#never felt so heard and understood by a song at the perfect period of my life before

[evilbubu]

nobody cares but i just want to say thank you to twenty one pilots song; next semester for giving me the strength to drop out of University after it absolutely crushed me mentally, emotionally and physically. So, thank you. I'll try again, next semester.

[pardonmydelays]

"i don't think i'll ever understand musicals the way you do" is something i've heard from one of my friends a couple of days ago when i told him i'm about to cross the whole country just to see one of those (my favourite one!) live in theatre. and i can't blame him. if you'd have told me a year ago that i would do something like that, i'd probably have laughed in your face. life is so unpredictable. i guess i have changed a lot. and i could write thousands of essays about how musicals helped me get through the shittiest period of my life, but we are not going to talk about this today. today we are talking about in the heights, the first musical i got a chance to experience live in theatre, hopefully not last. so grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable, this is going to be the longest essay you've ever seen, friends.

a little warning: spoilers. a lot of them actually. so if, by any chance, you haven't seen/heard it yet and you are going to, don't read it.

first thing i feel like i need to mention is that they had this mini bar inside the theatre and you could order a lot of different drinks there and one of them was called abuela's coffee. i heard one lady explaining to someone that it's actually coffee with condensed milk. my jaw dropped and i was like CAN I STAY HERE FOREVER, PLEASE? for those who don't understand why, here's a quote from the first song:

USNAVI: abuela, my fridge broke, i got café but no con leche ABUELA CLAUDIA: try my mother's old recipe: one can of condensed milk

so this was my first "OH! THEY GET IT!" moment (a little note here: i had a lot of oh, they get it moments, mostly because i don't have any people around me who understand musicals the way i do... honestly, you'd have to live inside my brain). that was the first time ever when i could actually be in the room where it happens with all those people who get it and care about it as much as i do (mostly actors and people responsible for the whole show tho, but we will get to this later).

let's get to the show. so when i finally went inside and i saw the stage, i already had tears in my eyes (don't judge me please). usnavi's store, abuela's door, daniela and carla's salon, all those puerto rican, cuban and dominican flags (one couple behind me was trying to figure out which one is which and it was funny because i knew and i wanted to scream)... listening and memorizing the whole soundtrack is one thing. being able to experience it all live is something else. all those things around me were so familiar and this was the first time in months (MONTHS! OR EVEN YEARS!) i felt really understood. after all, it was all like a little celebration of lin's story (the one i love with all my heart) and i truly felt like home. so that was another OH! THEY GET IT! moment.

i don't think i'm going to talk about every single song here, that's not the point. i will talk about my favourite moments, but also about things that didn't work very well in my opinion (again: this was a polish version so all the songs were translated into polish. and they did a really great job here, surprisingly. but it wasn't perfect, more about that later).

one thing you need to understand is that i will never be normal about musicals so of course i had to burst into tears at the very first song (i don't even know why, i think i was a little bit too excited). i was actually crying in the most random moments like when i first saw nina or at the end of carnaval del barrio because I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT (who the hell cries at carnaval del barrio when everyone is having the time of their lives lol, me apparently).

ok, so the first song. the choreography, oh my god. it was everything. the translation was also pretty good here, i need to say this was probably one of my favourite moments. imagine me leaving today giggling like a child when usnavi came on that stage and started rapping, i was in heaven. also, i have to admit, the cast was amazing. i could never imagine anyone better for this role (and again, i am talking about polish actors because everyone knows who's the best usnavi of them all). he was cute and charming and awkward and so adorkable and also really handsome. he was actually perfect in my opinion.

i kinda lost my mind when i saw nina for the first time. first of all: i already knew who was going to play her and let's just say i fell in love with this actress before i even saw her live on that stage. this was important to me, because (as some of you know) nina rosario is my favourite character. and oh my god, she was an absolute perfection. what a voice, sweet jesus. i'm being serious, this girl is so talented, give her every award (i honestly hope i will have a chance to see her again one day, i'm just crazy about her). and breathe was so good! polish version was amazing, i was so scared they would screw it up, but they didn't, so all's good (this song is very important to me, ok?). also, she's a phenomenal actress, i could feel all her emotions for real. and of course i cried, what did you expect?

i don't have that much to say about benny, except that he was really cute and he had amazing chemistry with nina, so once again, the casting was really good. i mean, he is not chris jackson of course, but i have decided i'm not going to compare all those actors because everyone knows at this point how much i love OBC, i was trying to have an open mind. vanessa was also pretty great, amazing voice and her dancing skills, wow, just wow. i could talk about all those actors for days actually, but i'm not going to do that, so i will just quickly mention that i absolutely loved daniela and carla, abuela claudia made me cry, sonny was the funniest character in the whole play and i don't think i will ever recover after piragua guy's performance (i was the only person in the audience who was laughing when he came on that stage, they don't get it, ok? polish people have no sense of humour and that's a fact). actually, there were a lot of funny moments (obviously) and i was the only person who was laughing, god help me.

so let's get to the first thing that was a little disappointing for me. you will not believe it, but it was actually... 96,000 (this is one of my favourite songs and i seriously can't live like this). it's not the translation tho (it was honestly fine), it's the voice overlapping part at the end (again, the best thing ever, just listen to we don't talk about bruno from encanto and non-stop from hamilton and you will understand why it works so well in every lmm's song). the thing is, you could actually only hear vanessa's part and i wanted to die, because EXCUSE ME. i always sing usnavi's part and you could barely hear a word from it. but apart from that, the rest was fine, the choreography was amazing and it's just something i needed to mention because i had thoughts about it.

paciencia y fe! ok besties, i have thoughts, again. abuela claudia was absolutely incredible, also, her relationship with usnavi is something that you can't see in the movie version (they were so sweet i wanted to curl up and die. i knew about it before, i saw slime tutorial with obc on yt, ok? i'm pretty sure lin would be mad at me for watching bootlegs lol. i just wanted to say this). the translation didn't work out at the very end of the song tho, because when in the og version abuela sings about the "winning ticket", everyone knows already she won the lottery. i don't remember polish translation exactly, but it was something with double meaning, depends on how you interpret it, and i'm 100% sure people who didn't know the plot just didn't catch it. the rest of the song was absolutely beautiful tho.

when you're home. i was so afraid of this one, because i am totally crazy about this song (did i ever mention lin wrote this one after one of his first dates with vanessa? no? yes? ok i'll shut up about this now). oh, they did a really great job with it and it's a relief. i have nothing else to say, except that i was crying like a baby, but this song always makes me cry so what did you expect exactly? one of the best moments for sure. again, nina and benny's chemistry was absolutely incredible.

as much as i loved the club, i was actually really disappointed with one part, which is usnavi's famous "jealous i ain't jealous, i can take all these fellas, wHaTeVaaaaa". i've been waiting so long for this! and they messed it up with their stupid cringy translation which i don't even remember at the moment but usnavi was actually mad at benny and he cursed? ANYWAY. the rest of the song was great and the choreography was absolutely phenomenal, oh vanessa! let me get the next one! (i love her so much, she was amazing here). a little note from me: no one was laughing at the "no hablo ingles" part, NO ONE BUT ME!!! THEY DON'T GET IT! WTF! i was so mad (i am aware of the fact that most people probably didn't even know this story before and they just wanted to see a musical, not THE MUSICAL, which is totally fine. but sweet jesus, where is their sense of humour? they left it at home or what?).

and blackout was that part where the voice overlapping effect worked very well, so all's good. actually, one of the best moments for me as well. people were actually so confused when all the lights went down, but that was just so amazing. all the panic! everybody was screaming, crying! WE ARE POWERLESS! THE END OF ACT I!!! oh, i had the time of my life.

i had this weird feeling that they didn't exactly know how to translate most of hundreds of stories so they just made this song shorter than it actually is. which is fine i guess. honestly, it's better than bad translation, so i can forgive them. what i absolutely can't forgive tho is that the audience wasn't laughing at US NAVY. polish people, you have no fucking taste. i said what i said. and then again, usnavi and abuela's relationship was so sweet this song actually made me cry (mostly because i knew what was coming but also, i was just this weird girl who was sitting there in the second row and was crying at the most random moments).

ok, guys, honestly. carnaval del barrio was the best moment from the entire musical. oh, how much i want to experience it again! daniela was absolutely incredible, carla was so sweet, piragua guy stole the whole fucking show for me (seriously guys! he was just so amazing!). also, those little details i have never noticed before? i can't even tell if the same thing happened in the original version (the quality of that bootleg is actually terrible), but benny dancing with american flag somewhere in the background was so fucking funny and i don't think i will ever get over that part where at the end they were all still dancing and celebrating and nina and usnavi just ran away as fast as they could because... because you guys know what just happened. also, this is the moment i started crying.

i was so scared of it. let me tell you one thing, i experienced abuela's death at least fifty times and i still cry every single time. so atención is something i have to mention, because all the emotions and kevin's shaky voice made me burst into tears right away, and this time i wasn't the only one because i saw a lot of people crying when they realized what happened (i also heard a lot of OHs when he said abuela passed away, so yes, most of them didn't know this story and they were surprised). and alabanza was something else. believe me when i tell you i am writing this with tears in my eyes, i have never cried so much in public. this was the moment i was the most scared of and i was absolutely right because holy fuck. i was a mess. all the actors with those candles singing alabanza a doña claudia! (yes, they didn't translate it, all the spanish parts were left like in the original version and i am so grateful for that), it was just so sad and so beautiful. and this time i was actually like oh, they get it now (everyone was speechless and people were crying).

everyone must know at this point how much i adore champagne and i wasn't disappointed (thank god!). once again, usnavi was absolutely adorable here and people were actually laughing this time (also thank god!). how do you get this gold shit off? (my favourite line from the whole musical) was translated really well and the moment when usnavi and vanessa kissed! with all lights on them! this was so emotional and the audience reacted so well! we were all clapping (it was so funny to pretend like i didn't know it was gonna happen haha i was just as excited as all of them and once again i was like OH! THEY GET IT!). 10/10, would recommend.

if you think i wasn't crying during the last song, think again. one thing i absolutely hate about the movie version is that they actually changed the graffiti that made usnavi stay in washington heights, but i'm not gonna talk about that and i'm not gonna talk about vanessa also being there in the movie. in the original version it was a portrait of abuela claudia made by graffiti pete and oh boy, i lost my mind (i knew about it but i still lost my mind because it was absolutely beautiful). i got the feeling it was a little rushed in our polish version, but i can forgive them because it still made me cry. also, at the very end, usnavi did not only finally acknowledge he's home, when the song was over he pretty much told the audience that we are all home right now and may i just say... i felt that. i was home. they made me believe for the first time in my life i was where i belong, and somehow that was everything.

one thing about me is that this is actually all new to me. this was my first musical i saw live in theatre (and also lin's first child, which is exactly how it was supposed to be i think), and believe me when i tell you i've never had this much fun in my entire life, not even at all the concerts of my favourite artists. it was worth every money. it was worth spending 11 hours on the train and 11 more on my way back home, which by the way we should normalize (people are doing crazy things just to see their favourite artists on the stage and it's considered normal, so why can't we consider THIS normal?). anyway, i don't expect anyone around me to understand it the way i do, but i feel like i really found my thing, and it's all because of lin-manuel miranda, our beautiful puerto rican genius. he made me believe musicals can be cool and i truly wish i could thank him for that one day.

and like i said, in the heights is my favourite story with my favourite characters and i listened to it so many times i have memorized all the little details. experiencing it live is something completely different tho and i think it's safe to say this was the best night of my entire life. even tho most of the people in the audience didn't really get it, i finally felt like i was a part of this world created by my favourite genius and for the first time ever i felt understood. so i think i can say that now: i found my island, guys, i'm there, i'm home!

[colorseeingchick]

Valentine’s Affections (Kageyama, Oikawa, Kuroo)

I adore Valentine’s day! Love is in the air and chocolate is in my stomach. But for you and these boys? Well... it’s a lil more complicated than that. 

A/N: We are going to completely ignore the fact that valentine’s day was a full 3 months ago. Love is always in the air on this blog !

Warnings: Light swearing? Maybe? Lotsa fluffy stuff beware cavities. 

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama stares hard at the vending machine in front of him. Now, this was far from a new situation he found himself in- he found himself in front of this very vending machine every single day. But the stakes were much higher this time.

Strawberry, or chocolate? Which would be a better gift? 

Early on he decided against chocolates, cuz it felt too obvious. He opted out of a note, cuz he wasn’t articulate enough for that. And for the same reasons a verbal confession was completely out of the picture. So here he was, in front of the vending machine, hoping you would accept his love, or at the very least, the milk carton as a token of it. 

He decides on the strawberry milk, because the pink carton color reminded him of hearts, so he was hoping his love message would be real clear!! 

As he approaches you in the gym, he feels the nerves stir in his stomach. You’re surrounded by the other first years, excitedly chirping at Tsukki and Yamaguchi while Yachi and Hinata jump up and down around you (for what reasons, who knows) now that clean up is over. The second and third years weren’t that far away either. But he knew he’d have to do this sooner than later. 

Kageyama stands pensively behind you at a slight distance, awkwardly shifting weight back and forth between his feet. Finally, he finds the guts to call out to you. “Y/N...san.” Alright, maybe it was more like a mutter. No one had heard him, but Hinata had noticed his presence. 

“Kageyama! There you are.” 

All eyes shift to him, including yours. The heat rushes to his face as he hides the milk behind his back. “Boke! What do you want!” He only gets redder as his eyes meet yours. 

“Y/N-san!” He yells a bit too harshly. But you don’t flinch, you just smile. “Yes, Tobio-kun?” Gah, your voice is sweet as always, and he doesn’t even know what to say. 

Stepping towards you, he essentially shoves the milk into your hands before turning around and marching out the door. 

You stare at the carton quizzically, while the boys in the gym collectively let out a heavy sigh. 

“Was that… supposed to be a confession?” Daichi’s disbelief was evident.

“He does that every day though,” Hinata comments, clueless. 

“But today’s Valentine’s day, there’s probably more to it, right?” Ennoshita curious.  

“Of course that’s the way that idiot would do it.” Tsukki is snarky as ever. 

But you don’t hesitate to run back into the club room, a determined look glued to your face. 

“Y/N san! Where are you going?” Hinata calls. 

“Let them be, Hinata. They have something to take care of.” Suga has a glint of amusement in his eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kageyama tries to calm down as he aggressively drinks his chocolate milk. But he’s jittery all over when you pop up next him. 

“Tobio-kun, did ya really think you could just throw me a box of milk and then split? On Valentine's day? Tsk Tsk.” You smile as you move to stand in front of him. Words are far from his physical capacity at the moment, so he opts to just stare at you instead.

“But by the way,” you pull the carton from behind your back in your left hand, and shake it in front of him, “Accepted.” He feels his heart melt in relief. You understood what he meant. At least he thinks you do. You always understood him somehow, even though he wasn’t great at communicating. 

“And also…” Your right hand appears now, a small box of cutely wrapped chocolates snuggly fit into your palm, “this is for you. Please, accept it.”

His eyes go wide in shock. For some reason, this was not what he had expected (though everyone else knew it was coming). His heart now swells with an indescribable feeling that he never wants to stop experiencing. 

“And this too... unless you want me to stop...” He doesn’t know how else you could potentially make him fall apart more than he already had- but he got his answer when your hand grabbed onto his collar and tugged him down to your height. You placed a slow and gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Tobio-kun, I like you.” Yeah, his heart wasn’t ready for that one. 

Oikawa Tooru

“Thank you, Suki-chan!” “So sweet, Maki-chan!” “These are delicious, Haru-chan!” First period hadn’t even begun and Oikawa had already been swarmed with gifts. But despite the time he spent basking in the affections of his little fans, his eyes were trained on you, watching as you happily handed Iwaizumi a cute little box of chocolates. Oikawa saw how his best friend smiled, and he saw the way you buried your face into Iwa’s chest when he hugs you. He decides to ask you about it at practice. 

“Y/N-chan!! You know what day it is today!” 

“How could I forget when I see my favorite setter drowning in more chocolates than usual?” He ignores the unidentifiable tone in your voice and presses on. 

 “I saw you give Iwa-chan some~” 

“Yes I did.” 

“Sooooo~”

 “....so what?” 

“Where are mine?” 

“...I…”

 Iwaizumi steps in, his hand protectively grabbing your shoulder. “What’re you harassing Y/N for, Shittykawa. You got enough chocolates already didn’t you? No need to be greedy.” Your eyes are glued to the floor, but Oikawa just sighs and waves it off. 

“Sorry, sorry, Y/N-chan! I just figured your chocolates would be so tasty I was jealous Iwa got some~ but I’ll be waiting for them next time!” If only you knew, I would rather eat a single one of your sweets than all the other sweets combined.

He tries to forget the incident until he hears his doorbell ring at 9 pm. “Tooru! You have a friend who’s come to see you!” He’s surprised to see you waiting at his gate, face flushed, breath ragged, and hair ruffled.

 “Oikawa-san!” You say with determination. “Y/N...chan?” He walks towards you, confusion and concern clear on his face.

“Oikawa-san…” the confidence fading as he comes near. You look away from his face as you outstretched your hands, a cute, small pink box with a tiny bow on it in hand. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you chocolates earlier today….I just....” your hands retreat to your body, box still grasped. You look down at your feet once again, so you can’t see his eyes go wide. “I thought about making you some sweets yesterday but, I always knew you had so many fangirls and I didn’t wanna get in their way, or worse, make you see me as one of them… so I didn’t. I’m sorry. I, I didn’t consider you would feel left out. So I made these for you after school! Will you please accept them!” 

You look up at him finally, only to see tears streaming down his face. “Oikawa san? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something that-” 

“I’m sorry Y/N-san, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But are they really for me?”

 “Mhm!” You hand them over, in anticipation of what he would do next. He opens the box, pops a chocolate into his mouth, and then smiles. 

“Just as I expected- it’s perfect.” He steps towards you once again, and wraps his arms around you, tightly. “You’re nothing like the rest of them, yanno. You’re very special to me.” 

Kuroo Tetsurou

“Happy Single’s Awareness day!” You sing-song at the boys standing in front of your gate, the sun peeking out over the horizon. 

“Just jumping over Valentines, then?” Kenma asks you, his face hidden in his switch. 

“Yep! Nope! Not for me~ don’t need a valentine!” You’re carefree as you stroll ahead of the two of them, hands thrown behind your head. “Giving Valentine’s are dumb. Right, Kuroo!”

Kenma takes his time to pull his nose away from his switch to let his cat like gaze fall on his best friend, who’s been awfully quiet this morning. He knows why. 

“Do you agree, Kuroo?” He asks, probing. 

“...Yep. What type of headass buys into Valentines-” He criticizes. 

Kenma knocks Kuroo’s bag with his elbow, his gaze transforming into a glare. You do, Kuroo. No chickening out. 

Kuroo’s grasp on the bag resting on his shoulder tightens, well aware of what he has to do. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After school was over and practice was done, Kenma got dropped off at home because he wanted to go home early, for some reason. So now it’s just you and Kuroo, laying on the hill by the bridge, bathing in the hues of orange and pink as the sun sets slowly. 

You stretch out on your back, relaxing onto the grass underneath you. “Man, did ya see all those idiots handing out valentine’s? So cheesy.” You close your eyes and pull your hands up to cushion your head, turning your chin up. Kuroo rests on his elbow, angled so that he can watch you as you talk, his hand scratching his head soothingly.

“ Who wants dumb chocolates anyways? You think these chicks would get sick of all the chocolates they get. Hmph.” He watches as your mouth twitches down, eyes squeezed tight. 

To be fair, both of you were acting...different today. Kuroo can read you like a book, and even how he can still pick out the unease you’ve been tryna hide all day. But his own nervousness and jitters keeps him quiet. 

As you both sit in silence, stewing in your feelings, Kuroo lets out a deep sigh. Now or never. You hear him rustle in his bag as he pushes something over to you. You open your eyes to see a small box by your shoulder with a cute lil cat sticky note pressed onto it- reading, “be Mine, Valentine? :3” 

You freeze for a second, processing what he pushed over to you. You look up at Kuroo, who’s now turned his back to you, sleeping on his side. 

You open the box and find a cute cat bracelet inside. “Kuroo?” 

“You’ve been trashing valentine’s chocolates for a while now- so I figured I’d get you something better. It’s cheesy, I know. Don’t “at” me.” He stays, turned away from you. 

You take your time to pull the bracelet out the box, letting heat rise to your face. 

“Did you do this just because…? To make me feel better, or-”

“Still a headass huh.” He finally turns around, and you’re glad to see that his own face is as red as yours feels. 

“Kuroo… do you, like me?”

“Damn, you’re gonna make me say it huh?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah I like you. Now hurry up and reject me so we can go back to being normal and I can get over my damn nerves. I hate not being myself.” He mutters as his lips twitch into a pout as he rests his bedhead into the grass, hands caressing his neck. 

You take a second before crawling over to him, watching him in silence. 

“You’re an idiot, too, ya know.” He peaks one eye open, to give you a questioning look. “Now help me put this bracelet on.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I’m never taking it off.”

“You serious?!”

“Of course I’m serious.”

His Cheshire grin breaks out onto his face as he sits up, closing the gap between you two.

“Oh? Does someone like me back?”

“Yeah someone does. Now are you gonna help me or not.”

In that moment, you don’t think anything can compare to the sheer joy in Kuroo’s eyes as he carefully clasps the bracelet onto your wrist, wrapping his strong fingers around yours.

Copyright © 2021 Colorseeingchick. All rights reserved. Do not repost or copy.

[ballodellamarlena]

m o o n l i g h t

damiano david x reader + ex!gjon muharremaj (gjon’s tears)

genre: fluff, minimal angst

wc: 1.7k

notes: non-canonical OOC, also my first fic in a long time, this is a result of me ignoring my finals with a dash of projecting

feedback is appreciated! if you are interested in reading more i have more ideas :)

-

2021 just can't stop surprising.

In hindsight, it was worse for some in comparison to year prior, but life goes on.

And so does Europe's most famous song competition.

