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#aka it hurts so fucking bad..........:
lovelyhan · 1 year
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galoogamelady · 1 year
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Are you going to make more music videos for tom cardy?
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orcelito · 7 months
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I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.
The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.
Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.
In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.
And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.
I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.
But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.
His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.
It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.
I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)
It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.
And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".
He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.
So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.
He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.
I love him. I miss him already.
#speculation nation#negative/#this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me.#getting the thoughts out. processing. the works.#nearly cried several times just from writing this.#...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy.#things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different.#feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever#all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories.#but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly.#it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him#we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit.#but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits#(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.)#as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education.#and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'.#the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door#and freezers in the drawers.#maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted#but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more.#ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It.#everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her.#and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad.#(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.)#it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father.#i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 3 months
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i think maybe some people shouldn't be parents
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lord-squiggletits · 2 years
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Sorry for being negative, I’m just a bit disappointed that after looking through the Earthspark Optimus tags on and off on different occasions weeks apart, it seems like the only thing the fandom has to say about ES Optimus is finger snaps and dad jokes. :/ (And also a handful of people already trying to frame him as a bad person lmao)
Watch for it, when more episodes of Earthspark come out and a conflict with GHOST inevitably arises, people are going to be raging at Optimus for being “stupid” or “self-righteous” or “blind” for working with GHOST and start calling Megatron and/or the Decepticons right about everything because they spent so long focusing on “haha funny dad Optimus” that they forgot about the other parts of Optimus’ character like... idk, not wanting to colonize planets? Not wanting to start wars with entire species that didn’t want to be involved in the war in the first place? Being willing to make compromises even at risk to himself and his own because he wants to treat everyone fairly?
Idk I guess I’m just a bit salty because it genuinely seems like all this fandom wants is “funny dad Optimus” and nothing else. Like you will give them funny dad Optimus who’s ALSO complex and morally gray but people will only ever talk about the former part. And then when Optimus inevitably makes a mistake and bad things happen, people are probably going to treat him as if he’s stupid or an asshole when he ends up not being the Perfect Unproblematic Fave that people seemingly want him to be.
#negativity#the tf fandom has protagonist centered morality really badly#like yes we all joke/think that humans are the most boring part of transformers#but there's a difference between that as like a narrative preference in a story#versus literally acting like humans don't matter#and a lot of takes i see in earthspark and other continuities#seem to completely ignore the fact that cybertronians securing their future on earth and eliminating the people who want to do them wrong#would literally mean stealing resources from humans and killing them aka COLONIZING THEM#so i see people calling OP a bad leader or stupid or overly trusting for working with GHOST when he's literally no such thing#he explicitly says 'we are guests on this planet' and acknowledges that he sees GHOST merely as his best option and doesn't fully trust them#but ppl in this fandom have a really infantile perspective of optimus#where they want him to be Good All The Time or they just see him as an idiot for some reason#so they see OP making compromises to not hurt humans (people who didn't even want to get involved with cybertron's war)#and theyre like durr hurr he's stupid! he's ignorant! he's an asshole to the decepticons!#no he's not he's literally just trying to not hurt innocent people? and he has to balance both human lives and cybertronian lives#and that's fucking hard and there are no perfect options and there are no outcomes where no one will get hurt#and the existence of those bad choices doesn't make optimus stupid or malicious#it makes him a FUCKING PERSON#trying to navigate a HARD SITUATION and do the right thing#but we can't have optimus being an actual character who behaves like a human being#he has to be perfect daddy prime that does nothing wrong ever and if he does he's a STUPID ASSHOLE ugh
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catboyfurina · 1 year
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i am never living four people to a bathroom ever again
