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theficplug · 3 years

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Taking Erik To The Beauty Supply Store 2 / Barber Shop With Erik

Erik Killmonger x Black Reader

Warnings : mature/sexual conversations?

it's a regular day in the stevens household. going to the beauty supply store again & the barber shop but hey it's fun cause it's you and your man.

First taking Erik to the beauty supply store fic:

“I could beat the brake off her lying ass. First of all, I should’ve known something was up cause she asked me if I’m natural. I said yes. She said well I normally do relaxed hair.. Then said you got to have your hair washed and blow dried already… Talking about she was going to have me serving 90s Nia Long. This bitch got me looking like big momma when she came home for that motherfucking party.” You continue your rant as Erik moves around the room looking for your body butter and your fluffy shoes to put on for the day.

You wanted a cute 90s pixie cut to go along with the theme of the maternity shoot which was like the cheesy 90s mall style set with the faded backdrop.

180 dollars and a lopsided , almost a golden bob later and you are still thinking about snatching her out of that salon.

“I’m gonna try and trim it up myself and dye it before the maternity photos tomorrow. But I’mma get two wigs just in case I mess up.” You explain to Erik as he begins to spread the body butter up your legs leaving a golden glow on your skin.

“Not you down there cackling after getting some hang time on the locs you been growing since high school... It’s quiet, ain't no back talk.” You banter with him and he stops massaging your legs to give you a look and laughs softly before giving you a retort of his own.

“You got a lot to say for somebody that can’t even lotion they ashy lil knees.”

“Your daughter been pushing against my organs for 8 and a half months. I don’t wanna hear nothing unless its about my push present. You know that I like rings… My engagement ring looking reeeealll lonely.” you say to him as you dangle your hand in front of his face.

“You look so fucking good today baby… Say, Big Fine, lemme get your number… I’mma eat the f-” he trails off kissing your legs and letting his tongue trail up it and you grab his chin softly.

“Boy if you don’t come on before you be late for your appointment… Can I stop and get a blue raspberry slushie first though?” you ask him and he sighs softly before giving you a small smile and nodding.

“Yeah, hold on let me grab your shoes and purse and then we can go.”

“And obviously yes when we come back before I install that lace front you can beat, duh.” you reply to him before giving him a peck to his lips.

After he grabs everything and helps you down the stairs. And with his help of putting you into his big ass truck you two are on your way.

“We’re going to get my hair cut first cause I already know you’re going to want to go to 2 different stores and it’s only gon’ take him about 15 minutes at the most to line me up.”

He wasn’t lying with the way that you liked to scan every section of the store before you left because to be honest where else were you going to get a pair of skittle shorts, bomb ass lip glosses, and a cute little panda hand sanitizer holder all in one place?

“Okay, sounds like a plan.. The way that I was supposed to have a hot girl summer this year and ended up with a damn its too hot for me to even put my clothes on mom summer. You really were not playing about trying to start a family on your birthday.” you joke as you crunch on your goldfish and look over at Erik.

“I think you just got finer through this whole thing. Watching my baby grow my baby is something surreal. In the beginning watching you go through all of the morning sickness and the body aches and stuff. I felt so bad you know not being able to physically take on all that was going on with you. I aint gon’ never not be appreciative and awe of you.” Erik replies with a serious comment that you were not expecting and you’d be damned if the hormones aren’t doing their thing.

“I really did not expect you to say that. Baabbbee, come on. You know I cry about everything right now. Love you.” you lean over to wrap your arms around him gently and kiss the side of his face while he’s focusing on the road.

“I love you too…. I think I’mma get my locs cut off soon. I don’t know why I’m ready to get a fade and just call it a day.” he questions before looking over at you briefly

“Either way you still gonna look good. I knew you before you even got your locs so you’re gonna look even better now because you grew into your head. Dee be cutting the fuck outta your hair even though he been bald for a good 40 years.” you say and it causes Erik to let out a loud laugh and shake his head.

You eventually ended up ordering a blue raspberry lemonade slushie, a hotdog and fries because Sonic basically took all of Erik's money at this point in your pregnancy.

The rest of your ride was chill as you both swayed to the music or turned it down for a little chat every now and then.

In public was always very protective of you but especially since becoming pregnant he has been hovering over you like a lion waiting for someone to even look at you for too long.

He hops out of the sleek matte black truck first to help you out and sling his arm around your waist with a hand resting on your belly.

You feel some eyes on you as you walk through the door. Your multi-coloured sundress that showcased your back, flowing with you.

Some of the men, new to the shop you assumed, were eyeing you down before Erik looked over their way and nods at them and they pretended to check their phones.

“What's up E? Damn lil sis look like she’s about to pop! How you feeling baby girl?” Dee greets you and Erik as you both walk in and some of the regulars in there say hey to the both of you.

“I’m alright Dee. Baby is just really ready to see the world. She has been kicking up a storm at times. I think we might have a little athlete here.” you reply and you watch as the greyed man with freckles across his cheeks and bridge of his nose eyes crinkle as he finishes cutting the man's hair sitting in the chair.

“I remember when I became a father for the first time. Shits wild because you think that you know everything there is to know and then when you actually see your baby take that first breath. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.” He continues as he shows you a photo of his 4 children and you give him a small smile.

“Ooh, they’re beautiful.” you compliment him as you settle into your seat and scroll on your phone on your phone waiting for Erik to be next.

Some time went by and the men seemed like they were trying to keep their conversation in a hush and you can see some eyes on you as they talked back and forth.

“I’m just saying if you want a threesome with your girl and you expect her to be okay with letting another woman into her bed. You need to match her energy. Could you imagine your girl asking you to bring a whole nother man into your room if that’s not what you’re into? Instead of asking for it. Maybe try bringing toys into the situation. Could spice it up a notch and be in both of your comfort zones. Personally, couples vibrators seem to do the trick just fine.” You advise as you look up from scrolling on your Pinterest feed.

The little huddle of them in front of you stopped talking and immediately looked up at you in silence before Dee’s laugh broke it.

“I don’t know about bringing another man in. That ain't my thing but I get what you're saying. Which ones would you recommend?” The one named Leron asked and you notice Erik is now paying attention , looking from you to them to make sure they stay respectful.

“You better let them know , baby girl! That’s how that baby popped into fruition. She got you with the tantric breathing, huh E?” he jokes and Erik cracks into a smile, his golds gleaming as he looks at you.

“She not wrong. Engage in what your woman like too. Yoga, talking during sex, giving as much as you receive from her, all that. ” He says casually and shrugging and you give him a small smile cause this man done come so far from when you met him.

After he finishes lining up his beard, Erik pays and you’re on your way to one of your favourite places.

“You look so sexy. Your beard is all lined up crisp and stuff. I told you that beard oil was gonna even it out.” you say to him and kiss him below his ear . His hand gripped your thigh gently and you repeated it again.

It didn’t take long before you were at one of your favourite places.

You turned to Erik and asked him to buy a stocking cap for you to try on the wigs that you liked and wanted to see before you purchased it.

You slid on the stocking cap over your hair before grabbing a cute little 27 piece pixie cut wig just to try it on and see what it was giving . You finger combed it and turned to Erik to ask him how it looks.

“Like you finna start singing “Truth is i’m tired. Take me to the king. Here’s my offering-” .” You hold in your laugh as you push Erik’s chest and he grabs your hands.

“I can’t stand your ass !” You say cracking up and Erik grabs the stocking cap from his pocket that he brought himself and slides it over his locs.

You watch as he grabs one of the bobs from the mannequin and sits it half cocked on his head before shaking it side to side.

“What’s cooler than being cool? Ice cold. You know what to do doooo. You know what to doooo.... This is your grand daddy. This is your grand daddy.” Erik starts acting like Andre 3000 and Mr. Brown. You swear this man was gonna make you push out this baby with how hard you were laughing at him.

“Why are you moving your lips like thaaat? What’s your name? B.O.B, so they calling you Bob? Stop playing nigga you know that I’m known for the bob.” you sing the nicki minaj lyrics to him and both of y’all get a good laugh before he takes off the wig and places it carefully back on the mannequin.

He looks over at the one that looked the most like your hair before you got it cut and slides it on.

His expressions changed and he narrowed his eyes at you before putting his hand on his stomach.

“Whew, my god E. You did this to me and for what? My ankles looking like cornbread huh? Look at this shit bae! If my nose swells for real in these next months, we fighting. Damn, I’m getting thick. I look like I'm pregnant in the front and the back. Can you get me two shrimp po’boys and some fries on the way home? ERIK, wake up- You our baby look like Stitch in this ultrasound? Stop playing , im for real.” he sounds exactly like you and mimicked your expressions to a t.

You giggled softly and snatched his wig off leaving him standing there looking crazy in the cap.

“You wanna fight?” You ask him before walking up on him like you’re on bad girls club and swinging the wig at him.

He helped you put the wig back on the mannequin and kissed both of your hands before continuing through the aisle with you.

You both ignored how many times the employee passed by or watched you as you grabbed some of the products from the shelf and put it into your little cart that you wanted to try.

“You wish this was you, huh? You wanted to be Future from 8 Mile so bad, huh? ” you ask Erik , laughing as you point to the full lace faux locs wig that’s in front of you and he shakes his head.

“She got you down bad. This you?” he asks you as he points to the lil gold church wig that’s sitting on the top shelf and you suck your teeth at him .

“You wanna dip dye your hair for tomorrow? A pretty auburn colour would look so good on you or even a baby blue?” You ask him as you move away from the wigs after deciding to put a off black lace front straight wig in your cart and another in sandy blonde with deep waves.

You scan the shelf of dye as Erik wraps his arm around your waist and takes a look.

“This one looks good right here.” He adds as he hands you a colour called Electric Blue.

“This is gonna look so good on you bae.” You compliment him and he leans down to kiss you softly.

“You only tryna compliment me cause you want me to help you install that wig. You think you slick bae.” he calls as he walks off towards the hair care products for his locs.

“Well, if I’m finna use the little energy I have to retwist your hair you could at least extend the helping hand!” You call after him.

“I haven’t tried peppermint oil yet but it should be good to add to my mix? Look, I found this small ass bonnet. She’s gonna be able to match us.” He says walking back to you and showing you the lilac bonnet in his hand and you swear you were about to tear up again cause all 3 of you were gonna have matching bonnets and durag.

“If she takes after both of us she’s gonna have a head full of hair. To cover that melon from your side.” You tease him

“Come on and grab your butterfly wings for your eyes so we can go home and finish our show. I’mma cook them snow crabs for you too.” he says to you and you can see him watching you like you hung the moon in the sky yourself as you venture off.

You grabbed the edge control, lashes, a new lipstick, earrings, glosses, Got2b spray, and some accessories for Erik’s hair before meeting him at the counter.

It took him all of two seconds to pay for your beauty supply store addiction and you were off on your way back to the crib to love on him.

Erik was currently standing behind you while you sat in the chair in his old large tshirt and held down the wig to the Ghost Bond glue.

You were talking him through helping you finish the install because you just didn't have the energy to do it.

“Okay you gon’ take a lil piece and wrap it around the wand. But please be careful baby. This one goes from like 0 to a 400 degrees so fast.” you warn and watch in the mirror as he takes the first piece and follows your instructions.

You watch him for a while focusing on your head and asking if you liked the way that it’s turning out. You smile softly at him and nod.

“I'm so grateful , you know. “ you say to him with a pout

“Damn, I was just about to send you a do you like me back yes or no text after this too.” he jokes and you shake your head.

“I’m tryna be serious and appreciate you-” you are cut off by him leaning down and pushing his plump lips out for a kiss from you

“I love you too. 2 more weeks and I get to have my two babies in my arms. What more could I want? ”

Tag list: @doublesidedscoobysnacks

@chaneajoyyy

@mirandkimy

@doitforthevine67

@dasia21

@depressionandfandomsinc

@wholelotta-melanin

@theesotericqueen

@mbakuwife

@spookys-girl

@teardropzih

@bigchoose

@ceo-of-baby

@sweetpeachjones

@lost-ssoull

@shyblackgurl

@nijajoha

@imayhavemisunderstood

(Long post. Sorry I'm still learning how to do the read more thing! Sorry for being gone from here for so long. This one really helped me ease back into writing especially after how much love the first one received!)

#erik killmonger #fanfic for black girls #erik killmonger smut #black panther #black panther fic

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i8jisoo · 4 years

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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?”

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.”

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

“it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

1K notes · View notes

ex-silent-reader · 3 years

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Happy Holidays fic recs

Happy Holidays everybody! I haven’t been commenting on posts individually like i normally like to so it’s kind of backed up a bit. I still really want to thank all the authors who have been sharing their stories with us and leave a lil itty bitty comment before I can expand on them for their own post so here’s that! Also I’ve seen a lot of undeserved negativity being spread to a lot of authors and I just want to thank you all for sharing your work on this platform FOR FREE and remind you that you literally owe us nothing and I’m super grateful that you continue to share with us. These are just some stories that I’ve read this week, i’d def like to do another of these soon :)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of these stories, each story is owned by the author tagged next to the title and the summary is pulled verbatim from their page, in quotation marks. The only thing I own is gratitude towards these authors for sharing their work with us.

Also all stories are rated M

Also, a loooot of stories have come out lately and I haven’t had a chance to get to a lot of them yet but i hope to soon so I’ll hopefully make another one of these soon, but yea pls know that I’m not purposefully ignoring or excluding anything or anyone.

Jin;

last christmas | ksj x reader - @xjoonchildx

“ summary: it was bound to happen, eventually. after months of near misses at barbecues and birthdays, there’s no avoiding your ex-husband at hoseok’s annual christmas bash. but it’s fine, totally fine, because you’re both adults – and you’ve both brought dates and booze. what could go wrong? “

This story was amazing! First of all, I love the comedy surrounding the entire situation, Hobi with his 8 trees and instigator Yoongi who also wants them to get their shit together for Hobi’s sake. I love all au’s but sometimes exes to lovers is difficult for me to side with because I don’t see how people can bounce back from so much hurt but in this story it felt very natural how they were able to find their way back together and I really enjoyed the insight to their relationship, especially near the end.

Yoongi;

CREAM & SUGA - @snackhobi

“summary: yoongi is your favourite regular. he’s patient, polite, and predictable, a-large-black-coffee-to-go-please, no cream, no sugar, thank you. rinse and repeat. the seasons might change, but yoongi’s order stays the same.

and then one fateful day in winter, yoongi asks about the weekly specials, orders a cup of christmas and sugary sweetness, and everything starts changing.”

Ya’ll. Yoongi fics just truly hit different. The plot of this was so adorable and him going out of his way like that to keep her engaged was so cute and just very Yoongi like. I also just really loved the descriptions in this, like how oc described making the drinks, it just made everything seem so real.

universe | myg drabble - @personasintro

“❥𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; you’re his whole universe, you just don’t know it yet – or him”

ASDFGHJKL! Like, I really have no words for the way this made me feel. Like, ik it’s not a super healthy dynamic but the thought of a fixated Yoongi is.. I loved reading Yoongi being so fixated with oc and doing everything i his capability to meet her. I also was v interested in the part where he bumped into her and she didn’t react the way he expected because it made me think about how he (or any character’s with his mindset) cope when the fantast and reality don’t match.

Hobi;

A Holly, Jolly Crisis (M) - @kpopfanfictrash

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

This story made me feel so many things. Like there’s so many layers to it and both of their hurt, her visiting him and feeling betrayed while he felt pushed aside. This story was so complex and both characters had so many layers to them, but it’s still sooo well written and I was invested the entire time. Like, I genuinely can’t get my feelings out in a brief way so I’m looking forward to screaming about this in it’s own post.

Joonie;

my only wish - knj | m - @ppersonna

“✹ summary- There are few things you hate most in this world. Hornets, unnecessary fruit pieces in otherwise perfectly good jello, certain shades of orange… But nothing takes the cake more than two simple things. Christmas. And Kim Namjoon. So why did you agree to pretend to be Kim Namjoon’s girlfriend at his family Christmas party? Bah-Humbug. “

UM! Absolutely adored this story, of course it would be a fellow cream suit enthusiast who can bring so much justice to dreamy Joon. I loved how he was portrayed here and getting insight to both his and oc’s feelings made me root for them soooo hard.

new parent syndrome - @1kook

“ SUMMARY You love Namjoon, honest. But you love your daughter Hyejoo even more— it’s not a controversial sentiment when you know he’s the same way! —and going back to a regular adult life sans kids absolutely sucks. (Or so you thought.)”

The tag “dreamy husband joon” is extremelyyyy accurate. This story was just so cute and their relationship truly felt so intimate and lovely. Her being on the phone with Jimin while Joon was smash SENT me but it was also so hot like ASDFGHJKL that man can do no wrong tbh.

laundry day - @snackhobi

“summary: You’ve been letting your laundry pile up for a little too long. Fortunately, your neighbour Namjoon is there to lend you a hand. “

Pls this was so hot. Like, I’ve made it very clear thus far that I’m a total simp for Joon, the thought of that man going strawberry picking and thinking to grab some for oc genuinely makes me SWOON. He’s an actual heartthrob.

The Sweet in Sweet Potato - @sahmfanficbts

“ Summary: You’ve been roommates for years. Now that you’re catching feelings, it’s time to run away. “

This entire series has had me so invested but this chapter!!! I’m always a sucker for Joon but the way he was so clearly in her feels (for OC) but wanting to respect her need for distance, what a man. And I was so happy to see oc working through her feeling towards Joon.

Last Christmas (M) - @jjungkookislife

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

Damn, I really love when a misunderstanding is such a big catalyst for a bunch of drama/angst. It just really ups the tension for me because as the reader I know it was a misunderstanding but clearly the character’s don’t, so it just makes me really eager to see how they make amends. I really enjoyed seeing them slowly make amends and grow. Also the buildup to them deciding to give the relationship another go made the ending soooo satisfying.

Jimin;

picking petals｜pjm - @taestybae

“ summary ↣ you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. “

I really have no words for this, like it was so asaifgjhhkc. First of all, I really enjoyed that it was through his pov, i don’t typically read stories like that (I just don’t often come across them) but this still felt so natural that I didn’t even realize until right now, writing this comment. Also, the imagery was so well described and the anticipation built made this story so enjoyable.

Taehyung;

Deepest Indulgence - @scribblemetae

“ Description/Summary: The world is a mess, gangs, violence and rates of poverty are at an all time high since corporations took over everything. You built your Sex house to be a safe place and a sanctuary for those in need, promising to protect anybody who needs it. What happens when an extremely attractive and very rich man walks through the door begging for a job at Deepest Indulgence? The one sex house that wasn’t meant for men like himself. “

I AM SO EAGER FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO COME OUT. Like, idk how I can even describe this correctly but this just feel so much like Tae...???? Like idk if that makes sense but just Tae being this v sensual man, but there still being more to him than that, just makes so much sense and even the word “indulgence” is just so sensual and reminiscent of him. Also, the storyline so far is something I’ve personally never seen before and I’m super invested in this world and story already. Very eager to see how their relationship progresses.

let it snow | kth - @suga-kookiemonster

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

It’s the way I read this last night, it took me exactly an hour (3am to 4 am cause I’m a CLOWN), and I was so invested that I kept putting off sleep to finish it. Man, i’m a simp for this Tae (just like he is for oc lmao). I really enjoyed reading it and the mention of Jisoo earlier in the story had me on the edge of my seat the whole time wondering when things were gonna blow up. Everything was just so sweet and fluffy, and the confession really made me feel so soft for them both cause they both were so in their own heads and feelings they couldn’t see what was in front of them so I really enjoyed the confessions.

Jungkook;

Thank you, baby - @scribblemetae

“ Turns out the boy whos been stalking you for years has decided its about time he shows his face in the form of a picture, and decides its time to talk to you for real, in the form of a phone call. “

I genuinely don’t know how I can simp over this story in a short way but I’ll try my best. The characters are so complex and the storyline is twisted so many ways that make this so interesting to read and easy to become invested in. The way Jk is written, I understand why OC is lost on how to feel for him. Like, his actions are wrong, but actually meeting him and even seeing his though process, it’s hard to make him out to be the villian that his actions have categorized him as. I can’t wait to continue reading and write a full length comment about this!

