#a little shorter but making headway

[jacksprostate]

(Part 5, previous)

I end up in the cafeteria, staring at nothing. Mastication is the first step of eating. After getting food. After bringing it to your mouth. After the food has leapt into your hands, you can bring it up to your teeth full of cracks and holes, and you can fill them with pulverized chicken and rice and assorted steamed vegetables. And you swallow. And you’ll do this until you die, whether that’s in three, five weeks, or when you’re seventy-eight. Four days or so, if you don’t drink water. I wonder if Tyler has water, locked in the cage of my mind. I wonder if hallucinations need food, or if there’s some other sort of nourishment he needs. That I haven’t been managing to give him. I know he’d like to chew.

Maybe Tyler was onto something, walking around feeling like a bigger dick than God himself.

That night, I sleep like the dead, and I dream of it, too. The movie set of Paper Street yawns above us. I’ve got Tyler in my hands, his hair tight between my fingers as I fuck his throat. I’m curled over him. I’m giving something up. I’m more powerful than I’ve ever been. Tyler Durden has tears in his eyes and my cock in his mouth, and he’s not biting down. Not yet. There’s a heat to the world, and maybe it’s not ever. I feel drunk. He’s quiet.

We’re at fight club, a crowd of howling monkeys around us, and I won. Tyler’s on the ground, looking at me with pride over his shoulder. I’m pulling him apart and sinking inside. I’m fucking my best friend into the concrete. He’s not making a sound.

We’re in my cubicle. I have a large knife, and I’m gutting Tyler like a fish. And I’m burying my dick in him, and he smiles at me. His intestines writhe as I pull on them, hauling his body to me with each thrust. They want back in. I want back in. He’s warm to the core and cooling.

On top of the Parker-Morris building, I’m fucking a hole through Tyler’s shaved head. A cock is your gun, your gun is a cock, an explosion in one direction and I’ve blown mine though his skull. Pulling the trigger, over and over and over. His brain droops out of the hole. Twitching as cum and blood oozes out. Little bits of bone stick to his fried neutered testicle scalp. Rocky mountain oysters. I can see the head of my cock poking out when I fuck in. Out. In. His eyes are empty on me as I move my hands from his jaw to his temples and dig my fingers in. His brain is like plush velvet. It’s better than his throat. Better than his ass. Better than his guts.

Tyler could not cut a hole in himself better than the one I made for him.

I wake up with a rash on my dick from the pillow jammed under my crotch. They don’t bother with high thread counts, here. Might as well be steel wool.

I eat.

I take my pills.

I’m led to the visitation room.

Marla calls me, her voice floats to me through the aether to come out tinny on the telephone.

“Have you heard from Tyler recently?”

Out of the grave enough for speech and she already wants to butt back in.

I want to tell her, I don’t have any words for her. No messages. I’m sorry. My jaw could have rotted off, for all the use it is, and I stay silent.

“I found this new support group. You’d like it. Tyler could be your boyfriend.”

I’m the only one who’s left. Only Marla and I would know the truth if I smeared it like that.

I want to tell her that I hope she’s having a good time, in the real afterlife. That she’s not stuck some place like I was. I don’t want to ask about it. I don’t think we’ll be going to the same place. Marla might not be a good person, but I’m worse.

Regret and remorse don’t mean shit when you can barely even feel them. It’s cruel, how I’m keeping her ghost around. I was haunting her until death and I can’t even stop after.

[thedudeplayinggalaga2]

See You In The Morning?

Kate Bishop x GN Reader

3K Words

Warnings: Mentions of injury, Angst, Language, Questionable punctuation, I think that's it?

A/N: This is the very first full fic I've ever written and Grammer/Punctuation has never been a strength of mine. I also have no idea if this story makes any sense but I had a good time writing.

You had forgotten to take your ADHD meds this morning, and now you were really paying for it. As you sat at your desk stopping and staring and stopping a multitude of different tasks without actually finishing any of them. 

It was Kate's fault really, she had completely thrown off your routine as she had a tendency to do. It was a rather chaotic routine but it still got you out the door in enough time to grab breakfast and make sure you took your stimulant before getting to work. 

But last night Kate hadn't come home, she had sent you a quick text telling you not to wait up. This happened fairly often since you'd moved in, and she would usually come home at 3 or 4am. But she hadn't made it home till this morning when you'd already been up and getting ready for work. 

You grimaced to yourself thinking about the conversation you'd had with her. 

"How's your other lover?" You'd asked

"Listen I know that's a joke but it's not a very funny one! I'm so sorry, I really am! But this mission I've been working for weeks finally had a big break and I needed to follow this lead! I'm so close to catching this guy!" 

"It was a joke, and I'm glad you made some headway on your mission, but I did feel sad and concerned when I woke up this morning and you still weren't home." You said this to her with your back turned as you made lucky his breakfast. 

You heard Kate get up and walk over to you, she put a hand on your shoulder. You turned to face her and had gotten the first good look at her face since she'd gotten home. You gasped "Kate, that's a pretty nasty cut above your eye! What the hell happened!?"

"I... Well.. you see there was a guy with a bat and.." 

You didn't give her time to finish cause honestly you didn't think you wanted to know the rest. So you'd pulled her into the bathroom and started cleaning and patching up her various wounds before having to rush out the door so you would only be slightly late to work. 

And now here you are, having a highly unproductive day and also worrying about Kate. She had been having way more late nights than normal recently, and pretty much always came home a little beat up. She definitely wasn't getting anywhere near enough sleep, you assumed this was probably why she had been super distant as of late. And last week she had forgotten about Lucky's vet appointment which was probably the most concerning thing of all. 

You've been with Kate long enough to know and understand that this is just what dating a superhero can be like sometimes. But this time it was really starting to effect your relationship for some reason. Things where so inconsistent between the two of you, partly because you never saw each other and partly because when you did Kate didn't talk much about anything of substance. 

As Kate had grown more distant you'd started to get shorter with her, finding less and less patience which you normally had a bottomless amount of for her. You'd also stopped planning dates with her, stopped waiting up for her even if she said she wasn't going to be too late, and you'd been regrettablely a little too harsh with her when she forgot Lucky's appointment and you'd hauled ass across town to take him. 

Sitting at your desk, switching between the same three programs over and over again you started to tear up. You didn't like this, you didn't like feeling so disconnected from her. You hated how you two seemed to be living completely different lives. Because goddamit you loved Kate Bishop so much! You loved being her partner. Kate was absolutely wonderful! She was passionate, brave, and very caring. She used her skills and talents to help other people, something you admired very much about her. She made you feel seen in a way nobody had ever really seen you before. But most of all Kate made you feel safe, not just physically but emotionally too. She had always felt like home. 

----

The subway commute home was never your favorite, it was always so busy this time of day and wildly overstimulating. But you tried to spend the ride figuring out your game plan for when you got home. You wanted to talk to Kate, if she was even home, but you didn't want to create conflict especially if she was going to be leaving again tonight. 

As you walked into your apartment Lucky nearly knocked you to the ground, absolutely showering you in kisses. 

"Ok! Ok! Lucky I love you too! But we talked about this buddy, you can't just jump somebody at the door!" You said pushing him off before giving him a scratch behind the ears. 

You checked that Lucky had water and decided to let him outside as you assumed he'd been inside all day. Then you went to search for Kate. 

You found her passed out in your bed on top of the blankets letting you know she'd falled asleep as soon as she laid down. You smiled though as you noticed she was wearing one of your hoodies and probably your sweatpants too. 

You bent down the kiss the top of her head before settling down next to her in the bed. Stroking some hair out of her face you couldn't help but smile at your beautiful girlfriend and her slightly battered face. 

"What time is it" Kate mumbled so quietly you could barely hear what she said. 

"It's about 4:30 my love." 

"You're home early." 

"Yeah.... I was having a really bad brain day so my manager told me to just go home." You hoped she wouldn't press any further, but that was wishful thinking. 

Kate finally opened her eyes to look at you, worry evident in them. "Must have been a real bad brain day for Stark Industries to suddenly prioritize mental health over productivity." 

You let out a soft laugh, "Well I definitely wasn't being productive so more likely it just seemed like a waste of company time for me to be there." 

Kate sat up against the headboard next to you, looking even more worried, she tapped your forehead softly with her finger "What's goin on up in there?" 

You gave her a half hearted smile, "Well I forgot to take my meds this morning which isn't the end of the world but it definitely didn't help, there's also no way I've had enough protein today, and ...." You trailed off trying to decide if now was really the best time to tell her that you were also very worried about her and about your relationship. You decided against it because honestly you couldn't remember the last time you'd just sat in bed with her and you wanted to keep those vibes goin.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Hope you weren't trying for an Oscar with that performance, because I definitely didn't buy it!" Kate said teasingly. 

You groaned looking up at the ceiling "Sorry Kate, I just feel a little overwhelmed right now." Which was entirely true, you did feel very overwhelmed and your brain was going about 200 miles an hour. 

"That's okay, how about we get some food and take Lucky for a walk?" She said suppressing a yawn. 

"Are you sure? I know you're probably exhausted! You can rest more before you have to go to work." 

Kate put her hand on your face stroking your cheek with her thumb. "Yes I'm sure baby, you're having a bad brain day, so let's get some food in you and take a little walk. Also..... I've missed you." 

You leaned your head into her hand a little. "I've really missed you to my love."

----

Kate treated you to your favorite restaurant that had some outdoor pet friendly seating so Lucky could join. And now you were walking through central parking doing your best to keep Lucky from trying to chase squirrels. 

You'd been walking in silence for a few moments when you finally broke it. "Kate, I was also having a hard time at work today because I was worried about you. And well, also about us...."

Kate slowed down and turned to look at you with a frown on her face "Worried because I was hurt this morning? Because really it was nothing! I appreciate you patching me up, you do a better job than me, but really I'm okay! It looks way worse than it is!" She rambled. 

"Well obviously I don't like it when you come home hurt, but it's more to do with how distant you've been. I know how important what you do is, and I would never ask you not to do it! But... You haven't been home much recently, and when you are you seem so distant...." You trailed off realizing you didn't know where this was going. 

Kate was quiet for what felt like forever but than she said "This guy I'm trying to catch, he's like really really bad, like I would tell you how bad he is but I really don't want to burden you with that knowledge. It's really hard for me not to think about it when I'm home I guess." She was just staring at the ground now as you walked, and the way her demeanor changed you could tell that this was really weighing on her. 

Before you could respond she continued, "But, what did you mean that you're also worried about us?" Her voice getting quieter, almost nervous. 

"Well.... I guess I just feel like we are living two completely different lives, passing like ships in the night hardly ever seeing each other. And when we do it's like you're not actually there, or I'm being grumpy with you. This is the first time in weeks we've actually had dinner together. Kate I love you so so much! But I'm getting worried because I want to support you, but I can't do that if I'm always being shut out."

You sat down on a bench taking Kate's hand in yours as she sat next to you. You studied her face trying to figure out what she was thinking. 

"I don't like shutting you out.... I just want you to be safe and to not have to deal with the things I do." 

"And I do appreciate you leaving out the gruesome details truly, you don't have to tell me everything, but it would be nice if I could at least know what you are feeling sometimes. Because otherwise I have to just try and guess."

Kate nodded her head looking out into the park thoughtfully. "Well right now I'm feeling like I'm absolutely failing at everything! I spent all night tracking that son of a bitch for nothing! I've really dropped the ball on my relationship with you, like I caused a whole ass bad brain day for you! And last week I forgot about Lucky's vet appointment!" 

You opened your mouth to something but Kate quickly cut you off "I swear the god Y/N if you say anything about the vet appointment I'm emailing Pepper Pots to tell her you steal all your really good ideas from your intern!" 

You gasped dramatically clutching your chest for emphasis "Okay! Uncalled for! But Pepper would know you were lying because my intern, bless his heart, couldn't tell you the difference between a PDF and a JPEG with a gun to his head." 

"Okay! So a bad threat but I hope I made my point clear." 

"Yes, I swear to never speak or the vet incident again. And I also will apologize for being so harsh on you about it too." You said more soflty "I definitely could have handled that better, I made it a bigger deal than it needed to be and you didn't deserve that. What I was going to say is thank you for telling me how you're feeling, it helps me understand where you're heads at a bit better." 

You were going to say more but Kate leaned her head on your shoulder and started playing with your fingers causing your brain to short circuit for a half second. 

"Do you think I'm failing?" Kate asked in a whisper. 

