#a core memory for me: in year 6 we had to do a presentation about any topic we wanted and I hate public speaking but

[sexy-sapphic-sorcerer]

in the same way that I wasn't born gay, I saw katie mcgrath in merlin when I was 9 and that made me gay - I wasn't born autistic, I saw david tennant in doctor who when I was 10 and that made me autistic

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

Drop the Miku Binder TJ rant bestie

okay so like

i was just thinking about it, and, like, i think it's fucking nuts but also really weird how the hamilton fandom (which i'm in but i swear i'm not an uwu lams turtles shipper please) somehow took this CRUSTY, TERF-BANGED, UGLY, OLD, REDHEADED, RAPIST ASS MOTHERFUCKER,

and turned his ugly ass into this.

like damn what the hell- what- how???? okay like yeah, they're using daveed diggs as a base for this bullshit, which, okay, fine, but YOU DID NOT NEED TO ADD THE INFO. The idea itself is funny but also a bit weird, however im 99% sure Diggs himself wore that shirt. However, all of the extra info??? come on. Where'd the fandom get this istg y'all-

Also, also, they did something similar by making John Laurens (gay blonde dumbass) into an UWU turtles boy. ....why. Bi trash coffee gremlin tumblr over-worked sleep-deprived alexander hamilton. like yeah relatable but. why. small bean big sweater uwu innocent boy blushy short james madison. ...why. bro was stubborn and would pick a fight and was the 'fuck you' type of shy.

I just find it wild the fandom made this and it is the entirety of the fandom into one. There's the good sides, there's the bad, and there's this. Which encompasses the ENTIRE. FUCKING. FANDOM.

The fandom has its headcanons, it has its perks, but then you reach the side where everyone is just a wild fucking original character. They don't model the historical figures anymore- they're just OCs with the name 'Philip Hamilton' or 'John Laurens' or god forbid our third U.S president 'Thomas Jefferson' slapped onto it.

I'm also so confused as to how this is what the fandom is known for. We have some good fics, we have hella good art, we have a M U S I C A L , and then the first thought people have of the Ham fandom is Miku Binder Third President Founding Fucker Slaveowner Thomas Jefferson.

I also find it kind of offensive (almost put insluting oh my ufckjg-) that they made a founder become this but like he'd probably be really pissed so please keep fucking up his memory lmao he deserves it

But like... also why. What made them think of this.

Like yeah I write 20k word TR smut but you don't see me drawing it.

You don't see me making him an UWU e-boy.

...Eh I probably would for shits and giggles tbh

But like this is founding father Thomas Jefferson. Third Pres. Second VP. First Sec. of State. And he is a furry, ex-cocaine addict. Also btw do they mean John Laurens or John Adams as the former drug dealer part because neither are better but it'd really help

Also bro literally raped his 14 year old slave and had like 6 kids with her. He had her room DIRECTLY NEXT TO HIS. He RAPED HIS DEAD WIFE'S HALF-SISTER. AND HE'S A SAD UWU MAN WHO DID NOTHING WRONG?

Let's not forget this same person made a post saying Lizzie (the Queen) would be reincarnated as a horse when she died. I'm serious. Deadass.

However, it's also funny as fuck because this entire thing is a tarnish to Jefferson and I fucking HATE that bastard so like good job lol

At the same time though it's still super weird??? But insane??? Because how did this become one of the Tumblr exclusives??? like it's Tumblr history at this point. Twitter history. You cannot express any like for the Hamilton musical before you get the 'have you seen miku binder thomas jefferson' and it's like 'well shit'.

But also remember: THIS IS NOT AN OC TO FUCK AROUND WITH. Hamilton the Musical specifically gave you and presented you the founder. Thomas Jefferson. Played by Daveed Diggs. Just because it is played by a POC, but also modernized, and vastly different from the actual founder and President, does not mean that at its core it is NOT STILL THE SAME PERSON.

If you name it Thomas Jefferson, if you use the presentation of him given by Daveed Diggs, you are still using that white fucking slave-owning racist motherfucker, and that's the point of it all.

I find it stupid but funny but also insane, and I wouldn't care, unless I KNEW IT WAS SERIOUS. The artist made it seriously. They made John Laurens. They made Philip Hamilton. They did this seriously.

but like also look at this lmao

This meme of Thomas Jefferson in a Hatsune Miku binder really got trending on Twitter at one point

It's an infamous, hellish, classic meme of both Tumblr and the Hamilton fandom, and it deserves what attention it's got, but Jesus please never unironically make shit like this again, Hamilfans, we're stained by this we don't need another😭🔫

EDIT:

i have more

So like, I just remembered: it kinda romanticizes these guys??? The musical??? so like don't get me wrong i love the music but... it puts them into this light. This pink light. It paints Hamilton as an abolitionist who was outspoken about it. When, in reality, dude traded and sold slaves for his in-laws + wasn't all that outspoken about it + was against immigrants or migrants, WHEN DUDE WAS FROM THE ISLANDS. HE HAD SCOTTISH BLOOD. AND HE'S AGAINST IT? Hypocrisy at its finest.

Washington also owned slaves and ran his own plantation too, so he's not off the hook. Madison, the 'uwu small bean' of the fandom, also owned slaves and ran a plantation. So the main people of this entire fiasco are slave-owners. Perfect. But also I've heard Ron Chernow's book on Hamilton, the entire start of the musical, is a bit biased to Ham himself, so...

You could be saying 'but FDRsduckfloaty, Sally is mentioned!' yes. But however, not enough. Not more. It's not even implied more than potentially ONCE what he did, and I'm not sure it ever was! Cabinet battle 3 states it flat-out but it was cut. For your info, Ben Franklin and John Adams are the only two you can really like in the slavery aspect. Ben bought them but let them go for their freedom, and John detested slavery and was against it. Never owned one.

Jefferson did add a slavery clause to the declaration but it was discarded, and he didn't fight half as much as he could have. Maybe he did and since it was the 1700s he didn't have a lot of support, but surely he could've done something like, I don't know, call it out after his terms? Once you're done gaining your second term and out of office, they can't do shit to it or your presidency, since it's over.

So the musical itself has its own problem and the fandom is even worse. It blatantly disregards that a LOT. A hella lot of the amrev fandom + a small part of the ham fandom has called TJeffs out for it but I mean can we please not make shit like Miku Binder Jefferson and act like he wasn't an actual child rapist???

This video does pretty well at it. I will admit the tagline 'America then, told by America now' almost sends shivers down my spine for what it really means. But then again I find men not knowing they'd make it down into the history books for starting the world's global power and the world's economic powerhouse pretty interesting. Doing something big and knowing it's historical, but not that it's going to form a very, VERY large country, where you'll be honored down the road and called a Founding Father of an entire nation? Signing papers and not knowing they're the founding stones of a country and still looked up to today? Intriguing.

But like still fuck Thomas Jefferson lmao

there's a lot more videos on it that dig deep, but the point is, that Hamilton is a good musical with good songs but it's also very... complex, and a bit problematic, Thomas Jefferson is a little bitch, and you should stan 1776 before you ever stan Hamilton. 1776 does not do this. It is much more realistic. 1776 has Benjamin Franklin and that's an immediate win. Be more like a 1776, be less like a Hamilton.

[sync24]

re: steven moffat i really think that that hbomberguy video about sherlock did incredible damage

That seems extremely likely to me, yes.

His writing during (sections of) Sherlock as well as season 5, 6, 7 of Doctor Who had sexist moments, no-one would or should deny this. But particularly hbomberguy's video on the final Christmas Special (Twice Upon A Time), I feel, showcases that hbomberguy's criticisms of Moffat's final run of Doctor Who are "making up a guy to be mad at" or more specifically "making up three seasons he didn't watch".

This video made me lose my marbles so this is about to get long. Strap in if you'd like.

Most of the criticism of TWUAT itself is... acceptable. The things he says about season 8, 9 and 10, I cannot make sense of whatsoever.

Story arcs are presented as overambitious terrorism: > How dare authoritarian Steven Moffat eat away at half a page of dialogue from the writers he hired to introduce a 'villain' over time? > Why are we questioning the Doctor's morality, referring to "am I a good man"? > As a result of Moffat having particular arcs in mind, the Doctor's relationship with Clara could not develop and they couldn't change as people, "at best Clara sometimes realizes the Doctor's not always the best guy and they just get back together again".

My eyes are rolling out of my skull. What a bizarre suggestion, that a season should have no arc if it sacrifices a minute of screentime; that the Doctor's morality and goodness is not worth interrogating; that the core narrative of season 8 and 9 is not Clara and the Doctor's relationship and how they change as people, for better and worse. The season 9 finale includes the Doctor saying, we always come back to each other to the point of destroying the universe, this has to stop (through self-induced memory loss) or we'll be the end of the universe -- that they "just get back together again" regardless of what happens is not a good thing, but that is the point. He literally becomes a teacher in season 10, for fuck's sake.

We should have had an entire season about the Doctor becoming a teacher! Season wasted!

Just starting with the Doctor teaching is a silly complaint, it doesn't matter because Moffat has him start here so we can meet Bill because that's the point of that first episode and the center of this season. We don't hang out with just the Doctor (almost) ever. We hang out with him when he has a companion and we tell their story because the Doctor is 2000+ years old and we don't have the time to cover everything else. The companions are the point. They are what delineate seasons.

[as a part of his regeneration] the Doctor says goodbye to Clara, who he forgot because of time bullshit.

Doctor Who is all time bullshit? And again, the fact that someone had to forget someone to put an end to the intensity, toxicity and potential universe-ending nature of Twelve and Clara's relationship, is what season 9 spends nearly every episode addressing. Which is, what might happen if they were to lose each other -- but I guess he hates story arcs, so there's some consistency to this argument.

Season 10 is poorly paced.

No? This one is especially hard to disprove in a paragraph or so, but it's not like hbomb provides any real evidence here. It's not any worse than RTD era pacing, though Moffat and RTD have different flaws. It's much better than Chibnall and RTD2 (so far, anyway).

Capaldi's farewell speech suckz

No. "Never be cruel, never be cowardly. And never ever eat pears! Remember – hate is always foolish…and love, is always wise [...] Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind. [...] Doctor – I let you go."

Onto TWUAT. Might as well.

Steven Moffat is trying to give himself an epic sendoff like RTD but he doesn't have enough iconic characters to do this with

Then why would this episode have the the First Doctor (William Hartnell from SHEIN) in it?? Why not bring back literally any other characters we've met over the course of it all? The theme isn't random NPCs Moffat wants in his sendoff, it's reminding the Doctor of the good things he's done and the need to keep going, to keep helping, to move on. As in the final episodes of S10: Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit, without hope, without witness, without reward. If anything 'Rusty the Dalek' is there as a nod to the consistent question as to whether or not Twelve is a good man or not. The answer is, I don't know, but you try, and I think that's probably the point (thank you, Clara).

Speaking of Rusty,

Into The Dalek is actually a metaphor for Moffat taking over the show by messing with Rusty T. Davies' work!

Absolute crackpot theory. Like, this is how I knew he had actually gone off the deep end and was experiencing QAnon-style mania about Moffat's writing. Beyond the fact that it's genuinely absurd -- First, season 8 is approximately 3 years after Moffat took over the show. Why then? Second, Into the Dalek's concept was originally for one of those Matt Smith era games they made, so it is not his own metaphor. Third, if that comparison is true, it is an extremely self-deprecating one, and I don't buy that Moffat would be like thanks to me the show went from being good to technically being on the right side of history but actually still being bad. Fourth, if Rusty the name itself is a reference, writers do that all the time. They're literally showrunner pals. They email. It's not that strange.

Steven Moffat is not allowed to write sexist characters (SHEIN William Hartnell) to parody the sexist beginnings of Doctor Who.... because he once wrote sexistly

....................................................................................................................................................................... Don't ever improve and don't ever mention or shed light on an -ism if you've ever once partaken in it. That's an argument, I guess.

He even mentions that Moffat wrote the Doctor regenerating into a woman as a joke once. Buddy, I've got news for you: Clara, River and Missy (the Master) are characters that are, at several points and in several ways, functionally the Doctor. The groundwork for Twelve turning into a female Doctor (Thirteen) is laid with the introduction of the Master having regenerated into a woman; Moffat jokes that "if the Doctor was a young woman living in London, he'd be a bit like her"; again the two-season arc of 8-and-9 is that Clara and the Doctor become each other, codependent, begin to mirror each other, to the point that it leaves them more vulnerable than ever. River, of course, being a timetraveller herself.

Like, I'm so sorry, but we can't keep holding people accountable for things that are simply no longer relevant in their writing.

[paulasosafilm]

Week 6

THE PITCH

This way my director's statement:

Teenager girls are a collective that is constantly made fun of and belittled, causing young girls to grow up believing that being a girl is something to be ashamed of. With Lola’s Room, I want to move away from that perspective and portray teenage girlhood through a lens of acceptance and understanding, recognising that the things you care about as a teenager are essential to build your identity and shape your personality. Anyone who has ever been a 16 year old girl can relate to Lola and Jasmine, because the fear of not looking good enough is a rite of passage for women. The film takes place fully in Lola’s bedroom. As a teenage girl, your bedroom is your whole world, it is the one space where girls feel safe enough to express themselves freely. The same applies for Lola; her room is a reflection of her identity and interests. The themes of insecurity, self- awareness, and conformity that are explored in the film are heightened by the space where it is set, a space where only Lola and Jasmine exist and the fear of not looking good enough is fought back by the safety of a space for exploration free of judgement and expectations. Lola’s Room could not take place anywhere else other than in Lola’s room, because such intimate and vulnerable interactions between Lola and Jasmine would not happen anywhere other than a girl’s bedroom.

This is a coming of age story with its ups and downs, culminating in the realisation that it’s okay to feel comfortable being yourself and embrace your personality and identity. The tone of the film is of fun, excitement, and anticipation, with an aura of nostalgia and magic. The spell sequences will be integrated into the film with a shift in the style of the cinematography and sound design, turning surreal and dreamy, and playing with discontinuity in the edit. Lola’s Room is a film that feels like looking back at memories of teenage years and hours spent with friends, keeping girlhood and femininity at the core of its story. My intention with Lola’s Room is that it sheds a light on the reality of being a teenage girl and the importance of female friendship, but also to give viewers a glimpse into the fun and excitement of being a teenage girl.

Pitch feedback

Kate:

We spent too much time going over the stylistic elements of the film and should have touched more on the witchcraft element and the general conflict

The actresses look older than 16

Good use of references, but we should have made it clearer how our film is innovating

Good presentation and design overall

Andrew:

Unsure about the character’s attitude towards the witchcraft elements: me and Gaby explained how the spells reflect the girls’ attitude towards the dance and how Jasmine is at first skeptical and then insistent about doing the spells because she really wants to go to the dance, but in the case of Lola it is the other way round

I was overall very happy with the feedback that we got for our pitch. We were clear enough about how we were incorporating the brief (sense of place) into Lola's Room and it did not cause any concerns, and we were able to answer questions confidently. We will make sure to keep the feedback in mind as we continue to develop the film and move onto production.

Meeting with Gaby

This week Gaby and I had another meeting to discuss the script once again. After a tutorial with Kate and Caio, there were some considerable changes made to the script, so the aim of this meeting was to decide what changes we wanted to keep and what elements we wanted to bring back from previous drafts. The lecturers' feedback helped Gaby greatly to increase the stakes in the story and justify the characters' motivations. However, some of the essence of the story was lost along the way, and some of the characters' interactions did not feel natural. We worked together to bring back the character's personalities and their friendship dynamic back to the story while respecting the elements that were improved with the new feedback.

