#a friend has paid me to draw his bf

[honeynclove]

I don’t go here but my friend asked me to make a sticker of this twink so here’s this guy

here’s him stickered

[yankstrash]

expanding on these relationship dynamics :)

-`♡´- athlete bf x artist gf

it's simple, will is an athlete and rylie is an artist. will's gonna be a professional hockey player in a couple years and rylie is studying to be an artist and/or art teacher

-`♡´- bf with a big group of friends x gf with a smaller inner circle

will is always hanging out with his hockey teammates, and there are a lot of them. on top of his own teammates he also hangs out with a lot of other athletes and just people he's met on campus. rylie prefers to hang out with smaller groups of people and they mainly include her fellow art friends and people she's met in classes or at a coffee shop. she prefers a smaller, tight knit group over a large group of people. it definitely takes her some getting used to with wills teammates

-`♡´- short gf x tall bf who loves to rest his chin on her head during hugs

will is 6'0, rylie is 5'1 so there is a bit of a height difference between them but will LOVES it. his favorite way to hug her is wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her tightly against his chest while he places his chin atop her head. he'll remove his chin to kiss her head ever now and then before putting his chin back

-`♡´- "you're annoying" gf x "but you love me" bf

although rylie tolerates will much better now that they're together, there are still times where he can get on her nerves and she is not shy in telling him when he does. she'll tell him he annoys her and he'll just smirk and say, "i know baby, but you love me anyways". and she just grunts because she can't even deny it

-`♡´- "i'm smart" bf x "i'm smarter" gf

will quite literally proved rylie wrong when he fully pulled his weight on their project and also showed her he isn't a stupid jock, but she can't help but note how she's still smarter than him nonetheless. sometimes she just loves to one up him, it's kinda her thing

-`♡´- likes going out bf x prefers staying in gf

will likes to party and have fun, there's no surprise there. rylie however has never been a party girl and probably never will be. she'd much rather spend her saturday night cuddled up under a blanket with a hot tea and her drawing pad on her lap. now that she's dating will, they compromise on this. she goes out with him and his friends one night, and he stays in with her the other night. she isn't a fan of going out, but she does it for will. plus she likes to keep an eye on him because she is more than sure that there are plenty of girls making oogly eyes at him (she trusts him, but not other girls)

-`♡´- sweatpants bf x jeans gf

will wears sweats nearly everyday and rylie wears jeans nearly everyday

-`♡´- bf who plays a sport x gf whose never watched sports

rylie is dating a division 1, soon to be professional hockey player yet she has never watched sports. well she's watched sports but has never cared or paid any attention to them, so she has no idea what's going on the first couple of times she goes to wills hockey games. and when she's hanging out with him and his friends and they're watching football? forget about it. girlie is LOST

-`♡´- physical touch bf x gift giving gf

wills love language is physical touch. he loves to hug and kiss rylie, he loves to hold her hand, he doesn't mind pda, he loves stroking her hair. any kind of physical touch he adores, especially with her. rylies love language is gift giving, especially handmade gifts. since she's an artist she is always making will the cutest gifts whether it be a drawing, a painting, something out of clay, something she crocheted, literally anything. she spoils him with handmade gifts and he loves every single one of them

-`♡´- big but soft bf x small but mighty gf

will might be a tall athlete who puts on a tough facade but he's really just a big softie who's a total sweetheart. he's such a nice guy who wouldn't hurt a fly (that unintentionally rhymed..). rylie on the other hand is a smaller gal but she doesn't let herself get pushed around by anyone and she hates being told what to do. also, sass her and she'll give it right back (talking to you, william.)

-`♡´- outgoing bf x keeps to herself a bit gf

will is very outgoing and an extrovert. i wouldn't necessarily call rylie shy, she just prefers to keep to herself more and has a more introverted personality

-`♡´- artistic gf x "i know nothing about that but for you i'll learn" bf

as a way to try to impress rylie, will started studying up on art. he really liked her and wanted to show her that. now that they're dating, he continues to learn and try to fit into her world. he watches her draw and paint and is always wanting to take her to art museums and let her teach him about the art

-`♡´- night owl bf x early bird gf

will goes to bed late and rylie is an early riser. their sleep schedules are not aligned when they first started dating and it took some getting used to. will would send her a text at 10 pm and wouldn't get a reply until the next morning when she would say, "sorry, was sleeping." he likes to poke fun at her for it, but she is always bright and well rested in the mornings

-`♡´- "i want to paint the sunset" gf x "i'll drive you to it" bf

miss rylie is a sucker for a pretty sunset and will loves watching her paint and is her personal driver so anytime she says she wants to watch sunset and/or paint it he always offers to drive. even if she's just painting and he's just watching her do it, he will always offer to drive her. she loves the sunrise too but between wills night owl habits and his early morning practices/workouts, that doesn't always work in her favor

-`♡´- iced drinks bf x hot drinks gf

will prefers iced drinks and rylie prefers hot drinks. will will order an iced coffee whereas rylie prefers hot coffee or tea

-`♡´- overthinker gf x thinks everything she does is cute bf

rylie tends to overthink every little thing and will thinks she's so cute when she gets in her little head and makes her little frustrated face where her eyebrows scrunch and she bites her lip. she's just always so cute to him. he thinks some of the things she overthinks are cute also. "did i paint this the right color? or was it supposed to be yellow.... uhhh.. ummmm.... d- why are you smiling?" she asks will who just shrugs and sayd, "you're just adorable, that's all"

-`♡´- "i don't like you" gf x "oh but you will love me" bf

will can't even count the amount of times rylie told him she didn't like him before they started dating, but he would always just smirk and say, "oh but you will love me, some day". rylie denied it, but look what happened.. although she still sometimes will tell him she doesn't like him just to tease him, and he's like, "yeah yeah, get over here and kiss me"

-`♡´- "i need help" gf x "i'm on my way" bf

no matter what time of day or what the circumstance is, will is always there for his girlfriend. if she needs him, he is there. he will always take care of her and make sure she's okay. if she ever texts or calls him that she needs help or anything, he is on his feet and on his way to her in a second

[escaping-consciousness]

Of course, I can’t rely on anyone.

I don’t know if my bf will be able to get a job and KEEP it long enough before I completely deplete my savings. I struggle to save what $150 every check, but it won’t stay there. I’ve had to take it out to compensate for him or our roommates when they were unemployed. I’ll probably have to do it again to keep his car from being repoed, because unemployment may deny his claim. A bill needs to be paid and I just shit out money that could’ve gone to new computer equipment, clothes that actually fit me, therapy, or a course for a certification to get a better paying job. I could use it to move. I can’t do shit though. My hands are tied because I’m working all the time.

I can’t even do anything for myself because there’s no money left for me. I refrain from using what I can keep in the savings account .

I’m too tired and depressed to focus on my hobbies and skills. I need books to study, and I want to invest in freelancing, I just don’t have the support or the time. When I want yo get in the zone, it’s time to cook or go to bed so I can get up for work. When it’s the weekend, we have chores to catch up on. My money is gone by the time we finish groceries.

I don’t even have kids or my own pet. I have literally NOTHING except the my personal bills. The only good thing is that my bills are finally being paid on time. I can do my part. I know the economy is tough but I’ve gone too long without the things that could change my life or make me happy.

I don’t know what to do.

I feel alone and exhausted. I have a hard time seeing the positives in my situation. Yes, I’m alive, but I’m miserable. I just exist and I can’t make myself happy without compromising the security of having somewhere to live and paying things on time.

When I ask for help, there’s excuses from family or they’re trying to bail out cousins that don’t deserve the money because they refuse to work or get help. My mom has nothing to give. She ended up putting me in debt because she didn’t have enough to help me like she promised. She was too trusting and was just too busy helping her friend, her brother, or my brothers. None of them paid her back or even kept their end of the deal, but I did. I still get little financially help, even though forced to break my back for everyone else.

I can’t go home. Even if I did, there wouldn’t be room for me living back at mom’s. They’re struggling just as much and I’ll just be their taco to work because neither my brother or cousin have their own cars nor will they take public transportation or carpool with coworkers. Mom will emotionally cling to me because of how unhappy she is. If I go home, I’ll purposely OD.

Even if I left my bf, I’d be a burden to my friends. I can’t live alone because i simply can’t afford the rent. I make too much for assistance. I don’t have the skills. I can draw, but AI is fucking up the industry. I don’t have an audience for commissions. I’m not pretty or in shape enough for sex work. Something will happen to me if I ever go homeles.

A lot of this is so mean to think but I just don’t care,

I’m so demotivated by my circumstances but I wish that I didn’t wake up the next morning. I feel like I worked hard for nothing. People telling me “I’m doing great” have no idea how much pain I’m in and it seems like they don’t care either way. Nobody checks up on me. They just ask my parents about me, rather than call or message me.

I wish I didn’t need to be alive. I’m tired of being strong for everybody just so I can be there for them to lean on. I’m tired as bc I want to quit.

I don’t know why I’m sven here anymore.

I’m so unhappy and I can’t escape my life.

[underworldreaderinserts]

Could you write some Zagreus bf headcanons where the reader is a mortal? Not sure if you write headcanons or not but I wanna shoot my shot anyway qwqqq i just love zag so muchh aaaaa a a aa,,,,,

Of course, I can, sweetie! I know I did general boyfriend headcanons here, but I’ll specify for a mortal partner♡ I originally wrote two versions of this, one for a mortal partner already in the House of Hades, and one for a mortal still alive on the surface; but because it got absurdly long, I’ve only posted one. I hope it’s to your liking, dear anon!♡ -- Ryan

Edit: I seem to,,, get so carried away with my own imagination that I completely side tracked from the original request. If this isn’t exactly what you wanted for your request, anon, please stop by and let me know, I’ll do my best to make you a new one!!♡

In the House of Hades:

✧ In your mortal days, you’d lived as pious a life as any other human, though you did differ in one regard -- You paid tribute to the Chthonic gods as much as, if not more so than, the Olympians.

     ✧ It was in your belief that the God of the Dead, as fearsome as he was, deserved as much reverence as his brothers atop their mountain, and for this, you were given recognition upon your passing.

✧ Instead of wandering the Underworld’s domain as you had expected, it seemed you’d serve a higher purpose continuing your tribute to Hades, as you once did in life.

✧ Your arrival at the House was unexpected by its residents, however, not unwelcome, as they knew of you through your life and your tributes to them.

✧ But it’s also where you’d meet your boyfriend, Hades’ son, Zagreus. And it came much of a shock to you, as you had not known he had a son.

     ✧ It also came much of a shock to him, because Hades didn’t allow just anyone into his House.

          ✧ It is here where your curiosity of each other would draw you together quite often.

✧ Zagreus would catch you where he could, between your work shifts or whenever he wasn’t pillaging his father’s domain, and ask you questions.

     ✧ “Why would you honor the God of the Dead? Why didn’t you fear him, like the other mortals?”

          ✧ “I believed death was just as much a part of life as anything else the Gods and Goddesses represented. I guess you can say, in a way he was fearsome, but I didn’t fear him.”

✧ That answer baffled him, and only elicited further curiosity. It was such a unique perspective, and even though it told so much about you as a person, he felt as though he didn’t know enough.

     ✧ Eventually, he’d become addicted to learning more about you, and your brief conversations.

          ✧ Lost in his pursuit of you, he’d caught feelings along the way-- and the same could easily be said of you. But openly admitting you’ve fallen for the Prince of the Underworld was so outlandish to you.

               ✧ Before long, it wasn’t secret knowledge that the both of you reciprocated feelings, and were a bit more open with your relationship.

✧ Following that, you’d both find yourselves in each other’s companies, late into the evening (night? morning?), either sitting in the lounge or along the river’s roaring coarse by the Administrative Chamber just trading questions, experiences, and admirations.

     ✧ You’d tell him stories of your life on the surface. Some particularly hard seasons, or any strokes of luck.

          ✧ How you’d maintained offerings to many of the Gods, both Chthonic and Olympian, and if any of your good tidings had been by their blessings.

               ✧ You told him of your family, and your friends, and what education you had been fortunate enough to receive.

✧ You felt, between telling him about your daily life to your life’s story, that it was rather bland in comparison to what he’d have to offer, but it fascinated him.

     ✧ All lives begin and end the same way, but each one has a different story to tell. Some with overlapping similarities, some with predictive behaviors-- but not you.