You stared at her hand intertwined with yours for a minute before responding. "No Kate, I don't think you're failing, I know this bad dude is giving you a run for your money, but he doesn't know who he's up against! Kate Bishop, the world's greatest archer! You're gonna get him, you always figure it out." 

Kate sat up and gave you another small smile, she looked down at lucky who was now sitting at her feet enthralled with a stick he had found. "What about us? Am I failing at this relationship?" 

"My love, the fact that we are sitting here having this conversation is proof that neither of us are failing." You truly did believe that, and also kind of said it to reassure yourself too because recently you'd been wondering the same thing. "I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be your partner. I knew there would be nights spent without you, secrets I couldn't know, and the occasional missed vet appointment...." 

"Y/N!" Kate said warningly

"Last time I swear!" You said quickly putting your hands up. "But recently you haven't been talking to me about.... Well... Pretty much anything. And I miss you Kate, it feels like you've been gone for weeks and I miss you." 

Kate looked at you with tears in her eyes "God I've missed you too Y/N. I do want to talk to you about how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. I just don't want you to get caught up in all this. I don't want you to get hurt." 

"Well right now it's hurting me to not know anything that's going on with you." 

She nodded "Yeah, I understand, I feel like I don't know what's going on with you right now either, like I don't even know what your current hyper fixation food is and I always know that."

"Well right now it's those little babybel cheeses, but last week it was BBQ chicken pizza from that place down the street from us." 

"I bet Lucky enjoyed that one." Kate leaned down to take Lucky's stick before he shredded it more than he already had. 

"Oh he very much did! Everyday I come home without it he looks at me as if it's the greatest betrayal he's ever experienced." 

Kate stood offering you her had so you could continue your walk. "Y/N I promise that as soon as I catch that bastard my first priority will be making sure we get some quality time together okay? And in the meantime I will be better at communicating." 

"Okay, I love you Kate, and I know you're gonna get him!" 

--- 

You had gotten back home a few minutes ago and you were getting Lucky his dinner. You expected Kate was in your room putting her suit on assuming she would probably be heading out soon. So you were surprised when she walked into the kitchen wearing her signature purple sweatshirt and your sweatpants. 

"I do need to go back out tonight but I thought it'd be nice for both of us if we maybe watched a movie or something before you go to bed?" She asked hopefully. 

This made light up instantly, but then you frowned at the prospect of having to try and pay attention to any entire feature length film. "I would love that, but seeing as I didn't complete even one task at work today I just don't think I'm gonna be able to watch a movie." 

Kate looked thoughtful "Good point, should have thought of that. Okay.... How about we watch TikToks together with New Girl playing in the background?" 

"And that Bishop is possible the best idea you've ever had!" 

So you and Kate spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch doing exactly that. 

---

You and Lucky had just gotten into bed for the night and Kate was getting ready to head out. She came and sat on the edge of the bed leaning in to give you a kiss. "Y/N if I don't get this guy tonight I don't know what else I'm gonna do." 

"Well, have you asked Clint for advice?" 

"No, he's on vacation with his family and I don't want to bother him."

You nodded, being sure that while Clint loved Kate and was always helping her out, he probably wouldn't appreciate his family vacation being interrupted by whatever it was Kate was doing. "Okay, fair, well I'm here for whatever happens. I might not be a superhero but I do work for a very powerful company and Jerry from the biotech department owes me about 20 favors. And I'll be her to patch you up, just try not to break anything cause then I really will have to insist on taking you to the ER." 

Kate gave you a massive grin as she said "You're my superhero though." 

"Okay! That was so cheesy it was physically painful to hear! Imma need you to go now!" 

Kate responded with the first genuine laugh you had heard from her in weeks before leaning in to give you another kiss. 

As she left the room she turned to look at you and Lucky all tucked into bed. "I love you both, I'll see you in the morning?" 

"We love you too! Ummm... If it's not too much to ask, do you think you could bring me breakfast in the morning? I have to do two days worth of work tomorrow and it would help a lot!" 

[dfastback68]

Good news is the library has basically every One Piece book, bad news is I'm in competition with at least two other people so I'm resigned the most non-chronological read of all time bc I'm impatient. They had every book, then suddenly someone took 1-15, so I've been skipping around. No idea what's going on! Love the vibe tho.

Also making some decent headway on the goth fam fic, which is the shorter version of me wanting to write about sailing because I miss sailing. Hitsugibune's gotta be the only way on and off the island during the timeskip, but Mihawk's not about to let anyone take her for a spin, so Perona and Zoro have to either a. learn to sail her or b. prove they can sail her. I'm having fun with it. Mihawk is miserable. So here's a snippet:

--

“I don’t want to do this,” Perona announces. She’s standing at the edge of the dock, twirling her parasol in what Mihawk has come to recognize as a way to diffuse nervous energy. He’s already inside the ship, so she’s looking down at him with a frown on her face, watching him unfurl the sails.

“You said you could sail,” he says. He understands she hasn’t said she can’t, but he has the feeling that asking the exact reason for her sudden hesitation will yield nothing. 

“I can,” she huffs. “I just don’t want to.”

Mihawk looks out towards the bay, where the water is calm and the morning sun hasn’t quite banished the mist. It’s as close to perfect sailing weather as it can get, because they can rely on the current to carry them out. As the temperature rises, the wind will come with it to carry them home. These are the kind of conditions a child can learn to sail on. If she won’t go now…

“I thought you were making Zoro do this, too,” she presses, glancing over her shoulder to where the castle looms in the distance.

“I am. If he finds the docks before we leave, he will join us.”

“I said I wasn’t going!” Perona shouts, rounding on him. “Ugh, quit telling me what to do! All I want is servants, not you bossing us around or - or the smelly monkeys!”

Flipping her parasol to the opposite shoulder, Perona turns and marches back up the dock. The fall of her heels echoes loudly across the water. Mihawk just watches her go. He’s barely even begun getting the ship ready to sail, and already he’s without both intended students.

He sits down at the stern of the boat, and draws his gaze over the bay and the water beyond. Last night there was a red sunset followed by a new moon, and right now it’s low tide. The clouds are fluffy and lazy as they drift across the horizon, and the wind indicator at the top of Hitsugibune’s mast barely flutters.

So: it’ll be a slow start, but pleasant enough once out beyond the bay. After a few hours, once the wind has come back across the sea, he can follow the high tide back to the docks with little trouble.

This is all very straightforward and simple to him. Less simple is determining how to get Zoro here at all, and figure out why Perona has abruptly changed her mind. These are not problems he wants to consider. Not now, or ever really, but he’s going to have to, sooner or later.

For the moment, he decides to take advantage of the weather. He frees the last line and uses the flat of Yoru’s blade to push off from the dock before securing her inside of Hitsugibune, and takes his place at the tiller to steer her out into the bay.

After all, when was the last time he’d sailed just for the sake of sailing?

[kieraelieson]

So I’ve been talking to my husband and boyfriend recently about how much energy I have in terms of a percentage. And then I realized it might be helpful to express it with context- so I made this chart.

Energy Scale:

(This is entirely disregarding tricks such as inducing anxiety, adrenaline, or dissociation. This also disregards motivation and pain, which may affect capabilities)

5% - Put me to bed, I'm so tired. I'm swaying obviously if I stand and my limbs feel heavy.

10% I should be sitting at least. Probably swaying or trembly while standing. Mental work is possible, but only very slowly.

15% I can stand up and walk around decently. I can make myself simple food or do light cleaning that does not involve bending down or lifting anything heavy. I tend to be here a lot. Mental work is possible, and I often will do it.

20% I can do a task! Hooray! It needs to be a relatively gentle task. I tend to overdo it here and get all shaky cause I choose a task that it too intense or too lenthy.

25% I can do a task and Not collapse right after. Cooking or cleaning for half an hour is doable, though I might be panting by the end.

30% I can do something that makes me pant a little and recover from it without flopping. Could go for a walk without ulterior motivation to do so.

35% This is usually where I start planning elaborate tasks. "I'll clean the whole downstairs!" I cannot complete this. But I will make a good headway.

40% I can do things that involve a bit of exercise without feeling terrible. A treadmill walk, a cleaning that involves a lot of up and down, even that requires going up and down the stairs.

45% I might want to do some things to expend energy at this point. Wanting to go outside, to do a social and physical activity like roller skating, or to walk around a historic site or museum.

50% Oh heck, I'm doing so well! I have energy to exist with and energy to spare! I can put Two physical tasks on my list. Maybe a walk to the dog park And deep cleaning the bathrooms. And I won't have to flop for hours afterwards!

55% If I only have mental tasks to do I'll get antsy and do some physical movement spontaneously. I can do an activity that causes panting and sweating for up to half an hour without strong external motivation.

60% A task that takes multiple hours and expends low to medium variable effort won't exhaust me. I am genuinely capable of cleaning the downstairs Without it being the Only thing I do that day.

65% I might seek out physical movement and tasks that tire me out enjoyably. Trampolining, jogging, dancing, all possible intermittently for up to an hour. I'll need breaks, but I won't flop afterwards.

70% I barely know what to do with myself I'm so capable. I may pick medium-low intensity tasks, like cooking, that last 5+ hours, and pair them with a medium or high intensity physical task for a shorter period of time.

75% I don't have problems completing even a quite long task list. I can go shopping, and come home and put away groceries, then clean the kitchen while making dinner. And I'll be fine after dinner with enough left over to clean up the meal.

80% I genuinely need at least one of my tasks this day to be physically tiring. Think when I get all giggly and pace around stomping and wiggling. That is a temporary 80%.

85% Something difficult like rennovations or yard work is a welcome and very doable task, even for 4+ hours, provided I have enough water and a few lil breaks.

90% I can sprint and enjoy it. I may not be capable of sprinting far, but the wind in my face and the movement in my body is Thrilling! I may even do multiple bursts of it.

95% I can take on the world. Throw any task at me. Better yet, throw a Hard task at me. See how much of the house I can clean in an hour, see if I can do a hundred yard dash, put me on a heckin sports field and I might like it.

100% What does this even look like? Playing a physical sport for a few hours and then after a break wanting to go out and do it again? Racing a dog, skipping through a forest, thriving in the sunshine and light of the gorgeous world?

[ladyhindsight]

I have surprisingly little to note about this chapter. I don’t know if I just blanked for the better part of it when I read it, but here it is.

How comme ci comme ça.

Clary wakes up in Jace’s room after the party that was totally not parable for recreational drug use dressed in more youth-friendly clothes. She goes to wash herself of the silvery faerie stuff and realizes she’s lost the faerie ring that was the only way to communicate with Simon. Good job. She goes downstairs and catches Sebastian about to leave somewhere, so naturally—completely unprepared and unarmed—she goes after him.

The PoV changes to Jocelyn. She’s sitting next to Luke’s bed at the station and thinks about The Past.

It was said that the Shadowhunters marry young because their life could be pretty short. Jocelyn tells this to Clary in City of Glass: “Shadowhunters tend to get married earlier than mundanes. Their—our— life spans are shorter; a lot of us die violent deaths. We tend to do everything earlier because of it.”

Of course, the Fairchilds could still be upset about so young people marrying, but it’s an interesting distinction between what the Nephilim generally regard versus individuals, and I need more of that. BUT.

In City of Glass, Jocelyn tells Clary that “I was eighteen when we got married. He was nineteen,” in chapter 17 “The Shadowhunter’s Tale.” Jocelyn also says that she “was young to get married. Still, my family was happy for me—even Luke was happy for me.”

Though her parents can still be happy for her while unhappy about her decision to marry so young, of course, yet that happiness for her regardless of her choice doesn’t come forward here. It’s more like they disapproved and Jocelyn did not let her parents dampen her spirits, not that they were in any way or on any level happy for her.

Additionally, interesting choice of words. Not that she didn’t love Luke, Jocelyn was just sure Luke didn’t love her and therefore there was no one else for her than Valentine. Sneaky. Noice.

Luke then wakes up and they talk.

Jocelyn basically reiterates the same points Isabelle berated her about. And these are great points to make, but they again amount to nothing. It just is as it is and how we arrived here.

Yesss, you caaan. What is this bullshit? Case in point: Jace and Valentine. The Lightwoods. Anyone who disagrees with their parents on anything, and everything that drives children apart from their parents eventually.

Nice pep talk about parenting and how great and right Clary always is. Moving on.

Clary stalks Sebastian and realizes there’s demons about.

