#You deserve peace and security

[clownsuu]

Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold

[nerdish-nostalgia-revived]

Three Act Tragedy - Dress Rehearsal

Egg, Charles and the others attend what was supposed to be a dress rehearsal, but unfortunately it takes a dark turn....

[ziracona]

Go fucking apeshit every time a DA player is like “Yeah I agree Mages should be free, but he doesn’t have to TALK about it all the time” - oh, yeah god forbid the member of an oppressed minority who lives in the very real fear of being imprisoned, lobotomized and enslaved, or killed, every second of every day just because he exists, deign to talk about it much. Gee I wonder why the fact he could be legally locked up or killed by the established power structure at any second for having been born what he is might be on his mind every single day. So annoying he gives a shit what happens to other members of his minority community even when he’s slightly safer for the moment personally, and is committed to drawing attention to their plight and making things better through direct action!! Bet you guys are a real peach towards the minority folks in your real lives. Such understanding for why things matter to people they effect constantly on a life or death level when it doesn’t apply personally to you.

[girlfictions]

something i’ve been thinking about lately is like. growing up muslim right after 9/11 is something i’d never really reflected on much because it was all i’d ever known — at 5, my friend’s mum didn’t let her invite me to her birthday party because i was the only brown girl in our class, at 12, my classmates would joke about my family being part of isis, at 16, my dad was interrogated by american airport security for hours — and it always stung and it always hurt but it was just the way things were because the western world hated muslims. but i don’t think i’ve ever fully comprehended the extent to which we were hated until now.

palestine is being turned into a mass graveyard. every single day there are new photos of the atrocities being carried out against them and videos of them pleading for help and still those who can actually intervene turn a blind eye. israel is claiming to only be targeting hamas “terrorists” while bombing a refugee camp. israeli police raided and assaulted a non-zionist jewish neighbourhood. israeli soldiers are posting tiktoks of them torturing captured palestinians. this is not a complicated issue and it never has been. ethnic cleansing is being committed right in front of us. and yet the western world leaders refuse to call for a ceasefire.

and while zionist organisations accuse pro-palestine demonstrations of anti-semitism, while zionist celebrities insist that they’re afraid to leave their mansions in los angeles, a six year old muslim boy was stabbed to death and his mother wounded in the same attack in chicago. a muslim doctor was murdered while sitting outside her apartment complex in texas. hundreds of peaceful protesters have been arrested (many of whom have been jewish). despite what zionists want you to believe, this is not a jewish/muslim conflict. i have so much love and gratitude to my brave jewish brothers and sisters all over the world who are condemning israel for their actions.

ultimately, israel have been granted impunity by the west. they have slaughtered thousands upon thousands of innocent palestinians. they have bombed hospitals and schools indiscriminately. they have used white phosphorus, violating the geneva convention. they have completely eradicated nearly 900 bloodlines. how many more need to be wiped out? how many more children need to be buried underneath the rubble? how many more doctors need to be confronted with the bodies of their own family members? how many more journalists need to detail the horrific acts of violence they are witnessing? what more can be done to the palestinian people that has not been done already?

i truly believe that palestine will be free one day. i believe the palestinian people will receive the justice they finally deserve. but what breaks my heart is how much they have suffered and will continue to suffer before they are deemed worthy of help. and it would be to all of our detriment if we ignored how much of a factor palestine being a predominantly muslim state has played into the way the world has reacted to their genocide.

[artjiayi]

I was drawing my illustration for Azul's birthday and I suddenly felt the urge to draw a laid-back Azul because I just wanted him to feel totally secure and peaceful in his environment. Behind this all evil controlling mafia boss, there must be a soft Azul well hidden 🥺

I just imagine Azul sitting on a couch and crossing his legs in a very relaxed way because I noticed he usually crosses them in a "formal" way. Of course he cannot resist reading one of his last contracts and he's holding his favorite coin. I assumed these are items that make him feel in his comfort zone. Ok the open shirt and the loose straps I added them for the pleasure of the eyes. Evil Azul as well...

As he seems to control every aspect of his life in order to look impeccable mostly in front of people around him, I just assume this must be an exhausting lifestyle to keep up on long term.

Through this illustration, I just wanted to express that performing and being at the top all the time is mentally exhausting (and yes I might be referring a bit to myself as well…) and enjoying life just the way it is without planning or controlling everything is also important for your mental health. Anyway, I am going very deep in the meaning of this drawing but as weird as it might sound, it made me feel better drawing Azul with all this in mind. These are quite the things I’ve been dealing with lately and I needed to share it.

Another version of Azul with a different gradient map I like and a small animation I created with Azul feeling a bit alone after an exhausting week:

Through this animation, I assume Azul might have his moments where he can relax a bit more but would do it hidden from the others even the twins. So what’s better than your own Tsum appearing and giving you the love you deserve. Yes Azul, you’re enough as you are without performing all the time you precious baby boy.

[ezukll]

⚷ CHIRON SIGN OBSERVATIONS

CHIRON IN ARIES ♈︎

Chiron in Aries is a placement that can indicate a strong need for personal power and control. With this placement, you may have an aggressive or assertive nature as a consequence of past wounds or struggles you have overcome. You may have a tendency to try too hard, or feel extremely emotional and reactive to obstacles or setbacks. You may also have a strong desire to constantly prove yourself and to be in control or to be the best and the strongest. This placement can also indicate a strong desire to protect and stand up for yourself and others.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Finding healthy outlets for your anger and emotions, such as an exercise or a hobby.

* Practicing meditation and mindfulness to help let go of your inner anger and frustration.

* Learning to be kind to yourself and to accept yourself and your past without shame or guilt.

* Practicing empathy and compassion for yourself and others to develop forgiveness and release of the past.

* Working on finding healthy self-expression and being vulnerable to express your feelings and emotions.

CHIRON IN TAURUS ♉︎

Taurus Chiron can indicate an inability to let go or move on from past wounds and pain. With this placement, you may have a deep-seated desire for security and safety, and may also have a tendency to struggle with changes and transitions. You may have a tendency to hold on to the past and feel attached to things that have brought you pain, and find it difficult to let go. This can lead to issues such as anxiety, depression, or fear of change or of new things.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Working on establishing healthy coping mechanisms by identifying your triggers and developing healthier habits.

* Recognizing that you deserve good things and that you have value.

* Working on self-healing techniques by forgiving yourself and others.

* Learning to take care of your own needs and practicing self-love.

* Establishing an understanding and awareness of your triggers and patterns.

* Practicing empathy, compassion, and kindness towards yourself and others.

CHIRON IN GEMINI ♊︎

With Chiron in Gemini, you may have a wound or a trauma that is related to communication or self-expression. You may have difficulty expressing your true thoughts and feelings, or being truly honest and authentic with yourself and others. This can lead to difficulty forming a good and stable sense of identity and can cause issues and tension in your relationships. You may struggle with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a tendency to overthink.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Finding healthy methods to get your voice heard, including writing, speaking, and expressing yourself.

* Developing healthy coping mechanisms to work through stress, anxiety, or anger.

* Practicing empathy, compassion, and being vulnerable with yourself and others.

* Learning self-expression and communication skills.

* Finding new ways to be in touch with your inner voice.

CHIRON IN CANCER ♋︎

Cancer Chiron can indicate a deep wound or trauma related to home, family, and feelings of safety and security. You may have a tendency to feel overwhelmed or anxious when you feel unsafe or uncertain, and you may have difficulty setting boundaries and trusting others. This can lead to issues such as codependency, attachment difficulties, and a tendency to put the needs of others above your own. It can also cause difficulty with expressing your inner feelings and communicating openly.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Learning healthy ways of expressing your emotions, communicating, and letting go.

* Practicing self-compassion and empathy.

* Being vulnerable and open with yourself and others.

* Practicing meditation or relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or yoga to help lower anxiety and find inner peace.

* Working on establishing healthy boundaries with yourself and others.

* Learning healthy ways to set and enforce boundaries, as well as practicing self-care and self-acceptance.

CHIRON IN LEO ♌︎

With Chiron in Leo, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to self-image, confidence, and self-worth. You may have underlying feelings of being inferior or inadequate, and you may struggle with self-care and self-acceptance. You may have difficulty expressing or embracing your inner creativity, strength, and confidence. This can lead to issues such as insecurity, self-doubt, and a tendency to seek external validation and approval.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Let go of the need to be in control and the need for praise.

* Developing empathy and compassion and building healthy relationships with others.

* Learning self-acceptance and self-love to foster confidence and inner peace.

* Practicing healthy self-expression and taking time to process your emotions.

* Practicing mindfulness to let go of the past and to be present in the moment.

* Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with kindness.

CHIRON IN VIRGO ♍︎

With a Chiron in Virgo, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to service to others, health, or self-care. You may have an underlying feeling of worthlessness or that you are not good enough, and you may find it difficult to care for yourself or set healthy boundaries. You may also have a tendency to find fault or be overly critical, leading to issues such as anxiety, perfectionism, and a tendency to over-stress and overly-analyze things.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Practicing self-love and self-care.

* Establishing healthy boundaries and learning to say "NO".

* Learning not to feel so responsible for everyone else.

* Practicing relaxation and mindfulness techniques.

* Cultivating self-compassion and self-acceptance.

* Practicing empathy and compassion towards yourself.

* Developing self-value and self-worth.

* Letting go of the past and your wounds and focusing on healing and growth.

CHIRON IN LIBRA ♎︎

With Chiron in Libra, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to the balance between your needs and the needs of others. You may have difficulty setting boundaries and may tend to be very accommodating and self-sacrificing. You may have a strong sense of justice and fairness, which can lead to issues such as codependency and people-pleasing. You may have difficulty expressing your own needs and taking care of yourself. You may also experience a lot of inner conflict between what you need and what you want, and this can potentially lead to issues such as dissatisfaction and frustration.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Being more assertive and expressing your needs and boundaries.

* Practicing self-compassion and self-support.

* Learning to understand how you feel without being influenced by others.

* Developing self-value so that you don't depend on others for your self-worth.

* Doing things that make you happy and allow you to express yourself.

* Creating healthy and supportive relationships with others.

* Practicing empathy and compassion towards yourself and others.

CHIRON IN SCORPIO ♏︎

With Chiron in Scorpio, you may have a deep wound related to trust, intimacy, or betrayal. You may feel a deep fear of abandonment or rejection, which can lead to a deep resistance to opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You may also have a deep fear of being hurt and betrayed. This can cause issues such as mistrust, jealousy, possessiveness, and difficulty letting go. Healing a Chiron in Scorpio can involve learning to develop healthy trust and to let go of the past.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Learning to open up and be vulnerable with yourself and others.

* Practicing trust-building and allowing yourself to accept love and support.

* Learning to let go of the past and accepting your own faults and flaws.

* Practicing healthy communication and conflict resolution.

* Working on developing empathy and understanding towards yourself and others.

* Cultivating compassion and self-compassion.

* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions.

CHIRON IN SAGITTARIUS ♐︎

With a Chiron in Sagittarius, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to self-beliefs or a deep need to seek wisdom and knowledge above all else. You may have a feeling of not fitting in or finding your place in the world. You may have a tendency to doubt or second-guess yourself and may also have a lack of direction. This can lead to issues such as feeling like an outsider, having difficulty believing in yourself, or feeling lost in life. Healing a Chiron in Sagittarius can involve working on developing a sense of purpose and self-identity.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Developing a strong sense of identity and purpose.

* Establishing healthy boundaries with yourself and others.

* Being courageous and ambitious with setting goals or taking risks.

* Practicing self-compassion and self-care.

* Building a healthy self-esteem and self-image.

* Working through any childhood trauma that may be holding you back.

* Developing a strong sense of self-identity and self-worth.

* Learning to feel comfortable being alone and not always feeling a need to be with others or seek out external validation.

CHIRON IN CAPRICORN ♑︎

With a Chiron in Capricorn, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to your sense of responsibility and duty. You may have a tendency to sacrifice your well-being and needs for others, and you may have a deep need to be seen as competent and reliable. This can lead to issues such as burnout, a lack of work-life balance, and a tendency to blame yourself or take on too much responsibility for others. Healing a Chiron in Capricorn can involve learning to set boundaries and to let go of your need to take things personally and to try to fix everything.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions and to express yourself.

* Practicing self-care and self-compassion.

* Developing empathy and understanding for yourself and others.

* Finding a healthy balance in your work and personal life.

* Practicing mindfulness and letting go of the past.

* Cultivating trust in yourself and others.

* Developing a healthy inner self-talk and working on positive thinking.

CHIRON IN AQUARIUS ♒︎

With a Chiron in Aquarius, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to feeling misunderstood or rejected. You may have issues with forming attachments or feeling like you don't really belong anywhere. You may also have a deep fear of being seen or recognized in public, which can lead to social anxiety or a tendency to isolate. Healing a Chiron in Aquarius can involve working on accepting your quirks and differences, and realizing that you don’t need to be accepted or liked by everyone.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Practicing self-acceptance and self-love.

* Learning to accept your uniqueness and differences.

* Finding healthy social groups or communities that make you feel welcome and accepted.

* Practicing healthy communication and interpersonal skills.

* Cultivating healthy relationships with those who make you feel understood.

* Finding healthy outlets for expressing your emotions.

* Practicing boundaries and learning to speak up for yourself.

CHIRON IN PISCES ♓︎

With a Chiron in Pisces, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to your empathy and compassion. You may have a deep empathy and sensitivity towards the suffering of others, which can lead to issues such as codependency, taking on other people's problems or feelings, feeling other people's pain very vividly, and carrying too much of the load alone. Healing a Chiron in Pisces can involve setting healthy boundaries and learning to separate what is yours and yours alone. It can involve not taking on more than you can handle, and instead learning to focus more on yourself and your own needs.

HOW TO HEAL :

* Practicing healthy self-care and self-love.

* Develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

* Practicing healthy boundaries with yourself and with others.

* Learning to say no to others and to let go of your codependency.

* Becoming more secure within yourself and within who you are.

* Developing a sense of self-responsibility and self-reliance.

* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions and express your inner creativity.

[sorcerous-caress]

Early morning cuddling pt.2

[Fluff, wholesome, nb!reader]

[Halsin, Astarion, Shadowheart, Gale]

Part One

Halsin

You'd think that you married a fairytale princess by the amount of small animals you wake up each morning to, cuddling by your side and nuzzling against Halsin's warmth.

Not that he seems to mind. If anything, he seems the happiest sharing his bed with all those willing. His strong arm keeps a hold over you during the night, keeping you close and secure to his chest while he easily falls into a state of meditation. He prefers keeping the window open and listening to the wind outside, swaying of leaves and chipping of bird in the morning.

You did wonder what exactly does he think about during his meditation, and he confessed he replays his favourite memories. Reminding himself of what's worth fighting for in this life.

His palm cupping your face so gently, rough from centuries of tending to plants and magic practice. You can smell the earth embedded in his skin.

Who is worth fighting for.

If you're the type to sleep in during the morning, he happily indulges you as you cuddle closer to him. Resting your head on the rise and fall of his chest.

Letting the drumming of his heartbeat lull you into the land of dreams, just for a short while, maybe five minutes more.

feeling his hand draw circles on your back soothingly. You catch a glimpse of a whispered prayer to the father of nature, Halsin asking him to protect you, keep your soul and heart pure, keep you by his side for as long as this cycle of life allows.

♡

Astarion

You only realise the worth of love after having experienced solitude.

Astarion came to realise how much it meant to have someone just hold you in bed, nothing more, a simple body laying next to him in blissful sleep.

To have someone relish in your company so much, feel safe around him so much that you'd willingly want him to stay by your side while you were the most vulnerable.

It feels strange in his heart, a twing or guilt, even shame.