#beeep#medical talking aka shit talking ahead nya. predictably. because. looks at the words part of the post#i know literally nobody would take my side since im the bathroom hog but#i hurt so bad and im so nauseous and i DO need like. 12 hours. that might be an exaggeration but not that big of one#adn people keep kicking me out like . my organs dont work i need to FIX THINGS#and im NOT quick and just rhgrhghrhhgr#its not this bad except before infusion but like. i NEED a fucking. schedule. i have to take the laxatives and i need#time for my system to get over them and just rhgrhghr#and i dont think id be needing to take the big ones tomorrow if people had just let me have my 6 hours that week before infusion requires.#which!!! sounds like a fucking lot i know!!!!!!! i am not healthy.#and just rghgrhgrbhgrbnifshsfen im so cranky#im so tired and hot and cranky and i hate everything#except for some things but im sooooooo sure that the only reason they can tolerate me is me not being a huge fussy nuisance in person#and jsut#AURGH#i wish id gotten the bag they told me about it like a scary thing but it sounds SO freeing#like yeah im sure its a scary adjustment but rgh#and im just so scared that the big laxative will not fix me and then ill be bathroom locked before infusion and miss it and aaa#and i hate everything and i wanna explode and i hate things and im cranky and upset.#and beause theres no predictable schedule im probably gonna have to use the Fail proof Tactic because i will not be allowed in the bathroom#for six consecutive hours the night before (because if i have to stop it takes hours for my body to free the shit again!!!!! because!!!#shits fucking broken!!!!!) and i dont like the fail proof tactic:<#it is Egg Diet (diet of Only Hardboiled Eggs and Juice. so that i an have enough sustenance to not die but also not enough to cause problems#pre appointment#)#and. rgh its like 3 days away. i dont wanna do egg diet for three days. its unpleasant and i get so shaky#and i wanted to make soup.....but i shouldnt make soup if i cant eat soup..............#anyway i hate everything and i am so cranky i need sleep so i can cry about this in the morning when i an have nice song voice to distract m#im not even sure about 2 people to a bathroom..... like.....that wouldnt be nearly as bad as 4 but i still feel like#there needs to be minimum 2 bathrooms for anyone to tolerate living with me / have peace
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floressaph · 24 days
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A bit ago, I peeked into the South Park fandom for no other reason than shits and giggles (don’t blame me, I was curious on what was going on in the fandom)
And JESUS-fucking-CHRIST! Some of y’all are treating mostly harmless ships like it’s some sort of sin. IT’S A FICTIONAL SHOW WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! LET THESE POOR PEOPLE LIVE WITH THEIR SILLY LITTLE RAREPAIRS, PLEASE
(Rant in tags)
#Because I’ve seen some bad shit before going on in fandom#BUT SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE CALLING OTHERS SLURS AND SHIT#Like why?!?!#it’s literally just a ship#a silly little ship that doesn’t even affect you in any way#just block the tag for the ship or the people who ship them???#it’s not that big of a deal if it isn’t hurting anybody#as long as the artist is mindful and the ship isn’t illegal or abusive or shit like that#then leave them alone#you’re allowed to not like ships#but don’t harass certain people who do???#because most of these are ships that seem relatively normal and okay#but then there’s some guy calling the ship terrible and the people who do ship it demented??#like huh????#this one is going to that one person who ranted about kyndy being one of the worst ships ever and then proceeded to straight up attack#the people who did ship it like they were starting a deadly plague#but no#it was just some people who saw these two fictional characters who probably had stuff in common and went ‘lol that’s kinda cute’#and went on to just.. like that ship#of course some ships would never be canon#BUT THATS WHAT FANDOM IS FOR#FOR STUFF THAT ARENT GONNA BE CANON#IF YOU WANT HARD BOILED CANON STUFF THEN JUST SEARCH UP THE CANON COMPLIANT TAG ON AO3 OR REWATCH THE SHOW#IT ISN’T THAT HARD TO SIMPLY LET PEOPLE BE AND DO WHAT THEY WANT IN MAKING FANON STUFF IN FANDOM#AKA THE ONE PLACE WHERE IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO FUNNY STUFF THAT THEY WANT#Yeah some people are fucked up with making fucked up shit in fandom#but if they can’t change their mind then just block them#it isn’t worth the effort or time to harass them or trying to make them magically change their mind#and then there are people who are afraid to post their rare pairs because of the fandom being so toxic about it#if a person wants to ship shit like fucking Leslie and Jimmy or Leslie and Kyle THEN LET THEM BE
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celestialmancer · 2 months
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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possum-tooth · 3 months
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i <3 being high
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seventh-district · 6 months
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man. grief really sneaks up on ya at the most random times
#Seven's Public Diary#grief#cw grief#vent#cw vent#vent post#cw vent post#cw death#cw pet death#cw pet loss#one minute ur folding laundry and the next ur sobbing over a dog that’s been dead for nearly 10 years#and the one that’s been dead for 9. and the one that's been dead for almost 5. and the cat that’s been dead for almost 3.#and the list goes on. once i start crying about one of them i start crying abt all of them#but it always starts with her. she’s always the first in my mind when something reminds me of dead pets#something. happened to my brain. when i lost her. i don’t think anything else has ever fucked me up so badly#which is saying a lot given that i’ve lost actual human family. i feel kinda bad admitting it bc like. how do u say that a pet’s death-#-hurt you more than a persons. how do u say that and not sound Wrong. i dunno#a number of factors all came together to combine into such an awful experience with losing her specifically.. that it just. was different.#kinda insane how it’ll be a decade this year and the impact of her death on me and my development is as profound as ever#losing her shaped several core parts of who i am now#at least she’s still with me in that sense. for better or for worse.#anyways. it’s not a complete mystery why it suddenly hit me. but it’s still wild how much grief hurts when it comes back to the surface#the combination of my Very late period finally being about to start aka Hormone Storm currently happening#plus randomly hearing The House That Built Me for the first time in ages… was more than enough to do me in#it’s been many months it feels.. since my last breakdown over it. so i was due for another round of remembering and lamenting i suppose#i feel better now tho. or no not Better. just emptier. good empty i guess#i’m also very hungry now though. so that's enough venting abt it.#it’s time for food and sleep now
