#again to reiterate this is the first thing i've ever posted so be kind to me mfers

[solarmorrigan]

For the angst prompt thing: Steddie and "Don't fucking touch me."

Hello! Thank you very much for sending a prompt, I'm sorry it took me so long to post, but I do think this one is my favorite out of all the fills I've done for this prompt list <3

[No warnings; Unnamed Freak (who apparently got a name in the most recent novel, but I didn't know that at the time) is named Oliver]

Angsty-ish Prompt List

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“I’m gonna step outside for a minute,” Steve leans in to murmur in Eddie’s ear, even though the music isn’t that loud.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Eddie nods, and only just keeps himself from turning to catch Steve’s mouth in a kiss when he feels the brush of his lips against his ear; it’s not his fault he’s developed some kind of Pavlovian association between having Steve’s mouth anywhere near his skin and receiving kisses – but they do have company.

Said company is just Gareth, Jeff, and Oliver, but still. Eddie has some decorum.

Steve stands from the couch and the arm he’d had slung around Eddie’s shoulders slides away slowly, his hand brushing warm and heavy over the back of Eddie’s neck, thumb stroking once, familiarly, along the side of his throat before disappearing entirely as Steve moves towards the front door. He doesn’t do so great with groups of people in small spaces anymore; the noise gets to him, and the heat generated by so many bodies in close proximity tends to give him a headache, so he takes breaks now and then, just to give his brain a few minutes to unbend.

The door swings open on silent hinges (Steve had attacked it with a can of WD-40 and a look of determination earlier today, insisting he couldn’t stand the squeaking anymore; he’s always doing things like that around the house – little repairs, organizing, picking things up, even though Eddie insists he doesn’t have to. He says he wants to, the endearing little weirdo) and Steve steps out into the cool evening, leaving Eddie and the boys behind in the warm light of the trailer’s main room.

“So,” Jeff says, looking up from his spot on the floor and gesturing vaguely at Eddie with his beer can, “how’s that going for you guys?”

Eddie blinks at him. “How’s what going?”

“The whole thing between you two,” Jeff clarifies, and Eddie raises a skeptical brow at him.

“You wanna talk about me and Steve having sex?” Eddie asks.

Jeff’s nose scrunches in distaste. “What? No.”

“Not ever,” Gareth jumps in.

“I mean…” Oliver says with a shrug, flinching when Gareth pelts him with a balled-up napkin.

“No,” Gareth reiterates.

“I refuse to apologize for simple curiosity,” Oliver sniffs, and Eddie, seated next to him on the couch, gives him a shove.

He’s glad his friends are accepting – supportive, even (he’d like to say he wouldn’t hang out with them if they weren’t, but let’s be real: nerds could be hard to come by in their neck of the woods, and as long as they were the quiet type of homophobic, Eddie would probably still play D&D with them. But he’s glad they’re not), but he does have some boundaries.

Like, one or two, maybe.

“I just meant the whole… dating thing,” Jeff says, taking a sip from his beer. “Because I’ll be honest, I really didn’t see it at first, but it actually seems to be working out.”

“Dating?” Eddie parrots blankly.

“Yeah. You guys are in, like, some kind of never-ending honeymoon phase or some shit,” Gareth says. “Hasn’t it been over two months?”

“Uhhh, no, I think you gentlemen are confused,” Eddie drawls. “Steve and I are not dating.”

This declaration is met with a moment of silence.

“Seriously?” Oliver finally says.

“Yep,” Eddie replies easily. “No relationship shit here. Strictly a friends-with-benefits-type deal.”

“Seriously,” Olver says again, flatly this time.

“Yes, Oliver, seriously,” Eddie huffs, reaching over to give him another shove, only to have his hand pushed away.

“Eddie, he was practically sitting in your lap just now,” Jeff says. “You two are all over each other.”

“Constantly,” Gareth adds.

Eddie shrugs. “It’s not like this is a big couch; we gotta squish. Anyway, Steve’s just a touchy kind of guy.”

“He doesn’t sit like that with any of us,” Gareth points out.

“Yeah, well, you guys aren’t the ones receiving benefits,” Eddie says. “You want him to sit on your lap? You could ask.”

Gareth lets his head hang back with a noise of frustration. “That’s not the point, and you know it.”

“Don’t you two go on dates?” Jeff asks. “I’ve seen you at the movies. You talk about going out to eat, doing other shit…”

“Yeah, see, that’s the friends part of friends with benefits,” Eddie snarks. “Friends hang out sometimes, I’ve been told. We are all, in fact, hanging out right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m dating any of you.”

“You don’t see the way he looks at you?” Oliver asks, and Eddie can’t help but scoff.

He appreciates the fact that Oliver is passionate about pretty much anything he does, but it also means he’s given to romanticizing. He doesn’t usually manage to drag Jeff or Gareth in with him, though.

“Pretty sure he looks at me like a friend, because that’s what we are.” Eddie rolls his eyes before offering a smarmy little grin. “I mean, I’m sure he looks at me as an exceptionally attractive friend, but that’s it.”

“Genuinely can’t tell if you’re fucking with us, man,” Jeff says, rolling his eyes.

“Genuinely, I am not,” Eddie promises, taking the last viable swallow from his beer before getting up and heading for the kitchen, wiggling his empty can at the others with a raised eyebrow in question. Gareth raises his own near-empty can with a shrug and Eddie nods. “Look,” he says as he ducks towards the fridge, “Steve isn’t the kinda guy you have a relationship with, anyway, you know?”

Eddie doesn’t mean this in a negative way, just as a matter of fact. Steve just doesn’t seem to be a relationship kind of guy. Nancy had been something of an outlier, in how long she and Steve had lasted, and it had become clear after the dust from the Upside Down had settled that he really doesn’t have any interest in pursuing her further. Just the other day, he’d mentioned to Eddie how difficult relationships can be, and about how glad he is they have their thing together instead.

“Being with you is just… easy,” Steve had said; he hadn’t been looking at Eddie at the time, his face instead pillowed on Eddie’s chest, hair sticking to his naked skin where the sweat was still cooling from their last round, but Eddie could see the edge of a smile on his lips.

And Eddie doesn’t have much experience with relationships himself, but he knows that being friends with Steve is easy and that the sex feels equally easy and that the way he’d agreed with Steve and carded his fingers through his hair had sent Steve right to sleep with that same smile still in place.

Easy.

Now, Eddie shoves his head into the fridge and reaches for the beers that have somehow gotten pushed to the back. “It’s nothing major, okay?” he calls back towards the living room.

“Eddie…” Gareth calls back, an edge to his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.” Eddie waves vaguely, making sure to grab a second beer. “Anyway, Steve’s a good friend, and he’s really hot, and we’re just having fun.”

The bang of the front door against the frame startles Eddie so badly he nearly smacks his head on the underside of the freezer as he stands, a beer clutched in each hand like he might be able to use them as projectiles.

There is no threat, though – just Steve, who had apparently failed to catch the screen door before it had shut too quickly behind him. He doesn’t seem to have noticed; he’s just standing there, staring at Eddie, color rising high in his cheeks, eyes wide and shocked, like he’s just been slapped.

Concern wells up from Eddie’s gut, and he opens to his mouth to ask what’s wrong when Steve finally speaks.

“Yeah,” he croaks, “I’m not having fun.”

Eddie’s brows furrow in confusion, the beginnings of cold dread trickling into his veins well ahead of any conscious thought.

“I think I– I think I should go,” Steve says.

He grabs his keys from the side table by the door, where they’ve lived next to Eddie’s and Wayne’s for the last few months whenever he’s been at the house, and then he’s gone again, the screen door banging shut once more behind him.

And Eddie has no idea what just happened, but he knows it wasn’t good. He drops the beers on the counter and bolts out the door after Steve.

Steve is nearly to his car by the time Eddie scrambles down the front steps, and he’s paying absolutely no attention when Eddie calls after him.

“Steve,” Eddie tries again, stumbling to a stop right behind him as he jams his keys into the driver’s side lock. “Steve, for fuck’s sake, what–” he reaches out, wrapping one hand around Steve’s bicep, and Steve jerks out of his grip.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Steve snaps.

