#actuallyphobic

[phobia-culture-is]

phobia (specifically masklophobic and/or arachnaphobic) culture is hating halloween, and feeling so alien because everyone around you LOVES it. (also stressing out of your mind all during the days leading up to halloween)

!!

[soong-type-notinuse]

just tried looking through phobia hashtags on social media to find content and to connect with other phobic people but 90% of the content was irrelevant because people still refuse to learn the difference between mental illness and bigotry.

like, saneists gotta stop clogging our hashtags, taking up our space, talking over us

tumblr has an actually phobic tag which is lovely but not very active. other social media don't have one at all. it's no actually autistic

and it's seemingly impossible to spread the word about such a hashtag because everyone who term-searches "phobia" will just find unrelated content about bigotry.

it's already hard enough because there's hardly anyone else who shares the same phobias i have and these people just take over conversations involving the term phobia

it may sound ridiculous to complain about a hashtag but hashtags are such important tools for internet communication and as we can see they are so easily misused by those in power, who are already taking over our conversations and further invisibilising us.

[humanlyimprobable]

Getting extremely fucking tired of the ableism surrounding phobias and phobic people.

[hadourhandstied]

Nothing says September like anxiety rising like the tides. Spooky season indeed.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

If you're a "mental health advocate" who thinks triggering people's phobias is "funny" or "helps them get over it" I am going to punch you in the face. If you can understand why triggering someone's PTSD is bad you can understand why triggering someone's phobia is bad.

[dsm-lxix]

i think my pyrophobia may be coming back a bit and im trying so hard bc i don't wanna have so many sleepless nights again

[idabackwardsintherain]

Thinking about one of my students last year who was recognised by school psychologists to have profound test anxiety, but the special educational needs team privately talked about how her behaviours to get out of exams were faked.

Yes, it did seem (based on witnesses' descriptions) that L staged 'accidentally' hitting her head, then verbally reported symptoms she was not physically presenting. Yes, she did try to fake being ill. Yes, she did feign acts of self-harm during her exam (without actually doing it) and watch to see whether staff would notice. Yes, all of these behaviours seemed to be calculated to get her excused from her mocks, and it was quite obvious that she was lying in several cases. Yes, she did all of these things repeatedly.

But in several of the incidents that occurred, she seemed to have convinced herself that a medical crisis was occurring. And either way, she wasn't doing any of this for shits and giggles. Some of her attempts were quite childish, but that's to be expected of a teenager who has been clinically diagnosed as lagging behind her peers in emotional and cognitive development.

L was desperate. This kind of behaviour is not the easy way out. Convincing yourself and others that you're physically ill is hard, and it's deeply unpleasant, and it often results in actual physical illness.

Anyway, I was thinking about that just now because the clock is ticking on my essay, and I don't know if I should apply for an extension, and I'm starting to feel a sense of physical malaise, and I'm trying to remember the words of the therapist who told me that - contrary to what I've told myself for years - injuring my body is not the "easy way out". I always thought I avoided hard work, but she told me that in her opinion, I had given myself a much harder burden. Punishing myself in ways that would be completely illegal if I did them to somebody else is not easy, even if it feels that way to me.

[sleepyducktime]

Might have finally gotten a job but it starts at 4am and in the happiness of 'job!' I forgot that 4am=dark

[selfconstructedself]

Tw bugs

I thought I was doing better with my bug phobia but I just sat down in my living room for the first time in ~3 weeks and I can't handle it - heavy breathing and itching and imagining bugs everywhere.

I miss my living room. It has my favorite chair and TV and books and guitar and it was homey and safe and now it doesn't feel safe anymore and I don't know what to do.

[phobia-culture-is]

phobia culture is being scared to tell people what your phobias are, for fear that they’ll use it against you like others have in the past

!!

[soong-type-notinuse]

ableists have misused the term "phobia" so much that people are asking me what "phobic" means 😭 yeah, you won. ableism has won

[humanlyimprobable]

The Stuff of Nightmares and Soft Sweaters.

(warnings for a detailed spider encounter) AO3 link

When Jon turns around, he freezes. All thoughts of the peri peri chicken he was supposed to be making for his and Martins supper abandoned as his vision funnels around what is currently sitting on the kitchen floor.