✧ You got along swimmingly with everyone in the House (though Hades and Megaera were still a bit rough around the edges, you knew not to take it too personally.)

✧ Though, you’d namely get on well with Achilles and Orpheus, as you’d heard tales of them throughout your life. It was equivalent to being starstruck.

     ✧ More often than not, you’d be found beside Orpheus or Achilles, mostly because it still felt improper for you to talk so familiarly among Gods and Goddesses (though, Hypnos made it fairly easy, as his behaviors felt... human.)

✧ On some days (nights?) he’d pull himself out of the Pool of Styx and find you beside Orpheus, smiling as you discussed his talent and influence; or beside Achilles, watching him with awe as you’d asked for another recount of his battles.

     ✧ On those days, especially, he’d deliberately saunter right up to you, directing your attention to him. You’d beam that precious, priceless smile at him, greeting him, but before you could go into that sprightly explanation, he’d come up with a half-assed reason to take you from your current activity.

          ✧ Oblivious each time, you would politely dismiss yourself, knowing that any time with Zagreus was scarce. Orpheus would nod, with a soft “’til next time.”, but Achilles was one more offense away from calling the Prince out on his jealous antics.

✧ Zagreus knew your worth, though, and wasn’t afraid or ashamed to admit it as many times as it took.

     ✧ “There’s absolutely nothing like you, not in all the Underworld, or even the surface. I can say that, I’ve seen the surface.”

     ✧ “Not even the sun can match the warmth I feel when you’re beside me.”

✧ He struggles between the desire to have you all to himself, and to show you off at every corner of the Universe.

✧ Poor Zagreus gets mildly jealous, since he feels he can’t offer you the same solidarity, having lived in the Underworld his whole life (and being a god and all that)

✧ He treasures your stories, and how your life on the surface has weathered you into the person that stands before him.

✧ He’s grateful you’ve made it into his life, even if that gratitude is indirectly directed to his father, and his father’s decision to bring you into the House.

[shhhlikeme]

Hi there!! Welcome to the writing committee! I just wanted to say you’re so beautiful and i love what you’re doing so far! Here’s a request for you, maybe with Bokuto where him and his girlfriend sneak out for a late night snack. Thank you so much and keep it up 😊

Thank you so much babe it means a lot! 😘 Bokuto is a jewel omg. Hope this suffices!

————————————————

Bokuto & Operation: ‘Sneak My Girlfriend Out of Her Strict Parents House for Late Night Snacks’

Bokuto x Reader

——————————————

“So, your code name is ‘Sexy Thighs’. And mine is ‘Thigh Guy 6000.’” Your boyfriend Bokuto whispered seriously. He easily lifted you through your ground-floor bedroom window to join him outside.

Your heart was racing due to the slight adrenaline rush. You clung to his strong arms until your feet met the ground of your backyard. You turned and stuck an arm through your window so you could cover the open space with a pillow. You had to leave the window open so you could crawl back in upon return.

“I agreed to sneak out but I draw the line at cheesy code names—“ You whispered back to him. You dusted off your outfit and finally looked up at your sulking boyfriend. Immediately, you caved.

“Fine. We can use code names.” You whispered.

A wide smile crept up on his face and he lifted both of his arms in the air in triumph. “HEY! HEY! HEY! Operation: ‘Sneak My Girlfriend Out of Her Strict Parents House for Late Night Snacks’ has officially commenced!”

“Shhhhhhhhhhh!” You swatted your boyfriend on the arm when he whisper-yelled his famous battle cry, glaring at him to quiet down.

You loved him, but he was sooooo loud all the time sometimes.

Bokuto nodded and grabbed your hand. Holding it tightly, he crouched down by the side of your window as he motioned for you to crouch down too.

Humouring him, you did. You followed him as he glued the side of his body to the side of your house and stealthily tip toed over to the end of the brick.

“I’m going to check if the coast is clear, and on my word we make a run for it. Got it?”

You stared up at your boyfriend in the dark and only now realized he was decked out in all black, including a black beanie that covered his familiar grey and black hair. God he’s dramatic. But you had to admit he looked super cute since his handsome face stood out more without the visuals of his unique hair. You gave him a nod letting him know you were listening to him. ‘Go.’ You mouthed.

Bokuto proceeded to peer around the corner like he was in a Spy Kids movie. He leaned slightly to check but he must have seen something because he quietly gasped and whipped his body back behind the wall. He shut his eyes in fear. In an instant, his arm jutted out in front of you like a shield, pushing you flesh against the wall too in an act of protection. You panicked.

“What?!” You whisper-yelled. “What is it Bokuto?! Do you see someone???” Your life flashed before your eyes because if your mom or dad caught you sneaking out you were DEAD dead. Bokuto didn’t respond.

“Bokuto! Who is there???”

Your boyfriend stuck his nose up in the air, turning away from you in a dismissive pout. He was purposely ignoring you.

You sighed in exasperation, pinching your nose and closing your eyes. “Boku—“

“That’s not my name.” He snapped in a whisper. He shook his head childishly.

You grit your teeth together to keep yourself from stomping on his foot. “Okay. I’m sorry, Bokut—I mean: Thigh Guy three thousand–“

“Six thousand!” He corrected you.

“Thigh Guy 6000.”

You watched Bokuto’s pout transform into an ecstatic smile. You continued. “Did you see someone over there?”

He looked down at you. “Oh.....no. I was just practicing my protection pose in case I did.”

You swat him harder on the arm than the last time and he winced.

“You know, for such a small chick you are really strong.” He rubbed where you hit him.

“Poor baby.” You whispered sarcastically. “And can I just add that you don’t need to practice a protection pose for me— if my parents really were there it’s you that would need to run for your life.”

Bokuto chuckled quietly. “Sexy Thighs, need I remind you that I’m one of the Top 5 Ace’s in the Country? I think I can handle a little dash of strict parents.....”

You rolled your eyes at your conceited boy even though he couldn’t see it in the dark at 1:30am.

You watched as he peered over the edge of your house again.

“The coast is clear, Sexy Thighs. We ride east at 0600 hours.”

“We’re going west, and that’s not how military time work—“

Your boyfriend interrupted you. “Let me live, will you?! Let’s go.”

Operation: ‘Sneak My Girlfriend Out of Her Strict Parents House for Late Night Snacks’ phase one: Escape was a success ✅

You and Bokuto were able to walk downtown easily in the cool night. Summer was transitioning to fall so it wasn’t cold enough for a jacket, but it definitely wasn’t warm enough for a t-shirt. Your boyfriend looked very attractive in a his hoodie, shorts and beanie while you settled for a skin tight blue thermal zip-up, and black lululemons.

Bokuto loved when you wore leggings for obvious reasons.... and he couldn’t resist smacking your ass a dozen or so times in the 15 minute walk downtown.

Barely anyone was on the street on your peaceful night walk

You both loved it. The night sky, the quiet, the fact that you felt safe pressed against your man and he felt elated whenever he got to see his girlfriend outside of your parents’ strict ‘boyfriend time’ hours

Once you both got downtown it was flooding with College Student’s leaving the bars. It was very loud and bustling

Bokuto anxiously looked around to check if the coast was clear and you were far enough from your house so he could,

“Hey! Hey! Heeeey!” He exclaimed to no one in particular. People looked at the crazy boy screaming and you put your head down from embarrassment. “Man.” He smiled. “I hated whispering that before. So I had to.”

Bokuto took your hand in his again and pulled you in the direction of the food stands.

On the way, unfortunately, you were cat-called and whistled at quite a bit by obnoxious drunk college boys leaving the clubs

Bokuto gripped your hand tighter

He wanted to rip their faces off but he knew he couldn’t risk going to jail tonight or getting you caught by your parents

He just held you closer to him and shot death glares at the guys who backed off

You loved him omg

Past the clubs, Bokuto practically skipped to a stop in a food truck line. He was smiling again and you couldn’t help but smile too

His energy was so infectious

You asked him what food you two were getting and he just told you it was a surprise and to trust the process

Bokuto was so happy to be with you he could barely contain himself. He was bursting at the seams at the fact that you actually agreed to sneak out with him. His parents were the opposite of yours and it was hard to date you when yours had such strong restrictions but he would do anything if it meant spending time with you.

In the line, he leaned down to pick you up so you both were face-to-face

“I love you, Sexy Thighs. Y’know that right?”

You squealed when he picked you up but melted at his words. You kissed his nose.

“I love you more..” You smiled.

“You love me more, what?” He waited.

“I love you more, Thigh Guy 6000. Now put me down.”

He didn’t listen to you and kept you propped up in his arms as the line started moving forward. He loved having you flushed against him like this. The guys that were cat calling you would know that you were his, and It also gave him a handful of your amazing ass.

To bystanders, the public display of affection wasn’t even that odd — you two just looked like a young couple that are very much in love

Which is true

You rested your head in the crook of your boyfriends warm neck. As much as you hated when he showed a mass amount of PDA, you were so comfortable and happy in his arms. You nuzzled into the neck and absentmindedly placed soft kisses there.

“Sexy Thighs....” Bokuto warned, holding back a groan. “You know what that does to me....”

you pulled your lips away from his neck.

“Sorry. Habit.”

Now at the front of the food stand line, Bokuto used his one strong arm to support your weight and used the other to point to the menu. You could hear him ordering

“Can we please get a number 2, a number 8, another number 2, and a number 11. Oh, and two hot chocolates please. One with extra marshmallows.”

You smiled. You’ve only mentioned that once in passing and he remembered you were a simp for hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

He paid. 5 minutes later you heard who must be the food truck worker say,

“Here you go sir.”

Bokuto reluctantly had to put you down to collect his order.

You saw him thank the worker exuberantly and drop a great tip into the the tip jar. The worker thanked him profusely.

That’s one thing you loved about your boyfriend—his attitude was literally addicting and it spread to anyone he was near

He took your hand again and walked you to the river that was close to downtown. You noted that there were other couples here, holding hands, stargazing and talking. Bokuto found an empty bench and you both sat down

“Babe, you cold? You want my sweater?”

You shook your head. You felt absolutely fine and the hot chocolate made you feel even better. He was such a softie, always worried about you. It made you feel like royalty, honestly.

“I’m perfect.”

He smiled before unpacking the bag of late night snacks. You looked down at everything that was displayed in front of you.

You saw churros, deep friend oreo, a deep fried mars bar and caramel corn. Your favourites.

You smiled at him before leaping up to hug him. He chuckled again and ran a hand down your back.

“We don’t have a lot of time, Sexy Thighs. Your parents usually check on you at some point so we should hurry.”

Nodding, you kissed his cheek and turned your attention back to the snacks. You fed eachother and ate as much as you could until the sweets were too much.

You thanked your heaven sent bf again as you threw out all the leftovers.

You were on cloud nine it was an amazing date !!!!

Well, most of it. Bokuto tried feeding the churros to the birds who would not eat it lol

When you realized it was almost 3am the two of you rushed back to your house

Bokuto almost immediately went back into Spy Kids mode and even did a front roll to land in front of your bedroom window again.

You clasped a hand over your mouth so no one could hear you giggle.

Bokuto looked backs at you expectantly.

Knowing what he was silently asking for, you threw caution and your dignity to the wind and copied his somersault to land beside him

You beamed at eachother before Bokuto fixed your disheveled hair and leaned in kiss you—

Suddenly you were interrupted by hearing your bedroom door swing open

The two of you froze in terror as you listened to your fathers voice from outside of the bedroom window

He sounded like it was speaking from your door entryway

You both covered each other’s mouths with your hands.

“She’s dead asleep, honey.” Muttered your father tiredly. “She has the covers over her entire body like she used to do when she was a kid. She must be really tired.”

Then you heard the click of your door that signalled it was closed again.

Since you couldn’t move, Bokuto checked for you. He sighed in relief and only then did you let out the breath you’ve been holding in.

“Sexy Thighs, you are brilliant. How did you think to put pillows in your place on the bed?”

You told him you saw it in a movie and he looked at you like you were a superstar

Bokuto helped you back up into your window silently

You thanked him and you both leaned through the opening to kiss eachother goodnight.

“So I guess Operation: ‘Sneak My Girlfriend Out of Her Strict Parents House for Late Night Snacks’ was a success, huh?” He whispered onto your lips, leaning in for another kiss. He really didn’t want to leave. “I can’t wait until we move into together, Y/N. We could do this all the time.”