[fasa-umich]

Nicole Manalac || FASA's 2023-2024 Secretary

“You’re Filipino, I’m Filipino, let's be friends.” 

Those were my thoughts as I approached FASA’s table in Festifal. There I met my future ate, Ashley, who then invited me to the Buwan ng Wika Picnic. Later this week, I attended an athletics event, where my future kuya, Colin, would be sitting behind me. And on the way to the Picnic from Bursley, my future ate, Krystelle sat across from me.

Crazy how life works.

I can’t thank FASA enough for the unforgettable memories and the close knit community that it has given me. From being part of the best lineage ever, to having an amazing intern class, and working with such a driven board, it has been a great 2 years. 

Highlights: 

Meeting my fellow 4th floor Burlodger Angelica at the Picnic and realizing we were right down the hall from each other

Taking a photo in front of Angelica’s door every morning at 6 am as I went to practice

Falling into a lake and showing up at Amanda’s house right before a football game

Having Amanda and Christian be my “Parents” for a day as they watched my rowing meet

Dressing up as Vector and meeting Alexa who coincidentally dressed up as a minion

Going absolutely insane while cooking for the intern project

Presentation night with Darago at NYPD 

Using the same Vector costume to then dress up as the Lorax (what will I be next year?)

So anywhoosies, let's talk about being Secretary. 

When I first became Secretary, I honestly was not as confident as I should have been, but as I talked to more people like Justine, Prezzies, Core 4, and board, I started taking more initiative and being less worried about things. Deciding that it was easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission also really helped me, but I wouldn’t really recommend that strat for everyone. 

Being Secretary had its ups, like finally getting a big room for an event, ordering merch, or being able to organize everything using spreadsheets. But it also had its downs, like scrambling for a room because everything on that day was booked, waking up and booking mason hall classrooms to try to beat the other clubs from getting to them, or not being able to even get rooms at all. But if you asked me, I’d do it again - oh wait I am…  😼

So for the next next Secretary, here are my notes to you:

OMG Congrats! The role may be intimidating at first, but know that if you were elected, it is because people believe in you and want to succeed. Take initiative, and take risks. 

Frontload all the room bookings - it takes so much stress off your mind when you know that the room bookings are done, invest now so that you don’t have to sacrifice later (I myself could have done a better job of this)

Inventory… don’t forget about it. 

Have a plan A, B, and C

Spreadsheets - Use them, they’re amazing

Be vocal - if someone looks like they have something on their mind, they probably do and ask them to share. 

I (as well as all of board) will always be here if you need it. 

There’s honestly so much that I can say about Secretary, like how it developed my ability to anticipate needs and problem solve, how it was the perfect outlet to develop my administrative and excel skills, or simply just gave me a great group of friends to yap with. I’m keeping it short, sweet, and simple here because at the end of the day, maybe the real testimonial was the friends we made along the way. 

[keefwho]

January 04 - 2024 Thursday

11:07pm

6/10

This morning I showered immediately because mom was going to take me to Seeley. For breakfast I had a little leftover potato soup with a couple pieces of toast and a babybel cheese. We left 30 minutes later than I wanted to because breakfast took longer than I thought.

The first place we went was the grocery store. I grabbed 2 potatoes, a carrot, a celery stick, and really good looking egg noodles. Also picked up drinks for the weekend. The guy at the register didn't card me. After that we went to the high school so mom could drop something off. I've been wanting to see the inside of the school again and I finally got to 10 years later. It was a strange experience, I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there or like I loaded a 100% completed save file. I was flooded with memories of things that happened in the few halls we went down and the few rooms I saw into. Very nostalgic. Then we went to the post office so I could mail Daisy's Christmas presents. I crumbled a little and asked mom if she could go in with me but she said no which was a good thing. I went in on my own and it went okay. It was a little awkward because I was standing at the wrong card machine but other than that, it went fine. Our last stop was the weed store where mom picked up a new disposable vape pen for me. I can't enter the store myself because my ID is expired.

When I got home I started work and was warming up with space art. Daisy called me for something so I stopped streaming to spend time with her but started again when we were done. I finished 2 space art warmups and worked on 570's commission for a little over an hour. I ended early because of my busy morning but I did as much as I needed to. Right after that I hung up Daisy's friendiversary gift over my bed and relocated my Master Sword a little to the left. Both nails were being finicky and got bent but I made them work.

Lunch was a big turkey sandwich with some Doritos. Breakfast was small calorie-wise and I could feel it. I was also weighing less from yesterday so lunch was very big and hardy. While I ate I watched Bojack as usual. After lunch I did today's request which was a little hard and annoying but I did it. Then I spent an hour working on a Zelda pic while hanging out in David's server. I actually wanted to socialize so I wasn't so annoyed being there this time.

After work I did my yoga which has made my core sore. Not long after that Daisy was free so we called and were productive together. She worked on her fursuit and I worked on a couple worlds. When I was done I started playing Kerbal finally since thats all I wanted to do today. We watched another Chris Chan reading and some more of My Immortal. Daisy headed upstairs so I booted up Neopets. We talked a lot tonight about work stress, change, and the sexual atmosphere of the furry fandom. In Neopets I got bugged and had to reload and re-fight the entire coloseum. I was able to squeeze in one more rocket launch in KSP after she fell asleep. I also had to address some urges for the second time today even though it was too late for it.

Today went well. I didn't feel like going to Seeley and interacting with people but I got over it and had fun outside. I felt a little bad about not doing my full commission time but realistically I was okay not doing it all. I had some thoughts today about change and how scary it is whether it's good or bad. I'm looking forward to partying tomorrow. In general I feel good about some things and worried about others.

[abyssalpriest]

Conversations with Leviathan #6, Despair 20230629

Recently Leviathan and I have been talking about the traumatic years of my life I barely remember, the ones that seem to have more and more appearances from him in them when I finally remember bits and pieces from them. He had something to say about it.

I sat beside you and watched you play Bloodbxrne. I think at some stage this is what you wanted from me. When you heard online the first instance of the name I use around you, you clung to the idea of myself being tied to sadness, a swallowing and swallowed beast sinking in an ocean that it both grasped and drowned in. "Despair": your label for a specific energy that we resonate with and that drags us together into drowning. Despair. Mechanical and droning. Unforgiving. Obscuring. It's a specific type of energy that can be called on like a black beast of a hoard of bodies, directed, whipped up into a slow-moving frenzy. It is oceanic by nature. Funny how that works.

Leviathan said:

I remember your old house, of course. A memory: The lights are off. You're stuck inside this melting room, the light of the screen in front of you is bright but nothing else is lit up. Your eyes in the way of soul-windows, literal eyes yes but reading them as we spirits do, are sunken and absent and I cannot actually see your irises let alone pupils beyond the sense of a sick ocean olive green. I'm standing by your window here and you don't notice, people rarely do. This place is a corpse. The walls feel simultaneously like they're being eaten away by something and untouched, soulless. Peeling paint. This place is a cage.

Sat and watched. Sometimes I moved your hands, followed your character around in circles. All the while our minds melded together in the ocean of Despair. The black lights, the white absence. The silence and sorrow of a family always gone to bed because even in the day they just were never there, you up all hours shunning the Sun because it gave others the ability to see you. I was more present in these moments than you thought because for once, the first time in your life, you let yourself give way to something else in an uncontrolled fashion and sometimes then I flowed where you ebbed, for the first time in your life you were on your own path and it strayed so close to mine. Similar friends, similar energies, similar to-be enemies.

It droned on and on, this silence and beating lights. You would always have headphones on and so the sound never carried to where I was. I watched these strange shapes on the screen formed together only when I entered your mind and yet it was hard to watch - and simultaneously so, so easy - because you saw it so real. It was like entering a dream. To dip away from the draining excess of royalty to someone I knew well, his life here on this concrete plane, and see him and who he had become this time... See him being eaten away in a room also being eaten away in a depth of an ocean he tried to call home...

You don't even know that you would reach for me. Your core energy, when surrounded by your aura energy that aligned with things similar to me, things that your unawoken and unaware consciousness would start to rise to, sparks of familiarity and rememberence of reality while in a deep dream, it would reach its tendrils outwards to me slowly... You would seep out of yourself as is natural but gravitate so slowly towards me, some nights in the way of... Well, I have seen creatures with blood having been killed through head wounds many times. The way a slumped over body rid of its consciousness leaks blood into the cracks of tile flooring, it was like that, autonomous creeping. You weren't there. Hard to watch, always. But the way you call upon me influences the ways through which I respond to you as with all conscious beings, and through those outreaching tendrils we would meet. My eyes blurred with yours. I crept back up through you. It was a toxic thing, neither of us aware enough in the coccoon of Despair's energy and the oppression of an uncaring Ocean to understand that where we met, it was like this. It's hard to explain, human's aren't really aware of the ways their bodies move without their input and so it becomes difficult to extrapolate that into talk about how energy and consciousness does it. Either way... We met in good places too at other times, I like to think my conscious insistence on interacting with you through our shared home of the Sky helped push you to where you need to be today in your rebirthing, but when you reached for the Ocean part of my energy that you intrinsically know how to connect with and summon by right of your soul's relationship to me... Those nights of flashing lights and liquid devastation droning into our minds were a mutual thing. Awful. Or they would be awful if they weren't entirely numb.

The child - child to me, ancient being to you - you dated at the time was a tricky thing, more than adept at winding Oceanic energies to do his bidding. I'll make sure I say this to you explicitly in private because I need you to know, but your mind isn't fully open to the idea of my possible misspeaking being recorded if I try to be exact, so let me tell you in symbolism: That which I am connected to extends out of me. The child knew how to move my extensions like a little prince playing in a king's heavy and long cape. There comes a point where the king could feel it happening if he paid attention to the fabric tugs but a cape is not an appendage, moving it is not the same as lifting your arm away. Like a maypole, around your consciousness the Ocean sank. Around and around my cape wound around you. In these moments and spaces we were unaware of each other outside of the dreaming tendrils: we had a dawning awareness don't get me wrong, but we were, like mirrors of mercury, set to face each other and flow with the Moon, the round-about dancing of the little prince who has so much more energy to chase circles around his father than the king has to catch him. It doesn't matter how powerful a king is with words and politics... Round and round, a Moon forever recreating itself in stolen light, forever pulling tides that never belonged to him. Tides that write their words in blood.

There's so much silence in these memories; I want to say the static on the TV made into noise but no, it's the quiet sound from your headphones. Blurred. This room is falling apart. Oh, that's what this damage reminds me of with its oddly peeling paint that bubbles in places: it's water damaged walls. This place, this house you died in, was a battleground between Ocean and Sky within which you were entangled by the maypole dancers. What a shame.

When you approach and invoke a spirit in an unthinking, dissociative form, and they answer as a magnetic mirror to you, strange things happen. Calling to someone as a vessel and beacon for Despair is only harmless insofar as that someone rejects connecting to you with it, so what's the point.

What's that? "But we ended up where we needed to."? Such a bright attitude. I want to burn down your old house, literally not figuratively. I'd like to go there and watch it turn to ashes with the whole neighbourhood, wouldn't that be fun. I want it gone.

[prettyboykatsuki]

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

__

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,”  he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

__

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning  on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart  in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

__

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You  cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.

[glassesandswords]

My Levihan Fics Masterlist

I wanted to do a masterlist for my fics once I finished ten works, so here we are!😃

Some of the stories are collabs with artists, some have arts, and some are inspired by arts, so I will be linking them all with the fics too.  

1. Our True Paradise  (Afterlife AU, fluff and angst)  [one-shot]

Summary:  Levi and Hange reunite in the afterlife and they finally confront a lifetime's worth of unsaid (but very present) feelings between them.

(Jill’s art here and Giulia’s art here)

2. Ease Our Burden (fluff and humor, veterans-centric, drunken shenanigans)  [one-shot]

Summary:  Late at night, the Survey Corps veterans head to a bar after wrapping up their year-end paperwork. What happens after a few glasses of alcohol is just plain chaos.

(Giulia’s art here)

3. A Toast to the Wings of Freedom! (Actors’ AU, fluff and humor)  [one-shot]

Summary: The shooting of the events in Chapter 132 has just wrapped up, and everyone in the cast decides to collectively pour some love for Hange on her birthday. A sassy photoshoot and some surprising reveals ensures.

(Moon’s art here)

4. Of Wings and Wheelchairs (Post-war Levi, canon-compliant, light angst)  [one-shot]

Summary:  Levi and Onyankopon sit in a coffee shop, waiting for Gabi and Falco to return from their small detour during their vacation together. Levi reminisces about the old Survey Corps veterans and their times together as Onyankopon listens. Soon, the conversation makes its way to a person the two knew very well- Hange.

5. Through hell, we reached heaven (Canon-divergent, post-war Levihan, fluff and humor, light angst)  [3 chapters]

Summary: It has been three years since the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Levi and Hange, who now live together in New Liberio, decide to take a small trip through the city along with Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco. It's the little moments that make them realize how lucky they are to be alive together.

(Ren’s art here) (Giulia’s art here and here)

6. Horizon of Hope- Levi and Hange’s day in Marley (Vacation fluff, basically Levihan in chapter 123)  [3 chapters]

Summary: From the very first glimpse of Marley in the horizon, both the veterans had reverted to a stage of child-like wonder, until they were confronted with the reality of the world they lived in. But would that be enough to squash the hope lit within them?

(Aka, a rather optimistic Levi and Hange having fun in Marley the day before all the shit went down)

(Giulia’s art here)

7. The River in the Rain (Angst, hurt/comfort, canon-compliant- Hange taking care of Levi from chapter 115 to 126)  [3 chapters]

Summary: A deep-set shock had gripped her, had rattled her to her core as she recognized the face she knew like the back of her hand below all the blood, gashes and shrapnel. But his body was warm underneath her touch. And as she lay her hand discreetly on his chest, the heart below her palm thumped. Still steady. Still beating. 

And it was in that moment when Hange swore: No matter what- even if it cost her own life- she was going to make sure that Levi would stay alive.

8. A Trip Down The Memory Lane (Erurihan fluff, non-ship, wholesome)

Summary: During the winter holidays, Erwin and Levi are dragged along by Hange to pay a visit to the Industrial City in Wall Rose. As they explore the city together, Levi accidentally unearths the mysteries surrounding Hange’s elusive childhood.

And it turns out Erwin has known many of them all along.

9.  Stuck in the Haze (Angst, emotional hurt/comfort, the chapter 139 scene from Hange’s pov)  [one-shot]

Summary: Hange has to bid Levi a final goodbye, but she meets his mother in the afterlife. And it seems like Kuchel Ackerman has something to say.

10. Calm after Storm (Canon-compliant, Hange’s pov of chapter 127 post stew scene) [one-shot]

Summary:  After Yelena's words stirred up a fight between Jean and Reiner, it is up to Hange to be the mom of the Alliance and take care of everyone yet again.

(Giulia’s art here)

11. Will you stay among the stars with me? (canon-divergent, levihanween2021, fluff, supernatural) [2 chapters]

Summary: Beaten up, neglected and exhausted, Levi's idea of his future only extends till his next meal. But when he comes across a curious little girl sitting under the bright rays of the sun, he comes to realize just how big and beautiful the world is. Even so, for some reason... it just doesn't feel right.

(Angie’s art here and here)

12. Under Attack! (School AU, half-a-crackfic, humor) [2 chapters]

Summary: It was a normal, peaceful day in school until Eren had tried to impress him, and now Levi found himself hiding in a cramped dark closet with a girl he barely knew to escape the wrath of a thousand bees ready to unleash their vengeance on them. Dammit Eren.