What did he do to deserve this?

How are you so peaceful next to a vampire? This isn't a camp on some ditch in the backside of Faerun anymore, this is your home that you've willingly and foolishly invited a vampire into.

But maybe he was the biggest fool, for he kept holding you close, fangs tucked away as the smell of blood was the least of his interests at this moment. The living really has a captivating way to steal one's attention.

what dreams do you have?

Each night is like a trance, and before he realises, it ends so suddenly when glowing lines of light just below the thick curtains peak on the floor.

It's morning already, but it felt like a second, he wants to hold you for a lifetime, hug you for a century, kiss you for a decade and whisper your name as if it was his last breath.

He wants so many things, he has so many conflicting emotions. Astarion doesn't want to get attached, you're fleeting, mortal, alive and so loveable.

And he is none of these things, at least not in his views.

But after so much misery, he deserves to steal one good thing from the living, you. It doesn't matter if he has earned it or not, you willingly chose him, loved him.

Embraced him as you woke up, eyes sleepy as nuzzled into him further with no regard to how cold his skin might be in contrast to your warm blanket.

"Darling, you know I'm supposed to be the nocturnal one in this relationship, right? Or did you grow fangs during the night." He voice was laced with an unusual softness, a stranger to his own ears.

You grumbled as he pulled away, chasing after him with adorable slow speed with your hand as you attempted to bring him back.

He's not a sadist.

Okay maybe he is.

But torturing a sleepy you, is becoming one of the highlights of his days. It makes waiting here all night worth it.

♡

Shadowheart

Her eyebrows scrunch into the most adorable glare when she first wakes up. The children of Shar and Selune have never been morning people, present or past.

The tips of her ears slightly twitch as the cold morning reaches her after you manage to steal the blanket in your sleep, wrapping the soft thing around you and leaving her to the mercy of the chilly weather.

Stirred from her sleep, she has a half mind to acknowledge how endearing you look besides her. Peacefully in your slumber and unaware of the crime you've commited, letting your beloved freeze to death in the early morning.

With a sigh, Shadowheart reaches over to untangle tha blanket edge from your iron fist as she squeezes herself inside the makeshift cocoon you've assembled. Instant warmth and comfort greeting her the more she pressed her body onto yours.

Despite how heavenly you feel, sleep has already evaded her grasps. Once she wakes up, she's the type not to fall asleep afterwards. Doesn't help how much of a light sleeper she can be at times.

So she closes her eyes and basks in the moment, fully enjoying the presence. The quietness of the morning where the people haven't woken up yet, the stillness of the air, the slow rhythmic breathing as your chest rises and falls.

She wants to trace your face with her fingers, she wants to admire your eyes, but she doesn't want to wake you up so instead her arms gently hug your body closer to hers.

Safety, comfort and love, things she was taught were a sin to desire, things assumed to make her weaker.

But being weak has never felt so good before, if what she's doing is wrong in the eyes of any god, then she might as well embrace her spot in the hells with your arms as her grave.

♡

Gale

He's changing you slowly, and you're not sure if it's for the better or worse.

What started as you teasing him over his cotton pyjamas with cat paw prints, turned into you wearing a matching one after he bought you one and sweetly coerced you into it.

You look so silly. You can't even deny it as you watch your reflection in the mirror. Watching in real time as your dignity evaporates into thin air while your lover is searching for his reading glasses under the bed by using magic to lift it in the back of the mirror reflection.

Turning around, you feel your lips tugging into a smile as you notice the pair of reading glasses pushed up on his head while Gale is scratching his said head and mumbling about how he just had it close by.

Where could it have possibly went, you wonder.

Calling him over, you watch as he adorable walks over to you with a hopeful look that you've somehow found his glasses like you usually do. As if you were the wizard in this situation who'd make it appear out of thin air rather than the academically acclaimed professor Dekarios in front of you.

Your hand cups his face, and he leans into it without question. Planting a small kiss on his lips, you lower his glasses back onto his face as you pull away. Gale's delighted expression rewards you with a second kiss, calling you his hero.

The two of you fall asleep with a dim light illuminating the room, stray magical star enchantments making the bedroom just bright enough for Gale's midnight reading, or midnight paper grading.

You either learn to tough it out or use that equally silly eyemask that came with your cat pyjamas.

Gale's usually the last one to fall asleep, except on weekends when he's in bed by 9. But since tomorrow, he has to be guiding the future generations of wizards in Faerun, you get his wandering hand playing with your hair or massaging your neck as you drift off to sleep.

By the time morning comes, he's tucked in a blanket by your side. Glasses crooked on his face for he forgot to remove them, again.

Reaching over, you gently take them off of him and set them on the bedside table. Giving his forehead a soft kiss as you check the time and see that you still have a quarter of an hour before he has to get ready to leave for work.

You wrap your arms around him, and he leans into your touch. Even while asleep, his body has complete trust in you, recognising your warmth and letting you cuddle him.

It would've been a very romantic early morning cuddling for the two silly people in embarrassing cat pyjamas, wasn't it for the scratching of paws on the locked door of your bedroom.

The sing-song yelling of Gale's last name following shortly, courtesy to Tara announcing to the whole world how you're a minute late to delivering her morning meal and the carrier pigeons outside are starting to look more and more like grilled chicken wings by the second.

[remcycl333]

your desire is a gift of god 🍁

I was reading “at your command” by neville goddard the other morning, and there was something he was talking about that I really loved. he reminds us that everything you desire, you desire because it’s meant to be yours. you wouldn’t desire something that u couldn’t or shouldn’t have, and when u desire something, it is the gift of god.

here is a part from "at your command" i really loved:

"don't be anxious or concerned as to results. they will follow just as surely as day follows night. look upon your desires--all of them--as the spoken words of God, and every word or desire a promise. the reason most of us fail to realize our desires is because we are constantly conditioning them. do not condition your desire. just accept as it comes to you. give thanks for it to the point that you are grateful for having already received it--then go about your way in peace." -Neville Goddard

whenever you think throughout the day “ugh i want *my desire*” (or something of the sort), don’t get upset or anxious bc you’re in the state of lack or “u messed everything up” etc. the past few days since ive read this, any time I catch myself thinking from lack, I just go “omg thank uuuuu it’s mine yayyy”

like…you desire something bc it’s supposed to be YOURS. your godself is SHOWING YOU what can give you the feeling you desire. like when you desire the feeling of love, your godself will make you desire that specific person bc that’s what will give you the feeling you crave. Or maybe you desire the feeling of security, so your godself gives you the desire of money or being rich. etc!

so when u desire something, that is a GIFT! your godself is showing u the thing that u deserve—the thing that is RIGHTFULLY YOURS!!!! u do not desire something by accident. u desire it bc it’s supposed to be yours!!!

in our society we’ve been taught that we “can’t always get what we want” and “things won’t always go our way” etc but like….no!!!! God is not supposed to WANT for anything like wtf??? if god wants something it’s bc it’s rightfully theirs

when u create literally everything in your reality, there is absolutely nothing in your reality that u don’t deserve. oh so money only exists bc we’re conscious of it existing yet we don’t deserve it??? that big mansion only exists bc we assume it does yet we don’t deserve it??? NO!!!!! (not saying we deserve the bad things in our reality. we just deserve the things we DESIRE)

we’ve been conditioned by the people who haven’t been awoken to the law that life isn’t fair and we don’t deserve anything in this world, but that’s simply not true. we deserve everything we want, bc the only reason we want it—once again—is bc it’s supposed to be ours.

the reason i love this idea of saying “thank u” any time u think of wanting something is bc 1) it shifts u to wish fulfillment (saying thank u= u accept it as yours) and 2) youre accepting the gift of god!

like, wanting something isn’t bad. it’s THE GIFT OF GOD! you desire a certain feeling, and you give yourself the solution immediately. u feel lonely and want to feel—for lack of a better word—unlonely? here u go, u want a friend! on top of that, you want a GOOD friend, so here u go! u naturally desire what you’d consider a perfect friend maybe they’re loyal, the same age as you, live in your town, etc. you naturally desire all of these things without even trying!

I love this sm bc it’s kinda like, manifestation is already halfway done IMMEDIATELY! manifestation is started and completed in the 4d. u want a feeling….u give yourself the feeling. all done! yes ofc, as a side effect, it reflects in your 3D as well. but manifestation is completed before your desire even reflects in your outer-world.

the second u give yourself the feeling (give yourself your desire in the 4d) u successfully manifested it.

so if the steps are 1) desire a feeling and then 2) give yourself the feeling…by desiring something, your godself is showing u how to give yourself the feeling. for example, you want the feeling of being loved. so u naturally begin to desire being with a certain person. this is a gift! and you’re god, so it’s a gift you are giving yourself!

so you’re like, damn i want to feel loved…but how do I feel loved in my 4d??? BY GIVING YOURSELF YOUR DESIRE (your specific person) IN YOUR 4D!!!!! (for example)

u want a feeling, so your godself gives u a desire to show you how to feel it, and then u give it to urself in the 4d and feel the feeling, and then u manifest it INSTANTLY. slay! it’s that easy!!!! wanting things ISNT BAD!!!! it’s a TOOL!!!! a GIFT!!!!!

also like, if u notice u fell into a stack of lack and are thinking abt how badly u want your desire, DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP!!! u know why you’re thinking of how u want your desire?? bc ur godself is reminding u of how to give yourself the feeling baby say thanks!! & keep going

I think this is such a simple and comforting and exciting way to look at the law. like, wanting things isn’t bad and you only want something bc you’re SUPPOSED TO GET IT!! I hope this resonates with y’all!!! 🤍

(i wrote this two months ago at 3am and you can kinda tell lol but i love this post so! here it is in all it's glory :) adapted from my twitter thread)

[ssahotchnerr]

I’m not sure if you’re still taking soft hotch requests but imagine hotch coming home late and you had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him! Lots of cuddles and kisses because he accidentally wakes you up even though he’s trying not too

kisses at 3 am

WHY is this not my life cw; all fluff with a teeny touch of angst

boarding now. should be home around 3. see you soon, love you.

aaron's text caused your heart to skip a beat, a giddiness filling you from head to toe as butterflies erupted in your stomach. finally.

a case has kept him away from you, and notably the longest he's had in a while. you've been greatly spoiled recently, a case typically not lasting more than four days at a time. or they've even been somewhat local, allowing him to come home at night. but that was not the present scenario; aaron a few states away, and you haven't seen him in close to ten days.

with jack already asleep in his room down the hall, you curled up on the couch, set on staying up. you put a movie on to keep you company, and began counting down the minutes until you heard the familiar sound of aaron's key hitting the doorknob, announcing his arrival home and ultimately allowing you to throw yourself into his arms. and once you were in them, you didn't plan on letting go.

but as determined as you were, you vaguely could feel yourself nodding off. you had a long day at work, haven't been sleeping too soundly with aaron's absence, and you were exhausted. you put up a fight, urging and forcing your eyes to stay open despite the constant droop, needing to see aaron after being apart for far too long. but you sadly made the mistake of laying down, in search of a more comfortable position, so you succumbed to sleep involuntarily.

when aaron opened the door, at half past three, he was met with your sleeping form sprawled out on the couch, the ending credits of your (second) movie rolling on the screen illuminated in front of you.

a soft smile tugged at aaron's lips at the visual. the whole time he was away, all he could picture was coming home and seeing you. the texts throughout the day, the occasional late calls, made time away more manageable, but it was still painful. they made him feel like you were just within reach, that he could simply reach out and you'd be right there, that you could be in his arms and he could kiss you senseless. but the realization, or reality of the distance between, only produced a larger pit to form in his stomach.

it also filled him with a feeling he couldn't quite describe, having someone waiting for him to come home - someone eager to see him. after the divorce with haley, aaron felt like love was forever behind him - that he didn't deserve love somehow, anymore - but you've changed his perspective on everything. he was softer, lighter, more perceptive because of you. you've opened his eyes in more ways than he thought possible.

once the door was locked behind him, aaron placed his go-bag down besides the coat closet as quietly as he could manage. he then kicked off his shoes, removed both his suit jacket and tie, and placed them neatly on a nearby chair.

after, first, checking on jack - he grabbed the tv remote off the arm of the couch beside your head, clicking it off and submitting the room to darkness. he then carefully slid onto the couch next to you, wrapping an arm securely around your waist and scooting his body as close to yours as it possibly could be.

a wave of peace immediately rushed through his body at your contact, all the lingering stress he's felt the past few days disappearing in seconds. he buried his face into your neck, placing a soft kiss on the skin he found. he didn't stop there either, giving you multiple - on your neck, jaw, brushing his lips anywhere he could reach.

in result you stirred, your shoulders squaring as you stretched briefly as you began to awake. eyes still closed, your brows crumpled into small confusion at the sudden arousal, still overtaken by the deep depths of sleep.

"it's just me, sweetheart." aaron whispered, placing another chaste kiss on your neck. his head laid onto your shoulder, his hand rubbing your hip gently. "go back to sleep."

subconsciously, you recognized his voice; your body relaxing as you melted into him and back into the couch, a soft, content exhale escaping you as you began to reenter sleep.

and subconsciously needing to be closer, your body turned, positioning yourself so your back was to his front, burrowing back against him. again, aaron's face fell into the crook of your neck, his warm breath as he nestled against you. his hand slipped under your shirt to rest on your abdomen, the lull of his thumb brushing your skin guiding him to sleep not long after you.

[songbirdseung]

WAKING UP NEXT TO THEM / EN-

synopsis: spending the night at their place for the first time and waking up next to them for the first time.

HEESEUNG 이희승 ~

you are definitely waking up before him.

because the night before, you guys played video games till 3 in the morning.

so, you just lay there and appreciate your bambi boy.

You slowly open your eyes, the soft morning light filtering through the curtains. As you regain consciousness, you find yourself lying in an unfamiliar bed. The memories from the night before start to flood back – the laughter, the video games, and the undeniable connection with Heeseung.

Careful not to disturb him, you turn your head to find Heeseung peacefully sleeping beside you. His tousled hair falls gently over his forehead, and a serene expression graces his face. The room is quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside.

As you lie there, you take a moment to appreciate the details – the rise and fall of his chest with each peaceful breath, the warmth radiating from his body. The room is filled with a comforting stillness, a stark contrast to the lively gaming session just hours ago.

After a while, you notice a subtle movement from Heeseung. His eyes flutter open, adjusting to the morning light. He blinks a few times, and when he finally focuses on you, a soft smile graces his lips. "Morning." As you lie there, you can't help but feel grateful for the simple joy of waking up next to someone who makes your heart race.

JAY 박종성 ~

you already know, this man will wake up early and cook for you

BREAKFAST IN BED FOR YOU QUEEN!

he'll kiss your face to wake you up

You're still lost in the land of dreams, the warmth of the blankets cocooning you in comfort. The gentle morning light seeps through the curtains, signaling the start of a new day. Unbeknownst to you, Jay is already up and about, quietly preparing a surprise for you.

"Wake up, baby" He sets the tray down on the bedside table, and you're greeted by the sight of a carefully arranged breakfast in bed. There's a stack of pancakes drizzled with syrup, a bowl of fresh fruit, and a steaming cup of your favorite coffee. It's a feast fit for royalty.

"What's all this?" "Breakfast for the most amazing person I know. I thought you deserved a little pampering today."

He leans down, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead. The gesture is filled with warmth and affection, making your heart flutter.

You sit up, still in awe of the thoughtful surprise before you. As you enjoy the delicious breakfast Jay prepared, he sits beside you, stealing glances to gauge your reaction. "This is incredible, Jay. Thank you."