2021 just can't stop surprising. In hindsight, it was worse for some in comparison to the year prior, but life goes on. And so does Europe's most famous song competition.

2020's cancellation of Eurosong was devastating, to say the least, but now it's back and in full shine; different singers, different songs, lots of changes made. Your job as an audio technician swept you off to places you'd never thought you'd see. From concerts to musical artists in recording studios in their whole essence; the making of a song, the process fascinated you. It kind of didn't surprise you when you were accepted to be a part of Eurovision's sound squad. It was, after all, everything you've been working for.

It was not soon after Tel Aviv when you met Gjon in a recording studio, where you were temporarily stationed before departure to Rotterdam to start preparing for the next year. Gjon was a nice constant to your hectic life, always there to shine on a new perspective and always there to comfort you on your worst days. In turn, you were there during his journey to be chosen as Switzerland's contestant in 2020's Eurovision. You were there when he wrote his song about being and belonging. Your blossoming relationship became too great to ignore, and soon you became the team's sweethearts; his firm but soft composure meshing with your assertive and curious nature in the best of ways. You were not afraid to say that you knew him, and vice versa. Everything really was perfect. Until the epidemic hit.

It was like a domino effect, one thing encouraging everything else to fall apart. Being in a foreign country while it was in a state of emergency was not the most ideal, and it didn't really help your job. Your recently appointed position in Eurovision's sound squad was gone with the wind when the cancellation was announced, and so did Gjon's hard work. Tensions rose, and while your relationship was as healthy as could be, it simply wasn't enough. Or maybe it was never supposed to be something more than a prolonged period of deep infatuation between two human beings.

The departure was bittersweet, to say the least. But you knew, a year with him would never compare to anything else. You two parted gently, on a windy airport, almost ignorant to the tears in Gjon's eyes; you saw regret, pain, and fear, but you both understood that if you decided to give your all to each other before knowing what that 'all' even is, it would hurt much more.

You remember his arms around for the last time, whispering promises of sunnier days and warm reunions, the lump in his throat preventing him from promising you a better him.

You haven't been able to completely process his intentions, too keen on leaving. You were itching for something different, but everything seemed too claustrophobic in this state of the world. So you accepted the first job offer that presented itself to you and flew off to Sanremo.

-

"You okay?"

You turned abruptly towards Victoria, one of the band members you were here with here in Rotterdam in the middle of rehearsals and navigating through Rotterdam.

Your job offer as one of Eurovision's sound technicians still stood even throughout the epidemic but after Måneskin's success at the Sanremo Festival that granted them the first row in the finals of Eurovision you decided to stay with them, so the job kind of integrated being an official technician in charge of Italy and being their personal plus one.

You stared at Victoria with a blank stare, reminiscing the past short few months; Sanremo brought new experiences and new people. Italy's contest for the contestant at 2021's Eurovision started from square one, giving new chances.

Maybe Måneskin was just what you needed, the four of them. Victoria, Thomas, Ethan, and Damiano.

Damiano was a breath of fresh air. A breeze of fast wind. Assertive and confident. You couldn't deny it was attractive. You tried not to let his aura control your way of seeing him, but very soon you found him to be one of the best people you've ever met. You helped you express yourself more, welcomed you like family, made you see life and yourself like something more than you had originally thought. You two clicked, and between new friendships and an interesting job position you allowed them to take you with them to Rotterdam. And you did so without hesitating.

Besides, no one could deny something heavy between you and Damiano.

Back to the present, at Italy's table with the band and the delegation, Damiano comfortably sitting on your left, you stared at Victoria to your right, trying to come up with an answer when you heard it again.

"Will Switzerland's contestant please begin their rehearsal?"

And there he was, no different than that day at the airport. Last you heard about Gjon he came with a new song, after managing to keep his place as the contestant, something many preparing contestants had to give up prior to this year's competition.

You were sitting on the edge of your seat, elbows on your knees. You felt Damiano's fingers twirling one of your locks on the back of your hair, a bit uninterested to be watching somebody else's rehearsal while the band was already done with theirs.

"Yeah." you smiled lightly. There was no lie, why wouldn't you feel fine?

You felt Damiano's hand weaving with your elbow, pulling you to him, and you leaned back against the cushion, leaning your head gently against his shoulder. And if he noticed you seemed lethargic all of a sudden, he didn't say anything.

You stared intensely towards the stage, but relaxed and turned to the rest of your company after realizing this rehearsal only included the technical side of things. No song from him today.

-

22nd of May, 2021

Entirely skipping the semi-finals, you and your team only focused on your own band. Being one of the Big 5 was admirable, and everyone expected a show.

The clothes fit, the makeup was on, and the band was ready to enter the arena along with you and Italy's delegation. Nine pm was nearing and you were going to be sitting through all of the 26 songs, along with voting.

Songs went by fast, some fun, some less, but all were good until it was time for Switzerland. You were about to hear his new song.

Je vois derrière nous des morceaux de toi Et ce que la douleur a fait de moi

The somber tone, the lyrics. Your limited knowledge of french allowed you to understand the basic point of the song.

Nos deux cœurs sous la terre

He was still not over you.

But maybe he was but was singing about somebody else, you tried to rationalize.

Damiano squeezed your hand that you didn't even realize he was holding, you were so tense. The band was aware of your previous association with the Swiss singer, but you didn't even want to know what they were thinking about.

You only thought about the song. The melody, the words sang of his anguish, and it wasn't a bad song. You wanted so desperately to heal him but knew it was not your job to do anymore.

Comment soigner nos coeurs qui éclatent?

Your eyes made contact, and it was like going back in time. But all songs end, and so did yours.

The crowd cheered, it was a great performance. The table clapped and you watched him getting off the stage, not knowing what to think.

"It's going to be okay, carina."

That one pull you needed, and you didn't doubt anymore.

An hour and a half later, after Italy's performance, which was quite an experience, finals were coming to an end, and the voting began.

You will never get used to feeling nervous about getting results, even when you weren't the object of it. But watching Switzerland get so many points from the jury made it a whole new experience. Italy was places below and everyone was silent.

The televoting points change everything, it was unpredictable, just like the whole competition. You had Damiano's hand in your left and Ethan's in your right, squeezing them, but adrenaline prevented you to feel anything else besides your heartbeat.

You wanted them to win so bad. They worked so hard to get where they are today, and while all contestants deserved a chance, you couldn't not be a little biased.

The 318 points to Italy were a game-changer, the crowd cheered, Victoria and Thomas jumped and screamed, and Damiano pulled you up into a hug, cheering with them; they were in the first place now. Crowd's favorite, obviously.

All that was left to hear was the number of points for Switzerland.

You've got to be kidding me, you thought.

It was tension between Switzerland and Italy, and you honestly didn't know who would win. But did it really have to be the two of them?

You felt the cameras focusing and your table, And everything was silent. You felt Gjon's stare, piercing through you. But the only thing you could focus on was Damiano's skin touching yours, his fingers intertwining with yours, and you knew that no matter the outcome, everything would be okay.

But alas, the points weren't enough to overthrow Italy, and you grinned, suddenly feeling Victoria's arms around you and Damiano's tears of joy on your neck. Everyone's screams made it seem like total silence and you smiled big, proud of your friends.

You were so happy you didn't realize they were soon dragging you with them to the stage to perform once again. In fact, you never felt so happy, you even started to sing loudly with the crowd.

Damiano, in his whole element, shining with pride and glory, motioned you to the stage by the end, pulled you in, and kissed you deeply, holding you close, and silently thanking you.

You knew life wasn't always going to be this pretty, but you thought, maybe you could live in this moment for a little while longer, kissing your frontman and giving yourself completely to the blinding lights of a victorious arena.

It was time to move on.

-

a/n: this was so bad i'm so sorry

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Ateez: GF Having PMS

PMS: Pre-menstrual syndrome. Aka, those 1-2 weeks before a girl gets her period, they have symptoms like acne, bloating, cramps, food cravings, fatigue, increased sexual libido, mood swings, tender breasts and irritability among other things. It's not actually when you are on your period, for those of you who don't know. Also girls: it's totally normal and don't feel bad about any of these symptoms or talking about them ♡♡♡♡

Kim Hongjoong:

Hongjoong didn't know what was going on with you. One minute you're happy and wanting to cuddle, and then a minute later you're mad for no reason. It was making him angry honestly. You two have been dating for almost a month, he thought you were past the push and pull game already.

"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" He blurted out one day when your mood swings were too much.

He felt really bad when you started crying though.

"I'm sorry... it's not your fault. I get like this when I'm PMSing and I don't even notice...I'm sorry." You said while wiping tears out of your face.

Now it clicked in his brain and he felt even more bad. Carefully he sat down next to you and rubbed your back.

"Hey it's ok, don't worry. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you, so I'm sorry for that."

He pulled you into a hug and just held you there till you stopped crying.

"Better now?" He asked once you calmed down to which you nodded.

"Good. Now do you wanna go get ice cream?"

He got better at dealing with your mood swings every time they happened. He learned to back off when you were irritated and to hold you when you were sad.

Park Seonghwa:

Technically you weren't on your period, but for some reason you only got cramps during PMS and they were horrible.

All Seonghwa heard was "cramps" and he was very much on it. He ran out the door to the nearest store, bought a heating pad, bought chamomile tea to make for you, ibuprofen for the pain and even picked up a cute teddy bear for you.

So then Seonghwa handed you the bear while he placed the the heating pad on your tummy and gave you a glass of water for you to take one of the pills. The tea was already being brewed in the kitchen. Making sure it wasn't too hot to burn you, he took it to you and insisted on helping you sip on it.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked you with a lot of tenderness.

You nodded and smiled at him. "Yes I am. Thank you, you're the perfect boyfriend."

You asked him to cuddle with you, which he was happy to oblige. However he made sure not to squeeze you too hard, worried that he might accidentally put pressure on your tummy and make your cramps worse.

Jeong Yunho:

You were fatigued, just laying on your bed, blankets covering you. It was well past 11 a.m and you still didn't feel the energy to get up. Your plan was to lay in bed for the whole day, or if you had to get up, do very minimal activity.

Suddenly a loud door slamming open and a loud:

"Honey! I'm home!!"

Yunho's energetic voice resonated through the house.

"Baby?! Where are you?!" He asked loudly.

You groaned, unable to even tell him where you were.

"There you are! So I got the day off and I thought we could- is something wrong?" He was worried when he saw your low state.

"I'm just really tired that's all. I don't feel like getting out of bed." You responded.

He was really worried though, wondering if you were sick or something. That's when you explained you just had fatigue due to PMS and just wanted rest.

"I'm sorry we can't go out like you wanted to."

"No! It's ok. We can just stay indoors and watch movies all day long. I'm always in a cuddling mood you know." He said as he joined you on the bed and wrapped his arms around you.

Kang Yeosang:

Movie nights with your boyfriend were a regular occurrence. You guys rarely payed attention to the movie, you both ended up talking very comfortably to each other. This particular night, your PMS symptom of tender breasts was acting up more than normal. Usually, you could go about your day without it bothering you, tonight it was too much though. And unconsciously your hands went in your shirt, kneading at them.

"Uh.....what are you doing?" Yeosang's voice snapped you back to reality.

"Oh.....my boobs are sore." You simply answered.

Yeosang just nodded like he understood and just looked back at the tv as he sipped on his apple juice. Wanting to mess with him a bit, you asked:

"Want to help me out?"

The juice box suddenly flattened as he sucked in all of the juice, flustered at your question. He looked at you with a look that asked "seriously?" You simply pouted at him.

"Ok." He shrugged and put his juice down.

"Wait what?" It was now your turn to be flustered.

Choi San:

Days leading up to your period were super annoying. Not only did you get killer headaches randomly, but your body decides to bloat out of nowhere and so the jeans that fit you perfectly yesterday now couldn't zip up.

"Oh fuck off!" You huffed out when the zipper ended up breaking from you pulling on it so much.

"I didn't even do anything??" San's voice from the bedroom reminded you that you weren't alone.

"Not you! I was talking about my jeans!" You explained.

"Why what's wrong?" He asked.

"They don't fit and the zipper broke." You whined.

San came inside the bathroom, seeing what the problem was.

"They fit fine yesterday?" He was confused about what happened.

And so a mini lesson on your body changes during PMS ensued. San ate up all the information for next time.

"Why don't I just buy you stretchy pants so you're more comfortable?" He suggested.

"Aww that's so nice of you." You awed at his kind gesture.

"But between you and me, I'd rather have you with no pants on." He winked at you.

You grabbed a towel and threw it at him.

"Choi San! Now you fuck off!"

Song Mingi:

You were avoiding seeing your boyfriend for the past 2 days, feeling embarrassing about the tiny breakouts that popped out on your cheeks. You didn't like looking at them and hated if anyone saw you like that. But Mingi was clingy and couldn't go one day without seeing you and so one day you were startled when he tapped on your bedroom window and then proceeded to crawl his way in.

"What are you doing here?!" You screeched as you covered your face with the blanket.

"I needed to make sure you weren't dead or kidnapped!" He responded as he got up from the floor.

He looked at your weird position and asked what it was about, and you refused to answer. Mingi just strode over to you and pulled the blanket off you.

"Don't! I look horrible!" You tried reaching for something else to cover up.

"You look fine. What are you talking about?" He was genuine confused what you meant.

"No I don't! Look at this! Stupid breakouts! I hate it!" You crossed your arms and looked down.

Mingi's heart dropped at your words.

"Honey listen.." He sat down next to you and held your hand. "Those things are totally normal. Everyone gets them once in a while, so don't feel bad. You're still beautiful no matter what."

He smiled brightly at you, hoping to cheer you up. You smiled back and didn't feel so self conscious about it anymore.

Jung Wooyoung:

Wooyoung honestly loved annoying you with his love. Usually you were very patient with him, except when you were PMSing, then you were irritable almost every day and had no patience for anyone, including him. If you think that'd stop him and leave you alone, you're wrong. That's when he likes annoying you the most. He thinks you look like cute whenever you yell at him to stop or to leave you alone.

"Who's the cutest kitten here?" He said in a sing song voice as he ruffled your hair.

"Stooop!" You whined out, getting annoyed.

"Oooh feisty kitten! Maybe if I tickle your-"

"Noooo!" You moved away from him when he tried to touch your face.

"Y/N baby.." He continued.

"Go away!" You swatted his hand away and marched to the bathroom to cool off for a little bit.

Wooyoung laughed at you stomping away in annoyance.

"One day she might actually kill you." Yeosang pointed out.

"Nah she won't, she loves me too much. Besides, isn't she hot when she's angry?" Wooyoung said.

"I seriously hold onto my theory that you're a masochist and a weirdo." Yeosang shook his head.

Choi Jongho:

Honestly you felt blessed that your only PMS symptom was weird cravings that turned you into a foodie. You had heard horror stories from your friends about how their PMS was unbearable, so you considered yourself lucky. In fact, sometimes you even forgot it was a PMS symptom.

Jongho never noticed anything unusual about your cravings, thinking you were hungry or something, until you pulled out a really weird combination that seemed to last days.

"You're eating that again?" He asked as he stared at the food in front of you.

"Yeah. I've been really craving it recently."

Jongho's heart stopped for a moment, panic rushing through him.

"Oh my God! I think I got you pregnant!" He exclaimed, his hands going to his head.

You bursted out laughing at that.

"What? No you didn't you silly goose." It was so amusing to you that he came to that conclusion.

"Then how else do you explain it?!" You honestly felt bad at how he was freaking out.

Pulling out a chair, you gestured for him to sit on it.

"Make yourself comfortable Jongho. Time for a little biology lesson."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[darbydoo22]

A Song From The Heart

a/n: So happy I got to participate in the @grishaversebigbang this year! I had so much fun writing this fic! Chapters will be posted every other day until they are all up.

Corporalki: @darbydoo22

Materialki: @phy-be (x) @cat-terpillar (x) @streckenweise-okay (x) (all art contains spoilers for later chapters)

Summary: Ivan and Fedyor get assigned to guard the royal family of Ravka, which means a lot of time at the little palace. Fedyor is excited, because it means the possibility of mentoring a young grisha, but Ivan isn’t sold on the idea. Instead of mentoring one of the higher year grisha, they end up adopting a young Nina Zenik instead.

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33620707

or 

Chapter 1/12 under the cut:

Fedyor didn’t know what to expect when he had been called into General Kirigan’s tent. He had been assisting with some of the crossings of the fold, and knew Ivan had been doing the same. They had seen each other a handful of times in the past few months, but to Fedyor, it felt like he hadn’t seen his lover in years. Saints he missed Ivan, he thought as he made his way to the general’s tent.

As he got to the General’s tent, Fedyor could almost hear Ivan’s familiar heartbeat, with how much Fedyor was thinking about him. But when Fedyor ducked inside the tent, he was met with the sight of Ivan, standing next to the General.

Fedyor wanted to run to Ivan, to hold him tightly in his arms and know for certain that his lover was safe, but the General had called them here for a reason. It certainly wasn’t just for a reunion.

“Now that you’re both here, why don’t we get started.” the General said. It wasn’t so much a question as it was an order.

He motioned for both of them to sit, so Fedyor did. He was sitting close enough to Ivan that their hands were brushing under the table, but he didn’t dare reach out. It was not the time or the place for that.

Fedyor could practically feel Ivan echoing his longing, but all Fedyor could do was turn his attention to the General. General Kirigan explained that there was some new threat to Ravka, or more specifically, to the Ravkan royal family.

“I need both of you back at the little palace for the foreseeable future. A threat to the royal family is a threat to all of Ravka, and we cannot stand for it. I need my two best heartrenders there” General Kirigan told them.

Fedyor nodded, and mumbled a ‘yes General’. He heard Ivan do the same.

“Good. I trust the two of you won’t be too.... distracted, to do your duty to this country and to our people?” The General asked, looking back and forth between them. Fedyor cringed at the reminder that General Kirigan knew about them. It was part of the reason they hadn’t spent much time together on missions lately.

“Nothing is more important to us than our county and our people” Ivan told the General. His voice was steady and even, sounding nothing but sincere. Fedyor had to stop himself from smiling though, because Ivan’s heartbeat had skipped a beat, in the telltale sign of a lie. Fedyor loved knowing that, for all his posturing about how important Ravka and the grisha were to him, Fedyor was more important to Ivan.

“Alright, you’re both dismissed. I expect the two of you to remain at the little palace until you receive instructions otherwise, understood?” The general asked. Again, they both mumbled a polite ‘understood’ before standing up and leaving the General’s tent.

The second they were both outside, Fedyor wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Ivan and kissing him. Fedyor didn’t care that they were just outside the General’s tent, in the middle of the military encampment. Nothing mattered to him in that moment besides the feeling of Ivan’s lips moving against his.

It felt like coming home. Like everything Fedyor had ever wanted. Words could not describe how much he had missed this, how much he had missed Ivan. Ever since the General had found out they were together, he had been sending them on separate missions. But they were both here now, and that was all Fedyor cared about.

“I missed you'' Fedyor mumbled when he finally pulled away from the kiss.

“I missed you too'' Ivan answered. Ivan pulled away from their embrace, but he continued to hold Fedyor’s hand as he led Fedyor through the maze of tents.

By some small miracle, or probably Ivan’s doing, they were sharing a tent. It was a small, standard tent for the first army, but Fedyor didn’t care. They would only be spending the night before making their way to the little palace.

Fedyor did smile when Ivan led him into the tent. Rather than the two small bedrolls most of the first army were stuck with, there was a large, comfortable bed in the middle of their tent. It took up most of the room, but Fedyor didn’t mind.

He finally, begrudgingly, let go of Ivan’s hand and began to remove his kefta. Fedyor was struggling with the buttons, probably because he refused to take his eyes off of Ivan as he stripped down to his undergarments.

Fedyor had managed to undo two of the clasps on his kefta before he gave up, unable to tear his eyes away from Ivan.

Ivan hadn’t changed much since the last time they had been alone together. Fedyor noticed one new scar on his chest, another on his arm. But he was looking at Fedyor with the same soft expression that was only ever reserved for him.

“Do you need help?” Ivan asked him. His tone wasn’t harsh or rude by any means, but Ivan never was with Fedyor. Fedyor nodded and mumbled a ‘please’ before moving closer to Ivan.

Fedyor let Ivan remove his Kefta, moving in sync with him as he continued to undress Fedyor. It wasn’t sexual, but felt intimate nonetheless. Once they were both down to their underclothes, Fedyor let Ivan lead him towards the bed.

He revelled in the softness of the sheets briefly, before reaching over hand wrapping an arm around Ivan’s shoulder. Saints, Fedyor had missed spending time with Ivan. He’d missed the casual, not rushed intimacy they could have. Fedyor felt Ivan shift a bit in his embrace and let him move until Ivan was on his back, Fedyor resting half on top of him.

“So... we’re going back to the little palace for a while '' Ivan started, wrapping an arm around Fedyor’s waist and pulling him impossibly closer. Fedyor smiled up at Ivan in response.

“Yes. It looks like we’ll be spending a lot of time together” Fedyor said, making Ivan laugh.

“Time together where we will be working, love. We are supposed to protect the royal family” Ivan reminded him. Fedyor wanted to roll his eyes, but settled for pouting at Ivan instead.

“They won’t need our protection the entire time” Fedyor countered, and Ivan sighed.

��What do you plan on doing with all that time off, then? Finally going to learn Kerch? Will you read those books that keep piling up in our room? Or maybe you’ll mentor one of the new grisha?” Ivan asked. Fedyor knew he was teasing, but....

“Could we mentor one of the new grisha?” Fedyor asked. It was something Ivan knew he had wanted to do for a while now.

Mentoring a younger grisha wasn’t required, but a lot of the grisha who spent long periods of time at the little palace ended up doing it at some point. It seemed like the perfect time for them, but Ivan didn’t look so sure about it.

“You know I’m not.... good with people. I’m much worse with kids” Ivan said.

Fedyor knew that Ivan wasn’t, as he said, good with people. It wasn’t that Ivan disliked people, he was just ....guarded.