12. It is lonely at the top (canon-compliant, angst, emotional hurt/comfort/no comfort) [1/2 chapters - ongoing]

Summary:  Hange dealing with Eren's betrayal, Sasha's death, and Levi's absence.

Bonus: A Truce (a short fluffy drabble written based on Gabey’s doodle) (Giulia’s art here)

If you are interested in knowing what my favourite Levihan fanfics are and want to check out my personal recommendations, click here! 

[little-miss-understood]

The "Reveal"

(Or: the timing of the "reveal", and its effects on the viewers and Marinette) From the start of Miraculous Ladybug, there have been a core thing known about the "Love Square" situation: that at some point in the future, a reveal would have to happen. It's what most of of the fans want, it's something that is only fair to the two active participants in said square, and would solve long-standing questions for them to build towards a future together if they so wished. Then a few funny things happened along the way. They've shown that on a few occasions, if they do get together, the world ends. Hawk Moth (Gabriel, Adrien's father, so Marinette's possible future in-law) wins, or Adrien himself goes bonkers over trying to reconcile the fact that his father is trying to save his mother by being evil vs. the love of his life being entirely against that, being on the side of good. Then there's also the timing of said reveal, as we bear down on Season 5. I've read different stories out there that people have created where the reveal doesn't happen until they're young adults. Or they're married. Or when Marinette is pregnant. Or later than that, even. It can be a joke that they're both senior citizens and they still don't know, but in that I also wonder at this point how far the creators themselves wish to take this... ...and I've come to the conclusion that if it goes too much farther, not only is it not fair Marinette but neither would it be to the viewers. The people who watch the show are involved in the Love Square for the most part, and do want to see it resolved in some way. Season 5 is making steps in that direction but there's still the idea that, at the end of it (and probably with a time skip into Season 6), it might not be in ways that anyone really wants and that the creators will figure out how to drag this on further into them being young adults.

Which of course brings me into how none of this is fair to Marinette. There have been others who have written passionately about how just being Ladybug/the series in general hasn't been fair to her, but everything involving the Love Square and the reveal in particular has caused her damage, especially the situation of Chat Blanc. Marinette's memories of that whole turn of events is a key part of what holds her back from doing any kind of reveal, and who could blame her? I am a person who believes there are much better pairings for Marinette than anything that is part of the "square", specifically her being with Luka or Kagami. Marinette doesn't and shouldn't have to settle or hold out hope for some future with a boy who is only settling for her in return as he cannot have the side of her that is the mask. She also shouldn't have to wait for adulthood to embrace carefree love, nor endure having a crisis later on when, after possibly many years of being together and having kids with Adrien, is when she finds out she's been with Chat Noir also all of that time. What fun. Especially for a character who values the truth above anything else. There are partners out there who could work with her in this way and not have any of the false pretenses present. The Love Square could have been done correctly from the start if it had more of a set end, the same with perhaps Marinette having a break between Gabriel losing and the rise of whatever Hawkmoth comes next. People seem to forget that she's 14 and will have to deal with this for the rest of her life, and this much responsibility wasn't what she initially signed up for. The "reveal", whenever it happens, won't be satisfying. Much like a lot of other things in Miraculous Ladybug when you look at it for what it is.

[animatedarchives]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU

— 𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐈 𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐀

author’s note: wOOHOO it’s day 6 of the winter collab and today’s prompt is deck the halls! i used it to set the scene instead of using it as a main idea but i hope you like it nonetheless!! :D

genre: fLUFF i want semi to sing to me too :(

warnings: none! just warm christmas vibes :>

word count: 1.6k words

You and Semi loved Christmas, but today he was being overly enthusiastic about it, and you weren’t entirely sure why.

You normally bought a small tree to decorate every year for Christmas together, but today he came home with one that was double in size, insisting that you help him set it up before the day was over.

“What do I get for my assistance?” you raised your eyebrow playfully. You were already going to help him like you always did, but there was no harm in bargaining for extra benefit.

Semi smirked. “I’ll finally tell you what I want for Christmas,” he said, eliciting a gasp from you in response. You’d been pestering him to tell you for weeks, but every single time you asked, he refused to answer, saying that it was a secret.

So you accepted his offer without another thought, excited to hear what it was that Semi wanted so you could get it for him. Your boyfriend grinned as you sealed the deal.

Everything was going to plan.

You and Semi spent the day decorating the house together, singing and dancing as you enjoyed each other’s company. By the time night had fallen, everything was decorated and the atmosphere emanated a certain coziness and warmth.

“Looks pretty good, huh,” he beamed. You nodded and twirled the shiny golden star in your hand, walking over to the tree to finally add the finishing touch. You stood on your tiptoes, letting out a strained sound as you tried to place the star at the top.

Semi chuckled as you tried to stretch further, amused at how cute you still managed to look despite your little struggle. He approached you from behind, wrapping his arms firmly around your hips before lifting you off the ground.

You shrieked in surprise, quickly grabbing onto his arms in order to regain your balance. But Semi’s grip on you was strong and reassuring, making sure not to let you fall while he stepped closer towards the tree.

You slowly twisted your torso, the peak you couldn’t see before now clearly in view. You extended the star forward, carefully crowning the large fern with its final decoration of the day. You tapped Semi’s arm to let him know you were done, and he gently lowered you down, holding you steadily in his arms as your feet touched the ground.

Both of you admired your work, watching the lights twinkle around the bejeweled tree as the fireplace crackled warmly in the background. The ambience was perfect. It was just what he had hoped for.

He smiled as you sank into his chest and wrapped your arms around his waist, while he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“I love Christmas,” you sighed dreamily as you inhaled the faint yet distinct scent of pine that your boyfriend’s sweater held. “But I love you more.”

Semi’s heart skipped a beat at those nostalgic words, his mind going straight to the object in his pocket as he kissed your forehead and pulled away. The stage was finally set. The time to act was now.

“So, you wanna know what I want for Christmas?” he quirked an eyebrow teasingly. You scoffed at his question, knowing he already knew your answer.

“Yes, Eita, just tell me already!” you replied, scrunching up your nose as you huffed impatiently. You worked hard for your reward. You deserved to get your answer.

Semi laughed at your silliness, but he loved you all the same. He gazed at you with adoration, and his heart began to soften.

“I’ll do you one better,” he said, removing himself from your hold and walking to the corner of the room where his acoustic guitar was propped up against the wall.

“I’ll sing it for you.”

Your eyes sparkled at his response, akin to a child receiving a gift on Christmas morning. You loved it when Semi sang to you, which was why he decided he had to do it today. His hand brushed against the undeniable object in his pocket, his heart skipping a beat as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

This was it.

Semi took a deep breath and began to pick at the strings with his slender fingers. Time seemed to slow down and the air around you became full of romance and intimacy. Semi closed his eyes and quietly hummed along to the tune, an effort to calm his racing heart.

He opened his eyes again to look at you, and a smile crept up onto his face when he saw you swaying gently along to the music. He melted at the sight, and his love for you bled into the lyrics he sang as his melodious voice filled the air.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need.”

You wanted to scoff at how cheesy he was being, revealing that the big gift he had wanted for Christmas was you all along.

But something about the raw emotion in his voice changed your mind, and you reveled in the sweetness of the words woven together by the silky smoothness of his voice.

“I don’t care about the presents, underneath the Christmas tree.”

You began to lose yourself to the music, humming along as Semi slowly strummed his guitar. It felt like you were dreaming, and you watched as Semi slowly began to approach you. His eyes never once left yours, and he continued to pour out emotion into every word that emerged from his rosy pink lips.

“I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know.”

Semi stopped in front of you, and your heart swelled as you gazed up into his warm, brown eyes. You honestly didn’t know how it was possible to love someone so much, but you did know that there wasn’t anyone else that you’d rather be in love with.

“Make my wish come true…”

And just like that, your heart skipped a beat. Because as soon as the lyrics left your your boyfriend’s lips, he slowly began to sink down until he was on one knee.

No way... It- It can’t be...

Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him pull out a small, black velvet box. You suddenly rememebered how he’d been subtly brushing his hands near the pocket of his pants, making it seem like he was wiping his palms. All of a sudden, everything made sense. The decorating of the house to set the mood, the offer to reveal what he wanted for Christmas just so he could sing this song.

Was this what he had planned all along?

Your vision became blurry, your mind spinning out of control as tears began to well up in your eyes. Seeing you on the verge of tears made a lump form in Semi’s throat, but he forced himself to continue, determined to profess his love for you.

“All I want for Christmas…”

You could barely comprehend what was happening, everything was moving much too fast. It was like you were floating in the clouds, unsure it was real because it felt too good to be true.

But then the physical wetness of a tear trailing down your cheek finally cemented reality for you, and you were pulled back to your senses again.

This wasn’t just a dream.

It was all real.

Semi’s voice trembled, as did his hands. He was barely able to get out the last two words, slowly opening the box to reveal a glittering diamond ring.

“Is you.”

The final note and last lyric of the song struck a cord in your heart, and the tears began to flow freely from your eyes. Semi gently set his guitar aside, taking your hand in his and kissing your knuckles to help put you at ease.

“Today is a special day Y/N, because it was the first time that I told you I loved you,” Semi said. You remembered feeling Semi tense earlier when you’d said you loved him, now realising that it was the core of why he proposed today out of all days.

You let out a sob, never expecting him to remember such a minor detail. But little did you know that to Semi, it was the one thing he’d never forget.

“I remember that night like it was yesterday; how we kissed underneath the mistletoe and then spent our first Christmas together exactly one week later.”

Your heart swelled with emotion at the memory — the feeling of Semi’s lips pressing softly against yours as your heart began to warm despite the freezing cold air.

“We’ve spent every Christmas together since, and I don’t ever want that to stop. I want to spend the rest of my Christmases with you, waking up next to you each snowy morning, cuddling by the fireplace with our warm cups of cocoa and decorating our home where we’ll raise our children together.”

“You are the only thing I need, Y/N. Not just for this Christmas, but for the rest of my life,” he smiled softly. “So uh, for my Christmas present this year...” he chuckled nervously.

“Will you marry me?”

You could hardly contain yourself any longer, tackling him to the ground as your heart burst with happiness.

“YES YES YES!” you cried, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. He gently held your body in his arms, rubbing your back soothingly as you sobbed into his shirt.

You pulled away with glassy eyes, extending your finger to allow him to slip the jewel on. The ring fit perfectly on your finger, seemingly made for you, just like Semi was.

“I love you so much, Y/N,” he said, gently cupping your cheek before placing a kiss on your forehead. You placed your hand over his, melting into his tender touch as you looked at him with endearment.

“I love you too, Eita,” you smiled as you leaned forward to press your lips against his soft ones, your souls intertwining together as your hearts beat as one.

© written and published by animatedarchives 2020. please do not steal or repost. thank you.

[walviemort]

hidden blessing (7/?)

Summary: Killian thought the only thing he was left with after Milah’s death was a broken heart and a thirst for vengeance. It’s not until he gets to Storybrooke, after so many years spent in stasis, that he discovers something else: he’s carrying her child. How does this new, tiny blessing change his path? (Canon-divergent from 2x12.)

rated T | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | AO3 | 3.4k

a/n: Sorry for the long gap between chapters! Life and all that. But hopefully there will be less gap between this and the next ones, and hope it was worth the wait!

To Killian’s surprise, part of Emma’s plan of preparation was rest; she was pointedly looking at him when she made the suggestion, and honestly, he’d been too relieved at the idea to say anything against it. Even more shockingly, Regina agreed, and for the first time since they’d set foot in this accursed land, Killian finally felt rested; even the nausea had abated, though he was sure it wouldn’t last long.

What did concern him, however, was the sound of David struggling once they finally set off toward Pan’s camp. Snow teased him, but Killian was worried that his brush with the Lost One’s arrow had been far too close.

And then, of course, Pan moved the camp—in the opposite direction that they’d been moving. As usual, Regina was quick to blame him and call for the use of magic. Which was a terrible idea, and he told her so, but did give him another.

“How are we going to find it?” she sniped.

“By using someone he trusts,” he replied, patience waning.

“Who?” David challenged. “Because I guess he certainly doesn't trust you.”

He’d never gain ground with David, would he? “A fairy who lived here when I was about,” he explained, ignoring the jab. “She might still be on the island. She'd be an inside source, knows all about the camp, can get us in. She might even have some pixie dust left. Perhaps we could fly in.”

In the continuation of their hot-and-cold relationship, David supported the idea—and Emma apparently discovered another person she knew to be fictional was real. If he ended up raising this child in Storybrooke, he’d have to be sure to keep such tales far away from them.

They redirected, but David was flagging. And Killian hated that he knew why.

It took some prodding, but David eventually was convinced to show Killian his injury, lifting his shirt just enough to expose his lower abdomen. The more hormonal part of Killian was slightly jealous of the man’s not only flat, but incredibly well toned stomach, briefly mourning the loss of his own, but it gave way to dread: there was a long, shallow slice along David’s side, and black veins were already spreading from the cut.

And yet, David still tried to argue that “The arrow only nicked me.”

But Killian had seen enough brushes with the vile poison to know what lay ahead. The sight turned his stomach, dredging up painful memories. But the stubborn prince wouldn’t heed his advice to tell his family.

“Pixie dust,” David insisted was the answer. “You believe in this Tinker Bell's power? In her pixie dust?”

“Indeed, I do.” Tink had never given him reason not to. (Though, to be fair, most of their interactions were a bit more physical than verbal, and with the way the slightest thing had him aroused right now, he didn’t dare wander down that path of memory.)

“Then let's get her and that dust.”

It was hard to argue with that.

Her treehouse was still in the same spot; given his familiarity, he headed up first, only to find it empty. (Although still far too familiar; memories of one particular night spent in that hammock definitely stirred some things he hadn’t wanted stirred. Bloody hormones.)

Thankfully his pants were still loose enough to hide anything he didn’t want shown as the rest of the crew joined him in the treehouse, although their search came up empty.

Well, not entirely—while Emma and Snow were reminiscing on the hovel’s resemblance to some places they’d lived, David uncovered a handkerchief. Of Regina’s.

He should have known Tink would be steps ahead of them; she usually was.

Thankfully, she hadn’t caused Regina any harm—and Emma managed to convince her to join them. He wasn’t really surprised—Emma clearly had that way with lost souls such as themselves—though he had assumed his own rapport with the fairy would be required. 

(He was pleased, however, that Tink was not averse to his flirtations, even if she was no longer the main object of them.)

Their shared history meant she could read him too well, though. On the trek back to their campsite, she sidled up to him. “So who knocked you up?” she bluntly whispered.

How the hell could she tell? Not that it really mattered, he supposed. “First time you’ve seen me in 30 years and that’s your first question?”

“Well, you weren’t the last time I saw you. Oh god—it wasn’t me, was it?”

He chuckled. “No, lass, it was not.” He had a keen memory for these things and he and Tink, despite the numerous positions they explored, never managed the specific one required for conception. “And actually, I was when you last saw me; I just didn’t know it yet.”

The moment of realization was visible on her face. “Oh my goodness. Then let me say congratulations.”

“Thanks, love.”

She then punched him in the shoulder. “You better be damn careful.”

“Bloody hell; that doesn’t exactly help.”

She helped them gather up some coconuts to share before settling in for the night (or whatever part of day it was; his circadian rhythm was definitely off, and his random bouts of fatigue didn’t help). After they’d passed them around, he sat down and was starting to notch a hole in one with his hook when Emma took a seat next to him.

“Hey, are you doing okay?” she asked quietly. “Stomach feeling alright and everything?”