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friiday-thirteenth · 1 year
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#three weeks is my limit!#aka have been Doing Stuff for three weeks straight no weekends working 7 hours a day 3 days in a row (friday sat sun) and then having to#go to school monday and deal with some bullshit in my physics class#and i snapped.#by snapped i fixed things for myself but it was verys tressful and im burnt out and im going up north tomorrow and wow i need to relax#[physics was. thru correspondance bc pe and physics clashed so i was like theres no way in hell im not doing pe so i said id do physics by#correspondance and then i was placed with this other kid. and because of how i am it ended up trainwrecking into me not worryign about my#own learning and instead becoming responsible for his and so i eventually had to pull the plug and switch and now its okay! because i got#a different classroom and a huge weight off of my shoulders and i'm so proud of myself. i havent told the guy yet tho but i am 1005 going t#lie and not tell him that i hate him and hes made my life a living hell for the past term and 3 weeks because that. is unnecessary and id#feel bad. so im going to say that due to mental strain that im going thru right now myself and the school have decided to place me in a#seperate classroom in order to have a period to myself to Process Shit and that i'm cutting back on my physics (big lie) but also its the#road of least hurt for anyone#yk?#and physics has been ruining school for me for the last term and three weeks but walking into that new classroom actually shifted my mood#so drastically. and now im enjoying mechanics and im nearly done with getting my waves stuff done. tangent over]#also i missed the anniversary of my cousins death and i didnt get to go the the cemetary with my family + extendeds and so that fucked me u#also i think people overestimate my ability to keep up on work i'm not there for and also stay mentally stable.#ALSO my dean had the AUDACITY to tell me that she chose this guy to go with me on a trip because hes easy to get along with.#like miss. im literally the most cross-friend-group person in the year#i vibe with everyone. im everyone. you have put me with the most boring fucking guy. do not pretend you know me#god i love the internet its like therapy but im not dumping on anyone who didn't click readmore#plus im just an internet person. none of my problems should really matter to you please find them entertaining#like i do with reddit posts
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coryosbaby · 11 months
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—ɴꜱꜰᴡ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ !
Mike Shmidt x fem! Reader
♡ Content Warning . oral, somno, rimming, pnv, breeding, marking, degradation and praise, dom! Mike
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Mike Schmidt who lays in between your parted thighs on his day off. His hands settle on either side of your hips, and his nose presses against your cunt. And although you’re so needy for it, needy for him, he just… lays there. Your scent surrounds his senses, filling him up and making him happy. Just laying there smelling you gets his cock so hard but he’s so tired that he doesn’t want to do anything.
Mike Schmidt who will always give in to your whiny begs for his mouth after a few moments. Soon his tongue is parting your folds and he’s licking you to his heart’s content. Whimpers leave his lips as his lips slurp up your slick, his sleepy doe eyes rolling back at the taste of you.
Mike Schmidt who spends as much money as he can on you. Not even getting mad when you “accidentally” go over his spending limit. You begin to cry when he asks you, but he just coos softly as he holds your hand.
“It’s okay. I’m not going to be mad at you if you tell me the truth, okay?” And then, shortly after, as he’s unbuckling his pants, “You can make it up to me, gorgeous.”
Mike Schmidt who facefucks his gorgeous, dumb baby— aka, you. He makes sure to grab extra tight onto your hair and thrust himself messily into your tight little throat. His balls slap against your chin and he makes so many noises as he uses you. This is supposed to be a punishment, so he makes you get off on the nearest object instead of his cock.
Mike Schmidt who coos at you, pouting mockingly as he sees you rub your swollen clit against his work shoe.
“Aww, baby. Do you need to cum?”
Your eager nodding makes him chuckle, and he yanks you further down onto his cock until your nose is pressed against the brown hair at his base, pressing his shoe harder onto your pussy.
“That’s too bad. This is your punishment, sweetie, remember? Be a good slut and cum just like that.”
Mike Shmidt who, days later, has you clinging onto him as he holds you up with his strong arms. A camera in front of him, filming the entire thing, as his cock jackhammers into your sweet cunt. Groaning, whispering, “fuck, good girl, taking my dick so good, look at you, yes, baby, yes.”
Mike Shmidt who slams you against the nearest wall, cock still inside you, tip abusing your cervix over and over as he increases his pace. Using his teeth to leave an incredibly prominent bite mark on your that draws blood.
Mike Shmidt who cums inside you, moaning and saying that he’s gonna fuck a baby into you. He fills you up until you’re overflowing and then some, making sure to shove it back in with his fingers afterwards. He wants you to be a mommy so badly, and he’s going to make sure that it takes.
Mike Shmidt who timidly asks for a rim job one night. His cheeks redden as he asks the question, his pretty doe eyes avoiding your gaze.
“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” He states shyly. The once dominant boy has now become incredibly shaken, but you just smile at him and excitedly agree.
Mike Shmidt who’s riding your face a few minutes later, hole clenching up on your tongue. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but at the same hes got this growling tone in his voice as he praises you. It seems that his dominant side has come back.
