#a stupid idea pffft

[gniteruirui]

I had an idea!

[here-there-were-dragons]

as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.

this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.

[fakemichaelsheen]

aziraphale: *smiling*

crowley: what are you looking so pleased about?

aziraphale: oh nothing. love is in the air, that’s all. I’m surprised you can’t feel it *shudders* oh, it’s wonderful.

crowley, suddenly tense: nope, no idea what you’re on about.

aziraphale, pleased with himself: the humans. I…may have given them a little push in the right direction.

crowley, raises an eyebrow: you?

aziraphale, offended: and why not? I’ll have you know, I’m well versed when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m an angel, it’s what we do.

-earlier-

aziraphale, cautious: are you sure that’s wise? You must keep her at a distance!

maggie, chuckling: it’s just coffee, mr. fell.

aziraphale, rolls his eyes: oh yes that’s where it starts! coffee, an apple, and before you know it, you’re facing a terrifying situation where one wrong move means you could lose the one being who means more to you than anything else!

maggie: whoa *grins* who’s the lucky fella?

aziraphale: …

-present-

crowley: pffft. what a load of rubbish.

aziraphale, smug: oh and what would you know of love?

crowley: …

-earlier-

crowley, outraged: are you mad? what would you want to be in love for? love is overrated! those annoying butterflies when he does something stupid. that pathetic staring when he says something ridiculous. the fact you’ll do anything for him, he doesn’t even have to ask. the things you’ve done, the things you’ll do. who wants to feel like that all the time?

nina: um…who are you again?

-present-

crowley: …

crowley: nothing. I’m just saying you’re wasting your time, that’s all.

aziraphale, beaming: how can you say that? look at them!

crowley: *watches nina give maggie a bunch of flowers*

aziraphale: I’m so happy for them, crowley. they’ve been dancing around each other for weeks. oh, it’s a tremendous feeling, having brought two people together.

crowley, sighs: I guess.

aziraphale, glances at him: you don’t think it’s possible? that two people, seemingly from different worlds, could ever make it work? you’re not…the least bit happy for them?

crowley, shrugs: whatever

aziraphale, nods: yes, of course. whatever, indeed.

[this-is-fox-speaking]

FANTOCCIO FACTS POST (from screenshots i found in my own interests server)

- His name is italian for puppet, but he pronounces it incorrectly and insists it’s the correct way to say his name if anyone else points it out and says he’s wrong.

- He’s not from Italy, obviously. Goes to show. But Ash imagines he knows a bit of italian. (“Not enough Italian to say his name right.” - Katie.)

- Fantoccio has a pet shark named Sharkspeare! Mentioned in the song at the line “‘Cause Sharkspeare’s looking mean!”

- Fantoccio has to make all his own props, set pieces, clothes, etc in the theatre.

- Would never smoke, and would hate being around it/people who’re doing it actively.

- Fantoccio was made by Ash as a fan OC for the game, and this (as far as I’m aware) is what got them hired onto the game, cause Katie loved their ideas so much.

- Fantoccio is not very good with kids.

- Fantoccio’s favorite food is churros. This came from the fact Ash once had a dream about him infodumping about them cause he loved them so much, so they made it canon.

- Don’t worry, he can indeed taste things normally. No traditional taste buds, but some, nonetheless. Same goes for touch!

- Fantoccio is canonically autistic, having many traits of himself heavily projected from Ash, themself.

- When asked what his meltdown triggers could be, Ash thought that some might be: too much touching, being without his hat, or one of his props breaking.

- Fantoccio likes wearing dresses! Wears them if he feels like it or if the role calls for it, during a play.

- Ash thinks he’d ADORE snow.

- Fantoccio would 100% love spicy italian from subway.

- Fantoccio plays violin!

- Fantoccio would chant “I’m sleeping” when struggling to fall asleep, like his own version of counting sheep.

- He would NEVER say the Earth is flat.

- He’d be the “How do you do that” of that one keysmash meme, if paired with Barnaby.

- Ash once said that Fantoccio is like Duck from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared.

- When doing a personality type test (and actually answering truthfully instead of in character) for Fantoccio, he ended up with ENTJ-T, Commander. Fanto would answer untruthfully on some questions, like if he ever gets insecure (“PFFFT NO THE ANSWERS NO”).

- He can go uwu in the bbu lore, but he’ll hate it. (“THIS IS STUPID!!!”)

- Fantoccio would apparently be a “mac and cheese FIEND.”

- He’d hate pranks (specifically a hand zapper in this case), because they’re unexpected. (“NEVER DO THAT AGAIN”)

- This also means he’d never troll anyone, cause he feels above that.

- Fanto would HATE hearing people crack their knuckles, like Ash does.

- Fantoccio loves to carve wood. Specifically only by hand, that’s how much he loves it! He carved the two giant wooden hands used in his battle, but his favorite thing to carve is ducks.

- Fantoccio is very intent on ONLY eating the few foods he knows he likes.

- If he were an ice cream, he’d be coffee flavor! Which is ironic, because Ash has also said that it’d probably be terrible to give Fantoccio caffeine.

- Fantoccio would LOVE chicken nuggets.

- Hates pizza, though. Too greasy and messy.

- Would enjoy having an ipad “a little too much. He would be super confused at first but once he learns how to use it DO NOT TAKE IT AWAY”. (kinda like Peridot from Steven Universe)

- He would like spruce wood in Minecraft, but also acacia “just to look at.”

- Ash adores pirates, so so does Fantoccio!

- He has no nose, so no sneezes!

- Appreciates detail as much as Barnaby does.

- Fanto would love birds!

- Fanto is not capable of curse words. Sad.

- Fantoccio would COLLAPSE trying to lift someone without his powers.

- He stims by patting his face and spinning around. Fidgets with his hands in concepts for his standing idle animations, because he’s uncomfortable with standing and prefers floating.

- He’d favor Murder Mystery!

- His wood is alive and can grow like a real boy! (if you’ve seen my post being reblogged around, lol)

- He lives in the lost city of magic, which is abandoned and overrun my magical zombies who used to be magic users, now with a terrible curse. So he lives mainly in his theatre. He’s not trapped, anymore, like his old story!

