#aki hayakawa analysis

[easy-revenge]

Do you think that Aki saw Himeno as a sister or just a friend and never more than that?

here's me challenging myself again bc for the life of me i cant comprehend what aki hayakawa is feeling half the time.

short answer to your question: no.

what did he see her as instead? im nowhere near a coherent and clear answer.

I'll tell u what i do know. we see aki forming loads of different relationships with ppl in chainsaw man. some of them clearer in their nature than others.

let's look at power and denji for example. family. that's an easy one. aki took on the role of the "guardian" at first, somewhat begrudgingly, but it very quickly got reshaped into him being their big brother.

i think seeing this relationship from a lot of different angles is enough to show that he most likely didn't view himeno as his sister.

in his brotherly role, he's very protective. with himeno, even though they were always saving each other, you could feel that their dynamic let him be vulnerable around her too.

he'd allow himself to be protected by her. he'd ask her permission to use the sword. he'd follow her lead and trust her judgement.

equals. even though she ranked higher than him, the mutual respect and trust between them made them feel like a team.

i think there's too many layers to their relationship for me to try and define it. if it's not familial love, is it a bond built around their respect and history as buddies? doesn't really cover all the bases. then is it friendship?

once again, im not sure. have we seen aki having any friends really? is it a coincidence that the two ppl that were somewhat marketed to be his friends are people who either are canonly in love with him or implied to be as such?

is it a coincidence that aki tends to display behavior that can be read as having romantic undertones as well? that he willingly gave years off his lifespan to save both himeno and angel without a second thought?

the answer to that is no, it's not. it's because these characters are way too complex and have a lot of trauma under their belt to navigate through relationships as the average human being.

aki has experienced a lot of loss. he's dishonest with the ppl around him and with his own feelings. he pushes people away to focus on his goal, but keeps making choices that contradict that way of living.

he's stumbling around this duality, almost as if he's in limbo. he's not letting himself have what he wants in the present. he's not giving people what they want from him. he's not dedicated enough to progress towards his goal.

and what does aki want in the present? my guess is: to be close to people. aside from wanting a family, to fulfil the role he missed out on, to get a redo of being a big brother and not mess it up, he wants ppl close in every sense.

that's why when his mask slips up, you can see how wholeheartedly he gives himself over to people.

he breaks around himeno a couple of times, letting his need for her slip through the cracks. he lets her touch him, cuddle him, light his cigarettes. he reciprocates, if a bit more hesitantly, stealing that cigarette standing just a tad too close.

is that attraction? or is it aki letting himself get the closeness he craves bc he knows he can? he knows he's allowed to bc himeno wants him there?

aki has to know himeno has feelings for him, at least in the back of his mind. does that keep him from getting even closer to her in fear of leading her on? would he want to get closer if makima wasn't forcefully pulling his attention to her? more questions i cant answer.

but looking at his relationship with angel as well, aki does follow this pattern. he's again putting up an act. he can't get along with angel, they are like natural enemies.

then the fear of loss creeps in and boom, he breaks. gives up his lifespan and pulls angel against his chest. it's like drawing the curse's sword all over again. he yells at angel for almost dying and nestles his face against angel's hair, holding him tight.

it's this type of behavior that leads me to believe that this is something that aki is deprived of. the closeness, the intimacy, someone to hold and maybe grasp onto. its something he's always needed and kept keeping himself away from.

is it love? is it friendship? is it response to unresolved trauma? a mix of the three? you tell me.

the fact that at no point throughout his storyline does aki have full control of himself also gets me. even if i was to speculate about the type of feelings he has for each person in his life, i know there's someone else ultimately pulling the strings in his brain. and that's a factor I can't break down and take into consideration.

so this is all i can give u by rubbing my two braincells together and not venturing too much into headcanon territory.

istg the inner workings of aki's mind literally keep me up at night.