I feel like finally the observations of other characters about Clary being rash and thoughtless finally align with each other. And yes, yes, I get that Clary following Sebastian was an opportunity she could not miss and that she did not have time to arm herself.

She makes headway and finds a place with demons who are talking about Plot Things.

Isn’t great how the demons are speaking in English? Not convenient at all, especially since they are in Paris.

Clary then gets herself into trouble with the demons and Sebastian rescues her from her own unpreparedness and stupidity. Clary then again faints which closes the chapter. Much akin to the previous one.

[guns-n-robins]

I know the Arkham Knight is canonically just as tall as mainline Jason, but I desperately want him to be a little shorter when you line him up next to his red-hooded counterparts, both to differentiate him from the multitude of other incarnations and to take into account the gauntlet of punishment that AK was put through. Think about it. He was starved for just over a year while he was still in a growing period, and already had gone through an early childhood in which food security was extremely inconsistent. Moreover, his body was constantly diverting any energy it could spare towards healing injuries sustained during his imprisonment.

Even if he dealt with his starvation ASAP after getting free, which I assume he did, he would still be behind the curve and likely not able to fully catch up as he entered his 20s.

He got the means to thrive from Bruce Wayne, and I'm sure he shot up a few good inches in record time during that, but Joker's treatment would have swiftly put an end to the headway he was making.

[astriiformes]

Still approaching this semester with only the most skittish of optimism because I am a panicky and mentally unhealthy creature who remains in the middle of an ongoing life crisis, but

Having been to at least one day of each of my classes I am actually feeling pretty okay? Excited even? In a way that hasn't really happened since last fall, since last spring even before Scribe got sick I was in the middle of a bad spiral of feeling doomed to fashion myself Icarus (terrified of aiming for achievement because I've failed so many times in the past), and obviously this fall the ongoing curse situation in our household had me in full existential despair mode and the worst depression I've experienced in years.

But this semester is actually starting off okay. I have friends at school now who have been excited to see me & hope to make even more; I am excited about getting to be in one of the school orchestras; I am making headway on pitching an individualized degree that I think may work out well for me; I am in the final editing phase of a blog post for my scicomm internship and have another one I should be able to get written up soon since I did a cool interview over break; I have classes I'm a lot more interested in than last semester.

Ornithology is going to be fun I think, and even though parts of the lab may be a challenge for me the tests are open-note and some days we are just going to go outside to look at birds.

It's my last semester of Norwegian which means some bigger and more intimidating tests but I like the language and my little cohort for that class and the professor knows me well at this point and knows I'm trying & care about his class even when I'm struggling, which means a lot.

I have to take Organic Chemistry but it's not my worst subject and the professor for it actually seems really nice and understanding, and someone from my chem class last semester even reached out to ask if I was taking it again and saved me a seat next to her in the lecture hall, so I've even got a person I could already talk to about studying together.

And my Women, Gender, and Science course in the history of science track is going to be wonderful I think; the professor is so excited and lit up when I talked about why I was interested in the course today (and told me to talk to her about my individualized major plans) and it made me happy to see the "gender" component isn't just a quick nod, there's even a reading by at least one trans scientist on the syllabus. I think I might talk to the professor about the option she gave us to swap out two shorter essays with one longer research paper and ask if I could do something about historical trans men in STEM like James Barry or Alan Hart, just to really get to do some extra with that.

I know that even a good semester for me is still a stressful one, but it's just so relieving to at least not be starting from a deficit like I have been for the last two, because I was really starting to feel like college was only going to get worse and worse the longer I stuck with it and instead things are. Better. Maybe even good.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary245

5/19-20/24

sunday - monday

soon i rlly will quit work.

today was a good day off of work, i got stuff done around the house and worked on one song, + wrote something new ( i feel like almost every day i'm writing little new things, little riffs and new sounds (need to track those better in my notes soon too (i might save that for after i quit cuz it's a bit like busy-work which is too soul crushing to do when i have a real job (maybe why the mixing stuff is so hard for me also))) but this one feels like there's a lot possible for a song, or like, it's already kind of pretty formed as a couple ideas. starting w/ a lady gaga idea which is "start with the chorus" which i don't necessarily believe in, or i guess i don't believe in the other half of the quote (obvious hyperbole on her part) but it's "your song sucks otherwise" or somesuch thing. anyway, that seeped its way into my head and then the little idea i had, some fucked up chord thing, emerged as a chorus to me i guess. so that's fun.

i did also do some other mixing stuff, a couple songs i remixed weren't where i needed them so i got them there, so it's more like i worked on 3 songs but only 1 bit of headway in the track listing basically. it's crazy to think about how much effort i put into all this, and how many people will even notice? it's such like, fast and sloppy sounding (intentionally) music, does the fact that the snare's ring is kind of harsh and weird even come through in the timespan of these songs? it doesn't matter, honestly. just odd to think about.

so 15/32, not too bad, the goal today was 16/32 but that's okay, if i'm too tired and busy with like, having fun i guess, that's better for me probably and i need to not be hard on myself always.

i spent a lot of today, beyond doing the prep for cooking, and actually cooking, and dealing with the horrible creatures we have to share our stupid apartment with, playing vampire the masquerade bloodlines. the game really relaxes me, in a way lot of other games do not. i just really love the atmosphere and that i can be a weird awkward looking vampire girl (i playe tremere cuz the blood magic thing is like so cute tbh. like is there anything cuter than being able to make people explode from the inside??). n-e-wayzzz, why can't i be a vampire irl?? it's so messed up. i would be really good at it. or maybe not but i'd be good at the 'stay in the dark all the time' part.

anyways i am super sleepy, i stayed up too late but i go in pretty late at work tomorrow, so that's okayyy.

i sent off the assemblage poem, or part of it only, to a friend, to see if that can be put somewhere. hope that gets accepted, if not, i'm going to try and work out some shorter poems/poetic-ish things. that has to happen this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to make sure i do that or at least approach it.

summer break starts for the kids, i'm really horrified about that. hope it's really nothing but it could be something. awful!!

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rookwritesrarely]

Setting: the back of an aircraft, filled with soldiers. The space is long and thin, with two lines of seats against the two long sides leaving a thin walkway between them. The walls, ceiling and floor are metal. The only lights are dim and red, meant to stop people from walking into something, not to illuminate. There is a large industrial door at one end of the space. 

Sitting next to each other closest to the door are two men: CANTICUS, who is tall, has medium length blonde hair tied into a ponytail, and bright purple eyes that stand out against the darkness, and Vergil, another angel bound to a human body. He is several inches shorter than CANTICUS, but more muscled. His hair is pitch black and cut short, his eyes are also pitch black. They are both wearing military uniforms and flak armor, as are the rest of the soldiers in the aircraft. Unlike the rest of the soldiers, they are not carrying weapons. They are both calm and mostly motionless, allowing the aircraft to bounce them around a little. The rest of the soldiers seem nervous.

It has been a year since the machine god took over the war effort for the opposition, and they have almost completely replaced their army with fighting machines and are beginning to make major headway in the war. VERGIL and CANTICUS have been sent on a mission to sabotage a supply line for the machines and have been given backup from the rest of the soldiers.

(After some time spent in silence, VERGIL elbows CANTICUS in the side lightly. Neither turn to look at the other. VERGIL speaks quietly, careful not to let the other soldiers hear him.)

VERGIL. We could make a run for it, while we're down there.

CANTICUS. And what makes you think that will end well for us?

VERGIL. It's a dark night, and if anyone knows how not to be seen it's us.

(CANTICUS turns his head slightly to look at VERGIL.)

VERGIL.  I know Selene and Clarissa are stationed near here, maybe a few days travel. The four of us together, we could make it, finally stop dying over and over. 

(CANTICUS finds himself nodding along and stops himself.)

CANTICUS. How do we make it last? If they find us they won't be kind. I don't think they know a way to kill us for good but I do know they're vindictive enough to find it.

VERGIL. Erika is dead, Cant, I saw it.

(CANTICUS turns to look at VERGIL with an expression of shock and concern on his face. VERGIL does not move or change expression.)

VERGIL. I saw one of those metal monsters eat her, on the last deployment. She screamed all the way down. The piece of me I left to look after her is gone too. This is probably going to be our last chance to make it out of this alive.

(CANTICUS falls into the back of his seat heavily and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.)

CANTICUS. Okay. Do you have any eyes on our landing zone?

(An outline of an eye made of pale blue light opens in the back of VERGIL's hand for a moment before closing again.)

VERGIL. One or two, but I have plenty on the bus, they won't find us once we get moving.

(A beat after VERGIL finishes speaking the INTERCOM springs to life, starting with a brief burst of static before beginning to speak.)

INTERCOM. Charlie Sierra Delta Charlie, Victor Lima Alpha Charlie, this is your stop. Pave the way, kill anything that breathes and blow up anything that doesn't. Give 'em hell, Red-hands. 

(The red light nearest the door turns yellow as the door begins to open. VERGIL and CANTICUS stand up and grab the handles hanging from the ceiling. Once the door is fully open the light turns green. VERGIL turns to CANTICUS, a weak smile on his face.)

VERGIL. See you on the ground, eh Cant?

CANTICUS. Always.

(VERGIL jumps from the aircraft, the wireframe shape of wings made of the same pale blue light appears before he falls out of sight. CANTICUS follows shortly after.)

[wordsandsound14]

Top 20 albums of 2023

So it was a tough year. I think a lot of people have said this and I’ll add to the noise on it. And the damage of the year continues into the next a little bit - it does sadden me that I will have to announce that I am unable to continue releasing music for a little bit because of financial reasons. If I want to campaign these songs and get them out into the world in a meaningful way that could increase my chances of them being heard, I’ll need to hold off since that takes money to accomplish. My last song, "Orion”, got so very little listens while “Yellow” was making headway with almost 1000. So my goal of releasing a song a month for a year will have to be held off until I start again. My hope is to start releasing in the summer when life is more consistent; it could happen sooner, it could happen later. I’ll just have to see how things are. I’ll continue making music in the background as always. I really do want to put these songs out and I can’t tell you how bummed I am that I have to wait longer. I just want to give my best shot at this and this is part of it.

With that said, I do have a list of albums for you to listen to and a list for my top 50 songs is to soon follow in a different post. The year started out a little rocky with releases but started to fill out by the end and this year had some great albums when things started actually picking up. Some honorable mentions first tho. This will included albums I discovered too late to be part of best of 2022 list, albums that I listened to in 2023 that don’t qualify but I liked, and ones that didn’t make the list but felt like I should mention: Pink Floyd - The Dark Side of the Moon / Pool Kids - Pool Kids / Gang of Youths - angel in realtime. / Arm’s Length - Never Before Seen, Never Again Found / Lizzy McAlpine - five seconds flat / JID - The Forever Story / Red Hot Chili Peppers - Unlimited Love / The Wonder Years - The Hum Goes on Forever / Michigander - It Will Never Be The Same / Big Thief - Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You / The Linda Lindas - Growing Up / Gregory Alan Isakov - This Empty Northern Hemisphere / Point Taken - Here / Various artists - Barbie the Album (Best Weekend Ever Edition) / Crown Lands - Fearless / My Kid Brother - Happy.Mad.Weird.Sad / The Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream / Eric B. & Rakim - Don’t Sweat the Technique / Arlie - BREAK THE CURSE / Vines - Birthday Party / Noah Kahan - Stick Season

20. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - The Silver Cord

From the lists I’ve seen so far, a lot of people preferred their other album to this one from this year. I thought Petrodragonic Apocolypse was alright but didn’t really click for me. However, this one feels super unique and captured my attention. There isn’t another album that I’ve heard like this one, which is what I love about King Gizzard in their genre bouncing journey. It chases the 70’s Sci-fi sound and has fun with the idea of making music within that context. I will say that I listened to the shorter version of the album. There are the “regular” versions of songs and the “extended” versions I didn’t get around to trying since they are substantially longer. I do think the regular versions could’ve been longer but none but one felt like it warranted a prog like “extended” length. Regardless, I enjoyed this album a lot and have a great time when listening to it. It’s a journey through space that you’ll never forget you’re on. (Fav songs: Set, Theia, Chang’e)