"Anything for you, love"

JAKE 심재윤 ~

both of you would be waken up by layla

teeth rotting sweetness from the moment your eyes meet jake.

he won't let you get up, just continues to cuddle you despite layla's barks

The sun has just begun to cast its gentle morning glow through the curtains as you find yourself slowly waking up beside Jake. The room is filled with a comforting warmth, and Jake's arms are wrapped around you, creating a cocoon of security. Everything is calm until the sound of excited barking breaks the peaceful silence.

Layla, the energetic ball of fur, has decided that morning cuddles are overrated, and it's time for some play. Her energetic barks echo through the room, threatening to shatter the tranquility of the moment.

"Looks like someone's ready to start the day." Despite Jake's attempts to keep you wrapped in his embrace, Layla's enthusiasm is infectious, and she insists on being the alarm clock for the day.

Layla's barks escalate, and it becomes clear that she won't take no for an answer. Jake chuckles and releases you from his grasp, sitting up with a playful glint in his eyes. "I think Layla wants us up, love."

"She's persistent, isn't she?" Jake nods, and you both share a laugh as you get out of bed. Layla, unable to contain her excitement, starts hopping around, tail wagging furiously.

"Alright, let's see what our little troublemaker wants."

As you follow Jake and Layla to the living room, you find yourself enveloped in the morning routine that involves playful banter, belly rubs, and the infectious joy that only a dog can bring. Jake pulls you into another warm embrace, Layla contentedly lounging nearby. Despite the playful chaos, the morning feels perfect – a blend of canine energy and the tooth-rotting sweetness of Jake's affection. As you share a quiet moment, Layla sprawls out between you, seemingly satisfied that her mission to start the day with joy has been accomplished.

SUNGHOON 박성훈 ~

he'll feel the sun on his face and wake up before you

stares and admires your beauty (cause you're a stunner babe)

fell in love with you for the nth time

The soft rays of the morning sun gently filter through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. Sunghoon stirs, his senses gradually awakening as he becomes aware of the sunlight kissing his face. With a contented sigh, he opens his eyes, and the first sight that greets him is you, peacefully sleeping beside him.

You're bathed in the soft morning light, your features softened by sleep. Sunghoon can't help but marvel at your beauty, even in the simplicity of this moment. He takes a moment to simply admire you, the way your eyelashes cast delicate shadows on your cheeks and how a faint smile graces your lips.

Sunghoon can feel his heart swell with affection as he watches you, a warmth spreading through him. The sun seems to accentuate the radiance that surrounds you, making you appear ethereal in the morning light. He brushes a strand of hair away from your face, his touch light and gentle so as not to disturb your peaceful slumber.

"How did I get so lucky?"

He leans down and places a soft kiss on your forehead, savoring the sweetness of the moment. Sunghoon takes a mental snapshot, wanting to remember this instance – the quiet morning, the warmth of the sun, and the overwhelming love he feels for you.

SUNOO 김선우 ~

you two are in synced, the same person

you wake up at the same time and admire each other

later, you both do each others' skincare routine.

The morning sun casts a soft glow into the room, and as your eyes flutter open, you realize that Sunoo is already awake, his gaze fixed on you with a fond smile. There's a moment of quiet understanding as you both share the same thought – the joy of waking up together.

"Good morning, Sunoo."

"Good morning, my other half."

You exchange a loving look, feeling a connection that goes beyond words. It's as if you share the same heartbeat, synchronized in the rhythm of the morning. With a playful twinkle in his eyes, Sunoo leans in to press a gentle kiss to your cheek.

As the morning routine begins, you decide to do something fun – a joint skincare session. Sunoo grins, always up for a bit of banter.

"Are you ready for the ultimate couple skincare routine?"

"Absolutely. We'll be glowing by the end of this." You gather an array of skincare products, and with playful banter and laughter, you take turns applying masks and serums. Sunoo can't resist making funny faces as you carefully spread a mask across his face, eliciting laughter from both of you.

"I can't believe I'm letting you do this to me." The banter continues as you exchange beauty tips and secrets, each step of the routine turning into a shared experience. Sunoo even attempts to mimic your skincare routine with exaggerated gestures, causing both of you to burst into fits of laughter.

JUNGWON 양정원 ~

you need the bathroom? too bad, he's not letting you leave the bed

wants to stay in bed the whole day

loving the new experience of waking up next to you

The soft morning light spills into the room, casting a warm glow over the two of you. As you start to stir, Jungwon tightens his grip around you, refusing to let you slip away from the cocoon of blankets and warmth that surrounds you both.

"Jungwon, I need to use the bathroom." Jungwon, with a playful smirk, pulls you closer, his arms securing you against his chest.

"Nope. We're not leaving this bed today." You chuckle, feeling the irresistible pull to stay right where you are – wrapped in his embrace. "But nature calls, Jungwon."

"Nature can wait. Right now, all I want is to stay in bed with you." He nuzzles into the crook of your neck, showering you with affectionate kisses. A mischievous glint in his eyes tells you that he's not going to let you go easily. "What if I promise to come right back?"

Jungwon tightens his hold, his warmth and laughter filling the room. "You're not escaping that easily. Today is a bed day, and I plan to enjoy every moment of it."

You can't help but surrender to the idea. After all, who could resist a day of relaxation with Jungwon? As you settle back into the pillows, Jungwon peppers your face with sweet kisses, reveling in the newfound joy of waking up next to you.

NI-KI 西村 力 ~

as much as he is a prankster, he'll respect your sleep

he'll bask in the moments and pull you closer to him

and you'll be enjoying the romantic side of ni-ki

Ni-ki, despite his mischievous nature, decides to play the role of a silent observer this morning. He refrains from any playful antics that might disturb your sleep, opting instead to bask in the quiet joy of waking up next to you.

As you open your eyes, Ni-ki pulls you closer, his arm wrapped around you in a protective embrace. There's a tenderness in his touch, a departure from his usual playful demeanor. He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"Morning, sleepyhead." You smile, still feeling the warmth of sleep clinging to you.

"Morning, Ni-ki. What's got into you today?" Ni-ki grins, a mischievous glint returning to his eyes. "Just enjoying the view. You're not bad to wake up to, you know."

You playfully roll your eyes, appreciating the unexpected romantic side of Ni-ki. As the morning progresses, Ni-ki remains by your side, savoring the quiet moments of connection. He pulls you into a sitting position, his gaze fixed on yours. "I was thinking, we could just stay here, enjoy the morning together."

You can't help but be drawn into the romantic atmosphere that Ni-ki has unexpectedly created. You nod in agreement, both of you reveling in the simple pleasure of shared silence.

[rinniessance]

TEENAGE FEVER ༊*·˚ - suguru geto x fem!reader x satoru gojo

SUMMARY. you, satoru and suguru have been taking care of the fushiguro kids and the twins since your teenage days. after your latest mission, you reminisce about the beginnings of your little family. and during an impromptu trip, unspoken feelings finally come to a boil.

꒰ warnings: pure fluff! idiots in love. friends to lovers, mutual pining, family dynamics, non-canon compliant, megumi calls you mommy once ♡ // word count: 11.6k ꒱ ꒰ notes: another repost from my old account .ᐟ.ᐟ just really wanted to have this piece on my new blog <3 ꒱

sometimes you wonder why you agreed to be a part of madness that is the geto/gojo/you in a co-parenting throuple (you internally scream every time you remember how nonchalant satoru was about that description. what? i think that’s kind of adorable. you and suguru did not agree; somehow the name still stuck around). you would think that a pair of strongest sorcerers would be able to handle four first graders yet dozens of notifications that finally came through to your phone prove otherwise. your left eye twitches.

[ groupchat notifications: co-parenting throuple ] ‘toru /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\: girl dinner ! ‘toru /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\: [picture] sugu ₍ᐢ⑅ᐢ₎: im sorry i wasn’t there to prevent the disaster sugu ₍ᐢ⑅ᐢ₎: shall i prepare the casket?

messages are stamped two hours ago, and you’re too afraid to open the picture, dozens of different scenarios popping up in your head at the speed of light. when you finally unlock the messages, you think suguru was considerate enough to even suggest a casket because once you’re done with satoru gojo, there will be no body to bury.

you: you fed them cake for dinner ??      toru  /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\ responded: it’s sunday! they deserve a little treat!         sugu ₍ᐢ⑅ᐢ₎ responded: it’s a 12-inch cheesecake you responded: satoru, i know what you want to say, zip it. you’re in so much trouble already.

you: and why is it only you with the girls, where is megumi????      toru /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\ responded: and ‘gumi ate regular dinner like a child-man he is :<          you responded: it’s called a man-child satoru… toru /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\: responded: no, megumi is a child-man because he has a soul of a man trapped in a body of a seven year old      sugu ₍ᐢ⑅ᐢ₎ responded: so you’re calling him benjamin button?           you responded: that’s why he doesn’t like either of you.

the frustration you felt towards satoru mere two minutes ago dissipates and gives space to something much warmer; the feeling that was tugging at you the whole weekend as you travelled to korea, sent away on a mission (you found yourself missing your little family more than you expected); the feeling that made you treating exorcising curses with utmost care because for the first time in a while, you want to come home safe. with a simple reminder of how lucky you’re to have satoru and suguru protecting the little piece of safe haven you carved out for yourselves; all the anger is gone as if it was never there in the first place.

you’re about to scroll through the earlier messages but flight attendant announces that the passengers are finally clear to get off the plane, so you shove the phone into your bag, grab your carry-on and hurry out. security check is surprisingly fast, and you’re riding a taxi back home in no time. you send a quick message to the group chat that you’re on your way and close your eyes.

quiet hum of the radio, steady movement of the car, and familiar surroundings immediately bring you peace – you’ve been feeling restless during your whole weekend trip, and now that you’re almost back with people you want to be with the most, you cannot help but smile. you’re being lulled to sleep by something pleasant playing on the radio, and your thoughts drift back to the day you found that being teenage parents can come in different forms.

3 years ago

you sigh again as you look at your watch. 4:23pm, satoru was supposed to be here 23 minutes ago. not only that, but he’s been ignoring your calls, not responding to your messages and did not tell anyone where he’s suddenly gone off to. suguru cannot be reached either, you know he has a mission today, so now you’re stranded in the middle of shibuya, your least favorite place to be, alone. you think this is the day you finally stab satoru gojo because he has the absolute nerve to beg you to come to this new dessert cafe, the one that just opened. supposedly, it was so good, you just have to try it - satoru convinced you to join him, knowing that you hate being in overcrowded spaces, only for to him to ghost you.

buzz of your phone brings you out of your thoughts.

[ incoming call: toru /ᐠ. ᴗ.ᐟ\ ]

“i swear to god, satoru, you better have to save half the planet as an excuse or —”

“where are you?”

“what? what do you mean where am i? in shibuya, where we were supposed to meet almost 30 minutes ago!”

“we’re going back to the school now, come back as soon as you can.”

and then he hung up. you blankly stared at the screen of your phone like it would somehow explain what just happened. with a deep sigh, you put the phone away and massage your temples, feeling the headache coming. satoru gojo might be the one who’s getting migraines from having six eyes but he always makes sure you have one too, just for the company.

ride back to the school is quick and easy – thankfully you’re in time to beat the rush hour, and currently, you’re standing in front of tokyo high. now that you’ve had time to calm your anger and frustration down, you realize that gojo would’ve at least texted you if he was late. something must’ve happened, and you feel panic start spreading its icy tentacles all over your body. picking up the pace, you almost run through the courtyard, pass the temple decorum and straight to doctor’s office – you assume he would be there if something happened.

you finally stand in front of the door: your breathing is heavy and you’re dizzy from how fast you sped up. the horrors of last year’s mission flash before your eyes, painting it blood, sorrow and anger, and you pray to every god known that it’s not a repeat of that failure. you almost lost suguru to the darkness that preyed on him, stalking his shadows, seeping through his skin – you are still haunted by how hollow his eyes became. you’re sure seeing him like this again will break you instead this time. you try to steady your breathing and knock.

“you can come in.”

of course satoru would know you were here. pushing the door and walking into the room, you are met by two little girls sitting on each suguru’s side on the hospital bed. satoru is standing next to them and observing his best friend who is gently murmuring something to the twins. both of them look unharmed which means shoko already worked her magic if it was necessary. it seems none of you want to bring up the elephant in the room so you just take a sit in the chair next to the desk.

“what happened?” your voice sounds loud in the hushed murmurs bouncing off the wall, and all four pairs of eyes are directed at you. it seems you startled the girls as they grabbed onto suguru’s sleeves – you cannot help but stretch your lips in a pretty smile, waving to them. “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” you tell them in a hushed tone this time, “would you tell me your names if i told you mine?”

brunette twin shakes her head for the both of them, and you introduce yourself. same girl responds to your curiosity.

“i am mimiko, and we’ve never met our parents but i know i am older by 5 minutes. and this,” she points at the girl on the opposite side of suguru, “is nanako. she is always a little shy so i make sure to talk for the both of us!” blonde girl curls a little more into your friend, and you finally make eye contact with him. you’re a little lost by what you see – hurt, anger, tenderness, confusion, he looks so defeated yet relieved at the same time. you’re turning to look at satoru instead but he only shrugs his shoulders.

“don’t look at me, he didn’t really share any details with me either.”

you hum in response and get up from the chair, walking to where the hospital bed is and squat to face them, extending your hand.

“well, it’s really nice to meet you, mimiko and nanako,” and as you get a little closer to their face, you whisper as it’s meant to be a secret, “i think we’ll become really good friends.”

from what satoru told you, it seems that him and suguru hadn’t had a chance to talk yet – girls looked very attached to dark-haired man already, it’s most likely they wouldn’t leave his side and whatever gojo wanted to discuss was not meant for children’s ears. you’re too scared to overstep the friendship boundary you just started building with the girls but you know the look on your friends’ faces, and they tell you they need to have a serious and most likely unpleasant conversation (not too hard to guess what about). standing up, you tentatively reach out your hands to nanako and mimiko.

“have you ever tried crepes? there is a very good place that sells them nearby. what do you say if we go and grab some dessert, just us girls?”

you could see their eyes lit up as they looked back at suguru, looking for a confirmation you’re safe to go with. he smiled at them (that smile that sometimes makes your heart skip a beat and makes you yearn for something you know you could never have), making wrinkles appear in the corner of his crescent-like eyes.

“she is my friend, you can go with her. i’ll meet you in a little bit,” and as he looked back at you, he mouthed quiet “thank you”. you only smiled in return: suguru never needed to thank you, not after the near escape to hell you guided him away from; not after the sleepless nights you spent keeping him a quiet company on the rooftops of jujutsu tech because silence was everything he needed in those moments; not after tight embraces you had to hold him in when you witnessed a sliver of panic attack creeping up on him when he least expected it. in the year that followed the disastrous star plasma vessel mission, you were the light that guided suguru back to himself, back to satoru, back to you. geto didn’t need to say thank you, at least not to you, not anymore.

grabbing two little girls by their hands, you lead them out of school.

