#a bit introspective

[dalvs-wife]

things are hopeless, but at least i have you.

[omaano]

"I've grown these for you."

My first entry for the @rexobibingo - because what is a Gardener/Gardening about if not making leafy things grow out of love? (You can, of course, grow your leafy things out of spite too, I guess, that's always a very fair motivation if you ask me)

Keeping to good old habits from my previous bingo experience, please allow me to wholeheartedly and very passionately recommend @dharmaavocado's fic that has been on my mind throughout the whole time while I was working on this drawing We Who Love Our Hands in Dirt which was likely the first fic that has sold me on this ship, and Hanahaki as allergies will never stop being fascinating to me as a concept *w*

[wutheringskies]

Wei Wuxian: The Untamed Hero

Wei Wuxian had to be killed even if:

1. He carried his sword

2. He didn't use gui dao

3. He didn't create Yin HuFu

4. The Wen remnants were not in the plot

Then, why? The reason is here, voiced by Jin Zixun of all people:

Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

So, you see, this untamed heart can only meet with tragedy as the world is unrighteous, as those who are in power think their actions cannot be contested (and they often aren't!), and that their words are like the law. How many times have we seen, a convicted powerful person escape the justice system? Far too many. And how many times innocents or victims were framed for crimes? Also too many. People like Wei Wuxian aren't condemned by fate, but rather, being born into a world where the "heavens" are those who are powerful and corrupted, he very well might be destined to live tragically, along with others of his type.

Returning to the matter of this particular scene: on one hand, the Jins throw private banquets, gilded with gold. The major scandals are: Jin Zixun is forcing the Lans to drink alcohol! You see, Lan Xichen can't outrightly refuse, so he is trying to be polite about his rejection. Jin Guangyao is trying to reason and excuse, and distract. The crowd spurs Jin Zixun on, wanting to see the Lans drink for once and fall to their level.

Everyone is in their own fine little world, doing their niceities in their golden halls drinking expensive wine, admiring pretty women, gasping at scandalous behavior, asking for favour, gossiping etc.

And then Wei Wuxian walks in. Uninvited. He simply drinks the wine himself, before demanding these people to spare him their time for real wordly issues, such as deaths, debts, cruelty, the parts that society wishes to hide. A few scenes later, we are shown with much description, just how terrible Qiongqi Path is. That's the Jin's backyard. You see their achievements that are drawn on those big walls? We see the reality of the people making them.

Now, let us come to another incident. Think of the soup incident. I fully expect before Wei Wuxian came into the scene, people were simply gossiping, uninterested in finding out what was going on, why Lady Jiang is crying. Then, Wei Wuxian comes and realizes Jiang Yanli who never really cries... was crying, and firstly decides to beat the shit out of Jin Zixuan. Secondly, he understands the whole truth, beats Jin Zixuan up for humiliating his Shijie, and also makes the other girl face responsibility.

Although his shijie had an easy temper, except for how they cuddled and cried together the day the three of them reunited after Lotus Pier was destroyed, she hadn’t really shed many tears in front of others, much less cry so loudly, so pitifully in front of so many people. Wei WuXian was filled with panic. As he tried to ask her, Jiang YanLi was crying so badly that she couldn’t even speak properly. Then, when he saw Jin ZiXuan standing on the side, astonished, he fumed with anger, wondering to himself why it was the dog of a person again. With a kick, he pounced on Jin ZiXuan. The fight between the two would have alerted the Heavens. All of the cultivators around the base came to break up their fight. Amid the ruckus, he finally understood what was the cause of all this, and became even more angered. He spread his tough talk, saying that one day he’d definitely make Jin ZiXuan die in his hands, he told people to drag out the cultivator woman.

A round of questions later, the truth emerged, and Jin ZiXuan’s entire body was frozen. No matter how much Wei WuXian continued to curse at him, he returned neither words nor fists, his face dark. If not that Jiang YanLi held up her hand a while later, while Jiang Cheng and Jin GuangShan came to pull Wei WuXian away, it was likely that even now Jin ZiXuan wouldn’t be able to attend the hunt of Phoenix Mountain.

See.

The point is, perhaps, people feel Wei Wuxian's actions are unnecessary. But imagine if he wasn't there! The consequences as I predict them will have been:

1. Jiang Cheng who doesn't want to upset a prominent clan would've grumbled and cursed underneath his breath, but eventually just moved away from the ruckus and taken his sister away.

2. Perhaps the truth would never have been found out, unless Jin Zixuan later searched by himself.

3. Thus, Jiang Yanli's reputation would be stained for the years to come.

It's because Wei Wuxian dared that the truth was revealed. I took this small incidents simply to highlight this, without the addition of more factors. In the book, often, it might seem like people are trying to stop him from creating trouble. You might often wish, ugh, this is going to be so bad... The point is Wei Wuxian knows! He's not stupid, he knows of the consequences of his actions.

But he isn't the one creating trouble. It was already created by the likes of those very people who try to stop him from investigating deeper. The trouble in question is that immoral and unrighteous words and actions and decisions have already been made. Society tries to hide them. If you can't see it, it's not there. Yet, even if it is not visible, a crime has its traces and it will bleed into their world sooner or later.

