#a lot of my photos are just On facebook i need to go and back them up to harddrives. last time i did was years ago and that PC broke.

[hyperlightspeed]

the problem if tumblr ( or any major, modern website really ) shut down, that’s losing Hundreds of Thousands of pieces of art, research, media, photos, everything. the rush to archive these kinds of things would happen but it would only be able to preserve a small portion of it. ignoring “hehe funny webbed site”, losing all of that would be an insane blow.

[artdcnaldson]

In part 2 you mentioned Patrick x reader having makeup sex after they got into stupid argument…. Can we get a flashback to one of those moments🤭🤭 domestic Patrick starting an argument with reader and reader calling him out about it but they end up making up in a cute way. Like Patrick making it up in a corny but cute way??? Just a suggestion, part 2 was amazing btw!

Rating: T

Warnings: just a minor argument, language ofc

A/N: thank youuuu!!! No smut in this little blurb, just a snapshot of domestic Patrick x reader in the changeover au 🫶🫶🫶

Also working on art x reader first time and also Patrick x reader first I love you blurbs for the changeover au :) so those will be coming sooooon

It was easy to let the stupid arguments devolve. It started with a facial expression when you brought up your college roommate’s wedding. An eye roll, an I-don’t-want-to-fucking-deal-with-that. And that became your, “why do you treat my friends and my life as less important?”

“I can’t fucking believe you got that out of me wanting to ditch Katie’s wedding to her dickhead loser fiancé.” Patrick’s words came out so flippant that it infuriated you further. “You don’t even talk to her outside of Facebook comments.”

“I’m sorry, Patrick. I didn’t realize that you’d be so fucking opposed to free food and booze considering you live off of it.”

Patrick set his jaw, glaring at you. It was a low blow, one you knew would sting. “I’m opposed to wasting my time flying out to bum fuck Iowa to because Katie— who has always hated me, by the way— is marrying some dickhead who’s a shill for a corrupt asshole in congress.”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe she would like you, Patrick, if you ever put in an ounce of effort with anyone besides me.”

“Right, because I need to be friends with the kind of people whose proposal was a flash mob.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Right, because you’re just too cool for stuff like that.”

It was so fucking like him— making fun of the lame proposals your friends got, or their baby names, or their engagement shoots. Sometimes they were lame— flash mobs were fucking stupid— but sometimes they were sweet, and romantic, and there was Patrick acting like he’d rather blow his brains out than ever publicly admit he cared.

“Yeah, I am.” He said back.

You rolled your eyes and stood. “Whatever, Patrick. I’ll RSVP for one, again, and you can bum around my apartment alone.”

You had slammed the bedroom door before he could respond, which left him alone and seething in the living room.

You heard the front door open, then slam shut, signaling that Patrick was going out for a smoke, or a walk, or something.

You opened Facebook and scrolled through your feed. Katie’s engagement photos, a coworker’s new baby, a college friend’s bachelorette weekend. And there you were, fighting so your boyfriend would finally be your plus one to something.

It wasn’t always his fault— he had tournaments, and commitments. But a lot of the time, it was an active dismissal of things you found important— engagement parties, friends visiting the city, the increasingly common baby shower.

You didn’t blame him. Adult stuff sucked, and it was almost always boring and agonizingly slow. But you just wanted him to show up with you for things that were big.

It would be stupid to break up over Katie, who you genuinely weren’t even that close to. She’d been a decent friend Freshman year, you supposed, but that was the extent of it. The invitation to the wedding was probably a formality.

All you wanted was an excuse to show off your super hot, super cool boyfriend. To get tipsy over free booze, then leave the wedding early to fuck in the shitty Best Western hotel room that wedding guests would get a discount rate on.

A few hours later, the front door opened, and you sat up against the headboard, waiting eagerly to see if he’d be the first to break, or if you would.

You heard four gentle knocks against the door, saw Patrick’s sneakers beneath the door. “You can come in,” you said softly.

Patrick slipped into the room and joined you on the bed. He kept space between you, just in case you were still mad, but met your gaze with the sad eyes of a kicked puppy.

“I bought a suit,” was all he said. “And I tried to buy you a huge bouquet of flowers since I was a dickhead, but my card declined since I just bought the suit, so…”

His hand was resting on the empty expanse of mismatched bedsheets between you. You moved your hand into his, tangling your fingers together. “You bought a suit, huh?”

He nodded, squeezing your hand lightly. “I’ll stop being a dick about Katie’s wedding.” He paused, turning away from your gaze. “I think… I’m away so much that when I’m home, I just want it to be me and you.”

You leaned forward and kissed his nose. “I just want to show you off to everyone I know,” you said lightly. Your forehead stayed pressed to his, and you relished in the closeness. “I don’t give a fuck about Katie or her ugly loser fiancé’s stupid wedding.”

Patrick grinned. “Oh? So you just want a hot, professional athlete to be your arm candy, huh?”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re always cheapening the moment.” You leaned forward kissing him sweetly, which always seemed to devolve into a hungry mess of tongues and spit when Patrick was involved.

“Wait—“ you said suddenly, right as Patrick began peeling off your top. “You said your fucking card declined? You drained your bank account for this stupid wedding?”

He paused, his hands warm on your bare skin. “Uh… it felt like a grand gesture kind of moment.” You leaned in and kissed him, pulling your shirt off the rest of the way.

Not smutty but I neeeeeeeded to write some domestic Patrick x reader 😁🫶 my pookies my babies my loves

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for threatening to become a girl's step dad to troll her into blocking me and stop dragging me in a group chat ? Jenny (23F) blew up because I (24NB) said she'd be a shitty social worker bc of her specific autism symptoms + class bg. My gf (45F) said it was warranted because of how  overwhelmed i got by the wall of text with triggering details of my abuse. I never told my GF that the fight started because Jenny called me a gold digger. I also never mentioned that I ended it an hour later by posting pics of Jenny's mom in the chat, ignoring her ranting and discussing the vacancy left by her dead dad*, and how i could fill said vacancy. 😬😬😬 Might of gone too far with this one.

Backstory: I lived with Jenny when I was houseless indefinitely. She only let me stay for two weeks because it would be too "distracting" to her studies. Jenny was incredibly rich, didn't work, and her parents paid her rent for a 2 bedroom. She admitted she got rejected from every grad school she applied to except for the one her mom was in charge of. Her mom bought her a condo in the city the school was in. She kept asking me how she should decorate it, completely ignorant to how uncomfortable this made me and my other friends. Jenny was oblivious constantly to how she made others feel. She was actually the most incompetent person I've ever met in terms of comforting other, always tone deaf and completely absorbed with her own, single traumatic event. She made constant jokes about the abuser I was fleeing and even compared this stalked to a /serial killer/ documentary she watched, but never EVER showed any signs of internalizing how I almost lost my life to another person, how that might affect me or even just bum me out. Seriously, I've never met someone else who was so incapable of even being sensitive to issues that were /EXTREMELY SERIOUS/. Forget comforting, the stuff she routinely said to me and my other friends to try to cheer us up was beyond degrading. It was wearing on me a lot.

Jenny herself was neurodivergent. She often said her autism prevented her from understanding the feelings others had, reading their expressions, and tolerating crying or loud noise-- she forbid her musician roommate from doing both. None of those mean shes a worthless person, but all of those things would make someone a horrible therapist or social worker. Oh my God, literally every time I talked about my recent trauma, she would talk about herself and then blame her autism when I told her it just wasn't helping.

The final piece of this was I had a nervous breakdown and screamed at her over discord that she was a shit friend and needed to give up on social work, for like an hour. NOT MY PROUDEST, but I ALMOST DIED. I was living with her because SOMEONE WAS STALKING ME. and I would have liked to not have my abuse JOKED about. HOW DID JENNY RESPOND!? She began dragging me, through the mud, in the group chat, for, dating, an, older, woman, who, paid, for, my, air bnb, because, !!!she!!! wouldn't let me live with her for more than a week. I was HOMELESS. It became all about "OP you are such a b*tch, you are with a woman twice your age and she pays for everything now but you are still a miserable and angry person. You are so blah blah blah you are an ableist, you said I can't become a social worker bc of autism blah blah blah you have major major issues, Go back your rich granny and leech off of her you useless, fucked up little gold digger."

U_U Then, she started graphically describing how I deserved my abuse, so I shrimply began to troll. And yes, I pulled out my magnum oppus like fucking playing blue eyes white dragon, oh yeah I slipped her a pristine Jenny's mom facebook photo and said "Hey you never said your mom was so cute. Maybe, I could leech off her next and become your new dad." Yes, her dad died.* She blocked me immediately. Its OK. It was knives out for Jenny as soon as my GF gifted me a pair of $700 Isabel Marant shoes** , the most EXPENSIVE thing ive ever owned in my whole life, and Jenny saw me excited and called her mom to buy her a pair. It's, absolutely OK, if I am the asshole. I wear my crown of thorns, judas that I am, but I really, really think Jenny was being cruel. *he died 18 years ago ** the shoes are no more because i fell into my gf's rich friend's koi pond

[exercise-of-trust]

everyone clap and cheer for my beautiful daughter who has every disease 🥰 her name is þerindë because her wheel is made out of an embroidery hoop; she is entirely handmade and boy howdy does it show

a whole bunch of things have stopped working since i took that video last night and i'm not sure how much more wherewithal i have to keep messing with her, but i did manage to spin about two feet of something before then! so i'm showing her off a bit now, and if i can figure out what-all i fucked up maybe you'll see more of her in the future. some process and progress photos under the cut (not a tutorial. do not do this. i cannot sufficiently stress how bad of an idea this was and is*)

(*if you are going to do this and have questions not answered here i am always happy to answer them, inbox and dms are open etc, but like. i would strongly advise against it)

here's the hoop! it's about a foot across, with a groove carved out with a speedball. this ended up being way too shallow (who'd'a'thunk) so the final version is a lot deeper than what you're seeing here. the paint stirrers are held in with straight pins because i was worried regular nails would just crack the hoop lmao. my girl is so deeply and profoundly scuffed <3

the flyer is made from three cedar shingles glued together because i didn't have a solid piece of wood large enough. astonishingly nothing broke while i was sawing out the rough shape and it whittled down pretty nicely! the hooks are scrap 2mm copper wire, the orfice is a couple inches of plastic drinking straw, and the pulley wheel is also hand-carved, which is why it looks like a fucked-up oreo and has the weird hitch at the top of the spin that you probably saw in the video 🙃 frankly i am astonished it works as well as it does

the wheel frame is. man. the axle supports haven't broken yet but frankly it's a miracle they're still in place with how much strain they're under every time. the original base was that weird little bit of paint stirrer, which (shocker) did not work out in the long run; it's been replaced by an offcut from the frame and is significantly more sturdy now. it's surprisingly level, though, and turns pretty smoothly all things considered!

