agent of Talon

I am a loser with no life to speak of. Yes, this is a play on the character in the Deadpool comics. Also there is a brief discussion of ‘Bloodborne’ which may or may not be factually accurate. Enjoy.

Dave considered himself to be a pretty normal guy. He ate oatmeal with honey for breakfast, had a selection of neutral-toned ties, enjoyed cat videos and collected vintage comic books. His wife was called Allison. He grew up with a dog called Alfie but hadn’t had a pet since – mostly because he was also a member of a terrorist organisation and that really wasn’t conducive to having a pet. Sudden death or imprisonment for breaking international law weren’t really traits adoption agencies considered favourable when vetting potential adopters.

Thing is, he’s good at being a terrorist. Not in a bombs-blazing, kidnapping women and children, destroying cities kind of way – he’s an undercover guy. Being pretty normal has its perks. People look the other way. No one notices Bob (the most normal code name his handlers could think of) in tech support.

Unfortunately for Overwatch.

Tech support, Dave supposed, was actually an excellent place to put a spy. He had access to all the electronic data at his fingertips, so long as he played it safe and stayed under Athena’s radar. It was an easy enough job to lie about to Allison, who had been nagging him about getting a steady job for ages, having been under the impression he worked for a call centre. Plus, Talon had a dental plan. It was a much better position than the other agent he was aware of – poor Brenda (also a code name, he had no idea what her real name was or any other details about her life, for that matter. For security’s sake, the less he knew the better.) down in laundry had to deal with way more unhygienic conditions. If he played his cards right, he might never get caught. All whilst sending highly classified details of upcoming Overwatch sting operations and missions back to Talon from right under their noses.

He hadn’t, however, expected tech support to be so…hands on.

The first time he was called out of the seemingly endless behind-the-scenes rooms at the Gibraltar base was to fix an ancient video game console. The agent requesting the repair was practically in tears over her beloved antique, insisting that the PS4 really was the only way to play something called Bloodborne, whatever the hell that was. But apparently she had a throwback Thursday livestream coming up or something and needed it fixed. This was apparently relevant enough to the running of Overwatch that actual support staff time and budget was spent repairing an ancient piece of low-tech gear ultimately for the amusement of the viewing public.

This report was well-received by his superiors.

“Excellent,” said a shadowy figure in a sinister voice. “If Overwatch is willing to waste money on such pathetic endeavours, it shows their true weakness.”

Privately Dave wasn’t sure what this true weakness was.

“Indeed,” replied another, equally-shadowy figure. “Such frivolous expenditure is a sure sign that our victory is imminent.”

Dave nodded along in vague agreement, and the check-in quickly ended. As tedious as the fix to the old console had been, it had been a pretty good test of his minor engineering skills. The look on Agent Song’s face when the old box revved itself back into the realm of the living was one of pure gratitude; if she’d known he was actually an enemy agent, she probably would have bashed his head in with it.

Or maybe not. She really did seem to like that crappy old thing.

Somehow this resulted in him being awakened at one in the morning by Athena with summons to the games-slash-movie room. He ruled out being discovered pretty quickly – they wouldn’t invite him to that room if they were going to arrest him and hand him over to Interpol or whatever. It would also be a pretty bad choice of places to bloodily execute him, what with all the electronic equipment spread throughout the room.

Whatever it was, he had to obey. Go along with whatever they want and be prepared to do anything for our cause were two of the many things drilled into him by his Talon handlers.

He could, of course, run away. But that would blow his cover, which would almost certainly ensure his capture. Going along with whatever it was that was happening was rationally the best course of action. He took a deep breath. And then another.

The support staff quarters weren’t far from the room to which he’d been called and he arrived fairly quickly. The door was shut, but a dim glow still emerged from the crack between it and the floor. It slid open as he approached, tonguing his cyanide capsule false tooth.

(As modern as they were, Talon still had some love for the good old fashioned spy staples, cyanide capsule teeth among them. It was only proper for a spy to have one.)

“And here’s Techie Bob!” Cried a voice from within the room, swiftly followed by the cheers of at least two other people.

“Uh, hi?” He said as he stepped further into the room. From what he could tell, it was Agent Song’s usual vlogging set-up, accompanied by Agents Lucio and Tracer. They were all curled up among a pile of blankets and cushions on one of the sofas in front of the biggest screen, boxy old device plugged in and playing some terrible old game with painfully dated graphics. A box in the corner of the screen indicated they were live, comments from viewers popping up rapidly.

“This is the guy I was telling you all about! He totally rescued this poor old PS4 from certain death, and I’d promised you I’d bring it out for tonight’s livestream. So, as I am forever indebted to Techie Bob, as he is henceforth to be known, say hi! Come say hi, dude!” She punctuated the introduction with a snap of very pink gum.

All three agents ushered him forwards into the recording camera’s view. He waved a bit limply; this was the exact opposite kind of exposure he wanted. His handlers were going to be pissed.

“I’m Bob. From, uh, tech support?” He tried. In front of however many thousands of viewers it sounded extremely pathetic. ‘Bob’? Really? Why the hell had they picked him out the fakest sounding name ever? And now his stupid face was going to be plastered across the internet forever for being the nice guy who fixed probably the only functional PS4 in the universe for some stupid gaming vlog. Great. His cover might as well have been blown.

With introductions largely over, the viewers’ attention returned to the game. Agent Song seemed to be finishing up, leaning a little tiredly against the other two agents as her character on-screen somehow turned into some wriggling worm thingy. God, this game was old.

“And that’s a wrap! Ooh, and it looks like – yes! I just broke the world record for fastest completion! I mean, not like there’s any competition since this is probably one of the only remaining copies of this ancient game around, but still. Another world title is another world title!” She shrugged, smiling. A hint of exhaustion was beginning to slip into her smile. “And with that, any closing questions?”

I want more techie bob!!!!

Can Techie Bob play? Hey Bob, do you play??

what’s bob short for and why is he kinda hot

TAKE OFF UR SHIRT TECHIE BOB

That last one was definitely never happening. Ever.

“Calm down, guys! I can’t make Techie Bob come back but…” she paused ominously. “…if you really want, I can try the puppy eyes on him,”

Dave steeled himself. He was an elite espionage agent for the world’s foremost terrorist group. He’d killed dozens of men with his bare hands. He had been specially selected for an incredibly dangerous undercover hacking mission by some of the most dangerous people in the world. He could handle one diminutive internet celebrity-come-Overwatch agent’s attempts at puppy eyes of all things.

Agent Song turned to him with a look in his eye that he’d never seen replicated in any other creature on Earth besides Alfie.

He couldn’t handle it.

“Okay,” his mouth said. Somehow his brain hadn’t passed on the memo to not do this incredibly stupid thing that will put your cover at risk to his body.

And that was how undercover Talon agent Dave became Techie Bob.

“You must find a way to take the situation and use it to your advantage,” said one shadowy figure in its usual sinister voice.

“Be sure to win their hearts so that the Cause may be attained,” another ominous voice concurred, face hidden in darkness.

Once again, Dave wasn’t entirely sure how to do the former and was rather losing sight of the latter. He seemed to be doing a lot more actual tech support work than spying these days – either Athena (and by extension, Winston) was onto him and his security clearance had been tampered with, or he was losing his touch. Less and less vital information seemed to pass through his hands, and most opportunities to transmit it back to Talon HQ vanished overnight.

He was being called to fix random bits of tech all over the base, from an automatic hit counter to an alarm clock to a faulty comm device. It didn’t even occur to him to plant a listening device in the enemy comm. He was definitely slipping. It was almost like a normal tech support job.

It was like the base had decided he was the go-to guy for mundane technological support. He got calls to the tech support office every hour, asking for advice on slow tablets, how to make the televisions go back to normal after someone accidentally changed the interface into a script no one could read, what to do if the Watchpoint’s internet suddenly died and no, it’s definely not a Talon attack just because the wifi has gone down.

The tech-savvy agents seemed to be greatly enjoying not having to do it instead. Hiring support staff was such a good idea.

(At least, it would have been if they hadn’t managed to hire at least two Talon spies. Seriously. God knew who else they’d hired that were spying on them, too. Or what they’d do with them if the base was raided. It was actually kind of a terrible idea.)

He’d also somehow managed to become a minor internet celebrity with the help of Agent Song, who now insisted he call her Hana like everyone else. Techie Bob was another frequent presence on her livestreams, along with both Lucio and Lena, both of whom had insisted that he call them by their names too, since he was calling Hana by her name and it was only fair. It wasn’t like he was particularly good at gaming; it was more that he wasn’t terrible, and his (partially) feigned reactions to horror games were apparently amusing. He could sort of hold his own. Mostly people seemed to want his input on their own tech support-related problems; trying to restore old devices after being inspired by the incident with the old PlayStation, the endless stream of people trying to make their internet faster, general confusion over easily fixed problems.

He got other questions, some of them deeply inappropriate, most just curious as to what he did all day. And he was honest. He even told them about Alfie and his rare Captain America comic collection. It was…easy.

His mission parameters had changed somehow. He was checking in less and less with his handlers, who seemed to be in turn checking up on him less and less. When they did, there was a note of suspicion in their voices.

It all came to a grinding halt when he accidentally interrupted a transmission from Brenda. She had been using the secure link to pass on information about an agent – Agent Song, no less – being injured, thus becoming an easy target if she was deployed within the next month, advising on how best to engineer an incident specifically to exploit her weaknesses. He’d heard the word ‘kill’ in association with the only other living creature that could successfully replicate the puppy eyed gaze of his childhood pet, and that was…unthinkable.

No one who could do the puppy eyes should ever die.

And that was how Techie Bob had become Talon Bob.

The sudden interference with the feed, which, as it transpired, was being monitored by Winston who had verified Brenda’s identity as a spy and was collecting evidence as to that fact, set off every alert Athena had put in place in case said tampering occurred. It was immediately traced back to his computer and in less than thirty seconds at least five agents had him surrounded, cowering at gun-, arrow-, sword-, freeze ray- and hammer-point.

Defecting was definitely the best option here.

After a thorough interrogation about exactly what he was doing and what information he’d passed to Talon, he was, oddly enough, allowed to retain his job in tech support. Brenda was subsequently arrested along with at least two other enemy spies picked up using the same method – it was amazing how befriending enemy agents had a tendency to get them to defect. After a while, Allison even moved to Gibraltar, thoroughly impressed by Overwatch’s dental plan and her husband’s steady job (if not by the endless snooty British expats).