Wei Wuxian forces people to snap out of their comfort zones. He doesn't care for the barriers they set around themselves. Here are some examples to explain what I mean by these barriers:

Who dares hit Jin Zixuan, who's the only heir of LanlingJin, even when he deserves it? Protected by his status, his birth, his clan who dares? Wei Wuxian does.

Who dares to annoy Lan Wangji, the second jade of Lan, who from birth is considered otherwordly, strict, immovable, rigid, untouchable and protected by his extreme cold aura? Wei Wuxian dares.

Who dares to enter cultivation society without even wielding sword, without even cultivating a core? Wei Wuxian!

Since time unknown, treasures have belonged to the powerful sects: The Lan Clan and their library, their many secret techniques. The Jin clan and their treasures, their gold. The Nie Sabres. The Zidian. Yet, a son of a servant somehow ends up possessing the most powerful treasure all by his own! Everyone goes to this popular refinery, some famed blacksmith, or that popular sect to get specially created spiritual weapons, yet Chenqing, one of the most powerful weapons, was forged alone by Wei Wuxian during his 3 months in the Burial Mound!

Since years, the cultivation world has taken to heart rules of Lans, words of the powerful sects, and their leaders! Then, once again, this orphan child comes and bends the world and changes the cultivation society forever! Yiling Laozu said that... Yiling Laozu created... Yiling Laozu's manuscripts...

His words literally become the law.

Think of how 13 years after Wei Wuxian's death when "all was peaceful" despite us knowing very well, just how much shit happened after his death - slaughter of minor clans, deaths of two prominent sect leaders, xue yang etc (because, you know, most of it was purely accidental, kept hush-hush, or the victims were people who weren't important), he comes back to life and in a matter of a couple of months, upends the cultivation society again.

The "problem" is that this guy simply doesn't conform. The problem is that he is better. The problem is that he is not unnecessarily humble about it, despite his origins. He doesn't seem to treat himself as an outlier, but an equal. (That's why I hate insecure Wei Wuxian, like this guy is righteous enough he won't even treat himself badly.) The problem is that all those barriers - social classes, power, the locked doors - they won't keep him away.

Even if he was only the Jiang Da-shixiong with a bright golden core, he will still not be a conformist. To those who aren't used to having their decisions questioned, he is their worst enemy. To whose who are used to talking in circles, spreading rumors, he is asking them. What source do you have? What is the factual evidence behind what you are saying? Why are you saying this now?

Think of how he cross questioned a petty seller selling Yiling Laozu portraits in Qinghe, and how he questioned the gathered cultivation sects in Lotus Pier during Sisi and Bicao's intervention with the same sort of attitude. Surely, there was a major class difference, power difference between the two. Yet, they don't matter to him. What matters is the truth.

So, no matter what, when the people who are in power, start having too much dirty laundry and corpses in their backyards, he will definitely know. For this guy, knowing isn't enough - he will get to the crux of the issue. The problem is, he even has the skill for it. He has the ability. One also can't distract him with offers, promises, gifts, riches, status, women. He doesn't care for any of that. He perhaps might even hate one's victims. Yet he will stand up for them.

Of course, those who are in power, all smile at each other. They understand things sometimes have to be done. People sometimes have to be silenced. "We know better."

Then, Wei Wuxian comes in and says, actually you don't. He comes in with factual accounts, evidences, forces you to face your misdeeds. Says you're all a bunch of hypocritical people. No, perhaps what is worse is that he will make you realize that's what you are! Because he's got to be good at talking, too! He's not going to act on anger or be stunned in fear.

So, now you have someone who's not only digging into your evil deeds, someone who's capable, who's not easy to persuade, but also someone with high emotional intelligence who can play the same role as you do, of being a noble, accepted gentlemen with immaculate manners, of very high literacy and outdo you. Because this guy knows very well how society works, he can comprehend social cues perhaps better than you can. He can use your own polite words and nature against you.

It's precisely because of this he must be killed. Perhaps, in every world, Wei Wuxian will end up being the victim. It's only that in MDZS, these were the particular circumstances, and those were the particular excuses.

My personal take is: sometimes it is good to be a centrist, and hold everyone's better intentions in mind. most of the times it might not be, as there are many conflicting systems in place that allow for true victims who are stuck. most often, the victims are always the ones who DON'T have a voice, who are brushed over as numbers of corpses, rather than people with stories. most often, kindness is shown in little action that are trampled upon by those who hold true power. most often the people who are good, who are heroes die young, or are hated and ridiculed, for speaking up for the victims. it's not right, and never will be.

if someone like wei wuxian or his presence in the book makes you uncomfortable it might be because you hold the "niceities" and the pleasantries to be of more importance than the issues at hand. just because something is too troublesome doesn't mean it is wrong. if everytime he enters the scene you're scared of what he's going to do next, you should know it's not him who is the problem but the prople who aren't doing anything who are. don't be scared of "trouble-makers." he's not erratic or spontaneous. he has considered society's standards and deemed it useless. why is that that the koi tower scene, where he is in his "yiling laozu, loss of control, threatening" moment is followed immediately by him being extremely kind to Wen qing ? it's not that he's losing control. it's that Jin Zixun wouldn't have acted and told him where the people were without him using intimidation tactics. Wei Wuxian is the one forced into bad corners by the powerful people, where he has to show his edges. Don't end up twisted the narratives. if you bite someone for a while, expect to be hit.