19. Sam Smith - Gloria

It feels really weird that Sam Smith ranked on my list, no offense to Sam. There were some artists that I was really anticipating their releases and their music didn’t make this list and Sam’s music quality has been inconsistent to me. Don’t get me wrong though, I think this album got slept on. There’s some really good pop songs on here and only two songs that I dislike (Gimme, Who We Love). In all honesty, this album would have placed higher if it weren’t for those two downers. But everything else feels like Sam reinventing themselves and solidifying themselves as a pop artist. They were still making some hits in the past 2 albums but nothing felt like it was really leaving impact. It felt like the songs from their first album were still carrying their success. But Gloria goes to prove that wrong. “Unholy” made records and the other songs here prove that Sam wants to make music. This album is why I still follow this artist. (Fav songs: I’m Not Here to Make Friends, Lose You, Love Me More)

18. The Front Bottoms - You Are Who You Hang Out With

I think what feels funny about this album is that I don’t feel like The Front Bottoms really nailed it here. I feel like they could’ve done better but I also haven’t really heard a lot from them to really compare it to. I stumbled upon this album since I was trying to get all my songs from my old computer hearted on Spotify (didn’t even finish doing that lol). I remembered The Front Bottoms and really liked the songs I did have by them. I gave them a follow and pretty soon there was an album to listen to. However, whenever I go back and listen to it, I enjoy the songs here. I think what happened is that this album isn’t what I expected. They’ve changed a lot, especially when the songs I listened from them are over a decade old. At the same time, I think that’s what I like about it. What I appreciate the most is that they didn’t try to push the envelope on making their music have the feeling that it once was. A lot of bands from the 2000’s will try to pull their former sound into their new sound with varying levels of success but they just let it be. It’s a fun and light hearted record that doesn’t take itself too seriously. They at least made the music they wanted and allowed it to happen in the form that they found it. Give this album a listen and just take it as it is. (Fav songs: Punching Bag, Paris, Not Joking)

17. Spanish Love Songs - No Joy

The funniest thing is that my spouse loves to make fun that Spanish Love Songs lead singer sings the same way for every single song. It’s really apparent when you pay attention to it. But that’s also kinda the pull to their music. Anyways, Spanish Love Songs comes out with follow up to the incredible “Brave Faces Everyone". While they fall a little short, they still manage to capture me on most the songs here. They experiment some and continue to make gut-wrenching lyrics. I do think this one needs time to ruminate; a quick listen doesn’t quite allow it to sink its teeth into you. It works best when you grow attached to each song individually (looks up the lyrics and all) and then put them together again. Then the project feels a lot more complete. What this album does signify to me is that there’s a lot left for this band and I’m really interested in what’s next for the band and how this album will place in their career in the future. I’m usually not a fan of saying I’m excited for next time cause I should be excited for this time but the hinting in this album does do that for me. (Fav songs: Haunted, Clean-up Crew, Here You Are)

16. Susto - My Entire Life

While Susto comes right out of the gate with “Rock On”, the rest of the album is less in your face and asks the listener to pay attention rather than demand it. This southern rock band is one I found in 2022 from Spotify’s discover weekly. I listened to their 2021 release “Time in the Sun” and fell in love with what sounded like southern Jack Johnson. In a way, I can still hear the interoperation but Susto has a bit more to them than just that descriptor. They are self described as “acid country & artisanal rock.” What I feel they achieve the most is that they make music that feels like being in Carolinas, their home being in Charleston. There’s a sunshine prevalent in their music, a local comfort, and a sense of community that all comes together to make an organic experience. Susto isn’t flashy but they make good songs and I’m excited to listen more from them and they have a decent backlog to check out. (Fav songs: My Entire Life, Mt. Caroline, Rooster)

15. Citizen - Calling the Dogs

Citizen also had the challenge of creating an album to follow up their last amazing album, “Life in Your Glass House". That album has the #1 spot on my list in 2021 so there was a lot of expectations on this album. “Calling the Dogs” does something that I was hoping they would do and that was not even try to attempt to create something like its predecessor. It keeps its identity and follows a branching route hinted at in the last record. While it’s not as a monumental album, it does a great job of making high energy short rock songs. Almost like bubble gum rock. It feels like these type of songs were just the songs that were coming out of the band when making this album and they made them instead of fighting it. They’re all memorable, catchy, and fun rock songs to listen to. There’s a driving energy to this album that’s infectious to listen to and they don’t waste a song slot while at it. (Fav songs: Can’t Take it Slow, When I Let You Down, Takes One to Know One)

14. Hannah Wyatt - hummingbird

This is one my classmates from school and I adored her first album and she came out sneaky with this release early in the year. “hummingbird” is a dark, Americana folk album that takes you into the forest during the early night. It almost feels like going back in time and living off the land. It’s a period piece almost. There’s a somber mystery that runs through this album. The violin and acoustic guitar are the backbone of this album and compliment each other terrifically. Hannah is amazing at making a folk album that is one that catches the itch I’m wanting from the genre since singer/songwriter get lumped into folk sometimes. While it’s little lower on my list, it is one of the fuller experiences here. Give her a listen and hopefully she can find her crowd for her endless talent. (Fav songs: Cincinnati, high-water, yakima two-step)

13. Gregory Alan Isakov - Appaloosa Bones

My spouse and I really fell in love with Gregory this year, even though it was just one song that we liked, “Big Black Car”. She told me about the new songs and that there was an album coming out later. We waited with anticipation and, much like Susto’s release, it didn’t stand out right off the bat. It felt underwhelming, especially since Gregory doesn’t release music often. But after I put him in my playlist of recent releases, it started to click and I fell in love with the album. When it was time to take the album off and I pick the songs I like so I can remember them for year end lists, I ended up wanting to pick majority of the songs to add. These are songs to live with and they grow with you the more you listen to them. Gregory made some beautiful music this year and, while it’s pretty on the outside, it is so much lovely on the inside. (Fav songs: Sweet Heat Lightning, The Fall, Mistakes)

12. Foo Fighters - But Here We Are

Every time I talk about the Foos with friends, we almost always state how we aren’t Foo album people and that we just grab the singles. And each time, about half the albums end up being our exceptions of full ones we listen to. In conclusion from those talks, I think what we mean is the Foos mostly make a collection of songs instead of an album and that their non-singles don’t really do much unless the album as a whole works. “But Here We Are” is probably their most cohesive album thematically. We all know about the struggles that Dave Grohl had to endure lately. And while I don’t think this is as lyrically nuanced that I would have hoped, that was never their thing. Dave still wrote some songs that say what they are wanting to say and still conveys the full meaning without having a complex vocabulary. This felt like one of the first Foo albums that it felt like the world was silently anticipating so there was a lot of pressure on this album. I believe the band delivered on making something that still felt like the Foos (even sounding the most Foo as of recently, calling back to early 2000’s sound) and speaking about the band’s sorrows. (Fav songs: Show Me How, Under You, The Teacher)

11. The Maine - The Maine

I actually missed this one when it came out and it was ARTV’s YouTube short that notified me that there was another album out. I honestly thought I was following the band on Spotify. Guess I wasn’t but I am now. Anyways, the comments on the short were all talking up the album as a return for the band and how they have gotten back to making good music. I hadn’t listened to them since 2017 since the previous albums didn’t get much praise. In this album, The Maine prove that they are masters of pop rock and really deliver on it. It is true that they sound like a boy band most of the time but the music is fun and upbeat that who really cares that they sound like One Direction. And I’ll address the elephant in the room for those who know the album. Yeah, “cars & caution signs” should have been the closer and “spiraling” is the worst song on the album and doesn’t really feel like a closer. But it’s not that bad to me. The album goes by quickly and having fun with the album way overtrumps this concern. (Fav songs: I think about you all the time, leave in five, the mood i’m in / jsyk)

10. Ed Sheeran - Autumn Variations

Ed put out two albums this year and the first (“-”) was just alright. There were some decent songs but the promo made it seem like it was an album that was hard to write and subtract was gonna be the “sad” album. It didn’t really deliver on that. Then he surprised released Autumn Variations and didn’t do any PR on it. Just said that he wanted to put these songs out and didn’t want to do the whole music label release stuff. To this day, I still think his first album is his best and there hasn’t really been anything close. This album breaks that for me. It doesn't dethrone “+” but it does feel like a call back to a more authentic Ed. I’m not sure if the two albums were written at the same time or not but these songs feel like the ones he wanted to put out more. I can feel that these are the ones that really speak to him and I hope future Ed can continue along this path of making music that feels this honest. Maybe he can experiment again with hip hop (like hist first single of 2023) but right now, he can be cozy in this album. (Fav songs: Plastic Bag, England, Page)

9. blink-182 - ONE MORE TIME…

blink came out and made of the best reunion records. It’s everything you’d expect a blink record to be as they pull from all the sounds of the career, there’s a song for every blink fan. The punk, to the pop punk, and with the short humorous songs. The more impressive thing is that they did it without it feeling like you already heard it or as a cheap version of their already existing sound. They really went all out and made sure they delivered on their reunion. Everyone seems to be playing at their best and I am pretty impressed with their musicianship here. I will say that I do think they bloated up the track list by having 17 songs and, while none of those songs are bad, they could have cut 2 or three songs (tracks 14-16 come to mind). But that’s the only thing keeping this record back. Give blink a listen, even if you are just here for the reunion since I’m sure it’ll get you to go listen back. (Fav songs: ONE MORE TIME…, MORE THAN YOU KNOW, CHILDHOOD)

8. Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors - Strangers No More

The title of this album comes from the love of music. Drew Holcomb was feeling very holed up after covid lockdown and that feeling was so overwhelming that he went on tour before releasing another record. They did come out with a record in 2019 so there were songs that didn’t much live attention but I think Drew wanted to make songs inspired by coming back to the road. There’s a few songs that were recorded and released during covid that make the track listing but it’s overall a new bunch. What I love most is that I feel the intention behind every song here. There’s not one that feels like it’s phoning it in or doesn’t work. It’s been a while since the band put out a record that is this complete. There’s no dull moment and they are slowly becoming more and more renown within their genre. Each record increases their clout as they continue to chase great songs and this album is another great step forward. (Fav songs: Find Your People, Fly, That’s on You, That’s on Me)

7. Movements - RUCKUS!

Movements is known for being an entry point within the post hardcore genre, making gut punching lyrics with a little softer of a hard rock. Lots of use of space and ambience to pull everything together. And their sophomore album was more of the same but with less hardcore in it. This is more like a straight up rock record. Even with two lead singles, it was a little weird to digest that they were going to change up their sound this much. It’s not even that dramatic of a genre change but it wasn’t something I was expecting them to do. But they nail it. There’s a pounding kick drum as a heart beat with crunching guitars throughout this record. And while the lyrics are toned down just a little bit, they aren’t worse because of it. They fit this style of music better and they still are pretty good. I think they were struggling to find the next direction to go given the singles released in between releases but this was a great direction and gets me excited to what Movements can do and how they will break their barriers. (Fav songs: Tightrope, Lead Pipe, Fail You)

6. Genesis Owusu - STRUGGLER

Hip-hop/rap and country are two genres that I’m slowly attempting to find my tastes in since the mainstream of either really don’t interest me that much. The trap beats all sound just as the same as another bro country song that’s about beer, Brad, and breasts. Both genres feel redundant so squeezing the bad stuff feels like energy better spent listening to genres that better suit me. But I still like the core idea of either genre and crave the creativity from them. Genesis Owes is a rapper who has broken into my interests with his first record “Smiling With No Teeth”. While that record didn’t blow me away, I was really intrigued by his sound and liked the way he was making music. I could tell that his next steps were going to be in my interest. I wasn’t prepared for the musical fest that he had waiting on “STRUGGLER". It’s rap, it’s rock, and it’s R&B. I’m not sure what else to call it other than a modern funk album but take the disco out. The bass lines in these songs are incredible and that doesn’t even take away from how central of a role the electric guitar plays. And then he raps on top of them too. It’s really an incredible album that has a great vibe to it and he explores his central theme well too. (Fav songs: Tied Up!, Leaving the Light, Survivor)

5. Benny Sings - Young Hearts

I found Benny Sings by one song “Here It Goes”. It was on my year end list of songs for 2021 and I followed him because of it. He was dropping songs at the end of 2022 but I wasn’t expecting an album, I honestly thought he was just a single and EP person but then “Young Hearts” came out and I fell in love. It’s a bedroom pop and easy to listen to but Benny Sings proves that he’s worth listening to with his comforting sound. His sound is so simply done that it really does sound so effortless. But the craftsmanship comes from within and the songwriting on the record is what holds it together as nothing is over the top. He has a way to create songs that have a sense of magic to them that only a songwriter could create even though they have the same tools as you. It’s a charming cute album that goes on repeat and is easy to loop. (Fav songs: Pyjamas, Take Your Time, The Only One)