Eddie pulls his hand back, but doesn’t step away, entirely baffled by the sudden turn the evening has taken. “What the hell happened back there?”

Steve goes still, grip going lax on his keys. “I heard what you said, Eddie.”

“About – about what? Are you mad I was talking to them about us sleeping together? Because, Steve, they already knew,” Eddie insists, a little incredulous. “You said you were fine with them knowing! You were practically feeling me up in front of them!”

“I don’t give a shit if they know we’re having sex!” Steve hisses, finally whirling around to look at Eddie. “I meant the rest. About how I’m not the kind of guy you have a relationship with.”

Eddie’s stomach sinks. He hadn’t realized that was such a sensitive subject. “I – shit, I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, I just didn’t think you wanted–”

“About how we’re just having fun,” Steve cuts in, and if he’d sounded raw before, his voice is practically ground down to nothing now.

That brings Eddie up short. “…aren’t we?” he asks after a moment.

Steve says nothing.

“I mean, shit, Steve, it’s not like we’re in a relationship,” Eddie says, offering a little laugh, because even Steve would have to admit that the idea is a little silly.

Except.

Except Steve just glances away, staring at the ground beside Eddie’s feet, and – oh, shit.

“Oh, shit.”

Steve is still unnervingly silent, one arm curled around his middle while the other hand comes up to pinch briefly at the bridge of his nose. He still won’t look at Eddie.

“You… you thought we were,” Eddie says dumbly, and Steve shrugs.

“Can you blame me? We spend all our time together, Eddie. I’m here more than I’m at my own house, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve slept in my own bed in the last month. We go out and do things together, I try to keep things nice around the house because I want Wayne to like me, we have, like, a lot of sex, and– we… I mean, we kiss and touch and just – do shit like that even when it doesn’t lead anywhere.” Steve shrugs helplessly, finally looking up. “I mean, Christ, Eddie, what did you think we were doing?”

“I thought we were friends!” Eddie insists. Steve throws him an incredulous look and Eddie amends, “With benefits!”

“Right.” Steve’s expression flattens back out, going cold and hard and unlike anything Eddie’s become used to from him. “Because I’m not the kind of guy you’d want to have a relationship with.”

“I said that because I thought you didn’t want to be in a relationship!” Eddie snaps. “It’s not like you stay with anyone for very long, so I just assumed you didn’t want to be with anyone.”

Some of the ice retreats from Steve’s face, leaving a watering kind of hurt in its stead. “Do you listen to me at all when I talk?”

“What? Of course I do!” Eddie might have gotten turned around in certain respects, but he will not have his merits as a friend called into question; of course he listens to Steve.

“Are you sure? Because I talk about you an awful lot. I talk about doing things with you, about doing things in the future with you,” Steve says pointedly, “about how I want to stay with you.”

And Eddie had wanted Steve to stay with him, too. He’s just been thinking – well, he’d thought it was because they get along so well, that Steve had wanted to stick around. That it had only made sense.

“We never talked about… being anything else,” Eddie says, the protest a little weak even to his own ears. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.”

Steve pulls a sharp breath in, pinching at the bridge of his nose again; he leaves his hand there this time, eyes scrunched shut. “Just a few days ago, I told you how much I liked being with you. How good and how easy it felt compared to anyone else I’ve ever been with,” he says, barely more than a rough whisper. “And you said…”

I like being with you, too.

Eddie had said that.

He’d meant that he likes being around Steve, likes being his friend, definitely likes having sex with him, but he’d said it while combing his fingers through Steve’s hair, while cuddled up with him in bed, and – okay, yes, he can see the mixed signals there. He can see where Steve might have gotten the idea that they didn’t have an arrangement, that they were just together.

“I– I didn’t mean–”

“Obviously,” Steve snaps, dropping his hand from his face and turning back towards his car.

Eddie tsks, frustrated, and reaches out to grab Steve’s wrist – not pulling, just trying to keep his attention.

“Don’t,” Steve warns him, pulling back from his grasp for a second time.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on,” Eddie tries desperately. “I really… I really didn’t.”

“Yeah. I can see that. But Eddie…” Steve is quiet for a moment, posture so tense and still that Eddie suspects he’s not even breathing. “I’m probably the best-qualified asshole around to tell you that you really have to fucking think about how what you’re doing affects the people around you.”

Somehow, that stings more than any screamed insult Steve could have thrown at him.

“Steve…”

“I’ll come get my shit out of your place tomorrow,” Steve says, low and sharp, before getting into his car and slamming the door behind him.

After that, Eddie has no choice but to step back or get run over, and he watches until Steve’s taillights are no longer visible.

He can hear the hissing of some whispered conversation just beyond the door as he trudges back up the front steps, but his friends fall conspicuously quiet the moment he steps inside.

“…hey,” Gareth finally ventures after several seconds of awkward, sticky silence.

“Hey,” Eddie says flatly.

“Do you… want us to stay?” Jeff asks.

Slowly, Eddie shakes his head. “I think I should… I need to– think about shit.”

The boys all nod, throwing him variously sympathetic glances and clapping him on the shoulder on their way out. Oliver pauses, as if he’s going to say something, but Gareth gives him a shove and gets him out the door before he has the chance. Probably for the best.

Eddie feels numb as he trudges back towards his room, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

He flops down on his bed, face landing in a pillow that smells entirely too much like Steve’s shampoo. Probably because it’s on the side of the bed that Steve always takes. Next to the nightstand with the small stack of sports magazines that definitely aren’t Eddie’s. And the spare pair of glasses that also isn’t Eddie’s.

With a low tug in his gut, Eddie realizes how much of Steve’s stuff has crept into his room, into the trailer, into his life – how much Steve has become a part of his life, how much of Eddie’s day has been built around him, how much he’s come to lean on his presence, has come to want him there.

And Steve is going to take it all back sometime soon. Take all of his things away before he removes himself from Eddie’s life, too, because Eddie hadn’t been thinking and he hadn’t been careful and he hadn’t realized–

Eddie’s pretty sure he just broke up with Steve.

He’s also pretty sure he hadn’t wanted to.

His main consolation, as he curls up on his side, nose still buried in Steve’s pillow, is that as soon as Robin hears what happened (and she will hear, he has no doubt), she’ll probably come murder him.

At least he won’t have to wallow for long.

Part 2

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1

(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok) Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy

Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time

The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<

We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.

Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.

I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND

I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.

The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him

I'm DECEASED

OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)

Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them

Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2

Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...

This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.

Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.

The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.

The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here

Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you

Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.

Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)

OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.

Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.

Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.

I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!

More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.

HANDS!!!

We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics

Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus

(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)

Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.

Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now

This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.

omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position

Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now

To part 2 with all the cute shots!!

[weirdtinkerer]

Metroid thoughts

Ok, so there's a post that's been going around about how Samus Aran is trans (not just because one of the developers used some colorful terms regarding her gender, but also because she is gendered male until she fights a giant female brain, escapes the planet, and FINALLY gets to present as femme- you know the one?) I've been replaying Metroid Fusion and turning that over in my mind, and it kinda reframes Adam Malcovich, the dude from Metroid Other M who dies and gets turned into her computer. As I recall things, Samus isn't ever referred to with gendered terms throughout most of the series (in the Prime games, she's referred to as "The Hunter" by the space pirate logs, in federation force she's referred to as "the legendary Samus Aran", etc). I might be misrembering, but I think the first time in the series expressly gendered language is used for Samus is Adam Malcovich referring to her as "Lady", which is the main aspect of Adam's identity that gets reiterated upon again and again in the later parts of the series. For me, and once again, this might just be wild headcanoning, the reason why Samus listens to Adam is because Adam is being affirming of her identity- not some kind of weird "love your government handler boss" bullshit.

[akookminsupporter]

My dearest Rosie,

I’ve been thinking on what to say since I saw those awful and insulting asks directed at you. My first inclination was to blast that ignorant, asinine, rude, entitled, foolish and arrogant anon who decided to offer their unsolicited opinion. However, talking to people who are puffed up in their own importance and think they know everything isn’t worth our precious time. Not to mention GoGo already said everything that needed to be said to one such as that person. To you I say this:

1) You have no reason to feel bad, humiliated, upset, ashamed or any other negative emotion that person was trying to make you feel by saying what was said. You don’t owe anyone any explanations AT ALL. It’s infuriating that you were made to feel less than by someone being cowardly behind the screen comfortable in their Anon status.