[ingoodjesst]

another thought to expand on sometime: aki being so sure his sacrifice to defeat the gun devil is necessary that he doesn't stop to think who it'd hurt and who he'd lose. it doesn't matter how HE dies, but he doesn't ask what would happen to the people around him until it's too late. until himeno has sacrificed herself, and he sees just how desperately she was trying to keep him alive. until he gets cold feet unable to imagine losing angel and denji and power, but makima has ensured there's no longer a way out.

he doesn't realize how much he matters to other people and how much other people matter to him until he's out of time. he doesn't realize that these relationships are enough to define a life, that no one has to be a protagonist for a grand cause for their life to have meaning. it's just the people around you that you love that love you. it would've been enough.

edit: a rambly addendum on aki's sacrifices and choices

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: CSM and the Concept of "Want" and "Home"

Completely blocking out the events of the first Chainsaw Man segment after reading it is not a unique experience. I am not alone in this phenomenon but one thing I always think about is the idea of "want" or "desire" and how it's this really messed up impetus for Denji to go on living, at least in the hands of Tatsuki Fujimoto, and the concept of "home". I feel like not enough people are ruminating on this so now I have to.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: through CSM chapter 97.

First things first, in no way am I insinuating that Denji's reasons to live are not valid nor am I implying that a character with his background is better off dead. I think it's important to mention because we've seen that play out with the likes of Ash Lynx as an example and I hated that.

Tatsuki Fujimoto, the Jackass Genie

When we're introduced to Denji, he's not exactly living the life. Trying to offset the massive debt of his father, he'd sold off several organs including an eye and a testicle and was forced to work off as much as he could by handling the dirty work of the yakuza debt owner. Treated inhumanely and frequently left with barely enough money to feed himself, Denji appears to remain relatively upbeat with his only friend Pochita at his side.

Solely motivated to simply survive the day, hopes beyond that are seemingly out of the realm of possibility for him beneath all of his inherited burdensome debt. It isn't until he gets a seemingly second shot at life that Denji can dare to dream. Mind you, this is after he's discarded like garbage but it just furthers how alone and pitiable he is to be treated in such a way.

Even with this newfound life, his hopes are comparatively low hanging fruit to the average reader and yet, at every turn, Fujimoto takes these innocent asks and twists them into such unpalatable experiences. Most notably being his first kiss.

What's particularly interesting is the space between Denji's idealization and, of course, the subsequent reality of his wishes. For instance, have you ever wanted something so bad for so long that when you finally got it, it could never measure up to what you'd dreamt in your head? Because you'd sunk so many hours into thinking about it and putting it on a pedestal but... as we saw above, Denji really only had time to think about survival for the better part of his life. So the drastic difference between wanting a solid meal, wanting his first kiss, wanting to touch boobs, wanting a girlfriend, etc. They were so relatively short lived before being obtained, and yet, so catastrophically unsatisfying each and every time. It seems like everything Denji gravitates toward is inevitably something that will cause him great displeasure which we see most readily apparent in his attraction to Makima.

For all this suffering, you'd assume Denji would have had to have done something to have earned such karmic punishment but, to the reader, his only sin seemed to be being born to a recklessly selfish father. Especially when a great deal of his origin seems to be kept hidden behind a figurative locked door which is constantly teased and shown to be something Pochita urges him never to open.

You Can't Go Home Again

This, of course, brings us to the crux of why I wanted to talk about this in the first place. We see Denji's door, something he regards with unfamiliarity and trepidation, a few times throughout the story. Not knowing its significance until the very end of the arc but, for the sake of this discussion, we will consider this and his life with Pochita Denji's "home". Denji's wariness, his avoidance, it's not unique to him.

POWER

Now we know Pochita can seemingly read the heart of Denji (being that he is the heart of Denji) but I wonder how much Power the fiend knows of her former human life. From her introduction, she was likely murdered and left naked in the very woods that Power found the body in. Power is shown to be boisterous and very self-serving, her affection for Meowy being a severe aberration, at least at the beginning of her character arc. Again, not exactly living the life, enthralled only by the taste of blood and the act of killing until she finds herself somewhat domesticated through her employment with Public Safety.

What we know of Hell, Devils that die on Earth go to Hell. Devils that die in Hell go to Earth. Power wasn't exactly avoiding "going home" but her return to Hell destabilized her semblance of safety and comfort by way of facing the Darkness Devil. Even of the devils faced on Earth, Power always faced them with the same bravado that she demanded humans to kneel before her with. Either to generally disguise her relative strength or lack thereof (being that she was fighting in a group) or, in retrospect, perhaps her fear, too. With all the confidence, we don't consider what the Blood fiend's experience may have been down in Hell, whether she was top of the food chain or not. Topside, her experience may have been a little different when you have humans and lesser devils in the mix. But the fear she experienced upon her return to Hell caused debilitating PTSD where she had to lean on Denji and Aki a lot more as she was unable to care for herself or be left alone. In this sense, it tempered her connection to Denji, especially. Almost as if the progression from a life of survival to a life of relative comfort is toppled by the harrowing reminder of one's origins.

AKI

Aki is the best literal example of the negative ramifications of "going home". As he packs the kids up for a reluctant trip to Hokkaido to visit his family's graves, Power and Denji remain immature handfuls even on the tail end of the Darkness Devil drama. But as the snow falls and Power sleeps, Aki confesses to Denji:

Every year, when I went to visit their grave, I'd remember nothing but bad things. It was depressing. But this time, you guys were such pests that I didn't have the time to get lost in that.

It's bittersweet, this acknowledgement. Seeing their behavior somewhat changed, his own resolve toward them softening, he questions whether his pursuit of the Gun Devil justifies the possibility of jeopardizing the peace he's cultivated with his found family. A distinct change of heart in light of his previous attitude toward devils and fiends, not just Power and Denji. But moreso an outright defiance of the very thing that has driven his survival thus far. That, of course, being to avenge his family's death by killing the Gun Devil. His decision to pull from the expedition is, of course, manipulated by Makima by using her purview over Power and Denji to solidify his participation. The irony of his found family enabling him to resolve his need for revenge being the bargaining chip to keep him on the hook is dastardly. Moreover, the knowledge that vengeance was never even on the table for him.

The linchpin in this is, of course, the fact that, what precedes Aki's end is not his return to home but the Angel Devil's who he inadvertently and without knowing accompanies. A past Angel Devil had forgotten, courtesy of Makima, precipitates Aki's death and evolution into the Gun Fiend. As the battle wages, the fact that it plays out as the snowball fight with Denji was devastating in light of his previous losses.

DENJI

With Denji's integration into society, his many goals thwarted by the unsatisfying reality of them, and the comfort he establishes with Power and Aki, we see him grow to understand the world a little better. He's still a neglected and immature kid but his emotional intelligence sharpens with his aspirations even if they only go so far as to wish to impress Makima. With all the trauma he'd suffered prior to joining Public Safety and even the trouble he experienced with them, fighting and killing Aki the Gun Fiend proves to be too big of a breaking point for him. It doesn't hit him immediately. But he finds himself unable to enjoy such simple pleasures with the guilt and turmoil of killing someone he hadn't realized meant so much to him and comes to understand the loss and pain so latently. The end of Aki's character arc as punctuated by Denji, even as prophesied, was shattering to watch unfold. Especially juxtaposed with the innocence of the snowball fight in his consciousness.

This altercation, too, was preceded by a door Denji didn't want to open. A door we'd seen many times over. A door that he'd decided was best left closed wayyy back in Hokkaido. 👇🏾

Aki's death yields a significant windfall of money willed to Denji to take care of he and Power. Money, the driving factor in his previous suffering, is no longer a problem for him and he uses it to taste and experience more but they do not quell the unrest within him.

Even though Denji grown to adjust to the world he finds himself in with his rebirth as Chainsaw Man, this loss, in particular, forces a deeper reflection beyond the frivolity of why touching his first boob is unsatisfying. He laments the fact that every choice, every want inevitably goes to crap just as Makima finds him. Ultimately, this extremely low point (not unlike the misery she'd initially found him in), is exactly where we see their relation to one another come full circle: Denji, a dog to Makima's whims.

As Denji submits to Makima, we immediately see the cost of his allegiance. Not only by means of Power's death but the fact that her orders completely conflict with what Pochita has been urging him against this whole time. Never mind the fact that this is the second time where he knew precisely to what end the door he was opening would reveal. Aki. Power. But, even though his expectations have been met at the other side of that door, whether it be Aki's or Makima's, it never prepares him for the big reveal. The worse turning worst case scenario. Denji's shock at Makima making good on her word allows for her full plan to come into focus.

The door opens, the true depth of Denji's backstory is revealed. The irony of Makima, the Control Devil, condemning the actions of a child trying to survive the abuse of his father is something the reader doesn't have time to reconcile it before the next big twist to the story is revealed, the next big fight.