4. Waterparks - INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

Waterparks has a very interesting career so far… with an equally interesting fan base. There’s lots of opinions about the band but I usually try to stay away from all the noise to keep my mind at ease. They have, also, slowly become a band I keep up with but don’t wait for their releases. Something about their music stopped clicking and it felt like ego was getting in the way. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY changed that. It truly felt like Waterparks entered with an album ready to say the things they wanted to say and make the music to have the urgency to accompany it. It’s a record that represents what I wanted the band to do again. Except they surpassed the expectations. There’s rap, pop punk, hard rock, ballads, and pop rock. Waterparks wanted to get everything they could that’s under their umbrella and show that that they have it in them still. The added track added on the digital release that does kinda ruin the ending a little but I’ll ignore that because the music is just that good. (Fav songs: BRAINWASHED, CLOSER, FUNERAL GREY)

3. Zach Bryan - Zach Bryan

This was probably the biggest surprise of the year. I hadn’t even heard much of this guy before this year. I got some exposure when the song with Kacey Musgraves came out but I wasn’t sold until the song with Bon Iver was released on a follow up EP. By then, I had seen his album everywhere and being pushed on Spotify a lot. So I thought I would give it a listen. Zach created an album that is music at its core. These songs feel so alive and have so much heart in them. He made these songs without concern for if his numbers would go up and without any PR. And it completely changed the game for country music and, maybe, music overall. And these songs aren’t flashy. There’s not much hook to it and the he opens the album with a spoken word over some guitar. This isn’t even a country album in the modern sense but one that goes back to the more traditional country. It was just about writing songs and telling stories. Good songwriters making music that feels like it came from within. Zach has got my attention. (Fav songs: Hey Driver, Smaller Acts, Jake’s Piano - Long Island)

2. Teenage Wrist - Still Love

These top 3 had a huge battle for the number one spot, especially these top two. I’ll say that maybe “objectively” this album is what I consider the top one. But I have more of an emotional connection with the winning album and my gut told me that it didn’t belong in second. So I welcome you to the best rock album of the year. I first heard Teenage Wrist when listening to Spotify’s discover weekly. That one song (“Stella”) got me to listen to their last album (Earth is a Black Hole) the year after it got released. It got me to follow them and that ended up paying off really well. The band decided to go in the direction of a really solid post grunge sound in a year when I was really craving it. But none hit the spot quite like this one. The keen songwriting and fuzzy amps make for an exceptional album that’s enhanced by collaborations that only add to the project. I can’t explain how much I enjoyed listening to this album and how each song has stuck inside my memory. Give them a listen and give Teenage Wrist the audience they deserve. (Fav songs: Diorama, Sunshine, Still Love)

1. Glen Hansard - All That Was East is West of Me Now

Glen is one of my all time favorite songwriters. His lyrics are raw, ability to coordinate the song with the emotion, and passionate singing make for a folk artist at the core. He has also been experimenting with his sound for the past two albums, one being self produced with more horns and his other being a collaboration of friends live in studio. This was a callback to his career, even calling back to his days with The Frames on “The Feast of St. John”. It was a return to the form in which a lot of people had fallen in love with without retreading the same ground. He continues to write meaningful and beautiful songs that are precisely written. I always look forward to a Glen Hansard release but this one is the type that I live for. The album went under a lot of radars, especially for a veteran act. But my favorite album of the year has already woven itself into my soul. It’s a fine addition to my collection and will be placed along the other high achievements from this artist. (Fav songs: Sure as the Rain, There’s No Mountain, Down on Our Knees.)

[grittyreadsfic]

i'm thinking of tracking my fic reading over the next year and wanted to know how you calculate words read on fics you DNF. do you include them in the total or just write them off or does it depend on how much of the fic you read? like if you read a couple paragraphs and realize a fic isn't for you, do you count that?

so i don’t have any hard or fast rules about it, and sometimes if i dnf i wont even log it if it’s a significant portion of the fic-sometimes because i’m lazy and sometimes because the fic does something that bothers me enough that i don’t want to spend anymore attention on it

it’s also worth noting that because i got a little too focused on my comment percentage this year, that i tend to dnf early on because i don’t want to track the no comment stat for it

but i feel like generally, if i’ve only read a few paragraphs or a tiny tiny amount of a long fic, i don’t log it. i wanna say usually if i give it about 10-15 minutes if active read time and i don’t dig it, it’s just gone (this is my adaptation of my book rule, which is 20 pages, thank u andrew clements for putting that in things not seen it did in fact change my life as child)

anything under 5k, and most things under 10k i don’t bother logging if i dnf. if i make decent headway, and i feel like bothering, i might

20k-30k range i usually track, and i usually just half the word count. longer fics i tend to estimate a percentage based on where the scroll bar is and just do that. longer chapter fics are ideal because i can just dived the total word count by number of chapters to get the average words per chapter and use that to log it

and like honestly it’s all preference and reading habits-i read a truly dumb amount of fics with an even dumber word count so i tend to find the shorter works i dnf or the ones i dnf fast to be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. if you don’t read as much or you want to be more exact, that’s gonna look different

honestly you could always download the fic as an ebook and find the corresponding page you dnf on and either use the page count to work out a number or if you have the percent complete thing showing use that to calculate!

[soulsalight]

@petrokhelidon // ft. Hien

--

Nightfall came somewhat quicker than Thanceed anticipated prior to going on his run. The days have become noticeably shorter these past few weeks; fall well on it's way already. He didn't mean to get caught in the dark within the small stretch of forest bleeding into the borders of the small town he's called his home for the better part of two years now, and yet here is.

It's a good thing he knows this track like the back of his hand by now, otherwise the dipping of the sun beneath the horizon and the following plunge into near perfect darkness would have him feel far less at ease. Thankfully, the full moon provides at least some light even under the thick canopy.

Thancred only meant to get out of the house briefly, for a breath of fresh air, just a quick run, rather than the two hours worth of hiking he ended up doing instead because he felt the need to stay away from the manuscript for his new book for as long as he possibly could.

He shakes his head at himself then reaches to pull the zipper of his running jacket all the way up when the wind picks up and causes the leaves to rustle in the treetops. Finally, he turns down the path that would eventually lead him out of the woods, picking up the pace of his steps anew, although he can feel fatigue pulling at his limbs.

He loves the peace and quiet of these woods, has come to appreciate them for all the times he needed to get away from his writing to clear his mind. Still, he doesn't want to stay past nightfall for longer than he has to.

He's made quite a bit of headway, his pace perhaps a bit quicker than it should be with the lack of light, when one of his feet catches on something and he finds himself stumbling and ultimately hitting the ground with a embarrasingly inelegant maneuver. He entirely looses his footing and feels himself tumbling down a hill as a result. By some miracle Thancred manages to brace himself and breaks his fall without any consequences from his recklessness -- aside some minor scrapes on hands and knees and the lingering shock from the sudden change of scenery that is.

He curses under his breath as he gets back to his feet, dusting himself off and shaking the shock from his limbs and then moves to fetch his phone from one of his pockets. Thancred turns on the flashlight -- like he should have done the moment dusk set it -- and turns around to inspect just what the hell it was that just caused him to take a tumble and whether he would be able to find his way back up that hill.

At first he doesn't see anything other than the disturbed bit of forest floor where he came down but then his eyes catch on something gleaning almost metallic in the light of his phone and he frowns, confused, ere he steps a little closer to where he finds...

...a net?

"What in the--"

Thancred crouches down beside the weird weave that gleans almost silver in this light and with his free hand he reaches out to brush away some shrubbery and leaves caught in it. The net was disturbed before it seems, before Thancred's foot caught on it that is, for it is torn in several places, the leaves covering it strewn about, alongside some remnants of a flower of some kind. Deep blue and violet petals are mixed in with the weave of the net and looking at them now these don't seem of natural occurence, but like they were weaved into it deliberately.

It occurs to him then that everything around him seems to have suddenly gone quiet. Thancred's frown deepens, and then, inexplicably, a shiver makes its way down his spine. He should go. Something isn't right here.

He turns, fully intent to make his way back up the hill and finally go home when something catches his attention from the corner of his eye. Movement. Thancred whips around, adrenaline spiking. His hands and knees still ache from the fall, he doesn't doubt he's likely bleeding in some places too, but all of that is forgotten when the light falls unto a big dark shadow perched inbetween the smaller trees and shrubbery.

His breath hitches, panic tightening his chest at the sheer size of what appears to be an animal. His back hits the bark of a tree, his hand with the phone faltering and dropping the thing as his instincts recognize the creature as a wolf and a big one at that.

His phone falls to the ground inbetween him and the wolf; screen down, the light shining upwards, illuminating only the small area between them.

It is still eerily quiet in the forest, but the only thing Thancred can hear is the blood pumping in his veins and his own breathing he desperately tries to keep shallow.

For a while nothing happens, until Thancred's rational thinking finally kicks in again and he blinks, finally thinking to consider why nothing is happening. He notices then that there are chains holding the wolf in place, that there is a strap of broad leather tightened around its muzzle and head, its neck held down by a heavy collar bolted to a wooden board that seems to have been recently fastened to the forest floor by huge stakes driven into the ground on every corner.

The wolf isn't reacting to him, isn't moving apart from the minute signs of breathing Thancred's awareness caught on earlier.

Only then does the rushing in his ears slowly fade and Thancred is able to regain some control of his trembling limbs. He reaches up a hand to run it over his face; feeling pearls of cold sweat on his brow.

He moves then, very slowly, wary of the creature before him, but also aware that it likely won't be moving anytime soon, not with the way it is tied down.

Thancred reaches for the device still shedding light between them, causing his fingers to come uncomfortably close to the wolves head.

The wolf's eyes open and Thancred is momentarily transfixed.

Green.

Endless green.

Thancred wasn't aware that wolves could have this sort of eye color. There is something there, too. Not recognition, but something. Intelligence, he thinks. Awareness. But most of all unending sadness.

Thancred's chest tightens and his movements still, his hand remaining outstretched between them. This time he doesn't breathe -- for a moment feels like he's forgotten how to. But it seems the wolf doesn't either, which is ridiculous.

Something else occurs to him then, the smell coming off of the animal. It's blood. Thick and nauseating and it should instill more fear, but Thancred, now in possesion of more of his mental faculties again, can see the crimson liquid on the wood below and notices it matting down the fur of the animal in various places, too, indicating it is the wolf that is bleeding and not the remainder of whatever hypothetical prey Thancred's mind would have conjured up. He feels sick in light of all of this torturing of an animal. Who would do something like this?

...And then, Thancred does something no sane person should do when faced with a creature as clearly dangerous as this one. He turns his palm up and gently fits it against the side of the wolf's head and curls his fingers into silk-like black flurr at the base of its ear.

"Shhh..." Thancred soothes, instead of turning tail and running when he feels the beginnings of a growl emerge from the wolf's throat. He swallows thickly, fear still prevalent, but he cannot help but feel the same is true for the wolf as well.

The light of his phone is casting harsh shadows everywhere, and while it makes the situation all the more eery, he keeps his voice low and gentle.

"I'm not going to hurt you." The words come alongside a hesitant brush of his hand along the base of the wolves ear, finding another leather strap tightened there to keep the muzzle in place.

His other hand joins the first behind each ear and further down the back of the wolf's neck, feeling around for the fastenings of the collar he assumes must be there somewhere. He finds them in form of a huge bolt fastened by a nut he undoes with a surprising amount of strength needed. Someone really didn't want this wolf to be able to go anywhere, or even be able to do so much as move.

Trembling fingers pull the collar away from the wolf's neck, allowing him the first bit of freedom. "There," he says breathlessly, only now pausing to question every decision that led him to this point. "O-One down."

What in God's name is he doing?