2) Your English is amazing and even more so that you’re self taught. You are always clear, articulate and concise. And since we’re running around declaring if we’re native English speakers now, as a native English speaker myself what you said was accurate, on point and exactly what business is about. So to reiterate what others have said, reading comprehension is a thing and native English speaker or not, Anon purposely missed the point because they were too busy throwing shade and being trifling. That’s on them and not on you.

3) How you support the guys is your choice and no one has the right to say you don’t support them just because you can’t buy their music and merch. Since no one is paying my bills and taking care of my responsibilities they sure as heck don’t have a say in how I spend the money I earn. I love the guys and support them but if I don’t like the music from the solo era or any era I’m not buying it. That’s a waste of money that could truly go to help someone else. If I like it I’ll buy it, If I don’t I won’t. Just because I may not buy it doesn’t mean I’m not streaming, voting and supporting in other ways. It’s no one’s business how I do that as long as it’s not illegal or immoral, imo. That doesn’t make any of us less of a fan than apparently these entitled rich children who like to run around on blogs flexing their superiority and their stupidity.

Your blog is wonderful, Rosie and so are you. I love how you present your points of view. Please don’t let ugly cruel minded people steal your joy or your confidence. There’s different types of poor and being poor in knowing how to be a decent human being is the worse kind of poor there is. So just know you’re rich in your kindness of heart, your sense of humor and your love and support of the guys, your willingness to put up with aggravating anons when most of us wouldn’t do it. You’re rich where it counts, Rosie and don’t ever forget it.

And now you made me cry for different reasons, @ejassy! Thank you for such nice words and thank you for the support you have always had for my blog and me. I want to take the opportunity of this incredible message to thank all of you. To everyone who wrote a supportive comment on several of the posts, I made yesterday. Thank you to the people who sent me Asks saying they supported me and sent a hug, a word of encouragement. Thanks to those of you who wrote to me privately…. Thank you.

You are the main reason why I am still here. Those of you who have been here almost from the beginning know that sometimes it hasn't been easy and even though that's the worst Ask I've ever been sent, your support never wavered. Some of you may not believe me but I owe you guys a lot, you have unknowingly saved me many times. Last night when I started answering Asks I was having one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had in a long time and this blog somehow saved me. It was the middle of the night in my country and I couldn't do much but you guys helped me. The person who sent me that Ask unfortunately threw it all away more or less but your support again helped me. The internet is a double-edged sword it's true, but sometimes it can be your salvation. For that and more, thank you.

Gracias.

[luescris]

*inhales* Okay. Spoilers for 56. I think I'm able to get my thoughts out now.

Listen. The urge to go through every single panel of this issue is so real. There's so much to talk about for every single one of them, so many things to notice. But TDLR???

I don't want to sound biased. Because I know the others need it too. But Sonic needs FUCKING therapy.

Idk how many times I've said this but I will continue to say it until the day I die (because I just know this ain't happening in the least 🙃). He's gone through so much shit, and the two faces he makes that shows this???

These are faces we never see. Ever.

One genuinely looks like he's about to snap. The other shows exactly just how much what she said, and what happened, truly affects him. He's so shocked and horrified. Again.

I will reiterate again that I know they all need therapy. Words can't describe what I feel about what happened to Surge and Kit yet, except for "what the fuck" and "oh my god". They're gonna need their own post about just how fucked up they are (and how I now personally hate Starline too for everything he did to these children). I don't intend to make this too long, and since Sonic's my favorite, he's gonna be the first-- not to sure I'm making one of these for Surge and Kit though so, yeah, haha. Maybe this will sound biased idk ajshdhhs 😅

a n y w a y

I want to start off by saying that what Surge said to him is definitely fucking with him big time. Like imagine almost your whole personality, your whole life, has been about fighting for yourself and other's freedom.

Only to find out that you can't give someone that freedom simply because you're living.

He can't offer Surge that kind of peace. Maybe by some miracle (which happens often so this potentially might happen), he finds a way, and maybe he's probably not discouraged about it. But who knows where they even went now? How would Sonic even go about trying??

Furthermore, Sonic was clearly not happy when Eggman was mentioned. Furthermore, he almost drowned, which is a big fear for him (obviously shown in this issue alone), and practically watched Surge like. Idk come close to dying or something

The way they framed it looked like she freaking di e d (I even thought she did but she just passed out but just. good lord). Even if she didn't, his face says so much, and he's tongue tied. There's no quips, no retorts at Eggman, he doesn't have the energy to continue. He couldn't even pull himself and Tails up.

And the way the Wisps we're always clinging onto him?? Could be partly for their own support, but could also be trying to comfort Sonic too. He doesn't even seem to mind it at all either.

I feel like it's going to take just a little bit more before Sonic finally snaps and let's everything out. Just some little bit. Even though we most likely won't get that, if anything the next issue he'll act like nothing ever happened again. 🙃 Just wishful thinking, I guess.

He's so tired. And this was just so much. And I'm genuinely still not really sure what to do about it. 😭

[nattyontherun]

Okay. Okay fine! I'll explain (some!) of the YOI IWTV AU :] (no one asked. The one person who asked has been crying and served me divorce papers already. That's alright, I'll win them back. @sugarbunbie haha takemebackplsibegimnothingwithoutyo-- EHM EHM ANYWAYS!!)

So I've been having brainworms. Brainworms in proportions hitherto undreamth of. And those brainworms begin and end with Viktor as Lestat!

Haha. I'm not joking.

If you follow me on AO3, or at least read a few of my latest (very short) fics, you'll be well aware that the reason I've slowed down writing is because my laptop is busted and I've been using my phone to update stuff. Very sad, I know. What I did NOT account for, however, is the utter lack of decorum watching s2 of IWTV would give me, let alone the grand ol' idea of making a YOI AU out of it.

I'm still kinda stuck at the stage where haha, Viktor!Stat.

Anyways seeing as updates are slow and, very likely, I won't dive beyond IWTV s1-2 in terms of plot points (and since it's not a 1:1, at all, I say that with a lot of caveats. Character journey, perchance? Emotionally, rather than physically and actually. Smth smth self actualization for our LouClaudia characters, ehm. As I was saying!!) so I figured I'd make a small Tumblr post the way I did for my NRT threesome AU series ( - which I HAVE NOT DROPPED BTW!!! It's just really long and plotty, and I need an actual writing-specific device to work on it since I need to do more research!!!), just explain a few things that may be lost to the crevices of the AU series.

1. I described the first part of the series, seek me with dead eyes (embody me) as kind of a stand-in for the San Francisco fiasco in 1973, because it's not a proper "interview". I'm debating on keeping it that way for the sake of a more compact story, particularly because I don't plan to delve more into the "DM" of this AU,,,, but I will confirm that the interview with Georgi is the basis for many of the fics that follow, even if Georgi doesn't feature predominantly/at all.

2. Yes, there will be Yuuri and Viktor-centric fics to come. Yuuri's will probably be the last one of the series, and the Viktor fic will be a gift. I'm honestly excited to write it, he's the whole reason I bothered to drag my fingers over my phone keyboard and WORK at this au!!

3. Reiterating that Yuri and Yuuri share the burden of being both Louis and Claudia, for the reason that neither of them could EVER be a 1:1 of either of those characters and to put them in such boxes would be a disservice to all four characters involved lmao.

It's particularly for this reason, plus the fact that I'm not framing Yuri as a "son" for Viktuuri, that the focus of the series has morphed. I still think and want to ensure that the AU remains very much about grief, loss and loneliness - but the heart of it will not be about the horrible death of a child.

Will the fic series be less devastating to account for these changes? Maybe? I'm very inclined towards horror myself, if you've looked into my catalogue more, so I'm not shy about introducing some of the more grotesque, vile shit that happens in IWTV, but I figure if it doesn't serve a purpose in the narrative I'm building, I won't bother with writing it out because, again, I'm using my phone and I have wrist problems djsjsjjdjd.

4. Speaking of: there are plenty more characters in the AU, from YOI, that serve as an amalgam of IWTV characters too! Unlike YuuYu however, they have no counterpart to 'shoulder the burden' so to speak. You'll probably know them when you see them, as they crop up over time. It's especially relevant for Viktor's half of the enfolding story!!