Mike Shmidt who groans from above you, working his cock and balls with his own hand.
“You’re so filthy, baby. Fuck, your tongue feels so good.”
“My sweet little angel, doin’ so good f’me.”
Mike Shmidt who’s puffy ring of muscle clenches as he finally shoots warm cum all over the bed, overstimulating himself and demanding that you lick all of seed up as he gets his dick up again watching you.
Mike Shmidt who loves to keep a pair of your lace panties wrapped around his car mirror. He lied to Abby and said that it was a scarf you had given him.
Mike Schmidt who fucks you during one of his shifts— he had a hard day, so he demands that you come and see him. He forces your legs apart and bends you over the security desk, and spanks your ass raw to relieve some of his anger.
Mike Shmidt who lets you play with him when he’s asleep. His dreams go away when you wrap your mouth around his soft cock and choke on him with sweet, sleepy tears rolling down your cheeks. When he wakes up, he praises you for taking care of him.
“Oh, baby. So needy, so good f’me.”
“That’s it, good girl, choke on it— no, no, honey don’t try to pull off. You wanted this cock, so I’m gonna give it to you, okay?”
“So beautiful. C’mere, let me taste that cute pussy.”
Mike Schmidt holding you after a hard day. Knowing you need a distraction, he lets you grind against his thigh as a way to relieve so stress. He presses you to him and leaves small marks against your neck.
“Just think about me, okay? Think about my hands, my mouth…”
“Awww, sweetheart. I know, I know. Life’s been so hard lately, hasn’t it? But that’s okay. Mikey’s here, baby. Gonna make it aaaaall better.”
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© 2023 bratty-lxndry444 🤏🏻 all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, repost, or claim as yours !!!
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elliefuckinwilliams · 5 months
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How I think each Ellie would fuck you <3
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- nsfw, crying!ellie, mean!ellie, dom!ellie, ellie being so obsessed wit abby she can't fuck right
a/n: i posted this on twitter a year ago and it only got 4 likes so i brought it here <333
-jackson!ellie aka loser ellie:
☆blushing and stuttering when you get naked
☆has trouble getting the pace right but then...
☆soft loving! gentle
☆gets so overwhelmed from phantom strap she swears she can feel how tight you are
☆whimpers from the strap doing its thing
☆"you liked it...right?" after making your legs shake and your eyes roll into the back of your head
-Seattle!ellie aka pussy destroyer:
☆grunts and groans
☆no longer the gentle girl from a small town:(
☆only fucks you from behind while pushing your face down
☆rough thrust that hurt but feel so good
☆banging your head into the headboard and doesn't give af
☆ pulls out quickly when youre done and then leaves "thanks."
-farm!ellie aka the apologetic lover
☆ softly kisses your tears away
☆ apologizes for fucking you so good
☆ light groans in your ear
☆ love bites everywhere from hours of lovemaking
☆only makes you finish but not herself
☆ sits at the edge of the bed after with bad thoughts
-santa barbara!ellie aka water bender:
☆ completely silent and focused
☆ accidentally whisper abby's name
☆zoned out look
☆ starts crying about half way through
☆ somehow still makes you cum
☆ "babe i love you idk why i said her name!!"
-epilogue!ellie aka the healed
☆super vocal, talks you through it
☆ has you in different positions
☆ "fu-uck baby you feel so good"
☆has to make you finish first minimum 3 times
☆kisses you all over
☆ aftercare ♡
☆"you did so good for me baby."
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no-144444 · 10 days
Text
his disgraced pop princess- (o.piastri 81)
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summary: oscar is there for you through your first real GP weekend
pairing: oscar piastri (no.81) x singer! reader
warnings: cyberbullying ans slut shaming
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Oscar Piastri was nervous. It had been two days since he first met you, and now it had been 4 hours since he last texted you. Beside him, Logan was scrolling on his own phone, still making fun of Oscar’s ‘awful puppy-love’, as he called it. It wasn’t awful, just slightly overboard. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and he was enjoying it. You were funny, sweet, and probably just busy, right? 
Oscar: Doing anything else today? I’m stuck training all day. 
Oscar: Studio…? 
Oscar: I think the fans need new music (it’s me, I’m fans)
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You were anxious. It had been two days since you met Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri, and now he’d texted you multiple times while you were busy being on a plane. Beside you in the Uber, was Hallie, your best friend, texting her new mystery boy and laughing at your freak out over not texting him back. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and you loved it. He was asking all the right questions, he was funny, he was so supportive of you going up against Charles, and evidently, a screenager. 
“I feel bad!” you groaned as you tried to type something out, but nothing seemed good enough. 
“You were on a plane, what was he expecting, a carrier pigeon?” she chuckled. “He’ll survive without texting you for 4 hours, calm down.”
“What do I say?”
She rolled her eyes. “Give me the damn phone.”
You: Sorry I was on a plane and their carrier pigeon network was down. Oops :)
“He is diabolical,” she laughed. “Immediate response, does he not have a life?”