You smiled lovingly, kissing your boyfriends nose again. “I can’t wait either. And I also can’t wait until your next mission, Mr. Sexy Thighs 6000.”

Bokuto’s eyes lit up. “Really? Have I corrupted you?” He smirked when you mouthed ‘maybe.’

“Well I’m glad to hear that you don’t mind being my partner in crime because my next mission is called Operation: Send Your Boyfriend a Booty Pic in your Panties Because He Loves Those Leggings on You And He Wants To—“

You interrupt him with one more chaste kiss. “Goodnight, Bokuto.”

As you shut the window you can hear your boyfriend whisper-yell: “You know if you want to keep calling me ‘Sexy Thighs 6000’ I won’t complain!”

You blew a kiss his way and waved to your boyfriend through the window before shooing him away.

He salutes and you laugh as you watch him stealthily somersault out of your view.

[humorousturkeywinnerflap]

Painter x Mechanic

Edgar x Tracy (EdTra)

The Talented Painter , Edgar Valden , is busy right now .He was invited by the Duke to engage in a ball , but he found it boring . He sneaked out to the garden and started drawing . He is drawing it well . However , something interrupts him .

The suspicious noise comes from the bushes . Edgar doesn’t pay attention to it , until Luca turns up from the bushes .

“It looks like Tracy ! Are you drawing her ?” , Luca , who just got out of the bushes , goes to sniffing around Edgar .

“Balsa ! Get back in and leave me alone ! It’s none of your business !" , Edgar scolds and takes a deep breath . That troublemaker again , always put his nose into everything . Wait ! What did he just call her ?

“Since when you call Ms.Reznik like that ?”. Since when you and her are that close , is what he really wants to ask . 

Luca smiles . “Well , you know , Tracy and i share a special thing “

“I dont “, Edgar says coldly , but Luca can feel the jealousy here .

He continues , “It makes us the perfect match “

Edgar raises eyebrows . Sometimes he wants to punch that brat face much more than usual . Now is that sometimes .

“Now , we are BF” , Luca confidently steps one step back .

Edgar snaps his brush .

“Ha ha ha ! I’m kidding !”, Luca laughs ,”We are best friend ! Dont worry , you still have chances ! Go get her heart man !” 

Edgar doesnt say anything . Until the brat knows how to shut his mouth will he acquire the true peaceness .

“ Ha ha ha ! Then be persitent , chances will come to someone who never gives up !”, Luca says before leaving .

Edgar is glad . The brat has finally gone . However , he broke his brush . He cant paint anymore . The only thing to do now is staring at the painting and thinking .

The painting is half-done like a half-done steak . You cant see its most beautiful form yet , but you can know what it is . A steak . Or in my case , the girl i like .

The bushes make suspicous noise . Edgar has paid the attention to it this time . Here comes that Balsa again . Lets see what he will say this time .

“Is. . .is it me ?”, Tracy appears in the bushes . 

She saw it she saw it she saw it she saw it . Edgar is screaming inside .

"Its beautiful ", Tracy says and hides her pink face in the bushes .

Beautiful beautiful beautiful . Edgar is calm down , or not .

"Do you , like art too ?" , Edgar asks .

" Um , yes ? Do you like machine ?" ,Tracy stops hiding .

" A little " ,Edgar tilts his head thinking about it .

" We can talk about what we know for. . .for today ", Tracy suggests . Then , they start talking for all day long , and still talking for many many many other days .

And The Great Inventor , Luca Balsa , is hiding in a tree , not near not far just enough . He asks himself , When will they kiss ?

‐------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------

@thenazhaus

[drennalynspast]

[ Online Relationships ]

Monday, Oct. 07, 2013

I’m going to recap several gaps in my life in which I haven’t focused a particular topic on. Online relationships have transformed me in a way in which I couldn’t have imagined. There are a lot of positive aspects as well as negative aspects to it. I used online relationships as a form of escapism from reality. It granted me immediate feedback, gratification and attention if I was lonely, stressed, and needed someone there.  The art of communicating with written words is something that helped me express myself more in depth and allow myself to be more open to the other online people.

t’s has been noted that my online friendships with people have lasted for several weeks, some several months, and others that lasted a year.  That feeling of greeting someone in the morning with an msn text and then closing an msn text before going to bed was a warm, cozy, reassuring feeling.  When I feel more open to someone, I feel comfortable around them and have some sort of emotional connection with that person.  A lot of my online friends were males. I could easily talk to them.  I will admit, a lot of it had to do with some sort of personal validation and being flattered from the praise and attention I received. 

Some of these friendships at first seemed like platonic friendships. Eventually it got to that point where I felt like I appreciated them more and wished to see them in person. I became jealous when I found out that they eventually got a girlfriend or wife.  At some points, I became confused if they just saw me as a friend or something more than a friend.  

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Thunder was my first online friend. We randomly became friends through a social networking site that my Indian friends introduced me to [the site].  He added me thinking I was 18+, but I lied about my age, and I was like 16-17 lolol.  He does some sort of computer graphic design or drawing tutorial work. He was kinda disappointed I was young, but we were just friends. Eventually I got older and was shocked he eventually found a wife from his workplace. I had no idea he was seeing anyone. We met each other in person once before he and his wife left to move to California. He and his wife were pleasant to be around. It was a positive meeting experience.  After he moved, we gradually communicated less and less. He divorced his wife. We remain FB friends.

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I met “J” through my sister. He was an admin on an anime forum. He basically helped give me emotional support through my struggles in freshman year in college while I battled loneliness and adjustment. He eventually found better employment somewhere and married a woman. Our communication dissipated quite a bit. Those phases of friendships come and go.

Being a part of that anime forum lead me to connect with a lot of other online people out there. Everyone was fairly around the same age, young and clueless about life with no obligations. I easily rose to awareness and attention by being sisters with a former moderator.  I posted my picture, and a lot of the male users complimented me and wanted to get to know me more.  One of those people stood out to me as far as being an amusing friend goes. And here I embarked on some sort of journey with Tom. 

----------------------------------------------

He was rather notorious on the forums, a bigshot member who posted frequently and was able to instill humor and witty jokes here and there.  I was impressed by his boldness and charisma.  We started out as friends. He became jealous of me when I went through that FWB phase with Dave. Eventually it lead to me being more than friends after a while. I clung to Tom when the whole Dave friendship failed. I just wanted someone to care about me and be there for me emotionally.  I wanted some substance. I wanted to have a boyfriend. I felt like I could be a “good girl” and hold off on sex. I didn't want to be a slutty girl who slept around with a lot of men, so I used this online relationship as some justification for me to force me to be more pure.

 I’ll also note that I was a stupid, naive, dumb girl who fucking webcammed for this guy when I didn’t have a fucking clue what he looked like. I just wanted attention and the shit. I wanted someone to revere in my body and appearance.

It’s always exciting and interesting discovering and talking to new people. You become flattered at the person they seemingly are. You see how amazing and confident they are.  As you get to know them more, you discover the darker side of the person. And that is what happened.

We would have minor arguments here and there that eventually did resolve.  It was an emotional struggle, but sometimes the arguments made us feel closer after the resolution. He had several red flags that I should have paid attention to. He was controlling, he was socially withdrawn from other people, he had no close real friends who he maintained a consistent communication with, he was antisocial in the real world, he also would talk about physical workout regimens but he was always reluctant showing pictures or videos of him.  But somehow despite all that shit, I was somehow convinced otherwise that he is a good and caring person that was genuinely caring about me.  That’s what I wanted right, someone to care about me?  

I had to go through a ton of bullshit with him. I was frustrated about how I was the only one who cammed, and I couldn’t even see or hear shit from his side. He made fucking excuses where he was unable to cam or talk on phone more often.  Typing this entry is also making me feel angry and disgusted as shit.  

It was like a 3 and a half year pseuedo relationship.  We messaged each other online everyday, getting into a routine of “hi, how are you etc”. And then we complain about random stuff to each other. It got to a point where I was all, “hi, when are we going to meet?”  I finally had an apartment, but he had issues with finances, no car, still living with parents.  I felt awkward if I had to drive there to meet him first. I shouldn’t be the one to go there and fucking meet him first anyway.  I already did my part by camming to him the first time. What a bastard.

Anyway, I felt like I was struggling. I told him that we shouldn’t label ourselves as BF/GF anymore. We are just friends. He took it with some difficulty, but agreed. Eventually we phased out the *kiss* in our closing statements at bedtime. Even as just friends, I felt all weird and smothered by him. It was an unfulfilling friendship that didn’t seem to be going anywhere.  I was also talking to an online guy (MMO) dude that I probably wrote an entry in a couple months back.  That MMO guy bailed out on me and didn’t seem interested in maintaining friendship with me.  MMO guy lived in Oklahoma, and I wanted to meet him too. 

Whenever I saw the new pics that Tom finally decided to show me, I was pissed and disappointed. I guess I was lying to myself thinking that he would somehow miraculously drastically change his appearance from the old 2006 photo that he showed me first.  He was sort of slightly overweight and his facial expression was that of apathy, boredness, blankness, no smile.   It was like the way he described himself in words was that of a lie compared to his actual appearance. I was lied to in a way, or deceived, or I just tried to ignore shit in the beginning and have some sort of blind hope it wasn’t true. 

I tried to give him a chance, but I suppose the physical aspect became a point to where it was starting to be more of a turn off.  I also just felt bored of him. There was nothing new in his life. He didn’t seem to have any goals or passion in his life for anything.

So yeah, throughout all this, I’m so fucking sexually frustrated and deprived  a 3 year dry spell.  I hate this idea of being faithful or devoted to someone who would never be there for me in person. There’s always that talk of someday we will meet, just wait, it will happen.  3 years of this talk and still nothing happened. I got that emotional support and attention, but I realized that I needed both- physical and emotional needs met.  It was time to say, G’bye. 

 And that’s when I met Andy in January.Tom was pissed I met Andy and just.. had sex with him on the first date.  It was unexpected and he felt like he was betrayed. But I told him, we aren’t even BF/GF anymore, no need to be worried. Somehow he felt like he had some sort of entitlement. 

I probably could have. Should have? Given him some warning as far as “hey, I’m talking to this guy and am going to go on a date with him”. kind of thing.  I probably treated him like shit. But there wasn’t any obligated rule for me to be devoted or faithful.  I don’t want to be held back. I want to do what I want. In some way, I may have used Andy as far as trying to make a stepping stone to get away from Tom. I needed to cut the strings off and tie off any lose ends. 

Tom and I discussed things further. He eventually understood what I was going through and agreed to give me space. He wanted to still see me. He wanted to still be my friend. I still felt constricted and smothered. I kept him on FB, but I wasn’t going to go on MSN anymore. He made several comments on my FB activity and feeds. I was beginning to get annoyed and pissed off at his slight actions that weren’t trying to be harmful or intimidate me.  He still tried to cling to me sometimes sending a random mail once a couple of months or weeks of self reflection.  Of course I would respond back in some manner. I told him I didn’t want to be angry all the time whenever he tried to post stuff to me. I told him that I was going to remove him from my friends list and block him.  We still have each other’s email if he wishes to contact me randomly.

I wonder if this is all considered running away.  But I feel better about myself. I feel like I can focus on myself in the real present world.  I am more away from being glued to the internet.  I appreciate Tom’s friendship and care about me. I did care about him more too at some point.  I learned several things about myself throughout the whole process. One lesson I learned was to never do online relationships again or even online friendships for that matter too.

There is so much to do and experience in the real world: meet and hang out with local people, go to places and engage in fun activities, eat with people and share stories with people in real time. Seeing their smile, seeing their humorous antics in person, and also feeling their touch in person is something that words on a screen simply cannot replicate.

After having my first boyfriend/real relationship, I felt like those 3 years talking to Tom I was missing out on a lot of things.  Even though I feel shitty about being sucked into that 3 year confusion and mess, it was still a valuable experience. I sometimes look back and imagine the pain and sadness I have inflicted on Tom. I gave him false hope and crushed his hope and anticipation.  At the same time, I need to worry about and focus on myself more.  Sometimes we all need a harsh reality check about life.

