#a mentally well person would’ve just deleted this anon

[hxhhasmysoul]

bro get over ur 'performative feminism' idiocy 🙄 personally, i think half of ur analyses r shit but i can still find valuable or at least respectable commentary in them, just like i can find valuable or respectable commentary from those 'performative feminists.' as i should. bc thats how critique and discourse needs to be approached. just bc u can write a rant and do research doesnt mean ur arguments will be worth anything. and theyre prob not worth anything if u cant even respect the ppl ur addressing

I have to tell you, I’m fucking fascinated by this. There’s just so much here.

This will be an honest attempt at interpreting this, a long and at times quite serious reply to your rather unserious anon. 

What is the point of sending this, anon? When I get anons like this, I can’t help but muse what prompts their authors. 

1. I mean the least charitable interpretation would be that you want to insult me but in a way that to you subjectively upholds the pretence of respectability or intellectualism? 

2. Or maybe your goal is to actually encourage me to change my behaviour?  

3. Maybe you want to educate me on the proper way to do fandom “discourse”? Or on the merits of the philosophy you present here?

Any of those? None? All of the above a little bit? 

______________

If option 1 was your sole objective, I’d say it works only as an insult. The tone of your ask is all over the place and it doesn’t really match its content. If I were writing this, I wouldn’t have called my analyses “shit” and the “performative feminism” “idiocy” while chastising me for lack of respect for the opinions of others. I don’t mind you matching my lowbrow energy and tone, it’s just that in my opinion you contradict your point by going down to my level.

Maybe something closer to this:

“(...)the phrase ‘performative feminism’ doesn’t have a place in proper critique or discourse(...)”

“(...)I find half of you analyses poor quality, unwarranted or downright wrong(...)”

______________

If you were aiming for 2 exclusively then, alas, shaming and condescension doesn’t work on me at all, for personal reasons. 

______________

Third option is the one actually fascinating to me. You’re not the first person here that would be trying to lecture me on how there is a right approach to fandom “discourse”, namely your way. But you know, why not. I too hold very strong beliefs.

There are two issues with this working, though.

1. I don’t find your argument internally coherent. I will try to interpret what you’re saying, to show you how I understand it. Which may be completely contrary to what you were trying to say.

2. If my reading of what you’re trying to say is close to your intentions, I sense that we’re not really close ideologically and we don’t share values. 

1. 

The way I understand your last sentence is that according to you an opinion loses its value by default if it doesn’t meet some respectability standards. 

Yet a few sentences up you claim that you manage to find some “valuable or at least respectable commentary” in my rants, I’m not 100% sure which rants do you mean exactly here. All of them? Or just those that are “shit”? How can you find value in something that you seem to consider to be by default void of value? 

I’ll be real, idk what “respectable commentary” could possibly be, but if I show no respect to the people I address, then how could my commentary be respectable. 

This confusion is also amplified by the mismatch of tone and message. Because according to the rules you laid out I should disregard what you’re saying completely, because how can your arguments be worth anything if you aren’t showing respect to me. 

2. 

And here we come to the clash of values. 

The way I understand yours, is that you subject yourself to fandom takes that you find low quality or wrong because that’s the right thing to do. That according to you we should all strive to find something positive in all sides of an issue. 

It reminds me of the centrist political “both-sidedism” almost turned into an art form. And centrism irks me because I’m a nasty lefty, a social justice warrior. I’m very far from the so-called “centre”, which in real politics is usually just non extremist right wing ideology. I will use “leftism” as an umbrella term here for various ideas, both economic and social, including feminism. It's a very reductive approach but in this case I don’t think a distinction is needed. 

Social media platforms can have a heavy political slant, and fandom Tumblr on average slants left.

The problem is that in many cases it’s image building and not true understanding of the issues that comprise the political leaning. It’s using, but more often misusing buzzwords and appropriating language, sometimes in active attempts to render words or terms meaningless. All in the pursuit of maintaining the image of being “for the good things and against the bad things”. It’s a performance.

Performance that is self perpetuating because the people, who indulge in it, will pressure one another to express “correct opinions” on whatever is the hot topic of the hour. To always be available for outside scrutiny. Those people feel obliged to have public opinions, and have them fast.

Fandom and social media are a funny territory where petty arguments about characters or plot choices get mired in real world political topics and ideologies. While it is true that art is always political, political criticism usually can’t be nailed down in one catch phrase. And it definitely can’t be done without honestly engaging with the text and the context it exists in. 

In the JJK Tumblr tags you will find a shit ton of posts, no longer than a paragraph, usually no longer than a single sentence, that call Gege a misogynist, that say that “Gege hates women”. And they will usually use one argument for that, namely that female characters die in JJK. Or more recently, that they are irrelevant to the plot. Both these takes stem from bastardisation of academic discourse surrounding female characters in fiction. They are in bad faith, they show that the person reflexively regurgitating them has no desire to engage with the text seriously and probably doesn’t know where such considerations came from, or understand how they functioned in their original context. But sometimes you will see more dedicated clout-chasers, who try to write meta posts on the misogyny in JJK without having a basic understanding of feminism, just trying to string together popular hot takes. Just to show that they don’t “mindlessly” consume media, that they are not afraid to criticise it and its author, an all out a woman hater. Show it in the most vapid and thoughtless way possible. 

That’s why they are a performance. And this performance is to build the image of the op as a feminist, a "Tumblr good person". That’s why they use the trappings of feminist critique. That’s why I call it “performative feminism”. 

An important thing to understand about me is that I don’t treat leftism as a zero sum game. I believe that political movements, organisations, people and works of art, can be doing some leftist things right and some wrong. That perfection on this is impossible. But there are also non negotiable issues, issues that you can’t really do a bit right, because human dignity, safety and livelihood is at stake. For example I’m not interested in listening to people who will condone genocide, I don’t think I should try to find value in their arguments. But I also don’t find value in reactions to genocide that dehumanise and use genocidal language towards a different group, even if a subset of that group is committing genocide. For me genocide is a non negotiable issue. I don’t respect people who try to perform support for genocide victims by justifying genocide others. People who instead of donating to relief support, or promoting relief support and direct pressure on government, chase clout by shouting out their vile opinions under the guise of supporting the victims, regardless whether they understand their own bias or not. 

But you may say that I’m exaggerating, using a real life issue to illustrate my disagreement with your values, when maybe you were just limiting your philosophy to fiction. But my character flaw is that I’m very principled. Especially when it comes to my grander principles trickling down to more trivial stuff. 

I don’t think I should respect people who appropriate and misuse feminist language to chase social media clout. I don’t find any value in their behaviour. I find it actually harmful. It reinforces this trend in first world leftism that activism can be done by yelling the right buzzwords on social media. Especially the right buzzwords about popular media. That activism and social critique doesn’t require engaging with the ideas, interrogating their own preconceived notions. That it makes them a “good person” when they misuse academic language to shit on a work just because it’s popular, just because they want the clout of an intellectual who can see through the mainstream. While it’s painfully obvious that they have no idea what feminist critique academic or casual is, or what the words they abuse mean, or what modern feminism even entails. 

Can you see how funny it is? This idea that they can position themselves as above the mainstream, as the betters of those who enjoy mainstream, by reflexively regurgitating the most popular hot takes. And this lazy behaviour is purely voluntary because no one has to have an opinion on everything. It’s actually impossible to have an in-depth and well researched opinion on everything. So if you don’t have the time to do research, or to even properly familiarise yourself with the work you have the very valid choice not to. Have the choice not to parrot a hot take for the sole purpose of performing activism. You have the choice to just divert your attention elsewhere, towards things that you will engage with in good faith. 

Because this kind of bad faith approach can lead to darker things. Because you can actually make yourself believe that your behaviour isn’t just a vapid social media act, you can convince yourself that you’re on some moral high ground, that you’re actually fighting against evil.

If Gege is a misogynist, if they hate women, it means that they are actually vile, a bad person and it’s ok to use violent ideation while writing about them. This is normalising dehumanisation for clout points. Priming yourself for viewing people and situations like this.

Gege is kind of an abstract entity for these people, it feels harmless because, come on, they will never meet Gege. And obviously this is all hyperbole and they wouldn’t really get violent. 

I witnessed it in real time when a group of people in fandom decided that my friend was a bad person. Over trivial fandom shit. They dehumanised my friend amongst themselves and proceeded to attack my friend for months, until they left Tumblr. Attack them in racist, misogynist and queerphobic ways, while claiming it’s okay because my friend is an actual evil person, they are actually dangerous for existing in the fandom. And also their attacks are okay because they are PoC/queers/women and as members of these groups their behaviour can't be racist, queerphobic or misogynist by deafault…

You also misunderstand my actions towards those people. I’m not engaging in “discourse” with them. This is not academia, I’m not an academic. I’m pushing back against their behaviour. I’m expressing my distaste towards the groupthink. I’m not pretending to be respectable because I don’t think their behaviour deserves respect.  

This is the crux of our disagreement, anon, our values don’t align.

