#You literally told me nothing about your boundaries and if you even did I wouldn't remember by you saying it one time

[alieinthemorning]

Sorry if this goes against the rules (dark nature but idk if this counts) but like, can u write about Leona feeling especially depressed and not being able to even get out of bed, then the reader-insert comes to wake him up (on behalf of Ruggie) and then realised and comforts him? Like angst to comfort! But no rush and no worries if this request is declined! I'll just ask something else then!

Lean on Me [Leona Kingscholar]

Content: Depressed Leona Kingscholar, Blood and Injury, Literal Sleeping Together, Bathing/Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Strong Language

Pronouns: None

Continuation of: For Thee, Not for Me [Leona Kingscholar || Malleus Draconia]

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

He knew he should have just stayed in bed. Shouldered this shit on Ruggie (he was competent enough), and just not have been fucking bothered.

But he did, and it came with consequences (other than him leaving his bed).

He wasn't paying attention, too stuck in his own head to realize that one of the mutts had fucked up, and the damn disc was headed straight for his noggin.

Shit was flying fast enough that it knocked him clear on his ass. It hurt like hell, the pain in the side of his head and his back, but shit—he'd rather be on the fucking ground than possibly bleeding to death than standing and acting like he wasn't on the fucking cliff's edge.

But then there you were (of course you were), kneeling beside him as you assessed the damages. You gently brushed the sticky brown locks away from the wound, wincing at what you saw. You caught your bottom lip between your teeth as you silent contemplated something.

He opened his mouth, ready to stop you from doing something stupid (that stupid thing being saving his life).

But it was too late.

“Worry not, there’s nothing for you to abide by. Leave all your worries to me. For Me, Not Thee.”

And then he was sitting up with just left with a dull headache,

and your unconscious body that fell into his lap.

You'd been asleep for a week now. Vita told him that it was a combination of a White Cold and Rapid Blot Accumulation. She told him that it wasn't his fault, that you were well aware of the consequences of overusing your Signature Spell.

Epel did bother hiding his glare. He was pissed, and rightfully so. He may have looked up to him, but he considered you as family. And here he was sitting at your bedside, as if he had the fucking right.

But regardless of Epel's silent furry, he remained there.

But he knew that wasn't it.

"You fucked up." Ruggie had told him one day as he had delivered his lunch. He didn't tell him to do, but his reasoning had to do with you.

"If you don't feed you, and I don't feed you, guess who's gonna be pissed."

When he asked Ruggie to watch you, he never expected for him to actually befriend you. He even stopped taking the money he had been paying him, calling it dirty money. He shrugged it off, less money out of his pocket.

"You better start learning how to grovel, Prince." Title, no name. "Or else someone else will force you on your knees.

If he had been paying attention to his surroundings, you wouldn't have been laying here. If he had been paying attention to you, he would have realized that you weren't fit to even be at practice that day (because he knows that you'd fight him tooth and nail to heal whoever was hurt).

Zigvolt had given him a good right hook when he appeared in the infirmary. Silver was there as well, he could have stopped him, but he didn't (and he didn't blame him).

"You'd best pray to any and all gods that will listen, Kingscholar." His eyes flashed with something dangerous—a promise. "May my lord forgive me for what I will do to you."

Hell, he should have just stayed in bed and wallowed like a fucking coward.

Draconia appeared late at night before Vita officially kicked him out. He simply looked over your sleeping form with a pitiful look on his face.

That didn't wash away when his eerie Fae gaze found his own muted chartreuse one.

But he didn't, and now you were the one paying the price.

"Oi, Vita." A chair scraping against tile.

Two muffled voices, a door softly shutting, and a sigh.

You give yourself a few more minutes to accumulate to your current setting before slowly opening your eyes.

"Was that Leona, Vita?"

The one frowned as she looked at you over her heart-shaped glasses. "That's really the first thing you ask me?"

You give a dismissive hum, "...I suppose so."

"You are such a—yes, that was him."

"Okay." And then you closed your eyes again.

Close to a week later is when you were discharged, and allowed to return to classes. And that's exactly what you didn't do. Instead, you went on the prowl for a hiding lion. However, you were surprised to find that he wasn't at any of his usual spots, but instead decaying away in his room.  

The blinds were fully drawn, shielding him from the sunlight that attempt to penetrate. His room was more a mess than usual, as if he had torn through it himself in a fit of rage, before fizzling out and finding his final resting place.

You pursed your lips, that's probably exactly what he did. Oh well, that didn't really matter, so instead of worrying about that, you set about to clean the room.  You heard him shuffle on the bed a bit, but disregarded him until you were finished.

And when you were, you faced him. "..."

"..."

If he wasn't ready to talk, then that was fine. You eyed his body for any external injuries. There didn't seem like there were any, so you turned heel, heading for his en suite bathroom.

"Oi..." It was soft and weak, like he wasn't really addressing you, but just saying it in general confusion. You ignored him in favor of fulling his tub with water and oils (just the way he liked it).

When you were done, you simply gestured to the bath, not waiting to hear any sort of answer because you were already pulling the sheets off the bed before he could protest. So he followed your silent directions and entered the bathroom (leaving the door unlocked).

You made quick work of his bed, then got himself a fresh set of clothes as well as yourself (you knew how he was about outside clothes).

You knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"...yeah."

He was fully submerged, a layer of bubbles covering what needed to be covered.

"Can I wash your hair?"

Despite his lips twisting into a frown, he nodded. You knew why. Of course you did. He felt guilty for what happened to you. And yes, maybe, he did have some responsibility for what happened—you also shared in that. You knew that you were getting close to blot, you also knew good and well that taking on Leona's injury would push you over the edge (not to the point of blotting, but damn near close).

But you still took it on, and you'd do it again.

Then hours later, after slipping in and out of dreams, you heard him whisper against your chest.

"Thank you."

"Of course, you can always lean on me, you know." You smiled, setting a kiss on the crown of his head.

"Since I am your healer, after all."

I ended combining these two because I wanted to use this title for the depression piece, but couldn't because I didn't know what else to name the For Thee, Not for Me Continuation. 

SO! I after having a "WAIT FUCK I CAN WORK WITH THIS!" moment, I decided to combine them!

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[helloalycia]

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐋𝐘 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒 [𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑] — 𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐂𝐈𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐍𝐀𝐌-𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐘

one / two / three / five / masterlist / wattpad

summary: as you try to avoid witnessing Clayton making moves on your girlfriend, you start to hang out with the help some more, only making Alycia jealous in return.

warning/s: none.

author's note: super delayed (my bad), but here’s the final part! hope you guys liked this one :)

Alycia's parents were treating her to lunch today, so I busied myself with icing the cupcakes Millie let me help her bake yesterday, and also the little 2-tier cake I'd baked for Alycia as a surprise.

It was fun, I wouldn't lie, even though I was terrible at baking and icing and anything creative in that aspect. But Millie was great company and it was a nice enough distraction from the utter boredom I otherwise would have felt with Alycia being gone. 

"So, how did you and Alycia meet?" Millie was asking as we dyed our icing.

"It was actually at a job, working over the summer at one of her parents' camps," I answered. "Though, back then, I definitely didn't know she was the daughter to millionaires."

"Would that have changed anything if you did?" she asked with an amused smile.

I shrugged, weighing it up as I'd never really thought about it. "I'm not entirely sure... I think if I knew before speaking to her, I may have avoided her. But that would have been based on a preconceived idea that she's stuck up and spoilt, y'know? Obviously, I spoke to her because she was my buddy at the time and we got along from there. And by the time she told me about her parents, well... she's lucky she's cute."

Millie laughed at my joke. "That's adorable. You guys make a lovely couple. And you're right about getting to know Alycia. I've worked here for a year or so, mostly for her parents, but the few times she's visited and we've interacted, she's been kind."

I smiled, knowing that sounded like Alycia. Nothing like her parents, thank God.

"So, how did you end up being a private chef?" I asked curiously.

We passed time as we decorated, talking about how she went to culinary school, what she did when she wasn't baking and her love for it all. It was refreshing, especially because I'd never met anyone who did this for a living. And after she helped me not make a fool of icing the cakes, but also assisted me in decorating Alycia's, a waiter entered the kitchen to let us know of Alycia's return.

"That's your cue," Millie encouraged, before nodding to the cake in the box on the counter. "Knock 'em dead."

A little excited, I smiled gratefully before grabbing the cake and heading to the front door with hopes of finding Alycia. They were still outside, I noticed, when I glanced out the window, and then I realised they weren't alone. Her parents, her and fucking Clayton of all people were getting out the car, chatting and smiling. Had he gone to lunch with them? What the fuck? I literally stayed behind so Alycia could have some bonding time with her parents, not him.

Frustrated, I stepped away from the window and realised my anger had gotten the better of me because I'd unintentionally squeezed the box in my hand and, consequently, the cake.

"Fuck," I mumbled, before backing away from the door and returning to the kitchen.

"How did she– wait, what happened?" Millie started, but stopped herself when I tossed the cake box on the counter.

"Fucking Clayton and his fucking lack of boundaries," I muttered with irritation, before leaning my head in my hands on the counter to contain myself.

"Oh, Y/N..."

I'd never discussed anything of my feelings towards Clayton to Millie, but it was pretty evident how I was feeling right now. I thought I was over it, especially after Alycia's reassurances last night, but clearly I wasn't.

"It doesn't matter," I said with a heavy sigh. "It was stupid anyway. Just throw it out. It's basically bird food now anyway."

No doubt giving me a disapproving look, Millie grabbed the box and said, "Don't be silly."

I glanced up when I heard her shuffling about, only to see her taking the cake out the box and cutting a decent enough slice that wasn't destroyed by my inability to contain my anger.

"Go," she ordered, pushing the plate towards me. "Give this to your girlfriend."

I narrowed my eyes at the cake. "She's too busy with Clayton."

Millie gave me a knowing look. "It's her dad, not her, now go." I just about rolled my eyes when she added, "Don't be a child, Y/N."

Grumbling to myself, I straightened up and grabbed the plate. But not before glancing at her and saying, "You're getting too comfortable with me."

She cracked a smile, resisting the urge to laugh, before wafting me away with her hand. I groaned inwardly before returning to the front of the house, where Alycia, her parents and Clayton were just entering the atrium. As soon as Alycia spotted me, her face lit up and she ran to me, almost making me drop the plate as she hugged me. Admittedly, it made me forget why I was annoyed in the first place and I immediately returned the hug.

"Ooh, what's that?" she asked distractedly, eyeing up the cake slice. "My surprise, perhaps?"

Unable to stop my smile, I was about to reply, but was instantly cut off by her father.

"Oh, that can't be Millie's handiwork, surely," he said with a loud laugh. "What on earth is that decoration?" Glancing at Clayton, he added, "This is why you have to be picky with the help."

Clayton laughed at his joke whilst I tried very hard not to throw the plate at his head.

"Dad!" Alycia scolded with a look. "That's not nice!"

Her dad played dumb, then looked to Clayton for approval, which only boiled my blood more.

"Y/N, what is it?" Alycia asked, expression softening when she looked back to me.

"Nothing," I managed to say without flipping out irrationally. "Just leftovers from a practice batch Millie made." Swallowing hard, I took a step back. "In fact, I should probably throw it out. It's not that nice anyway."

Alycia frowned, about to speak, but bloody Clayton of all people spoke up.

"Alycia, your dad and I are going to get a drink, would you like to join us?"

Seconds away from smashing this plate on his head, I rolled my eyes and turned to leave instead. Storming back to the kitchen a second time, I made a beeline for the bin.

"Seriously?" Millie asked with playful disbelief. "You still haven't–?"

"It was a stupid idea," I snapped, setting the empty plate before her, before leaving to get some fresh air.

—

Not even half an hour passed when Alycia found me returning to the house after a well-needed sulk around the property.

"Y/N!" she called once she spotted me by the outdoor dining area. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"I haven't been very far," I said nonchalantly.

She frowned guiltily, eyes flickering between mine. "I didn't know Clayton would be there. My parents took me out and he was already sat there at the table."

"He always seems to be present, don't you think?"

She sighed. "I know."

I lifted an eyebrow questioningly. "Seriously? Why not doing something about it, Alycia?"

She raised her eyebrows too. "Don't you think I'm trying?"

I tried not to scoff as I crossed my arms. "Well, not hard enough."

Definitely surprised by my attitude, she gave me a look. "Y/N."

I looked down at my shoes, knowing my anger would return if we discussed this any longer. "Forget it. See you at dinner."

"Y/N," she started as I began to walk away.

"Or maybe we'll see Clayton, who knows?" I said sarcastically, before rolling my eyes as I left, ignoring her calls.

It wasn't her fault, I knew that, but she wasn't exactly telling her father to back off, at least not well enough. I was uncomfortable and her parents were doing a pretty great job at making me want to leave. So, why couldn't we?

—

Dinner time that same evening was awkward as hell and I was counting down the seconds before I could leave to go up to our room. Her parents were chatting, talking about the business and Alycia, and I was staying quiet because I seriously couldn't be bothered. The only relieving thing was that they hadn't invited Clayton.

At one point, the dessert was brought out – the cupcakes that Millie let me help her make, though she did ninety-nine percent of it – and her dad felt the need to comment.

"Ah, see? This is Millie's handiwork," he said with a smile as the waiter placed some cupcakes before us all. "None of that rubbish from earlier."

I bit my tongue as I distracted myself with my cup of tea. Alycia glanced over at me, wanting to say something, but as usual, she didn't.

When the meal was over, Alycia and I headed straight upstairs for bed. I never usually went to sleep so soon after eating, but I didn't want to stay awake and have to talk things out with Alycia, not when I was still so upset at the situation. So, after getting ready for bed, I jumped right in and laid down, turning my back to Alycia who was still unchanged from her day clothes.

"Y/N?" she called gently. "Can we talk?"

I closed my eyes, frowning to myself. "I'm tired."

I heard her sigh from behind me, and though a small part of me felt bad for treating her like this, the rest knew that it wasn't fair how I was being treated this whole trip. The sooner we left, the better. But for now...

"Okay," she muttered. "Goodnight, I guess."

I didn't say anything, but the door closed and I assumed she'd gone into the ensuite to get ready for bed, too.

—

I'd hoped going to sleep would put me in a better mood, but when I woke up the next day, I was only reminded of how shitty everything had been and my mood still remained.

There were only two days left before Alycia and I could go home, but for now I had to suck it up. I still wasn't in the mood to talk to Alycia, so I avoided her the best I could, which I soon discovered was ideal because none other than fucking Clayton was back at the house again. Apparently it wasn't for Alycia, based on what the staff chatter had to say, but rather for a business meeting with her dad. Either way, it was an excuse for him to be around and I would have rather stayed away.

Deciding that Millie was the only other person here that I knew and felt comfortable enough to be around, I went to bother her as she worked in the kitchens. Plus, I owed her an apology after my outburst yesterday.