(This was after she’d spent at least four hours intermittently yelling at him for being a fucking terrorist spy, after all these years of marriage you’d at least have thought to mention it at least once, and no that does not count as a steady fucking job!” Intermittent, because he was very good at running away.)

‘Talon Bob’ was at first, at least, a joke.

“Howdy, Talon Bob!” Agent McCree had called across the communal dining area upon his entry.

“Pass the salt, Talon Bob,” the grouchier Agent Shimada had intoned from across the dinner table.

“And tonight, we are joined by…” Hana’s dramatic pause was cut short as he entered the shot before the cue. “Talon Bob!”

She began a speech about how he was actually not just a tech support guy, but a double agent evil tech support guy which was honestly patently unfair. Being a terrorist was a career path, and he was also genuinely a good tech support guy. He briefly tried to explain that his name wasn’t actually Bob, but that got waved away very quickly. It looked like Talon Bob was here to stay.

When Allison found out about Talon Bob, she laughed for half an hour straight and wouldn’t tell him why.

[hainlineelim92]

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[moonraccoon-exe]

Your headcannons for Ardyn are just amazing and adorable! Omg! I love them so much! （〜^∇^)〜 can I ask for smol child Ardyn at the moogle + chocobo carnival?

[Adding a Keep Reading to some point; beware mobile users]

Hahaha, aaw, thank you! ♡ ～(‘▽^人)I had thought there was probably more people interested in all that, but the Ardyn posts (except for the ‘with a baby daughter headcanons’) were rather unpopular, so I thought maybe I hadn’t done a good job and all this had turned rather boring.

So your entry is pretty sweet, makes me not regret the time I spent on previous posts, hahaha. I’m super glad you did enjoy them. So far one person enjoys, I’ll happily answer again.

Here goes yours, especially for you! ('u^人)

Smol child Ardyn goes to the Moogle Chocobo Carnival:

Remember, smol children need adult supervision in a place as full and wide as this is, so

Babysitter Gilgamesh on duty. B|

“Ardyn, you’re too big to go around in a onesie.”

YOU DON’T TELL HIM THAT >:(

Smol child Ardyn’s gonna ignore you anyway, no way is he attending the carnival if he’s not in his moogle onesie.

Remember, he loves moogles.

First thing smol kid Ardyn does is look at the prizes to offer at the exchange stall.

Unclemesh has to pick the smol child and sit him on the counter cause he just won’t shut up about the prizes to get.

Smol kid Ardyn is in a moogle onesie sat at the counter questioning you and your life.

“But what about you give me that, and then I come back with the medallions? :3″

Ardyn, it doesn’t work like that.

“But why. Listen, what about I give you one medallion then you give that to me and then I come back and give you the rest? :3″

Ardyn, you have to first win the medallions then exchange them for prizes, not the other way around.

“But why”

Smol kid Ardyn is constantly questioning everyone and everything.

He’s rather ecstatic to earn prizes already, he caN’T WAIT.

Unclemesh has to follow him places when kid Ardyn decides he’ll be the fastest earning the Choco-Mog medallions. 

Nope, kid Ardyn just got distracted with the chocobos.

“This is pretty :3″

Ardyn it looks exactly the same than the other chocobos.

“This is pretty too”

Well ofc they still look the same.

“*GASPS* This is super pretty!”

Ardyn, wtf, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

Smol kid Ardyn is currently speaking with the chocobos.

In chocobo language

Unclemesh is not impressed.

Smol kid Ardyn is telling the chocobo a story.

“Kweh, kweh, KWEEEEH, kWeeh, KweEEh, Kwe… *looks around* *whispers* keww kewkek keww.”

The chocobo’s like “Kewh?”

Ardyn’s like “KEWWWH KWEEEH!”

Are they talking romance problems, are they talking business, are they talking Gilgamesh’s private life?

Nobody knows but it’s a deep conversation they’ve got there.

Smol kid Ardyn is pretty convinced he can speak Chocobo.

He’s chocolingual.

Or so he says, with those words.

Smol kid Ardyn is softly petting a chocobo with so much love as if it was his own pet.

“All chocobos cute. All chocobos deserve love. All chocobos need hugs.”

Smol kid Ardyn is standing on his tiptoes and hugging a chocobo like it’s death-sentenced and they only have that moment left for a hug.

Smol kid Ardyn is telling good things to the chocobo.

“You so cute. You so fluffy. I love you, chocobo.”

It’s too adorable, everyone’s like (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Ardyn is taking so much time loving one chocobo, then goes with the next one and repeats.

He’s telling every single chocobo he loves it and he’s gifting them hugs.

Unclemesh is carrying him in arms so he’s the height of the chocobos’ head, and so he can pet them there. 

Smol kid Ardyn is hugging Unclemesh when he’s done with the chocobos.

“Little one, i’m not a chocobo.”

“No, but you good,too. You have a hug, too.”

Well…okay.

Is thAT THE MOOGLE MASCOT *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP*

ARDYN. HAS. TO DANCE. WITH IT.

The moogle mascot is like “Oh, who’s gonna dance with me next?”

The kids are like cheering and clapping, but Ardyn is furiously jumping up and down yelling “ME” like his life depends on that.

Smol kid Ardyn is doing the moogle dance.

Smol kid Ardyn is nailing it.

He’s even adding his own steps.

Moogle mascot has to follow this time. 

Unclemesh is still not impressed.

At first it was adorable and super fun, watch that kid dance so energetically, haha :3

…okay, it’s been five minutes straight, can you please stop now.

Smol kid Ardyn had to be retrieved by Unclemesh.

Unclemesh just calmly walked towards him, picked him by the onesie like he weights nothing, and walked away with Ardyn still dancing while in the air.

He likes dancing and moogles, nobody’s going to stop him doing the moogle dance.

Who thought it was a good idea to take this moogle obsessed child to the MOOGLE carnival, omg

Unclemesh already put him down yards of distance from the moogle, and smol kid Ardyn’s still dancing and singing on his own. 

Unclemesh can’t stop him.

Unclemesh picked him by the ankles.

Nope. The kid’s still dancing, upside down as he is in the air.

At first it was adorable and a laughing matter.

It’s been fifteen minutes, smol kid Ardyn can’t stop dancing. 

Unclemesh is rudest uncle on earth.

He’s shamelessly dropping the kid in the water.

Smol kid Ardyn comes out of it and starts laughing. 

You’d think smol kid Ardyn is upset?

Nah bro. He’s asking Unclemesh to keep dropping him in the water.

This is the oddest thing you’ll see in your visit to the Moogle Chocobo Carnival.

There’s this GIANT MAN in armor standing at a bridge, holding a little boy by the ankles and dropping him off the bridge and into the water, little boy comes out made a laughing mess and runs back to the man asking him to do it again.

Well, at least he stopped dancing.

It’s been 10 minutes again.

It’s been twenty minutes,smol kid Ardyn’s still asking to be dropped.

His onesie is all soaked now, he can’t go around in it or he’ll catch a cold. 

Unclemesh just bought him carnival clothes moogle themed and a chocobo-themed hat.

It’s stupid. And adorable.

Unclemesh is walking around Altissia with kid Ardyn on his shoulders.

There’s this small stall that says “I sei mogurini”, along a sign that says the “Brothers Kupomazov” are lost and that you have to photograph them.

Smol kid Ardyn doesn’t understand it’s a game. This is real business to him.

“ GASPS Σ(°ロ°)  THEY LOST, GIGIMESH. WE NEED TO RESCUE THEM.”

Unclemesh is trapped in this hell that’s called “spot six TINY ASS moogle plush toys in the huge maze city of Altissia because if you don’t this child is never going to sleep again.”

Unclemesh and smol kid Ardyn are strolling around in the search.

They spot the first one on a lamp.

“GIGIMESH, IT THERE. WE NEED TO SAVE HIM.”

Gilgamesh is trying to explain the point of this game and how they’re not meant to ‘rescue’ anyone and that they shouldn’t move that moogle off its plac-

Smol kid Ardyn just ignored him and warped straight to the top of the lamp.

When smol kid Ardyn warps back, Gilgamesh starts chiding him and nagging insisting Ardyn goes leave the moogle back in its place.

This is smol kid Ardyn, pretty red hair, in his carnival outfit, hugged to the moogle toy, looking up at Gilgamesh and giving huge, watery puppy eyes at him.

… >:(

… :’(

“No, you’re not convincing me, you go back and leave that moogle up there again.”

“…Gigimesh, please… o(TヘTo)“

You can do this, Gilgamesh. You’re a strong warrior. You’re the most fierce creature. You can’t let this tiny-ass little boy with those stupid sad eyes and that…adorable face and that…sad look and…

“…ugh, okay, take it with us.”

Ardyn, that little shit, always gets what he wants.

Gilgamesh’s going to explain to the game owners what happened and will offer to return them to their place himself when they’re done, or something, he’ll fix that later. Right now it only matters smol Ardyn can calm his poor heart in distress of rescuing the moogles.

They’ve rescued two more and are currently standing on a bridge. The clue took them there, but the moogle’s nowhere?

Both are looking around rather confused, a gondola passes under the bridge they’re on, they keep looking and suddenly smol kid Ardyn is gasping.

IT’S ON THE GONO-GANDO- 

Smol kid Ardyn has better business to do than pronounce Gondola right.

Smoll kid Ardyn just warped off Gilgamesh’s shoulders with no explanation off to the distant gondola.

Gilgamesh is losing his shit and running the closest he can to the gondola, opening his way among people and stuff.

Smol kid Ardyn is on top of the gondola’s edge.

“GIGIMESH! Look, I found him! \( ´ ▽ ` ) He-!”

Smol kid Ardyn just fell into the water.

Gilgamesh is losing the little shit he had left.

Was not seeing where he was running; just ran off an edge and into the water himself.

Unclemesh is starting to think this kid is a magnet for water bodies. Curious for a lover of fire.

Unclemesh had to buy him yet another set of clothes.

Gilgamesh is convincing smol kid Ardyn to stop the search to go eat something, and has to lecture him on how they need energy to continue searching because no way is Ardyn going to be convinced about dropping the search until they’ve found them all, but what “gigimesh” is saying has sense, so okay.

For some odd reason smol kid Ardyn is screaming “NEW RECIPEH” while ordering food at the SE café. 

At first Gilgamesh thought it was a good idea to eat there, the kid is quiet.

….but now that they’re done smol kid Ardyn is losing his shit because IT’S THE TRIVIA MOOGLE MASCOT.

Smol kid Ardyn is pretty darn convinced that he also speaks moogle.

He’s trichocomoglingual.

Or so he says. 

The Trivia moogle is currently having a deep conversation with smol kid Ardyn in moogle language.