[laura1633]

I’m starting to think max becomes another person whenever he’s physically in pain (whenever he got cramps he won a race) It’s insane how he was driving with visual impairment and was able to win it. Even if he was carried by strategy, being able to drive a car like that is a feat within itself

But also with this knowledge I hope people just understands AD21 was done and ended. it happened and we can’t change it and it was not max’s fault at all. It would’ve happened if Max was in the same position as Lewis, it was just bad on the FIA part. It’s the knowledge that Max didn’t want to back down on the championship he knew he had chance to win even if he wasn’t physically well. For the sake of both sides of the fans I hope we can keep the peace but both the drivers have already moved on from both silverstone and ad21. All we can do is remember it and move forward.

I get what you mean anon. I think one of Max's many strengths is his mental strength and that seems to include being able to fight though physical pain and deliver under the most difficult of circumstances.

I won't get into 2021 because I will be on shaky ground!! I will say that if the roles were reversed then Lewis Hamilton would have grabbed that opportunity with both hands and taken it (I believe even Lewis himself has said this). Mercedes and their fans would have celebrated the victory and Red Bull would have protested. I will also say that Abu Dhabi was only one race in a long season.

After the 2021 season I deleted twitter, unfollowed a lot of F1 accounts on instagram and streamlined the content I view. It has made me a lot happier 😃

[alexhandersenblog]

„It’s the same principle. Because liking or dislike is simply a personal interpretation of what we think and feel about something even without knowing something/someone well or personally.“

Hi the anon from a few days ago here😉. I agree☝🏻. Alex could post a thousand happy smiley kissing pics with her, could say anything in public, she could say anything and you may follow them and enjoy all of it, but you still wouldn't know what was really going on behind closed doors🤫. Every post they do is intentional and posted to make YOU double tap. Instagram is fame, money and attention. Either you like what you see and hear online or you don’t but you‘ll never know them for real. Which is why I asked if it was ok to share my OPINION and our (me&friends) predictions after a year of following everything. Simple as that.

The anon calling me a hater: Spreading hate wasn’t my intention. I’m glad you’re enjoying Johanne and Alex together. For me her pretentious act on Instagram and the things she has done like lying and trolling ruined the experience of being a fan for Alex for me personally. It made me see Alex in a different way. He was always hiding his true colors and actions from his fans and now I see why. Even before Johanne was in the picture I felt a little irritated at his boyish behavior during fan conventions. It didn’t look genuine to me but more like acting. And reading several Danish interview in the recent years about how he feels about his fans, like „I feel nothing“. But then turns around and says completely different things at conventions to his fans who pay him a shit ton of money of course 😅 Him just saying something in English when he wanted money for something. And just the way he obviously spend every hour on Instagram over the years but told his fans maaaany times how much he hates social media and doesn’t even like using it. And lastly his interviews about how „self promotion is the most boring thing you can do on social media“ etc. it’s all just …meh.

Our main points were that he already made up his mind, but if he had really been madly and genuinely in love, he would’ve been completely different from the jump. The point was that he made a mental checklist of what he has to accomplish by a certain age and that his mom is a little pushy

I didn’t say he wasn’t an adult, although not having any serious adult relationships before this one isn’t too good.

Him saying he has to give it another month and he has to find a wife and he has to this and that is not great here. But ultimately it doesn’t matter because like I said, I believe it’s already a done deal and I believe he will be hurt in several years. My opinion.

And just to be clear : We have seen many examples of Johanne "push him", we have seen examples of her "manipulate" him and there are even screenshots that prove she is staging her posts on Instagram for likes and lying to his fans and deleting evidence. There are examples of her trolling his fans and just btw the endless posing in his clothes is a little psycho at this point. Looks like there are examples of her sucking up to „important“ people as I saw the other day on another blog.

This blog is just kind enough to let a few remaining fans express their opinions before leaving for good..

But I wish you much fun following them over the next years. Especially Johanne will offer you a lot of content that will appeal to you. ✌🏼. I believe Instagram and his fan accounts are free of criticism anyways. So just enjoy?

Anon to anon.

***

Especially the part about Alex… I’m having the same feeling about it tbh… bit sad but it is what it is i guess 🥲

Always welcome to share your opinion. I try my best to post it! ☺️

By the way, props to both of you for having two different opinions, but still being able to share your views in a respectful way 🥰

[tatestripedsweater]

Evan’s React: Plus Size Reader (Soft and Squishy as the anon worded it) - Requested

Warnings: Body Shaming, Mental Abuse

A/N: I am plus size myself so writing this did comfort me, but also I write the characters as they appear in the show so I don’t sugar coat it.. so these might not be the answers you wanted (mainly Kai’s) but there’s a warning for a reason. Any hateful comments will be deleted/blocked.

Tate would prefer a slimmer S/O just because he more so cared about what people thought, it not really being about hurting your feelings. He didn’t want his mother to bring up your weight if he ever brought you home to meet her (which eventually has to happen), so in that instance I think he’d gravitate towards someone slimmer but he wouldn’t say no to a plus size person.

Kit wouldn’t care about how much you weighed, he loved you for your heart and kindness. If anyone gave you any shit for your size then he would be the first person to put them in their place, I think the only thing Kit would worry about would be your health but at the end of the day you were happy and that’s all that mattered to him. He would definitely throw you onto the bed during sex, it didn’t matter how much you weighed for him to do that.

Pre-Death Kyle is a sweetheart, weight wasn’t an issue for him much like Kit. Kyle would be the type of guy to cuddle up to you and use your tummy as a pillow, he would even kiss your stomach and blow raspberries on it if you ever felt insecure or upset about your weight. We all know he’s a soft boy, so he would purposely buy oversized shirts for himself then he would let you wear them, so you could wear his shirts without you feeling insecure about your weight.

Post-Death/Franken-Kyle wouldn’t really understand why your weight even mattered, all he saw was you and his face would instantly light up like a Christmas tree. Much like what he was like before he died, he would cuddle up to your stomach but instead he would actually end up massaging your stomach with his hand and would call it ‘jelly’. It would’ve offended you if it was anyone but Kyle, but the way he grinned whenever he did it only made you smile. It was like a form of therapy for him.

Jimmy knew what it was like to be different and that people would pick on you due to your weight, so if anyone said anything then he would automatically get protective. Jimmy always told you how perfect you were to him and that you didn’t need to loose weight or change anything, and if you did then to do it because you wanted to and not to please other people.

We all know James has a very open mind, even though he’s from a questionable era he treats Liz with so much respect so having a plus size S/O wouldn’t even phase him. He would buy you the best clothes that bring out your curves, James wouldn’t take any slander about your body. If he heard someone made comments about you that were anything but kind, they would be dead within the next hour.

Rory wouldn’t mind if you were slim or plus size, he loved all bodies and even is the type of guy to hype you up on social media if you ever feel insecure. Rory would even call you his ‘jelly baby’ since he loves your squishy cuddles and would kiss you with every chance he got since he loved your chubby cheeks as well. The boy just adores you.

Back in Edward’s time having a fuller figure was seen as healthy and even showed that the person had wealth, so he wasn’t bothered by you being plus size and would most likely be proud of himself that he managed to get someone like you in his life. Edward would have painters come to create portraits of you so that he can show them off in his art gallery, not that anyone would see it as it was for his eyes only. He may also have had a risqué painting of you above his bed.

Kai would want a slimmer S/O but he wouldn’t say no to you just because of your weight, even though he would use it against you and any insecurities to bring you down. He would most likely be the type of guy to have you ride him to ‘loose weight’ as it’s a form of exercise in his mind, would even go as far as forcing you to eat healthy so you can be ‘perfect’ for your Divine Ruler.

I feel like Gallant would be into more of a bigger partner anyway since he saw them as strong and being able to dominate him since he’s such a sub, but if you ever did have those days of insecurity he would shut you down almost instantly and list everything he loved about you. Boy would even make a power point if he really had too.

Peter (Maximoff) is like Rory, he would hype you up and would tell you how beautiful you are everyday. He would also leave little love notes in your room and on the mirrors in your bathroom reminding you how gorgeous you are, he also loves that he has a snacking partner and would never judge you for what you ate since he could eat for an entire country anyway.

[maybege]

Hello Miss May! I hope this question won’t be too personal and if it is then I apologize and I don’t expect you to answer but will you ever talk about why you left? I only partially noticed all the drama but from what you keep saying it sounds like there was much more going on behind the scenes. I don’t know, you just don’t struck me as the type of person to leave because of a meme. 😕

Okay to be honest, I am not sure if this is the right thing to do but I do feel like this little community we have here is like a big friend group and I also understand that there was a lot of confusion and just ✨negative vibes✨ in the last few weeks in the fandom. So I will put everything under the cut and ask you to please heed the warnings. Also while I am posting this in the hope of being honest about my fandom experience, I don’t want to start any new drama, so please just leave it at that.

TW: suicide mention/death threats(??), also this is all about the drama that’s been going on so please do not read this if you know it affects your experience on here negatively!