You rolled your eyes and snatched back the phone. “Shut up!”
Oscar: Too bad, I was hoping you were busy making new music :(
You: Well, I’d need inspiration for that and that is the one thing I don’t have. Well, that and people that like me and want to listen to my music.
Oscar: :( 
Oscar: What are you doing today?
Y/n: Lawyers, seeing Charles, helping put the case together and finishing up the legal side of my split from the band. Aka boring as fuck :)
Oscar: Good luck seeing Charles again, I hope it isn’t too bad.
Oscar: Whenever we’re on the same continent again we should meet up for dinner :)
Y/n: Sounds like a plan, and thank you. Good luck with training today :)
“You two deserve each other. You’re equally as cheesy,” Hallie rolled her eyes. 
“It’s not cheesy to like someone,” you scoffed, getting out of the car. “You’re just alone.”
“Not anymore,” she chuckled. 
“Shut up!” you cheered. “Who?”
She smirked. “Tell you later.”
You rolled your eyes. “You suck.”
“I’ll see you later,” she called as she walked off. You were left standing alone. Before walking in, you took a deep breath and willed yourself not to burst into tears. 
-------------------
“It’s defamation!” Charles shouted, making you jump. Everything he did was making you jump. You hadn’t realised how badly everything had affected you until today. You were jumpy, you felt sick, you weren’t sleeping, you weren’t there mentally. 
“No, you’ve defamed Ms. Y/l/n’s reputation,” your lawyer calmly pointed out. 
You wanted it to stop, you wanted everything to stop. You wanted to go back to Sunday and relive the race over and over again. You wanted to be with Lewis again, with Toto again, with Oscar again. You desperately wanted to feel safe. 
Your lawyer was good, and you knew you’d win the case against Charles no matter what, but cleaning up the band would be a big undertaking. You’d always been the one to sign documents for all of them, so that they could pull out at any time. That now meant that you were technically the owner of the name of the band, the licensing rights, the songs, and the money you’d all already made. You were hitting them where it hurts, and you were taking it all. If they wanted to push you out, you’d push them right back. 
“Y/n, come on. It’s all of our band, and we deserve our name, at least,” your brother, Alex, begged. Up to last week you would’ve done anything for him. Now, he was fucking dead to you. 
“You can keep one thing,” you answered, not even looking at them. They prematurely celebrated and thanked you, but you held up a hand to silence them. “You can keep your instruments. I’ll take everything else.”
The room erupted into shouting, from every member of the band. You just got up and walked away. The meeting was over. You had it all. 
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BREAKING NEWS! WINGS BAND MEMBER Y/N Y/L/N DELETES INSTAGRAM, IS SEEN WITH F1 DRIVER OSCAR PIASTRI,  AND IS PHOTOGRAPHED LEAVING A LAW FIRM!
The 22 year old singer, Y/n Y/l/n is fresh into the scene of being a solo artist after being dropped by her band ‘WINGS’. This weekend she was seen around the Silverstone paddock with long-time friend and possible boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. Shockingly, the newly crowned ‘Queen of Homewrecking’ is also sticking her nose into another man, Australian driver Oscar Piastri. The pair were seen walking together in the paddock, looking quite close. We would advise him to steer clear of her mess if he was able… 
In another turn of events, Y/l/n decided to delete her entire Instagram page, as well as her Twitter, Tiktok, Threads, and all other social media accounts. While she has opted for a ‘social-media-break’, her close friends and family have not posted about her, but some more famous friends have, including Lewis Hamilton answering questions about her in an interview during the Media day of the British Gran Prix. When asked about his opinion on the band, he said this. 
“Y’know, half of the success of them (WINGS) was Y/n. She really pulled everything together and no one really sees that because she was so careful about showing people that. She never wanted anyone to feel like they (the rest of the band) weren’t 100% committed, because at that time, they were. It’s just sad how people turn on each other, especially after everything she’s done for them.”
And when asked about Charles O’Brien, he had this to say. 
“That pathetic piece of s**t can f**k off and get out of the paddock. There is no place for him here, on any stage, or anywhere in the world. He is a vile creature.”
In other news, she was seen exiting the Law firm, Cravath, Swaine & Moore this afternoon, and 40 minutes later, the rest of the ‘WINGS’ band was seen leaving, looking much more upset than her. 
Something tells us there might be more than meets the eye in this twisted tale…
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“Hey Y/n,” Oscar’s voice was music to your ears as you sat in your hotel room with dried tears on your cheeks. 
“Hi,” you answered, voice hoarse, just happy to not be alone anymore. 
“How did it go?” He asked, his voice softening. 
You scoffed. “As badly as I thought it would,” you sighed, defeated. “I just wish it would all stop.” 
“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” he sighed. “Charles is a special breed of dickhead.”
“So is the media,” you added. “Did you see the stuff everyone is writing about me? It’s awful-”
“I don’t read about you. I don’t need it anymore. I have the real you now, and that’s the you I’m interested in.” 
Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri strikes again. 