the frame was a nightmare start to finish; i've never done any serious woodworking before in my life and the whole thing was just kind of slapped together without a plan or any sort of concrete measurement. it wobbles so fucking bad and every few hours i have to push a couple of the parts back together where the nails are sort of drifting out of the wood. you may observe a weird post sticking out the left side of the mother-of-all; that is supposed to be for scotch tensioning. does it actually do that? sort of! the belt is a length of cotton crochet thread that is, after much fiddling, just the right size to not slip out more than once every three minutes.

treadling was another pain to figure out and i think i probably made it way more complicated than it needed to be. it still doesn't work very well and i can't tell if that's something i can fix hardware-wise or if i just have to suck it up and practice a lot more. turns out feet are not as coordinated as hands! i would say "now i know for next time!" but frankly i am never doing this again. you couldn't pay me. speaking of which, i did the math and at my current pre-tax hourly salary i could've bought two brand-new ashford travelers with the number of hours i spent building my awful rickety daughter. at the end of the day, do i love her? immensely. is she "good"? by no stretch of the imagination.

anyway. this was a terrible use of my time <3 but i do finally feel confident enough in all the parts of a spinning wheel and what they're for that i can brave the dangers of facebook marketplace's "spinning wheel" category without getting too badly scammed! which is pretty valuable in its own right, i guess.

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

The Iceman Cometh - Dean x Reader

“The Iceman Cometh” - Dean x Reader

Rating Mature

Dean x Reader

Tags: Sweaty Dean, Turning Up The Heat, Ice Play, Mild Smut, Nipple Play, I Will Again Be Accused of Blue-Balling

Word Count: 1700

You normally love a sticky, slippery, and sweaty Dean. But, this. This is pushing it.

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "Ice-play" square.

A/N: I just wanted to mix things up and write something short and fun.

Image created in Canva (photo used/found online: Facebook - Una Vida SPN)

You normally love a sticky, slippery, and sweaty Dean. But, this. This is pushing it.

“I’m sorry, what?” Dean fists his hands leaning on the motel office counter.

“AC’s out in the only room I got left!” The old lady with coke bottle glasses and Wilma Flinstone pearls repeats herself. Her cigarette-laced voice is scratchy and a couple squeaks higher this time.

You groan. Dean side-eyes you but doesn’t turn his head to acknowledge the irritation.

“It’s 100 degrees out. We get some kinda discount for pain and suffering?” he asks.

“I’ll knock ten bucks off the bill.”

“Ten bucks?” You huff out an incredulous chuckle.

“We’ll take it.”

Before you can yell at him, Dean’s already slapped a credit card on the counter.

~~~~~

Of course, this had to be the first motel with a vacancy during the two-hour trek through the Nevada desert region.

The hotbox of a room smells of mildew, cigarettes, and vinegar. You plod through the humidity and stale stench. Every bit of odor clings to your perspiring skin so there’s no escaping it. Dean curses as he taps buttons and thumbs dials on the window air conditioner, just to verify it's inoperable. You drop your bag on the bed and beeline to the bathroom. 

Dean needs a shower more than you. He was the one who wrestled and skewered a ghoul in a sacred burial ground. But you’re gonna be salty about his decision to stop. You’d wanted to keep going, offering to share driving duties. Who cares if neither one of you had slept in over 24 hours? 

Your pants are around your ankles in a second. The loose porcelain bowl seesaws under your weight. Regardless, you sigh in relief, weeing out all the water you’ve been guzzling to stay hydrated. 

The rap of Dean’s knuckles on the bathroom door interrupts your steady stream of piss. “I’m gonna grab somethin’ at the diner we passed.” Dean’s second preferred method of appeasing you is feeding you. “Be back as soon as I can. Save me some COLD water, baby.” 

A hard tug of the motel door seconds later rattles the paint-by-numbers sagebrush framed on the wall behind the toilet. 

Dean left without taking your food order. You grind your teeth.

~~~~~

Forty minutes pass before the familiar engine rumbles into the lot and headlights flash through the sheer curtains.

The diner was a good fifteen minutes away, one-way, if Dean had been going the speed limit. The Impala’s warp speed must have been activated for him to have actually ordered and brought back dinner. Your stomach somersaults with distress and hunger pangs.

Dean opens the door only to hover within the threshold, a human doorstop.

You’re in a tank top and boy shorts. The best thing you could use to fan yourself is a file folder Sam stuffed with case material before you and Dean left Kansas.

Dean stretches and drops the bag of takeout on the nearby kitchenette table. He eyes you with a frown. “I’m sorry it’s shit in here. I’d say we could sleep in Baby, but it’s worse outside. Seriously.”

You’re laid atop the bed stripped of its scratchy and threadbare comforter, which is now a heap on the floor. “You know, all the times you’ve had to put that car back together again piece by piece; maybe one of those times you could have installed some air conditioning.”

He raises a finger to signal you should wait for something impressive. He dips half his body back outside, foot holding the door open. There’s bumping and huffing. Then the green cooler appears, held triumphantly in his hands. “I brought ice! Waitress at the diner sold me pounds of the stuff.” He’s sensibly in only a t-shirt, having left his duffle and jacket in the room when he’d left earlier. 

“The iceman cometh.” The eyeroll is excessive, but you can’t seem to not.

“Eat, grumpy. My turn for a shower.”

~~~~~

He crunches ice chips. You suck on one cube, swirling it from one cheek pocket to the other until it melts, and then repeat with another. Forearm to forearm, you both sprawl out on the queen-sized mattress. You snapped at him earlier about the heat the boob tube would create. He stews alongside your percolating tension. You’ve allowed the bathroom light to stay on. A yellow fluorescent haze slices from the open door and spills over Dean.

There’s no escape from the heat.

“Pulse points,” he mutters.

“Right,” you snip. Your hand scoops ice out of your red solo cup. You circle a cube along your inner wrist.

There’s a shake from his side of the bed. You glance over. He’s shirtless, clad only in his boxers, rubbing ice up and down the back of his neck. Which only pisses you off more.

This hunt was supposed to end days ago. You were supposed to be celebrating your anniversary at the bunker today. You had some fun times planned. A surprise dinner of all Dean’s favorites and a movie marathon in the Dean Cave.

“I’m sorry,” you and Dean mumble simultaneously.

“We’ll get back on the road soon, sweetheart. I was spent and seeing double. Even if I can’t sleep, it’ll help just not being in motion.”

“I’ve been a major bitch.” You laugh at Dean’s deer-in-headlights reaction to your admission. “You don’t have to agree or disagree on that count, babe. You know how I get when shit doesn’t go according to plan. And, this fucking heat is not helping.”

“We both pop our tops an equal amount. That’s what makes us perfect for each other.” The backs of two of his fingers skim your elbow.

“Except when we both blow up at the same time.”

“Nah, that’s even better. Then we get to have angry make-up sex.”

You whoop out a laugh. “That’s never happened.”

“It could now?”

You grin. “But I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at everything else.”

He shrugs. “Take it out on me, then.” He reconsiders. “Or, let me cool you down?”

It’s your turn to raise a brow.

Dean grins. He tips his head way back with the cup to his lips. He shakes his hand and the ice crackles. Cup back in his lap, you spot one cheek puffed out like a chipmunk. His face crinkles up.

“You’re gonna give yourself brain freeze, idiot.”

“Worth it,” he mumbles.

His lips lean in to press a kiss. You giggle at Dean’s clumsy attempt with a mouthful of ice. A surprised squeal follows when he slips an ice cube between pursed lips to run across yours. He pulls back and smiles, crooked and unhinged. He plops the cubes into his cup sounding like a penny slot machine and sits it on his side table. 

He pulls you in close for a kiss, expertly grabbing your cup from your hands. You can’t be bothered to care where he hides it.

His tongue is so cool. A popsicle with a mind of its own that you want to suck on for days. He’s very agreeable to the way your lips wrap around it. He moans. You love the particular sound of that one. It strains out of his throat. Thankful. Relaxed.

He’s fiddling with more ice, having wedged your cup between two pillows. “You’re always so hot,” he quips after you relinquish his tongue.

You skim one leg between his thighs. The skin contact is tacky and sticky. “You’re always so cheesy.”

“Not always,” Dean says with a smirk. “In this instance, I’m just stating a fact.”

You hiccup a gasp at the ice cube he presses to your wrist without warning.

Dean glides it slow, a serpentine slither, to the crook of your elbow. He swirls the spot and lets it melt and drip from your body to the sheets. His green eyes concentrate on the task. 

You can’t help but lose yourself watching him. His body shimmers in a sheen of sweat. Every minute shift highlights the beautiful angles of his face. Perspiration beads up under the hairline of his forehead. You can’t resist kissing and sipping at his upper lip. He grins and returns the gesture.

He uses another piece of ice to continue upward to your shoulder. He traces the shoulder strap of your tank. A hop over it and he’s sliding down the outline of your collar. It’s a quick ride into your cleavage where he lets the remnants melt and add to the already damp material.

His tongue laps at the wetness that’s collected there. You sigh and lean back. He hums and kisses the curve of your breast, slides the strap down, and then nuzzles into the notch of your armpit.

After a few seconds, he rises up in order to gaze into your eyes with the most innocent of expressions; even though he’s freed one of your tits from the confines of your clothing.

More ice rattles by your ear like maracas.

You’re in trouble.

You purse your lips at the biting cold against your neck. It’s electrifying and refreshing. He outlines your collarbone back and forth for emphasis. A shift and he’s leaning beside you, up on one elbow to drink in the sight. One leg drapes over yours, locking you into place. You feel the growing bulge in his boxers. There’s no escaping what he has in store.

He juggles two cubes between his fingers and journeys along the crest of your breast. He’s grinning with mischief and lust now. Then his mouth parts when the ice meets your nipple. Your flesh hardens and tightens on contact. You groan. Your core clenches.

He gnaws on his bottom lip as he circles the dark pebbling bud. Air squeaks out of your mouth. You squirm. It’s a beautiful freeze burn of contrast.

Once the ice melts, his fingers, also chilled, take over kneading and pinching. His patience gone, he bends down and latches onto your cool tit. He nurses with that sinful mouth and grazes your nipple with tongue and teeth until your skin tingles back to life.

You are so out of your head with the noises he’s making and the show he’s putting on, that you're ill-prepared for his cold fingers slipping under the hem of your shorts.

You shriek giggle, “Dean!”

He ends his sucking with a loud pop. He whispers against your lips, “Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.”