[misstrashchan]

In RWBY weapons are a part of a person, an extension of yourself, as Ruby puts it in V1. So, a weapon can say a lot about a person in how it appears and what it's used for.

Looking at Crescent Rose compared to our other main characters' weapons and it's immediately one that stands out from the size alone, it immediately draws our attention, it usually takes up the screen.

Like Ruby, it's striking, awe inspiring and larger than life. It's beautiful, resilient and strong, but evolves to be more adaptable during the Atlas Arc, when Ruby herself has to be more flexible and think outside the box, and her worldview is consistently challenged. It's also very easily the most intricate and complicated design, by her own admission:

"I guess I did go a little overboard in designing it..."

Which, while on the surface means it looks cool and flashy, it's also incredibly complex, just like Ruby.

And as we know from V9, a weapon like that would also be a heavy one to carry at all times too, and it weighs on her. Just like being "Ruby Rose" means to shoulder all the responsibilities and entanglements that come with being who she is, a huntress, a leader, a hero, a spark of hope and light who inspires others. In the end her resolve as a huntress and in who she is, and her purpose, is renewed and stronger than ever before, and wields her weapon once more with confidence.

That doesn't mean her burdens have gotten any lighter though, in fact upon returning to Vacuo, because of her message, all of humanity is now looking to her. No matter how strong, confident and resolved she is, that's a heavy weight for one person to carry alone.

Which brings me to Oscar's weapon, the Long Memory. Which is a cane, smaller, simple and straightforward, but has it's own hidden light stored inside. A cane is meant to take someone's weight by design, that's it's purpose. To be something that's leant on as a crutch when you're hurting to alleviate the pain by taking the pressure off yourself, so moving forward is made easier. Because everyone needs that support sometimes and it's okay to be weak, it doesn't make you lesser, it just makes you human. And it is incredibly human for us to care for and lean on one another for support. That vulnerability leads to our greatest strength as humans.

The one who carries the heaviest weapon vs The one who has a weapon that can be leant on to take pressure off yourself. Ruby who carries a heavy burden and Oscar being someone that can be leant on for support. ooooooohhhh the cymbal ism of it all.

[moshaeu]

an artist’s anger (wilting flowers and hair cut short)

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

I do think it’s quite interesting how GRRM’s ideals of a good king are confronted and challenged in Jon’s storyline.

Jon is undoubtedly a good person. And he has the capability to be a good king. But being a good person in the world of ASOIAF is not always rewarded. And being a good king is easier said than done.

“They say the king gives justice and protects the weak.” She started to climb off the rock, awkwardly, but the ice had made it slippery and her foot went out from under her. Jon caught her before she could fall, and helped her safely down. The woman knelt on the icy ground. “M’lord, I beg you—”

“Don’t beg me anything. Go back to your hall, you shouldn’t be here. We were commanded not to speak to Craster’s women.”

“You don’t have to speak with me, m’lord. Just take me with you, when you go, that’s all I ask.”

All she asks, he thought. As if that were nothing.

“I’ll … I’ll be your wife, if you like. My father, he’s got nineteen now, one less won’t hurt him none.”

(Jon III, ACOK)

The situation with Gilly at Craster’s Keep is a perfect example of how difficult it is to give the king’s justice in certain situations. Jon wants to help Gilly, he even feels guilty and horrible for choosing not to, but he cannot so easily offer his help because he is a man of the Night’s Watch.

What’s interesting about this conversation is that Gilly addresses and appeals to Jon as she would a king. She places herself as the weak party and Jon as the king who is expected to protect the weak. She kneels to him, as one kneels to a king, and addresses him as “M’lord”; ironic because Jon is just a bastard, who is now a member of the Night’s Watch. Much has been said about this exchange, and fandom often gives Jon a lot less empathy than he deserves. The truth is that he is in a very terrible situation, notwithstanding the character development that is to come regarding his perception of the wildlings.

But I’m looking back at GRRM’s quote about how being king gives one wealth and power and ability to do something, anything. This is something that Jon absolutely lacks in this situation. He may have been symbolically positioned as the rightful king by the narrative, but that doesn’t mean he has any actual power to enact change within the narrative itself. If Jon were nearly as callous about this whole situation as this fandom wants us to believe, he wouldn’t feel so guilty about refusing to help Gilly as he does later on. P.S: I also want to note that Sam is often lauded for being the one to help the girl, “unlike Jon”…except, Sam only does so when the chaos that follows the mutiny and Craster’s death gives Gilly the opportunity to flee. Sam understood that he had no power to help Gilly early in ACOK and that’s why he sent her to Jon. But he also overestimated just how much Jon would be able to do at that moment. Jon may have been the Lord Commander’s steward, but that didn’t give him the ability to go against Mormont (especially when the LC himself was turning a blind eye to Craster’s vices).

It’s then interesting how this situation of a young girl trying to flee a precarious situation is repeated later on in ADWD and this time, Jon manages to help her. Except the difference is that Jon is the Lord Commander now, not just the LC’s steward. What he couldn’t do for Gilly in ACOK, he can do for Alys even though that too places him in a tough situation.