After growing up in Fjerda, surrounded by people who had turned on him and tried to kill him for being Grisha, then coming to the little palace and not being trusted because he was Fjerdan.... well, Fedyor understood why Ivan was guarded. Understood why he put up walls almost as high as those of the little palace.

“We can talk about it more on the way there” Ivan told him. It wasn’t a yes, but it also wasn’t a no. Fedyor smiled, and leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Ivan’s lips.

“Thank you” Fedyor mumbled letting himself snuggle closer to Ivan as he fell asleep.

[mansions-maiden]

Helloww, I'm here for 3rd request xD

Don't know you like it or not but hw abt MC is sweet, ladylike, polite, never complained, and lovely girl but someday...when comte hold a banquet and yeps mc has low tolerance alcohol and got drunk so herself became 180° 😂😂😂

She started laughing like maniac, shouting and scold the residents like asian mom 😂.

For example : (arthur) DO YOU KNOW WE CALL A HUMAN TYPE LIKE YOU A THOT ?! FROM NOW I'LL CALL YOU ARTHOT

(isaac) OII YOU MINI APPLE BOI, HOW CAN YOU INVENTED CALCULUS?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PRESSURE YOU GIVE TO FUTURE STUDENTS ? I CAN'T EVEN ENJOYED MY SCHOOL LIFE !! YOU MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO KILL YOU WHEN I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOLER !!

Etc 😂😂 you can make what kind of screaming+scolding she will throw at them 😂😂😂 The residents ? OH I WANT TO SEE THEIR STUPID SHOCKED FACES AHAHAHA. Take your time writing it xD and thank you so much before my darlingzzz 😘😘😘❤️❤️

This is gonna be a fun one to write! Sorry this took so much time to write! I have been busy with school works. But I’ve been writing it slowly. here you go!  The words in the brackets (..) indicate that she missed saying these words.  I had to write the words in a weird way to show that the words were being slurred by mc. 

I tried writing it to your ask .Hope you like it! 

Everyone was still wearing surprised Pikachu faces as they were staring at sleeping MC. For never had they expected to see the completely hidden side of her.

Previously, that evening~  

MC is sweet and  perfect lady, as described in the ask. But little did the vampires know what they would be witnessing that night. 

The lord of the mansion decided to throw another banquet that night for the second time in the month being the hedonistic man he is. And all the residents were invited, including MC. 

All of them reached the venue that evening and in the banquet halls, many fancy dishes were there, waiting to be eaten by  people. There were finest of the wines brought from the  far away land and the exotic dishes that were never seen before. 

All of the mansion residents gathered in a room(kinda VIP room). All have helped themselves with a drink or two and were chatting away. MC stood against the walls of the room, swirling her champagne glass as she spoke to Sebastian.

All of them continued talking to each other.

After some more time:

MC was still speaking when she began giggling to herself continuously. 

All the residents:  “???????⁇?”

MC:” if only people knew how crazy these idiots are!! bwahahaha!” 

Napoleon: “Who are you talking about MC?”  

MC: “ Who am I ... talkin bout? I talk about the grreeat ‘men’ in history.." mc continued giggling as her words began to slur.

Arthur: "And why exactly are we 'idiots'? "

MC: "who in the world knew that all of these men would have crazy sides no one ever knows!" She began laughing again.

All of them looked at each other and then at MC. They noticed her flushed cheeks and understood the situation. 

“MC, you are quite drunk. You should stop drinking now..” 

“ N-no no no no.. I’m not drunk at all.. see,I only drank 1,2,... 4 glasses of champagne! I want to talk! “ 

MC: “comte! do you know..? arthot went into the town again yesterday even after you shun himm.. But he didn’t let me tell you...! teach him a lesson comte!” MC told as she pretended  that she was holding a gun against Arthotur’s head. 

“What in the world is mademoiselle doing?” Jean asked with a confused stare as Sebastian replied, “In our time period, we show guns with our hands in that way.. it’s a type of pretend play..”. 

“And..wait  what? From when did my name change to Arthot?? Did she misspell it??” Arthur asked looking at her. 

“ Lemme think.. nope.. You’re ..definitely Art..Thot! yup! That’s it!” 

  “Arthur.. come to my room later. I should ‘gently’ remind you the rules of the mansion. “ Arthur gulped audibly as comte stared at him with ‘nothing-is-wrong’ smile.

“Arthur, Dazai-san!! Can (you) come here once??” She suddenly asked them with  puppy eyes as they came forward. She tried to reach their faces but couldn’t. She pouted a little and climbed onto the couch behind her. 

“OWW!! “ Both of them cried in pain as MC twisted each of Arthur’s and Dazai’s ears.  “ how.. how dare youu...!  How dare you tease.. Is..Isaac?! the only baby of this mansion! Poor boy! He’s traumatized because of you!” 

Isaac having the time of his life: “That’s right mc! How dare they tease a bab- wait! Who do you think you’re calling BABY!??! “ Isaac frowned at his yet another new nick name. 

Her feet began wobbling and she fell from the couch onto Mozart.  “Aww man!! I fell off the couch!!! Bu..but.. this pillow is soo smoooth and silkyy.. yayy! A nice pillow for me..! “ She said as she snuggled her face into her’pillow’, aka Mozart’s chest. 

“What do you think you’re doing?! Get her off me! mmph!! “ Mozart began yelling but felt a hand clamped over his mouth. “Shh.. doon’t shout.. and you should.. smile like this. Say CHEEEESE! “ MC said, forcing his lips into a smile with her hands. 

MC kept giggling even when Napoleon and Leonardo helped Mozart and sat her on the couch.

(I'm sorry I know that her giggling is too much but I don't know how drunk person acts exactly ^^;)

Leonardo: "How much did she even drink? Why didn't you stop her Sebas?"

Sebastian: "I'm sorry master Leonardo.. I didn't expect her to drink these many. I thought she had high alcohol tolerance.."

Leonardo (stretching hand towards mc): "Cara mia, you had enough fun, c'mon you need to rest up in the mansion.

MC shook her head vigorously . "Noooo! I don't want to rest! I want to talk to all of you~! Why don't you go to sleep ...? Da Vinci~. You've got your bed AKA them... (Pointing finger towards floor and wall) . I'll sing a lullaby to youu.. "

She began humming the tone of the lullaby as she dragged Leonardo with her.

" Rock-a-bye, baby, in the tree top

When the wind blows the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

Down will come baby, cradle and all"

"Go to bed renaissance man! And ! Your cigarillos are confiscated by me! Hmph! " She took the cigarillos from his pockets and threw them into the dustbin.

"MC! You sing so good! It's as if the angel herself has sung the lullaby.. what song is it?" Vincent asked with an excited and curious gaze.

" the lullaby..? T'is from my own time.. god! I miss my old days in college! " Everybody heard small sniffles in the room then. 

They felt helpless seeing her cry. “What’s the matter cherie? Why are you crying? Is something hurting you? “ comte asked approaching her. 

“*sniffle* everything is *hic* alright comte *sniffle, hic*. I just remembered *sniffle* my own time and my friends.. I miss them *sniffle* a lot..” Tears began rolling down her soft cheeks.  Everyone looked at each other.. 

“ A-and.. *sniffle* I also remember the days I used to cry and struggle due to math in college. Especially calculus.. And I’ve heard that Isaac was the one wh- *sniffle* who invented it.. Isn’t it Isaac?”  She asked Isaac through the glassy eyes. 

Isaac: “Y-yeah... it was me..” He lowered his eyes as if he had done a mistake. 

MC grabs Isaac’s lapels weakly and shouted, “Why? Why did you invent calculus?! I remember.. I remember the days I used to stay awakee... until late night, scratching my head and struggling to... to solve them!!    I... hatee.. you !!” She suddenly released him and pushed him back, making him wobble a little. 

Theo: “what the heck hondje?! how much drunk are you!? your mood swings are faster than Arthur’s snarky comments! “ 

MC: “ Hey Theo! Don’t you dare call me Hondje.. You’re the hondje... Who doesn’t allow anyone to come near your darling brother like a guard dog!” 

Theo was very taken back at the sudden backfiring of the nickname. 

MC: “Coming to Vincent and Jean! you both are so adorable.  You’re the epitome of purity. I love you both so much. muah!” She sent a flying kiss to both and both the men’s cheeks flushed a little. 

Napoleon: “Do you have something to say about me MC?” He asked her with curiosity and a little amusement dancing in his eyes. 

MC: “ Well, All I can say ..is.. DON’T GO AROUND KISSING PEOPLE! I can’t.. beliieeve that ‘nightmare of Europe’ went around kissing people.. poor soldiers must have been traumatized..! “ 

“ I can’t believe the nerve of you all to send me to Napoleon’s room early in the morningg!  *gasp* Wait !!This means that all of you have been kissed by him.. didn’t you? Hahahaaa!!”   she continued laughing clutching her stomach hard. 

“Do you know?! There’s a stalker in the mansion who stalks you all 24/7. And he notes it down in his ‘oh no! they didn’t ‘ notebook! It’s none other than our Seba- mmph! “ her voice suddenly came out  muffled as Sebas quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. 

“Wait-who is that stalker??” Dazai asked in confusion. 

“It’s no one Dazai san. She’s just blabbering.”  Sebas quickly replied in a stoic expression. 

“Wow.. she speaks truth when she’s drunk Will..” Vincent told Shakespeare. “ She is.. After all, a drunk mind speaks a sober heart..” Shakespeare told him. 

“Cherie, you must really go back to mansion now. Come, I shall escort you back home..” Comte said worriedly as he approached her. 

“ NO! no comte ~ . See, I-I’m perfectly fine~. And you should stop being a mother comte. For the god’s sake, you’re a man! See, look at your reflection! You’re a handsome man! not a beautiful woman! Ditch all these.. motherly duties and enjoy yourself.~! “  She exclaimed as she turned him towards the mirror. 

“And you all~! stop being such a child and stressing out poor comte! Okay?! repeat after mee! from this day forth, I shall look after myself and never stress out  mama comte!” 

“Do you even like us luv?” Arthur asked her with a knowing smile. 

“Well, yes.. of course! Even though you all are handful.. I love you all a lot! I love you all this..much (spreading her hands on both sides)..I want to.. stay here..for..ever..” 

Suddenly, she felt the world spinning and lost consciousness. But Sebastian caught her by the waist in the nick of time. 

The room suddenly fell silent as the blabbering of a drunk resident stopped. 

“Well well- tonight’s play was rather very interesting.. But the curtains have fallen in a very unexpected way..” Shakespeare said laughing and breaking the silence. 

Sebastian gently laid her on the couch as she slept soundly. “never expected to see this side of cara.. not that I dislike it though..” Leonardo said as he laughed breezily. 

“It felt so entertaining to see her talking her like this.. Though it’s not gentlemanly, I would love to invite her to drinks and make her drunk.. I want to hear those words and keep them to myself..” comte said looking at her. 

“Let’s take her home and call it a day.. And let’s keep it a secret among ouselves...” Napoleon added. Everyone nodded in agreement and started towards mansion, still laughing at her words. That’s how they came to know the completely hidden side of mc that eventful night.  

                  -------------------- THE END   --------------------

 i also wanted to ask you guys if my plots up until now were different or if it feels like I’m writing cliché things..how does it feel? 

[lizbotw]

HELPLESS | SUGAWARA

request: aaa for the character and song suga and helpless from hamilton please-? also I HIT THE UNFOLLOW BUTTON INSTEAD OF ASK IM SORRY HHHH I LOVE YOUR WORK

you have me in my hamilton feels now, good job. AND OMG IT’S OKAY LMAO tysm for the support omg ur so cute and sweet, ilysm wtf :( ♡ making me cry

“What do you think of him?”

You stopped dribbling the basketball and turned to face Kiyoko—her hair tied up into a ponytail, the school gym uniform on—confused.

You didn’t get what she meant (or rather you did, but...). “What?”

“What?” Her face was set dead serious.

You scowled. “What do you mean what? You’re the one who asked the question.”

There was a stare-off between you two before giggles erupted out of her and she hid them behind her hand, eyes squeezing closed. You huffed and turned your attention back to rolling the ball between your two palms, feeling the ridges of its outline. She was laughing at your expense but you couldn’t fault her because you had done the same to her countless times. You also knew that she was onto you, no matter how well you tried to hide it.

“You know who I mean.”

“No I don’t.”

“Suga.”

Your jaw clenched at the words, trying to maintain a hard exterior, but on the inside your heart was beating rapidly at the mere mention of his name. “I don’t know.”

Heads over heels in love is what you wanted to say.

Wanting the conversation to end, you readied the basketball in your hands, bent your knees and jumped a little to shoot for the net high up by the backboard.

Miss. The ball bounced on the rim and came to roll right by your feet. You planted one foot on top of it to stop the momentum and out of the corner of your eye saw Kiyoko looking at you. “I never said I was good.”

She was back to smiling and you knew you could never be mad at her. “You know that’s not what I’m thinking about.” You wished she was just talking about your sucky basketball skills and not the boy of your infatuations.

The coach’s whistle rang out through the area—gym class was over. You scoped up the ball from below your feet and followed behind Kiyoko to the exit of the gym to the connected locker room, eyes roaming over the space as you watched the other students abandon the activities they’d been doing as well.

“Whatever.”

“You forgot this.”

You jolted, accidentally kicking your desk and causing it to move with a screech that echoed through the classroom. Eyes wide, you turned to see who had snuck up on you. Brown eyes were the first thing you were drawn to, then the shock of silver hair, and finally the worried expression and the badly concealed smile that was slowly overtaking it.

“Did I startle you?” A small laugh spilled out of him. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, it’s just— that was cute.” You could tell he wasn’t sorry.

You tried to ignore the burn of his words in your chest and the flips your stomach was doing. “What are you even doing here?”

“Well...” He rubbed the back of his neck and that’s when you noticed two brown paper bags clutched in his hand. “You forgot your lunch in my class when you came to see Daichi this morning. Thought you might be looking for it.”

The lunch period had only just started, so you didn’t even have time to miss your lunch before Suga had brought it. He must’ve rushed over here to give it to you as soon as class was dismissed, although you chose not to point that out.

“Can I sit here?” He was pointing to the empty chair next to you where Kiyoko had just been sitting. Wait—where was Kiyoko? Knowing her she must’ve ran off as soon as she saw him coming in order to give you guys some “alone time.” You cursed her in your mind, although the reminder of his question and the way his gaze was so fully focused on you made you forgive her instantly.

You looked again at the two bags he held, recognizing yours where you’d scribbled your name on the front this morning, and understanding at once that the other was his—he’d planned this.

You smiled. “I’d like that.”

Time: 1:35 A.M.

From Suga: Are you up?

From (Y/N): No.

From Suga: Haha, very funny. Anyway look outside your window.

From (Y/N): So it was YOU who kept throwing rocks at it when I was trying to sleep. I can’t believe this.

From Suga: I confess to nothing. Now are you coming or not? These meat buns are going to get cold so maybe I should just eat them all myself—

From (Y/N): CLIMBING OUT THE WINDOW RN

“Where’d you get that?” Kiyoko thumbed the smooth pendent that hung from a silver chain around your neck. Your last initial and “S” were carved into it. It was painfully obvious what it stood for.

“Nowhere.” You didn’t look her in the eye, but she understood.

“When?”

“Saturday.”

Her lips curled up into a smile and you were thoroughly embarrassed. “I’m expecting to hear the whole story later.” How had you gotten so lucky to be best friends with someone who was willing to listen to your constant lovesick rants?

“And then he—”

You heard her out of breath, laughing on the other end of the phone. “Okay, okay, I get it,” she managed out, “he’s perfect and charming and—”

“No, no, he’s so much more than that, you see.” You were giddy with excitement, rolling around on your bed as you squealed over the phone with her, the grin stretching across your face starting to hurt your cheekbones, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

There was a hum of contemplation on the other side. “You know, I don’t think I quite see. Why don’t you explain it more to me?” Her teasing tone was like music to your ears and was one of the last things she managed to get in before you launched into another night-long tangent about him.

“You think this’ll work?”

“Of course it’ll work, this is what they do in movies all the time.”

Suga narrowed his eyes. “I’m serious, Daichi, I don’t want to mess this up.”

Daichi sighed, crossing his arms. “How many times have we had this conversation already?”

“Five times,” Asahi provided helpfully from next to him.

“Thank you, Asahi. And how many times have you almost said, ‘I love you,’ Suga?”

Suga looked away, lips pressed into a line. He knew Daichi was right. “More than five times,” he mumbled.

“Exactly. This is getting out of hand.” Noticing Suga’s worried expression though, he clapped a reassuring hand on his back. “You’ve never been worried about things like this before, get it together.” And with that, he turned to go, Asahi falling into step with him. “Go get ‘em, tiger,” Daichi called back, looking like he was enjoying this a little too much.

“We’ll be waiting on the bleachers if you need us,” Asahi reminded him.

And then he was alone.

Suga stared down at the box in his hand. This time it was a bracelet. Funny how you’d gotten matching necklaces on a whim before either of you had made it official—then again, you both knew what it was that you had. There was no one else he’d rather be stuck with at 2 A.M. on top of a hill, watching the quiet pull of the lake below, your words spilling out of you and filling the space and your laughter lighting up the night sky.

You still deserved for him to seal the deal though.

It was strange, but he found himself missing you even though it had only been a day. But right now he was alone and overthinking this whole thing—what if he had misunderstood how you felt?

Wait— no— not alone. The sound of footsteps nearby clued him in on someone’s arrival. You were here. You peeked your head around the corner before he had a chance to prepare himself and he quickly hid the box behind his back out of surprise.

“Suga?”

“You’re here.” He almost face palmed for stating the obvious, but was thankful when you didn’t point it out.

Instead you said, “You look like you saw a ghost.”

More like an angel. The fact that even those few words had his face burning with the desire to be closer to you reminded him how completely at your mercy he was.

Looking at the way your gaze softened and you stepped closer to him, he remembered how you’d done the same thing so many times before and now there was no question in his mind that you felt the same way—from the second you saw each other you were both helpless. Perhaps now it was time to completely surrender control.

[karla-the-elemental-dreamer]

KH-OC Week - Catch Up: Day 5 - (5 AUG 2021)

@khoc-week

The prompt I am doing for this one is 'Memory'. I thought this was just going to be a little diary entry simulation, but I ended up getting carried away and made a little fictional piece out of it. This does not necessarily follow my IRL existence and my dream avenues, this piece is more a completely imaginative fiction (incorporates only some aspects of stories from dreams); and what it would be like if I had a more concrete position, like living there for significant periods of time.

----------------------------------------------------------

Diary Entry Written: 8 AUG 2021 (8:08 PM)

Words: 1,652

As I sit here in isolation, thinking about how lonely it is here in the house, I remember all the times I spent with Riku and his friends, who are in turn my friends, and this makes me happy. All of a sudden I don’t feel so alone anymore, and as the memories replay, it’s like the people in them are actually with me; we are experiencing these moments all over again.

At the start, it was hard as I tried to introduce myself to a new world of people and vice-versa. I would tell Riku about myself, and it seemed like he was listening, but a few hours went by, and it’s like he forgot what I had told him… Sort of like he didn’t care, but then I knew Riku wasn’t naturally like this. At the time, I was new, and with Riku having redeemed himself from the darkness, I guess his insecurities were… Protecting him in a way; he did not want to be deceived again. It’s always hard at the start when I know exactly the person I want to show to others, but that they may not perceive me the way I perceive me. I knew exactly how Riku felt, which why I thought to myself, “Just be kind”, because in truth, it’s sometimes actions that speak louder than words.

So I took it upon myself to look out for Riku’s friends when he himself couldn’t be there, or if he was there but he was caught up in another matter. I recall the first thing I did for one of those ‘guardians of light’, so they are called. Xehanort had gotten the best of Sora, shattering him into a million pieces (emotionally), as he was made to watch Xemnas almost incapacitate Kairi. I yelled to Kairi, “Why aren’t you using your keyblade? You have one!”. Of course at the time, Kairi didn’t know who I was, and so she was hesitant to follow my advice. But just as Xemnas was about to make her take her last breath, it seems like Kairi knew what I was on about, and fear was turned into common sense. I continued to yell from the bottom of the plateau; “you get into these situations because people think you can’t fight for yourself!”.

As Riku was busy trying to keep himself from being dominated by Ansem, he looked over at Kairi’s direction with a sort of slant in his face. He himself didn’t know that I was standing below, he could only be confused by the voice he was hearing, but then I think that in Riku’s heart, he agreed that Kairi needed to become stronger and stand up for herself more… Because others won’t always be around. As Kairi swiped the keyblade, Xemnas was launched back, with a shocked look on his face like he didn’t even think the girl could do it. Both Sora and Riku looked at each other, and then to Kairi, with a look of amazement as they saw that she pried herself from Xemnas.

I skip to after that battle, where I heard Kairi say to them, “I probably wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for that girl”. Sora had answered, “No Kairi, it was all you. See, you do have in you, and for that, I’m proud of you”. Kairi stopped him, “But that voice, it helped me a lot”. Riku was curious and so he peered through a wall of the graveyard ruins, and he could see me walking away as I felt I had done my job. A few of these moments, and down the track, Riku began to trust me and see that I meant no harm. Rather than pushing me away and only what I thought was him pretending to care, he took more of an interested and asked me what I wanted when he noticed that I wanted or needed something.

Six months later, and Riku is the father figure I never would have dreamed of back then. And back then I thought I could never show that I was weak, or he would become uncomfortable with such thoughts and push me away. But then he later would accept me for who I am, and he said that is was okay for me to be weak. As my dream guide, he told me that it’s impossible for a person to be strong all the time, and when the cracks show, that it’s no problem to rely on others to build us up. Though Riku did admit that he himself wasn’t perfect, and that some of the messages he shared with me were inspired by Sora’s way of thinking. Riku would tell me stories of the time he and Sora spent together, and he said that he loved Sora very much… But then Riku also admitted that he had a place for me as well, as he did for all his friends.

Down the track, Riku encouraged me to meet his other friends. In Twilight Town, he introduced me to Roxas, Lea and Xion. At first, Roxas didn’t seem too convinced that I was trustworthy, but after a few rods from Riku, Roxas was able to see. I remember telling Roxas that I was aware of all his trauma from the events of KH-Days and KH2, and I said to Roxas that if there was a way for me to bring him back in time so that he never had to go through such a thing, I would. In-fact that’s when I said to any guardian of light who had been through some sort of deep darkness. That if I had the power to change things, I would.

And this is in-fact how I became closer to Terra. Because of all that Terra had been through with Xehanort, he initially thought I was trying to lead him on. However, I understood exactly why Terra wasn’t convinced, and from Riku encouraging me and standing in the same room as I spoke, I told Terra that I understood exactly why. I stated that I witnessed everything that Xehanort did thanks to the accounts of KH-BBS, and I said that I would never wish that on anybody. I said to Terra that I wanted to see him enjoy his life, and that I would be a good friend who would do anything to help him get back the joy that he missed out on for 11 years.

So when I could go on a mission with Riku, I would. But the mission would be so dangerous that Riku wouldn’t let me go no matter how strong I claimed to be, Terra was always the first person he took me to, and in turn Terra would always be the first one to offer to look after me on Riku’s behalf. And then even in a streak of no missions, I lived with Riku on the islands, but I would occasionally go for sleepovers at the Land of Departure.

Aqua and Ventus would sometimes spend time with us, but everybody understood that Terra was my special connection to that place. So as Aqua would have bonding time Ventus, Terra would have it with me. I remember once, I brought a couple of canvas over as I wanted to see if Terra could paint. He didn’t have that steady-a-hand, and unfortunately he ended up making a bit of a mess, but we could make out that the painting was of him, Aqua and Ventus.

I ended up painting a picture of me, with the Land of Departure in the background, holding my Spirit of Brigid keyblade. Why did I decide to draw this keyblade? Firstly, I thought it fit the royal aesthetic of the place. But secondly, I had this memory while painting. The first time I picked up that keyblade, I didn’t realised it was serving as a music box as I heard the school song playing from within the metal! I remember I had to actually slap the keyblade, and that’s when the music stopped and I could use it as a keyblade and not a darn radio. In-fact these days, when the Spirit of Brigid plays the school song, Riku laughs, and he sometimes even slaps the keyblade for me.

So after I spent the night and/or day with Terra, Riku would come to collect me, and Terra would tell him what a great time we had, and if Terra actually had fun. And then Riku would take me home, back to the islands. That same evening, we would walk along the beach, and Riku would ask me for my perspective on the stay. And sometimes, depending on what I told Riku, he would turn my experience into lessons and give me further advice or insights into life.

I would ask how Riku’s missions went, but sometimes he wouldn’t say much. I knew he still kept some things to himself, but at the same time, I understood. It’s not because he couldn’t trust me. Instead, it was more because he likely wouldn’t wish his experiences on me, or something really bad happened to him that he just had to keep it inside. However, for as long as I was under Riku’s roof, even on our bad days, we would always end the night and start the new day together. We slept in his bed, and he’d have his arm over me, ready to comfort me if I had any nightmares.

So yes I may be trapped in my own house, outside the KH world at the moment. But when I think about the day that Riku took me in; Lea and Roxas taking me out for ice-cream whenever I visited Twilight town; Terra babysitting me, and having the delicious dinners that Aqua made, it’s like there with me at this very moment, and I know I’ll be back to see them soon.

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Hope you enjoyed reading that piece! Now to race to get Day 6 and 7 out in a reasonable time-frame so it isn't too late outside the week. Day will contain a special drawing that I trying to finish. Day 7 may be another written piece.

[queerdiaz]

Born this way with Alex

I’m sorry this took me a few days but thank you so much for the prompt! Also, this did not mean to be so long. Oops. Anyways. Hope you enjoy :)

Warning: Mentions of past homophobia. 

                                                  ______

                                        Born This Way

                                                  ______

Alex was wandering in the hallways of Los Feliz HIgh School after supporting Julie on her first performance in her music class without them. The rest of the band had performed with her at her school a couple of more times after their first time for pep rallies and dances. The principal tried to book them as much as she could to show that the new breakout band, Julie and The Phantoms, who were now starting to perform at big venues, like the Orpheum, were discovered at her school. He always couldn’t help but be amused by that. 

For a big part of her final grade for her semester, Julie had to perform by herself. Reggie had been confused as to why she was nervous of singing solo in her high school class when she had already sung solo in the Orpheum of all places. But Alex understood. Not only did he have anxiety about practically everything, but doing things that had a lot of emotional weight to them even when you seemed to be getting passed them could be very nerve-wracking. And even though all three of them had the urge to perform with her, they knew that they couldn’t and that she’d completely kill it anyways. Which she did, of course.

After the class was over, Julie had her free period. But, instead of spending it with the boys and Flynn, she and Luke wanted some ‘alone’ time together. Meanwhile, Flynn had a marketing team meeting for the band, which now had at least eight members from the school and a lot more clamoring for the chance to be a part of it. And Reggie was so excited and happy for Julie that he couldn't help but want to tell Ray right away. And unlike before, Julie’s dad could now see them and respond back to him.

Whatever Julie did to save their souls from being obliterated into existence, not only made her be able to touch them all, but made them able to show themselves to lifers without just performing with her. Usually they had to be with Julie in order for lifers to see them, but if they had a bond with a lifer, like the guys did with Flynn and Julie’s family, then they could see them without Julie. But they still didn’t show themselves to lifers very much.

Alex especially didn’t.

He wanted to focus more on trying to figure just how this was all possible. He and Willie came up with different theories, but nothing too concrete yet.

Besides, he kinda liked being invisible. He could be his full self and still be in front of lifers without worrying about what they were thinking about him. Like Willie had mentioned that day at the museum, being a drummer had not only helped him with his anxieties and frustrations, but helped him feel confident and be his full self in front of an entire crowd of people. And being a ghost gave him that same freedom, they just couldn’t see him. And he was okay with that, for the most part.

It actually sorta liberated him in a way.

Alex could do whatever he wanted in front of someone and he didn’t have to worry about their responses. Like that time when he danced on stage with Carrie. He had felt so free, like he could do whatever he wanted and just be. Of course his band could see him when he did it. And even though he just knew Julie for a short time, he knew he didn’t have to worry about her and the guys judging him or seeing him differently.

Like his family had.

Even after apparently 25 years of being dead, it still was only less than a year for Alex when he came out to his family. And they never treated him the same since. He used to remind himself that he was lucky. They didn’t say anything demeaning to him and kicked him out or anything like that. Heck, they even still let Sunset Curve have their studio in the back of the house.

But they still acted differently toward him after that fateful night.

In retrospect, he supposed that having the guys there as support for him might’ve not been the best approach, especially the way his parents had looked at him and Luke sitting next to each other. But Alex didn’t care, because he knew that he wouldn’t have done it without the band. Maybe he would have later on, but given the fact that just six months later he would die of an oldsmobile street dog, who knows if he would’ve gotten another chance.

And Alex was glad that he did it when he did.

Of course it stung when his parents would treat him so...differently. It was sometimes hard to even explain it. Sometimes they’d give him these strange looks whenever they didn’t think that he was looking. Like he was this weird alien living in their house, and not the son that they had raised and loved for seventeen years. And they also stopped inviting him to places and family outings, even assuming that he wouldn’t want to go to church anymore. And even when he wanted to, they heavily implied that they didn’t want him to go, always using the excuse, “Don’t you want to practice more with your band?”

However, as he and the guys would always say, it was on them and not him for thinking anything of him any less than the same boy they knew who was anxious about everything and allergic to nuts. It wasn’t his fault that they had seen him differently just because they found out that he liked boys instead of girls.

Besides, he had his real family now.

And even though he was...you know...dead, after everything he and the band went through, Alex was happy.

And as far as ghosts went, he had a pretty sweet deal. Unlike most ghosts, he could still connect with lifers, and in the best way too. That connection he’d feel with the audience while he’d rock out on his drums as he and the band would play the best musical experiences? Priceless. But he also just liked being a ghost in general. He could be in a crowd of lifers and do what he wanted, not having to worry about their judgments or what they’d think of him. He also liked to watch people and make faces or do silly dances in front of them because he could. As he said earlier, there was a sort of freedom in all of it.

However, there was that part deep down inside of him that felt like part of the reason why he liked being invisible was because that way lifers couldn’t disappoint him by not appreciating who he was whenever he wasn’t rocking out.

Alex immediately pushed those thoughts away and continued to People Watch as he wandered the hallways some more. It really was a cool thing to be a ghost and see people during moments where they normally weren’t seen.

Suddenly, he heard music with a great pop beat start to play from one of the rooms ahead. Curiosity taking over, he poofed in front of the door, and saw that it was the dance room that Julie and Flynn had talked about before. It was empty except for one person in the middle of the giant space seeming to be dancing in freestyle.

It didn’t take long for Alex to realize that the person was Carrie, Julie’s ex-best friend turned enemy turned back to sorta friend now? He was a little confused and fuzzy on the details. All he knew was that her and Julie and Flynn seemed to be, or at least on their way of becoming, good with each other again. She also found out about the Phantoms being...well actual phantoms, but to everyone’s surprise, she promised not to say anything.

Especially considering who her dad was.

Carrie couldn’t see them without Julie being in the same room, so she didn’t notice Alex’s arrival. Instead she danced to the infectious beat that he couldn’t help but move his feet a bit to.

She then started to sing along to the voice of the song coming from her phone.

My mama told me when I was young

"We are all born superstars"

She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on

In the glass of her boudoir

From his spot near the door, his legs and arms started to move with the music as well.

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"

She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"

He stopped for a moment, struck by the lyrics.

"So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far

Listen to me when I say"

The beat then started to get a little faster, making him start to move his body again, this time faster and more of actual dancing. Carrie then began to sing louder.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way (Born this way)

A strange sensation formed within him as he danced to the rhythm and listened to the lyrics. It was mostly like the feelings he’d get when he found a new favorite song or jammed to an old favorite. But this. This felt slightly...different in a way. But a great different. One that made his feet and entire body move with the music, as he danced further into the room.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen, Carrie sang putting one hand on her hip and the other in the air, similar to how she did in her previous performances.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Alex mimed her movement, feeling completely consumed by the song.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Don't be (Don't be, don't be)

The tempo then slowed just a bit, probably going to the next verse, he figured.

Give yourself prudence and love your friends

Subway kid, rejoice your truth

In the religion of the insecure

I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin

Believe capital H-I-M, hey, hey, hey

I love my life, I love this record and

Mi amore vole fe yah (Same DNA)

Tears formed in his eyes at the words, feeling like the song was talking directly to him, considering what he was just thinking about with his parents. Alex then lifted his hands up in the air, completely feeling the moment. He continued to dance like no one was watching - and literally no one was.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

Alex had started to sing along with Carrie and the beautiful voice on her phone, closing his eyes and completely letting the magic of the music consume him.

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way (Born this way)

Suddenly a loud shriek made Alex quickly open his eyes. Carrie was looking him straight in the eye through the mirror, one hand on her heart and one on her hip, anger seeming to simmer out of her.

“Hey, Casper, you can’t just sneak up on a girl like that!” She exclaimed with a hiss before rushing to get her phone that was in front of the mirror along with her bag. She then turned the music off, making Alex instantly miss it.

He put his hands up in surrender. “Sorry! I didn’t think you could see me!”

Carrie looked at him again and placed both of her hands on her hips this time, sending a deathly glare at him. “Oh. So you were just being a creeper who didn’t think you would get caught, is that?”

“No, no no!” Alex quickly replied, shaking his head and hands frantically. “It wasn’t anything like that, I swear! Trust me.”

She seemed to study him for a moment before giving him an expectant look. “Then what was it like?”

Alex shoved his hands in his pockets and then shyly told her, “I watched Julie’s performance during music class and was just wandering the halls when I heard the song you were playing.”

Her eyes immediately perked at that as a smile spread her face. “You like Gaga?”

He gave her a confused look, though the name sounded vaguely familiar. “What’s a ‘Gaga’?” He asked, using air quotes for the last word.

Carrie stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t know who Lady Gaga is? She’s an icon!”

“Is she some kind of royal who sings killer pop songs?”

She seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding. “Well basically yes. Just not in the kind of royal you’re thinking of. A much more important one.”

“So she’s like pop royalty?” He asked.

“Absolutely.” She then pursed her lips. “I’m actually kinda surprised that Julie or Flynn hasn’t introduced you to her yet. They both love her almost as much as I do.”

Alex thought about it for a moment. “Actually, come to think of it, I think they mentioned her before but I was too afraid to ask what in the world a gaga was.”

Carrie shrugged. “Well now you know.”

An awkward silence passed between them.

“So…” she began to say, breaking the silence first, “that was your first time hearing Born This Way or Gaga in general, right?”

He nodded.

“Did you like it?”

“It was amazing! I haven’t felt so connected to a song that wasn’t our band’s in quite a while.” He felt himself start to get a little emotional thinking about the lyrics and just the song in general, and how it made him feel. It was always an amazing thing when a song could touch your soul like that. Especially when it played right when you needed it.

Carrie smiled, seeming to have a knowing glint in her eye. “Yeah. Gaga can do that to you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled back. “I guess I was feeling it so much while singing and dancing to it along with you that it made you able to see me.”

“Damn.” She began to say in awe. “I knew Lady Gaga was powerful, but wow.”

Her saying that reminded him of the first song he heard her sing. “Hey, that reminds me. I like that song that you sang at that pep rally before our band sang for the first time. The one where you said ‘Wow’ a lot.”

Her eyes lit up again at that. “You mean “Wow”?”

“Yeah! And I like all of the other ones Dirty Candy sang too.” He then placed his hand around his cheek like he was telling her a secret. “But All Eyes On Me is my personal favorite.”

“You like my music?” She asked, pleasantly surprised.

“Absolutely! They always bring my inner ‘Dancing Queen’ out, as what my friends like to call it.”

She let out a small laugh. “Thank you.” Carrie smiled brightly at him. “You know, Gaga is one of my many influences. I listen to her as a warm up every time to help get me inspiration for my new song or choreo.”

“That’s so cool.”

“Wanna dance to her some more?”

He gave her a bright smile and nodded so vehemently that he thought his head was going to pop up. “Yes please!”

She clasped her hands together. “Great! Then I can give you a list of her songs that you have to check out first. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Carrie then went back to her phone and played where the song left off.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Baby, I was born this way (Born this way)

They sang and danced with all the energy they had.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Right track, baby

They both then sang at the top of their lungs, “I was born this way!”

***

A couple hours later, Alex met up with Willie, having a giant pep in his step and gave his boyfriend a giant smile that was even wider than usual.

“Hey, Hotdog! Someone seems more chipper than usual.”

Alex waved a casually dismissive hand, “Oh it’s nothing.”

He felt a little insecure about telling Willie about his latest music discovery and how much it helped him. Even though he knew that his boyfriend not only knew how much music meant to him, but would never demean things that made him happy.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing. What is it?’ Willie asked, giving him a soft and encouraging smile.

“Oh, it’s just that I found this new song and artist.” Alex shyly began to say.

His boyfriend’s smile grew. “Yeah?”

Alex shoved his hands in his pockets and began to kick the air in front of him. “Have you heard of Lady Gaga?”

Willie laughed, “Yeah I’ve heard of Gaga.” Instant fear shot up within Alex. “She’s great, right?”

The fear dissipated and turned into a sense of relief. He didn’t know why it mattered to him so much if Willie liked this Lady Gaga person. Hell, there were artists and songs that Willie liked that Alex didn’t and vice versa. And it was the same with his band, although they’d often end up having good-natured arguments about it. So why was this any different?

Alex nodded. “Yeah. I really like her songs I’ve heard so far.”

He gave him another encouraging smile. “Yeah, which ones?”

“Well, I like all of them. But Born This Way was the first one I heard and it’s my favorite.”

Willie’s smile brightened. “Yeah, mine too.” He then placed his hand on top of Alex’s. “Here follow me.”

Confused as to what was happening, Alex followed Willie, hands firmly intact, as they headed further down the boardwalk. They then stopped at more of a private part of the beach that seemed to be having some sort of event.  

“I heard that someone was having a wedding tonight and I wanted to take you.”

“A-a wedding? Why-why would you want to-to take m-me to a wed-wedding?” Alex stammered and mentally scolded himself for acting like such an idiot.

Willie chuckled. “Relax, Hotdog. I love going to weddings as a ghost.”

“To skate?”

“I do skate, yeah. But I go because I love to see all of the different kinds of people that attend and the drama that no one sees. But mostly I like to see what kind of music they have.” He waggled his brow mischievously. “And if it’s a DJ or DJ system I like to mess with the lifers and put on random songs to see everyone’s reactions.”

It was Alex’s turn to chuckle. “That actually sounds really fun.”

Willy’s smile brightened even more. “I thought you would think so. That’s why I brought you here.” He squeezed his hand three times, making Alex’s ghost heart skip a beat. “Let’s go!” He then pulled Alex with him further into the wedding reception.

They stopped in the middle of the dancefloor, where there were a few lifers slow dancing. Alex gulped, waiting for them to slow dance as well. Willie then pointed to the DJ setup and snapped his hand. Suddenly the beat of a song that Alex may or may not have listened to at least three times that day, started to fill the speakers.

Alex felt his lips spread into a giant smile once more and laughed when he noticed the shocked reactions on the wedding’s patrons' faces from the sudden song change.

“Thought you might like that.” Willy announced proudly, giving him a soft look.

They then noticed how the patrons were now starting to dance to the song, making even more people coming up to the dance floor.

Alex was the first to start dancing, WIlly immediately following right after.

There were some moments where they danced next to each other, and other where their hands would collide and they’d do different moves like swinging each other around. Sometimes they would go through the lifers or dance around them. But all the while they were singing at the top of their lungs as well.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Whether you're broke or evergreen

You're black, white, beige, cholo descent

You're Lebanese, you're orient

Whether life's disabilities

Left you outcast, bullied, or teased

Rejoice and love yourself today

Dancing next to each other again, they both then turned to one another, grabbed the other’s hands, and softly sang, “'Cause baby, you were born this way”

They then went back to belting it out at the top of their lungs.

No matter gay, straight, or bi

Lesbian, transgender life

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born to survive

No matter black, white, or beige

Chola or orient made

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born to be brave!

Alex shouted the last part as loud as he could, throwing an arm in the air.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way, yeah

They continued to dance and sing, having the time of their ghost lives.

Once the song was getting to the end, the two boys latched their hands together and started to sing the rest to each other.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Baby, I was born this way (Born this way)

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Right track, baby

I was born this way

I was born this way, hey

I was born this way, hey

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

They then leaned closer to each other for the last part.

I was born this way, hey

I was born this way, hey

I'm on the right track, baby

They sang softly to each other, their lips only a few inches apart.

“I was born this way, hey!”

And then their lips collided, their giant smiles remaining.

[cherrycocaineee]

4. Park Jimin - Cafe Date

    Sandalwood and bonfire candles burned throughout the house drifted through the open door blanketing my nose while I was hanging up some fake spider webs. Marshall was carrying the bundle of webs in his arms while I weaved them in the corners. Mom came out with a tray with two glasses filled with eggnog; a large smile appeared on her face when she saw how much we’ve done in a short period of time.

  “This is beautiful. You kids did such a great job!” She praised.

 “Mom,” Marshall said, “we aren’t kids. I’m literally twenty-two, and Brielle is nineteen.”

  “You’ll always be kids to me.”

Marshall and I put the decorations down to enjoy the nice, sweet, holiday drink that our mom had brought out to us. While I took small sips, Marshall gulped it down in a single swift motion.

  A black Porsche pulled into our driveway, coming to a complete stop inches from our garage door. The windows were tinted, so none of us could see whoever was inside the vehicle, until the door opened and climbed out of they’re seat.

Jimin’s blonde hair and black roots appeared as he lifted himself out of his car, a happy smile on his handsome face.

  “안녕 자기!” (Hi, sweetheart!)

 Excitement ran through my body as I saw and heard my boyfriend, and nearly lunged myself off the porch while running into his open arms. Jimin and I began dating when I was eighteen years old, and it was great but difficult since he was constantly touring and because he lived in South Korea.

  The two of us hugged each other tightly.

 “지민, 한 달 더 있을 줄 몰랐어.” (Jimin, I wasn’t expecting you for a month.)

Neither one of us was great at speaking the opposite language that the other spoke but we still tried. If that didn’t show we loved each other, then I didn’t know what did.

  We pulled away from each other and he pressed a gentle kiss against my temple. Marshall and my mom came off the porch and greeted Jimin. My family enjoyed having my boyfriend around and they treated him like family because of that. From where we stood, I could still smell the candles burning in the house, surprisingly.

  “Jimin, would you like to come in for some eggnog?” Mom asked, her voice sweet and angelic.

 A look of confusion swept against his face before he understood completely what my mom was asking him.

  “Ah ~ no, thank you. I wanted to take Brie out for some, uh,” he made a drinking motion with his hand, “some coffee.”

Of course I was going, but I had to finish putting up the Halloween decorations for my mom. Jimin even offered to help. So for the next forty-five minutes, Jimin and I put the rest of the cobwebs up and even added some yard decorations including skeletons, tombstones, a scary pumpkin, and more webs in the trees along with fake, realistic bats and spiders.

   Taking a step back to view our work, Jimin and I smiled in accomplishment. He turned to me and grabbed my small hand. I tightened my grip. After mom admired our work, Jimin led me to his car, opened the passenger's side, and held my hand as I stepped inside the vehicle. Once he was in the car, he started the ignition, and pulled out of the driveway heading towards a coffee shop a block from my mom’s home.

As Jimin was driving, I looked out the window watching the shopkeepers putting up their simple decorations like jelly stickers and hanging ghosts. Jimin parked the car next to the coffee shop and we scooted out. On the two large windows, there were assortments of those jelly stickers that everyone else had in town. Some were pumpkins, ghosts, bats, black cats, spiders, and more spooky, Halloween characters. Jimin opened the door, the small ring of the bell echoing off the shop’s walls, and gestured me inside.

   Pumpkin spice and freshly grounded coffee pierced our noses as we entered and I inhaled deeply. I loved coffee, I loved the smell of coffee, and I especially loved the aroma during the fall. During this cool season, the smell was more intense and the warmth of it was like a blanket for my nose only. The taste was just as euphoric.

Both of us walked up to the counter, listening to the sound of talkative customers sitting at tables, and looked at the menu. I didn’t really need to look, I always got the same thing every time I came here but Jimin did. I helped him with some of the words he didn’t understand and in the end, we ordered. Jimin got an iced caramel macchiato with extra caramel syrup, and I got a pumpkin spice latte. After the barista handed our drinks, we swiped a booth near the window so there was a nice view of the multicolored leaves falling to the concrete as the wind shook them off their branches.

   I sat across from Jimin, against the window. Jimin smiled at me.

  “How have you been?” He asked, his English better than when we first met, he’d definitely been practicing.

  “I’ve been good,” I said, taking a small sip of my pumpkin coffee, “really good actually. How have you been?”

  “Really tired, but good. I have been practicing my English more since we have been coming to America more often.”

  “I can tell, you’re getting much better.”

Jimin and I took a drink of our beverages before resuming conversation.

  “How are you doing with learning Korean?” He questioned, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed the cool liquid.

I frowned and sighed, “it’s much harder than it looks, if I’m being honest.”

   I reached into my bag, which I had grabbed as we were leaving my mom’s, and pulled out a notebook that I took everywhere with me. Inside the Five Star spiral notebook were all of my Korean lessons. I opened the notebook and laid it out in front of us. Jimin leaned forward.

  “I get really confused on how to pronounce each character,” I muttered.

  “It is okay,” Jimin chirped, “I will help you since I am here.”

We spent some time on the lesson and Jimin taught me how to pronounce a lot in a twenty-five minute time span, but now the two of us were distracted by laughing at stupid things because I had mispronounced one of the characters.

    My laughter died down as my phone buzzed. Jimin leaned back and rested his arm over the back of the seat while sipping on his coffee. I picked my phone up and glanced at it. The name of my group chat popped up on the front screen and I saw that one of my friends was asking about the assignment due for Mr. Michael’s class. I chose not to answer it right now.

  “Important?” Jimin questioned.

 “Just a group chat for school,” I informed, “jealous?”

 He laughed out and it was the most captivating noise I’ve ever heard. Jimin shook his head.

  “Absolutely not,” he giggled some more, “I love and trust you.”

I covered my mouth as a small laugh escaped my own mouth.

   “How is school?” He asked.

  “It’s going great,” I said, “straight A’s. How’s touring?”

   “Oh it is amazing. I love being able to meet Army and be on several talk shows with funny people.”

  I smiled wide, “who’s your favorite talk show host?”

  “Jimmy Fallon and James Cordon. They are my favorite.”

I loved watching the interviews with Jimin and his group members, they always seemed to have so much fun with it. The idea of him traveling all through America and other countries meeting new people and performing new songs for their fans. I loved traveling, so I hoped some day that I would get to travel too, either with Jimin or alone.

   Jimin leaned forward again.

 “I was thinking maybe you can come visit South Korea on your vacation,” he said, “I will pay for the ticket.”

  My brown orbs widened at his words. I was shocked by his invitation because I never thought he would ask me to come visit him in Korea. But what shocked me the most was what he said next.

  “I want you to meet my mom and dad. I already told them about you, they are wanting to meet you too.”

  “Oh Jimin,” I whispered, a few tears escaping my eyes and sliding down my cheek, thanking myself for not wearing any makeup today.

  He grabbed my hand, “사랑해, 브리.” (I love you, Brie.)

  “사랑해요, 지민.” (I love you, Jimin.)

After we finished drinking our coffee, I ordered another to go and we left. Jimin didn’t have to worry about fans seeing him here because the town was so small, so Jimin wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked to the car. It was a subtle romantic gesture, and I loved it.

   Jimin, once again, opened the passenger’s side and helped me in. I thanked him and he leaned down, kissing me on the forehead. On the drive home, Jimin rested his hand on my thigh and we jammed out to crappy music playing on the radio at that time.

Marshall was sitting outside with his friend, Jackson, when Jimin pulled into the driveway. I looked over at Jimin.

  “Do you have somewhere to be, or do you want to come in and watch a movie?”

He took a quick glance at his phone before answering, “I have time. Come on, we can watch a romantic movie.”

  Jimin was always a big flirt, even when I first met him. It was one of the qualities that I loved the most about him. The two of us kissed. His hand touched the side face with his large hand, deepening the kiss and making my heart flutter. When he pulled away, I bit my bottom lip.

  “Come on,” he said, his voice was husky from the kiss, “let’s go inside.”

Nodding, I followed my boyfriend inside the house. My brother and his friend waved at us as we passed. However, we didn’t stop for long to chat, I knew Jimin would be leaving soon and I knew I would be able to see him for months, so I wanted to spend as much time with him alone.

   We decided on an action movie, and cuddled into my bed, entangled into each other’s arms. I looked up at Jimin and felt love and admiration for this man. He was honestly the most amazing man I ever knew. He looked down at me, pressed a single peck on my forehead, and nuzzled closer to me. The sound of his heartbeat thumping against his chest mixed with the sound of the movie playing. I felt at ease and relaxed against him. Everything was perfect.

[exoticarmy127]

🎧 Track 10: Unsaid Emily by Charlie Gillespie

🎵  “If I could take us back, if I could just do that And write in every empty space, the words "I love you" in replace Then maybe time would not erase me.

Featuring: BTS - Jungkook

OC - Emily Mei

Some time before.

They say words are like bullets. Easy to pull the trigger without thinking... easier said that once done, it’s impossible for the damage to be undone.

“So what, you’re sick of it? Is that what you’re saying?” Jungkook shouted as he shoved his song book into his backpack. The night had been going well and for once, he thought they could have one night—one night where he didn’t feel like pulling his hair out for once.  

“Stop putting words in my mouth, Jungkook! That’s not what I’m saying at all!” Emily shouted back as the fight escalated into a crescendo of screams and shouts. It was always about the same thing: Jungkook being too busy with his music; Emily being too busy with her studies to make time for him when he’s off practice; not having enough time for each other; not wanting to communicate; blah, blah, blah...

Jungkook was sick of it. Things were finally looking up for his band and he had poured his entire heart and soul into it. His passion. He thought Emily understood that. He thought she understood him. But to his confusion, Emily didn’t seem too happy about it.

“Really? Because it sure as hell sounds like you’re done.” He seethed. “Hell—I’m done with this sh*t!”

Silence enveloped the room and for a moment the world stopped. The fight had reached its final curtain call and Jungkook hoped there wouldn’t be an encore.

Emily looked at him, bewildered. “Jungkook...”

“Save it. I have rehearsals in fifteen. I’m already late and the guys are already at the studio. I don’t need a distraction.”

“Distraction?” She echoed as she watched him pick up his things and head for the door. Her expression contorts into something in between anger and confusion. “So what? You’re just going to leave it like that? Don’t you even care about this? About us?

“What about it?” He muttered flatly, but Emily looked like she had just been slapped.

“What about it? What exactly are you saying, Guk?” Her voice was a low whisper, like a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt. Jungkook sighed and it sounded exhausted, irritated, even; like he had already erupted and this was just the messy aftermath.

“I’m saying I’m done.” He whirled at her, his eyes empty of their usual love and affection, replaced by fierce anger and deadly sincerity. “I’m done, all right? I don’t wanna do this any more than you do.”

“Y-you don't mean that. Hell, you’re thinking I’m the villain here but all I’m saying is that if you don’t give time to what’s important to you, you’re gonna end up losing them.”

Her words hit him square in the chest and when it should have made him sad, it only angered him more.

So she’s giving up on me. She’s letting go. She doesn’t want this—doesn’t want me—anymore.

“I should get to practice already before I lose it, then.”

Jungkook knew it was the wrong answer but he couldn’t give in now. The tension was palpable in the room and he held his breath for another round of sharp words and accusations. But it never came. Emily stood there, stunned, while Jungkook continued to pack his belongings, purposely avoiding her gaze. He knew that if he looked at her now, he'd break, and they’d be back to square one. They’d make up only to fight again by the end of the week.

He could hear her sniffing and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from looking up at her. If there was one thing he hated more than fighting, it was seeing her cry.

“Look,” Emily started, her voice hoarse. “You’re just angry. We can talk after—“

“Well, I’ve been angry for a long time.” Jungkook grumbled as he made his way to the door, hastily.

“Guk, please...”

He paused by the threshold when he heard the crack in her voice and he hated how easy it could beckon him. He closed his hand into fists and pressed his lips into a thin line. He looked down at the floors of her apartment, one he had considered home more than his own for as long as he could remember.

“Let’s face it, Em. We obviously want different things now.”

“Do you really believe that?” She asked but he didn’t answer. She took a step closer, their forms lit by the single light bulb in the narrow hallway. “If you really do, then I won’t stop you.”

Jungkook lifted his gaze to the ceiling, closed his eyes and sighed. “Look, I’m tired of fighting.” He looked at her over his shoulder, his eyes cold and unyielding. “Aren’t you?”

Without another word, he slipped out the door, shutting it behind him. The click of the lock sounded much like an end... A period... A goodbye.

Jungkook left that night not knowing he’d carry the weight of his words for a very long time.

~~~

Some time after.

Jungkook gripped the guitar strap on his shoulder as he walked the empty halls of his old high school. The late afternoon sun casted orange hues across the tiled halls and over the metal lockers lining the wall. A couple of students emerged from a door to his right, but they paid him no mind and walked past him, busily talking to each other. Jungkook paused and looked over his shoulder, watching them hold hands before completely disappearing from his view as they rounded a corner. He looked down at his own hand and sighed.

He remembered it like it was yesterday: the very first time he held her hand...or rather, the first time he felt something when he did.

Flashback

Jungkook leaned against Emily’s locker, giving her one of his famed puppy eyes he knew she couldn’t resist. “Em, come on… Let’s just ditch school today and go rehearse.”

“At this rate, you’ll have to make me a member of your band.”

“You are a member. An honorary one, at least.” Jungkook grinned and batted his pretty eyes. Emily rolled her eyes but he caught the small smile tugging on the corner of her mouth.

Her very pretty mouth...

Wait, what? Jungkook blinked at the thought and cleared his throat when he felt the heat creeping to his cheeks.

“You okay?” Emily cocked an eyebrow at him and he straightened and crossed his arms, defensively.

“Fine. Now come on! Say yes.”

“No.”

“Boo.”

Emily chuckled and patted his shoulder. The action was meant to be friendly but Jungkook felt like he had been shot by lightning, his eyes in a daze as he stared at her playful smile.

“You’ll thank me later for dragging your ass back to class. Trust me.”

The hall bell rang and both their heads darted up to the ceiling.

“Sh*t! We’re gonna be late.” Emily panicked but Jungkook only leaned against the lockers again, lips curling into a smirk.

“Well, you know what they say, it’s better never than late.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, while Emily scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“That’s not how the saying goes!”

“Not in my book. Come on, let’s just skip it and—whoa!” Emily grabbed his hand and before Jungkook could process the warmth on his skin, she was dragging him through the hallway so fast; the two of them running to class hand in hand.

Jungkook was winded by the time they reached the classroom, but it wasn’t because they just rushed to the other side of the building in record time...

But because the whole time they did, not once did she let go, and it was electrifying.

End of flashback

The memory faded like a song on the radio and Jungkook’s grip on his guitar tightened. He didn’t have much time. He had to do this before...

Before it’s too late again.  

The sun was setting soon and Jungkook walked faster as he made his way to the room he was looking for. It was weird walking through these hallways. He knew where everything was. It was familiar and yet also strange, like he no longer belonged.  

That’s because I probably don’t. Not anymore... he thought bitterly.

He reached the second floor and walked to the end of the left corridor where the music room was located.

He opened the door and sighed in relief when he found it empty. He let himself in and wandered, seeing all the instruments and music sheets scattered around the room. There’s a platform at the very front, a low stage with a white screen covering it, which he supposed was either meant to be a curtain of sorts for performances or for video presentations. To its right was an open window with a sheen curtain, overlooking the quadrangle.

Jungkook found the teacher’s table to his right and ambled towards it. He reached for his song book inside his jacket and flipped through the wrinkled pages until it was on the most important page before putting it down on the desk. Next, he reached into his back pocket and retrieved a small tape recorder. He placed the device beside the song book and pressed play.

Footsteps sounded from outside and Jungkook looked back in panic before rushing to the stage and hiding behind the screen.

The door opened to voices of girls and boys but one in particular rose among them; familiar and so very...her.

“Alright guys, I’ll see what I can do, okay? And don’t be late for practice! The competition is in two weeks. And what did I always say?”

“Practice doesn’t make us perfect but it makes us better.” The students all said in unison and Jungkook smiled. He used to tell her that whenever she caught him practicing too late (which was 99% of the time).

“Okay. See you tomorrow, guys.”

“Bye, Ms. Mei!”

Jungkook swallowed as he tried to sneak a peek from behind the screen. He held his breath as he watched a woman close the door, and then turned towards the room. Emily stood there in jeans and a button-down blouse with her hair tied up in a ponytail. She was radiant as ever and looked something out of a movie scene. Jungkook smiled sadly as he gazed at her from behind the screen. She looked the same but also different, which he supposed was how time passed for people you loved...

Love.

She suddenly looked to the other side of the room, and from where Jungkook stood, it felt like she was looking right at him. Even though he knew it was impossible, his heart skipped a beat.

He held his breath as she made her way to her desk, not yet noticing the change in it. He chewed on his lip, a habit of his when he was nervous, and watched as she picked up instruments and placed them into their proper cases before finally reaching the table to organize a bunch of papers and sheet music lying around.

She lifted one of the sheets and paused, and Jungkook knew she saw it.

He stared as her face morphed from confusion, to curiosity, then to shock. She looked up, eyes looking wildly around her as if she’d find the person who left the notebook there.

She never would.

Jungkook looked down at his watch then at the open window, seeing the sun slowly sinking into the horizon, turning the skies pink and purple.

It’s time.

The sun’s rays casted a golden glow against his face and shadows crawled against the wooden floors of the music room.

Jungkook took a deep breath and watched her through the screen. He waited for a few breaths for the light to cast over the screen just right... just until he knew his shadow could be seen on the other side. When it finally did, he felt the magic spark against his skin and found his voice at last.

“Emily.”

Emily looked up at the voice, her expression somewhere in the middle of shock and fear and...sorrow.

“Who’s there…?” Her voice cracked and it sounded less of a question as her face showed recognition. Jungkook supposed he should be happy she could still remember his voice. All those nights he sang to her came rushing back and the pain in his chest grew... One he knew he could never quell.

“Don’t be afraid. It’s just me.”

Emily lets out a gasp and drops the papers she was holding. The sheets flew in all directions but she couldn’t seem to care. She turned around in a circle, looking for the impossible. But she couldn’t see anything. It was then that she laid eyes on the recorder playing on the table.

“Jungkook?” She whispered in disbelief.

“I-I know it’s sudden. But there are some things I didn’t get to say to you... that night.”

Jungkook brought his guitar to his front, letting the instrument fit against his body like second skin. Emily always told him that he carried and played it like it was a part of him. When she said that, he’d hold her hand and tell her that if there was one thing he considered a part of him, it would be her.

Back then, he meant it to be a cheesy, adoring boyfriend. Now, it was the hard truth that slapped him across the face.

“H-how is this...” Emily’s voice shook, her head turning and eyes brimming with tears as she stared wide-eyed at the tape recorder on the table.

Jungkook inhaled deeply and as he breathed out, the first few notes sounded from his guitar, his fingers moving deftly against the frets and strings like he had never stopped playing in the first place. Music was always a part of his DNA, an extension of his soul. When he played, he played with his whole heart and right now as she stared at Emily reading the page on his song book, he sang with his everything.

First things first

We start the scene in reverse

All of the lines rehearsed

Disappeared from my mind

Jungkook closed his eyes and let the music take over. People said actions spoke louder than words, but for Jungkook, his music had always been his way of showing how he truly felt. The loudest way he could express what he felt. Wearing his heart on his sleeve, he told her all the things he should’ve done...

When things got loud

One of us running out

I should've turned around

But I had too much pride

Emily covered her lips with a shaking hand and Jungkook knew she was thinking about the last time they had seen each other. How they both said some horrible things, words thrown at each recklessly without thought. Jungkook treated it like a sport. Who could say the worst things? Who would break first and give in? Even when he knew there was no chance of either of them winning.

He wasn’t even sure why he fought when he knew she was just trying to save the one thing he knew he would regret most. More than his music, Emily meant everything to him.

No time for goodbyes

Didn't get to apologize

Pieces of a clock that lies broken

Regrets were often made from the things you thought were right at the moment. Jungkook had known he made the wrong one the moment he stepped out of that door. But he just couldn’t swallow his pride and walked away. And now, he’s stuck in that moment, thinking of what could’ve been if he just turned around...

If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace

Then maybe time would not erase me

~~~

Emily trembled as she read the words, her hand splayed on the page, her fingertips tracing Jungkook’s familiar messy scrawls. The words were written in haste, which in Jungkook’s music vocabulary meant they were written with the most emotion. She could see it in the curve of his letters, in the way the ink bled through the page, showing that he was gripping the pen too tightly in either excitement or frustration. He saw it in the scrawls, the words scratched over as he struggled to find the right words—the right lyrics that will reflect his feelings. A tear fell from her eye.

The one thing Emily learned about Jungkook in the years that they were together was that he wasn’t the most expressive of people. He was quiet, always in his own world, in his own music headspace. But Emily knew him like the back of her hand. So well that she could easily tell what he was feeling through his eyes.

She couldn’t forget the night he left and how he gazed at her...like he was done, like he didn’t love her anymore.

If you could only know I'd never let you go

And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave...

Unsaid Emily.

Emily loved Jungkook’s music. It was one of the things he loved about him. So when his career started to take off, she did nothing but support him. It was given blindly out of love and belief that he could make it big. That his talent was big enough for the world.

But she never thought of the consequences. Never thought his dreams would be the reason he would drift father away from her each day, until they were no more than just strangers.

But Jungkook would never be a stranger, she thought sadly. A heartbreaking memory, perhaps. But never a stranger.

~~~

Silent days, mysteries and mistakes

Who'd be the first to break?

Guess we're alike that way

The problem with two people who were both passionate and strong-willed was that they were both willing to prove they’re right. Near the end of their relationship, they barely even talked. The silence deafening and stretching for days on end...

Jungkook wished he broke the silent spell then and shouted out from the rooftops how much he loved her.

He said, she said

Conversations in my head

And that's just where they're gonna stay forever

Emily’s tears began to fall, the tears staining the paper in front of her as she read the lyrics. Her hands shook, her heart ached in her chest, and it felt like with every note and every line, her heart cracked just a little bit… her once broken heart, breaking once again.

When he walked out that night, she forgot to say should’ve asked him...

Stay.

If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace

Then maybe time would not erase me

If you could only know I'd never let you go

And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave

Unsaid Emily

Emily sank to her knees, shaking and crying as she held the song book to her chest. The echoes of the song still ringing in her ears. Jungkook watched with tears in his eyes. If there was one thing he hated more than anything, it was seeing the love of his life crying and being the reason for it.

She cried for the time they wasted fighting. He cried for the time stolen from him and could never get back. But most of all, they cried for the time—and love they lost.

“I’m sorry.” He croaked as the tears continued to fall. “I never meant it. I was never tired.”

Emily looked up at his words, her eyes zeroing in on the screen. Jungkook gasped as it felt like she was looking right at him.

The sun was so low that he could catch the blue hour slipping through that small window of time from the way the shadows began to disappear. He held his breath as she walked towards the platform, the song book clutched to her chest. With the remaining light, he hoped she could see him.

“Guk?”

Jungkook choked out a sob as he reached out to the screen and spread his palm over it. Emily’s breath hitched as she lifted her right hand over it, until they were hand to hand.

Jungkook let out a shaky breath when he saw the shadow of her hand against his through the screen. She’s so close...

And yet lifetimes apart.

“I-I don’t know what’s happening but you have to know…” Emily whispered to the wind but Jungkook heard her loud and clear. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too.”

Jungkook shook his head. He should’ve been relieved but he wasn’t. He wasn’t because one stupid decision costed him so much. Costed him a life with the person he loved the most.

It’s almost time...

A voice reverberated in his head, making his heart quicken in panic. I don’t have much time, he wanted to say. But he knew there was only ever one thing left to say…

“Emily, I lo—”

The sun dipped and the shadow disappeared from the screen, leaving the room dark and blue with the beginnings of silver moonlight shining from the window. And then there was an eerie silence.

Emily gasped when a gust of wind blew through the open window, turning the page of the song book to the next...

She cried even more when she read the three words written in his handwriting.

~~~

Some time in between.

Jungkook finished the song at midnight, his fingertips scarred from playing his guitar for hours, his hand dotted with ink stains, and his chest heaving from satisfaction and excitement as he stared at the open page in front of him.

It’s done.

“Now I just have to sing it to her.” Jungkook licked his lips as he turned to the next page and wrote the words: I love you. 

He looked up at the clock and saw the time but he didn’t care. He'd break in through her window if he had to.

Emily had to know how he felt. It had been two days since the big fight and Jungkook couldn’t eat or sleep. He knew he should’ve returned to her immediately, but he had to wait. He had to show her he was sorry. And he had to do it in the most sincere way possible… through song.

With his guitar on his back, he took his bike and kicked his foot against the asphalt with his song book rolled and tucked in his back pocket.

He raced through the streets, ready to tell her the words... “I’m sorry”... “I’m not tired”... “I don’t hate you...”

I love you.

With thoughts of Emily and her bright, kind eyes, Jungkook sped across an intersection. There was a sudden searing light, a ringing in his ears, and...

Then nothing.

The last thing Jungkook remembered was the sight of broken wood pieces and strings... and the lyrics to a song unsung with words unsaid.

End 

Hello, my dears! Did you miss me? I loved this song so much and it inspired me so thought I’d express it through fanfic. haha!

I hope everyone is staying safe and well. It’s been a weird past few months (or year really) but we’re pushing through and I hope you are too! I hope you guys enjoyed this scenario. Even though it made you cry (hell it made me cry!) Btw, this song is from the sound track of the Netflix series, Julie and the Phantoms. Go watch it if you haven’t! It’s good! I am hoping for a season 2~

Do let me know what you think of this and let me know if you guys have some song recs for this series. ;)

- Kaye Allen

LSS PLAYLIST ; mobile 

[phanique]

Dear Stray Kids

Dear Stray Kids,

I only started listening to your songs around Aug 2020. The only song I actually have heard of before that was M.I.A as my friend had posted the lyrics and I quite liked it so I kept it in my playlist but that was all.

It was only when I started listening to God's Menu one day as it became popular that I started listening to your songs and I started listening to more of your songs. And then I found out that your songs were self-produced which made it even more special. You were singing what you wanted to convey by yourself and that felt more personal and more sincere in a way.

It was also around that time that I started college and it was and still is extremely difficult for me. I could not adjust to college, did super badly and I just felt like I was not alive. When I listened to your songs, I really felt that someone understood my pain and was comforting me in a way.

For You / Mixtape #3

We don’t know how much hope lies in the outcome but Don’t ever hate yourself Right now you probably don’t have any time to rest Everyone knows from experience

During that period of time, I really understood the part where of not having time to rest. I was waking up at 6.30am, in school at 8.30am, end school at 8pm and finish getting cleaned at 10pm, and I still have homework to do deadlines to catch up. This is probably what many have already experienced but it was a first for me and I could not see myself surviving this for much more.

It’s been hard, hasn’t it? Short increments of sleep, fighting sleep Time must have passed a lot It shows in your expression Tiresome, you wrestle with the pen you hold It seems you and I are very alike It's hard right? I know It’s okay to cry, it’s not a bad thing

I learnt that it was okay to cry and I don't know how many times I have actually cried while listening to this part. I held onto myself so much and it amazes me how this one sentence can just make me let go and cry.

Haven

Do whatever you want

When this song was released, I was extremely happy that I could hear this song. It encouraged me to do things that I have never done before and also have fun and relax.

4419

How are you doing? Your spot next to me feels so empty I try pushing back the unforgettable days But I wonder how you’re doing

This song made me reminisce the past and the memories I had with my friends. When I entered college, I did not make the effort to keep in contact with my friends from my previous school. it is still difficult for me to do so now but I am trying now and to me that it what matters.

Grow Up

You’re doing fine You’re doing fine Have strength, just endure a little more I’ll be next to you

I am always reminded that I am not alone physically and I have friends and family that still believe in me (for whatever reason because sometimes I cannot believe why they do not give up on me when I am giving up on myself).

Voices

Stop, the judgmental sound about me I just get annoyed as if they're the noise between floors At some point, I started to hear these nagging sounds only Now it's noisy, I don't wanna hear no more

Society has grown in a way that we seem to need to be made on way or another. Even though I know of it, there are still times where I want to be like the others, I want to be skinnier, smarter, richer, have a boyfriend, be a social butterfly, have perfect time management etc. I am getting better each day in my own way and I do not need to follow what others expect of me always.

(ONE OK ROCK - Stand Out Fit In is also one that conveys this)

I am YOU

I found YOU, I found me in you I can see me in you In the same place, in the same time Let me run, let me run, let me run along with YOU

We might be hundreds of kilometres away, I might never see you in real life. I sometimes still think that you do not exist since I cannot see you but I really think that I can see me in you, and I will follow what you have to show me.

YOU MAKE STRAY KIDS STAY. That is what you have always said. But I do hope you realise that STRAY KIDS MAKE US STAY too.

Thank you for being here with me.

[keijikunn]

Memories ─ part ii

── A @celestialarchiveshq collab “Connected by fate”

Pairing: Semi Eita x fem!reader Tags: college!au, kinda angst i guess, fluff, SLOW BURN, maybe strangers to lovers!au Summary: On the last day of the year, you dream of your soulmate’s most impactant memory that happened within the year. Each memory will be different each year. Word count: ~5.4k

Author’s note: Second part is up guys! Hope you all enjoy it, and please let me know what you're thinking so far! Reblogs are appreciated <3

WARNINGS: insecurity, mention of injury (it’s a broken arm), self-esteem issues, let me know if I forgot anything

MEMORIES’ MASTERLIST

2005 (age of 11)

The gymnasium was filled with the sound of the sneakers against the hard wooden floor, constant screams of “left!”, “right!”, “block!” and occasional cheerings when someone scored a point. Your soulmate was excited for practice as usual, the love he felt towards volleyball was huge, and the bubbling sensation on his stomach gave away he was excited for something. 

“Boys, gather up!” The coach called the team near the benches, everyone sitting on the floor in front of the man. “It’s time to announce which positions you’ll play for the next season, and possibly for the rest of your middle school years.”

A list of names got called, the younger ones assigned to variate between a couple of positions; the older ones were mostly spikers or middle blockers. With naive eyes, being able to score points for the team was euphoric, as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders. Your soulmate waited restlessly, a part of his mind wandering on his arduous training, trying his best to achieve his dream position in the team.

He called his name, eyes quickly to find his coach’s face. “You’ll be the on the start lineup as setter.”

Your soulmate gasped, his lips quickly turning upwards as he smiled in ecstasy. His close friends lightly punched his back and arms, congratulating his hard work. All the boy could think was his father’s words about how your efforts are paid back, just like his guitar classes. He thought about the countless practices he tried his best to improve, asking tips to his coaches and seniors, tossing a ball against his bedroom wall - only to hear Aime complain about it during dinner. 

It felt good, amazing even. He understood the concept of working hard perfectly, after experiencing it twice. Something inside him made himself feel unstoppable, as long as he has his determination to do better, he could achieve every and anything he ever dreamed about. Your soulmate had never felt such proudness of himself before, and he had every reason to feel like it. 

2006 (age of 12)

Semi’s relationship with his relatives was good, all his uncles and aunts were nice to him, his older cousins never really bothered him and the younger ones were funny to play tag games. However, the boy wasn’t excused of having a certain degree of dislike towards his same-age cousin Touma. Being born in the same year was great when they were little, playdates worked well and they’d always make each other’s company during boring adults reunion. 

Things started to change once they got older and started elementary school. Touma was constantly praised in his school, claimed as the best student in his year, with almost perfect scores and impeccable participation in events. Semi used to be happy for his cousin, but the feeling changed once the other started to brag about himself, belittling Semi’s achievements and efforts. 

After that, their relationship was never the same, and both of them knew it. The thing was that their mothers weren’t aware of the sudden change of affection between them, resulting in regular Sunday lunches over their place. It was uncomfortable the silence between them, the pair sitting on opposite ends of the large sofa, doing their best to ignore the other’s presence. 

“Aunt!” Touma called Semi’s mother, a too innocent smile on his face. “Did mom tell you that I’m the best student in my school? And the teachers want to subscribe me in a Math competition?”

“That’s great to hear, Touma-kun! You’re really smart!” His mother cheered way too excited, Semi noted, and the boy tried to recall every time he had big news to tell if his mom praised him like she did with his cousin. 

“Even the director talked to me about changing a few classes, saying Touma is capable of attending advanced classes.” His aunt gushed with pride. “And he’s even the best player in the soccer team!”

“Wow, Touma, you’re really amazing!” Semi was undeniably jealous at how easily his mother complimented someone who wasn’t her own son. He was furious at her, at Touma, but especially at himself for not doing better to receive the same praises. 

“I’m naturally good, aunt! I don’t have to study or practice more to improve.” His cousin stated, sending Semi and side look in a provocative way, like inciting him to fight back. “And what about Eita-kun?”

“Eita always tries his best in volleyball and guitar practices,” his mom started, fidgeting with the cloth she used to dry the washed plates. “He’s a hardworking boy, right, Eita?”

“Yeah…” he muttered in response, feeling his heart drop to his stomach. Did his mother lie to him about working hard on what you love? To earn her compliments he should be a genius, be born good at that thing and that’s that? 

The rage inside him was replaced by disappointment, even sadness. His parents lied to him just to make him happy because he was their son, it was their obligation to hype their children even if they weren’t that happy. Semi wondered if his mother would’ve lied to Touma if he was her son - and the answer came quite easily: she wouldn’t, because she had no reason to do so. 

At that moment, everything he believed started to fall apart. His concept of being good, of worth of praise and recognition. Years of proudness were thrown away in mere seconds, a mentality Semi built to face every challenge destroyed in the worst way possible: by his own mother.

I bet mom wanted a son like Touma, she’d replace me easily. 

I’m not good enough, am I?

The following days after the first rehearsal you had with the band, you and Semi met up more often to talk about your project, what you have so far and what do you wanted from him. Although Semi didn’t spare snarky comments towards you, he was cooperative and even suggested a thing or two. 

“So, what’s the lyrics?” Semi asked, both of you were in a small café near the campus. His long and slim fingers tapped the wooden table, while his left - and injured - arm rested near his body. 

“Well,” you started, offering a sheepelesly smile. “It’s your story, you should write it.”

“It’s your project, Y/n.” He tried to correct you, closing tightly his jaw in annoyance. Overall it was quite easy to read the singer’s body language, it being more expressive than his words. 

“My project is to produce a song - which I’ll do when you come up with the lyrics.” The man didn’t seem to be convinced, but either way let out a long sigh, bothered by the situation. “Whatever you want to tell the world, any suppressed feelings, I’m all ears to your ideas.”

Semi visibly was taken aback at your choice of wording, mouth slightly slacking and his brown pupils quivered as he lowered his gaze to the table. You knew it was rather dangerous to suggest something like that, giving the fact he resisted for a while before agreeing to help you. On the other hand, though, it was your only chance to get what you really wanted: a song filled with the deepest and rawest emotions. 

Much like your soulmate, the man in front of you closed himself from the others. The last 10 years, you dreamed about a very hard tempered, isolated and hurt boy and you didn’t truly understand those feelings. Semi, in your judgment (that you acknowledged could be completely wrong), gave off the impression he might understand him. Perhaps through Semi, you would be able to comfort your soulmate, because regardless of his belief or not in being destined together, you needed to do anything to sooth his doubts.

“Semi-san?” A male voice broke the silence you two fell into without noticing, lifting you head, you saw a rather tall guy standing by the side of your table. He sported a sharp and uneven haircut alongside with a tired expression, though his eyes were wide opened in surprise. 

“Oh, Shirabu.” Semi breathed out the name, also surprised by the sudden encounter. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah…” the awkwardness between them made you fidget in your seat, averting your eyes from them to look straight into your cup of coffee. “How- how are you doing?”

“Fine, actually- and you? Heard you were accepted in med school,” the singer commented. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” 

“Oh, uh- Y/n, this is Shirabu.” Semi introduced you two as you briefly exchanged a polite ‘hello’, a bit awkward by the situation. “We used to play in the same volleyball team during high school.”

“Oh, nice.” You reacted slightly rushed, the tension between the two previous teammates was growing as the seconds passed by. “Was Semi a good teammate? I’m playing support in his band and I can say he’s quite demanding.”

“Yes!” Shirabu exclaimed quickly, his nervousness showing off. “Semi-san was a good teammate and a respectful senpai.”

“Though you respected Wakatoshi the most, right?” Though you presumed Semi said that to joke around his underclassman, at some instance you felt bitterness hidden behind the playful comment. He laughed half-heartedly as Shirabu panicked to give him a proper answer. “I’m joking, relax.”

“I have to go, actually,” the younger man stated, offering the two of you an apologetic smile. “I have another period to attend… Anyways, it was nice to meet you, Semi-san, Y/n-san. Bye!”

“Take care!”

“Bye.” 

Semi relaxed his whole body after hearing the front door close, running his right hand through the ash locks of his hair. You observed him shift on the chair, too immersed inside his own thoughts to notice your analytical gaze on him. 

“Do you mind me asking why you look so shaken up?” Your voice was soft and lower, as if the choice of volume would prevent Semi from getting angry at you. 

“He used to play in the same position as me.” Based on the few knowledge you had about volleyball, you assumed it was possible for two players to share the same role in the team, so you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “We both were setters, he took my place on the start lineup.”

2011 (age of 17)

The third years arrived late at practice and the coach, even though knowing they had extra classes, screamed at them to change quickly. Unphased by the outburst, Ushijima, Tendou, Semi, Reon and Yamagata did as they were told so in order to start the warm ups. Each one of them took their position on the court, ready to practice their main abilities; however, Washijo called out Semi and Shirabu to the sidelines, a serious expression on the older’s face. 

“Semi, I’d like you to focus on your serves from now on.”

“What- why, coach?” Semi asked surprised, closing his hand into fists angrily. 

“Shirabu will be the main setter of the team.” Washijo stated, and for a moment the world has stopped moving in Semi’s perspective. “You’ll be the pinch server.”

“It’s not fair, coach! I’m-” the words died in the boy’s throat, giving up on arguing with him. Throughout the years he’s been trained by Washijo, Semi knew his decisions were made to improve the team’s strength and chances to win. Nothing would make the coach change his mind. “I understood.”

He bowed to Washijo and Shirabu before turning back to head to the end of the court, getting closer to those who were practicing their serves. Semi took a ball from the cart, smacking it to hit the floor a couple of times before tossing it into the air to serve. On the other side of the net, the ball landed near the fifth position, but the thought of scoring a service ace didn’t soothe the burning rage inside of him. 

Once again Semi was told right in front of him that he’s not good enough, he wasn’t needed on the court to articulate all the offensives against the opponent team. Of all people. He was subbed by an underclassmen. Semi Eita, a famous setter during middle school, who was accepted at Shiratorizawa through a sports scholarship. 

Angry tears stung his eyes, but he refused to let them slip through his eyelids. No, Semi was too proud to let anyone see how frustrated he was; he wouldn’t give Shirabu the satisfaction to see him break down, even though his junior could not think like that. 

Years of hard working, training every single day to improve his tosses, every time he bent his fingers during practices. All for nothing. Semi felt stupid thinking that it would be enough, he should have learned years before with Touma. Efforts don’t take you anywhere if you’re not a genius. He should have known better. 

Serve after serve landed perfectly in spots other teams’ defense would break: between the first, sixth and fifth position; so close to the sidelines some players would think it would be out, just to be surprised by the referee pointing the flag to the ground. However, it wasn’t enough, not for Semi. At that moment, no service ace would make up the thrilling sensation of setting the perfect ball that leads the team one point closer to the victory. 

It was unfair how he was subbed during his third and last year in that team, after that season he would retire from the club’s activities and solely focus on university entrance exams. Washijo should know how he feels, especially because the coach himself couldn’t play because of his height. So why has he done that? 

His gaze unconsciously fell over the main court, where the spikers were practicing with Shirabu. Semi desperately searched for any fault in the setter’s tosses, in his posture and even in his movements around the other players, anything to point out to the coach as an excuse for him to change his mind about the situation. What angered the boy the most was the fact Shirabu had such clean moves and a great analytical vision - he was way more competent that Semi himself in the matter of technique.

What took the biggest toll on him, though, was seeing Ushijima and Reon hitting every toss with such ease and power. Their performance was better than when Semi was the official setter, he couldn’t recall any practice or game both spikers were surpassing their usually good performance. That made everything clear to Semi: he couldn’t bring the best of his teammates as a setter, he wasn’t skilled enough to help his team on every offensive. He had to accept it.

There will always be someone better than me, Semi thought to himself, panting from tiredness. I’ll never be the first option for anything, I should have known that.

You’re pathetic, Semi Eita.

End of October, 2017 (current time, age of 23)

To say you were nervous was a understandment, you’ve never performed in a live house before - and it definitely wasn’t like school presentations, as you tried to convince yourself. The fact that those people in front of the stage weren't there to actually see you helped a bit to calm down your nerves, though not enough to prevent your hands from shaking. 

“Don’t tell me you’re actually nervous, Y/n.” Semi teased you, earning a whine from you. The singer was relaxed - it would surprise you if he weren’t - with his arms crossed over his chest, carefully enough to put his right one over the other. He was looking good, you admitted to yourself, with black jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather black jacket. “You’re a music producer, you shouldn’t be afraid of the audience.”

“Firstly, I’m not a music producer,” you started angrily, narrowing your eyes at him. “And secondly, that’s why I chose to learn how to produce songs, because I won’t perform them.”

“You can either focus on a dot ahead of you, ignoring all eyes looking to the stage or,” he stepped closer to you, bending down a little so his mouth reached closer to your ear. “You can just look at me.”

You stepped back in surprise, feeling your cheeks heat with the exaggerated flow of blood through your veins. Semi laughed at your distressed expression, leaving you behind to search for his bandmates in order to prepare themselves to go on stage. You had no idea if the guy teased you on purpose or not, but it was effective: you were no longer anxious to be in front of people, but because you’d be next to Semi for at least 30 minutes. 

The moment you dreaded the most arrived sooner than you thought, a staff from the live-house ushered you four to the stage. Akihiko sat behind the set of drums, positioning himself comfortably to start; Takeshi plugged the bass on the amplifier, adjusting the volume as he strummed the cords. Semi stood in the middle of the stage, pulling the microphone stand in front of him up to get it closer to his mouth. Your hands worked quickly on setting up your guitar, earning you enough time to pay attention to the audience’s noise through the closed curtains. 

Before you could get lost in your own thoughts, a fixed and intense gaze on you pulled you out from overthinking. Semi’s brown eyes looked straight into yours, and somehow you felt a wave of calmness wash over you, deafening the sparse chattering around you. His lips formed a small smile, and differently from the sarcastic ones he usually offers you to mess around, it was genuine. 

“You can do it, relax.” He mouthed, you barely caught the words as the staff crew announced the band and the curtains opened. Returning the smile with a nod, eyes diverting its focus to Akihiko - who beat his drumsticks four times, starting the presentation. 

“Thank you so much for coming tonight!” Semi said on the microphone after the last song of the setlist, earning back a wave of screams and claps. “And special thanks to our support Y/n.”

The sudden attention you received startled you, but your response was to simply smile and bow to the public. You weren’t feeling shy at that moment, the adrenaline in your veins even made yourself enjoy the positive response from the public. As Akihiko came towards the stage and thanked everyone, the staff closed the curtains and Takeshi - who was closest to the exit - led the way out. 

“You did amazing, Y/n!” Akihiko beamed, throwing an arm around your shoulders. 

“I was so nervous, though!” You laughed with them at your answer. “But it was a good experience, I enjoyed myself out there.”

“Great, because you’re in the band for a couple more shows.” Semi announced with a smirk, only to that morph into a bigger smile. “I still have a few weeks with the cast and physiotherapy to attend… you better enjoy the spotlight, rockstar.”

All of you burst into laughter, heading to the backstage room you got ready before. The boys encountered their own friends in the process, and while you didn’t know any of them, you decided to organize your own stuff. Soon, your guitar was securely inside its case, a couple of makeup products were stored in the small bag you brought and your cellphone was stuffed in your backpocket. 

“Eita-nii!” A new, and loud, voice bursted into the room. The girl - who you presumed was Semi’s sister by the honorific she used - ran towards the singer, wrapping her arms around his body. The man himself reciprocates the gesture, although shyer than her. “You and the boys were great today! Oh- and who is that girl who played support? You’ve never told me it would be a girl! I thought you’d invited Kaito.”

“Hey,” Semi said louder, looking at you. The unsaid invite to come closer made you get up from your seat in the corner and walk towards them. “Aime, this is my friend Y/n. Y/n, this is my annoying younger sister, Aime.”

“Nii-chan!” Aime whined, quickly dismissing her brother as her attention focused solely on you. “You did so good on the stage! Eita has never told me he was friends with anyone new, let out a girl. I thought he was that antisocial that had only Akihiko and Takeshi-kun as friends.”

“I mean,” you giggled at Aime’s rambling, she was the complete opposite from her brother, which was endearing to see. “I didn’t know Semi considered me as his friends, once he thought I was hooking up with Akihiko.”

“What the hell, Semi?” The drummer jumped in the conversation, a grimace on his face. “I’d never do anything with Y/n- gosh I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“Should I say you’re the stalker who would leave me alone if I sang for your project, then? I can still change the status.” Semi teased you, in response, you lightly punched his left arm. “By the way, what are you doing here Aime? Don’t you have a curfew to follow? Does mom and dad know your whereabouts?”

“I’m not ten anymore, Eita!” She let out a huff in annoyance. “I’m twenty, remember that? A college student that has every right to enjoy herself on a Friday night after a tiring week.”

You let the two siblings bicker between them, taking in that new side of the singer you’ve never imagined he’d have. The usually cold, snarky boy also had a soft spot for his sister was also the common overprotective, caring older brother. You had to admit the duality in Semi’s personas suited him, and you felt like another side of his mysteries was presented to you. 

“Well, I have to get going…” you announced gathering your things up, hearing Takeshi and Akihiko’s protests. “I booked a studio early in the morning, I want to be productive, not a literal zombie going over a few samples. Not to mention the last bus will stop by soon. Thank you so much for your hard work, guys! And also, it was a pleasure to meet the better Semi, Aime.”

“I barely know you but I’m sure I’ll like you!” Aime hugged you, while Semi scoffed ironically. “Hope we meet again soon, Y/n!”

“Wait, let me grab my coat.” Semi stopped you from leaving the room after saying goodbye to both Takeshi and Akihiko. “I’ll take you to the bus stop. Who knows what could happen in the middle of the night?”

“And what will you do? Hit them with your cast?” You sassed, the man rolled his eyes, taking the small bag from your hands. 

The two of you left the live-house in silence, enjoying how the loudness gradually decreased and the city noises overtook your senses. You started to feel tired from the show just now, your eyelids were heavier than usual and your shoulder muscles ache due to the tension and nervousness you were feeling. Either way, you felt good, performing was nice - though if you had to choose, being inside a studio felt much more comfortable. 

