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luvfy0dor · 8 months

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"You Are In Love!!" - BSD x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Fyodor Dostoevsky, Chuuya Nakahara ♡

Warnings; none pure fluff and sweetness

Description; Drabbles (I actively attempted to make these shorter than the timeless ones but I clearly have a yapping issue) of Chuuya and Fyodor based off of You Are in Love by Taylor Swift in honor of 1989 (Taylor's Version) today. This one had a lot of cute little prompts for small scenarios so I thought I'd take the opportunity.

A/n; yawning is contagious you guys I proved it because I wrote about yawning and then I yawned, also I have so many 1989 TV thoughts now so im gonna write them while writing asks at the same time, so im sorry for those of you guys who dont like Taylor, that's totally valid. Hmu w/ music themed requests if you wanna see a different song.

Fyodor Dostoevsky ੈ♡

“Coffee at midnight”

You sat on your boyfriends lap, facing him while he typed away, working on God knows what. You didn't ask what it was at that very moment, too sleepy care. You breathed in his scent, your arms tightly hugged around his torso. Any time he took a break from typing, his left hand immediately went to stroke your back, his lips moving and ghosts of whispers slip out from between them as he read over the text. You nuzzled into his neck, pressing sweet, chaste kisses to his pale skin every now and again.

You were playing with his hair softly when you could hear him yawn. "My dear, do you mind getting up? I'm going to make some coffee for myself." He murmurs, his head turned a bit in your direction. You nod and get off of his lap, standing up and rubbing your eyes a bit. "Yeah, sure, but coffee? It's midnight.." now you were yawning. He nods, standing up and heading straight for the kitchen. You trail behind him, drowsily following along. Luckily, the lights of your kitchen were dimmed rather than being at full brightness. He stood against the counter, starting the coffee machine and grabbing a mug for himself while the drink started to brew.

"Do you want some too?" He asks, noticing your stare before you yourself even could. You shook your head, holding your upper arms for the warmth that Fyodors body had previously been providing to you. You yawned again, making him smile ever so slightly in amusement. You leaned against the counter with your eyes closed, almost starting to nod off. The two minutes it took to make the coffee passed within the blink of an eye, you being woken from your sleepy and dazed state by Fyodors thumb caressing your cheekbone.

"Moya Lyubov, you don't have to stay up with me. I appreciate it, but if you're tired you should sleep." He softly murmurs while looking into your eyes. "No, no, it's fine, don't worry." You say, standing straight up and walking with him back to his little work space. He sat right back down on the chair, opening his arms for you to crawl right back onto him. He sipped on his coffee, and the aroma made you regret your decision to reject a cup for yourself. You moved your head to rest on his shoulder sideways instead of upright so you could get a better look at him while he drank from the ceramic mug.

He glanced at you while he did so, sighing into the glass and handing it to you without even needing to hear anything from your mouth; he just knew you that well. Perhaps it was your predictably, or maybe it was his attentive habits regarding your body language and every expression. You took the mug, bringing it to your lips and drinking a small amount, making sure that you didn't chug it and leave nothing for him. You handed him back the glass, wiping your top lip off before you pressed a kiss to his cheek, making him smile a bit.

"So much for not wanting any, hm?" He teases quietly, leaning his head against yours. You just roll your eyes at him. "Well I changed my mind a little." You mumbled, your hands rubbing up and down his sides gently. Your eyelids felt as if they had weights attached to them as it became harder to keep yourself awake. Fyodor had taken notice of this numerous times, before getting coffee, while getting coffee, and even after you had taken a sip. If the caffeine had any effect on you it clearly was not immediate.

"That's alright, I don't mind sharing it with you." He says quietly. You hum in response as a thank you while you drifted off into a calming sleep. Fyodor noticed you fully knocked out after about a minute or two. He smiled and kissed the side of your head, whispering to you. "Goodnight, my love, sleep well."

Chuuya Nakahara ੈ♡

“You kiss on sidewalks”

You looked up at the stars in the night sky while you walked down the streets of Yokohama with Chuuya. Late night walks were never something you found enjoyment in before Chuuyas presence in your life. Not only did Chuuyas ability and profession absolutely make you feel safer, but he was someone to talk to while you walked. It wasn't silent, but filled with conversation about your day, passions, etc.

His hand was holding yours while he listened to you rambled on about a book you had started reading, explaining the plot to him. Chuuya wasn't an absent listener, he didn't just nod and "ohhh" every now and again, he actually asked questions about it and commented on the actions of characters and what not. Chuuya didn't ramble much, but when he did you offered the same undivided attention. You loved watching his eyes light up whenever he talked about something that excited him; he specifically got riled up about his missions, explaining what he did with as much detail as he was allowed to.

And that's what was happening. You walked along the path, holding your boyfriends hand while he told you about how he acquired a new small cut on his cheek. You asked him about it and he got so worked up, it was almost funny. The amount of slandering he put on the name of some random guy he had to fight was a little much, but it was his opponent and enemy, so you didn't comment on it. His other hand was moving around very quickly while he passionately told you about the encounter, annunciating every word and speaking clearly.

"He was so annoying. Obviously I dealt with him real fast, but now I've got this cut on my face." He says while rolling his eyes. You snicker a little. "Oh yeah, I totally get that. He sounds like he sucks, but I think the scar is kinda hot, to be honest." You laugh, standing in front of him and brushing his bangs out of his eyes. He scoffs and places his hands on your arms. "Ofcourse you do, doll, you're...well, you're you." He says, rubbing your shoulders a bit.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Your eyebrows were furrowed as you stare him down. "I know you like the back of my hand, I knew you'd find somethin' like that attractive. It's like, your thing." He says, the street light you stood under casting a yellow glow overtop the two of you. The shadows that projected onto his skin because of the angle hid the blush on his face relatively well. "I pay attention to you, ya know.." he murmurs, making you grin and gently cup his face.

"Oh I know you pay attention to me; everytime you bring up some random small detail about me it makes my heart flutter." You say, looking down at his lips through the black veil of darkness on his face. "I'm glad I can make ya swoon, darlin'.." he mutters, both of you leaning into each other, your hands interlocked and giving each other soft squeezes as your lips gently collided with one another. You pulled away after a couple seconds, but you felt yourself pulled right back in as the two of you softly giggled with one another, his gloved hand pressed against the back of your neck.

Your lips moved against his, soft hums of approval coming from his throat. When you did finally part, the both of you looked into the other's eyes for a second before breaking the stare and grinning. "I love you a whole lot, y'know?" He says, sliding his arm around your waist. You did the same and nodded. "I know, I know. I love you a whole lot, too." You say, kissing his cheek while the two of you walk home to retreat for the night.

A/n; I have a couple of things to say; 1- this is not a theme switch, it's only blue and white for 1989 TV, 2- I know these aren't the most obviously related to the song, but I felt inspired. 3- I was gonna do more characters for this but I don't wanna in this moment, would y'all wanna see that?