When I found her, she was preparing some ingredients for something and almost didn't notice my presence until I stopped by a stool at the counter.

"Hey," I said with a small smile.

When she saw me, she returned my smile with a relieved one. "Y/N, hey. How are you doing? You seemed really upset yesterday."

I leaned in the palm of my hand nervously. "Yeah, look, I'm sorry for snapping at you. It wasn't very nice, especially not after you tried to help me with the whole situation."

"It's okay," she assured. "I can see how annoying it must be to find out Clayton is always around. I'm guessing that's why you're here now."

I sighed, trying not to get worked up at the mere mention of him. "Yeah. I hope that's okay. I just can't stand being around him. And Alycia isn't helping the situation, so we're kind of not talking."

At this, Millie gave me a disapproving look. "You can't just not speak to her. You know this is an awkward spot for her. It's her parents, not her."

"I understand that, but how about me? I'm at my girlfriend's house to hang out with her family and instead of that, they're trying to show her off to another guy right in front of me. Why do I have to be okay with that?"

Millie sighed, shrugging as she worked. "You're right. It's shitty. But you need to communicate this to Alycia, not avoid her."

I put my head in my hands and groaned quietly. "Can I avoid her a little longer? I'm not in the mood."

Chuckling quietly, Millie nodded. "I suppose so. Maybe I can teach you how to make fresh pastry."

Glad she was letting me stay, I smiled for real and jumped off the stool. "Thanks, Millie."

It was probably a terrible sign that I enjoyed spending more time with a pastry chef than I did my girlfriend's family, but I didn't care. If they couldn't bother to make half the effort with me that I was making with them, then I couldn't change that. Besides, there were only two more days left. I could surely survive that.

After spending the morning with Millie, chatting away mindlessly and watching as she worked because it was better than watching TV for hours on end, it was soon lunchtime. We were supposed to be having an outdoor afternoon tea for lunch, with some baked goods that Millie and a few of the other chefs had prepared in advance. I was stood outside with Millie after she set the table, the two of us talking by the doors, when Alycia found me.

Millie and I's conversation ceased as soon as Alycia stopped by us, glancing at me with a tense jaw.

"Alycia," I greeted, still mildly irritated.

"Can I speak to you, please?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Before glancing at Millie and adding, "In private?"

I looked at her with disbelief, but before I could say anything, Millie nodded awkwardly.

"I should get back to work," was all she said, before returning to the kitchen.

When she was gone, I looked back to Alycia. "That was a little rude, don't you think?"

Alycia's green eyes stared holes into mine. "What are you doing?"

I was confused. "What?"

She crossed her arms with annoyance as she asked, "Do you like her?"

Absolutely baffled now, I raised my eyebrows and stared at her. "What? Are you joking right now?"

She clenched her jaw, unimpressed. "All you keep doing is avoiding me and hanging out with her instead. What gives?"

The audacity of her to make such assumptions was laughable, to the point where I had to stop myself from doing so.

"Wow," I said with both irritation and impatience. "You're kidding me, right?" Judging from her know-it-all expression and the patronising glare she was giving me, I knew she wasn't. I continued, "Maybe if you stopped appeasing your dad's wishes this whole trip and hanging out with Clayton all the time, you'd see that I'm bored! Millie is the only bloody person I can hang out with here!"

Alycia scoffed frantically, shaking her head and looking away. "That's hardly fair."

I widened my eyes as I gave her a questioning look. "Isn't it?! What's not fair is that I'm here to bond with my girlfriend's parents and, instead of doing the same, they're trying to set you up with a new man whilst I'm literally right here!"

"That's not what's happening–!"

It was my turn to scoff as I cut her off. "Sure it's not. Because he just so happens to be around all the time, doesn't he?" Giving her an angry glare, I said, "He drools over you, Alycia. And do you think I like watching him check you out? Because I bloody don't!"

She opened her mouth to speak, but just on cue, someone approached us and interrupted, and it was damn Clayton.

"Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but Alycia–"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I shouted at him, before losing my patience and shoving past him to return indoors. I didn't have to deal with this – it wasn't fair!

Storming up to our room, I shut the door and tried very hard to contain my frustration, but it was too late, I was already fuming. It wasn't fair! I didn't deserve to be treated like this! And I wasn't going to stand for it anymore. Being here was only making me miserable, so I had to leave. Alycia could stay the rest of the trip with her parents, but they didn't want me here and I didn't want to be here.

Pulling out my suitcase, I grabbed as much as I could from the wardrobe and threw it in, deciding to pack everything up. Clayton and Alycia's parents could live happily together, but I didn't care to see it.

I was midway through packing when the door suddenly opened and Alycia appeared.

"Y/N, we need to talk," she said sternly. "Not argue."

"I'm not interested," I said dismissively, throwing another shirt in.

She must have realised what I was doing, finally paying attention, as she lost her irritation and looked to me sadly. "You're leaving?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "No, I just thought the suitcase was a looking a little empty. What do you think?"

"Y/N!"

I ignored her and continued to pack, moving to grab some toiletries from the dressing table.

"Please, let's just talk this through," she tried again. "I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I, but I can't be here anymore," I said, throwing my toiletries in my bag. "We can talk it through at home. You should stay the rest of the week."

"We're literally talking right now," she pointed out, making me roll my eyes. "C'mon, just sit. Please."

I met her eyes with a hardened stare. "Not in the mood."

She frowned and then her jaw clenched and I saw her impatience shining through. "Y/N."

I was stubborn, but so was she, and I refused to let her get her way this time.

Returning to my packing, I planned to ignore her presence until I finished, and even when she rounded the bed to approach me, I blanked her out. A little too much, in fact, as I didn't realise she'd pulled out some handcuffs from her back pocket and snapped them onto my wrist, connected to hers.

"Alycia!" I scolded. "Unlock it right now."

She pursed her lips, shaking her head. "Nope."

I bit back my irritation. "Maybe when you were a kid this sort of behaviour was cute, but it's not now, so let me go."

"Talk to me then," she insisted. "I don't like how things ended before and I don't like seeing you upset."

"Well, I'm not in the mood to speak to you right now and I just want to leave," I retorted. "So, respect that."

Her gaze softened. "Please."

I outstretched my free hand. "Key. Now."

Just when I thought I'd have to wrestle it from her, she sighed and gave in. "Fine."

As she patted down her pockets, I pushed my hair from my eyes and groaned inwardly. "Where the hell d'you even get handcuffs anyway?"

"Toy set from when I was a kid," she mumbled, before I watched her pat her pockets some more. Judging from the worried look she had, I couldn't imagine the news being good.

"Alycia, give me the key," I repeated, growing nervous, and she tensed her jaw with annoyance. "This isn't funny."

"D'you see me laughing?" she snapped, before checking her back pockets and coming up with nothing.

I tried to pull my wrist from the metal cuffs, but it pulled her wrist too, making her yelp, and that's when I realised she really wasn't joking.

"Alycia, are you insane?!" I shouted, already stressing because of what this meant.

"Just shush!" she ordered, though the guilt was seeping through. "Panicking doesn't help!"

I gasped sarcastically. "Sorry if we're bloody handcuffed together and I'm panicking! Because in case you didn't realise, darling, we're handcuffed together!"

"I know!" she shouted right back, before giving up with her futile searching. In a quieter voice, she said, "I've lost it. I must have missed my pocket when I put it in."

I groaned loudly, attempting to sit on the bed, but she of course came with me and I had to remain standing.

"Look, let's just go back downstairs and retrace my steps," she said hopefully. "It'll show. And if not, there's gotta be some tools somewhere."

I stayed quiet, not wanting to snap at her even more when I was already pissed off and she was the last person I wanted to be handcuffed to right now. Instead, I let her lead me downstairs and around the living room and old playroom, with hopes of finding the key on the floor somewhere. But we searched everywhere and there was nothing. Not wanting to give up, Alycia assured me we might be able to find some tools in the shed outside. But of course, it was just our luck when there was nothing there either.

"No offence, but you're terrible at this," I told her bitterly, before flagging down the pool boy who was nearby. "Hey, mate, are you alright to give us a hand? Alycia over here has handcuffed us together and we need something to unlock it with."

The pool boy, more of a man in all fairness, glanced at our handcuffed wrists. "Have you tried the key?"

I closed my eyes, containing my constant frustration that didn't seem to leave me today. Thankfully, Alycia responded so I wouldn't have to.

"We lost the key. We were thinking something like a screwdriver or a hammer. Anything else, really."

"Hmm...," he thought to himself. "I'm not sure about the wrist part, but I can definitely separate you by chopping the chain with a butcher's knife."

How hadn't I thought of that? It was genius!

"Yes!"

"No!"

I blinked, looking to Alycia. "I'm sorry?"

"Y/N, are you insane?" Alycia asked with disbelief. "That's so dangerous! What if he missed?!"

I opened my mouth, stunned. "Are you– are you kidding me right now, Alycia? Insane? You bloody handcuffed us together! The only insane one here is you!"

Taking that as his cue to leave, the pool boy turned on his heel and left Alycia and I to bicker.

"How dare you!" she exclaimed, not even attempting to disguise her annoyance anymore. "Sorry if I had to take extreme measures to talk to my girlfriend!"

"I said I would talk about it back home!" I reminded her, before yanking our wrists towards me. "Now c'mon! I don't want to be handcuffed to you any longer!"

"I said no!" she said, yanking me back as I attempted to walk away.

Frowning, I pulled her towards me. "We're using the knife, dammit!"

"I said no!" she repeated firmly, yanking me back towards her.

"Alycia!"

"No!"

"We're going to the–!"

"You're not listening–!"

"Alycia–!"

And before either of us knew it, she'd yanked me too hard, enough for me to go tumbling right into her and knocking us both into the pool. The cold water shocked the anger right out of me and I immediately tried to resurface, gasping for air. I made sure Alycia was okay beside me, momentarily stunned, and when she was pushing her wet hair from her eyes, the realisation settled in and my anger returned.

"I can't believe you just did that!" I shouted.

"Me? You're the one who fell into me!"

Swallowing hard, I began to swim to the stairs. Thankfully, she got the hint, and we both returned to our room dripping wet.

"We'll go to the garage in town first thing in the morning when it opens," she suddenly said when we were stood there making a mess on the carpet. "They'll have tools."

I resisted the urge to glare at her. This was probably the biggest fight we'd ever had and, right now, I hated her.

"I'm showering," I said without giving her much choice. "Come on."

Yanking her into the ensuite, I shut the door and grabbed a towel, mumbling to myself, "I'd have a bath but I can't because tweedledum is handcuffed to me..."

"I'm not stopping you," she said defensively. "Go for it."

I glanced at her, trying to see if she was joking, but when she wasn't, I thought what the heck? I deserved a nice, relaxing bubble bath. Though preferably one that didn't include her. Unfortunately, I couldn't manage that, but I could still have the bath, so I filled it up as I undressed and forced her to sit on the edge of the tub, look at the door and be quiet. Being Alycia, however, she couldn't manage that, and she was nonstop talking about how she didn't like Clayton or what her dad was up to or anything about this week so far. And I'd finally had enough.

"Alycia!" I snapped, opening my eyes. "The whole point of this is for me to relax. Be quiet, please."

She sighed, but thankfully listened, and I closed my eyes again, trying to forget that she was attached at the wrist and sat on the edge of my supposed-to-be relaxing bubble bath. Just when I thought I was doing better, she suddenly moved, making me open my eyes, and then I saw her jump into the bath with me, sitting opposite me and with her clothes still on.

Widening my eyes, I looked to her. "Alycia!"

"I'm sorry," she said with a pained voice, ignoring my shock and her current situation. "I know I need to do more. This week hasn't been fair on you. But my dad doesn't listen and I don't know what else to say. I don't mean to appear ignorant. I care about you, Y/N, so fucking much."

The sincerity in her voice was convincing enough, but I was still staring at the fact that she was soaking wet and fully clothed in the bath with me.

"Say something," she pleaded.

"You're wearing clothes?" I said with disbelief.

She rolled her eyes. "Forget that. Just talk to me. Please."

Despite the stupidity of everything, it was the distraction I needed to finally tell her how I was feeling. I hesitated, not planning to do it whilst sat naked before her in a bubble bath, but she clearly wasn't going to leave, so it was now or never.

"I've tried to be respectful, but your parents don't like me, Alycia," I started, meeting her eyes. "I can't stay here any longer whilst they do what they're doing. I just want to go home. This whole week has been a train wreck."

She sighed dragging her hand down her face. "I know."

I sighed too, looking down with embarrassment. "I know you don't like Clayton. But seeing him with you doesn't feel good. It's not that I don't trust you, but I can't help it if I feel jealous sometimes. Especially when I'm here because of you. I don't know. It just sucks."

She rested her cuffed hand on mine, rubbing her thumb gently. "I feel the same with you and Millie. And it wasn't fair of me to accuse you of anything. I was just pissed because you already hated me and she was making you smile and I got stupidly jealous."

I frowned, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry to make you feel like that. I don't hate you, Alycia. I've just been upset. I'm not usually the jealous type and it got ugly."

"You're not," she agreed. "Neither am I. I guess this whole trip has just pulled us apart, huh?"

I hummed in agreement, leaning on the side of the tub with my elbow. I didn't know where to go with this. Her dad wasn't listening and that couldn't be changed. So, now what?

"I love you," she said, earning my attention. "I want to make things right. And that starts with you being comfortable. So, we'll leave tomorrow."

"It's your family, we can't just leave."

She lifted a brow. "Wanna bet?"

I gave her a knowing look. "Alycia. No. Look, I'll go. You stay. I'll see you back home in a few days."

"I'm not staying without you, and you don't want to stay, so we go together," she insisted, moving closer to me, unbothered by the fact that she was chest deep in water. "Besides, I don't really want to stay either. Not when my girlfriend is being shit on time and time again."

That was all I'd wanted to hear, selfishly enough.

"You're sure?" I asked. "I'll stay if you really want me to. And I won't sulk."

She cracked a smile. "I'm sure, love. We've been here long enough."

I nodded, relieved. "Thank you, Alycia."

"Thank you," she corrected. "For being so patient."

I gave her a small smile, before nodding to her clothes. "Take them off, idiot. You've already made a mess from jumping in here."

She laughed, pulling off her clothes whilst still in the water, only making a further mess of water on the floor. I rolled my eyes but gladly pulled her towards me, struggling at first but managing to keep her between my legs and hold her tight.

"Sorry, I was jealous," I mumbled into her shoulder.

She kissed my cheek and leaned back. "Me, too. And I'm sorry I couldn't try the cake you made me. It looked really nice."

I sighed. "No, it didn't."

She began to smile, her body moving slightly as she held in a laugh. "Yeah, no, it didn't."

I squeezed her playfully, making her laugh properly, and refused to let go.