~~~~~

Update: Got inspired and filled another bingo square with these two. You can read "Just A Little Spice" here.

[discluded]

I just realized that the porsche in the book was probably like kinn’s type? Cos they initially imagined a korean actor to play it right.. so apo being called to cast is really sus lol

I have never read KPTN and according to people who have, it's better for my brain that I haven't 😂

According to Reliable Sources, apparently Porsche wasn't Kinn's Type™ because Kinn's type is pretty and novel!Porsche wasn't pretty. But Apo is very pretty so obviously that wouldn't work 😁

Okay since I have a minute now:

KinnPorsche Casting: The Lore

First posting (one version) of the casting story for everyone to set the stage. Thanks to @lorddio for helping me find this one again and MileApo Safe Place for translating as always. it's got a very special part that needs highlight 😉

But setting the record straight(ha!) about the basics:

Mile was Kinn's face model, and purportedly many elements of Kinn were based off of Mile's public image (very importantly: wealthy heir to an important Thai family)

In the variations of posts about Mile is Kinn lore I've seen, this was the specific photo that inspired Daemi's Kinn. He reposted it around the same time his casting for KPTS was announced (this was reposted Dec 2020) but if I remember correctly from scrolling back in his feed, it was taken when he was 24-25 years old.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by MP 15.15 (@milephakphum)

As anon mentioned, and Apo mentioned in the clip above, Daemi chose a Korean actor as the face cast for Porsche.

However, he was contacted and specifically invited to audition for the role of Porsche. According to Apo, he didn't even read for any other characters

Those are the basic public facts we can agree on. But of course there's more going on behind the scenes! There's actually a lot going on here so I'm going to break it down for each actor, starting with Mile because that might set the ground for some of what happened with Apo.

Admittedly some of this is my opinion or interpretation, so take it with a grain of salt and use your own judgment! Again, the above facts are what is probably known and agreed upon.

Casting dates (a clarification)

First of all, there's a couple of confusing things going on with the dates, which I actually didn't highlight in the last post about it, but was exposed by the Facebook posts.

The first Facebook post dated October 1, 2020 talks about how the audition process has started and the first round will go on to October 3. The second post is from October 4 and then lists the dates of the auditions for October 10.

Now, October 10, the "official" audition date is (1) The day Mile and Apo were both fast tracked through auditions and (2) met again. I don't think anyone on the English side of fandom has noticed this or at least publicly talked about this discrepancy so I'm bringing you hot news (that I've been sitting on and not sharing lol)

It is worth pointing out that this is supposedly the photo below is of their first kiss from the auditions, and they're both wearing different clothes, so. I'm guessing the fast tracking was actually for the first round of auditions between Oct 1-3, and then the kiss was Oct 10.

Anyway, they sat next to each other and Apo talked to Mile first, regardless of if it was the same day (likely not, in my opinion)

There's also a couple of different photos of them together at audition.

Notably, in the first they're sat in uh, waiting area chairs. There's a different clip of Apo sitting behind Bible, so I'm guessing this is before Apo talked to Mile and he had noticed Mile while sitting in this area and went to talk to him.

The moved together down the line to the audition room, I think?

where Sprite interviewed them:

Also based on this last photo they switched sitting order at some point while waiting to audition

Mile's casting

So aside from the fact Mile visibly went to auditions, there is a rumor with some basis that Mile was pre-cast as Kinn. Probably soft confirmed by Mile himself.

I'm just going to close the loop on this discrepancy too: I think Mile was an invited audition/casting in the same way Ke Huy Quan was invited to audition for for Waymond Wang. Mile did audition. He was likely get the role because he was so preferentially invited by the authors and was the basis for the character.

Clearly, Ke Huy Quan won an Oscar and Mile won a GQ breakout actor award, so in invited casting, even for seemingly "unimportant" roles, it doesn't speak to an actor deserving or not deserving the role based on of acting skills. Mile also was cast as the main character Bohn in My Engineer in 2017 before turning it down; he clearly has some acting chops and can win lead roles.

In academia, often times internal postings will open for tenure track positions with a preferred candidate in mind; but due to rules these postings are made public and sometimes an outside candidate will blow the preferred candidate out of the water in terms of quality and get hired instead.

Which is to say there could have been another actor that ended up impressing more in auditions as Kinn even with Mile being preferred, or another actor pair that seemed more suited for Kinn and Porsche.

The other thing auditions do is allow for actors to screen test chemistry. So finally, Mile actually going through the casting process allows him to screen test a for a pairing partner. Which brings us to...

Pre-cast Preferred casting rumor credibility: 10/10

Apo's Casting

Play Mastermind.mp3 by Taylor Swift

Once Twice upon a time, the planets and the fates And all the stars aligned You and I ended up in the same room At the same time

Okay if you didn't catch it on the first watch...

Mile, what the heck is that expression. 😂😂😂

Again, Apo was invited to go to casting specifically for Porsche and only for Porsche. Apo has never acted in a BL before going to audition for KPTS, so the question begged who invited him and why?

First of all, Mile has made it clear that he was a fan of Apo's acting work and followed his career after they met in the gym. He's also made it clear he had the world's biggest crush on Apo. Look how excited he was to talk about working with Apo and how handsome he thinks Apo is in January 2021 (like 3 months after they met again!)

If Mile was the preferential Kinn cast and he didn't have an pairing partner, it would make sense to ask him if there were any actors he thought he might work well with.

I'm not entirely convinced Mile engineered for Apo to get cast or anything. Apo's acting career and skills stand on their own and I think their insane screen chemistry speaks volumes about why they were cast. But as for who made the request to Apo's manager ... hm 😏 Maybe we'll find out one day.

Mile Phakphum - Mastermind.mp3 rumor credibility: 6/10

[jillvalentine]

re: my relationship with my abuser, currently @/gwendaria (part one?)

My abusive ex has unfortunately been going full-on with the latest DARVO / smear campaign, and this time it seems to have reached a few people. These callouts are made-up, and they've been popping up continuously in different forms since early 2021 in an attempt to silence or smear me, regardless of their inconsistencies. One second I'm an emotionally abusive gaslighter who they've finally been freed from. The next, I'm someone they don't even know about. The next... I'm a renown stalker. The next... I'm a random girl who got romantically obsessed with them and turned into a terf when I got rejected. The neeeext... I'm a terf stalker racist? Okay! I don't even know anymore. There's definitely more.

I mostly want to focus on the facts. The facts are that I've shared about my experiences enough that I shouldn't have to entertain stupid shit anymore. There will always be the next narrative, more scandalous than the last. Going forward, I just want to make the evidence more accessible so that anyone can find it.

I still have all of our texts, discord logs, whatsapp logs, voicemails, facebook messages, hundreds of screenshots from me and from others (onlookers & other people who have been harmed), and I've become friends with people who have also been friends with or intimate with this person and came out from the other side (some are public and others aren't, because, hey! Look what happened to me after I came out. I have been stalked almost on the hourly for about 4 years now, and I know it won't stop, because I know exactly who my abuser is.)

About 3 years have passed now, so a lot of the 'big' conversations or screenshots I shared earlier on when I spoke out about what had happened to me have been buried in time. (but they are, still there.)

Screenshots where they ragged on and on about my friends, about me being naïve and that I'd know better when I was "a real adult" like them, telling me to drop dead, telling me about slitting their wrists, telling me that someone was messaging them about 'cumming on my face' after I posted (1) selfie. Blocking me everywhere for a bit over that selfie. Unblocking me. Yelling at me. Blocking and unblocking me again because I said something about how they were being awful to me. Rinse and repeat with the next insane shit.

This was during covid lockdown, and it was 24/7. I couldn't fucking breathe. I got questioned about going to the supermarket with my mom. I got mindfucked for not explicitly saying I was back home when I said I was getting the mail, under the guise of caring so much about me, of course.

One time, I sent a snap of these leggings I liked online. Because the photo sent as a file instead of a normal-full-screen-just-taken snap, it became a whole argument of "Did you share this with anyone else?" and I would be like... what would be wrong if I did? Why is it wrong for me to send a photo of some leggings I think look good to a friend to get her opinion? A lot of conflict happened this way. They were incredibly controlling and suffocating, all under the claims of past trauma, undiagnosed mental illness, and most of all - flowery apologies or proclamations.

I used to think I was able to push through anything that happened because they would apologize to me, and it made it okay again. I genuinely thought they just needed someone to give them a chance to heal and get better, or get back to how they used to be early on in the relationship. I wanted to be that someone, I wanted to be strong enough to take all of it and be okay at the end. It gradually got worse, and I found myself trapped in the relationship. Anytime I was close to getting away, I would get drawn back with push-and-pull manipulation tactics. If I had pulled away to recover from their mistreatment, I was then the one apologizing for having had to pull away, and how bad that pulling away had affected them. How awful I was and how much I regretted being affected by anything. I would blame anything else (it wasn't you, it was my own anxiety) to make things calm down.

I didn't see any of this coming from the start. It was a gradual process. Near the end, I was googling things about how to fix toxic relationships (it didn't work because the relationship wasn't a two-way street, it was abusive), trying to think for 5 different people to avoid outbursts, trying to explain away how someone might gaslight and manipulate others without it being fully conscious and intended. I found out it was 100% intentional when I got out. They were telling others that I was doing to them what they were doing to me, along with a bunch of other bullshit to pre-emptively plant seeds.