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chasedbyatlantic · 4 months

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puppy love, joel miller

summary: IN WHICH — when joel is upset, you do anything and everything in your power to cheer him up. this means showing him your new guitar skills, while singing one of his favourite songs to him.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson!joel, implied relationship, gender!neutral reader, sub!joel, lovey dovey joel and reader, ellie being a little shit once again, swearing, literally all fluff because i can, brief mention of death/killing (very very brief! shows up like two times), bad descs of guitar playing since i haven't played in like 10 years LOL, lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.3k

a/n: my second fic!!!!! i sort of love this one?? also tysm for the love on my first! looking for moots too! hmu if you wanna <3 make sure to reblog, like, and comment on this plz and thank u! if u have any requests for a fic lmk (dms r open for it!) more to come soon xoxo

—

God only knew what time it was. You had an infuriating day at work, training all new people on how to successfully patrol Jackson's surrounding areas, and how to not- well, die. This was always your least favourite time of year, to say the least. All the "fresh meat" had been selected to be potential patrolers, and they had to go through extensive training to make sure they were one hundred percent qualified and committed to the role.

Both you and Joel were practically put into this role by Maria (Joel's sister-in-law), not by force, but more of a "you would be doing the entire Jackson community a whole favour if you did this" sort of thing - guilt, most would say. Maria had even tried to get Ellie to help train people, but Joel almost killed Maria by his glare when she brought it up to the two of you.

Even though you hated this role in the community, you think Joel liked it. He had a bit too much fun getting to put kids in check, and humble them big time. At least it was only for a few months, you had kept reminding yourself. The few months were from early June until late September, though - the hottest months of the year. The before dawn wake up calls, and after dusk ends would only last for another month, since it was sometime in the middle of August right now.

After getting home extremely late, around an hour or two ago, you had already taken a shower and changed into more comfortable clothes before you went and sat on your back porch. Even though you didn't want to be outside anymore than you had to right now, Ellie had one of her friends over and wanted privacy. You love the kid, so you gave her the privacy (not much privacy, only hanging out in the living room of your home).

You were able to tell Joel was finished with his shower when you heard high-pitched and muffled screams coming from inside the house behind you. Just as you went to turn your head around to see what exactly the commotion he was causing inside was, the familiar figure of Joel Miller left the glass door, with the door slamming shut behind him. "Everything alright in there, cowboy?" You hummed to him as the nickname rolled off your tongue, scooching over on the step you were seated on to give the man some room to sit.

"Fucking Christ," He started as he took a seat next to you, "they were paintin' their nails, or somethin'. Said I wasn't allowed anywhere near 'em in that room, or they'd be off with me." Joel had grunted once he was completely lowered on this step, his bones weren't as good as they used to he would say.

This earned a snort from you, "No way- Ellie's paintin' her nails? Your girl's really growin' up, Joel." You couldn't believe she was doing this, to be honest. Ellie had stated to both you and Joel that she was not girly whatsoever, and would rather turn into a clicker than wear a dress or do her makeup. After you had said this to Joel, he looked to be upset. He didn't want Ellie growing up, his girl growing up. "Joking, joking."

He took his eyes off of you, and moved them forward. "Nah, you're right," Joel had sighed, "she won't need me soon. Soon she'll-" He had trailed off, quiet now. Fuck- why did you bring this up, you had thought to yourself. You could only place your hand on Joel's thigh. "She'll always need you, Joel. Shit, she'd be death without ya'. Lighten up a bit baby, she ain't going anywhere."

Joel knew it was true, he was just having a really emotional moment right now, it was most likely from being up since five in the morning. "Dunno 'bout that." He had only muttered, placing his hand over yours. You tsked, putting some pressure on his thigh as you got up in an awkward fashion. "Where are ya'-"

"I have an idea, hold on." You had cut him off, making your way back inside. You were engulfed by the sounds of laughter as soon as you stepped foot through the patio door. You were silent about it, not wanting to bother Ellie or her friend. You had silently moved to the house's spare room, where the three of you put anything and everything. You had grabbed what you were looking for almost instantly (it had a distinct shape) and made your way back outside.

Joel turned his head once you had stepped outside again, his eyes moving down to what you had in hand, then gaining eye contact. "Is that my-" he couldn't even finish his sentence. You grinned as you pulled the lawn chair over, placing the case on the floor and unlatching the sides. You had picked up the piece of polished wood and string and placed the curved part on top of your knee.

"Okay so," You had started as Joel turned around to give you his full attention. He looked handsome like this- more than handsome, actually. The way the dull light from inside of your home highlighted his face almost perfectly- ugh, you couldn't get enough of it. "From all of the, sort of, free time I have had in the last few months, I decided to sort of, really badly, learn a few songs?" It came out more of a question than it did a statement, and Joel took notice of this with only a laugh in return.

"Anything ya' play'll be gorgeous, baby." Joel could only look at you in complete awe; if he didn't love you one hundred percent before, he sure as fuck did now. Instead of sitting down, Joel stood up and was now leaning against the wooden beam behind him. He towered over you, only inches away- this got you on even more of an edge.

"Okay, please don't kill me if I don't get the chords right- I don't think I read the notes properly." You awkwardly chuckle as you avoid eye contact with Joel at the current second. Joel knows a guitar from the inside-out, but even if you messed up, he would not care at all. You took the time to learn his favourite instrument, and this only put him in an ecstatic mood.

"Pick a number one through three." You told him as you move your left hand up the neck, and your right arm drooped over the body. "Three." He replied almost too fast, he was just so eager to hear you play.

You brought your fingers through the strings before you started, making sure it was in tune. You glance up towards Joel, "It's in tune, right?" You ask him. A chuckle escapes his lips as he nods, "Don't worry baby, it is."

You (unfortunately) tore your eyes apart from Joel's as you focus on both your left and right hands now. Multitasking was hard for you before this, so you struggled a bit to play. You inhale slowly, placing your fingers on the top three strings on the fingerboard. You strum from both left and right, meeting to the middle string as the first chord.

"And they called it puppy love," your voice was quiet and sounded more hoarse than relaxed, which you mentally slapped yourself for. Before hounding yourself about it even more, you had to focus on changing the chords another four times as you repeated the strumming rhythm.

"Oh, I guess they'll never know," There wasn't any moving, or talking, or breathing (from the sound of it) from Joel. He was just- mesmerized, mesmerized by what you had been doing with your fingers, with your voice, with everything. If the world hadn't gone to shit, you most definitely would've had a big breakout as an up-and-coming music star, he had thought to himself.

"How a young heart, how it really feels, and why I love him so," You had changed the lyrics, and Joel noticed - you changed "her" to "him". Honestly, Joel only noticed because it was you singing it (and he loved you deeply), and that whenever he would spend time with his grandfather when he was little, this song was played a million times. Had he ever told you about his love for this song, or was it just a coincidence?