He was speechless for a moment; despite her previous admission, he was surprised she cared. But her green eyes were staring him down, demanding an answer. “Aye; nothing too bad today; thank you for asking.” He broke through to the hollow core of the coconut and handed it to Emma. She took a sip and smiled.

“Damn, that’s good. I didn’t just take yours, did I?” He replied by grabbing another one and holding it aloft. “Good. You need to stay hydrated.”

“I’m aware, doctor.”

She snorted at that and took another sip, but then her smile drifted away as she swallowed. “So, uh, you seemed to know Tink pretty well.”

“Aye, you could say that; we go back quite far.”

“Were you two—is she—?” Emma stammered, then nodded toward his midsection. He had to bite back a laugh.

“Yes and no,” he answered. “We did know each other intimately, but not that intimately.”

She adorably scrunched her face in confusion, then shrugged. “Okay, I was just curious. You still need to explain all that to me, but not tonight.”

“No, not tonight; you better rest up.”

“You too, okay?”

“Aye, captain.”

She rolled her eyes, but stood and headed back toward where her parents sat. The longer he spent in her presence, the more he felt it when she left. This was definitely not the time or place to be warring with those feelings, but he couldn’t seem to help it. He was mature enough to set them aside and focus on the bigger picture—saving Henry and escaping this cursed realm—but bloody hell was it difficult.

The near-constant flutters within began their tiny dance again; he hoped the way his hand rested on his belly was perceived as casual. Feeling that was yet another reminder of his goals here: to make it out alive for the sake of the babe, and let no harm come to them. 

He was allowed to have some fun along the way, though—right?

-------------------------------------------

Of course, those moments were few and far between. The next day brought Tink’s uncomfortable reminder that they’d yet to figure out a way out of Neverland, and led them chasing ghosts across the island as he brought them to Bae’s old hideaway.

He had never let the lad know that he was aware of its location. Or that he’d been keeping an eye on him ever since he left the Roger. That was still his greatest regret, and he hoped no one noticed the tears brimming at his eyes as he moved to uncover the entrance to Bae’s cave.

Deflection usually helped; he did find a brief moment to engage Emma, but David stepped in before she could reply. It was hard to tell if it was fatherly protection or pure stubbornness against his own fate that was the motivation. Of course, David didn’t want to hear another lecture about his situation as they opened the cave, but he got one anyway; perhaps this pregnancy was elevating Killian’s already intense protective instincts, but the man’s insistence on hiding his condition was infuriating and heartbreaking.

Honestly, the only thing that kept him back from really tearing into David was Emma calling out for him from the cave. His heart gave a leap at that, one that was clearly distinguishable from the rolling of his stomach that typically accompanied nausea, and he headed in with one last glance at David. He could deal with him later, but he’d not leave a lady waiting.

“What is this place? What are we doing here?” she demanded impatiently, trying to make out anything in the dark of the cave. Ever one for the dramatic reveal, Killian headed straight to a waiting torch on the back wall and quickly made to light it with his flint against his hook. At least, he had hoped it would be quickly, but the ever present humidity made that difficult; and then David was again pushing him aside with some firestarter from his realm. Bloody hell, was that man stubborn. But it had the desired effect, and Emma quickly realized where they were. “Neal,” she said on a breath, studying the chalk drawings that covered nearly every surface. “This is where he lived.” 

“Aye,” he confirmed. “Baelfire spent some time in Neverland as a boy. This was his home.” His eyes were immediately drawn to a reproduction of the port and starboard coordinates that were still etched into the Jolly Roger’s helm, sending a wave of guilt and sadness through him.

The group wasted no time in beginning to search for a clue as to how Bae had left; clearly, it had been in a rush. And if Killian used it as an excuse to hover around Emma...well, that was his business. 

“Anything important?” he asked as she inspected the wall.

“I can't tell yet. I didn't know he liked drawing.” 

“He got it from his mother,” Killian found himself blurting out; it was also easy to see Milah’s influence in Bae’s style, and his hand immediately fluttered to his belly on instinct. Emma gave him a sympathetic half smile, but then turned her attention back to the task at hand—and in the process, discovered the way off...partly. 

It was a rather ingenious device, he had to admit: a star map hidden in a coconut. Practical and creative; he couldn’t help the rush of pride he felt when he explained it to the group.

“Then you can read it,” Regina stated, uncharacteristically hopeful. Which made the next part all the harder. 

“Sadly, no.” Because of course, Bae had made sure to encode the coordinates in a manner that only he could read.

“Which means the only person who can read it is dead,” Emma summarized, clearly upset. She tossed the map aside and hurried out of the cave in a fluster. Her parents tried to follow, but didn’t get far before she told them she needed space.

Kililan only waited a minute before following.

She was only a few yards outside the cave entrance, forearm pressed against a tree as she stared at the ground and, most likely, was trying not to express any undesired emotion.

“You alright, love?” he said quietly, not wanting to startle her. 

She huffed. “No, not really. Just one step forward and three back, every fucking day.”

She continued to rant without any input from him—about the jungle, about Pan, about missing Henry, and her mixed feelings toward Bae. And it became abundantly clear to Killian that she needed a respite (he certainly could use one, too).

He knew just the place, too. “Swan, can I show you something?”

“Is it another way off the island?”

“Afraid not, but I think it’s what you need right now.”

She sighed, mildly defeated (which was still as much as he’d ever seen from her), but nodded.

It was a short walk to their destination—still within earshot of the Charmings if needed—but far enough to give them both some needed room to breathe. He brushed back a swag of foliage (after checking for dreamshade) and gestured for Emma to step through. 

Years ago, he’d discovered the small spring here; one of the few parts of the island not bent on murdering its inhabitants. The water was fresh and cool, and various fruits and edible plants grew around the edge. Back then, he’d made a point to keep access to it open for Bae; he was relieved to see nothing had changed, save for the few vines grown over the entrance. 

“It’s beautiful,” Emma sighed—a heavy thing of both awe and relief. 

“Aye. Only a few places like it on the island.”

“Let me guess: the water is acid or something?”

He chuckled. “Blessedly, no. It’s one of the safest places here, actually. Bae would come here often—for water, and to bathe.”

She sighed. “Yeah, one of those sounds great right about now.”

“Go right ahead,” he said, gesturing to the spring. “I’ll keep a lookout for you.”

She arched an eyebrow and smirked. “How do I know this isn’t just a ploy to get me out of my clothes? Don’t forget: I know what pregnancy hormones are like.”

She wasn’t wrong, and he couldn’t help the rush of thrill when she flirted with him like that, sarcastic as it was—or the slight southern rush of blood. “Well, I had planned to do the same, if you’d offer me the same courtesy once you’re done.”

“Okay. But turn around,” she directed. He couldn’t say no to that.

He also wasn’t about to divulge the places his imagination wandered as he heard the gentle splashes of water as she cleaned herself.

She didn’t take long—he could tell she was used to being efficient when it came to hygiene, like he was—and was fully dressed by the time he turned around, though her wet hair was still dripping. And he was more relieved than he planned on that she was already facing away when it came time to remove his tunic; he was by no means ashamed of the curve of his belly, but showing off something that was apparently unnatural to the woman he fancied was suddenly a mortifying endeavor.

He was quick, too, in washing up, and in getting redressed—at least his tunic; he let his vest hang unbuttoned for a bit. It had also been a minor bit of relief to undo it, and he’d need a moment to subtly loosen the laces in order to make it both more comfortable and better disguise his slight bump.

He’d given Emma the all clear to turn around before he did that, though, lest she get suspicious. Although—she seemed mildly disappointed when she did.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing, just...you didn’t have to hide your bump, if that’s what you were doing,” she said, avoiding his gaze.

“Bummed you couldn’t see me shirtless?” he quipped.

That drew a wry, side-eyed grin from her, before she sat down on a stone near the edge of the spring and took a long sip from her freshly filled jug. There was enough space on it next to her for another person to join, but he didn’t want to impose...at least, not until she called out, “Are you gonna join me or not?”

He picked up his vest and coat from where he’d left them in the sand of the small beach and made his way over, then settled next to her. She passed over the canteen; the water was cool and refreshing—and he nearly dropped it when the babe gave a strong kick. “I guess this one likes it too,” he said after he passed it back, and let his hand rest over his belly. It wasn’t often he felt strong movements like that, but each one was reassuring—that his babe was safe from all the dangers of this murderous island.

“Have they been doing that a lot?” Emma asked.

“Here and there; that’s one of the stronger ones I’ve felt.”

“I remember when Henry first did that,” she started. “I dropped my lunch tray, I was so startled. And they wouldn’t give me any more food. But it was...kind of incredible.”

He only understood half those words, but understood the sentiment. “I was still locked up in Tamara’s apartment when I felt the first one.”

“What a coincidence; I was in prison.”

He was growing to hate the number of parallels in their lives.

“Anyways—how’s everything else? Any nausea, cravings, anything?”

It was touching that she was so concerned, but he didn’t dare complain about anything other than the intermittent nausea. As she’d said, she knew about the hormones. “Although, my boots have been annoying tight,” he did add, “and I need to loosen my vest a bit.”

Her eyes had drifted to his midsection, but quickly glanced up. He couldn’t fault her for being curious, so he tugged the edge of his tunic up to reveal his stomach.

“Aww, that’s a cute bump,” she gushed; it was an odd thing to say, he thought, but she clearly meant it as a compliment. “You said sixteen weeks, right?”

“Aye,” he answered, impressed she remembered.

“Yeah, I think that’s where I was with Henry around then. I carried it all in front, apparently.” She quickly grew quiet, and he could tell that wasn’t the sort of thing she shared with too many people. But then her expression grew quizzical. “Can I ask...how, or where, exactly are you carrying?”

“I clearly have a womb,” he said, trying to make light of what was clearly going to be an awkward anatomical conversation.

“Well, yeah, but…you’re a guy. Also clearly,” she responded, eyes glancing at his groin.

“Yes; I have both, then, if that’s what you’re asking, but my womb is...I suppose less functional than yours.”

“So...what, you don’t get periods or something? How does this all work?”

He chuckled at her bluntness and explained—how his womb was something of a secondary characteristic, menstruation only occurred once a year or so, and conception was also only possible at a specific time and when the female partner was on top (a fact that made her blush). “Milah and I...our last joining before she died, it would have been the right circumstances, but given how slim the chances of conception were, it wasn’t something we were concerned with.”

“It only takes once,” she said knowingly.

“That it does,” he agreed.

They settled into an easy silence, and the baby started kicking again, even more once he put his palm over it.

“Do you...want to feel it?” he asked; no one but the doctor had thus far, but he knew women and their partners and friends usually shared those moments. They counted as friends, right?

He was worried she might think he was crossing a line, but she grinned. “Yeah!”

Gently, he took her hand and placed it over the spot just to the side of his navel where the babe was pressing. Hopefully, she didn’t notice his quick intake of breath at the feel of her warm palm on his skin.

If she did, it was quickly forgotten when the little one was kicking at her hand; her eyes lit up. “Hey there, kid,” she said softly. “Look at you, growing big and strong.”

She looked up at him, smiling—and very close to him, a fact she too seemed to suddenly realize, and she quickly moved away. 

They lingered at the pond a while longer, enjoying the respite from the craziness of their journey. 

But Killian couldn’t stop his heart from racing, and he wasn’t sure if it was from Emma’s proximity, or her interest in his babe, or both.

(Emma, she was surprised to find, was facing a similar predicament. She couldn’t linger on it, she knew, but maybe when they were done, she could try to figure out what that meant.)

But for one minute, they were just two friends enjoying a quiet moment.

————————————————–

thanks for reading! tagging  @cocohook38​​​​​​ @wyntereyez​​​​​​ @jennjenn615​​​​​​ @superadam54​​​​​​ @ashley-knightingale​​​​​​ @justsomewhump​​​ @teamhook​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

[gingersnapwolves]

The Untamed, a brief summary [part 6/6]

Part One: Sword Wizard School

Part Two:  The Search for the Yin Iron and the World’s Worst Summer Camp

Part Three: The Fall of Lotus Pier and the Sunshot Campaign

Part Four: The Downward Spiral

Part Five: Mo Manor, Hungry Sabers, and Yi City

Part Six: The Hidden Room, Burial Mounds Redux, and Guanyin Temple

Ext, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, and Lan Xichen roll up to Koi Tower. Jiang Cheng is already there and decides to make it awkward for everyone by asking the Lans to introduce the masked Wei Wuxian, even though a) he knows or is at least pretty damn sure it’s Wei Wuxian, b) he knows that they know it’s Wei Wuxian, and c) he doesn’t know if they know that he knows. Thanks for making me type that sentence, Jiang Cheng.

ENTER A WOMAN WHO SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A BETTER PRE-NUP

Jin Guangyao comes out. He still has a great smile and he and Lan Xichen are still cute together. But it gets really awkward because, if you’ll remember (and I don’t blame you if you don’t), Wei Wuxian is pretending to be Mo Xuanyu, who is Jin Guangyao’s half-brother who got thrown out of Koi Tower for bad behavior. How bad? Well, apparently Mo Xuanyu had a habit of harassing Jin Guangyao’s wife, Qin Su. Whoops.

Of course, it’s difficult to say whether or not Mo Xuanyu actually did this, since all we have to go on is what people say about him, and ‘maybe don’t believe every rumor you hear’ is like the main thesis of this show.

 Int, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Nie Huaisang shows up too, and throws himself at Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen because “the old problems are solved, but new problems have arrived!” He is a drunk mess and it’s a little embarrassing for everyone.

 Ext, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Jin Ling is being bullied. Wei Wuxian tells him that he should beat the bullies up, because once you’re an adult you can’t just beat people up anymore and it sucks. He teaches Jin Ling some moves and they have some nice nephew-uncle bonding time, even if Wei Wuxian is pretending to be a different uncle from the one he actually is.

 Int, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Wei Wuxian uses a little paper man talisman spell to sneak into Jin Guangyao’s rooms. His wife is there and she’s upset about a letter she got. Jin Guangyao comes in and they argue about it. She keeps asking if what’s in it is true, and what happened to their son. He keeps asking her who wrote the letter and saying whoever it was only trying to upset her. When she won’t back down or answer his question, he burns the letter and then puts some sort of trance spell on her. Then he takes her into a hidden room behind a mirror.

The room is full of all sorts of treasure, including Wei Wuxian’s old sword, and more important, Nie Mingjue’s head. Yeah, just his head, with blinders over its eyes and everything. It’s weird. Wei Wuxian does a spell called Empathy to communicate with the dead guy.

  Int, Nie Mingjue’s mind [currently Lanling]

We see flashbacks to him first meeting and promoting Meng Yao, who was getting bullied by the other soldiers, then to the day he exiled Meng Yao (with slight differences from the way it was presented earlier because unreliable narration is fun). We see them argue a few times over the years, then see Jin Guangyao playing music for Nie Mingjue (ostensibly to keep him from qi deviation). They get into a big fight, Nie Mingjue throws Jin Guangyao down the steps of Koi Tower, but then his brain basically explodes. Jin Guangyao looks pretty satisfied with how things are turning out but then Nie Huaisang runs up, shouting for his brother, and Jin Guangyao switches to looking super worried instead. He keeps Nie Huaisang from running to his brother, saying he won’t recognize him. Then Nie Mingjue is held down in the treasure room we’re currently in, still alive and fighting qi deviation, and Jin Guangyao tells Xue Yang to kill him (with Baxia, which Xue Yang is holding), which he does.

  Int, the hidden room [Lanling]

Wei Wuxian separates his mind from Nie Mingjue’s and says ‘well that was fucked up’.

Jin Guangyao notices the little paper man and starts trying to catch it, or stab it. Wei Wuxian manages to use the paper man to manipulate his own former sword, which is very cool, and get away.