This cycle of violence and revelation without reflection breeds an odd disconnect from the events, probably not unlike Denji's own perceived experience. Perhaps it informs our collective amnesia when it comes to the story, again, not unlike Denji's as he's forced to play the part of Chainsaw Man. A blessing and a curse, born of affection and the belief that Denji should get to lead a normal, fulfilling life. But Pochita's kindness is unexpectedly barbed despite his innocent and unassuming appearance because the Chainsaw Devil is one so feared, one so renowned, it is marked and killed by many devils but he arises again and again.

Almost as if Pochita was avoiding the burden of his own nature like Denji avoided the truth of his past... I don't know, perhaps this rant was a bit self-indulgent but whenever I think about these 3 (to 5 if we count Angel and Pochita) characters floating through the ether of life only to be connected and summarily destroyed by the fact that they finally found something worth living for really just spoils my thoughts for where this story is going, what the grand message is. If there's even a grand message at all.

[mirandimoo]

once again thinking about how aki’s character is one of, if not the most tragic character i have come across in any media i have ever consumed in my life.

like guys you don’t understand, i’m not saying this from a ‘csm stan’ pov or anything i’m saying it from a literary standpoint AND as a media production major like yes objectively speaking he is the most tragic of tragic characters i have ever come across in any story. like from his childhood to his adult life it was all hell and trauma and after spending his whole life with nothing to dedicate himself to other than revenge, he finally found something worth protecting in denji and power so much so that the thing he spent his whole life chasing after suddenly didn’t matter because he had a little family now and that was enough for him. going through all of this only to then become the very thing you feared the worst and to be taken out by the hands of the person you cared for the most in the world. afterwards there’s no one to properly mourn you, aside from the one who took your life. everyone else is gone and the guy you cared so deeply for that you were willing to give up your life’s mission to protect has to now navigate the world with your blood on his hands, forever stained by the regret of not only killing you, but never even getting to say a proper goodbye. he’s had so much thrown onto him now that he doesn’t have time to properly grieve you and power. but no, for him your death is even worse than hers in retrospect. because there’s still a small glimmer of hope, no matter how faint, that some day she’ll come back. and that hope is so important to hold on tightly to, it’s enough of a reason to keep moving forward, to keep living. but you… oh you. for you there is no coming back. no second chances, no glimmer of hope for a happy ending. just pain. just death, anger, and so much pain. so instead of grieving properly and moving on, he’ll forever be stuck in this limbo of self hate, grief, and guilt that’ll end up with him just hurting himself physically and mentally over and over and over again. sort of how you acted in your own life... it’s kind of ironic is it not? that even in death all you do is hurt those you love, and not only fail to protect them, but deal them a fate even worse by actively being the reason they hurt. a fate worse than death it seems. and although when told it, you didn’t want to believe it, you honestly did die in the worst possible way imaginable.

[kideaternomnom]

Opinions on Akiangel? (The ship) 🤔

I like it. ^^ I was planning on re reading CSM, however based on my memory I like it due to the symbolism and how they sort of give each other what they need. Even if they weren’t aware they needed it. !!PRETTY MAJOR BOMG GIRL ARC SPOILERS DOWN BELOW!! They both help each other develop and express the good sides of themselves and their personalities. For example: Angel at first didn’t really care on saving humans. I believe he called himself a devil first before an angel. However, after Aki saved him- he killed Reze, aka a devil so Aki wouldn’t have to kill a teenage girl since he knew Aki wouldn’t want to do that. After that, he acknowledged the angel part to him rather than just the devil side so him. He opened up and wanted to save a human’s mental health despite calling himself “devil first” when he was first with Aki. Thus making him be able to show a better side of him instead of just the devil side. As for Aki, based on what I remember it helped him open up to devils more. Of course Denji and Power played BIG roles in it, however I’d say that Angel played a big role too. He (Angel) helped give him (Aki) variety in what he didn’t have in life before. Whether it be a lazy partner, a devil (what Aki hated before) as a partner, etc. I don’t want this to be too long however I can go more in depth in why I find their relationship fascinating and why I think they work. Overall, I think they appeal because they give each other what they need in life. And encourage the best parts of each other. Angel helped Aki open up to devils even more and even taking out a span of his life just to save Angel. While Aki’s kindness helped encourage Angel Devil to encourage well….the Angel side of him.

