noithatrelaxart-blog

[akorah]

Rambled myself into a psychological breakthrough, which is great but also extremely annoying because it turns out I haven't actually processed a bunch of shit I thought I processed like three years ago. My therapist is either going to have a field day or be very annoyed.

[lambert-simnel]

Did you know Nana Visitor said in an interview she wasn’t considered a beautiful actress in the 90’s? absolutely insane

I actually had a hard time finding reference images for early season short hair big shoulder pads Kira. I guess they did less promo and the camera quality was maybe a bit shit in early on idk but this is my favourite outfit of hers ever I literally wrote about it for uni once

Anyway I can see definite improvement from my Dax painting, i’m still colour picking from the reference so I might challenge myself not to do that next time. I think this took around 3 hours? I should probably start timing myself

I’m really happy i’m getting better at digital painting but it has made me a little sad that I do so little traditional art now. that being said this is soo much easier to post getting a photo of the VVitch poster was so difficult and it would not scan correctly!!

all art is under #my art ,click for better quality !

[moonshynecybin]

marc needs to run him over like actually

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Thinking about just making a significantly hornier dating profile on one of the apps and seeing what sort of hits I get and/or if there's any sort of uptick in potential dates. Like, using only photos taken for my OF- tamer ones that won't get my dating profile deleted, of course. And just writing something like "Long term connection would be great, but I'm also just tired of wasting my thirties not getting laid. If we click after a good date then I will definitely give you head."

[quarks-pussy]

So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.

Julian Bashir.

From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.

This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."

This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.

Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.

Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.

[khruschevshoe]

"You too, huh?": An Unhinged Ten/Jack/Martha Meta

Alright, so, Ten/Martha/Jack's dynamic has been rotating rent free in my brain all week. You have two people- Jack and Martha- who both admit to fancying a man who could never love them back, a man who is so embroiled in grief over a woman that Jack clearly once loved as much as he loved the Doctor, a man who showed them the stars and showed them the horrors of the universe. A man who directly leads to them both becoming greater and worse than they ever were before, a man who took their lives and twisted himself inside of every strand of them forever, a man who offered them a hand and kissed them and became the best and the worst thing to ever happen to them.

And it's not just the Year That Never Was- it's more than that. It's Jack dying for the Doctor and then being cursed with eternity and yet despite a century of being tortured by Torchwood/waiting for the Doctor, he never lost hope in the Doctor being able to fix him. It's Martha going through some of the worst shit any companion has had to in a single season (the racism/hopelessness she had to face in Human Nature/Family of Blood, being stuck in the 1960s for months and having to get a job with no guarantee that she'd ever make it out, having to walk the dystopian earth for a year with the weight of the literal world on her shoulders, nearly burning to death due to a living sun, taking on the psychological weight of keeping the Doctor steady- hell, the Doctor's purposeful ignorance of her feelings isn't even at the top of the list and yet it still did damage) and yet managing to find the strength to respect herself and leave.

It's the way that both of them have their images of the Doctor irreversibly cracked at the end of the Year That Never Was. They still believe in the Doctor, would still go to the ends of the earth for the planet, as we see in Journey's End, but they don't quite fancy him anymore. They can't. Jack was tortured and killed over and over again by the Master for a year straight and Martha was forced to walk the burning earth for a year straight while her family was tortured and yet at the end of it all, the Doctor didn't comfort them. He cradled the Master in his arms and begged him to regenerate and sobbed when he didn't.

It's the way that Martha and Jack are the ones to make the initial threats to Davros in Journey's End. (Yes, Sarah Jane helped with the warp star, and made threats of her own, but Martha and Jack opened up the comms. They looked the creator of the Daleks in the eyes and said do you hear me?) Martha and Jack walk off at the end of Journey's End holding hands, because they're so similar, at the end of the day, because they understand each other, because "you too, huh?"

But it's also the Doctor looking at them both and seeing Jack and seeing something wrong with the man he once loved (don't tell me that Nine didn't reciprocate his feelings, I've got a whole post on the Rose/Jack/Nine dynamic) that he can't ignore, because he's the last one of his species and he's the only one left to pay attention to the laws of time. It's the Doctor needing a doctor of his own, someone with a better grasp on themselves than he does, and completely ignoring the damage that it does to her to keep him steady.

It's the Doctor being unable to love Jack while Jack over and over again coming to his call. It's the Doctor coming the second that Martha calls him in the Sontaran Stratagem and maybe, just maybe, realizing that he got something wrong. It's about Martha being a doctor being a soldier and the Doctor being a soldier who never wanted to be a soldier but won't admit that he's a soldier and Jack being a con-man who was fixed and broken by a doctor and so became a soldier to find his Doctor.

(It's about the fact that after Journey's End happened and the Doctor lost Donna and Rose, he really should have realized what he could have had waiting for him. Maybe gone back and groveled and maybe gotten slapped and then gotten hugged. Or kissed. Or they slept together, if that's your jam.)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.

[hauntingblue]

making a collection

making another collection with a threatening aura

[bedforddanes75]

they should allow me full access to every stimulant so i can do them all at once then die

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

[the-lady-hestia]

so in the past month-ish there have been two separate instances where a friend of mine has had reason to show me that the fandoms I enjoy (namely star trek and a niche book series I'm obsessed with) have thriving fanfiction communities (context: While I did already know this about Star Trek, I have never read fanfiction or dove into that corner of the internet b/c I find it a little intimidating lol)

Anyways I've been thinking about Star Trek Voyager a little too much, specifically the ending and how unsatisfying it is.

There's a little voice in the back of my head telling me to spend what little free time I have writing something from the perspective of various crewmembers like a month after the Voyager gets back to Earth. It would inevitably be bad and I know this but like what iffffff?????????

[dirtyoldmanhole]

.

[tetedurfarm]

gave the goats and sheep some calming paste, got meds into the young rabbits, stuffed everyone's feeders with hay, and pulled every rabbit under five months old into the shop. done all we can. now we just have to ride it out.

[thelaurenshippen]

the thing about the hbo television show "barry" is that you do not watch "barry", "barry" is something that happen to you, usually in the form of bill hader taking a hefty cast iron pan directly to your frontal lobe and you thanking him for it

[many-gay-magpies]

TEEN WOLF SEASON 3B WATCH YIPPEE !!

[djsangos]

//y'all i think i saw my fucking middle school boyfriend who dumped me over text after a week at the fucking HEB?????