Jin Guangyao is like ‘gee, who could that have been, using Wei Wuxian’s paper man talisman to wield Wei Wuxian’s sword?’

  Int, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji about all the fucked up stuff he just witnessed. They go to force their way into the hidden chamber. Lan Xichen catches up with them on the way. A bunch of Jin disciples try to stop them, including Jin Ling. Lan Xichen asks Jin Guangyao to let them in if he has nothing to hide. Jin Guangyao tries to demur, but Lan Xichen insists. With so many witnesses, he’s left with no choice.

  Int, the hidden room [Lanling]

Nie Mingjue’s head is gone, but Qin Su is still there. Wei Wuxian goes over to try to talk to her, and Su She (remember this guy? Betrayed the Lan sect way back when, made friends with Jin Guangyao afterwards) says that ‘Mo Xuanyu’ just wanted to harass Qin Su some more. While Jin Guangyao is showing off a knife that’s part of his treasure, Qin Su grabs it and uses it to kill herself.

Everyone is super fucked up about this. (Don’t forget, Jin Ling is there! This 16 year old is having a Time of it.) Lan Xichen is like ‘holy shit my best friend’s wife just killed herself in front of me’ and Wei Wuxian basically blue-screens trying to figure out if she did that to herself because of whatever was in the letter, or if Jin Guangyao somehow coerced her to do it with the trance spell. (Unclear! Draw what conclusions you will.)

Jin Guangyao, who is either really upset or the world’s best actor (or both) asks them why they demanded to come into the treasure hall and what the fuck is going on. People outside, who have heard the commotion, come running in, including Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng (who looks at Wei Wuxian like ‘I leave you alone for five fucking minutes and now there’s a dead woman’).

Lan Xichen explains about the sword spirit and the body in Yi City and how they were looking for Nie Mingjue’s head. Jin Guangyao asks ‘did you really think I had our sworn brother’s head in my treasure room?’ Lan Xichen looks at his best friend cradling his dead wife that yes, he was in fact about to accuse of such a thing, and looks like he’s going to be physically ill. (Lan Wangji, however, is staring Jin Guangyao down like ‘listen up you lying asshole’ and Wei Wuxian is just impressed he’s found someone who’s even more shameless about crime than he is.)

Jin Guangyao takes the opportunity to blame ‘Mo Xuanyu’ for everything. He pulls his sword on Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji steps between them. Wei Wuxian tries to de-escalate things but it doesn’t work for shit because Su She attacks him, and he grabs his old sword off the display to protect himself. This is a Big Deal because the sword sealed itself when he died, so nobody except Wei Wuxian would be able to draw it. Oops. (Wei Wuxian has a sad moment with his sword for being so loyal, even though he was unable to use it for years before his death, since he had no golden core.) Then they run outside because fuck this shit.

  Ext, Koi Tower [Lanling]

Jin Guangyao reassures Jin Ling that it’s not his fault he got tricked by Wei Wuxian, because Wei Wuxian is so evil and everything. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji try to get away but get surrounded. Jin Guangyao again calls Wei Wuxian out on being Wei Wuxian, so he takes off his mask. Everyone acts shocked even though 90% of the characters already knew this.

The Jin cultivators surround him. Wei Wuxian pushes Lan Wangji away and says to tell them that he didn’t know who Wei Wuxian was and that he was tricked by him. Lan Wangji refuses, immediately telling everyone he knew damn well that Wei Wuxian was Wei Wuxian and what the fuck are they gonna do about it? Wei Wuxian still tries to get him to leave, and Lan Wangji runs up to the line of what the Chinese censors will allow in terms of declarations of devotion between two men and plays gay chicken with it. He and Wei Wuxian smile at each other. Jin Guangyao has a ‘really? Right in front of my salad?’ look on his face.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji fight off the Jin guys but then Jin Ling stabs Wei Wuxian in the stomach. It sucks for everybody. Lan Wangji grabs him and they run away.

 Int, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

Lan Wangji has taken Wei Wuxian back here to heal. Lan Xichen is there, too, and says that it was with his permission. But he’s clearly pretty upset about what happened at Koi Tower, since he’s the one who forced Jin Guangyao to open the treasure room on Wei Wuxian’s word, and now he kind of looks like an asshole. He and Lan Wangji come as close to a fight as they’re capable of getting in. Lan Wangji thinks Lan Xichen should believe Wei Wuxian. Lan Xichen points out that he’s known Jin Guangyao for nearly 20 years at this point and he trusts him. Since neither of them saw Nie Mingjue’s head with their own eyes, they cannot know which of the two (Wei Wuxian or Jin Guangyao) is lying. It’s frustrating, but Lan Xichen has good reason to be wary, considering that witch hunts are what led to everything that happened to Wei Wuxian in the first place. In fact, Wei Wuxian is much less upset about it than Lan Wangji.

He tells Lan Xichen what he saw while using Empathy, and plays the Song of Clarity (the qi-deviation prevention music that Jin Guangyao was playing in the memories). Lan Xichen said he played it wrong and Wei Wuxian said he played it exactly as he heard it in the memory. They realize Jin Guangyao altered the song to cause qi deviation instead of prevent it. Lan Xichen still finds this pretty hard to believe, but he says he’ll test the version Wei Wuxian heard on himself and see what happens.

Lan Xichen walks Wei Wuxian back to where he’s been stashed, and Wei Wuxian takes the opportunity to ask him why Lan Wangji has so many whip scars. Lan Xichen explains that after Wei Wuxian died, Lan Wangji flipped his shit a bit and prevented all the other sects from sacking Wei Wuxian’s cave of neat stuff. It’s a bit vague but you get the impression he might have beaten up some important people. So Lan Qiren punished him with a whipping and three years of seclusion in the back hills of Cloud Recesses. Then they show him being beaten because sometimes this show’s continuity is not great.

(Lan Xichen is like ‘hey, you know my brother’s in love with you, right? I mean, only an idiot could not know that. But you really seem to be an idiot. Let me tell you a story about how our mother killed a guy and our father insisted on protecting her anyway. Please use your lone brain cell to connect the dots.’)

Lan Wangji comes back with booze for Wei Wuxian. They talk a bit about Lan Xichen, and Lan Wangji asks if they should tell him about the second flute. He talked to Wen Ning, who told him that he heard two flutes playing at Qiongqi Way. Wei Wuxian says he wanted to know at first, but now he’s not sure it matters. No matter what, people will always say he’s evil, but at least Lan Wangji still believes in him. He says to Lan Wangji ‘I’m sorry, and thank you’.

  Int, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

Jin Guangyao has turned up, and says he definitely believes Lan Xichen that Wei Wuxian isn’t there, but maybe they could take a look anyway, to reassure the other clans? Lan Xichen doesn’t even dignify it. Then Jin Guangyao says that they’re all going to band together and do a siege on the Burial Mounds because strange things have been happening there, fierce corpses are roaming, and obviously Wei Wuxian is there and up to no good. Obviously Lan Xichen knows that this is not true since Wei Wuxian has been convalescing at Cloud Recesses. He is fucked up by the fact that Jin Guangyao is lying straight to his face and he really can’t deny it. Jin Guangyao leaves, and Lan Xichen says he’s going to go to Koi Tower, while Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian plan to go to the Burial Mounds.

  Ext, some random cabin [somewhere]

They meet up with Mianmian. She’s got a husband and a daughter and is a badass rogue cultivator. There’s really no point to this scene but it’s nice to see that at least one female character got a happy ending.

Then they meet up with Wen Ning, who’s been trying to scare people away from the area so they don’t encounter the fierce corpses that Jin Guangyao has raised with the yin iron (to make people think Wei Wuxian was doing it). They head to the Burial Mounds together.

  Ext, the Burial Mounds [Yiling]

Wei Wuxian and company find all the juniors tied up in the cave, and they say they were abducted but they’re not sure who was behind it. Then an absolute fuckton of cultivators show up, including Jiang Cheng, Lan Qiren, Su She, and Nie Huaisang (who says he’s just there to make up the numbers). They’re all shouting about how they want Wei Wuxian dead for all the crime he committed last time around. Jin Guangyao’s not there because ‘someone tried to assassinate him’ that morning, and Lan Xichen is tending to his injuries. Wei Wuxian looks extremely skeptical.

Then they get attacked by fierce corpses. The gathered cultivators realize that they’ve all had their spiritual power leached away by ill-gotten means. Ruh-roh! They all end up hiding in the cave.

  Int, the Burial Mounds [Yiling]

Wei Wuxian sits everyone down for an Agatha Christie reveal. He deduces that Su She is the one who took away their spiritual power, by playing malicious music on their way up the mountain. Su She denies it but Wei Wuxian tricks him into revealing that his own power is still intact.

Su She ruins the protection seal and then uses the teleportation talisman and bounces. Wen Ning tries to fight off the horde with some help from the juniors, who still have their spiritual power, but there are too many. Wei Wuxian paints a lure flag on himself and uses himself as bait, with Lan Wangji killing the fierce corpses, so the others can escape. When he catches up, he half-collapses into Lan Sizhui’s arms and Lan Sizhui is really worried about him. It’s cute. Wen Ning looks at Lan Sizhui and realizes he’s actually Wen Yuan.

  Ext, some docks [Yunmeng]

They’re heading back to Lotus Pier to figure out what to do. Wen Ning comes over to talk to Lan Sizhui. The juniors are scared of him but decide he seems harmless enough, and he did just help them fight the horde, after all. He tells Lan Sizhui that he looks like a cousin of his.

The parents tell their kids to stop associating with evil, and the kids tell their parents to get a grip, and it’s beautiful.

  Ext, Lotus Pier [Yunmeng]

Jiang Cheng won’t allow Wei Wuxian in, so he and Lan Wangji hang out on the steps. Wen Ning tells Lan Sizhui stories about the little boy that Wei Wuxian used to plant in the dirt.

  Int, Lotus Pier [Yunmeng]

Some mysterious ladies show up. Jiang Cheng talks to them for a while and then gathers everybody together (although he still makes Wei Wuxian basically stand in the doorway).

Mysterious lady A is a prostitute who was there when Jin Guangshan died. Basically Jin Guangyao had his father fucked to death. It’s gross, although to be fair, couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Then all the prostitutes except her were murdered. (Why she was spared is actually never explained in the show. It’s because she was friends with Jin Guangyao’s mother and was nice to him when he was a kid.)

Mysterious lady B is a maid who worked for Qin Su’s mother. She tells everyone that she wrote the letter to Qin Su, telling her that her mother had a secret. Qin Su is not the daughter of the man she always thought, but was actually conceived during an act of rape by Jin Guangshan. She and Jin Guangyao were half-siblings. It’s strongly implied (although never outright stated if I recall correctly) that their son had some developmental delays because of this and Jin Guangyao had him killed so nobody would find out. He then blamed his son’s death on a sect that was opposing him on some political stuff and wiped them out.

Everyone is Big Time Shook over all this news. They immediately begin calling for Jin Guangyao’s head.

Wei Wuxian is frankly disgusted. Because sure, he thinks Jin Guangyao’s evil and everything, but it’s sickening to him how quickly everyone turns against him, just based on a few rumors – so much like what happened to him. He wants to know where the ladies came from, and why they came forward after so much time has gone by. But in the end he acknowledges that the gathered cultivators being against Jin Guangyao helps him, and he can’t convince them of anything anyway, so whatever.

They go to the ancestral shrine so he can pay his respects to his parents. Jiang Cheng finds him there and picks a big fight. It’s really painful for everyone. After the first couple minutes, Wei Wuxian tries to leave but Jiang Cheng won’t let him go. Wei Wuxian ends up passing out. Lan Wangji tries to leave with him but Jiang Cheng is using the lightning whip to try to stop them.

Wen Ning shows up and he’s pissed. He tells Jiang Cheng the truth about his golden core, in basically the meanest way possible, directly targeting his insecurities with dead accuracy. It’s fucking brutal. Was Jiang Cheng being a dick? Yes. Did he deserve everything that Wen Ning said to him in this scene? Not really, given that it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know. (Does Wen Ning have a right to be pissed at Jiang Cheng on general principle because Jiang Cheng didn’t help him and his family back then? Now we’re getting into the reams of meta that are written about this show.)

Anyway, in telling Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji finally finds out, too. He’s clearly horrified to find out that Wei Wuxian went through something so awful and he didn’t even know. He picks Wei Wuxian up and they leave.

  Ext, a boat [Yunmeng]

Wen Ning gives Lan Wangji the details about the golden core swap. Lan Wangji looks like he wants to cry for an hour. I feel you, Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian wakes up and tells Lan Wangji not to be mad at Jiang Cheng, he’s just a jerk sometimes. He wants to pick lotus seeds but Lan Wangji reminds him that the lake they’re on belongs to someone and so the lotus seeds are private property. Then he picks some and gives them to Wei Wuxian anyway. It’s super romantic. Wen Ning pretends he’s not the world’s thirdest wheel.

  Ext, Yunping City [Yunmeng]

So while Wei Wuxian was in the hidden room, he saw a deed for a temple in this city. They figure it has to be important since it was in Jin Guangyao’s safe, so they go to check it out. It has a weird vibe.

  Ext, Guanyin Temple [Yunmeng]

Literally so much happens in this scene you guys. It’s almost 4 entire episodes long. Let me try to sum up as quickly as possible.

First of all, the show never actually bothers to explain why Jin Guangyao is even here. It’s actually because this is where his mother is buried (and he had the temple built just for that). He’s planning to go on the run because the jig is obviously up, and wants to bring her remains with him. He also wants to get one last date with Lan Xichen in, possibly apologize for ruining everything, et c. Lan Xichen was with him in Koi Tower, and Jin Guangyao tricked him and sealed his spiritual power, then carted him off to the temple. Romance!

Anyway Jin Guangyao doesn’t get that date because literally everybody in the damn story shows up. First Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, for obvious reasons. He has Lan Xichen as a hostage so it’s pretty easy to catch them. Then Jin Ling shows up. Then Su She shows up, which is less problematic since he’s a henchman, but he brought Nie Huaisang with him because he found him passed out in a gutter or something. Jin Guangyao can’t just kill Jin Ling and Nie Huaisang because he still has feelings I guess.

Then Jiang Cheng shows up! He makes a grand entrance and then promptly gets his ass kicked. This is partly because Jin Guangyao tells Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng found out about the golden core thing, which upsets him. Lan Xichen tells everybody not to let Jin Guangyao talk because he’ll manipulate you and get the better of you. Everyone proceeds to let Jin Guangyao talk for the next forty-five minutes.

At some point during all this they confirm that yes, Jin Guangyao sent Jin Zixuan to Qiongqi  Way to get him killed, and that Su She was his accomplice playing the evil music. Su She is also the one who cursed Jin Zixun. Jin Guangyao’s basically like “whatever, I said what I said”.

They finally get the coffin dug up, but instead of Jin Guangyao’s mother, Nie Mingjue’s body, complete with head, is inside. Jin Guangyao has no idea how he got there and he freaks out, which seems reasonable.

Wei Wuxian points out that while Jin Guangyao has been so impressed with himself and neatly manipulated everyone around him, someone has been pulling his strings as well. He points out the letter sent to Qin Su, the emergence of the mysterious ladies at Lotus Pier, the release of the sword spirit at Mo Manor, even his own resurrection. Jin Guangyao freaks out more.

At this point they’ve dicked around long enough for Lan Xichen’s spiritual power to come back. He puts his sword at Jin Guangyao’s throat. Jin Guangyao makes sad ‘you don’t like me anymore?’ eyes at Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen responds ‘dude, you killed, like, everybody’. Jin Guangyao admits that this is a fair rebuttal, but begs his forgiveness and pity anyway. Lan Xichen seems to forget that he literally just told everyone not to let Jin Guangyao talk because he’ll manipulate you.

Then Wen Ning shows up, and he’s been possessed by the sword spirit. He chops Jin Guangyao’s arm off. Ouch. Then he attacks Jin Ling, because the sword is just pissed off about everything, which seems fair. Wen Ning manages to fight off the possession and not kill Jin Ling, so good for him. Wei Wuxian gets the sword suppressed using his awesome mojo.

Lan Sizhui shows up at some point. I really don’t remember why the hell he’s there. Late night field trip?

Nie Huaisang screams that Su She attacked him, and his leg is bleeding. The sword springs right back to angry spiritude and murders Su She. Wei Wuxian is like “wtf I just put you to bed” and has to do it again.

Lan Xichen patches Nie Huaisang up. Everyone else sits around thinking about how truly fucked up the last 2 hours have been, especially Jin Ling, who is really having trouble with realizing one of his uncles was evil and not the one he thought. He is going through it. Meanwhile Jin Guangyao is kind of slumped against a pillar behind Lan Xichen because somehow he is not dead after losing an arm, which seems kind of whack when you consider what killed some of our other characters.

Then Nie Huaisang shouts, “behind you!” and Lan Xichen, assuming that Jin Guangyao is about to attack him, whips around and stabs him through the chest. Double ouch. Jin Guangyao is, understandably, upset at being run through. Nie Huaisang says he had a knife but Jin Guangyao calls bullshit (yes, while being run through, I don’t even know), saying even though he’s done tons of terrible things, he never once hurt Lan Xichen. Meanwhile Lan Xichen is having a complete mental breakdown, standing there with his sword in Jin Guangyao’s chest. Jin Guangyao realizes that Nie Huaisang is the one who orchestrated all this, in revenge after Jin Guangyao killed his brother. Also the angry spirits are back. A lot is happening. The temple starts to collapse. Jin Guangyao asks Lan Xichen to die with him, and it looks like Lan Xichen is going to do so, but then Jin Guangyao pushes him clear at the last second. Lan Wangji grabs him and gets him out of the temple before it collapses.

  Ext, Guanyin Temple [Yunmeng]

Everyone is injured and in various states of shell shock. A ton of people show up and start fussing. Wei Wuxian reveals that the last curse mark from Mo Xuanyu is gone, indicating that Jin Guangyao was the last person Mo Xuanyu was holding a grudge against. (Presumably for throwing him out of the Jin sect and back to his abusive family, which Jin Guangyao presumably did because Mo Xuanyu found out about Qin Su’s parentage, which presumably Nie Huaisang told him. I know, it’s a lot of presuming. I’m trying not to be biased and pass judgment lol.)

Lan Xichen asks Nie Huaisang if Jin Guangyao really had a knife. Nie Huaisang prevaricates rather than answering.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are leaving. Jin Ling asks Jiang Cheng if he doesn’t want to talk to Wei Wuxian before he leaves. Jiang Cheng says everyone is going back to where they belong. He flashes back to just after his parents were killed, when he vanished from the inn, and we see him realize Wei Wuxian was about to get caught and lure the soldiers away. All this time we thought he just wandered off and got captured like an asshole, but no, he was saving Wei Wuxian and never told anybody. In the present, he says ‘take care’ to himself as Wei Wuxian leaves. Five thousand ‘Yunmeng bros reconciliation’ fics spring into existence.

  Ext, the forest [presumably still Yunmeng]

Lan Sizhui approaches Wei Wuxian and tells him what little he’s remembered about his childhood, and that he’s realized his family name used to be Wen. Wei Wuxian realizes that he’s Wen Yuan, and that Lan Wangji saved him back then. It’s super touching and I happy cried, like, so much.

  Ext, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are standing around by the waterfall acting married. Lan Wangji is chief cultivator now. Wei Wuxian has finally figured out how Lan Wangji recognized him even though he was wearing a mask when they first met up again – it’s because the song he was playing is the same song that Lan Wangji sang to him in the cave of the murder turtle. Lan Wangji actually wrote that song just for him and has never played it for anybody else.

Nie Huaisang comes for a visit. Wei Wuxian asks him if he wants to be chief cultivator. Nie Huaisang tells them that no, he was really only in it for the revenge. It’s awkward, especially given all the morally questionable choices Nie Huaisang made while on his revenge quest and the fact that Lan Xichen is super fucked up about everything, but we all hope that they’ll eventually work it out. Or at least I hope that. Your mileage may vary.

  Ext, a mountain [the world]

Wei Wuxian goes off to wander for a little while. The show really makes us think that it’ll end with the two of them splitting up, but then at the very last second they meet again. We all collapse into sobbing, emotional heaps.

 ~end of part 6~

Characters/naming notes, as promised

I use the Mandarin for names and titles in fanfiction because it just reads better. Some of these don’t have an exact translation, so, the original is better, here are the basic terms you need to know:

Zongzhu = sect leader

Gongzi = young master

Furen = madam

Guniang = maiden/miss

Ge = older brother

Jie = older sister

Xiong = kind of like “bro” in a friendly sort of way

Da, Er, San = first, second, third – these are used in conjunction with the above, so “da-ge” is “oldest brother”, “Lan-er-gongzi” is “second young master Lan”

A- = an affectionate diminutive

Wei Wuxian (courtesy name)

Birth name: Wei Ying (only Lan Wangji calls him this)

Title: Yiling-laozu (used mostly in the second half of the show)

Also called: Wei-gongzi (by Lan Xichen, Wen Ning, and assorted others), Wei-xiong (by Nie Huaisang), A-Xian (by Jiang Yanli)

Lan Wangji (courtesy name)

Birth name: Lan Zhan (only Wei Wuxian calls him this)

Title: Hanguang-Jun (by the juniors and various others)

Also called: Lan-er-gongzi (by various characters)

Jiang Cheng (birth name)

Courtesy name: Jiang Wanyin (Lan Wangji calls him this)

Also called: Jiang-gongzi before he’s sect leader, Jiang-zongzhu afterwards, A-Cheng (by Jiang Yanli)

Jiang Yanli (only name given, not specific if birth or courtesy)

Also called: a-jie (by Jiang Cheng), shijie (by Wei Wuxian), Jiang-guniang (by pretty much everyone else)

Lan Xichen (courtesy name)

Birth name: Lan Huan, but nobody uses this

Title: Zewu-Jun (most people use this)

Also called: Lan-zongzhu (I think a few people use this instead of his title), xiongzhang (by Lan Wangji, this is a formal word for older brother), er-ge (by Jin Guangyao)

Wen Qing (only name given, birth)

Also called: Wen-guniang (by Jiang Cheng), jiejie or just jie (by Wen Ning)

Wen Ning (birth name)

Courtesy name: Wen Qionglin (used very rarely)

Title: Ghost General (never used to his face, I don’t think)

Also called: A-Ning (by Wen Qing)

Nie Huaisang (only name given, courtesy)

Also called: Nie-xiong (by Wei Wuxian), Nie-gongzi (by assorted others)

Nie Mingjue (only name given, courtesy)

Title: Chifeng-Zun (called this by many people)

Also called: Nie-zongzhu (by Meng Yao and others), Mingjue-xiong (by Lan Xichen), da-ge (by Nie Huaisang, then later by Lan Xichen and Meng Yao)

Jin Zixuan (only name given, courtesy)

Also called: Jin-gongzi (by most people)

Meng Yao (birth name)

Later in series, courtesy name: Jin Guangyao (used commonly)

Title: Lianfang-Zun (used occasionally)

Also called: A-Yao (by Lan Xichen), Xiandu (after he becomes Chief Cultivator), Jin-zongzhu at some point probably

Hoo boy all. That was a lot, huh? “I’ll write a brief summary,” she said. 20 thousand words later ... but this was as condensed as I could make it without it reading too disjointedly! So I hope you’ve all enjoyed and that this will help those of you who want to plunge into the fandom but didn’t have the time or the spoons for the show itself. 

If you have any questions about something that wasn’t clear or a part of the story you want more detail on, feel free to ask me anything!

Love y’all!

[leah-halliwell92]

Princeling

Summary: After seeing what the Dursley’s are when it comes to Muggles, Professor Minerva McGonagall makes the judgement call to take Harry in before the worse can happen.

Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4 – Part 5 – Part 6

Previously:

Mother and son cried as lost memories were returned and what could have been was lost. But one thing was certain neither of them were going to play into the same trap twice. And Minerva was in the mind of killing whoever decided it was a good idea to take her boy from her again.

Part VII

Aberforth stood to give the newly reunited mother and son some space and wondered over to where the medical goblins were treating Harry. 

“They babe has a nasty thing from that,” the small one said pointing to his scar, “Not to worry though, we can take it out with no harm done to him.”

Aberforth nodded in thanks and sat by the babe’s side.

Harry smiled showing off his four teeth causing Abe to smile back.

“May I hold his hand?” He asked the head goblin.

“No harm shall befall you,” she stated sharply before softening at the sight of the babe and said, “You may sooth him now. But be prepared to move away when the time comes.”

Aberforth nodded in understanding and reached for his boy. 

“You are a strong lad aren’t you,” he said soothingly, “Your mother loved you very much my young lad as did your dad. I swear to you my dear boy that you will not grow alone or unattended. You will be cared for, protected and above all loved.”

Harry looked at Aberforth as he spoke, as if he could understand what he was saying. 

Aberforth ran his free hand gently over Harry’s head keeping him calm as the goblins prepared what is needed. 

“My brother has made many mistakes in his life,” he said mournfully, “But this...leaving you alone for a service that is not yours to complete is unacceptable.”

The more he spoke, the sleepier Harry felt. In hindsight that is good, this way completing the ritual would begin without much fuss.

“The soul fragment has yet to latch onto his core,” the head medical goblin said, “Fortunately, his mother’s protection has kept him safe thus far from the fragment’s webbing.”

Aberforth had paled considerably upon the information that the goblin had given. A soul fragment? Then that would mean that V–he had gone ahead and made a horcrux for himself. 

He nodded at the goblin and moved away once Harry had fallen asleep.

“The ritual will be trying but swift, as was said, the fragment has not yet tied itself to the babe’s core,” she placed crystals of varying colors around Harry, “The extraction shall cause discomfort so I suggest you remain where he can see you.”

“I’ll take it from here Aberforth,” he heard Severus say voice clipped tone cold. If Aberforth had been anyone else, he’d have thought that Severus was being deliberately rude. But he saw the red in and around the young man’s eyes, the weariness that has set itself in his shoulders and the barely concealed pain that he might lose something he hadn’t known he needed. 

Aberforth nodded placing a supportive hand on Severus’ shoulder as he passed him by. 

He took his place beside a despondent Minerva who was staring into the fireplace. 

“Why would he do this Abe?” Minerva asked voice thick with tears, “Why would someone who claimed to be my friend and whom I spent years confiding in do something like this?”

Aberforth felt his chest tighten, and he didn’t know how to answer her. He had no answer for any of her question. He wished he did then maybe her could help her heal without confronting Albus. 

“He did it because he saw a chance and took it,” Severus said unforgivingly, “He saw a lost boy who’d gained a family after years of abuse and thought, “well he is a good candidate for what I have planned”, and proceeded to tear lives apart.”

Aberforth had to admit, Severus has him there. However, he knew that no matter how powerful his brother is there is no way Albus could have planned such a plan without some...visual help. He decided to keep that to himself for the time being and focused on keeping calm for all parties present. 

“It has begun,” the medical goblin said. And no sooner had she said it, Severus fell to his knees clutching at his arm.

Minerva and Aberforth stood and were about to go to Severus when the head goblin that was with them stopped them with a clawed hand. 

Another medical goblin came out of nowhere to examine Severus’ arm. 

“His mark is fighting the ritual,” they said, “It will be painful but not impossible to remove.”

The goblins set to work to replicate what they’d done with Harry to Severus, maybe killing two birds with one stone as they went. 

Aberforth and Minerva remained where they were not knowing how to react or help. Minerva looked on helplessly tears falling as she saw the pain her boy was going through. The couple thanked Merlin knowing the goblins had placed a sleeping charm on Harry as they did their jobs.

“Calm pet,” Aberforth said taking her in his arms, “He is a strong one our boy, he will make it through this.”

“I hope so Abe, if not you’ll be looking to make arrangements for your brother’s funeral,” Minerva said eyes alight with fire.

/00//00//

A/N: Like and reblog if you enjoyed reading!! Let me know if you want to be tagged.

Tag list: @disneymarina @hoefordarkness @thebeautyofdisorder @lets-talk-about-claes-baby @toooftenobsessed @smailaway @lady-sigyn, @therealcountdracula1931  @lokiisbrucebanner @197863451  @miranak @nanasoo @thehallowsden @yangaiko @girldxckcentral @littlemessyjessi @glamrockmonarch @the-life-and-times-of-a-nerd @hellosweetyspoilers @littleladybaker​

[crazy-bi-btch]

Exploring ( Sweet Pea X Reader)

Summary: Sweet Pea and Y/n have a dirty secret that can lead to trouble.

Paring: Sweet Pea X Reader

Warning: NSFW, MA, smutttt like alottt, light BDSM

Word count: 5k

A/N: Okay  so this was a request from a long time ago and i like how it started so I want to make a second part to it! Hope yall like it!

-Present time-

“ We need to talk!” Cheryl grabbed my arm, pulling me into the nearest empty classroom. I flinched as she pressed on the fresh bruise. Her eyes widened, “ Take the jacket off!”

I sneered, “ Damn, Cheryl— don’t think Toni would like that.” She glared at me and I caved in. That's it. Our secret will be brought out by Ms. Cheryl blossom. I told Sweet Pea, not to leave a noticeable mark. But of course, this is Sweat Pea I’m talking about. Shit. I annoyingly took my serpent coat off and Cheryl’s eyes widened and a small gasp left the poor girl.

Now how the hell do I tell her that the serpent that is the most trouble in the gang is secretly fucking me behind everyone’s back.

“ Jesus! Y/n What the actual—” 

“ I can explain.” I rush over to her to coax her from making a big fuss. She was furious. I mean she’s the biggest feminist I know beside Betty and Veronica.

“ Did the ghoulies do this to you! WHO DID THIS! IS THIS THE BOY—” I clamped my hand over her loud ass mouth. 

“Shhh!” She mumbled under my mouth and rolled her eyes crossing her arms. 

“ No one beat me up! It’s this boy—”

“Is he hurting you because I can send some serpents, his way!” She practically stomped, her frown very visible. I sheepishly remembered every single bruise and mark and how they were made.

“ It’s...a sex...thing” I mumbled avoiding her glare, she clearly couldn’t hear me.

“Huh?” Her arms crossed and an annoyed face pressuring me to spill my truth.

“ God dammit Cheryl I’m having kinky sex..” I whisper-shouted, a blush invading me as I heard myself admit it. 

She looked like she was about to faint. “ That-” she pointed wide-eyed, I nodded, pulling the coat over my bruised arms. She turned around, rubbing her temples.

“ With who? And what the hell is wrong with you! It looks so-” I cocked my eyebrow at her

“Painful?” 

“ YES!” She exclaimed concerned, I giggled softly.

“ Don’t kink shame me Cheryl Blossom because I know damn well you and Toni go all 50 shades of gray.” She blushed but was ready to counterattack like always.

“ But I don’t bruise her— visibly!” She pointed out again, I sighed and hugged her.

“ Look, I know you’re concerned… but I’m fine... We have a safeword and it's fun!” I reassured her as she hugged back.