It’s spindly brown legs jutting out from a brown, relatively hairless body and fuckfuckfuckohgodfu c k

Jon needs an exit, he needs to get away from it. As Jon frantically scans the area for an escape path he realizes that all his paths bring him too close to the spider, and it could very well crawl on to him on the way and he might not even KNOW until it's too late and it's in his face and ohgoditsMOVINGohgodfuckhelp

It’s not until Jon cannot physically move backwards anymore that he realizes he’s pressed against the kitchen wall (what if there are more waiting for him on the wall? fuckfuckfuck nope), and it’s not until (with a start) Jon manages to just barely recognize that Martin has come barreling in from where he was chopping wood outside, that he also manages to realize he’s been screaming. He’s not about to stop now.

“Jon! What’s wrong what’s going on?! what’s happening?! Are you ok?!”

Some deep part of Jon’s brain that seems to be the only remaining source of logic takes a small bit of comfort (but not much oh god oh FUCK it’s coming cloSER) in hearing Martin panicking as well. The part that wants this all to be over already however, could not care less and has Jon gesturing quickly to the brown monstrosity currently moving towards the fridge and decidedly not Jon (but really, its all the same at this point).

Martin sighs and takes off one of his sneakers before bringing it down with a loud WACK on top of the spindly nightmare. It takes one more WACK and the sight of a brown smear to assure Jon that it’s officially dead. Jon does not move from his spot.

Suddenly, he realizes he’s staring at Martins face, and he tears his eyes away to scan the rest of the area. (there could be mORE hiding YOU DON’T KNOW). It’s not until he’s wrapped solidly and softly by two big arms that Jon realizes he must be crying. Jon grabs hold of Martin’s sweater with all his might (he keeps his arms in front of him, he cant risk not being able to see them right now).

They stay like that for a while. Though Martin does turn the stove off before their supper becomes too unsalvageable, Jon. The tease is nice, and it startles a small laugh from Jon, which makes Martin smile a bit in kind. Slowly, Martin leads them out of the kitchen, careful to steer Jon away from the smeared remains of the “Hellbeast Martin it was from hell.” Martin gives a small chuckle.

He sits Jon down on the couch, and when Jon starts squirming (he has to be sure there aren't any in here too) he goes back into the kitchen. There’s a small click as he turns the kettle on and when Martin returns, he has two mugs of chamomile tea. Martin sets one mug in Jon's outstretched hands, and sits himself down beside the still shaking man. They sit and drink in silence until finally, Jon’s shoulders sag, and his eyelids droop.

They’re both too tired to do anything but shift until Jon’s laying on top of Martin, and in the comfort of the encroaching night, they both drift asleep.

[hadourhandstied]

Hey phobia-havers in my phone, I just want to say hi. For years I used this tag with very few other people consistently posting and every time I see a new post I'm so glad that we have a little semblance of community somewhere.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

Also phobia are one of the most frequently disregarded anxiety disorders. I can't tell you the number of time actual doctors have brushed me off when I ask them if there's any other option than blood work. I have to tell doctors that I've been violent during phobia episodes for them to take me seriously, which is an incredibly embarrassing thing to have to admit to someone you've just met. I've been verbally harassed during panic attacks by medical staff, including a school nurse who had been specifically told by several of her higher-ups to not speak to me about the issue. I was held down in the hospital and told I was "being a baby" while having a full blown panic attack by the nurse who was taking my blood (I ended up kicking her during the process, so I guess we're even).

So people saying "homophobic" is literally the least of my worries at the moment. I would really love activism for my condition that actually helped break down real stigmas that affect me, because the "-phobic words are ableist" is the only time I've seen other mentally ill people treat phobias as real mental illnesses and not just little fears to be gotten over and forgotten.

[alittleyellowdinosaur]

I honest to god just had to wise mind myself down from spraying highly toxic bug spray that I shouldn’t even be using as frequently as I am onto my fucking toothbrush before using it bc I saw an ant about a foot away from it and was worried one would be in my toothbrush even after washing it. Just. God damn it Elliot.

[windwardstar]

Exposing people to their phobias because you think it's funny to see them distressed makes you a horrible ableist peice of trash.

Causing panic attacks isn't funny.