I am not going to get into the nitty-gritty details of the “original drama” again because it’s exhausting and also because I don’t necessarily think that it’s needed for context. All you need to know is that there was some conflict around the stans of a fic. There was a lot of built up tension and frustration and there were several factors that suddenly happened all at once:

I saw posts claiming people send hate to themselves and that anon hate doesn’t count (in response to people speaking up about anon hate)

some of my friends had been getting harassed based on their age and personal lives

someone left hateful guest comments on several of my fics claiming I deleted BLM links in my comments and regularly misattributed posts that others had made to me (later presumably that same person returned to praise me for “taking the trash out herself”)

I received an ask telling me to go k*ll myself since I want people to stop reading the fic

This last point was the tipping point for me for obvious reasons. I want to emphasize that (luckily) I was never in a headspace where I even considered this or took it to heart. It was more of a “What the hell happened that I would let strangers talk to me like that?” moment and this was when I knew that the way I had been engaging with tumblr was not healthy for me anymore. You can say what you want about anon hate but the thought that a real human being literally wrote the words “k*ll yourself” to another human being is so incredibly sickening and I just didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.

Some other things happened even after I deleted my tumblr:

upon me turning off guest comments, on ao3 this “someone” (because I am convinced that it was the same person all along) left a comment from their real account

2 minutes later, presumably this same person requested a password reset on my ao3 account so as to scare me/make me believe someone was attempting to hack into my account which caused me to delete my Kofi

I am lucky enough that I have awesome friends who supported me emotionally and with great advice through this period of time. I truly do not know how I would’ve managed to go through it without them. ♥️

As you can see, I am back on here and I am fine and am working on building a healthier relationship with tumblr and finding ways to engage with fandom that work better for me. The hate I received did not have a lasting impact of my mental health but it definitely made me wearier of the fandom and tumblr as a whole. However, there are so many amazing people on here that I love to engage with (as well as new fandoms) and I refuse to let this keep me from making friends.

So yeah, that’s the whole story from my side.

Who wants a cupcake?

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Anon asked:

“One of my friends says she doesn't want to have children because she doesn't want to risk passing on her bipolar to them... one of my other friends also has mental illness and she thinks that's ableist and they're fighting... what do you think, is my bipolar friend ableist?”

(Sorry, I accidentally deleted the actual message, lol.)

I’m in the same boat as your first friend. I have bipolar disorder, and it runs heavily in my family on both sides. It also runs in my husband’s family. If I could go back, and somehow have a say, I don’t know that I would’ve chosen this life for myself. It’s rough. Even after diagnosis and medication, it’s rough.

I think it’s also worth noting that not everyone is well-suited to parenthood. It’s such a personal decision. I don’t really know if it’s appropriate for your second friend to comment on it at all, regardless of your first friend’s reasoning for not becoming a parent.

If you’re going to have a child, create a whole ‘nother human, who will have their own unique impact on the world - you have to be willing and able to guide them through any struggles or difficulties they might have. This is difficult for neurotypical, healthy, fully stable parents with “normal,” healthy children. And when you become a parent, you never know who your child will turn out to be. Many parents rise to the occasion. Even more do not, in my personal experience.

Also, does your bipolar friend even want children? Is her thinking, “Damn, I really really want to have kids, and think I’d be a great parent, but what if they turn out *gasp* bipolar??” 

That’s one thing, and may be rooted in some ableist ideology your friend might want to confront in herself. But even then, as someone with bipolar disorder, I don’t really see the problem. Your friend knows what it’s like to be bipolar and knows that it’s not something she’d wish on someone else. Is it ableist to know that your experience is not the same as someone else’s, and in fact might be “worse”? I don’t think so. I think that’s just self-awareness.

Ultimately, though, it’s nobody else’s business whether or not someone else has kids, or why.

[kodzuken-pie]

Hello ^^ do you think you can do a oneshot where the karasuni boys help Asahi get his crush’s favorite villager in Animal Crossing New Horizons? When he finally gives them the villager he just freezes and his crush goes “I’ll have to take you out on a date to thank you” or something like that, please and thank you! You can choose the villager but my fave is Merengue :)) If you don’t play/know the game though feel free to ignore this one!

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[ A/N : big upsetti cuz my draft got deleted so I had to redo the whole thing ;) Also if I did what I had originally planned it would have reached 5k words...Hope you like it shortcake anon! ]

Pairing: Asahi x reader

Warnings : none

Word count : 3262

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Meringue? Merengue.

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It was the weekend where the team planned to get away and get some rest and for something else. You would be spending the weekend with the entire volleyball team including Kiyoko, Yachi and y/n. All of you would be staying under one roof and although everyone either had their own room and is sharing the room with someone, you couldn’t help but get flustered over the fact that y/n was there with you guys. This weekend’s purpose was to throw y/n a party for their birthday and to find something to do or to give them.

All of you arrived there Friday night so you hadn’t expected to interact with them as much. Everyone was relaxing in the living room after putting their thing in their respective rooms.

“Wah! I’m hungry!” Sugawara complained, stretching his arms and legs.

“We don’t really have food here though.” Ennoshita sighed.

“Why don’t we go out and look around?” Nishinoya was still energetic.

“Alright then! Does anyone need to change or anything before we go?” Daichi said, standing up.

Everyone looked at each other and said they didn’t need to.  All of you went around the house to make sure nothing important was left behind. Daichi turned to everyone for last checks and then closed the door. The night air was cool and crisp, it was a bit welcoming due to the heat of the earlier weather.

“Asahi! Let’s walk together!” They say as they link their arm around yours.

“Oh. Ok.” You say and you instantly feel your heart beat faster.

“Shichigahama sure is pretty at night, don’t you think so?” They say cheerfully looking up at you.

“It sure does.” You smile back, nerves settling in.

All of a sudden Sugawara smacks your back making you turn to look at him, only to see him wink and give you a thumbs up. You turned your head so fast you swear it gave you whiplash. They laughed at the interaction which in turn made you laugh as well. 

The night went was filled with an adventure and you were thankful that Kiyoko was able to get y/n to come with you. You were able to get to spend time with them, learning new things here and there. At one point one of you had mentioned the game animal crossing. Both of you were ecstatic about the game that if you could, both of you would’ve talked all night about it.You actually almost did but you told them to get to bed when you noticed they were getting sleepy.

“Good night Asahi.” They said sweetly and quietly.

“G-good night y/n.” Your heart was a mess at this point.

You woke up the next morning with a new found sense of confidence. You had no idea where it came from but you were going to use this chance to get a bit more closer to your crush. They had told you the night before about their favorite villager in the game. You grab your switch and hunt down the team.

“Good morning Asahi!” Their bright voice startled you.

“Oh y/n morning! I didn’t think you’d be up already. You were pretty tired last night.” You say as you recompose yourself, hiding the console behind your back. “Uhm I’m going to look for Suga now.” You add sneaking away.

They curiously watched you walk backwards and shrug, going back to their room. You then went to look for the team all around the house and told them to gather in your room. A few minutes later, all of you were in your room and everyone was awaiting your question.

“So uh. I need your guys’ help.” You ask looking at your hands.

“With y/n right?” Sugawara went straight to the point.

“I mean it’s kind of obvious.” Daichi says.

“Oh? I’LL GLADLY HELP ASAHI-SAN” Hinata beamed.

“Oi BOKE! Keep your voice down or they’ll hear us!” Kageyama yelled at Hinata.

“Shh shh ok ok. So, uhm yeah.” You shush them. “So there is this game called animal crossing and I want to help them get their favorite character.” You add

“Oooh” Hinata was in awe.

“Their favorite character is merengue.” You say.

“Meringue?” Kageyama asked, tilting his head.

You take your phone out and look for the said character and show it to the boys.

“Oh. Merengue..” Kageyama seemed to take a mental note.

“So…. How do we get this character?” Ennoshita spoke up.

“There’s actually a few ways to do that but the easiest way is to get her amiibo card” You explain and they all listened with intent. “An amiibo card is essentially used to summon a certain character that you want.” you add.

“So then all we have to do is find merengue’s amiibo card?” Sugawara asked, putting his hand on his chin.

“Doesn’t that mean we would have to buy it?” Ennoshita asked.

“Ah yeah, we do have to buy it.” You say as you look down again.

They instantly knew what you were thinking. You knew that maybe you were being bothersome but you also just wanted to give something special to the person you like. The boys looked at each other and one by one they started to laugh. Startled, you look up and find the boys giving you a bright smile. Everyone teased you and made you smile, cheering for you.

“We have your back always Asahi-san!” Nishinoya beamed.

“T-thanks guys…” You let out a sigh and visibly relaxed.

“Now, we just have to look for that character's amino card, right?” Kageyama asked, typing on his phone.

“Found it.” Kinnoshita interjects, making everyone look at him. “What?” He says as he looks up from his phone.

“How did you find it so fast?” Narita asked, amazed.

“Oh well. I started looking around when Asahi-san said animal crossing amiibo card for merengue.” Kinnoshita answered while everybody looked at him in shock and amazement. “I found three sellers here in Shichigahama but it’s not a guarantee.” Kinnoshita adds.