FEED ME, FIGHT ME. @yeojaa

“ What do you get when you mix a pissed off girlfriend with a neglectful boyfriend? (Aside from trouble, that is.) “

I really enjoyed this, I love how aware of Jk and his boundaries the oc is and how she is cautious to walk the line and not push him too far while also letting him know how his actions make her feel. This just genuinely felt like a glimpse into a very real, very intimate relationship/moment and I loved that. I also just really love how this is written and I think you have a beautiful way with words.

Chapstick - @softyoongiionly

“based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. Or Jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. “

Idk if I’ve ever said it before, but I just love how you write relationships. Like, I can feel how comfortable they are with each other and how natural being together is for them. With your stories generally it just never feels forced and I really love that. I also really liked that we got Jk’s pov in the beginning, getting to see how tense he was really made me eager for their interactions and for him to feel comfortable and calm with her. Their interactions just felt so cute and natural and the end, assdjfhi, jk really deserves to be cherished and I loved seeing oc get him to the point of relaxation.

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writefightandflightclub · 3 years

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You are my Sunshine (Finn x Poe x polyamorous! GN reader)

Summary: This is a quick lil bonus fic (in response to an ask from @bookbandobssessed) for Indivisible, which is a super fluffy Finn x Poe x Reader polyamory story. The series is completed and has 4 parts, but this could probably be read as a stand-alone if you like! :o)

Finding time for two cute boyfriends in the midst of a war is hard, but you know one thing for sure. It’s worth it.

Author’s note: hi :) drink some water!

Warnings: This ends up pretty angsty but nothing bad actually happens. I promise. Mentions of making-out. Actual kissing. Posting this late, sorry if there are a ton of typos. I don’t have time to check!

GIF: by @pantherdolphin

It’s very distracting.

And it’s very hard to achieve time management befitting your Commander station when you have not one, but two perfect boyfriends.

In the middle of a war, especially, it’s not easy. You make time for each other when you can, during breaks, or by bartering extra hours for aligned rotas to appease the General. You often help each other to get tasks finished earlier so you can enjoy the downtime as a trio or a pair, depending on who’s on base.

Sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes, you’re all off-rota at the same time, and you can spend all day in bed, or can arrange a simple date like a cute picnic or - if you’re really lucky, a jaunt off-planet.That time Poe flew you and Finn to see the ocean was a particular favourite.

Often though, it’s hard. It’s hard when you’re all flung to different corners of the galaxy for your respective missions. It’s hard when just two of you are left behind to fret about the other. It’s hardest, when one of you is left behind, to fret without any chance of comfort, and no-one to hold you in the night when the bad dreams come.

However, despite the challenges -and sometimes the arguments, when the tensions of the war find some way to leak out- you wouldn’t change this for the world, because it’s worth it. It’s worth all the extra effort, because of the extra love you are able to give, and to receive in return.

This time though, you are finding it especially hard, because while Finn and Poe’s rotas are aligned this week, you happen to be picking up extra as you rigorously prepare your squadron for a high-stakes mission.

During times like this, you have to take what you can get. Squeeze your love into the cracks. Luckily, Poe is particularly good at squeezing things in. He’s a definite fan of quick make-out sessions, and although he’s not as surreptitious as he thinks -the whole base knows to avoid supply closet 7- he’s usually stealing either you or Finn (or you and Finn) for a sneaky fumble. You’re learning that while he typically likes to take his time, the pilot can be... ahem... surprisingly efficient in making it worth stepping away from your duties.

This week though, you have simply been too busy, and you are getting tired of seeing Poe steal Finn away. It’s your own fault. You had denied all their very persistent and earnest offers of help - they deserved their rest after a heavy month and you wanted to make sure they made the most of it. But, you can’t deny that while you refuse to participate in their closet dalliances, you have some serious FOMO.

Plus, you know exactly what Poe is doing. He’s been trying to entice you to join them for the past few days.

This time, he really goes for it. He tugs Finn into him for an open-mouthed kiss across the hangar, making sure you see his tongue slip into Finn’s mouth, pink and glistening. You feel it from both sides. You feel his tongue as though he is slipping into you. As though your tongue is writhing against Finn’s. You watch Finn’s hands skim down to Poe’s ass and grab, and again, it could be Finn’s hands on you, or the meat of Poe beneath your touch.

It’s not as though you’re happy about missing out. But you can’t. You can’t step away.

Poe looks at you hopefully as he breaks from the kiss, but you shake your head gently in apology. Finn throws you a helpless look too, his eyes soft with empathy, but you still have to watch them both walk away as the General grabs you for yet another dry-run of this mission. Still, you try to remember to be happy for them too, and for this rare time they get to spend with one another.

To everyone’s surprise, it’s not you who is called away first though. It is Finn. A new piece of intel pops up, and he and Rey are selected to head an urgent mission up. It happens so suddenly that he is swept away before even you or Poe have a chance to say goodbye.

Still, despite your concern for him, you have no choice but to press on with your duties. There’s too much at stake.

Of course though, you can’t help but worry about your boys. About Finn and whether he will be safe. About Poe, who now has an abundance of downtime to occupy on his lonesome.

What’s worst though, is the unsnatched chances. Now, when you glance across the hangar, you see an apparition of Poe and Finn beckoning you to them, and -oh boy- you wish you had joined them, while you still could. You wish you had held Finn as tightly as possible.

So, it’s fair to say that your distress and your worry and your regret -along with your nerves for your forthcoming mission- are weighing heavy on you, and what’s more, others around base are beginning to notice. You’re even snapping at your squad - a lot more than usual.

At one point in the day, when you’re not sure you can take anymore, Poe’s hand serendipitously appears on your shoulder just when you need it, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“Hey, go easy, Sunshine,” he says gently, and you turn in the direction of his warm, sandy voice. “They’re terrified enough of you as it is,” he teases fondly.

He knows why you’re doing it. He knows you’re not okay, without even asking. Because he’s not okay either. You’re never okay when one of you is missing. Sometimes it’s too hard.

He smiles softly at you, his eyes lightly shining, though he still maintains some facade of professionalism in front of the others. While Finn might be okay with getting steamy wherever, he knows you’d kick his ass. “Can I borrow you for a meeting, Commander?”

You know exactly what he’s getting at though. Or you think you do.

“In supply closet 7? I can’t even think about that, right now, Poe.”

Succumbing to you, leaning into your pain which feels so familiar to him, Poe’s fingers skim down the arm of your flight suit until he clasps your hand firmly in his warm grasp.

“No sex. Just wanna hold you, okay?” He asks, leaning in to give you a soft kiss at your hairline as tears threaten to brim over your eyes, your bottom lip trembling as all your anger gives way to the turmoil it is masking as soon as Poe applies his kindness.

Subtly, Poe turns you away from the prying eyes of the pilots and recruits milling throughout the hangar with a sturdy arm around your shoulder. For good measure he flashes a firm warning with his eyes and a flick of his chin, indicating that said prying eyes should look away and continue on with their own damn business. He is as respected as you are feared, and his warning is swiftly heeded, and so Poe is able to shuffle you away with little drama, easing you across the base; not into supply closet 7, but out onto the hill, in the open-air.

You feel the sun, your namesake, on your face and you feel like you’d almost forgotten it was there. Forgotten that things could feel warm and bright. You are thankful for the reminder, as Poe leads you to a spot on the grass and lowers you with him, resting your head safely in his lap, brushing away the tears as they stream from your eyes, his fingers finding your hair.

“I know,” he shushes. “I know you love Finn, and it’s hard to be apart. But he’ll be safe. He’ll come home.”

Poe knows you love Finn. He was there, the first time you each exchanged those words, in a moment more precious to you than you could have imagined possible.

You try to remember that lightness instead of feeling heavy. And yet, it’s hard.

It’s hard whenever one of you is gone.

Even so, you offer Poe a soft smile and fist your arms in his orange flight suit, burying your face in his stomach. Holding him a little closer, while you can.

Finn was whisked away so quickly that...

Realising something suddenly - something that you already knew- you sit up, compelled by urgency. Compelled by this feeling balling in your chest. You kneel opposite Poe, looking deeply into his eyes and you clasp his face between your palms like a prayer, his fresh stubble harsh under your skin. And you kiss him. You kiss him as tenderly as if it is the first time and the last time, because you never know. You kiss him as if you kiss could make apparent all of these feeling bursting out of you, and his lips and tongue move easily against yours, speaking the same language.

You try to tell him, because he doesn’t know yet. Poe doesn’t know how you feel.

You have known for some time, but something always got in the way of telling him. You had wanted him to have his own moment. One not weighed down by worry, or overshadowed by concerns for Finn; however, here you are with him, on this hill. Sometimes the simple moments are the most special. Especially when you don’t know how many moments you may have. Especially when far too many moments are snatched away by the war.

When you pull away to speak, Poe’s lips chase you, his brow knitted together and tears balling in the corner of his eyes from the intensity and force of your kiss, his plumped lips still puckered in search of more. However, when he sees the intention in you, he lets you slip back from him, even as he keeps a hand wrapped at the nape of your neck, wanting to keep touching you somewhere - feeling your skin under his fingers.

Readying to speak you tug in a breath, to reveal to him this truth, but when Poe searches your eyes he sees your words there already - sees your love already shining for him as brightly as the sun. He’s seen it before, but this time its rays are so warm on him it is unmistakeble.

“Ah ah,” he interupts, gently, with a finger against your lips before you can tell him.

You look at him curiously, a soft smile turning up your lips, mirroring his, and yet you know what he’s about to say too. Couldn’t be more sure. You see it in his dark eyes; his love shining soft and steadfast and glowing like the light of the moon, perfeclty relfecting yours.

“I love you too, Sunshine.”

Your face splits into a blissful smile at the same time that tears wet your cheeks. With a forceful embrace, you throw your arms around his neck, fisting a hand into his curls and holding him as tightly as you possibly can, squeezing your eyes shut even tighter.

You hold him as closely as you can, not ever wanting to let go; not even when you hear the General calling your name from the base of the hill.

It’s time. You have to ship out.

You don’t want to leave Poe. You don’t want to leave Poe alone.

You pull back from him again, and you see a smattering of bittersweet tears on his cheeks too, but you also see a familiar resolve as he nods softly and cups your face in his broad palm.

He knows. You have to go.

It’s always hardest on base alone, but there is a war to fight. A war you must fight, simply so that one day, it can be over. So that you will never have to part from each other like this again.

You say a tearful goodbye to him, his lips meeting yours in a crush, laced with the taste of salt. You turn to leave, more reluctantly than you can express, and yet Poe is the one who grabs hold of your sleeve to stop you.

“Wait!” he pleads, and you do, of course you do. You wait as, to your utter disbelief, he reaches for the chain around his neck, which holds his mother’s ring. You watch, a fresh batch of tears clouding your vision as he moves over to you, and fastens it around your neck, with hope and love and resolve in his face.

Immediately, your hand comes to clasp the chain and the ring at the end of it, happiness exploding in you like a balling sun, crowding out words.

“Come back to me, will you?” he asks, with a lopsided smile, even as his voice cracks, brittle with emotion.

You return his plea with a watery smile of your own, throwing yourself into his arms once more with such force that it almost bowls him over, your tears wetting the shoulder of his flight suit. “I love you, Poe. I love you. I’ll always come back to you. How the kriff could I not?”

Poe kisses you on the lips one more time, and it is like the first time and the last time all at once, but then you really have to leave.

It seems impossibly hard to tear yourself away from him, and yet, you must, and so you jog down to the ship at pace, the chain and a million emotions jangling against and within your chest and reminding you that you’re not really leaving him behind at all. Reminding you that you’re indivisible.

Leia is waiting at the foot of the hill to scold you for your tardiness, but her words evaporate as she spots tear tracks on your cheeks and the new item of jewelry swinging at your neck, and she allows you to glide by with nothing more than a wink and a smile to clamber into your X-Wing.

You slot yourself into the cockpit, and allow yourself a few more thoughts of Poe and Finn before you let yourself slip into mission mode. You hope Poe will be okay, with you both having left him. You know he will worry.

You only hope he hangs on to one thing.

You’re coming back.

You both are. The three of you will be together again. You have to hope.

You clasp the chain around your neck with resolve, and tuck the ring safely under your flight suit, slipping your helmet over your head.

It’s hard. So hard, when you are apart, but it’s worth it. Oh so worth it, for the moments when you’re not.

You smile with determination, even before Poe’s voice crackles through your comms, with all the warmth of a blazing fire.

“Go kick ass, Sunshine. And then come back to me.”

You intend to do just that.

#indivisible #poe dameron x reader #finn x reader #finnpoe #finnpoe x reader #star wars

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reidecorating · 3 years

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the bau team and their star signs based on science

hotch: clearly an aries. this is not up for debate and i don't take criticism. natural born and excellent leader? maybe. but bossy boots because he is just a bossy boss man who probably sleeps in a suit or those pyjamas that have suit graphics on them? most definitely. when he speaks, his voice sounds like it’s coming out in all lower case, when he yells, it’s all caps. angery. down to throw hands at anything in his immediate line of vision probably. will exterminate you like a roach if you mess with someone he cares about. don't break the rules or my boss will kill me 😡 to you're breaking the rules under MY supervision, that way my boss will kill US 🥰. probably microwaves food a lot. type of dad to say no to getting a dog, then two months later get matching christmas costumes with said dog. never stops working because he is an absolute UNIT built like the circuit of one of those infinity pools in bali. could use another sabbatical.

rossi: i saw his birth certificate and the rumours are true, he’s a november sagittarius. two wives away from being a modern day king henry the eighth. it’s rossi’s world and we’re all just living in it. he is a prophet. his third eye has been opened and he ascended to the seventh dimension at the age of 24. when he takes leave, the only way to contact him is through a ouija board in latin or maybe greek depending on the position of the sun. he will only die when he chooses to die but will dissolve at the words ‘what are we?’. the major arteries in his body are just long pieces of macaroni. definitely has hooked up with one person from every state the jet has landed in. no filter between his brain and mouth, will destroy your self confidence intentionally. uses abbreviations when texting. liberal - because of the experimenting back in college. probably friends with your mum on facebook.

prentiss: imagine her being anything but an air sign. you can't because she's clearly an aquarius?? work comes first (first equal with her girlfriend). if you tell her to do something she simply won't do it, especially if it was something she was just about to do. she once came home from a run with her mother in the summer and her mother politely suggested that she should drink some water. emily, an anarchist, did not drink water and was hospitalised for heatstroke in due course of proving her point of nonconformity. has been to jail. sucks on candy canes and makes them pointy because christmas is one of her least favourite days. on probation. no, i really like him *deletes his number*. maybe moves to iceland to become a sheep herder to avoid having to ever see anyone she has romantically affiliated with ever again. actually quite the jester, joke levels exceed 4000, but can make you laugh and cry in the span of approximately the length of a short youtube ad. the antichrist.

morgan: has at some point caused someone to question their sexuality. am i really a straight man? do i really only like women? - direct quotes from anyone who has seen him. if that doesn't scream libra i don't know what does. i’m trying to refrain from using the words ‘hot’, ‘sex god’, ‘rail me’. the kinda guy who will hold open a door for you, but also have no problem kicking one down for you. has never ditched class before. momma’s boy. tries to make his pecs move in the mirror. he KNOWS he’s hot okay??? but THEN its not just that because people are like ‘oh he's attractive’ but then they find out he’s RESPECTFUL, and INTELLIGENT and COMPASSIONATE and then that awkward moment when you just DIE because he is not flawed??? it’s like he’s a lucid dream??? probably secretly is really good at baking some obscure european good. uses colognes that have really manly man sounding names for instance, ‘Man Musk’, ‘Mystical Muscles’, ‘Beards and Buttercream’.

garcia: the epitome of a female pisces. a baddie™. definitely owns a pair of those really skinny sunglasses that influencers wear and looks like god herself while in them. spirals from being the momma bear to the wine-aunt. she will care about you so hard but if that's not reciprocated, will hack into your my eyes only and fax those pictures to every machine she can connect to. accidentally has flirted her way into at least 19 relationships. really good at writing fan fiction??? like - seriously good. knows 4 different synonyms for the word “member” iykyk. researches things the people she loves most enjoy, so when she talks to them she can have more detailed conversations. catches feelings for people who are definitely not good for her. sometimes just takes off her glasses because she's tired of, well... seeing. hand makes cute lil earrings for her friends. a master at fireboy and watergirl and will never play with anyone else because ‘another player just slows you down, i can do it myself in half the time’. THAT FRIEND WHO WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO TIE YOUR LACES.

jj: virgo. she was definitely that girl who had notes with pretty titles and colour coded highlighters in school. also did extracurriculars in the weekends so she’d have to be picked up from sleepovers early to go to soccer games. when she takes the time to learn something she learns it well and perfects any craft handed to her because anything less than 100% is failure in her eyes. gets annoyed when other people cry for too long probably. will judge you. so much. silently. especially if you cry. don't make her mad because she has caused civil unrest in 13 continents. live, laugh, love signs in her kitchen. security footage surfaced in 2007 of her roundhouse kicking a middle aged man, in the junk food aisle of a trader joe’s, after he took the last re-stocked bag of cheetos. has a ‘mom first, agent second’ mug that garcia got her. likes family walks which will most likely be planned out meticulously, involving a detailed itinerary of the day i.e. Henry’s toilet break, 10AM

reid: he despises star signs and anyone who gives them any thought because “where is the SCIENCE?” this bitch is a scorpio. definitely only knows his sun sign. so intense! have you seen the way he looks at things?? the way he stares??? the way he analyses dead bodies??? the way he loves??? ridiculously put together to everyone around him but emotionally life is soup and he is fork. kinky. breaks off bananas little by little with his hands before eating each piece individually because eating them normally is too sensual and he’s paranoid morgan might see him doing it and take a picture. wants the kind of love he reads about. has a superiority complex about having a superiority complex. keeps a straight face while saying literally anything so you cannot tell if he’s being serious or not like one day he’ll just be like “yeah i killed a man with an axe once to enable myself to more easily empathise with future unsubs who potentially work as lumberjacks or have a history of logging. it’s called method axing,” and then leave the room to draw circles on maps or something. believes that parallel parking should work, in theory, but never seems to work for him in practice.

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let-me-touch-your-soul · 3 years

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a loveless letter

I’ve been wanting to write you a letter for years now but I just haven’t been able to formulate my thoughts into words and I never knew when would be the perfect time to write. I was waiting for us to end so I can have the whole picture to reflect on but I no longer see an end in sight for us and this letter is probably going to be very messy with no plot at all, so just bare with me for now until I can write a better, more chronological letter. And let me just preface this by saying this is in no way me putting any blame on you, this isn’t me trying to call you out and paint you as the bad guy. This is just my side of our story.

We met when I was 4 years old, and all you were to me was my friend’s older brother, nothing more nothing less. I don’t know where exactly I crossed the line or you did, but you are no longer just that. You are now someone who stole my innocence and gave me a warped perception of this world and the word ‘love’. There is so much to say but let me try to start from the beginning.

When we first started talking outside of family functions, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I have no perception of time so I just like to say it all started when I was 12, but I’m pretty sure it was before that. We started talking and at that time you were just some guy I was interested in; it wasn’t even remotely close to a crush yet, I was just hyped about getting some sort of attention from an older guy. Don’t know where the lines blurred but suddenly you were making sexual advances to a little girl, someone who had no idea what some of the words you were saying meant, someone who was just learning about the horrors of the world, someone who was already getting their childhood and innocence stolen from them.

I just went along with everything you said and wanted because I didn’t want to disappoint you and didn’t want you to stop talking to me. I became obsessed with the attention you were giving me, well my body. As someone who suffered with an altered body image for as long as I can remember, I was basking in the attention you were giving to the physical parts of me, no matter how objectified and dehumanized it made me feel at times. I lied about the number of people who had touched me and about all the experiences I never had, (I was only 12 so how could you even think I had other people touching me in my most intimate places?), just so you wouldn’t think I was as innocent as I was. You made me grow up too early.