[cinyemina]

aki hayakawa: a reluctant and humble hero

Chainsaw man manga and anime spoilers!

Aki's introduction into the manga presents him as the epitome of the ostensibly conventional archetype – the composed and proficient senior figure, propelled by the common motif of vengeance. This character archetype, often pervasive in mangas, imbues Aki with an air of familiarity, yet a closer inspection reveals a nuanced departure from the norm.

What sets Aki apart is the stark realism that underpins his pursuit of justice against the formidable entity, Gun Devil. Unlike the fantastical invincibility often attributed to devil hunters in Chainsaw Man, Aki is a manifestation of vulnerability, existing as a fragile entity composed of mortal flesh and bone. The manga underscores the precarious nature of his existence, highlighting the constant specter of mortality that looms over these ostensibly heroic figures.

Aki's yearning for retribution against Gun Devil is not merely a character flaw to be overcome; it is a veritable sentence, an immutable decree shaping his existence. Within the devil hunters, each engagement with supernatural, often immortal adversaries demands a substantial sacrifice. Aki, despite being among the most adept in his vocation, consistently emerges from intense battles profoundly wounded, emphasizing the tangible costs associated with confronting such formidable foes.

The genesis of Aki's descent into vengeance is rooted in the tragic death of his younger brother, a traumatic event for which he assumes culpability. This conscious plunge into darkness becomes the crucible of his unrelenting quest for vengeance. Attempts to extricate him from this moral quagmire prove futile, with even the persistent efforts of figures like Himeno falling short until her own demise. Aki's temporal reality is further compounded by a dwindling life expectancy, reduced to a mere two years after a grueling encounter with Katana-man.

The temporal constraints, however, serve as a mere formality, for Aki's existential depletion had arguably commenced long before his intersection with Denji. The disquiet expressed by Himeno in Chapter 18 is rendered redundant, as Aki had already traversed a substantial distance along the continuum of his personal deterioration. In unraveling the complex layers of Aki's character, Chainsaw Man offers a profound exploration of the human psyche, wherein the pursuit of justice becomes an inexorable force inexorably tethered to the inexorable passage of time.

[321svadha]

cmon mappa you did not have to do this

[hatxsheep]

chainsaw man spoilers //

i think that aki,denji, and power are the most family you can get. makima may have put them together to break them down, maybe to get denji frustrated enough to fully submit to her, either way, this was a plan to make them hate eachother. It should have worked. aki is literally the “number one devil hater” but he’s making curry for power and denji, he’s taking care of them, he left denji in his will alongside himeno, a person he was close to for the longest time.

denji could not have killed makima without them both. he wouldn’t have had the patience of waiting until the time was right, the blood chainsaw itself, breaking out of makimas control in the first place? he loves them. you can see how they cared for him in how he cares for nayuta. everything they’ve done for eachother has also impacted eachother so so much.

[aaamike]

Himeno was right...

[tastyzombiee]

Guys pls don’t let this flop I slayed too hard on this

[cringeisthemindkiller]

CSM part 2 finally has me hooked.

So mildly unpopular opinion, Part 2 of Chainsaw Man had felt like a letdown. I can't quite figure out why. I think its slower pacing is a part. I don't necessarily mean the lack of action but the shorter chapters really have made it hard for me in some aspects.

My biggest issue is the story. At this point in the manga I still really don't know exactly what this arc is about. The implication Is the four horsemen of the apocalypse that I get. But We've only seen 2 (Maybe 3 if Yoshida is Death but I find that unlikely) and they don't seem to be doing much of anything. It feels stagnant.

It's a shame because the characters are intriguing both new and old. Asa is a really interesting switch-up from Denji, Yoru is fun, Fami and Yoshida have a lot of mystery surrounding them and Yuko is an interesting plot point I'm curious to see develop later, and of course Nayuta is adorable and I can't wait to see more of her.

Yet for all these new exciting characters (yes technically Yoshida was in part 1 but he played such a minor role he is still a relatively new character in terms of how he is now actually a major player in the story) they feel almost stuck.

Yet with all that said the last few chapters have had me intrigued. Specifically, there is a scene with Denji and Asa in chapters 126 and 127 that really hooked me back in.

The falling devil attempts and ultimately fails to traumatize and stun Denji with memories of part 1. Later we have him save Asa and the conversation they have is very tender and sweet and a classic "life is worth living despite all the bad things" but the way it was written and a very specific line by Denji choked me up.

Denji doesn't sugarcoat how life can really beat up on you and will throw one terrible thing after another at you and doesn't let you catch a break ruining so much of what was good in life. Asa asks him how he got over that. Denji responds "I haven't." and that line broke me.

It's been said a lot before but I always appreciate when media makes a very good point to show trauma or mental illness doesn't "go away" you merely learn to live with it. Hearing Denji, the most optimistic naive guy there is recognize and understand that his suffering cant be suppressed or ignored is so beautiful.

Early part 1 Denji would have just ignored it and denied to himself and others that he was struggling. He simply didn't have the emotional maturity to contend with that. This is a moment of growth. In media where the protagonist has extraordinary abilities writers often just don't highlight lingering trauma as the character gets more powerful. A less manga would have just had Denji say "I got stronger" or "It's in the past now". Chainsaw man didn't and the way it's done is so well done.

This isn't a unique concept to Chainsaw Man but it's a very powerful theme to see a character as goofy and lighthearted as Denji deals with his baggage in a healthy and realistic way. This writing still gives me incredible hope despite part 2s slow start. I really want to see them slowly have Denji face down and properly confront his trauma. Everything in the manga had already shown Denji hadn't recovered, but when he said it himself I don't know. It hit differently.

I know for many this is elementary stuff in half-decent writing but when combined with the other stuff CSM does so well, this scene felt so rewarding

[easy-revenge]

its been over 2 years since i read volume 9 of chainsaw man and it still apparently has the power to make me sob uncontrollably when i think about it so im going to talk a bit about aki and denji being shown as children during the snowball fight and why it's currently making me wanna rip my hair out :)

aki is already gone during this scene for all intents and purposes, having very little comprehension of the events his body is in and just waiting to be set free. his mind reverting back to the moment he lost his family is not surprising, since that's when his life permanently changed trajectory.

he's not to blame for being stuck in this moment, as it would make sense for any kid his age. however, he didn't put himself on the path towards revenge, which inevitably made him unable to let go. that was makima. she took him by the hand and gave him this "purpose", something she very well knew he was never going to achieve anyway. she trapped him in this predicament and made sure he stayed there till there were no options left for him.

to the very end, aki's life was never his own, but planned for him. aki never left that snowy forest. he wasn't allowed to.

as a result, the essence of aki that remained within the gun fiend after his death materialized as the last genuine version of aki that ever was. a kid playing in front of his house.

moving over to denji, who is the one that got me crying today. his appearance as a child in aki's mind is partly to parallel the bond they shared and the bond between aki and his little brother, whom he lost that day. of course. however i think there's a lot of significance to this choice for denji's character as well.

denji grew up remote and very disconnected from society. he never got the chance to learn how to navigate his feelings and relationships with other people. he had to figure it all out as he went, first with pochita, whom he got attached to and later with aki and power. even with makima.

makima was the first person to ever give him attention and affection, to give him the things he always wanted, but she never treated him like a person. she never helped him get any closer to learning how to be one. he was used, much like aki was, and was given a purpose that was never going to be for his own benefit.

as a result, denji took a while to go through the motions of being surrounded by humans and being taught by them. the first time we saw him face the concept of loss was with pochita, an event that didn't really give him much in terms of experience considering all the implications and how suddenly it changed his life. in its nature, it wasn't a type of loss he would've been able to navigate as a human.

im not going to go into the situation with his father since we saw very explicitly how incapable he was to handle it to the point of blocking it out and having it haunt him till the end of part one. he surely didn't get much data out of that experience either, or the abuse he went through before it.

the first real time he got to see loss occur very close to him was himeno's death. he had no emotional reaction to it, which confused him since he was able to observe its effect on aki and other people around him. he questioned his own humanity for the first time and it upset him, if only momentarily. it gave him a hint of perspective.

sadly, he was going to find out what loss meant the hard way.

with makima still treating him like an animal and the circumstances forcing him to still rely on his instincts, denji's emotional maturity wasn't really prioritized. he did inevitably grow closer to aki and power, without necessarily being able to recognize those feelings for what they were. again he just had to go through the motions.