[manic-intent]

hi! Back again.. I’ve been a long time reader and had a random question about profesional life. When did you decide to leave law? I’m about to complete degrees (b.a & m.s) in accounting & will soon join the workforce but I know for a fact that i dont want to stay at a firm my whole life and one day want to pursue something less death inducing. I was curious how you went about making that decision and the transition into a creative job (hope this question isn’t intrusive!! Ignore if its weird!!)

I left law around the same time that most of my friends who did law quit -- around the 2-year mark. I took a few weeks off and wondered whether I really, really wanted to do this for the rest of my life. Go to bigger firms, then bigger firms, work longer hours, work on holidays. I looked at my friends in other firms, especially those who were stuck working 9-4am hours. At my bf at the time, who was working 12 hour days. I thought, life is short, why wait until retirement to enjoy it? I felt like I was being crushed by work I didn’t enjoy. I was really depressed. We pretty much had vodka in the file cabinet in the office and whisky under the table. 

So I put some of my drawings into a Word file (LOL), printed that out and just sent it in to a design school to give it a go. Didn’t know how to design. Only knew how to draw and use Photoshop. In Australia, design colleges are all portfolio entry based so that thankfully didn’t matter and the teachers gave me a chance so yeah. I pretty much quit and went back to school on my savings. It did help that I wasn’t in debt for my law degree. I imagine that the option to just go back to school would be unavailable for many. 

Frankly, if you’re already dreading what you’re about to graduate into, well. I have friends who feel trapped by their degrees still and don’t feel like they have the option to just transition into something else. Accountants as well. Have a friend who’s gone from Deloitte (which made him miserable and which massively underpaid him) to Brookfield (where he works long hours and is still miserable but at least is paid market rate) and is still trying to escape into something else.

It’s a hard ask to know in your early 20s what you want to do forever though. And I don’t live with regret over something like this, it’s pointless. Studying and practicing law has taught me a lot. But hell, if I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be to not do law. That’s a lot of years of my life where I was unhappy. Hope this helps. 

[pockyplay]

Dear 2018,

I really wanted to make some time today to write this reflection about the year 2018. It was really hard, made me realize that you have to fight for what you want or else you will always be there wanting it. You have to make the changes of you life, not the person you love, not your family, not your friends, it’s you and only you. It also makes me sad me that tumblr is not the same anymore :(, i really wanted to go back but i just felt like it was not the same anymore(and no im not talking about the porn being censored lol). I will always remember  the golden age of tumblr like the first pokemon game i got, all the time that i spent having fun will never come back again. Failure is party of your life, I just couldnt get back to tumblr and I remember it was one of my new year’s resolution of 2018. Tumblr was so precious to me because it helped me, it motivated me when i felt alone, that’s why it’s hard to see tumblr dead.

The highlights of 2018 that i could think of is just bad experiences, to be honest i need to go back to my instagram to check what i posted through the year. 21 pictures were the total of posts that i uploaded on instagram this year, and for me it seems sad. At the beginning of the year I was depressed because I couldn’t find a job, I only saw my boyfriend like 3 times and went out to eat with my friends twice. The scariest part of 2018 was when i got surgery, it was my first time and i was so scared you guys have no idea. My gallbladder didnt work so they had to remove it. This happened when me and my boyfriend planned our 3 year anniversary vacation, we paid everything and at the end of the day it was cancelled due to the surgery that happened in 3 days. Also what it got me depressed is that my “family” aka aunts, brothers and  cousins never visited me when i was at the hospital and i couldnt believe that my boyfriend traveled 1 and a half hour in plane just to be with me. During my recovery i felt so loved, my boyfriend stayed with me in my house, in my room taking care of me. He made me breakfast, helped me shower and helped me get up from bed, I was disabled couldnt do anything. My parents were also there for me and my friend who is a nurse, i really appreciate them.

Also my younger brother got married on May 2018, his wedding was cute that motivated me to do the same. During the same month i got a job in a call center, sure i hate it but i get paid enough to survive and get out of my house and live on my own with my boyfriend. That was my plan, to save up money and finally live together with my boyfriend, however, once you plan something, life has another plan for you. My dad has an unstable job, something he gets paid hella good and sometimes not. Since i started working on May he has been asking me for money and of course he is my dad and i cant say no to him. Every paycheck i was giving him $200, $300 and one time i gave him $600, i was feeling really depressed because my goal was to save money and get out of my house and live with my boyfriend that we have been in a long distance relationship for a while. I was looking at my goal each fay further that I got depressed and was about to quit work, i was so frustrated and stressed because i had to help my dad due to the economic situation that we were passing through but i also wanted to live my life. My hair was falling, im still going bald and during that time i didnt felt like putting makeup i was so sad that i was about to give up everything. My mom noticed how sad i looked and she asked what i wanted for life, and i told her that i just wanted to be with my boyfriend and told me to go ahead, to marry him. Since that day i told my dad that i was sorry but i wouldnt be helping him anymore with the money since i want to get married with my boyfriend and need to save money. Currently im still saving money but I dont how to plan a wedding i just wanted to do everything in one day but of course is impossible but we shall see what 2019 bring us.

I did lose some weight due to the surgery but im motivated to lose more weight for my own wedding and for the stream. I’ve been wanting to stream since last year but i just couldnt do it due to the internet speed that i have. I decided to go to a cyber cafe to stream league of legends but my bf and my mom is alredy against that idea 🙄. I see this streaming hobby as a motivtion to keep going but people keep telling me no an being negative 🙄 its annoying. The drawing resolution i was really consistent and i was proud of my progress but since i got a full time job i just couldnt do it anymore.

My new years resolution is to get married with Diego, move out from my parents house, exercise more, volunteering work to get more involved in the juvenile criminal justice community and be happy.

[dejinyucu]

2017 summary!

Hi, I’ve been busy :’) Here’s the 2017 compilation with my fav personal art I did each month :) ...which is mostly just a bunch of Tales of Zestiria and NieR:Automata stuff xD I’m happy I managed to have personal stuff each month this year! 2016 was mostly work and more work until I said screw it and ... stopped working “Orz. I’m tempted to do my fav work or project piece of every month, but I already spent enough time on this one x’D

Art goals for 2018:

FINISH MY PROJECTS, DAMMIT. Do more traditional art on my free time. >> 2016 compilation <<

Month-to-month insight and personal life musings about the year under the cut. Warning: It’s long, and everything is pretty much a bummer, so if you’re feeling bummed yourself, it’s be a better idea to go watch puppy videos than to read this xD

I did count the number of files from procrastidoodles, finished pieces, project stuff and paid work/commissions I had for each month saved on my computer and excluded the duplicates. They painted a pretty good picture of my mood and my mental state along the year, I think. I drew 240+ procrastidoodles this year! (again mostly Zesty and NieR lol) Most of them were done while burned out, during months after I tried to get a lot of work done :’) I spam most of them on my twitter nowadays. I keep forgetting to upload stuff over here and for that I apologize “Orz. January was a very productive month for me in general, while February was a burned out month (lots of procrastidoodling, very little of anything else... including work.) I was still obsessed with Zesty during Jan/Feb.The anime iirc was still airing back then and I was still trying to be sociable in the fandom. March started my descent into NieR:Automata hell xD It was also another “try to get a ton of shit done!” month, because NaNoRenO; I had a death wish and decided I could handle paid work and THREE personal projects at the same time. Ha. Hahahaha. =_= (spoiler: that didn’t work.)

April was the heavy burnout month after that. Actually I didn’t do that much procrastidoodling this month and I was in general pretty dead... idk how I managed to get 2 finished pieces done at all O_o; Maybe my procrastidoodling energy was channeled into them somehow...? May was when I threw the towel, decided to take a full break from work and projects, opened commissions and just did whatever I wanted. The Soremiku piece I picked for May was a collab with @alassetasartir​, she did the lines and I did the coloring ^^ June was apparently watercolor month! Also very procrastidoodling-intensive. July and August where... bad. I did pretty much nothing and barely got out of bed to exist (I did 7 things in August. 7. In total. Across all my categories. “Orz). I did work on the Amusement park piece in July-August and that’s my favorite thing I did in 2017, though! And by the end of August, I moved to a new apartment! Where I FINALLY GOT A 2ND ROOM AND COULD HAVE A DESK ALL FOR MYSELF AND MY STUFF WITHOUT HAVING TO SHARE IT WITH THE BF!! ;O; I wanted that for 5 years, 5 YEARS!!! *wipes a happy tear*

September and October were “catching up with the work I’ve neglected this year” months. I didn’t get much done in terms of personal things, though, because... work.

November was WORK OR DIE. I did *a lot* of stuff. A lot. I churned out stuff for projects and work like woah. And personal stuff was close to 0. I have only 4 doodles saved from November on my folders, though I may have a couple more on twitter? I tend to screenshot my doodles, post them and not save them ^^; And December has been a summer-hot, slow, short mess of a month; I suspect burnout, bc I can barely draw shit right now... or do anything else, for that matter “Orz. I seriously need to buy an industrial fan for that awfully hot computer room or I won’t survive January =_=; (in case you don;t know, I live on the southern hemisphere, it’s summer here and it’s awful)   As for art, I feel like I improved this year. I’m happy with with what I’ve been able to do and with what I’m able to do when I work hard! I managed to do personal stuff each month, even if it was mostly procrastidoodling, but still! :D I even did finished pieces almost once a month :) And I keep repeating it, but I’m extremely proud of my amusement park piece <3 <3 <3 ...But I’m also upset with how inconsistent I’ve been and still am when it comes to balancing all the shit I have to do and want to do ): Being productive, then burned out, then productive then burned out again has been my jam this year and it hasn’t been healthy at all “Orz.

As for life, it was... bleh. While 2016 was like a rollercoaster, with a lot of high-highs and crashing down lows, 2017 was just a looooong low ride. I went from the social online person I had become in previous years to slowly being a hermit again because I managed to screw things up with some people while I was also, once again, pretty overwhelmed with everything I had on my plate. The depression and debt I was dragging from 2016 plus the burnout cycle kept doing their thing on my mental health, and losing friends and getting dumped didn’t really help; yay bad timing :/ (I deserved being dumped, though; I was neglectful af and bad at communicating, so even if it was understandable bc my mental health was pretty crappy during late 2016-early 2017, it’s not an excuse.) I ended up with a lot of “what’s the point of getting out of bed today” days by the middle of the year. Moving to a new apartment with the BF helped improve a lot of things, though, and for that I’m very grateful! Also having a dog helps a lot, I may feel like a waste of space that can barely exist, but my dog needs to go outside for potty at least twice a day :’D Since then, I’ve been working towards a more balanced life, with more successes than failures, but still not quite there yet. I still have a few days peppered here and there where I feel heavy and sad and unable to get out of bed and I barely eat... but I try to not dwell on them for too long (speaking of which, I should shower and attempt to exist today... “Orz). When I look back and think of the highlights of this year, it’s all stuff that happened to other people around me.  I just... kept struggling with my bad choices and poor mental health to pay the bills, pay my debts and don’t disappoint ppl. But such is life for a lot of folks, isn’t it? So let’s say... the positive highlights of this year were the new apartment and NieR:Automata xD Also @yunalescasakura​ , she’s been a sweetheart this year to me and I don’t deserve her. I believe everything will be better once I manage to finish my project stuff (450+ unpaid hours to go... :’DDD) and I can’t wait for the day that I’m finally free from that to start a new chapter. By this time next year I should be done with projects and will be able to get a better balance!! I JUST HAVE TO ENDURE ONE MORE YEAR!! >_</ What I’m looking forward in 2018, besides finishing all my shit, is to buy a pen display! I’ve been saving slowly for one! I can’t afford a Cintiq, but I’m eyeing an xp-pen 15.6 *v* I also want to try to do traditional art once a week, probably during the weekend... I seriously need a break from drawing on the computer all day, and watercolors and colored pencils relax me so much... I want to buy a good webcam eventually to livestream/record speedpaint videos of it, because I love watching videos of people doing traditional art, haha ^^; Hopefully, in 2018 there will be a couple of Visual Novels released with my art, not counting my own stuff. I’ll also be resuming work on CDC: SideB as a hired artist this time around, since I can’t find the time at all to work on it otherwise. I sincerely hope I’ll be able to find mental space to be sociable in 2018 again, I hate being a hermit “Orz. That’s my goal for 2018: Find balance, kill the burnout cycle and be sociable again!