Your lips broke into a smile. “Thanks Oscar.”
“I mean it. I don’t give a shit about the media, like at all,” he was smiling, you could tell. 
“I’m glad. If you did I don’t think this friendship could’ve worked very well,” you chuckled. “You seriously don’t care that I’m a ‘homewrecking slut’, according to everyone else?”
He chuckled. “Wouldn’t want you any other way.”
Your heart swelled. 
-------------------
It had been a few months, Oscar had gotten his first win, you’d wanted to personally kill Zak Brown, you’d gone through the beginnings of the court proceedings for the band things, and you’d finally filed a report against Charles. 
Now, you were in London on your way to Abbey Road Studios. New music for the first time in a few months. First time you’d sung in a few months. Oscar walked beside you, his head covered in a hat to remain inconspicuous. 
You stopped outside the door. Oscar took your hand and pushed the door open for you, then led you in. 
“You’re here for a reason,” he reminded you with a squeeze to the hand. 
The past few months had been emotional to say the least. Yet, Oscar had been there for you the entire time. He truly didn’t care about the press. He liked you. He liked you a lot. You liked him. You liked him a lot. But you two weren’t dating, right? You didn't really know. Friends didn't hold hands, or cuddle, and usually weren't there for you before you make the biggest leap of your life.
He stayed beside you as you walked through the building, getting the grand tour from an employee, only leaving you when you finally went in to record. 
“You’ve got this,” he whispered, holding you in a tight hug. Inside was your manager, Ursula, and your producer Axel. “I believe in you.”
And those 4 words gave you the courage to go in there and sing. 
You sat on the stool they had set up for you, headphones on as Axel droned on about something insignificant, and you brainstormed. You hadn’t even thought about writing for the past few months, despite Oscar trying to convince you that it would make you feel better. You couldn’t touch it. Though now, with no consequences, no one looking at you, no one interested, you reached for the guitar and strung a few cords. You thought about Charles, about the band, about Oscar. Then you thought about nothing.
“When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever,” You sang, and then the words came flowing freely. 
Three hours later, you had an album on your hands. A good album. A great album. 
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“You did it,” Oscar smiled as you stepped out of the studio. “Write anything?”
“I think I like you. Like, like like you,” you confessed. He smiled. 
“Good,” he answered. 
“Excuse me?” you scoffed. “I just said-”
He pressed his lips to yours softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’ve like like-d you since the day we met. I’m glad we’re on the same page now.”
You stared at him in shock for a moment, then a smile spread across your face. “You’re such an asshole.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t want to rush you,” he shrugged. “Anyway, write anything?”
“Yeah,” you smiled, handing him a CD. “One of two in the world, don’t lose it.”
His eyes lit up, a big smile on his face. “Is this the perks of being Y/n Y/l/n’s boyfriend? Exclusive insight into new music?”
“Calling yourself my boyfriend?” you quirked an eyebrow, smiling. 
“Oh baby, I’ve called myself your boyfriend for the past 2 months, I’m not stopping now,” he smiled, and your heart could’ve melted.
You chuckled. "Always the charmer Piastri."
He smirked, then something behind his eyes changed, and he started blushing. He was about to ask you something important. “Come to Monza with me? Please?”
You rolled your eyes. “Only because you asked so nicely.”
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You touched down in Italy in Max’s private jet. You’d spent the afternoon getting to know him, Kelly, and Penelope, who’d taken a significant liking to you. The flight had been great, you’d never been on a jet before and it was as luxurious and comfortable as you’d imagined. Another part of the journey that was comfortable was Oscar letting you lay on him the entire time. You two were new but it looked like you’d been together forever. It felt like it too. It felt like he saw you. The real you. And he wasn’t scared or disgusted, or anything else that your brain told you he’d be. He was just Oscar. 
You left the jet, the perks of flying in the middle of the night meant that no fans were waiting for you outside. You didn’t need to add more flames to the fire of his insane life. You wanted to keep your ‘scandals’ to yourself and to just let him race. 
He gave your hand a squeeze to pull you back into the moment. “You alright?”
You nodded. “I’m ok, just nervous about this weekend.”
“You don’t need to be nervous, you don’t even have to leave my driver’s room if you don’t want to. I just… I wanted you here.”
“I want to be here,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I want to be around you.”
Even though it was dark, you could see the blush on his cheeks. 
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Media day began as it always did, walking into the paddock with about a hundred cameras on him. Only this time, the hundred cameras were pointed at him and you, more specifically, you two holding hands. It wasn't even a conscious thing you did. You just took his hand to try and calm yourself down. You liked how he gently brushed his thumb against the back of your hand, you liked how he would squeeze your hand every now and then, and you liked how he led you through the sea of reporters with a simple smile, and a firm hold.
When you got to the McLaren motorhome, you and Oscar parted ways with a quick kiss and a promise of lunch together. You decided to join Alex Dunne, one of McLaren's development drivers and a current F3 driver for a track walk and interview. You two chatted and laughed, getting on really well. The weather was sweltering, so you went back inside to meet Lando and Oscar for lunch.