“You did well today.” Semi spoke out of blue, with your peripheral vision you analysed him. His head was upwards looking to the sky, the corner of his mouth was tugged in a small smile and his posture gave off the feeling he was feeling satisfied. “You were so nervous before going on stage, but when we started, you looked like you’ve performed before. You have a talent.”

“It was the adrenaline.” Both of you laughed at your comment, silencing yourselves as you arrived at the bus stop. It was empty, which was expected given the fact it was almost one in the morning, so you took a seat next to each other. “I never imagined you were the protective older brother…”

“Trust me, you’re not the first one to tell me this,” he scoffed jokingly, a much softer expression adorned his face at the topic of his sister. “Aime is just… something else, you know? As her older brother, I think I have to shield her from being hurt - even if it means I get hurt”

“What, have you punched someone in the face because of her?” You joked, only to the laughter die on your throat at his positive response with a nod. “You’re kidding me, Semi!”

“I’m telling the truth!” He protested, a frown appearing on his face. “Some boy thought he could call my sister a bitch and leave unpunished. It was my very first fight, but as Aime’s brother, it was my job to teach that little shit a lesson.”

“Bet he punched you in the face, as well.”

“Yeah, but,” Semi stopped talking, inhaling deeply before turning to you. “You saw how she is, I- I can’t never let someone take it away from her. Nobody is allowed to hurt her like…”

“Like…” you tried to encourage him to speak after a few seconds, only for him to sigh tiredly and give you a meek smile. 

“Nothing… guess it’s just the cliché older brother talk,” the way he avoided finishing his original train of thought didn’t go unnoticed by you, but you let it go to not cause further embarrassment. As the two of you entered in a comfortable silence, you saw the bus turning into the main avenue. “The princess’ carriage has arrived, my lady.”

“Thank you very much for protecting me, my knight in shining… arm cast.” You giggled at your lame joke, taking the bag from his hands. “I’ll talk to you soon… regarding the project and stuff.”

“And don’t forget we have rehearsals.” Semi reminded you, getting up from his seat. The bus stopped in front of you, the two of you stared at each other not knowing what to do. Before you could turn and hop on the vehicle, the man ruffled your hair with a mischievous smile. “Good night.”

“Good night, Semi.”

1997 (age of 3)

The white corridors seemed to be longer in Semi’s perspective, his young perception didn’t allow him to estimate how long he'd been walking with his grandparents on that floor. What buzzed in his mind was the new piece of information grandma told him before leaving the house. 

“Let’s visit mommy and Aime-chan, Eita-kun.”

The boy was still confused why his mother had to go to a hospital to meet his younger sister - even though his parents had innumerous talks about this special day. Nevertheless, Semi was excited to see mom and dad after a whole day without them - and to finally see Aime. 

Grandad knocked on the door, gently pushing it open so Semi could walk in. The sight of strange wires and tubes on his mother’s skin scared him, bumping into the older’s legs. Sensing his distressed expression, his father came closer to him, scooping the little kid in his arms. Semi hid his face on the crook of his dad’s neck, avoiding eye contact with the starling objects near his beloved mom.

“Eita,” her smooth voice called him, he lifted slightly his head to meet her eyes, only to hide again. “What’s wrong, love?”

“Mommy is hurt…” he whispered, pointing to all the equipment near the bed. 

“No, buddy, mom is not hurt,” his dad denied, tapping lightly his back as an invitation for him to look around. “These things are making sure mommy is doing fine, she’s been pretty tired, remember we talked about it? How would Mommy feel tired after Aime left her tummy?”

An unknown whine filled the room, making Semi lift his head to search for the source of said sound. His eyes eventually fell on the tiny baby on his mother’s arms, opening and closing her mouth as little noises escaped through her thin lips. 

“Aime?” Semi pointed out, suddenly feeling curious. His father sat him down next to his mother, letting him have a better view of the baby. “Aime is small!”

“Yes, she is, sweetheart.” His mother agreed softly, pulling the blanket slightly downwards so her son could see Aime’s face. “But soon she’ll grow bigger, and you two can play together. Will you share your toys with her?”

“Only if she doesn’t drool on them!” His statement made everyone laugh, but Semi couldn’t care less, too entertained with his sister. “I love Aime.”

“You have to protect her as the older brother, Eita.” His father told him, coming closer to them. Semi nodded excitedly, lowering his head to leave a kiss on Aime’s forehead. 

2012 (age of 18)

All Semi could see was red as he approached Aime in front of a café. She was accompanied by her friends and some stranger boy, who was awfully close to his baby sister. The words a fellow classmate told him before they left the dorms for winter break rang through his head. 

“Hey, Semi, I heard a guy from another school has been hitting on your sister for a while. My friend told me she’s pretty bothered by him.”

“Aime!” He screamed, heavy footsteps marking his way over the thin layer of snow. The said girl turned around, a mixed expression between relief and fear on her face. Stopping in front of the boy, Semi opened a bit more his chest in order to look more intimidating. “What the fuck do you want with her?”

“None of your business, dude.” His voice was coated with anger, the short phrase said between gritted teeth. “I saw this beauty first, back off.”

“And I said I’m not interested!” Aime piped in with a squeak. 

“You heard her.” Semi stepped closer to him, locking eyes with the stranger. “Get lost.”

“This little slut is playing hard to get.” The world seemed to stop spinning, Semi took a second to process what that guy had the audacity to call his little sister. “I dare you to say this after I-”

He couldn’t finish his words as Semi threw the first punch right into his left cheek, knocking him to the floor. Kneeling next to him, the pinch server proceeded to get a firm grasp on the collar of his coat with the left hand, while his right one collided with the boy’s face repeatedly. Semi could hear at the back of his head people screaming at him, Aime calling out his name, but nothing would make him stop until that brat learned his lesson. 

The other boy managed to get a hold of himself, punching Semi on his sides - who lost his breath and received another hit on the face. On his tongue, he felt the taste of his own blood - and he wasn’t able to distinguish where it could be from: either from his lips or the inside of his cheeks. With his knee, Semi returned the blows on his ribs, quick to sit himself on the boy’s stomach. 

Every punch he gave seemed to increase its power, shifting between his nose, cheeks and mouth. Semi has never felt so enraged before, just remembering what he had called Aime made his body warm with adrenaline and wrath. 

“I dare you to call my sister,” Semi muttered between huffs of air, feeling difficulty to breathe in and out due to the intense body movement and the pain on his sides. “A slut again. I fucking dare you!”

Before he could do anything else, two men held him back, making sure to wrap their hands on his arms, and lifted him up. Semi, in his last act of anger, kicked the boy laying on the floor aimlessly. The other boy was aided by another man, refusing his care to get up and look straight into Semi’s eyes. 

“Watch out, asshole, I’m getting back to you.”

“Be ready to have a fucking broken nose.” Semi mocked him, and before he could continue his threats, Aime appeared in front of him with tears stained over his cheeks. “I was the one who got punched and you’re crying.”

“Are you insane!?” She asked distressingly, knocking on his chest - which made him lose his breath. “Why would you do that?” 

“Isn't it obvious?” He asked, gently freeing himself from the men’s grasp. “I’m your older brother.”

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I Forgot That You Existed : Chapter Five

A/N: Chapter five is here. The pent up tension between our ex-lovers is getting too much for them to handle. As things get heated up they give in to their feelings momentarily. Are they gonna regret it? Or will this reignite their love giving a new dynamic to their relationship? Y/N has been hiding a secret will she reveal it? What implication will its revelation bring in their lives? I hope you like this chapter. Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome. Let me know what do you think Y/N has been hiding.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader 

Summary : It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings : fluff, making out.

Mini Playlist : Bad Blood by Taylor Swift, Cheap Thrills by Sia, Break My Heart by Dua Lipa

Tom and El breathing heavily. Tom rolled over to the side placing his hands below his head staring at the ceiling. El scooched into him, placing her hand on his bare chest.

“That was amazing.” El said, letting out a deep breath.

“Hmmm” Tom hummed.

Loud laughter and giggles were heard from your room. As you and Z were literally screaming at the top of your voice singing.

'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done 'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey! Now we've got problems And I don't think we can solve 'em You made a really deep cut And, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

“They are really close aren't they?”

“Yeah they are soul sisters." he chuckled. "Surprisingly Y/N has been with us since childhood but Z seems to know her more than any of us in such a short time.”

“Because we girls understand each other very well mister. There are some things guys will never understand”

“So you are trying to tell me that I don’t understand you”

“I didn’t say that dummy” El laughed lightly slapping on his chest

Tom and El were startled by a loud thud as if someone fell on the floor as they heard you groaning loudly

"Owww!!! My ass!!" you groaned going into fits of laughter. You and Zendaya were pillow fighting as you lost balance and fell.

“You deserve that bitch” Zendaya giggled.

El smiled listening to your banters “Someone is way too excited and happy” she chuckled.

“You know I think they are perfect” looking up to Tom

“Who?”

“Steve and Y/N, they make a perfect couple. She should consider this relationship.”

“I think it's too early to comprehend darling as much as I know her Steve isn’t her type”

“Why not? I mean their personalities complement each other so well; it will in a way benefit both of them professionally too. She is a world class singer and he is such a skilful event manager if they work it out and get married in future you know what I mean.

“Maybe”

Tom turned to his side, his back facing El. He frowned at the thought of seeing you with someone else. But then El's words struck him, he thought what if that guy was trying to befriend you just for his professional gains. He felt he needed to protect you from another heartbreak. He decided in his mind to talk to you about this tomorrow.

You were all having breakfast. Steve had called you saying he will come to pick you at 9. You chose to wear a cute top with your shorts.

“You look cute in that top Y/N” El complimented

“Thanks El”

“Any special reason?” El danced her eyebrows

“Oh nothing” you shrugged.

“I know, Stevey boy is coming to pick her up” Chloe chirped

“Oh shut up” you blushed.

You went to put your plate in the kitchen sink. Tom was already in there. He thought this is the right time to talk to you.

“Umm Y/N I need to talk to you about something”

“Yeah what is it?”

“I think you should keep your distance from that guy. I mean Steve”

“Umm okay I'll give it a thought. But any reason why should I be away?”

“Because I said so.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” You smirked, raising an eyebrow. Tom scoffed

“Listen Y/N I’m serious. I..I’m just trying to protect you okay”

“I’m not a baby Tom. I can take care of myself but thanks for your concern”

“Look who is here Mr. Johnson” you heard Ed and ran out to meet Steve.

“ Heyyy you.. you look ...pretty” Steve fumbled

“Thanks. You blushed tucking your hair behind your ear. “let's go then”

“Yeah, after you.”

You buckled the extra helmet Steve brought for you and sat down behind him on the bike. He started his bike and pulled the clutch to shift the gear you jolted into him clutching his broad shoulders tightly.

“You did that intentionally didn't you?” narrowing your eyes.

“You weren’t holding on to me tightly darling” Steve gave you a cheesy smile. You rolled your eyes.

You reached the spot in around 20 minutes. Steve led you to the stage.

“Okay so this is your stage rockstar. Whatever you require just tell me I’ll arrange everything”

You slipped your guitar strap around your shoulder as you started rehearsing the chords.

“You know you should start with look what you made me do. That's really a badass song and maybe finish with something soft and romantic. It will be even better if you give a sneak peek of your upcoming album by performing a new song.” Steve suggested

“That’s actually a great idea Steve! Thanks” You continued rehearsing and completely lost track of time. Suddenly you felt a pair of hands around your hips. You smiled. Steve placed his chin on the crook of your neck.

“Hey beautiful! Are you hungry?”

“Yeah a little” you nodded

“Let’s go and grab some lunch then”

“So should I take this as a simple lunch or an official date?” you smirked

“A lunch date maybe” he shrugged with a toothy grin

Back at the house everybody was having lunch.

“Excuse me guys” El ran to the bathroom feeling nauseous and she threw up. Tom ran to her aid. He came out with her carrying her to their room. Everybody was worried.

You were seated at a nearby restaurant. You both were having a good time eating and chatting; your phone dinged the screen flashed Zendaya’s name.

Come back immediately. It’s urgent

“I’m sorry I gotta go something urgent has come up” you got up from your seat apologizing to Steve

“That’s fine love. I’ll drop you” Steve got up too as he took you home.

You reached home around noon. Zendaya had texted you about what had happened. Everyone was sitting in the living room as you entered.

“How is she?” you asked

“She's fine.. taking rest” Sam stated

“So is she pregnant or something?”

“Y/N?!’’ Zendaya elbowed you looking at you with wide eyes.

“What?! I'm serious; the symptoms you told are either indigestion or pregnancy. And please don't tell me that they aren't sexually active because we got the sneak peek yesterday itself."

 “This isn't a joke Y/N” Tom said sternly

 “I'm not joking Tom I will never joke on such a serious topic because I'm very well aware of the implications it brings to a person's life.”

 Zendaya grabbed your hand and shook her head violently, panic in her eyes to stop you from talking further. You understood what she was trying to say and tried to cover up

 “And.. anyways you two are getting married it’s nothing to freak out. I would still recommend her to take the test.”

 “It's okay Y/N. I had my period plus I’m on pills so nothing to worry. It was actually indigestion. Sea food really does not suit me. But I don't think I will be able to go to the beach carnival with you guys, still feeling a little unwell.” El said as she came down the stairs.

 “It's okay babe you take rest I'll stay with you” Tom went up to her as he ran his hand on her back in a soothing way.

 “No Tom, you should go, why miss out on the fun for me.”

 “It's okay El nothing is more important than you in my life.” Tom held her hands placing light kisses on them.

 “I know bubs and your happiness is my first priority, so go and enjoy for my sake.” Tom didn’t extend the conversation any further and agreed to her.

Now you felt nauseous looking at their cliche tooth rotting romance. You blew out your cheeks and turned towards Steve who was standing at your back.

“Okay then see tomorrow” you hugged each other.

“Yeah bye darling” Steve left

Everyone went to their rooms to get ready for the carnival. Tom was dressing up as suddenly your words reverberated in his mind. He couldn't make any sense out of your words. What did you mean by the implication of pregnancy in a person's life and why did Z abruptly shut you up. He felt as if you both were hiding something.

 “Seriously Y/N were you out of your mind?! You were just going to spill everything out.” Zendaya lashed out.

 “I know I'm sorry. I just don't know what came over me.” you sat on the bed covering your face with your hands.

 “I know babe but you gotta be careful. It's a secret you chose to hatch it down in the darkest corner of your heart, can't let it spill unless you want it otherwise ."

 You went and hugged her tightly tears rolling down your eyes

 "What would I do without you" you sobbed

 "You'll always have me by your side darling, okay now cheer up and let's get ready.”

............................

You all came out of the house. Two cars were already parked outside. You immediately ran towards Harrison's car.

“I'm taking the front seat"You opened the door and sat.

Harrison, Zendaya, Harry and Paddy sat on the back seats

“Who's gonna drive?” you asked confused

Then you saw Tom with the car keys as he opened the door and you both momentarily glanced at each other as he sat on the driver's seat.

You divert your attention outside the window as you feel a tension arise between you two.

 As Tom drove the car an eerie silence prevailed. It started to get kinda boring so to lighten up the mood you turned on the car's stereo and connected your phone.

 Cheap thrill starts playing

 (Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It's Friday night and I won't be long Gotta do my hair, put my make up on It's Friday night and I won't be long)

 Everyone cheered and started grooving to the music.

 ('Til I hit the dance floor

Hit the dance floor I got all I need No, I ain't got cash I ain't got cash But I got you, baby)

 Turning a little to your side you took out your phone and started recording everyone singing and grooving. Tom occasionally glanced at you.

 (Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills) Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills) But I don't need no money As long as I can feel the beat I don't need no money As long as I keep dancing)

 Unbuckling your seat belt so you got up and kneeled on your seat facing backwards. As you all continued lip syncing loudly and vibing in the car. Tom kept his straight face all the time.

 (Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It's Saturday and I won't be long Gotta paint my nails, put my high heels on It's Saturday and I won't be long)

'Til I hit the dance floor Hit the dance floor I got all I need No, I ain't got cash

I ain't got cash But I got you, baby)

 A sharp turn came as you all jolted to the right side. You almost lost balance, one hand holding tightly on the head rest of your seat and another grasping on Tom's shoulder. He held your hand tightly to prevent you from losing balance, giving you a stern look. You knew that look very well, he used to give you that look when you were being a brat. You felt a little intimidated and straightened yourself and sat properly again.

 (Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills) Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills) But I don't need no money As long as I can feel the beat I don't need no money As long as I keep dancing

I don't need no money As long as I…….. Song continues

 Reaching the carnival you were overcome with nostalgia so many sweet memories you had of this place. Everyone got out of the cars and went in different directions. Out of habit you waited for Tom to park the car and then go inside. When you both entered the carnival ground none of your friends could be seen.

 “Guess what our friends ditched us” you pressed your lips together frowning

“I guess so." Tom twisted his lips looking around then turning back to you

"Okay, stay right here I’ll be back in a minute”

“But.. but why? Where are you going now?” you asked confused, tom trailed off in the crowd.

“Huh!” you scowled “am I so bad that he hates to spend a little time with me” you thought. You looked around and thought going into the stalls checking out the stuff. You eventually went when a sparkly pair of earrings caught your eyes. Taking it in your hands you placed them in front of your ears checking in the mirror if they look nice or not.

“I told you to stay right?” you heard Tom say from the back.

“I'm literally near the spot you left me.” You tried to reason.

“Okay here take this.” He handed you a grilled corn. Your face instantly lit up  

“Hey thanks.”  You cheerfully bite into the corn.

 Tom hadn't noticed earlier but now when he saw you carefully your necklace caught his eye it's the same black dahlia necklace he gifted you after filming far from home. A smile crept on his face at the fact that after so many years you had kept it.

You looked up to find him smiling at you “What?” You asked

“Nothing” he shook his head.

It didn't escape Tom's eyes the way you were staring at those sparkly earrings and he instantly knew you wanted them but you were confused if it would be worth buying.

 "You like them?"

 “Huh? Oh no just looking" you shrugged off

 “Oh don't lie to me I know how much of a fetish you have for earrings"

 He immediately asked the seller to pack those for you as he took out his wallet to pay.

 “You know I can pay for myself” you commented

 He grinned "Oh don't worry you can pay me back later by cash or you know by the kindness of your pretty little"

 “You finish that line and I’m gonna kick you in your balls Thomas” you were so done with his snarky comments; you were fuming as you stomped away from him.

 "Hey Y/N! Wait for me!" You picked up your pace. Tom ran to catch up with you. He stood in front of you blocking your way.

 “Here you go" he handed you the small gift bag.

“In no circumstance I'm taking that" crossing your hands and turning your face away annoyed  

“Hey, hey listen” he tried to hold your hands stepping closer.

“Don't touch me” you swatted him away

“Okay feisty pants, calm down” he stepped back raising his hand in the air in defeat.

"Oh come on Y/N I was just joking I'm sorry. Here take this. Pleaaase" he pouted.

"Go and give that to El I’m sure she will pay you back nicely like she did last night." You taunted.

"I don’t switch gifts meant for someone else moreover El isn't much of a fan of my gifts she says my taste is like an old man. She would totally figure out I did’t choose these."

“That’s true you are an old man.” corner of your mouth quirked up. Tom stretched his hand to give you the bag you took it lazily.

“Are we cool now?”

“Yeah sort of.” You gave a half shrug.

“Let's do something like old times then shall we?” Tom proposed

“Yeah fine by me anyways our best friends have ditched us so we are stuck with each other.”

You both went to try out different rides in the carnival. You enjoyed the roller coaster the most. After the ride you both sat down on a nearby bench to rest. Meanwhile you were deciding what to do next.

 “Wanna have some ice cream?” Tom offered

“Have you ever heard me saying no to ice cream?”you smirked

“Okay wait and don't go anywhere this time.” He disappeared in the crowd. You sat on the bench scrolling through your phone.

“Boo!!” Tom grabbed your shoulders from the back. You were startled, almost dropping your phone .

“God! You scared me” you gasped

He chuckled “here you go darling" he handed you your ice cream. Your heart swelled up by the fact that he still remembered your favorite flavour combo by heart one scoop of chocolate and cookies & cream with lots of extra choco chips.

You both started walking, licking on to your ice creams, your bodies brushed against each other occasionally as you both glanced into the stalls. Tom carefully watched you, the way you licked the ice cream made his mind wander to inappropriate places making him smile internally. You both were passing in front of a gaming stall.

 "Wanna win something for your girl?" the owner of the stall threw the question towards Tom.

 “Oh no he has a very bad aim” you tried to get away from there as you always thought these games are just a waste of money.

 “What! I can aim." Tom retorted widening his eyes.

 “No you can't" you argued "And these games are rigged you know that very well Tom" you muttered in his ears.

 "What do you want babe?”

“Babe?? " you gave him a puzzled look.

“Just tell me.”

“Okay that big bunny which you always failed to get to me.” You challenged him.

Tom paid the money he had three chances to throw the ring on the small replica of bunny.

“After you lose don’t tell me I didn’t warn you” you quipped

“Yeah, yeah will see that. And if I win, what is my reward?”

“Of course the big bunny that’s what you paid for, idiot” you grinned.

In the first throw he completely missed it.

"See! I told you it was a waste of money" you complained

"Oh! Y/N just let me concentrate" he huffed

The second throw was almost close, you both groaned frustrated. The third throw was a kind of prestige fight for Tom because he knew you were gonna mock him all his life if he loses. You on the other hand were tense crossing your fingers you wished he would win. Tom threw the ring and it went in the exact spot you both cheered, throwing your hands up in the air and hugged each other tightly. Pulling away soon but you felt a slight pull as you noticed the chain of your necklace had tangled with his spider man necklace. Tom struggled to untangle it, you swatted his hand.

"Stop pulling it dumbo, you are going to break the necklace" you grumbled

Tom felt warmth filling his heart seeing you so possessive about the necklace.You stepped closer and slowly tried untying the knot. Both of your breath hitched. After a few seconds you untangled your chains. The seller handed Tom the stuffed bunny.

“Here you go princess” Tom handed it over to you.

“Thanks.” You took it hugging it tightly. You were now more comfortable with each other giggling and laughing in each other's company. Anybody could mistake you both as a lovely couple. Unknowingly you were now holding hands and walking across the carnival.

“Picture for the beautiful couple?" a photographer from a photo studio chirped around from the corner.

“Oh no no we are not..” Tom cut you off

“Yeah sure why not”

“But tom..”

“Come on Y/N it will be fun”

You reluctantly went inside the studio and tried different costumes. You both posed and clicked some silly photos of yourselves.

Finally you caught sight of the rest of your gang, both of you rushed to them still holding hands.

“Hey where were you guys?” you asked

“Hey aah..” Zendaya stopped halfway to look at you, your hand hooked on to Tom’s arm furrowing, her eyes all skeptical.

You both followed her gaze as you realised, you leave each other's hands feeling awkward looking away.

“So what's with the bunny?”

“Oh it's for El Tom won it as a souvenir for her as she couldn't make it.” You lied.

“You guys wanna go on the Ferris wheel? it will be fun to watch the fireworks from up there”

“Nah we are good down here plus we are hungry.”

“Okay then we are going for the Ferris wheel. Will meet you at the parking lot after that.”

You queued up and waited for your turn to buy the tickets. You turned back a little girl caught your attention, she was glancing at you both mostly Tom curiously with her doe eyes. You thought she must have recognised Tom. Tom looked back too. He waved his hand towards her with a smile.

She tugged on her mother’s dress and whispered.

“Mommy, look spider-man” her mother turned her gaze towards you and gave out a light shriek

“Oh my god! Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N!! I’m a huge fan of both of you”

You both smiled.

"I'm Claudia nice to meet you"

“Hello.. nice to meet you too” you both greeted the lady

“Where’s MJ? Are you spider-man’s new girlfriend?” the little girl chirped. You and Tom looked at each other chuckling.

“Ssshh!! Don’t tell MJ” you joked. The little girl frowned. You crouched in front of her as you caressed her cheek.

“I'm kidding honey I’m not spider man's new girlfriend I’m his best friend. What’s your name little miss?”

“Vienna”

“That’s a beautiful name Vienna”

“You are so big but you still play with bunnies?” she asked you innocently

Tom stifled a laugh hearing that. You looked at him narrowing your eyes.

“No one is too old for bunnies honey. And this was given to me by someone I love so can’t throw it away can I?" Vienna nodded in approval. You glanced up to Tom.

“Can we take a selfie?” Claudia asked

“Yeah sure why not?” Tom picked up Vienna in his arms as you all cuddled close to take a selfie.

“I heard you are going to perform, is it true?”

“Yes I’m.” You confirmed

“Great!!! Looking forward to attending your concert.”

“I’ll be eager to see you guys in the audience”

"Hey Y/N! come here it's our turn." You heard Tom calling you

"Okay see you guys in the concert bye. Bye Vienna."

Tom had already bought the tickets while you were talking. You got up in your cabin. Sitting close to each other shoulders brushing in the cramped space, it was nothing new though for you two but now the circumstances have changed. The wheel rotated for a couple of times and then it halted as the fireworks were about to begin. Your cabin was at the top so you could get the best view.

“You did this?” you quirked your eyebrow

“Nothing a little extra tip can’t do” he winked. “Wait a minute, it's gonna get better.” He took out his phone and played one of your favorite songs which both of you used to hear.

Perfect starts playing

(I found a love for me Darling, just dive right in And follow my lead Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet I never knew you were the someone waiting for me)

“It feels as if we are teenagers again.” You giggled

The fireworks began as you looked up in the sky in awe. Tom was looking at you the whole time. He had missed your heart warming smile all these years and he felt happy that he was the reason behind your smile. You turned to him to find him already gazing at you with his soft brown eyes.

“I really missed this you know” you gave a tight lipped smile.

“You like it?” he asked softly

“I like it?! I love it!!!” You said excitedly

('Cause we were just kids when we fell in love Not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own And in your eyes, you're holding mine)

Tom's eyes never left you. You cuddled close leaning on his chest to look at the fireworks show his hand around your shoulder. He felt heat rushing to his ears his chest pounding as he leaned his head above yours to look up at the colourful night sky.

(Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight)

You felt butterflies in your stomach under his gaze so you straightened yourself looking at him timidly. The atmosphere felt heavy as both of you felt a strong magnetic pull luring both of you. Your body was slightly turned towards him. Your hair blowing in the gentle night breeze.

(Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own)

He himself turned a little facing you, his hands slipped down to rest on your hips as he drew you in. His warm breath falling on your face. He gently brushed away the hair falling on your face tugging it behind your ear and rested his hand on the side of your face caressing your cheek with his thumb. Both lost in each other's eyes. You gazed into his warm brown eyes which were full of love. His eyes flickered between your eyes and to your slightly parted lips. Your faces were just a few millimetres apart, warmth blossomed in your chest, sparks igniting as Tom leaned in close, lips brushing together.

(We are still kids, but we're so in love Fightin' against all odds I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand Be my girl, I'll be your man I see my future in your eyes)

Tom pulled you close, deepening the kiss your lips were soft he could taste the chocolate ice cream you had on your lips. You shivered and let out a soft moan. To your surprise you were kissing him back, you felt his warm mouth on yours and closed your eyes, your hands subconsciously went around his neck tugging on to his soft curls. He groaned into the kiss.

(Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight)

A strong passion taking over both of you as you frantically kissed each other. Like the first drops of rain brings relief to a rain deprived parched land you both felt the same way, an euphoric bliss, as if you were thirsty for ages and finally the thirst is being quenched. A million emotions of love, lust, desire surged in your bodies. Neither of you wanted to stop, you just wanted to savour this moment.

(Oh, no, no Mm

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect No, I don't deserve this You look perfect tonight)

 The world seemed oblivious for both of you. Both were brought back to your senses when the wheel started to move again. You slowly broke the kiss still in a haze. Your foreheads resting against each other as you both were gasping for air. You looked into his eyes, a panic strike both of you, you immediately pulled away trying to avoid each other's gaze as you looked over the illuminated town. Part of your mind felt so good and didn't want it to end but the other part reminded you constantly that whatever happened was so wrong. The cabin descended down your heart still beating at an alarming rate you tried to calm yourself placing a hand on your chest. The cabin squeaked as it halted, Tom bent low to squeeze out through the small door of the cabin. Wordlessly, he helped you step out of it. It was time to go back so you started walking back to the parking lot. Not a word was spoken between you two throughout the whole walk.

“Oh the love birds are finally back.” Harry joked

Your heartbeat quickened at his remark as you gave a death glare to him.

“Okay sorry, sorry my bad.”

“Haz can you sit in the front? I want to sit with Z at the back.” You almost begged.

“Yeah sure no problem love.”

You sat silently. Tom looked at you through the rear view mirror as he started the car.

“What happened? You look all flushed out are you okay? Zendaya asked concerned

“Did you guys fight over there or what?” Harrison asked, rolling his eyes.

“No nothing like that, just tired actually.The rides were really fun.”

So let's continue the fun. Harrison turned on the car stereo and played from his Playlist.

 Break My Heart starts playing...

(I've always been the one to say the first goodbye Had to love and lose a hundred million times Had to get it wrong to know just what I like Now I'm fallin')

Everyone started singing. Zendaya nudged you a little, giving you a questioning look, you nodded your head to assure her everything was okay , smiling and joined them.

(You say my name like I have never heard before I'm indecisive but this time I know for sure I hope I'm not the only one that feels it all Are you fallin'?)

You glanced at Tom through the rear view mirror pressing your lips together in a thin line. You had a lot of questions in your mind. You wanted to ask Tom why? Why did you do that? What does this mean to you Tom? Why couldn’t you control yourself from giving into the kiss?

(Center of attention You know you can get whatever you want from me Whenever you want it, baby It's you in my reflection Now I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me If I would've known it, baby)

The air felt suffocating, your throat felt dry as you were sweating. Your mind kept drifting to that heated moment on the Ferris wheel, subconsciously nibbling your lower lip. The whole incident was wrecking your mind.

(I would've stayed at home 'Cause I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart? Oh no, I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart?)

 You now seriously regret coming here; you really should have stayed at home you thought. That face, that damn face will be the death of you one day, it makes you go weak on your knees. You can't be falling in for him again when you know that a heart break is inevitable.

 (I wonder when you go, if I stay on your mind

Two can play that game, but you win me every time Everyone before you was a waste of time Yeah, you got me)

 Tom himself was having a hard time to concentrate on driving his hands all sweaty. You were all on his mind. As he looks at you through the mirror his eyes instantly goes to your plump rosy lips which he was sucking a few moments ago as if his life depends on it. He just wanted to pull you around a corner and feel your soft lips again.

 (Center of attention

You know you can get whatever you want from me

Whenever you want it, baby

It's you in my reflection Now I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me)

This time you caught him staring at you a chill ran down your spine. He immediately looked away face turning red; heat crept up your cheeks turning pink.

(If I would've known it, baby

I would've stayed at home 'Cause I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart? Oh no, I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart?)

.......... Song continues

 As you reached home you waited for everyone to get out of the car and go inside.

“Here take this.” You handed out the stuffed bunny to Tom

“It's for you love not for El and you know that very well.”

“Hmm” you hummed looking into his eyes, many unsaid words were spoken.

You both went up the stairs. Standing in front of your rooms you glanced at each other for one last time and went inside.

“I thought that was for El.” Zendaya pointed out at the stuffed toy.

“Yeah I'll give it to her tomorrow.”

“Now you are going to lie to me too" Zendaya scoffed

"I know it is for you. Mind telling me what's going on between you two?”

“Nothing, nothing is going on. Wha.. What makes you think that? You stammered

“Nothing, just you have been acting strange through the whole ride back home.” Zendaya frowned; she knew something was up with you two.

“Oh I must be tired that's why I guess.” You let out fake yawn.

The night was going to be long for you and Tom as you were still hot and bothered needing some sort of relief but none of you are going to get it tonight.

.....................................................................

Taglists: to be added send a message or ask I'll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

@sleepybesson @sophs-library @spideyparkerstark  @itstaskeen @milli86 @biebsmylife95 @quaksonhehe @hannahholland1811  @awhollandx @joyleenl@itsnotmeh24  @bitchinwpoei @astridcomming

[likehoneyandsilk]

Notes From Her - The Beginning

The little notes started when they were eight years old.

His parents had asked if she’d like to watch one of Mat’s hockey games one Sunday morning. She had obliged easily, and to this day, Mat remembers the tiny girl sitting next to him in the car squished against his side, dressed in one of his pee wee team shirts that was all to big for her.

Her chubby cheeks were as rosy as the red shirt, and it fell to her knees. Her mom had bundled her up in her winter coat and a toque, and she cheerfully chatted with his little sister, hugging the cup of Tim Horton’s hot chocolate in her hands.

When they arrived at the rink, Mat and his father parted ways with the girls, his mother guiding them to their seats. While Mat laced up his skates, he noticed a small neatly folded piece of blue construction paper tucked in his hockey bag. Confused, he reached for it.

He opened it to reveal her bubbly and small writing in sparkly pink pen. The note read:

“I hope you win! Good luck! I’m gonna cheer really loud for you!”

With her name scribbled at the end and a tiny little smiley face. And throughout the game when Mat looked into the stands, she kept her word. Later that day when he got home, he read over her note multiple times, securing it into an empty skates box under his bed. In his messy writing with a big black sharpie he labeled the box: “Notes from Her”

And from there the notes continued to grow, and the box continued to fill, and it traveled wherever he did, even after all these years.

By the age of 16 they were officially a couple. It was inevitable. Their parents had seen it coming. Their friends had seen it coming. She had more pictures of her and Mat tacked across her bedroom wall from their childhood to now than she did any other. And he kept every note underneath that battered carboard box of his.

On the morning of their first date, he had caught her by her locker. She seemed to be writing out something, her eyebrows furrowed in slight concentration, and the tiniest bite of her bottom lip. She looked pretty as always, effortlessly. It was different now that they were becoming more than just friends, yet still the same.

“Hey” his voice alerted her to divert her eyes to his. She would be lying if she didn’t feel butterflies erupt in her stomach. Mat was always tall, dark and handsome. And soon he was going to be her boyfriend, not just her best friend.

She smiled, greeting him with a “hello”. He couldn’t help but notice the BCHL shirt he’d gifted her after his first game, she’d paired with her blue jeans and white converse. Her cheeks as rosy as the first day she’d come to one of his games.

“Are you excited for tonight?” He asked her nonchalantly, leaning next to her locker. He seemed so at ease, but on the inside he was as nervous and giddy as she was. Her cheeks reddened and she let out a giggle. Excited yes, but also nervous. In response she nodded, shutting her locker tight. “Of course, I’ll be ready for 5:00?”

“Perfect. We’ll head to my game and after go for our dinner.” And then what happened next was a moment of pure bliss. He leaned down and pressed his lips softly to her burning cheek. And with such ease he pushed himself off the locker to make his way to class, turning back to send her a wink.

Phased and bashful, she turned on her heel, the sensation of his lips still burning on her cheek. Until he called out to her, “Hold on a second!”

She turned abruptly meeting Mat’s happy smile and playful eyes. They’d always been the brightest and captivating. “I like the shirt! Make sure you wear it tonight.”

After first period they met again in History. They always sat together, and by habit she made her way to the corner seat by the window next to her old friend. Mat smiled at her as class began, while they shuffled to take out their pens and binders. In the midst of it all, he caught her drop a piece of paper on his desk.

Sneaking a glance at the teacher and her next to him, he abruptly opened the neatly folded piece of last weeks math homework.

“Today is our first date. I hope you win tonight! Take me out for milkshakes and fries either way”

When he looked back at her, he couldn’t help but smile and place the note into the pocket of his jeans. His eyes lingered a little longer, as a small smile appears on her lips, and the sunlight began to seep in through the window, painting her golden. She knew he’d read the note.

And that night when he picked her up in his father’s old Chevy pickup, he watched as she rushed down the front steps of her porch, adorned in the shirt from the day tucked into a knee length black flowy skirt and ankle boots. The passenger door already open for her, as it always was, but this time as she settled in the feeling was different. It was better.

“A win. Milkshakes and fries it is” he placed his pinky out for her and she giggled, wrapping her smaller one around his. And with that, began the most perfect first date, ending with the sweetest first kiss on her porch steps, tasting like milkshakes and strawberry chapstick.

A few months later Mat was back and forth between Seattle and Vancouver. They didn’t see each other as often, but they’d managed. It was an end to another weekend home for Mat before his father drove him back for three weeks of games and practices.

After another night of milkshakes and fries she’d drove him back to his house, and they sat silently in the car, the radio playing a faint song in the back, dreading their least favourite part of every weekend Mat was home. He sighed, engulfing her hand into his as she turned to look at him.

“I hate this part” she whispered, biting her bottom lip. “I know, I do to”

With a sigh they stepped out of the car. He met her at the hood of her car. She examined his face for a minute. He’d grown his hair out a little longer, the slightest of scruff on his face. Training was powerful, and he’d gained more muscle over the last few months. He was a Seattle phenomenon now. She smiled, placing her cold hands into the pocket of his Seattle Thunderbirds jersey he wore.

Mat watched as the familiar look of sadness washed over her face. Her big brown eyes seem to dull a little, glossy. The streetlights dancing off her face outlined her sad smile. She leaned furthur towards him, an urge to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear letting his digits linger into her silky strands of hair.

The Autumn air was crisp and brisk. As her hands began to warm she parted her lips to speak. “Why is it so hard everytime?” She searched his eyes for an answer. Mat leaned down as he heard the front door open, and through his perhiperal vision caught a glimpse of his sister helping his father carry down his packed suitcase.

He leaned furthur, watching her eyes begin to close, lashes like a thick blanket and pressed his lips to hers. They kissed for a few seconds, and when she pulled back, withdrew her hands from his pockets and embraced him in a hug.

“I’m going to miss you” her voice muffled against his hoodie yet he understood. “I’m going to miss you too”

As the embrace fell apart and she moved out of his way, Mat felt the urge to say more. He knew what he felt, but fear clouded over his bravery and courage. He loved her. But with a soft smile he turned and she watched. She loved him. But she didn’t have the guts to say it to his face.

As his father drove out of the neighbourhood, Mat reached into his pockets, watching as the houses he’d grown around passed by. Suddenly he felt something in his right pocket.

He pulled out a napkin from the diner they’d gone to an hour ago. Instead of grease and reminants of ketchup and milkshake, this one was clean and fresh.

“I can’t bring myself to tell you this, but I think about it everyday. I can’t wait any longer. I love you Barzy. I really truly have fallen in love with you”

She loved him. She loved him!

“Dad! We have to turn around! Please dad ...” catching his father off guard, who began to question his son. “What’s wrong? Mathew what ...”

“Please Dad. Please just turn this car around, just for a second” without furthur questioning his father turned back around, making way home.

Upon arrival, she was just about to get into her car. When the headlights of an approaching car caught her off guard. Mat rushed out of the car. His face bright and content. Almost breathless. And then at the sight of her, taking in that he hadn’t missed her yet, he seemed nervous.

“I’ll give you two a minute.” They barely heard his father make his way into the house. “Mat, what is it?” She wondered if he’d opened her note already. She hadn’t meant for him to rush home, or cause an inconvenience to his father, but in that moment in the diner while he chatted with an old friend by the jukebox, she knew that scribbling down her words and emotions onto the only source of paper was the best she could do.

“I love you too” was all he said, and with that he pulled her in for another kiss, and to this day she swore it felt like the movies. His hands wrapped around her cheeks, pulling her in and supporting her, because he’d never kissed her like this before. The intensity of the dizziness, butterflies and watery legs never felt this high.

High school was over, senior prom a memory for a lifetime, no more trips to Seattle for them both, college admissions had been approved and perhaps the most exciting of all. Mat had been invited and chosen for the NHL Draft. The excitement and nervousness was perplexing.

The night before the Barzal family left for the Draft she’d came to pay him a visit. Invited to the Draft as she was without question, unfortunate and remorse fully she had to deny. She had her own flight to catch in the morning. New York to be precise, for an early bird orientation at university.

His hair was back to shorter, neatly sitting atop his head. His Draft Day suit was laid out on his bed, his suitcase packed. As she greeted his parents, they whispered words of how he’d packed the picture frame you had gifted him a few days prior, along with other gifts. The frame was your favourite though, a picture of you two, smiling and in love at senior prom. Mat guided her out on the porch to sit, cuddled in a blanket, side by side, underneath the Summer star filled sky.

She smelt like lavender and vanilla. Her white converse covered her feet, legs bare and body covered with a pretty red floral summer dress. The moonlight cast a glow onto her features, which had become more prominent over the years, lashes long and bold, lips plump and soft, yet she was still beautiful as ever. Mat rested his head over hers as she leaned onto his shoulder.

Exciting as this was, it was also scary. Mat could be drafted anywhere. Anywhere at all. There was not a single question in that. And it’s how terrifying this was. In the end, as scared as she was, she was beyond happy and proud of how far he had come.

Her Barzy was living out his dream and he deserved every minute of it.

“What if the Canucks pick you?” Her voice caught him out of his own thoughts of leaving and not knowing where he was going. He chuckled, “That’d be pretty cool”.

“If that’s the case, could you tell Alex Burrows I am his biggest fan?” At this little give at a lighthearted moment they burst into laughter. Their bodies shook in unison, laughter filling the night. “I will babe, you know I will” he sighed, resting his palm softly against her cheek, getting her to look at him.

It was then that her eyes got glossy, and she smiled, a heartfelt and genuine smile. “I am so proud of Mat, so unbelievably proud” she whispered into the night, holding back a faint cry as he leaned into her. “I’m scared.” He confessed, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb against her cheek.

She sniffled, scooting closer. “Whoever picks you, wherever it may be, they will not regret it. You deserve this, and wherever you go we’re gonna make this work.”

She seldom saw Mat cry. Her fingers were gentle as she wiped at a tear of his, chuckling softly. “You’re going to be amazing, I’ll be watching, and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you Barzy. I love you, I love you so much”. He relaxed into her and at the sound of her voice.

Resting his forehead against hers, they remained silent, in sync with their breathing, and listening to the sounds of the night, crickets chirping and the leaves whishing ever so gently. He spoke in a whisper, telling her he loved her endlessly too.

“I’m proud of you too you know.” He pressed a kiss to her nose. She chuckled, thanking him in a whisper. “I have to help Liana pick out a dress”, she informed him softly. Her entirety wished to stay this way forever, but she had something she needed to do, another task to go along with Liana’s task. “I’ll only be a few minutes, and then I’ll be back” she pecked his lips, as she hoisted herself up, making her way into the house. As she moved their hands slowly separated, and Mat felt an empty void in a part of his stomach.

. . .

“I think this could be it” Mat felt like this was the one. If it was, what a miracle and act of destiny would that be. His mother smiled, squeezing his hand. He watched anxiously the stage before him as officials began to approach the podium. A few seconds and soon they’d begin announcing the next pick.

Without even thinking Mat reached into his coat pocket, and was surprised to find yet another note.

“The day you’ve been dreaming of is finally here. I love you, I am so proud of you, and I cannot wait to see you on that stage! Don’t forget I want the first Barzal jersey! Good luck Barzy!” signed with her name and an extravaganza of hearts. He smiled at the note, imagining her sitting in her future dorm on an uncomfortable mattress, and watching the Draft play out on a tiny dorm television.

“The New York Islanders are proud to select from the Seattle Thunderbirds, Mathew Barzal”

Everything seemed to fall into place. Everything seemed to end up how it was supposed. It was almost too good to be true.

And as Mat accepted his congratulations and new found belongings, his girl sat in her future dorm, on an uncomfortable mattress, never peeling her eyes away from the tiny little television. And when they called his name, she could not believe it, but when it settled in she was as happy as she could be, already waiting for when he’d call so she could tell him how happy she was, and excited for the life that was to come.

. . .

Notes From Her - The Middle

Notes From Her - The Future