5. I'm honestly just making this Tumblr post because I'm a. Bored and b. Driving myself up the wall with each new revelation I'm making out of this AU. None of which I've put on here, I think, thankfully. Very spoiler-y, that. Hahahahahaha. I wrote much of the very first fic in a mad haze and now I'm rethreading it to write out the plot more, beyond that burst of sudden all encompassing inspiration - and I am absolutely insane. I really am. Feel free to DM me here or on Discord or utilize asks if you're intrigued or wanna toss questions - I will absolutely answer because it's all I'm yapping about for the next forever and ever.

K thanks bye!!!

[cristalin-league-official]

My Experience with Team Disco (@discoindahouse): A PSA.

...I really wish I didn't have to make this post.

As a preface: Don't harass anyone. Most people in Disco are as much victims as I was. And trying to fight fire with fire won't get us anywhere.

Hi. My name is Wyatt. I'm the Aventurine City gym leader in Cristalin and the guitarist for the band Double Time.

And I was convinced to go to one of Team Disco's discos. This is that story. -W

The story begins some months ago. I was approached by a man who calls himself the DJ. He told me that the purpose of Team Disco was to bring novelty to music. I don't necessarily agree that today's popular music is boring, but art is subjective, and I can always get behind new voices in the industry. So I told him that sounds fun.

Nat, a friend of mine, was rightfully worried about the organization, but, as far as I was concerned at the time, they were just being overprotective.

There's this member of Team Disco. You know her as Rush, and that's the name I'm going to be referring to her by for this post's purposes, to protect her privacy. As I mentioned, she's a victim too. If you're reading this... I'm so sorry. I know what you think I'm doing, and I really wish I didn't have to write this post. Rush and I became quick friends.

A little while back, the DJ opened invitations to join Team Disco. I was talked down from this, because I already have several commitments, but I was also invited to come to one of their discos. Against Nat's warnings (which I once again saw as overprotectiveness), I accepted.

I was escorted to the disco once I arrived in the city by Mod Rush. I was anxious, but I decided it was just nerves over doing a new thing, and I pushed it away.

The first red flag should have been the sewer. Now, I'm not going to judge locations, I've been to some great out-of-the-way places, but if you, as an allegedly popular organization, are holding a party in an abandoned warehouse that can only be accessed via the sewer system... That might be something to start questioning.

I didn't question it though. I was busy pretending I didn't notice anything wrong.

The next red flag should have been the entire crowd waving at me in creepy synchronization. Once again, I ignored it. I was the guest of honour, after all, leaving would be rude. And maybe they were just tight-knit.

The music was good. The DJ sent out a Loudred, I participated in a dance battle. Rush came on stage, and she's a really good singer. All was well.

Until everything stopped. The crowd went completely rigid.

And Rush stopped singing. And... The DJ sent out a Hypno.

I panicked, but then, suddenly, I didn't remember what was happening. I shrugged it off and went back to dancing.

At the end of the night, I was convinced it was the most fun I'd ever had. And hey, it was a pretty good time, up until the Hypno thing.

I only got back the next morning. I got about three hours of sleep. Nat... was concerned, but I was still reeling from last night. It was the best night of my life, or so I figured.

The whole thing's kind of fuzzy, but I remember being... weirdly happy. Like everything was suddenly alright, and nothing would ever change again. I barely slept, ate, or drank water. Being tired wasn't on my mind, and I had better things to do.

Then came the day of the concert. I was still hyped. And everything backstage went great. I looked great, felt great. I was sure it was gonna be an awesome concert.

When I started playing, though, it changed. Something about playing my own music... broke the Hypno's influence, I guess. Obviously, I immediately felt like shit. I hadn't slept, and only minimally ate or drank water. I passed out backstage, and the rest is history.

...So that's what happened. Please, don't repeat my mistakes. And, I want to reiterate, I do not condone harassing the DJ or anyone else involved. This is just meant to be a warning. Thank you.

[aghhtdraws]

ship name or not?

so I wanted to make a short post to get these thougs off my head but it'll get lost on my main so here it goes!

this doesn't really concern anyone who usually visits this blog for art, but it's more a thinkpiece related to the newer/younger tmnt Leo x Usagi ship (rottmnt x usagi chronicles respectively)

I’m seeing a lot of confusion (kinda) abt the tags to use and want to propose an alternative. How about “yuinardo” ? it sounds kind of funny (like the two characters), doesn’t sound like anything else (as far as my google search can reach), uses both their unique names and also capitalizes on how Rise!Leo is often called Nardo by his brothers as a nickname - among others, but that’s one of his most unique nicknames in the series and feels unique to Rise specifically. And Yui bc Yuichi - also just his name but a unique part of it.

I guess maybe the longer name could be something like "cityxfarm sword" bc those are the three consistent elements abt this younger ship. I know the latter is kind of uncreative but I can't think of anything better atm haha x'D

I was never around much for the 2003 leosagi ship bc- I was a baby on neopets and not online enough for that? 2003 tmnt was pretty new here and didn't air as often/quickly but also even in the later 00s, I did not really seek out fanfic relating to it bc - again, teen with not enough time lol, also social media and internet weren't really the thing they are now, so i wasn't really aware there could be fanfic of it. shipped and read other things. So maybe I don't know all my leosagi history. I kinda stayed away from the tmnt fandom in general bc it was mostly all angsty which I didn't really gel with anymore. alternatime ship names have always been a thing in all fandoms but I think right now we've been having the most versions of these two characters or this dynamic than ever before.

the 2018 Rise Leo x Usagi Chronicles has been getting more popular. ROTTMNT was a 2018 reiteration of the tmnt for animation that was really under-appreciated and has slowly become more appreciated as the fandom re-grew with the 2022 movie in august.

Usagi Chronicles is a spin-off/soft-reboot led by fans of Usagi Yojimbo, Stan Sakai's original comic about Miyamoto Usagi, but this time he is a great ancestor of a new character, Yuichi Usagi! and this Usagi is a creation of Doug and Candie Langdale (exec producers) + Khang Le (who I think designed/developed Yuichi's look?). So basically this is like a canon-supported fan-AU with an original character cast thematically based on the og comic cast (Usagi and his friends match Miyamoto Usagi and *his* friends) + the "Senso" Usagi comic as a worldbuilding point.

His naming is a bit confusing bc in Japan, Yuichi is usually a first name, but here in the show it feels like it's treated like a surname. But apparently, there was an intentional marketing move to have this be the opposite? So his real surname is Usagi, while his given name is Yuichi? There was a whole post about it, but I can't remember where else I've heard it.

Anyway, this series is my fave right now and I think it's fun in both it's lightheartedness and it's more touching moments and I love all the character and family dynamics and themes that it has. I think it's fun that people ship him and Rise!Leo because they are actually really similar in some personality aspects. I saw this show, realized there was crossover potential with Rise and thought, "oh, it'll be fun to do actiony scenes and stories with this kind of friendship!" Anyway, I'll do a deep-dive on that later.

Everybody likes this young version of Leo and then I guess at some point before 2021, other fans started making ship art/fic with Usagi? Often their own versions of Miyamoto Usagi, fitted for the Rise TMNT world bc the two never managed to have a crossover with this iteration bc of Nickelodeon pausing the show abruptly in 2020. I wasn't very online in 2018 so idk when else the ship happened, maybe when the finale of the show aired and the "unpausing" was finalized and fans realized there wasn't going to be a crossover? but now with the movie, more ppl have discovered that there's also a cartoon series for Usagi! And more people are slowly understanding/remembering maybe that this Usagi character has had previous iterations, ppl make their own versions/AUs for fun based on the newer Usagi show, or they don't watch the Usagi show and just make their own modern/ROTTMNT versions of Miyamoto Usagi in general.