Gwen frequently tries to use the worst buzz words to create stories and alienate people from one another. She doesn't care about any social issues. What she likes or dislikes is entirely based on what she needs to get out of a situation. If someone she's fixating on positively likes xyz thing, she likes it too. If someone she's fixating on negatively likes or dislikes something, she'll do the opposite. She constantly invented stories and tried to frame people I'd known for years, or anyone who dared to interact with my posts anywhere. She literally impersonated people and had accounts hacked. All she does is obsess over people. She constantly monitored me and created conflict over anything, real or made up. She especially liked to create conflict when it was late, or when I was otherwise not-fully-there, like when I was drugged following a surgery. I was so out-of-it that at that point I didn't want to fight for myself or others anymore.

Near the end of the relationship, I had a private account that I would hide on because social media, and really anything social, had become a minefield. Multiple people had witnessed the change from before the relationship, the start of it, up to the end. I deactivated my main twitter for a period of time (although I was careful enough to reactivate it once every 30 days so it wouldn't be permanently lost) and had to ignore people, stop myself from posting or liking things, and plead with people not to mention anything about me because I would have to answer for it. Multiple people remember me asking them to delete certain posts, or just be careful not to give out that I was doing anything with them. I was abnormal and an immature adult for wanting to spend a bit of time with or buy a gift for my friend on their birthday. We had an age gap, and at first, it was all "you're probably more mature than me :)" - until it turned to Real Adults Don't Spend Time With Friends, lol. Real adults are 100% focused on their partner. Real adults aren't on social media, and other thinly-veiled degradation + mindfuckery. Funny how my age became a bad thing, but they were the experienced 29-year-old who knowingly pursued the inexperienced 23-year-old.

Near the end of the relationship, I was starting to hide away to spend more time with people who treated me well, and it helped me get out. I saw that the way I felt every day wasn't normal. It reminded me of what good relationships are like and what they feel like. My friends tried their best to be supportive, but it was very difficult because my partner was trying very hard to isolate me from them through threats, aggression and manipulation. I'm incredibly lucky that they stayed by my side and told me that what was happening wasn't normal.

Getting out was hard. Staying out was hard. Even after everything that happened, following the split, I told my friends I didn't know what I would do if they tried to get me back again. SO fucking glad that's over.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Finds a Coping Mechanism: The Until We Meet Again Rewatches

I've been so committed to crushing through the Old GMMTV Challenge that I kind of didn't allow myself to think that life's blips and bloops would shake me from my pace.

Well, real life has SLAYED ME as of late, SLAYED ME, and as @lurkingshan has noted to me -- yes, there's a CERTAIN amount of dissonance for my watching UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, OF ALL SHOWS, as a coping mechanism, but here we are. I wanted to copy @bengiyo and rewatch UWMA anyway as a means of preparing for New Siwaj's Absolute Zero, which will be premiering at the end of September -- a time when my life will be calm-ish (???) again -- so I decided to take the plunge to see if UWMA would be a salve to my frayed nerves. It is, it totally is.

So here's some stream of consciousness notes, quite unlike my usual comparative/analytical style, just to honor what a ridiculously fabulous show UWMA is. (In my OGMMTVC analyses, I don't always get to gush over the cute stuff anyway because my posts get so long, so I'm doing a little of that here, too, ha.)

I knew that as soon as I watched it the first time for the OGMMTVC that I desperately wanted to rewatch it, so I just gave myself the go-ahead to eat the leum kleun candy. I've already completed one rewatch and am well into a second rewatch -- this show is so damn good, and now that I know the beats much better, I'm just having a lot of fun seeing in-depth the little nuances I missed the first time.

1) On my first watch, I did not appreciate how clearly Pharm was into Dean from the very start. The way Pharm flips through the photos of Dean that Team sends him from the first beach trip; the photo of Dean eating Del's breakfast; the way Pharm looks at the Facebook photo of Dean holding up the leum kleun. And how Pharm reacts when he saves Dean's phone number in his phone -- that ENORMOUS grin. I knew a lot going in the first time about Pharm's blushing maiden approach and how he was gunshy with intimacy for so much of the show. But I forgot in those early episodes -- homeboy was really into his crush! Taking that secret photo in the library, etc. He acknowledged it pretty immediately -- especially in that whispered conversation Pharm has with Team and Manaow in their English class. I had also forgotten that the show began with Pharm possibly questioning his sexuality, but being solidly knowledgable that it was Dean that was causing him to catch feelings.

2) Speaking of that fleeting moment in the library: after having watched the entire series the first time around, and remembering that Dean had saved that very first Post-It that Pharm had used to write a quick note on the papers that Pharm gave back to Dean in the library in... episode 2? Pharm had originally erased his name on that Post-It. It didn't click with me until this rewatch that Dean was able to make out Pharm's erased name from that Post-It -- which caused Dean to save the note, and use it as reference in the very last scene of the series. So cute.

3) I finally took the time to read about Phra Aphai Mani, the prince of the legend that Dean and Pharm talk about in the aquarium. Remember how Pharm says to Dean that Pharm doesn't like players?

DUDES. HAVE YOU READ ABOUT PHRA APHAI MANI? I guess, like, yes, if you're gonna have a super-long epic poem, a lot of shit needs to happen, but Aphai just kept marrying WIFE AFTER WIFE! FOUR WIVES TOTAL! One ogress, one mermaid, and two maybe humans? A half-ogress son here, a half-mer/son THERE, prince of THIS, king of THAT. Homeboy's life was COMPLICATED! I'm all EXTREMELY SYMPATHETIC to chaos, but this takes the damn cake. (And maybe gives me a touch more context into what's happening with that second marriage in I Feel You Linger In the Air, without the actual monsters/mermaids.) (Oh man -- imagine the Only Friends version of Phra Aphai Mani.) (NO.)

4) The first time around, I kind of though that the bits about Alex hitting on Pharm were a little extraneous and maybe a touch unnecessary, à la New Siwaj's style. But after my first rewatch, I stopped thinking so, and I actually began to enjoy them -- not only for how ridiculous they are, but I also recognized that that was the first time in the show that we see Pharm establishing boundaries. Of course, we see Pharm in his blushing maiden era forming boundaries with his P'Deeeean. But the way he's very clear with Alex, putting up as many walls as necessarily, and being exact in his communication that he likes someone else and is VERY not into dating Alex -- Pharm showed clarity and strength there. While Dean clearly liked to care for Pharm and treat Pharm as his younger companion -- Pharm also had agency, and knew he owned his agency, and I liked how that agency was first demonstrated vis à vis Alex.

5) I totally forgot about this, but -- I think it was the second time they had breakfast together in Pharm's condo? the third? that scene where Pharm's wearing the yellow shirt and he drops the bowl -- remember when Pharm asks Dean if he's mixed-race? I don't think I still understand the meaning of that. I'm guessing Pharm is asking if Dean is Thai-Chinese? I want to think on this more, because -- in episode 16, when Pharm goes to his uncle's/grandpa's house, it is clear that the house is a Thai-Chinese household. There are banners with Chinese script on the walls. I wonder if that was meant to indicate that Pharm was under the impression that he himself (Pharm) was fully ethnic Thai -- but with his relationship to his dad's side of the family being more revealed, it would turn out that Pharm himself was also "mixed." I did think it was cute that Pharm said, "I like it" to Dean after Dean's answer -- another instance where Pharm was being clearly flirty, despite the whole blushing maiden thing.

6) I did not appreciate the first time around, how good Ohm Thitiwat's acting was in the car scene when he's processing Korn's suicide. At the end of the series, I was so taken by the condo scene that I failed to give props to other intense moments, and that car scene was one of them. When Dean arrives at the building where Pharm and Sin lived next to each other -- a part of me wondered if he had originally intended to visit Sin, before hesitating to knock on Pharm's door. I'm not sure, and I wasn't sure after this rewatch. But that was a hell of a recognition moment on the part of Ohm's acting, and it was really damn good. (In fact -- it was my thinking about that car scene, and my wanting to watch it again, that prompted these rewatches in the first place.)

7) It may have been a little confusing, but: I really liked that the Korn x Intouch flashbacks were never presented in chronological order. I liked that the show had Dean and Pharm piece together their dreams and nightmares to come to a collective understanding about the trajectory of Korn and Intouch's relationship, even before Dean receives the background information from Sin. I know I was always a little confused during my first watch as to what moment in time I was watching with Korn and Intouch, but I recognize now that that was a reflection simply of when Pharm and Dean were receiving the same information themselves -- and I liked that the viewer was going through the same process that Dean and Pharm were going through.

8) At the way beginning of the series -- episode 2, maybe? episode 3? -- I like that Dean slyly figures out where to park himself on campus to see Pharm coming out of class. This is before the electric transformer explosion. Dean already was so swayed by Pharm. So cute.

9) I think it first struck me as a touch weird that Manaow and Del (Dean's sister!) were the admins of the DeanPharm chat group. But now that I can think more about it -- I wonder if they were doing that maybe as a way to help Pharm through his hesitancy and protect him from the fans. That being said: one of my absolute favorite moments was when Del first leans about Dean's first sleepover at Pharm's condo -- the way she jumps up and down and tries to calm her smile down. I was CRAAACKING up.

10) Maybe it's because I'm Indian, and used to very large and complicated families, that the relationship between Dean being a part of Intouch's family and having Korn's spirit, and vice versa with Pharm, wasn't confusing to me. But what really got me during my first rewatch was: Fluke Natouch's just INCREDIBLE acting when Pharm first meets Intouch's sister/Dean's grandmother, and Intouch's niece/Dean's mother. When I first watched the scene of Pharm meeting Dean's grandmother, a number of friends commented on loving that scene as well. GOD. It struck me as hard the second time around as the first time. And I think I was even MORE moved the second time around to see Pharm meeting Dean's mother.

Dean's mother had to process a LOT in the moment that she met Pharm. She had to process that her son had a boyfriend, that that boyfriend was there in her house in the first place, and that she'd have to tell her husband (Dean's dad) that their son's boyfriend was sleeping over. AND, that was all BEFORE Pharm had his reaction to Dean's mom once he was finally awake and processing things again. And THEN, she knew that Dean HIMSELF would have to tell his dad the next day and ask for his blessing. Moms have to go through a lot (do I ever know that life), but that was a LOT for Dean's mom, and god, I just gained a new appreciation for those scenes and how Dean and Pharm managed the whole damn thing together. (Also, now that I've seen The Love of Siam, as well as, of course, KinnPorsche -- and, OH, Be My Favorite, too! Kob Songsit. LEGENDARY BL DAD!)