“Why not the king? Karhold declared for Stannis.”

“My uncle declared for Stannis, in hopes it might provoke the Lannisters to take poor Harry’s head. Should my brother die, Karhold should pass to me, but my uncles want my birthright for their own. Once Cregan gets a child by me they won’t need me anymore. He’s buried two wives already.” She rubbed away a tear angrily, the way Arya might have done it. “Will you help me?”

“Marriages and inheritance are matters for the king, my lady. I will write to Stannis on your behalf, but—”

Alys Karstark laughed, but it was the laughter of despair. “Write, but do not look for a reply. Stannis will be dead before he gets your message. My uncle will see to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Arnolf is rushing to Winterfell, ’tis true, but only so he might put his dagger in your king’s back. He cast his lot with Roose Bolton long ago … for gold, the promise of a pardon, and poor Harry’s head. Lord Stannis is marching to a slaughter. So he cannot help me, and would not even if he could.” Alys knelt before him, clutching the black cloak. “You are my only hope, Lord Snow. In your father’s name, I beg you. Protect me.”

(Jon IX, ADWD)

We’re seeing a repeat of Gilly and Jon here. Alys is now the weak and helpless maid and Jon, who is still a brother of the Night’s Watch, is once again made to play the role of a king.

Obviously the narrative, as it was with Gilly’s situation in ACOK, is saying that Jon is the king because while Alys could’ve pinned her hopes on Stannis Baratheon (who is actually titled), she chose to flee north to Jon the bastard. And what’s interesting this time is that Jon actually helps Alys in whatever way he can. He uses his status as Lord Commander and his dealings with the Thenns to secure Alys’ marriage. He oversteps his bounds as Lord Commander, and the irony is that he starts to act more as a king would.

So it’s interesting to see how the character often marked as the true king by GRRM’s narrative handles the moral obligations that come with kingship. And GRRM is putting Jon through these tests when he doesn’t even have a crown of his own. GRRM often makes Jon prove his worth as a king despite thinking of himself only as a bastard. We see this best when Stannis comes to the Wall.

Surprisingly, Stannis smiled at that. “You’re bold enough to be a Stark. Yes, I should have come sooner. If not for my Hand, I might not have come at all. Lord Seaworth is a man of humble birth, but he reminded me of my duty, when all I could think of was my rights. I had the cart before the horse, Davos said. I was trying to win the throne to save the kingdom, when I should have been trying to save the kingdom to win the throne.” Stannis pointed north. “There is where I’ll find the foe that I was born to fight.”

(Jon XI, ASOS)

It is true that Jon and Stannis are in very different situations. Stannis is aware that he is the rightful king (as Robert’s heir), and he has also heard from Melisandre that he is the prophesied prince. Jon, on the other hand, is a bastard boy completely unaware of his royal birth or his magical destiny. Yet it’s so interesting that it’s Jon the bastard who was actually doing his duty as the king (without even knowing it) whereas Stannis had to be reminded of it. So despite his failings every now and then, Jon does live up to the author’s ideal of a great king.

[earthfluuke]

SandRay Kissing: An Introspection ONLY FRIENDS EP. 2 (2023)

[thunder-point]

phumpeem ep 9 drabble

Phum is sure about his feelings. No question about it, for what were Fang's echoing words if not a solidified conclusion to whatever he was going through these past weeks?

So Phum is sure about his feelings.

What he's not sure about is Peem. It's the situation they are in. That's where uncertainty lies.

Because he can go ahead and let out everything. On his side, it's a stable fixture that keeps on rising. Letting Peem know he's adorable, telling him what a precious thing his company is to Phum - everything comes out smoothly. The air in his lungs gives voice to it like nothing else. His chest expands, it grows bigger, it warms up. But what is on Peem's mind, Phum can never tell. And since coming to this camp, it's become more obvious. It's pressing down on his chest, and this is the suffocating part. Not his crush for Peem, not the slow evolution of their relationship, if there's any at all. But Peem.

He'd have every right to find Phum as irritating as he did initially. Hell, there are still some moments where it looks like he currently does. There's the boulder, there's the pressure.

Because what right does Phum have to feel anything akin to deserving? What right would his jealousy have to exist? He can't stand it. He can't. He can't feel entitled to such feelings entirely. It's all too easy to give when it comes to Peem, and yet, he can't make himself go all out, can't try to meddle too much.

Something is holding him back, shoving until only the churning of his stomach is palpable. He might know what, even if it's hard to admit it. He spots Kluen and his sweet eyes and Phum can only turn away, can only try to ease the twinge in his chest. It's not entirely foreign, this feeling. He's had in the past; helplessness comes in many forms. It aches all the more that he's felt it for Peem before, all because of his own stupid actions. And even if he somehow mended that whole situation, this one doesn't seem to give him any opportunity to act. Phum feels like he doesn't have a part in it, in a way. As if he's a mere spectator on the sidelines. And he loves to push, he loves to taunt. He loves every reaction that Peem would offer, because it's always been offered. Peem would be turned towards him, eyes as liquid as they can be impudent, pretty mouth pursed or grinning wryly. Words sharp, annoyed, indulgent. But here, he's not. He's looking elsewhere, his voice is muffled.