[ot3]

ive been tracking my progress via my twitter display name but i'm actually making much quicker headway on formatting the composition PDF than i thought i would... it should definitely be finished and up for everyone to see within a week. according to the results of my patreon poll the next tutorial is gonna be on markmaking. that one will probably be a bit shorter.

its going to take me a little bit to figure out how to best approach it but i'm excited for that one because it'll be jumping off of an idea for tutorials i started working on over two years ago, which is art tutorials specifically designed for learning to draw from the ground up as a hobbyist artist. basically cutting away all of the difficult technical practice that's really not necessary when you're just doing it for fun and focusing more on the mechanical act of drawing and developing personal style and taste without a concern for technical correctness.

i feel like it's a missing niche around art tutorials. pretty much anything geared at beginners covers technical fundamentals and pretty much anything that covers the more fun stuff about drawing always assumes you have a certain level of comfort with drawing already. but like idk man some people just want to draw their ocs or anime faves or whatever and never give a damn about having to learn what chiaroscuro or contrapposto or vanishing points are. anyway i hope you will all read this pdf when i am done formatting it it is very long

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Oldstones

Prompt: I got a prompt for you! (but no pressure if you don't wanna): The knights discover that Merlin is incredibly musically gifted but shy about it, and they try to make him see how talented he really is - aeonthedimensionalgirl

*vibes in playlists*

Read on Ao3

Warnings: it's fluff all the way down bois

Pairings: merthur, morgwen, can be platonic or romantic I don't care

Word Count: 2604

Merlin is allowed to keep secrets, yes, but that doesn’t stop people from wanting to find them out.

Come on, the man is literally the most conspicuous person in the castle, one doesn’t rise to that title without sparking at least half a dozen gossip trains each day. Whether it’s where he was when the King was in his private chambers with the knights standing guard, whether it’s how the speech the King hadn’t written is finished by the next morning, whether it’s how often things mysteriously show up just where they need to be…

There are rumors that he sneaks away from the castle at night. No one knows where he goes. Because it definitely isn’t the tavern.

But one doesn’t get Merlin without the host of people that surround him. Arthur, the King, of course. Gaius, the Royal Physician. Morgana, the Queen Regent, at least until her proper coronation. Gwen, who holds the ear of the servants in the castle—the real power here.

And the knights. Brothers, ’til the end. And Merlin is one of them. They couldn’t care less about the rumors flying around unless they hurt Merlin. Then, well, all bets are off. But Merlin is theirs and if there’s nothing wrong, they won’t ask questions.

That is until, of course, there is something that he really should’ve told them.

There is a negotiation with a neighboring lord about whether or not the knights will be allowed passage through his land on patrols. Arthur sends the knights and Merlin to go a broker a brief agreement with representatives before he can join them. The negotiations are long and offset by the fact that the leader keeps shooting narrow-eyed glances at Merlin.

“You sure we haven’t met before,” they ask for the fifth time, “you seem…familiar.”

“I can assure you,” he says, for the fifth time, “I would remember.”

Gwaine and Percival exchange a look. They’re making no headway, the leader is unwilling to accept anything as trade. If they don’t find something soon, the fingers itching towards swords will find their marks sooner or later.

Then Merlin sneezes.

He apologizes for interrupting the negotiations, only for the leader’s right hand to slap their knee and point accusingly at him.

“I knew it,” they crow, triumphant, “you’re the songbird!”

Merlin blinks. “I’m sorry, what?”

“The songbird,” they repeat, standing, “you’re the one who sings in the abandoned arena.”

Well, that certainly explains where Merlin’s been sneaking off to if the way the tips of his ears turn red is anything to go off of. It certainly doesn’t help his case that a few more people run into the room, some of them children, and gasp when they realize that someone’s found the songbird.

“My apologies,” Merlin manages after a moment, the embarrassment still blooming on his cheeks, “I didn’t realize that anyone would—that I—that you could hear me.”

“But your voice is so pretty,” one of the children cries, “will you sing something for us now?”

“Oh, do the one about being happier!”

“No, no, the one about being a bad liar.”

“Ooh! Ooh! Or the one about the bright lights!”

“I’m quite partial to the ‘stay with me’ one,” another lieutenant remarks.

The knights look on, half amused, half bemused, as the requests pile up. Only when Merlin’s mortification begins to seep past his facade do they have mercy.

“That’s enough,” Elyan says gently to the children, “we don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Don’t we,” Gwaine mutters.

“Well,” Merlin says before Leon can respond, “I believe we’ve found something you want.”

The leader regards him for a moment. Their face twists as they think.

“…and how am I supposed to know that you are the pretty little songbird that’s been singing in there?” They look him up and down. “You could just be using that as a convenient excuse.”

The right-hand snorts. “No one else kriffing sneezes like that.”

Lancelot hides a snort behind a cough.

“You are correct that we cannot offer you anything material or legal in exchange for the deal,” Merlin says, still heroically fighting the blush on his cheeks, “but perhaps this will suffice instead?”

“Entertainment,” they muse, tilting their head back and forth, “a tempting offer.”

“A song for the deal?”

“Not just one song,” the leader huffs, “more.”

They glance back at the knights.

“What you’re asking of us, it’s a lot. That’s a lot of money we’re losing. Damages, labor, replanting.” They glance at the lieutenant. “How much?”

“Three thousand.”

The leader whistles. “That’s pretty steep.”

Their attention shifts back to Merlin.

“Three thousand, huh? Three hours.” They lean forward, their eyes on Merlin’s face. “That’s about how long you normally spend in that old arena. Three hours.”

Merlin nods. “When?”

The leader’s smile grows. “Tomorrow evening, little songbird, when the lord and your king can come to watch.”

They ride back to camp with the paperwork of the deal completed, Gwaine teasing poor Merlin about his habit of sneaking out to an old abandoned arena and singing. Leon watches on, not bothering to hide his smile, as Merlin’s embarrassment fills the air. At one point he shoots him a look that clearly says ‘are you not going to help me?’

The one he sends back makes it clear that this is more than enough entertainment for him.

“Alright,” Lancelot says eventually when he sees Merlin’s jaw start to wobble, the line of embarrassment to humiliation much shorter than he would like, “that’s enough, leave him be. After all, the songbird has to perform tonight, don’t make him lose his voice before he closes the deal.”

“I’ll take it,” Merlin mutters.

They do thank Merlin for agreeing to do this when they get to camp. Leon slaps him on the shoulder and congratulates him for being willing to do it.

“It’s fine,” Merlin says, shuffling a little next to the fire, “I just…wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well, no,” Gwaine sighs loudly, “I also wasn’t expecting to find out that one of my oldest friends is a songbird.”

“Merlin’s your oldest friend?” Elyan snorts. “How bad are you at making friends?”

“Oi!”

“No, wait, seriously, do you have no other friends?”

“I have friends!”

“Really? Who are they?”

Merlin grins as the topic of conversation steers away from him and more toward Gwaine’s apparent inability to make friends. Well, meaningful friends. People you down pints in the tavern with don’t really count—no they don’t, Gwaine.

Of course, just because the knights are getting distracted doesn’t mean Leon is getting distracted.

“How long have you been able to sing for, Merlin,” he asks softly, too unobtrusive for the others to notice, “did your mother teach you?”

The tips of Merlin’s ears redden again. “No.”

“It’s alright, Merlin,” he says softly, “there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s alright.”

“It’s—it’s—“ he shifts— “it’s nothing.”

“If the lord was ready to make a deal over the promise of your voice, that’s not nothing, Merlin.” Leon frowns when Merlin just keeps shifting uncomfortably. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“That’s alright.”

“You’ll laugh.”

“Never,” he promises gently, “not if it’s worrying you this much.”

Merlin shifts a little more. “…I’m not actually that good.”

“Lie.”

Merlin’s head jerks around as Leon glances over his shoulder to see Lancelot watching them. The knight nods toward the other three who are now arguing about the precise alcohol quantity of some tavern drink as he scoots closer.

“Lie,” he repeats softly, “I’ve heard you sing, Merlin, you’re incredible.”

“Did you—“ Merlin splutters— “did you follow me?”

“No,” Lancelot says, raising his hands, “but the patrols do go there from time to time.”

Merlin buries his face in his hands. How many people have heard him?

“Shh,” Lancelot says, bringing his hands away, “you’ll do great. And if you don’t, we’ll be the ones who suffer the consequences for agreeing to a ridiculous deal.”

Merlin shakes his head. “I don’t know why I agreed to this.”

“Because it was the first thing they suggested that wasn’t entirely unreasonable.”

“You think this is reasonable?”

“Well, yes, compared to the thirteen caskets of gold, two barrels of opals, and six cartloads of mead.”

“It will be fine, Merlin,” Leon promises, “don’t worry so much.”

Merlin is plenty worried, thank you very much, especially when Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen show up the next day to look very very confused at what the deal has turned out to be. Arthur is fully intent on teasing Merlin mercilessly about his singing only for Leon and Lancelot to shoot him a death glare. He shrugs. He can do it perfectly well afterward.

The lord meets with them, they sit in their places of honor, and Gwaine cups Merlin’s elbow as he steps onto the stage.

“Ready, songbird?”

He sighs. “Are you going to keep calling me that?”

Gwaine just grins.

Merlin looks…small on the stage, they realize, despite the fact that he looks right.

Then he begins to sing.

Gods.

Three hours feel like an eternity, collapsed into an instant. His voice lifts and soars, pouring into the air like an endless well. The happy songs send them into the stratosphere, the sad ones drop them into the planet’s core. Arthur reaches blindly for Morgana’s hand at one point and they cling to each other, there in the upper corners of the theatre.

One song reaches deep into Morgana’s chest and tugs in too many places to be unfamiliar. Wrapped up in power, unable to use it properly, cultivated as a thing, a cog in a machine, trapped. A dangerous flare in her gut, reached only by the way Merlin’s aura hides reluctant darkness, one borne on necessity and resentment.

One song pushes back against Arthur’s shields, calls out to a child. A child, too soon knighted, too soon forced into the mold of the perfect King, still raw from years and years of being overlooked, not being chosen, not being wanted. It calls out in remorse, in mourning for someone lost long ago yet could not be grieved because they’re still here, just buried under layers and layers of armor. The person they used to be.

One song hurts them both.

They’re not sure how long it’s been when Merlin stops for a moment, smiling, before he takes a moment to talk about the next song.

He says that there is a tale, an old one, about a soldier. A legendary warrior, impervious to all harm, except for one spot on his body. His heel. When his mother held him as she bathed him in power, something that would keep him safe, keep him invulnerable. What she did not realize is that her son did not have just physical weaknesses, nor that her son’s supposed invulnerability would keep people from realizing that he was a person too.

He says that the story tells of someone very important to this warrior, someone who realized that he was human, first and foremost, and that someone was taken away. Murdered. And what good was that invulnerability if he could not protect the one he loved? The warrior was only human, after all, and humans make mistakes. And they need to be reminded that’s all they are, behind all the power, all the invulnerability, they’re human.

The name of the warrior?

Achilles.

His voice has a sense of urgency now, one that they’ve only heard once before. When a squire, suddenly happy after months of being lost in their own head, climbed to the highest balcony in the castle and stood there, wobbling in the wind.

The song climbs, higher, and higher, the urgency growing, his light shining brighter and brighter.

Then the trick.

Another voice, dark and distorted, a twisted version of him, ringing out in the theater despite the fact that his mouth is closed. Gasps and shock as the audience tries to figure out what the trick is, how this is happening, too caught up in the thrill of the performance to care that it might be magic. The dark voice whispers temptation, scorns the others, tells the warrior to jump.

Morgana does not let go of Arthur and Arthur will not let go of Morgana.

The dark voice sings alongside Merlin, the theater caught in the storm of his making. The dark voice vanishes into a whisper, Merlin all but pleading the warrior to come down.

As the last verse starts, he looks directly at them.

There is no more facade, no more roles for him to play. This is Merlin, singing to them. The concert may be for the deal, this song is theirs.

Throw yourself into the unknown

With pace and a fury defiant.

Clothe yourself in beauty untold

And see life as a means to a triumph.

Today of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above.

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.

When the song ends and the spell is broken, the whole theater has to take a moment to breathe.

There are more songs, more that touch different people in different ways.

“I will say this,” Morgana whispers, still blinking away tears, “I don’t see them backing out of the deal.”

Arthur can’t find the words to reply.

Too soon, Merlin announces that the next song is the last one. The theater crows in protest, Arthur and Morgana among them, despite themselves. A strange look crosses his face as he raises an eyebrow.

“No? You don’t want to leave?”

Another round of ‘no’ goes up.

“But we have to,” he says softly, his voice still ringing as if surrounded by old stone halls, “we can’t stay here, as much as we want to. We have to keep going. We can’t be the rock that the water beats away at, we’ll be worn to nothing.”

To their surprise, he sits.

“…or we’ll fade into ghosts.” He looks around. “But we’d like to stay here, for a moment longer, with the ghosts, yes?”

At the noises of agreement, he smiles. “Then let’s do a different song for the last one.”