If you managed to read all of this, thank you. Thanks for being around, thanks for the nice messages that some of you somehow still send me even when I’m barely around anymore. I hope in 2018 I can give back to you all a lot more than I was able to this year. May the new year in ahead of us be full of nice things for everyone!

[tavarillasgalen]

2017

The year of recovery.

Another year of doing things I’d always wanted to, right from the very start. My first New Year’s party. I rung in 2017 with my first New Year’s kiss. I went to see the ice castles. I officially dropped out of my sorority. I got out of a toxic living situation and moved into my own studio apartment and got my first taste of truly living alone. I quite like it. I got to really experiment in the kitchen for the first time and came up with some dishes I love. I got to decorate, a bit, grocery shop, all of that. It was a dimly lit apartment, but it was a space all mine. 

I went to the Vagina Monologues at Westmini and performed in the one at the U. I conquered my fear of my roommate and didn’t let her presence keep me from performing. And I was good. I was really good.

My boyfriend and I celebrated 1 year of being together and Valentine’s by going out to a fancy restaurant. The bf and I went to the ballet and got insanely good seats. $100 seats for the student price of $15? yes please. We went on a little picnic and then to Benihana for his 21st. We went to the Holi festival. We celebrated his first publication. We went to a Cold War Kids concert. We went to an art show he had pieces in. We went to another art show a mutual friend have pieces in.We went to the Tulip Festival. We went to an underground hotspring at the Homestead Crater with some Westminster friends and all got dinner at Red Rock after. We went out a few times with his friends. We went to my first Pride. We went to a baseball game and mercilessly made fun of the teams the whole time. I celebrated Eid with his family and their Bosnian Muslim community. We went to the Red Butte Gardens. We went paddleboarding/kayaking for the first time. We went to the State Fair and got the ice cream that makes you look like a dragon. We went to see bell hooks talk at UVU and then later to a MUSE concert. We went axe-throwing (he kicked my ass). We went to Antelope Island and got caught in the middle of a giant herd of bison. We went to a Halloween party hosted by the couple who’s wedding we went to last year. So many cute little dates all throughout the year - to the aquarium, to park city, to the mountains, to stargaze, etc. So many movie nights and cuddles and making food together (our lava cakes tho... so bomb). Hanging out while he did research over the summer. When I lived on my own, I texted him whenever I didn’t feel safe, and he’d come right over and just be with me. Seeing Christmas lights. Ice-skating. Him spending more time with my family, building a gingerbread town. 

I went blonde for a few months. The girl who did it first messed up and my roots were white and there was a band of darker blonde, but the salon fixed it for free. I’d always wanted to go blonde, so that was cool.

I started auditioning again, and I got a part in a commercial for a concert for the deaf and hard of hearing! A few months later, I got my first paid role in a workout series. I met with an agency, and whereas the agent told everyone else there for acting to “email me a reel, and I’ll get back to you”, she took one look at my resume and was like “this is impressive, I’ll email you about callbacks.” I went to callbacks, and they said they’d sign me if I cleared my skin, went back to my natural hair color, and brushed up a bit with some acting classes. 

I went down the southern Utah six times this year. Once with my dad and michael. Once with the whole family. Once with my dad and johnny. Once with my mom and my younger brothers. Once with my bf. Once with everyone except for mom and david. Mostly, we stuck around Snow Canyon and the outskirts of Zion. But with my dad and Johnny, we also hit up Bryce Canyon and Capitol Reef. With my bf, we had a romantic bath, and spontaneously went to the Grand Canyon. 

I turned 21, and I have a whole other post about that experience lol. But it’s nice to be able to go to bars and order cocktails when I go out to eat. Amaretto is def my fav. 

I went to the lantern festival and it was as magical as that scene in Tangled made it look.

I went to Pennsylvania with my mom to visit family. We stayed in the house she grew up in, visited with family, got ice cream from my cousin’s work. Had cocktails and talked on the porch. Went out with my cousins and their friends. Went on a coal mine tour. Lots of home-cooked meals and just casually hanging out. Walking around Scranton, my mom reminiscing on her childhood. It was really lovely. 

I did a video shoot with Bella - basically a “day in the life at the stable”. She did so great with the cameras, I was impressed!

I got my tubes tied, and my boyfriend was such a support through it all. Driving me to surgery, taking care of me after, taking me to get acai bowls and play games, helping me around. Being there for me too when my parents found out and were furious. 

I’ve gotten close with Bella again. Moving back in with my parents definitely helped, because then I could see her everyday. It’s still a process, but it’s so much better than it was. Hanging out with her in the pasture. Riding for fun. Just sitting with her in her stall. I feel like I’m still somewhat scared of her after the kicking incident, but I’m slowly getting over that. I love her. I truly do. I am so grateful to have her in my life. She has been so sweet and saucy. And I feel like a good rider most of the time. I’m very grateful for things slowly going back to how they were in this regard; getting my relationship with my horse back.

Classes spring semester were again, a struggle. I just barely passed some and failed others. Mental health things, you know. Hard to pass a class when you can hardly ever go to class. Summer semester, I started off strong, but ended up dropping all my classes and taking the summer off, per my dad’s suggestion. Fall semester, I did all online, and I was able to keep up, for the most part. I passed all my classes and finally got taken off probation and put back into good-standing. For the first time since being at the U, my semester gpa was above a 2.0.

I attempted therapy multiple times, found one I liked, but the commute was 4 hours rt, so I quit fast. I recently found another, and so far, it’s alright. It’s progress, you know? Progress is important. 

I did a summer internship with the Start By Believing campaign in Salt Lake. Such an incredible experience; I felt like I was actually making a difference, and so amazing to be working alongside like-minded and determined people. 

I lost ten pounds, and have reached a point with my body where I don’t feel absolutely terrible if I overeat. I’m only 15 lbs away from my goal weight, something I can easily achieve through working out regularly and eating healthfully. Here’s to that in 2018.

I learned soooooo much about makeup, skin care, and hair care. I started investing in high end makeup. I started actually cleansing my face and exfoliating and moisturizing and all of that. I started using hair oils and the like. I can’t believe I didn’t do all of this before, especially with my dry skin and hair, but now, skin care is one of my favorite things. Sephora’s quickly become my favorite store. My hair is actually soft and silky all the time.

I went on accutane, and it’s finally starting to clear my skin! The only side effect I’ve experienced has been the extreme dryness everyone does. 

After moving back in with my family in July, my relationships with all of them have increasingly gotten better. It’s good. So good. I really regret having grown so distant over the course of college, but I’m doing my best to mend things. Thanksgiving was good; Christmas was even better. I feel like I got everyone great gifts. And I’m grateful things are better. 

I started regaining interest in things I used to love. Reading for fun. Drawing. Writing. I’ve stopped caring so much about what other people think of me. I’ve started caring more about my health. I feel like I’ve made real steps towards recovery and self-betterment this year. I’ve stopped being so tolerant of not being treated as well as I deserve. I’ve started forcing myself to do things, because I know I’ll regret it later if I don’t. I feel like I’ve made real progress as a person this year. Here’s to more of that in 2018. 

[steamishot]

End of July

i think i’ll be starting my period sometime in the next 24 hours. my friend who i am synced with just started hers this morning. tomorrow, i am using a sick day to go to to dentist. my dentist is in san gabriel- a 20 minute drive east of my home. in the past, i would only take a half day, but then i thought, why am i stressing and rushing myself to go to work when i have all these sick hours. even more so when there’s not much pending at work. so, i plan on going to the dentist in the morning, having lunch in the area, then coming home and painting my living room and kitchen. my dad asked one of his home depot contacts to come work for us lol. i’ll be taping and painting along with him tomorrow so the job gets done faster. just came back from home depot earlier and bought two gallons of shiny luster paint- the same shade and sheen as my room. i also bought a darker grey to paint the borders for contrast. hopefully it looks good. a few weeks ago, our gallon full of coins got topped off. my mom would sit and individually package the coins into the sleeves banks provide whenever we wanted to exchange the coins for cash- this would take her nearly half a day. not sure why we never used coinstar before, but we finally did it. i learned that its an 11% fee if you exchange the coins for cash, but there is no fee when you exchange for a gift card. so, with one gallon full of coins, we got about $350 total- i put about half on a home depot gift card, and half on an amazon gift card. it was funny/so coincidental today that our total came out to be exactly 2 dollars less of our home depot gift card (my dad also had things to buy and we weren’t computing the costs).

events this past weekend: friend’s going away party. she received a scholarship from fullbright- which is a prestigious academic award to represent the US in international affairs. i didn’t realize how honorable it was til today and previously saw it as another “teach english abroad” opportunity. we ate at roe seafood in long beach. i thought the food was pretty bomb- i’d give it a 7/10. however, the more i ate of my scallop porcini pasta- the more water i had to drink. taste wise it was definitely there, but the cheese/carb combo was so damn heavy. i liked the group and it felt easy/natural to socialize (also because i was sitting in between my good friends b and s). in my last blog, i was venting about b, but i realize in the grand scheme of things- the little things i get annoyed by don’t matter. she continued to do the things i got ticked off by over text, but instead of getting irritated, i tried to teach myself to be loving and forgiving and think- she’s not me, i’m not her, don’t think that what i think is the “right” way of doing things is actually right. we had a nice time together that night. good vibes throughout. 

watched lion king with my mom, grandma, bro and wife. i went into the movie having low expectations due to what everyone else was saying, but i enjoyed it. the fact that we got to live through seeing the cartoon version in 1994 to seeing it full in CGI in 2019 is incredible. i love the storyline of lion king. the scene where mufasa dies always gets me. i had to hold back tears during the emotional parts of the movie lol. 

matt’s free time is decreasing and decreasing. he now has to work 6 days a week. he’s at work before i wake up, and still at work after i’m off work. on a GOOD day, he’ll only be at the hospital for about 13 hours, on a bad day, maybe 16 :(. he also has to study outside of work as they have monthly exams. saturday was his one day off during the week and it was kinda sad lol. he has one day to catch up on sleep and he’s too tired to do anything else. he tells me that he doesn’t have time to drink water at work, let alone use the restroom. his lunch consists of downing a soylent. his hospital is severely understaffed and he is doing nurses’ duties (drawing blood, patient care taking). he normally calls me right after he gets off work. i get to talk to him for about an hour or so, while he’s prepping dinner and eating. he then goes shower and gets ready to sleep and i get to see him again for a few minutes before he sleeps. i feel lucky that i’m the one he wants to talk to and see every day. i hope i brighten up his day, as he keeps saying he’s “dying” lol. when he didn’t match into a residency program, he was depressed. now that he’s in residency, it’s also depressing (but at least there is an end in sight). apparently the second and third year residents are super jaded and negative. i wouldn’t be surprised if he became like that in a year lol. on saturday, he called me right before i was going to shower. so i told him that i’ll call him back afterwards. as i got out of the shower, i saw a message from him saying - take your time, i’m gonna go shower too. so i took my time and started getting ready for the going away dinner. he called me 10-15 later and was like “you didn’t call me back!” there was something so satisfying about him being needy and clingy LOL. he’s naturally an independent cerebral person so i love it when he is needy. 

saturday night at like 1am, i got a random text from L asking me about relationship stuff. coincidentally, i couldn’t sleep cus your girl would have been dead asleep by 11 any other day. i’m happy that she felt comfortable enough to reach out to me and share her feelings. i learned that we both are perfectionistic, have unrealistically high expectations, and are quite sensitive. she cares a lot about how others/her friends perceive her relationship. she shared with me an instance where her bf came off a bit rude to her in front of her friends and she felt “very disappointed” in him. if i place myself in her shoes, i can understand why she felt hurt. and if its an reoccurring thing, then i’m sure the pain is stronger. however, being “very disappointed” in your partner for being human is stressful for both you and them because you set unrealistic standards for the relationship. she wasn’t able to let it go and gave the incident more attention than it needed. from hearing her story, i basically saw my problems in someone else. it makes me realize how silly and crazy i am sometimes in making mountains out of molehills. i used to think that it was good to have high standards for your partner, and i often felt disappointed by my last partner. i think it reflected more on myself than him- my needs weren’t being met, i wasn’t happy in the relationship, i stayed with an incompatible partner, etc. having “high” standards is only valuable if the standards are attainable and something that can be worked towards. 

