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#a terrorization of my life and happiness
joyfulluminarypizza · 6 months
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Art by me
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Espero que le gusten a todos
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the-trans-dragon · 5 months
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The longer I am alive, the more my brain replays that scene in Lilo and Stitch where the scientist is watching Stitch fret around at night, and the scientist says something like, "poor thing, doesn't even have fond memories to keep it warm at night" or something
As a kid, I didn't realize how comforting memories could be, and I rarely had the luxury to create them.
I am glad I survived. It would have been easier, with fond memories to comfort me during painful times. I have many now, though, and they are indeed good company.
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galaxywhump · 7 months
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faislittlewhiteraven · 3 months
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Fai's Fic Ramble: The GorseTale AU (bare basics)
Ever since roughly... 2017 I think, there been a single Undertale fanfic I've been tapping away at and though it's nowhere near done or even organised enough for me to think about posting chapter 1 on A03, I recently posted a spinoff fic related to it called Eight Coloured Picture about the deaths of all the fallen humans and how some monsters each time were effected by their passing, and well.
I wanna ramble about the main story that fic comes from for a bit!
So.
Working Title: 'Gorse, Blackthorn and Buttercups' I also call it GorseTale in my head for short since Gaijin Goombah's rather fun video on why Undertale's Golden Flowers are most likely Gorse was a HUGE inspiration for the fic back when I started out (it's er changed quiet a bit since then but I'm keeping the flower vibes because Chara likes them and I did way too much research into both practical and symbolic uses for plants in the Underground for this fic not to use at least some of it at some point XD).
Core premise: Story is a Slice of Life/Drama AU set around Frisk being born in the Underground and taken in by Toriel right around the time of 'Undertale canon' (for Undertale Yellow fans, roughly a year or so after Clover's death), and through a series of domino effects stemming from that, various monsters of the Underground are confronted with the flaws of both themselves and their kingdom, and as a result start putting in effort to try fixing things so the little human child they've become so attached to can actually live their life to the fullest without fear of being murdered just for being born a non monster.
Aka: Toriel and Sans experience the joys and terror of co-parenting a child who only survives past the age of 3 because they have phenomenal cosmic power. Papyrus discovers the Royal Guard is NOT in fact something he wants to join (and accidentally becomes politically active in an effort to right by his new nibbling). Undyne takes some time to really rethink her career path and motives. Alphys somehow manages to turn former mistakes into miracles (oh and cures death maybe). Mettaton learns to take time off and share the spotlight, and finally King Asgore gets a surprising amount of hope in encouraging peaceful rebellion against his own accidental dictatorship.
Main cast: Rotates a bit since every major monster (and Flowey) matters in this and who's most in focus depends on the exact arc but Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, Chara and Frisk are the ones who I have the most planned scenes for since well, they're where the 'domino effect' starts.
Ships: Fic is pretty gen for the most part but leaning Undyne/Alphys, Papyrus/Mettaton (who knew all Paps needed to become popular was to openly try convincing monster kind that killing all the humans is wrong in front of a very specific underground star XD), and some very very very slowburn Sans/Toriel (is teased throughout the story because Sans IS Frisk's other parent Sans just means 'Dad' in Frisk speak and I find various Monsters' "Wait Sans has a kid- Wait Sans is married?!" reactions hilarious (Paps giving 'context' to why he suddenly has a nibbling to Undyne especially) but actual, real Soriel doesn't happen until near the very end because Toriel is Not Ok, Sans leans AroAce/Demi and both agree that while the odd kiss, hug or 'real talk' is fine neither up for anything more than that right now. Also Toriel has yet to get a formal divorce and er, she can't even think of him for much of the fic without wanting to set him on fire so... Yeah). Also considering Mad Mewmew/Asgore (because funny but also oddly sweet), and Mettaton trying to get over a crush on Alphys at the start (due to Mettaton's Winter Alarmclock dialogue reframing all of Mettaton's actions in canon in a whole newlight for me), but for the most part romance really isn't a focus.
Things to set it apart from every other 'Frisk grows up in the Underground' fanfic:
A LOT of worldbuilding focus on stuff how monsters get food and materials.
Toriel teaching everyone how Monster society was before the War vs now (aka lots of cultural trauma themes here).
More emphasis on how little Monster society these days really knows about things they really should given their Kingdom's plans.
Sans 'timeline trauma' getting tossed out the window for joining Toriel in 'worried parent' stress (hard to be upset about LOADS when they're specifically stopping a toddler you love from getting murdered).
Papyrus accidentally making everything better just because for the sake of his nibblet he can't back down.
FLOWER SYMBOLISM AND DISCUSSING THE UNDERGROUND'S VERY IMPORTANT PLANT LIFE!
Undyne having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus.
Mettaton having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus (and a passing mention of Napstablook).
Alphys not being fired post Amalgamite reveal making her realize she has in fact actually kinda created the cure for death (by 'Falling Down') or at the very least is only maybe three steps away from that and actually works on that alongside a bunch of other stuff with other scientists because working alone sucked.
Lots of focus on the humans who fell before Frisk because their lives mattered! and also the Blue Soul was Kris because damn if I don't feel the need to really hammer in Toriel's trauma caused by Asgore here
NarraChara and Napstablook being ghost buddies =D they suck at it but Chara will take literally anyone who can hear them for company and Napstablook feels bad about that
Snowdin being secretly a hub of human sympathisers! (None of them knew they weren't the only ones).
MONSTER RADIO and ANIME/WESTERNS ON TV!
Tems and the Riverperson mattering while still being true to their very weird selves!!!
Asgore learning that he DOES in fact have a lot of influence and that maybe, juuust maybe, that his screw ups were worse for his Kingdom than he already thought (don't worry Asgore fans, despite my having to write a lot of Asgore grr due to Toriel being a major character, saving him and showing how much he loves his people is a major goal of mine <3). He still f%cked up majorly though XD
Frisk dealing with, well, the stress of growing up in a place that says their death would make everyone (except their immediate loved ones) happy and constantly having to live in hiding/disguise...
Flowey being a murderous little shit but also not having reset power and both Frisk and Chara in his life again.
Undertale Yellow and Deltarune characters! Who probably won't be in focus a lot but they've helped me out a ton for fleshing the out my setting so I will 100% be giving them at least a little screen time to make up for that (like Amalgamate Kanako playing with Frisk, and Martlet and Noelle being VERY interesting in Papyrus's 'Lets not kill the humans' movement for reasons our main characters will eventually learn <3).
Oh and a huge amount of 'Unseen in game' areas I made for the Underground which include:
SnowDen: a 'town' of Dog and Rabbit made tunnels underneath the ENTIRE Snowdin region (connects to every dog sentry post, the 'Toby Fox secret area' and the 'very efficiently laid out' travel tunnels seen in canon Undertale). Generally requires those living there to get through given how winding and confusing the tunnels can get (all guideposts are puzzles made with scent markers...).
TooHot: basically a 'lethal lava land' housing district for fire monsters below general Hotland. Predates the Wat and is too hot for most non fire monsters to go anywhere near (the current name was given by Asgore though).
Cliffstop: a 'thin' vertical crevice monsters in New Home unearthed a while back that goes from from all the way to the very top of Mt Ebott down to the dark of the Abyss below (locals there call the top of the area Clifftop and the lowest safe for travel Cliffdrop). Gets a fair bit of sun and has flying room so it's popular with plant and flying monsters but the cliffs are very unstable so the bottom is covered in rope nets to prevent accidents. Most puzzles about the place are moving rope bridges, loading up vertical conveyer belts with the correct weights and 'light and mirror' puzzles.
Riverfolk Waterway and True Tem Village: settlements hidden deep within Waterfall's 'unreachable in canon' winding waterways. The former is a small inlet where 'Riverfolk' monsters like the Riverperson have a small collection of boathouses they dock at, and the later is exactly what is sounds like, with the 'Temmie Village' we see in canon being merely a Temmie trading outpost. Can accessed only by Riverperson boat or the Temmie's secret tunnels and is home to all sorts of cool things like the Temmie 'Colleg' and 'DEEP HISTORY mUSEEum'~ XD
WebbInn 'the Spider district': Mostly a giant communal spider web hanging Hotland's ceiling but also connected to a tunnel that goes up near Mt Ebbot's peak (the spiders have been digging upwards in hopes of getting a 'sunspot' they can use to advertise their 'sweet little town' to tourists). Has a... Very distinctive culture compared to the rest of the Underground and the 'puzzles' there tend towards being 'social' in nature (aka fey logic games where how you speak and act gets you directed every which way).