“i promise you we will have the best time.”

present

the particular rough bump of the car brings you back to the present moment. you look at the time on your phone, display showing 11:23pm, and you smile looking at the picture on your lockscreen: it’s a picture of satoru with nanako and mimiko, their mouths stuffed full of crepes.

after suguru decided to take the girls in, you and satoru made it a habit of coming over and helping him take care of them. geto and gojo used to be inseparable but the rift that broke in between them in the year that followed amanai riko’s death was a surprise. being close to both strongest sorcerers, you knew why it was there, you knew the sheer trauma of it for both of them. so you stayed with gojo when he needed you to keep reminding him that his shoulders do not have to carry the weight of the whole world, and you’re here to share it. and you stayed with geto when he was plunged into the coldness of heart-wrenching guilt and needed you to pull him out from under the deep. after suguru adopted nanako and mimiko, you were the bridge that crossed a seemingly bottomless crevice between the two of them.

making satoru see what he was missing with suguru’s behavour at the time and asking suguru to understand why satoru was seemingly oblivious to it in the first place – the confusion, the pain, the loss of innocence, and everything unsaid that went on between them – was almost as difficult as being a sorcerer in the first place. by a miracle, you stopped being their overpass as they started rebuilding their bridges themselves. yet, the connection you weaved with the sacred geometry of your hands between the three of you created a special bond that prevailed until this day.

unlocking your phone, you scroll through the earlier messages in the chat: messages that kids already miss you (sent 30 minutes after your plane took off on friday), stories about their successful disneyworld trip on saturday (traitors, you think, you’ve been begging them for a family outing there for months now), and cake-baking adventures today (you internally dread the mess that will have to be cleaned up in the kitchen). looking back at you from your home screen is the picture of megumi and tsumiki on their first day of school, proud suguru holding both their hands (megumi refused to hold satoru’s hand so he refused to be in the picture – sometimes you wonder who is the older out of the two). warmth takes over your entire being once again, and you allow yourself to recollect the memories of how the last pieces of your family all came together.

2 years ago

“i am going to meet with that kid fushiguro was talking about before he, you know,” and satoru dramatically slashed his neck with his finger, poking his tongue out, imitating a dead face. nanako and mimiko laughed from the opposite side of the table while you kicked him on the shin.

“please, satoru, i didn’t sign up to babysit three kids. eat your breakfast, i need to get girls to pre-school, we can talk about it once i’m back.”

“what if i drive you? and then we can go grab kikufuku from the new place that opened near shinjuku station, i heard it’s really good.”

“satoru, it’s 7am in the morning. unlike you, i am a normal human being who cannot possibly consume that much sugar this early. and,” you lean in closer and whisper so the girls cannot hear, “please don’t say stuff like this in front of the twins, they will think it’s normal to be asking for dessert at this ungodly hour.”

satoru thinks it’s adorable, how you huff and puff at the girls like a mother hen. ever since the girls started living with suguru, you made it your mission to come over at least once a week to make sure they have everything they need – and nanako and mimiko, as they once confessed to geto, love your presence. after everything they’ve been through, the girls learned to recognize the intention behind people’s auras, and yours only gave them peace. and, unbeknownst to them at this tender age, they have craved peace for a very long time. so he bites his tongue and keeps the snarky remark he wanted to say, instead quietly whispering “sorry”, and you appreciate the gesture that may seem small to another, but speaks volume to yourself.

“fine. we will be leaving in,” you look at the watch, squinting and thinking about how much time you have left, “30 minutes, make sure you’re ready or we’re leaving without you.”

you let the twins finish their breakfast and rush both of them to brush their teeth before you prep their outfits. suguru was sent out on a mission for the whole week (you worry; satoru tells you that with how much you worry about everyone and everything, you’ll be grayer than him in couple of years) and asked you to stay with the girls until he returns. you won’t lie – you’ve grown attached to them within the short amount of time you’ve been helping taking care of them so you agreed to babysit in a millisecond.

you didn’t expect that a third child will be living with you all this week too.

“why don’t i get my outfit chosen for me?” you feel satoru before you can even hear him, the never-ending reach of his limitless tingling your senses, rushing the goosebumps up your spine (this is totally normal, right? friends make other friends feel like this, right?). and you wish he would only be the omniscient presence that makes your knees weak because as soon as he opens his mouth, you want to roll your eyes and smack the back of his head. you learned to treat him like a child, if he wanted to behave like one.

 “because mommy is busy and you’re old enough to do it on your own.”

satoru did not expect you to say that, sudden blush rushing to his face making his thoughts drift in a direction incredibly inappropriate for a friend. great. you’re so gross, satoru. he suddenly turned away and rushed out from the bedroom (if you had more time, you would’ve asked him what his deal was but alas, you were already running late). then he proceeded to stay quiet the whole morning: while you were getting nanako and mimiko dressed, while he was driving all of you to school, while you waved goodbye to the girls and made your way back to the car. the phrase kept running through his mind the whole time until you cleared your throat and looked at him with your brow raised.

“what’s gotten into you? you’ve been suspiciously quiet the whole morning. didn’t you want to talk about something?”

he forced all the wrong thoughts to stay hidden for now, patted them away like crows nibbling at the forbidden nerves of his sudden need. he cleared his throat and started driving away from the school, not knowing where he was taking the two of you yet.

“uh, yeah. i was telling you that i am going to meet with the fushiguro kid tomorrow.”

“okay… and?”

“and what?”

“what are you going to do?”

megumi fushiguro was discussed among you before, but no concrete decision was ever reached. what if the kid doesn’t even want to go with him? he won’t be able to drag him by force unless he wants to be accused of child abduction.

“i don’t know. if he does want to come with me, i have the resources to keep him out of whatever deal his father cooked up for him with the zen’in clan. but if he doesn’t… by the time he realizes what zen’ins are, and if he ever wants to leave, it’ll be too late,” satoru clicks his tongue at the mention of one of the three big families. it’s no secret gojo clan has not seen eye-to-eye with zen’ins for a long time now but for satoru, it’s personal.

“you know, if you decide to take him in, it’s not like one more child will really make a difference. you’ll just have to stop coming around and it’s like nothing changed,” the words come out of you with such levity, satoru sometimes thinks you don’t even realize that your presence alone can make a wilted flower spring back to life.

he can only laugh in response. you haven’t even met the kid and you already welcome him like it’s nothing to worry about. gojo always wanted to compare you to the sun, the stars or any other celestial being that shines so brightly, they illuminate every shadow in their reach. but as the time passed, he realized that he didn’t want you to be a sun, or a star – then he will have to share your light with everyone else. no, you’re a flame in the home’s fireplace, warm and inviting to anyone who’s welcomed into your humble abode but lost to everyone else.

“you say that now. let’s see what happens when i show up with two kids instead of one.”

present

the memory makes you chuckle. sometimes you wonder if he knew megumi had a sister because when he did show up with two kids instead of a promised one, you swore he looked as smug as ever.

as the time went on, spreading yourself thin between going to university (you said you wanted to finish your degree in case your career as a sorcerer doesn’t work out), helping out geto and gojo on their missions when they asked you, and helping take care of both suguru’s girls and fushiguro siblings was proving to be too much. so satoru, for all his seemingly unlimited resources, decided that buying a house and living all together will be better. you knew that it was easier to move a mountain than change gojo’s mind once it’s been set on something so you didn’t argue. to no one’s surprise, living together for all of you came as naturally as breathing. who said a family cannot be three barely functioning not-even-yet adults and their four adopted children?

the familiar silhouette of home comes into view, and you sigh with relief. when the cab stops, you pay the driver, grabbing your things and rushing our the car. it’s the moments like this you envy satoru’s teleportation ability though you will never admit it to him out loud, lest you inflate his ego even more. you’re barely able to step away from the gates when the front door to the house swings open and you see the person you were just thinking about poking his head out.

“need a hand?”

gojo is as cheerful as ever, and you cannot help but smile back, lips stretching in that tired way he finds almost domestic, and he feels something prick inside him. not now. you want to say something back, but you’re interrupted by the sound of little footsteps running past satoru, towards you.

“you’re back, you’re back!” nanako and mimiko are the first rushing to greet you, with tsumiki hot on their tail. you see megumi standing in the doorframe trying to pat away satoru’s hand resting on top of his head as he comes out to greet you as well.

“oh my god, ‘toru, what are they still doing up, it’s past 12am!” you redirect your attention to the kids instead. “what are you little rascals still doing up, uh? just because you don’t have school tomorrow doesn’t mean you don’t have a sleeping schedule anymore!”

“gojo-san and geto-san said we can stay up today!”

“3 years later and you’re still the only one they call by your first name,” you hear suguru before you can see him: he is standing on the opposite side of megumi, letting the kid hide behind his leg to get away from gojo’s assault on his hair. you smile at them and decide there is no point of staying mad at them any longer.

the men help you to bring your bags inside, and you collapse on the couch as soon as you pass the threshold of your home.

“how was your trip?” megumi asks as he slowly crawls to sit on your right side. out of all the kids, megumi was the hardest to read – for a child his age, he was overly perceptive and did feel almost like an adult at times. what did satoru call him? a child-man, that’s right.

“it was good, ‘gumi. ‘m just tired now. how was your weekend? i saw someone took you to disneyworld when i was asking for it the whole time,” you said, raising your voice at the later part of the sentence so it can reach gojo and geto’s ears from where they were in the kitchen. you could only hear a light chuckle back.

“it was so fun! mimiko was scared of the ride we went on, but i was so brave!” nanako’s eyes twinkled with so much joy, you really wish you witnessed the moment yourself. satoru was right all those years ago, you were a mother hen back then, you’re a mother hen now.

“no, i wasn’t! tsumiki was scared more!”

“why are you lying? no, i wasn’t!”

 “ay, ay! i’m sure all of you were equally brave. now, can you tell me why you stayed up this late?” you finally sit everyone down, satoru and suguru joining you with freshly brewed tea, and think this is the most at peace you’ve ever felt.

“we were waiting for you…” tsumiki shyly confesses on behalf of everyone.

“oh,” your vision gets blurry and you feel pearly beads of tears pool in the corner of your eyes before quickly blinking them away.

“ughhh, you cute little puppies, i just want to eat you up,” you say before anyone can question your tears and pull all of the kids into a bear hug. time is late, however, so you make a quick work of tucking everyone into bed now that they’ve seen you. you say your goodnights and leave their rooms.

“do we not get a hug now?” satoru asks, wearing his signature smirk, and you want to clap back with a retort of your own, chastise them for letting the kids eat cake for dinner and stay up past midnight, or remind them that they are not seven years old anymore; but the car trip and the memories you revisited bring out something nostalgic in you making you slowly walk up to satoru and hug him instead. he is taken aback at first but gojo has always been good at recovering from momentary stupor so he’s pulling you back into a hug in no time.

“you two are rude,” comes from suguru’s side and as soon as you’re untangling yourself from gojo, you’re walking up to the raven-haired sorcerer to do the same.

“i missed you two idiots.”

“we missed you too.”

the silence stretches across the room but it’s comforting and inviting, like an old friend who hasn’t visited in a while, enveloping the three of you in its embrace. you look at the clock on the wall, showing you 1:05am, and suddenly your whole body feels heavy.

“sorry guys, i think the trip is finally showing its signs… i am so tired, don’t even have energy to take a shower,” you say and groan in disgust. you hate going to bed without washing the grime of the day off your body but the fatigue is clinging onto your skin like humid air. “i’m going to bed now, see you guys tomorrow.”

“good night.”

“sleep well.”

and if you paid closer attention, you would’ve noticed the deep seated longing in the men’s gazes, the one that you sometimes have to hide from them too; you would’ve noticed how suguru’s hand is following yours long after you’re out of their sight, and how satoru’s tongue darted out to wet his lips when you were pressed against him, even if for a second; you would’ve noticed that the feelings you’ve been trying to push deep down for your two best friends are reflected all the same somewhere in the constellation of their eyes.

next morning you wake up as a result of someone laughing your name and jumping on your bed. sunlight is peaking through the curtains, making sun bunnies dance on the walls of your room and kiss your cheeks. you try to open your eyes but your head feels heavy like you’ve just fallen asleep and you struggle to make out your surroundings – feeling disoriented first thing in the morning is definitely your least favorite thing. you groan softly and finally force yourself to lift your eyelids – as you do so, you’re met with two little girls using your bed as a make-shift trampoline.

“wake up! wake up! gojo-san and geto-san told us we will be leaving to go to the sea in an hour!” and they swiftly left, just as quickly as they had come in, leaving you to stare up at the ceiling in confusion.

“uh?”

once the words really settled in, you’re getting up from the bed in record time and putting on the first clothes you lay your eyes on. you find the strongest duo already up and ready. all of the kids, worryingly, also look like they are ready to leave the house, and there are bags near the door with both satoru and suguru looking too smug not to be suspicious about it.

“what is going on here?” you ask from the doorway that connects the hallway leading to your rooms to the kitchen. “why am i hearing that we’re going to the sea, and why are you dressed like this?”

“well,” satoru starts, “because we are going to the sea so we’re wearing appropriate clothing. you’re the only one who’s still not dressed.

you close your eyes and massage the bridge of your nose. mentally you douse whatever feelings you were having for these idiots yesterday.

“why am i hearing about this only now?”

“surprise?..”

“i know it’s last minute, but satoru made a promise to drive so you can relax in the car while we’re on the way there. just get ready and we can leave right after,” suguru says from his place on the couch, and you cannot help but sigh deeply and return to your room to shower and quickly pack.

when you’re out of earshot, geto shoots gojo a look.

“what are you planning, satoru?”

“why would i be planning anything? she’s been really stressed recently, and then the higher ups have the audacity to send her away for a whole weekend and give you a mission that took your whole sunday at the same time she was sent away. i was overworked the week before that. sometimes it feels like they are doing this on purpose. so maybe we should all disappear for a couple of days with no way of contacting us, maybe they’ll stop pestering us like we’re the only sorcerers available.”

“very mature of you, ‘toru.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever.”

the two of them finish packing the last of the food that gojo bought in the morning while waiting for you. reserving a spot this late in one of the most popular vacation spots in japan was hard, but nothing is impossible when you’re satoru gojo.

you’re ready in record time, and the kids are all yelling and arguing about who is going to sit where. you need to intervene and say you will be sitting in the back of suv with nanako and mimiko, while mugumi and tsumiki agreed to sit in the middle row; suguru is riding shotgun and satoru has agreed to be your driver for the ride. unsurprisingly, not even an hour out of the city, the car is filled with snoring as the kids fell asleep shortly after you started driving. you feel yourself getting drowsy, closing your eyes and swearing you will only sleep for a moment. however, the next time you open them, you’re informed by suguru that all of you are already halfway through the trip.

“oh my god, i can’t believe i slept for that long,” you mumble through a voice heavy with drowsiness. “i think it’s best if we stop somewhere now, i’ll wake the kids up so they can eat quickly and pee. i suggest we all do it.”

“yeah, i think it would be best, i don’t know if we will have the opportunity to stop any time soon,” satoru agrees with you, and the drive continues for 20 more minutes until you’re stopping at the gas station. you gently wake the kids up and let them know that they need to have a snack and go to the restroom (time is 11:20am and they should be able to fall asleep again with no issues after that).

“how much longer do you think we have to drive?” you ask satoru as he is refilling the gas tank. you’re watching suguru watch the kids where they are running around nearby.

“maybe 2.5-3 hours, depending on the traffic.”

“did something happen during the weekend?”

“no, why would you ask?”

“hm…” you quickly hum, “this is all too sudden for it to be spontaneous.”

