#again sorry for the wait in response!

[sketchingstars03]

aghfdsfd sry about the infodumping but i havr to get tgis out of my head hc that ink has a kind of a fixation on naming?? him naming his brush ,the doodlesphere and giving people nicknames kinda?? something something about his abandoned AU not havign a name... something about his last words being not watnting to b forgotten. wanting to be someone.. somethin about names n identity sjhjgf also uhm i just learned that it's actually like. confirmed that he's the one who put all those buckets in the doodlesphere. and also ink doesn't consider himself a Sans bc of his lack of a universe. uh mirror room. apparently its implied that the reason he doesnt liek that room is bc. Ink couldnt tell that they're the original or just one of the many reflections/imposters. since he's the only Ink who doesnt have a soul and doesnt remember jack shit ab his past.(kinda outdated but makes sense. that room was made official around that time where the fact that ink not having a soul is considered vry niche info iirc? somewhere around early 2017)

no Anon you’re onto something with the naming thing.

I think it’s fascinating that Ink, should this be true (which it seems very plausible to me), extends this need to be someone, to have an identity, to others. In a similar way to how they might subconsciously extend that feeling of no universe deserving to be left behind, in that both stem from themself, yet he can’t help but fulfil that desire through other people. Really shines a light on the side of Ink that “isn’t completely selfish”, to put it in words I remember from one post by Comyet.

I always had a feeling, like a headcanon, that Ink would feel separated from his Sans identity, or, well it would probably be more like a role or title to him, rather than a name or someone he is. They left “Sans” behind with _____tale (something he doesn’t even remember). Though, it’s interesting that he still carries over some sans-like traits, like puns/pranks (though more frequent and intense pranks than a regular Sans would pull), and the creation of their own personal Gaster Blaster companion and forming bones out of ink. And there was the sans-like sweater in their old design (something I like to think they still hold on to, even if he doesn’t wear it anymore)

I should check Comyet’s blog to see that lmao guess it probably wasn’t purely just a hc after all.

THE PART ABOUT THE MIRROR ROOM IS FASCINATING THOUGH! Now that you mention it I think I remember a post like that, again looks like I need another trip through the Inkechos tag 😅. But still!! I wonder how Ink would feel about the mirror room now, if his dislike was based around how all the other “hims” had souls and he didn’t, now that that’s changed and it’s actually the Inks with souls who are the outliers (shout out to FTFO!Ink). Would they take joy in the fact that they’re not alone? Or would it still feel, weird and uncomfortable somehow? Perhaps serving as another reminder of his emptiness deep down, and so they still avoid it even though the circumstances in the fandom have changed. I know that whenever I RP my version of Ink meeting other variants, he’s always very interested to see new versions of himself, so maybe it would just be like that! Who knows! Well, Comyet does, but I’m not her 😅.

Either way thank you so much for this thought-provoking ask, Anon! I’m always happy to discuss my favourite chaotic-neutral-artist-skeleton guy like this!

[actuallyitsstar]

NINE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW BETTER

OMG TYSM FOR TAGGING ME @liass-21 !!!!! i am so sorry i drafted this tag and i thought i queue'd it and i didnt so 😭😭😭 its only like a month late. its fine everythings fine. aaaaaa 😭

LAST SONG? - "photograph" by the midnight! it is on my writing-for-top-gun playlist bc it has huge maverick vibes lol.

FAVORITE COLOR? - pink!!!! also lighter purples and blues and most pastel shades <3 and black

CURRENTLY WATCHING? - a streamer i have never watched before playing the remaster of of tomb raider i-iii bc i am excited about the remaster!! and those games are my childhood <3 not to be a million years old or anything sakfhfjfhg

LAST MOVIE? - unfortunately it was 'oz the great and powerful' 😭 if any of y'all enjoyed that movie i respect it, but i had to see it on tv at a friend's house and we were having a great time laughing at the very unexpected writing and acting choices being made lol

SWEET/SPICY/SAVORY? - aaaaaaaa i guess savory ?????? but sweet has a special place in my heart ajdhfjfhfjg

RELATIONSHIP STATUS? - committed long term relationship to ~my person~ <3<3

CURRENT OBSESSIONS? - well this is gonna be obvious but top gun primarily !!!! additionally, dan and phil !! mission impossible !!! fall out boy!! and even if the current obsession level is not as high as other things, i am always at least partially obsessed with a hundred other things and people that i am probably posting about at the same time lol

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED? - “oz the great and powerful reviews” bc i wanted to make sure that im not crazy and that other ppl also felt that movie was an insane fever dream (apparently due to the 44% on metacritic i guess they did lol)😭

tagging: aaaaaa @brambleberrycottage @daffodilstark @tellhound @torchflies @melancholydandelion @goosefilms @driftershunt @downthegenderriver @callsignstingray