As we kept talking, my heart slowly made its way to the surface and I caught feelings, despite us both discussing it would be ‘no strings attached’. I thought I was the only one with these flutters and I was way too embarrassed to say anything about the way I really felt so I never brought it up, I just went along with everything you said. After all, I was still just a shy little girl who had no idea what she got herself into. But then one night, you told me you loved me. I still remember that moment vividly, as if it happened just yesterday. It was the night before my first day of school (6th grade) and I was charging my phone in my parent’s bedroom, telling you goodnight, and you replied with “goodnight, love you”, and with shaking hands and a heart going a mile a minute I replied with, “goodnight, love you too”, smiling so hard my cheeks started going numb. That was the beginning of the end of me.

Truth be told, I wasn’t even sure at that time if I really did love you, but I still said it back because I didn’t want to lose you, but after all these years I think I can safely say that somewhere along the line I did fall in love with you, with what exactly I don’t know, but I did love you. But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, there is so much more left of this story, this is barely the beginning.

You made me believe you loved me. We texted all day and night, meaningless conversations filled with sexual tension. You were the first boy I showed my body to, the first boy I kissed, the first boy who held me and touched me, the first boy I shed tears for, the first boy I had feelings for and said “I love you” to.

I remember seeing you with different girls on your snap everyday and remember hearing about you from other girls you were doing the same thing to them as were doing to me, and with every girl I lost a piece of myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jealous. I knew you weren’t mine, you made that pretty clear from the beginning, and I was never the jealous type. But, I was hurt. I thought I was faulty. I couldn’t blame you, because you made it clear from the beginning that you didn’t want anything exclusive, this was all just fun for you, a passing time, so with no one to blame I blamed myself. All the other girls were much older than me, and prettier, and skinnier, so if I was just prettier and as skinny as them maybe you would show me more attention right? I started changing myself. I ate less and threw up more. I started wearing tighter clothes and starting drinking and smoking, because that would make me more cooler and desirable right? Wrong. You still looked at other girls, and I couldn’t change myself anymore, I was on the brink of losing myself, love. All for you. But you never noticed. You never cared enough to know.

I remember getting drunk one night and texting you that I loved you but felt as if you didn’t love me. Do you remember that? You replied back in the morning saying you did love me. It was all baseless though. It was very clear you only said that to not be painted as the bad guy, but I still took your word for it and never brought it up again, and neither did you. I think that was the last time the word “love” was uttered between us. Did I ruin it?

I also can’t help but bring up how all our conversations happened within apps that couldn’t be seen by others unless specifically searched for. After all, who would even believe you were talking to lil ole me. Were you ashamed of me? Embarrassed to be seen talking to me? Well thats exactly what it seemed like. You made it very clear we were to be kept a secret, not a single soul should know you were talking to me. So I kept quiet. Didn’t tell a single soul about the boy who held my heart and crushed it along with my innocence.

I tried to distance myself from you. I wouldn’t answer your texts, but at times my longing got the best of me and I couldn’t stop myself from responding back to you. We would go months without any contact and every time it was you who would hit me up first and I would lose the battle within me and respond and we would be back to square one, texting as if nothing changed between us. I think I found comfort in that familiarity of knowing exactly what to expect when talking to you. Our dynamic never really changed over the years, did it? I still can’t decide if thats a bad thing or a good thing.

I tried to move on from you, I really did. But no one, nothing, lasted and I always ended up going back to you one way or another. I tried to fill the hole you left in me with drugs and drinks and boys who also only wanted me for my body. After all, that was all I knew. I didn't know love outside of what I could offer with my body. You taught me I wasn’t anything beyond my body and I never stopped to question it, and sometimes I still regress back to that little girls mind, and I’m still forced to exist in the body I destroyed for you, in the body I still let you use from time to time.

There are times when I think I am completely over you and nothing you do affects me anymore but then you text me again and all the feelings I had for you over the years come rushing back and I feel like I’m 13 all over again falling head over heels in love with you. But honestly, I think I just find comfort in the familiarity of you. We’ve been in this push and pull situationship (what else is there call us?) for I think over 6 years now, and I’ve honestly just come to accept that it probably won’t be a solid ending to this anytime soon. I tried so hard to end it and move and forget about you, but the truth is that I am too weak when it comes to you. Now, I have no idea whatsoever why you keep coming back to me when there are so many other better prospects out there for you and I try not to think too deep into it because I don’t want to create false hope and hurt myself any more than I already have. I gave you all my teenage years, and I am still giving them you. We grew up with each other and these years are just something neither of us can take back and I’ve come to just accept this and try to live with knowing there will never be anything more to us, no matter how hard that acceptance is for me.

I told myself that going away to college was going to be a fresh new beginning for me and that I would completely cut you off. We all know that didn’t go as planned. I had sex with you for the first time this summer. Did you know that was my first time lol? Yeah I literally have never had anyone touch me like that except for you. I don’t think I can ever come clean about that to you because that’s just too much power in your hands over me with that information. I’m sorry for lying and making you think I was more experienced than I actually was, but I guess now you know why I did it.

I think for me to be able to fully move I would need to hear your side of everything from you. But I don’t know if I’ll ever get the closure I need directly form you so I guess this is why I’m writing this, as a way to get some type of closure for myself. I never plan on telling you any of this because being vulnerable is just not something I have in me, especially to you, so I guess we both will just be living in the dark about this without any answers for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes, and I know this sounds hilarious and dumb, I wonder what the future holds for us. I wonder if we met at a different point in our lives, where we were both older and wiser, would we have been able to be more than what we are now, whatever we are now. I’ve held feelings for you inside of me for so long I really don’t think it will ever go away; I’m just going to have to find a way to live with them for the rest of my life. I just want to end this by letting you know that if you ever change your mind about me and us, and want there to actually be an ‘us’ exclusively, I will say yes to you without hesitation. You hold pieces of me I will never get back, pieces I don’t even know if I want back, and I don’t think if I will ever be able to devote myself so someone else with the same intensity I devoted myself to you. I used to be able to see a future with you, and I would like to blame that on my naive, young brain. Thank you for teaching me that not everyone who comes into my life will reciprocate the same feelings as me and that love is only a figment of one’s imagination. I sincerely hope you never feel what I felt and that you find someone who loves you back the same way you love them. I hope you are happy and content with wherever you end up in life, just don’t forget me. :)

#09/20/2021 3:04am

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btswishes · 3 years

Text

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 3)

Previous / Next (4)

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: Ok Chapter 3 here we go, things are moving 10 000+ words later XD. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count: 3,997

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU

Y/N- Your name

Y/L/N- Your Last Name

Tag list: @vicmc624

----------------------------

Two men dressed in dark fancy suits helped Captain America sit on the bench next to Dr. Banner, while one more presumably, also an agent rolled in 2 stretchers. From the voices you could distinguish Natasha Romanoff and Sergeant James Barnes. Not too far, with a confidant step followed Tony Stark keeping the splint around his left hand, covered slightly by the expensive material of his jacket - throw casually over his shoulders. Poor Pepper having her husband come home almost dead all the time- must be just awful.

“What happened?” Bruce barked out intensely checking Natasha in a hastily manner, making sure there wasn’t anything too major

“HYDRA fed us the wrong information, long story short caught the link in time and no one died.” Tony explained, pulling a squished protein bar from the inside of his pant pocket

“I almost saw the light for a second time Tony.” Captain hissed when you began disinfecting his wounds, reacting to the cold cooling yet irritating feeling of the clear liquid on the cotton ball.

“I am sure that was the explosion.” Natasha snickered at the blond man. ”Next time don’t look at it, ok?” One after the other injured agents flooded the lab making motion difficult. Most of the equipment was on the other end of the packed room. Talking and a mix of incoherent sounds filled your head, causing you to go into overdrive. You had no idea how people could work in such an environment. Hospital work was part of your curriculum, as weird as it sounded, since you were dabbling in human body functions. Even there you never had so many people on your head, there was order- obviously lacking here.

Some were very badly injured, near-death was a correct way to say it, but for sure not 90%. Looking around you couldn’t find a shorter way towards the bandages and irrigation solution. Tables and people were placed like chess pieces in a game you were losing because of panic. Tony kept his eyes on you, biting down on the crumpling snack, waiting to see what you would do. It could have been all a test for what you knew, yet it flew over your head.

“Dr. Banner.” You yelled out patching up the Cap and moving onto one of the stretchers “Can you pass me the small bag behind you please?” he nodded and did it all without even taking a look away from Natasha’s wounds. Professional or just slightly overconfident?

Rising your right hand you caught the bag making its way towards you. The flap flung open and you pulled out the 4 bottles of vibranium dust onto the table, right next to you. A hair tie emerged from the same place shortly after. Bucky looked up at the changing expression on your face, interested in silence maybe also in a bit of pain. Your fingers raked up your scalp, gathering as much hair as possible to imprison with the elastic. Tony ever so silent but focused, a good judge of character.

The lids of the bottles rolled onto the desk, discarded without a thought. Your hands cupped all of them and spilling piles of metallic dust on the floor. Stark rose an eyebrow and stopped chewing for a second. Taking a deep breath the oxygen gathered all your thoughts into an anxiety suppressing pill, shooting in waves through your bloodstream. You didn’t waste any time, your eyelids swung up letting your lashes almost hit your brows. Both your elbows bent in, positioning themselves next to your waist line snugly. You could feel your back muscles clench and tighten before extending. They shot your arms to the sides, dust cloud forming two plates pushing agents to the side.

“SILANCE!” the room granted your wish, even the atoms could be heard moving with the shock engulfing the field “This is a lab NOT a playground! If you are able to cause such ruckus you aren’t hurt enough to be here. If any of you insist on doing this, I will give you a reason to scream. If you are patched up leave! Got a paper cut or bruise- leave! Unless you crawl to me, I don’t want to see you.” hunched over your body didn’t move from its metal bending pose, arms spread like a bird in flight, eyes looking forward “Now, out.” the words vibrated fearless in your throat

It wasn’t surprising that almost all people in black suits left in a rush, accept some that were actually getting treated from the mission. Sergeant Barnes was still laying on the stretcher waiting for his turn, taken back from the scene that unraveled above him. Almost in a Dr. Strange hand motion you pulled the vibranium back.

The silence continued making your confidence evaporate and let the anxiety condensate back into you. Eyes roaming around the room till a loud and audible clap pulled the strings of your head towards it. Tony was doing his best not to mess his arm up more, but to him this deserved praise.

“Well done Miss inter, I am pleasantly surprised with your actions…” his footsteps creeped up, letting his body lean onto Bucky’s current bed, ignoring the man’s grunt of discomfort “…and that.” his finger made circles pointing at your arms covered with the metallic dust shaped slightly like a gauntlet

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” Banner, back still facing the rest of the room, scoffed proud like a father witnessing his child’s grades

“You know about it?” Tony crushed up the plastic of the protein bar, tossing it in the trash in the corner of the room

“Yeah.” The doctor was finishing up with Natasha “We were actually talking about that with her before you rushed in. I was lucky enough to get a special demonstration as well.”

“So what is it Miss intern ?” his head tilted, showing a new angle of his goatee

It didn’t take you long to notice that the sergeant couldn’t get up because he was shot pretty badly. Your desk had turned into a makeshift surgical table with all kinds of things on it - soon to be used. One of the gauntlets flew off your soft skin and pulled up the soldier like he was made of feathers. The wound seemed to be closing up fast, the super serum did give him abnormal healing. This was proof that not everything is a good thing. The bullet was still lodged inside his body, which wasn’t the optimal place for foreign matter.

“It’s vibranium dust. I am sure Mr. Stark knows about it. It was in my application papers.” You began disinfecting the area, applying a small dose of lidocaine onto the open cut, just to numb it as much as possible. Somehow you didn’t want this man to feel any more pain that he already had endured, past or present moment.

“You did, about it being inside the body not throwing it like the pissed off Sand man.” The ever so playful with words Tony ladies and gentlemen

“I might have skipped one or two parts, but they were something I was experimenting with on the side and not on the subject I was offering.” The vibranium took the elegant shape of a sharp scalpel. With a light hand, the pressure made the blade disappear into Bucky’s skin, making a big enough incision. Tweezers fit inside snugly, pulling out the bullet that looked almost destroyed in his body. “ This batch is under my willful control.”

“Transmitter?” Tony’s eyes went over your whole body trying to find something, still consciously making a mental mark, on the little knife you manifested from basically a pile of metal “Doesn’t look like they are voice triggered .”

“The only transmitter is my brain waves.” Placing your fingers over a cup of rubbing alcohol, you dropped in the tweezers and the scalpel, now turned into the same shiny mass as it was originally in its own jar “ Quantum engineered with quarks made from my own tissues.”

“Ssss.” The hissing sound that came out from in-between Tony’s teeth as he took a sharp breath in, send chills down his own back “Masochist aren’t you. Hey, we don’t kink shame here sweetie, don’t worry.” A playful wink flew towards you “Y/N right?” your head nodded, hands putting things in their original place, trying to give the room back its original look “Nice nice. Welcome to the team, glad to have you. Seems like you chose Banner to start off your training. I am deeply offended .” a big hand grabbed onto the fabric over his heart, in the most theatrical way possible “Most people go for the playboy billionaire. I guess not everyone has good taste, don’t worry I will fix it.”

“Excuse me?” training? Well that definitely was NOT in the list of activities for you internship “Ugh…”

“Sweet cheeks, you didn’t thought I would give access to Avengers information just like that to an intern?” he scoffed at exactly what you were thinking. The rest of the members were observing the situation from the sidelines. It wasn’t yet their time to jump in.

“Look.” His thigh went over the desk, sitting half way onto it, head crooked at you. Tony was focused on the ever so slightly changing lines of your face. He wasn’t the only one holding a breath in in expectation “I went over you application, I was taken back by your idea. It was so outside the box I am kinda jelly I didn’t come up with it. Some more digging here and there... turns out joining my university was done on a whim - second shot to the heart sweetie.” his fingers back onto his chest next to the reactor core “ Lack of history before that, no future ambitions whatsoever. Heck -” Tony’s body slid off the hard flat surface, fixing the jacket slipping off his shoulder. His back was facing you as he began walking towards the exit “ Even your professors were worried about you- gave them a lil call. I just saw a bright cookie I wanted, so I got you.” With a sideways, look he smirked almost like a cat playing with a mouse

“And I plan to keep you here one way or the other, so I offer you this.” Arms spread sideways, garment now resting on the floor, gathering the dust and dirt from all the shoes in here previously “Training, knowledge and access to tech you would never have even in university or the government. Your choice. Become someone who you used to look up to, or go back after the end of your internship.”

Your eyes moved from the floor, slowly towards his jacket, over it and straight up his body. The breath lodged inside your throat began moving in and out unnoticeable. The two super soldiers could practically hear you inhaling a storm around yourself and Natasha read your body language. To all of them you were as simple as an open brochure. Tony knew, he was just waiting for the moment you crack under. You were but a pile of clay with astonishing properties, ready to be turned into anything.

“I did apply to Stark university as a last choice. BUT! I applied to this internship for the sole reason of doing nothing but the best to build up a reputation and secure a position in the future.” Your voice snuck out from between your soft lips as a rising in octaves whisper. As confidence began to accumulate so did the need for you to prove your qualities “Even if you didn’t tell me this Mr. Stark, I would have still whipped my success onto your face. There is something I just gotta know.”

The loud laugh echoing from inside his voice box made your whole body flinch, a blink opening your eyes wide simultaneously. “That is my girl! Exactly what I wanted to hear from you. I knew I chose you very very well. And call me Tony, I am not that old yet for Mr.” his heels swung his body like a ballerina to face you for a bit “ First round you have with green angry guy over there. Banner seems to like you already, but I want to see how true those PE grades of yours are. I expect you to take the gym in the building as serious as the rest do, little smarty pants. I would say don’t disappoint, but that look in your eyes shows me you don’t need cheesy lines. ”

It felt like time froze the moment the owner of the building stepped out of the lab. The heartbeat in your ears was the only thing counting down the seconds passing by you, before a big and firm arm rested onto your right shoulder. Neck cracked a bit looking up at the huge yet gentle owner. He flashed you a smile almost as bright as his blonde hair.

“He tends to mess with newcomers, don’t worry your head about it too much. Was like that with me too.” Captain America looked down at Bucky and then back at you “I leave my oldie here with you, make sure you take good care of him. “

“Thank you sir.” You blurred out, out of respect towards your childhood hero and probably one of the few people who you felt you could talk casually with out side of ‘work’

“Please, call me Steve. Even if you are a baby to the group, you are still an Avenger in training so, no need for formalities with us.” With a gentle patting motion he pushed himself off you and in the direction of his own room. ”Don’t stay too long and forget to eat, I know how you science people get.”

Natasha jumped off the stretcher and groaned out, trying to reposition the shoulder that once more was part of her body and not just hanging by muscles and tissues.

“See you later.” She flashed you a smile, red locks of hair dancing like fire around her “Neighbor.” The word sung out playfully, in a teasing big sister manner

“You staying behind for the usual check up?” Bruce’s voice cracked, waves directed towards the super soldier sitting on the stretcher next to you.

“Yeah.” The word bass low almost pushed his head to the side, but he stopped half way- direction opposite from you

“Y/N would you be a dear and do it for me? I have to go and get Clint his meds.” His thin figure skillfully snaked around tables, chairs and desks out of the room - door sliding closed behind him. You could hear the pressured air whistled inside from the movement.

Pushing the screen over to the Sergeant’s body made you paused. The scanner caught easily the interference caused by his weapons, plastered over his body in bondage style belts and bags.

“Um, you will have to take those off. Sorry.” Your voice but a whisper that only his super senses could catch. With a nod he reach up to the clasp. The straps were pushing into his strong and muscular body so much, the moment he pressed the button they popped off with a jump, landing onto this pectorals seconds later. As much as you tried to stay professional, your eyes kept drifting over his body. Bucky looked huge compared to the TV version of him. Everyone knew he was experimented on by HYDRA and made into an enhanced human, but this man was a walking tank. His biceps and thighs waiting to just bust out of the fabric. Going wide, your eyes connected with your brain, realizing you were practically having weird thoughts over an injured person. Shaking out of it, you pulled back.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. ?” calling out, the interface answered practically before you could finish saying the name

Yes Miss.

“Do a standard scan and a nerve check please.”

Shall I send the results to your tablet?

“Yes, thank you.” The sound of the machine turning on led you to pull the flat screen and look at the image developing as pixels. Bucky’s body didn’t move, a bolder just sitting there and waiting. Yet his eyes caught a glimpse of your body slowly leaning onto the desk, focused on your work, unintentionally exposing your neck to him - the shapes your curves made. Somehow he couldn’t avert his gaze even if his head was empty from thoughts.

Done

“Ok...” the letters were prolonged. Biting your nail you noticed the inflamed nerve on his shoulder, pinched between his metal arm and the flesh of his body. “ Any shoulder pain?” you wanted him to say it, not you showing it

“None that I know of.” He responded, voice like thick caramel- sweet. Breathy as it was, the sigh left your mouth open, pulling your eyelids down over your irises. Your hips pushed you away from the desk and over to his left side. The cold vibranium under your touch felt refreshing. Soon as you found the spot, just the slightest pressure made him grunt.

“Hm.”an amused smirk followed the huff of air through your nose “Well I am sure this is something you know of.” Bucky kept his serious face, looking forward and not acknowledging the pain you pulled out of his extremity “Sergeant Barnes, come on.” He didn’t budge nor would he any time soon and you knew that without a verbal answer or marker

Inhaling some air, you prepared yourself for a conversation that might just jab at more than his inflamed nerve. It could or couldn’t end up with you dead, but you weren’t getting anywhere with this. Pulling the chair on one leg, you swung it over standing directly in front of the tense man. It was time for a confrontation that no one wanted. With a push of your coat you sat down, crossing your legs and leaning onto the knee, elbow to palm.