“That’s a really good idea.” Daichi expectantly looked at Kinnoshita, feeling a little proud.

“Then that settles it! We’re going to go each and every seller and I’m hoping that they are different from each other!” You exclaimed. “If they are then I will buy them all!” You smiled widely.

You and the boys gather yourselves and make up an excuse to go out without the girls. The group split into three to make the search easier. The first group consisted of the third years including Kinnoshita, the second group consisted of the rest of the second years a.d the last group consisted of the first years. The first seller was the closest, it was also the location where the first years were sent.

*no luck here* Tsukishima texted you and you started to get nervous.

*Thanks Tsukishima!* You replied, staring anxiously at your phone.

The second location was a bit far but still close enough to the rented house to walk to. This was where the second years went. Your thoughts of hope went to them and you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

*Nothing here. Sorry Asahi-san* Ennoshita sent you the message and your heart tightened, losing hope.

*Thanks anyways!* You sent the reply quickly, brushing off the feeling of hopelessness.

You, Daichi, Sugawara and Kinnoshita were sitting in the bus on the way to the last seller. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you kept hoping and praying that this person had the amiibo card you needed. Your stop was getting closer and closer, which meant that the card was getting closer and closer to your possession.

“Ok so they said to meet them at the convenience store by the bus stop.” Kinnoshita announces as the four of you got out of the bus. 

“I see it, it's right there! We just need to cross the street.” Sugawara pointed at the store directly across the street. “Oh and I see someone waiting outside.” He added looking at the figure sitting on one of the chairs outside the store.

You squinted at the figure trying to make out their features but couldn’t. What you did notice was a big binder they had on the table and your heart started doing backflips. Nerves took over your entirety and you feel yourself shake, face turning pale.

“Asahi? What’s wrong? You don’t look so good.” Daichi asked as he turned to look at you, putting a hand on your shoulder. 

“Sorry, it’s just the other two groups didn’t have luck with getting the card and I'm just nervous. We had a purpose to go here and so far we haven’t had any luck.I just wanted to give them something I know they would really want for their birthday.” You let out a sigh and relax the shoulders, just noticing how tense they were.

“I have a good feeling about this one! Just look at how thick that binder is!” Kinnoshita said, trying to reassure you. “So why don’t we go and see what they have?” Kinnoshita smiles.

You look up and give everyone a small smile. Taking the lead you step forward and get ready to cross the street. As soon as you cross the street, you take a deep breath and try to relax even more. The group then started to walk towards the store and closer to the stranger. They were on their phone, earphones in. The four of you looked at each other and just stood there for a while. Daichi sighed and tapped on the stranger's shoulder. They turn around and smile.

“I’m guessing you guys are the one looking for merengue? My name’s Hina by the way!” they say with a small smile.

“Yes that would be us.” Daichi smiled politely at them.

“Not going to lie, I didn’t expect four guys to know about animal crossing.” Hina said suggestively. “But then again, it’s not highly unlikely.” They say softly.

“Oh well, I’m just trying to get her on my island.” You spoke up, putting your hand on the back of your head shyly looking at them.

They squinted at you but shrugged it off. They turn to grab the binder on the table, opening it to look for the card that you wanted. The four of you were impressed with the collection arranged alphabetically. 

“I have almost all of the cards, some of them I have two of. You guys are lucky that I have two of them.” Hina smirks, looking proud. “Ah! Here she is.” They grab the card out of the slot and hand it to you. “You better take good care of her!” They teased.

“T-thank you! I will take care of her.” You take the card and hold it, looking like it was a hidden treasure.

“So they seem special.” Hina commented, looking at you and they laughed. “You can have it, it seems really important to you and I know how that can be.” They smiled softly and looked up at the blue sky.

You looked at them and you were stunned. “W-wait! No! We have to pay you for this!” Taking your wallet out but they pushed it away.

“Take it and make sure to take care of your person.” Hina’s smile was gentle and soft. They took the binder and closed it. “Well! Good luck!” They said and turned around and walked away, leaving the four of you in shock. 

The group looked at each other and sighed in unison, followed by laughter. You all then turned to cross the street and waited for the next bus to come. You had messaged the rest of the team about the good news and they replied with cheers. Once your group had arrived at the bus stop, the other boys greeted you. All of you then proceeded to walk back and while doing so everyone was now talking about the surprise plan that all of you thought of. 

As soon as you walked inside, you rushed to your room to put the card in an envelope and hid it in the book that you got for them, another thing that they really wanted. You left your room afterwards and headed towards the living room, on your way there you passed by the little garden with the little fish pond. Y/N was sitting on the little bench humming a delightful tune and you felt your heart pound. You imagined them surrounded by two kids, you were by their side holding their hand as the kids were running around. They shifted in the seat and looked at you, smiling. This snapped you out of your thoughts, you waved at them and smiled back. They motioned for you to come over and so you did. Opening the sliding door, you took a deep breath in and relaxed your pounding heart. 

“Hey there Asahi.” They greeted you cheerfully as soon as you closed the door and turned to look at them and motioned for you to sit next to them. 

You smiled and took the invitation, sitting next to them. “How was your day?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.

“It’s been really good, it was for you guys to invite me to your trip.” They looked at you, looking content.

“I mean, you’re pretty much part of the team too. We all hang out a lot and it just wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t here, if you know what I mean.” You say, looking at the koi fish swimming around each other in the pond.

“Oh..” They said, almost a whisper. 

You didn’t notice the soft look they gave you until you felt them place their hand on top of yours. Your eyes widened and you whipped your head to look at them, face feeling hot. The look on their face made you melt internally. Their eyes seemed to be pulling you in, making you fall deeper than you already were, not even knowing that they felt the same. None of you notice the space between both of you was slowly closing in, lips almost meeting until Nishinoya opened the sliding door. The two of you jumped a little and pulled away from each other while Nishinoya apologized and quickly went back inside. The air was quiet until they giggled and you had to turn to look at them again. A small smile appeared on your face, you opened your mouth so speak but was interrupted by the alarm on your phone. You took your phone out of your pocket, the bright light blinding you for a moment. *ALARM 12 AM* Your eyebrows shot up and you had to look up from your phone and look around.

“Oh. I didn’t even realize how dark it had been.” You say out loud.

“Well I mean, the garden is well lit.” They say pointing at the hanging lights above you. 

You look up and got caught off guard by how pretty the lights looked. “Wow. So pretty, like y/n.” You whispered under you breath, momentarily forgetting that they were sitting next to you.

“What?” They spoke up after hearing what you said. “WHAT ASAHI” They said louder to get your attention.

You froze at the sound of their voice and you screamed internally. “What?” You say feigning innocence and you had an idea. “Uhm I’ll be right back. Stay here please.” You say immediately and get up to go to your room to grab the presents you got for them.

You went back to the garden fully expecting them to be gone but they were still there, patiently waiting for you. Going back out to the garden, you held your breath as you look at them. Eyes twinkling under the hanging lights, the expression on their face was what mad you want to run into their arms and kiss them but you resisted. You felt a wave of confidence and sat back down next to them.

“Here, this is for you. Happy birthday.” You say softly, handing them a box.

“Oh thank you. Is that why you had your alarm set for midnight?” They giggled as they took the box from you.

“Well. Actually, yeah.” You put a hand on the back of your neck and thought for a second.

“You know my birthday isn’t until tomorrow, right? They smiled.

“Yeah but, We wanted to celebrate today.” You smiled back.

They then looked at the box and began to open it. A smile crossed their face and your heart sped up. They turned the book to open and saw the happy birthday message you  wrote.

“Thank you Asahi, I love it.” They were still look at the book, slowly turning the pages.

“Turn to your favorite passage, you know the one you always told me about.” You intructed them, pointing at the book.

They tilted their head and did as they were told. The envelope fell out but they caught it before it could hit the ground. They held it curiosly and you saw their face turn red. You watched them carefully and studied their expression when they opened the envelope. Excitement took over their expression and they got up and attacked you with a hug.

“Asahi!! Thank you!! I love it! I love her! I love you!” They say as they wrapped you in their arms.

You braced for the impact and hugged them back and you went stiff when you realize what they had just said. You hugged them tighter, tears threatening to fall down your face and you tried to hold it back but couldn’t. You choked a sob and inhaled sharply, they pulled away from you and concern was written all over their face.

“Asahi, hey? What’s wrong?” They cupped your face and wiped the tears away. 

“I’m just a bit overwhelmed, I think?” You say in between breaths. 

“Oh, Sorry, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.” Their expression turned soft and they leaned in to give you kiss on the forehead. “I really meant it you know. I really do love you.” They stared longingly at you, hands squeezing your face.

“Y-you do?” You say shakily.

“Of course I do. With all my heart.” They giggled. “I tell you what, since you got that merengue amiibo card for me, why don’t i take you out for a date as a thank you?” They teased a little.