“oh, common, don’t be like that. i just think the little family of ours needs a mini vacation, that is all.”

as soon as the words leave his mouth, gojo can feel the blush creeping up all the way to his ears and he clears his throat, walking away. you don’t know what makes you giggle more – the way he admits that whatever it is you have, he also sees it as a family, or the way the confession makes him feel embarrassed. you observe him preparing to get into the driver’s seat – sometimes you wonder what is happening in that handsome head of his. you glance at suguru and wonder if he would have a better guess.

gojo lets you know that you’re good to depart again. the second part of the trip is as chaotic as you would imagine it go and you give up on trying to make kids to go back to sleep. instead, you’re breaking up the fights between almost everyone: nanako and mimiko argue about their friendship bracelets across from you; you keep having to remind gojo that he is indeed an adult in this situation while he wants to continue arguing with megumi; and suguru somehow breaks the AC so the last 30 minutes of the drive everyone is suffering in silence.

once you finally pull up to the little vacation house gojo somehow procured at the last moment, you’re already feeling at your limit: you need the sun and to dive into warm water before you start losing your hair.

geto helps you with the bags while gojo unloads everything into the kitchen – you’re not sure how long you’re staying here for but the amount of food they brought will last you a nuclear winter. the children are excited about their rooms, and you must keep reminding them to be careful and to not run into any corners despite their enthusiasm. you help them unpack and choose outfits for the day – it’s been decided in the car that you will be going to the beach as soon as you’re settled.

everyone is ready in half an hour – you helped the girls get into their swimming suits, while megumi insisted he can do it himself (you suggested geto or gojo help him, but he closed the door in their faces and didn’t come out until he was done). both men were already waiting by the door with the picnic bags and beach essentials – you had to admit they looked a little too good, making a knot twist in your stomach.

satoru was dressed in a simple white button up that matched his hair and a pair of navy swim trunks. maybe he was right, this trip was long overdue for all three of you, as gojo looked more relaxed and at peace than you’ve seen him in a while. his lips were stretch into a lazy smile and his eyes, unobstructed by the glasses or a blindfold, had a glint of mischief that reminded you of a 16 year-old boy you met all those years ago. he tried his best to style his white unruly hair but the surrounding humidity only made it frizzier.

gojo makes it seem almost effortless, with how good he looks, and maybe part of it is true – despite never admitting it out loud, you know he won the genetic lottery when it came to his appearance. but you also know that satoru has an unrelenting skin care routine (because you buy your products together); that he asks what you think about his outfits even though you keep repeating you should be the last person he asks for fashion advice (don’t worry about it, princess, your opinion is the only one that matters anyways and you hate how your heart clenches at these words); and that he spends 45 minutes taking his showers. but what gojo doesn’t know is that you adore him the most first thing in the morning – eyes so sleepy he can barely keep them open, voice gruff and low asking what’s for breakfast, wearing his sleeping gray sweatpants and nothing else. and he will never know lest you want to ruin everything you’ve worked so hard to build between the three of you.

you moved your eyes away from gojo to where suguru was leaning on the door. he was wearing a blue hawaiian shirt with the three top buttons popped off, paired with simple black swimming shorts. his hair was put into a perfect manbun, however, unrelenting bangs always make themselves known untangled from the rest of his locks. you noticed it back when you were teenagers and got used to carrying bobby pins for him – he somehow always leaves them at home (you will never admit but you love the fact that he always forgets them – it gives you another reason to run your fingers through his hair) – and this habit stayed with you all the way into adulthood. while satoru was handsome in a regal way, suguru was all sharp edges that made him look almost dangerous – pronounced jaw, pointy nose, almost cat-like eyes; the kind of beauty that always makes you weak in the knees.

“see something you like?” satoru’s voice takes you out of your daydream and, shamefully, you realize you’ve been standing in the corridor doorway, gawking at them like it’s your first time seeing their faces. you only groan in response and roll your eyes, trying to hide the blush that adores your neck and flushes your cheeks red.

“if i saw something i like, i would’ve told you,” and you stick your tongue out. liar.

“are you feeling well? you look a little red, maybe you got a fever?” comes from suguru’s side now as he tries to reach for your forehead but you swat his hand away.

“ugh, i hate both of you.” liar. they only laugh when you rush past them, megumi and nanako on either side of you holding your hands while tsumiki sits on satoru’s shoulders and mimiko takes her rightful place on suguru’s back.

“whatever you say, sweetheart.”

the way to the beach is short and sweet, your attention is fully dedicated to megumi and nanako as they re-tell you the stories from their weekend. ‘gumi won a plushy and gave it to mimiko because she asked him to play in the first place, and tsumiki, apparently, had the highest score in the game where you punch a bag to see how strong you are. nanako says that helping satoru bake the cheesecake on sunday was her favorite part of the weekend, and you make a mental note to let her help you the next time you do it.

from behind you, geto and gojo observe your interactions with the kids, each of them in their own thoughts, yet both mulling over the same thing – you, letting tsumiki and mimiko chat between themselves.

neither of them thought you would become a constant in their lives when they decided to take in the kids – after all, none of you were in a relationship, despite their feelings for you, and you had no obligations to be giving them so much of your time. but as the time went on, all three of you fell into a comfortable routine that was both a blessing and a curse – they couldn’t confess that the boyish crush they had on you in your teenage years not only endured but blossomed into something so much more. that something kept growing inside their ribcages, weaving and building a home there, rooting itself so deep, they forgot what life was like before you offered them your light.

satoru and suguru only discussed this once between each other. the unspoken feelings they had not only for you but also for each other made already complex situation even more complicated. the fear of damaging the carefully built dynamic between the three of you was overwhelming - so overwhelming in fact, both agreed to never speak of this again. pandora’s box was sealed, and only you behold the power to open it. the strongest duo knows why this little box of wonders needs to be locked far away from them - however, it’s moments like this, when megumi asks to be carried in your hands (even though he’s getting too big for that) while nanako clenches your hand harder and you indulge both of them without a moment’s delay, that make them wish you knew: knew how much suguru adores the little tilt to your head when you’re confused about something, knew how much satoru loves smoothing out the wrinkles on your head when you’re deep in the thought, knew how both of them yearn for your laugh after a long day.

the cute white bikini you’re wearing is definitely not helping the ever-running thoughts two men are trying so hard to push down. it’s not the first time the absolute indecency of their desire is sparked by the slight bounce of your tits and the swing of your hips. memories of countless times they had to take an extra shower in the morning because you would show up in the kitchen in one of their shirts, without a bra, nipples hard and visible through a thin fabric, should make them feel embarrassed, yet the shame never comes. when did the longing for you start feeling so right?

as the years progressed, this dance the three of you did around each other became familiar, and none of you dared to switch the melody.

sometimes you wish you were brave enough to do it.

“look, look, we’re finally here!” mimiko yells from suguru’s back and then instructs him to put her down. nanako lets go of your hand as tsumiki’s climbing down satoru’s shoulders, and three girls run away towards the sea.

“be careful! you still need to put your sunscreen, don’t run away too far!” you move your attention to the little boy you released from your hold as you entered the beach, “‘gumi, you’re not going with them?”

you wiggle his arm back and forth (his hand is so tight in yours, gripping now harder than before) but he refuses to look at you so you don’t push.

“did you forget he doesn’t know how to swim?” satoru says from behind you, and you shoot him a look. god, was he purposefully trying to rile megumi? fushiguro only digs his fingers further into your hand, and you honestly want to bite satoru’s head off.

“that’s okay, baby, i’m sure your dad needed support of his whole clan when he was trying to learn how to swim.”

“he is not my dad.”

your brain goes blank for a second, and you hope satoru did not hear what you just said (he did; but he thinks he’ll spare you the further embarrassment; he also doesn’t want to admit that it makes his stomach turn in a way he wish it wouldn’t).

“you’re right, dummy like him could never be your dad.”

you find the spot not too far from where the girls are playing, and you help geto and gojo set up the blankets and umbrellas. while they are making sure none of it flies away with the first gust of the wind, you search for the sunscreen in your bag.

“girls! come here, we need to put sunscreen on you!”

you hear the tatter of 6 feet rushing towards you, trying to get first in line so they can all get back to playing in the water. you hand satoru and suguru two other tubes you brought.

“help me to put this on them. i think if we don’t do it in the next minute, they will actually explode,” you say, smiling at how impatient tsumiki is being in front of you as she keeps bouncing on her legs. before you start on the sunscreen, you turn her so her back is facing you and let her hair out of the ponytail as you try to retie it. she winces a bit and lets out a small ouch.

“’m sorry baby, didn’t meant to hurt you, you okay?” you ask as you rub on the roots of her hair.

“yeah, i’m okay!” she exclaims loudly, making you giggle. once her bun is all set in place, you quickly put the sunscreen on her whole body, finishing with the face, and boop her nose. tsumiki scrunches it in her adorable way, and you feel your heart swell with joy and love.

once the girls run off again, suguru comes up to you with the tube of sunscreen in hands.

“don’t you think you need a little help too?”

the smile adorning his face is so sweet, he doesn’t realize the summersaults it’s making your heart to do. and when you think about those hands on your shoulders, on your back, going lower where you want them most, you realize you actually might be burning up. but you can’t come up with an excuse fast enough not to let him do it so, without any words lest you’ll be embarrassing yourself, you just turn around and present him your back.

geto start slowly with your shoulders, squeezing the tube and spreading the sunscreen on your soft skin. you swear you can hear him sharply inhale, and your heart involuntarily skips a beat. you let yourself wonder, just for a second, how these hands would feel on the parts of your body where you want them most, if geto would be as gentle squeezing your breasts and tugging at your nipples. and when his hands start travelling lower, caressing the space between your shoulder blades and running his fingers down your spine, you wonder if his long digits would reach the spot inside your gummy walls that you’re unable to find yourself. you absolutely lose yourself to the indecent thoughts when he starts massaging the sunscreen into your lower back. that man, you think, if only he knew what he was doing. it takes all of your willpower to prevent yourself from moaning out loud and not tremble at his mere touch. you want to lean back and tilt your head to the side so geto can leave a trail of wet kisses on the side of your neck, following the curve of it to your jaw, and capture your lips in a way that only lovers can.

you can feel your skin grow hot and your white bikini better not show how embarrassingly wet you got from your best friend’s touch. you’re so sick, you think to yourself and before it becomes any worse, you’re untangling yourself from suguru’s arms and call out for megumi.

“i… uh… will go swim with him, don’t want him to get bored,” you breathlessly whisper as if too afraid to speak any louder, and call out to the boy.

“‘gumi, common! grab your floaties and we’ll go play a little further away from the girls,” you wait for him to grab his stuff, and you notice one of his rare smiles – he never hid the fact that you were his favorite out of three adults, and he always feels a little smug when your undivided attention is on him. satoru shoots him a knowing look which megumi successfully ignores, clinging to you.

you pass the girls as you show them the direction you’re taking megumi in and they all say “okay!” at the same time like it’s rehearsed. mimiko, nanako and tsumiki are in a competition to see who can gather the most seashells and are left under the attentive gaze of gojo and geto. you help megumi put his floaties on and gather him into your arms so you can walk a little deeper: once you’re satisfied with the distance, you try to let him go but he is attached to you like a baby koala.

“common ‘gumi, i promise i won’t let you go, okay? i’ll be right here in case you need help, and i’ll be also holding onto you the whole time.”

fushiguro only violently shakes his head, not wanting to be in the water by himself. you wonder where this fear comes from and think you’ll have to revisit it later. you don’t push any further, and hug him closer, running a smoothing hand on his back while he puts his head on your shoulder. you squat a little to help him get adjusted to the temperature, and he shrieks from the sudden rush of water above his waist while hugging you tighter, almost choking you. laughter bubbles in your throat but you don’t want to make megumi feel worse than he already does so you try your best not to let it out.

“hey, baby, it’s okay. i am holding you, yeah?” and as you say that, you try to push him away from you one more time, to let him experience the ocean by himself but he only tightens his hold as a sign he is not moving away. so you resign to gently swaying with him in the water, letting the salty waves wash around you. you can feel the sunlight dancing on your skin, warm breeze carrying all your worries away, if just for a moment, and you close your eyes allowing yourself to take all of it in. megumi’s head is pleasantly heavy on your shoulder, and you walk little bit further away from the beach until you bump into someone.

“oh, i am so sorry!” you instantly apologize and turn around. what you don’t expect is to be met with the pair of the most beautiful green eyes you see (your mind involuntarily goes to gojo and how even these emerald eyes pale to comparison to the infinity carried by his gaze). you think if your heart didn’t belong to the two most annoying human beings you’ve ever had a pleasure of encountering, you would’ve fallen head over hills right here, right now.

“please, no need to apologize.”

surprise number two: this stranger is not only handsome, but also has a voice that makes you want to do whatever he asks you to, as long as he keeps talking to you. and again, you think how unfortunate of you to fall in love with two people you can’t have when men like this walk around for free.

he smiles when his attention falls to megumi - little boy appears not to be happy with this encounter. who does this man thinks he is? maybe megumi didn’t want to learn how to swim, it doesn’t mean that he is willing to share you when he just got you away from two men on the beach (he is not old enough to rationalize that what he is feeling is jealousy; you never noticed but, geto and gojo excluded, he never liked how other men talk to you in the first place).

a handsome stranger doesn’t seem taken aback by the attitude from megumi, and for a seven-year-old, your little boy has a mean death stare.

“he is very cute, what is his name?”

“he’s megumi,” you give him your name as well and extend the arm for introduction. before a man can even respond, megumi is tugging your arm away and whines, speaking loud enough for satoru and suguru to hear, who, unbeknownst to you, have been watching the interaction this whole time (spoiler – they are not very happy about it but proud of the kid, truly an oscar-worthy performance).

“mommy, i want to learn how to swim now!”

you think you heard him wrong – he has never called you this before. if it happened any other time, you think you would’ve cried tears of happiness. now it only makes you feel stupor. how does he even know to call you mommy in this situation? megumi has always been the most well-behaved one out of all four kids, the disbelief at his attitude is written all over your face. what is he playing at?

“oh, i’m sorry, i didn’t realize he was your kid,” the man says but hurries to add, “i adore children though; i work at a pre-school. hi megumi, my name is rei.”

the boy looks at the outstretched hand the man offered like it personally offended him. all of a sudden, he points to the beach where satoru and suguru seat and announces, yet again loud enough for them to hear.

“my daddies are just right there!”

what happened to “he’s not my dad?” you think in panic.

you’re not sure if gojo and geto can hear the full conversation, but they wave back at you anyways. rei moves his gaze from you to megumi to two men on the beach, trying to decide if he should believe it or not. you, on the other hand, are speechless and currently wishing someone would be kind enough to curse you right now, or for the ground to split and swallow you whole with how hot and embarrassed you feel. megumi is so grounded today. you can feel the inner temperature rise to the inappropriate levels, feeling like a kettle that is about to overheat – you don’t wait for rei’s response while saying awkward “bye, nice meeting you!” and rushing away.

“welcome back, mommy,” satoru teases when you settle back at your spot. megumi is sitting on the opposite side of you, munching on the watermelon like he didn’t just make an absolute fool out of you in front of a random man. you try your best to ignore satoru, but his comment only makes you groan, sound almost bordering a sob.

“please, for the love of everything holy, don’t say another word. i bet it was you who put this idea into his head.”

“you know as well as we do that you can’t make megumi do anything he doesn’t want to,” gojo responds with the knowing smirk, and you only sink into yourself further. your face is burning up, and now you think it’s not because megumi’s whole afternoon mission was apparently to embarrass you in front of a stranger but because of what he said. the shock of the moment is finally dissipating, instead giving the space to indescribable tenderness. you will have to cry about it later on your own so to save yourself further shame, you hide your face behind your hat and lay down, contemplating how this one simple word somehow turned all of your insides upside down.

what you fail to notice is the proud smile satoru shoots to megumi, mouthing “good job” and suguru passing him his favorite candy knowing he’s not allowed to eat it before dinner.

you feel absolutely drained. after the incident with megumi, you stayed in the same position until the kids started complaining that they were hungry. the sun is getting low, painting the skies ochre and pink, giving everyone its glowing kiss. you dare to peek at satoru and suguru, and they looked almost ethereal – sunshine dancing on satoru’s white eyelashes as he dries tsumiki with a towel and nodding enthusiastically at the collection of shells she is showing him, while suguru tries to untie nanako’s wet hair so he can wrap a towel around it. mimiko slowly drags her legs towards you, poor girl absolutely exhausted, and as soon as you open your arms to embrace her with a towel of her own, she plops against you and almost momentarily falls asleep.

suguru offers to carry her home, but you wave him off, asking to grab megumi’s hand instead.

“i am not cooking once we get home, we better buy food now or we can drive into the city.”

“ugh, i don’t think i have the strength to drive,” satoru whines like he is the youngest out of the bunch. “let’s just buy something here, it smells pretty good.”

suguru only hums in agreement, listening to nanako and tsumiki argue about who got the most shells (both fail to count their shells correctly), and with that, your dinner plans are decided with satoru ordering your food from the stall nearby.

“what do we say when someone gets you food?”

“thank you, gojo-san!” three little voices echo each other, and you’re surprised even megumi joined in. the way back home is quick as you’re standing in front of your door in no time.

“oh my god, my legs are killing me,” you complain as you pass the threshold of the house. mimiko has been sleeping in your arms the whole way back, and you don’t know if you should wake her up and ask her to eat, or if you should just let her sleep. you can still smell the ocean on her skin, and you decide it’s best for her hygiene and your peace of mind that she is clean before she goes to bed too so with a heavy heart, you’re gently shaking her awake once you sit down on the couch.

“hey sweetie, we’re home. let’s eat, bathe and then i’ll put you back to bed, yeah?” her eyes are unfocused as she opens them, and she’s letting out a long yawn before slowly nodding her head and getting up.

“okay, everyone, go wash your hands, dinner will be ready soon,” suguru says from where he already stands in the kitchen, and all four pairs of legs excitedly hurry away.

“i hope the adventure today is enough to put them all to sleep right away,” you wistfully say.

“with their tummies full, i’m sure they will pass out in no time,” suguru says back while satoru circles around him to grab the plates from the overhead cupboards. you want to get up and help but looking at them like this, all domestic and familiar, the side of the strongest sorcerers only you get to see, makes you stall for a second to appreciate this moment for a little longer. the dull ache in your chest starts throbbing again as if someone’s picking at the rough edges that never seem to fully heal, and you wonder if you could have it all if you were a little more selfish. you shake your head banishing all unnecessary thoughts from your head.

the dinner is eaten quickly, everyone so hungry, you barely exchange any words. you can see the children are struggling to keep their eyes open, tsumiki almost falling face first into the plate, so you make a quick work of their unfinished dinner and hurry them into a bathtub. megumi insists he is old enough to take a bath separately from the girls so you ask either satoru or suguru to help him (megumi makes it known who he prefers by grabbing suguru’s hand and dragging him to the second bathroom). bath time is also surprisingly quiet, low energy in the room being an indicator of just how exhausted everyone is.

with the kids finally tucked into bed (megumi apologized for misbehaving, and you think about how far you’ve come with the boy who wouldn’t utter a full sentence to you for the first 6 months), you grab the beer from the fridge and make your way onto the patio where satoru and suguru are already engaged in conversation.

they turn their heads toward you once you step outside and offer you the space between them which you gladly take. you can see suguru is nursing his own beer, while satoru opted out for a bottle of virgin mojito.

“did neither of you really ask megumi to call me “mommy” today?” you wonder out loud as you’re looking out into the horizon, where the last rays of sun melt into the ocean, clearing the canvas for the stars to spark to life.

“nah, you know how stubborn that kid is,” satoru drawls as he takes another sip of the drink; you scrunch your nose just imagining how sweet that concoction is but smile, nonetheless. “plus, it was nice being called a dad.”

both you and suguru turn to look at him, but he stubbornly keeps staring forward. you snort, seeing geto’s smile in your peripheral vision, but there is no malice behind your action. both you and suguru always knew that gojo cared in the same capacity as the two of you for the kids, he was just a little more stubborn about admitting it. you can see it in the way he handles them after they wake up from nightmares (because he knows the same thing haunts him), how he packs them lunches to school when neither you or suguru are able to do it (i know i am not as great of a cook as those two but it’s better than buying stuff from the store), how he allows them to have sweets from his secret stash when everyone else (even you and geto) are not permitted to even think about it. the two of you always knew how much he cared – satoru just needed a little push to say it out loud.

you’re about to say something witty but suguru speaks up first.

“would you have continued flirting with that man if it wasn’t for megumi?”

“flirting? i wasn’t flirting with him!”

“whatever, talking,” geto waves a hand at you like it’s all unimportant details. “would you?”

the air suddenly feels charged with electricity, years of longing and yearning threaten to rip everything at the seams. you tried so hard to move past them, move past your silly little crush, failing miserably. not that dating other people was an option for you anyways – you are sure anyone, upon hearing that you take care of four small children at only age 21, will run away in the opposite direction. it’s a good thing it didn’t matter to you either way – the kids became an integral part of your life, and you would not give them up for anything. but sometimes, just sometimes, when the loneliness creeps into the parts of your bones that have no space for it, when the heart becomes a little too big for your own chest trying to escape through rushed beats, when you tremble from how longing encompasses your whole being, you wonder how it would feel if romantic love was made for you too.

you tilt your head to look at suguru, trying to find something in his face. he doesn’t know why he asked that question – maybe it’s the sun rush of the day, the good mood he’s been in recently or how that man looked at your body – but it felt right. and he knows he’s being selfish without discussing it with satoru beforehand, but he’s so tired of hiding, so tired of pretending like he doesn’t dream of waking up next to your warm bodies, so tired of thinking about what ifs and could haves - asking that question only felt right.

“no, i don’t think i would’ve returned his sentiment,” you simply state and hope that they would leave it at that. you know they never do.

���why?” it’s satoru’s turn in this interrogation, and he looks at you in a way that makes your pulse pick up its pace.

“because…” you don’t know what you’re supposed to say. because you’re in love with your best friends? have been since you were 16 years old? you’ve been carrying the weight of unrequited love for so long now, you think you’re afraid what will happen to the space it occupies if you confess. you hope you know them enough to realize they will not make fun of you for your confession, at most making lighthearted jokes about how they always knew you were not immune to their charms, but your palms are getting sweaty just anticipating their reaction.

“because?” satoru nudges you again, and you dare to steal a glance into his baby blues. satoru’s eyes have been compared to the most prized sapphires, an ocean that will never be fully explored, the skies that are bigger than life itself – all the metaphors that describe him to the outside world perfectly. however for you, his eyes are the color of blueberries that he painstakingly picks out of tsumiki’s desserts and gives to megumi; they are the color of his favorite shirt that is more gray now than blue with how much he washed it but refuses to throw away; it’s the blue ribbons he picked out for nanako’s and mimiko’s hair for their first day of school. you look into his eyes and see a sparkle of something familiar, something you’ve seen in your eyes times and times before, staring back from the reflection in the mirror.

unexpectedly, you feel dizzy and don’t know if it’s the summer breeze that makes your head feel heavy, the alcohol swimming in your veins, or the present company, but you’re brought back to when you were all 16 and innocent, to the moment before the steady ground was violently ripped from right underneath your feet. you think about amanai and that she still loved and cared despite knowing how all of it would end for her. you think about haibara, and how he was full of promise and life and so, so much love, you almost feel sick again.

you’re quiet as you contemplate, and the men don’t interrupt your train of thoughts. memories flash before your eyes like snapshots of old cameras, making them wonder where you have gone off to.

but then you think about how it ended, for the both of your friends, in blood and violence and guilt, their life threads cut short before either of them knew what life even is. amanai and haibara didn’t get enough time to figure it all out: have they loved anyone the way you love satoru and suguru? would have they have had time to figure it out if it was a fair world?

you can feel your best friends’ body heat wrap around you, encapsulating you in their scent and presence, and you decide you’d like to stay like this forever. you think about everyone who didn’t get to spend another hour with someone they love, and you realize you’d regret it your whole life if something happens and they didn’t know how they make you feel. and with the life you lead, something can happen at any moment. you steady your hands and take a deep breath, reading yourself. now or never.

“because i am in love with you two, and i have been since we were 16.”

you close your eyes, waiting for the laugh to come, for them to say oh, you little silly girl, to chastise you for falling for the only two people that will never be yours. you wait and wait but nothing comes. instead, you feel someone’s knuckles brushing lightly against yours and gasp, opening your eyes. what you didn’t expect to see is your two best friends looking at you as if they are seeing you for the first time, their lips stretch in smiles so wide, it looks like it’s supposed to hurt. and eyes, their eyes, say so much without them needing to say anything at all.

“so… what you’re saying is that we’ve been blue balling each other since we were 16?”

“ohmygodsatorupleasestop,” words leave your mouth all jumbled up, you’re sure they didn’t understand what you said. gojo might be a little crude but the meaning behind his childish metaphor is not lost on you – three of you have been oblivious to each other’s feelings for five years now, and a pang of regret shoots through you. how different would everything be if you were brave enough to confess all those years ago?

“have both of you really known since you were 16?”

“yes.”

“yes.”

both of them say it with such conviction, you feel yourself get lightheaded. you don’t want to cry but tears are pooling in your eyes involuntarily, and you sniff a little into satoru’s shoulder.

“aw, why are you crying? i thought we all finally agreed to be happy,” suguru coos at you from the side. the warmth of your hand in his still feels unreal – like it’s someone else’s arm attached to him, and he‘s just observing as a passer-by. he brushes your knuckles with the pads of his fingers and it feels right, how your digits perfectly intervene with his and how your head fits just right into the crook of satoru’s neck, and how your lips look so perfectly kissable and shiny right now. but he doesn’t want to rush the fragility of the moment, so he only squeezes your hand tighter.

“because we could’ve had this all this time… if we were just a little braver.”

“don’t you think we are already brave enough, all the time?” satoru asks this time. “maybe it’s okay for us to be a little cowardly, even if it’s not entirely good for us. we have next memory to look forward to anyways.” gojo lifts your head and looks into your teary eyes – you’re so beautiful, it almost hurts. he let his daydreams to be full of you and your lips and your touch, that it takes everything in him not to cross the distance in a searing kiss. but he knows it’s not the right moment, so he just swipes your tears away and kisses you on the forehead. behind you, you can feel suguru’s lips gently touch your exposed shoulder.

and just like that, all worries dissipate like sand through the cracks between fingers. what is the point of worrying about the past when you have future full of love in front of you? you don’t know what tomorrow holds for three of you with your souls now bare for each other, but you have the time to discover it together. for now, you’re content with this moment, salty ocean breeze dancing on your skin, the warmth of suguru’s palm in yours and satoru’s shoulder lulling you to sleep, and you think that maybe you’ve always meant to end up here, between them.

© rinniessance do not steal, plagiarize or translate my works. do not recommend me on tiktok, thank you

[nayatarot777]

Lilith in Taurus/2nd House

this is intuitive astrology. meaning that i’m making these notes based on what i intuitively pick up about this astrological point being merged with these signs. take it with a grain of salt and understand that you might not relate to everything that i get from your placement 🖤

Astrology Masterlist

taurus is all about the physical realm, as it’s an earth sign. taurus energy is related to your physical senses, your physical appearance in terms of aesthetics, food, personal income + money - security, basically. everything that you need on a basic level to feel secure and comfortable as a person.

therefore, the experience of having lilith in taurus is one that includes people shaming you for wanting to feel comfortable and secure. people shaming your aesthetic, shaming you for wanting to look good, for wanting to make money, for wanting to enjoy the literal basic luxuries of life - even down to the food that you eat.

people made you feel ashamed for wanting to savour things - like the meals that you had. this placement will have people not liking when you seem comfortable and content. it’s hater energy to the fullest degree, coming from people who feel like they can’t relax and enjoy the simple joys of life themselves. so why should you, right?🙄

^ you ever had a parent (or anyone else for that matter) not enjoy you sleeping, eating, lounging around, and relaxing? no matter how much you may have worked hard for that entire week or month or few months even - as soon as they see you relaxing, it’s a problem. this is why. your lilith energy is a reflection of what they feel like they don’t have for themselves. they don’t have peace so they try to disturb yours.

your peace triggers people fr. when people can tell that you’re content in a situation or with life in general, they’ll bring some bs your way to disrupt that. of course these are usually people who are always in chaotic situations or who are just chaotic people mentally + emotionally themselves. they get jealous of you being the opposite (or at least seeming that way).

lilith in taurus/2nd house can also bring shame around food. it always reminds me of secret eating habits. i have lilith in taurus and i don’t like to eat in front of people. and this is all due to the fact that my father (i call him my sperm donor 🙃) would try to make me feel like i’m being greedy when i ate anything that i enjoyed. even if it was a regular portion of something. mind you, he’d get the munchies and eat everything in the house - even food that i bought myself for me or my little sister or brother. you see how no matter what lilith placement you have, people project what they know about themselves onto you, related to the energy of that sign or house?

lilith in taurus can definitely indicate eating disorders. a cycle between not eating anywhere near enough (basically starving yourself) to eating too much in one go - also known as binge eating.

you were also shamed for wanting things. maybe even accused of being ‘spoiled’. and you’re looking at these people who accuse you of that like “spoiled where? 🤨”. it’s because these toxic ass people didn’t want us to have the basic necessities of life. especially if you have toxic parents. you needing the basics is needing “too much” for these people. this may be why you feel like you can’t ever really truly enjoy what you have now. because there’s a subconscious belief that you “shouldn’t” have whatever you have. or that you don’t deserve it or some bs like that.

^ this can definitely pertain to money too. you may want money but when you get it, you blow it all too quickly on things that you’re not entirely happy with buying. it’s because you don’t know how to handle having money and feeling like you deserve that money. so you get rid of it as quickly as possible. remember what i said about being shamed for holding onto things that you enjoyed? for savouring the fact that you have something? now you feel like you can’t even enjoy what you have, so you cycle and blow through possessions and spending money. because you don’t feel right just enjoying the feeling of having it because of this shame.

people view you as someone who already has “too much” - even if you don’t have enough. they view you as someone who has ‘too much’ money, ‘too much’ beauty (as taurus is ruled by the planet venus), ‘too much’ peace, ‘too much’ stability. ‘too much’ power with your money, beauty, and your voice.

^ a lot of people with lilith in taurus/2nd house have really nice voices. you may experience people mistaking your regular tone or your friendly tone as a flirty or seductive tone. shit’s annoying.

taurus also rules your physical body. people will be jealous of this. doesn’t matter if you don’t fit into the standard of beauty when it comes to your body type. your body is attractive no matter what size, what shape, etc. if you’re a woman especially, you may have noticed how other women’s energy switches up when you wear something that shows your shape or your body more visibly. bitches be HATING. your body, your face, your aesthetic, your voice, your hair - everything to do with your appearance is a force to be reckoned with. which leads me to my next point:

people don’t like when we make ourselves look good. this placement always gives me the energy of people accusing us of “doing too much” when we wear makeup, or when we wear certain outfits. just when we dress up. because, again, we’re already perceived as people who have “too much” beauty. if you ever meet anyone like that, then FUCK THEM. they’re wanting to shame you just because they feel like they could never reach your level of beauty, and you’re making it harder for them to compete in their imaginary competition with you (unbeknownst to you) by making yourself more beautiful??? girl…👀

men who are intimidated by your beauty will also try to say slick shit about your clothes, your hair, or something about your physical appearance. you know when insecure men feel like you’re out of their league, so they have to try to “humble” you by negging you or some shit? they assume that you’re used to people treating you like you’re the prettiest/most attractive person in the room, so they have to be the one person who tries to bring you down because they’ve ASSUMED that you usually get put up on a pedestal. a pedestal that makes you unreachable to them.