And oh, what a song he chooses.

It’s not as vocally impressive as some of the other ones, nor does it tug on their heartstrings as painfully. But this one, more than any other song he’s sung tonight, sounds like Merlin.

A girl, dancing in the ruins of an old stone castle with the ghosts of her loved ones. Season after season, year after year, until she too became a ghost, dancing with them once again.

They can almost feel hands on their shoulders.

The song ends and the deal is complete. The leader approaches to have a quiet word with Merlin before he exits the theater and waits. The lord stumbles to Arthur and Morgana, almost in a trance, with the promise to ride behind them to Camelot to officially sign the deal the next morning. Arthur is only conscious enough to nod and murmur a reply. Morgana isn’t much better. The knights have already formed a protective huddle around Merlin as they return to camp, the little songbird all sung out.

When they get back to camp, Merlin barely has time to thank them for coming before Arthur pulls him into a hug.

“No,” he whispers, “thank you.”

[captainrexisboo]

Dumb Luck #3

Note: Heyoooooo two updates in one weekend, whaaaaat? No, actually a fun fact, this was started out as my part 2, but i liked my other idea of building the tension with Sweets seeing Rex with his helmet off for the first time better. There will be a part four, it just wont come as quick! I’m gonna have several more parts to this, I have plans y’all. This chapter has ~slight angst~ if you squint hard enough. Again, I’m open to criticism or Hot Takes TM, I’m still a novice writer! Both my asks and messages are open to everyone! Also... y’all, Jesse is a bro. He’s great.

a link to part two- https://captianrexisboo.tumblr.com/post/623995723815452672/dumb-luck-2

Warnings: suggestive language (the usual)

Tags: @persaloodles @starflyer-104 @imalovernotahater @holamor @000ayfh

~

“Hey, Sweets-“

“Not now, busy,” she threw over her shoulder, not even bothering to look at who was walking up to her corner of the hangar.

Y/N was greatly enjoying herself as an assistant to the head mechanic aboard the flagship. She quickly learned about not only the venator-class destroyer, but also about gunships, shuttles, frigates, landers, even more about her beloved droids, and her absolute favorite to work on, the starfighters. If she were alone in the hangars, she would walk over to the rows of starfighters and just study them, marvelling at every screw, panel, and wire and how it built something so amazing. And right now, she was actually able to work on one of these beautiful machines, and she’d be damned if she let anyone stop her workflow.

Rex lifted a brow at her mannerisms as he watched her dive elbow deep into a much older fighter model, one that hadn’t ever been repainted and typically was the last to be boarded and flown out by shinies who didn’t know any better. She was squatting low to the ground, a panel gone from the ship while she tinkered with its insides, hair barely secure, strands falling out of the haphazardly tied bun she had kept in place with only a single stylus. He was still conflicted at her presence on the ship. She had proven to be smart, quick witted, and of course was an absolute stunner, but she was also stubborn as hell, distracting, and always there. Always a mere moment away, in the hangar, in the generator room, in the mess, the repair bay, the armory- and he hasn’t known peace since.

Let’s be honest, he hasn’t known peace since he met General Skywalker, but he was able to have an illusion of what it was like whenever he was alone with his thoughts. Now he didn’t even have that, his internal narrative shaping into her curves before too long, even in his solitude. Things were different with her here, they were more on edge, like he was tiptoeing around her in a delicate dance to avoid a situation where either of them could build onto their practically visible tension. Kix had told him, ever the blunt medic, that he could cut their tension straight through the air with a scalpel it was so obvious. But he was a Captain, and had a job to do, so when he heard that she had been seen speeding down the halls to the hangars with her tools despite all the ships passing inspection just a few hours ago, he knew he had to be sure she wasn’t doing anything out of protocol. He had grabbed Jesse before making his way to the hangar, in case a mediator was needed, and was now grinding his teeth at the woman concentrating so intensely she didn’t even care to look who else was in the room. He shared a flat look with Jesse before clearing his throat to make his presence known, “You might want to take a break, Y/N.”

She paused what she was doing, her shoulders tightening. Only Rex ever used her actual name, especially when he was in one of his damn moods. This was weird, though, him seeking her out. Recently it seemed as if he had been avoiding her, or making sure they weren’t alone if they had to be in the same room. Try as she could to get his attention, get him all flustered, he’d always just be slightly out of reach, and she was getting increasingly frustrated. She rolled her eyes, summoning her signature bravado before she smoothly stood up to turn around, jutting a hip out and giving a lazy salute, “Ahoy, Captain.”

Jesse tried to mask his giggles under a cough, watching the two interact was his favorite pastime. Rex took note for later to ask a different intermediary for the next strife, before pointing his head to the ship, “What are you doing to that fighter?”

“Exactly what it looks like,” she smiled brightly, almost prideful, wiping her grease slicked hands on the pant leg of her GAR jumpsuit, “Messing with this lovely hunk of junk.”

“Messing with it?” Rex questioned, barely hiding his glance at the handprint now crudely placed on her thigh.

“Gave myself a project to work on,” she explained sauntering towards the pair of troopers with an arm outstretched to the ship, “Boys, meet my baby.”

“Your baby?” Rex slowly tore his gaze off her to look over the fighter blandly, “What a miracle of science.”

“Is Artoo the dad?” Jesse snickered, before receiving a light smack on the arm from the woman. She still chuckled at the quip, showing good humor to him. Despite being absolutely infuriating, Jesse was quickly becoming a good friend to her, like a brother she never wanted.

“Did you get permission before completely gutting the engine, at least?” Rex asked, looking around at the parts that lay on the floor, surrounding her workspace.

She sighed, “Yes, I did, just a bit ago. Ask Caine, he was the final sign off on it. Went through all the proper channels.”

Rex's jaw twitched, stiffening the hand holding his helmet, “It didn’t come through on my end.”

“Maybe it didn’t need to,” she shot, eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms, “I’m sure there are some things on this ship that don’t require your approval, sir.”

There it is. The way she said that word got him all riled up. It was one little word, one he got called by from every trooper on every hour of every rotation, but it was her honey-coated voice saying it that drove him to his limit. Every time she spoke the word to him it was like a challenge, daring him to expose his desirous aggression toward her, taunting his mask of composure. Every time she spoke, with a demanding storm in her glare and candy pink lips being teasingly assaulted by her own teeth, it stirred a fire in him he didn’t quite know how to quell. It was maddening, and got worse and burned deeper with every encounter. Before he could dig himself deeper into her trap, he simply pulled on his helmet with a slight growl, and turned on his heel to stalk away from the conversation, barely grumbling out a gruff, “I’m going to talk to Caine.”

“What crawled up his ass and died?” Y/N felt herself wilt a bit as she watched him go, taken aback by the retreat, and admittedly a little disappointed. Usually he’d last longer.

Jesse let out a stale bark of laughter, “Same thing that crawled up yours.”

“Jesse,” she warned, cold eyes coming up to focus on him, drawing out his name as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Sweets,” he mimicked her tone and stance, chuckling low, “Why don’t you just go after him? He’s all pent-up and frustrated, I don’t think the troops can take another feral sparring session. Hell, I don’t think I can take it. Think of the poor shinies.”

She shrugged at him, rolling her eyes as her head lolled to the side, “What can I say, I’m a self-destructive mess that likes to delay my own happiness and ultimate satisfaction.”

“Bantha shit,” Jesse rolled his own amber-hazel eyes at her, “I think you're just a brat.”

She laughed lowly, batting her lashes at him, “Same thing, trooper.”

She turned around, intent on continuing her work before she felt a gloved hand wrap itself around her elbow, turning her back to face the ARC, “I’m serious. Why are you dragging this out, adding to the pressure? If you keep this up, one of you will explode before too long, and then- whether it’s a good explosion, or a bad one- there’s gonna be one hell of a mess to clean up in its wake.”

She lifted a brow at his wording, “Was that innuendo literal, or-”

“Ew,” Jesse blanched, letting go of her arm and scrunching his face at the mental image., “That’s my ori’vod!”

Y/N threw her hands up in a mock surrender with a devilish smirk on her lips, “Look, you’re the one who said it.”

“Just answer the question, maker!”

She was silent for a minute, pursing her lips as she gathered her thoughts together. Jesse was staring intently at her, crossing his arms as he waited for her. Her eyes narrowed into thin slits in her focused state, and she exhaled slowly through her mouth, “I...I don’t know if he actually likes me or not. Sure, we banter, and I flirt, but I don’t know if he legitimately thinks of me the same way. I mean, today he just walked away from our conversation, and it made me feel kind of dejected. He seemed...I don’t know. Exasperated. Like he’s tired of me.”

Jesse had never seen her so vulnerable, so small. Sure, she was easily more than a head shorter than them, but her confidence and charisma always made her seem like she was eight feet tall. She twirled a lock of stray hair around her fingers, looking anywhere but Jesse as she continued, “His responses always vary, so I can’t pin down his exact feelings! He can either be cold and dismissive like today, or he can be actively matching my turn of phrase, there's no in between. So I always just...well, I tease him, you’ve seen it. I’m just testing the waters, seeing if he’s interested.”

“Sweets-“ Jesse cut himself off as he let a heavy hand fall onto her lithe shoulder, “Y/N, look at me.”

At the sound of her name, she blinked up at him, biting her lip to keep from pouting. Jesse was about to continue, barely opening his mouth to begin, when there was a greeting from behind them.

“There she is, right where you left her, Captain!”

Rex had come back, face unreadable as he looked between Jesse and Y/N. An older, brown man walked next to him, tall and lean with a salt and pepper fade, his smile as wide as his stride, “Sweets, lass! Making headway on that pile of scrap, huh?”

“Yes sir, Caine,” she greeted, standing upright and saluting him properly before turning offhandedly to Rex and crossing her arms, “Captain.”

Rex felt his jaw twitch at the sudden chill coming off of her, his brow furrowing at the sudden switch in her demeanor. Caine continued waving his arms, animatedly gesturing to the fighter, “This ship will run better than the day it was bought when you’re through with it, I know it. But, our most thorough Captain here has made it known to me that we did skip a step in approving your request.”

She looked Rex up and down, crossed arms tightening over her ribcage, “Oh really? And what step would that be?”

“Admiral Wulff Yularen,” Rex answered, tone even and cool to match her own, “You’re right in that it wouldn’t pass over my desk, however these are still Republic owned ships. He needs to approve...whatever you’re doing before you continue.”

She bit her lip and tightly squeezed her eyes shut, breathing deep through her nose, before responding, “Fine. I’ll clean up my station. Is there a time I can meet with the Admiral to discuss my mistake?”

Rex began to respond, before Jesse stepped in, “I’ll go explain the situation to him. Caine, would you mind tagging along?”

“Let’s stop by my office to get her approval request forms. Anything that makes this take longer, it gets me away from the repair reports,” Caine guffawed as he walked away with Jesse, leaving the Captain and mechanic on their own. He shifted as her burning stare held onto him for an extended moment after the two had left.

“What?” he growled out, growing aggravated at the silent attitude she was giving him.

“You’re a fucking tattle tale,” she spat out before turning on her heel to begin picking up her tools and various discarded parts of the fighter, “Going to my boss because a form didn’t come your way.”

“What are you, a youngling?” he shot back, but striding over to help her out, “I’m doing you a favor! If Admiral Yularen had found out one of his ships had been tampered with, without his permission, he’d blacklist you from the GAR and put you in a ship to drop you on that same dirt ball we found you on.”

Admiral Yularen was much more empathetic than that, and would not go as far as that for a punishment. But she didn’t need to know that right now.

“I’m not tampering with it- don’t touch my tools,” she looked over to see him dropping her wrenches and welders unceremoniously into her box, “I’m not tampering, I’m fixing. I’m a mechanic, it’s what I kriffin do, I’m sure he’d understand.”

He continued to pick up her scattered tools as she turned back to the disorganized pieces of metal with a roll of his eyes, “That may be so, but the GAR has a very strict way of doing things, and unfortunately the line of command doesn’t just stop at Caine for you. In fact-“

“I said don’t touch my tools!”

“Y/N, I’m trying to help you!” he nearly yelled at her, his voice booming in the high ceilings of the hangar, “Anything I’ve done today, is to help you!”

She scoffed, unmoved by his commanding demeanor, “Sure, help me. You didn’t even want me on this ship to begin with!”