“A dATE?” You almost screamed. “You? YOU? WANT? Like WANT? To go on a date? WITH ME?” You say repeatedly.

They laughed and nodded their head. “What do you say? Saturday, we could go out?” They say, thinking while you sat there just, in pure shock and happiness. 

“You know what, I’ll take you up on that. Saturday right?” You snapped out of your shocked state and put your hands on their sides and felt a wave of confidence wash over you. You cupped their face and pulled them into a kiss, short and sweet. Now it was their turn to be shocked, their face was redder than a tomato and now it was your turn to laugh.They playfully hit your arm and pouted, breaking into a fit of laughter once they noticed that faking anger didn’t work. The laught filled the air and it might have been two in the morning but the two of had no care in the world. All there was for the two of you was this moment, the feeling in your hearts and the future that had yet to come.

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Taglist : @sakura-asahi @lydzisanerd @vventure @letmeshouyou @gulfwanq @nekoglasses @lordeofthunder @cocoellen @dear-green-tea @kenmagi

[sunshinexlollipops]

Hello! Just wanted to stop by (hopefully not being a bother) and say I have recently just went through all of your red dead fics on ao3 and wow. I've gotten into a/b/o fics more after reading yours! But also your amidst fic made me feel all types of things, and I know however it ends will leave me messy with f e e l i n g s. And I want to prematurely thank you for those feelings xP. I was also wondering, if that's alright, how your writing process is like? You put in a lot of words in amidst and some of your other fics. Do you make outlines? Do you first write down ideas for a chapter/fic and then draft it out? Are there scenes you add/take out? Is there a length goal you usually set for yourself? You don't have to answer, but I wish you well and thank you for fics that brightened my life a little!

LONG POST!

omg, hello anon! your ask 100% got lost in my notifs, so I just wanna start this off by saying you aren't a bother whatsoever!

in fact: I love receiving asks about my fics, as well as opening up about the writing that takes to get them to you guys!

so I'm gonna start this reply off with a quick thank you about my works! I'm so happy you're enjoying or have enjoyed what I've written.

RDR2/Arthur Morgan is a pleasure to write about, but I've also really enjoyed the fandom. it's been one of the sweetest and most supportive, and I've found one of my best literary periods with you guys! so thank you! :>

but enough pitter patter about that-- let's get to the fun stuff!

since you had a few questions, I'm gonna answer these in a separated list so it'll be easy to follow along! :)

-------

What is your writing process like?

well, in truth anon, I don't exactly have much of one.

that may surprise some, and others not. in truth, I think that sometimes the idea or concept of a "writing process" kind of scares anyone trying to get into writing.

I'm not sure if you are, anon, but your questions just make me want to cover this, just in case.

writing should come to you how it comes. I'm definitely NOT a textbook writer. I don't have a method where I have cardinal rules and a set up I have to have.

I simply embrace when inspiration strikes. usually while listening to music or absorbing some other media. frankly, if you treat writing like a science, you're gonna get stuck. it isn't an issue you have to fix, or a challenge you have to tackle.

allow yourself to get comfortable and just think whatever comes your way mentally. even if you think an idea is bad, encourage it! you can't write if you don't let yourself think.

so for me, I suppose my "process" is just encouraging my writing and for my brain to pop out ideas or scenes. just write away and see where it takes you!

You use a lot of words-- do you outline by chance?

ah yes. I am a wordy potato, frankly. albeit ACW is an overall outlier at being ALMOST A MILLION WORDS. even then, I don't think any of my over fics have ever really gotten past 150k, and I believe only ONE had done so.

this was... not by design.

believe it or not, I intended ACW to actually be short. 6 chapters like the game and boom, done. I thought I could summarize everything and just show snippets of a growing relationship between Arthur and my unintentional OC, Wolf. it almost would've been like a one-shot just broken up into chapters for homage sake.

but then I overplotted the prologue and next thing I knew, ACW had become this massive, sprawling monster of a slow-burn.

as for outlines... I don't necessarily outline. I'll explain this more in my next response. :)

Do you write a summary of a chapter or fic down, then draft afterward?

so in terms of summary, no. these stories live in my head, and I tend to feel that writing things down is more of a waste of time for me.

my brain flies through stories at such quick speeds I feel like I will lose my spark or my ideas if I take a second to write things down.

I am known to do audio recordings where I talk about my writing though. this is an amazing way to brainstorm on the fly, and some of my best ideas have come from just voicing what I'd like to see happen aloud. additionally: the recordings are a good way to keep track of what I've said and want, just like an outline!

otherwise I don't outline. I'm not sure what the terminology is, but I apparently go after my stories a lot like Stephen King does.

write first, worry about the rest later. I'm very much a "swim and swim even if you're sinking" because I would rather put the work in than fool with floaties to keep myself up.

personally this works wonders for me, as I don't like restraining myself or my head once I'm in motion. it doesn't end well if I do-- like snuffing a candle. I just go for it and I will make sense of it later.

even so, I have general ideas for what I want to happen, and I remember my basic outlines. the details come later, as long as the big picture is visible to me.

as for ACW: the only "outlines" I did was timing of the game missions. just to make sure I didn't miss major happenings, and that I had the timing in a way that flowed for what I wanted both logically and narratively.

as for drafts, I also don't draft. again, I go for it. that being said, I have restarted updates a couple of times, or have deleted entire scenes out of dissatisfaction. most of the time though, it's one and done for me! and it's all done on the fly. :)

Are there scenes you add/remove?

as mentioned above, yes. I have deleted a lot of content from ACW. some ideas never came to, but more often than not, it was repackaged in a way I liked better. so if anything, content was recycled and you all still got to see it in some way.

but there are some things that I want to do that just aren't possible. like many stranger missions. there's no good way to include certain events or characters in ACW without derailing what is going on. so alas: aberdeen pig farm is not a stop on Arthur and Wolf's itinerary.

but for another example, I wanted to showcase more of Wolf's past with her father (specifically her shut in life before his death), and I wanted scenes and more examples of her being disconnected unlike everyone else as a result.

these will come as flashbacks or other scenes in the upcoming chapters, but I intend to add these changes or additions during my revisions! :>

Is there usually a length goal you set?

as for word goals, I never quite had any apart from "at least 20k words" just because that was usually my average, I noticed.

additionally, this made sure I didn't end chapters without putting the bare minimum of content in them, and to have solid continuity. can you imagine have a 20k update and then a 3k one? no thanks!

20k just became my running baseline, after that. otherwise, my limit is when AO3 reaches theirs for the character limit (fence why some updates were split into multiple pieces).

with my other stories, I simply write until the story is properly paced or finished: however long it takes!

---------

whew! what a post!

but I hoped that gave you some more insight, anon.

writing is crazy, and I'm always learning something new. more now than ever, since I'm looking into actually getting something original submitted for publication.

if you (or anyone reading this) are inspired to write yourself, don't be discouraged! writing is one of the most intensive forms of creation. it's not easy. it's not instant. it's a lot of passion and time, let alone a utilization of language and grammar fluency!

it's easy to feel overwhelmed or lost, or feel like it's better to not try than struggle to start. but I can assure, writing is such a splendid thing to do. write for enjoyment, or pleasure, or simply because you want to.

as long as your story isn't intended to be hateful, is your own work, and is fun for you to create... what else matters?

if you want some additional inspiration, just know that I started writing fic in 2012/2013 and have gone through so much in my near TEN YEARS of fic writing. I've learned a lot, and I've grown so much!

be proud of yourself no matter where you are at and start from, and pride yourself in your progress or beginnings.

just go for it! you may surprise yourself!

hope you're having a good one, anon. and thanks for the ask! :)

[deathofthementicelesti]

god it would’ve been so easy to just take the ask at face value, delete the offending racist post in question, apologize and move on like a well-adjusted adult and white ally is supposed to, instead of writing several essays about how you’re not racist actually, you are actually a professor of racism, saying that people of color who disagree with you are misguided and hurt by other things and lashing out at you unfairly, blocking them and silencing them in the process, while only agreeing with poc that are on your side (which is pretty transparent and stupid) and spending time in a discord server having fellow white people massage your back telling you how right you are, and how mean and bad anyone who criticizes you is :(

it’s a single fucking ask dude, not even sent on anon, you could’ve answered it privately too. this isn’t about callout or purity culture, about some secret hidden intent on my part or anyone else’s, you just did a shitty thing, sclfmastery, own up to it. i don’t care how much you try to twist it to be about mental illness or fucking covid-19, it’s not, you reblogged a racist post, tangentially pointed out how it might be racist, while bolstering its claims, and after someone pointed it out to you, you didn’t delete it, but went on a long, nonsensical tangent that sounded like the ravings of a mad person to cover your tracks

you are being a huge baby, blowing this way out of proportion, trying to smear your critics without actually engaging with their point, and everyone can see right through your bullshit. fucking hell

[coollyinterferes]

   SPEED: One of the first things you need to know if you’re interacting with me or plan to do so is that I’m slow, and I really mean slow, with any and all of my replies. It can take from minutes/hours to days, weeks, sometimes even a month or so. It always depends on a variety of things, and how real life is going at the moment, as I tend to get busy at times, and also my mental health is not always at it’s best (as you know, I tend to go through episodes of anxiety and/or depression p often, and that usually ends up affecting my activity here) and I also happen to get distracted a lot sometimes. Add the issue I’ve been dealing with this past month with my laptop on top of all that, too orz

   REPLIES: I tend to miss some sometimes when tumblr’s notifs fail and I don’t have them on my tracker yet, or when the tracker is not working properly (like it was some time ago). I try to get to them as soon as I can when I see them. There are times some threads pique my muse’s interest more than others and, as such, he will bug me and make sure we get to those asap. As stated in the rules, it’s nothing personal, just a matter of the muse currently being more invested into those threads/replies. In regards of content: I always try to make sure I’m giving my partners something they can work with for their reply and to keep the ball rolling and the interest on the thread alive. However, I can’t do this alone, and I expect my partners to do their part on this. Being forced to carry all the weight of a thread sucks all the fun out of it, so if you ever feel like I’m failing to do my part on this, please, please! let me know so I can fix that as soon as I can!