"Y/n!" Lando smiled, running up to you.
"Hey Lan," you greeted, hugging him back as he engulfed you in one of his bear-hugs.
"How are you?" he asked, pulling back.
"All good thanks, you?"
"Fine," he shrugged, then turned his attention to Oscar and you. He smirked. "Has he asked you out yet?"
You chuckled, nodding. "He has."
"My ship has sailed!" He cheered.
"What? You have a boat?" Oscar questioned, as you and Lando laughed.
The rest of the day went well, only being bombarded with cameras every now and then, and somehow, whenever they found you, Oscar came right along to take you away. You appreciated the concern from him, and it definitely took the edge off some of the comments people made, especially the internet. Who knew you and Oscar would be such big news? Big news that hadn't even been confirmed, at that.
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After lunch, Oscar was forced into more press, this time, they decided to ask about you. You watched on from the McLaren hospitality as the interviewer said some choice words about you.
"So, you were seen earlier entering the paddock with Y/n Y/l/n, yes?"
"Yes," Oscar replied.
"You two were holding hands," she pointed out.
"There was a swarm of reporters, I didn't want to leave her behind," he shrugged. You quickly realised that you hadn't talked about whether or not you wanted to tell the media bout your budding relationship.
"So you aren't dating Y/n 'home-wrecker' Y/l/n?"
Oscar's face fell into a frown. "Her middle name is Y/m/n, not home-wrecker, and yes, I'm her boyfriend."
With that he moved on, leaving the interviewer shocked and defeated.
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
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mrfoox · 2 years
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'when someone gets mad at me especially girls in the way where they want space/want to be alone... I get all clingy and lovely dovely bc im scared of them leaving me. That's because of my abandonet issues I for from my mom'
Me: hmm... Yeah i.. I might have something akin to that bc of my dad problems
'oh yeah, how?'
Me: uuuh idk
Me in reality when anyone treats me slightly different, ignores me or seem mad/sad/upset with me or for any reason: I'm sorry. It's all my fault, I should be ashamed I'm so sorry please tell me what I can do to atone? -mad anxiety and possibly sobbing-no please I'm sorry, I know I should not have said that before, its that why you're mad, right? I'm sorry please
#miranda talking shit#Idk if i have abandonment issues honestly like maybe... I just know as soon as someone acts differently ... My brain immediately goes there#And its extreme and i act so pathetic and i probably scare people with it. My brain immediately goes to the extreme thaf i did something#And they will be mad at me or hate me so i apologize all the time. My brain does have systems set up to uh#Protect me from things though. Aka i always expect that sooner or later people will grow tired of me and leave. So though i get super#Attached i never... Ive never allowed myself to get attached to the point i think theh wont leave me. So i dont have any#Expectations on anyone and so they wont let me down... My brain just tells me i am always at fault and need to feel bad and make it up to#Others... If you ever talk to me and you think im annoying by apologizing for something minor... Trust me#I can be a lot worse /: ive been trying to work on this but still i just ... If i dont tell anyone i still think this. Im always waiting#To hear others say ive disspointed them and fucked up etc. Logically i know that uh. Often it dont have anything to do about me#And when it is... Its part of life we hurt and get hurt and we forgive and so on but yeah no. Still get such intense panic and despair#When anyone seem different. Raising their voice at me or being abrupt in their answers I have to intensely fight myself to not#Break down and ask for forgiveness and shit /:#Negative#My trauma have definitely made me in this way and i hate it and i always feel like im being manipulating i hate it#I cant take rejection. Or well i can i do all the time that's why i always assume i will be but i end up taking it so badly its embarrassin
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izzystizzys · 3 months
Text
As High Marshall Commander, a title foisted on him by the Galaxy’s fakest bitch aka Chancellor Palpatine, Fox theoretically has privileges and authorities like no other clone. In practice, he has a headache and gets ignored more obviously than before.
What he also has is a fancy new function on his personal comm unit modified to broadcast GAR-wide to all commanding officers, up to and including Jedi. It gathers dust next to his own modified button that sees much better use - a private channel to Stone, the only vod that will let Fox bitch at him to his heart’s content without hanging up (Thire) or bitching right back (Thorn).
It’s been a long shift of 72 hours, the maximum Stabby allows him to do without a well-placed hypo to the neck, when Fox finally collapses on his rickety cot in the Command quarters and hits the private comm connection to Stone without looking. He’s already rolling his eyes so hard it tweaks at the migraine that’s been building since hour 18 and heaving a put-upon sigh.
“Everyone is stupid, Stone, and asking to be thrown face-first from the Dome balustrades”, he begins, settling into a low, dead tone of voice to warm to the building monologue. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. “I swear to haran I’m going to wring Amedda’s stringy neck one of these days. I don’t know what magical Force gods his mother pissed off, but they made sure to punish her and the Galaxy at large a hundred times over. He sucks the joy and competence out of every room like a black hole of stupid. I’d call him a has-been, but I trust in the power of nepotism and also just don’t believe he ever was. I swear he’s doing it on purpose and - oh, kriffing Sith-damned hells, you know who’s definitely doing it on purpose?! The kriffing Chancellor, that wrinkly ass-faced ballsack!”
Taking a deep breath, Fox lets that sit in his chest for a moment, indulging in the feeling of bright weightlessness. “I swear he’s trying to keep the war going - no one man can be that incompetent and still draw breath, not even Amedda or Taa. Goddamn Taa - but anyways, kriffing hell, Stone, either the senility isn’t an act or he’s a bad cartoon villain from Dooby Scoo. Yes Sir, sending Senator Amidala to a Seppie-infested planet for negotiations is a great idea after her fourth bomb threat of the week. No Sir, I can’t hear you cackling evilly with Count Dooku under your lame two-credit robe as you’re definitely not colluding with the Republic’s enemies. What, you have a red lightsaber?! Oh, of course I don’t know what that means, I was dropped on the head as a tubie!”
Barely pulling in a harsh breath, Fox continues, palms pressing into his eyeballs hard enough to cause sparks. “And speaking of lightsabers and senile fucks, haran smite my ass off but who the kriff thought it’d be a good idea to give absolute tactical and military authority to the kriffing eldritch space monks! The Force didn’t bless them with the collective good sense it gave to a kriffing rock, and I’m tired of pretending otherwise! Has anyone kriffing read the Theed Convention of Sentient Rights in Wartimes?! NO?!! Well, color me UNSURPRISED, because war crimes ARE NOT! GOOD! BATTLE! TACTICS!!”
“They run around in crop tops, Stone, in crop tops! Oh, the Force provides - WELL I’M GOING TO PROVIDE MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS, AND IT’S GOING TO HURT BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT WEARING KRIFFING ARMOUR!”
“Sure, let’s send the preteens into active warzones under heavy artillery in kriffing party wear! Surely nothing will ever go wrong! And give them commanding positions equivalent to CC-clones, WHO WERE LITERALLY GENETICALLY CREATED FOR IT! WITH A DECADE OF INTENSE TRAINING! LET’S DO THAT, BECAUSE WE’RE ALL KRIFFING STUPID!”
He’s gesturing wildly at the ceiling now, face heating up as his blood boils beneath the surface. “And you know what really gets my lowers in a twist, apart from the preteen commanding officers and blatant kriffing high treason and war profiteering?! Is it the complete lack of recognition? Gratitude? Basic sentient rights?! No, Stone, no, I would take all that in stride if it meant I never had to see Skywalker and Amidala kriffing canoodle right in front of me again, and pretend like it isn’t the galaxy’s worst conflict of interest case in the making!”
“By all levels of Sith-hell, what the kriff is wrong with that woman? You have it all, you could have anyone, and you choose that twatwaffle?! And then they have the gall to lock themselves in a broom closet for twenty minutes straight and have me guard it! ‘Oh yes, Senator, naturally we all go rattling brooms with our good friends! Nothing dodgy happening at all! I definitely believe you were looking for detergent and have used a washing machine before!’ The absolute nerve on those two! And then last week - you’ll never believe this - High General Windu passed by, and I swear he looked like he wanted to throw himself off the roof! I’ve never been less impressed by anyone in my life, and I’m batch-mates with Bly!”
“Speaking of Bly, that little bitchtit - if I have to edit one more, one more kriffing propaganda piece of him staring at General Secura’s bits, I’m going to stab my eye out! And if I have to edit one more of Secura staring at his bits, I’m going to stab the other one out! The only good thing I have to say about them is they’re more subtle than Skywalker and Amidala, which means nothing really. I will never understand that woman - but then she’s worked with Jar Jar Binks for a decade and not had a nervous breakdown, so she either has nerves of steel or is on some good-ass drugs.”
“Girl, your choices. And you know what else is a choice? Kote kriffing roundhouse-kicking heads off droids when he has a perfectly good blaster right there! I don’t know what the Longnecks put in his tube, but I hope to kriff it’s not contagious. I’d say I’m glad he has Kenobi to keep him in check, but that man wouldn’t know common sense if it punched his nose clean off his face. Flirting with General Grievous, ugh. I’d say he can do better, but honestly, they deserve each other.”
“And Wolffe - “, panting, Fox pauses, considering. “Well, Wolffe is an asshole and stupid, and I hate him because he’s stupid and has a stupid face. Also he keeps drunkenly submitting adoption paperwork on General Koon’s behalf - I wish I could say something mean about that, but honestly, his existence is roast enough. Anyways, bitches are trying me today, and by bitches I mean everyone. Commander Fox signing off to go not commit treason, unfortunately.”
Thoroughly powered out, Fox sinks into his hard mattress with a deep sigh. Several seconds of silence reign, and then his comm unit starts blaring in alarm.
Somewhere in the Jedi Temple, Mace Windu is knocked flat on his ass by a gargantuan shatterpoint exploding.
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