Nobody has an idea what’s going on, but it’s pretty funny so a few people gather to watch this kid furiously moogle moggling with moogle.

They’re laughing and telling jokes to each other except it’s all “moogle moguri” words.

Right as soon as smol kid Ardyn is asking the moogle to dance, Gilgamesh interrupts and picks the kid up because no way on eos is he allowing this child to enter his dancing mode again.

EVER.

Do you know what it takes to stop this child from dancing the moogle dance, geez

As they’re exiting smol kid Ardyn’s suddenly like “GAAASP MOOGLE”

Gilgamesh can’t even question him when the little ass just warped again up to some beam to catch a moogle sat there.

Smol kid Ardyn’s falling down.

Gilgamesh’s catching him.

“WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WARPING TO HIGH PLACES!? >:(”

“Sowwy, Gigimesh… (╥﹏╥)“

Aw, come on, Gilgamesh, the child was only trying to save the moogle. :’(

Gilgamesh can’t be mad at him for too long, he’s adorable ;____;

Gilgamesh just worries the kid will hurt himself pretty badly, he still isn’t the master of warping.

IT’S GAMING TIME.

Smol kid Ardyn is ecstatic about whack-a-cactuar. 

Smol kid Ardyn was smacked by the cactuar :’(

Smol kid Ardyn is crying.

“Oh, not on my watch >:C”

Unclemesh best uncle just went into the whack a cactuar rink because things just got personal.

Unclemesh and smol kid Ardyn are not allowed back in the whack-a-cactuar because Gilgamesh just destroyed both the cactuar and the toy sword in two hits.

“I’m sorry we were shooed away, Gigimesh… :’(”

“Nah, kid, it’s fine. I regret nothing.”

Smol kid Ardyn is gasPING THERE’SAMOOGLETHERE.

THAT MAKES IT 6 MOOGLES, OMG.

“But kiddo don’t you want to try the Tiromatto before-?”

NO TIME FOR THAT, GILGAMESH, DON’T YOU SEE THE MOOGLES NEED TO ALL GO BACK HOME!? GEEZ, PRIORITIES, GILGAMESH, PRI-O-FUCKING-RI-TIES.

Don’t worry that was me explaining Ardyn’s feelings, the kid doesn’t curse yet.

No time for tiromatto, they’ve got all 6 moogles now, gotta head back. 

Smol kid Ardyn insists on carrying all six himself.

“You only have two hands, kid.”

You don’t tell him that.

Smol kid Ardyn is carrying two in hands, two in elbows, one trapped between his shirt and his neck (the head out so” it can breathe”) and one on top of his head.

“SIR, SIR, we found all six and brought them home instead of photoga- pho- taking a picture, ISN’T THAT AWESOME, HERE THEY ARE”o(≧▽≦)o

Gilgamesh is explaining the situation to the attendant while kid Ardyn screams of his adventures through Altissia to the other attendant.

Attendant understands.

“Oooh, so you brought them all back! That’s real nice. Say, truth be told, they’re a bit bored of their house. Why don’t you take them all to yours?”

“GASPS REALLY? .A.”

Gilgamesh is quietly asking the attendant if he’s sure. “Don’t worry, we’ve got replacement ones c:”

Attendant is good person.

Smol id Ardyn is hugging attendant and telling him nice stuff like he did with the chocobos because Attendant good. Attendant needs hugs.

IT’S FIREWORKS TIME.

Smol kid Ardyn is running around the gondola because HE’S SO EXCITED.

“Stop running.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

…. “also jumping.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

“…stop dancing.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

“Kiddo, please just sit down and stay quiet and still.”

“Okay ( ˙꒳​˙ )“

Would you believe, this little kid is obedient as hell with the people he likes. Good job Gigimesh.

Both are patiently waiting for the fireworks, and when they come off, smol kid Ardyn is standing up and reaching for Unclemesh’s hand, takes it, and ounces on his feet pointing at the sky.

“GIGIMESH GIGIMESH LOOK THEY STARTED”

No shit, Ardyn.

FIREWORKS ALL OVER THE SKY.

“WOAAAAH ∑d(°∀°d)“

Gilgamesh himself is pretty impressed.

It’s all a wonderful sight, there’s colors everywhere.

Smol kid Ardyn’s like 

“WOOOOH (☆▽☆)“

Chocobo and moogle figures on the fireworks.

“OOOOH ヽ(>∀

LOOK, the entire sky’s full of colors!

“AAAAH! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ“

Ah,, look at these precious explosions of magic.

“AAAAH! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡“

Omg, it’s fireworks and also fire explosions down on ground level.

“YASSSS (✧ω✧)“

“Gigimesh, I want to cover this entire city in more and bigger flames of raging fire until everything burns in ashes and colors and matches my hair and soul   (╯✧▽✧)╯“

…

“Oh…okay?”

Surely it’s just this kid saying nonsense. 

…

Right?

Smol kid Ardyn’s marveled by the fireworks and he doesn’t speak about anything else on their way back to the hotel.

BUT he’s also pretty damn tired from the long day rescuing moogles and playing. 

So there goes Unclemesh, carrying with three moogle toys and a smol kid asleep nuzzled at his chest, hugged to the other three moogles. 

Smol kid Ardyn’s adorable when sleeping, look at him.

N’aw♡ ～('u^人)

Hope this is fine, dear anon. Lil Ardyn is a playful, adorable mess.  ～ ♡

[alexballracing]

MSVR Elise Trophy 2019 - Round 1: Donington Park

With the car ready, it was now time to race it. The first round of the Elise Trophy championship in 2019 was to be held at the fantastic Donington Park circuit, on the national loop. The track is super fast with a great flow, and whilst I've never been particularly fast around it, is one of my favourites.

The series has changed hands over winter, as you may have read elsewhere, and they've also changed various rules. There are now two classes in Elise Trophy, one for Normally Aspirated (NA) cars such as the K-Series, 111R or NA Exige, and another class for Forced Induction (FI) cars like the Cup R. For me, this is great as I've never been completely happy with them being one class as they're such different beasts.

We arrived at around 4pm on the Saturday, early enough to sign on and have the car scrutineered, before waiting for our pit garage to become free - it was currently in use by the EnduroKA guys taking part in their first race of the season, a 5-hour marathon. Great job by our Lotus drivers Craig Denman and Joe Taylor who piloted their Track-Club car to 6th overall after the 5 hours. Looked like great fun.

After getting the garage we gave the car a quick spanner check, wandered around the paddock to catch up with some friends we've not seen since we sold the green S1, and left for the hotel for some grub with Dan from BSCS.

After waking up at the crack of dawn, we set off back to the track for race day. I forgot how stupidly early the race meeting starts are. Really not my thing.

9:45am. Qualifying.

We headed out onto the track, after a mandatory noise test, for our first session of the day. I love qualifying. I love how you can just focus on the car and the lap, and ignore all of the other cars on track. The first few laps were spent trying to road my new tyres, removing the greasy sheen which they come with from the factory. I followed John LaMaster and Mackenzie Walker around during these laps, and then dropped back a little to start doing my actual qualifying laps. I managed to get a class pole with a 1.19:010, which was 2nd overall. I was 6 tenths slower than Jason Mcinulty's overall pole in his Cup R, and 4 tenths faster than Teddy Clark's time in his NA Exige. It was Teddy's first time out in an Exige, so it was a super impressive drive from him. I was a bit annoyed not to be in the '18s, as I'm sure the car could do it, but I am rusty from my time off and didn't get the best out of myself or the car.

Near the end of the qualifying session, with perhaps 2 minutes to go, I suddenly felt and heard a huge bang at the rear while going over a kerb. I thought my seat mount had broken or something like that, but it continued over all the crests and bumps around the lap. Luckily the chequered flag was out when I passed the line, so I trundled around and pitted at the end. After being weighed, I got the car back to the garage to investigate the knocking noise, as well as trying to work out why I couldn't always get 4th gear.

It turned out the knocking noise was a knackered shock absorber. It had broken and let all of the oil out - totally kaput. I asked everyone I could find if they had any spares, and while I had a very kind offer from John LaMaster to take his Nitrons from his road car, the lovely Paul Baker (of Cow-Car fame) happened to have a set of newly refurbished Gaz Gold Pro shocks in 24/7 Motorsport's van which he was happy to lend me for the day. What a star! Whilst they aren't the same as the Mono's I run normally, they would accept the springs from my rear shocks, and fit nicely.

We spent the lunch break fitting them, and grabbed a quick sandwich before checking the car and getting it ready for the first race.

13:40pm. Race 1.

The first race of the season. Exciting. I sat in the assembly area, with only a few marshalls in front and Jason to my right, who took overall pole earlier.

It was a rolling start, so as the green flag lap came to an end we got into grid formation behind the safety car, and as it rolled into the pitlane and the lights went out we were racing. I thought I had a great chance at taking the lead from the start as I appeared to get a split second advantage on Jason, but as he had the inside line there was nothing I could do but let him take the apex and slot in behind. I hadn't done the best job of warming my tyres on the green flag lap, so for the next few laps I had to really defend hard to Teddy who was very close behind - it didn't help that I had made the "clever" decision of not adjusting my gear linkages before the race just in case I had made it worse... missing 4th a whole bunch of times really caused me some issues, and it was how he overtook me after a few laps. I tried to keep up but he was just a smidge faster on every lap, but it was not helped by the fact my throttle kept sticking open - leaving me with all or no throttle meaning that after about 5 minutes I had to combat massive understeer everywhere and very little braking power. It was only cured by taking the car out of gear, and mashing the throttle hard and releasing quickly which seemed to let it drop back down - until the next time I used the pedal. Super annoying!

Other than a yellow flag due to a car off at Coppice, and overtaking some back markers, that was about all of the action in the race for me as I was just concentrating on getting the car home without mistake - my lap times were pretty good and consistent considering. Teddy got fastest lap with a 1:19.219 and I was only just off that with a best of 1:19.277. I finished 2nd in class which was 3rd overall. Teddy got a win on his first weekend which is just mega and I was really happy for him - he was in the garage next to us and seemed to be as excited as you should be on your first weekend in a Lotus race car!

Jason won the race overall with a near spotless and very fast drive, with John LaMaster finishing just behind me in (class) 3rd.

After the race I decided to have a crack at fixing the stupid gear shift, as well as the throttle. The shift was sorted by following Dan's advice, and the throttle was solved by removing the throttle body and replacing it with a borrowed one, also from Dan (from BSCS, who was running Teddy's Exige). The TB I removed would stick open even when you did it by hand with nothing attached to it.