“ Okay… I trust you! But I don’t know about him. Who is he?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows at me. I smirked at her. 

“ That’s a secret I’ll never tell..” I giggled and ran out the classroom, but not before hearing her classic  groan of annoyance.

-48 hours before-

Saturday. It was finally here! Your phone rang, waking you up from your deep slumber.

“Fuckkk…” I groaned, half asleep as I blindly looked for my annoying phone.” Hello.”

“Hey.” My stomach flipped and my eyes shot open. Sweet Pea.

“ Hey.” I smiled softly as his voice gave me the energy and brightness enough for the day. Then I realized, today is our ‘appointment’.

“ Just decided to call you and let you know I’m excited for today.” The smirk in his voice is practically oozing. I rolled my eyes playfully.

“ Oh really? What is so special today?” I acted coy with a hint of playfulness, his demeanor fell as his voice cracked. 

“ Don’t play with me y/n.” He hissed softly into the phone, it sent a shock straight to my core. I bit my lip. 

“ Sorry Pea...I can’t meet with you today. I have another meeting with someone else tonight.” I teased, laying back into my pillows like a cliche teenage girl in a teen-drama movie.

He groaned, clearly angry, “ Who the fuck….— In a minute Fangs! I swear to god y/n if your fucking someone else.”

“ Yeah I am….and he takes very good care of me… he’s my daddy..” I edged him even more, the game suddenly starting now. The small sigh and chuckle that he released gave my heart a kick. He was jealous.

“ He sure does huh?” He teased  his voice suddenly deeper and lower. “ I have a surprise for you tonight. More like a gift.” Then the background noise became more noticeable.

“ Oh really?” I questioned—suddenly curious,  he then changed the subject signaling Fangs and the others were around.

“ Yes, Doug, 6:00pm I know! You and your stupid stash. See you then.” Sweet Pea gloated with laughs of the boys echoing through,” You better pay up a little more than last time.” The last part was definitely for me. Then he hung up. 

I squealed in excitement as I tossed and turned in bed. It sucked being friends with benefits, in secret may I add. It’s extremely hard and exhausting, but we knew that. We both found that in sex we weren’t getting what we wanted. We weren’t fulfilled. So on a drunk night as we were the last up in the trailer as everyone else was passed out drunk. We played a stupid game.

Flashback

“ Never have I ever faked an orgasm.” Sweet Pea slurred, laughing at nothing, barely able to sit still. 

“ Shhh! Be quiet! Umm… Yes I have!” I stifled a giggle as my finger fell from the rest that were propped up.

“Ohh I want to know!” He teased taking another swing of his beer. I pretended to zip my mouth and throw the key making us laugh.

“ My turn, Never have I ever wanted to try something new in bed.” I giggled like a 13 year old as I slurred it out. Pea shrugged and put his finger down. I exaggerated a gasp pointing at his finger.

“ Sweet Pea is kinky!” I laughed but shushed myself.(Very drunk may I add) “ Me too!” I exclaimed. And we both fell silent as we both stared at our 3 fingers remaining up.

“Never Have I ever wanted to be tied up during sex.” His voice serious and dark. And I was suddenly quiet. 2 fingers were left.

“ Never have I ever wanted her to call me daddy.” I sighed out, praying for him to drop a finger. If not then that would be embarrassing. But his finger fell.

“Never Have I ever wanted to be choked.” His signature smirk came out as he realized his power over me now. I was left with one finger. I gulped.

“ Never Have I ever wanted to fuck my bestfriend.” I croaked out, both of our expressions falling. His finger fell. “ We’re tied.” I sighed as I stared at his lips. He gulped and put his hand down, ending the game. Our eyes say everything. We wanted this….bad. 

In an instant we both crawled toward each other meeting in a fiery kiss, breaking the innocent friendship we had and entering a whole new dimension. 

End flashback

We snuck around, doing all of our deepest fantasies. We were exploring our sexual fantasies. BDSM, nothing bad with that right? Except that it was ruining our friendships around us. We were lying to them. Making them believe we have suddenly become enemies. That we couldn’t stand each other in public, at times hurting each other's feelings.

My trailer was farther to the sides from our friends trailer which made it easy for Sweet Pea to come to me. Plus, I had to put soundproof padding in my trailer room, my excuse for when friends came over. “I’m working on my singing career from home.” They believed it. 

Boys were too afraid to hurt me, or not be hard enough. But Sweet Pea… He lived for that. We fit perfectly. 

I finally decided all that overthinking and reminiscing was not gonna keep me as excited. Unless, I looked for the old iphone in my drawer where we kept our...videos. We filmed moments but only on this old phone and it NEVER leaves my drawer. We vowed it was for us but mostly for me when things happen and we can’t meet up.

I logged into it, opening the photos and started looking through all the different videos. One was that one time on Valentine’s day when he got me a new toy. It was cute and simple, but the ribbon that tied the box was long enough for my wrist to tied together also. That night was rough, safeword was used once because he didn’t let me come for the 4th time! The way he degraded and fucked my on camera seemed to always trigger those vivid memories for moments like these.

Just as I was about to pull my pants down and ease my ache, my phone dang—cutting my mood. 

SP: Red or Blue?

That was a strange message.

Y/n: Red? Why

SP: you’ll find out ;)

Okay now this was gonna kill me! 

I went on with my day cleaning the trailer, taking a shower and shaving, taking my birth control (Sweet pea pays for it and also plan B for just-in-case moments) and finishing any homework I know I will not do tomorrow because I will be too sore to do. It was 4pm and I was feeling bored out of my mind. Usually he comes earlier so we can actually do friend stuff like hang out and watch a movie but today was different. I decided to change into a cute red lace set since he did ask what color I wanted. I did light makeup and curled my hair. 

“ Damn, I look fuckable ass fuck.” I commented as I saw my reflection. Some light green on my thighs from the previous week slowly fading. A quick idea popped into my head.It would piss him off, but it would be good to let him know. I took my phone and texted.

Y/n: Wyd?

SP: Doing some serpent stuff, missing me already?

I scoffed at his cocking response.

Y/N: Maybe… Anyone around you??

SP: No...I’m in the truck waiting for them? Why?

 I jumped up in excitement and positioned myself by the mirror in the perfect angle to get a glance at everything pretty much. He’s gonna be furious… but I won’t mind. I made sure to send them quickly. Sitting down in anticipation.

Sweet Pea stared at his phone after not getting a response, it made him a little suspicious and antsy for the boys to hurry from the daily drop off service. But when he saw two pictures pop out, his vein by his temple was practically about to pop. She knew the risks. What if he wasn’t alone? They would have seen! And bam no more sex. He locked his phone and honked 4 times and the boys came running out ready to leave.

“ Yoooo Sweet’s what's the rush!” Fangs and the other laughed, he sternly glared at them.

“ I got shit to handle so can we go!” Fangs nodded but stifled a laugh as they drove away.

He didn’t respond! What the hell. He may be too busy. I decided to wear an oversized shirt and walk to the living room where I watched Friends pass the time. Then my phone rang. It was Sweet Pea.

SP: You're in trouble.

My heart raced, I got up and ran to the room making sure to get everything out, lube, handcuffs, ribbon. I sat on the bed leg shaking slightly. Then I heard the familiar steps that led up to my trailer door. His spare key twisted into the lock. Just in time. The butterflies in my stomach flutter all the way down to my thighs and core. He came in taking his boots and coat off. His footsteps coming towards the room. And I froze putting the best puppy eye dog eyes that would not save me. His face was serious, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. 

“ Hi.” I sheepishly spoke. I took a deep breath.

“ You know what you did was risky, right?” He barked, I got up making my way towards him, but he backed up slightly. 

“ I’m sorry.. I thought since you said you were alone...I missed you.” I crossed my arms defeated and looked down at the floor. Maybe what I did was out of line. Fuck this isn’t a relationship where you can send nudes Y/n! These were dick appointments, that's it!

I sighed defeated, “ If you wanna reschedule that’s fine… It was out of line—” I turned away from him only to be yanked up against him.

 His hot breath fanning against mine, a bruising hold on both my arms.” Why would I pass up the opportunity to punish you.” Just like that, I was putty in his hands. Like always. He made sure to forcefully take the oversized shirt off throwing it somewhere, to reveal what the photos told him. He watched as I stood flustered, shocked, and blush red. His hot gaze is enough to get me going. He sat at the edge of my bed and pulled out a small box from his leather jacket. It was black. He signed for me to get closer so I did. I towered over him slightly as he handed the box a smirk on his face. I eyed the box suspiciously.

“ Open it.” He urged so I did. My mouth fell open slightly. It was a red butt plug. What the fuck. I looked at him dead in the eyes.

“ I know you said you weren’t ready for anal...but I thought this would help ease us in. Literally.” he chuckled darkly. I was speechless. It was hot, and uncomfortable to think that it would end up...there. I sighed shakily. He caught on to my nervousness.

“ Remember at any time you can stop me.” He reassured, making me smile softly. Besides the sex, he always was my friend never pushing me to do anything I didn’t want. I nodded and took it and placed it by the nightstand where the lube and other stuff were. I walked back easing my way to straddle his lap and take his leather jacket off. Our gaze is soft and friendly for now.

“ I’m sorry again you know.” I sighed my hands working on any knots in his shoulders, his eyes fluttered shut as he relaxed under her. Deep down Sweet pea would be a sub for her if it meant it started with massages. 

“ It's fine.” He sighed, seeing him vulnerable for a brief moment made me ache and even more wet than I was. I pushed my body fully up against his, arms draping around his neck. His eye opened to meet my dark ones. My hips grounded down on him, “ I’m ready.” I sighed, that was enough for Pea to grab her hips forcefully gripping them down to make her feel the hard-on she caused. 

“ You made me hard in the fucking truck,” He made one of his arm free to hold her chin forcefully to make her stare at him while he spoke. Y/N yelled softly as she tried to keep her eyes from rolling back as he rutted his hips towards her. “ I couldn’t get out of the truck, I had to drop them off.” 

“ That was the plan daddy.” I moaned, making him growl in frustration. He pushed me off him, hand in my hair as he yanked me to the mirror where I took the pictures. It was a long full body mirror by my bed. His body flush against my back, one arm still in my hair and the other racking his ringed up fingers against my skin. 

“ You’re gonna look at yourself, and learn why you don’t tease me.” His lips on my neck as his finger roughly yanks the lace bra cup down, making me squeal. The electric feeling as his cold finger massaged my breast made me dizzy.

“ Pea…” I sighed rolling my eyes back, head limp against his shoulder. His grip on my hair wakes me from my bliss.

“ Look!” He barked, making my goosebumps jump out, his neck went back to work. His arm slowly going back but skimming down to where I needed him the most. I knew he wasn’t going to give it to me that easy. “ Please...Daddy” I whimpered as he barely grazed the skin on my thighs. He bit harder on my neck as he pushed his leg between my thighs, hand dipping into my core. I let out a shaky gasp as he went straight for my clit.

“Fuck.” I gasped watching as his fingers teasingly moved circles around it. My hand reached to cover his for support, for once he didn’t intervene.  And the other reached to his hard on that was covered but prominent against me. Pea couldn’t help but let her touch him, he watched as her hooded eyes watched as he slowly touched her. But the moment her hand gripped his hand he yanked it away and tsked her. He walked away from her taking his shirt off.

I stood stunned and breathless, the ache only growing by the minute. I turned around and followed him by removing the rest of the bra. And pried at his muscular back. Kissing it softly wrapping my arms around him.

“ You just don’t know when to keep your hands to yourself now.” The ribbon in his hands as he turned around. Fuck. With one shove I was on the bed with Pea crawling up to tie my wrists together above my head. 

“ C’mon Pea…” I whined as my hips bucked towards him for any friction, fuck was it painful. He smirked down at me.

“ You  know that's not how it works right?” I groaned in annoyance. His face came down close to hers as his hands wrapped around her thighs and as pulling her flush against him again. 

“ Pea kiss me or so help me—” His mouth was instantly on mine, nothing fluff about it. open , hot kisses as my hips wildly looked for him. His hand suddenly smacked my ass leaving a deep red print.

“ Shit-” I cried against him, his mouth moving against my jaw, his tongue leaving a hot trail down to the valley of my bare breasts. I resisted against the restraints as his ringed fingers and mouth attacked my breast.

“ Your squirming even before I touch you, you're so needy.” He laughed against my skin. I blushed madly arching my back towards him.” Answer.” He hissed, as his hand rubbed hard and rough circles against my clit. I bit my lip trying to talk.

“ Yes..ugh...Daddy..fuckkk” I moaned loudly as his pattern quickened and his finger flicked my nipple. The overstimulation nearly brought me to the edge, he watched me from above how breathlessly I squirmed, threw my head back and clamped my thighs around him. Just as I felt the brink, he pulled away. I whimpered out in pain, feeling empty again. Sweet Pea made sure to leave any mark all over her body avoiding her whimpers and cries for his actions. His fingers plunging into her abruptly, at a vicious pace that made her scream. He made sure to stare right at her as she exchanged glances to his actions and his wicked smile. “ You want hard, rough? That’s what you want right?” he spat gritting his teeth as he felt her wall clench and contract against his fingers.

“ Oh my goddd…. YES!” I screamed staring deep into his evil eyes, “ Daddy harder please!” My head thrashing back as I felt my legs convulse and shake. I wanted to come so bad, and the wet sounds that came out of me were not helping. My fingers were placed on the covers as they remain tied up above me. “ Not yet.” He whispered softly against the shell of my ear as he stopped again. I shivered as my body tried to recover from another withdrawal, eyes shut in pain as my clit throbbed from lack of release.” Please….Please.” Tears at the brim of my eyes, searching into his for a little bit of mercy. He only ignored me and turned me around chest into the mattress and ass up. The lube coming in contact with my asshole sending a jolt up my spine. At this point anything that would give me some pleasure was acceptable. Pea made sure to adjust my wrist and tie them again against my back, and my face on the mattress. He then kissed my head as the tip of the plug made contact with me. I hissed softly as he slowly pushed it in. Surprisingly, It wasn’t as bad as I thought. 

I sighed as I felt somewhat full as it sat in me. “ Damn baby.” He mumbled, I could practically picture his face. All flustered and vulnerable at her position and gleaming core. 

Not long after his hands held my tied arms in a tight grip as he grinned against me.” mhm.’” one hand constantly smacking my ass till my buttcheek felt numb. I really won’t be able to sit tomorrow. “ You're such a slut begging for me… for this… Can’t even wait till I get home.” He seethed as his rough jeans rubbed perfectly against me and the plug. 

I moaned loudly, “ Pea fuck me please! Anything I promise you anything but fuck me please!” I yelled in frustration as I tried wiggling my hips to get any extra friction. He grunted in defeat and practically sighed in relief as I heard his belt unbuckled and the bed suddenly becoming light behind me. I tried looking around to see him, but only his hand made sure to push me further into the mattress. “ You wanted this, so take it!” He roughly shoved himself into me with no warning, a loud gasp ripping through me followed by a choked moan. His size always felt like the first time, painful and blissful at the same time. “ FUCK!” Pea moaned as he steadied his hips as he made sure to feel that moment, being deep in her, ass up, red ribbon around her wrists like a present, shit it was perfect. He pulled out and back in bruisingly fast, hands back on her arms.

“ Shit shit shit!” I screamed out my eyes shut as he hit the right spot constantly but grazed the plug as he pulled out.

“ You look….so gorgeous right now fuck.” He grunted as Pea focused on not coming anytime soon but rather feeling every inch tighten around him. Just for him. Only making his grip on her arms terribly harder. The pain and pleasure as he bruisingly fucked her from behind only made her squeeze her eyes shut, her mouth wide as she felt the familiar knot about to explode. 