"And they called it puppy love," You repeated yourself, emotion starting to seep through your voice. "Just because we're seventeen," If you weren't so lost in your train of thought, of remembering where to put your fingers for the next chord, and the correct strumming pattern, and the lyrics, you would've noticed Ellie and her friend silently sneak out onto the porch.

"Tell them all, it isn't fair. To take away my only dream," You had paused strumming for a single second, it sounded like a dramatic pause in Joel's eyes. You had just completely lost your breath from a combination of singing and nerves. After the (painfully long, you thought) second was over, you started once again.

"I cry each night, my tears for you. My tears are all in vain," The chord pattern you had going changed for the last time, and your strums started to sound quiet, your voice dying out while all of this happened. Joel took notice of this, standing up completely now (from leaning against the wooden beam behind). The two girls behind you were still so silent, almost just as mesmerized with you as Joel was.

"Oh, I'll hope and pray, that maybe someday," You inhale as your thumb starts to brush down from the highest string to the lowest string, "You'll be back in my arms once again." A loud exhale falls through your mouth, followed by the two girls bursting out with clapping and compliments. This does nothing short than scaring the absolute fuck out of you, causing the guitar to slip out of your grip.

Luckily, with Joel being completely focused on you, he had came to the rescue and snatched the guitar before it had fell on the ground. You shoot him an apologetic look before turning around to the two girls, he just looks at you with understanding eyes. "You guys almost made me drop the fuckin' thing- how long were you there for?" You question them, eyeing between the two. Their clapping hands were now silent and playing with their thumbs, almost nervous from you.

"Ya' know what, it doesn't matter. Inside- go, it's bedtime." You had scolded the two, as if you were their mother. Ellie's friend had opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Ellie gripping her hand and yanking her back inside. You start to turn back to face Joel, after snapping. "Fuck, we can never have a minute of fuckin' sile-".

He cut you off by smashing his lips into yours. He was acting as if though he was touch deprived, if he hadn't seen you for years. You two just move in sync for what feels like forever (not that you're complaining, though), before you pull away.

Before you have the chance to say anything, Joel brings you to your feet and sets the guitar down on your previous seat, embracing you in a tight hug. You can feel his rough facial hair on the exposed parts of your neck as he exhales, you definitely don't mind. "I needed that more than anythin', darlin'." He admits to you.

"Anythin' for my favourite person." You remind him, bringing your hand to the back of his head. It was true, you would do anything for this man. You would steal for him, kill for him, anything he wanted.

The sun was threatening to peak through the moonlit skies, you knew you two had to be up and about soon enough, but that didn't stop you. You were laying in bed together, tangled between each other's arms. The covers were kicked off your shared bed, and a small breeze cruising the room every so often from the open windows.

"I think it's true." You had broken the comfortable silence that filled the room. Joel didn't move from his position (half of his body on you), just hummed with his eyes staying shut. "What is, baby?"

"The song- fuck, I don't want to sound cheesy or nothin'." You admit, before continuing, "You just, ya' know, I love you's all." You send a small squeeze through Joel's hand, that vibrates his entire body. This results in him dropping your hand and lifting it to wrap around your chest. "Nothin' cheesy 'bout that." His voice was even more hoarse than when you had lost your fears of singing in front of someone, in front of Joel. You now went silent, just loving his embrace.

"Darlin'?" He now broke the silence after a minute or two, eyes still shut and not moving whatsoever. You gave a hum in response, just like he did earlier. "Ya' said to pick a number between three before ya' played earlier, were the other options real?" This was your favourite, vulnerable Joel.

"It was, and before you ask-" you pause, bringing your hand to the back of his head, just like earlier. You ran your fingers through his restless curls. "-I'll play the rest for ya'. Promise." Joel had obviously liked this answer, as he responded with a sloppy kiss to your collarbone.

You would learn every lyric in the world, every chord in the world, every strum in the world, just for Joel to be happy. You didn't want anything more in this world than for him to be happy. If he was happy, so were you.

puppy love, paul anka

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atalentedwriter · 1 year

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— love is a million things

paring: e-1610!miles x blackfemspidey!reader (both spider people)

a/n: i don't speak spanish i'm sorry but i used the most accurate translator i could find. if i made ANY mistakes, feel free to hmu and tell me i will certainly change em. gif from @luvjunie

sypnosis: in which the reader is in love with miles but there's really no way of winning if in his eyes, you'll always be just a friend (he loves gwen not you) (ノへ￣、)

wordcount: 1,870 words and 9,904 characters

genre: fluff, teenagers, romance, unrequited love, angst, slightly suggestive but not really

translations: "no lo parece" - "doesn't seem like it." "dime ya las pistas." - "just tell me the hints already. "dime otra pista." - "tell me another hint."

"I'm just saying, love is a million things. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it doesn't." You say as you sit on Miles' bed, the male looking at you from his desk, turning around in his chair and shrugging you off.

"Yeah right, and have you ever experienced love to know what that feels like?" Miles asked and you paused, hesitant with your response before you bite your lower lip and nod.

"I'd like to think I have, yes." You say, looking down at your feet and then up at Miles who looked at you intently. Wow, he had really beautiful eyes.

"Oh yeah? And did it feel good or bad?" He questions as a small frown forms on your lips. "Sometimes...a lot of times..it...- it differs okay, it differs but that's besides my point-" you say and he laughs, your heart fluttering at the sound, despite knowing him since the first day he walked into Brooklyn Visions, his laugh and voice just did something to you.

"How'd that end out for you? The guy didn't like you back or what?" He says, turning around to his desk as you grab his pillow and hold it up to your stomach. How are you gonna describe him to him without him figuring it out?

"Well, let's just say, there was 3 of us in the situationship.." you start off and you notice his ears perk up. "Oh?" He asks. You roll your eyes. "Not in that way silly, it wasn't poly or anything it was more of an unrequited love situation."

He picks up his sketchbook and turns back to you. "That must suck." He said, looking up at you. "It did.." "How did you get over it." You frown. "I didn't, it's hard to stop loving someone when everything they do makes you fall back in love with them."

He laughed again and shook his head. "That's so corny." He rolled his chair over to where you sat on the bed and open his sketchbook, placing it in your lap.

"Another drawing...of Gwen..." you seethe.

"Yup, I really think I got her suit down but I'm just relying on memory here." He says as you bite your cheek. "I mean I'd like to think she still kept her hair, I mean it's a bit weird to walk around with someone's handprint in your head- gosh I still get ptsd from that da-"

"Why do you bother liking her?" You blurt out.

uh-oh. word vomit.

"What?" Miles asks, taken aback as he looks at you.

"I mean, she's in a completely different universe Miles, it's never gonna happen." You say, your words coming out a bit ruder than you had wanted it to.

He frowns and looks at you. "Well damn (y/n), sorry. I can't control what I feel." Miles said as he picks up his notebook from your lap and rolls away back to his desk, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his face.

"oh my gosh.." You mutter out, running your hand over your face before you look up at him. "Miles I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what did you mean it like?" Miles asks, not bothering to look at you.