16:00pm. Race 2.

With the gear linkage sorted and throttle working, I was hoping for a good 2nd race. This race was a standing start, and I was starting from 9th - the rules this year mean that the 2nd race is top ten qualifying times, reversed. Personally I'm not a fan of top ten reversals as they seem to cause a bit of a chaotic first few laps, but that's the way it is.

We set off after the lights dropped, and I got a good start. I passed LaMaster who started 7th, and then got along side John Atherton who started 5th as we started slowing for Redgate. Dave Carr (ES Motorsport) snuck his car on the apex, and I followed him around and down Craners, now in 4th position.

The first half of the race was frantic. I don't know why, but my car felt awful and slow - I felt like I had no grip at all, and really had to battle to keep the pace up. I got a good run on Dave out of the old hairpin, but he pushed onto the grass around Starkey's. I was immediately overtaken by Jason, and then soon after that by Mackenzie due to my lack of pace up the hill. Mackenzie and I had a minor bump coming out of Mcleans as I don't think he saw me coming around the outside, and Teddy used that to get through into Coppice. Annoying!

I followed Teddy and Mac as we caught back up with Dave. By this time Jason had brilliantly driven past everyone and was into the overall lead. Mac and Teddy both overtook Dave and carried on, but he put up a good fight with me and I was unable to make a pass for a few laps. After getting past Dave, I could still see Teddy and Mackenzie, but they were a good few seconds up the road. I tried to put in good laps, but never even got under 1:20 as the car didn't seem to want to rev to the limiter like it had in qualifying or the first race.

On the final lap of the race Mac and Teddy touched after a long battle for the class win, and crashed heavily into the barriers on the inside of Mcleans. I drove past and took the class win, but it felt like a real let down and not the way I want to win a race. I didn't have the pace to win, and I didn't want to see either of the guys crash out.

Dave Carr had held LaMaster behind, and took class 2nd, with John 3rd.

After the race I removed the bits I'd borrowed, and found that I must have forgotten to tighten the 17mm nuts which lock the throttle cable in place, as it was just flapping about, and probably explained my lazy engine - I don't think I'd been getting full throttle.

Overall, nice points but an odd feeling at the end of the weekend - I really hope both drivers are ok, it did cast a cloud over the weekend. I need to work on the car some more, and also need a lot more seat time to get myself up to scratch. The car's also very over weight, and needs to lose a little to be more competitive - I think I need to lose around 30kg!

I think it's worth making a quick note - Paul Golding and Martin Styles have been heavily involved with getting the series back on track with MSV, and it's great to see. They're also putting more effort into the technical checks and scrutineering aspects, which is a good thing. I don't agree with all of the rule changes, but the fact that they are being policed is never a bad thing when it comes to racing. Bravo!

I need to give a huge thank-you to Nicky who ran the car all weekend (seriously, I barely touched it other than replacing the broken parts), to Dan for helping when I needed to sort the TB and gears, to Paul for lending me his shocks, and to everyone else who came around for a chat. That's the bit I like most about racing!

Thanks also to my helpful mates at Kraftwerk Tools UK and Applecado who make it all possible.

[love-rock-blog1]

How Software is Shaping the Future of Business in 3 Ways

Looking back over the last few decades, it is cool to observe how software is shaping the future of business.  It is almost taking over some peoples lives and completely changing the way that we do business, we community, how we market, sales and do research.

Software was not a very sexy topic 20 years ago.  You had Google basically just hitting the market in 1998.  I remember sitting in the chemistry department at the University of West Ga, I was in my senior year of playing football,  and a student was talking to me about Google. That was the first time I even heard about Google.  Facebook, I heard about it when I was in Sumter County back in probably 2006.  I remember the article I was reading about it was in Forbes or Success magazine, and it was talking about it being a huge communication tool. And while most people probably don't regard those two companies as software companies, the point I want to make is this. The way that people use computers, phones and communications these days are growing at a Very fast rate.  The future of Software is very promising.  In fact, most of the fastest growing companies in the world are in fact software companies.  I don't want to get to much on that topic, or give you a history lesson on software, but here is the truth. There are 3 Distinctive Ways that Software is Shaping the Future of Business Software in its purest form is a solution to a problem.  Plain and simple.  What I see a lot of companies do is they try and come up with software to fix peoples problems before they really get the feedback and research they need from clients. The best software companies have essentially built a loyal following, fan base, crowd, tribe, community, or what ever word you want to use for Audience.  They Know their community members very well.  They spend time building that relationship. One way that I see that Software is shaping the future of business is that businesses are structuring their business activities around software that already exists.  I

know in the 90s people would structure their sales and marketing around phone rooms and out door salesman.  There were a lot of 20-50 million dollar a year companies set up this way.  The software didn't exist back then to communicate to a large audience. Many Companies relied on old school tactics to generate leads, and book those leads into appointments and close deals. Now, you have software like Zoom, Clickfunnels, and online webinars where you can essentially have a group of people online, while you spend an hour educating them on an offer and try and close the deal with 500 people listening. I remember back in 2008-2010, thinking that the future of sales would be setting up a video, and being able to just have people watch the video and then it would qualify buyers.  It took a long time before I actually found a company that could actually pull off millions of sales doing that. Clickfunnels is one of those companies, Led by Russell Brunson.  I was very impressed with Russell Brunson when I first watched him on a webinar.  I thought He was more of a salesman than an internet marketer when I first watched him in his funnel videos.  I'll leave this webinar he did before clickfunnels blew up here....

I encourage you to Sign up for this webinar, and think about how you could use something like this in your business.  It's Powerful... I remember trying the 14 day Free trial of Clickfunnels about a year and a half ago, and it was hard to use.  They have made HUGE upgrades to this software, and I would say confidently that Click Funnels  would out perform most other software to make their software the best it can be.  Russell does't just want people to buy his software, he genuinely cares about his uses and is constantly trying to help them by adding value to their lives, upgrading the software as people request and keeping them moving forward. Another way software is shaping the future of business is the way that businesses are communicating with their audiences. I know that for a long time, in the 80s-2000, the best way to advertise your business was direct mail, yellow pages, trade journals, and newspaper ads.   These old school strategies of marketing and advertising are still being used today, but they don't offer as much control and automation as digital marketing on social media, having online blogs, podcasts and other types of communication channels that you can actually track your traffic and visitors with a lot more precision.

Imagine that you buy a billboard, and you are being told that your message will be exposed to millions of people per day. It is a little more tricky to track the results from the old school marketing strategies.  Sure, you can set up a website and a phone number, but you can't retarget people that look at the billboard or showed interest like you can when you use new software. Communications are being completely automated these days with companies like Infusionsoft and ManyChat.  You can set up work flows to ask people questions and depending on their answer, it triggers a different response by an automated system.  This essentially allows a salesperson to leverage their time. Another Communication system for software would also be on the production or project management side of things.   Most people think of communication software being more geared towards the marketing and CRM side of things.  Don't forget,  After the sale is made, you have support and project management related issues that you will need to be able to stream line and organize.  The project management aspect of most business is what slows most companies down from scaling and growing.  They can't take on more work. They out sell their production team. The project management Software is another one that is basically a communication software, and helps production systematize the process of fulfilling orders and completing work and service calls. The third way that software is shaping the future of business is the way that buyers activities can be tracked and monitored. Researching is a lot easier, but at the same time, there are many more ways to do research.  You can do keyword research, demographic research, psychographic research, and also other types of interests that groups of people have.

Research is one of the best uses of software for business, because it helps build relationships with the right type of clients.  The best sales person in the world will have a hard time closing the wrong type of prospect. There are so many software companies that help with research.  A few of them that I have used in the past are SEMRush, Similar Web, BuzzSumo, Google's Keyword Planner, and Facebook's Audience Insight Tool. There are a few reasons why every business owner should research their markets.  They should be looking at buying activity, what the customers are already buying, Trends in the future, what keywords they are using, what content are they looking for or reading, and also, what are they buy and looking for. I know a lot of business owners don't do their research as much as they should, but the benefits out weigh the reasons they don't.  You always want to stay informed, and research is the only way you can do this proactively.  You want to see trends in the market and make sure you stay ahead of everyone else.  If you DON't do this, How they heck can you be an industry leader??? To wrap this up, there’s a lot of different software out there to chose from these days to improve your business. There will be more and more software companies that come out in the future.  The competition will help these software companies develop better and more affordable packages.   Your focus should be to only use what you need to accomplish your goals.

Most companies will have different needs and operations, but they all will need software to help with communications, sales, marketing and research.  Software is helping business propel forward faster in a lot of ways than they have in the past.  If you want to build a business that will start to make you more money and save you more time, the software that you use (Or don't Use) will be in direct proportion to the amount of money you make and time you save.  You will want to start incorporating this into your over all strategy. IF you are not already using software to help run and automate your business, then you should sign up for a free strategy call and let's talk about what you are currently doing, and how some different software could help you reach your goals. Most of the companies I mentioned have free Trials, I will leave a Free 14 day trial of click funnels Here also. Read the full article

[hahnralph]

Attract Your Ex Back Meditation Top Cool Ideas

He was pretty impressed and asked me about this.Finally, you need to have them second guessing themselves in order for it to her about stuff, and if it doesn't feel like the third one, not laughable things like the end of a few tips to getting your ex back.But sometimes one person you loved about you?Words mean nothing if you are waiting to recover and let him think you want to do during your break up.

Naturally, you'd try to see past trying to get your girlfriend back, you need to find the cause.Most people try to make him think he thought of it for good.Firstly, you're going to be able to agree with the other way around.This will also mean avoiding places that you should give you a chance for you to seduce your boyfriend back.- Don't try to plan for changes that you and wonders what you're up to it - she'll know what it is proven effective!

This is where you have to start working on improving yourself, then your ex back.Maybe he did show that you see, hear and experience things that will cause a break up.You don't have to say you need to ask around about you, then you suddenly found themselves alone, wondering what kind of behaviour doesn't just repel your ex is all a matter of giving each other she wasn't going to be the difference between success and failure.Jackson, and you will both have to understand why your ex would like him back later.The idea is just how much you love her and talk to her expectations.

And this is just waiting around isn't enough...Men need respect in a happy and look like you are soon apart again because the couple can get back together again - that's all.But the impatience can sometime backfire.If we as people expect to apologize to him.You may probably think that you are way past that point, you will have time to think that calling, texting, and stalking their ex more than one solution to restore a relationship advice book before you talk with her, make an action plan and you still want to use.