11) My initial flip-out on the condo scene still stands. During my rewatch, I rewound it, like... three times? Fuck, man. One of the BEST BL scenes, ever, ever.

12) I loved taking my time to watch the very final scene, when Dean and Pharm have had the same dream of Korn and Intouch thanking them, and they get back together. I really loved paying attention to how all the Post-Its came back, the meaning of Never Forget, all the little notes and memories of when they had first met. Intouch's ring, the very first note Pharm wrote to Dean, all of it. Dean was such a sentimental simp from the start.

(Because I'm on such a DeanPharm kick -- and I know this is against better advice, but -- I'm considering a fast watch of Between Us just to see DeanPharm's conclusion. I know! The side couples are supposed to be chaotic, but, but. Once I get more time.)

13) Last note. Again, when I have time again, I'm wanting to write a Big Meta on separation. I've noted in some of the most important GMMTV BLs, that separation is often a key theme. But I think Pharm asking for a break was also incredibly key, and keyed into his continued commitment to setting boundaries. I think I probably fell most for Pharm as a character with him doing this -- strange, I know, since I love DeanPharm incessantly, but his standing up for clarity for his feelings meant so much for the internal strength he had gained by surviving the ordeal they had gone through. He was going to stick to his guns to make sure the relationship was authentic FOR HIM, and he did just that.

GOD, THIS WAS CATHARTIC! If you read this, thanks for going through this with me! I'm addicted to writing and this was a fun break in the midst of life chaos. I promise the OGMMTVC will hopefully continue without interruption, but that being said -- I'm watching Not Me, slowly, and having a great time with it. But UWMA is my woobie at the moment, and I just love having fallen in love with this show.

[wrestlersownmyheart]

"In Dreams" Chapter 4 (Hook X Older Female Reader)

Title: In Dreams Pairing: Hook X Older Female Reader Summary: Hook meets the woman of his dreams. Literally. The only problem? She is married in actuality. And her marriage is not the happy one she tries to portray in reality. Not to mention Y/N has a secret she failed to reveal in their shared dreams. Can Hook persuade her to leave her husband and seek the safety of his love instead? Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with AEW. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination. Content/Trigger Warnings: Through the story as a whole–Domestic Abuse against a woman, this chapter has blood and violence

Chapter 4

You called in to both your jobs the next day and quit.

Derek made you.

He was convinced you were cheating with a co-worker and the only way to get you to stop was to make you quit your jobs.

In the space of twelve hours, he'd totally isolated you. You had no one.

And on top of that, you had no way to pay bills once they came due. Something you'd not been able to get through Derek's head.

You were frightened, because you knew when the bills were due you'd most likely suffer another beating for not having enough money to pay them.

You fought sleep tooth and nail. You knew there was only so long you could go without sleep, but you had to stay away from Hook. You couldn't bear for him to get hurt.

You couldn't let that happen. You'd fallen for Hook plain and simple. There was so much about him you didn't know–and he of you, but there was a lot you did know about him too. You could feel in your dreams how much he cared about you. Truly. He'd never hurt you. You just knew that.

So, you spent your time cleaning the old house and wondering why because you were most likely going to be evicted in the next couple months. But that was something your mother had instilled in you was to keep a clean house.

You had to find a way out of this marriage. You just had to.

If you didn't he was going to kill you and most likely SIenna too.

"I have to figure a way out," You thought out loud as you scrubbed the bathroom shower. "There's no other option."

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

It had been several days since Hook had seen Y/N. He was just sick. He couldn't get his mind on wrestling which used to be all he thought about. He couldn't focus on anything. He didn't care about food or working out. He didn't even enjoy sleeping since he wasn't seeing Y/N.

He headed for the showers and cleaned up quickly, and then minutes later was leaving the gym for his apartment. He was going to search for Y/N online.

Once he was sitting on his bed in his bedroom, he pulled his laptop from his backpack and began his search.

He started by Googling "Y/N Y/L/N, New England". He found numerous profiles on facebook and dug through them in search of Y/N.

About an hour, and countless photos later, he came across a picture on Google that unmistakably resembled her. He clicked on the link that took him to a Facebook profile of a woman named Y/N Y/L/N.

"Gotcha," Hook smiled and began looking through the profile. She'd not been on in about a year however. Still, it would let him know where she most likely was.

Boston, he quickly realized as he looked through her bio.

From there he went back to Google and used a reputable people search engine to locate her address and phone number.

Another half hour later, he was confidently scribbling down her address and then heading for his rental.

He was getting an immediate flight to Boston.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Derek was out at the moment, doing God only knew what, so you took that opportunity to take a much needed nap. Your fever was spiking, your body ached, both from the abuse it had taken as well as the cold–which you were beginning to wonder if it was the flu–and you were dehydrated because you couldn't keep your mind clear enough to drink fluids. You were going to have a trip to the hospital if you didn't take better care of yourself.

As for your nap, you could only hope you wouldn't run into Hook. Okay, so you actually couldn't help but wish you would, but you knew it was better for everyone involved if you didn't.

You had just flopped onto the bed, when you heard a knock at the door.

Sighing, you took the wet washcloth from your forehead that you'd been using to aid with your fever, laid it on the night table, and raised up from the bed. Slowly, you made your way down the hall to the stairs. Your sickness was taking its toll. You were recognizing the signs of needing a doctor, and soon. As you headed down the stairs, you stumbled and nearly tumbled down the last few steps. By the grace of God you caught hold of the railing and held on for dear life till your feet became more steady.

Another knock. More insistent.

"I'm… I'm coming…" You tried to call out. But it only came out a soft whisper. Your breathing was turning ragged and you wanted so badly to just curl up on the floor and go to sleep.

Finally, finally you reached the door just as a booming knock sounded. And you became afraid that Derek had gone out, got drunk, and forgotten his keys to the house.

He'll kill me now for taking so long, you thought, as you fumbled with the chain lock and then the dead bolt.

After what seemed like ages, you got the door open. Your eyes were lowered. Initially. But you slowly raised your gaze.

You saw a pair of jeans clad legs. Then a black hoodied torso.

Hook's handsome face swam before you as you lifted your eyes higher.

He looked shy for a change. Or unsure, you didn't know which. And then he saw the state you were in.

"H-Hook…" You stammered out in shock. Your heartbeat sped up and then you were sinking to the floor.

"Y/N!" He softly called your name out and latched onto your arms, holding you upright. "Baby, you're burning up! Badly!"

"You c-can't… b-be here…." you sobbed. "Derek… he'll be back any minute."'

Your legs trembled and you started to go down again. Hook uttered a soft curse and bent down, lifting you up into his arms, bridal style, noted your wince of pain.

Then he was entering your home, and kicking the door shut behind him as you finally gave in to the darkness creeping into your vision…

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Hook took a deep breath and stepped out of his rental as he eyed the ramshackle house before him. It was an old two-story building that had seen better days.

"No wonder Y/N was so nervous about me seeing her home." He thought aloud as he headed for the front porch. Well, no more. I'm going to show her that I don't care in the least what she lives in. Although, if she'll have me, I'll make sure she never has to worry about living like this any more. Never mind that Y/N was married. She obviously wasn't happy in the marriage and Hook was going to take her away from the dude, plain and simple.

He stepped up to the porch and knocked on the front door. Waited a moment and then knocked again. He could hear stirring within the front room or hallway and proceeded to pound the door again. He was halfway in a boxing stance in case he had to fight the husband right away, when the door finally opened.

Y/N stepped up to the door frame as her gaze slowly–very slowly–lifted to meet his.

Hook saw how pale she was and instantly knew something was terribly wrong. He was vaguely aware of the bruise at her jawline when she spoke softly.

"H-Hook…" she cried weakly and then went sailing for the floor.

"Y/N!" He said loudly, trying to rouse her as he grabbed at her arms and held her up. He could feel her scorching skin against his hands. "Geez, baby, you're burning up! Badly!"

"You c-can't… b-be here…." she choked out on a sob. "Derek… he'll be back any minute."'

She started to fall again and he lifted her limp frame up into his arms, cradling her against his muscled chest as he let out a low curse.

"Baby… Wake up…" he uttered, jostling her slight frame in his arms. "Please." He carried her through the hallway to the living room to find only a recliner or a love seat to lay her on. He went in search of the bedroom so he could properly lay her in bed.

He went up the stairs quickly and discovered the bedroom to be the first door on the right. He entered the room and carried Y/N over to the bed where he gently deposited her onto it. Then he picked up the cold, wet washcloth from her night table and placed it over her forehead. And that is when he fully noticed and took in her wounded state.

Her face was bruised, and she had a split lip. God only knew what else had happened to her.

"The scumbag hits her," he growled to himself. No wonder she was so scared.

"I've gotta get you to the hospital," he murmured. "You need medical help."

He started to lift her back up to carry her to his car when he heard a baby's cry nearby.

"What the-" He headed for the doorway, following the sound of the baby's wails. He moved across the hallway and found a nursery with a baby in a crib. A little girl. Less than six months old.

"What the…" He repeated. Y/N hadn't mentioned a daughter.

He cautiously stepped up to the crib, not wanting to frighten the baby. "Hey, sweetie," he said softly, and reached down, brushing his thumb over the baby's silky cheek. "You're mom's gonna be okay. I promise."

When the baby continued to cry, he awkwardly lifted her up and held her against his chest, jostling her. "Shh-shh…" Immediately, the baby quieted and snuggled against his shoulder.

"What… what are you doing?..."

Hook turned and saw you bracing yourself against the nursery's door frame. "

"Your baby was crying," he answered, jostling the infant again. "I thought I should comfort her."

"I mean…" you clearly were struggling to keep your mind focused. "I mean, what are you doing here? If Derek finds you here…"

Why didn't you tell me he hits you," Hook demanded, gently laying the baby back down in the crib. He stepped over to you and tilted her chin back with his fingers so he could get another look at you. "That son of a-"

"You have to leave, Hook. Please."

"I'm not leaving you here. As lame as this probably sounds, Y/N, I've come to take you away from here. Away from all this."

You immediately shook your head. "You can't. I can't. I mean…" you huffed a weak sigh. "He'll… He'll kill us. All of us."

"Baby, you don't know who I am if you think you can tell me something like that and then think I'll turn and walk away from you." His eyes scanned your face, took in the bruises, the cuts. "No, I'll kill him."