[justm3di0cr3]

Ridory time-line

Ok so like literally was thinking about this the entire day @midnightmah07 @viilpstick

This is so shit btw

The start

Before Riddle's overblot, Emory had already gotten somewhat close with Adeuce. It was quite clear, the moment she was pulled out through the coffin she wanted nothing to do with anyone so seeing her (begrudgingly) helping Ace and Deuce which actually did help since they began finishing their hw on time and were more responsive in class, was the start of Riddles crush.

At first it was more of a small interest. He was always taught friends were a waste of time and Emory displayed that belief but despite this she was a good influence on Adeuce grades.

After his overblot, Emory was the first to help him up. She knows what it's like trying to live up to a parents expectations and neglecting yourself in the process. While her demeanor remained the same since they weren't acquainted, Riddle noticed the odd look in her eyes. He wasn't even acquainted with her and she was a shut in so why would she help him?

Mutual pinning

In between Book 1 and 2, Riddle actually realized his crush on Emory while Emory developed hers early book 2.

They come from similar bg so the way riddle was trying to improve himself for the better, something she couldn't do, made her fall. He was determined to help trey, his friend, because of smth he wasn't even responsible for but claimed to be. It was odd for her since she blamed everyone around her yet he did the opposite.

Late book 2, both of them were crushing hard for one another. Ace knew of Riddles crush and caught onto Emory subtle glancing that would linger on riddle. So he encouraged Riddle to confess since he knew Emory wouldn't do it. He didn't tell riddle that Emory liked him either cuz that was smth she needed to do.

The confession

Riddle was old fashioned with his confession and wrote a letter to her that ace such in to leave it in her room.

She saw the crisp letter with a seal and opened it up.

"i cant deny my feelings any longer. I used to think you were just another rule breaker, someone who was begging for trouble but it appears I've fallen for you.

You claim you aren't here to make friends, that you don't want to get involved but the looks in your eyes softens for your friends. Even if you deny it, you care for them deeply. Maybe your caring nature is the reason I find myself so infatuated. Or maybe it's your ability to hold on your own in a world completely foreign to you. Or maybe it's something entirely different that hasn't been made clear to me. But one thing is clear and that is that I love you.

Writing this, I am unaware of how you feel, but if you wish to accept me then I'll be overjoyed and if you reject me then I'll take it. I will be waiting for your response eagerly "

- Riddle Rosehearts

The delay

Emory tries to give herself a tough exterior and make herself unlikable so people don't try and get attached but the way riddle viewed her sent her into a flustered mess.

She was afraid of getting attached since she would have to leave but a part of her wanted to give it a shot.

Conflicted she avoided Riddle for the next few days.

Grimm who was acting as the inside info told Riddle and Ace that she has been lying face down lately and Riddle thinks he's crossed her boundaries and Ace believes he misread her signals and mess up.

Wile in reality, Emory is being delusional lying head down to hide her massive blush as she is entertaining scenerios in her mind.

Finally together

A few days pass and Emory knocks on Riddles room door.

"Come in-oh it's you. Is there somethi- "

Emory pulls out the letter from behind her, a perplexed look on her face.

"I'm here to give my answer. "

"Listen I know your-"

"I accept. "

"I'm afriad- I wait... WHAT? "

"I accept. "

Only then Does Riddle noticed her flushed cheeks and his own.

[orphanedwolfandfriends]

So fellers, I can't promise that this'll be the last post I make about them. They don't fucking listen when they're the reason why nothing's going their way. I may be petty, but blocking, reporting, and IP banning them with the handy dandy statcounter is STRONGLY recommended (if you can afford to anyway, statcounter has a monthly payment thing).

I personally suspect that they have an alt account that none of us are aware of, and I'll say with full confidence that I could be wrong.

I started knowing they existed on account of their dry writing and their godmodding, and after, they'd start to ask a mutual some intrusive and condescending messages on why they're so kind to me. Not my character apparently, me. They don't bother to learn character names and just use URLs to shit talk. They'd ask why there's fanart of my woof child and their muse, which lmao, why's that a fucking problem? Mind your own beezwax. They would also bombard that mutual with asks about their shadowban issue, why can the mutual see other people's asks instead of theirs, and the most the mutual could do was tell them what it means and how they can fix it (which they never did). And as you might've seen earlier, they said me drawing fanart of fictional characters was "weird" and talked about it like it was self insert art I was doing. Self insert art's not even an issue to begin with but yet they took it personally lmao. Perish. Also I wouldn't make my self insert be a fucking child, and the art wasn't even shippy in the slightest.

It got to the point where my mutual blocked them, and they moved onto a Vegeta blog, and really milked that cow dry for how long they'd keep messaging them and whining about them not jivin' with the godmodding, along with complaining to that Vegeta and someone else about everyone making bad comments about their oc. If you look into their blog, you'll see that this person does not have a bio what so ever. Not even in a separate post. So quite clearly they're just expecting everyone to submit to her Mary Sue powers despite the fact we know nothing about them. They even info dumped the same Vegeta through an ask which, dude. Limited text. Look it up.

And then, they would bombard a Raditz rper and bitch about how he's not submitting to their random stranger shit while Raditz accepted a fucking BLT from one of my adult muses, bombard an oc blog like "you're flirting with Raditz, I can tell, your oc's not any better than MINE", AND, try to act like they're such a hotshot at writing, which as you might've guessed, they're not. And they're actively painting themselves in a bad light instead of listening to people and accepting boundaries. They also bugged the shit out of a Beerus mutual, and another mutual who writes ocs, just 'cause the other's muse was just vibin' and giving Beerus food. There's literally nothing wrong with that, yet they'd keep bugging the other mutual with shit like "oh beerus is only keeping you around 'cause you're giving him food, beerus isn't nice blahblahblah".

Do you see a pattern here? They'll get pissy when they don't get any attention from all four of those characters, and send jealous, petty bitch-sounding messages over two friggin children that are just being nice. Imagine being jealous of a fucking child. Actually suck in that shame like a juice box, 'cause that is PATHETIC. Jealousy is legitimately not a healthy thing to have, especially over something like roleplay, and when you actively guilt trip or shit talk them just 'cause of that, that's even more pathetic. And hella possessive. Good luck being possessive when the muns aren't interested in your oc to begin with lmao.

They also chased off somebody after stalking them for a full on year, as I've been told, which from people saying "that explains a lot" when I said who they were, that's...unsettling. Not surprising, but unsettling. And they're suspected to be another individual named Skye. I dunno if that's true but that's why I say "suspected."

TLDR; Please for your own sanity, block @phoenixissims and report them for their harassment. Do whatever you can to keep them far away from you as possible. The Dragon Ball side of the RPC is not the only RPC they've harassed over the years, so it isn't their first rodeo with being annoying and creepy. Do not waste your time with a message.

Now with all that out of the way, phoenixissims, go fuck yourself with a pitchfork, and everyone else? Have a nice rest of the month. I'm going back to my usual tomfoolery.

[kobluuroses]

🍬 Anon requested: Wataru Hibiki (Pov) X Madara Mikejima, hurt/comfort

I took some liberties with this since the request was a bit vague, regardless I hope you enjoy (get hurt)!

Silence.

Tonight was a quiet night, silence was the only thing that filled it.

You didn't exactly like it, no, to be honest you didn't like it one bit.

The self-imposed cheerfulness you put on yourself gets crushed in times like these. Or would it be more accurate to say you were crushed in times like these--

It was honestly laughable, the boundary between real and fake moods was only the width of a hair strand. So why was it that you fell so hard with nothing to distract you?

You are Wataru Hibiki. The darling performer who can entertain anyone, who... Should be able to entertain anyone at least. Your persona was difficult to keep up around yourself; your smile wasn't as comforting as it was towards others, your eyes didn't hold the shimmer you forced them to have, looking like purple abysses, and, oh god you looked terrible, did you even eat today?

Everything was in disarray, what was staring back at you wasn't a charming actor, nor even a clown. It was the scared child who thought nobody would love him if he didn't make himself useful. It simply felt better when you pretended to not know of your past.

You were feeling terribly antsy, there had to be something you could do, something something something to fill this void in your chest that was sucking up everything in your life and still demanded for more. If all your thoughts could be described in a single sentence it would probably be 'Spiraling down into the abyss'.

You gulped as you heard a knock on the door and were distracted from your reverie, maybe the answer would even come to you then?

"So- Rough day huh Wataru-san?" Madara prodded carefully after you told him about what happened as you just nodded, for once, at a loss of words. It felt so odd, you thank heavens you more or less came back to your senses but... It was still like his voice was underwater, sorry festival man-san, you just were someone different at the moment. You almost winced at the sigh the other gave you before he spoke again "... Sorry I didn't notice, but hey- Mama's been less busy, how about trying to talk with me more at least?" You opened your mouth to retort but Madara started speaking again. "I get what you're about to say~ But I'm not a mind-reader, just someone similar to you."

The way you looked at him was incredulous. "Aaaaand I just ruined my own point, didn't I?" You let out a small laugh at that, throwing yourself over the man quite literally, silently hoping that you don't sound as embarrassing when your mask is down.

"Dear me... If I didn't know any better I'd assume festival-man-san was trying to ruin it- A tinge of humor to make me laugh and get swept off my feet in such a vulnerable state-!" You tried to see if that would humor him but he just rolled his eyes, focusing back on you, "You aren't distracting me no matter how shiny you make your tricks." Damn it, the fact he knew what you were doing scared you so much, you felt like all the masks you learned to put on were see-through, you weren't sure if you liked that yet.

He didn't make any more comments, simply adjusting your position into something that wouldn't make your body scream at you, and was a position where you could look straight at him. A fuzzy feeling in your chest made itself known as you looked up at him, as he silently petted your hair while like this.

You didn't know that tears were already falling as he continued to do this, you didn't realize until you felt a lump in your throat and heard him try and comfort you, oh he was so kind you really couldn't stand it. "There you go Wataru- Off with the mask- It's only us right now." And off it went, he simply let you stay there like that, all while talking as if nothing was the problem, like he didn't see you as ruined because of this, all because he seemed to be able to love you while you're sinking...

And soon, silence returned. However this sort seems to be one you'd grow fond of sooner or later.

[anakinskywalkerog]

Awe, Thank You 😭. Again Oli I'm sorry the post was so long. But when I deep dive I go all in. I definitely understand you, as you're a Scorpio sun with a Sagittarius venus, you are okay with a man who is a bit (and I mean just a small bit) clingy with you. But also knows how to respect that you want space and distance sometimes. If they get too clingy or trying to control you. That immediately turns you off from them.

As I said in the ask getting him isn't the hard part. He will honestly talk to anyone so long as they give off a good vibe and can keep a conversation interesting. The hard part is keeping all that Aries energy interested once you have him. Cause his Scorpio moon and Taurus venus they will stay with someone but that Aries energy doesn't like to stay still for long. If it gets bored, he might just stay for the sake of it, but he emotionally and mentally probably checked out.

My first serious boyfriend (I mean first as in once I got into adulthood, since high school boyfriends count but they can only be somewhat serious but depending on the situation) was a Scorpio Sun, Mercury, and Venus with a Libra moon and Sagittarius mars. He was super sweet and a really compassionate boyfriend. He really showed me love in the purest form even though we were in our mid 20s. But then that Libra moon and his Gemini best friend (no shade to Geminis) just did me dirty. He basically could not put up a boundary between her and our relationship. She has relationship problems with her boyfriend. She would call mine up and ask him to help her. And because that was his "best friend" of course he just had to be there 🙄. Instead of you know telling her to fix it with her boyfriend. She was always in the middle of our relationship and he just couldn't possibly tell her to have respect and boundaries to our relationship 😒. He was trying to get me to move in with him, but I wouldn't. Cause I got a bad vibe about him and her (Thank God for my Scorpio rising 👏). I then confronted him about why he was always defending her when I would get upset. He told me that they had always wanted to date but they never wanted to because they didn't want to ruin their friendship 🙄😒🖕. I asked him if this was before or after they slept together 🤨. Because guess who found out they slept together. Yep me. It broke my heart, we were getting engaged soon (he had me pick out the ring and I would somewhat live with him 3 days out of the week). It hurt more because afterwards I realized if it was me or another woman. He would always have this girl on a high pedestal and I could not fight against that 😢.

Omg I did it again, I apologize for that 😂. But the point of my whole story was when looking at the birth chart. Look at their moon, mars, venus to tell you what that person may be like in a relationship. Also make sure they aren't still holding on to feelings for someone else. So for Hayden chart I could be wrong cause we don't have his time of birth or what houses his placements are in. But that was the best I could do 😂😂

lol go off i don’t mind 😂 also yes those are my signs and you are correct i like to be very attached in relationships and don’t really mind clingy-ness haha. except rn i’m in my literally not attracted to anyone i meet phase…so. i’ll keep you posted lol

that totally sucks about your ex!! also huge red flag if a guy refuses to listen to his girlfriend about his friends, regardless of what the problem is. my most recent ex was a Gemini and it did NOT work lolololol. so maybe there’s something to all this shit.

anyway, thank you for the Hayden insight, it has done nothing but convince me that he and i are perfect for each other. in some universe somewhere else maybe we’re together 😂

also, someone messaged me and was wondering if you could provide a chart reading for Ewan too? no pressure, but, if you have the time…

[ciown]

Okay yknow whatever, what did I ACTUALLY do wrong besides getting pissed off and hurt ect. Because what it actually looks like to me, is needing an excuse because you two dont like my personality and cant respect that other people have feelings and opinions different to yours. Im p sure your friend just couldn’t handle me or make up his damn mind. For some reason you wont even let me have the peace that the universe is vast and just because one person kins them doesnt mean I have to see them as wholly them if its hurting me. Obviously I dont want people to hurt me because it means people do horrible things to me and spread harmful info about me. Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me. He needs to get his head out his arse, hes been horribly ableist and even attempts to make sure I cant engage in a community but complains I drove him out. He just refused to communicate normally.

dismissing the things you did as "getting hurt and pissed off" when it's been over 8 months of you stalking and harassing hubert and his friends - some of which has been vehement ableism, transphobia, and racism - is so incredibly fucked up that i can't even put into words how frustrated and angry that makes me

i don't like you personally. i have never made that a secret. i do not have to like the person who called my best friend a "muddy girl pretending to be [hubert]" and a "BPD [person's] worst nightmare" for not responding to you on time when he was asleep or busy as a grown man with his own responsibilities and life

you do not respect our feelings. if you did you wouldn't have been stalking and block evading us for literal months. you would not be messaging me right now. also what "opinions" are you even talking about? what part of any of this is opinions

he couldn't handle you. that is why he blocked you. i don't know how that is such a wild line of logic for you. you would spiral/breakdown in his DMs at his 1am and then would send 10 more messages essentially guilting him for not being able to respond while he's asleep or insulting him by calling him "a bit cruel" for not responding because, again, he was asleep

also what do you even mean by "make up his mind"? are you talking about that time he gave you a second chance in a completely different kin server only to blow up at him when he interacted and joked with another edelgard? that second chance? the one *you* fucked up? that one?

i have never said you can't see him as hubert. if i have, i literally don't care if you do now. it means nothing to me whether you see him as a hubert or not. it is literally the least important thing to me right now when you're harassing and abusing a real life person in this life. i think his feelings as a thinking and breathing human being is more important than things that happened life times ago, most of which being things You as edelgard were not apart of. you are not his edelgard canonmate. he is not yours. i do not care what you see him as, i want you to leave him and his friends alone

alright. what about the people you hurt? should hubert just suck it up when you repeatedly break his boundaries and send him and his boyfriend and his best friend and his other friends vitriol for weeks? should he not make true on the boundary he set when he TOLD YOU he would post the screenshots of you being abusive and toxic in his inbox if you didn't stop messaging us? what about the people YOU hurt? what about the people YOU are harassing? should they just let you? should we just allow you to call us horrible, racist, transphobic, and ableist things? should we allow you to continually tell us to kill ourselves and that you wish us or our pets to die? are we not allowed to call you vermin or a parasite for continually stalking us and sending us messages when you've said so much worse? where is the line drawn? when do WE get to be upset and frustrated and fed up with your behaviour and actions toward us? when do WE get to be hurt and upset? when do OUR feelings matter?

you are the one sending us "harmful info", aka toxicity/abuse. us speaking up about this so others are aware and are able to make a decision over whether to interact with you is out of concern for their safety. do you think what you're doing here is normal? do you think it's reasonable? do you think if this was happening to a group of people unrelated to us wholly, that they would be in the wrong to speak up about this stalker's behaviour?

you are the cause of this. you make constant and repeated decisions that put people in harm's way. you put in the effort to block evade and send 200+ asks in 3 days like it's nothing. when exactly should we be able to speak up about your behaviour? when do we get to tell others to be mindful of talking to you?

"Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me" do you not think being told to die has an impact on him? do you not think wishing his husband, his best friend, or his pet to die has any affect on him? do you not think making a mourning altar for him would affect him?

you need to stop projecting. you are the one who was unable to give him space to breath, let alone deal with his own mental health. he was exceedingly patient with you every time you vented, brokedown, and spiraled in DMs over the course of the 4 or 5 days you knew each other. you called him cruel and nightmare for being unable to support you every waking and sleeping hour when he has his own struggles to deal with, which you know about because he fucking told you during those days. instead of trying to be patient and understanding, you got pissed at him for exhibiting symptoms and struggles of his own disorders when he was nothing but kind and patient to you with your BPD/MH struggles. you started this off being ableist and uncaring and cruel

if you can't engage in the community, then that is your OWN fault for not understanding the literal basics of boundaries and respect. there is nothing lost in communication with blocking you and telling you to leave him alone SEVERAL TIMES. for MONTHS. MONTHS. EIGHT MONTHS. there is no loss in communication that you getting pissed at him for interacting with a double is unreasonable after everything you did. you left that group on your own. you did that yourself. he did not force you. he did not even ask you. he said it was fine before you felt entitled to him as a person enough to think he should never interact with another edelgard in front of you after all you did. he did not stop you from entering other kin spaces after he blocked you. there was MONTHS of him taking your abuse before he posted that callout. you are the one who made the active decision not to go elsewhere or find other kin spaces instead of spending all your energy harassing one man for the gall of being human and having feelings + boundaries. god forbid one man doesn't want to be around you. god forbid he has limits. god forbid he doesn't want to insulted and degraded for his mental health and his own disorders because they are an inconvenience to you. god forbid he doesn't want to be told to die or have his loved ones wished death upon. god forbid he has enough of your constant abuse after a last desperate effort to get you to leave him alone with that callout that he TOLD YOU HE WOULD DO if you messaged him or his friends again

what the fuck else is he supposed to do now, neva? what the fuck do you want from him? from us? was he not supposed to leave? is that not what you wanted? you made it clear you thought of him as subhuman. should he simply stay and have to read the horrible things you say to him forever? is that better for you? for You? since that's all that matters to you. how things affect you. only you and never anyone else. what else? what is there? what can he do? he will never win in your eyes. he will never be enough. you will continue to take and take and take and never think of other people beyond yourself

you only ever see how things affect you. you will only ever care about your own feelings rather than the mental health and safety of others. you will continue to harass and harm others and break their boundaries in desperation for someone to take your abuse so that You can feel better and feel safe and feel loved. you will never care that they feel unsafe around you, that their boundaries will never be respected by you, that they will feel like you only care about what they can do for you. do you genuinely believe that all the people you've hurt are in the wrong? do you genuinely not see the harm you've caused? you're doing this all over again, neva. we are not the first people you've done this to. i'm scared thinking this will never be the last

[northeastern-soul]

I want to process all the things you said, and if I had anything to say, I thought I'd give you my words... This section I wanted to do first, I broke it up into my reactions and thoughts.. your words have the bar next to them.

"I think boundaries are very healthy in every way, boundaries are needed to make things work. You crossed one of my boundaries that you may not have been aware of but it definitely did some damage on me. It wasn’t the act but the lack of thought about how I would feel that gets to me."

Hmm, this is big and I feel bad. I wasn't sure how to be considerate in that moment aside from putting forth the effort to make sure nothing happened and showing you directly, so things would be totally transparent. I really should of thought more how I'd feel if I were in your shoes and the moment I left to tend family, you were at some guys house. I appreciate you expressing this.

" Especially when I know there was two other occasions of discomfort brought up with this person. Then to compare me saying that “you aren’t used to someone remembering” when you told me it was “a friend” and didn’t tell me who it was. I thought you knew me better than that, I thought you cared more than that." "

This moment was very sincere. I can honestly say there was no malice or cruel intent here, but I can still see where you got hurt and I do apologize. I do care, but i don't think I knew how to show it correctly in that situation yet.

I know you used to see that relationship as “careless sex” and I just want to remind you that we started that way.

You're right. I didn't even consider it this way. I guess in my mind, because of how highly I value you and us, it was never on my radar that you could see the potential for that happening with someone else, to us. I didn't value trish when we met, which is why it was an option, and that's why I never compared the two situations, us meeting when I was with trish, and Alex and I communicating when I was with you.

Thank you for this perspective.

People, even if it’s not yourself, will develop feelings, there will always be that attraction because you were attracted to them enough to sleep with them.

Hmm.. I have a hard time with this (not accepting it, but frustrated because , because it wasn't the case for me and i coupd never carch feelings there), but I'll accept it and I can see how that complication wouldn't be good, or fair to you and our relationship, or her.

That makes me feel like I’m in competition with others. The moment our plans fell through, you messaged her to catch up. Wasn’t even out of the state and our plans were replaced with another girl, who probably says she doesn’t have feelings but that’s only in hope that you will catch them first..

I'm heartbroken by this part too. I am truly so sorry. I must of made you feel so replaceable and that wasn't remotely my intent. And you're right, I wasn't considering that even though my boundaries are unwavering, she may of had other motives to, and I should be more aware of those possibilities.

that’s the only reason a girl keeps a guy around like that. "

I really didn't think of this.

I appreciate you communicating all this to me. I was putting so much effort forth to remove literally anyone who wasn't respecting the boundaries I had set of our relationship, and deleting anyone I had a past with, that wasn't an actual friend and setting boundaries if those friends wanted to stay around, and deleting every profile and app and everything, that I felt secure in my efforts, without knowing if you felt secure in my efforts. I felt awful, and I was genuine about the situation, but hadn't known what your shoes look like to really put myself into them. Thank you for voicing this.

[vizthedatum]

My friend and I are doing something super fun and self-serving (for both of us!) this weekend, and I know I desperately need it. Like it's honestly good quality friend time and a FUCKING BREAK from *gestures* all of this.

But I am not okay right now. I am not okay. I don't want to gloss over it. I will not explain why I can still be "functional" and rapport with my friends and such AND STILL NOT BE FUCKING OKAY.

Today, I can barely think. I am upset and angry. I am frustrated that I've been brainwashed as a child - I was straight up brainwashed. I was brainwashed into thinking that I couldn't do XYZ and I had to bully myself to get this far.

I am so furious that people think I had it easy or that people think they can just take advantage of me now since "I've made it" or whatever.

I am nearing monumental amounts of grief towards everything. Towards myself.

IT IS HARD TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN AFTER CYCLES OF ABUSE.

Even if you know everything about everything, it doesn't spare you from having to live through the healing journey.

It's getting so tiring right now. Every moment, I get a thought like: "You are pathetic." and then I have to counteract it with "No, you're not. You're fine. Nothing about this is pathetic."

or

"Just stfu and do your damn work task - you were trained to do this. You stupid fuck, just do it." And then I counteract it with "Who cares - no really - who the fuck cares - let them fire you because you are trying to literally hydrate/nourish yourself so that you can do the work task, and you are trying your utmost best WHILE LIVING ALONE WITH LIMITED ENERGY - do you really want to use your precious spoons for this job when you know that at the end of the day, they're just going to keep taking and taking from you and you won't even be able to live your goddamn life?!"

or

"Everyone thinks you have completely lost it. They think you're dumb and psychotic." and then I counteract it with "That's such a great way (/s) for them to not take any accountability of WHAT THEY DID TO ME. Awwwww you think I've lost it? What about you. You kicked out your disabled spouse out of a home they pay rent in - you wouldn't leave yourself - you took advantage of my autistic disabilities, my empathic nature, my physical limitations, the fact that I wouldn't live in a place with a mouse infestation, the fact that I told you that I was having trauma flashbacks of all the time you screamed at me and threw tantrums all over our apartment, the fact that you kept trying to break my touch boundaries, the fact that you yelled at me to leave, the fact that you started a new job and couldn't move your whole set up and so I had to leave... I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I DON'T CARE NOW IF YOU ARE DEAD AND ALIVE. I HATE YOU. LOOK AT ME NOW - I AM STILL SUCCEEDING WHILE HAVING TRAUMA FREEZES. I CAN STILL BE KIND AND EMPATHETIC. I CAN STILL ENJOY THE SUNSHINE. I CAN STILL SOB AND CRY AND SCREAM AND BE OKAY. BUT I FUCKING HATE YOU."

[sadbunnysworld]

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ I.HATE.YOU.

Why now yes and before no?

Do you even regret it?

I can't believe that after everything you put me through, after all the hurt you caused me and after leaving me like that now you just don't care. And no, I'm not saying you have to spend your whole life regretting something you probably don't care about, because it's noticeable that the only one it hurt and still hurts is me... It's just, I don't know, I don't know what to feel, I feel so bad.

I don't like you anymore, I gave everything of myself and you paid me back with nothing, but I can't help but feel bad after this whole situation. Every night I keep asking myself why you did this to me, I felt like I was a toy for you that lasted you a few months.

I hate you, I hate you with all my thoughts and I hope you know that I HATE YOU. You ruined what little I had improved and what little I was trying to build as far as myself, you would have left me alone, you would have never talked to me and I would be happy right now... or probably not happy either, but at least I would be better off. You ruined all my progress and damaged me as a person. I hate you. I hate you. I wish I had never answered that story, my life now at least wouldn't feel so horrible and you wouldn't have made me worse the way you did.

What need did you have to play games with me? I hate everything I gave you, the trust I had for you, everything I told you, all the new experiences I allowed myself to live with you. You ruined me, you damaged everything I had. I am an unhappy person, I always have been and it's not your fault that part, but I didn't expect you to make me happy for two weeks and then leave me deeper than I was. It literally hurts my heart, it hurts physically, I didn't know it was possible. You left me in a deeper hole than I was trying to get out of, you pushed me deeper. My eating problems got worse, the way I perceive myself is worse than ever, I'm afraid to talk to anyone because I know they will do the same to me, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to live, I don't have any friends, I don't talk to anyone and my only company is perry.

I feel so alone, because I am. And all this has been thanks to the only three people I have allowed to pass through my life, I am tired of relating to people who only hurt me. I hope someday to be happy. I don't know what I feel, I cry every day but I rarely feel sad or angry, it's as if I have no feelings. The only thing I know is that I feel bad. I need help. But I am not willing to go through this a third time.

I blame myself for letting people overstep my boundaries, this kind of thing should not happen.

[rosiesung]

7 Days || Y.JW

for @geminirules "Just Friends" collab

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

Pairing: Jungwon x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Friends to Lovers AU

Words: 3.63k

Warnings: Reader calls Jungwon a dick.

Synopsis: You are dared to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend Jungwon. Initially, you go through with the childish challenge, knowing it will be insignificant to your friendship. But as the days pass, you begin to realise your true feelings for him. Will your revelations ruin your friendship? Or will something beautiful blossom because of them?

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

"I dare you to pretend like you're dating Jungwon for a whole week."

You looked at your best friend with wide eyes, a similar expression of surprise on his face. There was no way you were going to do that. It would be way too awkward.

"Come on y/n. Don't be a party pooper. It's not like you guys are going to fall in love."

Of course things wouldn't turn out that way. No matter what, nothing would change the way you saw Jungwon. He would always remain your best friend and nothing more.

Jungwon looked too embarrassed to say anything. Both of you knew it was just a dare. What was the worst that could happen?

"Fine. Starting tomorrow Jungwon's my unofficial-official boyfriend," you announced, linking your arm with his. Jungwon hid his face in his hands as everyone around you screamed and cheered. This was going to be one interesting week.

~

☀︎ DAY 1 ☀︎

Since you only had to put on a show in front of your friends, you figured the best thing to do would be to hang out with Jungwon in solitude. He didn't have a problem with your plan. You both had been having playdates together ever since you were three. He was comfortable being alone with you.

Both of you met at your secret spot. A small grove behind the schoolyard. It was a place the two of you had found while skipping classes one day. Ever since then, this was where you spent time together whenever you needed some peace and quiet.

"I can't believe you actually agreed to this," Jungwon said, mindlessly plucking the grass he laid on. You sighed, staring at the row of trees beyond. "A dare's a dare. Besides, we have nothing to worry about because we don't have feelings for each other."

Jungwon sat up. "You know that we can't avoid all of them for the entire week right? They're literally planning to hang out at the cafe just so they can see us in the act." He sounded worried. There was no need to be.

"Of course I know that. So what? We'll let them see what they want to. It's not like they're going to make us kiss or something. The most we'll do is feed each other and hold hands."

Unlike Jungwon, you had already thought everything out. You knew how far to go while respecting the boundaries of your friendship. All Jungwon had to do was trust you.

He cringed in disgust at your words. "You're going to pay for landing me in this mess. We've barely even started and I already feel so miserable."

You patted his shoulder, flashing him an assuring smile. "You're not alone in your miser mister. After this is over, I'll do all your homework for you."

Jungwon laughed. "Learn how to do your own first. Then you can come and ruin mine."