[star2stop]

Mayhaps Soul in one of these? :0/nf

-moss

OMG HI MOSS!!!! sorry if it took me literal MONTHS to get to this ToT fjdhsfhsdkg heres soul wearing both fits cuz i think they r both pretty :]

[mr-doodles]

Oh wait what if in your rise AU he got the motivation to train to future mikeys level because the kraang shattered his swords, which is why he is such a glass cannon in your AU. In most media powerful wizards need to use a medium to safely perform powerful spells, and the Hamato’s are shown repeatedly in the show that they need a weapon to safely use their clans mystic arts.  The reason I believe they need to do that is because if for some reason a spell backlashes/goes wrong what would you rather have get destroyed a piece of wood/weapon or your hand. Your Leo might as well be made of porcelain

Okay so this response is ridiculously late but I wanted to get back to thinking on this after I spent some time actually rethinking and planning the AU.

I really like the idea that he's sort of "made of porcelain", where he uses his own body as his katanas at this point. Leo could've just gotten used to the idea that his body is literally torn apart every portal or time he uses his abilities, and finds out he more he scarifies of himself, the better reward or strength.

Leo eventually becomes so uncaring towards the side effects, that he doesn't care what happens so long as he wins each battle. This will certainly cause a lot of fights later on with his siblings once they catch on that his current state could've been prevented.

(Thank you so much for your ideasss. You're genuinely so smart TwT /pos)

[meownotgood]

work thoughts today are all about cowboy aki.... specifically cowboy aki and his horse.

cowboy aki who swears he's not soft but then you catch him giving his horse a few extra treats here and there

cowboy aki who takes such good care of his horse and makes sure he's always clean, always having a brush on hand

asking aki for something and watching him shift through his saddle bag while getting embarrassed cause he can't find it through all the treats he has for his horse inside

cowboy aki who always accidentally holds everyone up because his horse stopped to try and eat a bush but he doesn't have the heart to try and pull him away, always going "what? he's just hungry..."

cowboy aki who always listens to his horse if he suddenly gets spooked, never trying to force him to do something or go somewhere he doesn't want to go

cowboy aki who always whispers a small "thank you" or "atta boy..." to his horse whenever you dismount. cowboy aki who always gets caught baby talking to his horse

setting up camp for the night and watching aki always take off his saddle and make sure he's comfortable before he even bothers setting up his bed roll for the night

going on trail rides with aki where you two normally just ride slowly down the trail and take in the nature but sometimes you'll share a horse and ride behind him with your arms around his back, and other times he'll want you in front just so he can rest his head against you

aki swears he doesn't have a soft spot for anyone, but one morning he wakes up only to realise his horse isn't there and he's panicked. visibly trying not to freak out as you two search around only to find him not that far away in a grass field just grazing away because apparently aki forgot to tie him tight enough to the tree. and you swear you can see aki crying cause he's just so relieved

sometimes it's hard to believe this man so gentle and attentive to his horse is the same gunslinger you see on all the wanted posters outside the sheriff station

...but then again, you know he isn't like the outlaw he's described to me. he was merely a kid who lost his family to sickness because they couldn't afford the medicine, so he turned to a life of crime not to take for himself... but to steal from the rich and give to the poor.

he may be as tough as nails but underneath he's got a heart richer than any gold he'd ever stolen.

I am unbelievably in love with this and although my brain is mush and I can't quite express it, I just need you to know and to share it with the world. I love. so much... outlaw aki who seems intimidating on the surface but he truly has a heart of gold.... I'm obsessed

[oneluckydragon]

I have a few questions about Echo!

1) when did she know she used to be Darkrai? My guess is at Dark Crater, either when she first laid eyes an Darkrai and just *knew,* or something about Palkia's speech about what could happen to Darkrai after being attacked in the portal.

2) what caused the scar on her neck? (Probs darkrai tbh)

3) alright so this is probably me overthinking things but did Echo change genders?? Asking cause Darkrai is typically referred to as 'he/him', and he has a distinctly masculine voice in his movie. Plus, it also makes sense with Darkrai and Cresselia being opposites: Cress is canonically a female while Darkrai is depicted as a male, full moon vs new moon, sweet dreams vs nightmares, day and night, light and dark, and so on. So did Darkrai go from he/him to ???/??? (as a 'human') to she/her? Did Darkrai just not give a shit? Have we been accidentally misgendering Darkrai this whole time?

Basically I'm asking b/c 1) confusion, and 2) is it another layer of symbolism about how Echo is nothing like her former self?

@maxtheirisagent tagging you like requested!