Phum feels like a mere shadow in those moments - the solid ground is slipping beneath his feet, his assurance is questioned, his presence doesn't feel required.

He hates it. Hates it. He's maddened by it. He can't stand it.

And truly, he wouldn't blame Peem for it. Couldn't. Can't. Peem has every right to feel good with anyone he wants. He has every right to not have a second thought about Phum besides, perhaps, some attraction and a binding deal. That may be the most unsettling thing, he thinks faintly, as he listens to Kluen admit that he might be hitting on Peem in the midst of all their friends. Nothing is truly assured between them.

Nothing but an agreement that's been tainted some in the past.

So he keeps quiet. He can't demand, he can't taunt. He can't do much besides a bit of pettiness that dissolves as soon as Peem scolds both him and Kluen.

He can't even muster words as Kleun straight up tells him, "I like Peem."

What is there to say? What can he say? He can't even make himself approach the slings, not with Peem's cheery voice, his laugh resounding in the open space. It doesn't feel safe, it doesn't feel necessary. So he turns away from it. With a wave of thoughts crashing down on him, and uncertainty pressing heavy on his limbs, he leaves somewhere it won't echo. And Phum thinks. Heavily so. Phum and Peem are just... They're just- "You like Peem, right?" Beer's face is softened by the shade of night, and his words don't twinge. Because Phum likes Peem. That's the most sure thing that quickens the beat of his heart. It's not a question.

But. But. It's there. That something. It's a dam. Phum likes Peem, yet he doesn't say anything. He sits quietly, hands tightening around each other as Beer goes on, tells Phum he's easy to read, that he's bothered, he's- "Actually," he begins lowly, eyes set on the stairs under them. "Peem and I have a deal."

It's easy to tell it from there, to explain the situation, even if the situation in itself is not. Because nothing of it is a question.

And of course, Beer is surprised, he's musing. And he's right, but he also isn't. Not really. Because Phum and Peem spent plenty of time together, and God they teased, they did so until the tingles in Phum's body became a requirement, a fond sensation. Until the tint of Peem's lips is the first thing his eyes linger on.

Because Phum likes, he wants, he's had, if only a bit. But does Peem? He may want, he may have had, but does he like? Phum doesn't know. So he tells his friend that, and it remains there. Even after Beer gives his quiet support, even after he's offered advice, Phum doesn't move, nor does his turmoil.

Then, Peem comes. His steps are slow, they're the calm that he always brings with him. Peem sits beside him, warm and gentle as always, and he's looking at Phum, gaze liquid; he's turned towards Phum, his words are crystal clear. He's here.

But is he, really?

"Is something wrong?"

No. No. Nothing. Nothing wrong. But Phum's heart doesn't quicken all that steady like it usually does when Peem decides to close distances between them. It's a loud drum, engulfing and stifling. His ears are ringing, just like they often do when disappointment is the only background buzz at home, when the hollow of his stomach scares off sleep. When arguing morphs into silence, and deafens him. He can't do it. He can't ask anything. He can't give in to Peem's gentle call of his name, the warmth of his hold as he circles Phum's wrist, asking to wait, talk to me.

He can't do it. Not again. Just- "I'm trying to sort out my feelings." Am I gonna lose you just like that? Is it always just that easy? Can I do anything? "Don't talk to me now."

Don't leave.

Even so, with that echoing until his heart learns to say it as well, Phum is the one to step away.

[happyk44]

Nico who is so painfully self-aware of who he is and how that affects how the world sees him. Like. You know, just all the Hades/Pluto kids are violently self-aware. They know the power that thrums at their fingertips, the gravedirt that sloughs through their veins, the shadows in their lungs. It's what makes them powerful, this unhidden knowledge. Their cousins step around their own powers, trying to find sense in their father's domains and they, meanwhile, already know, with or without outside help, because power sits in the body, sits in the soul - their domain, their control.

They know that people are scared for reasons beyond their control and it's upsetting, but fuck it, it's gonna happen, might as well move past it.

Someone says to him, "I know you think you're scary and hard to love" and he just cuts in with "No, I don't. I don't think I'm hard to love. I'm easy to love. People just choose not to. I'm not scary either, but people want to be scared of something and I'm an easy choice. Why do you think I'm hard to love? Why do you think I'm scary?"

[tuliptic]

How To Overcome Your Fears

Thank you to @bichou-angel​ for suggesting this PAC idea. Know that I love it a lot.

Piles go from left to right, up to down. Memos and notes used here are by me, everything is literally by me. And I do not consent my work being used by third parties in other websites as well.

Now. Breathe in with me, and then breathe out. Picked your pile? Let’s scroll down to see what are the messages for you.

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it.

Decks used: Linestrider Tarot Deck, Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Flower Petals Oracle Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1:

How to overcome your fears? By letting go of what no longer serves you and by embracing your inner child. See, you’re prolly the type of person who loves to take things up upon yourself because you don’t trust others, or you are not comfortable with letting others to do tasks that will affect you (something like group assignment isn’t your forte cuz you tend to do 90% of the scope). It’s not easy to let go, but you have to accept your own flaws as well as the flaws of others. After that, you’ll need to learn to reconstruct the thoughts in your head where flaws are failures. Cuz you see them as something that doesn’t align with you, but sometimes (or most of the time), others may see your method as authoritarian and whatever you do doesn’t align with them. Acceptance is difficult, but it’s necessary, and that’s one of your biggest challenges to overcome. Be here at the present with willing hands and heart.