~

☀︎ DAY 2 ☀︎

As Jungwon had predicted, your friends called you out to the cafe. Both of you were supposed to show up together. Jungwon met you a block away from the cafe, looking incredibly reluctant. "Are you sure you want to do this," he asked, just about ready to turn back around.

There was a determined look in your eyes. "Remember when he had to play Hansel and Gretel's parents for that play we did in preschool?" Jungwon nodded. He could never forget that day. "If we managed to get through that, we can get through this without a problem."

That made sense. Appreciative of your pep talk, Jungwon took your hand and whisked you away to the cafe.

By the time you reached your destination, both your hands were sweaty. Jungwon was just as nervous as you were. Not only because you had to pretend like you were dating, but also because your friends weren't going to miss the opportunity to tease you.

Seeing you two enter hand in hand, everyone began hooting and cheering. Jungwon's cheeks flushed almost immediately. You had to drag him towards the table you were supposed to sit at. "It's nice to see you two arriving together," one of your friends said, making space for you.

Taking a seat, you watched in horror as they placed a glass of juice with two straws in front of you both. No one had to explain what its purpose was. You glanced at Jungwon whose eyes were fixated on the glass hesitantly.

"If we get this over with now we'll be at peace," you whispered, leaning forward to place one of the straws between your lips. You looked away when Jungwon did the same, feeling the heat in his face on your cheek. You were certain you had never downed a drink so fast in your life. It didn't take long for you to finish the contents of the glass, quickly sitting back up to catch your breath. Your friends couldn't seem to get enough of the event, laughing and clapping avidly.

"You guys are so cute," some said. "Both of you would make such a nice couple in reality," said others.

Sitting there amongst your terribly evil friends, you wondered how you were going to get through the next five days with Jungwon.

~

☀︎ DAY 3 ☀︎

Your friends had invited you to another escapade at the park. You couldn't tell what they had in plan this time but you were sure it wasn't going to be enjoyable. At least this time, you and Jungwon didn't have to show up hand in hand.

When you reached the park, Jungwon was already there. Your friends beckoned you over, making you stand next to him.

"Now that our subjects have arrived, here's your to-do list. First, remain holding hands the entire time we are here. Second, Jungwon, give y/n your jacket if she starts feeling cold. Third, walk her back home and make sure you give her a nice, sweet little kiss before she goes inside."

Jungwon let out a noise of surprise. He wanted to run as far as he could and never come back. Holding your hand was fine. He had gotten used to it because of the previous day. He didn't mind giving you his jacket, but you were already wearing one so he didn't see why he would find the need to. Jungwon could do many things. But kissing you was not one of them. It didn't matter if it was on your cheek, your forehead, or the back of your hand, because there was no way on earth that he would bring his lips anywhere near yours.

What neither of you realized was that your friends were willing to go to the farthest lengths to make sure you went through with their tasks. They made you two walk in front of them so that they could see your hands intertwined. When the sun went down and the air started getting colder, they made you take your jacket off so that Jungwon would be left with no choice but to give you his. Just when it seemed like your night of torture would come to an end, they even made you share a single cone of ice cream. When it was finally time to go home, two of your friends followed behind you to make sure that Jungwon did his bidding. It was awkward enough walking through your neighborhood hand in hand. Those who knew you cast looks of confusion and surprise upon you two. Eventually, you reached your doorstep. Jungwon let go of your hand, standing in front of you. He looked everywhere but at you, avoiding your gaze. You glanced behind your shoulder, rolling your eyes when you saw your two friends filming you from behind your neighbor's car. They weren't even attempting to be discrete.

"Hurry up and kiss me already. This is too embarrassing," you urged, slapping Jungwon's arm. He sucked in a breath, pressing his lips in a thin line. "Do you think it's not for me? I mean, I'm the one who has to kiss you for heaven's sake."

"Stop pitying yourself and just get on with it. The longer we stand here the more reason they'll have to punish us tomorrow."

Jungwon stared at you long and hard. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned forward, pressing his lips onto yours without a second thought. You froze, eyes going so wide they might have popped out of your head. Even though it was probably only for two seconds, it felt like an eternity. Time froze as you stood in the foreign feeling of his lips on yours. He pulled away almost immediately, skipping down your driveway as fast as he could with a short wave and 'good night'. Still stunned, you entered your home, breaking into a smile when you closed the door.

~

☀︎ DAY 4 ☀︎

The next day, Jungwon asked you to meet him at your secret spot. So far, your friends hadn't made any plans to get you together. You saw Jungwon sitting in the middle of the grove, laying down on the damp grass as he usually did. Walking over, you sat down beside him, flicking his forehead so that he would open his eyes.

He grinned on seeing you, sitting up with a soft groan. "So, how was your night?"

You furrowed your brows at the question. It wasn't like him to ask you things like that. But you decided to overlook it. Maybe he was still feeling a bit awkward after the kiss you both hard shared the previous night.

You shrugged. "It was fine. How was yours?"

"I couldn't sleep," he revealed. It sounded like he'd been dying to tell you. "Why's that," you asked, believing that you had an idea of the reason.

"Last night scarred me," Jungwon shared, pretending to gag. You didn't know why, but hearing him say that made your heart sink. Suddenly, you felt horrible. "Was it really that bad," you asked, genuinely curious to know what he thought of it. Jungwon nodded, making you feel even worse. "It was worse than I thought it would be," he added. Your eyes started stinging. A lump formed in your throat and the longer you held it back, the more it hurt. You knew you hadn't been eager to kiss him, but you would argue about how 'bad' it was. But bringing that up right now would just be stupid. Jungwon would misunderstand where you were coming for and that would just lead to another disaster entirely. You had told yourself that you weren't going to let this dare get to you, but four days in you were already slipping. The longer you sat there, listening to Jungwon whine and complain about everything he'd had to do with you so far, the harder it became to control your emotion. Not able to take it anymore, you got up abruptly and ran away, leaving Jungwon sitting there extremely puzzled.

~

☀︎ DAY 5 ☀︎

You didn't respond to any of Jungwon's calls or texts. You didn't have it in you to face him. He would be disappointed if he found out the real reason behind your sappy mood. So you were gonna wait till you got over it before facing him.

You still couldn't believe that you had been so affected by Jungwon saying that he hated the kiss. Despite telling yourself that you disliked it too, you couldn't help but think otherwise. There was something so magical about it. You had never felt that way because of a kiss before. Whenever you thought back to it, an exciting warmth rippled through your mind. Your heart danced in glee and a wide smile formed on your lips.

But you weren't supposed to feel that way. Jungwon was your best friend. Besides, he hadn't kissed you willingly. You didn't understand why it felt so special to you when it clearly meant nothing to him. You knew you couldn't blame him for that. His mind was wired to see you as nothing more than a friend. You found it hilarious. Here you were, realizing that you probably liked your best friend after having continuously assured yourself and him that something like that would never happen. The sad part was that Jungwon would never reciprocate your feelings. You were all alone in this.

A knock sounded at your window, startling you. Slipping out of your reverie, you glanced towards it, eyes widening in surprise when you saw Jungwon crouched before it. You didn't think twice before letting him in. He entered your room and stood in front of you, crossing his arms over his chest. "You wanna explain what happened yesterday?"

You frowned and turned away shoulders slouching disinterestedly. "Is that what you came here for," you asked, regretting letting him in?

"Well did I have a choice? You've been blatantly ignoring me while all I've been trying to do is make sure you're alright," he said, stepping closer to you.

"I'm fine. If that's all you needed to hear, you can leave now," you replied. You didn't need him prying and prodding at you right now.

Jungwon stood his ground, clearly not satisfied with your answer. "No, you're not y/n. You aren't fine. Tell me what's bothering you."

You sighed and faced him. "Trust me, you wouldn't want to know."

Jungwon furrowed his brows. He didn't know what that meant. "I think I'll be the judge of that."

"It's you. You're bothering me," you spoke, narrowing your eyes at him. Jungwon hadn't been expecting that. But he didn't let the surprise show on his face. "What did I do?"

"You made me feel so worthless and undesirable. But that's not your fault. I can't blame you because you're right to think that way about me. I'm just pitying myself here and there's nothing you can do about it so please, just leave me alone." The tears were coming back again. You didn't want to break down in front of Jungwon. His face fell. He didn't know what to say to that. He thought you knew he was just being overdramatic. He seriously hadn't meant to hurt you. Before he could apologize, you turned to him. "I don't think I'll be good at keeping this a secret, so let me just tell you that I'm starting to catch feelings for you. If that makes you uncomfortable then you can leave. If you have something to say, just say it and go. But don't ask me why I feel the way I do because that's something I'm yet to figure out."

Jungwon was at a loss for words. He stood there, gaping at you like an open-mouthed fish before turning on his heel and exiting through your bedroom door. You heard your mother yelp on seeing him, probably wondering where he had shown up from. A part of you wished that he hadn't left, but the other was glad that he was gone. You felt like a fool for letting all of this happen. You should have never agreed to this dare. Who would have thought it would lead to something like this? There was nothing you could do now. There was no way you could change the way you felt. Because at the end of the day, it was as clear as ever, that you were undeniably in love with your best friend Yang Jungwon.

~

☀︎ DAY 6 ☀︎

Jungwon couldn't stop thinking about everything you had told him yesterday. He would never have imagined that you would catch feelings, especially through such a childish dare. Your friends had called you out to the park again today, but Jungwon wasn't going to go. He knew you wouldn't be there so there was no point. He wished he could tell you that he hadn't meant half the things he'd said about the kiss at the grove that day. He was just trying to show you that the kiss hadn't made him feel some type of way. Not just that, but he was also attempting to persuade himself that he indeed had loathed it. Maybe he should have been truthful instead of lying about it.

This was exactly what he'd been afraid of. Jungwon was always fond of you. He cared for you and he wouldn't lie when he said that he loved you. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe he felt that way because he thought of you as more than a friend. Jungwon didn't want to convince himself that he liked you just because you had confessed to him. He wanted to understand the way he truly felt about you.

He knew every little thing about you. No one knew you as well as he did. Jungwon cherished your friendship and the time he spent with you. Whenever anything bugged him, he always came to you, knowing that you were the only person who could make things better. He relied on you more than anyone else. He couldn't go a day without speaking to you. After yesterday, he realized how important you were to him. The fear of losing you ate at him the longer he stayed away from you.

Jungwon hated knowing that you were sad. It hurt more to know that he was the reason behind it. He wanted nothing more than to hug you and apologize for making you feel bad. He felt guilty for everything he had done. It had only been a couple hours since he had last spoken to you, but it felt longer. He missed you so much.

So he left you a text, asking you to meet him at your secret spot. He kept his phone close, waiting till you replied. But you didn't. You probably wanted nothing to do with him. Nonetheless, he still hoped and prayed that you would give him one last chance to make things right again. He couldn't afford to lose someone as special as you. There was nothing for him if he didn't have you.

~

☀︎ DAY 7 ☀︎

Jungwon laid in the grass, staring at the dull sky above. It was filled with clouds, hiding the sun. The grove felt so big and endless when he was alone. When he was with you, it was much more cozy and bright, even if the atmosphere was gloomy.

He had been waiting for you for quite a long time now. You hadn't replied to his message last night, but he knew you had seen it. Just before he was about to lose hope, he heard the grass crunch a few feet away from him. Jungwon didn't have to look to know it was you. No one else knew the path to get here.

"What do you want," you asked, voice small but laced with malice. You were cross with him. Jungwon wished to change that today. He patted the space next to him. "Let's not pretend like we hate each other. You could do the worst thing to me but I'd still admire you."

You didn't argue and sat down beside him. Other than the tension in the air, everything felt normal. There was a scowl on your face. It must have taken a lot of convincing for you to come here. Jungwon needed to get to the point.

"I'm sorry about everything I said. I didn't even mean half of those things."

You scoffed. "Oh really? They sounded pretty heartfelt to me."

Jungwon sat up. "I was just trying to enforce the idea that I wasn't into you, on myself," he revealed, hoping that you would forgive him. "And being a dick was the only way you could do that? Jungwon, you weren't the only one who was attempting to suppress their feelings," you refuted.

"I know y/n. And it's my fault for not realizing sooner," he admitted, hanging his head. You sighed and shook your head. "This is so immature. I can't believe we're letting a stupid dare get in the middle of our friendship."

Jungwon chuckled darkly. "Maybe it's a sign that our friendship has run its course."

You turned to him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jungwon smiled. "I gave it some thought yesterday. We're both attempting to be in denial of our feelings. Obviously, that isn't working out. If it wasn't for this dare, they would've remained buried deep down somewhere. But I guess you could say everything happens for a reason." He took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers. "I never realized how much I loved this feeling until I had to go a whole two days without it."

You couldn't even hide your smile. "Where is this going Jungwon?"

"Maybe we should give this a chance. Give us a chance. Who knows? It could turn out the be the best thing that's ever happened to us," he said, meeting your eyes.

"And what if it doesn't? We would be throwing so many years of friendship away."

Jungwon shook his head. "How long are we supposed to contradict how we truly feel about each other? That would take a heavier toll on us."

You laughed, squeezing his hand. "It doesn't hurt to try I guess."

Jungwon beamed. "That's the spirit!" It felt nice to see you smiling at him again. He was grateful for that. It was funny how a large part of his mood depended on you. If you were happy, he was happy. If you were sad, he was sad. His entire world revolved around you, and Jungwon knew the best thing to do was strengthen that bond.

"So, will you be my girlfriend," he asked, smiling cheekily. You bit your lip, looking at him through your lashes. "Of course I will."

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. Please let me know how you found it! Thank you so much!

[lubdubsworld]

Blackberry Winters.

Part 1

Check part one for warnings 💔

Part 2.

Namjoon stared at his mother, her words registering but not quite sinking in. He blinked, a couple of times and swallowed dryly, trying to gather his wits that felt like they'd been scattered to the four winds. There was a dull ringing in his ear, a feeling of impending horror and he had to fight to bring himself back to the present.

"She is...?" He couldn't even say it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realised the irony of it. It wasn't supposed to makes him feel that way. The reason he had taken her to bed was for this : a heir to take over the duties of the head alpha after him. And yet, he knew that he couldn't just ignore all the things that would come with having a pregnant mate. All the added responsibility.

At the heart of it , Namjoon was exhausted.

He had been trained for this position but it didn't make it any easier. His wolf yearned for solitude and serenity, peaceful quiet where he could contemplate life and all its mysteries but the duties and responsibilities kept piling up. He had no time to indulge in such whimsical fantasies. From daybreak to sundown, he drowned in problems that demanded solutions, issues that required his intervention and he was always giving so much of himself to so many.

It was as taking a toll.

And now here was the promise of another new soul. A pup. Fully dependant on him for survival. It was hard to be ecstatic.

" Why do you look so surprised? Have you not been sleeping with her?" She frowned, moving closer to the small wooden bench in the corner of the room. She sat down, primly adjusting the large swathes of her skirt. Even at her age, she was a beauty and despite being a widow, she was treated with great respect by all the wolves in the clan.

" I have... Of course...I just didn't expect her to ...so soon. " He muttered hesitantly. He made a quick calculation, Conceived at the end of autumn meant the child would be born at the end of summer. Rains and more rains. He would have to commission the weavers to make a lot of warm blankets and thick bedding for the babe. And make sure that all the birthing huts had their roofs mended. He felt an ache in his chest. He knew he had to have a heir. It was part of what he was responsible for. But he wasn't ready to be a father yet. Especially not with someone like her.

" You haven't been very subtle in your disdain for her, Joon. It makes me wonder of perhaps I have failed in teaching you the ways of a husband." His mother's sharp voice made him wince.

His parents had been deeply in love with each other. His mother had been an equal contributor in running the clan, his father's most trusted confidante. He couldn't imagine having something like that with the woman he had rather recklessly chained himself to for life. But he couldn't be openly defiant in front of his mother.

So he bowed.

" I've tried to talk to her mother. She looks at me like I'm some marauding villain."

Lady Kim scoffed.

" Because, for all she knows, you may as well be one. Think of who she is, how she was raised. Her mother died when she was eight and she has been keeping house for her father since then. It Is a miracle she knows how to read a few words and to write her own name. Old man Gong is unkind and cruel and I've only ever watched him treat her like an unruly dog that needed discipline and never like his own flesh and blood. She knows men to be cruel and powerful and capable of doing her great harm. Add to it your status as the head of the clan, of course she thinks you're dangerous. "

" am I to be blamed for her childhood now?"

" Don't be obtuse. That is not what I'm saying. I just want you to consider her upbringing, before you write her off as dramatic or hysterical. "

Namjoon sighed deeply.

" Alright, mother. I'll try to talk to her again. "

And he knew that he had to. If he wanted some semblance of peace in his life, he would have to make an effort with his wife.

----------------------------

Jiah sat by the haybale near the barn, cross-legged on the dirty floor as she watched Misu and Loshim, two of the stable boys tend to the horses. She stared at the careful way they brushed the large beasts, their tone gentle and soothing as they murmured reassurance to the agitated animals. She found it fascinating, how even an animal that powerful could feel fear and anxiety. It made her feel better about her own shortcomings.

From a very young age, she had known of her flaws. She was jittery, prone to cold sweats and breathing problems, easily frightened and absolutely terrified of confrontation of any kind. Her parents had been, to put it lightly, unkind. They had seen her as a burden, as something broken and useless and cumbersome and that had done nothing for her self esteem.

To make matters worse, they didn't let her attend lessons with the other omega girls, her education limited to scribbled writing on granite with chalk when her father was feeling bored or charitable. She could read a few words with difficulty . Could write her name out if you gave her some time and patience.

At first, her ignorance had been embarassing but over time she realised her education wouldn't serve her much purpose.

She thought of herself as something temporary and fleeting. Not meant to leave any lasting impression on the world. So it was alright if she didn't know what every other girl her age did. She was going to live and die in that hut near the boundary walls..... She would have no use for fancy words or exotic dances.

Or so she hd always believed.

So when the head alpha had asked for her hand in marriage, she had nearly passed out from her heart giving out.

Namjoon was seven years older, almost thirty winters old and she had only ever caught glimpses of him when he came to check on her father's watchpost occasionally. He was a tall man, strapping and intimidating with dragon eyes that glowed red. And one evening he had stopped by her side when she had been tending the beets and potatoes in the small vegetable garden out back.

He had stared at her for a few long minutes while she had sweated in nervousness and then he had promptly asked for her father. When the man had Stepped in and told her father that he was looking to make her his bride, the old man had been jubilant while Jiah had been confounded.

She hadn't wanted to say yes but she had been too much of a coward to say no. Besides, she didn't know if saying no would have any repurcussions....she didn't want to risk offending the literal head of the entire clan. What if they banished her? What would become of her then?

And so she had said yes. And here she was.

Mated to the man for life, her wolf connected to his and his mark on her neck and now....his child in her womb.

She felt the familiar stirring of panic, digging her nails into her palm to ground herself .

Jiah had long come to terms with the fact that her mind was not her friend. It sometimes tried to attack her , tried to make her feel irrational things. It convinced her that she was a bother, that she was useless, that she was a burden. It also tried to tell her that she was in danger, that she had to run and avoid and get away, even when she was perfectly safe.

When she had first come here as the head Alphas new wife, her brain had wrecked havoc on her senses. Had made her feel like a hunted animal, always cowering and hiding and trying to disappear . Namjoon had tried to be friendly, tried to be courteous and all she had done was hide and recoil, skin ice cold and words practically non existent. She hadn't said a word to him those first few days and even the bedding had been a nightmare, her entire body stiff as a board and she knew that he had probably felt like he was making love to a corpse.

She regretted it. Deeply. But there was not much she could do about it now. Besides she wasn't sure she even wanted to. It was obvious her husband's affections lay elsewhere. She had seen the way he looked at that courtesan. Had seen him sneak out for walks with her, had seen them huddled together in the room with all the scrolls and leather bound books.

Jisoo was a beautiful omega, well read and trained in musical arts. She played the gayageum and the flute, knew how to entertain guests with a perfect ceremonial dance and she was always at the helm of every festivity, dressed in vibrant fabrics and full of life.

She was also madly in love with Namjoon.

Jiah sighed, watching the horses paw at the dirty stable floor. She wanted to get to know her husband, yes. But she knew that even if she did, he would only find her wanting and inadequate in all ways.

And that was just not acceptable .

She maybe self aware when it came to her short comings but she also had her pride.

She would rather live like this. Tucked away like an embarassment, hidden like a dirty secret because then there would be no piercing gaze weighing her against her peers and declaring her broken.

Yes.

Pregnant or not, she wanted nothing to do with her husband.

------------------------

" Are you feeling well now?" Namjoon's voice startled her, eyes going wide as she looked around the resting quarters , gaze finally falling on the man standing near the large table on the side. Namjoon was bent over the rough oak surface , papers spread out in front of him, an oil lamp burning bright nearby, casting a sepia shadow on the man himself and she hesitated, debating the pros and cons of excusing herself to go see his mother instead. Maybe claiming a headache?

In the end she did neither, resolving to at least make an effort with this.

" I'm well, alpha. " She swallowed the lump in her throat. " I'm sorry for inconveniencing you. "

He straightened, turning around to look at her finally.

" Do you wish to move into another room?" He said briskly and she startled.

" Another room?"

" Now that you are with pup, there's no reason for us to keep sleeping together. I prefer having my own space. "

Jiah felt the blood rush through her ears. This shouldn't hurt but it did and she could feel the self loathing flood her senses. She stared down at herself, the lack of beauty and the utter lack of any kind of elegant upbringing. Of course he didn't want to stay with her any longer. What had she been thinking , agreeing to this farce of a mating?

" I... Alright. "

Namjoon turned away from her.

" Good. I've already arranged for all your things to be moved to the west wing , next to the gardens."

Far away from his rooms, Jiah thought bitterly. The sudden realization that Namjoon had been looking for some sort of brood mare and not a mate hit her . And it suddenly made sense that he hd picked her.

Someone easy to boss around.

Someone who wouldn't demand anything from him, loyalty or affection or attention .

And it irked her for some reason.

Why did he get to treat her that way? Why must she put up with it?

But she stayed quiet because she wasn't sure what to say.

" You can leave now, Jiah. " He said dismissively and she hesitated before stepping out of the room.

And she wondered if with her departure, someone else would be taking her place in his bed.

-----------------------------

Authors Note : would you guys like first person narrative or should I continue in third person? 👀

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

SFW ALPHABET A-Z

Gojo Satoru Edition 💙

note: I just want to thank everyone for making this blog hit 500+ followers. Never in my wildest dreams would have thought to have a writing blog and a one that is so supported and loved. I love everyone single of my followers and readers who took the time to read my content. English isn’t my first language so I struggle a lot when writing since I make a lot of typos and I barely have any writing skills. Even though I reread it to check I still manage to find some typos so I’m constantly editing, even my old posts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how happy each comment or reblogs makes me, I love reading what you guys think. I will continue to work hard for you guys and the jkk community! Please look forward to future updates my lovelies! ❤

A= Admiration (How do they admire you? What is their thoughts about you? What is their reaction in meeting you for the first time? Do they instantly like you?)

Gojou loves staring at you and he's not afraid if he gets caught.

Even if you're doing chores or you're laughing with the first years. You could of just woken up with messy hair, drool dried on the corner of your mouth and he'll still think you're the most beautiful person in the world.

When he stares at you it's as if the world slows down and everyone goes in slow motion. He'll notice the twinkle in your eyes or how you suddenly shifted to your right. As he's in a trace where his hearts flutters at the sight of you.

His Six Eyes will notice even the tiniest detail about you.

Even in a crowded room his eyes will immediately try to find your form. You're the first person he seeks whenever and wherever.

He likes to boast about you to everyone, especially his students. You're his lover and he's proud to have you.

To him, you're his equal, his safe haven. You're the only person he can truly let his guard down with. You love him not because "he's the strongest shaman" but just as "Satoru" and that's something he thinks about that makes him feel all warm inside.

You're his everything, he wouldn't know what would he do if he ever loses you. If Gojou truly loves you he will fully commit to it.

You and Gojou didn't exactly start off on the right foot.

You thought he was too arrogant and annoying.

While he thought you were weak and boring.

You quickly proved that wrong, and his perception of you changed. He would often tease you and find opportunities to spar with you.

You slowly started to grow on each other from rivals to lovers.

He's still annoying though.

B= Bestie (Do they act like best friends while dating? How comfortable are they with you?)

Why absolutely! You guys are lovers at the same time bestfriends.

Gojou is very comfortable around you. He's pretty confident man already but when he's around you there's no breaks for this man.

He will do the wackiest and craziest things just see you laugh and smile.

You both tell each other everything, such as recent turn of events or even student gossip. He loves to gossip.

You can expect him to wake you up at 2 am just to go to McDonald's while blasting music from the car while you both sing on top of your lungs.

Of course there will be moments where both have arguments or disagreements but they don't last long. They get solved pretty easily.

"Wanna get icecream?"

"Fine, but you're playing."

Gojou can be quite obnoxious at times and you're not afraid to let him know. He doesn't listen and still annoy you anyways.

But now you should be used to his antics and don't take them too seriously.

There is no such thing as a boundary for this man.

He can literally become your safe haven during sad times or hell as he tickles you until you cry.

C= Cuddles (How often do they cuddle? How are they when they cuddle? What cuddle position do they like best? Are they the Big Spoon or Little Spoon?)

If he could, Gojou would always want to be cuddling with you. Whenever and wherever you both are.

He loves the feeling of having you in his arms or him in your arms. His home is where your arms are. It's one of the moments where his Infinity isn't activated.

He wrap his long limps around you and bring you as physically close as possible so he can nuzzle against you or press kisses to you.

Whenever he's in a cuddling mood or he's feeling stressed he'll come to find you and pull you to the nearest chair. He'll have you sit in his lap while he embraces you tightly. He won't go until he's satisfied too!

He usually prefers to be the bigger spoon, he likes the idea that you're safe within his arms. Sometimes he'll just stare at you while you sleep, smiling to himself as he drifts off to sleep.

If you're both in bed you must cuddle! It's a rule he made up.

He doesn't being the little spoon either, he loves the feeling of when you playing with hair. He truly feels comfortable and vulnerable within your arms.

He can't decide with position he likes best, he just likes the feeling of your body close to his.

D= Domestic (Are they willing to settle down with you? Are they willing to do chores? What do you two do at home?)

Gojou never thought he would settle down. That is until he met you!

With his busy and dangerous lifestyle, he thought he would spend the rest of his days alone.

Being with him, is a huge risk. The higher ups or the enemies would use you as a bargaining chip.

After lots of convincing, that you'll promise to be by his side forever. You'll have his heart now and forever.

Gojou when he's at home...he's lazy. He'll be munching on some snacks, lying on the sofa while you hang the laundry.

Somedays he's tired from work, so you let him be but if he really isn't doing anything. Some threats work really well on him.

"If you don't don't do the laundry, you're sleeping on the sofa tonight!"

"Then I'm off to do it!"

Having growing up with servants, he's not used to doing household chores.

But he will try, because he doesn't want you take take on the full workload. Teach him, he's a fast learner!

At home, within your arms is where he feels safest. Majority of the time you two would be in contact with each other one way or another.

You're watching tv? He's sitting you with his arm around your shoulder. If you're cooking, he'll come and unexpectedly hug you from behind. This man craves your touch.

Watching movies or television is something you both do very often, you'll both be snuggled up together, while Gojou throws commentary here and there.

Cooking or baking is another thing you both do. Majority of the time you both rarely get to spend together due to Gojou's work schedule. Who ever arrives home first will have to make dinner. However, you two are both at home you both help each other make a delicious dessert or meal. Nothing like eating a home cooked meal together.

Playing video games together is a must! You're his player number 2. He's very competitive so if he wins, it's non stop boasting but if he loses he demands an immediate rematch. Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers is some the common ones you both play.

E= Endeavor (Are they supportive in you trying to do something? Will they help you reach for it?)

Gojou Satoru is known to be your literal hype man.

He will be very supportive of you and what you're trying to accomplish. As long as it's not something like becoming a murder. He's gonna have to do a double take on that.

If you're gonna become a piano, he'll have a grand piano delivered straight to your home. If you're gonna become an artist, he will buy you the best art supplies.

As they say "live your life to the fullest" and Gojou completely agrees with that statement.

If you're trying to learn something new, he will be encouraging you. There are times where he can be a little but don't take it to heart. He just wants you to improve and sugarcoating things isn't always the best way to improve.

If you're feeling down but you're trying to achieve, he'll be there to comfort you and motivate you.

"Things won't always go your way, but I promise I'll be there to cheer you on."

If you're trying to learn a new skill, he might have a go at it too. He's a fast learner but if he doesn't or can't do something, he'll just blame it on the fact that if he does it then he's gonna become perfect so he chooses not to. It's just to save his huge ego.

F= Fights (How often do you guys fight? Who apologizes first? How long will the fight last? What is the reason behind the fight?)

You guys argue pretty often but they're mostly about trival issues. Like Gojou forgot to take out the trash or who cooks today.

If you both do fight seriously. It would definitely have to do with "work". Because of Gojou's busy schedule you're not sure when will he be back home or when he will be gone. If you both have very different schedules it would definitely lead to some misunderstandings.

If you realize you did something wrong you'll apologize to him right away. While he spouts things like "I told you so!" but he's only teasing.

If he realizes he did something wrong it'll take him a while for him to admit it. Depending on the seriousness of the situation his apology will differ.

If it's something trivial, he'll just pepper you with kisses while says sorry a hundred times.

If it's serious, he'll fully embrace you and apologize, straight to the point no needless words.

Trivial fights don't last long but serious one may take time. Depending on who's wrong or right.

Gojou is a stubborn person so even if he's wrong it'll take him a while to admit it. Maybe days or a week but no longer than that. After all he can't resist not being around you.

G= Guard (Are they protective of you? How protective are they? Are they willing to risk themselves to save you?)

This depends whether you're a shaman or a civilian.

If you are a civilian, he will be very protective of you. You don't have the ability to see curses so who knows what or when can hurt you.

He'll take sure to put lots of talismans and barriers around your home for safety.

Gojou due to his busy work schedule won't always be home or be around you. During these days he's worried sick about you.

He'll be sure to message or call you whenever he can to check up on you.

If he truly senses you're in danger, no matter what he'll go to you instantly. After that happens he'll more frightened of losing you and might resort to leaving you.

Despite how much he loves you, you're life is more precious than him. He can't risk that by being around you.

If you're a shaman just like him, he won't be as protective over you. He'll understand and trust that you'll be able to defend yourself.

He'll make sure to spar with you so that you won't lose in touch in fighting.

Even though he knows you can take care of yourself, in his heart he still worries for you. So he may or may not pop up randomly during your missions and exorcise the curse immediately.

You may end up getting annoyed or mad at him because you may think he thinks you're weak but that's not the case. He just loves you and worries about you.

Whether you're a civilian or shaman, Gojou will 100% risk his life to save you. He's lost so many people, he can't afford lose you too.

If you're out in public, he'll be sure to be holding your hand or have an arm around your waist. He'll glare at anyone who looks at you funny through his sunglasses.

Gojou has a massive presence so good luck to anyone who tries to approach you. They gotta get through him first.

H= Healing (What is their reaction in you getting hurt? Do they get hurt often? Do they help you patching you up? Or do they not know how to patch you up, and tries their hardest?)

Gojou hates seeing you hurt in anyway. Even if it's a tiny wound. It's kinda like if you're hurt he's hurt too. That's his way of thinking.

If you get injured during a mission, you can bet Gojou will be all over you.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"For the hundred time, yes..."

Despite your assurance that are fine, he'll still insist to take you to Shoko just to be safe.

If it's a trivial wound like you accidentally cut yourself or you stubbed your toe. Gojou will be the one to take care of the wound. He does have basic knowledge on how to treat wounds.

If it's a severe wound, he'll instantly bring you to Shoko. He'll teleport all the way from Hokkaido to Tokyo if he has to.

He doesn't know how to use the Reverse Cursed Technique but at the moment when you're dying in his arms he will try his best to.

He will literally become your human shield if he knows things are dire.

If he sees an enemy wound you, well it's gonna be game over for the enemy. Instant oblivion.

It is known that Gojou has his Infinity activated at all times, so he doesn't ever get hurt whether from missions or trivial issues.

Very rare but when he does turn off his Infinity he can get hurt but it's because he let's it happen.

He still gets sick from time to time because that's something his Infinity can't protect him from.

I= Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do you two often go on dates?)

Gojou as we all know is very affectionate and romantic person.

He's very cheesy and likes to tease you just to see you blush.

He can't keep his hands off of you, he has to be touching you even just by lacing your fingers together. He also likes to stand near you often behind you or right beside you.

Gojou goes all over Japan for his missions and he makes sure to always bring a souvenir home for you whether it's a little trinket or something you'll like. Definitely will buy sweets, he'll share just a little though.

You'll often be surprised with deliveries of bouquets at work addressed to you but not written from who but you know who it is.

This man is extremely rich, so you ever have an eye on something, he'll secretly buy it for you.

When you're cold, he'll give you his jacket or hug you to keep you warm. If you're feeling hot under the sun, use this man as your personal shade. He doesn't mind.

It's rare for the both of you to have day offs at the same time so it's always something special to him.

He'll either take you out shopping or a cafe date.

He loves going around Tokyo with you to different places and secretly takes pictures of you when you're not looking.

If you don't feel like going anywhere he's fine with just cuddling you while watching a movie.

Gojou just has a sense for you if you're feeling down or stressed. He'll instantly know and would try to make you feel better.

He can cook your favorite meal or even give you a massage.

He's not shy to show the world how much he loves you, everyone in the Jujutsu society knows about you two.

J= Jealousy (How often do they get jealous? Do they get easily jealous? How will they react?)

Gojou doesn't get jealous easily. He trusts you and knows the things you do and won't do. However, on rare occasions it does happen but he won't directly voice it out.

"I'm the strongest most handsome shaman ever!" But behind that he still has insecurities. It usually depends on the person you're interacting with. If he sees you getting a little too close to someone, he'll step inーcausally stepping in between the two of you. A hand around your waist around strangers and a full on back hug around people he knows.

If a stranger tries to pick you up, he'll swoop right in towering the poor stranger. He knows he's attractive and he knows show to use it.

"Pay attention to me (Y/N), not Nanami!.

"Satoru, we're talking the recent sighting of a grade 1 cursed spirit."

Afterwards he'll just be very whiny and needy, he wants your full attention on him and him only!

K= Kissing (Do they like kissing you? Are they shy or confident in kissing you?)

Gojou Satoru loves all forms of affection. Kissing being one of them.

Gojou has had experience with kissing so he knows what he's doing. One moment he'll be kissing you sweetly then it turns into a full blown make out session.

He's not embarrassed about kissing you in public. Despite the Japanese culture of being conservative of PDA. He won't be making out with you in front of the entire crosswalk but he'll give you pecks or smooches that last a moment or two.

Whenever he leaves for work, he'll always ask for his goodbye kiss or when he's back home he'll be eagerly waiting for your kiss.

Whenever you both pass by each other whether at home or at school, he'll press a chaste kiss to you.

His tongue is divine, he definitely knows how to use his tongue. You can bet he knows how to tie a cherry into a knot using just his tongue.

You will always taste something sweet lingering on him as you kiss him.

He doesn't have a specific type of kiss he likes, he likes them all as long as they're with you. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, eskimo kisses you name it!

He will definitely will to try out all forms of kisses with you.

L= Love (Who drops the L-word first? Would they rather say it or do it?)

Love is a complicated feeling, Gojou hasn't felt that before with any of his past relationships.

That was until he met you. That's when he realized that what the feeling was.

You were cuddling in bed together, face to face. There was no talking just silence as the two of you stare deeply into each other's eyes. Only the light of the moonlight peaking through the curtains illuminating the room.

Gojou stares into your eyes with a soft smile on his face as he gently lays his hand on your cheek.

Your eyes held the universe within them, the universe that is you and it's staring back at him with so much love and affection within them. He feels the warmth spread throughout his body. He whispers softly "I love you..." as his own eyes reflect yours.

You gasp with eyes widening, processing the words he spoke. You feel your eyes well up in tears, as your cheeks warm. You place your hand over his and whisper back "I love you too.." smiling brightly at him.

That was the moment when he first told you he loved you, it was so genuine and raw.

Afterwards he'll always voice out that he loves you but of course he shows it as well. He'll call you beautiful while pressing a kiss to your forehead.

M= Marriage (How do they propose to you? What’s their ideal wedding like? Where do you plan it?)

Gojou is a very spontaneous man, I can imagine him doing it during the most mundane and random moments. Such as after you're both walking home from a date or maybe it's late into the night while you're both cuddling.

Maybe moments where you're hurt or if he almost lost you.

"Marry me, (Y/N)..."

It's just a spur of the moment kind of thing, when he's the most vulnerable. When he realizes "ah, I want to spend the rest of my life with this person..."

Gojou is pretty flexible with the kind of wedding he wants. He doesn't really have a dream wedding.

The elders of his clan would definitely bug him for a Traditional one as it is customary.

However, if you want a Western style wedding instead he will definitely go for it.

Mostly likely, you both will have two weddings one traditional and western.

Money is different not an issue with this man. Say the word and you shall receive. It's definitely going to be extravagant.

Whether you want to or not he'll find a way to splurge his money.

If the elders are opposed to your marriage you'll both will just have a private wedding, inviting the people closest to you guys.

Not marrying you because someone said no is not an option for him.

N= Nicknames (What do they call you? Do they call you these in public as well? How often do they call you in nicknames?)

Gojou has a variety of nicknames for you!

Ranging from the typical baby, babe, sweetie, darling and honey.

Or something more sweet such as princess/prince, my love, my dearest.

And there's those really cringey ones such as sugarpie, cupcake, my strawberry cheesecake.

He will literally call you by any dessert name.

"Hey, my kikufuku!" Yup, that's you.

If you're shorter than him you can add shorty, short stuff or munchkin to the list.

When he uses them usually depends on the situation. If he's feeling really affectionate or needy he'll be using the really sweet nicknames.

Sometimes he'll even come up with the most ridiculous ones as much as it embarrasses you.

Usually he'll just call you using the common nicknames. He will only use your real name during serious situations.

He's not shy about proclaiming you as his chocolate cupcake. Not even in front of his students or colleagues.

"Are you referring to (L/N) sensei?" "Bingo!"

You've tried to beg him to stop but the man doesn't listen.

O= Open (How open are they with you? Are they willing to share their secrets and past with you? Do they trust you?)

Gojou despite being a man who loves to talk does not like talking about his private life or his past.

It's very personal information to him and he doesn't want the information to fall into the wrong hands.

If anyone asks about it he'll either ignore the question or answer it very vaguely.

You would have to be someone has spent years by his side to be to attain that level of trust with you.

There are some things in his past that isn't easy to talk about, even though it doesn't bother him now. If you ask he will tell you about it briefly.

If it's information not regarding his secrets or his past, he doesn't sharing those details. If you wanna about his mission or want to check his phone, he will let you. He has nothing to hide except the secret pictures he takes of you.

He in return trusts you as well, but he won't pry into things you don't want to talk about.

If you manage to gain his trust enough for him to reveal personal information about him, don't break it. If you do, you will never be able to gain it back.

P= PDA (Are they into PDA? Do they often do it? Their reaction if you hold their hands or kiss them in public.)

Gojou is into PDA but he doesn't flaunt it as often as you think. He won't be making out with you in the middle of the school hallway but he will press chaste kisses to you.

He's not afraid to hug you or hold your hand around the faculty or students.

He won't do something inappropriate in public he likes to keep that in private. Through sometimes he will because he likes seeing you embarrassed while you desperately ask him to stop. Trying not to gain the attention of the people around you.

He also likes seeing the reactions of other people when he does display affection towards you but mostly he does it to see your cute reactions.

If you initiate hand holding with him, he will definitely hold your hand back tightly. If you kiss him, he'll be surprised but then he's quick to tease you about it.

"Oya, is my cupcake getting bold～?"

If anyone looks at you two with disgust he will yell out "you got a problem?"

He's not shy to show the world he loves you.

Q= Quirk (Do they find your quirks adorable or odd? Do they tell you or not? Do they have a quirk of their own?)

Nothing escapes his keen eyesight. He'll notice and remember a lot of your quirks even the ones you're unconsciously doing.

He thinks its absolutely adorable, like how you furrow your eyebrows in concentration how you pout when you're deep in thought.

All these little quirks make you who you are and he adores them.

Gojou will tell you about them of course, even if you try to deny it. If you don't believe he'll try to take a picture to show you which ends up making you really embarrassed.

"I can't help it, I don't even know that I'm doing that..." you whisper with a blush on your face.

Gojou has a quirk of fiddling with his blindfold or his sunglasses if he's wearing them.

Definitely a fan of putting his hands in his jacket or hands while he stands or walks. He doesn't like the feeling of his hands being empty.

R= Reliable (Are they loyal? How loyal are they? Are they there for you when you need someone?)

Gojou is a very honest and down to earth kind of guy. Of course, loyalty is something he firmly commits to.

Cheating is something he won't resort to at all costs. No woman or man is tempting enough for him to be swayed.

We all know he is a good looking guy, he's bound to attract suitors anywhere but he'll turn them all down. He already has you, why would he need anyone else?

There are times where you might feel insecure or jealous but Gojou will always be there to assure you not to. He'll do his best to comfort you, until you're smiling again.

"You're the only one I need..."

During these times he'll even share his precious sweets with you. He'll feed you cake while hugging you from behind.

Have faith in him because whenever you need him, he'll make sure to be there.

S= Solace (How do they comfort you? Do they immediately notice you being sad?)

Gojou just has sense whenever you're feeling sad, even though you try your hardest to hide it.

He just sees through your facade. He won't ask if you're okay when he clearly knows you'll try to lie about it.

If you're trying to avoid him, he'll either pin you against the wall or pull you into his embrace.

He'll be silent as he takes off his blindfold to stare deep into your eyes, how could you lie when those eyes are looking straight at you.

He won't ask you about what's bothering you but he will always be there to comfort you.

Gojou would pull you into his lap on his expensive chair and cradle you like child as he gently caresses your hair.

Ligerning forehead kisses is also he does to comfort you.

Gojou would also bring his sweets stash and slowly feed you some while he hugs you from behind. If you want food, he'll be glad to cook up your favorite meal.

He knows a lot of cringy and cheesy jokes, in which ends up with him laughing at his own jokes. His laughter is contagious so wouldn't be able to hold back a smile after that.

T= Turn-off (What do they dislike in people? What is their turn-off?)

Gojou hates the old way of thinking he finds in elders especially the elders of his clan and the jujutsu society.

He doesn't like anything anything serious or boring. If you're too uptight, he'll find a way to break that.

Another thing he hates is when people do something behind his back or say something behind his back. If you have something to say, then say it straight it to him.

Routine is another thing he dislikes, he's very spontaneous and looks for the fun in things.

He dislikes vegetables and anything bitter. He's a lover of sweets afterall!

Prying too much into his personal life, as proud as he isーhe doesn't like going around talking much about his private life or his past.

U= Umbrageous (Do they easily get offended by what you said? How will they react when you get hurt by what they said?)

Now if you mean playful gets offended then the answer would be yes. If you're seriously trying to offend him, he won't. He's not the type to take things like that to heart.

Call him an idiot, a narcissist, he will playful hold his chest in pain and whine to you while he pouts.

He'll even tease you back if he feels like it.

"Sorry, did you say something～?"

Even though he doesn't take insults to heart, if you use his past against him, he will take offense to it. His past is something he doesn't want to bring up so if you or anyone brings it up. That changes things.

He tries to keep the optimism but he's only human with emotions so there will be times you could offend him.

If you managed to offend him, he'll be unusually quiet as he dwells on your words.

He won't resort to anger but that doesn't mean he won't at times. That's when he's firing insults back you, blinded by rage. He will regret it afterwards though.

V= Vision (What do they imagine their future? What is their dream? Do they want to spend it with you?)