"I just- don't want to see you get hurt. You're my best friend okay and...I care a lot about your feelings and...-"

"No lo parece." He grumbled under his breath, and thanks to your enhanced senses, you picked it up.

"Excuse me?" You say, as a hothead, you were already getting defensive but you sighed and unballed your fists. That's why you liked Miles, why you needed him around, he calmed you down without you both even knowing it. "It's just....sigh..interdimensional love never works out, I've seen it in the movies-"

"Pfft-"

The small muffled laughter catches your attention. "What?" You question as you look up to see Miles staring at you, hand over his mouth. "Are you laughing at me? I'm pouring my heart out to you man."

"Sorry, I just can't take you seriously everytime you talk about movies like that one time we got stuck in that elevator-" he starts.

"I thought we were gonna run out of air!" You counter, whining as he starts laughing at you. And just like that, you were back to your regular state, neither of you guys can be mad at each other for long.

You stayed silent for a few seconds before you look up at him to find the boy already staring at you and it sends butterflies down your stomach. "Hey Miles..?"

"Hm?" He hums, rolling his chair to get closer to you until he was sitting right next to the edge of the bed where you currently were.

"Um, what would you do if you loved someone- in this dimension-"

"Ouch.." the boy playfully said and you rolled your eyes.

"But they loved someone else.." you finish.

"First of all love is a very strong word." Miles starts off and narrows his eyes at you, causing you to straighten your back at his gaze.

"Well in this context it's accurate, like I'd do crazy things for this man...like a lot-" you start, and Miles rolls his eyes.

"I don't need to know what you'd do twin." Miles jokes as you smile before he crosses his arms. "Does the guy know you like him?"

You look at Miles and shake your head. "No."

"Have you given him hints you like him?" Miles raises an eyebrow and you bite your lip.

"What kind of hints?"

"Touching."

"Define that, cause we're touching right now." You motion to how his arm that was on his knee was barely grazing your leg. He looked down and then looked up before breaking out into a grin.

"If that's your definition of touching then you're super touch starved." Miles laughed as you sigh.

"Dime ya las pistas." You say, agitated.

"Okay okay, so touching, just subtle touches...like...this." Miles looks down and moves his hand and places it on your lap, using his thumb to work on rubbing small circles on your inner thigh, rubbing his hand slowly but subtly on your lap before looking up and smiling at you. He was flashing that oh-so-beautiful smile at you.

The fact that you were wearing shorts made it easier to feel his warm skin on yours. The sparks that this simple movement sent coursing through you made you wonder if he was using his zap on you.

"See, you're blushing." He says, cooing at you jokingly.

"Am not!" You counter as you snap out of your trance, looking at him. Had it not been for the melanin on your face right now, you would've been red like a tomato. Lord, this man knew just how to touch and rub your skin. (pause, what are you thinking about? 🤨) Your cheeks were hot.

"Or like this." He moved his hand from your lap and you almost whined at the absence of his hand on you but then he moved his hand to your arm, caressing it softly.

Your eyes followed his hands, almost in a trance-like state before you look back up at the boy.

"Now that's just one tactic.." he said as he started talking but you couldn't hear a damn word.

His beautiful face so close to your skin and the fact that he still hadn't stopped caressing your arm, ugh. You hated this, he was so lovable, it was hard to just let go of these feelings especially since this man never gave you an ick! His dorky nature fit him and was cute on him and his teenage awkwardness was even more adorable. And he's so attractive when he's spiderman- hold up, what was he saying again?

"...kiss me." He spoke out, ending his sentence.

"What?!" You say, shocked, where you daydreaming or something?

"What?" He asked as he raised an eyebrow. "Were you even listening to what I was saying?"

"Somethin' kissin' or somethin' i don't know.." You mutter out as he laughs.

"You're unbelievable. I meant you have to be bold with your actions but not too bold and you have word vomits a lot so don't just like tell him to kiss you or something like that." He said as it dawned on you.

"Oh, that made much more sense."

He bit his lip and smiled causing your eyes to flicker down to his lips that looked just too kissable. Damn. You looked back up to find him already looking at you with an unreadable expression on his face, just now realizing how close he was.

"What..?" You say, your voice coming out breathless. He looked down, shaking his head before looking up at you with a smile, your eyes meeting.

"...You're like...the weirdest girl I've ever met." He spoke out which caused you to put your hands on his chest and push him back.

"Whatever!" You say, snapping out of the trance he had pulled you into once again.

He chuckled and moved back but only momentarily before leaning back in again, confusing you. He put both arms at the side of you, resting it on the bed as he leaned in closer.

You thought he was going to kiss you, it looked like it and so you tensed up unknowingly to which the boy raised an eyebrow, cracking another one of his contagious smiles.

"Relax, I'm just getting my markers." He moves up his right hand to show the markers he already had in his grip, he was just leaning in for them, you felt stupid. "I'm not gonna hit you or anything." He says, leaning back into his chair as you sighed.

"Dime otra pista." You say. You can't belive Miles was teaching you how to rizz him up.

"Well another one would be like teasing or like going out of your way to talk to them and eye contact is a big one." Miles concluded, resting his leg horizontally on his other one.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed with Miles looking at you and you just looking at your lap.

"Miles...?" You asked as he hummed again in response. "Do you ever plan on leaving Brooklyn? And have you ever thought about what would happen if you do? Like with spiderman and stuff?" You ask as he takes a moment to consider your question.

"Well.." He pauses. "I'm not sure, I do know I want to study outside Brooklyn for university that's for sure, I mean there's people out there that can-"

"Teach me stuff I want to know." You finish his sentence for him and he pauses and looks at you.

"Freaky." He says with a grin as you giggle. "But it'll all fall into place, I'm sure, I don't want to worry about the future too much yknow?"

"Yeah.." you mutter and look at him again.

"What about you?" He asks, tilting his head to the side.

"I'll go wherever you go Miles.." You reply subconsciously as you smile at him.

"Okay you've gotta get better life goals for yourself." Miles jokes as you two fall into a heap of giggles, leaving you with a new-found goal already.

You were going to confess to this man.

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dreaming-medium · 5 months

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Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Thank you for the tag @hibiscus-catcher !! I love posts like this <3 <3

Name(s): Amanda, but I go by Sunny :)

Pronouns: She/Her

Star sign: Taurus Sun, Capricorn Moon, Cancer Rising

#of Siblings & Fun Facts About Them (if you have any): I have one older sister! She is a cosmetics chemist and we're planning on getting matching hip tattoos where I get the chemical compound for serotonin and she gets an equation that graphs to a heart. (I studied math, she studied chemistry)

# of pets: I have no pets :(( it bugs me so much I want a dog so bad

Fandoms: I have a few! Right now I'm most active in the Stay Kids fandom, but I also am semi-active in the Lord of the Rings fandom, Skyrim, MHA, Attack On Titan, and Stardew Valley fandoms!

Favorite Color: Mint green! Like so specifically #70f59d

Favorite Song: This changes soooo often for me. But Constellations by the Oh Hellos is my all time favorite song followed closely by Way Out There by Lord Huron. For Stray Kids, my favorite song is Haven :)

Favorite Author: V.E. Schwab! If you haven't read the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue I HIGHLY recommend! The Midnight Library by Matt Haig was also extremely good! I'm a huge book person if you ever need any recs hmu <3

Hobbies: LOVE reading and writing! I love playing video games as much as I love watching people play them! I'm also a huge gym rat

Favorite Holiday: I'm a Christmas girlie, it means a lot to me family wise. But, it's closely followed by Valentine's Day :) I just really love the happiness that surrounds the holiday.

Do You Have Any Partner(s)?: Right now, I am very single lol But I'm at a point in my life where I want to establish my life/career before deciding to commit myself to another person. My previous relationship left me super messed up and I had to figure out who I was again which was not fun. So, when I do get into another relationship, I want to make sure I am confident about who I am as a person.

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: Oooh, I have a few fun facts. I am a cosplayer! I've been cosplaying since 6th grade (so about 12 or so years) I can lick my elbow! I had a tik tok BLOW UP in the Stray Kids tag, it's sitting at about 250k right now lmfao most of you probably saw it not knowing it was me. I am a v tall girl! I'm about 5'11" (180 cm) :)

No specific tags! Anyone who would like to do this is welcome :) You can even tag me so I can read yours <3

I get nervous about tagging people lololol

#sunny quizzes

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lgcxhaeun · 6 months

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i'm *mariah carey high note* BAAAACK

i decided to pick up haeun again mostly because i miss writing with all of you and the plots we would make. i miss making time to write in general! i missed the sense of community and lowkey feel the fomo whenever you guys tweet on ac days lmao!!

you can reach me through tumblr dms or through my twitter @/hiraihomos (that still hasn't changed) or you can catch me on discord! (but pls dm to ask for that <3)

i would love to retain any and all rls haeun had prior to dropping. just feel free to hmu and we can get to plotting once more! that goes for people that i was plotting with but never got to get anything up too!!! anyways read below to understand what haeun has been up to in the couple of months since i dropped her!

TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION MENTION

haeun feel into a deep depression the last few months. we're talking bad. wasn't taking care of herself, wasn't motivated, the works

she was declining to participate in any and all lgc events that weren't mandatory as she literally couldn't bring herself to do anything.

anything that was mandatory, she wasn't putting a lot of effort in because she couldn't. she's gotten a few talkings because of it

everyone in lgc (meaning instructors, staffers, everyone) could see that her light was essentially going out. she really concerned everyone for a hot minute

she's currently on the mend! very introverted and anxious now but she's not trying to push herself to be overly bubbly as she used to. she's focusing on being okay for the most part

she's still dating hyunhee that's the light of her life

haeun currently doesn't know if she wants to be an idol anymore but she doesn't feel adequate enough to be an actress and not pretty enough to be a model. she feels lost (she needs guidance!!)

i personally would love some threads on muse's reactions to haeun slowly crawling out of the depression (if you can stomach it, i know it's a tough topic for a lot of us <3)

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soulsuckrrs · 1 month

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open to: m/f/anyone plot: y/m & George have been seeing each other for a while (maybe like a summer romance) & y/m is moving/going back home or their parents/management agency has told them to break up with/end things with George. Just gimme angst tbh, maybe like a rich & socially elite person falling for the goofy regular guy. idk hmu if you'd like to plot! connection: someone he's been dating/romantic with.

"Is that what you want?" George asked honestly, stopping the pacing he'd been doing as an anxious habit after he had confronted them on why they were acting strange. His blue eyes finally shifted up to meet the other's gaze, a sort of panicked sadness there within his warm eyes as they searched the other's features for answers to the many unasked questions that overwhelmed his brain and made his pulse pick up in pace. If this was the end of them, George didn't want it to be like this, he didn't want to remember their last moments together as something terrible and sad but he couldn't help the way his chest constricted and ached.

George shifted again and shook his head, huffing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "You have to be honest with me, if that's what you want, then I'll leave," he paused, unable to show anything but his desire to not leave but George wasn't one to force things no matter how much he wanted them. If this was where things ended then that was what would happen, he felt no amount of pleading and begging would change people's minds, least of all when they'd been made up but he'd be damned if he didn't at least try. "-- but if you feel even a fraction of what I feel for you..." the blonde shook his head again as if he were in utter disbelief they'd actually want this, leaving the rest of his sentence unsaid as he continued to search their features with his warm and sad gaze.

#indie rp #indie bi rp #indie oc rp #indie supernatural rp #indie spn rp #indie siren rp #indie witch rp #indie open starter #indie roleplay #indie crime rp #indie smut rp #open starter #| int. George |

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daz4i · 8 months

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feel free not to answer this/respond in a dm, but what does kinning look like for you?

hmmmm it's more of an identity thing for me!! like seeing a character and feeling a connection to them beyond just loving or relating to them (hell sometimes I'll find a character i relate to even more in the same source and not kin them. best examples i can think of are nikolai and ranpo)

that being said, i often get dreams as said characters, sometimes metaphorical (as in, elements from their life mixed with my own), and sometimes more literal (like straight up as them + with other people from their life + in places they've been to). it's usually as whatever shift I'm in which is like. the one i feel most connected to during that time (usually changing with my special interest), sometimes in a way that kinda affects my behavior tbh ajdkkglhj

(i dunno if you wanted to hear that too but either way jic lemme elaborate on) when it comes to otherkin i. can't really explain it tbh. again it's more of an identity thing. it almost feels like dysphoria at times tbh. actually no scratch that it DOES feel like dysphoria in a way that's sometimes even more debilitating than my gender dysphoria fr. lots of longing for a different body or abilities or even a different type of brain/emotions tbh. feeling safer when i can express it outwardly in some way. feeling a sense of kinship (ha) when seeing like content abt it or characters that fit it and such. more or less what you'd expect i think 🤔🤔🤔🤔

hehehe i dunno if that's what you meant but this is the best way i can put it 🙏 if you wanna know anything else or like about a more specific aspect of it hmu! 🫡

#gonna tag this as #kinnie on main #apologies for the late reply i saw the msg then forgot to answer for a few hours ajdkflgl 😔🙏

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veilder · 1 year

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Hey, you don't have to post this ask or anything, but I'm trinityonline on ao3 (the person who keeps crying over 'of little loves and orange slices') and I wanted to let you know that your work directly inspired me to write this: Cast & Sugar https://archiveofourown.org/works/46601668

I generally struggle with writing flash fiction, so I copied the way you structured and paced your story. (I quite literally sat there and read paragraph by paragraph what sort of content it had and translated it over to my story lmao.) I studied some of the methods you used to describe things which really brought out the emotion I felt when I read orange slices. I wanted to duplicate the aesthetic your piece had, however, I found that because it was written in Hank's voice, it didn't have such an impact when I changed the voice to PM700. Anyway I'm typing a lot bc I'm nervous sending you this I hope you don't hate me for using your work as a guide HAHAHA