“ I’m going to cum! Holy shit please Pea let me cum pleaseee!” I begged as Pea made sure to rub hard and fast fingers against her clit. 

“ Come on baby, take it, squirt for me baby.” The profanities and the way his voice and body worked around her did just what he asked.

“ Shit shit shit!” I cried out as my legs shook and fluid leaked out around Pea’s finger.

“Fuck.” He growled and made sure to keep fucking her through her orgams, nearing her to the next one. 

I screeched softly and huffed as he kept his bruising pace, “ Pea oh my gawd Don’t stop! Fuck me!” Sweet Pea practically came then and their but pulled out to control himself. 

“ No, NO!” I cried as my wrist withered to pull him back. Pea shakily sighed, stroking himself softly. He watched as she squirmed and whimpered trying to be set loose. He untied her wrist sending a buzzing feeling of excitement through her as she propped herself only for a second. Pea made sure to pull her around by her hair. “ You really are prettier all tied up, huh.” He teased. 

I widened my eyes, “ No! Not again!” I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a kiss and flush against my hot skin. The feeling of his skin against her finger pads was heavenly. It was rare to be able to touch him, and when he let her, she loved it. Her mouth on his hungrily as her hips bucked against his hard on. Pea grunted against her mouth, his hands moving from her breast where he quickly pulled on her red nipples and down to her bruised hips. “ You won’t be able to walk for a week baby girl.” He whispered as he teasingly rubbed against my swollen nerve. A weak moan only for a response. He slipped in easily and then faster, digging his mouth onto my neck as I scratched his shoulders. “ Ohhh, Yes….Mmmm” I moaned wrapping my legs around his waist as he pounded so hard into me, practically into the mattress. 

Pea made sure to come up to see her face as she practically cried at her second painful release. Seeing her silently watch in awe as her eyes rolled back, it brought him to the edge.

“ Come on cum with me, Come on!” Pea yelled his chin forcing her to look at his furious face, only adding to her orgasm. Pea made sure to keep his pace as she yelled his name and tears ripped through her as she threw her head back. As she saw white, Pea went balls deep and stayed in as he came in her, his groans and moans muffled into her neck. She made sure that with the little bit of energy to wrap her fingers into his damp hair, easing him down from his own high. Pea made sure to pin her arms away from him, scaring her slightly at his abrupt move.

“ I’m not done with you.” He made his way down to her core, instantly going to her almost numb and in pain clit. 

I hissed as his lips and tongue wrapped around me. I didn’t have the strength to cum again, I almost wanted to call the safe word just for my sake to rest but the way Sweet Pea looked up at her, in between her thighs. Pea knew exactly how to make her cum and he wanted to see her cum underneath him all over again. “ Shit...Fuck.” My hands grabbed handfuls of the sheets as I rocked my hips against his hot mouth and tongue. 

To make matters worse, he purposely groaned and hummed against me, I never felt like cuming so fast in the times being with Pea. Each time he knew her better enough to get her on edge in seconds. His hand made sure to hold down painfully hard on her hips as she chanted his name.

“ Yes...Yes yes yes!” I back arched and watched in awe as his tongue did wonders, followed by his thumb that flicked and rubbed so hard I lost track of time. Pain ripped through my abdomen to my core, ready for a painful orgasm. It was so much. “ Pea! I can’t I-” I cried and sure enough my body cracked under him, fluid squirting out as tears fell out and high pitched moans echoed into the room. Pea pulled himself up to watch her tears stained cheeks, suddenly nervous it was too much. “Hey, Are you okay?” His soft voice made me crane my neck back to see his worried face, with a wet face may I add. I smiled weakly and wiped his cheek with my thumb. “ You are unbelievable Sweet Pea.” He smirked laying next to her as they both sighed. 

I was exhausted not wanting to move or speak. Just stare at the ceiling and acknowledge how great her body felt, for now. 

“ Wait I have to take something—” His hand pulling my ass to the side, “ Relax, I don’t wanna hurt you.” I scoffed but was cut short by the feeling of the plug coming out. I hissed softly and turned back around on my back.

“ I should get you a bath running before I leave.” Pea said as he kissed my semi wet cheek and got up to find his clothes. I watched as he pulled on his underwear and jeans and disappeared into the bathroom. I was smiling. At him. Here I was catching feelings over something we told ourselves was nothing serious. I pushed myself up to distract myself only to be extremely sore. I tried propping myself up to walk to the bathroom only to fall on my knees in pain. He really fucked me till I couldn't walk. I burst out laughing making Sweet Pea walk back into the room extremely confused. 

“ Come help me up weirdo!” He went over to pick her up but just ended up carrying her bridal style. He laughed as she groaned but laughed also. 

This was nice, their company and well the sex also. Sweet knew that it was temporary and he reminded himself that everyday. Deep down he was a romantic, and he knew his soulmate was out there. But for now he just wanted to explore himself a little more and who else to help than his best friend. He hated leaving her after, something in him told him to stay, but he was enough of a gentleman to know that staying would only send mixed signals and ruin everything. So he stuck to the plan.

“ Well, I’m gonna head out, and I’m sorry if I went overboard—” Pea flinched as he saw the bruises show up around my arms and legs, the water instantly healing some pain. I sighed sinking deeper into the tub. Pea kneeled next to me, waiting for some goodbye gesture. I looked at him smiling, “ It was great, plus I'll be fine...but,” I held his hand that rested on the side of the tub. “ Can you stay...to hang out?” I watched his reaction change from content to flustered. It’s insane that friendship intimacy was weird to us but seeing each other naked wasn’t. 

He coughed and looked at his clock, “ I don’t know—”

I patted his hand, “ Pea it’s fine, it was just and offer.” I casually played it off, waiting for his response even though it did hurt to see him turn me down. He stood up and sighed in defeat. “ How about this. I have to do some stuff to do with fangs for a night delivery, and if everything goes smoothly...I’ll crash with you.” He looked down at my surprised face. He chuckled at my silent response.

 “ Oh- Yeah sure! Sounds good.” I cooly said somehow suddenly interested in the bath water. 

“ Alright see you later!” I said before leaving entirely with the sound of the door closing, I sat in the water somehow happy but nervous that he easily accepted my offer. I giggled to myself, but was cut short by my sore body.

“ Fuck, this is more painful than my Serpent initiation trial.” I mumbled softly. 

Somehow I managed to get out of the bath, with wobbly legs, and into my soft pj pants and tank top. It was 8 pm, my eyes sleepy and my body tired. I laid in the wrinkled up bed, forgetting that someone would be coming back. 

[odetogyus]

ropes

↳pairing/s: boyfriend!seungcheol x fem!reader (w/ ceo!jaebeom on the side)

↳genre: angst

↳warnings: slight suggestive content, profanity, mentions of infidelity, mentions of death

↳song: apologize by timbaland

✎author's note: not my best work but this oneshot has been sitting in my notes for the longest time, and after hours of contemplating on whether or not I should post my works here.. well, I finally gave in. hope you find this, and I hope it makes you feel something.

—

It's been almost a year.

It's been almost a year since the last time she woke up next to him.

It's been almost a year since the last time he came home to her.

It's been almost a year.

Since the last time they kept their promise to each other.

“Seungcheol, don’t you ever break my heart. Don’t you dare break me.”

"The day I hurt you, is the day I die with the regret of breaking your heart, Y/N."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

But, Choi Seungcheol most definitely did not die with the regret of breaking her heart.

Instead, he watched her suffer from a good distance until she nearly lost everything– breaking from the inside out, with the regret of loving him.

—

The media and pretty much the entire country loved them as a couple, and after "careful" consideration, the two agreed that it would be best for the both of them to remain in the relationship– but just for show. And since Seungcheol believed that he had the upper-hand in the relationship, he paid little to no attention to his lover's feelings or opinions– leaving her with nothing but the name tag “Choi Seungcheol's Girlfriend”, highlighted in bold colours attached invisibly on her sleeve.

Their shared apartment was nothing but hollow bones and haunted memories.

Y/N L/N, who ended up keeping their once shared apartment after weeks of thinking about her boyfriend’s offer for her to stay, was tightly bound to shackles– the shackles that were everything Choi Seungcheol.

Being an editor for a men’s magazine had its perks, but Y/N never truly delved into the hole of the unfaithful. Well.. not yet, at least.

Meanwhile, Choi Seungcheol– full-time idol, rapper, and producer, lounged at his new place–an apartment unit right next to the one he once shared with his girlfriend. If you could even call her that.

Nothing seemed to bother the superstar other than the fact that he had to make tough choices every night when it came to who he was going to sleep with, and how long he would keep her around.

But, everything changes.

And they weren’t ready for that.

—

The photographers swarmed around the newly promoted editor-in-chief of the famous print, Men's Health Korea.

A tight body-con dress in fiery red hugged her body in all the right places. With her hair down and styled in loose waves, a sexy neutral lip, red bottoms, and a 6-figure designer handbag, no one would ever think that the glamorous and beloved Y/N L/N was a prisoner in her own relationship.

Except for one person.

Men's Health Korea's boss, and the youngest CEO in the editorial industry–the conglomerate son, Lim Jaebeom.

Standing next to each other at the podium set up right outside their headquarters, CEO Lim addressed Ms. Y/N L/N's promotion with so much passion and admiration.

“There is no one more deserving..” the CEO bit his lip and paused, staring lovingly at the beautiful woman beside him, racking his brain for words to say about his new editor-in-chief. “Than our lovely Ms. Y/N L/N. Congratulations! I cannot wait to work with the best of the best. Please give her love and wish her the best of luck. Thank you, everyone!"

And with that, the woman of the hour graced everyone with her presence by saying a few words of gratitude to the attendees of the surprise, and very last minute press-con.

“Wow.. I can’t really thank everyone enough for coming. I know that this was organized at the very last minute, but I would like to thank you all for coming. To my staff, my team, we did it. To every single employee working for Men's Health Korea, we did well. And to my boss, my CEO– our CEO, Mr. Lim, thank you for trusting me. I am looking forward to working right beside you from now on. Again, thank you all for coming! Please wish me luck, thank you so much."

Reporters and photographers from various media outlets desperately tried to get the CEO and the EIC's attention, and as expected from the ever charismatic and generous man that he was, Lim Jaebeom happily obliged to answer a few questions.

And.. maybe, he shouldn’t have.

But what was there to stop him?

He had nothing to lose.

But another man sure had.

—

Watching the news was never important to him, but it was now– after seeing another man stare at his girlfriend the way he used to.

Quickly grabbing the remote control next to him to put the volume all the way up, Seungcheol froze in place while his playmate from the night before straddled his lap, leaving dirty bites on his neck for breakfast.

Listening carefully, the celebrity’s eyes and ears never left the screen– his mind going through a million things by the minute.

Reporter: Mr. Lim, could you tell us a bit about the turning point for you in regards to Ms. L/N's promotion? And.. do you have a girlfriend at the moment, Sir? The people would like to know.

CEO Lim: Well, Y/N– I'm sorry, Ms. L/N– has been working for Men's Health Korea for 5 years now, and I have to admit, that I have never seen or met someone with the same drive as her when it comes to writing articles. She's truly an asset to the company, and to me.

Reporter: Mr. Lim, you have yet to answer the last question.. in regards to your dating life. Also, you referred to Ms. L/N as your asset. What exactly do you mean by that? And, a question for Ms. L/N, the press would like to know about your current relationship status. Your long-time boyfriend, Choi Seungcheol, was not present at today’s press-con, nor have we seen the two of you around together. Have you two called it quits?

At that very moment, Choi Seungcheol found himself in complete distress. Not only was his girlfriend being undressed and devoured by another man’s gaze, but their real relationship status was also at risk.

CEO Lim: Ah, yes. You're a quick one, aren’t you? Ms. L/N is an asset to me because let’s be honest here, shall we? If you’re ever in the same position as I am.. you know– blessed to know and work with someone as hardworking, bright, genuine, supportive, beautiful, and kind– would you not think of that person as an asset? Think about it.

Members of the press whispered amongst themselves and agreed with the CEO's positive remarks about his chief editor.

But the man in apartment unit 17 was not having it. He wasn’t ready to face the truth, and he wasn’t ready to lose her.

He just wasn’t ready for anything at all.

Reporter: Thank you, Mr. Lim. Ms. L/N? Would you like to answer the question?

Praying hard that his girlfriend would not reveal the truth about their status, SEVENTEEN's leader, Choi Seungcheol, felt his eyes prickle with tears as his old lover rose to the podium once more to finally answer the questions asked by the press.

“Please.. don’t,” Seungcheol muttered under his breath, not giving a damn about the woman from the night before that had already left his apartment in annoyance.

Smiling sweetly, Y/N held onto the microphone carefully, as if preparing herself for the worst. Her gaze was strong, but her tears were on its way down her cheeks.

That was the final straw, the last teardrop.

The end of the rope.

Editor L/N: Again, thank you all for coming. I think.. that this needs to be said, sooner than later. But, Choi Seungcheol and I are no longer together. I am now.. single, and I hope that answers your question.

Seungcheol's heart broke after hearing the painful words his girlfriend– now ex, just said.

Editor L/N: I will not discuss private matters with everyone, because my relationship with him remains between us only. But, I will say this. We all hold onto the ropes of life, and sometimes, we might just have to let go of some, especially if they’re hurting us. But no matter what, we should always choose the better climb for ourselves, and our future. To my former partner, thank you.. for everything. I wish you all the best, I truly mean that. Please continue to give Seungcheol and the rest of SEVENTEEN your love and support! Thank you to everyone that came today!

To say that he crumbled from the inside out was an understatement. He felt defeated– and boy, he really was, and it stung so much that the pain he felt was unbearable.

Everyone present at the press-con had their lips sealed, but had their eyes glued onto the face of the woman who no longer wanted to hold onto the ropes that bound her to a miserable life as Choi Seungcheol’s girlfriend.

It was a bittersweet moment for Y/N L/N– breaking away from the shackles that were once loving arms, and moving forward freely without any restraints.

No one dared to say a thing, and with every bit of confidence in his body, the conglomerate son stood from his seat, and spoke.

CEO Lim: Now that I think about it.. I believe I have one unanswered question.

Reporter: Apologies, Mr. Lim.. but, please.

CEO Lim: So, about me dating..

All eyes were on the CEO now, but Seungcheol only had eyes for her– watching his ex-lover’s gaze go up from the floor to her boss’ face.

It was the day he would dread forever, but he never prepared himself for that.

“Please don’t.. don’t love her, she’s mine,” he pleaded, but he could only beg a man he never really knew, from where he sat. In his living room, far from where she was– helpless, and wrecked to the core.

CEO Lim: I’m not dating anyone.. at the moment. But if you really want to know, I’ll tell you this much. The woman I am in love with had just been promoted as Chief Editor. She’s the one I would want to date, the one I want to give the world to. And, she’s sitting right there. I’ll let you guys put two and two together, but have a good day everyone, thanks for coming.

It was at that very moment, that Choi Seungcheol remembered the promise he had made a while ago. And seeing the hope in her eyes as she stared back at Lim Jaebeom, made him realize that it was just too late to undo everything. There was nothing he could do to stitch their love together, because the love they once had was dead and gone.

The day I hurt you, is the day I die with the regret of breaking your heart.

And so he relived the day where they promised each other the world– keeping his end of the rope that was long broken because of his mistakes.

Choi Seungcheol clutched his chest and cried himself to death– crying over a forgotten promise, and dying slowly with the regret of breaking her heart.