You may have a lot of nurturing to do, starting with yourself. However, instead of the feminine energy of nurturing, there's more of a… Divine sense to it. Along with some judgement that you really couldn’t help. Lemme give an example. 

You came across this PAC. Though your heart tells you to believe it, your brain couldn’t help but to be critical and just tries to deny some random people on the internet telling you that these are your fears and how you can overcome them. Someone online who doesn’t know you personally? Telling you your fears? Overcoming it just by “embracing your inner child”? Hello?

Yeah this kind of divine sense and judgement is what I’m talking about. It is not easy to let go of what you’ve been taught, which is good. But sometimes, you’re called to listen to your heart, only then you’ll be able to obtain a different sense of mental clarity, something that will be able to help you in the near future.

That aside, going back to the nurturing part. You’re called to nurture your inner child and to try again the things you’ve used to enjoy. For example, if you’ve used to enjoy drawing and arts, try going back into it again. If you’ve used to playing a musical instrument or composing music, try going back into it again. If you’ve enjoyed doing algebra equations and all, try going back into it again. It never hurts to do things you’ve enjoyed. Reconnect with your inner child through fun and play, nurture them, help them, heal them. Your life has been filled with a lot of confrontations, so try soothing them a little with some fun.

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Pile 2:

Walking away from the past is what you need to do. There’s still so many fears in you because you’re still staying in the place that caused you the most hurt. You couldn’t control the things that have happened, so the better option towards it is to leave. But of course, to leave requires a lot of strength and courage, and it’s gonna be worse if you don't have proper financial assistance to leave. Either ways, you’ll find the courage and the opportunity to get out. There’s The Sun in this pile, but instead of seeing things will turn bright, I’m seeing it as a chance to get out. Toxic situations won’t turn nice cuz it’s already fermented and bad there for so freaking long. 

I’m also seeing fears of disappointing others in this pile? Which is why y’all tend to take up a lot of responsibilities and burn yourself out in the process. You have this innate uhh… Expression in you. It’s like deep inside you, you want to shine, you want the eyes of people to be on you. That’s why you took up a lot of tasks, even tasks that should be other people’s responsibility. You want to be liked. Thing is, you need to accept that your inner peace is more important than the visibility and fame you want to gain. Some people can have both, but are you one of them? If you’re not, you need to weigh which is more important, or you need to find a point of balance between these two. Sometimes, a quiet time for yourself, with yourself would be good for some introspection, where you welcome some comfort into your life, allow your guides to show up and send you any messages.

Treat yourself with care, give yourself the kindness that you'd want to receive. Letting go of self-criticism is your main task for now and know that your guides have been trying to send you so many powerful messages. Let yourself be free from your past. Know that your past doesn’t define you and you have a whole lot of abundance waiting for you in the future. It’s difficult to see it right now, it’s difficult to believe in it too. But know that it’s real. You’ve gone through so much, and it only makes sense when the Universe wants to reward you for all you’ve been through.

Take a deep breath, and let it all out. Do it a couple of times. Pat yourself on the shoulder for me. You’ve done well and you’ll continue to do your best of the day every single day. Expect a new you coming out bit by bit. Have some tea and welcome them.

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Pile 3:

To all who picked this pile, I feel you a lot, because this is the pile I’ve picked and if it sounds personal, it’s mainly because I prolly subconsciously wrote it for myself.

There’s a lack of balance here, lack of control in this pile. This pile fears not having things in their control and tends to flail around when things happen because. They are not used to going with the flow. There’s this saying in Chinese that goes 船到桥头自然直 , which means things will naturally resolve itself when it’s here. However, my dear pile 3 are probably over-thinkers who can’t accept things to flow on their own. With this, the fear will make you lose your foothold and you’ll feel a lot of disappointments and upsets and a bunch of other not so nice feelings. I wouldn’t call them negative feelings cuz they’re all here for a reason.

You’re also prolly the type who feels caught up in the past, thinking of what you’ve done or said and how you could have fixed the problem if you said a certain thing. Once again, this is peak overthinking energy. You’re called to let those thoughts go, as they’re holding only you back. They’re not disturbing others but you only. Let the past go as it is over, and let your true self, a more experienced you, to step forward. Life’s a constant learning process, so don’t hold yourself too hard, let yourself learn, allow yourself to learn. Once you’ve accepted the fact that we’re all learning, then maybe your fears can lessen a bit. Remember, tomorrow is always a day of new hope.

There’s a childhood card present and it can talk about reconnecting to your childhood, to your inner child. Your inner child is like a divine whisper in your heart and you’re called to listen to it. I saw the word mirror and I think there’s some mirroring of activities (your inner child is mirroring something you do, or you’re mimicking something your inner child is doing), or there may be some reflection going on. Your dreams may be significant as well so maybe pay certain attention to certain themes that have been going on.