- Fantoccio’s powers are based around telekinesis and teleportation. It’s how he moves his body around!

- He used to have a plush toy rabbit he carried around, when he was younger, seemingly. It’s unclear where that went, when he got older.

- Fantoccio’s been locked up in this city for 15 years, since he was 8. Completely isolated (save for those zombies, I suppose)! When Billie comes along, though, he’s so excited to have something new to play with!

- Fanto’s song is inspired by Weird Al. Like 90% of this game is, of course /lh. He was also inspired by the pied piper!

- He’d dislike the idea of seafood. (“He’d be like “Why would anyone want to eat a fish?!” And cover Sharkspeare’s nonexistent ears like “Don’t listen to them!””)

- The red feather in his hat is also used as a pen!

- Fantoccio is a being of pure magic, having an entire magic gem be his whole life source. This means he can use magic endlessly without getting tired (I believe)!

- Fantoccio is 23, he/him, and pansexual.

- His face is made using magic. It disappears when/if he’s magic-less.

- Fantoccio can absolutely feel pain.

- When it comes to nature, Ash said he’d kinda be like Rarity from MLP:FiM, but certain kinds of nature he’d still really love. He’d really dislike walking through the wild or camping in general, but loves things like snow or flower fields. Just depends!

- Fantoccio would main Bowser in Mario Kart.

-In terms of favorite Halloween treats, Fantoccio would like anything chewy and fruity (no chocolate)!

- Canonically wears eyeliner.

- Magic sparks from his fingertips when he’s very excited!

- If Fantoccio was an animal, Ash says he’d be a cat.

- No traditional gross human stuff inside him like others, just wood and sap. “Whatever trees do.”

- His original concept by Ash was him having a purple phantom head, being a ghost in a puppet’s body. This was changed by Katie, I believe.

(feel free to add on if I missed anything! i’ll edit this post if i randomly remember something)

[keirawantstocry]

An idea: Pac and Fit learn and then watch Tubbo doing his trampoline (or maybe even gymnastics in general) routine<3

oh tia. have i mentioned you're a genius. rotating this in my mind. i didn't do it justice nobody can. gah its just so good

“What's this?” Pac asked, as Fit and him walked up to Tubbo's place. There he stood next to a large rectangular trampoline with cushions on the sides. 

“I used to be a trampolinist when I was younger,” Tubbo said as he began to shed the outer layers of his outfit. Pac barely processed his words as his eyes narrowed in on the strong thighs now on display under short black shorts and the muscled biceps under the tank top. 

He glanced up and saw Fit's eyes trained on the same thing. Fit noticed him looking and glanced up at him. Their eyes were saying the same thing to each other. 

“Bagi suggested I get back into it,” Tubbo continued as Pac tore his attention away from Fit, away from Tubbo's thighs and tried to pay attention to what he was saying. “It's a way to release pent up stress and energy.” 

“There's other ways to release pent up energy,” Pac muttered under his breath in Portuguese. 

“What was that?” Tubbo said, looking up but thankfully the translator hadn't caught it. 

“Nothing,” Pac said, trying to look innocent and like he hadn't just been staring at Tubbo's thighs again. 

Tubbo squinted at him suspiciously but turned back around to climb onto the trampoline. Their eyes were definitely not zeroed in on his ass. 

With a quick few bends to his torso followed by snapping, Tubbo was ready. 

The performance could only be explained as incredible. Every movement of his body was fluid and followed the move before it perfectly. Pac was utterly obsessed with the way his muscles twisted and flexed with his movements. How his calves flexed, how his incredibly strong core kept himself balanced through every flip and jump. 

The flips were the main event, up and down over and over again as he flipped, quickly tucking his knees in before straightening again to touch down and bounce back up even higher. He spun in the air, elegantly twisting with his arms tucked into his sides. 

Pac would be the first to admit that trampolining didn't seem like a very attractive sport but now? Watching Tubbo land gently with a flushed face and wide grin, he had to change his mind. 

With barely a glance at Fit he could tell his boyfriend was thinking the same thing. 

Tubbo climbed carefully off the trampoline and stood in front of them, panting heavily. “Good?” he said with a laugh. 

“So good,” Pac said, feeling dizzy as his eyes dipped down the sweat dripping down Tubbo's chest. 

“It was amazing,” Fit said, slightly more capable of thought then Pac was. 

“Is your boyfriend okay?” Tubbo asked Fit with a slight laugh. “He's fucking vibrating.” 

They both looked at him and Fit laughed loudly. “Yeah, yeah, he just wants to jump your bones so bad it's making him dizzy.” 

“Fitch!!” Pac cried out, avoiding both of their eyes. “Shut up.” 

Fit laughed, that deep laugh from his chest as Tubbo eyed him curiously. “Is that so?” 

Pac perked up at his inflection. “Are you interested?” 

Tubbo flushed, looking between two of them. “Pac, man, your boyfriend is right there.” 

“So?’ 

Tubbo raised an eyebrow incredulously. “I… I don't think he'd appreciate you flirting with me right in front of him.” 

“Pffft,” Pac said, waving him off. “Não, pretty sure he wants to… jump your bones as he said as well.” 

Tubbo froze. “Sorry… what?” 

Pac couldn't stop his eyes from dipping down again as a drop of sweat fell from his face onto the stretch of skin above his shirt. His brain short-circuited. 

Distantly he could hear Fit's rumbling laugh. “Aw come on, Tubbo. If you don't know by now that he wants you, you're kind of stupid.” 

Tubbo spluttered. “Hey, I'm not stupid! Wait, he wants me?” 

“Don't talk about me like I'm not here,” Pac said half heartedly, taking a step forward so he could run his hand over Tubbo's collarbone. 

“Fit,” Tubbo said in a strained voice. “You better tell me if you're serious or not right now before I actually make out with your boyfriend right fucking now.” 

“Go right ahead. As long as I get a shot at you next.” 

Tubbo let out a weak noise of surprise before he and Pac were falling into each other desperately, all clumsy hands and gentle mouths.