Thanks so much for asking about Echo! I'm happy to answer any questions so feel free to pester me whenever you'd like. It's so exciting that someone wants to know more about her. c:

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

The truth about Echo's past life as Darkrai clicked the moment she first met Cresselia within Azurill's nightmare.

Not only did she piece the truth together because the sight of her long-lost sister-- someone she had scorned and despised and hated in her original life-- jarred her so much that it cleared away some of the fog in her memory. But it was the feeling. The rush of anger, of fury, the ache she felt upon seeing Cresselia again after years and years of separation. It awoke something inside Echo that felt real in a way she couldn't ignore. Like a puzzle piece finally slotting into place.

And even more, Echo had her suspicions leading up to said point. She cannot dream at all. Not ever. Never figured out why during her time as a human and Eevee, and yet other Pokemon tend to suffer nightmares around her (even as a human, this ability Bad Dreams never went away) which had caused some pain for both Sora and Grovyle over the years. And Echo never shared the secret that she doesn't dream. She never confessed to suspecting that these nightmares might be her fault, so Sora and Grovyle never understood the origins of their own nightmares either-- but Echo was able to deduce that she was indeed the source of the problem. Especially after Chatot had explained that Darkrai caused nightmares and pain wherever he went, and the correlation between Echo's powers, her amnesia, her sudden appearance on the beach, her life with Grovyle in the dark future, the Dimensional Scream/connection to the Time Gears, and Darkrai's personality were too coincidental.

What solidified this conclusion is that while Cresselia was traveling with Team Wish during their attempts to reach Dark Crater, Sora did not suffer nightmares at all-- for the first time in what seemed like ages. And it was a like a gut punch, a vicious stab in the heart, and Echo immediately knew why. It was because Cresselia was accompanying them, and her gentle light purifies bad dreams and brings good health. Someone that could cancel out the nasty effect Echo seems to have on others... and it did. Cresselia DID cancel out these nightmares and that could only mean one thing.

And Echo was angry, then. Angry at Cresselia. Angry at herself. And fueled that anger towards fighting Darkrai for the sake of everyone she loved.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

You're right! The scar on Echo's neck is indeed from Darkrai. In fact, both of Echo's scars (the large one along her neck AND the one denting her leg as an Eevee/Umbreon or rather on her arm as a human). Each one was received technically at the same time, but with a twist! During the final battle at Dark Crater, Echo and Darkrai both went berserk and clashed in a desperate attempt to knock each other out.

Echo inflicted a wound onto Darkrai which took sizeable chunks out of his forearm. When Palkia shattered the dimensional portal it then instantly scarred that injury and Darkrai then carried it through ALL future lifetimes. Which is why Echo still has that scar as a Human -> Eevee -> Umbreon. Despite Darkrai receiving this injury during the peak of their final battle, Echo has bore it for all of her past lives up until the point she actually GIVES it to Darkrai. A new wound for him. An old wound for her.

Simultaneously, Darkrai inflicted the neck scar onto Echo who then carries this mark the rest of her life as an Umbreon. It's a bit of a coincidence that her neck scar ends up somewhat, strangely, resembling the red fringe that Darkrai has around his own neck. She finds this to be some kind of messed up joke being played on her by the universe, because now there's ANOTHER reminder of her old life being thrust in her face whenever she catches a glimpse of her reflection. (It's bad enough looking like Dusknoir as an Umbreon, but now this too? How unfortunate.)

A major purpose to these scars is that I think they are a bold (albeit complicated) way to show that both your past and present choices can cause self-harm when destructive, and that it can leave permanent marks that will haunt you through your entire life (or lives in this case!) but that in the end it doesn't define you. Despite everything, you can still grow beyond the trauma inflicted upon yourself. You can be more than the bad choices that hurt you. You can learn to live beyond your own perception and expectations! You can let go of your own mistakes and let them heal/scar, let them fade. And move on to be better.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

And my friend, you are not overthinking things. I haven't explained Echo's progression through her life-stages yet, but hopefully I can shed some light on that topic now. (Apologies ahead of time if this is overly convoluted!)

Echo did change gender! Like this:

(Darkrai) he/him or they/them -> (Human) they/them -> (Eevee/Umbreon) she/her or they/them

The reasoning behind this particular progression is that I am guilty of inserting the main game lore into PMD. Whenever I think of legendary or mythical Pokemon (that aren't officially assigned male or female like Latios and Latias) I always immediately think of them as nonbinary in my mind. Darkrai in the PMD universe seems to use male pronouns as mentioned (or rather in the movie, like you stated, had a male-presenting voice) so I think Echo would have used he/him as a personal preference while living as Darkrai. However, he was still technically "genderless" as a mythical (or even nonbinary) and thus was comfortable with they/them as well.

Echo as a human is nonbinary and no longer uses male pronouns. I like to think of them as Echo's "blank slate" form. They think, feel, and appear in very simple but strong terms. And as such their gender binary has been washed away too! They use they/them because it's what Grovyle chose when he met them in the dark future. Grovyle decides that Echo is human based on what minimal knowledge he's gained from ancient tales/myths/glyphs about extinct humans, but he has no idea what a true human would look like since humanity is long dead. And since Echo has no distinct male or female characteristics as a pseudo-human, Grovyle doesn't shove them into a specific box of labels and instead starts using they/them to accommodate. Echo accepts it. Besides, with both amnesia clouding their past and a body that doesn't quite fit, Echo never really felt compelled to argue against his decision. It seemed counter-intuitive and like a waste of energy to argue. Echo was too busy being angry about other things to really care.

Echo as an Eevee/Umbreon uses she/her pronouns. This is because Sora starts using them immediately upon meeting Echo on the beach, and Echo (with a second round of amnesia and a body that now presents more towards female appearances) accepts it because it just makes sense. She has no memory of her past, and because Sora wholeheartedly starts calling Echo "she", well, Echo just goes with it. Because someone as sweet as Sora must know what she's talking about, right? She doesn't seem like the type to lie or play pranks, after all.

Additional note: Even as an Eevee/Umbreon, Grovyle still uses they/them for Echo since that's what he's used too. And Echo is fond of him using it anyway, so she is comfortable with it. It feels like a little promise between them. And it brings back some of the sparse good memories Echo had with Grovyle while stuck in the dark future together.

Additional ADDITIONAL note: Once Echo and Cresselia have begun reconciliation and start repairing their sibling relationship, she often refers to Echo has her "brother" out of old habit (eons of habit, really). Cresselia normally apologizes for the mistake and tries to correct herself but Echo isn't bothered by this at all. "I'm still your brother," Echo tells her, "If that's what you want to call me, then I see no reason to stop." And Cresselia appreciates it, because she's really trying, but it might take a little bit to re-train herself.

And you got it, my friend! The change in Echo's pronouns IS symbolism about how Echo has grown/evolved beyond her original self. That she is no longer the same being of pain and fury that Darkrai was-- and that she has moved away from this shadow of her past. That she has struggled to become something she's proud of, someone tempered by patience and hope. Love has changed Echo, and thus Echo is happy with this new version of herself because her loved ones chose it for her. And she is okay with that!

I also really enjoy the idea that while Echo and Cresselia are still opposites in both powers and personality, they now share common ground on at least ONE thing after being entirely different for their whole mutual existence. They can relate. They can be siblings again. They can heal. And they do together, they work and work and work on being good to each other and being overall better individuals. And they learn to love each other again. <3

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

hi! what do you think are the best/most tolerable episodes in season 4 of community? it’s widely regarded as the worst season and I never know which episodes to watch each time I go through a community rewatch binge lol. so, I figured I would consult the encyclopedia! (this is my first time using the ask feature so I apologize if I am not using it correctly)

heyo! this is a great question. I actually have an abbreviated season 4 watchlist that cuts out the worst episodes (in my opinion), while staying comprehensible and making sure you're still able to follow the season's overarching plots:

4x01: history 101

4x03: conventions of space and time*

4x05: cooperative escapism in familial relations*

4x06: advanced documentary filmmaking

4x08: herstory of dance

4x11: basic human anatomy*

4x12: heroic origins*

4x13: advanced introduction to finality

the episodes with asterisks* are the ones I actually really enjoy watching. the others on the list are pretty mid, but are, in my opinion, important enough to the overarching plot and character development to be worth watching. when I'm showing other people season 4 for the first time, I adhere to this watchlist lol.

I’m going to do some (hopefully quick) explanations of how I came up with this list, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to lol:

✅ history 101: it's the first episode of the season, so it really does set the tone and establish some important details (jeff wants to graduate early, troy and britta are dating, this is their last year at greendale, etc.) as with most of season 4, the weirdness seems really contrived and unnatural, but it does have its moments of being genuinely funny. it's also a pretty abed-centric episode, which is always a bonus lol

❌ paranormal parentage: I don’t hate this episode, but it's just kind of boring and doesn't really add anything to the season. I love megan ganz but... yeah. a lot of the jokes seem forced, and there's way too much pierce for my liking. there are a couple good one liners ("you should probably tell your boyfriend's boyfriend" "I remember when this show was about community college") and it does help set up jeff finally contacting his dad, but imo it doesn't quite make the episode worth watching

✅ conventions of space and time: I’ve heard that some people hate this episode? couldn't be me. way too much trobed for me to hate it lmao. there is a lot of jeffannie in it too, but that resolves with the conclusion that annie is just a romantic who loves to fantasize, and doesn't actually have real feelings for jeff. it actually fuels my lesbiannie agenda tbh, because she is evidently just in love with the idea of a man but doesn't actually put that into practice. but that's another post lmao. we have some great one-liners, we have britta helping troy through his jealousy, we have "troy will find me :)" we have some more inspector spacetime lore, etc etc. I love this episode and rewatch it frequently.

❌ alternative history of the german invasion: for me, this episode has almost zero redeeming qualities. the jokes are lame, I hate professor cornwallis, there is so much discontinuity, it has zero importance in the bigger picture of the season and the show, it's out of character, etc. the one thing I like is the end tag.

✅ cooperative escapism in familial relations: this is a big one for me. I never see people talking about it, but to me this episode is one of season 4's saviors. we have HUGE jeff development, jeffbritta moments, some much needed shirley screentime and development, some great jokes ("-to eat garbage dip WHY DID I HAVE TO GO THIRD), classic trobedison shenanigans, and the shawshank redemption homage is very funny to me. plus! adam devine cameo! I like this episode more every time I watch it. unsung hero fr.

✅ advanced documentary filmmaking: okay so I won’t lie, I fucking HATE the changnesia arc. I think it is so incredibly stupid and uncreative. there are a million different and better ways they could have brought him back. but, this episode is just too important in the season's development to skip. and, honestly, if I ignore the whole premise, there are a lot of funny bits and jokes in this one. troy constantly smiling at the camera (read: smiling at abed), troy and annie being the silliest ever, jeff's trust issues, and ken jeong is truly very funny, I just hate this arc so much. but ultimately it's too important to cut. imo.

❌ economics of marine biology: I basically feel the same about this one as I do about alternative history of the german invasion. it's boring, the premise is stupid, it's out of character, it's unfunny, the guest character is lame, and it's pointless to the overall plot. abed and the delta cubes is a little bit funny? and I guess you could argue that the jeff and pierce development is important? but I’d refute that very quickly. it's pierce, who cares. not. worth. it.

✅ herstory of dance: this episode is honestly the upper end of mid, but it has enough good jokes and development to make it worth it. it is also Very abed-centric, which we've established is always a plus imo, and his whole bit with going on two dates at once is very in character. he also meets rachel, who comes back in season 5, so that's important. it also has some great jeff & britta development!!! which is sort of few and far between in the later seasons!!! yippee!!!

❌ intro to felt surrogacy: tied for my least favorite community episode of all time. it's clear they tried to do something similar to what they did with abed's uncontrollable christmas, but it is so incredibly contrived that it is physically painful to watch. I hate the puppets. the hot air balloon story is so stupid and out of character. the songs are bad. how dare they sully the legacy of my third favorite episode (lmao). the only redeeming qualities are troy as a whole (all of his lines are good, and that moment when he pretends his puppet is falling asleep is very funny), and the fact that pierce is not physically in it. but those do not make up for how horrific the rest of it is. in my opinion. haha.

❌ intro to knots: once again! Tied For My Least Favorite Community Episode! they're right next to each other, how convenient. and again: bad jokes, bad premise, I fucking hate professor cornwallis, the changnesia shit is back, the plot is ALL over the place, there is little to no actual character development, the dialogue just goes in circles, and it ends with a random litter of kittens that are never mentioned again??? I guess the only mildly important thing is the end tag with the evil study group, which comes back during the season finale. but yeah. not worth it. disgusting.

✅ basic human anatomy: and here we have a HUGE jump from the last one. this is my favorite season 4 episode, and is probably in my top 15 from the entire show. I could talk about this episode for hours. the troy development alone is so so so good and important. add abed into the mix and Oh Boy!!! britta is great in this one, jeff and the dean's whole thing is so fucking funny, shirley and annie competing against leonard for valedictorian on a technicality is very in character and silly, danny and donald's acting in this one is commendable, etc etc etc. there really isn't much, if anything, I dislike about this episode. jim rash being the credited writer makes me love him even more. legendary. outstanding.

✅ heroic origins: I actually really like this episode. it does still have that sort of unnatural and off-putting vibe that the majority of season 4 has, but I think it holds up. it's in character, it has some great jokes and one-liners, and although it does have its moments of discontinuity, it does a surprisingly good job of staying compliant with what has already been established. certainly much better than alternative history of the german invasion. abed's whole bit with the star wars prequels makes me laugh, the annie's boobs lore, footage of annie and troy in high school (surprisingly well done if you ignore the discontinuity of troy's injury), etc. it's also massively important for the overarching season plot, and we finally get to the conclusion of the stupid changnesia arc. I could go on and on, there's just a ton of really cool callbacks (including one to the pilot, which I only noticed a few months ago and am obsessed with), and I just. wasn't expecting this one to work out as well as it did. pleasantly surprised, all in all.