“Look, I may not be the best person to have this conversation with or anywhere close to that, but you really need to start opening up at least to the people that care about you. Steve ‘cough cough’.”

Bucky was still jumping from object to object but staying away from you “Keep your secrets to yourself soldier. Fighting inner demons and past trauma that you don’t even remember is hell, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer on the outside too. No one would think of you any less if you said ‘hey my shoulder hurt’.” Leaning onto the chair’s back you let your head fall towards the wood behind . Diverting your physical eye contact let him eye you comfortably.

“What would you know about that?” ok he spoke, defensive and aggressive but progress- we are making it

“I don’t, I never said I did. If I could experience what you have, I would do it to understand you.” Side to side your head rubbed over the backrest, little splints tugging on your hair “Trust me, I would make this whole situation a lot better.”

“Is this part of your internship or something?” his words pulled your teeth to your bottom lip, squeezing away gently the remark you wished to make. Maybe a bit of Tony was rubbing off onto you.

“Babysitting problematic kids?” head shot up, as your fingers found your chin, placing your whole demeanor into a thinking position “No, I don’t think so.I don’t tend to brats, not my forte.”

“You seem to let your lips lose in bad situations.” Oh now, now he was mad. “Might end up biting you in the ass later.” You didn’t need superpowers or the bp of his heart to deduce it. Since we jumped over the acceptable line by a mile, no need to turn back now. There is one way to deal with an ass and that was bite back harder.

“Sorry for not walking on eggshells around you. Sergeant Barnes.” You saluted him in a mocking way, leaning back in the chair, basically feeling the waves of anger directed towards you. If this was the Winter Soldier he would have bitten off my throat, disgraceful. - the contractions of your lungs stopped at that thought, so rude...so you? Almost like you knew him personally. Ok, ok time to cool down before something happens.

“How do you expect me to help you if you don’t throw me a bone?” you sighed, feeling still how angry Bucky was about the whole conversation and situation in general. You were in the same headspace, if not in a weird yet familiar one” If the arm hurts, let people help, heck ask Dr. Banner or Tony.” It still felt weird using their first names - energizing no doubt

“They don’t understand, never will, nor will you.” This grown man was acting like a child, like the world didn’t have people who had similar levels of stress in their life. It was slowly crawling up your nerves and igniting a fire that could, if unleashed, burn him down so fast, only the metal arm would be left. But you tried to stay cool and calm, be the adult.

“Fine, do what you want.” Your body shot up as you threw your hands even higher. The lab coat fixed itself back onto you, fingers rubbing the back of your neck. The man sat there hunched over, arm stinging with the most dumbfounded look he could plaster over his stoic façade. “You can go, but if you don’t fix it you will be a burden on the next mission.” And you threw the hook, now all good ol’Bucky had to do is bite and this would be all over in the nick of time. There was a room with your name on it, calling.

You waited and waited till you noticed the stars pocking inside from the window. Head moving towards your clock made you realize that it was already 9pm. With a jump in your step you pulled all the vibranium back in its original comfy home and inside the space in your new desk. Whipping dust off tech and trying to organize your papers, completely ignoring the tantrum little boy pretty close by.

“Fine.” Bucky’s voice was louder and deeper than before

“What?” your neck tugged on the muscles, letting you look at him with an unbothered look swimming around in your eyes.

“I said fine.Do what you gotta do.” And the verbal consent was given on a whim. Joy filled you up knowing you wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. All happened in a blink of an eye - arms wrapping around his, a sudden loud and painful swing leading to the crack of his whole metallic prosthetic. This was probably the first time you saw such an expression on his face. His brain now activated to deference mode, reached to grab your neck. Any normal person would piss their pants, but you tried to stay calm. Tapping his wrist you played a small echoing sound, when his eyes landed on the full extension and rotation of his arm.

The accumulating pressure left his muscles as it showed on his face. Bucky’s eyes were wide, roaming over his arm with the speed of light, pulling a light cough out of your throat.

“Sorry. “ he pulled back instantly.

“I just repositioned your arm you big brute. Next time swing gentle, no need to go through walls.” Palming your neck you pointed at the door

“Now leave me to my work.” A light jump and he was on his legs again doing as you requested, not being able to say anything. Leaning onto the door frame he mumbled something and left.

Sergeant Barnes was thankful Miss.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed you, pulling a smirk from deep inside. “Yeah yeah, I know. Tough nut that James Barnes. Such a kid.” One more giggle and it was off to finishing up for you.

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myfight · 3 years

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ME AND MY 2 BABIES STORY PLEASE HELP US ANYBODY PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Hello Everyone I´m sorry to bother you Guys right now but as of right now i don´t know what else to do im 28 years old born in NC and brought up in NC by my grandmother my mom had 8 of us lol yes 8 of us she dropped us first four off with our grandma for a man so coming up was hard especially been the third oldest i had to grow up fast started cooking at the age of 5 childhood was very messed up and we was highly affected by our mother actions which cause us major pain because of the things we had to go through and hear getting beatings with drop cords switches belts brooms etc whatever they had close by sadly my mother came back to take us when i reach middle school all because my dad gave my grandmother money for taking care of his two he got with my mom me and a brother my mom was money hungry and still is but since he didn't give her the money she came back to take us out of spite knowing she didn't want us have your mother ever told you if her grandma was living she wouldn't had no kids at all or wish she didn't have the kids she got or feel the need to tell her kids how long they gone live in this world and her favorite was we want live to see our old age smh well mines said all of it proudly with a smile we were damage by that as well when i was 16 i moved in with my boyfriend and his family who was next door to my mom i was threaten daily by him and when i would tell my mom she would ask me what did i do to him or say to him as if it was my fault and i actually thought i was the bad guy breaking all the relationship rules then them threats turned into major beatings where i would have to run next door crying with the black eyes busted lips and all only for my mother to say the same thing WHAT DID I DO TO HIM so wrong smh sad but true it was like she didn't want me staying with her because she knew we didn't like her young husband who was beating on her and when we would take up for her she turned on us and was on his side and whatever he say goes so if he didn't want me there even doe i´m her blood she birth me she wasn't gone go against him so i want gone be there smh so i had no where at all to go but back to the one abusing me in many different forms it was like a hobby for him years passing by and beatings getting worst more black eyes bruises and busted lips he kept me in the house from everybody and i mean everybody when i was 20 i was blessed to be pregnant just by the wrong man who i always tried to get away from but i was beyond happy because i would soon see and feel what real love feels like and i thought by me being pregnant with his child the cheating would stop and i would be safe from the beatings but oh no i thought wrong yes the beatings was worst the whole 9 months i had black eyes busted lips etc even was slammed on the ground slammed on top of rocks and all while pregnant with nobody to turn too feeling unwanted and worthless but still happy because i was becoming a mother thinking when i have our baby it would be better for us both and plus i had no where to go so 2012 i had my first real love my baby thank GOD I was crying with full of joy i can say the first 2 months everything was good falling into place for my family no more beatings but then his old ways came back i´m getting beatings in front of my 2 month old even while holding him at times i´m home daily while he out living life because of my baby i kept faith even through the beatings hurt and pain then 2 years later i found out i was pregnant again i was beyond happy again but he wasn't at all so them beatings was way worst now i´m getting beating while pregnant holding my 2 year old mother still next door asking me what am i doing wrong smh he would put crushed pills in my food and drinks he would put a lot of stuff in my food and drinks to make me lose my second child i´m getting stomped and all when he get upset with whoever or when he couldn't get his way or his weed he did so much to try an make me lose my baby i went to my mom house next door while he was working i begged her to let me stay with her into i have my baby and ill do anything she said yes i could but i had to give her 200 in my food stamps every month and i was only getting 300 but i had to do whatever to save my baby this is year 2014 then i finally had my baby while staying at my moms when i was at the hospital he came crying saying all the right things i wanted to hear and now that my baby is here my mom no longer wanted us there so i went back to my baby daddy house the 3 of us everything was okay once again at first when my baby was 2 months he had came home around 3 or 4 am after leaving the club he came in all drunk just all over the place i whisper to him to please not be loud but i was talking to myself he was highly rude and loud now my 2 month old up crying and now he passes out as i´m trying to get her to stop crying he wakes up and look at me and her as we in the rocking chair and says ´´SHUT THAT LIL BITCH UP´´ and i responded back and said ´´MY BABY not NO BITCH AND YOU THE REASON SHE UP NOW¨¨ he responded back by saying the same thing so i said the same thing back as well then next thing i know i closed my eyes they were shut so tight all i could hear was a big boom and my two month old screaming when i opened my eyes all i could see was plate glass all in her hair blanket on her face and body and the same with me i broke down crying he kicked us out in the cold rain for about 30 minutes the next day came he comes in the room sees me holding my 2 month old with my 2 year old standing close by and i was on the phone and he heard me begging for some type of family help to leave from him asap i was crying he told me to get off the phone and when i didn't he throw his cellphone at me his cell phone hit my hand and broke my finger smh he put us in his car he pulled my hair all the way from our little city to the next little city while i´m in the backseat with both my babies holding them crying and that ride was almost a 30 minute ride now my scalp was bleeding and all sadly when we got back to his house i watched him sleep thinking about taking his life for all them years of beatings and cheating crying so bad and then i looked at my babies and said GOD blessed me for a reason and hes not worth leaving them because i´m all they got and want nobody treat them like i do i didn't go to sleep that night the next day he left to go out of town for work and i packed all of our stuff up and left he quit his job that same day and came where we was asking me to come back home and be with him but i was beyond tired now and over it so i said no he said ok you know what BITCH i´m tired of you and all i heard was his gun cock back and he turned around with it in his hand and all i did was fall into the front door of my grandma house on top of both my babies scared out of my mind crying laying on top of my two babies luckily my elderly cousin was there so he didn't shot the gun he said he got something for me and took off i called the law he went to jail he got out and the next day he was already with another woman everyone asked me how he moved on so fast after a day and i told them she was with him as long as i was even while i was living with him like i said before he was cheating and i was getting the beatings but me moving out him moving on didn't stop him from coming and putting his hands on me with his famous line you my baby mama i can do this and that smh never knew how to take him and at this point he would come kick in the door run over my babies bikes and all then call the police on his self and wait for them to come smh crazy right his woman he was with got mad at him and called the Social Services with a bunch of lies and the crazy part about it she called SS because the night before he wouldn't have sex with her childish right but she thought he didn't want to have sex with her because he was cheating with someone else or me baby girl not this one i was THANKING GOD i wasn't the one getting beatings every other day in front of my babies didn't even wish that on her but she texted him and said she was gone hurt him and me by getting our kids taken when i wasn't bothering them she was very close reaching that devilish goal especially with the lies that came out of her mouth but THANK GOD she was a highly sloppy sneaky person because when he showed the text of her saying that´s how she was gone hurt me and him by getting our kids taken SS dropped the case she went to jail too and they broke up for a week then he came back wanting my kids to go with her somewhere i said no he slapped me but that slapped didn't make me change my mind and when i told him its either my kids spending time with him without her because she just tried to have them taken he gone say to me and my kids goodbye he pick her so i said to hell with him he missing out on them growing up but he didn't care he made that clear and i was tired of being the nice person and at least let him try to be a dad he wasn't paying child support and he would see them every blue moon one day we had no food i called him and asked him to bring them a 1 dollar burger a piece he asked me do he look like a damn soup kitchen i said no you would look like a father smh i was working at a fast food place he came to the job bothering me being funny posting on Facebook him and his woman clowning me about where i was working but as a MOTHER a job is a job smh 2019-2020 me and my babies was homeless going house to house very unwelcome and unwanted getting talked about and trashed even slept in a car no help no support so called family talking down about us 3 among each other behind my back then they end up having a falling out and then start telling what each other said about me and my kids in front of me and my babies that shit was very hurtful all i did was cry only for my two babies to say don´t cry we went to stay with my dad my blood dad it only last two days because i woke up to him touching me sexually saying he feel like i´m hurt and unhappy and he would do whatever it takes to make me happy again and i told him as long as i have them to amazing kids ill always be happy i felt hurt by him doing me like that it messed me up it had me thinking have he did me like this when i was a baby a little girl because why would he try me while i´m a grown ass woman a mother of 2 i covered both my kids body parts mad as hell feeling like he would try them if he just tried me and it was 4 am i texted my sister and told her hurry up and pick us up because i was gone take his life yes my dad i was gone kill him for doing that dirty mess to me my clothes was still on and stuff he was rubbing between my legs on top of my pants while the 3 of us was sleep and i woke up even then he tried to say he was trying to hug me sadly and nasty at 6 am we was gone back to been homeless smh my kids dad making 23 an hour living his best life with his woman without a care in the world about his kids well being i´m their the full time mother and father and i always enjoy it then one day my kids dad called and was trashing me i was crying my baby got on the phone and said you not gone keep talking to my mom like that at the age of 5 i didn't tell him to say it and it shocked me and a few minutes later my grandma came in the house and said your kids dad outside my son started crying my grandma was like let him just talk to him i´m gone be right out there with him so they walks outside my kids dad made it to his car with my son before my grandma could even get off the porch next thing i know i could hear the horn blowing and my grandma being loud i ran outside he had locked my son in the car with him and was hitting my baby in the head with his hand and my son head was hitting the horn all because my baby said don´t talk to his mom like that smh so i called the law and ran outside with a knife ready for war not my son he let my crying baby out the car and took off he told my grandma that he would spit and hit her in the face like he did me so my grandma wanted us to leave she said she was to old for all that and i couldn't blame her but i was beyond hurt we had no where else to go the safe space ended up blessing us with the help of getting our own place thank GOD and i was working doing PCA Nursing everything going good and that so called mother of mines was working at the same job i had to work on Thanksgiving Christmas and all and it was suppose to be special because it was our first Christmas in our own house but we needed the money the 3 of us then one day that so called mother wanted me to work with her after i had just got done doing a 20 hr swift so she could spend time with that same husband who didn't like her kids who didn't want her to let me and my babies stay with her so we wouldn't be homeless when he lives else where but still control her and her house too the same husband she put before us when i said NO she fired me then called the boss a close friend of hers and told her i was fired and the boss went with it when the 89 year patient said i was the best worker she ever had i treated her like a queen i did her feet and all did things i didn't have to do i treated her like she was my great grandma i did everything how she loved it and wanted it trying to make her last years her best years i cried like a baby because i loved my patient so much i needed her like she needed me she was hurt and she still hurt now about it so next thing i know our power goes off the end of January 2021 when i called SS to get help paying it they said they can only help once a year and they had made a payment for me already i was lost and shocked come to find out a family member i trusted used my info and me and my kids names to get her light bill paid smh so they wouldn't help us and by me telling them that a family member used my info and i wanted to have them do something about it that family member was upset and called SS made some hurtful reports so my kids had to stay else where since the power was off and i wasn't no longer working so they was at my so called mother house who i wasn't dealing with because i put her in her place about how she treated us coming up and stuff smh she made everything worst for me i mean very worst now February comes lights still off and now we getting evicted as well so now its more then temporary since the eviction and SS don´t want my kids to be homeless again and neither did i they my everything but its a thing called karma my so called mom did me so wrong and i´ve begged and begged so many people to help us but nothing at all no type of help and support but that so called mom of mines got evicted and got into Friday and i found out yesterday that she was evicted and that my kids were crying because they have to move with their dad its killing me to see them hurt if i can get our rent paid and lights on then us 3 can be together or find somewhere to stay we can be together but i have nobody at all just us 3 its killing me that they hurting we always been together i´ve been the mother and father giving them everything i´ve always went without making sure they have i don´t care if i only had one outfit they will forever have plenty of everything i don´t have to eat as long as they full if i could i would give them the world with everyone still on it i need my babies just like they need me i´m their better half and they my better half they give me life they make my life beyond better since day one i cant live without them nor be without them to see my babies crying not being with me and having to go somewhere they don´t want be there never have never will and he even told the social services he don´t want them that hurts but he don´t have to want them i do and always have wanted them and always will if i had the right family and support and help things would be better but i have nobody but them they have nobody but me and i have nobody but them and GOD i´m dying in the inside and GOD knows that if they not with me i don´t wanna be here people will never know the pain i´m going through their dad toke them on his taxes and all he didn't offer us the right help didn't care at all about helping PERIOD my kids are down and out without me scared crying everyday and i´m not eating nor sleeping before i let them suffer and be hurt ill battle my life away for their happiness i´m their mother and father and i got into FRIDAY before my kids go with where they don´t want to be and where he don´t want them to be i´ve email so many people begging for help with some many tears in my eyes with a broken soul about to get a new job next week but i need help now and as i begged for help i gave them my landlord number i don´t need to touch any money or anything i just need a helping hand for us somebody anybody please please ill do anything GOD knows that i cant take it all we need is help and hope i´m breaking down into pieces without my babies everybody know how much i love my babies they my best friends and all we super close just like its hurting me its hurting them and ain´t nobody trying to help us and i thought their would be more people like me when i was working i was buying food for homeless giving them money and all that´s my type of heart and my babies ill give my last to anybody let people live with us now they got their own place and didn't offer me and my babies a place to stay not even one night before they was taken temporarily smh its killing me i need help ASAP PLEASEEEEEE ain´t nobody perfect but i´m perfect for my kids just like they are beyond perfect for me please somebody help us Thank You

#someone help #the giving pledge #please help #rental assistance #charity #safespace

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swordmaid · 4 years

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Tagged by the lovely @samirant <3

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

a.k.a in which i try to write stuff that i haven’t already ranted about in the tags of the original post

1.it’s always summer in the songs ☀️ | AH YES. this one. the one that i will always bring up whenever i get asked these sort of things. i think i’ve talked about it in the tags but i like this piece even more because all the characters here (brienne, jaime, honor) were actually drawn in detail--as in--i drew everyone separately then joined them altogether--AS IN--the parts that are covered up by another character is actually drawn with its own detailing and all that jazz. this is specifically towards honor who a.) i’ve never drawn before and i had never been confident to draw animals so i actually had to draw a FULL HORSE this time which was daunting and had to size him appropriately b.) the outfit he wears, straps for the saddle, his belts, etc. they all have their own detailing! jaime’s sitting on it, but there’s actually a sash that loops around his back with the symbols of the seven pointed star. i was going to continue over on the front with the same symbols but it got cut out because of the crop. the little tree on the side/foreground originally had more branches and leaves but i just pushed it to the side else wise it would’ve looked awkward. i also designed j/b’s armor while i was working on this, and jaime’s detailing took me a lil while to figure out because i was referencing loosely off like, 5 images lol. brienne’s face angle was hard to get right and it looked awkward in my sketches but i got lucky with it in the end aaand this was also the first time i drew oathkeeper in detail. overall, i put a LOT of details in this one but it just took me a good three days to finish it. i loved it even more because i never felt like i was slogging through it when i was working on it, which is the most important thing haha.

2. might i have this dance, my lady? | this one is particularly special for me since this is when i finalized their overall design i think. i used to always bring up this drawing as a reference when i draw my j/b (but now i use another one hehe.) anyway, this one was actually the starting point for the one i drew above because of the detailing on jaime’s armor--which i just drew freely and doesn’t have any symbolic meaning behind it whatsoever. this was the start of me adding more and more details into my art because i realized that they weren’t too hard to add and i do enjoye drawing them. i also like this one because i drew brienne’s body in detail and i spent the time drawing up silhouettes over it to find the most flattering dress i can fit her in, and i’m happy i struck with this one! oh and it’s subtle but i tried to make their outfits match with the gold detailing on jaime’s armor/the light yellow accents on brienne’s blue dress hehe.

3. i’ve known the warmth of your doorways | my quiet isle riighhhtsssss. i screeched while i was thinking up of the concept of this tbh it hit me good. i particularly LOVE oathkeeper in this one because he looks like an expensive sword here and not like one of those pens with an animal topper. anyway, i love post adwd / post lsh fics so i tried to do a rendition of my own uvu i also love hand kisses---and honessstlyyyyy-- this one is just a mashup of my favorite tropes tbh LOL

4. ICHOR | oh my god a non jb art. i did this one a couple of years ago, and it’s a digital painting of my oc amara !!! i like this one because of how I rendered the hair. some of it reminds me of marble and i love it even to this day--which is particularly rare because i always end up hating my shit a couple on months after. this was the art style i had before, but i just changed it when i started to draw jb because this one was complicated to do + it took too much time, and i wanted to draw a LOT of jb lol (and i don’t think the style fits them as well to be honest)

5. that gym scene in modern aus | back to jb arts!! and AH yes from brienne’s physique, jaime’s slutty crop top, the man bun, mesh leggings, and their dumb rainbow guard and kingsguard designs, this one was incredibly self indulgent and i love everything it implies and represents. fun fact i had to go through so many thirst traps in ig just to draw jaime’s body properly LOL i do my research ok

tagging: @ayofandomthings / @fawnilu / @darcydash 🥰🥰

#long post.#thank you so much for the tag <3 this was fun #and also very sorry for the length LOL i talk too much #i would've added my jb renaissance art series majig but i think ya'll know i already like that one #i just realized i've been drawing AUs these days. do ya'll prefer if i draw canon based jb art or my dumb aus???#or like scenes from the book sort of things #but anyway WHEW someone doesn't ship jb. clearly !!

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shesawriter39049 · 4 years

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|FAMILY TIES| M| MAFIA AU| 5

SMUT/ ANGST

FT- A lil Joon, Seok, and Yoongi

2K SNEAK PEEK….(SHIT’S A LITTLE DARK, BUT ALSO KINDA FLUFFY)

AU SUMMARY: A powerful alliance made up of 4 families spanning over a decade, is suddenly turned on its head when one family has a new leader after an unexpected death. Well, let’s just say he’s not down to follow the somewhat civilized rules your families have enforced. Sooo now, it’s game on…

Yall are all wanna wrap Tae in a blanket after this....

WARNINGS- For the sneak peek just no it’s a little heavy, mentions of death, overdosing, hella emotions, religion is briefly mentioned for all of one sentence! OH there’s also a hint of fluff

AUTHORS NOTE-I've decided part 5 will be done in 2 parts because as I’ve mentioned that’s the bridge chapter before everything kinda hits the fan! There's actually another character death planned for part 6 and yes it’s one of the boys. P1...will be around 8k and P2 will be around 6...I’m separating them because there's a lot of info and I don’t want to overload you all in one and you guys get lost!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ENDING ON PART 4 -

One thing leads to another and you found yourselves talking for a good 40 minutes or so, which wasn’t too surprising…considering all you had to debrief within the past 15 hours! Ultimately deciding to bring Henry back with you on the jet, Tae would start trying to slowly detox Henry while on this 15-hour flight. He’s done it before…he can do it again…

This time all four of you walked into the house…still dark, the stench seeming even stronger now, instantly picking up on the running water in the bathroom.

“Henry!!” Taehyung called out as he walked towards the door “Cho!!” Voice a little louder this time as he banged on the door.

Nothing, the four of you glared over at each other, as Tae pressed his ear to the door. “Henry, man open the fucking door before I beak this bitch down! We don’t have time for this shit!”

Nothing, nothing but the sound of running water rattling against the porcelain tub….

Ramming his shoulder against the door, a low growl ripping from his chest at every blow, after the third time the flimsy piece of wood ripped from the hinges!

The steam from the shower came pouring flooding into the hallway……The handle still in Taehyung’s hand, as it swung backward, feeling jerk back into his hold. Almost as if something was hindering it from fully swinging flush against the wall…That’s when his eyes dropped to the floor…

Part 5......

“HOLY FUCK!” It seemed to be the phrase of choice as it spilled from numerous lips… as you all fanned the smoke out of the room so you could see a little better! Frantically, Yoongi dropped down to his knees first, snatching the needle from Henry's arm tossing it into the tub, not that it mattered you all knew, and the realization was nauseating! This damn sure wasn’t your first dead body, and unfortunately not your first OD either...he was gone..long before you lot even strolled in there. Hoseok's body slumped against the back of the cracked up bathtub, feet crowning the top of Henry's head as he gazed down at him. Eyes and heart heavy, a string of words whispered low under his breath, and it took you a second to realize he was speaking in Korean. Hoseok may have actually even been praying over Henry’s body, I know, I know, in this line of work it may sound comical to some that there are members within the alliance that have some sort of faith...but some do!

Taehyung was dead silent, he didn't have a choice, feeling as though someone had cut off every artery to his heart, completely light-headed and the smoke wasn’t helping. Well aware that if he didn't leave he’d possibly pass out, his body did not understand how to process what he was currently feeling. Everything just fucking hurt...physically hurt, it literally felt like he was the one who just shot up and every vein in his body was on fire! What made it even worse, is Taehyung's eyes accidentally graced Henry’s...and for the first time in months, he looked like Henry. Like the man Tae met four years ago that swore on his life that if they didn't kill him, he would get clean, stay clean...do whatever they needed him to do to show his gratitude. Being able to look at Henry and connect on that level should’ve almost been peaceful for Taehyung. The fact that he could see the innocence in his eyes again, as opposed to all the hurt, pain, and hell just dope! But it wasn't it fucking sucked because there wans’t any “innocence” there was no emotion Henry's dead, he’s actually fucking dead! It’s somewhat haunting to think that Taehyung came here with that on his heart, he came here to do what he did not allow himself to months ago. Yet when all the anger subsided all he could feel was hurt, and even thorough Henry’s cloudy tweaked out haze, he still couldn't do that to him. Yet at the end of the day..his body is STILL laying along the tile, cold, lifeless, to be fair Taehyung, would probably sleep better at night if he was the reason Henry sat lied this floor. The Idea that Lau did this to himself just feels like a ragged blade, continuously kneading at his skin.

The thing that trumped every other emotion, the thing that actually made Tae sick to his stomach, was the fact that he wasn’t even aware if Henry knew why this hurt so much! If he truly knew how much he meant to Taehyung, how rare it is for him to care about some enough to spare there life not only once..but twice!

He should be angry yet all he feels is fucking guilt, yeah, he’s the one that feels guilty right now, and all he wants to do is break every single thing around him!

Clearly, he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, he keeps his feelings to himself because he worries everyone's going to despair. Yet he never told one of his friends how much he meant to him and he’s gone anyway so what the fucks the point!? Why has he been working so hard to guard every centimeter of his heart if, in reality, everyone has the same ending regardless!? Wordlessly Tae stumbled his way out of the bathroom..everything about it just felt suffocating!

Your eyes were burning to the tenth degree as you tried your damndest not to cry, yeah you’d seen a shit ton of dead bodies, caused more than you could count...But when it’s someone from within the “Family” no matter how the scenario pans out shit just hits different. Reallll different..not even realizing you’d crouched down next to Namjoon..who had his arms tightly wound around your waist, both cursing and grieving for Henry all at the same time.

“Guys he’s...” Croaked from his throat and with a slow almost disgusted shake of the head Yoongi cut himself off mid-sentence, there was no need to say it out loud at this point. Leaning down to gently brush the pads of his overs over Henry's lids so they could actually close...maybe have him look like he was peacefully sleeping!

“GODDAMMIT LAU!!” Ripped through Mazda’s chest and felt as though it echoed throughout the entire house as he slammed is fist into the glass mirror. No one even budged upon hearing it start to shatter, your entire body tensed at the impact. Almost as if you were the one who did it yourself, probably because you really fucking wanted too as you subconsciously dug your own nails into your thigh. Mazda was relatively quiet, always smiling and cracking jokes...much like Taehyung he was never one to yell, seeing him like this was a rarity and it broke your heart.

Chest heaving painfully hard as he plopped down on the floor, bloop dripping onto his jeans as he sat cramped in the tiny corner, the space far too small to hold all of you. His anger was communivate, that release of pain, aggression, brokenness, it wasn’t for him. It was for his boss, best friend, the man he’s protected since they were in high school …..the man he knew was hurting whether he chose to show it or not!

That’s when it hit you that he wasn’t in the room, his silence was almost stiffening at this point as you broke away from Namjoon and scrambled off the floor. “Tae!!?” There weren't many places he could be in his box of a house, still trying to be cautious as you maneuvered through the many bags of trash, pieces of glass,and discarded needles. The lack of response had your heart pounding into your throat at this point “Tae!!?? Taehyung!!?” The sense of panic within your voice was more than evident..you hated when he went into shut down mode like this, it scared the living hell out of you!

The minute your feet landed on the porch and the crisp air hit your nose you almost felt as though you wanted to throw up for some reason. It suddenly hit you how light-headed you were, resting your weight against the deteriorated wood beam. Every inch of your body just felt hot and sticky, it was almost like you could feel Henry on your skin right now, and you just wanted to claw it all off. Suddenly your body just felt almost foreign to you, as if it wasn’t even yours, your first instinct was shoving off your coat! Literally tossing the piece of colored fur into the nearest bush, hoping that would give you some relief, it was probably 20 degrees outside yet you were damn near sweating! Shaky legs wobbled down the steps...slowly moving to the side of the house, “Tae!?” Silence, and you really hate silence.. “Fuckkkkk '' Hastily running your fingers through your hair, tugging slightly against your scalp..wanting the tension as you tried to wreck your brain!

I mean he could only be so many places and now you were nervous because he’s impulsive and hot-headed and he’d be the type to just take off and walk with no clue where the hell; he was going!

Suddenly you had an idea, something you actually learned from his mother back when you guys were younger and he’d go into shut down mode like this! You slowly started walking towards the back of the house “ Tae-hyung ” This time it was softer as you put emphasise on the proper pronunciation of his name. Then you asked him where he was, and if he was okay, all in the same soft tenor. Only this time you found yourself oh so thankful that you’d picked up the language over the years!

Opting for Korean since that is technically the first language he’s ever known so sometimes even when he’s not thinking he’ll respond on autopilot! Then,just as you were about to give up, he responded. Tentatively..and slightly hushed, it was clear he was further away than you thought… randomly you started asking him stuff. Nothing intense just random little questions so you could follow the sound of his voice and this man was damn near in the alleyway!

Sitting in a low squat, you could already see even from a couple feet away that apparently his fist had ran into someone again. His long delicate hands were currently a bouquet of blue, red and purple. As he sat there wordlessly clenching his fist as hard as he could..wanting to amplify the pain that streamed through his veins. Aimlessly gazing straight ahead, as the wind swept through his hair, he actually looked extremely peaceful, almost like you were watching a piece of art.

You didn't say anything as you approached him, just crouching down beside him, yet to your surprise, he actually made eye contact and fuck you wish he hadn't. You couldn't even read the expression that danced with those dark brown orbs of his...everything was just black! And what wasn’t was, completely bloodshot. Cheeks clearly tear-stained, nose red..yet he just looked empty, not sad, hurt, angry..just empty!

Reaching up to tentatively stroke his cheek, his hand reaching yours before you could even make contract, not that you were surprised, those Kim reflexes are something else! What did have you surprised was how hard his hand was shaking once it met yours. Attempting to pull away, assuming he didn't want to be touched right now, only he tightened his grip once he felt your resistance. “Tae I-”

“I love you…”

HI, HI lol I know...I know….as I said this will be in 2 parts..I wanna actually finish the full thing before I post it though so that way I can post P2 a week or 2 later! But who knows..I have P1 more than halfway done I may just post that first and have Part 2 come when it comes...if you guys enjoyed and are excited show this some love and come lemme know! I’m Tech on hiatus until sometimes in January but we shall see....

LOVE YOU GUYS AS ALWAYS,

ROCKI

#taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung mafia au #kim taehyung #kim taehyung smut #kim taehyung mafia au #bts #bts smut #bts au #bts mafia au #kpop #kpop smut #kpop mafia au #taehyung au

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honeyhenry · 4 years

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A Saga of Sweaters

inspired of course by the incredible knitted sweater chris wears in Knives Out! However this is still a Chris fic, not a Ransom one (as I have yet to see the movie!)

word count: 1.5k+

warnings: a lot of fluff, smut if you squint/nsfw descriptives

enjoy!

the first instance in which you met, was just after Christmastime. it was in the new year where the coldest January on record meant that his thick knitted sweaters were a staple piece of your outings together, once if not twice a week

a new year, a new start with a new love for one man who made you smile for so many reasons

he wore The Sweater, now your favourite, for your first official date

a thick fisherman’s sweater knitted and twisted into various complex patterns that gave it its own character, and matched every expensive coat he had in his wardrobe

it’s a statement piece of his and you wondered, if things were to go further, that one day you’d get to pull it over your own head and wear it yourself. it looked so damn cosy.

he soon became the cosiest, warmest person in your life, giving you that feeling from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, capturing your heart and filling it with joy

if you ever decided to put fashion over common sense in the cold weather, forgoing a proper jacket for the chance to look your best for him, he’d sigh and roll his eyes while grinning at how ridiculous you were

“you know, we’re on the sixth date. you don’t have to freeze to death to keep me around”

he’d give you his coat, insisting that his sweater keeps him warm enough

and after a couple more dates, the sweater ends up on the floor, as he takes you to bed, finding a much better way to warm you up

and you’d get your secret wish finally, as you wear the sweater the following morning, with some soft pyjama shorts

he really likes the sight of you wearing his huge thick sweater, Dodger in your lap as you read a copy of a book he had on his nightstand

it smells of him which you adore

you catch him staring at you from the bathroom and you don’t even look up from the words on the page that you're reading, nor pause stroking Dodger’s fur to say;

“i hope you know you're not getting this back”

“it’s okay” he’d replied “i dont mind the sweater stealing, i love whats underneath”

making you giggle when he rushes to you, his hands reaching to crawl up the inside of the sweater where you’re wearing nothing underneath

he makes plans to buy you one for yourself but it’s no secret that you only love the sweater because it reminds you of him

he wears a different sweater when you go to meet his family

he’s not about to wear a sweater that you’ve recently been wearing along with nothing else

seeing that sweater can now really get him going just thinking about you in it. it makes him twitch with want for you.

his family adore you, admiring how happy chris is with you, and how cosy and coupley you are, connected and drawn to each other somewhat magnetically

you know that those perceptions are true, however the ‘coupley’ vibes had only been enhanced by chris’ absolute need to bone you the moment you get back to his place

Christmas would come around again, bringing even more sweaters that you realise that he only keeps for the festive season

it inspires you to buy him one that lights up with the press of a button

its cheesy and he loves it, and wears it for the entirety of Christmas day

it’s hard to ignore, but somehow you manage to when he drags your attention away only to ask if you’ll move in with him

you say yes and it’s definitely too hot in the bedroom to be wearing anything that evening

you move in, halving the amount of space chris has for his clothes, but he installs a closet elsewhere in the house, fit for all his winter wear

as the year bleeds from cold, dark nights, to a warmer spring, then to a humid summer, the sweaters stay put in the drawers and closets

however, nestled between the bottom two rows of sweaters in Chris’ drawer, is an velvet box he’s waiting to give you at just the right time

the right time comes when he finds you at home, dancing to the radio in one of his sweaters and a pair of shorts, making dinner

finally it’s cold enough to wear warmer items of clothing and he loves that its already that time of year again

he also panics slightly because the sweater you're wearing was kept only one or two inches from where the silver engagement ring lay in his drawer

and he realises, whats the point of waiting anyway? he wants you dancing in the kitchen in his clothes while playing with Dodger and making the dinner, forever

and so he waits until after dinner, after all the washing up is done and you finally sit down on the sofa ready to relax with him

that’s when he does it

you’re so shocked but ridiculously overwhelmed with happiness that you cry out your “yes!” and he’s placing the ring on your finger as you press kisses to his face

“i’m sorry it wasn’t fancier-”

“it’s perfect”

the ring glints as you hold up your hand, pulling up the sleeves of the sweater you’re wearing to take a proper look

takes a picture of it and sends it to family with “congratulations” following

and an extra message from Scott: “so she’s still adamant on wearing your clothes huh”

you have your wedding and then honeymoon, and for the latter you wear practically nothing - truly not missing the sweaters in the hot weather that begs for nudity, sweet cocktails, sea-swept hair, and sex on the balcony

you spend 3 weeks there before flying back and spending autumn and winter in Boston

as newly weds, you have matching rings now, shiny and beautiful and it distracts you so much at one point that you spill coffee all over the sweater of his you're wearing

he calls you a teasing name and all you can reply is “well you married me!”

the sweaters make their return soon enough, and it’s first year of your soon to be traditional Christmas card, nearly 3 years since you first met

you, him and Dodger wear matching sweaters so you can send out a cheesy christmas card ‘with love from, The Evans Family”

it’s taken in your apartment and Dodger has to be bribed with treats for a good picture to be taken of the three of you

you’ve never been happier, your smiles so genuine and warm

a year later and not much has changed except the location of your home

you’ve bought a bigger house in Boston, with a lovely porch and 5 bedrooms to fill

so the second year of your Christmas card picture tradition, you all sit on the gorgeous Christmassy decorated staircase

(Dodger still needs a couple of treats before cooperating)

you take the picture 3 weeks before christmas

it just so happens that it’s 3 weeks later is when you tell Chris that there was actually a fourth person in the picture, a new addition to “The Evans Family” underneath your sweater

you present him with a tiny matching sweater “we’ll have someone around to wear this for next year”

“babe if this is you telling me we should get another dog-”

“it’s not for a dog”

he pauses and looks at you, his eyes full of hope but still slightly doubting

“don’t...really?”

he’s scared to assume but you finally show him little sonogram pictures

“they’ll be 4 or 5 months old next Christmas”

he kisses you so softly and passionately by the Christmas tree, his hands on your hips, smiling into your lips as you brush away his tears, and then your own

after that, you wearing his sweaters means even more

keeping Baby Evans as your little secret while going out in public, is the most important thing for you, and so to hide any hint, you wear his sweaters

it’s his favourite thing in the world - to see you grow his baby, while you wear his sweaters even in the springtime

they can hide a tiny swell in January, but are unable to cover the bump as you hit 5 months in April

“Hi meatball” he’d smooth his hand over the sweet swell that he’s so drawn to

he puts his hands up inside the sweater, making you giggle

“i told you before,” you murmur “you won’t be getting this back”

“and as i said, i dont mind the sweater stealing, i love whats underneath”

you can bet that next Christmas, he’s got Baby Evans on his lap, wearing their own little Christmas sweater, with drool all over it and the sleeves rolled up twice so you can see their tiny hands

Chris’ hands take up their whole tummy, and Baby gives a little lopsided smile that everyone receiving of a card coos at

(Chris can definitely claim that the smile was gas)

and it had all started with the hope that one day you’d get to be in his life to try on his fisherman sweater

now, you’ve gained a lot more from Chris - love, and warm morning cuddles, safety, and a family

sweater weather would forever be the sweetest time of the year

TAGLIST:

@katiew1973 @thevelvetseries

MASTERLIST / FEEDBACK

#chris evans x reader #chris evans writing #chris evans fluff #chris evans #ce #my writing

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snkpolls · 4 years

Text

SnK Chapter 125 Poll Results

The chapter 125 poll closed with 1,469 responses. Thank you for your support! This month’s poll results were compiled by /u/alooulla, /u/_Puppet_, @shifter-lines and @momtaku.

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,387 RESPONSES

While still overwhelmingly positive, and slightly improved over Chapter 124, the “wow” factor still wasn’t there for many. Those selecting a perfect five was less than half of respondents (49.3%).

Transitions were unbelievably good, hardly noticed we were at 5 different scenes this chapter.

Not really hype like some chapters have been, but it was wonderful to see all the character and story development.

Created a number of different plot threads, but was not as satisfying as recent chapters

Everyone in this chapter (except Flock) deserves love

Good chapter, juggles lots of POVs excellently and opens up multiple opportunities for where the story may go. I love how desperate everything is.

Beats gonna drop soon

Jean honey if you push Floch out the hole in the wall everyone will swear it was an accident

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,421 RESPONSES

They only appeared on two pages, but “Levi and Hange are back” was the top pick out of a long list of options with nearly one-third (27.7%) selecting them. “Armin and Mikasa’s argument” secured second (14.3%) and “Annie and Hitch together” (12.6%) round out the top three.

LEVI AND HANGE ARE BACK! OMG!!!

I loved Annie's backstory, the conversation between Floch and Jean, the talk between AM, Shadis, mr Leonhart, literally everything.

I loved hearing Annie and Hitch talk, and the Levi and Hange situation finally got addressed :)

I'm so happy to see Levi and Hange, and so happy that they've run into Pieck and Magath. I hope they can reach some kind of truce and work together.

Floch is the Queen of Paradis confirmed.

Shadis once again made this chapter for me. What a great, deep speech. He is a true hero.♡

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER'S MVP? 1,416 RESPONSES

While denied the favorite moment, Annie was the favorite for chapter MVP with more than one-quarter of respondent (26.6%). Hitch, the other half of the girl power duo, made a strong showing (19.6%) for number two. Most shocking perhaps is that Hange (13.6%) squeaked out a narrow victory over Floch (12.6%) for third.

Annie is the best girl

Floch did nothing wrong

Hitch nipping at Historia's best girl-crown

HAAAAAAAAANGE

ANNIEEEEE A AAAAA AA A AA A A A A A A MY GIRL

Floch is such a crazy piece of shit, I love him, he's a great villain and I'm glad that Isayama added a character like that to the story. Also, funny with how he represents the rabid Eren stans, parroting the bs they keep saying ("we're free now reeeeeee").

S H A D I S T H E C H A D I S

Hange my queen how the hell did you save Levi, I wanna know!!

Hitch yeeting Annie made me scream, I love them together so much.

My babes Shadis and Magath are BACK!! 😍

So happy to see Hitch back. She is such a fun character and so underrated!

THE CHAPTER OPENS WITH RESIDENTS OF STOHESS REACTING BOTH POSITIVELY AND NEGATIVELY TO EREN’S ACTIONS. WHICH EXPRESSION OF THE CROWD ARE YOU MOST SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS? 1,416 RESPONSES

The citizens of the walls are as divided as the fanbase over Eren’s actions. 36.7% are on the side that says the Eldians on the island would all be dead without Eren, while 34% respond with the fact that he’s responsible for many of their deaths himself. 25.1% don’t want to side with either faction.

“You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs”

Both are right and wrong at the same time…

Both sides are ignorant as to what is actually happening so it is difficult to gauge who actually feels what they do considering their limited knowledge but I'm edging towards the justification of it.

Eren has planned this all along, he knows there will be no true peace by doing the rumbling and has some kind of third goal

Even if the first expression is true (and no one can say if it is or not for sure) it doesn't make the belligerents right, or mean that Eren shouldn't be held accountable for his actions

Both sides are justified. Both sides reacted according to their personal views in response to an outside force they had no control of.

I sympathize with both. One on hand, it seems as though the wall titans were the only effective retaliation the island had left, but on the other hand, Eren did kill many of his own people and aiming to wipe out the rest of the world is definitely pretty extreme for even Eren. That's why I think there's still a HUGE part of his plan that we haven't been made aware of yet.

There's no real right answer here. Obviously genocide is bad and no one can deny the fact that Eren killed his own people but, what other options were available in the limited time they had?

Whatever your thoughts on The Rumbling, Eren is being extremely reckless and it's going to backfire like crazy. Member when Erwin pulled off an almost-bloodless coup? I have a feeling Ereh is too preoccupied with thoughts of PATHS and FREEDOM to really consider the consequences of stuff like civilian casualties or letting a fascist cult take over the government.

What the tic tac patty wack snick snack quarterback big mac heart attack race track double back guy named jack did he just do?

Sasageyo

ANNIE BACKSTORY! WHAT DID YOU THINK? 1,420 RESPONSES

Annie’s finally back! And she sure got a lot of page time, finally getting her chance to speak her story. The majority thought seems to be that it was okay, at 60.3%, whereas 33.2% absolutely loved it, and 6.5% thought it was a waste of time.

Develops her character a bit but otherwise not too important

we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own? Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis?

I'm just glad Annie's back

I really liked it and especially the Annie focus although I expected more from her justifications.

Don't care for her this late in the story tbh it's just a waste of pages

this chapter confirmed that Annie is the best character of SNK !

It was pretty much exactly what I expected, fairly boring and didn’t change my perception of her character at all

This puts so much context on the murders she committed back in the female titan arc and her personality in general. This is so great! Waited forever for this

I especially liked learning Annie's entire backstory, and her interactions with Hitch in this chapter were great.

Lil' Orphan Annie deserves more spinoffs. We need one about her awkward preteen years trying to fit in with the popular girls while continuously kicking them in half by accident.

MY GIRL ANNIE DESERVES MORE.

AFTER CONSIDERING HER STORY, WHICH THOUGHT MOST CLOSELY MATCHES YOUR OWN? 1,410 RESPONSES

There sure was a lot to consider in all Annie said, and the two primary thoughts seem to be a feeling of tragedy that she never felt that anything mattered, and a hope that she’ll see her father again, at 23.7% and 22.6% respectively.

Can't forget what she has caused, but glad she found meaning in life.

I hope she can find peace

I understand her reasoning, but her saying she'd do it all again hurt a lot.

Interesting plot point, but was it really necessary? Kinda felt like forced drama to add this "adoptive child" thing.

Is it wrong to wish for her happiness?

It may mirror Eren's motives. To her, nothing else matters except returning to her father, not even other people's lives. If Eren is intent on protecting his friends, then other lives wouldnt even matter.

It's interesting how seems similar she is to Reiner but how different they actually are. Annie is nihilistic and realistic because the lack of love, Reiner is idealistic and longing for love in a tragic way because he fantasize the love which doesn't exist

Annie has always been, in my opinion at least, one of the most honest characters, and I'm glad we can see that her core hasn't changed (but I’m so happy we can hear her talk and that we are finally getting some character development). Unlike Reiner and Bertolt, Annie never pretended to be friends with the Shinganshina trio, she never acted more nicely than she felt she should. She kept to herself and did what she knew she had to do. But this does not make Annie cold or resilient to atrocities; when she was manipulated by Reiner to take off Marco’s 3D maneuver gear, we can see she doesn’t do it easily and she does show remorse, in spite of everything. All of the SnK characters are tragic, some more than others, and for me, Annie is probably one of the most tragic ones. Adopted, trained to become a killing machine, completely alone with no one to really rely on once she joined the army, Annie goes towards her goal, stripping every bit of romanticism from the notions of peace, good vs bad governments, Marley, Eldia, humanity, etc. Annie does not fight, or pretend to fight, for the greater good; as perceptive as always, she sees the situation for what it is, just like she sees people for who they really are. I hope this brave young woman gets a happy ending with her dad.

DO YOU FIND IT REASONABLE THAT ANNIE HAS BEEN SEMI-CONSCIOUS IN THE CRYSTAL ALL THIS TIME 1,411 RESPONSES

Hitch sure was surprised that Annie had actually been listening to her all that time, but the fandom wasn’t. 86.3% found it reasonable, but 10.7% still aren’t convinced it makes sense.

Considering we had Ms. Tyber being aware of her surroundings in her own crystal, looking back on that it's like "oh yeah that seems legit". Granted I'm sure Ms. Tyber had practiced the technic to use it in battle proficiently. But it doesn't seem too out there for Annie to be at least semi-conscious

Honestly no. But this story has people transforming into giant monsters so I can't really complain.

I find hard to believe she is not crazy. Being unable to move in darkness for 4 years with only voices to keep her company is pretty brutal.

I'm wondering how her body condition is near to normal.

It reminds me of ymir being a mindless titan for 60 years

Wall titans also seemed to be semi conscious if I remember the original scene with eye movement and fear of light energizing them.

P A T H S

ANNIE WAS COVERED WITH SOME SORT OF FLUID THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE EVAPORATING. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? 1,408 RESPONSES

We ended last chapter on Annie in a pool of this liquid, and this time we see Hitch follow it to where Annie is. But… what is it? 66.2% think it has something to do with the crystal’s hardening, 15.2% DO NOT want that knowledge, and 11.6% think it’s a human bodily fluid.

A fluid to keep her alive (something like the lcl in evangelion)

Amniotic fluid is the warm, fluid cushion that protects and supports your baby as they grow in the womb.

a liquid that makes her body hibernate so she can stay alive

I think it's a weakened form of the hardening. Perhaps it was also this fluid around the creature in the well from Ymir's backstory.

If I recall correctly, some crystals do have water in the form of “hydrates” so in theory, the fluid in Annie’s crystal is what kept her alive by supplying nutrients and and water to her body. Because of this, the fluid may have possibly come from Annie’s Titan as it formed the crystal around her.

amniotic fluid - some unique property of the Female Titan

Tears of readers who waited too fucking long for Annie to break through

Armin juice

WHERE DO YOU THINK HITCH AND ANNIE ARE HEADING? 1,408 RESPONSES

So many groups in so many places! Where is this one going to end up? A little over half, at 55.9% think they’ll run into another group before they get to a specific destination, about a quarter at 23.4% think Shiganshina, and 19.2% think the port.

Following the Colossal Titans

Honestly it was very reckless of hitch to let Annie go. If she causes more trouble for Paradis then what will she do

Based on them leaving Stohess in the same direction as the colossal titans it is likely they will pass through Trost. They will continue south towards Shiganshina and maybe the port but on the way they will likely run into Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath, or Connie, Falco, Armin and Gabi.

Kiyomi's plane

Marley, to Annie’s father

To Historia

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE STATE OF THE ELDIANS IN LIBERIO? 1,399 RESPONSES

We jump across the ocean, only to find Mr. Leonhart starting a rebellion in Liberio! About half feel there’s going to be an absolute bloodbath, 32% are glad they’re finally rising up, 11% are focused on Mr. Leonhart being a badass, and 6.1% are scratching their heads as to how this is relevant.

I feel it's setting up for eldians in all internment zones rising up, although i don't know what significance that would hold if they're gonna be flattened like pancakes anyway

I'm actually glad because while I have still and always despised the Warriors, Annie's dad felt relatable to me, good to see non-powered, regular citizens rise up against the enemy

Isayama stop trying to be clever with names is there a single part of this series you haven't put thought into?

It is rather unsettling to see since it all seems to head towards a massacre although the reactions of the Eldians are understandable and sound.

It makes sense why they'd rise up: they know what's coming, and they just want to get to safety. After all, they should be spared from the Rumbling because of their race. As expected of the Marleyans though, they won't listen to the Liberio Eldians' current plea, and it will surely cost them (the Marleyans).

The Marleyans are comically dumb it's not even funny; I mean why would they orchestrate a revolt now

This was Eren's plan all along, he wants Eldians everywhere to rebel under the threat of the wall titans.

Why should we care about what happens to anyone outside the Walls? This scene was totally unnecessary.

Worldwide Eldian Rebellion I am excited

I'm worried about them! :(

WILL MR. LEONHART SURVIVED THE SCUFFLE WITH THE GATE GUARD? 1,408 RESPONSES

A somewhat interesting split here; though most responders think there’s more to come with Annie’s father and being killed by the gate guard wouldn’t be the right way for him to go, especially with unfinished business with his daughter. The next highest response was ‘I am not sure’ followed by ‘No he won’t survive’ with a still respectable 24.7% of the vote. One to keep an eye on, here.

Weird that she wants to return home so much just because her dad was nice to her for a few minutes (he's been torturing her all her life).

It had some very much needed character development for A LOT of characters. I can't wait to see how certain plot points like Connie's mom and Annie's wish to see her dad will be resolved.

I saw some parallels between Mr. Leonhard vs. the guards and volunteers vs. Floch. Anarchy reigns; power struggles everywhere, yay! I want to see Mr. Leonhart leading a rebellion. I want to see Eldians all over the globe rising up and busting out of internment zones. Also - we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own? Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis? Will it even matter if Ymir is freed from her sand slavery and refuses to transform any more titans? Still -- it's interesting that Annie was adopted, and I have to wonder if her lineage is important. Final thought: I'm growing tired of Isayama sidelining people by having them unconscious/uncommunicative. I get why he may want to render some characters unable to affect the plot at certain points but 'unconscious' is his go-to and I'm losing patience with it. Okay, Historia got stuck with 'pregnant' but I lost patience with that ages ago. Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Speaking of Mr. Leonhart, he may be crippled and defeseless against the Marleyan guards, but at least he wasn't swayed by fatalism against his current government unlike Jean/Armin.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF KEITH’S ADVICE TO THE TRAINING CORPS MEMBERS? 1,394 RESPONSES

Instructor Shadis is still instructing, and 46.1% of you are still chanting SHADIS THE CHADIS. 23.5% loved his advice, 16.5% enjoyed the callback to being a bystander, and 12.1% wish he’d encouraged them to rise up.

Foreshadowing that they‘ll overthrow Eren and Floche.

He gives up too easily. I don't like this.

I'm glad he told them not to fight the Yeagerists but for the wrong reasons

Shadis doesn't want them to risk their lives, understandable, but giving Floch&Co time to gain even more power is not a good idea.

He's being smart and cautious because they've had enough losses for now

By far the best piece of advice he could have given them. Not is it only the most reasonable thing to do in the current situation, but it also goes to show how much Shadis values life and how well, thanks to his experience, he can see what the future might bring. When he thought fighting was a viable option, he wanted the trainees and soldiers alike to dedicate their hearts (and he dedicated his own as well), but now when he sees that they’re clearly getting overpowered and that any form of resistance would inevitably lead to death, he advises them to stay put, but not lose sight of themselves. That’s what a good leader/ elder/ parent does. Despite the fact that he failed as commander and that he was usually the only one to come back from his missions outside the walls, he shows that he has learned a lot and can strategize and draw the right moves. And it even reminded me of Levi, this desire to not waste lives. And Shadis is special, I just wish he’d realize that along with many others. Unfortunately, a very underrated character.

I am hyped to see these characters actually amount to something because of chadis!

A giant death flag.

WAS ARMIN IN THE RIGHT TO RAISE HIS VOICE AT MIKASA? 1,402 RESPONSES

Armin has returned to being shell-shocked like he was in Shiganshina, and he took it out on Mikasa, but was he justified? Just over half don’t think he was justified, but don’t blame him for snapping. 23.9% believe it was the right choice to try to make her more independent. The last two options are tied at 10.3%, saying he was completely in the wrong, and the other saying he was justified in that Mikasa needs to focus on more than Eren.

Armin has been the one others rely for guidance, however at this point he seems stressed and probably over thinking (when he refers back to Erwin).

Armin just reached his breaking point. So much has happened in one day, and he needed to rant.

Asking ANYONE to stop thinking about Eren right now is pointless, let alone Mikasa. He was wrong, but stressed out.

Both. She needs to be encouraged to make her own decisions, but he didn't need to be mean about it. She has always been nice to him.

Feel like many are misunderstanding mikasa's comment about eren. He is the biggest concern so why shouldn't she mention him? Personally I don't think she was still in eren obsessed mode.

That's a complex question. Everyone is stressed right now, especially Armin, feeling guilty for being brought back and feels so much weight on his shoulder to be a leader so to say. So it reasonable for him to yell and it might spark something in Mikasa as well.

Armin needs a nap, a warm bath, and a foot rub.

WILL MIKASA START ‘THINKING FOR HERSELF’ NOW, AS ARMIN SUGGESTED? 1,395 RESPONSES

Mikasa’s character development is being pushed to its tipping point now, will Armin’s words make her start thinking for herself? The majority, at 56.3% think that leadership isn’t her style, but she’ll step up and support what she feels is right. 18.6% feel that she’s already made the step into thinking for herself, and the last two options are split at 11.3% between a full ‘yes she’ll finally step up’, and a full ‘she’s always thought for herself.’

Armin: think for yourself! Mikasa: Where is my scarf?

Hopefully, I want to see more independence. Assertive and confident in her actions.

I don't know if she'll able to think for herself. maybe she will do something, but I guess whatever she will do on her own, I don't want to expect much from her. Anyway I have the feeling that Mikasa's own decision could be that she accepts Kiyomi's offer and leaves Paradis because the whole situation is obviously killing her.

I hope Isayama has something special planned for Mikasa's development

Mikasa has always thought for herself. She’s never been a leader, but she’s always followed her own hearts desires. Nobody knows what to do and for once it was actually reasonable for her to ask about eren, given what he’s about to do to the world.

Mikasa isn't wrong to look to Armin for leadership, but when she brings up the elephant in the room, he flies off the handle at her. But ultimately, I think that Armin is right. She'll have to make decisions based off her own judgement and I'm excited for it.

I kinda doubt that. She went to Jean, because Armin told her so and I don't think that she would do anything in the situation between Jean, Floch and the Volunteers. If she would be able someday to make her own decision, I'll think that could be to do with Kiyomi's offer to go on one of her ships, but we will see.

I think she will be an impromptu leader, similarly to what she did at Trost after eren got eaten by the santa titan

Mikasa did nothing wrong, she tried to take advice instead to run somewhere else like Connie or give up like Jean.

Yes she’ll become more independent. I think itll lead to “see u later eren”

AT THIS POINT, ARMIN STILL THINKS ERWIN WAS A BETTER CHOICE TO REVIVE. DO YOU? 1,391 RESPONSES

The question of whether Armin or Erwin should have been revived in Shiganshina proves to be one of the most contentious issues in the series, nearly on par with when we asked you guys what you think of Eren’s (stated) plan. 52.2% of you are Team Erwin, and 47.8% are Team Armin. Regrettably, I can’t make a good joke out of either of those numbers.

I've said it before, but I think Armin was the best person to revive from a story telling point of view. Erwin was the better leader, no doubts there, but it is the lack of him that has pushed all these other characters to develop more. I believe the relationships between characters and the characters themselves would've remained more static if he had still been there. So therefore, Armin was the right choice

Erwin wouldn't have let any of this happen

WHO TOOK THE SCARF? 1,403 RESPONSES

There could only ever be one winner of this question; given the girls fandom of Eren in general and Mikasa in particular, 72.5% of you picked Louise as the scarf thief, particularly since she knew it was there and gave it a look after Mikasa left. The next highest answer was Eren having sent someone to retrieve it, at 13.8%, followed by ‘someone else at 9.1%, with Floch and Jean respectively taking up other minor answers. I look forward to the questions in the future of why the scarf was taken, and how will it affect the story?

Oh, and Louise definitely has the scarf. I think there will be a confrontation over it and Mikasa will Realise Things, so that's cool.

Louise totally stole that scarf.

WHICH NAME IS BETTER? 1,395 RESPONSES

808 of 1,395 of you came out to represent Gabi Gang, while the remaining 587 of you like Mia better. Mia Myriad? Eh. Mia Myriad’s weird. I like Gabi Gang better.

WHAT'S UP WITH JEAN WHEN FLOCH IS TALKING TO HIM? 1,399 RESPONSES

Floch tells Jean he can finally have the life he always wanted, what was Jean feeling at that moment? 40.5% think he was just totally shell-shocked, 30.4% think he;s faking weakness for a plan, 16.4% think he had an epiphany about Eren based on what Floch said, and 10.7% believe him to be considering what Floch has to say.

Definitely debating whether or not to kick his head in-- once he's decided I think he'll pounce

he has been asking over and over for how long they would have to keep fighting. So Floch telling him is over has a great effect on him. Although he will chose to keep fighting.

He is bothered that the Yeagerists consider him a “hero”

He is in disbelief over how AWFUL Floch is and once his brain processes it he will snap and punch the bastard in the face

He's both in shell shock and trying to fake weakness.

I think he's coming up with some sort of plan to finally rid the world of Floch.

Jean looks so tired in these panels, as in physically tired and mentally. He probably wants this all to be over, and Floch is giving him a way out. But Jean has come too far to give up, I think, so I hope he turns his brain back on.