You’re called to take action now. Whatever that you’ve been wanting to do, now is the best time. Remember that you’re the co-creator of your life and destiny. A bunch of messages may come, there may be a bunch of things to do. But ultimately, you’re the one who needs to select which message to listen to, which items you should act on. If something’s too much for you to handle and you’re starting to feel anxious, try asking help and working with someone else to get things done?

Once again, remember, you’re no longer the you from the past days. You’re a new you facing a new challenge. Be kind to yourself. You’re facing so many things and it’s alright to let yourself be swept away at times. Remember to get up at the end of things or whenever you wanna fight it. I have faith in you.

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Pile 4:

First of all, it’s time to evolve. Know that you may be an ugly duckling for now but it’s time for you to transform into the beautiful swan that you’re meant to be.

Next up. I’m not quite sure what the fears of this pile are, but I see that you tend to distract yourself with new projects so that instead of spending your time worrying about things, you can redirect the energy and focus on something new that you’ve wanted to do. You’re very conscious of your own fears and those who picked this pile have a clear and concise plan on how to manoeuvre around them, letting go of things that should be thrown aside. 

However, being aware of your fears doesn’t guarantee overcoming them. Sometimes you’re just moving away from it, ignoring it until one day it prolly gobbles you up. No fault in it cuz you’ll pick yourself up again and find ways to counter it during then. Still, have you thought of countering it when you’re feeling fine right now? Or you’re just confused and have no idea where to start? We’ll see what insights the cards have to offer you.

You’re called to stop taking up so many things and slowly let go of tasks that are burdening you, that are hurting you. There’s this Ten of Swords in reverse here, which tells me the pain they did is more damaging than wearing you down. You’ll need to utilise your thinking skills and let certain things and thoughts go. 

Another thing the cards are telling you is to make strong emotional connections with the important people in your life. It’s time for you to reconnect with your old friends and to maybe go for a cup of tea? Comfort of good company always helps in easing and healing past hurts that have been there. I have a feeling that these people are also here to help you to bring certain messages that you need to hear, bring forth certain changes so that you can transition into a new you.

There’s some strength in you that you need to unlock, so maybe it’s time for you to explore certain heritages of yours, and maybe you can get certain information or updates from there. You may even unlock a new skill from it, and it may even help you to be more at peace with yourself.

For some reason, reading also is significant. Pay attention to the words that appear around you and digest those messages. Maybe lyrics. Who knows, certain part of the lyrics may awaken something new in you, or allow you to cry out the tears that you’ve been holding in for so long that you never knew of. Letting them go only gives you space to focus on nicer things in life that can help you cope or deal with your fears.

Pile 4, your pile is one of the most difficult piles I’ve felt and I really hope all the best for you. I don’t know if my words are making sense right now cuz there’s clarity and confusion at the same time. Just drop me an ask or rb or comment if you have any questions and I’ll do my best to answer you.

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Thank you for reading until the end. Working on yourself, especially fears and past are not easy, and I’m proud of you that you’ve decided to work on yourself. Remember, it’s all baby steps.

[lendmyboyfriendahand]

More in the AU where Elrond and Elros are 16 years old rather than 6 when Sirion is sacked. Tag is "older kidnap fam fic" for previous installments

Elrond wakes up draped over the rump of a horse.

Not, to be clear, his own warhorse. His faithful stallion is being ridden by one of the few remaining warriors of the Gap, the great cavalry of the Noldor, who will be able to keep her seat regardless of what the horse tries.

Elrond isn't initially sure who is riding the horse that he's been set over like a sack of baggage. His arms are stretched out past his head, tied wrists dangling toward the ground, and his ankles are tied as well, tighter than the hobble that he had while walking. He can't see anything but horse flank.

Elrond wriggles around to try and get a better view, and someone notices.

"Lord Maedhros, it seems your guest is awake."

Maedhros pushes down the middle of Elrond's lower back to pin him more surely to the horse. "Lie still. If you fall off while riding in formation you're liable to get stepped on by the next horse, even if the rider wished to avoid you."

"I know how to ride properly."

"Yes, I saw that you were quite skilled when you killed my soldiers, which is why you're staying right there."

"Could I at least sit upright, even if I have to ride behind someone else like an infant?"

"Maybe tomorrow, if you give your word not to escape."

"I'm not stupid enough to try and bargain with you again, after you broke your word about setting us free from the cellar."

"I never said I'd set you free, I said I'd leave the city and wouldn't kill you. Sirion crumbled in the first assault, but I did no more damage after taking you and your brother into custody. If they're smart enough to repair the castle first, everyone should be able to keep warm this winter."

"And if they focus instead on burying their dead, or rebuilding their houses, or rescuing their kidnapped princes?"

"Who knows? But I'm not king of even the Noldor anymore, and the people of Sirion are not my responsibility."

"You would just let them die?" Elrond wanted to glare at the Feanorian, and nearly slipped backwards off the horse as he tried to sit up.

Maedhros caught Elrond deftly by the bound wrists and pulled him back into place. "Next time you do that, I'll let you fall"

"So you don't actually intend to even spare my life."

"I agreed to spare you, not to save you . None here will harm you, but I won't rescue you from consequences of childish stupidity, no more than I will rescue Sirion from winter. If you would rather bash your head open rather than remain my captive, I am not so cruel as to deny you that escape."