He pulled you into his arms. Tilted your chin back again and lowered his head. His lips a breath away from yours, he whispered, "Finally, I get to kiss you."

His mouth lowered to yours then and closed the small gap between the two of you.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Hook's mouth was on yours and oh, was it glorious.

"Mmm," you moaned into his mouth and kissed him back. You couldn't help yourself. His lips moved against yours and his tongue slid past your lips, plundering your mouth. Your legs threatened to buckle again and Hook pulled you even closer against his chest to keep you upright.

"Pack some stuff," he murmured into your mouth. "We're getting out of here."

"I'm scared," you whispered. "If something happens to Sienna, or you…"

"I won't let anything happen to either of you. I swear," Hook reassured you, kissing you again. "Now, go pack. I'll pack the baby's stuff."

You nodded, still in a daze that Hook was standing in the middle of your house. "There's some suitcases in the hall closet." You led him over to the closet and grabbed the small suitcase for Sienna, and handed it to Hook. The larger one you took for yourself. As Hook went back to the nursery to pack for Sienna, you headed to your bedroom and began filling the suitcase with some clothes and toiletries.

A few minutes of packing passed, and then you heard the click of the bedroom door closing.

And another click.

The lock.

Afraid of what you'd see, you slowly turned and saw Derek blocking the door.

"Who is the kid in the nursery," he asked quietly, sauntering toward you. "Who is he? You've been cheating on me with a kid?" He glanced over his shoulder as if he was afraid Hook would hear him. "One scream and you are dead."

"He's… He is not a kid. And I have not been cheating on you." You said, backing up till your back hit the wall. You had nowhere to go.

Derek was close to you now, close enough to reach out and wrap his hands around your throat. Which he did. "How dare you disrespect me!"

He squeezed, choking off your air supply. You struggled, and tried to pry his hands off your throat.

"You're so dead. And so is the little brat."

This had you struggling even more.

Faintly, you heard Hook's voice behind the bedroom door.

"Baby, open the door!"

"Baby, open the door," Derek mocked as he choked you to death.

You took that moment to drive your knee up into Derek's crotch. He let out a weird groan and released you as you knew he would and you stumbled toward the door. Just as you were about to touch the lock a hand reached out and grabbed hold of your hair, yanking you back toward Derek.

The door then busted open with Hook charging into the room.

Frightened for Hook but relieved at the same time, you heard a sharp click and then felt three rapid jabs to your stomach.

"Oh!" You cried out softly at the delayed pain.

"Y/N? Baby?" Hook said, a question in his tone. His eyes were on Derek's hand at your stomach.

You looked down as well, and saw Derek's hand slowly, painfully so, twist a knife into your stomach.

"Oh," you cried again, "Oh, God… I…" You started to fall and that is when Hook came out of his horrified stupor. At first he didn't seem to know what to do. Attack Derek, or come to your aid. It didn't take but a second for him to dive to your side on the floor. At the same moment, Derek ran out the bedroom door. You were only faintly aware of what was going on around you. But you were keenly aware of Hook's arms going around you and tugging you partially into his lap. You groaned in pain and clenched your eyes shut.

"Baby, stay with me," Hook demanded, pulling out his phone.

You reached for the knife still stuck in your stomach, attempted to pull it out.

"No, sweetheart, leave it. You could bleed out if you pull it out." Hook moved your hand to rest by your side and proceeded to make a call on his phone.

"Yes, I need an ambulance and the police."

He rattled off the address and gave the reason for the call and then tossed the phone to the floor. His attention was fully on you. Blood had soaked into his hoodie and jeans but he paid it no mind at all.

"Hang on, Y/N. The ambulance is coming."

You gazed up at him through tears. You could feel yourself weakening. "I-I'm sorry, I…"

"Shhh-shhh," Hook shushed you gently, and checked your pulse.

Not good, he thought.

"I have no family…" You whispered now, growing more and more tired. "Pl-please, take care of Sienna…"

"Honey, I'll take care of her till you're well. But then you are going to raise her. You're going to be there to be her mom."

"I love you…"

"Stop it, Y/N. Tell me when you are well. Not when you're scaring the life out of me."

A tear spilled over your eye and trailed down your temple. "I love you, Hook," you whispered before succumbing to unconsciousness…

If you want on my tag list, just ask! 😃

Tagging:

@oreillystolemyheart @lookalivesunshine-x @shortyiceheart @vebner37 @claymorexpunisher @kalliravenne @swamptrashwithasideofsass @beardedbarba @emisrose @sweetpea-1970 @sassymox @pikapuff-316 @heavymetalgirl420 @bigpsychicbagelauthor @darktammy @waywardwrestlewritingwaif @sultryfandoms @blondekel77 @demonqueen29 @amariemoore @letsgivethisonemoreshot @thelastemzy @springgirlwaiting4fall @vampirepixi @wwenhlimagines @louisianalady @swthrt890 @librathepheonix13 @justanerdwholikestoread @kiwiedge @ironshamelessyouth @1234ilikecowsthanyoumore @moonwolfdemonprincess21 @moxkindagirl @jstarr86 @oliviasinematic @southerngirl41 @claymoresofinfamy23

[akihatohnoofficial]

r/akihaowners

A place for questions and conversations about owning and caring for your Akiha. For photos and videos, check out r/akihas.

14.7k masters | 19 online | Top 5% ranked by size

Posts sorted by hot

===

Topic: [Adopting] Where to Boy Akihas

u/throwaway5318008 posted 3 hours ago:

Hey guys i'm looking to buy an Akiha, but i'm a college student so i don't have a lot of money right now. how cheap can i get one for?

EDIT: BUY I MEANT BUY. FUCK I CAN'T CHANGE THE TITLE.

u/charzardass replied 2 hours ago:

Fellow boy-Akiha enjoyer detected ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) A man of culture, I see.

If you want one for cheap and don't mind buying used, check your local Facebook marketplace or Craigslist. I've been lucky enough to get several for under $50 ea. Happy hunting!

u/pm-me-akiha-titties replied 3 hours ago:

If you're a college student, the cost of buying an Akiha isn't your biggest concern. You'll need to pay for routine veterinary care, clothing, a cane (many cheap Akihas won't be sold with a cane), enrichment (Akihas don't like being left alone! What are you going to do when you're in classes?), and, of course, food? The Akiha Care Guide provides an estimate of monthly expenses for Akiha raising.

| u/throwaway5318008 (OP) replied 2 hours ago:

| Yeah i live in a dorm but its a single so i dont have roommates. And i was thinking she could just hang out in my apartment while im in class? And i can bring back food from the dining hall. So i dont think she really needs clothes or whatever if shes in my room the whole time.

|| u/knightyknight replied 1 hour ago:

|| yeah OP you can ignore that simp. some people love to spoil and coddle their akihas and then warn eeeeeeveryone how expensive they are. well of course they're expensive if you treat them like people.

|| anyways I have a buddy who's an akiha breeder so I get mine for dirt cheap. you can always try to find a breeder in your area and offer to buy the dams off them once they stop being fertile -- they'll usually sell them for next to nothing to clear up space for the next young dams. ===

Topic: [Advice] How to make less noisy?

u/SmolTaterTot posted 7 hours ago:

Hi folks. I recently bought an Akiha, and I love him to pieces! The only problem is... I don't think I was prepared for how noisy they can be. Mine's always meowing and moaning and whining all day and night. I've read the FAQs, so I tried hitting him when he wakes me up in the middle of the night, but he hasn't stopped. Any advice?

u/himejooooooshi replied 5 hours ago:

UNGRATEFUL [huffy face][huffy face] being whiny and needy is an Akiha's charm point

u/ArrowToTheNiichan replied 7 hours ago:

You done goofed. You clearly aren't giving him enough attention since he's crying all the time, so hitting him (i.e. giving him attention) when he wakes you up is just encouraging the behavior. Go back and RTFM again, specifically the part about behavioral conditioning.

But it's true that Akihas tend to be pretty loud no matter what. Some vets can remove the vocal cords for you if it really bothers you that much, but insurance won't cover it. Good luck.

===

Topic: TIFU by getting a "friendly" pair of akihas

u/sirtwixalot posted 12 hours ago:

I read that akihas need attention and get lonely easily, but they can also be intimidated by unfamiliar akihas, so I decided to buy a pair of akihas from the same breeder so that they could keep each other company.

I got them Friday afternoon, and they spent Saturday and Sunday grooming each other and wrestling together. One of them calls the other "nee-san," and the other calls the first one her "puppy." So they seemed to be getting along really well. I wasn't even having the problems with them refusing to bathe or eat that I hear sometimes happens with akihas. So I thought they seemed like really good companions for each other.

Then on Monday.... I went to work and left them at the house.

When I came back... I think I'd be banned if I described what I saw.

Imagine if a jar of mayo exploded all over a bed.

Sooooooo TIFU.

u/himejooooooshi replied 9 hours ago:

No problem detected... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

u/SmolTaterTot replied 10 hours ago:

DUDE

u/ArrowToTheNiichan replied 11 hours ago:

Does no one actually read the FAQs before they buy one of these things anymore?

u/charzardass replied 11 hours ago:

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

===

Topic: [Advice] How to beat an Akiha in a one-on-one basketball game?

u/Point_Me_@_The_Sky posted 2 hours ago:

[marcelinesghost13]

Hi Blog,

So a lot of things have happened in the last couple days. So I figure this would be a good time to get this she shit out of my head.

Let's start off with wife okay... So she is doing her normal negative hot and cold BS like always when she text me.. but today she asked me to give her a call. So I called her and asked wants up. She said that her lawyer called her and told her that the cop she filed a report with Putin a false report to get her in trouble. That's why the DA is going after my wife and the doing have and real evidence to charge her with anything. So here's the kicker she wants me to give her $1000 for the lawyer can try the case for her. I told her I'll figure out away to get her the money. She needs a good lawyer that way he can turn around and sue the city for lying about what happened.

So there's a person I've been talking to on one of my social media accounts. They are very nice and kind to me. Plus I'm actually attracted to them... Which I wasn't expecting. I really do like talking to them a lot about different things. Then also make me laugh a lot. The part that sucks is IDK if I'm ready for new relationship now. Yet there's something that pulls me to them and I understand why. I keep telling myself it's best I'm alone right now for I can figure out me. Then again it could be my hormones just being crazy and fucking with me. Well in any case I feel so hot for them it drives me crazy sometimes. I totally understand and know we'll never be together ever and over time they will just fade away maybe.