i feel very happy with my current partner. being away from him for almost two months now has allowed me time to reflect on us and myself. i’m way more forgiving with the distance, and considerate about his new schedule and circumstance. in my last relationship, i started seeing the flaws around 8/9 month mark. and if i was smart and experienced enough, i would have realized those were dealbreakers (because in the end, i broke up with him for the same reasons). coming up on 9 months with matt, i feel secure and that our issues are small issues. we’re able to get along and have similar values and ideals. 

his words can sometimes come off harsh but i’ve gotten used to it and actually really appreciate him being honest and constructive with me. a week or so before he left, i was hanging out in his room. i forgot what we were talking about before but he said, “you would be much much prettier if you worked out. not that you don’t look good now, but you would look better if you worked out.” i was a little bothered by that at first, but realized he is 100% correct. i never paid attention to my body much before- but skinny fat is not a good look or feel. my bikini pics in hawaii were meh lol i was flabby, weak and out of shape. i started working out recently with dumbbells and find it so fun- more efficient work out than without any equipment. working out also helps my face maintain its shape. i realized in the past months my face started looking more bloated and fat. i’ve even received comments from two of my older friends - “you got fatter. but just in your face.” i was never mindful of how my diet and exercise routine affected how i looked. which is really dumb as a human lol. i kinda wish i was more athletic when i was younger because i’m almost just starting from scratch now. however, i am grateful that i was at least somewhat active (hiking here and there, walking, leisurely workouts) in the last few years. so, he helped me gain weight to be at a normal range (this is the heaviest i’ve been my whole life). now it’s my job to tone myself. i’ve been saying this for some time, but i’m getting more cognizant about fitness which will help the consistency. 

throughout our time together, he’s only lost his patience/raised his voice a little twice during arguments. the last time he did actually helped so much in putting me in my place. he is very smart and makes pretty good arguments sometimes haha. the last time, it made me realize that it’s better to nourish my relationship rather than bring drama into it. since then, i’ve thought twice about bringing up small issues that i can learn to let go. i love that he pushes and inspires me to be better and to be hardworking. and i’m glad i’m pretty receptive to his ideas. 

i read old conversations with my past partner today. it was super cringy. i come off as cold, inquisitive, and serious and he comes off as immature, emotional and uninterested in my thoughts. even reading through our messages now i felt the frustration i felt when i was talking to him then. i felt i was always trying to change him into the person i wanted him to become. i saw the potential but i didnt see the person he was. to me, he was gross, trashy and had many insecurities. the more separated i am from it, the more i am disgusted with myself for choosing that lol. however, i am grateful for what he taught me, which was what attracted me to him in the first place- how to be intimate emotionally and physically, how to talk about feelings, how to communicate, how to talk about more difficult subjects, how to bring up issues, how to understand what i’m feeling, etc. 

[nottellingu]

A/N: A teacher!lily / singledad!james au because my school reopened. Well it’s three weeks past so . . .

Read it on ff.net

“Just one more.”

“No Dad, we’ll be late,” Five year old Harry Potter whined. But nonetheless he posed for another photo.

James Potter clicked away on his phone. With his toothy grin and his too-big-Bob-the-Builder-backpack, Harry was the most adorable kid to ever walk the earth.

“Da-ad,” Harry whined again.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” James slipped his phone into his pocket and took his son’s hand. Together they began walking to the red school building.”

When they finally found the right classroom, there was a young teacher in a pretty floral dress standing outside the classroom.

“Hello. I’m your new teacher, Ms. Evans.”

Harry half hid himself behind James’ leg. “I’m Harry Potter,” he said shyly.

Ms. Evans knelt down. “Hi Harry, do you like fingerpainting?”

“I haven’t tried it.”

“Would you like to?”

Harry nodded and came out from behind James’ legs.

“Good. I like people who try new things. I think we’ll be great friends. Do you know why?” Ms. Evans leaned in closer to Harry and whispered so softly James had to strain his ears to hear. “We both have green eyes.”

And sure enough, they both did have the same green eyes. It was uncanny, really. James didn’t know where Harry got his eyes from. He had only met Harry’s mother twice in his life – once for a quick screw in the club bathroom and then the day she dumped Harry in his arms – and both those times he hadn’t really paid attention to the colour of her eyes.

Ms. Evans’ eyes were beautiful - the kind you could write poetry about, the kind you could get lost in, the kind that could cure any ailment, the kind that could -

“We do!” Harry exclaimed loudly. Ms. Evans laughed. James shook himself out of his reverie.

“Well then,” she started saying and took Harry’s hand to lead him inside the class. “Let’s go.”

Harry walked a few steps before stopping.

“What’s wrong?” Ms. Evans looked down and frowned slightly at him.

“Can my Dad come too?” He asked timidly. “He’s my bestest friend.”

“Oh, no bud. Remember we discussed this - ” James began but Mrs. Evans cut him off.

“It’s fine, Mr. Potter. Parents are allowed to sit with their children today for an hour. It’s sort of an orientation class.” She turned her head to smile at a new mother-daughter duo. “I’m sorry, I have to greet the others. You can help Harry find his place, his name is stuck on it.” With a parting smile, she left.

James walked over to Harry to help him find his seat. They sat down and James asked Harry how he liked his new class.

“I like Ms. Evans,” Harry said decisively and turned to talk to the red haired boy next to him.

“Me too,” James agreed silently while watching the attractive teacher interact with her students.

James pulled out his phone to text his best friend, Sirius.

James Potter to Sirius Black: ill b 1 hour late orientation class with harry

Sirius Black: i’ll cover 4 u. as usual.

Sirius Black: how’s d lil bugger?

James Potter: he likes his new teacher

Sirius Black: she fit??????

James Potter: the fittest

James Potter: green eyes

Sirius Black: haha u r so fucked

James Potter: i kno

Ms. Evans wished everyone a Good Morning and he put his phone away.

“Welcome to kindergarten! Since it’s your first class I thought we could start with something fun. I’m going to give you all a white paper and some paints. You can use your fingerprints to make a cool picture with your parents. Does that sound fun?”

There were a few mumbled ‘yes’es, some remained silent but most talked amongst themselves.

She distributed the paper and gave each table a set of paints. Harry and James dipped their fingers in the various paints to make a pot of flowers. James’ huge thumbprints became the brown flowerpot and Harry’s tiny fingerprints became the colourful flowers.

“What pretty flowers,” Ms. Evans commented from behind James.

“Thanks Ms. Evans,” Harry beamed and proceeded to press his finger on the paper with a renewed zeal.

“It’s a pot of flowers because we’re the Potters. Get it?” James was awarded with a light tinkling laugh for his joke. His stomach swooped.

“Very clever.” She grinned before moving over to the next desk.

.

When it was time for the parents to leave Ms. Evans made announcement.

“On your child’s desk, I’ve kept a file for the parents. One set of papers are forms for emergency contacts, allergies and other such details. I would appreciate it if that form could be filled and handed over to the office in three days. Another paper has all my contact details. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you have any trouble.”

James found the blue file she was talking of and immediately flipped to her contact details.

Lily Evans

Phone Number: 7639847906

Email: lilyevans60@gmail.com

If you wish to meet with me in person, you may do so during the lunch break, 12:00 – 1:00.

James saved the number into his phone at once. For Harry’s sake only and not for any other reason.

(Yeah, right.)

.

As the weeks passed, Harry grew steadily fonder of Ms. Evans. It was Ms. Evans this and Ms. Evans that. Not that James minded. Not in the least. In fact, James too grew steadily fond of Ms. Evans with each of Harry’s stories about her, not to mention the small smiles she would give him when he picked up Harry from school.

One afternoon, as James was collecting Harry from school, Ms. Evans stopped him.

“Mr. Potter, I would like to talk to you for a minute.”

“Er-sure.”

“Harry, why don’t you go draw me picture?” Ms. Evans suggested. She pulled out some crayons and a paper and settled Harry in a seat in the corner. She gestured for James to follow him to the teacher’s desk.

“Mr. Potter, I think your son needs glasses.”

“Glasses?”

“Yes, he has a hard time seeing the board. Perhaps this weekend you or your wife could take him to the ophthalmologist on Third Street.”

“I’m not married but will do. Thanks.”

Ms. Evans smiled at him and his brain turned to mush.

“Bye Harry,” Ms. Evans waved to them as they were leaving. “Goodbye Mr. Potter.”

.

James Potter to Lily Evans: i took Harry to d doc  

James Potter: u were right  

James Potter: he needs glasses

James Potter: btw this is james

James Potter: james potter

Lily Evans: if u were tryin to do bond james bond that was a MASSIVE FAILURE

Lily Evans: glad to help :)

James Potter: help show dat i’m a failure?

Lily Evans: NO. help harry.

Lily Evans: tho that was fun 2.

James Potter: i’m offended

.

James Potter to PETE HAS A DATE! The world ends at 8:30 tonight: she txts lyk me

James Potter: and congrats Pete

James Potter: what did u do

James Potter: blackmail her

Sirius Black: haha good one

Peter Pettigrew: i hate u both

Remus Lupin: Who texts like you?

Sirius Black: who else? harry’s teacher. the one he FANCIES

Peter Pettigrew: u r pathetic

Reums Lupin: I second that.

James Potter: she is a nice person with a cute cat

Remus Lupin: How do you know that?

James Potter: . . . . . . . . i found her ig

Sirius Black: fyi I’m facepalming

James Potter: she posts pics of her cat

James Potter: her bf

James Potter:  or her cat and bf

James Potter: her captions r puns and funny jokes

Peter Pettigrew: she has a boyfriend?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Remus Lupin: Again, you are pathetic.

Sirius Black: Say aye if u think Prongs is pathetic and needs a shag

Remus Lupin: aye

Peter Pettigrew: aye

Sirius Black: AYEEEEEE

James Potter: NAYYYYYYYY

James Potter: BF AS IN BEST FRIEND

James Potter: @marmarlovesbonbons

Sirius Black changed group name to James Potter is the new CEO of Stalker™

James Potter changed group name to NO I’M NOT

Remus Lupin: It’s not too late. You can still get help.

James Potter: blocked

James Potter: gtg harry spilled milk

Remus Lupin: Good riddance.

.

On Monday morning James dropped Harry bright and early unlike most days on which they managed to reach in the nick of time. In fact Harry was the third in class; the other two were a boy with blonde hair and a girl with bushy brown hair who James recognized as Hermione Granger and one of Harry’s best friends.

“You’re early,” Ms. Evans said. Then she noticed Harry’s new glasses.  “You got glasses!”

“They’re just like my Dad’s.” Harry said proudly. Harry had chosen the round, wire-rimmed spectacles despite the doctor telling him he looked adorable in the glasses with the green, rectangular frames.

“You look handsome, just like your Dad.”

“Thanks, Ms. Evans,” Harry beamed. “I’m going to show Hermione my new glasses. Bye Dad!” Harry quickly walked up to Hermione, leaving the two adults alone.

“You think I’m handsome?”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I think Harry’s cute.”

“No, I don’t think that’s what you said. You said that Harry looks handsome, just like his dad.”

A slight flush coloured her cheeks, making her look very appealing. “I’ve got lessons to plan,” she said in a small voice and turned away from James, purposefully ducking her head.

James laughed.

.

James Potter to The Lads and the Dad: she thinks i’m handsome

Remus Lupin: Not this again.

Sirius Black: poor ms. evans

Sirius Black: I didn’t kno she was blind.

Peter Pettigrew: ahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH

James Potter removed Sirius Black

Remus Lupin added Sirius Black

Sirius Black removed James Potter

Sirius Black changed group name to The Lads

Remus Lupin added James Potter

James Potter changed group name to The Lads and the HANDSOME Dad

Remus Lupin removed James Potter

.

“I want chocolate fudge,” Harry told Sirius.

It was Sirius’ birthday and Harry, James and all his friends were out at the ice cream parlor in a mall. The mall was a shoddy building which had once been the office of a company that went bankrupt. Nobody cared for the mall much but it was home to the best ice cream parlor in the world, namely Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor.

Before Harry was born, all the lads would have gone to a pub and gotten completely sloshed. But the last time they did that, Harry was conceived. Now they stuck to ice cream parlors and arcades.

“For me too,” Remus added while Peter nodded in agreement.