✅ advanced introduction to finality: this one is not great tbh, but it's too important plot-wise to skip. and, I mean, it does have some good moments. abed immediately recognizing evil jeff, the whole thing being in jeff's head a la remedial chaos all being in abed's head (insert something about how this being yet another demonstration of how fundamentally jeff and abed understand each other, which I could expand way more on but won't in this particular post), season 2 of the cape, "one of us is out of bullets" "is it you" "...yeah" "why would you tell me that," and more. overall, yeah, worth watching imo.

I do also want to say that I think season 4 is a bit overhated. I do agree that it is the worst season, I think most of us can agree that that is an objective truth, but it does have its moments and I do get slightly frustrated when people write the entire season off.

I’m also happy to hear anyone else's opinions on what you think is/isn't worth watching in season 4, especially if you really strongly disagree with me. I’m curious to what your reasoning is lmao.

okay! this is definitely way more elaboration than you needed, but I hope this was helpful 💯💯💯

[lost-in-fandoms]

Logan and Max have another talk, or 'does kissing count as free therapy?' Part 2 of whatever this was. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of how hard I kept thinking about these two. I blame @girlsdads for giving me the brainrot in the first place.

cw: the tiniest bit of implied sexual content

It's another bad race. Fucking 16th, only ahead of the two Saubers, and of the Haas and Alpine that had crashed each other out. There was no reason why his pit stop had to be 4.3 seconds, when Alex's had been 2.7, no reason why he had been fucked over by not one but two undercuts because of shitty strategy, no reason why Alex's side of the garage had to be celebrating 8th place while his was sullen and quiet.

Logan fears he's going to throw up when he steps in and James claps him on the shoulder, saying sorry, next time, as if Logan doesn't know his contract is on the line. Fucking. Next time?!

Logan feels like he's trying to swim with his hands tied behind his back, desperately trying to make it to shore. Nobody cares he's drowning.

He can barely look up during the debrief, feels like he's choking the whole time on the words nobody is saying. As soon as he's free, he escapes, fumbling for his phone as usual. Only this time, he doesn't call his mom.

Are you free?

Max has his motorhome this weekend, and Logan doesn't wait for an answer before heading over. If he doesn't answer, he'll just take a walk.

Yes come over

He's knocking on Max's door before he can rethink it, before all these feelings catch up on him and he decides he's going to break down alone instead. When Max opens his door, Logan immediately regrets it. He's wearing a black t-shirt, hair styled, looking ready to go out. Of course he's heading out, he has a win to celebrate. Unlike Logan. Who should have just gone home.

He opens his mouth, ready to apologize and turn around, when Max's hand closes on his shoulder, his mouth downturned with what would be worry, if it wasn't absurd for Max Verstappen to be worried about him.

"Come in," Max says, doesn't leave space for arguments when he pulls Logan inside, closing the door behind him.

For a long moment they just look at each other, as Logan's waves lap at his neck. He doesn't know why he's here anymore.

"Are you okay?" Max's hand is still on his shoulder. Logan feels like he'll keel over if he takes it back.

"I might be out of a seat."

It's not an answer to Max's question, it's not even what Logan meant to say, it's not something he should be telling to the competition, but really. Logan is barely Max's competition at all, and who wouldn't know that after this season's disaster? Nobody is counting on him to race next year.

He waits for Max to say something, even if it's just empty platitudes, but the other just squeezes his shoulder and nods, and suddenly it's much harder to hold back his tears.

"I just..." he breathes in, willing his voice to not crack, "I don't know what I am doing wrong."

It comes out more desperate than he meant it to, but he's just so tired and upset, and nobody is seeing him drown. Why is nobody paying attention?

"You have a shit car, get bad strategy calls, and have a teammate with years more of experience. You are not the one doing it wrong."

Max says it so matter of fact, as if he's the one driving the shit car, the one with the better teammate, the one having to fight through the back of the field with no success, and suddenly Logan is angry. He shrugs Max's hand away, fists clenching. What does Max know about being the second driver in a bad team? How dares he say he knows Logan's hunger?

"Fuck off," he spits, wrapping his arms around himself to hide the way his hands are trembling. He shouldn't have come.

"You have potential, you are not doing it wrong," Max says again, stubborn and bull-headed as always, jaw set and eyes clear. Logan's anger spikes again. Max Verstappen, the prodigy child, talking to him about wasted potential? This must be a joke. He scoffs, ready to turn around and leave, but Max grabs him again, gets a hold on his elbow and keeps him where he is.

"Why are you angry?" he asks. And yeah, this must be a joke, for sure. Why is Logan angry? Why is he angry?!

"You don't get to..." he starts, but Max interrupts him, squeezing his elbow.

"No. Why are you angry?"

"The team..."

Max takes a step closer, narrowing his eyes.

"Not the team, I do not care about the team. Why are you angry?"

As if there was a right answer to the question that Logan isn't getting! It's his own anger! And Max doesn't care about the team? Of course he doesn't, it's not his team fucking up! Why can't Logan be angry about the team?!

"Alex gets..."

"No. Why are you angry?" Max interrupts again, steadfast in a way that grates on Logan's nerves.

They're too close now, and for a second Logan entertains the idea of punching three times world Champion Max Verstappen. Anger burns in his chest, and suddenly, without knowing who closed the gap, they're kissing. It's not a nice kiss, all teeth and spit, and it almost feels the same as the punch he hasn't thrown, until Max moves his hand from his elbow to his waist, the other one coming up to cup the back of his neck, turning his head slightly. Gentling him.

His anger is back in his lungs, but it's no longer anger, it's back to salt water, and Logan is drowning again. He breaks the kiss, gasping, but Max doesn't let him go.

Logan doesn't remember the last time someone held him like this, like being here matters.

"Why are you angry?" Max asks again, breath soft against Logan's bitten lips. He smells vaguely like minty toothpaste.

"Because..." he hesitates, but at this point he might as feel say fuck it, and give it all. All his fleshy insides in Max's hands, bleeding on the floor between them. "Because I could do better, but I can't do it like this."

This time Max nods. "You could do better."

And Logan knows his parents and friends have said it before, have kept saying it for years. Knows his time in Formula 2 speaks for itself. But it's different, to have Max say it like that, so surely. It's a different kind of validation, and a different kind of heartbreak, because they both know his time to prove it is running out. It's hard to breathe again.

"It is good to be angry. It makes you want to take it," Max says, maybe mistaking the way his breathing has gone funny. But Logan doesn't feel angry anymore. He's tired, and scared, and lonely. He drops his head on Max's shoulder, who moves to card his fingers in his hair, bearing his weight with ease. Logan wishes anything would come easy to him instead.

"I don't know how to be angry," Logan confesses. He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to disappoint Max, but he disappoints better than he lies anyway. What's one more person.

"That is of course still okay," Max says, instead of some sort of rebuke Logan is expecting. For a second, he thinks about the stories of Max's childhood, of angry men and steel hands. Max's fingers are gentle in his hair.

"What do you want right now?"

It's too big of a question. Logan wants his seat to be safe, he wants to end in the points, he wants a good car, he wants to not feel so distant from everyone else, he wants to go home. He wants someone to tell him it will be alright and mean it.

He shakes his head, forehead dragging against Max's t-shirt. Disappointing again.

Max holds his hair a little tighter, uses the grip to pull Logan up, to make him open his eyes.

"What do you need?"

And it's the same, but it is different, and Logan needs...he needs...

"You can take it. What you need." Max sounds so sure of it, Logan can almost believe it. Maybe Logan doesn't know how to take, doesn't know how to fix it, but here, now, he at least knows what he needs.

"I need to be better," he says, words bleeding out from his split-open chest. "I need to be good."

They both know what Logan means, because the thing with Max is, that it's always about racing, even when it isn't, and it is also always both at the same time.

Max nods, letting go of his hair, and Logan pushes him around, back against the door. Gentle, because he needs to be, but firm, because he wants this.

He eases himself to his knees, and feels Max's hand cup his cheek. His raspy voice isn't disappointed, or pitying, or even sad when he speaks, only fond. A little proud.

"Good boy."

[arsenicflame]

i am actually really, really glad to see Ed setting himself some boundaries and then sticking to them. he said he wanted to go slow, to take it easy, and when Stede ended up not respecting that, he took the initiative to set some distance between them.

i don't think running away to become a fisherman is the answer, but i do think its important that Ed is removing himself from that situation at the moment. if Stede didn't respect his boundaries once, who's to say he wont do it again? Ed's got enough on his plate, and as they've said before, they're both impulsive! in the moment Ed's gonna keep agreeing with Stede, and then realising later that it wasn't the best thing for him to do. removing himself from that situation, taking away the temptation is a good thing!

[briar--rising]

My mom stopped doing therapy a few years ago and I wish that she hadn’t. I mean, a therapist isn’t going to help the fundamental issues, esp not at this point. Heck she was in therapy throughout my entire childhood and it’s not like that made her not abuse me. But her dad just died and she’s having lots of feelings about it and if she took those feelings to a therapist instead of me that would be great. But she flat out refuses every time my dad or I bring it up.

[no-where-new-hero]

i've been contentedly pot-boiling for most of this year and accepting the fact that now is just not the time for novels, but last night i actually had an idea for something long-form again, maybe this will be the thing that turns me around?