Okay as for other stuff going on... Couple days ago I showed up at work was full on girl makeup and posted a photo on Tumblr and Facebook. I made a lot of the guys very nervous and uncomfortable. To the point where one of my Sergeants had to talk to me about what was going on. He didn't know I was a trans girl. The needless to say the conversation was a bit awkward for him. But after I explained everything he was okay. Also I got a haircut well more like a trim . I asked a hairstylist to give me something more girl like but she didn't really understand me so all I got was the trim. I can totally feel like the missing hair. I know that sounds silly and crazy but it's totally true. There's days that drives me fucking crazy then there's like two inches missing and I know it. It'll grow back and I'll get used to it I'm just not there yet.

What else happened to me I bought my first sports bra. I'm very proud of myself for doing the research and figuring out what size I am because after all I do have breath..... and I'm not talking about man boobs. My doctor actually did a test to see if they were just like I said man boobs or if they were actual breasts and yeah they really are. She told me that I should have been wearing a bra since puberty. I did not even know that. So I went out and I got me a sports bra. And I actually like it. It feels more natural to me to have something like that on. I like the material I like the feel of it. I like the fact that it holds my girls in place. I've told my Queens about what I did... Some of them want me to start getting like other types of bras but my oldest sister she's like just stick with the sports bra you're just way too active. And I'm going to have to agree with her about that. I did try a couple other bras on which element and I do not like the feel of them. I'm just way too much of a tomboy to wear some of those other types of bras.

Then yesterday I went to the eye doctor and haven't been there in a couple. She years. The eye doctor said that my eyes are actually getting better and that I should start taking a special kind of vitamins to help my eyesight. I told her okay I will definitely do that. After the appointment is over I got some contacts which are so nice and comfortable... I so totally missed having contacts. Also got a pair of very girly cat looking glasses I absolutely love what they look like and once I get them I will be definitely taking a photo.

As far as day goes I get to meet my new counselor for the very first time I am so beyond nervous to meet her. I don't know how it's going to go I don't know which is going to want to talk about I just don't know and I'm so scared. I'm sure everything will be okay and I'm probably totally overthinking. The only thing I hope I don't do is cry. So after that is said and done I will probably write a blog about it.... I definitely know I'll write a blog about it. That would be everything that has happened in the last couple days. I've done so many different first this week. Just one more baby step after another baby step. I know at some point I will eventually get to my goal.

180920240802

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

The other day I wanted to show someone a photo of something on my camera. This involved clicking through a LOT of pics.

On seeing some of my sculpted faces… “What do you DO with them?” Well, I sculpt them like doodles, take pics to post on Tumblr (and have a record if they break) during breakfast, and then wrap them in tissue before throwing them into a storage container. When the storage container is full I start another, but they never come out again….

I mean, what could I do? Little faces sculpted with little care, no work space or money to buy materials for casting or adding them to anything, and too fragile for a lot of handling.

I sculpt them because my fingers need to sculpt. I sculpt because it’s a quick and easy way to have made something at the end of the day. I sculpt to hold the hollowness of my existence at bay. The act of sculpting and having sculpted is all that matters. Turning them, reducing them really, into a product never crosses my mind!

On seeing my photos of the woods… “You need to make Tik Tok videos of them! People make a LOT of money on there and your photos are so good!”

Well, first, most people on Tik Tok probably don’t make any money at all. And the ones that get rich are the equivalent of community theater actors becoming movie stars. They are rare.

Secondly, TikTok means videos. I don’t even make video things I want to record (ex. those otters chatting and playing) because my very old tech is so rickety and out of memory. I can’t fit a video on my computer, and I can’t edit it. Plus my internet is so poor I doubt I can upload videos if I wanted to.

Thirdly, as far as I can tell without being on TikTok, it involves a lot of people filming themselves. I can NOT put my ugly face and hideous voice online as it might be considered a crime against humanity!

Look, there isn’t enough me for MORE social media. Just posting on Tumblr is getting to be almost too much for me. It has been YEARS since I posted on Facebook (hate it! That place does my brain in). I keep meaning to do something with my Ko-Fi, but I can’t even get around to adding more pics. I’d never have the time or energy for TikTok!

I get it though. I have heard it before. Someone once said there was “No excuse” for someone so “talented” (HA! That’s a joke!) not making money. They think it’s just a matter of throwing things out there and the world will flock to you.

It isn’t like that. Even if I were as talented as they assume, it would take at the very least a huge investment of time and energy I don’t have. I got soooo envious of a sculptor at a comic con who told me how her husband takes care of the business so she can make art. Not everyone has someone to help them. Mostly though, success is simply a matter of luck!

But there people go, letting you know that anything you do that doesn’t make money is a waste. It’s proof you aren’t trying hard enough.

There are people creating masterpieces out there that will die in poverty, but their making things is NOT a waste of time! It’s not a waste of time to make things that make you happy, even if you never make a damn penny! If your life is better for it, that’s enough!

And here I am, working my ass off to survive, living in isolation and wearing myself away, even cutting back on my own food to save money (grocery shopping once a month now…oh, joy!), and yet I am made to feel guilty for spending a couple hours at night sculpting or taking pictures during my increasingly rare and short walks in the woods. How dare I make myself smile instead of falling down dead chasing hypothetical dollars???

I’m barely sculpting anymore. I’m struggling to get to the woods at all. I’m so worn out I’m having trouble even finding these things fun anymore, and now I’m supposed to add guilt and shame because I’m not making a profit?

It’s like if you live in a desert but have a spring on your property. The stream is drying out, but you need it to survive. And someone rolls up saying, “Hey! You need food, so why haven’t you sold your water rights?? I’m being helpful here, but you just aren’t trying!”

People always assume I’m sitting on a gold mine I’m just too lazy or stupid to exploit. It makes me angry. And tired.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for trying to get my disabled coworker fired?

I know it sounds bad which is exactly why I’m asking. Please give it a read-through before voting though.

I (18M) work a food service job. One of my coworkers, L (20sF), is deaf, which can make working with her harder than other coworkers. I don’t mind this, and have taught myself some ASL to communicate with her when phones aren’t available.

However, in my half a year of working here, I’ve noticed that she has bad habits compared to every other coworker I have. For example, L comes in late nearly every day. I wouldn’t mind it if it was only by a few minutes, but she regularly comes in over 20 minutes late, and on occasion, being over 40 minutes late. Being the only other person who works mornings in my position, this makes my job harder because I have no clue when I’ll have someone to help me. It’s especially bad during morning rushes, in which I have to do almost everything by myself.

She regularly lies in order to get off as well. At one point, she told everyone in the store she was sick. We let her go for the day, but 30 minutes after she left, she posted about going to a party on her Facebook account. There are other incidents, but this is one of the clearer ones.

There have also been incidents in which she messes up food. Bad. At one point, she poisoned a customer by putting something they were allergic to in their order. It wasn’t even a thing that normally came on the food, so I couldn’t chalk it up to a really unfortunate mistake.

When L does prep work, her stuff usually turns out super poorly as well. With the dough she makes, it’s always so thin that someone has to go back and add flour to it. With the in house sweet cream we make, it’s always unmixed at the bottom. And just a few days ago, the chicken salad she made turned out fucking pink. A coworker got sick giving it the benefit of the doubt and trying some.

L’s also, frankly, really unpleasant to be around. She’s incredibly bossy, which is rich for how lazy she can be. If you’re around her when there’s nothing going on, you’ll hearing about all of her personal drama. Complete with private messages between her and her boyfriend of the week, messages with her doctor with way to much detail about her sex life, and at one point, photos of a dead dog she had run over that morning. All completely unprompted.

She’s also been hitting on me and another coworker recently. I have repeatedly stated I have no interest in romance in general, and the other coworker is taken.

L continues to do these things, despite everyone telling her otherwise. Even when the manager or boss get onto her, she’ll only change for a bit and then go back to her old habits.

The reason I’m asking if I’d be the asshole is because I know it’s hard to get a job while disabled in this country. And L’s been at this job for 3 years somehow. I know that doesn’t excuse a lot of things, but I still have trouble knowing that someone could be going without money they need.

There’s so much more I could get into here, but I already fear that this is too much.

So TLDR: I’m considering pushing for my deaf coworker to get fired because she regularly shows up really late, endangers customers, and makes everyone uncomfortable.

What are these acronyms?

[worldheadcanons]

☆ miscellaneous stalker au canada headcanons!

starring. . . gender neutral reader and canada. warning for stalking (in general), general violence/murder mentioned, + nsfw in the last four headcanons.

author notes; live laugh love this little freak. he’s literally wild about reader and i ADORE that about him. he’s the type of guy to go “me and my partner don’t argue they bash my head in with a rock and i walk it off like a man.” he’s crazy.

matthew williams!

— matthew spends about an hour every day scrolling on his favorite shopping sites in search of things he thinks you’d like. he’s a smart shopper, if nothing else. he seems to know every secret coupon in the world. he really enjoys buying you cute clothing and trinkets he finds online. plushes, slippers, new satin pajama sets, sexy underwear, cat themed mugs, kitchen supplies to replace your old ones— god, not to mention the glorious food he delivers! it’s never more food than you need. it’s just enough so that you can eat your fill and still have a bit extra for later. it’s like having a sugar daddy, honestly. you occasionally feel bad for him and try to convince him to stop spending so much money on you, but williams manages to dismisse your concerns with ease. he lives and loves to serve you, he says. 

— if you identify with one of the binary genders then he’ll eventually start calling you a ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ over the phone. it’s not something he’s stubborn about, so if you ask him to stop he will. it’s nothing really sexual as he mostly uses the pet name to tease you, enjoying the way you roll your eyes or huff at his words. matthew never dishes out something he can’t take, so you deciding to mirror him isn’t an issue. in fact, he takes pleasure in it, grinning to himself in the bushes of your front yard. you’ll tell him to be a ‘good boy’ and turn himself in to the cops and he’ll simply laugh into the phone. “y/n,” he’d coo, “i can’t turn myself in. you know you’d miss your good boy too much if i went to jail.”

— he’ll occasionally show up at your place of work depending on whether or not your job deals with the public. if you’re something like a fast food worker or a cashier, then you’ll definitely be seeing him from time to time. he’s clever enough to not let you hear his voice off the phone. he’ll either avoid speaking entirely or put on a completely different voice to the best of his ability. williams likely won’t even do anything related to your work, mostly sitting or standing around and pretending to be busy on his phone or, if he’s in a store, pretending to browse for something. he watches you, occasionally taking pictures when he can. when he gets home, matthew prints them out, adding them to a physical scrapbook of semi-blurry photos taken of you. pictures from your front yard.. from your back door.. in the store.. in the parking lot.. in your own bedroom…

— one day he actually sends you a text. when you block the first number, williams texts you again through a different one. the text message comes after he sees you going out the house with another person. he takes offense to the mere sight of you with someone else and it’s here where he starts to show his more violent side. it's a jarring wake up call for you. you couldn’t help but begin to think of him as someone different.. someone romantic instead of creepy. someone almost cute instead of murderous. how silly of you. you slid your phone into your pocket but his message continued to echoe softly in the back of your mind. ‘have fun tonight. if i catch their hands anywhere near you, they'll end up in your mailbox by morning ❤️’

— he stalks you on any and every open social media account you have. instagram, twitter (you tweet the strangest things, matthew loves giggling at your musings), tiktok, tumblr, facebook— hell, he’d look through myspace if he had to. whenever he’s bored at work he starts browsing through everything he can. he just wants to feel connected to you. it’s not enough to have a small picture of you taped to the inside of his briefcase. besides, williams wants to stay updated on your life and scrolling through your social media definitely helps with that. 

— on the more sexual side of things, god does he love to masturbate. the mere sound of your voice is enough to make him hump into a pillow like a dog, whining and groaning softly to himself while still trying to seem present on the phone. not to mention the countless blurry pictures of you that are now covered in his cum. he doesn’t want to waste his clear shots of you, matthew would much rather keep those clean. he just wishes he could get his hands on you and show you how much of a degenerate you’ve made him into. it’s a real shame you don’t get to hear the way he groans your name as he cums all over the place. it’s always a messy finish with him, even though he finds the clean up process to be embarrassing. williams never learns his lesson.

— just let him into your house, just once, and he can make your dreams come true. he wouldn’t mind being dominant or submissive, most of the time he just wants to see you get off. he’s the type to kiss the ground you walk on and then fuck you like an animal all in the same night. matthew would be rough with you but still clearly worship you and your body. williams adores giving and receiving praise during sex. he dreams of the day you’ll tell him he’s doing a good job, really, it would mean everything to him to hear that he’s pleasing you. in return, he’d coo into your ear that you’re the only one in the world for him. the only one he’d ever want or need. every inch of your skin would be covered in gentle kisses after he fucks you. he’s a god at aftercare and would make sure you feel like royalty before even thinking of settling into bed beside you. 

— he really wants to see you covered in his cum one day soon. positioning doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to see you completely wrecked. williams wants to see your legs shake and your tight little hole quiver. he wants to see you beg for more even though you’re so fucked out already. god, the things you do to him. you’ve made him into such a sick man.

— matthew enjoys giving and receiving oral sex. he’s great at it and even if you’re not the best he would help you get better. he’d have you cum into his mouth over and over until you’re twitching with ecstasy and he’d never even lift a finger. all williams needs is his mouth. his eyes would look up at you with a mischievous glimmer, almost as if he was wordlessly teasing you for enjoying this so much.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm morbidly fascinated by those "quotes" blogs. Whenever one of them makes it onto my dash I often compulsively hate-scroll through it for a couple of minutes, and I almost always find that while *some* of the blog is made up of vetted aphorisms and statements by identifiable people, a LOT of it is always some sort of extremely clumsy platitude attributed to "Unknown", as if it's a piece of ancient folk wisdom--but on closer inspection it's barely meaningful, like the one above. What does that say, "things that are hard to do are hard when you do them"? Yes, it is literally true that difficult doesn't mean impossible, is that really useful to point out? I would even get this more if the quote were something like "Impossible only means difficult"; there ya go, there's a little chicken soup for the teenage soul type of mindbender for ya. But what we have instead is just a definition of difficulty with a list of tags longer than the two sentences themselves. Thanks a lot, real inspiring. And then some of the quotes laid at the feet of poor old Unknown are just something like, "All I need is a cup of coffee, my favorite sweater, and a dog-eared book on a rainy day," and you're like Is this really a quote? Is the idea of "quotes" still worth something if we just mean "anything that could potentially come out of someone's mouth"? If you gave any of the people who run these blogs a copy of Bartlett's it would probably blow their brains out of their minds.

So because I get obsessed with things I don't understand, I start thinking about who it is that cooks these things up. There's someone, somewhere sitting at their computer trying to think of "deep" things to say, things that fit a certain tone and pattern that targets "your loneliest elderly relative on Facebook", and then they just write them down and slap "Unknown" on the end like it's some kind of profound secret that the reader is fortunate to stumble upon. To me, some of the results are just word salad. Like I think I know how this one is going to end, but then:

Ignoring the stray hyphen...my "pure soul"? I guess this is one way of saying "it's what's inside that counts", but seriously, what the fuck. What the hell are you talking about. But I have enough self-doubt in my constitution to wonder if I just don't get something here; I start to have a waking nightmare that this is actually an unattributed verse from Rumi or some shit that I'm just too primitive to recognize or understand. So I go Google this, and of course I find 15 or so versions of this:

And I'm back to trying to envision the culprit sitting at their computer trying to figure out how to sound like the oracle at Delphi real quick before their lunch break is over. What motivates someone to do this? Do they think they're going to get a book deal out of it? A lot of people will just do anything for attention; years ago I saw a post with this dry, formal caption about the domestic abuse incidents that led up to the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson along with regular pictures of her with VERY poorly photoshopped injuries. It was like...dude that is all a matter of public record, with real photos already in circulation, WHY ARE YOU FAKING THIS?? Maybe I'm just too much of an alien to understand why anyone does anything at all. But anyway, if this is too much negativity for you before 8am, try this version on for size, and have a terrific day.

[ashtonsunshine]

hey carmo!! i'm wondering if i can ask you maybe a couple questions/for advice as someone who's on other social medias than just tumblr? (to which i have to say 1) you're so pretty omg and 2) congrats on ashton retweeting you and liking your poster) i've been off basically all my other socials for about a year now and i'm realising i'm much more able to be myself on here without the expectations of all the people i still have on my socials from school and uni and every part of my life, and showing this side of myself on say, instagram, is kinda terrifying me, but at the same time it's important to me to push through this and get to the point i can be more genuine on there, i know it'll feel good when whoever still follows me knows a version of me that isn't as fake and highly masking as i've been for most of my life.

kinda pressuring myself on this rn too because i've gone and made a parody of red line that's about protesting genocide and i know if i post it there's a nonzero chance ashton will see it and if he sees it he will absolutely love it but i've never posted any of my music online before and i've also never sung anything in public either. and these are just things that are scary but i can get through them, but in the meantime i did want to ask, how do you do it, how do you decide what to post on there vs here, etc, if you're willing to answer at all? anyway thank you so much <3

Hello! 😊

Thank you so much! That's very nice of you. 💛

I've been on Tumblr for so long now and I'm pretty sure that people on here who follow me from the beginning can attest to the fact that I'm not the same person I was back then. I've grown a lot here. More confident. More outwards. More free. More unashamedly me.

Back then, there were no relatives on my Instagram, which made it easy for me to just do whatever I wanted. I've always been very careful in keeping family away from me online (hence Tumblr) because, as you said, expectations. That's why my Facebook is dead. All of them are on there. I was never afraid of my friends or uni colleagues. At 23, I had stopped caring in a way. I just wanted to be me, but it still didn't come naturally. I was still in my shell and afraid of what people would think, but I kept posting photos I liked that I wasn't ashamed of.

However, as the years went by, relatives started migrating onto Instagram, and I couldn't just block them (I mean, I could, but, ya know, interrogation would follow), so I just let it happen. I did block them from seeing my stories, though, so I still have some total relative-free freedom on there. Now they comment on my pics online and irl and they just accept it. What are they going to do? Tell a (almost) 30 year old woman what to do? I don't think so. I'd tell them to fuck off. They know not to mess with me anymore. 🤣

I personally always used social media for the things and people I like, and not to please anyone but me. I created and upkept my own bubbly, happy and genuine bubble, and I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm still very awkward in person, though, but I'm embracing looking stupid and silly in order to be able to move on with my life. It's not easy, but we roll anyways. 😎

My point is: it takes time and a it's a constant effort. You don't need to go all out, just bit by bit. You'll reach a point where you don't care anymore. And if someone has anything unpleasant to say about you or what you like, then bye bye! You don't need them in your life. You said "whoever still follows me", and that's exactly it. Those who don't mind your quirks and genuinely like you will stay, and that's all that matters. Hell, they might even encourage you further! 😊

When it comes to what I post here vs anywhere else, it's simple. I have different standards for each. Tumblr is for fandom and for me to be silly and fun and weird and insanely unfiltered. Instagram is for me irl, so it's more curated (my photos, my art, be it 5SOS or not). And Twitter is for...., honestly, I don't know. The reason I still have Twitter is because Ashton follows me on there, so I have a higher chance of him seeing my stuff. My Twitter page is very quiet. My feed is basically updates from artists I like. I don't do the social on there because I've always been scared of Twitter fandom, ngl. 😅

I only started posting my art on Instagram and Twitter because I wanted 5SOS to see it, and it has paid off on various occasions, which made me very happy. So there is a chance he will see your song, but you have to tag him in it. That's what I do. That's how he saw my StyH poster.

My advice to you, and for anyone who's reading this, is to be yourself, and I don't mean that in a magical oh just be yourself kinda way. I mean it as be genuine in what you post, wherever and whatever it might be. Masking or not masking. If you post something you truly like and that you are truly fully comfortable with, then there's nothing to fear. If people leave, then they leave. It doesn't need to be grandiose. It can be something little for a start. A photo that you absolutely adore but think that people will find weird, for example.

For me, I've learnt over the years to just be. I'm living my life, and I'm not ashamed of what I like. I'm insignificant, so I'm just gonna exist my own way. I don't care anymore. If people think I'm crazy for liking a band so much, so be it. I'm not hurting anyone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I kinda ramble a bit, but I hope it was helpful. 😚