“You’re buying your own ice cream. I’m only sponsoring the little twerp,” Sirius said and ruffled Harry’s hair goodnaturedly.

“Harry, what did Ms. Evans teach you yesterday?” Peter asked.

“That we must be kind and help those in need.”

“Don’t you think Uncle Sirius should be kind and help those in need?” Remus pursued.

“Yes.”

“And how can he help us?” asked Peter.

“By buying everyone ice cream.” Harry said. Peter and Remus smirked, James laughed, Sirius grumbled words which made James smack him over the head.

James, Harry and Peter found a table by the window while Sirius and Remus went to order the ice cream. James fiddled with his phone as Peter taught Harry how to make a swan out of the cheap paper napkins on the table. James didn’t pay much attention until Harry shouted, “Ms. Evans!”

James turned to look where Harry was looking. Ms. Evans stood by a nearby table, a shopping bag in one hand and the other hand balanced her vanilla ice cream. She wasn’t wearing the skirts or dresses that James was accustomed to seeing her in but was wearing ratty jeans and a t-shirt that advertised her love for The Beatles. James decided that Lily Evans was the type of person who looked good in anything she wore.

Ms. Evans saw them and smiled in recognition. She walked over to the table where they sat.

“Hello Harry, what are you doing here?”

“It’s Uncle Sirius’ birthday.”

“Well, tell him I say Happy Birthday.”

“Look! He’s over there.” Harry pointed to where Sirius and Remus were making their way back to the table.

They set down the ice cream.  Harry was happy to ignore the grown-ups around him and dug into his ice cream.

“Happy Birthday,” Ms. Evans warmly wished Sirius.

“Thanks,” Sirius replied chirpily. “You must be Ms. Evans.”

“How did you know?”

“Harry talks of you all the time.” Sirius pointedly looked at James as he said the last three words. James ignored him.

“He talks of you too.”

Peter, who had finished making his swan, tuned into the conversation. “Wait, you’re Ms. Evans?”

“Yes, Pete. Please keep up,” Sirius commented.

“The one and only,” she grinned.

“Cheers. You got us free ice cream.”

“Erm, thanks.” Ms. Evans seemed confused. “I think.”

“Don’t worry. It’s a compliment.” Remus said.

“I should hope so. You must be Uncle Remus.”

“I should hope so,” Remus echoed and Lily laughed.

James finally seemed to find his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Why Mr. Potter, are you one of those people who believe teachers live in school?”

“Uh, no?” James said almost as if he was doubtful.

“I ran out of Ribena,” she shrugged.

Sirius grinned at the mention of his favourite non-alcoholic drink. “I like her.”

Just then a tall, blonde woman joined Ms. Evans and James recognised her at once. “The paper towels in the loo are shi-” she began to say.

“Marlene,” Ms. Evans cut in. Her eyes pointed to Harry who was examining the new lady inquisitively. “This is my student, Harry, his father and various uncles.”

“Oh hello,” she mumbled sheepishly. The others just nodded. “The paper towels in the loo are shitake mushrooms.”

“Shitake mushrooms?” Harry asked curiously.

“Yeah, I hate shitake mushrooms. Bleh.” She screwed up her face to make an exaggerated, funny face.

Harry giggled. “I hate onions. They make your mouth smelly.” He then resumed eating his ice cream and tuned out of the conversation.

“Are you @marmarlovesbonbons?” Sirius asked.

“Yes.” Marlene narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him and even Ms. Evans regarded him questioningly.

It was mark of their friendship that Sirius didn’t even wince when James stomped on his foot; he had been anticipating it.

“I think you came on my suggested once,” Sirius explained.

“Right,” Marlene replied dubiously. She turned to Ms. Evans. “I think we’d better go, Lily.”

“Yeah. Nice meeting you,” Ms. Evans told the boys. “Goodbye Mr. Potter. I’ll see you for the parent-teacher meeting on Monday. Bye Harry!”

There were ‘Byes and ‘Goodbyes’ said in a variety of tones from all around the table. James watched her leave until the last strand of her auburn hair disappeared from sight.

“I like Ms. Evans’ friend,” Harry declared as he finished his cup of ice cream.

“Do you like Ms. Evans?” Sirius had a devious glint in his stormy eyes.

“I love Ms. Evans.”

“Your Dad likes Ms. Evans too.”

“Sirus,” James warned but Sirius ignored him.

“How would you feel if they got married?” Sirius persisted.

“You mean Ms. Evans would be my Mummy? That would be so cool.” Harry was thrilled. “Dad, are you going to marry Ms. Evans?”

“No, Harry. Your Uncle Sirius is just being stupid.”

“Harry! James said a bad word. Take five quid from him.”

“Stupid is not a bad word,” Harry said sagely

“What?” Sirius cried. “Last week I gave you two pounds for saying stupid.”

“Ms. Evans says stupid.”

“Really?”

“She says ‘stupid chalk’, ‘stupid shoes’, ‘stupid pencil’, ‘stupid stapler’ . . .” Harry went on.

Stupid became James’ new favourite word.

.

Come Monday afternoon, James felt jittery. He had never felt this anxious for a parent-teacher meeting, not even when his parents were called to the principal’s office after he flooded the school hallway.

As usual, he was one of the last parents to arrive. Ms. Evans was talking to a mother and father, while two children were playing with legos in the corner of the classroom, one of them being his own son. When James entered, Ms. Evans finished talking to the other parents. She gestured for James to sit in the seats the other couple had occupied moments before.

“Good Afternoon, Mr. Potter.”

On an impulse he said, “James.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You can call me James.”

“All right then,” Ms. Evans smiled and she stuck her hand out, “I’m Lily.”

James shook her hand and it was as soft as he had expected. “Nice to meet you ,Lily.”

“Harry is a good kid. He’s friendly with his classmates though at times he fights with Draco.”

“That kid deserves it,” James said darkly. He had heard all the stories of Draco cutting in line and Draco stealing Neville’s ball.

“Be that as it may,” Lily continued, amused. “Fighting with students is frowned upon. Harry is also very curious about the world but perhaps it would be best to teach him that living animals belong outside and not in his pocket.”

James laughed. And then shuddered. He remembered having to scrape out a dead lizard form Harry’s pockets when he was doing the laundry yesterday.

“Another thing I’d like to discuss is that lately Harry has taken to calling me Mum.”

James cringed.

“I know it must be difficult without a mother but no matter what I say he isn’t stopping.”

“That’s just a joke between him and Sirius.”

“Oh?”

Well. . . what to say? What to say, indeed.

“Sirius might have told Harry that I like you.”

“Oh?” Her expression remained unreadable.

“Yeah.” Now that that was out in the open, James might as well expose all his cards. “In fact, I really like you and would love it if you’d grab some lunch with me.”

James was hyper aware of everything as the seconds dragged on –the way Lily’s lips had parted ever so slightly, the way her eyes had widened fractionally, the way his palms were becoming disgustingly sweaty and how dry his throat was becoming.

“I’m sorry,” Lily finally said apologetically. “There’s a rule that teachers can’t date their students’ parents.” James’ face must have shown disappointment because she quickly amended, “And I’m not just making an excuse. I genuinely like you too.”

James brightened at that admission.

“But I’d like to stick to the rules,” she finished.

James leaned over the table separating them. “But would you be open to a date when Harry’s in grade one?”

Lily smiled coyly, “Maybe.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes.”

She laughed and Harry, who was now the only student in the classroom, came running to know what was so funny.

“Nothing, Harry. Ms. Evans and I just made a deal.” James and Lily shared a secret smile.

“That you’re going to get married?”

Lily sputtered a bit behind the desk but James didn’t take his eyes off her while answering Harry.

“Maybe.”

[surveysonfleek]

303.

Which is worse: being sexist or racist? they’re honestly as bad as each other. What is the most expensive item someone has stolen from you? thankfully nothing tbh. the one thing that was stolen from me that i honestly cannot let go was my digimon when i was a kid. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? not a real crush. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? spongebob.

Tell me something nerdy about you. i fucking love board games. i don’t play them that often just coz none of my friends love them as much as i do :(

Chili or Spaghetti? probably spaghetti only coz i haven’t tried chili. it’s not really a thing here in australia. Would you cheat on your bf/gf if it meant sleeping with your celeb crush? nope. i’d be happy enough just to meet them. Channing Tatum or Brad Pitt? neither. Describe the weirdest thing you have in your house. there’s probably a million things, just can’t think of anything. What’s your favourite kind of cheese? camembert and bocconcini.  Quote a line from your favourite song. i’ve always loved the spill canvas’ ‘so tonight i’ll sit and pick apart your pictures, and overanalyse your words’ coz it spoke to me harrrrd as a teen lmao. Console, handheld, or computer games? console. Are you grumpy when you’re tired? yep. Do you normally eat turkey on thanksgiving? i don’t celebrate thanksgiving. Do you have a favourite pair of socks? yes. Could you ever consider being a garbage man? yeah only because i heard they get paid really well. How old do you want to live to? as old as possible. i’d love to make it to see my grandkids. At what age did you stop/will you stop trick-or-treating? maybe 13? When was the last time you went to McDonald’s? a month ago. What did you order? a cheeseburger. Do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) that’d be ideal but therein lies a problem of people taking advantage of it. Do you like cheesecake? not really tbh. Would you rather drink at a party or just with a few of your close friends? with a few close friends. Coffee or hot chocolate? hot choc. Do you prefer cars, trucks, or vans? cars. Which fast food restaurant has the best fries? mcdonalds. What band do you never get tired of listening to? i don’t like many bands tbh. Do you have anything that belongs to an ex? no. Do you put marshmallows in your hot chocolate? if it’s avail, then yeah. Does it bother you when dogs lick you? no, but i’ll make an effort to wash my hands after. Do you have a fire place in your house? no. How do you like your steak? medium rare. Do you feed your pets human food? yeah. we mix rice with his dog food sometimes. What is the last thing you lost? my damn eos hand lotion. What is something you will never do? meth. Jeans or sweatpants? sweatpants. Would you ever marry your current boyfriend/girlfriend? yeah. What is the best thing you can draw? i can’t draw for shit. Do you like country music? no. Slipknot or Stone Sour? neither. What is the last thing you bought from a vending machine? probably a drink. What band did you see for your first concert? i can’t even recall if i’ve ever seen a band. my first concert was lady gaga lol.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Planning a romantic weekend away