   STARTERS: I’m not great at them, which is why I tend to go with small ic posts every now and then that serve as “open starters” of sorts. This does not mean that I won’t write you a starter if you’d like one from me, though! All you need to do is let me know you want one or, alternatively, write me one and tag me in it if that feels best for you. We can always plot something for it. It doesn’t have to be super in-depth. We can just set the outlines and go from there, if that’s best (I’d actually appreciate some input if you happen to have a muse from a different jojo part/fandom, or an OC, this to make something we’re both equally comfortable with).

   INBOX: My ask box is open all the time. Anon is on, too. Anything and everything is welcome, save for anon hate and stuff of the likes of it that no one wants to see (and as long as its within the rules, of course). If you ever want to send your muse over here, you can do it anytime! Same if you ever have any questions, if there's anything you want to know about my muse, anything you'd like to ask him about other muses, about his relationships with them and so on. Crack-ish, serious, angsty, etc. The possibilities are endless. And, as stated before, anon is on, so if that's best for you, you can always go with that! I'm a bit slow replying to asks sometimes, but I try to get to everything as soon as I can. I rarely ever delete asks so, if I haven’t replied to yours one way or another, then it most likely means that either tungle ate it, or it failed to notify me about it orz

   SELECTIVITY: I'm pretty flexible on this and I'm open to interactions with pretty much anyone and everyone regardless of their writing/rp style and so on. I don't always follow everyone back, mainly cause I try to keep a somewhat uncluttered dash. As stated in the rules, I usually don't follow back personal/non-rp accounts or accounts that post a lot of personal/non-rp posts (I sometimes follow some of these personals/non-rp accounts from my personal, though), blogs that don't trim their threads (2 or 3 blockquotes are fine, but more than that not so much) and etc. However, none of this will affect any possible interactions as I'm always open for interactions with mutuals AND non-mutuals.

   WISHLIST: There are a few things I've always wanted to try my hand at rp-wise. I've always wanted to explore more of Robert's past, from his childhood to his days as a gangleader. This can be done in different ways, especially if we happen to go with something more "EoH-like" or set in different verses, or even AUs, or with muses that may have known him around that time and etc. Speaking of AUs, I’d also like to explore some of my AUs (the vampire AU, mainly).    Another thing in my wishlist that probably comes as no surprise at all would be the chance to roleplay some jonawagon and/or some jonaeri+jonawagon. Like, yeah, it's true that Robert truly fell head over heels for that big bara guy the moment he kicked his face, but I'd really like to explore their relationship as a whole, to see some of the development they had in canon through all those months of peace that came after that horrid battle in Windknight’s Lot, to see them captivating each other and realize that "shit, this is not just some childish infatuation like i thought it was", that it's the real deal, something much deeper than anyone would’ve expected, to see them come to terms with this “obscene” relationship, to see them deal with and overcome the obstacles and issues that being gay in Victorian England carried, and see them go from friends to something else. To see them get intimate, but not only in a sexual/sensual way, but also like sharing all sorts of intimate moments together, opening themselves to each other. To explore all the good but also all the not-so-good in their relationship, to explore all those sad and bitter moments they spent together, healing together, trying to overcome their traumas together, from those they acquired together since that day the stone mask changed their lives to all the heavy baggage they have both been dragging along since their childhoods, and so on. All those aspects that aren't always explored or even talked about when it comes to the ship as a whole and see them have the long happy lives and the happy ending they deserved either as a couple or as a polycule (in the case of jonaeri+jonawagon).    In regards of relationships (and this includes romantic relationships with other characters/muses), I'd like to continue seeing Robert develop relationships and forming bonds of all kinds with other muses as well, especially with muses from part 1, since I've rarely ever had the chance to interact with many since I made this blog about 3 years ago. Some romance is always appreciated since Robert is a bit too much of a romantic fool when he's in lerv, but I'm always open to all sorts of bonds and relationships -platonic, romantic, familial, hateships, etc-.

   HONEST NOTE: I'm shy and a lot of times I find it a bit hard to socialize or i plain out don't know what to say (and language barriers sometimes get in the way, too), but I always try my best to keep a conversation going if I feel the other person is interested in it as well -else I’ll feel like I’m boring them to death and won’t say much more :’D-. It might take me a while to figure out what to say and build up the courage to talk to you first, but please never hesitate to reach out to me if you ever want to talk, even if it's just about our muses or about any plot ideas, headcanons, to share some plot bunnies and so on. Same if you ever want to send your muse our way! It doesn’t matter if we haven’t interacted before. Just like with every other reply from me tho, I tend to be slow (and forgetful, too), but I try to get to everything as soon as I can. That said, please never worry about taking your time to write a reply for me, be it ic or ooc. I understand and would never get mad at you for it.

   tagged by:  speeb sees, speeb steals >:jc ( stolen from @shabcn and @jojoingjoseph )    tagging:  I’ve seen this on the dash a few times today, so idk who’s done it already and who hasn’t so, if you see this and want to give it a shot, consider yourself tagged!

[eriisaam]

Thanks everyone

Sorry, sorry, I hesitated to bring this up more, but with how it riled up everyone as well, I felt like putting this in a proper post.

The tl;dr of the post is that I’m really grateful for all of you and even happier for your support, but also I’m really sorry for upsetting the lot of you as well in light of earlier. I’m still working on things as they come, when they come, and I won’t try to do any major pruning, just I had a lapse in judgement and didn’t think things through for the past few days leading up to not just deleting too-rude feedback (and upsetting everyone with it in the process). I want the comments to remain as a reminder of the “remember this, and think long and hard before letting this happen again” sort, but moving forward, I’ll be much more cautious of which asks to respond or pay mind to, and not just give a platform to just whoever with whatever.

Again, thank you all, just... I apologize for the mess. Love you all <3

The longer and ramblier version of the above

I’ve been meaning to try to get back to the previous fics/content, I do, and actually was trying to work on them on top of the loose ends of the content I had for the Kiransonas (context to what led to As the Sea Witch Says, the second and final part to Snowfrost Feathers, and answering one other commenter in AO3′s questions of how dragon-Lif came to be, on top of whatever new info Kyo brings now). I get it’s frustrating that the longfics I had prior to the sudden focus on kiransonas took a noticeably longer wait time on top of the kiransonas taking over everything (and it was a previous, frequent concern of mine as well, but more on that in the second paragraph), but I hadn’t forgotten those, hadn’t abandoned those, and for better or worse I’m still doing them. 

However, the alternative to stopping everything kiransona-related won’t be suddenly having more chapters, unfortunately. I hate to make light of it, but had it not been for the kiransonas frequently filling in as they had, what would’ve replaced them would be a lot of inactivity and empty slots. I think that might have been what led to the concern they took away focus from what I did previously when in reality, the focus was barely hanging on in the wake of a lot of personal issues, many of which were tied to the current global ongoings especially, but some that existed well before.

But I also worried of being incredibly obnoxious with the whole “suddenly, kiransonas” due to the three (four now) having a discussion group where more about them came to light more often and why they have more ready things to share. The previous anons had... rather unfortunate timing, having come in at a time I wasn’t exactly in the best mental place, but I brought it on myself being so passive-aggressive in tags hinting here and there with Kyo (of thoughts of him replacing Erin, Teru and Sparrow moving forward until Kyo himself led to all this, I’m guessing, of being a final straw for the last two anons). Those kind of thoughts were why I didn’t think twice of the comments when they first came to pass because I was at a very “you know, maybe you’re right, shit.” mind, and it only confirmed what I was already thinking.

What I didn’t expect was so many to make a hard push against the comments previously, and more, also didn’t expect the complete opposite thoughts that the four Kiransona OCs were anything less than super obnoxious and ill-thought. Having a lot of you guys try to help me and point out counterpoints about them helped give me a lot of clarity not to be on a deleting spree, except...

It also meant a lot of you got riled up over comments I should’ve seen for what they were the first time, should’ve nipped in the bud the first time, and could’ve also stopped a whole lot of this from getting as it had.

And I’m sorry for not stopping that, much as the support was heavily, heavily appreciated.

So to move forward? I won’t delete anything or discontinue anything. I’ll give them more thought, and though maybe I’ll shift things around every now and again, it’ll be different from what I was thinking about last night up to this morning.

I won’t delete the comments, because I’m going to keep them as a reminder not to let that happen again. If I get any more comments of that sort, moving forward, I will no longer pay them mind, but for the two I let slip previously, I want those to serve as a reminder to think long and hard what to allow and whether to respond to it or not, for the sake of all of our nerves. 

And if everyone’s ok with what’s going on in the mean time, I’ll keep continuing with what I can, regardless of what that ends up generating.

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from Steves

Anon please? You can call me Steves.

My roommate and I had a friend, B, a while back. She was a trans woman and a SW. She was so sweet and fun and we loved her lot. We both lost touch with her after a while because she had redeveloped ana and went to a therapist for her GAD and depression as well as her ED, and she kinda stopped responding. She deleted her FB and everything. It’s been almost two years with nothing and we were worried, so not too long ago, I posted on FB about her, asking people for info if they had any, because of her mental health and I know that being a SW can be dangerous. Someone DMed me, and sent me a link to a local prison site where she had just released from after 16 months for attempting suicide by police. Her photo didn’t even look like her. Her head was shaved, she looked cold, and it was haunting. By chance, my roommate texted her old number, and she texted back, so I started texting her too, and at first it was so good to know that she was okay and alive. But… then we started talking more, and she wouldn’t say it, but I think she went through conversion therapy of some sort because I guess right before she went to prison, she had stopped going by B and using her deadname, stopped taking hormones, sold her clothes, everything. She’s also super Catholic now, and against LGBT people, which my roommate and I both are, and it’s so fucking heartbreaking because my friend B would never be like that, and a part of me wished I had never gone looking. I wish I had been more active in trying to reach out and let her know I was there, even if she didn’t want to talk. Another, horrible, horrible part of me wonders if it was better if she had been successful, because then she wouldn’t be like this, and I know that’s so fucking awful of me, but at least I would have been able to mourn my friend. I can’t now. I’m just heartbroken and I feel a little betrayed, and I don’t know what to say to her or do, it just hurts. I miss my friend.

Hey there Steves,

Wow it sounds like so much has happened between your friend and you. It can be so hard to lose contact and then to resume it only to find out how much they have changed and that they don’t seem to be the sweet, fun and loving person that they first were.

Mental health issues can be horrible and it can be so hard to see someone relapse and have to go back to therapy and work on their recovery again. Having GAD, depression and an eating disorder is a lot to deal with and I am sure that at the time, if you had known how badly she was struggling then you would’ve helped her and supported her the best that you could. When we have mental health issues it can really cloud our judgement and it is so easy to just disappear from the world and in a way just become invisible. It sounds as though your friend was in a dark place to just cut all contact and delete her face book account and other social media accounts that she may have had. Two years is also such a long time to go without contact so I can completely understand why you were so worried about her and not to mention you being shocked when you saw a current picture of her and heard what she had been through!

Getting back into contact with someone from your past can be tough, and especially if they have changed so much. I am proud of you though for at least giving reconnecting with her a go, I know that this would not have been easy to do at all! And with all the what if’s you are now having and questioning what you should or shouldn’t of done is unfortunately a normal thing to experience, but it can still be quite uncomfortable and confronting to go through.

You mentioned that a part of you wished that she was successful when she attempted suicide, please don’t beat yourself up over this thought. You’re going through so much right now with this friend and all of the emotions that it has brought up for you. It’s OK to think about bad things happening sometimes, so please be gentle and kind to yourself, you are dealing with a lot right now and it sounds as though you need a well deserved break from everything!

It can be so difficult when things don’t go to plan and I know it’s easier to have your friend commit suicide so that you can mourn her and remember the beautiful person that she was, but maybe over time things will get a little bit easier overtime? Just remember that she’s just come out from prison, which that in itself would have made her the different person that she is right now, but it doesn’t mean that she will be that way forever. Maybe she just needs some time to figure out what she wants to do with her life, where she wants to go. With some time, anything can happen!

I know that you feel hurt and betrayed by her and personally I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with gently letting her know that you’re going through a lot right now and have some personal stuff to figure out. Maybe you can use that time to also have a break and look after yourself! The most important thing to remember is that we can only help people so much and we are not in control of their actions or what they end up doing, so please do keep this in mind too!

I hope that this has helped a bit and please know that I am thinking of you!

Take care,

Lauren

[transkieran]

anyway, guarma & colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy (& friends) think abusive ships are a funny way to get under someone’s skin

JUST FYI: I woulda had this conversation in private, but @guarma keeps calling Erin a bitch with a god-complex, even though everything she accuses Erin of is something I did, and she refuses to acknowledge me. So no more private, she called me a pussy for not confronting her. Well here's the confront ig!

background context: people decided to start shitting on the Yehaw Function server again in another server (let’s say ‘A’ bc I do not wish to drag the owner into this, they were rarely online). @ssupeck21 thought it was perfectly fine to mock the gender and race of a two-spirited native trans guy. nice transphobia and racism there! 

considering i remarked on it, they realized i knew him and suspected me of leaking the above screenshot to the YF server. i had already left this server at the end of february over several reasons, including erin’s server becoming my main one. i’m also reasonably sure i have mentioned no longer being in YF at some point. damage done: kate (guarma) and pongo ( @colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy ) now think i’m “a spy” for YF. (ironic because @ssupeck21 let @jennyxbeans into erin’s server bc she was spying for jenn. and more irony later)

as proven in DM to someone later (oh no, a spied image?), they had the amazing idea to bait me and erin with something that is a massive trigger for me (bully/victim ships). some weirdness: by that time, i’d only made about 2 b/k posts on my blog, neither of which mentioned my trauma i’m pretty sure. erin meanwhile, wasn’t even in the original convi from the first screenshot, though she has mentioned she finds b/k gross. 

so whilst this in its entirety is already immature in itself (really? you think someone is sending screenshots and wanna get ‘revenge’ when you constantly rely on getting screenshots yourself? yes i know someone leaked you screenshots of YF, kate). but also: for someone who talked about being abused and having anxiety, she should know better than use an abusive ship to get back at someone. because i’m 99% sure she knows b/k is a trigger for me; whilst not on my blog, i have had plenty of rants and vents in servers about how b/k is not good for my mental health and that it will make me panic. 

conversation #1 (i do not have screenshots of this): someone asked what everyone’s ships are in rdr2. bill/kieran gets mentioned, at some point i put rooWut (a disgusted looking emote) and remark something about abusive gay ships being cute to them. it gets glossed over, i leave. 

conversation #2. the conversation moves to the nsfw channel, where they pin the message in the above screenshot. ha ha , bully/victim ships are a funny joke! conversation moves on to arthur and other things until Pongo clearly feels like she wants to force a reaction out of me and/or erin. (living dead girl is erin, i am dan’s achy breaky heart).

at this point, my anxiety spikes and i put something along the lines of “my fist up your ass would look cute” in the vent chat of Erin’s server. NSFW with b/k is not good for me, at all. it made me flashback to something, i’m basically just trying to not have a panic attack. but ! ofc , why stop now. 

pongo makes another comment, now not under a spoiler tag and clearly with the context of the DM to get another reaction out of me. erin puts a completely unrelated image to try and divert the conversation, because i’m like entirely losing it at this point---but kate and pongo think it’s hilarious to talk about actually shipping it and kate (micah bell’s dumb hair in the screenshots) is all “omg i wanna write a smut now for them”. 

also: my nickname in this server includes ‘trans kieran’ at this point , either as just my url or like “lion ♡ trans kieran”. they all know i am a gay trans guy, even if some of them currently like to pretend they don’t know me. (hi, @morlawny who doesn’t even wanna say my name at this point despite being all nice in erin’s server.)

i can’t entirely remember my own message, nor do i have screenshots of it because i send it and left and they deleted it like straight after it seems (because an older screenshot, from the day itself, also didn’t have my message anymore). i left because at that point, i lost all ability to think straight. because someone can remark on b/k before and they’ll still be all “ha ha funny!”

at this point, in erin’s server, two things happen. one friend of kate, who isn’t in the server this happened in, asks if she ships bill/kieran and kate admits her plan to just trigger me. because of this, kate starts acting like the victim and making me out like the bad guy who’s shittalking her and refuses to talk to her--which, during a panic attack and with my feelings very clear, i don’t need to. 

secondly, another friend of kate decides my trauma is funny and starts to send kate (on request) screenshots of the vent conversation in erin’s server, starting from the goddamn my fist up your ass comment. the conversation also includes details of my trauma. my trauma is being send around like gossip. 

also this happens in the server i left and i get send it: 

i dunno what planet anyone is living on but, apparently my melt down was only good for one thing: getting mocked. “kieran’s coochie” is transphobic as fuck when you’re laughing at a trans guy getting upset over bill/kieran. especially when it’s very clear i hc kieran as trans. yet, pongo, wolfy ( @soulheartthewolf ) and kate seem to think it’s fucking hilarious. 

kate and pongo then try to play the “we were just joking!” card. when everyone i’ve had read those screenshots agrees nothing about it reads as a joke, and we’re now very sure they weren’t joking about, they were being vile and malicious. (but hey, what’s to expect from someone who says they’d fuck a fictional racist if he was real! that’s ... excusing racism, kate).  