But yeah, you don't have to read my thing, I just wanted to let you know that it exists and that you directly helped me structure it <3

(And if you do read my thing and don't know about my hype about PM700, check out my Tumblr feed which has a bunch of screenshots and stuff <3) (but seriously no pressure) (not me toggling Ask anonymously on and off lmaooo)

Hello!!! Omg, this is the best ask I've ever gotten, absolutely do not worry about anything, my friend!!! When I tell you I actually straight-up cried because of your devastatingly kind words, I'm talking literally, omggggg. I could not be more flattered and honored and freakin giddy than I am right now!!! :D Lemme just doubly reassure you though! No, I do not mind at all that you left me this ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL ASK!! No, I could never hate you for any of this, I am beyond delighted that something I made could be in any way this impactful to someone!!! Gosh, you studied my fic like a textbook, I don't even have the proper vocabulary to express how--! How--! How that makes me feel!!! But it is positive!!! Very positive, for reals!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Also, I very much did read your fic and it was wonderful and you absolutely nailed the style of it so hard!! I checked out your tag for the PM700 too just to see what I was dealing with, though honestly, you wrote her so well I probably didn't even need to. XD And if anyone is still reading this absolutely unhinged ramble of mine, please go check out their fic!! It really struck me right in the feels and I'm still reeling from it, wow! They wrote one of the best Connor's I've ever seen, I love him so much. And they also made me care about a minor side character a significant amount, omg. XD (I swear, I will have to put her in a fic of my own someday if I ever write again. XD) It's just a super well-written, hard-hitting, emotional oneshot that is well worth a read! :D OP, I hope you know you made my night? I... can't even begin to express how much this means to me. You are an absolute blessing and have given me so much joy. Thank you so much for sending this ask! (And not doing so anonymously! :D) And please please please feel free to hmu in a DM or something if you ever wanna chat! I'm so here for it! :D

#asks #I'M STILL REELING THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!1 #BEST ASK OMG!#FIC REC!#SERIOUSLY GO READ IT!#IF MY LOVE OF SIXTY HAS TAUGHT Y'ALL ANYTHING IT'S THAT I GO FERAL FOR MINOR CHARACTERS AND LOOKIE I FOUND A NEW ONE TO LOVE!#WOO!!!!

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lengthenedshadows · 11 months

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old pinned vanished somehow so here we go again. welcome to my twisted fucking cycle path etc etc.

about me - infinite hobbies, no time or energy for any of them. gardened professionally for a second and still grow a lot of stuff, want to eventually start my own garden/landscaping company. trying to turn my house into a functional art installation down the road

see 'my face' or 'ivy.jpg' tags for pics of me - you may wanna block the 'nudity' tag first tho! trying to work my way up to having an OF, so stay tuned for that I guess (also TELL ME of interest PLEASE! need to know if I'd actually have an audience. shy? i keep anon on)

blog is a chaotic mixture of content. fairly consistent with tags though and i'm happy to add almost anything to my tag list. if there's something you're looking to avoid, shoot me a message.

be excellent to each other please! age in bio required, 18+ or get blocked. some lovelies I follow don't want men touching their posts (noted w 'men dni' tag) - disrespect them & get blocked. not single/looking; take no or get blocked. act like a creep & get blocked. i love the block button i am kissing her sweetly

that said, hmu if y'all wanna chat/be friends! snap is @wandering_ivy, you're welcome to add me there also. not a quick reply usually but i love people and am happy to get to know u, just have a lot going on always

anyways that's all for now ^.^ pls consider tossing some change my way if you like my stuff/have anything to spare, but i know we're all spread fuckin thin these days. rbing my stuff is always appreciated too <3

ca$happ/v*nmo: @wanderingivy

more links coming, check back for potential OF/KoFi/MV etc

liking this post to lmk you've read it means we're besties and you can now summon me into battle for aid in times of need. no exceptions. use this power wisely

#ivy.txt #pinned #ask to tag

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twistedthings · 8 months

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𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓 𝖙𝖔: m/f/anyone 𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙: Devon & your muse have been friends for a while (whether it's been since they were kids or just for a handful of years is up to you!) & Devo has hella feelings for your muse but hasn't expressed it yet, recently your muse has been dating someone that Devo has expressed he didn't like & thought wasn't a good match for your muse. Getting a distressed call from your muse after a particularly bad fight between them & their partner Devo shows up to comfort & take care of them. hmu if you’d like to plot more! 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓: friend to lovers.

Devon didn't really think he was an irrational person that jumped to any sort of assumptions or conclusions before knowing the whole story but when he'd gotten a call from his friend and heard how upset they were he couldn't help the slightly horrible things he'd thought about the other person who had caused their friends dismay. His bag shifted off his shoulder and he dropped it lightly to the floor near the door, having just come from work and changing out of his greasy, dirty clothes had been a quick priority before coming over. Warm brown eyes scanned over his friend and his heart lurched madly in his chest, jumping into his throat to get stuck there as his arms crossed over his chest.

"Of course I came," he said softly, shifting further into the room and watching the other for a moment as he pivoted on his feet again, glancing down at where they sat before he joined them on the sofa and sighed a little, relaxing into the softness of the furniture. "-- you were upset, I wasn't not going to come." He added with a slight shrug as if it were obvious he'd never leave them alone especially when they were upset. Devon shot them a side glance and let his brown eyes wander over them as if checking for injuries or anything else that might stand out physically. Shifting back in his seat he put a hand on their back and rubbed gently, trying to soothe and comfort. Devon hated how his heart pounded, how he wanted nothing more than to find the person who had upset his friend and make them pay for doing so-- all the feelings that churned inside his chest and hadn't spoken of burned hotly and Devon cleared his throat as if that would get rid of the burn.

He couldn't deny his feelings anymore, it was getting harder and harder for Devon to hold them at bay, especially when he saw his friend like this. Upset after a fight with some asshole that didn't even deserve them in the fucking first place. Devon continued to rub gently at their back, fingers running against the fabric of their shirt in soothing up and down motions. There had never been a time when Devon believed himself to be violent or anything close to it, he liked to think he'd defend himself or those he cared about if the situation arose but the protective feeling he got in this particular situation was a bit shocking to him. The closest to violent he ever felt; let that asshole return while he was there and he just might put his tall and muscular stature to rougher use. "C'mere, lemme give you a hug." He stated just as softly as before, his hand rubbing across their shoulders to tug them into a a warm hug against his side, resting his head against theirs for a brief moment.

#indie rp #indie bi rp #indie smut rp #indie para rp #indie mutant rp #indie open starter rp #indie horror rp #indie gay rp #open starter #| int. Devon |

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coolk1d777 · 1 year

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It’s 4 days before my birthday and a day i was once excited for I am no longer .. me and ole dude haven’t been fighting but it’s a lot of what’s understood feelings and we’ve just been coexisting, we barely sleep in the same room together anymore and he’s been distant and so have I .. we still do things to show we care for one another but our vibe is no longer . What do you do when you feel and physically see your bond and relationship with your person slipping and both does nothing to stop it .. I’m an over thinker so my mind has been racing with thoughts and the hurt me is like fuck it, you’ve seen this before they always cheat and try to hide it but somthing in you tell you somthings off , and I’ve made it apparent that it must be me because his demeanor changes when he comes around me , he’s a huge dick , and its honestly pushing me away .. no I’ll never cheat because In this moment all I want is his attention and for us to talk but the way I’m over trying to save relationships I’m feeling like it is what it is , idc to be cute because I’ve tried .. and my mind is like chill out he ain’t feeling it and he shows he’s not feeling it , we are not who we were and I understand ppl change but not like this , it’s like he makes it obviously it’s not me he wants to hug and talk to , it’s not me who has his attention and he says it’s because he’s trying to get everything right for my birthday but I thought on my day, the one day it’s dedicated to me I’m supposed to feel special and In the days leading up to it I’m supposed to be excited .. but I’m not , I’m not happy at all I’ve held back so many tears and just said fuck it so many times .. Why? Why me ? I’ve prayed , but damn shit really hurts .. my mind is telling me he’s cheating I just feel like he is .. I’ll ask and he either looks over it or say somthing like “ I don’t have time to cheat” and most times niggas make time to cheat because by the words of my ex husband “ it’s the thrill of getting caught” 😂 like nigga what? I’m your wife and you cheat because you want to get caught ? What kind of toxic shit is that .. and their both Taurus … 😒 Ig I didn’t learn my lesson , speaking of my ex he messaged me apologizing for eveything that happened , at the time his current fiancé did the most and just sheeted herself into eveything and always talked about how I was irrelevant and I’m ruining his life when they are the ones who constantly called and text me from random numbers about divorce papers that my ex refused to sign multiple times before !! She made it so obvious that she felt some way about me due to whatever reason , but that’s not my buisness they are no longer together like I figured because she isn’t the first , majority of the girls he dated after we broke up 4 years ago might I add , has always felt some way about me when I didn’t have a clue who they were .. but again not my buisness , I remove myself every chance I get cause shìt is really just pointless .. he hmu about 3x a week to ask how I’m doing but that’s about it , a lot of ppl say you can’t be friends with your ex but I’m cool with mine , I have no feelings what’s so ever for them , we were cool before things ended no hate from my end so it doesn’t bother me but out of respect for my current , I don’t entertain it .. but him on the other hand he makes it obvious he still some way about his ex and if he had the chance I don’t doubt he would def go back to his ex .. fucked up but Ig that just how the cookie continues to crumble . I’ve noticed taurus has that ex they will always run back to and can’t get over.. I hope we can work through whatever and we can sit down and talk to each other about what’s going on , cause I hate this feeling.. if he gon cheat or has cheated I wish he be man enough to fuckin say it so I can let this go and start healing .. I can hold my own , it won’t be anything new for me .. just to say the least my birthday looks like I’m gonna be crying on my birthday again 🙂. Happy 25th to me 🎉

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eomma-jpeg · 10 months

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12, 54 and 55 for the ask game!! 🩷

ty !!!!!! <3<3<3 12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I live off of feedback. I want to know if things are flowing well, I want to know if it made you angry, I want to know if it gave you butterflies, WHATEVER IT IS I WANNA KNOW

I cannot tell you how much serotonin i get when people comment or mention anything about what i write T-T words of affirmation is my love language and everyone is too kind it makes me blush (do not stop)

I love love love feedback of any kind. Not a huge fan of outright negative comments, but I do enjoy criticism that is justified. If you wanna hmu in my dms and say,,,, idk in the meadow doesn’t have enough cool describing words then message me and i’ll say “I already know this and i think about it constantly” LOL

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

I like… being able to get the thoughts out of my head lol. I have ideas and scenes always floating around, and when I can finally get them down on paper it is the most cathartic feeling.

I also LOVE when I accidentally set up connections within the story. Sometimes it really is intentional, but thankfully the way I try to get in the same headspace as the character when I’m writing allows for more opportunities to connect motifs on accident LOL.

I’m trying to think of one as an example and I can't…. I remember which one was the most satisfying. I think a not so specific instance is when any of the characters have a moment that changes their way of thinking. It’s always subtle? But I often do it on accident bc I need the characters to grown LOL

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

So early on while writing in the meadow, I really liked writing Meryl. I resonated with her the most just as a character and felt I understood how she thought the best. I wanted to break out of my comfort zone and write for Milly and Knives, but I needed the stability of writing for Meryl (and subsequently Vash)

BUT NOW after writing literally a book, I think Milly is my favorite to write for. My opinion changed pretty early on in the process because I think Milly is SO COMPLEX AND COOL AND POWERFUL and she just… gets written off so quickly? And a ton of new Stampede only people don’t know her at all and I wanted to explore her character (and perhaps just shove my own lore in there but we don’t need to worry about that)

Thankfully the readers haven’t swayed my decision. I often beat everyone to the punch lol. They will comment about missing Meryl (and I had an entire Meryl chapter in the wings already written) or wanting to see the geoplant again (I already had multiple plans for the geoplant to come back lol). It kind of confirms for me that I’m doing an okay job when people comment stuff like that.

#asks #i just.... have many thoughts so i apologize for going off #i will now do it again #trigun #in the meadow

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midnightxxxtish · 2 years

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Nick Bateman 36-38 // open career // founding family kid messy on & off temporary romance

i like messy twisty things, and sky is so sweet and innocent that i can't help but want to mess with her. so this guy is not meant to be a stand-up guy, (at least not with her, maybe someone else can change that) and they are meant to be on and off, and ultimately they will not end up together. this ad is for the sole purpose of breaking sky's heart (repeatedly). i have nick bateman bc honestly, he's sexy af lmfao but this is pretty open? i would like it if he were 36-38

meet nick he's the son of another founding family and he's extremely charismatic, charming, and has a silver tongue, he can get away with almost anything (and has many many times over) and he's used to getting what he wants when he wants it. then there's sky who's a little naive and truly believes in love, so she easily fell for his charms. but he's not exactly her prince charming. in addition to being charming, he's manipulative and a cheater, and she's caught him cheating on several occasions, and there were probably many more that she's not aware of. but again, he's charming and she's a little naive which doesn't necessarily work in her favor.

basically, sky has been with this guy on and off for a while now, and their relationship is a messy, toxic cycle. he cheats on her, she finds out and breaks up with him; a few weeks, months later, he's back begging for her forgiveness with empty promises that he'll be better, that it won't happen again. she forgives him, they have mindblowing kinky makeup sex, and it's wonderful for a few weeks, maybe a month or two before it happens again. and this has been going on for since high school. though she did leave a little after high school for nearly a decade what happened during that time is open, but when she came back they fell right into their old messy habits? although i feel like it didn't get really messy/toxic until after she came back about 6/7 years ago. they might have even been almost okay in high school?

deep down she knows that he's never going to be faithful, but she loves him, and she wants to believe that it'll be different, that maybe she'll be enough. she believes that part of his heart does belong to her because why else would he keep coming back? and maybe she's right, and in his twisted way, he does love her, or maybe it's that just that he knows she'll always forgive him, or it's obsession & possession, or maybe it's the sex - that's up to you! this is not her endgame ship but i would like a good chance to play with the on/off cycle a bit before she finally comes to her senses and moves beyond him.

because this has (toxic/twisted) romantic vibes, i'd prefer if whoever takes this were closer to their thirties since i'm 34 and writing romance or [m] threads with people way younger than me is mildly uncomfy. i'm also looking for whoever takes this to be willing to plot and discuss things and toss around headcanons on discord. and most importantly, active! i like to do back and forth comms & rf threads not just with me but her fam (and potentially with her future romance as well ~for drama~ ) also, i would ~prefer~ that he's from one of the other founding families, it's not a dealbreaker if you'd rather go in a different direction with him! if your interested hmu on discord midnightxxxtish#4566

#hofrp #romance request #jcink rp #jcink site #coming soon jcink #small town rpg #jcink premium

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b4dluck · 3 months

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prev . qvietsighs .

studying . . . grief so violent it rises up your throat like boiling bile ; insanity as the only fuel found for the required determination & the fragile balance between devotion and derangement ; B4DLUCK is a closed medium to low activity indie roleplay blog written with endless impostor syndrome by awkan ( thirty1 she + her delulu lesbian taking five hours long naps in the gmt - 3 tmz ) . dark and mature themes will be featured in this blog , visitors discretion is highly advised .

LINKS : MUSES . PLOTS . OPPOSITES . PINTEREST .

this blog is run and written by a thirty - one year old and will feature mature and dark themes , therefore i won’t engage in interactions with anyone under the age of twenty - five .

i have a high preference for f/f + f/nb dynamics , although m/m dynamics can and will ensue . m/f will be written only platonically and i won’t play any of my boys against you if you only play girls .

this blog is not private , which means we don’t need to be mutuals to write together . i like to keep my dash clean and see things i enjoy , hence , for example , if you write too many f/m ships i most likely won’t follow you back .

i use double spaces because it’s easier to read for me , and since it looks cleaner ( again , for me ) it helps me with my anxiety . however , if it makes things difficult for you , lmk and ill stick to normal spacing .

please communicate with me . if you wanna drop or change a thread or plot , if something makes you uncomfortable , if your muse is wobbly , and anything else that could be a pebble in our partnership’s shoe let me know , i’m always grateful when people are honest and i’ll appreciate it so much if you are too .

i’ll reblog character’s visuals and inspirations from time to time , if you follow me but don’t wanna see them or don’t want me clogging ( that’s a bit of a stretch , but anyway ! ) your dash you can filter and block the #reblog / tag that i’ll be using for them !

dont be shy ! if you wanna write , if you wanna plot , if you see something you like — hmu !!! you’ll make me the happiest istg .

#pinned.#pls read under the cut byi !

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crazylil-lion · 1 year

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Honestly its hard to know what to do.

Everyone looks to me like the answer to their problem.

Mom doesn't work says shes trying but shes been saying that for a year. Grandpa is dying. Fast. My little brother still struggling a crazy amount.

Like truthful everything went downhill once I left.

Ik my siblings and my dad wants me to come back.

I think mom realized she can't ask me that. I think she feels absolutely fucking awful about everything about how she treated me and how much money she takes from dad.

I think after I moved away mom realized all the mistakes she made. I think she realized the hate I developed for her.

I can tell in her voice she wants my approval. She wants me to tell her I'm happy with how things are going there.

Idk. Its hard when moving away gave me a huge change of perspective.

To realize all the things I missed. All the abuse and neglect.

To realize how much they needed me.

You know I realized very young I was the one that had to hold the house together. I had to be the one to be emotional support. My dad still takes care of my siblings. He still constantly buys them things. Constantly stops over just to take them out to eat.

He tries his hardest to make them happy and support them however he can.

Truthful I struggle to know what to do.

I wanna make them happier but I don't wanna move back.

I wanna get things in place so I can be away.

Idk what to do because I feel like things are constantly on me. And I don't even wanna live as is.

I feel like happiness for me just won't happen. Like I'm the one that makes other people happy.

But I'm always disposable.

People only care about having their needs met. Rarely does anyone even ask about my needs.

I'm just suppose to be the rock that holds everything together.

The one that supports everyone while getting no support.

I'm just fucking alone tbh. Expected to be this inhuman thing that can handle it all.

Need to be emotionless. Need to workout and be strong to be loved lol.

People say oh no no no. You can have love and be accepted without being muscular but thats not exactly true.

See people talk about body positivity for bigger women. But very fucking rarely like almost never do you see any supportive male body positivity.

I know of 2 posts. Total that really talk about it.

And said people are all more masc presenting.

Irl. Good fucking luck. My point is unless I'm feminine enough to be seen as a "femboy" I'm not masc enough for someone to want me as a male. Reinforced constantly by people.

So yea. Starve. Go cold. Learn to push this need of intimacy so far down that the comfort of razors is enough.

These are the only things I can do to survive anymore. Its easy for people who have had love. Who had emotional support growing up to see themselves having it again.

I can't see that. When the only girls that hmu on any dating app or even here are only trying to sell me their onlyfans.

When I'm just insulted for not being masc enough. Or not looking good in feminine things because im too masc to look good in them. Lol. Just born wrong and too emotional.

Truthfully I'm at a crossroads.

1. Give up. Kill myself as planned in August.

2. Let the hate win. Grow super fucking toxic. Hate everyone stop going out. Stop doing things for fun like xbox and weed.

And instead invest all my time in work. Become rich, do stupid things until I die from them.

3. Continue on this fucked path of trying to get better and have connections with people to only get treated like shit and reminded constantly of how horrible society is. Go to a 2nd therapist and add to my list of medications until I'm so numb I'm not even fucking me anymore.

None of them seem good. And honestly I don't know that I want anything anymore.

The idea of love and intimacy is amazing. But i doubt I'll have it. No ones attracted to me lol. No one really even tries to talk to me. And idk that it would help anything.

Plus I let someone in they see my bpd and my issues poof they gone.

So is it even worth it. Is it worth trying to get to the only thing I've ever wanted when all it does is fucking hurt.

Idk anymore. But I have to fucking decide.

Maybe its time to do some stupid risky decisions and prey it gets me killed. Thatll make me feel alive for a bit right? Maybe it will calm the screaming inside me to play with death. Maybe I'll play too long and be embraced by it.

Oh, self destruction seems like the least painful path.

Seems like thats all I've ever had thats consistently in my life.

Thats pretty pathetic😂

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