Jimmy: Gracie came at me earlier. There was mistletoe up and I near fully hit the floor 😎 Jimmy: Hold fire though. She only wanted to tell me to convince you of summat. Pretty sure you already know what it is Janis: Erm...Father Christmas is really real? That her weave isn't from dead Brazilian hookers? Janis: Enlighten me or I'll tell her she's got a holiday free pass on you 😈 Jimmy: Double date. Need I say more 😡 Janis: FUCK. I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Janis: How far does she expect the season of goodwill to extend, like? Already got some poor cunt being a charitable home for her arse so she don't freeze Janis: Single tear. Janis: Question is, can we make it worth it enough for us to endure that shite? Hmm Jimmy: I almost got my arse to church so it wouldn't. Shoulda sucked off that priest when he asked. Too late? Jimmy: You better get me a top notch pressie, baby 😏 Janis: You know you ain't on the nice list 😉 Janis: So, Santa might be dissing but you'll be getting something extra special from me Janis: As for God, and his holly jolly perverted following, I reckon we're both shit out of 🍀 there, no matter how good our head game is, such is life Janis: Grah, I hear she does shoutouts now...want that 'influencer' clout, baby? Not double entendre my end but might be for GracieGuru 🙊😂 Jimmy: what the fuck we going to do then? No way I'm hanging with her and her latest 'boo boy' Jimmy: Even if I was getting paid, which is likely since she just loves common grounds Janis: Preaching to the choir, dickhead, ain't my idea of a good time either, or hers let's be fucking real. She just wants to dry-hump a slab of boy in front of you on the off chance that really gets you going for her Janis: You wouldn't call her brainy, bless Janis: Idk, don't worry about it, Jim. Just avoid her/the flat whites like the plague and I'll have to literally run away like I'm an angsty 12 year old so we can't be located, even with friend finder or whatever they stalk each other with Janis: Oooh! Just call me brains, we should pretend to have a romantic weekend away planned, that'll send her over the edge, that is her everything goals Janis: Like I said, I can hide from a hoe Jimmy: I knew there was a reason I kept you about Jimmy: Let's do it though. Easier to take than fake the 'gram Jimmy: Any ideas? 🤔 Jimmy: Most of my boltholes are far from yours and not very enviable for that crowd #it'sgrimupnorth Janis: Yeah, why do you tbh? Janis: Now its clear my sister has got no respect for anyone on her hunt for dick/self-esteem Janis: She's hoping its a twofer like Janis: I don't know if I can stand you for that long, darling Janis: But I SUPPOSE your the lesser of two evils here 😉 Jimmy: It's love 💕 Jimmy: Come on, it'll be a laff. I'll get the beers in Jimmy: You can try harder to beat me at darts and pool Janis: As far as the adoring fans/salty haterz are concerned Janis: and that's all that matters Janis: bitch i don't have to try! 😤 you put me off last time with ur mooning 😍 Janis: we don't need to convince the old fellas in the boozer Jimmy: Fuck off I was getting practice in! Jimmy: If you're ready to fake a break up say the word but until then, it takes a lot of work to give you the puppy dog eyes. I'm not Twix Janis: Sure you was 😂 Janis: N'awwh but you do it so well! Janis: Audition for the School play whilst ur at it, soft lad Jimmy: I do enough fake snogging without signing myself up for that bollocks Jimmy: You coming away with me then or not? Jimmy: You know your sister'll be in again nagging before shift's end Janis: Well, when you put it like that Janis: 😒 Janis: I ain't got nothing better to do, and I certainly ain't third wheeling her fake date Janis: My grandparents got a place down skerries Janis: we can crash there Jimmy: How many rooms they got? My dad's working so I'll have to bring the ramble with Jimmy: #goals I know Janis: Fucking hell, my pissing sister! She owes you more than she's spending on coffee for the hassle she's causing Janis: If you really can't, don't worry, I'll sort her. She'll be unbearable when she finds out it was all for a laugh but it was at her expense so how much of a mug can she actually make me feel? 😑 Janis: That said, there's 3 rooms, its only a caravan don't get excited but the kids would probably be buzzin', it is pretty nice down there Janis: I'll even let you have the double bed to yourself Janis: ol Janis: l Jimmy: It'll stop them nagging me about going somewhere other than the park that'll do me Jimmy: Cass talks big but she isn't even really so doable Jimmy: Don't be getting any ideas though 😍😉 my brother hasn't slept well since we moved. I'll be sharing that double like it or not Jimmy: What a way to spend my first proper time off since I started #blessed Janis: Yeah, fish and chips on the beach even tho its fucking baltic, chasing Twix will keep 'em warm, you'll earn major big brother points as well as bae ones Janis: What a mighty fine man Janis: Same here, Cass. Shh about it though Janis: Like you said, it'll be a laugh, we can make it one Janis: You'd really rather be making pinkity drinkidies or whatever the fuck they are? Jimmy: Nope. But your 1st romantic break usually is. Any talent there is in all grans playing bingo? Jimmy: Be nice to get something off the 'gram 💋 Janis: I ain't been since I was about 9 Janis: I wasn't after bitches then and I ain't now Janis: I wish you luck, 2 kids hanging on your arm and a woman back home, like Janis: Does it for some. Jimmy: I'd do some talking first to get things clear I'm not tall Tammy 😂 Jimmy: Bet you were a right cute kid, weren't you? Aww Janis: Again, have fun explaining that one, mate. I'd struggle with the concept and I'm in on it. Janis: Adorable. What happened? Jimmy: Shut up you know what you look like, mate Janis: A butch lezza? Janis: So I've been told 👍 Jimmy: That's not what they are saying anymore. Check my comments sometime. The lads are gagging for you now Janis: Goody gumdrops. Janis: I'll leave my knickers at the door, like Jimmy: You could like. I've been waiting for you to drop me as your fake bf since this whole thing started Janis: I'm not interested in any of them. Janis: Would your world be set alight by Aaron O'Reilly from form? Janis: If you wanna cop off with some of your fans don't let me stop you Jimmy: You aren't. They're not my type anymore than Aaron's yours. I'm just saying you take a crackin pic and I should know since I'm the one takin 'em. So you don't need to spout that crap. They're just jealous of how much of a butch lezza you aren't Janis: Alright. Well, you're not half bad at taking snaps, and not in the bullshit way every hoe thinks they know their angles and magic lighting these days, you're actually decent. Janis: It don't feel like crap when Janis: blah, meant to delete that, ignore it Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Wanna help me with my art project while we're away then? Kill all the birds (hopefully not with my flash) Jimmy: I'll owe you again Janis: I won't even joke on you for being a swot 🤓🤞 Janis: What've you got planned? Jimmy: I haven't had any time to think yet beyond film being the medium but Jimmy: #workinprogress Jimmy: with a muse like you m'dear how could I go wrong 💕 Janis: 😜 Janis: just so you know, i ain't bringing any homework but put my name or yours, yeah? 😘 not even in art but might count for something Janis: clue me in tho, brainiac, what do the kiddos like? i'll get 'em something Jimmy: Rookie mistake mate, art's an easy A Jimmy: They'll take anything covered in sugar. Can't say I'll love you for it when they crash mid journey though Janis: Only 'cos you're good at it. With my genes I should be but I can barely draw a stickman. Janis: I'll stick with double sports, sports science and science 👌 Janis: I'll keep sweets in stock for bribery, goes without sayin'! Different pocket to Twix' fish treats, though Janis: I'll have a look down town Jimmy: 😂 did you see that article doin the rounds about the mum who bought her kid a cat's advent calendar Janis: 😂 Yes! Shame catnip don't work like on us like it does cats, that kid would be pingin' Janis: Might get meself some, like Jimmy: What gets dogs off their heads? I'll keep Twix well clear Jimmy: She's high enough on your 😍 Janis: I don't know, actually...telling them they're good bois? Janis: Works for you boo 😘 Jimmy: I prefer being called a very bad boy 😎 Janis: You clown 😂 Janis: Good to know, suppose. Dirty weekend away though it ain't Jimmy: what our fans don't know won't break their jealous hearts Jimmy: you coming in for your freebies today or shall I do a delivery your way once Grace is home? 😉 Janis: Kick it really cliche and be my sexy delivery boy Janis: Try and bring something with sausage in so I can come at you with the quality porn writing Jimmy: Live your fantasies as well as your sister's if you want, my name tag says Jonathon today Janis: Ooh, spicing it up with some roleplay like we're middle-aged okay Janis: How boring are you that you've picked a name so similar to your own...this is why we've hit a dry patch, Jimothy! Jimmy: What would you seriously pick? Janis: For you? Janis: Who's a fittie... Janis: Anthony Joshua could get it Janis: You don't want to be in the play but reckon you can stretch to that? Jimmy: Next time I lose my name tag I'll insist on that. For the bae 💕 Jimmy: About as close as I'll get I think Janis: Who do you want? Janis: I wanna know your type Janis: Bar Tall Tammy Jimmy: Your sister obviously Janis: Fuck off, not even funny Janis: If that were true, you know where she lives bitch, I ain't stopping ya, she's practically shoe-horning you in 🤢 Jimmy: I meant the fit older one 😉 Janis: Ohhh Janis: Still, do one 🖕 I'm not pretending to be my sister you freak Jimmy: That's one pretense too far. Got it 😂 Janis: Yeah, in this hypothetical you've really shit the bed, pal. Jimmy: I only half read that because #customers and thought you called me shit in bed mate Janis: well... 😏 Jimmy: I fake rocked your world Janis Cavante! 😂 Janis: you know we faked it so i didn't have to fake it 💅 Jimmy: Aaron O'Reilly's walking through the door want me to slip him your number and end this? 😝 Janis: I will murder you. Janis: also he might think your trying to set up a threeway for YOUR benefit, so if you wanna take over the gay rumours that bad, go for it 💋🍆 Jimmy: I've seen you with a pool cue I think I'm safe Jimmy: Give a shit. At least I actually am butch Janis: Psh, you're all show no grow Janis: We're arm wrestling, then you'll see Jimmy: 💪 I'll beat you at that too then, shall I? 🏆 Janis: Bring it on. I won't make you cry too hard, save face in front of the kiddos. Janis: 'Let' them kick your arse too 😜 Jimmy: Try it, baby girl 😝 Jimmy: Cass probs could no lie. Scrappy af that one Janis: Good girl 👍 Janis: Gotta keep you in check Jimmy: Doubt you'll be calling her that when she's shadowed you all weekend Jimmy: She loves you. Who knows why? Janis: I keep telling you I'm a delight Janis: Has this...how long has it been? Month, 2? Of SHEER BLISS taught you nothing Janis: Ruuuuude. Jimmy: Nope. I'm with Team Bobby. You're a gross meanie Jimmy: As all girls are 😂 Janis: Well I'm winning Bobby 'round this weekend by hook or by crook Janis: then you can please yourself, billy no mates Janis: Team Janis 💪 Jimmy: Every bro knows you can't be friends with your girl Jimmy: DUH Janis: Oh yeah, all straight couples HATE each other and that's #goals Janis: If I can't be chatting shit on you, how will I get to talk about you constantly to my gals? Janis: Singing your praises? I THINK NOT Jimmy: Speaking of, Gracie and co are back on the premise that Tall Tammy left her....something. I wasn't listening. Should I break the news we won't be here for date night or do you want to do the honors Janis: Dignity? That's long gone, honey. Janis: Ooh, lemme do it, you're coming round with the sausage anyway Janis: We can do it together baby Jimmy: awhhh Jimmy: I've hidden the mistletoe but she can see the top of the highest counters!! I'm on borrowed time what do I do? Janis: Headbutt her in the teeth Janis: 'Accidentally' Janis: Can't help being a normal-sized human Jimmy: #customerservice Jimmy: then recommend her our chewy cookies 😂 Janis: You can see why I'm not trying to be your work wifey too, yeah? 😂 Janis: If you can convince any of those girls to break their diet, I'll be impressed Janis: Don't count if they go vom in the bogs after tho Jimmy: Gracie might be on her way already. One of her posse asked what you were getting me for Christmas and I didn't hold back Janis: Oh no, am I about to get slut-shamed? 😲 Janis: Or, heaven forfend, tips Janis: I will die Jimmy: Damn I didn't think of that. Sorry Janis: Its cool Janis: She's all mouth anyway, not in a beneficial to the cause way Janis: Be interesting hearing what she thinks you want, keep ya posted lol Jimmy: 🙌 Can't wait Janis: that's what you're meant to say about my present! Jimmy: I did, swear 🤞 Janis: what do you actually want Jimmy: Don't worry about it Janis: Oh, is it? If I'm not fucking your brains out you're not interested Janis: Fine then, save my reddies. 👍 Jimmy: That's what I was thinking. Stage a break up before 🎄 for max drama and min spends Janis: Cool. If you wanna. Janis: Just don't tell everyone you chucked me 'cos I wouldn't give it up. Already a frigit. Janis: What's the story then? Jimmy: Obviously not. We've been hooking up for ages got to keep it #goals Jimmy: I don't know haven't thought that far ahead it just makes sense to get out before gifting Janis: Yeah. Fair. Janis: Think on and let me know Jimmy: You too. We can brainstorm at the weekend. Nothing but time then Jimmy: Can't break up right after the break though Janis: Would look sus, yeah. Janis: Maybe I'll whup you one too many times, your fragile male ego can't hack it, eh? Jimmy: Grace'd be smug 😩 Jimmy: Can't even fake that, babe Jimmy: Nobody'd believe the story Janis: She's gonna be regardless Janis: I got the shitty end of the stick here like but ain't nowt we can do about it now Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: No we're goals we just burned too bright that's all 😂 Jimmy: You've got way more time served with me than she does any of her boos she doesn't win Janis: Mhmm. Calm down, Icarus. Sure you'll be comparing some other bint on a balcony to the sun in no time. 😘 Janis: Suppose so. Least hers are real, if not short-lived, and, well, shit. Janis: She won't know the difference anyway Jimmy: There's nobody like you 💕 Jimmy: Exactly I'm not going to tell her we weren't real Janis: Bullshit 💕 Janis: True enough, I'll take it. Jimmy: Shit gotta go the boss is back Jimmy: Love you 💕 Janis: Love you too, Jonathon 💕