(guarma is micah bell? you mean my husband ;; pongo is arthur morgan is an incel. the other person is the artist who drew young micah, idk their url anymore)

“my mocking of the Bill/Kieran ship” I’m so sorry, Kate, but nothing about nsfw b/k and wanting to write a fic about it, reads as mocking. This entire “it’s just a joke!” doesn’t diminish the fact that you triggered a panic attack. Yes, I shittalked you, because I felt like it was goddamn deserved for "joking” about an abusive ship in a way that didn’t read as a joke. because after I left neither of you got the damn hint and just went straight for the transphobia. It’s not get together and hate guarma, it’s “lion has a panic attack and will actually react insanely aggressively about the things that upset him”. You can turn and twist this into you being the victim all you want, but you ain’t. You’re a pathetic example of a 19 year old who thinks it’s funny to trigger flashbacks and panic attacks. I didn’t talk to you, because at the time the only thing I would’ve probably said, which is also what I’m saying now, is: go shove an entire cactus up your ass, you pathetic cunt of a human being. 

Leave Erin out of this, it’s goddamn hilarious you keep going after a cis bi woman instead of after me, a gay trans guy, and god I fucking wonder why. 

You interact with people who think they can just be racist and transphobic towards anyone they like ( @ssupeck21 ), with people who’ll willing send you all the screenshots you want, with people who send anon hate ( @jennyxbeans ), you’re treating trauma and abuse like a joke and then have the gal to be all “i’d never because i have anxiety!” No. Own up to your shit. 

(I could go on in this post about how she’s just as bad a shittalking, leaked screenshot-wanting piece of shit but hey, the post is very long already so whatever). 

edit: i have deleted screenshot leaking accusations towards morlawny bc i can’t actually prove them but i’m keeping up the thing where you decided to be all nice to me in servers, but then turned around and were all “idk kate didn’t say any of that” (i literally know u were there for those conversations, your name in screenshots!) and tried to defend her constantly in a DM with someone. 

[queerhannibal]

honestly i'll never get over the fact that jack knew damn well how unstable will is re: hannibal, and yet despite all odds will GOT OUT of that extremely unhealthy relationship, got married, had a family that he seemed comfortable and happy with, and jack showed back up and dragged will back in via blatant emotional manipulation both of will and of molly (showing her the photos of the families) when will TOLD JACK about how part of him would always want to slip away with hannibal (cont'd)

(cont'd) and yet jack still shows up and drags will back in, and once will is back in hannibal's orbit he's almost immediately over the event horizon because that's just how powerful their connection is (and dont get me wrong i adore hannigram but it's not healthy or good in any conventional sense! they're cannibals!!) and then jack has the audacity to seem surprised when will chooses hannibal. like goddammit if you had an ounce of respect for will as a person then this wouldn't have happened

Oh my god are you... are you reading my mind?? I had literally typed out something to this exact effect in response to that last anon but then I was like “nah I won’t get into that rn” and deleted it and then here you are encouraging me to get into it

Which I am more than happy to do bc YEAH. YEAH. Jack knew better than anyone how fucked up over Hannibal Will was. Jack knew that Will had had to fight tooth and nail to get out of that relationship and to be able to move on. Jack knew how hard that was and how bad Hannibal was for Will and how persistent their connection was. Jack, if he cared about Will as a human being, should never have even asked Will to get within a hundred miles of Hannibal ever again

But not only does Jack ask, he demands, and then he manipulates Molly into manipulating Will (which is gross!!! he knows how badly Will has been mistreated by people he trusted and loved in the past, he should never have asked Molly behind Will’s back like that!!) and between the two of them Will does go back

and then!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jack doesn’t even put up a token protest when Will says he wants to see Hannibal!!!!!! Will is just like “i gotta see him” and Jack is like “cool beans, whatever gets the case solved”. like!!!!!!! That’s horrible. That’s blatant disregard for Will’s mental well being. There’s absolutely no excuse for that

I love hannigram too and I’m even glad they were endgame over Will/Molly but their relationship is bad, it’s not the kind of relationship a friend should have been doing anything but discouraging even if they weren’t cannibals!!!! I mean Hannibal literally murdered their daughter bc he was upset with Will one time, and Jack literally knows that, and he also knows that even after than Will still wanted to be with Hannibal!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s bad! Hannibal literally drugged Will and gaslit him and hid a lifethreatening disease from him!! That’s bad, and guess what? Jack knows that too!!! 

Will: part of me will always want to run away with him

Jack: okay but you interacting with him is totally fine and will def not result in things going badly for anyone

Anyway yeah if Jack had literally even one ounce of respect for Will as a person Will would have been banned from the BSHCI entirely and he never would’ve asked him to consult on a case again

[gaycey-sketchit]

(Gary anon) I think I 'discovered' it as a whole a few weeks after the Brotherhood dub just finished, so about 9-10 years ago. Wish I coulda caught it while it was airing. (I'm sure I saw brief glimpses of the series before, but didn't catch enough to watch. I love how the recurring joke with FMA is that you can tell who hasn't watched/read based on how they react towards Nina Tucker or Hughes. Those who get curious what the deal is go and watch, and the series claims more emotional victims xD)

(Part Deux) I hope we can see a few more of Gary's old quirks, on top of this "big bro/new side" of him. I wonder how the fandom would react if he gave Goh a petname, since some expect him to [playfully] tease Goh. ("Goooo-kun" sounds fine, but "Goh-boy" sounds so stupid and cheesy that it probably could work in the dub xD) Sometimes I wonder if the slogan "Gotta catch 'em all" wasn't a prevalent thing in the beginning, would Ash still get flak in that department. Considering that Journeys

(Part 3) gave him a lot of Pokemon that fans have been wanting him to have for years, I understand wanting to keep that train running. (But, unfortunately something that's been consistent since OS is that: When you juggle so many characters, there is going to be unbalanced treatment. And this specific fandom compliant has went into overdrive with JN, and this is on top of wanting his reserves back for PWC. New captures will hinder this further. Even with his goal, Goh hasn't escape this either)

(Part 4) But yeah, shaping your own experiences with something is better mentally in the long run. If you have to make some sacrifices because you don't feel safe, so be it. (Hopefully the episode airs as intended. The 'leaks' so far have been mostly [since deleted] texts, but a possible new screen from it got shown afterwards too. This is gonna be a long four days)

Putting my response under a read-more because I ramble and otherwise this would be a pretty long post, haha.

I was so late to the party. It would've been cool to be there for when either series was first airing, but I was really young then and completely unaware it existed until a girl I talked to in high school mentioned it to me. I'm not sure why it took me so long to actually watch it, but getting into it for the first time while laid up in bed recovering from dental surgery near the start of quarantine sure was an experience.

Yeah, I'd vaguely heard something about a Nina situation beforehand but I was still not at all prepared when that went down, and the Hughes thing completely blindsided me. The things FMA does to our emotions.

Yeah! Gary's such a fun character, hopefully we'll get to see plenty of that. If he gave Goh a petname the fandom would probably lose its collective mind. It'd be pretty cute, and I have this headcanon that teasing petnames are a thing he does to every boy he has a crush on. (I've written half the works in AO3's Gary/Drew tag because it's a criminally underrated nevermet, and Gary calling Drew "Shrub" is a quirk of how I write them--it's very silly, but I committed to it when I first wrote them in June 2019 and I'm sticking with it.)

Even though it gave us a truly iconic opening, all the wank about how few Pokemon Ash catches and Dexit happening have made me sometimes think Pokemon ever having the tagline "Gotta catch 'em all" was a mistake. Ugh.

Journeys has given Ash a really fun team so far, I think. (I'm a big fan of Dragonite in particular, it's one of my favorite Dragon-types and his has such a cute personality.) But there's also been a lot of complaints about his Pokemon not getting enough screentime, and any Pokemon he does end up with will probably spur more complaints on that front. It's... a lot. I do genuinely feel sad for people who want to enjoy the anime as it is right now but can't because of its flaws though, I've got friends in that situation.

Yeah, maybe it's partly because I'm an introvert so I'm worn down by Too Many People, but I feel like especially in big fandoms like Pokemon, you pretty much have to curate your experience. I've blocked/muted so many people for the sake of my sanity because it just... weighs on me a lot when people brutally pick apart things I find joy in. And also because some people have been very rude to me for enjoying things they think are bad.

ANyway! Yeah, hoping all goes well with the episode, I'm so excited. I've honestly been going Through It for a while so I really need this.