fast forward to the gun devil arc. he's told by makima on the phone to not think, to just fight aki without thinking about it. we see the progress that's been made in how clearly unable denji is to follow that order, aki being the closest thing to family he's ever had by this point.

he fights his best friend, not even thinking about himself, but of how aki would feel if he were conscious of how much destruction he was causing. still up to this point, denji doesn't know that he loves aki. it hasn't computed to him as a piece of info, only as an experience.

him being shown as a child in the snow, a contrast to the violent reality that his body is in, has as much significance as it does for aki.

denji never really grew up, he never got past his father's death or anything that happened to him before and after that. he was kept from it by his life and makima herself, once again. his ineptitude was weaponized and he was nowhere near being aware of it. he was also stuck.

in that scene, denji experiences real loss. he loses someone he loves and someone who loves him back. someone who thought himself unable to do so but was the first to love him like a human.

he was just a kid, losing his family by his own hand again, only this time he had been loved.

it's highlighted in the next chapter, where he appears unable to grieve and looks kind of numb instead. then we have the ice cream scene, where he thinks the words for the first time and throws up immediately.

his confusion after it happens, him being unable to fathom why his body would have such a reaction, breaks my heart almost more than the entirety of the snowball fight itself, from denji's pov.

im not going to talk about what happens directly after that and its implications bc im gonna end up talking forever, but his behavior throughout the next chapters very much shows how out of his depth he is when it comes to loss and grief and how lost and helpless he is in makima's hands.

my point is, both aki and denji were used, weaponised and kept from growing up while also having to deal with the world and its cruelty at the same time. even the closeness they achieved was planned and used against them both. this is only one of many angles of the snowball fight scene that can be looked at and interpreted in different ways. but it was the one that made me ugly cry today :)

[ingoodjesst]

parallels in chainsaw man, ED 8: first death

when himeno was alive, the world was full of oranges with blues creeping in at the edges. warm and almost lively, but with the spectre of death surrounding them

when she's gone, the world is overwhelmed by blue with the orange flickering. somber and tragic, heavy with grief, but maybe - the warm light is trying to persist

[solarrene]

On a brainrot, please ignore and just pass by. Can't stop thinking about how Aki and Himeno fit so much to Pray for me by The Weeknd. It is really just boggling my mind that this song literally circles between them. I'm so normal about this.

I'm always ready for a war again

Go down that road again

It's all the same

I'm always ready to take a life again

You know I'll ride again

It's all the same

Tell me who's gon' save me from myself

When this life is all I know

Tell me who's gon' save me from this hell.

Need I say more? Despite being kind as he is, as he can be, he still had murder and revenge on his mind—even when Kishibe believes that Aki can make his way to the gun devil because he's different from the rest, Himeno thought otherwise; to which can lead to his end as what Himeno fears when she became fond of him.

Then Himeno realized that and immediately tried to steer him the other way. She could have had quitted before but of course, she stayed because of him. She began to save him in her way, in what she can do because she know his ass will not listen!!

Her giving up of what she was asking of Aki then just staying to keep him alive.

Then comes this verse that suits to Himeno so well.

Who gon' pray for me?

Take my pain for me?

Save my soul for me?

'Cause I'm alone, you see

If I'm gon' die for you

If I'm gon' kill for you

Then I'll spill this blood for you.

In a way, I think the first verse fits to Himeno as well, living stagnant; just killing and whatever her job demands. Even when she was getting sick of it, she still didn't leave and continued as if to live another day. Then came Aki, changing that. He saved her from that. By being able to have a care for him, it abled her to look for that same care as well and maybe somehow she felt that from him. She found something to live for.

But of course, as much as she'd live for him, she'd also die for him to let him live. Laying down her life, without regrets knowing that he'd live and he'd cry for her, because that's one of the things she longed for.

Then came her death and Aki, finally realizing what was at stake, what he had then and what more he could have as time went on after her passing; Denji and Power.

Her death didn't just save him at that moment, it truly saved him.

[pioponii]

flutters my lashes as I show you this parallel

[kideaternomnom]

If either Aki or Angel could be saved from their death, who would you pick to survive? :)

I choose AkiAngel. Done, next question.