^ you’ll probably experience this from women too who are in competition with you, but when it comes from men, it’s because they’re attracted to you but they feel like you wouldn’t be attracted to them. it’s coming from that perceived rejection that insecure men can never handle correctly 😂

your ability to dress in the way that you wanted to and to have the aesthetic that you wanted was also suppressed. that may be why you’re never happy with the clothes that you have. because they don’t actually resonate with you.

lilith in this sign/house denotes a very dark aesthetic, or one that just rebels against the ‘normal’ way of dressing and doing your makeup (or lack thereof) or your hair. so when you don’t embrace that, you’re going to have an issue with the way that you look. a dissatisfaction more than anything.

^ anybody else experience being treated like you were the biggest ‘slut’ for even showing a tiny bit of skin? you could wear a crop top and people will look at you like you stepped out of the house butt naked.

lilith in taurus or the 2nd house always reminds me of sex workers too. people who use their sexuality to gain personal income. or people who use a sexual aesthetic to make money. think of certain types of instagram models, dominatrix work (especially financial dominatrixes), strippers, etc. i feel like lilith in scorpio/8th house is more of an indication of sex work that involves actually having sex with clients for money (like prostitution). whereas lilith in taurus/2nd house is moreso using the aesthetics and image of being sexual to make money. i hope that makes sense 😂

[strawberrysturniolo]

bookstore // bf!chris

summary: when you're having a shitty week, your bf, chris, takes you bookshopping for some retail therapy

The past week has been complete fucking hell, and the worst part, is that I don’t even know why.

It feels like the world has been against me in every way, piling the most ridiculous things on top of me like I’m laughing stock, being used for someone else’s entertainment.

It’s not fucking funny. 

I have fully accepted defeat at this point, keeping myself secure in my room until it is deemed safe to leave.

My boyfriend, Chris, has been adamant on me going about my days like nothing is affecting me. As supportive as he is, and as much as I love him, I sometimes wish he would just let me wallow in peace and feel sorry for myself. That’s just not how he is though. 

“There you areee,” he sings as he comes into my bedroom with a hand behind his back.

I peek up over the blankets swarming me, trying to look around him and see what he is hiding from me. “What’s that?”

He grins. “Get out of bed and I’ll show you.”

I groan and lay back down, pulling the blankets back up.

Chris lets out a sigh and says, “Fine… I guess I’ll just have to drink this iced brown sugar oat milk chai tea latte myself…”

Damn it.

“Wait.”

I can picture the smile on his face. “Yes?”

“Leave the drink,” I command.

He tsks. “Come to the living room and you can have it.”

He wins this time. 

I pull myself out of the comfort of my bed and drag myself to the living room. He sets the drink down on the table and waits for me to retrieve it, and when I do, he says, “We’re getting you out of your bed today.”

“And how do you plan on achieving that?” I ask over the lid of my latte.

“By taking you to the bookstore.”

My eyes nearly fall out of their sockets. 

Chris hates going book shopping with me. While he often praises me for my interest, saying it’s adorable and that he can’t help but stare at me while my expressions change throughout the book I’m indulging in, he cannot stand going shopping with me. What turns into a basic trip to pick up one or two books turns into a three hour excursion with handfuls of books being carried out, and hundreds of dollars drained from my account. 

“You’re kidding.” I know better than to take him seriously in this situation.

“The opposite,” he surprises me. “I don’t want to worry about how you’re feeling, so we’re going to do some retail therapy with books. Plus, I don’t know when you’ve eaten, so we’re gonna get some lunch too. My treat.”

My cheeks blush at the idea of Chris wanting to shower me in his love today. He loves taking me to get something to eat, spending his money on me whether it’s a $10 chick-fil-a meal or a fancy steak dinner. While some boyfriends send their partner money to get their nails done, mine sends me some every so often to treat me to books. 

I always insist that he doesn’t need to, but Chris fights back every time, saying he has more money than he knows what to do with, and that I deserve to be spoiled, especially by him. 

I used to fight him on it, but I know better than to do that now. It always ends in a stupid fight, and I know he is doing this out of love, so the last thing I want is to turn into something negative. 

“Okay,” I give in, heading back to my room to change.

“I knew that would get you!”

–

Chris’ arms are full with books that I have accumulated since walking into the store. He sets them down every few minutes to stretch his arms and crack his knuckles, and I can tell he’s biting his tongue to keep from complaining. 

He watches me and nods along as I explain every book that I look at. He seemed interested in the first few, but as the list grew, I can tell he’s forcing himself to pay attention.

Feeling guilty that he isn’t enjoying his time and he is sucking it up just for me, I say, “Okay, let’s get out of here soon so your arms don’t fall off.”

“Baby, it’s fine,” he assures me. “I’ll buy a bag if I have to. Keep doing your thing. I can go look at something else in the store that interests me while you shop, but don’t feel like you need to cut your time short for me. The whole reason we are here is to cheer you up.” 

“I don’t want to spend all your money.”

“You aren’t,” he insists for the thousandth time. “And if you keep yourself from getting books because you feel bad, I’m going to come back and buy them for you anyway, so you may as well get them now.”

There’s no way around him. 

Another 20 minutes passes, and at this point, my body is starting to give out, so I can’t imagine how Chris is feeling after lugging books around. “How many do you have?” I ask, looking back at my boyfriend who struggles to keep up as we head to the checkout line.

“Twelve,” he says, sighing as he sets them on the counter to be scanned. I add two more to the top of the pile. “This is insane, you know that right?”

“You were the one who said ‘I insist! My treat!’”

He rolls his eyes, laughing as he swipes his card. “Yeah, yeah.” 

– 

The rest of the day is spent with me organizing my bookshelves, scanning the backs of each book to decide what to read while Chris orders takeout. It only seemed right that we ate something at home since he continued to let me know how exhausted he was after shopping. 

I practically inhaled my meal just so I could start reading one of my new books, sitting right next to Chris on the couch, who was still dissecting his food. 

Every so often, I can feel Chris staring at me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “You’re doing that thing.”

“What thing?”

He sets his plate down on the TV tray in front of him, then looks back at me. “I always know something good is happening in the book when you scrunch your nose. It’s cute.”

I cover my face with my book, now embarrassed at my outward reactions when I read, something I had no clue I even did. 

“Noooooo, don’t hide,” he says, pulling the book down so he can see me again. 

He moves to sit closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder as he stares down at the pages with me, placing soft kisses on my cheek every so often before letting himself become just as invested in the story as I do. 

[rookie98writes]

Leave It On

Relationship: Hatake Kakashi x fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit - Minors DNI

Warnings: smut, teasing, vaginal fingering, doggy-style, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, praise kink, dirty talk, breeding kink, POV Kakashi

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: A happily-married Hokage, Kakashi is finally secure in his present, and ready to think of his future.

AO3 Link

“You were great tonight, Lord Sixth.”

Kakashi pursed his lips as he leveled a tired stare at you in the mirror’s reflection. You met his eyes and smiled sweetly, letting your hair out of the intricate style you’d worn tonight.

The two of you had just gotten home from a fundraiser that the elders had managed to convince Kakashi to host for the good of the village. He understood that if he wanted to move forward with the effort to improve communication channels among the five great nations, it was going to cost money. Fine. But what he didn’t understand was why he had to dress up and socialize to actually earn that money.

“I’ve only officially had the title for a few months,” Kakashi sighed as he eagerly removed the cumbersome Hokage hat, “but I would be thrilled to never be called ‘Lord’ again.”

You set down your hairpin and stood, turning to face your husband. Admiration and a hint of teasing were in your eyes as you reached up to wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“I know you aren’t comfortable in situations like that. But the things you're doing are going to do so much good for Konoha. It will benefit not just us, but future generations as well.”

Kakashi’s entire body flushed at your sultry tone. He knew exactly what you were doing, not that you were trying to hide it.

It wasn’t long after Kakashi’s instatement as Hokage that the topic of children came up. The old-fashioned elders thought it was their place to comment on Kakashi’s responsibility to carry on his bloodline, reasoning that now he was not only the last of his clan, but he was a leader of the village, and it was important that he leave a ‘legacy.’

Whatever that was supposed to mean.

Kakashi dismissed them with far less decorum than their positions called for, leaving Shikamaru chuckling and Shizune as white as a sheet. But he would be lying if he said the thought of reviving his clan didn’t stir pride in his chest. And the idea of taking you to bed with the intention of getting you pregnant caused a different stirring a bit lower than his chest.

After all, we’re in an era of peace, he reasoned. And with a partner like you, parenthood didn’t seem so frightening.

It had struck him in that moment, how lucky he was to have made you his wife. Not that his feelings were any different before your marriage; he had never felt that he deserved someone as bright and kind as you, and the fact that you’d married him sometimes felt like a dream.

And later that night, when he broached the topic of children and your face lit up, he hoped the dream would never end.

You stood on your tiptoes, kissing him and bringing him back to the present. His hands immediately latched to your waist to pull you closer. He felt you smile against his mouth, your lips parting and your fingers slowly tracing up the back of his neck to grip the roots of the hair at the nape of his neck. Your tongue brushed against his at the same time as you rubbed your thigh against his lap, and Kakashi felt his cock twitch under his robes.

Kakashi’s duties as Hokage meant that the two of you only had limited opportunities for intimacy—he too often found himself exhausted or preoccupied or buried under so much paperwork that he didn’t even make it home.

But tonight, none of those things were true.

He wasn’t tired. He wasn’t preoccupied. And the only place he planned to be buried was between your legs.

Kakashi broke the kiss and leaned away just far enough to disrobe. He pulled his Hokage cloak over his head and let it flutter unceremoniously to the floor. It was a warm summer night, so he’d only worn a light undershirt and standard jōnin pants underneath, both of which quickly landed in a heap with the cloak.

You giggled and slowly brought your hand from the back of his neck around to his chest, your palm and fingertips appreciating every centimeter on your journey. “That’s better,” you grinned, admiring the sight of your nearly naked husband.

He could feel as your gaze ran all over his body, but his own line of sight didn’t budge. His eyes were locked on the mirror behind you, gifting him with the reflection of your back; your curves draped in navy and his clan’s crest brandished on your back.

It was that sight that caused Kakashi’s inner possessive side to stretch its limbs and unfurl its wings, overtaking his typical unaffected state of mind and making him feel only primal desire. You wore the Hatake crest proudly—not for the status of being the Hokage’s wife, but for the joy of being Kakashi’s wife.

Mine.

You started to untie the obi around your waist, but Kakashi quickly reached out and stilled your movements. You curiously looked up at Kakashi’s face, and he growled his response.

“Leave it on.”

He saw you visibly shiver, a shallow gulp of air inhaled in a weak attempt at controlling your arousal. He slowly shifted the placement of his hands, watching in the reflection as his fingers possessively traced your outline. There was something so lewd about it—you; refined and pristine in your pretty yukata, and him; barbaric and savage in only his underwear.

And he liked it very much.

Kakashi looked down at you and smirked before repositioning you further, manhandling you to face the bed and placing himself at your back, nearly breathing down your neck in anticipation. He reached his right hand under your skirt, sliding his fingertips up the length of your plush thigh until he was met with the dampness soaking your panties. He couldn’t hold back a decadent groan as he rubbed at your wet core through the fabric.

This is mine.

“Now these…” He hooked one finger around the crotch of your panties. “These I want off.”

Kakashi tugged to get your panties down to your knees, wetness sticking to your thighs and trailing down with the garment. Before he had a chance to tell you to drop them the rest of the way, you were rubbing your thighs together and shimmying the panties down to your ankles.

His impatient fingers waded through the silky wetness at your entrance. “Fuck, have you been like this all night?”

“I can’t help it,” you moaned, squirming in his hold. “I just want you.”

Kakashi hummed, then pinched your clit between his slick fingers. “Want me to put a baby in you, you mean?”

“Kakashi!” you giggled, letting your head fall back on his shoulder. Your tone was breathy as you whispered, “Please fuck me.”

He wanted to keep toying with you, but that request was too good to pass up. Still, the petulant little whine you made when he took his fingers away made him want to completely dominate you.

“On the bed, sweetheart,” he directed as he wiped your warm arousal all over his cock. “On all fours for me.”

You climbed onto the bed, your yukata stretching over your ass as you arranged yourself to his liking. The corner of Kakashi’s mouth quirked into a predatory smile as he rid himself of his briefs and stood directly behind you.

“That’s it,” he purred, rubbing his callused palm over the soft material covering your butt as he appreciated the Hatake symbol displayed so prominently on your back. “What a good little wife you are, offering your body for me to use to revive my clan.”

His other hand joined the first, groping the round flesh.

“Don’t tease,” you begged.

Kakashi prowled onto the bed behind you, taking the hem of your yukata in his hands and roughly bunching it up to your waist. He placed his knees between yours and pushed them apart to spread your messy little cunt wider.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N.”

All at once, his hands grabbed your waist as he lifted his hips to line himself up with your opening. He didn’t pause before forcing the red mushroom tip between your puffy folds, your body greedily pulling him in deeper.

The moan that passed your lips was like music to his ears. No matter how many times he sunk into you, he would never get tired of that sweet sound you made when the ridge of his cockhead breached your entrance.

“Fuck, you always feel so good,” he huffed, pushing deeper inside. “I love the way your body feels.”

You looked so unbelievably beautiful beneath him. You always did, but his usual view of your soft, bare skin didn’t have the same effect as seeing his stamp of ownership on you.

Not that your naked body wasn’t quite possibly his favorite sight in the world; tits bouncing, muscles clenching, chest heaving with every breath. Your pretty face blushing so deeply, the color spreading down your neck and up to your ears.

Gods, he loved you more than he thought he could love anyone, and your soft skin was his safe haven. He wanted to give you pleasure until you couldn’t take it anymore.

But this—your bare ass in the air, presented for him to fuck; your upper body wrapped in his colors like a holiday present, his name bold between your shoulders—how was he supposed to resist taking what was his?

And better yet, why should he resist?

She belongs to me.

He buried his entire length in your welcoming hole. Your pussy was twitching around him, tightening and squeezing to adjust to his intrusion. His cock always felt like it just barely fit; like your insides were molded just for him.

“I love you, Y/N,” he cooed as his hips met the curves of your ass, “and I’m going to put a baby in you.”

He tightened his grip around your waist and held you still as he pulled out, his cock shiny with your juices that were already dripping down your thighs. He licked his lips as he pounded back into you, causing matching sounds of pleasure from each of you.

“Aah!” you gasped. “Again, please!”

He began rolling his hips with his full strength, his fingers surely bruising the soft skin of your waist while his hips did the same to your ass. Over and over he thrust his hips forward, at the same time yanking you backward, your bodies meeting with a loud, wet smack with increasing speed.

When he found that perfect rhythm that had you chanting praises, he kept steady and let his fingers curl into you in a loving hold. He marveled at how you let yourself be completely at his mercy. You’d already been everything for him, and soon, you were going to be the mother of his child.

Well, children, plural. Because you’d look so absolutely perfect pregnant with his child, and he did have a clan to revive. From a strategic standpoint, it only made sense to put as many children into you as physically possible, within the laws of time and nature.

“Y/N,” he grunted. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. You’re so goddamn beautiful and you’re going to be fucking gorgeous pregnant with my child.”

“K-Kashi!”

He grinned. “My sweet, pretty wife. Gods, I have no idea how I got you. But you’re mine. Wearing my crest all over the village. Like you want everyone to know who fucks you into a blubbering mess.”

“Kakashi!”

“Mmmm I can’t wait to show you off when your belly starts showing. I want the whole village to know what I did to you. I’ll make sure they know. They won’t be able to look at you without picturing me on top of you, mounting you and working your cute little hole open with my thick cock.”

Kakashi listened to the desperate way you were panting as you tossed your hips back to crash against his pelvis, your walls clenching in with every filthy thing he said.

“Everyone will see you carrying my baby, and they’ll know that you spread your legs for me and let me fuck my seed into your fertile little cunt—that you let me use you to restore my clan. Is that what you want?”