ARE THE ROCKS THAT GO MISSING WHEN FLOCH TURNS HIS HEAD AN ARTISTIC OVERSIGHT OR DOES IT HAVE FUTURE SIGNIFICANCE? 1,406 RESPONSES

THE ROCKS ARE GONE. About half of the fandom, at 46.2% are pretty sure Jean pocketed them to use as a weapon. 29.7% did not notice the disappearance, and 24.2% think it’s just Isayama overlooking an inconsistency.

Bitch boutta throw some rocks

I hope Jean can something do too otherwise the Volunteers would get forced to fight for Eren and to help him destroying their own motherlands (oof) or get killed. I hope the theory about the pocket rocks get relevant and true in the next chapters

Floch be a bitch with a nest boutta get moulded by rocks

Getting ready to bash floch

there was a gun next to him and then it was gone. The boy boutta blooooow

FLOCH CLAIMS THAT EREN TOLD HIM THE ENTIRE PLAN. IS HE TELLING THE TRUTH? 1,399 RESPONSES

Eren doesn’t seem to have confided his plan in anyone, but Floch says otherwise. 60% confess Eren likely told him a fair bit, but not everything, 32.9% think Floch’s just BSing his way through things to look better, and 5.6% truly believe Eren told Floch everything.

Eren is the only one who knows his true plan, anyone that claims to know what Eren is doing was just a pawn that Eren used.

Eren probably forgot who Floch even is

Considering how Eren is acting now, I fear he did tell him everything after seeing his extremism.

Floch believes Eren told him everything, but he probably didn't.

floch is an arrogant bitch who thinks eren and him are best buds

I mean, the plan so far seems to be 'let's retrieve Zeke, overthrow the government and unleash the Rumbling', so why won't he tell Floch all of it? He seems to be fully on board. If there is more to the plan, then Floch doesn't know it.

I'm still not sure how much of Eren's betrayal of Zeke he was in on, but I'm damn sure Eren didn't task him with any 'removing internal resentment' job.

Jean knows he has more of Eren's trust than Floch does. From this, Jean figured out either Floch is lying for his own gains, or is being used by Eren.

Floch is just a dumbass and Eren is using him to get the necessary pieces into place without him doing it all himself

Something tells me Floch actually just overheard Yelena talking with Eren about Zeke's plan during the railway opening ceremony. I could've sworn that in the chapter Floch mentioned that he "heard" Eren's plan, and the way he uses that word gives me the impression he only listened to parts of what Yelena told Eren without knowing what Eren's ulterior motive was when learning Zeke's plan.

That’s certainly what he *thinks*

Eren is manipulating Floch's ass six ways to sunday and I'm here for it

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE THE ONE TO TAKE DOWN FLOCH? 1,398 RESPONSES

From previous polls, Floch seems like a popular choice to die next, but who would do it? Nearly ¾ of that fandom believe Jean will end him, though 6.5% don’t believe Floch’s dying anytime soon. Eren, Mikasa, Shadis, and Yelena were other popular options.

Could be anyone at this point, really. Would be cool if it was just some random volunteer and the death would be meaningless.

Better not be anyone, Floch is making way more sense than Armin

Armin

I hope no one does, he's the most entertaining character at the moment

I really hope all of the above and I hope it'll be a gruesome death.

King Floch is the father and will outlive the rest of the 104th.

Let him be squashed under a Titan foot, pls

Nobody, Floch will be the only survivor of the rumbling

HISTORIA! QUEEN!!!! How is the rightful ruler of Eldia not a choice here?!

I hope he doesn't die at least next chapter, because him dying is too predictable. But if he does it should be Jean.

I HOPE IT'S EITHER LEVI OR HANGE. But I think it's probably going to be Jean.

I think floch is going to have an utterlessly meaningless death. Just to show the irony that surviving that day didn't change shit.

I think since he survived on pure luck and destiny up until now, I could imagine his death will be more by accident or by unfortunate circumstance then someone else succeeding to kill him

SHADIS THE CHADIS no but actually probably Yelena or Mikasa.

The 109th Recruits

Onyankopon, Jean and Mikasa, I hope.

Who knows. Hope he dies.

ZEKE JAEGER

Isayama

It'll be a team effort

CONNIE AND FALCO ARE EN ROUTE TO RAGAKO. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE OUTCOME WILL BE? 1,398 RESPONSES

Bets for the Return to Ragako arc are placed, and the majority (~43%) of you think that the overwhelming scent of cinnamon wafting from Falco will entice Connie to spare him. Not far behind, with 30.5% of the votes, is the prediction that Armin and Gabi will swoop in and save the day. The next most popular option was Falco feeling the sudden urge to die for Reiner, causing him to transform and escape. Following that was Falco realizing his predicament without getting his memories back, and after that, a very small amount of you guys (18), think Falco’s gonna get chomped.

Connie finna die

I can't think of how bringing back Connies mom will save Reiners life, so it won't happen.

Is it weird that I think Connie's mom has already turned back to human?

WHICH UNLIKELY TEAM-UP IS THE MOST EXCITING? 1,391 RESPONSES

An overwhelming majority of you guys are most excited to see the Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi squad team up, while the distant runner-up is Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. I can’t imagine why Connie/Falco got the least votes here.

WHICH TEAM, IF ANY, DO YOU THINK WILL MEET WITH HISTORIA? 1,384 RESPONSES

With a 31.6% majority, the… quad...duo… quaduo? That’s definitely not a word but it should be, technical definition pending. What I’m trying to say is that Team Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi got the most votes for “Who’s going to meet up with Historia?” Following that was… uh, nobody. As in the next most common answer is “nobody”. You guys are not making this write-up easy for me. After that was Team Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. The graph is proportional enough that you can see all the percentages, so that’s cool.

Historia is the key to ending this story and getting all the context we need. Which means we probably won’t see her again for awhile.

SLEEPING THROUGH THE APOCALYPSE. WHO DID IT BETTER? 1,399 RESPONSES

We didn’t ask for a reason behind this selection, but Reiner’s rather ill-timed cozy cottage snooze (58.5%) trounced Levi’s “return of the mummy” slumber (41.5%). Maybe it was the appeal of the fruit and snacks?

DO YOU THINK LEVI WILL BE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE UPCOMING BATTLE? 1,400 RESPONSES

Nearly 60% of you think Levi will recover enough to encourage the others to fight, 20% think he’ll recover enough to fight, and 15.3% think he’ll be unconscious for awhile. The white space on the graph is what happens when there are too many single-voter responses, but we can read them behind the scenes, and one of them suggested that we’re about to learn how titan serum affects Ackermans, and I just want to say that I appreciate your devotion to Titan Science™, anon.

TITAN LEVI INC

Crack theory: he‘ll eat Zeke after Zeke offers himself up because he lost his will to live. So yes, he‘ll be fully healed and badass again.

He is going to become a shifter by eating Zeke with the cooperation of Pieck/Magath, fulfilling his promise to Erwin.

He won't be recovering but he'll fight all the same, with his teeth if necessary

He'll recover enough to make one last heroic action before dying

I don't really know. I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

i don’t want him to participate. i just want him alive

I think that Levi will not be able to fight, but he'll be awake, and I'd like to him take on a mentorship role. I would love to see him make a full recovery by the time the manga concludes.

Some unforeseen magic will happen

HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE RUMBLING? 1,385 RESPONSES

The destruction on the ground, Floch’s reign of terror, and the 104th’s horror at what’s unfolding seems to have shaken some in the fandom with one quarter of respondents indicating that their support has lessened somewhat (20.6%) or significantly (5.7%). The remaining 75% are staying the course with close to 40% completely opposed to the rumbling and 35% in full support of it.

HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT EREN? 1,387 RESPONSES

The responses here are about what we might expect; a fairly even split between those who support Eren fully (or at least think he’s got some mysterious ace up his sleeve) and those that do not support him/are losing faith in him. Interestingly, the smallest response was from those who have lost a significant amount of faith in Eren, indicating the battle lines are still drawn at this point.

Eren did nothing wrong

Eren Yeager is GOD! Bow Down!

We're left in the dark of what Eren is really planning and so I can't judge this consequence too much. It is very extreme and I'm skeptical of it all.

Another aspect of the continual violence and really justifies Eren's position.

The inner fighting among themselves is going to get worse and they all will turn on Eren.

They should support eren, and the yeagerists, not plan to overthrow them

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

I hope that among his friends there are on the eren side, eren's decision was correct, although it was too cruel, but it was all for the people he loved. why his friends no one sided eren , I'm sad to think about it.

I love eren but :(

AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO YOU EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,406 RESPONSES

As much as I hate to think about the end of the manga, and the subsequent never-ending feud over the serum bowl and the Rumbling, we’re bound to become the next NGE at some point. It can’t be stopped. The majority, at 45.7%, think we have until around Chapter 134, which gives us about nine more months. Following that, 30.2%, think we have until Chapter 138, which gives us more than a year. A lesser but still significant quantity of votes say we have until Chapter 142+, and I feel a little bit like the Vince McMahon meme typing this. You know the one. Lastly, 8.7% of you think there are only 5 chapters left. Why anyone would even entertain such an idea is beyond me.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,409 RESPONSES

Wow! A huge split of opinion here regarding hopes for next chapter, as might be expected; but out in front with 27.8% of the vote is a wish to see more Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath; no doubt because we haven’t seen them for a while. Coming up in second place is Jean and Mikasa, with a number of fans hoping they will fight back against Floch. And of course, third place is the everpresent wish to see Historia once more. What on Earth is she up to???

Historia hopefully

A solid chapter with a lot of great character development. Who wants to bet that Connie and Falco are going to run into Historia at Ragako?

Give me Historia

Jean has an epiphany about himself and Eren's actions (since Floch is Eren's fanboy, like Jean was to a certain degree))

Jean and Floch will fight!

If Floch doesn't make Jean react, I don't know who else will. Their relationship has always been complex, so it would be beautiful to see Jean killing him. But as long as it's not a Jaeger, I'll be fine.

I can’t help but feel that there was something odd about the way Hange spoke about Levi to Magath and Pieck. “Rest assured, he’s just a harmless man who failed to die”. Harmless? Levi? Really? And Hange doesn’t speak like that, so to me this looks like strategizing and covering something up. I don’t think Levi is 100% okay, far from, but I don’t think he’s on the verge of death. And even if Levi will physically be unable to fight, he still isn’t harmless. He wasn’t dubbed Humanity’s Strongest only for his physical strength; Levi is smart, he’s an excellent leader, he’s compassionate and experienced. So, even if we don’t see him engage in fights as a soldier, I believe we will get to see him devise plans and strategies, negotiate, etc. After all, we still don’t know what the Ackermans are capable of. We know they have superhuman strength, so I believe we’re all in for a surprise (or not so much of a surprise) when it comes to Levi. He’s played an enormous part in the story already, but his story isn’t over. Best boi love him yes.

I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

All aboard the ship! Ms. HanjiXMagath is setting sail! (???)

HISTORIA BACKSTORY, OR I WILL END THIS WORLD

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,328 RESPONSES

Reddit continues to dominate the responses to this question, and this month there were literally more people who don’t discuss the series than people who discuss it on Tumblr. A direct consequence of banning Titan-presenting nipples, surely. Lastly, something ominous is going on in the Snapchat cult, because there were only two of you this month, down from five last month. That’s still enough to reproduce though and it makes me uneasy. Regardless of where or whether you discuss the series though, we appreciate all of you guys’ participation in the poll. We literally couldn’t do it without you!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

hE dID nOtHing wrOnG

I mean it's not like Eren could be like "wait while you're breaking out of the wall, can ya be clean about it?" but also....yeahhhhh umm I'm not positive that Eren cares for the majority of Paradisians

Petra's death still burns... Yet I can't really hate Annie.

[Annie’s] story kinda looks like a copypasta of Zeke's but I'm glad it's established she doesn't care for her grand goal and would sacrifice everything to achieve hers if it needs to be brought again

I feel for the wall Titans, they've been conscious for the last century, just chilling there.

Isayama couldn't have made the parallel between Annie and Eren any more blatant if he tried.

I don't know why people are so surprised with Eren being in cahoots with Floch. He is already killing billions to secure peace for Paradis, installing an authoritarian government for the same reason is not unlike him. He already said, he is going to take the freedom from people if they threaten his even innocents.

0/10 no Reiner. jk, the chapter may not have "action" per se, but i love the focus on how the rumbling affects all the characters, including the eldians in the camps. also, all the pairings are really interesting. i hope the HLMP combo leads to good things for the future. i wonder if Armin & Gabi'll talk, and whether she'll learn that he is the Colossus titan, or if she'll catch onto Reiner's great familiarity with these people…

another average chapter in SNK standards (awesome in manga standards)

Another set-up chapter - would be good to see some major events occur to keep the momentum going. Also want Eren/Zeke POVs

After 10 months of wondering where Levi was and if he was alive, i fully sympathise with Annie stans, who had to wait the better part of a decade. But I'm glad to know Levi's alive for now.

Seeing almost everyone other than the Jeager brothers was so damn fresh. Now everyone's gotta work together to stop the total downer ending.

Felt like this a needed chapter to see where all the characters’ directions are headed. Whether we see more compromise or more tension between characters. It creates more anticipation and excitement for what’s to become of Eren and his plan.

Isayama been sleepin on some important characters 💤

Very interesting seeing so many different perspectives, if only we could get Historia some day

Great chapter. But if hange teams up with Pieck and Magath I am going to be very disappointed. They have no reason to rely on the the people who have been trying to exterminate them for years. I get they need to stop eren but they cant let forget the atrocities Marley has done to them. Regroup with the rest and figure out another goddman way.

A very interesting chapter. I fully expect an emotional outburst from Mikasa any time now. Maybe directed at Eren himself.

aaahh I just want Zeke

Give me Eren

Give me Historia

How the hell will Isayama cover all these separated smol groups in only 12 chapters??? Can he rly end the manga this year cos I have doubts!

All pieces are on the move, time to wrap things up, Isayama-sensei! Though I don't see any way to stop Eren, unless they maybe use Historia and her royal blood? Can't wait to see how Isayama will solve all of this.

I love the setting of the rumbling as a slow moving mass of dust and meat that we’re all powerless to stop. I love how we’ve seen it from the perspective of people on the receiving end of the destruction, from people that support it and most of all, people who would never support it but are still benefiting from it. Regardless, none of them could stop even if they wanted too. It makes the issue seem so much more real.

Annie is pretty much like Eren right now, knowingly doing terrible things for the people they care about, both have accepted the cruelty of the world and acted accordingly and is not like the world has given them reasons to think otherwise. But this mentality has only brought pain and suffering around them and to themselves, I hope in the end she changes her outlook in life and finally goes against the "current" of the way things are as she described and do the right thing.

Annie needs to get Armins head out of his ass. Floch was executing people next to his friends and he just runs off wtf

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

Armin did nothing wrong. I've seen people complaining about he "yelling with waifu" and even comparing with Eren, even tho what Eren did was totally intentional, while Armin wasn't he didn't mean to hurt her, he snapped under stress, but when he saw he hurt her he regretted so much that even brought Erwin to the picture. But apparently his feeling and emotions are nothing compared with Mikasa's...

Armin made the right choice to go after Falco. His strategy is to ally with the Warriors and Marley. His tactic is to use Falco as barter. It is the best move he can make with the situation as it is. If he succeeds he gains Connie back in the fold, Falco, Gabi, Reiner, Pieck, and Magath. This type of quality help will raise morale and lessen the pressure that everyone feels. Hopefully they work as a team and communicate with each other. Don’t be like Eren who has no fog of war because he knows how it ends and, yet, doesn’t tell anybody about it.

As long as the rest of the world is unwilling to negotiate peacefully I’m not sure what other options were on the table. Obviously eren’s actions are irredeemable, but I feel that he’ll have the same sentiment Annie expressed: if this is the only way his friends make it out alive then he’d choose this path every time. I don’t think all of the blame is on eren(though he is still responsible for his own actions). Every side played a role in this and it should have never come to this to begin with.

I really appreciated the scenes with Armin, Mikasa, and Jean. The rumbling is a world-changing/ reality altering event and Armin said as much, but I'm really hoping these three can manage to salvage some peace for themselves despite the chaos.I think Eren has already accepted his own mortality re: the Curse of Ymir and has fully resigned himself to doing whatever he deems necessary for Paradis, I'm interested to see his end. I also enjoyed seeing Levi and Hange, I never doubted their survival; it also might be a further indication that Floch is BS'ing his way with his power grab when he said that they were killed...This series is excellent.

Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Can't wait to see Jean snap at Floch

It was great but isayama please let us see eren...

I just really hope Connie doesn't die but I'm not feeling too optimistic... I can't believe Annie's back and I'm really looking forward to whatever her and Hitch do next.

The reaction to the Armin and Mikasa scene initially drove me up the wall, because people's readings of Mikasa are just so fucking bad--she's literally right??? LMAO. Mikasa and the 104th have always followed Armin's guidance, so she isn't even wrong when she asks how to make herself useful. But the reaction to her question about Eren is just...

Levi surviving the thunderspear was bullshit. Hopefully he stays permanently injured and not overpowered again. Isayama give us Historia please. I hope we get to see my baby Reiner wake up next chapter. I wish that Reiner and Annie meet again please

I got emotional when Falco was starting to "remember" Connie. While Sasha's scenes after her death could have been written better, every time I see a Ymir reference, something interesting happens. We need to remember best girl, and finally we get to see that Connie was an important comrade of hers.

I hope Connie makes the right choices, my boy has suffered enough!

It somehow gave positive vibes despite the apocalyptic setting, and I was extremely happy we got to see almost everyone again.

I want to see more about what happened to Ymir Fritz after she gained her freedom.

I'm glad Levi is ok but i gotta know: how is he able to breathe when HIS ENTIRE FACE HAS BEEN BANDAGED UP

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiiiiiiiiine

Lame ass chapter, everything feels pointless and forced and the ambiguity and moral grayness of the story is gone.

Levi has to give meaning to those deaths. It's what will give peace to his heart. He deserves to fight one last time.

mikasa let me hug you and protect you

Can we agree Keith is badass? He advised trainees to not lose themselves despite the government. It's such a stark contrast with Floch in this chapter. He was so traumatized by his first mission as a SC, losing his comrades, watching them die meaningless deaths and seeing the SC fighting over who should be lived other than the commander. As he shot that voluteer he made it clear he casted his values aside for survival. In the end he learned they were just as meaningless as Marlowe's death.

More Yelena pls

This chapter was a lot of scenes I had been waiting for put together. We had Annie and Hitch interaction, an update on Connie and Falco, Gabi and Armin now heading their way, and Levi and Hange are finally back. Now all we need is Historia. The wait for her stopped being funny a LONG time ago...Actually scratch that, it wasn't funny to begin with. 😒

Levi is alive bitches

Really glad it's not all wrapping up with Eren activating the rumbling. Seeing how everyone is handling the chaos has been incredible. I was telling my friends that I honestly don't think the final battle will be against Eren. It's just everyone versus the pure chaos of the situation. I don't see Eren getting beat

The EMA trio was never my favorite, but it still kinda hurt to see them all split up.

The Erwin references were amazing!! Both in the manga and the end text!!

With all these relatively slow-paced, character-driven chapters recently, it seems as if the ending will be very rushed. I have faith in Isayama’s writing skills, but I just hope he will be able to pull off an ending that will do justice to all these wonderful characters he has built up, while rounding out the plot in a satisfying way. This story, in my opinion, is a masterpiece so far - and an ending could either make or break it at this point. Either way, I look forward to seeing the coming chapters very much.

Where is Kiyomi ? (2nd edition)

#snk polls #snk poll #snk 125 #snk chapter polls

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hes-writer · 5 years

Text

One Of My Own (4)

Summary: Harry falls out of love

Warnings: angst and a lil fluff

Word Count: 4.4k

[THIS IS UNEDITED]

The weekend getaway was over and Y/N was back to reality. Harry had left shortly after dinner, indicating that he should probably look for Dani. It was an eventful two days, to say the least, but Y/N felt a little better sharing some of her internal hardships to people that will comfort and support her.