Elrond had nothing to say to that topic, as his first retort about more palatable escapes seemed likely just to enrage his captor, as did any question about cutting off hands. "Where's Elros? Was he at least left back in Sirion?" Elrond wanted his brother to be safe, and his people to have a leader with his mother drowned. But he, selfishly, also did to want to be alone with the kinslayers.

"He's here as well, don't worry. Nornmalo has him, and I trust him not to torture a prisoner, despite what it may sound like."

"The moans of pain might be a headache, he drank rather a lot of beer while we were trapped."

Maedhros laughed. "Well, a hungover child soldier. He will at least bother Nornmalo less with questions."

"Could I give him something to soothe the headache? I know a bit of healing."

"No. A headache won't kill him, and he'll get water when we stop same as you."

They stopped only once that day, to water the horses at a stream. Elros was pulled down from the saddle - feet first, luckily, though he still landed in a heap - and his hands untied. Maedhros tossed him a canteen, and said "if you need to piss, now's the best time. You won't get piss all over the horse or your clothes, and we're downstream of the rest of the company."

"My legs are still tied."

"The ropes low enough you should be able to unfasten your belt."

"Are you going to watch me the whole time?"

"Until I find another guard, yes."

Elrond drinks little enough water to avoid the issue, for the moment.

When it's time to ride again, Elrond puts up a fight about having his arms tied again. That just gets Maedhros pinning his face in the dirt while a soldier ties the rope.

Elrond is slung back on the horse like a parcel.

They stop again just before sunset to make camp.

Elrond's hands are untied again for dinner.

The food is simple, waybread and water, and Elrond wonders if he should mention that Men need to eat more than once a day.

Far more exciting than the food though is the figure dropped on the grass next to him, clutching his own canteen and waybread.

"Elros!"

"Elrond! By Ulmo, you're alright!"

"I am, just a bit bruised from the horse. You?"

"Here's something for your healer's notes: do not put people with hangovers upside down for hours. I must have thrown up a dozen times."

"That's terrible! Maybe we can ask-"

At that point the guard tells them to hurry up, they'll be taken to where they're sleeping in ten minutes regardless of how much dinner they've had. Elrond and Elros focus on eating.

They are not, apparently, going to be sleeping near each other. "Too much chance to plot."

The Feanorian soldiers have tents. Some of them share, some of them have their own. A few soldiers have tents obviously designed for two or three that they go into alone.

The horses stolen from Sirion are tied to a picket line. It's loped through the reins, but one person untying the end would let all the horses scatter.

The horses the Feanorians rode into town on are not tied at all. They are loyal old warhorses, and will not flee from orcs in the distance. If wolves do sneak past the guards into the camp, better for the horses to run, and come back at their masters' call when the danger is passed.

Elrond, by contrast, is tied to a tree trunk. His hands are tied in front of him rather than behind, and his legs are unbound. Maedhros's brother - and Elrond learned from a careless remark that their is only the one left - even tossed a blanket over Elrond's legs, to guard against the chill of the night air.

It is the most freedom of movement Elrond has had all day, but that's saying little.

He is stuck sitting up, feeling every root and rock underneath him, unable to reach his hands back to where the rope is tied behind the tree.

Elrond sleeps poorly, stirring at every noise, whether it's a guard on their rounds or an owl hooting its warning.

In the morning, Elrond is given a breakfast of water and waybread again.

Maedhros says "You know it would be suicidal to flee, alone in the wilderness, yes?" and lets Elrond ride behind him sitting up.

Elrond's hands are still bound, and a rope leads passed Maedhros to the saddle horn. If he fell off, he better hope he can keep pace with a cantering horse, or else be dragged on the ground.

Elrond stays on the horse. He figures out his balance well enough to turn, and sees Elros riding similarly.

Thing continue like this for over a week, until they reach Amon Ereb.

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

[hecatesbroom]

did I finally manage to write a brand new fic? I sure did!! with many, many thanks to the lovely @eeblouissant for inspiring me with these beautiful drawings of Blanche dipping Dorothy (and the incredibly sweet follow-up with Rose playing the piano, after our chat about this scene!!) I hope I managed to do it justice ;)

Summary

When Dorothy mentions she’s never been dipped before, Blanche and Rose decide to take matters in their own hands.

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Yashiro: He is a wish-granting ghost with a fickle afterlife

Yashiro: I don't know if he really loves me

Yashiro: He probably loves his knife more than me

Kou: Such a beautiful girl. How could he not love you?

Yashiro: Of course he could. That's what makes him so attractive

(inspired by a quote from chapter 9 of Can Xue's Love in the New Millennium)

[aesthetictarlos]

After all, you're my wonderwall

@bucktommyweek Prompt: Day Six: pride

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Summary:

“Evan, would you like us to go to the parade together? Really?” “Uh– yeah, if that's okay with you–” “Okay? It's more than okay,” Tommy interrupts him again. “There’s this rainbow balloon arch near the park and I– I always take a picture underneath it because it's really nice. This year, though, I won't be alone in that picture.” - or, the one where Tommy and Buck go to the pride parade together for the first time.

Notes: for #bucktommyweek

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth