#a weight has been lifted off my chest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

otaku-tactician · 1 year

Text

My Sleep Paralysis Demon: An In-Depth Study

A few years ago, I posted an image of the goddess I saw in a dream. But actually, I have experienced a much deadlier presence during my sleep paralysis and dream episodes...a dude who has been consistently by my side for years (and has me convinced that I may actually be fucking insane seeing as he's still here). Say hello to the epitome of inner turmoil, my sleep paralysis demon!

This character has been haunting me for almost 8 years of sleep paralysis HELL!! He shape-shifts a heck of a lot into a shitload of different forms that he abandons on a whim, and recently adapted to look like another anime character but luckily he dropped that form XD However, he seems to like taking the form of one particularly popular character the most. That is also his default appearance- it's basically the knock-off version of a certain fate character (it will become pretty apparent who he's picked once you see some of his forms).

But anyway, this guy appears in a lot of my nightmares etc. Worst is when I'm in half asleep sleep paralysis mode, he becomes like a full presence that can talk and everything. Also, his presence feels like thorns that bite into the skin (pretty creepy).

First up is his first form. This form comes out whenever his favorite popular anime man disguise falls off, and it looks like a vampire cosplay.

Form One- Duke Megalovania Grimhield VI

Bro, even his name is fake.

This form is the one he takes whenever he wishes to sneer in my face in my dreams- like a 'haha KONO DUKE MEGALOVANIA DA!!' moment. This guy is smug and annoying, but that's actually just a way to cover up his hidden insecurities. He says he wants to be adored, dominant and loved by everyone.

Form Two- War Maiden

I don't know much about this form, other than the fact that she tried to give me psychological damage in a nightmare about my past that was completely inaccurate to my past (she made it all up?!) In fact, I did not even draw her properly (I forgot her hairstyle). This form loves warfare and battle, a complete military maniac. However this form was abandoned after only ONE DREAM. He only adopted this form to play havoc, but as it didn't work out; he abandoned her like a moldy slice of toast.

Form Three- Thirsty Angel

If he was on Instagram, he would be the KING of Thirst Traps. This form only appeared twice, mainly to inflict sleep paralysis trauma :(

He reminds me of Matou Shinji, which is definitely not a good thing. However, unlike Matou Shinji he does not have much of a personality. To him, his appearance and seductiveness is what reigns supreme to him. -.- I think he chose this form to try and deceive me, and it worked very well. He is a MASSIVE SADIST, he derives great pleasure from mind-breakingly skillful betrayal.

Form THREE POINT FIVE- Thirsty Angel is Actually a DEMON

This is another one of his 'fake true forms'- basically he reveals an alleged true form which ends up not being true at all. He is like a Matryoshka Doll. In this form, he grew a pair of black horns, and the scar on the right side of his face feels like sandpaper to the touch (it is very scratchy so be careful!)

This form of his is very insecure, like a 'little meow meow'. He mainly spends his time lamenting over his need to be loved and valued in this form- its a very melancholy side to him. He feels very self-conscious about his appearence in this form, and is worried that he looks ugly (if only he knew about monster fuckers). In addition to this, I would state that this form looks incredibly similar to a truly demonic terrifying beast form of his that is over 10 ft tall and has ridiculously long black nails (worst sleep paralysis nightmare ive ever had btw).

Form Four- 'I'M SLEEPY GTFO'

This is the form that he takes whenever he haphazardly pulls an appearance together. As he tends to focus on having his pussy pop as much as possible, this form is as rare a sighting as a blizzard in the midst of summer- blink twice and its gone!

In nightmares with this form, he is super grumpy and doesn't resort to his usual charm tactics at all; which gives the impression that this is what my sleep paralysis demon is like when he's sleepy and has no energy. This form is also extremely desperate, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his dreams and exert his innermost desires.

Form Five- Inner World Form

Whenever I do visual meditation, I see this guy. I cannot explore my inner world without seeing him nearby. On default, he takes the appearance of a certain anime guy, but oftentimes his demonic nature takes hold and manipulates his appearance into this slightly more malevolent exterior.

This is his most nonchalant form, most likely as a means of respecting my inner space. This form enjoys taking casual strolls by the beach, talking about life and sharing hugs. However, he almost trapped me within an abyss in one meditation episode, so he can't be trusted either (you'd never guess with how affectionate he can be in this form). dude i sound completely bonkers writing this

However, thanks to him...meditation is pretty hard to do sometimes.

Form Six- Deity Form

This form is really surreal. His main symbol is that of the grape (and its for reasons that are too absurd for me to disclose). Despite being a shining deity, he is incredibly mysterious and evasive, so it's hard to get to understand him. He also roasts like hell in this form, and can be pretty cruel (well he is the same existence as the others, after all). ALSO THAT OUTFIT!!! HE IS BASICALLY COSPLAYING AGAIN!!!

TRUE FORM- ULTIMATE DEMON

This form makes it pretty clear what Fate character he was inspired by...it is the greatest shame of my life to know that my sleep paralysis demon has exactly the same favorite character as me XD

This form is the ultimate cumulation of all of his other forms. In this form, he is dominant. He doesn't worry about being unloved or neglected. He turns on the charm to a bedazzling degree. However, actually that is not true. He is every bit as insecure, possessive and controlling in this form as he is in all of his other forms. This grand appearance is nothing but a filter for him to cover up the pain that he goes to such great lengths to avoid. This guy works really hard to control how he is viewed- to even the most minute details.

Basically, in this form; he DOES NOT WANT TO BE PERCIEVED AT ALL. Just to be admired and desired, to rule over others. That is the true function of his ultimate sadistic form.

Also wow his hair is super long! And his horns are massive! And his high heels are actually made up of three massive spikes. YES, HE WALKS ON METAL SPIKES.

In order to make sense of his two main appearances, I made a guide to showcase his deity side and demonic side. Those are the sides he likes to swap between whenever his main disguise as a certain anime character fails him. However, sometimes he can appear as just light and a shadow as well.

And then finally, here are some forms that he used only a few times for the sole purpose of being the worst sleep paralysis demon to strike my nightmares :(

Form on the left- some guy with white hair that pretended to be an angel soulmate

Dude in the middle- used for a nightmare

Dude on the right- WHO IS HE!

I hope you enjoyed my sleep paralysis demon showcase as much as I did ^^

UPDATE: NEW FORM UNLOCKED YEA BABEY

#artists on tumblr #sleep paralysis #demon boy #demon oc #angel art #personal #sleep paralysis demon #illustration #LMAOOOOO this post is not very sane but i feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest for making it #the dank archives

5 notes · View notes

aegann · 2 years

Note

3, 8, 11, 12, 14, 47, and 58! dealer's choice of ship, and also hi this is rxttenfish, i am just trapped in sideblog hell

I'm going to answer with both of Ash's "ships" (I use the term relationship much loosely than most people I've found out)

Under the cut because this response is QUITE long (could be longer but I'll go insane going into too much detail, I can always answer follow up questions in the future lmao)

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

For Ash, they are ABSOLUTELY too small compared to their partners for the other to wear their clothes. Something about them makes me want to pair them with people twice their size.

For Noi… her clothes are too caked with viscera or too feminine for them to be appealing enough for Ash to want to steal. Though they ABSOLUTELY would steal one of her hoodies (if she had one), and she would love seeing them wear such an oversized piece of clothing - I’d suppose it’s like seeing a poor tiny sickly dog wearing a child’s sweater.

ACTUALLY THROWING THIS IN AT THE VERY END Noi absolutely steals and wears Ash’s glasses and she looks so cute doing it, but every time she forgets that putting on their glasses gives her an awful headache, guaranteed.

Ash absolutely will steal Jotaro’s jacket if they can, especially because of how much attention he gives them when they do it (even if it’s negative attention); though they’ve learned the hard way to not mess with his hat unless he gives permission otherwise. If they’re in a relatively public place and Ash is melting down due to a traumatic flashback or a particularly difficult/close fight, he’ll offer his hat to hide their face in, since Ash REALLY hates it when people see them upset and it’s the way he personally calms himself down (and it keeps his shirt clean from tears and snot).

8. What happens if one of them gets sick?

I haven’t really thought about this much tbh. I’m not even sure if Noi is capable of getting sick due to her magic

Ash however would be the most overbearing caregiver - all they want is attention from other people, and with someone being sick they have a captive audience. Even someone who is clingy might find them overbearing. I’d imagine that it would get to the point where Ash gets sick themselves because they were too close for too long, and they don’t exactly care about their own health.

Jotaro has a pretty short chain for recieving affection (especially physical affection, which Ash gives a lot), especially when sick I’d imagine, he would get overstimulated quickly and kick them out for a few hours lmao

11. Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?

Ash usually hides their emotions when upset on account that they dislike asking for help (despite being attention-seeking, they want the attention on their terms), wanting to be as self-sufficient as possible; even if it leads to self-destructive behavior like substance abuse or socially isolating themself. Their partners are usually unaware enough to not be able to tell when they’re upset, unless they are literally in tears breaking down.

However, Ash is also very very good at reading peoples’ emotions, mostly so they can figure out how to gain their trust or get a rise out of them.

Noi doesn’t hide her emotions at all, and though she doesn’t get upset often she will simply find a quiet place to calm down, or cling to the first acquaintance nearby. Ash is very quick to calm her down since they don’t like seeing her upset, even if they have to come up with a lie to do so.

Jotaro is a champion at hiding negative emotions. He is already very difficult to read emotionally when he isn’t upset, but the trauma of losing so many close friends (and nearly losing family members) on his way to Egypt made this 500x worse; he would rather shut down than deal with anything that makes him feel grief, to the point he will even push away his own wife and kid if he thought it made them even remotely safer.

A large part of the reason any and all of his relationships are/would be touch and go (even with Ash, who eventually finds out about Everything) is because of this; nobody can force him to deal with his own issues, and he will often isolate himself with his work for weeks or months without warning because of this. Even though Ash tries to help him when they can, they know they can only do so much and also respect the terms of their weird relationship with who might as well just be their colleague.

12. Do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over?

WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS ABOUT TO POST THIS ASK AND I SAW I SKIPPED THIS QUESTION I’ll keep it short, for my sanity.

Ash and Noi, no they don’t get into heated arguments. Noi doesn’t get pressed about ANYTHING and if it’s any kind of conversation that they can’t agree on a resolution to it’s always Ash who is walking away steaming. Things between them kind of get ignored eventually rather than resolved but it’s not nearly enough to threaten their relationship.

With Jotaro… Fffff Ash definitely has some pretty intense arguments with him, all for his sake, but he’s not really the one to get heated, he can kind of just walk away. The one time Ash forced him to talk, it got the two of them into a ton of trouble (something I’m going more into depth in another ask lmfao), and it did take them a long, long time to resolve that. Always smoothed over by short and calm apologies, sharing a drink or a smoke together and eventually talking until they both fall asleep.

14. How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

I COULD WRITE NOVELS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT’S ALL I THINK ABOUT BUT I’LL (TRY TO) KEEP IT SHORT

So… Ash and Noi… pretty much the archetypal brains and brawn, though both of them can be impulsive and not very perceptive, leading them to get into some pretty dumb situations. Ash can’t do much by themself, because even with their uncanny ability to read and manipulate people, they don’t have much leverage; but with Noi around, she is a powerful magician, not to mention also a nearly 7 feet tall brick shithouse of a woman - even if she’s not being threatening directly, her sheer presence makes Ash much more influential, which they both LOVE and hate. Ash faced a lot of neglect when they were younger, as a social outcast, and this causes them to constantly seek attention, constantly finding ways to get people to listen to them, whether that means they talk loudly to strangers or being rude. Noi is completely oblivious to either of these things, and just generally wants to protect loved ones she sees as weak (which, Ash really hates being seen as weak).

The two don’t argue much at all, but that does lead to some issues. Ash doesn’t like dwelling on negativity, and Noi doesn’t think seriously about anything at all; sometimes Ash does get frustrated when they’re trying to describe a sensitive situation to her and she misunderstands it or doesn’t want to engage with it mentally. Noi doesn’t get upset about anything, even if something bad happens to Ash, and that irritates them (because in her mind, if anything goes wrong she can just heal or forget about it… she is a bit spoiled).

Ash and Jotaro look a bit the same visually, but both are really smart (maybe too much for their own good lmao). It’s actually quite scary how much the two match up + are foils of each other considering I did not make Ash for the purpose of pairing with him lmao. The two definitely hit it off by both being kind of isolated weirdos, for their own reasons, smoking together at work (by at work I mean they were both in graduate school lmao). Jotaro’s lack of expression and extreme tolerance of weird people combined with Ash’s uncanny ability to read emotion and being able to talk for hours without expecting conversation kind of stuck them together. They also have a lot of emotional baggage they halfway-help the other with (in a platonic, but eventually co-dependent way until Jotaro kind of cut both of them off for their own sakes). Also like, they both definitely enjoy biology more than people, this counts as a personality trait. Most importantly, they are both generally mean/rude people who don’t mean to be, they just try to do good but can’t for whatever reason.

Like I said earlier they also weirdly foil each other a lot; firstly, Ash is kind of just pathetic all around especially compared to Jotaro: physically they’re completely non-threatening, they’re not as easy on the eyes, they had a hard time economically due to getting kicked out of the house at 18 and living in a van for a few years, and even when they get a Stand it’s almost completely useless… and Ash really doesn’t like being seen as helpless, but it’s hard for them to NOT seem that way with such juxtaposition (really all they have over him is they don’t have an estranged wife and kid lmfao). Also, as I said earlier, Ash is just an affectionate, impulsive person while Jotaro is very much not, not that he actually minds touch that much as long as it is mindful (and if he doesn’t want to be touched, he gently swats Ash’s hands away, and they don’t take it personally) but if Ash wants attention they kind of just have to find some way to get it.

I could maybe go into more detail about both but I might go insane talking about it at length, lmao.

47. Does either of them have a secret that could potentially ruin their relationship?

Ohhhh yeah OHHHH YEAH.

The entire point of Ash’s character (at least, original Ash. They were originally made to be a Dorohedoro self insert lmao) is that they are a human who’s pretending to be a sorcerer in order to study them - to the point they surgically mutilate themself just so they can run a miniature lighter through their arm out their finger, in order to masquerade as a fire magician. However… Noi is a very, very oblivious and short-sighted person (maybe even literally, it wouldn’t surprise me), and Ash is able to have a close and happy (platonic) relationship with her despite being human.

Eventually when the two start crossing certain boundaries, Ash considers how much longer they can, or should, keep up the facade (possibly the first time they consider their morals regarding their relationships with other people). Noi works right under one of the most powerful sorcerers, she could easily get away with so much if this lie made her upset. I wonder how it turns out for them :)

(Ash and Jotaro are in another ask)

58. Who’s more likely to hold a grudge after an argument?

I haven’t thought much about this, since I don’t really hold grudges much IRL, but I think Ash would be a bit petty after an argument. They definitely want closure and some sort of acknowledgement or apology afterwards (if it’s with someone they care about that is: they piss off strangers all the time and don’t fuckin’ care). I don’t think it would be something they would milk for attention (again: they want attention, but only if it’s entirely on their own terms), and they don’t really enjoy dwelling on negative things… but they’re still kind of an annoying bitch about arguments sometimes, maybe even in a playful or obnoxious way.

Noi straight up would never hold a grudge. She greets people joyfully even if said person tried to kill her previously. These ask prompts are making me realize she’s a very simple, straightforward character and I’m okay with that lmao. I don’t even know if Ash COULD hold a grudge against her, she’s too peppy about everything for them to stay mad at (maybe to both of their detriment???).

Jotaro doesn’t really… hold grudges, but he is very bad at apologizing; not because he’s an asshole (well, sometimes he is), he’s just really REALLY bad with words, especially under pressure. He’ll especially be bad apologizing if someone’s accusing him of something he didn’t do or had no control over (which especially pisses him off), it might take him an extra long time to formulate what he wants to say as to not say the wrong thing. If Jotaro hasn’t settled stuff with someone and he sees them he is leaving that situation so god damn fast he will come up with any excuse to not deal with that until he’s ready. Ash used to be VERY insistent and annoying about getting him to talk things out with them ASAP, but then learned (the hard way) that it will just make things way worse if they rush things along.

#ask #ash #aeg's oc tag #noi dorohedoro #jotaro kujo #selfship #self insert #oc x canon #drhdr #jjba #screaming because this reminded me i am NOt a writer it takes a lot of steps from my brain to the keyboard to write all of this down #but thank you for all the asks i feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest writing all of this LMAO #i have a lot of thoughts about fictional characters can u tell

6 notes · View notes