This ship is a bit unique bc they are stated to be exactly the same age and they have very similar vibes as characters (goofs on the team + faux confidence + showoffs). When I first found that other people shipped this too, I just called it "2020s Leosagi" bc again, just the main thing abt them is that they're younger characters for a younger audience in their respective shows. + it's funny that there's almost a Leosagi friendship for every decade. I've also heard the term "cringe naenae babies" from friends but i don't really know what this meme means lol xD

I don't have beef or anything with the Leoichi/Leochi tag+name but it's sorta confusing for me personally bc it sounds both too short vocally and also like Leo's alone or something (Leo+ichi) I'm not fluent in japanese so I might b wrong, but just a thought. Leochi sounds similarly short.

then there's also the Usagi's who are complete OCs (w new names) and where do you fit those ships? and idk, I guess I just wanted to think abt this YuiNardo ship name more in-depth, just to think abt it , a bit for fun, bc I really do think it's a fun name but also make a new umbrella term, so maybe people would find it easier to tag stuff! but I usually don't interact with other fans in larger fandoms and ship fandoms like this so idk, this could easily be more confusing x3

Anyway, I think as fandoms and shipping go, it would be more fun to have multiple tags for different experiences, +these are different ships/versions of the characters so it feels like it would make sense. Just my fandom experience from previous years + for organizing/better finding + I feel like shipping should be fun, cuz in the end, this is just based from the og TMNT and Usagi creators being friends and making smth fun with these characters!

TL;DR - YuiNardo sounds like a funny/fun leosagi ship name for this younger iteration of the Rise!Leo-Yuichi Usagi friendship/relationship, and I wanna use it as the ship name going forward bc ships should b about fun and creativity, right? anyway, u can also use it if u want to! no pressure, just sorta putting it out there. - Aghht out!

Addendum(1.03.23): apparently, the Katanashipping tag was specifically for the 2003 ship - as well as the og Leosagi tag, bc that Leo x Miyamoto Usagi started it all. That makes sense! Sorry that I mis-tagged it originally! I did not know until finding the tags on tumblr and going thru them to the start of the tag - bc I'd been keeping away from the tmnt fandom for a long time after the 12 show + never saw it during the 03 show's run bc I wasn't online as much + social media didn't exist in the way it does now. I think everyone used Leosagi for that bc it made sense. I'll keep the tags for this post specifically in the hopes that more ppl will find it then and it'll give food-for-thought about this. Katanashipping of course doesn't make as much sense for the newer ship bc the shows have not had crossovers + while both characters seem like they are a bit obsessed w swords in different teen boy ways (preferring swords bc they are big and flashy), they are not as centered about the swords or swordsmanship as much as the 03 characters.

I know it seemed more like Leosagi was a catchall for all the Leo x Usagi ships, but now it makes more sense that it's not bc it's made searching for content harder. I like the "younger version" but i like the og too bc that's what I shipped as a teen (when the 03 show characters all just looked like Really Old Teens to me). I suppose that's just how the internet's sorta become - there'd shorter memory abt stuff, but fandoms especially as folks move on from shows they like and some of the history of fandom becomes lost. I've been on social media for so long now, I totally forgot how specific ship names could get. I guess that's why I suggested YuiNardo for the "new" version - it sounds unique. If ppl already shipped Rise Leo with their own versions of a younger Miyamoto Usagi and original Usagis, the "youngest" ship with Yuichi x Rise Leo needed it's own tag and that became Leochi/Leoichi (and w the earlier Rise Leo x Usagi ships, everyone must have used the Leosagi tag then too? Further investigation must be made about this...) now this Yuichi Usagi x Rise Leo version seems unique bc Yuichi is basically a canon fancharacter in a sense, as a descendant he is like a homage. But I like the character and I see that a lot of ppl continue to make their own versions or borrow elements of the Y!Usagi from SRTUC... but this means that almost all versions of Usagi depicted by fans are ALL fanon versions... and that's fine, I like how creative fans can get! But also that means we almost never see thr "full" show version of Yuichi Usagi in fanart (altho fanfic is a different matter, if only slightly). But that makes me a bit sad bc I think this version deserves to exist in our fanon and headcanons too, y'know? I guess my flaw in all this is that I actually lile SRTUC and its own og depiction of Y!Usagi bc he is a fun character for me while not many other ppl seem to like him. Like with so many other rare shows I like where fanon is louder than canon 😂

So, yeah Yui x Nardo. cute ship. if only there was more of it ^^; But a lot of the fanworks are still really interesting in their own rights. I think I'll keep using Yuinardo for the show versions and then Leochi for any other fans' versions. That makes sense, right?

Anyway, non-serious discussion over! Just some silly fan-stuff to mull over during school breaks and other free time.

[lindszeppelin]

okay so yesterday the twitter hive got into a frenzy over V posting *checks notes* ...for posting.... *double checks notes from confusion* .....darla the dog that Austin left with her when he went to go film for Elvis.

no but fr they're heated over it. they are also assuming she was shading him with a post she reposted to her story about not giving things energy but like..that literally could be nothing but a regular post. ppl were saying things like "she never deserved him" and just really being whiny little bitches about it. personally, i don't really like V but saying something like that about a relationship you weren't in and know actually nothing about is wild, no!? it's giving unhealthy levels of parasocial relationship. they don't even like her— how did anyone see her STORY? when i thought to try and offer a different perspective i just figured it was for nought bc it doesn't seem like any of them would listen to reason. i don't give a shit she still has the dog...clearly he doesn't care. shouldn't they be more mad at that then anything? "it was his MOTHERS dog!!1!!11" yeah and they were together for a decade, i'm sure he just thinks Darla was in better hands with V🤷🏽‍♀️, especially once he started doing the press tour/award campaign run for Elvis–he was barely home ever! i don't get the anger, it's petty and misplaced and immature and (maybe even naive?) to think she's(V) evil or some sort of horrible person for this one act. let me reiterate: they were together for a decade!!! im sure after his mother passed they took care of the dog together for the majority of their relationship so in my eyes, Darla is as every bit Austin's as she is V's.

and it's very obvious they are ASSUMING she was shading him rather than idk looking the other way(or never looking in her direction in the first place bc they do not like her anyway so why disrupt your own peace and happiness for THIS?) and pretending like she doesn't exist. or simply being levelheaded and logically thinking. i have to routinely pull myself back farther away from fandoms in general bc honestly i've never really been too deep into them for this exact reason— ppl just get a tad bit too creepy and weird for me. and this moment is making me wanna leave entirely..it's almost making want to like her again too out of spite for those ppl(almost, babes, almost lmao). it's just...icky to me is all. anyway, all this to say: thoughts? lol.

i don't like vanessa for many reasons, but the shippers will always think that she's shading him for no reason. this bitch is married, like...she has MOVED ON from austin in all kinds of regards. and like i said before, people will interpret things in their own personal way and that can be a curse. from my perspective, that quote vanessa shared TO ME read as "okay guys hang it up, i have moved on and everything is okay. let's just move on from this narrative".

also idk about the discourse surrounding darla and stuff but listen, if austin was perfectly fine leaving darla with vanessa after all this time then cool. he trusts her with his mother's dog. i mean clearly vanessa loves darla and i see the pics she posts with darla. cole seems to be a good surrogate dog dad to darla too from what i can tell. so...there is no problem here.

[doctorweebmd]

so i saw you reblogging this https://www.tumblr.com/doctorweebmd/738744278835150848 (i hope the link will work?? it's the post about wanting to write soul snatching stories etc) and i wanted you to know that everything you wrote for a litany of love and loss is this to me. these two fics are some of my favorite pieces of mha fanfic and honestly count among my favorite pieces of writing of all time. they killed me dead. i left a comment but i keep thinking about it so i thought i'd reiterate because i cried my eyes out questioned my existence and dissociated for two (2) whole hours while listening to the playlist. i still listen to the playlist on the regular and think about the Themes and Execution and Story Choices and how well everything fit together and ahgghhgh. there are sentences in the first part that just. live in my head rent free. ("when i was god, i weighed the scales of the world against your continued existence, and found the answer obvious" aaaoughhhh oof i can't cope) i don't have the words but i'm so excited to read it again when it'll have settled in my mind a bit.

(and like. in general while im bad at commenting i love your writing, ive ate up everything you've written for mha and i kinda want to get into bsd just so i can read your recent pieces. so. there you go qidjkskfif i hope it's ok to send this. i'm going on anon because social anxiety is a bitch)

(╥﹏╥) i literally have tears in my eyes. honestly honestly. this is embarrassing i dont even know how to express my gratitude - i've just been sitting here trying to find a way to thank you for this without sounding insane lmao. it feels like you reached across time and space and pulled me out of a self-deprecating spiral lmao thank you so much for your kindness and for taking the time to write this like. you dont know how much it means. haha. lol?

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THATS ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES. Because Deku literally IS a god in the shape of a boy. He has infinite power and such a finite heart. And he loves so completely and so deeply and not only could it destroy him it could destroy EVERYTHING around him. Every time I think of Izuku growing up never having met Katsuki... just how gray the world must have looked in front of him... aldfjalksdfjlaks argh!!! don't have me thinking about it i am ON MY KNEES

and. honestly. i'm 100% there with you on the social anxiety thing. obviously i'm a huge slut for comments but still kinda struggle with leaving them which is SO HYPOCRITICAL AHHH. this is more than i could ever ask. like. i am kissing you sloppy for this. no joke i screenshot-ed this. it is in my camera roll. you are a part of me.

(also YES YES PLEASE come to the dark side. watch bsd. become mentally ill about a significantly inferiorly written this batshit anime. i'm struggling out here. its so good to be a bkdk honestly)

[cookinguptales]

You deserve so much better, and I'm sorry people have treated you this way for any reason. It's especially ridiculous in the context of "differing opinions about the quality of a show/season finale/creative choices," but you absolutely should not have gotten any of these comments for any reason. I love reading your work and your thoughts, but I fully understand if you don't want to share any of that again. There are things I have never posted and likely never will, entire creations that I'm never going to share, due to this exact phenomenon. Online creations, from meta to fic to everything else, are a delight and a privilege, not a given that anyone's entitled to.

You deserve better, and you have the right to share as much or little as you want. Please do what's best for you.

Thank you. This is really kind, and I appreciate it.

Honestly... like, I keep trying to not make a big deal out of this, but it feels so shitty. I know that right now I'm flaring and that makes everything seem worse than it is, but I can't tell you how demoralizing it felt to be unable to eat anything for like 24 hours, then actively pushing my dislocated fingers back into joint and looking on my phone and seeing a paragraph about what a fucking idiot I am. I just wanted to straight-up cry. This is the first time I've ever turned off anon asks, and I've gotten some real doozies over the years.

At first I felt better when I realized it was fewer people than I thought who were angry with me, but I think it's finally sinking in that there were people who hated me so much that they sent me messages for months. I don't get it! Like... I don't think I'm a particularly awful person. Not perfect, to be sure, but I try to be as nice and patient as I can be online. What the heck is so bad about me that I inspire people to follow me around for months?

It feels bad, okay! I'll admit it, it feels bad. I know we're supposed to act like we're above getting our feelings hurt by trolls online, but all this feels weird and bad. I don't like it.

I know that I'm going to keep posting my thoughts again eventually; I think I'm probably physically incapable of shutting up. My thoughts just bounce around in there driving me nuts if I don't get them out. I keep telling myself that there's a significant amount of people who do like me and do like my work and don't feel the need to send me mean comments, I reiterate, for fucking months. Sometimes that does make me feel better, and so did this ask.

idk. I'm just feeling very tired rn. Sorry to be so whiny but I'm just. Really tired. I don't know. I wish I could keep food down. I'm sure that would help my mood. But there's a lot of things I wish, I guess, and all I can really do is curl up with this heating pad and watch people build houses or something.

(...I find watching things getting built to be very soothing. lmao)

Anyway, kind of sucks when your comfort show that you usually turn to when you're stressed is one of the sources of your stress! :')

[manonamora-if]

UX anon here - thank you for your response! I didn't realize the lack of resources in the community tbh. Would it be helpful if there was a master post of basic mobile UX principles to follow? Or would it be more helpful to gather a bunch of pre-existing twine templates and iterate them to be more in line with said principles? Or both?

Hi again Anon! :D

Yeah... it's kind of a common feeling. You [general you] don't know how much knowledge/resource/time/etc you need to invest until you actually make the thing you are enjoying. I've done the same when watching movies/series, believing I could write better dialogue... lol the audacity of my brain honestly...

I did make a Twine resource list some weeks back, with all I knew/could find, but I don't think there are any resource focused on mobile only. Though I do think most templates have some sort of mobile formatting/scaling in mind (even if not perfect). So this is definitely a niche to fill!

When it comes to the nitty-gritty of things, I can't really tell you which path to take (I am just one creator in the sea of many). You could send a poll to other authors, see their input.

I would advise against, though, reiterate pre-existing twine templates without the explicit consent of the creator (it might go without saying, but just in case). They might even prefer editing their templates with those advice instead of seeing their "updated" templates available out there (that's def the case for me).

But I do think the idea of a Master Post of Basic Principles with clear instructions (and images of what is good/not good!) would definitely be helpful. It leaves you open to go in more details about other principles in the future (if you want to do so, obviously you shouldn't feel pressured).

Last bit of advice, maybe check out Twine and how the different formats have built their visuals. It probably help you understand the limitations creators face when editing their UI. Theoretically, you could do anything on Twine, especially with SugarCube/Chapbook/Snowman (Harlowe is... wonky). But there are some class that have different rules depending on them being built through CSS or JavaScript.

EDIT: IF YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR, TAG ME SO I CAN SHARE IT!!!

I'm also going on a bit more rambling, because I've realised I've had more feelings about the topic. PS: not directed at anyone in particular, just letting some steam out.

This is also my personal opinion, but I don't think (non-physical) IF was ever intended to be on mobile in the first place (ahem parsers/point-and-click...). When IF became a thing, there were no mobile (so that question was moot anyway). You just had a computer (maybe) that would run a program. I feels like it's been more of an evolution towards mobile use, as smaller/touch screens became the more prevalent device for entertainment (in general, not just IF). You have apps like CoG or HostedGames or those Story ones (they kind of look like VNs) that are very popular (and are incidentally fit for mobile...). And now we expect this of everyone that start with IF.***

While IF programs/format do allow for mobile support (to different degree), I do think we have to remind ourselves from time to time that IF creators still often create as a hobby, with often limited knowledge and resources. The fact that we sometimes/often uphold some IF to standard as high as actual game companies (who have headcounts and resources and knowledge to make things better) is just mind boggling to me (the number of asks/comments I get about my UI not looking professional because of a few mistakes...). Even trying to go through actual big company website is sometimes dreadful on mobile. Unileveeeeer *raise fist to the sky*...

Resources to make things more accessible (especially program/format specific) should be available to people, but we should leave some leeway to people who can't implement things or just don't want to. It might suck, but yeah... Think of it as computer exclusive projects (like you'd have with consoles :P ).

***Little side note, but we had a similar-ish discussion on the forum about Twine games during the IF Comp. It wasn't about mobile accessibility but the game being unstyled, and how many expected Twine entries to have some sort of styling and not just use the base UI, while the expectation was not as present (or not at all) for other programs. It is very interesting to go through.

[theinfinitedivides]

being british is not "a fast track to being not decent". if you're not living in britain then your perception is being altered by the fact that the only ones you ever fucking see on screen were born into the 0.1%.

also how did you miss the entire point of that post, the point is that any english actor allowed to have any kind of career these days is the opposite of representative of the majority of citizens. hopefully you're just a kid but if not jesus christ learn to fucking read

i was going to start this with the traditional pleasantries but it seems my general use of sarcasm (humorous or otherwise) on this main for the past 3+ years is lost on you (even though i am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt by saying that you're coming across me for the first time), so let me make it very clear: my ancestors were f*cking enslaved by the UK. there are ancestors that haven't been confirmed except through word of mouth that were most likely f*cked over by the UK in various ways. i think then, in this circumstance, that i have the right to say that the British government in general has done f*cking horrible things. the British themselves have done f*cking horrible things. i am not talking about individual people on the streets and in the countryside just trying to live their lives, i am talking about the entire f*cking system that enables sh*t like this. the British system is not decent. not at all, and if you're steeped in that like a mf*cking teabag for God knows how long, i've found it hard to discover exceptions to the societal bedrock that is racism, classism and white jackassery since we're talking about the same place that, despite giving us Shakespeare and Rickman and Princess Diana (landed gentry aside) also gave us Churchill (took the UK through WWII but engineered a f*cking famine in India bc according to him they 'breed like rabbits'), the f*cking Fiennes clan (Ralph is a JKR supporter), and Charles and Andrew and the rest of the royal f*cking family, so if that isn't a fast track to being not decent then idk what is.

that being said, sure, as cynical of a bitch that i am maybe my perception is less than ideal bc of the 0.1%, but if all of the f*cking people in charge are part of the 0.1% then how tf do you expect me to say otherwise, exactly? the reason there isn't representation is bc the industry sucks ass, which is why the only actors i'm interested in are Welsh and Irish and Scottish—the status quo rn is not concerned with allowing people with a regular 'English' background to have their time on screen, let alone LGBTQ+ and POC. and so yes, the nepo babies are going to continue to have a career, even if they act worse than f*cking paint on a drywall, and the cycle will start all over again, and we can forget about having a f*cking accurate portrayal of the average citizen any time soon, and this goes for the British film industry and Hollywood and Bollywood—contrary to your belief, i am privileged enough to have been able to learn in such a way that i was able to pick up the necessary comprehension skills needed to function meaningfully in this society without being disenfranchised. (PSA: others, i know, have not been able to. that does not make them worth any less.) i didn't know, however, that i was supposed to write an entire essay in the f*cking tags??? to explain that i did, in fact, comprehend??? and to reiterate what was already f*cking there??? i'm sorry??? just bc i chose not to address the aforementioned info and instead indirectly acknowledged that it was correct by emphazing what i did doesn't mean i didn't see it—i literally put a qualifier for the first point you brought up (something like '... if the ancestors minded their f*cking business #and lived their lives like normal human beings'). generational tendencies and traits are a thing, that's why we have a whole subset of American citizens who still think it's alright to use the f*cking N word to refer to Black people

look, i really don't know what side of the bed you woke up on and i'm sorry you felt the need to come into my inbox and bitch about this, but i hope you felt better after sending this and didn't put any of this toxicity into anyone else's space, OK? ty <333

[timeoverload]

Everything sort of makes sense now. I stumbled across some new information by accident that I wish I would have known before. I just got on facebook for the first time in a while to see if I had any notifications and got sent down the rabbit hole. I am not going to get back on there again for a long time because something bad happens every time I do. I'm not trying to be creepy and sometimes things just pop up. I guess the universe has a way of presenting information to me when I'm ready to receive it. Sometimes I just have to find things out the hard way.

Obviously I still don't know the whole story so I'm not going to jump to conclusions right now. I wish I knew what was going on but I'm not going to freak out about it anymore. I'm not going to be angry about anything. I'm not trying to attack you or make you feel bad. I hope this doesn't upset you and I don't want to embarrass you. I don't want to be rude. I am hurting a lot but I will be ok. I suppose it's none of my business otherwise you would have told me yourself. I respect your privacy and I understand now why you have been so secretive. I know that you have been through a lot of trauma and I don't want to add to that. I don't want you to feel like you have to share anything with me unless you feel comfortable doing so.

I'm actually very calm right now surprisingly. I'm very thankful that I took my anxiety meds earlier. I do feel kind of dumb for getting so worked up about things in the past. I feel really bad. I have made a fool of myself the past couple years but at least it has helped me grow a lot as a person. I have learned a lot about myself that I probably wouldn't have figured out otherwise. I realize that I have had a lot of issues that you weren't prepared to help me with and I don't expect you to do anything for me. I'm sure you have a lot going on too. I understand that you need to be there for your son and take care of him because that's very important. I can tell that you are a good dad.

This whole situation has been very confusing for me and I've felt like I've been kept in the dark for so long but I get it. I don't feel so crazy now and that's a relief. I knew that you were trying to avoid scaring me away or hurting me. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to leave you alone. I'm still here if you ever want to talk about stuff someday.

Thank you for listening to me all this time when no one else did. I still appreciate you and everything you have done for me. I wouldn't have made it though a lot of tough times without your support. I don't know if I would still be here if I hadn't met you. Thank you for being so respectful and patient with me because I know I can be difficult sometimes. I know that you are a good person and you have been so sweet to me. I think you are still very special to me and I will always care about you. You are still my favorite person. I still trust you and feel safe with you. I'm still glad the universe let me meet you. I really hope that you are doing ok and I truly want you to be happy no matter what happens. I worry about you all the time and wish I could be there for you. I miss you. I'm always thinking of you.

I think I need a couple days to process things so I might not be on here as much. I will be more active once I'm feeling better. I want to reiterate that I am fine and I'm not going to have an episode. I want to apologize again for acting so crazy in the past. I'm not sure if I'm going to sleep much tonight either so I will probably be too tired to post much. My medication is starting to make me feel loopy so I should probably be quiet now since I'm starting to have a difficult time thinking clearly. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day but I'm going to stay positive anyway. I know that things will get better in the future. I hope that you have a good day tomorrow and enjoy the rest of your week.

Maxwell, I love you unconditionally.

💖💖💖💖💖💖

[bhargrovesb]

hey guys, ever since I watched the battle of starcourt i’ve been thinking how it would have played out if steve had gotten billy out of the camaro. i wrote this in january but only just remembered i had this blog and this story sitting in my drafts. i really liked it upon rereading so i thought i’d share (:

It happened in a span of seconds.

Steve gripped the steering wheel of the Toddfather, hard. So hard that he was sure he’d leave behind 10 crescent shaped indents in the leather. The sweat from his damp palms made the steering wheel slick. He couldn’t tell if it was fear, or the sweltering July night that had him sweating.

He dared a glance over at Robin. She held on to the door handle and gave him a small nod, like she could tell what he was thinking, and agreed that there was no other choice. A combination of nausea and nerves shot through him, and he resisted the urge to wipe his hands on his shorts. Instead, he flexed his fingers and pressed down harder on the gas. The car rumbled underneath him as it gave everything it had. 

His heart beat wildly in his chest as the other driver began closing the gap between themselves and Nancy’s car, with Nancy stood stupidly in the middle. The headlights of the car illuminated Nancy perfectly. He saw her face pull into a determined look as she raised her pistol. He also saw how close he was to losing her, again. This time would be permanent if he wasn’t quick enough.

A second before impact, he closed his eyes, something he learned from years of doing stupid shit with Tommy. An image of two ten-year-olds perched in the tallest tree in the park flashed through his head. A face full of freckles stared back at him in his mind’s eye.  

“It hurts less when you fall if you don’t see the ground coming”, the redhead said before leaping.

And then it happened. The Toddfather rammed into the Camaro with a sickening crunch.

The sound of metal scraping against metal sent shivers down his spine. His head whipped back and to the side as the car spun out. The smell of burning rubber was pungent. The smell evoked another memory, and he had just barely remembered to turn into the spin. The car came to a halt, and he dared to open his eyes. Steve blinked away the swirling lights and for a second everything was quiet. Quiet, except for the single ringing tone in his ear. He squeezed his eyes closed once again, wincing at the dual pain of his brain rattling around in his head and the pulsing of his swollen eye.

“You okay?” Steve asked in a daze.

He barely had enough time to process Robin’s reply of “ask me tomorrow” when the roar of the Mindflayer diverted his attention. The giant creature made its way toward them. Its massive body eclipsing the starlit sky.

Steve hurried Robin out of the Toddfather and into the trunk of Nancy’s car. The hatch hung open behind her as he looked back at the monster advancing on them. Steve’s eyes flitted to the caved in steel blue Camaro and lingered for a moment. Hesitation.

 It was now on fire. 

The fire came up from the hood and spread across the windshield, licking at the glass. And through the peaks and valleys of the flame, he could see the shape of the unconscious boy, slumped against the door.

He looked back and forth from Robin to the kids, to the monster, and then toward the blazing metal trap.

It only took him a second to decide.

He couldn’t leave him inside of that burning car. Billy Hargrove’s death would have been on his conscience. And no matter what he led Nancy to believe, he was already struggling under the weight of Barb’s death.

“Tell Jonathon not to turn around for me. Keep going.”

Robin looked back at him with furrowed brows, confusion etched on her face as he shut the hatch behind her and shouted, “Go, go, go”. And they were off before Robin could open her mouth to protest. Steve watched for a second as they pulled off before he remembered why he had stayed behind. Turning back to the flaming Camaro, he sprinted towards it.

The air around him got thicker and hotter the closer he got to the source. Steve stopped at the driver’s door, taking in everything around him. The flame that had started at the hood had spread. Above and below. He gave a wary glance up at the sky, worried about the monster’s next move. It moved fast, its massive spindles of legs contorting unnaturally. It scurried past the mall. He didn’t even think it noticed him. Or at least he hoped it hadn’t. It didn’t seem worried about leaving its host behind. It had its eyes set on another; Eleven.

Without thinking, he grabbed at the door handle. The handle was so hot it took him a moment to register the pain he felt crawl up his arm. Like hot needles slowly sank into his skin. Steve had spent the last couple of hours getting beat up by Russian spies and climbing up hilltops. Everything hurt.

He pulled his aching hand back.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chastised himself, applying pressure to his burnt palm. He pressed the thumb of his other hand into his palm.

The fire grew, wrapping around the passenger side window and across the length of the base.

Realizing he was running out of time, Steve pulled the ascot from under the lapel of his uniform. He looped it around his now pink hand and tried again, the heat of the metal still singeing his fingertips. He gritted his teeth and yanked the door open.

Steve caught Billy’s dead weight as he fell limply from his seat.

“Shit,” he cursed, heaving Billy up by his underarms to get a better grip. He felt relieved that Billy never wore his seatbelt. That made it easier to maneuver him out of the burning car. But Billy was heavy, nothing but muscle, and the sting of the blisters forming on his burnt palm siphoned all sense of ease.

Steve positioned Billy across his back, the other boy’s upper body draped over his right shoulder with Steve’s arm around his waist. It was the closest he could get to a fireman’s carry. Steve stopped every few feet to readjust his hold, to catch his breath, to wince when Billy’s prone body bounced against the bruises on his torso. He remembered to plant his feet with every step. 

“Does that work when the thing threatening to knock you over is exhaustion?” He chuckled at that thought. 

He powered through it, edging closer to Starcourt’s doors when he felt a wave of heat against half of his back. He felt it before he could see it in the reflection of the glass doors. The Camaro had exploded. Steve opened the heavy door with his uninjured hand while the other clutched Billy, who’d began slipping from his grasp. He slid into the crack he’d made, putting them back into the (relative) safety of the building, only making it a few more steps before Billy’s weight was too much for him. Steve laid Billy down as gently as he could. The younger boy’s head bounced against the floor with a quiet thud. Steve was glad it had landed on the thick rubber doormat instead of the hard linoleum floor. Still, he ran a hand through the back of Billy’s blonde tresses, just to check for blood.

“What use would it have been to save him from a burning car if you’ve accidentally bashed in his skull?” he thought to himself.

Blunt force trauma- his brain supplied, unhelpfully.

Relieved to not find the sticky substance on his hands, he let out a breath. He continued to comb through Billy’s tangled hair.

Billy would never let his hair get this matted. Steve gave the hair one last brush through and stood to pace.

He thought on his next move. Where would he go? How would he get in contact with the team? He was about to head out of the door with a half formed plan when the prone body next to him whimpered and thrashed. Steve stopped himself dead in his tracks. His first instinct was to crouch down, to comfort the ailing boy, to shake him awake.

His second, smarter, instinct was to continue straight out that door, pray to the God he only sometimes believes in that the Toddfather starts and go.

But Steve had never made the smartest decisions, so he bent down anyway.  

[adifferenttime]

So I saw this post a few days ago, and it got me thinking about those who ended up in the Madre before the Courier arrived - what kind of people they were, how they responded to the dangers around them, how they died, what we might be able to guess about their lives based on what they left behind. The primary means of doing that is examining the graffiti, all of which is written in the same five sets of handwriting. I've sorted them based on who I believe wrote them and have tried to reassemble who these people might've been based on what they stopped to write on the walls.

Artist #1: the guy who really, really doesn't want to be here

This guy, who writes in all-caps with thick, frantic brushstrokes of dark red or black, is by far the most prolific graffiti artist in the Madre - there are multiple other pieces of graffiti he's left that I haven't included in this image. The first one you're likely to encounter is the crossed-out "ESCAPE" that's written on the boarded-up gate back to the wasteland which, along with the rest of the graffiti, indicates that despite wanting nothing more than to leave, he was trapped here against his will, probably as one of Dog's former victims. It doesn't take him long to figure out that leaving means death, and it seems he spent part of his remaining time scrawling fatalistic messages on the walls.

Interestingly, despite his understandable fear at being trapped in a place that wants to kill him, he's also eager to help you. Most of the black directional arrows that point to traps or danger are written in with the same bold, repeated lines that characterize his handwriting. In Salida Del Sol North, he's written "RUN RUN RUN" on the walls multiple times; these signs can help you navigate, since he's only written them along the path back to the Villa. No matter how scared he was, he stopped to identify the dangers and warn off anyone who might be unlucky enough to follow him. The last message, too, is a departure from the rest, and reads almost like a prayer: "CASINO LIGHTS / CARRY ME HOME."

Artist #2: the greedy asshole

This guy is possibly the least helpful of all the guys. He apparently entered as part of a team with agreed-upon shares of whatever treasure they might find, and is a crystal-clear example of the whole "selfishness will be your downfall!" moral that the DLC returns to again and again. All he ever does is reiterate the idea that the Madre's riches belong to him, and many of his signs are located near traps, presumably left for the people who accompanied him. It's ironic that his need to broadcast his intentions makes his traps less effective; his signs might've been meant as boasts or gloating, but they double as warnings that he's left a nasty present for you somewhere in the area.

Artist #3: the lover

This person has drawn only three pieces of unique graffiti. The Lover's Mark is obviously used to designate their stash locations, but they also leave two others behind. The first is this:

They've obviously left their <heart emoji> in the Sierra Madre, if by <heart emoji> they mean their stashes, but maybe they've left an actual person as well. Maybe the stashes were originally intended for someone else, but after that person died, they had a whole lot of supplies and no second party to use them.

The second unique piece of graffiti is a white arrow in the same ink and the same style, similar to the arrow they draw through all of their read hearts. You can find it pointing to some bear traps in the switching station close to a body that contains this note, titled "See you in hell asshole":

Hope you're about dead when you read this Sierra Madre out of reach Could've had it all, followed that white-arrow-graffiti bastard down here Left those beartraps as presents for you on trail hope you like them shithead Hit my own tripwire you came to take what's mine??? Too bad, I got the last laugh Speakers'll kill you before you get out then we'll settle things in hell Sierra Madre's treasures's mine mine mine

This note, based on the tone and language, is probably from the asshole, who apparently showed up after the lover, found the path they indicated, and left beartraps intended for one of his former comrades. The arrows, possibly intended to guide the object of the lover's affection, were later repurposed by the asshole, who tried to kill someone he hated and was himself killed shortly afterward.

Artist #4: the helpful one

This one only has three messages, all written in a mix of upper and lowercase black lettering with red accents, and all unilaterally helpful; the one I haven't included is "tick, tick, tick" alongside an arrow pointing to a speaker that can set off your bomb collar. No begging for mercy, no expressions of fear, just two warnings and an instruction. Some of the others seem to have stopped to write down whatever happened to occur to them, but this one paused only to help you out.

Artist #5: the mourner

The first message of theirs that you're likely to read is "IF ANYONE FINDS THIS I'M SO SORRY YOURE HERE," which gave me goosebumps the first time I read it. Like the first guy, this person seems to not want to be in the Madre (so they're likely another kidnapping victim), and like him, they don't seem to have much hope of escaping. Unlike him, they don't seem afraid. They've lost someone - maybe to the Madre, maybe before they arrived - and they stop to draw a kind of memorial for that loved one. They're mourning you, too, expressing sympathy for someone they'll never meet, stopping to point out dangers on the slim chance you'll see their messages and make it out alive.

Of these five people, only one seems to have prioritized themselves to the detriment of others. Seems Elijah's claim that "Last ones couldn't see beyond their own greed" is complete bullshit. One man couldn't. Everyone else who was trapped here risked their lives to write epitaphs, thoughts, and warnings for the people who came after - for you.