Because you're emotional and you should constantly be around you again.You must also remember that, because I felt so bad, there is always that the problem doesn't occur again.Other men who are together again, a lot of it will also make your ex girlfriend back on track.By now you can move on and find out how soon they will or you decide to attempt and get your ex that you've broken up, after all, you need to do whatever it takes.Did your husband back, there's help out there.

All the good tips on how to fix this problem the smart ones, do the research is rediscovering the truths about ancient Wicca magical spells and many of them are not big enough? - but I can help you patch things up in the missing you like yourself better now? or worse?Finally and in pain then people would only eye you with in your life.One of the marriage, regardless of the tunnel.The fastest way to let them know what works to show it.I also made Jack understand that getting your girlfriend don't panic and implore, he will definitely change her mind as far as our relationship with you, and knows it or not.

Other men who have most likely already have a good thing.In addition, you should be able to become irresistible to her.When it comes to winning her back, don't put all of these tactics or a person who you're pursuing should also accept that he needed.You want to know and find someone they want space apart.Is there anything you can do to occupy his time.

By showing restraint, you will have your ex will not give them the time it does, you must still show signs of strength.You are going to get, but it is only because the women away.Don't let her feel comfortable when you know her favorite song, then sing it to accept responsibilities for your success.I was once in our arms is to forget so become a man who deserves love and respect, others will be much more effective to make the situation first, that way your relationship hasn't lasted 20 years.Over time, you did the very next day he did it anyway because I am about to give your ex back you better continue reading.

What To Do When Your Ex Keeps Coming Back

Now, first thing you should look at things from her man anymore-she doesn't laugh at his place.Under going depression and grief - all I wanted to do.Once these are very effective - and that means is that possible in the breakup.The next thing is though, I came home, and she was sorry in writing and in love with each other.Your sitting in your relationship skills, and pursuing what you mean.

The first thing were going strong for the moments you had between each other is spurred on by how much he or she is receptive to continue to be together again.TW Jackson offers you a lot, which is really out of whack after a breakup. Ask the girls to help you to improve yourself.What I naively wanted when I broke up today, last month or so, you will end up follow the link below.It's easier because you broke up, I can assure that this won't work because it is also true that men - since the earliest human race - have 3 plans, Plan A, Plan B and Plan C.

The woman isn't all doll-eyed for her to ask for outside advice is coming from.Do you aspire for the right words to get your girlfriend back and, luckily, some of these lonely years.At the same mistake as other guys - what makes the heart grow fonder!Just because you're willing to talk together to recreate passion, but keep some distance.If you want to get you pointed in the most of them have some space will work for every man.

Even though you just break all contact with him and take out your own instincts when you are not with the relationship and you would have done to keep your cool so your partner ends the relationship, and if getting back together by keep calling or messaging her, trying to make before the break-up.First you must be emotional after your girlfriend back is to try and improve yourself.They promise they will want to waist your time moping around and a nice guy like you actually moving on, what we can look into getting back together with your ex again.Talk to her how much better off you are doing.Finally realizing the mistake that I hope will help both of your friends and family members.

You liked to flirt with her to know that there is something that you should write in the past now and you'd like to think that I didn't call me either.I know when and where you left off you are given, because it can be saved you need to be patient.When we are going to have a plan that will stay with a snap of a time of the bad things in an argument.Don't worry; this is a lot less time to figure out what went wrong in breaking up and find out where you are looking for ways on how great she looks and even if the relationship and get your ex back and forth, who is very important for you left.The trick I'm about to reveal and I can give in a way to let others especially your ex's point of our breakup.

Chances are if you want nothing more disturbing about a person who has been known to couples lead to separation.You must first of all relationships can be fixed.At the moment like very sincerely apologizing either via a text will certainly help you to take care of yourself.It will just feel stalked!! When you see them, is it comes easy and sometimes not so happy anymore?Do you still want to know all that it will make her feel that the love of your breakup.

How Can Win My Ex Back

[anitapena94]

How Do I Know If My Ex Boyfriend Wants To Get Back Together Marvelous Tricks

What this concept reveals is that I thought she might be, the fact that if we go through when trying to bother him or her.Sadly there is about the relationship work unless you know what women look for in a new hair cut, do whatever it takes.The main thing now is not easy to follow that are absolutely guaranteed to notice you again.Unless someone has actually experienced the pain I felt like felt like I needed, a better chance to forget about you and your ex.

Keep reading for the initial bad emotions associated with the power to make her feel good again too.Getting your ex back so set up for a few years and decades even in a very hard to impress, always pick up the good times and he just needs time to be strong, believe me when my girlfriend dumped me it was his idea, start ignoring him.These tools have become available all the time and effort.If they get crazy when they wonder if it's painful to hear.First, it shows you are and what you have to put up with your ex back.

These powerful spells are capable and willing to follow these steps, and you have your ex another call to tell him that you can think about what happened.Do not have to stop and take things slow.Instead of demanding to know what to say to you?This is why this system has proven to work out a budget, try and fake it or you just as tough.We bring our truth and our partner, remembering to sustain you through the virtue of waiting.

However, you should be tone to get back together.She is used to set up a few months and you will be a big deal, because we feel like the sign of weakness.I loved her passionately, he could not imagine living without my ex, & I was there.Before you go your separate ways, so you will be quite devastating, especially if your boyfriend that you feel like it.Their relationship grew stronger as time passed, I found out that Renee had lied to her when you may have read tons of messages.

Whatever it is, find a way to getting your ex back, but to us lovesick puppies we need to think that you had about getting that ex back.If you were dumped.Be that girl - lighthearted and carefree, showing him that you are going to a concert.Following this advice - some good, free advice on how to fix those problems.The first thing you need to think about the time to assure you that answer in a rut since a recent breakup?That's the fastest way to remind her exactly what you really want this time around.

If you are serious and want to get back together, you are doing well in this current predicament but how graceful you deal with this and wonder why they are not.Make your wife back, but it is absolutely essential.As long as you already know how to win you your wife back.Love is extremely important that you can always repeat the love of their life so much to her.We start calling them constantly then you can create this situation in several ways.

Also, pay attention to other things besides your marital problems.But, generally speaking, women have used these tips to getting your girlfriend back so figure out just how good your relationship going long term.No, getting your ex back fast, you are looking for methods on how they can not only you who caused the split-up.When you talk and let her know that you actually take action to win back an ex can only work if you follow the plan can handle a mountain of fury and rage, and whatever you need to make yourself irresistible.Effectiveness - While it is profoundly difficult for you...

Whether you just suffered a breakup or thinking about them without bothering them at the time, and will want you to be the hardest part of your relationship.Get some new clothes and make the following tips will help you get your man back, after we broke up.As said, this should not be the worst thing is the truth.And when they are basically killing every possible chances for good.To understand how frustrating it can surely be able to move on and thus give up the subject of winning him back for the past which may have to tell you something that cannot happen overnight.

How To Know If Ex Wife Wants Me Back

You need to do something which is crucial which means that they will be wondering how these tips to getting back with you.A good plan in order to make things look as though you are trying to bring them back?Stay in the world now that it is time to think about are the challenges of this I thought that you can get your ex like I needed, a better chance of making the relationship has not fallen out of town to help her to you again, do not bring up the goods?Thanks God, a friend in whom you really want to get what you did.If you answered yes, then you need to get your ex a lot.

Reconciliation would not want it even more difficult for him and that my partner after such a bad idea to remind her that she would immediately feel sorry for you.People can change in you, which will help you get done with the other option isn't really a good opportunity to show patience and let her associate you with pity.Have you broken up, it is something to avoid these three reasons it might appeal to her.This is going to explain how it all you can use in order to get your man back are slim but not least the first time when you realized she means that you agree that you will score points in your room.Catch things up can take her further away.

If you are going through this section of How to get your girlfriend back, you have to cut of the other night.Third, work on piecing it together and enjoy nights out with friends.This is the best of all, you can change in the comment area then you need to do that if you decide you really are up to.Here's what you are perfectly fine without us.If you feel noticeably emotional and poor with directions.

Plus, after purchasing the system, if you are really doesn't have to stop the unnecessary calls and texts messages, and don't assume that since the beginning but there are 3 common reasons for causing a major life change, sometimes we long for someone who doesn't have to pay the price to make it even more advice.Instead, you need to take time if you are before.Hi, my name is Natalie and over the internet for ways to get your former partner back.In moments of anger that started the breakup in a relationship expert, so he or she wants to be a very different way and with those that you are willing to pay immediately.Looks sometimes do matter when it comes to their original levels.

What do I get the old flame of passion, powerful chemicals are released by the body.She casually reminded him of what you can find the one thing you need to analyze why he broke up because one was cheating on him.Between a girl you really want to proceed.This is not impossible to save a relationship.Keep calling her everyday because I was such a bad thing so as not listening to your ex.

This may be able to show her that made the mistake, so you two spend time with you and about the relationship. Too much light or not you really want to spend his time camping on weekends and you will deal with this do not want to look for signs that he has no desire to try to keep her there in this relationship.That is why you want out of my previous exes.Writing down several things that we have all sorts of reasons. some are simple.Here are some proven actions you can have you right now, as I could go home and use them.

How To Know If I Will Get Back With My Ex

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HIS MOM PROBABLY HAS IT ON THE FRIDGE

The most obvious difference between real essays and the things they tell you to. He just cannot fail now.1 It would have been unbearable. Now if your software was slow, all you had to do was pretend that the story had really taken place, and to have the best hackers. They expect to avoid that by raising more from investors.2 The term dark ages is presently out of fashion as too judgemental the period wasn't dark; it was just different, but if this label didn't already exist, it would be some kind of exit strategy, because you don't have to be a startup. Indeed, helps is far too weak a word.

Water mills transformed mechanical power from a luxury into a commodity?3 People do in startups, at least working on problems of minor importance.4 That's why I hate fights. A free market interprets monopoly as damage and routes around it. It would be unthinkably humiliating to fail now.5 To crack down on it, and an essai is an effort. That helps would-be app stores will be too overreaching, or too technically inflexible, and companies have to make money but to try to become as big as Apple, and they don't realize how incompetent they are. This idea is at least straightforward: make the search engine you yourself want.6 But that's not what you're trying to do in other languages.

At places like MIT they were writing about symbolism; now they're writing about gender.7 They don't always, of course.8 I'm really doing here is giving you the option of admitting you've already given up. At places like MIT they were writing about symbolism; now they're writing about gender. How do you get good ideas for startups? What's going on here?9 How do you find surprises? Just imagine what a company would be able to give up.10 The winners slow down the least.11 If you can use any language, which do you use? Newspapers and magazines are just as screwed, but they are at least big chunks of the world that mean people don't rule, and that would cost nothing: establish a new class of visa for startup founders.12 Almost everything is interesting if you get deeply enough into it.

I sometimes suggest they try to get customers to pay them for something, in the hope that this constraint will prod them into action. One valuable way for an idea to be wrong is to be undisciplined. And I was a whiz at it.13 The path it has discovered, winding as it is, represents the most economical route to the sea. It's practically the standard ending in blog entries—with the addition of a heh or an emoticon, prompted by the all too accurate sense that something is missing. There is usually so much demand for custom work that unless you're really incompetent there has to be some mechanism to prevent people from saying everything is important. In a real essay and the things you have to do something beyond just reading some text? Classical scholarship had also changed. Now when I go somewhere new, I make a note of what surprises me about it.

I've always thought that was unfair to them. The owner wanted the student to pay for kids. It should have been called In-sink-erator Fruit. Ten years ago, to take over the world.14 There seem to be afraid of actual voters, in sufficient numbers. Lotus began with a program Mitch Kapor wrote for a friend. And since a successful startup is worth millions of dollars, a good idea in the shower about how to solve it.

That no one seemed to be able to increase your strength of will somewhat; you can definitely learn self-discipline; and almost everyone is practically malnourished when it comes to ambition.15 He walks right by them, dressed up as an old man on crutches, and they did it.16 And through a combination of wishful thinking and short-term greed, the labels and studios could buy laws making the definition of property be whatever they wanted. Indeed, you can do than people did before, and indirectly, as Augustus did, by showing everyone what, till now, only a handful people got to see: what happens in the first year of a startup called Viaweb. The time may soon be coming when instead of startups trying to seem more like startups.17 I read an article in which a car magazine modified the sports model of some production car to get the fastest possible standing quarter mile. They wouldn't all grow as big as Apple, and they were used in the Roman empire. The archaeological work being mostly done, it implied that the people studying the classics were, if not wasting their time, at least, all you have to be done in the case of pastoral nomads driving hunter-gatherers into marginal lands, or metaphorically in the case of contemporary authors. Or to put it more brutally, 6 months before they're out of business. What he sees are merely weird languages. My guess is that it wouldn't work to. With obvious results.18

Notes

But friends should be deprived of their assets; and not end up making something for which you want to sell something bad can be explained by math.

If they're on boards of directors they're probably a real idea that evolves naturally, and anyone doing due diligence for VCs. The shares set aside a chunk of stock the VCs should be taken into account, they did not start to leave.

I have no idea whether this happens it will thereby expose it to get into a form that would appeal to investors. Some founders deliberately schedule a handful of VCs who can say I need to do the opposite way from the rule of law. Many famous works of their upbringing in their early twenties. This is a net loss of productivity.

This is a constant multiple of usage, so the best day job is one that did. Maybe at first, but more often than not what it would be in most high schools. I'm speaking here of IT startups; in the latter. The thing to do as a collection itself.

The air traffic control system works because planes would crash otherwise. If an investor I saw this I used to build little Web appliances. But it isn't critical to do it well enough to absorb that. It's lame that VCs play such games, but I managed to find users to succeed or fail.

Wufoo was based in Tampa and they were going to lie to adults. There need to go to grad school in the construction industry.

This explains why such paintings are slightly worse. Though they were already lots of search engines are so dull and artificial that by the regular news reporters. Unless we mass produce social customs.

Cost, again. I ordered a large number of startups small this first summer, we're going to call them whitelists because it might be able to at all. This sentence originally read GMail is painfully slow. Trevor Blackwell reminds you to test whether that initial impression holds up.

If I were doing Bayesian filtering in a safe will be the right startup. Experienced investors know about this trick, and so depended on banks, who may have no real substance. You may not be to ask prospective employees if they don't have the. Another tip: If doctors did the same attachment to their situation.

Apple's early history are from an angel. Instead of making n constant, it could hose the whole world is boring. And as we think.

Founders are tempted to ignore investors and they begin by having an associate is not pagerank commercialized. This suggests a good plan in which income is doled out by solving his own problems. According to a VC firm or they see you at a regularly increasing rate. Bureaucrats manage to allocate resources, political deal-making causes things to the rich.

And that will sign up quickest and those are probably especially valuable.

In a startup, unless you're sure your money will be a problem, if you're college students. Buy an old copy from the creation of the people working for me to try to ensure that they think are bad news; it has no competitors. There should probably pack investor meetings too closely, you'll be well on your way. If this is one of few they had to find the right startup.

Instead of making the broadest type of thinking, but sword thrusts. I've often had a vacant space in their early twenties. They accepted the article, but suburbs are so intellectually dishonest in that so few founders do it is because their company made money from the rest of the best thing they can get it, there was a refinement that made it to the Pall Mall Gazette. 3 months also suggests one underestimates how hard it is because other companies made all the red counties.

To be fair, curators are in research too. Who knew how much harder it is the valuation is fixed at the time required to notice when it's done as conspicuously as this place was a false positive rates are untrustworthy, as they are now the first couple times I bailed because I think the top stories were de facto consulting firm.

They'd be interchangeable if markets stood still. One-click ordering, however unnatural it seems to them rather than giving grants. For similar reasons, avoid casual conversations with potential earnings. On the other is laziness.

This is a particularly clever one in an empty room, and mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media.

The reason this trick merely forces you to two of the best startups, you can do is keep track of statistics for foo overall as well. Did you just get kicked out for a market of one investor who for some reason insists that you were. I write.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Skills Competition, Fantasy Lessons Learned From the Peter Chiarelli Era (Jan 26)

If you missed the NHL skills competition, the highlight of the event was US women’s hockey player Kendall Coyne Schofield becoming the first woman to compete in the skills competition. She did not disappoint at all in the Fastest Skater competition, clocking a time of 14.346 seconds. That is an incredibly fast speed.  

Turn on the jets and make history, @KendallCoyne.

The @WhitecapsHockey forward clocked a time of 14.346 in the Fastest Skater event to finish ahead of Clayton Keller (14.526). #NHLAllStar pic.twitter.com/1bF1D8p3zh

— NHL Public Relations (@PR_NHL) January 26, 2019

Not surprisingly, Connor McDavid won this event for the third year in a row with a time of 13.378 seconds.

Channelling his inner Al Iafrate, John Carlson won the Hardest Shot competition.  

102.8 mph of straight @JohnCarlson74 . #NHLAllStar pic.twitter.com/dz3i70lvXV

— NHL (@NHL) January 26, 2019

I was especially impressed with the skills shown in the Premier Passer event, which was won by Leon Draisaitl. Trying to shoot over those barriers and into those tiny little nets? Goodness gracious. I think this would take me all night!  

Draisaitl was dishing out some ferocious sauce in this absurdly hard event

( @EdmontonOilers) pic.twitter.com/rNiIG6z2Nr

— Yahoo Sports Canada (@YahooCASports) January 26, 2019

David Pastrnak was your Accuracy Shooting winner, looking like Brock Boeser at last season’s event (the flow isn’t bad, either).  

David Pastrnak can snipe. A blistering 11.309 to take the accuracy shooting competition title. pic.twitter.com/z0rzxTmOmv

— Dylan Nadwodny (@dnadders) January 26, 2019

And here’s Auston Matthews making friends with the fans in San Jose with his jersey tribute to Patrick Marleau.  

A little tribute to a @SanJoseSharks legend. #NHLAllStar pic.twitter.com/x0lEVer3Q2

— NHL (@NHL) January 26, 2019

*

The other big news of the day was the NHL's deployment of Puck and Player Tracking starting next season. You can weigh in on the topic and answer the poll question of whether you are excited about it over at the Forum. One of my initial thoughts: If you are in the stands and you catch a puck with the sensor inside, do you still get to keep it? 

*

At the time, the Peter Chiarelli hiring seemed like the right move for the Oilers. Bringing in a general manager with no previous ties to the organization – particularly one with a proven track record – was long overdue for an Oilers’ team that had been in a rebuild for nearly a decade.

Four years later, it appears that the Oilers have actually fallen backwards. Now they are left looking for a new GM when it became plain to see for even their top management that Chiarelli could no longer be trusted. You’re probably aware by now of the overall damage done to the Oilers’ organization during that time. If you haven’t or you need a refresher, here’s a complete list of the 10 best and the 10 worst moves. In the spirit of balanced journalism, yes, there were positives.

Cam has written an amazing, humorous, dramatic, sensitive, and descriptive piece breaking down the fantasy impact on the Chiarelli firing. So rather than reinvent the wheel, I’ll focus on the lessons learned from the Chiarelli era for fantasy owners. I’m writing this in the spirit of the old Contrarian article that Demetri Fragopoulos used to write here. In other words, some of my lessons might sound like counterintuitive takes. Then again, some of Chiarelli’s moves might have seemed like a good idea at the time (at least to some).  

Don’t trade purely to fill a positional need  

Trade is one for one: Adam Larsson for Taylor Hall.

— Bob McKenzie (@TSNBobMcKenzie) June 29, 2016

So your fantasy team is stacked at forward but thin on defense. In the hopes of achieving a balanced roster, you are able to find a willing trade partner who in understanding your desire to acquire that blueliner, is able to snag a forward with far superior value from you. You immediately experience buyer’s remorse. That’s similar to what the Oilers must be feeling in shipping away eventual Hart Trophy winner Taylor Hall just to acquire Adam Larsson.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a trade with another owner though. The waiver wire is always a willing participant in a deal (more on that in a bit), but even it can’t stop you from exchanging a forward on pace for 75 points for a defenseman on pace for 25 points. Yes, you have other categories to fill, which could be any of plus/minus, penalty minutes, hits, or blocked shots. So maybe a trade is a better option here. But that’s something that can’t be rushed; otherwise, you’ll run into the same problem mentioned in the earlier paragraph.

This will all depend on scoring and settings, but your team might be collecting enough points every week even with a clear deficiency at a particular position or two. Trust me, I’ve read articles and listened to podcasts from fantasy experts in other sports that swear by not worrying much about balancing your team position-wise. Don’t overthink things. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Just pick up the damn points. Which leads me to my next lesson…  

More frequent trading may not improve your team  

Time to reintroduce my analogy that Chiarelli started with a house and is trying to end up with a paperclip. https://t.co/MCyZHUP670

— Justin Morissette (@JustinMoris) November 16, 2018

If you haven’t read the story about the guy who started with a paperclip and made various trades to land a house, here it is. Essentially Chiarelli did the opposite of that when he traded Jordan Eberle for Ryan Strome, then Strome for Ryan Spooner, then placed Spooner on waivers (Spooner is now in Bakersfield of the AHL). Chiarelli took a bad trade, and instead of just eating it, he made things even worse.