Starlite Strip: A little connecting area right underneath the path/cliff Monster Kid and Frisk see the castle while travelling through Waterfall in Undertale Canon. Not a big settlement on its own but something of a trading hub for monsters from New Home and the surrounding areas in Waterfall to buy and sell goods (also has a LOT of Royal Guard presence which is why absolutely no one in Undertale recommends it to the very human Frisk). Very sparkly but in a gentle 'crystals, glowing water and fire flies' kinda way.
And... Yeah. Wanna post a full script of what I've got planned so far but this post is already massive so will do that in a bit.
Will say though that the general ending plan for this fic arguably goes full fix fic with:
12-14 year old Frisk comes out as human publicly and goes through the entire Underground arguing their case (something the Underground has been publicly debating for the last 10 years or so thanks to a very motivated Papyrus and a wanting more ratings + genuinely interested Mettaton).
Undyne attempts to kill them but well, she's only going all out because she and Paps had a deal about this (he vowed that he'd defend any innocent human from her killing them so she could still go all out at her job) and Frisk knows that.
Mettaton gets to do THE biggest and most historically important interview in the Underground's history.
Asgore declares that the Underground will try out this whole 'everyone in the kingdom votes' thing on both the upcoming war and how they will treat humans living here because he wants to make sure he's doing what his people want (Mettaton asks what Asgore will vote but Asgore, finally realizing his own influence, refuses to say).
Asgore and Frisk spend a nice, if slightly nervously time together drinking tea and talking about the future while the votes are being counted. (Toriel and others may join them but mostly this is Asgore getting to know... the last of Toriel's adopted children she told him about the others when she asked for a divorce).
Monsters choose wisely because for all this fic is 'Monsters are flawed too!' they are good people and I want to make that clear <3
Cue Frisk publically trying to help break the barrier while being very alive...
Flowey pulling a 'God of Hyper Death' except well, he, Frisk and Chara maaay have discussed a bit of this beforehand (Flowey did want the souls and this would get him them), so er, the fight might be a touch more mixed with genuine anger and playfulness. Note: Still working out the exacts.
The human SOULs get brought back to life as monsters while Flowey gets a SOUL of his own and Chara gets enough magical matter to be visible to people other than Frisk (it required less waste of the accumulated magic, the soul of an additional human another girl falling into the Ruins was what got Frisk deciding to come out actually, the kids using a bunch of Alphys' furthered research on the interplay between Determination, matter and Dust, and breaking down the dead humans' bodies for enough 'compatible matter' to work with, and the destruction and repurposing of the Barrier but hey! Back to life! Or arguably Chara's case an upgrade to proper ghost-hood). Oh and the Amalgamates that want it are safely separated but not sure if that's a 'before no' thing or a 'here in this big finale' thing~ XD
And yeah. That's all of my 'extra happy ending just because I can' stuff the entire fic eventually builds towards. Will post all my planned scenes/'domino effect planning' some other time but for now I'm done.
If you liked any ideas in this feel free to use them please (I'm a slow ass writer and I write what I want to see more of in the world XD) and er, hope this was a fun ramble to read <3
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seawitchkaraoke · 2 years
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Simply cannot get enough of Scott, Pearl and Cleo in Last Life, their dynamic is simply outstanding, Pearl is So Sweet and gives Scott two lifes and you think awww look at them they’re so wholesome (and they are!) but truly? Pearl is absolutely here to murder, she sets up the entire green lifes club just to blow people up when she eventually gets boogey and when she tells Scott and Cleo it’s so funny like
Scott: ‘‘Where you gonna murder everyone here?’‘ (exasperated, disappointed but not surprised) Pearl: ‘‘Yeah! :)’‘ Cleo: ‘‘That was my plan too!’‘ Scott: ‘‘Oh.’‘ Scott: ‘‘...... was I the only one who didn’t plan to blow up the green club with our friends in it?’‘
It’s so funny, Scott is such a lovely man who just wants peace, he goes red from his boogey rather than betray his friends, meanwhile Pearl early on is like ‘‘Oh we can agree if one of us is boogey whatever happens happens right?’‘ and Scott is like ‘‘oh! that didn’t go where I thought it was going, I was gonna say I’d never kill you!’‘
Meanwhile Cleo allies with them after having been horribly betrayed, then immediatly turns red and when Pearls meets them when they’re just coming back from burning the fairy fort, literally burning inferno at their back so of COURSE she runs and Cleo is so sad about it like :(( awww bc obviously she’d never kill Pearl! (or would she?)
Like! They’re so sweet and wholesome, Pearl gives Scott two lifes, Scott gives Cleo a life, Scott turns red rather than betray them but ALSO it’s absolutely Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss, Cleo and Pearl have No Chill, meanwhile Scott just wants people to get of his lawn (he will shoot arrows and put lava in the walls to keep them away). And he’s frighteningly good at pvp so he usually does manage to Make People Go Away just by walking through the tunnel yelling at Grian to Leave.
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mishapen-dear · 2 years
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hello beloved writing mutuals, followers, and randos ive come to you all with a very important question and that is how. the fuck. do you write fluff without it twisting into horror. most fluff is supposed to have almost no existential dread in it right how do i take out the existential dread
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#sometimes. most times. if i cant articulate things properly i feel like my heads gonna explode. which is unfortunate bc i have the#language is hard brain problems. my neurology makes articulation difficult. but i try reguardless. which is sometimes. most times.#exhausting. that words gets thrown around a lot when i describe the patterns of my thoughts. exhausting. and it is i guess. tho id say its#more annoying and frustrating. but maybe its also exhausting. hard to tell when its how u think. but ive been reading a lot of papers this#weekend. enjoying the papers i read. papers about photosynthesis at the edge of habitability. about genetis and the structure and functions#of proteins. and the learning curve is steep but im learning bit by bit. and it just sorta makes me sad bc the way that my brain works has#so damaged the way that i interact with the world and i can see it at every step of my academic career. i dont even kno what to say abt the#past 2 years of my life. from where i stand now its just a black hole of self destruction. y did i do that? i dunno. at the time i was just#following the arbitrary rules and restrictions laid out for me within my head. did these rules have a rational basis? no. not usually. but#thats how it had to be. exhausting. but even then i coukd sometimes see thru to the wonder. and it was agony bc i wasnt allowed to think#abt it. its still agony now but i can feel it more often. maybe that's what happiness is to me. to be so full of wonder that i cant take it#i cant exist in that state or id b nonfunctional. its too big for my chest. it makes me want to scream and weep and pull at my hair. and#and its maddening bc i cant articulate it properly. except to call upon media short hands. there is wonder here. a nightmarish description#but not always. sometimes it was beautiful. theres a reason ive read annihilati0n 5 times despite hating the book. theres a reason i rewatch#the terror nearly once a month. to find beauty in a thing that causes you such terror and pain. theres something about it i can't find the#words for and its driving me nuts. exhausting. but so it goes#unrelated
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chanyoungies · 2 years
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IRIDAILY 2022 AUGUST SPECIAL EDITION (4 COVERS) // happy birthday @song-mingi !! ♡
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crabussy · 2 years
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fuck!!!!!!!!!
#i am falling apart etc#i can barely think and my brain feels like spiders#anyone else wanna crawl out of their body and leave all their memories and thoughts and terror with it?#on top of the shitshow that is being Robin Wood i have 21 other people in my head and theyre hurting too#and i cant fix it and i can barely help them and i dont know what to do!!!!!!!#i am 16!!!!!!!!! i still feel 13!!!!!!!!!!! and i am dealing with things that would make most adults crumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#'dealing with' is a stupid exaggeration because i am Not Coping#am i playing the victim. do i deserve to be this person. do i deserve to have this life. do i even deserve to be alive.#they give me EVERYTHING and i can barely give them anything in return#i am a changeling or a parasite but i am sure as hell Not A Person#people dont drag their loved ones down with them when everything goes to hell#people dont act like me. im not a person am i#oh god do i even deserve anything at all#am i just using my friends to leech off their happiness to feel happy myself??? i am so selfish#im sorry to anyone reading this. im subjecting you to my stupid self loathing and self pity#im sure im only doing this because subconciously i crave attention and pity and sympathy#god im such a fucking leech.#deleting this soon#god i feel like my entire body is full of tar and creeping rot and dark mold. am i even a person. am i even a person#sorry to anyone that sees this. i just. dont have anywhere else to go really#i cant go to my boyfriend no matter how much he loves me#that would be cruel. hes just a person he shouldnt have to deal with this. this is too much.#vent#vent tw#this post is ok to interact with#just please don’t reblog
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themoonsbeloved · 2 years
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Well. My cousin who is younger than me has found a stable job and is getting married literally in February. I am both in awe and terrified at how things work out for people so fast while I've been trying so fucking hard to get my life somewhat stable for the past 5 years lmao
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transvoxman · 2 years
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#god fucking damn it. i am giving in and making a vent post made entirely in the tags#whatever terror laserblast wouldve gone through if he decided to be upfront with POINT and not fake his death. im going THROUGH it#sure would be nice if people could be happy for me going on T. instead of reacting like theyre at a goddamn funeral.#me n laserblast are both very much cowards who care more about what others think than about being who we are#but *I'm* subjecting myself to coming out to people before T forces me to be out whether i like it or not#and its so fucking scary. i literally feel anxiety nausea 24/7 and start literally Shaking when i think about it#i can barely function from being so scared of how theyll react.#im literally financially independent and will be 100% safe no matter how they react!!! im just THAT scared of what other people think of me#and obviously i dont have anyone irl who is supportive and happy for me otherwise i wouldnt be venting on goddamn tumblr#nothing more heartbreaking than needing to go through something that im overjoyed about without being able to celebrate it with ANYONE#its also infuriating. i couldve been on T *years* ago if i had supportive people in my life.#i dropped out of COLLEGE because of dysphoria. i couldve had a DEGREE by now#transphobia takes so many possibilities away from people.#well im not letting it take anything else away from me. im not letting ANY amount of fear stop me anymore. people can fucking deal with it.#im not putting up the facade of my gender assigned at birth anymore.#no matter what happens next.#im trying so hard to genuinely believe it when i say 'fuck it im gonna transition no matter what' but anger is so difficult to hold on to.#it takes so much energy. its easier to just feel heartbroken about people i care about cutting me out of their lives.#well. itll get easier eventually. its just gonna suck more than anything else thats ever happened in my life first.
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aftermathing · 4 days
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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squaloropera · 2 months
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there are few things that bring together jaded thirty-somethings and eighteen year olds high on caffeine and lean, but I think the one (1) thing that does is 30/90 by Andrew Garfield. Like
36 year old man with a mortgage who gets an uncomfortable feeling of dread in the back of his throat when he sees how the things he loved as a kid are now relics of a dead past: Gettin’ older sucks, huh?
18 year old kid, shaking from adrenaline high and terror, watching as the blue ‘one’ and ‘eight’ candles on their cake burn down to piles of wax because blowing them out will make it Real, and they’re suddenly on the verge of tears because they’ll never be small enough to cry on their mother’s lap again and they can’t play in the mud anymore and they’re being thrown into something grey and void of rest, knowing that the years that they can spend getting drunk and spraying graffiti on buildings (already a failed attempt at prolonging youth) are running out like grains of sand in a relentless hourglass: Yeah :(
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monprecieuxx · 4 months
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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griddlegold · 5 months
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hello if all four times i have met you you have spent more than 30% of the conversation randomly bringing up things going on in your life and expecting all focus to pivot to that new thing so you can complain and feel heard (at the expense of everyone else getting to talk about anything else) and i have patiently joked along about the new "love of your life" (tiktok cosplayer) for several minutes, you can take two seconds to feign interest and ask a surface level question about the new actual relationship i specifically brought up
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barnbridges · 8 months
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its 5 am and my little teacher heart began crying because they instill into little kids in america that they might die every day for getting an education like what the fuck.
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