“That’s-“

“You still don’t like me, do you? Is that why you don’t respond to my advances?” she was stalking toward him now, her mess and tools pushed to the farthest corner of her mind until they got this discussion over with. He stood his ground as she got closer, standing at his full height but looking her directly in the eyes nonetheless.

“Y/N-“

“I flirt and tease you all damn day and you just ignore me! Or worse, you respond and then leave when you realize you might’ve reacted a little too positively. I’d at least like a solid no from you, make yourself clear, please!”

“Hey!” he laid two strong hands on her shoulders, giving her a slight squeeze, “Shut. Up.”

She glared at him, but complied, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as she stood defiantly to him, as tall as she could under his grip. He allowed himself a slow breath, inhale through his nose, hold, exhale through his mouth. He softened his hold, and let his deep honey eyes search her stormy glare, delving into the depths of her soul to make sure she understood, “I think I like you, Y/N. More than I ought to.”

He let that sink in, his cheeks flushing at his own sudden boldness but keeping a lock on her gaze. She raised her brows in surprise, eyes going wide as her agitation subsided, being replaced with something more delicate before sputtering out, “Oh. Okay. Uh, great. So...why aren’t you doing anything about it?”

He let out a dark chuckle, letting his eyelids get heavy, “Always one for tact.”

She shrugged under his grasp, a slight grin gracing her features at his amused expression, “Would you expect anything less?”

He shook his head, letting his lips twitch upwards as his thumbs absentmindedly rubbed circles into her shoulders, before clearing his throat, “If you had let me finish earlier, your chain of command doesn’t stop at Caine. It includes Yularen, Skywalker, and me. If I’m seen to be ‘romantically involved’ with a crewmember, I could be court martialed. And then you’d be-“

“Sent back to that rock you picked me up from,” she finished for him, letting a hand come up to rub gently at his right wrist, before sighing, “Maker, I hate it when you’re right.”

“It’s a miracle you still like me, then,” he let a cheeky smile pull through his face, causing her to let out a soft giggle. Somewhere between their dispute and his confession, his voice had shifted to a low, coarse whisper that made her want to hang onto every word. He let a hand off her shoulder, gripping her chin lightly between his thumb and forefinger, “Do you understand, cyar’ika?”

Her breath was stolen from her as she watched his eyes glance down to her lips, his thumb gently pulling at her skin to have her bottom lip pop out of it’s sharp hold. She shuddered, a pleasant quiver going down her spine as she nodded at him. She fluttered her lashes at him as he chuckled low at her response, “What does that mean?”

“Promise not to get mad?” he smirked at her, as a matching blush sweeping over both their cheeks.

“Rex,” she quirked a brow at him playfully, drawling out his name almost musically. He smiled wide at her, practically spellbound with how his name sounded on her lips.

“It’s Mando’a,” he paused for effect, looking around to make sure no out of place soldiers were looking over before dipping low, his lips brushing the shell of her ear, “for sweetheart.”

She laughed, the sound warm and full, splaying a hand over his armored heart, the plastoid cool underneath her palm, “Fine. But only you are allowed to call me that.”

She pushed him lightly, having him let go of her shoulders. They stood there, smiling at each other, skin burning where the other’s hands had been, gazes soft with mutual ache. Y/N sighed, “So, what does this mean? For us.”

Rex thought for a minute, walking around her to continue where they had left off cleaning. After she had joined him, he hummed in response, “I think it’s a promise.”

“A promise?” she repeated, finishing up putting all the spares and discarded parts in an unlabelled crate next to the fighter. She leaned against the crate, arms crossing as she grinned at him, “What kind of a promise?”

“After the war is done,” Rex explained, tone surprisingly optimistic, “we can travel the galaxy together. No enemies to be on lookout for, not having to worry about getting caught by my nosy men-”

“Does it have to wait till after the war?” she whined, but still watching him as if he were hanging the stars as opposed to just picking up her tool box. He handed her the plasteel case, latching it closed with one deft hand.

“We can discuss that later,” he sent her a sly wink. She rolled her eyes, righting herself off the crate and looking up at him with the familiar teasing glint in her eyes that he’s come to find very charming.

“Just because you’ve finally confessed, don’t think this means I’ll stop toying with you, sir.”

All he could do was let his smile grow, just thinking about all the alluring ways she’ll drive him crazy, “I never wanted you to stop.”

[trvelyans-archive]

There’s something about the detective’s apartment that’s been bothering Nate, but he couldn’t put a finger on it until today:

It lacks... character.

Celandine has enough character already, of course, but her home doesn’t feel much like a home, with the blank walls, the empty shelves, and the bare windowsills. It’s not a home that Nate feels settled in, anyway, and he suspects the rest of the unit feels the same – even Felix sits uncharacteristically stiff on the couch, like Adam who sits the same way on a chair across the room. Tonight, Nate has taken up position standing beside the wardrobe near the window, running his fingers along the polished cherry wood like he has the past several days and searching for something to say.

He’d truly take anything, but he has no idea where to start.

Even in the weeks that they’ve known and worked alongside the detective, she still remains a mystery to them. For the most part, at least, and in the ways that matter. It doesn’t help that Adam continues to butt heads with her whenever he has the chance – he lacks the sensitivity and care that it takes to get to know such a reserved person. Nate, on the other hand, is making a fair bit of headway in that department…

(He thinks so, anyway. He can’t really tell.)

Somewhere in the room, a clock is ticking. Very, very slowly. It’s probably setting Adam on edge – Nate can practically hear him grinding his teeth from across the room – but he can’t blame Adam for that. After all, there’s little else to do to distract themselves from the sound. But surely, surely, there must be something noteworthy in this apartment, Nate thinks – and if he finds it, or when he finds it, he hopes that she’ll be awake so he can ask her about it. (He supposes that it can wait until tomorrow, but he’d rather not. He’s incredibly bored.)

In a stroke of luck, he looks up to try and find the clock so he can reach for it in the event that Adam launches himself at it and tries to snap it in half, and his gaze is drawn to the top of her bookshelf, where he sees a line of shiny gold and silver trophies. He has no idea how he missed them before - they’ve been keeping guard in the living room of her apartment for days - but on closer inspection, they seem pushed back far onto the shelf, almost like she was trying to hide them. 

Nate can’t imagine she’ll be happy to find out she didn’t succeed.

“Detective,” he calls out anyway, “what are these trophies for?”

Celandine pokes her head through the kitchen doorway, frowning. She’s been making dinner for the past little while, and the idea of Adam’s disapproving stare is the only thing that’s stopped Nate from joining her. (Human food sounds good right about now – or like a good distraction, at least.) “Lots of things,” she answers absently. “Why?”

“Just curious,” he says, trying to sound pleasant. “Would you mind elaborating? I’m quite interested in them.”

She sighs, returning to the kitchen for a brief moment before emerging again and joining the rest of the unit in the living room while she wipes her hands on her shoulders. Over her shoulder, Nate swears he can see Adam watching her, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it before she’s standing beside him with her arms crossed over her chest. “They’re nothing special,” she says, squinting as she tries to read the labels. She’s half a foot shorter than Nate, so he can imagine how difficult it is for her to see them considering how difficult it was for him. “The first one – the smallest one – was for ballet.”

“Ballet?” Felix stands up from the couch and ambles over to them. “You were a ballerina?”

Celandine glances over at him. “Taking a ballet class doesn’t make someone a ballerina,” she says. “I was young, four or five. After...” She trails off and clears her throat, reaching up to smooth her hair against her scalp. “Rebecca enrolled me. I was the best at the recital.”

“Is that what the trophy is for?” Nate asks, smiling good-naturedly.

“No,” she says, completely serious. “They gave everyone trophies.”

He smiles a little wider.

Her hazel eyes move down the line to the next trophy. “That one… Hm. I believe I got the highest mark on mock exams in school. They started doing mock exams when we were young to prepare us for the real thing, which didn’t help most kids because they never studied, anyway. The next one was for a spelling bee that I won when I was around ten or eleven. The next…” She frowns. “I can’t remember.”

“Must not be that important, then,” Mason comments. He’s smoking a cigarette again, even though the detective asked him not to do that in her apartment. Nate shoots him a glare.

Thankfully, she ignores him. She used to challenge Mason in return whenever he tried to pick a fight, but Nate thinks she realized - like everyone does eventually - that it’s a lost cause. Instead, she continues, “The one after that, the larger one, was for the debate team that I was in.” She points to it, and Nate tilts his head so he can see it. (Felix pushes himself up onto his toes and holds onto Nate’s shoulder for support so he can see it, too.) “I was in it all throughout school. We traveled to France for the finals, one year, in Paris. And I was the captain.”

“Unsurprising,” Adam says from behind them. Nate turns around, ready to admonish him, but he’s surprised to find Adam standing up and slowly approaching the three of them, looking on in what seems to be genuine interest.

That’s certainly a new development.

Celandine turns around at the his comment, too, and her look is cool and unchallenging like she’s daring Adam to continue with a criticism before adding, “Well, it might surprise you to know that I played Lady Macbeth in my final year of school.” She turns around and points to the final trophy on the shelf. “I was given an award for it from my directors. I was, supposedly, the best addition to the drama club that year.”

“I never pegged you for an actor, either,” Felix says as he looks at the trophy, still hanging onto Nate’s shoulder for dear life as he purses his lips in thought.

“I wasn’t,” Celandine answers, smiling a little. “I’m just good at telling people what they want to hear. When I want to.”

“Did you like school?” Felix asks, amber eyes wide. It’s becoming clearer and clearer to Nate how much the lack of stimulation in the detective’s apartment has affected the younger vampire. “Do you have any crazy stories?”

“Felix,” Adam says in warning.

“What? I’m just asking!”

“Not any stories that you would find interesting, I’m sure,” Celandine says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Our trip to France was surprisingly uneventful. Besides the man who followed me back to our hotel one night, but I dealt with him without much issue.”

Felix’s eyes are as wide as saucers. Nate feels similarly fascinated and also concerned, considering the fact that the detective was probably very young at that time. He swears he can see Adam’s jaw clench out of the corner of his eye.

“Dealt with him how?” Felix asks.

She smirks, her eyes wandering across the line of trophies again as she loses herself in thought. “I asked him for his phone, pretending that I would give him my number, and instead I called his mother,” she says. “She deserved to know that her son was preying on teenagers, and one on a school trip, no less. We had a very long phone call, and at one point she requested I put it on speaker so she could scold him for everyone around to hear. He cried like a baby, and I doubt he ever tried it again.”

The three of them look at the detective in stunned silence. She raises her chin a little, and in that moment, Nate thinks she looks so much like her mother. “He deserved no sympathy,” she says somewhat defensively.

“I can’t disagree with that,” he replies, clearing his throat. “And I’m not surprised that you kept such a cool head in such… difficult circumstances.”

“Yeah,” Felix chimes. “You’re kind of a badass.”

“I like to think so,” Celandine agrees. She doesn’t thank either of them for the praise, but Nate can tell she appreciates it, if only a little. “Anyway, those are those trophies. I’ve been thinking of throwing them away.”

“You shouldn’t,” Adam says, staring at the trophies. “It’s good to be reminded of your accomplishments.”

Nate can see the hint of a smile on the detective’s lips before Adam glances down at her, the dim light of the apartment twinkling in his eyes, and continues, “It helps to remember that you can succeed whenever you fail.”

Nate sees a flash of something softer cross Celandine’s face – perhaps hurt – before she blinks. “Sounds like you know that from experience,” she responds calmly.

In an instant, Nate can see Adam’s hackles start to raise, so he pushes himself in between them. His job would be a lot easier if he didn’t have to keep the team’s personalities in check like a babysitter, but he knows that everyone – including the detective – have a lot to acclimate to right now, so he’s trying to keep it together as best as he can. “Thank you for indulging me, Detective,” he says, smiling. “It certainly seems like you have accomplished a lot in your life so far, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we’re honored to have you as a part of our team. Perhaps you’ll be able to use all the things you’ve learned against Murphy, when the time comes.”

She seems taken aback by his kindness, especially after Adam’s previous statement, but before Nate can dwell on it, she replaces her smile with a blank, disinterested expression. “I should get back to dinner,” she says, brushing past him with a quick glance in Adam’s direction that the blonde man returns once she’s turned her back.

And then he snarls under his breath and stalks towards his position on the other side of the room once more, leaving Nate to lean against the wall and look after him with a curious eye. Though the conversation with the detective didn’t last as long as he would’ve liked it to, it seems that perhaps he’d learned more about her than he thought.