[beanghostprincess]

Rayleigh explains to tiny Shanks and Buggy what Valentine's Day is because Roger won't stop running around the ship saying he doesn't know what to get Rouge as a gift (they've been like this for a long time and they've lost count of how many islands they've visited in such a short time already).

So the man, of course, tells them it's a day in which you give presents or just celebrate your love with the people you care about the most... Mostly in a romantic way, but when they were very little and very close, Shanks and Buggy instantly went "We like each other!!" and ever since they've been giving each other presents for Valentine's Day, even if it's meant to be in just a platonic way.

The thing is-- They grow up together, and of course, they develop feelings for each other that are beyond what friendship. And suddenly Valentine's Day has a new entire meaning. Buggy comes to the conclusion, at the age of 13, that they're too old to be doing this with each other when they should be doing it with their crushes. Which they don't have. Because they're quite literally the only ones of their age on that ship. But whatever- Shanks is devastated. He accepts and goes with the typical "Yeah, of course. Pffft. I'll just save all my romantic ideas for a girl--" but he doesn't want any girl. He wants Buggy. And he has known that for a long time.

So fuck it. He's impulsive and it's dumb and he wants to show Buggy how much he means to him as more than just a friend. At 13, he uses the "I had already bought you a gift before you complained about this" excuse, and at 14 Shanks just says he had forgotten about not doing it. Old habits die hard. But then they're 15, and they're alone and the crew disbanded but at least they're alone together. And Shanks has this constant fear of Buggy leaving him too the way the rest of the crew did, so he doesn't give him anything. He had something planned because of course he had. But he keeps it to himself this once.

What he doesn't know is that Buggy is actually waiting for him to give him something. He's proud and stubborn and he would never admit it, but he regrets complaining about Valentine's Day now that Shanks doesn't want to officially celebrate it with him anymore. He tells himself he doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck if Shanks doesn't want to give him a stupid present. He doesn't care if Shanks has forgotten about it. But the thought of Shanks celebrating this day with somebody else makes him unable to concentrate for the whole week. He wants to throw up.

But it's killing Shanks. It's eating him alive. So he swears he will confess his love and will give him a proper Valentine's Day gift next year. Next year. He only needs to wait. And Buggy promises to himself that if this happens- That if Shanks gives him something. Anything. Any hint from the universe that Shanks wants to be with him. He'll say yes. They've lost too much for them to then separate again.

Soon enough, Roger dies. Before Valentine's Day and before they can say anything. Before Buggy can fix whatever is wrong with him and his jealousy and rage toward Shanks. Before Shanks can act upon the feelings he's been forever keeping to himself. An 'I love you' rests on the tip of Shanks' tongue while he watches Buggy running away from him, and it stays there for years and years, patiently waiting for the next time they see each other again. Because it's the first thing he'll say to the clown.

But he doesn't save it until they see each other again. No. It's much sooner than he expected and a bit too late, too, to hope for an answer. Shanks loses his arm for the future generation and realizes how fragile life is and how little time he could have left if something went south. So he writes Buggy a letter (that nobody but him would understand because he's not writing precisely with his good hand) and attached to him there's this music box. It seems like a silly present. A dumb, childlike thing that no adult would appreciate. But Buggy grew fond of it when they walked through several stores with Gaban one day, and he didn't have enough money for it so he kept whining about it the whole week. Shanks had... All of his money left. He wanted to buy himself more chocolate, but he guessed a music box was alright too. It would be Buggy's, but since they're always together it would be his too, anyway, right?

They're not together anymore and Shanks can't see Buggy's face when he receives the gift. He can't hear the music box, either. But he guesses it had always been just for Buggy, at the end of the day, so he doesn't care. He just wishes Buggy had responded to it somehow because there's never any sound at the end of the line when he tries to call him and Buggy never responds to his letters either.

To this day, though, the music box rests on one of Buggy's most precious treasure chests that not even Alvida or Cross Guild can come close to, next to a bunch of letters he has carefully kept over the years. Shanks never knows if Buggy receives his gifts, but he keeps sending letters anyway. And Buggy refuses to respond to them, hoping Shanks will keep sending them nevertheless.

[coldfilipinoricenoodles]

Those Eyes...

Contains: Angst, Fluff ish, Crack, Cheating

Characters: Luca Kaneshiro, Ren Zotto, Fulgur Ovid, and a special guest

A/N: this is the dumbest shit I will ever write LMFAO. not proofread!

Luca Kaneshiro, mafia boss and cold-hearted, cold-hearted except when it comes to you. He would come back from work all bloodied up just to smother you with cuddles and kisses non-stop. He hated everyone who got in his way and that meant he hated many, but he could never hate you. 

Purple and pink lights flashed above you in the dark room with loud music filling the vicinity, “I’ll be right back. I’ll go get us some drinks princess,” Luca said as he kissed your lips as a temporary goodbye. You watched him walk away as a couple of familiar faces sat next to you at your table at the club shortly after he left. You observed your surroundings recognizing Fulgur Ovid and Ren Zotto. You raised an eyebrow at them wondering what was going on (A/N also wondering why nijisanji en’s fuckboys were all here lmfao:0) 

“What the hell do you guys want?” you said in a condescending way knowing Luca would be upset if they tried anything with you. 

“Chill out kid,” Fulgur started, 

“We’re only here to help you on what’s going on,” Ren added. 

“What… what do you mean?” you said as Fulgur’s eyes drifted over to the bar.

You looked over intently to see Luca… with a girl. A girl with short purple hair and blonde highlights.  He was standing right next to where she was sitting, resting his head on his palm looking at her with those same eyes. The same eyes that he looks at you with. The eyes proving that he loves you, or that he loved you at one point. 

You looked down at the ground with millions of thoughts going through your head: when did he stop loving me? Did I do something wrong? I should have expected this, I was never good enough. 

Ren put his gloved hand on your shoulder, “If you want us to ‘talk’ to him, we can,” he started. 

“It’s no use,” you replied with tears already flooding your eyes, “It’s probably my fault anyways,” you said in a near whisper. 

“Hey don’t-” Fulgur was interrupted by Luca's shadow looming over him. 

“The hell you think you’re doing?” Luca began.

“That’s enough,” you looked at Luca with tears in your eyes. 

Luca looked at you with concern in his eyes. His eyes. Those stupid eyes. Those stupid lying eyes. You looked at Ren asking if he could give you a ride home. He nodded. Him and Fulgur put their hands on your back and started walking until you felt a hand pull your arm back breaking you from the two boys’ grasps. 

“Please tell me what this is about baby!” Luca looked at you again with those damn eyes. 

“Are you fucking serious Luca?! God you’re just pretending that you didn’t just eye fuck that girl over there?!” you said with a shaky voice. 

“Pffft-”

NO WAY THIS CUNT JUST SAID PFFT. You opened your mouth to argue some more but were interrupted by Luca laughing. 

“HAHA ok then. ‘Side hoe’ come over here,” HE waved over the girl- oh wait.

You looked to where his hand was waving to ready to beat a bitch up and saw… Aster Motherfuckin’ Arcadia. You then noticed who the 'girl' Luca was looking at was...

“Oh my God.”

A/N: This is so dumb istg LMFAO its also 2:42 am so you know how I got this idea

[celabi]

The daily conundrum of trying to decide if sex with scummy Scara would be hot or if like bro would nearly bite my nipple or clit off because he tried to give it a light little nip but got to over-eager and just bit way too hard- Him being a raging virgin doesn't fucking help either cause it's like he has no clue what he's doing--

Like bruh I do not think I'd be able to trust him topping in any capacity- Bro would probably be the guy who slips it into the wrong hole halfway through and then just doesn't even notice- If not that, idiot would find a way to break his own dick somehow- Bro probably doesn't even know what lube is (that or he knows and was like "pffft that won't be needed") so his dumbass probably ends up tearing the skin on his dick or worse ends up giving his darling a tear internally-

THE AMOUNT OF SEX RELATED INJURIES OR ACCIDENTS I SEE HAPPENING IF THIS DUMBASS WAS A TOP IS INSANE, HE SHOULD BE BANNED FROM EVER GAINING DOM RIGHTS-

I don't even think he can be trusted with like masturbating in front of his darling- ESPECIALLY IF THERE'S TOYS INVOLVED- Like tell me this isn't the guy that darling has to call an ambulance for because his dumbass heard them ask him to use a dildo in front of them (without full instruction on how because they just assumed he knew and he didn't say otherwise because he was like "Oh yeah nah I got this") and he managed to get it stuck up there- Like he can't be trusted to do anything sexual on his own accord I fucking swear-

Oh and God forbid darling try to do anything involving BDSM- He'd mess that up even if he was subbing- Unless his darling knows what they're doing well enough to clue in on where to cut things off for him they're probably going to end up with his yes man ass passing out cause they choked him out too hard and he didn't bother to tap out when he should've- That or he ends up being very uncomfortably tied up because he got asked if the rope was too tight and the fucking nobhead, trying to impress his darling on how kinky he is, looked them dead in the eye and was like "Not tight enough"- Dumbass ended up with some real nasty rope burn and a lecture from his darling about how important it is not to go over his limits with this stuff-

AND THAT'S JUST FOR LIGHTER KINKS, GOD FORBID HIS DARLING GETS HIM INTO ANYTHING HEAVIER- Like fuck imagine knife-play/blood-play with his probably anaemic as shit ass???? He'd be a nightmare waiting to happen since he listened to the safe word talk and then decided "I won't be needing that"- Like you educate him thoroughly on his SSC's and he was like "I won't need taht I'll be fine" no the fucking nobhead was in fact NOT fine, he's just so SO stupid

Like he's such a fucking idiot with sex in my head I swear to god, I don't think he can be trusted with anything related to it- Honestly should be banned from sex lmfao- He's an absolute dumbass (affectionate)- He has to stay on them V-plates for a little while longer fr fr though-

OMGMSNSJS NO BECAUSE THIS IS SO TRUE 🤞 he’s so clueless and has no idea what to do, relying only on the porno’s he’s watched but even then, he can’t seem to do what he’s learned (idk he looks like a stuck porn kinda guy so it’s not really working)

Probably tried to finger your clit cause he was that inexperienced 😭

Anyways, after the first couple times with him, he slowly gets the hang of it and just fucks you properly. Ehhhh he’s just sitting there and doing what you say like a good boy 🤭

[davidsdussy]

•───────•°•❁•°•───────•

This is gonna be a Lil sumin. I was wondering, what would be some of the stupidest and funniest or even sweetest things these boys do? Welll let's find out. HAPPY NEW YEARS

•───────•°•Warning•°•───────•

Foul Language, just them doing stupid shit

sexual themes and smut AND FLUFF!

•───────•°•❁•°•───────•

David

𓆩 𓆪 David can be silly and goofy too, its not always serious we all know this. Man has natural crack hidden up his ass some here and its in there deep... Can't even reach up with ya foot.

𓆩 𓆪But one of the funniest moments with David is when he was minding his business. All up your sugar walls with his cock, no shame in the world. Just balls against booty, and Marko had threw a pizza into the slide of his face. The crazy part is how David didn't notice Marko's presence behind him. You watched as the pizza slowly slid down the side of His face and land in between your chest/boobs.

𓆩 𓆪 David was PISSED! But you? You laughed. It was too fucking funny, even with him balls deep inside you and a pizza on your chest.

"GET THE FUCK OUT YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!"

"Whoa calm down no need to get so hostile. I just thought I add a little Italian spice to your bedroom."

"MARKO!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Dwayne

𓆩 𓆪This serious big teddy bear is goofy too..mostly quiet but once you come at him with fun time such as poking him and saying you didn't do it a bunch of times.

𓆩 𓆪 so here you were poking him as he reads on the couch. Repeatedly! Once he was annoyed enough he'll just simply grab you hand and kiss it.

𓆩 𓆪"You done?" he'll chuckle at you. You see dwayne has a hell of a lot of patience I like to think even more so than David. Once you shrugged and claimed it wasn't you, he'll say"Oh yeah?" And then that's when the fun starts.