She was on her way to class when the sighting of a familiar man made her slow her pace down in order to watch his interaction with Dani. Niall and her sister were talking to each other animatedly, and she would’ve loved to stay and watch but she really had to get going. He should too, Y/N thought, since they were in the same class after all.

“Hey, Y/N. How was your weekend?” Niall greeted her cheerily, taking a seat on the chair beside her. She looked at him for a few seconds, debating if she had the right to ask what she wanted to question.

“Why were you talking to Daniela?” She interrogated, hands playing with each other as a nervous habit.

“Ah, thought I saw you walk past, didn’t even say hi to me,” Niall bore a grin towards her, avoiding the extent of her question.

Y/N knew that Harry felt more comfortable keeping their relationships to themselves, not because he was embarrassed by her; but because he wanted to make sure that the person that he was with currently would be there for a long time. He explained to her some time ago and she understood since she was also quite iffy of Harry meeting her sister. So, she really didn’t know many of Harry’s friends, not aware that Niall was one of them.

“Sorry, had to get to class,” She shrugged her shoulders, pulling out a pen and notebook. “Are you gonna answer me?”

“Woah, slow down tiger,” Niall widened his eyes at her intrusive question. “Well, just came to talk to her cause there’s been some rumors going around,”

Y/N turned her shoulders to face him, interested in what he had to say and if she could do anything to help her sister out-- after all, they were still relatives. “What kind of rumors?”

“Heard she stole her own sister’ boyfriend,” Niall whispered, looking around as if he didn't want anybody else to know. “What a bitch! And that boyfriend’s a fucking asshole,”

She was alert, back extended to her full height as she let the next words fall out of her mouth, “Do you know t-their names?”

“Hmm well, I think her sister’s name is Y/N? Not you though,” He tilted his chin to gesture at her. “And I dunno the boyfriend, but she’s dating a new guy now,”

“Oh really?” “Yeah, he’s my best mate,”

“Your best mate?” Y/N stuttered out, feeling her heart start to pound. From the corner of her eye, she could see the professor walk down the angled slope towards the front of the lecture hall.

“Yeah. Harry Styles? Do you know him?” Niall asked, completely oblivious. “He was a dating a Y/N too,”

She only gulped at him, “Funny, isn’t it?” He continued, trailing off when the puzzle pieces fit with each other, “Wait, d-did you-- are you..?”

Y/N blinked, facing the front. She could feel Niall’s blue eyes lingering on the side of her face, watching her with caution and what she’s been used to recently--empathy. But, he didn’t say anything.

------

Harry was over at Dani’s apartment for the day. It was the first time that they’ve met up since the disastrous dinner at her parents’ house. Harry ducked down from the flying shoe that speedily whizzed past his head.

“That’s funny, I thought boyfriends were supposed to support their girlfriend!” Dan’s voice bellowed from the distance where she threw the shoe.

For the time that he was alone, Harry had confirmed to himself that he did--indeed-- still loves Y/N. He figured the feelings were pulling at his heart, but his talk with Carlos further exemplified the things he was feeling. Not only that, but the newfound knowledge about Dani’s evil-doings had kicked him in the gut.

“Not when you hurt people, Dani”

“Now you care about Y/N?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes at him and Harry swore that that was all she did nowadays.

“I always cared for her,”

“Even when you fucked me in your bed while you were still together?” A ringing appeared near Harry’s ears as if it was information that was hard to swallow. “You’re lying to yourself,”

“You manipulated me,” Harry said, running a hand through his hair. “You used me to hurt her and I let you,”

Dani responded, "So what if I did? All my life the attention has been on her. Everybody prefers her and I can't stand it so I did what I had to do to make her feel like she deserves,” She crossed her arms across her chest, “It’s not my fault you left her,”

"You’re so jealous of her that you've gone insane,” Harry twirled his finger against his temple, striding his long leg towards Dani, “We’re over.”

“Am I supposed to be hurt by that?"

“If you truly loved me, it should." It was a loose thread that Harry was pulling at. Through the short months of being with Dani, he couldn’t help but develop fundamental feelings for her--he was only human after all, and being in a relationship can boggle with his mind.

“But I didn't,” And Harry really shouldn’t have cared by that statement because he expected it. However, his desire to find a mate kicks in and he is met with the realization that he had neither a partner or a sentimental value of love. It’s not like Y/N would take him back either.

“Don’t look at me like I just kicked a puppy,” Dani interrupts his train of thought. “You'll get over it quickly,”

Harry was gobsmacked with the intensity of it all. He just found out that his own girlfriend lied to him about her childhood, and he realized his feelings for Y/N but now, he can’t even do anything about it. What are the chances of her letting him talk to her, let alone be in the same room as her?

Daniela was a--very--cold woman to be able to do the thing she did. She could’ve simply talked Y/N about how she felt; Harry was sure that Y/N would’ve listened to her worries. But no, she was a bulldozer that attacked the moment she got the chance and Y/N was blinded by the idea of blood being thicker than water that she let herself get trampled by her own sister.

As for Harry, he found himself in a mindset the picked on everything he did wrong. Y/N was such a strong woman for handling things the way she did. When she answered the door for them, she greeted them in a civilized way--with a smile even. And when Dani insulted her right in front of their family, Y/N was dignified and didn’t let it bother her but before she went upstairs again, Harry could see the pain in her eyes. She was crumbling and he could clearly identify that she was screaming for help; but not from him. Even if he was the last man on earth, and she was drowning; she’d rather let herself fall freely than come back to him.

She had all the right to be hateful, but she didn’t. It wasn’t in her nature to cut people off and it came with its pros and cons. The good thing is, he could still walk up to her and have a conversation. The bad thing was that it probably wouldn’t be very pleasant for both of them. Y/N would probably fight through wanting to punch his stupid face while Harry scoured his mind for something interesting to say.

Y/N deserved so much love--love that he didn’t give her before because he was blinded by what he thought was love for Daniela. He thought that Y/N and he were a dead end and he flew before he could get hurt; not taking into account that he was hurting instead. He was a selfish man, he concurs. But he’s changed, he could feel something different spiking through within him. He was more prepared this time, more knowledgeable and Harry promised himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

He had a plethora building up within him--for Y/N-- but he wasn’t allowed to give it to her no matter how much he wanted to. She won’t accept. Frankly, he doesn’t blame her. What he did was cruel--too cruel. In fact, he doesn’t know if he’ll find a way to get back on his feet if Y/N did something similar to him; much less doing it on his own like Y/N was at the moment. He betrayed and abandoned her for her own sister. That’s twofold the pain that one would go through a cheating partner.

Speaking of, he hasn’t actually talked to her since, well, since they ‘broke up.’ If he felt bad before everything spilled, his feeling exacerbated when he saw her looking thinly and like she didn’t get enough sleep. There was no use trying to conjure up reasons as to why her appearance changed because Harry knew deep inside that he was the reason why she wasn’t taking care of herself.

-------

While Harry was mourning over a loss of great love, Y/N was being lifted off of her sorrows by the one and only Niall. Despite knowing each other for only a few weeks--close to a month-- Y/N somehow found it in herself to let Niall in through her high walls and thick skin. She let him see that parts of her that she was afraid of because she felt like she could trust him. And so far, he made no action to disprove her conclusion. He was different, but she was still wary.

Niall and Y/N were getting close and closer each day. They started hanging out outside of class time. They started talking about other topics and not only about the project they’d been assigned. Niall saw more of Y/N coming out of her shell, and she watched as the usually bubbly boy became vulnerable in the confines of her apartment walls.

“Chocolate is better than vanilla!” Niall exclaimed at her, spoon digging inside his pudding cup. “Change my mind,”

Y/N made a muffled sound with closed lips. Her mouth is filled by vanilla pudding. She shook her head in disagreement, “Nuh uh,”

“Yeah huh,” He responded as he outstretched his hand out to hers, indirectly asking for her pudding cup so that he could throw it in the bin. She was almost done with it.

“I don’t understand. Chocolate pudding is kind of bitter,”

“But vanilla pudding is too sweet!” He grabbed her cup, heading to the attached kitchen to rinse out the remains before tossing it in the recycling bin.

As Y/N watched him being so domestic--being so caring for her-- she realized that this was exactly how Harry acted in the early stage of their relationship. It seemed that she kept comparing Niall and Harry’s actions, and she would always make herself sadder by the thought. Whatever Niall did, Harry would find a way to disclose the happy moment by reminding Y/N of what used to be and made her cautious of what could happen again if she let Niall come too close.

Y/N mumbled to herself quietly, trying to shut off the thoughts about how Niall will only hurt her.

“What was that, Y/N?” He asked, plopping his bum down on the couch beside her.

“I think you should leave,” She said so softly that Niall only got whisps of her sentence.

“Hmm? You wanna watch something else?” He grabbed the remote from the table in front of them. “I know you like rom-coms so maybe we’ll watch that,”

The TV flicked to the main menu. He browsed through the categories, briefly glancing at her. “Oi, what’s wrong?”

“I think you should leave,” Y/N said more sternly. Guilt was eating up her inside. Somehow, it felt wrong to have Niall over while she was still thinking of her ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t fair to him either.

Her statement made him drop the remote on his lap. He winced a little but his eyes widened in surprise. His mouth opened and close, not knowing what to say when someone asks you to leave. “Oh, d-did I do something wrong?”

She shook her head ‘no’. “I just--- I have stuff to do and I won’t be able to focus,”

Niall nodded understandingly, but he was still discombobulated by the sudden request to exit the building. He stood up, grabbing his phone on the table before wrapping his arms in his coat that he had hung by the door. His hand grasped the doorknob, looking at her for a final time before he left. “Y/N,”

She looked up to him from her position on the couch, the tears she’d tried to dry out spilling a little over her waterline, “Yeah?”

“I’m here for you,”

---------

Niall was worried for Y/N. Since the day she had asked him to leave, he hasn’t seen much of her on campus. It was like she was avoiding him. Actually, he was certain that she was avoiding him because she recently switched seats to the other side of the room. She wouldn’t even look on his direction, much less spare him a subtle wave or glance. He tried calling out her name one day after class, but he got no response from her. He could only watch as her head of hair disappeared among the mass crowd that hid her from him.

Y/N was disappointed in herself. She was aware of what she was doing this time. She was isolating herself and her pride wouldn’t let her overcome the loop she’d put herself in. Niall was getting closer to her faster than she had anticipated and it sent her into a frenzy. Was she ready? She didn’t know if she was prepared to let somebody in again--even though Niall had squeezed himself in--she was scared.

She was shaking in her boots, teeth nipping on her fingernails as her eyes shifted from one corner of the room to the other because her mind couldn’t stay quiet in the late hours of the night. Y/N was under the covers, hiding from the harsh reality of the world. Would it be so wrong to let Niall in? She so badly wanted to but there was a pull in her heart that warned her. She didn’t know if she was being paranoid or there was something suspicious about Niall.

Nonetheless, Niall was very persistent in being in her life. He reached out to her in any way he knew how.; chased her after class, but she ignored it. He left voice messages on her phone when she failed to answer his calls. He spammed her with texts despite always being left on read. He was trying so hard and she was rejecting him with the same energy--pushing him away, yet he pushed back and with it, he polished off the ball that is Y/N’s fear of abandonment, making it more real than she thought possible.

-----------------

“Hey H,” Niall greeted as Harry opened the door to his apartment. He was over for the day to hang out and chill. The two boys haven’t done so in a while, especially with exams and assignments running at full speed.

“What’s up, man?” Harry responded, leaning in for a hug.

Niall walked into the small living room--as Harry had instructed--while he gathered up some snacks and drinks to keep them filled while they caught up with each others’ lives. Minutes later, Harry and his bowl filled arms came into view.

“How’s you and Dani?” Niall questioned. He remembered how Y/N’s face looked when they talked about the topic before, and he was antsy to confirm the truth.

“We broke up,” It was a solemn confession from him, but Harry was relieved.

“Why’s that?”

“We just-- we didn't work out,” Harry stuttered out an excuse. “How about you? Found anybody you like?”

Niall cleared his throat, blinking rapidly as he was caught off guard of how quickly the question was directed to him. “Uh, yeah actually. Got my eye on someone,”

“Innit?” Harry punched Niall’s knee in a teasing manner, “What’s her name? Do I know her?” He took a gulp from canned ice tea, filling his cheeks with the slightly chilled beverage.

“Her name’s Y/N,” Niall watched carefully as Harry’s eyes widened, fighting himself from spilling the liquid out of his mouth. “Not sure if it’s *your Y/N, though,”

Harry asked him what that Y/N looked like and from the way Niall as eyeing him cautiously, he knew that both of them were tiptoeing on a topic that was bound to make them face the truth. And when Niall described Y/N’s appearance first, Harry couldn’t help but envision a perfect image of her in his mind—having not forgotten such a beautiful face. However, once Niall rambled in about her ‘perfect personality’; how she was nice and sweet, but humble and gentle—Harry felt his heart hurting because that totally sounded like his Y/N.

“Does that sound like your Y/N?”

Harry nodded, unable to deny something that was so undeniably true. It was quiet for minutes, neither of them saying a word to each other.

“Harry,” Niall began. “Were you—did you leave Y/N for her sister?”

He nodded hesitantly but nonetheless witnessed as hope vanished from Niall’s baby blue eyes. He was praying that Harry wouldn’t do such a thing, but he was proven wrong. “I did, yeah, I-,”

“That’s … not very nice,”

“Don’t you think I know that already?” Harry gassed, squinting his eyes. His nostrils were flaring from hearing the way Niall talked to him as if he didn’t know that what he did was terrible.

“Don’t get angry at me! I’m just saying,” Niall raised his hands up in the air. “That’s pretty fucked up man,”

“I thought we were drifting. I had to get out before it got worse,” He gulped, trying to explain himself. “I didn’t think I was gonna fall for Dani,”

“Don’t you think you should’ve talked to Y/N first?”

“Yes but sh-she,” Harry stuttered over his words. The simplest thing he could’ve done to avoid this whole mess was to talk to Y/N, but it somehow managed to slip his mind. If he communicated with her, maybe they would’ve fixed this and gone over the bump. “You’re right. I’m going to talk—,”

Niall phone buzzed loudly on the glass surface of the coffee table. He reached out to grab the device. “It’s Y/N, I have to go,”

Harry watched as Niall got up on his feet, waiting for him to do the same so he could bid him goodbye properly. The blonde patted the others’ shoulder firmly as if to reprimand him of his wrongdoing.

“Where are you going?”

Niall looked over his shoulder, shrugging on his coat by the door. “Her place,”

It was all Niall said before he unlocked the door and swung it open. Harry was left with his wandering thoughts that imagined filthy things going on between Y/N and his friend. He shook his head to get rid of them.

He sat on his love seat chair, legs spread widely as he covers his face with the expanse of his palm. He glanced up towards the ceiling, silently praying to a God that would be able to help him figure hot to cure the ache in his heart know that Y/N was progressing from him and slowly replacing him. He had no right to be angry but he couldn’t help but want to burst into her place and blame her for moving on too fast; for not even trying to fix them before she let the fire between them simmer. But Harry knew that she was doing the best thing that she can for herself, and as much as he didn’t want her to—he was a selfish man and Harry wanted Y/N all to himself.

-----

“We’re almost done!” Y/N exclaimed excitedly from across Niall. They were in her bedroom, sat on her bed with papers surrounding both of them. Her laptop jostled over from her lap when she bounced from the knowledge that their efforts would soon dwindle when they finish this assignment.

“Oi, calm down Y/N. I have to focus,” Niall replied as he but his lip. Fingers typing on the keyboard to finish the last bits of information needed on the ‘reference’ page.

Y/N pouted at being reprimanded but she let her eyes dance on her own laptop screen as the pink line moved on the Google Doc that they were sharing. “Sorry, I’m excited to relax,”

It was true. Since Niall arrived, they’ve hit it straight to the ballpark. They’ve not had a break since hours ago and her stomach was rumbling with need.

“And done!” Niall accentuated his words with a final tap to his keyboard—submitting an assignment had never felt better than it did right at this moment.

Y/N gathered the papers in a neat pile before placing them in a blue folder. Niall shut down his computer, preparing to pack for his departure for the night. “Where are you going, Ni?”

He paused, halfway to zipping his bag when she asked him that. “Uh, my place?

“But it’s,” Y/N glanced at her alarm clock. “Eleven-thirty in the evening!”

“So?” Niall raises his brows in confusion.

“So? You can’t go out that late,”

“Then where am I supposed to sleep tonight,” He replied. Y/N thought the idea over her head and concluded that it wouldn’t be too big of a deal to let Niall stay the night.

“Here, of course,” She places her school materials on her desk, clearing her bed of any clutter.

“You want me,” He pointed at his chest. “To sleep here tonight?” Y/N nodded enthusiastically.

Y/N squealed as Niall landed on the spot beside her, body flopping against the mattress. He released a slight groan, “Ooo, your bed is comfy,”

She giggled when he spread out his limbs purposely, shoving her off the bed eventually. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“‘M a big guy, I need all the space I can get,” Y/N puffed air out from her tightly closed lips, mocking his words.

“You’re not that big,”

“Size doesn’t matter,” He mumbled the best he could with his cheek being squished against the soft pillows.

Y/N slapped his shoulder for his innuendo, instructing him to get up so that they could head to the kitchen and fix themselves some very late dinner.

Niall watched from his spot on her kitchen table as Y/N seemed to dance around from spot to spot, collecting ingredients and mixing them in the pot on the stove. His mouth watering with the delicious aroma wafting the air around him despite the exhaust fan above being turned on.

“Y/N, I have a question,” She hummed in response. “Did Harry leave you for Dani?”

Y/N paused her movements, arm stuck frozen from its stirring position. He couldn’t see her face and she was glad because she was sure that it must’ve morphed into a crumpled expression.

“Actually, you don’t have to answer that,” Niall cleared his throat. “He was a jerk to do that. Harry, I mean,”

He continued when Y/N didn’t respond verbally. “I apologize for him. He’s my friend and I’m having a hard time comprehending that he could do something so vile,”

“But I want you to know that he doesn’t deserve you,”

Y/N felt the warmth of his body against the expanse her back and she was rendered frozen once again. “I know,”

She could hear him chuckle breathily and for a moment, she smiled too. “That’s good to hear,”

“I’m trying to get over him, you know,” She sighed, finally turning around, only to be met with his broad chest. She stared at the white shirt that covered his skin, thinking through her next words. “It’s hard,”

“But being with you,” Y/N lifted a hand up to his chest, letting a finger trace lightly. Niall’s heart quickened its pace, she could tell from the increasingly deeper breaths he took. She swore she could feel his heartbeat pounding through the barriers.

His hands touched her lower back gently just after he switched the stove knob off. He was afraid to take her by surprise when he felt her body tense, but it soon relaxed against his touch. Niall was looking at the top of her head because of his height advantage, and he so badly wanted to tilt her chin up and bore his eyes into her pretty ones.

“But with you, it gets easier.”

And maybe it was stupid of Harry to impulsively visit Y/N at the slither of dusk, and even stupider when he put his key--that he never gave back to her--in the keyhole because she wasn’t answering the door. His mind was fuzzy and he wasn’t thinking clearly; maybe his knocks were too light against the wood of the door. He thought Y/N was ignoring him because he can clearly see a crack of light from underneath in front of his feet. It was the stupidest thing to enter her apartment, ready to softly call out her name. He can smell the food she’d always especially make for him---it wasn’t just his mouth-watering, but his eyes as well because the root of the intoxicating scent was centered on the stove. He couldn’t see the appliance because of two bodies blocking the way.

He really wished that he’d just waited behind the closed door and not witness the sight in front of him.

-----

okay so I said I was recurringly posting part 4 with pt3 but im late sO O WELL. AND YES, there will be a pt5 cause i haven't said all i wanted to say

this is me squeezing out the last of the writing cells out of my brain

more of this series; Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

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