If Gojou truly loves you, he'll definitely would want to spend the rest of his life with you by his side. Somewhere where he doesn't have to be on guard and would always welcome him with open arms.

Yet at the same time he is afraid of the dangers that come associated with him. If you're a civilian he'll try to distance himself away from you. He's afraid one day when he's not around, someone might come after you. His world is completely different from that of a normal person's afterall.

If you work in the same field as him. He'll definitely be more reluctant to push you away, because he knows you can handle yourself. It lessens his worries.

Still life as a shaman is still as dangerous, you're putting your lives at risk every time you go on a mission. The thought of losing you scares him to the very core.

Despite that he still loves you and if can't be with you he would like to associated with you someway maybe as acquaintances or friends.

He dreams of a world without cursed spirits, where he can live a peaceful life, settle down and start a family with you.

In a world crowded with darkness he dreams of a single ray of solace that is you.

Someone that will stay by his side no matter how difficult it will be.

W= Wacky (What is their reaction in you doing something crazy? Will they join you or stop you?)

Gojou Satoru is a man child, he does the most ridiculous of things like wearing a skirt of a highschool student.

If you're the type of person who's just as energetic and wild as him, it's going to be chaos.

You both will pull pranks on the students and faculty. Poor Ijichi being one of your primary targets.

If you're the type of person who's more on the serious side then he'll be shocked by your suggestion.

But of course he's willing to join in whatever plot you have.

Gojou already gives the higher ups a headache, if you're added to the mix it's going to end up being a massive headache.

He lost count of the amount of times he got scolded by Principal Yaga.

He can come up with the wildest ideas and sometimes you will have to become his break.

Principal Yaga specifically asked you to keep him in check after all.

X= Xtra (Random Headcannon about them)

Gojou Satoru has a driver's license. In fact he even owns several cars.

Of course, they're all the expensive ones because he thinks they look cool.

Does he use them? Not that often, when you literally have the ability to teleport or have Ijichi to drive you around.

As you expect he's a fast driver, you will literally be griping your seatbelt for dear life. It looks like he's gonna crash but he won't. He just likes to scare you.

Of course there's a stash of candy and extra pairs of sunglasses in the glovebox.

Gojou is surprisingly a great cook. You would think being raised with servants he wouldn't know how to cook but he does.

He studies the recipe very carefully and cooks. It's as if he has a natural talent for cooking.

At first, you were pretty skeptical of his cooking but once you had of bite of his dish. You could feel the literal flavors explode on your tongue.

When it's his turn for him to cook, expect him to be wearing a cute apron while blasting music from his speaker.

He'll be singing and dancing in the kitchen.

Hug him from behind while he cooks and he'll melt right then and there. Trying to hide a blush from you.

Y= Yearning (Do they long for you? Will they find themselves missing you while you’re away? If so, how will they cope with it?)

Even though you haven't seen each other for a day he terribly miss you. Your just gives him warm and when you're not there he feels cold.

He goes on missions very often and they can last days or even weeks depending on the case. He'll try to update you as much as he can on when he could come home.

Even when he's in the middle of fighting cursed spirits, he'll find his mind wondering towards you.

If he's away from you, you'll be getting calls and texts from him quite frequently. He'll make sure to always greet you good morning or good night and ask how you are.

He'll always ask if you've eaten or not and asks you to send a picture of your meal to prove it to him. He needs to know you're being well fed.

If you think he talks too much he texts just as much. He'll even take random selfies of himself or something interesting he wants you to see.

If you send him a selfie or video he'll save that so fast and save that to his folder. So he can look through them whenever he misses you.

If it's a long mission, he might pack one of your shirts which has your scent so he could take a whiff to calm himself or cuddle as he sleeps.

After a mission if he's not tired yet, he'll video call you every now and then.

He'll try to come back as fast as possible because he doesn't feel complete without your presence.

Z= Zzz (Do they fall asleep easily? Do they move around while sleeping? What sleeping position do they like best?)

If we are talking about the past Gojou, maybe around his youth then no. He had difficulty sleeping because sleeping meant he's vulnerable to attacks.

This is why relies mostly on sweets to stimulate his brain because there are days where he can't sleep at all. His powers drain a lot of energy to keep up.

Once he could run Infinity automatically, he doesn't have any trouble sleeping at all. In fact, he passes out instantly once his head hits the pillow.

The man works hard and goes on tons of missions so of course he's bound to be tired when he gets home.

Gojou Satoru is 190 cm tall so of course he has a large king sized bed at home. He likes having a lot of space but he tends to move around a lot unconsciously.

There have been times where he has fallen off the bed as well.

If you're sleeping with him and want to prevent him from taking all the bed space, you both cuddle that way his limbs are locked on you.

His likes to sleep laying on his back while you lay on your chest or embracing you from behind as you both sleep on your sides.

It's very rare from him to snore but that doesn't mean he doesn't and when he does, it's loud.

However sleeping with him has it's benefits, if you wake up before him you'll be graced by the most angelic view. As he breathes softy while his long white eye lashes remain closed.

If he does wake up you will also be graced by his morning voice which is divine.

[0606-hyuck]

BOYFRIEND!KUN

includes:

♡ before the relationship

♡ becoming comfortable/humour

♡ relationships with other members

♡ jealousy/pda/flirting

♡ disagreements

♡ dates/texting/social media

♡ languages/"i love you"

masterlist

enjoy!

wc: 1.4k

♡ before the relationship ♡

you knew each other through your mutual friend, ten

as you spent time together and with ten's other friends, you started developing a crush on kun

he was always just so sickeningly sweet to you and you'd never been treated so well by a man that wasn't even your boyfriend

kun was always really fond of you too and loved your company

he also had a crush on you but you had no idea

he respected your boundaries and would never knowingly flirt with you or do anything to make you uncomfortable

and because of this you assumed you were just a good friend to kun

eventually ten got sick of you fawning over his friend and he told you to just confess to kun

it took you even longer after that to actually work up the courage and tell him you liked him

when you did, he was so surprised and he had no idea you liked him in that way

you'd both been so platonic with each other that you'd assumed you would never get together

"why didn't you say something earlier?"

"why didn't YOU say something, kun?"

♡ becoming comfortable/humour ♡

starting a relationship with him felt really natural

nothing really changed, he'd always treated you so well

you just openly flirted with each other now

kun would always get flustered whenever you flirted with/complimented him, especially if you did it in front of his members

because they'd all tease him about the blush spreading across his face

you also love to cuddle up together

kun loves being the big spoon and feeling like he has you protected in his arms

he could just sit for hours cuddling with you, watching movies, talking etc

you knew he was getting comfortable in the relationship when one day he came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his hair

"why did you do that? you have short hair???"

"you do it all the time and it looks fun so i wanted to try it"

is highkey really witty

will banter with you if only to see you smile

and because it amuses him

if you're getting a lil too cocky he'll come back with a clever but good-natured reply/joke and you're like "damn where did that come from"

DADDY KUN

he's just all round very domestic with you

even before you two started dating

we all know kun is such a parent figure to his members and he's really no different with you

treats you like the queen you are and always puts your feelings first

to the point where you sit there and think "what did i do to deserve a qian kun in my life"

lowkey existential crises because you're not sure what you did in a past life to get so lucky with kun

but it's fine tho

♡ relationships with other members♡

the other members love to call you their second parent

or even just refer to you and their mum and kun as their dad

they love to tease kun when you're around, especially if it's about you

cue ten and lucas screaming in second-hand embarrassment when kun does something cute with you

also relentless teasing from yangyang and hendery

yangyang: *in kun's voice* jagiya~ don't forget to eat today

honestly they all put bets on when you two would start dating because they knew it would happen eventually

and xiaojun would be like "no, placing bets on their relationship is wrong" but he'd also win the bet lol

♡ jealousy/pda/flirting ♡

i don't think kun would get visibly jealous that much?

like if one of the members was playfully trying to make him jealous he'd probably tell them to back off just because he knows that's the reaction they want

if some stranger was flirting with you he wouldn't necessarily feel jealous, but he would kindly but firmly tell the person you are taken

he'd be more worried about the person making you feel uncomfortable rather than jealous tbh

kun understands you have your own life and doesn't get jealous when you hang out with your friends or family

he's not a massive fan of pda, but sometimes for fun he'll kiss you in the dorms because he knows the other members find it cringey

he gives off "middle-aged-dad-deliberately-embarrassing-his-teenaged-children" vibes

you aren't a couple that flirts much

just because your relationship is so domestic and wholesome

although you do find it fun to flirt with kun in front of wayv and watch him turn beet red

kun prefers to tell you straight up how amazing you are rather than flirt with you

but occasionally he'll come up with a line that's so clever and smooth

it’s just very attractive the one time a year he decides to actually flirt with you lol

♡ disagreements? ♡

you almost never get into fights with him

but when you have a disagreement, it's usually about how you want to be independent and not rely on him all the time

can be a bit overbearing and he can get his feelings hurt when you remind him he's your boyfriend and not your caregiver

you know he loves spending money and buying things for you, but sometimes you want to be able to buy things for yourself and not need his help all the time

a big clash for you is money

but you know he's only offering to help because he loves you, he's not trying to embarrass you or anything like that

it just genuinely doesn't cross his mind that you'd want to spend your own money or do stuff yourself

and once he knows it's an issue he backs off and even encourages you to be more independent

♡ dates/texting/social media ♡

kun LOVES cooking for you and making sure you're eating healthy

when he's away he loves to call you just to hear your voice

you have date nights where you kick the other members out and just cook a meal together

but he also loves taking you out to fancy restaurants and spending money on you because it's what you deserve bby

can listen to you talk about your day for hours

you always feel like you're talking too much but he reassures you you're not

you try to get him to talk about himself but he just encourages you to talk more

he always sends cute texts asking if you've ate/slept enough/doing okay etc

just cute lil check ups each day to remind you he cares

literally 95% of his social media is you/selfies with you

he has no problems sharing your awesomeness with the world

also always hyping you up on social media

if you post something he'll repost it on his story and say something like "my partner is hot and they know it"

posts stupid videos of you messing around

like a video of you poorly playing a recorder with the caption "look at y/n go"

and all his members comment on the post to hype you up too

♡ languages/"i love you" ♡

he prefers to talk to you in chinese (mandarin) or korean

but if your native/preferred language is something else he'd definitely try learn it for you

learns it so he can talk to your parents/family comfortably

and also so there's no miscommunication between you

actually learns super fast and you're really shook *insert pikachu meme*

you always tell kun you love him when me made stuff or did something nice for you

you meant it, of course, but you said it so often that it kinda became an inside joke between you

like if you held the door open for him he'd say in a high pitched voice "omg i love you so much y/n" and mimic what you said to him lol

but when you said "i love you" seriously he would instantly know it wasn't a joke and you were fr

he'd smile and pull your face into his chest for a massive hug

kun would be smiling into your hair and rubbing your back and he'd just say "i know"

before he says he loves you back and pulls you in for a kiss

omg ahskkwjwka this is so cute my heart is bursting

in conclusion stan kun and wayv sluts 😜

other members: ten | winwin | lucas | xiaojun | hendery | yangyang

© 0606-hyuck 2021. All Rights Reserved.

[lazy-cat-corner]

i’m sorry cause i feel like i’m dumping this shit on you but i just saw something in the s*lki tag and i’m just……..i don’t even know. Baffled? Horrified? Kinda amused at what some people have the nerve to say online? Some l0ki stans have literally built this moral armor around themselves to the point where they accuse real people of actual serious shit instead of just accepting that people have different opinions. They have this completely all or nothing view in which s*lki shipper=terf. And there is literally no way around it. Try to explain why you ship it? Terf. Block people who accuse you of being a terf? Even bigger terf. Enjoy the show and s*lvie as a character? Terf. The actress that plays s*lvie blocks people who are harassing her? Terf. And there is also this completely reasonable logic that “true” l0ki fans=good people victimized by everyone else. Bc obviously l0ki stans know that every time he ever did something bad was either thanos’ fault or not important bc th0r and od1n did worse so therefor disagreeing with them means you’re ableist and a abuser. There is nothing on canon that corroborates with their claims. Their accusations of transphobia have yet to be supported by the community it concerns. And trans and genderfluid folks who don’t agree are reactionaries who are knowingly or unknowingly endorsing terf rhetoric. Literally no win with them. I’m not in the star wars fandom but I suppose this is what was like with reylo? People are not happy just disagreeing so they have to come for the morality of anyone who enjoys the ship. They don’t even try and find actual bad people to waste their energy on. The thing is I know this stuff happens in many fandoms -the result of the rise of online activism and misappropriation of identity politics- but i’m pretty much only in the l0ki fandom so this is kinda blowing my mind. It’s a fascinating phenomenon tbh. There is this whole set of psychological patterns shared by this group of people that continuously feed off of each other until all self-criticism is lost. They become completely isolated from everyone else and don’t see how that could possibly result in a distorted worldview. Not to "psychoanalyze” them ofc. Bc how dare we say anything that could allude to the mental health of these people calling us every possible bad thing while believing to be mere victims. Maybe this is too harsh but oh well. Anyway, sorry for the rant lmao. Also, i’m censoring things cause i don’t want to attract these people to ur blog lmao

Hello Anon,

You are always welcome to come here and vent out your feelings. I deal with this sort of discourse EVERY DAY! Just yesterday someone told me the ship is a mental illness. They said it in a manner like it's a joke but put an unsettling feeling in my stomach knowing antis abuse serious terms and turn it into the punchline of a joke further enforcing the negative stigma on mental illness *gag*.

Anyway, this absolutely was a big thing that happened in the reylo era. One thing that keeps me motivated is knowing just like with reylo, these losers will find someone else to bother and get bored of the discourse. I also remember that these people are people I wouldn't want in my space in the first place.

I could go on and on about why these arguments are wrong but being that I am cis, I don't want to overstep any boundaries so I won't go into detail. But I will say that a person's opinion on someone's morality holds no weight when the accused in question is surrounded by people that know them for the kind and compassionate person they are. These people who want to label you based on something that holds no weight or value in actual trans issues are not what's important. Furthermore, their hatred and selective ignorance is harming the trans community more than any piece of fiction could. Many antis have been exposed to deliberately misgender and deadname shippers for the sake of their activism.

With all that said, they may think you're the worst person on this planet. They may rationalize in their heads that their abuse and harassment is on the grounds of some moral high ground, but that doesn't mean it's true. How you see yourself and the people around you that matter, that's what you should focus on as a person. Don't let a TV show tell you how good you are and how much you care for trans issues. Look at the people you surround yourself with, the resources and materials you use to educate and further open spaces to discuss real trans issues. Maybe there are local trans organizations that could use donations/volunteer work that you want to support. THAT! Those choices you make are what will matter in the end. Not what naxatshasbewbs6969 on twitter thinks of you.

(if anyone owns that url/handle please know this was chosen at random and not a personal criticism on you as a person. Ive never met them and mean no harm 😅)