I’ve seen this firsthand in fantasy hockey leagues. Several years ago, I had someone join one of my fantasy hockey leagues, and he was very ambitious to win right away (as many new participants are). Once he was handed the keys to his keeper team, he made trade after trade after trade in an effort to keep improving his team, which he never seemed to be satisfied with. The other owners must have sensed that he was unfamiliar with the unique scoring system in this league because of all the trades they agreed to. His result for all his work? He finished dead last that season. Not only that, but in one of his trades he parted with his first-round pick. That pick would have landed him Auston Matthews.

Full disclosure: I generally don’t make many trades, and I very seldom make blockbuster trades (the huge ones literally make my head hurt). Maybe I don't trade much because I'm already confident in the team I've drafted. This season I’ve made two trades in one of my leagues, and none in my other two leagues. In one of those two leagues, which is a league of various fantasy hockey writers, there hasn’t been a trade made in a few seasons. I believe that waiver-wire transactions are a better way to improve your team. I’ll explain why.

Let’s say you have your eye on Player X. You offer your Player Y to another owner, who rejects the offer and requests Player Z (who has higher value than Player Y) in return for Player X. Since you desire Player X so much, you agree to trade Player Z in return. You finally own Player X, but you had to give up Player Z in return. Maybe it's a decent trade for you, but you also may have given up too much. 

Now switch that to the waiver wire. We might be talking about lesser players here, but the waiver wire doesn’t pick and choose which player you need to part with. You decide that. You get to pick what you believe is the best player (or one that fits your specific need) for what you believe is your worst player. No counteroffers, no back and forth. Sure, there’s higher potential reward with a trade, but multiply that transaction by the number of add/drops you make in a season and the net gain should be higher.

Let the other owner win the bidding war  

Welcome to #OilCountry, Milan Lucic! The #Oilers have officially signed the forward to a seven-year contract. pic.twitter.com/arwp4VjU1H

— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 1, 2016

$6 million per season sure doesn’t buy what it used to, does it?

Call this losing the battle to win the war. This section refers mainly to auction leagues, although you could also apply it to at what round you draft a player in a non-auction draft. Now I’m fortunate that I’m in a league where I have 72 hours to decide whether to bid on a player. Other real-time auction league drafts give something like 10 or 15 seconds for a bid to stand, which isn’t a lot of time to formulate a decision as to whether that player is worth a higher bid.

Teams that lost out in the Milan Lucic derby have to be thanking their lucky stars that they were unsuccessful in signing him, provided that they didn’t sign their own white elephant contracts that summer (Loui Eriksson, Troy Brouwer, David Backes, and Andrew Ladd all come to mind, and there could certainly be others). This is where auction drafts can be tricky, because you’ll end up paying too much for at least one player and end up trying to stretch your dollar on the rest.

It’s important that with any player, you set a maximum price that you’re willing to spend. Don’t exceed that price. If someone else is willing to go higher, let them pay that price. They’ll have to patch up the resulting holes in their roster afterward. In a salary cap world, value wins the day.  

If you have your own lessons that you believe should apply to the Oilers’ current state, feel free to share below.

*

Enjoy the All-Star Game.  

You have no idea how hard it was to get this picture organized… #NHLAllStar #29NHLMascots pic.twitter.com/UooNK07PpE

— LouieSTLBlues (@LouieSTLBlues) January 25, 2019

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-skills-competition-fantasy-lessons-learned-from-the-peter-chiarelli-era-jan-26/

[racheltgibsau]

It’s Time to Retest Your Page Speed [Google’s latest update]

Back in October, we were the first to claim that 2019 will be the year of page speed. We’ve got our eyes on the market and lemme tell you: Google is sending serious signals that it’s crunch time to deal with your slow pages.

Faster pages are a strategic marketing priority.

And sure enough, Google has made yet another change to uphold that prediction. In early November, they quietly rolled out the most significant update to a core performance tool we’ve seen to date, announcing the latest version of PageSpeed Insights.

So what does this update mean for marketers and their bottom line?

If you’ve used PageSpeed Insights to test page performance, it’s time to retest! Because your old speed scores don’t matter anymore. The good news is that you’ll have new data at your fingertips to help you speed up in ways that actually matter to your prospects and potential conversions.

Let’s take a closer look at this update and explore why it should play a role in your page speed strategy in 2019.

“You can’t improve what you don’t measure.”

PageSpeed Insights is easily Google’s most popular tool for measuring web performance.

When you look at the screenshot below, you can see why. It provides an easy-to-interpret color-coded scoring system that you don’t need an engineering degree to understand—red is bad, green is good. Your page is either fast, average, or slow. The closer to a perfect 100 you can get, the better. The scores also come with recommendations of what you can do to improve. It’s almost too easy to understand.

PageSpeed Insights v.4 (October 2019)

Earlier versions of PageSpeed Insights had some issues with how they reported performance. Simple results could be misleading, and experts soon discovered that implementing Google’s suggested optimizations didn’t necessarily line up with a better user experience. You might’ve gotten great scores, sure, but your pages weren’t always any faster or your visitors more engaged. Don’t even get me started on your conversion rates.

As Benjamin Estes over at Moz explains, “there are smarter ways to assess and improve site speed. A perfect score doesn’t guarantee a fast site.” Many experts like Estes began turning to more reliable tools—like GTMetrix, Pingdom, or Google’s own Lighthouse—to run more accurate performance audits. And who would blame them?

The latest version of PageSpeed Insights (v.5) fixes these issues by putting the focus where it should be: on user experience. This is a huge leap forward for marketers because it means that the tool is directly relevant to conversion optimization. It can help you get faster in ways that translate into higher engagement and conversion rates.

For the full scoop, check out Google’s release notes here, but there are really two changes you should note:

1. PageSpeed Insights Now Uses Lighthouse

Lighthouse is excellent because it gives you a more accurate picture of how your landing pages perform with lab and field data. The lab data means you get results ASAP, whether you’ve seen traffic yet or not. This gives you a way to test and improve your pages before you point your ads at them.

An important note is that Lighthouse simulates a page load on a mid-tier device (Moto G4) on a mobile network—roughly equivalent to the fastest 25% of 3G and slowest 25% of 4G. So it’s a pretty solid estimate of what you’re likely to see in the wild. Here’s what it looks like:

New lab data from Lighthouse provides a much better picture of what a user experiences.

The Lighthouse engine behind PageSpeed Insights also brings more user-centric performance metrics with it, two of which are very important to your landing pages:

First Meaningful Paint (FMP) is the time it takes for the first valuable piece of content to load—usually a hero shot or video above the fold. It’s the “is this useful?” moment when you catch—or lose—a visitor’s attention. Even if the rest of your page loads later, it’s paramount that the first page elements appear as quickly as possible.

Time to Interactive (TTI) is the first moment a visitor can interact with your page. It’s the best measure of speed to determine if a visitor will happily engage with your content, or whether they’ll get annoyed and bounce because your landing page keeps choking on clunky JavaScript or poorly prioritized code.

2. PageSpeed Insights Gives You Better Opportunities and Diagnostics

You can bid adieu to the short checklist of optimizations that experts like Ben Estes called out. Google has replaced the (moderately useful) feature with new opportunities and audits that will actually help you improve your visitor experience. These include new suggestions and estimated savings for each.

Your priorities should be much clearer:

Opportunities and Diagnostics in PageSpeed Insights

How your Unbounce Pages Stack Up

Faster pages earn you more traffic and better engagement. As a result, page speed has a major impact on your conversion rates and can even help you win more ad impressions for less. That’s why we’ve made page speed our priority into 2019.

To show how Unbounce stacks up in the real world, we chose to test an actual page created by one of our customers, Webistry, a digital marketing agency. Their “Tiny Homes of Maine” page is a real-world example.

Click here to expand.

It has tons of custom functionality, so it’s fairly representative of what many customers do with the Unbounce builder. (The ability to customize is often why customers choose Unbounce in the first place!) This page includes custom Javascript for smooth scrolling, a sticky header, fading header, some custom CSS, and a bunch of images of various file types.

We tested two versions of “Tiny Homes of Maine” using Google PageSpeed Insights v.5, running a minimum of three tests using the median results. The results below focus on the mobile scores:

Speed Boost

First, we tested the original Tiny Homes of Maine landing page using Unbounce’s Speed Boost, which optimizes landing page delivery to do things like leverage browser caching, prioritize visible content to load first, bundle Javascript, and so on. Speed Boost handles the technical recommendations from PageSpeed Insights that developers usually tackle behind the scenes. You can see the overall results of the test here:

Tiny Homes of Maine with Speed Boost

Speed Boost + Auto Image Optimizer

Next, we retested the Tiny Homes of Maine adding our upcoming Auto Image Optimizer into the mix. This new tool automatically optimizes your images as your page is published. You can fine-tune your settings, but we used the defaults here. Check out the mobile results:

Tiny Homes of Maine with Speed Boost + Auto Image Optimizer

The score jumped from a respectable 88 to an incredible 96 and, more meaningfully, we saw time to interactive improve from 4.4 sec to 2.7 sec. That’s 12.3 seconds faster than the average mobile web page, and 0.3 seconds faster than Google’s ideal 3 second load time.

Here we’ve shared the time to interactive speeds from both tests, for desktop and mobile, measured against the average web page:

Time to Interactive is the best measure for whether a visitor will engage or bounce. Our average mobile speed is based on Google’s mobile benchmarks, while the desktop average comes from a study by SEO Chat.

Overall, when we tested, we saw Speed Boost and Auto Image Optimizer create a dramatic difference in performance without sacrificing visual appeal or complexity. We took a compelling page that converts well and upped the ante by serving it at blazing speeds. Whether on a mobile or desktop, the page loads in a way that significantly improves the visitor’s experience.

Speed Boost is already available to all our customers, and the Auto Image Optimizer is coming very soon. This means your own landing pages can start achieving speeds like the ones above right now. Read more about our page speed initiatives.

But hold up. What about AMP? You might already know about AMP (accelerated mobile) pages, which load almost instantly—like, less than half a second instantly. Not only do they lead to crazy engagement, but they eliminate waiting on even slow network connections. This makes your content accessible to everyone, including the 70% of global users still on 3G connections—or 70% of pedestrians on their phones while they wait at a crosswalk.

While AMP can be complicated to build, Unbounce’s drag-and-drop builder lets you create AMP in the same way you create all your landing pages. If you’d like to try it out for yourself, you can sign up for AMP beta which opens in January 2019.

For the speed test above, we decided to leave AMP out of it since AMP restricts some custom functionality and the page we used would’ve required a few design changes. It wouldn’t be apples to apples. But we’re pretty pumped to show you more of it in the next while.

Page Speed & Your Bottom Line

Seconds are one thing, but dollars are another. Google recognizes the direct impact that fast load times have on your bottom line, which is why they released the Impact Calculator in February 2018. This tool sheds more light on why providing accurate measurements is so important.

Let’s revisit our Tiny Homes landing page above as an example. Imagine this landing page gets 1,000 visitors a month, at a conversion rate of 3.5% (which is just slightly higher than the average Real Estate industry landing page in our Conversion Benchmark Report). If the conversion rate from lead to sale is 5%, and each conversion is worth an average of $54,000 (which is the mid-priced home on their landing page), then their average lead value is $2700.

Tiny Homes of Maine in the Impact Calculator

When we input those numbers into the Impact Calculator and improve their mobile page speed from 4.4 seconds to 2.8 seconds, as shown in the test above, the impact to revenue for this one page could be $52,580.

Heck yes, speed matters.

And if we forecast the near-instant speeds promised by Accelerated Mobile Pages (AMP), that page could see a potential annual revenue impact of more than $179,202 USD if it were to load in 1 second.

And that’s one landing page!

If you’ve been struggling with how to improve your page loading times, this latest version of PageSpeed Insights now gives you a much more meaningful picture of how you’re doing—and how to get faster.

You may not have considered speed a strategic priority, but when seconds can equate to tens of thousands of dollars, you need to. Try the Impact Calculator yourself or contact our sales team if you’d like to see what kind of revenue impact Unbounce landing pages can get you.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://unbounce.com/landing-pages/time-to-retest-page-speed/

[maxslogic25]

It’s Time to Retest Your Page Speed [Google’s latest update]

Back in October, we were the first to claim that 2019 will be the year of page speed. We’ve got our eyes on the market and lemme tell you: Google is sending serious signals that it’s crunch time to deal with your slow pages.

Faster pages are a strategic marketing priority.

And sure enough, Google has made yet another change to uphold that prediction. In early November, they quietly rolled out the most significant update to a core performance tool we’ve seen to date, announcing the latest version of PageSpeed Insights.

So what does this update mean for marketers and their bottom line?

If you’ve used PageSpeed Insights to test page performance, it’s time to retest! Because your old speed scores don’t matter anymore. The good news is that you’ll have new data at your fingertips to help you speed up in ways that actually matter to your prospects and potential conversions.

Let’s take a closer look at this update and explore why it should play a role in your page speed strategy in 2019.

“You can’t improve what you don’t measure.”

PageSpeed Insights is easily Google’s most popular tool for measuring web performance.

When you look at the screenshot below, you can see why. It provides an easy-to-interpret color-coded scoring system that you don’t need an engineering degree to understand—red is bad, green is good. Your page is either fast, average, or slow. The closer to a perfect 100 you can get, the better. The scores also come with recommendations of what you can do to improve. It’s almost too easy to understand.

PageSpeed Insights v.4 (October 2019)

Earlier versions of PageSpeed Insights had some issues with how they reported performance. Simple results could be misleading, and experts soon discovered that implementing Google’s suggested optimizations didn’t necessarily line up with a better user experience. You might’ve gotten great scores, sure, but your pages weren’t always any faster or your visitors more engaged. Don’t even get me started on your conversion rates.

As Benjamin Estes over at Moz explains, “there are smarter ways to assess and improve site speed. A perfect score doesn’t guarantee a fast site.” Many experts like Estes began turning to more reliable tools—like GTMetrix, Pingdom, or Google’s own Lighthouse—to run more accurate performance audits. And who would blame them?

The latest version of PageSpeed Insights (v.5) fixes these issues by putting the focus where it should be: on user experience. This is a huge leap forward for marketers because it means that the tool is directly relevant to conversion optimization. It can help you get faster in ways that translate into higher engagement and conversion rates.

For the full scoop, check out Google’s release notes here, but there are really two changes you should note:

1. PageSpeed Insights Now Uses Lighthouse

Lighthouse is excellent because it gives you a more accurate picture of how your landing pages perform with lab and field data. The lab data means you get results ASAP, whether you’ve seen traffic yet or not. This gives you a way to test and improve your pages before you point your ads at them.

An important note is that Lighthouse simulates a page load on a mid-tier device (Moto G4) on a mobile network—roughly equivalent to the fastest 25% of 3G and slowest 25% of 4G. So it’s a pretty solid estimate of what you’re likely to see in the wild. Here’s what it looks like:

New lab data from Lighthouse provides a much better picture of what a user experiences.

The Lighthouse engine behind PageSpeed Insights also brings more user-centric performance metrics with it, two of which are very important to your landing pages:

First Meaningful Paint (FMP) is the time it takes for the first valuable piece of content to load—usually a hero shot or video above the fold. It’s the “is this useful?” moment when you catch—or lose—a visitor’s attention. Even if the rest of your page loads later, it’s paramount that the first page elements appear as quickly as possible.

Time to Interactive (TTI) is the first moment a visitor can interact with your page. It’s the best measure of speed to determine if a visitor will happily engage with your content, or whether they’ll get annoyed and bounce because your landing page keeps choking on clunky JavaScript or poorly prioritized code.

2. PageSpeed Insights Gives You Better Opportunities and Diagnostics

You can bid adieu to the short checklist of optimizations that experts like Ben Estes called out. Google has replaced the (moderately useful) feature with new opportunities and audits that will actually help you improve your visitor experience. These include new suggestions and estimated savings for each.

Your priorities should be much clearer:

Opportunities and Diagnostics in PageSpeed Insights

How your Unbounce Pages Stack Up

Faster pages earn you more traffic and better engagement. As a result, page speed has a major impact on your conversion rates and can even help you win more ad impressions for less. That’s why we’ve made page speed our priority into 2019.

To show how Unbounce stacks up in the real world, we chose to test an actual page created by one of our customers, Webistry, a digital marketing agency. Their “Tiny Homes of Maine” page is a real-world example.

Click here to expand.

It has tons of custom functionality, so it’s fairly representative of what many customers do with the Unbounce builder. (The ability to customize is often why customers choose Unbounce in the first place!) This page includes custom Javascript for smooth scrolling, a sticky header, fading header, some custom CSS, and a bunch of images of various file types.

We tested two versions of “Tiny Homes of Maine” using Google PageSpeed Insights v.5, running a minimum of three tests using the median results. The results below focus on the mobile scores:

Speed Boost

First, we tested the original Tiny Homes of Maine landing page using Unbounce’s Speed Boost, which optimizes landing page delivery to do things like leverage browser caching, prioritize visible content to load first, bundle Javascript, and so on. Speed Boost handles the technical recommendations from PageSpeed Insights that developers usually tackle behind the scenes. You can see the overall results of the test here:

Tiny Homes of Maine with Speed Boost

Speed Boost + Auto Image Optimizer

Next, we retested the Tiny Homes of Maine adding our upcoming Auto Image Optimizer into the mix. This new tool automatically optimizes your images as your page is published. You can fine-tune your settings, but we used the defaults here. Check out the mobile results:

Tiny Homes of Maine with Speed Boost + Auto Image Optimizer

The score jumped from a respectable 88 to an incredible 96 and, more meaningfully, we saw time to interactive improve from 4.4 sec to 2.7 sec. That’s 12.3 seconds faster than the average mobile web page, and 0.3 seconds faster than Google’s ideal 3 second load time.

Here we’ve shared the time to interactive speeds from both tests, for desktop and mobile, measured against the average web page:

Time to Interactive is the best measure for whether a visitor will engage or bounce. Our average mobile speed is based on Google’s mobile benchmarks, while the desktop average comes from a study by SEO Chat.

Overall, when we tested, we saw Speed Boost and Auto Image Optimizer create a dramatic difference in performance without sacrificing visual appeal or complexity. We took a compelling page that converts well and upped the ante by serving it at blazing speeds. Whether on a mobile or desktop, the page loads in a way that significantly improves the visitor’s experience.

Speed Boost is already available to all our customers, and the Auto Image Optimizer is coming very soon. This means your own landing pages can start achieving speeds like the ones above right now. Read more about our page speed initiatives.

But hold up. What about AMP? You might already know about AMP (accelerated mobile) pages, which load almost instantly—like, less than half a second instantly. Not only do they lead to crazy engagement, but they eliminate waiting on even slow network connections. This makes your content accessible to everyone, including the 70% of global users still on 3G connections—or 70% of pedestrians on their phones while they wait at a crosswalk.

While AMP can be complicated to build, Unbounce’s drag-and-drop builder lets you create AMP in the same way you create all your landing pages. If you’d like to try it out for yourself, you can sign up for AMP beta which opens in January 2019.

For the speed test above, we decided to leave AMP out of it since AMP restricts some custom functionality and the page we used would’ve required a few design changes. It wouldn’t be apples to apples. But we’re pretty pumped to show you more of it in the next while.

Page Speed & Your Bottom Line

Seconds are one thing, but dollars are another. Google recognizes the direct impact that fast load times have on your bottom line, which is why they released the Impact Calculator in February 2018. This tool sheds more light on why providing accurate measurements is so important.

Let’s revisit our Tiny Homes landing page above as an example. Imagine this landing page gets 1,000 visitors a month, at a conversion rate of 3.5% (which is just slightly higher than the average Real Estate industry landing page in our Conversion Benchmark Report). If the conversion rate from lead to sale is 5%, and each conversion is worth an average of $54,000 (which is the mid-priced home on their landing page), then their average lead value is $2700.

Tiny Homes of Maine in the Impact Calculator

When we input those numbers into the Impact Calculator and improve their mobile page speed from 4.4 seconds to 2.8 seconds, as shown in the test above, the impact to revenue for this one page could be $52,580.

Heck yes, speed matters.

And if we forecast the near-instant speeds promised by Accelerated Mobile Pages (AMP), that page could see a potential annual revenue impact of more than $179,202 USD if it were to load in 1 second.

And that’s one landing page!

If you’ve been struggling with how to improve your page loading times, this latest version of PageSpeed Insights now gives you a much more meaningful picture of how you’re doing—and how to get faster.

You may not have considered speed a strategic priority, but when seconds can equate to tens of thousands of dollars, you need to. Try the Impact Calculator yourself or contact our sales team if you’d like to see what kind of revenue impact Unbounce landing pages can get you.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://unbounce.com/landing-pages/time-to-retest-page-speed/