"MERCY! PLEASE HAHAHAHAHA!" Your laughter filled the lightly dim lit hotel. Be pinned under the long haired giant of a vampire, being tickled brutally. "Yeah? Gonna tell the truth now?" He'll smirk down at you as you nod "Alright alright! I'll stop poking ya!" You yelled out and smiled up at him before sitting up and kissing his cheek.

Paul

𓆩 𓆪we all know this man don't have hidden crack up his ass...he got crack in his peepee 🙄That mf goes up randomly and who better than you to go to for help. He'll always hug you from behind and rut against you slowly as he whispers filthy things in your ear.

𓆩 𓆪He's just restless, always grabbing for you but he can't help it. Not when you're standing there doing nothing looking all pretty. Even just your voice alone turns him on.

𓆩 𓆪You love paul, never the less. You'll do anything for your sweet puppy. But today you weren't in the mood. So you got an idea, Paul is a menace we know this. even his jokes be heartless a little. So..you did the unthinkable..

A rumble erupted on Paul, and he froze. Did you just?....did you just fart on his erection?!?! Instant turn off, whyyyyy!? "WHOA BABE, you could've warned me!"He backs up and whines. "I'm so sorry Pauly! I didn't m- pffft hahaha" you laughed and grabbed your lower abdomen from laughing so hard. You could hear David from across you two. "That wasn't an accident she's lying" he smirks trying to instigate."Y/N!? Is this true?!"

Marko

𓆩 𓆪Oh man...you thought Paul was bad. Wait till you hear how him and Paul were planning a prank on David. Nothing like annoying the true high king of skyrim.

𓆩 𓆪so here they were. Waking up early at tonight just to piss off the hanging human bat with crocodile feet. Paul started off by poking David awake. Like it was a serious problem happening

𓆩 𓆪Little did little David know...he's always gonna be the butt of their jokes...no matter what...

"DAVID! WAKE UP! MARKO IS HURT PRETTY BADLY!" David woke up quick, both concerned and pissed about what was going on. "What do you mean he's hurt?! What the fuck happened?!" Once he got his gorilla grippers off the ceiling and started running down the hall with Paul. And there Marko was..bleeding on the ground, panting and reaching out dramatically"it hurts.." And David was over there in seconds! Wait, oh no...he didn't get nowhere because the mf slipped on some oil Marko put on the floor purposely. Sending David sliding across the ground and into a wall. "PAHAAHAHHAHAHA!" The loud howls filled the hotel as David got up growling and slapping Paul and Marko in the back of the head. "YOU LITTLE SHITS!"

[giggly-squiggily]

Helluuuuu!!! Is it alright if i request lee kageyama and ler suga?

You can decline if u want ofc!

Heyo! Of course it's alright anon! I've gotcha covered! :D

Cloud 9 (Taglist)

@myreygn, @thatbigbisexual29, @duckymcdoorknob

“Kageyama, come here.” Suga called out, gesturing for the younger setter. “I have something to show you.”

The first year perked up- then immediately tried to hide it when he remembered Tsukishima’s offhand remark about him looking like a dog getting treats. Whenever Suga called out to him like this, it usually meant a new way to set or serve.

Sure, he had his own style mostly figured out by now, but that didn’t mean he was gonna pass up a chance to learn from his seniors. Also- Suga always brought goodies with him. Homemade mochi and milk candies he got from the candy store near his house.

Maybe Tsukishima had a point about the treats…

“Kageyama?” Oh- right. The younger boy shook himself out of his thoughts as he walked up, meeting Suga’s kind gaze. “There you are. Ready to see something neat?”

“Sure.” Kageyama nodded, trying for casual as he watched Suga get ready, volleyball in hand. Was he going to serve or set? Was it a new technique?

“Okay- here’s what I need. Raise your arms- higher- there we go, just like that! What I’m about to show you is how to set when you have no room to put your arms down, okay?”

“...Okay?” Kageyama blinked, unsure by what he meant. There was never more than 6 people on court, and everyone was usually spaced out- why wouldn’t he have room to put his arms-

Hands grasped his wrists from above. When he peeked, Asahi gave him an apologetic smile.

Oh.

Oh.

“W-Wait, hang on! You set me up! This was a trick!” Kageyama squirmed, already giggling as Suga slowly approached, fingers wiggling. “S-Suga, wahahait!”

“Hm? What’s that? Don’t wait?” Siga raised his arms high, giggling himself. “Eager aren’t we? Alright- here we GO!”

Hands found his sides, and Kageyama slammed his mouth shut to fight down the laughter creeping up his throat. He refused to laugh- REFUSED! He wouldn’t make himself look any stupider before the third years!

“I wouldn’t do that, Kageyama. Holding it in is bad for you.” Suga cooed, one hand working his ribs up and down while the other dropped to the younger boy’s waist- squeezing softly. “Don’t be embarrassed, let it out!”

Kageyama stubbornly shook his head, earning a chuckle from the others.

“He really is stubborn, huh? Alright then- you asked for it.” Suga winked before thrusting both hands into Kageyama’s armpits.

“MMPH!” The younger setter made a noise of protest, eyes widening and cheeks reddening with restraint. Then with a loud “BWAH!” he broke into laughter, knees wobbling as he fell back against Asahi’s chest. “Ahehahahahhahahahahaha! Pffft- ghehahahhahahahhaa! Shihihiihihihihihiihihit!”

“Oo, he said a bad word!” Hinata- where the hell did he come from?-appeared around Asahi, giggling as he watched Suga take down his friend. “Get his ribs! Do the poke thing; he’ll snort!”

“Ooh, good idea, Hinata!” Suga agreed, doing just that, prodding rapidly and rhythmically along Kageyama’s ribscage.

“SHuuhuhuhuht the hehehehell up boohohohohoke! Gehahahahhahaha, nohohohoohohoo *snort* don’t doohohohooho thahahhhahat! Suhuhuhuhuuhga plehahahahhahahhse!” Kageyama did in fact snort much to his embarrassment. Hinata cackled like a child, jumping up and down in delight and clapping.

“He snorted! He snorted! Do it again, do it again!” He cheered, squealing and doubling over when Suga shot an arm out, jabbing him in the belly. “Ahehehhe! Hehehey!”

“Hello to you as well.” Suga grinned, dropping to the ground with his hands hovering over Kageyama’s knees. “Are your knees ticklish, Kageyama?”

The setter- just barely catching his brief within the short break- felt his eyes widen. “N-No! Not at all! They’re not!” He tried to back them up, but he risked losing his balance, meaning he only gained a few inches of distance for one of them. Suga hummed, turning to Hinata.

“Are his knees ticklish, Hinata?”

“Will I get tickled for snitching?”

“Probably.”

“Boke, don’t you dare!” Kageyama growled, his glare ineffective on his flushed face. Hinata considered his options.

“I can’t remember.” Hinata announced. Kageyama let out a quiet sigh of relief. “But if you need help finding out, I can grab a leg!”

Traitor!

“Bring him down, Asahi!” Suga called, and just like that Kageyama’s butt was against cool gymnasium flooring- then his back as he sank, laughing hysterically as four hands grabbed his knees, squeezing and tickling behind them. “AHEhahahahahahhahhahaha! *snort* Plehahahahhahahahahahahse wahhahahahhahahit! It tihihihiihihckles toohohohohohoho muhuuhuuhhuuch!” He cried, feeling his chest start to tighten from lack of air.

“Hehe, okay okay- let him go, boys!” Suga called. The tickles ended, much to Kageyama’s relief. He gasped for air, tossing an arm over his eyes to hide as Hinata giggled nearby.

“Are you alright, Kageyama?” Asahi asked, gently prodding him on the arm. Tired, the setter could only offer a weak thumbs up, earning a smile from the older boy.

"Yehhehheah...whahhat was that for?" He grunted, shooting Suga a look. It wasn't like the older setter to start tickle fights- at least not this obvious anyway.

"Cause you're trying to act cool." Suga told him, a small smile on his lips at Kageyama's shocked expression. "I overheard you and Tsukki- you don't need to worry about how you express yourself around us, Kags. We love your excitement."

"It's just who you are. Like how Hinata's a ball of unyielding energy." Asahi nodded in agreement, smiling at the redhead. "Don't let Tsukishima's sass bother you, kay?"

"I...okay." Kageyama gave in, too tired to argue. His chest felt a little lighter- he hadn't realized how irked he was about that little comment afterall.

“Great- now that’s taken care of, we can move onto more important matters.” Suga stood, stretching out and offering a hand to the brunette. “Meet me in the locker room- I have T-R-E-A-T-S.”

Hinata lit up, and Asahi smiled. Kageyama almost cheered but then paused, confused. “Erm…why are you spelling ‘treats’?”

“TREATS?” Noya and Tanaka in the distance perked up. Suga sighed, holding his head.

“That’s why.” Suga sighed as Kageyama bowed his head, sheepish. “It’s alright- I packed enough for everyone.”

Thanks for reading!

[im-a-chunky-potato]

i just got a stupid idea

imagine someone asking Bram or Fyodor for history help

we all already know damn well that Fyodor had a hand in every historical event he was there for, he'd probably be helpful if he agrees

pffft

Fyodor would just brag about how foolish and weak the people in history were and its odd how we glorify them so much

Bram would probably just know all of the tea and random secrets on historical people and things he doesn't even realize are not common knowledge. That or he just says he was sleeping while that happened/j

[lorei-writes]

HC: Slavic Grandma at the mansion

I need a Slavic grandma to travel through the door and live at the mansion.

General

She treats all the residents like her grandsons, and refers to them in such a manner too. (Say, if she were Polish, it'd be "wnusiu" - little grandchild).

Each day she wakes up first. She cooks. A lot. And bakes. Which is not a problem, because it's good, but she makes sure everybody eats. Seconds are obligatory.

Grandma is old. She doesn't care about the lack of electricity, she's not afraid of hard work and it worries Sebastian A LOT. Her stamina is a thing of another universe - she can only laugh at his horrified face. She raised her children, and children of her children, and outlived her husband.

Attempt to sneak food out while she's cooking and she'll slap your hand with a wooden spoon. Grandma packs a punch... Through a spoon.

Vampires? Pffft, PLEASE. THEY ARE HER GRANDCHILDREN. Stop speaking nonsense right this instant, or grandma will diss you and all your family. She spends plenty time gossiping with other grandmas, she knows all the saucy details.

You coughed once? Prepare for onion syrup. No buts, drink up, buddy.

Grandma & The Residents

She calls Le Comte handsome and asks when he'll bring some girl for dinner. It is uncertain whether she means the girl will be the dinner, or the girl will be a guest, though.

Grandma is the oldest and thus the wisest in the mansion. Purebloods? Oh, her grandsons are being impudent again, she better get them some work to do, so that they forget all about those stupid ideas.

Comte has to refer to her per Grandma. He does it. There's no winning there.

She makes an effort to put a blanket over Leonardo whenever she finds him napping somewhere.

Punishment for coming home late is helping with chores. Lipstick stains on the shirt make for laundry duty - you bet that Arthur is an expert at washing stains out now.

Each day she asks Dazai if he couldn't use door like a normal person. If he carries any dirt inside, she makes him sweep floors. In the entire mansion. On that note: NO SHOES INSIDE.

She absolutely adores Vincent. He painted some flowers for her and she has them displayed in her room. She brags to everybody about how talented he is.

Similarly, she loves Isaac, and makes sure to bake an apple pie for him every now and again.

She drags Jean out of his room and teaches him how to make pierogi. He's clumsy, but it's okay, grandma still loves him.

She loves it when Mozart plays. She doesn't remember the names of his creations, but... She could listen to him for hours. He generally makes it a point to bestow some music upon her as she hangs the laundry.

She picks the prettiest fruit and vegetables, and puts them on the side - specifically so that Sebastian can eat them. Poor boy looks like he could use some good food and rest. She's really worried about him.

Theo carries things for her. She always comments that he won't find a girl if he continues on having such harsh tongue. That being said, he calls her grandma too - the one time he used a nickname for her, she made him help in the kitchen. His arms hurt for the reminder of the day.

[dotthings]

Disney Chief Executive Officer Bob Iger said Wednesday he will no longer tolerate his company’s partners and creative team prioritizing messaging over storytelling. “Creators lost sight of what their No. 1 objective needed to be,” Iger said at the DealBook Summit in New York on Wednesday. “We have to entertain first. It’s not about messages.” “We have entertained with values and with having a positive impact on the world in many different ways. ‘Black Panther’ is a great example of that,” Iger said. “I like being able to entertain if you can infuse it with positive messages and have a good impact on the world. Fantastic. But that should not be the objective. When I came back, what I have really tried to do is to return to our roots.”

Via CNBC.

Another day, another CEO saying something deeply stupid. Has this man watched a single Disney film???? Does he actually even understand the back library of the company he runs, let alone what to do with a vision for it going forward?

This is of course all coded anti-diversity. This is a catered response to the "anti-woke" who think it's "too political" to have stories that reflect the wide range of human beings who actually exist in the world.

Also the idea that entertainment and meaningful storytelling cannot co-exist is horrendously myopic and wrong-headed, and the idea that being inclusive is somehow not entertaining is also incorrect and very very anti-inclusion. Those were some patronizing words about Black Panther. Pffft yes Black Panther that's all well and good but that shouldn't be our objective.

Why? Why shouldn't it be your objective, Bob? Why is a film like Black Panther a bad objective, hm? Hm? Pffft who wants a story with actual MEANING. How boring ew kill it with fire. Ugh get those deeply resonant themes out of here, that has no place in entertainment!! Stop being so political, hdu let people who exist in the world exist and have voices in storytelling

[mable-stitchpunk]

Going Home in a Box: Chapter 78- Teaser

The Sun dove into the ball pit before exiting it into the entrance slide. Shortly after he clamored up and into the tunnel in front of them.

“Hellloooo~!” Sunny greeted. “Now there’s a familiar-…”

Sunny trailed off as he caught sight of the unfamiliar rabbit standing alongside Ennard. He stared blankly at him. His gaze piercing, and only partially blocked when Ennard bent over in front of the jester, his arms behind his back.

“Well, well. Hello, hello! A little birdie told me you had a run-in with Pinocchioh-heck-no,” Ennard joked.

This seemed to snap Sunny out of it, but his once welcoming- and slightly suspicious- tone became quickly filled with nervousness.

“Heh, yes. He was a little terror. H-He’s banned from the daycare, by the way. S-So, don’t get any ideas! Heh, heh,” he fumbled.

Thankfully, Ennard wasn’t nearly as oblivious as he pretended to be. “This is my best buddy, Michael!” he introduced.

“Hiiiiii,” Sunny greeted with a slow wave.

Springtrap was a little more blunt. “Hello, Sun. It is good to finally put a face to the name… I take it from your reaction that you recognize this suit?” He gestured at himself.

“Uh, sorta! I’ve heard some spooky bedtime stories about it. Heh heh, uh, y’know the golden bunny suit. Not looking so golden though, oh no. Never saw it myself.” Sunny’s voice faltered to something more hollow. “But I do know the guy who wore it is the one who put me in a trunk.”

Springtrap’s eyes widened at that. “…That’s horrifying. I am so sorry.”

“Wait, no, IT’S NOT HIM!” Ennard insistently denied. Seeing as his earlier introduction flew past Sun. He gestured his own arm at the rabbit. “This isn’t that guy! That Purple Guy! This is Michael! Mari’s brother!”

“O-OH! I recognize that name! That’s GREAT! I mean, I guess I shoulda figured you weren’t him. Marionette said he’s gone, sooo…”

It seemed like what Sunny was baiting was that he was still uncertain about the rabbit, so he spoke in his own defense.

“He is gone, but his suit remains, and here I am stuck in it,” Springtrap explained.

“How’d that happen?”

“Sheer stupidity.”

“Oh, come on! That’s not what happened,” Ennard defended.

“I cornered myself in a back room and thinking it would save me, I hid in a dry rotten, moldy and wet suit filled with sensitive springlocks,” Springtrap recounted dryly.

“…You’re not making a good case for yourself there.”

Springtrap gave him a look.

“…Ooookay, I stand corrected. But hey- we all do stupid stuff!” Ennard assured.

“Oh! Like that little prank on Chica! Mm-hm, that wasn’t too smart,” Sunny chimed in. Purposefully feigning innocence to guise the edge of smugness.

“Ha ha, oh Sunny boy.” The clown grinned down at him. “Don’t you make me follow you down that slide. I’ll do it!”

Of course, Ennard was only playfully threatening him- he knew what he was doing, Springtrap decided- but Sunny’s points retracted like he expected the clown to tackle him. The worst case scenario being him getting tangled up and stuck to this menace, and after he was tethered to a walking problem child mere days ago.

“Well, I know you two must be awfully busy. Speaking of which, whatcha doin’ here? I’m hoping- I’m guessing not to hang out in the daycare,” Sunny said.

“We’re looking for spare parts for Charlie. We gotta get her some feet before she wears her points down,” Ennard explained. “As a matter of fact, we’re looking for your spare parts!” He pointed at Sunny.

“Mine? Why- Why on earth would you want MY spare parts?”

“I thought they may be the closest we can get to Charlie’s body type.” Springtrap sized up Sunny’s form. He currently had one of his legs bent and the foot resting on the roof of the tunnel, giving him a slight look at his ankle and heel. He could at least see the sizing and guesstimate the rest. “And it looks like it may work with some adjustments.”

“Pffft, what? No! There’s a huge difference between Jingle Bell’s legs and my- Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying you two are gonna STEAL from the warehouse?”

“I consider it a severance package.”

“That’s right! Neither of us got our last checks. Heh, or a proper burial,” Ennard whispered the end behind his hand.

“Wellllll, I guess that's a reason. Between you and me, IIIII haven’t exactly NOT borrowed things that I can’t return,” Sunny admitted. Tapping his fingers and rolling his points. He then put his hands on his hips, an odd gesture when he was still in the tube. “But borrowing paint’s a lot different than going into the warehouse and snatching parts. It’s pretty dangerous down there! And the whole thing’s a maze, you’ll get lost!”

“Listen here, Mister Sun. The scariest thing in this place is me without my clothes on, and the most dangerous is me without my clothes on. All we gotta do is find a map and we’re home free!”

“…Please keep your clothes on in the daycare,” Sunny requested with uncharacteristic seriousness.

[dreams-and-drabbles]

Hello, hope ur doing well. If it's not a problem I'd like to request kazuha x fem reader who is insecure of her body, especially her flat chest and thinking she's not beautiful and womanly enough she doesn't feel worthy of him. And maybe how he comforts her about this. Feel free to ignore this. Thank u in advance.

I’m totally open to this idea, and thank you for the ask!!! Kazuha is so soft✨ I hope you enjoy the fic as much as I did writing it!

[F/N] tugged at her hair anxiously, her gaze drifting to Kazuha.

He was playing a song for the rest of the crew.

It was the Cruxx Fleet’s music night.

Kazuha almost always held the spotlight on such nights…

Red eyes met [e/c] hues, and his lips quirked up into a small smile, as his gaze fell on her.

[F/N] returned the smile, averting her gaze with pink tinged cheeks. Sometimes—

Sometimes she wondered why Kazuha stuck with her of all people…

She especially wondered on nights like these.

He had such a gift, so surely—

Surely he could do better than her?

She wasn’t exceptionally pretty or gifted, not like some of the other girls she’d seen try to catch Kazuha’s eye..

So why her?

She loved having him by her side, but sometimes…It just felt as though she was holding him back…

Kazuha was the type that deserved to stand in the spotlight.

Her being there—

She’d only end up casting a shadow over him, being as plain as she wa—

Kazuha’s face was suddenly in front of her’s, breaking her train of thought.

“The air around you shifted, love. You’re not doubting yourself again, are you?”

[F/N]’s eyes widened and she bit the inside of her cheek, averting her gaze.

“You should finish your song, Kazuha… Don’t let me distract you…”

She grumbled, guilt pooling up in her gut.

Kazuha frowned, shaking his head with a soft sigh.

“I see. It seems as though you were so lost in thought, you didn’t hear the rest of my song.”

The guilt increased at that, and [F/N] wilted,,before a light laugh drew her attention.

She glanced at Kazuha, her brows slightly furrowed.

He offered her a smile, before fondly brushing the hair from her face.

“It’s fine. I was only jesting, dearest. I’ve played that song more times than I can count. Now, tell me… What troubles are in that pretty head of yours?”

[F/N]’s cheeks burned at the compliment, before she sighed.

“That’s exactly it, Kazuha. I’m not that pretty… Hardly so, compared to some of the other women that like you… I’m scrawny and boyish, no boobs, hardly any curves, no womanly charm, and you…You’re such a star. I’m just… I feel like I’m holding you back. You’re a free spirit, right? Aren’t I just a shackle… in that sense?”

She murmured, fighting back the urge to cry.

There was no reason to be crying!

She was being stupid— This was all so dumb. Why’d she have to bother Kazuha with this? After his performance too—!

Kazuha’s hand cupped her cheek, and his voice came out softly, as he spoke.

“Look at me, love.”

[F/N]’s gaze trailed to his, and she took in the warmth of his smile.

“You’re the one I love, not them, and it does not matter to me how pretty they are, as they are not you. You’re the only one I have eyes for, [F/N]. You’re smart, funny, clumsy at times, and while you struggle, you also overcome. You’ll never be a shackle to me, either. You’re a home, [F/N]. You’re someone I can come back to, and someone I want to come back to. As for womanly charm, I think you’re gorgeous. You don’t need bust to be considered beautiful or womanly, if anyone tells you otherwise they’re selling something. There are cons to being busty as well, such as back problems and—“

[F/N] burst out laughing, pressing their forehead up against Kazuha’s.

“Pffft—! Thank you, Kazuha! Don’t let the Captain hear you say that— Heheheh! That’s—! Back problems… Where’d you even—! Pfft… Where’d you hear that?”

Kazuha’s answering smile was mischievous, and he pressed a quick kiss to [F/N]’s cheek, before whispering his answer.

“As it so happens, the Captain talks about a variety of different subjects when tipsy.“

[F/N] laughed loudly at that, clutching her side as tears stung her eyes.

“Oh my archons… You’re kidding? You’re kidding, right? You’re just teasing me… Pfft…”

Kazuha tilted his head, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

“You could always ask the Captain and find out, hm?”

[F/N] snorted, shaking her head.

“As if!!! You’re so silly, Kazuha. I love you, you know?” She murmured softly, her cheeks tinged pink.

Kazuha smiled at that, before pulling into a gentle embrace.

“I know, [F/N]. I love you, as well, so very much. There is nothing about you that I don’t adore. Your tendency to fret at times, for one, can be rather endearing. Although, I hope this helped to alleviate some of those more troublesome thoughts.”

[F/N] nodded, pressing her face into Kazuha’s chest with a small smile.

“Mhm… I’m not worrying right now..”

Kazuha hummed softly, running a hand through her hair, a small smile on his face.

“That’s good. If you could do me a favor and find me when you are, so that I can remind you how great you are.”

[F/N] grinned, laughing at his words.

“You’re so silly, Kazuha… I’ll take you up on that.”

Kazuha chuckled, pressing his lips to her forehead.

“I’d hoped you’d say that, Love. Silly as I am, I can’t seem to get enough of your company. You see, I’m a fool for you.”

[lover-of-skellies]

Ourple, bubblegum, babybel wrapper.

Topped with a friendly “I love you”

"Why are you so funny it's not fair"

"You are. Just so stupid. I admire you."

"Get in loser we're gonna go frolic through the woods"

-

Jsksks bruh, I dunno?? I'm just Silly™️ like that I guess XD

Me being stupid and you admiring me for it, pffft. Thanks, I guess? I'm,, well aware that I'm not always the sharpest tool in the shed, but eh. I'm having fun with it, so I don't mind

And hey! I'm down for some frolicking!! Let me get my coat and I'll be right out bestie /j

Also. Idk what's up with my ask box?? It's been formatting asks weirdly and I have no idea why or how to fix it. Stuff just looks like this now ⬇️ ((putting under a cut so it doesn't make this post longer than it needs to be))