“Hn-ahh! Y-yes…”

“Tell me, Y/N,” he smirked. “Tell me you’re mine, and you want me to breed you.”

“P-please Kashi, please put a baby in me! I’m yours; please give me your babies.”

Your pleading little voice begging him to breed you made him feel more uninhibited than any alcohol ever had. Kakashi was utterly drunk with power and desire, and you were going to get the full brunt of it just like you were asking for.

Digging his fingers into you like you were nothing more than a pleasure toy, Kakashi started slamming you into his thrusting hips with absolute abandon. You started yelping and mewling beneath him, but that wasn’t all he wanted to hear. Not anymore.

“So goddamn pretty. All for me. Asking me to fuck you until you’re pregnant,” he taunted you. “My gorgeous girl wants me to fill her with cum?”

“Gods please!”

“Beg for it, Y/N.”

“Kakashi!” He could hear every heaving breath you took as you tried to form a complete sentence, fucked too stupid on his fat cock to even ask for more. “Please, baby, please please please please…”

You were nothing more than a babbling, whimpering mess. The cutest babbling, whimpering mess he could ever hope to dream of touching.

“I want to hear it, sweetheart. I need to hear it.”

“Ka…Kashi…please cum in me.”

His eyes rolled back into his head, his brain completely fogged with wild, desperate lust. He could see it in his mind, his cock pulsing inside of you, pumping you full of his sticky white seed. His dick twitched like it wanted him to know it would be more than happy to do exactly what he was thinking. But not yet; he wasn’t done with you.

“Fuck, your pussy is so fucking warm. So wet for me. Gods, Y/N, I want to put a dozen babies in you. At least.”

“As many as you want,” you panted.

“Your perfect little cunt can take it, right Y/N? It can handle my cock pounding deep inside you, filling you with cum every single night?”

“Aaah! I—Haaaa!”

You squealed as he aimed the bulbous head of his penis to batter into your cervix, abusing the furthest reaches and dragging against your g-spot with each in-and-out. Kakashi’s balls were heavy as they bounced off of your quivering thighs.

“Fuck, I’m gonna flood your fertile little cunt with my seed, and you're going to carry my child. Then you’ll truly be mine, bound to me forever.”

“Please, I-I want it—” Your walls fluttered around him, and he knew he already had you on the edge. Your broken little whimpers had him grinning like a fool. “Ohhh don’t stop,” you panted, “Please—please, don’t stop!”

“I’m not going to stop,” he promised. He leaned forward, keeping one hand on your waist and the other overtaking your hand, his fingers lacing over yours as he continued plowing into you. “I’m not going to stop until the Hatake clan is the strongest in the Leaf. Do you understand?”

“Haaa—yes!”

“You gonna be a good little wife and cream all over my cock?”

“Yes!”

“And then let me cum deep in your precious little cunt?”

“Please!!”

“Good girl,” he groaned beside your ear. “Go on, baby. Cum on my cock and milk me dry.”

His depraved command pushed you right over the edge, his name a ragged scream on your lips as you clutched to the hand he’d put over yours. And you did exactly what he told you to; your pussy clamping down on him and sucking him for all he was worth.

Kakashi’s orgasm hit him like a punch to the gut. He took his hand away from yours and titled your head to face his. His lips captured yours as he felt his seed erupt from his cock, his balls contracting to force the full volume inside of you. You whined against his mouth, completely captive while he pumped every drop as deep as possible. His greedy tongue slid between your lips, savoring the kiss as his cock pulsed one last time.

Completely drained, Kakashi gently laid you down onto your stomach. He leaned back for one last admiring look at his name on your back, now paired with his cum dripping from your pussy.

All mine.

“I have a good feeling about that one,” he grinned, sliding in beside you to cradle you to his chest.

“Oh yeah?” you teased. “So do I.”

inspired by this ask, for which anon has already accepted their medal of valor. anon, i hope this was worth the wait. ❤️

► masterlist

[dollyyss]

can you please do headcanons of what it would be like dating the main five boys?

Yes yes yes a million times yes

I’m sleepy, I promise I’ll edit this if needed tomorrow.

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙏𝙎 𝙇𝙄𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙈𝘼𝙄𝙉 𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍 + 𝘽𝙐𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎

𝙀𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 ₊ ⊹

𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥! 𝙃𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝘼𝙐‧₊˚✩彡

𝙆𝙮𝙡𝙚, 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣, 𝙆𝙚𝙣𝙣𝙮, 𝘾𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨𐙚

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: very slight talk of nsfw in Kenny’s part!

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

Kyle 🐇𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒🪐

- he’s dominate. But.. not in just that sense. I mean he takes care of you. Willingly. He’s constantly walking you to class, brining extra things for you because he knows you forget, so he has those extra pencils for you, notebooks. When the two of you walk side by side and he notices your shoe lace is untied he stops you immediately to bend down to tie it right back up. When you’re tired.. your in his arms immediately being led back to his car to take you back home. He’ll feed you sometimes. He just loves you, he wants to take care of you in every aspect.

- he’s gentle, he ensures that his communication with you is always considerate and kind. He listens attentively, acknowledges your viewpoint, and refrains from speaking harshly or being dismissive. Kyle shows genuine empathy towards your feelings, needs, and experiences. He puts himself in your shoes, tries to grasp your perspectives, and offers comfort and support to you whenever you need it. He is patient and willing to listen without judgment.

- Kyle understands the importance of physical touch for intimacy and affection. He engages in gentle caresses, hugs, and kisses, always being mindful of your comfort and boundaries. He enjoys being able to cradle you safely in your arms, express to you how much he loves you, how he’d always be there.

- and with physical touch, comes emotional support. Kyle is supportive and nurturing towards your emotional well-being. He is sensitive to your emotional state and offers comfort, reassurance, and a safe space for vulnerability. He provides comfort, validation, and understanding when you need it the most.

- Kyle creates a safe and secure environment for you quite often. both physically and emotionally. He ensures that you feel protected, comfortable, and free from any harm or judgment. His gentle and caring presence gives you a sense of peace.. a sense of home..

Stan .° ༘🎧⋆🖇₊˚ෆ

- I believe Stan.. is so supportive of you. He doesn’t believe he can truly make it far considering what he’s done with himself due to alcohol.. self loathing.. not being able to build what he wanted for himself so when he sees you achieve the things you’ve always wanted he’s cheering you on. He’s always the one to come up to you after a speech, squeezing you tight against him and whispering about how proud he is of you. He’s the one to bring you flowers, exchanging kisses to show you how amazing you were. In his eyes. You’re his role model.

- he’s committed to you. He’s had his heart broken far too many times by one person.. so when he finally finds you.. and you treat him the way he’s always wanted to be treated, show him the love he deserves.. there is nothing stopping that heart from grasping for you. Longing for you.

- though Stan loves to be around you consistently, wants to do anything and everything for you, he also understands Independency, individuality. He understands that maybe you don’t always wants to do something, or be around and that’s okay. He gets it.. he may be a little sad but he understands that sometimes having a me day is completely okay. Expect him to text you back immediately when you message him. He’s missed you :((

- he’s not THE greatest with his emotions, he’s still trying to figure his out most of the time but he will always stop to listen to you. No matter what it is.

Kenny ₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉

- Kenny is quite sexual, so your Reltionship is bound to be quite sexually. But he knows boundaries. And he knows when no means no. Sure he’s got quite the sex drive but he would never push you to do anything you never wanted to. This goes for anything really, he hates the idea of forcing you to do absolutely anything, he likes to know you may actually want to do something because you want to do it. Not because you’re just agreeing with him.

- he will give you space when you need it. He can be quite clingy at times but that’s because he’s just genuinely happy to be around you, so at times he can understand needing some space.

- he’s so understanding. Anything you come to him about, he’s all ears, listening and asking wether you need him to do something about, to stay the night with you. Anything. He’ll do it. He’s good at telling when something is wrong, even if you try to hide it and you hide it well. He’ll know. And he’s probably one of the best to go to…. He’ll even fuck you silly to get your mind off of things. But- in all seriousness. He genuinely does give you really good advice, advice you can take and actually go by, he cares.

- he’s so goofy. He’s always willing to do anything to put that sweet smile on your face. Whether it be to embarrass himself in front of a shit ton of people, or alone and he makes the stupidest inappropriate jokes. When he hears you laugh he’s laughing himself, smiling at you lovingly.

- he’s so protective it’s not funny. I’m talking, he beat the fuck out of someone once for even just slightly hurting you.

Cartman 🎧✮🧺✧˖°

- I hate him. And he’s an awful fucking person but.. with the right person.. I feel like he could be changed. Maybe not entirely but he would change.

- he starts a lot of arguments. Even though he says it wasn’t even him… it was. It’s over stupid shit to, like I’m talking over food, where he gets to sit somewhere, where you guys go. He’s so fucking petty it’s ridiculous.

- butttt.. with this he does make up for it. He doesss feel just a littleeee bad for making you so upset so majority of the time he’ll bribe you with food.. or rarely a warm hug.

- he’s quite a good person to cuddle. He’s warm, he’s got some squish so there’s enough to snuggle into and fall asleep. When you’re asleep.. he’s cooing at you, not understanding how someone like you could put up with him.

- he can be.. childish but he loves when you laugh with him, when he realizes something he’s said as made you laugh? You better believe he’s doing it continuously, like Kenny he actually really likes see you laugh especially if it’s because of him. It boosts his ego oops.

Butters ˚☆🐈*๑

- he’s like Kyle. He likes taking care of you. He likes taking you on dates, spoiling you with his allowance money.. even if it does get him grounded he doesn’t care. Your his, he has to spoil you.

- he’s such a kissy boy. He’s kissing you almost Antrim he lays his eyes on you, while your studying, grabbing a drink, coming straight out of the bathroom. He’s there. Baby just wants a kiss.

- he’s such a fucking sweetheart. He’s never really truly gotten angry at you, yelled at you, nothing. He’s so caring when it comes to you. He knows to take his time with you, to understand what’s too far and what’s just right. He gets what’s too much for you and what calms you down. He knows you like the back of his hand.

- he’s also extremely overprotective. It’s rare to see butters lose his temper but when it comes to you, he’ll yell like he’s never yelled before. I’m sure he’d also beat someone up if he could, and he knew he could. He hates seeing you hurt, at times he cries himself, but other times he’s so angered by others actions towards you he’s more worried about showing them how pissed he is.

- you always have his attention. You always have him. If someone online talks to him and is making you even slightly uncomfortable.. he’s blocking them at just their name leaving your lips. He’s ignoring anybody who seems even slightly interested. He’s got his eyes on you. And you only.

[ezukll]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

🪐 SATURN OBSERVATIONS

SATURN IN ARIES ♈︎

With Saturn in Aries, you may experience some challenges or difficulties with your personal identity and with establishing boundaries for yourself. The self-imposed limits and restrictions of Saturn can clash with the fiery and dynamic nature of Aries. You may struggle with taking initiative, feeling restricted, and being overly critical of yourself. Saturn in Aries can also bring a cautious and reserved nature, or an internal feeling of needing to be careful, slow, or responsible. You may have some difficulties with discipline and following through with tasks or goals, and you may struggle with setting and achieving goals.

SATURN IN TAURUS ♉︎

With Saturn in Taurus, you may have a deep wound related to letting go of or letting go of unhealthy attachments and habits. You may feel a sense of burden that is too heavy to bear. You may strive to establish an emotional and financial sense of security that can be hard to obtain. You may have a tendency to hold onto things or to feel weighed down by the past. This can lead to inner turmoil, depression, or a sense of being stuck or trapped. You may have to work hard to break free and to take responsibility for your situation.

SATURN IN GEMINI ♊︎

With Saturn in Gemini, you may have a deep wound related to a lack of mental discipline and focus. You may feel a sense of restlessness and of a need for stimulation. You may be prone to overthinking and internal chatter. You may struggle to concentrate or to follow through on tasks or ideas. This can lead to mental and emotional frustration, and an internal conflict between feeling like you need to stay active and busy and feeling stuck and blocked. You may get a feeling that you're not reaching your potential or living up to your ideals and ambitions.

SATURN IN CANCER ♋︎

With Saturn in Cancer, you may have a deep wound related to emotional security and inner peace. You may have experienced a significant amount of emotional pain or trauma in your life. You may struggle with self-care and self-love, and you may have difficulty setting boundaries or maintaining healthy relationships. You may find it difficult to open up and to form deep connections with others. It may feel like you can't catch a break, that the universe is against you, or that a dark cloud has forever shadowed your life.

SATURN IN LEO ♌︎

With Saturn in Leo, you may have a deep wound related to your sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. You may have experienced a lack of praise or recognition or felt like you didn't get the attention or admiration that you deserved. You may have had difficulty accepting and embracing yourself or your talents and achievements. You may struggle with self-appreciation and self-respect. You may have a deep-seated fear of being rejected or overlooked.

SATURN IN VIRGO ♍︎

With Saturn in Virgo, you may have a deep wound related to perfectionism and having high standards for yourself and others. You may have a tendency to be too critical or to be overly judgmental. You may have a tendency to be nitpicky and hyper-focused on details. You may also have a deep desire to have things under control and a lack of patience for others imperfections. You may also be overly self-conscious of your flaws and shortcomings.

SATURN IN LIBRA ♎︎

With Saturn in Libra, you may have a deep wound related to relationships, trust, stability and balance. You may have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships and letting people in. You may often be left feeling alone and isolated, or may believe that you are not capable of deep and meaningful relationships. You may feel a scarcity of love and intimacy. You may be too self-sufficient and unwilling to let people in. You may feel like you need to stay balanced and fair and that it's not safe to be vulnerable and share your feelings.

SATURN IN SCORPIO ♏︎

With Saturn in Scorpio, you may have a deep wound related to trust, control, power, and betrayal. You may have had some traumatic experience related to betrayal, control, or a deep sense of betrayal. This may have led to trust issues, a fear of getting hurt or opening up, and a feeling of being used or taken advantage of. You may have difficulty making friends or forming deep connections with others. you may also be overly loyal to toxic relationships and have issues with letting go of people.

SATURN IN SAGITTARIUS ♐︎

With Saturn in Sagittarius, you may have a deep wound related to a lack of structure and stability. You may have a tendency to be a bit more carefree or spontaneous than may be healthy. You may have had some unexpected setbacks or disappointments in your life that made you feel like you needed to focus more on structure and responsibility. You may have a tendency to let your idealistic side take over and take you on a path of adventure and exploration. This can lead to a sense of unease or restlessness that comes with a lack of structure, commitment, or consistency.

SATURN IN CAPRICORN ♑︎

With Saturn in Capricorn, you may have a deep wound related to a lack of confidence or inner authority. You may have a tendency to second-guess yourself or to put other people's needs above your own. You may feel like you are always working hard but never getting anywhere or getting ahead. You may have issues with a sense of inferiority and with letting go of old patterns and fears. It may feel like you'll never achieve your goals or that you'll never be enough.

SATURN IN AQUARIUS ♒︎

With Saturn in Aquarius, you may have a deep wound related to a lack of belonging and acceptance. You may experience a sense of being different from or feeling out of place in the world, or a sense of alienation from society or from people in general. You may also have a deep wound related to being misunderstood, overlooked, or taken for granted. You may feel like a lone wolf or a misfit who doesn't fit in.

SATURN IN PISCES ♓︎

With Saturn in Pisces, you may have a deep wound related to a lack of boundaries and a sense of empathy and sympathy for others. You may have difficulty letting go or moving on from past hurt. You may also struggle with accepting responsibility for your own actions and feelings. You may have issues with taking people's faults or issues personally and feeling responsible for them. This can be challenging and exhausting and can lead to a lack of self-care and burnout.