[todayisafridaynight]

Hey so Snap this is going to be so fucking weird, but honestly don’t care. So I was watching a clip of Drag Race Philippines and it was the make over episode and I think they were making over family members and this father was all about getting into drag. So, I just wanted to tell you never forget how much of a lovely loving kind and caring father you have, who loves you and protects you and makes you feel heard. That’s all.

i'd have to die before i forget how great my dad is thank you for the opportunity to brag about him again anon

[oneroomjestershow]

this is what i have been doing since June 15, i will introduce them officially later

[morphestic]

been too long since i offered a song!!! another off the grid dazai one bc i found another one BUT day traitor by younger hunger

I'm not gonna lie, I thought of beastzai while reading the lyrics

I can change my life I can turn back time Like Granger did -> (harry potter PoA reference RAAHH) Sit back and watch me spin

but instead of changing his life, Dazai is trying to change save Odasaku's and instead of turning back time, he's creating new universes.

The older that I get The less it all makes sense Is that just me? Is it my simulation Or just another person's memory Of someone who looked like me

'the less it all makes sense' -> he must have been so tired trying to save Oda repeatedly but failing. There had to have been a point where he wondered if it was even possible, right?

I wouldn't actually know though, I could be very wrong.

Anyway! On to off the grid Dazai!! Yes! I should have started with that first

You are yesterday Confidence, my confidence is fake When I'm Losing my mind trying to stay safe

you are yesterday -> 'you' could be Odasaku or mafia him. I think either could be fitting.

my confidence is fake -> I really like to think Dazai sometimes bluffs and bullshits through certain strategies, he can't always be right. Definitely has to have panicked once or twice but never shows it outwardly. His confidence is fake, a facade he always puts on.

Losing my mind trying to stay safe -> The challenge it must have been for Dazai to keep himself healthy (enough, and I say this because I know he did the bare minimum) and alive just to fulfill Odasaku's promise. Recovery, even if it's just a little, is hard.

Box out my teenage bedroom I found the note you wrote to me The only proof I have It happened not just in a dream

What happened to the pictures Dazai took of the trio in bar Lupin? I'm pretty sure he has them, somewhere. Maybe one of the only things he took with him when he left the mafia, his only way of remembering Oda's face. And he most definitely stared at them during long nights while he was under the radar.

Poor guy, those must've been tough years. I need Asagiri to drop a short novel of Dazai's time under the radar, there's no way he just sat there and did nothing for two years.

[koeal]

For the fanfic i talked about, aka my FIRST ever fanfic, it deals with some very heavy topics to be point it get uncomfortable, so if that's not your thing, i also have a oneshot that i wrote! Still, getting motivation to write stuff is hard, but i do this because i wanna have fun exploring ideas and hypotheticals..

Your videos kind of got me into Dreamswap not gonna lie, especially the 'Ask Dreamswap' video! I'm planning on writing out more oneshots so that i don't only have like two fanfics on my work dashboard (my username on AO3 is Lizzy_Evergarden if you're wondering)

You are like, a big inspiration to me, made me want to get into drawing again, but drawing in also just a hobby which i do on and off, haven't really tried to understand anatomy which is okay because art should be something fun!!

Because as long as you have fun creating than that's all that matters honestly..

Anyways, if you want some Dreamswap Angst fics i'm the person, but of course i also write fluffy stuff too... i am not entirely evil... i just like writing my favourite characters suffering but they also deserve joy!! happiness!!!

Sorry for rambling.. AGAIN, i'll make sure to remember your birthday!! If you could have a birthday wish what would it be? Also, what's an idea of a story you have for Dreamswap or a scenario you always wanted to see play out? (I am asking this for your birthday gift... *wink wink*)

Some heavy topics do make me uncomfortable so thank you for warning me about it<3 I will definitely read your oneshot and I will still have a look on your story of course, I will be just more careful with it. I hope that soon you won't struggle with motivation no more, and as you said, having fun with doing things is so important too!

(Making your favs suffer is something completely reasonable, really:D)

And thank you so much for these nice things you said! I'm so happy to hear I inspired you, you are just so sweet!!

My birthday wish, well, I don't think I have anything in mind? Though it would be nice if my allergy would just let me anjoy summer in peace haha, besides that I can't think of much else

Also oh gosh, the fact you even thought about gift for me is a lot, THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE SO LOVELY<33 Sadly I don't have much ideas? I often enjoy the "slice of life type" of things but that's it really (and if it's not your thing or you just don't feel like it you don't have to do anything! I'm feel honored still!)

Remember to create what you like and have fun with it! I will support your journey regardless!!<3

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

hey scream with me (the essay is killing me)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA